Chapter 1: The Cake Is A Lie
Today was the day, the one she dreaded all year. The day that made her shiver in fear just of the ramifications. The day she just wanted to sleep in and forget all about.
But of course, it wasn’t that easy. It was never that easy when it came to something like this.
So, like every other year, Celestia hid. Not the most adult thing to do, but hey, better than being out in the open with the possibility of ambush always a threat.
Dark corners, shadow-ridden hallways, and any tucked away rooms in the castle became her new abode on this very specific of days. Whenever she felt she was being watched she’d move to another location, always on the lookout for new threats.
But no matter how well Celestia concealed herself or masked her movements, that feeling as if someone was watching her, close and intently, didn’t leave. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end every second. Sooner or later, she was going to be found. And then… then…
She’d truly have Tartarus to pay.
Celestia ran down the hall in a sprint, fervent eyes scanning for anything suspicious. Too many times she’s gone through these trials and tribulations. Too many times she’s had to bear with the constraining nonsense of this day year after year. But not today. Today she would avoid the pitfalls, go past the trenches and jump over the walls to freedom.
Unluckily for Celestia, her personal imagery monologue had brought her guard down for a precious second. A second that gave her enemy ample time to spring their trap.
“Ohhhh Tiaaaaaaa! Where are yoooooou?” Luna called out from the hallway, peering into the shadows of the corners in search of her sister. “Come on out, Tia! Everypony is waiting for you!”
A cold sweat ran down Celestia’s back as a shiver wracked through her spine. Gulping because of a lump that had suddenly caught in her throat, Celestia’s eyes scanned the hallway for any avenues of escape.
There was no way she was going to let her menace of a sister drag her into that pit of Tartarus like every other year. This time, she was going to get out of it the immature and rather foalish way.
“Never!” Celestia shouted, making a mad dash for the exit down the hall. Passing by Luna while trotting like the wind, Celestia yelled over her shoulder, “You’ll never take me alive!”
“Seriously, Tia, do we have to do this every year?” Luna asked, Celestia already rounding the corner in a flurry of stomping hooves. “I take that as a yes,” Luna sighed, taking to the air to chase after her sister.
Celestia heard her sister following in her wake, and doubled her pace to outrun her sister. She made a mental note to herself: eat less cake and take a few walks around the castle every once in a while. Packing extra weight was not helping her get away.
“I’m… huff... not going… gasp... back there!” Celestia called over her shoulder at the fast approaching Luna.
“You do know that you can fly and teleport, right?” Luna asked, though those words were lost on Celestia as she rounded another corner. Frowning, Luna muttered, “Of course you don’t.”
“Nearly… there!” Celestia whispered to herself, sight of the exit finally coming into view at the end of the hall. The hope of escape so close at hoof gave her the extra little burst of energy she needed to push through and go through the doors.
“Freedom! Sweet, glorious and immaculate freedom!” she exclaimed.
“Surprise!”
Celesia blinked, staring at the small group of ponies before her. This wasn’t escape, it was a trap! “Nooooooooooooooooooo!” Celestia screamed to the high heavens, on her knees and shaking a hoof at the ceiling.
“Hey Twi, is Celestia alright?” Pinkie whispered to Twilight.
“Yeah… I’m pretty sure,” Twilight answered with a shrug of shoulders. “I mean, why wouldn’t she? It’s her birthday, after all.”
A moan escaped Celestia’s mouth as she laid face down on the floor at the mention of that word.
“My sister is just a little bit… apprehensive about birthday parties,” Luna explained, stepping through the doorway and over Celestia’s body. “She’s not the biggest fan.”
“You tricked me,” Celestia stated, still not bothering to get up from the floor.
“Only because I knew you were going to be uncooperative,” Luna said with a smirk, making her way to the mane six. “And because it’s just too easy.”
“So, we gonna get this party started or what?” Dash asked eagerly.
“Hold it, sugarcube. The Princess has to blow out the candles on her birthday cake first,” Applejack reminded her, wearing a party hat atop her usual stetson.
With those words Pinkie Pie toted the cake to the table the girls were seated at, a certainly delicious chocolate pastry with a plethora of lighted candles atop it. There were so many, the others feared Pinkie might catch her mane on fire.
A begrudging Celestia was dragged to the table by Luna and forced to take a seat. The entire time her face showed disdain and her entire being was filled with dread. When the cake arrived before her–basically a fire place with a treat underneath–her expression had befallen to new levels of despair. Even if the cake before her was filled with a deadly toxin that could kill her with one lick, she still would not be as contemptible towards the birthday cake as she is now.
“Well, Princess Celestia, that sure does look like a delicious cake,” Rarity noted, trying to avoid the fact that the top layer was covered by candle wax. The forest of candles were a blinding sight, but did little to lighten Celestia’s mood.
“Yeah… I can’t wait to eat,” Fluttershy said, one of the only ponies in the room to sense the growing amount of awkwardness centered around Celestia and the cake before her.
“Let’s… let’s just get this over with so I can avoid having to remember this any longer,” Celestia said, head hanging so low the heat from the candles threatening to singe her eyebrows off.
“Okay everypony, let us begin!” Twilight said, the rest of the mares joining in as she started the song.
Happy birthday to you!
Celestia had heard this song many times before. Like always, it only got more annoying with each passing year.
Happy birthday to you!
Really, how is it that in over a thousand year’s time that song stayed exactly the same? Did nopony else come up with something better or more original?
Happy birthday, dear Princess Celestia!
Here came that momentary time lapse where Celestia got to think over the past year in fond memory. Well, that’d happen for normal ponies. Instead, she remembered with a certain loathing that came from living way, way too long about her entire life span. Hard to believe she did it in only two seconds.
Happy birthday to you!
Everypony cheered while Celestia just stared at the cake with a despaired expression, hinged on the edge of complete contempt.
“Well Tia, aren’t you going to blow out your candles?” Luna asked, with a devious smile playing out on her face.
Celestia scowled at her sister. “Ugh… might as well.” Taking in a deep breath, Celestia blew on the extremely large multitude of lit candles. The effort only blew out less than a dozen of the thousand or so candles. Frowning, Celestia tried again, and again, barely making a dent into the blaze.
Luna and the other mares giggled, Celestia totally unaware that the candles were joke candles that wouldn’t blow out.
Two Hours Later…
“Finally… gasp… done!” Celestia sighed in relief, the last candle being snuffed out by her breath. The mares had already left, leaving only Luna to keep her sister company.
Luna blinked, rubbing the tiredness out of her eyes after staring at the brightly lit candles for so long. Now there was a mountain of wax on the cake, actually squishing the pastry to a pancake.
“Yeah, I can see why you don’t like birthdays much,” Luna noted, yawning audibly.
“At least I still get cake,” Celestia said, somewhat relieved. Taking a knife out, she cut a slice off and lifted it up to gobble eagerly at. Instead, she got a mouthful of melted candle wax to chew on instead. Letting the half chewed glob of wax fall from her mouth, Celestia muttered, “And, of course, even I don’t get that on this day. Just great.”
