Chapter 1: You Just Gotta Keep On Keeping On
Immortality. For many it is an aspiration that could never be fulfilled no matter what attempts they make. The thought of living forever fills them with hope of never meeting the all too often terrifying prospect of death. In the end, immortality is much less mysterious than death. At least one of them you’re familiar with. Life, but without a stop sign to impede your movements. Death is just a cliff at the end of the road where you have no idea what’s at the bottom.
So it’s no wonder ponies want immortality. Why die when you can live? Almost all living things want to stay alive, if they could. Life is like a sweet nectar that we all can’t help but guzzle down with gluttonous hunger. Even if your life isn’t enjoyable or accomplished, you will still suck down the nectar to the final drop.
But what if there’s isn’t a final drop? What if you keep on drinking and drinking, year upon decade upon century, until it culminates to an entire millennium? Does the nectar of life still taste as sweet? Or is it bland, bitter, leaving a bad taste in your mouth after such a long period?
I hope that doesn’t happen to me. I pray that I never feel disdain for life now that mine has no end. But who knows what the future holds, when my future can go beyond what is considered normal for most ponies?
So I sat there by the balcony, looking out over at the darkening horizon as a field of stars began their methodically orbital movements across the sky. I already memorized many of the constellations and other celestial oddities in the night sky, but there was still so much to be seen and studied over. In time, I will probably memorize the entire night sky with each and every star an expected sight. Will it be then that the view becomes less mystical and amazing and more repetitious and boring?
The pitter patter of hooves by my side signaled the arrival of a new guest to share my company. Looking over my shoulder, the visage of Princess Luna greeted my eyes.
“Luna, I didn’t expect you to be here,” I muttered, glancing at the princess's face to gauge her expression. She was composed in her usual regal of the night, quiet and sophisticated with a dark mysteriousness that always seemed trail beside her.
“Neither did I for you. Are you not going to bed soon?”
I shook my head. When a lapse of awkward silence intruded upon us, Luna went with the decision to sit beside me to stare up at the stars, instead of leaving me to my thoughts. On one hoof, I didn’t have to deal with my bitter loneliness. On the other hoof, at least the loneliness was more tolerable than actually sharing my feelings with someone else.
As if sensing my own thoughts, Luna said, “Twilight, what is troubling you? It is quite a rare sight to see you so down.”
“It’s just... stress with this princess duties,” I lied. Well, it wasn’t quite a lie, since being a princess does have a factor to why I was depressed. But what I really didn’t want to do was involve Luna in my own minor tribulations when the princess was probably busy with some other responsibility related to the night.
Luna arched an eyebrow. “That seems unlike you, Twilight. You usually take your duties with eagerness in your step. What’s different this time?”
“It’s just...” I gulped, not sure how to place my words correctly to properly convey the message I was going for. “Um, Luna, have you ever regretted being... a princess?”
Luna remained silent beside me for some time, the only noise the gentle sound of her breathing. “That is an interesting question to ask,” she said, breaking the ice finally. “What prompted you to question whether I enjoyed my royal title?”
“Curiosity, I guess.” I shrug my shoulders, undecided where to go next with this conversation. “And your opinion is probably different from Celestia’s.”
“Oh, so you already asked my sister about this?” Luna asked.
“Not... exactly,” I admitted, a blush definitely appearing on my cheeks now. “You’re the first I asked of. I actually wanted to know how you felt about the immortality aspect of princess-hood. I already kind of guessed what Celestia’s answer would be.”
“That she’s glad with her longevity, and you should too, because now you’re what you always dreamed to be. A princess.” Luna shrugged her shoulders as well. “Or that’s my best guess at what she’d say.”
“Kind of what I was thinking as well.”
A sigh escaped Luna’s mouth, her eyes reflecting the night sky in a beautiful splendor as she gazed at the heavens. “Well, mine won’t be too far off from that as well. There are times where my immortality makes things awkward for me. Such as not adjusting to current trends easily because of my long leave of absence.”
I nodded, remembering the bumps she went across as she adapted to what was considered in this time. The Royal Canterlot Voice is definitely not considered normal. Or speaking in the the third person plural all the time. But Luna got used to the way things are now, and was already making headway to help run her kingdom alongside her sister.
“But I guess my opinion won’t really count as much as my sister’s. She’s been immortal far longer than I.”
“But isn’t she only a couple of years older than you?” I asked.
Luna chuckled lightly, though there was an edge of hurt in her voice that made me fear I hurt her feelings in some way. “Yes, she is only older by a few years. But when I meant she has lived as an immortal far longer, it was in the sense that she has lived with the burden of immortality, while I just... lived.”
I tilted my head to the side. “Um... still not sure I’m understanding what you’re saying.”
“Remember how I was trapped on the moon for thousand years during my time as Nightmare Moon?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I never actually lived through those centuries on the moon,” Luna explained, casting her eye to the bright, shining rock in the sky. “Nightmare Moon was in control, while I just went through a long slumber. So when I was awakened to see you and your friends having defeated my evil alter ego, that was my first time of actual being me in a thousand years’ time.”
I let this thought muddle in my brain for a bit while I tried to make sense of it. “So in all actuality, you aren’t a thousand years old mentally wise. You’re still as old as before your imprisonment and afterwards, right?”
“Correct,” Luna said. “So I may be as immortal as my sister, I have not experienced the full meaning of its ramifications. In due time I will eventually, just as you. But Celestia is probably the only one who understands it completely.”
“Ah, well... sorry for troubling you then.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Luna chuckled, her smile brightening my mood somewhat. “It is an obvious question to ask at some point once you actually grasp its meaning. I’m just surprised it took you so long, seeing as how you’re a naturally curious mare and all.”
“I’m still not sure if I’ll ever understand it fully,” I admitted, slouching down as the weight of my unanswered questions began to build up. “And what then? I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life.”
“Twilight... what prompted you to seek these questions in the first place?” Luna asked, worry escaping from her tone.
“It’s just that... I’ve been thinking about my friends lately,” I said, averting my eyes from her careful gaze. “Pinkie just threw a party for my birthday, and then Applejack made a comment on how they’ll have to make the cake bigger and bigger each year to fit the candles on there.”
“So? A little joke has dampened your spirits?”
I shook my head, squinting my eyes to keep myself from crying. “N-no... it’s the fact that soon, my friends won’t be there to see all the candles on my birthday cake. And then one day I’ll have a birthday party... all to myself.”
Ever so gently, I felt a wing covered my back, drawing me in closer to Luna’s side. The princess was staring at me, face to face, a sad expression etched on both our faces. It didn’t feel like a romantic embrace as one would expect. More comforting, like a family member would support for another. Which, getting technical, we were. Two members of a family known as royalty, tied close together by endless living rather than blood.
“That is a rational fear to have. Losing ones you cherish so much, then having to live with the burden of their deaths for the rest of your days.”
I nodded, glad she understood how I felt. “I don’t want to lose them. Not any of them,” I said, holding back tears once more as I rested my face in the crook of her shoulder, comforted by her presence and warmth. “My friends, my family... I don’t know how I’ll live without them.”
“You’ll live. It’s the only way to be,” Luna answered simply. “Just continuing on with life as it goes, no matter what challenges you face.”
“But how can I face challenges with their support?” I asked. “Memories can only get me so far. What good are they when they can never be the real thing?”
“Well... not very good, actually,” Luna admitted, sighing deeply. “In time, just like if you were mortal, your memories of them will fade. Sure, with photos you may cherish their image, but overall you’ll begin to forget them piece by piece. First with how they talked, what their personalities were, what they liked and disliked to do, and finally with your interactions with them. Sure, you’ll remember some events and occasions that stick to your mind even after all the years, but eventually they’ll fade away, as all things do.”
“H-how’s that... supposed to make me feel better?” I muttered under my breath, the reality of my new future more abrupt and rearing its ugly head in my face than ever.
“It isn’t. I’m just telling you the truth. No point in lying, is there?” Luna said, her voice oddly hollow. “But you don’t need memories to remember them.”
“What do you mean?”
A smile appeared on Luna’s face, just as I noticed she was touching my forehead with the tip of her hoof. “Because, Twilight, they’re already inside you. They changed you for the better, and those changes are what you’ll live with forever.”
“Changed me? But how?” I asked, unsure of what she meant by.
“Let me ask you this. What has your friend, Pinkie Pie, taught you since you’ve met her?” Luna asked, that all knowing smile still going strong.
“She taught me to... well, giggle at the ghostly, of course,” I chuckled, remembering that first night spending time with the pink mare out in the Everfree Forest on the hunt for the Elements. “So to laugh at your fears so they disappear.”
“Did that not make you more confident to not be easily frightened by problems and to face them with more courage than before?”
“It... it did!” I said, realizing how Pinkie Pie’s easygoing nature and tendency to take life’s problems with a hop in your step and smile in your face has actually rubbed off on me as well.
“Then how about Applejack?” Luna asked. “How has she changed you?”
“She taught me hard work is its own reward,” I answered, looking back on how Applejack would always work tirelessly without a hint of complaint. “And that honesty is the best path to take. Which is why I always want to better Equestria and its citizens to the highest it can be.”
“What of Rainbow Dash? How has she affected you?”
I tapped a hoof to my chin. “Well, loyalty to one’s friends is alway an something to strive for no matter what. I guess that’s what really cemented my closeness with the others. Seeing Rainbow Dash stick by her friends no matter what really influenced me to do the same.”
“So what can you tell me of Fluttershy, that timid pegasus that I recall from Nightmare Night so long ago?”
“Fluttershy pretty much taught me that even the smallest bit of kindness goes a long way, even if you don’t know,” I said, looking back on all the times she would help out anyone she could with no reason or fees. Just unfiltered care for every living thing. “And that’s helped me in the long run of caring for an entire nation of my citizens.”
“Good. Now, how about Rarity?” Luna said, that hopeful grin on her face never leaving my sight.
“Generosity is one of the most important aspects a pony can have,” I said, recalling all the times Rarity selflessly offered her services or even her own dresses to those in need or want. “It is because of her generosity that I learned what it takes to be willing to sacrifice my old life to be able to help all of Equestria as a princess.”
“And what of a particular dragon helper you keep around?” Luna asked. “Spike will always be with you, for he is immortal as well. But still, what has he done to change you?”
A giddy sort of smile sprung up on my face. “He’s taught me to get a proper sleep schedule, don’t stay up too long to study, eat a good breakfast, lunch and dinner, don’t drink too much coffee and to not confuse books with sandwiches when I’m too sleep deprived to see clearly,” I giggled.
Luna giggled along with me, our collective chuckles putting the both of us at ease. “Usually it’d be the other way around, but here I can see that he’s taught you about caring for others as much as he’s cared for you. What can be a better piece to hold onto him than that? Along with the rest of your friends as well.”
I sat there, amazed at this new recollection of what my friends truly meant to me. They actually were me, every one of them part of my personality and being.
“Wow... I just never thought of it like that,” I whispered, my awestruck gaze turning back to the sky. It didn’t matter that eventually I might grow tired of the sight of the star studded night. At the moment, it was such a marvelous beauty that shined down on my new state of being, I couldn’t look away.
“Even if memories fade, they are still with you in your heart. You’re a better pony because of them. And that’s one thing that will never fade away.”
We stayed there on the balcony, Luna’s wing wrapped around my body as I took my newfound comfort at the prospect at living forever with an eager step in my hoof. Just like a particular party mare I knew of. That thought brought an ever wider smile to my face.
