Team Four Star goes to Equestria

by Colonel J

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Main 6, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 21911

It's the hilarious minds of Team Four Star going to Equestria... what more can I say?

When TFS collides with the universe of ponies all hell breaks loose and its a good thing I wrote down what happened.

Oh my god this thing got featured! Cool. (6/19/14)

I inspired something! Daughter of Darkness It's really good, you should check it out.

Published 2013-10-12 15:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-19 21:09:54 UTC

Super Kami Guru allows this

It was a regular day on Namek before Frieza blew it up and Guru was more bored than usual. He had already sent Nail on his daily ass kicking of random birds and Dende had stopped by to visit the Guru...Lord knows why.

"Dende! I am extreeeeemly bored!" said the Guru.

"I'm sorry sir, but I can't help with that."

The Guru thought for a moment then had a brilliant idea. "Dende. Stand back."

"Why?"

"Because I am about to be brilliant."

"...I don't understand." Dende replied as he took one step back.

"I've decided to write a fanfiction about My Little Pony and when its done I'll post it to Fimfiction.net."

"...sir...I don't even know what that is."

The Guru was silent for a moment, "See! This is why we need T.V!...But no matter, I'm going to seriously fuck with Nail first." The Guru shifted his voice towards the door. "Naaaiiillll!"

Nail had just returned from killing birds and heard the call for him, "What is it lord Guru!" he yelled from outside.

"Get in here."

Nail arrived in front of the Guru, "What is it lord Guru?"

"Nail, gather the Dragon Balls I've decided to go to Equestria to meet the characters of a T.V show I love to watch."

"What's it called, sir?"

"My Little Pony."

"With all due respect sir, isn't that a little girls show and wouldn't that be a grievous misuse of the Dragon Balls powers?"

"I'm about to misuse my hand upside your head!" The Guru replied with a bold look and then thought for a moment. "Never mind Nail, I'll do it myself."

Suddenly the Guru faded out of existence and left Nail and a shocked Dende behind.

"How did he do that?!" Dende yelled.

"Yea, the longer you stick around here the less you'll question these things." Nail assured him.

It was a beautiful day in Ponyville and Twilight and her friends had decided to have lunch in the town circle. Which was going great until a fat green alien began to materialize beside them like the Doctor's Tardis.

"Hmm, seems brighter than I thought it would be." Guru stated as he looked around.

"Uhh...Hello?" Twilight was the first to approach the monster.

"Dear Celestia! I know we've just met, but how are you so fat!" Rainbow Dash yelled in surprise to the Guru.

"Oh, hello. My name's Super Kami Guru and I'm not judging you on your appearance. And believe me, going around with a rainbow colored flag on your head is not the smartest idea."

Rainbow Dash was furious but Twilight held her back with her magic. "Easy Rainbow, we know nothing about this creature."

"Yea, listen to your master." the Guru was trying to work her nerves.

"So are you here to conquer us or something?" Twilight asked.

The Guru let out a long laugh, "Please, I already own this place. But that's for another time. Important thing is I finally get to meet you all, you're very popular on Earth."

"I don't understand...popular?" Twilight said and released Rainbow Dash.

"Oh yea, you all have a T.V show, toy line, shirts. The whole nine yards." the Guru replied.

"Huh, go figure." Twilight said.

"You mean this doesn't bother you Twilight?" Rarity asked

"Well it makes sense, the universe is a vast place." Twilight replied to her.

"But what about." Rarity cleared her throat, "Private moments."

The Guru cut in, "Oh don't worry, they don't show that stuff on the T.V."

"Oh thank goodn-"

"That's what the internets for." Guru finished his statement.

Rarity was frozen in place. And the Guru got concerned looks from all the ponies.

"Yep, the internet's a brutal place." Guru said.

Suddenly Princess Celestia came down from Canterlot in a Pegasus drawn carriage to visit with Twilight and her friends.

"Oh look, the white supremacist is here."

"I'm sorr-"

"Luna's better."

Celestia paused for a moment then finished her last statement. "I'm sorry?"

Twilight on the other hand sat back with her friends to let the situation play out.

"Yea, you better watch her. She'll destroy your smug ass." Guru said.

"I'll have you know that me and my sister are very close."

"How sad, she's already lured you into a false sense of security." Guru added.

Celestia turned to her student who was actually holding back a laugh at the Gurus accusations.

"See, she gets it." he added.

Celestia walked over and hit Twilight over the head with a hoof then whispered in her ear, "Keep an eye on him." She then took off towards Canterlot to deal with Luna.

"Oh no! Look what you've done." Twilight was upset towards his actions since Luna might have to go back to the moon.

"Yea...I'm just gonna say, my bad on that one." The Guru replied hoping it would fix the situation.

Twilight was speechless and it was Applejacks turn to say something.

"Now I know yer new an all but seriously, did you have to mess with the Princess like that."

The Guru thought about it for a moment. "Yea, it was inevitable. What I can't get over was how long she lasted here."

Twilight muttered a sentence, "It was short lived, wasn't it."

There was a pause to the weird conversation but Rainbow Dash broke it, "Am I super cool on Earth like I am here?"

"Oh yea, and you're considered to be bisexual."

"I...really didn't need to know that." she replied.

"Hey, I tell it like it is."

"Don't you have something else to do? Maybe other responsibilities?" Twilight asked.

"Nails got it covered."

Twilight didn't know who this Nail was but knew better than to ask. Suddenly a thought occurred to her, "Did you say that you already own us?"

"Yea, Celestia doesn't know it yet. And now, as your new leader. From this day forward this place will be know as...Equestria 2.0.

"I don't think you can do that." Twilight stated.

"No wait!...It shall be known as Super Kami Guru land." The Guru was happy with his decision and took a mental note to have Nail come here and plant a flag someday.

"Hey! We'll fight for our land!" Rainbow Dash yelled and was in attack position.

"Yea, yea. Hold on a minute." The Guru pulled out a piece of notebook paper and read from his Things to do when I go to Equestria list.

"Lets see." he said, "Make contact with the main 6. check. Fuck with Celestia." Guru looked towards Canterlot and saw multiple bolts of magic being shot around from two dueling princesses. "check...Let Derpy know what some parents on Earth think of her...not check, hmm." Guru quickly scanned the sky and found Derpy enjoying a good muffin on a cloud.

"Derpy! Deerrpppy!" The Guru yelled as if he was calling for Nail.

"Hm, who's calling me?" Derpy asked out loud.

"I am!... Earth people think you're stupid!...wait a minute." Guru looked down at his paper then back up, "I meant offensive!"

Derpy was unsure how to respond to this and just returned to her muffins.

"Stubborn bitch...Well, I think I'm done here." Guru said out loud.

"But we've barely learned anything about you." Twilight said.

"Just look me up on the internet." Guru said as he faded from existence again.

"What's the internet?!" Twilight asked out loud as she now developed a headache of confusion.

And that was it. As quickly as Super Kami Guru graced their lives with his presence he was gone.

The Guru reappeared in his giant chair with Dende and Nail waiting for him.

"How was your trip, sir." Nail asked.

"Uneventful...Dende take this down. It's going to make one hell of a story."

"Where are you posting it?" Nail asked.

"On Fimfiction.net." Guru replied with confidence.

"Think it'll be featured?"

The Guru let out a loud laugh, "Unlikely, but there's always that chance Nail...There's always that chance." The Guru began to look up and out of the giant window in front of him and dreamed of all the likes and favorites he would get, maybe even some new followers.

Author's Note

Honestly, I had no idea where I was going with this story. Also I need a pre reader for this story and don't suggest those pre reader groups cause I can't figure them out...so if someone would like to be a pre reader for me just say something in the comments.
Up next, TFS Vegeta goes to Equestria.

God damnit...Nappa.

Warning: this chapter is not as funny as the last one. But it may be more random, so protect your brain cells. I also feel that logic is null and void at this point.

It was a cool night with a gentle breeze outside of Capsule Corporation and Vegeta was fast asleep dreaming about how he was a super saiyan. The clock read 2:49 AM and it couldn't have been a more peaceful sleep.

"Vegeta." Vegeta heard a strange yet familiar voice echoing through his dream.

'Veeggeettaa." He heard it again but louder.

"VEGETA!" It was Nappa!

"God damnit, Nappa go away...wait, didn't you get brought back to life?" Vegeta asked in his dream.

"Yea but I got hit by a bus on my way to the office." Nappa replied.

"What...but...how could a bus kill you?!" Vegeta was confused and furious.

"I just do what they tell me to."

"Who?...this doesn't make sens-"

"Doesn't matter, point is I got my immortal dead powers back and I'm gonna grant you one wish." Nappa was happy to help his friend out.

"Uh, ok. How about immortality?"

"Huh? what was that? You want to be sent to Equestria to learn about friendship?" Nappa said with sarcasm.

"What?! No! Nappa don't you dare."

"Well its not my wish, have fun Vegeta!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Vegeta was sent into a dark purplish portal and was unable to do anything except let things play out.

Meanwhile in Equestria.

"Well, lets hope we don't have anymore unwelcomed guests." Twilight said in a group meeting with her friends outside of the library.

"Quite, that horrible monster was the scariest thing I had ever seen." Rarity stated.

"I, um, agree." Fluttershy said in a soft tone.

"Right, if any other strange creatures happen to just materialize out of nowhere. Let me know, ok?" Twilight stated and the others agreed but before they could depart they heard a faint noise almost like yelling. "Do you girls hear that?"

Suddenly Vegeta came crashing out of the sky in front of the ponies and face planted the ground so hard he was buried up to his shoulders and caused the ground to split in different locations.

Twilight looked at her friends, "I know I said materialize but this counts as well."

"Is it dead?" Rainbow Dash took a step towards Vegeta and poked his boot.

Under the ground a muffled statement could be heard, "Bitch don't touch the material!" Vegeta then pulled his head out of the ground and regained his saiyan composure without even taking a scratch from the fall.

"uhm, are you hurt...at all?" Twilight asked.

"No-" Vegeta gave a shocked reaction to see that brightly colored ponies were talking to him. "Wow, talking ponies...go figure."

"Um." Twilight was ready to ask another question but Vegeta didn't care.

"Yea, let me stop you right there purple one. I don't want to be here and I've got half a notion to level this place to relieve some stress."

"You couldn't do that." Rainbow Dash was ready to call his bluff.

"Oh, are you challenging me?"

"Maybe." Dash inched forward.

"Trust me, you don't want any of what I am right now."

"And what if I do!"

Vegeta stared in disbelief to what she was saying but he did respect her for working up enough nerve to confront him like this.

"I'll tell you what, I'll let you off easy for now. I don't want to kick your ass right off the bat."

"What! kick my ass! oh its on." Dash launched towards him ready to kill but was stopped by Twilights magic.

"Dash. You can't keep attacking new visitors like this."

Vegeta began to talk to himself, "Nappa!...Can you hear me?!. Nappa!"

"Are you talking to yourself?" Twilight asked.

"No, I'm talking to someone who died and should of went to hell but didn't."

Pinkie jumped out of nowhere and began asking questions. "Oh you have a dead friend! That's awful! But cool! but still awful. Hey what's your name? I'm Pinkie Pie."

Vegeta ignored her, "Nappa. I swear if you don't get me out of here I will personally kill you agai-" Vegeta paused at the realization that Nappa was already dead. "That bastard."

"Well what's your name? What's your name? whatsyourname?!" Pinkie wouldn't let up.

Vegeta was gritting his teeth, "Vegeta! ok, happy now!"

"Vegeta! vegeta! vegeta!" Pinkie was prancing around repeating his name and Vegeta stared at her ready to kill.

Twilight grabbed Pinkie and held her mouth shut, "I'm sorry. She's just like this."

"What? an obnoxious sack of ADD that ate a pound of crack for breakfast!"

Pinkie broke free for a second, "Actually it was ten poun-" she was cut off by Twilight regaining her grip.

"Nappa, I swear to god that if you don't- " Vegeta was cut off by a what sounded like a sipping noise coming from a cup.

"What? Sorry Vegeta I stepped out for a quick bite." Nappa replied.

"But your dead!"

"Yea, I don't care."

"Ok, ok. Just put me back home."

"Mmm, not gonna do that Vegeta."

"Why not?!"

"Remember when you killed me."

"...You didn't hold a grudge."

"Oh yea, I did. Now prepare for revenge!"

Vegeta stood still processing what he was hearing, he even got a slight nose bleed.

"Are you...ok?" Twilight asked.

Vegeta decided to play it cool, "I need a way to get home and I'm sure you nice ponies can get me there, right?"

"Well, I uh-" Twilight was cut off by a dark blue alicorn landing near them and Celestia was in hot pursuit.

"You there!" She yelled. "You are known as Vegeta correct?"

"No" Vegeta replied.

"Funny, But thou must help me. I already texted Arnold Schwarzenegger but he must be busy." Luna replied.

"Arnold Schwarzenegger? Really?...You had no one else to ask for help?" Vegeta asked.

"Equestria isn't exactly Hollywood you know." Luna responded.

Vegeta paused, "How do you know about Hollyw-"

"Space Hulu."

"Figures, now what's in it for me if I help." Vegeta asked with crossed arms.

"Uh...uh money, and lots of it."

"I'll pass."

"Land?"

"Nope."

"My Crown and position as leader?"

"Please, I could have killed you and had lunch by now."

"What does thou want!" Luna was growing frantic.

"Bitches and lots of them."

"Done, now plea-" Luna was cut off by Vegeta.

"Next, Immortality."

"Uh, ok. Anything else."

Vegeta scratched his chin. "A way home and on second thought I'll take all the gold you people have."

"Very well. Now help me please." Luna was watching Celestia land now.

Celestia yelled, "You will not have my throne!"

"Oh really?" Vegeta stepped forward, "And what if I want it?"

"Please, you look weaker than my sister does."

"Is that a fact?" Vegeta held his arms down to his side. "Wanna put that theory to the test."

Celestia lunged at Vegeta but he easily side stepped her and kneed her in the stomach. She was caught on his leg and Vegeta let out a laugh. 'What happened?" He asked sarcastically.

Celestia flew back a bit but then lunged forward at Vegeta again, only to receive a firm punch to the face in return knocking her to the ground.

Vegeta could hear his Hells Bells theme in the background as he stepped towards Celestia.

"What's wrong?...You were talking all that good shit five seconds ago."

"Wait!" Celestia was on her hooves now. "What is she paying you?"

"All the Dr. Pepper I can drink and free cable."

"Wha-...Really?"

"No not really, who takes a deal like that!"

Fluttershy squeaked in the background, "I would."

Vegeta gave a quick glance, "Shut it!"

"Whoa!" Twilight yelled.

Rainbow Dash was next, "Whoa!"

Celestia, "Whoa!"

Luna, "Whoa!....that was low."

Vegeta looked around, "What?"

Applejack stepped forward, "This is Fluttershy, and she's very sensitive."

Vegeta realized that her name was Fluttershy and that she was in fact, shy. The saiyan prince face palmed so hard he broke the sound barrier.

Celestia paused for a moment and then looked towards Luna, "Dearest sister, were you trying to take my throne?"

"Of course not. I would never try something like that."

"Then..." Celestia remembered how the Guru had said Luna would try to take over. "THAT LYING GREEN MOTHERFUCKER!"

This drew looks from everyone including Vegeta.

"I'm sorry everypony and guest." Celestia began, "And I'm sorry dear sister." she moved in to give Luna a hug.

Vegeta stood to the side, "God, you people are worse than Kakarot on a hugging spree."

"Come my dear sister, and farewell Twilight." Celestia and Luna began to fly up to Canterlot but a voice could be heard calling to them.

"What about my immortality?!" Vegeta yelled.

Luna turned around, "Oh yes, sorry but the deal is off."

"What!?!...Can I at least get the bitches!"

"No."

"...Not even one!"

"Sorry."

Vegeta waited for a second then remember the other thing, "What about a one way ticket home!?!" Luna was too far off to hear this and Celestia could have cared less that day.

The situation had calmed down and Vegeta took in what had happened.

"So I guess you're stuck with us." Twilight stated.

Vegeta looked at the group of smiling ponies then out to the distant mountains. "God damnit Nappa..."

Author's Note

Wow, was that random or what? I hope no one's taking this story seriously, I mean its like a reincarnated version of 60's Era Spiderman goes to Equestria.
For those of you who might be taking this in a serious way, then you're over thinking it. And now that I'm really thinking about it I guess there could be a few serious chapters here and there, maybe an adventure or something. Also, leave your thoughts about characters getting stuck in Equestria like Vegeta did. Is it weird? Too soon? Off topic? Let me know. I almost forgot to mention that I'm still looking for a couple pre readers, so if you're interested say so in the comments. Believe me, it might be YOU who keeps this story funny.
Anyways, next up will either be TFS Goku or TFS Alucard...I really can't decide.

Freezer burned

I'm not even letting my editors near this chapter, why? Because this chapter is mostly worthless!
The Goku chapter is still in the making, I just can't seem to make it funny. Also this chapter is just kind of there. I have no idea how this will effect the story line...If there's even a story line to all of this.

BOOM! Namek explodes leaving behind a large debris field with chunks of land floating freely around in space. Among the rubble Frieza was clinging to life and mentally cursing the saiyan named Goku.

But instead of Frieza being picked up by his father like how we know it, a strange force took action and decided to punish Frieza for being such a dick.

Frieza woke up in a small soft bed with the sun blasting him right in the face as he sat up. Looking in the direction of the incoming sunlight, Frieza took a mental note to blow the sun the fuck up later for its assault against him. Then a sudden memory came to his mind. He had lost his one arm and legs!

Checking himself over quickly while staying in bed he decided not to question his body being fully recovered. All thoughts towards this stopped however when a creature entered the room that Frieza was staying in.

"You're awake!" Twilight Sparkle. Local Librarian. and definitely NOT Princess.

"Oh my god... you're a talking pony." Frieza was in disbelief and honestly wanted to play things out a bit.

"Uh, yeah. I am." There was a slight pause between the pony and...and...whatever the fuck Frieza is, but Twilight decided to break the silence. "What's your name?"

"Lord Frieza."

"Lord?"

Frieza smiled, "Yes. As in owner of most of the known universe."

"Oh." Twilight began to feel uneasy as Frieza stood up off the bed and while he was clearly taller than Twilight it wasn't by much.

As Frieza walked over to the window and looked out into the happy streets of Ponyville he saw what he guessed to be pony children playing with a small red ball.

"Nice planet you got here."

Twilight was now very concerned, "Uh, Okay. Thank you?"

"I think imma take it."

"You what?"

"Imma take it."

Suddenly Twilight sprinted out of the library faster than she ever had before and headed to the first pony she could think of. Rainbow Dash.

"RAINBOW DASH!" she yelled at the base of Dashes cloud house. "Get out here!"

Rainbow Dash however had fallen asleep on top of an unused bookshelf and abruptly fell off to Twilights yelling. After she had regained her composure she quickly headed outside to meet Twilight.

"What's wrong! Did you misplace another book or something?" Dash asked trying to act concerned in her friends problem.

Twilight gave her explanation at an impressive speed. "NO! This strange creature appeared out of nowhere last night so I took it into the library and fixed it up and now IT WANTS OUR PLANET!"

Rainbow Dash stood in front of Twilight and was about to call out B.S when the library suddenly exploded in a huge red ball of energy.

"My books!...oh Celestia! The elements!"

"Now Twilight. I want you to look me in the eye and say we're in trouble. BUT only if we're in trouble."

"Rainbow Dash, we are not in trouble."

"Okay good, now-"

"We're royally screwed."

As the ponies stood looking at what was once the library, Frieza made his way over to them and occasionally blasted a few innocent ponies he saw running away.

"Oh I'm sorry. Was that place important to you?"

Twilight was about to snap! "Important! All my study books were in there and so were the elements! They're our only means of defense against creatures like you!"

Frieza laughed, "Oh good, so I'm fucking this planet up pretty good then."

Rainbow Dash muttered under her breath, "What a prick."

Frieza put his hands together, "Okay so here's how this is going to work. First off I'm pissed, and am going to hold a grudge against your people for what one saiyan did to me."

Dash cocked her head, "And the Second?"

"I will definitely blow up this planet when I'm done...Oh yeah, Planet Vegeta all over again. Good times. good times." Friezas voice trailed off as he remembered wiping out the saiyan race.

"But I thought you wanted our planet?" Twilight asked.

"Pfft not anymore."

"But-"

"Bitch don't hate the player, hate the game!"

Twilight shot Dash a confused look then looked back to Frieza, "What game?"

"What. uh it's a metaphor... Do you get Space Hulu here?"

"Uh, no. No we don't."

"Space Tube?"

"No."

Frieza paused for a moment. "SpaceNet? or at least tell me you have basic Space Cable?"

Twilight shook her head as Rainbow Dash held a confused looked.

Frieza sighed but then suddenly got hit in the back of the head with a dark blue magic shot. Frieza slowly turned around to see who had the balls.

"Princess Luna!" Twilight yelled out as she was happy to see some help. "You're in for it now!" she continued looking at Frieza.

Luna took a quick look at Frieza and then glanced at Twilight, "Twilight, are thou unharmed?"

"Yes! But this guy wants to blow up Equestria!"

Frieza smiled, "Only a lot."

Luna began to charge her magic and started to lift into the air, "Stand back Twilight Sparkle! This will be the most devastating attack I have ever had to release!"

Dash quickly grabbed Twilight and flew up into the sky to avoid any side effects of Lunas attack while Frieza continued to stand still looking up at Luna.

Luna fired her attack and her aim was dead on for Frieza, but instead of the attack making a direct hit, Frieza easily bitch slapped it off into the distance which hit some unrelated town that no one or pony cared about.

Luna held a confused and lost face, "I believe I am...Oh, how do the ponies of today say it?"

Rainbow Dash yelled towards Luna in the distance, "You're fucked! or sometimes we say majorly screwed."

Twilight still hung in Dashes arms, "I say royally."

"Shut up Twilight."

Frieza stood looking at Luna with his usual lusting face for blood, "So I heard you were a Princess! How about we re-work the throne system!" Frieza pointed his finger at Luna as he said this and a pinkish beam of energy shot right through Luna causing her to fall to the ground.

Both Rainbow Dash and Twilight watched in horror at the scene that they both witnessed.

Meanwhile at Kami's lookout, Mr. Popo had been sitting in a lawn chair and was watching the Hub channel where he got special permission to watch the ponies in real time.

"Okay, No." He said as he stood up out of his chair and put down his brand of beer he created that no mortal could even stand to look at without dieing. "Kami, I'm heading out for a bit."

Kami had just stepped outside of the lookouts palace and took in a deep breath, "Where might you be going Mr. Popo?"

"Oh nowhere really, Someone's just fuckin' with mah ponies."

"Oh dear, No one gets to fuck with your ponies. Have fun, Mr. Popo. Oh and slap that Diamond Tiara bitch for me while you're there."

"No promises." Mr. Popo then proceeded to vanish with vengeance in his eyes.

Meanwhile Rainbow Dash was landing precise kicks in Friezas face but was easily smacked back towards Twilight.

"Sorry Twilight....He's just too strong." Twilight was about to try an attack of hers but-

"HIIIII." A black (not racist) figure suddenly appeared.

Frieza looked at Mr. Popo in confusion, "What...What the hell?"

"Bitch you don't mess with mah ponies!"

"Uh, Come again?"

"Bitch. Following me?"

"Yeah."

"You don't. Still with me?"

"Yes."

"MESS WITH POPO'S PONIES!"

Suddenly a black mist overtook Frieza causing him to vanish without a trace.

'Enjoy the dead zone bitch!" Mr. Popo then turned his attention to Twilight and Rainbow Dash.

"Oh no. Please don't tell me you're against us too."

"No. And look."

"What?"

"Luna's here!"

Luna suddenly appeared right next to Mr. Popo and was looking around in confusion as to what had just happened. "Why did thou save me dark and mysterious one?"

"Cause you're mah favorite, unlike the guy writing this, she's his favorite." Popo pointed a finger at Rainbow Dash.

"Are thou serious?"

"Oh yeah, sometimes he likes to play favorites and shit and I have to step in."

"Uh, Mr. Popo?" The writer asked.

"What do you want worthless maggot writer?"

"I was hoping we could move on with the story here."

"Maybe. But what's wrong with you! Killing Luna like that!"

"What? It made for an interesting plot twist don't you think?"

"Drama Queen!"

"Mr. Popo this is hardly the time-"

"Drama Queen!"

"We are seriously breaking the fourth wall here."

"Drama Queeeeeen."

"Fine!"

And so Mr. Popo scratched Luna's ear and then gave a slight wave to Twilight and Rainbow Dash. Twilight stepped forward with one question on her mind.

"Uh, will we ever see you again?"

"Yeah, sure whatever." Mr. Popo then returned to Kami's lookout where he told Kami very little of what had happened. In the mean time Ponyville recovered quickly and the Library was rebuilt and all of the books were replaced along with the elements of harmony.

Author's Note

Wow, wtf am I on? I apologize for not updating this story more frequently. Me and some friends were gearing up to make an animated MLP series but when we asked Hasbro for permission they shot us down pretty quickly. We're not giving up though.

"But Colonel, what does this mean?"

It means Hasbro's a dick and you'll see more of me on here!
If you're actually interested in the animation thing then follow me and I'll try to keep everyone updated on our progress with blogs.

We need some muffins in this story!

If you find any mistakes don't be afraid to point them out.

Vegeta continued to stare off towards the distant mountains as he wondered how he had gotten to this god forsaken planet in the first place. Maybe it wasn't even a planet. Maybe it was a parallel to Earth or something. One thing was for sure though, Vegeta was either going to find a way home or blast himself there.

"So, I just want to say that Luna and Celestia don't usually do that. See a giant green monster came and gave Celestia the wrong idea. Also, I don't believe that I caught your name." Twilight was relieved that the princess situation was over and was now focusing on the new creature at hand.

"So let me get this straight." Vegeta turned back to the ponies. "A badass Namekian came to your world. Fucked shit up. And then left."

"That's about it in a nutshell. Also could you tone down on the cursing."

"Why the fuck would I do that." Vegeta had stressed his profane word on purpose.

"Well it might be ok to say words like that where you come from but it's frowned upon here." Twilight almost held a lecturing tone.

Vegeta ran a hand through his hair as he once more thought of his situation. "Look, I think...I'll take off for a bit, Kay? And without waiting for an answer Vegeta took to the sky and flew off to get a better look at the area around him.

"Well he seems friendly." Rainbow Dash shot Twilight a quick look. "Do you think he'll be the last one of those strange creatures?"

Twilight let out a sigh, "I doubt it."

It was a beautiful day on Earth and Goku was flying around letting the gentle warm breeze take him away. He had done all of his usual daily things like go fishing and torture Piccolo with strange questions. But when Goku got to Fuck Vegeta's day up royally he couldn't find him anywhere.

"Goku can you hear me? It's King Kai."

Goku stopped floating around and paid attention. "Hey King Kai, what's up?"

"Oh nothing, me and a couple gods got together. Smoked some weed. You know how it goes."

"Fo shizzel King Kizzel." Was all that Goku replied with.

"Yea...so we kinda thought it would be funny to send you to a random place in existence...How is it?"

"Silly King Kai, you haven't sent me anywhere."

"Wha- really? Huh. I could have sworn that I did."

"Nope."

"Well then, if you'll be so kind as to hold on. I'll give the Random places to send people wheel a spin."

"Okay." Goku continued to float around in the air and observe a couple birds that passed him by.

King Kai gave the wheel a spin and after it landed on a selection he read it to Goku. "Hmm, Someplace called Equestria...Never heard of it."

"Hey, if your a god-"

"DEMI-god." King Kai corrected.

"Right that. Well shouldn't you know everyplace in the universe?"

"Oh fuck no, that's a lot to remember. Anyways Goku lets get this show on the road and don't forget to let me know what Equestria is like."

"You got it!" Suddenly Goku was transported to an old looking town that seemed to be stuck in the middle ages and was greeted by the main 6 who hadn't even had enough time to move after Vegeta left.

Twilight put a hoof over her eyes, "Oh sweet Celestia, not another one!"

"HI! I'm Goku." Goku greeted in his usual friendly manner.

Rainbow Dash flew towards Goku and stopped face level, "Alright, so what's the deal with you?"

"Deal? But I didn't bring cards." Goku acted as innocent as he could.

"What...No, I meant what's wrong with you."

"Hmm, I'm not sure."

Rainbow Dash put a hoof to her forehead and went back to Twilight. Out of nowhere a muffin fell from the sky and hit Goku on the head causing him to catch it.

Goku took a good look at the muffin he was holding and then got a huge smile on his face.

'It...rains....MUFFINS HERE!!!" Goku was overjoyed with his new found discovery which he would have put into any book he were to pick up. But as Goku stared up at the sky a grey Pegasus stared back down at him.

"Can I have my muffin back!?!" Derpy yelled from her safe cloud.

"But...I found it!"

"But it was mine first!" Derpy jumped from her cloud and landed in front of Goku.

After staring at her crossed eyes for a minute he decided not to upset the locals and handed Derpy the muffin.

"You know, where I come from we have muffin buttons...everywhere!"

Derpy returned his stare with a wide smile. "Really!?!"

"Oh yea, but for some reason I'm the only one who can find them."

As the discussion of muffins continued Pinkie Pie couldn't help but listen to the conversation.

Pinkie happily cut in. "Excuse me, but did you say muffin button? As in, endless muffins?"

Goku looked down at Pinkie. "Yep."

"Wow that sounds like a lot of fun. You could have an endless amount of muffins and maybe even cupcakes!" Pinkie was on edge with the thought of endless cupcakes.

Twilight leaned in towards Rainbow Dash, "Hey." she whispered, "Can you keep him busy?"

"Why?" Dash replied in the same tone.

"Because maybe if I can get a good look at him with my magic I can stop all these strange creatures from just appearing out of nowhere."

"Gotcha." Dash then flew up to Pinkies side. "Hey Pinkie tell him about the mirror pond or something."

"Okey dokie!"

As The group of four listened to Pinkies tale of the mirror pond and the adventure she had with it, Twilight was moving behind Goku and began to use her magic on him.

Slowly a purple aurora surrounded Goku completely and caused a tingling sensation to which Goku broke down laughing. "S-stop-it....THAT TICKLES!!!"

Twilight continued with what she was doing but couldn't sense anything from Goku at all. She couldn't even read his mind...if there was anything to be read.

"Why isn't my magic working on you?"

"Aw." Goku replied. "Silly pony. Magic is worthless." Goku had recovered from his laughing fit while Twilight hung her mouth open with what Goku had said.

"Magic...worthless?" Twilight was still in disbelief.

"Yeah, it is, isn't it." Goku replied as if he was dreaming about something. Something that was probably muffin related.

"What! But magic isn't-" Twilight was cut off by Goku putting his hand on her head.

"Bored now, Imma read your mind."

"You what?" Suddenly Twilight felt a surge of energy travel through her body and was surrounded with a white aurora.

"GAH! What'd you just do!" Twilight stated in a bit of a daze.

With what Goku had now learned such as what Equestria was and everything that Twilight knew, he only responded with. "Ha! That dark blue one was trapped for a thousand years."

Meanwhile at Kami's Lookout.

Mr. Popo stood up from attending the massive amount of pot he had growing for Kami. "Strange." He said to himself.

Kami had just caught his statement as he was walking out of the palace. "What's wrong Mr. Popo?"

"Oh, it's probably nothing." He said as he turned back to his pot operation. "But I could have sworn someone just made a lame joke about Luna."

"Hmm."

Back in Equestria.

"Oh I almost forgot." Goku said as he slammed his fist in his hand. "I'm suppose to tell King Kai what I've learned about this place."

"And that would be?" Twilight asked.

Goku hesitated for a moment, "I'm not sure."

To this remark Rainbow Dash facehoofed. "Twilight, you know what I think?"

"What, Dash?"

"I think this one's dumb!"

Twilight looked at Goku then back to Dash, "How do you know?"

Dash leaned in towards Twilight, "watch his eyes. I swear I saw them derp out one time."

"What are you-" Twilight cut herself off as she looked back at Goku.

"Dear Celestia...I see what you mean." As Twilight finished her statement Goku's eyes reverted to normal. Top anime scientists believe the derp happened as a result of to much information from Twilight's mind.

"Well" Goku started, "I can always tell King Kai about this place later, I guess."

"To be honest, I don't even know how to handle this situation in general. Princess Celestia already came to Ponyville and seemed to ignore the situation."

Dash cut in, "Like she always does."

Twilight continued, "It seems like you're too stupid to really do any damage."

Derpy cleared her throat to remind everyone that she was still there.

"And I'm pretty sure that somehow we met a guy called Frieza and he was about to destroy Equestria until a black, what I am suspecting to be genie, showed up and made him disappear."

Dash was about to start laughing at Twilight, "Twi, I really don't think that happened."

"That's just it, we seem to have collective amnesia or something."

Applejack was sitting down in the back and was quietly watching the situation unfold, but at this point she stood and walked past Twilight. "Alright Twilight, I've had enough crazy stuff for one day. If you need me, I'll be back at the farm."

"Popo." Goku said out loud.

"Huh?" Twilight asked.

"I think the guy you're talking about is called Mr. Popo. Oh you know what I miss?"

Twilight was unsure, "What?"

"The flying nimbus, yeah, nimbus could take me anywhere. except space. Cause, ya know. Space is a vacum." Goku continued with his ridiculous statement.

Twilight stared at Goku with a look like she was going to fall asleep. "Yeah, I'm done for today. Everypony go home. Spike!" She yelled into the library. "Fire up the margarita machine, its time to play drunk science."

Author's Note

Well here it is, the Goku chapter. Also, I'm still in the market for pre readers/editors for this story or even one of my other stories. so if you'd like to help out that'd be great!

Let me show you my Alucard.

As Twilight entered the library to test her limits with alcohol, Goku suddenly saw Vegeta flying over head.

"Hey Vegeta!" he yelled.

"Oh god, what do you want Kakarot?"

"Nothin."

Vegeta let out a sigh and landed next to Goku, "Who's your friend?" he asked pointing towards Derpy.

"She's cross eye." Goku responded.

Derpy looked up at Goku, "Actually my name's Derpy Whoo-"

"Yep, good old Cross eye."

Vegeta replied, "That right huh, hey how'd you get here?"

"Get where?"

"Here."

Goku thought for a moment, "I dunno."

Vegeta gently put his hand over his face in frustration then suddenly noticed the ground was shaking. "Kakarot? da fucks goin' on?"

"I don't know!"

"Do you ever know anything?!"

Suddenly a tall vampire in a red trench coat with a stylish red hat and bitchin sunglasses burst out of the ground.

"Suuuuup!" he said.

Vegeta took a good look at the vampire, "Who the hell are you?"

"Name's the Crimson Fucker but you can call me Alucard... Wait, I remember you." he said while pointing at Vegeta.

"Well I don't remember you." Vegeta replied.

"Oh yes you do, remember we did that quick Christmas thing together."

Suddenly Vegeta began to laugh, "Oh yeah, that's right. We almost wasted the Earth with that fight we had!"

"Good times." Alucard replied.

Goku kept his usual retard smile, "Do you remember me?"

"We've never met...Oh shit are these ponies!" Alucard ran over and picked up Rainbow Dash. "I fucking love ponies!"

"Oh Celestia, please, whatever you are, put me down." Dash was being crushed by an Alucard style huge that no one ever gets.

Alucard put Dash down and began to smell the air for some odd reason gaining a strange look from Vegeta.

"I smell...alcohol." He said as he gave a smile to Vegeta and busted down the door to the library, "Who's mixin it up in here!" he yelled as he entered.

Twilight dropped a perfectly good bottle of Tequila and Apple Farm Whiskey shattering them both while giving spike a mild heart attack.

"Geez!" Twilight yelled, "What are you? Another one of those monkeys that got stuck here?"

"Hey, I'm a fuck mothering vampire and I deserve to be referred to as such."

"Right." Twilight rolled her eyes somewhat pissed at the new development. "Can I help you with something?"

"Hold on." Alucard had pulled a cell phone out of no where. It was a windows/Android hybrid phone and had over 9000 terabytes of storage space. Legends say 5000 terabytes of that was porn, but it's only a legend.

"Hey! Alucard! why do you have signal and I don't!" Vegeta demanded.

"Fuck you, that's why."

Vegetas anger was growing immensely as he was getting one upped at every turn.

Alucard dialed a number he had in his contacts and listened to it ring.

A familiar voice picked up on the other end, "Hello? This is the Princess of the Night. How did you get this number?"

"Bitch. Ponyville. Night on the town. Now." Alucard then proceeded to hang up on Luna respectively. "Gotta keep the bitches wanting more." he said to himself.

Twilight still watched Alucard closely trying to figure out what he was doing. "Who was that?"

"Oh, it was your princess."

"Celestia?"

"She's still around? I mean, no, Luna."

"How do you know Luna?" Twilight asked.

"Remember how she was trapped in the moon for a 1000 years?"

"Yeah."

Alucard continued in a seductive tone, "Who do you think kept her company for that amount of time."

Twilight cringed a bit at the thought, "I didn't need to know that."

Suddenly a blue flash over took the library and Luna appeared. "Ha zah! You have returned Alucard!"

"Sup bitch."

Luna was moving in for a hug but Alucard stopped her. "Okay, don't think I don't know what you did."

"Whatever do you mean?" she asked.

"You texted Arnold Schwarzenegger when you were in trouble and not me! Why?"

"It was an honest mistake." Luna said looking innocent.

"Whatever, you're lucky I like you."

"Does this mean I get to stay on you're cell phone plan?"

"Pfft yeah, cause all you have around here is sprint, and sprint sucks." Alucard replied.

"It truly does." Luna added.

"Okay." Alucard took a seat in a nearby chair. "We need to go clubbing. If we haven't hit every club in this town by the end of the night then we did something wrong."

"An excellent idea Alucard. How do you come up with these things?" Luna asked.

"I paid a visit to the 60's era spiderman story, that's how."

"I...I don't follow." Luna stated.

"It's better you don't."

Twilight cut in on the conversation, "Hey I heard clubbing. Can I get in on this?"

"No." Alucard stated.

"Oh come on, I feel like you owe me." Twilight replied.

"Now why would I ever owe you."

Twilight pointed to the spot that spike was cleaning where the bottles of alcohol had broken.

Alucard only replied with,

"That's funny, I could have sworn I just heard my boss Integra."

Luna walked up closer to Alucard, "Oh come on Ally, I don't think it would be a bad idea to let Twilight join us."

"Jesus, fine. Pony with the name from that stupid movie...you can go." Alucard said as he thought over the situation.

Twilight smiled then got confused at the 'movie' remark.

Vegeta and Goku were still outside of the library but had heard every word, "Hey Alucard, can we come too?" Vegeta asked.

"No." Alucard said.

"Why not? you're letting her go!" Vegeta responded.

"Yeah, cause Luna wants it. End of story. And as you may have noticed, I've got a big night planned."

"Fine." Vegeta said, "Me and Kakarot will go do something, and..and...hey you!" Vegeta pointed at Rainbow Dash.

"Me?" She replied.

"Yeah, come on. We'll show them we can have a fun time! There'll be Blackjack! and Hookers!" Vegeta then stormed off with Goku and Rainbow Dash to go do whatever it was that Vegeta had planned.

Alucard turned his attention back to the matter at hand, "Oh man, if I didn't just rustle some jimmies I'll eat my hat... So, Twilight. I don't know anything about you. Which I'm sure surprises someone somewhere. Tell me, do you like parties?"

Twilight suddenly thought of Pinkie Pie, "No, no. why did you say that? Why!"

Luna added, "Get your gun Alucard! You may be the only one with the power to stop her!"

Alucard straightened his glasses. "What was that writer? Did you say glasses?"

"Yes." The writer responded.

"No, these are vintage sunglasses. You will refer to them as such."

"Okay, okay. Calm down." The writer responded.

Alucard straightened his SUNglasses and looked up at Luna and Twilight, "Would someone or somepony, hehe, get it? Care to explain to me what in the actual fuck you two are going on about."

"When you say." Twilight looked around quickly then whispered, "Party. Pinkie Pie shows up and she's literally a party animal."

Alucard stood up, "Oh really? Hey Pinkie Pie!!! Come on out and party!" he yelled and looked around the room. "Well, I don't see-"

Suddenly confetti covered the entire library also covering Alucard and the others, even spike had confetti on him and he was in the next fucking room!

"I love parties!" Pinkie yelled out and latched onto Alucard. "Here, want a cupcake?!" Pinkie held a cupcake up to Alucard but as he watched her with a smile Pinkie slid it into his coat pocket.

"Oh you are just a treat." he said while taking in the full quality of Pinkie Pies party standards.

Author's Note

I feel like I should put the Mature rating on this story since Alucard came in.

So, What's gonna happen next? Will Vegeta actually have a good time? Could Goku fuck this up? How will Alucard handle Pinkie? And where did Derpy go!...The world may never know....

By the way, I'm feeling some chaos coming on...

Not gonna lie...This one's kinda hate filled.

I'm writing this because of the new episode where Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon have officially pissed me off... I regret nothing.

Alucard pushed Pinkie aside and walked past Goku and Vegeta. In doing this he saw poor Scootaloo getting picked on by Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon on how she couldn't fly.

Alucard knew who Scootaloo was and felt bad for her. He had always kept the thought that maybe, someday, her wings would grow and she would be aloud to kick the shit out of those two.

Of course, those were the days when Alucard wasn't around Ponyville, so today had to be different.

"What's the matter blank flank? Feel bad about putting Ponyville to shame since you can't fly?" Diamond bitch said enjoying Scootaloos' tears of insecurity.

"Y-y-you know. Someday, my wings might grow." Scootaloo sobbed out.

"Yeah they could, but probably not. Face it, you're a disgrace to all pegasi everywhere!" Silver cunt added.

Suddenly a huge shadow overtook the three fillies and a voice followed, "You know, every time I see you two picking on her I'm never around to set you straight." Alucard was holding a threatening tone, "But it's gonna be different today!"

Silver whatever was the first one to speak up, "What the heck are you? some kind of monk-" She was cut off by Alucard bitch slapping her so hard that flew off towards the distant mountains causing them to explode with enough force to send a decent breeze over Alucard, only adding to his badassness.

"What's the matter Diamond bitch! Didn't think I was the kind of guy to come out of nowhere and mess up your day?!"

Diamond worthless sat in front of Alucard unable to move and Scootaloo was equally as scared. On the other hand Alucard held a huge smile and something like a black aurora surrounded him.

Alucard continued, "Maybe, you should have thought this out before you started shit you couldn't finish!"

Fucking Tiara couldn't keep her whore mouth closed, "You're not even a pony. Celestia won't be happy with what you did to Silver Spoon."

With this, Alucard put his gun in Diamond bitches mouth, "Bitch I follow Luna." Then pulled the trigger while still smiling. I'll leave the blood and gore to your own imagination.

"Were those stupid cunts bothering you?" Alucard asked in a calm tone towards Scootaloo while holstering his gun.

"U-uh yeah...Are you going to kill me now too?" Scootaloo was still in tears after recent events.

"No no no no no...well maybe." Alucard said in a joking tone while Scootaloo cringed on the ground. "Relax, I wouldn't kill you, you're too damn adorable." he said as he picked Scootaloo up giving her a reassuring hug. The kind of hug you need after a bashing like Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon gave.

"You're so nice." Scootaloo managed to say.

"Yeah, now you need to figure out where your deserting friends went to and why they pussed out of a fight." Alucard said as he sat Scootaloo down. "Now run along, I've got a story to continue."

With this Scootaloo was all better and her confidence was restored. She had never felt more sure of herself and decided to try flying again and she wouldn't stop until she would be able to achieve actual flight.

Alucard smiled to himself knowing the good deed he had done on this day. He rid the world of two bitches that the writers of the show would never actually fix. He then turned around and started walking back to the library in slow motion, getting an approving nod from Vegeta while spraying Old Spice Body Spray on him and himself as he passed by into the library.

Author's Note

Yes! I feel a lot better now. And I hope you do too... Okay, back to writing regular stuff. Also, sorry this was so short.

[Insert Chapter Title Here]

Alucard walked back into the library and savored the look on Twilights face. Meanwhile, Luna was on her back laughing her ass off and having a good old time at what Alucard did to that bitch of a pony.

"Ally, you don't know how long I've waited for somepony to do that!" Luna yelled while recovering from extreme laughter.

Twilight was still surprised and was even more shocked to find out that Luna was enjoying it. "Luna! He just killed a filly! How are you okay with this?"

Alucard cut in, "How are you not? Those two were serious bitches! And I'm not talking about the hot kind."

Twilight tried to reply, "But-"

"And like that, I'm all out of fucks to give." Alucard turned his attention to Luna, "Am I not suppose to do stuff like that?" he asked.

Luna held an unimpressed expression, "Does it really look like I give a fuck about what you do?" she said as Pinkie was handing out cups of punch in celebration of Alucards' good deed. Pinkie Pie was in the loop of things and knew how they had been treating the kids and was glad to see them go. Twilight, on the other hand, stood in shock at the language her Princess just used.

Luna continued after taking a sip, "What? Will I have to get that guy that can stop you...what was his name?"

Alucard answered her question, "Michael McDoesnt Exist." With this Luna only continued to giggle more.

Alucard took the cupcake that Pinkie gave him earlier out of his coat pocket and ate it in one bite. He quickly noted how sweet the cupcakes here were compared to the ones that Walter made him. He adjusted his sunglasses one more time and began to speak with each pony listening thoughtfully.

"Alright Pinkie, you're in. But if we lose you at some point...I'm not looking for you."

"Hooray!" Pinkie jumped and threw hoof fulls of confetti into the air. Alucard noted her ability to get things from practically out of nowhere. This was something he could as well of course, but he didn't like to show it off.

Spike had finished cleaning the floor and was now ready to be his usual fun killing self. "Twilight? Is it really a good idea to go with this...thing."

Alucard heard the remark but waited to see what else the little dragon would say.

"Look, Spike. I really don't want to discuss it right now. This sounds like it's going to be fun and when was the last I had fun?"

Spike looked unamused, "Uh, yesterday. Remember how we re-arranged the books...again?"

Twilight looked like she was about to smack Spike into next week but held back, "I meant real fun."

Spike simply sighed, "Twilight, you need to think about responsibly here. Ask yourself, is it the responsible thing to go with him or would it be a better decision to, oh I don't know, find a way to fix this whole mess?"

Before Twilight could do anything Alucard cut in, "Are you being a fun Nazi?"

"A what?" Spike asked.

"You're really sucking the fun out this, and I should know. I'm a vampire."

Twilight put a hoof up to stop Alucard, "Alucard, he gets like this." she then turned to Spike, "Spike. Go to bed."

"But, it's only 6-"

"GO TO BED!" she yelled.

Without a response Spike went up to his bed and kept quiet.

"Sorry about that, he gets so hard to control sometimes." Twilight said to Alucard.

"It's cool, but seriously. You need to start smacking him around. He'll never learn his place if you don't use some force every now and again." Alucard was trying to give advice but it wasn't the best.

"What if he runs away?" Twilight asked.

"Then you hunt him down and shoot him or something. I'm sure you ponies have a way of punishing people who piss you off."

Twilight thought about this and decided to work on Spikes behavior when she got back.

"Okay. What time is it?" Alucard asked.

"6:06 in the afternoon." Luna replied.

"Hm. The sun's not down yet so technically it's not night." Alucard raised an eyebrow, "Think you can take of that, sugar lips?"

Luna blushed, "I...I really can't. You know all too well what happened the last time we decided to bring night around faster."

"Yeah, only this time I won't step out on you when Celestia starts throwing threats around...Speaking of that bitch, I thought you had a great plan to take over this place when you got out?"

Luna ran up to Alucard and put her hooves over his mouth. "Ha ha ha. Ally, your jokes are as funny as ever." Luna then leaned into Alucards ear and whispered through her teeth, "Those two like Celestia and have the Elements to back them up."

Alucard really didn't give a shit to what Luna said and simply walked outside and began to stare at the sun. He thought back to his times watching a show called Battlefield friends on YouTube and remembered what the engineer did to the sun.

Alucard smiled as he pulled out his gun, continuing to have a staring contest with the sun. He then proceeded to fire three rounds in the direction of the glowing sphere which lit up the sky. After a couple seconds of waiting and watching, the sun flickered then died out. With this Alucard went back into the library.

Princess Celestia was sitting in her room reading over the recent reports she had received from Princess Cadence. A guard had just brought her a cup of tea and as she took a sip her entire room went dim.

She quickly moved over to a nearby window and saw nothing but stars in the sky, not even the moon was out.

"What in Equestria just happened?" She asked herself. "I better check on the sun."

Celestias' horn lit up as she searched for the star that she had created so long ago, hoping to fix the problem. But nothing could be found.

"That's impossible!" she said with surprise.

Celestia then surrounded herself with a golden aurora and teleported into space. Once in orbit, she looked to where the sun usually was but found nothing except empty space.

Putting no further thought into the matter, she quickly created a new sun and teleported back to Canterlot where she would personally begin an investigation into the disappearance of her favorite object.

To Alucards' surprise the sun was back. Although knowing exactly who had fixed it he decided to play it cool, he did after all just blow up the fucking sun!

"Celestia won't be very happy when she finds out what you just did." Luna said.

"Bitch she might. But it'll be her problem if she figures it out."

Twilight was confused, "Wouldn't it be your problem?"

"No." Alucard responded.

There was a long pause as Pinkie rocked back and forth on the floor with a smile on her face and Alucard continued to hold a smile of his own.

"Soooo..." Alucard said then paused, "Are we gonna do something or stand around like a bunch of casuals?"

Luna wasn't impressed, "It's still day time."

Alucard did a double take at the window, "You know I think we could still fuck shit up during the day, there's no time limit on that."

Pinkie gasped, "What! Of course you have to wait for it to be night! Partying just isn't the same without the moon up above you."

Luna blushed while Alucard smiled, "I can vouch for you on that one Pinkie."

"I have an idea!" Pinkie Pie then proceeded to pull out a monopoly board with all of the pieces to it out of nowhere...And no one gave a fuck, not even Twilight.

Meanwhile on Goku and Vegetas' side of the story. The trio were walking through the market and Billy Mays could be heard selling the Apple Family products.

"Alright Kakarot, we need to mess this town up a bit. Not a lot, just a bit."

"But Vegeta isn't that bad?" Goku asked.

"No. It's, uh, helping them redecorate. Yeah...that's what it is." Vegeta responded.

Rainbow Dash was sitting quietly listening to the two warriors.

Vegeta quickly shifted his attention to Dash, "Okay, where's the toughest bar in town?"

Dash took a second to think, "It'd be over there." she pointed to a place called the Shady Trough. "Think your really tough enough to make it in there?"

Vegeta smiled and began to walk over to the bar while noticing all the pony style motorcycles lined up out side. "All too easy." he then turned to Goku, "Kakarot, stay here. This might get...interesting." he then continued his walk.

Once inside all movement stopped and Vegeta met every stare that came at him.

With an evil smirk Vegeta only said one short sentence, "Wrestling's fake." With this, every biker pony got up and grabbed weapons of their choosing. One had a crow bar while another had a broken bottle.

The closest biker pony had a tire iron and lunged at Vegeta. To this advance, Vegeta threw his fist which went clean through the iron and knocked the pony into the nearby wall. Two more lunged at him with crow bars and Vegeta easily evaded them and threw a right hook in the direction of the pony closest to him causing the whole bar to break out in a fight.

Goku and Rainbow Dash stood watching outside as ponies and various things went flying out of the bar. Vegeta then came walking out with a new pair of sunglasses and a bag full of bits with the bar exploding while catching the surrounding buildings on fire. With this, all the ponies in the area ran in different directions screaming at the terror.

"Kakarot, check it." Vegeta threw the bag on the ground showing his haul. "What do you think Rainbow?"

Rainbow Dash stood looking at the bag then glanced at the burning mess. "I think we just did something illegal."

Author's Note

I wrote this quickly as I am working on a Christmas chapter. Happy Holidays!

For whoever doesn't know what Battlefield Friends is, here's the episode that Alucard was thinking of.

The TFS Christmas Chapter Spectacular!

The Christmas Chapter

Alucard flipped the table over which they were using to play monopoly in fit of rage, ruining their game.

"Sore loser!" Pinkie yelled.

"No, you had Boardwalk and Park Place not to mention all the rail roads! I call Bullshit!" Alucard responded.

"Well I guess I win then." Pinkie said smirking at Alucard.

"Oh okay let me take a second to see who cares! That's right no one!"

Twilight moved in on the conversation, "Let's say that no one won."

"What, you're not gonna let me repaint your walls with Pinkies blood?"

"No Alucard. You can't do that." Twilight moved back and sat down, "I prefer my walls the way they are."

Suddenly Pinkie realized what day it was. "Hey Alucard, is the whole reason why you want to party because it's Hearths Warming Eve?"

"It's Hearths Warming Eve?!" Twilight was frantic looking back through her planner. "How could I have forgotten about that? Where's Spike?"

"Didn't you send him to bed?" Alucard asked.

"Oh yeah, well whatever." Twilight responded.

A pause overtook the library and Alucard couldn't help but notice how bored Luna looked. "Sooo, Hearths Warming Eve?"

"A holiday, Ally." Luna explained. "Where ponies get together and share stuff about friendship or whatever."

"I know what is. I was here a thousand years ago. What I meant was, did you have any plans?" he responded in a seductive tone.

Luna thought for a minute, "No, not really. I don't like Christmas."

Alucard smiled, "Oh my god, you remember what I like to call it." he raised his voice, "New rule, from now on you have to say Christmas."

Pinkie interrupted, "But-"

"Interrupt me again Pinkie, see what happens!" Alucard took a second to calm down and felt in his pocket which had tons of bits in it, "Now, if you don't mind I think I'll take a quick walk."

Luna looked concerned, "Will it be, enthusiastic?"

"No promises." Alucard then slammed the door behind him and began to walk through Ponyville humming Jingle Bells and gaining strange looks from the surrounding ponies.

The sun was setting at its usual rate and was slowly slipping behind the distant hillside. Ponyville was washed over in an orange glow and the temperature began to fall. Alucard noticed Pegasi bringing in snow clouds for the holiday occasion.

Alucard thought to himself, I wonder what I should get Luna? Maybe I'll get her a shirt, women always want cloths. Totally gonna write, eat me bitch, on the from tag. he couldn't help but smile at his thought.

Not five minutes into his walk Alucard stumbled across a shop called Enchantments and Stuff and headed inside.

A strange and mysterious pony was working the register and greeted Alucard, "Ah, Equestria doesn't usually get vampire visitors."

"Wow, you're the first one to call me that."

"Well I am well versed in the dark arts." the pony said.

Alucard smirked and began to glance around, "Yeah yeah, no one cares. Now I'm looking for something that says, sorry I've been gone for a thousand years."

"Is it a mare?" The pony asked.

"Yeah, you know she seemed happy to see me but I get the feeling like she's pissed at me for running out on her."

"I see, well do you know what she might want?" the pony asked.

"No, not really."

"Oh come on, you had to of noticed something, anything about her that she would want."

Alucard thought to himself for a moment then muttered, "The throne."

"What was that?" The pony leaned forward.

"Nothing, uh I need something else. How about cannons?" Alucard asked.

"I have this perfectly unused party cannon." The pony wheeled it to Alucard.

"That's perfect! Pinkies gonna love this!"

"Well, you know what they say?"

Alucards grin grew three times that day, "Bitches love cannons."

"Oh shit Kakarot, they got Dash!" Vegeta yelled as they were avoiding magic shots and running from the royal guard. Dash had been hit with a paralyzing spell knocking her out easily.

Goku and Vegeta decided to hold their own in the market not realizing that they had their backs against a wall. Literally.

Goku was the first to go down although it took about twenty or so shots to do it. Vegeta, on the other hand, was using a turned over apple cart for cover.

"Okay, you want some of this!" Vegeta popped out from the cart firing a volley of energy blasts at the guards yelling "Dakka dakka dakka." The whole time.

Meanwhile Shining Armor arrived at the scene and found Rainbow Dash in custody, he quickly moved to the lieutenant in charge.

"Lieutenant, report."

The lieutenant snapped to, "Sir, two strange creatures have been causing trouble in Ponyville. The Royal Guard had to be called and we have already apprehended this mare and we've downed one of the creatures in an orange suit."

"How did this start?"

"Well sir, local reports say it started with a bar fight then escalated to robbery and even murder."

Shining swallowed hard, "Do you know who the victims were?"

"Uh, Yes sir. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon."

Shining relaxed, "Oh okay, no pony cared about them. Why is Rainbow Dash restrained?"

"She was seen helping them, sir."

"Very good lieutenant, I'll take it from here. Have your unicorns hit him with their strongest paralyzing spells when he stands up." Shining Armor moved forward and could see Vegeta behind the cart. He then used a spell to amplify his voice.

"Cease fire!" At the command all the unicorn guards cooled their horns and Vegeta look out to see what was up. "We have you surrounded, give up now and Celestia may go easy on you."

"Fat chance!" Vegeta responded. "I'm not surrendering to multi colored ponies!"

"You have no escape! You'll tire out before the night is over." Shining responded.

"I could just fly away, dumbass!" Vegeta was about to throw a blast at Shining but he walked away before he could.

The lieutenant looked concerned, "Well, what should we do now?"

Shining Armor let out a sigh, "We have to go under New Celestial Law."

"But sir, she's an element barer. We can't-"

"It's not your decision lieutenant." Shining Armor moved back into Vegetas' view and reactivated the spell.

"I'm giving you one last chance. Give up and come with us peacefully."

"And what if I don't?" Vegeta asked loving the thrill of the situation.

"Then." Shining paused. "Under Celestial Law article 13 section 2, We will kill your associate." Immediately Rainbow Dash was brought into view. "You have until the count of three!"

"You don't have the balls!" Vegeta yelled.

"One."

Vegeta thought to himself, Shit, he might actually do it. And she's probably the only one I care about here.

"Two." Shining Armor began to sweat.

Vegeta continued his thoughts, Okay, so he would probably be able to kill her before I got to him. I guess I have no choice. Come to think of it, I don't know how to surrender.

"Thre-"

"Alright!" Vegeta stood up putting his hands halfway above his head.

Shining Armor let out a sigh, "Thank Celestia."

"Now!" the lieutenant ordered, with this all the unicorn guards hit Vegeta with the strongest paralyzing spells they had and after about thirty or so hits Vegeta was knocked out.

The lieutenant looked at his captain, "Sir? Were you really going to-"

"Now is not the time lieutenant." Shining Armor moved in on the situation to get a better look at the strange creatures. "Have the unicorns double their restraints, I don't want to take any chances."

Shining Armor couldn't help but think, And this had to happen on Hearths Warming Eve.

Alucard was still in the shop and was about to pay the strange pony until he was replaced with a fucked up looking creature, almost like god was drunk when he put him together.

"Discord. Long time no see." Alucard said staring at the draconequus.

"Quite. I knew you had to be back in town with all the chaos going on."

"What are talking about? I haven't even gotten started. I was gonna celebrate Christmas then fuck shit up." Alucard said not completely understanding what Discord was talking about.

"Wait, you mean that wasn't you who robbed the bank and killed those fillies?"

"I killed the fillies. But I haven't done anything else yet. Unless you just count my chaotic nature." Alucard smirked.

"Oh I think I see what's going on here." Discord disappeared and then reappeared at the door. "Those other two guys that came here, they're stealing your reputation."

"Hey! Just wait until after Christmas! I'll have all of Ponyville spit shining my boots!"

"I'm not doubting you. It's just that...well. They've been captured and are being taken to Celestia."

"Oh shit! That's not really my problem now is it. You know I heard she's really turned into a bitch since I left."

Discord leaned back onto nothing, "She was a bitch before you left."

"True dat."

"Look, I'm all for chaos but don't you think you should help them out." Discord said.

"Yeah, and I will. I already have a plan set in place." Alucard grabbed his gifts and walked out of the shop.

Discord appeared next to Alucard and was floating beside him, "You do? Tell me! I want to hear it. You're plans can be the most chaotic thing ever! Well next to me of course."

"Keep it in your pants Discord, No one gets to know until after Christmas."

"Oh fine. Do I at least get to be in on it?"

Alucard stopped and smiled, "Are you kidding? You'll be the main event. Now come on, It's fucking Christmas and I want to spend it right!"

And so, Discord was invited to the Christmas party that Alucard and Pinkie threw. All of their friends were there and they had a good time. No lessons were taught, and of course no fucks were given. Only the sound of laughter could be heard from the Golden Oaks Library. Meanwhile Goku, Vegeta, and Rainbow Dash were taken to Celestias' dungeon for questioning.

And who am I you might ask? Why I'm Discord. And since I'm involved in this story now I'm sure things will get much. More. Interesting. Mwahahaha.

The End....Of this chapter.

Author's Note

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Also I'm sure there's a part in there somewhere that doesn't make sense or it's a mistake because I wrote the whole chapter and it didn't save it. Yeah, here's a word to the wise, if you're not using Google Docs (which I don't) then save often.

Now with more Season 4 in every bite!

Vegeta sat quietly across from Goku in the chariot who was still unconscious. He gently moved his hands around feeling the magic restraints on his wrists.

"Childs play." Vegeta made the quick remark feeling how he could easily break the bond. He leaned forward and whispered to Goku, "Kakarot, Hey Kakarot." With no response he settled back in his spot and recounted what exactly happened.

"Let's see. Maybe I went a little too far." He thought but decided he didn't regret it. "I'm gonna need a plan. Let's see, knock out the guards and run for it or cry like a bitch to this 'Celestia' I keep hearing about and try to get off scot free. As Vegeta was thinking the situation over the chariot was stopped in front of an old wooden door surrounded by old rustic bricks.

The two guards who had been pulling the chariot came around back and unlatched the back door which could be used to get in and out easier. The chariot itself was crude at best. It was clearly meant to haul ponies not creatures like saiyans or anything else that rose above three feet. Although the restraints were probably enough to keep any prisoner at bay.

"Good to see that one of you are awake." The guard said then turned to his counterpart. "Go get the unicorn guard inside, I think his name is Blaze something." With a quick solute the guard was off. The first guard motioned for Vegeta to get out of the chariot which showed the height difference between their species.

It was too easy. The weak restraints, only one guard, and the fact that Vegeta could take Goku and Rainbow Dash with him without a second thought. It was just too easy. This was what kept running through Vegeta's mind as he stared the guard down challenging him through thought.

After minutes of an intense staring contest a unicorn stepped out and was shocked at what the guard had brought. "Uh sir?"

"Is there a problem?" The guard asked. "We haven't brought a prisoner in months, surely you have a free cell."

"Oh yeah, we have free space. But this guys pretty tall."

The guard let out a slight laugh. "I guess he'll have to duck in then." He readjusted his sight to an unconscious Goku and Rainbow Dash. "I need you to levitate those two in for me."

"Right away." The unicorn seemed to have no issue picking the two up but he could feel how heavy the abnormal creature was.

Vegeta sat in the corner of the cell waiting to see what would happen next. The cell was dark. Like really dark. So far from what Vegeta had already seen Equestria seemed like a bright and cheerful place but remembered that every society had a dark side to it.

In no time Goku started to pick himself up yawning as he looked at Vegeta. "Vegeta?" He said in a sleepy fashion. "What hap-" Goku rose up too quickly causing him to smack against the roof with a loud thud. "Ow! oh ow! That smarts...man why is this place so small!"

Vegeta couldn't help but laugh as he was hoping Goku would do that, "We're in some kind of prison, maybe a dungeon of some kind."

"Well a prison doesn't have to be small." Goku was sitting rubbing his head. While the two held a short discussion on cell dimensions Rainbow Dash was next to get up.

"Sweet Celestia...What'd I do last night?" Rainbow quickly glanced over at the two saiyans. "Oh yeah." She said in a monotone voice. "You guys."

"Like I'm thrilled to see you too." Vegeta replied.

Rainbow Dash made a noise with her mouth, the kind of noise when you're annoyed with someone. "Wait, hold on. Is this a dungeon?"

No one said anything in response.

"Oh Celestia we're in a dungeon! No. No no no. This can't be. I mean I've heard rumors but I never actually thought they were true!" Rainbow Dash was now in a full blown panic. "We're screwed! We are undeniably screwed!"

Goku spoke up, "Calm down I'm sure everything will be fine."

"Calm down! CALM DOWN! How can you say that? Do you know what Celestia usually does to ponies who end up in the Canterlot dungeon?"

The two continued to stare.

"She sends them to the sun!"

"The sun?" Vegeta asked.

"Oh yeah! Going to the moon must be over rated nowadays and the death penalty is usually the sun!" Rainbow Dash continued in her panic. "And what you did Vegeta, oh boy, we're definitely gonna fry on this one." She was biting her hooves at this point.

"You know I'd kinda like to go to the sun right now." Goku stated bluntly.

"Kakarot you have got to be joking on this one." Vegeta replied hoping that he was.

"No, see I've got all this pocket bacon and...and" Goku was reaching into his pocket but felt nothing. "And...come on, I know its here...NO! They must have taken all my pocket bacon! Why would they do that?!"

Vegeta continued to glare at Goku. "Why would you even carry bacon in your pocket?" After asking this he quickly took it back, "On second thought, I don't need to know."

"Well this is just great." Rainbow Dash was now sitting looking at the floor. "Everything I wanted to do with my life. Poof. Gone in a literal cloud of smoke."

"Would you relax already." Vegeta said as he crossed his arms behind his head. "We're not going to the sun. We'll break out of here before that happens."

"Why don't we just do it now?" Dash asked.

"Because. I'm hearing a lot about this 'Celestia' and I want to see it for myself." Vegeta replied.

As the three sat in the cell Vegeta was waiting patiently to meet Celestia while Ponyville had some other problems.

It was morning at this point and half of Ponyville laid in ruin. Not from Vegeta's antics more or less but from the party that Alucard and Pinkie Pie threw. Discord was missing an arm and was passed out in the Ponyville fountain. Spike was glued to the ceiling of the library while Alucard was locked in the closet. Luna and Twilight were asleep on the floor using books for pillows and were holding each other in an awkward manner.

A muffled yell could be heard from the closet. "That was the best Christmas party ever!"

Just then the closet door fell over bringing Alucard with it. A loud slam was sent through the library scaring Twilight and Luna awake. They quickly noticed their position and jumped up awkwardly.

"Where's...uh." Twilight was hardly able to form words. "Pinkie?"

Alucard was now on his back, "I dunno. I think she exploded into a cloud of cocaine and sparkles at some point...Speaking of which we can't have Discord over for parties anymore. He gave me drugs to which I'm sure are not drugs... I think."

Twilight could hardly feel her legs and stumbled into the kitchen. Luna on the other hand was spaced out looking at the town outside the nearby window.

Once Twilight hit the sink she quickly turned on the cold water with her magic and started drinking like water just came into existence. Once she had her fill she just rested her head in the sink and the water continued to run over her head. Even using her magic was stressing at this point.

"Pfft. Spikes on the ceiling." Alucard said bluntly. "How you doin up there little man?" Spike was still knocked out and gave no response. "Don't you fuckin ignore me."

"Ally." Luna stated.

"Yeah?"

"Was Ponyville always on fire?"

Alucard paused, "Probably?"

At this point Alucard sat up and looked around the library. It was a complete mess. Not even where the books were thrown around made sense. Some were even half way into the nearby stove.

"I'm gonna take a walk." Alucard said as he stood up. "I need to figure out where Discord went. And you should probably take a shower." He continued looking at Luna who was still zoned out. "You got a little something...all around here." He said as he jokingly circled her with his hand.

Alucard stepped outside into the bright sun. "Fucking sun, all bright and shit." He said. "Damn, those Pegasi work fast, all the snow's already gone!"

As Alucard walked down the street he saw how Ponyville was in ruin but it was nothing the local construction group couldn't handle. He had more pressing matters to attend too like fixing the already fucked up government system. Or something like that. That party really took a lot out of him.

Author's Note

I'm back bitches! Why you might ask? Cause a great story like this can't be left unfinished.

Chapter 2 is jealous of Chapter 1.

"Discord! Dissccooorrd!" Alucard was walking around town searching high and low for his disfigured friend. "Discord! Where are you, you ugly looking fucker!"

As if on queue Alucard heard movement in the fountain next to him. "I'm here...I think." Discord replied.

"Uhh, Where's your arm?" Alucard asked.

"Oh, yeah this happens." Discords arm reappeared on him and he was ready and waiting to go. "So, what's on the schedule today?"

"Okay well I think we should give the bitches some space. That was one hell of a party and you really need to get me some more of that blue stuff."

"You mean poison joke?" Discord replied.

"Hey, I don't care what its called. I've never been that high before in my life. Anyways, bitches need space. Now how does this grab you?" Discord was waiting patiently. "We dethrone Celestia."

"Dethrone Celestia." Discord repeated. "Are you sure you're not still a little high?"

"Trust me, I started coming down somewhere around 4 in the morning. That's kind of why I locked myself in the closet."

"Well." Discord said as he materialized a cup of tea in his hand. "I'm all in if you truly think you can do it but I have one question, who's going to take over Celestia's place?" Discord began to sip some of his magic tea.

'Luna!" Alucard yelled happily.

Discord almost choked. "Luna?! Oh come on, she's not that different from Celestia! Granted she's not as strict but still."

"Oh trust me Discord...You don't know her like I do." Alucard raised an eyebrow. "If you know what I mean. And besides can you run a country?"

Discord got ready to answer but was cut off by Alucard. "No you can't. And besides it'd get boring after awhile. It's just not worth it." Discord didn't respond. "Come on, we've got a bitch to dethrone."

Vegeta was almost napping when a guard came up to the cell. "Rise! Or in your cases...crouch. The princess will now hear your trial."

"It's about time." Vegeta said getting out of the cell. The restraints were replaced on the three and they were led to Celestia's throne room.

Princess Celestia sat in her throne room and was reading over unneeded paperwork until Shining Armor walked in. "It's good to see you again Shining Armor." Celestia said.

"Same to you princess."

"Tell me, how is Princess Cadence and the Crystal Empire?" Celestia asked with a warm smile.

"They're great princess, thanks for asking."

"So what brings you by?" Celestia continued in her inquiries.

"Well I came in for the holiday to see Twilight but instead I had to capture some strange creatures causing trouble in Ponyville." Shining said as he took up his place next to Celestia for the trial.

"Oh yes I was reading through the paperwork you submitted." That was a blatant lie. Celestia never read paperwork that came to her. "Bring in the prisoners!" She said staring at the entrance.

As Celestia gave the order the throne room doors swung open and there stood Rainbow Dash, Vegeta, and Goku with Vegeta now making eye contact with Celestia.

"Well shit." Celestia said loosing her friendly demeanor.

"Well, well, well." Vegeta said slowly walking towards the throne. "You're Celestia. I didn't catch your name last time when I kicked your ass."

"Yes, well, uh-" Celestia was cut off by Shining Armor.

"How dare you! No one speaks to the princess like that!"

"I'll speak to her however I god damn want to!" Vegeta readjusted his sight to Celestia. "I can't believe I'm seeing you again. Where's the blue one, I think her name was Luna. She still owes me."

"Shining Armor will you please leave us for a moment." Celestia said towards Shining who left the room with the other guard.

Vegeta looked at his hands. "No need to keep this act up anymore." Without a second thought he broke the restraints and focused on Celestia.

"Alright, you've proven before that I can't beat you. You're stronger than me and I can accept that." Celestia sighed. "What kind of deal do I have to make here?"

"Deal?" Vegeta asked in surprise. Rainbow was shocked at the situation in front of her and was rubbing her hooves where Goku had broken her restraints. "Just three things. Bitches, immortality, and a one way ticket hom-"

As if out of no where Vegeta could have sworn that he heard Back in Black by ACDC blaring through the hallways behind him and as if on queue Alucard came smashing through the throne room doors in an oversized Hummer with a bass boosted stereo system, pimped out rims, and a red under glow. Not to mention the license plate that read 'bite me!' on the back. Discord was at the wheel and had on huge aviator glasses and a jacket that read 'BAD ASS' across the back.

"Sup bitch." Alucard said as he got out of the beast of a vehicle.

"Celestia." was all Discord said looking at the princess.

Celestia along with the others were shocked at the sight before them. "Those were my favorite doors." Celestia mumbled.

"Oh my god its you again." Vegeta said looking at Alucard. "Why can't you just go home or something?"

"Pfft. You'd miss me." Alucard responded while pulling out his oversized gun.

Celestia sat in her throne and pondered the situation. Okay Celestia, you've been through worse...No actually this is as bad as it can get. That one with black spikey hair will take a bribe but Alucard is a different story.

"So you're cool with me killing her right?" Alucard asked Vegeta.

"I don't care, as long as I get to go home. You can do whatever the fuck you want." Vegeta responded.

"I can actually take care of that for you if you want." Discord said now moving towards Vegeta.

"Bitchin." Alucard said as he readjusted his sight to the throne. But something was different. It was lacking a certain bitch. "Oh that sneaky bitch ran!" Alucard thought for a moment and turned to Discord. "Discord, I need you to do me a solid and bring Luna here."

Without a second thought Discord snapped his fingers.

Luna had just finished toweling off after a hot shower and Twilight had made coffee with some toast. She also scraped Spike off the ceiling and had him hard at work cleaning up the library.

"Ally really knows how to throw a party, don't you think?" Luna asked as she grabbed some coffee and a piece of toast.

Twilight rubbed her head. "Yeah, but honestly I've never really been to very many parties."

"Well you will be now. Especially since he's back in town." Luna levitated her cup up to take a drink but the cup fell and shattered on the floor as she disappeared in a white flash.

"Ta-da!" Alucard yelled as he pointed Luna to the throne. "It's all yours my little princess."

"Wha..but. Celestia?" Luna asked in a confused voice.

"Pussed out like a bitch!" Alucard replied.

"Well uh." Luna was beginning to perk up. "I have always wanted to sit on the throne. At least for a few moments."

"Why not the rest of your life?" Alucard pushed Luna towards the throne causing her to stumble into it. "Well, are you still pissed at me for leaving all those years ago?"

Luna smiled and looked happier than ever. "Well this is a good start." She began to trail off. "But, I think something else might be in order...Everyone out! Except you Ally." She said in a seductive tone.

"Oh boy." Discord said as he teleported out of the room with all the accessories he had brought with him and he even had the decency to fix the doors.

"No wait! You motherfucker!" Vegeta ran out of the throne room to try and find Discord with Goku and a very confused Rainbow Dash following close behind.

When the room was clear Luna slammed the doors closed with her magic. Alucard readjusted his view to Luna and gave a smile. "Sooo. How's it goin'."

"Oh shut up." Luna then jumped at Alucard going for a full on tackle.

And then everything sexual happened. Tune in later to see how Alucards relationship plays out and to see if Vegeta ever gets his way. And don't miss out on Discord's new product line, Ol'de Chaos. Next up, News 9 with anchors Sunny Weather and Stormy Clouds.

Closed Caption provided in part by:
Ol'de Chaos. Feel the Chaos.

Author's Note

Made this chapter in a dark cave from a box of spare parts.

I've also got two chapters coming up next, which would you like first?

A) Discord's commercial for his new line
or
B) Alucard's stroll through the newly refurbished Ponyville

Either way both will happen.

Afternoon stroll

The sun was rising breaking through the dim fog left behind by the night. The cool crisp air of Canterlot was accompanied by the pleasant chirps of birds and the smell of wildflowers and lavender. One bird, a very strange looking bird, landed on the open window frame of Luna's chambers.

"HAAANN!" The bird had made a god awful noise and a gun shot was quickly followed in response.

"Fucking bird. Waking me up and shit." Alucard rolled out of bed and looked back to find Luna sleeping like a baby. How you might ask? Well let's just say shit got real last night and Luna was wearing noise cancelling headphones. What happened shouldn't be spoken about even at a bar surrounded by marines.

"Oh how cute, she's drooling." Alucard thought for a minute then slammed his hands together. "Alright time to grab some breakfast and start this day right. Then I think I'll pay a ville for ponies a little visit." Alucard had walked out of the room and was met with a huge staircase. All that could be from the room was. "Fucking stairs!"

The massive kitchen of the castle was already hard at work fixing breakfast for the now single ruler of Equestria and her 'friend' when a knock was heard on the big oak doors.

"Who is it?" A chef pony asked.

A voice was heard behind the door. "Oh you know." Suddenly the door was broken down showing a silhouette of Alucard. "A hungry fucking vampire!"

The chef was unmoved. "Uh huh, well what'll have for breakfast?"

"Oh I don't know." Alucard said moving towards a fruit bowl. "Maybe some toast. No, Pancakes. WAIT! Waffles. It definitely has to be waffles. With eggs, scrambled. And a side of bacon."

The chef was disgusted at the word bacon but he had cooked for griffons before. "It'll be ready in no time."

"Great." Alucard said as he headed for the door with an apple in his hand.

Alucard found the dining room. Which was huge by the way. Like so big, you could probably fit half of Canterlot's population in it. And of course, being the big shot he is, Alucard sat at the head of the table. "Mmm, roomy." was all he mumbled to himself.

Not more than ten minutes later one of the chefs assistants came running out with a fantastic looking breakfast and just about as fast as it got there it was already gone. "Ah, breakfast. The most important meal of the day." Alucard proceeded to toss the plate across the room like a frisbee and while walking down a long hallway he stopped by a statue of Celestia promptly giving it the double middle finger treatment as he exited the castle.

As he walked down the street of Canterlot which went straight to the train station Alucard caught something out of the corner of his eye. Some mare that had pink fur, purple hair, and a blue and white checker board style neckerchief around her neck was being a serious bitch to some other mare who seemed as timid as Fluttershy. Alucard made a mental note to find her later and put her in her place. But that's for another time, this badass had a train to catch.

"All aboard for Ponyville!" The conductor yelled.

Alucard approached the train and a pony in a blue uniform raised his hoof up expecting payment before he would let the vampire on board. Alucard slapped the bouncer some skin in a cool fashion and proceeded onto the train.

"Uh sir. Sir!" The pony couldn't get Alucards attention. "Never mind."

Several ponies in the train car looked at Alucard strangely, it wasn't everyday that they saw a bipedal creature. Next to him sat a magazine which the title read 'Fancy Things'. "More like fancy shit." Alucard stated out loud.

The train screeched to a halt in Ponyville station with Alucard exiting the car and stretching from the cramped space. He was a tall fucker after all.

"Man they really fixed this place up. I'm gone for two days and everything's back to normal." Alucard walked down the main street of Ponyville continuing to get weird stares from the ponies in the surrounding area.

One of them had the nerve to bump into Alucard and say, "Watch where you're going!"

Alucard firmly pimp slapped the pony into a building and continued his walk. He could see the library where he threw one hell of a party but decided it would be best to avoid that for the time being. He moved on to a place called 'Carousel Boutique' and let himself in.

"Knock knock. Anybody home?" Alucard asked looking around the shop.

Rarity came trotting in from the next room and almost fell over at the sight of so much red on Alucard. "Darling...You're very...red."

"Thanks, I know. It helps hide the blood stains." Alucard responded.

"Yes well, I think I can help you-" Rarity was cut off.

"I just wanted to know what was in hear before I burned this place to the ground."

"Do what?" Rarity was almost laughing.

"Burn it down?" Alucard questioned.

"Burn it down!?"

Alucard nodded. "Burn it down."

The crimson fucker was walking away with the boutique set a blaze behind him. Off to the right Rarity and Sweetie Belle sat shocked, not at the fact of the fire, but at how fast Alucard had caused it.

It was noon at this point and the vampire not quite yet on a rampage stopped for a quick bite to eat. Of course just to screw with the waiter he left a bit in the bottom of a full glass of Mr. Pibb. Like it mattered though, he just set the place on fire anyways.

What's that? This doesn't make any sense? It's Alucard! It doesn't have to make sense!

After easily getting Rainbow Dash's cloud house on the ground and stomping on Fluttershy's flower garden he found another shop that had a cupcake on the sign above the door.

"Mmmm, I do like cupcakes around here." Alucard stated as he walked into the shop.

Mrs. Cake stood behind the counter. "What can I get cha?" Alucard returned this with a cheerful smile.

After a hasty escape and arms full of cupcakes, Alucard ran down an ally way laughing hysterically with the Cakes yelling in his direction and, cursing Alucards existence, they turned back to their bakery.....which was on fire.

Downing all the cupcakes easily and now feeling the rush of sugar in his system Alucard continued on his way and was passing through the park. It was pristine and quiet, or at least until he heard random gibberish coming from up in a nearby tree.

"Captain's log, day two. I am still unaware of my current location."

Alucard almost died of laughter when he saw Pinkie Pie sitting up in the tree. She had bloodshot eyes and was talking to a coconut.

"Pinks, you okay?" Alucard asked almost instantly getting a response.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine. I'm just talking to my new friend." She replied.

After a moment of silent thought Alucard replied. "Cool. You might want to held on over to the bakery. Someone committed cupcake genocide."

Without even a second thought or hesitation Pinkie seemed to disappear in a cloud of smoke with a pink blur heading into Ponyville.

"What an addict." Alucard said as he continued his walk.

He was now heading towards the Golden Oaks Library. He thought about stopping by Applejack's farm but that wasn't exactly in Ponyville. Not to mention that Alucard only considered her to be a background pony.

Upon arrival of the library he crouched outside the window to see if Twilight was home. She wasn't.

"Oh man. It's too easy." Alucard said with a smile.

He didn't want to burn down the library, at least not yet, but he did want to fuck with Twilight. Having OCD sure had to suck for her.

Alucard picked the lock on the door since he had ninja lock picking skills that he didn't tell anyone about and walked inside. It was completely normal. Spike had cleaned the whole place so well that you wouldn't even know that the greatest party ever to come to Ponyville let alone Equestria had been held there.

Alucard sighed looking around. "Spike. You need help."

With that Alucard quickly got to work pillaging Twilights library. He burned several books while the rest he hid in retarded places like the refrigerator or under the sink. Next he headed up to Twilights room and took all the scrolls he could find and wrote stupid messages in them.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,
A handsomely devilish vampire named Alucard was not here.

Sincerely,
The Crimson Fucker

He even left death threats. He was already this far in, why stop now?

Dear Twilight Sparkle,
I wanted to inform you of your immanent demise. You're also out of milk. Better get Spike on that.

Sincerely,
~~Alucard~~
The Crimson Fucker

With this he turned all the pens and pencils on the desk different ways and headed down the stairs making sure to tilt every painting on the way down. As he hit the door he turned around and smiled deviously at his accomplishments and headed towards the train station, donkey punching anypony that stood in his way or was even in his general path.

The day was over. Ponyville was once again in ruin. But Alucard knew that by the next day everything would be back to normal and he'd only have to come back and do it again. God he loved this place.

Author's Note

The Crimson Fucker ladies and gentlemen! Give him a hand!

You know what would be fun? If you guys wrote a short thing in the comments about the mane 6's reaction to the damages....Yeah let's do that. Pick your favorite Mane 6 and do a real short comment about how they would have reacted. Unless you don't want too, which is also cool. Don't worry, we don't judge around here friend.

Ol'de Chaos

Discord was walking around the studio making sure everything was in place. It had to be perfect. This was his first commercial for his line of well, everything! Discord vowed secretly to take over the masses pop culture references and monopolize every business in Equestria. But like every business creature he had to start small and work his way up.

"Places people. This has to be chaotic, got it?" Discord said sipping at his coffee his assistant brought him. "Thank you dear."

Discord moved into the shot and the pony behind the camera motioned him to move left, then right, then left again. "Oh come on! I'm sure its fine." Only glancing at discord for a second the camera pony motioned right again. "Never mind." Discord said as he snapped his fingers bringing the camera to life. "The camera can do a better job than you can."

"Scene 1, Ol'de Chaos. Action." The camera began to roll and discord started his lines.

"Hi, I'm Discord! Tell me, have you ever felt bad about yourself? Low self esteem perhaps? Or just can't seem to get that certain skip in your step like you used to? Well do I have the answer for you!" Discord unveiled a table full of cologne, jackets, T-shirts, and baseball bats. "Ol'de Chaos! It's a line that covers all your needs! Marefriend avoiding you lately? Use a little bit of my Ol'de Chaos Colt Scent and you'll have to fight those bitches off you! Need something to keep you warm or just want to wear something that shows you're not a pushover? Then look into the fashion side and express your emotions through what you wear! And this, oh, this right here." Discord picked up the baseball bat. "This is the patented Ol'de Chaos F-U bat. That's right folks. A guarantied 'knock out' every time whether it be to a ball, chicken, or that annoying neighbor, you can rest easy that you'll get out scot free every time. All of this can be yours with three easy payments of 19 bits or order items separate for 10 bits. Not convinced yet? Then I'll double the offer! That's right folks anything you order, I'll double it. Who wouldn't want double the Chaos?"

With this the commercial ended. Discord was unsure of how he sold it and headed for his trailer to relax and try and come up with another plan.

While deep in thought and looking at his own reflection in a mirror that hung on the wall in front of him he mauled over the script trying to mix up a bit.

Think Discord, how can it be better. More chaotic to show the nature of the line but with enough sense that it can be understood.

Suddenly Discord was ripped away from his thoughts as his reflection of himself was replaced with the upper body of Billy Mays.

"Mays. What are you doing here? I thought you died of a heart attack or something." Discord said in a confused tone.

"I did John but I saw your commercial and I could tell that you need help. By the way, I loved you in Star Trek."

"That's what they all say." Discord responded.

"Just listen to me and we'll have you selling like a pro in no time." Billy Mays continued to give his trademarked smile.

"Fine." Discord responded and then leaned closer to the mirror. "And don't call me by John De Lancie here. Discord is a waaaay better name for this world."

With a quick acknowledgment to the name change Billy Mays quickly set to work on teaching Discord the proper way to sell products. In a matter of hours Discord had remade his commercial and aired it to every T.V in Equestria. At this point only time would tell if Discord would be successful at his devious plans to control the business sector of Equestria.

Author's Note

Good god that chapter was boring. I tried everything and just couldn't make it funny. Oh well, next one should be better.

Also I really need to read up on business and economics. Might come in handy.

The Gayu Force

The Gayu Force

Alucard was sitting on the couch with his arm around Luna in her chambers and turned off his seventy inch plasma widescreen T.V with space Netflix after they saw Discord's new commercial.

"Wow. Discord is really scraping the bottom of the barrel." Alucard stated.

"Yes. He does seem pretty pathetic. Probably couldn't get a mare if he used his mind spell on them." Luna responded.

Alucard laughed at the jab towards Discords manhood...or whatever the fuck he was and responded. "Yeah, I'll take him on a guys trip here soon. Hmm, I might even take Spike. He seriously needs help."

Suddenly Luna lost all expression on her face and stared at Alucard intensely as a vision passed through her mind...Cause you know. She can do that stuff now.

"Uh. Luna? You're creeping me out. And I'm a fuckmothering vampire." Alucard said as Luna broke out in a sweat.

"Ally! We are in great danger! powerful beings are coming here they may also be selling some kind of soda! And they could be gay. Did I mention gay!"

"Yes. And it better be Dr. Pepper. I can't seem to get any real pop around here."

"Alucard, did you not hear me!? We're in danger!" Luna was desperate.

"Oh relax. I'll just kill whatever it is when it gets here." Alucard kept his chill attitude.

"I don't think you understand. They're stronger than you!"

If Alucard ever laughed hard at anything, this was it. A good twenty or so minutes passed as Alucard got his shit together and sat back down next to Luna.

"First." He started. "Good one. Second. Nothing's stronger then me. Except that guy that you see in Duralast commercials. I'll figure out his secret soon, and when I do." Alucard was clenching a fist.

Luna didn't care at this point and started writing a letter to which she would send as soon as it was finished.

Vegeta and Goku had split ways at this point. Goku said something about having a look around the planet and he'd be back as soon as possible. In the mean time however Vegeta was in Canterlot with Rainbow Dash searching for his one way ticket home named Discord.

"What a dick!" Vegeta yelled getting weird stares from all the noble ponies.

"It's Discord. He does this." Rainbow Dash said trying to be reassuring.

Before anything more could be said a letter materialized with a blue glow around it almost hitting Vegeta in the face. "Fucking letter!" He yelled as he grabbed the scroll and began to read it.

Dear Vegeta,

Don't ask how I know where you are. It's a thing. More importantly I must ask of your assistance. A group of extreme faggots are on the way to destroy us! Alucard's being an ass, but that's just Alucard. I need you to handle this.

Also where'd your friend go? I can't see him with my magic anymore. Oh well, we'll get to that later.

Sincerely,
Luna, Ruler of Equestria

"What a bitch." Vegeta said out loud. "Although. Extreme faggots sound familiar." Vegeta looked at Dash. "If I'm right. I'm about to look like the most badass thing that ever came to this planet."

Without another word Vegeta grabbed Rainbow Dash and flew to the Canterlot Palace as fast as he could. As quickly as he had taken off he landed letting Rainbow Dash collect herself on the ground. She had flown fast before but not that fast.

After a quick walk down a few halls and pushing over a few guards here and there he met Luna and Alucard looking through a tall glass window towards Ponyville.

"The fuck are you two staring at?" Vegeta asked.

"Come here Vegeta." Luna seemed worried as she stared towards the small town in the distance.

Five space pods came falling out of the sky and landed in what seemed to be the center of town.

All five pods opened showing four huge shadowy figures and one midget figure. As they jumped out of the cramped pods, stretched, then struck a gay pose, Jeice, who was a red looking fucker, stepped forward.

"Eh, Captain." Jeice said in his space australian accent.

"What is it Jeice?" Captain Ginyu asked as he appreciated team feedback.

"Is it just me or this place...colorful." Jeice was now rubbing an eye.

Ginyu looked around. "Yeah, it is. Be a pal and fix that will ya?"

"Say no more Cap." With that Jeice threw his arm into the air causing the surrounding area to sparkle and glow red.

"You can sit back on this one dead man. You can't handle these guys." Vegeta was cocky at best and was smiling at Alucard.

"You don't know me!" Alucard said in a retarded fashion.

Vegeta met this with a laugh. "Well, I'll be back. Gotta go stop the gay pride parade."

Alucard put his arm out in front of Vegeta and continued to stare at Ponyville. "Give it a sec."

With the groups eyes fixed on Ponyville a bright red flash overtook their vision. Surrounding Ponyville in a brilliant red aurora.

"Nailed it! Thank god too. I was going back there tomorrow." Alucard continued to stare only now at a crater rather than a small town.

"Uhh..." Vegeta stammered. "How many, uh, inhabitants were down there?"

"Three thousand!" Luna yelled thinking heavily of the lost lives.

"Nah." Rainbow Dash said as she caught up with the group. "Noponies down there today."

"Why?" Vegeta was first to ask the nagging question.

"It's national no Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon Day." After Rainbow's explanation the three only responded with confused looks. "You know, it's where everyone leaves Ponyville for the day and doesn't tell Diamond and Silver about it."

"That's fucking great!" Alucard yelled.

Luna was next. "But those two are dead. Don't they know that?"

"Well yeah, but those ponies will take any excuse to go party."

"That's fucked." Vegeta said then readjusted his sight to the crater. "Oh well, at least nothing can get in my way!" With this, Vegeta jumped out the window and high tailed it down to Ponyville. Or at least, what was left of it.

"Okay men." Ginyu started. "This world's easy pickins. We've left our mark here and now it's time to extinguish the rest of the life on this pathetic-" Ginyu stopped himself as he heard a faint call that echoed through the air.

"Mine. Mine. Mine! Mine! Mine!"

Suddenly a white boot made contact with Ginyu's face throwing him into the distance.

"Mine." Vegeta said as he stared at the four left behind who were somewhat confused.

"Vegeta?" Jeice asked.

"Who else?" Vegeta replied.

"Well mate, sorry you came this far out just to die." Jeice replied.

"Bitch please." As fast as Vegeta said this he vaporized Jeice.

"Holy shit he got Jeice!" Burter yelled.

"Sorry, did I just kill your boyfriend?" Vegeta asked.

"No. But he was close."

And with this Vegeta slaughtered them all. The writer however was too lazy to write it all out. Kind of a big middle finger isn't it?

Vegeta returned to Canterlot and laughed in Alucards face. He didn't even have to go Super Saiyan. But did anyone give a fuck? Nope. Anyways, after a couple hours passed the citizens of Ponyville returned to their town. Only to find that it was completely destroyed...again. What is that, like the third time now?

"Son of bitch!" Twilight yelled looking around at the charred books on the ground. "I bet it was fucking Alucard! What a dick!"

And with that, the town set back to work on fixing the damage. It would look no different tomorrow then it usually does. That construction crew is really talented. Someone better look into those guys before I start calling hacks.

Author's Note

Meh. Binge writing at it's best I guess.

Had to give Vegeta some spotlight. What kind of person would I be if I didn't do that? And what happened to Goku? The world may never know. Or they could find out with future chapter's I guess.

Side note: I can't figure out who to pair Goku with. Everyone's got a pony. Vegeta has Rainbow. Alucard has Luna. But Goku...nothing comes to mind. SO! If you have a suggestion as to who Goku should connect with, then leave it in the comments. It'd help.

Aggressive Negotiations

"And then I kicked him in the dick. True story." Alucard said finishing his story as he walked the halls of Canterlot Castle with Luna by his side.

"Mm hm." Luna seemed troubled.

"What's the matter sweet cheeks? Is something bothering you?"

Luna brought her thoughts back to the situation at hand. "Sorry I guess I spaced out there for a second."

"Ha." Alucard laughed realizing the forced joke. "Thinking back to our times in your chambers?" He asked seductively leaning towards Luna.

"Everything's about sex with you isn't it?" Luna responded jokingly.

"Or killing. You can't forget about the killing."

"Yes. The killing."

Alucard became genuinely concerned at this point and leaned down to Luna. "Hey. Tell Ally what's up."

"Well. I know you...worked hard to give me the throne but...but."

"Buut..."

Luna looked away hoping she wouldn't offend Alucard. "Well it's proving to be a more difficult position than I had anticipated."

"Is that all?" Alucard asked in full on care mode. "You need to relax. Go play some Halo or something."

Luna smiled but it quickly faded. "I would but I have a meeting with some griffon dignitaries today. They're pissed at us again."

"Oh they have to hate us." Alucard stood up. "Tell you what, I'll get this one for you."

"Really! Oh, but I should be there. It would look better."

"Pfft. Fuck that. Those griffons wouldn't know style if it hit them in the face." Alucard nudged Luna towards her chambers. "Now go on, take today off."

"Oh okay." Luna returned her gaze on Alucard. "But be careful. I'm sure I don't have to remind you how aggressive they can be."

Alucard turned around and started walking towards the meeting area. "Yeah. Don't worry, I got this."

"Fuck you!"

An angry and raspy voice could be heard inside yelling over something. In the room sat six griffon dignitaries and two pony representatives, Prince Blueblood and Shining Armor.

"Sir! There is no need for that kind of language!" Blueblood responded.

"It's all the same with you ponies!" One of the griffons began. "Too much of a pussy to take on some real language!"

Alucard stood outside listening for a moment then decided he had heard enough. With a swift kick Alucard knocked the door in sending the panel of wood right into Bluebloods face knocking him out cold.

"Who the fuck are you, you pale looking son of a bitch." One of the griffons asked as he stared at Alucard.

"Oh I like you already." Alucard responded then looked at Shining Armor. "Take Princess Bitchblood and get the fuck out."

Without a second thought Shining armor had Blueblood and was out of the room with Alucard taking a seat at the head of the table. Which was also a round table, so yeah. Fuck logic.

The griffons stared in confusion as Alucard started. "Okay, what are you bitching about now?"

"Well for one they're ponies. We're not too happy to have to work beside them. And two, what the fuck are you?"

"I'm a fuckmothering vampire and-" Alucard was cut off by a griffon who decided to start speaking but before words could be heard Alucard planted a bullet firmly in his skull. "and you will refer to me as such."

The griffons sat in shock at what happened. "How the-"

"Let's get this over with." Alucard said leaning forward. "Whatcha want?"

The griffon who seemed to be in charge leaned forward as if to meet Alucard for a staring contest. "We want better agriculture shipments. We're tired of receiving strictly bananas with the picture of a strange face inside each crate."

"Done. But you'll receive only twenty five percent of a shipment." Alucard replied.

The griffon at the end of the table stood up. "We will do no such thing!"

*BANG*

The griffon dropped to the floor as Alucard muttered to himself. "Cocky bitch."

"We, uh, agree." The lead griffon responded. "Next, Celestia had promised us military support if we got ourselves into a situation with dragons. Well it happened and we didn't hear a word from Equestria."

"Yeah, that may have been my bad on that one." Alucard said. "I'll take care of it. I could use a get away trip."

The remaining griffons exchanged puzzled looks between each other. "You're saying that, you will take care of the dragons?"

"Yeah, I could have done by Friday." Alucards smile was pure gold at this point.

"Yes well, uh." The griffon continued. "The next thing was..."

Alucard zoned out at this point and started throwing paper airplanes trying to get one to stick into the lead griffons feathers. It was going to be a boring couple of hours.

Luna had beaten Halo 4 again on Legendary with all skulls on, except Blind. Everyone knows that one's bullshit. She decided to stretch her legs and walked down the hallways wondering if she could hear Alucards negotiations until she ran into him halfway down the huge barren hallway.

"Oh, Ally." Luna seemed concerned. "How was the meeting? Are we now at war with the griffons?"

"Nah. I worked out some sweet deals with them though." Alucard replied.

"What kind of deals?"

"There's a lot. They're pretty much Equestrias bitch at this point." Luna seemed confused as Alucard continued. "Oh and you might want to let the clean up crew finish up in the meeting place. Let's just say, only made it out alive. And he was limping."

Luna raised an eyebrow. "Aggressive negotiations?"

"Fucking right."

Meanwhile on the outskirts of Equestria, Celestia sat in deep thought at the local bar.

"Another."

The bar pony turned around. "Princess. Are you sure you should-"

"I said another! And don't call me princess."

The bar pony only cleared his throat and poured Celestia another glass. After nursing her fifth drink and wallowing in self shame a tall dark figure moved past her and took a seat.

"A glass of Pinot Noir, if you will." The figure asked.

The bartender almost laughed. "That's some pretty fancy wine buddy. You won't find any of that out here. You'd probably have to go to Canterlot, probably."

"Then I'll have whatever she's having." He said pointing at Celestia.

"Sure." The bartender responded pulling out a fresh glass.

Celestia looked over at the bipedal creature. She was almost shocked. She had only seen a few creatures that stood on two legs and right now she was pissed at all of them.

"Let. me. guess." Celestia started as the figure picked up his glass. "You're with that Alucard guy, aren't you?"

At the mention of the name the figure stopped hand abruptly almost sloshing his drink out on himself. "Come again?"

"Pfft. Yeah. You're with that vampiric asshole."

The figure put down his glass. "Tell me more about this, Alucard."

"You serious?" Celestia asked in a slightly shocked tone. "You really don't know him?"

The figure smiled. "Allow me to introduce myself." He said as he adjusted his glasses. "My name's, Alexander Anderson. I'm here to....take care of, the one known as Alucard."

Celestia slowly turned her head towards Anderson. "Oh really." She said with a huge, evil grin. "Let me buy you a drink."

Author's Note

Cliffhanger!!!!

Hope you enjoyed and you should see the chapter idea blog post I started. It's right here. Lot's of good ideas are being suggested for future chapters. You should go get in on it. Or not.
Lazy bum.

Also there's probably some spelling mistakes or whatever but it's like 2:08 am here and I got tomorrow off so I thought, "Why the hell not!" and finished off the chapter I've been working on. I'm rambling now. Fuck. I'm gonna go get some ice cream or something.

Doing damage to your waifu chart.

Alucard was once again sitting on the couch next to Luna and was browsing the selection of shows on Netflix.

Luna gave a slight yawn. "So what's on your schedule for this evening Ally?"

"I think I'm taking this chapter off."

"Chapter?" Luna asked.

"Yeah. I think Vegeta needs a chance to have some fun. The way I've been acting lately I feel like I've been stealing his thunder."

"... Yes but, what about this chapter you speak of?"

"Uh, oh look. T.V." Alucard said as he returned her attention to picture box.

Luna almost jumped from excitement. "The Bachelor! Let's watch that!"

"Oh find me in the alps... I guess!" Alucard queued up The Bachelor and readied himself for a show that was garbage. But lets face it, no man was ever ready for this sort of experience. Unless you're into that sort of thing.

Vegeta sat at the bar in Ponyville. Sixty two different alcohol combinations had passed and he had drunk every pony that challenged him under the table. The saddest part was that Vegeta wasn't even close to seeing sound.

Vegeta sighed. "I really hate this place." and with that another shot was gone.

Across the room the door had opened up letting Rainbow Dash in, casting her shadow on the back wall from the setting sun. She took a seat at the far end of the bar away from Vegeta only noticing him after she ordered a glass of hard apple cider.

"Hey!" She said taking a seat next to him.

"Fuck off... I'm drowning my thoughts." He responded with Rainbow taking a quick glance at the broken bottles behind them with Vegeta giving a quick addition. "Or at least trying too."

"Uh huh." Rainbow Dash took a sip of her drink. "I usually stop in here after a hard day of cloud busting. You know, kind of unwind and show up the stallions every now and again."

Vegeta downed another shot.

"What's on your mind?" She asked now nursing her drink.

"Shit."

"Subtle."

Vegeta grinned at the confidence in her voice. "You're not like the others around here. You get right to the point."

"Well I try to." She lifted her glass.

Vegeta took in a breath. "I never asked to be here. I was just growing accustom to my life on Earth. But then that damned idiot Nappa put me here. And do you know what the worst part is?" Vegeta shifted his vision to Dash. "I can't even kill him again."

Rainbow Dash was a little shocked at the story she was told but found some words she thought Twilight would be proud of. "You know here in Equestria we sort of believe in second chances. Like everyone deserves one."

Vegeta turned back to his glass filling it back up. "Pfft. I knew you were too soft to understand."

Rainbow Dash realized the situation before her. The challenge she had. It was something she couldn't pass up. "I bet you can't outdrink me."

Vegeta almost choked at the challenged then excepted it not realizing that the alcohol in his system was starting to take effect. "You're on."

Dash knocked his shot glass off the counter and threw her glass behind her. "Hey, we need two ciders over here. extra dry!"

The bar tender didn't argue knowing what was about to go down. He sat two decent sized glasses on the counter and stood by ready to fill them up at a moments notice.

After several drinks and a strange situation that seemed like a blur, the two ended up outside on the streets of Ponyville.

"And stay out!" The bartender was shaking a hoof and cursing under his breath as he headed back inside.

"Youuhyou..uh.didn't pay?" Rainbow Dash said with a hiccup.

"Fuck..Ican'trememeber..."Vegeta said as he ran into a light pole leaving a dent in it. "Wefuckinneedsomedonuts or somethin'."

"Ha. Therrrs Sugarcubeplace...corner. corner. corner. corner...Cornersa fucked word." Rainbow could hardly make out the sign on the door that read 'Closed'.

"I got dis." Vegeta rammed through the door to see tons of freshly baked goods that Pinkie Pie had made after Alucards visit. The two looked at each other with huge smiles on their faces then proceeded to grab every last pastry in the shop leaving an 'I owe u' poorly scribbled on a napkin.

The two stopped under a tree in the park and dug into their haul.

"I couldtotally. beat you!" Rainbow said downing another cupcake.

"Yeahrite!" Vegeta said now wearing a donut box on his head. "I could, I could...fuckin beatyouat anything!"

Rainbow Dash only let out stupid giggles. "You'retalkin funny...Wha I justsound like?

Vegeta cracked up at the situation at hand and rolled onto the ground only getting more laughs out of Dash who copied his movements. After a short time of laughter the two calmed down and watched the stars, the occasional space debris making contact with the atmosphere causing a white streak across the sky.

"Hey." Dash said moving her head onto Vegeta's chest. "Let'sgo..back to my place. It'sall clouds."

"Ican't standon, clouds." Vegeta acted like he wiped the sky with his hand as he explained.

"Oh...sucks." Rainbow said as she rubbed her nose in Vegeta's shirt catching his scent. "I'm sure egghead could come up with something."

Vegeta didn't respond to this. He only watched the stars and wondered how many planets he had destroyed close to this one and why he cared about this quadruped next to him. He wasn't married back on Earth, or at least not yet, but he had a life that he had to go back to. It was, after all, a responsibility he had actually came to terms with on his own.

"Oh my god. How much worse could you get at this." Alucard startled the writer as he finished the chapter.

"What do you mean?" The writer asked.

"You fucked up on Discord's chapter and now you're just straight up shipping." Alucard replied now starting to juggle the writing utensils from the desk.

"Well some people enjoy a love aspect every now and again and this shouldn't really effect how the story goes." The writer was annoyed with the vampires criticism.

"We have a story?..I mean. Oh yeah. The story. Right." Alucard said sarcastically.

"Don't you have something to do? Like Luna?" The writer asked turning back to the chapter.

Alucard sighed. "She's in that mood to just 'hang out'. It really sucks."

The writer only laughed slightly as Alucard returned to the story.

"Finally, god I never thought he'd leave...Breaking the fourth wall and shit."

Author's Note

Dat ending doe. No shame here.

Also, I don't know how to write in a drunk fashion... Whatever.

6/9 1004 of Celestial Law/1st Year of New Lunar Law

This was an idea I had as something to kind of see what's happening from the perspectives of the characters. Basically the characters of the story (related or not) can leave a journal entry about an experience or an encounter that they've had. They can also leave a short entry about their day since this story really isn't about their daily lives. Well, here's to hoping this works out. Cheers.

Journal Entry.

Luna.

I am sad to say that being a single ruler is not what it is all cracked up to be. I hate Blueblood. He continually tells me how bad of a ruler I am since I'm doing nothing to 'stop' Alucard and the others. He can be such a bore. Tia never let him have any fun and now's he's just a buzz kill.

There's also a lot of paperwork involved here. Some of it doesn't even make sense! A pony filed a report about the benches in the nearby park being uncomfortable. When I took it up with the parks committee all I got in response was, "We're suppose to be on that?" like they were five year old children. I've got to find a more suitable system to replace this broken government. It's a work progress I guess. I just need to spend more time with Alucard, he seems to know what he's doing for once.

Twilight.

I can't believe what that egocentric dick of a vampire did to my library! I spent three days putting everything back in order. Three days! I still can't sleep right. I feel like I've missed something or didn't put something back in order correctly. Not to mention that he must have leveled Ponyville while everyone was out of town. There's a line Alucard. Learn where it is!

I'll just have to send him an angry letter about this. Yeah. That'll fix everything.

Alucard.

Oh man. What a past couple of days. I have literally fucked the system. Sweet cheeks is in power. Discord's gone full retard and I destroyed Ponyville. Twice... Okay maybe not the second time but I'm definitely taking credit for it.

I wonder if Luna knows where the leprechauns live, I never did get to shoot one.

Celestia.

I'm exiled from my own land. Joked about on public television and my sister took my place of ruling. Fuck it. I'll go get drunk and then start plotting my revenge.

Vegeta.

Well I'm guessing I'll never get home at his rate. Every time someone says, "Oh. Yeah. I can take you home." It never happens! Whatever. At least Kakarots not bothering me anymore. And why the hell is that blue rainbow one sticking so close to me? I hate not knowing things.

Rainbow Dash.

I wonder if Saiyan x Pony relationships work. So far, Vegeta seems like the only being able to keep up with me. Eh, we'll see what happens.

Applejack.

Boy am ah glad I live so far out of town. In fact, with recent events, I've thought about moving farther!

Fluttershy.

After recent events in Ponyville and the sudden change in Equestrian leader positions I have decided to leave town and collect my thoughts. I'm taking Angel with me and I've arranged more sessions with Iron Will.

Pinkie Pie.

Captain's log, supplemental. I have identified Alucard as the culprit behind the missing cupcakes. I'll make sure he pays dearly for his crimes.

Rarity.

He burned my store! He burned everything! Not to mention Sweetie Belles homework. A two thousand word essay on Ponyville politics. Mark my words Alucard. You will pay!

Goku

Ha ha. This planets weird.

Super Kami Guru.

I feel that my presence has weakened in Equestria. It's never too late to start making vacation plans. I wonder if Nail can fit in a suit case.

Ginyu Force Report.

To Lord Cooler, Chief replacement of Frieza.

The Ginyu Force are dead and Equestria is now being classified as a hostile planet. Further action may need to be taken.

501st of the Cold Army.

Author's Note

I hope you enjoyed.

So many questionable mysteries now!

Just to be clear, this is not how actual chapters will look. This is just simply a way to connect more with the characters. These will probably not be as long as this one either. Also you'll be able to tell if its a journal entry since it will be labeled with a date.