The Greatest Crossover Ever!

Discord sat on the curb of a movie studio building, head held in his paws as he stared glumly downward. He sighed, slumping down lower with a large frown on his face.

A sudden flash of light, and out of nowhere Celestia appeared before the downtrodden draconequus. Flapping her wings to clear any remaining magic residue on her person, Celestia trotted closer to Discord and asked, “Okay, I got your message. What’s the big emergency?”

“Oh, just the usual,” Discord replied, getting back to his feet while arching his back , which caused his spine to make cracking noises. “The movie deal didn’t exactly work out.”

“Wait, what movie?” Celestia asked, finally noticing the movie studio before her. “You told me to teleport to Earth just to see a movie?”

“Well, not exactly, since the movie is never going to get made,” Discord explained, shrugging his shoulders. “It turned into a huge clusterfuck instead.”

“How, exactly, did that happen?” Celestia asked, rolling her eyes at another one of Discord’s antics.

“Well, it kinda had to do with Super Mario eating mushrooms and then tripping balls,” Discord started, just as the wall to the studio burst open.

A red faced Mario stood in the hole where the wall used to be, foam running down the sides of his mouth as his pupils took up nearly all the space in his eyes. “It’s a-motherfucking me, Mario!”

Before Mario could let loose another profanity, he was propelled forward by Spider-Man kicking his backside. Standing atop the drugged-out plumber, Spider-Man shouted, “Mario, chill out! You’re gonna destroy the entire movie set at this rate.”

“Suck my italian meatballs, you a-bitch!” Mario shouted, throwing Spider-Man off his back and turning around to implant his fist into Spider-Man’s face. The two fearsome fighters battled in the background, leaving Discord to stare oblivious in the distance while Celestia gazed at the fight in awe.

“Then there was RoboCop finding out Boba Fett was a convicted felon,” Discord said, followed by another section of the wall being bulldozed down by Boba Fett’s body. “And now he’s trying to arrest him.”

“Come quietly or there will be... trouble,” RoboCop said, stepping through the second hole that was in the wall as he made his way to Boba Fett.

“There already is!” Boba Fett shouted, jumping back to his feet and blasting off with his jetpack, not before letting loose a couple of shots from his laser gun.

The lasers pinged off RoboCop’s suit, as the mechanical man chased after the escaping bounty hunter.

“And all Gandalf has been doing is getting high outta his mind,” Discord said, pointing back as the gray robed wizard stumbled out of one of the holes in the wall.

He leaned heavily on his staff, sucking greedily at the pipe held in between his lips. Staggering over to the two, Gandalf leaned his shoulder against Discord’ frame, chuckling mildly under his breath. “Like, man, this dope is just... maaaaaaaan. Those elves know how to grow some grass.”

The old wizard took another long drag on his pipe, blowing a smoke cloud from his nose with a face that could only be described as ecstatically trippy. “You wanna hit?”

“Get outta here, you dirty hippy!” Discord shouted at the drugged out wizard, shoving Gandalf away with the bottom of his foot. “I swear, he keeps about a baker’s dozen worth of joints in that beard of his.”

“Okay, I can understand that things haven’t exactly worked out here,” Celestia began, stopping as an explosion sounded in the distance and temporarily rocked the pair from the shockwaves. Keeping her hooves firmly stuck to the ground, Celestia shouted over the battling din, “But why exactly did you call me here?”

“Well, I was kind of hoping you’d... fix things,” Discord said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “You’re usually good at that type of thing. I would ask the director, Michael Bay, but he’s being kind of... Bay-ish.”

“Bay-ish?” Celestia asked.

Much like the other two times, the wall of the studio were blasted down. Though this time the entire wall was literally blown away, since a huge robot just punched it. Those two other holes weren’t exactly helping support it, so down the entire wall went.

Operating from atop the robot was Michael Bay, who was currently chugging down an entire two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew: Code Red. Finishing off the bottle, he threw it in the air and shot it full of bullets from the machinegun mounted fist of the giant robot he controlled. The robot fist pumped and continued on its way, with Bay shouting, “I’m the king of the frickin’ world, bitches! And I’m gonna get my fucking Emmy from you Hollywood bastards if it’s the last fucking thing I do!”

Closing Celestia’s open jaw with a claw, Discord said, “That’s Bay-ish. In hindsight, supplying him the components to a deadly robot along with an unlimited supply of cocaine and Code Red was not the best of ideas...”

Celestia shook her head to clear her thoughts, and joined Discord in staring at the epic clash of titans that was Super Mario, Spider-Man, RoboCop and Boba Fett, while Gandalf smoked a stoogie while taking a leak on a mailbox. “Discord, I don’t think I can fix this. You pretty much got five of the most deadly individuals from different universes just to shoot your crackfic movie idea with the craziest man alive as the director. That’s something that’s beyond my abilities of fixing.”

“So... you want me to actually take responsibility for my own actions and try to atone my own mistakes?” Discord asked.

Celestia was speechless for several moments, before she finally came to her senses and said, “Wh-why yes, Discord, that’s an excellent idea. It’s very grown up of you to suggest it.”

“Or should I ditch this plan and leave you to pick up the pieces?” Discord suggested, a devious grin playing out on his twisted features.

“That’s not a–”

“Too late!” Discord laughed, disappearing away in a flash of light and distant chuckle.

Celestia stood there in silence for a few moments, quietly fuming within herself and willing her body not to release this pent up anger in the form of curses or kicks to the ground. Sighing, she looked downward, just to notice a scrap of paper on the ground.

Lifting it to her face with her magic and unfolding it, she quickly read over it.

Dear Celestia,

You are a buttface. Or sunbutt. Either one works.

Love,

Discord

PS: Bay packed several tons of explosives in the studio. It should be exploding right... about... now.

Looking up from the paper, Celestia furrowed her brow and said, “Discord, I hate you.”

It was at this moment an explosion conveniently took place in the center of the studio, creating a burning inferno wall of fiery destruction to descend upon the outside world. As Celestia was being subjected to violent temperatures (she is Princess of the Sun, so she only received a few signed hairs), she repeated this line over and over in her head. “Discord, I really, really hate you!”