Daring Doo and Doing the Dirty with the Dungeon Master
Everfree forest, it’s a lot bigger than most ponies think.
The big bitch of a forest spans from up north in the black mountains to the bottom of the world, where they say seaponies sing their songs and lure innocents to their deaths. It’s an odd forest and boy is it diverse.
Up north all a pony will, if she bothers to look, get an eyeful of Evergreens and snow. That and those pesky giant snow bears that get their kicks outta eating random travelers. Down south the forest turns into a jungle, filled with Venus fly traps big enough to swallow a pony whole, a bunch of angry tribes ponies that have a nasty habit of cannibalism, and, most importantly, ruins stuffed with treasure.
Now, you might want to ask me, Daring, you hot, genius of a Pegasus you, which part of Everfree do you prefer? The cold, empty north with nothing but snow to eat, or the warm, awesome south that’s filled with goodies just waiting to be put in a museum? You might also be asking, Daring, why didn’t you mention the middle part of Everfree; it must be a lot different than the other two, right?
To answer your first question, the south, obviously, and for your second… Let’s just say that I maaay have done a few things that had me banished from that part of the forest on pain of death. Don’t look at me like that; all I’ll say is it’s because of the griffins and let’s leave it at that eh?
…What? What do you mean you don’t know who I am! I mean, who hasn’t heard of Daring Do, adventurer, historian, occasional savior of Equestria, and one of the hottest mares live?! Well you know me now smart guy! Now be quiet and buy me another drink while I tell you my bucking story!
I mean for buck's sakes, you've been trying to hit on me for like the past hour...
Hump, now where was I? Oh yah, blah blah blah, Everfree, blah blah griffins that are surprisingly good at watching their borders, blah blah, and here’s the part of the story where I come in.
Ya see, and I totally mean this, I think that I have the greatest job in the world. I mean, who else can say that they run around dangerous ruins, collecting artifacts that have the power to split planets in half, and get paid a bucket load of bits by Princess Celestia herself to do it? This mare, that’s who.
I even have an official title, the ‘finder of dangerous and exotic things that will help ponykind or should be kept hidden so that others wouldn’t mess with them’.
…What are you giving me that look for? I know, it’s not the best name in the world but I didn’t call it that! Here, I’ll show you the little badge the princess gave me, it has the name on it right there, see? No I have no idea who gave the position that name! Maybe it was the princess, or maybe it was some noble that didn’t like me…
It’s probably the second one now that I think about it; ever since I got in this business the nobility of pretty much every country has learned to hate my guts. It probably has something to do with their insane lust for super dangerous conversation pieces and me taking said conversation pieces off them so they won't hurt themselves.
I mean what makes somepony say, ‘Boy, look at this dangerous artifact, oh it’s the horseshoes of Avaliur the Earthbreaker, huh, it has the power to cause earthquakes when worn, that’s interesting."
"Boy, even my tiny noble mind can see that these are dangerous and I should probably put them someplace safe like in the hooves of the princesses or somewhere they can teach ponies about the past, like a museum, huh? Nah, I’ll just put them in my livingroom so I can make my fellow nobles jealous.’
Nobles, am I right?
And don’t you get me started on all of the other guys that want to kill me; be it intentional or unintentional. There’s that black-market griffin arms dealer, BlackClaw, or how about the crazy pony that always wants to join me, Derpy something-or-other. I could go on and on but I think you get the idea even after two examples.
Then there’s the forest itself that I always have to go through to get into the dangerous, trap-filled temples and ruins. Even though I like the south way better, it’s still the Everfree forest, so it’s bucking dangerous.
Don’t get me wrong, I know all that doesn’t sound too great, but let me tell ya, when you make it past all of that stuff and you have whatever you spent all of that time and effort in your hooves, man, you just get that rush, you know?
So there I was, in one of my favorite places in Equs doing what I loved, namely looking for the cursed temple of Fabricante de la Galleta, looking for something called the jar of knowledge. Oddly, and I swear this never, ever happens; this whole trip had gone without a hitch.
I mean, I didn’t have to go on a wild goosechase to even find out about the bucking thing, there hadn’t been any grand escapes from the bad guys that were always looking for the same things as me, heck, I hadn’t even been captured by a tribe of angry pony-eaters yet. The princess had even given me a map on where it was and everything, which she never does, by the way.
So it’s easy to assume that as I stood outside this old, long-forgotten temple, I felt the odd pang of dread.
“It’s okay, Daring,” I muttered to myself, adjusting my hat as I stared up at the temple. “There’s no reason to feel so panicky. Your whole trips been a breeze and you should be happy, heck, you haven’t even broke your wing yet!”
I don’t think I’m gonna explain to you what the temple looked like, trust me, there’s a reason why I always say another day another dungeon, temple, dungeon, same thing, you can’t the darned things apart!
I mean I could explain how they looked like pyramids except the tops are square with a massive stairway that went all the way to the top or how they looked really neat with the jungle all in the background or who quiet it seemed to get when you walked right up to one, but nope I’m not gonna do that. What I will explain though was the lack of creepiness that radiated from the thing.
I’ll explain what I mean because you look more like the kind of pony that sits on his couch all day and eats donuts and not like a pony who frequents ancient Marian temples. Hey, you’re the one buying me the drinks, its not my fault that I get a little more blunt when i’m tipsy. Now quit giving me that look and get me another drink while I spin you my little yarn.
Now, the average, run-of-the-mill temple is this usually run down, giant building that just gives off the whole ‘stay out’ vibe. Even if there’s a cult or bad guy organization that’s taken over and cleaned the place up it still gives this vibe off. This one though seemed like it could have been just a really big house, which kinda threw me off and made the thing a thousand times creepier than the usual super-dangerous temple.
Yes, I know that that sounds odd but when a mare has to dodge arrows flying out of walls and ponies heads on spikes outside the entrances of these places she gets used to that. Somepony may as well of put a welcome mat in the front for crying out loud!
Which is why I had the handle of my whip in my mouth as I slowly and carefully entered the place, getting way more creeped out that there wasn’t anything I had to do to open the front door.
I mean, those Marian’s didn’t even have the decency to make me know the password or figure something out or making me go through some waterfall or something overly complicated and silly like that.
Their mothers must have been ashamed of them.
Anywho, so I opened the door enough so that the outside light, which there wasn’t much of by the way, you’d think that there would be but the thick foliage prevents-opps- I need to switch off teacher mode, its the alcohol - so that the light would help me see a little bit into the place. I mean there’s not like lights would instantly come on or something right?
Que torches flickering on as soon as I stepped through the door. What the heck is wrong with this place? I thought as I looked around, where’s the cultists, where’s the trapdoors with alligators at the bottom?
I then had a rather disturbing thought as I made my way through the temple. Maybe this was a different kind of super dangerous temple, one that wanted somepony to go in it. I mean think about it, even you know that the Everfree forest is a dangerous place right? That it practically gives off an uneasy vibe as soon as you go in it?
Now imagine if instead of a super-dangerous forest filled with pony-eating baddies that didn’t want you in it in the first place that was a super-dangerous forest that wanted ponies to come into it.
Not a pleasant thought.
“Come on, you can do this,” I muttered, keeping my ears on a swivel for any hint of a sound. “There’s probably nothing different from this temple than all of the other ones that you’ve gone into and kicked flank in. All you have to do is get in, get this jar of knowledge, and go home,” I chuckled, “Maybe this is one of those beginner's temples where they go easy on you and I’ve been getting all of the hard ones.”
You might think I was joking but I’ve seen weirder things than that happen to me on the regular...
So after what felt like a month's worth of careful snooping, not finding a hint of a trap during, I might add, I found the jackpot, the main chamber.
Now, I may not look like it but I’m the type of mare that likes to do a little bit of studying about the civilizations that she goes traipsing around in. So here’s a little history lesson about this particular ancient civilization, one that could do things thousands of years ago that we couldn’t even dream of doing now....Well, it's not really a history lesson, more like an interesting fact or two but, eh.
Despite those ponies architectural prowess, mathematical skills, and what have you they shared a weakness that most of the great ancient civilizations had, they lacked the common sense to hide their neat stuff and put their prized treasures here any joe or sally could waltz right in and take them. But other than they they were really, really interesting, and I’d love to tell you more about them...
...If you were one of my students, but since this is a bar, not a classroom, no history lesson for you.
But what I will tell you is that, thankfully, this chamber looked a lot like the ones I usually go into. Everything, and I mean everything was gold-plated, it had a bunch of statues in single file- the statues depicting the god Bolon Ts'akab, look him up if you ever get the chance, he’s one of the Marian's less crazy/bloodthirsty gods- and the piece de resistance, what I like to call the centerpiece.
It was a simple stone podium with what I assumed to be the jar of knowledge, an oddly simple but sturdy looking jar with what looked to be glowing symbols all over it.
“There you are,” I said, slowly unfurling my whip as I walked into the chamber, now moving at a snail’s pace. This was probably the part where the statues would come to life, or even worse, that this temple's dungeon master would come out and try to knock me out of my horseshoes. So I was taking this time to get mentally and physically ready for it .
“Well well well,” a voice said out of nowhere, making me stiffen up, “What do we have here? A pony? I haven’t seen one of you guys in a while.”
I frowned, looking around and seeing nopony. “Show yourself so I can beat your flank into the ground!” I snarled, making my whip crack in the air with a flick of my neck. To be honest I was relieved, an unknown enemy, at least that was what I thought it was, was something I was used to....
And yes, I know I was being a little aggressive, but sue me, I was kinda stressed out!
I could almost feel whoever was in the shadows frown. “You know, when you enter a guys house its usually not in good taste to threaten them.”
I turned toward the sound of footsteps, or at least what I thought were hoofsteps, they sounded a lot more meaty than clip-cloppy, a small grin on my muzzle. Well, this is gonna be easy, I thought as I readied my whip to knock the everloving buck out of whoever this amatur was. I am, afterall, a whip first and ask questions later type of mare.
I saw its eyes first, an eerie pair of golden, glowing eyes that seemed to stare right through me. It also seemed like this guy wasn’t a newbie after all because he did what all cheesy villain's did, he hid the rest of himself in the shadows…. and yes, that’s actually what most villain's do.
Great, we got a tough guy here, I thought with a little savage grin. If this guy wanted a fight then I was the mare that was going to give him one. Even if I was the one that kinda started it. With a flick of my head I sent my whip cracking toward him, getting ready for the yelp of pain.
Sadly though, that wasn’t what I got.
Now, I’ve whipped a good many creatures in my time; you name it I’ve given it a good ol’ smack with Whipsy. There have been a few times in my lukrative whipping career when I’ve looked silly trying to hit somepony, like everypony that’s been in the whipping business mind you.
Sometimes Whipsy gets caught on stuff, other times whoever I’m hitting’s hide is so tough that they can’t even feel it, but those aren’t the worst. The worst is when somepony catches your whip.
Why is it the worst? Well when it happens you instantly learn a few things about the guy/girl/other you're whipping. One, they’re really fast, which would made hoof-to-hoof fighting a pain. Two, it shows that they’ve probably caught whips or something as fast before, and that means two things in itself, one bad, and one reaaaally bad.
It might mean that whoever this guy/etc was they were a fighter. Its not great but I can deal with those types, just a little bit of punchy-punchy hitty-hitty, good luck times and they’re done. The other thing that these guys could be are usually the worst possible thing for an adventure to run into, the dungeon master.
Yes I know that we weren’t in a dungeon and yes I’m pretty sure that whatever this was didn’t own this temple so they weren't its master, but that’s what I call these guys so deal with it.
These are the creatures that spend who-and-the-hay-knows how long guarding these artifacts and killing anypony who tries to take said artifacts away. These guys are usually super strong, practically unkillable, and are not great at parties.
You don’t fight these guys, you run away from them and hope they make a building or something fall on top of them so you can get away. But since this guy didn’t look like any kind of giant golem or sphinx though, I was still hoping for the fighter thug guy.
“You know you’re the second rude houseguest I’ve gotten lately,” the voice said to me as I shivered slightly at its voice, which sounded clearly male but cold, almost bored, like there wasn’t anything I could do to hurt it.
I heard the sound of steps again as I tried to free my whip from whatever this thing was and sighing when I failed to budge anything; if anything I was straining to keep whipsy in my mouth when I finally got the full view of my mysterious foe.
Now, I’ve been all around this big beautiful planet and I’ve seen loads of critters, some of them just animals, some of them with languages and cultures and all of that nonsense. Heck, I’ve even seen some beings that you could put in the rank of god.
But whatever this thing was in front of me was one of those Daring-has-no-bucking-idea-that-thing-is kind of creatures.
It was a biped, about six hooves tall with a tanish, peachish complexion. Honestly, it’s kinda hard to describe this guy to you, especially considering how not sober I am. Just think of a minotaur who doesn’t have any fur and is way slimmer, then you got the general look of him.
Fine, I’ll try to explain to you what he, and it was a he, I’ll explain how I knew in a second, looked like. Be a doll and get me one of those drinks that light on fire first, those things are awesome.
So this thing, lets start from top to bottom huh?
He had a shaggy brownish/blackish mane that went a little past his funny looking ears. He also had the type of cheek bones that you knew were male. It really doesn’t matter the species, you guys really do have all the same cheek bones...Too bad you don’t all have the same big dicks!
Hehehe, sorry, its the alcohol. Oooo, hey barkeep! what do you call these drinks that are on fire?
A flaming doctor Pepper? Sweet! Hey, do me a solid and bring ten more of those puppies over here with a couple of beers.
Ya, put it on that guys tab!
Now where was I? Oh, right, I’m still on the face.
So I already told you about the eyes, which were glaring at me annoyingly at the moment if you’d like to know, they were kinda small when you looked closely at them but they were real expressive. His face was kinda flat with this adorable-looking little nose that you saw on bunnies and you’d try to pinch whenever you say them. He was cleanshaven too if I remember correctly.
The further you got down it was just a bunch of clothes; a shirt, pants, stuff like that. They were odd looking though, like he had made them but he knew what he was doing, like a designer or something like that. He was really armey and legy too, with what looked like minotaur hands with an extra finger on the ends of those arms. In one of those arms be had something that looked a lot like a book and in the other, coiled around said hand, was the end of my whip.
Now, none of those things were really that odd. Heck, I’ve even seen glowing eyes before. What was really weird, and I mean really weird, was what he had called- when I had a good conversation with him about them afterwards- his feet. They were like some weird kind of hand where the palm was really long and thick and the fingers were really small and weirdly-shaped. They're kinda creepy if you aren't used to them....
All-in-all that was what this creature looked like to me at first glance. I would have gawked at him a little more if he hadn’t cleared his throat before saying, “Look pony, I’ll be nice and do you a favor. In five seconds I’m going to pull on this whip that appears to be in your mouth. Here’s what you can do; you can do the smart thing and let go or you can try to hold on, in which case you’ll come flying to me and I put this book down and begin to beat you to death.”
He must have seen the look of alarm on my face because he gave me a little smile. “This is what you get for trying to whip me. Five, four, threeeeee, twwwwwwwoooooo,...” He shook his head when I dropped my Whipsy. “Now that we got that nonsense out of the way, tell me why you’re here stranger.”
I frowned as he plopped down and opened his book. Someone’s getting cocky….. I thought to myself, eyeing the creature carefully while I thinking over my odd situation.
Deciding that honesty was the best policy- I mean it didn’t look like lying to whatever he was was gonna help me anyway- I said, “I’m here to bring back the jar of knowledge to Canterlot,” I said, puffing my chest out as he licked a finger to change his page.
“‘Jar of knowledge’? He snorted, “Where do they come up with these names?” he finally looked up at me. “So I have a little graverobber as a guest?”
I sputtered indignantly at that. “I’m not a graverobber !”
“Oh really?”
“Yes really!”
He nodded slowly. “Alright, so do you personally own this temple?”
“...No.”
“Okay, do you own that jar over there that you want so badly?”
I started frowning again. “No,” He hummed again, doing a little math with his fingers, my eye twitching as he continued.
“Alright, so you’re going to take this jar, which you don’t own, from this temple that houses a very important pony’s tomb, which you also don’t own, and you’re going to try to do it without anyone’s permission,” the creature looked back down at his book, “Sounds like a graverobber to me.”
Boy did I wish I had my whip right then, but grinding my teeth also worked in calming the nerves. “Ya, well, you have weird eyes!”
“It seems that I not only have a graverobber I have a rather slow grave robber in my mists.”
It took all of my admittedly amazing willpower to stop myself from going over there and clobbering the guy. “This thing belongs in a museum!” I said, squaring my shoulders. “And don’t you try to stop me from taking it, buster!”
Now I was expecting an evil remark like, “I will break you,” or something cliche like that; the least he could have done was get up and try to fight me. But do you know what he did? I Daring Doo, archaeologists and treasure-hunter of the century, just got a dismissive wave of the hand.
“Go nuts,” he said in a bored tone, “I wouldn’t stop you.”
My anger drained away and was replaced with confusion. “Seriously? I can just walk up and take it?”
“Like I said I’m not going to stop you.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “I don’t believe you.”
Another lick of his finger and another flick of a page. “There are no words in Dragon, pony, griffin, or diamond dog that can express how less I care. Try to take the jar, keep glaring at me, or get out. It doesn’t matter to me.”
I huffed, slowly walking toward the podium as I kept an eye on him. “Alright, here I go, I’m slowly walking toward the podium.”
“I can hear you.When you’re done come grab your whip.”
“Boy, if somepony wanted to jump me whilst my back was turned I’d be defenseless.”
“Aha.”
I frowned as I reached the statues. This was usually the most dangerous, trap-filled part of the whole temple. “Hey, do ya mind if I had my whip back for a second?” I asked, my ear twitching as I heard the sound of a page being turned.
“Will you shut up then?”
“...Yes.”
I caught the whip as it was tossed to me. “Remember, you try to whip me with that thing again and I’ll make you eat it.” I was told as I cracked the whip with a flick of my head.
“Sure, whatever,” I said through the whip’s grip, grinning triumphantly. With another flick of my head I had the whip wrapped around the jar snuggly, jerking my neck to bring the jar over to me so I could go home and get my paycheck.
Imagine my surprise when, as I pulled, it felt like I was trying to move a mountain. In fact I pulled a little too hard and fast, because a second later I dropped my whipsy with a yelp as pain flared in my neckular region - yes I’m sure that’s a word, I’m a teacher after all- area.
“What the bucking buck?!” I snarled, glaring at the creature, who still hadn’t moved, “What the heck’s wrong with that thing?!”
He calmly flipped another page, not looking up at me. “So I’m guessing you can’t read High Hyrdrean?”
“Ah, no…”
“Well, if you could you’d see that it says on the jar, and I quote, ‘To those who wish to lift this veil, the greatest harmony you must prevail’,” he sighed as he looked up from his book to see my confused look. “Those runes wouldn’t let you lift the jar until you figure out the riddle.”
“Ooh.... So do you…”
“I’ve guarded this thing for a very, very long time, girl, of course I know the riddle,” he snorted at my hopeful look. “Do you think there’s any way that I’d tell you the answer? You gotta figure it out yourself.”
I ruffled my feathers angrily as I pawed the ground, “I could beat the answer out of you.”
I struggled not to shiver as his weird glowing peepers locked with mine “Filly, we are in a confined space that I know like the back of my hand. I’m a guy that could lift one of those statues easily, not to mention I’m basically indestructible. Now, you don’t need to believe me, you charge me and I’ll show you.”
So that’s what I did, charging him with with a roar and a flap of my wings to maximize my chargeness, ready to buck this guy into next week. That was the plan, except that I blinked, ruining the whole thing.
See, if I hadn’t blinked I might have seen how the creature got up and over to me so fast.
I yelped as I was hoisted into the air, struggling to get out of this creatures grasp as he stared at me bemusedly.
“I’ll put you down when you stop being so pissy,” was what I got as I started bucking wildly in the air, cursing loudly every time I hit something that felt like stone. “By Celestia’s flaming tits, what are you made of?!”
“Will you stop kicking me?”
“I’mma kick your head off!”
“Alright then. You’ll tire out in a few minutes.”
He was wrong though, by how hard I was kicking he must of held me up there for about five hours before I toyed with surrendering, then another ten hours until I actually surrendered.
Now come on, would I lie to you?
“You*gasp* didn’t *gasp* win,” I managed to get out as I was all but dropped back onto the floor. I would have complained at the harsh treatment if I wasn’t so close to passing out.
The creature sighed, going back and picking up his book. “Girl-”
“It’s *gasp* Daring,” I spat, looking over at him.
“Daring, there’s been a load of creature of all walks of life that’ve come in here and tried to take this jug. I’ve even had an alicorn or two that’ve tried to take this thing away from me, and that jar is still up on that podium,” he walked over and squatted down so he was face-to-face with me.
“Why don’t you go back home,” he asked me, “No offense but I don’t think you’re gonna be the one to do it.”
I’m gonna be straight with you, I kinda, sorta growled at the guy in a not-so-pony way as a little bit of red entered my vision. But can you blame me though? You’d be pretty upset too if somepony told you that you’re not good enough to get something. So I what any sensible mare would do in with situation.
“What don’t you go buck yourself?!” I snarled, my exhaustion forgotten as I stood up and walked back over to my Whipsy, picking him up and crackling him loudly as I glared at the jar. “Watch this you weird bucking creature! I can beat this stupid magic!” I cracked my Whipsy backwards, getting ready to hit this stupid jar as hard as I could. I hope the Princess is okay with this thing in pieces! I thought as I heaved the whip forward as hard as I could.
Now If I wasn’t so upset I would have noticed that the end of Whipsy was caught on one of statues. Also, if the fury wasn’t on me I would have thought it odd that Whipsy was carrying so much weight on the return whip, but I was pretty damn mad, so the only part of my soon-to-be impending doom I noticed was the sound of stone scraping and crackling behind me.
What happened after that was kinda embarrassing for me. Usually when I see a tower or something along those lines making its slow fall I do what surprisingly many ponies in my situation don’t do, I get outta the bucking way. But, as I looked up at the priceless statue that was slowly but surely falling in my general direction, I froze up.
Right before the whole thing came crashing down I said one of the bestest, most amazing last words anypony has ever said, “Buck me right in the-”
CRASH!
Well, I didn’t get to finish my awesome last words… Actually since I’m still alive and not a ghost and stuff I guess they weren’t last words at all, but hey, details details. So then I hear a crash and I see red before I konked right out......
Author's Note
Something I wanted to do to keep from getting bored. If you're expecting a plot or storyline...
Well, have fun finding one...
Daring Doo and Doing the Dirty with the Dungeon Master
Now, I didn't go on a spirit journey or anything silly like while I was in my little sleepy-time-coma-thing, -that also has the surprising habit of happening to me if you care- recovering from my silly mistake, it was more like I just took a really short nap. But, unlike a nap, where you might feel comfy or sleepy when you wake up, when I woke up to a world of pain.
I groaned, opening my eyes to a world of blurriness and hurtiness. Wincing, I tried not to groan out in pain; it felt like I had gone a few rounds with a Hydra and lost. What am I?... Oh, right, the statue, I thought as I tried to ruffle my feathers to see how my wings were, failing due to what felt like bandages. Huh, it looks like I’m not dead… I wonder who-
“Huh, you’re finally awake,” A voice said, mildly startling me, “I guess I’m better at healing than I thought.”
Wait, I thought as my mind slowly worked through the pain, I remember that voice…. “You’re that guy with the weird eyes, right?” I managed to croak out, struggling not to cough, “Why can’t I see right?
I felt something touch my lips, “It’s water, drink it slowly,” he told me as he trickled some of that awesome, life-giving liquid down my throat. I groaned when he moved the water from my mouth and began to gently poke and prod my face.
“You’ll be able to see in a couple of minutes, the amount healing you had to go through was pretty impressive, so you’ll be a bit blurry,” I felt something else touch my lips, “Now this is medicine, it’s going to taste bad, but you’re going to have to drink it even if I have to force it down your throat.”
I weakly nodded as a paste was all but forced down my throat. “Buck,” I said after swallowing the nasty stuff. “That tasted like Manticore piss.”
I couldn’t help but smile as my vision sharpened and cleared to see the face of the creature, his glowing eyes staring down at me with concern and a little bit of amusement. “That Manticore piss has been the only thing keeping you alive,” I saw him turn around as my eyes started to droop, a strong sense of tiredness sweeping over me. “You better get some more sleep, I’ll have something for you to eat when you wake up.”
“Why?” I asked, “Why did you save me?”
He turned back around, a small smile on his face. “Why not? Get some rest, Daring, you’ll need it.”
“Wait,” I murmured, my eyes starting to close, “Could you at least tell me your name?”
Before I fell back asleep I heard him tell me it, “Augustus, my name is Augustus…”
The first thing I noticed when I woke up again was the sound of birds calling, then there was a feeling of me being warm and comfy. So it was waaaay better than my first wake-up by at least ten thousand percent.
Wow, I feel… pretty good… a little hungry but good, I thought as I yawned, blinking awake.
I mean I still probably shouldn’t get up because I must still be healing, but it was a thousand times better than before. “I wonder if I can get the recipe for whatever that Augustus guy gave me,” I thought aloud, my gazers gazing around my surroundings.
I was in with looked to be a normal-looking bed but that was the only thing that looked normal in this smallish room. First off, all on the ceiling there were these bird skeletons suspended in the air, kinda like the ones they sometimes have at schools.
Then there were the shelves of books that lined every bit of exposed wall and a big table with a chair that had everything from little weird models to what looked like notes on it, the whole room illuminated by a big open squared window.
All-in-all it kinda looked like my little one-bed-one-bathroom back home.
“Huh, this isn’t what I thought a dungeon master’s room would look like, but I’m not complaining…” I looked panically around the room when I noticed that the familiar weight that was usually on top of my head wasn’t there, along with my shirt. I’m naked! I thought as I tried to cover myself more with my blanket.
Yah yah, a pony that doesn’t like to be naked, laugh it right up....
But think about it, my tail moves the wrong way and you’ll see my goodies, and the same kinda goes for you. Come on! quit looking at me like that, I can’t be the only pony that thinks that’s messed up for bucks sake!
Where are my, I sighed in relief when I found both my shirt and hat hanging, and looking like somepony had at them with a needle and thread, at the foot of the bed. “Oh thank-”
I flinched as three little black and white things all but flew through the window and landed onto the desk, sending everything flying. As they made weird sounds to each other I got a good look at what they were. “Monkeys?” I muttered to myself as I watched the little guys, lemurs if I had to guess, continue to make their little monkey sounds as they pawed at each other.
I let out a little coo. “You guys are adorable,” I said, alerting the monkeys I was there and awake, their three little heads snapping in my direction. I giggled as they hopped off the desk and started toward me.
“Oi,” A voice snapped out, the lemurs stopping in there tracks as the creature appeared with a wooden tray in has hands. He looked around and saw what were probably his papers everywhere on the floor. “You three, clean that up,” he pointed to the mess, walking toward me.
I almost drooled when I saw the tray was stacked with fruits. “I figured you’d be hungry,” he said as the lemurs started cleaning up their mess. “Remember to eat slowly or you’re going to start throwing up.”
“Thanks,” I got out before I all but attacked my food, any manners forgotten as a stone cup of water was passed to me.
“Slow down or I’m going to take the food off you,” Augustus said, pulling up the chair to my bedside.
I reached for another pear but my hoof was swatted away. “Take a breather first.”
I snorted. “Don’t tell me how to live my life,” I tried to reach for the tray but it was pulled away.
“I can when I’m the one that kept you alive,” he stretched out his legs and plucked an orange from the tray, peeling it. “Yes-sir-ree you’re a lucky one. Six broken ribs, a cracked skull, a broken wing, and a punctured lung,” he scrunched up his face, “Not to mention you broke one of the statues.”
I chuckled weakly, “Well, I feel pretty good right now. Could I get another glass of water? I’m still kinda thirsty.”
My water was refilled. “You’re feeling alright because of a nifty little concoction that I learned a while ago from a neighbor, it increases the bodies healing factor by about a thousand percent and a whole bunch of other nonsense that I didn't bother to remember when she told me.You’ll be as good as new in a week or two.”
I hummed, “How long was I?..”
“About a week,” He told me, placing the tray back in my lap. “Eat up the rest if you want.”
I shook my head, “Nah, I’m not hungry anymore,” I looked up at him. “Thanks for fixing up my cloths… And for not letting me die, you could have just left me.”
He smiled, whistling, “Moe, Curly, Larry, come here and eat up,” The lemurs looked up, little smiles on their cute little faces as they ran over, climbing up on Augustus, who handed them each a piece of fruit. “Don’t mention it; the whole saving you part,” he said, waving a hand dismissively, “I’ve wanted to test that potion for a while now, and I can always make another one of those statues.”
My eyes narrowed at that disbelievingly. “You did that all by yourself?”
“I did all of them by myself.”
“But for somepony by themselves that’d take forever.”
He shrugged, “It took about sixty years to teach myself to stone carve, another hundred and twenty to finish all of those.”
I blinked at that. “You don’t look that old.”
He smiled. “I’m quite a bit older than that,” he got up, gently pulling the covers off me. “Now come on, you’re getting a bath.”
I slowly rolled myself over into my stomach. “I could probably use a bath,” I muttered, giving myself the sniff test and wincing, “I kinda reek. Am I going to be fine if I just start walking?” I asked as he hummed.
“Well, that’s a good question, let’s find out,” I yelped as my gently picked me up and placed me on the ground. “Moe, go and get the lady a bar of soap, Larry, get one of those towels, the ones made out of furry leaf.”
He turned toward me, “Come on, you haven’t been out long enough for significant muscle decomposition but if you feel tight tell me,” he started toward the door with me following him through a well-maintained corridor, stretching out my sore limbs as we maintained a slow pace toward wherever we were going.
I giggled when I felt something hop into my back along with little monkey/lemur hands playing with my mane. Looking over my shoulder I saw the little lemur looking at me with a bar of soap in its little hand.
“Hey little guy,” I cooed. “Did you bring that for me?”
I was surprised when he shook his little monkey head, handing me the soap, which I took with a wing. “Huh, smart monkey,” I muttered as we came upon a set of stairs leading down.
“I’ll go first to make sure you don’t fall down,” Augustus said, making his way downward. “Oh, and Moe over there isn’t a monkey; Lemurs aren’t related to apes and chimps so they aren't monkeys.”
I snorted, “I know,” I said, carefully making my way downward. “It’s just easier to call them monkey’s. Or would you prefer I tell you that lemurs belong in the prosimian category, along with galagos, pottos and lorises. Or that 'Prosimian' literally means 'before monkeys' - because they are considered more primitive animals than monkeys, who in turn are more primitive than apes,” I grinned as he looked back at me, his eyebrow raised. “Huh smart guy?”
He stared at me for a moment longer before continuing his descent. “That’s pretty good, Daring, watch your step; its slick right there,” he said. “Who taught you that?”
I tried to extend my wings slowly, flinching at how tender they were. Boy do I need a good preening, I thought, smiling as the Lemur looked at my extended wingspan with amazement. I probably should lay off the flying for a bit.
“I’ll have you know that I teach on the side,” I told Augustus. “I took a couple classes in zoology my freshmen year; I’d thought it would come in handy for the whole adventuring thing.”
“You don’t look like the teaching type.”
I shrugged, rolling my shoulders and wincing as they popped. “Ya, I teach a couple of history classes. It’s something to do while I’m not out here doing this.”
Augustus shook his head as I continued, “You know, I’ve been all around and I’ve seen a lot of folks,” I thought about how I was going to ask him this and decided on the forward approach. “But I’ve never seen your kind. Could you tell me what you are?”
I sighed as we made it all the way down the steps, my legs already burning from the exercise. Those stairs are gonna be a bitch to get back up, I thought as Augustus led me down the twist-and-turns of corridors that made up this place.
“What am I?” he said stroking his chin thoughtfully, “Is that a philosophical question or a practical one?”
I frowned at that. “You know what I mean,” I grunted.
He stopped and spun around, giving me a showy bow. “I am called Augustus the human, Skull-breaker, widow-maker, and guardian of the temple of Fabricante de la Galleta,” he rolled his eyes as I snickered at that, spinning around and continuing his walking.
He thinks he can impress me with titles? Puff, good one.
I shook my head, clearing my thoughts as I trotted after him. “That’s… an impressive bunch of titles,” I almost teased, my ears perking at the sound of water. “A human huh? I’ve ever heard of you guys.”
He shrugged. “I may or may not be the only one here.”
I let out a little gasp in amazement as we entered a main chamber, not because of what he said, buck that nonsense, I was gasping about how freakin awesome his bathroom was. It was illuminated by these pretty glowing crystals that seemed to be growing out of the walls. Then there was this stone aqueducts-like thing that was broken in the middle, a rush of what looked like steaming water, falling downward, making a neat little waterfall.
“It’s beautiful,” I all but whispered, drinking in everything as I heard the patter of little feet, another one of the lemurs running past me with a little towel, climbing up onto the human’s shoulder.
“Welcome to the greatest bathroom in the world,” he said, opening his arms widely. “That water’s temperature should be fine for you and there’s a stone toilet over there if you need to do your business. I’ll be near the stairs if you need anything.”
As he turned I caught him with a hoof. “Augustus,” I said, “Really, why are you helping me?”
“You don’t think its from the goodness from my heart, huh?”
“You’ve healed my, fed me, and even fixed my cloths,” I shrugged. looking up at him. “Not even most ponies where I’m from would do all of that. Heck you’ve even told me about yourself.”
The human looked down at me, his glowing eyes seemingly staring through me. “I’ve been here for thousands of years, Daring, and I’m not gonna lie to you, I’ve been some bad things protecting this place, protecting that damned jar. I could tell you that I didn’t have a choice in the matter but that isn’t the whole truth.”
He squatted down to get eye-level with me. “To tell you the truth I liked being so powerful, being able to kill most with a flick of the wrist,” he noticed my slight shiver. “But it got old after a while, so now, whenever a poor soul comes into this temple, I give them a place to sleep and a bit of food to eat and maybe a good conversation. I’ll tell you the rest another day.”
Well, that got me right in the feeler.
He tried to get back up but I was faster, wrapping my hooves around his neck. “Well, I think you’re an okay guy, Augustus,” I told him, gently nuzzling his cheek and taking the towel from his hands.
I felt him stiffen slightly for a moment before giving me a quick, awkward squeeze. “Whatever you say girl, now go do your business, you probably want to get on home.”
I raised an eyebrow, “What are you talking about?” I said as I made my way over to the neat waterfall. “The Princess gave me orders to get that jar and I’m gonna do it,” I let out a sigh as the water fell onto my dirty coat. I started to rub the bar of soap between my hooves, grinning back at the human.
“I’ve dealt with puzzles like this before, and each one I’ve cracked quicker than you can say Manticore.” I looked back at Augustus, who had an amused gleam in his eye. “Give me two days tops and I’ll be outta here.”
Augustus grinned as one of the lemurs climbed up on his shoulder, the monkey grinning back as he turned around. “Well, I do get lonely here,” he said as he made his way out of the chamber. “But you’ll give up like everyone else does though…”
Alright, I thought, slowly walking around the podium, starring the jar down as I looked for any weaknesses in the runes. Are there any lighter glowing runes? Because then this will be a heck of a lot easier. You know, maybe I should just figure out the riddle; I mean, all of these ancient riddles are always easy to figure out when-
“You’ve been walking around that thing for two hours now. Are you going to stop and get something to eat or am I just gonna go eat by myself?” Augustus asked, looking back down his book. “I mean I’m getting motion sickness just by looking at you for Christ sakes.”
I frowned at that, glaring at the human. “Shut up,” I snapped, continuing my circle-walking. “Where did you get that book anyway?”
He looked at me for a moment before going back to his book. “There’s a travel route not too far away from here. Whenever a caravan passes I get one of the lemurs to snag me a couple of books, this is one on modern Equestrian politics.”
I stopped to look up at him. “You get lemurs to steal you books?”
He didn’t look up. “I get them to take other things too.”
“That’s illegal…”
He snorted, “Arrest me,” he flipped another page. “Besides, ever since I’ve been in this forest I’ve used these books to keep brushed up on the wide world’s languages.”
“How old are you?”
He smiled behind his book. “Old.”
My frown deepened as I tapped my chin with a hoof in thought. “Hummm, ‘To those who wish to lift this veil, the greatest harmony you must prevail’... The greatest harmony you must prevail… The greatest harmony…”
My eyes widened as a proverbial light bulb turned on above my head. “Wait a second!” I turned around, all but charging toward Augustus, who gave me ‘the look’, you know the one stallions always do.
I skidded to a stop right in front of him. “Augustus! Are we friends?!”
He slowly blinked at me. “Excuse me?”
I got a little close to his face. “Because I wanna be your friend, so who about it, huh?”
“....Sure….”
I shouted out in victory, running back and climbing up the podium. “That’s great, really really great. And since friendship produces harmony…” My hooves eagerly reached for the jar…
Only for the bucking thing to stay on the podium.
Augustus got up, rolling his eyes as I groaned. “Alright, you do… this, I’m going to whip something up to eat.”
Have you ever been in a quiet room and your tummy gets rumbly? Well, for some reason, its always the loudest bucking thing, which I noticed when my stomach happily reminded me that I hadn’t eaten that day.
I fought back a blush, rubbing the back of my head. “Hehe, so you were saying something about food right?” He shook his head, motioning me to follow him with a book, the two of us walking to one of the many secret hallways that littered the place.
“So, Augustus,” I said as we made our way to his neat little kitchen. “All of these carrots and potatoes and stuff; do you get the lemurs to steal those too?”
He looked back at me. “When you’re all by yourself for as long as I have you learn to do a lot of things, farming was one of the things I taught myself as the years passed.”
I rolled my eyes. “You know you keep telling me how old you are without telling me how old you are. What are you? Two-hundred, three-hundred, I mean you can’t-”
“I’m over ten-thousand years old.”
I stopped in my tracks, my jaw slack. “R-really?” Augustus didn't slow his walking while I sorted out the believability of his statement.
“Yep, I was old when your princesses mother and father were born.”
I raised an eyebrow at that. “You knew the king and queen?” I asked disbelievingly, finally snapping out of it and trotting back to his side.
“I met them both together once or twice, I gave them a little bit of advice whenever they asked for it,” he shrugged. “Faust was a nice girl, always coming to see me, she took to heart some things I told her, the dad… not so much.”
I took a shaky breath a that. “Did you meet any other super famous or powerful beings?” I asked, trying not to lose my mind. I mean, for crying out loud, this guy was probably a walking history book!... If he wasn't full of it.
“Well, for a while I was renowned as a wise man among the races of Equs. So I got loads of kings, queens, stuff like that. I remember when the pony tribes came to me to see if I could help them with their Windigo problem, then there was this odd stallion that stayed with me for a number of years, went by the name of Starswirl something or other. I even met your princesses once or twice when they were younger.”
“Y-yah?”
He smiled. “Those two were quite the little hellions when they were younger, their mom always brought them with her when she wanted to talk or needed help with something and they always broke something.”
I hummed thoughtfully, “So…. if you’ve met all of these ponies, why isn’t there any… well anything on you? I’m sure somepony would of wrote about a glowy-eyed, weird-named human guy.”
We turned a corner. “After Luna had her little temper tantrum the world was thrown into a few years of chaos, even with Celestia doing her best knowledge was lost, things were stolen, books were burned,” he shrugged. “But what can you do?”
“...Blame, Luna.” I said, slightly angry that that princess caused all of that sweet, sweet knowledge to be lost.
Augustus chuckled. “That’s a very mortal thing to say, Missy.”
“What do ya mean?”
“Daring, I don’t you think you understand something about immortality. None of us are gods, we have thoughts, feelings, and all of that nonsense, like you, and some of the things that we do or we see messes with us and that starts to build up until,” he snapped his fingers. “we lose it.”
“So you’ve…”
“Gone batshit nuts? A couple of times,” we entered the kitchen, an old-timey little thing that was basically a stone table with a few wooden chairs, some wooden cabinets, a fireplace, and what looked to be a wooden stove. Augustus started rummaging through the cabinets as I sat down.
“I wasn’t that bad though,” he continued, pulling out some vegetables and a knife. “Just a decade or two of me writing on the temple walls with my blood or something else silly like that. Then one of the others-”
“Others?” I asked as the human pulled out a pot and lit up a fire in the stove. “You know I feel like I should be writing this down, with you being such a gossip.”
“I’m a talker,” he said, looking around the kitchen for a jar of water. “besides, I’ve told this to hundreds of ponies and what have you.”
“...Could you get back to those others?” I asked as the human walked over to me, hopping onto the table and snatching my hat from my noggin. “Hey! Give that back!!” I growled as he messed with my mane.
“In a second, now you be quiet while the adults are talking,” he cleared his throat. “Now, Daring, have you seen anything like me before?”
“No.”
“Have you ever heard about the slightest hint of my species?”
“...No, I already told you this,” I narrowed my eyes at him. “Could you quit beating around the bush and get to the juicy stuff?”
He leaned toward me until our noses were touching. “Daring Doo,” he said dramatically, the light seeming to go out of the room. “What if I told you that I wasn’t of this world?”
“Like an alien?”
He seemed to deflate at that. “You know when I use to tell ponies that they’d lose their minds…. Kids today…. And no, I’d have to of been born on a different planet in this universe.”
“...So you’re not from a different universe?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“...Bullshit.”
He snorted at that. “Didn’t I tell you to be quiet?”
I ignored that. “I mean who’d be able to pull that off? The amount of power…”
I didn’t like the humans grin. “Not who, what.”
“...Explain.”
Augustus hopped up from the table, pouring water into the veggie pot and putting the pot on the stove. he hummed quietly as me started grabbing spices.
“Now, Daring, I’m sure this isn’t your first temple and I’m not your first ‘dungeon master’,” he snorted at the end. “What if I also told you they weren’t from here either, that all of us were brought here to protect these artifacts?”
I blinked at that. “...Go on…”
“What if there was something, someplace that took each of us from our homes and basically made us gods, and that it needed these artifacts to keep expanding?” His grin got bigger. “What if i told you it was the Everfree?”
I shook my head slowly, hoping that the human wasn’t nuts. “The Everfree forest brought you here?”
“Yep.”
“And gave you these superpowers?”
“Aha.”
“And made you protect the jar?”
“Actually, when I first got here it put me under a compulsion to kill everyone that entered this place and protect the jar,” he stirred the pot. “I broke the first one after a hundred years or so. It took the others a bit longer.”
“Now you keep talking about these ‘others’? Who are they?”
“You know, all of the creatures from the myths, the golems, sphinxes, minotaurs-”
“Minotaurs?”
He made a dismissive motion with his hand. “The forest brought in so many of those guys that when they broke free from the Everfree they started to populate the planet. There’s one a couple temples over who still has her artifact. Nice girl, she usually comes over a couple times a year along with a nice Naga; we have tea, catch up, its nice.”
“I still don’t get it, “I said, tilting my head. “You’re saying that the forest is alive?”
He turned back toward me. “In a sense that a… wait you guys know about cells and stuff right?”
I nodded my head. “We’ve known about them for like a hundred years.”
“Huh.... how about Television?”
“We got HD and everything.”
He looked into the pot before looking back at me. “In a sense that a cell is alive then. How to explain this to you…”
He grabbed a bunch of stone bowls and laid them out on the table. “Pretend that this table is the Everfree and these bowls are the temples, alright?”
I sighed. “Augustus, you know I’m a teacher, I don’t need-”
“Nope, I’m still gonna explain it like this!” He interrupted, motioning at the bowls. “Now, like a cell, the Everfree has ‘organs’ that keep it alive and well, the temples, these ‘organs’ need things to protect them from harm, the dungeon masters as you call them."
"Now, lets say that you manage to take away the jar of knowledge from the temple; you probably won’t but let’s just say you do,” I frowned at that but motioned him to continue. “As long as you take it out of the forest then the Everfree’s going to grow just a little bit weaker, but, since there’s thousands of temples all over this forest, it really won’t be much of a problem,” He waved a big wooden spoon around.
“At least that’s my take on everything, I could just be full of shit or it might just of been some weird accident that did all of this to me and all of the others,” he passed me a bowl. “I hope you’re up for stew.”
“Alright,” I slowly said, “You really don’t have me sold on the whole, ‘the Everfree is alive-alive’ thing, but it’s interesting…” I tapped a hoof against my chin. “So if all of that nonsense is true, what would happen if all of the artifacts were gone? Or why don’t you just leave?”
“Well, and this is just me thinking out loud, if there were too many artifacts stolen or a particularly powerful on was stolen the forest might die like a cell would..”
“How so?”
He shrugged, ladling two servings of stew into mine and his bowl and passing me a spoon. “No idea,” he hummed as he took a bite of his stew. “Now enough of me and my crazy ideas, how about you tell me a bit about yourself.”
I blinked at that, half of my stew gone already. What can I say, a hungry Daring is a grumpy Daring.
“Me?” I said, swallowing another mouthful.
He leaned his elbows onto the table, his chin on his hands. “Yes you, ya can’t expect a guy to spill his guts and not say anything.”
“And if I don’t want to?”
“Then I’m gonna take that stew off you.”
“...Fine,” I muttered, looking down at my stew. “There’s not really much to say, I’ve been doing this adventuring thing for most of my life, it was kind of a family tradition ….”
He grinned at that. “So you come from a long line of grav-”
“Shut your bucking mouth and eat your food, I’m telling my story,” his hands moved up defensively.
“Touche.”
“Ya, I even got the right cutiemark for it,” I sagged into my chair. “But that’s not really what I wanted to do, well not full time anyway, so a few years later I decided to take up teaching,” I smiled slightly, “I can tell ya, I like sitting behind a desk a lot better than dodging poison darts- it may not be as fun but I still like it- but I wish I didn’t need to read all of my students shitty papers…”
I shivered at that, those kids needed to learn where to put their commas and semicolons, I mean do you know how annoying it is when somepony doesn’t have the decency to at least pre-read their work? Very.
“But even that gets kinda old really fast, so I go out and do this when the crown comes a-callin,” I waved a hoof around, a tired smile on my face. “And that’s the life of the amazing Daring Doo!”
The human cocked his head at me, a quizzical look on his face. “Why don’t you write then?”
“What?”
“You saw all of those books on those shelves in my room right?”
“Yah…”
“Most of them are ones that I’ve written.”
I snorted at that. “Your a jack-of-all-trades kind of guy huh ?”
“Keeping busy is one of the tricks for an immortal to stay sane. I’ve learned how to farm, stone carve, blacksmith, hell, I’ve even been a sex guru.”
“What was the last one?...”
“You mean blacksmith?” I narrowed my eyes at that but I let it slide, staring at my now cold stew and letting my thinker think.
“So become a writer huh?” I said, mostly to myself. “I guess I could write about some of my adventures….”
I yelped at as a hand struck my shoulder. “That’s the spirit!” Augustus said, grinning down at me.
I looked up at him, slightly nervous. “But what if whatever I write crashes and burns? I mean, I know I’m awesome and everything, but...”
He gently placed my hat back on my head. “Then you keep pumping them out, they’ll see your awesomeness eventually. Now, if you’re done with that…”
For some reason unknown to me my face felt a little warm as I hoofed him the bowl, not able to look the human in the face. “Augustus,” I finally said as he cleaned the dishes. “Why do you stay here?”
He stopped what he was doing to look back at me, his glowing eyes slightly bitter. “I can’t leave for anything longer than a month until I’m forced back here. I’m stuck here until my artifacts been taken out of the temple.”
“Then why don’t you tell me the riddle?” I asked, my voice slightly sad for some reason.
“I can’t, the forest won’t let me,” he said after staring at me for a minute.
I stood up, my back straightening and my eyes lightening up in determination. “Then I guess I have to get that jar outta here huh?” I hopped into the table, looking into the humans eyes. “Don’t you worry, Augustus, I’ll figure out that stupid riddle so you can go see the whole world and the princesses and TV!... Wait, you said you knew about TV, how did…"
So began my two weeks of intensive study, light physical therapy, and playing with Augustus’s Lemurs as I tried and failed to figure out that bucking stupid riddle.
I also learned a bit more about my human templemate, boy did he teach me too…
Not like that you dummy….
He taught me a bit of the Marian language and a bit of their history too. Like, you know how we all think that on twenty-twenty the worlds gonna end because that’s when their calendar stopped? Well, apparently they were making another one when the calendar-maker kicked the bucket before he could make anything else.
I also learned what happened to Augustus’s other ‘guest’, who apparently had gotten the not-so bright idea of bringing a bunch of griffin mercenaries along with him and demanding that he be given the jar. And don’t you know it it was one of my arch-nemesiseses, Ahuizotl.*
Nope, I’m pretty sure that’s how you say that word.
So, when I asked what happened to my old chum the human replied, “I buried the griffins in the back where I grow my carrots, the Ahuizotl I have in one of the lower chambers. It's not everyday one of those come guys around and I have a skeleton of every other kind animal around here, so…”
Boy was I happy that the human hadn’t made me into a weird study-skeleton… Not that I couldn’t whip him in a hoof-fight if he tried or anything.
The best part about the whole time I studied was when Augustus let me look at everything he wrote down, from journals to novels to books on different plants and animals, I ate everything up… In the reading sense of course.
Then he also did something really cool for me, helping with and editing my first try at a novel, something I was going to call, ‘Daring Do and the Havoc Hounds’. Not the best title but sue me, it's my first.
So there I was one day, sitting behind the humans desk with the paper that he had apparently made and a quill that he must have gotten off of a phoenix because it lit on fire every time I looked at it funny, Augustus standing over my shoulder with a handful of stuff that I had already written.
“She stared into the tartarus hounds black, dead, fire-filled eyes, dread slowing welling into her chest,” he read aloud dramatically before stopping, “You know they’re not called tartarus hounds?” He said, looking down at me.
I sighed, rubbing my temples to try to relieve my growing headache. “Then what are they called for Celestia’s sake? I mean they’re from tartarus and they’re dogs that are not fir-”
“They’re not from your underworld,” he interrupted me “and they’re called hellhounds.”
I scrunched my face at that. “Hellhounds? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of, and of course they’re-”
I stopped when I saw his raised eyebrow, groaning, “You know where they’re from, right?”
The human looked slightly uneasy at that. “I’ve seen a few of those hellhounds in my time and in human myths they’re real and that they’re from a place that shouldn’t exists,” he let out a chuckle. “Here I am, a ten thousand year old human in a land full of magic and I still have a hard time believing that Hell might exists.”
“...Hell?”
“Let’s just say it’s a very bad place, alright?”
I nodded, looking back down at my work. “Say, Augustus, you said that it was a human-”
He raised a hand. “No.”
“Just-”
“I’m not going to talk about them.”
“But whyyyyy?” I whined, looking back up at him. “I mean I’ve gone through most of your books and you haven’t written anything about them!”
“Some things are meant to be left alone, Daring,” he warned, making me feel oddly guilty.
“Alright….”
He put down the stacks of paper. “I’m going to check the vents, I haven’t cleaned them in a while,” he grumbled, making his way through the door.
“Augustus, I’m-”
He stopped, looking over his shoulder and sighing. “No, it’s fine, its fine. Its still a sore subject and all…”
“I still shouldn’t have pressed,” I said, rubbing my shoulder, “I guess I’m a pretty bad house guest huh?”
He chuckled sadly, “The best one I’ve had in a long time. I think I might miss you when you’re gone.”
That did it. With a flap of my wings I flew up and toward the human, wrapping my hooves around him and almost knocking him over. “I’m not going without you,” I said, nuzzling the side of his head. “I told you that I’d help you and I’m a mare of my word. Besides, I still owe you for saving my life,” With another flap of my wings I gently landed back on the ground, my face slightly red from all of the touchy-feel-yness.
I cleared my throat. “Don’t tell anypony I did that,” I said as the human turned toward me, chuckling.
“Too late,” he told me with mirth in his eyes, pointing behind me, revealing the three lemurs staring at us curiously.
Despite myself, I couldn’t help but giggle as Augustus started back to the hallway. “Alright, I’ll be back in a couple of hours, I really do need to clean those vents. When those things get clogged and this temple gets really hot,” I watched as he walked out of sight. “Keep writing, Daring, I’ll fix your mistakes tomorrow.”
My eye twitched as his laughter echoed throughout the hall. “You’re lucky you’re kinda cute…” I muttered, sighing as I looked down at the mess that I mayyyy have caused with my little flight.
So after a load of grumbling on my part during my clean up I started on my book, which started a lot more grumbling as the day ended until I finally gave up and went to sleep on the nice little cot that Augustus set up for me.
I looked out of the window and sighed happily at the moonlit scenery. Even though the Everfree was a real scary place it was actually kinda pretty at night. I looked up at the ceiling, sighing as I closed my eyes. I wonder where Augustus is, I thought as I tried to ignore all of the sounds that a forest omitted at night. I mean, how hard is it it clean a bunch of-
Boom!
My eyes widened as the boom of thunder echoed throughout the stone walls, the flash of thunder following as I curled into a small ball, trying not to shake under the blanket.
“Come on, Daring,” I muttered to myself. “You’re a Pegasus for crying out loud! Lightning can’t even hurt you and-”
Boom!
I couldn’t help but let out a little yelp as I wrapped the blanket tighter around myself.
Ya, I know, a Pegasus that’s afraid of thunder and lightning, haha it’s funny so you should laugh at her. Just remember bub, there’s a bunch of bottles laying around that would love to get broken over your head.
So there I was, curled up into a ball, under a blanket, and shaking in mild terror when I heard the sound of those meaty steps that I had come to know.
“Daring,” Augustus called in a concerned voice. “Why are you shaking? Are you-”
Boom!
I let out a little whimper until I felt the human sit down beside me.
“I can see in the dark, Daring, now get out from under that blanket and tell me what’s wrong.”
I was about to silently tell him to go buck himself by ignoring him when I felt my blanket torn from me.
“H-hey,” I shimmered, my eyes darting around in panic. “Give t-that back and-”
Boom!
Boy did he look surprised when I wrapped him in a fear hug, my muzzle buried in the nape of his neck. I felt Augustus look around. “Seriously? You’re scared of lightning? But it thundered the other day”
“S-Shut up! That was during the day.”
“But you can just fly up and fixe-” I stopped when he felt me shaking, sighing and running his fingers through my mane.
“There, there,” he said, trying to sound soothing. “Don’t you worry, I’llmake sure the big bad thunder doesn’t get you… Quit biting me, Daring, you’re just gonna hurt you teeth.”
“I’m gonna buck you into next week you jerk.”
“Are you gonna be alright if I let you sleep by yourself?”
Boom!
I answered by hugging him harder, making him sigh again. “Fine,” he gently picked me up and scooted me over so he could lay down, throwing the blanket over us. “But don’t you say that I don’t do anything for you.”
I squeezed harder, half wanting to crush the light out of him and half of my wondering why he smelled so nice, or how warm he was. All of that almost made me forget that it was thundering outside.
Almost.
So Augustus had the honor of holding my shaking flank until I passed out from exhaustion., something I’m positive that he enjoyed. I’m not gonna say that I enjoyed it, nope, I’m not gonna. Because the humans eyes ruined it when I woke up to see them looking down at me, all glowy and predator-ee, which scared the buck outta me.
“Holy buck!” I shouted, falling out of the cot and hitting the hard, painful ground with a yelp. “Whipsy, Whipsy, I need you!”
“...Daring?”
I stopped my little sleepy panic to pop up head back over the cot to see a very confused Augustus looking down at me.
“Um…” I said as I fought down a little blush. “Good morning?”
Augustus silently looked at me for a minute longer before saying, “You call your whip, Whipsy?”
“...Yah.”
He scrunched his face a little bit. “But why?”
I rolled my eyes, hopping back up into the bed. “Because a mare always knows to name her whips so that they have a reason to hit their mark,” I told him like it was common knowledge, which it was. Go ask your mom, she’ll tell ya.
“Whatever you say,” he said getting up and cracking his neck. “Well, I’m gonna hit the shower and get some gardening done before the humidity gets any worse.”
“Wait!” I said, “Um, I wanna thank you for the whole 'sleeping with me while I was being a cry-baby' thing,” I said lamely. “I know it’s a silly thing for a Pegasus to be afraid of….” I looked away from him. “I must seem like a little filly huh?”
Now I was expecting maybe a bit of teasing or some laughter, not my hat being put onto my head as the human hopped back onto the cot, sitting right next to me as he said, “That’s not something that's silly to be scared of, Daring, its actually a pretty rational fear.”
I looked up at him. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better…”
He gave me a side-long glance. “What if I told you I used to be scared of the dark?”
“Really?”
“Terrified, actually I used to be scared of loads of things. In fact, even now I couldn’t do a lot of stuff you do now.”
I raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for an explanation.
“I mean your whole teaching thing, even after all of this time I have a hard time talking to crowds.”
Now I was pretty sure he was just trying to make me feel better. “Didn’t you say that you were a wise man and that you talked to people like everyday?”
He shook his head slowly. “Nope, can’t say that I recall that conversation.”
I almost rolled my eyes at that. “You’d think someone as old as you would be a better liar,” I muttered, grumbling as he knocked my hat off my head. “And he would act a little more his age.”
“A wise man once said that growing old in inescapable, growing up is optional,” he replied to me with a sagey look, which was ruined by the grin on his face.
“Well, thanks for trying to make me feel better anyway,” I muttered as he got back up.
“Just remember, Daring, everyone feels fear; its what we do when faced with those fears that defines us. There’s your wisemenness for the day,” He finished, leaving me sitting in that cot with my thinker going full steam ahead.
Huh, I guess he’s right, I thought as I laid back onto my bed. Even with my dumb little fear I’m still pretty awesome. I mean, it takes a big mare to admit her mistakes, I nodded slowly, a smile slowly growing on my face.
“That was pretty good advice I guess,” I said aloud, little lemur sounds coming from outside the windows, followed by my three new little lemur friends hopping into the cot with me giggling.
“How are you guys doing? Did you keep safe from the storm?” I smiled when they all nodded their little lemur heads, one of them holding something, which he held out to me.
“Aw, is that for Augustus?” They nodded again.
I carefully took what looked to be a bit of coal from the little lemur with a hoof. “How about I go and give this to him, huh?” I got up as they made their little adorable sounds of what I thought was approval .
“He should be done with his shower now, right?” I muttered as I tucked the coal carefully in the pocket of my shirt after I put the thing on so I wouldn’t get it all over me. “I mean guys usually take like ten minutes to get in and out and its going to take forever to find him....”
So I walked down through half-familiar hallways and corridors until I heard the sound of water. “There you are,” I muttered to myself, walking down the long set of steps. “Now where is-” I froze as I entered the main chamber; apparently Augustus was still taking his shower.
Oh curd! I thought as I all but dove behind a boulder. I need to get outta here and let the guy finish. Oh sweet Celestia, I feel like I’m a peeper! I poked my head from behind the big rock to see that the human hadn’t noticed me. All he was doing was whistling a happy tune, oblivious to the fact that he was being peer on by a prime prefect Pegasus.
Hehe, that last bit rhymed
Now how am I going to to get outta here without him noticing me? I thought as I ducked back down to avoid him when he turned around, thankfully not getting an eyeful.
Alright, I’m going to have to wait for him to leave, so I guess…. I thought, moving over on the other side of the rock so I could get a little peeping view.
Don’t you judge me! Every mare, I dare say every female on this earth, will get a little curious when they see an alien.
Once again go ask your mother about that, she’ll tell ya.
My head cocked into the perfect creeper position as I stealthily looked at the human. Huh, I wonder why you can see all of those muscles? That really doesn’t look healthy… He does have a nice flank though, and-
“Did you get enough of your little eyeful, Daring?” I stiffened, my face exploding into flusteredness as I hid back behind the boulder.
I heard Augustus sigh. “I heard you as soon as you entered the room. I can smell that there’s coal on you too; is that for me?”
I slowly walked out from behind the big rock, keeping my eyes glued to the ground as I got closer to the naked human. “If you keep your eyes down then its going to take you forever to get to me. Come on, Daring, we’re both adults here, I’m sure you’ve seen someone naked…. Ponies are still usually naked right?”
My eyes skipped all of the interesting bits and when right up to his amused-looking face. He stuck an arm out. “Come on, get over here and let me see it. And for gods sakes, quit blushing; what are you weird about nudity too?”
“S-Shut,” I stuttered, my eyes slowly drifting downwards until I wrenched them right back up.
Augustus facepalmed, grumbling to himself. “I’m not mad, girl, just get the peeping out of your system,” he grinned, “I’ll even do a little spin for you.”
I blushed a little harder as I hoofed him the coal. “Are you sure it’s fine?”
“Aha.”
...I mean he did give me permission after all and it would have been rude to just say no.
“So is it alright that you’re muscles are like that?”
“Yep, humans have a thinner skins you can see everything if the muscle is work on enough.”
“Huh…”
“Yep.”
“...”
“...”
“So you do have some hair on your body…”
“Yep, a bit on my chest, groin, and even under my arms.” Now that he was speaking about the groin…
“...Why is it all dangly like that? Is it-”
“No, it becomes erect.”
“...The head looks weird.”
“I’ll take your word for it,” he chuckled a little bit. “It kinda looks like you think it’s pretty dandy,” he pointed at my wings, which I only now noticed were kinda, sorta stiff.
“Wellyoulookatthetimegottagobye!” I said, turning around and sprinting out of the giant bathroom.
“If you need to rub one out don’t do it in my room!” Augustus casually called after me, his laughter following shortly after as I continued to flee. I would have went back and kicked his flank at that but I was a little too busy being embarrassed as I ran until I was hidden in a small, dark room.
After a little red-faced heavy breathing and I realized a few critical things. One, that I was the teasee not the teaser, like I usually am. Two, that human, that dumb, silly, human had the gaill not be be bashful when I walked in on him.
Look at me of buck’s sake! I could be on the cover of Playclot if I wanted and he didn’t even cover himself!
Don’t you try to take my fire-y shots away from me, I’m fine. Now sit back down and let me get to the part where I decided to seduce the guy.
So there I was, my hooves crossed against my chest as I sat down on that cold, hard floor when I had an idea, a awful, horrible, wonderful idea. I, Daring Doo, was going to seduce Augustus, the dungeon master and possible monster.
Why would I do such a thing, you might ask yourself. Since you wouldn’t appreciate the ‘just for laughs’ or the ‘none of your beeswax’ or the 'I just wanna get laid' answers then the truth will have to do then, eh?
Well, on the practical level it kinda made sense. If someone likes you they’re more likely to spill the beans on certain ruddle-y areas. On a more personal level, and if you ever see a six-foot minotaur-looking guy with glowing eyes don’t tell him I said this, but… I guess I kinda, sorta liked the guy.
I mean other than the fact that he saved my life he was a pretty neat guy. I mean, most wouldn’t house my flank for more than a day or two without tossing me out…. And he helped me get started on my books; heck, I got laughed at for telling somepony about wanting to write a book last time…
Did I mention that I also thought he had some really nice flanks? Cause he does. You could flick a bit off ‘em.
I mean how hard can it be? I thought as I got up, walking out of the room with a small smile and a little bit of a pip in my step. The guy said that its been like forever since he’s seen another pony, all I'll need is a bit of flank-waving and he’ll be as good as mine.
But boy was I wrong.
I mean, in between me trying to figure out the riddle and me reading everything that Augustus had in Equestrian, I was trying my best to seduce him with my patented Daring Doo three-step seduction plan, so I was getting some work done.
I was a bit more touchy feely whenever I was around the guy. Then he’d always ‘accidentally’ catch me in intimate moments, like me just coming out of that awesome shower still dripping wet, or me bending over to grab something on the ground with my flank in his general direction. Then there was the most important step, getting to personally know your seductee.
This was always the tricky step but a stallion always warms up to you after you do this. Augustus wouldn’t tell me anything about his early years, saying that he either forgot or that it was a bit too personal, but he was happy to tell me other things.
I also told him a bit more personal stuff about myself, stuff like family and stuff like that, and I may have told him what I was gonna do with him when we got out of this temple.
Not like that! I wasn’t going to throw the whole ‘I’mma have sex with you’ thing too soon….You need to ease into stuff like that.
I was speaking more on the lines of us going to see all of the stuff that Augustus hadn’t seen. I mean seeing something is a heck of a lot better than reading about them after all.
So when I usually do that three-step foolproof plan it’s just a few days, a week at most, before we do the nasty. Heck, I got one of those Wonderbolt guys in like two days, his name was Glidin or something like that. He wasn’t a great lay if I remember...... liked to bring pies to the bedroom for some reason....
And that’s all I’m gonna say about that.
When I tried to do it to Augustus though, the whole thing kinda backfired. Every time I got close to the guy to rub up against him or something like that my hooves would hit air, which was quickly followed by me getting slapped on the flank, which was followed by him laughing at me and me running back to my ‘think room’ with stiff wings.
So step one went up in flames.
Then, whenever I was picking stuff up or turned my flank toward him he always turned the tables. Also whenever he bent over to pick things up….
Unf, dat flank….
UNNNNNNFFFFFFF
That would also lead me to running to the room, red-faced, even making the lemurs laugh at me.
I mean, guess step three worked, he did tell me stuff about himself like I said, but not in the way that I wanted.
I couldn’t even take the humans actions as a sign that he wanted some because of how messed up his view of things like personal space and what’s acceptable to do to your friends or even in public. He even told me that ponies back in the day were waaaaay more touchy with each other back in the day. Like the stuff they did was so touchy that you could consider it almost foreplay now.
So it was many a night that I laid on my little cot, irritated that I still couldn’t figure out the riddle, enthused that I learned a neat little tidbit on history that day, and mildly upset that the human wasn’t in the same bed as me.
Ya ya, Daring is a sentimentalists, shut your trap.
I mean, I could have just told him, but what fun is that? So I was just going to just wait it out and keep applying my little plan until he crumbled like a piece of wet paper… Or at least that’s what I said to myself for first two weeks.
Then, after those two rather easy weeks, the human started to play hardball.
Remember, I still didn’t know if he was purposefully messing with me, so when he started walking around shirtless, sweaty and shirtless, I didn’t know what to think. I mean you could see all of the muscles in his chest and stomach…. which I thought was kinda hot, especially whenever he was wet.
I tried to fight fire with fire, walking around naked with just my hat, but it wasn’t the same when you knew that there was only a thin bit of clothing between me and his dangly bits and he was standing….
Ya, you get the idea.
But I was able to control myself until the temple decided to be a bitch and let one of the vents collapse, making the temple, which was really cool in this humid hellhole when everything was working, into a bunch of awfulness, which led me to help Augustus to repair the bucking thing......
Author's Note
*Ahuizotl is that blue guy that fights Daring in the show.
Well, here's the kinda story part of this whole thing. The cookie part of this preverbal story that you have to deal with before you can get to the rich(not really), creamy(also not really) center that you all just kinda want to get to.
Also, is there a plot to this thing? Because I can't figure find one...
Daring Doo and Doing the Dirty with the Dungeon Master
Super happy fun times and the silly ending
“How much longer, Augustus?” I whined, flying down another boulder to sit with all of its brothers and sisters in a pile. “If I have to deal with this humidity any longer I’m gonna lose it.”
I heard a grunt, followed by coughing. “I’m almost done ya baby,” he said, poking his head out from vent. “You’re not the one that has to deal with this dust. Now go grab me one of those small support beams.”
I grumbled a bit, ruffling my feathers to try to cool myself a little and failing horribly at decreasing my hotness. Why I had decided to wear my clothes that day was beyond me. “Ya, ya, I’m getting it,” I grunted, picking a heavy bucking support beam and leaning it up so the human could grab it since it was way too heavy for me to fly up to him. “Remind me why I’m helping you again?”
“Because its hotter than balls in here and I feed you,” he replied, one-handing the wood before he disappeared back into the hole with it. “Now I need two more of those and we’ll be done.”
And we were done...After about like five more hours of work.
“That was the dumbest,” I muttered, eyeballing my dirty, sweaty fur. “Why does this always happen when I’m around?”
Augustus, who was shirtless and covered in a sweaty, nasty coat of dust from head-to-toe, said, “This happens every hundred years or so now, this is a very old temple after all.”
“Yay, but how am I going to get this dirt out of my fur?” I grumbled as I let him lead me through the temple. “I’m sure as heck not going to use that hot waterfall of yours.”
Augustus snorted. “The temples going to get a heck of a lot colder since the vents open again. You give it an hour, maybe two and you’ll be freezing your flank off.”
“Are you sure that things gonna hold up?”
“It’ll hold until I get some stone to fix it properly, now be lets get all of this shit off us.”
I looked up at him, an eyebrow raised. “What, do you have a pool laying around here or something?” I joked.
He looked down at me. “Actually, I do. It’s a floor under the bathroom; I usually use it to clean my clothes and sometimes do a bit of swimming.”
“Next you’ll be telling me that you have a game room,” I muttered, letting the human lead me into a big room illuminated by what looked to be glowing mushrooms.
“Watch out, the pool tends to sneak up on you in this dark.”
Splash!
The bucker got his seven chuckles when fell into his little pool with a yelp- which he should have warmed me a little sooner by the way- before getting out of his pants and hopping into the water with a splash, his laughter increasing when I broke the surface of the water gasping.
“You dick! Why didn’t you tell me about the pool sooner?!” I yelled, still sputtering as I glared at the almost naked human, who was doing a lazy lap around the pool.
“Sorry, I didn’t see it,” he told me.
“But you can see in the dark!”
He just chuckled again, floating on his back toward me. “Just be quiet and float around.”
I made some more grumbly noises, unbuttoning my drenched shirt and throwing it on the shore along with my hat. “Now its gonna take forever for this stuff to dry off…”
“You should have taken them off before jumping in,” Augustus said, grinning when I slugged his shoulder.
“Jerk…” I muttered, gently floating on my back beside him. I sighed contently as the two of us lapsed into silence, just the gentle hum of those weird mushrooms and the sounds of our breathing keeping us company.
“This is nice,” I said quietly, extending my wings in the water and enjoying the sensation of the grim coming off my body. “Hey, Augustus?” I turned toward the human, who had his eyes closed.
“Hum?”
“Are those mushrooms suppose to do that, that buzzing noise and that glowing and stuff?”
“Oh ya, I call those moonglowers. A couple of centuries ago I did a lot of crossbreeding with plants and that was one of the products. Its a good way to keep the darker parts of this place lighten up.”
“So they’re not going to do anything weird to me?”
“No, Daring, they’re not going to do anything to you.”
We lapsed into another silence for a few minutes.
“Augustus,”
“Yah?”
“I gotta a question for you, and remember, you don’t have to answer it or anything.”
He turned toward me so I could see his eyes, which shoned in the dim light. “Okay.”
“So you’re old right?”
“Yes.”
“Like super old.”
“Ahuh”
“And even though you really haven’t been outside this temple-”
“No, I’ve been outside this temple loads of times. You wouldn’t know it but there used to be a pretty big town about two days from here when the Everfree was a lot smaller.”
I frowned at that. “How big was it?”
“Not that big at all, more of a grove really.”
“So why did it get so big then?”
I almost felt him smile. “A tree got sick.”
I turned toward him, a confused look on my face. “A tree?”
“Its a very important tree, and it is also the basis for my little Everfree theory. Now the thing that guards that place….”
Now I was really lost. “Something like you guards some tree. Why?”
“Well, it used to until its artifacts were taken, but it still kinda hangs around.”
“Why?”
I could see Augustus smile. “You remember when I told you most of the dungeon master really weren’t monsters?”
“Yah…”
“Well, some of us are, and some of us have no business being in the Everfree.”
I shook my head. “Alright, I’m done, I’m sick of all of your ‘I’m a super smart wiseman and I know things you don’t’ thing.”
“Well, don’t you have your question?”
“Huh, what question?”
“The question you wanted to ask before you got sidetracked.”
“I got sidetracked?!” I shook my head and maneuvered myself so I was rightside up in the water. With a few strokes I was at the edge of the pool with Augustus following. Putting my head on the stones edge I avoided his gaze.
“Well, um, now remember you don’t have to answer this.”
He laid his head close to mine, looking at me. “Alright.”
“Now I don’t want you to get mad or anything.”
“Just spit it out.”
I tried not to blush as I forced my gaze to his. “Since you’ve been here a long time you must have done a lot of stuff.”
His mouth twitched at that. “Do you mean stuff or ‘stuff’?” I socked him again in the arm, trying not to shake it out as he stifled a chuckle. “Well if its stuff you’re referring to, then yes I’ve done a lot of stuff. If its the other thing, well…”
He grinned. “Let’s just say that I’ve been around the block once or twice.”
“The block?”
He his eyes narrowed at that, “Are you sure you’re a teacher? I mean a teacher has to hear stuff like that all the time, especially at a college....”
“What do you mean?! Of course I’m a teacher! I just wanna know what you’re talking about.”
“Well, you’re references might be a little bit different… But Faust got it when I told her that…” he sighed, “I’m talking about sex.”
I had to fight to keep my wings from moving but I couldn’t keep the blush off my face as he continued.
“Yah, I’ve gotten around with about every species on this planet,” he smiled as he reminisced. “Minotaurs, Diamond dogs, griffins, I even had a camel once. I always liked the diamond dogs, with with their long tongues and all. If you were okay with the wet dog smell they were really fun to get down here in groups with a minotaur and-”
You see, the problem with Augustus was, whenever you got him talking, he wouldn’t stop, even if he was talking about something that could really rile a mare up, especially when that mare might have a teeny crush on him.
So I did what any rational pony would do, I took charge of the situation and stuck my tongue down his throat, using the element of surprise to all but fly him onto the stone bank and falling on top of him as I explored his mouth.
I closed my eyes as I let out a little moan, my wings starting to stiffen as I played with the shocked humans tongue, not bothering to question whether he was okay with this or not. The human in question stiffened slightly before relaxing, letting my tongue explore.
Heh, I thought gleefully as I played with Augustus’s limp tongue. It looks like- What I didn’t know was that the human had led me along, waiting for a sign of weakness to strike.
Yes, I know I’m explaining foreplay like chess game, now be quiet, you're ruining the mood.
I squeaked when the human’s arms snaked out, running his hands through my feathers as his tongue simultaneously battled with mine, making my squeak quickly turn into a moan, my body just freezing at all of the sensations that were wracking my body.
I felt the human grin before he finally broke the kiss, the two of us panting as I laid my head on his chest.
“Well, that was...unexpected,” Augustus finally said, still gently playing with my stiff wings. I looked up at him, huffing slightly.
“Just be quiet and let me have my way with you,” I grunted, slowly grinding my marehood onto his thigh.
He chuckled, his fingers digging into my wings a bit harder, making me bite my lip. “Yes ma’am.”
With that my mouth crashed back into his, our tongues viciously attacking each other. I felt something poke my flank, making me smile as I grinded into him again, harder this time, the two of us moaning as a heat spread from my ladybits and went outward, said ladybits becoming wet by the time I broke the kiss, ready for more.
Panting and red in the face, I got up on shaky hooves and turned around, staring at the human’s little Augustus proudly standing at attention. Though it looked a little different from a stallions I couldn’t keep the smile from my face, licking my lips, situating myself so I was looking down at the throbbing cock before me.
“Ooooh, someponies excited,” I said with a little giggle, bopping his dick with my muzzle, making him groan eagerly. I smiled when I spied a little bit of precum leaking from the humans tip. “I bet you wanna mouth hug, huh big guy?”
“Just suck on it!” He complained, thrusting his hips upward. I let the thing bop my nose, my giggling intensifying before I blew on his tip, making him squarm uncomfortably.
“You know you’d think an old man like yourself would be able to handle a little teasing,” I taunted, using a hoof to gently stroke his underside.
It was kind of amusing when he tried to snort, it coming out as a moan-y grunt. “I could g-get,” he gritted his teeth when I gently touched his tip with a hoof, giving him a little stroke before letting him continue, “y-you off with one hand tied behind my back.”
I raised an eyebrow teasingly, “Oh? And how are you-” I was cut off from more teasing when Augustus’s hands shot up, firmly grabbing me wings and running those soft but firm and all around awesome fingers through my wings, eyes crossing at the sensation.
“You’re forgetting, girl, I know more about Pegasus anatomy than most ponies. Like if I do this-” I tried to keep from moaning by biting my lip but it didn’t help when I felt him bury his fingers into my secondary feathers and gently tugging them, forcing me around until I was sitting on his chest.
“Not so uppity now, heh, Daring?” He taunted, leaning up and gave me a peck on the cheek before he pulled me upwards until I was almost sitting on his neck. “Hum, someone’s excited,” he commented as he eyed my soaking wet marehood.
He threw me a wink before I felt his strong hands grabbing my flank and pulling me closer to him as I panted, gently blowing on my marehood, making me wince. This went on for a little while until I finally shouted, “Alright I get it, I’m sorry for teasing you!”
Augustus didn’t comment and I felt that more teasing was underway when I felt something trailing up my sex. “Oh buck yes!” I happily screamed, my hoof going to the back of the humans head as he almost angrily attacked my sex, using a mixture of kissing, licking, sucking, and even biting to send me into an awesome stupor.
“Y-You w-were r-right, A-Augustus, you r-really know w-hat y-ou’re- eep!” My wings extended almost painfully when he finally stuck his tongue into me fully, also using his fingers to massage and tug onto the swollen joints of my wings.
I threw back my head in a silent scream as that amazing tongue of his swirled around, my sex clamping down on him as the human eagerly lapped up my filly cum while I gently ground my pussy into his face, shuttering slightly as everything from his tongue to the unshaven hairs on his face brought me closer to my finish.
“HARDER, HARDER!” I commanded as I grabbed one of his hands and brought it down to my rump, Augustus getting the idea and groping me as he gently sucked on my button. Finally, in what seemed like an embarrassingly short amount of time, I was at the finish line.
“DON’T YOU DARE STOP, HUMAN!” I yelled, my sex clamping down on his tongue as I reached my peak fast and hard, pleasure racking my body as I came, Augustus holding me still as he lapped up everything I send his way.
With a happy sigh I slumped forward, breathing heavily on Augustus’s lower stomach as the human’s tongue gave me another quick cleaning, making me moan softly again as I looked up at him.
The human gave me a little grin, licking his lips as he chortled, saying, “You ponies taste just as sweet as I remember, though most of them lasted a good bit longer,”despite still basking in my afterglow I frowned as he continued. “You sure this isn’t your first time, Daring?”
Oh no he didn’t! Now this wasn’t just about sex! Now my sexual prowess was at stake!
“I-I’ll show y-you,” I murmured, forcing myself back on shaky hooves, staring at my soon-to-be most favoritest cock in the whole world.
I took a deep breath, enjoying the musk that the human was giving off as I stuck my tongue out and gave his head a little lick, savoring the taste as he groaned. “Hmmm, salty,” I said, gently blowing on his cock again, said cock twitching as another glob of precum leaked down his head.
Make fun of my stamina will you? I thought as I positioned my mouth over my human, Augustus stiffening as I slowly, teasingly wrapped my mouth around his tip, giggling as he groaned.
I gently began to suck, getting a feel for the cock as it were, my tongue slowly swirling to collect whatever precum I tasted as the human gritted his teeth, trying to keep himself from thrusting his hips into what I was sure was one of the best blow jobs that he had ever experienced.
I giggled, fondling his balls with a hoof, slowly beginning to bob my head up and down his cock, being careful not to take to much of him into my mouth as I felt the humans hand go to the back of my head. I gradually began taking more and more of him until I was hitting base with each bob, my tongue still swirling around his veiny member, Augustus beginnning to gently thrust into my mouth.
Heh, I’m better at this than I thought, I thought gleefully when I felt his cock throb hard, his whole cock flaring slightly as more and more precum leaked out of him.
Sensing that he was close to his finish I went into overdrive, sucking hard and groaning, the human’s hand leaving the back of my head with his thrusts gaining more force, his cock throbbing harder and harder until I felt his balls tighten, my eyes widening as I felt the first spurt of cum hit the back of my throat.
I stopped my bobbing, just content with running my tongue all over my cock as the human sent spurt after spurt of cum into my mouth, me greedily swallowing everything until Augustus’s head laid back down on the floor, his eyes closed with a smile on his face. I also did the ladylike thing, my tongue doing one last swirl to check if I missed anything, it would have been a waste to leave any of that sperm after all .
Even though I kinda didn’t want to, I let his softening cock go with a wet plop, turning myself around and laying my head on the still panting humans sweaty chest. “So how was I for a first timer?” I mocked, Augustus chuckling and wrapping an arm around me, running his fingers through my mane.
“Well, Daring, I can honestly say that you’re a cocksucker,” Augustus said, the two of us giggling at the joke as I laid a wing over him.
“Well you’re a cuntlicker, buddy,” I shot back, closing my eyes and expecting the two of us to pass out in this embrace, you know, like what happens in the movies. Fortunately, that didn’t happen.
I gasped when I felt hands grab my flank and began squeezing, and looking up I still saw that there was still lust in the humans eyes. “Now what are you doing, Mrs. Daring? I’m not done with you.”
I couldn’t help but grin at that, my wings slowly unfurling as the human’s member regrew in length. “Are you sure you’re ready for another round with the Daring?” I challenged, slowly getting to my hooves and shaking my rump in his face.
Augustus snorted, rolling over and getting to his knees and began to stroke himself to full hardness. “Don’t ruining the mood , ‘The Daring’, now how do you wanna do this?”
I answered by giving him a saucy wink and lifting my tail out of the way to expose my marehood. I smiled when I saw the human licked his lips and made his way over to me.
I let out a little moan as I felt his hands gripped my flanks and gently lifted me into position as I moved him out of the way to grant him access. “You ready, Daring?” Augustus asked making me looked back at him, my face flushed and my heart thumped in my chest.
“Aha,” I lamely said, biting my lip when I felt the human run his cock’s head along my lips before he slowly, almost agonizingly entered me, my walls clenching tightly him, the two of us moaning.
Wow, I was a little iffy about that weird conehead-shaped dick of his a first, but sweet Celestia! My lust-filled mind thought as Augustus, panting, finally bottomed out in me. I let out a happy sigh as I felt him twitch inside of me. “Oh~!”
“Are you alright, Daring?” The human breathless asked, concern laced in his voice.
I shook my head rapidly. “I’m fine,” I assured, grinding my flank into him. “Just keep going for Celestia’s sake!”
Instead of answering to me I felt him adjusting his grip on my flanks before he slowly started to pull out, making my whine. “Come on, harder! I’m not going to break!”
“If I’m not careful I could break you,” the human almost snarled at me, his fingers digging into my flank. “Now shut up and let me do a couple of test thrust on your loose ass.”
My eyes twitched as I flexed my muscles as hard as I hold, almost trapping himself inside me as he moaned. “Loose?”
His eyes widened slightly, probably regretting his very poor choice of words. “I-I didn’t-”
I silenced him by tightening even harder, biting I lip as I felt every vein on him.
“Alright! I’m sorry! Just loosen up!” Augustus begged, making me smile, letting him go.
“Now fuck me!” I snarled, slamming into him hard.
The human gritted his teeth, starting a slow but firm pace, making me bite my hoof in pleasure as he lifted me slightly, his cock rubbing against my wall hard as my filly cum made the ride almost frictionless.
“For buck’s sakes harder you bitch!” I moaned out, thrusting my hips in time with his thrusts, enjoying the wet slapping sounds when I went weak in the knees. Augustus snarled, his thrusts becoming harder and faster as he held my back legs up, pleasure coursing through me as he twitched hard.
“Come on, big guy, I’m almost there!” I almost screamed, almost violently slamming back into him as I raced to the finish line. With a final moan I stiffened, my wings flaring as I clamped down on Augustus hard, my orgasm crashing over me as the human continued to thrust, gritting his teeth as my insides massaged him hard.
“Daring where-”
“Inside you bucker!”
I felt him twitch harder, his cockhead flaring as, with a final thrust, he came. I gasped as I felt the first burst of his seed shoot into me, the human hilting as he groaned, sending load after load into my wanting cunny.
I let out an unhappy sound as the human pulled out of me with a wet plop and rolled onto his back with a groan. “Are you already done?” I tiredly mocked, making me way over to him and falling into his chest with a groan.
“Just give me a few minutes, miss hot stuff, and I’ll be ready to fuck your brains out again,” the human replied, wrapping his arms around my lower back. “You know, you should have just told me that you liked me.”
Despite everything that happened, I couldn’t help but blush, looking down. “... I should have huh?” Real smooth, Daring, I thought to myself as he started to scratch my ears.
“Well, I gotta say I’m kinda honored, I mean its not everyday a guy become the apple of such an awesome ponies eye.”
My blush deepened. “R-Really?” I asked looked up at his grinning face.
He gave me a little peck on the lips. “Of course, smart, passionate, and just all around fun to be with? Sounds like a catch to me…. Though you’d be better if you were funny…”
I slugged his shoulder. “Shut your mouth.”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” Augustus replied childishly, sticking his tongue out at me.
I couldn’t help but giggle, laying my head into his chest and closing my eyes, the two of us lapsing into a comfortable silence.
Until the human finally broke it.
“Hey, Daring,” he said as he ran his fingers through me mane. “You didn’t hear this from me but you might want to go and see if that jar of knowledge is as heavy as it was before.”
I looked up at him, blinking. “Really? All somepony needed to do was…”
He shrugged. “The answer to the riddle is supposed to be love, or sex, I can’t remember. If you would have brought a coltfriend or something and it would have worked.”
My face got a little red again. “I didn’t have a coltfriend or anything back home… But now?...”
He chuckled, kissing me on the top of the head. “I’d be honored.” he said, me letting out a little sigh of relief. “Now how about we get cleaned up huh?”
…
Canterlot, a month later…
I couldn’t help but smile as Augustus looked around the Canterlot train station with wonder. “Neat huh?” I asked, giggling, dumping him with my rump.
“It’s weird not seeing just trees still,” he replied, the two of us ignoring all of the gawking ponies, making out way toward the castle. “So did you send that letter to the Princesses?”
I nodded as the castle came in view. “Yep, they said that they were excited to see-”
“AUGUSTUS!” A voice roared, cutting me off as the human was tackled to the ground.
In a flash I had my Whipsy out, ready to clock the bucker who attacked my coltfriend, turning to see princess Luna, her hooves wrapped around a laughing Augustus’s waist.
Needless to say I was sorta confused.
“Loony, it’s been ages, I mean look how big you are now!” Augustus said, wrapping the giddy alicorn in a hug. “How have ya been?”
My eye twitched when the princess giggled like a filly, letting the human up and giving him a little nuzzle. “We have been fine, Augustus,” she said, “We see thee have been freed from thou’s curse.”
He looked at me with a wink before scratching the princesses head. “That graverobber of yours knew what she was doing. Say, where is your sister?”
“Right here, Augustus.”
I turned around, quickly bowing when I saw that it was princess Celestia, flanked by two royal guards.
Augustus grinned, spreading his arms out wide. “Now, Tia, that’s no way to greet a guy that’s kinda your godfather. Now come on and give me a hug.”
My eye twitched again when princess Celestia, Princess Celestia, giggled like a school filly, trotting over and wrapping the human in a big hug. All-in-all it was one of those gushy-mushy, so-sweet-that-it’ll-rot-your-teeth-out kind of thing, but when I princess turned toward me I couldn’t keep the smile off my face.
“Daring Doo,” the princess said as Augustus started petted Luna again. “You have my thanks for freeing a family friend from his curse, but, if I may ask,” she licked her lips, “Did you retrieve the artifact?”
Even though I was a little thrown off during the whole thing that was going on I nodded my head, gently taking the jar out of my saddlebags and presenting it to her. “The jar of knowledge, as ordered!”
The princess grinned, taking the jar out of my hooves and staring at it almost reverently. “Finally, after all of these years….” She popped the top of and reached a hoof inside as everyone in the street- there were a lot of ponies staring at us- held their breaths as she pulled out a piece of paper.
“I finally have the greatest chocolate-chip cookies recipe in the world!”
I swear to Celestia when the princess said that the world stopped to look at her in confused shock. “...What?” One of the guardsponies asked, blinking owlishly at the giggling princess.
Augustus was the one who clarified. “Fabricante de la Galleta was considered one of the greatest cookie maker’s to have ever lived,” he said while still playing with Luna’s ears. “After she died the Marian’s built a temple in her honor. I came to guard the thing a few centuries later.”
“...So I was sent to get a cookie recipe?” I asked, bewildered. Both of the princesses nodded, my eye twitching now in outrage.
“Alright!” I snapped after a minute of two thinking everything over. “I’m done!” I threw down my hat and started walking away to-
Hum, what?
Oh, ya, Augustus and I are still going out.
Yep, I’ve just been tugging you along for free booze, now since I’ve told you most of my little story and I'm thoroughly plastered I’ll be going.
Crash!
Hey… Could you do me a favor and carry my drunk flank home?
HEY! where are you going?!
Author's Note
For some reason this last bit reminds me of an old porno...
Well, with just a bit of editing something I don't think is great is done. If anyone cares I'll be doing a diamond dog one shot or maybe a fleur de lis one...
Whelp, time to get started on the next Chapter of 'What is Love'...
