"Bump, bump, sugarlump, rump!"
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, the two wealthiest and most influential fillies in Ponyville, giggled as they completed their ritual high-class hoofbump. To the two spoiled fillies, it was their way of declaring solidarity against the forces of lower-class, poorly-bred rabble such as the three blank-flanks they enjoyed tormenting at every opportunity.
To everypony else, it was just one more clue as to how stupid and shallow the fillies were.
"Why the hay do they bang their butts together like that, anyway?" Scootaloo wondered as the Cutie Mark Crusaders trotted to their clubhouse after the umpteenth session of lame teasing from the two spoiled fillies and witnessing their silly ritual for what had to be the twenty thousandth time.
"Because they're better than us," Apple Bloom said, rolling her eyes. "And ponies who are better than you show it by doing things no sane pony would ever do." Prancing daintily on her hind legs, she tottered over to Sweetie Belle, one forehoof pressed to her forehead. "Rump, rump, sugarbutt hump!" she squeaked in a mimicing voice, wiggling her butt in Sweetie's face. The unicorn filly giggled.
"Cut that out, Apple Bloom!" Sweetie said.
"HEY! Will you three just NOT?" a voice called from above. Rainbow Dash swooped down upon them, a rare stern expression on her face. "Some of us really don't wanna see fillies wavin' their butts around while we're tryin' to work!"
Apple Bloom giggled. "Sorry, Rainbow Dash. We were just making fun of Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara and that stupid little butt-bump they do."
Rainbow blinked. "Stupid little butt-bump?"
"You've never seen it?" Scootaloo asked.
Rainbow Dash shook her head.
Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow at Sweetie Belle, who rolled her eyes and sighed. Assuming they position, they copied the two ritzy fillies more perfectly than either would be comfortable with if they stopped to think about it.
"Bump, bump, sugarlump, rump!"
They fell over giggling, even as Rainbow Dash stared at them, blinking. "They really do that? In public? That's..." Her composure cracked, and she started laughing. "That's so lame!"
After having a good laugh over the whole thing, the pegasus returned to her weather duties, and the Crusaders continued on to the clubhouse.
* * * * *
The next day, Cheerilee led her class outside to play dodgeball. She was a little apprehensive about letting this particular bunch play that particular game, but she wanted them to get some fresh air and exercise--and she wanted to sample some bluebonnets that had mysteriously sprung up along the south wall of the schoolhouse, preferably without anypony noticing.
With Cheerilee off hogging all the tasty rare flowers for herself, the game turned ugly fast. Snips and Snails had somehow managed to take out half the colts in the class and each other with one throw each, most of the fillies were playing volleyball instead of dodgeball (not intentionally--they just really sucked at it), and Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were surgically, methodically, and cruelly picking off as many of their classmates as they could.
Finally, it was down to the two spoiled fillies versus the Cutie Mark Crusaders. The three blank-flanks huddled to discuss a plan to deal with their nemeses, but somewhere along the way, Sweetie Belle had gotten her part of the plan confused, and the Crusaders wound up eliminating themselves without so much as touching their rivals.
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were busy having a gloating victory laugh over their defeated classmates, perverse delight gleaming in their eyes at the sight of their peers lying around in the grass nursing various ball wounds.
"Once again, we've proven that we are simply better than you losers in every way," Diamond Tiara said haughtily. She held her hoof out to Silver Spoon to instigate the ritual bump.
"Bump, bump, sugarlump, r--"
The final chorus of "rump" was overshadowed by a loud squelching, splattering noise, punctuated by a long, sharp whine of gaseous release.
The playground froze, the colts and fillies staring in stunned, wide-eyed disbelief at what had just happened.
In the midst of the finishing rump-bump, Silver Spoon had crapped all over Diamond Tiara's rump.
"Oh...oh my gosh..." Silver Spoon said quietly, hooves pressed to her mouth in shock. "I...I didn't...it was an accident..."
"Boy, I'll say," Snips quipped.
Diamond Tiara stood there, irises narrowed to pinpricks. "Whhhh...aaaaaaaaat just happened?" she asked shakily, disbelief in her voice.
"Your B.F.F. just P.O.O.ed all over your B.U.T.," Scootaloo said, snickering.
"IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" Silver Spoon cried.
Diamond Tiara slowly craned her neck back to look at her flank and rump. Sure enough, her pristine coat, scrubbed daily with the finest imported shampoo and conditioner, was covered in fresh manure. "Oh. Celestia's. Armpit. That. Did. Not. Just. Happen."
"It surely did," Apple Bloom said, snickering. After a moment, she added, "Stank Flank!"
The entire class erupted into laughter, save Diamond Tiara, who was seething with rage, and Silver Spoon, who was mortified both at the damage she'd wrought to her beautiful friend, and at the fact that she'd just done something every foal stopped doing before they turned two.
"But it...it was an accident..." Silver Spoon whispered, tears brimming behind the lenses of her glasses.
Diamond Tiara growled. "I'LL SHOW YOU AN ACCIDENT!" she roared, pawing the ground with a hoof, snorting steam.
"EEP!" Silver squeaked. Diamond charged after her like an angry bull, and the terrified and embarrassed filly turned tail and ran as fast as her perfectly-manicured little hooves could carry her.
As the two fillies left the schoolhouse grounds, the remaining fillies and colts could hear Diamond Tiara scream, "GET BACK HERE! I'VE GOT SOMETHING THAT BELONGS TO YOU! I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT BACK! ALL OF IT!!"
The Cutie Mark Crusaders couldn't take it anymore. They rolled around on the ground laughing so hard they nearly peed themselves.
Cheerilee trotted back around the corner, staring around at her laughing, screaming class. "What's going on over here? Where are Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara?"
"They had some stuff t' take care of," Apple Bloom said. As Cheerilee tilted her head in confusion, the Crusaders looked at one another, nodded, and...
"Bump, bump, sugarlump, RUMP!"
Thankfully, nopony crapped this time.
Author's Note
I had the idea for this at 2:30am while on the toilet after reading a fic with DT and SS.
Yeah.
