“Ugh... I hate working Mondays,” Luna growled under her breath, trudging through the halls of the castle with a resentful scowl on her face. Technically it just turned Monday once the clock struck midnight, but already the princess could feel the dreaded day creeping up her bones and making her limbs feel heavy.
“Stupid late night working hours.” Luna turned a corner, knowing the inside of the castle better than anyone in near darkness. While many a pony would be hesitant to walk in such foreboding corridors with shadows concealing who knows what behind every corner, Luna walked down them in a nonchalant manner. She wasn’t called princess of the night for nothing.
Her scowl soon turned into a grimace at what was most likely awaiting her during her night shift. Stack after stack of paperwork she would have to fill out, all dealing with the usual nightly business.
Nightwatch guards reporting their findings, astronomers asking for advice and meetings for the numerous constellations and studies of the night sky, and of course pegasi reports for nighttime weather. This and much more awaited her, neatly stacked in a tower for her to read over, fill out, then file away in the corresponding folder. A monotonous, tedious, mind-numbing, face-on-the-desk-slamming, boring job.
Sometimes she really wished no one enjoyed the night like before. At least then she’d be given a day off. And less paper cuts on her hoof.
Stopping near the doors to the castle kitchen, Luna’s eyes immediately focused themselves dead center on the handle. A tempting thought entered her mind. “I’m sure a cup of coffee wouldn’t hurt...” Yeah, that was a perfectly good reason to break into the locked kitchen doors. Besides, she’s a princess, so she has the royal decree to break any rules she wants.
Plus, when she uses her royal Canterlot voice on ponies, they tend to listen to whatever she said.
Glancing down each hallway to make sure no one noticed her, her horn glowed in a bright blue light as she squinted her eyes to stare at the locks on the handle. “Let’s see... how hard is it to unlock a door?” she wondered, shrugging and going at the lock with her magic.
After several minutes of useless twisting and prodding with her magic on the lock, an idea suddenly popped in Luna’s head. “Why didn’t I teleport?” she said aloud, facehoofing at the simplicity of the plan that she didn’t even notice.
Temporarily disappearing, she returned back in the castle on the opposite side of the doors. Now in the kitchens, her eyes desperately swept the area for any sign of a coffeepot or ground coffee beans. Her fix for caffeine goodness was particularly high tonight, and only the succulent black gold in liquid form could quell it.
Walking down some counters, she scanned every square inch of the kitchen area for a sign of her much needed caffeine. Unfortunately for her, none was in sight. Feeling disappointment as bitter as the drink she longed for, her ears drooped down. Then perked back up when a voice called for her off to the side.
“Hey there, good looking. You come down by here often?” a mysterious voice asked, hidden in the shadows of an above cabinet on the counter beneath.
Arching an eyebrow, Luna asked, “Who is there? Why are you here?”
A chuckle sounded back. “The who and the why don’t matter, darlin’. The ‘what’ does. Such as what is a fine lookin’ lady such as yourself doin’ down in this shebang so late at night?”
“I wanted coffee,” Luna answered, curious as to who was talking to her in what she presumed was an abandoned kitchen.
“Pfft, you run around with that square?” the stranger asked, chuckling lightly once more. “I was expecting someone as beautiful as you would be more on the wild side. Not just another one hopped up on the caffeine juice.”
Scowling slightly at the tone of voice the stranger was using with her, Luna’s horn brightened the area so she could see who the perpetrator was. “You’re a... Moon Pie?” Luna spit out, utterly shocked that such a snackfood was talking to her.
The Moon Pie just stood in all its grandeur without moving an inch, his chocolate coating hiding the dual round graham crackers with a marshmallow filling in the center. “Yeah, the only one on the planet too. So what?”
“It’s just that... I, um... I’m not sure what you want with me,” Luna said, still at a loss of words how to react.
“Hey now, it ain’t what I want with you. It’s what you want with me,” the Moon Pie replied.
“Um... yeah, I’m lost again.”
Sighing, the Moon Pie didn’t even bother to shake his head sadly. “You wanted coffee, right? Well, the bloke blew you off and isn’t here. But I am.”
“So... you... and me?”
“Correctamundo, sweet cheeks. So, what do you say about spending some time with the original marshmallow sandwich?” he asked eagerly, his chocolatey coating practically buzzing with excitement.
Well... this was certainly a weird situation. But the Moon Pie did have certain qualities to him that made him quite attractive. His sweet outer coating, hiding a crunchiness underneath with an oh so sweet and sticky center. Her stomach growled at just the thought of that.
“I’m, uh, not sure what to say,” Luna said, blushing slightly at the Moon Pie’s sweet words.
“Then just do what your mind tells you. Come on over here.”
Blushing much stronger than before, Luna complied and approached the Moon Pie closer. It was only when she got closer to the delicious pastry did she notice its smell. An encompassing aroma of chocolate and the faintest hint of marshmallow.
Being lifted in the glow of her horn, the Moon Pie was brought to eye level with the princess. “Now isn't someone a bit eager?”
Luna didn’t answer, instead licking the beautiful roundness of his shape with her tongue, shivering as the delectable taste touched her tongue and sent her mind into a sugar-rushed craze of ecstasy. “I want you now,” she whispered, giving him a small lick and nibble as her hunger overtook her rational thought. “All of you.”
“Whoopy!” the Moon Pie shouted in glee, knowing he was going to get some tonight.
The two lovers fell to the floor, their act dirty, quick, and without a single crumb of dignity. A couple of crunches followed by moans of pleasure could be heard, along with a camera focusing in on the pastry on pony action.
“See Twilight, you owe me five bits now,” Discord said, holding out a claw to her.
She grumbled, tossing the bits in his palm as the princess rolled her eyes. “I thought for sure she wouldn’t fall for that.”
The moans soon reached a new crescendo, and Discord quickly shushed her as he raised the volume with the remote. “You know, I really think movie nights have brought us closer together,” Discord commented, arching back in his seat with a contented sigh.
“Together on this couch to see ponies make love to snackfoods you mean?” Celestia asked, taking another hoofful of popcorn and shoving it in her mouth as things on screen became more saucy.
“That too,” Discord said, his ears perking up when a lustful scream could be heard from the television. “Aaaaaaaaaand record!” he laughed, hitting the record button on the remote to capture this moment forever.
“Why am I not surprised?” the chef asked himself, once more wondering why he even bothered to question the sight before him.
“Yet again, some idiotic moron left a huge mess on my floor!” he shouted, throwing the mop he acquired to clean the mess on the floor as he barely got a grip on his rage. “Get a wet cloth or even a paper towel to clean up your messes, you frickin’ jerks!” he yelled to the heavens, sick and tired with the unfairness of it all.
“And why the hell is this creamy stuff all over my floor?”
