Appledashery

by Just Essay

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Rainbow Dash, Romance, Random, Adventure, Main 6, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 931684

Rainbow Dash lives an exciting life and is swiftly becoming the most daring, awesome pegasus in all of Equestria. She would gladly give it all up, though, just to confess her love to Applejack.

Rainbow Dash has it all: a life of mystery and suspense, ups and downs, adventure and calamity. As time goes by, she finds herself swiftly becoming the most daring, awesome pegasus in all of Equestria.

She would gladly give it all up, though, just for a chance to tell Applejack how much she loves her.

Cover art by DarkFlame

Published 2013-12-04 06:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-15 06:26:02 UTC

Pegasus Health 502

“Textbooks, as I’m sure, still call it Pegasopalitine Atrophy. I’ve always called it dayum annoying. Supposedly it’s genetic, which means the only reason you get it is because life stinks and you’re bound to be a pegasus born with it. My dad had it, and so did his dad before him. My great grandfather as well. Modern medicine has done wonders to the pony body, which means my dad was able to last long enough to--well, y’know--have me through my mom. He lived until halfway through my flight school years… but I use the word ‘lived’ in relative term. He was in the hospital for most of my teenage years, stuck to a bed, barely able to move.

“I really don’t want to go into a lot of detail about what my dad went through. He was the coolest stallion in the world. He was strong, handsome, dashing--and I wish to remember him like that. He took care of me and gave me all the attention that a single parent could… much less a parent with the withering strength of a diseased invalid. The day he died was something that I saw coming from a continent away, but it didn’t crush my heart any less. My life kind of hit the pits after that. I bailed out of flight camp. Bummed my way across Equestria. Crashed at one friend’s cloud home or another. Got into some… less than awesome company…

“Anyways, my bad. I did say that I wouldn’t ramble about my dad and all the stupidness that followed his death. All you need to know is the whole… y’know… Pegasopalitine Atrophy crap. I’ve seen over a dozen different doctors about it throughout the years, and they all explain it in a different way to me. Apparently it only hits one in every three hundred pegasi. My family’s case is a pretty severe one. Level… uh… three, I believe. What it means is that I start losing muscle control in my legs. And once full paralysis sets in, there’s a second stage where my immune system takes a nosedive, and then I’m vulnerable to… y’know… all the nasty-wasties that want to infect the body.

“I started showing symptoms of Pegasopalitine Atrophy at age… eleven, I think? It was after I got my cutie mark, which kind of put a damper on things. But not really. I mean, my dad and I both figured I would get the short end of fate’s stick at some point. So, I tried not to be too shocked when it started happening to me. Little things, at first, y’know. Like feeling a tingling sensation constantly in my legs whenever I moved around, or suddenly not being able to grip a toothbrush like I used to in the crook of my hoof.

“Thing is, I’ve always been an athlete. Like even more so than my dad and my dad’s dad. You could ask anypony who knows me; I’m in peak physical condition. Fastest pony in Equestria for a reason. Some physicians tell me that the reason the Atrophy hasn’t gotten to me nearly as bad as my dad is because I’ve always been exercising my limbs, giving the disease--like--more muscle to wear away or something.

“But it goes deeper than that, really. I’ve kind of always had this… pathetic Rainbow family death disease crap hovering over my head. And instead of being freaked out by it, I figured I’d challenge that nastiness head on. So, knowing that the wings are the least affected part of a pegasus afflicted with the disease, I put all of my exercise into pushing my flight skills to the limit. It wasn’t that hard to do, really. I mean… heh… I was flying before I learned to walk. Very few ponies could master flight as young as I did. I’m not just boasting--it’s the honest-to-Celestia truth. For a while there, my dad was certain the curse had skipped a generation. Later, we learned differently, of course, but it was an uplifting thing for a long while.

“Well, all of that wing-work didn’t go unrewarded. By age ten, I could pull off the sonic rainboom. In my teenage years, I was breaking flight school records… mmm… until I-I dropped out of flight school completely, that is. Ahem. And nowadays, not only can I pull off amazing flight moves in my sleep, but I’ve found that my wings are super useful in any situation… but most especially when the Atrophy hits me full force.

“I mean, I can’t stress this enough; I use my wings for everything. I find hovering to be a heck of a lot more comfortable than walking… or even standing. It’s like my life has no gravity, y’know? Wind or no wind, low or high air pressure--it makes no difference. I’m set for life so long as I have plenty of feathers to flutter with.

“So, that said, if the Atrophy took just my legs away… I think I could live with it. I know that sounds like a horribly lame thing to say… eheheheh… see what I did there? Ahem. But the truth is, I’ve never really been much for legwork anyways. Flying is my life. I live, sleep, and dream in the air. I’ve always been comfortable with it, and I always will be. A lot of times, when I’m around my friends, they wonder why I’m hovering all the time. It just so happens to be how I like to get around. But there’s more truth to that. If I stood around my friends long enough, I’d collapse from exhaustion. Keeping myself off the ground with my wings sort of eliminates that risk.

“But we both know that it goes beyond dead legs, don’t we? Keeping aloft by wings and feathers isn’t gonna save me from losing my immune system once the Atrophy hits me full-force. Sure, at the rate at which I’m fighting this crud, I’ll likely outlive my dad. But that isn’t saying much. And lately, it’s just been getting… getting so annoying bad. Like, there are days when I can’t even make my bed, or open a door without using my mouth, or pick up the simplest of small things.

“I’ve been taking prescription medicine that… like… staves off the effects of it. But each time I go in for these pills, the nurses and doctors are constantly giving me the evil eye, wagging their hooves at me n’crud. ‘You’re going to kill yourself at this rate!’ and all that nonsense. Only… nnngh... it isn’t nonsense. They want what’s best for me, and I know that. It’s just that I don’t like the option that they’re giving me.

“There’s an operation, you see. A really delicate, expensive, crazy experimental operation. A bunch of unicorns in Canterlot thought it up, and--as you probably guessed--it involves unicorn magic to perform. It doesn’t exactly eliminate the Atrophy. I mean, I’d still have the crud in my system, and only time and observation would tell if the procedure does anything to preserve my nervous system.

“But, since Level Three Pegasopalitine Atrophy doesn’t affect a pegasus’ wings--only her legs--it’s possible for the unicorns to use magic and… like… transfer the energy from the wings into the legs. It involves a bunch of mumbo jumbo about ‘leylines’ and ‘equine essence transference’ and other stuff. But, basically, it means all of the weakness that was in my legs would be… well… balanced with my wings.

“This is supposed to be a good thing. And, in a lot of ways, it totally is. It means that the unicorns would save my legs from turning to strips of useless meat. And, more importantly, it means that my immune system would be saved from diving off the proverbial cliff.

“But… at a really sucky cost. My wings are everything, Zecora. They’re… like… what define me. They’re what got me my cutie mark, and they’re what made me believe in myself when my dad was wasting away and… and… well… nnnng, let’s say that I’d rather be dead than give up the awesomeness in my wings. It doesn’t help that the Canterlot doctors are thinking of altering the procedure so that they magically transfer all of the strength of the wings into the legs. That way, the sickness is contained completely in the wings alone. So, what happens to the appendages next? You guessed it. ‘Snip snip.’ Or, in my case, ‘crkkkkk-kkkk!’ That was me impersonating a bone-saw, in case you couldn’t tell.

“So… uh… yeah, no. I’m not about to give up my wings just to live my life like a earth pony with only half her strength. That is the mother of all suck. All my life, I’ve never surrendered to a challenge. I don’t care how bad or dangerous or life-threatening this disease is. There’s gotta be another way out. There’s gotta be a way to win against this thing.

“And if there’s anything I’m heck-bent on in this life, it’s winning…”

Risk, Trust, Stripes

“Guess there’s no sense in fakin’ it,” Rainbow Dash looked up from where she sat on the stool in the corner of the hut. “You’re a pretty snazzy zebra, Zecora, and it’s kind of a weight off my shoulders to tell you about all this… to tell anypony about all this. I mean, Fluttershy knows all about it, but… she and I are a lot closer than the rest of my friends might think.”

Rainbow gulped.

She continued, “What really brought me here, though, was a notion… perhaps a stupid notion. You’re really good at potion making. Almost freaky good. Twilight’s always talking about how you continue to amaze her. And if that super smart bookworm of an apprentice to Celestia is wow’d by you, then I am to. So… I… well…”

The pegasus fidgeted, rubbing her shoulder with the opposite leg.

At last, she spit it out. “This medicine that I’ve been on… the pills that I’ve taken to stave off the deadness in my legs’n’all? According to Nurse Red Heart, the effect is wearing off. Not only that, I’ve… uh… n-not been too good in spacing out my dosage.” Rainbow Dash grimaced. “I kiiiinda sorta took twice as many as I should have in half the time--back during the Iron Pony Competition several months ago. And just now, while I went on--er--a ‘business’ trip, I took a bunch. Because--like--my legs kept giving out on me, but I needed to use them very badly. I needed strength. Like… I don’t want to go into a lot of crazy details, but my life depended upon it. As well as the lives of other ponies. When I told Nurse Red Heart, she freaked out on me. She implied that I was--like--becoming addicted to the stuff. But that’s totally not it!”

She bit her lip and rubbed her shoulder harder.

“At least… at least I think that’s not it.” Rainbow looked up. “I just want my legs to work fine, Zecora. And I can’t… I refuse to give up my wings. A life without flight?” She gulped, then finished in a dull tone. “I might as well be dead.”

The hut filled with silence.

“How interesting, your plight with this Atrophy.” Zecora angled her face with a curious squint. “You really haven’t shared it with anypony?”

Rainbow shook her head. “Just Fluttershy, my doctors… erm… and n-now you…”

“Hmmm…” Zecora smiled slightly. “I am touched that you would share a secret so dear. But your problem remains unsolved, I fear.”

Rainbow’s ears instantly drooped. “Oh.” She gulped. “For real?”

“For your ailment, a permanent solution is paramount. There being a cure among my herbs, I doubt.”

Rainbow hung her head--only to have it tilted up by Zecora’s hoof.

“But do not give into dismay. I feel for the pain you’ve shared this day. Though I may not have a brew that will wipe your sickness gone, I’m certain that I can make the fate more prolonged.”

“You… you are…?” Rainbow murmured.

Zecora leaned back, nodding. “It will be a test for both of us, you see. Come…” She trotted calmly towards a table and slipped on her saddlebag. “Trot along, my feathered pony.”

“Where are we going?”

“A most auspicious potion, I shall make. But a rare ingredient, it will take. There’s also slight risk…”

“Risk?”

Zecora nodded. “And we must take care. But I do suppose you are a courageous mare.”

“Pffft! You kidding?” Rainbow Dash smirked wide. “‘Courageous’ is my middle name!” She blinked, then bit her lip. “Erm… along with ‘danger’ and ‘professionalism.’”

“Hmmmm…” Zecora smiled. “I think I will settle for Rainbow.” She opened the door to her hut and marched out. “Well, into town we go.”

“Wait… Ponyville?” Rainbow made a face. “We’re going into Ponyville for the ingredient?”

“Why yes, that we must.” Zecora paused to glance back at her. “Do you have my trust?”

“Is this the ‘risk’ part you were talking about?”

Zecora’s eyes merely squinted.

Rainbow sighed, then fluttered down to pat the zebra’s shoulder. “Hey… lead the way, marefriennnnd.”

Together, the two headed slowly towards the village beyond Everfree.

Talking Everfree Syndrome

"So tell me, my fellow pony Rainbow, your friends know not what afflicts you so?"

"Hmm? Oh, you mean the whole atrophy thing? Uh... well, Fluttershy does, like I mentioned before."

"You and her are close, I see. Like winged pony family."

"It's a lot more complicated than that, Zecora. But, yeah, I owe Fluttershy so much. She may be a super wuss in the pegasus department, but she certainly knows how to carry my weight around... so to speak. Heh. Strong girl is strong. I'm a bit scared that I don't tell her enough..."

"Curious—What wisdom does she have to impart on the risk of your paralyzed body and heart?"

"Eh... I guess she doesn't dwell much on it. Most likely because I don't. I mean, I suppose there're some facts that I... er... h-haven't completely one hundred percent divulged."

"Oh?"

"Like, she knows what sort of a number the disease did on my dad, but she's been led to believe—kind of like I have—that I'm somehow a golden exception to the rule. I guess we both secretly hoped that my super awesome wingpower is a sign of... like... some celestially granted immunity or some crap."

"I had assumed that it was no surprise; your wingpower is simply a result of constant exercise."

"True that. Fluttershy's the first pony to tell you that she's seen me training night and day during our foalhood. Even when I hung out with her, I was always flying, especially when she was too weak to. Heh... there were times when I would just spin circles around Fluttershy until she'd squeak like a mouse and threw up. Come to think of it... I'm not sure why I ever once found that funny. Heh... foalhood, am I right? I think it was her voice. Every time she vomited, it sounded like gravel being channeled down a garden house. Wait... uhm... what were we talking about again?"

"You are always aloft in the wind, especially when around a friend."

"Oh. Yeah. That. I guess that's a habit I just couldn't shake. I totally mean it: I'm super comfortable when I'm hovering. I almost enjoy flying more than I do sleeping. I kid you not. I'd nap in mid-air on my way to school. It was funny until the one day I woke up with my body lodged neck-deep into a chunk of Cloudsdalian Cloudstone."

"Uh huh..."

"But, like, with my friends here? In Ponyville? My super awesome super cool super rad new best friends? It's... just something they've gotten used to just as much as me. Like—no joke—if I'm standing around the likes of Rarity or Twilight on my own four hooves for too long, they start to freak out and ask if I'm ill or something."

"So they think that something is off if you are not constantly aloft?"

"Hey, we all gotta have a trademark, don't we? Mine is never touching the ground. I was doin' that hovering biz well before... y'know... the atrophy started hitting home runs up and down my spinal column. Now I do it to... t-to blend in, I guess. My friends are nonethewiser. I guess it's dirty cruel to lie to them in that way. But I'd rather be a total poser in this case than an utter lame-o... if... if that makes any sense."

"Heheheh... I fear for when your feathers give slack, and suddenly your friends find you fallen on your back."

"Oh, I've prepared for something like that in a thousand million ways. 'Whoops! You did it again, Rarity! Your shiny frills have thrown me off balance!' Or 'Darn it, Pinkie! Stop bouncing so close! You're like a friggin' cyclone!' ... Yeesh, now that I think about it, it's almost like I'd be blaming them for something that wasn't their fault. That ain't cool."

"You are evidently concerned of losing the image that you've earned.'"

"I... guess...?"

"Just an observation on my part, nothing to take seriously to heart."

"Well, it's more than just my image, Zecora. My friends...? They're a swell bunch of ponies, but they're also... well.. th-they're mostly ont he 'weak' side. I swear, a day doesn't go by when I'm not freaking out over what kind of stupid thing might march out of Everfree and rip them to shreds. Uhm... no offense to you or any of your Everfree neighbors, of c-course."

"Indeed..."

"Twilight's super smart, but not street smart. You can smell the Royal Palace hallways in the conditioner she uses. I'm scared she's going to bite off waaaaaay more than she can chew one of these days. And then there's Pinkie Pie. Girl's super cray-cray, but in an awesome way. Still, it doesn't change the fact that she's pretty much an oversized filly at heart, and that's a sugary recipe for disaster if there ever was one. Rarity and Fluttershy kind of fit in the same category of 'oh my friggin' gosh I'd better have a backup plan in mind for diving a million miles per hour and sweeping them out of the way of any number of stupid explodey dangers.'"

"Your anxiety's alarming, and yet your loyalty is charming."

"Eh... it balances out, I guess. I don't fret about my friends all of the time... and yet I do. I'm totally not blowing the situation out of proportion. The truth is I do have to come to their rescue a lot of the time. They've come to expect it like gravity. The world's a freaky, scary place—and even freakier and scarier to the few ponies in Equestria who are carrying the Elements of Harmony in their... erm... bosoms. Goddess, I hate that word. I don't know why Rarity says it all the time."

"What of the fifth of your friends? Upon you she also depends?"

"Hmmm?"

"You've spoken in great length about four. I presumed there was one mare more?"

"On mare more... oh... ohhhhhhhh yeah. Hmmmm...hehe... yeah... one mare more, Zecora, one mare more..."

"... ... ... ...?"

Shaman in Common

Rainbow Dash hovered in place, her cheeks rosy as she stared at the tree branches hanging low. After a few seconds she blinked, tilted her head, and looked down.

Zecora was gazing steadily at her.

Rainbow bit her lip. "Uhm... my bad. I kind of zoned out there." She gulped. "Didn't get much... uh... sleep last night. Yeah."

With a nod, the zebra turned and trotted beyond the Everfree Forest's edge. "I don't think it's exhaustion that leads you to distraction."

"Look, uhm. What I was trying to get at was—"

"Your loyalty to your companions is beyond compare. You are certainly one extraordinary mare."

"Eheh... yeah, sure." Rainbow gulped as she followed Zecora into Ponyville city limits. "That's certainly nice of you to say. But y'know, Zecora, you're pretty darn snazzy yourself."

"Truly...?"

"Totally!" Rainbow nodded, drifting right above her. "I mean, you're selfless, smart. You've got this wicked cool accent. You always have a fix for ponies and what ails them."

Zecora's muzzle scrunched at that.

"Well, most of what ails them," Rainbow said, gazing dully at her dangling hooves.

"I've always felt that the harmony of life is best preserved through the least amount of strife."

"Still, I bet you could buck the strongest pony into next year if they put up a fight!"

"Better to avoid conflict lest much pain I intend to inflict."

"True. True. But don't sell yourself short, girl." Rainbow winked. "You're one strong filly."

"And does Rainbow Dash judge ponies on how they act out a grudge?"

"Well, no. Fighting isn't everything. It certainly isn't magic. Just saying... you're a capable, dependable pony." Rainbow Dash fiddled with her numb forelimbs. "That's something I've always admired."

"I believe you absolutely. No doubt it's something you strive to be."

"Er... yeah. Sure." Rainbow Dash gazed over the rooftops at the hazy farmlands west of town. "We'll just run with that."

"Well, I certainly appreciate your admiration, not to mention your knack for conversation."

"Say, could I ask you something?"

"Certainly."

Rainbow squinted down at her. "Why do you talk in a rhyme all of the time?"

"Hmmm?"

"Don't be coy." The pegasus smirked as the two passed the first row of houses and shops. "Zebras can't be all about poetry and lyrics n'jazz."

"I fear music is not one of my strong suits, regardless of what most ponies think of zebra roots."

"I just wanna know: were you—like—cursed by some sort of Evil Dire Rhyme Sphinx when you were foaled or something?"

Zecora chuckled, smirking as she trotted along with her saddlebag. "I'm sorry to disappoint your colorful imagination. My mode of speech is simply a social mechanization."

"Uhhhhh..."

The zebra clarified, "Zebraharan natives are bound by one voice. To speak in another is an unorthodox choice. We believe in blessing all races with our alchemic ingenuity, but such a practice is best performed with utmost humility. Thus, we formed the Shamanistic Code so that our talents won't make us too bold. By forcing all foreign words into a careful rhyme, we uphold the local culture's language as sublime. This reinforces kindness and respect while also keeping our hubris in check."

"So... this shaman business..." Rainbow Dash squinted down at her as the two entered the Ponyville marketplace. "It's sort of like being a traveling monk?"

"Indeed."

"Did you choose this place? I mean... was it your idea to come to Ponyville? Or was it decided back at... uh... the STC?"

"STC?"

"Yeah. Shaman Training Center? I guess?"

Zecora laughed. "Rainbow Dash, don't be brash. There simply is no such place. A group of elders decided in my case."

"Soooo... Ponyville wasn't your choice when you set out?"

"Choice or not, I've been glad to serve here, even if I was initially greeted with much fear."

"Yeahhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head while wincing. "I'm really, really sorry about that."

"All apologies have long been said. I'm simply glad to have moved beyond typical pony dread."

"Yeah. We're a skittish bunch of melon fudges, aren't we?"

"You appear to be quite the exception, if I might make such an objection."

"I try." Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Being different is kind of a hooves-off job, though."

"Of that, I can relate. But I'm quite fine with my reclusive fate."

"I dunno how you handle it. Being alone in the Everfree Forest all the time. It must drive you batty."

"It has its highs and its lows, but lonesome isn't how it always goes." Zecora flashed a smile. "I've had an enjoyable time speaking with you, and I feel more than fate drawing me to prepare this brew."

"Well, great... right?" Rainbow Dash fidgeted slightly. "But... uhm... we are going to make a brew, right?"

"All in good time, my feathered friend. Upon a specific ingredient we do depend."

"Yeah? What ingredient is that—?"

"Shhhh..." Zecora gestured politely for silence as she trotted up to a thin spectacle'd stallion standing behind a market vendor.

Sapphire Spin

"Golden Gaze, we meet again," Zecora said. "I hope your hooves are on the mend?"

The stallion looked up from his jarred wares and adjusted his goggles. "Oh, Zecora! Good afternoon!" He bowed slightly. "Why, yes, I'm feeling a lot better! Your potion certainly was a life-saver! I had to trot to and from home four times in a row last week, and I managed to do so without collapsing!"

"It pleases me to know that we've cured your gout. A merchant shouldn't have trouble galloping about."

"I'm telling you, girl, you're a life-saver." The stallion placed down a clipboard that was in his grasp. "Lemme guess..." He smirked slyly. "You've come for payment?"

"Golden Gaze, we've already been over this. No payment I require aside from your healthy bliss." Zecora nevertheless smiled. "What brings me here is your experience in trade, for I have myself a new potion to be made."

"Oh, and I'd be happy to help!" Golden looked up, his spectacles reflecting a pair of blue pegasi. "Lemme guess, Rainbow Dash is your delivery pony?"

"Uhm... actually, I'm here because—" Rainbow's ruby eyes suddenly bugged, and she spat, "Yes! That's exactly why I'm around!"

"I'm making new apprentices everyday. It is simly the shamanistic way." Zecora winked. "Now, allow me to test your brain, my handsome friend. Have you ever once encountered an ingredient called 'Sapphire Spin?'"

"Hmmm..." The stallion tapped his chin several times. "Sapphire Spin... Sapphire Spin..." Suddenly he gasped. "Oh! That must be the Zebraharan name for Star Spider silk!"

"Star... Spider...?" Rainbow Dash blinked.

"A rare breed of arachnids indeed," Zecora said, giving her a passing glance. "But what their spinnerettes make is what we need." She turned back to Golden Gaze. "The Sapphire Spin is very hard to keep from dissolving, save that an application of alicornia dust is applying."

"Any master unicorn enchanter can provide you with the alicornia dust. But as for the silk itself..." Golden Gaze suddely jolted, then smirked. "Actually..." He turned and reached both forelimbs into a pantry residing behind his market stand.

Rainbow Dash craned her neck curiously.

The stallion pivoted back, heaving a tray of jars onto the counter. "Nnngh... Check these babies out." He pointed at the multiple glass containers. "Spider silk. Petrified silk worms. Moon flower root."

Zecora nodded. "Quite a remarkable collection. I trust they passed Ponyville inspection."

"I wasn't the one who brought them in here," Golden Gaze said with a smirk and a shrug. "A travelling band of griffons carried them into town. I traded them this for a old centrifuge I had. To be honest, I was just glad to get rid of that piece of junk, so this is an immediate profit." He pointed. "I'm willing to bet that one of these things is the Sapphire Spin you're looking for. After all, griffons like to roost in the high mountain ravines where star spiders tend to spin their nests."

"You have no need to bet, dear friend." Zecora pulled out a jar from the tray, full of tiny blue fibers. "Once more, you've come through in the end."

"Well, consider it on the house, Zecora."

Rainbow gave him a double-take. "Whoah, really?"

"You kidding?" Golden Gaze smirked before nodding at the zebra. "She's single-hoofedly saved my career with her cure-all. If she needs that stuff to make a potion, then by Celestia, she can have it. Somepony somewhere's gonna benefit."

"It goes without saying that I intend to go about some manner of repaying." Zecora slid the jar into her saddlebag and faced him. "If it's true that you cross paths with griffon kind, then samples of Everfree feather oil I can easily find."

"H-hey! That'd be terrific! Everypony knows griffons would kill for that stuff! Erm..." He smirked up at Rainbow. "Figure of speech..."

"Don't worry," Rainbow droned with thin eyes. "I know my griffons..."

"I'll bring some of the oil by your stand next week." Zecora smiled. "That should bring a smile to any winged traveller's beak."

"You really don't have to pay me back for the spider silk stuff, Zecora," Golden Gaze said. "Not this time, at least." His eyes narrowed as he pointed. "It was pure chance that I was sitting on the stuff today, and if you want to make the substance applicable in a potion, you've got to hit up a master unicorn magician for the alicornia dust."

"Of that, I'm quite aware," Zecora nodded. "And I know just whose gifts I can share."

Rainbow blinked at her. "Wait. You do?"

"Now, I can order more of the silk from my regular traders in the future. But that's when it's going to have to cost you." Golden Gaze leaned back with folded forelimbs. "There's a group of merchants in the northeast who harvest the Star Spider silk, but the stuff doesn't come cheap. You'll need one hundred bits per shipment at least just to get the stuff carried to Ponyville by wagon."

Rainbow's jaw had nearly dropped through the earth. "One hundred bits?! But that's... that's..."

"I will come to you if that is necessary. But for now, we cannot tarry." Zecora waved at the stallion as she turned around and made for the center of town. "Keep in good health, Golden Gaze. And may your profits be continually raised."

"Heh... with you around, Zecora, you bet..."

Rainbow Dash bit her lip as she stared back at the stallion. She flapped her wings harder to keep up with the zebra. "So... like... how is this star spider silk gonna help us—er... me?"

"One thing at a time, Rainbow Dash. Without the alicornia dust, these fibers are pure hash."

"Am... am I going to have to swallow stuff that came out of a star spider's butt?" Rainbow Dash clutched her belly as she wretched in midair. "Unnngh... bleachkkk... why's every zebra fix gotta be so... so... frothy?"

"There is nopony making you drink any brew," Zecora said. "After all, there is much for you to consider before you do."

"Like what? Are these the risks you were talking about?"

"Patience, my prismatic friend. Upon an expert unicorn we currently depend?"

"Yeah? Like who?" Rainbow winced. "Oh jeez... Twilight? Zecora, I'm super glad that you're going out on such a limb to help me, b-but I'm sure you know by now that I don't want my buddies involved in making me this potion—"

"Shhhh..." Zecora smiled as she led a blinking Rainbow past a familiar treehouse. "That is not the unicorn you're thinking about. For the alicornia dust, we must take a more starry route."

"Huh? 'Starry?' Darn it, Zecora, my head is so full of fuzzies right now!"

"Do not mind the fuzz. It is simply what shamanistic rhyme does."

"Arrrrghhh!"

"Heheheh..."

Not a Sparkler, But an Incredible Simulation

"Alicornia dust...?"

Amethyst Star looked up from a microscope in the middle of her work bench.

"You came to the right pony! I happen to have plenty of the stuff lying around. Now, tell me, is a pony sick?"

"Erm..." Rainbow Dash fidgeted with her numb hooves.

Zecora trotted into view from the far end of the alchemy shop. "In truth, Amethyst, this is simply a test. I am in the process of experimenting with a new brew, and only a meager sample of alicornia dust will do."

"Hmmm..." The mare's muzzle scrunched up. "Well, I'm all for helping you, Zecora, but unless you have a clear medical case that you're using the stuff for, my business can't apply the honorable Equestrian discount."

"Of that, I am quite aware. To go about it any other way wouldn't be fair. However, I am presently low on both silver and gold. Perhaps in exchange for rare items the dust can be sold?"

"Well, that depends, Zecora. What do you have in that saddlebag of yours, there?"

"Only the best of my odds and ends. I'm certain something will assist your alchemic trends."

"Well, now that you mention it, I've got a pickle of a project that I'm working on. You see, I've been commissioned by Filthy Rich to find a way to neuter parasprites. Apparently his daughter wants one for a pet, but you know how dangerous that could be."

"Nnnngh..." Rainbow Dash rubbed her muzzle, sighing.

Amethyst blinked up at her. "What, not a fan of parasprites?"

"It's not parasprites that bother me," the pegasus muttered.

"Neutering parasprites, quite the undertaking!" Zecora smiled. "What sort of progress have you been making?"

"Actually, I've come to an impasse," Amethyst Star said with a sigh. She shuffled dully around her laboratory, checking on various vials full of frothy potions as they lingered over burners. "Parasprite hormonal glands—as it turns out—are full of highly adaptable bacteria, which serve as the constituent makeup of parasprite reproduction. The microcellular tissue is constantly mutating at random, and only when given an electromagnetic signal from the insect host's nervous system do they decide to combine into a newly formed creature. I've tried coming up with acidic compounds that would kill the bacteria count until they're too few to properly mold a brand new offspring."

"Perhaps the solution is not in diminishing their population stock," Zecora said. "But rather making them impervious to electromagnetic shock."

"Hmmm?" Amethyst Star turned, blinking. "Like how? I've tried injecting the organic solution with electrically non conductive materials, but I'm afraid of producing something that would kill the parasprite itself from the inside out."

"The key is to use something from nature's supply." Zecora winked. With a smile, she reached into her saddlebag and produced a rattling jar of hard spheres. "Take, for example, a sample of cockatrice eye."

"Cockatrice... eye...?" Amethyst's lips pursed as she picked up the jar with her magic and levitated it towards her. "There're... so many inside this container!" She bit her lip and glanced at the zebra. "Zecora, I know it's none of my business, but have you been galloping around the forest, h-hunting cockatrices?"

Zecora chuckled, summoning a blinking expression from Rainbow Dash. "Nothing of the sort, my diamond friend. I only take that which Everfree creatures lend. It so happens that cockatrices go through eyes like spent feathers. One can find their organs lying everywhere like marble treasures. Why, a single adult goes through more than ten a year. As a result, I've collected far too many eyes, I fear."

"That's remarkable..." Amethyst Star murmured, studying the eyes up close. "I fear that I need to catch up on my biology."

"But what use are the cockatrice eyes in... y'know..." Rainbow Dash shrugged. "...robbing parasprites of their mojo?"

Zecora pointed at the vials on Amethyst's work bench. "The petrification power of cockatrices is stored inside. A nullification affect they're bound to provide. Add a sample of tissue to the parasprite juice, and you'll undoubtedly find the reproductive ability cast loose!"

Amethyst Star squinted at the jar, then blinked up at Zecora. "Do you mind...?"

The zebra shook her head. "Not at all."

Amethyst uncorked the bottle and slid out a single hardened eye. Taking it over to a metal tray on the edge of her table, she floated over a tiny chisel and an even tinier hammer. Chipping at the heart of the eye, she snapped the glass-like marble open, exposing the meaty inside. Rainbow Dash fought to hold her lunch while Amethyst took a sample of the muscle mass and dropped it into one of the vials.

The bubbling froth instantly dissipated, and the solution stopped bubbling, even when exposed to the burner's heat.

"Incredible..." Amethyst cooed. "This just might work!" She gazed over at Zecora. "You know what this means? Parasprites that can't breed! They'll be the first of their kind to be domesticated! Much less studied without fear of overpopulating an environment!"

"Yeesh..." Rainbow Dash winced. "I'm not sure Equestria is ready for something like that."

"Oh, what could possibly go wrong?" Amethyst stifled a giggle and looked Zecora's way. "Zecora, I hate to be a bother, but... uhm... would it be okay if I borrow these eyes for a while? I think I may actually be onto something here."

"It would be my pleasure to assist you." Zecora smirked. "I assume some dust I have accrued?"

"Oh, absolutely!" Amethyst trotted up to a shelf, climbing a ladder with kneading hooves like a happy cat. "In fact, I'm certain a fairly large sample would be fitting in this instance!"

"You are too generous—" Zecora began.

"Uhm... Sorry to be the proverbial idiot here." Rainbow Dash flew down, waving a hoof. "But were any actual alicorns hurt in the process of getting this stuff? I'm not against neutering parasprites or gouging the eyes out of cockatrices, but—"

Amethyst Star giggled. "Don't be silly, Miss Dash." Amethyst shimmed down the ladder with a jar of glittery compound floating alongside her. "Alicornia dust refers to the material of a unicorn's horn: alicornia." She smiled. "Much like a pegasus sheds feathers, a unicorn loses parts of her horn—albeit over a much more prolonged period of time."

"Wait..." Rainbow Dash winced. "You mean my friend Twilight sheds her horn?"

"Erm... I do believe I've mislead you with that analogy..." Amethyst Star chuckled nervously, then pointed at her own glowing skull. "The alicornia is constantly growing throughout a unicorn's lifespan, but it's too slow to notice. Twice a year, there's a regularly timed growth spurt, during which flakes of the horn's outer layer... uhm... needs to be scraped up."

"For real?" Rainbow Dash gulped. "No offense, but, ew."

"Heh... I know, right? It's a slightly sensitive conversational topic amongst unicorns. Talking about it used to be downright taboo in the Pre-Classical Era. But, these days, we recognize it as a simple process of unicorn biology, and the basic components of... erm... the horn shavings have magical properties."

"Wait, if that's the case..." Rainbow Dash squinted. "Then how come the 'alicornia dust' is so crazy expensive?"

"Well, by Equestrian law, the shaved bits have to be donated by the respective host unicorn. Furthermore, only a master level magician is allowed to enchant the material and turn it into refined dust. In this particular case, yours truly," she said with eyelashes batting. "Heehee... But this magician is more than certain that Zecora will make good use of the enchanted sediment. Lemme guess, trying to work together a new healing salve?"

"Until I know the potion has a working chance, I cannot pretend to take a medical stance." Zecora nodded. "It was a pleasure bartering with you. I'll be sure to relate the success of the brew."

"Hey, whatever it is, I've got full faith that you're doing Equestria and Everfree a favor." Amethyst Star waved as the two ponies trotted out of the alchemy shop. "We should have tea sometime, Zecora, so you can tell me more about your natural remedies."

"Oh, absolutely."

Rainbow Dash hovered low and whispered in the zebra's ear. "I'd say neutering parasprites is a big enough favor to the world."

"Rainbow Dash, do not jest. Surely pigeons are an even bigger pest."

"Heheheheh... Celestia, don't get me friggin' started..."

Wuh Oh

"You know, I kind of dig this in a way, really." Rainbow Dash smiled awkwardly from where she hovered alongside the zebra. "It's like 'a day in the life of Zecora.' I don't even need 3D glasses. It's all right here in front of me... in its striped spectacularaconica."

"That is quite the interesting declaration," Zecora said with a calm smirk, carrying the Sapphire Silk in one saddlebag and the enchanted alicornia dust in the other. "And ponies say they don't understand my exclamations."

"For real! You do so much for this town of ponies. I thought I appreciated it—but I didn't. Not really. Not until I got a grasp of the time and sacrifice you put into stuff like today."

"Your admiration is certainly flattering, but that doesn't necessarily mean progress is happening." Zecora breathed in deeply through her nose. "The potion is in its experimental stage. Only once it works can we turn a new page."

"Yeah. I guess." Rainbow nodded as the two passed through the town's marketplace in the setting sun. "And then there's that 'risk' you keep warning me about, right?"

Silence.

"Right?" Rainbow still wasn't answered. All of the sudden, her dangling legs bumped into Zecora's flank. She jerked to a stop, squinting ahead of her. A big red mass had blocked the two ponies' paths.

Zecora gulped. "Big Macintosh, what a fortuitous meeting. I take it that you are retiring for the evening?"

"Eeeyup." The large stallion calmly smiled, as he was currently in the process of stacking multiple boxes into his wagon. Half of the day's fruit had been sold. The other half were to be taken back to Sweet Apple Acres.

Zecora adjusted the weight of her saddlebags. "Quite a few apples I see you have sold. I presume today's been profitable, if I may be so bold?"

"Mmmm..." The stallion paused to shrug.

"Well, fortune certainly favors the strong at heart..." Zecora briefly fumbled for words, and then her blue eyes brightened. "Perhaps of your business I could take part!"

Big Mac glanced at her curiously. His green eyes reflected a pair of golden bits. Without saying anything, he grabbed a canvas bag, stuck half-a-dozen apples in it, and tossed it her way.

She easily caught it with a saddlebag, then pivoted back to hoof him the money. "Here—It is only fair for that which you share."

A warm chuckle flaoted through the stallion's mouth. "Nope." Big Macintosh winked, hitched himself to his wagon, then bowed slightly.

Zecora gulped again, then smile. "Your generosity is most sublime. I'll be certain to pay you back another time." As she said this, a rosiness spread warmly between her stripes.

Rainbow Dash blinked. Hovering in place, her eyes darted to Big Mac, back to Zecora, then back to Big Mac.

"Well, a pleasant trip home I wish to you," Zecora said in a breathy tone. "A family that's strong is a family that's true."

"Mmmmm—Eeyup." He smirked, bowed one last time, and trotted away briskly with the wagon.

"Uhh... see ya, Big Mac!" Rainbow Dash waved after him. "Good luck with... erm... being a stallion n'all." She turned back to Zecora. "Well, that was certainly swell of him, wasn't it?"

Silence.

"Zecora?"

The zebra was staring after the stallion. Her body rose, then deflated with a heartfelt sigh.

Rainbow raised an eyebrow so sharp it nearly sliced her own brow. Inhaling, she next coughed into the air of the melting sunset. "KAFFstarspidersilkKAFF."

Zecora jolted in place. "Yes! Most certainly!" She nearly tripped on her own hooves as she twirled about, facing the edge of town. "We must return to my hut hastily!"

"Riiiiiight..." Rainbow Dash gulped. "Uhm, Zecora?"

"Hmmm?" The zebra merely hummed, her muzzle loose with a limp smile as she trotted her way eastward. There was an undeniable spring to her step.

"Uhm... n-never mind..." Rainbow Dash murmured. "After you, girl." She lingered behind, turning to gaze towards Sweet Apple Acres. Scratching her head, she shrugged, then bolted east to catch up with the neighborhood shaman.

Zebravention

"To begin, I shall prepare a careful sample. With time, I may brew something more ample." Zecora sat on a stool before her alchemy table in the center of her hut. "To make it easy to consume, a jar of goat's milk should help you ingest the alicornia dust and spider silk."

"Uhmm..." Rainbow Dash grimaced visibly from where she hovered over the zebra's shoulders. "I don't suppose there's any chance this is going to taste any good, huh?"

"Hmmm..." Zecora rubbed her muzzle, then smirked. "If a good taste you must insist, then an ingredient of cinammon can be added to the list."

"Heh..." Rainbow Dash nodded with a smirk. "Now we're talking." She cleared her throat. "So, when do I start guzzling, huh? Am I safe to fly home tonight, at least?"

Zecora took a deep breath. "Rainbow Dash, my enthusiastic friend, a great deal of time waiting you will have to spend."

"Huh?" Rainbow blinked crookedly. "A great deal of time? Like how much time?"

"For me to get this potion just right, you will have to wait overnight."

She did a double-take. "Overnight?! You mean all this time, even with bartering around town, you knew that I'd have to wait until tomorrow to sample this cure?"

"Unless you've forgotten, Rainbow, it's not a cure, but simply a means of giving your nerves the proverbial spur." Zecora spun on the stool with a calm sigh. "And even if I could let you drink it tonight, I'm afraid it wouldn't be quite right. Yes, it takes time to brew this potion true, but the real reason for delay is centered upon you."

Rainbow leaned back, blinking. "Me?"

The zebra nodded. "There are plentiful risks involved, as you've heard me imply, and I want you to consider them before giving the potion a try."

"Like what kind of risks?" Rainbow waved her forelimbs. "Zecora, I need to be able to use my forelimbs again! Whatever the case, I'm willing to deal with it!"

"Your zeal is most appreciated," Zecora said. "But the side effects have not been anticipated."

"Like... wh-what kind of side effects?" Rainbow's voice cracked.

"As you know, a key ingredient is star spider silk. Those arachnids, I'm afraid, are made of the most perilous ilk." The pony gestured with her hoof as she spoke. "Their venom can paralyze a grown mare. It can even kill a pony if they don't take care."

"Yeah...?" Rainbow cocked her head aside with a curious squint. "But I'm not gonna be swallowing the spider's venom, right? What's the big deal?"

"The spider's venom is far too potent for even its own body to take. So, for the sake of chemical balance, a new compound did nature make." Zecora pointed at the jar of blue fibers. "The silk of a star spider contains a stimulating agent. When present in the creature's body, it keeps the spider cognizant. Other creatures who consume the fibrous strands will experience excessive stimulation of their brain, organs, and glands."

"Oh, I get it." Rainbow nodded. "So—like—that's what'll bring the sense of feeling back into my legs."

"But at a cost, I'm afraid to say," Zecora said. "The compound could affect your preception in a negative way."

"Affect... my perception?"

Zecora's blue eyes hardened. "Hallucinations, Rainbow Dash. From casual delusions to visions most brash." She shrugged. "There is no way to tell, but you could end up suffering a horrible spell."

"Oh..." Rainbow's ears folded. "Really?"

"That is why I'm preparing a small sample to start. If you fair well, then of a larger potion you can take part. Odds are, you will only benefit from the potion. Yet still, there's a chance it could shatter your psyche and emotion."

Rainbow Dash grimaced. "But—like—not permanently, right?"

"Permanently damaging? That is highly doubtful," Zecora said, shaking her head. "But the consequences could still be quite the hoofful. Now you might understand why I hesitate. I want the implications of this potion to resonate."

"I... I still need to go through with this, Zecora," Rainbow said in a quiet, foalish tone. "I-I wouldn't have come to you in the first place if that wasn't the case."

"What you need, Rainbow Dash, is abundantly clear." Zecora gazed at her with a sad expression. "Your doctors and nurses have already shown you, I fear."

Rainbow Dash bit her lip, then gazed off into the corner of the hut.

Zecora stood up from the stool and trotted quietly towards the hovering pegasus. "That operation that you so terribly dread is the one thing keeping you from ending infirmed or dead. I know that you detest the costs that come with the notion, but you'll find no better avenue with any brew or potion. I'm preparing this initial quaff to help your ailing body, but future samples will cost time, resources and money. Star spider silk doesn't just show up everyday. To find more, a great deal of bits you'll have to pay. If I was in charge, Rainbow, I'd not charge you one bit. But beyond my reach you'll find yourself in want of it. You'll be living your life scrounging from the bottom of the barrel for a limited thing that dangerously mixes chemicals into your marrow."

Rainbow sighed. "So... what you're saying is that—in the long run—I'm still down to one choice?"

"Logically, safely, economically...." Zecora nodded in a somber fashion. "It is far from using your limbs freely. The price of ingesting the potion will surpass the cost of its creation, and this is assuming your mind can withstand the tiny sample that's at hand."

Rainbow glanced between the zebra and her alchemy table. "What... uh... what do you suppose I should do?"

Zecora reached a hoof up and brushed one of Rainbow's forelimbs. "Go home, sleep, and meditate on what I've said. Return in the morning when you've drained all sleep from your head. If by sunrise you still wish to take this next step, then I assure you the potion I'll faithfully have prepped."

Promise

Rainbow Dash's eyes were full of stars.

She sat on the stoop of her floating cloud home along the eastern fringes of town. The cold veil of night had fallen, and the glittery expanse did little to bedazzle her bittersweet countenance.

With a sigh, she closed her eyes and tilted her head back, allowing the dark mirth of her mind to mingle with the resonating rhyme of Zecora's words.

She was given a night and a day to think about remedy that the zebra was brewing—if the potion could truly be called such. The pegasus was so used to the ongoing battle with her muscles that she never once contemplated a struggle with her mind. After all, her head was the last thing she ever exercised on a regular basis, so it threw her entire world into a spin to imagine losing her faculties in such a manner.

There was also the issue of expense. Between her not so busy job as a weather flier and her annoying career in ordinary grunt delivery, she couldn't even remotely eke enough income to cover one hundred bits per potion. Just how much would she need to ingesting the brew for her legs, anyways? Once a month? Once a week? Once every day? Could her body handle it—or her mind for that matter? She hadn't even taken the sample yet. For all Rainbow Dash knew, she was flying skull-first into violently unknown territory.

Sighing, Rainbow Dash tried to stand up. She had gone for an entire day without taking medicine, and she could feel it... in that she didn't feel anything. It took heavy flaps of her wings to pick her body up like a doll and carry it into the depths of her home.

Once she reached her bedroom, she practically threw herself into her bed. Comforted by the silken embrace of her sheets, she surrendered to gravity. Only then did Rainbow find the strength to move her forelimbs, but the whole sensation left her feeling pathetically fragile, like a starved princess lying sideways on a shelf along several other porcelain figures.

Nevertheless, she fidgeted and squirmed until she hugged her pillow to her chest. Gazing deeply into the shadows, Rainbow sniffled and nuzzled the pillow... then nuzzled it again, clenching her eyes shut. As her heart and body settled, the bed felt warmer, and from the depths she summoned a golden face, along with a freckled smile.

"I could lose my legs... lose my mind... and lose all my bits..."

Rainbow gritted her teeth and ran her fuzzy cheek softly across the pillow in quiet, loving strokes.

"But if it means someday winning you... then it won't be so bad..."

The edges of her eyelids grew moist. Gritting her teeth beneath her lips, Rainbow threw the bedsheets over herself with her wings and hid in the dark cave that her duvet made.

"I swear to Celestia, I'm not gonna end up lame. I'm going to be strong. Just... just like you..."

As the night crept in through the window and walls, Rainbow said nothing... nothing but six words—murmured sweetly into the softness enveloping her. When she fell into slumber, her lips were frozen in something resembling a smile. It carried her darkly into morning with a loyal embrace.

Flutterdawn

It was morning at Fluttershy's cottage. The pegasus in question was going about her animal friends' regular feeding cycles, flying from tree to tree, bush to bush, and ebb to ebb of the babbling brook that flanked her home. She hummed, relishing in the warm air of the twinkling dawnlight. Once she had emptied her latest basket full of breadcrumbs, she turned from a gaggle of geese and flew back towards her home—only to bump into a fuzzy blue chest.

"Eeep!" Fluttershy leaned back, startled to see that—while she flew in place—it was the other pony who fell to the grass instead. "Oh my goodness! Rainbow Dash, I had no idea that you were there!" She leaned down from where she hovered, hoof outstretched. "Please do forgive me."

"Nnngh... it's n-nothing..." Rainbow Dash winced, her hoof slipping when it attempted to grip Fluttershy's. She finally bit her lip, wrapped two fetlocks around her friend's limb, and awkwardly pulled herself up. "Nothing for you to be sorry about, Flutters. For real."

"Uhm..." Fluttershy fidgeted with the basket in her grasp. "What you brings you by my cottage this morning? Is everything okay?"

Rainbow squinted. "Why wouldn't it be okay?"

"Well, it's so early and at this time you're usually sleeping and—"

"I did that. Slept like a rock. Now I'm here."

"I can see that." Fluttershy smiled. "Would you like me to feed the squirrels? I'll serve you some tea later as a way of saying thanks."

"Sure, I'll help you with the squirrels. Though I'm not much of a tea fan..."

"Oh! Well, I'm sure I can scrounge up some biscuits and jam instead—"

"Look, Fluttershy, before we do anything else..." Rainbow Dash hovered forward and planted her hooves on the mare's shoulders. "I wanna ask you something."

"Oh... s-sure. You know you can trust me with anything, Rainbow."

"Dang straight. Nothing more in Equestria needs an excuse to wanna beat you up."

Fluttershy's pupils shrank. "What... th-thins in Equestria already h-have an excuse—?"

"In all the times you've known me, have I ever cheated?" Rainbow Dash asked, looking at her squarely.

"Cheated?"

Rainbow nodded.

"Well, uhm..." Fluttershy glanced aside, biting her lip. "Oh dear. I-I don't think you're going to like this answer..."

"Give it to me straight, Flutters." Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. "I can take it."

"It's just that..." The caretaker grimaced, but ultimately said, "At the Iron Pony Competition a few months back, it was... a b-bit obvious to everypony that you were using your wings as an unfair advantage over Applejack."

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, nodding towards the babbling brook beside them. "Yeah. That was pretty sucky of me, wasn't it?"

"Ohhhhh!" Fluttershy covered her flustered muzzle. "Please don't be mad at me for saying that! It's just that you asked and I-I wanted to be honest like a good friend and—"

"Do you think any less of me, Fluttershy?" Rainbow asked. She gulped. "For ch-cheating... that is?"

Fluttershy slowly shook her head. "No, Rainbow Dash. You may not have been showing some colors to be proud of that week, but I still knew you were my friend beneath all of that. Your loyalty has more than made up for all of your mistakes. Besides..." She giggled lightly, smiilng. "We both know you had a reason to act differently than normal. It was a competition with Applejack, after all."

"Yeah..."

"Uhm..." Fluttershy squinted. "You... were infatuated at that time... weren't you?"

"I don't think I knew what I was..."

"Rainbow Dash...?"

Rainbow looked up, jaw tight. "I refused to believe that Applejack was stronger than me, and so I cheated. Little did I know that I was only ripping a hole in my chest for me to look through and see my own heart."

Fluttershy blinked. "That is either the sweetest thing I've ever heard or the silliest thing."

"Wanna hear something sillier?"

"I'm game."

Rainbow Dash shuddered. "I'm pretty sure I'm about to cheat again." She gulped. "Only, this time, I know that it's because Applejack is stronger than me... and it's all I can do to keep up with her."

"Rainbow, I..." Fluttershy wince. "I'm afraid you've lost me on that."

"That's fine." Rainbow Dash nodded. "I just wanted to tell somepony."

"Tell me what?"

"Don't freak out, but..." Rainbow patted Fluttershy's shoulder. "If for some reason today... or for the next few weeks you see me acting strangely, just know that I'm... uh... exercising."

"Exercising?"

"Yeah. And I'm not going to stop until I've got something to prove."

"To who? Applejack?"

"To her. To myself. To the thought of her, perhaps." Rainbow gulped. "To be perfectly frank, it's a bit scary. But... maybe that's what makes it count."

"How do you mean?"

"If it's something I'm scared of doing..." Rainbow looked up with an awkward smirk. "Then it doesn't count as cheating, does it?"

"Uhhhh..."

"Anyways, I gotta jet. I have an appointment with Zecora in less than an hour."

"Zecora...?!"

"Yup. See ya!"

"Rainbow... just a second... I..." Fluttershy wrung her hooves together. "You're starting to concern me."

Rainbow Dash blinked at her. She hovered down, leaned in, and nuzzled the mare in a friendly way. "I want you to listen to me for a second, okay?"

"O-okay..."

"Things are a bit dicey right now. My legs are running away from me. I'm running out of bits. And ponies are trying to dissolve my home. But you know what?"

"What?"

Rainbow smiled gently. "I can't remember a time when I've felt this... this... chillaxed."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Which is why it would really, really suck..." Rainbow glanced off towards Everfree. "...to lose my mind while I'm feeling this buzz."

"Buh?"

"But anyways, I'll grab some acorns and feed the squirrels along the way. At least they've got an excuse to be nuts, right?" Rainbow Dash flew off with a billowing tail. "Zoop!"

Fluttershy blinked after her. Gulping, she trotted nervously back to her cottage. "I wonder if Celestia accepts prayers in the daytime..."

Sour Power

"So... the long and short of it is this..."

Rainbow Dash turned around, sighed, and stared calmly at Zecora from across the hut.

"Maybe I'll find a cure, maybe I won't. But I'm at a point in my life where I need my legs to work, Zecora. I've got a lot of important things to sort out, and I can't do it while sitting on my flank. Besides, who's to know? Maybe they'll invent a newer procedure that can fix me without costing the strength in my wings. All in all, I'd rather die a winner than live as a loser. So... are you going to give me the sample or what?"

"Are you sure you have thoroughly thought about this?" Zecora arched an eyebrow. "I cannot promise infinite bliss."

"We both know it's only a temporary fix," Rainbow Dash said. "And I dunno at the moment how I'm going to get the money for the ingredients... but... I'll think of something." She smiled calmly. "I work the best when under pressure. Stress is like extra adrenaline for me."

"Of that, I have no doubt. I couldn't have expected you to choose a different route."

"Then it's settled, isn't it?" Rainbow Dash took a brash step forward. "Lay it on me, Zecora. I'm thirsty enough as it is anyway."

"You fear not the hallucinations you will have wrought?"

"I've had pure celestial Harmony channeled through my skull and have drowned myself under the table with gallons of cider." Rainbow inhaled deeply. "I'd say my head has been in worse places."

"Then answer me this, Rainbow bright," Zecora spoke. "How do you evade the marsupials' sight?" Her nose fell off, turning into a black puddle on the ground.

"Uhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash blinked, leaning back. "Zecora...?"

"Are you not fond of dressing in style?" Apples poured out of Zecora's snout, followed by a pair of oranges hooves. A freckled-face mare ripped the zebra's skin off and stood in the orchards, smiling. "Have yerself a seat and mingle for a while!"

"Uhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash backed up into an apple tree—an apple tree that tapped her shoulder. She spun around.

"I know you love her, scamp," Rainbow's father said, his face pale with gangrene. "But don't let her kill you."

"Guh!" Rainbow Dash sat up straight as a stool rattled beneath her haunches.

"Ah! You awaken!" Zecora turned from her alchemy table and trotted across the floor of the hut. "Your nap is over, if I'm not mistaken."

"Nap... nap..." Rainbow Dash gulped and sweated. She blinked. "Nap?"

"You did not get much sleep last night, if I recall your explanation just right." Zecora ran a hoof across the pegasus' forehead. "Hmmm... no fever, from what I can tell, though you do seem to be having a sweating spell."

"It's... k-kind of warm in here," Rainbow Dash muttered.

"An Everfree hut has little air conditioning." Zecora knelt and stared squarely into Rainbow's eyes. "Tell me, Rainbow Dash, how are you feeling?"

"I... I..." Rainbow cleared her throat and put on a brave smile. "I'm pretty well-rested, believe it or not."

"No strange visions or awkward hallucinations?"

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow stared at the zebra's dark nose.

Zecora squinted.

"Nope!" Rainbow grinned wide. "I mean, why should I? I haven't taken a sip of the sample yet!"

The zebra cleared her throat.

Blinking, Rainbow glanced down at the floor. An empty drinking bowl lay beside the stool she was sitting on. "Oh. Huh. Didn't taste as bad as I thought."

"You've been sitting here for the better part of an hour. In your slumber, you've likely forgotten a taste most sour."

"Well, at least it didn't kill me... right?" Rainbow took a deep breath. "But... like... does it work?"

"A most fitting query." Zecora trotted over to a pile of logs. Suddenly, she hoisted one up with her nose, tossed it into the air, and bucked it with her hooves. "You tell me!"

"Gaaah!" Rainbow Dash flinched. Seconds throbbed by. She fluttered her eyes open, then looked at her hooves. She had effortlessly caught the heavy beam of wood in her forelimbs, and was presently holding it above her.

Zecora could only grin.

Rainbow Dash blinked, then glanced at her. "Awwwwwwww yeah..."

Flank Over Elbow

"Are you sure about this, Scootaloo?" Apple Bloom asked with a trademark tremble. "This is your third time trying for a cloud cutie mark. Maybe you should just give it up and try something else."

"Pfft! Give it up?!" I smirked back at her and slid a pair of goggles over my eyes. "Giving up is for losers! I'm a winner, like Rainbow Dash!"

"Yeah, well, Rainbow Dash is kind of sort of alive," Sweetie Belle chimed in. She and my other friend stood—trembling—side by side at the top of the hill behind a stack of hay. "And I'm sure she didn't need a scooter to gain altitude!"

"Pfft! Don't rub it in!" I turned and stared down the steep hillcrest beneath me, my eyes tracing their way towards the outrageous ramp of wooden plywood planks that I had constructed an hour ago at the base. "I'm going to reach those clouds—and when I do—my cloud-walking cutie mark is gonna be cinch!"

"If you say so," Apple Bloom murmured in a wavering voice.

I couldn't help but gulp. "I kn-know so." Taking a deep breath, I gripped the scooter's handles hard and pushed off the hillside. "Here goes nothing!"

"Just be careful—!" Apple Bloom began, her voice being cut off as Sweetie Belle gave a high-pitched shriek and hugged her desperately, refusing to look.

I lost sight of them; I lost sight of everything. I was rocketing down the hillside so fast that my yelping voice trailed behind me. "Whoahhhhh crud crud crud crud crud crud—Crudsicles!" My heart leapt as I reached the bottom of the hill, and milliseconds later I was being propelled upwards, shooting off the ramp like an orange comet. "Whoah! Heyyyyyy!" I smiled into the weightless moment. "This is totally awesome—"

And then... something called gravity.

"Oh snap!" I flinched. My scooter gave out from underneath me. The world spun, and all I could see through my goggles were houses and chimneys. I curled up into a trembling ball. "Don't snap! Don't snap!"

"Whoahhhhhh there, champ!" A blue blur swooped in, snatching me up just seconds before I became roof paint. "It's one thing to go up with style, but it's another to come down with substance!"

I gasped, feeling strong, warm forelimbs around me. "Rainbow Dash!"

"Heh..." A fuzzy blue face smirked from the edge of my vision. "Nice ramp. You've got guts, kid. Just don't splatter them all over the town, ya hear me?"

I gulped and bit my lip. "Right. I-I just wanted to get some wicked air."

"Well, why didn't you say so?" Whoooosh! Suddenly, sky devoured us, and we were piercing through its blue belly with a wicked corkscrew.

"Whoahhhhh!" I exhaled, my ears folded back from the windblast. "Hah hah hah—Yeah!"

"That ain't nothing!" She effortlessly tossed me into the air, twirled beneath me, and caught me on her backside. I held on for dear life as she reared her hooves and flapped her wings even harder. "I like to call this one the 'Hayston, We Have a Problem!'"

The world spun no less than a dozen times as we zig-zagged our way through cloud after cloud. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom—I'm sure—would have long thrown up by now. I was too busy whooping and cheering to think about why I wasn't upchucking my guts. At one point towards the end, I slipped. With a gasp, I went airborne, but suddenly a strong pair of hooves were gripping my forelimbs from above. I squealed with delight as Rainbow Dash glided towards the valley, bringing us both to a sliding stop in the tall grass.

"Whew!" I stumbled onto the earth with tingling hooves. "That was killer sweet!" I spun and hopped in place with a bright, bright smile. "Rainbow, you're the best!"

"Ehhh..." She nonchalantly rubbed the edge of her hoof on her chest and examined her fetlock. "I've done three times as awesome stuff at double the speed before breakfast." She winked at me. "Consider that airshow on the house."

"Wow, know wonder you have a cloud and a lightning bolt for a cutie mark!" I suddenly sighed, gazing down at my tiny wings. "At this rate, I'm never gonna rule the air like you do..."

"Hey, don't sweat it, kid. You're gonna go places. The key thing is not to give up."

"What's to give up?" I pouted. "My cutie mark just doesn't wanna happen, I swear."

"Think of your cutie mark as..." Rainbow tapped her chin, then smirked. "A big friggin' rubber band."

"Huh?"

"Or a huuuuuuge cannon that's being loaded for a huge salvo!" She leaned in and ruffled my mane. "Once it's time for you to make fireworks, it's gonna be a show to remember. I know the waiting sucks at times, but once you get your cutie mark, I just know it's gonna blow everypony away. Heck, it might even give mine a run for the money!"

"Really?!" I leaned forward, feeling a breeze against my grinning cheeks from my fluttering wings. "You really think so?"

"Well..." Her ruby eyes rolled. "Maybe not that close to matching mine, but that's a tall order." She winked.

I giggled. Just then, a series of tiny hoofsteps galloped up from the distance.

"Scootaloo! Land's sakes! Yer alive!"

"And in one piece!" Sweetie Belle's voice cracked. "Unless, of course, you're just the ghost of Scootaloo."

"Don't be silly," Apple Bloom muttered in between panting breaths. "Ghosts aren't visible in the sunlight."

"Says who?"

"Granny Smith."

"Does your grandmother have a ghost catching cutie mark?"

"Uhhh... no..."

"Then what does she know?!"

"Hey!"

"Yo yo yo!" Rainbow waved her forelimbs. "Don't turn on each other unless you plan on becoming the Cutie Mark Crusader Heel Wrestlers! For realsies, guys, it's a friggin' sweet morning. You three should be living it up!"

"Shucks, Rainbow..." Apple Bloom smirked. "Yer in an awfully chipper mood!"

"Pffft. What, is that a crime, kiddo?"

"Well, Applejack is always sayin' that yer not a mornin' pony."

I watched as Rainbow Dash suddenly leaned forward with a gaping muzzle. "Applejack talks about me?"

"... ... ... ..." Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle stared.

"I mean... erm... Ahem..." Rainbow leaned back, tossing her mane. "What a load of horse apples! Of course I do stuff in the morning! Who else clears the fog but us awesome pegasus ponies?"

"Hey! That totally makes sense!" Sweetie Belle said with a bright grin and an even brighter stare. She blinked. "...Doesn't it?"

"Thanks for savin' our friend, Rainbow," Apple Bloom said, pointing at me. "We'd catch her ourselves, but we ain't as strong as you..."

"Eheheh..." Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, her eyes rolling towards the blue sky above. "Well..."

An hour previous...

"That brewed sample won't last for long," Zecora said as she trotted back to her alchemy table. "Please tell me if anything goes wrong."

"Uhhh... r-right..." Rainbow sat on the stool, flexing her forelimbs. She squinted over at the zebra. "In the meantime, what will you be up to?"

"Making a solid potion to last you a while, so that you can maintain your strength, endurance, and style." Zecora looked over her shoulder. "But as we both know, for only a short distance it'll go. Finding future ingredients will come at a price, and I fear that puts this prescription into quite a vice."

"How... uh... long do you think the first potion is going to last me?"

"Hmmm..." Zecora rubbed her chin. "A week at the most will your muscles endure. Until then, a great deal of bits you'll have to procure."

"And you're totally fine with this?" Rainbow gulped, leaning forward. "I mean, I know I'm paying for the ingredients and all, but what about you? How do you profit?"

"If it was about my gain, then all of this would be in vain." The zebra chuckled, then smiled at her. "No, Rainbow Dash, upon silver or bits I do not depend. If you would like to pay me, then all I ask is the occasional company of a friend."

Rainbow blinked. She smiled. "Yeah..." She nodded. "Yeah, okay. I think I can totally do that."

Zecora smiled rosily, then turned back to her potions. "Now, carry on with your busy day. Unless you have anything more to say."

"Uhm.. actually... there's one thing that's on my mind." Rainbow Dash fluttered over. "Zecora, you're a really swell zebra n'all..."

"Mmmhmmm..."

"But... erm..." Rainbow fidgeted. "About... about Big Macintosh..."

Zecora's ears instantly perked up. She turned and blinked at Rainbow with bright eyes.

Rainbow's face was frozen in a slight wince. "Really? I mean... nothing wrong with that choice, I guess, but..." She rubbed the back of her head. "Don't you think he's a bit... I dunno..."

Zecora grinned. "Dedicated and kind, with a well-toned behind?"

Rainbow did a double-take. "Whoah, girl!"

The zebra laughed—almost a braying sound. "Oh, by the sands, I've said too much. I daresay I almost lost my touch."

"Or just f-found it." Rainbow smirked.

"Certainly it doesn't surprise you to know that even a travelling shaman enjoys a good show." Zecora winked.

"Pfft. Not at all. Besides, to each their own. But..."

"Hmmmm..." Zecora sighed. "He is a stallion most humble, and yet rough and tumble. He cares about work and family and yet carries it with an air of nobility."

"He's also like a freckled steamroller with a bass singing voice."

"Oh please, Rainbow Dash, is there a reason for you speaking so brash?"

"Uhhhhh..."

"You relate to the stallion through his sister." Zecora smiled. "Perhaps you know some secrets about the mister?"

"That's just the thing." Rainbow rubbed her hooves together awkwardly. "About Big Mac. He's... he's seeing..."

Zecora stared with an innocent, warm expression.

Rainbow Dash gulped. In a blink, she saw many a night spent fighting tears as she surrendered to the shadows and sheets of her bedroom.

"He's... uhhh... s-seeing brighter days as of late!" Rainbow clenched her jaws between each utterance. "And I-I've no doubt it's because he's living in a world with... you in it!"

Zecora stared and stared. She let loose a tiny zebra squeal. "How charming a notion—it fills me with emotion!"

"Yeah." Rainbow coughed. "I'm sure it does."

"One of these days I'll summon the strength to speak to him at greater length." She sighed, staring longingly into one of many reflective beakers. "But that will be reserved for another time, when I'll no longer be bound by duty or rhyme."

"Well... uhhh..." Rainbow Dash rubbed her head. "Since you'll be putting it off..."

"Consider this conversation redacted!" Zecora waved the pegasus off. "Now shoo! Shoo! Before from this potion I am further distracted!"

The last thing Rainbow heard was the happy humming voice of the zebra as she grew more and more distant from the hut.

"Uhhh... Rainbow?" I waved my hoof, then waved it even harder. "Rainbow...?"

"Hmmm?" She blinked, twitched, and glanced down at the three of us. "Huh?"

"You were—like—totally in another world," I said.

"Yeah... Do adult pegasi normally zone out like that?" Apple Bloom asked.

"I do that all the time!" Sweetie Belle said. "It's perfectly normal!" She then scrunched her face. "I just wonder why Cheerilee makes me sit in the corner for doing it so much..."

"Oh, don't mind me," Rainbow Dash said. "Just planning out my afternoon."

"Oh! Oh!" I jumped in place multiple times. "Lemme guess! You're gonna practice more flying moves for the Wonderbolts?"

"Pffft. I can do that in my sleep." Rainbow Dash waved her forelimb. "Nah, I'm doing boring stuff this afternoon."

"Like what?"

"Like figuring out how to make an enormous amount of bits in a short amount of time."

"Ew..." Apple Bloom winced. "That does sound boring."

"Heh..." Rainbow smirked. "How hard can it be?"

"Stamps!" Breathless, Rainbow slapped her hooves over the end of the clerk's desk. "I need to make an enormous amount of bits in a short amount of time!"

Stamps lowered his clipboard and raised an eyebrow. The apron'd workers of Banner Company paused around him. He cleared his throat, forcing them to trot back into action among the many-many shelves of stamped boxes.

"Rainbow..." Stamps leaned forward, folding his forelimbs in the middle of his desk. "What do I look like? A treasure chest?"

"How could you?" Rainbow grunted. "You've already got something shoved in your keyhole." She hissed. "Stamps, I need higher-paying gigs! Haven't I proven that I'm loyal to you as of late?"

"Absoutely." He droned, "For about a week."

"Yeah! But it's totally be a super-awesome week!"

He groaned.

"H-hasn't it?" her voice cracked.

"Rainbow... Rainbow... Rainbow..." Stamps leaned back with a sigh. "I don't care what everypony thinks, but I like you. I really do."

"Wait..." Rainbow leaned back with folded ears. "Wh-what does... everypony th-think—"

"But I simply can't pay you any favors," Stamps said with a shrug. "It just isn't my place." A beat. His eyes shifted left and right.

Rainbow's eyes shifted left and right to follow his.

"Buuuuut..." Stamps leaned forward ever so slowly, his voice taking on a whispery tone. "If there was a pony whose place it was to find you jobs that paid much without wanting to make a lot of noise about it..." He icily slid a hoof under the desk. "I wouldn't be the pony to know about it..." He pulled out a folded card. "And I wouldn't even have any physical contacts to such ponies that don't exist..." He pretended to yawn, thereby flipping the folded card nonchalantly across the middle of his desk. "And they certainly wouldn't have accidentally crossed paths with anypony who works for Banner Company, since such ponies couldn't possibly exist..."

Rainbow's eyes darted from him, to the card, and to him again. "Riiiight..." She cleared her throat. "Tell you what, boss, you seem pretty tired." She gulped. "How about I... clean your desk off for you?"

"Pfft. Whatever." Stamps shrugged, looking in the opposite direction from the glaring piece of litter on his table. "Not like you're going to get any commission for being tidy around my workspace."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Well, I don't know what I'm listening to."

"Exactly."

"Absolutely."

Silence.

Rainbow bit her lip, flapped her wings once, and leaned over to swipe the card off the stallion's desk.

It was precisely at this time that he stopped "yawning."

"Thanks," she said.

"For what?" He muttered. "Were we even talking about anything?"

"Well... uhm..." She hugged the card to her fuzzy chest and hovered backwards. "Thanks... for... the carbon dioxide."

"Meh." He picked up his clipboard.

Rainbow twirled around, flapped her wings, and darted out of the warehouse with a few ponies blinking at her.

Stamps scribbled across a sheet of paper. At one point, his eyes darted up towards the front entrance. He smirked, then returned to his work.

Rainbow Dash sat on a tree branch on the outskirts of Ponyville.

She looked east and west... then north and south...

Nopony was in sight.

She took a deep, deep breath... then unfolded the card in her grip.

On it were two lines of text, hastily scribbled in partially faded blue ink:

"Fillydelphia Air Yards. Behind the golden-striped building. Every Tuesday morning. Three o'clock sharp. Professional and confidential delivery ponies only."

Rainbow took a deep breath. She folded the notecard up and rubbed her eyelids.

"Nnnngh... For the love of Celestia, Zecora, I'd better not be hallucinating this."

She sat up straight.

"'Cuz that's cliche as balls."

Nevertheless, she smirked, pocketed the note away in her saddlebag, and flew off towards the clouds.

Appledashery

Some of you may be wondering why I’m writing this. I’ve spoken to Rainbow Dash several times since I started, and even she’s a tad bit confuzzled about it, though I suppose I can’t really blame her. For all of her accomplishments and pizazz, the mare’s still very simple and straight-forward in her thinking. What’s the point in having memoirs if there’s no point in looking into the past?

Thing is, this isn’t entirely just a story about her, Applejack, and the cuddling that eventually ensued. It’s a story about happiness, and happiness--as it so happens--is all the more potent when it takes a great deal of work to get to it.

Rainbow Dash worked. She worked a lot. She thought that she had clear goals in mind, but as it would turn out, it was something far more permanent than substance that awaited her at the end of her labors.

I know lots of ponies talk down the idea of making wishes with ones heart or having dreams come true, but Rainbow Dash is living proof that such things are possible--even if they take a long while to get there. I was in the dark about it for a long time, until I happened to witness the most awesome of things happen right before my very eyes. When I found out the details of it, I just couldn’t help myself. The best ponies who’ve ever lived needed the best testament written.

So, if Rainbow Dash is ever to tell you to disregard some of the fluff you’re bound to see from these penstrokes, just take it in stride. Among the many crazy things she’s learned in her colorful life, humility is somewhere towards the top. Though she’s proficient at it, she’s still somewhat of a noobie. But it can be forgiven. After all, her mind--as well as her heart--are in far more… distracting places these days.

Now where was I…?

Oh right. Her first trip to Fillydelphia. My apologies in advance, for there’s really no way to make what happens next sound any less crazy...

==Part Six: Underworlding==

==Part Six: Underworlding==

Steam rose against the glaring moonlight as Rainbow Dash coasted down over the rooftops of eastern Fillydelphia. She coughed once or twice, waving the polluted fumes away from her muzzle. Before her, an urban sprawl of brown warehouses and rusted rooftops stretched along the southern bank of a winding river. Along the murky waters, several large platforms stood, atop of which zeppelins could be seen in various states of construction. Even further along the sprawl, Rainbow saw giant structures blotting the starlight along the eastern horizon. She judged that they were hangars, inside which the larger aircraft of Equestria were commonly built.

Taking a steady breath, she peered down, squinting through the darkness in sight of her target.

It took several flyby’s before Rainbow Dash saw anything. Her limbs shivered from the frost of morning, and she feared that she might go past the scheduled appointment time. Stealing a glance inside her saddlebag, she found a clock telling her that she still had twenty minutes until three in the morning.

A loud horn echoed from the distance. Rainbow gasped in midair, flinging a glance east. She saw a freight ship travelling into port along the river, loading a midnight supply of zeppelin parts before an array of tall metal cranes. The color of the mechanical structures was bright yellow, and they almost jumped out at her… again and again.

Rainbow Dash stopped to hover in midair. She rubbed her eyes, grumbling to herself. After a moment of shuddering, she reopened her eyes, blinking wearily into the fuzz of night.

It’d been less than twenty-four hours since she’d taken Zecora’s new brew. So far, everything had gone without a mishap, but the pegasus could only guess when or where a spontaneous hallucination might debilitate her. All of her life, the pegasus had been in total control of her faculties. The idea of losing her mental grip never once occurred to her. As a result, it wasn’t something she ever feared--until now.

Just what was her head capable of making her experience? Would she feel spiders or snakes crawling all over her? Would she get a visit from her zombie parents or a vampiric ex marefriend? Would Nightmare Moon crawl out of her showerdrain or cause the sky to melt away like a painted ceiling?

Or perhaps nothing would happen at all? There were tons of ponies with horrible mental conditions all across Equestria--but perhaps none of them were lucky enough to be as awesome as Rainbow Dash.

The pegasus smirked. With a warm breath of confidence, she skimmed the warehouses much closer. It was a few minutes into this venture that she finally spotted a hint of gold. Along the river bank, beside a series of rickety wooden docks, a brown building with a gold stripe across its northern wall and rooftop shingles stood in the moonlight.

Rainbow Dash held her breath. She looked in her saddlebag. It was less than a minute ‘til 3 o’clock. Gritting her teeth, Rainbow zipped her satchel shut and dove swiftly towards the building. As she did so, her vision caught a shadow standing right at the southwest corner of the building, almost blended with the haze of night.

When Rainbow touched down with four scraping hooves, the figure jumped in shock--something the pegasus didn’t expect. It quietly amused her.

“Ahem…” Rainbow Dash cleared her throat and stood tall. Somehow, it felt even chillier at sea level. Rainbow blamed the proximity of the river running through the city. “Hey there. ‘Sup?”

An equine shape looked back at her, its features obscured by a dark hood. In fact, a large and suspiciously black cloak hid every limb and square inch of coat hairs that the pony had to give.

At last, a voice rasped out from beneath the hood, sounding definitely masculine. “Really? This is it?”

Rainbow’s brow furrowed. “Stamps sent me.”

“Yeah, I bet he did.”

Silence.

“So… uhm…” Rainbow Dash rubbed her rear leg with a front forelimb. “Do you have a name or…?”

“No,” the stallion grunted. There was a hint of a gray muzzle in the moonlight. “And neither do you.”

“But--”

“But nothing. If you’re here, then you’re here to make bits. Bits that somepony like Stamps can’t give you.” The muzzle beneath the hood tightened into a frown. “You may be a rambunctious pony who thinks she deserves more money than she gets or a wild maverick who gets bored easily with daily routine. We’re not here to cater to either.”

“Who’s we?”

“Never you mind. Are you ready to do deliveries without question, without cowardice, without second glances?”

Rainbow Dash winced slightly. “I’ll have you know, I’m a pony who’s loyal to her friends…” Her eyes narrowed. “And her Princess.”

“We’re secretive, not stupid,” the stallion grunted. “There’s stuff too hot for even us to touch, and we certainly wouldn’t ask for help outside the moon’s shadow for it.”

“Moon’s… shadow…?”

“Do you want this opportunity or not?”

“I gotta level with you, bro, I’ve got a ton of questions.”

“Here, you’ll be finding no answers. Only bits--provided you perform your deliveries hastily and with professionalism. A pony like you wouldn’t be here unless you needed a job like what we can provide.”

“Okay…” Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. “Sounds like a smexy enough challenge. Lay it on me.”

“It is you who will be doing the ‘laying on,’” the stallion said. He reached under his cloak and produced a large white notecard, spitting it towards her.

She grasped it in two forelimbs, blinking with surprise at the ease with which her usually-numb limbs caught the thing.

“On this, you’ll find pairs of addresses and scheduled times numbered one through three. Acquire a wagon. Fly to the first numbered address. Receive the package. Deliver it to the other marked address by the time given. Once that is done, go on to the next place and schedule--”

“Wait…” Rainbow Dash squinted. “I don’t sign anything?” She gritted her teeth. “I don’t accept any bits?!”

“These deliveries have already been paid for. We are in rapid communication with the clients. The only thing we can’t transfer easily is physical materials.” A gray hoof pointed out from under the cloak. “Once the deliveries have been made, fly back here at any given time. We’ll know if you’ve performed your task or not, and you’ll find your payment hidden within the northwest corner stone of this building.”

“But--”

“If you do not perform your tasks, you do not get your payments. It is that simple.” The stallion’s nostrils flared. “If you wish to continue business, then show up here again next Tuesday morning. We’ll have twice as many deliveries for you.”

“Pffft… Yeah, whatever, Cryptoquine.” Rainbow Dash looked back to stash the notecard back into her saddlebag. “Still, I can’t figure out why you gotta be all mysterious about--” She looked forward again.

The stallion was gone.

Rainbow blinked. Her ears folded. “Hrmmmph… I swear, if all along I’m hallucinating him, I’m calling bullcrap, author.” Nevertheless she twitched, then reached into her saddlebag to feel the physical notecard. With a silly breath of relief, she took off and flew back along the dark horizon from which she came.

Part Six: Underworlding
(Where the Quest Towards Dashing Apples Turns Weird)

Delivery Number One

Rainbow Dash huffed and puffed. She had flown for the better part of eight straight hours. Normally, this wouldn't have been that much of an exercise for her, only she was pulling a large wagon behind her in the air. Wincing, she pulled two sheets of paper out of her saddlebags with opposite hooves. In her left hoof, she held the lists of origins and destinations of the three deliveries. She looked at the time and place of the first one, then at a spot that she had circled on the map in her right hoof. Finally, after a digestive blink, she lowered both items, revealing a large swamp with steamy bogs looming below.

Grimacing, she nevertheless lowered her altitude, swirling around to find a straightaway landing spot across the mosquito-buzzing marshes. At last, she found a spot of dry grass leading up to what looked like a series of abandoned wooden huts positioned on stilts. She landed without much mishap, although her wagon made a splashing sound as its wheels dipped briefly into a grimy puddle or two.

She stood, waving a hoof in front of her nose as she tried to weather the stench of swamp gas.

"Nnnngh... like Gilda's kitchen on a good day." Clearing her throat, she tilted her head towards the sky and shouted above the noise of buzzing insects. "Hello?! Somepony?! Anypony?! Speedy delivery here!"

Silence.

She grimaced and swatted her fuzzy neck, then swatted it again. "Hello?! I'm on time! I'm not being paid to be mosquito food!"

More silence.

Grumbling, she trotted forward, pulling the wagon through the muck behind her. The air had a green color to it, and it felt as if she was breathing in algae in gaseous form. She tried not to throw up. "You picked a bad time to be taking a nap! I'd knock on the doors to these huts, but from the looks of it I'd get mad splinters!"

Just then, she heard a squeaking sound.

Rainbow Dash flashed a look to her left.

There was a large dark well fashioned out of tight black bricks. The wooden support beam positioned atop of it was quivering. A rope and pulley system retracted in front of her. Something was coming up, and it squeaked with each ascending foot.

Rainbow Dash raised a curious eyebrow.

The squeaking continued and continued. At last, it came to a stop, and a bald head poked up, a pair of red eyes leering.

Rainbow Dash stood dead still.

A second bald head appeared, this time with three eyes. There was a hushed sound, like the bass reverberation of multiple gurgling stomachs. Both heads ducked down. Two seconds later, a five-digit hand with two-inch long fingernails tossed something out of the well.

Rainbow Dash flinched. The air split with a tiny whistle as a black object flew in an arc and landed perfectly in the mud before her. Kneeling down, Rainbow picked the object up in one forelimb. It was a black box—rectangular and slim in shape—like a tiny obelisk.

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow's ears folded. "Okaaaaay. Do you have a package for this or...?" She looked back at the well.

There was no sign of any heads. The rope was descending, the squeaking noise growing fainter with a higher pitch. Then all was silent.

"You're welcome!" Rainbow Dash shouted, only to hear her own echo. More mosquitoes nipped at her neck, and she swatted her flesh with a grimacing expression. Turning about, she looked at the large wagon, then at the tiny box in her grasp. Sighing, she tossed the tiny thing into the container, flapped her wings, and took off for the hazy green sky.

It was nighttime when Rainbow Dash arrived at her destination, a lone steep plateau surrounded on all sides by inhospitable pools of salt lakes. Plumes of deep thermal geysers flickered in the distance, giving the hellish landscape a constant roar of terrestrial turbulence. Even when she landed on the top of the plateau, she found it hard to keep her wagon from teetering with the constant vibrations.

Unhitching herself, she trotted to the back of the chariot, reached in, fiddled around, and finally procured the tiny black box.

"Mmmmf..." She glared at the thing with an incredulous expression. "I swear. I could friggin' swallow this thing if I wanted."

She turned around to find a gray muzzle in her face.

"Gaaah!" She nearly hopped off the edge of the platform, panting.

"... ... ..." A pony stood, cloaked from head to heel.

"Where... d-did you come from?"

Slowly, the pony extended a hoof and spoke in a mare's voice. "You have the package?"

Rainbow's eyes blinked across the darkness. Nervously, she took a step forward and leaned her body at a dramatic angle. As soon as the pony gripped the black container in her grasp, she jerked back with a nervous smile.

The mare held the box before her, examining it closely. This went on for a full minute, when all of the sudden the box lit up from inside with several glowing blue lines. Black panels shot out from the box, casting a sheen of light across an emaciated face. The air filled with the sound of rattlesnakes and foalish sobs. Then, just as soon as it happened, the box shrunk back to its normal shape and the light disappeared, casting the plateau in to silence.

After a long breath, the pony pocketed the box away and bowed towards Rainbow Dash. "We thank you." Turning around with a flounce of her cloak, she shuffled off into the night and disappeared.

"Hey... uhm... don't mention it." Rainbow smiled, gulped, and smiled again. She heard more geysers erupting in the distance. Teeth rattling, she galloped back to the wagon and took off in the blink of an eye.

Delivery Number Two

Two days later, Rainbow Dash flew to a stop alongside a country cottage in the middle of nowhere. On sturdy limbs, she galloped to a stop, allowing the weight of the wagon to settle behind her. She looked at the cottage, then out at the lush forested countryside stretching beyond it. By the time she looked back at the cottage, a thin and gangly stallion had exited the front door.

Rainbow Dash blinked.

The stallion trotted towards her on frighteningly thin legs. He wore slacks that were pulled an extraordinary distance along his midsection. Upon closer inspection, Rainbow saw his face pockmarked with acne from behind a pair of wide-framed glasses.

“You’re right on time, which ith the leatht I can thay about the griffonth who did the job before you.”

Rainbow blinked. “Griffons?”

“Actually, I’m kind of thurprithed a pony would volunteer for thith kind of a job. Ponieth don’t latht nearly ath long ath griffonth…”

“Uhhhh…”

“Anywayth, here you go.” The stallion hoisted a tightly taped brown box into the chariot behind Rainbow. “Do not look inthide.”

Rainbow smiled nervously. “I wouldn’t even think of it, buddy.”

“No, I mean it.” He adjusted his glasses with a nasally breath. “They’ll blind you in one glanthe, even in death.”

“Uhhh…”

“I don’t care how thcrumpthiouth they are…”

“I’m… gonna start flying now.” Rainbow Dash smiled awkwardly. “You know… in the air… where there’s no ground.”

“Hmmmmmmmmmm…” The stallion smiled, his eyes thin over a rosy face. “Pegathi are tho curvy…”

“Right.” Swoosh! Rainbow Dash was gone, hauling the rattling wagon along with her.

“Hmmph…” The stallion side, then turned to trot the long way back to his cottage’s front door. “At this rate, no mare is ever going to see my fishbone collection…”

Rainbow Dash squinted at her windblown map. The words “Dream Valley” flickered before her. Mumbling to herself, she pocketed the paper away in her saddlebag and stared down at the karst topography below. At last, she found an enormous lake in the shape of a horseshoe that matched what was marked on her map.

Gliding in a slow spiral, she made for the southwest edge of the body of water, as was indicated. Her hooves grinded to a stop against the moist grass. She stood in place with the wagon behind her, panting into the glistening sunlight.

“Okay… I’d really, really wish that ponies would show up when I do for a change! And pimply shut-ins with mucusy breath don’t count!”

Silence.

“Hel-looooo?”

More silence.

Rainbow Dash sighed, shuffling about. “Maybe the map meant ‘Dream Valley on the Moon.”

There was a splashing sound.

Rainbow Dash turned--and instantly flinched.

A large metal bucket slammed into the ground just inches away from her. Rainbow could see the hint of a twirling rope attached to it, settling to a stop. From the rope’s trajectory, she suspected that the water-slick container had been launched from the lake. She trailed the rope as it led to the lapping waters of the body of water.

“Uhhh…”

There was a slight tug on the rope.

Rainbow blinked, then glanced back at her chariot. Reaching in, she pulled the brown box out and quietly--gingerly placed it inside the dormant metal bucket.

Nothing happened.

Rainbow cleared her throat. With a nervous smile, she leaned in and gave the rope a slight tug in her direction.

Barely seconds later, the rope pulled, dragging the bucket into the lake. The thing floated out from the shore--brown box and all. There, it waded on the lake’s surface for a bit. Then, with a violent splash of tempestuous waves, it dropped like an anchor and disappeared along with the delivery.

After a full minute, the lake was dead still yet again.

Rainbow exhaled, then turn towards the southwest as she began flapping her wings.

“I swear… there’s not enough cider in the universe…”

Delivery Number Trois

Days later, Rainbow Dash knocked on the front door to a pink-painted house along the western edges of Trottingham.

“Uhm… hello?”

Behind her, the delivery wagon stood, parked beyond an amazingly well-kempt garden with a dozen different pastel shades of flowers that all glistened in the morning light. Bees and butterflies buzzed behind Rainbow’s ears, causing her to flinch slightly.

”Ungh… friggin’ Hearts and Hooves Day vomit all over this place. Hellllloooo?” She knocked again. “This is the time and the place for me. What about on your end? Huh? Time’s a-wasting!”

Finally, there was the sound of a lock unlocking… followed by another… then another and another.

Rainbow Dash blinked, fidgeting slightly as she sensed the sound traveling its way down the far end of the door.

At last, the thing creaked open, and a pair of gray eyes peered out, followed by an even grayer muzzle with the grayest of manes. “Why, hello there, dearie,” a mare who had to have been pushing somewhere close to a century spoke with a wrinkled smile. “Why, you griffons are getting faster and faster by the day.”

“Uhm… thanks?” Rainbow cleared. “Although, I’m not a griffon.” She blushed slightly as her tail flicked. “As m-much as I’d like to be…”

“Would you like to come in for some tea, darling?” The mare opened the door part-way and gestured inside the homely cottage. “I’ve got some herb of field mouse. It’s a favorite among griffons.”

“I… am thankful for the offer.” Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. “But I really really gotta make this delivery.”

“Make what?”

“The delivery.”

“Delivery?”

“The package!” Rainbow pronounced clearly and distinctly. “Y’know, the parcel that I gotta get from here to there for the benefit of a bunch of shady cloaked ponies and the clients who trust them?”

“Mmmmmmm…” The mare rubbed her chin. “Oh! Right! But of course! Wait right here, precious!” The mare turned and turned and turned and turned and waddled away.

Rainbow Dash fidgeted so hard she started to rattle on the ends of her hooves. She clenched and unclenched her teeth, fighting the urge to look at the clock in her saddlebag.

The morning dew had practically dried off the flower garden by the time the mare shuffled back. “Ahhh… here you go…” She hoofed Rainbow Dash a large lavender box with finely embroidered wrapping. “This should do divinely…”

“Now we’re talking.” Rainbow Dash blinked at how easily it held in her grasp. “Wowsers. Kind of light.”

“Mmmm… yes…” The mare smiled. “And flouncy and breezy. I do believe he will like this one--”

“Erm… the less you let me know about it, the better. Shadow McShadeShade would probably pay me more if stuff was kept confidential.” She made a face at the box. “You sure you taped this enough, lady? I’m not sure this is exactly travel safe.”

“Oh, he can travel in it all he wants, or stay at home.” The mare took five whole seconds to wink. “To each their own.”

“Oh… kay…” Rainbow Dash sauntered back towards the wagon. “Time to fly!”

“Good bye, dearie! Keep safe!” The old mare waved. “Remember to wash your talons twice a week!”

“Huhhhhhhhhhhhh…” Rainbow squinted at the map, at her destination, then back at the map again. “Huhhhhhhhhhh--sure, whatever.”

She pocketed the thing back in her saddlebag and flew down, landing in the center of a densely housed district of Canterlot. Haughty locals barely glanced at her as she trotted up to the front stoop of a white-washed apartment building.

In swift order, she unhitched from the wagon, pulled the package out, and walked speedily to the front door. She was half a second away from knocking when the door opened. A pale-faced unicorn with a blue mane poked his head out, blinking matching eyes.

Rainbow Dash jolted, then stammered, “H-hey there.”

“Did you bring it?” The stallion gulped, sweating visibly as he flashed a look across both edges of the street. “Is it here?”

“Regardless of what the ‘it’ is, I most certainly got it, dude.” Rainbow Dash held the thing out, but froze suddenly. “Wait…” She squinted. “Do I know you?”

The stallion’s pupils shrank. “Uhhhhh…”

“I swear, I’ve seen your dog-eyes before…” Rainbow pointed with the edge of her hoof. “Like… in a photograph or something…”

“Uhhhh… uhhhh…” He sweated and gulped, gulped and sweated. “I-I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Eh… whatever.” Rainbow handed the pretty package to him. “My memory’s usually not the most polished. That’s Rarity’s bag. Oh, and Twilight too--”

Suddenly, the stallion gasped, losing his grip of the package. The box fell to the ground and instantly spilled open.

Rainbow Dash looked down. She saw the tell-tale signs of pink ribbons and white lacy petticoats--

“Guhhh!” The stallion covered it with his trembling body, stealing feverish glances at the curious pony pedestrians across the street. With strong fetlocks, he shoved the contents back into the container and levitated it into the apartment with blue magic.

“Uhhhh…” Rainbow Dash’s brow furrowed.

“You saw nothing, okay!” The stallion wheezed.

“Dude, like, I wasn’t here--”

“What will it take?! I-I know!” He reached past his blue and violet cutie mark and levitated a bit bag from somewhere inside. “Here ya go!”

“Wait!” Rainbow flinched. “But I’m already being paid--”

“You saw nothing!” And the door slammed in her face.

Rainbow blinked. She looked at the stoop of the apartment, then at the bit bag. “Hmmm… well…” Her voice cracked, “When in Roam!”

Whistling to herself, she trotted back to the wagon, hooked herself back up, and flew away.

A Mare Dash Proposal

Rainbow Dash flew in a wide arc, skimming the smokestacks of Fillydelphia as they churned smog into the air. After piercing several columns of dark clouds, she descended rapidly on the brown building with the gold stripe. The sound of airship horns echoed in the distance as she came to a stop, waving a forelimb before her muzzle and coughing.

“Pfffft… kafff… bleachk…” She sighed, shaking the soot off her wingfeathers. “And here I thought everypony in Equestria did the whole winter wrap up thing. ‘City of brotherly saddle’ my flank.” She trotted forward, squinting at the concrete foundation that lined the outer edges of the building. “Now, lessee if they hold up their end of the bargain. Hmmmm… Northwest corner stone… northwest corner stone…”

River water rippled while tugboats drifted up and down the channel beside her.

“Just what does a ‘corner stone’ even look like? Aren’t those things supposed to be friggin’ huge or something?” She sighed, ears drooping. “I’m no dang archaelotech.” She froze, blinking. “Hello, I’m Rainbow Dash. How are you?”

A stone lay crookedly atop a square hole in the earth. A dark, empty space was easily visible beneath it.

“Deliciously weird, that’s how you are.” Rainbow Dash trotted forward, pausing to tap and bat at the loose stone like a blue feline. Biting her lip, she stuck her muzzle close, peering into the dark recess. “Hrmmmmm…”

Silence.

“Buck it.” She slid the stone aside and shoved her hoof deep down into the black hole at the corner of the building. She tilted her head towards the sky, licking her muzzle with the effort it took to reach so deep into the recess. After several seconds, her eyelids fluttered, but not in the good way. “Oh come on…”

She felt and felt… but touched nothing.

“Oh come on!” She body-pressed directly over the hole, sticking her muzzle inside the hole. ”This has gotta be a friggin’ joke! her voice cracked in a reverberating echo, highlighting the vast emptiness of the hole.

A cold wind blew over the industrial sprawl, blanketing her with a brief curtain of smog.

“Rrrrrrgh!” She stood up straight, stomping her hooves as she gnashed her teeth. “Darn it! Darn it darn it daaaaaaaaarn it!” She paced in a tight circle, huffing and puffing. “How could I be so stupid?! So gosh darn friggin’ stupid! Zecora, your brew didn’t make me crazy, it just lowered my intelligence by a million pegs! Grrrrrrrr!” She stomped up to the building face and smacked her forehead against it several times. “Never. Trust. A. Pony. In. A. Cloak. It. Always. Ends. Up. SUCKY!”

She froze in place, twitching… twitching again.

“Owwwwww!” She stumbled backwards, rubbing a forelimb across her skull. A shiver ran through her body, and she gazed forlornly at the hoof, flexing it at the crook while numb tingles pricked at the end of her limb. “One whole week,” she muttered somberly. A sigh. “Still… it was a pretty nifty week… while it lasted.”

Her nostrils flared as she watched the dream of future potion brewing dissolve in the polluted air. Once more, her eyes fell upon the loose stone, and she snarled from deep within.

“Hrrrrrnnngh--Raaaugh!” She bucked the stone hard and trotted away.

Instantly, she heard the sound of rattling coins.

Rainbow froze in place. Blanching, she slowly and icily turned around.

After being kicked, the cornerstone rolled over to reveal a hole in its bottom. A pouch dangled halfway out of the thing, and several golden bits lay in a pool around the dislodged brick.

Rainbow’s jaw dropped. In a blur, she zipped back over to the edge of the building and scooped up the loose coins. Once she had, they stacked up to something taller than her own fetlock from the ground. Gulping, she turned the brick over and started sliding the rest of the pouch out. Her muzzle hung open wider and wider with each successive centimeter of the bit bag that produced itself before her eyes.

“You’ve gotta be friggin’ kidding me…”

At last, she pulled the whole thing out. Even with full control of her physical faculties, it was difficult to hold the weighted bag in one limb.

“Nooooo way…” Her gaping mouth turned into a crooked grin as she let loose giggle after foalish giggle. “Nooo-oooo-oooo waaa-aaa-aaa-aaay! HaHA!” She gripped the pouch, bit her lip, and fluttered her wings with a blushing smile. “I-I take it back! Cloaks are cool! Super cool, in fact! I-I’ll even have one as my m-maid of honor!” her voice cracked.

Rainbow flew back with a glorious yelp, squealing inwardly as she lay on her back and chuckled, chuckled.

After a few seconds, her smile faded, replaced by an expression that bordered on euphoric and terrified. With a gulp, she murmured to the murky air.

“I… I’d totally marry you…” She smiled calmly this time, momentarily relishing the tingle in her hooves as she hugged herself, ignoring the weight of the money in between her limbs. “I totally would marry you,” she repeated more firmly this time, her coat flushed from the utterance. “Hmmmm…” Her eyes closed as she drifted in the thought, taking her to some place far warmer and cleaner than any place in Equestria could provide.

Have It Your Way

“Rainbow Dash, this was soooooooooo nice of you to treat us all out,” Twilight Sparkle said while levitating a box of hay fries in front of her. “I only hope it isn’t taking too much out of your bit bag!”

“Pffft! Don’t crack your pointy egghead about it, girl!” Rainbow Dash waved a hoof from where she sat across the table inside the Hay Burger joint. “Besides, I’ve been saving up!” She smiled sheepishly.

“Well, they say that money can’t buy you happiness,” Fluttershy said as she took a dainty nibble of a sandwich in front of her. “Mmmmm…” She licked her lips and smiled gratefully. “But apparently it can get some nice tender morsels down your throat.” She giggled lightly.

“Oooh! Oooh! Past the sauce! Past the sauce!” Pinkie flounced and flailed as she struggled to reach across the table.

“Pinkie! Mind your manners! Honestly!” Rarity urged the earth pony back into her seat as she levitated the packets of ketchup and honey glaze across the table. “It’s okay to indulge in some… eh… less than reputable foodstuffs, from time to time, but it’s no excuse to not act like a lady!”

“Awww come on, Rarity.” Applejack stifled a belch before scarfing her way into another sandwich. “Even a unicorn with a belly as delicate as yers has gotta admit that this stuff is mighty scrumptious.”

“Mmmm… Yes. I must admit that it does have its tasty qualities.” Rarity levitated two utensils, carving a ridiculously neat cube of food from the edge of her hay burger. “But you know what they say about too much of a good thing.” She levitated the fork to her pale lips and nibbled.

“Awwwww… you gotta be kiddin’ me!” Applejack rolled her eyes. “Like this, girl!” She proceeded to chomp liberally into her sandwich, splattering her edge of the table with sauce and grease.

Fluttershy flinched; Pinkie giggled.

“Eeugh! For goodness’ sake!” Rarity rolled her eyes. “Do not make me lose my already finicky appetite!” She sighed and smiled Rainbow’s way. “Don’t get me wrong, darling. I know better than to refuse a sign of sincere generosity. I’m quite happy to be receiving this warm and… erm… fried gift of yours.”

“Hey! Eat up!” Rainbow leaned back in her seat, crossing her hooves behind her neck. “And don’t be ashamed to ask for seconds!”

“It’s just nice being able to see you again, dear,” Rarity said with a smile. “I swear, it’s almost as if the sky’s a lot less bluer when you’re not around.”

“Mmmmffnnngh--Tell me about it--mmmff!” Pinkie Pie nodded, wiped her chin, and chirped, “Every time I’ve seen you this week, Dashie, you’ve been dashing away!”

“I have?” Rainbow blinked.

“Rarity and Pinkie Pie have a point,” Twilight said with a nod. “You appear to be awfully busy lately. Let me guess…” She smiled. “You’ve got extra weather duties back in Cloudsdale?”

“You kidding?” Rainbow’s voice cracked. “Ponyville’s clouds take priority! Uh uh! I ain’t leaving this place in the dust!”

“Nopony said you were, Rainbow, but it’s normal for a mare your age to take on more than one job.”

“Oooh! Oooh!” Pinkie hopped in her chair. “Did you get accepted finally into the Wonderbolts?”

“Buh?” Rainbow blinked.

“Oh! That would be positively astounding!” Rarity said, but then blinked. “Wouldn’t it?”

“Heh… trust me, guys…” Rainbow fidgeted in her seat. “If I went off to join the Wonderbolts, I’d totally clue you in on it.”

“Only because you couldn’t contain yourself and the sound of your rainbow colored hairs going off like firecrackers would echo across the whole Equestrian Valley!” Pinkie sputtered. “Crkkkk-pow-pow-pow-ping-zoom!”

“Ahem…” Rarity smiled calmly. “Nothing quite so ridiculous, but I’m certain you would be positively ecstatic.”

“Uh… yeah, sure,” Rainbow said with a nod. “Though maybe with a lot less syllables.”

Twilight Sparkle giggled. “Rainbow, don’t tell us it was all just a phase!”

“Huh?”

“Your dream to join the Wonderbolts! I swear, every time I’ve mentioned them as of late, you just brush off the topic!”

“Pfft! I’m not brushing anything off, Twilight,” Rainbow said.

“Well, certainly not your mane,” Rarity said under her breath, forcing Fluttershy to giggle.

“It’s just that… y’know…” Rainbow fidgeted with the edge of the fast food restaurant’s table. “Some things are… m-more important than others.” She bit her lip, raised her eyes, and looked at Applejack across the way. “Like… like…” With blushing cheeks, she immediately glanced at Twilight. “Like my friends!”

Fluttershy stared fixedly at Rainbow.

“Rainbow…” Twilight’s eyes were narrow. “You didn’t work your tail off this past week just to make this day possible, did you?”

“Huh? Pffft. Come on, Twilight…” Rainbow rolled her eyes with a smirk. “Would I go to such a length to put a guilt trip on you guys? I was just… y’know… flying around n’stuff. Nothing more to it, and certainly nothing… er… secretive…”

“Secretive?”

“Or… uhm… seclusive… sedimentary… sauerkraut. Don’t look so surprised, Twilight. I’m full of words! Heheheh… heh… hehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…” Rainbow deflated against the table.

“Whew-wee, Rainbow!” Applejack exclaimed.

Rainbow gazed her way. “Y-yes, Applejack?” Her eyes sparkled. She slapped herself in the skull, shook the stars out of her eyes, and sat up straight. “I mean… ahem... what’s up, AJ?”

“That filled me up somethin’ proper!” Applejack leaned back, rubbing her belly. “Boy, I tell y’all what. I dun mind eatin’ apples and apple products until the cows come home, but sometimes it’s nice to fill my stomach with somethin’ else for a change. I feel so gosh-darn fueled up I could kick trees from here to Stalliongrad! Whew!”

“I hope you don’t get sick, Applejack,” Fluttershy said.

“Oh, don’t sweat it, sugarcube.” Applejack winked. “Me n’ the rest of my family know just how to keep in shape! I swear, I could laps around Ponyville at this rate!”

“Helps to be in a good mood, I suppose,” Rarity said with a wave of the hoof.

“Dang straight! The farm’s thrivin’! The bits are rollin’ in! I swear, it’s like Celestia herself has been smilin’ on me from the clouds!”

Rainbow smiled warmly with folded ears.

“Hey, you know what me and my sisters used to do when we finished a big meal?!” Pinkie Pie grinned at the rest of the group “We’d play a game of hoof-wrestle to see who’d get the first bite of dessert!”

“I doubt this place serves any dessert,” Rarity said. “But it would be rather thrilling to watch some good-mannered competition.”

“You wanna go at it, Rarity?” Pinkie slapped her elbow on the table, forcing Fluttershy to gasp. “You and me! Mare-o y Mare-o!”

“Oh, please!” Rarity rolled her eyes. “As if I would actually partake in an action so plebeian!”

Pinkie blinked. “But I-I thought you just said--”

“We all know it’s a moot point,” Twilight said. “Rainbow Dash would just take everypony out.”

“Well, perhaps, but Applejack would give her the run for the money,” Rarity said.

“Oooh! Totally!”

“Well, AJ?” Twilight asked.

“Hmmmm…” Applejack cracked the joints in her neck, smirking. “I reckon I have been itchin’ for a rematch ever since the Iron Pony Competition.”

“Uhhhh…” Fluttershy suddenly interjected, sweating slightly. “It’s obvious that Rainbow Dash has had a long week. Maybe… w-we shouldn’t wear her forelimbs out anymore…” She finished this with a spontaneous clearing of the throat.

“Awww, dun be silly! Rainbow’s never one to turn down the opportunity to win at something!” Applejack winked across the table. “Ain’t that right, sugarcube?”

“Uhhhh…” Rainbow Dash stammered, feeling her own heartbeat through her flouncing feathers.

“Well, champ?” Applejack’s green eyes sparkled from the outdoor sunlight wafting in through the windows, highlighting the freckles that hovered over a smug, saucy grin. “You think you can handle me?”

Rainbow lost all oxygen in her lungs. She had to pace her next inhale so as not to look like she needed to collapse. Her eyes caught a glance of Fluttershy’s expression--a very nervous, jittery thing. Then, without a second thought, she smirked back.

“Heh… you’re on.”

For All the Marvels

“Alright, move over, Rarity,” Rainbow Dash said as she slid in to the chair opposite the table from where Applejack sat. “Alrighty…” She spat on her hooves, rubbed them together, then smirked. “You ready to choke on your own apple seeds?”

“Reckon I’ve no clue what that means, but it doesn’t mean I’m gonna whoop yer hiney any less!”

“How about less talking and more hoof wrestling?” Twilight exclaimed.

“My word!” Rarity gawked at her. “You’re certainly into this, aren’t you?”

“Last time I ever hoof wrestled, I couldn’t walk straight for a week!” Twilight smirked. “So, I just enjoy watching other ponies do it instead! It’s fun, not to mention highly informative!”

“I like the fun part!” Pinkie said.

“Uhm…” Fluttershy suddenly floated her nervously grinning face in front of everypony. “Twilight has a good point. You c-can easily get hurt doing this. Why don’t we… uhhh… play a game of cards instead?”

“Dun you fret, Fluttershy,” Applejack said, tilting the brim of her hat and smirking. “Rainbow Dash knows exactly what she’s getting into.”

“Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…” Fluttershy rubbed her hooves together and stared nervously at Rainbow Dash with a prolonged wince.

Rainbow saw the expression, and she replied with a wink. “Ahem…” She faced Applejack directly. “Enough stalling, farm girl. We doing this or not?”

“I’ve been ready for over a minute now.” Applejack’s forelimb propped on the table and leaned forward, clasping over Rainbow’s.

The pegasus instantly shuddered. She cleared her throat and fought mentally to fight the goosebumps. “Uhhhh-sp-spotter, please?”

“Igotit!” Pinkie zipped over and squatted until her wide eyes were even with the table. “Okie dokie lokie! On the count of three, let the epicness begin!”

“Roger that!”

“Eeyup.”

Pinkie took a deep breath. “One…”

Twilight and Rarity craned their necks to see.

“...two…”

Applejack licked her lips and glared over a rigid smirk. Rainbow Dash stared back, her ruby eyes quivering with each thudding heartbeat.

Fluttershy was gnawing and gnawing on her hoof and--

“...three!”

“Hnnnnnngh!” Applejack twisted Rainbow’s hoof towards her end of the table.

Rainbow Dash clenched her teeth, instantly sweating. Her body jerked towards Applejack--almost a little too easily. She found her wings springing back for balance, and she had to struggle just to coil them tightly by her side. With flaring blue nostrils, she tensed her muscles as hard as she could, pulling at the warm grip Applejack’s hoof had made with hers.

“Oooooooh!” Pinkie hopped in place while her eyes remained somehow level with the table. “So close! Closey closey closey! This is a fight for all the marvels!”

“Fascinating…” Twilight murmured.

Rarity fanned herself. “It’s certainly going on for quite a while.” She leaned closer to the other unicorn while her eyes remained locked on the struggle. “Did it last this long last time?”

“No…” Twilight shook her head. “Rainbow Dash beat Applejack three times straight during the Iron Pony Competition.”

“Huh. You don’t say…”

“Not… helping…” Rainbow Dash grunted.

“Don’t t-take it out on them, sugarcube!” Applejack sneered into the forelimb-quivering struggle. “This is… nnngh… all you and me!”

“It’s g-gone on for long enough!” Fluttershy smiled awkwardly. “Perhaps we can call it a tie?”

“A tie?!” Applejack grunted. “You kiddin’?”

“Don’t worry, Flutters!” Rainbow hissed. “I j-just… gotta show… Applejack who is… who is… boss…”

“Ya seem to be sweatin’ an awful lot, darlin’.”

“Grrrrnngh… I got this!” Rainbow Dash clenched her eyes shut and fought against the tingling sensation in her forelimb.

“Rainbow…?”

She shook and shook…

”Rainbow…”

A pair of ruby eyes flew open.

Applejack smiled gently against a backdrop of twinkling stars over the rooftop of Canterlot. ”Quit yer fussin’. I’m right here for you, Sugarcube.”

Rainbow’s mouth fell open, quivering. Her ears folded back and she tried to say something when--”Whoahhh!”--she was suddenly being tossed sideways.

“Haaaaugh!” Applejack’s whooping cry echoed against the windows of the fast food joint. She slapped hers and Rainbow’s hooves over her edge of the table.

“AJ wins!” Pinkie bounced and cheered. “AJ wins!”

“Yeeeha!” Applejack leaned back, pumping her hoof in the air. “Nothin’ beats the apple family muscle--Owwwww...” She winced, flexing her forelimb. “Shucks! That took a lot out of me! Well played, Rainbow Dash.” A beat. She glanced down, then did a double-take. “Land’s sakes!”

“Uhhhhhhhhhh…” Rainbow Dash lay on her back like a fuzzy blue turtle, her forelimbs sticking up. “...what?” She blinked at the ceiling, then smiled nervously. “Oh! Uhm… good job! You totally showed me up!”

“Let’s hear it for Applejack! Tosser of Dashies!” Pinkie Pie slid over to Applejack’s side. “Hip-hip--”

“Awwwww dun push it, sugarcube.” Applejack gently patted Pinkie’s shoulder and reached a hoof down to Rainbow Dash. “You okay down there?”

“Uhm…” Rainbow Dash reached her hoof up, wincing from the slight tingling sensation. “You bet! I’m just catching my breath, is all.”

Applejack hoisted Rainbow back to her hooves with remarkable ease. “Whew! Did you lose some weight or somethin’ since last time?”

“Since… last… time…?”

“You totally schooled me at the Iron Pony Competition, girl!” Applejack smirked and leaned in to nudge the pegasus in the shoulder. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were out of practice.”

“Er… yeah… well…” Rainbow Dash avoided her gaze.

“Rainbow’s been working all week!” Fluttershy suddenly spoke up, gulping in between her exclamations. “She’s likely very tired.”

“Awwwwww…” Applejack’s ears folded. “Shoot, now I feel bad, like I just kicked a good pony while she was down.” She reached over and rested a hoof on the pegasus’ shoulder. “I’m awful sorry, Rainbow. I didn’t even put that into consideration.”

“No no, AJ. It’s…” Rainbow Dash flung a pointed look at Fluttershy. “It’s A-Okay. Blame it on the hay fries.”

“Erm… right…” Fluttershy hid her muzzle behind a lock of pink hair. “The hay fries…”

Rainbow bit her lip.

“That was so exciting, though!” Twilight exclaimed. “Almost makes me want to take up hoof wrestling myself!”

“Pffft. Sure.” Rainbow rolled her eyes with a smirk. “If you want Spike turning the pages of your books for the next two weeks, then have at it.”

“I must say, you’re being remarkably calm about this,” Rarity said. “Usually you get extremely irritable over losing.”

“Eh…” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “You win some, you lose some.” She blinked, then blinked again. She rubbed a hoof over her eyes, re-imagining a canopy of stars over the Canterlot sky. ”Yeesh… what was that, Zecora…?”

“Huh?” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What about Zecora?”

“Er… n-nothing!” Rainbow Dash perked up, smiling awkwardly. “Who’s for ice cream?”

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu--!” Pinkie began.

Whoopsicle

"What... k-kind of fix?" Fluttershy asked, her eyes narrowing.

Rainbow licked at her half-melted ice cream and turned to smile at the pegasus seated next to her on the park bench. "A pretty nifty one, all things considered."

"And Zecora came up with this just like that?"

"Well, kinda sorta." Rainbow took another lick, then smirked at her friend. "We had to fetch some ingredients for it. So we spent the day walking all across town, scrounging the stuff up, chatting with one another. Really bonding, y'know."

"I see..."

"Once you get used to the constant rhyming, you start to realize that she's just as sociable as you, me, Pinkie Pie, Stephen Magnet. The works!" Rainbow Dash took another lick. "I think Zecora doesn't know how to ask other ponies if they wanna hang out. I know she's a shaman, but shamans can get lonely too. Stripes or no stripes."

"She... didn't issue any sort of caution about this brew she's given you?" Fluttershy asked.

"Pffft. What's to be freaked out about?" Rainbow Dash flexed a forelimb. "I've taken only one and a half mugs of the stuff and it's lasted me all week! I probably won't even have to go see her for another sample until four or five days from now! I'm telling you, Fluttershy, things are solid." She took another lick, lingered, then murmured, "So what if... well..."

"What?"

Rainbow shrugged. "...therecouldbesomeresidualmentalsideeffects."

Fluttershy did a double-take, her eyes bright and wide. "Mental side effects?!"

"But hey! Nothing I can't handle!" Rainbow smirked. "I only had one bizarre dream the whole time. Oh, and twenty minutes ago, in the burger place, I could have sworn I saw Applejack standing against a starry night sky."

"Rainbow!" Fluttershy gasped. "That's terrible!"

"Mmmf... tell me about it!" Rainbow licked and licked at her ice cream. "Whenever I daydream about Applejack and I, we're usually up in her barn loft."

"No, I mean, this isn't what I would call a solution!" Fluttershy exclaimed. "And it doesn't make any sense to me why Zecora would pretend that it is—"

"Oh, she's not pretending anything."

"Huh?"

Rainbow smiled at her. "It's just a better temporary fix for the atrophy than the pills I was taking!"

"And just when are you going to finally do something about the cause itself?" Fluttershy asked with a dainty frown.

"Just chillax, Flutters. I've got it covered! I'm raking in the bits as of late! Sooner than later, they'll event a way awesomer operation that won't cost me my wingpower, and by then I'll be able to afford it!"

"That's an incredibly shallow presumption and you know it." Fluttershy sighed. "I thought you had changed from the impulsive young mare who dropped out of flight camp."

"Well, maybe you don't know me half as much as you think you do." Rainbow Dash scarfed the remaining globule of ice cream. Her eyes instantly crossed. "Unnnnngh!" She dropped the cone and clamped her hooves around her throbbing skull. "Okay... okay... so maybe I'm just a tad bit impulsive still."

"Rainbow Dash, to be perfectly honest, I'm starting to feel like I don't know you that much lately..."

"Nnnngh..." Rainbow rubbed her forehead while casting the pegasus a weary smile. "Don't sweat it, Fluttershy. I was being Face Sea Tush."

"Facetious," Fluttershy corrected. "But I mean it, Rainbow." She stared down at her squirming hooves with a sad, worried expression. "You're always flying off to Celestia-knows where, and suddenly you have all of these bits for some mysterious reason..."

"Hey, if I gave my secrets out to everypony, the economy would do a swan dive into the concrete!" Rainbow winked. "Dont'cha think?"

"I don't know what to think anymore." Fluttershy shook her head. "All I know is that I miss my best friend."

"Hey..." Rainbow shrugged and rested a hoof on her shoulder. "I'm right here!"

"Are you?" Fluttershy bit her lip with folded ears. "Are you really? I... I'm scared for you, Rainbow Dash."

"Fluttershy..."

Her eyes watered slightly. "Please, whatever you're doing, promise me that you're not going to destroy yourself in the process."

"Come onnnnn..." Rainbow leaned in and wrapped her forelimb tightly around the Fluttershy, pulling the mare in for a close nuzzle. "I'm too cool of a pony to do leave you hanging!"

Fluttershy sniffed and bore a weak smile. "Really...?"

"I Pinkie Pie swear..." Rainbow Dash crossed her heart and raised her other hoof to her eye. "I am never going to leave you high and dry on Celestia's Green Earth, so help me—" She looked over and stood up with a gasp. "Applejack!"

"Whoah!" Thwump! Fluttershy fell behind Rainbow Dash. She blinked upwards, lying sprawled out on the bench with curled forelimbs.

"Yeesh!" Applejack winced at Fluttershy, then glanced up at Rainbow. "Don't tell me y'all are practicin' hoof wrasslin' too!"

"Er... uhhh..." Rainbow Dash fidgeted, glancing back at Fluttershy with a red face. "Eh heh heh. We were just... uhm..."

"Cooling off with our ice cream," Fluttershy muttered.

"Yeah. Thanks for that, sugarcube," Applejack said with a smile. "My, you've been awful generous to us gals as of late. At this rate, yer gonna beat Rarity to the punch!"

Fluttershy stood up, flexing her wings. "I think she's already won in that department," she said with a tiny frown.

"Hah hah hah hah!" Rainbow Dash laughed through a plastic grin. "Fluttershy, you're killing me, girl! Are you... I mean... did you want to—?"

"Sorry." Fluttershy flapped her wings and drifted firmly towards the far end of town. "But I must get home and... feed Angel."

"Yeah... you go and uhm..." Rainbow Dash looked after her, sweating slightly. "...feed Angel."

"Hey, uhm, Rainbow...?"

Rainbow flinched, feeling her body awash in a taller, fuller, sweatier mare's shadow. Gulping, she turned about and pretended not to be nearly fainting. "Yes... Applejack...?"

Counterbalance

"I just wanted to be sure of somethin'," Applejack said. Her eyes were avoiding Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow noticed it. She noticed everything. "Oh! Uhhh... sure! Shoot!" Rainbow smirked. "I mean, not literally shoot. Notttttt that you'd have any reason to put an arrow through my heart—skull! I meant skull. Skull is what I said. Cuzzzzz that's what you'd shove an arrow through if you wanted to kill a pony. As in kill it dead. Not living. No beating, throbbing, palpitating heart. Ehehehehehehehehehehehhhhhhhhh..." She found herself at the end of her breath. Slumping forward, she wheezed through a nervous smile, her eyes darting back and forth. "Jeez, it sure is h-hot out t-today, isn't it?"

Applejack took her hat off, fidgeting with it while her blonde bangs flounced freely in the afternoon air. "Mmmm... shucks. How do I go about sayin' this without makin' you feel silly..." She gulped. "Or at least sillier than I feel right about now..."

Rainbow Dash blinked. Then she blinked again. "Say anything, AJ."

"Well, alrighty then." She bit her lip and finally angled her green eyes Rainbow's way. "Did I... h-hurt you earlier?"

Rainbow's brow furrowed. "Hurt... me?"

"Y'know... in the restaurant, while we was eatin' that fine meal that you bought for us all generous-like."

"Uhhhh... you mean the hoof wrestling thing?"

"Yeah. The hoof wrasslin' thang."

"Pffffft. So what if I took a little tumble? Big deal!" Rainbow waved her forelimb with a sly grin. "I've taken worse before. I bounce back all the time!"

"Still don't make it a proper thang that done happened!" Applejack frowned. "I practically grinded you into the tile floor like you was an earth plow. Rainbow, I'm awfully sorry..."

"It's fine! Really!" Rainbow shrugged. "Those are the chances you take when you compete."

"Yes, only you don't chance it that often, do ya, sugarcube?"

"Huh...?"

"I... gotta say I'm plum surprised I beat you like I did, Rainbow."

"Oh... uh..." Rainbow shrugged, suddenly avoiding Applejack's gaze. "Well, surprises happen in life."

"Not around you, they don't. Yer the loyalest pony there ever was! We can count on you for anythang! And when you suddenly get thrown helter skelter by a simple lil' hoof wrassle..."

"Hey..." Rainbow Dash bit her lip. "I'm still loyal."

"I ain't sayin' yer not, darlin'. It's just that... It's awful unsettlin', ya feel me? With what just happened right now? I mean, I'm so plum used to treatin' you like yer just as strong and thick-skinned as me. But... b-but if I've been wrong about it all this time..."

Rainbow's mouth hung loose. Her ears folded slightly.

Applejack was too busy fidgeting with her hat to notice the expression. One of the farm mare's hooves swam nervous circles along the inside. "All the times I've bitten onto yer tail or given you a playful shove or jabbed you every now and then..." She winced. "Well, suddenly I can't help but feel awful... just awful..."

"Hey... Hey, listen to me..." Rainbow Dash trotted forward until she was in Applejack's gaze again. Her eyes were soft and round. "You could never... ever hurt me, Applejack."

Applejack squinted at her. "Ya sound mighty sure about that, sugarcube."

Rainbow Dash smiled gently. "Only because I am." She gulped. "More sure of anything as I'll ever friggin' be. So don't you freak out, okay? You've got enough crap to deal with—like apples constantly falling on your head when you go bucking for hours on end."

Applejack took a deep breath. Smirking, she plopped her hat back onto her head. "I reckon it's just the farmer's curse."

"Farmer's curse?"

"Eeyup. Always destined to be stronger, thicker, and denser than the rest of the ponies around me."

"Hah. Don't give yourself too much credit." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "I just happened to be off my game today." She pointed. "Next time won't be so easy for you."

"I suppose." Applejack suddenly leaned in for a hug. "Sorry for gettin' all queasy on ya, Rainbow. I know how much ya hate sappiness."

Rainbow squeaked against Applejack's tender body heat. "More... th-than the scum of the earth..." She was too busy trying not to squeal that she didn't feel an errant gust of wind brushing against her prismatic mane until the last second. She looked at the park around her, but none of the leaves were scattering.

"Well... I best be off..." Applejack stepped back and patted her belly with a smirk. "I've got enough fuel to buck the whole Acres ten times over! Hah!"

"Go on, girl..." Rainbow Dash exhaled. "Have fun bucking without me."

"Heh, whatever you say, Rainbow." Applejack waved and trotted off. "Enjoy the rest of your day!"

"I'll try!" Rainbow Dash smiled. Gritting her teeth in a frozen grin, the pegasus turned around, flapped her wings, soared over the nearby treetops, and immediately plunged her body into the nearest lake.

Cattailing It

"Great slithering shadows!" Zecora stumbled back, gasping with wide eyes.

"Heya, Zecora!" Rainbow Dash grinned from where she stood—sopping wet—in the front doorway to Zecora's hut. "Do you like cattails?!"

"Erm..." The zebra nervously trotted in reverse until she bumped into a table full of bubbling potions. "Do you mean plants of the lakeside kind or the appendage belonging to a feline?"

"I mean the former!" Rainbow Dash slapped a bucket full of rattling, waterlogged cattails onto the wooden floor. "In Cloudsdale, they're considered a delicacy, since the city hovers over a bunch of ponds and lakes." Rainbow Dash paced about, grinning idiotically towards the walls. "It used to be a rite of passage for teenage pegasi to swoop down, snatch these babies up on the fly, and then soar back up to Cloudsdale with the dessert in their mouths. When I was young, I was tired of waiting to show my stuff. So I dove towards the earth's surface at the tender age of seven. I got the cattails, alright. But I also got a major concussion when I slammed so hard into the face of Equestria that Princess Luna heard the echo from the moon."

"Uhhhh..."

"And, lo and behold, I dive into a lake and the smell of pond water brings back that somewhat aching somewhat awkward totally awesome memory!" Rainbow Dash leaned against a wall with a tender sigh. She smiled at Zecora. "Isn't it sweet, having a brain?" Her water-slick hoof slipped. "Gaaaah!" Thud! She fell hard on her chest.

"Rainbow Dash, do lie still!" Zecora rushed over to her side. "Tell me, are you ill?"

"Nnnngh... I'd say that I've been 'killer sick' almost all my life."

Zecora extended her forelimb. "How many hooves am I holding up?"

Rainbow Dash glared at her. "Uhhhh... one."

"Simply a trick question." Zecora helped the pegasus back up to her feet. "Though, I'm still puzzled at your discretion. What inspired you to go foraging for plants around a lake, when far more edible foods the cooks of Ponyville make?"

"I dunno, I was just in the mood, I guess!" Rainbow Dash said as she trotted back over to the bucket, leaving tiny puddles of lake water behind her. "You know how it is, Zecora. One thing leads to another. At one point, you're having dinner with friends, then you're speaking to an absolute goddess, then your heartrate builds up, and then you race gravity into the surface of a lake to cool off!" She giggled, sighed, and giggled again. "Uhm..." She fanned herself, blushing in Zeocra's direction. "I don't suppose you have a cure-all for schoolfilly giddiness?"

Zecora slowly shook her head with a worried expression. "Cure you, I do not think that I can. I never tackle issues that I do not understand."

"Ahhhh... no sweat, Zecora." Rainbow shoved the bucket back outside where it emptied with a harmless sploosh. "I'm just in a crazy mood. Beforehand, I always had my darn atrophy to keep my excitement in check, but now's not the case. And being this bouncy and zippity-doody got me to thinking about the pony who got me to this place to begin with." She swiveled about and smiled at the zebra. "You, Zecora."

"Hmmm?" The shaman trotted back towards her potion table. "What of me, sky blue pony?"

"I wanna—I dunno—do something for you!" Rainbow Dash's voice cracked, "I wanna buy you a huge dinner or gather a bunch of rain clouds to water your flower garden or fly over Ponyville with a 'Kiss the Zebra' banner!"

Zecora chuckled breathily, then turned around to smile at Rainbow Dash. "No recompense of the sort is required. I simply wish to see your ailment expired."

"But that's not possible, and we both know it."

"I had hoped it would serve as inspiration for you to pursue a worthwhile operation."

"And I'm working on that! I totally am!" Rainbow Dash said. "Just... a litttttle slowly."

"Your lack of speed is certainly great, a prolonged desire to hesitate."

"If you really really believed that, then you wouldn't have helped me with this most recent brew of yours, would you have, Zecora?"

The zebra took a deep breath, saying nothing.

Rainbow smiled. "I wish to thank you for having faith in me, Zecora. It means a lot. It means an awful lot. What's more..." She chuckled, inhaling the musky air of the hut with a felicitous breath. "I'm raking in the bits and treating my friends out to dinner and getting closer to the... the stuff I love, and I owe it all to you."

"If it is another potion that you wish me to brew..." Zecora glanced over her shoulder. "...then several more pricey ingredients you must gather anew."

"Look, I didn't come here about that." Rainbow Dash waved a hoof. "I've got a good few days before I gotta drink that stuff again. And I'll have the stuff for you! I promise! I can afford it this week!" She gulped and stepped forward. "But I wanna pay you back! For realsies!"

"A zebra of my profession has no need for gifts or possessions."

"Ggggnnngh!" Rainbow stomped her hoof. "Darn it, you silly shaman! Will you just be selfish for once in your life?"

"You mistake my humility for having all generosity shunned. The truth is, I desire no gifts..." She fidgeted. "...but perhaps one."

Rainbow blinked, her ears perking up. "What? Name it!"

Zecora fidgeted, then eventually met Rainbow's gaze with her own. "Many months I spend alone in Everfree. I must admit, it is... fulfilling to have some company..." Her muzzle curved into a trembling smile.

Rainbow stared, then smirked back. "You got it, girl."

Sonic Wordboom

"And her wings didn't just melt—they friggin' caught on fire! Like a box of matches atop of a stove! Fwooomb!" Rainbow Dash gestured dramatically with her forelimbs. "And Rarity was all 'Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaie!' And Twilight and the rest of my gal pals were all 'Oh noes! Rarity!' And the friggin' Wonderbolts were all 'We'll save you!' and fwoooooooooooooooooosh! they dove down to save Rarity, but the dang fashionista was panicking so much that she smacked the flying stuntponies senseless!"

With a devilish grin, Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and hovered beneath the low ceiling of the hut.

"And that's when I saw her totally about to get squashed against the rocks of the Equestrian ground below! It was my moment to sign—but I didn't friggin' care. Rarity was about to have her silly soft flank hoofed to her by Mother Gravity! 'Hold on, Rarity! I'm comin'! And 'Neyeeeeeeeeurgh! I sailed after her like the sky hacked out a rainbow loogey! And sure enough, just like it happened once during my days as a filly, I made history happen... again! Kapowwww! Whammo! Kersplodey! Yeah! Take that, sky! I pulled a Sonic Rainboom all over the place like snow on Hearth's Warming Eve! The sad thing is that most ponies in Cloudsdale were too blinded by the flashpoint to see the total mother-lovin' awesomeness that happened next!"

Rainbow held her breath and dove wildly across the the room, skimming the floor's surface and pulling back up to strike a heroic pose.

"Wooooosh! Just like that, I scooped up both Rarity and the Wonderbolts and veyuuuuurrrrrrrr—rocketed them back to the stadium of the Best Young Fliers Competition! I saved my friend! Saved the Wonderbolts! Saved the day! Made modern day recorded flight history...!"

Rainbow Dash reclined in midair, smiling as she "rested" the back of her neck against her cross-hooves.

"...and all before breakfast."

Zecora grinned wide and clapped the floor with her hooves, almost knocking over her wooden mug of herbal tea. "Such an amazing and inspiring tale, Rainbow Dash! Who knew that so much good could come from something so brash?"

"Heheh... yeah, well..." Rainbow Dash gulped and rubbed the back of her head. "It wasn't until later that Twilight Sparkle told me that the odds of performing a sonic rainboom aimed towards sea level has an estimated survivability rate of two point five percent. Butttttt numbers don't mean much when you're too busy flying to think."

"It seems your heroism is awarded on a regular basis. Otherwise you would be in comatose stasis."

"Heh... Yeah, well..." Rainbow Dash touched down and shrugged. She "bonked" her skull a few times, lightly. "Lucky bird-brained me, I guess."

Zecora smiled. "Your friends must be very proud to have a companion so brave. I suspect it's more than just their lives that you save."

"Huh?"

"You give their lives constant excitement." Zecora chuckled and continued, "Truly this contributes to your friends' contentment."

"I always used to figure that my friends like being around me because it helped them look cooler." Rainbow smirked, but also rolled her eyes. "Now, I guess I think a bit different."

"How so, Rainbow?"

"I... uh..." Rainbow fidgeted, fighting a blushing experience. "Let's just say that... I-I no longer feel like I'm the coolest pony in the room." She gulped. "When I'm around my friends, at least."

"That hardly sounds like grounds for remorse," Zecora said. "But rather true admiration running its course."

"Eh heh heh heh..." Rainbow Dash chuckled, her whole body shaking. "Heh heh heh heh hehhhhhh..." She sighed long and hard through a winded smile. "You have no idea..."

Ruffled

When the next Tuesday finally rolled around, Rainbow Dash was in a pleasant mood. So much so, that she was humming during her flight—even in the turbulent moments when she pushed against the wind. Waves of smog pelted her figure, but she held her breath at all the right instances, and soon she was clearing her way through the dark clouds and descending in the warehouses of Fillydelphia.

Moonlight found a patch of clean riverwater to reflect off of, illuminating the shorefront buildings. At last, Rainbow once again found the brown building with the yellow streak. She knew that she was arriving on time, so it was with little surprise that she already saw her shadowy figure'd friend. What did surprise her, however, was the presence of another figure, this one considerably larger than her business contact.

"What... the... McFuzz...?" Rainbow's voice cracked out of a crooked grimace. She couldn't help herself; the pegasus accelerated, landing on the ground with a clap of all four hooves. "Whoahhh! Hey there! Since when did this become a party of three?"

Schhiiiing! A fan of knives suddenly appeared, contacting Rainbow's gulping throat. The larger figure glared at her through a bright yellow eye.

"No!" Her previous contact reached in, lowering the second figure's arm with a fuzzy fetlock. "Don't gut her. She's new, and potentially profitable."

"Yeah... a-and awesome!" Rainbow squeaked, trying her best not to sweat in the moonlight. Failing. A heavy gulp: "Don't forget that!"

"Hrmmmnngh..." As the blades lowered from view, Rainbow saw talons, feathers, and an almond colored beak—scarred in several places. "Friggin' soft-hooves. I smell Cloudsdale's garbage on your breath."

"Yeah, well, those methane cumulonimbus mists never leave ya for a second." Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes over a frown. "You a griffon or a really, really moth-eaten pegasus?"

"I'm the one whose beak they'll be printing in the papers for your murder if you don't shut your muzzle trap!" the stranger grunted.

"Don't make this more complicated than it is," the pony in the cloak grunted, commanding the griffon's attention. "Stamps sent her. She may be chatty and stupid, but she delivers on time."

"Hey!" Rainbow barked.

The griffon ignored her, glaring at the other figure. "And I don't?!"

"I'm only picking you for this one because you have experience," the pony said, only his muzzle showing in the moonlight from beneath his hood. "But if you screw it up again by dicing innocent clients along the way—"

"Innocent clients?!" The griffon snarled. "They attacked me! Four to one!"

"Only because you insulted their friend's mustache. How many times have I warned you how temperamental sea serpents can be?"

"Heh... it was still worth it for the teeth I know hang over the mantlepiece."

"This is no joke, Romulus." The pony pointed his hoof into the griffon's feathery chest. "Deliver parcel, not organs, or our partnership is off."

Romulus' beak snapped in anger. "How dare you use my name in front of another—"

"You've broken code ten times more than any of us did," the pony retorted. "You'd better fly right on this mission, or we'll expose you. You know that we can."

"Mrmmmf..." Romulus spat on the ground. "Read ya loud and clear. Swear to my mother's gizzard—the day I get threatened by a soft-hoof is the day I know I've absolutely lost it..."

"Sooooooooooooooo...!" Rainbow clapped her forelimbs together with a bright grin. "Nice as always to meet a new friend! Whelp..." She extended her hooves towards the cloaked equine. "I'll be taking my delivery assignments now!"

"There's only one delivery assignment this week," the stallion droned. "And it's going to Romulus."

"Huzza-What?!" Rainbow's muzzle gaped. "Are you saddling me?! I thought we had a deal!"

"What you had last week was an opportunity. Regardless of how you performed, it's up to us to make or break deals. Romulus has experience that you don't, and this job requires him and him alone."

"What's he got that I don't got?!" Rainbow stammered through a frown.

"I can think of two things, lady," Romulus uttered through a smirk.

Rainbow growled fearlessly into his beak. "And I know of a million ways to make you pass them my way, buddy!"

"There is no need to fight," the stallion said. "Romulus gets the job and that's that."

"But... but what about me?" Rainbow asked. "I'm here! I'm fast! I'm awesome!"

"We don't need you this week."

"But what about next week?"

"We shall see..."

"'We shall see?!'" Rainbow Dash stomped her hoof. "Dude! Don't starve me like this! I need the money! You have no idea how much my future depends on it!"

"That is not my problem." The stallion handed a white envelope to the griffon before shuffling back into the shadows beyond the warehouse door. "Come back next week, or don't come back at all. That is your choice."

"Well, it's a pretty sucky choice!" Rainbow found herself grunting into a slammed door. "Sonuvabiscuiteater!" She kicked at the ground.

"Take my advice, soft-hooves..." Romulus leaned into her, tapping her muzzle with the edge of the envelope. "Get lost before I make you impossible to find." He tucked the envelope away, turned around, and thwapped her muzzle with the tip of his lion's tail. "You wouldn't last long in this sort of an enterprise anyways. So go back to your tea parties and dress-up sessions."

"You know, it's bird-brains like you who give griffons a bad name!" Rainbow shouted. She suddenly blinked, rubbing her muzzle in adorable thought. "Then again, every griffon I've met has given griffons a bad name..." She snarled once more to the polluted night's sky. "So who became king and decided to stuff, roast, and eat all the good griffons, huh?!"

"Go drown yourself in oats, ya colon-twisted freak!" With that, the griffon flew in a sharp twist, heading south.

Rainbow Dash sighed, plopping down on her haunches. "Dang it. I shoulda brought Twilight along. She woulda turned him into... an apricot, or something. I dunno." With forlorn eyes, she gazed back up at the sky.

The griffon hit a patch of low altitude turbulence. Instead of waiting the gust of wind out, he decided to twist and drill his body against the air. As a result, his body spun... and something conspiculously bright, flimsy, and envelope-shape fell out of his cloak.

Rainbow's eyes twitched.

The envelope fluttered, fell, fluttered... and drifted towards the far end of the airship yard. Romulus flew on, completely ignorant.

Rainbow blinked. Slowly, an icy smile formed across her face. She stood up, flapped her wings, and lifted off the ground. "Now I know I've lived a long life." She fought the urge to chuckle as she soared towards where the fallen message was. "For one, I'm happy to pick up bird droppings..."

Paint Your Wagon

"Okay... okay... okay..." Rainbow Dash reclined along the thick tree branch in the glittering sunlight. She had pulled the envelope out of her saddlebag and was fiddling with the seal. "Let's see what the shadows that be wanted you to deliver, Lameulus!"

She struggled and struggled some more, ultimately grunting in frustration.

"Darn it!" Rainbow's muzzle winced. "They really made this thing to be opened with griffon's talons, didn't they? Gughhhh..."

She looked left, looked right, then brought her muzzle to her wings. Biting down onto a single feather, she clenched her eyes shut and yanked hard. Plonk! Rainbow grunted slightly from the pain of plucking a feather loose. Turning the blue thing around in her mouth, she aimed the quill barb against the edge of the envelope and easily tore the thing open.

"Pffft!" Rainbow spat the feather out and grinned victoriously. "Ahhhh... there we go..." She pulled the envelope open and pulled a folded sheet of paper out. "Come to Dashie. Let's see..."

Her eyes scanned the page, tracing the intricate handwriting. As the seconds drifted by, her face grew longer and longer and her ears folded.

"Wait a second..." She blanched slightly. "Canterlot Castle? West Lawn?" Her muzzle hung open. "What the hay kind of a package am I grabbing?"

"Howdy there, Rainbow Dash!"

"Gaaaaah!" Rainbow fell from the tree, flapped her wings, and hovered goofily upside down. With a nervous twitch, she shoved the envelope back into her saddlebags and stammered. "I wasn't sleeping in your trees, AJ! I swear!"

"Calm down, sugarcube!" An upside down smile with upside down freckles shone in the sunlight. Applejack stood in the dirt road with a cart full of apples behind her. "We ain't nowhere near Sweet Apple Acres!"

"Oh... I... uh..." Rainbow Dash twisted her wings and repositioned herself upright. "I... uh... I was just..."

"Will you relax, darlin'?" Applejack smirked. "I was only sayin' 'howdy' while passin' by!" She chuckled slightly. "You expectin' an inquisition or some nonsense?"

Apple Bloom suddenly burst her head out of a barrel of apples. "Hey, AJ! What's an inquisition?"

"It's one of them things Granny Smith puts us all through when her zapapple jam jars go a'missin'."

"Ohhhhhhh..." Apple Bloom squinted up at Rainbow Dash. "So, did Rainbow steal some jam, or...?"

"Nah, she's just bein' super skittish. Must come with bein' faster than lightnin'; er heart's all a flutter all the time." Applejack smirked upwards. "Or am I just buckin' a dead tree."

"Eheheh..." Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her neck. "Well, you know us pegasi." She gulped. "Life's always... up in th-the air..."

"You look frazzled, sugarcube. Reckon you might like to sit in the wagon for a while? Rest them wings of yern?"

"Yeah!" Apple Bloom nodded. "Maybe do my math homework for me!"

"Apple Bloom!"

The filly sighed, folding her forelimbs. "Well, it was worth a try."

"I... I..." Rainbow Dash's wings beat harder and harder as she smiled at the notion. Then she felt the weight of her saddlebag, rustling with the torn envelope lying deep within. She took a deep breath and ignored the pounding in her chest. "Thanks, Applejack, but also no thanks." She scratched the back of her head with a jittery hoof. "I... k-kind of have some important stuff to get taken care of," her voice cracked. "You know how it is."

"Reckon I do. Must say, you've been quite the hard worker as of late." Applejack winked. "Yer makin' the rest of us girls look bad."

"Heh... we can't be having that, now can we?"

"Well, was nice seeing you!" Applejack began drawing the cart over the hill. "Figured we'd best skedaddle on home now! Good luck!"

Rainbow Dash fidgeted, biting her lip. "Oh... uh! AJ! Wait! One second!"

Applejack grinded her hooves against the ground, forcing the wagon to bump into her. Apple Bloom pratfalled into the next barrel with a splash of apples. "Hmmm?" Applejack glanced up. "What is it, sugarcube?"

Rainbow Dash avoided her gaze, rubbing her front hooves together. "Have you... uh... ever felt so desperate about saving Sweet Apple Acres that you were willing to do just about anything to make it happen?"

Applejack tilted her hat back. "Hmmmm... I must say, I find that an awfully tough question to formulate an answer to, seein' that my farm was saved just recently." She chuckled, rolling her eyes. "Land's sakes, just hear myself talk..."

Rainbow Dash couldn't help but smile. Clearing her throat, she said, "Well, maybe I'm not wording it right. Uhm..." She bit her lip, then rasped forth, "Have you ever considered how far you would go to make sure you got what you wanted out of life?" She gulped. "Even if you knew that there'd be a lot of stupid mistakes made along the way?"

Applejack stared up at her. She blinked. "I reckon it'd all depend on if it was a life I was proud of livin'." Her green eyes narrowed. "Is there somethin' yer wantin' to get off your chest, sugarcube—"

"NO." Rainbow immediately winced. "I-I mean... not really. My sleep schedule's been all bucked up, and now I can't stop letting my mind go in circles in the daytime just like it used to at night. Ya dig?"

"Heh. Trust me. I know."

"What do you know?" Apple Bloom stuck her head up again, frowning. "What are y'all even talkin' about?"

"Lemme put it this way, Rainbow Dash." Applejack looked up with a smirk. "You may be a brash mare from time to time, but you have my utmost faith and confidence, just like all the girls!" She winked. "Don't start doubtin' yerself, especially when yer findin' good work and a good daily pace to yer life."

Rainbow Dash nodded... then nodded again. "Yeah. Yeah. Cool stuff." She waved and flew off, heading northeast towards the Canterlot Mountains. "Thanks a ton, AJ!"

"Yer welcome!" Applejack waved. "I guess..."

Apple Bloom ran a hoof through her frazzled mane. "Darn if I'm not confused as all get out!"

"Darlin'..." Applejack's mouth hung crookedly as she pulled the wagon once more uphill. "...yer ain't alone."

Shattered Dreams Production

Rainbow Dash looked left.

Blue rooftops and blue rooftops.

Rainbow Dash looked right.

Polished marble and granite bastions.

Rainbow Dash looked forward. She gulped as a thin layer of sweat formed on her fuzzy blue brow. Swiftly, without losing her pace, she flew straight through the heart of Canterlot airspace, hovering low over the rooftops as she approached the palace.

The arrival time was slated for ten o'clock in the morning—something that terribly vexxed her. She was showing up in broad daylight. Surely there had to be a guard patrol of some kind that would have reasons to object a fully grown pegasus hauling an empty wagon straight over the Royal Palace walls.

Nevertheless, she pressed on in full faith. Each darting shadow frightened her, causing a spasm to erupt in her limbs. Out of the peripheral of her vision, she could have sworn on multiple occasions that she saw fully-armored pegasi with glaring faces pulling up beside her. Instead, she only spotted blue jays, cardinals, and maybe a darting butterfly or two. The only ponies to be seen below consisted of the usual posh populace of the mountain maretropolis, and barely anyone took notice of Rainbow's conspiculously low-flying figure.

Taking several deep breaths, Rainbow Dash forced a nervous smile and murmured to herself, "Okay, girl. You've made it this far. Easy does it. Just... drop on down and pick up whatever it is you came here for."

So, stretching her wings straight out, she turned her flight into a glide and coasted down towards a patch of grass that made up the Royal Palace's West Lawn. At last, she made contact, skidding to a stop beside the tiny white building indicated on the map. When she finally came to a stop—including the rattling chariot behind her—she took one swift look of her surroundings and felt her entire bloodstream freeze.

This was the Castle Garden, a place reserved only for the Princesses and visiting Royal Dignitaries. She was standing on hallowed ground, and she wasn't entirely confident that a lone envelope pilfered from the cloak of a nefarious griffon that was given to him by a shady pony could somehow validate her presence there—and in broad daylight, no less.

"Just don't freak out. Just don't freak out. Just don't freak out. Just don't..." Rainbow Dash stopped in mid-ramble. Her head swiveled to the left as she squinted at row upon row of green hedges. "Huh... why does this stuff look... familiar?" She blinked, then glanced towards the other end of the garden.

Several sculptures stretched in the sunny air, their alabaster surfaces glinting in the morning light. Rainbow Dash saw marble ponies holding banners, granite unicorns in mid-prance, and concrete pegasi with their wings spread.

"Huh... they sure keep this place tidy, don't they?"

Rainbow pivoted her head again. She saw something odd, forcing her to squint. One pedestal stood in the center of the garden, placed at an even distance from the rest of the platforms, only it was completely devoid of a sculpture altogether.

Rainbow blinked at that, and in that blink she saw Applejack smiling at her with the stars shining behind the mare's windblown mane.

"Nnnngh..." Rainbow Dash clenched her eyes shut. She rubbed her face, then rubbed her face again. "What... th-the hay...?" She batted her eyes open...

...just in time to see a stallion poking his head out of the tiny white building flanking the garden. With a rattling helmet, the stallion glanced left, glanced right, then looked staight forward. Upon seeing Rainbow, the pony gasped, then rushed back in through the tiny door of the shack.

Rainbow stared, dead silent.

Fumbling, the stallion reemerged, opening the door all the way. He glanced all around the gardens once more, then slid back out, this time shoving a giant wooden barrel stuffed full with a bulky gray canvas bag. He grunted and hissed, struggling with his petite body to push the hulking weight of the thing up towards Rainbow's chariot. As he came closer, Rainbow saw a flash of an orange coat with matching feathers from beneath the stallion's steel armor.

"Uhhhhh..." Rainbow dripped.

At last, the stallion shoved the junk to a stop. Rainbow heard the clattering of rocky pebbles. Panting, the stallion stood up and wiped his brow. A hint of blue bangs dipped below the edge of his helmet. "Okay..." He panted and wheezed, clearly three times as frazzled as he was exhausted. "My sh-shift doesn't last that much longer, so you gotta stuff all this into the chariot and take off before the next guard takes my place!"

"Okaaaaaaaaay..." Rainbow squinted. "Wowsers, kiddo."

"Huh?"

"You're really friggin' young, y'know that?" Rainbow Dash chuckled. "I mean it. You can't be more than eighteen winters. What, is the Guard drafting stallions straight out of flight camp?"

"Huh?!" The stallion leaned back, shivering violently with horrified eyes. "What?! Why?! Who have you talked to?!"

"No one, dude! Just calling it like I see it—"

"Aren't you Romulus?"

"What? Oh! Totally! Romulus! That's me!" Rainbow grinned crookedly. "Sister to... uh... Remule."

"I paid my whole life's savings for you to make this delivery and to be quiet about it!" the stallion hissed. He turned to look over his shoulder. Rainbow caught a glance of a shield with a lightning bolt for a cutie mark. "Look..." He turned back towards her. "I'm no coward. But I have two grandparents to feed and a little sister to put through school a-and I can't afford to let one st-stupid little screwup ruin everypony's lives just because—"

"What stupid little screwup?!" Rainbow's smile twitched. "I wasn't even here!"

The stallion's body slumped as he exhaled with relief. "Oh, thank Celestia. Glad to know we're on the same page."

"Eeyup."

"Cuz I heard stories of your reputation, and it's nice to know that they were all hogwash."

"Eeyup."

"'The Great Romulus, Bloody Scourge of the Squirrel Clans.'"

"Eey—wait, what?"

"Hrrnnnnngh!" The stallion heaved, attempting to hoist the barrel with the bagged junk into the back of the chariot.

"Here, buddy!" Rainbow Dash unhitched herself and lent him a hoof. "Lemme help ya!"

Together, the two lifted the rattling mess into the wagon. The sound of knocking stones echoed thunderously in the air, and a piece of the bag almost slipped loose.

"Watch it!" The stallion hissed, scrambling to stuff the bag deeper into the hollow of the barrel. "Whew... you have no idea how dangerous this is..."

Rainbow's ears drooped. "Uhhhh... do I want to know?"

"Nothing you couldn't handle, of course."

"Oh! Pffft! Of course not!" Rainbow waved a hoof. "'Romulus the Squirrel Molester, remember?"

"This is nothing to shrug off," the stallion said with a brief glare. "It is imperative that you get this to the Pit as soon as possible."

"The Pit...?"

"I placed the spot on the map I sent in case you don't know about it. Word is—you're used to working griffon territory, so I can't blame you for not knowing."

"Uhhhh..."

"But whatever you do...and this is the most important thing..." The guard leaned in until his glaring face was even with hers. "Do not... and I repeat do not lose any of the pieces. If one single strip or chunk gets separated from the others... well... I don't want to be around on the same continent when that happens. Do I make myself clear?"

"Come on, buddy. I've got this in the bag." Rainbow Dash winked and motioned back at the chariot. "Literally."

The stallion exhaled... then exhaled again. "Alright. Alright, yeah." He smiled, backtrotting with a relieved breath, as if the greater distance between him and the junk was filling him with renewed life and vigor. "You know what you're doing. We all know what we're doing... except for those who don't need to know what we're doing... who don't need to know anything..."

"I... uh... c-couldn't have said it any better, kid!"

"Oh thank Celestia..." He nearly sobbed with joy, limping away as he pulled his helmet off and ran a hoof through his bright blue mane. "Oh thank Celestia Almighty, it's gone! It's gone it's gone it's gone..."

Rainbow watched as the stallion drifted away. She blinked, then spread her wings. "Alrighty then. Piece of—"

The barreled bag rattled loudly behind her.

She jerked a look over her shoulder.

A pause.

"—piece of cake! We're gone!" And she flew out of the Castle Gardens, ascending swiftly into the clouds as she turned about and headed towards the western deserts beyond the heart of Ponyville.

Oh Snap

Plateaus, mesas and buttes glided by to the left and right of Rainbow Dash as she flew west.

She maintained a gentle glide, balancing the weight of the chariot behind her with masterful ease. The dry desert air tickled her nose, and she flew high enough to avoid the bulk of the landscape's rising heat.

By late afternoon, the arid earth beneath her had taken on a golden glaze in the setting sun. She saw a tiny sprawl of buildings to the north, intersected by a railroad and flanked by a tiny cluster of luscious apple trees. A slight smile crossed the pegasus' muzzle, and she kept flying.

For the umpteenth time since she left Canterlot earlier that day, Rainbow pulled a map out from her saddlebag and examined it. She traced an invisible dotted line with her eyes, heading towards an X drawn with questionably red has marks. A large fissure in the earth was highlighted, a place labled as "The Pit." For the first time, Rainbow Dash closely examined the names of the locations located directly around it: "The Final Blight," "Breath's End," "Purgatorial Divide."

"Hmmm..." Her lips curved. "Sounds like a spectacular summer home."

A rattling noise.

Rainbow's ears twitched.

Another rattling noise.

Her face scrunched. She flung a look over her shoulder.

The canvas material of the bag inside the barrel rippled, rippled, and settled to a stop.

Rainbow's lips pursed. She felt her heart beating. A shadow loomed. She looked forward, gasped, and veered to the right just in time to avoid slamming into the north wall of a steep mesa. Catching her breath, she spread her wings wide, glided, and lowered herself towards the desert floor of the valley between plateaus.

Touching down, she padded to a stop, stretching her legs with the faintest tingling sensation. Unhitching herself, she trotted around to the rear of the wagon and peered into the chariot.

The barrel lay dormant, the canvas bag inside it twice as much.

Gulping, Rainbow Dash reached a hoof in to touch the junk through the bag. She paused halfway through the gesture, though, blinking at her own forelimb. With a snort, she leaned back from the package, smirking.

"Meh... just the wind." She exhaled breathily. "Still, would be a pretty wicked cruel time for the side effects of your potion to kick in, Zecora."

Rainbow heard a whistling noise along the arid winds. She turned around, squinting towards the eastern sky.

She saw what she first thought was a cloud—only it broke into three separate pieces. Dark shapes loomed high above, dark shapes with broad leathery wings. With dramatic speed, they dove towards her general vicinity.

"Heh. Speaking of which." She waved a forelimb, smiling into the shadows. "Hi there, figments! Better you than the numb tingling, am I right?"

There was a flash of bright orange light. A gigantic fireball flew straight down like a missile.

"Gaaaaah!" Rainbow ducked low. The streaking flame nearly tore her head off, instead singeing a few hairs as it soared past and exploded against a row of cacti. Chunks of rock and vulcanized dust pelted the pegasus' body as she scrambled back to the front of her chariot. "Definitely not hallucinations! Definitely, stupidly real!"

Two more flashes of orange light. The winged creatures flew closer, but their burning projectiles were ten times as fast.

"Nnnnngh!" Rainbow pulled and pulled on the chariot. Her wings tore at their sockets, but succeeded in lifting her off the ground—not to mention out of the way of flaming annihilation.

Craaaaack! A burning crater formed in the earth right behind her.

Panting, Rainbow Dash flew through the cloud of ash and skimmed the north edge of the plateau. She heard the flapping of thick leathery wings and picked up the pace, scrambling through the air as swiftly as her awesome appendages could carry her.

"Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap..."

And then her pursuers started to roar. The air filled with rancid breath and the scent of brimstone.

"...megacrap!"

Brooding Situation

Rainbow Dash had outflown many a thing before, but very few of them were capable of setting her mane and tail on fire. Breathless, she streaked past two large plateaus and approached a series of jagged rocks sticking out of the arid stone earth like stalacmites. Without thinking, she dove low, losing herself amidst the slender spires. She couldn't tell how far away her pursuers were, but she wasn't about to waste time with guessing. Bobbing and weaving around the jagged rock formations, she attempted to perform as many movements of misdirection as possible.

She must have succeeded, for the fireballs that landed now were impacting further and further away from her. Rainbow dove even lower, wincing as she heard the wagon grinding against the narrow columns of rock she was attempting to lose herself in. More than once, she flung a glance over her shoulder to make sure the barrel and its bagged contents were intact.

They were. Relieved, she looked straight ahead, only to receive a face full of dust and pebbles. A fireball had exploded into a column of stone several yards in front of her, and its debris was crashing down towards her figure. Gasping, she jerked hard to the left in order to avoid the bulk of the collapsing mess.

Her body easily dodged the avalanche. The chariot was not quite as lucky. She was already wincing before she heard the tell-tale sign of the wooden frame cracking down its center. Darting a glance through her peripheral vision, she saw the barrel falling loose from the heart of the wagon. Duty trumped sanity, and before Rainbow knew it she was unhitching herself from the chariot in mid-air. She planted her hooves against the first solid object they could make contact with—which turned out to be a fallen boulder. Bucking off, she flew like a missile into the barrel and shoved it out of the way of a murderously falling tower.

Thud!

The wagon imploded into wooden splinters and sawdust. Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash and the barrel spiraled towards the thin space of earth afforded to her between the forest of vertical rock columns. It took all the remaining might in her wings, but she managed to pull herself and the barrel at an even angle to the ground's surface upon impact. The rest was up to inertia.

Wh-Whack! The barrel struck first, and then her body. She rolled like a ragdoll for several feet, bumping to a stop against the base of a quivering tower of rock. Wincing, she looked up and gasped.

The canvas bag had untied at the top, and several chunks of gray stone had fallen out of the bag contained inside the barrel.

"Oh jeez oh jeez oh jeez..." Rainbow wheezed. As she got up on wobbling hooves, her ears pricked at the sound of flapping leather wings. All she needed to do was take one twitching glance skyward, and she saw red-scaled bodies circling tighter and tighter around the sea of earthen needles.

Panicking, Rainbow scurried forward like a forraging blue squirrel, picking up all of the pieces she could find. A slab of scales here... a stone talon there... a granite antler along the outer edge of the spill...

The air heated up. Rainbow smelled brimstone and sulfur once again.

With a quiet squeak of joy, Rainbow picked the last of the pieces up and shoved the loose bits back into the canvas bag. As she tied the thing up, she darted her head all around—then did a double-take.

A cleft in the earth loomed a few feet in front of her, leading towards a shadowed hollow at the base of one earthen tower. The shadows doubled, and from the crumbling vibrations Rainbow judged that one of the creatures was perching on the tip of the spire above.

Hoisting the barrel over her backside, Rainbow limped on tingling hooves, moving as swiftly towards the miniature cave as she could. Halfway through the trek, she tripped on something. Looking down, she gasped in mute horror.

She had neglected to pick up one last piece of the delivery's spilled contents. It was a jagged gray horn, about the size of a scimitar.

Rainbow Dash began sweating. It didn't help that two more vibrations shook through the stone forest as the remaining pair of creatures perched alongside their breathern. Slimy, reptilian voices hoarsely echoed through the dense geological maze.

"We lossssssssst it! It flew into this place from the last time I saw."

"Perhapsssssss we roasted it to ashes?!"

"No, you sssssstupid whelp! We would be sssssssmelling pony flessssssh at this point!"

"Then sssssssshe could be anywhere by now! Search the resssssst of this place!"

"You idiotsssss! Don't you get it?! This is just one big dissssstraction! Where issssss the Griffon?! Where is the blasssssssssted mercenary?!"

Panting, Rainbow Dash looked up at the sky. All she saw was smoke and dragonscales. Wincing, she looked at the stone horn, at the cave, then back at the horn. With buckling legs, she scurried over, clamped her teeth over the thing, then carried it and the barrel down into the cleft. Hiding deep inside, she briskly slid the horn into her saddlebag and hugged the barrel, using the object to obscure her figure as she stared out of the hole with blinking ruby eyes.

"Isssssssn't it obvious?! She is in league with the Scourge of Squirrelsssss!"

"That'ssssss exactly what Romulus wants us to think! I'm telling you, thisssssss was all set up to throw ussssss off!"

"If that'sssssss true, then what was she carrying into this place?! Huh?!"

"We'll never find out by sssssssssssitting here and arguing! Big Boss wants the shardssssssss, and he wantsssssss them now!"

"Fine! Fan out! Check the north, east, and south edges of this maze! Cover all edgesssssssss, then meet up at the west end!"

"I ssssssssssay we just fly east to pony landsssssss! Knowing her kind, she'sssssssss frightened stiff by the likes of us, and will be flying home with her tail between her legssssss!"

"Hah hah hah! If it comesssssssss to that, we'll use that as a lasssssssst resort! Now move! Big Boss does not reward slackersssssss!"

The air heated up, accompanied by flapping wings. The shadows darted north, east, and south, leaving behind a clear patch of glowing sunset.

Rainbow Dash did not immediately fly out. She gulped, hugging the barrel with trembling limbs.

She stayed there until nightfall. Peeking her head out, she saw nothing but starlight. Then, fueled by pure adrenaline, she yanked the canvas bag out of the barrel, hoisted it over her shoulders, and darted swiftly west, continuing on to her destination, and hyperventilating all the way...

Ah, Hell

Rainbow was a sweating, heaving mess by the time she reached her destination. She couldn't count how many times in the last three hours alone she could have sworn that the potion was going to wear off and her hooves would become limp as noodles once again. Nevertheless, she persisted against all odds, arriving at the lowest point of a dead valley that lay well below sea level.

From her lofty vantage point, Rainbow spotted what looked like a dense series of campsights. At night, they burned like little orange specks with an unfathomable amount of campfires. Lowering herself down, she realized that the earth was sundered in over a dozen places, and multiple wooden planks, walkways, and platforms had built over these pits. Columns of dark smoke rose out of every crevice in the earth, and Rainbow found it rather cumbersome to breathe straight.

As a result, when she finally touched down, it was almost in a complete collapse. Grunting, Rainbow Dash slapped the sack of loose chunks onto the dusty ground beside her and attempted to lay down for a breather. She instantly regretted it, though, on account of the stony earth feeling so hot that it nearly seared her fuzzy belly.

"Oooh! Aaach! Gaaah!" Rainbow Dash flapped the very tips of her wings, wincing as she hovered inches above the steamy earth. "What in the world?! Where is—"

"A-a-ahem..."

She glanced aside.

A stallion in a cloak was shuffling towards her from a series of tents, using a bladed polearm as a staff. He came to a stop, lowered his hood, and revealed an old, leprotic and thoroughly unamused expression.

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow Dash gulped and waved. "Hi there."

"Mmmmfffnngh..." The stallion squinted. "Hi yourself, Madame." His voice rolled with heavily accented vowels. "Pleeeeeeease tell me that you brought more raw meat for Cerberus."

"Huh?" Rainbow blinked. "No! You don't understand. I've had some nasty creeps on my tail, and—"

"You're not in a very decent place, Milady." Grimy teeth showed from under his muzzle. "Define 'nasty,' if you would be so darling."

"Friggin' dragons, okay?!" Rainbow Dash frowned. "Look, I don't want to be here any longer than I have to. I've got a delivery here for you guys and—"

"Well well well..." Another stallion in a cloak trotted up. "Now there's some color!"

"Getting lost on the edge of the world, eh, bird?" another rasped.

The first stallion hissed at the others. "Methusaleh! Nebachunezzer! Please... be polite." He sighed. "I don't see what the whole pull is for. We all know this place rotted our bits off decades ago."

"Awwww... can't a stallion dream a bit?"

"We had our chances to dream long before our sentences were carried out." He spat aside. "Methusaleh! Go fetch a cart! There may be no rest for the wicked, but at least the living can earn some respite, no?"

"Blargh," Methusaleh blarghed, and trotted off along with Nebachunezzer to do as he was told.

"Nice friends you've got there," Rainbow droned.

"Well, I can't kill them and I can't eat them, so they might as well be." The stallion smirked. "You've obviously been on a long trip. Still, we're going to need you to trot a little distance longer."

"What for?"

"Your bones are obviously equipped to function. Wish I could say the same about mine. When you've breathed in enough brimstone to burn Equestria five times over, it gets a little hard to do a push-up, much less play errand boy."

With a grunt, one of the fellow guards bucked a rickety wagon over. The stallion stopped it with his polearm and pivoted it towards Rainbow Dash. "There ya go, Madame. If you ask me, you should have brought a cart with you."

"I did!" Rainbow grunted as she heaved the sack of rattling parts into the wagon. "But like I said—"

"Dragons, right." He nodded and smirked. "Oh, how I giggle at the terrors of today. Gone are the days of Cosmic Foal Eaters and Hollow Bone Spiders. Now, Equestria has to rely on dragons and manticores and infernal breezies to fuel their imagination. Hah! It's no wonder Luna still hides in the moon!"

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow fidgeted. "Actually, she kind of sorta came back to Equestria and redeemed herself."

"Hah! Sure she did! Next thing you'll tell me, sea serpents can talk to the local populace!"

"Erm..."

"Eh, never you mind." He rolled a sleeve up and extended a gnarled hoof. "Hello, I'm Steve. Welcome to Tartarus."

Yup, Pretty Much Daily

"Hey, uhm, Stuey."

"Steve."

"Er, right, Steve." Rainbow Dash fidgeted, trotting nervously down a shallow incline of rickety wooden planks as she followed the robed stallion into a grand steaming pit. The wagon stuffed with the jagged bag of granite chunks rattled behind her. "About the dragons that were chasing me earlier—"

"I already told you, lady," Steve grunted out his hood as he waved loose a rising column of sulfur. "Here at the gates of Tartarus, we deal with demons, incubi, succubi, trolls, ogres, orcs, chupacabras, vampires, and the occasional golem or two..."

"But—"

"Dragons are sentient beings without a single drop of demonically tainted blood. According to Equestrian Law, they are not bound by the rules of Tartarusian Imprisonment. But, hey! Give it a decade or two! Legislation could totally change!"

"That's not the point! I'm just saying—"

"Like the Small Creatures Act of twenty years ago!" Steve cackled. "The Canterlotlian Senate voted that parasprites were innocent victims of circumstances and then the little winged scampes were given full pardon! Hahahah... hooooooo boy I hope somepony got assassinated for that one."

"What I'm trying to say is that these dragons had a very big interest in burning me to a friggin' crisp!" Rainbow said through a frown.

"What, did you spit in their morning oatmeal or some crap?!"

"No!" Rainbow exclaimed. "They wanted to roast me and peel the delivery off my battered, burned corpse!"

"That certainly sounds efficient to me."

"Don't you care at all about what's going on here?!" Rainbow Dash panted as the temperature along the wooden walkway grew hotter and hotter. She stared down but could see nothing but glowing red molten earth. "They kept dropping this name of someone named 'Big Boss.'"

"A name like that, you gotta be compensating for something."

"You ever heard of a 'Big Boss' in your days of working the... er... super graveyard shift?"

"Look, lady, the only boss I answer to is the one that can lower and raise the Sun." Steve glanced lethargically back at her. "Not that it matters much to me. I haven't seen an inch of sunlight since I made a career out of dying here."

"Just... h-how old are you, anyway?"

"Let's just say that when I was drafted to fight the griffons for seven years, there were only four digits in my registry number."

"We... uh... we're no longer at war with the griffons."

"No?"

"Not for..." Rainbow squinted. "...three hundred years."

"Really? Well, jeez, no longer I have so much trouble pissing while standing up."

"Uhhhh..."

"Hey! Here we go!" Steve approached a tiny wooden shack on stilts and knocked against a crooked door on rusted hinges. "Customs. This is about as far as you need to go."

"You sure?" Rainbow squinted. "If it's alright by you, I kind of want to make sure this delivery gets to where it's headed."

"Trust me, Toots." Steve winked at her. "You don't wanna go where this thing is headed."

"Uhhh..."

Suddenly, with a creak, the door opened. A gnarled face looked out, one eye gray and scarred. "Yeah, what do you want?"

"Baal-rafar!" The robed stallion smiled. "We've got a delivery from Canterlot!"

"Dammit, Steve," the pony from the other side grumbled. "It's Cameron. Baal-rafar is enjoying his day off."

"For Cocytus' sake!" Steve hissed. "You two should wear color-coordinated baseball caps. I swear..."

"Ungh... why are you bothering me right now, Steve?"

"I done told you, Cammy." Steve pointed back at Rainbow's wagon. "We've got a delivery from Canterlot." He squinted. "The delivery."

Cameron's one good eye twitched. He slammed the door shut. Rummaging sounds could be heard from the other side. Seconds later, the door to the shack opened the rest of the way. Cameron shuffled backwards, his legs uneven and emaciated. "Bring it in. And be snappy about it."

"Good thing we have a pony who's good at snapping in two!" Steve gestured at Rainbow Dash. "After you."

"Wow..." The pegasus grunted, picking up the heavy satchel and heaving it through the thin door. "What a friggin' gentleman."

"In a place like this, you find the 'gentle' parts melt right off after long."

"Yeah, no kidding." Rainbow Dash trotted into a cramped interior with a large verticale chute located in the center. "Uhm..."

"Mmmgnhhh..." Cameron hobbled by and gripped a lever with his hoof. "Down the hatch."

"Oh." Rainbow blinked. Exhaling heavily, she slapped the large satchel onto the center of a metal trap door. "Like so?"

"Yuppers." Grinting, Cameron jerked at his lever.

The top of the chute opened with flapping doors. Less than a second later—PHWOOMB!—a plume of flames erupted from the throat of the thing. Rainbow Dash flinched helplessly. She shivered until Steve patted her reassuringly on the back.

"See?" He chuckled. "All gone."

"Yeah." Rainbow nodded. Rainbow exhaled and stood up, at ease. "Y-yeah. You're right. All gone."

"Carry your sap circus elsewhere," Cameron grunted, hobbling back to a lone stool flanking a wide window that looked over a flaming abyss stretched far below the shack. "I've got work to do."

"Yes, and it looks soooooo time-consuming," Steve grunted.

"Meh. You're just mad that you got moved to surface duty."

"Beats the smell of dire rats crapping in my morning porridge."

"One of the small joys of this place."

"Whatever you say, Baal."

"Cameron."

"Uh huh." Steve closed the shack door behind himself and Rainbow Dash. "There..." He pointed up the slanted wooden incline. "Just trot up the way you came. Go home. Take a long shower. You won't have to smell this place ever again... unlessssssss of course you inexplicably become infused with pure chaos energy and suffer the fate of a demonically transformed equine with no recourse but to spread malice and death wherever you go, and then maybe we'll be sending armored troops out to wrangle you here for eternity."

"Riiiiight..." Rainbow Dash sighed. "Yeesh, you guys need to get out more."

"And you need to relax back in the land where you get to pick daisies and nuzzle kittens."

"Meh." Rainbow frowned and prepared to trot away.

"Hey..." Steve tugged on her tail, forcing the pegasus to glance back. "I know you're all steamed and scared piss-less about the dragons and the brimstone and all the junk in between. But take some advice from a guy who's seen it all, and most of it ending up here all rotten and moldy." He cleared his throat and then took a bold step forward, glaring into her eyes. "Give it up."

She blinked. "Give what up?"

"You know what." His blistered brow furrowed. "I dunno what they're paying you or what you think is worth getting your hide roasted to protect, but whatever it is... it ain't worth it." He pointed all around the wooden support beams and vents of sulfur. "None of this... is worth it. Stay in Equestria where it's happy, green, and mushy. You'll be happier that way."

"And who said I was doing any of this exclusively for myself?" Rainbow droned.

"Oh, blast me to Leviathan's prostate..." Steve chuckled, shook his head, and limped down the plank away from her. "You're in a worst place than I'll ever be! Lemme tell you! Hah!"

Rainbow Dash stared after him, her muzzle agape. She eventually shrugged it off, sighed, and trudged slowly back up the plank, carrying her heavy saddlebag along with her.

A Full Roasted Day

Thud!

Rainbow Dash slammed the door shut to her lofty apartment home. Outside, the night sky hung off lazy beams of starlight. Rainbow teetered left and right, her feathers twitching from the long distance flight. Bruises and splotches of singed fur blemished her body in random spots, and her mane smelled of sulfur and brimstone.

"Mmmmmnghuuuu..." Rainbow tried to shuffle forward, only to trip and stumble a few trotting steps. It wasn't that her hooves tingled, but the sheer exhaustion of the day was wearing every blue ounce of her thin. With a grumbling tone, she wove a serpentine path from the front of the house to her bedroom. She passed portraits, tables, even the bathroom. Her steps quickened by the time she reached her destination. With yanking motions, she stripped of her saddlebag, flapped her wings once, and practically launched herself onto the fluffy mattress of her cloud bed.

Fwommmp!

"Hmmmmffffhhh-yeahhhhhhh..." Rainbow smiled, nuzzling the bedsheets with a fuzzy cheek. "So... achey..." Her muzzle scrunched as she sputtered, "Smell like dragon turds. Gotta wash off. Gotta take a shower." She stirred... stirred again... and only sank deeper into the mattress. "Hrmmmmmm... tomorrow morning..." She yawned. "Or maybe after I'm dead." She yawned again. "Heehee... such sweet, comfy death..."

She spun over, wrapping the blankets along with her until she was cocooned tightly in the duvet. With her forelimbs curled to her chest, she droned tiredly to the walls in a breathy murmur.

"Just... s-so glad... that all of the horribad crap is behind me..." That said, she drifted off to sleep, her petite body rising and falling in quiet motions.

Several feet away, covered in shadow, Rainbow's saddlebag lingered. All was silent, until something shifted--more like jumped--across the inside of the satchel. A pouch popped open, and something silver slid out. With an errant rattle, a granite horn settled to a stop along the floor, and then stood eerily still.

The night rolled on in dead silence.

Appledashery

The nifty thing about Rainbow's life is that even when it hit rock bottom—even when things became downright tragic—it was still all for the best. She was in for a lot of confusion, perhaps even a lot of pain. She faced all of her obstacles without fear, and that's what kept her going, even when all she wanted to do was sigh.

Perhaps this was because she liked to live in the moment. Maybe it was because she allowed herself to be simple-minded and naive enough to see only the potential awesomeness in everything and none of the consequences.

But perhaps, instead, it was love—something that went far beyond obession, that went far beyond admiration, that went far beyond any mortal attempt to describe the many traits of deep adoration.

I like to think that—deep down inside—even Rainbow Dash knew the truth that I know now.

Beyond the adventures, the tangents, the escapades, and the near-brushes with death, Rainbow somehow knew...

...that it all ended with them cuddling.

==Part Seven: A Rainbow in the Horn Section==

==Part Seven: A Rainbow in the Horn Section==

Huffing and puffing, Rainbow Dash galloped under glittering night. Ahead of her, a hill with apple groves flickered under the amber hues of a blazing fire. A thick column of smoke rose, blotting out the moonlight above.

"Oh jeez... oh jeez..." Rainbow Dash whimpered. She jumped multiple times, flapping her wings in a desperate bid to fly. She fell down every time. Her wings were useless; of course they were useless. "OmigoshOmigoshOmigosh!" She gulped and fought the urge to cry. "Please be alive! Please don't be dead!"

At last, she galloped over the crest of the hill. It was no easy task. Her legs gave way once she reached the summit, and she fell forward onto her chest, grunting. Looking up, she allowed her eyesight to come into focus—then immediately wished she hadn't.

Sweet Apple Acres was a smoldering mess. The barn, the hen house, and the other nearby structures had all burned to the ground. As horrifying a sight this was, Rainbow Dash desperately scanned and scanned the surviving patches of ground until she found four bodies and a canine huddled together.

"Applejack!" Breathless, Rainbow slid the rest of the way down hill. Her legs gave out again. So, with tingling limbs, she crawled the rest of the way, slumping to a stop beside the farm family. "Applejack, listen... I'm sorry... I-I'm so... so sorry..."

"Sorry? Not as sorry as I am, I reckon." Applejack turned, her eyes glossy with tears that reflected the ongoing blaze. "You th-think I wanted any of this to happen?! My whole life is ruined now, thanks to you!"

Rainbow Dash winced, her ears folded over her trembling head. "Applejack, please, don't cry. You're so strong... so capable..." She gulped. "You have no idea how much it tears me up inside to see you sad..."

"Like you care!" Applejack snapped, causing Granny Smith and Apple Bloom to flinch. "You took everythang from me, Rainbow!" Tears streamed down Applejack's face as she snarled. "Ya shoulda known that there'd be dragons chasin' after you! What business didja have in truckin' all that shadowy junk around, huh?! They flew here breathin' fire on everythang cuz they were comin' after you! Now look what's become of everythang I believe in!"

"Please... AJ, you have to understand..." Rainbow Dash gulped, pointing at her useless wings. "I didn't want this to happen! I needed money to b-buy potions to keep me flying long enough to find another cure besides that stupid operation!"

"You were thinkin' about nothin' but yerself..."

"I wanted to be strong, Applejack!" Rainbow Dash hissed through chattering teeth. "I wanted to be strong, like you! I wanted to be the kind of pony that... th-that you might have w-wanted to be with..." She stared down at the grass, sniffling. "A pony worthy of being on your level. I totally couldn't do that without my wings. The blasted operation wasn't even enough to give me the legs I wanted. Please, you have to understand..."

"What I understand is what I see right here in front of me!" Applejack shouted. "A coward! A selfish, misguided, plum-stupid coward! You actually think I'd ever would have loved you?! I don't even like mares, ya feather-brained ass!"

"Applejack, please..." Rainbow Dash fought the urge to sob, stretching a hoof forward. "I... I had such wonderful dreams..."

"Well, you should have k-kept dreamin'!" Applejack stumbled back to Big Macintosh's side as smoke enveloped her quivering figure. "You were selfish and foolish and I hate you! I hate you! I dun care if you wallow by your lonesome forever!"

"Applejack, wait! Don't go!" Rainbow Dash plunged helplessly forward through the gathering smoke. "Forgive me! I beg you! I-I just wanted a chance to know you more! I wanted a chance to... to..." She fell to her chest, every limb in her body going numb. "Applejack, don't leave! You're all I have... all I want!" She clutched her skull as the sound of dragon wings echoed louder and louder through the blazing smoke. "Please! I don't want to be alone! I hate being alone! I hate—"

Rainbow's wet eyes fluttered open.

She lay in bed, smelling of sweat, grit, and tears. Her body laid across tangled bedsheets.

Groaning into the deathly quiet of her cloud home, she sat straight up, teetering dizzily. Bringing a hoof to her face, she rubbed her eyes, then glanced at her forelimb. The beads of tears slid down to her fetlock.

"Nnnnngh..." She sighed, hanging her head in the shadows. "...friggin' idiot."

Silence.

Rainbow squirmed. She brought her forelimb up again and flexed the crook of her hoof. Tingling sensations ran down to her spine, ribboning out in every direction.

"Hrmmm..." Her muzzle tightened and untightened. "Looks like it's time for Dosage Number Two, Zecora." Taking a deep breath, Rainbow Dash slid out of bed and shuffled limply across the floor. "Guess today I go shopping—Whoah crap!" Thud!

Rainbow lay on the middle of her floor after having tripped on something.

"Guh... mnnngh..." She sat up, rubbing her flank. "What in the crap?!" She glared towards the floor.

A gray stone horn lay between her bed and her opened saddlebag.

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to speak, but lingered. She scratched her head, blinked, then reached a hoof out. Gently, she picked the long shard up, turning it over in the crook of her hoof. It was a small thing, with one sharp end and a dull base from where it had been snapped off. Staring closely at it, she saw porous little holes, as if the thing was made out of limestone.

Tonguing the inside of her cheek, Rainbow Dash stood up on wobbly legs, shuffled across the room to a table, and stood the horn up on its flat base. It stretched ceilingward like a jagged obelisk on the edge of table. Without thinking, Rainbow reached over and twisted it around, as if making sure it caught the light better.

After a few seconds, she rolled her eyes and shuffled back to the saddlebag. She picked the thing up and prepared to hoist it over to a nearby coat wrack. In so doing, however, a familiar envelope slid out. Rainbow scooped it up, but paused suddenly. Blinking, she pulled the envelope flat open, peering inside. Tilting the thing about, she realized there was something else inside the envelope besides the map. It was a tiny strip of paper tucked away into the far corner.

"The fuzz...?!"

In a swift jerking motion, Rainbow knocked the paper loose. She held it in the flat of her hoof and used her teeth to unfold the thing. On the tiny strip was a note, scribbled hastily in glaring red ink:

"Romulus, do not tarry with this task. The whelps of Big Boss want these shards. They're not the only ones. Don't let the idiot young guard at Canterlot fool you. This package is very, very hot." ~Noir

Rainbow blinked. She lowered the note and gazed thoughtfully out the sunlit window to her bedroom.

"... ... ..."

Part Seven: A Rainbow in the Horn Section
(That Part Where You Wonder if Dash Has Actually Lost It)

Draconian Book Club

"'Big Boss?'" Twilight Sparkle clapped a book shut and turned around from her podium with a scrunched face. "That doesn't sound like much of a dragon name."

"Well, could there be a dragon translation for it?" Rainbow asked. She sat on a stool across the library from Twilight, adjusting the weight of the saddlebag over her shoulders. "Cuz I know just as well as you do that most real dragon names are—like—super long and tongue twisting." She contorted her muzzle melodramatically. "Verimaxxatriul Lamerooso Awesomedraalaga... y'know, crap like that."

"Now that's an overgeneralization if I ever heard one," Twilight said, smirking.

"Oh yeah?" Rainbow leaned forward. "Just how did Spike get his name?"

"I... uhm..." Twilight fidgeted, avoiding Rainbow's gaze. "N-named him myself."

"After what, a hoofball move?"

"No!" Twilight shifted left and right, then cleared her throat. "After an imaginary friend I-I may have once had..." She kneaded the wooden floor with tender lavender hooves. "...as a filly."

"Sounds like a dude's name, Twi."

"No, it was a peacock."

"Pffft! You had a peacock for an imaginary friend?"

"So?!" Twilight frowned. "I happen to like peacocks! I think they're cute!"

"An imaginary peacock named Spike?!" Rainbow snorted.

"Grrr..." Twilight stomped a hoof down. "As if you're not one to fantasize, Rainbow!"

"Heheheh—" Rainbow instantly blanched. Sweating, she cleared her throat and muttered, "What... wh-what do you mean, by—?"

"Sorry to butt in..." Spike shuffled into the room, carrying a tall stack of books. "But I couldn't help but overhear your conversation about red dragon whelps."

"I'm sure it's nothing, Spike," Rainbow Dash said. She glared at Rainbow. "Most of us like to have ponies entertain our imaginations, but only half of us are so lucky."

"I didn't imagine it!" Rainbow protested. "I... uh..." She squirmed atop her stool. "I... overheard it... y'know... while doing my deliveries?"

"For Banner Company?" Twilight asked. "They don't go anywhere near dragon lands, though!"

"Well, this time they totally did!" Rainbow nervously smiled. "And some of the clients I delivered parcels for—uhh—told me to be on the look out for a bunch of red drakes working for a dragon dude named 'Big Boss.'"

"Well, that's what I thought I overheard!" Spike said, nodding with a smirk. "So that's why I brought you these!" He shoved the tower of books Rainbow's way. "Tadaaaa!"

Rainbow glared at him with flat eyebrows. "Spike, you know me. What am I supposed to do with these? Practice pole vaulting over them?"

"You'll be surprised what you find out once you do a bit of reading, Rainbow!" Spike said with a smile. "During my off-time, when I'm not fishing, baking crystal cakes, or smelling my own feet, I like to read up on dragon languages. Eheheh... can you guess why? Ahem. All you need to know about dragon names and known draconian language patterns can be found in here! Plus, I think you'll find a lot of the material entertaining, not to mention fundamental! But don't take my word for it!"

Four guitar chords climaxed in rapid succession.

The ponies and the dragon flinched, then looked over their shoulders.

Pinkie Pie leaned through an open window with a guitar. "What?!" She smiled and strummed a few more chords. "I'm adding to the atmosphere!"

"Errr... right..." Rainbow turned to smile at Spike. "That's really nifty of you, Spike, but seriously... this is a bit much." Her voice cracked as she leaned forward and scooped two tomes off the top of the pile. "Howwwwwww 'bout I just make like Fluttershy and, y'know, baby step it. Sound good?"

"Hey, whatever floats your boat." Spike shrugged and walked towards the other end of the room. "Why someone wouldn't want to spend an entire evening reading about dragon stuff is beyond me..."

Twilight rolled her eyes, smiled, and looked Rainbow's way. "I, for one, am glad that you're showing some intellectual interest in extra-equine culture. Life's too short to spend it unenlightened, Rainbow."

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow smirked as she swung her saddlebag around and unclasped the satchel to slide the books in. "You know me, one way or another, I'm always wanting to be... ahead... of... th-the curve..." He muzzle froze in place, as did her whole body.

"Well, if it suits you, then it suits me!" Twilight said with an errant giggle.

"Yeah... neatly pressed... suits..." Rainbow reached into the bag and slowly pulled out a long granite horn. "How... in the flaming buck did you get in here again...?!"

"Hmm? Is something wrong, Rainbow?"

"Nope!" Rainbow shoved the horn and the books deep into the saddlebag, smiling a sweaty grin. "I just... g-gotta get going!"

"Awwww..." Twilight's ears folded. "More deliveries? Wow, Rainbow, you're a regular workaholic lately!"

"No, not that." Rainbow grunted as she tightened the saddlebag around her figure once more, shuddering quietly from the weight of the stone shard inside. "I... uh... got some rounds to do..."

"Oh? You mean like through the air? Practicing for the Wonderbolts?"

"No, I mean..." Rainbow sighed. "...in the marketplace..."

"Rainbow, do you actually shop?"

"I dunno, Twilight. Do you pee standing up?!" Swoosh!

What's In a Name, Though?

“Let’s see now…” Rainbow Dash sat back in a tree, hanging her saddlebag off a lower branch beside her. Propping one of Spike’s books atop her belly, she reclined lazily and scanned the lines on the open page. “‘For thousands of years, dragons have existed in Equestria--far longer than ponykind. It’s believed that dragons even dwelled upon the flat plane of the world before the alicorns began their rule in Equestria.’ Dang it, book!”

She flipped several pages ahead, groaning in frustration.

“Everypony knows the world is flat! Get to the stuff on dragonspeak.”

She came a stop, her fuzzy blue ears perking up.

“Ah! Here we go. ‘Dragon Languages and Discourse.’”

Rainbow squinted, leaning her head up to get a better look at the pages. “Hmmmm… blah blah blah… yadda yadda yadda… ‘Draconian phonetics are beyond equine pronunciation...’” She frowned. “Then what’s the friggin’ point?!”

Several more page flips later.

“‘...in attempting to branch ambassadorial relationships between ponies and dragons, Starswirl the Bearded created an enduring lexicon of words that could approximate the meaning of dragonspeech.’ Oh!”

Rainbow slapped the book shut, shoved it into the dangling satchel, and reached in for another. “That must be this thingy right here!” She opened the new tome up. “Ah! Sweet! A dictionary…” She squinted. “Sort of.” Refocusing her eyes, she pivoted the book left and right, flipped around, then found a page of interest. “Here we go. ‘B’.” She ran a hoof down the page. “Bee… Best… Bit… Ah ha! Big!” She squinted at the page. “‘Aaata, in the Red Drake language.’” She blinked. “Well, that sounds right, seeing as they had red scales and all. Now what about ‘Boss?’” She flipped a few pages. “Hrmmmm… there we go. Big... ‘Xehh, also Red Rake.’” She squinted curiously towards the horizon. “‘Aaata Xehh?’ Well, that doesn’t sound all too menacing.”

It was around this point that her eyes caught a glaring footnote at the bottom.

“Hmmm… what’s this?” She tilted the book closer to her face. “‘Unlike Equestrian basic, most forms of Dragonspeech--most especially Red and Orange drake--have double meanings. For example, the combination of two words, pronounced with the first syllable stressed, can produce a newer definition, typically used as a form of title or social designation.”

She rubbed her chin in thought. Then, tossing the book back into her satchel, she brought out a third one, a pure dictionary of draconian terms.

“Please tell me something… please tell me something…”

It didn’t take long to reach the ‘A’ section. She squinted at a word towards the bottom of the right page. “‘Aatxe, a name traditionally meaning ‘Fire Lord of Unrelenting Death.’” Her blue face paled. “Ohhhhhh…” She buried her muzzle into the book. “Why did you have to tell me that something?!”

She heard a rattling sound.

Curious, she pulled the book off her face, blinking. Rainbow Dash looked to her side.

The satchel was swaying back and forth… but there was no wind.

Biting her lip, Rainbow reached out and pulled the satchel open just a bit. Situated beside the other two books was the pale granite horn.

Half a minute passed, and Rainbow shuddered. “Yeah, Zecora. I think I need to get that next dose right about now…”

Just as she was about to pocket the dictionary away, she heard a voice shouting from a distance--and it was a voice that threw her heart into a panic and a throb all at once.

”Con sarn it! Get the heck out of here! I done told y’all never to come here to this farm again!”

Rainbow’s voice cracked through a trembling muzzle. “Applejack…?!”

Her hairs stood on end. With one jolt, she kipped up from the branch, slipped the saddlebag onto her flank, tightened it, and dove off the tree branch. She rocketed furiously towards Sweet Apple Acres beyond the nearest hill, dragging leaves and blades of grass along with her rapid flight.

Batty

"Applejack!"

The farm mare in question spun around from where she was fitting together a convoluted net-catapult system along the fringes of the farm.

Fluttershy flew towards her, followed shortly by Big Macintosh on galloping hooves.

"I came as soon as Big Mac told me about your problem!" Fluttershy touched down, blanching at the sight of the thick, fibrous net. "Oh dear! You're not going to hurt the poor little things, are you?"

Applejack's green eyes darted at the net, then back at Fluttershy. "Darned if I'm sorely tempted to this time every year. But naw, Fluttershy. I ain't about to severely hurt no critters..." She smiled warmly. "Y'all should know me better than that."

"Oh..." Fluttershy exhaled, blinking. She glanced at the stallion next to her. "Because from the way Big Macintosh described it, I was most certain you were going to trample the vampire fruit bats to dust."

Big Macintosh winced, his pupils shrinking to pinpricks.

Applejack glared at him. "That's what he said to ya, huh?"

"Ehm..." Big Macintosh wheezed, slowly backing away from his young sister. "Eenope...?"

"Funny, Big Mac used to talk an awful lot around me," Applejack said behind a scowl. "But now he's fixin' to be givin' other mares an earful... and with a heapin' helpin' of exaggerration to boot."

"I... erm... uhh..." Big Macintosh was sweating.

"Snkkkt—eh heh heh heh!" Applejack slapped the ground and chuckled. "Ah, Macky! I'm just teasin' ya! I swear, you've been awfully easy to fluster as of late."

Big Macintosh gulped hard, glancing nervously at Fluttershy. The dainty pegasus let loose a giggle, then flew over to Applejack's side.

"I have to say, Applejack, you're in a much better mood now than during the last three times the vampire fruit bats have visited."

Applejack was too busy whistling to herself while she fixed the net.

Fluttershy blinked. "Uhm... Applejack?"

"Hmmm?" The farm mare glanced over. She smirked. "Oh. Reckon yer right." She shrugged. "Things are goin' really well for the farm as of late. Ain't that right, Big Mac?"

"Heh... eeyup."

"Well, you do have a good point," Fluttershy said. "I guess it was wrong of me to panic."

"Nah, Fluttershy. I don't blame ya for worryin'." Applejack sighed. "And, truth is, I was in uglier sorts earlier."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. But then Rainbow Dash stopped on by to lend some help. I didn't ask for it, but I'll be darned if I try talkin' that stubborn pegasus out of doin' her loyalty thang."

Fluttershy's wide eyes blinked. "I see." She gulped. "So... Rainbow Dash was here... to help you...?"

"Yup. I'm figurin' that once she rounds up the creatures, they'll be so plum exhausted that we can fire this net at them, then carry the varmints safely to the Everfree Forest where they can freely munch on whatever they darn-well please. See? It ain't such a bad solution after all!"

"I guess not..." Fluttershy fidgeted. "So... where is Rainbow now?"

"Over the south fields, I'm willin' to bet. Chasin' the bats down to their last sweat. Heh... Y'know how the gal lurves a good challenge!" Applejack smirked. "She's probably enjoyin' the heck out of the moment right now!"

"You flank-gobbling scum-sucking demon-humping winged pieces of rat crud!" Rainbow Dash growled, her mane sprinkled with leaves, twigs, and copious amounts of mud. "C'mere!"

The bats shrieked back at her, taunting the pegasus with their zig-zagged movements through the trees. Rainbow Dash pursued them like a tomahawk missile, taking angry swipes with her forelimbs. Every time she punched the air, the bats simply skirted out of range, spitting raspberries back at her as they scattered across the groves and made for the furthest part of the acres.

"Rrrrrrgh! Mess with AJ's farm, will you?!" The saddlebags shifted around Rainbow's sides, giving her extra momentum as she swung around the outer edges of the farm. "I'm gonna teach each and every one of you the meaning of blue fuzzy pain!" She hollered, her nostrils flaring. "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa—!!!"

"Come to think of it, Rainbow's been awfully helpful as of late," Applejack said from where she rolled the catapult into place. Grunting, she parked the wheels of the vehicle with a wooden log and dusted her hooves off. "Maybe her workaholicism is spreadin' or somethin'. Silly girl just doesn't want to stop bein' useful, ya reckon?"

"Erm... uhm..." Fluttershy stared down at her hooves.

"Did I ever tell ya that about two and a half weeks ago, she stopped by one afternoon just to help me buck apples around the farm?" Applejack smirked. "She even hung out after dark, sweatin' and strainin' away! Land's sakes! I never thought that pegasus would give up an opportunity to catch some Z's, but suddenly she was all about farmwork! My kind of farmwork!"

"Eheheh..." Fluttershy bit her lip as a bulb of sweat ran down her temple. "You don't say? That is most... most interesting, Applejack."

Big Macintosh raised an eyebrow at that.

"All Rainbow asked for was a bucket of apples, which was just like takin' a sneeze out of the grand harvest that we got done that evening. Heck, I kind of feel terrible about it, figurin' that she deserved far more than that as a reward." Applejack froze in place, staring towards a fixed point on the horizon. "Funny... that was only a few days before we got a new investor out of a Trottingham fella named Fancy Pants."

Big Macintosh blinked.

Fluttershy bowed her head, wincing heavily as a tiny, tiny squeal issued under her teeth.

Applejack rubbed her chin in thought. Her eyes darted left... then right... then she shrugged. "Ah well! Just a lucky, lucky month, I suppose!"

Fluttershy exhaled heavily. "Whew..."

"Still, though, I wonder what Rainbow Dash did with all of them pies—"

"Hey!" Fluttershy suddenly squeaked with an awkward grin. "Who wants some tea?" She grinned at Big Macintosh. "Would you like some tea, Big Mac?"

The stallion opened his mouth—then paused.

Fluttershy grinned and grinned at him, her eyebrows twitching.

Fidgeting, Big Mac nodded towards his sister. "Yup yup yup!"

Applejack blinked. "Well, alrighty then!" She trotted toward the barn with a happy bounce. "I don't see why not. It's a nice, sunny, peaceful day."

"Yaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgh!" Rainbow Dash dive-kicked her way towards a cluster of fruit bats.

The creatures clustered together until the last second, then split apart with errant, mischievous squeaks. Rainbow Dash struck the soil of Sweet Apple Acres, forming a tiny mushroom cloud of prismatic dust and loose clumps of earth.

As the haze cleared, Rainbow Dash lay in the crater, moaning into the rich dark sediment.

"Unnnngh... friggin' sky rats..." She winced, her eyes rolling. "Mustn't... fail... AJ..."

She tried to get up, only to slump hard to the ground with a wheezing breath. She tried moving her limbs, but all she felt was a numb tingling in her hooves, followed by a dull dizziness that spread through her upper body.

"Erm..." She gulped, her skin flushed red. "Uh oh..."

Applejack Approves

"And after another month or two, we can finally give Granny the operation she needs for her hip replacement," Applejack said from where she sat on a wooden stool on the farm house's front porch. She leaned forward with a bright smile. "I'm tellin' ya, Fluttershy, it's like a dream come true! Well... almost, that is..." She chuckled breathily, cupping a mug of tea in the crook of her orange hoof and lifting it to her muzzle. "There's still the chance that someday I'll settle down and have some foals of my own. But for the first time in my whole life, it's really lookin' and feelin' like the family's gonna have things all squared away!" She took a sip, swallowed, and added with a warm smile. "And the families to come from it!"

"Heheh..." Big Mac rolled his eyes and sipped from his own mug. "Eeeeyup."

"Don't you roll yer eyes at me, Macky!" Applejack half-frowned. "Just because I've been a hard workin' pony all this time doesn't mean I don't want a day to come when I can finally make the use of it!" She turned to smile at Fluttershy. "And besides, there's Apple Bloom's future that we can finally rest easy about. Why, I swear, Fluttershy, for a moment there I was afraid we weren't gonna earn the funds she needed to get the best education this part of Equestria has to offer."

"Wow, Applejack..." Fluttershy smiled from where she sat besides Big Mac, cupping a mug daintily in her two hooves. "I am so, so very happy for you. And for the whole family."

"Mmmmhmmm..." Applejack took a sip then quietly said, "And extra special happy for Big Macintosh, I reckon."

Big Mac spat out his last sip. He reeled on his stool, wheezing.

Fluttershy bit her lip, trying her best not to blush—and failing. "I... uhm... well... that is..."

"Oh please, Fluttershy, relax, won't ya?" Applejack placed her mug down onto a table and leaned back with an easy grin. "That was meant more of a jab to Big Macintosh than anypony. But let's face it. There ain't no point in keepin' it a secret. Besides, I know my big brother... and everyday I aim to watch him like a hawk." She winked. "The two of ya have been seein' each other for an awful long time now, haven't ya?"

"Applejack, don't get the wrong idea. It's..." Fluttershy bit her lip, fought an inward squeal, and eventually blurted, "It's not like you think..."

Big Mac coughed.

Fluttershy glanced awkwardly at him.

"Ain't it, though?" Applejack tilted her hat forward. "And, really, Fluttershy—even if it was somethang a great deal heavier than 'I think,' do you really think I'm the kind of mare to disapprove?"

"I, uh..." Fluttershy jolted, glancing up with wide eyes. "Huh?" Big Macintosh was also leaning forward.

"Fluttershy, I love ya more than life itself, girl," Applejack said. "Apple Bloom and Granny Smith think the world of ya. Every pony in this here town knows you'd risk everything to save a pony in need. Yer kind, yer polite, yer respectable as all get out. And, to be perfectly honest, yer the darn prettiest mare Equestria has to show off. Why wouldn't I be tickled pink to have you gettin' along so well with my big brother. To be perfectly honest, I'm happy for the two of ya... and a might bit surprised you two haven't gotten together sooner."

"S-sooner?"

"Why, back when y'all were foals, and Granny Smith found yer poor tremblin' self in the countryside after you had fallen all the way from Cloudsdale, she just about played matchmaker then and there—"

"AJ!" Big Macintosh blurted through a frown, almost making Fluttershy jump.

"What?!" Applejack fought the urge to snicker. "I thought it was plum adorable! She had ya walk Fluttershy to the City Hall so her parents could pick her up! You were a perfect little gentlecolt—or so Granny tells me."

"You know what...?" Fluttershy gasped, her muzzle agape. "I do remember that!" Fluttershy turned to gaze at Big Mac next to her. "I was so weak in the knees from taking care of so many animals after my fall. I could barely walk. You let me ride on your back as you walked us all the way into downtown Ponyville."

"Awwwwwwwww..." Applejack fiddled with her ponytail, grinning from ear to ear. "Shucks! I didn't know about that part!"

Big Macintosh bit his lip, his freckles disappearing against his red coat. "I... uhm... d-didn't want her to get her little hooves bruised..."

"Hmmm-hee-hee-hee..." Fluttershy leaned in to nuzzle him. "Now I know why you have an apple half for a cutie mark."

The stallion looked down at her. "Why's that?"

Fluttershy smiled rosily. "Because you're always so full of sharing..." She winked. "And caring..."

Big Mac gulped and chuckled to himself, avoiding her gaze. "Well, sometimes I just can't help it... especially around you..."

Applejack whistled, causing the two ponies to look at her. "Oh, don't mind me," she murmured into her hoof as she leaned against the table. "Just amazes me, is all."

"What does?" Fluttershy asked.

"Big Mac." Applejack smiled. "Talkin' more than two words to another pony outside the family." She smirked at Fluttershy. "Guess that makes you one of us, sugarcube."

At that, Big Mac and Fluttershy cleared their throats, leaning noticeably away from each other.

"Let's not... erm... j-jump to any conclusions there, Applejack," Fluttershy breathed.

"Eeeyup."

"Heh... don't mind me. I just wanted to make sure you guys didn't think I was opposed to whatever sweet thang you've got going."

"And... we're happy to know that you're happy with us," Fluttershy said. Suddenly she blinked. "Oh dear." She glanced at the catapult situated a few feet away from the porch. "The vampire fruit bats! We've been having tea this whole time. Could they have caused more damage to your crops?"

"Oh, shoot... Where's my mind, lately?!" Applejack jumped up, causing Big Mac to flinch. "I swear by my corn husks! My head's full of straw!" She straightened her hat on her head and squinted up to the sky. "Y'know, come to think of it... I wonder how Rainbow Dash is managin' without me..."

Stoned

"Mmmmmmnnghhh... red ribbon..." Rainbow Dash purred into the high grass bordering the edge of Sweet Apple Acres. Her legs curled up to her fuzzy chest as she turned over in the sunlight. "Lemme... h-help you with that, AJ..." She smiled... smiled some more... then opened her eyes.

She saw rows and rows of trees.

A blink—and Rainbow Dash gasped. "Oh horsefeathers!" She shot up, hitting her head on a low-hanging branch. Whack! "Ow!" Rubbing her scalp, she looked all around, panicking. "Oh jeez! Oh jeez! I dozed off! H-how could I have f-fallen asleep?! I'd promised to help Applejack!" She hyperventilated, staring down at her numb, tingling hooves. "Frig! Maybe it's 'cuz of the potion wearing off! Darn it! I should have gone to the market before I even came here. But I didn't even know I would be coming here. But... but..."

With a prolonged growl, she clenched her skull and hissed into the air.

"Stupid stupid stupid! How could you be so weak?! She'll never forgive you for this! She'll never—"

She heard several high-pitched shrieks.

Looking up, she blinked.

An entire flock of vampire fruit bats hung from a large apple tree. Their apathetic eyes stared at her.

Rainbow Dash snarled, raising her forelimbs. "Don't look at me like that! I'm still in the game, ya apple-sucking leathertards! Which one of you wants to take me on?! Huh?! Let's have at it! Equano y guano! Your move!"

Several of the larger bats hissed virulently. They spread their wings, preparing to swoop down at the noisy pegasus. All of the sudden, their eyes widened. The entire flock twitched, jerked, and flew upwards with frightened squeaks. The group made a bee-line for the northern horizon, abandoning the farm altogether.

"Yeah! That's right! You'd better run!" Rainbow Dash shouted. She smirked to herself... then blinked. "Wait... why are they running?"

It was then that Rainbow Dash realized something. Her saddlebag was feeling significantly lighter, as if half the weight was gone. Nervously, she reached a hoof back and filled through one satchel... and then the next.

"Huh...?!" She gasped. "Wait! Where is it?! Where is..."

Her tail brushed up against something beneath her.

She turned and looked down, and a tiny breath squeaked from the base of her throat.

There stood—firmly in the green grass—a savagely ugly statue of a vampire fruit bat. The thing more closely resembled a gargoyle, actually, and its white granite wings were stretched wide while it brandished a particularly sinister pair of fangs. Once Rainbow's pulse had returned to normal, she realized that the statue was tilted up to directly face the tree where all of the frightened bats had taken off from.

"What... in the..." Rainbow wheezed, eyes squinting. "...buck?"

"Rainbow Dash!" A soft voice squeaked from a distance. "You did it!"

"Dah!" Rainbow spun around. "I... I... er..."

Fluttershy flew slowly towards the scene, gazing with awe at the line of bats fleeing across the northern horizon. "You managed to make them leave! That's so incredible!"

"Well, I'll be dog gone!" Applejack said as she trotted up with Big Macintosh. She grinned wide and tilted the brim of her hat forward. "And here I thought they'd be nothin' but a hooffull for ya. Guess I underestimated yer bat-wranglin' skills, RD. That's a mistake I won't make a second time."

Macintosh chuckled. "Eeeyup."

"But... I... erm..."

"Oh, please say you didn't do anything too threatening to them, Rainbow," Fluttershy said, already wincing in anticipation of the answer. "I know how short your temper can be with bothersome creatures."

"No! I didn't do anything! I..." Rainbow glanced back down. Her eyes twitched.

Gone was the humongous bat statue, and in its place lay a familiar granite horn. It had rolled over onto its side, obscured by the tall grass around it.

"I-I mean..." Rainbow Dash turned back, smirking devilishly. "I was just—y'know—assertive with the darn rascals!" She folded her forelimbs proudly. "Just had to show them who's boss! They're not leeching off of Applejack's farm if I have anything to do with it!"

"Well, that was mighty nice of you, Rainbow," Applejack said, grinning. "Not to mention pretty darn impressive! I can't remember the last time we got them to scatter that quickly all easy-like. Can you, Big Mac?"

"Eeenope."

"Maybe you could teach me a thing or two about how to be assertive with the mole rats that take bites out of Rarity's garden?" Fluttershy said with a smile. "I'm certain she would appreciate your help. I know I would."

"I'll... uh... s-see what I can do, Flutters."

"Whelp, guess I've got me a catapult to disassemble now." Applejack rolled her eyes, chuckled, and trotted back to the front gate of the farm. "Big Mac, think you can lend me a hand?"

"Eeyup."

"Oh! Let me help!" Fluttershy flapped her wings and trailed after them. "I wouldn't mind being useful to somepony today too!"

"Well, I'm sure my big brother here would be more than happy to show you the ins and outs of simple know-how farm mechanics."

"Sounds very... very interesting..."

"Eeyup."

"Heheheh..."

As the three shuffled off, Rainbow Dash touched down. Gingerly, she picked the horn up in the crook of her hoof. Even with her limb going numb, she could feel the cold-as-ice surface of the strange object kissing her flesh, and it made her shiver deep inside. Nervously, she tossed the thing into her saddlebag, fastened the satchel shut, and flapped her strong wings.

"Yeahhhhh... Zecora time, methinks."

Get On the Potion Parade

“Why, yes, as a matter of fact, the latest shipment of Star Spider Silk came in just two days ago!” Golden Glaze said with a proud smile.

“G-good!” Cl-Clinkk! A bag of bits landed on the wooden market stand. “Hoof ‘em over!”

Golden raised his goggles, blinking. “My oh my… Is that really one hundred bits?!”

“You’re the salespony, bud.” Rainbow Dash looked and looked over her shoulders, trembling. “Better count ‘em!”

“Well, naturally. I just… d-didn’t expect either you or Zecora to acquire the funds so… so soon…”

“The sooner the betterrrrrrrr,” Rainbow Dash sing-songed, trying to hide her shivers and failing. She felt something jostling in her saddlebag, and she clenched her teeth tight.

“Well, let’s see here…” Golden Glaze poured the tiny bit bag open and counted the bits with extraordinary slowness. “One… two… three… four…”

Rainbow Dash felt the jostling again. She sucked her breath inwardly. The satchel was starting to rattle at this point, producing a sound that very nightmarishly resembled a starved owl bouncing off the bars of a rusted cage.

“...five… six… seven… eight…”

Rainbow saw shadows in the distance. She sensed the eyes of worried Ponyvilleans staring at her from across the market. The satchel jolted again, and she nearly fell off her weak hooves. Clenching her eyes shut, she grumbled to herself. ”It’sallinyourhead. It’sallinyourhead. It’sallinyourhead.”

“...nine… ten… twelve--Oops. Eheh. Made a mistake. I swear, the modern mint distracts me. Ahem. Let me start over--”

“Oh for Pete’s sake!” Rainbow Dash brushed his hooves aside, poured the bit bag’s contents across the market table, and flurried her hooves over the coinage. “Watch closely, k’?” She slid several bits from one side of the table to the next in a swift pattern. “Ten… Twenty… Thirty… Forty…”

“Oh. Uhm. Oh dear. If you could--”

“... fifty… sixty… seventy… eighty… ninety… a hundred reasons for you to give me the Star Spider Silk!”

“Oh. Yes. Well, I guess you’re obviously the better counter here--”

“And you’re the better salespony!” Rainbow Dash threw two hooves flatly in front of him. “Silk it silk it silk it!”

“Erm… yes…” Golden Glaze fumbled a bit, reached under the his table, and pulled out a tray with glass jars of blue fibrous bundles. “I do believe this should do it…”

“It does!” Rainbow grabbed the jars, unzipped her satchel, and kept the saddlebag open just long enough to toss the rattling containers in. “It do! It did!” Biting into her bit bag, she practically vomited a tip of ten coins onto the table. “To grow on! Skedaddlerooni!” Fwoooosh! She rocketed towards the far edge of town.

“Heh…” Golden Glaze scratched his head, shrugged, and slid his goggles back down. “Somepony really needs her arachnid extract.” He turned one bit over, and cooed with bright eyes. “Ooooh! Ohioats! I don’t have this one yet…”

“You must get Zecora to tell somepony how she’s found a way to manipulate the transformational properties of poison joke!” Amethyst Star stated through a smile as she levitated ingredients on and off a shelf in the corner of her potion shop. “I hear that she’s somehow managed to eliminate the random reaction that the pollen has to a pony’s essence. Theoretically, this means she can use it to to brew a potion that can have ponies morph into conceivably anything!”

“Yeah, uh, that’s great…” Rainbow Dash gasped, for her satchel jolted so sharply that she nearly fell through a stack of fragile containers at her side. She wrapped her hooves around the edge of a desk and gritted her teeth while the saddlebag shifted and jumped on her backside.

“Just imagine…” Amethyst Star paused to stare into a bubbling cauldron, her eyes sparkling. “Voice changes! Natural mane color alterations! Body weight redistribution! Mares becoming stallions and vice versa--”

“Jee, sounds so wonderful,” Rainbow Dash said, then stifled a gasp as the weight of her saddlebag flung itself forward, colliding with the back of her skull. She had to flap her wings to keep from falling through a stack of crates. “Nnnnngh… it’snotrealit’snotrealit’snotreal.”

“Hmmmm?” Amethyst Star turned around, blinking. “Is something the matter?”

“You got the alicornia dust or haven’t you?!”

“Uhm… y-yes! Most certainly!” Amethyst Star smiled awkwardly, then finally extracted a jar of the stuff from her cabinet. “I would very much like to know what good Zecora has made out of these ingredients--”

“So would I, lady.” Rainbow grunted, tossed a bit bag down, and snatched the jar up. “Zebra Shaman Shakedown 101. Sounds like a grand ol’ galloping time!”

“If you ask me, I think it’s wonderful that she has a friend such as you. Poor mare lives out in the forest all alone…” Amethyst sighed, but soon smiled. “It’s so comforting to know that she’s finally got a close companion.”

“Oh, we’re practically--” Rainbow gasped as her saddlebag flung her backwards. Thud! She collided with a wooden beam, shaking the cobwebs. “Holy sh--” She shook her muzzle, flung the jar into her satchel, and beat her wings. “Ahem. Sisters” Fwooosh! She was gone.

Amethyst Star winced. “That… uh… that’s the broom closet!”

“Gaaaah!” Rainbow immediately darted out of the door and soared towards the frame on the opposite end of the building. “Darn it darn it darn it darn it!”

Once the pegasus was gone, Amethyst fanned herself with a nervous hoof. “Maybe I’m worrying over the wrong pony…”

Th-Thap! The containers of spider silk and alicornia dust landed on the edge of Zecora’s table of potions.

The zebra looked up, her aquamarine eyes brewing. “You’ve come back to me for more potion, I see.”

“Brew it brew it brew it brew it brew it!” Rainbow Dash stammered, sweating heavily. A few seconds limped by, and she bit the edge of her lip. “...please?”

Zecora squinted. She looked at Rainbow’s sweaty body as it clung to the front doorframe to her hut as if gravity was working against her. “You look quite the disheveled sight. Are you certain everything is all right?”

“Great! Fantastic!” Rainbow’s voice cracked through a nervous grin. “Couldn’t be better!”

Zecora stared, stared, then nodded. “That is good to know, friend, even if on the potion you still depend.” She dropped what she was doing and scooped up the ingredients. “For a new brew, I’ll do my best. Might I suggest you have some rest?”

“Yeah. Okay.” Thud! Rainbow Dash collapsed on the floor, hugging her saddlebag to her tummy like it was a pillowcase full of kittens. “Hoooooooooo Zecora… your name sounds like a scrumptious vegetable. You don’t even know, girl.”

The zebra giggled lightly. “Rainbow, you never fail to amuse. You could have the bed if you so choose.”

“No thanks… I’d rather sweat on your wood so as not to ruin the mood.” Rainbow’s eyes bulged. “Crud, now you’ve got me doing it.”

“Heheheh…”

Rainbow Dash tried chuckling too, but got whacked in the chin by the satchel jumping in her grasp. She winced, turning over so Zecora couldn’t see what only she was seeing, and it right around that moment that her eyes crossed. “Bequickwiththatbrewfortheloveofluna’scrotchboobs.”

“What was that…?”

“Uhm… t-tell me the story of h-how you first journeyed to Ponyville!”

“Oh, a fine and delicious tale! But much time that would entail!”

“Something I-I’ve got plenty of right n-now…” Rainbow Dash wheezed through a smile, clutching desperately to the saddlebag as she lay on the floor.

Shamanstop

“...and so it was in the deciding that a community of earth ponies was where I would be residing,” Zecora said while stirring a kettle full of steaming broth. “For far too long have earth ponies depended on those proficient in magic. To not explore other means of medicine and alchemy would be utterly tragic!”

“Uh huh…” Rainbow stammered, biting her lip hard as she sat on the satchel with all her weight. The saddlebag jolted underneath her; she sensed the horn trying to dart for the far ends of the room, or at least she thought that she did. Sweating up a storm, she grinded her hooves against the wooden floor of Zecora’s hut and fought to anchor the thing down. “And th-then what happened?”

“The desert elders blessed my name, and a new phase my life became. I set out across the dunes and sand to bring myself to this distant pony land.” She looked over her striped shoulder, smiling. “For the past two years, I’ve worked diligently to advance equine medicine holistically!”

“Wowsers…” Rainbow Dash winced, hiding it behind a smile as she fought the shifting horn beneath her. “That’s… uh… pretty selfless…”

Zecora chuckled. “To assist others is my absolute pleasure. To be agents of benevolence is what zebras treasure.”

“Well, if you ask me, it’s almost a shame that we only have one of you guys out here,” Rainbow said. The saddlebag jolted and she kicked it with a blue hoof. “Erm… and… of c-course when I say ‘you guys...’”

“I understand your intent, even if your chosen words are bent.”

Rainbow winced. “Yeah. S-sorry.”

“No need to apologize. I see the sincerity in your eyes.”

“Well, cool. So long as one of us d-does,” Rainbow’s voice cracked. Her limbs were growing increasingly numb and she feared she wouldn’t have the power to stop the horn from jerking about. “If I may ask, how many more years do you plan to be doing this?”

“Hmmmm…” Zecora paused in stirring to tap her chin. “I am bound by the elder’s code to perform my duties until I am thirty-five years old.” She turned around to say, “That means I have five years remaining of all of my tasks hereby pertaining.”

“Whoah… you’re thirty?” Rainbow winced. “Erm, I mean… you totally don’t look it, y’know.”

Zecora chuckled and returned to the potion. “I’m afraid I do not share pony feelings on age and what one’s years are revealing. So long as I am healthy and wise then my spirit is always on the rise.”

“So… uhm… in five years, does that mean you’re going to call it quits and head back home?”

Zecora sighed somewhat. “I must admit I miss the oasis of my youth. But to abandon Ponyville would be a great deal uncouth.”

“How do you mean?”

“I’ve grown quite the attachment to this place. The kindness of my neighbors has brought a permanent smile to my face.”

“Well, shoot, Zecchy.” Rainbow smiled. “You’re pretty much a snazzy striped sister in my book. I think it’d be killer sweet to have you around even longer.”

“I must admit, I feel on the same page. I would much rather be this town’s friend than the resident sage.”

“Well, one step at a time!” Rainbow said. “And who knows, maybe in five years once you’ve pretty much graduated from the ‘traveling shaman’ thing, you could move into a house much closer into town.”

“Perhaps… perhaps…”

“Even, y’know.” Rainbow shrugged. “Lasso yourself a stallion and settle down--” She winced before she finished that.

Zecora was already sighing dreamily. “I do not even dare think of marriage so long as my heart and soul exist in a proverbial carriage.” She nevertheless produced a soft smile. “Still, I do not think it too strange if a simple discussion over a meal or two could be arranged.”

“Uhhhhh…” Rainbow gulped, trying not to sweat. “Arranged with who?”

“Rainbow Dash, you know me too well.” Zecora stifled a chuckling tone. “Even a shaman can be put under a spell.”

Rainbow nodded, wheezing forth, “I-I was afraid you’d say that…”

“Ah! And with such time to spare!” Zecora spun about, holding the frothing cup of potion up high. “The brew isn’t so hard to make as its ingredients are rare!” She turned to the pegasus. “Rainbow, perhaps you would like some bread to consume this with--”

“NothanksI’mgooddownthehatch!” Rainbow blurred up to her, grabbed the mug, and poured its contents down her throat.

Zecora winced. “My the shadows, how quick you are to consume! Careful that your stomach doesn’t run out of room!”

Rainbow finished gulping, exhaled, and hovered in place with her eyes shut.

“Is… the medicine running its course?”

Rainbow took a deep breath, feeling as the tingling left her body. “I feel… I feel…” She turned and looked at the saddlebag lying on the floor.

The satchel was perfectly still, not moving an inch.

“Yes…?”

With a blink, Rainbow smiled. She turned towards Zecora with a thankful glint in her eyes. “The best I felt all day.”

Sister, Sister

"Rainbow Dash, I must insist!" Zecora leaned pensively out the front door to her hut. "There is no need for you to persist!"

"Pffft! Think nothing of it!" Rainbow Dash heaved with a grunt and dropped the last bundle of firewood onto the cement block lying besides the zebra's stoop. "It gets super chilly in the Everfree Forest at night! You need something to warm yourself with!"

"But I chopped those very planks weeks ago!" Zecora stifled a chuckle. "They are no large burden for me to juggle!"

"Well, now the time that you could have spent lugging wood around can instead be spent resting..." Rainbow Dash flexed her forelimbs mightily from where she hovered. "Or, y'know... rhyming or brewing or... shamaning."

Zecora sighed defeatedly. "I see that I have no way of convincing you." She smiled. "Thank you, Rainbow, I appreciate your generosity through and through."

"Hey, don't mention it. Besides..." Rainbow smirked. "You're the one responsible for getting my spark back." She winked. "Again."

"Indeed." Zecora nodded. "Improvements I made to the overall quaff. Hopefully it will carry your ailment longer aloft."

"Wowsers." Rainbow backflipped and landed in the grass beside her. "You really do think ahead, do you?"

"It's a wise precaution to keep in mind," Zecora said. "Perhaps you too have practiced wisdom of a similar kind?"

"Buh?"

"Have you any thoughts on finding a cure?" The zebra raised one eyebrow. "A permanent solution, I cannot yet assure."

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow fidgeted, glancing down at her fully-functioning limbs. "You sure I can't just... y'know... live off the star-spider-silk-and-alicornia-diet?"

Zecora's ears drooped while her face sported the mother of all lethargic expressions. The hint of a growl lit her throat, like an angrily trilling cat.

"Alright, alright." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "I'm working on planning something out. I promise! But still, between your smarts and my endurance, I bet we can totally find a cure on our own!"

"Your optimism is certainly inspiring, but I still fear for your life expiring."

"Heh. I feel you, sister, but I'm still of the philosophy of enjoying the living instead of stressing so much about the dying."

"Surely you can understand the benefit of ample foresight," Zecora remarked with a knowing smirk. "I imagine such precautions help you in day-to-day flight."

"Yes, but I'm trying to preserve that too, remember?" Rainbow Dash said, plopping down on her haunches. "The 'flight' part, that is."

Zecora cocked her head to the side. "And you're certain your mind hasn't amassed any degree of hallucinations that hamper and harass?"

"I... uhm..." Rainbow fidgeted slightly. She looked towards the side.

Her saddlebag lay dormant on the ground, completely still and unmoving.

With a shuddering breath, Rainbow Dash looked back at Zecora. "If you ask me, I'd say things are just peachy keen."

"Are you certain the potion has you so blessed? I can tell when a pony is undergoing stress."

"Well, no point in hiding it." Rainbow Dash stretched, stifled a yawn, and muttered, "I've been working around the clock lately. And I really do mean around the clock."

"Not entirely for the bits to bring this rare potion out of the pits?!"

"What?! No! Pffft... Don't be silly." Rainbow Dash grinned. "I've used the money to treat my best pals out to dinner'n'such. It's not all that hard to believe. Occasionally, y'know, I'll look at Rarity and go 'Hey, girl, that's one fine element you've got! Can I give generosity a shot?! Yeah? Cool beans! Stay frosty, ya vampiric marshmallow!'"

Zecora outright giggled.

"Aaaaaaaaand... next thing you know..." Rainbow shrugged with a smirk. "I'm lugging around firewood for a super-sweet zebra who takes for granted how awesome and smexical she is." With a shrill gasp, Rainbow flapped her wings and ascended in a happy hover. "You and I should totally hang out in town sometime!"

"Oh, I do not know..." Zecora dug at the floor with pensive hooves. "There aren't many places for a shaman to go."

"Except for across the whole friggin' continent, setting herself apart from family, friends, and cacti a'plenty?!" Rainbow smirked devilishly. "You better put your striped thinking cap on, girl, 'cuz soon I'm gonna treat you to something fancy and you're going to like it!"

"Rainbow, you are far too charming—"

"And a zebra that refuses to have fun is alarming!" Rainbow winked. "See? I can rhyme too, ya walking newspaper!"

"Unnngh..." Zecora rolled her eyes and chuckled.

"I mean it! Think it over!" Rainbow Dash dipped down, grabbed her saddlebag, and slipped it over her shoulders. "There's gotta be some place you'd like to visit in Ponyville! Without having to brew anypony anything or do some sort of crazy mystic rain dance!"

"I... erm..." Zecora avoided Rainbow's gaze. "I suppose I have always wanted to sample the produce that is sold in the market most ample."

"Uh huh..." Rainbow nodded. "So, then, shopping?"

Zecora shrugged and nodded.

"It isn't..." Rainbow leaned in with a wicked smirk. "...just a desire to sample delicious green apple halves?"

"Hrmmm..." Zecora fought a blushing smile. "Please, you have me quite bewitched, you mischievous sonuva—"

"Righto! To the market we will go!" Rainbow Dash waved a hoof in the air. "And maybe we'll stop by Sugarcube Corner! I've always wondered if a zebra had a sweet tooth."

"Stranger things have been known to transpire." Zecora waved. "I wish you good sleep as you retire."

"But I'm not... not..." Rainbow yawned like an exhausted foal, then hovered with a stupid grin. "Friggin' smartflank zebra."

"Heheheheh..."

"Hey, what's black and white and red all over?"

"I... am at a loss over the words you've just tossed."

"You!" Rainbow Dash stuck her tongue out and flew towards the sunset sky. "On the borders of Sweet Apple Acres, that is!"

Zecora rolled her eyes with a lasting chuckle and closed the door to her hut behind her.

Rainbow Dash turned towards the heavens, her nostrils flaring as she bore a happy grin against the winds. "You and me both, sister..."

And she flew home, performing a few felcitous backflips and corkscrews along the way.

Neighcolepsy

Rainbow Dash brushed, brushed, and brushed her teeth. Once finished, she spat into her skystone sink and slapped the cloudy partition above it, drenching the basin with fresh water and washing the paste away. Cleaning her brush off, she dropped it back into its cup and stared into the mirror in front of her.

A freshly showered mane hung around her fuzzy blue head in satin-slick sheets of color. The shine to the hair matched the glistening in her ruby eyes. For a brief moment, the pegasus looked spotless and squeaky-clean, like porcelain.

She wasn't sure if she liked it or not.

After a deep breath, she brought her forelimb up and flexed it, quietly relishing in the firm feeling of strength that she had in her possession once again. The numbness was gone, as well as the sense of frailty and weakness.

And yet, standing before the mirror, she couldn't shake how indescribably tiny she felt.

"I may be stupid, but at least I hold my own," she muttered.

The reflection in the mirror stared back.

She gulped, leaning forward and planting two hooves on opposite end of the mirror's lower half. "You... you don't think that I'm weak, do you?"

Silence.

"Do you... you even care if I'm weak?"

More silence.

The pegasus sighed. She leaned back from the mirror, carrying a pathetic smirk. "Meh... I need to get a friggin' radio in this place."

She turned tail and stomped out of the bathroom.

Rainbow slapped the pale horn onto the corner of her dresser.

She stepped back in the dim candlelight, squinting at it. After a full minute passed, she clenched her jaw, took a deep breath, and said, "Not so tough now with a full dose, huh?"

Silence.

"I just... I-I just got preoccupied with the whole red drake fallout... that's all..." Rainbow gulped. "I daydreamed you up because of the stress. Yeah. It's like the darned Best Young Fliers Competition all over again! I made you up! You're nothing!"

The granite shard sat perfectly still, unmoving.

Rainbow sighed and clenched her eyes shut. "The medicine isn't making me crazy. It's not. I can handle it. I can. I've got to." She swallowed hard and stood still. Seconds later, she squinted one eye open.

The horn was in the same place where she left it.

This time, Rainbow smiled faintly.

"Right... just... j-just have to tell my mind who's in ch-charge..."

She spun around and trudged slowly towards her bed.

"I've got a great job... great friends... great pair of wings..."

Stifling a yawn, she crawled over the padded duvet, then leaned towards her bedside table to blow the candles out. With a happy sigh, she slid snugly under the covers and curled up, folding her wings around her.

"I've... got everything under control," she spoke aloud. "It's all cool. It really is..."

Nevertheless, she couldn't afford to close her eyes. Not yet.

Fidgeting, she reached up, snatched the largest of her pillows, and brought it to her fuzzy chest. She hugged it, nuzzled up to it.

"But... if I was weak," she stammered. "You wouldn't m-mind, would you?"

Silence, and yet Rainbow smiled, her eyes glistening along the edges.

"You're too awesome..." She sniffed, clenching her eyes shut at last as she murmured sideways into the pillow. "Too... t-too awesome for me," her voice craked. "But.. even still..."

Rainbow drifted off, but not without a final exhalation... with six words murmured warmly into the darkness.

And then, with a bittersweet grin, Rainbow was gone.

Beautiful countryside glided beneath Rainbow Dash.

She took steady breaths, pushing forward through the warm air currents. It occurred to her that her wings weren't even flapping. This was a strange thing, and yet it wasn't. Rainbow took another sip of cider and kept gliding.

"You're such a sweet thing," Fluttershy said. She leaned forward across the green grass and nuzzled a red-coated mare in the freckles. "Thank you for being such a darling, Big Mac, and always protecting me at flight camp."

"Hmmmm..." Big Macintosh giggled, her green eyes fluttering. "Eeyup," the red-maned mare kissed Fluttershy on the cheek and held her close.

Rainbow Dash stared blankly. She glanced right and saw Spike holding a bound-and-gagged Twilight Sparkle over his scaled head.

"This is for Big Boss!" The whelp snorted fire and tossed Twilight into the blazing depths. "Feast, Aatxe, Destroyer of Unicorns!"

"Mmmmmmmmffff!" Twilight flailed helplessly as she plunged into the lava pits of Tartarus. The abyss exploded with splashing bits. Stamps floated across with his desk, scribbling over a dozen clipboards.

"So many coins, so little cider," said Lyra. She, Bon Bon, Vinyl Scratch, and Caramel rowed a bar table across the ocean of bits. "Pick your poison, but all you do is drown, silly filly."

"It's not about the money, Zecora," Rainbow Dash muttered. "It's about being strong. Finding a way to fly."

"Why didn't you tell me, my supposed friend?" Zecora sobbed, hunched over atop the front stoop to her hut as it floated away in the golden current. "We are always alone in the end."

"I had no clue that Big Mac was a mare and attended flight camp!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. "Please... forgive me. I didn't want to hurt you..."

"What are you apologizing for, sugarcube?"

Rainbow looked to her side. The golden bits had bled into crimson apples, and Applejack stood flank-deep in the flood, nevertheless bucking trees as if there was no deluge in the first place.

"I..." Rainbow Dash stammered. "I've been so weak..." She fought tears. "I keep waiting and hoping and dreaming for you." Her chest began to hurt as she struggled to breathe. "Even when I know it's never going to happen. Even when I know that we are never going to happen."

"Awwwwww, darlin'..." Applejack turned to smile past Rainbow as she drifted away in the river of fruit. "Maybe you should stop lookin' at me and start lookin' to where yer goin'?" She pointed with an orange hoof.

"Huh?!" Rainbow caught the flicker of green garden hedges. She looked straight ahead.

A pale monster grinned, its gaping muzzle aimed victoriously at the sky. She collided hard with it, snapping its granite horn off instantly.

"Aaaaaugh!" Rainbow jolted in pain...

...and fell to the floor in a mess of tangled bedsheets.

"Ooof!"

The mare fell hard to the ground, her prismatic tail flickering towards the morning-lit window. With much grunting and effort, she rolled onto her hooves and stood up.

With a bleary blink or two, Rainbow Dash glared towards the bed.

"Darn it... darn it! What's wrong with me, lately?" She sighed, turning across the way. "Is it too much to ask for one dreamless night's sleep—?!" She froze.

The horn lay on its side atop the dresser. Its pointed end was aimed at the bed.

"... ... ..." Rainbow slowly, slowly trotted towards the dresser. With a nervous wince, she pivoted her body and bucked the horn.

Cl-Clack! It ricocheted off the wall, rolled across the floor, and came to a stop beside the furthest door frame.

Rainbow stood in place, staring breathlessly at the thing. She gulped and murmured to herself, "I've had a full dose. The medicine's totally, completely in my system." She ran a hoof across her forehead, trembling. "There's gotta be something to this... some reasonable, eggheaded explanation. But..."

She froze, blinking. She turned towards a desk on the far end of the room. Her saddlebag lay open, and she saw the envelope clearly in the morning light, along with the tiny sheet of paper with the note to Romulus in it.

"Hmmmm..." She stroked her fuzzy blue chin, then jolted upright. "Wait... what day is it...?"

These Amber Eyes

Early early Tuesday morning, Rainbow Dash flew over the polluted riverbanks of Fillydelphia. She carefully eyed the warehouses from above. When she reached her destination—sure enough—she wasn't the first one there. The sight of a mangy griffon sent a jolt through her heart, and she instantly ducked low, hiding behind an adjacent building's brick corner. She peered around the edge, staring across the nightlit space between where she stood and where a heated argument was continuing to rage on.

"—of course I'm upset!" Romulus spat, his beak rattling. "I've had red drakes chasing me day-in and day-out! I've not dealt with this much heat since the parasprite delivery! You owe me an explanation, night-blood!"

"I owe you nothing, Romulus!" The pony retorted, a frowning muzzle appearing from beneath his hood. "If you had kept ahold of your missive like the professional you claim to be, you'll have noticed I warned you about Aatxe's brood from the get-go! A griffon like you would easily have been able to prepare!"

"And I'm telling you, I was robbed!" Romulus hollered, his hawk-like shrieks echoing against the nearby building fronts. "Someone deliberately took the job from me, and now I'm taking the blame for the failure!"

"Why won't you stop being a coward and own up to the fact that you simply lost the directions I personally gave you?!"

"Are you insinuating that—"

"Romulus, do not test me," the pony hissed. "I know when you are lying, and I especially know when you're trying to cover up for a pathetic, rookie mistake."

"Grrrrnngh..." The griffon's talons raked against the concrete. "You're barking up the wrong tree, buddy."

"And you're testing all of our patience," the stallion replied. "Face it, Romulus. You're losing your edge. You've long lost your edge, and each attempt you make to cover your mistakes only gets more and more pathetic."

"Well, what am I supposed to do?!" Romulus shrugged wildly. "So long as dragons live, I'm a huge bloody target!"

"You still have enough cunning left to stay alive. You want my advice? Fly back to the griffon lands. You'll be safer there, especially if you do the wise thing and hang up the talons."

"Hang... up...?"

"Live a normal life, Romulus," the stallion grunted. "Both you and I know that we're stupidly lucky to have existed as long as we have, especially in this business. I know when to call it quits, and so should you."

"Wait..." Romulus leaned back, flinching in disbelief. "Does... does this mean...?"

"We're laying low for a while," the stallion said. "We'll be sticking to the shadows for as long as it takes to assess this situation."

"What... what if Aatxe, the brood mother, was to be neutralized?"

"Like you have any chance of doing that anytime soon. You're already a big enough target as it is."

"But... but..."

"It's not all your fault, Romulus. This job was cutting it too close to the Royal Palace. Something was bound to go wrong. Perhaps, in truth, you are the lucky one."

Romulus frowned, his talons forming little fists as he flapped his wings. "I swear... if I find out who did this—"

"You won't," the stallion. "Neither will anypony find out anything about you."

"Even still—"

"That's how it works, Romulus. You know that." The stallion pointed a hoof out from his robe. "And if you challenge it, believe me, red drakes will be the least of your worries."

Romulus merely scowled at that. "Feh..." He flew up on moonlit wings. "Friggin' soft-feathers, the whole lot of you. Thanks for nothing, pal!"

Rainbow Dash watched as the griffon took off. With a gaping muzzle, she turned towards the warehouse with the golden streak across it.

Sighing, the robed stallion trotted towards the door leading into the structure. Before he could touch the doorknob with his hoof, a petite body touched down directly in front of him.

"Trouble at the ranch?" Rainbow's voice cracked.

Chiiiing! A forelimb-mounted scimitar immediately slid out from his sleeve, its tip stopping at the nape of her neck. "How..." The stallion's jaw clenched tight. "...did you sneak up on me?"

"I... uh..." Rainbow Dash sweated, but nevertheless kept her cool. "Faster than lightning, dude! Speaking of..." She bravely placed a hoof on the flat of his blade and tilted it aside. "...why was Creepy McJerkazoid so ruffled?"

"You're a great deal too nosy for your own good," the stallion said, sheathing his blade within the confines of his robe. "If you came here for work again, your determination is admirable, but fruitless. We have no more need for you this week than we did last week."

"Well, that's a shame," Rainbow Dash said, watching as he trotted around her and towards the door. "Because I'm working for you one way or another."

"You're naive, which can be a useful trait, which is precisely why I haven't knocked you unconscious yet," he said as he turned the doorknob. "But you seriously do not know what you are getting into. I doubt a pony of your nature would desire to become like one of us in a few years."

"Hey, I'm not in it for the ego-rush! I just need bits, and you happen to pay with lots of them!"

"Not now, we won't be. Not after this most recent setback."

"What setback?" Rainbow fidgeted, desperate to continue the conversation. "It... wouldn't have anything to do with red dragons, would it?"

"I don't know what you think you heard, but it's none of your business, and neither is our organization." He opened the door and slid inside the building. "Not for another few months, at least—"

"Hey!" Desperate, Rainbow Dash shouted, "It's my business now, Noir!"

In a single second, the pony soared back out, plowing Rainbow Dash to the ground and pressing a dagger to her chest. She barely had the chance to breathe before he was already hissing down at her. "How did you find out that name?! Tell me!"

"Grkkk!" Rainbow hissed, sputtering beneath his weight. "Okay... so I l-lied! It's not all about the bits!"

"Who sent you?! Was it Celestia?! Cadance?!""

"Who the fuzz is 'Cadance?!'"

"Speak!"

"I've got a better idea!" Rainbow Dash twirled her tail up, wrapped it around his rear leg, then yanked hard with her flank. "Hnnng!"

Caught off balance, the stallion stumbled to the side.

Rainbow Dash sprung up, backflipped, and twirled about in mid-air. Her hoof knocked the dagger out of his grip. Then, with flapping wings, she flew forward, shoving him to the ground. She applied all of her weight against his four limbs. "Hah!" She panted and sweated, grinning. "Bangarang! Some slippery shadow stranger you are now, half-pint!"

"Gnnngh!" The stallion's hood slipped free. A coat of midnight velvet glistened in the moonlight while a pair of slitted amber eyes stared up at her. "How..." Fangs showed as he spoke. "H-how did you—?!"

"Pffft. Seriously?" Rainbow smirked. "You've never heard of me? Never heard of my sonic rainbooming, dragon kicking, diamond dog bucking life? Also, there's this wicked sick god-power lightning bolt pendant thingy with my name on it and—" She did a double-take. "Whoah! Dude! You're... like... one of those bat ponies!"

"I abhor that term!" Noir snarled, his flared ears folding back like a cat. "Almost as much as I detest pegasi working under false pretenses!"

"Hey!" Rainbow frowned. "What you see is what you get, bucko! I've been perfectly upfront with you—at least until you decided to stop playing ball last week!"

"Last week...?" The stallion gasped, his slitted eyes narrowing even more. "It was you..."

"Buh?"

He stammered, "You were the one who took on the delivery in Romulus' stead!"

"Well, duh!" Rainbow stifled a chuckle. "You think for a dude with talons, he'd keep a better grip of his envelope—"

Whump! Noir shoved her off.

Rainbow backflipped, landed in a slide, and reared her forelimbs, ready for battle.

It never started. Noir limped to his forelimbs and shuddered, staring off into the muddy Fillydelphian river. "That explains why the delivery never made it to its destination..."

"What the heck are you talking about?" Rainbow sputtered, eyeing the stallion warily. "I brought the stuff to the pits of Tartarus!" She gulped. "Well, almost every part..."

He turned to glare at her. "What do you mean almost every part?"

"I... uhm..." Rainbow fidgeted. "I ran into a murderous bunch of red dragons along the way. My chariot shattered, and I had to scramble to pick up all of the pieces of the delivery. I... uh... m-might have accidentally put a granite horn into my saddlebag by mistake."

Noir took a deep, deep breath. "A horn, you say?"

"Pretty sure it's not a toenail. It wasn't that big of a granite statue."

"That explains it..." Noir's nostrils flared as he glared off into the urban night. "Without the whole, the Tartarusian spell backfired, and the pieces landed back in Canterlot."

"They what?!" Rainbow Dash did a double-take.

Noir looked at her. "The horn that was in your possession. It disappeared, right?"

"Uhhh..." Rainbow gulped. "No?"

Noir's fanged mouth hung agape. "No?!"

"Why, is that a bad thing?"

"I... I-I do not know..." Noir fiddled with the sleeves of his loosened robe. "I've never expected this. It goes against everything in the Chaotician Chronicles..."

"The Whatician What?"

"This is bigger than anything I've ever dealt with," he muttered. "We can't speak of this out here. We must..." He squirmed, glancing nervously towards the building. "...we must speak somewhere that's safer."

"You mean...?"

He opened the door wide and motioned in. "Quick. Come inside."

She merely squinted at him.

His eyes narrowed in earnest. "It's for your safety as well as mine!"

"Dude, you just pulled a bunch of blades on me. That's not exactly housewarming material."

"I am not in the business of killing," Noir hissed. "Why do you think I've taken on this shadowy occupation instead?"

"I dunno. I mean, judging from the eyes and ears, you seem kind of photosensitive."

"Very amusing," he droned. "I promise, by the Lunar Code, that I will not harm you."

"The... Lunar Code?"

"I'll explain that as well." He motioned once again as he entered the building. "So long as you have faith in me. I'm showing faith by even letting you in here."

Rainbow flung one look at the night's sky over the nearby smokestacks, then turned back towards him. "Would you let Romulus in there?"

"Blazes, no."

"Well, alright!" Rainbow smirked and trotted after him. "I don't suppose you have any cheese sandwiches?"

He stifled a groan and shut the cold black door behind them.

Low Gravity and Expositions

"Follow me," Noir said as he shuffled down a long, dark corridor. He unlocked and opened no less than three cold steel doors along the way, leading into deeper and more shadowy chambers of the building's basement. "And whatever you feel or see, remember not to panic."

"Uhhh... Okay..." Rainbow Dash nodded. She bumped into a wall forth the umpteenth time. "Ouchie! Darn it! How can you see anything down here?"

"Very, very easily," the stallion droned.

"Heh... Forgot who I was talking to. Hey... it's a dead end!"

"Not quite." Noir shut the final door behind them. He approached what looked like a rigid black frame, standing empty at the far end of a slender compartment. He fiddled with a pocket under his cloak, held out a satchel full of silver powder, and blew some of the enchanted sediment forward. The dust flew forward in a gentle spiral, settled inside the empty black frame, and suddenly flashed with dim purple light. In a blink, an indigo mirror loomed before the two ponies, quivering and undulating with otherwordly magic.

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow Dash took a nervous step backwards, her ears folding back. "Erm..."

"Hold your breath." Noir gently took her hoof. "You might feel a slightly dizzying sensation."

"From wh-what—?!"

Noir threw the two of them straight into the mirror.

Rainbow screamed—or at least she tried to. She was sailing down an infinite corridor of violet mirrors, all of them reflecting alternate versions of herself stuck in various degrees of shock and awe. In a blink, the doppelgangers vanished, and she was floating somewhere. After a couple of seconds, she realized she wasn't floating—but rather falling slowly. At last, her hooves struck a solid floor of polished granite tile, with elaborate mosaics of constellations and comets and galactic swirls. "Uhm... how... where...?"

"Welcome to Sanctuary," the night pony said. He lowered his hood and trotted comfortably across an alchemy lab lit by dim, violet torches. Beyond him, metal steps led towards a second platform dotted from railing to railing with thick shelves of ancient tomes. Above and beyond, a domed ceiling revealed twinkling stars and rotating interstellar bodies. "We shall be safe to discuss anything here."

"Uhh... nifty..." Rainbow blinked. "Just why did you bring me here again?"

"Because the topic we must address now requires—"

"No, I mean, this place looks killer secret. Why trust me with it?"

Noir paused halfway across the floor and looked back at her. "Because you seem a simple pony who can be trusted to have a less-than-complex ambition."

Rainbow's eyes narrowed. "You mean to say I'm stupid."

"If it suits you." Noir jumped lightly, and yet his body soared thirty feet, landing softly on the second story above. "Allow me to fetch the Chaotician Chronicles. I feel it will be necessary as a frame of reference."

"For what?"

"There are two possibilities," Noir said. "One. You may very well have unleashed an unfathomable evil into the greedy hands of the Continental Equestrian Black Market. Two. You actually delivered a bunch of meaningless rocks, and some eccentric moguls of the Underworld are about to be severely ripped off."

"Okay, hold the sound stone!" Rainbow Dash frowned and flapped her wings. "What's all this crud about some Black Market? I delivered 99% of those granite shards where they were supposed to go—"

Noir paused in fetching a book, glancing calmly over his shoulder. "I wouldn't do that if I were you—"

It was too late. "Aaaaack!" Rainbow Dash found herself flailing towards the ceiling from a single feather-flap. She spun no less than ten times. "What what what what what what—?!" Thud! She landed against the rooftop, clinging to it with a pained expression. "Unnngh..."

"My apologies," Noir said. "I should have warned you properly."

"Yeesh, what's up with gravity all of the sudden?!"

"There's about one twelfth of it, if that's what you're wondering."

"Whoah!" Rainbow gasped, staring out the domed windows as she slowly drifted down to his platform. Her ruby eyes reflected a pale, barren surface beyond the glass. Above, violet nebulae and swirling galactic bands illuminated the twinkling night sky. "Where in Equestria are we?!"

"Nowhere near it, as a matter of fact," Noir said. "More like several billion light years away."

"Yeah? If you ask me, it looks like the Moon."

"It's a moon. 'New Saros' is what we like to call it. Eons ago, Princess Luna used the Elements of Hamrony opened a portal to this galactic destination at random. My kind have used the transportation spell over the years to seek refuge while Nightmare Moon lived out her imprisonment on the Equestrian satellite."

"Uhhh... neato..." Rainbow landed in an awkward slump besides the stallion, struggling to stand up without pushing herself off at a thousand miles per hour. "Still... 'New Saros'... where have I heard that before?"

"Don't push it," he grunted, flipping through a book.

"And, come to think of it, 'Noir' sounds stupidly, hauntingly familiar for some reason—"

"Here." Noir slid the book over on a table beneath Rainbow's chin. "Do any of these creatures look familiar?"

"Creatures?" Rainbow glanced down at the page, then did a double-take. "Whoah. Yeesh." She winced upon seeing several serpentine dragons with twisted horns and jagged fangs, all stuck in threatening poses and carrying random names slathered beneath them. "These dudes certainly had their rounds with the Ugly Stick!"

"Pay attention," Noir said, his amber eyes narrowing. "This is important. Do any of them strike you as having been seen before?"

"I... uh..." Rainbow flipped through the pages, awkwardly eying the multiple, mutated shapes. "I don't even know what I'm looking at."

"They are the Ancient Chaos Lords," Noir explained. "Tens of thousands of years ago, when the Alicorns discovered this plane amidst the nebulous patches of cosmic chaos—"

"What the heck do you mean 'discovered?'"

Noir went on. "—these monstrous beings defied the harmonic order that the Equestrian founders were attempting to construct. While some of them fled for the outer reaches of space, others decided to stay within this realm, but the very essence of their being conflicted with the tranquility that the alicorns sought to manifest."

"Uh huh..." Rainbow kept flipping. "Sheesh, there are a lot of these dudes."

"Almost as many as there were stars in the sky," Noir said. "But that much chaos couldn't last for long. They warred amongst themselves, whiddling their numbers down to the turbulent few who were present when the world was first colonized by agents of Harmony. This lasting group defied the alicorns at every turn. They identified themselves as Chaoticians, and the war between them and the Alicorns lasted for countless millennia."

"But Celestia's ancestors totally whipped their ugly butts, right?"

"At a great cost. There aren't enough alicorns existing today to spread Harmony from horizon to horizon. Instead, our faithful rulers govern life from the heart of Equestria, maintaining dominance over the Sun and the Moon."

"And you guys—"

"—are sworn to the protection and glorification of the Lunar Princess. Or at least..." Noir sighed. "Most of were."

"What happened?"

"Many of us could not predict the wickedness of Nightmare Moon. When Luna turned evil, the bulk of us sided with her. The Sarosian Guard—as we were called—were once weapons of horrible darkness. After her imprisonment, those of us left behind in Equestria were forced to flee into obscurity. Many formed pocket communities within the seedier parts of the terrestrial plane, living their lives out as mercenaries and bandits for centuries. The few of us fortunate to end up here—on New Saros—held true to our higher calling."

"Lemme guess. The Lunar Code."

"Yes," Noir said, nodding. "And in accordance to what we have sworn, we are not allowed to cause any harm to innocent citizens of our Princess' Kingdom."

"Soooooo..." Rainbow Dash smiled awkwardly. "That's why you totally didn't skewer me with that scimitar of yours."

"I had hoped my message had been clear enough without having to draw blood."

"Seeeeee?" Rainbow grinned and flipped another page. "I knew you were bluffing—Whoah dayum!" she flinched.

"What?" Noir craned his head. "What is it?"

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow Dash stared at a very familiar horn resting atop the skull of an abominable mutant of a creature, its draconian figure segmented to resemble over half-a-dozen animals all in one.

"Is this it?" Noir asked.

"Is what it?"

"Was this the form of the statue you were asked to deliver from Canterlot?"

"I... uh..." Rainbow Dash gulped, fidgeted, then muttered out the side of her muzzle. "Maybe."

Noir's ears folded. "Maybe?" he droned.

"Look, all I got a good look at was a horn."

"A horn? Is that what's in your possession?"

"Back home, yeah."

Noir exhaled, staring nervously at the ancient illustration. "This is troubling..."

"Why?" Rainbow asked. "What if it turns out to be in the shape of this dude?"

"This dude once went by the name of 'Discord the Devourer of Peace' He was one of the last surviving Chaoticians, and an unfathomably dangerous one to boot."

"So?" Rainbow shrugged. "We're just talking about his statue, right?"

"I'm afraid it's more than that," Noir said. "Legend has it that when Discord the Devourer was defeated, his body was turned into stone, then imprisoned somewhere within the Royal Premises." He glanced aside at her. "The Celestial and Lunar Civil War began not long after, and the actual whereabouts of the defeated Chaos Lords were lost to the wages of conflict."

"So you're saying the statue is this guy?"

"It is possible."

"And what if it was actually true?"

"Then that would explain why the Tartarusian Binding Spell failed when all but one of the pieces were brought to the purgatorial pits," Noir explained. "The rest of the pieces were then teleported back to their last place of holding—Canterlot. Only, nopony on guard was expecting them. I have agents in the field who've informed me that these pieces could very well have entered the hands of the Black Market."

"Black Market? What for?"

"There are ponies these days with a dark heart who would love to get ahold of a piece of chaos, as horrible as it sounds."

"Well, they gotta be duds, right?"

"How do you mean?"

"Well..." Rainbow shrugged. "My piece didn't get zapped anywhere! Not like the others, I mean!"

Noir rubbed his fuzzy chin. "Hmmm..."

"What do you suppose that means?"

"I'm not quite sure..."

"And..." Rainbow's eyes squinted. "What if these are the pieces of Discord, after all, and they've been spread throughout the Equestrian Underground cuz of my screw-up?"

"If that is the case..." Noir stared at her gravely. "Then we may have unwittingly begun a series of events that would spell a chaotic world-destroying Equestrian Apocalypse."

"... ... ..." Rainbow's mouth froze in an "O". She fidgeted, glanced at the book, then nervously smiled at Noir. "World-Destroying Equestrian Apocalypse, huh?"

"That's correct."

"What... uhhh... kind of an impact would that sort of thing have on—oh, I dunno—an apple farm?" Rainbow "squee'd" nervously through clenched teeth.

Noir simply blinked at her. "I think our moonwalk is over."

D'oh!

With a sound resembling cymbals and choking frogs, the portal reopened to the basement of the Fillydelphia warehouse. Rainbow Dash stepped out first… and immediately pratfalled on her fuzzy blue chest.

“Ooof!” She winced, gritting her teeth as she struggled with the pull of gravity. “Darn it…”

“On your hooves,” Noir said, trotting out of the portal after her and pulling her up. “You need to stay vigilant.”

“Yeah?” She shook the cobwebs out and squinted at him. “What for? If this is as bad as you think, then I’m royally screwed, right?”

“There is no telling for sure,” Noir said. He opened the first of several doors leading out of the building. “The fact that your piece of the statue refuses to move anywhere is most troubling. The chaos energy had to have gone somewhere, or… perhaps…”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “Perhaps what?”

Noir sighed and shook his head. “Nothing. It’s been too long, and the spell cast that created the statue in the first place would have rendered the Chaotician spiritually inert. If nothing else, we should take this as a sign… a good sign.”

“Uhhh…”

“Even still, I need you to do something--for the safety of Equestria as well as for your friends.”

“My… friends?” Rainbow Dash blinked.

Noir squinted at her with amber eyes. “...be it as they may or may not dwell on apple farms.”

”AHEM.” Rainbow stood up straight. “Tell me what I need to do.”

“Nothing.”

“Buh?”

“Keep the horn in your possession. So long as you have a hold of it, nopony or dragon or creature in Equestria--I am certain--knows where it is. You are, in a way, the most perfect keeper of this strange artifact.”

“Uhhh… sure. Okay. I’ll buy that.”

“Do you understand the seriousness of this?” Noir asked, glaring this time. “You have the keep the shard secret, and--most importantly--in no way must you let this thing come into contact with the rest of the pieces that have been spread illicitly throughout the Equestrian Black Market.”

“Dude… I got it! It’s simple as can be!” Rainbow Dash smirked. “And if I hold up this end of the bargain, what are the odds you’ll have more jobs for me?”

“Nnnngh…” Noir rubbed his face, sighed, and eventually said, “As a sign of good faith, I’ll see what I can scrounge up for you by this coming Tuesday.”

“Woohoo!”

“But!” He pointed with a frown. “If word gets out about this, there’s no telling what kind of peril might befall you. I may be a loyal follower of the Lunar Code, but there’s no telling what mercenaries like Romulus might do… or the Red Brood of Aatxe, for that matter.”

“Heeeeeeeeey…” Rainbow Dash spread her forelimbs with a sly grin. “Easy Peasy, One Two Threesy! Trust me! I happen to be an expert on loyalty!”

Hours later.

Sunup.

Rainbow Dash took one step into her bedroom. She skidded to a stop, and her eyes bugged.

“...BUCK!!!”

The horn was gone.

Rainbow Dash flew to the empty space atop her dresser, then zipped to her closet, then dashed to her bed and then soared to her to her floor rug and then flew to her dresser again.

“OhJeezOhJeezOhJeezOhJeez!” She yanked the covers off her bed, glanced under the mattress, and flew in midair, clutching at her mane. “Gnnnnnghhhh! Okay… okay…” She gulped and shivered in place where she hovered. “No reason to panic… no reason to freak out. The potion’s just screwing with your head… s-somehow. The horn’s somewhere in here still; you just forget wh-where it went. I mean, it’s not like it sprouted wings and flew--” She looked toward her left.

The windowsill hung open to the morning air with the curtains flailing in the breeze.

“Buck me buck me buck me buck me buck me buck me!” Rainbow Dash flew to the sill, stuck her head out, hyperventilated, then dove into the wild blue yonder completely.

Rainbow Dash plummeted, then flew in wide circles, scanning the eastern hills of Ponyville with rampantly twitching ruby eyes.

“Come onnnnnn! The absolute last thing I need is a certifiably unsexy apocalypse on my hooves!”

She flew in place, panting.

“No… no. Nimbus… Nyx… Noir--whatshisname said it’s probably nothing! So that’s good! I’m fretting over n-nothing!”

She gulped, then jittered, biting on the ends of her hooves.

“Mmmmmfnnnghhh! But it’s a nothing with my name on it!”

Panting with pale sweat, Rainbow Dash ascended back to the elevation of her floating cloud home.

“Maybe if… if… I-I got the girls in on this! Yeah! Elements of Harmony a-go-go, baby!” She winced. “Nnnngh… No! ‘Cuz then they’ll ask me how I got the stone! And then I’ll have to tell them about the Sarosian Delivery Service! And then they’ll find out about my crazy sneaky deliveries! And that’ll make them find out about Stamps and Guilded Company. And that’ll make them find out about Fancy Pants. And that’ll make them find out about the buffalo and the Granite Mountains and my disease and how I’m a wuss who cries herself to sleep every night over my untold desire to fall in love with Applejack and cuddle her between now and eternity!!!”

“Cuddle who?” a chirpy voice asked against the sound of flapping wings.

Rainbow Dash spun around. “Quick! A muffin! Don’t ask!”

Derpy Hooves nervously reached into her mailbag and pulled out a pastry treat.

“Thank you!” Rainbow Dash stuffed the thing into her mouth and howled at the top of her lungs. ”Mmmmmmmmfffffffffffnnnghghhghhh!” She soared over the horizon in a blue blur.

Derpy blinked, then waved with a cock-eyed smile. “Happy Wednesday!”

Librarian Pride

"A Chaotic Energy Detection Spell?!" Twilight Sparkle looked up from a pile of books and blinked across the library in surprise. "Why, yes, theoretically such a thing is possible—but why in Equestria's name would you need me to cast that, Rainbow Dash?!"

"Mrmmfmmf-Mrmmfmf-Mrmmmff!" Rainbow's eyes crossed. She swiveled around, spat the leftover crumbs of dense muffin into a waistbasket, wiped her muzzle clean, and turned to smile once more at Twilight. "It's better to be safe than sorry, y'know?"

Twilight's eyes narrowed. "Uh huh..."

"I mean, between the parasprites and the snoring dragons and the bunny stampedes and the attacking ursa majors—"

"Minor."

"Whatever. Seems like we're the chaos capital of Equestria!" Rainbow smiled twitchingly. "So, might be a darn good idea to get on that crap! Ya feel me?"

"Ehhh... actually, I don't." Twilight managed an akward smile. "We've had our fair share of challenges, yes, but we've always overcome them, Rainbow!" She smiled. "With friendship on our side as well as the Elements of Harmony, we've kept this town rather peaceful, if I do say so myself."

"Eeeunnngh..." Rainbow face hoofed, her wings drooping.

"Now, if we were dealing with an actual object imbued with chaotic energy, then things would be different." Twilight flipped a page in her book and prattled on, "Such thing would be very, very dangerous to Equestria, indeed. That would be a very good reason to use such a powerful detection spell. But, that's just the thing. It's been many, many eons since Equestria ever had to deal with a wielder of chaos..."

Rainbow muttered into her hoof. "You mean a Chaotician?"

"Why... yes!" Twilight looked up, mouth agape. "How'd you know what they were called?"

The pegasus' eyes bulged. "Derrrr... n-no reason! Just crapshooting!" Rainbow smiled crookedly. "And I-I certainly wouldn't know anything about New Saros or the Lunar Code either!"

Twilight stared at her.

Rainbow gulped in mid-smile, starting to sweat.

Twilight stared some more. "Y'know, Rainbow..." Her lavender muzzle formed the tiniest of smirks. "The girls and I have noticed something about you..."

"You and the girls?!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "Wh-what?"

"I mean, you seem to be a great deal... stressed as of late."

"Uhm..."

"You're always flying out and about in a hurry. As a matter of fact, aside from a lunch or two at Sugarcube Corner, it almost feels like we never see you anymore."

"Uhhh..."

"And Rarity brought up a very interesting idea. And, well, rather than let it stew around and become bridle gossip..." Twilight paused to giggle, then stared warmly at Rainbow. "I can't help but ask."

"Ask...?" Rainbow fought the urge to hyperventilate. "Ask what?"

"Well..." Twilight fidgeted, blushed, and murmured, "What's his name?"

"...buh?"

"I mean, y-you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But at the same time, you deserve to have all the support you want, even if I'm not... erm... well-versed in relationships and all. But you don't have to keep it to yourself!"

"Keep what to myself?" Rainbow blanched. "Whose name?! Huh?"

Twilight giggled again. "Oh dear. I've gotten you all flustered. Never mind, Rainbow. Forget I said anything."

"No. For real!" Rainbow leaned forward, squinting. "What's Rarity been saying about me?"

"Please, it's not what you think. Besides, I'm sure most of it is in her head." Twilight nevertheless raced her warm eyes across the ceiling as she smiled. "But, I know how you are with this sort of stuff, so try not to overreact when Rarity meets you next, because she's been working on something for a while from the bottom of her generous heart, and it would be super nice of you not to trample all over it 'cuz of how... well... girly it is."

"Twilight, you and I both know that Rarity's super freaky with her giving nature. But we also know she's a drama queen!" Rainbow frowned. "If she's been spreading rumors about me—"

"Oh please, Rainbow! It's all between us girls!" Twilight winked. "Well, mostly just Rarity, Pinkie, and I. We're not about to tell anyone else in Ponyville."

"Tell anyone what?!"

Twilight stared directly at her for once. "That you're in love."

Rainbow was dead silent.

Twilight cleared her throat and leaned forward. "And it's nothing to be ashamed of! I'm sure that whoever he is, he's a real lucky stallion to be going steady with a dashing pegasus as loyal as you!"

Rainbow hung between chattering her teeth and gnashing them. With a deep breath, she firmly spoke. "Twilight, I am... n-not in love..." She winced, but continued. "...w-with any stallion at the moment."

Twilight's ears folded. "Oh?"

"I just happen to be turning a new leaf, that's all!" Rainbow exhaled. "Training for the wonderbolts, performing stunts in Ghastly Gorge, and taking afternoon cloud naps? Pffft! I'm totally into all of that, of course, but there's a time and a place, y'know? I just... got into the habit of working overtime and I haven't quit since! That's all there is to it!"

"So... s-so you're not seeing somepony?"

"Twilight, let's be honest." Rainbow smirked and placed a blue hoof over her fuzzy chest. "Do I really look or sound like romance material...?" At the end of saying that, she blanched visibly.

Twilight wasn't looking at the time. She stared pensively at her books while her hooves squirmed. "I suppose you have a point there, Rainbow..."

Rainbow winced even more.

"I've never really observed a relationship up close before, so... uh... I-I guess a part of me got excited to see if it was anything like I've read about." Twilight gulped and stared up. "I got a bit too excited, but mainly for you. Please forgive me."

"It's... uh..." Rainbow sighed and plopped back on her haunches. "It's nothing to get your saddle in a twist over, Twilight."

"And I guess I gleaned a little too much from what Rarity was theorizing." Twilight suddenly winced. "Euuuughhh... how am I going to break it to her?" She blushed slightly. "Especially with her recent project..."

Rainbow waved her hoof. "I'll deal with Rarity myself. Don't you worry?"

Twilight bit her lip. "'Deal... with her?'"

"I'm not mad or anything!" Rainbow barked, then cleared her throat. "I'm not mad, Twilight. I'm just not... just... well, you know me" she muttered.

"Yes. Yes, I do, Rainbow." Twilight nodded, sighing through a smile. She then blinked. "Yeesh, what were we talking about before the mother of all derailments?"

"Uhm..."

"Right, well, Chaos Detection Spells are no laughing matter. And as much as I'd love to practice performing one, I simply wouldn't feel right doing it without express permission granted by Celestia. But... eheheh... thankfully there's no need for such a thing in these modern times."

"Yeah. Guess you're right..." Rainbow fidgeted. "Now... uhm... onto a completely different and totally unrelated topic."

"Shoot."

"Have you ever... lost something that you could have sworn you kept in one spot and suddenly it wasn't there anymore?"

"Hmmmmm..." Twilight Sparkle flipped a page and smiled into her book. "Nope. Can't say that I have."

Rainbow stared through dull eyes. "Really?"

"That's why it helps to stay cleaned and organized at all times!" Twilight sing-songed.

"So you've never lost anything ever?"

"Well, even if I have, Spike's always been around to scrounge the thing up for me before it ran off on invisible little hooves." She giggled to herself. "Plus, I... uh... really don't get out of the library much, even after moving to Ponyville." Her cheeks reddened again. "So, I suppose I haven't had much experience in misplacing things." She paused to tap her chin in thought. "Oooooh, I wonder if there's a 'Guide to Misplacing Things' book?"

"Thanks anyway, Twilight..." Rainbow droned, flapping her wings as she lifted herself towards a sunny open window. "Maybe I'll go ask Pinkie Pie. She's the expert on keeping stuff in random places."

"It'd help to know where you've been."

Rainbow paused to glance back at her. "Huh?"

"Well, theoretically speaking," Twilight muttered as she flipped page after page. "If I suddenly couldn't find something that belonged to me, the first thing I would do is retrace my steps. Or—in your case—my wing-flaps. Heheh..."

"Retrace my steps..." Rainbow's eyes bounced across the walls in thought. "Retrace my steps... retrace my..." She gasped sharply, her face pale. "Sweet Apple Acres!"

Fwooosh! The pegasus exited the library so quickly the curtain wrack fell from the window frame.

Silence.

Twilight's voice rolled across the empty room, "Did you misplace an apple?"

Filly Destination

"Come on come on come one..."

Rainbow Dash flew like a fuzzy blue missile straight for Sweet Apple Acres.

"It's gotta be nothing... it's just nothing! Yeah..."

She feverishly stammered into the warm winds over Ponyville.

"It's all in my head! That's right, Zecora. I didn't tell you before, but I sure as heck am telling you now!"

She gulped, shivered, flew. "All in my head. All in my friggin' head. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to possibly—" She stared down at the fringes of the farmland, and her pupils shrank. "Buck me."

A crowd of two dozen ponies stood in a tight circle around the skeletal wooden framework of a brand new building along the easternmost hill overlooking the orchards.

Applejack, Big Mac, and several other vaguely familiar ponies from the local farmsteads were gathered together, rigging various sets of rope to a wallframe that lay on the grass.

"That about does it, folks!" Applejack shouted, smiling proudly into the morning sunlight. "In less than a minute, we should be able to give it the ol' heave-ho! Golden Harvest, thanks for bringin' yer family. How about you get the east side, ya hear?"

"Comin' along nicely, Applejack!" Granny Smith said. She trudged her way up the hill, pushing a cart of freshly squeezed lemonade pitchers. "My, oh, my, if this ain't a sweet sight already!"

"A lil' too early for refreshments, Granny!" Applejack replied with a smirk. "How about waitin' till we're done with the outer framework?"

"Awwww... but I walked all this way!"

"Well, have yerself a little sit-down in the shade. This part shouldn't take too long, I reckon."

Swooooosh! Plop! Rainbow Dash landed on four hooves, her face frozen like a poniquin's.

"Whoah, nelly!" Applejack grabbed her hat tight, then chuckled. "How nice of ya to drop by, Rainbow! Yer just in time for this here barn-raisin'!"

"Why?" Rainbow croaked, eyes darting all around. "Why raise a barn?!" She shivered slightly, her limbs locked in place. "Why so many heavy pieces of plywood... and st-strangling ropes?"

"You okay, sugarcube?" Applejack squinted. "Ya look like you've been spooked somethin' awful."

"Wouldn't you... uhm..." Rainbow fidgeted. "...rather be doing something that didn't involve so much dangerous lumber... and splinters?"

"Pfft. Shucks, darlin'. Ain't nothin' dangerous about this!" Applejack tilted the brim of her hat back and smirked. "Not s'long as I'm keepin' a watchful eye on the whole procedure! My Uncle Red Glaze taught me the ins-and-outs of barn-raisin', and then my Pa before him!"

"Yeah, but... but..." Rainbow Dash's teeth chattered. "Why today of all days?"

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"Uhhhhhh..."

"We've been doing so well with the apple harvest lately. I figured settin' up a storehouse by the east field would help out in the years to come! Might as well take advantage of the bits rollin' in, ya feel me?" Applejack chuckled heartily. "And thanks to you scarin' off them vampire fruit bats the other day, we've got an early start!"

"Yeah..." Rainbow gulped, eyes darting everywhere. "Thanks to me..."

"Well, I'd lurve to chat, but I've gotta get my hooves dirty sooner than later." Applejack trotted forward.

"Wait!" Rainbow's voice cracked. When she got Applejack's attention, she squirmed and nervously stammered, "How about... uhhhh... h-how about I-I help you!"

"Help me?"

"Yeah!"

Applejack blinked at her. Then snickered.

Rainbow squinted. "What?"

"Ohhhhhhhh Sugarcube..." Applejack rested a hoof on her shoulder, smiling warmly. "Why don't you leave this to the big-boned earth ponies, ya hear?"

"The hay is that supposed to mean?"

Rainbow felt a flounce to her mane as Applejack leaned back. "Oh, I'm only teasin' ya, sugarcube," she said. "We already have all of our positions cut out for us. Still, I appreciate the offer, even if yer just a petite little speedster."

Rainbow grinded her hooves. "Don't call me 'petite,'" her voice cracked in spite of her protest.

"Heck, reckon you could be our spotter if ya feel like it!" Applejack smiled over her shoulder as she trotted towards the group of ponies. "None of us have wings, and it'd be a big help!" She whistled towards the other ponies. "Golden Harvest! Big Mac! Let's do this thang!"

"Yeeeha!"

"Eeyup!"

"Show 'em how it's done, Big Mac!" Granny Smith cheered from where she stood, fanning herself with a wrinkled hoof. "Apple family style!" She turned, blinking down at colorful flowers on the ground. "Ooooh! Lilies!" She knelt down low to give the soft petals a nuzzle.

Rainbow Dash squirmed nervously in place, sweating in the sunlight as the situation unfolded uncontrollably before her.

"Alright, y'all! On the count of three!" Applejack bit onto a rope while the other ponies did likewise from their positions. "One... two... three. Heave!"

With coordinated effort, the grunting, straining ponies raised the eastern wall structure of the skeletal barn. Rainbow couldn't help but feel awestruck by the ease with which they performed this task. Her eyes followed the ropes through the pulley system and onto the framework being lifted up ever so gracefully. In less than two minutes, the wall was almost completely set in place.

With a long-winded sigh, Rainbow Dash slumped to her haunches with wilted wings. "What am I so freaked out about?" She gulped dryly, then produced a weak smile. "It's all good. I got worked up over nothing."

The mare sighed out her nostrils.

With a gentle smirk, she stood up, turned around, and trotted towards the fence.

And that's precisely when she tripped over something.

"Gaah!" Rainbow stumbled, spun, and squinted at the ground. She gasp.

A familiar granite horn lay in the grass, rattling to a stop.

Rainbow's heart beat through her chest. She heard a disturbing crack roll through the air. Her eyes darted upwards.

Across from the wall being raised, the opposite pylon of the barn had fractured down the center. In slow motion, a murderously heavy chunk of splintery wood broke loose from the barn and fell... directly over Granny Smith's flower-sniffing figure.

Rainbow flung a hoof forward and shrieked. "No—!!!"

Nope

The world cascaded in horrific slow motion. The deadly weight of the cracked building face plunged towards Granny Smith's frail body.

Before Rainbow could register the alarmed shrieks of Applejack and the other farmers, she was already taking off, soaring swiftly towards the elder mare. Within two blinks, it was obvious to the pegasus that she couldn't make it in time.

"Miss Smith!" Rainbow shrieked, her voice cracking through a pained muzzle. "Jump away! Quick! It's gonna—"

Amidst all the bedlam, Rainbow heard a single, loud, audible snap from directly behind her. She didn't dare turn and look, and it was a good thing too—for what she witnessed ahead of her stole her breath away.

While the wooden frame was within inches of crushing Granny Smith's skull, it suddenly and inexplicably shattered into a dozen pieces with a brilliant flash of light. Half-a-second later, the splintery bits landed in a harmless halo all around the old pony. Granny Smith was utterly untouched.

Rainbow skidded to a stop in midair, her jaw agape. "What in the b-buck...?!" Twitching, she finally looked behind her.

The granite hood stood upright. Rainbow was almost certain she had tipped the thing on its side just seconds ago.

Before she could make sense of anything—

"Land's sakes!" Applejack galloped over the hillside on thudding hooves, followed shortly by Big Macintosh, Golden Harvest, and the rest of the ponies. "Granny! Granny!" She grasped the elder's shoulders, her face pale with sweat and horror. "Are ya alright?! Lemme look at you!"

"Eeeyu-humina—what?"! Granny clutched a loose lily or two, squinting confusedly at the farm filly. "Why, of course I'm alright! Why wouldn't I be?" She frowned and swatted Applejack's hooves. "Stop pawin' me like I'm some sort of dag-blame'd hog gettin' spruced up for a show!"

"Oh, Granny!" Applejack's voice wavered as she threw her forelimbs around the old mare, hugging her close. "I th-thought I'd lost ya, darlin'! I had n-no idea that there frame was so loose! You almost plum died!"

"Died? Pffft!" Granny patted Applejack's shoulder and smiled into her face. "Why, what in Equestria are ya babblin' about? I've still got a good few years left in me, ya silly pony!" She tilted her head down, gazing blankly at all of the chunks of wood lying in a perfect circle around her vulnerable figure. "Huh... That's strange. Who put all these chunks of plywood around here?"

"Oh goodness..." Applejack sniffled, smiling weakly as she rubbed her green eyes dry. "I swear, I-I've never been so scared in all my life!"

"That was nothing short of a miracle," Golden Harvest murmured through a gaping muzzle. She stared up at Big Macintosh. "You ever seen anything like that, Big Mac?"

The stallion's eyes were like peas set in the center of wide saucers. "....eeeeeeeeeenope." He shuddered nervously, his eyes trailing the path that the wooden planks had taken in their fall.

"It was incredible," another pony stammered. "It's like the thing exploded in midair!"

"I can't believe what I'm seeing," a stallion remarked. "Did something hit it?"

"Maybe it was a tree branch!"

"No way. Granny Smith wasn't standing anywhere near a tree."

"Perhaps a sharp gust of wind..."

"You feeling any change in the air? Because I'm not!"

"Folks... folks," Applejack said, waving her hooves. "Let's... uhm... let's all call it a day..."

"What?!" Granny Smith frowned. "But AJ, you barely done raised half of this here barn—"

"And to be perfectly honest, I don't rightly care at the moment," Applejack said with a slight frown. "It's not the most important thang for us to be workin' on right now. Besides, I reckon it needs a heapin' load of inspection before we labor on it any further. Ya feel me?"

Several of the ponies gathered there nodded and muttered with approval. Everyone was still catching their breath from the near calamity.

"Well... uh..." Granny Smith nervously rubbed her scalp. "If th-that's what you think is for the best, darlin', then who am I to argue with ya?"

"No arguments whatsoever, Granny." Applejack smiled as she nuzzled the elder cheek-to-cheek. "Let's get you inside and rest up a bit. We're done for the day."

"Well, if that's the case, how about y'all samplin' a piece of my latest apple cherry pie?!"

"Heheheh..."

"Oh, that sounds marvelous."

"Don't mind if I do."

"Eeeeyup."

As the farm ponies trotted off, Applejack lingered behind the group. She froze in place, blinking, then truned around. Her head tilted up. "Oh! Rainbow!" She tightened her hat on her head and smiled awkwardly. "I... uh... shucks. In all the excitement, I plum forgot you was hoverin' there!"

"Uhm..." Rainbow gulped a lump down her throat and smiled crookedly. "That's okay. I-I kind of forgot I was here too," her voice cracked.

Applejack sighed through a smile. "Life sure is dayum surprisin' at times, would you agree?"

"Uhhh... maaaaaaaaaybe?"

"You were usin' yer wings the whole time." Applejack's eyes narrowed. "I dun suppose ya got a good view of what the hay just happened with that there buildingface?"

"I... uhm..." Rainbow glanced back at the granite shard, then once more at the farm filly. "I think I had sweat in my eyes at the time."

Applejack slowly, slowly nodded. "Uh huh..."

Rainbow bit her lip.

A blink, and then Applejack smiled. "Well!" She tilted her hat back and smiled. "Good thang nopony got flattened! Especially a pony I lurve with every fiber of my being!" She motioned with her head. "C'mon inside, sugarcube. I reckon an energetic speedster like you is absolutely dyin' for a taste of some sweet apple cherry pie!"

"Uhm... eheh..." Rainbow nervously tittered. "Thanks, but no thanks, AJ. As much as I would love to have a sweet taste of your apple cherry... p-pie..." She wheezed, then cleared her throat. "I... uh... got stuff to do."

"Well, darn if you ain't the busiest of ponies these days."

"Er..." Rainbow rubbed her forelimbs together like a housefly while she looked away. "Yeahhhhhh..."

"Well, another time, then! You've treated me and the girls." Applejack winked as she briskly trotted away. "It'd only be right that I treat you too."

Rainbow waved. She tried speaking, but it only came out as a foalish squeak, "That would be super awesommmmmmmme thankssssssss..." Applejack didn't hear her, and for the umpteenth time, Rainbow Dash was relieved. With a heavy sigh, she slumped in mid-air, lingered, then gradually looked behind her.

The shard remained standing upright, its granite surfaces glistening in the air.

Rainbow Dash touched down. On softly padding hooves, she shuffled towards it, squinting the whole time.

The horn was as dormant as a gravestone.

With a sigh, Rainbow Dash squatted low, glaring at the thing. "How in Equestria's should I be expected to hang onto this thing, Noir?" she thought aloud. "It brings nothing but trouble wherever it goes."

"Au contraire, mon petit cheval," a deep voice spotaneously rasped. Crkkk-kkkk! Before Rainbow's twitching eyes, the horn mutated, turning into a tiny granite serpent with mutated legs, horns, and a fanged smile. "If you paid attention with those ruby peepers of yours, you'll realize I just stopped trouble from happening," it said before producing a granite thumb's up.

"Guaaaaaaaaaah!" Rainbow inhaled, her every mane hair standing on end. THWAP! She bucked the animated shard into the nearest ditch before savagely backtrotting, her body slung away from it in a forty-five degree angle. "Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope!" She backflipped into a throng of bushes and hid inside, shivering.

Q & A

A minute passed. Two minutes. Five. Ten.

Finally... finally, Rainbow's fuzzy blue muzzle peered out. She bit her lip as she stared at the nearby ditch. Her left ear twitched, then her right.

Gulping hard, she slowly—liquidly—stalked her way out of the bush, her body squatting low and her petite hooves oozing forward one at a time. Her tail swished back and forth like prismatic molasses. She clenched her teeth, wincing inwardly as she reached the ditch at last, tilting her head up... up... up... and over to peer inside.

The granite horn was still a mutated lizard-goat-horse thing, and it was presently lying on its back like it was a lazy Sunday. "Seriously... do you realize how much you act like a domesticated cat half the time?"

"Giyaaaaaugh!" Rainbow's voice warbled. She jumped into a low hover, twirling around with a panicked, sweating expression. At last, she spotted the edge of a forest beyond the fence of Sweet Apple Acres. In one fell swoop, she picked the tiny living statue up and raised it over her head.

"Oh please!" The shard groaned through granite jaws. "I suppose you'll be cursing the squirrels by doing this now."

"Hnnnnngh!" Rainbow tossed the shard with all her might. She watched—panting breathlessly—as the thing flew in a long arc, landing with a distant thud somewhere past the treeline. Hyperventilating, the pegasus flew backwards, her eyes glued on the forest.

She bumped into a tree, and a tiny statue stood on one of the waving branches with his stone arms folded. "Nice throw, but hardly Major League induction material."

"Aaaaack!" Rainbow spun around, eyes wide.

"What?" The statue shrugged, smirking. "So you don't get to quit your day job. That's a good thing, right?"

Snarling, Rainbow Dash lashed forward, clamped her teeth over the statue's midsection, and rocketed for the skies.

"Whoah, there, Maverick!" The stone thing flailed like a serpent in her mouth. "Relax your feather dusters! All I want to do is talk!"

"Gnnnnghhh-mmmff!" Rainbow Dash sweated bullets as she coasted the Ponyvillean countryside, her eyes darting left and right.

"Seriously, go buzz the Canterlot Towers on your own time. You and I have some things that need discussing."

Rainbow's eyes caught something bright and glittery. With a jerk, she banked left, diving straight towards a deep, deep lake.

"Now now, aren't you a little bit ahead of yourself?" the statue chided. "At least show me a fabulous yaucht before deciding to lay anchor!"

"Ptooie!" Rainbow spat the statue out of her mouth, held it in her hooves, tossed it up, and bicycle-kicked the thing straight down like a bomb. "Nnnngh!" Clank!

"Hey-Heyyyyyyyy!" The statue grinned as he plummeted into the lake's surface. "That was actually pretty snazzy—" SPLOOOOOSH! The thing-that-was-once-a-horn disappeared entirely.

Shivering uncontrollably, Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and bolted her way east.

The pegasus plowed through the front door to her cloud home, spun around, and slammed the thing shut. She locked it in three places, hurled herself backwards, and soared into her bedroom. Thud! She leaned against the closed door, panting and heaving. With numb wings, she flew backwards, then slumped down onto the middle of the floor.

Her shoulders heaved and heaved. At last, with wings coiled tightly at her side, she fell backwards—fwoomp!—and lay on her spine, staring up at her gray ceiling. For the first time in minutes, she caught her breath... and actually smiled.

That's when a tiny horned serpent head peered out from the top of her bed, grinning down at her with jutting fangs. "Has anyone told you just how thick and fluffy your duvet is?" He ran a tiny talon across the plush contours. "Quite luxurious... Not to mention tears absorbant."

"Gaaaaaie!" Rainbow Dash wailed, eyes bugging. She kicked off the ground, fiercely uppercutting the tiny monstrosity.

"Ooof!" The statue flew upwards, its horns embedding into the cloudstone ceiling of the room. From where he dangled, he squinted down at where the pegasus was frantically rummaging through her desk drawers. "Seriously, Speedy. Why so forward, down, and down-forward punch?"

"This isn't happening..." Rainbow squeaked and squeaked, tossing her drawers open and spilling things everywhere in a mad search. "This isn't happening this isn't happening this isn't happening!"

"Either you've got issues with denial or you're practicing for the most boring Flankspearean play in the history of theatre."

"Ah-HA!" Rainbow Dash finally found a hammer. With a vicious smirk, she then flew towards the ceiling.

"Oh, great. What are you now, the cerebral assassin?" The statue's granite eyes bugged as it was yanked out from the ceiling. "Yoink'd!"

Rainbow slapped him onto a desktop. Pressing him down with one hoof, she raised the hammer in the other. "Stop talking!"

"What, would you rather I sing?" He shrugged under the weight of her limb. "This isn't even a season finale—" WHUD! His stone eyes crossed from the savage impact of the hammer head. "Ay-che-wawa!"

Rainbow grunted, slamming the hammer down repeatedly.

THUD! "Stop..." WHACK! "...with..." WHAM! "...the..." CRACK! "...Bitalian..." SMACK! "...carpentry..." SLAM! "...treatment..." BAM! "...already!"

"Why. Won't. You. Shatter. To. Pieces?!" Rainbow hissed between strikes. At last, there was a crackling sound. She gasped in relief—until she realized it was the hammer falling to bits, not the statue. She blinked at it in numb shock.

The shard pointed at it with a paw. "That's your fault, gorgeous. Not mine."

"Nnnngh!" Rainbow tossed him up, swung around, and bucked him with two hooves.

The statue flew across the bedroom and landed expertly in a wastebasket. The statue's echoing voice projected outward as the can rattled to a stop. "Will you at least let me explain how I knew when and where to be to save that charmingly wrinkled mare...?!"

"No!" Rainbow Dash flew over, slapping a pillow over the open end of the wastebasket. "I don't want to hear it! I don't want to hear anything!" She reached over with a rear hoof and kicked the window open beside her bed. "What happened at Sweet Apple Acres was a fluke!" She hiked the basket and pillow over her head and prepared to toss it straight out the window. "Now get out of my friggin' life!" her voice cracked.

From within, the statue spoke in a muffled tone, "I think it's absolutely romantic... the six words you say every night..."

Rainbow Dash slumped in place, her pale face slick with a curtain of sweat. She panted and panted, then dropped the pillow and wastebasket to the floor.

After clattering to a stop, the statue crawled out with a dizzy expression, then raised a talon. "How does it go again? Hmmm... Let's see..." His stone expression brightened. "Oh, right! Ahem." He took a deep, deep breath, then: "'I wish—'"

"Shut up" Rainbow Dash slapped her hooves on either side of him, leaning down to glare daggers into his tiny, tiny face. "Don't say it. You aren't even remotely allowed to say it!"

He reclined on his side, leaning a smirking chin against his paw. "And yet, why is it that you never allow yourself to?"

Rainbow Dash twitched slightly, her jaw clenched tight.

"Mmmm... how charmingly tragic. I knew I had a reason to watch and listen to you these past few nights."

"What..." Rainbow Dash gnashed at her teeth even as she produced the words. "...is it that you want from me?"

"The same thing I've been asking for all this time, Speedy." He spun around like a serpentine break-dancer, ending in a sitting position. "Just a little chat. You and moi." He smiled. "Think of it as a pretty pony powow!"

Rainbow Dash glared. She plopped down on her haunches.

"Thaaaaaaaaat's more like it..."

Rainbow grunted, "Neither of us are very pretty, pal."

"Heh... yeah, right..." He rolled his eyes from where he squatted in her shadow. "But don't you worry—there's hope for you yet, pal. Ahem. First thing's first..." He crackled his granite knuckles together while sporting a manure-eating-grin. "A little matter of—how should we say—recompense..."

"Recompense...?" Rainbow's eyes narrowed even further. "For what?"

"Why, for saving the relative of a pony who's very close to you... or rather you would wish to have close to you... or at least just hold close to you, sharing your smiles and your tears, instead of sharing it with that lovely, fluffy duvet of yours."

"... ... ..."

"Come on. Not even a titter? An ear twitch? Not a single one of us can deny the instinctual love for fuzzy ears."

"What are you?" Rainbow grumbled. "High?"

"Eh heh heh..." He leaned forward against one of her forelimbs. "You have nooooo idea."

She raised the hoof.

"Gaaah!" Thud! He fell over, curling up like a dead reptile. "Feh. Cute."

The Cute Continuum

"Make it quick, rocky," Rainbow Dash spat.

"Yeesh, is that all you got?" The shard stood back up, brushing himself off with granite limbs. "'Quickness?' 'Speed?' 'Adrenaline?' Feh. I'm surprised they don't call you 'Dash Earnhay.' Eh? Ehhh?"

Rainbow glared.

The statue crossed his arms. "Okay, I know that was reaching, but give me some credit." He took a talon and flicked it across one of his statues. Pl-plink! "My act has been rather... stiff lately..."

"How did you know that the barn was going to collapse on Granny Smith?"

"Pffft! Oh please, who wouldn't know?! Raising a barn on a farm that makes that much cider?! I'm surprised they didn't accidentally glue the planks of wood together with cats!"

"Grrrrrr..."

"Alright... alright! I see you're a mare who takes her cider-sipping seriously. Ahem." He planted a paw over his stone chest. "If you must know, I happen to be a lightning rod for catastrophic circumstances."

"Jee, I wonder why."

"AND... it so happens that when something disastorous is about to take place, yours truly can know when and where." He gave a fanged smirk. "Call it a 'despairy sense,' and boy-oh-boy does it tingle like a mother—"

"And just how did you get there so fast?!" Rainbow Dash leaned forward. "One moment, I was collapsing into bed. The next moment, you were all the way in Sweet Apple Acres! How?!"

"Because, as it so happens, I seem to be tethered to two different and unique things at the moment." He counted one finger. "One: these very same moments of catastrophic circumstances, as I've just told you. They work like freeways through harmonic space—like bridges across a tranquil sea, so to speak. It just so happens the islands have ponies and other living things meeting unsavory ends instead of palm trees and coconuts. Eheh..."

"So what you're saying is that because you knew when and where Granny Smith was about to be flattened by a barn, that's how you were able to be there so suddenly?"

"Yes. Though, now that I hear you say it out loud, I'm certain it would sound like the fishiest of stories to tell the stallions in blue. Eh heh heh..." He folded his paw and talon together while staring at her with doe eyes. "I don't suppose you can be a good law enforcer and read me the Mareanda Rights?"

Rainbow sighed heavily out her nostrils. At last, she muttered, "And what's the other thing?"

"What? The Fifth Amanement?

"No. You said you were tethered to two things. One, bad stuff. And the second—"

"But of course!" He spread his arms wide, grinning. "That's you, Speedy! Congratulations, we're perennial pals! Joined at the hip of harmony!" He lunged forward. "Gimme a big ol' hug—!"

Rainbow Dash stepped backwards, causing him to collapse on the floor. "What... in the buck are you even going on about...?"

"Mmmmfffnnngh..." He groaned into the floor of her bedroom. "Very well." He casually leaned his chin up on two wrists as he girlishly flopped his legs up and down. "You know how two giant cosmic bodies in the universe bend the fabric of time and space, causing them to gravitate towards one another after a meeting of happenstance?"

"Uhhh... no."

He rolled his eyes and sat up. "Fine. Imagine two jelly doughnuts sitting in the same box. Rattle the container long enough, and they eventually bump, sticking to each other 'cuz of the glaze?"

"Sure... I guess...?"

"Well, that's how we met, Sparky! We're the jelly doughnuts of harmony!"

"... ... ... I don't get it."

"Well of course you wouldn't." He stuck a stone tongue out and folded his arms again. "You're drunk."

"Huh?"

"Well..." His eyes rotated towards the ceiling. "At least you were, at the time, I mean."

Rainbow merely squinted.

"I mean, what else could explain it?" He chuckled to himself, while pacing in a lazy circle. "Flying so boldly through Canterlot airspace, biding her time, rambling about some blonde mare or another. It's not like she could have seen where she was going. Pffft... what reason was there to try? She was neither happy or miserable... glad or sad... just... drunk."

Rainbow gazed out the window, her jaw hanging open wide.

The stars hung overhead.

Hedges weaved back and forth below.

A stifled giggle... something resembling a sob.

The world tilted; she tilted.

Air billowed through drooping wings.

There was a royal lawn.

A series of pedestals.

Finally an obelisk—a pale effigy—with jagged stone limbs.

The shadow of a pegasus grazed over it, plunging.

CRACK!

Rainbow Dash winced. She ran a hoof through her mane while a shudder encompassed her being.

"What was I doing that weekend?" She gulped. "The rest of the girls came home before me. Except for Applejack. She... she and I... I mean..."

"It's a very queer thing..." The statue "ice-skated" into view beneath her, smirking. "Sobering up, I mean. You feel like you've slept for thousands of years, your body locked stiff in a single position, and the first thing you wanna do when you wake up is vomit, pee, or both at the same time." He rubbed his talons against his stone chest and pretended to examine the claws. "And then all that's left to do is... pick up the pieces of yourself that have scattered everywhere."

"Uhhh..."

"But, well, for some of us that's an easier thing to do than for others." He squinted up at her with a bitter smirk. "But it's good to have a friend to lean on, isn't it?"

Snapping out of her dazed expression, Rainbow frowned at him. "I'm many things, bucko, but the last thing I'd ever be is your friend."

"Oh!" He teetered backwards, clutching his throat as if skewered with a bullet. "Oh, Speedy! You're breaking me apart!" He froze in place. "Wait..." He glared. "You already did."

"What are you even getting at?"

"Ungh!" The statue face-pawed. "What does it take to get through to you?! Don't you get it?" He scurried up the nearby bedpost until he was even with Rainbow's head. "The moment you crossed my paths—with the grace and eloquence of a bulldozer, I might add—we became inseparable!" He reached forward and rapped his knuckles across her wincing forehead. "Your melon and my melon! And being that I'm somewhat of a fragment of my past self, I've got no choice but to cling to you like a koala hungry for milk!"

"But... but why?"

"Oh, jee, I dunno..." He dangled off the bedpost from his tail and gestured upside down. "I don't suppose it has anything to do with a certain random pony being miraculously imbued with a literal piece of harmonic power!"

"The... the Element of Loyalty?" Rainbow squinted at him. "Is that what all this crud is about?"

"My little... er... big pony, this crud is about a lot of things, many of which are above and beyond your simple ostrich brain."

"Hey, watch it."

"How can I not?" His stone eyes swirled as he "framed" her with a talon and a paw. "You're like a technicolor yawn with features." He kicked off the bedpost and landed on the floor. "Don't take it personally, Sparkster. Even I can't pretend to explain it all to myself without nibbling a bit on the ol' migraine stick. The fact of the matter is, we're stuck with each other. And until you help me get in touch with my better selves... heh... then I'm afraid that this is how things are going to forever remain. Though I don't mind it so much myself. I could sleep on your duvet forever."

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think I'm going to even remotely help you with anything?"

"Hmmmm..." He tapped his chin with a wicked smirk. "Maybe because I've just helped you?"

Rainbow Dash stared.

He leaned forward with bored eyes. "Or, more specifically, I've just helped a certain pony's grandmother."

"You expect me to believe that you're the one responsible for saving Granny Smith from that falling barn wall?"

"Yes. Yes I do."

"That's it." Rainbow picked him up in the crook of her hoof. "I'm taking you to Noir. He should have a solution for what to do with you."

"Uh uh uh... I just know you're dying to ask another question!"

"Oh yeah?"

He curled about, staring at her from where he was held. "How many more times can I bring good luck to a certain farm. Hmmmm?"

Rainbow Dash froze in place, fidgeting.

"Ah..." He smirked and cracked his knuckles. "Shot the arrow right through the apple, didn't I?"

The Door Stopper Files

"I wasn't always like this, y'know," the statue said, pacing back and forth across the window sill where Rainbow Dash had placed him down. "I used to have a lot more tricks up my sleeve, including the ability to have sleeves at random! I assure you, my past self was a great deal more theatrical than this paltry, stiff, yet undeniably handsome doorstep whom you cavorting in front of you."

"Discord the Devourer of Peace," Rainbow grunted.

"Hoity Toity What?" The statue spun to squint up at her. "What in blazes is that? Some super rare Magic: The Galloping card?"

"It's your friggin' name, isn't it?"

"Pfffft. Oh, please, you think someone as jolly as me would use such an appalling monicker?!"

"I dunno, you tell me."

"And just who in Equestria's name made you think that was my name?"

"Noir," Rainbow Dash said. "Of the Sarosian Lunar Guard."

"OoOoOoOoOoh!" He squeezed his granite cheeks together. "The Sarosians! How dark and mysterious a name, too." His limps went slack, as did his bored expression. "It gets a B+ for originality, but—let's face it—those bat things would all be better off plagiarising J.K. Yearling's fifth book in the series."

"Do you answer any question straight?"

"Not when they're stupid. Ahem. No, I don't know this supposed 'Noir' character when he's at home. From the sound of it, he should be off gliding down a buildingtop somewhere. Might as well have named himself 'Murk.' I'm sure he would have won himself more fillies that way... or colts. Depends on which side of the fence the guano falls."

"Then just what the heck is your name?"

"Oooooh, now that's a question I can wrap my beardstache around." He stroked the stone tufts in question, staring out the window. "Being a stone golem for so long has earned me the nickname of 'pigeon outhouse.' And that doesn't quite win you many toasts at a cocktail party. Hmmmm..."

Rainbow Dash groaned, face-hoofing.

"Hmmm! Oh, I know! Quite the delicious choice too." He glanced up at her with a stone grin, pointing with a talon. "Call me 'Lancie'."

"Lancie..."

"Yes. You see, 'Pliskin' was taken."

"Fine..."

"Although, on the other hand, would you kindly settle for 'Atlas'—?"

"I said Fine!" Rainbow Dash snarled, leaning down to glare in his face. "Cut to the quick, Lancie!"

"Has anypony told you that you've got a ridiculously soft complexion?" He leaned forward with a chuckle, poking her in the muzzle. "I swear! Like a fuzzy blue cat! I bet you even have your nuzzle glands located in there—"

"That's it." Rainbow gripped the statue and made to toss him out the window once more. "You're out with the bathwater."

"Alright! Alright, I'll get back on topic!" Lancie said with an exasperated groan. Once Rainbow plopped him back down, he brushed his tiny stone limbs off. "Not like I would have gotten far away without cartoon skunking my way back behind you in a blink."

"Mmmmnghh..." Rainbow folded her forelimbs with a pout.

"Now now... just what were we talking about? Oh, yes. You see, I'm a fragment of my past self. Quite literally. There was a time when I could sneeze and cure cancer. How's that for an impressive feat of magic!"

Rainbow squinted at him. "Ponies die from cancer everyday. It's the number one leading cause of fatalities in modern Equestria."

"Oh, it is? Oh dear..." He stroked his chin. "Shows how many hay fever seasons I've missed over the eons. Ah well." He carved a thin notch into the window sill. "Add that to the top of the list. There we go."

"Lancie..."

"But... I could be that powerful again!" He turned to grin up at her. "All it takes is... mmmmm... a reunion, of sorts. I have pieces of myself lying all over the place and they're sick of writing long distance. We absolutlely must shake paws and talons with ourselves again!"

"You mean to say that you've been powerless ever since you got shattered?"

"Correctomundo! Although, I gotta say, you certainly knocked the wind out of my lungs!" He spread his arms wide, smiling. "If it weren't for you, I'd still be stuck in permanent soprano uvulation with sparrows leaving treats into my gaping mouth!" He tugged at his wrist. "I'd give you a hand, but... eheh... for all we know, it's halfway across the continent by now."

"But wait a sec..." Rainbow Dash squinted at him. "I heard a snapping sound, and suddenly Granny Smith's life was saved at Sweet Apple Acres. Didn't you do that?"

"I sure hope I did. I'd hate for a bunch of telekinetic squirrels to be stealing my thunder."

"But it was you?" Rainbow Dash gestured. "It was completely and totally you!"

"Just as much as you're being completely and totally redundant!"

"So, what's the big deal?!" Rainbow frowned. "You do too have power! Just snap your talons again and bring your pieces to you!"

"Uh uh..." He folded his arms. "No can do. Besides, even if it worked that way, I already sapped all of my strength by saving Miss Wrinkle Boogers."

"Hah!" Rainbow Dash smirked bitterly. "A likely story."

"Don't believe me?"

"Why should I?"

"Because you and I are connected, are we not?" Lancie gestured. "And although I'd rather throw my life into the hooves of a far more capable mare..."

"H-Hey!"

He continued. "It turns out that I have to do what I can to please you. And, tell me, what pleases you more than saving something so precious to you? Or, better yet, something precious to a pony who's precious to you?"

Rainbow Dash sat still, seething with a clenched jaw.

"Oh please, drop the charade." He waggled his eyebrows. "Maybe nopony else knows, but me? I can read you like a book, sister, even if every page is just a black and white photocopy of a walnut."

"Alright, so if what you say is true, why would I even bother fetching the other pieces of you?" Rainbow asked. "You're powerless. So what good are you to me? To anyone?"

"Wow, your brain really does confer with birds a lot, doesn't it?" He cleared his throats. "The truth is simple, my little pony. The more pieces I gain, the closer I am to becoming whole, and then my powerrrrrrr..." He waggled a finger at her with an enticing smile.

Rainbow stared blankly at him.

Lancie blinked, then face-palmed. "Ugh! I gain a little more power, okay?! Cheese and rice!" He tossed his hands and swiveled away from her. "It's like talking to a fire hydrant that hasn't been humped in a decade."

"And why would I want you to gain more power?"

"I don't know..." He looked over his shoulder. "Why would you want things to go well on the farm?"

Rainbow shook her head. "It can't possibly be that simple."

"Why not?" He leaned over and elbowed her forelimb. "I want to meet-and-greet all of my lost limbs. You want to woo Princess Tumbleweed." He struck a gallant pose. "Everypony wins! Especially you, Miss Frecklestruck!"

"Knock it off," Rainbow grumbled, glaring off towards the furthest corner of the room. "You make it sound sooooo pathetic."

"Yes." He smirked examining his stone talon. "Because you don't do enough of that on your own."

"How do I know you haven't gotten something fishy planned?" Rainbow asked, staring him straight down the stone muzzle. "What's to say you won't blow up a school building or cause a comet to fall if I so much as grab the first lost shard from the black market?"

"The world's been around a great deal longer than you think. Believe me." He stared with bored eyes. "It's been done. Even if I was mischievous—which I'm not—I must say that I haven't a whole lot of reason to lash out."

"Oh really..."

"You'd be surprised how much being stoned can mellow you out." He jerked, his granite eyes bulging. "Snkkkt—haa haa haa!" He slapped his knee with a plinking sound. "Ohhhhhh criminy! Sometimes I surprise my own handsome self! Heheheh..."

"I'm sorry..." Rainbow Dash leaned back, frowning. "But I don't buy it for one second. Everything about you just... reeks of trouble."

"That's quite a tall order, Sparky." He slinked down and reclined against the edge of the window. "Wanna put it to the test?"

"You challenging me?"

"Depends on whether or not you find a spelunking trip into the dusty-grimy caverns of subterannean Equestria to be a challenge to your dashing, courageous, and undeniably squeaky self."

Rainbow leaned back. "Buh?"

"Oh!" Lancie sat up, folding his talon-and-paw in his lap. "Did I forget to mention? I can sense where the closest piece of me is located. And, speak of the devil, it happens to beeeeeeee..." He covered his eyes with a paw and pointed all around with a talon, until finally settling upon a direction aimed north and outside the window. "....there! About eleven or so miles, or thirteen, if you count the angle for having to descend below sea level."

"Well, that's awfully convenient," Rainbow Dash muttered.

"Oh, I doubt it. Whoever or whatever got ahold of my nearest piece must take the term 'downpaying the mortage' realllllly seriously. I doubt it's that sunny of a place, much less friendly, which is why I kind of want that piece me out of there and somewhere closer to here. By 'here' I mean my nice, shiny tush."

"You can't be serious..."

"What? The Canterlot gardeners polished it every week!"

"No, I mean this is all a stupid trick!" Rainbow Dash snarled. "You're just baiting me into doing something stupid that will kill myself!"

"Oh, there's no denying the fact that it's stupid." He reclined against the windowpane again, smirking suavely at her. "But, as for the 'killing yourself' part, that's up to you..." He squinted. "...but, let's face it, you've never really needed me for that, have you, Speedy?"

"Just what are you saying?"

"Simply that you've got yourself the opportunity of a lifetime here! Now you can bend yourself backwards as you always do for something—or somepony whom you happen to believe in... only this time, for once in your life, there's a certifiable payoff."

Rainbow Dash was silent.

Lancie grinned with a shiny stone fang. "Care to place your bets...?"

Rainbowlonius

Rainbow Dash lay belly-first across a lone cloud along the western edge of Ponyville. Her ears drooped around her head as she gazed dully at the warm horizon. With a sigh, she lifted her skull and glanced in the opposite direction, spotting the gray haze that was her home to the far east. She imagined her dimly-lit bedroom, along with the overtalkative piece of granite that she had left inside.

Groaning, Rainbow planted her head against the cloud's fluff and covered her eyes. She muttered out loud.

"I'm hallucinating you... I should be hallucinating you... I should be hallucinating all of this."

Eventually, she lifted her head again, looking west towards the red gloss that foretold orchard after orchard of apple produce.

"I didn't ask for stuff to get this complicated. Just give me a few delivery jobs so I can roll in the bits. That's all I need. Everything would be just gravy. Everything..."

She bit her lip. Rolling over, she flexed and unflexed her forelimbs, feeling the muscles. There was no tingling sensation—no numbness whatsoever. Her legs were fine for the moment. Rainbow Dash knew better.

"Nnnnngh... I should just tell Twilight Sparkle. She knows just what to do with all this magical crud. She always does. Friggin' egghead would be princess of Canterlot if she only had the wings..."

Silence.

Rainbow turned over again. She peered anxiously over the clouds as if they were a fluffy mound of bedsheets.

Sweet Apple Acres loomed beyond the nearest line of trees.

Rainbow bit her lip, fidgeting. With a shallow sigh, she kicked off the cloud, flapped her wings, and glided due west.

Hovering slowly towards the farm house in the center of the orchards, the pegasus squinted her eyes. She spotted two figures on the front porch, one orange and the other green.

Before she could fly too low, Rainbow Dash darted towards the east edge of a silo and clung to it. Craning her neck, she listened in on a conversation issuing from the front steps of the Apple family home.

"...just fine. Will ya stop fussin' so much over me, already? Yer too young to have to fret left and right over an old mare's needs."

"I just wanna make sure yer nice and relaxed, Granny. You went through an awful lot today."

"Hmmph! And what makes you say that, AJ?"

"You were almost flattened like a pancake, Granny!"

"I don't recall any such thang happenin'!"

"Granny..."

"Applejack, are you certain I'm the pony who went through an awful lot? You look like a wreck!"

"Guess it can't be helped, Granny. I swear, there are days I fear for ya somethin' fierce."

"I take good care of myself, darlin'. I was like you in my day. Well... eheh... maybe not exactly like you, but I've had my strong days, and—believe it or not—I carry a lot of that strength with me now. I reckon it'll be the same for you when yer my age. Now, tell me, wouldja want ponies fussin' over ya left and right all worried-like?"

"Well... I guess not. Though I wouldn't mind havin' my grandfoals around to visit me. 'Tis only proper."

"Eheheheheheh..."

"...what?"

"Ohhhhhhhh nothin', silly filly. Just you and yer dreamy fantasies. Them young'n's have gotta sprout from somewhere to begin with, ya feel me?"

"Grannnnnny..."

"I'm serious! Yer always gettin' what you want done except for when it comes to what you really pine for outta life."

"I just wanna make sure that the farm's in a good place—along with the ponies I care for. You... Big Mac... Apple Bloom..."

"AJ, darlin', take a look around you. We're sittin' on a bounty of apples. Some namby pamby stallion out of Trottingham is payin' us a fortune to churn out fruit. Apple Bloom has got her friends to love and support her. And Big Mac... bless the big ol' goof's heart... he's done found himself a lady friend. I can't rightly say I've ever seen the handsome fella so content in his whole life..."

"Yes... Fluttershy's such... such a wonderful catch. Eheheheh..."

"Applejack, look at me."

"... ... ..."

"We are happy. You've done yer part. Now, more than anythang, ya need to find yer happiness too."

"But I am happy, Granny. Yer alive. Against all odds... against everythang that's been thrown against us... yer alive and well. I... I-I about collapsed this mornin' when the building collapsed and..."

"Unnngh... are ya still on that, darlin'?"

"I... I-I can't help it, Granny. I was so... so afraid and... and..."

"Now now... none of that, dearie. C'mere. Lemme hold you for a while."

"I don't know what t-to think anymore, Granny. It's... it's l-like nothin' I've ever seen or f-felt before. How can we b-be so lucky?"

"Hmmmm? 'Fraid you've lost me there, darlin'."

"It's... it's like we've g-got guardian angels lookin' over us..."

"Heh... and you say that's a bad thang?"

"N-no! It's just... it's just so amazin'... and yet strange all at once. I never used to believe in miracles. I always reckoned that you g-got what ya earned through h-hard work alone. But... but to think that after all this time... we... we've finally..."

"Shhhhh... AJ, look at me. We deserve this. You deserve it. Just accept happiness for what it is."

"But... b-but why do I feel so afraid, Granny?"

"Cuz yer still a young filly at heart, darlin'. A part of you is still reelin' from angels leavin' yer life... instead of coming into it. You have a lot of years left. That's plenty of time to witness more miracles. It's okay to be scared. Just have faith, and you'll see. Things can even get better."

"Get... b-better...?"

"Mmmmhmmm. Strange, I know? But that's how the world works sometimes."

"I'm not sure I-I understand, Granny."

"Got nothin' to do with understandin', darlin', but with feelin'. I don't blame ya for bein' so shocked. Just trust me... it's okay to be thankful, even if ya don't know who or what yer thankin'... or if there's nothin' to thank at all."

"That... sounds awfully silly, Granny."

"Hah! Well, ya freckled little scamp! I never did say I was no dang poet!"

"Heheheheheh..."

"Heeh heeh heeh heeh..."

"...Granny?"

"Mmm? Yes, young'n?"

"I'm so... so glad yer okay."

"Awwww... well, I'm plum glad too, 'cuz I get an excuse to hold ya like the filly ya used to be."

"You... y-you think they... uhm... that they would be pr-proud?"

"I dun think it, darlin'. I know it."

The conversation fell silent.

Far away, hovering behind the silo, Rainbow Dash hovered on stiff wings. She gulped, sensing the world around her go blurry. With a shuddering sigh, she wiped her eyes dry, gritted her teeth, and drifted off towards the furthest hillside.

==Part One: Rainbow's Day After==

==Part One: Rainbow's Day After==

“What do you mean?!” Applejack gasped, her eyes instantly moistening with pity. “‘They wouldn’t accept you?’”

“I… I don’t get it either!” Rainbow Dash stammered, fighting the urge to hyperventilate. She hovered over a cliff’s edge before a Ponyville sunset, but she wasn’t there to enjoy the sights. “It just doesn’t make any sense!” She held a wrinkled letter in front of her, sealed with the insignia of the Wonderbolts. “I performed that triple-barreled thunder breaker perfectly at the audition!” She seethed through clattering teeth. “Nopony has ever pulled a trick like that off! Much less a rookie!” She tossed the sheet down and stared at the burning horizon with quivering eyes. “How… h-how could I not be awesome enough for the t-team…”

“Well…” Applejack stomped her hooves and frowned into the sky. “I think they’re just a bunch of blind idiots! I’ve a good mind to buck their teeth in! Who are they to reject the most daring, dashing pony in all of Equestria?”

“That… th-that’s not gonna solve anything, AJ,” Rainbow Dash said, her voice wilting along with her wings. She hovered lower at the cliff’s edge, staring down at the dark shadows that the craggy landscape was making below her limp, dangling hooves. “Don’t you see? It’s all over. I… I lost.” She hugged herself as a cold wind blew at her multicolored bangs. “I lost the most important thing in my life.” She gulped. “There’s no winning my way back up to the top now.”

“Rainbow Dash, sugarcube…” Applejack spoke in a tender voice as she trotted closer to the drooping pegasus. “Don’t talk like that, darlin’. You haven’t lost anything.”

“What are you talking about?” Rainbow Dash hid her face in two trembling hooves. “Of course I-I have.”

Applejack cocked her head to the side. “Awwww… are ya cryin’, sugarcube?”

“I am…” Rainbow sniffled. “I am not…” She sniffled again. With a quivering expression, she stared down at her own hooves. Fresh teardrops reflected her bewildered face. “What the h-hay is happening to me?”

“Rainbow Dash…”

“I’m stronger than this!” Rainbow seethed, the tears flowing freely now. “I’m too awesome to crack!”

“Ain’t no shame in it, Rainbow.”

“Of course there is, AJ! I’m a failure! I’m a total screw-up! ‘Rainbow Crash!’ That’s what they’re going to call me forever--”

“Shhhh… Darlin’, c’mere.”

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash gazed down, then gasped as she was pulled by her tail to the earth. She suddenly reclined--bug-eyed--in the warm embrace of an apple-scented farm filly. Gulping, she dryly rasped, “Applej-j-jack?”

“No more fussin’, sugarcube,” Applejack said, suddenly caressing the petite mare’s blue face with surprisingly silky hoof-strokes. “I think it’s about time you stopped chasin’ the impossible and just embraced what’s lyin’ all presentable-like before ya.”

“But… but…” Rainbow sniffled. “The Wonderbolts have been my dream for--like--forever! I’ve trained and perfected myself for so long and… and…” She writhed and grunted, her wings refusing to budge. “Why do I feel like a limp noodle all of the sudden?”

“That’s a darn good question, Rainbow.” Applejack winked as she lay the two of them in a bed of windblow flowers. “Reckon ya have the answer to that?”

“I… I don’t understand…”

“Shhhh…” Applejack caressed her bangs, then played with her fuzzy chin. “Why stress the understandin’ when ya can just stick to feelin’?” She giggled inwardly: a deliciously warm thing. “Forget the Wonderbolts. Come stay with me.”

“St-stay… with y-you?” Rainbow Dash squeaked.

“Mmmmhmmm.”

“But… but…” Rainbow’s cheeks were on fire. Every inhalation was like channeling hot coal into her lungs, and each one fragranced with Applejack’s milky-sweet breath. “I want to be an Equestria-famous flier! I don’t wanna live on a boring ol’ farm! Why, it’s… it’s…”

“‘Lame?’” Applejack stroked her hoof until it rested in the middle of Rainbow’s palpitating chest. “Then why’s yer heart beatin’ like the dickens, girl?”

Rainbow Dash shivered from head to tail. Her eyes were lost in Applejack’s emerald sparkles. “Because… because I… I…”

“Now now…” Applejack leaned in and nuzzled the pegasus’ cheek. Electricity sparked between them. Flower petals frolicked in the wind. “Since when was Rainbow Dash afraid of anything?”

Rainbow Dash blinked. Slowly, the most delicate smile imaginable crossed her muzzle. “I’ve wanted to tell you, Applejack. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long.” She whimpered inwardly. “The most awesome place in the world…”

“Yes?”

“It’s here,” Rainbow squeaked, leaning into Applejack’s weight and ecstatically nuzzling her fuzzy orange chest. She felt the mare’s heartbeat and it shook her insides into quivering jelly. “It’s all right here. I don’t wanna leave. I don’t care how stupid or lame that sounds. But I wanna stay here with you forever and--”

“Wait,” Applejack’s hat came to life, sprouting teeth as it spoke in a goofy voice. “Hold that thought, Rainbow Crash.”

Rainbow’s ruby eyes bugged. She looked up over Applejack’s frozen scalp. “What in the hay?!”

The hat took a deep, deep breath, then shrieked into the air, “Wrii! Wrii! Wrii! Wrii! Wrii!”

Rainbow Dash frowned so hard, her teeth nearly popped out of her jaws. “Oh, for the love of Celestia’s golden sparkly crap!” Snarling, the pegasus lunged at the hat…

...and fell clumsily onto her bedroom floor, tangled upside down in bright blue bedsheets.

“Ooof!” She blinked towards the ceiling, then thrashed her legs like an adoracute cockroach. “Nnnnnn-nnnngh! Guh!”

The alarm on the edge of her cloud bed continued blaring.

“Hrnnnnngh…” Rainbow Dash seethed, seethed, then took a deep breath. She rolled over, wriggled her way out of the bedsheets, and attempted to stand up…

...only to fall flat on her muzzle.

“Ooof!” She grunted, almost biting her own tongue. Hissing, she wobbled left and right, attempting to slide her legs out from under her. Swiftly, the pegasus’ frustration turned into a brief, pale panic. “Oh, come on. Not now… not this morning…”

As the alarm kept blaring, she closed her eyes and centered herself. A meditative breath or two later, and she locked her leg-joints--one at a time. At last, her legs stiffened, then lifted underneath her like a greased-up tripod. She clenched her teeth, her nostrils flaring with heavy breaths, and then at last she was standing straight up. It didn’t feel like much of an accomplishment; her knees wobbled, and she could feel her pulse throbbing at the edges of her shoulders.

She stood there for a long while, allowing the blood to flow through the rest of her body. It wasn’t until two full minutes had passed before she summoned the strength to trot forward across the room--in a gangly, stiff fashion. She reached the tabletop, slapping her muzzle over the alarm clock like an earth pony would. She didn’t dare lift her hooves. Not yet.

Silence fell across the room like the interior of a sunken glacier. Rainbow Dash twirled around, blinking blearily. She regarded her rumbled bed with a brief malaise. In between fluttering eyelids, the hazy image of a sun-lit field and a farm filly’s sparkling green eyes flashed before her. Rainbow Dash groaned inwardly.

“Friggin’ A…”

On thumping hooves, she twirled about and clopped her way towards a dresser on the far end of the unkempt room. Standing on the very edge sat a cylindrical orange container. Using her teeth, Rainbow clasped onto the lid of the thing and popped it loose with a rattling sound. She squinted through one ruby eye, staring at the contents within.

Three large, lonely pills came to a rolling stop at the bottom of the container. The glossy surfaces of the red-and-white tablets reflected Rainbow’s incredulous face.

“Ugh… for real?” She counted and counted and re-counted the measly three items. Her face hung in a dull scowl. She glanced over her shoulder at the sunlight breaking through the window… then sighed again.

Slumping back on her haunches, Rainbow struggled with two forelimbs until the container rested at the end of her muzzle. With a slight tremble, she tilted the container until one tablet teetered at the lid. Using her tongue, she lapped it into her mouth and snapped the container shot. Placing the cylinder back on the dresser, the pegasus limped over to a chunk of cloudy material sectioned off from the rest of the room. She spun and slapped her tail against a cushioned wall. The ceiling immediately above her rolled with a miniature pocket of thunder. The pegasus architecture darkened, grew dense, and rained a shower of liquid down onto Rainbow’s face.

She greeted it with a mouth stretched wide like an alligator’s. “Awwwwwwwwwwww--” She drowned the pill and swallowed it deeply down her throat. “Ulp.” Her tongue hang loosely from her limp lips. “Mehhhhh.”

With a serpentine shuffle, Rainbow Dash limped back towards the bed, stopping at the edge of the sea of tangled bed sheets.

She teetered left and right, still fraught with intense drowsiness. Grumbling, she rubbed her face, muzzle, and eyes. “Mmmm… fuzzy.” Her nose wriggled. She rubbed her face again. “Still fuzzy.”

A beat.

Rainbow Dash glanced over towards the closet door beyond her bed. Her eyes squinted.

Her Grand Galloping Gala dress hung off the door handle like a flamboyant dragon’s shedded skin. The skirt was frayed in multiple places, and the golden crown swiveled in the morning air from the window, bent and crooked.

Rainbow’s face scrunched in deep, deep thought. Her eyes darted back and forth.

“When… did I get back… from Canterlot?”

She tapped her chin in thought, but not long after that she found herself stroking her temple with a wincing expression. Rainbow Dash had become aware of a severe, slicing headache pistoning through her skull.

“Unnnngh…” She clenched her eyes shut and grimaced heavily. Then, with a gasping thought, she flew her eyelids open. “How did I get back?”

Her heart started beating a mile per second. Fidgeting, she spun towards the door to her living room and sprang forth in a brisk gallop.

She fell on her muzzle yet again.

“Owch! Grrrr--Darn it!”

Part One: Rainbow's Day After
(In Which We Follow a Nervous Pegasus Visiting Her Best Friends)

Boutique or Bust

“Nnngh! Gnngh!” Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth as she fussed with the saddlebag around her midsection. “Get in there--Mmmf!” At last, with a final shove, she managed to cram the last of her ruined Gala dress into her lightning-bespeckled satchel. “Whew.” Standing on the edge of a Ponyville rooftop, she stretched her wings and prepared to leap. Pausing, she glanced at her forelimb and flexed the stiff thing at the first joint again. A slight wince stretched across her muzzle, but she dissolved it with a sigh.

Two… four… eight flaps of her wings, and she easily took off, slicing her way through the brisk morning air of a beautiful March day.

“Morning to ya, Rainbow Dash!” Mr. Cake said as he beat a rug clean at the back door of Sugarcube Corner below. “Nice to see that you’re back!”

“Uh… y-yeah!” Rainbow Dash gave him a half-hearted salute as she breezed by. “It’s good to be back…”

“Hello, Rainbow Dash!” Cheerilee waved from a downtown market vendor selling lettuce heads and celery stalks. “Returned from the Gala in one piece, I see!”

“Oh… you bet!” Rainbow smiled crookedly in mid-flight.

“Did you have a good time?”

“Totally!” Rainbow blinked awkwardly as her body fell into a low, limp glide. “At least… I think so.” She was so lost in thought that she didn’t notice herself plunging towards the ground until her tummy brushed against several blades of grass. Grunting, she flapped her wings and pulled back to rooftop level. “Look, I’ll chat you up another time, teach! I got… uhm… stuff to do!”

“Heheh… well, alright, Rainbow Dash! I wanna hear all about it!”

As Rainbow’s sleek shadow crossed the grassy knolls and dirt roads of Ponyville, several more ponies called out and waved to her.

“Hey! Rainbow Dash!” Bon Bon chirped as she leaned out the window of her cottage. “Way to go! A ticket to the Gala, huh?!” The mare giggled as the pegasus flew beyond earshot. “You and your pals had the chance of a lifetime! Hope you enjoyed it!”

”What is everypony’s deal this morning?” Rainbow muttered to herself as she circumnavigated the tall cylindrical shell of Town Hall. ”Did chuckle gas vents open up in the earth overnight?”

”Extra! Extra! Read all about it!” A young colt stood on a wooden box at a street corner, handing out freshly printed newspapers to citizens trotting up with golden bits in their mouth. ”Grand Galloping Gala Turns into Monumental Mayhem! Read about how the Party of the Year became the Crash of the Century!”

Rainbow’s ruby eyes pinballed against one another. She drifted into a slumped hover. Bulbs of sweat forming along her brow as her twitching ears caught mumbling voices from down below.

”My goodness. Did you read that article?”

”No, but I heard about it. An entire royal ballroom reduced to a smoldering battlefield!”

”And all those poor, endangered wildlife that ran amok!”

”I hear the Wonderbolts were requested to assist in rounding up the escaped turkey vultures.”

”Poor Captain Spitfire had to call out of her next airshow!”

”That doesn’t compare to what happened in downtown Canterlot over the next two days.”

”No? What happened?!”

”Well, let me put it this way. They’re still having to put out the flames.”

Rainbow Dash turned her head and glanced down. “Wut.” Bonk! She slammed dead-center into a dark-brown ponyquin. “Oof!” Like a ping-pong ball, she rattled down the decorated face of the Carousel Boutique and landed muzzle-first in the flower garden right beside it. Thud!

“Rainbow, Dassssh!” Rarity musically cooed. She was squatting beside a miniature wagon full of potted petunias and was presently patting the first of many plants into the earth with a firm slap of a garden shovel. “How sweet of you to drop in! I could certainly use the company as I tend to my little darlings here.”

“Mmmf-rmmmf-hhhhhfffmgh!” Rainbow Dash bellowed as her tail flailed like an army banner.

“I beg your pardon?” Rarity adjusted the shades on the tip of her muzzle. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to speak up, darling.”

“Muaaah!” Rainbow yanked her head out of the earth. Several daisies, tulips, and clumps of dirt clung to her ears and bangs. “Rarity! You’re… you’re…” She squinted. “Gardening?”

“I most certainly ammm!”

“Just how long have you been up?”

“For quite some time. It is eleven o’clock, after all.” Rarity hummed to herself as she planted another set of petunias. “Why, how long have you been up?”

Rainbow Dash bit her lip to fight back the blushing. “Oh. Pffft. You know me. Heh…” She swatted her left ear, knocking seedlings and clumps of soil out the other. “Pegasus weather flier! Gotta be up, bright and early!” She chewed on the end of her lip. “Emphasis on the ‘bright’ part--”

“Hold that thought!” Rarity gasped, lifting her hooves up at perpendicular angles to place a “frame” over the sight of Rainbow Dash. A sharp, dainty inhalation: “I just got the most inspiring idea!” She grinned as her sparkly blue eyes reflected Rainbow’s flower-strewned scalp. “Blue Pegasus in Bloom! Oooh! I just know that would make the most perfect cocktail dress!”

“What’s this about cocks, tails, and dresses?”

“Oh, Rainbow Dash, don’t ruin the moment.” Rarity’s eyes coyly fluttered. “It’s not everyday that a pony gets to see you with flowers in your mane. They do accentuate your natural beauty most exquisitely.”

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash turned cock-eyed, then frowned. “Darn it!” She knocked the petals loose from her hair. “I don’t do the whole ‘pretty pony’ thing!”

“Hmmm, of course you don’t, darling. Nevertheless…” Rarity floated more petunias in place and packed them into the earth. “What brings you speeding so eagerly towards my front door? And please don’t say ‘inertia.’ I swear, I am in no mood for bland pegasus humor.”

“I… uh…” Rainbow Dash looked shakily over her shoulder. After a nervous gulp, she allowed a few muffled verbs and consonants to limp out of her mouth.

“Don’t mumble, dear. It’s terribly rude.”

“I… I-I said I… wondered if y-you might be able to fix something for me.”

“Heh! Now that’s quite the thought!” Rarity smirked while flicking her garden shovel from side to side. “Of course, you do know that I only fix dresses and gowns, Rainbow.”

“Right.” Rainbow gulped, then opened the flap to her satchel. “My Gala Dress. Perhaps you could… y’know… stitch it up for me?”

Rarity’s telekinesis fluctuated as the garden shovel fell to the floor. The unicorn looked over quizzically. She pulled the glasses down to the edge of her nose and droned, “The dress.”

“Right.”

“You would… want me to fix your dress.”

“Uh huh.”

Rarity glanced at the sky, then back at the pegasus of a matching color. “And that is what brought you here in such a Celestia-forsaken hurry?”

“Well… we don’t have to j-just work on the dress!” Rainbow said in a cracking voice. “We could, y’know, chew the fat!”

“Rainbow, a lady doesn’t ‘chew’ on any ‘fat.’”

“Pfft!” Rainbow waved a hoof and rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean!” She smirked. “Just sit and gab! Talk about stuff! Like… the weather! And Twilight’s magic! And how totally awesome our weekend at Canterlot was!” After that, she fidgeted, then leaned towards Rarity with a suspicious glare. “You… uh… do remember what happened during the Gala and after… r-right?”

“Difficult to forget, darling, and I must admit that my mind and body are still reeling.”

Rainbow glanced down at her squirming hooves. “Oh.”

“But, first thing’s first!” Rarity planted her shovel into the wagon and hoisted Rainbow’s gown out from her satchel. “Let’s perform a fashion rescue, shall we?” Trotting gaily into the Boutique, she paused and scrunched her nose at the multi-colored wad of material. “Well, you most certainly brought it here… exceedingly wrinkled.”

“What can I say?” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I pack light.”

“Now that’s an understatement.”

Rainbow’s eyes twitched. “Huh?”

“Follow me, darlingggg!” And Rarity sang her way into the ultra-femme abode.

An Elegant Lapse of Reason

“And then after a charming tea party held at the exquisite Porcelain Hall, we proceeded towards the Alabaster Marketplace in Central Canterlot.” Rarity smiled warmly as she telekinetically sewed the frayed edges of Rainbow’s gown back together. Her voice rang deliciously across the walls of the Carousel Boutique. “There I found the most adorable little white purse--studded with natural pearls! It would have been the absolute best thing to carry to a festive soiree during Hearth’s Warming! Well out of my financial reach, of course, but even Twilight agreed that it would have looked positively flattering if complemented by a cream-colored gown and pearl earrings! Though I couldn’t take the thing home, Twilight was resourceful enough to use her felicitous charm and convince the shopkeeper to let me hold it for a while!”

Rarity’s teeth glinted brightly as she squeaked with joy.

”Squeee!” Rarity paused to rear her front legs, then returned diligently to restoring the gown before her. “Ahem. Sometimes, I swear, we are undeniably blessed to have the very apprentice of Princess Celestia for a friend. I’ve tried for a long time not to let it get to my head, of course, but whenever Canterlot comes up… well…”

The elegant fashionista fluffed her mane and sighed.

“But I’ve certainly improved my demeanor over the past year!” She upturned her nose to the polished ceiling. “I have moved far past trying to flatter Twilight for favors! Having these delightful excursions to Canterlot are… erhm… simply f-fringe benefits of friendship! Yes! That’s right!”

Silence.

Rarity glanced up at the hovering blue figure above her. “Rainbow?”

“Hmm? Huh?” The pegasus fought back a yawn as her eyes tiredly blinked at the unicorn. “Wh-what?”

“Though I shudder to ask…” Rarity smirked as she moved on to another part of the gown. “Did you find anything that caught your fancy at the Alabaster Marketplace?”

“Oh… uh… you bet!” Rainbow Dash smiled crookedly. “I saw lots of… uhm… dresses! And… uh… crystal jewelry… n’stuff…”

“Hrmmmm…” Rarity tapped her muzzle thoughtfully with a dainty hoof. “I certainly don’t recall seeing you around that much.”

“Yeah, well, something tells me you had your attention elsewhere, Rarity,” Rainbow muttered.

“Horses for courses, darling.” Rarity squinted up at her. “You most certainly appeared to be distracted during most of our stay at Twilight’s.”

“I… did?”

“Indeed.”

Rainbow Dash flexed her forelimb before running it through her colorful bangs. A shiver reverberated through her tail and shot back up her spine. “Like… in what way?”

“Well, you tossed and turned all night as we slept in Twilight’s room. I felt oh-so-terribly sorry for the beating you gave your sleeping bag.”

“Uh huh…”

“And then the next day, I could have sworn you flew into at least three building fronts!” Rarity exclaimed. “My stars, dear! Was it something you ate the night previous?”

“Erm… m-maybe?”

Rarity paused, tilting her head at a contemplative angle. “You… do remember the events of the past weekend… do you not?”

“Pffft! Jeez, Rarity, what do you t-take me for?” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, then pivoted around so that the mare couldn’t see the fresh sheen of cold sweat forming across her pale face. She hovered over towards a wall of shelved fabrics and pretended to be interested in studying the various spools of yarn and silk that lined the stored materials. “I’m a weather flier, for crying out loud! I gotta use mimetic memory to know exactly when and where hot or cold air currents mix to make storms! I’d have to be a total effin’ loser to let my head get away from me!”

“And we all know how terribly much you hate losing, darling.”

“Darn straight!” Rainbow Dash took a deep, deep breath. She glanced forlornly over her shoulder. “So… uhm… you d-didn’t see me at all during most of the weekend, huh?”

“I should say not!” Rarity fluffed the armbands of the gown and squinted inquisitively at the damaged material. “Which was fine by me, of course. Not that I didn’t desire your company of course, Rainbow Dash, but I knew that you’d be absolutely miserable if you were forced to trail me, Twilight, and Fluttershy as we window-browsed from one shop to another. Nay, I’d say I was quite happy to know that you were away doing far more interesting things for the interim.”

“Heh…” Rainbow sighed as she gazed dully at her reflection in the Boutique’s elaborate mirror. “Yeah, I guess…”

“Besides, I knew the two of you would be perfect company for one another.”

Rainbow Dash went pale as a sheet. “The… two of us?”

“Why, you and Applejack of course!” Rarity sing-songed.

“Me… and…” Rainbow’s voice grew thinner than a gossamer thread while her ruby pupils shrank. “...Applej-j-jack?”

“Mmmmhmmm. Pray tell where did the two of you go, darling? You were gone nearly all day.”

“Uhhhhh…” Rainbow fidgeted in mid-air. “Uhmmmm…” She squirmed and squirmed and squirmed and-- “Oh… you know! What rough’n’tumble ponies always do! Eheheheh…” She beat her fuzzy blue chest and took a deep, deep breath. “We’re strong gals! We have no time for dainty dress-shopping or tea drinking, y’know!”

Rarity chuckled airily.

Rainbow Dash bit her lip, then slowly tilted forward in mid-hover. “Well… do you?”

“Do I what?”

Rainbow clenched her eyes shut and hissed inwardly.

Rarity glanced at her. “Oh! Uhm…” Rarity chewed the end of her lip. “To be honest, I didn’t keep track of the time. I didn’t see you or Applejack for hours, and by the time we got back together, it was well after nightfall. In fact, I didn’t get much chances to chat with the two of you for the extent of our stay.”

“That’s… freaky…”

“Erhm… in what way?”

“Uhhhh…” Rainbow Dash furiously shook her head. “Forget what I said!”

“Hard to forget what a pony doesn’t know, darling.”

“Unnnngh…” Rainbow groaned as she rubbed her own skull. “Yeahhhhh…”

Rarity’s eyes sparkled with concern. “Rainbow, are you quite alright? You seem particularly out of sorts.”

“I guess the Gala just stole a lot of my thunder.” Rainbow pensively rubbed the ends of her forelimbs together. “You understand, d-don’t ya?” she squeaked.

“Oh, most definitely,” Rarity said with a nod. “To think that I invested so much of my heart and soul into that event, only for it to be dashed to pieces!” She took a shuddering breath but quickly recovered with an elegant smile. “Alas, it’s a good thing that I have such marvelous friends as you girls. All the pieces got put back together. I’m certain that’s what Applejack did for you.”

“Huh?!” Rainbow snapped. “What about Applejack doing me? I-I-I mean…” She winced. “Her doing stuff for me?”

“Why, I suspect that she was a shoulder to lean on. I assumed you and her spent the entirety of the weekend together.”

Rainbow bit her lip.

“Did you not?”

“Oh! Of course! We totally did!” Rainbow Dash stammered. “I just… uh… can’t seem to recall…”

“Recall what?”

The petite pegasus dryly gulped. “...when it was that we told you guys that we’d be… y’know… out and about?”

“Again, I knew very little. Distracted or not, it simply wasn’t my place to know,” Rarity remarked. “Twilight, of course, is a different matter.”

“Twi… light…?”

“Yes, darling.” Rarity tilted her fuzzy white head up and smiled beneath her glowing horn. “You and Applejack spoke to her last before departing for another part of Canterlot.”

“We did…?” Rainbow Dash blinked. She hovered close towards the ceiling, rubbing her chin in thought. “Hmmmm…” Her wings flapped harder. “Rarity, thanks for working on the dress, but I gotta--uhh--go check on something quick!” She spun about, only to slam head-on into a ceiling beam. “Owie!”

Feel Free to Take Notes

“Personally, I don’t blame you for forgetting a lot of stuff that went on this weekend,” Twilight said while ambidextrously chicken-scratching notes onto a pair of parchments with separate telekinetic auras. “The Gala and the day or two after took a lot out of me! I’m writing two letters to the Princess at one time! One to talk about what I learned about the Gala itself. The other to talk about what I look forward in next year’s Gala.”

“You wanna go through all that crud again?” Rainbow Dash remarked from where she hovered close to the ceiling of the library tree’s library.

“Rainbow Dash, why don’t you sit down or something?” Twilight smirked while sweat bulbs of deep thought and concentration gathered along her fuzzy forehead. “It’s hard to hear you from so high up.”

“I… uh…” Rainbow Dash bit her lip. “I like exercising my wings whenever I get the chance to, Twilight! You know that!” She folded her forelimbs and gestured over her shoulder at the mess of dusty bookcases. “Especially here in the Bookwormhole.”

“But you hover all the time!” Twilight said through the corner of her smirking muzzle. “Even when you, me, and the girls are just hanging out or--”

“Look, that’s all cool n’stuff, but can we get back to the topic at hoof?”

“Oh! Uhm… but of course!” Twilight scribbled, scribbled, paused, then blinked blankly at the walls. “What were we talking about again?”

Rainbow glared at her with razor-straight eyebrows. “Me forgetting what happened this weekend.”

“Oh! Right! I… forgot.” Twilight cleared her throat, licked her lip, and finished two paragraphs at once before saying, “Well, Rainbow, I was kind of doing one thing and one thing only over the past two days, so I suppose it’s unexciting enough for anypony to have bothered remembering.”

“Weren’t you ‘window shopping’ with Rarity and Fluttershy?”

“Was I?” Twilight bit her lip and placed her quills down. “Hang on. I have to check my seventy-two-hour hindsight checklist.”

“You keep…” Rainbow squinted. “...a ‘hindsight’ checklist?”

“Ah! Here we go!” Twilight dragged some fresh notecards out of a drawer and shuffled through them. “Hmmmmm-Yup! I was indeed ‘window shopping’ all weekend with the girls!”

“What’d you buy?”

“Nothing!” Twilight giggled with her eyes happily shut. “Heeee--I am so broke!”

“Wow. How sad for you…”

“Did Rarity send you here?” Twilight hummed aloud as she shuffled more notecards. “Not that I’m complaining. I appreciate the company.”

“Rarity’s safe in her own little world,” Rainbow muttered between the flaps of her blue wings. “Which is why I left her there… with my gown.”

“Huh?” Twilight blinked up at her. “What about your gown?”

“Meh. She’s fixing it up… or something.”

Twilight swiveled around, this time staring directly up at the pegasus. “You… want your dress to be fixed?”

“Yes! I mean… no!” Rainbow Dash nervously flicked her tail as she looked away. “Maybe? I dunno.”

“I was pretty certain you didn’t want to be caught dead wearing that thing ever again--”

“Look, it was the only way I could talk to Rarity without feeling like a total lame-o.”

“For what? Forgetting the weekend of your life?” Twilight smirked. “We’ve all been there, Rainbow.” The unicorn blinked. “Well, except for maybe Spike. He’s just a baby dragon, after all.” She blinked again. “Or Fluttershy. The poor mare barely gets out.” She rubbed her chin with a worrisome expression. “And then there’s Cheerilee. She’s too busy grading papers to party. That reminds me, I should help her with that research paper curriculum that she was needing for the coming semester…”

“Twilight…”

“Oh! Uhm…” Twilight jumped in place with a twitch of her tail hairs. “Maybe if you kept notecards like me, you wouldn’t trip over your own memory so much!”

“Pffft!” Rainbow pffft’d. “The day you see me writing notecards for myself is the day I hoof over my flier’s license!”

“Funny…” Twilight wagged her eyebrows. “I could have sworn you said the same thing once about wearing a dress.”

“How’s your assistant been doing lately? Has he eaten any good dragon’s teeth lately?”

“Rainbowwww, I get the picture.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “I’ll stop teasing. Also, please don’t take your frustrations out on Spike.”

“Why not? You do.”

“Wha--?!” Twilight’s voice was devoured by her own incredulous inhalation. “I do not!”

“Bite your tongue! You let the poor lil’ squirt bump his head all the time!”

“He can’t help being clumsy at his age, plus having a bipdeal body weight distribution like that! And besides, it’s not as if his dragon scales can’t take it--”

“Fiiiiiine.” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Just do me a favor and use those fancy notecards of mine to fill me in.”

“Fill… you in?”

“On where I went the last time you saw me!” Rainbow Dash grunted.

“Oh! Uhm… right!” Twilight shuffled through the notecards, licked her lips again, and brightened. “Ah! Here we go! According to my hindsight checklist, the last time I saw you and Applejack, you two were heading to…”

Rainbow Dash, in the meantime, had twirled with her back to Twilight. She nibbled on the edges of her hooves and nervously whispered, “Pleasedon’tsaysomeplacealoneandintimate! Pleasedon’tsaysomeplacealoneandintimate!”

“...the Gala Fair at the Upper Diamond District…”

Rainbow Dash exhaled so hard that she positively deflated. “Whewwwwww…” Her face went slack with a relieved grin.

“...to sample some of Canterlot’s finest cider!”

“Grkkkk!” Rainbow Dash’s temple burst a blood vessel.

Positively Sinful

”You got them bolt cutters?” Applejack asked, her voice echoing tightly across the dank, bricklaid corridor.

“Yup.” Rainbow Dash nodded with an evil glint to her eyes. “You got the mallet?”

“Darn tootin’.” Applejack cracked the joints in her neck, tilted the brim of her hat forward, and slithered forward into the shadows. “Let’s do this thang.”

Side by side, the marefriends crept down a long hallway and approached a junction of intersecting passageways. At last, they came upon an alcove where a guard in royal armor stood at attention.

Applejack paused and turned towards Rainbow Dash. With a sinister smile clamped around her mallet, she nodded towards the pegasus.

Hovering high to the ceiling, Rainbow Dash cupped her hooves around her muzzle and let loose a hooting bird call. She succeeded in throwing her voice towards the far end of the underground chamber.

Blinking, the guard turned his head and looked for the source of the faraway owl noise.

With cat-like hooves, Applejack closed the distance between them, spun a full three-sixty, and whalloped the weight of the mallet hard across the guard’s cranium. His helmet rattled as he fell down and landed in a thud across the moist cobblestone floor. His lungs shuddered and he fell unconscious, blissfully numb to the throbbing pain.

“Wowsers, AJ!” Rainbow Dash pumped her hoof in victory. “Nice landing!”

“Mmmf! Ptooie!” Applejack turned and saluted her floating friend. “You bet! I learned that one from my foalhood vacation in Manehattan!”

“Well, I’m glad it’s you and not me,” Rainbow Dash shuddered. “You know how much I hate hitting stallions.”

“Heh… I reckon.” The farm filly motioned with her hoof. “C’mon. Right thisaway.”

The two slinked forward, but it didn’t take them long to reach their destination. Just beyond a stack of crates, they found a series of gated doors. They reached the largest one and approached a series of chains wrapped tightly with a lock.

“I got this one, girl.” Rainbow Dash muttered, spitting on her hooves before rubbing them together.

“She’s all yers, sugarcube.”

Rainbow Dash gripped the bolt-cutters in two forelimbs and clamped the teeth over the thinnest part of the chain. “Nnnnnnnn-nnnnngh!” It took a bit of effort, but she was finally able to snap the chains free.

“Hahh!” Applejack slammed her hooves into the unlocked gate, causing both iron-wrought doors to swing open.

The air of the dungeon filled with a loose creaking noise. Then, icily, several bodies slithered out of the shadows: diamond dogs and hydras and timberwolves and ursa minors and monsters of all shapes and sizes and colors.

“Whyyyyy have you freeeeeed us, ponyyyyy?!” hissed a sentient manticore with an eyepatch and a monocle.

“Oh… Why, you ask?” Rainbow Dash and Applejack exchanged glances. They smiled. “We came down here to help you fight…” They stood up on their hind limbs. “...for your right…” They pulled out streamers and whoopie cushions. “...to partyyyyyy!”

“Awwwwwwwwwwww yeahhhhh!” The monsters chanted in unison.

With explosions of confetti, the entire dungeon lit up like a rave party. Disco ball lights streamed around, illuminating every body in the throes of spontaneous subterranean reverie. Diamond Dogs popped and locked. Hydras break-danced. And several gigantic arachnids did the salsa.

At last, Applejack tipped her hat back and line-danced like nopony’s business. Rainbow Dash cheered her name as she floated by, making the unconscious guard dance like a unicorn on marionette strings and--

Third Degree Pinks

“Pinkie.” Rainbow Dash’s frowning lips were straighter than the equator. She floated before an open window to the second-story bedroom of Sugarcube Corner. “Somehow I doubt that’s what Applejack and I did after we broke off from the rest of the group.”

Pinkie Pie blinked at her from where she stood on the end of her bed, forelimbs lifted high above her fluffy mane as she attempted to finish the harrowing tale. “Why not?”

“Because if we freed a whole bunch of Equestria’s Most Wanted, then I’m sure we’d have the royal guard chasing after our hides right now!”

“Well…” Pinkie sat back down and rolled her eyes. “Beats me what boring stuff two of my bestest of best friends did with their weekend!” She then leaned forward with a bright, bright grin. “But that’s totally what I would have done if Applejack and I went to spend some time in the Upper Dungeon District!”

Rainbow Dash’s face scrunched in confusion. “Uhhhh…”

“Cuz no matter how many poor ponies those ebil, ebil monsters may or may not have eaten…” Pinkie bounced felicitously around the room. “Every soul deserves a chance to party!”

“Pinkie…?”

“And living down there in such a deep dungeon--how could they possibly get any access to party streamers or disco balls or record players--?”

“Pinkie, Twilight said that Applejack and I went to the Upper Diamond District! Not the Dungeon District!”

Pinkie bounced painfully into a wall, shook the cobwebs out, and tapped her chin in thought. “Oh…”

“I don’t think Canterlot even has a friggin’ ‘Dungeon District!’” Rainbow Dash snapped. “Much less any dungeon, period!”

“Ya sure about that?” Pinkie Pie waggled her eyebrows. “Princess Celestia’s been around for a long… long time.”

Rainbow Dash twitched. Her wings flapped more stiffly. “Uhhhh--”

“Oki doki loki!” Pinkie trotted over and sat before Rainbow Dash. “So, you and Applejack went to the Upper Diamond District!”

“Right!” Rainbow Dash nodded. “To get some cider, according to Twilight.” She shrugged her forelimbs from where she hovered. “But that doesn’t make any bucking sense! Why would Applejack of all ponies wanna sample another producer’s cider?”

“Hmmmmm…” Pinkie Pie rubbed her chin. “A lot of times, Mrs. Cake goes to the Hayseed Restaurant across town to taste their Coconut Cookies. Something about checking to see if ‘the grass is indeed greener.’”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I have no idea!” Pinkie grinned innocently. “But we somehow end up swimming in coconut and baking mix the whole week after!”

Rainbow brightened. “Oh! I get it!” She smiled. “So Mrs. Cake only went to find out if her competition was baking stuff better than hers?”

“That, or it had something to do with the ambassadors who visited Ponyville from Eatern Samoats!”

“Unnngh…” Rainbow Dash face-hoofed. “Mmmmf… I was hoping that you would help me out here, Pinkie.”

“With what? Eating your own hoof?” Pinkie’s tail wagged. “You gotta open your mouth wider, Dashie! Heeheehee!”

“What if Applejack… like… distributes to restaurants in the Upper Diamond District?” Rainbow Dash looked down at her with a lethargic expression. “It’s not everyday she gets to visit Canterlot. Because we were there for the Gala, that must have been her once chance to see how the local establishments were pushing her stuff.”

“Orrrrrrrrrr…” Pinkie waved her hoof. “Oooh! Oooh!” She smiled even wider. “Maybe it wasn’t Applejack who wanted to drink any to begin with!”

Rainbow Dash blinked. “Huh?”

“Heehee… Think about it, Rainbow. Who here loves the stuff more than anypony else?”

Rainbow Dash glanced around stupidly. “Gummy?”

Pinkie only giggle-snorted. “Ohhhhh Dashie! That’s a good one!” She rolled back in a fit of giggles, hugging herself as tears flowed. “Ohhhhh… Gummy drinking anything that isn’t bottled…”

Rainbow Dash blinked. Just then, her face grimaced. “M-me?!”

“Yupperooni!”

“But… No!” Rainbow Dash frowned and folded her forelimbs. “Nooooo… I… I would never!”

“Pfft! Why not?” Pinkie rolled her eyes and sat back up with a smirk. “You had the gold to spare and a weekend to kill! It hasn’t stopped you before!”

“I’m… it…” Rainbow Dash winced and hovered a bit lower. “It’s n-not as bad as it used to be, Pinkie,” she murmured in a quiet voice. A gulp. “Besides, I always got into the stuff alone. I wouldn’t… y’know… rope a pony like Applejack into it.”

“Of course not! We all know how good she is at lassoing things!”

“Pinkie…”

“And how terribly bad you are! Heeheehee!”

“Pinkie! Hear me out! I’m trying to be serious here!” Rainbow Dash sighed as she flew pacing circles in the room. “I lost a day and a half of stuff in my head and I don’t know why. The last thing I want to think about is bogging Applejack down with... with…” She gritted her teeth. “...a super tipsy friend.”

“Why? What’s so bad about that?”

Rainbow stared over her shoulder. “Doesn’t that sound totally miserable to you?”

Pinkie Pie shrugged. “Applejack didn’t look miserable to me.”

“Huh?” Rainbow’s eyes quivered.

“In fact, she looked like she was enjoying herself as the two of you chatted it up--”

Whoooosh! Rainbow Dash was leaning a negative seventy-degrees into Pinkie’s face. “You mean you were watching us?!”

“Well, I only caught glances every now and then!” Pinkie said, leaning back with a humored shrug. “I kept chasing these little foals around! We played this absolutely wicked game of hide and seek! It was fun until we pumped into the Saddle Arabian trade stall and let loose a cage of Red Frilled Fire Lizards!” Pinkie Pie’s face scrunched up. “Then we had to play hide and seek with the little squirmy dudes, and they didn’t play too nicely. Especially Frank…” Her eyes went straight. “And Carl.”

Wait… Fire Lizards?”

“Red Frilled Fire Lizards,” Pinkie corrected with a wink. “They get super grumpy when you ignore their accessories.”

“I’ve… heard about those things…” Rainbow Dash smiled wide. “So… duh!” She bonked her own fuzzy head. “That is what caused the random fires in Canterlot over the weekend!” Her whole body appeared to deflate with a relieved exhale. “Oh, thank Celestia…”

“Pfft! Why? What did you think happened?” Pinkie asked. “You and Applejack don’t strike me as ponies to commit arsenic!”

“It’s ‘arson,’ Pinkie.”

“But we haven’t adopted any colts, Dashie!”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes with a slight chuckle. Touching down on shuddering hooves, she stood with a slight wobble and murmured, “So… uhm…” Gulping, she hid her slightly red cheeks. “Applejack didn’t… d-didn’t look bothered in anyway?”

“Nope!” Pinkie shook her head.

“Not even mildly ticked off?”

“Nope nope!” Pinkie shook her head harder.

“Or perhaps casually bored?”

“Nope nope nope--” Pinkie’s swinging skull threw her off balance. “Whoah!”

Rainbow Dash caught her, smiling. “Thanks, Pinkie. It makes me feel super happy to know that.”

“Well, that’s what I’m here to do!” Pinkie smiled at her upside down. “Make my friends happy!” She then scrunched her face. “But you still don’t remember what happened over the last two days, do you?”

Rainbow sighed and dropped Pinkie to the floor. “Nope. Darn it!” Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth and seethed towards the corners of the place. “As soon as I learned that cider was involved, it makes sense…” She stifled a whimper as she rubbed her hoof through her mane. “And yet it doesn’t…”

“Whelp!” Pinkie rolled until she could reverse-somersault back onto her hooves. “If you ask me, Dashie, I’m not the pony you should be chatting up about having cidered it up!”

“Buh?” Rainbow glanced at her.

Pinkie merely smiled.

Rainbow recoiled. “Oh no! Jeez… I… I can’t…” Rainbow bit her lip. “What if something really lame went down and she doesn’t even wanna see me?”

“Applejack’s honest to the core! Like a red delicious apple! Only replace ‘honesty’ with ‘juiciness!’” Pinkie leaned in and nudged Rainbow’s shoulder. “Don’t you think that Applejack wants nothing more than to be juicy with you?”

Rainbow instantly sweated, her eyes shrinking to ruby pinpricks. “Uhhh… uhhhhh…”

“Er… ‘Honest,’ I mean!” Pinkie’s eyes shut as she giggle-snorted-again. “Heeee… Sometimes life swings a curve ball and misses the outhouse!”

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth, fumbled, and decided to ignore that one. “You know what…” With a flap of her wings, she lifted towards the ceiling. “What’s the worse that could happen? I mean… she and I are friends, right?”

“The most friendliest friendtastic of friendgasmic--”

“Right. I get the point.” Rainbow smirked and turned around. “Thanks, Pinkie, you’ve been a big help--” Thud! “Owch! Nnngh… You know, everytime I look at Sugarcube Corner’s roof, I always expect it to be less bumpy on the inside.”

“Imagine sleepwalking here!”

“Yeah, no thanks.” With a wave, Rainbow Dash blurred out the window. “Catch you next time, P-girl!”

“See ya, Dashie!” Pinkie picked her scaley companion. “Gummy and I are always happy to have you around! Isn’t that right, Gummy?”

In response, “Gummy” hissed, flared a red crest, and breathed orange flames into Pinkie’s face.

Singed and cross-eyed, the mare spat out smoke rings and giggled. “Why, Carl! How nice of you to visit!”

Totally Just a Friend

Rainbow Dash flew to Sweet Apple Acres to join in conversation with the humblest, bravest, sweetest, most dependable and beautiful mare in all of Ponyville.

So maybe she just needed a sec.

Around two o’clock in the afternoon, Rainbow Dash found herself perched atop a lone cloud hovering within whistle-shot of the homely farmstead and its glistening apple orchards. It only took Rainbow five minutes to become anxiously self-aware of how lonely that cloud was, and the weather flier shot north and south specifically to grab two more clusters of mist to park around the spot so that it looked slightly less conspicuous.

At thirty minutes pass two, Rainbow was still there, staring down at the crops, pretending to be doing anything else than what she really was--which was hovering above the property like an obsessed stalker.

“Get it together, ya feather brain!” Rainbow Dash smacked herself in the skull. “She’s totally just your friend!” She smacked herself in the skull again. “All you wanna do is ask her about what happened over the past day and a half. If anypony would know, it’s Applejack!” Another thwack. “Face it! The pony likes being honest! Of course she’d give it to you straight!”

Silence.

Rainbow suddenly winced and grabbed her stinging skull.

“Owchies… nnngh… darn it! Why is this so hard for me?! She’s only Applejack!”

Just then, a glint of golden light flickered from down below. With a swish of an angelically blond mane, the mare in question trotted out of her barn with a crate full of empty baskets. She parked the thing by the side of the road and trotted around the back of the wagon, making sure the thing was latched up tight. As she paused for a breath in the warm afternoon sun, she stripped her hat off an fanned herself, straightening her glistening bangs as she smirked into the serenity of the moment. Rainbow Dash was certain she could smell the faint musk of sweat and playful scent of apples from dozens of feet up.

She blinked, then draped forward onto the edge of cloud with a prolonged sigh. “Yeahhhhh… she’s only Applejack…” the pegasus cooed, her blue smile being smooshed by the surface of the cloud. Her ruby eyes positively sparkled upon the sight of her, and it took a great deal of strength--and time--to sit herself upright once more. “Grgggh… Keep it together. Must ask her about this weekend. Must… ask about…”

Applejack opened a tool crate at the edge of the barn. She bent over and leaned her forward half into the trunk, rummaging around for a particular farm accessory as her tail swished back and forth. The crimson apples of her cutie mark glistened with perspiration across her supple, curved flank--

Rainbow Dash couldn’t see anymore because she had plastered her blue hooves over her eyes, forcing them shut. “We hung out this weekend. We went out for some cider.” She chanted. “We hung out this weekend. We went out for some cider. We…” Rainbow’s muzzle scrunched up cutely beneath her forelimbs. Her nostrils sniffed, as if imagining the aroma of the beverage as it hovered just beneath her noze. “We… talked… over cider… and Applejack…” She lowered her hooves, gazing calmly into the farmland surrounding her honest marefriend below. “...Applejack’s voice rang in my ears…”

Rainbow’s pupils enlarged as a warm breath softly left her lungs.

Happy Hour

“Spnkkkt!” Rainbow Dash hissed, dribbling miniature fountains of the elixir from the grooves of her teeth. She leaned back in her chair and rubbed her muzzle with a writhing forelimb. “This cider sucks!”

Applejack snorted before producing a heavy guffaw. She threw a nervous glance over her shoulder at the rest of the busy Canterlot restaurant. “I’m mighty glad you agree with me, sugarcube.” The mare leaned across the table and whispered, “But would it kill y’all to be a tad bit less rowdy about it?”

“What?” Rainbow smirked devilishly. “It’s a tragedy, I tell ya! Canterlot needs to know! Heck! All of Equestria should know!” With flapping wings, she lifted off the table and pointed at the half-empty mug in her hand. “Hey, everypony! You wanna know what liquified sandpaper tastes like?!”

“Rainbow!” Applejack hissed. With a single lunge, she bit onto Rainbow’s tail and yanked the pegasus down into her seat. “Mmmf--Honestly!”

Thud! “Owch!” Rainbow Dash placed the mug down and cradled her mangled tail with two hooves. “Why do you always go for this thing? For real?”

“Because you never fail to be so gosh-tootin’ obnoxious!” Applejack said with a scathing frown.

Rainbow merely smirked at her. “But really, Applejack, this cider blows. Like, big time.”

Applejack stared at her for three seconds… five seconds… eight and a half. She couldn’t help it; she collapsed in a state of deep, breathy chuckles.

Rainbow smirked, her wings flexing and unflexing as she returned to the mug and swirled it under her nostrils. “Like, for real? Did they fill this with fifty percent mud concentrate?”

“Just because we’re in the High Pollutin’ Diamond District don’t mean everything they serve here is honest-to-goddess nectar,” Applejack said. With a few aristocratic ponies staring at her, she leaned back in her chair and kicked her hooves up onto the table. “Which proves the point I was tryin’ to make to you.”

“Oh yeah?” Rainbow’s voice echoed into the mug as she braved another sip, only to grimace. “Ugh… and wh-what point is that?”

“That throwin’ tons of golden bits into somethin’ ain’t no substitute for pouring one’s heart and talent into the same thang.” Applejack tilted her head back and smirked proudly. “This here establishment likely serves cider every month of the year. And to what end?” Applejack polished the end of her hoof and pretended to examine it. “But when Sweet Apple Acres hits cider season…”

“...it’s mother buckin’ ambrosia!” Rainbow Dash said with a wink. “Got it.”

“Erm… right.” Applejack cleared her throat and sat up straight in her chair once again. “Though I might say it with a tad bit more grace, sugarcube.”

“So what? It’s the honest truth!”

“Right, but t’ain’t no reason for bein’ ugly with the truth.”

“Pffft. Oh come off of it, Prudejack!” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “It was just an expression.”

“I reckon so. And I’m mighty happy that you have so much respect for what my family produces every year. Only now, I hope ya might understand why we gotta make it in such small doses. ya hear?”

“Right…” Rainbow Dash stared boredly into her quaff as she swirled it in her hoof. “You put a lot of diligence and craftponyship and all that jazz--”

“Not just that, sugarcube,” Applejack said. She smiled warmly. “We put our love and commitment into it.”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow at her. “Love… and… whatnow?”

“Heheh… Reckon it sounds silly. But we really do put our hearts into what we do. If everythang was just mechnical-like, then it’d taste watered down and awful. Instead, we treat our apples like we treat our loved ones, and the rest works its way through. Like magic!”

Rainbow squinted. “You mean you buck your loved ones out of trees and squeeze ‘em out like juice?”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Now don’t be pullin’ a Twilight. Ya know rightly well what I mean.”

“Yeah, I hear you, Applejack.” Rainbow Dash nodded. “I kind of feel super bad for barking so angrily at you every year.”

“Ya just need to show up at the farm on time for once!” Applejack said with a smirk. “That way you won’t miss out on a single drop that’s due to ya!”

“Yeah, yeah. I get the picture.” Rainbow Dash breathed calmly. She stared once more at the mug and murmured under her breath, “Your love and… commitment…”

“I’m willin’ to bet that this year’s cider season is gonna be a tad bit huger than the last two or three years’ combined,” Applejack muttered. “Heck, it has to be.”

Rainbow looked up. “Why’s that?”

“To make up for my recent setback, is all,” Applejack said with a shrug.

“Set…” Rainbow blinked. “...back?”

“Hmmm?” Applejack glanced at her, then rolled her eyes. “T’ain’t no big deal.”

“No. No, I wanna know.”

“Well, I had to give up an awful lot of apples to prepare for… y’know… my ‘special sale’ at the Gala.”

“Oh?” Rainbow blinked. Then her ears drooped. “Oh…”

“Yeah…” Applejack took a deep breath. “I only have myself to blame.”

“Huh? For what?”

“Well, it was somethin’ of a nasty gamble on my part.”

“Hey!” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “We all put our hopes and dreams into that Gala! It wasn’t our fault that it royally crashed and burned!”

“Wasn’t it, though?”

Rainbow winced heavily and rubbed the back of her skull. “Yeah, well…”

“Makes no difference.” Applejack shook her head. “I feel bad for ya gals. Really, I do. Especially Rarity and her dream of romance come true.”

“Pfft… yeah, well…” Rainbow Dash smirked. “That mare dug herself in deep.”

“Not as deep a hole as I dug for my entire family.” Applejack’s ears drooped as she gazed limply at the tabletop. “The apples don’t just belong to me, y’know. They represent the cream of the crop of Sweet Apple Acres. When I invested the bushels for the sample table, I took a big cut out of what could have earned us regular profit. Now we’re behind in stock for the upcoming harvest.” Applejack shrugged with a sigh. “I’m still not sure how I’m gonna break it to Granny Smith and Big Mac. Someway, somehow, we’re gonna have to preserve some of what we have in store and bank on a really big cider season.”

“Wow, AJ. I didn’t realize how…” Rainbow fidgeted. “H-how involved all of that was.” She bit her lip. “Though, I guess it makes sense…”

“I had so much bet on this Gala earnin’ us the bits,” Applejack said. “I was bitin’ off more than I could chew. It’s only my fault, of course. I just wish the whole family didn’t have to flounder around because of it. Just because I did it for them don’t make it proper.”

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. Then, with nostrils flaring, she tilted the mug up and downed the rest of the cider.

Applejack gave her a double-take.

Rainbow Dash emptied the mug, slapped it down, and slapped a hoof over her chest. “Phweeeeee!” she wheezed, eyes bulging. Then, with bloodshot eyes, she leaned forward and bravely hissed, “If a bunch of Canterlot hackjobs could sell this crap for bits, then I know for a fact that you’re gonna sell the heck out of all your friggin’ apple juice, Applejack! Don’t you worry your big blonde head over nothin’, girl!”

Applejack blinked at her. With a warm smile, she chuckled and shook her head. “Yer somethin’ else, Rainbow. You know that?”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Rainbow Dash winked.

“I dunno, sugarcube, but it feels mighty fine to have a loyal marefriend believe in me so much.” She reached over and playfully punched the pony’s shoulder. “Thanks a bunch.”

Rainbow Dash exhaled heavily in an effort to keep her cheeks from burning. She rubbed her shoulder and in a weak whisper said…

Best Fliers Forever

Fluttershy’s cottage hung like a gorgeous painting in the afternoon sun, vibrant with swirling hues of green vegetation and rosy petals, all plastered against gray stone and brown earth. Within a short halo of space surrounding the abode, all walks of life flourished, from foraging ferrets to scurrying squirrels to bellicose bullfrogs and other forms of animalistic alliteration.

This was the one place where Rainbow Dash did not fly swiftly. The pegasus politely lowered her airspeed and coasted down in a gentle spiral. Her heart was still racing from the accelerated burst she had performed along the cloudtops surrounding Sweet Apple Acres, but as soon as she touched down on the fringes of her friend’s lawn, she instantly calmed down. There was a gentle hush to the air, as if the wind blowing against the individual blades of grass resonated with Fluttershy’s melodic voice.

Rainbow inhaled, inhaled, inhaled… and vacated her lungs with an exhausted expression. Her wings drooped as her legs buckled beneath her, but she caught her balance at the last second. Her heart had returned to a normal rate, and she shuffled forward with serenity and laziness.

“That was close… too close…” She gulped dryly. “That was closer than a hair’s breadth. Like friggin’... I dunno… uber hair’s?”

Birds chirped overhead and a squirrel or two paused to blink at the pegasus on her way to the front door.

“Hey ya, little guys.” Rainbow Dash smirked. “Fluttershy treating you well? Pffft…” She rolled her eyes. “Of course she’s treating you well.” A carrot flew in out of nowhere and violently ricocheted off Rainbow’s forehead. Smirking, she didn’t flinch one inch. “Nice to see you too, Angel.”

Humming to herself, Rainbow Dash reached the door and knocked on it.

A few seconds later, a voice meekly sing-songed from within: ”You may come in!

With a calm smile, Rainbow Dash opened the door…

A swath of light shone on Fluttershy’s tiny figure as she cowered in the middle of the school supply room. Sniffling, the filly looked up from her overhanging lock of pink hair. Teary aquamarine eyes reflected a petite pegasus in the doorframe.

“Jeez, will ya look at yourself?” Rainbow Dash frowned. The rushing air of young fliers zipped by right outside the cloudstone structure. “You look like a deflated yellow balloon! I’m surprised you’re not afraid of your own shadow!”

“Eeep!” Fluttershy gasped. Her shaking head littered fresh tears onto the floor as she regarded each dark shape with renewed fright.

“Whoah whoah whoah! Take it easy!” Rainbow waved her tiny hooves. Kicking the door shut behind her, she trotted softly towards the dainty filly’s side. “It was just a joke! You’re not scared of jokes too, huh?”

Fluttershy merely bit her lip and hid behind the length of her silken mane.

“Quiet pony, huh?” Rainbow Dash smirked. “I could never be that silent all of the time.” She tilted her chin up and boasted towards the ceiling of the small room. “Because I was born to thrill and kill! And until the second one becomes legal, I’m stuck with doing everything else at maximum volume! Heh heh heh!” She leaned over and nudged Fluttershy’s shoulder. “But you’re okay. Just for you, I’ll be awesome at a few lower decibels, okay?”

No response.

“Don’t wanna chat?” Rainbow Dash shrugged her petite wings. “Pfffft. Fine. But could you at least answer me one question?” With a scrunched up face, she sat down by the pegasus’ side. “Why’d you let those stupid colts wipe the floor with you? You could have stood up for yourself, y’know!”

Fluttershy’s eyes clenched shut as she curled into a little yellow ball.

“They can’t see your face half of the time because of your mane!” Rainbow Dash smirked as she leaned down to speak directly into the foal’s ear. “That’s totally your chance to surprise them with a headbutt! Like this!” She grinded her hooves.

“Mmmmm!” Fluttershy inched away from her.

“What?! I wasn’t gonna hit you!” Rainbow Dash’s brow furrowed. “Besides, if I did, something tells me you’d snap like a twig.”

Fluttershy let loose a shuddering breath. Her eyelids squeezed a new tear or two out.

“Hey… hey hey, look at me…” Rainbow Dash squatted down beside her. “My name is Rainbow Dash. What’s yours, girl?”

Fluttershy sniffled. She braved a glance up… then a second. “Mmm… Fl-Fluttershy…”

“Fluttershy, huh?” Rainbow Dash smirked. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

Fluttershy’s cheeks blushed red.

Rainbow Dash saw it. She merely blew her bangs out from over her blue brow and uttered, “Well, Fluttershy, my name is Rainbow Dash. Middle name ‘Danger,’ though sometimes just ‘Awesome’ will do. And someday, I’m gonna be the greatest, fastest flier in all of Cloudsdale!” She leaned forward. “You know what that means?”

Sniffling, Fluttershy glanced at her, slowly shaking her head and muzzle.

Rainbow smirked. “It means…” She stretched a wing out and pulled Fluttershy closer. “...if you stick with me, you’re gonna go places. Wickedly cool places.” She winked. “And don’t you worry about those nasty bullies. I’m gonna whip their butts this afternoon for you.” She tilted her head up again. “Nope. You don’t have to thank me.”

Fluttershy merely blinked at her. She felt the pony’s wing around her side, but she said and did nothing.

“Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I flew ten laps around Ghastly Gorge in a single day?” Rainbow Dash beamed. “Better hold onto your bridle, girl! Cuz it’s a whopper of an awesome tale!”

“And just like that--kapow!” Rainbow Dash spun her tiny body in the air. The sun’s rays glistened off her cutie mark as she hovered around Fluttershy atop the cloud. “I hit a pocket of air and blew back the falcons that were trying to eat me for lunch! Hah!” She touched down on the edge of the mists and stretched her wings out like the metal foils of a statue. “They’ll think twice before trying to rake their talons across pony flesh again! I bet half of Cloudsdale owes me their future lives cuz of that one!”

Fluttershy merely blinked at her. Her tail flicked as she listened to Rainbow Dash’s account.

“But I wasn’t done! I wanted to rub it in their faces--er… beaks!” Rainbow Dash smirked devilishly. “So I flew back to their nests and buzzed it no less than three times! Heheheh--Stupid buzzards couldn’t catch me! I nearly knocked their eggs out of the twigs on the last turn! Heheheh… Vrmmm-mmmm!”

“You… y-you didn’t hurt the hatchlings, did you?”

Rainbow Dash froze in place, blinking wide. She pivoted and stared down at the pony.

Fluttershy saw the gaze and looked away, blushing beet-red.

Rainbow Dash smirked. “Oh… so she can speak now, huh?”

Fluttershy bit her lip.

“How long have I been hanging out up here on this cloud with you?” Rainbow Dash hovered with her hooves on her hips. “Looking after you? Beating up those morons who call you names?”

Silence.

“Pffft. You really do have the weirdest timing, girl.”

“I… uhm…”

Rainbow Dash leaned forward. “Hmmm? What is it?”

“I would… l-like to hear more about your adventures in Ghastly Gorge.” Fluttershy smiled demurely. “If that’s alright with you.”

“Hah! Alright!” Rainbow Dash flew down and squatted right beside the filly. “I’m glad you asked! Cuz I forgot to talk about this totally awesome run-in I had with a pack of Timberwolves who were all hanging out at the bottom of the ravine!”

“T-T-Timberwolves?” Fluttershy trembled. “Really?”

“Relax, girl!” Rainbow Dash rested her wing on her and winked. “Nothing I couldn’t handle! Besides, I kicked enough of them so hard in the wooden snout that they’ll not ever bother ponies ever again! Yup! Every nasty creature from here to Blue Valley knows all about Rainbow Danger Dash!”

As Rainbow Dash began her invigorating tale, Fluttershy smiled with warm contentment. When Rainbow Dash wasn’t looking, she leaned over and nuzzled her head into the crook of Rainbow’s neck.

“I don’t like it,” Rainbow Dash grumbled, her forelimbs folded as the two sat on a hill beneath Cloudsdale. “I don’t like it one bit.”

“I… I-I don’t see what the problem is,” Fluttershy remarked while tending to a basket of mewling kittens.

“Just look!” Rainbow Dash’s voice cracked as she gestured towards Fluttershy’s flank. “Just look at how big you’ve gotten!”

“B-big?” Fluttershy’s eyes twitched. She glanced at herself and stammered, “But I’ve been keeping a steady diet and--”

“I mean compared to me!” Rainbow moaned, her face long. “Check it!” She squatted beside Fluttershy as if preparing for a long distance race. “Stretch your head and tail out!”

“Rainbow, I don’t see what’s so--”

“Just do it!”

Wincing, Fluttershy obediently stretched her spine out. “Like th-this?”

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhh…” Rainbow whined. “You’re at least a good two inches longer!”

“Rainbow Dash…” Fluttershy smiled sweetly. “It’s not necessary for you to be the same size as me--”

“Like hay it is!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, breathless. “How the heck am I to protect you when I’m like a friggin’ pipsqueak in comparison?”

Fluttershy shrugged and leaned over to nuzzle a kitten or two, ushering them back into the basket. “Your body just decided to grow a little slower than mine. It’s okay at our age. At least that’s what the teachers are saying--”

“Well, the teachers are wrong!” Rainbow Dash pouted, folding her forelimbs in a slump. “They’re all together in their stupidness anyways! You see the way they frown and snap at me!”

Fluttershy fidgeted. “Well, perhaps if you didn’t break the rules so much and skip so many classes--”

“Pfft! And what? Be bound by their rules?” Rainbow Dash smirked evilly. “I’m a rebel, girl! You know that.”

“Oh. Yes. I suppose I do--”

“And I can’t get an edge in with my muscle, then I might as well with mind games!” Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth. “Grrrrrr--Make ponies afraid of me, y’know?”

“I… don’t think I would enjoy ponies being angry at you.”

“Why not? You think any of them mean anything?”

“Well… uh…”

“Who’s your loyal wingpony, huh?” Rainbow Dash leaned in, smirking as she held a wing over Fluttershy’s side. “Who sticks by your side no matter what?”

Fluttershy giggled inwardly, her cheeks rosy. “You do, of course.”

“And do you really want me losing my edge? Huh?” Rainbow Dash smirked. “Somepony’s gotta be able to catch you when you fall!”

“I have no doubt that you can and will do that, Rainbow.” Fluttershy bit her lip. “Although, you may wanna ease up a little…”

“Huh? Ease up?!”

“You’re such a go-getter, Rainbow Dash. I just don’t want you overexerting yourself--”

“Hah!” Rainbow Dash jerked away from her with an incredulous smirk. “Like what? What of your kittens?”

“Well… in a way.” Fluttershy petted one or two of them as she gazed at the pegasus. “You know I care for you more than all of my special critters combined--”

“But I’m not weak like any of them! You know that?”

“Oh Rainbow, I never said you were.”

“Darn straight! You know why? Cuz no kitten or bunny rabbit could kick some nasty flank for you!” Rainbow Dash scooted back over and nudged the filly’s shoulder. “Just you wait and see, Fluttershy. Someday, we’re gonna bust down the doors of Cloudsdale and really get some good air! There’s a whole crazy world of awesomeness just waiting for us, and together we’re gonna witness it with our own eyes! I don’t care how many jerks stand in our way! I’ll give them the boot; you’ll give them the stare. Nopony will ever think of dragging us down!”

“Heeheehee… you almost sound like you wanna conquer the world, Rainbow.”

“Why not?” Rainbow smirked. “It’s ours, isn’t it?” Rainbow leaned into Fluttershy’s weight with a relaxed sigh. “It’s like what I keep telling you, Fluttershy. Everything makes sense so long as you know how to fight for what’s right.”

“Yes. You do… erm… say that a lot…”

Rainbow Dash’s face leaned back, her eyes round and wounded upon seeing her friend jerk away. “But… but…” Her voice dwindled into a faint squeak. Gulping, she murmured into the gray air of the cold wintry afternoon. “Fluttershy, I don’t understand. I… you…” Her lips quivered. “Don’t… don’t you like me?”

“Rainbow Dash, of course I like you,” Fluttershy said, holding the pegasus’ shoulders at forelimb’s distance. She gazed softly into the pegasus’ confused face. “In fact, I love you.”

“Then… then I don’t get it…” Rainbow Dash began to shiver. “What’s wrong? Did… did I do something to frighten you?”

‘“Frighten’ isn’t the word for it,” Fluttershy said, glancing nervously at the snowy ground beneath them. “I care for you deeply, Rainbow Dash. You mean more to me than any other pony I know. You’re like a sister to me. A sister who actually cares about me and is willing to give me all the time of the day…”

“Just… a sister…?”

“Oh Rainbow…” Fluttershy hung her head with a sad breath. “I was worried this would happen.”

“Huh? How?” Rainbow frowned. “Fluttershy, are you playing some kind of stupid game with me?”

“No, Rainbow. No game.” Fluttershy looked up with glossy eyes. Her smile was a fragile thing. “I would never play a game like that with you. I care for you too much.”

“Then… then I don’t get it…”

“You’ve been my best friend for as long as I remember.” Fluttershy sniffled and placed a gentle hoof on her shoulder. “And I shall always care for you as a friend. But… but I think we both know that that this… this is all it will ever be. Friendship.”

Rainbow Dash blinked. Her eyes began to water. “Only… fr-friends?”

“The best of friends, Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy softly said, sniffling. “I can’t imagine myself living without your sincerity, your loyalty, your sweetness, but… but I’m afraid I can’t--”

“Nnngh!” Rainbow Dash suddenly batted her hoof off her shoulder with a seething expression. “You’d love living with my ‘stupidity’ is what you mean!”

“What?” Fluttershy gasped, eyes wide and tearful. “Rainbow, n-no!”

“Because that’s what I am, isn’t it?!” Rainbow Dash’s wings stretched out as her body began heaving. “All th-this time…” She gritted her teeth and grumbled. “Stupid! So… fr-friggin’ stupid!” She reached forward and slammed her skull repeatedly with two angry hooves. “Stupid stupid stupid--!”

“Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy gasped and rushed forward. “Don’t hurt yourself! I hate it when you do that--”

“And yet you still let me get hurt! Didja?!” Rainbow shoved her back and began flapping her wings. “Didn’t st-stop you from g-getting all those hugs in, you… you… wuss!” With a squealing sound, Rainbow Dash clenched her eyes tightly shut and zipped away.

“Rainbow Dash! Don’t fly away!” Fluttershy stammered, stifling a sob. “You know I can’t catch up with you! Please! Come back!” She clasped a pair of hooves over her grimacing muzzle. “Mmmm--Rainbow! Come back, please! I don’t want you to go! I don’t want…” She shuddered and collapsed across the snow, burying her crying face into her forelimbs.

In a panicked glide, Fluttershy drifted and drifted through the fog until she approached the edge of Ghastly Gorge. There, she spotted a lone figure perched on the edge of the ravine. Several open containers lingered by the equine’s side.

With a sharp gasp, Fluttershy instantly descended. She landed clumsily on scraping hooves, scattering pebbles to the cliff face and parting the mists by a tear. Gulping, she trotted forward towards the seated pony’s flank.

“Rainbow, I’ve been looking all over for you! Is it true? Did… did you drop out of flight school?”

“Mmmmff… flight school?” Rainbow Dash’s body jerked with a spastic hiccup. “Who cares for that stupid mess.” She teetered back and forth where she sat. “Always kept me bogged down…”

“Bogged down?!” Fluttershy’s eyes blinked widely. “Rainbow Dash, how long have you been wanting to join the Wonderbolts?! And without a diploma in Basic Flight Training, you know better than anypony that they wouldn’t accept--” She froze in mid-speech, her aquamarine eyes reflecting the image of several empty bottles. She bit her lip until her muzzle flushed red. “Oh dear. Rainbow, have… h-have you been drinking cider again?”

“Mmmmf--So what if I have?” Rainbow’s head twitched and leaned to the side. “Only thing that goes straight through me besides r-rotten luck.”

“I… I don’t understand, Rainbow Dash. What’s happened?” Silence. With an anxious breath, Fluttershy trotted closer, sitting directly behind the pegasus. “Rainbow Dash, I’m your friend! Speak to me! Pl-please! What brought all of this on?”

“That’s what I k-keep asking myself, y’know,” the mare grumbled. “Ever since I was born. What brought all the rotten luck on? First, it took my Mom. Then it took my Dad’s legs. Then, it took him. And now? Heh…” She lifted a bottle up to her lips, only for it to rattle empty. She gave it a good shake regardless, groaned, then tossed the thing into the dark ravine before her. “Now it’s come to finish what’s left.” Her cold tone was punctuated by the distant echo of a smashing bottle.

“Finish what’s… left?” Fluttershy’s face scrunched up in thought. Finally, she gasped in realization. “Rainbow! You… you mean…?”

At last, the pegasus stared over her shoulder. A glazed expression cast a gray sheen across her frowning muzzle. “I went to my appointment at Cloudsdale Central last week.” She shuddered briefly. “I really, really doubt the Wonderbolts are gonna want to induct a noodle onto their team.”

Fluttershy’s mouth hung open. Tears rolled down her face. “Oh, Rainbow…”

“Meh.” Rainbow Dash stood up on wobbly legs. “It’s fine.”

Sniffling, Fluttershy trotted forward. “But how could you say that--?”

“Look, I said it’s fine and it’s fine!” Rainbow Dash growled, frowning away from Fluttershy’s hurt expression. “I should just get used to life throwing me curve balls. Wouldn’t be the first time my dreams shattered.”

Fluttershy blinked. With a shuddering breath she managed to squeak, “Please. You’ve been through so much as it is. You mustn’t punish yourself…”

“Oh, I’m not punishing myself,” Rainbow grumbled. “But when I find the thing I will beat to pulp, I’m gonna make sure it gets me a ticket to some place that isn’t lame!” She flapped her wings and tore off for the sky in a haphazard, weaving pattern. “I’m gonna have enough of that is following me around for friggin’ ever, now!”

Slowly, Fluttershy trotted down the hill, carrying a basket of flowers from a frolicking day in the field. She hummed pleasantly to herself, and it was only when she was within twenty feet of her cottage that she came to a stop. Blinking, she gazed in astonishment at the figure that had parked herself along the building’s front stoop.

“Rainbow?” She leaned forward, one pensive hoof held high. “Rainbow Dash…?”

The pegasus said nothing.

Slowly, cautiously, Fluttershy placed the basket down and trotted forward. She squatted down beside the mare and gazed at her face.

“I… I haven’t seen you in ages! Are you okay? What have you been up to?”

Rainbow was shaking ever so slightly. She slowly lifted her muzzle. Her eyes were dull, like worn ruby pebbles. “Listing Breeze and I broke up…”

Fluttershy merely stared at her. At last, her breath funneled through. “Listing… I… I didn’t know the two of you were that close.”

“Didn’t you, though?”

Fluttershy bit her lip. She slowly shook her head. “I… I’ve barely seen you these past few months. It’s like you had moved to another continent and--”

“She said that I needed to grow a spine.” Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth. “Does she even know who she’s talking to? I’m the toughest pony Equestria has ever seen!” She shuddered briefly. “Just because I don’t want to make a complete dirty freak of myself doesn’t mean… d-doesn’t mean that I’m not…” She hissed through a squeaking voice. “... n-not like that. I am, though. I am st-strong…” She ran a hoof over her face, shuddering.

Fluttershy instantly cooed, “Oh Rainbow Dash. She’s a terrible, cruel, mean pony! I don’t care what good things Listing Breeze has done. Anypony who breaks your heart deserves to be--” She stopped in mid-sentence, suddenly grimacing.

Rainbow Dash didn’t even have to look at her. “You n-never did, Fluttershy,” the pegasus squeaked. “Don’t ever think like th-that. You were the one who m-made it…” Rainbow Dash hiccuped as moisture slid down her squirming hooves. “I’m so sorry, Fluttershy,” she murmured into her forelimbs. “I’m sorry for ever hating you.”

“Rainbow…” Fluttershy smiled warmly as she scooped the mare into a soft hug. “You never hated me. All you ever said and did, you did with love. The most sincere love I’ve ever witnessed.” She sniffled as she nuzzled the mare. “Such a sweet, loyal pony. With such a kind and tender heart…”

“You t-tell anypony…” Rainbow Dash hissed as she surrendered to Fluttershy’s embrace, hiding her leaking face in the mare’s chest. “So br-breathe one word of it and I’ll… I’ll clobber… clobber…” She whimpered. “Not you. But I’ll fl-fly away! I’ll fly away so far that you and everypony else will n-never find me! I swear!”

“Shhhhh…” Fluttershy gently rocked her. “No you won’t, Rainbow.” She smiled as she nuzzled her harder. “You will do no such thing.”

“I’m just so sick of it, Fluttershy…” Rainbow Dash murmured between indecipherable sobs. “I’m so sick of tired and aiming and missing. Each. Friggin’. Time…”

“One day, you will hit dead center, Rainbow,” Fluttershy whispered. “And that pony will hold you. She will hold you forever and never let you go…”

Rainbow Dash said nothing; she simply quivered in Fluttershy’s forelimbs, her tears searching where her words could no longer reach.

“It went as well as could be expected,” Rainbow Dash said as she hovered in the corner of Fluttershy’s front living room. She pretended to examine a bird cage, playfully knocking the empty thing with a limp forelimb. She paused and flexed the leg at the joint, wincing slightly. “Nnnngh… though it was a tad bit awkward.”

“Oh?” Fluttershy looked up from a kettle of soup she was stirring for the animals by the fireplace. “When was the last time Gilda and you saw each other? Flight School?”

“Junior Speedsters Flight Camp.”

“I was close, though.”

“Hmmm… Sure you were.” Rainbow Dash smirked as she hovered lazily across the room. “Anyways, we hung out after dinner, talked about flight moves, the latest Wonderbolt--Soarin’.”

“Oh, I hear he’s such a nice pony.”

“Everyone’s a ‘nice pony’ to you, Fluttershy.”

She shrugged with a gentle smirk. “I try to be positive.”

“But… it got kind of weird when we parted ways to say goodnight.”

“Uh oh…” Fluttershy winced slightly. “Do I want to hear this part?”

“Fluttershyyyyyyy…” Rainbow Dash chuckled. “Stop fearing the worst! It’s not like everypony I date is gonna end up like Listing Breeze!”

“Still, I get nervous, is all,” Fluttershy said as she continued stirring. A beat. “So… uhm… the awkward part?”

“Heheh… well, it’s hard to explain…” Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her neck. “I never… uh… m-made out with someone with a beak before.”

Fluttershy nearly dropped the ladle into the broth. “Oh. Dear. That must… uh… that must be very strange.”

“It kind of was. And it was kind of ticklish in a way.” Rainbow Dash then waggled her eyebrows. “Especially when I made Gilda growl like a panther.”

“Oh!” Fluttershy flinched, her wings arched out. “Alright, Rainbow! Enough! Let us speak about something else, if th-that’s alright with you!”

“Heh heh heh…”

“Honestly! I’m trying to feed my little friends here.”

“Come onnnn.” Rainbow Dash couldn’t stop giggling. “You love it, girl!”

“Rainbow Dash? I…” Fluttershy hung her head in a jittery fashion as the two trotted across the star-swept center of Ponyville. “I don’t know about this…”

“Come on! It’s one of Pinkie Pie’s surprise parties!” Rainbow Dash said as she hovered just a few inches above the ground. “And besides!” She winked with a pleasant smile. “It’s not like she’s throwing it for you!”

“Yes, but they still tend to startle me.” Fluttershy gulped. “Especially with h-how loud they tend to get…”

“Look, you really need to get out some more! It’ll be healthy for you to meet a creature that doesn’t have to shriek like a banshee to let you know they want feeding time!” Rainbow Dash flew ahead and opened the door to the library treehouse where a hushed group of ponies were already huddling in the dark. “Besides, you’re gonna wanna meet this pony! She’s a total laugh! Plus, she’s from Canterlot! Maybe she can talk to you about the critters they keep in that Royal Garden you’re always rambling about!”

“Royal… Garden…?”

“‘Twilight Sparkle,’” Rainbow Dash said with a smirk. “With a name like that, you can bet she’s as pampered as they get!”

“I… I dunno…” Fluttershy rubbed one forelimb with another and stared off towards the hazy night sky. “I’m usually not out this late. Besides, Angel may be missing me by now and--”

“Fluttershy. Let’s be real here.” Rainbow Dash touched down--teetered on wobbly legs--but caught her bearings in time to stare Fluttershy in the face. “You need to make good friends. You can’t just depend on me forever.”

“But… but you’re the loyalest of ponies and--”

“No matter how awesome I am, you have to fight for your place in this world yourself.” Rainbow’s eyes narrowed. “I wouldn’t tell you this if I didn’t want to protect you.” Her lips curved again. “And you know… that I’ve always only wanted to protect you.”

Fluttershy bit her lip.

“It’s healthy, Fluttershy. Shoot, it’s done wonders for me.” She winked. “Besides, I’m willing to bet that you’ll be making somepony’s day. Because I know for a fact that…” Her voice wavered slightly. “...th-there’s no better friend that a pony can have than you.”

Fluttershy stared at her. Gradually, she formed a sweet smile and flapped the very tips of her wings. “Okay. Uhm… if you insist.”

“I do.” Rainbow Dash chuckled as she motioned with her head. “Now move your flank and come on in!” With a swish of her tail, the pegasus walked through the doorway…

...and onto the threshold of Fluttershy’s cottage. “Hey, Flutters! ‘Sup?!”

“Oh, Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy smiled from where she sat on a couch, knitting a fresh rabbit-sized sweater. “How nice of you to drop in! Did you get to sleep well after arriving from Canterlot?”

“Hmmm… uhhh…” Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head as she stumbled quietly through the room. “I guess you could say that--” One of her legs tripped and she nearly fell on her chest. “Ugh! Darn it!”

“Rainbow Dash. There’s no need when you’re with me,” Fluttershy said with a calm smile.

“Yeah…” Rainbow Dash’s cheeks went slightly rosy. With flapping wings, she easily hovered towards her favorite corner of the room. “I see that you dusted the place.”

“Hmmm? Oh, yeah.” Fluttershy smiled bashfully. “ I guess you could say that Rarity’s touch is rubbing off on me.”

“Yeaugh…” Rainbow made a face as she stared at her reflection in a jar above the fireplace. “This world’s coming to an end. I know it.”

Fluttershy giggled lightly. “What brings you here? I thought you’d be sleeping in.”

“I kind of did that already.” She replied, then glanced curiously over her shoulder. “But what gave you the idea?”

“Well, you got home really late, didn’t you?” Fluttershy asked. “You and Applejack?”

“Errrr…” Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her neck. “Yeahhhh…”

“You both took the last train home. I figured you had decided to spend more time together.”

“You really think so?”

“Well, don’t you know?”

Rainbow Dash bit her lip.

Fluttershy paused in her knitting. She raised an eyebrow curiously.

“I… I kind of forget, Fluttershy.”

“Forget what?”

“Uhm…” Rainbow winced as she breathed out the side of her gritting teeth. “The wholllle weekenddddd?”

“The whole weeke--?” Fluttershy gasped in mid sentence. “Rainbow Dash! Was it… did you hit the cider again?”

“No! Of course not!” Rainbow waved her forelimbs, then twisted her muzzle. “Well, okay, maybe a little--”

“Rainbow Dash--!”

“But it’s okay!” Rainbow Dash’s voice cracked as hard as her awkward grin. “Applejack was with me!”

“Apple… jack…?”

“I know it sounds strange, and I’m still trying to figure it all out myself, but… it… you see…”

Fluttershy stared silently with a gaping expression, waiting patiently on her lifelong friend.

At last, with a sullen sigh, Rainbow Dash slumped down on the couch besides Fluttershy. More seconds passed. “Okay…” She finally exhaled with a crooked grin. Her cheeks were instantly burning. “Promise to keep a secret?”

“Of course!” Fluttershy blinked.

Rainbow raised a hoof. “Pinkie Pie Swear?”

Fluttershy raised her own and nodded. “Now, tell me what’s on your heart and mind, Rainbow.”

Rainbow stared back at her. She smiled. She blushed. She blushed and she smiled...

Oops

“You see, Fluttershy, it’s not a big deal… only it is. Well, for me it’s a big deal, I guess.” Rainbow Dash pensively rubbed her hooves together as she stared at the floor beneath the couch. “Everytime I’m around this pony who shall not be named, my heart does stuff that I only imagined it would when I’m doing wild flips or practicing my cloud-kicking maneuvers.”

“I see…” Fluttershy nodded slowly.

“And… like… I could just pretend that it wasn’t a thing and carry on with my life, only it is a thing. Heh… it’s a pretty big thing. It’s a the last thing I think about as I go to sleep, and it’s the first thing I think about when I wake up.” Rainbow Dash’s muzzle curved as the ends of her feathers fluttered. “I could be super miserable on my most sucky of days and I’ll just think about this pony and suddenly everything is all cool, y’know? All I have to do is murmur her name and it’s like fireworks are goin’ off in my skull. You ever had that happen before?”

“Uhm… I guess?” Fluttershy gave a nervous smile. “Though not about another mare. But… well… you know that.”

“How about a stallion?”

An instant curtain of red fell over Fluttershy’s figure. “Uhhhhh--”

Rainbow Dash went on. “I’ve been with a few mares before, Fluttershy. Listing Breeze… Gilda… that… uhm… that one mare in Las Pegasus.” Rainbow Dash rubbed her neck nervously, but threw it off with a deep breath. “But I’ve never felt about any of them like I feel about… th-this pony.” She smiled delicately again. “I feel it somewhere that I can’t describe. Past all the bones and guts and gunk n’stuff. I think this is it. This is that true love crap. I mean, how else can I explain it?”

“If you ask me, it sounds like you’ve got a crush.”

“Yeah--No!” Rainbow frowned. “It’s not just a stupid little crush!” Rainbow Dash blinked, and her eyes sparkled as she anxiously murmured, “Is it?”

“Well…” Fluttershy brushed her mane back and searched the walls with her eyes as she said, “Every pony is capable of very intense feelings of passion and love. As the Element of Kindness, I’ve always believed that this energy is best distributed everywhere and equally.”

“Is that why you’re so gentle and wishy-washy all the time?” Rainbow Dash droned with a sharp glare.

“Heeheehee…” Fluttershy smiled pleasantly. “If that’s what you call it, then I am happy to carry those labels.”

“Ungh… I was hoping you would understand what I’m going through, Fluttershy!” Rainbow Dash lifted off the couch and hovered about the room in a dwindling circle. “Sometimes, I think I’m going insane! Each day, it gets crazier and crazier! I can’t stop thinking about her, and I’m afraid of the day when I let something slip and she figures it out! She figures me out! I mean, for one thing, that’s kind of healthy… because it means that she’s popped the balloon for both of us. But for another, it’s bad news bears, because what if she rejects me? I mean… of course she’ll reject me!” Rainbow Dash ran two hooves over her face and groaned. “She doesn’t have the same interests as me! Besides, it would make everything about us super awkward. And… and I don’t know how I’d be able to hang out with her again, because something would have been lost that shouldn’t have been screwed with in the first place! And for what?! Just so I could coo at her with lovey-dovey eyes for one second of her knowing it as if it meant everything in the world even though it does and yet it doesn’t and--”

“It’s Applejack, isn’t it?”

Rainbow Dash slammed into the wall, did a backflip, and landed on the floor like a skewered blue dragonfly. She looked through a pair of dizzy eyes and found Fluttershy with a horrified gasp. “How… how… h-h-h-how did you kn-know that?!” her voice cracked in utmost terror.

Fluttershy softly shrugged. “It was simply a guess. I mean, the two of you have been spending a lot of time together lately, and then you both came back late from Canterlot--

Swooosh! Rainbow Dash was then hovering straight in Fluttershy’s face. “Does it show?! I mean, h-how easily can you tell?! Am I that obvious?!” She leaned back and pulled at the edges of her eyes. “Ohhhhhhhhhh-Can I really be that transparent?!”

“What? N-no, Rainbow!” Fluttershy shook her head with wide eyes. “You’re not transparent! Even if you sometimes blush whenever Applejack brushes her hoof across your shoulder… or if she walks into the room unannounced.” Fluttershy blinked. “Or… uhm… when she displays her singing voice. Or when all of us can smell how sweaty she is from a full day of apple bucking. Or when she so much as says your name. Or when you simply trot by a cart of apples in the marketplace--”

“Ohhhhhhhhh-unghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” Rainbow fell to her knees and buried her face in the couch cushion. She banged repeatedly on her colorful skull. “Mmmmmmf--I’m so patheticccccccc.” She clutched her skull and shook. “How could I let anypony j-just see through me like that?!” She gazed up with a quivering lip. “AJ’s bound to figure it out at this rate! So’s everypony else!”

Fluttershy suppressed a giggle and caressed Rainbow’s chin. “I don’t think so, Rainbow Dash. After all, I only figured it out because… well… let’s face it, I know you more than the other girls do.” She smiled sweetly and brushed the pegasus’ bangs. “We’ve been around each other longer. What’s more, you’re a great deal more open about things with me.”

“But that’s because I trust you, Fluttershy.”

“And you don’t trust the others?”

“Of course I do! Just…” Rainbow Dash sat back and rubbed her elbow, flexing it. “Not with some stuff…”

“I don’t see why not.” Fluttershy shrugged. “They all love you, Rainbow. They would accept you no matter what.”

“You sure about that?” Rainbow Dash winced. “What about… y’know… Applejack?” She gulped. “You know as well as I do that I’d totally freak her out with… with the truth…”

“Who’s to say?”

“Who’s to--Snkkkt!” Rainbow Dash frowned. “You’re way too positive for anyone’s good.”

Fluttershy chuckled breathily. “It goes a long way, though, Rainbow Dash.”

“And I wanna go a long way,” Rainbow said. “With everypony, that is. With you, with the girls. With… w-with Applejack…” Rainbow sighed and slumped onto the couch cushion until her blue chin was mushed against it once more. “I feel like we have something special, but only I know it. That’s… totally not fair. At times I feel as if… as if…” She winced as if she was giving birth. “...as if I should drop the whole thing altogether.”

Fluttershy stroked Rainbow’s hair while looking across the cottage in thought. “Hmmm…” She smiled. “Perhaps…” She gazed down at Rainbow. “Perhaps you should consider looking at it really closely.”

“Huh?”

“Ask yourself this question.” Fluttershy leaned forward. “Just what is it about Applejack that you love so much?”

Rainbow Dash blinked blankly.

“What about her makes it worth cherishing the thought of our honest friend? And what about it makes it worth keeping hidden like such a fragile secret?”

Rainbow fidgeted against the couch. Her cheeks turned red as she murmured breathily, “Why do I love Applejack…?”

Let Me Dash the Ways

”I guess it’s kind of tough to put into words. Do I love her? Did I always love her? Heck, the two of us butted heads sometimes. Heh… loads of times. You know, since the first day I glided into Ponyville to become this town’s loyal weather flier, Applejack was the only pony who ever stood up to me. I mean… pffft… not like I was some bully or flankhole or nothin’. Just, I always knew what I wanted to do or what I wanted to have happened and so I went after it. Everypony stepped aside for my awesomeness. Applejack? Applejack didn’t.

“She was the first to challenge anything I ever said or did. While every pony thought I was cool, she was always there to raise her hoof and explain her reservations. Heck, I never even had a second thought about any of the cool stuff I wanted to do until she plopped her orange flank into the equation! If I wanted to do a low-fly by over the farm fields, she’d bark at me for disturbing the crops with my speed. When I was too lazy to kick away the northern rain clouds, she’d give me an earful about how the moisture could be needed in the arid fields to the south, and suggested I’d get off my lazy butt and move them elsewhere. If there was a prank that I did that went too crazy, she’d be the first to bite my head off.

“At first, I thought she was challenging me. Heck, there are moments when I still think that. I can’t how many friggin’ times she’s bitten onto my tail and hoisted me down to the ground like I’m some sort of runaway parade balloon. Who does she think she is? Biting a pegasus’ tail? What--does she think she owns the earth or something?

“Well, I told myself that if she owned the ground, then I owned the sky! And, boy, if that doesn’t beat the ground in sheer awesomeness by a factor of… of… I dunno, a really huge friggin’ number! Heh. I simply gave her the cold wing and went about my business. But the dang mare didn’t let up! Every time she saw me, there was something or another that she had to chew my ear out about. Always some bone to pick. It was like she was on some sort of divine mission to drive me crazy.

“So… y’know… I kind of got really bugged out by her. You remember this, don’tcha? I used to complain about it all the time. But then one day I totally owned her. I forget what it was. Some sort of race we did around the outside of Sweet Apple Acres. I did it to make her shut up about how quickly I could clear up the skies. I’d have given the same dare to Twilight, but I knew the egghead would have cracked in two if she so much as galloped ten feet.

“Anyways, I totally smoked Applejack in the race. Doesn’t matter if she was stuck on the ground and I was up in the air. I showed who was boss that day. I realized then that the mare was all talk. Pffft… Like I should have given a crap about what she felt about me or my work ethic or my attitude.

“And yet, even though I beat her, she… didn’t let up. At first, I thought it was stubborn pride, but it was different. Totally different. I’ve dealt with sore losers before, Fluttershy. If you win as much as me, then you know that they’re a friggin’ dime-o-dozen. With Applejac, it’s like she wasn’t ever angry at me. Well, okay, so maybe she was angry at me. It was the kind of anger that only comes and goes when it has to, like the tide or some crap. It’s the sort of anger that I would expect from a parent. And at first that kind of bugged me. But then I realized that… well… I couldn’t remember at time when… when my Dad was ever angry at me. My Dad was super kind and gentle and awesome in his own quiet way. But he never got angry with me. In all honesty, he couldn’t afford to… what with his health and all. And my Mom… well… there’s no point in going there, now is there?

“So, I started thinkin’... what if I never really had anypony truly angry at me before? Like… for reasons that they should be ticked off at me? Have I really had anypony rein me in? Did I need that to be done? My dad passed away, and I was on my own when I was super young. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but I was kind of… well… ‘free’ at a young age. I got to do whatever I wanted and there was nopony fast enough, strong enough, or courageous enough to tell me that I was going in over my head when I… needed it… ow… eheheh…

“And then there was Applejack, older sister to a friggin’ infant, the glue that kept her family together, and there was dang-sure nothing in the whole world that stopped her from speaking her mind to me. Why did she talk me down when nopony else did? Was there just something stuck up her saddle? Was she some lone, vindictive pony who got her bucks out of chewing me a new one in public with everypony else listening in?

“She was a maniac! She had to be! How could one pony be right about me and every other pony be wrong? Maybe that was the real situation… or maybe it wasn’t. The thing is, Fluttershy, it weighed on me. I just couldn’t… stop freaking out about what this pony’s deal was! It was like some nemesis I couldn’t defeat! Even when I clearly could!

“You know what happens when a challenger eggs me on, Fluttershy. I go into full overdrive! I had to teach this pony who was boss, even if it meant kicking her teeth in! I tried little things here and there. I tried embarrassing her. I tried poking fun and using friendly insults. I even pulled pranks and scared other ponies right within sight of her, just to see what she would do. She’d never try and hoof-tackle me or nothin’, but she kept her pestering glare and her persistent… I dunno… persnicketiness. Ugh. I hate that word.

“Thing is, she wasn’t… like… ugly about it. That’s what made it hard to--y’know--hate her! For every moment when she chided me or made angry faces in my direction, there were three times as many occasions when she’d pat me on the back or call me ‘sugahcuuuuube’ or… uhhh… do her kind ‘big sister’ thing. Even still, I could only focus on all the times when she bumped elbows with me. It was like she was trying to prove a point. What was it?

“Whelp, I guess everything hit a boiling point when it came time for last year’s Running of the Leaves. I figured this was my last chance to show her once and for all who was boss. Still, who was I kidding? The Iron Pony Competition didn’t humble her any. So how was this race gonna make her leave me alone already? The more that I think about it, I really don’t think I wanted her to let up at that point. I was… uhm… k-kind of getting used to the intense rivalry thingy we had going, as if we were in some sort of intense duel that knew no end. I just wanted to… g-gain the lead for a while! Yeah… that’s it.

“That week turned out to be one of the most horrible times in my life. I totally made a fool of myself in front of Princess Celestia. I outright butted heads with Applejack. Heh… even punched her a few times. She had a few nasty right hooks to give me too, but I’m not proud about any of it. Heck, I even feel sick thinking about it now. The darn thing just went too far. Even if I had crossed the finishing line before Applejack, I-I’m not sure I would have felt all that snazzy about it.

“But Applejack? She just shrugged it off. Like… ‘lesson learned!’ ‘Thanks, Princess Celestia!’ ‘Hey partner, wanna go for another one?’ I was tripping all over myself to pretend that I was just as much game as she was. Truth is, I felt like throwing up, and you know how hard it is for a horse to throw up… don’tcha?

“Anways, I felt like utter crap for weeks. I didn’t want to look at Applejack. I didn’t even want to think about her. And yet I did. Just… how could a pony who cared so much about good sportsmanship and good manners recover like that? Especially when she screwed up almost as big as I did? It’s like she knew some secret that I didn’t. I know it sounds horrible, but I kind of wished there was some way to find out that she in fact felt as depressed if not more so than I did!

“So, finally, I built up the nerve, and I went to Sweet Apple Acres. I went to talk to Applejack at her place, to try and see if I could pull something out of her. I made up some excuse about Twilight asking me to help around the farm because she thought that ‘Big Macintosh was sick.’ Whatever the case, I got roped into apple bucking with AJ for an entire afternoon. Imagine my surprise when Applejack outright apologized to me for the crap that went down at the Running of the Leaves. She didn’t even need to take some sort of hint! And believe you me, I had plenty that I was willing to give her.

“I dunno how to explain it, Fluttershy. It’s like something clicked that day. Applejack said she was sorry for what she did during the Running of the Leaves because she truly felt sorry. Like… she felt it in her heart, and she shared that piece of her heart with me… as if I had pure access to her most tender and vulnerable self simply for the sake of being a living pony… for being a friend to her.

“I realized then that while I always believed in my heart that I was the ‘best,’ Applejack knew that she wasn’t, and she was always striving to improve herself. She still is today. What’s more, she isn’t trying to make just herself into a better pony, she’s trying to do the same for everyone… b-because she’s tried to do the same for me.

“All this time, Applejack wasn’t trying to challenge me, she was trying to support me. To help me. To teach me that… th-that I’m not nearly as awesome as I really think, that th-there’s something about me that can be improved, that can be perfected, that can be… like… kicked loose from my pedestal and harvested like all the apples she turns into golden delicious… st-stuff.

“After all, what’s the point in living when you’ve already won everything? Applejack has it all down pat. And it’s so simple. So… so awesome.

“From that moment on--what, has it been six months now? Anyways… I stopped competing against Applejack. I mean… sure, maybe it looks like I’m still trying to challenge her back… b-but honestly, Fluttershy? It’s just me trying to… to win her attention. As if maybe someway, somehow, that’ll get her to open up to me… and explain what it is that she found in me, beyond all the sass and all the coolness and all the--let’s face it--friggin’ bullcrap that I toss up in front of me, day after day. Maybe she can tell me what she saw, what she reached in and nuzzled, because whatever it is… I’m… I-I’m starting to feel it every single moment I see her.

“It started like a tiny flutter, but now it’s a full-on friggin’ tidal wave. I pretty much turn to butter whenever she trots into the room. When I see that coat of orange… when I spot the flouncing golden mane… when I spot so much as a single freckle--ohhhh Celestiaaaaa the freckles! (Squee!)...

“Ahem… well… uhm… yeah. I just… I just came. Came together. It all came together, I-I mean. Eheheh. Applejack’s kindness. Applejack’s dependability. Applejack’s strength and yet her subtle, girlish charm. Omigosh, it all sounds so lame when I try to spell it out, which is why I don’t try. I just close my eyes and I see her face--it could be smiling at me, blinking at me, frowning at me--I don’t care! So long as I’ve got that bit of her stuck in my head, it’s all gravy. I feel like I’ve got a compass in this world. Not some lame, boring ‘moral’ compass, really. But… well… even the best flier in the world has gotta look at the ground every now and then. And if Applejack is Tartarus-bent on running the show down here in Ponyville, that’s fine. All the better for me to gaze down at her in secret… eheheheheh…

“I’ve done that, y’know. Just hovered on a cloud and… looked down at her. I know it sounds creepy. I don’t care. I’m the only one who knows… erm… aaaaaaaaand you too now I guess. Eheheh. But I bet you know what I’m getting at. Applejack… is just… she really is… I mean… she’s…

“She’s the most damn beautiful mare in all of Equestria. Both inside and outside. I really mean it. And the fact is--she doesn’t know it, or even has to know it. Because I know that, in the long run, that really isn’t important to her. She strives for something that is bigger than all of us. And something that’s bigger than me? Well, pffft, that’s gotta be friggin’ mountainous.

“No, Applejack’s a masterpiece among many. It’s taken me nearly a year or two to figure that out about her. Now, whenever I see her, I think about how much I’ve improved in my life, and just how much of that I owe to her. And I don’t mean improving just who I am and what I do… but how I feel about myself. Because, whenever she’s around, I feel like I mean something… y’know? I feel like there’s something that I’ve won without even knowing about it. All I had to do was be born, and somehow that meant there was something in the universe I had already won. Heck, maybe it’s the universe itself. We’re all crazy, dizzy, squishy things trying to make sense of it all, and there’s Applejack, bucking apples, laughing with her family, kissing her little sister on her way to school. And she’s not only won the universe ten times over, but she doesn’t even care. It’s not important. How… how can anypony possibly be that cool?

“I thought I envied her for it. But then I realized it was something else, something I hadn’t felt before. Not with Listing Breeze. Not with Gilda. Not with… ungh… doIhavetobringupLasPegasusagain? Ahem. With you, sure, but it’s a different kind of love you and I share, Fluttershy. We both know that, and I wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world.

“But to share that love with Applejack, to let her know how much I think she’s awesome, to give her the chance for some part of this universe--no matter how goofy or silly or head-over-heels delirious over somepony else--to just… give her some of that awesomeness back, to exalt her, to worship her like the mare deserves to be worshipped…”

Rainbow Dash was floating towards the ceiling at this point, her forelimbs wringing together as her face hung in a deliriously rosy cloud.

“Hmmmm…” Those ruby eyes positively sparkled. “...well… that would totally make my day.” She gulped. “If not my life.”

Silence.

Blinking, Rainbow Dash gazed down at Fluttershy.

The afternoon had waxed cold, and the crimson bands of a dying sunset brought a glazed sheen to Fluttershy’s stupefied expression. “Wow, Rainbow Dash,” the mare cooed. “You are really, really, truly in love.”

Rainbow bit her lip and rubbed the back of her mane. “Eheheh… yeahhhhh…” She winced. “I kinda am, aren’t I?”

There was a vicious, pounding knock on the cottage’s front door.

Rainbow Dash’s skull torpedo’d into the ceiling. “Owww!” She hissed through her teeth. “Sonuva…”

“My goodness!” Fluttershy laid her knitting materials down and strolled off the couch. “Who could that be at this hour?”

“With my friggin’ luck, it’s probably A--” Rainbow Dash’s pupils shrank. She hid behind a ceiling beam, her wings trembling. “Oh jeez! Oh jeez! Don’t tell me it’s you kn-know who!”

“Huh?” Fluttershy parted the curtains of the front window and craned her neck. “No…” Fluttershy’s eyes widened and her dainty wings shot straight out. “Is isn’t…”

“Whew….” Rainbow Dash exhaled with relief.

Fluttershy grinned ecstatically. “It’s her brother, Big Macintosh!”

Rainbow Dash’s skull hit the ceiling again. Thud!

Hey Macky, You're So Fine

With a creak of the handle, Fluttershy opened the cottage door. She looked up with doey eyes, and a gentle flush spread through her cheeks. Her wings twitched once, twice, followed by a wave of sparks that rolled up her spine until erupting with a warm grin in her muzzle.

“G-good afternoon, Macky.” She gulped, then wrenched her eyes from his chiseled features. A basket lay on his back. “Oh! You… you must be here for the new collar I stitched for Winona.”

“Eeeyup,” the stallion said with a calm smile.

“Well, good! This is a g-good thing. You see…” She trotted across the cottage foyer, picked up the item in question with her wingtips, and carried it back to the front door. “I just put the finishing touches on it yesterday afternoon. See? It’s good… don’t you think? Everything’s just… g-good!”

“Heheh…” Big Macintosh nodded, clasped the collar in his teeth, and tossed it back into the basket. “Eeyup.”

“I… uhm… I took the liberty of repatching Winona’s tag on the front. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Enope.”

“The old one was getting hard to read,” Fluttershy said, avoiding his gaze as she dug at a small patch of floorboards with a pensive hoof. “I wanted to be sure that Winona’s name was legible. A pity it would be if Winona got terribly lost somehow and nopony would be able to tell who she was or where she belonged.”

“Eeyup…”

“Yes…” Fluttershy bit her lip. “Every precious th-thing deserves to be found.” She brushed a pink bang or two away. “Don’t you agree?” She glanced up.

Big Macintosh simply shrugged with a placid smile.

“I… uhm…” Fluttershy squirmed even more. “I was wondering… if… if it isn’t too b-bold for me to ask.” The dainty pegasus cleared her throat like a noisy tugboat coming into harbor. “If we… uhm… if we were st-still on for Thursday.”

The stallion looked at her funny, then with a breathy chuckle blurted, “Eeyup!”

Fluttershy had to restrain from gasping. Her wings flapped in tiny motions. “Oh! Oh, th-that’s wonderful! I mean…” She bit her lip. “So long as you still think it isn’t a waste of your time.”

Another chuckle. The stallion shook his head and uttered, “Eenope.” It could have been the glow of the sunset, but his cheeks looked redder than normal.

The space that hovered between the two ponies was positively electric.

“Well, then… great!” Fluttershy smiled. “I’ll make us sandwiches. Though… uhm… I don’t have a picnic blanket that’s large enough for… for… erm…”

Big Mac rolled his eyes and nodded knowingly.

“You don’t mind bringing one of your family’s?”

“Eenope.”

“Okay. Okay, that will work.” Fluttershy exhaled with relief, looking lighter than air a she murmured, “Well, th-then, I will be… seeing you on Thursday!”

“Eeyup.” Big Macintosh bowed slightly with his head, smirked, and trotted away on thudding hooves.

In his absence, Fluttershy grinned through her teeth (Squee!). She closed the cottage door with a tranquil sigh, revealing Rainbow Dash crouched, hidden behind the frame.

“Fluttershhhhhhhhhhhy…?” Rainbow hissed with narrow eyes.

“Eeep!” Fluttershy hugged herself and floated in place, shivering. “What? What?!”

Rainbow’s eyes darted from Fluttershy to the door and back. A slow, awkward grin rolled from one edge of her muzzle to the other. “What was that just now…?”

“Oh! Uhm. I had promised the Apple family that I would stitch Winona’s collar back together and--”

“Nooooooo.” Rainbow Dash hovered closer. “What was that between you and Big Macintosh?”

“Oh. That?” Fluttershy’s jaw clenched and unclenched. She ran a hoof through her ruffled pink bangs and murmured, “Oh, it’s simply… uhm… a casual acquaintance.”

“That’s the sort of bullcrap thing Rarity would say: ‘casual acquaintance.’ Come on, Fluttershy. What’s going on, really?” Rainbow Dash smirked with forelimbs folded. “Y’know you can’t hide nothing from me.”

“No,” Fluttershy breathed, though her muzzle was infected with an undying smile. “No, I suppose I cannot.” Fluttershy gazed at Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash blinked back.

Fluttershy blushed.

“For real?!” Rainbow Dash’s voice cracked. “You and Big Macintosh?”

“Uhm…” Fluttershy’s shoulders were hunched as her cheeks became even redder. “...yes?”

“I mean, nothing wrong with that, I-I guess! He seems like a really nice pony… for a stallion.” Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. “But seriously, Fluttershy! Have you even looked at him? He’d snap you in two!”

“Mmmmm… yes he would…” Fluttershy cooed. A beat. Her eyes crossed and she shook her muzzle. “No! Rainbow, what a cruel thing to say!”

Rainbow Dash hovered backward, hugging herself and giggling as she kicked at the open air.

“Rainbow!” Fluttershy stomped her hooves. “Ohhhhh…” She pouted delicately, her tousled mane flouncing. “Somehow I knew you would react this way! You certainly didn’t see me poking fun at your intense infatuation for our friend Applejack!”

“Yeah…” Rainbow giggle-snorted. “But at least Applejack can say more than two things!”

Fluttershy stroked her own mane with a pensive, far-off expression. “Mmmmmm--M-Macky can most certainly say more than two things.”

Rainbow hovered upright and gave her a curious squint. “‘Macky…?’”

“In fact…” Fluttershy’s smile became warm again. Her eyes sparkled as the reflected the rustic interior of the cottage around her. “He tells me lots of things. You just have to get to know him, and then you find out what a thoughtful, kind, sympathetic stallion he is.” She exhaled with a soft breath. “He loves his family so much, and he’s so kind to the farm’s livestock.” She swallowed deeply. “And he’s so gentle and has this… calm and tranquil approach to life. He doesn’t want to be famous or big or super popular. He just wants to take slow steps, work hard, and enjoy the quiet moments in his existence. I wish that I could be calm and collected just like him. And… and I like to think he’s going to show me.”

“Yeah, well, he’d better show you with just his words and his good looks.” Rainbow said with a slight hint of a snarl. “Because the moment one of those big, clumsy hooves get anywhere near your soft shoulders--”

“Rainbowwwwww…” Fluttershy flew up and nuzzled her friend’s cheek before hugging her. “I know how much you want to protect me, but don’t worry. Mack--erm… Big Macintosh wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“But… but…”

“You do know who he’s related to, don’t you?”

Rainbow Dash blinked. “Eheheh…” Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head. “Yeah. Okay. You make a good point.”

Fluttershy tilted her head up with resolve. “I know I do.”

Silence.

Rainbow gulped in mid-hover. “Yowsers. We both are stupidly hopeless, aren’t we?”

Fluttershy blinked. After a few seconds, she broke into snorting laughter.

Rainbow Dash joined her, and soon both pegasi were giggling awkwardly into the shadowy rafters of Fluttershy’s home.

Nothing to Worry About, Rainbow

“What should I do, Fluttershy? I mean, for real?”

Rainbow Dash hovered outside the front door to Fluttershy’s cottage. The advent of night hovered all around them like a dark blue blanket falling in slow motion.

“I mean…” Rainbow Dash hugged herself in midair. “I guess that’s super unfair to ask you. You’ve only known about it for a few hours. And even still…” She bit her lip. After a while, she sighed and fluffed her multicolored bangs. “No matter what I do, it’ll be me who makes the decision. So, if I were you, I wouldn’t feel bad no matter what advice you have to give.”

Fluttershy sighed. “I don’t know what advice to give, Rainbow Dash. I mean, a part of me thinks that you’re simply making a bigger deal out of this than it has to be--”

“Am I, though?” Rainbow Dash’s voice took on a weak, mewling tone. She gazed down at Fluttershy with a vulnerable expression. “She’s our friend. The last thing I wanna do is risk throwing what we have into freakish chaos. I mean, it’s not just the fact that we’re all close buds… but think of the Elements of Harmony, Fluttershy! Yeesh… if I did something to royally screw the balance we’ve all got, what’ll happen the next time Equestria needs us to kick flank?”

Fluttershy giggled. “Okay, Rainbow Dash, now I know you’re really… really thinking too hard about it.”

“But I’m right, though. Aren’t I?” Rainbow Dash bit her lip. “I wanna be loyal to everypony. But if I choose one pony from the bunch to… to…” She rubbed her hooves pensively together. “...to be more loyal to…”

“I don’t think you’re any more loyal to Applejack than you are to the rest of us, Rainbow.”

The pegasus blinked. “But earlier I told you that--”

“I think you can be loyal to all of us differently.” Fluttershy smiled. “While still being so equally.”

Rainbow squinted. “I’m not sure the universe works that way, Fluttershy.”

The dainty mare giggled lightly. “If the two of you are meant for each other, Rainbow, then I think the universe will work out just as it needs to.”

“Made for each… other…?” Rainbow Dash winced. “Do you even hear yourself Fluttershy? Do you honestly, truly believe that?”

Fluttershy was silent.

“Heck, should I even believe that? I’ve flown myself into a nasty little hole here…”

The air was quiet, save for an errant gust of evening wind.

“Rainbow Dash, I love you like a sister. I always have and I always will. I believe that you are destined to experience great things, and this includes finding the mare of your dreams.”

Rainbow sighed. “You make it sound like it’s some mare I’ve never dreamt of yet…”

Fluttershy continued. “But, as far as Applejack is concerned, we both know that she respects honesty above all else.” She trotted forward and gazed closer at her friend’s levitating expression. “Some way or another, for all of this to end--either good or bad--you are going to have to tell her about it.”

“Orrrrrrrrrrr…” Rainbow Dash smiled awkwardly. “I could not tell her about it! Maybe… y’know… I dunno…” She wheezed. “It’ll just… peter down and get rid of itself! Then I’ll not have to fret about my stupid, fluffy thoughts anymore!”

Fluttershy’s eyebrows were straight as a razor.

Rainbow gulped. “You’re right,” she droned. “I’m never gonna grow out of this stupid crush on my own, aren’t I?”

“Oh Rainbow, I never once called it ‘stupid.’”

“But it is,” Rainbow muttered, her head hanging. “Cuz all it’s gonna do is crash and burn. You and I both know Applejack.” She gulped and looked up with sad eyes. “We both know what her answer would be the very moment I open myself up to her.”

Fluttershy opened her mouth, but lingered. She gazed depressingly at the darkening horizon before ultimately saying, “What I believe, Rainbow…” A pause. “What I know is that no matter what happens, good or bad, Applejack will never hate you. In fact, she will love you… and she will keep on loving you as long as you both live on this earth.”

“Yeah…” Rainbow nodded with a bittersweet breath. “Just as you will forever love me.”

Fluttershy’s face winced. She opened her mouth to blurt a squeaky reply, but felt Rainbow leaning down to nuzzle her.

“Hey… it’s okay…” Rainbow’s eyes were briefly glossy. “And I’ll never be more grateful.” With a blink, her devilish smirk returned. “And I swear I’m still gonna kick Big Macintosh’s big freckled flank if he does any of the things to you that I used to daydream about when we were in high school.”

“Oh, well that’s very nice of you to--” Fluttershy’s eyes bulged as a deep red blush ran through her cheeks. “Rainbow…!”

“Snkkkt--Heeheehee…” Rainbow Dash flew backwards, waving. “Thank you for the killer afternoon, Flutters. I swear… you’re the best…”

Fluttershy sighed, then smiled her flushed cheeks back to their normal color. “Everything will work out some way or another, Rainbow Dash.” She waved at her. “Don’t you worry?”

Rainbow winked, spun about, and darted towards the starry heavens.

“Pffft… Who’s frickin’ worried?” Despite the riveting tone in her voice, she gulped nervously. “Cuz I’m totally n-not…”

Six Words

The stars had fallen by the time Rainbow Dash returned to her misty home in the skies above northeast Ponyville. She saw the hazy speck from a grand height, recognizing it like the back of her hoof. With her wings spread majestically about, she glided in a descending circle, floating towards the front stoop that hovered high over a babbling river.

She landed… and instantly collapsed. “Ooof!” Her forelegs gave way and she tumbled head-over-shoulders into the front door, coming to an upside down stop like a flattened mosquito. “Nnnnngh… muh… goshdarnit!” Her legs shook, quivered, and shook again. Finally, with a frustrated growl, she flung her wings at full length, upending herself so that she parked on her belly in front of the main door. She lay there for a few seconds, groaning inwardly, praising her lucky stars that nopony could see her levitating stoop past sundown.

At last, she got up--by flapping her wings. Her legs dangled for a few seconds. Then, with a sigh, she reached forward and opened the front door.

Hovering through the lone corridors of her house, Rainbow lit a lantern or two, casting splotches of amber light on the grayish blue skystone that made up the architecture of the floating domain. Once enough lights were lit, she returned to the front door and checked the mat just below the mail slot.

Three envelopes had been deposited during her day-long absence. She hovered low enough to scoop them up in her forelimbs, then shuffled through each missive, squinting at the labels. There was a bill, another bill, and then an envelope from Ponyville Central Hospital. It was the last thing that made her wince the most. Nervously, she tore the edge of the thing open with her teeth, pulled the letter out, and gave it a quick scan with her ruby eyes.

A minute passed.

Rainbow groaned quietly. Rolling her eyes, she floated into the kitchen and slapped the stack of letters limply on the corner of the table.

The pegasus sat alone in her kitchen, seated at a sparsely decorated wooden table as she dug a fork through a wooden bowl filled with fruit-and-vegetable salad. She took large, scarfing bites, not bothering with manners.

As the meal ran its course, she scraped the fork along the bottom of the bowl to scoop up the last of her leafy green morsels. As a result, the utensil gave off a clattering echo that bounced off the spacious walls of the place.

She paused at one point, sitting still on her stool. Her ears flicked, catching nothing but dry silence, like the hushed whispers of clouds settling long after a storm. She glanced around the room, eyeing the shadows just beyond the dim lamplight’s reach. Evening enshrouded the floating house with the quiet grace of a sepulcher.

Even her lonesome heartbeats resonated like cannons.

With a sigh, Rainbow Dash shrugged her shoulders, threw off the chilling silence, and returned to her meal with meager enthusiasm.

The rush of the running shower knifed through the silent house like a monsoon. Nevertheless, Rainbow Dash relaxed beneath it, lying like a cadaver beneath the steaming hot rush of water. She curled her forelimbs at her chest and allowed every droplet to saturate her fuzzy blue body and spectral mane. Rivers of deliciously warm liquid cascaded around her back, legs, flank, and tail. If she closed her eyes, it would feel like floating down a river of molten lava.

So, she closed her eyes and instantly delighted in the notion. Her nostrils flared, delighting in the rush of warm air pumping in and out of her lungs. It was the first thing in over two hours that brought a smile to the pony’s muzzle. She sighed with brief contentment.

With wet, swishing wings, Rainbow Dash hovered in a circular motion across her washroom. The whole time, she flailed with two hooves to run a towel through her mane, drying the multi-colored threads to a moderately decent state.

She paused in the middle of this exercise, wincing. Lowering the towel from her damp skull, she stared at her forelimb, flexing the leg at the elbow repeatedly. She tongued the inside of her mouth, fighting back an exasperated expression.

Rainbow was about to drift her way towards the next room when she paused at the mirror. She glanced at her reflection, and a dull pair of eyes looked back. She tilted her head left and right, keeping intensely silent. At last, she brought a hoof up and slicked her mane back. Keeping the forelimb there, she tilted her head at a specific angle until her ruby eyes twinkled in the dim light.

She froze like that for a long while… until the wind was let out of her lungs with a sigh.

Tossing the towel to the floor like a limp rag, she hovered limply towards the other end of the house.

Rainbow Dash sat on the balcony to her home’s upstairs loft, staring down at the western Ponyville countryside. She took quiet breaths, her ears twitching to the distant sounds of crickets and owl hoots. A misty spread of clouds danced between her home and the horizon, giving the face of Equestria an ethereal shine beneath the combined glow of the moon and stars.

Everything shimmered silver, like a photographic flash that refused to dim. The lights of houses and shops died out one by one, casting the roads and hillsides below into tranquil darkness. Rainbow could see the shape of every rooftop and steeple that she knew by heart, and her eyes danced between them as if she was guiding the daredevilish flight of a pegasus silhouette between their sleepy shells.

A cold wind blew against Rainbow’s house, chilling her freshly-rinsed skin, still moist with shower water. She invited the sharp sensation, every cell of her body shivering with life. In the midst of the resulting spasm, her eyes drifted to the furthest point west, towards a lone cluster of lights hidden in the depths of countless apple orchids.

She did not move a single inch until those lights went out too.

Rainbow exhaled heavily. She leaned her muzzle limply over crossed forelimbs, gazing with long, longing eyes. Every thought that ran through her head now was a warm one, but none of them helped chase the shivers away.

At last, another gust of cold night air blew Rainbow’s bangs over her eyes. Grumbling, she swept the strands away and stared down at the grayness of the world, suddenly as drab as cemetery stones.

“Mmmph…” She got up on wobbly legs and turned her tail to the universe. “Nineteen percent…”

And she crawled into her bedroom window like a slithering snake.

Rainbow’s hoof drifted hesitantly towards the edge of her dresser. She opened the round container and stared lethargically within.

Two pills hid at the bottom of the cylinder as they had that morning.

She tilted the container towards an open hoof--but paused about halfway. Clenching her jaw shut, she muttered something under her breath and slapped the cap back on. Planting the container back onto the edge of the dresser with finality, she hovered high and blew out the last of her house’s lanterns.

Floating through the shadows, she slid under the covers of her bed, set her alarm, and fluffed her pillow. Then, squirming herself into the deepest patch her mattress could afford, Rainbow Dash curled her body beneath a bunch of blankets, waiting with tiny shivers until her petite body warmed up the comforter enshrouding her like a soft cocoon.

Only then did she close her eyes and invite the dark touch of slumber. As she did so, her lungs quivered, and a last breath vibrated out her throat, carrying with it six words that were murmured, heartfelt, to the emptiness. Once those words were finally spoken, Rainbow Dash finally surrendered, and her muzzle went limp with the faint traces of a smile.

==Part Two: Remaining Appletimistic==

==Part Two: Remaining Appletimistic==

“Heheheheh!” Rainbow Dash hugged her tummy as she floated down the street. She hovered at second-story level above Applejack as the two exited the restaurant of Canterlot’s Upper Diamond District. “I can’t believe it! And yet Filthy Rich still did business with you guys after that?”

“Oh please, Rainbow.” Applejack rolled her green eyes with a chuckle. “I was just a lil’ filly then! And Mr. Rich is certainly a forgivin’ stallion! It’s not like he was gonna take a little ol’ thang like that personally!”

“But you looked up at him with your little tiny filly freckles and said ‘Wow, your mane looks like a throw rug!’” Rainbow Dash hugged herself harder, snickering until tears squeezed out her eyes. “Hooooocrap! Ah ha ha ha!”

Applejack sighed. “For real, sugarcube, yer makin’ a scene.” She glanced left and right at the indignant pony glares that they were receiving. “Lightin’ up on the yucks, won’tcha?”

“Wow, AJ… I knew you were honest! I had no idea you were friggin’ brutal!” Rainbow Dash hovered a little lower so that her wavering chuckles could be heard by just the two of them. “Whewwwww. You didn’t hold back bucks in that day and age, did you?”

“Fraid not. Granny had to teach me some pretty smart lessons after my folks passed away so that I could learn to speak proper with ponyfolk.”

“Smart lessons, huh?” Rainbow squinted. “Like, she homeschooled you?”

“No. Meanin’ she tanned my backside until I learned to trot right!”

“Ha!” Rainbow Dash smirked as she fluttered ahead. “I knew they got shapely for a reason!”

Applejack was too busy chuckling to hear. “What was that?”

“Erhm…” Rainbow Dash clear her throat. “Nothing! But still…” She smirked devilishly over her shoulder. “I would have liked to know that AJ.”

“Really, now…?”

“Yeah. The AJ who was too driven to spare any hurt feelings.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well, it’s not like you tell the truth all the time.”

“You sassin’ my good name, Rainbow?” Applejack’s brow furrowed. “If I wanted some of that, I would have hung out with the other girls!”

“I’m just saying…”

“Fine. Gimme one single instance where I said somethin’ to make my muzzle grow long!”

“Uhhhh…” Rainbow Dash glanced out the edge of her vision. “How about that one time you told Rarity that her mane was gorgeous--like--right after the Great and Powerful Trixie zapped it and made it all green and yucky?”

“Oh… uhm…” Applejack’s freckles swam in a blushed sea.

“Or how about that one time you made Apple Bloom and her friends think that their talent act was actually pretty snazzy and not a total meltdown?!”

“Erm…”

“Oh! And just two weeks ago! On Pinkie Pie’s birthday! You lied about the whole lot of us hiding out in your barn--”

“Hey! T’ain’t fair!” Applejack stomped her hoof on a loose piece of cobblestone, making nearby pigeons flock towards the upper rooftops. “That was to help put together a surprise party for our friend!”

“Still!” Rainbow’s voice cracked as she chuckled some more. “It’s not exactly what I would call a perrrrrrrrrfect recorrrrrrrrd.”

“Now yer just stretchin’ the issue.”

“It’s okay, Applejack!” Rainbow Dash smiled with her eyes happily shut. “I still love ya--uhhh-uhhhh…” She blinked wided, sweating. “We all love ya! The gals all love ya regardless, y’know!” She brushed her mane back, fidgeting. “Eheheheheh…”

“Standin’ for honesty and bein’ a perfect example for it aren’t exactly the same darn thang, Rainbow.”

“You don’t say?”

“It’s all about strivin’ to be an example to others.” Applejack gestured up at the pegasus. “Take you for example. Yer loyal as all get-out, but there’s still times when you sneak out of a get-together to see a Wonderbolts Show! And don’tcha deny it!”

“Pfft! As if I would!” Rainbow Dash smirked. “Thing is, I know that I’ll always be there for my friends when push comes to shove, so why sweat it?”

“Exactly…”

“But I like to think I’ve got the lying thing all beat.”

“Oh really?” Applejack smirked.

“Yup! In fact, I bet I lie less than even you do!”

“Ohhhhhh is that a challenge?” Applejack grinned.

“Hah! Sure. Whatever.” Rainbow Dash spun a loopty-loop in the air. “Just try me, girl!”

“Well, okay then.” Applejack leaned forward by the weight of her smirk. “Just why is it yer always floatin’ around yer friends when you could just as well be walkin’ on yer own four hooves?”

Rainbow Dash’s face paled. Her lips pursed, and she spun in a cold sweat to face Applejack.

Applejack wasn’t there. She had vanished, freckles and hat and all. Instead, darkness spread through the street like a wintery fog. It settled in on Rainbow from all sides, clouding her, suffocating her…

...until at last she shot out of bed, gasping. She hugged the sheets to herself with chattering teeth, then glanced around her bedroom… only to discover that she was hovering eight feet above her mattress, dangling blankets and all.

A minute passed.

Rainbow sighed. She hovered back down and sat on the edge of her bed. Her legs dangled over the side. She tried to inch herself forward, but her legs dangled even more.

A frown crossed her muzzle. With a muttering breath, she flapped her wings again and floated over towards the far side of the room. Picking the container off her dresser, she looked inside and rattled the thing until a pill ran loose. Tonguing the inside of her mouth in thought, she ultimately sighed and fluttered over towards where a miniature thundercloud was parked.

“It’s gonna be one of those days, I swear to Celestia.”

She bucked the wall, opened her mouth, and drowned the pill in cold water down her throat.

Part Two: Remaining Appletimistic
(Where Rainbow Dash Life Sucks and yet it Doesn’t)

So Much for a Castle in the Sky

Rainbow Dash trotted out her front door with her work saddlebag around her sides. She leaned her neck from side to side, cracking the joints beneath her skull as she basked in the rays of the rising sun. Then she spread her wings, expanded her feathers, and tilted forward to glide towards her morning tasks--

A rhythmic hammering noise struck her fuzzy ears.

Rainbow froze, her blue body comically stuck in a forty-five degree slant towards the distant ground below. She glanced aside to see a huge frickin’ red balloon levitating right next to her house. An earth pony in a suit sat in the dangling basket, and he was busily hammering a ’For Lease’ sign into the pedestal of sky stone that made up the floating home’s foundation.

“Ohhhhhh come onnnnn!” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. In a swift blur, she darted over to the basket. “Stop stop stop stop stop stop!” She gripped the ”For Lease” sign and tried pulling it away from the equine. “Nnnngh--Quit it!”

“Hmmph!” The stallion shoved her back, spat the hammer into his basket, and straightened his mane before speaking, “Miss Dash, do not act surprised. You have been sent several missives over the past six weeks in a row. The agency has warned you time and time again that the deadline was approaching.”

“Don’t talk to me about deadlines!” Rainbow Dash snarled. “Deadlines is my middle name!” She tilted her head back. “Rainbow Danger Deadline Professionalism Dash!”

“That’s your problem right there,” he pointed with a jabbing hoof. “You do not treat any of your agreements seriously. You pledged at the last meeting that you would meet your payment schedule regularly. This has not, as a matter of fact, transpired.”

“Mister Green Saddle, come onnnn!” Rainbow smiled nervously. “I’ll have the money in by this Thursday! I promise!”

“I highly doubt that,” he said, turning up his nose while crossing his forelimbs. “Considering that the compounded interest from the last three months alone will have inflated the figure beyond your usual standard--”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m some sort of sky bum!” Rainbow Dash’s voice cracked. “Those days are over! I… I-I’ve got a job, see?!” She pointed at her saddlebag. “Lead weather flier of Ponyville!”

“I’m well aware of your talents, Miss Dash--”

“I kick clouds into submission at least three days out of the week!” She smiled, eye twitching. “Sometimes four!”

“And a part-time job simply doesn’t cut it if you wish to live in a standard pegasus hold!” Green Saddle frowned. “We’ve covered this extensively during our prior engagements.”

“Oh please, throw me a bone here!” Rainbow Dash held to forelimbs together. “Can’t you see that I’m friggin’ earnest about this?”

“I see that you are desperate, frenzied, and pulling at the strings, none of which qualify as ‘charming,’ and even that would be a fleeting tactic at best.” Green Saddle brushed himself off and yanked a chain above him. The balloon ascended above her and the house as he spoke, “I am quite done with making a fool of myself to entertain your financial failings. You’re no longer a foal, Miss Dash, I suggest that you come up with a way to pay your due like a real adult or we’re simply going to have to dissolve that cloud and reform it for the next tenants.” His voice raised as he floated beyond view. “You have one week!”

“Pfft! As if I live by your rules!” Rainbow Dash growled, cupping two hooves around her mouth. “How’d you like it if someone forklifted your bit bag away and threatened you to get your legs sweaty for a change?!” A beat. “Jerkspit!”

Silence. The balloon floated, floated away.

“Grrrrrr…” Rainbow Dash hissed, shaking in place. “Stupid society with its… s-social stuff!” She spun, glaring the “For Lease” sign’s way. “What are you looking at?” She punched it… punched it again… then grabbed onto it with all four legs, chewing onto the wooden end like a rabid wolverine. “Grrrr-grrrrrrr!” Suddenly, her eyes crossed, and she flew off with a yelping sound. “Ow! Ow ow ow… thplinterth on the tongue! Tho not awethome!” She brushed and brushed at her tongue before spitting a loose sliver of wood away, then slumped in mid-air with a sigh.

The sign wobbled to a stop, then stood still under the morning sunrise.

Rainbow Dash blinked blearily. She turned around and gazed at Ponyville. A minute passed. She reached into her saddlebag and pulled out the medicine container. A single, lone pill rattled inside. She gave it a good shake to make sure it was still real, then hung the pathetic thing to her chest with a sigh.

After a while, she pocketed the thing back and flew limply towards Ponyville, drifting until she was at even level with the rooftop to Ponyville Central Hospital.

Win Some, Lose Some

Inside the waiting room of Ponyville Central Hospital, Rainbow Dash sat in a chair, her lower legs dangling while her upper limbs tapped impatiently against the hoof-rests. She winced with folded ears when yet another salvo of coughs went off no less than three seats down from her. The place was a quiet den of misery, with various residents from all across the county having shown up to be examined for one ailment or another. They writhed and grimaced in little pestilent clusters, creating a chorus of cleared throats and wheezing noises in between sterilized cinderblock walls. A lone aquarium full of lazily drifting fish did little to soften the daily tension of the place.

Rainbow’s ruby eyes bounced between two things: the clock and the front desk. Nurse ponies in white uniforms milled about the reception, answering pages and scribbling pens across folders full of medical notes. Every now and then, a mare in uniform would trot out and read out loud somepony’s name from her folder. Everyone would tense up in their seats, then slowly deflate as the one lucky patient limped into the corridor beyond to meet up with the appointed doctor.

Rainbow sighed. She pulled out her container and rolled it around in the crook of her hoof. The lone pill inside rattled in a rhythmic fashion, matching her twitching eyes.

In the peripheral of her vision, Rainbow made out a little colt squirming five seats away from her, next to his shivering mother.

Grumbling, Rainbow glanced up at the clock. What the little hand told her was of very little comfort. She glanced back down, noticing the colt three seats away. She glanced at him. He pretended to be looking straight forward.

Wary, Rainbow tilted her head back up to the clock again. Seconds ticked by. Half a minute. Something moved beside her. She looked to her left.

The colt was two seats away, facing forward.

Rainbow’s fuzzy nose wriggled. She looked to the reception desk--she jerked back to the left.

The colt was seated next to her, staring unabashedly at her head. “Hi,” he said, blinking.

“Uhhh…” Rainbow Dash blinked back. “H-Heya, kid…”

He looked at her. He smiled. “You’ve got a colorful head.”

Her brow furrowed. She brought a hoof up and brushed the bangs aside. “Jee… thanks…” She smiled genuinely, though it was a fractured thing. “...I think.”

The colt giggled, then squinted. “Is it contagious?”

Rainbow’s eyebrow raised.

From a distance, a door squeaked open. ”Ahem! Ms. Rainbow Dash?”

She slumped forward and fell out of her seat. “Whoah--!” Thud!

Nurse Redheart sighed heavily. She looked up from the clipboard and gazed at Rainbow with mixed worry and aggravation. “With each of these visits, it all boils down to the same thing, Rainbow Dash.”

“But this time it’s different, doc!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, sitting on the edge of the examination room’s bed with her saddlebag lying on a nearby chair. “I’m learning to stretch it out! The medicine’s working!”

“No it’s not!” Nurse Redheart held up a graph showing a red arrow shooting progressively downward with each passing month. “At least, not as well as it used to be.”

“But--”

“Your body is acclimating to the chemicals, Ms. Dash,” Redheart said as she trotted around the bed, flipping the sheets to show even more drastic data. “Giving you more frequent dosages isn’t going to solve anything. More than likely, it will only accelerate your resistance--”

“But I’m not asking for you to make it more frequent! Don’t you get it?” Rainbow Dash flapped her wings, floated over to her saddlebag, and pulled out the container. “See? Look it!” She grinned a crescent moon while rattling the lone pill around. “It’s been a month! One month and only now am I coming back to see you! Ehhh?” She pointed at the container for emphasis. “Ehhhh? I still got one of them suckers left!”

Nurse Redheart looked at Rainbow, at her container, then back at her face again. “Rainbow…” She spoke in a low tone, her face sad, yet compassionate. She reached a hoof out and slowly lowered the pegasus’ forelimb gripping the container. “Finding a steady rate at which you could ingest the medicine and not gain extraordinary tolerance for it might have worked months ago, but we both know that it’s impossible now.” She gulped and added breathily, “Not after what happened in late October--”

Rainbow Dash instantly winced and spun about, hovering about as if she was pacing in midair.

Redheart spoke louder, “Not after you took that extra large dosage! An entire month’s prescription in a week?! Ms. Dash, what were you thinking?!”

“So maybe I wasn’t thinking…”

“Clearly you weren’t!” Redheart frowned. “You’re lucky to be even able to move your muzzle, much less your legs--”

“Look, I needed to be at the top of my performance for that week, okay?!” Rainbow Dash snarled. She instantly winced and waved two forelimbs. “I’m sorry, Doc. I know you’re only trying to help me, but… b-but I’ve got a reputation to live up to!”

“That may be important to you, but while you are under my care the most important thing I’m concerned for is your health. Everything else takes a backseat!”

“Oh please, Doc--”

“And I’d rather ponies cast judgment about the ‘legacy of Rainbow Dash’ once we’ve assured they’ve got a healthy, living, breathing Rainbow Dash to write songs about!”

“My body’s tough! Just like its spirit! Just… just give me more of the pills. Okay, Doc?” She smiled. “I’m being patient with it! I’m… I’m not gonna take too much of them again! I’m past that, Doc! I’ve changed! Recently, I’ve… I’ve…” Rainbow Dash rubbed her temple, wincing slightly.

“Hmmm?” Redheart craned her head to the side. “What is it?”

“I’ve… I’ve got a lot of things on my mind…” Rainbow Dash shuddered, but gave the nurse a heroic smirk. “I’m improving in a lot of ways.”

Redheart merely squinted.

“Really!” Rainbow gulped dryly and gave a firm nod. “I am!”

With a sigh, Redheart trotted forward and stared up at her. “Ms. Dash, please, stop flying.”

The pegasus blinked.

“Please. Humor me.” The nurse pointed at the checkerboard tile floor. “Stand here.”

Rainbow bit her lip. Nevertheless, she cleared her throat, tossed her mane back, and levitated down with briskly flapping wings. Wincing slightly, she planted one hoof down, then two more, and finally all four. Her legs wobbled once, twice, then stood straight as tent poles. She looked up at the nurse, smirking.

“Heh… Heheh!” Rainbow leaned back. “And here you thought I was as lame as a waterlogged cactus--HOCRAP!” She fell back like a hippopotamus slipping on ice. The sound her flank made impacting with the floor was positively thunderous. “Ow ow ow ow ow…”

She was still wincing by the time Redheart squatted down to her level. She tilted the pony’s face up by her fuzzy blue chin and murmured, “The pills cannot cure what is inherently genetic, Ms Dash, but there is a way to stop the inevitable. Time has brought with it new innovations. There’s no reason to fear… well…” She put on a gentle smile. “...what happened to your father.”

Rainbow Dash shivered upon hearing that. She avoided Redheart’s gaze.

The nurse continued. “We… we’ve spoke about this before, Ms. Dash.”

Rainbow finally looked at her. Ruby eyes sparkled with fear and apprehension.

“The procedure is costly, but at your rate of income, you could easily afford it in less than--”

“No!” Rainbow Dash growled. With a single flap of her wings, she shot up to the ceiling, looming above the mare. “For the hundredth time, I ain’t doin’ something that stupid!”

“It’s a proven technique, Ms. Dash,” Redheart said, standing up calmly. “Nothing stupid about it. The procedure can assure you a life free from both medicine and infirmity--”

“At the cost of awesomeness, you mean!” Rainbow’s wings flapped harder, and she inadvertently smacked into the ceiling. “Ow!” She rubbed her head. “Grrrr--Just give me the medicine and let’s be done with this checkup!”

“As your physician and--I would like to think a trusted friend--I simply cannot allow you to punish yourself by stretching your body so thin!” Redheart held a hoof up, pleading. “We’re talking about a way to improve your livelihood for the rest of your days! You’re young yet! If we treat you sooner, then you’ll have a full life left to live!”

“Living is one thing.” Rainbow Dash hovered until she was eye to eye with the mare. “Winning is another thing. I can do this, doc! Just… let me do it around this new regiment of mine! I’ll be okay!”

Redheart sighed out her nostrils, her face pale with exasperation and ennui. “Can you at least explain one thing to me?” She gulped and said, “What is so significant about this that you must keep it a secret?”

Rainbow Dash bit her lip and turned towards the side, gazing past her saddlebag parked on the chair. “Who… wh-who said I was hiding it?”

“Do your friends know?”

Rainbow was silent.

“What is it that… th-that you fear so much about losing, Ms. Dash? What… is so precious to you to put yourself through this?”

The mare quietly closed her ruby eyes, hugging herself.

Lickety Splitter

Rainbow Dash drifted forward, her eyes shut as she basked in the warm winds of the spring afternoon. Her ears whistled as she pivoted to her left and then to her right. Finally opening her eyes, she flung a glance to her side.

Her left wing feathers stretched majestically in the wind as the horizon beyond it spun in gentle, swirling circles.

She glanced to her other side.

The earth spiraled beneath her, a hundred feet away and yet so close.

Rainbow Dash finished her corkscrew, effortlessly pulling into a backflipping spiral. She dove towards the valley below and glided over the placid surface of a tiny lake. Gazing down at her reflection, she saw a sad pegasus staring straight back. With a single flap of her wings, the surface rippled, and all she could see were distorted colors against a blue canvas.

”On your mark, get set, go!”

Rainbow’s right ear twitched. She looked to her side.

Along the shore of the lake, four teenage stallions were galloping as swiftly as they could. Their thundering hooves caused the ground to shake along the edge of the pond. Cattails and sawgrass quivered like seismograph needles as the ponies shook up the earth in their miniature stampede.

“I’m gonna beat the whole lot of ya!”

“Oh no you’re not!”

Rainbow Dash blinked. She stared down at her dangling hooves, giving one forelimb a nervous rub. A sigh escaped her lips, a sigh that dragged with it a frown across her face. Almost snarling, she beat her wings harder and rocketed towards the edge of the lake.

Huffing and puffing, the four stallions rocketed towards a pair of trees acting as a finishing line.

“Almost… there… ya… bloated… windbags!”

“In your dreams…” The lead of the pack grunted through a smiling muzzle. “I’m… the fastest… thing… on land--”

Just then, a blue body streaked overhead, exploding a patch of air above everypony’s skulls.

“Whoah--!” The lead stallion fell on his front legs and rolled forward.

“Gaaah!” the next nearest colt tripped over his tail.

“Ooof!” “D’oh!” The last two collapsed into the testosteronical pile, forcing all four of them to slide across the soft grass and cross the finishing line… beneath the shadow of a flapping figure.

“Heh…” Rainbow Dash smirked, her hooves on her hips. “‘Fastest thing on land’ doesn’t exactly have a snazzy ring to it, kiddo.”

The lead stallion gasped, crawling out of the pony-pile with starry eyes. “Rainbow… Dash…?”

The pegasus winked with a devilish grin. “Try going for ‘Raddest Earth Pony!’ It suits ya!”

“Raddest?” The teenage pony gulped. “R-really?”

“But you got a lonnnnng way to go before you’re ‘fastest’ at anything!” Rainbow streaked a figure-eight within five square meters of airspace for emphasis. The move was finished in a blink. “That title belongs to Equestria’s most awesome pegasus.” Her wings flapped with added force as she twirled around and bulleted for the trees. “So long as I have the skies!” Her rapid flight literally spread the top boughs of the trees apart, so that they snapped back in place, tossing a confetti parade of bright green leaves everywhere.

“Whoahhhh!” The other colts finally stood up, jumping in place and clapping their hooves against the ground. “Yeahhhh!”

“That was awesome!”

“Do it again! Do it again!”

“Heh…” Rainbow Dash was already doing barrel-flips in the air. “That one was for free! Next time, you gotta be twice as lucky to witness true badflankery!” Then, with a simple twitch of her wings, she spiraled away, causing the sky to whistle from her agile feathers slicing the atmosphere.

“Woooo!”

“You’re awesome, Rainbow Dash!”

The lead stallion leaned back, a hoof held over his still-beating heart. “She… sh-she thinks I’m ‘the raddest earth pony!’” His companions merely chuckled and ruffled his mane.

In the meantime, Rainbow Dash was flying ahead, darting in and around cottage rooftops with wild abandon. She twirled around clotheslines, spun around banners, and flipped over chimneys.

Below, Ponvyilleans paused to stare and gasp at her display. Several of them waved and murmured with wonderment.

On a two-story balcony, two young fillies galloped out on excited hooves in time to see Rainbow Dash blurring by. They leaned against the railing and wildly waved their hooves.

“Rainbow Dasssssh!”

“Yaaaaay!”

“So cool!” And the two little ponies broke into excited giggles.

Rainbow Dash caught this, along with a few other outbursts of cheer and salutations. She smirked herself, a gentle breath wafting in and through her ears. “Awwww yeah.” It was a quiet cheer, but a cheer nevertheless. She let it carry her over the golden rooftops of Ponyville and into the shiny clouds above.

(Not) Taking It Slow

“Nnnngh!” Rainbow Dash burst through a cloud, swinging her hooves like a quartet of murderous pendulums. She spun about and thrashed another bed of mist, dissolving it to trailing ribbons. Holding her breath, she backflipped through the sunny-air and plummeted down through four clouds in a row. As they dissipated above her, she flapped her wings, propelled herself straight back up, and gathered the mists with her twirling feathers. At last, she braked in the air, launching the collected bits of cloud high up into the atmosphere. They dissolved from the sheer speed with which they were propelled towards the wild blue yonder.

From two cloudbanks away, a shrill whistle could be heard. “Celestia almighty, Rainbow!” Candy Mane smiled from where she was leisurely bucking a column of vapors to bits. “You’re chomping at the bit to get work done today!”

“Yeah, Rainbow!” Thunderlane grunted, kicking another cloudbed into submission before wiping his sweaty brow. “What’s with the extra spring in your flap?”

“So what if I’m on a roll today?!” Rainbow Dash grunted as she rolled past the two, arcing her wings and turning her entire body into a blue drill bit. With spiraling motions, she shredded a stream of clouds into nothing, further casting sunlight over the rooftops of Ponyville below. “Got lots of weather to clear!”

“We know that, but…”

Thunderlane craned his neck to follow Rainbow’s wild motions. “Why so gung ho about it? I mean… it’s just weather flying!”

“What do you mean ‘just weather flying?’” Rainbow panted, hovering equally at their level--but only for a millisecond. She darted off like a torpedo and knocked another cloud to smoky ribbons. “Nnngh! Ponyville depends on us to get the weather in shape just as the Climate Commission wants it! Today’s forecast is clear and sunny!” She waved with her forelimb. “Come on! Let’s get to the northern sky already!”

As she throttled towards the horizon, Candy Mane and Thunderlane drifted after her. They exchanged nervous glances, blanketed with amused smiles.

“But… what’s the hurry?” Candy Mane shrugged in mid-flight. “We can clear the sky here in twenty seconds flat!” She winced. “Erm… not to steal a certain awesome pony’s monicker…”

“That just means you’re learning!” Rainbow’s voice shouted from a distance. It was still hard to hear from the sheer rumblings her accelerated flight made over the distant cloudtops, now growing thinner and thinner as she did an entire afternoon’s work in mere moments. “Why not do a job when you can do it fast!”

“Uhhh…” Thunderlane gulped and suppressed the urge to glare. “Because we are being paid by the hour!”

“Yeah! Just chillax, Rainbow!” Candy Mane smirked. “We’ve got the easiest job in Equestria! Let’s not go bonkers with it!”

“Easiest Job?!” A burst of thunder: Rainbow Dash suddenly hovered in front of the pair, gawking into their faces. “You k-kidding?!” her voice cracked. “Weather flying is… is a friggin’ art, that’s what it is!”

“Art…?” Thunderlane’s face scrunched up.

Candy Mane giggle-snorted, waving a hoof between them. “Oh, Rainbow, please…”

“I mean it!” Rainbow frowned, panting as she folded her forelimbs. “It’s in our blood! Pegasi are built out of loyalty… to perform loyal duties! We shouldn’t be treating weather flying like… like…” She tossed her mane back and shrugged. “I dunno! Some chore?! We should be lucky that we’ve been given the opportunity to do this day in and day out!” She smirked. “And in a place as cool as Ponyville, for that matter!”

“Pffft--Yeah right.” Thunderlane rolled his eyes.

Rainbow glared at him. “You got a problem with Ponyville?”

“No, but I’m not exactly thrilled about kicking clouds for barely enough bits to pay my student loan over the next four years,” the stallion grumbled.

“Is bits all that’s important to you?”

“Well, no, but come on, Rainbow Dash…” Thunderlane swatted her shoulder playfully. “That’s the one place where the luck is at. The fact that they’re paying us for this.”

“Not to knock your enthusiasm or anything, Rainbow…” Candy Mane winced slightly. “But they’ll pay us even less if we get it all done super quick.” She gulped and put on a brave smile. “So, for all of our sakes, could we go about it… erm… a tad bit slower?”

“Pffft! You kidding?” Rainbow grinned and pointed towards the Everfree Forest. “We can make up for it doing Everborder Patrol later on!”

Candy Mane squeaked in fright, her entire body flinching.

Thunderlane’s eyebrows were like gravestones. “Everborder… Patrol…?”

“Yeah!” Rainbow grinned wickedly. “That’s where the really sick clouds form that are worth kicking into submission!”

“That… uhm…” Thunderlane scratched at his scalp. “Rainbow, Everborder Patrol isn’t due for another two months…”

“Sooooo?” Rainbow Dash flew over and draped a forelimb over each pony’s hovering shoulder. “Let’s get a leg up and see what loyal weather fliers are really good for! Ya wanna earn bits, right? Something like this would really pay us time and a half!”

“Uhhhhh…” Candy Mane sweated nervously “Eh heh heh heh…”

“You know what, Rainbow?” Thunderlane gently moved her forelimb off his shoulder. “How about you just take five for the rest of the afternoon?”

“Huh?!” Rainbow’s face hung in horror. “Slack off on the job, you mean?! Never!”

“No! No no no!” Candy Mane waved her hooves. “Nothing like that! It’s just…”

“You must have drank a wholllllle buck-ton of coffee this morning,” Thunderlane said, suppressing a chuckle.

“Heeheeheee…” Candy Mane held a hoof over her smiling muzzle. “We don’t mean to offend you, Rainbow. It’s just that… there’s no need to turn this into a battlefield.”

“But… but…” Rainbow Dash’s ears drooped “Why’s it suddenly a big deal to practice some really sick flying skills?”

“We were gonna ask you the same thing.”

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. She glanced down at the distant earth below.

“Don’t you worry, Rainbow.” Candy Mane winced as she and Thunderlane drifted leisurely towards the next batch of clouds. “We’ll tell the Commission you worked evenly with the two of us. Heck… you’ve earned all of our bits today, for all we care.”

“Heh… yeah! Thanks for making this day exciting!” Thunderlane waved as the two flew towards the other end of Ponyville’s airspace. “Feel free to keep practicing your sick moves!”

“Yeah! Those last two spinning moves were pretty killer! You’ll thrill the Wonderbolts for sure!”

As they fluttered beyond earshot, Rainbow Dash grumbled. “Hmmph… Yeah…” She drifted down until she sat on the branch of a tree overlooking a steep hill. “Knock them senseless.” Wincing, she tilted her head down and flexed her limbs beneath her. The medicine’s effect was starting to fade. It would just be a matter of hours now.

Gritting her teeth, Rainbow shook all over. Rather than growl, she burst up into the air with a single flap of her wings. Rocketing westward, she burst a big hole in a cumulonimbus cloud, dashing it apart from the inside out.

Ambitious

“Cloud Kicker?” A pegasus mare with a clipboard called out from where she hovered besides a floating zeppelin high above the rooftops of Ponyville.

“South skies clear!” The pony in question saluted. She smirked. “Even stopped a downdraft or two!”

“Living up to your name. Very nice.” The mare scribbled a check mark across the clipboard. “You’re done for the day. Have a great evening.”

“See ya tomorrow!” Cloud Kicker darted off, skirting past a drove of hovering, chatting weather fliers.

“And, last but not least, that leaves…”

Rainbow darted up in a blue blur. “‘Sup, Wyndi!”

“...Rainbow Dash.” The pony smirked, looking up from the clipboard. “Did you take care of the northern skies?”

“Yup!” Rainbow Dash nodded fervently.

“Mmmf…” The pony checked off the sheet with the pen in her mouth. “Good. That about wraps things up here--”

“Aaaaaaaand I took out some rogue clouds coming in from the Everfree Forest,” Rainbow Dash said with a smirk and an eyebrow wag.

Wyndi blinked. “Oh. Well… uhm… that wasn’t on the agenda--”

“And I made a dust devil to blow away the leaves gathered along the park paths!” Rainbow grinned wide. “Now old ponies can go on strolls without fear of their wrinkly hooves slipping on stuff!”

“Erm..” Wyndi’s muzzle scrunched. “We… didn’t have any authorization to make cyclones, Rainbow Dash…” She gulped. “And by ‘we,’ I mean you.”

“Oh come on!” Rainbow shrugged wildly with her hooves. “So I did some extra stuff on the side! Nopony got hurt! You know me! I was super-super-awesomely careful with the dirt devil!”

“Yes, I-I have no doubt of that, Rainbow, but still--”

“Sooooo…” Rainbow Dash leaned in, hovering upside down as she gave the clerk a playful nudge in her fuzzy chest. “As a sign of their appreciation, the Climate Commission is gonna reward me… right?”

“Reward you?” Wyndi couldn’t help but giggle. Her emerald mane blew in the wind as she said, “Rainbow, the Climate Commission doesn’t pay for tasks that aren’t specified on the itinerary.”

“But--”

“Unless they were added to the list specifically by the supervisor. And… uhm…” Wyndi fidgeted in mid-air. “I didn’t. So… uh…”

“But what I did was useful!” Rainbow’s voice cracked. “Somepony would pay bits out the wazoo to have the leaves blown away!”

“And just where did you blow the leaves to, Rainbow?” Wyndi asked with a curious squint.

“Oh, y’know, nowhere...” Rainbow said. She blinked. “...where there are ponies.”

“I’m sorry, Pony, but I can only pay you for a single day of work. And according to my timeclock…” Wyndi looked at a watch on her forelimb. “That’s six and a half hours worth.”

“But… I-I wanna work more than that!” Rainbow Dash leaned forward, grasping the mare’s shoulders. “Surely there’s a tornado for me to break apart somewhere! A storm front to divert? How about a field of overgrown grass that needs hail?” Rainbow licked her smiling lips. “I’m a total boss when it comes to making hail fall!”

“Rainbow, I’m sure you could do all of those things!” Wyndi smiled gently. “You are our best flier, after all. The best flier in all of Ponyville, even.”

“You got that right!” Rainbow tilted her head up with a proud smirk.

“But there simply isn’t any extra tasks available for you today… or this week for that matter,” Wyndi said. “If there were, I’d give them to you in a heartbeat!” The pegasi behind them dissipated, flying down to the town below as the engine of the nearby zeppelin revved up. “It’s just that… well…” She suppressed a friendly giggle. “Ponyville isn’t exactly demanding much in the weather department. The Climate Commission simply can’t offer more than part time positions for the cloud kicking in this part of Ponyville.”

“But I could do all of it single-hoofed!” Rainbow said, though she winced slightly. “Or w-winged!”

“Rainbow, it’s been my pleasure to work with you. Seeing your flight moves is the highlight of my day,” Wyndi said, drifting backwards and standing within a side door of the puttering vessel. Propeller blades spun, carrying the ship--along with Wyndi’s kind face--towards the far horizon. “But I simply don’t have the kind of tasks that suit you. You want my advice?” She waved her clipboard and exclaimed from a distance, “Get a second job! I bet you’d be awesome as a member of the Royal Guard! You’ve got the ambition to do anything!” A final, lasting salute. “Your paycheck will be in the morning mail!”

As the zeppelin disappeared over a distant mountain range, Rainbow Dash found herself floating alone.

“Hrmmmmfnnngh…” Sighing, she drooped slightly in her hover. “Being a guard means standing on my hooves all day.” She flexed her legs at the thought of it. Her frown hardened. “Not to mention it’s boring as balls.”

With a groan, she spun about and flew somewhere.

Anywhere.

Rainbow’s eyes were tearing. This may have had something to do with the frigid high winds pelting her skull as she came down from a hundred foot spiraling dive. She spun upright, spread her wings wide, and pulled up just in time to avoid the grassy field by screaming inches.

The tips of wildflowers and weeds brushed at her legs and belly. She spun about, lopping several blades of grass with knifing wings, and propelled herself upwards with a single flap of her wings.

Climbing once more, she felt her blood rush and her organs shift from the swift ascent. Rainbow closed her eyes, allowing the rush of pumping fluids through her brain to paint a fantastic light-show against the black canvas of her optic nerves.

Her heart was throbbing. Adrenaline coursed through her arteries. Twirling about, she briefly lost track of where the sky began and the earth ended. Sailing blind along the winds, she ran the risk of plummeting bloodily into any random mountain.

Rainbow kept her eyes closed.

A panting breath squeezed out her pursed lips. High in the air, speeding weightlessly against the claws of gravity, she only had to concentrated on the next beat of her wings or the swish of her tail hairs and nothing else. Everything was so simple, so easy…

And yet so very lonely. Her thought collided with the walls of her mind and collapsed inward, growing denser and heavier in the center, so that it pushed back out with enough pressure that the pegasus felt like screaming.

A different, far bubblier voice warbled instead: ”Woohoo! Nice midair backstroke, Dashie! You outswimming flying fish!”

Rainbow’s eyes fluttered open. Her entire body jolted, for she had blindly crashed into the grassy field in reverse. However, instead of painfully crumbling into a bloody pulp, she simply grinded to a soft stop, pushing dirt and grass clumps up on either side for the distance of twenty feet. When she came to a stop, she found herself staring straight up into the smiling muzzle of a pony staring down at her, as if she was seated in the middle of the field like a cat, waiting patiently.

“Hiya!” Pinkie Pie grinned from ear to ear. “Am I late for spawning season!”

“Can I help you, Pinkie?” Rainbow grumbled.

“Not unless you know how to disguise a pony as a trout!” Pinkie Pie said, then giggled ridiculously.

Rainbow’s brow furrowed. “What’s so funny?”

“Heeeheeheee… I’m joking about fish, and it’s not even Friday!”

“Whatever.” Rainbow Dash sat up, brushing the dirt off her forelimbs. “I was just practicing epic flying maneuvers--”

“And I saw!” Pinkie grinned. “I really liked the part where your body spun around and you took a dive!”

Rainbow Dash paused, blinking. “Uhhhh… could you be more specific?”

“Do I have to be?”

“Uhm… yeah.” Rainbow frowned slightly. “Cuz from the way you’re talking, you’re making me sound like a one-trick pony!’

“Pffft!” Pinkie rolled her eyes. “You’re at least a twenty-trick pony! Or maybe twenty-seven, though I doubt you’ll be wanting to join that club. Unless…” She rubbed her chin. “Have you taken up any musical instruments?”

“Pinkie, as much as I’d love a tall glass of random…” The pegasus hovered up and flexed her wings in mid-flap. “I’m kind of busy here.”

“Doing what?” Pinkie’s teeth positively reflected Rainbow’s confused expression. “Not hanging out with the best friends in the world?”

“Buh?”

“Oh! Uhm…” Pinkie rubbed her chin and giggle-snorted. “What I mean to say is…” She spread her forelimbs wide. “Wanna hang out with the best friends in the world?”

“Am… I missing something?”

“I’m treating you and the girls to a fun evening dinner at Sugarcube Corner to celebrate Gummy getting his first teeth!”

“But… I thought Gummy was special because he didn’t have any teeth…”

“I know! What I saw turned out to be a peppermint sweet lodged in his mouth!” Pinkie exclaimed, “That’s why we’re celebrating! Snkkkt-heeheehee!”

Rainbow Dash was only partially successful in hiding the curve to her muzzle. “I dunno, Pinkie.” She sighed, gazing towards the faint patch of wispy blue sky where she knew her home floated above the eastern treetops. “I’ve had kind of a long day and… a-and I’m not sure I’m really all that hungry.”

“Awwwwwwwwww…” Pinkie’s ears folded as her eyes sparkled sadly. “But Rarity will be there with her new spring wear to show off!”

“Pffft…” Rainbow rolled her eyes as she drifted away. “Not really sellin’ it, Pinkie.”

“And Twilight has an exciting new book about astronomy.”

“Uh huh…”

“And Applejack’s bringing one of Granny Smith’s home-baked pies to share with--”

Rainbow audibly braked in mid-air. She spun about, her eyes like ruby saucers. “Applejack will b-be there?”

“Uhhhhh… I hope so! Cuz if she’s just a shell being piloted by a bunch of mice, then that’d be really scary!”

Rainbow wasn’t listening. Instead, she had rocketed down to Pinkie’s eye-level in the span of a gunshot and was tightly gripping her shoulder. “Should I bring refreshments?!” She gazed and twitched. Twitched and gazed.

When in Sugarcube...

“And that’s when I realized--Of course!” Twilight exclaimed, her ears stretched out like exclamation points. “The Encyclopedia Equestriatanica, Volume Three, the Entry on Mana Crystal Tunnel Spiders!” She giggled lightly and waved a hoof from where she sat at the eating table. “And to think I trotted around the library all afternoon, hoping to get what I needed from Mid-Classical Biology Archives! I mean… pfft…” She rolled her eyes and grinned. “The scientific method was practically backwards in that day and age! So naturally I would need to choose from a source that was far more contemporary!”

“Is that truly what you did all day?” Rarity asked, leaning forward from her cushioned seat by the window. “Trounced around that stuffy old library seeking written literature on… eckkh... tunneling spiders?”

“Mana Crystal Tunnel Spiders,” Twilight remarked with eyes shut and proper posture. “And, I’ll have you know, Rarity, I read into it so that I could find out the actual fibrous composition of their spinnerette silk. I was wanting to buy Princess Celestia a silk robe for her birthday, and I didn’t want to settle for anything less than the absolute finest that can be naturally found in Equestria.”

“Oooooooh my stars, darling!” Rarity leaned forward, pressing her cheeks in with two trembling hooves. “Now you have most certainly sparked my interest!”

“Princess Celestia has a birthday?!” Applejack half-said, half-guffawed.

“Well of course she does, silly pony!” Pinkie Pie chirped as she slid across Sugarcube Corner and slapped a fresh tray of warm muffins onto the table. “And you can bet your bottom bucket’o’bits that it’s the most supertastic royal celebration ever!”

“Aaaaactually…” Twilight smiled with a slight blush as she said, “The Princess has told me that she likes to sleep in on the morning of her birthday and read some ancient texts by the fireplace. That’s why I was thinking of getting her a silk robe!” She blinked. “For her bedroom!” She blinked again. “When… ahem…” She straightened a loose bang or two. “...when sh-she’s alone.”

“Wouldn’t we be without the sun for a while if Celestia slept in?” Fluttershy asked in a worried tone.

“I bet she just kicks the Sun up into the sky really hard the morning before her birthday!” Pinkie Pie vaulted up and did a bicycle kick against nothing in mid-air. “Swooosh-thwack! Yeah! Like Tim Trotbow!”

“I’m sure she’ll just have Luna raise the sun for one day,” Twilight said. “That’s how they used to go about it.”

Rarity gasps. “Then that means Celestia has been without a proper, relaxing birthday for nearly a thousand years!”

“Yes, well…” Twilight shrugged. “That’s why this is so special for her. Even still…” She glared Applejack’s way. “It’s better than having not birthday at all!”

“Well, shucks!” Applejack finished scarfing down a muffin and leaned back against the windowsill with a lazy smirk. “I just figured everyday was her birthday! I mean, she and the sun are practically joined at the hip, speakin’ metaphysically and all.”

“Applejack, I do believe the term you are looking for is ‘metaphoricaly,’” Rarity said.

“That’s just what I done said!” Applejack frowned. “‘Metachloreanly!’”

“Eugh…” Rarity rolled her eyes while Fluttershy and Twilight giggle. “Seriously, dear, if you actually spared some time to read those books that Twilight keeps lending you, then perhaps you wouldn’t be so prone to making grammatical flubs.”

“Who’s flubbin’ who now?” Applejack frowned. “I’ll have you know that I was up to my legpits in apple harvestin’ today!”

“Just like yesterday, perchance, hmmmm?”

“Yeah!” Applejack folded her forelimbs. “And just like tomorrow and the day after that! Some of us can’t afford to let up on apple buckin’ any more than sun raisin’!” She leaned forward with an evil smirk. “And just what did you have yer hooves full of today, Rarity?”

“Why, I’m delighted you asked! Ahem…” She laid a hoof over her soft chest and spoke to the ceiling “I spent no less than seven hours stitching together the most exquisite gown to headline Hoity Toity’s latest ensemble for the Spring Collection.” A tiny titter, then a royal smirk. “He’s coming over this weekend to see it perfectly.” Her shoulders gave a little shiver. “Mmmm-I can’t wait!”

“It seems like you’ve been working with him more and more lately, Rarity,” Fluttershy said.

“Hmmm? Have I?” Rarity toyed with her mane while gazing happily towards the lit candles of Sugarcube Corner. “Hmmm. I haven’t noticed.”

“Oh. I d-didn’t mean anything suggestive by that!” Fluttershy exclaimed. Her face immediately blanched. “Nor did I mean to suggest anything by implying that I may have accidentally suggested anything with the mere mention of suggestiveness and… and…” Her ears flattened, and she shrank behind her edge of the table with a whimpering squeak.

Pinkie Pie patted her shoulder. “It’s okay, Flutter-Wutters! It’s fun to pin the tail on the prissy unicorn every once in a while!”

“I beg your pardon?” Rarity’s face hardened.

“I, on the other hand, pinned the tail on the Pin the Tail Convention today!” Pinkie spun around the table of muffins and mares with joyous pirouettes. “Both metaphysically and microscopically! Heeheehee!”

“Does this next bit even deserve a prelude, Pinkie?” Twilight asked with an amused smirk.

As predicted, Pinkie regaled them: “So I planned ahead for the ‘Pin the Tail on the Pony Convention’ that’s coming to town four hundred and ninety-nine days from now! That was the earliest you could apply for a vendor booth there! And there’s nothing I want more in the world than to share all of my antique ‘Pin the Tail on the Pony’ party memorabilia! I bet they’ll be worth thousands to the curious buyer!” She inhaled heavily while gripping her grinning dimples. “Maybe even hundreds!”

“I do believe you’re going backwards, darling.”

“No…” Pinkie suddenly slumped to the ground with a furious frown, crossing her forlimbs over her belly. “It’s those party pooping convention-poopers at the admissions office who are backwardly going! They told me that I was too early to apply for a booth! I told them that the pamphlet read ‘four hundred and ninety-nine days in advance!’ They told me that it was actually ‘four hundred and ninety-eight days’ cuz they did a revamp of the rules! That’s when I gasped like a terrified little filly! ‘You mean I gotta wait an extra twenty-four hours on top of my four hundred and ninety nine days just to get a front row seat to the most perfect, pleasurable, pacifying parade of pin-the-tail-on-the-pony professionals?! A pox upon your patootie!’”

Fluttershy gasped sharply. “Oh, Pinkie! Did you r-really wish a pox upon them?”

“Naaaah…” Pinkie instantly returned to her smiling demeanor, waving a hoof. “I was too lazy, so I settled on wishing Pocky on them.”

“Pocky…?”

“Mmmff…” Suddenly chewing on a candied stick, Pinkie nodded. “I couldn’t help it! The admissions office was right beside Little Tokyoats and it practically leapt into my saddlebag.” She gulped, swallowed, and then nodded at the pegasus. “What’d you do today, Fluttershy?”

“Oh…” Fluttershy smiled, her hooves curling against one another. “Spring is the most wonderful time of year. You remember Old Jeremy?”

“Hay, yeah!” Applejack smirked sharply. “That’s my favorite tree on your property! Such a strong, stately feller too.”

“Mmm… well, this year there’ve been two nests built into the boughs of Old Jeremy’s branches. Which is pretty rare, believe it or not. So I spent all afternoon looking after the newborn baby birds while their mothers and fathers went out to fetch some more food. They’re just sooooo cute, and they make the most delightful high-pitched noises when they’re newly born.” Fluttershy sighed dreamily and leaned into the closest shoulder next to her--which happened to be Rarity’s--and thoughtlessly nuzzled it as she stared a thousand miles away with dreamy joy. “I can’t wait until they’re old enough to sing and actual melody. That’ll be a really, really… happy day.”

“Well, if you ask me, it sounds like a regular ol’ drop of heaven,” Applejack said with a smile. She tilted her head back. “Golly, if there ain’t nothin’ in this world I like than layin back after a long day of apple buckin’ and just… listenin’ to the birds do their thang for nature’s symphony.” A beat. She turned and smirked across the table. “How about you, Rainbow Dash? Ya do anythang today?”

“Hmmmm…” Rainbow Dash was smiling deliriously.

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Hello, earth to sky pony?”

Fluttershy looked at Applejack, at Rainbow’s dumb grin, then back at Applejack. She spread her wings like a landing signal and cleared her throat as loudly as she could.

Rainbow Dash finally snapped out of it. “Uhhhh-I-I didn’t do any freckles!” She blinked, then bit hunched over with crooked feathers. “Wait, what?”

“Whatcha doin’ in la-la land over there, sugarcube?” Applejack chuckled. “We were tryin’ to give it the gab! Or at least that’s what I thought we were--”

“Oh! My day! Yeah…” Rainbow Dash grinned crookedly. “Such a… good… good day! Full of… y’know…” She rubbed the back of her neck, trying to look anywhere but in the direction of the athletically built blonde mare with golden bangs, emerald eyes, and an orange coat that still smelled of applejuice and a dollop of worksweat. “G-good stuff.” She gulped.

Applejack squinted. Fluttershy bit on the edge of her hoof, glancing at everypony and sweating--

“Yaaaay!” Pinkie flipped across the table and landed with a burst of stealthily contained confetti streamers. “That sounds like fun!” She paused, then crossed her eyes. “I think?”

“What did you do that was so spectacular, darling?” Rarity asked.

“Oh… y’know…” Rainbow Dash chuckled, waving her hoof. “I just…” Her forelimb glided repetitively through the air. “...flew around.” She twitched. “A lot.” Another pause. “Fun stuff!” she leaned back with crossed hooves, only for the stool to almost fall over. “Whoah!”

“Wow, you’re all jittery!” Twilight stated the obvious. “Must be hard containing your nerves when you spend a whole afternoon kicking frightening thunderclouds before lunchtime!”

“Hey…” Rainbow shrugged, although she hid the force of the upcoming sigh. “It’s a l-living…”

“Well, I for one look forward to this weekend, but not just for my continued business with Hoity Toity,” Rarity said, redirecting the conversation, much to Rainbow’s satisfaction. “There’s a new record of cello suites of the famous Octavia being circulated, and I’ve been invited by the Mayor personally to attend the first-ever Ponyville Classical Listening Session.”

“Wow, Rarity!” Twilight grinned. “That sounds fantastic!”

“Yeah…” Applejack chuckled. “Downright thrilling!”

“Oh, Applejack, don’t knock exceptional music when you haven’t even heard it!”

“Who’s knockin’ on who? I just think that ‘listening’ to music is a tad bit less exciting than dancing to it! What kind of a way to spend a weekend afternoon is that?”

“Not all forms of enjoyment involve copious amounts of exercise and… ungh… sweat, dear. Why, I’ll have you know that…”

As the gentle “argument” went on, Fluttershy kept nodding politely in Rarity’s direction. As Applejack provided her drawling rebuttal, the Fluttershy glanced nervously across the table.

Rainbow saw the glance, but didn’t register it, she was too busy clenching her head tight in a pair of hooves in order to prevent everypony from seeing her flushed expression… or her desire to slam her own skull against the tabletop.

...Do as the Sugarcubes Do

“And so as long as I keep the north orchard apples separated from the ones bucked out of the eastern fields, then I can properly keep track of ‘em while I prepare to send them to market. I like to mix the whole lot of ‘em up, ya see. It’s a trade secret that our Ma and Pa taught us. ‘Cuz the apples from the eastern fields are ripest, believe it or not. We figure it’s on account of receivin’ the sunlight soonest. Anyhow, the rest of the orchards’ apples are just a might bit less sweet… but not by a long shot, mind you! Heh… every single morsel that comes out of the Acres’ fruit is the damned finest in all of Equestria, and don’t let nopony ever tell y’all different! Even still, we gotta impress our customers. So long as we mix a heapin’ helpin’ of the east orchard apples into every barrel that we sell, we make sure that at least one in every four apples bought is guaranteed to be a teensy bit sweeter than all the rest.”

“My goodness!” Rarity cupped a hoof around her chin as she smiled in wonder. “I had no idea that it could get so intricate!”

“Betcha didn’t think I threw my head into the process as much as my hooves, huh?” Applejack said with a smirk.

“It certainly makes a lot of sense to me,” Twilight said as she sipped from a mug of cocoa. She leaned forward from her seat at the table while the rest of the marefriends listened intently. “So, did you spend all afternoon doing this… ‘sorting?’”

“Heh, as if. There was lots of wagon-pullin’ and basket-haulin’ before we got to the culminatin’ events, ya see. But Big Macintosh have this system that we run by so that everything stays orderly--” Applejack stopped in mid-sentence. She rolled her eyes and chuckled. “Awwww shucks. This is just borin’ ol’ farmtalk. None of y’all wanna hear this…”

“No, by all means!” Fluttershy remarked with a smile.

“Mmmmf!” Pinkie stuffed her face with another muffin. “Farmtalk away, Farmtalker: Talkative Ranger!”

“Well, Big Mac is the best at pullin’ the wagon, but he ain’t invincible, y’know. The big guy’s gotta rest from time to time.” Applejack leaned forward. “So, we’ve devised a rotation schedule…”

All the while, Rainbow Dash stared, leaning her mushed blue muzzle against a rigid forelimb propped upon the tabletop. As the conversation continued, with Applejack’s words dominating the moment, Rainbow gazed at her eyes, her freckles, her genuine smile as the farm filly related the details of her unassuming day.

Look at her…

She looks totally, genuinely happy…

What is it that makes her tick? What is her secret?

She lives on a friggin’ farm for Celestia’s sake. She spends all day slamming into apple trees and making fruit fall. There’s nothing awesome about that. Nothing even remotely cool.

But… she’s really into it. I mean, she gets so excited. Her green eyes light up and her blonde bangs flounce.

And her smile… friggin’ A…

Applejack loves what she does. It’s plain and simple.

I wish I loved what I did. I mean, kicking clouds is great and all…

But I don’t feel about it the way Applejack feels about kicking apples.

Maybe if I spent a day not obsessing over what I wanna be and just focus on what I am… or what I have…

Ungh.

No…

That would be like… like…

Settling.

And a pony as awesome as me doesn’t settle for anything. Especially not this pegasus. Nosiree.

But… friggin’ look at her.

She’s just so happy to talk about apples. She falls asleep around them and wakes up to them and she’s still got the same smile on her face as when she’s chatting with us about them now.

I wish I felt that happy when I went to sleep and woke up.

Maybe if I wasn’t such a friggin’ moron about… y’know… stuff…

Like routine stuff, work stuff… money stuff.

I totally have the talent and badflankitude to get anything I want, to do anything I set my mind to.

Then… like…

Why is it that I always find myself in the same spot? Don’t I fly enough? Can’t I make sonic rainbooms blindfolded while my wings are weighed down by… I dunno, fat armadillos or whatcrap?

I’ve kicked a dragon in the face and swept parasprites into a killer tornado. That enough is something to put on my gravestone for ponies to eternally drool at. And the list goes on, darn it! It goes on and on and on…

But… somehow it just feels so short… so stupid…

Compared to her. How much she’s smiling. How proud she is of herself. How… self-assured.

Celestia, when did I turn into such a wuss? I’m the most awesome pony in town. Mares and stallions look up to me. Foals worship me. I’ve given motivational speeches and coached flight teams. I’m on top of my game.

Then why does it feel so… lame lately?

Applejack spent the entire day doing something she believed in. So did all of my friends for that matter.

What did I do? Kick clouds to dust then fly around like I had nowhere to go?

I have everywhere to go. The world’s just a springboard that was built for me.

Why am I so afraid of taking the leap?

What’s keeping me here?

What’s keeping me anchored?

A year ago, everything felt different. I could have taken off at anytime. I didn’t need rules. I didn’t need friends. I didn’t need…

That smile.

That silly, deep guffaw.

That way the whites of her eyes light up whenever she’s smiling, like her blood’s made out of friggin’ fire.

No wonder Applejack doesn’t ever notice me… n-noticing her. She doesn’t need anything that would weigh her down more.

She doesn’t need me.

She doesn’t need any of it.

So…

Stop staring.

Stop being lame.

Stop being lame…

Just… stop…

Those smiling lips. Moving. Imploring--

“You alright over there, sugarcube?”

Rainbow jerked back, her wings instantly arching. “Uhhhhh…” She blinked like a dumpster raccoon caught in a flashlight. “I… uhhh…”

“You looked like you had something on your mind.” Applejack took a sip out of her own mug of cocoa, swallowed, and said, “Had somethin’ to add to the conversation?”

“What… w-were we talking about?” Rainbow Dash stammered, on the verge of imploding.

“Apples and oranges darling,” Rarity said with the wink. “Well, our dear friend with the homely orange coat was regaling us about apples, but… ahem…” She blushed slightly as she hid behind her mane. “Alright, t’wasn’t the most creative pun…”

“I was just… uhm…” Rainbow Dash’s voice squeaked, taking on a fractured tone. “Just… thinking… thinking…” She felt her sweat glands quivering. Her muzzle paled as her wings drooped limply on either side. The ends of her hooves went numb, and--try as she might--she couldn’t wrench her eyes from Applejack’s innocently smiling expression. “That… that I should… should be telling you--”

“Rainbow Dash has an exciting flight story to tell us all about!” Fluttershy said, grinning pleasantly.

“Oooh!” Pinkie leaned forward, her muzzle covered with muffin crumbs. “I love those!”

“I could certainly do with an adventure yarn right about now!” Twilight said.

“Oh, fabulous!” Rarity scooted forward. “This, I have to hear!”

In the meantime, Rainbow was squinting across the table. “Flutter… shy…?”

“You remember, Rainbow...” Fluttershy looked back. “The one you told me the other day? The one you were dying to tell us all at dinner?”

Rainbow blinked. “I was?”

Fluttershy snuck forth a wink.

Rainbow’s lungs instantly exhaled with relief. “Oh! Yes!” She flapped her wings and hovered above the table, having taken the spotlight suddenly.

Just where she was most comfortable.

“Right… I’ve got a story that will totally knock your horseshoes off!”

“Well…” Applejack leaned back with a patient expression. “This should be a real treat! Go on and thrill us, sugarcube!”

“Oh… you bet I will, AJ!” Rainbow Dash glanced aside. She caught Fluttershy’s gaze. Stealthily, between the shutter-flaps of her wings, she mouthed “Thank you.”

Fluttershy gently nodded her head, then leaned forward with a placid smile.

“So… this one’s a real doozie…” Rainbow rolled up sleeves that weren’t there and flew up so that the candlelight cast menacing shadows across her devilishly smirking muzzle. “Two summers ago, during a harvest moon, I set upon a grueling dare… to become the first winged pony to fly the full length of Ghastly Gorge…” She sneered. “...at night!”

The air of the room instantly filled with adoracute gasps.

Gorging

"I thought that the hardest part of flying through the Gorge at night would be gliding past the Quarry Eels," Rainbow Dash said, her devilish grin lighting up the dinner table with greater luminosity than the dwindling candles. "And I was totally right. But... what I didn't realize was that there's a reason Quarry Eels prefer to hang out in deep tunnels all the time. They prefer the dark! Which means..."

Rarity gasped, grasping her muzzle with two dainty hooves. "Th-they're acquainted with the night!"

"Whoah! Who's telling this story, Rudety?! You, or the resident daredevil?!"

"Ahem..." Rarity blushed slightly, fluffing her mane as she tossed a limp hoof forward. "Do continue..."

"So... yeah!" Rainbow Dash said, her grin increasing in relation to the trembles around the table. "They're totally nocturnal! Who'd a thunk it? I know I didn't!" She gestured with her hooves as she continued, "So, imagine my surprise when I'm speeding past their tunnels, right? When suddenly they're not just lunging out at me, but they're friggin' sliding out all the way and chasing me down the gorge! Oh yeah! Those eels are super long, by the way! I never realized it until I saw them in whole. But, then again, I never thought that I'd ever get a chance to see those over-sized snakes in whole! Stuff like that just doesn't happen all the time. I suddenly realized that—heck—I might not ever get to tell another pony ever! Just looking back at their snapping fangs and how easily they roped around the inside of the Gorge like they friggin' owned the place... heh... I knew that my time was up. Final curtain call. Goin' out to pasture. Bang. Final nail in the coffin, y'know?" Rainbow smirked and leaned back in mid-hover like she was reclining on an invisible couch. "Need I go on?"

"Mmmm..." Fluttershy inwardly whimpered, crouching until her eyes were barely at level with the tabletop. "I-I kind of regret asking that you t-tell us about th-this dreadful story..."

"Awwwwwwwww... Come on, Fluttershy!" Rainbow winked down at her. "Heck, you already know how it ends!"

"It's okay, Fluttershy." Twilight reached over and patted Fluttershy's shoulder with her hoof. "It obviously has a happy ending." She paused, gulped, and looked up at Rainbow with folded ears. "Doesn't it?"

Rainbow Dash grinned evilly, her ruby eyes reflecting the worried faces of her marefriends. "So there I was... being chased by half-a-dozen of these big, scaley things. Just one chomp of their fangs, and they'd have me for dinner. I knew that if I tried to fly up and ascend above the walls of the ravine, that'd give the creeps enough open air to lunge for me. Nope, there'd be no flying away from this chase like a coward. If I had any hope of shaping them, I'd have to fly to the end of the Gorge until it got thin enough that I could squeeze past the rock and get away from them unharmed."

"What... wh-what did you do?" Rarity asked.

"I knew that 'Boulder Pass' was ahead of me," Rainbow Dash said, brushing her mane back with a slick gesture. "Most of the rocks that clung to the walls there were super unstable. A single sneeze could cause an avalanche! Now, I've flown through this Gorge enough times that I could practically do it in my sleep. That's how I knew I'd be comfortable enough to do it in the dark. I just didn't account for having a bunch of fat worms on my tail, their rancid breaths filling my nostrils. But, I timed it just right."

"Timed what just right, Dashie?" Pinkie asked with blue eyes a'blinking.

Rainbow lowered down and sat before the rest of them. "Right when doom was upon me..." She leaned against the table, squinting and grinning from face to friendly face. "Right when any second meant that I was gonna become eel food..." She licked the edges of her muzzle, paused for dramatic effect, and then blurted, "I twirled sideways and bucked the ever-living-snot out of the ravine wall! All of Boulder Pass shook, and—sure enough—it snowed rocks and pebbles all over the place!" She hovered back up in the air, tilted back in a proud pose. "Those stupid scale-faces didn't know what hit them! They had flown straight into a rainstorm of stones, and I'd be a donkey's niece if not one of them suffered a killer concussion! Hah! It sounded like coconuts snapping behind me! I think I even heard one of them squealing in pain like a little sissy!"

"So... you mean..." Applejack breathed.

"Yup! They turned tail and ran!" Rainbow Dash produced a squeaky laugh then folded her forelimbs with a sharp smirk. "And I... got to finish the flight." She winked. "The first pony to have flown through Ghastly Gorge at night... and lived." She hovered lower and landed on her hooves. "And she's totally standing right here."

Rainbow Dash had barely finished when Pinkie began cheering wildly. "Wooohooo! Way to go Dashieeee!"

"Simply marvelous!" Rarity clapped her hooves against Sugarcube Corner's tile floor. "Such a fantastic, riveting yarn!"

"Incredible, Rainbow!" Twilight stammered, her jaw hanging wide open. "Such quick thinking! Any other pony who was unfamiliar with the Gorge couldn't possibly have survived that!"

"Gotta admit, it took a lot of spunk," Applejack's voice said, causing Rainbow's heart to leap to her throat. Her smile was positively radiant. "Just flyin' into that nasty place to begin with is like signin' yer own death warrant."

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow Dash winked. "It looks like somepony slipped in some invisible ink." The air filled with chuckles and giggles. "Yup!" She hovered again, containing her own snickers. "If anypony's gonna be pranking death, you're looking right at her!"

As the table eventually quieted down, Rarity blinked, glancing around worriedly. "Wait a moment. Where is Fluttershy?"

"Under the table, silly filly!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Come on out, sugarcube!" Applejack said with a smirk. "You'll prune up if you keep bathin' in a cold sweat!"

"Uhm..." Fluttershy peaked her head out, blushing slightly. "I knew Rainbow Dash would end up okay."

The room erupted in laughter. Twilight and Rarity leaned in to nuzzle Fluttershy, who smiled demurely.

Rainbow Dash gazed down at the scene, smiling. All of her friends were around, and she was at the center of attention. She felt warm. She felt at ease. She felt...

Perfect Strangers

"Good night, everypony!" Rarity's voice rang through the starlight. "It was a most delightful dinner! We must do it again soon!" She waved back at the entrance to Sugarcube Corner and resumed trotting towards the far end of town alongside Fluttershy. "Come along, darling. I'll escort you home."

"Oh, Rarity, that's so kind of you."

"Yes, well, one does emulate another's grace after much exposure."

"So long!" Twilight exclaimed as she trotted gaily towards the library in the center of downtown. "I'll have done lots of research before we hang out again so I can tell you all about it!"

Everypony pretended not to groan, instead emitting a salvo of giggles and chuckles into the night air.

"Awwwwww... now I'm all out of muffins," Pinkie sighed, slumping sadly against the doorframe to Sugarcube Corner. "This means only one thing..." She brightened. "I gotta bake twice more overnight! Woohooo!" She bounced ecstatically into the kitchen, slamming the door shut behind her.

Rainbow Dash hovered in the dark beside the building. Once her friends had parted, she took a deep sigh. Her smile was a lingering thing, but even it started to fade as she pivoted northeast and made limply for her hovering abode in the low horizon—

"Hold on there just a second, Sugarcube."

Rainbow Dash almost imploded. Chest throbbing, she spun about and stared down with quivering pupils. "... ... ... ... ..." Her entire response was a breathy, high-pitched sentence of nothing. Clearing her throat, she found her voice and loosely repeated, "You n-need something, Applejack?"

"I just wanted to ask ya somethin'." The farm mare stood like a delicious shadow-within-shadows beneath the pegasus. "If ya don't mind."

Rainbow Dash took the deepest breath of her life and lowered down on twitching wings. Once she was hovering just a foot or two above the mare, she pretended to frown. "What's on your mind? I mean... I've totally got places to be."

"Heheh... More Gorges to fly through, I reckon."

Rainbow bit the edge of her muzzle. "...Maybe?"

"Ya mind standin' for a second? I can't see yer face from here."

"Oh... r-right. Uhm." Tensing up, Rainbow stopped flapping her wings. She dropped like a piano, and it was through a sheer miracle that she landed on four straight legs without collapsing entirely. The utter unbelievability of the moment pulsed on as Applejack trotted even closer. Soon, Rainbow could smell the apples, the sweat, the warm fragrance of her breath...

"I was just wonderin', about that amazin' tale you just spun today—Whoah Nelly!" Applejack suddenly did a double-take.

"What?! Wh-what?" Rainbow clenched her teeth. She looked back and was relieved to see her wings hadn't shot straight out.

"I just realized, I'm a good three inches taller than you!" Applejack chuckled breathily, her face awash with amusement and disbelief. "Unless it's just my imagination speakin'. You ever noticed that?"

"Yes. I totally h-have," Rainbow exhaled with a slight tremble, then winced. "Er, I mean... pfft. It's all in your stupid hat, silly."

Applejack's eyebrow arched. "How in tarnation does that work?"

"I... have n-no clue." Rainbow Dash nervously smiled.

Five second passed.

"You... uh... w-were gonna ask me about Ghastly Gorge—?"

"Oh! Right..." Applejack tossed her dangling mane over her neck and said, "You said that you escaped the eels by kickin' the walls of Boulder Pass and makin' the rocks fall on them until they let up and stopped chasin' you, right?

"I'm pretty sure that's the awesomeness that took place. Why?"

"Not tryin' to sass you none, but I couldn't help but wonder..." Applejack leaned forward with a genuinely confused expression. "It had to been pretty dark, right?"

"I could barely see the end of my own muzzle. Yeah. What's your point?"

"Well... I mean, sure—you had the Gorge memorized from years and years of flyin' through it, but..." Applejack shifted nervously. "How could you have seen through the rain of boulders to have come out of the whole mess safely yourself? I reckon you were familiar with Boulder Pass, but it's not like you had the power to see the fallin' rocks yerself, right?"

"Oh... yeah... well..." Rainbow squirmed.

"Was it... was it just dumb luck?"

Rainbow bit her lip. She suddenly glanced over her shoulders at the rest of Ponyville.

Applejack blinked. "Sugarcube...?"

"I... uh..." Rainbow looked back at the farm filly with a weak smirk. "I'm gonna tell you something, AJ. Something of a secret."

"Secret?"

"It's something that no other ponies know," Rainbow said. She gulped. "Not even Fluttershy."

Applejack smirked and tilted her hat back. "Now this should be interestin'."

Rainbow Dash shifted left and right, then relaxed on bent legs. "Well... you see... the reason I could make my way through Boulder Pass... or half of the Gorge for that matter... is because of the eels."

"Huh?" Applejack blinked. "I'm afraid you've lost me."

"That's okay. Uhm..." Rainbow Dash tapped her chin, then gestured as she spoke, "Y'know how I told you that the Quarry Eels are used to livin' in the dark?"

"Right..."

"Well, turns out Mother Nature built them something to deal with that. Basically... their eyes glow."

"Really?"

"Yup! It's got this freaky pale green shine to it too! Like someone vomited over a flashlight and decided to aim it at a wall or something. Heheheh..."

"Land's Sakes, that's mighty unbelievable..." Applejack murmured. Suddenly, her pupils shrank, and she gazed in shock at the pegasus. "Wait a minute, then that must mean—"

Rainbow was already nodding. "Having them chase me was the only thing lighting my path," she said. "And, y'know, in the heat of the moment, I had kinda lost my bearings. I was a lot younger than, so... eheheh... even more stupid. I didn't even remember Boulder Pass was in front of me until the eels' eyes light it up. So, you see, Applejack..." The pegasus shrugged. "To finish my flight through Ghastly Gorge, I needed them to chase me."

"That's... that's plum incredible!" Applejack exhaled. "Why didn't you tell that to the girls at the table? It woulda absolutely floored them!"

"Heh... because it's much cooler the way I told it," Rainbow Dash said with a slick grin. "Not to mention a lot more suspenseful to make it look like I relied on total luck in the dark. Well, the luck part still applies, but if they knew about the eels and their eyes lighting up everything..."

"But wait..." Applejack tilted her head with a suspicous squint. "Does that mean that you could've flown out of the Gorge at any time? I mean, if they had to light you up to see you—"

"Ehhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash smiled sheepishly. "Yeahhhh. I guess I could have."

"Rainbow!" Applejack frowned. "No kiddin' about being young and stupid! Shoot, you could have been gobbled up at any moment! What was so important about flyin' through that Gorge that you had to nearly kill yerself doin' it!"

"Because..." Rainbow Dash's ears drooped. She avoided Applejack's gaze when she ultimately limped forth, "Because sometimes fear is the one thing that makes me feel like I'm really alive." She gulped. "And conquering it."

Applejack stared in silent comprehension.

"It's just that... y'know..." Rainbow tossed her mane and chuckled nervously, finally looking up at Applejack. "Some fear is... easier than others."

Slowly, the farm filly smiled. A very warm and friendly smile. "Yer an amazin' pony, Rainbow Dash."

That was it. Rainbow's wings shot out, but she covered for it by giving them a good flap or two before coiling them back beside her wings. "Eheheheheh..." She prayed to Celestia that the starlight wasn't bright enough to illuminate her flushed cheeks. "You r-really think so?"

"Know so," Applejack said with a nod. Then, like a scalpel: "You doin' alright lately?"

Rainbow's heart freezed over. Her neck had suddenly locked up, and she had to pivot her entire body to face Applejack directly. "Uhhhh... s-sure! What... makes you ask that?"

"Was just wonderin'. After all, I hadn't seen you since the weekend of the gala. And when I last did—" Her voice trailed, and the freckles on her face combined with a brief wince.

Rainbow thought of a million ways to respond to that. Instead, she remained still as a statue.

Applejack cleared her throat. Her hoof flickered in the starlight, almost as if it was trembling. In a gentle motion, she tightened that hat onto her scalp, as if afraid it might fly off. "Well, anyhow, this was a nice little evenin' we all had, wasn't it?"

"Yeah..." Rainbow exhaled for the first time in nearly a minute. Her legs felt weaker, and she struggled with the urge to flap her wings. "It totally was. I wouldn't mind if—" Her face froze, as did her whole body.

Applejack was hugging her, a very warm, soft, but loose hug. A hug from a friend to a friend. It didn't stop Rainbow from melting on the inside out. When Applejack spoke, it was like thunder against the pegasus' quivering heart.

"Just know that if ya ever need anythang, from any of us, we're just a cloud-hop away, ya hear?" Something drifted between the two. At first, Rainbow thought it was the wind, with the way her bangs were parting. But there was purpose to it, and heat too.

Rainbow's tongue stabbed the roof of her mouth. Did Applejack just... stroke her mane—?

"Yer a loyal pony, but we're loyal too." Applejack had stepped back. The whole embrace had lasted the holy span of two short seconds, and still Rainbow was reeling numbly. "We're all there for each other, and that includes the most awesome pony in town." An emerald wink. "So don't become a stranger, ya hear?"

"Uh... no way, AJ..." Rainbow squeaked. Fearing Applejack hadn't heard the first part, she spoke with greater volume, like a dying siren trying to summon its last waking noise. "We'll never be strangers. You can bet your farm on th-that!" She tried to wink back; it came across as a seizure.

If Applejack saw it, she didn't let on. She trotted away, carrying a smile along with her hat. "Good night, sugarcube. Don't let the cloud bugs bite." She laughed at herself, an angelic guffaw... if there could ever be such a thing.

Only once the mare was out of sight did Rainbow allow gravity to run its course. She collapsed on folded legs, breathing heavily. Eventually, she raised a hoof to her own mane, trying to reenact the breezy mystery that had passed between them, when she realized to her trembling self that they had actually hugged.

The smile that the epiphany produced was positively luminescent. She used it as a spotlight to find her way home, and it was a far more thrilling trek than any quarry eel could afford.

Always Nothing

When Rainbow Dash made a late night snack for herself, she was humming gaily to the candle-lit halls around her. When she took a shower, she felt like singing. When she sat on the stoop and looked out over the sleepy rooftops of Ponyville, she couldn't stop smiling.

An hour and a half later, she was fluttering into her bedroom. The container of pills sat lonesomely on the edge of her dresser, but she didn't even look at it. A pile of letters from her real estate agents sat in the corner of the room, but she paid them no heed.

She plunged into bed like a fifty pound explosive. The sheets flew up, then settled softly like snow around her petite body. Instantly, she curled up, snuggling into the darkness with only her quiet breaths to accompany her.

Lying there, gradually warmed by her own duvet, Rainbow Dash hugged her pillow, imagining it was a certain pony's soft embrace. She then ran a hoof through her bangs, envisioning somepony's phantom limb stroking through her mane instead.

"Never..." She murmured, smiling stupidly into the shadows. "We'll never have to be strangers." A stifled giggle. "You think I'm loyal to just anypony?"

A beat. Rainbow giggled, a very high-pitched thing that she could only afford when she knew that she was absolutely alone. The tone took a dive, and suddenly she was gasping harder and harder between each laugh. Then those gasps took prolonged, wheezing breaks, allowing bitter sobs to break their way through. Before Rainbow Dash could stop it, she was clutching her face, trying to lock the tears in.

"Idiot..." She hissed. "Stupid... stupid idiot. Of course it's nothing." She sucked her breath in and quivered. "It's always n-nothing..."

She didn't wail; she didn't moan. She simply twitched into the storm until it had passed over, and soon the veil of asleep absorbed her tears, as it did her breaths. Rainbow lay still as if in a grave, and blissfully passed the night away.

Fade in, Fade Out

The alarm went off.

Rainbow Dash sat up, blinking blearily.

She gave her clock a dispassionate stare, and it wasn't until two loud minutes had limped by that she finally summoned the strength to switch the blaring thing off.

Not even bothering to stand up, Rainbow flapped her wings and hovered loosely across her home.

Breakfast was a dull thing.

Rainbow munched through her bowl of oats as if it was cement.

She was't even halfway finished with the meal when she went to wash it out in the kitchen basin.

By then, it was getting difficult to turn simple faucet knobs.

So, with a defeated sigh, she fluttered back into her room, pulled a pill from the container, and took her first dose fo the day.

Gargling water, she swallowed the medicine down and fluttered over to where she kept her saddlebag and things.

Flying out of her house, Rainbow stopped just above the stoop, staring out onto Ponyville in the bright morning sunlight.

Squinting, she glanced aside.

The "For Lease" sign stabbed at her vision.

She sighed, flapped her wings harder, and shot for the cloud high above the slowly waking village.

"Nnngh!" Rainbow kicked cloud after cloud, dissolving them to puffy trails that evaporated swiftly in the air.

She heard laughter.

Glancing over her shoulder, she spotted Thunderlane and Candy Mane pausing in their work to share a joke with two other pegasi.

The winged ponies giggled merrily, their faces turning red and warm in the noonday sun.

Rainbow sighed out her nostrils, turned back to her work, and gave the next row of clouds a murderously savage kick.

Rainbow glided through the air, twirling about as her wings made vapor trails against a lonely cloudbank.

She backflipped, performed a cork-screw, and dove down towards the earth.

Pulling up with inches to spare, Rainbow found herself gliding over the surface of a pond.

She looked into her reflection and the reflection stared back.

She couldn't tell which pony needed a hug more.

A frown ran through her muzzle and she punched the lake's surface.

It barely made a ripple.

Wincing, Rainbow glanced at the end of her hoof, then flexed the forelimb numbly.

She rolled her eyes, spun about, and beat her wings so heavily that it distorted the entire surface of the lake.

Light danced off the massacred surface as she pulled up, spun through the sky, and climbed towards the warmer heights of Ponyville's airspace.

Rainbow sat on a lone cloud, hugging her legs as the sunset melted before her.

Sweet Apple Acres loomed below, its orchards and silos casting long shadows over the lush farmscape.

At the entrance to one barn, Big Mac and Applejack returned home from a long day of work, their cart full of glossy fruit.

Two other equines trotted out of the farmhouse to greet them.

Granny Smith said something with a smirk, and Apple Bloom giggled, followed soon by Applejack's guffaws and Big Mac's chuckles.

Rainbow hugged herself tighter.

Her face tightened, and moisture lined the edges of her eyes.

Then, with gritting teeth, she kicked off the cloud, twirled about, and glided eastward.

When her hooves landed on the dirt road towards the north edge of town, she managed to keep her balance.

With a soft breath into the night, she trotted forward, approaching a lone building that stood two blocks from the next nearest Ponyvillean structure.

In flickering neon lights, a group of Equestrian words read "The Navel" just above a pair of swinging doors.

The Gang's All Here

"It's a total sham, I'm telling you!" Lyra Heartstrings said, sipping from a thin glass of cider. She exhaled with a smirk as she leaned back in her booth. "The Founding of Equestria happened in the middle of the Vernal Equinox nearly seven thousand years ago! That's the whole point! The windigoes were making all of Equestria cold during a season when it was unnatural! And trust me! I know my history!" She took another sip, stifled a burp, and said, "At least more than I know when my music theory students are trying to plagiarize their way through an exam!"

"Lyra, it's spring," Vinyl Scratch grunted, scribbling music notes over a sheet of paper atop the table. A nearby jukebox played Equestria folk music while the four ponies populated a corner of the bar. "Why in the name of Princess Celestia's mountain brothel are you preaching to us about Hearth's Warming, today of all days?"

"Because it's a travesty!" Lyra cackled. "They've turned a truly epic historical event into an excuse to sell presents and cholesterol-inducing edibles by the truckloads! Half of the faculty at Ponyville University are still working off the flank fat from all the yule time massacre of their muscles!"

"Because we know how much you care about your figure," Caramel droned, rolling his eyes. "You bony thing you."

"Hey! Don't hate me because my shoulderblades show!" Lyra's voice rasped, causing the other three to chuckle. "I mean it! They'll rip that silken mane off your head at a moment's sneeze!"

"Tear this hair off my scalp and you're deader than Starswirl," Caramel grunted into his swirling glass. "I mean it, girlfriend."

"Bring it on! Scapulas at twenty trots!"

"I, for one, adore the holiday season," Bon Bon said with a rosy smile tossed across the table. "I wish it was Hearth's Warming every month. It gives me excuses to bake the most delicious sweets! No matter how silly they might look!" She giggles. "The foals absolutely love them too. It's so cute..."

"That's enough drinking for you, Bon Bon," Lyra muttered. "You've officially entered the unsexy department of La-La land."

"I've not had too much cider!" Bon Bon frowned, then hiccuped. Her eyes widened and she hid her muzzle behind a flushed forelimb. "That... w-was from the pretzels, I swear."

"If anypony's stomach is turning knots, it'd be fitting if it was yours, B-cubed," Vinyl said with a smirk, sketching more of her latest musical number. "Just thank your lucky stars that you weren't in Canterlot over the weekend."

"Why? Because of all the mayhem that went down at the Palace?" Caramel stammered.

"Actually, I was referring to all the hoof-me-down leftovers from the buffet table. They were serving them at local community centers up in the mountains. I sampled some, cuz I'm a cheap bastard like that, and... girls, lemme tell you, there better not be changelings living inside the crystal caves anymore because—whew—did I send them a present or what!"

"Unnnnghh..." Caramel blanched. "Seriously, can we talk about something else?"

"Huh? Were we talking?" Lyra's smirked into her reflection off the cider shotglass. "I thought we were just vomiting with words."

Bon Bon giggled.

Caramel glared her way. "Lyra, you're impossible."

"Nah, I'm just disastorously fabulous." She sipped the last of her drink and wiped her muzzle. "Ahhh... so it's no wonder you can't compute, princess."

"Grrrrrr..."

Vinyl chuckled. But before Caramel could voice his rebuttal, the doors swung open.

Bon Bon craned her neck and her eyes instantly widened. "Good gracious!"

"Holy Luna Balls..." Lyra stammered, smirking. "Been a friggin' while, ya think?"

"Hey! RD!" Vinyl wildly waved her forelimb. "Long time, no see! How ya doin'?!"

"Meh." Rainbow Dash bee-lined her way to the front bar. She tried climbing up to a stool, slipped, slipped again, then beat her wings with frustration. When at last she was sitting atop the pedestal, she took a deep breath and relaxed against the counter.

The four ponies blinked amongst each other.

Bon Bon leaned into the group. "I thought you walked out of here drunk, not the other way."

"I'm not sure she's tipsy, girls," Caramel said, swallowing his throat nervously. "I mean... it has been a while since she came her last, right?"

"Just because we're keeping score doesn't mean you have to commentate, pretty-flanks," Lyra belched.

"No, I mean..." Caramel pointed. "Look at her? Does it look like the colors of her mane are a little... I dunno... muted?"

"I can't tell the difference," Vinyl groned.

Lyra smacked her across the horn. "Try taking off your dayum shades!"

Vinyl flinched, doing just that. Her red eyes reflected the lone pegasus figure. "No need to marinate over there by your lonesome, RD. Come on and hang out with us!" Her lips curved. "Just like old times, right?"

Rainbow merely sighed. The barkeep trotted over, his eyes darting between Rainbow and the group behind her.

"Those folks pestering you, Rainbow?"

"Mmmmf..." Rainbow blearily shook her head. "It's cool."

"What can I get you tonight?" The stallion smirked. "The usual? I mean, I know it's been a while—"

Rainbow opened her mouth, hesitated, then sighed. "No cider for me today, Sam." She leaned against the counter with a sigh. "Make it lemonade. Your tallest glass."

The stallion raised his eyebrow, but nevertheless went to prepare it.

The four at the table glanced at each other.

"Now I know she's not doing well!" Caramel hissed.

"Maybe... sh-she needs somepony to talk to?" Bon Bon mewled worriedly.

"I think it's obvious that she wants us all to shove off," Vinyl muttered.

"Pegasi," Lyra grunted. "Am I right?"

"I can friggin' hear you guys, y'know," Rainbow Dash droned.

"Good!" Lyra craned her neck. "Then maybe you can help us thaw out the cold shoulder you're giving!"

"Lyra..." Bon Bon chided.

"What? Am I the only mare who's shivering? Never mind Caramel. He's already acting like he's sitting on an icicle."

"Yeah, heheh, I—Hey!"

"I'm fine," Rainbow grunted as the barkeep slid a tall glass of ice cold lemonade to her. She took it in a hoof, careful not to pick it up for fear of dropping the beverage. "I just... wanted some peace and quiet to think."

"Through a straw?" Lyra asked.

"Sure, why not?"

"Cuz you could have gotten some peace and quiet at home, girl!" Lyra exclaimed, folding her forelimbs with a smirk. "Thing is, you came here. And you only ever came here because you wanted to do more than sulk."

"She's got a point, RD," Vinyl said, sliding her shades back on. "What's on your mind?"

"You can talk to us, Rainbow!" Bon Bon smiled sweetly. "We're your friends!" She blinked, her smile washing over with adorable confusion. "I think...?"

Rainbow swiveled on the stool. She glanced at all four muzzles, at their pleasant expressions in the dim lounge's light. At last, she sighed defeatedly, her ears drooping.

Water Holing

The second lemonade glass of the night rolled to a stop across the tabletop with a rattle of ice cubes.

“Thing is, I’m not in any worse straits than usual, y’know?” Rainbow Dash scooted her chair closer to the four ponies and grasped the glass with two hooves. She focused very hard so as not to tremble as she raised the thing to her mouth and took a sip from the straw. Then, after sucking in the sour taste, she leaned back and sighed. “Not enough bits rolling in? Constantly being threatened with eviction? All applications to the Wonderbolts being turned away?” She shrugged. “It’s all water off the back. Or, at least, it should be… it would be...” Her words trailed off.

All four ponies stared at her. Caramel leaned forward. “Only…?”

Rainbow’s nostrils flared. She slumped forward and pressed her chin to a forelimb. “I dunno. I guess I’m in a different mindset.”

“Well, you’ve certainly been hanging with a different crowd as of late,” Vinyl said while sketching a few more music notes. “It’s bound to change your outlook somewhat.”

“Yeah.” Lyra nodded with a smirk. “We’re jealous as Hell!”

”Lyra! Bon Bon hissed.

“Fine! Maybe just me!” Lyra swished what was left of her cider and remarked, “I’ve caught glimpses of you with your five new marefriends! You seem happy as all get-out! Nothing to be ashamed about, girl!” She took a sip, exhaled, and winked. “Just as I’m not even remotely ashamed to say I’m friggin’ jealous. Heck, if I found myself wading muzzle-deep in a cavalcade of squeaky-clean estrogenic sweetflankery, I’d be up in the clouds! And I wouldn’t even need wings!”

“Heh…” Vinyl’s lips curved. “Tell me about it.”

“They’re not marefriends!” Rainbow Dash snarled. “They’re just…” She sighed, her ears once again drooping. “Friend friends…”

Caramel raised his eyebrow at that. He glanced at Bon Bon. Bon Bon glanced at Vinyl who glanced at Lyra who glanced at her drooling reflection in the shot glass.

”What?!” Rainbow grunted.

“Well…” Caramel brushed a hoof through his silken mane.

“A part of you sounds… uhm…” Bon Bon squirmed. “Slightly disappointed.”

“In what?” Rainbow Dash asked. “In my friends? Pffft! My friends are perfect!”

“Evidently.” Lyra leaned back, her face relatively neutral. “They won you a ticket to the Gala, after all.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Just sayin’...” Lyra shrugged, smirking out the side of her muzzle. “Friends with benefits are beneficial indeed!”

“I’ll have you know that I’d leap into a burning volcano for Twilight and the others!” Rainbow growled, her wings flapping slightly as hard lines formed across her brow. “What would you even friggin’ care about the Gala anyway?”

“She wouldn’t,” Vinyl said with a sharp laugh. She adjusted her shades and smirked. “She just wants to sow chaos--the type that stains.”

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again!” Lyra cackled wickedly. “The first Gala that a mare sweeps another mare off her hooves on the ballroom in front of all those rich Canterlot yokels?” She aimed her hoof high and glided it down to the table while making a whistling sound, followed by a breathy “explosion.” She smirked. “I’m tellin’ you guys! Poetry in motion!”

“Poetry in a dungeon would be more like it,” Bon Bon muttered.

“Oh, I could go for that too!”

“Ungh…” Bon Bon rolled her eyes.

“I wish I could have gone to the Gala…” Caramel muttered, his eyes misty and sad.

“Awwwwwwww…” Lyra gulped down an ice cube, crunched it, and spoke in a muffled voice while patting the stallion’s shoulder. “Cheer up, princess. You’ll get to go someday. They just gotta invent a glass slipper in size ‘moron.’”

“Hardy har har…”

“For what it’s worth…” Rainbow sighed, glancing up at the group with dull eyes. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around lately.”

“Oh, it’s alright, Rainbow!” Bon Bon said with a sweet smile. “We know you’ve been busy doing your own thing.”

“But I haven’t been! Not r-really!” Rainbow swiveled the lemonade glass around in a pensive pattern. “I’m supposed to be a loyal pony… the loyalest pony.” She gulped. “That covers all my friends. Including you guys!”

“We’re happy to have you around in some way or another, Rainbow,” Vinyl said with a smirk, looking up from her music sheets. “So what if you’re not able to make it to every get together? Pffft. You’re probably better off.”

“Heh, that’s a fancy way of admitting we’re chopped daisies,” Lyra said.

Vinyl glared. “I was referring to her regular cider intake.”

“Oh, yeah. That. Good thing she’s rid of that.” Lyra shrugged before sucking whatever she could scrounge up from the leftover liquid in her glass.

“I know that a lot of years have gone by and I haven’t been all that talkative,” Rainbow muttered. “I kind of prefer to write out messages with my wings against the sky. Heh. But it’s more than that. I don’t want you all to think that… th-that I ever blamed you…”

“Blame us?” Bon Bon asked, blinking.

“You know…” Rainbow Dash bit her lip and glanced up with sad eyes. “For introducing me to Listing.” She sucked her breath in.

Caramel shivered, struggling at the last second to hide it.

“Eh… no need to bring up her name again,” Vinyl said. “She was the least snazzy member of our ‘club’ anyways.”

”She was never part of the club,” Lyra croaked.

“Oh come on, she was totally--”

“Listing Breeze was a walking miscarriage with wings and an ego. The royal guards should have shackled her and thrown her into the biggest pit of Tartarus before she was even born. Hell, even most of the monsters down there have a better temperament than she ever did.”

“Yeesh, a little harsh there, Lyra?” Bon Bon muttered.

“Well, this is Listing that we’re talking about,” Caramel said.

Bon Bon opened her mouth to protest, hesitated, and shrugged. “Okay. You got me there.”

“If we had all seen what Listing was capable of doing ahead of time, Rainbow, we would have bull-tackled her and hid her someplace where she wouldn’t have been capable of hurting anypony,” Vinyl said. She gulped and nervously added, “Like you.”

“Didn’t you guys hear me?!” Rainbow frowned. “I said I don’t blame you!” She sighed, relaxing back into her seat as she spoke into her lemonade. “I was my own worst enemy when it came to her. I was… a great deal stupider then. A lot less awesome. But, y’know what? Live and learn. I’m stronger and cooler now for having dealt with all the bumps in life. What’s the point in being a stunt flier if you can’t take hits every now and then, eh?” Rainbow smiled.

“Or every week,” Lyra said with a demented grin. “Or every Wednesday. Or--heck--after school each day once the final flight class was over--”

Bon Bon firmly pressed a hoof on Lyra’s shoulder.

The unicorn cleared her throat and stared into the tabletop.

Rainbow’s smile faded. After a few seconds of having a stare contest with the far wall, she grunted. “Yeah, well, buck it.” Rainbow Dash gulped down the rest of her lemonade.

“Heh… Buck it!” Vinyl raised her glass of cider.

”Buck it!” the entire table echoed.

Rainbow finished first, exhaling at the end of her intake. She wiped her muzzle and muttered, “I only look after myself these days. Oh… and my friends, of course.” She smirked.

“Yeah!” Caramel smiled. “It’s good to know that you’ve gotten over the past, Rainbow! I’d hate to think you were still a secretly clingy mare with untold amounts of insecure baggage!”

“Yeahhhhh…” Rainbow’s wincing expression pulled her head into a dumb nod. “So, how’s the operation coming, ‘Melody?’”

Caramel’s cheeks burned red. “I… erhm…” The stallion deflated in his seat. “I-I’m working on moving out of my folks’ house f-first.”

“Snkkkt--haah haah haah!” Lyra raspily laughed, slapping Caramel across the back. He winced as she wheezed forth, “Once in a tower, always in a friggin’ tower! Amirite?”

“Meh,” Vinyl meh’d.

“So tell us, Rainbow…” Bon Bon leaned forward with a gentle smile. “What really brings you to an old haunt like this tonight of all nights?”

“You… you wanna know?”

Everypony’s eyes locked with hers.

Rainbow groaned and ran a hoof over her face. “You won’t believe it, guys.”

“Try us, awesomeflanks.”

“Phweeeeeeeee…” Rainbow’s eyes peaked blearily from around the edge of her hoof. “I think I need to get a second job…” She gulped. “Again.”

Options Laid Out

“What’s wrong with kicking clouds?” Vinyl asked.

“Nothing!” Rainbow blurted, then winced. “And by that, I mean everything.”

“Huh?” Bon Bon blinked.

“Just something that Gilda used to say,” Rainbow murmured with a shrug. “‘If you really enjoy doing something, odds are you can’t make a living off of it.’” A frown crossed her blue muzzle. “Isn’t that a burn?”

“Tell me about it,” Lyra grunted.

“I mean, if you’re really into something…” Rainbow smirked briefly. “And if you’re wicked sick at doing it, then can’t it be something you can earn bits doing?”

“Perhaps you should…” Caramel smiled hopefully. “...kick bigger clouds?”

“Weather flying is a super ancient art, Caramel,” Rainbow grunted. “I don’t expect anypony else at this table to understand, but every pegasi worth their weight in feathers knows how to do it since foalhood. It’s only a select few who are--like--Celestia’s gift to meteorology.”

“I assume one is so gracious as to bless us with her presence today,” Lyra mused.

“Exactly!” Rainbow rattled the ice cubes in her glass. “If the Mayor suddenly wanted a tornado rolling through the western hills, I could drag together a bunch of clouds right now and whip one up in ten seconds f--” Rainbow stopped in mid-speech, then groaned. “Yeah, okay, even I’m getting tired of that.”

“If you ask me, you’re way too big for this town,” Vinyl said while continuing to sketch out her musical number. “You should consider upgrading to a new locale.”

“And what? Abandon all my best buds here in Ponyville?!” Rainbow Dash frowned. “I don’t know about you guys, but I kind of like it here. There are ponies who depend on me n’stuff.”

“You’re a swift pegasus, Rainbow,” Bon Bon said with a smile. “I’ve no doubt that you’d get around if you settled for a few days to work elsewhere.”

“Yeah. Move it on up, girl!” Lyra smirked. “I’m sure there’re places in the Canterlot Mountains that need weather checking on an hourly schedule!”

“I’ve tried them already!”

“So, what’s the problem?”

“They’re…” Rainbow winced, then sighed. “They’re not interested with ponies who only have a G.E.D,” she defeatedly muttered.

“General Equestrian Diploma? Really?” Bon Bon made a face. “They’re still hung up on that?”

“Truth is stranger than fiction,” Lyra muttered. “And oftentimes more impotent.”

“Well, you’ve got talents, Rainbow Dash!” Caramel said with a smile. “Just say a few of them out loud and you can see how easy it is to make yourself useful!”

Rainbow stared with a deadpan expression. “I can fly really, really fast.”

Caramel blinked.

Rainbow’s eyebrows became straighter than a razor.

With a slight flinch, Caramel shrugged. “So, maybe you should consider coaching for the Equestrian Games?”

“Unnnngh…” Rainbow slumped to the table, mooshing her blue face against the polished finish. “I’m sorry to have dropped a huge ball of lousy on ya guys. I’ll fix it all out. I just wish it wasn’t such a lame process to do find stuff that… I don’t know whether or not is lame.”

“Well, Rainbow, maybe you should try a historical perspective,” Vinyl said.

“Buh?”

“You once had a pretty killer job before.” Vinyl glanced up, smirking. “In fact, if I’m not mistaken, it’s the one good thing that came out of knowing Listing Breeze.”

“What, you mean weekends of crap and self-loathing?”

“No…” Vinyl shook her head and lifted the edge of her shades. “Deliveries.”

Rainbow blinked. Gradually, her muzzle scrunched into a vomitous grimace. “Ewwww… you mean--like--back with Banner Company?”

Vinyl nodded. “Baaaaaaaaack with Banner Company.”

“Ew! But that’s--Ew! Goddesses alive!” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “I’m still trying to get the smell of all those old homes I visited off me! I never wanted to relive those months again!”

“But it got you your first house, didn’t it?” Vinyl remarked. “And don’t forget the used ten year old chariot with light-weight wheels--”

“Oh for the love of--That was just a phase!” Rainbow barked. “Just like when I grew my mane long in high school!”

“I liked your mane when it was long,” Caramel said.

“Yeah, girl, I bet you did.” Lyra chuckled and turned towards Rainbow. “Face it, Dash, you were never one to let the world hand you stuff on a silver platter. We all know you’re at your best when you’re earning it.”

“Yeah, but Banner Company…?!”

“You know they’re always hiring. So what’s the friggin’ problem?!”

“The problem is that I wanna come home in the evening and still have the capacity to respect myself!”

“Fine, then!” Lyra shrugged. “You can have your respect!” She bit onto another ice cube, crunching it loudly before muttering, “Here’s hoping it can keep you warm on the street after you lose your home.”

“Unnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh…” Rainbow Dash groaned into the table.

“You know that making speedy deliveries is your simplest solution here, Rainbow,” Bon Bon said. “But, if it’s of any consolation, I can pay you a few hours a day to help me bake doughnutes!” The mare’s eyes twinkled.

Rainbow droned. “Banner Company it is…”

Epiphany Dash

“Good night, everypony,” the bartender droned from the open door to The Navel as he flipped the sign around to “closed.” “Have a safe trip home. Don’t wander too close to Everfree.”

“We’re alcoholics, Sam,” Lyra threw over her shoulder with a smirk. “Not mules.”

“Whatever.” He shut the door, locked it, and was gone. The neon lights flickered off, and a quiet hush fell over the streets as all five ponies trotted in various directions.

“Well, so long, everypony,” Caramel said with a wave. “Same time next week?”

“You know I don’t go anywhere else to get wasted,” Vinyl said as she shuffled her papers into her saddlebag and smiled. “Except for when I’m being creative, that is.”

“See ya, Caramel!” Lyra belched as she sauntered her way home in a serpentine fashion. “I’d walk a lady home, but, let’s face it, your folks scare me.”

“Grrrrrrrrr…” Caramel trotted off, his head hanging.

Bon Bon giggled. She turned towards Rainbow Dash. “You think you might drop by and hang out with us again sometime? It was nice getting to see you again for a change.”

“Pffft. What’s so nice about it?” Rainbow hovered limply before her and a streetlamp. “All I did was suck on lemonade and ramble about all of my troubles.”

Bon Bon suppressed another high-pitched laugh and merely smiled. “It’s refreshing to know that a pony like you needs help from time to time. It gives us less-awesome mares something to hope for.”

“Ha!” Rainbow grinned wickedly. “As if! I don’t need help, I need air! And lots of it!”

“Don’t you have it already?” Bon Bon asked with a blink. “The whole skies are yours, Rainbow Dash. What’s holding you down?”

“I’m not being held down, Bonnie! I just… got stuff to do here in Ponyville still!” Rainbow folded her forelimbs and stuck her nose up. “That’s all!”

Bon Bon looked around. The two mares were now alone beneath the buzz of the street lamp. She leaned forward and whispered, “Is it wing cancer?”

“No!” Rainbow barked, her voice echoing off the distant building faces and causing a dog to bark somewhere. “I most certainly don’t have wing cancer! Stop reaching!”

“I can’t help it!” Bon Bon said with a smile. “There’s just… something different about you…”

Rainbow blinked. “Different?”

“And I don’t know whether to be concerned or scared.”

“How about neither?” Rainbow gave a weak smile. “I’m fine, Bon Bon. You shouldn’t have to worry about me.” She slicked her mane back. “Nopony should have to worry about me. Sure, I’ve gotten myself in bad places every once in a while, but nothing I can’t handle. For real. I’m okay.”

Bon Bon raised an eyebrow.

Rainbow’s nostrils fumed. “Look, I’m just like any other mare. And like any other mare… I’m entitled to… erhm… have stuff on my mind!”

“Uh huh…”

“Stuff that I like to think about a lot!”

“Uh huh… ….”

“Stuff that…” Rainbow’s jaw clenched and unclenched. “...th-that makes me feel better when I’m lying in bed all by myself… and yet kind of makes me feel cruddy in the daylight.” She sighed heavily as her wings drooped a little. “Stuff that is stupid… stuff that I shouldn’t have anything to do with… stuff that… that is awesome, in its own way. But… I can never really have it. It would be nice… but it wouldn’t be right. And though I know I can live without… er… that stuff, I really just would like--if even for one day…” Her lips curved slightly. “...to hold that stuff close and not be ashamed of it.” She gulped dryly. “And screw all consequences, y’know?”

Bon Bon’s jaw dropped.

Rainbow Dash squinted at her. “What’s your problem?”

“You’re in love, aren’t you?” Bon Bon breathily exclaimed.

Rainbow Dash jerked as if she was slammed in the skull with a titanium pendulum. “Pfff-What?! Ohhhhhh please, Bon Bon! I am not--” Just then, her ruby pupils shrank. A pale expression wafted over her features, and she plopped down her petite rump right in front of the earth pony. Her lips quivered a bit, and then the truth flew out of her like the ghost. “I’m in love. I am in love.”

Bon Bon was silent.

So was Rainbow Dash, until a ridiculously girlish titter flew out of her muzzle. She folded her wings around her body, hugging herself as she leaned liquidly against the lamppost behind her. “Heeheehee… I’m in love!” Her dimples were briefly rosy, but all too soon lost their color with a final twitch to her eyes. Her ears drooped, and the next breath came in a guttural groan. “I’m in love.” She sighed and stared down at her hooves. “Horseapples…”

After an awkward pause…

“Well, that’s a good thing, r-right?” Bon Bon gave a nervous smile. “I mean… r-right?”

Rainbow Dash only bit her lip harder.

Bon Bon squatted until she was down to the pegasus’ level. “Does she know?”

Rainbow’s eyes darted to her.

Bon Bon smiled back. “I mean…” She shifted slightly. “We both know it is a she, right?”

Rainbow looked off towards the starry horizon. “She… she doesn’t know.” Her voice was dry as a bone. On wobbly legs, she stood back up, using her outstretched wings as fragile balance. “And… it’s best that it stay that way.”

“Awwwwww…” Bon Bon pouted. “But why? Who wouldn’t want to be with a pony as awesome with you?”

“Awesomeness has nothing to do with it, B-squared.” Rainbow smiled bitterly and drew her hoof across the air. “It all comes down to lines that can’t be crossed, and all of them straight.”

“Oh Rainbow--”

“I know what you’re thinking,” Rainbow grumbled. “‘Why do you do this to yourself?’”

“I wasn’t about to say that!”

“It doesn’t matter, really.” Rainbow sighed again and cast a limp glance aside. “She simply can’t find out.”

“And why’s that?”

The starlight glossed in Rainbow’s eye, then twinkled again after a brave blink. “Because I don’t want to st-stop loving her,” she murmured.

Nice and Easy

Either Rainbow Dash woke up before her alarm clock or she had somehow dreamt of it blaring. Whatever the case, she was already springing out of bed barely two milliseconds into its chime. Slapping the thing with her elbow, she twirled about the room, using the centripetal force of her spin to stretch and crack her limbs. She came to a sudden stop, delighting in the dizziness, and hovered before a mirror.

What she found was a smile, and for some reason it didn’t surprise her.

Humming, she twirled out of the bedroom and zipped into the kitchen for morning breakfast.

Rainbow Dash exited her house in a burst of warm air, startling the local mailmare as she hovered by the mailbox.

“Whoah!” Derpy gasped, her eyes rolling to a stand-still as she smiled vaguely in the direction of the speedy pegasus. “Good morning, Rainbow Dash!”

“Hey there, Derpy!” Rainbow sing-songed, lazily fumbling to tighten her saddlebags around her flank. “What’s up?”

“You know just as well as anypony that I can never tell anymore.”

“Heeheehee… well, you work on that, kay?” Rainbow winked.

“Wow… somepony’s in a chipper mood!”

“Why shouldn’t I be?” Rainbow grinned. “I had an awesome night’s sleep and I know exactly what I’m going to be doing with my day!”

“Oh! Well, that’s good, then!”

“You’re darn right, it’s good!”

“Say…” Derpy’s face scrunched up as she pointed at the front of the cloud home. “What’s with the ‘for lease’ sign, Miss Dash?”

“I’m being evicted!” Rainbow grinned. “Isn’t that cool?!” She waved and zoomed away in a burst of miniature thunder. “See ya, bubble-butt!”

“Heheheh… bubble-butt.” Derpy grinned and snapped her mailbag shut. “I gotta write that one down.” She turned around and slammed skull-first into one of Rainbow’s window panes. “Owch!”

“Hnnnngh!” Rainbow kicked three clouds in a row to bits, her body diving through the whole mess of them. She gathered whatever misty trails were left, folded them into a disc with her wings, and bucked it sky high. “Haaaugh!”

Candy Mane and Thunderlane were casually conversing in midair when--with a gasp--they found themselves having to dodge the cloudy projectile from below. The “disc” soared over their heads, ricocheted between two rain clouds, and burst through a thick dark cloud in the middle. Rain poured out the bottom like a bathtub’s leaking hole.

Rainbow Dash was already gliding beneath it, pushing a cloud that she had bucked into the shape of a hexagon. She spun the thing and then kicked it harshly with two hooves. “Yaaaah!”

The hexagonal cloud glided to a stop beneath the curtain of water. In spinning, it spread the collected drops like a sprinkler, thoroughly irrigating four separate patches of farmland stretched out for hundreds of yards below.

Rainbow Dash didn’t even have time to dust off her hooves. She was already darting left and right in the sky, dashing cloud after cloud, flipping and performing stunts between each impact for good measure. Every now and then, her voice would burst through the airwaves with little grunts, cheers, whistles, and chuckles.

Candy Mane and Thunderlane blinked, their heads craning about as they hovered in place, watching Rainbow’s every move.

“Uhhhh… Rainbow?” Thunderlane smiled nervously.

“We’ve been over this, haven’t we?” Candy Mane suppressed a giggle. “There’s really no need to go so fast about this.”

“Y’know, I’ve realized something!” Rainbow twirled down and paused just long enough to ruffle Thunderlane’s mohawk. “I’m not too fast!” She leaned forward. “You guys are just too slow!” She raspberried and shot up with another burst of air.

Candy Mane laughed at that, but Thunderlane was less than pleased. “You know, some of us remember that we’re being paid by the hour!”

“Pffffft! For what?” Rainbow soared overhead. “For cloud kicking?! Pegasi like you and me can do that in our sleep!” She burst through another bed of clouds and saluted while gliding past once more. “Maybe you should stop thinking so much about the numbers and a little more about the performance, or else you’re gonna have to do something really hardcore.”

“Uhhhh…” Thunderlane blinked. “Like what?”

“What else?” Rainbow twirled off, hunting down more clouds. “Find a new job!”

Thunderlane and Candy Mane gazed at Rainbow Dash, then exchanged glances. They both flinched, winced, and flew stupidly into each other. “Ooof!” Floundering, they kicked and bucked at the air before darting off in opposite directions, desperately searching for errant clouds left to thrash.

Rainbow glided eastward, smiling as she took her time in the crisp, early morning air. Having finished weather flying so early left the rest of the day open to her. So, without equal grace and daring, she flew towards a building in the center of Ponyville, located just two blocks west of Town Hall.

Touching down, she flapped her wings and landed on slightly wobbling legs. Clenching her teeth, she exhaled in relief, finding herself standing straight.

“Heh… didn’t even have to down a pill this morning.”

She gazed up, her eyes rolling in time with the sway of a guilded sign hanging in front of a distribution warehouse. In bright gold letters, the words “Banner Company” accompanied the wooden effigy of a prancing pegasus.

“Whelp…” Rainbow tilted her neck from side to side, crackling her joints. “Here’s to an easy day doing easy things.” With a deep breath, she trotted forward and pushed at the door. “Easy, girl. Be… nnngh… smart about this! Nnnngh!” She pushed and pushed harder on the handle. “It’s like… nnnngh… slipping into an old sports jacket! Just… nnngh… use your head… and e-everything will work out! You’ll get your old j-job back and… unnnnngh--come onnnnn you stupid door!”

A voice coughed behind her.

She froze in place, glancing past her shoulder.

A middle-aged stallion with a five o’clock shadow glared lethargically. A bright orange worker’s apron glittered in the morning sun across his plump figure. Without saying a word, he reached past Rainbow Dash and gripped the door’s handle. Pulling on it with meager grace, he opened the door, gave Rainbow a lazy eye, and trotted quietly inside.

Rainbow bit her lip, fighting the mother of all blushes.

“Yeah…” She shuddered, slithering her way quietly into the parcel center. “This is gonna be real easy…”

Tall Orders

“Mrmmmph…” A skinny clerk with bags under his eyes stood hunched-over at a desk, scribbling across a spreadsheet. “Name and destination, please…”

“Rainbow Dash.”

“Alright, Miss Rainbow, do you have the Equestrian Zip code for the town of ‘Dash?’”

“Hey…” Rainbow blinked. “Stamps.”

“Because we need specific details in order to send your package to where you want it to go,” the bony stallion grumbled. “If you paid attention on your way in, you would have noticed the instructions listed across the wall--”

“Stamps it’s me!” Rainbow exclaimed in a hoarse whisper. She leaned forward. “Ms. Awesomeness Extraordinaire! Remember!”

Stamps froze. Slowly, he looked up, blinking in the dim light of the hustling and bustling parcel center. “Hmmmm… either it’s really you, Rainbow Dash, or my hangover hasn’t gone away.”

“You should consider laying off the cider, bucko.” Rainbow grinned with a slight glare. “It’ll do wonders for your noggin’. Trust me.”

Stamps blinked. With a sigh, he leaned back and blew a lock of sandy brown hair out from over his brow. “After all these months… years?” He blinked wearily. “You come back to my office, and for what? To give me a lecture straight from Alcoholics Equestrian?”

“No.” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “I came looking for a job.”

Stamps raised an eyebrow. “A job…?”

Rainbow’s teeth glinted. “Yup!”

“Like as in… a delivery job…?”

“Yup yup yup!”

Stamps sighed, flexing his shoulder as he grumbled into his spreadsheet. “Now, why in the wide world of ponydom would I be dumb enough to fall for that?”

Rainbow’s teeth almost caved in with the sheer grimace she endured. “Huh?”

“There’s a reason why I never came crawling on my hooves and knees to get you to return after all these months, Rainbow,” Stamps said in a dull tone. “Quite frankly, things are a great deal more relaxing with you gone.”

“I know!” Rainbow leaned forward. “So let’s fix that!”

“Unnnngh… Rainbow, I have no positions available,” Stamps grumbled, looking up at the mare with cardboard eyes. “And even if I did, I certainly wouldn’t give one to you!”

“Why not?”

“You’re not exactly punctual--”

“I’ve shown up early for weather flying schedule everyday for the past consecutive eight months!”

“You get distracted too easily--”

“I’m a bearer of the Element of Loyalty!”

“And you and Listing would always take time to fly off and get distracted with nonsense--”

“I don’t know where Listing Breeze is anymore,” Rainbow grunted. “And, quite frankly, I don’t care to.”

Stamps squinted harder at her. “...you never wear the aprons.”

Rainbow fidgeted, glancing left and right. At last, with a nervous shudder, she said, “A mare can ch-change, right?” She gulped. “No matter the lameness she’s forced to go through.”

“Mmmf… You see? Right there.” Stamps pointed. “I can never fully read your attitude. It was always a problem before, Rainbow. The only reason I tolerated you was because--”

“Heads up!” a young stallion’s voice cracked as he dropped a brown package from a rolling crate in the background. Like a blur, Rainbow zooped around, scooped the package up, planted it back on the cart, and flew down in front of Stamps again--smiling--all in the span of two seconds.

“...you were fast as Hell.” Stamps shuddered. “Horseapples, girl! Do you ever get old?”

“Trade secret.” Rainbow leaned against his desk. “But I’m not here to give secrets, but instead services. Come on, Stamps…” She slyly blew her bangs out from before her forehead and smirked harder. “I’m giving you a golden opportunity here. I was the best you ever had, and I can be the best again… your best. Don’t forget who made you Top Supervisor of the Month three times in a row!”

Stamps blinked at her. “Either you’re a glutton for punishment or you’re starving for bits.”

“Eh heh…” Rainbow rubbed her hoof and pretended to examine it coolly. “I’m not one to back down from a challenge, no matter how crazy.” She cleared her throat, blushing slightly. “But yeah, the latter is kinda-sorta true. Eheh.”

“And since when were you the only mare in Equestria desperate for a job?”

“Since we both realized I was the only mare in Equestria who could earn those bits right?”

“Rainbow, let’s stop being juvenile for a second. This is the real world, after all.” Stamps sat up straight with a glaring expression. “It’s not like I’m about to miraculously toss a job opening at your hooves, just like that!”

“Hey Stamps!” A pony with a five o’clock shadow leaned into the office, panting for breath. “Our last chariot is busted and we gotta deliver to Trottingham before three o’clock!”

Stamps’ eyes twitched. He jerked towards Rainbow Dash like a wind-up golem. “Rainbow Dash, h-how’d you like to have a job at your hooves?”

“Oh please, Trottingham?” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Pfffft. I could fly to and from there twelve times before three o’clock in my sleep!”

“Don’t pretend that this is an opportunity to prove anything!” Stamps pointed. “The Mayor of Trottingham needs imported Dream Valley salt licks by mid-afternoon or I’m losing bits out my ear!”

“Yeesh, no wonder you’ve been hitting the cider so hard!” Rainbow Dash blinked wide. “You’ve been stressing this hard without me, huh?”

“Rainbow, I’m not joking here…”

“How about this…” Rainbow paced before the desk, flexing her wings. “Since you’re so desperate, I’ll be generous. I’ll do this sudden, last minute, miracle delivery for you…” She paused and squinted at him from over her blue shoulder. “At half the pay than when I last worked for you.”

Stamps mouthed those last few words in silence. After a second or two, his brow furrowed. “What’s the catch?”

“You agree to hire me on for the next three weeks at a starting pay.” Rainbow Dash turned towards him, grinning. “And assuming I prove myself to you today and the next three weeks--which I will--then we’ll take off where we left off.”

“You mean--”

“My previous salary. It’ll be like old times!”

“Who are you to dictate anything to me, ya over-seasoned turkey?!” Stamps growled. “You’re just an unemployed air trickster! You ditched Banner Company on your own volition!”

“I was going through hard times then, Stamps.”

“And what about now?”

“I’m doing awesome.”

“Rainbow Dash--”

“And I wanna share the glory!” Rainbow Dash leaned forward. “How about it, old bones? Those friggin’ licks aren’t getting any saltier!”

Stamps stared at her. He took a deep breath, scratched his muzzle, and sighed. “Fine.”

“Wooohooo!” Rainbow Dash backflipped.

“But on one condition!”

Rainbow Dash froze upside down in mid-air. She blinked. “Yeah…?”

Smirking, Stamps raised a yellow scrap of reflective canvas material. “You have to wear the apron.”

Rainbow’s body slumped straight down, pratfalling. An agonized second or two later. “D-deal...” her voice wheezed.

Speedy Delivery

Somewhere in Equestria, a place surrounded by lush green trees, a wealthy four-story manor stood beside a crystalline lake. Ponies in shorts and polo shirts trimmed the lawn and hedges. A maid or two trotted to and from a nearby storehouse with trays full of refreshments.

In the front driveway, a stallion wearing a finely-pressed tuxedo finished directing orders to a pair of landscape workers. As he turned to trot towards the property's storehouse, a thin shadow streaked across the bricklaid path.

"Huh?" He looked up, then jumped, startled. "Bloody hell!"

With a yellow blur, a pegasus landed, planting a pale cinderblock-shaped item in front of the storehouse.

"Young lady, what is the meaning of this?!" The butler galloped up, then did a double-take at the deposited item. "A... salt lick?" Jaw dropped, he gazed up and spoke in a thick but eloquent accent. "Could you actually be a representative of Banner Company?"

"Yup!" Rainbow Dash sweatily smiled, pulling and snapping back the yellow apron across her fuzzy chest. "I don't just wear this thing because I like directing traffic!"

"But... but..." The butler trotted in an anxious circles while blinking maidservants looked on. "Pray tell, where is your chariot?!"

"We've got something better than a chariot!" Rainbow's voice cracked.

"And that is...?"

"Me!" Rainbow winked and flapped her wings.

"But... but..." The butler was red in the face by this time. "This will not do! There're supposed to be twenty-nine more salt licks!"

"Count to sixty!" Rainbow hollered before rocketing towards the sky with enough force to knock the nearby landscapes onto their flanks. "I dare ya!"

"Now see here! Oomf!" The butler struggled back onto his hooves with assistance of the maids. He snarled at the yellow streak burning its way southwest. "My master's a paying customer and he deserves an explanation for this!"

"It's simple, really!" Rainbow Dash leaned back in the cottage's front room couch, dangling the loose yellow apron from her bouncing lower leg. "I need bits, and Banner Company can provide them! I used to work for them all the time—you remember that."

"Well, yes, I do," Fluttershy said with a nod from where she poured feed for a family of happy, hungry, hopping hares. "But... I thought the job was always... uhm..."

"What, simple?" Rainbow rested her head back on a pair of criss-crossing forelimbs. "Boring? Stiff? Dull?"

Fluttershy blushed slightly. "Well, all of the above, actually. If I remember correctly, you'd come home everyday complaining about how Banner Company was 'holding you back,' and that eventually you would break free and join the Wonderbolts."

"Hey! A mare dreams, Fluttershy! But a mare also needs bits!"

"What for? Aren't you doing well for yourself?"

"Pffft. Yeah, well, I could do better, y'know?"

"That can be said of anypony."

"True, but I gotta do better-better." Rainbow sat up. "And don't worry about the 'Simple, Boring, Stiff, and Dull stuff." She winked. "I got that covered."

Swooosh!

Rainbow darted back down onto the front lawn of the Trottingham manor, depositing another salt-lick onto a little pyramid that had formed in front of the storehouse. Several landscapers stopped what they were doing to gawk at the scene.

"Aaaaaaaand there ya go!" Rainbow Dash brushed the sweat from her brow. "That's eight so far! Thought I had given up on ya guys, huh?"

"That's all well and good," the butler muttered, his brow furrowed. "But you still have twenty-two more to deliver by—"

"Sorry! Can't hear you at the speed of awesome!" Rainbow shouted as she was already rocketing her way back south.

"Didn't even need a chariot on my first day back!" Rainbow Dash said with a smirk. She glanced out Fluttershy's front window. "Yup. Stamps should be thanking his lucky stars. I frankly don't know how he's been holding the warehouse up all these months without me around to lend him a hoof."

"I thought you two didn't get along that much," Fluttershy remarked.

"Eh, he's an okay stallion, but a little too by-the-books if you ask me."

"Sound like anypony we know?" Fluttershy said with a sly grin.

"Heh. Good point. If he put a violet streak in his mane and cut his bangs straight, then maybe we'd get along better."

"Maybe he was never a fan of your wreckless attitude."

"Huh?!" Rainbow Dash sat up straight, blinking. "Heeheehee!" she wiped her eyes dry as she giggled. "Fluttershy, I can appreciate you being frank with me!"

"Uhm... s-sorry?"

"But come onnnn!" Rainbow rolled her eyes and giggled some more. "Me? Wreckless?"

"Aaaaaaaand..." Rainbow hovered down to the lawn, balancing a salt lick on her nose while grasping another in two hooves. "Two more, fillies and gentlecolts!" She tossed the brick off her nose, flipped it, and landed it atop the second as she stacked both neatly across the growing pyramid. "Ha! I bet Clotopatra couldn't have done it better!"

Several landscapers and maidservants who had gathered by the scene clapped and cheered.

"Enough!" the butler growled, scribbling off his clipboard. "You've done well so far, but you're running out of time!"

"And you're running out of mane!" Rainbow stuck her tongue out and ascended on flapping wings. "Chillax, Jeeves, I've got this!" She turned and leaned down to wink in one maid's face. "Celestia alive, girl, could your skirt be any shorter?"

The maid blushed while the mare beside her giggled.

The butler cleared his throat.

"Zoop!" In a thunderous burst of air, Rainbow throttled herself south.

"I swear!" Rainbow Dash stifled a yawn and leaned back in Fluttershy's couch. "This first day was an absolute breeze! I must have knocked out those twenty-seven salt licks in less than two hours!"

"Huh?" Fluttershy suddenly perked up, her ears twitching nervously.

"Yup! I've got this deal in the bag! If Stamps doesn't take my offer, he's a total featherbrain! I don't care if he doesn't have any wings!"

"Uhm... Rainbow Dash?"

"Maybe I can even talk him out of enforcing the stupid, fru-fru apron—"

"I thought you said there were thirty salt-licks in today's delivery."

Rainbow Dash's eyes crossed. Shaking her muzzle, she stood straight up, gazing at the clock on the wall. "Snap crackle poop." With one hoof, she tossed the apron up, then forward-flipped through it. She landed on the floor with the apron on, tied it tight, and burst out the front door of the cottage. "ThanksforthetalkFlutters! Gottagobyebyeeee!"

Rainbow Dash roared over the neatly trimmed hedges of the manor's front lawn. Landscapers had to grab onto their hats to prevent them from being blown off.

Panting, sweating, Rainbow Dash nevertheless afforded a grin as she levitated down and hoisted three heavy salt licks onto the very top of the pyramid.

"Here... you... g-go..." She touched down and wiped her brow. "Nothing like delivering half the salt of Equestria in the noonday sun with an entire continent melting beneath me." She gulped and flashed a damp look at the butler. "How am I doing? Did I melt the records or what?"

"You finished with..." The stallion's eyes narrowed on his pocket-watch. "Hmmm..." His muzzle tightened and untightened. "Forty minutes to spare."

Several servants cheered and whistled all around the front lawn.

The butler rolled his eyes. "Yes yes, quite the accomplishment for one mare without a chariot, I agree. But let us not be uncouth." He turned to face her. "A good delivery is simply that, a good delivery. No need for showing off—" His eyes bulged.

Rainbow Dash was juggling three weed whackers in the air using only her wings. "Come on! Come on! I'm begging for it!"

Grinning, a landscaper tossed another lawn tool.

"Aaaaaaaaaand four, ladies and gentlecolts!" Rainbow Dash shouted to resounding applause. All four weed whackers blurred through the air. "Hah! Somepony! Quick! Toss bushes over my head and I'll trim your garden for you while I'm at it!"

The butler whistled shrilly, summoning silence from the group. "Can you please cease this riotous display of jocularity?"

"S-sorry!" Rainbow Dash held her breath, squatted low, and caught all four instruments neatly in outstreched limbs. The landscapers picked it up as she stood tall with a guilty smile. "I got straight-A's in Jocularity 101." She gulped. "Before I dropped out of flight school, that is..."

"Why am I not surprised?" The butler shuffled over. "Right. Let us sign your order, and I'll be swift about delivering your proprietor's check through the mail."

"Awesome sauce!" Rainbow reached into her apron and grabbed a clipboard. "Let's just scribble right on the dotted line! Uhm..." She fiddled around, hooves running all over her yellow pockets. "I know I put a pen here somewhere..."

The butler stared with lethargic eyes.

With a sigh, Rainbow Dash slumped, then turned aside with a wing outstretched. "Okay. Make it quick."

"Hrmmm..." The stallion smiled. "I see you're as generous as you are swift." He reached forward and clasped his teeth over a feather.

"Yeah, well, don't spread it around. Totally the wrong element—" Plink! Her face grimaced as her eyes watered. "Augh! Dammit, Jeeves!"

The air filled with the maids' giggles yet again.

An Apple a Day

Rainbow Dash stood in her apron, smiling.

Stamps sat at his desk in the front office of the Banner Company warehouse in Ponyville. He stared steadily at the order on Rainbow’s clipboard with the elegant signature at the bottom of the sheet. He wasn’t alone. Several other clerks had gathered around to stare over Stamps’ shoulder, their eyes locked in disbelief on the logged time of the signature. A few deliverers had also stopped to hover about and gawk.

Rainbow tongued the inside of her mouth. She leaned towards her left, towards her right, then forwards and backwards. She started to hum lightly.

Stamps opened his mouth, hesitated, and closed his muzzle shut again. He rubbed his chin in thought.

“It…” A delivery worker muttered. He cleared his throat and continued, “It’s a new Company record--”

“I know that it’s a Company record, Brown Weight!” Stamps spat.

“And she didn’t even have a chariot--”

“What am I, blind?!” Stamps pointed an angry hoof towards the metal shelves lining the back end of the warehouse. “Don’t you have some friggin’ deliveries to get to?! Move it! Everypony! Move your flanks!”

With a muffled commotion, the entire staff spread apart, shuffling back to their tasks at hoof. In passing, they gave Rainbow incredulous glances, some of them smirking and murmuring in awe.

Rainbow’s blue dimples bulged even more. She took a deep breath, composed herself, and leaned towards the desk. “Soooooo--”

“Unnnnnnghhh…” Stamps slumped back in his chair, groaning towards the ceiling. “I’m too friggin’ old for this.” He glared up at her. “I swear, if you’re gonna be death of this company--”

“Then it’d be a profitable death for everypony who owns Banner!” Rainbow said with a cheekish grin.

Stamps licked the roof of his mouth. “Huh… uh huh… huhhhhhh…” Exhaling through his nostrils, he slapped the clipboard down and brought a pen to his spreadsheet. “Mmmmmmghhh… you’re back in business.”

“Wooo-hoooo!” Rainbow Dash instantly did a double-backflip before the desk.

“But!” Stamps leaned forward, shaking the pen in the crook of his hoof. “If you so much as show up late for work one time or rain chaos and thunder on a client’s house or cause any single or multiple number of shenanigans--”

“Hey! I hear ya clearer than a crystal violin!” Rainbow hovered in place, beaming wide. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, Stamps Champs! I’m a changed mare! You’ll see!” She held a hoof over fuzzy chest and tilted her muzzle proudly ceilingward. “I’ve been… y’know… friggin’ baptized by the cleansing waters of friendship n’jazz!”

“What the buck ever,” Stamps grunted, finishing a penstroke. “Radar!”

A pudgy little stallion obligatorily wearing glasses shuffled up. “You called, sir?”

“You still got the overnight package for Skybreak Point?”

The young pony hoofed the cardboard box into view. “Yes, sir! Can we finally send it en route?”

“If by ‘we’ you mean ‘she’ then yes.” Stamps nodded across the desk. “Be sure to give it to she, he… erm…”

“I think he gets it.” Rainbow Dash reached over and grasped the package in two hooves. “And now I got it.” She balanced it on her spine and winked. “Got it?”

“Good. Now get your smug face out of my sight so I can weep into my order confirmation sheets.”

“Heehee! You bet, boss McBoss pony!” Rainbow saluted and glided swiftly for the front door. “I won’t let you down! This is gonna be the easiest week of your life! Consider the load officially taken off you and your company’s shoulders!”

“Yeah, but at what cost?” Stamps grumbled.

“Awwww! What kind of an attitude is that?” Rainbow flung the door open and darted out. “See ya yesterday!” And she was gone.

The door closed behind her.

Rainbow Dash took a deep, deep breath…

...and collapsed.

Thankfully, her elbows caught her fall, and she was able to balance herself before she could drop the fragile package off her shoulders.

Wincing, the mare hissed through her teeth and tried standing up. Her knees buckled, and she only slumped even more.

“Nnnnghhh…” She reached into her apron and pulled out two things: a container of pills and a flask of water. Popping one tablet into her mouth, she swallowed it down with three gulps of liquid and exhaled into the sunny air. Seconds passed, and her lips slowly curved. She stared up at the sparkly blue sky. “Hmmmm… I got this. I totally… totally got this.” She glanced at the capsule, juggled it, and easily caught it. “Like an apple a day.”

Silence.

Rainbow Dash giggled. “Yeah…” She giggled again. “An apple a day!” Smiling… beaming to herself, she pocketed the items away, grasped the package between two strong hooves, and took towards the sky on briskly flapping wings.

Appledashery

A lot of you may be wondering when this story ends... or if it even has an end.

Truth is, the story is something that was lived--lived by Rainbow Dash, with each waking day and dawning hour. It's a story that she lived alone for so long and with such precious thoughts, even when she was surrounded on all sides by dear companions. If it ever ended, I can't even pretend to say. I like to think that, much rather, it changed, mutated, blossomed into something else. Whatever the case, it's always the same story, just... lived differently.

It's such a daring thing to be loyal, to commit so much of yourself to others without expecting anything in return. That's not to say that Rainbow was completely selfless, of course, but she certainly wasn't a mare who asked for things. If nothing else, the goals in life were things that Rainbow could only ever see herself as earning. To make a request--no matter how simple--was tantamount to begging in that brash pegasus' perspective. That meant, of course, that she was the epitome of strength and perseverance in the eyes of her friends.

But it also meant that she went on wanting in life for a long, long time. Her whole life, her entire well-being wouldn't change until the day she realized how simple it was. Until then, it was quite the endurance run, a long haul in the truest sense of the term. And there were moments when Rainbow Dash thought that she had gotten her wings even in the air.

As fate would have it, time and time again, the wind would be taken out of her feathers. The interesting thing is that, half of the time, she simply gave that wind away, even if it meant a greater struggle, a longer exercise of endurance.

But when it came to the ones whom Rainbow Dash truly, deeply loved, no cost was too high...

==Part Three: Trouble on the Farm==

==Part Three: Trouble on the Farm==

”And if we don’t get Granny’s hip replaced soon, she might be stuck with havin’ to use a miniature carriage or some other form of wheels permanently.” Applejack took a deep breath, gazing into the fluttering rose bushes that lined the cobblestone pathway. “Her body has taken such a toll on her throughout the years. Of course, she never fusses about it, ‘cuz she’s tryin’ to keep a strong face for the rest of the family. But I can see it in her face: she’s sufferin’. We’ve gone on for far too many years, puttin’ the extra expenses on the farm without so much as payin’ her back for all of her loyalty and commitment.”

“Jeez, AJ…” Raindow Dash exhaled, hovering above where the mare sat on the edge of the Diamond District in upper Canterlot. The sun was setting on the day after the Gala, casting a golden sheen over the polished granite walls and immaculate rooftop shingles. “I knew that getting old sucks, but when it’s somepony you know and care about…?”

Applejack nodded. “Granny’s always been so strong. That’s what makes it so darn miserable seein’ her fall apart after all these years. And it’s not just her health.” Gulping, the mare adjusted her hat and gazed up at the Equestrian expanse looming beneath the bowers of Canterlot. “She’s worried somethin’ awful about the farm.”

Silence.

Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. She hovered lower as she muttered, “Doessssssssssss she have something to be worried about?” Her eyebrow arched in curiosity.

“Oh, Rainbow, it’s nothin’ for ya to get yer windy head all wrapped around.” Applejack waved a hoof, putting on a courageous smile. “Runnin’ a farm ain’t exactly no vacation. There’s always bound to be some bump or another around the bend, and each passin’ year is no different from the one before it. We’ve managed before and we’ll manage again!”

Rainbow’s brow furrowed. “If you ask me, Applejack, I’d say you were getting dangerously close to cracking your Element in half!”

Applejack flashed her hovering friend a frown. “I am so bein’ honest! The Apple family and I are totally gonna pull through the next two apple buck seasons!” She then took a deep breath, shuddering, her eyes distant and dull. “Somehow…”

Rainbow Dash blinked. “What’s really going on, Applejack?” She planted a hoof over her fuzzy chest. “You can tell me.”

“Oh Rainbow…” Applejack slumped on folded hooves, gazing forlornly into the burning sunset. “It just ain’t proper conversation for spendin’ a lovely afternoon like this with one’s best friend.”

Rainbow Dash smirked. “Wanna try me?”

“Please, sugarcube…”

“What? You think I’m not brave enough to take it?”

“Huh?!” Applejack squinted up at her. “Heck, no!”

“Then let ‘er rip, girl!” Rainbow Dash stopped flapping her wings so that she could plop down before the farm filly. “I’m all ears!”

“Pffft… ‘thick fuzzy ears’ are more like it.”

“Yeah, well, they’re your friend’s ears all the same.”

Applejack bit her lip. She looked at Rainbow, at the sunset, then at Rainbow again. After a deep breath, she spoke, and it was in a low tone. “It… it ain’t good, Rainbow.”

“Oh?” Rainbow cocked her head aside. “Define ‘ain’t good.’”

Applejack opened her mouth, hesitated, and eventually sighed. “Things have been pl-plum awful this year and the one before last, Rainbow. What, between Big Mac bein’ injured, the parasprite infestation, and now the Gala bein’ a bust…” Applejack’s eyes watered slightly. “I don’t want the other girls knowin’ about this, but--at the rate which things are goin’ downhill--I fear that… that I may have to sell half the land.”

Rainbow’s jaw dropped. “Half of Sweet Apple Acres?”

Applejack gulped hard. “Or all of it…”

Rainbow Dash hovered still in the bright sunlight. Her face was long, sad, and contemplative.

Slowly, she tilted her head down towards her apron’d body.

A cardboard box lay in her hooves, and the name on it read “Apple Smith.”

The pegasus took a deep breath, two, then thrusted her head up. She was smiling bravely, a very plastic yet cockeyed smirk. With wings flapping, she descended on Sweet Apple Acres to deliver the package. She landed on the farm house’s front stoop, knocked on the door, and waited in a low hover.

At last, the door opened, and Apple Bloom stared out. Her amber eyes widened, and she gasped, “Hey! Rainbow Dash! How ya doin’?”

“Heeeeeeeeeey… just fine, ya little scamp! I got a package to deliver!”

Apple Bloom blinked, then made a face. “What the hay are you doin’ in that schmancy raincoat.”

“It’s not a raincoat,” Rainbow Dash grumbled. “It’s more like a yellow funeral suit.”

“Huh…?”

”Ahem.” Rainbow Dash leaned forward. “Is… uh… one of the grown-up apples around?”

“What, you mean like Granny or Big Mac?” Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. “Pffft!” She smiled and motioned into the house. “Come on in, Rainbow! I’ll fetch one of them! They can’t be hard to fine! Besides…” She waddled down the middlemost hallway. “...t’ain’t like an Apple pony to abandon this here farm!”

Rainbow Dash floated into the room, trying to keep ahold of her fractured smile. “Yeah… that totally wouldn’t be like you guys at all…”

Part Three: Trouble on the Farm
(Where Rainbow Dash Shares in the Sweat and the Dirt)

Where the Heart Is

A handsome stallion and a red-headed mare stood side by side in front of a farmhouse. They smiled calmly while two foals--a young colt and a baby foal--clung to their strong legs atop the porch deck. The mare held one hoof out, cradling an infant with a sprout of crimson mane hair.

“And just where’ve ya been, Rainbow?”

“Hmmm?” Rainbow blinked back to reality. She pivoted away from the family photo and gazed down at Apple Bloom in the middle of the Apple Family living room. “Whazzat?”

“I haven’t seen you in the skies lately!” Apple Bloom remarked with a curious smirk. “Just where’ve you been off to? Them clouds seem awful lonely without you bein’a round to kick ‘em!”

“Heh… Been doing grownup stuff, kiddo,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Grownup stuff?!” Apple Bloom’s amber eyes went crooked. “You, Rainbow Dash?!”

“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash said, then blinked. Her eyebrow lifted. “Yeah…?” She over the package in her gift. “Is there something wrong with that?”

“Well, I always figured you were too plum awesome to bother with boring stuff!” Apple Bloom trotted gaily across the room. “Scootaloo’s goin’ on and on about how each day yer always ‘shreddi’n up the skies’ and ‘kickin’ thunderstorms into a burnin’ blaze of glory’ or some nonsense.”

“Yeah, well, too much coolness would make the sky freeze, now wouldn’t it?” Rainbow Dash smirked and pulled at the hem of her yellow apron. “Besides, a mare’s gotta do what a mare’s gotta do, from time to time.”

Apple Bloom paused in the doorway to the rear porch, eyebrow raised as she gazed quizzically back at Rainbow. “You mean directin’ traffic?”

“Huh?!” Rainbow’s muzzle scrunched up. “I… it… that… No!”

“Heehee! Whatever you say, Rainbow.”

“Look, kid, I’d love to chat, but I really gotta get your big sis or big bro to sign this--”

“They’re out workin’ in the fields right now. I’ll go fetch them!” Apple Bloom waddled out the back door, letting the screen shut behind her with a slap. “Just make yerself at home!”

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to protest. She shuddered, floating in a limp fashion, looking around at all the walls as if they were going to cave in.

It was a rare thing to be inside the Apple Family home. Rainbow had brushed through the interior a few times while checking in on her farm filly friend, but this was the one time she had gotten a chance to levitate in the center of it, encompassed by its rustic foundation and crossbeams. The place had a musky smell, as if it had inhaled and exhaled decades of every dust known to ponydom. And yet, there was something remarkably clean about it, as if the ponies who dwelled there--simply by living the shapes and contours of the place in--had somehow cleansed it of all the chaff.

Rainbow glanced left and right, noticing frame after frame of family photos. The sheer scale of all of Applejack’s relations--both distant and close--utterly flabbergasted her. She saw ponies from Manehattan, Stalliongrad, Fillydelphia, and even a few from Baltimare. Every other pony carried the same tell-tale freckles, but the one true commonality between the relatives was that none of them featured wings or horns.

“Hmmm… I guess it’s true what they say,” Rainbow Dash murmured aloud as she hovered past a row of pictures, package in her grasp. “Earth ponies are the stickiest.” She smiled, contemplating on all the skies that pegasi had at their disposal… and the sheer distance that it afforded them. The sound of her own flapping wings turned louder, and she suddenly felt very lonely.

Thus, it was with a shock that the door swung open, startling Rainbow.

“For the last time, Big Macintosh, we can’t be share-croppin’ with no Radish Ranchers!” Applejack grumbled. “Judgin’ from the way they messed up their western crops last winter, they ain’t in the business of preparing for the changin’ seasons! So I ain’t havin’ none of them near our land! I don’t care how desperate we are--” She skidded to a stop, jerking so hard that her hat flew off. “Land’s sakes!” With bright eyes flickering a glossy green, she gulped. “Rainbow! Apple Bloom said that we had a delivery pony! The lil’ filly said nothin’ about you bein’ here…”

“Errrrr… th-there’s a reason for that,” Rainbow Dash shrugged, trying her best not to look at Applejack’s sweat-glistening coat, bright freckles, or freshly tousled mane.

Applejack squinted. “Wait a tick… are…” She pointed at Rainbow and her apron. “Are you…?”

“Here!” Rainbow darted down to the mare’s hat. “Lemme get that--”

“No!!” Applejack practically shouted.

Rainbow jolted backwards, almost toppling over an old vase full of flowers.

Applejack had leapt on her hat as if it as a live grenade. She gulped, then chuckled nervously. “I’ve been… uh…” She scooped it up with great care and tipped the thing onto her scalp. “I’ve been workin’ mighty hard on the orchards all day, and I’ve gotten this thing mighty sweaty. It… uhm… wouldn’t be proper, ya hear?”

“Uhhhhhh s-sure!” Rainbow Dash smiled nervously. “I hear!”

“Yeah… uhm…” Applejack fidgeted. “Nice apron.”

“Pfft, yeah, as if--” Rainbow Dash’s eyes twitched. She stared ardently at Applejack. “You… r-really think so?”

“AJ?” Big Mac thundered into the room. “I know the Radish Family have made an awful bunch of mistakes in the past, but they could use our help as much as we could use theirs. Besides, wouldn’t it be neighborly to--” Big Mac saw Rainbow Dash and froze like a crimson ice-sculpture, his eyes locked on hers like a deer in a spotlight.

“Uhhhh… hey there, Mac Attack!” Rainbow Dash waved.

“...” Big Mac practiced still life.

Applejack cleared her throat. “Big Macintosh, we have company.”

He inhaled. Exhaled. “Eeyup.”

“Didja know that Rainbow was workin’ the town’s delivery routes?”

Still frozen. “Eenope.”

Rainbow’s brow furrowed in perplexity.

Applejack rolled her eyes and nudged Big Mac in the side. “Take five, Big Mac. Why don’tcha go see if Fluttershy finished with the medicine for the hogs?”

“Ahem…” Big Mac slowly trotted away. “Eeeyup.”

Once he was gone, Rainbow Dash hovered closer to Applejack. “He… uh… he’s a regular Gettysbuck Addresser.”

“Depends on who he’s addressin’.” Applejack tilted her hat back. “So, Miss Speedy Delivery...”

“Hardy har har…”

“Reckon I need to sign for something.”

“Yeah, then I’ll be out of your hair.”

“Pfft…” Applejack smirked. “You say that as if yer a nuisance or somethin’, Rainbow!”

“I… uhm… er…” Rainbow took a shuddering breath, avoiding Applejack’s eyes again.

“Somethin’ wrong? I think that apron’s ridin’ you the wrong way.”

“I just… c-can’t afford to be distracted for too long, Applejack.”

Applejack squinted at her. “Distracted?”

“Busy schedule and all that!” Rainbow Dash said, her smile big and fractured. She tried not to sweat. She tried.

Applejack stared at her for a long while, then shrugged. “Whatever. I’d be a dag-blame’d fool if I did anythang to hurt yer job. C’mon now.” She motioned as she trotted into the kitchen. “I think I left the family pen in here somewhere.”

“Family… pen?” Rainbow blinked as she levitated after her. “You mean you guys only keep one between the four of you?”

“Apples ain’t like writin’ a novel everyday.”

“Heheh…” Rainbow’s voice cracked. “I’ll take your word for it.”

None of that Sass

Applejack gripped the pen tightly in her jaws as she took a full half-minute to lay out her name in immaculate cursive across the bottom of the delivery order.

"Wowsers, Applejack," Rainbow's voice cracked. "Who knew you could get all fancy with your letters?"

"Mrmmfy mffr mffr... Nnngh..." Applejack dotted at the end of her name and spat the pen onto the kitchen counter. "Ptooie! Hardy har har, Rainbow." She rubbed her muzzle and leaned back against the sink. "Just because I buck apples all day doesn't make me any less educated or refined than the next pony."

"I-I didn't mean anything nasty by it!" Rainbow exclaimed, clutching the clipboard to her chest.

"Well, good." Applejack smirked and tilted her hat back. "Cuz I can't imagine them folks yer workin' for payin' ya to sass the clients!"

"Jeez, what's with you and that 's' word, anyways?" Rainbow frowned as she slid the clipboard away. "Take the first letter off, and you've got what you sound like each time you use it."

"I'm just pullin' yer tail feathers, sugarcube."

"I don't have tail feathers, AJ," Rainbow grunted.

"Ya know what I mean." Applejack then squinted. "If ya don't mind me askin', just why are ya doin' the whole apron-fly-by thang anyways?"

"What?" Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Don't act like you haven't seen me in the delivery business before."

"Sure, but that was—what—two years ago? A year and a half?" Applejack played with her bangs just beneath the brim of her hat. "Seems to me that—once we all settled into Twilight's delightful little posse and all—you gave up all the borin' stuff and just started chasing your dreams."

"Yeah, well, let's just say I had to wake up," Rainbow said, her ears drooped as she avoided the farm filly's gaze. "Just a little..."

"Ya doin' alright for yerself, sugarcube?" Applejack asked, eyebrow raised. "Ya ain't starvin' for bits, are ya?"

"Hah! Who, me?" Rainbow Dash swiftly put on smug airs. "I'm the last pony you should ever be worried about, Anxiousjack!"

"Didn't say nothin' about being worried, darlin'—"

"I'm just savin' up for something gnarly, that's all!" Rainbow rubbed her hoof and pretended to examine it. "Yup. Got my eyes set on something radical and I figured getting a second job to cover things would be pretty smexical."

Applejack's eyes twitched. "Pretty what?"

"Smexical! Pfft. I don't blame you for not knowing what it means. I just made it up!" Rainbow slicked her mane back. "That's how confident about how awesome things are going!"

"Oh! Well... erm..." Applejack tapped her hoof against her muzzle and smiled awkwardly. "I'm... plum glad that you're in such a good spot!"

"Dang straight! It's a good time to be alive!" Rainbow Dash exhaled, her eyes finally falling on Applejack. She stared for a little too long, and inevitably something warm inside her melted. "Yeah... so... very good... and alive..."

Applejack stared back.

Rainbow snapped out of it. "Whelp! Best be going!" She spun about with a flick of her tail-hairs and zoomed towards the nearest window.

"Rainbow... you forgettin' something, sugarcube?"

"Huh?" Rainbow braked in midair, blinking innocently over her shoulder. After a few seconds, she became aware of the weight in her forelimbs. Blushing, she floated limply back towards the middle of the kitchen and neatly deposited the cardboard box down. "Eheheheh... I guess you kinda/sorta did sign for this, didn't ya?"

Applejack nodded with a smirk. "No sense in gettin' you fired on your first week back to doing the age-old rounds, eh?"

"Nope." Rainbow shuddered. "Thanks, AJ."

"Heh, don't mention it."

"Must be a whole lot easier... y'know..." Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Working for yourself all the time."

Applejack smiled. She opened her mouth to speak, but lingered. Slowly, her grin faded.

Rainbow Dash looked steadily at her. Her eyes curved with concern, and she tried to keep her voice deep and strong as she squeaked forth, "You are... doing okay for yourself, aren't you?"

Applejack sighed, and her next smile was a weak one. "We've had better apple buck seasons, Rainbow, to be perfectly honest. But don't you fret none. Me and Macky and Granny are gonna pull on through."

Rainbow Dash fought a lump down her throat and nervously grinned. "Hey! Wh-who's worried? After all, you're used to pulling yourself back up by your horseshoe-straps, r-right?"

"And, odds are, these are just that," Applejack said as she gave the box a little shape.

"What, silly analogies?"

"Horseshoes," Applejack uttered. "Big Mac's been needing some for the longest time. With a bunch of new ones, he can pull his weight at least twice as fast. Reckon that'll give us the edge that we need. Well, him, anyway."

"But... but I thought..." Rainbow winced. "Er, I mean, with what we talked about back at Canterlot... about your financial situation and all..."

"Yeah...?"

"I mean, can you really afford to invest in the new shoes?"

"Well..."

"And if so much rides on Big Mac, then why'd you let him run off to Fluttershy's place for the medicine?" Rainbow shrugged. "I'm making good time today. I could zip on over to her cottage and make the delivery myself, y'know!" She smiled. "Totally free of charge—"

"Quite frankly, right at this moment..." Applejack turned to give Rainbow a tired glance. "Big Macintosh could use all the fellowship and enjoyment he can afford." She took a deep breath. "Matter of fact, we all could."

Rainbow's ears drooped. Her muzzle twitched as she said, "AJ...? How... just how bad is—"

"You'd best be zippin' along to yer next delivery, Rainbow." Applejack trotted over and placed a hoof kindly on the petite pegasus' shoulder. Her lips curved as she said, "If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not repeat too much of the conversation we had on the weekend of the Gala. It was a very good gab, and I'm glad you were there for me to lean on, but... well..." She sighed. "You remember how much of a blubbering mess I was, don'tcha?"

Rainbow stared at her. Rainbow flinched. "Why... y-yeah! Totally! Of... course I do..."

"Life's simple, Rainbow." Applejack tilted her hat back and smirked. "I'm strong when I'm at my strongest." She let loose a sight chuckle, like the knifing precipice of a guffaw, and her country-clean eyes lit up. "Now git! I've got me some apples to buck, and thank you mighty kindly for deliverin' Big Macintosh's horseshoes all good and proper."

"Hey... uhm..." Rainbow Dash nodded limply as she floated backwards out of the kitchen. "Don't mention it..."

"I'll be sure to catch you and the girls soon. Just... no time for Sugarcube Corner sessions." Applejack trotted into the light, the screen door slapping shut behind her. "Not this week..."

With a shuddering breath, Rainbow Dash forlornly flew out the nearest window and glided towards the heart of town.

Chariots of Dash

Three deliveries, a lunch break, and a long-distance flight later, Rainbow Dash came in for a broad landing on the front of a familiar lawn. Behind her flapping wings, a brown chariot with gold paint glided to a stop on squeaky wheels. The carriage was filled to the brim with white blocks, all strapped tightly to the Banner Company vehicle.

"Whew..." Rainbow Dash wiped her brow and aired out the apron clinging to her sweaty chest. "Sheesh! Why does Trottingham have to be out in the middle of Celestia-forsaken nowhere?!" She smirked towards the ponies shuffling towards her from the stagecoach garage. "I guess they named it after the fact that you gotta trot a million miles to get there!"

"And, I assure you, it's worth it for our tea and biscuits alone." The butler approached, his nose upturned, as two other servants flanked him. "Your swift service is once again appreciated, Miss Dash. But, please, keep the chatting to a minimum. My master does not pay your company for your sass."

"Again with that word!" Rainbow cackled as she slid the clipboard out of her pastel-colored vest. "Seriously, am I missing something?! It's hard to pick up dictionaries when you're flying miles past the speed of awesome!"

"Do not worry..." The butler took the clipboard and dutifully scribbled his name across the bottom. "I'm certain your exceptional degree in Equestrian basic education will more than make up for the communication gap."

"Heh... cute one, Jeeves. I'll give you an 'H' for effort."

The stallion sighed into the work order. "I rest my case..."

Rainbow glanced sideways at the servants as they trotted up and started unpacking the blocks, one at a time. "Say, what does your boss need so many salt licks for, anyway?"

"That's hardly any of your concern," the butler droned.

"I'm simply curious!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "Is that a huge ditch I see you guys digging in the back of the manor? I figured with enough water, he could dump in all these salt licks and make himself his own ocean! Somepony raising an orca farm?" Rainbow leaned her crooked grin forward. "Huh? Huhhh?" The clipboard found itself suddenly lodged in her muzzle. "Mmmmmf!"

The butler dusted off his hooves with a placid smirk. "That'll do, Miss Dash. I'll add a bonus to the Banner Company payment, provided it assures that your next delivery is performed in silence."

"Grghhh—Ptooie!" Rainbow held the clipboard in a pair of hooves and glanced it over. "Eh, you're no fun. I bet your boss is a regular bag of kittens... compared to... you..." Her eyes darted up and squinted towards the manor.

Along the top balcony, she made out a tall stallion with a strong frame. The unicorn wore a silken burgundy bathrobe, and he was in the process of toasting three guests with martini glasses while he made some grandiose speech or another. As his head turned, a swath of sunlight glinted off a lone monocle over his left eye. He smiled with a thin mustache, gesturing towards his magnificent back law gardens while leaning against the balcony railing.

As the stallion took a sip of his martini, Rainbow's eyes wandered down. She spotted two maids trotting to the storage house with trays of dishes. The maids spotted her, and they waved, giggling.

Rainbow smirked dumbly and waved back, only for a frowning butler to take up the whole of her vision.

"Ahem..." His eyes narrowed. "My fellow servants are done acquiring the master's stock, so if you would kindly take your leave."

"Erm... right..." Rainbow Dash straightened her apron and pivoted about, swiveling the chariot along with her. She paused, glancing back at the balcony where the aristocratic stallion stood. Her jaw tightened and untightened. She whistled the butler's way. "Hey, Jeeves!"

The pony's whole body slumped. He turned and gave Rainbow the mother of all bored glares. "Yesssss?"

"Does it get any easier?" She shrugged. "Working for a pony who's so rich, I mean. Cuz havin' all of those bits to fall back on..." She smiled thinly. "Must be pretty cool."

The butler took a deep breath. He stood tall and proud, straightening his tuxedo. "Easier, most certainly. Quieter? Well, that remains to be seen." He pointed an accusatory hoof. "Deliver salt licks, Miss Dash. Not telegrams." With that, he flicked his tail and trotted firmly away.

Rainbow Dash exhaled out the side of her muzzle, flapped her wings, and took off with a light load. "How about I deliver a turd into your teacup, ya tumorous oversized penguin..."

Stiff Upper Lipping

Stamps leaned back in the chair at his desk, shuffling through work order after work order. He took a deep, shuddering breath, then glanced up.

Rainbow Dash was already smirking. “Well?”

“Nmmmfmmg-mmfmmfffng…” the Banner Company clerk muttered.

“What was that?” Rainbow leaned forward, craning a fuzzy blue ear towards him. “I can’t hearrrrrr youuuuuu.”

“You’re beating company records for this week in March,” Stamps droned.

“Wooohooo!” Rainbow Dash jumped in mid-air, pumping her hoof. Several co-workers chuckled at her as her voice cracked, “So, am I in it for the long-term or what?!”

“Rest your pastel colored keister,” Stamps grunted. “It’s only been three days.”

“Don’t you mean three awesome record-shattering days?!”

“You’ll wear out eventually. I know it.” Stamps smirked with a brief air of bitterness. “And besides, you’re not as young as the pegasus who used to work for us.”

“Yeah, well I’m considerably less stupidlicious!”

“The jury’s still out on that one.”

Rainbow’s eyebrow arced. “Do you always insult your new hires?”

“Rainbow, you’re an old re-hire,” Stamps hissed. “And one that’s sorely behind in proving herself after the last time we parted ways.”

“Oh, puh-leeeeease.”

“You’ve got a lot of ground to cover.”

“The same ground that I’ve scaled with these super-fast-speedy-delivery wings?” The pegasus fluttered the ends of her feathers for emphasis.

“You’ve gotten two complaints about your conduct in just a short period of time.”

Rainbow blinked confusedly, then smirked. “Lemme guess. The Trottinglame Butler, eh?”

Stamps sighed. “That’s not the point…”

“Not my fault the dude was born atop Equestria’s tallest flagpole!” Rainbow winked. “Besides, what does he really have to complain about? I’m making his boss happy.”

“This is about more than just speedy deliveries, Rainbow,” Stamps said as she signed off a few sheets. “This is about keeping up a good company image.”

“Yeah, cuz you’re doing loadssssssssss of good stuff for Banner Company with that cheer of yours,” she said with a wink, generating more chuckles from the rest of the warehouse.

“See?! That’s exactly what I mean!” Stamps pointed. “If one of the district managers showed up and caught you giving me that lip--”

“--they’d give me a medal!” Rainbow Dash leaned forward and ruffled Stamps’ mane. “Cheer up, emo pony! I got your back! It’s about time somepony did!” She smiled warmly. “Stop expecting the worse! It’s really lame when a pony your age tries to look for reasons to be unhappy!”

“Rainbow…”

“Don’t look a gift-me in the face!” She couldn’t help but let loose a raspy giggle.

“Neeeeyyuuuughhhhh…” Stamps produced something between a whinny and a groan.

“So!” Rainbow fluttered eagerly in place. “What’s my next task? My next route? Huh? Huh?”

“It’s five o’clock, Rainbow Dash…” Stamps leaned back with a heavy exhale. “You’re done for the day. Go home.”

“Woohoo--” Rainbow froze in mid exclamation, wincing. “I mean… yaaaay--What an opportunity to rest up tonight so that I can work three t-times as hard tomorrow!” She smiled, sweating nervously. “Eh heh heh…”

“Just skedaddle already before I get in the mood to buck something,” Stamps muttered with a hidden smirk.

Rainbow casually drifted away, stripping her yellow apron. “Anypony ever tell you that you’re handsome when you’re a stick in the mud?”

“Workplace tongue, Rainbow…”

”Apron wrap-up! Apron wrap-uppppp!” And she was gone.

Stamps rolled his eyes.

Hoof trembling, Rainbow fussed and fumbled with the cap to the container. “Come on… come onnnn…”

At last, she popped the thing open, exposing a tiny pile of glistening pills to the sunny afternoon air.

With a heavy sigh through her nostrils, the pegasus shrugged. “Eh… still doing good for the week.” She popped one down her throat, swallowed it with a gulp of water from a flask situated in her saddlebag, and exhaled heavily. “Uh huh. That’s right, girl. You’re doing good. Just… don’t screw it all up…”

Sliding the container away in her saddlebag, she gazed down at the structure she was hovering over.

The thatched roof to Fluttershy’s cottage shone like a golden beacon in the dwindling sunset.

Holding her breath, Rainbow dove down like a mortar shell. She was just meters away from landing on the front stoop--when the door to the cottage suddenly squeaked open. Rainbow Dash braked in mid-air, her hooves dangling a hair’s sneeze above a bulky red stallion’s flank as he marched out of the humble home.

“Thank you mighty kindly for the talk, Fluttershy.” Big Mac turned, his freckled cheeks doubly-scarlet as he smiled softly towards the cottage’s doorframe. “You sure do know how to lift a feller’s spirits.”

“Hmmmm…” Fluttershy leaned against the door, hiding half of her blushing face behind a lock or two of pink hair. “Anytime, Big Macintosh. I do so very much appreciate a soul as…” Her smiling lips peaked through, along with the rest of her tranquil face. “Kind and d-deserving as yours.”

“Eh heh…” Big Macintosh scratched the back of his neck. His deep bass voice resonated against the nearby window panes. “Shucks, you flatter me somethin’ awful.” He motioned towards the unkempt, woolly yard. “How ‘bout you let me take a whack at your lawn sometime? Dem blades are gettin’ mighty overgrown.”

“Oh… oh no… I-I couldn’t let you do that…” Fluttershy rubbed her hooves together pensively. “I-I mean, thank you so very much for the kind offer, Big Mac, but--you see--my animal friends love to frolic and play in there. Also, it makes for good cover when a falcon or lynx or other predators from the Everfree Forest come prowling around these parts.”

“Well, then maybe I should gallop on by more often…” Big Mac winked a bright green eye. “So I can scare ‘em away for ya!”

“Heeheehee… that would be overdoing it, don’t you think?”

Rainbow smiled, speaking up. “Yeah! Besides…” She dipped down and hovered between the two. “Nothing a bunch of firecrackers can’t fix! Am I right?”

“Eeep!” Fluttershy covered her blushing muzzle as her wings coiled tightly at her side.

Big Macintosh’s pupil’s shrank. His legs locked, and he took a deep-deep breath before dully sputtering, “Eeeeeeeyup.”

“Hey there, Big Mac!” Rainbow saluted. “Gonna finally give those pigs at Sweet Apple Acres their long-overdue medicine, huh?”

Big Macintosh glanced at Rainbow, at Fluttershy, then at Rainbow again. “Ahem… Eeeeeeeeyup.”

“Well, good luck with that!” Rainbow was already waving. “Oh! And tell Applejack not to kill any trees while bucking apples, why don’tcha?!”

“Eeeyup…” He trotted away like a crimson avalanche sliding sideways, up and down the path in the dying sunlight.

“Heh… Jeez, that stallion is huge.” She turned towards Fluttershy, scratching her head. “I don’t get it, Fluttershy. The big lug would snap you in two, don’t you think?”

“Mmmm…” Fluttershy hid further and further behind the door, her hooves gently stroking the wooden contours. “Maybe… I-I’d mend faster if I let him…?”

Rainbow’s eyes twitched at that. Her muzzle started to scrunch--

“Ahem…” Fluttershy poked her head out, smiling nervously. “We were just having a talk--”

“I’m sure you were…”

“--just like we have been lately.”

“Like, how often?”

“Oh… you know…” Flutterhy’s eyes darted across the darkening sky. “Every other Tuesday… and Wednesday…” She bit her lip. “Oh, and Thursdays and Fridays as well…”

“Fluttershyyyyyy…” Rainbow Dash grinned. She leaned over and elbowed the weak pegasus in the side. “You keep this up anymore, and you’re gonna have to dunk your mane in a barrel of tomatoes to hide the blushing!” She chuckled. “Do any of the gals know?”

“Erm… well…” Fluttershy’s brow furrowed. “Do any of our friends know about you and--” She winced in mid utterance.

Rainbow’s ears folded. She gazed nervously past her dangling hooves.

“Oh, Rainbow, I do apologize. That… that didn’t come out right--”

“Naw, it’s okay, Flutters.” Rainbow Dash placed a limp hoof on her shoulder. “It’s A-okay.” She smiled and chuckled at herself. “And I apologize for intruding on yours and Macintosh’s little friendly-and-completely-platonic chat session.”

“Uhmmmm…”

“I know I can be super crazy annoying. My boss was yelping to me about it earlier today--”

“Oh! Your new job!” Fluttershy gasped. “I haven’t talked to you about it since your first day!” She leaned forward, wings flapping. “How is it going, Rainbow Dash?”

“Well, would you like me to tell you?”

“Of course!” Fluttershy motioned into her cottage. “I was just getting a soup ready for Angel and I--”

“Ohhhh jeez, Fluttershy!” Rainbow clicked her tongue while shaking her head. “You wait until after the stallion leaves before making dinner!”

“What?” Fluttershy frowned cutely. “I don’t get it!”

“Have a talk with Rarity sometime.” Rainbow hovered into the cottage as Fluttershy shut the door. “You’ve got a lot to learn, girl.”

“Hmmph…” Fluttershy folded her arms and upturned her nose. “So you know, he appreciates my company because I give a good listening ear.”

“Sooooo…” Rainbow made straightway for the couch, stripped her saddlebags, and plopped down beneath the window. “Did he tell you about the farm totally tanking?”

“What?! Good heavens, no!” Fluttershy gasped, almost dropping her soup utensils before she had a chance to pick them up. “Where did that come from?”

Rainbow blinked at her. “You mean… Big Mac hasn’t shared at all about it?”

“Shared what?”

“Unngh…” Rainbow pulled at her mane as she rolled her eyes to the ceiling. “Friggin’ stallions, I swear to Celestia…” Her eyes took on a dull gleam as she imagined multiple phantom family photos along the walls to Fluttershy’s cottage. “This has been a super snazzy week, Fluttershy. But I’m not feelin’ it, y’know? Not after earlier today.”

“Big Mac said that you had stopped by his place to deliver Applejack a package…” Fluttershy looked nervously at the pegasus. “Did… did something happen?”

“Fluttershy, can you keep a secret?”

Fluttershy merely squinted at her.

“Pffft… right. Ahem…” Rainbow Dash took a deep breath and spoke from where she lay draped over the couch. “Well, hold onto your feathers, girl. Cuz this one’s a whopper…”

Cottage Chatter

Fluttershy almost dropped Angel from the force with which she gasped. "Applejack's about to lose the farm?!"

Rainbow Dash winced slightly. "Now, I didn't exactly say that, did I?"

"But... but you said that they've taken a huge dip financially!" Fluttershy's lips trembled from where she stood across the cottage's front room. "And that you overheard her talking to Big Macintosh about resorting to share cropping and—"

"Wait, I've got a question for you." Rainbow Dash sat up in the couch. "Did the big red dude say anything about this?"

Fluttershy bit her lip.

Rainbow rolled her ruby eyes. "Pfffft. You know I'm not trying to pry or any of that crud—"

"No, Rainbow, it's not that. It's just..." Fluttershy fidgeted, gazing lonesomely down towards the wooden floorboards. "No. No, Big Mac didn't say anything. I mean... he's said a lot of things since we started... t-talking more." Her lips curved slightly, but it was brief reverie. Sighing, she said, "He hasn't told me about any sort of distress with the farm."

"Well, you know how stallions are."

"Huh?"

"Nnnngh..." Rainbow face-hoofed. "They're proud, Flutters! A male pony like Big Mac isn't exactly about to volunteer any sort of super sensitive information, especially if it makes him look vulnerable!"

"I don't think... I would blame him in that regards..." Fluttershy rubbed her hooves together as she spoke in a pitiable tone. "He's such a sweetheart. If what you say is true about the f-farm, then he must be tearing apart inside!"

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow Dash glared into the ceiling above the couch. "He's not the only one."

Fluttershy's eyes darted Rainbow's way. "How is Applejack dealing with this information."

"I dunno." Rainbow shrugged. "I imagine not well."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because..." Rainbow bit her lip, hesitating.

Fluttershy trotted forward slightly. "Rainbow...?"

"Because..." Rainbow clenched her eyes shut, gritted her teeth, and eventually blurted, "Because she's cried about it before."

Fluttershy's eyes blinked wide. "Applejack's... cried...?"

"Yeah."

Fluttershy shook her head softly. "I have to be honest with you, Rainbow. I don't think I've witnessed our friend Applejack cry ever!"

"Well, she has, okay?" Rainbow grumbled, forelimbs folded. "She... let loose while we were hanging out together on the day after the Gala."

"You mean that weekend in Canterlot?"

Rainbow nodded.

Fluttershy squinted. "So... you're starting to remember details, then?"

"Yeah," Rainbow muttered. "And I'm also starting to realize why I probably forgot a lot of the stuff in the first place."

"Uhm... because...?"

"I don't even like describing it, Flutters." Rainbow tilted her head aside, reflecting her dainty friend with glossy eyes. "Applejack... crying?" Her body shivered from mane to tail. "Just thinking about it is really... really..." Her teeth chattered. "...freaky."

"Rainbow Dash..."

"I mean it!" Rainbow sat up in the couch. "There really is nothing worse in the world! Just the sound of it! Her voice collapsing. Her face all scrunched up and distraught." Rainbow winced yet again.

Fluttershy smiled compassionately. "Everypony deserves a good cry every now and then."

"Yeah, well, not Applejack!" Rainbow growled, folding her forelimbs again. "She deals with enough as it is! She doesn't have to deal with her whole world collapsing! It's... it's..." Her throat made a mixed grumbling and hissing sound as she looked out the starry window. "It's not cool!"

Silence.

Fluttershy trotted forward and nuzzled Rainbow's shoulder gently. "I know it's hard, Rainbow."

"Pffft." Rainbow's eyes darted towards her. "What's hard?"

Fluttershy smiled. "To know that the pony you care for is in anguish."

Rainbow stared at her. Slowly, her frown dissolved, and she gazed limply towards the couch cushions below her folded hooves.

Fluttershy took the time to ask, "Why is it that Applejack hasn't told all of us about it?"

"Hmmm?"

"She's always honest and upfront about everything. It seems strange that she would keep secrets about how bad Sweet Apple Acres would be doing."

"I dunno." Rainbow shrugged. "Maybe 'cuz she figures that she can still fix the whole mess. Horseapples! Maybe she can. I mean, this is Applejack, after all." Rainbow flexed and unflexed her feathers while exhaling, "Why does she even need to get all of the girls involved with the crud, huh?"

Fluttershy looked at the floor, then back at Rainbow Dash. "But she did tell you."

"Pffft. So?"

Fluttershy smiled softly. "So..."

Rainbow looked at her.

The pegasus continued to smile.

Rainbow's ears folded. "Fluttershy? You—" She frowned. "Don't go there. It's... it's downright friggin' cruel."

Fluttershy giggled ever so slightly. "You have to admit, it's a real sign of trust."

"Yeah, and Applejack trusts her dog Winona not to tear her galoshes to bits." Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and hovered across the cottage. "You know how much Applejack loves galoshes. Pffft... she practically wets herself whenever she says the word."

"I think you're changing the subject."

"And I think you're high on Big Mac." Rainbow hovered towards the door. "It's been nice chatting with you, Flutters, but I've got a busy day of deliveries tomorrow, and I think I need to get my awesome sleep."

Fluttershy suddenly gasped. "Oh good heavens!"

"Wh-what?!" Rainbow jerked a worried look at her. "I said 'awesome sleep.' You know... it's like how Rarity or Twilight get their 'beauty sleep,' only it's 'awesome'... 'cuz it's me?"

"No, not that!" Fluttershy rushed over to the doorway and picked up a small brown bag. "It's Big Mac! He forgot half of the medicine that I had meant to give him!"

"Oh, for the pigs and stuff, right?"

"Ohhhhhh..." Fluttershy moped, her wings limp. "If he doesn't give them their regular dosage through the weekend, they might come down with a fever!"

"In other words, this stuff has to get to Sweet Apple Acres super pronto..." Rainbow Dash said with a smirk.

"Erm... well... y-yes..."

"Heh..." Rainbow snatched the bag away from Fluttershy. "Don't you freak out, girl. I'll get this to their place in a jiffy. It's what I'm good at lately, after all."

"But Rainbow!" Fluttershy bit her lip and gazed out the window. "It's already after dark and—"

"I'll try not to slam into any bats along the way. I get it." Rainbow opened the door and spread her wings. "You want my advice? Keep your head in the game. You don't want Big Mac distracting you so much that you forget your animals' medicine, now do you?"

"Oh, thank you, Rainbow Dash." With a calm breath, Fluttershy smiled. "And do you want my advice?"

"Pfft. Whatever."

She leaned forward. "Maybe it's about time you earnestly tried to remember that entire weekend." Her eyes lit up. "Because Applejack may need your help more than you realize."

Rainbow was silent. After a deep breath, she flapped her wings and shot out into the night. Alone with the winds, she muttered againt the flapping of her feathers. "Yeah, well, she's got a funny way of asking for it..."

Far From the Tree

Sweet Apple Acres was a lot darker under starfall than Rainbow Dash remembered—not that Rainbow had many recollections of having visited the orchards under the veil of night. She flew at least three wide circles before spotting a smattering of lights before and determining them to be the windows to the Apple Family's household.

Coasting slowly towards the ground, she touched down on springy earth and reached into her saddlebag. Pulling out the brown pouch of medicine, she shuffled her way towards what she determined was the family's front porch.

She had already mentally rehearsed a silly yet ridiculously polite speech to simultaneously apologize for her late arrival and to explain how Big Mac forgot the second dose of medicine. About three feet from the front door, however, Rainbow Dash completely lost all train of thought.

As soon as her hooves scraped onto the front edge of the porch, she heard what sounded like labored breaths, or the squeaky echoes of a dog whining. As she drifted closer, a cold avalanche of numbness swept over her heart. Horrified beyond belief, she nevertheless slithered further until she could see faintly into the front windows of the home.

Lit by a dim smattering of candlelight, two figures could be seen besides an old, old chair with an afghan thrown over it. A wrinkled, green equine sat hunched over, and her thin limbs were wrapped gently around a mare kneeling before her, a mare who was shuddering, a mare who had collapsed, a mare who was sobbing inconsolably.

Rainbow Dash's voice gently cracked, "Applejack..."

"There there, darlin'," Granny Smith's voice warbled through the thick shadows. "No reason for yer fussin'. This here's a strong family. We've fought our way through worse straits, and we'll certainly make it through whatever life's tossin' at us now..."

"Granny, ya d-don't get it..." Applejack's voice buckled and heaved. "I th-thought they were new horseshoes for Big Mac! But it ain't!" A wheezing sob. "It was a c-care package from Filthy Rich. It was some unnecessarily f-fancy way of maskin' over wh-what he really wanted to t-tell us!"

"We both know about Filthy Rich, Applejack. We saw this comin' from miles away..."

"But it sure don't make it r-right!" Applejack whimpered and wheezed. "What business does he have g-givin' up on us like this?! He's had an agreement with the family for d-decades!"

"I'm 'fraid it has everythang to do with business, darlin'. That's just how Mr. Rich thinks. It's just like how his dad fancied doin' things too. Their family joined us for business, and now—I reckon—with things goin' as poorly with the crops n'all, it's a right smart decision for their business to leave us all the same."

"But what are we gonna do, Granny?!" Applejack mewled like a distraught kitten. "Workin' with the Riches is all I've evern known s-since I was a filly! Maybe I can s-save our crops from dyin' or keep this farm afloat—but finding a new business partner?! I c-can't juggle all of that! It's t-takin' every darn breath I have to give to keep our apples growin!"

"Shhhhh... it's alright, darlin'..."

"No, Granny! It's not alright!" Applejack shuddered, bordering on hysterics. "We c-can't lose this here farm! It's who I am! It's who we are! Granny, h-how are we g-gonna survive if everythang goes under?!"

"We will, Applejack..." Granny Smith lovingly stroked the mare's tousled mane. "We will. You know why? Because we're stronger than anythang. We're stronger than the Riches, we're stronger than Ponyville, and we're even stronger than Sweet Apple Acres. We don't need this here farm to be a swell, rootin' tootin' bunch of dependable apples! Equestria needs us, and Equestria's gonna have us—and all of our sisters and cousins—no matter what, ya hear?"

"I... I just can't imagine..." Applejack's voice dipped in and out of incoherent whimpers. "All my life, I've wanted to make th-this land prosper. And now... t-to give it all up? It's... it's l-like giving myself up! I hate it, Granny! I hate it somethin' awful!"

"Oh, Applejack." Granny sniffled, leaning over to nuzzle the collapsed mare. "Reckon it's all my fault. I'm old enough to have seen where the local economy was goin'. I shoulda prepared ya, honey. I shoulda encouraged you to branch out, perhaps taken more than one trip to the Oranges in the big city. Maybe then this wouldn't have been such a plum shocker to ya..."

"It's not what I want, Granny..." Applejack sobbed. "It's like I'm losin' everythang I hold dear. I... I don't know what to do..." She curled into Granny's embrace and let loose a muffled wail. "Nnnngh... feel... f-feel so weak... so lost..."

"That's fine. That's alright, darlin'. Let it out. We can deal with tomorrow when it comes. As for now, don't be feelin' afraid or nothin'. Just let it out..."

Applejack did, in tiny gasps and whimpering breaths.

Granny Smith patted her shoulder. Something darted in her peripheral vision, so she looked up. Squinting hard, she thought she could make out a brown package lying on the window sill, but she couldn't be bothered to examine it at the moment. She consoled Applejack into the cold, dark night.

Rainbow Dash slammed the door to her cloud home behind her.

She slumped to her knees, panting heavily. She couldn't tell if it was the rapid flight or...

A wince ripped across her muzzle.

She planted her face into her hooves, seething slightly.

Cracking the joints in her shoulder, she stood up tall and strong and made for the opposite end of the house.

Rainbow Dash sat at the table to her kitchen, staring into the bowl of salad.

She had taken two bites out of it, maybe three.

At some point, she stopped eating, and chose instead to stare into the dish of fresh, crunchy greens.

Her stomach didn't gurgle—not once.

Fuming, she picked the bowl up, drifted by the sink, and tossed the worthless meal against the drain, edible leaves and all.

Fwomp!

Rainbow Dash fell into bed.

She rolled over, curling up beneath the bed covers.

A deep breath stirred through her, and she glared into darkness with two knife-sharp ruby eyes.

Second passed.

Minutes...

Rainbow winced. She clenched her eyes shut and snuggled even deeper beneath the covers, as if she was spelunking into a deep cave. Beyond the echoes of her labored breaths, she could hear something piercing through.

With a low growl, she clutched her ears, flattening them against her skull as she attemped to drown out the sound.

She failed.

With a high-pitched grunt, she kicked the covers off, stumbled over numb limbs, and ultimately fluttered her way across the house.

Rainbow slapped the side of the stall. Thunderclouds rumbled through the house's foundation, pouring a liberal curtain of water into the tiny partition.

Rainbow stood her body up against the wall of the shower. In the darkness, she allowed her body to be soaked from mane to tail. Her ears filled with noise: the endless rush of water and trickle of liquid.

It too failed.

Rainbow panted and panted. She slumped down until she curled up into a little ball in the darkness, bathed in artificial rain. She hugged herself and gritted her teeth.

There was no escaping it. The sound of Applejack's sobs found her, slicing through her head like a bullet, then bleeding cold into her heart.

Rainbow's face scrunched up. She waited until the shower had thoroughly soaked her features, and only then did she let the tears flow like hidden tributaries. She flew her muzzle into her drenched forelimbs and sobbed quietly, her body trembling as the sound of her cries approximated the weeping mare lodged deep in her raw memories.

It wasn't until an hour later that she felt exhausted enough to attempt sleep, and even then the tears followed her.

Eavesdashing

Rainbow Dash waded through the pushes like a petite, prismatic shark. When the stallions’ voices came closer, she ducked low with a swish of her tail. The mare held her breath as the rich businessponies strolled by, followed by the fastidious-looking unicorn with the monocle.

“...the key to diplomacy is sincerity. Like so many of our competitors, I do not believe that there is profit to be had in dominating the Granite Mountains altogether. Much rather, I find that the locals there are in possession of a great deal of resources that do not hold any degree of importance to their highly spiritual lifestyle, and--if coaxed with the right amount of barter and trade--they can be convinced to part with much of it.”

“But, seriously, Mr. Pants, Cloudstone? Seems like a relatively fruitless pursuit. I mean no offense, of course.”

“I am in no way offended, Mr. Rich, provided you have a legitimate explanation for your disagreement.”

“It’s simply that Cloudstone is quite common. That is to say--the pegasi manufacture it quite consistently. It’s what makes up so many of their dwellings in the sky, after all. I’m talking about everything from levitating apartments to the very core of major airborne metropolises such as Cloudsdale and Las Pegasus.”

“Ah, but there’s a difference in this particular circumstance, Mr. Rich. How astute of you to notice the commonality of Cloudstone! However, in all of the instances that you’ve state--albeit generally--the pegasi are intrinsically involved. That is not the case with the deposits located within the Granite Mountains.”

“Just how did Cloudstone end up inside a natural mountain range?”

“That’s just it! I’ve had my best experts in geology conducting very, very thorough searches of the area! The mountain--as a matter of fact--is not--a natural formation! It’s the result of a very ancient pegasi city having collapsed there centuries ago! According to arcane dating, my scientists in the field are estimating that the deposits there are no younger than five centuries!”

“F-five centuries?! Fancy, that must mean--”

“That is correct! The Cloudstone deposits there must legally belong to whatever pony organization first claims them! I intend to be the first procurer of said materials!”

“But what of the Cloudsdale Historical Society? Won’t they see this as tantamount to grave robbing?”

“If there were ancient pegasi bodies to be found, quite likely. So far, my field agents have found none. We won’t, however, have a full grasp of the situation until we send an expedition inside the mountain deep enough to find out first-hoof.”

“And these… Granite Mountain Buffalo…?”

“They are the one barricade to our progress. Over the past two years, I have been endeavoring to get on the good side of the mountain tribes. Rather complicated sort, buffalo. Beads and feathers certainly don’t do the trick. Of that, I can assure you.”

Chuckling voices. Then the conversation resumed.

“Is that the explanation for all of the salt licks you’ve gathered over the past few weeks?”

“Why, yes, Mr. Rich. Almost all Equestrian races respond favorably to salts. It’s one of the many ways I’m hoping to buy my organization passage into the inner passages of the Granite Mountains.”

“You’re certain that they’ll be receptive to such bartering?”

“No, as a matter of fact, I am not.” Scuffling hooves. The group came to a stop as the owner of the manor turned about to face them. “Which is precisely why I summoned you fine lot here today to discuss the matter in fine detail. If I was to have a committed investment from each of you, I can assure each one gathered here that the returning profit will be ten times worth the initial leap of faith. Mark my words, you’ll praise the stars that you decided to meet with me today.”

“F-forgive us for having our reservations, Fancy Pants. But--even if we manage to get the Mountain Buffalo to work with us--what could we possibly do with the Cloudstone that would earn such astounding profit?”

“Why, what couldn’t we do with the Cloudstone, my fine gentlecolts?! That material is precious, one of a kind, and full of too many properties than a single mortal can list! Not only that, but the substance has hitherto been dominated by pegasi bureaucracy since before the abacus was invented! In the right hooves--such as my special bureau of scientists--Cloudstone can be evaporated and distilled into an abundant water supply! Why, a single cubic inch of the material has enough compact moisture to fill a small lake! Just the steam that can be harnessed from it alone could power a royal Canterlot zeppelin for months! What’s more, if we can figure out how the material is broken apart, we might learn how it can be put back together! We’ll be the first non-pegasi to have ascertained the secrets of Cloudstone! It could pave the way towards an entire generation of steam-powered industry!”

The stallions murmured with one another, their voices already excited and intrigued.

“So, what say you, good friends? We stand upon the brink of rapid change! The only thing that impedes us is the relatively unpredictable disposition of these Mountain Buffalo. Surely, between the seven of us, we can figure out a way to charm our way into their hearts. So, minds aglow! How do you win the approval of a reclusive Buffalo clan…?”

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. Slowly, with slithering hooves, she slid her way back from the thick hedge in front of her--

--and bumped into the tuxedo’d chest of a frowning stallion.

“Miss Dash!” the butler hissed. “What in Celestia’s name do you think you’re doing?!”

“Ackies!” Rainbow Dash’s wings flapped in shock. Her body went limp. The pill container in her apron rattled as she plunged forward…

...and collapsed limply across the cobblestone path of the hedge garden. Fancy Pants, Filthy Rich, and several other stallions gasped, jumping back in surprise.

“Good heavens!” Fancy’s telekinesis went into overdrive, snatching his monocle and champagne glass before they could shatter against the cobblestone below. “Why, hello-hello!” He leaned forward with an inquisitive squint and an even more inquisitive smirk. “Quite curious! What do we have here?”

Rainbow Dash laid on her back like a fuzzy blue turtle. “Uhhh…” She glanced all around, sweating. “Uhhhhhh…”

Filthy Rich blinked, his muzzle growing tight as a sharp breath escaped him. “Wait…” He leaned forward. “I… know you, don’t I?” He blinked. “Ponyville…?”

Rainbow Dash saw Filthy. She frowned--almost snarled. Jolting, she clenched her eyes shut, then reverse-somersaulted onto her hooves.

The stallions gasped once more as Rainbow seemed to roll towards Filthy, but uprighted herself at the last second, hovering about to face Fancy Pants.

“Salt licks aren’t gonna cut it!” she barked.

“I beg your pardon?” Fancy Pants remarked with legitimate curiosity.

“That’s not how you win your way into Buffalo’s hearts!” She took a deep, proud breath. “But I’ll tell you what is! Apple pies!”

The Granite Mountain Matter

"I say..." Fancy Pants telekinetically rubbed his monocle across his vest and blinked through it at the petite pegasus. "Apple pies...?"

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to speak—

"Master Pants, I am so exceedingly sorry for this!" The butler stepped in, slapping a tail into Rainbow's face as he bowed low before the suited ponies. "It is all my fight. She evaded my sight with her mischievous, wandering ways. I assure you, it will not happen again." He backed up into Rainbow, forcibly shoving her out of the back lawn garden. "Come with me, Rainbow Dash—"

"Pfffft!" Rainbow spat his tail hairs out and frowned over his flank. "Hey! I was trying to speak to the stallion here!"

"No, you were not!" the butler said with a frown. "And I would suggest a great deal more civility, Miss, especially since we'll be writing a strongly worded letter back to Banner Company which will undoubtedly end with your discontinued employment!"

"Oh come on!" Rainbow growled. "I was just trying to—"

"No more words!" the butler barked. "You're lucky that we haven't sicked an entire legion of security guards on you—!"

An eloquent voice cleared its throat delicately. "A moment, Spruce Goose, if you would."

The butler skidded to a stop on quivering hooves. He and Rainbow Dash turned to look curiously at Fancy Pants.

The stallion smiled. "There's a good fellow." He trotted past the gawking stallions and approached Rainbow Dash. "This pony appears to have a very passionate reason to have interjected on our conversation, and I must admit that the idea of fruity pastries has never once crossed my mind when dealing with the Mountain Buffalo. My good lady, might I know your name?"

"Uhm..." Jittery, Rainbow Dash brushed past the butler and gave an awkward bow. "Sir. Rainbow Dash... s-sir."

"Rainbow Dash..." Fancy Pants rubbed his chin in thought. "Hmmmm... Now where have I heard that name before?"

"You have?" Rainbow blinked. She saw Filthy Rich out of the corner of her eye, and a jolt ran through her body. "I-I mean... of course you have!" She stood up straight, tilting her head with a proud sneer. "I'm only the fastest flier in all of Equestria! Not to mention the best darn athlete this side of the Wall of Stalliongrad!"

Spruce Goose spat out the side of his mouth and rolled his eyes.

"Those are quite some bold statements, Miss Dash," Fancy Pants said with a reserved smirk. "Now, unless I'm mistaken, I heard the name of 'Banner Company' thrown forth?"

Rainbow opened her mouth—

"She's the deliverer of the salt licks you've ordered over the past two weeks, Master Pants, sir," the butler stated. "Her work has been exemplary..." He glared aside. "Until today."

Rainbow groaned.

"I thank you for the assessment, Spruce, though I did not ask you for it."

"But sir—!"

"So you're the pony whom I've heard so much about!" Fancy said with a smile, trotting forward to shake Rainbow's limp hoof. "So swift! So punctual! Good show!" He leaned forward with a wink. "And, from all of the excited chatter among the servants lately—especially the maids—I had half expected you to be a stallion."

Rainbow blinked. A twinge of pink laced her fuzzy blue cheeks. "Uhhhh... eheheheh... uhm..."

"It seems obvious to me that a mare of your speed and daring have seen much of Equestria. Am I correct?"

"Uhm... Yes! Totally!" Rainbow Dash's wings fluttered, and she hovered before the group. "I have been around Equestria, as a matter of fact. I've been to a lot of places! I... uhm..." She winced and pointed at her wings. "Mind if I hover?"

"Not at all."

"Cool." Rainbow paced in floating circles. "Aaaaaand, it so happens that one of the places I've been to is a little ranch colony to the distant northwest called Appleloosa. You ever heard of it?"

"Indeed, I have. I helped fund the railroad project that bridged the gap of transportation there. Apple orchard community, if I'm not mistaken. Still in its infant stages?"

"Right. My friends and I once went out there to replant an apple tree. But we ran into a bunch of angry buffalo who attacked the train. Turns out the settler ponies of Appleloosa and the buffalo that have been living there for generations were kind of butting heads. The buffalo wanted to stampede over a certain spot of land, but the settler ponies had planted their trees there during the latest apple bucking season."

"I dare say, sounds like quite the predicament," Fancy Pants said as the stallions behind him murmured.

"Oh, totally! It got so bad that the buffalo attacked downtown Appleloosa in an attempt to drive out the earth ponies who lived there! It almost became a real nasty battle, only the chief of the buffalo tribe decided to pull back at the last second. You wanna know why?"

"You have me positively thrilled. What stayed his hoof?"

Rainbow Dash smirked. "He got a taste for their apple pie, and it quite literally changed his mind about the whole situation overnight!" She glanced at everypony as she said, "He and his tribe agreed to let the Appleloosans stay, so long as they moved a bunch of the trees and allowed—like—a path for him and his fellow buffalo to stampede down. This way, their thundering hooves would cause the apples to fall during Apple Bucking season, and they'd be recompensated with troves of apple pie—since they loved the stuff so much!"

"Hmmm... seems like that situation worked out quite magically."

"But don't you get it?!" Rainbow's voice cracked as she hovered closer to the unicorn. "The buffalo were so friggin' ticked off at the earth ponies of Appleloosa that they were willing to wage war over the situation! It wasn't negotiation that changed things! It wasn't even music or promises of friendship! It was apple pie! You ever been to the desert? Pffft. All you've got are cacti and rattle snakes. I can't imagine this 'Grungy Mountain—'"

"Granite Mountain."

"Right. I can't imagine it's all that good of a place to grow fruit. So, like, when would the Mountain Buffalo get a chance to indulge their sweet tooths? They wouldn't, I'm telling you! Salt licks? Pffft! Dime a dozen in Equestria!" She turned and smiled nervously at the gazing stallions. "No offense."

She shrugged and murmured incoherently.

Rainbow spun to face Fancy Pants again. "What you wanna be sending these Buffalo is something juicy! Something tangy! Something sweet and golden delicious!" She planted a hoof over her yellow apron. "And I so happen to know of the best darn distributor of apples in all of Equestria."

"Do you, now?" Fancy Pants asked.

Rainbow Dash nodded. She opened her mouth—

"Mr. Pants, if I may..." Filthy Rich suddenly stepped forward, clearing his throat. "As enthusiastic as this pony's tale is, we have to maintain a rational perspective here. There simply is no evidence that the buffalo have an acquired taste for... apple pies, or any other dessert tray, for that matter."

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow glared the graying stallion's way. "Maybe it wouldn't hurt to have a little faith, eh, bro?"

Filthy avoided her gaze, fidgeting slightly. Fancy Pants suddenly stood between them.

"It... stands to reason that the salt licks will have an expectedly positive impact on the buffalo community," he said. "It is, after all, a universal gesture of good will among all Equestrians, dime-a-dozen resource or not."

Rainbow's eyes twitched. "But—"

"Apple pies sound a great deal riskier, and there's no telling what negative impact on the Cloudstone Project a botched experiment in diplomacy could have." Fancy turned and faced the stallions. "For that reason, and considering the major investment that has been made so far, I see it fit to continue with delivering the salt licks. Does anypony object?"

Filthy and the other stallions exchanged glances, ultimately shaking their heads and muttering in one accord.

Rainbow Dash hung her head as her wings flapped limply.

"Very well, then. Might I suggest a brief recess?" Fancy Pants gestured towards the manor. "You will find plenty of refreshments in the sunroom along the southeast wing. Please, do make yourselves at home. We'll recommence dialogue a little later."

The stallions all trotted towards the rear of the building, locked in curious little conversations. Many of them glanced blankly Rainbow's way, including Filthy Rich.

Rainbow Dash didn't look back at him.

At last, as the back garden cleared up, Rainbow could make out Fancy Pants trotting towards Spruce Goose in the corner of her vision. The unicorn leaned forward and whispered in the butler's ear. Spruce's face went pale in surprise, and he gave his master an odd look. Fancy trotted away towards the far end of hte lawn, leaving Spruce alone with his squirming hooves. At last, the butler trotted Rainbow's way.

Rainbow looked up, and her face scrunched up at the look of confusion on the stallion's face.

"Erm..." Spruce fidgeted. "Master Pants would... like to speak with you in private, Miss Dash."

Rainbow raised an eyebrow.

"Towards the northeast end of the garden," he said, pointing over several rows of hedges. "You'll find a wooden gazebo. He waits for you there." He trotted past her and made for the front lawn. "I would not keep him tarying too long..."

Rainbow nodded limply. As soon as the butler was gone, she flapped her wings hard and zipped towards the far end of the garden.

A Business Proposition

Rainbow Dash saw Fancy Pants from several feet away. The stallion, as prophesied, stood in the center of a wide, round gazebo. The structure was positioned at the southern crest of a hill, and much of the lush forests and rivers of Trottingham could be seen splayed out across the northern wilderness. Mountains stretched in the distance, piercing the bright blue sky and wispy clouds.

"Ah, there you are!" Fancy said, shaking Rainbow out of her thoughts. "Please, Miss Dash, join me if you will." He approached a table, telekinetically pouring a pitcher of yellow liquid into a glass of water.

"Uhm..." Rainbow drifted towards him. "I hate to sound like a broken record, but do you mind if I—"

"Hover?" Fancy raised an eyebrow over his monocle. "Not at all. You are a pegasus, after all. I've been told it's more comfortable than sitting for winged ponies."

"Heh..." Rainbow exhaled, relieved. "I guess you could say that."

He raised the glass towards her. "Lemonade?"

"Oh..." Rainbow patted the cantene in her apron's pouch. "I'm good on that front."

"Well, do forgive me for acting like a horse drawn to water." Fancy winked before taking a liberal sip. "I swear, I'm always terribly parched this time of year. I blame it on my mother's side. Legend has it that she was three-quarters Saddle Arabian."

"I... uh..." Rainbow squinted. "I don't see it, frankly."

"I doubt that you would. Not many ponies from Ponyville—or Cloudsdale for that matter—have ever been far out enough to see the desert sands of that kingdom, much less the equines who live there."

Rainbow Dash bit her lip.

Fancy Pants saw it. He stopped sipping and said, "What's that? Surprised that I pinpointed your home town?"

"Well, uhh... uhm..."

"It occurred to me just a minute or two ago." He smirked. "'Rainbow Dash.' Winner of the Best Young Fliers Competition last year."

Rainbow's pupils shrunk. She couldn't help but smirk. "Heh... yeah. That."

"It's not easy to live down the... what was it called?" He leaned back against the edge of the gazebo as he spoke above the twittering sound of songbirds. "The Sonic Rainboom? I've no idea what it entails, but from what every excitable pegasus diplomat has told me, it certainly sounds astounding."

"Wrong A-word, but I'll settle for it." Rainbow Dash nodded with a smirk. "I only pulled it off because I was trying to save a very close friend of mine."

"Hmmm. No doubt." Fancy Pants took another sip, paused, and said, "Miss Dash, I have to be frank with you, dear." His thin eyes rested on her. "I think that the idea of offering apple pies to the Granite Mountain Buffalo is the absolute most smashing plan I've heard in a long time."

Rainbow's jaw dropped. "But..." Her eyes darted to the manor and back to Fancy Pants. "But you said—"

"Please forgive the charade, but I assure you it was necessary to maintain a muted air of enthusiasm before my potential business partners." He twirled his glass of lemonade around with a sparkle of telekinesis. "The thing is, I can't say that I very well trust them..."

Rainbow's muzzle scrunched. "Huh...?!"

"Of all of the projects I've funded in my years, I dare say this Cloudstone Project is the riskiest." Fancy's jaw hung straight and serious. "It has many opponents. Pegasi? Oh, most naturally. It's already taken all of my charm and expertise to convince them that this is not a matter of plundering—which it isn't, but that's besides the point." He took a deep breath and said, "There are many who would think that the extraction and steam conversion of Cloudstone would greatly upset the balance of industry in Equestria. And they have every right to believe that, for it will." He gulped. "But for the better."

Rainbow hovered a bit closer. "You really believe so?"

"Oh, absolutely!" Fancy gave a proud smirk. "I've already done the rounds several times with my best financial advisors and analysts! The possibility of engineering condensed sources of steam could accelerate Equestrian technology by about fifty years overnight! It would create new jobs for both the educated and uneducated. What's more, it will vastly improve the state of pony living throughout the combined kingdoms. It's just that..." He hesitated.

"Just wh-what?"

"There is a reason ponies fear progress, Miss Dash. It takes sacrifice, and sacrifice is frightening to ponies too wrapped up in the present to ascertain the necessary benefits of the future. And my fellow business partners—the stallions whom you met just now—they are quite terribly afraid of progress."

"Then..." Rainbow blinked. "Why did you have them come here to talk to them about the Mountain Buffalo in the first place?"

"Quite simple." He drank the last of his lemonade and clapped the glass down. "I don't trust them."

"You think they're gonna try and stop this whole 'Cloudstone Project' thingy?"

"Oh, if only that were simple." Fancy Pants chuckled lightly. "I highly suspect half of them are determined to sabotage it."

"Sabotage?!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "And you call them friends?"

"Absolutely."

"But—"

"They've done far too many benevolent things for me and my company for me to turn a blind eye to them." Fancy Pants paced around the gazebo. "Friendship is an odd thing, Miss Dash, especially in the business world. Once you attach currency to companionship, you find that money is thicker than integrity. I certainly wish this wasn't the case, but—when you get as rich as me—there's more at stake in making decisions than one's friendship." He shuffled to a stop, clearing his throat. "There are jobs. Families. Entire livelihoods. Do you understand?"

Rainbow bit her lip and nodded limply.

"So, as you can imagine, my hooves are rather bound. I can't do very much without falling under the scrutiny of those whom I am bound by. And, I'm afraid, that includes a risky venture such as forsaking the salt licks for apple pies at the drop of a hat, no matter how hard I believe in the matter."

"Then I don't get it..." Rainbow Dash shrugged in mid-air. "Why'd you need to see me? Why are we even talking about it?"

"Because..." He trotted slowly towards her, tilting his head up so that they stared eye-to-eye. "I still believe that there is a way. You've proven yourself to be quite the expert delivery pony. And, if I may be so bold, you appear to have some connections when it comes to apples. Not to mention, you have a great deal of experience from your adventure in Appleloosa alone..."

Rainbow squinted, her face wracked with thought. Suddenly, her body twitched. "Wait... are you saying that... th-that you want me to...?"

Fancy Pants took a deep breath. "If I had proof that the Granite Mountain Buffalo had a taste for apple desserts, then—well—the evidence would be an undeniable hint for the direction my business partners and I need to take. I'd have leverage to convince all the committees involved to fund apple trade. Gears would shift quite literally overnight, and I would be able to accelerate my Cloudstone Project into full force."

"But... you..." Rainbow thought aloud, "You can't afford to show your involvement with the matter, because it'd totally look like you were going behind your buddies' backs?"

"Indeed."

"Wouldn't they think that about you anyways? I mean, assuming that... assuming I—"

"Ah, yes. That would be a tricky situation. And here is where we both see the inevitable burden..." Fancy leaned back with a sigh, gazing at her gently. "The inevitable burden you would be carrying."

"Me?"

"If you presented the evidence of the buffalo's interest in apple trade—so that my partners and I could witness it for ourselves—well, it would look as though you actually took it upon yourself to make contact with the Mountain tribes, independently and stubbornly. Even still, it would be too ripe an opportunity for us to ignore." He smiled wickedly. "Wouldn't it?"

Rainbow's jaw went tight. "That's not very honest, though, is it?"

"No, Miss Dash." Fancy gently shook his head. "It is not."

Rainbow Dash bit her lip, but hesitated. She hovered close to the ceiling, rubbing her chin as her eyes wandered across the gazebo.

Eventually, Fancy spoke again, "I'm to assume that you don't live on an apple farm. Is that correct?"

"Huh? What?" Rainbow gave him a double-take. She gulped. "No. No, I don't."

"I didn't think as much," Fancy said with a nod. "You're a spry little mare, but I don't see the wear and tear of farm life on you. Not that I'm an expert, of course, but I've visited many an orchard in my days. They make for fine pony folk, equines of the earth, souls who are too bound by hard work and integrity to ever bother taking risky ventures like that which I'm proposing to you."

"So... if I get a sample of apple pies to the Granite Mountain Buffalo... and I get evidence that they love the stuff—" Rainbow Dash murmured aloud.

Fancy Pants held a hoof up. "And might I also assume that they're not even your apples?"

Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth, wincing. "No. No, they're not."

"A friend's, perhaps?" Fancy asked. "A friend with a farm?"

Rainbow took a deep breath. "Not just any farm." She frowned. "But the source for the best darn apples in all of Equestria."

"I have no doubt." Fancy nodded. "The moment you showed up—with as unorthodox an entrance as you made—I could tell there was a spirit of desperation about it." He brushed at a dusty swath of wooden paneling beside him. "I don't suppose this friend of yours has any prior business relations to Mr. Rich, whom I caught you casting a most nasty glare?"

Rainbow Dash said nothing.

"I thought as much. Filthy has been guilty of many things, the least of which is a rather unfortunate first name." Fancy chuckled to himself. "But, to a pony like him, breaking business relations has been a rather disturbing habit as of late. I do sympathize with him to some degree, though. He's rather young, as corporate moguls go, and he has a lot of pressure from his surviving relatives to salvage the forward momentum of his company. I think he has yet to see the reality of his more grim decisions raising its ugly head. Perhaps, if we work together, we can prove to the likes of him—and others—that some connections deserve not to be severed in the first place."

"And what makes you think that I've agreed to work for you?"

"Have put some thought into what you are doing here to begin with?" Fancy Pants asked. "Or why you snuck up on me and my partners in the first place? Miss Dash, you don't even run an apple farm. What profit do you seek to gain from even humoring anything I've talked about so far?"

Rainbow Dash slumped a bit in mid-hover. She sighed out her nostrils and muttered, "Look, if there's a way to make something out of the apples, I'm all for it. So can we leave it at that?"

Fancy Pants stared at her for a few seconds before saying, "It's loyalty such as this that I find sorely lacking in the business world today." He nodded slowly. "Yes. I would very much like to work with you, provided you are willing to weather the burden."

"I don't care, alright?" She glared. "Just bring it."

"Very well then." He stood up straight, adjusting his vest and monocle. "If you can bring a sample to the Granite Mountain, impress the buffalo, and bring back to me and my associates firm proof of the tribes' appreciation for the product, then you have my word that I will personally fund the farm that's responsible for producing said apples." He smirked. "Whoever may or may not be the owner." He winked.

Rainbow Dash's pupils shrank. Her apron flounced from the gunshots of her suddenly palpitating heart.

Fancy Pants strode past her. "And I'll also see about writing a strongly worded letter to Banner Company about their garish choice in employee uniforms." He stepped off the gazebo and headed for the mansion. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go entertain my friends. There's a good mare."

"Uh... yeah. Sure..." Rainbow nodded. She was alone. Her muzzle smiled wide... and then wider and wider and even wider.

In a blue blur, she thundered her way west, knocking the leaves off of hedges in the process.

For the Love of a Bushel

Sweet Apple Acres loomed below like an emerald chessboard with red-bespeckled pieces. Hedge after hedge of plump fruit glistened in the sunlight. A lone pony trotted from row to row, her golden coat casting a golden sheen. She paused in the middle of her labors, pulling her hat off and brushing at her sweat-kissed bangs.

Rainbow Dash stared from cloud level, wings flapping, legs curled to her fuzzy chest. Gone was her apron, her chariot, and her clipboard. All she carried now was a saddlebag and a limp cloud of hesitation, and she was presently fidgeting over which of the two to toss first.

"'Heya, AJ,'" she murmured aloud, gulping. A faint smile. "'Working hard, huh? Say, would you mind lending me a bunch of your apples? I just need them to... uh... use 'em for Wonderbolt practice! Y-yeah! After all, I hear that Spitfire and Soarin' have added a new pie-juggling stunt to their flight maneuvers and I wanna see how my slick skills add up!"'

Silence.

Rainbow Dash grimaced, then rubbed her face into a pair of forelimbs. "Mmmm-rfffgghh! Idiot. That won't work! How could that ever work?!"

More silence.

Clearing her throat, the pegasus lifted her face and grinned plastically into the sunlight. "'Hey, hotstuff! Mind if I borrow a few apples?! I've flown in from Trottingham and boy are my forelimbs tired!'" A pause. Her eyes went crooked. "Hotstuff?! Ungh! Friggin' get with the program, Rainbow. You just need a few apples! That's it! Just a barrel! No more!"

Applejack could be seen sitting with her flank to the wagon. She fanned herself with the hat, sighing into the country winds over the farm.

Rainbow's jaw clenched and unclenched. "Buck it. Let's knock this out." Before she could squeak at herself in protest, she rocketed down to earth level. Her descent was so swift that her spread feathers produced a whistling noise in the air. "HeyAJhow'sithoofing—Ohcrap!" At her momentum, she barreled viciously into a pair of stubby trees. Thud!

Applejack gasped. The first thing she did was juggle her hat and slap the thing swiftly atop her head, pulling the article tight over her ears. Breathing with relief, she stood up, brow furrowed. "Rainbow?! What in tarnation...?!"

Rainbow poked her head out of a swath of leaves, wheezing for breath. Upside down, she horse-smiled and squeaked, "Hey hot-apples! Mind if I borrow a few stuff?! I—I mean..." She gritted her teeth, twisted, and fell loose to the grass floor below. "Whoah!" The nearby cart rattled.

"Uhhhhh..." With a blank expression, Applejack trotted over and helped Rainbow up with a strong hoof. "Come again, sugarcube?"

"Ummfnngh..." Rainbow Dash stood up straight, shaking her head viciously. She failed to launch a branch or two loose from her spiked mane. "Hey there, Applejack."

"Hey yerself. Now what's all this dive bombin' business about?" Applejack's green eyes narrowed in the center of her sweaty forehead. "I'm rather busy at the moment."

"I, uhhh..." Rainbow Dash stared at Applejack's flouncing blonde bangs. "Uhmmmmm..." Applejack's tight, curved muscles and sweat-slick flank. "Ahem." She spun her petite body around and pretended to march proudly in a casual circle. "So, I was doing my usual rounds today, delivering junk to ponies all across Ponyville and beyond..."

"Oh, right..." Applejack nodded with a slight grin. "Yer new job! How's that holdin' up, exactly?"

Rainbow went on. "...And I was starting to break a sweat. So I thought to myself 'Jee, Rainbow! If only you had a way to parch your thirst in the middle of all this hot afternoon air-gliding n'jazz!' And then it occurred to me. 'Duh! You have a best friend who grows the most delicious apples in all of Equestria! Why not ask her for a few to spare, and then you can make yourself an awesome baked snack to munch on in the middle of doing your rounds!'"

Applejack stared at her. When it became apparent five seconds later that Rainbow had nothing more to say, the farm-filly performed a double-take. "Oh! Uhm... right. Apple... snacks... huh?"

"Oh, y'know..." Rainbow shrugged. "I figured I'd make a fritter... or a pie..." She ruffled and unruffled her wingfeathers. "...or a fritter." She bit her lip.

"Darlin', do you even know how to bake?"

Rainbow Dash instantly paled. Her pupils shrunk as she stared into oblivion.

"I mean, unless you've been hangin' out with Pinkie Pie a lot lately."

Rainbow's mouth hung open dumbly. "Uhhhhh..." She shifted her weight from one hoof to another. "Buhhhhhhhhh..."

Just then, Applejack sighed. "Reckon it doesn't really matter none." She hung her head. "I'm awfully sorry, Rainbow Dash..."

Rainbow snapped out of it. "Huh?" She leaned forward. "What for?"

"But I'm afraid I can't lend any apples at the moment," Applejack said in a low, remorseful tone. "Even to a good friend."

"What—really?" Rainbow Dash's eyes narrowed. "Not even a barrel?"

"A barrel?!" Applejack barked.

Rainbow slunk back like a frightened cat. "Eh heh heh heh!" She sweated nervously. "Kidding! I'm j-just kidding!" She gulped and stammered, "But, in all seriousness, your hooves are tied."

"I... I apologize, darlin'," Applejack said, nervously rubbing one forelimb with another. "Normally, I'd totally let any pony take a hearty sample of my family's finest fruit."

"Yeah... Uh... wh-what gives?"

"It'd take too much time to explain. Just believe me when I tell you that I'm unable to spare any fruit at the moment. It breaks my heart, but that's the way it's gotta be."

"What..." Rainbow blinked, then smiled brilliantly. "Wh-what if I pay for them?!" She reached into her saddlbag and pulled out a bit satchel in her teeth. "Mrmmmmfff—I just g-got paid this week too—"

"Rainbow..."

"How much for a dozen apples?" Rainbow squatted, rattling through coins with her hooves and an opposable wingfeather or two. "I'll give you an extra few coins for delivery and labor! Not that tossing them ten feet at me counts as 'delivery,' but hey, you look tired as heck!"

"Rainbow, I'm sorry!" Applejack said, a bit more forcibly. She sighed hard. "I just can't, Sugarcube. I need every single one of these here apples for... for..." Applejack squirmed where she stood. "Well, for a special harvest the family and me are doin', ya hear? Maybe in a few weeks, I can spare some, but now...?"

Rainbow stared at her, muzzle agape. "Does this have anything to do with Filthy—?"

Applejack snapped her a look.

"Uhhhh-F-f-filthy irrigation?!" Rainbow grinned wide, cheek muscles twitching. "Cuz, y'know... pegasus pony!" She winked and gave her wing muscles a good flap. "I'll go round up some crystal clean water from the nearest lake and get these orchards soaked up in a jiff!"

"It ain't as simple as that, sugarcube."

"But—"

"Please, I respect yer loyalty and all, Rainbow..." Applejack gave a weak smile and rested a hoof on Rainbow's shoulder. "But I've got this. Really, I do." She brushed past the pegasus. "I'll make it up to you somehow, ya hear? It may not be soon, but I will. I promise." She spun her rear legs towards a tree and gave it a heavy buck. "Mmmf! I'll... I dunno... throw you and the rest of the gals a special apple feast. We'll all..." She sighed as she began collecting the fallen apples. "We'll all eat like queens..."

Rainbow Dash rubbed her shoulder where the warmth of Applejack's touch still lingered. With folded ears and a cracking voice, she muttered, "You sure that you can't spare any?"

"All I can afford to give at the moment is my attention, Rainbow." Applejack sweated and wiped her brow. "But, sorry to say, even that is a might bit stretched out at the moment." She smiled wearily. "How about you drop on by sometime in the mornin' tomorrow, right before I set to work, and we can give it the gab, ya hear? For old time's sake..." She kicked and bucked at the tree again. "Nnngh! I may have a strict harvest to deal with, but Celestia forbid the day I can't afford to share some time with a dear friend."

"Uhm... sure..." Rainbow Dash felt her wings flapping before she could stop them. "I'll... uh... I'll mull it over."

"You do that, sugarcube." And Applejack returned to letting her frustrations out on the trees.

Out Stubborning

Rainbow Dash had flown about two hundred meters from the orchards when she finally stopped in midair. Her legs dangled limply beneath her hovering form. She winced slightly, rubbing one limb with another, toying with the numb sensation flowing through them.

Fumbling, Rainbow reached into her saddlebag and pulled the medicine bottle out, almost dropping it. With an inward grumble, she wrenched the lid off with her teeth and downed one capsule. Grabbing her cantene of water, she gulped the pill into oblivion, then fluttered there, hugging the flask to her chest.

She took deep breaths, nostrils fuming. Her fuzzy blue ears twitched. Warmth cascaded through her body, bringing with it the tingling sensation of nerves coming to life in her legs.

A minute passed. Two minutes.

Rainbow's eyes opened, and she was frowning. She tilted about until she was staring down at the orchards again.

"Nnnngh!" Applejack grunted as she bucked a cluster of apples loose from a tree. Panting, exhausted from her sweat and labor, she limped towards the basket of fruit and nudged the half-empty thing closer to the base of the tree.

Just as she was preparing to give the trunk another kick, something blurred by, snatching an empty basket off the top of the wagon parked nearby.

"Huh?" Applejack's face twisted in confusion. Thunder clapped nearby. A petite set of hooves was kicking a tree just a row down from where she stood. A little bit frazzled, the farm filly trotted around the bend and squinted at the scene. "Rainbow...?"

"Haaugh!" Rainbow shouted like a martial arts mare, bucking a tree as hard as she could. She barely made a third of the apples fall, but she kicked it again and again until enough fruit fell to match a single one of Applejack's strikes.

Doing a double-take, Applejack shuffled through the grass and trotted closer. "Rainbow, what in the hay's gotten into you?!"

"Guhh!" Rainbow kicked again, not even breaking a sweat. She frowned into the green leaves and shiny red fruit skin. "Just where is Big Mac, huh?"

Applejack stared at an awkward angle. "Over in the west fields..." Her jaw hung open. "...why?"

"And lemme guess, you're gonna work your way clockwise from the east fields to the south and then join Big Mac in the west?"

"Assumin' he drags behind, sure, but—"

"Y'know, you would do things clockwise, AJ." Rainbow Dash smirked as—with much effort—she finally bucked enough apples loose from the tree. "Predictable to the end. Heh."

"Rainbow, what in Equestria are ya doin'?"

"What does it look like?" Rainbow Dash zoomed over Applejack's head, grabbed another basket, and shoved it towards a fresh, unbucked tree. "You wanna get a good harvest done, right? No sense in beating around the bush about it!"

"Meanin'...?"

"Look, I'm a delivery pony and a speedster!" Rainbow paused to point at herself. "Even before you, me, and the gals started hangin' out, I knew how important it was to be quick about stuff!" She spun and bucked the tree hard, causing a hoofful of apples to rattle into the basket. "The faster you get this harvest done, the sooner you can sell your stuff to whoever, right? And I do mean whoever."

"Well, sure, but—"

"Then let's get to it, gurl!" Rainbow grinned wickedly as she gave the tree a massive buck, this time loosening all apples in only the second go. "Hah!" She waggled her eyebrows in Applejack's direction. "Showed that one who's boss!"

"Rainbow Dash, this ain't yer line of work!" Applejack frowned. "And besides! You've got enough on yer plate—what with the cloud buckin' and the deliverin' and—"

"Pffft! You think I'm offering to do this for free?" Rainbow Dash smirked at Applejack. "Imagine if you and I combined get this crap done ahead of schedule? Ehhh? Ehhh?"

Applejack blinked, then sighed. "Yer really darn persistent, ya know that?"

"I learned it from the best."

"Hah! You did not!"

"Wanna prove it?" Rainbow Dash pointed at the sky. "Race ya to sundown! Whoever bucks the most apples down between now and then gets to have the last laugh! And if it's me—"

"I won't be able to spare many, Rainbow," Applejack grunted. "Even if we clear out the entire east field by then."

"Well, we sure as feathers aren't gonna get much done by standing here arguing about it, now will we?" Rainbow grinned.

"But—"

Rainbow grinned.

Applejack snorted. "Yer impossible." She marched her way towards a row of trees besides the wagon. "Better not be faintin' on me! I'll make Granny resuscitate ya!"

Rainbow Dash spun, smirked, and rammed her hooves into a nearby trunk. "My muzzle's been been in worse places," she muttered quietly to the sweaty air. Thud!

Some Nerve

"Nnngh!" Applejack bucked a tall tree, filling two baskets to the brim with golden delicious apples. She panted, swiped her brow, and turned to look down the sloping hillside. Two rows down the orchards, Rainbow Dash was darting from tree to tree, pinballing between them with heavily thudding hooves. "Better get a move on, Rainbow Dash! If you wanna be any help, we gotta clear the next four rows by the end of this hour!"

"Haaah!" Rainbow slammed against a final tree, spilling apples like crimson rain into a steep basket. "You mean the next four rows I already friggin' did?"

"Say wh-what?!" Applejack's pupils shrunk. She hopped onto the wheel of her wagon and craned her neck over the piles of fruit to get a good look.

Sure enough, the next few lines of trees past them were bucked clean.

"Well, I'll be." Applejack squinted Rainbow's way. "How in tarnation did you get all them apple trees empty? Are ya cheatin'?"

"Hnngh!" Rainbow Dash rammed her fetlocks into another tree, wincing slightly. "Is that even possible?"

"Erm..."

"Well?! You're the apple expert here! Or is your name 'Orangejack' all of the sudden?" She suppressed a giggle.

"Unngh..." Applejack rolled her eyes as she stepped back down onto the grass. "This is why I don't work with pegasi..."

"Why?" Rainbow smirked, sweating. "Cuz you can't stand the awesome? Or you're afraid of being out apple'd?"

"Less sassin' and more apple-loppin'!" Applejack pointed downhill. "There's still an entire field of trees downwind to knock out if we wanna make quota! Keep it up, surgarcube, and I promise I'll make it worth your while!"

"Jee, you're welcome."

Applejack sighed. "Rainbow..."

"Heh... s'all good. I get it." Rainbow soared overheard, spinning about to deliver Applejack a proud salute. "Don't fret, Cap'n, my Cap'n! I'm gonna make so many apples fall, Isaac Neighton will turn over in his grave!"

"Oh horsefeathers..." Applejack rolled her eyes, but smiled warmly. "I swear that last one made my brain hurt."

"Good thing apple bucking only involves your body!" Rainbow soared downhill. "Just try and keep up!"

"Don't wear yourself out too fast!"

"Who, me?" Rainbow flew and flew. At last, when she was two rows of trees away, she looked back.

Applejack was beyond line of sight.

Rainbow exhaled heavily. As soon as the breath left her lungs, she grimaced hard. Her wings gave out, and she slumped towards the ground. She outstretched her hooves, but they were too weak at this point to catch a fly. With a groan, Rainbow grinded into the dirt, kicking up soil and grass.

She tried pushing up, but her legs only wobbled and wobbled like an infirmed horse's. Finally, teeth gnashing, she rolled over until she lay on her back. It took nearly a full minute of struggle, but she finally pulled the pill container out from her saddlebag.

Biting her lip, she stared at the prescription label with weary eyes. It had been less than two hours since the last time she took a dosage, but the entire exercise was throwing her nerves for a loop. A trembling sensation ran through her body, and it took all her strength to keep the container steady in her hooves.

"You alright over there, sugarcube?!" Applejack's voice called out, making the top leaves of the apple trees quiver. "Ain't time for no restin' yet! We have a whole evenin' ahead of us!"

Rainbow Dash clenched her eyes shut, took a deep breath, and hollered back, "I'm just s-surveying the land!"

"Sounds good to me!" And Applejack's voice turned to distant grunts as she kicked a row of trees several yards away.

Rainbow opened her eyes again. She was sweating hard. Suppressing an inward groan, she popped the cap loose, tossed a pill into her mouth, and swallowed the tablet hard. Wincing, she slid the container back into her saddlebag, stood up on quivering legs, and flapped her wings hard.

Levitating, she could already feel a slight tingle to her forelimbs.

"Come on... get into gear..." She hissed quietly to herself, flying faster towards the trees ahead of her. "You need the apples more than she does." Her jaw tightened. "At least for this week! Hnnngh!"

Rainbow flew like a missile and bucked a tree directly in front of her. The heavy impact sent a jolt of sparks through her limbs, reexciting the nerves. It would have to do.

Undaunted, Rainbow zig-zagged her way through the orchards, filling baskets by the dozen.

Shiny Apple Dreams

“The fact is, I had every reason to see this comin’ from a long way’s off.” Applejack said, sniffling. “It ain’t Granny’s fault, nor Big Mac’s. After all, I was the one who done took up the mantle of this here farm.” With a sigh, the mare stared out at the growing shadows of the orchards stretching westward. “And don’t get on me for bein’ all down on myself none. Truth is, there really isn’t a whole lot I could have done to prevent it on my lonesome. The market’s simply been goin’ downhill. Shucks, it probably was before Ma and Pa… well…” Her voice trailed off.

Rainbow gulped. “Yeah, b-but…” Her eyes narrowed. “To give up the whole frickin’ farm?”

“Ohhhh… it ain’t quite so terrible.” Applejack smiled painfully. “Really. It’s the smart thang to do. If we clung to this here land just for the sake of doin’ so, then we’d end up collapsin’ even harder. Best to sell what we’ve got to ponies with the know-it-all to turn these here crops into a better industry.”

“But… you’ve owned this place for years! You and your family! I mean…” Rainbow gulped. “Right?”

“Don’t nopony know it more than me, Rainbow.” Applejack took a deep breath. “But, fact is, unless we can find ourselves a loyal investor willin’ to cash in big time on our crops, we’ll be goin’ under before the next season.”

“But, don’t you… er… I mean…” Rainbow Dash bit her lip before she could go further.

Applejack looked towards her, and she blinked her eyes dry. “What?” She smirked. “You were gonna bring up Filthy Rich, weren’t ya?”

“Well…” Rainbow shrugged. “Yeah.” She cleared her throat. “Hasn’t he been… uhm… loyal to you?”

Applejack sighed. “I never did fancy business folk too much. I always thought Mr. Rich was the exception, considerin’ all the thangs his father did for Ma and Pa back in the day. But, turns out he’s bits first and blood second. In this day’n’age, with cities becoming bigger and countries stretchin’ thinner, I suppose it’s only natural. Don’t make it right, but not like I’m the mare who’s in charge of anything.”

“Yeah, well…” Rainbow gritted her teeth, pulling at the blades of grass in front of her. “I think it sucks.”

“Hah hah hah!” Applejack guffawed. “Glad to know we dance to the same tune, Rainbow Dash, though you take mightier strides than I.”

“What are you gonna do?” Rainbow Dash blinked. “You and the family, I mean?”

“Reckon we’re gonna do what the rest of the folks here do,” Applejack said. “Stay here in Ponyville. Learn to blend in. Get work somewhere in town. We Apple folk have plenty of friends in town, and I don’t mean just Rarity and Twilight and Pinkie. Over the years, we’ve made our fair share of connections, and I’d be darned if none of them feel like reciprocating.”

“So… you’ll be staying here?” Rainbow leaned forward “In Ponyville?”

“Well, shoot, either that or move in with the Oranges in Manehattan.” Applejack shuddered. “Brrrrrr… Now there’s somethin’ I ain’t too keen on.”

“What about Granny Smith.”

“What about her?”

“Well, AJ, she’s goin’ on in her years, right?” Rainbow Dash scratched the back of her head nervously. “You think--at her age n’stuff--that this sort of sudden change will be… h-healthy for her?”

Applejack gazed curiously at Rainbow. “Yer really concerned for the whole family, aren’t you?”

Rainbow’s eyes narrowed. “Is there a reason I shouldn’t be?”

Applejack chuckled slightly. “Nawwww, sugarcube. I just don’t think I’ve ever seen you have a single conversation with Granny Smith ever.”

Rainbow Dash glanced towards the distance farmhouse. “Well… she’s your family, Applejack. I know that she means a lot to you.”

“She means a lot to many ponies. She’s the salt of the earth, ol’ Apple Smith.” Applejack took a deep breath. “I just hope she doesn’t feel as though I’m lettin’ her down.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, I know that she manages well for herself n’all, but a lot of time it’s just show. She’s lived a long life and has seen many ponies she cares for leave this earth. A mare with that degree of experience and moral fortitude also stands to clam up an awful bit, especially when it comes to the things that would only tear her apart if she let ‘em out on the surface.”

Rainbow Dash squirmed where she sat. “Wow, Applejack…”

“Hmm?” Applejack looked up.

Rainbow tried to hide her smile. She had no problem with failing at the moment. “It’s just that you’re… you’re so on top of the ball. I mean, you’ve got everypony figured out.”

“Well, everyone in the household.”

“Right! That’s the point! You’ve had to carry your close kin on your shoulders for-freaking-ever. You’ve had to think for them as well as for yourself.”

“Heh. I reckon…”

“If you ask me, it sounds like one heck of a juggling act.”

“Not really. Not if you do it everyday.”

“It still blows my mind.”

“Yes, well…” Applejack chuckled. “It’s all part of livin’ with family members. I guess I really can’t expect you to understand--” Immediately, Rainbow cringed. Wincing, she swiveled her head Rainbow’s way. “Aw shoot.”

Rainbow Dash was gazing towards the sunset.

“Sugarcube, I’m awful sorry.” Applejack’s face was long. “I didn’t mean nothin’ by that! I wasn’t thinkin’--”

“Heh… s’all good.” Rainbow smirked at her. “No feelings hurt, okay?” Her wings flexed and unflexed as she said, “I’ve gotten used to goin’ the distance on my own. Ages ago, ponies used to get all sappy with me--cuz of what… well… with what happened to Dad.” She cleared her throat. “Truth is, all the stuff in my life--both crappy or not--have made me into a better, awesomer mare.”

“You really believe that?” Applejack.

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I… uh… I kinda have to.”

Applejack nodded silently. “Reckon you do.” A few seconds tick by. “Still, does it ever get lonesome?”

Rainbow sucked her breath in. She was infinitely grateful to the stars above that Applejack wasn’t looking at her squarely, or else she may have seen the spastic twitch to her eyes. “Pffft. Naaah. You kidding?” It took all her body strength to curve her lip muscles upwards. “I get to chillax on my own schedule. I’ve got tons of hours to practice the coolest flying moves. And when or if all of that freedom bores me… heh… well, I always got you rad gals to hang out.” She winked.

Applejack stared at her. She tilted her gaze slightly, then finally chuckled. “Yer one of a kind, Rainbow Dash.”

Rainbow exhaled liberally. “You th-think so, eh?”

“I have to admit, I’ve always admired the way you carry yerself about.” Applejack said.

Rainbow’s wingtips fluttered. “You h-have?”

“Even if yer a downright sassy braggart about it from time to time.”

Those wings deflated. “Oh.” Rainbow glanced aside.

“Still, it’s inspirin’. You strike everypony as a mare who always has what she wants and has the gumption to show off about it. Ya feel me?”

“I… I guess.” Rainbow took a shuddering breath, trying not to stare at Applejack for too long. “The way I’ve figured it, being awesome is knowing that what you want… m-more than anything in the world… is right in front of you all the time.” She gulped. “Sometimes… sometimes it’s all that keeps you going.”

“Well, more power to ya, sugarcube,” Applejack said. “I gotta admit, there are times when I wish I had that sort of straight, rigid vision.”

Rainbow Dash kneaded her hooves into the grass, stared blankly, and said, “What’s stopping you?”

“Hmmm?”

“Things are changing in your life, aren’t they?” Rainbow shrugged. “Who’s to know? Maybe now’s a time for a perspective shift.”

Applejack squinted. “How do you mean?”

“I mean, you can still take care of your family and all, but perhaps you can set apart some time for yourself.”

“I’m… uh… I’m still lost, sugarcube.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Oh puh-lease, Applesmack! Think about it!”

“Think about what?”

Rainbow Dash stood up and practically growled. “What do you want more in your life than anything else!”

“Pffft…” Applejack waved a hoof towards the setting sun. “To save this here farm, what else?”

“Aim further.”

“Huh?”

“It’s no big friggin’ secret that you wanna keep this farm, this land, and all the squirrels that live in its trees.” Rainbow Dash shrugged dramatically. “But there’s gotta be more to it than that!”

“I swear, darlin’, there r-really ain’t.”

“Really?” Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow with a smirk. “There isn’t something you’ve wanted to maintain the farm for?”

“Like… like you mean a goal?”

“Yeah, girl!” Rainbow grinned wide. “A goal!”

Applejack blinked. She stared down at the orchards and shadows of orchards. Slowly, like melting gold, a smile formed across her freckled face. “Hmmmmm… welllll…”

“Yeah? Yeahhhh?” Rainbow leaned forward.

“I… I always fancied…” Applejack took a deep breath and rested her muzzle on her forelimbs. “...f-fancied havin’ a family of my own.”

“Pffft. Don’t you already have that, silly pony?”

“Well, yes. And… n-no. This here’s a different dream, sugarcube.”

“Oh?”

Applejack slowly nodded. “I wanna be a mother someday, Rainbow Dash. I wanna foal a kid… shucks… a whole gaggle of young’n’s. I wanna raise ‘em good’n’proper, show ‘em the ropes, give ‘em the love and attention that they deserve.” She shuddered slightly. “And not disappear on ‘em, because of one really cruel hoof of fate or ‘nother.”

“Huh…” Rainbow Dash’s eyes trailed off. “That’s really sweet, Applejack.”

“Course, t’ain’t all there is to it.”

“Oh?”

“Nosiree. I gotta lasso myself a fine stallion sometime. And pretty darn soon, too.”

Rainbow exhaled. Her ears drooped as she gazed aside. “Oh.” It was a wheeze.

“And I dun mean none of that ‘stallion of my dreams’ or ‘knight in shinin’ armor’ hooey that Rarity is always swoonin’ over.” Applejack rolled her eyes, but swiftly replaced the gesture with a warm, warm smile. “But rather… a simple, sweet, and down-to-earth gentlecolt. A stallion who knows the lay of the land, and yet is willin’ to learn new things… things that I can teach ‘em, cuz relationships are all supposed to be about give n’take. Ya reckon?”

“Hmmm? Oh, yeah. Sure…” Rainbow Dash plopped down on her haunches, exhaling. “Give and take…”

“He’d be strong and capable.” Applejack gulped, then frowned. “But none of that macho… bravismo nonsense. A stallion who’s too preoccupied with showin’ off and tryin’ to woo me ain’t worth the time. I’d rather have a kind, patient, understandin’ sort of a special somepony. A pony who’d stick by my sides at all times, and yet… I-I could take care of him too.” Applejack blinked, and then her muzzle scrunched up. “You don’t reckon that sounds a tad bit silly, does it?” She glanced at Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow didn’t realize Applejack was staring until several seconds into it. “Oh! No!” She fought the urge to shiver. “Not… strange at all for you to want to take care of a pony…”

“Yeah…”

“To… h-hold him close and make him feel safe… and wanted…”

“Heheh… sure thang. Sure thang.”

Rainbow Dash took a deep, squeaky breath as her eyes glossed over. “Cuddle him tightly in bed. Wrap your legs around him and nuzzle his ears… whisper to him that it’s okay to be weak sometimes, so l-long as you’ve got the strength to help pick him back up together.”

“Sure--wait… huh?” Applejack gaped.

Rainbow bit her lip. Hard.

The farm mare looked past it. “I… uh… think I’d settle for a stallion who could help me take care of the young’n’s…” Applejack said with a smile. “And the farm, of course.”

With a shudder, Rainbow pivoted about. “But AJ…” She winced. “What… what if you don’t get to salvage the farm, y’know?”

Applejack’s face stretched. She lingered for a few seconds, shrugged, and said, “I reckon in the end, it doesn’t matter. Trust… loyalty… commitment.” She rolled her eyes. “A handsome scent.” She chuckled.

Rainbow Dash smiled crookedly. “Heh. Heh. Hehhhh.”

After a prolonged sigh, Applejack’s ears twitched, and she stared a million miles away. “In the end, it’s all about havin’ somepony special to come back home to.” Her jaw hung straight.

Rainbow Dash would have felt her heart skipping a beat, if only it weren’t for the massive lump lodged in her petite throat.

“Yeah, well…” Applejack shrugged, squirming her hooves in the grass. “Yer a better dreamer than I am, Rainbow Dash. I’m ‘fraid it only gives me the blues somethin’ fierce.”

“I… uh… I feel ya. Believe me.”

“All that stuff--however charmin’--has gotta take a backseat to what I’m dealin’ with now. Once I’m done havin’ somethin’ to fret over… for better or for worse… that’s when I’ll get to relax.” Applejack nodded, breathing lightly. “And settle.” There was the hint of a sniffle, and her eyes grew moist. “And, land’s sakes, I sure do look forward to settlin’ one of these days.”

Rainbow Dash saw the look in Applejack’s eyes. It almost drowned her. So, she flapped her wings hard, hovering above the surface. Not a second later, she was forcibly yanking Applejack up by her hooves.

“H-Huh?” Applejack stumbled upright, teetering from the bloodrush as she gazed up. “What in tarnation--”

“Come on, Applejack.” Rainbow Dash motioned with a swift swing of her forelimb. “We’ve got some work to do.”

“But… but Rainbow, I can’t ask you to sweat yerself anymore.” She sighed and gestured towards the fallen sun. “Just look. We done gabbed the sun into hiding. Thanks for all yer help, sugarcube, but honestly, you don’t have to--”

“Bite your tongue!” Rainbow Dash hovered low with a growl. “Does that sound like the Applejack I know?”

“Uhhhh…” Applejack gulped nervously. “Maybe?”

Rainbow grinned devilishly. “We’ve got some apples to buck! It’s a full moon out tonight! We’ll kick trees until we collapse if we have to!”

“Rainbow Dash, honestly, I appreciate yer spunk, but--”

“But nothing! You wanna get a heads up on the Apple Buck Season while it may be your last?”

“Well, of course!”

“Then let’s get our flanks into gear!” Rainbow Dash soared towards the nearest line of trees downhill.

“Rainbow, what’s gotten into you? Yer usually not this gung ho about farm work!”

Rainbow Dash paused, spun around, and planted her hooves on her hovering hips. “Applejack, look at me. Are ya looking at me?”

Applejack reluctantly did as she was told.

Rainbow’s eyes narrowed. “I promise you. Things are gonna be okay. You’re gonna have your farm.” She hesitated, quivered, and spat out, “And you’re gonna live out your dream. Ya hear me?”

Applejack opened her mouth, lingered, but ultimately smiled. “Sure thang, Sugarcube.”

“Save the sugars and cubes for the morning.” Rainbow Dash spun. With her back to Applejack, she winced, and took a few seconds to flex her forelimbs. “Brrrrbbrrrbb…” Getting the feeling back into her legs, she tossed her mane and darted forward. “Now let’s get goin’! Last pony in’s a rotten apple!”

“Oh, jee…” Applejack picked up her apple baskets and trotted towards the wagon. “That’s soooo darn original.”

“Your face is original! Now move it or lose it!”

Hats Off To Ya

Even after nightfall, Rainbow's speed did not let up. She zipped from orchard to orchard, practically bucking each tree in the dark. Applejack had to scramble to catch up, laying baskets down for the pegasus' lopped fruit to fall neatly into. The two formed a nocturnal machine of rapid industry, and already two and a half wagons were filled up with freshly bucked apples.

About two hours into moonlight, Rainbow Dash finally felt herself slowing down, and it was only because she could easily hear Applejack's labored breaths from halfway across the farm. She paused, hovering above a line of unbucked trees, glancing back to where an orange shadow lingered besides several baskets that glistened in the moonlight.

Applejack paused to regain her strength. She leaned against a tree, shaking the cobwebs out of her blonde head. Her cutie mark shone like three tiny red beacons in the night.

Rainbow Dash blinked. She lowered until she felt the supporting length of a pair of forked branches beneath her hooves. Resting, she folded her legs beneath her. They still tingled with unnatural energy. Rainbow was thankful that the pills had taken their course, but she also felt a tiny bit remorseful over beating Applejack at every turn, not that this was a race or anything.

No, it wasn't a race. As soon as Rainbow Dash realized that, she exhaled gracefully, then leaned down against the branches, staring from a distance at the farm mare. The darkness gave Rainbow plenty of lease to gaze for a prolonged period of time, and she did so—unashamedly.

Applejack slouched, taking her hat off and fanning herself. The mare—usually vibrant and full of strength and energy—looked remarkably drained. Her features hung in melancholic tatters, and her mane was frayed in many places, almost bulging loose altogether from the red tie that kept her bundled blonde threads intact. Something glistened across her face, like twin emeralds shrinking away from the moonlight, and yet she stayed in place, as if anchored to the landscape, keeping the farm from floating away on a current of darkness.

Rainbow's breath left her. Her voice cracked into the leaves rustling overhead. "Why...?" She gulped. "Why are you so friggin' beautiful?" Her muzzle curved, and she nuzzled her own forelimbs with her blue cheek, all the while staring at the breathless mare from afar. "Even when you're sad, you're just... just so you." A shuddering sigh. "It'll be okay, Applejack. I don't even care if you're not... if you're n-not..."

But then Rainbow's face winced painfully. She bit her lip, and her eyes finally fluttered to the ground. Moisture escaped the edges of her sockets, and a slight sniffle issued from her nostrils.

"Awwww gul-darn it!"

Rainbow jerked up, hitting her head on an overstretching branch. "Ow!" She hissed through her teeth, rubbing her prismatic bangs. She glanced down. "Huh...?"

Applejack's hat toppled loosely down hill, carried by a moonlit breeze. She heard the pitter-patter of Applejack's distant hooves in the grass.

"Chillax, AJ!" Rainbow victoriously bellowed as she took a nose-dive off the branch. "I got it!"

In a blur, Rainbow touched down and snatched the hat up in her teeth. "Hrmmmf—You should staple this thing to your ears, I swear—"

"Don't touch that!" Applejack violently barked.

Rainbow jumped in place, scooting several inches back and trembling. The hat rolled upside down and came to a stop. Applejack plodded up, wheezing.

Her ears were folded awkwardly as she winced and said, "I... I-I mean... please, sugarcube, if you don't m-mind..." She gulped and swiped the hat up. She didn't instantly put it on, but rather felt around the inside with her hoof. At one point she froze, exhaled with relief, and finally plopped the thing back onto her crown. "Whew! It's just that... uhm... you see, I've got... uhm..."

Rainbow stared at her, wide-eyed, her heart beating savagely.

Applejack gulped a lump down her throat. "Right. Reckon th-that's enough apple buckin' for the day. Heh... t'ain't even day anymore. By golly did we get a lot of fruit basketed!" She twirled around and marched up hill. "Could use a lil' help rollin' the wagons in, darlin', if ya don't mind helpin' me just a sneeze more. There's a good filly."

Rainbow Dash stood in place, her ears still ringing with the sharp tone of Applejack's shouting voice just half-a-minute before.

"Yeah... s-sure..." Biting her lip, Rainbow trotted limply up the hill after her. "No pr-problem..."

Apples All In a Row

The crickets were in full chorus by the time Applejack pulled the cart full of overflowing fruit baskets up the hill and towards the front of the Apple Family Barn. Rainbow Dash hovered alongside, her muzzle twisted in a pathetically concerned expression.

"Uhm... AJ? You sure you don't need help with—?"

"I've... got this... Sugarcube..." Applejack sweated and grunted. Her heavy hooves scuffed over the bent grass and soft soil as she finally came to a stop. "Nnngh... besides, you've done enough today."

"Hey..." Rainbow Dash shrugged. "I'm happy to lend a hoof. But, y'know, nothing for you to kill yourself over."

"Nonsense. I just..." Applejack paused to exhale heavily as she unhitched herself from the wagon. "I-I just know all the strengths and weaknesses of this here cart. No sense in you accidentally knocking it apart by hitting a stray rock in the ground or nothin'."

"Jee..." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Don't mention it, darlin'." Applejack, slumped back against the cart and let loose a long groan. "Whewwww-weeee. I haven't bucked anythang that hard in months!"

Rainbow Dash jerked, hissed, and snickered involuntarily.

Applejack's tired green eyes glared at her. "What's so cotton-pickin' funny?"

"Snkkkt... it's nothin'." Rainbow Dash waved a hoof. "I promise."

"Hmmph. For a pony who's used to the sky, ya sure do keep yer mind in the gutter an awful lot."

"Oh come on! That was an easy one!"

"Hmmm... reckon it was." Applejack shut her eyes and appeared to drift away. "Reckon it was..."

A cool breeze wafted over both ponies' manes. The weathervane atop the barn twirled and squeaked, breaking the sound of nighttime insects.

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. She started to flap her wings harder, hovering up and away from the scene. "Yeah, well, guess I'd better... y'know... get going and all. I... uh... I wish you luck with the apples. Hope they were worth your while." Without thinking, she turned and fluttered east at a speed that could only outpace her heartbeat—

"Rainbow, darlin'?"

She stopped in place, turning around. "Huh?"

Applejack was standing up. The farm mare gave the cart behind her a slap of the hoof, and a basket full of apples fell out. She caught it expertly in one hoof and layed it gently onto the grass below her. "There ya go, sugarcube."

Rainbow stared. She stared some more.

Applejack raised her eyebrow. "Didn't ya want some of your own super bad hours ago?"

Rainbow gasped. "Friggin' duh!" she slapped her own head with a hoof and suppressed a giggle as she fluttered down. "I swear, where's my darn head these days?"

"Beats me, but I know where yer heart is."

Rainbow Dash froze in the middle of picking up the apples. "You..." Her pupils shrank as a wilted little voice limped out of her. "You d-do?"

"Yup." Applejack leaned against the cart again, smiling slightly. "I just wonder where you got the gumption to build yer own homemade swill."

"Uhhhh... homemade what-now?"

"Y'know, a swill!" Applejack tilted her hat forward so that the brim shaded her eyes from starlight. "For mixin' yer own apple cider."

Rainbow Dash paled, and yet she exhaled with relief. "Oh, puh-lease. Like I know anything about making my own cider!"

"No shame in admittin' the truth, Rainbow Dash. You certainly earned them apples you've got ten times over."

"Applejack, for crying out loud! The truth is—" Rainbow Dash gnashed her teeth. She sighed, and her wings deflated. "I miss apple cider really, really bad."

"Hmmm... that's what I thought..." Applejack yawned.

"But, y'know, I almost would have been just fine leaving without the apples." Rainbow Dash smiled gently into the nightly wind. She brushed her bangs back as a shudder left her lungs. "Just knowing that I did something to help you? Well, that's pretty radical. Cuz you totally deserve it, AJ. Well, maybe not the help, cuz you're stubborn at times—not to mention you can pretty darn well help yourself. But... I think you deserve a pony taking care of you like you take care of all of us. And I don't mean just me and the girls, but every pony you friggin' meet. You're like... a bottle of awesome in earth pony form. So selfless, so dependable, so... st-strong. I look at you and I sometimes think that... that with the way I do things, I'm kind of... I dunno... winning for all of the wrong reasons." Rainbow Dash gulped, fidgeting against the soft earth. "Does that make any sense to you, AJ?" Silence. "AJ?" She blinked. She looked up.

Applejack's muzzle was hanging open as her body drifted silently beneath her overhanging hat. "Zzzzznnttt... neighhh.... Zzzzzzzzznnnt... n-neighhh.... Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzznnt... Neighhh..."

Rainbow Dash blinked. Her cheeks turned rosy, and she smiled slightly. Leaning forward with a sigh, she hung her hooves over the basket full of apples, almost as if she was hugging the fruit. She gazed longingly at the slumbering mare, and it wasn't until several seconds had pulled the glimmer from her eyes that she finally whispered along the nightly wind.

"Applejack, I don't care how bad things get, or how good, or if you have your dreams come true or not. I will always be there for you. Because I... I..." Rainbow Dash bit onto her tongue. Her face scowled—more like a grimace of pain, as she still couldn't get herself to pronounce it. Instead, she sighed, then flapped her wings so that she could lean over the basket. She gave the end of Applejack's ponytail a light stroke, then a flounce, knocking over to the far side of the mare's shoulder. Applejack stirred slightly, yawned into her sleep, and rested further against the wagon.

Rainbow Dash was already biting onto the basket handle, pumping her wings hard, and blurring her way towards the heart of town.

Upstairs inside Sugarcube Corner.

"Hmmmmmmm..." Pinkie Pie cuddled a pillow, nuzzling it in mid-slumber. "Hmmm—heehee... why, Mr. Fritter, your glazed tuxedo looks so delicious. Shall we go dance in the chocolate ball room?" Her lips drooled slightly. "Ooooh... the sprinkles are out in full glory tonight!"

Slam! The windows to her bedroom flew open. Curtains, streamers, and a wall-eyed alligator flew across the tight space.

"Guaaaaaah!" Pinkie Pie sat up, rubbing her bleary eyelids and frowning. "Hey! Who scared away Mr. Fritter?!" She squinted. "Dashie?"

Thwomp! Breathless, Rainbow Dash slapped the basket full of tumbling apples down at the end of Pinkie's bed. She hovered, shivering, and spat, "Pies!"

"Pies?!"

"Bake 'em bake 'em bake 'em bake 'em!" Rainbow pleaded, voice cracking.

Pinkie Pie sat up in bed with a vicious scowl. "Are you telling me that you broke into the Cakes' house, woke me up in the middle of the night, just for me to bake pies at one o'clock in the morning?"

Rainbow Dash clenched her teeth, squeaked, and squeaked again. "......yyyyeah?"

A beat.

Pinkie hopped out of bed with a flounce of her mane. "Oki doki loki!" She grinned ecstatically with bright eyes lighting up the whole room. "Best midnight kitchen magic evarrrrrr!"

The mare grabbed the basket in her mouth and bounced down the stairs, losing fruit with every leap.

Rainbow Dash hovered in mid-air, smiled, and collapsed in a prismatic puddle. Thud!

==Part Four: Granite Mountain Shuffle==

==Part Four: Granite Mountain Shuffle==

"Heh... well, will you look at that." Applejack, bleary-eyed, nevertheless smiled as she and Rainbow Dash came to a scuffling stop at the brick-laid intersection in western Canterlot. "We're here already." She sniffled, rubbing her reddened face and shuddering. "I swear, Twilight's folks' place always looks bigger on the outside than on the inside. Explains a lot about Twilight's humble personality, ya reckon?"

"Uh... yeah. Sure, I guess," Rainbow Dash muttered, her tail flicking limply in the glow of a streetlamp.

"I imagine the gals must be worried about where we've been all night," Applejack muttered. "Especially Rarity. That mare can weave a tale somethin' awful." She chuckled breathily, and sighed. After a few seconds, she turned and stared at Rainbow. "I wanna thank ya for hearin' me out, sugarcube. I know I was nothin' but a blubberin' mess, but... I suppose it helps to vent every now and then."

"Yeah." Rainbow Dash nodded limply. "You're probably right."

Applejack blinked. She tilted the brim of her hat back and squinted. "Rainbow...?"

The pegasus slowly looked up, biting her lip.

"You... you okay, darlin'?"

"Hmm? Me?" Rainbow gulped and smiled awkwardly. "Oh, you b-bet! I'm always chillaxed."

"Uh huh..." Applejack raised an eyebrow. "Rainbow, if ya don't mind me sayin', it looks like the energy's been completely sapped from ya altogether."

"Pffft. It's been a long day, AJ."

"You sure that's all it is?"

"Pretty sure."

"Good, 'cuz I hate to think I brought yer spirits down on account of all my ramblin' about the farm woes."

"Nah. We're all strong ponies here."

"Heh... darn tootin'."

Silence.

"Well, best that we get settled in without wakin' the gals..." Applejack trudged towards the front steps.

"Uhm." Rainbow's voice cracked, "I'm... gonna hang out here for a while."

Applejack paused to look back at her. "Oh?"

"Yeah. Figured I'd stretch my wings for a bit."

"This late at night?"

"Pfft. No rules against cruisin' over the rooftops of Canterlot."

"Ya sure about that? These ain't exactly Ponyvillean residences."

"I'll be fine, Applejack." Rainbow Dash said firmly with a smirk. "You head on inside. Catch some Z's before they run away from you."

"What should I tell the girls?"

"Nothing! Your snoring's enough to wake them up!"

"Ungh!" Applejack rolled her eyes. "I do not snore!"

"Yeah you buckin' doooooo." Rainbow winked with a smirk. "It's not honest to tell a lie, Applejack."

"I swear by it, Rainbow, I don't!"

"I rode in the berth next to you on the way to Appleloosa," Rainbow droned. "You sound like a horse."

"Hmmmph..." Applejack rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Try not to fly into any lampposts while you take wing, ya hear?"

"Yeah, I'll try not to."

Applejack strolled up the front steps to the apartment.

"Uhm... AJ?"

Applejack stifled a yawn. She turned to squint back at Rainbow. "Yeah, darlin'?"

The pegasus was wincing. Nevertheless, she hovered on limp wings and muttered, "You... uh... you really deserve better, y'know?"

Applejack stared blankly.

Rainbow cleared her throat and added, "You and the farm, that is. You... really deserve more."

With a tired smile, Applejack calmly said, "T'ain't about what a pony deserves, Rainbow Dash, but what she dares to accomplish in spite of the worst stuff that fate has to throw at her."

Rainbow said nothing.

With a shrug, Applejack turned about and shuffled in through the front entrance.

Rainbow was alone. A cold chill blew her way. Gritting her teeth, she flew off over a row of apartments, but came to a lingering stop on a random balcony. Touching down, she slumped somewhat, flexing her forelimb at the elbow as she stared a million miles into nothing. Her ears twitched, still resonating with the sound of Applejack's crying voice from an hour and a half earlier.

Shuddering, she clenched her eyes shut, fighting down tears. At last, her jaw clenched, and she stood back up with a disgruntled stared. Flapping her wings, she took to the starry sky, gliding over the bulk of Canterlot. She took several spiraling paths, dipping and weaving past bursts of wind. At last, her figure hung defeatedly, sighed, and descended towards a spot in the southern edge of the city, where magically imbued lights denoted the location of a cider bar...

"Mmmph... shouldn't... sh-shouldn't have let her go..." Rainbow Dash murmured through tired lips, her eyelids fluttering as she lay back on the tile floor. "Shouldn't have let her turn in by herself..."

"Shouldn't have let who, Dashie?"

"Mrrmmmfff... Apple... jack..."

"What was she turning in? A library book? Cuz—boy oh boy—those late fees sting something awful! But enough of that—SAMPLE THIS!" A pink hoof shoved a slice of apple pie into Rainbow's slumbering muzzle.

"Mmmmff-fppfhffklckk!" Rainbow's eyes flashed open, only to cross in shock. She flapped her wings until her head hit the kitchen ceiling of Sugarcube Corner. "Blacckkk-heackkk-raackk!"

"Woops!" Pinkie Pie winced in the center of the warm, smokey kitchen. "Is the crust too flakey?"

"Grnnnghh!" Rainbow Dash fluttered back down, scraping the bits off her tongue. "Friggin' A! Pinkie!" She frowned. "Bleah... You don't—bleachkk—shove pie down the throat of a pony when she's sleeping!"

"But Dashie!" Pinkie's face grew long. "Your two words to me when you showed up hours ago was 'make sure these are scrumptious' and 'wake me up if I start catching some Z's!' I figured what better way to be a loyal friend to the loyalest pony than to do both at once!"

"I'm lucky I didn't choke to death!" Rainbow shook her muzzle with a dangling tongue. "Muahhhh... fehhh..." She gulped, took a deep breath, and blinked. "Wait. What time is it?"

"Somewhere between pie number two hundred and three and pie number two hundred four."

"For r-real?!" Rainbow Dash squinted out the window, rubbed her fuzzy face, and squinted again. Faint daylight hung outside. "Just how many pies were you able to make with that stuff?"

"Oh, my head's too fuzzy right about now!" Pinkie reeled melodramatically. "Quick, what's one hundred and two times two?"

"Derrrr—"

Ding!

"Oh lookie-lookie!" Pinkie spun with a grin and opened the oven with a muzzle-mit. "Mmmmf—Weee! Last one!"

"Wow, Pinkie, you're a life-saver—"

"B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-but!" Pinkie shook her left hoof and held the pie up in her right. "Am I a taste saver, though?!"

"Well... uhm..." Rainbow fidgeted. "How can we find out?"

Pinkie leaned forward with a grin. "Are you awake now?"

"I... think?"

Splat! Pinkie whalloped Rainbow in the face with the apple pie.

"You tell me!" Pinkie bounced in place. "Did I save the day or not?!"

"Grrrrrghh—Pinkie! I swear, I'm gonna..." Rainbow stopped in mid grumble, licking up the fruity curds sliding down her face. Her pupils shrank as her body froze like a sky-blue exclamation point. "Whoah. This is really darn good."

"Heeeeeee!" Pinkie hopped on her hind legs and clapped her hooves together. "I knew it! Best overnight baking session evarrrrrrrrr—Whoah!" Cross-eyed, she lost her balance and slipped back into a stack of flour. Coughing, she sat up—a pale ghost of what she once was. "So, you like?"

"It's not a question of whether or not I dig it!" Rainbow Dash trotted briskly over to a mountainous stack of metal trays, each full of apple pie after apple pie. "But will the mountain buffalo?!"

"Uhm..." Pinkie scratched her alabaster head. "Perhaps if you gave them some shovels?"

"No time to explain! I gotta make like the wind and blow!" Rainbow flung the rear door of the kitchen open and took wing. "Don't move the pies one inch, Pinkie! I gotta steal—er, I mean—borrow a chariot from Banner Company!"

"Okie Dokie Lokie!" Pinkie scooped up a flake of splattered pie contents from the tile floor and licked it. "Hmmmm... totally worth the shovels!" She giggle-snorted to herself.

In the meantime, Rainbow was sailing out the door. She only flew about ten feet before grinding to a stop against the dewy grass. "Unnngh!" Wincing, she tried pushing herself up, only for her legs to wobble and quiver. "Oh, come the buck on..." Sighing, she gave her saddlebag a shake, hearing the pill container rattle inside. Taking a deep breath, she clenched her jaw and shook her head. "No, girl. You can last longer." Flapping harder, she strained and tore herself across town towards the warehouse. "Just a little longer... f-for her!"

Part Four: Granite Mountain Shuffle
(Where Rainbow Dash Goes on an Adventure of Bison, Pies, and Pegasus Nerves)

Rainbow Dash Flies Northeast

One of the greatest joys in Rainbow Dash's life was taking a spontaneous trip somewhere in the crisp early hours of a bright and sunny morning.

This was not one of those occasions.

With panting breaths, she beat her wings harder and harder, struggling over the course of an hour to find the perfect rhythm with which to keep both herself and the cart full of pies behind her aloft. At last, after increasing her altitude to a shivering position above the cloud cover, she found the perfect speed and pace to continue her trek. On several occasions, she would look over her shoulder to see how the chariot was fairing. The pies rattled in place, keeping even and level with her trajectory. About two hours in, she finally afforded herself a breath of relief, and continued throttling her way northeast.

At least she thought that she had to go northeast. Whipping out a localized Map of Equestria that she had bought randomly at the Ponyville drugstore, she spread it open with her hooves and struggled to keep the flimsy paper steady. Her eyes narrowed on various geographical locations—both recognizable an alien: Froggy Bottom Bog, Whitetail Woods, the Undermarshes, and the wide expanse of Dream Valley beyond. Her ruby eyes scanned north of the western edge of a body of water called the Sea of Songs, and it was there that she spotted a jagged cleft of mountains. One particular peak grew higher above the rest, and next to its squiggly lines a series of characters read: "Granite Mountain."

Rainbow judged that—even at her speed—the trip would take the better part of a day. Then she didn't judge anything, for the map slipped from her hooves and flew straight into her muzzle.

"Mmfmmff-mmfmffnng-drrrnn-itttttttt!" She heard the chariot rattling as her wings gave slack and she descended a little. With much fuss, she defeated the evil map, crumpling back into a fascimile of being "folded." She evened out, panting, and glanced over her shoulder again. None of the pies had fallen loose from the ordeal. She sighed heavily, flexed her back muscles, and angled her flight a little bit towards the north, heading towards the grayer haze of the morphing horizon.

It never ceased to amaze Rainbow Dash just how luscious Equestria was, especially its eastern provinces beyond the shadow of Canterlot. Rolling hill after rolling hill undulated beneath her, springing forth patches of emerald forest and crystal clear lakes. The townships here were tiny, quaint, and each a sizable doppelganger of the Ponyville she and her friends called home. Rainbow Dash pondered in the midst of her flight if each village might have an alternate group of friends, a mirroring gaggle of acquaintances—all learning precious lessons about harmony, friendship, and loyalty.

There would ever only be one Applejack. Rainbow Dash flew harder.

A dark gray patch of urbanscape loomed toward the south. Without looking at the map, Rainbow Dash judged that it must have been Baltimare. She saw trainlines running in and out of the metropolitan city limits, and the puttering sights of zeppelins and airships hovering around the tallest buildings in the distance.

Then, a little later and towards the north, Rainbow Dash spotted a blurry structure hanging high in the troposphere, situated above a forked talon of multiple conjoining rivers. She judged that it must have been Avianxandria, the floating city built by both pegasi and griffons. For a brief moment, Rainbow Dash thought of Gilda, and a dull weight formed in her belly.

An hour later, as the sun hovered high in the sky, Rainbow Dash found a grassy plateau and parked there with the chariot. She sat on the northeast precipice, eating a daffodil sandwich that she had hastily slapped together before setting out for her journey. She had left her ketchup packets at home, and she cursed the living air she was breathing because of it.

When she tried to get up, her legs had turned to jelly. She groaned inwardly, staring at the lengths of landscape left for her to cross. With a defeated sigh, she reached into her saddlebag, pulled out the container, and popped a pill. It had been at least eight hours since her last consumption, and she felt a twinge of pride. However, the container was rattling less and less, and the thought of it made her blood run cold.

As a solution, she took off immediately, pulling the heavy chariot after her as she rocketed upwards and against the winds. She could instantly feel the effect that the medicine was having; her speed had increased three-fold. She burned her way northeast, ripping through wind gusts, pulling the chariot as if it was a basket of flowers.

The valleys of Equestria positively swam beneath her now, and soon there were no valleys whatsoever. The landscape sloped upwards, growing more and more uneven as mountains poked up out of the earth. She saw a few townships along the slopes, the last traces of pony civilization, and then all was exposed rock and steep cliffs. She had to ascend with each passing minute, careful not to fly smack-dab into a mountain face on account of random patches of fog.

At last, she spotted a jagged peak in the distance that mimicked the illustration that had been on her map. Granite Mountain rose like a majestic eagle above all the other stone forms, and halfway up the thing's southern face—highlighted by the setting sun in the west—was a tall patch of solid blue surface.

"Is that... a friggin' door?" Rainbow Dash's eyes narrowed as she descended carefully with the chariot full of apple pies at her tail. "Hmmm... here's hoping the buffalo believe in late afternoon house calls."

Enter Churning

"Hello?!"

Knock knock knockkkk.

"Uhm... Hey there? Somepony?! Anypo—erm... goshdarnit, ahem. Anybuffalo?!"

Nothing happened. The talls oak doors loomed above Rainbow Dash in silence. A drafty wind blew against the south edge of the Granite Mountain, blowing pebbles and streams of dust across her hooves.

She shivered but made a brave attempt not to show it.

"Hey, uhm, I know it's late n'all, but I promise you that this is gonna make your whole friggin' day!" Rainbow's voice echoed against the rock, rock, and more rock. "For real, you guys! Your mouths will never forgive you if you pass up this opportunity!"

More silence.

"Egads, this is why I never went into sales." She knocked again, far more heavily this time. "Hey! Open up!" Her banging hoof sent dull vibrations up the rattling doorframe. "Your culture believes in hospitality n'stuff, right?! Or is it all just stampeding and headbutting?! I mean, all that's pretty cool, but this is cool too! Er... I mean it's piping hot and fresh! Well, okay, maybe mildly warm 'cuz of the long distance flight it took me to carry these things here... but... you guys know how to build a fire, right?"

Another gust of air blew, kicking at Rainbow's mane and tail.

She frowned. "Alright, look! Official business! You've all heard of Fancy Pants, right? Well, I'm here to represent him! I'm his... uh... business partner! Yeah! And I have something really snazzy to give you all! I bet you're really gonna love it! I don't want gold or silver or... uhm... necklace beads or any of that stuff! I just wanna open up free passage to the caves with all the cloudstone! I mean, you guys aren't usin all of that crud, so what's the big deal, right?! Come on out and let's chit-chat, pony to... big, bulky and brown non-pony!"

"Why are you yelling?" asked a voice to Rainbow's side.

The pegasus jolted in place, her mane sticking out in six different colors. She spun, panting.

A hooded quadruped turned to glance at her. "You talking to someone?"

"Well, I'm trying but I'm getting no response!" Rainbow hollered the last three words towards the door, frowning. "I've been travelling all friggin' day to get here and I'm at my wit's end! Is it mountain hibernation season or what?!"

"Maybe nobody's home."

"It's a huge flippin' mountain for crying out loud!" Rainbow Dash spun a scowling expression. "You're telling me that every soul in there just packed up and left for spring break? Is Daytrot Beach leasing out ocean-side mountains now?"

"Or maybe they just don't want to be disturbed."

"Disturbed?! Why have a door here unless they expected ponies to knock on it—?!" Rainbow froze at the end of her utterance and stared bug-eyed at the figure. "Wait! You're a buffalo, aren't you?! Don't you have an explanation?"

"Me? A buffalo?" The figured pulled his hood down, revealing a pair of curled horns. "Not since the last time I checked," the mountain ram said, his fluffy white goatee flouncing in the wind. "But, if you must know, I think they're a not answering because they're an intensely proud, private, and introverted race of majestic creatures." A blink, and then he smiled. "Or—heheh, yeah—they may be too busy head-butting."

Rainbow Dash's eyes narrowed. "You telling me I came here all the way just to knock on their door for nothing?!" She pointed at the massive frame.

The ram tilted his fuzzy head up. "Hmmm? Oh, no." He shook his horns. "This isn't their door."

"This isn't—Pblbllblbbtt!" Rainbow Dash almost barfed up her own trachea. "Not their door?!"

"Naw..." The ram adjusted the weight of his saddlebag, pivoted on cloven hooves, and pointed up a winding, graveling path that lead towards the western face of the mountain. "The buffalo live up the road, about three hundred clicks and a sharp right turn. Pretty steep stuff. Not easy for most travelers to scale. But hey!" He smirked from horn-to-horn. "You did pretty snazzy, if I do say so myself."

"Then whose huge thick doors of doom are these?!"

The ram shrugged. "Beats me. I've never bothered to knock on it. I'm guessing they're neighbors to the buffalo who moved out ages ago."

"But... it... that... grrrrrrrggghh!" Rainbow Dash's flushed head could boil an egg.

"So, you wanna go see the buffalo, huh?" The ram trotted a few steps up the gravel path. "Well, hopefully they are in the mood to have company, cuz I'm making my weekly trip and I'm kind of chompin' at the bit. Heh... no pun intended, Miss Pony Lady Thingy, ma'am."

"You know your way around this place, huh?"

"Jeez, I hope so. Cuz if I fell to my death ages ago and all I am now is a woolie mountain ghost, then I'd be really cheesed." He smirked with a wink. "Oh, I sell the buffalo these, by the way." That said, he opened his satchel to display a rattling pile of hoof-mirrors, makeup compacts, and tiny wooden framed panels of glass.

Rainbow's face scrunched up. "What would the buffalo need with a bunch of tiny mirrors?"

"Beats the spit out of me," he said. "Maybe they like looking fabulous and need them for beauty pageants. Whatever floats their big, bulky boats... not like that there are any lakes up here." He blinked, then stroked his goatee in thought. "Or are there?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh—"

"Ah well. You don't look like the kind of pony who's used to carrying mirrors around, so I guess you're not competition." He hopped and bounced his way up the gravel path. "Come along! I'll show you the quickest way up the mountain!"

"Jee, thanks." Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, fitted her self to the chariot, and pulled the thing, straining. "R-really! I mean it!"

"Oh, I bet you do!" he chuckled slightly, leaping his way one jutting cliff at a time. "You certainly have a lot of hubcaps to sell!"

"Actually... nnnngh... they're apple pies!"

"Ohhhhh. I see." The mountain ram paused, then glanced back, his horns breaking the slanted sunlight. "What's an apple?"

"Only the tastiest, tangiest, juiciest fruit in the world." Rainbow Dash huffed and puffed as she strained to carry the bulging cart up the inclined path. "Not to mention one third of a really, really sexy cutie mark."

"Ahhhhh..." The ram nodded again, then squinted. "What's a cutie mark."

"Look, I'd really just like to get to where the buffalo..." Rainbow Dash hesitated, then sighed. "...roam." She swallowed. "So, if you don't mind, Mr...?"

"Churning," he said with a proud smile. "Churning Bag."

Rainbow Dash grimaced. "How the hay did you get a name like 'Churning Bag?'"

"Heheheh... hehhhhh..." He cleared his throat and hop-hop-hopped ahead. "You don't wanna know."

Mmmmm... Bison

"No need to sweat it, pony!" The mountain ram frolicked his way happily up the red-tinted rocks of Granite Mountain in the sunset. "Scaling a cliff-face doesn't have to be a chore! Heh... just think of it as hopscotch, only with more avalanches and bloodthirsty cougars!"

"Look... nnnngh..." Rainbow Dash hissed, perspiring profusely as she slaved to pull the wagon up the steep incline. "Chirping Boy."

"Churning Bag."

"Whatever." Rainbow gulped, her hooves briefly slipping on the loose gravel sliding past her and the cart. "Guhh! Fuuuu... Ahem. Glad you're so chipper about this death drag and all—"

"Who, me? Pffft. I've lived around these peaks all my life! I was climbing the foothills before my horns even grew out! And then I was scaling the cliffs before my... uhm... o-other body parts grew out. Ahem."

"So, then, you've butted heads with the buffalo on several occasions?"

"Ungh!" Churning paused on a teetering boulder. He twirled about, forcing the bulbous chunk of rock to wobble beneath his agile body. "And here I was hoping that the first pegasus I met in forever would not be equinist!"

Rainbow Dash froze, legs-locked in a quivering squat. "I'm afraid you've lost me."

"Rams most certainly do not 'butt heads!"

"Oh. Uhm... I'm totally sorry—"

He smiled wide. "It's the buffalo who buttheads! Me and my horns? Pffft. I'd be cheating. Nah, I'm just happy to sell them my wares."

"Mirrors, right?"

"Yup. Sometimes blindfolds too."

Rainbow's pupils shrank. "Uhhhh..."

"Yeah. I wouldn't suggest asking either." Churning kicked off the boulder, sending it toppling madly into the ravine just a hair's breadth from Rainbow's muzzle. "Best to just sell the buffalo what they want and not ask any more questions!" He said as he hopped his way up the jagged cliffs. "'Don't buffalo the buffalo!' My wise uncle said that once! Before he became vulture food, that is!"

Rainbow winced, her ears twitching from the loud crash that the boulder made at the bottom of the ravine. "Well..." She hissed under her teeth as she strained and yanked herself up the path. "Do you know if they love pies?!"

"Who, vultures? Maybe if you stuff them with pickled chipmunks!"

"No, the buffalo."

"Can't say that they get much up here in the mountains that hits their sweet tooth!" Churning paused to grin down at her. "Heck, they're too busy with chipped tooths! Hah!" He slapped his hoof down, causing pebbles to rain down. "Boy, I'd soooo write that down if I had fingers!"

Rainbow Dash winced as a few tiny stones ricocheted off the top of her fuzzy head. She rubbed her scalp, frowning upwards. "I see you inherited your late uncle's knack for timing."

"Speaking of which!" Churning turned and spread both cloven hooves forward. "Ta-daaaaaa!"

"Why the jazz hooves?" Rainbow Dash panted and panted as she pulled the cart onto an even level. She blinked, unhooked herself, and trotted over until she stood by his side. "That's it?"

The ram turned from where he stood before a narrow cave entrance covered with a flimsy, wind-blown brown flap. "What? You were expecting a moat full of crocodiles?"

"Or at least rabid armadillos, sure." Rainbow Dash nodded, wiping the sweat from her brow. She winced at the sight of the flap. "Is..." Her eyes narrowed. "Is that leather."

"Relax, I'm sure it's no one you know!" Churning bounced towards the flap, looking back. "After all, when was the last trans-continental pony war?"

Rainbow frowned. "Ponies don't make wars."

"Heh. Yeah. And my girlfriend doesn't make milk—" Just as he reached the flap, a creature thee times his and Rainbow's side burst out, his horns dangling with glittering crystals and arrowheads. "Whoa dayum!"

"Grrrrr! The Churning brings the buffalo more sea shine, buffalo?!"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaa-hahaha—yeah!" The mountain ran recovered, scratching the back of his head and rattling his saddlebag for good measure. "Lots of sea-shinies for buffalo rump-hinies. Or however you put it." He winked back at Rainbow and pointed. "Local idiom. You gotta talk like an ogre whose tongue is stuck to tree sap."

Thud! The huge bison stomped his hooves down in front of the woolie creature, making the whole mountaintop shake. "The buffalo demands the Churning show his strength before the buffalo, buffalo!"

"Whoahhhh! Hey hey heyyyy... I'd love to, pal! But give me a break!" Churning pointed at his satchel. "They're super-merry-go-round fragile! I mean, you guys remember last time with the crystal balls, right?"

Two more snorting, angry bison stuck their heads out of the entrance as the one in the front snarled into the ram's face. "Let it be up to the buffalo to determine if the Churning can out buffalo the buffalo, buffalo! If the sea shinies shatter to bits, it is the fault of the Churning's unbuffalo weakness, buffffffffalo!!"

"Alright! Alright! Have it your way! But I'm tellin' ya... eh heh heh... ya guys aren't makin it any easier!" Churning backed up.

Rainbow was busy rubbing the edge of her hoof against her inner ear. "Nnnngh... what's with all the spittaking?"

"It's their snazzy little test."

"What kind of snazzy little test?"

"Eh... best that you watch and learn." Churning spread his knees apart and took a deep breath.

Rainbow Dash blinked awkwardly—until she heard a grinding sound. She looked ahead.

The middle buffalo was scraping his hooves, snorting, scraping and snorting. At last, as the veins in his eyes flashed red, he tore forward, yelling the entire way. "Rrrrrrgggggh!" He slammed his skull hard as a missile into Churning's cranium. "Buffalo!"

Rainbow winced.

"Nnnngh!" Churning Bag slid back several feet, stopping just inches before western edge of the mountain. When the dust settled, he was standing in one piece. He opened his eyes—squinting—and leaned forward with a smug grin. "Haaah! Eat that with your croutons, big shot!"

The bison hopped up and down with several heavy-hoofed thuds, tossing pebbles into the air beyond their thrashing horns.

"Buffalo!"

"Buffalo!"

"Buffalo!"

"Heh..." Churning gave his bag a slight shake. "And not even a single one broke! Looks like I'm coming down the mountain a rich ram!" He turned and smiled. "They should let you inside the mountain too, presuming you survive."

"Huh?" Rainbow glanced aside. "Survive what?"

"Rrrrrgh! Too. Many. Colorssss!" Hooves scraped as a brown mass of muscle rushed Rainbow's way. Stomp stomp stop! "Prove to buffalo that you have the right to speak, buffalo!"

Wham!

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaiiieeee!" Rainbow soared clear off the mountainside in a prismatic streak.

"Remember, knees apart—awwww..." Churning winced, his ears drooping. "Too late."

"Buffffffalo!"

Dances with the Dashies

“Hey, uhm, big fella?” Churning Bag pivoted on the rock he was standing on and waved a cloven hoof. “I’m a huge fan of your super snazzy headbutt greetings n’all, but you totally just killed my friend.”

”Was flying color wheel’s own fault for not being buffalo enough to face buffalo!” The bison in question snorted and slammed his hooves down into a deep impression of the plateau. ”Buffalo!”

“At least…” Churning stroked his goatee while staring into the mountainous horizon in thought. “...I think he was my friend.”

“Gughh!” Rainbow Dash flew back, sliding to a bruised stop along the edge of the cliff. Stars spun around her blue face as she laid her wings to either side like crooked zig-zags. “Unnnnnngh.. that smarts.”

“Hey! You’re not dead!” Churning grinned at her. “Hey, before something spiffy like that happens again, could you tell me if you’re a guy or a gal?”

Rainbow Dash panted and panted--then squinted up at him. “The flying feather is that supposed to mean?!” A quartet of hooves slammed into the ground right in front of her. “Gaaah!” Rainbow curled up into a frightened little ball.

“Grrrrr! Buffalo saw color wheel fly into great burning sky, buffalo!” The buffalo buffalo’d, snorting. ”This enrages buffalo with confusion, buffalo! Explain! Buffalo!!!”

“Look, bright eyes…” Rainbow Dash shook, wobbled, and finally pushed herself into an upright position. “All I want is to see if you rock squatters would be willing to buy a bunch of scrumptious apple pie for passage through to the hollow of the mountain that has the cloudstone--”

”Aaaaaaaah!” The buffalo shrieked like an infant, his tiny eyes quivering in the center of his bulky skull. “”Aaaaaaaahh! Color wheel wishes to enter Cloudstone caves, buffalo?! Does she wish to die, buffalo?!”

“So… uhm… are you or aren’t you a mare?” Churning asked. “Whoah!”

Rainbow had just shoved him aside to stomp towards the bison. “Hold up. What’s wrong with the places where the Cloudstone is?” She raised an eyebrow. “My employer--erm…” She shuddered. “My business partner, Fancy Pants, has a substantial interest in what’s lying inside the heart of your mountain. So, like, if you’re not using any of the crud…” She shrugged with a forced smirk. “What’s the problem with giving some of it up? I’ve got stuff here to make it worth your whiiiiiiile!” Rainbow Dash zipped over to the chariot and picked up the first of several apple pies. “Fresh, juicy apple filling! Can you say ’apples’?”

”Buffalo!”

“No, it… nnkkt…” Rainbow Dash frowned and pointed at the dessert again. “Apple! A-P-P-L-E!”

”Buffalo!”

”Buffalo!”

”Buffalo!”

Rainbow gritted her teeth. “Okay, look, can I please talk to somebison who wasn’t dropped on his horns at birth?”

“You gotta just roll with it if you wanna level with ‘em,” Churning said. “You’re a smart dude. You can handle it.”

“Yeah, sure--And will you quit it?!”” Rainbow snarled at him, just a twitching inch away from dousing the mountain ram with a face-full-of pie. “Notice the curve of the muzzle. I’m as feminine as a bed of flowers, you… you… doorbell!”

“My bad!” Churning smirked. “Just, from the way your voice was cracking every other sentence, I figured you were a stallion reaching stampede age!”

“What do you mean my voice cracks every other sentence?!” Rainbow blinked. She held a hoof around her throat. “Darn it…” she whimpered.

”If color wheel wants to enter cloudstone cave then surely she wishes to die, buffalo!”

“Oh come on!” Rainbow Dash pivoted and frowned at the mountain residents. “It can’t be that bad! Besides…” She winced and rubbed her aching skull. “I passed your haybrained skull collision test thingy! Can’t you cut me some slack?”

”Hrmmmmmmmm…” The three bison stared at each other, shaking/nodding their heads and murmuring in a tight circle. ”Buffalo.” “Buffalo?” “Buffalo buffalo!” “Buffalo?” “Buffalo…” They turned to face Rainbow again, frowning.

”Color wheel has a point, buffalo!”

“Well, great!” Rainbow trotted forward, dragging the chariot with her. “Then let’s get this pie party started--”

”BUFFALO!” One yelled, sticking a hoof in Rainbow’s face and stopping her. ”Buffalo will not entertain to buffalo any of the color wheel’s wares of weakness, buffalo! Not until she has spoken to most buffalo’d of buffalo, Buffalo that Bags Well, buffalo!”

“Huh?!” Rainbow Dash blinked. “What, you mean--like--your leader or something?”

“Yup…” Churning sighed. “Believe it or not, he’s called that.”

“Well, fine then!” Rainbow Dash stood tall and proud. “I’ll make sure that this Buffalo that Bags Well gets a hearty taste of these pies so that he’ll know that Fancy Pants is ready to play ball for Cloudstone, no matter how dangerous it is.”

The bison all stared at her with blank, drooling expressions.

Rainbow sighed, rolled her eyes, and grunted out the side of her mouth. “...buffalo.”

”BUFFFFFFALO!” With stomping hooves, the bison rushed over to the leather flap and held it open, gesturing for the two outsiders to enter the interior of the mountain.

“Heh… Well that wasn’t so bad,” Rainbow said with a shudder.

“If you say so.” Churning gestured. “Ladies first.”

The pegasus glared at him as she passed on by. “This buffalo chief had better have an ounce more brain matter than the rest of these schmucks or I’ve a good mind to suck the Cloudstone out with a straw.”

“Oh, I think this place’s leader will be the least of your issues.”

“Huh?” Rainbow glanced back at the ram. “What do you mean by that?”

“You might wanna hold your breath right about now.”

“My breath--?” Rainbow was only ten meters inside when she got a good whiff of the place. “Oh goddess! Bleachkkkkkk!”

Seven Years Buffalo Luck

“It’s not so bad once you’ve taken about ten breaths or so,” Churning Bag said as he trotted alongside Rainbow and her wagon. “Oh, and I’d duck if I were you.”

“Bleachkkk…” Rainbow finished retching just long enough to blink nauseously at him and utter, “Duck?” Clang! Her head collided with a large hanging mirror. “Oww!”

She leaned back, rubbed her blue muzzle, winced, and rubbed her muzzle again. Gazing up, her vision came back into focus, and she saw a veritable forest of mirrors hanging from stalactites via metal wires and rustic cables. Soon, a grand torchlit cavern stretched before her, covered all over with mirrors of over three dozen different makes and models.

“Yup!” Churning hopped ahead, his satchels rattling. “The Granite Mountain Buffalos sure do love their mirrors,” he said. “Or, y’know, just shiny things in general.” Her glanced over his shoulder at her. “And I don’t think it’s ‘cuz their vain or some such, but something else. Some really deep, intriciate, buffalo thing.”

“Oh. Right.” Rainbow grumbled as she strained to pull the cart along the uneven path in the winding cavern. “Because these guys’ culture is soooooooo complicated.”

”Watch your buffalo step, buffalo!” one of the guides hollered. ”We’re about to enter the buffalo hall of bashing buffalo, buffalo!”

“I think it was a wise mountain ram who said ‘Speak loudly but carry a tiny brain,’” Churning uttered with a smirk.

“Is this something from your uncle again?” Rainbow asked. “Cuz I get the feeling he bashed his horns one too many times.”

“Lemme ask you something,” Churning remarked. “Why are you so dead-bent on selling these guys apple pies?”

“Well, why are you big on selling them mirrors?”

He shrugged. “I chanced upon a good sale one day. Turns out these dudes really warm up to shiny, reflective thingies. So I tried it the next couple of trips, and it yielded endless profit! It’s almost as if the buffalo need to constantly see what’s around the corner of every tunnel!”

“Creepy. What’s up with that?”

“I dunno. Maybe they wanna get a leg-up on whoever it is they’re head butting next? Gotta be easy to bash your skull in if you’re prepared for it ten seconds in advance.” Churning looked at her again in mid-trot. “Now, what about dem apples?”

Rainbow sighed. “I’ve had a history of negotiating with buffalo before.”

“Really?” Churning blinked. “And you can still walk straight?”

She frowned. “Long story short, the one thing… the one single thing that got these dudes to stop waging war on a local population of settler ponies was the taste of apples. I guess I was hoping that it’d be… I dunno… genetic or something.”

“I hate to say it, girl. But unless those pies are full of reflective glitter, then I’m not sure the buffalo are gonna bite.”

“We’ll just see about… that…” Rainbow’s speech lingered as she looked up, up, up… gawking.

They had entered a large chamber with a very high ceiling. Torchlight glittered across walls stapled with mirrors and looking glasses, giving every buffalo a warped fun house look everytime they trotted about. And trot about they did, navigating platforms, indoor buttes, wooden planks, walkways, and lofty burrows. Buffalo young and old could be seen talking, snorting, and headbutting on every elevated level imaginable. The place held its own degree of majesty, even if the tranquility of the scene was shattered entirely by a cacophonous mix of snorting, yelling, and hoof-grinding.

“Wowsers. I should spelunk through caves more often,” Rainbow Dash murmured.

“Don’t get too comfortable,” Churning said, standing still and holding a hoof out.

“Why’s that?” Wham! A buffalo rammed the pegasus in the side out of nowhere.

Churning was in the right position to calmly catch Rainbow’s chariot before it collapsed on its side.

”Buffalo!”” The bison snarled into the torchlight, his horns dangling with crystals and prisms. ”Make yourself at buffalo home, weak non-buffalo stranger, buffalo!”

“Guhhhh…” Rainbow Dash trembled to pick herself up. “Seriously! What crawled up these dudes’ brain stems and died?”

Whackk! Another bison rammed her from behind. ”Take your buffalo shoes off if you have any, buffalo!!!”

“To be honest, I’m surprised you haven’t been hit more than that!” Churning said with a smirk, once again stabilizing the cart of pies. “Most newcomers can hardly trot out of this place on account of the horns.”

“Nnnnghhh…” Rainbow struggled up to her hooves, wincing “Why… hckkkt… aren’t they h-hitting you?”

“I reckon half of them know that I carry really fragile stuff. Oh! I know!” He reached into his saddlebag, pulled out a hoof-mirror, and tossed the thing at her--handle and all. “Here. On the house--since you’ve got an adorable shade of blue and all.”

Rainbow caught it by the handle in her mouth. “Mrmmmfff…” She spat the thing into her saddlebag. “Jee, thanks.” She blinked. “‘Adorable shade of blue?’” She frowned at the ram. “Look, pal, what are you trying to say--” Whamm!

”Buffalo that bags well waits for you up ahead, non-buffalo, buffalo!”

Churning winced. “Well, so much for good luck.”

“Mmmf… That’s it…” Rainbow Dash unhitched herself, zipped to the back of the cart on blurring wings and began pushing all the way towards the dark lair waiting at the far end of the cavern. “I’m friggin’ flying the rest of the way.”

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Buffalo

As Rainbow and Churning entered a lone alcove at the far end of the cavern, a buffalo guard went ahead of them and shouted into the echoing interior.

”Buffalo who Bags Well, these non buffalo have come with buffalo wears to trade with the buffalo, buffalo!”

“Grrrrghhh… not so buffalo loud, b-buffalo!”

Rainbow Dash stopped pushing the cart of apple pies long enough to slump against it with a panting breath. She looked up over the chariot and Churning Bag’s figure.

At the far side of the cave, a stupidly large buffalo stood before the mirror, lifting and lowering a dumbbell held in the crook of his right forelimb’s hoof. A pair of shades with scuffed lenses rested on his muzzle, and he tilted his head to look over the reflection of the messenger that had led Churning and Rainbow there.

“Oh. Churning. It’s you, buffalo.” Buffalo who Bags Well sighed through a flaring nose. His voice was softer than the rest of the mountain dwellers, and it wavered with a nasally pitch. “Praise the sky buffalo and all that crap, buffalo. We’ve broken at least a dozen of these buffalo things since the last time you came.”

“Well, that’s why I’m here!” Churning smiled brightly. “Restocking is my middle name! Along with ‘Elizabeth,’ but we won’t…” The mountain ram sighed towards the side of the cave. “We won’t get into that…”

“And who is this buffalo, buffalo?” He who Bags Well squinted at Rainbow Dash through his shades. “Your assistant?”

“Actually, I’m not here to sell shiny things or help out Elizabe--I mean Churning.” She rolled her eyes, cleared her throat, and said, “I’m here on behalf of Fancy Pants and the Cloudstone trade.”

“Hrmmf…” The lead bison’s nostrils flared. “Oh, that non-buffalo, buffalo.” He sighed. “With a mustache that thin, I’m not surprised he’s sent in a sacrificial lamb.”

“Sacrificial… lamb…?” Rainbow Dash’s eyes squinted.

“Yeah, I know,” Churning grumbled aside. “Personally, I find that very offensive, but that’s just one of the things you have to roll with--”

“I don’t think you get it!” Rainbow Dash floated forward. “Fancy Pants would very much like to get his hooves on the Cloudstone that’s inside the mountain, so long as you guys are not using it, that is. And to make it worth your while, he’s willing to trade some pretty awesome stuff! That’s why I’m here… uhm… You Who Bags Well!” She smiled and gestured with both hooves towards the apple cart. “I happen to be the ambassador of awesome! I have something here that will knock your socks of--that is, if you wore socks and they were somewhere in proximity to your mouths! Cuz these edibles right here are sure to--”

“Unless they are mirrors, globes, or shiny objects, then we are not interested, buffalo.”

Rainbow Dash hovered, blinking. “But… like… these are b-better than mirrors! They’ll melt in your mouth slightly faster than glass!”

“You’re obviously very new at this,” Churning said, brushing past Rainbow Dash. “Lemme lend you a hoof. Free of charge.”

“Look, I think I got this--”

“Buffalo Who Bags Well,” Churning said, bowing with a smile. “What I provide you on a regular basis is important to your survival, as we all know. But what Rainbow Girl here is willing to give you is something that you can all enjoy while in the act of surviving!”

“There is no joy to be had when the buffalo are being buffalo’d by buffalo danger, buffalo!” Buffalo That Bags Well said with a snarl. He slapped the dumbbell down and sighed. “I’m afraid I can’t entertain any non-buffalo ideas from the outside world until we’ve dealt with this buffalo threat…”

“Oh, come on!” Rainbow Dash frowned and folded her forelimbs. “I’ve come all this way just to see you about this! Won’t you at least give it a sample?!”

“Even buffalo taste buds are not immune to buffalo distress…”

“Well, could you at least tell me what the big deal is?!” Rainbow Dash shrugged wildly. “Why all the mirrors and why are they important to your survival?”

“Buffalooooo!” a voice screeched from a leather flap dividing the room from an even smaller chamber. “You didn’t tell me that we had buffalo guests, buffalo!”

He Who Bags Well sighed and rolled his shaded eyes. “They’re not buffalo, mother! They’re traders from beyond the mountain!”

The flap rippled open, and a dangerously withered waif of a bison hobbled forward on crooked legs. Her coat was gray and her eyes were even grayer. ”It makes no buffalo difference, buffalo! Did you at least give them the traditional buffalo greeting like a good little buffalo, buffalo?!”

“No, mother, I did not, buffalo. Besides, one of them is Chrning and you know how he’s always carrying fragile things--”

”No excuses! You’re a buffalo, buffalo, not a horned toad, buffalo!” The elder female bison wobbled slow-as-molasses towards Rainbow Dash. ”Nnnngh! C’mere, you! Let me… nnngh… t-test your strength, b-buffalo!”

Rainbow Dash looked at He Who Bags Well. He Who Bags Well stared back. Rainbow sighed. She stopped hovering and stood in the path of the slowly charging bison. After a full minute had iced by, the elder finally made it to Rainbow’s body, and she tilted forward--lightly tapping Rainbow’s forehead with her horns.

”Nnnnnngh--Th-there! Feel the buffalo strength of the mighty mountain buffalo, b-buffalo!”

“Oh. Ow, my head.” Rainbow Dash plopped down on her haunches after the impact and droned, “I have been outmatched by the sheer strength and physique of the buffalo… buffalo.”

”Damn buffalo straight!” The elder squinted at the cart full of apple pies. ”Buffalo, did you check out the non-buffalo outsider’s hubcaps, buffalo?!”

“No, mother. And besides, they can’t reflect and we don’t need them.”

“Well maybe you do need them and you don’t know it yet!” Rainbow squeaked.

Churning leaned in. “Not exactly the best sales pitch--”

“Look, shuddup!” Rainbow flew up and hovered before He Who Bags Well. “Look, let’s talk it out! What’s the big deal about this Mountain! Why can’t you take in anything but mirrors?”

“Because they protect us from the sl-slithering,” the leader said with a shudder that ran through the entire cavern. “The slithering from the heart of the buffalo mountain, buffalo!”

Rainbow’s eyes twitched. “The… slithering?”

“Mmmmmm… Yes. And to gaze upon the slithering is to invite death.”

”A warrior’s death, it is not, buffalo!” the old bisonette interjected. ”The slithering is a coward that creeps in when we are all buffalo asleep, buffalo!”

He Who Bags Well sighed and picked up another dumbbell. “And yet, it never ever seems to swing by your bed, Mother…”

”What in the buffalo is that supposed to mean, buffalo?!”

“But you guys are all super tough!” Rainbow Dash gestured. “Couldn’t you take this… erm… ‘slithering’ out on your own?”

“Believe us, non-buffalo. Nothing would give us any greater buffalo pleasure! But there is one problem.” He Who Bags Well sneered. “The Slithering stalks us one at a time, buffalo. What’s more, the lair of the Slithering is deep in the heart of the mountain, where your non buffalo friend with the tiny mustache seeks to find Cloudstone, a lofty place that we can’t reach.”

“Huh…” Rainbow Dash folded her forelimbs. “I wonder why Fancy Pants doesn’t know anything about this… Slithering.”

“It is not for non-buffalo to know, buffalo. The Slithering will consume all life, and most cowardly too, buffalo or not, buffalo.” He Who Bags Well turned towards the mirror again and started pumping the dumbbell in his hoof. “We buffalo use the mirrors to see the Slithering’s approach. It has saved many, but the unlucky few of us, buffalo, get snatched away when they least expect it.”

“And you’ve not tried chasing this evil bad thingy down?”

“It is as I said, buffalo.” The leader frowned, adjusting his shades. “The Slithering comes from a lofty place where the buffalo can’t reach.” He paused suddenly, turning to gaze at the pegasus and her wings. “However…”

“Uhhhh…”

He Who Bags Well pointed at Rainbow Dash. “If you, non buffalo, have the buffalo strength to drive out the Slithering so that it will no longer prey on buffalo, then that would make buffalo slightly less angry, buffalo.”

“Oh…” Rainbow Dash blinked. “Really?”

”Tell her to use the hubcaps on it, buffalo!”

“Enough with the buffalo hubcaps, mother, buffalo!” The leader sighed and looked at the flying pony. “If you do this, then the buffalo will consider sampling these…” He grimaced slightly but eventually grunted, “Apples of the pie.”

Rainbow grinned a crescent moon. “Killer! So where do I go to kick some Slithering tail?!”

“The Churning of the Bag knows.”

Churning blinked. “I do?” He then gasped. “Oh! I do!” He motioned after Rainbow Dash as he bounced his way out of the alcove. “Hop along, girly! Lemme give you the grand tour!”

“The grand tour of what?”

“Folks around here like to call it the Bison Boob Tube.”

“Uhhhhhhhhh yeah, no.”

Slamma Ramma

“Seriously, though. Why is it called that?”

“What, a ‘horn?’” Churning replied as he led Rainbow Dash through the winding cavern full of walkways, mirrors, and wandering buffalo. “Well, years ago, the mountain rams of Equestria had a war with the now-extinct goblin kingdom and… well… they did some not-so-pleasant things to the skulls of their dead enemies.”

“No, not that. I mean this place we’re hreaded to.” Rainbow grimaced as she forced herself to say it. “The… mmmnnngh… Bison Boob Tube.”

“You really wanna know that badly?”

“Honestly? No.”

“Good.” Churning smirked as he trotted and hopped up ahead. “Because that’s why I never bothered to find out.”

“And just what kind of a buffalo wears sunglasses indoors?”

“Maybe He Who Bags Well is blind.”

Rainbow glared. “He was looking at me.”

“Oh.” Churning shrugged. “Maybe he was deaf.”

Rainbow groaned in mid-flap. “You know, I think your years of hitting stuff with your skull is starting to wear out on you.”

“Yes, well, your days of having your head in the cloud is starting to air out your brain!”

“What?”

“See?” Churning smirked. “Two can play at that game.”

“No, I mean--Huh? What does that even mean? It doesn’t make any sense!”

“That’s something that isn’t in short supply around here,” Churning said, taking point as the two threaded their way down a narrow corridor full of torchlight. The echoes of grunting and charging buffalo reverberated off the tight walls and glossy mirror surfaces. “I’d be lying if I said there weren’t tons of hooffolk who felt that the buffalo really don’t belong here. All they do is dig deeper and deeper into the mountain and cause avalanches to blanket the foothills outside.”

“That sounds super awful.”

“But, they do find lots of gold and minerals down here!” Churning said as the two entered a brightly-lit chamber. “And you can sell them almost anything, so long as your body survives the initial test when you arrive at their front door. You’re lucky, pony! Heh… first time they knocked me over the edge, I didn’t have wings!”

“You seem to have done well for yourself,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Oh, totally!” Churning paused to look back at her. “Especially for having landed seventy feet on my head!” Cl-clunk! His left horn fell off. “Oh dear.”

Rainbow winced. “Uhhhhh…”

“Unngh… there we go!” Churning picked the horn back up and “twisted” back into place along the left side of his skull. “Uhm… you didn’t see that.”

“Right.” Rainbow shuddered. “Are we there yet?”

“I dunno! You tell me!” And, with a smirk, Churning tilted his fuzzy neck up and gestured towards the ceiling.

Rainbow glanced up and realized that she couldn’t see it. “Whoah…” A tall, winding, vertical tunnel stretched straight above them. “So this is it, huh?”

“Yes,” Churning uttered with a nod. “Thanks for not repeating the name.”

“You’re welcome.” Rainbow Dash floated a little higher, squinting into the darkness. “So, they say the Slithering comes from somewhere up in there?”

“Certainly looks like the kind of place that I’d hide out if I was called ‘the Slithering.’” Churning nodded. “I’d help you do some deep, perilous spelunking, but… well… nature traded my wings for horns when I fell out of my Momma’s butt.”

“You still can, you know.”

“I doubt it. She’s kind of a small sheep.”

“No, I mean…” Rainbow gestured towards the corridor above. “You can help me. I’m used to open skies, not underground rock intestines n’crap.”

“There’s an old saying back in Ramtown…” Churning droned.

“What’s that?” Rainbow smirked. “‘Ow! My head!’?”

“No. It’s ‘what’s in it for me?’”

“Don’t you wanna find out what this ‘Slithering’ junk is?”

“That’s not good enough. I’m already nervous about your whole search to begin with.”

“Pfffft…” Rainbow waved her hoof. “Don’t worry. Whatever’s up there, I’m sure I can take it.”

“It’s not that.” Churning shook his head. “I’m afraid that you’ll succeed!”

“Huh…?”

“Whatever this Slithering thing is--if you get rid of it, then the buffalo will have no need for mirrors and reflective things.” Churning set his hooves straight and tilted his head up. “I’d be out of a job!”

“Wow. That’s kind of…”

“Cold?” Churning shrugged. “That’s the first thing they teach you in the merchant biz. That’s why I like letting my wool grow. It keeps me warm.”

“Well, how about this?” Rainbow Dash folded her forelimbs. “I totally suck at mountain climbing. If this works, and I get Baggy McShadesHoof to buy the apples, then I’ll direct Fancy Pants to pay you for the deliveries.”

Churning blinked. “What?”

“It’ll be simple. I bring the apples here, plus the bits, and you carry them all the way up to the mountain so that you can do the head ramming voodoo that you seem to do so well.”

“But I don’t get it.” Churning pointed. “How do you profit? Seems like you’re burying yourself without an urn here.”

“Dude, I’m totally not in this for profit.”

“Really?”

“With a capital ‘W.’”

“Then what are you even doing here, pony?”

Rainbow Dash sighed. “Look. All that matters to me is that the apples find a place in the market. And this seems to be the ticket.”

“Ohhhhh. So they’re your apples, then?”

“No.”

“Then whose are they?”

“Look, can it with all the questions already!” Rainbow Dash held a hoof out. “You want to carry the apples uphill or not? Either way, however this day ends, you’re gonna profit!”

“Hmmmm…” Churning rubbed his chin. “My father always did tell me to be weary of rushed hoof-shakes.” He licked his lips. “Still, he did drown in a rain gutter.” He smiled and slapped his hoof against Rainbow’s. “It’s a deal.”

“Good. First thing’s first.” Rainbow flew up a few feet. “I’m gonna need you to light the path.”

“Uhhhh…” Churning shifted where he stood. “I didn’t exactly bring a flashlight.”

Rainbow darted back down, holding a lit torch from the nearby wall. “Anypony tell you that you’re cute when you’re stupid?” She propped the torch sideways through his horns and lifted him up with a burst of her wings.

“Gaaaaaiieeee!” Churning dropped his bag of wares as the pegasus carried the two of them up, up, up into the darkness above.

Please, Not Slithering

“Hey, uh, do you smell something?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Churning Bag fidgeted from where he dangled in the pegasus' grip. “Actually. No. I don't smell anything.”

“Exactly!” Rainbow Dash exhaled through a grinning muzzle “Whew! Tell you what—it sucks that this 'Slithering' thing is snatching up buffalo left and right, but if they didn't bathe themselves in bat poop all the time then maybe they'd be less easy to track!”

“I can't imagine the buffalo get much in the way of fresh water up here,” Churning said as the two ascended past layer and layer of craggy rock. The torch in his horns lit the blurring surfaces of the vertical passage around them. “I once asked them how they washed up for dinner, and it was around the time they tried explaining what it took to communally spit into a bucket that I decided I was done listening.”

“Just what kind of a thing would prey on them?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Like, for real, I don't get carnivores.”

“What, and you think I do?”

“I guess they're kind of meaty,” Rainbow said with a shrug. “Though all the bumpiness and pointiness can't be good for the throat.”

“You and I are rather scrawny,” Churning said. “Maybe whatever it is would pass us up.”

“Eh. Perhaps.”

Churning's eyes went narrow. “I meant that as a joke.”

“Whatever.”

He glanced up at her, almost brushing her belly with the flickering torch. “I can't help but notice that you have a distinct lack of fear when it comes to stuff that could kill us.”

“Listen, buddy, in barely a quarter of a century, I've a life more awesome than fifty ponies thrown together. If something was to cancel my swagger tomorrow—pffft—so be it, but they'd better have a good stomach to digest my radicalness.”

“You're rather fatalistic for an apple merchant.”

“For the last time, they're not my apple pies.”

“Then whose are they?”

“Hang on a sec.” Rainbow Dash slowed her ascent. “I see a ledge.” She flew towards it. “I think I see a regular cave up here.”

She came upon a flat stretch of rock and planted the two of them down. Churning swiveled his head around, casting the burning light across the porous rock and dangling stalactites. Rainbow Dash crawled ahead of him.

“Yeah, if I 'slithered,' this is soooooo where I would hang out,” Rainbow said.

“You didn't answer my question.” Churning bounced after her with the torchlight. “Whose apple pies are you selling that makes it worth risking life, limb, and lip gloss?”

“Let's just say a friend and leave it at that.” Rainbow Dash froze, blinked, and glared back at him. “And I so don't wear lip gloss!”

“Must be some friend,” Churning said with a smirk. “Extended relative, perhaps?”

“Ew, no!”

“A sister?”

“Double ew! Look...” Rainbow strolled ahead by about five paces in the shadows. “She needs someone to buy these apples way more than I do—or anypony, for that matter. If I can give Fancy Pants an excuse for delivering them to the buffalo of Granite Mountain here, then it can give her and her apple farm the edge that's needed to get back into the business.”

“Was this her idea?”

“No, it's mine.”

“Well, I sure hope she's okay with her close friend risking everything on her account.”

“She... uh...” Rainbow Dash gulped. “She doesn't exactly know about it.”

Churning made a face. “You're doing this behind her back?”

“It's for her own good. Simple as that.”

“Heh...” Churning smirked. “If I didn't know better, I'd say that those are the kinds of words a lover would use.”

“Hmmmmmmmmmm...” Rainbow exhaled dreamily with a smile. “Yeahhhhh—No! I-I mean no!” She frowned back at him. “What are you going on about?!”

“Heh. I gotta say, sister. Your face is like a scarlet labyrinth. It's full of twists and turns on the inside and red on the outside!”

Rainbow rubbed her fuzzy cheek, feeling the blood rushing through her facial muscles. She pouted, glaring away from the ram. “That's just the torchlight.”

“Sure it is!” Churning chuckled, then pointed. “And that wall behind you is moving.”

“Meh.”

“Uhm...” Churning suddenly paled, his pupils shrinking. “Why is that wall behind you moving?”

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash casually looked over at a swath of glossy scales bulging past her. With a low rumbling noise, a giant leg scraped past her, followed by another leg, then another and another and—

“Luna's nipple!” Rainbow Dash plowed Churning to the ground, used her hooves to stamp out the torch, then crouched down beside him.

“What in the name of Shearing Day is—?!”

”Shhhhhh!” Rainbow Dash held his muzzle shut as her teeth clenched tightly. Together, the two watched in the darkness as a thick, solid body rolled past them. Multiple claws scraped against the craggy surfaces of the tunnel. At one point, the huge mass paused, and down towards the vertical chamber, a bright light flashed—like a beacon. It waved around, dancing with breathy vapors that billowed in tune to a snarling breath. Then—following a loud hiss—the rest of the massive thing slithered out and downward, disappearing beyond sight of the horizontal passageway's end.

At last, Rainbow Dash and Churning stood up, their eyes locked on the faint splotch of light that came from the chamber.

“Is it just me...?” Churning spoke. “...or is that thing heading down to—?”

“Where the buffalo roam?” Rainbow Dash nodded. She hoisted the ram up to his hooves. “Come. Quickly!” She galloped ahead as he followed closely behind, stumbling in the darkness. When they reached the end, Rainbow and the ram peered down.

“It went down to where Buffalo Who Bags Well is...” Churning glanced aside. “Didn't it?”

“Only one way to find out.” Rainbow grabbed the gasping ram. “Goddess, how I hate backtracking.”

“Just d-don't go too f-f-fasssssst!” Churning's voice yelped as the two plunged together.

Dash Out of Here, Stalker

When Rainbow Dash reached the bottom level, she didn’t immediately land, instead choosing to navigate the twisting and winding passageways of the buffalo dwelling by gliding wings, holding Churning Bag the whole time.

“Why aren’t you touching down?” the mountain ram asked.

“Shhhh!” Rainbow hissed, flapping her strong wings. “We’re quieter if we remain airborne.”

“We are?”

“So long as we don’t yap on and on like friggin’ pet hyenas!” Rainbow grunted.

Churning held his breath, watching as wall after wall of mirrors glinted past his peripheral vision. Rainbow carried the two up and over bridges, past platforms, and through narrow corridors. The whole time, not a single buffalo made its presence known.

“Where is everybondy?” Churning slurred.

“Beats me,” Rainbow muttered, her eyes darting left and right as the two hovered high in a circular chamber flanked with empty wooden platforms. “Looks like they all ran for the hills.”

“I hate to break it to ya, girl, but we’re inside the hills.”

Rainbow Dash winced. “Yeah…” She gulped nervously at the low ceiling and even lower walls. “Bogus.”

“Hey!” Churning hissed under his breath. “Did you see that?”

“See what?”

He pointed a cloven hoof towards the lower right area of the torch-lit alcove.

Rainbow’s eyes squinted.

At first, she saw nothing. But then--in the slitted frames of multiple glittery surfaces--she saw a dark shadow appearing and disappearing. A loud noise rumbled around the rocky bend. The mirrors rattled while streams of dust trickled down from the ceiling.

“Bloody hell…” Churning Breath exhaled.

Rainbow glanced at him, rolled, her eyes, and dropped the ram on his flanks.

“Ooof!” He winced, looking up. “B-but I thought you said--”

She waved for him to be quiet, flapping her wings as quietly as she could while diving towards the rattling passageway. Once she reached the tight juncture, she flipped upside down and clasped the ceiling with the crooks of her hooves. Holding her breath, Rainbow Dash scaled the serpentine passageway upside down.

She followed the winding, narrow tunnel--left and right and left again. At last, Rainbow came upon the next chamber of the buffalo’s oversized ant colony of an abode. Abandoned market stands and stalled wooden carts filled the center of an underground thoroughfare. She spotted several satchels, containers, pots, and utensils lying the ground at random, as if dropped by several buffalo without a moment’s hesitation.

The underground chamber was nightmarishly silent. With no wind and no wildlife, the only sound was the occasional flicker of torches, and even that was meager at best.

Rainbow bit her lip, her wings twitching beneath her. Shaking her mane so that it hung behind her ears, she continued crawling, scaling the middle of the ceiling as she approached the rest of the cave from her lofty position.

At one point, she heard the rattle of a wooden crate.

Rainbow stopped dead in her upside down tracks and flung a look behind her.

The leather flap to a bison home rippled to a stop. All was silent yet again.

She raised an eyebrow, then looked forward once again. As she continued creeping, her coat grew slick with sweat. As the seconds progressed into minutes, she felt her legs wobbling, aching. Her little acrobatic act of stealth was starting to take its toll on her. She struggled with the temptation to open her satchel and take another pill, not that Rainbow was aware of a way to down a capsule while hanging like she was.

The pegasus climbed over a courtyard full of blankets, saddlebags, and various other homecrafted goods. The area beneath her opened up, revealing what looked like a blacksmith’s shop and a water fountain. Several canisters had tipped over, spilling water across the granite slabs laid out plate after plate. Rainbow tilted her head down, watching the rippling water.

Suddenly, she froze, for she saw that the steady stream of liquid had been disturbed, and several claw-marks had been freshly streaked across the floor. Each footprint was twice the size of her very own body, with pointed fingers that stretched for several feet.

Gulping, the pegasus murmured, “Brilliant.”

She heard a gasping sound, followed by the rattling of glass. Her eyes darted towards the far end of the market.

The hint of a hairy brown figure stampeded out of view. The reflection of a buffalo streaked past three curved mirrors, side by side. Five seconds later, all of those very same mirrors filled with dark gray scales--stretching and contracting--and then gone with a flurry of tree-trunk sized limbs.

All was silent once more.

Grimacing, Rainbow Dash kicked off the ceiling, flipped, and spread her wings out. Quietly, she glided towards the adjoining tunnel. There, she crouched, tensed her muscles, and crawled ahead after the sound of clopping hooves and rumbling flesh.

Mare, Mare, on the Wall

Rainbow scuffed, scurried, and shuffled her way through the winding corridor, following the sound of a distressed voice. After meandering through a miniature labyrinth of rock and mirrors, she emerged into a long hall segmented by multiple stalactites and stalagmites. She stared through the vertical stony barbs, attempting to get a good view of the source of the frightening sound.

At last, she saw a quivering figure several yards ahead, obscured by multiple rods of rock, a female buffalo stood, leaning dramatically forward. Her body shivered and swayed, and yet her body remained anchored in place as if her hooves were encased in cement.

Rainbow blinked in curiosity. Flapping her wings, she carried herself upwards to get a better view. Ultimately, she discovered that the buffalo had every reason to be stuck in place. Her hooves were stone. What's more, her legs and shoulders were swiftly becoming the same thing. In a wave of glowing white energy, the cowering buffalo was quickly becoming solid-as-iron from her hooves up to her head.

Rainbow Dash's face grimaced. She strafed to the left in midair, catching sight of the buffalo's panic stricken face. She saw the eyes of the creature shrinking in fright, reflecting a glowing light source. Soon, all of the mirrors that clung to the walls and stalagmites around the buffalo shimmered as one.

Still trying to take this all in, Rainbow's eyes darted upwards, for she felt a huge dark shape looming. Her peripheral vision caught dark scales upon dark scales. Huge sinewy limbs flexed and clung to the cavern walls. A slender neck with an even slenderer snout leaned forward, peering maliciously into the buffalo's quivering soul. The reptilian creature's right eye was missing—replaced with a horrible, slashing scar. But something glowed brightly on the left side of its skull. Upon hearing Rainbow's flapping wings, it turned away from the buffalo and towards her. Rainbow's skull throbbed from a singular pulsating eye.

"What—?!" Rainbow grunted as she suddenly fell like a torn kite to the ground, flank-first. "Ooof!" She winced, stuck to the ground. Frightened, she jerked a look behind her.

The very tips of her tail hairs had hardened to craggy pale concrete.

She gnashed her teeth. Soon, the floor all around her shimmered with the pegasus' shadow at multiple angles. Her eyes jerked towards the mirrors; the lightw as coming closer.

The buffalo—her head barely capable of moving—let loose a long shriek.

The light jerked away as the creature aimed its massive snout at her again. Rainbow could see through the multiple angled mirrors that the buffalo finally became all-stone. The monster reached forward with large, jagged talons and picked the bison up off the floor, proceeding to clasp the petrified victim in his jaws like a mother cat might carry a kitten.

And then its many-many legs shuffled towards Rainbow.

Panting, Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and tried to take off. However, the clump of stone that consumed the very tip of her tail hairs was so incredibly dense that it held her to the ground. She grunted and squeaked and growled, but she simply couldn't make it budge through pure lift-off alone.

Slumping back down to her hooves, Rainbow Dash could feel the whole cave shaking from the oversized hellbender rushing towards her. Thinking fast, she curled around, lifted the clump of stone with her muzzle, and—with considerable strain—finally succeeded in rolling the thing onto her shoulders. Her tail stretched up to her backside in an extremely awkward manner.

The multiple legs were upon her. She could hear the creature hissing out the side of its mouth as it bit onto the frozen buffalo.

"Gnnngh!" With a soulful squeal, Rainbow lunged to the side, rolling with the weighted rock for several meters. She came to a stop, hiding just behind a thick stalagmite that separated her from the furious gaze of the Slithering. She heard—and felt—the creature coming to a stop. The air of the chamber echoed with its snarling, gunshot inhales and exhales. A low crocodilian hiss accompanied the breaths and shuffles at all times, growing increasingly in reverberation as the thing stalked ever so closer to where Rainbow hid.

Rainbow heard a loud rattling noise. Looking up, she saw one of several mirrors plastered to the stalagmite in front of her. Scooting the rock behind her rear end, she planted her front limbs against the floor and kicked her rear legs up.

"Grnnngh!"

It took two or three swift impacts, but she succeeded in knocking the one large mirror loose. It fell to the ground before her, shattering and littering the rocky floor with several large shards of glass.

The heavy limbs of the Slithering stopped, paused, and re-shifted, approaching Rainbow's hiding place faster.

Rainbow didn't waste any time. She bent over, fished through the shards, then grabbed a chunk of mirror large enough to fit in the crook of her hooves. She leaned back and jabbed and slashed at the tail hairs. Her sweat slid over her eyes. The chunks of glass around her rattled across the floor with each incoming stomp. At last, the surviving mirrors above her reflected a deathly pulsating light.

At last, Rainbow slashed the stone shard loose. She still had plenty of tail left, and she flicked it as she kicked off the floor with a single flap of her wings. Milliseconds later, claws raked through the cavern air, smashing the stalagmites to pebbles.

Rainbow grunted as she flew through the debris field, twirling so as to knock all of the sediment off. When she evened out, she saw a sea of rocks and mirrors, and all of them reflecting a bouncing, surging light that trailed at her dangling hooves.

Feeling the air heat up with a ravenous hiss, she banked to the left, threaded her way through several more chunks of rock, and dove down the tunnel from which she came. She kicked, jumped, and bounced off the walls in a pure spiral. All the while, a reptilian body sprinted in the reflection, dangling a stone buffalo in its jaws as it came closer and closer.

Finally, Rainbow burst out of the tunnel, gliding swiftly over the cavern full of abandoned vendors and markets. Within seconds, the mass of muscle and scales behind her smashed out of the tunnel. Rainbow didn't dare look back. Instead, she gazed at every errant mirror that she passed, watching as splinters and waves of debris flew into the air from the monster's pursuit.

Gritting her teeth, Rainbow Dash jerked hard to the right, avoided a claw-swipe, bent around, approached the monster's long-long-long girth, and spun upside down in time to glide under its serpentine belly.

Several massive knees went slack, and the creature's weight plunged to the ground. Rainbow shot out from underneath it just milliseconds before its body could crush her. Twirling, Rainbow made for the far tunnel where she expected Churning to be waiting. In mid-flight, however, she felt the air shifting. A faint win tickled her ears. She couldn't imagine the Slithering capable of flight. So, daringly, she glanced back.

An entire wooden shack was flying towards her, thrown like a dollhouse.

"Gaaaah!" Rainbow dove low, skimmed the cave floor, and slid her way into the tunnel. This all happened right as the shack slammed into the junction above her, raining down a splintery sea of wooden shards all across the pegasus' body. She rolled, tumbled, and collapsed—panting. Her eyes could see nothing. She was covered in darkness.

With menacing thuds, the monster marched on a dozen dull legs towards her. Closer and closer...

Ponies, Petrification, and Pew Pew

Rainbow struggled and strained to squeeze her way out from underneath the splintery planks of wood. She felt every beam and hinge rattling as the monster stormed its way closer.

"Nnngh... c-come on... come on!"

By the time the footsteps were thundering in her ears, she felt her limbs tingling in their extremities. A great numbness fell over her body like an icy sheet.

"Oh horseapples!" Rainbow hissed, sweating. "Not here! Not now!" She fished her throbbing hoof left and right beneath the heavy planks, struggling to reach the pill container in her satchel. Time was running out. With a sneering hiss, the creature came upon her.

Just then, a hole exploded in the planks right above her. Rainbow coughed from the sudden wave of sawdust. She squinted up, seeing a pair of butting ramhorns in the torchlight.

"Hey there, girl!" Churning exclaimed. "The heck are you doing under all this wood?"

"Quick!" Rainbow's voice squeaked as she flung both hooves towards him. "Grab ahold! No time to explain!"

"Uhhhhh—" He reached a cloven hoof down. "Okay...?"

The monster's scaled snout plowed through the debris behind her. As she felt her wings freed from the exploding mess, she grabbed Churning as tightly as she could and flapped her feathers against the monster's snrling breaths.

"Whoah!" The mountain ram flailed as the two shot up like a missile. Chunks of wood and shattered mirror parts flew after them. "Is that the monster?! They should have named it the 'Smashing' instead!"

"Churning, this is some real serious vomit!" Rainbow panted. "I saw that thing freeze a buffalo to stone!"

"You're shearing me!"

"No, for real!"

"Just what is that thing?!"

"From what my friend Twilight taught me, I think it's a cockatrice!" Rainbow sweated and flapped her wings harder to outfly the beast. "Only it's one hundred times larger, wingless, and it has the face of a lizard and not a rooster." She grimaced. "So... uh... I guess it's not really much of a cockatrice at all."

"What's a cock-a-tits?"

"Never mind!" Rainbow shouted. "We gotta get the heck out of this mountain and—like—find us an army or something!"

"Holy avalanches!" Churning grinned, gawking at the source of the thundering noise. "Look at the way he carries that buffalo in his mouth!" He squinted. "Does that thing have one eye?"

Rainbow gasped. "No! You stupid goat! Don't look at—!"

It was too late. Rainbow's wings sagged from the sudden weight she was carrying. She looked down to see that the ram's hooves had turned to four petrified white cylinders.

"Uhhhh... why's all the blood—urp—rushing to my head?"

"Churning! Dang it!" Rainbow grunted, sweating profusely as her limp limbs struggled to keep ahold of his doubling, tripling, quadrupling weight. "J-just hang in there! I can hardly—" Wham! She flew blindly into a stalactite. With a stupid grunt, she fell—along with the half stone mountain ram.

"D'oh!" Churning grunted as he rolled, rolled, and ended wobbling head-up like a living bobble-head.

"Ungh!" Rainbow crashed through a pile of bagged oats. She rubbed her head, fumbled, and sat up. "Nnnngh... guh... Ch-Churning? Churning, where did you—?" She froze halfway, gasping, for she saw a huge reptilian shape looming over the helpless quadruped.

"Oh... uh..." The mountain ram waved a stony hoof. "Hi there, big fella! Boy... you smell rotten." He blinked. "Say, is it getting cold in here or is it just me—" His voice cut off—as did his throat, as did all the color in his body. His entire woolie figure turned to stone, teetering over until it collapsed—frozen—against the rocky floor of the cave. Clunk!

"Churning!" Rainbow shouted.

The beast's snout pivoted towards her, the one eye shimmering like a deathlight.

Rainbow immediately flinched away, covering her eyes as she hid—trembling—against a pile of bagged edibles. The dust and spilled oats around her flounced with each menacing clawstep as the beast lumbered towards her. At last, it stood a few naked meters away, and it lowered its snout until its glowing eye was illuminating every square inch of Rainbow's body, threatening to squeeze its glowing gaze through Rainbow's clenched eyelids.

Within seconds, a familiar voice shouted from the far edge of the cave. "Alright, buffalo! Now, buffalo!"

The deathly glow of the creature's gaze lifted. Bravely, Rainbow opened her eyes, spotting what had distracted the monster.

Over two dozen buffalo suddenly made themselves known. They stood spaced apart, occupying seemingly random spots along the cavern, all the way down to the tight tunnels that eventually led to the outside world. Buffalo Who Bags Well stood on a pile of rocks. His shades reflected the monster's glowing eye as he courageously stood his ground, then waved a hoof wildly in the air with a well-toned forelimb.

On cue, the multiple spaced-apart buffalo pivoted the mirrors that they stood next to. In well-timed procision, they bounced an extremely bright light source from the far end of the cave, ricocheting the glow from one mirror to another until it finally shot like a burning laser into the cavern where Rainbow was. It wasn't until the last second that Rainbow realized that they were "carrying" daylight into the cavern.

The Slithering realized it too, and a column of mist rose from his scales at the direct contact. He let loose a monsterous hiss, rearing in pain as the beam of sunlight burned across his iron-tight flesh. He stumbled backwards, his hellbender body writhing and slamming into cavern walls left and right. At last, with a grumbling snarl, he picked up the frozen female buffalo in one of his many limbs and Churning Bag's stone body in another. Gliding like a sea serpent, he sped his way down a nearby tunnel, skimming past the sunny laser, and shooting his way up the vertical chasm from which he initially descended.

Rainbow Dash exhaled. Legs wobbling/tingling, she stood up and limped her way towards He Who Bags Well while the other buffalo gathered around him.

"It looks like we lost another buffalo, buffalo," the leader said, adjusting his shades. "But we must still count this as a buffalo victory, buffalo, for many were spared, buffalo."

The feisty group shook off their urge to mourn, instead slamming their hooves repeatedly against the ground and growling:

"Buffalo!"

"Buffalo!"

"Buffalo!"

"Hold on a friggin' second!" Rainbow Dash snarled. "A victory?!" She gritted her teeth. "We just lost a buffalo and Churning!"

"It could have been a lot worse, non-buffalo, buffalo." The Leader Who Bags Well growled. "I thought you were going to root out that monster, buffalo. Turns out that we had to save your weak hide in the end, buffalo!"

"Kiss my grits, buffalo!" Rainbow Dash frowned, flapping her wings to stay upright and glare into the creature's face. "Just how long as this crap been going on? These mirrors can't possibly save you forever!"

"They will have to do, buffalo," he retorted. "Until we find a way to bring light to his lair, he will keep preying upon us, snatching our frozen buffalo brothers and sisters when we least expect him to."

"'Least expect him to'?! You mean—like—all the friggin' time?" Rainbow gazed around as various bison came out of hiding, nervously eyeing the damage done to their home as they began sweeping the place up in quiet defeat. "Just what the heck is that thing, anyways?"

"A basilisk, buffalo, and quite a nasty one at that, buffalo."

"Look, will you just drop the buffalo?!" Rainbow Dash waved a hoof. "Why haven't you tried—I dunno—standing up to this thing with more than mirrors and lasers?"

"The creature is older than time, and we're lucky that its gaze can only petrify. It used to bring nothing but death."

"How do you know this?"

"Because I'm the buffalo who took one of his eyes..." He Who Bags Well, lowered his shades, revealing a pair of pale-as-snow eyes that teared up at the faintest touch of light. "At a great cost, buffalo..."

Giving Buffalo Who Bags Well Twenty Minutes

"So, you guys are telling me..." Rainbow Dash turned around and paced through the air of He Who Bags Well's cave. "...that all this time you big bad strong buffalo have been hiding away from a giant lizard that turns bison to stone with its eyes?"

"With its eye, buffalo," Buffalo Who Bags Well emphasized. "I took one out, remember?"

"Then in all the times that creep has dipped down here to take more buffalo, why didn't you just—y'know—take the other one out?!"

"Easier said than done, buffalo," the leader replied with a groan. He stood before a tall mirror, gazing lethargically at his muscular limbs. "The first eye was taken by chance. He went after my mother, thinking she was an easy prey."

"And you took a buffalo long time showing a buffalo spine in slaying him, buffalo!" croaked a voice from the shadows.

He Who Bags Well gnashed his teeth. "Who's telling the buffalo-dayum story, mother?!"

"Okay. I get it." Rainbow Dash folded her forelimbs. "Once stabbed, twice shy. The big dude's made himself scarce every time he's come back to claim another buffalo. Even still! I don't see why you guy stand for it!"

"We have no choice but to stand for it, buffalo." He Who Bags Well hung his bulky head. "Or sit for it or run for it or hide for it."

"But you guys know how to do the sunlight thingy!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. "Certainly that is enough to send the freak into hiding!"

"No. It is not enough, buffalo. We can only send him fleeing. We cannot bleed or gut the creature."

"Well, how about hiring dudes from the valley?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Ponies! Or-or-or mountain rams! Yeah! Those guys seem friendly and hardheaded enough to take on any pesk! No matter how big... or... erm... deadly..."

"Do you even hear how you speak, buffalo?"

Rainbow frowned. "Do you?!"

"The monster is too buffalo big and too buffalo dangerous for anything in Equestria. All we can do is hope to evade its gaze, buffalo. So, as you can see..." Buffalo Who Bags Well gestured. "We are not in the position to eat or buy your precious hubcaps."

Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth, shaking in anger. After a while, she froze, took a deep breath, and asked, "Well, obviously you guys got some edge that you're using! How do you all know when the Slithering is coming?"

"Hmmm?"

"When Churning and I came back, the caves and tunnels were empty! You guys somehow knew that the basilisk had returned!"

"That is a job that I take care of," He Who Bags Well said. "I watch the beacon, after all."

"The beacon?" Rainbow asked, blinking.

"Tell her about the buffalo beacon, buffalo!"

"I am, mother!" With a groan, the leader shuffled across the cave, approached a lone pedestal covered in a filmy tarp, and pulled the blanket right off. A slimy eye rotated in a liquid-filled jar, its slitted iris reflecting Rainbow Dash with a slight pulse.

"Whoahhhh!" Rainbow Dash immediately looked away. "Is that what I friggin' think it is?"

"Fear not, buffalo. It is long detached from its host. It cannot kill."

"Kill?" Rainbow blinked. She turned and looked hesitantly at the gross object. "I thought the basilisk petrified buffalo."

"With one eye, yes. But with two eyes?" The leader shook his head. "The Slithering was always meant to kill, buffalo. And yet, buffalo, when it stalked me and my buffalo mother, I realized that it was only keeping one eye open."

"Like... it wanted only to petrify in the first place?"

"Very strange, but still vile. It had stupidly blind-sided itself, and I came at it from its right side and ripped this out." He held the sloshing jar up. The eye spun to exchange glances at both the buffalo and the pegasus, as if very much alive. "Now, whenever the Slithering comes close, it glows with an eerie green light, as if desperate to rejoin its master."

"Hmmmm..." Rainbow Dash leaned forward. "So what you're telling me is that the closer this thing is to the basilisk, the more it'll light up?"

"Yes, buffalo." He adjusted his shades, raising an eyebrow. "Why do you ask?"

"Look, it's simple," Rainbow Dash said. She spun around, stealthily popped a pill down her throat, swallowed, and continued. "I've gotta root out this freak if you dudes want to be free of his bullcrap once and for all."

"I still think this is a very dangerous idea, buffalo," He Who Bags Well said as he stood behind Rainbow at the bottom of the tall, vertical corridor. "Who's to know what will happen if you bring the eye close enough for the Slithering to repossess it."

"Well, good thing I'm too awesome to let something like that happen!" Rainbow said with a devilish smirk. "And besides, I'm the only girl with wings around here to even get close to where the Slithering bunks for the night!" She lightly nudged the handle of the glass jar that contained the drowned eye. "Thankfully, this baby's gonna help me find my way to where I need to go!"

"And what do you intend to do when you get there?"

Rainbow shrugged. "Kick things. Talk to things. Whichever opportunity presents itself."

"Buffalo..."

"Pony! P.O.N.Y!" Rainbow Dash folded her arms and frowned. "Seriously, if you can't get that straight, then I might as well sell the pies to diamond dogs!"

"Get rid of this Slithering, and you can sell us all the hubcaps you like."

"We'll see about that." Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, grasped the jarred eye in one hoof, and gave a salute. "See you in the funny papers!" And she flew straight up. "Zoop!"

Dashnesia

Rainbow Dash flew upwards for the better part of five minutes. She gritted her teeth, glancing around at the shadowy walls blurring beside her. The pegasus knew that she was cruising along at a fairly slow speed, but it still astonished her just how tall--not to mention remarkably hollow--the body of Granite Mountain was.

The higher she climbed, the danker the air grew. She felt like sneezing several times, as if some inexplicable humidity was tickling her nose. Where the moisture could be coming from, Rainbow had no earthly clue. However, as her ascent pierced further up the “neck” of the mountain, she got the distinct impression that an enormous source of water was looming above her.

She climbed and climbed, easily flying past the distance she and Churning had scaled on her previous flight. She winced, shuddering through the moist cold. Rainbow did her best not to think about Churning. With the buffalo victims missing for days--maybe even weeks--it was hard to realistically believe that Churning had any better of a fate. The pony wasn’t familiar with magic, much less petrification. How was she to know if the process could be reversed? And would the mountain ram be the same living thing once he was no longer a frozen stone statue?

“He was an okay guy, after all.” Rainbow shrugged in mid-flight, her voice echoing off the slick rock walls. “I mean, he didn’t murder any ponies, and I didn’t spontaneously combust from talking to him.”

Just then, a drop or two of moisture splattered off Rainbow’s muzzle.

“Aaugh!” She gritted her teeth, wincing. “There’d better not be a bunch of bats perched above me or else I’m gonna throw up.”

Instead, her flight came to an abrupt stop as she finally reached the ceiling of the tall-tall passageway. She gasped, braking in mid-air just centimeters before a dangling forest of stalactites could pierce her blue body.

She hovered in place, gawking at the sharp points. Her eyes traced beads of moisture running down the jagged tips and eventually dropping off into the hollow of the mountain below.

“Oh right. They talked about this sort of stuff in school,” she muttered quietly. “At least, I think they did.” She sighed, her ears drooping. “Course, knowing my luck, I dropped out right before ‘Basilisk Slaying 101.’”

She lowered her altitude slightly, gazing around at the dark-dark walls around her.

“Darn it… why isn’t this stupid eye lighting up?” she grumbled aloud. “I had flown a quarter of this distance when Churning and I first ran into the Slithering.” She chewed on her lip and hovered in a slowly descending circle. “Maybe--like--if I retrace my wing-flaps or something--”

Just then, there was a pulse of light.

Rainbow’s body jerked, fell a few feet, and compensated by flapping her wings again. She narrowed her eyes, tilting her head down to gaze at the jar hanging in her grasp like a dormant lantern.

The murky liquids inside sloshed and sloshed.

Rainbow’s lips pursed as she studied the container closer.

With an explosion of bubbles, the eye spun towards her and lit up like the front of a train.

“Gaaah!” Rainbow winced, almost dropping the rattling container in her grasp. She caught her breath and adjusted her grip of the thing’s handle, panting as she saw the eye twirling around, shining a spotlight all across the thin corridor. “Yeesh. Celestia, I hate this barfy thing!”

The eye spun and twitched, casting refracted waterlight across the domain.

“What is it, little guy?” Rainbow smirked devilishly. “You know where your master is, huh? Don’tcha?”

The eye jerked up and own, almost like a snake’s head nodding. The reptilian iris narrowed and widened with tongues of flame, causing the liquid inside the container to boil.

“Come on. Show me the way to’em, lil’ guy. I just wanna give the big ol’ dude a hug.”

In response, the eye spun, blurred, and came to a jagged stop, pointing at a thin cleft built into the throat of the vertical tunnel.

“Heh… that wasn’t so hard, now was it?” Rainbow Dash flew with the jar towards the hole, feeling cold air pelting her face as if the mountain was breathing on her. She gulped and threaded herself--and the eye-lantern--through the slit with only inches to spare. “Yeah… the hard part’s in the next stage. Lucky me…”

She pressed her way down the corridor, leaving the chamber behind in darkness.

You Know, That *Is* a Good Name

You Know, That *Is* a Good Name

"Guhhh... tight squeeze is tight..."

Rainbow Dash winced to herself as she shimmied through the insanely narrow corridor. Her body stood upright as she slid along, bending her neck back and forward to avoid jutting spokes of raw, exposed rock. All the while, beams of eerie green light fountained around her, emanating from the monsterous eye dangling from the crook of her hoof.

Soon, the passage bent in a zig-zag. Rainbow Dash grunted to herself, resorting to stretching her wings out so that she could push herself down the new angled course.

"No way in heck the Slithering came through here." She frowned down at the "lantern" in her grasp. "This had better darn well be a shortcut... uhm... Squidgy," she muttered.

The further she crept down the passage, the more her ears and mane hairs fluttered. She felt cool air increasing, multiplying with each inch that she wormed. At last, she came upon an open patch of cave. In her attempt to slip out, she jerked in place, anchored by the lantern being caught in a cleft of rocks.

"Nnnngh..." She gritted her teeth, tugging and tugging. "Come on. Don't go all stupid on me now!"

She kept pulling, causing the liquids inside the jar to slosh and bubble. The basilisk eye rotated, shimmering its ethereal spotlight on Rainbow's gaze. She went momentarily blind from the glow, and she tugged too hard. A chunk of rock broke loose, and she fell back with the lantern—plunging into a sudden black space.

"Luna's nipple!" she squeaked, spreading her wings in mid-fall. She twirled, caught wind, and glided evenly just meters before she could splattered against the cavern floor.

All four hooves scraped to a stop. Pebbles rattled still on either side of her. She winced, wings tensing—then relaxing. She blinked. She looked up. With a gasp, Rainbow Dash threw herself backwards, spread her forelimbs, and caught the eye-jar like a hoofball.

"Httt!" She fell back on her blue flanks, panting into the emerald glow. The eye spun around and spun its pupil at her. She patted the jar and exhaled. "Thatta boy, Squidgy. Keep me on my toes." She stood up, flapped her wings, and hovered forward, squinting into the shadows. "As if I had toes..."

Rainbow passed through an array of stalactites and stalagmites like a green ghost floating through a dark forest. Shadows danced from every stone structure as she carried the eye through. Gusts of unnaturally strong wind blew through the chamber, splattering Rainbow's wincing face with random sprays of moisture.

The pegasus winced, gliding cautiously through the porous labyrinth, following the direct glow of the eye.

"How come your brother isn't green and harmless like you, huh?" she murmured. The jar beneath her rattled and sloshed. She bit her lip. "Guess we all got bad blood, huh?"

Rainbow saw the ground sloping upwards, approaching a steep cliff above. She paused, gazing at the ceiling, attempting to guage a safe path through the madness.

"Why couldn't the buffalo just... I dunno... take the apple pies and move into the foothills? Basilisks are better built for all this indoor cave crap. Maybe the reason the Slithering's been taking the bison one by one is because he's tired of all the yelling. Celestia knows I am."

The jar rattled as the eye-beam shot straight up.

The corner of Rainbow's muzzle curved. "Yeah. What am I saying? You can't force apples on somepony." Her eyes blinked, and a flushed expression ran over her blue cheeks. "Hmmmm... as awesomes as that sounds..." she quietly cooed to the walls, her eyes sparkling.

The jar shook again, louder this time. The green glow intensified.

"Hmmm?" Rainbow glanced back up. A thick gray mass was rolling down at her. "Ackies!" Hissing in panic, she looked every which way, found a dark niche of rock, and swooped towards it. She curled up like a trembling foal in the fissure, but her every square inch of fuzz was still exposed by light. Gritting her teeth, she whooped her head like a windsock towards the jar, wrapping the length of her mane over its top. Her tail flicked towards the bottom half of the lantern, cutting out some more of the light. Scooching in a circle on her butt, she pivoted the masked light towards the wall and waited in dead silence.

Not long after, the dark mass surged past her, causing every spoke and rod of rock around her to quiver and shake. Her ears folded around her head as she glanced over her shoulder with a wincing expression, hugging the lantern with all forelimbs.

Through her peripheral vision, she saw leg after leg stomping into the stone floor. Tight scales flexed and unflexed. Then, with a twist of iron-wrought muscles, the Slithering curved around a chunk of rock and approached a dangling cluster ot sharp rocks. Rainbow saw a head twisting around like a giant serpent's. A slender snout with many clamped teeth stared at the rock shards closely. Nostrils flared, forming mist against the inky darkness. Then its eye opened wide, casting a pale gloss over the rocks.

Rainbow winced, trying not to look directly into the basilisk's one eye. She heard the sound of cracking stone. Glancing back up, Rainbow saw that the monster had gripped the edge of one of the rocks in a pair of his front hand's claws. He examined the tiny lance of stone before his one eye. At last, the scaled edges to the beast's lips curved upwards, and he swiftly slithered back up towards the cliff from which he came, each razor-sharp appendage clinging to the rock like a giant reptilian centipede.

The pegasus' brow furrowed. When at last the monster had slithered away, she uncurled her mane and tail and padded softly out of the niche with the lantern in her grasp. The green spotlight swam up, up, up the rockface until it highlighted the cliff, beyond which was a pale glow of flickering torchlight.

"Hmmmm..." Rainbow Dash blinked. She glanced at the floating eye and the eye glanced back. "Well, Squidgy, looks like we're about to have a family reunion."

Taking a deep breath, she spread her wings wide, flapped her feathers, and ascended the perilous wall.

"It'll be a friggin' first for me..."

It Belongs in a Museum

After a minute or two of tense flight, Rainbow Dash reached the top of the cliff. Once there, she didn't rush into the open. Instead, she perched her petite body on a jutting shard of rock, peering over the edge and into the pale light source beyond. Her ruby eyes narrowed, and a curious breath left her muzzle.

Finally, after much gazing, she flapped her wings and proceeded forward, gliding limply into a large open chamber with a high ceiling. The rock here was different; it looked far more polished and smooth than the surfaces of the caves in lower parts of the mountain. Moisture trickled everywhere, as if something was melting along the ceiling or beyond it. Several torches burned in the corners of the place, but something was unnatural about the flame. The flickering fire was pale, and it gave off no smoke. What's more, the torches themselves were actually granite brazziers with intricate lines etched into them.

As Rainbow's eyes came into focus, she realized that a unique architectural design wove throughout the entirety of the chamber. She saw marble pillars leaning on end. She saw collapsed roofs of stone temples. There were also courtyards, houses, and the remnants of ancient libraries. The spectacle of the mess wasn't nearly as startling as the blatant familiarity. She stopped besides a cluster of pillars, put down her lantern, and ran a hoof along the marble columns. They were moist to the touch, and each time her hoof swept across their glossy surfaces, beads of condensation would appear immediately afterwards. She became aware of tufts of steam rising up all around her, forming a thin cloud along the roof of the cave. The cloud would then gradually condense and drizzle cold rain onto the floor, which led to the moisture that trickled loosely down the steep tunnels from which she came.

"Cloudstone..." Rainbow Dash murmured aloud. She smirked down at the floating eye in its jar. "I've seen the stuff before where I was born. Only, like, this stuff is really... really old, and it's losing the power to stay together n'stuff. It's like a huge hulking pegasus city melting in the center of a mountain."

Just then, a nervous thought struck her, and she folded her eyes as her pupils shrunk.

"Horseapples..." She gulped. "This is that sky city that Fancy Pants was talking about." She glanced back up at the clusters of shattered buildings. "And this is the Cloudstone that he's searching for."

Footsteps.

Loud footsteps.

Rainbow Dash winced as her colorful hairs stood on end. She swiftly clasped the handle of her lantern with her muzzle and darted off to hide beneath the dark alcove made by a partially collapsed temple. Her hooves crunched through ancient shards of pottery and Pre-Classical spears. She crouched low, her eye catching a mural of Commander Hurricane lit faintly by torchlight beside her.

The footsteps intensified. Rainbow Dash watched pensively. At last, several thick legs shuffled loudly into view just a few feet ahead of her.

The eye came to life, spinning like an ambulance light. Rainbow Dash clenched her jaw and shoved the thing behind her, using the bulk of her tiny body to cancel out the glow.

The basilisk clambered down towards a lower part of the cavern, his legs rummaging through several bags of things. With a flick of his tail, he almost entirely disappeared from view.

With courageous poise, Rainbow Dash crept forward, sticking her head out from beneath the alcove and peering into the dip of the cavern. What she saw made her blood freeze.

Rows upon rows of frozen buffalo stood frozen like a stone army. Their limbs were bone-white, even paler than the marbles of cloudstone that formed the eggshell surfaces of this ancient domain. The basilisk was in the process of fishing his claws through the whole lot of them, picking one bison up after another, and then planting it back down in its chosen spot with a disgruntled breath.

At last, the basilisk exhaled through a curved set of teeth. It smiled as it picked up a relatively small specimen. It was a female bison, its body bent back in an eternal gesture of flinching.

"Hmmmm... you are small enough," the basilisk said in perfectly understood speech.

Rainbow Dash blinked.

The basilisk reached back to one of its many arms, then pulled out the shard of stalactite that Rainbow Dash had seen it snap off earlier. After making a suckling noise, the basilisk spat onto the upper body of the frozen buffalo, drenching her cranium with saliva and sticky mucus. It then planted the blunt end of the shard against the poor bison's forehead. The reptile's spat fluids made the thing stick in place, so that it looked like the quadruped had a horn sticking out from its forehead.

"Hmmmff... perfect..." The cavern shook from the monster's chuckling lungs. "The dumb sap won't even tell the difference..."

Just then, from the far side of the cave: "Why are you taking so long?! Polyph wants to start the game already!"

Rainbow Dash gasped, her teeth chattering.

"Grrrrr... just hold onto your buttocks already!" The basilisk gripped the augmented buffalo with his tail, turned his massive body around, and thundered up the hill of fractured Cloudstone and pale torchlight. "Don't think you'll win my riches that easily, Polyph!"

Rainbow Dash retreated into the shadows. "H-holy cow..." She gawked at the eye as it turned to glow on her. "There are two of em, Squidgy!" She gulped. "What am I going to do?"

The eye merely spun around and sloshed in its container.

Rainbow Dash took a deep, deep breath. She closed her eyes. Her wings stretched out, the feathers fluttering. All she could see in the darkness was glistening rows of orchards. A smiling, freckled face stood out in the center of the landscape.

Her hooves grinded tightly against the Cloudstone. She opened her eyes with a tight frown.

"Yeah, well, neither of those creeps belong here. And their ugly butts are parked on what Fancy Pants is after."

She grabbed the handle of the lantern and followed its quivering glow.

"Let's check out this 'game' that they're playing..."

Like a blue shadow, she slinked out from the alley and crawled up the mounds of Cloudstone, following the direction of the two monsterous voices.

Searching For Basilisk Fischer

“Mmmmfnnngh… Durandal?!” a voice growled across the cavern. “What’s keeping you?! Are we having a game or aren’t we?!”

“Silence your whining, Polyph,” the Slithering’s voice echoed back over Rainbow Dash’s head. The pegasus snuck her way towards a rising mound of crumpled cloudstone and debris as her ears twitched to the booming exchange above her. “Do you want a complete board or not?”

“I’ve wanted one ever since I arrived here hours ago! But you seem to be taking your sweet time!”

“You know how this works, Polyph. Either we play with real figures or we don’t play at all.”

“It’s your fault that I keep winning them off your scales, Durandal. At this rate, I’m gonna buy you out of lair and home!”

“My tail, you will! This time, I have the sharpest edge!”

“You big blunt worm! Show me!”

Rainbow Dash scampered up a steep incline of concrete. She dangled the lantern from her tail as she clung to the wall like a squirrel beneath a billowing brazier. With squinting ruby eyes, she looked across the center of the large chamber.

There stood a large table formed out of many-many stones stacked up on top of one another. Slathered across the top was a slab of granite--perfectly square--and covered with sixty-four squares, alternating black and white. Positioned within sixteen of the squares in solid lines on one side of the board were life-sized figures, all buffalo. The reason they were life-sized was because they were alive, or at least they once were. The frozen, petrified creatures stood at the ready, facing each other across the oversized chess board.

Rainbow jerked--surprised--as the basilisk climbed up to one end of the table. With the front pair of his many limbs, he slapped down the female buffalo figure with the rod of stone stuck to her forehead.

“Look what I found! Just in time for your visit, Polyph!” The basilisk winked his one eye and grinned toothily at his latest offering. “A unicorn! Straight from the fields of Equestria!”

Rainbow Dash grimaced. The whole cave shook from a series of thudding footsteps. She nearly slipped from her perch and had to flap her wings to keep from plummeting.

“Hah! You’re a stupid snake, Durandal!” A large, thick-limbed biped shuffled over, heaving an enormous sack over his shoulder. He had a hairy back, iron-thick pale skin, and a moldy loin-cloth hanging over his abdomen. A single blue eye blinked in the center of his skull, and a grimy horn stuck out the top of his skull, laced with frost and condensation. “You think having unicorns is gonna give your bishops any better of a chance? Hrmmff… might as well sell me all of your meat and kiss your lair goodbye!”

“Those aren’t the terms we agreed to, you oaf.”

“Yeah, yeah…” The cyclops sat down with a thud. He dropped his satchel behind him and cracked his neck joints. “Lemme see your other unicorn.”

“Hmmm?”

“Well, you got bishops for this game or don’tcha?!” Polyph pointed a gnarled finger at the empty spot of the chessboard on the basilisk’s side. “Let’s see it!”

“I’ve got your other unicorn right here!” That said, the Slithering slid a very familiar mountain ram into place, its frozen stones glistening in the pale torchlight.

Rainbow Dash winced.

“Haaah!” The cyclops drooled between laughing outbursts. “You call that a unicorn?!”

“Damn straight, you frozen fool.”

“Why does he have two horns on edges of his head?”

“Cuz he’s a guy unicorn!”

“Hraaaugh! How does that even work?!”

“Sexual dimorphism! Look it up!”

“Grrrr… Polyph doesn’t read!”

“And that’s why I keep beating you…” The Basilisk curled up like a basketed cobra and smirked from across the board. “Are you going to show your pieces or what?”

“Mmmmmph… yes, yes… be patient, ya squirmy bastard.” Polyph pulled a smaller pouch from his large sack. It was still large enough to envelope a tiny Ponyvillean house. This didn’t stop him from unraveling the leathery thing like a deflated balloon and inordinately dumping out a rattling cluster of frozen figures. Fused in thick ice, several real griffons, pegasi, and wyverns slid to a stop across his end of the chessboard. “It took me forever to lure them into my lair so I could capture ‘em!”

“So that’s why I had to wait so long for your smelly hide.”

“Shush…” Polyph set the helpless creatures up one by one in their squares. “Hmmm… I sure hope none of my pawns broke on the way over.”

As if on cue, one of the griffons stirred, its head and beak having thawed out. The creature’s avian head opened an eye, then let loose a horrified shriek.

“Hah!” Durandal grunted. “Nice job there, slick!”

“Oh, for the love of Tartarus…” The cyclops leaned in, opened his mouth wide, and breathed a vaporous wave of frigid air all over the creature.

Rainbow Dash watched, wide-eyed.

The griffon stirred, twitched, and went still, its head covered once more with paralyzing frost.

“Hmmph… darn things poke like a mother when they wake up in mid-hike.” The cyclops blinked dumbly at Durandal’s side of the table. “I sure wish I knew how you find your pegasi so easily.”

Rainbow’s eyes followed the cyclops’ gesture. She did a double-take at a pair of buffalo that had stone “wings” glued to their hides with basilisk mucus.

“Ohhhhh… that’s a trade secret, Polyph.” The basilisk grinned with a reptilian hiss. “You ready to lose?”

Quietly, with the grace of a skulking cat, Rainbow Dash snuck closer to the hellish chess game.

Goodnight, Sweet Squidgy

Rainbow Dash snuck closer and closer over the rise in rocks, clenching her jaw tight to silence her breaths as the game continued onward with the unruly monsters booming above her.

“What is this, Durandal?! You’re missing one figure! I thought you were ready for a proper game!”

“If you stopped shaking the whole lair everytime you walked inside, then maybe all of my pieces wouldn’t rattle all over the place and I wouldn’t be forced to look so hard for them!”

“Well, you’re a big reptile… thing! Can’t you just use your tonguesense to detect where you last left them?”

“It doesn’t work that way, Polyph. Once petrified, the buff--er… I mean ponies can’t be smelled quite as easily.”

“Hahah! That must stink to be you! I’ll have you know that I can smell all of my pieces after I’ve frozen them!”

“Tartarus, it must stink up your whole island when it comes time to have dinner.”

“Hmmph! You don’t know cyclopses too well! We love to eat all our things crispy black! There’s no smell but burnt! Just the way we like it!”

“You’ve never eaten a pony juicy and raw?! You don’t know what you’re missing.”

“Oh yeah?! Well why don’t you describe it to me, Durandal?!”

Rainbow Dash winced, paling as she drew closer and closer to the cyclops’ bag. Gazing up at the rump of the huge biped seated on the stone before her, she flapped her wings and crept towards an open fold of the large sack.

“Why, it’s sweet in a way, like venison. Only the sweat glands make for good seasoning. You’d never expect equines to be so squishy in the head region, but it’s like their cheeks are made out of extra fat. Quite succulent. Still, I wish they had more meat on their bones.”

“Ever eaten griffon?”

“No, why? Is it crunchy?”

“Only the upper half. The bottom half is like eating a lion.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound so bad.”

“It’s best to do it when they’re live, so long as you don’t mind the wriggling around in your throat. Best to cut off their talons before you shove ‘em down that long, long gullet of yours. Oh, and if they’re dude griffons, best to castrate them first too. Long story.”

Rainbow Dash fumbled, bumping into the bag. She winced, her face green as she made a retching expression. Taking a deep breath, she unhooked the lantern from her tail, gave the two creatures a devilish smirk, then held the jar up to her face.

“Well, Squidgy, it’s been fun,” she murmured ever so quietly. The eye flickered at her through the sloshing liquid. “But I need you to do something super stupid… and by ‘stupid’ I mean ‘killer awesome if it actually frickin’ works.” She saluted. “Goddess speed, ya creepy piece of pulp.” That said, she opened Polyph’s bag, grimaced from the waves of flies buzzing out, and tossed the eye inside. “Just try and hold your nose shut… er… you know what I mean.”

She brushed her hooves off and spun about to dart towards a place of hiding.

“For Tartarus’ sake, Durandal!” Polyph grumbled. He reached back to scratch his bumpy rear. In so doing, he inadvertently knocked the upper half of his heavy bag aside. “Find your missing pony already!”

“Gaaah!” Rainbow Dash took the brunt of the thick leathery fabric to her body. She flew off, pinballed off a granite column of Cloudstone, and slammed into a large bag of white powder. She gasped, flailing on her backside, watching as a cloud of sediment settled over her. She sat up, realizing that she had landed in the middle of an oversized wooden trunk full of the basilisk’s cooking instruments. “Is this… fl-flour?” Her nose wriggled. She winced, shook, quivered, and then--“Aaaa-choo!”

The cyclops and the basilisk instantly jerked aside, two eyes blinking between them.

“What was that?”

Rainbow Dash gasped with a voice-cracking squeak.

Alabasterdashery

“Ohcrapohcrapohcrap!”

Rainbow Dash rolled over, stood up, and gawked at herself. Her coat and mane were painted bone-white by the dense powdery flour covering her from head to tail. She tried brushing off her forelimb, but the layers covering her blue body were too thick. At this rate, she would leave a trail of white sediment anywhere she flew, drawing the monsters to her hiding place.

“Craponluna’sbedpan!” She hissed.

“I thought I heard something, Durandal.”

“You look, you lazy oaf!” the basilisk hissed. Rainbow sensed him pointing a scaly limb from the edge of her peripheral vision. “I’m trying to come up with a strategy here!”

“With an incomplete board?! Ha! That’s pretty likely!” The cyclops turned around, tilting his horned head to look in the direction of the recent sneeze. “Let’s see, it happened somewhere over here…”

Rainbow Dash felt her heart pumping a mile-per-minute. She glanced over the massive shoulder of Polyph as the beastly biped shuffled about in his granite stool. While looking, she caught the tops of several petrified buffalo’s skulls. They were all ghostly pale in rocky sheen.

Without a second thought, Rainbow Dash jerked up on her hindquarters and threw her forelimbs into a hoof-rearing pose, sticking her wings straight out behind her. She put on a dumb smile and gazed towards the opposite walls.

“Durandal?!” Polyph boomed. Something the size of a wagon drifted down at Rainbow Dash, then enclosed around her from all sides. She was soon being lifted in the cyclops’ greasy fingers. The pegasus remained locked in a frozen prance. “You stupid snake! Here it is!”

“Here what is?” the basilisk hissed.

“Your stupid missing knight, of course!” Polyph said, and suddenly Rainbow was being hoisted over the checkerboard granite full of frozen buffalo and griffons. “It fell over into your flour bag! You know, for a freak with so many legs, you’re awfully clumsy!”

“Let me see that!”

Rainbow Dash sensed a pale glow out the edge of her eyes. Taking a deep breath through her nostrils, she clenched her eyes shut and prayed that her lids were dusted white like the rest of her body.

Polyph’s hand came to a stop, and she felt herself dangling before a rancid, cold pair of nostrils. The air filled with a hissing sound, and a scaly nose brushed up against her limb-locked body.

“Hmmmm…” Durandal muttered aloud, undoubtedly observing all of Rainbow’s non-buffalo features. “Funny. She doesn’t look like the--”

“What, the other pegasus?!” Polyph’s voice threw in the direction of the buffalo statue that Durandal had stuck stone “wings” to. “Seems like a perfect match to me!”

“But… but…” The nostrils sniffed and exhaled against Rainbow’s tight muzzle. “Something’s… different about this…”

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhh quit yer stalling!” Polyph slapped Rainbow down onto the stretch of granite. The pegasus nearly bit her tongue as the shock flew through her body. It took all her strength not to loosen up like a numb ragdoll right then and there. “Let’s get this game starting already!”

“But--”

“And no tricks, Durandal! I wanna win your lair honorably! Don’t make me turn you into a million suitcases!”

The basilisk was silent for a while. “Hmmph… fine. But first.”

Claws scraped against the table. Rainbow felt a gust of disturbed air.

She almost trembled.

Razor-sharp fingers gripped her head on boths sides and twisted.

Thinking fast, Rainbow scooted her bottom hooves so that her upper body matched the movement.

“...lemme make it face the right end of the board, you idiot. Ah… there we go.”

Rainbow opened her eyes, relieved to be looking towards the cyclops’ end of the table. She exhaled heavily, panting her breath without flexing her powdered feathers. A bison’s bone-white derriere stood in front of her, and she was flanked on one side with a meaty bison standing atop a block of stone and Churning Bag to her left.

The pegasus sucked her breath in, her eyes darting towards the left, blinking.

Churning Bag had a mucus-coated stalactite planted on the top of his petrified head. It wasn’t positioned in the right spot to mimic a unicorn horn. To Rainbow’s guestimation, it vaguely resembled a bishop’s hat.

She winced, feeling her extremities trembling.

“Durandal…”

“Fine! Fine! Hold your horn…” The basilisk held his breath for a while, then finally spat, “F2 to F3.” A pair of scaly hands grabbed the tiny female buffalo in front of Churning and advanced him by a single square.

“Now we’re talking…”

Where Nobody Knows Your Name

“Bah! Seriously, though, Durandal. Such a weak opening.”

“Then match it, Polyph!”

“I will. I will. Ahem.” The cyclops’ meaty hand reached over the table, grasped a frozen griffon, and slid it forward it parallel to Durandal’s “pawn.” “F7 to F5.”

“Now who’s weak…?”

“Shut it,” Polyph grunted. “I’ve played this game with the best of them, y’know.”

“Yeah yeah. G2 to G3.” Rainbow Dash fought the urge to shiver as a scaled hand grasped the petrified buffalo in front of her and slid it forward a square. “You don’t exactly have a perfect winning streak, ya smelly buffoon.”

“So what if Nobody beat me!”

“Oh, please. Not this again.”

“I mean it! Nobody had a tactical advantage! With those underworld antennae of his, it was a cinch to read my thoughts!”

“Okay. Two things, Polyph. For one: you can’t read minds with antennae. I don’t care how big of a warrior lobster that creep was. For another: his Tartarus-damned name wasn’t ‘Nobody!’”

“Yeah it was!”

“No it wasn’t! He tricked you because you’re a friggin’ idiot!”

“Well, that’s just something that a giant crustacean named ‘Nobody’ would do!”

“If I was a lumbering oaf of a cyclops, I’d wonder how I could find my way home each evening!”

“Yeah, well, be glad you’re just a slimy eel with features… who doesn’t have to play chess with Nobody.”

“Just make your damn move already.”

“Hmmmm…” The cyclops rubbed his bulbous chin, squinting his one eye at the chessboard. At last, he reached down and carried a wyvern with ice-cold “battle armor” out from behind his line of pawns with a zig-zag. “G8 to H6.”

“Wow, I’m surprised you can even count to eight, much less six.”

“Grrrrr…”

The shadow of Durandal loomed over Rainbow Dash as the basilisk carefully considered the board beneath him. “Just why do you wanna play for my lair anyways? You always lose.”

“Ah. But the one day I win will be a glorious day!”

“You’ve already got your cave, don’t you? Why give it away for a mountain full of buffalo?”

“You seem to do fine with it.”

“That’s because I’m smart. One night with these buffalo and you’ll be stabbing your one eye out.”

“Better than letting them stab my eye out!” Polyph slapped the table, causing all the pieces to shake as he let loose a belly-roaring-laugh.

Rainbow Dash jostled in place to match the rattling buffalo around her. She clenched her teeth, feeling her muscles going numb with each prolonged minute of the charade.

At the tail-end of an angry hiss, Durandal said, “Their clan leader snuck up on me when I first went down into the corridors to hunt. I was only trying to eat his mother to sample the meat of the bison’s flesh. I don’t understand why he stabbed me like he did. I figured I was doing him a favor.”

“If you ask me, this mountain’s given you a bum rap! You should be practically giving it to me!”

“Pffft… You’re just suffering from typical cycloptic mountain envy.” A pair of claws came down around Rainbow Dash. The pegasus tensed as she felt herself lifted up in the monster’s massive fingers. She threw every ounce of her fading strength into locking her limbs tight. Soon, she found herself being lowered in a square just to the right of the last moved buffalo. “You want a mountain to yourself so you can brag to all your bastard sisters and brothers. Ahem. G1 to H3.”

“Actually, I just want less distance to cover between where I sleep and where I go to hunt for meat!” Polyph said. “Winter’s long gone. The nights are far shorter. With the Tartarusian Curse n’all, it’s murder trying to get from one place to another above ground!”

“Heh, don’t I know it, pal…”

Rainbow Dash’s face scrunched up. While Polyph moved a frozen pegasus from his end of the table, she glanced all around the lair, her limbs starting to quake and tremble. “Tartarusian Curse… Tartarusian Curse…” She gritted her teeth. “Where… have I heard that…”

Just then, the pegasus gasped. She clenched her eyes shut.

Inside Twilight Sparkle’s library, several nondescript months ago…

“And so, to protect Equestria from future incursions, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna sealed up Tartarus with a curse!” The unicorn smiled wide as she flipped a book in front of her. “This curse would make it so that all creatures imprisoned inside Tartarus would have a difficult time adjusting to the surface world if they were to escape! Namely, they placed a spell on all the monsters, giving them skin that would melt and burn as soon as they came in contact with the sun’s solar rays!” She flipped the page. “This was called the ‘Tarturusian Curse, and it included natural daylight, reflected sunlight, and also magically recreated solar energy!”

Twilight looked up from the book, smiling wide.

“Wow, Rainbow! Isn’t that amazing?!”

Rainbow Dash belched, hanging upside down from a light fixture as her mane dangled boredly. “How come this place doesn’t have any comic books?”

Twilight stamped her hooves, frowning. “Rainbow…!”

“I need awesome pictures! None of this Tartar Sauce Crucifix nonsense!”

“Are you even listening to me?”

“You know this place smells like a bookbag, right?”

Rainbow Dash gasped. “Omigosh! Of course!” Her lips curved as she whispered, “The Tartar Sauce Curse!”

In desperation, her eyes darted around the entirety of the Cloudstone-covered cavern. At last, she saw something that looked strikingly familiar.

Towards the far end of the cave, a large set of doors hung, thick and blue and splintery. They looked exactly like the doors Rainbow Dash had seen when she first met Churning Bag hours ago.

There was a reason for that…

Rainbow Dash smirked devilishly. As the wheels turned in her head, she listened in on the game happening on both sides of her.

Dashtriliquist

“Aaaaaaand…” Durandal picked up Churning Bag, glided him over the chessboard, and viciously knocked over one of Polyph’s pegasi. “Your knight is mine.”

“By Cocytus Shores!” The cyclops grumbled, watching as his frosted pony prisoner rattled to a stop on its outstretched limbs. “How’d you get past my pawns so easily?!”

“It helps to be not-stupid.”

“The moment you surrender this lair to me, I am so making you eat dirt!”

“In your dreams, ya oaf,” Durandal groaned. “You’re never getting my cave.”

“Kiss it goodbye. Because, some way or another…” The monstrous biped lifted a wyvern, slide it across the table, and “took out” the pawn besides Rainbow’s side. “...I’m gonna win it.”

Rainbow Dash winced, hear ear twitching from the petrified buffalo rattling to a stop beside her. Sweat was starting to wash away the flakes of flour clinging to her coat. On top of that, she felt her limbs going increasingly numb. It was getting harder and harder to maintain her “frozen” stance. In a matter of minutes, she’d utterly collapse across the stone tile, and she very much doubted that she could pop a pill down her throat within a long enough blink for both of the monsters avoid noticing.

“Pffft. At least let me live out this crummy place’s usefulness, first.”

“What in the demon crap could you be holding onto this place so hard for?”

“With that tone, I wonder why you’d even want it.”

“Just answer the question, ya slimy eel!”

Durandal moved Rainbow Dash in a brazen zig-zag and spoke above her. “The last few times I went down to munch on some bison, I listened to the stupid grunts speaking. I heard something about a clan of business-sucking unicorn from the southwest.”

“Southwest?” Polyph trembled slightly. “You mean.. cl-closer to the Sun Horse’s Capital?!”

“Oh please. This has nothing to do with her.” Durandal stifled a reptilian yawn and murmured, “Seems as though a bunch of rich ponies see something interesting in this Mountain.”

“Hah! That’s a first! I’m competing with tiny horses in tiny suits!” Polyph raised a frozen griffon with razor sharp claws and shoved him towards Rainbow Dash. He paused when the frosted creature’s beak was just inches away from poking out the pegasus’ eyes. Rethinking his move, the cyclops dragged the griffon back, placed him in the original square, and continued pondering the next move. “Hmmm… but what do these morsels want with the Mountain?”

“Beats me, but they are willing to pay the buffalo out the rectum with untold loads of riches.”

“What in Tartarus’ name would a basilisk want with pony money?”

“Nothing. But if I can capture the little creeps and hold them for ransom…”

Rainbow’s eyes darted towards the top of her sockets as she twitched at that.

Durandal continued in a hissing tone: “...well, I just might be able to get them to pay me in unicorn sorcery.”

“What kind of sorcery?”

“I hear that ponies have healing properties fit enough to rival the voodoo of zebras! Why, if I got them to do I wanted with their glittery horns, they could restore me to my former glory!”

“What, you suffering ulcers or something, Durandal?”

“No, you half-witted bucket of vomit! They could get me my eye back!”

“Ha! And give you back your death stare?! No thank you. You’re the only basilisk I can play chess with, and I intend to keep it that way until I get your lair.”

“Polyph, use your brain--what’s left of it. You’re too big for me to kill, much less petrify.”

“Yeah, well, you’re ugly enough as it is without a pair of headlights!”

“And you’re predictable. Make a damn move already.”

As Polyph stretched his hand out to drag a frozen wyvern over, Rainbow Dash’s eyes darted once more towards the large doors situated at the far end of the Cloudstone-laden cavern. She glanced behind Polyph’s massive rump. Her nostrils flared, and she tensed her throat muscles for what was going to happen next.

“About time,” Durandal grumbled. He reached down and slid a buffalo with a queen’s crown to the side, preparing to take it out onto the center of the board. “Let’s get this over with, already.”

Polyph said nothing.

That’s when Rainbow Dash cleared her throat, stretched her neck, and spoke out the left side of her muzzle. ”You know what? I’m totally glad that they took your eye, you stupid salamander!”

Durandal’s jaws snapped. “What?!”

Polyph jerked in his seat, causing the whole cavern to shake. He nearly fell over the chessboard in the act of reaching for a “pawn.” “Huh?!” His one eye blinked in confusion.

“Just because you’re an ugly creep with eye doesn’t make us even! You hear me?!” Durandal grumbled.

“What are you talking about?!”

“Just play the game,” Durandal muttered, folding several of his many-many legs. “I don’t want to hear your underworld-forsaken voice.”

“Pfft. Fine, you crazy snake.”

As Polyph reached for a frozen griffon, Rainbow Dash eyed his movements, then spoke out the right side of her muzzle: ”And besides, suckerclops, you look like something that just crawled out of his mother’s toilet.”

“Grrrrr!” Polyph pounded his fist into the corner of the chessboard, causing cracks to form. “Hey! Are we playing a game or not?!”

“Unnngh…” Durandal sighed long and hard. “Spare me.”

“Just because I have to be silent doesn’t mean you gotta insult my mother!”

“Huh? What are you going on about now? I didn’t say anything.”

“Sure you did! You hissed it!”

“I did not!”

“Then who did?! Huh?!” Polyph growled. “You got a Missus Snake In the Mountain that I don’t know about?!”

“Polyph, you know as well as I do that I haven’t sought another basilisk since the Tartarusian curse neutered us all.”

“Hmmmph! Well you’ve got a fine way of compensating for it!”

“You know what?! If you’re gonna be such a bad sport, we don’t even have to finish this game!”

“So is that it?! You’re forfeiting the match?!” Polyph flexed his shoulder muscles threateningly. “Because I’m fine with that, you noodle turd!”

“What?! No! You’re being ridiculous!”

Rainbow Dash grunted out the right side of her muzzle again: ”Besides, I could beat you with my claws tied behind my back, ya melon fudge!”

“Is that so?!” Polyph’s hand flew across the room and gripped around Durandal’s scaly snout. “I’d like to see you try!”

“Snkkkt! What’s…” Durandal hissed and flung his lower end around, constricting it tightly around Polyph’s neck. “...wh-what’s gotten… hrkkkct… into y-you?!”

“Dunno…” Polyph’s face went blue around his twitching eye. “Can’t… breathe…”

“Me… n-neither…”

“What… do we do…?!”

“Stop… killing… each other… imbecile!”

With double gasps of pain, both monsters released each other, slumping on opposite ends of the chess slab. They took several moments to catch their breaths, writhing with cascading shivers.

“Durandal… old pal… I don’t know what came over me…”

“We’re both tense…” Durandal grumbled, flexing the scales of his throat. “Hrmmmph… We’ve been at this for months and months. It’s like the game goes nowhere.”

“We’re not in Tartarus anymore. We can be civil about this.”

“Hey, look at you. Using abstract words.”

“I know, right? It’s from listening you ramble endlessly.”

“Watch it, now.”

“Yes, yes. I know.” Polyph cracked his neck joints and shuddered. “I guess I just need to relax, is all…”

Rainbow Dash glanced to one wall, then another. At last, she uttered: ”Well, maybe you should grab the… calming lozenge?” She blinked at herself, then blurted: “In your bag!”

“Hey… That’s a good idea.” Polyph swiveled around and reached into his large satchel.

“Huh?” Durandal glanced over. “What’s a good idea?”

“Uhm…” Polyph held a glowing jar in his palm, blinking dumbly at the bright green eye sloshing unevenly within. “This isn’t a chamomile llama… or… what did you call it, Durandal?”

The reptilian gasp that lit the air next was positively deafening. Durandal reared his neck like a cobra. Bright red crests came out of hiding, framing his skull like a burning flower.

”What…” he growled like a hungry pride of lions, and all of them with rabies. “...are you doing… with that?!”

Polyph started to sweat furiously. “Uhhhhhhhhh…”

The Maretreal Squidjob

“Uhhhhhhhmmmm…” Polyph once more glanced at the jar with the floating eye, then back at Durandal, then back at the jar. “Ermmmmm…”

“Well?!” The basilisk reared his head higher, crested scales twitching like a fireworks display stuck in angry motion. “What are you doing with that thing in your possession?!”

“Ehhhhh…” Polyph pointed at it, his cycloptic features grimacing. “This little thing?”

“Yes, you dimwitted brimstone humper!” Durandal climbed over the table. His many-many legs barely avoided scraping Rainbow Dash to a pulp. “That’s my eye! The eye that the buffalo took from me!”

“Uhhhh…” Polyph gulped. “Are you sure?!”

“Yes, I am damned sure!” Durandal howled, his jawline coated with angry drool. “What else could that possibly friggin’ be?!”

“There are lots of monsters above and below Tartarus who could use a spare eye, y’know.”

“Bite your tongue, Polyph! If you had a spare eye, it’d be lodged miles up your colon!”

“Now now, let’s not jump to conclusions! Maybe… uh… I found it!”

“You found it?!” Durandal hissed. “Where? On an eye farm?”

“Erm…”

“Polyph, if eyes grew on trees, I’d be living in one of those orchards in a heartbeat, and not in some hellfire-forsaken tomb full of gray rocks and empty-headed bison!”

Rainbow Dash belched out the right side of her muzzle: ”How ‘bout a fair trade, ya suitcase?!”

“Huh?!” Durandal did a double-take.

“That brings up a good point!” Polyph slobbered, waving a finger with one hand as he held the jar high with the other. “Just how much would you want an eye like this, Durandal? Would you be willing to part with your lair?!”

“I’m not trading for something that’s already mine!” the Slithering shouted while knocking “chesspieces” aside. The frozen pegasi and wyverns clattered dully to the floor while the basilisk marched his way towards Polyph, forcing the cyclops to lean back with a modicum of trembles. “You’ve robbed me of time and common courtesy! I’ll not let you rob me of my eye! Especially when it already belongs to me!”

“Hah! You think you own everything in the world! Well not this, pal!” Polyph hugged the jar behind him and aimed the horn of his head forward to meet Durandal’s approach. “What if I owned this the whole time?!”

“Do you even remember when and where you got it?”

“I… er… uhm… derp?”

“It’s mine, I tell you!” Durandal hissed, standing up on half of his legs while he waved his forward limbs like an enraged centipede’s. “That muscle bomber of a bison took it from me, and now I want it back!”

“Pffft. What do you want two eyes for anyway? You beat me in chess every moon for free.”

“Grrrrrr… Polyph…”

“At least Nobody has a better track record of keeping his eye-sockets guarded!”

“You’re about to get yourself a new eye-socket, pal!” Durandal snarled. “In your throat!”

“But why would I need to see from there--?”

Rainbow Dash pivoted towards them and grunted out her muzzle’s left side. ”To study the kernels in all the crap that you keep swallowing!”

Polyph growled at the remark. “Oh yeah?! Study this!” And he clocked Durandal’s snout with his right fist.

The Slithering took the brunt of the impact. His skull reared back, roping the length of his neck and upper body with it like a wet noodle. Then, with the dexterity of a palm tree, his neck and face bounced back, snarling vehemently into Polyph’s face.

The bipedal freak’s one eye twitched. “M-my bad?”

”Hresssssshaaa!” Durandal pounced on him like a ravenous python. The jar with the glowing eye fell to the floor and rolled down an incline of stone while the entire cavern shook and quivered from the two beast’s pent-up fisticuffs.

“Good job, Squidgy!” Rainbow Dash hissed. Then, giving the two monsters a nervous glance, she flapped her wings, relaxed her dangling legs with a breath of relief, and darted her way towards the massive door.

“Grrrrrnnngh!” Durandal’s body had wrapped four times around Polyph, and his multiple legs were pummeling him from all angles. “You stupid. Worthless. Sack of puke. Idiot!”

“Hckkkkt!” Polyph wrestled with the serpent, twisting his horned head out from the leathery pile of scales constricting him. “Haaaugh! You call this a battle?! No wonder you cling to chess like an infant incubus! Rrrrrgh!” He picked up as much of the basilisk’s weight as he could and suplexed it against a wall of cloud stone. Stalactites popped loose and rained on the enraged pair’s shoulders while Durandal recovered, biting Polyph’s elbow and making the beast howl with a whining dog sound.

In the meantime, Rainbow Dash had flown towards the two large partitions.

“Good thing there’s no pet door, or else I’d be so out of here.” She took a deep breath, gazing up and down at the massive frame from where she hovered. “Friggin’ words of an egghead. Don’t fail me now!” She threw her shoulder into the doors.

They refused to budge.

“Nnnnnngh!” Rainbow pushed and pushed and shoved with all her might. “Come on… come on! Just a little bit of sunlight! Is that t-too much to ask?!”

After a full minute had passed, she leaned back, panting. The battle still raged on in the background, but it wasn’t clear who the victor was shaping up to be.

“And I’m not about to wait it out, either.” Rainbow cracked the joints in her neck. “Guess this means one thing. I gotta get myself some extra muscle.” With a reluctant sigh, she reached into her saddlebag and grasped the pill bottle. Her numb hooves struggled with the lid. “Darn it! Open already! I’m not a little foal!” The container shook and shook in her grasp.

“Stop… trying… to… scare me… w-with… your rattle, Durandal!” Polyph sputtered whilst in a sleeper hold.

“I don’t… nnngh… have a rattle, you big oaf!”

“Then… wh-what’s making that sound?!”

Both monsters struggled and struggled… then froze.

So did Rainbow Dash. Suddenly, all she heard was the flutter of her feathers as she levitated before the door with her pill box. Not long after, a glowing beam cascaded over her afar, fluctuating with reptilian blinks. The basilisk’s spotlight tingled her flank muscles and mane hair.

The pegasus gulped, her back to the spotlight. “Hoboy.”

Polyph Screwed Polyph

"One of them thawed!" Polyph's voice growled. Rainbow heard the fumbling of limbs becoming disentangled from across the way. She fought the urge to spin around and look at the scene, for fear of turning to stone. "I knew I should have channeled extra frost!"

"Then how come she's not shivering--? Polyph!"

A pair of heavy steps thundered across the stone floor, an eerie sensation for the pegasus' ears.

"Hey! You! Damned ponysquito! Back in the bag with you!"

"Polyph, wait! She can fly, you idiot!"

It didn't take a college professor to know that the cyclops was the one charging violently up towards Rainbow Dash. So—like the flight school dropout that she was—Rainbow Dash undertook a mental calculation, flapped her wings, and backflipped away from the door right as the cyclops came barreling in, swiping at her with a massive fist.

"Whoah!" Polyph stumbled forward, tripped, and slammed skull-first into the door. Both frames rattled, and cracks formed along their wooden surfaces. Dusty air billowed around him as he struggled and strained with the sudden predicament he was in. "Graaaugh!" He yanked back at his shoulders and neck, but the horn in his head had stuck deep into the wooden surface of the doors. "Hmmmnnghh! Guh! My horn!"

"You piece of demon crap!" Durandal grumbled. "You know we have to keep those doors shut! What's the matter with you?!"

As Rainbow flew backwards, she caught a brief glint of the basilisk's direct eyesight. Her inner organs quivered, and she banked sharply to the left to break the gaze. When she evened out, she was blind in her right eye. The pegasus gasped, her entire face twitching. Hovering to a stop towards the roof of the ceiling, she fluttered her right eyelid, feeling a strain on her muscles.

Two or three of her eyelashes had turned to stone. She tried plucking them with the edge of her hoof, but her limbs were still too numb from withdrawal.

It was a few seconds into this breathless moment that she saw her dark silhouette forming against a spotlight on the ceiling. The air rushed beneath her with the unmistakable whistling noise of a reptilian snout careening her way.

Grunting, Rainbow Dash twirled, kicked at a stalactite, and dove down. Rows of teeth snapped just inches from her flailing tail. The resulting thunderclap of Durandal's jaws sent a shockwave of distorted air flying in every direction. The blast struck Rainbow in the flank, knocking her weight off balance. She stifled a shriek, shooting her left feathers straight out so that she could slow her plummet into a gradual spiral. In so doing, she found herself cycling around the outstretched body of the basilisk. Several legs swiped at her, with razor-sharp claws missing her by multiple hairs' width.

Squeaking from the straing on her muscles, Rainbow Dash twirled past his angry legs, dodged falling stalactites from the impacted ceiling, and then dove past his thick, slashing tail. She dove deep into the ruins of the collapsed pegasus city, finding a hiding space in the shadow of two collapsed temple and a veritable forest of marble columns.

"Dammit, where'd she go?!" Durandal shouted. "I had her! I know it! No pegasus could possibly be that fast!"

"Will you stop trying to munch on pony popcorn and h-help me, Durandal?!"

"Hey! Why should I help you?! You brought a live chesspiece into my lair!"

"It's not... nnngh... your lair forever!"

"Shut up! I need to find where this puny ingrate is hiding!"

"Use your... nnnngh... tongue, ya scaley ferret!"

"Idiot! I'm way ahead of you!" Durandal's voice shook the Cloudstone ruins with bass reverberations as his dozens of legs trampled over the cracked buildings.

In the meantime, Rainbow Dash had slid herself into a crack between to collapsed marble columns. Scrunched up in their combined shadow, she caught her breath, squinting with one eye as she struggled, fumbled, and finally pried the cap off to her pill container. Tossing a tablet down her throat, she licked up her own sweat, added it to the saliva, and gulped. She pressed her head back to the Cloudstone column and held her breath.

In slow, pinprick tingles, she felt the senses coming back to her limbs. The cavern felt suddenly cold and jarring. She tried not to shiver.

The ground above her shook.

She gritted her teeth, blinking. She remember she was still half-"blind." She tried forcing her right lid open, but the lashes were weighing her eye shut.

"Guhhh!"

Hissing to herself, she pouted, then gasped. Her hooves flew to her saddlebag. After a little bit of rummaging, she pulled out the looking-glass that Churning had given her hours ago. She aimed the thing at her face, spotting the gray spokes that her ill-fated lashes had become. Biting onto her lower lip, she squeezed the lashes under the flat of her left hoof and plucked with all her might.

"Yeowch!"

She dropped the things like pins to the floor. To her shock, they echoed like bullets.

Rainbow tensed immediately. Being able to see clearly out both eyes was of very little comfort to her. She held her breath, glancing left and right. The pegasus didn't dare glance completely around either edge of the Cloudstone columns behind her.

All the while, the scraping and scuffling of reptilian claws drew closer... distant... closer... and then distant again.

The pegasus fidgeted. She took a long look at her mirror. With a deep breath, the pegasus held the thing up in the crook of her hoof, then angled the reflective part around. This way, she was able to peer along the floor of the cavern immediately surrounding her hiding spot. She spotted shifting shadows, the hint of a sweeping light, and then nothing.

Her blue brow furrowed. Leaning to the right somewhat, she tilted the looking glass at a sharper angle.

She saw an uneven ceiling. Stalactites careening from their foundations. Scrape marks. A flash of light—

Just then, the mirror filled up completely with a single, pale, glowing eye, surrounded completely by scales.

Rainbow's voice cracked as her whole body tensed. "Luna's nipple!"

Shiiiiinccckt! A pair of claws slashed through the air on either side of her and the marble columns. The razor sharp appendages fished through the air, feeling, searching.

The pegasus' heart pumped and pumped. As the claws inched closer, scraping at the Cloudstone above and behind her, she scrunched her body up into a little blue statue and clenched her eyes shut. She hissed through clenched teeth, sweating up a storm. She searched the inner surfaces of her eyelids, thinking about brighter places, happier places.

A blonde mane. Tender freckles. A voice like cinammon.

Crkkk!

The Cloudstone started to buckle all around her...

A Lair No More

Rainbow Dash held her breath. Her legs tensed, the rear limbs pressing against the base of the crumbling column as she prepared to kick off and fly somewhere—anywhere. But as the claws fished closer and the steamy air filled brighter and brighter with Durandal's glow, she couldn't spot a practical escape path from her predicament.

Then, like a burst of thunder from the distance, Polyph's voice wailed, "Durandallll! Nnnngh—Help me! I'm stuck!"

The column behind Rainbow Dash stopped shaking. "I know you're stuck, Polyph!" he boomed back. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm trying to find our little intruder!"

"Look. Whatever it is, it's long gone now! Stop creeping around a bunch of useless bricabrac and come help me!"

The air shifted from the basilisk's sniffling nostrils. A dull pause, and then the many legs scraped and scuffled across the floor. "Hrmmm... very well..."

Shivering, Rainbow Dash gripped the looking glass again. She angled it beyond the edge of the cracked column and gazed at its reflection. She spotted the scales and claws of the massive monster slithering away. Her little alcove of the collapsed pegasus city was once again being ignored.

With an exhale of relief, Rainbow Dash shifted forward, her weight falling on all four hooves. Slipping the mirror back into her saddlebag, she bravely peered around the corner.

She saw nothing but rising steam and scattered rocks.

The pegasus squinted. She looked left, then right. Still, nothing stirred. The ancient alabaster courtyards of the lair lingered in silence.

Gulping, she quietly padded out, then began flapping her wings. She lifted up in the air by twenty feet... forty... sixty...

The higher she rose, the greater a view of the entire cavern she got. Rainbow could now see Polyph's leather bag, Durandal's foodstuffs, and the chessboard full of frozen figures. At last, she rose high enough to see the double-doors where Polyph was still stuck.

And the cyclops was alone. "Nnnngh! Durandal, where are you?!"

Rainbow Dash sucked her breath in. The air lit up around her with a pale glow.

"Having myself a snack," rumbled a heavy, moist breath from behind.

Rainbow Dash did something stupid. She flew backwards.

Catching the basilisk off guard, she ricocheted off his twitching head, rolled over his glowing eye, and dove down his long, long backside. The giant serpent-like beast tried spinning around, flinging his outstretched limbs at the pegasus like propeller blades. Rainbow Dash held her breath and effortlessly bobbed and weaved in and out of the thin spaces afforded between the sharp claws. When she at last reached the tail, she flew the weight of her body into a soft spot and slammed into it with all four limbs. Thwap!

"Owww!" Durandal snarled. "Damn it!"

Rainbow could already see the pale spotlight forming on the ground around her. She rolled to the side and sprang off the stone. Milliseconds later, Durandal's jaws slammed into the rocky floor, teeth grinding against the pale material and causing sparks to fly.

Already twirling about, Rainbow glided like a blue missile for the door. Polyph's fat thighs and flapping loin cloth loomed in view. Despite the ugly sight, Rainbow continued hurling her body towards it, wings flapping in a mad blur.

"Come on... come on..."

Sure enough, she heard the rustling of scales behind her. "I'm going to eat you. Crap you out. And set you on fire, you stupid, meddling pony!"

Just then, Polyph twisted his skull, heaved his shoulders, and finally got his skull unstuck from the doors. "Haaaaugh!" He spun around with a sprinkling of wooden splinters cascading down his torso. "Heheh! And you said I could never use my head—" His speech cut itself short as he shrieked like a feminine elephant.

Rainbow Dash was sailing towards his skull. She spun twice around his head, planted her body against the back of her skull, and shoved off with all her strength. "Nnngh!"

Polyph's head jerked forward. Propelled by the weight of his horn, he stumbled towards Durandal—who was in the process of leaping towards Rainbow Dash and—consequently—Polyph.

Thuddd! Both monsters slammed into one another with a murderous clap of thunder. Durandal's lengthy body wrapped around Polyph's three times. Suffocating, the cyclops shook and thrashed about, trying to get disentangled from his demonic chess partner.

"Mmmfnnnghhh!"

"Just stop struggling! I'm trying to untwist myself!"

"Unnghwsshh ghhuusllff?! Gummfwngiffjkljdsplnn!"

"Just stop! I got this! I've got—dammit, Polyph!"

"Rhuuguuuuu!"

In the meantime, Rainbow Dash had flown around in an arc, coming to a hovering stop before the two monstrosities. She levitated there in a casual manner, cracking the joints in her neck and shoulders before drifting forward and giving the two a gentle kick—not to mention a smirk.

"Gaaaaaaah!" Durandal shrieked for the both of them as they teetered like giant lumber towards the door, inevitably smashing it. The wooden frames completely shattered, flying off the hinges. The outside world yawned wide open, filling the air with a cold mountain draft.

"Hah!" Rainbow Dash pumped her hoof in mid-air. She flew down and perched victoriously on an outcropping of Cloudstone. "Serves you right, you flank-sniffing creepazoids! Feel that sunshine kissing your flesh with fire?! That's the taste of justice! Courtesy of Rainbow Kickflank Dash—" She threw a casual glance outside and immediately belched: "Oh come on!"

It was a dark, cloudy night outside.

"Ughhhh..." Durandal's one glowing eye spun in a pale swirl.

"Raaaaaaaaugh!" Polyph finally burst out of the mess of looping coils and reached for the pegasus.

Rainbow barely had the chance to squeak, much less flutter away. A massive hand grabbed her, all five iron-wrought fingers constricting her like a vice.

"Rrrrgh!" Polyph stood tall in the doorframe, sneering into Rainbow Dash's twitching face. His breath was steely and rancid while his horn glowed with bright blue frost energy. "I'm gonna freeze your insides and peel your skin off slowly while you watch, you stupid bird horse!"

"Grnnkkkt..." Rainbow Dash wheezed, her eyes tearing. "Gr-groovy..."

"Uhhh... Polyph?"

"Not now, Durandal!" the cyclops roared as the air between him and Rainbow Dash grew chillier. "You hunt down your own dessert!"

"Polyyyyyph!"

"Grrrr—What?!" He spun to see, then gasped with a shrill shriek.

The clouds had broken, giving way to solid moonlight. The lunar glow ran across the southern mountain face in a sharp swath, causing the monsters' flesh to instantly steam. Both the basilisk and the cyclops writhed in pain from the sun's reflected energy.

Rainbow gasped as she felt herself dropped from Polyph's gnarled hand. She flew backwards, panting, watching with bright ruby eyes as both beasts tried scrambling back into the lair.

But it was too late; the moon's glow followed them. With no double doors to block its path, it wafted into the lair. It made contact with the layers upon layers of cloudstone, and suddenly the light intensified. Rainbow Dash watched in wonderment as the lair glowed five times brighter, with the pale constructs of the ancient pegasus city magnifying the lunar light by tenfold.

Durandal's lair had suddenly turned into a virtual oven. Every inch of the serpent's slithering body smoked as if burning from the inside out. He and Polyph comically slid and hopped about, every surface of the interior instantly stinging them upon contact.

"Aaaugh! It burns! It burns!"

"Damned curse!"

"My lair!" Durandal shrieked. "My beautiful, beautiful home!"

"Bah!" Polyph tried grabbing his bag, wincing as his feet sizzled with each step he took. "You can keep it! This is a friggin' pressure cooker!" His skull caught on fire, and he yelped in a high-pitched tone. "Aaaaaugh! My horn! Screw this!" He scrambled on all fours-like a gorilla and bounded outside into the considerably less-bright valley. "I'm better off in the Underworld!"

"Polyyyph!" Durandal stammered in a suddenly panicked voice. His legs went slack as he slithered like a giant cobra after the cyclops. "Help me! You gotta carry me!"

"Nuts to that!" Polyph's voice echoed over the night-swept hillsides. "I gotta make it back to Tartarus before sunrise!"

"I don't wanna melt out here!" Durandal was a slobbering, pitiful mess. "Take me with youuuuu!" His body slithered down the mountainside like a slinking shadow. Soon, all Rainbow Dash could see of him was the glow of his eye, but even that vanished as he fled into the depths of the mountain range.

"Yeah! Awwww yeah!" Rainbow Dash touched down on the glowing floor littered with rocks and door parts. She reared her front legs and cheered. "Take a brimstone bath and never come back, ya jerkmeisters!" She heard a rattling sound and glanced down at a jar that had rolled to a stop with a sloshing eye inside. "Wooo! Didja see that, Squidgy?!" She stretched her hoof out. "Gimme some skin!"

The jar made contact with the moonlight. The eye spun around three times, burst into flames, and melted with a puff of smoke.

"..." Rainbow blinked. "Woohooo! Yaaay Squidgy!" She jumped, did a few flips in the air, and levitated in place, catching her breaths. She gazed out at the star-lit countryside, grinning to herself.

As her panting inhales and exhales evened out, she imagined she was in another part of Equestria, gazing down at rows upon rows of apple orchards instead. In the next blink, the farm had vanished, but she felt no less exultant.

Her smile widened, though it was a soft thing by now. Quietly, she twirled about, squinting towards the enormous chessboard.

"Hmmmm..."

Bisonouement

"Nnnnngh!" Rainbow Dash pushed and strained. "Haaa-gnnngh!" Sweat ran down her blue brow as she shoved and shoved against the petrified statue of Churning Bag.

After a few minutes of gruntwork, she finally succeeded in moving the stone white figure of the mountain ram from the base of the chessboard table to the edge of the cave. Once near the entrance, she took a deep breath, took survey of her surroundings, and shoved the statue the last couple of inches until it rested in the moonlight.

"If this doesn't work, I'll be a donkey's uncle..."

Flapping her wings, she hovered back and watched with a gaping expression.

At first, the statue remained perfectly inert. Then, as the moonlight cascaded completely around the thing, Rainbow Dash could see puffs of steam forming. Inch by inch, the petrified surface of the figure dissolved. Rainbow watched as Churning Bag turned from stone to flesh, like a swath of glowing energy unpeeling him from his skull to his cloven hooves. The ram's eyes blinked, and he took a deep, deep breath.

"Hey there, sparky!" Rainbow Dash grinned wide. "How's it hoofin'?"

"Bananas!" Thud! Churning collapsed in a shivering heap, his wide eyes peering across the Cloudstone lengths of the lair. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy..."

Rainbow flew down and hovered just above his horns. "You okay? I mean... you're not dying or anything...?"

The ram gulped, staring a million miles away. "I had the most horrifying dream... about a chess game in which nobody had the decency to castle the king..."

"Good enough!" Rainbow twirled higher in the air and throttled her way towards the chessboard yet again. "Wait right here! I'm gonna get you a shiver buddy!"

"Nnnnnngh!" Rainbow Dash shoved one of several buffalo statues into the moonlight at the mouth of the cave. Waiting there were Churning Bag and three other buffalo, still recuperating from their hours, days, even weeks of frozen confinement.

"T-tiny flying buffalo brings light back to buffalo, buffalo!"

"It's almost as if flying buffalo with buffalo wings has buffalo'd the Slithering, buffalo!"

"That's... because... I-I totally did!" Rainbow Dash finished shoving the next bison into the moonlight. She stepped back and brushed her hooves off as the statue started coming back to life. "The freaky basilisk is gone! Same story with his dumb-as-nails cycloptic life partner!"

"Wait, there was a cyclops involved?" Churning Bag asked.

"Yup! Smelled bad too."

"And the reason you didn't chop off his toe for medicinal purposes is..."

"Yeah..." Rainbow Dash grinned as her voice cracked, "We're not talking about that anymore. Yup. Thank you."

"Nnnnnngh!" One buffalo charged violently at Rainbow Dash, but because of muscle atrophy he collapsed weakly several feet away, panting.

Rainbow rolled her eyes and floated over towards him. "Here. I'll make it easier for you." She extended her cutie-mark'd flank.

The bison grunted, strained, and lifted his head in order to give the pegasus a meager bump with his horns. He collapsed again, wheezing. "What... d-does buffalo owe... winged non-buffalo... for buffaloing the buffalo... out of the Slithering, buffalo?"

"Well, for one, that's all up to your boss," Rainbow Dash said. "For another..." She turned and pointed at the huge chess board and Polyph's bag behind it. "We've got more fish to fry. Or, in this case, pegasi, griffons, and wyverns."

A few of the buffalo squinted warily at her. "What is in it for us, buffalo, buffalo?"

Rainbow grinned wickedly. "A little something called... 'apple pie.'"

"One. Two. Three. Buffalo! One. Two. Three. Buffalo!"

In steady, militaristic movements, the unfrozen buffalo pushed their petrified kin towards the moonlight in droves.

Meanwhile, a large bonfire had been formed in the center of the cavern. There, the buffalo had gathered the frozen victims of Polyph the Cyclops. One after another, creatures thawed, reduced to shivering messes. A train of cooperating bison had formed a line, shredding apart long strips of canvas from Durandal's storage and using them to warm the griffons, pegasi, and wyverns who sat in a trembling circle around the blaze.

Enough time had passed for messengers to run out the shattered doorfame and up the mountainside to where the entrance to the Granite Mountain Buffalo domain lay. It didn't take long for members of the populace to come marching back with medicine, herbal remedies, and warm soup for the unfrozen creatures to enjoy. Griffons and wyverns chatted with one another while pegasi flexed their feathers and smiled at their new lease of life.

"I was delivering a bag of long-distance mail to Manehattan when a storm hit!" said one pegasus. "I thought I could take shelter in this one cave I spotted. That's when the creep snuck up on me and shot me with a bright blue light. Next thing I know, I'm here."

"I'm almost afraid to ask how much time has gone by," another pegasus stammered over a cup of warm soup. She bundled the canvas cloak tighter around herself and squeaked, "Is Princess Celestia still ruler of Equestria?"

"Yes. Yes she is."

"Oh, good." She smiled. Then, a few seconds later, she squinted. "Wait. That doesn't help me at all."

"Hrmmmfff..." A griffon sneered as he shrugged the cloak off his shoulders and took flight. "Wait until the Empire hears about this. All cyclopses will face the wrath of the Talon!"

Rainbow and Churning Bag watched from an outcropping of Cloudstone as the griffon flew out the mouth of the cave, joined by a few wyverns and random pegasi.

"Well..." Churning glanced aside. "I think we might have seen the beginning of world-wide cyclops genocide."

"Yeah..." Rainbow Dash exhaled through a smile. "Isn't it cool?"

"I guess this means my mirror-selling business has hit the proverbial crapper."

"Pfft! Is that all that you can think of?" Rainbow Dash gestured towards the scene. "Some really killer awesome stuff happened just now! All of these guys and gals can return to their families! And besides..." She nudged the mountain ram. "You're not gonna go broke. We made a deal earlier, remember?"

"That's still depending on one thing, though, isn't it?"

"Hmm? Like what?"

"Well, the buffalo's taste buds, for one."

Rainbow gulped and glanced out the mouth of the cave, her twinkling eyes matching the starry sky.

"Yeah.... about that..."

The Moment of Buffalo Truth, Buffalo

“...a chessboard, buffalo?” He Who Bags Well leaned forward with a scrupulous squint.

A frazzled bison nodded. “Yes, Buffalo Who Bags Well, buffalo.” He cracked the joints in his neck and glanced aside at Rainbow Dash and Churning Bag who were standing beside him inside the tribal leader’s cave. “We and several other creatures were used as game pieces for the monsters’ amusement, buffalo.”

“What other creatures?”

”Griffons, wyverns, and wing ponies, buffalo.”

“What’s a wyvern?”

”I do not know! Not a buffalo, buffalo!”

A pegasus stepped up, still shivering as condensation ran down his shiny armor. “My name is Feathersteel of the Eastern Canterlot Brigade. Myself and several ponies in my unit were caught by a cyclops a long time ago. We were--in effect--frozen for what appears to have been the duration of four months. We suspect the wyverns and the griffons met a similar fate--only we are all free now.” He glanced aside and nodded towards Rainbow Dash. “All thanks to this mare.”

Rainbow smirked and tilted her chin up.

“She must have infiltrated the lair of the two Tartarus escapees and driven them out with moonlight. We all owe her our lives.”

“Eh…” Rainbow Dash shrugged, waving a hoof limply. “Maybe a backscratch will do. I dunno about lives.”

“No, I mean it!” The pegasus turned aside, gazing at her with quivering eyes. “My stallions and I are in your debt! So is the office of Canterlot Defense! When our families find out that we’re still alive--”

“You’re talking as if I don’t know I’m already awesome.” Rainbow winked. “Thanks, pal. Really cute stuff.”

“Can… can we at least know the name of the pony who saved us?”

“I’ll give away autographs later.” Rainbow stepped forward, clearing her throat. “Hey! You Who Drags a Scene Out Well! About our deal--”

”What should we do if the buffalo return, buffalo?!”” The bison behind her snarled.

“If this basilisk returns, we’re done for!” He Who Bags Well shuddered.

“Not very likely,” Churning Bag said with a smirk. “You know those big honkin’ doors you have on the south side of the mountain?”

“Yes, buffalo…?”

“Well, it’s the perfect receptacle for both sunlight and moonlight! I really doubt those freakjobs are gonna try messing with your bulky, fuzzy heads anytime soon!”

Feathersteel nodded. “Also, as a precautionary measure, my team will be working with the griffon survivors to erect a series of enchanted moonstones around the main entrance. They should absorb the sunlight during the day and reflect it back out gradually over the course of night.” He smirked. “There’ll no longer be any conceivable way of entering the hollow of the Granite Mountains.”

Buffalo Who Bags Well fidgeted on his well-toned legs. “The buffalo do not think that the buffalo are prepared to compensate for such a buffalo security measure, buffalo.”

“Think nothing of it,” Feathersteel said with a bow. “What we do here, we do for the security of Equestria. I’m certain you’ll find the griffons in agreement.” He glanced aside at Rainbow Dash. “Now, if I could humbly ask for your name--”

“Hey! Shades!” Rainbow Dash whistled at the bison leader. “The agreement! Savvy?!”

“Huh?” He Who Bags Well blinked.

His graying mother stuck her moldy head from beyond a curtain of beads in the back. ”Taste her damn hubcaps, buffalo!”

“I’ve got it under control, mother!” The buffalo rolled his shaded eyes, and turned towards Rainbow Dash with a sigh. “Alright… where is it…?”

“Your future deliverer has a sample right here!” Rainbow Dash gestured aside as Churning Bag trotted up, holding a golden brown pie in an aluminum pan.

“Uhhh… you may not find it as shiny as a mirror…” The mountain ram smiled nervously. “But it’s certainly going to be a lot tastier.”

“What’s it called again?”

Rainbow Dash smirked. “Apple pie! Courtesy of Fancy Pants! And he’s got it courtesy of Sweet Apple Acres, the birthplace of all sweet, golden delicious apples!”

“And you think the buffalo are going to develop a buffalo taste for this edible commodity, buffalo?”

“So long as you’re willing to part with the Cloudstone inside that chamber that I just cleared out for you!” Rainbow Dash leaned in, wagging her eyebrows. “Free of charrrrrrge…”

“Hrmmm…” He Who Bags Well motioned for the pie pan. “Let me give it a buffalo taste.”

As Churning trotted forward, Rainbow Dash waved a knife in the crook of her hoof. “Here, you can cut it with this and serve yourself a slice--”

SPLUT! He Who Bags Well shoved his face deep into the dessert, causing Churning to wince.

Rainbow blinked. “Orrrrrrrrr get freaky with it.” She tossed the knife behind her shoulder with a shrug. “Whatever works.”

He Who Bags Well stood with his head skull-deep into pie. After a few seconds of motionlessness, his mother stuck her head out from the curtain again.

”Has my worthless buffalo son suffocated yet, buffalo?!”

”Mrmmmmff--No, motherrrrrmmmfff”

”Awwwwwwwww buffalo poop, buffalo!” She leaned back in.

“Ahem…” Rainbow Dash gulped, trying to hide the fact that she was sweating. “Well?” She fidgeted from one side of her hooves to the other.

“Grmmmmff--!” The tribal leader leaned back, his face covered from horn to chin in dripping apple curds and fruity gunk.

Churning Bag glanced at Rainbow Dash and Feathersteel, then back at the buffalo boss.

“Hrmmmmm…” He Who Bags Well licked his mouth clean so that his lips could pronounce, “Buffalo… No, Buffalo. It is not possible to enjoy this, buffalo.”

Rainbow Dash’s legs almost gave way.

His eyes twitched as his pupils shrank away from her. “It is only possible to buffalo worship, this, buffalo!!!!!”

Rainbow’s wings and eartips sharply jerked up. She grinned wide. “Hah! Ain’t it the truth?!”

“Buffalo had no idea that buffalo ambrosia could buffalo exist, buffalo!” He Who Bags Well was practically vibrating with ecstasy. He licked up all he could from the pie pan and fought the urge to hyperventilate. “Please, non buffalo with non buffalo wings, tell me where buffalo can find more, buffalo!”

“Yes, well, good thing I brought a whole cart--” Rainbow Dash spun around. She blinked. ”Hey!”

A miniature herd had gathered around the front of the cave, butting heads as they fought and clambered over a mushy pile of pie pieces. The air filled with the sound of smacking lips and gnawing teeth: ”Buffalo! Buffalo! Buffalo! Buffalo!”

“Hey!” Buffalo Who Bags Well snarled. “Leave some for your buffalo leader, buffalo! I’m the one trading with non-buffalo, buffalo!”

Rainbow instantly flew into his face with happy, fluttering wings. “The onlyyyyyyyy way to get more is to trade for more!” She grinned devilishly. “And more, I can get you. Not just pies, but fritters, cobblers, caramel treats on a stick! Even juice!”

The native mountaineer nearly shed a tear at that. “You… you m-mean…” His apple-stained lips stammered as he gazed in disbelief at the pan in his hooves. “A buffalo can actually drink this nectar?”

“For a price.” Rainbow Dash squinted. “Cloudstone. And lots of it.”

“Whaddya say, champ?” Churning Bag waggled an eyebrow. “Win win win for everyone today! But you get to win the most!”

He Who Bags Well looked at his hungrily scarfing buffalo, at the pan in his grasp, then at Rainbow Dash. His nostrils flared… then flared harder.

Blessed are the Apples

"And so, gentlecolts..." Fancy Pants adjusted his monocle and leaned forward from where he sat at the dining room table deep inside his Trottingham mansion. "While I agree that expanding into Fillydelphia would be good for revenue, I'm concerned about the loss that our western factories would be suffering."

"What loss is that, Fancy?" Filthy Rich muttered from the group of stallions seated at one side of the long table.

"Why, the hundreds of ponies who would be without a job because we'd inevitably have to shut down several installations in order to facilitate the move."

Filthy sighed, slicking his bangs back. "It's only one facility, Fancy. We're talking about a major financial gain for our partnership. In the long run, the losses are acceptable!"

"Pardon my audacity, Mr Rich, but I simply do not believe in 'acceptable' losses."

Another stallion frowned as he said, "And that, Fancy, is why we've dropped in the stock market the last two quarters and running! The public simply does not share your particular brand of boundless optimism!"

"Nopony does!" Filthy grumbled. "And if you want this partnership to continue, you have to bring something solid to the table besides this unwavering defense in laboring commoners—"

"Ahem..."

Everypony turned towards the doorway.

The estate's butler stood in his tuxedo, trembling slightly. He tilted his chin up and murmured in Fancy Pants' direction. "Sir? You have a visitor..."

"Surely you see that I am in a meeting..."

"Sir, it's that visitor," the butler said with narrow squint. Suddenly, something blue blurred over his head.

Every business stallion and mare at the table gasped as Rainbow Dash flew in, her muddied hooves landing on the table. She marched her way up the polished wooden surface, tail flicking in the face of several corporate mongels. At last, she stood before Fancy Pants. Then—with a single gasp—she dropped a burlap bag before the well-to-do unicorn.

Fancy Pants glanced at the bag, then up at Rainbow.

Rainbow stood tall, panting from the rapid flight. Her mane was a frayed mess and her coat had become a patchwork mosaic of sweat, bruises, and Cloudstone dust.

Curious, Fancy levitated the bag in front of him, zipped it open, and pulled out a woven chesspiece made of tribal beads. A series of red and green beads created the image of a crimson apple set within the brown outline of a cloven hoof. His breath instantly left him, and his monocle fell to the floor between the table and the stool.

Several ponies murmured to one another. Filthy Rich gulped, slumping back in his chair as he began sweating.

Fancy Pants looked up at Rainbow Dash, his eyes bearing an inquisitive glint.

Rainbow Dash smirked... then smirked wider. She nodded.

Fancy Pants blinked, and his lips curved. "Smashing..." he whispered.

An hour later, business stallions and mares left the front driveway of the rich estate in a train of fancy stagecoaches. The manor's butler oversaw the safe departure of the multiple vehicles.

"Well, I'm a bit surprised," Rainbow Dash remarked from where she hovered a few feet above Fancy Pants at the entrance to his mansion. "Some of them actually seemed excited to hear the news!"

"Take it at surface value, my little pony," Fancy Pants said, scribbling on several sheets of parchment with a levitating pen. He passed them to one of two secretaries standing at his side. "Many of them feel positively slighted."

"Really?" Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow and glanced down at him. "What for?"

"Egoes run huge in the business world, Miss Dash. Though this is a substantial victory for the entire partnership, there are associates of mine who simply do not like being told that their view of the situation is wrong." He smirked. "We've been running a bit low on hope around here, lately. Many of the ponies I work with have confused my good-will with madness."

"I think you should find yourself some new friends," Rainbow remarked with her hooves on her hips.

"Oh, I do believe I'll be gaining quite a few more at this point," Fancy said, scribbling onto a last sheet of parchment. He hoofed it to the secretaries who bowed and trotted briskly into the manor. "With this Cloudstone operation going into full swing, we'll surely make up for the last few years of profit losses. I intend to create new jobs from here to Stalliongrad. Then, slowly, as the years go by..." He smiled and took a deep, deep breath. "We'll completely revitalize the steam industry. And I owe it all to you, Miss Dash."

"Yeah yeah..." Rainbow Dash smirked and waved towards a distant pair of maids. They giggled and galloped off as she turned to look at the stallion again. "Just remember what we agreed upon."

He blinked. "Oh, absolutely. I am a stallion of my word."

"Good. Then my job here is done." She flapped her wings to take off.

"But Miss Dash—!" He stretched his hoof out, beckoning her to halt. "I... I simply must ask..." He squinted. "Why the anonymity?"

"Hmmm?"

"All it would take is a simple message," Fancy Pants said. "After all, this apple procurer is an acquaintance of yours, is she not? Wouldn't she be proud to know what you accomplished here today?"

Rainbow Dash gazed quietly at the blue sky...

"You did all of this?!" Applejack asked, her eyes sparkling from across Sugarcube Corner. Twilight and Rarity were staring. Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie were staring. Everypony was staring. "For me?! But why?! You nearly killed yourself, sugarcube! Why'd you go through all the trouble?"

"I... I..." Rainbow Dash backed up into the corner as the shadows closed all around her. She sweated and struggled to pull her wings down, but they practially dug into the walls above her as she trembled. "I just... just..."

"Well, Rainbow Dash?!" Applejack loomed above her, eyes warm and fiery all at once. "Was there something you always wanted to tell me, sugarcube?"

Rainbow squeaked indecipherable words, her eyes starting to tear up.

"All I ever wanted to do was be a mother someday," Applejack said as the walls of Sugarcube Corner collapsed, giving way to apple orchards and starlight. "To have a stallion and some foals of my own." She became one with the shadows though her voice drifted away. "Do you still want to tell me something, darlin'?"

Rainbow Dash sighed long and hard. With a calm smile, she turned and shook her head at the stallion.

"Just do it like we agreed, dude. It's only business."

"But—"

"Hey. Life's simple!" She flapped her wings, drifting upwards in the blue sky. "I'm awesome and everypony else wishes they were just as awesome! So long as I have that in the bag, s'all gravy. Ya feel me?"

"I... I suppose I can grasp that..."

"No you can't." Rainbow giggled and zipped off. "And don't forget! Churning Bag's the deliverer from here on out!"

"Crystal clear, Miss Dash!" Fancy Pants waved as she darted westward. He took a deep breath, smiled, and trotted into his mansion. "But a selfless soul such as yours hasn't heard the last from me..."

"Hnnngh!" Applejack bucked a tree hard. As apples fell squarely into their baskets, she wiped her sweaty brow, panting into the afternoon sunlight.

"Hey! Sis! Heeeeeey Applejack!"

The mare blinked. She and Big Macintosh turned from the row of trees they were kicking and faced the path leading towards the country road adjacent to Sweet Apple Acres.

Apple Bloom came skipping down the row of grass between trees, but she wasn't alone. A finely suited stallion trotted slowly behind her. In the distance, an ornate stage coach was parked with two chauffers.

"Who in tarnation is that?" Granny Smith trotted up in a bonnet. "Filthy?"

Big Mac squinted, then shook his head. "Eenope."

"Sis! We've got a visitor!" Apple Bloom rushed up, pointing with yellow hoof. "He says he's got good news for us!"

"Apple Bloom," Applejack grunted in a grumpy tone. "What've I told you time and time again about talkin' to strangers?"

"Miss Applejack, I do apologize for the intrusion," the stallion said with a gentle smile. He bowed, his green mane flouncing in the wind, and stood back up. "But your daughter is correct. I've come to speak to the Apple Family about a business prospect."

"Uhm..." Applejack blushed while Big Mac and Granny Smith chuckled. "She ain't my daughter."

"Oh, my apologies. No offense intended, Miss Applejack."

"And none taken." Applejack did a double-take. "Wait. How come you don't know who Apple Bloom is and yet you know my name?"

"I was sent to speak to you specifically," the stallion said. "My name is Winter Green, and I'm a messenger on behalf of the East Trottingham Company. I was sent personally by the head of the organization, Fancy Pants, to give you this." He pulled an envelope out of his jacket.

"Uhm..." Applejack glanced awkwardly at the letter. "I... I-I can't imagine what this could be about. Sweet Apple Acres hasn't done any business with no 'Fancy Pants.'"

"Well, you just might want to after reading this," the stallion said with a smile.

"Just open it, darlin'," Granny Smith said.

"But Granny—"

"Shhhh..." Granny leaned in and whispered. "We talked about this, didn't we? Any opportunity is a good opportunity."

Applejack sighed. "Alright, then..." She took the envelope from Winter Green's hoof and ripped it open. Pulling the letter out, she squinted at the surface.

Granny Smith and Big Mac leaned over her shoulder.

Apple Bloom hopped and hopped behind them. "What's it say? What's it say?"

"It... it..." Applejack's sweat tripled across her forehead as her jaw hung agape. "It says..."

"My vision's all confoundedly blurry..." Granny Smith hissed. "Is that as many zeroes as I think it is?"

"Eeyup eeyup eeyup!" Big Mac wheezed, his big red jaw forming a dumb grin.

"This... this c-can't be real..." Applejack's hooves trembled and trembled more. She gawked at the stallion in front of him. "He... he wants our apples?" She gulped. "For the next twenty seasons?"

Winter Green chuckled, nodding. "If you show an interest in this venture, then Mr. Fancy Pants offers to meet with you to speak about it a week from now. Be it his mansion in Trottingham or here in Sweet Apple Acres, he's left the choice up to you—"

"Oh yes! Yes!" Applejack flew forward and gave the finely-suited stallion a sweaty hug. "Here! There! Anywhere!" She dropped him like an anvil and spread her limbs towards her family, grinning wide. "Ya hear that?! We're back in business, y'all!"

"Woohooo!" Granny Smith gave a tree a mighty kick, hooting. "Darn tootin'!"

"Eeeeyup!"

"Yeeehaaa! Ha ha ha ha!" Applejack scooped Apple Bloom in a hug while Big Mac leaned in to nuzzle them both. Finally Granny Smith drifted into the group hug as they all cheered and laughed together.

Apple Bloom blinked, then nestled into the family embrace. "Yaaay! Things are all happy n'stuff!"

"They sure are, Apple Bloom..." Applejack shared a smile with Granny Smith before nuzzling her with a tear running down her freckled cheek. "They sure are..."

Two rows of apple trees away, Rainbow Dash sat on a branch, overlooking the scene.

She took the longest and warmest breath in as long as she could remember. It was enough to bring the feeling to her legs without having to swallow a pill.

"Hmmmm... heh heh heh heh..."

She turned tail, flapped her wings, and launched from the tree branch.

"Hehehehehe!"

She spun, twirled, and rocketed her way into the sky, performing loopty-loops as she tried to make the dynamic speed of her flight match the pounding heat in her heart. She failed, but for the first time in her life she didn't regret losing a race.

"Woooohoooo! Yeah!" She shouted into the heavens, bursting through one cloud after the next as she smiled so hard her cheeks threatened to burst. "I lovvvvve being a pony! Haaaa ha ha!"

With a devilish smirk, she dove at the countryside, backflipped, and soared once more into the spinning blue yonder.

And she was gone.

==Part Five: Remedy Dash==

==Part Five: Remedy Dash==

"And I ain't talkin' about just this apple buckin' season and the next!" Applejack exclaimed, her voice reaching ecstatic pitches as she grinned across the table at Sugarcube Corner. "But we done hoof-shook over no less than ten seasons of partnership! This Fancy Pants fella even said that the only thing that could break our agreement is a dag-blame'd apocalyptic scenario!"

Pinkie Pie gasped heavily as she placed a tray of cupcakes onto the table's edge. "You mean like flying frogs with flaming tongues and stuff?!"

"Might as well be an entire ocean full of lava-spitting salamanders! Hehhehhh!" Applejack practically guffawed. Her grin was so large that it nearly squeezed the freckles off her face. "I tell you what, I've completely changed the way I used to feel about them high-and-mighty business folk of the Trottingham hills! You'd think they've not tasted apples in their lives, considerin' how much this unicorn is willin' to pay for em!"

"Wow, Applejack!" Twilight grinned warmly. "This is the best news I've heard from you in a while!"

"Did this stallion say what he wanted the apples for?" Fluttershy asked.

"Hmmmm..." Applejack adjusted the brim of her hat, squinting at the eatery's ceiling. "Somethin' to do with a brand spankin' new trade route with these buffalo who live up in some place called Granite Mountain. Beats the heck out of me what Fancy Pants is wantin' to get out of such an exchange, but—shucks!" Applejack grinned again, gripping the table tight with both forelimbs. "If this gives me an opportunity to sell our apples to new ponyfolk beyond Canterlot, then I'm happy to have been signed up!"

"Well, of course Fancy Pants knows what he's doing!" Rarity gasped over a dainty cup of tea. "He's only the wealthiest, smartest, and most benevolent philanthropist in all of the East Territories!" She took a sip, then stifled a breathy giggle. "Not to mention exceedingly debonair and handsome." She fanned herself with a sparkle to her eyes. "Hmmm... if he has an eye for your produce, Applejack, then what's to say that he won't take a liking to other things to come out of Ponyville? Such as art! Crafts!"

"Or fashion, perhapssss?" Twilight smirked with a waggling eyebrow.

"Mmmm..." Rarity hid her blushing face behind a pair of curled forelimbs. "A mare can dream."

"Well, I for one think that this is the most fantastic news I've heard all week!" Twilight chirped. "Heck, make that the whole month! It just... I don't know! It brightens my day!" She giggled to herself.

"You think yer happy!" Applejack smirked. "Granny Smith's almost had three heart attacks in the last forty-eight hours, all from tryin' to jump for joy!"

"Oh goodness!" Fluttershy gasped. "Is she okay?"

Applejack winked. "Nothin' a little Sweet Apples Calming salve won't fix."

"Calming... salve...?" Rarity blinked.

Applejack rolled her eyes and gestured. "Spread a little apple sauce right above the nose. It does wonders."

"Ohhhhhh..." Rarity smiled into her steaming cup of tea. "I do so need to try that the next time I'm at the spa."

"You've been awfully quiet, Rainbow!" Twilight looked across the table. "What do you think of Applejack's good news?"

Rainbow Dash was leaning back in her seat, lying her head on a pair of hooves folded behind her neck. She smiled rosily into the far end of the place.

Twilight blinked, followed the path of the pegasus' eyes into nothingness, and turned to squint at her again. "Uhhhh... Rainbow Dash?"

Rainbow kept smiling.

"Hey!" Pinkie Pie gasped. "Dashiiiie!"

"Guh..." Rainbow blinked, then turned towards the group of mares. "Buh?"

"Oh, whew!" Pinkie Pie slumped back with a sigh of relief. "For a moment there, I thought your brain had turned to slugs or something!"

"You okay, Rainbow Dash?" Twilight asked. "You... look tired."

"Oh..." Rainbow Dash cracked her neck joints and leaned limply against the edge of the table. "Don't mind me. I was up all night... uhm..." She fidgeted. "Doing loopty loops over my house."

"All throughout the night?" Rarity stammered. "Why, whatever for, darling?"

"Oh... uhm..." Rainbow's cheeks burned slightly. "Uhhh... I was just... erm..."

"Training... for the Wonderbolts?" Twilight raised her eyebrow.

Rainbow blinked. "Yes! The Wonderbolts! That's exactly it!" She leaned back with a nervous chuckle. "Gotta keep myself in top shape! Cuz... those Wonderbolts, heh, I'm telling you!" She grinned in Applejack's direction, gulping hard. "Not a day goes by when I don't think of... of j-joining the Wonderbolts!"

"Heh... well keep at it, sugarcube!" Applejack winked back. "I for one am livin' testimony that you can accomplish yer dreams no matter what you run up against!"

Rainbow Dash exhaled. "Yeahhhhhh..." She positively cooed.

"Glad to see you're on board with this discussion." Rarity chuckled. "My goodness! My mouth feels positively parched from all of this felicitous gasping!"

"Uhm..." Applejack squinted. "Don't ya have yer tea to wet yer whistle with?"

"Oh, but now I feel like I desire something cool and refreshing." Rarity turned towards Pinkie Pie. "Pinkie, dear, might I trouble you for some of Sugarcube Corner's finest lemonade?"

"I can do ya a better solid than that!" Pinkie hopped out of her seat and flounced across the room. "Follow me! We can choose you a flavor!"

"More than one flavor of lemonade?!" Rarity scooted out of her chair and daintily trotted after the earth pony. "I feel prepared to—how do you put it—'have my mind blown,' as t'were..."

"I certainly can't pass this up!" Twilight scooted out of the chair and followed closely behind. "Pinkie! Make that double!"

"Shucks, I can actually plan on havin' spendin' money now!" Applejack briskly chased the group. "Wait up! And triple it, y'all!" She glanced over her shoulder. "You two want in?"

"Uhm..." Fluttershy glanced at Rainbow Dash's rosy-faced stare, then smiled innocently back at the farm filly. "We're good. But we appreciate it."

"Suit yerselves!" Applejack trotted on. "Whew! Golly, I feel like runnin' a mile after this! It's a gorgeous day outside, ain't it?"

Once the two were alone, Fluttershy pensively scooted over. "Uhm... Rainbow Dash?"

"Hmmm?"

"Are you okay?"

"You ever noticed how dang pink this place is?" Rainbow Dash's head tilted up, up, up. "Hmmmm..." She cooed. "And not just Sugarcube Corner, but the whole town."

"I... I-I guess...?"

"Suddenly, it's not so lame," Rainbow Dash chuckled dryly. "I think I'm starting to like pink. It's so... heart fluttery..."

Fluttershy squinted. "Heart... fluttery...?"

"What? Think I can't take up poetry?"

"I... uhm... I think that you're staring a lot today, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy said with a gulp. "Staring a lot more than usual."

Rainbow blinked and tilted her head down to look at her.

Fluttershy fidgeted. "Staring at her."

"Oh. Right. Uhm." Rainbow Dash nervously scratched the back of her head. "You don't think she noticed, d-did you?"

"No..." Fluttershy bore a gentle smile as she shook her head. "I think she was too busy being joyful to notice you... uhm... b-being joyful."

"Heh... heheheheheheh... Yeah..." Rainbow Dash grinned dumbly across the eatery. "Dang crap is infectious, isn't it?"

"Is it really just a lack of sleep, Rainbow Dash?" Fluttershy asked. "You may be able to convince the girls, but it doesn't get past me."

"Wow! Look at the gills at you!" Rainbow reached across the table and picked up one of the cupcakes. "Since when did you learn to swim upstream?"

"I just can't help but notice that something really, really wonderful has happened to Applejack, and for some reason you're almost as happy as she is. Also... uhm..." Fluttershy gulped. "You... were gone for the last two days. You left without an announcement or anything—"

Rainbow Dash dropped the cupcake entirely. The thing toppeled in mid-air and landed on the tabletop, icing side down.

Fluttershy blinked.

Rainbow winced, flexing and unflexing her limbs. She grunted a bit, feeling her shoulder as her wings twitched behind her.

Fluttershy's lips pursed. "Is... is it getting worse?"

"Pfft. It was worse before it became better," Rainbow Dash muttered. "Same old, same old."

"But... but..."

"Guhhh..." Rainbow hissed inwardly, struggling to even pick the cupcake back up in her numb hooves. "Nnngh... meh. I wasn't in the mood for cupcakes anyways." She coughed and smirked. "Hey, is it brighter in here? Or is it because I'm missing a few eyelashes? Heheheheh..."

"Rainbow... you're... y-you're scaring me..." Flutterhy shivered slightly. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Fluttershy."

"But... but I'm worried about you and—"

"Fluttershy, for real." Rainbow smiled calmly at her. "I'm fine. There's never been a time in my life when I was more fine. Believe me." She smiled wider. "I'm happy. I'm super crazy happy, and I've no problem with it."

Fluttershy blinked. "Okay," she murmured with a pensive nod. "Just, sometimes I wonder."

"Well, don't. Your friggin' name's not 'Wondershy,' now is it? Cuz then they'd have to give you a lasso."

Fluttershy said nothing.

Rainbow stared at her. She rolled her eyes, sighed, and reached over—giving the dainty pegasus a gentle pat on the shoulder.

"Uhhhh..." Fluttershy squinted at the gesture as Rainbow shuffled back to where she sat. "What was that all about?"

"What?" Rainbow grumbled slightly. "That was me being affectionate."

"It was?"

"You know that I'm not so good at the 'hugging' thing."

"Well, you're going to have to be someday," Fluttershy said with a wink. "Right?"

"Mrhmmmmmm..." Rainbow grimaced for the first time that day. "I dunno..."

"Here..." Fluttershy shuffled over and flung her arms around the mare. "I'll teach you!"

"Hey—it—Fluttershy!" Rainbow squirmed and fidgeted.

"Hmmmmm?" Fluttershy smiled, nuzzling her friend softly in the neck. "If everything's 'okay,' then you can shove me off!"

"Guh... it... but..." Rainbow hissed, feeling her limbs too numb to oblidge the taunt. "Darn it! Save it for Big Macintosh, will ya?"

"Mmmm—but my arms can't reach around him like they can you."

"Oh, for Pete's sake..." Rainbow gave up, slumping in her embrace.

"Heeheehee."

"What am I going to do with you, Flutters?"

"Be happy," she murmured. "And be well."

Rainbow calmly patted the mare's mane as she muttered, "Well, this week at least, I feel two for two. So that's a start, right?"

Part Five: Remedy Dash
(Whereupon Rainbow's Life Practices Gravity and We're Forced to Watch)

Of Love and Drowning

Cl-Clack! The clipboard fell losely across the edge of the desk and rattled onto the warehouse floor.

Stamps looked up, squinting. A few delivery ponies in yellow aprons paused to glance over.

"Watch it, Dash!" Stamps grumbled, returning to his files as he leaned over his desk. "You'd better not be dropping packages out in the field like you're dropping stuff inside here!"

"Right..." Rainbow Dash shuddered. She flexed and unflexed her forelimb. With a sigh, she leaned down and resorted to picking the clipboard up with her teeth. "Mmmf..." She spat it back into her hooves, managing to catch it as she hovered before the manager's table. "Trust me. I've got it all under control."

"Got all of what under control?"

Rainbow Dash sliced a glance at him. "Awesomeness..."

A worker or to chuckle, but silenced themselves from the squinting look thrown their way by Stamps. He looked back up at her. "Even still, that's the fourth time you've dropped something inside the delivery center."

"For real?" Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "You've been counting?"

"What, you think I get paid to sit around and fart?"

Rainbow opened her mouth—

"No! Never mind!" Stamps waved a hoof, sighing. "Don't answer that." He shuffled his papers, avoiding her gaze as a deep breath swam through him. "Thanks, Rainbow Dash, for coming in on such short notice. To be honest, when Bread Breaths called in sick, you were my last choice for filling his shift."

"With a name like that, I'm surprised he doesn't fill in his own shift by accident," Rainbow said. "Not to mention his pants."

"Look, that came out the wrong way," Stamps said with a sigh as he shook his hoof. "What I meant was... I didn' t know what you were up to on your two days off, nor is it any of my business, but I figured you'd probably need... erm... and extra day off as a buffer. Apparently I was wrong. So, thank you, Dash, for coming in after all."

"Uhhhhh... yeah. Sure." Rainbow squinted. "What'd you think I was doing anyways?"

"Mrmmfff... Like I said, it's none of my business."

"I'd really like to know!"

"And I'd really like to keep my position as a manger!"

Rainbow planted her hooves against her floating hips. "Want me to go, punch out, then ask you while I'm off the clock!"

"Oh please, don't be so dramatic!" Stamps rolled his eyes. "You're cruising for a..." He sighed, slicked his mane back, then muttered aside, "It's simply that the last time you worked here, you asked for lots of time off, and that's when... well... that's when I started to lose one of my most valued employees."

"Stamps..." Rainbow Dash lowered down in her hover so that their eyes met. "I already told you." She narrowed her eyes. "I'm a changed mare. I'm not like the frickin' slacker you once hired. I'm a lot... y'know... smarter n'crud!"

Stamps looked at her. His eyes fell to her hooves.

She glanced down. Her forelimbs were quivering all over, struggling with the task of holding the measely little clipboard. She bit her lip and tightened her grip as best as she could. An unavoidable blush flew through her facial features, and she glanced nervously over her shoulder.

Stamps took his time before uttering, "Like I said, I very much appreciate you coming in on such short notice, Dash. I'll try to prepare a better warning next time." He reached forward, took her clipboard, and dotted off a few items on the sheet. "You're on warehouse duty for your last three hours."

"But..." Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. "I thought you wanted me delivering to Dream Valley by sunset."

"I'll put Wind Whistler up to the task. She's become available this afternoon."

"But warehouse duty is for scrubs! Come on, Stamps, I'm your best flier—"

"Dash..." Stamps held the clipboard back out, his eyes sharp, imploring. "Warehouse duty." He gulped. "I'm not likely to be manager of Banner Company forever," he said in a whispery tone. "I'd learn to adapt if I were you."

Rainbow Dash hovered in silence. She reached forward—made eye contact with Stamps—then fidgeted slightly as she took the bulk of twenty seconds to grip the clipboard with both forelimbs.

Stamps said nothing. When they broke contact, he returned to his office work with a rustle of paper. "Wind Whistler! Fly on up! I've got a last minute task for you!"

Rainbow Dash flew limply away from the table, making her way towards the rear of the warehouse as she sighed into the gathering shadows.

The sun was setting as a full shift of ponies left the rear doors to Banner Company. Among them was Rainbow Dash, stripping limply of her yellow apron and shoving it into her saddlebag. With a disgruntled sigh, she looked aside at her fellow employees.

The stallions and mares chatted with, laughing over one story or another. Collectively they trotted or flew home, leaving Rainbow Dash alone in the quiet street.

When the coast was clear, Rainbow Dash reached into her saddlebag and pulled out a cylindrical container. She gave it a shake, and only one thing rattled inside. She bit her lip, gazing between the container and her hooves.

At last, she leaned back, took a long meditative breath, and closed her eyes.

Out from the darkness of her mind, a scene played out. Applejack kicked her hooves in the air, cheering loudly. She then turned to hug Big Mac and Granny Smith. Apple Bloom jumped all around them as the family huddled happily beneath the glistening fruit of their orchards. Applejack's freckled face lifted in the sunlight, and tears glistened around the edges of her eyes.

Rainbow Dash took a breath.

Applejack kicked her hooves in the air, cheered, and turned to Big Mac and Granny Smith. Apple Bloom joined the group hug as Applejack's smiling tears glittered like stardust.

Another breath.

Applejack kicked, cheered, and hugged her family. Her beautiful emerald eyes shimmered brighter upon each repeat of the memory.

When Rainbow's eyes reopened, they were accompanied by a warm smile. Her hooves tingled slightly, chasing away the cold shudders of an awkward afternoon.

Rainbow exhaled. She stuck the pill container back into her saddlebag along with the apron, then took off. Without a second though, she tore across the rooftops of town, spread her wings, and glided towards the site of a lonely drinking hole...

Clunk!

Rainbow slapped the empty mug down next to three others, wiped the froth of cider from her muzzle, and wheezed through a delirious smile.

"Heeeeeeeee!" She bounced in her seat, giggling. "And... and so... HIC!... and so this pony allegedly got the two mammoth jerkfaces to—HIC—bust down the door to their own lair! And what happens next?! Bazoooiiie!" She grinned, teetering in her seat. "Moonlight comes roaring in and melting the skin of both monsters! Hah! Poetic friggin' justice!"

"I'd say," Bon Bon said, blinking.

"I wasn't aware that moonlight made a dramatic sound effect," Vinyl Scratch remarked.

"If it did, I figured it'd be less of a 'Bazoooiiie' and more of a 'Kerspachkllle!'" Lyra smirked, eyebrows waggling from across the booth. "You should drink with us more often, Rainbow. You're teaching us a whole new slew of vocabulary."

"Darn tootin'. Rootin' smootin'. Hic!" Rainbow Dash looked down inside her empty mug, then broke into uncontrollable giggles. "Heeee-hehehehe! Hey! Hey guys!"

"Yeah, Rainbow?"

"You ever wonder if—when Cyclopses fart—they catch on fire all over?" She grinned wickedly. "What, from all the—HIC!—flames of Tartarus and all?"

"Actually, I've heard that Tartarus is more cold than burning, but—" Vinyl flinched from Rainbow's swinging wings. "Okay! Never mind!"

"Vriiiii-aarrrrrr-Thack!" Rainbow gestured. "The basilisk hit his head just like that! All the while—HIC—failing to catch that pony who saved all the buffalo!"

"Fascinating..." Bon Bon remarked, stirring uncomfortably.

"So, who was this pony anyways?" Caramel asked from where he sat. "I mean, you seem to know an awful lot about her. More than what they've been talking about in the newspapers, I mean."

"Oh, right!" Bon Bon glanced over. "I remember reading that in Equestria Daily! It was the cover article! Apparently an entire batallion of guard ponies were presumed dead, and instead they emerged from this monster lair in a bunch of mountains northeast of here!"

"There was an entire ceremony for them in Canterlot and everything!" Caramel said. A blue hoof slammed into the table, causing the stallion to jump with an effeminate gasp.

"Rrrrrgh! Screw Canterlot!" Rainbow Dash barked. "All that fru fru lameness and their stupid blue tiled rooftops!"

"Their rooftops are blue?" Bon Bon whispered.

Vinyl Scratch shrugged. "Helps to be a pegasus."

"Ohhhhhh..."

"I'm tellin' ya guys..." Rainbow Dash blinked blearily. "The real action is—HIC!—right here. In Ponyville. With its... g-golded thatched rooftops and treehouse libraries and talking zebras and apples and apple and more apples..." She broke into a giggle fit, nuzzling the empty mug of cider. "I frigign' love apples. Did you all know that? I could roll around in them forever. Who cares if my feathers are in the way?"

"Oh, of that, we have no doubt, Rainbow Dash—who was totally not at the scene of the rescue at the cyclops and basilisk lair," Lyra said with a grin.

"I'm tellin' ya girls... and half-girls!" She hiccuped. "Apples are the best..."

"Yes..." Bon Bon shifted uncomfortably. "We've gathered."

"I'm more a fan of peaches myself," Lyra muttered.

"Shhh!" Caramel insisted, then leaned across the table, resting a hoof on Rainbow's forelimb as the pegasus slumped across the edge. "Rainbow? Darling, are... are you okay?"

"I just... just..." Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth, squirming as she nuzzled her cheek against the table as if it was something warm and freckled instead. "Just don't want this day to end." She gulped. "So scared... sc-scared that I'll wake up and it won't be... be so warm anymore..."

"Why, whatever do you mean by that, Rainbow?" Bon Bon asked.

"Nothing." The pegasus gulped. "Everything. Just... just so awesome. It's all in my head. I can play it forward and reverse, no problem. I'm afraid that sleep is gonna screw that up. I don't want to forget it... I don't want to forget h-how she looked..."

Bon Bon bit her lip, glancing across the table.

"Well..." Lyra tapped her chin. "Have you considered that perhaps you already ended the day?" She smirked. "And that you're just dreaming right now?"

"This... is a dr-dream?" Rainbow asked.

"Yes. How else could you have downed four mugs of cider without peeing all over the floor?"

Rainbow Dash stared at her. Her mouth exploded: "Hah hah hah hah...!" Thud! She collapsed finally. "Shnorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

"Owie..." Caramel covered his ears.

"Whew..." Vinyl couldn't help but smirk. "Like a gatling gun!"

"I know, right?" Lyra murmured, pulling a coat out from her saddlebag and draping it across Rainbow's snoring figure like a blanket. "She's been stocking up on ammo too, I"m tellin' ya..."

"When was the last time Rainbow Dash drank this much in a single hour?" Bon Bon asked with a worried expression. "It's... it's almost how she used to be..."

"It's not how she used to be," Lyra grumbled. "This is different. She's different."

"Who was this 'she' that Rainbow was talking about?" Caramel asked.

"Who else?" Lyra droned. "The one 'she' we ever find. The 'she' that breaks our heart and glues us back together all at once."

"Hmmm..." Vinyl smiled. "Poetic."

"I was gonna go with 'miserable.'" Lyra looked down at Rainbow's slowly stirring form. "The poor chick's been slammed with the love mallet. Big time."

"That much was obvious from the last time she visited," Bon Bon said, then gazed compassionately at the snoring pegasus. "But... blessed Celestia... whatever's happening, whoever 'she' is... I fear it's gonna tear her apart at this rate!"

"Hmmm..." Lyra smiled.

"What, Lyra?" Caramel blinked. "What is it?"

"Maybe being torn apart is what Rainbow needs," the unicorn said.

Vinyl tilted her shades and squinted with naked magenta eyes. "Oh really?"

"But hey..." Lyra shrugged. "I'm just a squishy, huggable idiot." She pulled out a few bits, slapped them on the table, and stood up. "Come on, ladies. This lightweight needs a helpin' hoof getting home."

Pumpkin Dash

“Uhhhhhhhhhh…” Bon Bon’s mouth hung open in starlight. She gazed up at the cloudy home that was hovering over a hillside on the east side of town. “Uhhhhhhmmm…”

“Yeah.” Vinyl Scratch muttered. A snoring, petite pegasus was slumped over her backside like a limp rag. “This is gonna be a lot tougher than we imagined.”

“Well, we’ve got two unicorns with us!” Caramel said in a chipper voice. He tossed his silky mane and smiled back at the rest. “You can just float her up there, r-right?”

Lyra stared with flat eyebrows. “I can barely lift my lyre above my horn. Not all of us are built like Twilight Mary Sue Sparkle.”

“Well, let’s wake her up then!” Bon Bon squeaked. “Surely she can fly the rest of the way!”

“Girl, did you see the way we took to get here!” Vinyl pointed at the uneven ground behind them. “I jostled her more than a bucking bronco! She isn’t waking for nothing!”

“I don’t suppose… uhm…” Caramel shifted awkwardly. “We c-could leave her here?”

“What, on the hill?” Bon Bon remarked.

“That’s a recipe for fleas and lice if I ever head one,” Lyra droned. “I’d hate to face Rainbow Dash when she’s sober.” She blinked. “And pissed.”

“Then how do we get her up there, then?” Vinyl asked.

“I think I’ve got it.” Lyra smirked. She trotted over and tapped Vinyl’s shoulder. “Hoof her over to Bon Bon.”

“What for?”

“You and I are gonna team up with our horns. Attach your leylines to Rainbow’s left wing and I’ll attach mine to her right wing.”

The pegasus was handed off to Bon Bon while Vinyl’s and Lyra’s horns started glowing at once.

“Can somepony fill me in on what we’re about to do to her?” Bon Bon asked nervously with the pegasus now on her backside.

“Well, everypony knows that earth ponies weigh the most and pegasi are the most lightweight.”

“I am not heavy!” Bon Bon pouted, stomping her hoof.

“Er… neither am I!” Caramel belated added, his muzzle stretched in an awkward smile.

“Settle down, girl.” Lyra turned from Caramel to Bon Bon. “Leylines respond to both matter an energy. With our magic fields attached to a pegasus’ wings, an earth pony should be able to disrupt the energy web so that the leylines get stretched and act almost as an elastic band.” Lyra pointed up at the cloud. “Now, if we simply have you walk backwards--Bon Bon--and tilt your backside towards Rainbow’s home--”

“Wait wait wait…” Bon Bon grimaced. “Are you… Are we essentially putting Rainbow Dash into a giant virtual slingshot?”

“Huh… we are, aren’t we?” Lyra stared into starlight. She stared and stared. “Anyways.” She shrugged and aimed her horn at the pegasus on Bon Bon’s back. “Start backtrotting, Bon Bon.”

The mare fidgeted as she did what she was told. “This could go wrong in a billion ways.”

“Good thing we’re only going to end with one way, huh?” Lyra sweated slightly in concentration. “Vinyl? How are you on your end, girl?”

“I can’t see Rainbow Dash…”

“Take off your damn shades.”

“Oh. Right. Ahem. Yeah, I got a grip.”

“On my mark, you let go of Rainbow, Bon Bon. Got it?”

“Sure thing, Lyra…”

Caramel covered his eyes. “I-I can’t watch!”

“Grow some stones before you lose ‘em,” Lyra grunted. “Alright…” She gritted her teeth as her horn glowed to the burning point. “Three… two… one… Mark!”

“Eungh!” Bon Bon threw her shoulders forward.

Swisssssh! Rainbow Dash surged upwards incredibly fast, like a glider. Her unconscious body soared towards the cloudy foundation of the house, twirled against the wind, and lifted up towards the front entrance.

“Killer!” Vinyl pumped a hoof in the air. “She’s gonna make it!”

“She is?” Caramel peaked his eyes out from behind his hooves, the immediately winced. “Oh, jeez!”

Thud! Rainbow’s body slammed against the front door, slid down, and collapsed on the front cloudstone steps. “Shnorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…”

Bon Bon and Vinyl Scratch gawked.

Lyra blinked. “Eh… Good enough!” She turned and trotted home, followed by the other three. “Same time next evening, girls?”

Hangovers are Magic

Six words.

Rainbow Dash muttered them one after another… then again… and then a third time.

And somewhere between the bleary blinks of molasses time, she realized that she couldn’t remember ever falling asleep to trigger saying them in the first place.

That’s when her eyes fluttered open, and her brain promptly screamed at her for doing so.

“Oh… unnnngh-ohhhhhhh…” She curled her forelimbs over her face and rolled onto her side. Her neck and wings were stiff from lying on the front steps to her cloudstone home, but none of that compared to the violently stabbing brightness that was invading her eyelids with each throbbing second. “Mmmmmnngh… ugh… darn it? What? What was… how…?”

Her pulsating mind tried connecting the dots. But all she could remember was some ridiculously silly pony hiccuping, downing mugs of cider, and rambling incoherently about a basilisk’s lair.

“Did I… mmmnngh… did I just dream up last week?”

There was no answer, save for the violent echoes emanating through her own skull. She sat up, and instantly reeled from dizziness. The pegasus could barely lift her legs; they were as numb as icebergs. In fact, the only sense she was absolutely certain about was pain, and there was only one explanation for that.

“Friggin’ A… I drank four mugs of cider, didn’t I?” Rainbow Dash sighed, blinking into the sun-soaked treetops and rooftops of eastern Ponyville below. “Nnngh… if Fluttershy ever found out, she’d kill me.” She yawned, then rubbed her muzzled, wriggling it, then rubbing it again. “Well, no, she’d hug me first, kill me, then hug me right after.”

As if on cue, an equine figure flapped into view, her soft feathers breaking the sunlight.

“Gah! It’s n-not what it looks like!” Rainbow scooted backwards against the door. “I swear--” He blinked. “Oh…” Her entire body deflated as her face smiled tiredly. “It’s just you, Derpy. How’re things--Ullllp!”

Derpy shoved a thick wad of envelopes into Rainbow’s mouth. Smiling, the wall-eyed mare turned towards the mailbox and patted the metal chassis. “Looking nice and healthy today, Rainbow Dash!” She pointed at the pegasus. “I delivered your mail! Gotta go! See ya!” She flew in a lopsided corkscrew towards the next house at sea level several meters away.

Rainbow Dash shook, quivered, fidgeted, and at last spat the envelopes out. They slid to a stop along the edge of the cloudstone stoop, almost teetering off the foundation of the hovering home completely.

The pegasus slid her tongue around until all the taste of envelopes was gone. With a groaning sound, she hobbled over, crawled towards the letters, and tried scooping them up in her useless hooves. The limbs were just too numb to accomplish the task. So, sighing, she gave her fuzzy nose a final rub, leaned down, and clasped the items in her teeth.

She instantly winced from the taste of envelope again. “Mmnnghhhfff… Lkkkff faf fmmef. Imf wikfe a fwiggff eafff fponyff…” She swayed a bit with the effort, but she eventually made her way indoors. Once within her living room, she stripped her saddlebag off and tossed it onto the floor. A pocket opened, rolling out the pill container. The thing rattled across the entire space of the living room, forcing Rainbow to look at it. She rolled her eyes back and trotted over to a table, spitting the envelopes onto the top of it.

Muttering tiredly to herself, she used the joints of her elbows to sort the envelopes apart, twirling them until they were legible to her bleary, blinking eyes.

“Hrmmmf… Saddlestakes… Flier Club… Saddlestakes… Banner Company--Ooooh, that might be my check! Ahem…” She flipped to another pair. “Office of Mr. Green Saddle… Canterlot Couture… Meh.” She turned around, tossed her shoulders, yawned, and limply flew her way towards the bedroom.

A beat.

The air practically thundered as she snapped back to the table, wide-eyed. Flailing her legs like ragdoll limbs, she finally grasped the second to last letter again, holding it barely a centimeter from her twitching vision.

“Office of Mr. Green Saddle?!” She panted, panted again. “Crud…” She zipped to the front door, flew it open, and stared out at the front stoop.

The glaring “For Lease” was still there, glimmering pathetically in the morning light.

“Megacrud!” She flew back in and darted towards a calendar, panting even heavier. “Super Green Pegasus Commander Summoning the Megacrudzord! Crud!”

She looked at a clock on the wall and her teeth began chattering.

It was only eleven o’clock. She still had time. Barely.

Stifling a squeal, she dropped the envelope, flew into the bathroom, and headbutted a patch of clouds. Thunder rumbled, and she tossed herself into the shower stall, waiting… waiting… and finally bearing the brunt of a full spray of nightmarishly cold water.

“Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh!” she yelled into the frigid torture of her awakening muscles.

Banking on Luck

"We had a very specific agreement, Miss Dash," Green Saddles spoke. He stood, paused halfway up the ladder leading to a hot air balloon moored to the buildingface of his office. "The deadline for your latest payment is five o'clock this evening. I showed enough consideration and grace by extending it forward like I did the last time we spoke. To extend it again would put me at odds with the firm for whom I work. And if I cannot afford to alter the agreement any further, than neither can you."

"But I totally just got paid at my new job two days ago!" Rainbow Dash said, hovering limply before him in the center of Ponyville.

"Then that sounds terribly convenient and I do not know why you are wasting my time."

"Because I've got... like... mmmm-other st-stuff to pay for as well and it'd be really really awesome if I could have the lease paid off next week instead!"

"I'm sorry, Miss Dash, but quite frankly your other payments are not my problem." He climbed the rest of the way into the basket. "We're all adults, and we have responsibilities to balance. If that's something you can't tackle, then perhaps you should seek help from ponies who can give it to you. Right now, I have a survey of the local landscape to take for prospective new settlers."

"Okay, look." Rainbow Dash sighed. "Just... t-tell me what I need to do to get you out of my mane for this month."

"I'm certain I've already spelled it out for you, but for the sake of posterity..." Green Saddles stood in the basket and stared coolly out at her. "This payment you received..."

"Yeah...?"

"You have it directly deposited in your bank account?"

"Uhm... totally."

With glaring eyes, the stallion pointed across the street. "Then go there, make a withdrawal, and have the money at my desk by five o'clock this afternoon or I don't have to take action."

"Erm..."

"Provided you do indeed have the payment for the lease as agreed on," he said as he unmoored the balloon and took it towards the air. "I don't see what could conceivably prevent you from meeting the deadline, Miss Dash, unless, of course, you're physically incapable of doing so."

Rainbow Dash bit her lip as he floated away.

The door opened with a rattling bell.

A middle-aged stallion slowly turned around, smiling pleasantly. He nodded in the direction of the open door from across the front lobby of the Ponyville bank.

Rainbow Dash smiled a crooked grin. She flapped her wings and levitated towards the teller windows. She had to wait for an elder mare and another pony to make their deposits. The whole time, she sighed, twitching her muscles as she felt her limbs dangling beneath her like dead weights.

It didn't help that about a minute and a half into the wait, she registered a tap on her shoulder.

Glancing down, she spotted the security guard. "Huh?"

"Ma'am?" He smiled as pleasantly as he could afford to. "While you're in here, I'm going to have to ask you nicely to stop doing that."

Rainbow Dash's brow furrowed. "What? Making a withdrawal? But I'm affiliated with this bank."

"Ahem... No, ma'am." He leaned forward and whispered politely. "Flying." He gestured towards the nearest wall.

Rainbow glanced over. A sign hung with a few things crossed out in red circles—one of which showed the image of a pegasus in flight.

"In a Cloudsdale or Las Pegasus branch of the bank, it'd be allowed. But, you see, this is an earth pony town, and the rules state—"

"Hey! I'm no stranger to this town!" Rainbow smirked awkwardly. "The name's Rainbow Dash! And I kick clouds for this place every day! So, it's totally cool, right?"

The guard simply stared at her.

She blinked. "Wow, you don't really see the sky much through that hat on your head, do you?"

The guard cleared his throat and spoke a bit firmer. "Ma'am, I have to ask you to—"

"Hey, hey... I got it. Just..." Rainbow Dash took a long, shuddering breath. "Gimme a sec." She glanced left. She glanced right. Nopony was looking. Even better, there was nopony she knew. So, exhaling, she flapped her wings less and less... and slowly drifted down to the floor.

Her hooves made contact with the lobby tile, and stayed rigid.

Rainbow blinked. She smiled. "Whew..."

Ahead of her, the pony in line trotted off. The teller at the window smiled and waved. "Step right up, Miss."

"Sure thing!" Rainbow strolled forward. "I was hoping to make a withd—" THWAP! Rainbow fell flat on her muzzle.

Several ponies gasped and looked over, eyes wided.

"Nnnngh-guhhh! Friggin' A!" Rainbow grunted into the slabs. "When w-was the last t-time this crud was mopped?"

"Ma'am!" The guard rushed towards her, breathless. "Are you okay?"

"Nnngh..." Rainbow stood up straight, spreading her wings wide. "I got it."

"Are you ill? Do you need to sit d—?"

"I said I got it!" Rainbow grunted, shuffling forward like a limping soldier. Her muzzle winced and hissed with each labored movement. "Yeesh, keep your eyes for the Hayburglar, why don'tcha?" She finally made it to the teller window and leaned against it, her muzzle spilling condensation across the brass bars. "Phweeeeeeeee..." She smiled drunkenly, glad to be leaning against something. "Heyyyyyyy there."

The teller stared at her, wide-eyed and trembling.

"I'd like to make a withdrawal." Rainbow Dash muttered. "Dash, Rainbow. Equestrian Resident Code 1993-2808-1830."

The teller blinked, blinked again and jumped in her seat. "Oh! Of course!" She opened a filing cabinet and hoofed through a series of files. After a while, she pulled out a sheet and squinted at the name on the top of it. "Rainbow J. Dash?"

"Nnnnngh..." Rainbow moaned against the bars, rolling her eyes. "Yessss..."

"Here you go, ma'am." The teller slid a sheet of paper and a pen through the window. "Write here the amount you'd like to deposit, along with the information requested."

Rainbow gulped. She felt several sets of eyes watching as she tried lifting her hooves, tried again, and then grimaced as they simply lay slack against the front of the counter. She felt the security guard shifting curiously in the corner of her eyes. Her sweat gathered thickly along her brow, and she sensed her heartbeat quickening.

So, with a deep breath, Rainbow closed her eyes. The world went black, and out from the void came rows of trees, and in the center of which a single figure bucking at the trunks, bestowing the world with glistening flashes of red, then sobbing and laughing with joy as she hugged her family in the bright sun.

Rainbow's teeth clenched and unclenched. Before she knew it, here wings were wrapping around. She opened her eyes to see that she had grasped the pen tightly in the spokes of her outstretched feathers. Smirking at the ease of the gesture, she began slowly—yet legibly—writing her name.

The teller stirred slightly, staring at the odd pegasus signature being born before her.

"What?" Rainbow smiled with a brief burst of pride. "If you were a cricket, I'd bet you'd write with your antennae."

Give It to Me Semi Straight

Wings flapping, legs dangling, Rainbow Dash levitated out the front door to Green Saddles' office building. She sighed, slumping in midair. Squinting, she gazed across the rooftops of Ponyville

The sun brilliant glinted off buildings, casting a uniform sheen about the place. Ponies milled about on street corners while others trotted leisurely between various vendors of the local marketplace. A pegasus or two drifted past overhead, their expressions as bright as the sky above.

Rainbow blinked. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. After several seconds, she reached two hooves into her saddlebags. After a moment of fumbling around, she pulled out a bit bag in one hoof and her pill container in the other. She gave the bit bag a shake; it barely jingled. She did the same with her pill box. Only one container rattled.

She sighed out her nostrils, gazing across Ponyville towards the northwest edge of town. The rooftop of Ponyville Central Hospital appeared like a dull sliver in the distance.

Muttering something to herself, she slipped the container open, popped the lid, and swiftly downed the last tablet before floating forward.

"You..." Nurse Red Heart had to sit down in a chair across from Rainbow Dash in an examination room. "You already consumed them?"

Rainbow gulped and nodded. "Yup."

"All of them?"

"What can I say?" Rainbow Dash shrugged with a nervous smile. "I'm a busy mare!"

"Miss Dash..." Nurse started, fumbled for words, then rubbed the space between her eyes with a disgruntled breath. "Rainbow, this... I mean..." She spat, "That supplement was supposed to last you four weeks! Please tell me that you just lost some of them."

"They went down the hatch, doc. I gotta say—they're not working like they used to."

"And you don't think there's a reason for that?!" Nurse Red Heart exclaimed. "I'm surprised your bloodstream isn't poisoning you at this rate! Rainbow, even if I were to give you more, I doubt the medication would have any effect on you!"

Rainbow blinked. "What do you mean, 'even if I were to give you more...?'"

"We've been over this, Rainbow Dash. I can't give you a more frequent dosage. As a matter of fact, according to Equestrian medical law, I... I-I can't give you any more of it whatsoever!"

"You're serious?!" Rainbow Dash hovered forward, gasping. "But I need the stuff, doc! I need it to stay in one piece!"

"And if you want to stay in that one piece anywhere but six feet in the ground, then it's my duty to force you to hold back!"

"Stop pulling my tail, doc!" Rainbow frowned. "Okay. Fine. Just level with me. When's the soonest that I can get more pills."

"I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash, but I'm bound by the law." Nurse Redheart shook her head. "After a rate of consumption this severe, I have to withhold the prescription for two months."

Rainbow's eyes bulged. "Two friggin' months?! What are you trying to do, Doc?! Kill me?"

"Quite the opposite, Miss Dash—"

"I'm limp as a noodle without the stuff!"

"No, you're limp as a noodle, period." Red Heart frowned. "I've told you time and time again that Equestrian medicine only has one solution for your condition."

"Unnngh..." Rainbow Dash tried face-hoofing but only succeeded in poking herself in the eye. She shrugged the pain off and grumbled, "Please, Doc, not again with the condition—"

"We both know that it's the only thing that can bring the feeling back to your body."

"Yeah, but at the cost—?!"

"The medicine only staves off the symptoms of your genetic condition for a little while. While clinically proven to assist an adult equine body, the medicine provides no cure! Rainbow Dash, if you want to be able to function like any normal Equestrian citizen, you need to set yourself up for that operation!"

"Hmmmph..." Rainbow Dash attemped to fold her forelimbs in indignance. She was only meagerly successful. "And who says I wanna be normal, huh?"

Red Heart's eyes quivered sympathetically. "You'll also be alive. One in every three ponies with this condition doesn't survive the onset of the genetic deficiency when it hits full-force. Nopony knows this more than you do."

Rainbow Dash bit her lip and glared into the corner. "My father was a different pony than me..."

"He was a brave stallion, but also an unlucky one, Miss Dash," Red Heart said. "He suffered before this operation could be devised by the sharpest unicorn minds in the whole medical industry. Please, I implore you, don't let what happened to him happen to you."

"Yeah, but my w-wings are fine!" Rainbow Dash grumbled. "In fact, I have better wings than anypony in this whole dang kingdom!" She squinted at the mare. "That's gotta count for something, right?"

"It'll affect your wings someday too, Rainbow Dash," the nurse said. "It isn't wise to make this gamble with time. You couldn't possibly win."

"Yeah, well, maybe nature doesn't know what it's up against!" Rainbow said with devilish smirk.

Nurse Redheart was deadpan.

With a sigh, Rainbow hovered a bit lower and said, "Look, doc. I'm sorry for putting this on you. I screwed up this week, okay? I screwed up but... b-but it was for a good cause."

Nurse Red Heart raised an eyebrow. "And you're willing to divulge this good cause...?"

Rainbow Dash simply levitated in place, biting her lip.

With a sigh, Red Heart shuffled the medical files in her hooves. "Well, there is one way I can go about prescribing you more of the medication."

Rainbow gasped. "There is?!" She leaned forward. "How?"

"You could turn yourself in at Canterlot East," Red Heart said. "They have a facility there where you can get plenty of exercise, bed rest, and steady distribution of the medicine—spaced apart over a period of time—with the best in physical therapy—"

"Wait... like... for how long?" Rainbow squinted.

"Until your body no longer craves the drug and you can be treated normally for your problems."

Rainbow blinked at her. She grimaced. "Are... are you suggesting rehab, Doc?"

Nurse Red Heart calmly stared back. "You'll be closely monitored and coached daily over how to properly conserve the energy in yoru legs without the medicine—"

"Doc, I'm no friggin' junkie!" Rainbow Dash growled. "I just... like..." She fidgeted in midair. "I just need to get my body back in gear!"

"Rainbow, many ponies your age and older go through the same exact thing," Nurse Red Heart said in a gentle tone. "Especially those of the athletic persuasion—"

"I'm not... s-some loser p-pegasus who needs to get her kicks from stinkin' pill popping!" Rainbow sputtered. "I'm awesome enough as it is, for Celestia's sake! I'm not afraid of... of..." Her words fell apart as she winced, staring into the nearby wall.

Eventually, Nurse Red Heart spoke. "I'm sorry, Rainbow. But as your physician, and also your friend, I cannot allow this to continue. It's not improving your physique at all. However, a prolonged stay at Canterlot East is the only other course of action worth taking if you are incapable... or unwilling to undergo the operation that you dread so much. Still, I can't with total honesty ensure you of a full and healthy life if you settle for just this alone." She leaned forward, her eyes soft and imploring. "Please, Miss Dash. I ask you to think this over carefully. Don't choose some sort of enticing... 'easy way' out of the solutions that are right in front of you. They may seem simple from the outside, they'll only lead to rocky roads from which you may never, ever recover..."

Clouded

Rainbow's lips pursed against the winds that were stroking her face. Her mane billowed up, down, and up again—a result of twirling constantly through the high altitudes above the Equestrian valley. The faster she sliced her blue body against the winds, the more she lost her grip on her thoughts. She could ignore the words of Nurse Red Heart, the glaring expression of Green Saddles, and the mumbling voice of Stamps. She was simply a piece of the sky, darting from cloud to cloud, bursting through misty peaks as she darted a serpentine path through the upper hemisphere.

With another twirl, Rainbow Dash dove sharply. She plunged towards the earth, and in so doing, her blood rushed to her extremities, bringing a phantom sense back to her limbs. Just as her hooves began tingling, she pulled up, cleared treetops by a few centimeters, and darted back skyward with a flurry of leaves.

Her tips rustled as she climbed once again, spiraling her way through cloud after cloud, until she settled for a small patch of puffy whiteness. She slumped her pegasus body down on the misty bed, feeling it shape and conform to her petite figure.

Only when she had come to a complete stop did she feel the thudding pulse of her heart. She took several deep breaths, dunking her head into the misty bed and allowing the condensation to cool her flushed face. Then, lying down on folded hooves, she gazed softly down at the landscape below.

Ponyville stretched coolly in the fading afternoon. Ponies trotted in long walks towards their separate homes, preparing to meet with their families and loved ones at the culmination of yet another busy day. A few stragglers stood and chatted by City Hall. Even fewer congregated on the bridge stretching over the village's central river, chatting and laughing into the fall of evening.

Inevitably, as in every case, Rainbow's eyes drifted west and west until they fell upon the green haze that was Sweet Apple Acres from a distance. Her nostrils flared, and a weak smile bloomed beneath her fuzzy nose. She cradled her chin with two criss-crossing hooves and murmured into the mists around her.

"I know that I'm in cruddy shape, and I've not done a lot of good about it."

The wind caressed her bangs as she lay there, murmuring towards the setting sun.

"In fact, I nearly killed myself ten times over this past week. Most uncool."

She took a deep breath, hugging herself as she rolled over and gazed lovingly at the farm while upside down.

"But I'd totally do it all over again... knowing that it's fixed your farm... knowing that it's made you happy..."

Rainbow's ears drooped. She felt cold at the culminating exhalation of that sentence. So, she closed her eyes. She closed her eyes to the numbness, to the depressing shadows over Ponyville, towards her medical report and her nearly-empty bank account summary, to everything that formed the rigid lines of her increasingly monochromatic existence...

"Hmmmmm..." She smiled. In the darkness, she saw flickering green eyes and freckles soaked with happy tears. "It's all good. For real." She hugged herself and smiled even brighter, surrendering to the murky thoughts. "It's just... so good..."

When night fell and the day was gone, so was Rainbow.

The Cider Horse Rules

Rainbow Dash opened her tearful eyes. The rooftops of Canterlot hung in hushed silence beneath the cloud that she was on. Her gaze lingered on Twilight Sparkle's parents' apartment, and the last light in the upper window that stayed on, but it soon went out.

A half hour had passed since her late night walk with Applejack ended, and she couldn't bring herself to retire for the evening. She knew that there was a warm and snuggly sleeping bag waiting for her, but that would mean having to sneak her way in and trot over the sleeping form of Applejack.

Applejack... who just moments ago had been bawling her eyes out over the state that her farm was in... who had just exposed the tender parts of her soul to the dashing pegasus...

Rainbow's mind darted to the Gala the night before and the chaos that had broken out. She thought of Applejack's cart full of apple treats being torn to pulpy bits. She thought of the mare's golden braided mane being ruined by the sweat and debris of the comically tragic circumstances. Everything churned together in Rainbow's mind, and once again her thoughts rolled out the sight of Applejack's freckles bathed in tears as she whimpered into the night.

The pegasus gnashed her teeth. She felt fresh tears squeezing out of her eyes. With a groaning sound, she kicked up off the cloud, backflipped, and tore across the upper heights of Canterlot. She put as much distance between herself and the apartment of Twilight's family, where she knew that Applejack must have been sleeping—and fitfully so.

Rainbow outflew the urge to sob, burning a wicked path through the streets and alleyways of the Upper Diamond District. And before she knew it, she had hovered to a stop, panting and sweating before an uptown bar. She saw the lights flashing from the inside, and her muzzle hung between a smirk and a frown. With gently flapping wings, she settled down on numb hooves and trotted her way through the swinging doors.

Hours later...

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash slurred as two burly stallions threw her limp body back into the street. "Pffft! This is one—HIC—fine way to treat a paying—HIC—customer!"

"You've had enough, lady," one of the stallions lingered in the doorframe just long enough to say. His brow furrowed as he grumbled, "Go drown yourself at another bar, you Ponyvillean hick!"

"Who are you calling a Ponyvillean—HIC!" She went cross-eyed, then shook her head. "Grrrr! Snotty melon fudge!" She pounded her fuzzy blue chest. "Cloudsdale born and raised! Sonic Rainboomer and Best Young—HIC! I mean Best Young—HIC!" She teetered and bore a lopsided smile. "That thing with the flappy wings n'stuff. Super fast, y'know?"

"Pffft..." The stallion shook his head and stumbled back into the bar. "Pathetic."

"Yeah, well, I'm not the one—HIC—bouncin' for a dump in the middle of sissytown!" Rainbow Dash muttered as she limped a crooked path through the moon-drenched alleyways. Her drawling voice echoed against the brick and mortar shine of the mountain maretropolis. "Ponies here don't know what it means to grow the real stuff! Heck, I'm doing Equestria a favor by—HIC—drinking all the crap so that nopony else has to! Nopony... who grinds their hooves to the bone... and f-for what...?"

She slumped against a street corner, blanching. Her teary eyes throbbed as she stared thousands of miles through the cobblestone beneath her.

"For... for a bunch of lame crud." She gulped. "For having your farm in trouble. And being too honest... too selfless... and b-beautiful to deserve it..." She gritted her teeth as a tear ran down her cheek. Her eyes shut as she shook, seethed, and finally stood up straight with outstretched wings. The next time she spoke, it was in a dull drone. "What I need is a little more cider..."

And she limped on until she found another dive to help her with just that...

"Grrglglglgggg!" Rainbow's lips dribbled all over as she poured a mug of cider down her gullet.

She flew upright, wiping her chin with a free limb before giggling foalishly into the cold night winds. She flew from a bar in a lower district of Canterlot, and her gliding wings took her towards the edge of the Royal Palace. The high walls of the Palace grounds stretched blatantly in her path. Her body hurled blindly towards the area, undaunted.

"Hmmmmm..." Rainbow nuzzled the mug like her mother's leg before dropping it to the nebulous ground below. She twirled around and "reclined" in midair, her face limp with a sleepy smile. "Just... one cuddle... AJ. Between friends, mmmmmkay?" She hiccuped, her muzzle stuck between a laugh and a sob. "I don't c-care how—HIC—bad things are..."

She hyperventilated as her eyelids fluttered shut. Her wings went slack, and she plummeted, sailing over the walls and past garden hedges.

"Just... want to be with you..." She murmured, sniffling, hugging herself in midfall. "Just... want to sh-show you..."

She flew faster and faster towards the ground, careening in reverse past sculptures, statues...

Rainbow's lips finally slurred upon the virge of sleep. She exhaled dully, pronouncing six words and six words alone.

And that's when her body struck something tall and pale in the moonlight, shattering it to bits.

CRACK!

Rainbow's eyes flew open as she gasped.

She blinked.

She blinked again.

The rooftops of Ponyville were sailing towards her. She had fallen through her cloud in mid-sleep, and was plummeting.

"Crud bagels!" The pegasus shot her wings out, pivoted them, and dragged them against the air.

Her body jerked, limp legs dangling as she swooped towards the village's Town Hall.

"Gnnnngh!" Rainbow Dash gnashed her teeth as she swung her body sideways.

She pulled up just in time to avoid the peak of the Town Hall building by centimeters. Her body roared past the flagpole, the rippling banner slapping her blue muzzle without prejudice.

"Augh!" She twitched, twirled, and glided towards the soft streets below.

Her legs stretched forward to brace for impact, but her memory had failed her. When she struck the ground, her numb limbs instantly buckled, and she collapsed onto her chest, grinding for several feet and forming a shallow trench in the grassy floor.

"Mmmmff!" She toppeled flank over spine, collapsing on her back in a crumpled mess of mud and feathers. At last, her body came to a stop, quivering in pain. "Unnnnnnnnghhh..."

She rolled over, spat clumps of soil out of her mouth, and sat up in the starlight. She flexed her limbs, biting her lip in nervous anticipation. To her relief, none of her bones appeared to be broken. Rainbow let loose a heavy breath, slumping back against the nearest building at the end of her impact site.

Quietly, thoughtfully, Rainbow Dash gazed skyward. Her ruby eyes shared the glitter and shine of the stars above. At last, she sighed and muttered to herself.

"I can't let this thing beat me. I'm enough of a loser without... being a loser."

With a silent slump to her shoulders, she got up, stood on quivering legs, and limped her way east towards her home. It was a daunting task, and she barely trudged faster than half a mile per hour. But she forced herself into the trek, muscles grinding, until the sun rose beyond her house.

Birds of a Feather

“Dashie, you like shells, don’tcha?”

Rainbow Dash did a double-take from where she hovered above a park bench in the sunlight. “The hay is that supposed to mean?”

Pinkie Pie waved a pair of pale shapes in her hooves. “Sea shells! They sound like a herd of infant foals when you clap them like so!” She slapped the hollow pieces in rapid succession across the cobblestone path cutting through the park. “Heehee! It’s like a stampede of adoracute!”

“Pinkie, darling, where did you find the time to collect sea shells?” Rarity took a sip from a cup of tea and levitated it back onto the hoofrest of the park bench where she sat beside Twilight. “Come to think of it, we’re a long ways from any large ocean…”

“Hmmm…” Twilight smiled as she turned a page of the book she was reading on the edge of the bench. “That’s a good point. Ponyville is the second most centralized village in the Equestrian homeland.”

“Nah, I just picked these out from in front of Filthy Rich’s house.”

“P-Pinkie!” Rarity blanched, nearly knocking her teacup to the ground. “Those sea shells were supposed to be there! Why… th-that’s the gentlecolt’s driveway!”

Rainbow Dash giggled breathily.

Twilight Sparkle glanced up from her book. “Something funny, Rainbow?”

“Ohhhhhhhhhh maybe…” Rainbow glanced at Pinkie. “Just how many of those shells did you grab, Pinkie?”

“Oh, I dunno.” Pinkie held up a large blue sand bucket. “About four or five…” She blushed. “...of these babies.”

“Unh!” Rarity gasped. “Filthy Rich is an important stallion! How will he help Ponyville’s economy if he can’t even focus on bringing his stagecoach in from a long drive?!”

“Seriously, Rarity.” Twilight smirked. “You worry about the stallions of this town a little too much.”

“Well, somepony has to!” Twilight tilted her nose up. “There’s so few of them, relatively speaking. I swear, it’s like they’re a precious, dying breed!”

“Heh…” Rainbow yawned. “...precious my blue flank.”

“Hmm?” Rarity glanced up.

“Ermmm--Uhhh!” Rainbow smiled nervously. “Pinkie sure can bake a cake!”

“And how!” Pinkie flung the shells around in her hooves and made engine noises, pretending they were dogfighting zeppelins.

“Rainbow, darling, this is supposed to be a casual outing.” Rarity smiled. “Relax, dear.” She patted the bench between herself and Twilight. “Have yourself a sit. You must be working a sweat like that.”

“Believe me, I’m A-okay,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Are you sure of that?” Rarity squinted. “You’re awfully fond of exercising those wings of yours nonstop when you’re around us. It seems dreadfully tiring.”

“Oh, it’s the opposite, believe me.” Rainbow Dash gulped, feeling the edges of her front hooves tingle as she hung the numb things behind her. “I c-couldn’t be any more chillaxed! Really!”

“I wouldn’t bother her much about it, Rarity,” Twilight said. She flipped a page and smiled as she thought aloud, “Pegasi are just natural at constant, uninterrupted flight. I’m willing to bet that it’s a great deal more comfortable than standing on their own four legs.”

“Uh… yeah!” Rainbow nodded. “What she said.”

“Still, the resilience of a pegasus’ natural wings are absolutely incredible.” Twilight leaned her chin against her muzzle and smirked. “I’ve always wanted to study a pair of them up close.”

“Yeah, well, too bad you’re never going to have wings of your own, Twilight.”

“Well… maybe I could--”

“I ain’t gonna be no guinea pig!” Rainbow frowned, folding her forelimbs.

“Yeah, Twilight!” Pinkie frowned. “Leave her ginnies and her pigs alone!”

Twilight giggled. “I wasn’t going to dissect her or anything!”

“Ew!” Rainbow shivered. “You actually do that to animals?”

Twilight blinked. “Not while they’re alive.”

“You would smell most rank with formaldehyde, Rainbow,” Rarity uttered, finishing the last of her tea. “It begs being said.”

“Well, nopony asked you too.”

“Good thing Fluttershy’s not listening to this conversation,” Twilight muttered. “Where is she, anyways? I mean, I know Applejack’s busy with the apple buck season and all…”

“Ohhh…” Pinkie fiddled with her bucket of shells and shrugged with an errant smirk. “She’s probably out and about, frolicking with Big Mac.”

Twilight blinked. “Big Mac?”

“Oh, isn’t it just divine?” Rarity cooed, waving a hoof. “They do make such a glorious match! Both are such tender-hearted, sweet-natured ponies! So quiet and bashful--yet so perfect for one another!” She batted her eyelashes. “One’s meek and frail, the other strong and dependable. It’s heavenly, I tell you!”

“Really?” Twilight blinked in surprise. “Fluttershy and Big Mac…?”

“Come on, Twilight.” Rainbow Dash smirked. “You’ve got your nose stuck waaaaaaaaay too deep in that book of yours.”

“I… I-I just thought that they were close acquaintances,” Twilight said with a shrug. “I mean, I’ve got nothing against it. Big Mac is Applejack’s sister. He’s almost family to Fluttershy and the rest of us as it is.”

“Ew… dang it…” Rainbow Dash made to wretch. “Don’t put it like that, egghead!”

“Yeah!” Pinkie snickered. “Besides, it’s a lot bouncier than that!”

“Bouncier?” Twilight blinked.

“One’s an innie and the other’s an outtie.” Rarity winked. “As t’were.”

“Snkkkt--Heeheehee!” Rainbow Dash hugged herself from where she hovered. “Rarity, knock it off. This is Fluttershy we’re talking about.”

“And I applaud her. Seriously, I do.”

Twilight blinked yet again. “I don’t get it…”

“Oooh! Oooh!” Pinkie stood up suddenly, a stray hair bouncing out of place over her brow. “That’s a doozie! Make it three doozies!”

“Huh?” Twilight looked up.

“Pinkie Sense,” Rainbow explained. “Foals are nearby.”

“Make that cute foals!” Pinkie frowned, then winked. “You don’t want to know where the hair flounces for when ugly kids show up.”

“Unnngh…” Twilight sighed into her book. “I swear--I’m a big bag of clueless today.”

“Happens to the best of us, darling.” Rarity sat up in the middle of her bench and waved a hoof. “Sweetie Belllllle! Yooohooo! How fares you, darling?”

“Hey Rarity!” Sweetie’s voice squeaked over the rise of the hill. She jostled in the red wagon beside Apple Bloom. “Ungh! Owie!”

“Scootaloo!” Apple Bloom barked. “Slow down, will ya?! Sweetie Belle wants to say ‘howdy’ to her big sister!”

“Whoops!” I winced, swiveling the scooter hard to the side so that it braked against the path with a slight screech. The wagon jostled towards me, but I lifted my hoof and stopped it before my friends could crash into me. “H-hey! Uhm... Points for style, huh?”

“Scootaloo, darling, please don’t kill Sweetie Belle on that thing,” Rarity calmly chided. “She just finished with a most terrifying brush with death as it is.”

“Sis!” Sweetie Belle pouted, cheeks turning red. “I did not!”

“The pony pox is nothing to laugh at!” Rarity said. “Tell me--have you been taking your medicine?”

“Yesssss, Rarity.” Sweetie groaned. “Once after waking, and a second time at lunch.”

“There’s a good girl. You’ve got another week of three tablespoons a day.”

“Awww--But Rarity--”

“No buts! I’m to see to it that you get better from your recent plight! After all…” Rarity smirked. “You have me to thank for becoming healthy enough for your outdoor excursions, yes?”

“Yer lucky…” Apple Bloom glanced over her shoulder. “I had the pony pox for a whole week. I was so dag-blame’d sick, Applejack says I started ramblin’ about these scary lookin’ shadows stalkin’ me from the corners of the room.”

“Eyugh… please don’t get me started on the pony pox,” I said, rolling my eyes. “My Aunt treated me like I was a princess.”

“Jee…” Sweetie Belle shifted where she stood. “How… erm… awful, Scootaloo.”

“I know, right? I swear, if my next door neighbors said one more ‘princess and the pea’ joke--” I turned, then gasped at the blue sight above me. “Whoah! H-hey there, Rainbow Dash!”

“Hey-ya, kiddo.”

I grinned, my tiny wings fluttering. “I didn’t know you hung out the park!”

“Err… yeah…” Rainbow’s face scrunched up as her body sagged a bit in midair. “It’s… kind of weird, huh?”

“Hey, everypony’s gotta rest from practicing a show that’ll dazzle the Wonderbolts, huh?” I chirped.

“Hmmmm…” Rarity stifled a giggled as she smiled warmly my way. “That’s certainly what Rainbow is good at these days--being dazzling.”

Rainbow glared aside, muttering in a voice she must have presumed I couldn’t hear: “Watch it, vampire.”

“Hisssssssss,” Rarity playfully returned.

“It’s nice meetin’ y’all n’stuff, but we’ve got some important crusadin’ to do!” Apple Bloom spoke up, rocking the wagon behind me.

“Oh?” Twilight blinked at us. “Not doing anything too adventurous, I hope!”

“We’re gonna earn a cutie mark in lizard-catching!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed.

“Sweetie Belle, darling, you shriek at the sight of lizards.” Rarity stared quietly, then pointed at herself. “I shriek at the sight of lizards!”

“Right! So I’ve got just the solution!” Sweetie Belle reached into the back of the wagon, grabbed a frilly pink sleeping mask, and slapped it over her eyes. Blinded, she smiled and spread her forelimbs. “Tadaaaaaa…”

Apple Bloom’s lips mouthed, ”It was her idea.”

“Wait…” Rarity’s muzzle fell agape. She pointed a pale hoof forward. “Is that my…?”

“Whoops!” I strapped my helmet on tighter and flapped my wings. “Gotta go!” The three of us zoomed past Pinkie’s cheering figure. I threw a shout over my shoulder. “Nice talking to you! Enjoy the rest of your day!”

“Hmmm…” Twilight smiled. “She’s polite, that Scootaloo.”

“Is she?” Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. “I didn’t notice.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, Rarity, just how did Sweetie Belle get over the pony pox so swiftly?” Twilight asked. “You seemed awfully distraught about the situation a few days ago.”

“Oh, why, that’s one advantage of living in Ponyville!” Rarity smiled proudly. “How many other villages in Equestria can say they’ve got a fix-it-all zebra.”

“Ohhhhh…” Twilight smirked. “Braving trips into Everfree, aren’t you?”

“Can ya blame her?” Pinkie Pie bounced in place. “That Zecora has a remedy for everything!”

“Yeah, she sure does,” Rainbow said with a nod.

Silence.

Rainbow’s eyes twitched. She looked up, her gaze locked on some invisible point along the green horizon. “Yeah… she sure does...”

“Hmmm?” Rarity glanced up. “Something on your mind, Rainbow?”

“Hey… uh…” Rainbow fidgeted in mid-air. “It’s been fun n’all, but I just remembered something that I gotta do.” She smiled nervously. “So sorry, guys. I’ll make it up to you, I swear.”

“Oh, you know it’s alright, Dashie!” Pinkie waved a hoof. “Just don’t hit any radio antennae on the way to whatever awesome destination you’ve got ahead of you!”

“Yeah! I’ll… uhm… do just that…” Rainbow made a face, took a deep breath, and flew off on swift wings. “See ya!”

“Hmmm…” Twilight tapped her chin. “Rainbow certainly is busy these days.”

“I must agree. I’ve noticed it too.”

“You don’t think that she’s…” Twilight fumbled, then shook her head. “Naaaah…”

“What?” Pinkie Pie leaned forward, eyes wide. “What what what?”

“Well… uhm…” Twilight bit her lip, kneading the bench with her hooves. She looked at Rarity, then leaned in to whisper in her ear.

Pinkie watched, quivering with anticipation.

Rarity leaned back, gasping at Twilight. “You really think so?”

Twilight smiled mischievously. “Wouldn’t that be spectacular?”

“Well…” Rarity flounced her mane and smiled delicately. “She did ask to have her Gala dress fixed to its original splendor just last week.”

“You mean… right after the Gala?”

“Indeed.” Rarity blinked, then blushed slightly. “Oh dear. I’ve resorted to gossiping, haven’t I? Heheh… silly me…”

Pinkie gasped. “I knew it!” She cupped her pink cheeks in exultation. “Dashie’s done it! She’s gotten a stallion pregnant!”

”Pinkie…!”

Ever Cure All?

“Yeesh, why the hay do they call it ‘Everfree’ anyways?” Rainbow Dash waved a hoof in front of her muzzle as swamp gas and other jungle fumes wafted up towards her in her flight. “I mean, sure, it goes on ‘forever,’ but no trip to this place is ever ‘free.’”

Her eyes scanned the canopy below, in search of a tree that was older and drier than all the rest.

“Maybe it’s ‘free’ for the animals,” she muttered. “But I don’t see how that makes sense. They don’t use bits.” She fidgeted with her numb hooves. “Acorns, maybe? Frickin’ squirrels are robbers, I swear to Celestia…”

More trees and trees stretched beneath. At last, Rainbow Dash caught the hint of dangling Zebraharan artifacts, and her heart skipped a beat. She dove swiftly and touched down on a swath of exposed grass.

“Hey! That wasn’t so hard!” Rainbow gulped and smiled. “It’s like looking for the cider stand at the grocery store.” She paused, wincing. ”Why do ponies like talking to themselves whenever they go into this place?”

Seconds limped by.

She shrugged, and took a step forward… falling flat on her face.

“Ooof! Nnngh… Darn it!” She pushed and shoved with her hooves, but couldn’t budge. With a low groan, she resorted to flapping her wings, and finally carried herself upright. “This is like the grand daddy of all suck.” She winced to herself. “Nnngh… here’s hoping she doesn’t just give me the cold… stripes?”

Blinking, Rainbow approached the door to Zecora’s hut. She raised one hoof to knock--hesitated, then raised the other numb limb. At last, she sighed, rolled her eyes, and headbutted the front door four times. Thud thud thud thud!

“Ungh… owie…” Shaking the cobwebs out, she cleared her voice and spoke up. “Uhm… hey there, Zecora? It’s me. Rainbow Dash. Do you remember me?” She smiled nervously. “I’m one of the ponies who hangs out with Twilight Sparkle! Y’know… the awesome one?”

Silence.

The pegasus bit her lip. “Look, uh… I-I know that we got off on the wrong hoof with the poison joke n’all, but you proved to be pretty darn good at fixing stuff. I mean… like… pony health related stuff, what with getting the poison joke out of our systems and fixing Rarity’s little sister of the pony pox. I was wondering if… uhm… well… you see…”

She hesitated, squinting suddenly towards the door.

“Uhhh… Zecora?” Silence. “Are you even there?” More silence.

She leaned in, squinting through the tiny window frame that the door afforded. Almost instantly, she pulled back with a wince. ”Nnnngh… not cool, Rainbow Dash. Just because she’s got freaky stripes and speaks like a washing machine doesn’t mean you gotta be rude to her.”

“My use of rhyme is a humbling routine. Tell me, how does it resemble a cleansing machine?”

“Well, just saying--cuz it sounds so mechanical and forced at times--Gaah!” Rainbow spun around, bumping her head on a lower branch of the tree hut. “Ouch!”

Zecora stood behind her. She couldn’t help but chuckle into a hoof. Adjusting the weight of a saddlebag full of herbs on her flank, she smiled up at the winged pony.

“Rainbow Dash, if I recall correctly, what brings you to my home so directly?”

“I… uh…” Rainbow rubbed her skull, wincing. “Ow, girl! What’s your house made of? Cedar and concrete?”

“This tree had died and dried out long before my time.” Zecora stepped up and lovingly rubbed the outer bark. “Which is fitting, for in my culture, carving up a living tree is a crime.”

“Yeah, but, like… don’t you lop off flowers and vines and all sorts of vegetation all the time?”

“Not the same, my pony friend, for doing so spreads more seeds in the end.” Zecora gave a slight chuckle.

“Wow. You’re a lot more… uh…”

“Hmmm?”

“I dunno.” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I just didn’t think you were capable of laughing.”

“Zebras are fully endowed with mirth and merriment,” Zecora said as she trotted towards the door. “Perhaps you didn’t notice because of how our first meeting went.”

“Err… yeah…” Rainbow gulped. “About that, I’m sorry.” She gazed at the pony with earnest. “My friends and I totally told you that we were sorry, didn’t we?”

“Apologize, you did indeed. Awkward airs, you have no need.” Zecora opened the door with a squeak. “Come inside and we’ll talk of things, and then you can explain what your presence brings.”

“Wow, that’s super kind of you.” Rainbow Dash ducked low as she fluttered high, just below the ceiling. She had to shift left and right to avoid hanging masks, ornaments, and dream catchers. “Yeesh, this place is pretty nifty in its own way. It’s like a crazy cool museum to far parts of the world.”

“To the far corners of Equestria, my travels have taken me,” Zecora said. She stripped her saddlebag and rested it on the nearby table with a relaxed sigh. “It isn’t hard to collect artifacts so liberally.” She turned and smiled at Rainbow Dash. “But, alas, I am not the only pony who’s seen many a sight. I imagine a pegasus like you would have witnessed much from a life of flight.”

“I’ve… uhm…” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Sure, I’ve been places. I…” She gulped. “I could have gone to more places. Especially by now. But…”

“Ah, you have a love of Ponyville that keeps you grounded.” Zecora winked. “Being anywhere else would make your heart feel less well rounded.”

Rainbow Dash blinked. “You’re… you’re pretty spot on,” she said. “All things considered, we barely know each other, Zecora. How do you read ponies like that?”

“Living things all function by a singular code. It’s easy to catch your bearings when you see it all as one road.” Zecora trotted over and began filing her recently foraged herbs away into various containers and glass jars. “I cannot, however, read your pony mind. Tell me what brings you here, if you’d be so kind.”

“What brings me here… yeah…” Rainbow Dash bit her lip. “Hmmmm… well… you see… uhm…”

“There is a pony saying, and I have no doubt.” Zecora tilted her head up with a gentle smirk. “I do believe it goes: ‘Spit it out?’”

“Maybe… uh… it’s best that I show you.” Rainbow Dash took a deep, deep breath and lowered herself onto four quivering hooves. “But… you g-gotta promise not to tell my friends.”

Zecora stared at her, then slowly nodded.

“Okay.” Rainbow Dash stood up straight. “Push me.”

The zebra’s eyebrow raised.

“I can take it. Come on.”

Zecora cleared her throat, trotted over, and gave the pegasus the tiniest of taps.

Th-Thud!

The zebra actually jumped back.

“Nnngh… guh…” Rainbow shoved and thrashed her limbs. Then, with a sigh, she rolled over, spread her wings, and used her feathery appendages to spring herself back into the air… where she hovered.

“Blessed sands a’blowing…” Zecora murmured. “Is all your strength going?”

“Just my legs,” Rainbow Dash said. “It’s… nnngh… always b-been just my legs.” Rainbow Dash stared aside with flaming cheeks. “My wings? Best things ever. Super, even. But… yeah…” She gulped. “The rest of my body? Not so hot. Limp as a noodle. And… uh… it’s getting worse…”

Zecora paced around the pegasus, grasping and feeling her dangling legs before sitting back and rubbing her own chin. “Hmmmmm… a common ailment, I’m guessing? Or something far more distressing?”

“It’s not very common, but it’s happened before. And… uhm… it has some pretty serious effects on a pegasus if it runs its course.”

“Rainbow Dash, at the risk of sounding nosy…” Zecora stared with inquisitive eyes. “In relaying this information, you don’t seem quite cozy.”

Rainbow Dash avoided her gaze.

“My assistance, you obviously seek. But if you want my help, I need you to speak.” She leaned forward. “How much do you know about this ailment that has become so much of a predicament?”

At last, Rainbow sighed. She coiled her wings at her side and landed with a jostling motion of her body. On quiet feet, she shuffled limply over to a stool and sat down.

Zecora stared patiently.

The pegasus looked up, clenched her jaw, and opened her mouth to speak.

The Quietest Nuzzle in the World

“It's so incredibly nice of you to offer to fix those for me,” Fluttershy said. With softly padding hoofsteps across the grass, she turned to smile over her shoulder. “I'm afraid that my mechanical skills aren't as good as my special gift with animals.”

“Don't you fret, little darlin',” Big Mac unabashedly spoke with a freckled grin. A stack of metal cages lay on his spine, rattling lightly with each heavy step. “My lil' sis is always tellin' me that I need to start a new hobby.”

“Well, so long as it's not too terribly hard for you to do.” Fluttershy trotted towards him and fussed with a loose metal door, frowning. “Ohhhhhh, I hate having to use these things. But honey badgers are just so temperamental and it takes a long enough time teaching them how to behave and be nice.”

“Hmmm...” Big Macintosh stroked his chin, glancing back at the cages himself. “Maybe I can see about linin' the inside of the containers with a layer of wool. If nothin' else, it'll keep the lil' fellas from bangin' themselves up somethin' awful.”

“Oh! That would be so amazing! What a great idea!”

“Just because them's upstart critters don't mean they gotta be treated with anythang but gentleness, I reckon.” Big Mac blinked, for a dainty pair of hooves were grasping his. He turned to look forward.

Fluttershy was hovering in front of him, cradling his hoof in two forelimbs. “You'd be amazed where you can find the gentlest of things...” She softly, lovingly nuzzled his fetlock, then smiled into his eyes. “Sometimes it just takes a little bit of coaxing.”

Big Mac blinked. “Eheheheh...” He blushed. “Hehhh hehhh...” He blushed harder. “Or... ahem... a lot of coaxin'.”

Fluttershy giggled as she landed down on all fours. Her wings coiled at her side and her loose hoof batted lazily at a few tall blades of grass in the sunset. “So... uhm...”

“Would ya like me to walk ya back to yer cottage, Flutters?” Big Mac motioned towards the distant barn below the hill. “Just gimme a sec to drop these here cages off and I'll—”

“Oh, Big Mac, you're so kind. You don't have to.”

“Nonsense!” He frowned. “I wouldn't be a right gentlecolt if I didn't—”

“Macky, you've walked me home twelve times in the past month alone.” Fluttershy stifled a giggle. “You've got nothing to prove about being a fine gentlecolt.”

“Well, shucks...” Big Mac avoided her gaze, glancing down at his fidgeting hooves. “I just wanna make sure yer cared for all good and proper.”

“And I am, Big Macintosh.” Fluttershy trotted forward. “Believe me, I am...”

“Eeyup...”

“Yes...”

Both stood within inches from one another, but from the way they separately glanced aside, they could just as well have been continents apart. A brief gust of wind blew through, chilling them into an awkward shudder.

“It's... it's late,” Fluttershy murmured. “I... uhm... I-I'd better get back home to the cottage before Angel thinks I got lost or worse—”

Big Mac drifted forward.

Fluttershy actually gasped—until she felt the soft, warm press of the bottom of his chin against the back of her head. Instantly, her pupils shrunk, and she smiled deliriously. In an instinctual motion, she took a step forward, wings spread, as she tilted her head up so that her neck curved with his. She closed her eyes with a long, contented breath.

Big Mac smiled, closing his eyes as he gently nuzzled his chin downwards. Fluttershy reciprocated, tickling the edges of his muzzle. The two lingered there, frozen as one, until Big Mac made the first move. He leaned back from her, reaching a hoof to caress her cheek.

Fluttershy bit her lip, failing to hide the rosiness in her coat. “I'll be...” She realized she was wheezing. ”Ahem. I'll be seeing you soon.”

“Eeeyup.” He winked, tipped an invisible hat, and trotted firmly down the hill, rattling cages and all. “Have a safe flight, Flutters.”

She waved, then plopped back on her haunches, sitting on the hillside as she curled two hooves towards her pounding chest. “I-I already am...”

Big Mac was gone. Fluttershy sat alone on the hillside, her mane blowing in the last fragrant breeze of daylight.

“Hmmmmmmm...” With a delirious smile, she spread her wings—and limbs—and stared thinly at the darkening sky overhead. “So very... n-nice...”

Th-Thap! A set of hooves landed in the grass, and a pair of blinking ruby eyes peered straight down at her. “I'd say! 'Flutters?' 'Macky?!'”

“Aaaaack!” Fluttershy curled into a little yellow ball... which inevitably rolled downhill.

The Lover's Nuzzle

Rainbow Dash's eyes wandered across the branches and tree trunks of the darkening forest as she and her friend trotted along. She spotted the shadows of squirrels scurrying in the distance, and she briefly thought of the tiny serpentine statue lying in wait at her cloud home.

“...Rainbow?”

“Hmmm?” With a double-take, Rainbow snapped her gaze towards Fluttershy. “Yeah?”

“Have you not?”

“Not what?”

“Seen... uhm... ponies do the 'Lover's Nuzzle' in public?”

“You mean that neck-rubbing thing you and Big Mac just did.”

“Ahem... yes.”

“I dunno. Maybe?”

“Mr. and Mrs. Cake do it all the time in Sugarcube Corner,” Fluttershy said. “I'm surprised in all the times you've hung out with me and the rest of the girls, you've not noticed.”

“Come to think of it, I think I do recall them doing a silly neck-tango out the corner of my eyes.”

“You see? It's not uncommon at all.”

“Yeah, but—like—those two saps are married.”

“Hmmmm...” Fluttershy smiled gently from cheek to cheek. “Yes, they are.”

“Uhhh... are... are you and Big Maci—?”

Fluttershy giggled lightly. “Don't be silly, Rainbow.”

“Who says I was the silly one!”

“It doesn't meany anything inappropriate,” Fluttershy insisted.

“Well, then, you tell me! What does it mean!”

“It's... erm...” Fluttershy bit her lip, stumbling slightly in her trot. “It's not so much a meaning as it is a feeling,” she said. “You see, when two ponies leave each other very very much—”

“Uh oh. Do I have to be sitting on my wingtips in middle school while hearing this?”

“Rainbow...”

“Hee hee hee!”

Fluttershy sighed, but nevertheless smiled pleasantly as she went on. “Couples reach a point of understanding where they would desire to express their deep and intimate love for each other in a way that words simply can't. For that reason, the Lovers' Nuzzle came into being. It's as old as time, predating even Equestrian civilization. Why, I'm certain even the likes of Princess Platinum and Clover the Clever were performing the gesture with ponies they cared about.”

“What about Starswirl.”

“Hmm?”

“Starswirl the Bearded, y'know? Did he ever smother another pony with his beard?”

“Uhm... I-I dunno. I think that's a question for Twilight.”

“Heh... something tells me that Twilight's not the expert on this sort of thing.”

“No.” Fluttershy gulped. “No, she isn't.”

Rainbow blinked at that.

Fluttershy went on. “Ahem. Most ponies first do the Lover's Nuzzle in private. But it's usually not a major thing until they perform it in public.”

“What's the difference?”

“Well, Rainbow, it's a huge step.”

“Towards what?”

Fluttershy smiled. “Towards sharing their love with the world. It's... uhm... a form of expression,full of shameless joy and contentment and—”

“Seriously, though, why couldn't you two just resort to suplexing each other?!”

“Rainbow....”

“Heck, at least then the two of you would be making a sound, girl! You think there's any other way for Ponyville to notice what you and Big Mac's got going?”

Fluttershy merely giggled.

Rainbow glanced aside at her, smirking while in mid-trot. “So you guys like each other that much, huh?”

“Y-Yes. Yes, very much.”

“Enough to do this nuzzle thing in public?”

“Uhm... well... almost.” Fluttershy gulped, her cheeks turning red for the umpteenth time. “You really... uh... weren't m-meant to see that.”

“Awwwwwww, I'm sorry, Fluttershy...”

“Oh, it's quite alright—”

“Pegasus' gonna peg, y'know?” Rainbow shrugged with her wings. “Especially when there's a good lofty branch to laze away on. How was I supposed to know that you and Big Mac were gonna shuffle beneath me within open view—” She bumped into Fluttershy's fuzzy chest.

The pegasus stared softly into Rainbow's eyes. “You're my best friend, Rainbow Dash. Of all my friends, I'm honored and happy that you would be the first to witness what you did.”

“Uhhh... n-no problem!” Rainbow gulped. “I think...?”

“I just... do hope that you approve,” Fluttershy said, fiddling with her mane hair while her eyes darted aside.

“You mean of you and Big Mac doing this Lover's Nuzzle thing?”

“Mmmmmhmmmm.” Fluttershy gulped. “In a few months—maybe sooner—we'll finally have the nerve to do it in public.”

“Just like Mr. and Mrs. Cake.”

“Hmmmmmmm...” Fluttershy smiled warmly into the gathering shadows of night. “Yes. Very much so.”

“Just answer me one thing.”

“What's that?”

Rainbow squinted. “Why's Big Mac gotta be on top?”

Fluttershy's cheeks went blood red. “Buhhhh?”

“Nnnnngh...” Rainbow rolled her eyes and practically growled. “I mean his friggin' chin atop your head! What's up with that?”

“Oh! Oh... uhm...” Fluttershy stirred slightly. “That is simply how we both feel it is to be.”

“Feel what is to be?”

“Who we are... and who we are together,” Fluttershy said. “Big Mac initiates the Nuzzle and I reciprocate. It... uhm... it reflects how we are in almost every other area of our lives.”

“Why?”

“Huh?”

“Why's it gotta be that way, girl?” Rainbow shrugged. “Is it because he's a stallion?”

“N-no! It's because—”

“He's stronger?”

“Rainbow, everypony knows that I'm not exactly the assertive one.”

“Horseapples!” Rainbow Dash smirked. “I've seen you stare down manticores and teach dragons the business! You could totally out-nuzzle Big Macintosh to the floor!”

“Heeheehee... this is not some sort of competition, Rainbow.”

“Then what's the deal?”

Fluttershy gave a long, warm sigh. She stared off beyond the tree trunks and murmured, “Big Macintosh has been quiet and shy all his life. And now that he knows me...” She smiled. “He's learned to come out of his shell. There was a time when he wouldn't say a single word to me. But now? He's like a regular poet, and every stanza laced with honey. My heart melts just to hear his words, to feel the warm breath of his whispers in my ears...”

Rainbow blinked. “He's not the only one...” she muttered.

Fluttershy continued, unfazed. “I've given him a way to express himself, to be alive, I suppose.”

“And you?”

Fluttershy gulped and glanced tenderly at Rainbow. “He protects me.”

“From...?”

“Everything.” Her voice took on a quiet, melodic tone. “Myself. My fears. My doubts. Even tears.” She brushed her bangs back and rasped, “Just laying in his arms, I feel warm... like I've found my home.”

“You don't say...”

Fluttershy nodded. “He... supports me, Rainbow Dash, even if I was the mare to show him that he has the power to do so. So, please, believe me... he's the one to start the Lover's Nuzzle.”

“So, like, when it comes time to show off your love in public—”

“His chin will be on top of my head.” Fluttershy giggled. “See? It's all really, really simple.”

“Heh... if you say so...”

“Oh, Rainbow...”

“Pfft! You can have your fru-fru public dance moves!” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “If you ask me, it's an awful lot of goofiness for no reason.”

“I wouldn't be so quick to make fun of it if I were you.”

“And why not?”

“Because...” Fluttershy smiled coyly. “There's no telling when the day will come when you will want to perform the Lover's Nuzzle in public, Rainbow.”

“Heh... please.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “I'd rather be caught dead.”

“Somehow I doubt that.”

“You doubt a lot of things—well, at least before Big Macintosh showed up.”

“Heeheehee!”

“And even if I did...” Rainbow Dash smirked devilishly. “There's no way in Tartarus I'd let another pony's chin weigh down the top of my head!”

Fluttershy abruptly stopped laughing. She stared straight at Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow fidgeted. “Wh-what?” her voice cracked.

Fluttershy stared. Calmly, she smiled, trotted forward, and rubbed her cheek against Rainbow's. “Rainbow, you are many things, but the least of which is the Element of Honesty.”

Rainbow opened her mouth to protest. Nothing came out. She suddenly realized she was shivering. With a nervous gulp, she backtrotted a step or two, avoiding Fluttershy's gaze.

Fluttershy almost looked apologetic. She pursed her lips, lingered, and said, “I'm not mad at you for watching me and Big Mac just now. I hope you realize that.”

“R-right,” Rainbow stammered, nervously running a hoof through her bangs.

“Just as we both realize why you'd be lying atop a tree in Sweet Apple Acres to begin with.” Fluttershy's muzzle lingered open. She cleared her throat and quietly said, “Everything about you is precious, Rainbow Dash. More than you'll ever admit. More than most ponies are blessed to know.”

“Mmmmff...” Rainbow kicked at the blades of grass beneath them. “Uh huh...”

“Rainbow...” A gentle hoof rested on the pegasus' shoulder.

Rainbow gulped. She tilted her head up. Fluttershy's glistening eyes were a few inches above her own, yet another brief reminder—like so many others—of just how small Rainbow truly was. It almost matched how she felt. Almost.

“I... I worry about you these days,” Fluttershy said. “Flying off to one place or another? Disappearing without a moment's notice? It feels almost as if... y-you've been drifting away.”

“Drifting away?” Rainbow made a face. “Fluttershy, ever since Twilight rolled into town—”

“Yes, I know. And I think what we girls have is spectacular.” Fluttershy smiled, but all-too-swiftly sighed. “But, even still, it feels like you've been part of the picture less and less.”

“I'm the friggin' Element of Loyalty.”

“Loyalty can work from afar, can't it?” Fluttershy gulped. “That's what's so beautiful and sad about it all at once.”

Rainbow bit her lip.

“And... and it almost feels like you've been keeping things at a distance. Ever since... well... ever since Gilda, really—”

“What happened between me and Gilda was a fluke, Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash snapped. “And besides...” Her ears drooped, along with her feathers. “That was... fr-fresh off the heels of Listing Breeze...”

Fluttershy said nothing.

“But...” Rainbow took a deep breath, her jaw clenching as she stood tall and proud. “I'm a lot better than the stupid pegasus I once was, Fluttershy. I know I may not be around quite as much, and that's just because I have a lot of stuff to do. But... but it's all for a good purpose!”

“Is it?”

Rainbow Dash blinked.

“I know you're a different kind of pegasus than you used to be, Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy said. “But there are times when I think you're still punishing yourself.”

“P-punishing myself?”

“Yes. Each and every day. I really wish you wouldn't.”

“Fluttershy, I'm as awesome and well-adjusted as it gets!” Rainbow snapped. “Just why the heck would I be punishing myself?!”

“Because the one thing you want the most in life is that which you can't win.”

Rainbow's face paled at that. Her face hung in a dull grimace, staring past Fluttershy. At last, she gulped and squeaked forth, quietly: “Maybe it's... n-not about winning her, Fluttershy... but making sure that she's the one who gets to win all the t-time?”

Fluttershy stared softly, her eyes glossy.

Rainbow gave a painful smile. “You see? In the end, it doesn't have to involve a silly nuzzle in public. Not always.”

“I do see.” Fluttershy sniffled. “And it's beautiful.” She trotted forward and wrapped her arms around Rainbow's neck, nuzzling her close. “But it doesn't change the fact that I love you dearly, Rainbow Dash, and I worry about you a lot... especially lately...”

“Hey...” Rainbow patted the mare's shoulder, keeping her voice straight. “It's alright, girl.”

“Is it?” Fluttershy leaned back, her face long and sympathetic. “You deserve the best, Rainbow Dash.”

“And I have the best.” Rainbow winked back. “I just... don't need to put it on the shelf.”

Fluttershy blinked.

“Heheh...” Rainbow tossed her mane and grinned calmly. “Not everything's a trophy, y'know.”

“I... I-I don't understand.”

“You don't have to,” Rainbow said. “You just need to get home safe.” Rainbow urged Fluttershy forward. Flapping her wings, she guided the mare through the forested darkness. “Come on, Fluttershy. And if any timberwolves attack us, I'll give them the Lover's Suplex. Just you see.”

“Uhm... okay...”

The Pegacursor Saga

“I’ll do it.”

Lancie swiveled around the dresser’s edge from where the statue tried fitting on sunglasses that were twenty-times the size of its skull. “You’ll do what?”

Rainbow Dash snarled, then batted the shades out of his stone talons. “What do you think, ya stupid melon fudge?!” She stomped her front hooves. “I’ll find your stupid shard and get it back to you!”

“Hmmm…” He leaned back against a dormant lamp and folded his arms. “How disappointing.”

“In what friggin’ way?”

“I know my grammar is as stiff as a corpse in winter, but I could have sworn you just said ‘shard’ singular there.”

“That’s because I did,” Rainbow Dash said, glaring his way. “Consider this whole thing a test run. After all, I’m not entirely sure if I should trust you yet.”

“And whyyyyyy nottttt?” He reached up, turned the lamp on, and angled the shade so that the light made his big rock eyes sparkle. “I’m adorabllllle!”

Rainbow bluntly bucked the lamp over. “You’re a turd. A smelly one at that. And if there’s a snowflake’s chance in Tartarus of giving a lamp like you a rub for improving Applejack’s life--somehow--then I’m up for a good challenge, no matter how stupid it is.”

“Meh. Very well.” Lancie shrugged, pacing along the dresser’s edge. “You finished yet with your dreadful monologue? Because I’d very much like to get this fetch quest over with.”

“No, I’m not finished.” Rainbow leaned forward, frowning. “The first moment--the first damn hint that you’re anything but genuine, then--I swear to Luna--you’re going straight to Noir’s locker--”

“And I’ll have my nipples hooked up to the torturous electromagnetic core of Deep Saros Nine… yadda yadda yadda… forgive me if I’ve heard it all before.” He gave her a fanged smirk. “I’m just intrigued that you turned a new leaf.”

“No leaf turning about it,” Rainbow Dash muttered, pacing toward the far end of her bedroom. “Just reminding myself where my place is.”

“And where is that, exactly?”

Rainbow lingered by her bed, staring listlessly out the window into cold night. “Sometimes you don’t have to be made out of stone to be alone.” She gulped. “All you gotta do is be a living pedestal in everything you say or do.”

“Love means never having to say you’re sedimentary.”

Rainbow’s head swiveled to glare at him.

“What?!” He shrugged with a smirk. “Just trying to contribute!”

”Don’t,” she grunted, tossing the duvet aside and crawling into bed. ”You suck.”

“Only when the world blows,” he said with a bow. “Smart idea, by the way.”

“Mmmmf… what?” Rainbow grumbled from the bed across the way.

“Getting some shut-eye. You’re gonna need it, Sparky.”

“Mmmfnngh…” Rainbow tossed the pillow over her ears, turning away from him. “Whatever. Just point me in the right direction tomorrow morning.”

“I’ll do even better! I’ll show you the way there!”

“No!” She sat up, tossing him a frown. “You’re staying right here!”

“And miss out on all the fun?! Just how do you expect to find where the shard is on your lonesome? You’ll need your personal little GPS!”

“GPS?”

“Yes! Moi!” He waved a hand suavely before his haggard features. “Your Garish Positioning System!”

“Euuuuugh…” Rainbow burrowed her way back beneath the sheets and comforter. “Good night, Lancie.”

“Just you see! We were made to work together! I’ll be the Maretin to your Lewis! The Flim to your Flam! the Jak to your D--”

“I said good night.”

Lancie slumped down on his rocky haunches. He smirked. “...and, who knows, you just might have fun. It’ll be an adventure, after all.” He curled up like a stone serpent on the dresser’s edge and was silent.

Rainbow Dash’s glossy eyes stared beyond the edge of the bed. She sighed, then murmured. “The greatest adventure is making sure she stays happy.”

The room was quiet.

Lancie hissed, “If you’re about to say the six words again, want me to fetch some bongos for backround ambiance?”

A pillow flew across the room and slammed him against the nearby wall. He plunged loudly into the wastebasket, rattling to a stop. A beat. “So, is that a ‘no?’”

Appledashery

We are all alive, of course.

Well, at least I'm pretty sure I'm alive. If any of you are getting warm fuzzies from time to time, then perhaps you are as well.

So, it stands to reason that the world did not collapse into a chaotic vortex of apocalyptic doomsauce. Long story short—without ruining the long story in a short manner—nothing happened to the fate of Equestria that could be blamed on the hooves of Rainbow Dash. And I certainly don't remember when a giant serpentine statue ever laid waste to any important maretropolises.

Now, then, what about Rainbow Dash's fate, you ask? Did she put herself in danger? Yes. Did she do a lot of unnecessary heroics against all odds? Yupperooni. Did she go flank-over-elbow to accomplish the littlest of things when she would likely have been better off having shared her deepest problems with her friends? Undoubtedly.

But you're not here to listen to a boring story, are you? After all, Rainbow Dash never did anything that wasn't worth sweating, stunt-pulling, and exploding random stuff over.

My only regret is that I wasn't there with her for most of it. Perhaps, in a way, that's something all of us share in common. Along with being alive, of course.

But were any of us ever as alive as Rainbow Dash?

Please. Don't make me vomit in the middle of telling a story...

==Part Eight: Dig Dash Dug==

Clang clang clang clang clanggggg!

“Up and at 'em, sunshine!” A deep voice chanted from pillowside, accompanied by the deafening metallic percussion.

Clang clang clangggggg!

“We've got ourselves some jagged clumps of me to find! Well, one clump, really, but every second wasted is another piece wanted! Heh... you like that? I thought it up myself.”

Rainbow Dash's bleary eyes opened. She made out the hazy image of a wormy little statue with horns perched on her bedside table, a metal pot in his grasp.

“Oh, good!” Lancie grinned from cheek to stone cheek. “You're awake! Did you dream well?” He stood still, smirking.

WHAM!

His body flew like a granite cannonball across the room, embedding antler-first into the wall beside the door.

“Hmmmm...” He folded his arms from where he dangled while the metal pot rattled to a stop beneath him. “Lemme guess. The classic 'sitting in the middle of class and not wearing a saddle, being laughed at.'”

“Mmmmffnnnghhh...” Rainbow rolled over, suffocating herself with a fluffy pillow. “Gnnnghhhh—I didn't stay long enough in school to have stupid dreams like that... mmmfffghh...”

“Well, that explains why you never learned the value of keeping an alarm clock!” Lancie said with a smirk. “Well, praise the stars you have me! I'm both... Hnnnngh!” His stone face tensed as he yanked and tugged at the wall. “Handsome and... hrnnnnngh...” Plop! He fell loose and slammed into the floor, embedding upside down by a horn. Sighing, he nevertheless folded his arms with an upside-down smirk. “...punctual!”

“You're a puissant,” Rainbow Dash spat into her duvet.

“Hmmm... seems like you took at least one vocab lesson, though.”

“Just...” Rainbow yawned and stirred into her covers. “...a little while more...”

“Sparky, with where we need to go... Hnnnnngh!” Lancie thrashed, struggled, and finally unpinned himself from the floor. Dusting himself off, he bounced towards the bed like a demon squirrel. “...we can't afford 'a little while more!' Now come on!”

He yanked at the covers, fully exposing Rainbow's curled, fuzzy figure atop the bed. Rainbow shivered, gnashing her teeth with paper-thin eyes.

“Just take a look!” Lancie perched on a bedpost and gestured out the wide open window. “It's morning! The start of a brand new day! A day full of shard-gathering, opportunity, adventure, prosperity—but mostly just the shard-gathering!”

“Nnnnngh... wh-what...?” Rainbow tilted her head up and squinted out the window. “Bite your tongue!” she hissed, pointing towards the dark sky being serenaded by crickets. “It's friggin' night still!”

“Nope! That, my little pony, is what's called six o'clock!”

“Buck that.” Rainbow turned over and slapped her pillow over her head. “An hour like this is for bats, zombies, and momos.”

The statue raised a granite eyebrow. “Momos?”

“Mmmf... mule hobos—look, if we're going to do this...” Rainbow Dash peaked her frowning face from beneath the pillow. “...we're going to do this my way, which means only when it's light out!”

“Alas...” Lancie held a talon over his “fuzzy” chest. “You've dealt me a fine blow with the piercing arrow of superior debate. I concede to your greater wisdom, Madame Sparksalot. You're absolutely right.” He jumped off the bed and lurched defeatedly across the floor. “After all, daylight is the one thing you want illuminating you as you sneak stealthily beyond the city limits of Ponyville with a tiny animated golem in your saddlebag while you embark upon a questionably treacherous journey to steal something ancient and suspicious under other creatures' noses...”

Silence.

More silence.

Rainbow Dash groaned.

Rainbow Dash groaned again.

She tossed one hoof over the bed, then the other. With molasses motion, she sat up, grumbled under her breath, and flapped her limp wings. Like a dangling piece of meat, she swung across the room and made for the door.

Lancie glanced up, his eyes lighting up. “Change of mind?”

“Shower,” Rainbow Dash hissed. “Not another word.”

“Oh! I love showers!” He scampered towards her, raising a talon. “I'll be a dear and grab you some soap! What's your favorite scent? Mine's lavender—”

The metal pot flew across the room and slammed into him. He toppled back, landing awkwardly against the base of a wardrobe. A beat. He looked up with an easy grin.

“Alright! How about you just warm it up for me, first?”

Part Eight: Dig Dash Dug
(Where the Shipping Story Turns into a Fetch Quest)

That Early Morning Squint

“Guhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...”

Rainbow Dash lay on the floor of her shower stall, body slumped against the floor, shoulders propped up against the wall. Steam rose around her as warm-warm drops thoroughly soaked her body and rinsed her mane.

“Guhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...”

At last, she tilted her miserable muzzle upwards, gargled some of the water raining down from the tiny thundercloud, and spat back it out in two directions split by a raised tongue.

She sighed and hugged herself, curling up under the steamy hot jets.

Her ruby eyes fell to the corner of the water-soaked compartment. She followed the trailing liquid in the dim light, her senses slowly piercing the fog of sleep to meet in the center of her brain.

She watched a lonely patch of tile as several small drops joined together, forming a large puddle of liquid.

“If I bring his pieces together... and he does nothing to help her...” Her teeth showed in a vicious frown. “Equestria won't have enough driveways for the gravel I'll make...”

“Want some bubbles? There's still a bottle out here—!”

”You're not coming in!” Rainbow hollered. She crossed her forelimbs in a huff. “Friggin' stone snake. Wish there was a way to put a cork in his mouth...”

There was a loud flushing sound right outside. ”Wowsers! Who knew pegasi could build these in the clouds!”

“H-huh?” Rainbow blinked, then shrieked like a filly as the shower drops pelting her turned to ice. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiieeee! Celestia darn it!”

“Mmmmmffffnnnnghhhhhhhhhuuuuu...” Rainbow Dash slurred, her eyelids fluttering as her body tilted slowly from left to right.

“Are you trying to say 'muffin,' Dashie? Cuz you can buy four muffins with that, silly filly!”

“Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuu—Wat?” Rainbow's eyes blinked open. She was standing in Sugarcube Corner. Her mane was still freshly showered and a saddlebag hung tightly around her lithe figure.

Pinkie Pie grinned from the other end of the counter. The eatery was empty, save for them, and outside the world was dark as volcanic glass, save for the sparse glint of random porchlights and street lamps. “Or did you want some strudel? An Egg McMarefin?” She stuck her tongue out and giggled, knocking around the three golden bits lying atop the counter. “You're the first customer! I have the time to make you anything you like! Just say the word and I'll whip it up in a jiffy!”

“I... uhm...” Rainbow Dash dangled a dainty blue hoof forward. “Mmmmfghhh—just some... br-bread and oats... about three loaves and two bags.”

Pinkie's blue eyes blinked. “Bread and oats? Why, that doesn't sound very breakfasty!”

“Not for breakfast... for the road... mmmfnngh... sk-sky road...” Rainbow blinked and teetered... teetered and blinked. Her ears flicked, trying in vain to shake the leftover shower droplets from their fuzz. A chill ran through her body, waking her from the brief bout with unconsciousness. “Just bag 'em, Pinkie. Thankskaybye... zzznnnghhuuuuu...”

“Heeheehee!” Pinkie bounced back and forth, bagging the foodstuffs with relative ease. “I gotta say, Dashie! I'm not used to seeing you up this early! Got somewhere to be!”

A tiny antler'd serpent poked his head out from Rainbow's saddlebag. “Yeesh, could you imagine waking up to a voice like that every morning? Your eardrums would shatter.”

“Guhhh!” Rainbow's eyes flashed wide as she hollered, “Shut it!”

Pinkie jolted, eyes quivering. “Huh?!”

Rainbow did a double-take, then frowned at her saddlebag. Lancie had disappeared. “I... uhm... uhhh...” She turned towards Pinkie with a plastic smile. “Shut 'em tight, Pinkie! The bags, I mean.” She cleared her throat and sputtered, “Thanks a ton... y'know... for the service.”

“It's a pleasurooni from me to youni!” Pinkie folded the bags twice over and hoofed them across the counter. “I gotta say, seeing you so early really brightens my day, Dash-Dash! You gotta stop on by more often!”

“Seems like such a lousy shift...” Rainbow Dash pocketed the bread away into her satchel and squinted tiredly at Pinkie. “How the heck do you do it?”

“By standing straight up and squeeing! Just like this!” Pinkie took a deep, deep breath and whistled through grinning teeth. “Squeeeeeeeee!”

“Aren't you friggin' tired?”

“Pffft! Oh please, Dashie.” Pinkie waved a hoof. “I work hard so that the Cakes can depend on me! So what if they say that I'm occasionally a narcotic!”

“Narcotic?” Rainbow's face grimaced. “Wait... do you mean narcoleptic?”

“Huh?” Pinkie blinked. “That's weird!” She looked off towards the far end of the vacant eatery. “I could have sworn Mrs. Cake said—” THUD! She inexplicably fell over, mouth hanging open and drooling. “Zzzzzzzzzzzz-shnorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!”

Rainbow Dash blinked. She turned around. “Whatever. Pleasant dreams, Pinkie.”

“Hey! Wait up!” Lancie stuck his upper body out of Rainbow's flouncing saddlebag. “You're going to leave while there're perfectly good danishes here?!” He twirled his talons and licked his fang. “Don't worry, I'll swipe one for a road while Sleeping Buttocks can't see—” A blue wing slapped him. Whap! “Ow!” He rubbed his stone skull between his antlers. “Heh... guess I'm not much of a feather in your cap, huh? Heheheheh—” Wh-whap! “OW!”

Rainbow Van Winkle

Rainbow Dash flew north.

The land hung as dark as the early-morning sky, made all the fuzzier by Rainbow Dash's bloodshot eyes. She had to repositioned her gliding body several times, due to having lost track of the horizon and where it bent before her.

As the first hour of flight went by, things didn't improve. This was mostly due to Rainbow's eyes constantly fluttering shut. She yawned more times than she could count... or pretend to be cognizant of counting. At one point, she smiled, for she found herself curling back into the folds of her bed blankets. This all ended in a sudden jerk when a pale granite talon poked her harshly in the back of the neck. Rainbow woke up with a start, gasping. She immediately ate leaves, and had to pull up with desperately flapping wings before her body got impaled on the throng of tree branches suddenly in her way.

What followed was ten long minutes of spitting up leaf parts and tree sap, punctuated by the sound of a snickering miniature golem hiding away in her backpack. Rainbow Dash groaned, rolled her eyes, and lurched forward in midair.

She wasn't exactly cruising that morning, but it hardly seemed to matter. The destination wasn't all that far away. Readiness was a great deal more important than punctuality, so Rainbow Dash took the time to allow her senses to adjust to the breezy glide of the journey.

And when things didn't move along fast enough, Rainbow Dash dove sharply, spotted the nearest river, and spun upside down. This forced Lancie to gasp and cling for dear life to the flap of the pegasus' satchel. Rainbow flew this way long enough to tilt her head up and dip her skull into the icy surface of a calm lake.

When she pulled back up, evening out on widely spread wings, she felt a cold stab of wakefulness to her heart. The wind whistled briskly past her wet ears, and she flicked the droplets off with more or less ease.

Waking up slightly, Rainbow Dash took a survey of her surroundings. As the sun started to peak to her right, she spotted hills sloping down into wide, flat plains. The grass grew more and more sparse as she hovered over an increasingly arid landscape. Trees were replaced with rocks and boulders. Houses vanished while landfills appeared, spilling gravel and sediment across the sloping foothills of the northeast mountains.

She judged that she was skirting the leftmost edge of the range that eventually produced Granite Mountain. In a moment of whimsical thought, she wondered what Churning may have been up to, and if he was getting along well with He Who Bags Well and the other thick-necked buffalo of the high caves.

And naturally that contemplation made her think about Fancy Pants, and thinking about Fancy Pants had her thinking about apples, and thinking about apples had her thinking about...

Rainbow sighed. She heard a voice clearing behind her. Looking back, she saw Lancie gesturing for her to fly lower. With an inward grunt, she angled her wings and dove sharply. Stifling another gasp, the tiny statue held on tight, struggling not to be whisked away in the cold morning breeze.

Lancie Belongs In a Museum

“There's something about a swift morning flight while it's crispy and dewy out and the sun's still rising up that makes someone feel... alive, don'tcha think?”

“Mfffnngh...” Rainbow Dash mfffnngh'd.

“Well?” Lancie slinked forward, leaning against her fuzzy blue neck. “Don'tcha?”

“I'd feel more alive if I didn't have to hear you rambling about stupid things every other second,” she grumbled.

“Oh please!” He rolled until he was lying back-to-back with her shoulders, reclining and examining his granite paw. “I make this long journey entertaining.”

“Do you, now?”

“I'm like the in-flight movie. 'Trotter Island' by Maretin Scorcese. Spoiler alert: he never trots off the island!”

“What would a serpent turd like you know about flight?”

“I'll have you know that I've got wings!” he uttered, fluttering the mismatched stone appendages.

“Yeah. I saw them.”

“Not impressed?”

“Is there a word in the dictionary that's the opposite of 'wow'd?”

“No, but there's an appropriate saying from when I grew up as a young handsome devil.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes, it's called 'being an Enormous Richard.'”

“Just how old are you, anyways?”

“Oh, y'know... I'm slightly over the hill.”

“Over the hill...?”

“But I like to think of it as being ten thousand years young.”

“Heh...” Rainbow Dash smirked bitterly into the breezy winds as she skirted stony plains. “Unbelievable...”

“What? So maybe I lied in order to cut off a few hundred years from my state ID.”

“How do you expect me to believe any word that you say?”

“Oh, jee, I dunno...” He glanced back at her with squinty eyes. “Perhaps because of the show of good faith?”

“What friggin' show of good faith?”

“Saving your marefriend's grandmamamamamamama from the falling barnmamamamama...?”

“I still have no proof that was actually you.” Rainbow sighed, her nostrils flaring. “And she's not my marefriend,” she mumbled.

“Why not? You certainly act like she is!”

“She isn't.” Rainbow Dash's eyes fell to the landscape rolling below. “And I doubt she'll ever be.”

“Oh?”

“She isn't even into mares.”

“Is that the reason for your whole tomcolt schtick?”

“Feh.”

Lancie crawled up and perched between her flickering ears. “You know, if your only kick in life is punishing yourself, maybe you should consider moving to Griffon Country for a spell. I hear leather is legal there... not to mention hoofcuffs.”

“Stop trying so hard to be funny,” Rainbow snorted. “It hurts.”

“And you would know, wouldn't you?” He smirked.

“Eunnnngh...”

“At least tell me this, if you please.” Lancie gripped her ears and tilted his head upside-down before her big ruby eyes. “If everything works out, and you help me, and—as a show of gentlemanly virtue—I bless this mare in every conceivable way possible, then how is it that you benefit?”

“Because I'll know that she's happy.”

“And yet you'd not be?”

“That doesn't friggin' matter.”

“Why not? After all, the more the mare-ier. Ha! You get it? Now don't tell me that hurt!”

“Shut up!” Rainbow hissed.

“What? Can't you at least give me a little something to suckle on—?”

“No, I mean can it!” Rainbow gripped his snout in the crook of her hooves and dropped straight down with coiled wings. She fell like an anvil to the ground, only flapping her feathers to prevent from being pulverized by gravity at the last second. Hovering, she touched down behind a crest of dirty earth.

Shoving Lancie back into her saddlebag, she crept forward, using the chunks of rock and boulders to hide her approach. At last, she slid up to the ridge's edge, folding her ears back as she peaked over the line of rock.

“What?” Lancie craned his stone neck to see. “What is it?”

“Tell me...” Rainbow Dash gulped. “Are you feeling your shard is close by?”

“Now that you mention it...” He scratched his scalp between his horn and antler and nodded. “Yes. It's practically underhoof.”

Rainbow sighed. “I was afraid of that.”

Lancie crawled up her mane and took a peak himself.

Over the ridge's edge, he spotted a deep ditch—a quarry, really—and it was filled to the brim with bipedal canines pushing carts full of rubies, shouting at one another, and whipping enslaved creatures with leather straps. Smoke billowed out of one of several holes leading into deep tunnels. In the far corner, numerous quasi-sentient mutts laughed, drooled, and fought over scraps of bone.

“Euuugh...” Lancie grimaced, then smirked. “Whelp, this is gonna smell.” He winked aside at the pegasus. “Good thing you showered this morning, Sparky.”

“Diamond Dogs...” Rainbow Dash turned around to glare at nopony in particular. “I hate these guys.”

What a Glorious Feeling

“Let's see now...” Lancie scratched his granite scalp while squinting at the quarry below. “A little to the left... seventy degrees downward... hang a right... mmmmm-yes. Yup. Yupperooni! The shard is definitely down there!” He shrugged his shoulders. “Give or take an ebony monolith or two.”

“What in the horse trough is an 'ebony monolith?'” Rainbow grunted.

“Y'know, the monoliths!” Lancie squinted his stone eyes. “The tall bastions of central equine defense against the outer wastelands of chaos...” His ears folded back. “Not... th-that I would know anything about that... eheheh...”

“Riiiiiiight...”

“Well, smarty saddle, if you don't have ebony monoliths these days, then what do you have?”

“Pffft. Skyscrapers, dude.”

“Very well, then!” Lancie pointed past the lumbering canines and their carts full of gems. “The piece of me is located about two skyscrapers downward.”

“Eeeeeeeeeeugh...”

“I suspect some digging is in order, or at the very least some brown nosing.”

“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeugh...”

“Or, in the case of these mutts, dry nosing, though that would mean you'd have to go to the vet and—”

“Will you please...” Rainbow Dash gripped him in the crook of her hoof, spun him upside-down, and shoved him neck-deep into a bed of gravel. “...can it for a bit!”

“Mmmffnng—mmfff—mffnngh, mfnnngher—fmmker!”

“Right...” Rainbow Dash slithered past him and squinted over the ridge, studying every platform, shack, and burrow of the spiraling quarry. “It's definitely some kind of huge operation. For every one of these creeps, there's about four more of them below the surface... like cockroaches. And right now I'm counting... ten... twenty... thirty-five...” Her ruby eyes darted about, and at last she grimaced. “Seventy-two. That means there's over three hundred of these melon fudges underground. Ughh... buck me on a Sunday...”

“Nnnnnnngh—” POP! Lancie yanked his head out of the gravel and wheezed, “Not on a first d-date!”

“Either keep your voice down or your head!” Rainbow grunted out the side of her muzzle. “I'm pretty sure one of those things I can rip off.”

“If I may be so bold...” Lancie slinked up her tail, back, and came to rest between her wings. “I detect a hint of bitterness in your voice. And—oddly enough—it is not directed entirely at me.”

“Yeah, well...”

“Have you had a history with these vile beagles?”

“I guess you could say that,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “They kidnapped one of my friends before.”

“OoOoOoOo...” Lancie rubbed his talon and paw together. “Was it... that friend?”

“No...”

“Not even the 'totally-not-a-marefriend' friend?”

“No! Will you knock it off!”

“I'm sorry. I did think this was the whole point of our venture.”

“No, the whole point of our journey here is to get that shard of you back and find out just how much you're full of it!”

“Heheheh... well, if it helps you to believe that, then keep telling it to yourself.”

“Grrrrrrrrrr...”

“Ahem. But seriously, though.” He propped an elbow against her ear and examined his talon. “How do you intend to un-let the dogs out?”

“That's exactly what I'm trying to figure out,” Rainbow Dash thought aloud. “From what Twilight Sparkle once explained to me, these guys only come to the surface when they absolutely have to. There's no place they love being than below ground, and almost anything will prompt them to scurry back at a moment's notice.”

“And just who is this 'Twilight Sparkle' when she's at home?”

“Only the smartest egghead to have ever trotted the planet.”

“With a name like that, I'm guessing she's never spent the night in an open barn.” Lancie waggled his eyebrows. “If you catch my drift—Whoah!” He flew off from Rainbow's bucking backside.

“Quiet! I'm thinking!”

“Really?” Lancie sat up, wheezing. “That must hurt. You poor thing.”

“Hmmmm...” Rainbow Dash stared across the quarry. “What is it that dogs hate more than anything?”

“Medical scissors and formaldahyde?”

“I didn't pack any. However...” She glanced up at the sky, then slowly smirked. “Mother nature is always packin' something.”

“Oh jeez... you're not about to go all Saturday Morning Special on me, are ya?”

“Nope!” Rainbow plucked Lancie off his feet and shoved him into her saddlebag. “Watch and learn, buddy boy!” She spread her wings and bolted straight up, rocketing into the clouds. “Awesomeness has arrived!”

“Yeah... w-well...” Lancie sputtered as he gripped tight, struggling to stay inside the satchel. “Awesomeness needs a smoother entourage!”

“Wuss!”

CRACK!

“Mush! Mush! You mangy fleabags!” A large and muscular canine marched along a line of hooved quadrupeds deep within the quarry, flailing his wip across the flanks of random deer and gazelles pulling carts. “Dig and haul! Haul and dig! You're lucky that we even feed you at night, you worthless oafs!”

“Mmmfnghh!” An elk collapsed, falling onto her chest while the chains rigged to a cart rattled. The other slaves fidgeted nervously, whispering and begging her to get back up.

“You there!” The diamond dog adjusted his metal helmet and bounded over, raising the whip high. “This is your third time today! Don't you know that Top Dog needs those gems for the Ceremony?!”

“Please...” The elk wheezed, staring up with glossy eyes over an emaciated expression. “Just a little bit of water... I-I beg you!”

“You want water?!” The dog spat on the ground, wiped his snout, and aimed his whip at the collapsed elk's flank. “Suckle your own blood, ya runt! Cuz this desert sure as Hell ain't gonna give you a single drop of—”

Plop! Something wet splashed off the dog's helm.

“Huh...?” He looked straight up, only to be stabbed in the eye by two more droplets. “Woof!” He realed backwards, his back hairs bristling.

All across the quarry, the wooden walkways and metal shacks echoed with the sound of raindrops ricocheting off their brittle surfaces. In thickening sheets, an inexplicable downpour saturated the entire quarry. Dogs and slaves alike squirmed in surprised. Meanwhile, muddy currents coalesced along the top ridges before pouring down the segmented layers into the deepest recesses of the pit.

“Master!” Another canine howled from the distance. “This rain! It's going to cause a mudslide!”

“If we don't roll in the gems now,” another wheezed. “We'll lose all the treasure we collected for Top Dog today!”

“Stop yer barking! I already figured that out!” the master yelled back, trying to hide his shivers. “Eugh! Bones! I absolutely hate baths!” He pulled a necklace whistle to his lips and gave the moist air a loud blow. “Roll 'em in, pups! I don't know where the Hell this monsoon came from, but we've got gems to protect!”

Most of the dogs were already whimpering and running towards the nearest holes for cover. Most of the slaves, however, stood in place, tilting their snouts and muzzles skywards as they gladly opened their grinning mouths to drink as much of the blissful precipitation as possible.

“Hey!” Crack! The master snarled. “That means you too!”

Finally, a thick group of canines forced the slaves down the platforms and into the deepest recesses of the quarry. Dragging the carts of rubies behind them, the prisoners savored as many droplets as they could manage before galloping back indoors. A trio of slaves carried the near-faint elk, and soon everyone had abandoned the quarry entirely.

A few minutes passed, during which a blue pegasus dove down—swirling—and landed at the entrance of a deep hole.

“Ahhhhhhhhh...” Rainbow Dash shook the droplets off her wings and tail while the quarry continued to be thoroughly drenched behind her. “And that's how you make an entrance.”

“How ingeniously stupid.” Lancie grumbled.

Rainbow Dash glared over her shoulder. “Stupid? None of those creeps saw a rainshower coming! Who else would have thought to bring in all the clouds from the surrounding area and make that happen?”

“Not that. I was hoping you'd choose something living up to the word 'awesome!'” Lancie tossed his stone limbs. “Something with more explosions and pizazz!”

“Didn't you see those poor slaves wetting their whistles for the first time in—like—forever?”

“Yes. It almost made me gag with overexuberant pathos.”

“Heh...” Rainbow Dash smirked as she bravely trotted down the dry, torchlit tunnel. “You've got a thing or two to learn about being a hero.”

“And I suppose you're the pony to teach me.”

“Nah. You'll just be lucky to become cool by association.”

“Well...” Lancie stood up straight atop her back and folded his arms. “By copying you, I see I'll already flunk 'Humility 101.'” He ignored a low-hanging stalactite that bopped him squarely between the eyes. Whap! “Ow!” He fell back on her flank.

“Sorry, dude. Didn't see that one.”

“Liar.”

Trotting Espionage Action

Rainbow Dash trotted down a lantern-lit slope of carved earth. At every corner, she pressed herself up against the rockface, bit her lip, and peered cautiously down the adjacent corridor. Luckily, there was nopony—or nodog—to be found. Biting her lip, she pulled her body into a nimble squat and slithered forward, leaping her way behind every bolder, stalagmite, and wooden crate she could find. The air was dank with moisture, and a thin trickle of rainwater constantly rivered past her hooves from the improvised storm above, giving her body a tiny shiver that kept her awake and aware.

And yet, with each minute that lurched by, she found the descending labyrinth of corridors to be surprisingly devoid of life. The torches flickered on—fueled by an ingredient that was relatively alien to Equestrian knowledge. Rainbow Dash seriously doubted that any pony had willfully trotted down these chambers in recent history, and from the increasingly foul stench of the passageways, she was starting to understand why.

At last, she glided down a particularly steep tunnel and emerged into the largest chamber she had seen yet. In every direction—including above and below—there rested the frames of more and more tunnels. It felt suddenly like standing in the center of a large dried-out sponge.

“Unnnnnngh...” Rainbow's whole body slumped as she sighed the full extent of her lungs out her muzzle. “Holes,” she grumbled. “Why did it have to be holes?”

“That's funny.” Lancie poked his head out from her satchel. “I figured you for a mare who was intensely familiar with caves.”

“Shhhh!” Rainbow Dash crawled until she was crouched behind a series of wooden crates. From there, she craned her neck and stared down a series of tunnels leading to some lamp-lit recess. “What makes you say that?” she eventually replied in a hoarse voice.

“Let's just say it's gut instinct,” Lancie said, rapping his own chest for emphasis. Plink! Plink! Plink! “Though, I can't blame you for detesting this whole 'labyrinth' business. You strike me as the kind of pony who likes to do things in a linear fasion.”

“Oh really...”

“Yup!” He smirked. “Just pick a single cardinal direction and keep on flying until—”

“I hate to interrupt, but something's bugging me.” Rainbow Dash squinted as she crept ahead to another series of crates. “Just what is it with Diamond Dogs and their incessant need to enslave other creatures?”

“I'm guessing you've run into their mangy kind before.”

“Sadly, yes. And though things resolved themselves with the awesomeness of a foal's comic book strip, I can't say that this situation looks anywhere near as fabulous.”

“I'm afraid you've lost me there, Sparky.”

“Look, I have these friends, you see—”

“You? Friends?! And here I thought you were just loyal to chicken pizza.”

“Shut up! Ahem. So, like, my friends andI had to rescue this one unicorn, Rarity, who got her flank captured by a bunch of freakish underground dogs. They were totally gonna make her dig for gemstones until her hooves fell apart. Thankfully, with a little bit of heroics...”

“...and a little seltzer down your saddle...”

“...we got to her before they could tear her to pieces. I mean, she handled the situation pretty well on her own, but a part of me always believed that she'd be dead today if we weren't around to drag her silly horn back to the surface.”

“Sounds like a certain lady owes you more than a pat on the flank.”

“Look, she's Rarity. She's my friend.” Rainbow Dash glared over her shoulder in mid-stealth. “I don't care how much she sounds like a vampire. I'm totally going to save her no matter what.”

“Even if she rarely writes or calls?”

“Or even if she completely steals my thunder and nearly blows my entire opportunity for winning the most esteemed prize at the Best Young Fliers Competition in Cloudsdale,” Rainbow muttered through a frown.

“I beg your pardon...?”

“But these dogs...” Rainbow Dash ignored him and went on. “They're a lot bigger and nastier than the ones we ran into outside of Ponyville. Also, it looks like they've been doing this slave-gathering thing for a while. I dunno who these poor saps are who fell into the canines' irons, but I get the feeling they've been stuck here for a long time.”

“Oh no. Don't you get started,” Lancie muttered.

Rainbow glanced behind. “Get started with what?”

“Somewhere deep down and right ahead of us...” Lancie pointed for emphasis. “...is the coveted shard that fell ever-so-dishonestly into these mangy mutts' paws. We're here to get that, not play Spartacolt...”

“Oh, come on...”

Lancie stood up straight and folded his arms. “For once in a million years, I am being completely and utterly serious.” His tongue unfolded like a buzzing party favor, and he slapped his mouth shut with an embarrassed twitch. “Ahem. As I was saying, we're here to get back what the black market stole from yours truly. Besides, you're one mare, and they are an entire rabid army of cat-chasers. And considering the way you've been curling up in bed as of late...”

“What in Celestia's fruity name are you even going on about?!”

“If you wanna commit suicide, do it on your own time... but after you get the shards that belong to me! Besides, getting the pieces of me is the one trick to earning good favors for Princess Frecklestasia, in case you've forgotten. Not playing Amneighsty International for a bunch of no-names with cloven hooves!”

“I don't think you get it, dude.” Rainbow Dash devilishly smirked. “The moment you decided to join me, you volunteered for a ride without stops.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You can beg for a lot of things, but the fact of the matter is—I'm here. I saw those guys and gals in trouble... and I can't live with myself if I don't do something to stick it to the punks who put 'em in irons to begin with!”

“Unnnngh...” Lancie teetered from where he stood in her saddlebag. “I almost wish I had my esophagus back so I could gag!”

“One thing at a time, squirt.”

“Fine. Fine! If you wanna be that way, go shovel your own grave. I can tell when a pony and her ego need a moment to shine.”

“Huh...?”

“You wanna make this a one-pony-sneaking-mission. I get that. But don't be completely stupid about it. After all, I'm here to keep you alive...”

“...and get your shard, that is.”

“So one good favor deserves another!” He shrugged, then tapped the back of her head. “Remember, I'm here for you whenever you need me. The frequency is 140.15.”

“The buck does that mean?”

“Don't be an idiot. Check the back of the box.”

Rainbow sighed and rolled her eyes as she crept ahead. “My life was so much easier without Captain Dementia.”

“That's Colonel to you!” Whap! “Ow! Seriously, would it kill you to avoid those abominable hanging rock structures for once in your blue fuzzy life?!”

“Heh...”

Spelanceying

Rainbow Dash trotted over a rock bridge spanning an underground river. Water rippled below, echoing across the cavern walls and ceiling with an oddly melodic tone. In the glow of a distant torch, several diamonds and jewels glittered with tranquil brilliance.

“It friggin' begs the question,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “If these dudes have so many shiny things this far deep, then why do they send slaves to the surface to dig around there?”

“Judging from the smell, I guess it's because they want a breath of fresh air,” Lancie yawned.

“Or maybe they see things inside out compared to ponies.” Rainbow licked her lips as her brow furrowed. “The surface world is like the outer limits to them, so maybe they wanna go outside, nibble on the crust, and eat their way back home.”

“Okay, now you're just sounding plain silly.”

“I also haven't eaten in—like—twelve hours.”

“Then have a squat and dig into your bread, girl!”

“No can do.” Rainbow Dash shook her head with a devilish smirk. “I'm at my best when I've got an empty stomach.”

“Spoken like a true idiot.”

“Yeah, well, this true idiot can fly faster than a speeding arrow, thank you very much!” She snorted and trotted further along, approaching a narrow corridor at the far end of the bridge. “I'll eat when I deserve to.”

“You do realize you're your own worse enemy.”

“I don't know what you're rambling about...”

Lancie sat up straight and patted Rainbow's ribcage below the saddlebag. “This could stand to be fuller! What, are you punishing yourself or something?”

“Don't be ridiculous...”

“I may be made out of stone, but I'm not blind, you know.”

“But you are dense.”

“Hardy har har.” Lancie's granite eyes narrowed. “I've seen the other ponies you pretend to be friends to. Most of them weight twice as much as you do.”

“Pfft... whatever...”

“I'm surprised you don't snap like a twig from just flapping your wings!” he exclaimed, wildly flailing his arms and tail. “You're easily the smallest of the bunch!”

“So I was foaled a month early.” Rainbow Dash shrugged and continued trotting through the torchlight. “I may be pint-sized, but I fly like a rocket.”

“A dart is more like it,” he grumbled.

“Since when were you so dang worried about my size?”

“Since I realized that you were actually going to take me seriously and scrounge up each of my shards!”

“Hey, I've only promised to go after this one shard. You owe me, buddy.” A pause. Rainbow glared back at him in mid-stride. “And why are you so surprised that I'd take you seriously?”

He cupped his paw and talon together while smiling innocently. “No reason!”

Rainbow's muzzle scrunched, then unscrunched with a sigh. “This had better not end in my death. I totally deserve to go down facing a dragon...”

He held up a talon. “That can still be arranged, y'know!”

“Feh.”

Lancie ducked as she carried them beneath more stalactites. “Do you even know where you're going?”

“I'm following the rubies and diamonds,” Rainbow Dash droned. “Last time I was in a Diamond Dog burrow, that's what Spike and Twilight had us do. It led us straight to Rarity.”

“You sure you're not too terribly distracted to make a proper judgment call?”

“Jee, I dunno. I might do better without a friggin' snake statue with antlers talking my ears off!”

Lancie folded his arms and smirked. “Hah. As if you needed little ol' me to be distracted.”

“I've no idea what you're talking about.”

“Don't you?” Lancie leaned forward. “How about a pop quiz?”

“Unnngh... hoo boy.” Rainbow slumped in mid-trot with folded ears.

“How many Diamond Dogs did you see on the surface?”

“Roughly two hundred...”

“How many clouds did you gather to make the rainstorm that drove them underground?”

“Mmmmngh... twelve, I think. A few of them broke off.”

“That's forgiveable. Ahem. How many stalactites have hit me in the head since we got here?”

“Three.”

Lancie blinked. “Three? But I only remember—” Bonk! “Sonuvalongshoreman!”

“Heheheh...” Rainbow Dash smirked victoriously.

Lancie rubbed his scalp, smirked, then leaned towards her head with puppy-dog eyes. “How many freckles does she have?”

“Hmmmmm... thirteen and a half. Depends on how sweaty she is and the time of day—” Rainbow's eyes crossed. She stomped her hooves and snarled back at him. “You little turd burglar!”

“You really are hopeless, aren't you?!” he cackled.

“Shhhh!” Rainbow hissed, nervously eying a light source at the far end of the tunnel. “Keep it down, will ya?”

“You'd better tell that to your wings, Sparky! Looks like bread dough isn't the only thing rising these days!”

“No! I mean it!” Rainbow Dash darted forward, squatting behind a wooden crate that loomed above a large, spacious cavern. “I'm hearing barking noises up ahead!”

“Seriously, though...” Lancie whispered in her ear. “How did you even get close enough to the mare to count her freckles?”

“That's n-not important right now!”

“Isn't it? Isn't it always important?” He leaned casually against her shoulder, grinning. “It's why you've taken the leap of faith with me to begin with! Even down here, in the den of evil, surrounded by frothing rabid dogs and miserable slaves, all you can think about is falling into the arms of some luscious blonde and listening to her sing you softly to sleep with the songs from the field—Mmmmfmmmfmffmmfff!”

Rainbow Dash had shoved a tuft of wingfeathers into his mouth. She sighed. “I really really wish you came with an off button.” She peered over the crates. “Don't look now, but a procession's coming...”

“Mfmfffmmfff-mfmfffmmff?!”

“Easy for you to say...”

Author's Note

RIP Appledashery Cover December '13 - May '14

Dog Gone It

“Move! Get your stupid butt in gear!” A bipedal canine in rusted armor grunted as he lifted a foot and kicked a whitetail deer in the spine.

“Ooof!” The doe stumbled forward, falling onto her chest as she winced against a cluster of rocks at the bottom of a wide cavern. “Please...” She hissed through her teeth, her ears twitching as she fought the urge to cry. “I-I haven't slept or eaten in d-days! I want to w-work for you, but my body's so weak—”

“That's because you haven't been mining enough iron, you stupid buck!”

“Pssst...” Another mutt leaned in. “She's a doe.”

“Baaah!” The guard batted off the other's paw. “She's lunch! That's what she is!” He licked his chops as he loomed over her. “There's still gotta be some meat on those thighbones somewhere...”

The other canines panted and wagged their tails in communal agreement.

“Please... I-I can dig still!” The doe glanced up with a quivering jaw. “I can help you build your boss' machine!”

“Bark?!” The diamond dog leaned back, his eyes bulging. “How in butts does she know what we're building for Top Dog?!”

Another canine grumbled, “Maybe because somedog keeps forgetting to keep his mangy trap shut around the slaves!”

“Don't blame me!” The guard hissed back, his backhair bristling. “I had no idea the creatures were smart enough to understand Standard Canine!”

“Well of course they do! We give them orders around the quarry all the time, don't we?!”

“I thought that was just the whips doing the work!”

“Buddy, you haven't used a whip in twelve days!”

“That's because Top Dog says I keep staining the ore and rubies we dig up with blood!”

“Ten days,” the doe said.

All of the dogs glanced at her. “Huh?!”

She gulped. “Ten days... it's b-been ten days since you used the whip.”

The guard stared at her, his mouth gaping and drooling. At last, he swung a glance towards his companions. “They can count too?!”

“Listen, dog, all I feed them is fleas and porridge! I sure as Hell haven't been giving them any armadillos to do math with!”

“Uhm...” The doe squinted. “Don't you mean abacuses?”

The guard stood stock-still, blinking. He mumbled to himself as he counted the pads on his paw. He glanced towards the ceiling. A pause. Snarling, he suddenly reared up and gave the deer a swift kick to the gut.

“Ooomph!” she curled up, wincing.

“I'll give you a ruptured cerebellum is what I'll give you!”

“Hckkkkt...” The doe choked on a sob and wheezed forth, “Appendix...”

“Whatever! Get your stupid tail-less tail to the slave pen before I throw you there—the skeleton before the pelt! Hhmmmph! See that I don't!”

“Can't... m-move...” The doe whimpered and twitched. “C-can't... breathe...”

“Unnngh...” The guard face-pawed. “Dammit, I hate slave duty.”

“She isn't much of a slave anymore,” another mutt said. “Top Dog wouldn't mind losing a set of legs. Especially if it means lowering the monthly rations by a smidgeon.”

“Yes...” A third dog licked his teeth and drooled ravenously. “A sweet, succulent smidgeon...”

“On one condition,” the head guard said, scratching his chin. Eventually, he smirked. “I get the fatty parts.”

Everydog barked, forming a tight circle around the convulsing doe.

“And so then I said—'Who won the Bit wars?! Buddy, unless you plan to hook a Neightendo up to a hayloft, all you're gonna get out of this crummy kingdom is oats and horseshoes!' Heh... 'Buck Processing' my left kidney...”

Rainbow Dash remained staring down the cavern from the lofty cliffface, her mouth agape at the scene of violence about to take place.

Lancie filed his talons with a stone shard while leaning against the back of her head. At the continuing silence, he raised an eyebrow and glanced over his shoulder. “Sparky? What's the matter? Pony got your tongue?”

“What... it... but...” She shook her head and glared back at him while pointing a hoof down. “Do you not even see the crud that's unfolding?!”

“Please, be a proper lady. Crud always folds its napkins before sitting down at the dinner table.”

“I can't believe you're so flippant over misery and suffering.”

“I gotta admit.” He gave a fanged smirk. “I almost chuckled at the 'appendix' part.”

“Did not!”

“Oh, and like you're one to count!”

Rainbow Dash stared down, gritting her teeth. “I gotta do something...”

“Fine. I might as well contribute what I can.” He slithered around her shoulder and cleared his stone throat. “Ahem...” Gesturing down the cavern, he said, “With the helmets those yahoos are wearing, they have very little peripheral vision. That should give you enough room to fly over their skulls and make your way to the tiny cavern located riggggggggggght there.” He pointed down at an angle. “Judging from how much the torches are flickering, there's a great deal of air flow—I'm guessing a lot of canines inhaling and exhaling. And where you have the highest concentration of guards, you're bound to find something worth protecting—like my shard for instance.”

“Uhhh...”

“So, the plan's simple. Glide down without flapping your wings—you can do that, right, Sparky?—then scale down the wall, slither through the tunnel—clinging to the ceiling when you have to avoid canines walking towards you—then find a suitable place to hide in the next compartment, perhaps behind toolboxes and crates. Oh, and if you smell canine feces—head towards it. The filthy smell should mask your dainty feminine graces so you can more properly advance on your target.”

“That's all good and stuff...” Rainbow Dash cracked the joints in her neck. “But I've got another idea.”

“Oh really?” Lancie stood up straight, folding his arms. “Let's hear it.”

“Shhhh... go ahead and fight...” The guard dog clutched the trembling deer's snout as he lowered his mouth to bite into her jugular. “I love it when my meat's warm and juicy—”

”BOOYAKASHAAAAA!” Rainbow Dash came down in a thunderous prismatic blur, smashing the guard's body so hard that his belly formed a crater in the stone floor.

“YIPP!” he yipp'd.

The other dogs spun towards her so fast, their helmets spun around their heads, blocking their eyes. As they stupidly struggled to reorient their armor, Rainbow Dash was already backflipping, sailing her hooves across the craniums and sending them plunging meatedly into one another with muffled shrieks.

The doe looked up, her eyes wide with shock.

“Hraaaaaaugh!” Rainbow Dash pounced on another dog, pummeled him to the floor, and raised her body with a savage elbow to another guard's throat.

Meanwhile, Lancie was clutching to her saddlebag for dear life, flailing all around. “Y-y-you c-c-c-call th-th-this a pl-pl-plan?!”

“Buck, no!” Rainbow Dash sweated and grinned. Grinned and sweated. “I call this friggin' poetry in motion!”

Two dogs rushed up, hoisting spears up high.

Rainbow spun her devilish grin towards them and leapt at full force. “Time to take you to the pound! The ground pound!”

“Oh for the love of—” And Lancie's moaning voice was silenced by the thunderous salvos of Rainbow's swift hooves finding their mark.

A Drop of Golden Sun

Lancie's trembling stone hands covered his eyes. His rocky teeth rattled as he stammered into the ensuing silence. “Is... is it over...?”

“Eyes front, lil' guy,” Rainbow's panting voice said. “Fireworks are done with.” She gulped. “For now.”

The little statue pulled his paw and talon free. He blinked at the cavern floor as it was covered with moaning, groaning, and thoroughly bruised canines. Rainbow Dash stepped gingerly over the throttled bodies, kicking their weapons away and making sure none of them were getting up.

“Yeesh...” Lancie grimaced. “Someone should call PETA.”

“PETA?” Rainbow blinked at him.

“Indeed. Ponies Entitled to Too much Ass-kicking. Why don't you sautee 'em while you're at it?”

“Oh please. These guys had what was coming to them.”

“And little did I know you would come so unabashedly hard.”

“Not a fan of violence, Lancie?”

“Violence is one thing, my dear Sparky.” He flung a talon at the mangled mess. “But this?! This is Calamity's day at the gym!”

“Huh...” Rainbow Dash wiped her sweaty brow and smirked. “And here I thought you'd be proud.”

“Can someone be proud of a tornado once it's flattened an entire valley full of stables?” He glanced over her shoulder and suddenly ducked down into the saddlebag. “Zoop!”

“Hmmm?” Rainbow blinked, but then heard a voice clearing in front of her. She turned to look.

The deer stood up on wobbly legs. “Please...!” She backed up with timid trembles. “Please d-don't hurt me! I'm not worth eating! I promise you!”

“Hey! It's okay, girl!” Rainbow waved her forelimbs with a gentle smile. “I only pummel freaks who deserve it—and you totalllllly don't deserve it. Trust me.”

“You mean...” She gulped, her ears folded. “You're not here to eat me?”

“What, you full of hay'n'oats?” Rainbow opened her mouth wide, uvula flapping. “Aaahhh... thee? Thee dat?” She pointed at her molars. “Nod foh eabing mead! Bust daithees and gupgakes!”

“Then... then...” The deer gulped. “You're here to help?”

Rainbow snapped her jaws shut and smirked. “Looks like it! What's your name, doe?”

Lancie poked his head out of the saddlebag. “'Doe?'”

“Y'know...” Rainbow turned back at him and whispered, “A deer! A female deer!”

“What was that?”

“Er... n-nothing!” Rainbow thrust her hoof into the bag beyond Lancie and pulled out one of the loaves of bread she got at Sugarcube Corner. Breaking it in half, she held it out to the deer. “Here ya go. Courtesy of the Awesomeness Express.”

The deer looked at the crumbly morsels, then up at Rainbow Dash.

“Well, go on!” Rainbow smirked. “The bread's sure as heck not gonna eat itself!”

Fidgeting, the deer, clasped the meal in two cloven hooves and scarved it down ravenously.

“Whoah ho ho!” Rainbow chuckled, sitting back on her haunches. “And who says everyone from Whitetail is mega-dainty?”

“Mmmrffmmff... I'm... mmrfmmmff... n-not from Whitetail Woods... mmmfffmmff...”

“Then where you from, girl?”

“A place... mmfffmmf... f-far from here... mmfffmmf...” She about finished the bread, licking up every last crumb. “I was... on a research tr-trip with others from my university. The diamond dogs attacked our caravan and forced us into slavery. Ever since, we've been... uhm... w-we've been forced to dig for minerals, ore, and rubies...”

“You have any idea what for?”

“No... But I do hear things.” She gulped the last bites down and shuddered. “I'm sorry. I just... haven't eaten in so long...”

“Hey! It's okay! You're safe now. Besides, you can trust me.” Rainbow smiled. “I can totally be a kind pegasus.” A beat. She blindly slammed the skull of a diamond dog that was nearly awake behind her.

“Uhm...” The deer breathed easier. “My name is Autumn... Autumn Rush.”

“Nice to meet you, Autumn. I'd say you had a pretty name if—y'know—I was into that stuff.”

Autumn blinked awkwardly.

“Yes, I noticed too,” whispered Lancie from Rainbow's satchel. “She doesn't have an ounce of freckles on her.” A wing smacked him. “Ow!”

“So what kind of things do you hear around here, Autumn?” Rainbow asked. “Sounds to me like these canine creepazoids are trying to build something.”

“Yes...” Autumn Rush nodded. “For their leader. The one they call Top Dog.”

“Is that so?”

“It... it's hard to say, but from what I've heard—it sounds like they're trying to build him some sort of machine. A mobile device.”

“What, like a chariot or something?”

“No. Something a great deal more complex. Something that can operate automatically without ponies or cattle or anything else dragging it along.”

“Ew. Sounds gross.”

“Yes, well, they really believe in it... whatever it is.”

“Are these dogs even capable of building such a thing?”

“Not usually. But they've seemingly stumbled upon a rare fuel source that powers that which they've designed.”

Rainbow Dash's eyes thinned. She felt Lancie stirring in her saddlebag. Clearing her throat, she leaned forward. “Go on...”

“Now these diamond dogs won't stop at nothing until they have a large apparatus built around this strange power source. They've been working me and the rest of the slaves to death!” Autumn gulped. “Literally!”

“And how come Princess Celestia and the Royal Guard haven't done anything about it?”

“Well... uhm... the sun only sets on the surface world.” Autumn gazed sadly towards the ground. “I don't believe your ruler knows anything about our plight, Miss... Miss...”

Rainbow Dash blinked. With a firm frown, she trotted forward. “Rainbow. Rainbow Dash. But you can call me 'awesome'.” She rested a hoof on the emaciated deer's shoulder. “Why don't you show me where the rest of your friends are being held, Autumn.”

“You... you mean...” The doe's eyes glistened. “You're h-here to help us?”

“Pfft! Why not?” Rainbow Dash smirked. “If all I came here to do was beat dogs' snouts in, then I'm in for a big disappointment, don't you think?” A mutt stirred behind her, and she bucked it blindly with a vicious back-kick. Wham! “So... where to, girl?”

Second Verse...

“Sorry, I...” Autumn Rush winced as she stumbled along the thin, winding corridor. “I'm very grateful for the bread that you gave me, but I'm afraid I'm still... nnngh... a b-bit weak on my legs...”

“Here...” Rainbow Dash leaned in, offering a shoulder to lean on and a wing to brace her with. “That better?”

“Yes. A lot.” Autumn gulped. “Thanks.”

“Don't mention it,” Rainbow said. “However, I wouldn't mind if you talked a bit more.”

“About what?”

“Well, for starters, this 'fuel source' that Top Dog has stumbled onto.”

“I've not seen it with my own eyes,” the doe said, shivering with each step. “But I've certainly heard a lot about it. The dogs are real chatterboxes, you see, and they don't think their slaves are capable of hearing as much as we do.”

“Right...”

“They've been slaving away at this machine for Top Dog,” Autumn said. “It's something that's supposed to let him wage war against the other canine clans.”

“Uh huh...”

“But for months on end, he's been frustrated, because he couldn't get the thing to power itself on coal or steam or even manastone! But then he got in contact with someone on the black market. Apparently some ponies in illicit trade had gotten their hooves on a brand new energy source... something that can cause great destruction, though it comes in a small package.”

“It wouldn't happen to be something like a stone shard, would it?” Rainbow Dash asked. She felt a stirring in her saddlebag and swiftly swatted it with her free wing. “Perhaps... something even resembling a piece of a large... uhm... m-monster statue?”

“I'm afraid I can't say,” Autumn said, then gulped as they both passed under torchlight. “All I know is that the Diamond Dogs here got ahold of it very recently, and they've been working the slaves extra hard ever since. It's as if production of the weapon went into full speed as soon as they got their new power source. I've never seen the dogs this focused before.”

“At the rate at which they're going, these idiots are likely to blow themselves up.”

Autumn shuddered. “One can only hope.” She squinted at Rainbow Dash. “Did... did you come for the shard?”

“More or less,” Rainbow said. “But, now that I realize that you poor saps are being locked up here, I feel that a change in strategy is in order.”

Plop! Lancie stuck his stony antlers out of the saddlebag. “Ohhhhhh no, Sparky. A deal's a deal. Without that shard, how do you expect your precious Miss Drawl-Drawl to get her blessed jollies?”

“One thing at a friggin' time, ya crusty salamander!” Rainbow Dash slapped him back in place with her wing. “Trust me! I got this!”

“You g-got what, Miss Dash?”

“Uhhhhh...” Rainbow smirked back at Autumn. “I've gotta get an idea of just who and what we're dealing with! How many Diamond Dogs live in this colony? Two hundred? Three hundred?”

Autumn Rush gaped at her. “Miss Dash... this is a subterranean metropolis! No less than ten thousand canines call this place home!”

Rainbow Dash's ears drooped. “Oh...” She gulped. “Oh.” She gulped again. “Yeah, that's a less smexy number than a few hundred.”

“I'm sorry to disappoint you, Miss Dash,” Autumn said with a sigh. “If you really wanted to make a difference here, then you should have brought an army.”

“Hey... I didn't say we were giving up yet!” Rainbow re-smirked. “There's still hope of getting you and your buds out of this place!”

“How?!” Autumn Rush blinked. “You're just one pegasus! How do you expect to save us all on your lonesome?!”

“Don't knock sheer awesomeness until you've tried it,” Rainbow Dash said. “Besides. I've got an even better question.” Her brow furrowed. “What need would a city of ten friggin' thousand diamond dogs have for slaves?”

“Uhm...” Autumn blushed slightly. “They're very... uh... v-very lazy dogs.”

“Yeah. No crap.” Rainbow nodded. “I guess that's what you get for having ten thousand mutts and not a single leash to spare among them.”

“Heeheehee...” Autumn faintly giggle. “I don't know if it's just the exhaustion and the hunger speaking, but you're very funny, Miss Dash.”

“I can be very fuzzy too, once you get to know me.” Rainbow Dash nodded ahead. “Hey, I'm hearing something.”

“Do you smell that?” Autumn remarked.

Rainbow Dash's nose wriggled in the air. She blinked. “Huh... it's less smelly all of the sudden.”

“Yes...” Autumn nodded. “We're coming up on the slave pens.”

“Heh... go figure...”

“Uhm... there'll likely be guards waiting for us on the other side, patrolling the cages,” Autumn said. “And considering the fact that the dogs you knocked out behind us could be waking up any moment now...”

“Hey, don't worry, girl...” Rainbow patted the deer's shoulder. “I get it. I know exactly what to do in this sort of a situation.”

In a large chamber filled to the brim with cage after wooden cage of quadrupedal wretches, a group of canines gathered around a burning barrel with their armor and spears, warming their paws before the open flame.

“So, this one time,” spoke a mutt. “I saw this wagging thing right behind me.”

“Ruff! What did you do?”

“What else? I chased it!”

“Hahahaha... ... ... and then what happened?”

“BOOYAKASHAAAAAA!” Rainbow Dash dove violently into the group, slamming the burning barrel over and setting a nearby table full of hoof-cuffs on fire.

The surprised dogs yelped and shrieked in terror. Before one could smack the pegasus with a heavy lance, she snaked around him, grabbed him by the waist, and suplex'd him through the burning table. SMASH!

Watching from the tunnel entrance, Autumn Rush leaned against a stalacmite and winced. “Uhm... Miss Dash?! She watched nervously as the prismatic figure darted from canine to canine. “Are you sure that this is the best—?”

“Just one second! I'm having another one of my moments here!” Smack! Wham! P-Pow! “What?! What?! C'mere, Fido! Let me take you someplace magical! It's called Concussion City! Population: YOU!” Whud!

Whatcha Gonna Do?

“You're... uhm...” Autumn Rush trembled from where she stood beside the cages. “You're very good at inflicting pain.”

“Mmmmmm...” Rainbow Dash lifted her head, cracked her neck joints, and smiled sweatily at the doe. “Aren't I, though?”

“Are most pegasi as skilled as you?”

“Only the awesome ones. So, in short, no.” Rainbow Dash held her breath, lowered her muzzle, and bit onto the tail of a groaning, stirring diamond dog. Dragging him away from the mess of debris and unconscious bodies, she propped the canine up onto a wooden chair and used one of the guards' own hoof-cuffs to bind him to the wooden structure. “Okay... Let's start over, shall we?”

“Mfffmmmffnnngh...” The dog stirred, his bruised face tilting up and down like he was chasing a horse carriage in his dreams.

“Hey. Hey champ,” Rainbow Dash grunted. The dog didn't reply, and all Rainbow could hear was the nervous titters of the slaves watching from their locked pens. Sighing, the pegasus trotted forward and slapped his face several times with wingfeathers. “Wake up and smell kibble! I need to talk to you, buddy!”

“Ngnnnghhh... grrr... grrr-ruff...” the dog muttered unconsciously.

Rainbow sighed, then sighed again. She plopped back on her haunches, glaring boredly at the guard. “... … … … bacon.”

“Snkkkt—Huh?! What?!” The guard's lopsided eyes opened as he gritted his fractured teeth. “Where?!”

“Heeeeeey!” Rainbow grinned wide. “That's more like it! Thanks for joining us!”

“Joining who?” The dog blinked, then found his belly at the receiving end of a bucking blue hoof. “OOOF!”

Rainbow Dash brought her leg back and hovered in place, glaring into the guard's face while Autumn Rush winced from a distance. “While your lungs fill up, maybe you can think carefully about the situation you're in, punk. I single-hoofedly owned you and your buddies' moronic hides, but I'm just one badflank pony.” Rainbow pointed at the pens. “What would happen to you if I opened all of these cages at once and had the guys and gals inside have their way with the dog responsible for tormenting them? I'm tellin' ya, there ain't enough sheers in the world to fix it, if you know what I'm getting at.”

The dog wheezed and sputtered, wincing.

“Almost able to breathe again?” Rainbow smirked. “Maybe you can get on my good side by answering the question of the day.” She leaned forward and snarled into his bruised face. “Who is Top Dog?! Where is he?! And where is he keeping his big, stupid machine?!”

The dog twitched, spasmed, and finally exhaled, “Coleslaw...”

Rainbow's ears drooped. “Buh?”

“I'm...” The dog gulped. “I-I'm just the cook! I came down here to pr-prepare the slaves' rations!”

Rainbow's muzzle fell agape. “Then... th-then who's the friggin' lead guard?!”

The dog glanced over, nodding with his head. “Maybe the one with the concussion... or the moaning one with the blood in his ears... or the other one lying to the side—though I can't recognize his face from the swelling.”

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to say something, fumbled, then sighed.

The dog smiled awkwardly at her. “But h-hey! If you wanna know where to find the cafeteria, I-I can totally tell you!” He blinked. “The secret is to follow the sound of flies—”

WHAM! Rainbow Dash blindly uppercutted him. The dog's eyes rolled back with a stupid grin as he fell back in his chair, landing unconsciously on the floor with a thud.

“Unnnngh...” Rainbow Dash slumped in midair, wings limp. “He got what was coming to him. Nopony should be forced to eat coleslaw in a place like this.”

Autumn Rush gulped. “Maybe you can question one of the others?”

“Girl, the others are busy eating their own teeth,” Rainbow Dash said with a sigh. “There are times when I almost regret being so good at kicking flank.”

“I'm not pretending to sympathize with these dogs,” Autumn said. “But maybe you should consider questioning them before beating them senseless?”

“Yeah, but where's the fun in that?” Rainbow Dash shrugged.

“Honestly, though, it's only low-level guards who patrol these areas,” Autumn said. “I doubt any of them would have known enough to tell you how and where to find Top Dog.”

“Well, what then?” Rainbow tossed her hooves and frowned into the torchlight. “Am I expected to question one of these poor saps in the cages instead?”

From the sidelines, a deep gruff voice cleared. “If Iron Will could be so bold, perhaps what the pony needs is a secret weapon—like Iron Will!”

“Ungh! Please...” Rainbow turned lethargically towards the cages. “I think I'm awesome enough to do this on my ow-ow-ow-OH DEAR CELESTIA WHAT ARE YOU?!” Rainbow Dash recoiled in horror, her ruby eyes wide.

Standing alone in the cage—several feet away from a bunch of prisoners keeping a cautious distance—a bipedal creature with an ox's head and matching horns smirked against the wooden bars. “A dog's worse nightmare.” The minotaur's nostrils snorted against a brass ring. “And the excellence of execution! Iron Will has a score to settle with Top Dog, if he has the guts to take Iron Will on!”

“Uhm... uhhhhhh...” Rainbow Dash gulped, sweating profusely as she stared at the speaking thing. “...derp?”

A tiny stone head stuck out of her saddlebag. “Nyuppp... I was asleep. What's going on?” Lancie's granite eyes blinked. “And did I just hear Terry Bolleoats talking?”

Minotaur Night Raw

“Iron Will was just minding his own business, having a quiet little picnic in the park...” The minotaur glanced aside with briefly rosy cheeks. “...because Iron Will likes that...” He nevertheless cleared his throat and snorted menacingly against the wooden bars. “...when suddenly Iron Will heard a bunch of shrieks off in the distance. Iron Will ran gallantly over the hillside to check, and what did he see?! Why, a bunch of roody-poo candy-tail'd dogs trying to get the drop on a bunch of innocent reindeer! Well, if there's one thing Iron Will doesn't like, it's cowardly flea-ridden heels trying to give baby-faced elks a bad time! It was too gorgeous of a day for curb-stomping random civilians! Why... they needed a lesson in how to be assertive and protect themselves! Iron Will teaches seminars on that, y'know!”

“Uhhhhhhh—” Rainbow Dash gawked.

“So what does Iron Will do?! He rushes over to lay the smackdown on these neutered hounds! I'm telling you—nopony's ever heard the air so ripe with high-pitched yipping! Hah! Iron Will had the bandit leader stuck in the cross-face! But before he could tap out, this mangy coward... grrrggghhh!” The minotaur began pumping his arms on the wooden bars, causing the entire cage to shake. His fellow prisoners trembled nervously in the corner. “This two-timin' Top Dog comes up from behind Iron Will with a foreign object! Wham! Before Iron Will passes out on the ground, he sees Top Dog and what the mutt has in his hands! Some kind of a thick gray slab—resembling a giant turkey leg! 'What kind of a weapon is that?!' thinks Iron Will. 'I bet this Top Dog jabroni would love having it stuck ten feet up his furry—'”

“Uhm...” Rainbow leaned forward. “And just who are you again?!”

”IRON WILL!!!” The minotaur snarled against the cage. “Ooooooh—You'd better recognize, ya fuzzy paint bucket! I'm a big name in every house hold! I've performed before Princess Celestia! I've filled stadiums in Marentreal!”

“He's... uhm...” Autumn Rush fidgeted from beside the cage. “He's one of the less agreeable slaves.”

“Jee... can ya tell?” Rainbow grunted.

“Top Dog and his clan only tried to make him work the quarry once—”

“Hah!” Iron Will snorted, grinning from ear to ear. “As if Iron Will would ever job for these punks! They handed Iron Will a shovel in one hand and a pick-axe in the other! 'Dig for jewels!' they barked. 'Oh, Iron Will will dig for you, alright! Dig you an early grave! Wham! Pow! Clang! REST IN PEAAAACE!' Ha ha ha... ahem. But seriously, though, that last part is trademarked to Iron Will of Iron Will Motivational Seminars.” He blinked. “Would you like an autograph of Iron Will's?”

“Uhm... no...” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “But I would like to know more about... erm...” She glanced back at the saddlebag, then towards him again “...th-this 'granite turkey leg' that Top Dog hit you with.”

“The mutts speak about it all the time,” Iron Will muttered in a low voice, squinting back and forth between Rainbow Dash and Autumn Rush. “It's more than just a cheap chunk of rock. It has straaaaaaaaaaaange and magicalllllll properties. Top Dog only got the thing recently, and he was out and about, testing it on the newest slaves he captured—and then he tested it on Iron Will. Ooooooh—there's going to be a score to settle, brotha. Top Dog has howled to his last blood red moon...”

“It's likely the same rock that's powering up Top Dog's machine,” Autumn Rush said. “From what we've all heard, it must be very powerful.”

“Of course it has to be!” the minotaur sputtered. “It caned Iron Will with one shot!”

“This is all well and good, but where could the darn thing be?” Rainbow Dash shrugged with her wings. “I imagine Top Dog would be keeping it close to the chest.”

“Iron Will knows!”

“You d-do?”

The minotaur nodded. “Iron Will saw it while Top Dog's mutts were royally rumbling all over Iron Will's skull and spine! Hah! It took Top Dog's entire clique to wrestle Iron Will to the floor and drag him back here! And along the way, I saw where he keeps the turkey leg locked up!”

“Well, coolie crispies!” Rainbow Dash hovered on fluttering wings as she smirked. “Then the next best thing is to snatch that shard and rid Top Dog of his edge!”

“But... th-that sounds so dangerous!” Autumn Rush exclaimed. “Who knows how many dogs could be guarding it!”

“I didn't say that you would have to be in danger,” Rainbow Dash said. She tapped her chin, then glanced dully at the many-many cages. “In fact, I think you guys had best lay low here for a while.”

“Here...?”

“I-I'll come back and get you!” Rainbow said. “But... y'know... springing an escape right here and now isn't exactly a good idea—not so long as Top Dog has this stone thingy in his paws. Without it, though, I'm sure his defenses will be weak enough for us to attempt a legit escape. Does that make sense?”

“Yes...” Autumn Rush nodded, then smiled weakly. “I'm just glad that somepony—anypony—is going this far to save us.” She then gulped. “Still... it doesn't seem right that you should go alone.”

“Well, I work best when I'm alone...” Rainbow slowly glanced aside. “...unless there was somepony who really, really had a score to settle...”

Iron Will smiled wide. “Iron Will thought you'd never ask!” CRKKK! In one swift motion, he tore the wooden cage off its foundation, stepped out, and slammed the bars back down behind him. THUD! “Iron Will would never miss the main event!” He cracked his knuckles with hauntingly loud reverberations and hissed through his teeth. “And if you're not down with that—”

“Yeah, uh huh...” Rainbow turned towards Autumn Rush. “You just wait right here. Hide outside of plain view for in case more guards show up.”

“Or if th-these guards wake up?” Autumn asked. She then winced from the sound of loud, meaty impacts.

”Hah! Not so tough now, are you, mutts?!” Iron Will continued elbow-dropping and leg-dropping the groaning, semi-unconscious canines in the corner. “To be the minotaur, you have to beat the minotaur! If you smell what Iron Will is—”

“I... d-don't think they'll be a problem to you,” Rainbow Dash said with a smile. She then winced from another violent smashing sound, and exhaled. “Or to anyone. Ever again.”

“Hah! Hey, check it, pint-sized! This one squeaks when Iron Will elbows its chest!”

“Hey! Who're you calling pint-sized?!” Rainbow Dash blinked, then sighed. She leaned in and patted Autumn's shoulder. “I'll be back.” She then turned towards the cages as she flew off. “I mean it! I'll be back for each and every one of you! I've just got a boss battle to get through!”

“Be careful...” Autumn Rush waved a cloven hoof. “Okay?”

“Yeah. Sure.” Rainbow Dash tugged at Iron Will's horn. “Show me the way, big guy.”

“Huh? Oh, right. Ahem.” Thud-Thud-Thud! The minotaur rushed up a granite set of carved steps. “Time for the showstopper to rain on the puppy parade! Don't you fret none about these hallways, pint-size. Iron Will knows his way around a labyrinth. It's in his blood...”

“Uh huh...”

As the two disappeared beyond view, Autumn Rush leaned back against a cage and sighed. “I think they're in it deeper than we are.”

Several of the caged creatures nodded in one accord. “Mmmm-hmmmm...”

Cane Top Dewey

“This reminds Iron Will of the night that a seminar had to be completed in the dark,” the minotaur said, stepping ahead of Rainbow Dash through the dimly-lit tunnels as they gradually ascended the roughly hewn steps. “Iron Will was delivering a speech to the skittish ponies of Stalliongrad. All of the sudden, the city's sketchy-at-best power grid went out like a ninety-pound weakling dealt a slobberknocker! So there Iron Will was, having to corral the drooping ears of a crowd of squirming, soft-spoken ponies! Did he give up?!”

“Uhm...” Rainbow Dash barely squeaked, taking dainty mare-steps behind him.

“Tartarus, no!” The minotaur's victorious voice rang off the brittle walls of the place, causing a current of dust to fall on the two heroes' foreheads. “Iron Will climbed the full seventy feet of the Great Wall of Stalliongrad and stood upon the brink, upon which he delivered the most thunderous promo the equine world had ever heard or seen! Iron Will changed lives! Reshaped the destinies of distraught horse-children everywhere! And all with his deep, booming, manly voice! This minotaur didn't need no damn microphone! Do you smell Iron Will?!”

“Uhm... yes...” Rainbow Dash nervously nodded. “I totally do.”

Plop! Lancie stuck his head out of Rainbow's saddlebag. “Alright. Two questions.”

Rainbow hissed over his shoulder. “Okaaaaay. Be quiet about 'em.”

“First off... is he even real?”

Rainbow's fuzzy nostrils flared. She winced. “His backsweat certainly is...”

“Second, why are we following his lead and not mine?” Lancie folded his stone arms. “I'm the resident shard-detector of these parts. Or did we somehow forget that little detail in the midst of fawning all over a certain fawn?”

“Fawning all over—?!” Rainbow's eyes crossed. She turned back, frowning, and hissed, “I was not!”

“Oh please. I've been around you long enough to know just how you tick your tock when in the presence of the fairer sex.”

“Dude, you've only been around me for—like—a day or two at best.”

He smirked and rapped his knuckles against his stone skull. “Call it granite intuition.”

“Uh huh.” Rainbow's eyes narrowed. “Did you earn this before or after you spent an eon encased in stone, by your lonesome?”

“Hardy har har. But for real—why are you suddenly trusting the Macho Minotaur Ridiculous Savant?”

“Cuz... I dunno...” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “He's got a bone to pick with this 'Top Dog' creep. Besides, I could use his muscle.”

“Ohhhhhhhh... so, when it comes down to it, it's all about the muscle, huh?” Lancie leaned against the back of her head, smirking. “Well, that certainly explains your obsession over Freckles McBruteThighs.” Th-Thwap! Her fuzzy ears twitched, slapping his skull back and forth. “Ow! Okay, now you're just running out of ideas...”

“And you're running out of breath!” Rainbow whispered hoarsely back. “Just get back into the satchel and lay low! Don't worry! I've got this shard stuff in the bag!”

“Hmmm?! Did pint-size say something?!”

“Uhhh...” Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and hovered at eye-level to the inquisitive minotaur. “No! Nope! I mean... wh-why would I have a reason to s-say anything?!”

“Iron Will could have sworn pint-size was talkin' to another pony!”

“Please...” Rainbow Dash smiled nervously. “And interrupt your awesome story about Leningallop?”

“Stalliongrad.”

“Right. Whatever.”

“Hmmmph. Pint-sized better not have a habit of talking to herself.” Iron Will turned and marched onward. “Iron Will gets creeped out by ponies who talk in the third person!”

“Uhhhhh... yeah...” Rainbow Dash nodded with a wincing expression. “Wouldn't that be a burn?”

“Shhhh! Iron Will hears a bunch of jobbers up ahead!”

“Erm... okay...” Rainbow Dash nodded. “And Top Dog too... r-right?”

“Yup. The chew toy himself!” The grinning minotaur cracked his neck muscles, flexed his upper arms, then sneaked ahead. “Time to lay the smackdown on the Bark Foundation!”

“Eheheh... heh...” Rainbow wheezed as she fluttered close behind him. “...I think I just about lost my smile."

The Best in Spelunking Entertainment

“It's... It's...” Rainbow Dash squinted.

Large rusted tanks filled an enormous cavern that stretched for well over fifty meters across. Underneath a series of horizontally cascading pipes, bathed in steam and errant vapors, several gruff canines pushed carts full of machine parts back and forth, retreating towards a compartment beyond a heavy door at the very rear of the place. In the meantime, thinner and more gangly canines shoveled heaps of coal into furnaces that powered the bubbling tanks.

Rainbow's ears folded as she muttered, “It's a boiler room.”

“Damn straight, it's a boiler room!” Iron Will grunted from where he and the petite pegasus squatted behind a heap of rusted junk. “Only the best place for a throwdown, if you ask Iron Will!”

“Is that what we're gonna do?” Rainbow Dash asked. “'Cuz most of these dogs seem... I dunno... kinda buff.”

“What?! Is the pint-sized pony scared?!”

“Huh? No!” Rainbow Dash frowned. “I could take any one of these punks on—hoof to snout—no problem!”

“Because if your feather dusters are trembling, prissy-pants, you can skedaddle on home and check yourself into the—”

“Yeah, I get it! First Class into the Smackdown Hotel! Yeesh, you're almost as cliché as the tooth fairy.”

“I've given motivational seminars to hundreds of thousands of ponies in packed-out stadiums between here and San Antonioats! And you know what's the most common thing I've noticed?!”

“Eeeeeeeuuughhhh...” Rainbow Dash rolled and rolled and rolled her eyes. She slinked her neck back to limply gaze at him. “What?”

“Ponies are afraid to take risks! But when they do, and they get a taste of assertiveness' pie...” He smirked. “They realize that it's just... too... sweet!”

“I'm not afraid of taking risks... or pies!”

“Hmmm... what about strudles?”

“I just happen to know a thing or two about biting off more than I can chew!” Rainbow Dash squeaked. “Punk guards minding the slave pens is one thing. But this?” She gestured into the misty cavern looming beyond. “One slip-up, and it's Next Stop: Grand Central Coma.”

“You know, I'm starting to like this guy,” Lancie whispered from her saddlebag. “It's like he's the one soul in Equestria who makes you look like a conservative chess player.”

Rainbow Dash ignored him and said, “Look, can we at least lay down a plan?”

“Iron Will... mmrrnngh... is not good at plans.”

“Well, what the buck, dude?!” Rainbow squinted at him. “I thought you did bigflank seminars all the friggin' time. Y'know? Selling out stadiums between here and Los Santoats?”

“San Antonioats.”

“Whatever.”

“That is... m-mostly the job of Iron Will's manager...”

“Euggghhh...” Rainbow Dash face-hoofed.

“Don't tell Iron Will you've never heard of the Muzzle of the South Jimmy Hay—”

“Fine.” Rainbow Dash gestured. “I'll do the planning. Seems like Top Dog is located somewhere beyond the far end of this room. We gotta make our way there somehow. As much as I hate to give it up... nnnngh... I-I think it's best that you do the heavy hitting, okay, pal?”

“Awww Tartarus yeah!” The minotaur punched his palm and smirked. “Just point and click, and Iron Will shall give the Stone Colt Stunner!”

“You have any experience in fighting your way through crud of this magnitude?”

“Iron Will once emptied a Manehattan bar full of drunken sailors. How about pint-size?”

“I once kicked a dragon in the face and another time I single-hoofedly drove a giant basilisk and a slobbering cyclops out o their lair.”

Iron Will blinked... then blinked again.

“What?”

“Uhmmm...” Iron Will nervously wrung his hands together. “About that last one... was it a handicap match or a triple threat?”

“Ungh...” Rainbow Dash sighed and trotted forward. “Just follow me...”

Dog Gone It

“I'm not doing it... I'm not gonna do it,” grumbled a canine as he stood besides a stack of barrels in the boiler room, clutching a lance in his two paws. “No way... no how...”

“Nnnnngh...” The taller mutt next to him squinted aside from beneath his helm. “What's bothering you?”

“Oh... nothing...”

“It's something alright. You've been yelping about it for the past hour.”

“No I haven't... it's been more like... mrmmnnngh... forty-five minutes.”

“What does it matter? Stick to dog time.”

“I always stick to dog time! What do you take me for?”

“An idiot and a pup.”

“I'm entitled to some self-respect.”

“What's that got to do with anything?”

“Simply that I'm not going to do it!”

“Not going to do what?!” the taller mutt growled.

“Kiss his tail. I'm not joining the club.”

“What club?”

“The 'Kiss my Tail' club.”

“Whose tail?”

“The boss'.”

“You mean Top Dog?”

“No, I mean Carpet Cat—who do you barkin' think?!”

“Since when did Top Dog have a 'Kiss my Tail' club?”

“Since he got that fancy shmancy new bone of his to chew on.”

“Uhhhhh... that's not a bone, dog.”

“Yes it is!”

“No it isn't. It's a rock.”

“Then how come it looks like a giant chicken leg?”

“I dunno.”

“And yet you say it's a rock and not a bone?!”

“Maybe it came from a petrified chicken.”

“Okay, now you're just reaching.”

“For serious. When did you ever hear of a chicken bone being capable of powering up the you-know-what.”

“Turkey bone, not chicken bone. And besides. It's the rubies and diamonds that power the you-know-what. This bone thingy is all that's keeping it from going kablooey.”

“You mean like how the previous three prototypes have gone kablooey?”

“Yeah, well this one's different.”

“It's being designed and piloted by the same Top Dog, so I don't see how it's different.”

“There's magical properties to this turkey leg bone thing.”

“Oh really.”

“Yes! It can teleport the you-know-what across miles in a single blink! We can lay wastes to the other clans in hours!”

“I'll believe it when I see it.”

“Well, sucks to be us.”

“Why's that?”

“We chose to be guards. We can't see it. We can only protect it.”

“Yes, but at least we get to see it at some point.”

“Says who?”

“Top Dog! Who else?”

“Pffft. Like Top Dog is going to share his Turkey Bone.”

“I'm telling you, it's a rock.”

“Call it what you want. All it'll ever be to us is dog turds, especially if we keep talking behind the Top Dog's boss like this.”

“So now you've changed your mind.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, a second there you were against the idea of joining his club.”

“What club?”

“The 'Kiss my Tail' club! Come on, dog! You friggin' said it yourself!”

“That's because Top Dog is a huge egomaniac who loves the sound of his name! It only stands to reason that he likes the buffness of his tail.”

“Uhhhhh...”

“And if he wants other dogs to buff his tail for him, that's good and fine for Top Dog, but not for us.”

“We kind of have to answer to him, buddy.”

“Yeah, so long as he pays us in gems and rubies. Otherwise I don't owe him a darn thing.”

“Did he—like—insult you or something the other day?”

“What? No! I mean... yes! Maybe.”

“Come onnnnn. Out with it.”

“It's just that he... y'know... walks so funny.”

“...walks funny?”

“Yes. He's like a friggin' giraffe. His upper paws flail all over the place. He's like a buffoon.”

“I... uh... m-must admit that it does look sort of funny.”

“You walk like that on the surface, and you know what happens? You get the leash. You'd might as well roll over and join the slaves in their filth.”

“You know, there might be a reason he walks that way.”

“Pfft—other than wanting to show off the sort of crud he can get away with cuz he's our boss and he pays us all?”

“Of course he's our boss. He's Top Dog.”

“He's an accident waiting to happen! I'm telling you, the only reason he's building the you-know-what to begin with is because he needs an excuse to get around more without looking funny in the process.”

“Couldn't he just have us all blindfolded?”

“Pfft. Maybe. But then where would all the gems and rubies come from?”

“We could just have all the slaves bring them to us. I mean, they dig enough for them.”

“Yes, but then you've allowed them to be entitled, and as soon as they feel any ounce of empowerment, they'll walk all over us into next year!”

“Yeah, but at least it won't be some funny looking kind of giraffe walk.”

“Heh, yeah, tell me about it.”

The two stood in silence. Unbeknownst to them, that entire time, a petite pony shape and a not-so-petite minotaur shape were both hopping from one condensation-slick boiler to another. Scaling their way above the canines' heads, the duo succeeded in hopping their way—unseen—through the doorway beyond. They vanished in the mist.

Seconds later, one dog scratched his chin and glanced aside at the other dog.

“I hate steam.”

“You know what? Me too.”

“Hey. You hungry as I am?”

“Meh... I'll vomit up something later.”

Royal Rainbow Rumble

“How much more of this steam sneaking is necessary?” a certain minotaur whispered.

“Shhhhhh!” Rainbow Dash hissed as she scurried ahead through the industrial mists.

“It's not Iron Will's style to duck and hide.” He nevertheless smiled slyly. “Unless, of course, there's plenty of room beneath a ring apron—”

“Dude! Could you can your chatter for a moment?!” Rainbow's voice cracked. “I didn't want to say it, but I'm totally not used to doing things this way!”

“Then Iron Will is curious. Why try now?”

“Cuz there's a lot more at stake here than just you or me!”

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhh...” Iron Will nodded. “Pint-size cares for the W.W.E universe.”

Rainbow Dash did a double take. “Excuse me?”

“Pint-size knows...” Iron Will blinked. “The World Whinnying Equines!”

“Euuuuuughhhh...” Rainbow Dash stared ahead with folded ears. “I think I'm going to vomit.”

“Iron Will thinks pint-size needs to relax! Her muscles are too tense! She allows anxiety to rule her life!”

“I do not let anxiety rule my life,” Rainbow Dash grumbled.

“Yeah!” Lancie stuck his head out. “She allows unrequited fuzzy pony love to—”

“Nnngh!” Rainbow shoved him back in her saddlebag. “I'm just... a little twitchy. That's all.”

“Twitchy? Over beating in the skulls of rudey poo Diamond Dogs? Naaaaah... Iron Will sees through pint-size's mask. A pony that likes kicking flank as much as she did in front of Iron Will earlier can't be anxious over a good smackdown.”

“Mmmmfnnngh... who retired and gave you the belt, anyways?”

“Iron Will has sold out stadiums to tens of thousands of ponies needing motivational speeches, remember?”

“Jee... how could I not? You only friggin' mention it every other sentence.”

“That's because Iron Will is proud! Pint size should be too!”

“Uh huh... and why is that?”

“The price of loyalty is important to her! It makes her weak in the knees!”

Rainbow Dash glanced down at the stone floor as they shuffled along.

“Is Iron Will far from the truth?”

“I have many reasons for being weak in the knees. It's totally not loyalty, though.”

“Is pint-size sure of that?”

Rainbow Dash frowned and looked over her shoulder. “Look, buddy,” she spoke out loud. “I didn't come all this way to have a therapy session with Brick McLargeHuge—” Her petite head ran into a metal bar. Bonk! “Owie!” She stumbled backwards, rubbing her fuzzy skull.

“Oooooooooh, brotha!” Iron Will cracked his knuckles. “You picked the wrong baby-faced pony to sneak up on!” He started pummeling the metal structure with his fists. Wham! Wham! Whud! “How about that?! Iron Will brings the pain!”

“Ennngh... dude...” Rainbow Dash grunted.

“What do you think of the macho mare and the megapowers now—?!”

“Iron Will, knock it off!” Rainbow tugged him back, snarling. “It's a friggin' metal bar!”

“Yeah, well, what's it doing here in the middle of the room?!”

“I dunno...” Rainbow Dash tilted her head up. “It's probably just another boiler or...” And up and up and up. “Or... or... hoboy...”

Rainbow and the minotaur stood in the shadow of an enormous metal monstrosity comprised of hydraulic joints, steam reinforced pipes, and what appeared to be tank treads. It was easily the size of two houses back in Ponyville. Judging from how high the ceiling went in that misty place, this was the only cavern of the canine colony large enough to house such a metal beast.

Rainbow Dash gulped. “Well, there's at least one good thing to know.”

“And what's that, pint-size?”

“I doubt it can roll back the way we came.”

“Pffft. You don't strike Iron Will as a pony who runs from danger.”

“What?! I never said that—”

“Iron Will is serious! You need to relax and take the moment in stride!”

“Euugh...” Rainbow face-hoofed. “Is now the time and place?”

“Maybe a story will suck the tension right out of pint-size! Ahem... did Iron Will ever tell you the story of when Pony Rose snuck up on Iron Will in a chicken costume?”

Just then, a loud hum filled the room. The steam suddenly animated, as if coming to life. The mists flew past Iron Will and Rainbow Dash, sailing into the vents located along the broad side of the metal vehicle's hull.

“What... wh-what's going on?!” Iron Will stammered.

“Dude...” Rainbow Dash blinked. “I figured your story was about to suck, but this is ridiculous.”

“Look!” Iron Will pointed with a dramatic pose.

Rainbow's ruby eyes gazed up as the last cloud of mist dissipated, being inhaled by the steam vents of the enormous vessel. By now, the far reaches of the large cavern could be seen in perfect clarity. The metal vehicle was a behemoth, complete with a swiveling top rig situated upon four pivoting segments equipped with tank treads. The vehicle was primarily constructed out of a rust-red iron alloy with plates of gold and steel reinforcement. Diamond and ruby studs lined the broader panels, and the upper portion of the craft swiveled about, exposing a canine engineer perched upon the top where he fiddled with the controls of an open cockpit inside a see-through metal cage. He pulled at a lever, causing two massive arms to flex and unflex from the main turret.

“As you can see, Top Dog, all it takes now is one flip of the switch, and the B-Cubed will suck in all the steam from a loading area in less than a minute! So long as we dig and build these boiler rooms in strategic places all across the countryside, B-Cubed can hypothetically restock and reload... from... anywhere...” He glanced down at the conspicuously exposed minotaur and pegasus, blinking through his thick goggles. “Woof?”

Silent, Iron Will and Rainbow Dash glanced up.

A thick line of dogs stood on a catwalk just above the rumbling machine. Among them was a particularly muscular canine wearing metal chains for a bandolier. He raised an eyebrow above a pair of neon-purple shades.

Rainbow Dash squinted. “Top Dog...?”

The canine slowly, slowly nodded his head. “...yeahhhhhhh?”

A beat.

“Alright, one thing at a time,” Rainbow Dash said with a frown. “Just what in the heck are you building here and why—?”

CLANG! A metal barrel flew up and slammed into two of the guards at Top Dog's side, sending them flailing—and yelping—to the top of the metal behemoth beneath the catwalk.

“Ohhhhhhhh yeah!” Iron Will flexed his biceps. “You're going home in a doggy bag! And that's the bottom line! Because Iron Will says—”

“Oh for the love of Pete—” Rainbow Dash snarled as she soared up at the startled canine boss. “Round One, already!”

Dashamania

“Hah!” Iron Will's voice shouted upwards towards the cavern ceiling amidst loud metallic thudding noises. “Iron Will has never lived until he got the opportunity to suplex giant bipedal dogs on top of a golden tank!”

“Save it for a drinking game, buddy!” Rainbow Dash headbutted a canine to the catwalk floor, then pivoted around. “Okay, Top Dog. Time to—” She winced, rubbing the fresh welt on her fuzzy blue head. “Owwwww... why the buck do I do that anyway?”

Lancie stuck his head out. “Somepony's a rabid wolverine.”

“You stay out of this!” Rainbow Dash grunted.

“How could I?!” Top Dog replied, snarling from behind his purple shades. ““You're the one invading my home!”

“No, not you.” Rainbow went cross-eyed, then shook her head. “I mean, yes! You! I mean...” She rolled her eyes and flew straight forward. “Buck you!”

Top Dog yanked at his bandolier, twirling both loops of chain as he anticipated Rainbow's approach. As the pegasus sailed at him, he jumped back across the catwalk and swung both rattling links of metal like nunchaku.

Rainbow juked and dodged in mid-air. “Alright. Points for style... but no chance!” She then gripped the catwalk railings with two forelimbs and twirled her lower body upwards like a gymnast. With a well-timed bicycle kick, Rainbow uppercutted Top Dog across the chin. She landed on all fours while Lancie teetered dizzily in her saddlebag. “That's what you've got!” She smirked, then blinked. “Huh?!”

Instead of collapsing further down the catwalk, Top Dog had gripped the ceiling with his paws. No-selling the kick, he suddenly burrowed up into the rocky ceiling with incredible ease. Pebbles and chunks of stone fell to the catwalk below, pelting Rainbow's coat with dust.

The pegasus blinked. She held a hoof up. “Uhhhh... what?”

A burrowing sound echoed from above, followed by the thud of a heavy weight landing behind her.

“Uhhhh...” A stone talon tapped the back of her neck. “Don't look now, but the dog's about to do ya from behind.”

“Buh?” Rainbow spun around.

Below a fresh hole in the ceiling, Top Dog sprinted across the catwalk, spun, and round-house kicked Rainbow across the muzzle.

“Oooofa!” Rainbow fell back, landed, and slid ten feet across the dusty catwalk.

“Hmmmmmph!” Top Dog's hairy limbs posed like a sun-bathing crane. “I'm smarter than the average mutt, ponyyyyyyy. Bet you've never met a canine proficient in Tae Kwon Dog!”

Rainbow's ears instantly flattened. “Uhhhhh no. No, you don't get away with that.” Flattening her body like a surf board, she laid on her back and flapped her wings once. Her body slid down the catwalk until she was directly underneath Top Dog. And then. “Hnnnttt!” She slammed her lower hooves up between his legs.

An undeniably high-pitched howl lit the cavern while Top Dog collapsed with spasms, only to be caught in Rainbow's merciless grip.

“How ya doing up there, pint size?!” Iron Will's voice shouted amidst random grunts.

“Oh... just getting Top Dog fixed, is all!” Rainbow then proceeded to slam the canine leader's skull repeatedly into the catwalk's railing. “Owning!” Thud! “And!” Thud! “Torturing!” Thud! “Slaves!” Thud! “Is!” Thud! “Un—” Thud! “—cool!”

She then backhoofed him so that he collapsed—wincing—to the catwalk floor.

“I'd throw in some adverbs there, but I think you've had enough,” Rainbow said with a wink.

“No... ponyyyyy...” Top Dog looked up through cracked shades and wiped blood off his smirking muzzle. “It's you who is about to have enough!” He pulled a mana-powered device out of his utility belt and clicked it.

“Huh?!” Rainbow blinked. Just then, a mechanical whirr echoed overhead. She glanced up in time to see a large metal crane descending from the ceiling. Between the robotic limbs' claws was a glass jar, containing what looked like a large ostrich leg made out of stone. “Luna's nipple...” She gulped. “Is that...?”

“Yup!” Lancie nodded, clinging to her mane hairs. “Thar she blows, Sparky.”

“I went through great expense to find an adequate fuel source for the B-Cubed!” Top Dog said.

Rainbow Dash spun around to see that he was standing up and leaning precariously over the catwalk's railing.

“I have pure chaos at my disposal! And I'm not about to let an upstart pony mess up all that I have planned for the unification of the canine clans!” That said, he effortlessly leaned back and fell over the catwalk's edge.

Rainbow yelped. “Not cool!” She galloped and dove after him.

But it was too late. Top Dog dropped down the cavern, past canines being thrown left and right by Iron Will's strong biceps, and landed expertly in the seat of the cockpit. He slammed the metal cage shut over his body and clicked once more on his remote.

Whirrrr! The robotic claw dropped the glass canister... which then fell neatly into a slot in the back of the giant vehicle. An aluminum aperture swirled shut, clasping the jar in place. Not long after, the stone “leg” inside the core of the machine vibrated then glowed hot as the sun. Steam billowed out of the joints of the machine as it came to live, its segmented tank treads spreading apart as it swiveled across the cavern floor.

“Huh?!” Iron Will looked over his shoulder with a furrowed brow. “Did Buck Lesnar superplex onto the arena?! Whoah!” He shrieked like a girl as the top-turret of the machine spun around, throwing him off.

Rainbow hovered at the minotaur's side, gazing with a dropped jaw at the mechanical beast writhing in front of them.

The tank treads angled forty-five degrees towards the ceiling while the turret extended fierce mechanical arms. Sparks danced between large claws and drill-bits. On the very top of the turret, Top Dog shouted victoriously into the vehicle's speaker system as the machine loomed in front of the two heroes like a golden praying mantis.

“B-Cubed is online! And you two will be her first test subjects!”

Rainbow squinted. “'B-Cubed?'”

“Yes!” Top Dog howled, grinning from his cockpit. “The Big Bitchin' Bitch!” Cl-Clanggg! The vehicle's claws snapped at the air before lunging at the two. “Grovel!”

An immense shadow overwhelmed both minotaur and pegasus alike.

“Iron Will... has soiled himself.”

“Friggin' dodge!” Rainbow Dash's voice cracked as she shoved him away. Both rolled in opposite directions while the mechanical beast slammed its limb into the stone floor between them.

Smasssssh!

Iron Will and Testament

The B-Cubed pivoted about with dramatic speed, grinding the stone surface of the cavern floor up with its tank treads. From inside the core of the vehicle, the stone limb vibrated and strobed with unearthly light.

“Yessss! She speaks to me!” Top Dog's voice rang through the massive speaker system. The mechanical limbs swayed across the room, re-aiming at Rainbow's flopping figure. “The Big Bitchin' Bitch hungers for ponyyyyyy blood! Raaaaugh!” The claws swung again.

Rainbow barely flew out of the way while the impacting limb rained gravel and debris all over her figure. “Mmmmfnnngh—Guh!” She looked up, wincing.

The topmost center of the turret glowed with chaotic energy.

“Well, then!” Lancie popped up out of her satchel and spread his arms. “Looks like Top Dog's got... a leg up on the situation!” He slapped his little stone knee. “Haah haah haah! Ohhhh ho ho ho ho! Whew...” He wiped at an invisible tear. “Sorry, I couldn't help myself.”

“Grrrrrrrrrrr...” Rainbow Dash grabbed the statue and slammed him—antlers first—into the nearest wall. Cliiink! While his stiff body wobbled to a stop, Rainbow stripped of her saddlebag and supplies, tossed her mane, and squatted low on all fours. She faced the tank, nostrils flaring. “BRING IT!”

“I will bury you here under the blood and tears of slaves!” Top Dog rotated his arm about, extended three golden claws, and shoved them in Rainbow's Direction. “And the flatulence of my brothers will be your funeral dirge!”

“Hutt!” Rainbow jumped the swinging limb, galloped up its metal stalk, flapped her wings, and dive-kicked at the cockpit cage. “That all you got you mangy sonuva—”

WHAMMM! An enormous drill slammed into Rainbow's side.

“Ooof!” She flew off, ricocheted off the catwalk, and plummeted towards the rocky floor below. Thud! “Owwwwwwie...” She curled up in a little blue ball. “My squishy parts...”

“What is a pony?!” Top Dog spun the turret around and drove towards her. “Nothing but a miserable pile of cuddles! But enough bark!” He brought both the claws and the drill bit over her. “Have at you! Nnnngh!”

Rainbow winced as she saw the metal limbs sailing down at her aching figure. She hid her muzzle into a pair of bruised forelimbs. “AJ...” a foalish voice whimpered.

Swissssssss! A pair of thick hooves slid into place. CLANG! The metal limbs stopped against a pair of muscular biceps. Iron Will stood over Rainbow Dash, blocking the robotic attack with sheer muscle.

“You... will not... squish pint-size!” Iron Will hollered.

“Ah yes! The labyrinth scum!” Top Dog hissed into the microphone as he tripled the hydraulic motors forcing the limbs down on the minotaur. “You were always the worst slave. Looks like, in a bloody pulpy death, you finally have a use to me!”

“I don't think so, brotha...” Iron Will sweated and heaved, his body buckling under the force of the criss-crossed claws and drill. “No... means... nnnngh... NO!” He shoved the claws back with a vaporous blast of ridiculously masculine energy. ”RAAAAAUGH! HUUUUUUUGE!”

“Wh-What?!” Top Dog flailed in his pilot's seat as the B-Cubed actually slid back from the exchange. “Nothing's impossible! I have chaos on my side!”

“Ruthless Aggression!” Iron Will hollered, the veins showing in his neck. “You wanna ride space mountain!”

“Oh lay an egg, will ya?!” Top Dog thrust forward with the drill.

Iron Will ducked the blow, pointing an angry finger at the cockpit. “YOUUUUUU!” Snorting, he yanked the ring out of his nose, flung it aside, and charged the tank head on. Thud Thud Thud! “Grnnngh!” Taking a running leap, he flew through the air and came down on the top turret with a vicious leg-drop. “Snap into an Iron Will!”

THUDDD!

Rainbow Dash winced, being rolled back by a virtual blast wave. She bumped up against the wall, staring with twitching eyes as sparks and chunks of metal shrapnel flew.

“Whoah...”

“I know, right?” Lancie sputtered from where he struggled to dislodge himself from the wall. “I swear, that impact alone produced rainbows...”

Top Doggin' It Up

Ten seconds later, Iron Will's nose ring was still spinning like a top. At last, it came to a rattling stop across the cavern floor.

Silence.

The dust settled.

Rainbow Dash twitched. She sat up from where she had flung her body onto the ground with wings spread. Her forelimbs were wrapped around Lancie, having dove on the statue and hugged it to her chest in a protective gesture.

“Wow...” The statue sputtered. “Smells like rust and sweaty linens...”

“I know.” Rainbow nodded, coughed, and waved some of the dust away from her muzzle. “Something must have exploded with that last impact.”

“No, I was talking about your chest.” Lancie smirked. “What is it that makes pony fuzz so strangely fragrant?”

“Ugh...” Rainbow rolled her eyes and stabbed Lancie upside down into the ground like a tent peg. She spun around. “Mr. Iron Will?”

More silence.

She trotted towards the cloudy mess on petite hooves.

“Mr. Iron Will? Didja kill it? I mean... did you smash it up good enough for Top Dog to call it quits?”

“NEVERRRRR!”

There was a fierce slapping sound, and Iron Will's body flew past Rainbow Dash with a prolonged yelp.

Thuddd! A mechanical arm dug into the earth just a few feet in front of the wincing pegasus.

“The Big Bitchin' Bitch is never defeated!” The dust cloud dissipated in time for Rainbow to see the battered tank pulling itself upright. The top turret twitched all over with sparks, but it was still somehow operating. Inside the cockpit, the canine pilot wiped blood off his chin and grinned through the translucent metal webbing. “Not so long as I have pure unbridled chaos on my side!”

Rainbow blinked. Her eyes darted towards the top of the turret. She saw the surprisingly fragile-looking glass canister that contained the glowing granite leg. “Thanks for the little hint, big boss!” She flapped her wings and soared towards the back of the mech. “You can kiss your chaotic power streak goodbye—”

WHANGGG! A dormant drill slammed Rainbow in the side.

“Not today!”

Rainbow flew upwards and slumped over the railing of the catwalk. “Ooof!” She dangled there, wincing.

“I am the lightning and the storm!” With a metallic clack-a-clacking, the drill opened up like an iron flower. “Also fire hydrants!” Inside the expanding drill, a sparkling rod extended like a deadling stinger. “Behold the might of not only Big Bitchin' Bitch! But Big Bitchin' Bitch Ray!”

Vrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

A voice sputtered from the floor. “Iron Will... kaff kaff... d-does not like the sound of that.”

Rainbow Dash found herself staring down into a bright golden light. “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh sh—”

“Burn to a mangy pegasus crisp! But mostly die!” Top Dog flung a switch, and the sparkling rod discharged a solid beam of golden energy.

Rainbow Dash kick-flipped off the railing and dove down. The laser instantly melted the catwalk, then carved a deep gash through the ceiling as it traced after Rainbow.

Sweating, seething, Rainbow arced through the air. She glanced out her twitching peripheral to see the tank's turret spinning to match her movement. Within seconds, the golden beam would overtake her. Looking to her left, Rainbow spotted several large steam tanks.

“Httt!” With a grunt, she backflipped and flew daringly in the opposite direction. The ends of her feathers curled as she barely skirted past the beam and its hotter-than-the-Sun energy.

“Haah! So quick to give up?!” Top Dog jerked the controls so that the beam followed Rainbow. “You came to the right place, ponnnnny! I'm going to bury your bones so deep that not even the decay of time itself can unearth—”

Rainbow hopped onto a tank, stood on it sideways, counted two seconds, and leapt off just as the beam struck.

KAPOWWWWWWW!

The steam tanks exploded, flooding that entire half of the cavern with red-hot mist and shrapnel.

“BARK!” Top Dog reeled from the blow. His tank did the same. The B-Cubed tilted back, its tank treads forced off the ground. Then, in a metallic groan, it fell hard to the floor. WHUD!

Through the spreading mists, Rainbow Dash dove, then perched on the side of the overturned craft. She gripped the glass canister that held the other shard of Lancie and pulled with all her might.

“Come on... come on...” Rainbow strained and hissed. “Pop loose! You know want to! Just do it!”

“Scrkkkk! Well well well... somepony wants my little secret!”

“Nnngh!” Rainbow turned her head from what she was doing and spat. “Quit talking smack! I just owned you!”

“Really, though. If the pony wants pure chaos so much...” Top Dog reached at his controls and pulled a switch. “She can have it!”

Whirrrrrrrrr! The jar right beneath Rainbow Dash vibrated.

“Huh?” She looked straight at it and immediately wished that she hadn't. With a blinding flash, the legpiece inside overloaded. She felt waves of hectic energy surging into her body, and she flew back as if from a kick to the gut. “Gaaaaaah!”

The world spun. The mists split down the center. She heard the bellicose laughter of Top Dog whirling around her head. Then, when she struck the wall on the other side, there was a flash of light—verdant green with red speckled orchards—and all went dark.

That Caged In Feeling

“Rainbow...”

With a gasp, she glanced left and right. Thundercloud stretched before her ruby eyes as far as the pegasus could see.

“Applejack?!” she stammered.

Once more, a faint voice drifted along the trailing darkness.

“Rainbow...”

She tried flapping her wings, but nothing she did could accelerate her movement. She simply drifted forward like a limp feather carried aloft in a dull breeze.

“Applejack! I-I'm right here! Stay where you are! I just gotta...” She writhed and squirmed. “Nnngh! Why are my leg useless?! Zecora gave me a full dose! They should be working! They should be—”

“Why do ya keep runnin', sugarcube?”

“H-huh?!” Rainbow Dash looked around. The jagged rooftops of Canterlot loomed at awkward angles. The moon rose and fell in a blink. “Applejack, what do you mean?! I'm not running! I just... just...”

“Just what, darlin'?”

She gritted her teeth. “I can't sit still in a world where there's still a chance I could... I-I could win you...” She clutched her skull and stared down at the jagged streets and alleyways, seething. “Nnnngh... th-there's just so much I gotta do. So much I have to prove. I wish you could understand. I wish I-I could tell you everything... sh-show you everything. But I can't. I don't... I-I don't deserve...”

“Happiness?” a voice drawled right in her ear.

Rainbow Dash looked up. Her pupils shrank as a pair of orange forelimbs hugged her tight.

“Darlin', don't you realize...?” Applejack's warm breath murmured against her ears as the farm filly nuzzled her close. “There ain't no joy in buckin' the tree whose apples will never fall.”

Rainbow Dash sniffed. “AJ... I-I'm the one who's falling.” She clenched her eyes shut and reached both hooves forward. “I just keep wishing... k-keep hoping that someday you'll be the one to catch me...”

“Hmmmmm...” Lancie's voice breathed in a dull tone. “How interesting it is to be pulled constantly in one direction.”

“H-huh?!” Rainbow felt Applejack's arms and body crumbling like dust. She opened her eyes and stifled a shriek, for her forelimbs were covered with white ash. She looked ahead. Her body was sailing towards a jagged serpent statue standing in the center of a garden maze.

“It's like gravity is forever against you,” Lancie's voice purred. “In this life and the next.”

Whud! Rainbow slammed against the statue. She fell back on her haunches, wincing. When her vision returned, she gasped. Five piles of pale sediment surrounded her on all sides. She sensed a dark shadow and glanced up. The statue was falling over her, only this time—instead of Lancie—it was a contorted pegasus bearing the same antlers and wings.

Smasssh! Upon the crushing impact, Rainbow Dash looked into a field of mirrors, and before the various barricades shattered, she witnessed an enormous reflection of eyes—billowing like red flame against a yellow sea.

“Aaaaaugh!” Rainbow Dash sat up, drenched in cold sweat. She saw bars and more bars. Pale lanternlight flickered against her quivering muzzle.

“She's awake...”

“Poor thing...”

“How long was she tossing and turning for?”

“What... wh-what the buck... what the fr-friggin' buck was th-that...?” Rainbow heard herself mumur. She brought a hoof to her forehead, somehow surprised that she wasn't bleeding from there. She gritted her teeth, eyes darting left and right across the corners of a wooden cage. “Where... wh-where am I?”

That's when she became aware of cloven hooves patting her reassuringly on the shoulder.

“Gaaaie!” She hopped up to her hooves, spinning around with a snarl.

Several deer, two goats, and an elk backed up, waving their forelimbs harmlessly.

“Whoahhhh... whoah there, lady...”

“We're not the bad guys... even if we smell terrible...”

“The shape they brought you in, we're surprised you can even stand up in one piece!”

“They... br-brought me in...?” Rainbow Dash blinked. She rolled her eyes and face-hoofed... hard. Smack! “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh! I royally bucked it up, didn't I?”

“Huh...?”

“Iron Will and I...” Rainbow sighed. “We made it all the way to Top Dog. We almost had him against the ropes—” She went cross-eyed, shook her head, and restated, “We almost had him beaten! But then the B-Cubed whipped out some death ray thingy and knocked us on our flanks! Darn it! That chaos shard that Top Dog has is making him overpowered! There's gotta be a way to take it out!”

“We appreciate all you've done for us, ma'am, but I'm not sure anything can be done at this point.”

“Yeah...” Another deer nodded. “You were dragged here hours ago by the Diamond Dogs. From what we overheard, Iron Will was captured too.”

“Oh yeah?” Rainbow Dash wearily squinted. “Where'd they take him too?”

“I dunno. But we heard something about Top Dog... erm... w-wanting to 'run some tests.'”

“Ewwww...” Rainbow Dash winced. “Well, here's hoping he's still got his horns intact the next time I see him.”

“Lady, I dunno if you've noticed, but you're not exactly going anywhere anytime soon.”

“Pfft! Nuts to that!” Rainbow Dash took a galloping start. “There's not been a cage made yet that could keep me in one place for long—”

“No! Don't—”

Instead of flying, Rainbow Dash fell flat on her belly. “Ooof!” She winced, struggling to get up. “Guh... wh-what gives?!” She looked back at her sides, only to see that her wings were bound tightly by multiple loops of heavy chains all wrapped around her spine and ribcage. “Awwwwwwww poop. You gotta be kidding me?”

“They spent the better part of an hour putting that on you, Miss,” a ram said. “We tried getting it off ourselves while you were asleep. I'm afraid the thing's bound tight.”

“Meh...” Rainbow Dash kicked at a pebble and pressed her tired muzzle against the bars. “Well this is just great. Without my wings, I'm about half-awesome at best.”

“It's... r-really not that bad once you get used to it.”

“Hmm... what isn't?”

“Working here,” a deer said with a shrug. “Sure, it stings when they whip you and the food could be better, but at least it's cozy and warm down here...” She winced slightly. “Sort of...”

Rainbow turned and squinted over her shoulder. “How long have you been down here that you'd give up that easily?”

Several of the slaves bowed their heads in the lanternlight.

“T-too long,” a buck said.

“Hrmmmm...” Rainbow Dash looked out the bars again. She saw the distant march of canines on patrol. “Friggin' A... I don't even have my darn saddlebag.” She seethed through clenched teeth. “Lancie, wherever you are, I hope you're keeping up your end of the bargain still...”

“Uhm... ma'am?” a pensive elk spoke from the back of the cage. “What's a 'Lancie?'”

“Mmmph... a doorstop,” Rainbow muttered. “And a pretty smelly, annoying one as well.”

I Know Why the Caged Dashie Sings

“The guards aren't that cruel, really,” a ram said with a nervous smile. “They're just... really, really confused.” He gulped. “And they like to speak through lashes.”

“I doubt th-they'd hurt you at all!” an elk said. “You seem fit as a fiddle! I bet you'll get them lots of diamonds!”

“Look...” Rainbow Dash folded her arms, glaring at the group. “I don't dig. I dash. I dash hard.”

“Well, now you can do the same thing! Only... uhm... forty-five degrees down and into solid st-stone!”

“Yeesh...” Rainbow squinted at the group. “Has anypony told you that you've all got Stirrupholme Syndrome bad?”

“It can't be helped, Miss Dash,” a deer said with a sad expression. “We've been down here for far too long to believe in any sort of hope.”

“You've been very brave to help us... b-but you're just one pegasus,” another added. “Even Mr. Iron Will, for all of his charisma—he didn't even stand a chance against all the dogs that run this place.”

“Yeah... speaking of...” Rainbow's muzzle scrunched. “Where'd the big lug go? I was starting to love him just enough to hate him.”

“When they brought you here—with your wings in chains—they said something about 'learning the secrets of the minotaur.'”

“Duh. Any dog can do that. Just flex their muscles and yell reall, really loud.”

“They seemed really serious about it, Miss Dash. Almost as if they want to use him for something more devious than digging for stuff to arm Top Dog's weapon.”

“Look... I've personally tangled with Top Dog's B-Cubed... Mare-oh y Mech-oh. The friggin' dog doesn't really need much else to be overpowered as buck.”

“You don't understand. The Diamond Dogs aren't about killing or destroying. What they ultimately want to do is take control. Why else do you think they spared your life and brought you down here?”

“Yeah, well, if they thought that putting me in chains and throwing me behind bars would tame this wild horse...” Rainbow grinded her hoof while her nostrils flared. “They've got another thing coming.”

“I don't know what it is you're so bent on returning to, Miss Dash, but it isn't worth rubbing these mutts the wrong way anymore than you already have.”

“Look, it ain't about what I wanna return to!” Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth to the breaking point. It's who! Rrrrrr-Haaaaaugh!” She threw her shoulder into the cage's wooden bars.

The nearby slaves quivered in fright—as did the occupants of the next two closest containers. “Wh-what are you doing?!”

“What does it look like?!” Rainbow Dash rammed and rammed and rammed the bars again. “I'm being righteously indignant!”

“Well, could you be less righteously indignant so close to us?!”

“You don't like it?!” Thud! Thud! Thud! “Get your own cage!”

“Miss Dash! Please! Will you at least—” The slave's words trailed off. She and the others quivered in their cloven hooves. “Oh no! Oh no oh no oh no oh no! Somedog's coming!”

“You can hear 'em?!” Rainbow asked.

“That smell!” The prisoners retreated to the back of the cave, shivering. “Oh jeez! You've done it now! We're all going to be punished for the racket!”

“Yeah, well, they're going to have to whip and mangle their way through me first!” Rainbow Dash gripped the bars and shook with all her might. “Hey! Ya fleabags! Lemme out of here! I've got a dinner reservation with your front teeth at buttkick'o'clock sharp! Now get your tails over here and fight like the real pussies you are!”

“Uhm...” A deer tapped Rainbow on the shoulder. “I believe that p-pun works better with felines—”

“Shhhh!” Rainbow hissed back at them, frowning. “You're all ruining my sass!”

Just then, a tiny shadow crept up to the bars.

Rainbow spun around, snarling. “Raaaaugh! That's right! Lemme out so I can rearrange your—” She blinked, her jaw dropping. “—pizza?”

Autumn Rush stood, shivering under the buzz of flies.

“Whoah... girl...” Rainbow smiled against the bars. “You're in one piece! Did you hide out all this time and—?” Suddenly, she winced. “Gaaah! Pewwww-weeee! Whose buttcrack did you crawl out of?”

“Shhhh...” Autumn Rush leaned forward. “I haven't much time! You want out of here?”

“Does the alphabet begin with a horseshoe?!”

“I f-found something that you may want. It wasn't easy, though...” That said, she dangled a cluster of prison door keys before Rainbow's muzzle.

Rainbow blinked. “When... where... h-how?”

“When? About an hour or two ago when one of the guards wandered off on his break. Where? Down by the cesspool where the dog squatted to do his business. How?” She shuddered, then sighed. “Let's just say that it probably explains the smell...”

Grin and Deer It

“The way I see it,” Autumn Rush said while daintily girl-stepping down the tunnel. “Top Dog is a slightly more evolved version of bipedal canines, and all the ones who answer to his call are on a lower rung of the biological scale.”

“Or perhaps, y'know, they're all just imbeciles.” Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and turned around. “How's everyone doing back there?!”

No less than eight dozen hobbling quadrupeds murmured and nodded back. The massive procession crept along as swiftly as they could passing corridors and chambers and tunnels a'plenty.

“Good! Just keep following us! Everything's gonna be coolie crispies!” Rainbow smiled, then spun to face forward.

“Do you... uh... know where we're going?” Autumn Rush asked.

“I've no friggin' clue,” Rainbow muttered under her frozen grin. Her ruby eyes darted aside. “You've been back and forth to the surface. Don't you know which turns we should be making to get up there?”

“I'm sorry, Miss Dash.” Autumn gulped. “I was a teensy bit busy passing out from being worked to death.”

“Who'd a figured you would be so miserable at being miserable?” Rainbow sighed, her ears folded. “It's alright, though. I'll think of something. I always think of something.”

“Oh...?”

“Well, okay, so maybe I just smash stuff and eventually fate thinks itself up a solution.”

“At the risk of sounding like a broken record, Miss Dash—but what exactly are you doing down here?”

“Hmmm? I said it before. I'm looking for an enchanted shard,” Rainbow said. “And I found it...” She sighed. “Top Dog's using it for the same friggin' machine that owned me like a junkyard mule.”

“I don't believe that for one second.”

“So what? He did! Man, could that drill bit whallop the heck outta—”

“No, I mean I don't believe that this is all about the shard.” Autumn Rush glanced back at the procession of prisoners, then back up at the pegasus. “Why would you go so far out of your way to protect all of us if there was only one thing you wanted from this place?”

“Look, girl, not everybody in the world is a selfish jerkenstein who wants to take advantage of you.”

“Huh?”

Rainbow Dash smirked at her. “I'm not a fan of bullies, y'hear? What's been happening to you and your pals in this place is super rotten, and I won't stand for it continuing.” She shrugged in mid-flight. “Let's just say that the shard's something of a fringe benefit at this point.”

“Alright...” Autumn Rush nodded.

“What, you don't believe me?”

The deer smiled faintly. “I believe your loyalty betrays your guile, Miss Dash.”

“Hrmmmf...” The pegasus sighed out her nostrils. “Story of my friggin' life.”

“Answer me this. Are all ponies as small and lithe as you?”

“The friggin' heck is that supposed to mean?”

“It's just a bit remarkable that somepony so petite could kick so much flank, is all.”

“Yeah, well...” Rainbow Dash glanced down at her legs. She flexed and unflexed her hooves. There was no numbness, much to her relief. “There's more here than meets the eye.”

“Perhaps that's what Iron Will saw in you.”

Just then, with a rattle of armor, a guard shuffled in from an adjacent corridor. “Work work work...” He paused, glancing over and blinking at the massive crowd. “Woof?”

Rainbow flew in. She slammed a hoof into his gut, uppercutted him, swung behind his reeling backside, grabbed his waist with two forelimbs, and then suplex'd him hard into a crumbling stalacmite. Kipping up onto all fours, she flapped her wings and casually looked Autumn's way. “You were saying?”

“Just that Iron Will knew that there was potential in you, otherwise the minotaur wouldn't have left his cage to help you out in the first place.” Autumn awkwardly stepped over the unconscious dog and continued walking. “Not many of us have a clue as to who you are, Miss Dash, but we do know Iron Will. The moment he chose to lend you a hoof... well...”

“Well what?”

Autumn Rush smiled slightly. “It gave us hope.”

“Oh really...”

“I know it may not seem like it, what with our complacent we all seem,” she said with a slight chuckle. “But it's made a world of a difference. Believe me.”

“Hmmm...” Rainbow Dash rubbed her chin, gazing down the adjacent tunnels in thought.

“What is it?”

“Just thinking... hope needs to hope in itself for once.” Her wings flapped harder. “Autumn. You think you can lead this group down this tunnel on your own?”

“Uhm... I-I guess?”

“Good. I need to fly on ahead.”

“Intend to scout out?”

“Sorry. But that's your job for the time being.”

“Huh?”

“I need to find the big lug.”

“You mean Iron Will?”

“No, Stephen Magnet. Who do you think?!” Rainbow Dash smirked. “It's clear to me that he's the one dude here who's actually dealing with a threat, and I owe it to him to get him free.”

“Well... I'm certainly not going to argue with that.” Autumn gulped. “You think you can find him on your own?”

“Not like I've got much of a choice,” Rainbow said. She paused to squint down at the doe. “Unless, of course, you and your friends have stumbled upon an animated little serpent statue with antlers and a sassy attitude?”

“Uhhhhhh... what?”

“Yeah. Didn't think so.” Rainbow Dash held a hoof up as she floated backwards. “Live long and canter.” Spinning about, she shot down the nearest tunnel she could, breaking away from the group as she began a feverish search through the labyrinthine depths of the place.

Dashgeneration X

“Let's see...” Rainbow Dash glanced left and right. The yawning caverns of the Diamond Dog undercity stretched beneath her. Dozens upon hundreds of tunnels loomed in every conceivable direction. “If I was deviously torturing a minotaur to satisfy my own ego, just where would I be doing it?”

She came to a lone hover beneath a throng of stalactites.

“And just where are all the dogs, anyways?” Her fuzzy blue forehead furrowed. “Not that I'm complaining, but I coulda sworn Autumn said this place was a city of thousands...”

Her eyelids fluttered... then fluttered again. She realized it was because moisture was tickling her eyelashes. Scrunching her muzzle, Rainbow Dash twirled around, looking for the source of the mist in the air. At last, she saw a cloud of steam venting from a lone tunnel towards her lower right.

Curious, she instantly dove for it, threading her way into the narrow passage and gliding against the waves of fog. At last, when she came out the other side, she froze in place—struck with an air of familiarity.

“I've seen those boilers before...” Rainbow Dash rubbed her chin, then spotted the edge of an enormous cavern beyond. “Ha!” Beating her wings, Rainbow soared ahead, skimming close to the ceiling so as not to be seen by any passing canines.

When at last she arrived at the location of her most recent battle, she found a vast chamber empty of all things—the least of which was an oversized mech piloted by a powermongering dog.

“Shoot!” she cracked forth. Her eyes tiredly followed the path of jagged tank treads in the cracked floor of the room. They led towards what looked like the bottom of a massive, metal-laced vertical shaft. “Of course Top Dog turned tail and ran. For all I know, he's halfway to Saint Fido by now... or whatever in the buck these dogs name their rivals' cities...”

With a prolonged sigh, Rainbow Dash looked aside. In a blink, she spotted a very familiar saddlebag. “Hey! Score!” Swooping down, she landed on petite hooves and scooped the satchel up, examining it. “Seems to be intact. That's good. Boy, what I wouldn't give for some inexplicably useful communications thingy... like a stone that made sounds so I could call in ponies from the world above...”

Just then, a stone talon tapped her on the top of her prismatic head.

Rainbow Dash looked up. “Oh. Hey, Lancie.”

“'Hey' yourself.” The horizontal statue folded his gray arms, frowning from where he remained stuck in the wall by his antlers. “Anypony ever tell you that you're prone to being knocked out cold? Or maybe you're just begging for excuses to fall unconscious just so you can dream of freckles and cream...”

“Nice to know you're so good at sticking around,” Rainbow said while sliding back into her saddlebag.

“Jee. Thanks. By the way, I watched while the Impound Puppies carried you off like a sack of fuzzy blue meat. Just how in the name of all that's full of holes did you get free once more? Not like I'm interested or anything...”

“A sweet little doe swam through a river of dog poop and robbed the dogs of their rusted keys.”

“Okay. Scratch that. Now I'm interested.”

“I've no time to talk,” Rainbow Dash sputtered.

“And yet you do so to yourself all the time.”

“Hardy har har.” Pluck! Rainbow Dash yanked Lancie so that his antlers unstuck from the cavern wall. “Top Dog and his mutt minions still have Iron Will.”

“So?”

“Sooooo...” Rainbow frowned, glancing all around the steamy lengths of the place. “I owe it to the big lug to get him out of that mess. He saved my neck—like—a dozen times over in the span of a minute.”

“Are you certain? I don't even once remember him tagging you out of the bout.”

“I've gotten the rest of the prisoners out, but there's no way in Tartarus I'm leaving him here to marinate in dog drool. Ya feel me?”

“Ah, yes, the mighty and virtuous Rainbow Dash.” Lancie sat in her saddlebag and folded his arms. “You know—have you ever once thought that if you finally gave up your addiction to loyalty, then your life might finally have room for the one and only love that you pine for?”

Rainbow Dash sighed... then sighed again. “Look. I'm here. Iron Will's here. I'm just this close to saving the day.”

“Are you really, Sparky?”

“I try not to think too hard about it all.”

“Yes, well, that much is certain.”

Rainbow frowned. “Look, if you don't enjoy being a backseat to this sort of stuff, you can just hide out inside the saddlebag and call it a night.”

“Y'know, I could have sworn there was a time when we came here to recover a missing piece of myself, not play the role of pony Sparktacus to a bunch of barnyard animals and a grunting bipedal ox on steroids.”

“Yeah, well, live and learn, Lancie,” Rainbow Dash said as she flapped her wings. “Some things take precedent over others.”

“That's a fancy word—especially for you.”

“What, 'things?'”

“The only precedent here is the need to recover that glowing stone leg inside Top Dog's delightfully adorable machine.”

“Lancie, that adorable machine nearly killed me. I saw my life flash before my eyes and...” Her ears folded. “...it was terribly lonely.”

“Does this spontaneous moment of existential epiphany have a meaning at any point?” Lancie asked, examining the stone pads of his paw.

“Yes. These pieces of you that are spread throughout Equestria?” Rainbow Dash frowned. “They're bad news bears.”

“Does that include crapping in the woods?”

“No, it includes the ability to power up rolling metal death machines and enslave tons of helpless creatures.” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “This is bigger than me...” She sighed. “Bigger than any of the stuff I obsess over.”

Lancie raised a stone eyebrow. “Meaning...?”

“Meaning I have to find all of the pieces before really really really bad things happen to the ponies of Equestria,” Rainbow said. She frowned firmly and slapped one hoof into the crook of another. “At any cost! Owwwie!” She shook her pained hoof, blushing slightly.

“Yeah. Heh. Good luck with that.”

“Aren't you along for the ride, dude?”

“Not if it involves unnecessary leaps of faith to rescue minotaurs in distress.”

“Look, either we do it my way or we don't do it at all!” Rainbow Dash frowned over her shoulder. “Got it?”

“Pffft. If you say so. Iron Will's practically a hood ornament by now.”

“Please...” Rainbow groaned. “Don't be so negative.”

“I wasn't. I was being literal.”

“Buh?”

Lancie smirked. “Your buddy in concussion-making is presently serving as Top Dog's latest trophy. I know this because I saw him—mounted on the B-Cubed—as the monster mech was being rolled away.”

“Rolled away?” Rainbow Dash squinted. “Rolled away where?”

“Well, I couldn't very well see from the crack in the wall where a certain sparky blue pegasus abandoned me!” Lancie cleared his throat and tilted his chin up. “Luckily, though—these ebil and baddddd shards that you're monologuing about? I can still totally sense them.”

“Okaaaaaaaaay...” Rainbow Dash squinted. “And just where are you totally sensing the energy core of the B-Cubed right now?”

Lancie smirked, then slowly pointed a talon straight up.

Rainbow Dash followed the path of his stone finger. Blinking, she glanced over at the metal shaft at the far end of the cavern. Holding her breath, she flapped her wings and soared over, clasping onto the metal spokes and climbing her way up. As she ascended the shaft, her ears twitched, for she heard a massive roar of thundering barks and woofs and ruffs. A crowd lingered in a large cavern directly above, and over the uproarious crowd she heard one voice standing out above the rest.

“Top Dog...” She murmured to herself.

“Seriously...” Lancie yawned and leaned back casually in her satchel. “Who books this crap?”

Grand Theft Bitchin'

“No longer shall we wag our tails to the tune of the opposing clans!” Top Dog continued to bellow while Rainbow Dash snuck beneath the attention of the dense crowd of canines. “With the Big Bitchin' Bitch, we'll take what is rightfully ours! Every rock, every jewel, every precious ruby shall belong to Top Dog! And... uhm... his fellow pups, of course.”

“Big! Bitchin'! Bitch! Big! Bitchin'! Bitch!”

“Yes yes. I know you all love to shout. Carry on, dear brothers. Fate has decided that I do the heavy thinking for the lot of us, and finally we are being rewarded.”

Rainbow Dash reached the B-Cubed. She took a deep breath, then swiftly shimmied up the golden tank treads of the craft. She hid in a niche of dormant mechanical joints just behind Top Dog, pausing to catch her breath and wipe the sweat from her brow.

“Now, I know that there are many creatures across this landscape who think we don't deserve to ascend the evolutionary food chain! There are scientists and scholars who insist that the Diamond Dogs are an inferior species, incapable of higher thought and reason! And are they right?!”

The crowd went silent, save for a few random burps, belches, and snoring sounds.

Top Dog sighed. “Well... yes... somewhat. Which is why it's such a good thing that I, Top Dog, was born with such accidental genius! And thanks to the shard that powers the B-Cubed, I have the ultimate cure for natural selection!” He leaned in and patted the metal arm that housed the vehicle's drill. “By utterly slaughtering everything else that exists on our level! Ha! Why wait for evolution when you can just murder your way to the top?!”

Dead silence.

“Ahem. Now's the time when you cheer.”

“Hoooray!”

“Woooo!”

“Bark!”

Rainbow Dash crept her way out of the little niche and approached the front of the tank. A few more feet, and she'd be within hoof-reach of Iron Will's horns. However, she suddenly froze in place, fidgeting.

“What's the matter?” Lancie sputtered, leaning his antler'd head out from her satchel. “He's what you came for, isn't he?”

“Yeah...”

“Then slip the big sack of meat out from the chains and be done with it!”

“I... can't...”

“What, you chickening out?”

Rainbow frowned. “The guy's out like a light! And besides...” She waved a hoof at the massive crowd surrounding the vehicle she was perched on. “There's no way they won't see me trying to escape with a four hundred pound minotaur being dragged by his tail!”

“The dude has a tail?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Sorry, Sparky, but at this point you're beyond me. And that's saying something.”

“There's gotta be another way.”

“I'd say just go for it. These dogs are total idiots, remember?”

“Lancie, there are—like—a hoofball stadium's worth of canines out there. Statistically, they're gonna tell something's up.”

“Well fine. Pffft. Shoot down every affirmative suggestion I've got to give!”

“Oh please, don't be that way...”

“You know, sometimes you just gotta run with chaos and see what fate deals you.”

“Run with chaos...” Rainbow Dash glanced at the sparkling case containing the granite legpiece. “Hmmmm...” She turned and looked at the vehicle's cockpit. “...right.”

“But nooooo.” Lancie was folding his stone arms, pouting in the pegasus' saddlebag. “You've gotta be all about harmony, adventure, and freckle-licking. I swear, it's always one trot forward, three trots back with you.” He blinked suddenly, realizing that they were both moving swiftly. “Uhhh... where are we going?”

Meanwhile, Top Dog was waving his arms, pumping a fisted paw before the group. “Now begins the mission that the B-Cubed was built for! The other clans' days are numbered! We shall build tunnels of death and doom to their homes and fill their dens with blood! Then all will become one city—our city! And the ponies and buffalo and griffons of the surface world will become our slaves! Before you know it, all will serve under the masterful sneer of—”

The cockpit cage snapped to a shut behind him.

The leader spun around, blinking blankly. “—Top Dog?”

Several canines stirred and whimpered confusedly.

“What the...?” Top Dog raised his shades and squinted.

A blue shape stirred from inside the cockpit.

“Hey... Hey!” Top Dog stepped forward and kicked at the mesh cage. “Get out of there right this second! Who authorized you to use the Big Bitchin—”

Vrmmmmmmmm! The engine roared to life, and the two massive arms of the thing swung over Top Dog's head.

His face paled while his tail curled up between his legs. “...Bitch.”

WHAM! The drill knocked him to the side of the turret. Then, with clack-a-clacking controls, the pegasus inside the machine hurled the vehicle forward. The air of the cavern instantly filled with the flinging bodies of yipping/barking dogs as Rainbow tore a path across the floor on merciless tank treads.

“Okay! I change everything I said!” Lancie shouted against the hum of the engine as he gripped tight to the flouncing saddlebag. He grinned from ear to ear. “You're all right, Sparky! This is the start of a beautiful relationship—”

“Shhhh!” Rainbow hissed and swung a lever. She gritted her teeth. “Dogs.”

The B-Cubed swung its arm, and three dozen yelping canines flew across the cavern, slamming against the wall while their brothers scampered off in opposite directions below.

One Track Mare

“Oh Fluttershy...” Rainbow Dash held her breath, swinging two levers in alternating thrusts as more and more yelping canines flew from the B-Cube's punishing lunge. “Wherever you are, whatever you may or may not be doing to Big Macintosh's freckled flesh, I do hope you forgive me for all of this.”

A throng of dogs charged at Rainbow Dash's left side. She spun the turret around in a three-hundred-and-sixty degree swath, knocking a dozen brutes across the room all at once. They flew into an array of steam pipes, popping the sockets loose and spilling fog across half of the chamber.

“Haaah! Hahaha...” Rainbow giggled devilishly. “Okay, everything except for that, Fluttershy. That was kinda awesome.”

“Uhhh...” Lancie popped out of her saddlebag and spoke beneath the rattle of the claustrophobic piloting chamber. “Who is this deity to whom you are speaking and do I have to pay tithe to participate myself?”

“Oh, she's no goddess, even though she's got the mane of one—Whoa boy!” Rainbow Dash flinched, spotting a pair of dogs on a catwalk above, tossing bombs down at her. She swung the drill bit of the B-Cubed, smacking the explosives back. The dogs shrieked and jumped in opposite directions. The catwalk exploded, raining metal and chunks of rock down onto the track ahead of the vehicle. The golden craft simply rolled over the debris, crunching it to shillings and dust. “Hah! Okay, a mare could get used to this...”

“I do believe I was wrong about you,” Lancie said with a smirk as more and more canines howled in terror around their rampaging vehicle. “Maybe you are a true creature of chaos.”

“Pffft. This isn't chaos.” Rainbow shrugged as she jerked more at the controls. “This is... 'cruising assertively.'”

She punched a button.

The drill shot out of one of the turret's arms and exploded a patch of burning barrels, sending more dogs sprawling painfully across the floor.

Lancie squinted at Rainbow while she gulped. “Really... really assertively,” she said with a cracking voice.

“I think we both know that these smelly underlings religiously deserved this,” Lancie said, leaning back casually on crossed arms. “Let's leave it at that, huh?”

“Yeah, sure.” Rainbow Dash nodded, then looked ahead. “Oh, look. A wall.”

SMASSSSSSSH! There was a wall. Now, there was a crumbling chunk of battered rocks and pebbles.

“Whoah-ho-ho-ho!” Rainbow Dash jolted back and forth, breathless. “That was awesome! Can I do that again?” She swung the drill forward and repeated the previous motions. SMASSSH! The wall gave in a bit more. “Killer! I totally can do that again!”

“Uhm... what exactly is the doing that you have committed again?”

“Just what this crazy thing was built for, I bet,” Rainbow shouted above the noise and screams. “Just call me the Tunnel Maker 3000.”

“Uhm. No.”

“Suit yourself.” Rainbow Dash shoved every lever that she could see forward. “Screw you, earth!”

CRUNNNNCH! The B-Cubed effortlessly bore its way into the wall, smashing from one large cavern into another. Catwalks, partitions, steam pipes, and a boundless array of canine living quarters collapsed all in one go. Within seconds, the big golden tank was plowing its way through chamber after chamber, driving a huge gash through the heart of the canine city.

“Hah!” Rainbow Dash sputtered through the dust as it bled into the rattling pilot's chamber. “Bet I could drill all the way to Tartarus if I wanted to!”

“Hey!” Lancie snapped.

“Heh... just kidding, dude. Hey, can you see Iron Will from here?”

“Uhhhh...” Lancie perched atop her mane and squinted through the porous webbed cage. “Is it the big blue lump that's covered all over with dust and sand?”

“Yeah, but is that lump still breathing?”

“Looks like it from here.”

“Cool beans!” Rainbow Dash held her breath and jerked the controls again. “Onward with the smashing!”

The Mane Event

“Unnngh...” Top Dog twitched, writhed, and stirred. He sat up, only to be clonked hard over the head with a randomly falling rock. “Bark!” he yelped, then rubbed his skull. Snarling, he looked up and around to see that the B-Cubed that he was lying on was on a runaway path of destruction. His angered expression eventually flew to the cockpit.

“Hey Lancie!” a blue figure's voice cracked from within the metal cage. “Check this out!” The pegasus jerked at the controls, and the top turret spun around, its metal arms slashing at rock and stalactites in a twirling fashion. “I can turn this thing into the Ballerina of Ragneighrak! Heh... bet Rarity would have gotten a kick out of that!”

With a hiss, Top Dog reached to his bandolier and struck the button of a remote.

The metal cage to the cockpit popped open with a spray of steam.

“Buh?” Rainbow Dash glanced up. POW! The seat ejected, shooting her like a blue bullet straight up towards the crumbling ceiling of the cavern. “Waaaaaiiiieee!” She miraculously flipped in the air and evened out on gliding wings. As she flew back down towards the B-Cubed's turret, Top Dog's massive fist was waiting.

“Rrrrrrrrgh!” The canine swung.

WHAM!

“Ooof!” Rainbow Dash toppled back and collapsed over the lower portion of the golden vehicle. She tried to sit up—only for a mangy creature to pounce on her fuzzy cheest. “Grkkk!”

Top Dog yanked her head up by her mane and aimed his fist at her muzzle. “You prancing little pony scum! Look what you've done to my beautiful device!” He hissed, “Did you actually think you had what it took to outsmart Top Dog—?!” CLANG! The outstretched metal arm of the craft walloped him on the back of the head during its turn. “Ooof!” He fell to the metal surface beside Rainbow Dash.

“Hahahahahahaha!” Rainbow Dash stood up, sneering down at his pained figure. “Serves you right, ya coconut headed plot sniffer—” CLANG! The second hand swung and clipped Rainbow's skull. “Ouch!”

She flew down onto his chest. Top Dog gasped and grabbed her shoulders. Rainbow grunted and kneed him in the groin. The canine wheezed as he rolled over. The two wrestled and grappled their way across the bottom part of the runaway vehicle as it smashed through wall after stone wall, showering them with dust and pebbles.

At last, the two rolled onto one of the tank treads—which violently rolled them towards the front of the craft. Top Dog panicked and kicked Rainbow Dash's figure with all his might.

“Gnnngh!” Rainbow flew up, twirled agilely through two falling boulders, and grabbed onto the joint of a swinging metal limb.

Top Dog stood up—only to be pummeled milliseconds later by Rainbow Dash as she swung back into his figure. The two toppled onto the center of the craft, then stood up at once—only to have to duck as the drill swung around this time, smashing a chunk of earth out of the gritty wall blurring right by them. Once the debris cleared, they charged each other, exchanging angry punches and bucks.

In the meantime, beneath the quivering shadow of their angry struggle, a dazed minotaur gradually twitched awake. “Mmmmfnnnghh...” One eye opened after the other. “Iron Will doesn't remember slipping a coin into the hotel room bed.” He blinked, staring at the exploding walls of debris all around him. “Whoah! Iron Will did not smell these rocks cooking!” He heard a meaty impact, then looked up in time to see a yelping blue figure soaring over him.

“Guhhh!” Rainbow Dash's rear legs hooked over his horns. She dangled precariously off the bound minotaur's cranium, upside down, her tail in his face. “H-hey!” she spat up saliva and blood as the underground world shattered around them. “You're awake! Cool!”

“Mmfmmffmmff!” Iron Will spat out a few prismatic strands like cat hairs. “Iron Will doesn't remember asking for the stink face!”

“Uh. Yeah. Hold onto that thought.” Then, with a concentrated snarl, Rainbow Dash pulled herself up by her lower leg muscles and delivered a hoof across Top Dog's face. She leapt off Iron Will's horn and pounced on the canine as the two went sprawling across the rumbling body of the B-Cubed.

“The pony has ruined everything!” Top Dog hissed, his shades having cracked down the center. “This did not have to involve the sun horse's kingdom!”

“Bite your tongue!” Rainbow growled, wrestling with his limbs. “I heard your villainous monologue! You want to put everything that isn't you in the proverbial doghouse!”

“Well, maybe the world deserves to be topped by this dog!”

“Yeesh! Is everything a bad promo to you?!” Rainbow Dash knee'd him in the chest and swung her right forelimb's elbow across his chin.

“Aaaugh! Grrrr-raaaaugh!” Top Dog flipped her up and off of him.

Rainbow Dash grabbed the first thing she could—which turned out to be the drill of the B-Cubed's swinging arm.

With a bloody smirk, Top Dog tapped a button on the control attached to his bandolier.

The drill began spinning and—by virtue of being attached to it—so did Rainbow.

“Whoah! Whoah! Whoah-whoah-whoah-whoah-woah!” Rainbow swiftly became a horizontal blue blur.

“Heheheheh...” Top Dog stood up, cracking the joints in his neck as he then remotely aimed the drill-arm towards the next wall of the cavern they were barreling through. “Face it, pony. You were destined to become rainbow paste...”

Iron Will caught this out the side of his vision. Gritting his teeth, he flexed his biceps and struggled against the chains. “Come on, Iron Will... Iron it up!” Veins popped in his neck as he hissed and fought his restraints. “Rrrrggghhhh—Time... to tag in...”

Top Dog let loose a wheezing laugh as he aimed the drill straight towards the wall. Just then, the weight of the B-Cubed shifted. Blinking, he looked at a muscular figure bounding towards him. “Oh no...”

“Oh yeahhhh!” Iron Will gave him a fist full of minotaur. WHUD!

Top Dog fell to the surface of the tank. His bandolier rattled.

With a click of the remote, the drill stopped spinning. Rainbow Dash was launched off the thing like a missile. “Whoahhhh—”

Iron Will stood above Top Dog, flexing his muscles and smirking despite his multiple bruises. “Ya feel that righteous teeth crusher?! Ohhhhh whatcha gonna do when—” Rainbow figure ricocheted off his shoulders. “Augh! Iron Will Damn It!”

All three combatants went sprawling across the vehicle. Meanwhile, Top Dog's remote got caught in the tire treads. It rolled down the front of the craft, shattering completely under the machine's golden weight. As a result, the entire vehicle went haywire, jerking back and forth in a zig-zag pattern that sent it sprawling through wooden bridges, splashing aqueducts, and multiple mining caverns.

Curtain Call

Iron Will was the first to get up, using Top Dog's body as a springboard. “Graaugh! Round Two, hydrant licker! Iron Will's gonna send you chasing horse carriages in the afterlife!”

With a hiss, Top Dog batted his arms away and pounced on him. The two grappled and struggled along the front of the craft, where the exploding clouds of stone and dirt were the densest. Despite the repeated blasts of vaporized earth, the two stood tall, throwing their weights mercilessly into one another.

“You've ruined everything!” Top Dog snarled. “Everything I have worked for!”

“You tried to throw Iron Will in chains!” the minotaur retorted. His nostrils snorted. “Twice!”

“If nothing else, servanthood would have improved your miserable idiotic life!”

“Iron Will was fine with the idiocy if it meant drawing in the clouds!”

“That's it! I'm carving your horns into food bowls!”

“The mangy creep is... grrnnngh... welcome to try Iron Will on!”

While all of this continued in the background, Rainbow Dash stirred to life. “Unnngh...” The first thing she saw as she picked herself up was the flickering pulse of the glass canister behind the cockpit. “The chaos shard...” On twitching limbs, she scurried over towards where the stone legpiece sparkled in its containment. She tried grasping it with two hooves, but received a zap of energy as a reward. “Aaaugh! Luna's nipple!”

Lancie stuck his head out of her saddlebag. “You've got a vivid imagination.”

“This thing is impossible to get out!” she sputtered through a cracking voice.

“Well, maybe you're just not trying hard enough.”

“Lancie.” Rainbow Dash frowned, gesturing at the tunnel being violently carved all around them and the zig-zagging vehicle. “Take a good look around you! Where have I not tried in the least, huh?”

“No, this? This is just you being natural.” He smirked, reclining against her. “I rather like it, actually.”

“Come on... come on, girl. Think. Think.” Rainbow Dash looked all around. “There's gotta be a way to stop this crazy thing!”

“Hey, it can't be helped, Sparky.” Lancie examined the talons of his appendage. “When the wheels of chaos start rolling, it's all a delightfully downhill ride from here.”

“We're so close to the other piece of you!” She frowned at him. “Can't you—I dunno—absorb your past self and knock this vehicle out of commission?”

“It doesn't work that way. Remember?”

Rainbow Dash suffered a massive jolt. She grabbed onto a cleft of metal and held on for dear life as chunks of rocks splattered all around her. “N-no?!”

“Hmmmph. I've got to make physical contact with the thing. And until I do, I'm about as useful to you as a garden shovel.”

Rainbow Dash clenched her teeth. “You don't say?” She snatched Lancie lengthwise.

Lancie's stone eyes bulged. “What in the fuzz are you doing—ulp!”

Rainbow Dash stood on her hind quarters above the canister, gripping Lancie by the neck and stabbing him down like a jagged spade. “Using you like the tool that you are!” Whack! Cracks formed in the surface of the canister. “A foreign object! Rrrghh!” She swung again... and again and again and again. Whack! Smack! Crack!

Spiderwebbing fissures formed all along the container. The sparkling beams of chaotic energy doubled, tripled, quadrupled. A few blinks later, the tube exploded completely. Rainbow Dash clutched Lancie's dizzy body to her chest and dove to the rear of the vehicle as the energy blast erupted as high as the ceiling. The motors and servos of the craft rumbled while smoke issued out of every crevice. Still, with the reserve steam afforded by the vehicle, the B-Cubed smashed through one last wall.

Crunnnnch!

The tank treads carried it into a broad chamber... and towards a line of flinching prisoners attempting their escape.

Several shrieked and ducked away from the vessel. At the front, Autumn Rush stared with wide doe-eyes.

“OhcraphOhcrapOhcrap!” Rainbow Dash hissed and panicked. She looked down to see that the stone leg inside the canister was exposed. Reaching down with Lancie, she used the living statue's antlers as a fork and swiftly flung the glowy shard out from its hold. It rattled to a stop along the edge of the tank treads.

In the meantime, completely robbed of its fuel source, the B-Cubed screeched to a wobbly halt. It stopped just inches before it could run over Autumn Rush and the rest of the emaciated escapees.

The stalling of the vehicle's massive weight sent Iron Will and Top Dog flying forward. The two muscular creatures smashed through a wagon full of wooden boxes. The air rattled with metal-on-metal mayhem. Iron Will was the first to get up. As he did so, the world around him came back into focus, and he saw the contents of the smashed crates: oodles upon oodles of steel folding chairs. The minotaur blinked... then wickedly smiled.

Top Dog was getting up. He put his cracked shades back on, took one look at the delivery of furniture, and scowled: “Oh, you've got to be shitting me—”

WHAM! Iron Will instantly dented a chair with one swing. “That one's for the deer you captured from Whitetail Woods!” CLANG! Another chair made its way across Top Dog's forehead. “That's for the rams that you enslaved on their way to Sheersville!” WHUD! “That one's for the seaponies! Iron Will never saw any in the cages, but Iron Will has no doubt you dogs are cruddy enough to run them over with your propellers!” WHACK!

Rainbow Dash winced... and winced again... ultimately looking away from the multiple punishing impacts. “Well?!” She gulped, staring at Lancie as he grasped the giant legbone. “What are you waiting for?!”

“Just a second... uhm...” Lancie smiled awkwardly. “It's conjuring...”

“Are you gonna be imbued with your friggin' power or not?”

“One thing at a time, Sparky,” Lancie said. He then pointed over her shoulder. “Take them, for example.”

“Huh? 'Them' who?” Rainbow Dash turned and almost fainted. “Cheese and crackers!”

With the thundering of paws, a virtual battalion of canines had arrive. Not one dozen, not two dozen, not even four or five—but no less than one hundred fully-armed diamond dogs had arrived with scimitars and spears that glimmered in the lantern-light. They all formed a vicious phalanx behind where the B-Cubed has grinded to a halt. If that wasn't enough, Rainbow could already hear the howling warcry of just as large a number marching up the rear, coming up the way that the prisoners had escaped. The multiple slaves fidgeted and sobbed in utter panic. In a matter of seconds, everyone would be perfectly surrounded.

Top Dog didn't have any chance to celebrate this, seeing as he was a bruised and drooling mess in the shadow of Iron Will.

“And this—last but not least—is for Iron Will's sweetheart back home!” The minotaur's nostrils snorted as he loomed above the lead canine with a battered chair. “The lovely Eliz—” His eyes caught the glint of over two hundred spears, and he immediately slumped backwards. “Awwwwww poop.”

“Rainbow Dash...” Autumn Rush trembled, her legs quivering. “R-Rainbow Dash, what'll we d-do?!”

Rainbow Dash was sweating heavily, biting her lower lip to the bleeding point. She sensed a faint glow of light and glanced down to see the seams in the granite shard pulsing from Lancie's touch.

“Now might be a good moment to dispense indiscriminate fuzzy justice, Sparky,” Lancie said.

“Impossible,” Rainbow grunted. “I know my awesomeness measures high on the kick-flankery scale, but this is suicide!” She closed her eyes to the marching minions with a shudder, then said, “I need you to get us out of here.”

“Huh?”

“You heard me!” Rainbow Dash stared at him, frowning. “Use your rejoined chaos energies or whatever and create an escape!”

“Uhmmmm... are you sure about that—”

“And don't pretend like you can't do it!” Rainbow barked. “So help me, Celestia, I'll—”

“Pffft! Of course I can do it, Sparky! It's just that it's a one-time deal until I find another piece!”

“I know!”

“But... but...” His stone face grimaced. “What about Princcles Frecklestan—?!”

“I know. I know!” Rainbow seethed through clenched teeth. “But there are tons of creatures here and they deserve to go home!”

Lancie's brow furrowed.

Rainbow spat. “Do I have to spell it out?! Save these friggin' dudes lives, dang it!”

With a loud howl, the minions of Top Dog came charging from opposite angles.

Iron Will and the multiple prisoners crowded fearfully in the center.

Rainbow shouted, “Lancie—!”

The statue's eyes were already glowing. Sparks spat out from where he clutched the stone legpiece. Then, after glowing as bright as the Sun, he reached a stone hand out and snapped his talons.

Crkkkk!

Squinting, Rainbow Dash looked straight up.

A crack had formed in the ceiling, and it ran a serpentine pattern, winding around the location of the B-Cubed, tracing the corridor where the phalanx stormed in from, and ending somewhere above the passage that the prisoners had taken to flee there. Then, with one massive tug, the ceiling collapsed—and with it fell huge chunks of rock and earth.

Rainbow Dash found herself in the shadow of such an avalanche. With a shriek, she spread her wings, hoisted herself and Lancie off the B-Cubed, and dove towards the floor of the cavern.

The canines looked up, startled. The first line of mutts dropped their weapons and whimpered, accepting their smothering fate.

SMASSSH! A virtual column of sediment had fallen, compacted by the weight of earthen materials above it. The collapsed debris formed a perfect ring, surrounding the survivors and covering up every corridor that Top Dog's minions could have taken to overwhelm the escaped prisoners.

Autumn Rush and the others shuffled backwards, coughing from the dust and haze. As their eyes adjusted, they were shocked to see sunbeams filtering down from the sky above. Every deer, elk, and ram tilted their chins up—gawking at morning sunlight appearing in crystal clear beauty.

“It's... it's a miracle,” an elk stammered.

“Look!” A deer pointed. The collapsed earth was rough and uneven, but there was no denying that it formed a near-perfect ramp that led up to the surface in a spiraling pattern. “It's a way out!”

“Iron Will doesn't understand...” The minotaur scratched his scalp between his horns. “How could a cave-in work like this?”

“I don't know...” A ram rushed forward, breathless. “But I'm not going to wait here until another cave-in ruins a perfectly good escape route!” He motioned along with his horns. “Come on, everyone! Now's our chance to go home!”

“Quick!” An elk stammered, rushing ahead—joined shortly by a stampede of frenzied souls. “Before the dogs dig their way out!”

“Go! Go!”

“Hurry!”

“I can sm-smell dew! And flowers!”

“Freedom!”

“Wait! Wait!” Autumn Rush squeaked, shivering on thin legs as she pleaded with the galloping crowd. “Where's Rainbow Dash?!” She gulped and shouted, “Wh-what about Rainbow Dash?!”

“Iron Will doesn't see her either!” The minotaur sputtered, peering all about. With desperate grunts, he began hammering away at the earth with his fists, forming little holes as he peered below the immediate layer of compacted topsoil. “Pint Size?! Talk to Iron Will, little buddy! Don't you job on me!”

Autumn Rush fell on her haunches, sniffling as tears formed on the edges of her sparkling eyes.

Meanwhile, Iron Will growled and stomped at the earth. “Dang it! Why does this happen to all the legends?! Raaaugh!” He grabbed the remnants of a folding chair and started using it as a folding chair. “Just give Iron Will a sign! Any sign! This ain't your blasted curtain call! Ya hear me?! Say something!”

Every Dash Has Her Day

The sun was starting to set over the arid landscape to the west. A huge chunk of the group had wasted no time, galloping off towards the hills in the distance within minutes of having reached the earth's surface. Sliver by sliver, members of the freed slaves broke off, trotting towards the closest known clusters of civilization. Hours later, only a small bunch of quadrupeds remained, along with Iron Will. This group spent up most of their strength digging at the top layer of dirt, hoping against hope that they might somehow expose a sliver of blue fuzz to the flickering sun.

Alas, despite their concentrated efforts, Rainbow Dash—their savior—was nowhere to be found. Autumn Rush was absolutely distraught about this, and it took the sheer muscle of Iron Will to move her from her stalwart position. Nobody wanted to say it out loud, but there was the very real threat of diamond dogs popping out of the dirt at any given moment, and by that time they would surely be overwhelmed by their prior captors. The important thing to do was flee to Equestrian lands, and they did so—begrudgingly—in a solemn train heading southwest under the purple hush of evening.

Along the crest of a hill, hidden in a cluster of cacti, a tiny statue sat. Lancie hugged a giant legbone to his chest whilst propping his granite spine back against a rock.

“Hmmmmm...” He sighed with a rise and fall of his rocky chest. “It was the bark of times; it was the woof of times.” Silence. He stared aside at a shifting mound of dirt. “You gonna pop your head up now or what?”

The desert stand was still.

“Seriously. Even if it was still bright out, I doubt any of their doe eyes could see you from this distance.”

“Guhhhh!” Rainbow Dash popped out, shaking clumps and layers of sand off her head and tail with vigorous quivers. “Mmmmm-bleachkkk! I've got dirt in holes that I didn't know had other holes in 'em!”

“Well, at least we know you're trained to use a sandbox.”

“Seriously, though...” Rainbow Dash batted one side of her head, then the other, popping out loose flakes of dirt from her ears. “Are they actually leaving now?”

“Yeah. I think they finally got tired of sobbing hysterically over their hero's inexplicably missing corpse.”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Yeesh. Don't rub it in like that.”

“I only wish I didn't have to.” Lancie squinted. “What's the dealio, Sparkio? Why play possum? You definitely don't strike me as a mare who likes to give up the spotlight.”

“And I don't. Not usually.” Rainbow gulped. “But.”

“Butttttttt...?”

Rainbow sighed and plopped down on her haunches. Her dirt-stained figure formed a cold shadow in the sunset. “I didn't expect to go so far over my own head,” she muttered. “I didn't just lock horns with a basilisk or cyclops. I royally screwed an entire city of renegade canines. Idiotic and violent ones to boot. As much as I love a good melee, I ain't stupid.” She glanced aside with brightly blinking eyes. “Do I really wanna give them a reason to follow me back to Ponyville? An open invitation to attack all of my friends and neighbors? A free season on ponies?”

“Uhhhhh...” Lancie scratched his chin with the legpiece and smiled awkwardly. “Can I take the physical challenge?”

Rainbow sighed. “Better to just let these mutts assume that I'm dead and have the loose trail end there. And, as totally uncool as it is, that includes me letting the rest of those strangers assume I'm a goner too.”

“Yeesh. That's deep. Deeply sucky.”

“I know. I know.” Rainbow Dash hung her head. “I kicked so much flank right now. And all for what?”

Lancie whistled innocently, twirling the legpiece in front of him like a baton.

Rainbow Dash scowled at him. “How come that hasn't—like—attached to you or some crap?”

“Because I have to have all the pieces compiled together if I'm to become my handsome self once again.” Lancie cleared his throat. “But what's that matter to a frisky fuzzball like you? I was able to snap-crackle-pop you with some power in the end!”

“Eeeeugh!” Rainbow Dash double-face-hoofed with a groan. “Mmmmmf—Don't remind me. My opportunity... my one opportunity and I blew it!”

“Yes, you certainly did.”

Rainbow Dash plopped down on her chest, coughing at the resulting dust cloud.

Lancie waved a talon before his fanged muzzle. “Still, for what it's worth, you have as many opportunities to blow as I body parts!” He smirked, then fidgeted. “Mmmm—give or take a torso.”

“Nnnngh... you sure you don't have enough juice in you to—I dunno—snap your finger and create Applejack an awesome new space barn that can store a million livestock in it or something?”

“I'm afraid not, Sparky, though that would make for one Hell of a Spring Break.”

Silence... then finally Rainbow sighed.

“Why...?”

Lancie squinted at her. “Why what?”

“Why am I so lame?” She fwomped over onto her back, staring up at the desert sky as the first of several stars began blossoming. “I can be so awesome and do so many killer cool things... and in the end?” She let her hooves fall to her side as a gust of wind blew at her mud-caked mane. “I'm still... this.”

“And just what is 'this,' my little pony?”

She turned her head to glare at him. “Alone.”

Lancie leaned on his legbone like a cane. “Well, you've got me to talk to, haven't you?”

Rainbow Dash looked like she was going to vomit.

“Fine... Fine!” Lancie cleared his throat. “You've got friends in low, humble places. From what I understand, one of them bakes for you, one of them researches for you, another one talks like a vampire for you, a fourth one gives you a kind listening ear, and last but not least we have that one curious farm specimen that makes you do naughty things in the shower.”

“Pffft!” Rainbow's voice cracked forth a chuckle. “I do not do naughty things in the shower.”

“Yes, because in your book, she makes them perfectly angelic.”

Rainbow Dash stood up and glared in his face. “Okay. Enough of this crap. I want you to tell me one thing.”

“I swear, I wasn't listening for too long,” he said with a fanged smirk.

“Not that!” Rainbow took a deep breath. “Did you know that I'd end up having to use you to help the prisoners escape?”

“Why, whatever do you mean?”

“Don't play dumb with me! You're a lot older and smarter than you look.”

“Why thank you. You're a lot prettier and healthier than you pretend to be too.”

“Did you or did you not know that in the end I'd be having to use you to save the prisoners' hides?! Huh?! Answer me!”

Lancie stared at her. He blinked. “You want the truth, Sparky?”

“The whole truth!”

He shrugged, then said in a calm, neutral voice. “When we ended up in that last corridor there, at the end of that vehicle's rampage, with our backs to the walls and the dozens upon dozens of poor woodland creatures about to be given the axe... and you had given me the signal to do something for your precious freckle faerie?” He took a breath. “I would have gone and done what you asked.”

Rainbow Dash stared blankly past him.

“You think the lives of so many silly things matter to me?” he remarked. “Do you think you matter to me?”

Her eyes jerked towards him.

He smirked, pointing at his own chest. “I'm mostly harmless, for sure. But doing no harm doesn't necessarily equate to doing no good.”

“Then how can I trust you?” she murmured.

“You can't. But I have something that you need—or rather want. And the world has something I need, but a pony like you can get.” He scurried up onto her backside and slung the legbone over his shoulders. “Yupppp... after all, we're attached to one another, remember? I really can't rely on anypony else.”

Rainbow was silent.

“In the end, when all of my parts are together, we'll split up, and nopony will ever have to know about the talking garden gnome that badgered you day in and day out. You'll be back to living the life of a daredevilish pegasus, and maybe—quite possibly—your would-be-marefriend will have ascended to virtual apple-bucking godhood thanks to yours truly. But that's not all me, of course. I can do you a favor piece-by-piece, but you gotta aim where the chaos cannon is pointing, if you catch my drift.”

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. “Top Dog was a nobody. But with that part of you in his possession, he was gonna friggin' wreck everything he got his paws on.”

Lancie glanced curiously at her.

She started trotting forward, heading southwest against the evening breeze. “Who's to know what those other pieces are doing. And to think that freaks like Aatxe and his whelps are after them...”

“Hey...” Lancie shrugged with a smirk. “So everyone wants a piece of me! Can anyone blame them?”

“I can,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “Because I'm the only pony who's onto them. And now I know that all this crud is far too dangerous for me to leave alone.” She flapped her wings and took off, gliding slowly—thoughtfully—towards home. “I gotta bring this to Noir's attention. He's gotta know something that can help me find the other pieces faster. Cuz this is huge. It's bigger than me... bigger than Ponyville... bigger than—”

“Everypony?” Lancie remarked, wagging his stone eyebrows.

Rainbow Dash sighed through a weary smile. “Well... almost everypony.”

Lancie leaned in and whispered into her ear. “Bet you can't wait to go home and shower.”

“Buck off!” Rainbow grunted, and threaded her way over the desert horizon.

Appledashery

There were times when Rainbow Dash used to feel like she was her own worst enemy. I guess this couldn't have been helped, really. A life lived at the top of her game was a lonely one, and so she had plenty of opportunities to overthink the matter.

Several times as of late when I've spoken to her, she's gone on rambling tirades about how “awesome” and “uncontrollable” a mare she was in those days. She boasts about that time in her life, only because she can. It's not that she was happier then, but I think it's because she desperately needs to excuse the things she did and how she went about doing them.

Honestly, I think Rainbow Dash—even after all these years—is having a hard time coming to grips with just how much... happier she is, as if her entire life has to be one uniform emotion. It's one of the many things that I still find endearing about her. Beneath all of the boasting and showboating and daredevilish spotlight hugging, she's really the most selfless mare in the world.

And though she'll never admit it to my face, I can tell she's the most sensitive and clingy pony in existence, which makes me all the happier to know that—these days—she's got that very special somepony to cling to.

==Part Nine: Easy Dashing==

“You...” Noir spun around so hard that the hood of his cloak fell loose from his midnight mane. “... did what?!”

“Hey! Relax!” Rainbow Dash smiled nervously from where she stood at the corner of the Fillydelphia warehouse. “Every prisoner got out safe! What's more, none of them know I survived the cave-in!”

“I am not concerned with escaped slaves!” the stallion barked, taking a heated step toward the mare. “As a protector of the Lunar Code, what concerns me is that you boldly and deliberately went against my advice and tampered with another piece of the petrified chaotician!”

“Hey!” Rainbow Dash frowned. “All I did was rescue it from grubby, evil paws! Top Dog is the one who did the tampering!”

“Who?!”

“Uhm... tall diamond dog? Leader of a bunch of spelunking canine idiots who wanted to take over every underground cavern in Equestria with a giant chaos-powered machine of doom?”

Noir stared off into the smokey night sky above the polluted river. “So... creatures were using the shard to power up an infernal device...?”

“Yup. Why?” Rainbow squinted. “That ever happen before in your 'Chaos Chronicles' or whatnot?”

“It... certainly doesn't bode well...”

“Chaosbook? Mychaos? Chaotinterest?”

Noir swiveled towards her. “And yet, you succeeded?” His dark eyes narrowed. “You stole this shard from the clutches of such nefarious creatures?”

“Look, pal, I'm not called 'Rainbow Danger Kickflank Professionalism Dash' for nothing!”

“I've done research since our last encounter, Miss Dash,” Noir coolly said.

Rainbow blinked. “You did?”

“Yes. And I know for a fact that your middle name is J—”

“Can it!” Rainbow hissed, then glanced nervously over her shoulders. “I don't care if we're in Fillydelphia, your whacked-out 'Sanctuary,' or the Gumdrop Dimension. I don't wanna risk anypony hearing it spoken aloud!”

“You're truly as reckless as I learned in my research,” Noir said. “It's a miracle you didn't succumb to overwhelming forces while vaingloriously endeavoring to dabble in affairs of chaos and unpredictability. If those creatures tortured you—”

“But they didn't.”

“—and subsequently discovered where you live and discovered the other shard—the dormant shard—there...”

“They didn't.” Rainbow smirked. “I was too dang awesome for them. Sheesh, dude.” She chuckled. “I know you're all about being dark and mysterious and whatcrap, but would it kill you to have a little bit of faith in me?”

“I cannot fathom what motivated you to track down this shard in the first place.”

“Well, it's a good thing I did, r-right?” Rainbow said with an awkward smirk. “I mean, these creeps were already enslaving a flankton of creatures, and they were literally hours away from tearing Equestria a new one with this killer huge mech thing!”

“From the way you describe it, yes, it does seem they were going to accomplish many feats of diabolical evil with the shard.”

“And now they're not!” Rainbow hovered in place and tossed her hooves. “I stopped them! Simple as that!”

“And where is the shard now?”

“Uhm... well... I have it.”

“So you now possess two?”

“Hey...” Rainbow leaned in with a sly smirk. “Unsuspecting Ponyville weather flier, remember? Who in the hay is gonna bother searching my house for pieces of a chaos statue? And—besides—the bad guys I did the tango with think I'm dead! Isn't that killer?”

“I am relieved to think that no creature has the ability to trace you,” Noir said as he paced along the corner of the warehouse. “But that doesn't make you exempt from scrutiny. Already, Aatxe's Red Drakes have pursued you in the desert. And since the last time I spoke with you, I've lost all contact with Romulus—”

“Ehhh...” Rainbow Dash waved a hoof. “What does that feather-ruffled turkey vulture know? He's off hiding, trying to save his beak like a true blue coward, I bet.”

“These are foreboding times, Miss Dash.” Noir swiveled to face her again. “It helps to be a bit paranoid.”

“Life's too short for that, don'tcha think?”

“And if the remaining shards continue to be exploited, then life may be even shorter.” He took a deep breath. “For all of us.”

“Well, it's a good thing I intervened, huh?” Rainbow stretched her forelimbs, flexing her muscles. “Mmmmm—yep. And it felt good to free a bunch of innocent slaves on the side. That always puts the sprinkles on my sundae.”

“I highly suggest you avoid such adventurous inclinations in the future.”

“What?!” Rainbow frowned down at him. “Why?!”

“Diamond Dogs aren't exactly known for their high intelligence,” Noir said. “Not to diminish the sheer guile of your most recent act, but you had a great deal of fortune on your side. It's a miracle you didn't die and compromise the location of the dormant shard in the process.”

“Dude, I'm telling you, I can do this!” She squinted. “Just what are you and the rest of the Lunar Code got to bring to the table?”

All Noir could do was lean back against the warehouse's outer wall and sigh.

“Heh... just as I thought,” Rainbow said.

“It is not quite that simple,” Noir said. “I have very few allies left who honor the code in this day and age. I and two of my estranged associates met for the first time in ages. Together, we flew west to find the Castle of Aatxe the Red Brood King.”

“And...?”

“It was... missing,” Noir murmured.

Rainbow Dash blinked. “What, it up and flew away?”

“Highly unlikely,” Noir remarked. “Aatxe's has made that ancient keep his lair for centuries. It's the only place capable of housing his hoard. And it's also quite improbable that another force—a rival of his, for example—could have possessed power capable of vanishing the castle from the surface of Equestria.”

“So... what in the hay happened to it?”

“My associates and I believe that Aatxe has already come to possess at least one piece of the chaos statue,” Noir said. “I seriously doubt a dragon of his stature would stop there. His dark ambition and greed is too great. Quite likely, the King of Red Drakes is seeking all of the other pieces. And when he finds them—”

“He won't. And even if he does, he'll be in for one heck of a walloping,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Miss Dash, your courage is noble, if not comical.”

“H-hey!” Rainbow frowned.

“In all seriousness...” Noir looked directly at her. “Aatxe has proven time and time again to be a powerful force to be reckoned with. If it's true that he's got pieces of the statue, then there's no telling how much might he currently possesses.”

“Then all the more reason to grab the rest of them before he does!”

“My associates and I came to the same agreement. There's only one problem.” Noir stepped towards her. “We have no way of tracking the remaining shards. So, it begs the question.” He came to a stop, squinting at her. “How did you?”

“Who, m-me?” Rainbow Dash blinked... then blinked again. “Eheheheh.... ha ha... yeah... well... uhm...” She squirmed and fidgeted in midair. “That's a good question, you see... I... uh...”

He stared and stared...

She bit her lip, then eventually blurted, “I-I just sensed it was where it w-was!” She flinched, staring down at him through one thin eye.

Noir nodded. “I was afraid of this...”

Rainbow Dash did a double-take. “You were?”

“Miss Dash, tell me...” Noir shuffled beneath her hovering figure. “Have you experienced any... disquieting visions?”

“Disquieting... visions...?”

“Bad dreams. Perhaps nightmares where you have done terrible, horrible things and couldn't ascertain why?”

“I... uh...” Rainbow Dash stared off into the hazy horizon of Fillydelphian smokestacks. Suddenly, the mirror image of a rainbow-mane'd pegasus stood before her, only the eyes flickered red-on-yellow. She blinked, and for a brief moment imagined a limp orange shape lying on the crest of a burning hill. Within a breath, the shape turned white, joining four identical splotches of alabaster dust in the middle of Ponyville—

“Miss Dash... are you okay?”

Rainbow Dash realized she was standing on her hooves. She teetered on the brink of hyperventilation. “Sorry, I... I... uhm...”

“Have you gotten much sleep, lately?”

Rainbow wiped sweat from her brow and shook her head. “No. Actually. Too... much of a h-hero buzz from my adventure with the diamond dogs, I guess. Heheh...” She gulped hard.

Noir nodded thoughtfully. “Miss Dash, I think it may very well be possible that you've acquired a connection of sorts.”
'

“A connection?” Rainbow Dash cleared her throat, breathing easier. “With what?”

“With the shards.”

“The chaos pieces?”

“Indeed.” Noir gestured. “Perhaps it was from the initial delivery you made, or your possession of the dormant shard. But, one way or another, I think your essence has become attached to the pieces—scattered as they may be. This wouldn't be an impossible thing. It happened back in the Chaos Wars, thousands of years ago. It's how the Chaoticians formed legions of equine followers, you see.”

“Right...” Rainbow was too busy gazing off in thought. She envisioned the royal garden of Canterlot at night. Stars spun, and her body twitched upon remembering a violent jolt—as if impacting with something that crumbled beneath her. “So, what, I'm becoming a chaos goon or something?”

“No, but the process is hypothetically simpler. For better or for worse, it might explain your—how should I put it—sensitivity to the shards.”

“Uhhhh...”

“Which would explain how you 'just sensed where it was' in regards to the last shard.”

She stared blankly.

“Am I to assume correctly?”

“Huh? Oh! Totally!” She smirked.

“So, in that case...” Noir stared at her. “Can you sense where another one is?”

She bit the corner of her lip, fidgeting. “I'm... working on it.”

“I rather that you wouldn't,” Noir said. “There's too much at stake.”

“Pffft. Like what? Aatxe and his red brood going to town on Equestria with the pieces he's got?”

Noir sighed. “The rest of the defender of the Lunar Code are already in the process of tracking him down—”

“Right! You're covering your end!” Rainbow Dash hovered again, this time resting a proud hoof over her fuzzy blue chest. “So let me take care of mine!”

“It wouldn't be wise to—”

“What?! Save Equestria's flank? I mean, it's up to us and us alone, right?”

Noir avoided her gaze.

“Right...?”

“One of the reasons why the Lunar Code was founded... was to protect the Royal Sisters.” Noir gazed quietly at Rainbow. “Alicorn magic is uniquely vulnerable to the corruption of pure chaos. It's one of the reasons why the Elements of Harmony were utilized as a defensive barrier against the chaoticians of the past.”

“Yowsers...” Rainbow hung on drooping wings. “It totally is up to us and us alone...”

Noir gravely nodded. “The primary reason Nightmare Moon rose to power in the first place was due to Princess Luna's exposure to the last chaotician that the Sisters defeated. Ever since, the defenders of the Lunar Code have endeavored to stifle chaos with the devices at our disposal.”

“Well, now you've got the best one yet!” Rainbow Dash flexed her forelimbs with a manure-eating grin. “Rainbow Device! At your service, dude!”

“Ennnghhh...”

“What? I'm the best thing that happened to you since shades were invented!”

“I still do not believe it is right to throw you so hazardously into this situation.”

“Hey. Let me do the throwing.” Rainbow Dash pointed. “You and your buddies just catch up on Aatxe and keep his stupid broodlings off my tail. Mmmmkay?”

Noir squinted at her. “Even if I do entertain this notion, you must show me a better sign of commitment.”

“Pffft. Like what?”

“Take better care of yourself. If you're to assist the Lunar Code, then you must be in peak condition.”

“Meaning...”

“Get some goddess-forsaken sleep.”

“Hah!” Rainbow Dash waved a hoof. “Please, buddy. If there's anything I'm good at, it's dozing off without a second thought!”

“Duahhhhhhhhhhh...” Rainbow Dash drooled across the table-top, her eyes shut and her tiny ears twitching.

Feminine voices snickered and giggled in the background.

“Oh my...”

“She's been working herself to the bone lately, the poor dear...”

“Heeheehee!”

“Uhhhh... you girls think one of us should wake her up or something?”

“Reckon it wouldn't hurt to send her on her way. Ahem.” A strong, warm hoof shook Rainbow's shoulder. “Hey. Hey! Rainbow, sugarcube, high time you headed home for a nap. Don'tcha think?”

“Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm...” Rainbow's hooves fumbled until they grasped a soft slender body pillow. She nuzzled it, smiling drunkenly as her nose sniffffffffffed the fragrant scent of apples, wildflowers, and sweat. “But I ammmmmm hommmmmme...”

More and more giggles.

“Heh heh heh...” A voice guffawed, accompanied by that same warm limb shaking her shoulders. “Ya might wanna take a second gander, darlin'.”

Rainbow Dash's bloodshot eyes flashed open. She tilted her head to see that she wasn't nuzzling a body pillow, but instead a very familiar ponytail of a very familiar gold color tied by a very familiar red ribbon belonging to a very familiar—

“Acklejack!” Rainbow Dash flew back into her seat in Sugarcube Corner. “I mean, Applejeez! I mean...” She scoot-scoot-scoot'd away from the table. “Guhhhhh...” She blink-blinked at everypony. “Wh-what am I doing here?!”

Pinkie Pie was dying of laughter while Rarity suppressed a dainty snort and Fluttershy blushed like a burning bush. Twilight smiled awkwardly. “You decided to treat us to breakfast, remember?”

“Ya doin' alright, sugarcube?” Applejack's smirking freckles leaned into view. “Last time anypony ever used my mane for teethin' was when Apple Bloom was a lil' sprout.”

“I... I-I-I...” Rainbow's eyes flew nervously toward Fluttershy's. The mare looked back with a helpless grimace. Rainbow gulped and fought the pale urge to sweat. “I-I didn't g-get much sleep last night,” her voice cracked.

“Well, that much is certain,” Twilight said with a slight chuckle.

“Awwwwww... ya poor thang...” Applejack patted Rainbow's shoulder, making the mare flinch. She blinked. “Ya feelin' alright, sugarcube? Ya know I was only teasin' about my mane.” She flipped the ponytail in question over the other side of her neck. “No harm, no foul.” She winked.

“Right...” Rainbow nodded... then nodded again and exhaled. “Right right right... right.”

“It's such a heapin' nice thang that you'd pay for our meals again, Rainbow, but ain't no fun enjoyin' it while yer noddin' off,” Applejack said. “Why don'tcha head on back home and get some shuteye?”

“Yeah, Dashie!” Pinkie Pie nodded. “We won't be offended!”

“We'd rather you be well rested and healthy than not at all!” Rarity smiled airily. “Besides, it'll give me a chance to catch up on my Element.”

“Yeah, you show off!” Pinkie stuck her tongue out.

“Pinkie, darling, it helps to be subtle.”

“That's why I stopped before giving a raspberry!”

“I'm... I-I'm fine, you guys,” Rainbow Dash said with a nervous smile. “I'm just... uhhhh... y'know...” She gulped and fought the shivers. “So comfortable around you five that I can't help myself!”

All of the mares stared blankly at her. The seconds ticked by, during which Rainbow's teeth threatened to chatter.

At last, Fluttershy broke the silence. “I know! How about a stroll through the park to walk off the meal?”

“Ooooh! Neato!”

“That sounds positively delightful.”

“Sure, I'd like that!”

“Well, alrighty, y'all!” Applejack sat up first. “Dun mind a bit of sunshine myself.” As the mares trotted off, she glanced over her shoulder. “You comin', Rainbow?” She winked. “Or does one of us have to carry ya? Heheh....”

Rainbow Dash scooted out of her chair and stood on all fours. She flinched, pausing to flex her forelimbs. A slight numbness tingled through her joints. “Hmmmm... oh, how I wish,” she quietly murmured to herself. With a slight sigh, she flapped her wings and eventually caught up with the group.

Part Nine: Easy Dashing
(Where we catch up with being caught up)

Sister, Sister

The fresh air of the park wafted by everypony's muzzle as they strolled along.

“We'll be hostin' the Sisterhooves Social again real soon,” Applejack said. She pushed the brim of her hat forward and smiled over her shoulder. “Rarity, reckon y'all might wanna come and enjoy the festivities?”

“Applejack, darling, do define 'y'all' if you wouldn't mind.”

“Why... you and Sweetie Belle, of course.”

“To be perfectly honest, I've never attended one of these functions on your farm. Just exactly what does it entail?”

“Well, there's the potato sack race, the tug'o'war, the obstacle course—”

“Ooooooh-eeeeuuughhh! No no no no no!” Rarity flinched in mid-trot, pulling her nose up to the air. “Those all sound like outdoor activities that involve a great deal of mud and... nnnngh... sweat,” she squeaked.

“Well, darn tootin'!”

“Hmmph! Most uncouth! I shan't allow myself to be exposed to such grotesque activities! Why, the very idea of it makes my coat hairs stand on end and I haven't brought my brush with me!”

“Awwwww come on, Rarity.” Applejack gave an exasperated smile. “Don'tcha know how to have fun?”

“Yes! And in a clean and controlled environment, for that matter!”

“I'm willin' to bet Sweetie Belle would absolutely love being taken to the Sisterhooves Social. She dotes on ya somethin' fierce.”

“Sweetie Belle and I have our own ways of having fun, thank you very much.”

“How?” Applejack stared at the mare with dull eyes. “Havin' a squat in the boutique and makin' heaps of dresses?”

“Why, yes! Of course!”

Applejack rolled her eyes and chuckled.

“Don't you give me that face!” Rarity exclaimed.

“Rarity...” Twilight leaned in with a smile. “What I think Applejack's trying to get at is that Sweetie Belle might enjoy a change in activities for once.”

“I think she's perfectly fine and healthy where she is.”

“She loves her big sister!” Applejack exclaimed. “And how better to show her affections than at a kickin' event with tons of other ponies doin' the same thang?”

“Applejack, you can't force her,” Twilight said. “After all, Rarity's a busy mare.”

“Most definitely,” Rarity huffed.

“Too busy for a one-day sprint around the obstacle course?” Applejack remarked.

“When I was younger, I always wanted to hang out with my BBBFF,” Twilight said.

“Your what?” Fluttershy interjected.

“Big Basket of Bouncing Fried Fritters?!” Pinkie Pie drooled.

“Pinkie Pie, honestly.” Rarity rolled her eyes. “You just ate.”

“Yeah, but that was for my second favorite stomach!”

Rarity blinked crookedly. “Huh...?”

Twilight giggled, then said, “I mean my Big Brother Best Friend Forever.”

“Ohhhhhhhh...” Applejack nodded. “What's his name again? Shovel Knight?”

“Shining Armor.” Twilight cleared her throat. “Anyways, like I was saying, there were times when I wanted very badly to hang out with him again. Only—we couldn't, because he had joined the Canterlot Royal Guard and was too busy to get together.”

“Awwwww...” Fluttershy's ears folded. “You must have been sad.”

“Yes. But I also knew that he had important things to do, and none of them ever stopped him from showing me in little ways—all the time—how much he cared for me.” After a happy sigh, Twilight turned towards Rarity. “Rarity, I'm sure you're always giving Sweetie Belle little signs of affection here and there, yes?”

“I-I think I may have stepped in some tree sap!” Rarity exclaimed in a frail voice. She lifted her hoof and grimaced, pulling at a pine needle stuck to her fetlock. “Ewwww-wwwww! GetitoffGetitoffGetitoff!”

Twilight sighed, staring down at the ground.

“Allow me.” Applejack crossed the path and yanked the pine needle off of Rarity's hoof. “Just dip it in a sink with some soap. You'll be fine.”

“See? This is exactly why Ponyville should have more lawn care workers!”

Applejack raised her eyebrow with a smirk. “But yer alive and well, ain'tcha?”

“Huh?”

“You got yerself a might bit dirty, but it didn't killa ya, now did it?”

“Uhm...”

“Rarity, just give the Sisterhooves Social a thought, okay?” Applejack winked. “I bet it'd be mighty generous of y'all to bring Sweetie Belle along. Ya feel me?”

“Uhm...”

“If it helps, Rarity, I'll come along with the two of you,” Fluttershy said with a smile.

“You, Fluttershy?” Rarity turned to blink at her. “But all of your siblings are in Cloudsdale.”

Fluttershy weathered a sigh, her ears drooping. “I know.” She swallowed and looked up with a brave smile. “But I would very much enjoy watching all of the little fillies galloping around with their big sisters. Including Sweetie Belle and you.” She flapped her wings with a warm smile. “Sooooo cuuuuuute...”

“Hmmm...” Rarity stirred. “Sweetie Belle certainly has her adorable qualities. Hmmmm... I wonder if I could let her fashion my 'country wear' in front of everypony...”

“Ennngh...” Applejack rolled her eyes and trotted along. “Thatta girl, Rarity... I think.”

“Besides, I wouldn't mind being at Sweet Apple Acres with those I care for during such a happy event.” Fluttershy turned and smiled at Applejack. “I think it would almost feel... like being around family.”

Applejack paused to smile back at Fluttershy. She tilted her head up. “How about you, Rainbow Dash? Come to think of it, I don't recall you ever tellin' us if you had any siblings at all.”

Rainbow Dash was presently busy with flying into a tree branch. CLONK! “Guh!” Her eyes snapped open and she jerked around in mid-air. “Who?! Where?! What?!”

Rarity and Fluttershy winced.

Pinkie Pie slid forward. “Watch out for that first one, Dashie! It's a doozy!”

“First... one...?” Rainbow Dash blindly flew forward. CLONK! She ran into another branch. “Augh! Luna darn it!”

Twilight bit her lip. “Rainbow... uhhh... maybe you should take Applejack's advice from earlier and go home to get some sleep.”

“Mmmmphh... screw that...” Rainbow hovered above them, rubbing her fuzzy blue forehead. “I wanna hang out with you guys.” She stifled a yawn and leaned comfortably against a tree trunk. “It's fun... n'stuff...”

“Slumber brings with it an enjoyable quality all on its own,” Rarity said with a smile. “I promise you that we won't be offended.”

“Ghhhh... wh-who's offending who?” Rainbow slid down the tree until she landed on her hooves. She almost stumbled, wincing at the numbness growing in her joints. “I just haven't had a chance to hang out with everyone of you and I want to make up for it.”

“Rainbow Dash, we know you've been very busy as of late,” Twilight said. “And we enjoy every chance we get to see you. But please, don't do it at the risk of your health.”

“Health?” Rainbow blinked.

“Whatever you've been delivering as of late, it's really worn you out!” Twilight pointed. “And I'm almost scared to ask where you got those bruises.”

“Oh... uhm...” Rainbow Dash unfolded a wing to block a slight splotch of discoloration along her left side. “Eheh... So I took a little tumble while... uhm... unpacking boxes.”

“Must have been some heavy boxes!” Pinkie Pie bounced across the path. “I can relate! The cake batter delivery crates fall over me all the time when I unload them at Sugarcube Corner!”

“Pinkie!” Rarity gasped. “You should be more careful!”

“Or maybe I should stop trying to open them with my mouth!” Pinkie giggled inwardly. “It was almost worth it once for the icing package that uppercutted me!”

“Honestly,” Rarity rolled her eyes.

“Guys, I'm fine,” Rainbow Dash spoke up. “I didn't treat you this morning because I wanted you to worry.” She smiled tiredly. “It's a really awesome day, and you're all awesome friends.” She shrugged. “Live it up, y'know? Cuz there may come a time when... th-that won't be such an easy thing to do...”

Fluttershy gazed through the group, her eyes cascading worriedly over Rainbow's features.

Rainbow winced and looked aside.

“Well, I don't know about y'all, but I'm lookin' forward to the Sisterhooves Social this year,” Applejack said. “With all the good luck that's hit our farm, Granny's plannin' on makin' this an event to remember! So, if y'all wanna 'live it up' like Rainbow's sayin', I cordially invite each and everyone of ya. Sisters or not.” She winked. “'Cuz I'm happy to have y'all as friends, and that makes ya like sisters to me.”

“Awwwwww...” Twilight blushed. “Applejack, that's so sweet.”

“Yaaay,” Fluttershy strategically cooed.

“Heeheehee!” Pinkie Pie slid in and wrapped a forelimb around Rainbow Dash's shoulder. “Ya hear that, Dashie?! We're all like sisters to each other! Heeeeeee!”

Rainbow Dash stared across the way at Applejack's figure as the farm mare resumed trotting down the road. “Uhm... yeah...” Rainbow gulped. “Like sisters... sw-swell...”

Good Catch

An hour later, after the group had split up to go their separate ways, Rainbow Dash sat perched in a tree, flexing her forelimbs. She winced slightly, sensing the numbness come and go with each movement of her muscles. It especially tingled at the ends of her hooves, spreading up across her fetlocks. With a sigh, she leaned back against the trunk of the tree and stared out across the windsept green plains surrounding Ponyville.

The sun gleamed overhead, casting a shine on every leaf and blade of grass. Lakes in the distance rippled with crystalline quality. Even the clouds shone with an extra alabaster polish.

“Hard to think...” Rainbow's brow furrowed as she murmured to the rustling branches around her. “...chaos would have any sort of hold whatsoever in all this... this schnazziness...”

Wind kicked at her colorful bangs. She straightened her mane and felt as it flounced back to its unkempt glory.

“Gnnngh...” Her nostrils flared. “What would I have even asked him to do, anyways? Made it so that Sapphire Shores showed up at the Sisterhooves Social?” She stared down at her dangling tail. “She wouldn't have liked that anyways.”

Silence.

“Sisters...” Her face frowned. “Ugh. I need a bath.”

She kicked off the tree, spread her wings, and glided towards her home. She bumped into a soft yellow splotch in the air instead.

“Eeeep!” Fluttershy reeled a good twenty feet from the featherlight impact. “Owie...”

“Flutters?” Rainbow squinted at the other pegasus as she hovered in place. “Sorry, girl, but I totally didn't see you there!” She chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of her head. “Wow, I must really be off my A-Game if I'm getting distracted that easy.”

“It's quite alright, Rainbow,” Fluttershy said with a nervous shudder. “That was my fault.”

“Why are you always so dang quick to blame yourself?” Rainbow sighed as she drifted ahead. “I shudder to think what'll happen the day you get framed for a murder.”

“Oh goodness!” Fluttershy's eyes widened. “How would th-that ever happen?”

“Heh...” Rainbow smirked. “Just being hypothetical, girl.” She glanced behind her as she slowly glided ahead. “What's up? I thought you were headed home to feed Angel and the rest of your... d'uhm... furries.”

“I just wanted to check on you, Rainbow Dash.”

“Fluttershy, for crying out loud.” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Since when were you my friggin' babysitter.”

“Well, it's not exactly like that. But...”

“But what?”

“Well, I happen to know you in more ways than the other girls do.” A beat, and Fluttershy blushed. “I mean... that is true, right? I-I figured we could both agree on that, at least...”

“Don't sweat it, Fluttershy,” Rainbow said, smirking over her shoulder. “You and I go waaaaaaay waaaaaaaay back.”

“Right. And... uhm...” Fluttershy avoided Rainbow's gaze, fidgeting with her forelimbs. “I-I happen to know that when you go away for whole days at a time, there's... uh... usually some super special reason for it.” She gulped. “And when I say 'special,' what I really mean is sc-scary...”

“Hah! Scary, huh?”

“Rainbow Dash...”

“Really, Fluttershy.” Rainbow spun around and flew backwards with a grin. “Don't we have this backwards?”

“Uhm... backwards?”

“You've always been the pensive and dainty one. If anything, I should be worrying about you.”

“But I'm not going off on random flights without so much as a warning—”

“Pffft. And you don't call dating a stallion the size of a double-decker bus adventurous?”

Fluttershy actually frowned. “It is nothing of the sort! Besides, Big Macintosh is a perfect gentlecolt who would never take advantage of me!”

“Easy, easy, Fluttershy! I was only teasing. Sheesh... the two of you together is like a Chineigh Syndrome of bashfulness. What sort of mess could possibly come of that?”

“If you must know... uhm... Big Mac is worried about you too.”

“Ah jeez...” Rainbow Dash squinted. “What the hay have you told him?”

“N-nothing! I swear!” Fluttershy smiled awkwardly. “But... oh Rainbow Dash...” Her cheeks went red a bit as she struggled with a smile. “He knows me so well and can read my emotions like they were written in stone. He can tell when I'm worried about my best friend.”

“Oh yeah...?”

“In fact, he can hardly sleep well when he knows I'm stressing over something.”

Rainbow Dash folded her forelimbs as she flew backwards. “So... you're really just talking to me because you're worried about Big Macintosh's sleep schedule?”

“Uhhhhh...”

“What if I came down with the flu? Would you come and take care of me so that Angel would stop chewing on his paws?”

“Rainbow Dash, you're being silly.”

“Takes one to know one, girl.” Rainbow Dash smiled. “The key thing here is you having to chillax.”

“But—”

“I'm fine! I just had... y'know... some business to take care of outside of Ponyville the other day. It's all gravy!”

“Rainbow Dash, I know you. There's more to this.”

“Fluttershy—”

“And I understand that you like to keep a lot of things to yourself, but I don't want you to feel like you have to be alone in whatever it is you're doing.”

“I'm perfectly capable of—”

“Especially with your condition as of late.”

“Hey! I'm fine, darn it!” Rainbow Dash raised her forelimbs. “See?! Never been better—OOF!” She flew backwards into a tree trunk and jolted forward.

Fluttershy gasped and dove down, catching the pegasus in mid-fall.

Rainbow blinked. She looked at herself in Fluttershy's dainty grip, then at the pegasus' face.

Fluttershy blushed, trying to smile it off.

“Gnnngh...” Rainbow Dash writhed, shook, and finally wrangled her way out of Fluttershy's arms. “I-I meant to do that...”

“Rainbow Dash, it's okay. I was just at the right place and at the right time—”

“And I totally would have done the same for you. So...” Rainbow Dash spun about. “Let's not dwell on it.”

“But still...” Fluttershy rubbed her forelimbs together, fidgeting. “Do you... actually know just how light you feel?”

“I said let's not dwell on it!”

“You've been eating well, haven't you?”

“Fluttershy!” Rainbow spun with a snarl. She paused, took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. After a few seconds, she spoke, “It's totally a cool thing that you care so much, and I'm super lucky to have you and the rest of the girls watching my back. But believe me, if things were going south, I'd totally tell you... ya dig?”

Fluttershy bit her lip. “Are you sure?”

Rainbow Dash stared at her, blinking. “For real. I'm good, okay?” She flexed her forelimbs. “I've been... feeling stronger and doing stronger things.” Her lips curved. “It's seriously the best things have been in a while.”

“Then why don't we see more of you, Rainbow Dash?” Fluttershy's eyes were sad and glossy. “If you're in a good place, you should share it with your friends?”

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth, lingered, and gazed aside. “Someday, okay? I just... g-gotta work out a few kinks, ya feel me?”

“Rainbow Dash...” Fluttershy flew over and rested a hoof on the pegasus' shoulder. “I know what your heart desires. But even with things the way they are, it's no reason for you to remain so distant.”

“I don't even know what you're talking about...”

Fluttershy smiled into her face. “She's still your friend, Rainbow Dash. Treat her as such. Don't make her miss you more than she already does.”

Rainbow Dash did a double-take. Her lips pursed. “She... m-misses me?”

Fluttershy continued smiling.

Rainbow Dash squinted. “Just how much do you glean off of Big Mac anyways?”

“Hmmmm...” Fluttershy flew backwards, winking. “Somethings are best kept between ponies who love each other.”

“Uhhhhh... you sure?”

“You want my advice, Rainbow Dash? Stop by Sweet Apple Acres during the Sisterhooves Social,” Fluttershy said. “It'll be fun, and I know there'll be ponies who would be happy to have you around.”

“Yeah, well, have you considered the fact that I'm nopony's sister?!”

It was too late. Fluttershy was already past the treetops, humming to herself.

Rainbow sighed. Clenching her jaw, she continued her swift path towards home. “Seriously. I'd rather be somepony's friggin' godmother...”

Home Swaggin' Home

Rainbow Dash flew to the stoop of her cloud home. She paused, hovering in place. Her eyes closed and she took a deep breath--more like a sigh. At last, with fidgeting hooves, she reached forward and opened the door.

Almost immediately, she was subjected to a horrible wave of cacophony. Darting her eyes to the right, she saw pots and pans rattling to the cloud stone floor of the kitchen. There, Lancie stood atop the kitchen table like a cat caught in the spotlight. A ladle rotated to a stop, dangling precariously off the edge of one of his antlers.

"Seriously, do you not keep a cheese grater anywhere in this rat's hole you call an apartment?"

"What... in the buck..." Rainbow grunted as she flew towards him. "...do you need a cheesegrater for?"

"Hmmmph. I swear. One of those mangy mutts was chewing on my leg while you took your sweet time to yank it out of that gas-guzzling tank of theirs." He continued rummaging through a dislodged shelf of random kitchen utensils. "There's gotta be a way to file the tooth marks out of the rocky surface. I wanna have a spotless complexion once all of my me-parts are back to being hooked together again. Whoah!" He gasped because he was being yanked off the table by his stone tail.

"Ptooie!" Rainbow Dash spat him onto the kitchen floor and began picking up the kitchen utensils one by one. "Dude, I'm pretty sure you'll be fine. If having all of your pieces together can give you--like--ten times the power you have when we scavenge a single one, then you'll just wriggle your nose and get whatever polish you need in a blink."

"I'm more inclined to fold my arms and nod my head," Lancie said from where he reclined on the floor. "With or without the springy noise... and belly button."

"Darn it... and would it kill you to not make a mess of things while I'm away?!" Rainbow Dash grumbled. She grasped the drawer in two hooves and fluttered over to the kitchen counter, sliding the thing into place so that it snapped onto its hinges. "Believe it or not, I come back to this place to chillax."

"I thought you did that by flying, Sparky."

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow Dash picked up a spare spatula off the floor. "I can't exactly sleep while winging it."

"Pffft. Why so obsessed with sleep? A mare with your metabolism would develop quite the belly if you keep sticking to your nap habits--"

The spatula suddenly clattered onto the floor.

Lancie craned his neck with a raised eyebrow.

Rainbow winced, rubbing her forelimbs as her senses tingled.

"That's a seriously counter-intuitive way to hoof-wrestle yourself," Lancie said.

"Meh..." Rainbow Dash grumbled. "It's not that... it's..." A sigh. She winced, struggled, but finally picked the spatula back up, placing it gingerly on the kitchen counter. "It's nothing."

"Seems like an awful strain for something that's the opposite of 'something.'"

"Just drop it, okay?"

"But you seem quite fine doing that yourself--"

"I mean it!" Rainbow snarled in his face. "Don't make me buck you into next year!"

"Whoah-ho-ho-ho!" He waved his arms with a nervous smirk. "Easy there, Madame Grunts-A-Lot! I'm sorry! I didn't know I had crossed into the 'no-touchie-zone.'"

"That's the whole dang house if you think about it." Rainbow Dash lingered at the edge of the kitchen. "Look, believe it or not, my life was a great deal less stressful before you decided to crash here."

"It was?"

"Point being, I need time to just... I dunno--kerplunk and let things settle before I move on to what's waiting for me next."

"Pffft. What does that accomplish? You've got so much going for ya, Sparky. Granted, most of it involves collecting the rest of my shards and mostly helping me, but there's no excluding the fact that you've got much more flank to kick and explosions to cause!"

"Not now, okay?" Rainbow Dash hovered limply towards her room. "Just... not now..."

Lancie folded his arms and smirked. "Did you meet a certain freckled friend today?"

Rainbow Dash said nothing, shutting the door to her room tightly behind her.

"Screw me into a light bulb socket," Lancie grumbled to himself as he slinked towards the opposite end of the room. "The mare's got to have fruit snacks around here somewhere..."

The Daily Dash

Rainbow Dash lay on her side with her eyes wide awake. She sighed, causing the edges of her pillow case to flutter.

The pegasus turned over onto her back, curling her legs to her chest. She stared up at the dim ceiling, not saying a word.

Outside, a bright world lingered beyond an obscuring set of curtains. Birds tweeted with muffled song and cicadas heralded the slow burning arrival of summer.

Rainbow Dash lifted one forelimb, flexing her hoof and wincing slightly. She gazed at her limbs, then stared off into the shadows. Her lips moved, silently producing six words. Then she lay dormant, her ears barely twitching.

At last, she closed her eyes with a slight sniffle. Her lids clenched shut as a few beads of moisture formed along the lashes.

“What the hay is th-this supposed to mean?!” Rainbow Dash sputtered.

The teller gulped and spoke calmly from across the bank counter. “Exactly as it is printed here, ma'am. You currently have two hundred and twenty-one bits in your account.”

“Well, where'd the rest of it friggin' go?”

“According to our records, ma'am, you made several withdrawals over the last two weeks. We even have your hoof print as verification.”

“But I... it...” Rainbow Dash sucked her breath in, gradually wincing. She shut her eyes as her body deflated with drooped wings. “Right.” She gulped. “Right... of course I did. I just...” Her words trailed off.

Other ponies waiting in line behind the pegasus craned their necks, looking curious and worried.

The teller shifted nervously and said, “Is something amiss? Because if you wish to state a conflict of data—”

“No. It's all good.” Rainbow Dash sighed, opening her bleary eyes. “I'm just bird-brained. I gotta make one last withdrawal this week—a tiny one.”

“I will need a hoof print on this sheet.”

“Right, lemme just—” Rainbow Dash fumbled for the paper. It fluttered away from her numb hooves. “Celestia darn it!”

“Ma'am, do you need assistance—”

“I'm fine!” Rainbow winced at her own tone and murmured. “I'm good, thanks. Really.” She bent over, clasped the edge of the sheet in her teeth, and brought it up to the counter. “Couldn't be better...”

“Nnnngh!” Rainbow Dash bucked her way through a cloud. She hovered in place, breathless. The cloud hadn't completely dissipated from her kick. With a frustrated growl, she bashed it again... and again and again and again. At last, the mist dissolved, leaving a clear blue sky in its wake.

She slumped on flapping wings, sweating. Wiping the moisture from her brow, she blinked, then glanced over her shoulder.

Thunderlane and Candy Mane were staring at her. Upon receiving her glare, they spun about and pretended to resume their own separate cloud-kicking.

Clenching her jaw, Rainbow glanced down at her hooves, flexed them with a wincing expression, and looked up towards her edge of the sky. Dozens upon dozens of clouds lingered above the rooftops of Ponyville.

With a sullent sigh, Rainbow Dash flew forward and threw herself as mercilessly as she could at the wafting mists.

“Well, Rainbow, the truth is...” Stamps leaned back from his table in the center of Banner Company's warehouse. “You're not the only hard-working pony who needs bits. With you being busy... elsewhere, I took it upon myself to give many of the simpler work orders to others.”

“Yeah, well, could you let me bite onto some of the tasks?” Rainbow leaned forward from where she hovered across the table. “For just this week, at least?”

“I can't make any grandiose promises. Banner Company's not exactly rolling in bits at the moment.”

“Look, I really need more money right now, dude.”

Stamps leaned forward, squinting. “Aren't you burning candles on too many ends?” he murmured.

“My well has... s-sorta run dry as of late.”

“You mean the well?” His brow furrowed. “That seems... hard to believe.”

Rainbow Dash fidgeted. Her nostrils flared, as if she could smell the polluted fumes of Fillydelphia from all the way there. “It's... complicated.”

“What isn't these days?” Stamps sighed, flipping a sheet of paper across a clipboard. “I'll see what I can do. But Rainbow?”

“Yeah...?”

“Bits have no use being paid to a dead husk.”

Rainbow nodded. “Thanks for the compliment. I'll keep that mind for if I finally decide to become a zombie.”

“Meh.”

Rainbow Dash glided across the skies of Ponyville, panting and sweating. Behind her, a chariot bulged with mulch and gardening tools, destined for the far end of town.

“Friggin'... sm-smells like a... mildew factory... gnnngh...”

She glanced down. The sloping hilltops of Ponvyille rose towards her dangling legs. She made a note to ascend a bit before reaching her destination—

“Okay, Big Mac! Just a lil' more!”

Rainbow's heart almost leapt out of her chest. She gazed to her left.

She was passing the east edge of Sweet Apple Acres. In the field between the farmhouse and the orchards, Big Macintosh was marching forward, his body rigged to a pulley system that was lifting a huge sign beside a set of bleachers. In a rough splotch of hoof-painted letters, the sign read: ”Fifty-Second Annual Sister Hooves Social.”

“Easy... easy...” Applejack stood on an overturned apple basket, gesturing with her hooves. “There! That's perfect!”

Macintosh skidded to a stop, panting. His sister rushed over and gave him a soft nuzzle.

“Just stay there for a spell, darlin'. We'll get the sign hammered in place.” She spun and glanced towards a yellow figure in the sky. “Changed yer mind about lendin' a hoof, Fluttershy?”

“No! Not at all! What would give you that idea?”

“Heheh... only teasin' ya. Just apply some pressure to the top of the side as I wedge it in!”

“Okay!”

“Now this is what I call workin' together! Heh... this is gonna be the best Social ever!”

Big Macintosh nodded, smiling. He glanced up at Fluttershy and winked. The pegasus giggled and hovered above the sign, awaiting further instructions.

All the while, Rainbow's eyes lingered on Applejack. The pegasus was sweating, heaving, and aching from head to tail. Suddenly, none of it mattered. She smiled from ear to ear, her muzzle imparting a soft... warm sigh.

And that's precisely when she ran into the rising hilltop.

“OOF!” Rainbow Dash grunted, tumbling and grinding through the dirt. The weight of the wagon behind her shoved her violently forward until her collapsed body had made a deep trench in the earth. At last, Rainbow Dash crumpled to a stop amidst dangling clumps of mud and grass roots. She blinked, rolled her eyes, and groaned long and hard. “Eeeeeughhhhhhh...”

I, Me, Mine

“Rainbow Dash...?”

Rainbow Dash stirred slightly, half of her face mooshed against the unearthed topsoil.

“Rainbow...?” A tiny orange hoof poked and poked at her muzzle.

“Grnnngh...” Rainbow's eyes fluttered... then fluttered again. She blinked, squinting forward.

A foalish face came into focus. Violet eyes blinked beneath a tuft of matching mane hair. “You're... y-you're not hurt, are you?” The voice was tender, yet scared.

“Mmmfff...” Rainbow Dash squirmed, quivered, then slowly... slowly sat up. “Pffft... are you kidding?” She twisted her neck at one angle, cracking a half-dozen joints, then turned it the other way. “Guh... j-just... y'know... catching my breath.”

I gulped, fidgeting from one set of hooves to the other. “That deep in the dirt?” I remarked.

Rainbow looked at me with a sideways stare. “Huh?”

I pointed. “Can't you see the trench behind you? It's waaaaaay long.”

“Uhhhhh...” Rainbow glanced behind her, flinching as if suddenly remembering the chariot full of gardening tools that was still hitched to her body. “Oh. Uhm...”

“I saw you coming in,” I said with a nervous smile. “At first, I thought you were just seeing how close you could skim the hilltops. But then... uhh... eheh... you slammed belly-first.”

“Yeah... about that... uhh...” Rainbow Dash slapped the side of her skull, shaking flakes of dirt from her mane. After a blink or two, she cleared her throat and said, “I was... pr-practicing!”

I squinted at her. “Practicing?”

“Yup!” She stood up straight with a smirk. “Every now and then, I... pr-practice crash landings!”

“Why...?”

“Pffft. Duhhh!” She rolled her ruby eyes and grinned at me. “Not everything is fireworks and glory, squirt! If I'm expected to one day fly with the Wonderbolts, then I gotta be prepared to crash with the best of them too!”

My jaw dropped as I gawked at her. “Really...?”

“You bet! Boy, if I could list all the times Spitfire or Soarin' survived within a hair's breadth from bone-crushing death! The list would go longer than all the roads of Ponyville connected front to back! Or—buck—make that all the streets in Manehattan!”

“Wow...” I grinned wide. “I didn't realize being a Wonderbolt was so dangerous!”

“Not when you're totally prepared for the worst that gravity can throw at ya!” Rainbow Dash finally brushed the last of the dirt specks from her mane. The sunlight caught her complexion in a prismatic shine. “That's why I decided to see how I could take an emergency landing with all this crud attached behind me! Heh... light crashes are for noobs!”

“Awesome!” I hopped around and galloped towards my scooter. “I'm gonna go practice crashing right now!”

“WAIT!” Rainbow's voice cracked. I turned around to see her wincing with an out-stretched hoof. “I mean... uhm...” She tapped her chin, furrowed her brow, and eventually spat, “You can't! Not yet, that is!”

“Oh?” I blinked at her. “Why not?”

“Because... uh... y-you're body!” She smiled awkwardly. “You're too small! You don't have... the... r-right proportions yet to attempt a crash landing and not—like—tip over and grind your spunky little muzzle to oatmeal!”

“Oh...” I glanced down with a sad face.

“But come onnnnn...” She hobbled over, dragging the chariot a few feet and ruffling my mane with a hoof. “It's not like you can't practice suicidal death plunges when you're older, huh?”

“Heeheehee!” I smiled, my cheeks hurting a bit. “Ya think, when the day comes, you'll show me how to make such a crazy landing?”

“Heh... only if I'm not busy flying loopty-loops or giving autographs. Of course...” She tossed her mane and winked slyly my way. “You'll probably be my wingpony by then.”

I couldn't help but hop with a bursting gasp. “You mean it?”

“Hey. Don't get too excited. You'd just be a cadet. And me? I'd be a Five Star Admiral. Heck, they'll change the team flag so that it's just me and my wings being all awesome and glittery in the sunlight.”

“Wowwwwwww...”

“Right. So... uhm...” Rainbow Dash turned and glanced towards Sweet Apple Acres. I saw her smile fading slightly. Something else clouded her gaze, and ears twitched. “I... kind of have places to be...”

“You're going to go practice crashing some more?”

She sighed long and hard. “Yeahhhh... wait. I mean no.” She turned towards me. “Sorry, Scoots, but I've got places to be. Otherwise, I'd be totally into showing you the latest tricks I've learned. And—heh—believe you me, I've learned a flankload of new tricks lately.”

“Oh, I-I see...” I smiled as I clutched the handles of my scooter. “Whatever you've gotta do, I'm sure it's for the best.” My nostrils flared as I fought the urge to sigh. “I just hope I get to see you on the day you join the Wonderbolts.”

She turned to blink at me. “Huh?”

“You're the most awesome pony that's ever flown the skies, Rainbow,” I said, squeezing the handles tighter. “Seeing you make your dreams come true sort of... well...” I chuckled slightly. “It makes me think I'll get there too, someday.”

“Awwww... you...” She gulped and smirked. “You flatter me way too much, squirt.”

“Nuh uh! You really are the best!” I frown briefly. “There's no knocking what's best!”

“Uhhhh...” With a distracted gaze, she turned and stared at Sweet Apple Acres again. “Yeah...”

“So, uhm... see ya...” I kicked at the ground and rolled my scooter downhill. “I guess...”

Suddenly, I hear her voice rising in pitch from behind me. “Hey, pipsqueak. How would you like to hitch a ride with me?”

I spun around, wide-eyed. “You... you mean for real?”

“Well, not for fake!” Rainbow Dash smirked and patted the chariot hitched to her. “Hop on board, kiddo!”

“Wow!” I rush towards her, almost tripping over my own scooter. “Are we gonna practice crashing some more?”

She winced, but nevertheless smirked. “No... not quite. But I promise it'll be totally cool.” She helped me onto the chariot and attached the scooter to the back. “We just... uh... gotta make a stop or two first.”

“Hehehehe! Sure thing!”

Chariotloo

“So... uh...” I stirred in the back of the chariot, sharing room with bags of mulch while the wind blew in my face. “Why the yellow apron?”

Instantly, Rainbow Dash winced. Nevertheless, she put on a brave smirk and spoke against the whipping air. “Well, Scoots, you see... uhm... when a pony and a bank account love each other very much—”

“Heehee... I know you fly deliveries for Banner Company, Rainbow.”

“Oh, you do?”

“Yeah. I see you trot in and out the warehouse entrance—like—every week.”

“Is that so?” She turned her head and looked at me over her shoulder. “That's early in the mornings.”

“I know.”

“Shouldn't you be scooting your flank to school around that time in the day?”

I grimaced, avoiding her ruby-eyed gaze. “Y-yes, well... eheheh...”

“Not that I can blame you for wanting to steal a glance of my awesomeness every once and a while—even if it isn't exactly exciting...”

“What? You kidding?!” I leaned forward in the chariot, smiling. “Everything about your life is exciting, Rainbow!”

“Don't lean forward in a moving chariot, kiddo. For realsies.”

I sat back, my hooves planted against the floor. “Sorry.”

“Don't be sorry. Just be safe. Ahem.” Rainbow Dash flew us over treetops and glided along the fringes of a forest. “All I'm trying to say is—I know it's boring and maybe even lame at times, what with all the numbers and letters and history books n'crap—but that school stuff? You''ll wanna stick with that through the long haul. Trust me.”

“Right. Sure thing, Rainbow. But it's not really all that bad!” I smiled. “Miss Cheerilee is really really cool and she's got lots of interesting stuff to teach us all!”

“Well, great. 'Cuz the last thing I'd want you to do is skip out before you have a chance to finish all that learning.”

“Uh... right. I wouldn't ever do that.” I raised an eyebrow. “What makes you think I would?”

“Oh. Uhm. Nothing. Eheh...” Rainbow Dash's wings flapped as she carried us further towards the horizon. “You're a bright kid, Scoots. Don't ever forget that. And whatever you do, don't give up—especially when the going gets tough and your head starts to hurt from all the information. You'll find that going the distance is super, super cool. Like an endurance run!”

“Wow! You really know everything about everything, don'tcha Rainbow Dash?”

“Heh... if you only knew.”

“If I only knew what?”

“Tell me something, kiddo. Is that a new scooter of yours or did you get a paintjob recently?”

“What, this? Pffft. I built it.”

“Get out of town! Did you really?”

“Uh... yeah? Why's that so weird?”

“Not weird—it's awesome!”

I blinked, feeling my heart skip a beat. “It is?”

“What I wouldn't give to build stuff like that when I was your age.”

“Pfft... It's just a scooter.”

“Nuh uh. It's your scooter! You do totally sick tricks on that thing that put all the other foals to shame! And now I learn that you've built it?” Rainbow Dash smirked over her shoulder. “That shows me you're not just a pony who's skilled at what she does, but she's dead-set on being the best she can be at it!”

“Heh... heheheheheh...” I hugged myself, giggling uncontrollably. I smiled through burning cheeks. “It's just something I like to do...”

“Then stick with it, cuz it works for ya, kid.”

“Hey!” I leaned forward again—caught myself—and sat back on my haunches obediently. “You think I'll earn a cutie mark in scooter-building?”

“Beats the heck out of me. But whatever you do get, I'm sure it'll blow pony minds from here to Gallipdor.”

“Where's Gallipdor?”

“I dunno. I just made it up.”

“Heeheehee...”

“But for real, kid. Don't stress the whole cutie mark thing. Just stick to doing what you like and what you're good at and the magic will happen on its own.”

“You really think so?”

“Scoots, I know so.”

“Cooool...” I smiled. A few seconds, and I slyly grinned. “You still didn't explain why you're wearing the yellow apron.”

“Er... I was hoping you'd forget that.”

“Well?”

“This thing?” Rainbow Dash tugged at the article with a hoof. “Eh... I made it.”

I blinked. “For real?”

“Pfft. No. Just pulling your leg.”

“Heeheeheehee—Rainbowwwwww...”

“Heh heh heh heh...” She took a deep breath and spread her wings out in a glide. “Hold on tight, kid.” I obeyed her as we gently descended towards a cottage located on the northeast edge of the forest below. “I think we've about reached our destination.”

Mulch Ado About Nothing

I sat up on the edge of the now-empty chariot, dangling my lower legs as I hummed to myself. As a gust of wind blew at my mane, I turned and gazed at the front yard of the cottage.

Rainbow Dash laid out the last of the mulch, wiping the sweat from her brow. She put on a brave smile and turned towards an elder mare who stood at the front entrance to the ramshackle house. I was too far away to hear the conversation, but I did see Rainbow pulling out a clipboard and gently coaxing the old pony to sign along the bottom of a sheet of paper.

Something moved in the corner of my vision. I glanced at the windows of the run-down cottage. For a moment there, I could have sworn I saw—like—a million cats staring out from their perches. I squinted curiously, my muzzle scrunched up in confusion.

At last, Rainbow Dash saluted and glided back towards me. I looked over her shoulder as the old mare stumbled her way into her house, having to slide past a mountain of junk threatening to spill out as soon as the door opened.

Rainbow's cracking voice snapped me out of my gaze. “Whew! Why do all old mares smell like sawdust and hospitals? Somepony should write a book about it.”

“I don't like hospitals,” I muttered.

“Heh... why's that, kid? They're all about making ponies get better.”

I shrugged. “It doesn't matter.” I looked up at her with a warm smile. “You done?”

“Yup.” Rainbow flipped through the sheets on her clipboard. “Flew all the way just to dump the mulch and get a signature. Pretty run of the mill.”

“Uh huh...”

“Too bad you couldn't join me on a delivery to—say—Dream Valley. I hear the songs sung at the rivers are really rocking.”

I almost went cross-eyed. “Songs sung at the rivers?”

“Eh... it's a long story.”

“Rainbow, could you ask me something?”

“So long as you keep it safe for work, kid.”

“Huh?”

She rolled her eyes and smirked. “Ask anything, Scoots.”

I lean forward from the chariot's side. “How come you're delivering boring stuff while dressed in an apron?”

“Uhmmmmm...”

“Wouldn't you rather be—y'know—practicing your killer moves for the Wonderbolts or breaking speed records?” I sliced my hoof through the air while imitating propeller noises. “Vrmmmm-mmmm-mmm! Y'know, like normal?”

“Normal? Pfft! Please, kid. I'm too awesome for normal.”

“What's so awesome about making deliveries, then?”

Rainbow froze in place, blinking. “It's... uh...” She chuckled nervously. “It's complicated, Scoots. But sometimes—as radical as you may be—you've still gotta do stuff to get by, ya understand?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I don't.”

“Oh.” Her ears folded, and she tapped her chin. “Hmmmm...” A blink, and she smirked. “What's something that you really hate to do that your parents force you to do?”

I shuddered from head to tail. “Brrrrrbbrrr... going to the dentist.”

“Uhh... besides that. Like, an activity.”

“Oh!” I sighed and glanced aside. “Chores, I guess.”

“Like what kind of chores?”

“Oh, y'know.” I shrugged. “Raking leaves. Trimming the lawn. Cleaning out the gutters. My dad does most of the work, but he still makes me hang around as if I'm somehow lending a hoof. Most of the time I feel like I'm just hobbling around, doing nothing.”

“But it's not nothing, is it?”

“Well, no... I guess. I mean, the lawn's gotta look good or else we'd be the laughing stock of Ponyville.”

“Heh... I dunno about that, but sure...” Rainbow trotted up to the chariot and began hitching herself to it again. “You see, Scoots, we're all here on this earth to do wicked cool stuff. Especially us pegasi, ya feel me?”

“Heehee...” I smiled. “I do.”

“Celestia knows where unicorns and earth ponies would be without us to keep the skies clear and the weather chillaxed. But, some of the time, doing our part can be... y'know... really boring.”

“Or lame?”

“I try not to use that word unless I totally mean it, kid.”

“Oh. R-right. Sorry.”

“Pfft! Don't be. Some horses are more sensitive than others, not me.”

“Heh...”

“But, y'know, in more ways than one, we gotta tackle what's ahead of us so that we can keep the world moving. It may be boring from time to time...” She paused to sigh, tugging at the yellow material of her apron. “Even stupid once in a while.” She turned to smirk at me. “But, y'know, all the better! Cuz the sooner we get the dull stuff done...” Her wings spread as she winked. “The sooner we win ourselves time to be awesome like we were born to be!”

“So...” I squinted and leaned forward. “You got all of this delivery stuff out of the way so you could have free time later to practice more sick flying moves?”

“Uhhhh... Oh! Totally!” Rainbow rubbed her chin, then slowly grinned. “And I can't think of a better pony to spend time doing that with than you.”

I nearly fell off the chariot with how hard I gasped. “R-Really?”

“Heh... easy there, squirt.” She reached over and ruffled my mane. “You'll bust some squishy foal organ. Now sit tight with all legs and feathers inside the chariot.” She took a galloping start and lifted us effortlessly into the bright blue sky. “Time I worked out a little bit of rust... and you get to judge!”

“Wooohoooo!” I pumped a hoof in the air, nearly falling back from the sharp ascent. “Whoah!”

“Easy, now...”

Praise-Worthy

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...” Rainbow Dash spread her feathers, backflipped, and came down in a spiraling plunge. “...this one I call the wind whipping special!” She pulled up at the last second, her outstretched wings creating a thunderclap of ruptured air that followed in her wake, ripping several blades of grass up out of their roots in the hilltop.

“Wowwwwwww!” I cooed, even as I was being knocked back into the parked chariot on the hill's crest. “Ooof! Do that last one again, Rainbow Dash!”

“Uh uh! If I do, then I'll end up on some angry landscaper's hit list!” She slowed down her circular flight just long enough to bestow me a daredevilish wink. “But I got something even better! Check this out!”

Pulling up, she ascended rapidly, bursting through three clouds in a row. When she was three hundred meters up, she suddenly stopped, coiling her wings at her side. She clutched her hooves to her chest, turned into a curled blue ball, then plummeted outright.

I gasped, my wide eyes trailing her falling figure. “Pull up, Rainbow!” I sputtered, then hopped up to my squirming hooves. “Pull up pull up pull up!”

“Haaaaa!” She spread her wings at the last second, corkscrewed out of her plunge, and zig-zagged up and down with a whizzing noise from her feathers. “And that's the reverse firework! Banned in seven countries and a griffon province! Heh...” She soared past me and flung her hoof down to slap my fluttering bangs. “Had you for a minute there, didn't I, squirt?”

“Hmmmph...” I folded my forelimbs and tried my trembling best to look tough. “I w-wasn't scared at all!” I blinked, watching her climb up again. “What are you doing now?” I suddenly gasped and hopped in place. “Oooh! Oooh! The Buccaneer Blitz?”

The sound of her voice traveled down to me. “Sorry, kiddo! But that would blind a full crowd of adult ponies. I shudder to think of what it would do to you!”

“Awwww—I can handle it!”

“Pffft. Forget it. I've got something even cooler.”

“Cooler than the Buccaneer Blitz?!”

“Yup! Feast your eyes...” Rainbow Dash snarled through clenched teeth as she prepared the mother of all plunges. “...on the Glorious Graviton Galore!” I suddenly heard a shrill whistling noise. Squinting my eyes, I spotted a pocket of compressed air forming in front of Rainbow's diving body. My heart skipped a beat, and I felt my blood run cold.

“Uh... Rainbow...?”

She shouted something reassuringly, but it was hard to understand it. Before my eyes, I watched as she spun her body around, so that her lower legs were now plunging first. Suddenly, the pocket of air that was between her and the earth compressed, forming a veritable spring board of expanding gases.

THOOOM! Thunder rolled, knocking me onto my blank flank. At the same time, Rainbow Dash sprung back from the burst of air, spinning like a top and spreading her wings out so as to descend in a twisted glide. She landed on the grass in front of me with skidding hooves, coming to a stop just an inch from my drooped tail.

“Hah!” Rainbow Dash smirked proudly. “You're the second pony to ever see me do that, kid.”

“R-really?”

“Yup. The first was Fluttershy.”

I blew the bangs out from my face and stammered, “What did she say?”

“Beats me. The poor gal fainted.”

“Heeheeheehee!”

“Whew!” Rainbow Dash fwomped down onto the grass besides me. “Luna on a bike! My head's buzzing.”

“Yours?” I grinned. “My blood's bubbling just from watching you own the skies!”

“Eh... the sky was asking for it,” Rainbow Dash said, waving a hoof. “Between sun-up and sun-down, it thinks it can rock my coat color. Pffft. Amateur imitator...”

“Heeheeheee... Wow, I wish I could think up stuff that quick and snappy!”

“Who said anything about thinking?” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “The key is living it.” She reached over and yanked my bangs down over my eyes. “And you don't get there by second-guessing everything, ya feel me?”

“How, Rainbow?” I parted my mane and smiled rosily at her. “Just how do you have everything so figured out?”

“Heh... trial and error, kid.” Rainbow Dash stared up at the clouds, her nostrils flaring. “Believe me. There're a ton of bumps and burps alike on the path to becoming awesome. Even if you have it born within you, there's a flankton of things to butt your head against before you've got everything perfected.”

“You... y-you think I have awesomeness born inside of me?”

She turned her head in the grass, squinting at me. She smirked. “The way you rock that scooter, day in and day out, it'd be a shame if you didn't.”

“Well, I dunno...” I shrug, staring down at my hooves. “I mean, I guess I'm pretty slick and all...”

“Dang straight.”

“But it's nothing compared to you, Rainbow Dash.” I looked up with a soft smile. “Just, how does it feel? I often wonder what it's like, y'know... to wake up each day knowing how on top of everything you are. To be the strongest and fastest pony alive.”

“Yeah...” Rainbow suddenly muttered. I saw her flexing her left forelimb in her right hoof's grasp. “It's... uh... it's pretty killer, Scoots...”

“Really, though, I'd give anything to be like you... but...”

Rainbow blinked. She looked aside at me. “Hmmm? But what?”

“Well...” I smiled bashfully. “If I was like you, then there wouldn't be much of you left, now would there?”

Rainbow stared off into the windblown fields beneath us.

I continued. “If I never end up as awesome as you, then... th-then that's okay, Rainbow...” I smiled hopefully. “Cuz I'll at least know you're still out there, being the best pegasus Equestria has ever had.”

“Scoots, for real...” Rainbow Dash sat up, staring at me with a remarkably calm expression. “Don't do that...”

“Do what?”

“Don't sell yourself short. Even when it concerns me.”

“But... but...” I blinked, squinting worriedly at her. “You really are the best, Rainbow. I mean... aren't you?”

She gulped, glancing down at her forelimbs again. “Yeah, but...”

“But nothing!” I smiled. “And I wouldn't want to spend the day with anypony else!”

Rainbow's mouth opened, but she lingered for a while before saying anything. “You... you really do think the world of me, don't you, kid?” She gazed off past the chariot.

“Yeah... I-I mean, why shouldn't I... Rainbow?” I was worried at how silent she was. Trotting forward, I tilted my head, following the path of her gaze. I saw nothing but rows of glistening apple orchards. “Is... is everything okay?”

I felt a firm hoof on my shoulder.

I looked up.

She smiled warmly. “More than okay. I feel like stretching my wings a bit more. How about you?”

“Rainbow...” I blushed and dug at the soil. “You... uh... y-you know very well that I can't.”

“Pffft. Since when is that gonna stop you?” She leaned down and winked. “Or us for that matter?”

I blinked. I glanced at her outstretched wings, then at her face again. “You... y-you mean...?”

“Yup.” She turned around and gave me room to climb into her back. “Hop on, squirt. And hold on tight.”

“Omigosh omigosh omigosh...” I bit onto the edges of my hooves. “But... wh-what if my weight throws your off or something—?”

“You friggin' forget who you're talking to, kid,” she droned. “Now hop aboard. I don't make this kind of offer twice.”

“Okay...” I gulped, then smiled as I trotted nervously forward, trying to contain my joy. “Okay. You sure?”

Rainbow's hooves squirmed against the ground. I heard her inhale hard before saying through a smirk, “Yup. No turning back now.”

I clung tight to her shoulders, my body tensing up. “Rainbow, I... I don't know what to say. Thank you.”

“You've eaten lunch today, Scoots?”

“Uhm... yes?”

“Then don't thank me yet.” WOOSH! And suddenly we were both in the clouds.

“Gaaaaaaaaaa-hahahahaaaaaaaa!”

Smooth Moves

“I call this one the nasty nibbles!” Holding her breath, Rainbow Dash jerked left and right through the air, zig zagging at near ninety-degree angles. Through sheer speed, miniature bursts of thunder clapped all around her and the filly clinging to her shoulders.

“Whoahhhh-hee-hee-hee!” I squealed, grinning against the fuzz-rippling winds. “Wowwww!” At last, the two of us evened out, and I found time to breathe. “Cool! It's like the sky's taking tiny little bites out of us!”

“Heh... very smart, kid.” Rainbow winked over her shoulder. “You win a cookie. And now—”

“The buccaneer blitz?” I ask with sparkling eyes.

Rainbow sighed, smiling slyly. “Good try, kid. But I'm not gonna end up with you cooked like a goose.”

“Awwwwww...”

“We will, however, share a taste of the radical clear cloud clap!” I felt Rainbow's lungs expanding, then holding tight as she lifted the two of us high, high up.

I gasped, glancing out my peripheral vision as the horizon ducked low beneath us. The world was a green splotch of fuzzy happenstance, and I couldn't hear my own cheering through the blood rushing through my ears.

Rainbow Dash's wings flapped and flapped. I felt us tilting back, raising up like a ballast rising straight towards the surface of a grand blue ocean. Then, at some point, Rainbow purposefully stalled. Half a second later, we both went plunging straight down with Rainbow's lower legs pointed earthward. I felt my stomach shooting towards the nape of my neck, and I clung harder to Rainbow's shoulders.

Just as the air past us began whistling, Rainbow jerked back, spreading her wings wide with each feather stretched out. A cushion of air formed beneath us, and just as it reached the breaking point, Rainbow thrusted forward and sprung off it with her rear legs. POW! A monstrous burst of air propelled us forward. I watched with darting eyes as we outflew the vaporous shockwave of the blast, before once again twirling towards the sunny sky.

When the noise of disrupted air settled, I became aware of my incessant giggles. “...hee hee hee! Oh wowwwww—That was awesome!”

“Yup. That tends to happen when I'm defying gravity.”

“Rainbow...” I smile smugly, leaning in to speak directly into her ears. “You could totally be awesomer.”

“The fuzz are you going on about, kid?”

“I mean stop holding back!” I grinned. “I wanna feel what it's like to rule the skies like you!”

“Heheh... but this is the total package, squirts! You're getting full, unmitigated, one hundred percent concentrate awesome! That's awesome with no pulp in it!”

“For real?”

“Would I lie to you?”

“Then how about the forward filly flip?”

“The what?!”

“You know, that one trick that I've seen you do with Fluttershy's pet bunny!”

“You mean before she breaks down in tears and tells me never to pick up Angel ever again?”

“Yeah, that one!”

“Er... I-I dunno...” Rainbow Dash looked ahead as we glided along. “Not to sound mean or anything, but you're a teensy bit heavier than a bunny rabbit...”

“Oh come on! You've carried four grown ponies at once before!”

“Uhhh—”

“At the Best Young Fliers Competition, remember?”

“Eh heh heh... yeah... s-sure.” She gulped. “But that was... erm...”

“Come onnnnn!” I yank and tug at her shoulders, grinning. “I wanna feel awesome! Like you!”

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. “It'd make you really happy, huh?”

“Rainbow Dash, just being up here with you is super killer sick...” I smile. “But if you think it's too dangerous, then I'm totally okay with—”

“Pffft! Buck that!” Rainbow grinned daredevilishly over her shoulder. “Besides, if you're ever gonna do this trick yourself, ya gotta learn from the best!”

“Yaaaaaaaaay!”

“Don't cheer yet!” Rainbow Dash shouted, gaining altitude with mightily flapping wings. “For me to pull this off, I'm gonna need your cooperation!”

“Uhhhh...” I suddenly gulped. “In wh-what way?”

“When I shout 'jump,' I need you to spring your lower legs just like you're hopping a fence.”

“What? I never hop fences!”

“You forget who you're talking to, kid.”

I blushed, glancing down at the bowing horizon. “You r-really do see everything from this high, don't you?”

“Shhh! Concentrate! When I say 'jump'—”

“I spring my lower legs!”

“Darn straight! Don't worry if you don't get much air! Don't worry about everything! You hear me?”

I nodded and nodded some more. “Sure thing, Rainbow Dash—”

“No matter what, I'm going to catch you.” Her eyes momentarily glared. “Do you trust me?”

I exhaled with a grin. “With my life...”

“Heh. That works.” Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. “Okay...” She accelerated, gliding forward over treetops. “Get ready...”

My body tensed, my hooves planted against her upper flank.

She took a deep breath, twirled upside down, and shouted “JUMP!”

“Gnnngh!” I did so, springing myself forward—and yet earthward. My body plummeted at a high velocity.

In the meantime, Rainbow Dash used the thrust from my kicking legs to fly upwards at a steep angle. Still upside down, she angled her wings, arced downwards, and performed a full flip. She came back and around in time to intercept me. “Aaaaaaaaaaaand... bingo!” She thrusted both hooves forward... tingling with numbness.

I fell straight through her grip.

Rainbow gasped silently, her eyes twitching. She looked past her tingling hooves at the orange shape hurdling towards the ground.

Treetops and sharp brambles lingered far below.

“CRUD!” Rainbow's voice cracked behind her tail, for she was already diving towards me at unearthly speeds. “Crud crud crud crud crud crud!” Seething, she gritted her teeth against the whipping winds, forming a frictious pocket of air around her blue arrowhead body.

My body sailed past the treelines and into a sea of razor sharp branches-branches-branches—

“Hnnnnngh—!” Rainbow barreled through the mess, spun her body upside down beneath me, and caught me in all four legs. “Gotcha!”

The air cracked with snapping twigs. Rainbow clenched her teeth, hugging my body to her chest as she weathered every ricocheting smack and blow. Somehow, she flew the two of us blindly backwards, emerging from the tree-line in a jagged glide through the earth. Her flank formed a muddy trench as we grinded to a stop, facing skyward.

Rainbow wheezed and wheezed for breath. As for me...

“Wooo-hooooo! Yaaaaaaaaay!” I clapped my hooves together and tilted my head up to nuzzle her chin. “That. Was. So. Awesome! Let's do it again!”

Rainbow panted and panted and panted... her muzzle pale as she felt blood settling in her numb extremities.

“Heeheehee...” I breathed easier, my pulse returning to normal. I blinked awkwardly at the four pegasus limbs still clinging to me tightly from behind. “Uhhh... Rainbow?” I tilted my muzzle again. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah... yeah... everything's... okay...” Rainbow gulped.

“That wasn't how I remembered seeing you do the forward filly flip!” I said, grinning. “Did you improve on the trick!”

“That... Scootaloo...” Rainbow wheezed. “...is how you practice crashing.”

“Whoahhhhh!” I cooed. “So you let me try it out after all! Wow! Hahahaha! That's so cool!”

“Hah hah hah hah... hah hah... hahhhhhh...” Rainbow glanced towards the faraway chariot with a sweating expression. “Yeahhhhhhhh... Let's... uhm... g-get you home to your parents now, kiddo...”

Entirely Insignificant

“We're here, squirt!” Rainbow Dash chirped as the chariot grinded to a stop in the road before my house.

“Awwwwwwww...” I pouted, slumped over the side of the vehicle. “But we just took off—like—minutes ago!”

“Hey. Not my fault I was born fast!” Rainbow Dash winked, unhitched herself, and trotted over. “Besides, we got to spend plenty of time together today, didn't we?”

“Mmmmm-yeahhhhhh...”

“Then what's to complain about?” Rainbow Dash gripped me by my sides and hoisted me out and onto the grass. “Now, no whining. Or else you'll start to sound like my friend who may or may not be a vampire.”

“Heeheeheee...” I glanced up at her, smiling. “How do you manage to be so awesome, so funny, so talented, and so sure of yourself all at once?”

“Eh... I dunno...” She shrugged with a smirk. Reaching into the chariot, she pulled my scooter out and planted it down beside us. “Guess I just don't sweat it, y'know?” She suddenly blinked, her face blank.

I was leaning in, nuzzling her chest with a happy smile. My wings twitched as I said, “Well, thank you for sharing it all with me. You're the best, Rainbow Dash. You totally made my day... my week!”

Rainbow Dash bit her lip, but ultimately produced a subtle grin. “Heh... don't get all gushy on me, kid. You'll stain the fur...”

“Heeheehee...”

“Seriously. Run along, Scoots.” Rainbow Dash patted my head. “Your folks are probably cooking dinner for you or something.”

“Yeah...” I winced slightly. “Odds are, it's my goose too.”

“Huh?”

“Heh... don't you fret. Everything's gravy.” I hopped onto the scooter, kicked with my hooves, and zoomed over the lawn to my front door. “See ya, Rainbow Dash!” I hollered over my shoulder, waving a forelimb. “Stay awesome!”

“Yeah... uh...” Rainbow Dash quietly waved back. “I'll try.” A brief gust of wind blew at her mane. She was alone. Silently, she glanced down and ran a hoof over her chest where the little filly had nuzzled her.

Clink! Rainbow slapped the empty mug onto the tabletop.

“Hic!” Bleary eyed, she wiped her muzzle free of cider foam and squinted at the other ponies seated across from her. “You guys ever had an idol when you were foals?”

Vinyl Scratch glanced up from her music sheets. “Hmmm?”

“You mean...” Bon Bon rubbed her chin while gripping a mug in the other hoof. “Like... somepony we always wanted to be like?”

“Does Sylvia Plots count?” Lyra droned.

Vinyl glanced across the table. “I didn't know you read Sylvia Plots.”

“I don't.” Lyra sipped at a mug, smirking. “I just love her friggin' name.”

“Marilyn Maneroe,” Caramel said, his ears drooping over a dumb smile. “I always... always admired her glamour and class...”

“Easy there, princess,” Lyra muttered aside. “Don't make me put the hose on you.”

Caramel blushed red as a beet. “It w-wasn't ever like th-that!”

“No—not like celebrities, guys!” Rainbow frowned. “I mean more like—hic—somepony you grew up with. A pony older than you that you wanted to follow in the wingstrokes of.”

“Ohhhh!” Bon Bon smiled in the neon light from the bar's frontside window. “I had a fantastic teacher when I was in third grade. She helped me discover my love of baking which led to my cutie mark.”

“I had a music instructor who taught me classic orchestral symphonies in high school,” Vinyl said.

Bon Bon glanced aside. “Wow. That sounds like such a wonderful subject matter.”

“Pfft. You kidding?” Vinyl smirked. “I hated his guts.” She turned back to her music sheets and continued scribbling. “Ticking him off was the first step I took in exploring the world of unconventional discotheque music. I haven't looked back since.”

“Unnnnngh...” Rainbow Dash's head sank to the tabletop.

“Lemme guess...” Bon Bon smiled nervously. “Not what you're aiming at either?”

“It might help us get to the friggin' point by getting to the friggin' point,” Lyra grumbled into her mug.

“You ponies know me well,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “Sometimes even more than my other friends do.”

“You mean your friendly friends?” Lyra said.

Caramel giggled. “Her daytime friends.”

“Hah...” Vinyl's lips curved.

“It's not—hic—like that!” Rainbow frowned.

“We know, Rainbow.” Bon Bon reached across the table to pat her hoof and smiled. “Please, do go on.”

“What... just...” Rainbow fidgeted. “What is it that would make a foal think the world of me?”

“Uhhhh...” Vinyl penstroked a few music notes and glanced up above her shades. “You might wanna be a bit more specific.”

“There's a lot of little tykes here in Ponyville that fill that rocking boat, girl,” Lyra said.

“You serious...?” Rainbow slurred.

“Are you kidding, Rainbow Dash?” Caramel said in a gasping voice. “The foals of this town adore you!”

“She's onto something,” Vinyl said calmly. “I've performed at cute-se-nearas, y'know. They no longer hire clowns or Princess Celestia impersonators. Yeesh, if I had a bit for everytime I've seen a rainbow colored mane...”

Rainbow Dash squinted. “You bucking serious?”

“Is it really that hard to friggin' believe?” Lyra asked. “I mean, you eat this sort of crud right up.”

Rainbow Dash fidgeted both hooves around the mug, her gaze falling to the floor. “Yeah... I guess I do...”

“Surely you've thought about it before,” Bon Bon said. “I mean... really thought about it.”

“Guess I haven't,” Rainbow muttered. “I mean... heh... I am awesome.” She tipped the mug over into her mouth, then frowned as she remembered it was out of cider. With a sigh, she slumped back into her seat. “I earn cheers and applause every friggin' day. As much as I dig it, a lot of it kind of goes over my head.”

“I guess with as big as it's gotten in the past, it was only natural for the swelling to subside,” Lyra said with a grin.

“Hardy har har...” Rainbow Dash slicked her mane back and sighed. “But you've got something of a point. There was a time when it was all cool, y'know? But now... it's... it's...”

“Not cool?” Caramel asked.

“No. It's still cool. It's just...” Rainbow bit her lip while her wings coiled tightly at her side. “It feels different. A little weirder, almost.”

“What's changed?” Bon Bon asked.

“I dunno. Me, I guess?”

Bon Bon brushed her banes back, gazing off in thought. Then, with a gentle smile, she stared at Rainbow again. “Is it really so hard for you to imagine a pony who spends everyday worshipping the ground that another pony walks on?”

“Yeah, well...” Rainbow Dash blinked crookedly. She lifted her gaze up at Bon Bon. “What are you getting at?”

“I've got an even better question for you, Rainbow.” Bon Bon leaned forward. “What is it that really brings you here tonight?”

“Huh?”

“We haven't seen you in over a week,” Vinyl said.

“Right,” Lyra muttered, her voice muffled by her mug. “And we all know that only one pony drives you to drink these days.”

Rainbow's eyes narrowed. She snorted, then snorted again. “Guys!” A weak laugh. “That has... HIC! That has nothing to do with anything!”

“You sure?” Lyra glanced over. “That's an interesting choice of drink you've made for the umpteenth time in a row.”

“Look... even if there was... some...” Rainbow gestured and gestured and gestured. “...connection...” She teetered in her seat, then grimaced. “It's not the same! I... I...” She sighed. “I love her...”

“Nopony's doubting that, honey,” Bon Bon said. “And far be it from us to ever dissuade you from clinging to those feelings.”

“Far... far... super far be it from us,” Lyra droned. “Like... you'd need a Celestia-damned telescope just to see how—”

“That's enough, Lyra,” Bon Bon said, caressing the unicorn's shoulder. She turned to smile gently at Rainbow once again. “But, perhaps—just maybe—it's a tad bit frightening for somepony who's so used to loving to get acquainted with what it means to be loved.”

Rainbow Dash sat still, gazing into nothing. Her muzzle hung agape while her left and right ears twitched alternatively.

“Fully and unconditionally,” Bon Bon added with a soft grin.

Rainbow Dash gulped. Slowly, her head shook, and she looked up with misty eyes. “I... I don't get it. I mean... what am I? Just... what am I?” She sniffled, and toyed with a few of her prismatic bangs while staring into the tabletop. “Every week... day in and day out... I go to sleep and I wake up thinking about the same thing... dreaming about... about her.” She swallowed hard, then murmured, “And it's not like it's ever going to go anywhere. I know what she wants. I know what she doesn't want. So why don't I just drop it? Besides, a clever pony would have done something by now. What do I ever do? Fly in circles and bang her head against the floor over and over again? That's not awesome. That's lame. And one of these days, I swear, it's going to bring me crashing straight... st-straight through...” She winced as her words trailed off.

The other four stared at her quietly. Muffled music wafted through the bar like a distant dirge.

Rainbow sighed. Her vision went foggy, so she clenched her eyes shut for as long as it took to dry them. Clearing her throat, she finally muttered, “I swear, I often wonder why I don't just... y'know... drop the whole thing altogether...”

Silence.

Caramel meekly spoke up, “Because then it wouldn't be love...?”

Bon Bon and Lyra flinched. Vinyl turned to blink at the stallion.

Rainbow's wings drooped while a shadow crossed her slack features. She sighed out her nostrils before ultimately muttering, “The cider here friggin' sucks.” The pegasus dropped some bits onto the tabletop and flapped her wings. “It's been a swell time, guys, but I gotta skate. Got cloud kicking to do in the morning.” She teetered slightly to the side. “Whoah!”

“Are...” Bon Bon half-stood up. “Are you sure you can make it home on your own?”

“Pffft. Of course. What do you take me for?” She smirked down at the group. “Thanks for the offer.”

“Oh... uh... no pr-problem!” Bon Bon said with a nervous smile.

“Saves us the trouble of building another catapult,” Lyra muttered.

“Lyra!” Bon Bon hissed.

“HIC!” Rainbow fluttered towards the front door and waved at the bartender on the way out. “Smell ya horses later.” With a rattling bell, she was gone.

The group sat in somber silence until Lyra spoke up. “Hey Vinyl. Be a dear and pass me one of those pencils of yours, kay?”

“Uhhhh...” Vinyl rolled the utensil in question over. “'Kay.”

Lyra grabbed it, pulled her hoof back, and tossed it against Caramel's skull. Bonk!

“Ouchies!” The stallion grasped his silken head.

Chainsaws Anonymares

Breathless, a young Rainbow Dash leaned in, forcefully nuzzling his chin with a frazzled mane of unkempt color. “Dad!” she panted and panted some more. “Dad! Y-you have to get up, Dad!” She sat up against a window overlooking windswept Cloudsdale. “I just came back from the hospital! Some ponies will be here real soon, but you have to get up now so we can meet them—”

“That's... th-that's nice, champ...” He coughed and wheezed, his legs squirming—but ultimately falling back with an ineffectual slump. “You... you did good...”

“I told them to come right away with a chariot!” she said between hyperventilating breaths. “I... I-I outflew them. I'm faster. I'm...” She gritted her teeth, wincing. “I'm always faster, Daddy. I just wish... w-wish I could have carried you there! I... I'm not strong enough. I'm so sorry—”

“No... never sorry...” A pale hoof limply reached out. “Don't... ever b-be...”

Clenching her jaw, Rainbow picked his hoof up and rested against her cheek.

A pair of glazed eyes reflected her jittery figure. A threadbare mane flounced as his lips curved. “Ahhh... th-there's my little rainbow...”

“Please, Dad...” She squeaked, her voice wavering more and more. “Get up. They'll get you on the chariot faster if you just make it to the front door. Like last time...”

“Rainbow...”

“Please!” She tugged and tugged, stifling a whimper. “We gotta move! We gotta get you out the door—”

“...do you... do you know, Rainbow...” A cough. Sputtering. “How much I love you...?”

She cracked a grimace, her eyes tearing. “Dad...”

“Shhhh...” His hoof moved just enough to caress her cheek. “I love you, my little champ. I truly... fully love... and adore you...” A hissing breath. “Will always cherish... tucking you in bed each night...”

Rainbow clenched her eyes shut, rubbing her face against his hoof. “Dad. Please. Don't...”

“A kiss... for every color...” A bright smile upon the penumbra of windowlight. “So proud... so very proud...”

“They'll b-be here anytime soon, Dad. Just... just hold on. Please? Just hold on, Dad. You gotta...”

“Rainbow...”

She seethed and seethed, sniffling.

His hoof tickled her nose. “Rainbow...” A breath trailing on the wind. “Don't...” A murmur. A hush. “Never alone, my ch-champ...” The hoof lay limp in her grasp.

Rainbow gasped, her teary eyes wide.

“Dad?”

“... ... ...”

“Dad?!”

“... ... ...”

“Dnngh... D-Daddy?!”

Rainbow's adult eyes opened, thin and wet.

Slowly, she sat up in bed.

Shadows surrounded her. The dim glow of a distant morning loomed beyond the window.

After several shuddering seconds, she raised her own hoof against her cheek. She stained her fetlock with the moisture from her eyes and glanced at it. The numbness was too thick to even feel her own tears.

“Hrmmmmnngh...” Any residual sadness was instantly wiped away by an impenetrable wave of hangover. “Guhhhhhh...” She clutched her head, bending over as if she was about to hurl. “Buck me with a chainsaw...”

Silence.

Groaning, she tossed the covers off—or at least tried to. Her limbs tingled too dully to accomplish much of anything. So, with a frustrated growl, she flapped her wings and simply hovered across the room. This only nauseated her more as the fluids in her ear enflamed her brain lobes on either side.

At last, she lurched her way to the door and flung the thing open with twin puppet limbs. Right away, a living statue stood outside with a lampshade hanging over his antlers like a hat.

“Wooooo-hooooo!” Lancie made “devil horns” with his talons. “Quite a party we had last night, duuuuuude!”

“Take it off,” she grumbled, floating dizzily past him. “You look double the idiot.”

“Well, it takes one to multiply one!” Lancie tilted the lampshade up and squinted at her with stone eyes. “Where were you yesterday?”

“Flying.”

“And last night?”

“Flying.”

“And later this afternoon?”

“Throwing you into a trash compactor,” she muttered. “And then some more flying.”

“How quaint.” He slapped the lampshade down, hopped atop it, and ran his feet across the round surface, propelling himself in a serpentine pattern across her apartment floor. “And when—pray tell—are you going to go after the next piece of myself and prevent the black market from unleashing chaotic apocalypse upon the surface world?”

“Nnnnngh...” She clenched her eyes shut, leaning her aching skull against a wall of cloudstone. “Soon.”

“How soon soon?”

“Soon enough.” She flapped her wings and drifted limply towards the bathroom. “Just let me be.”

“Pfft. Some attitude that is.” He rolled to a stop against a wall of friendly portraits and folded his granite arms. “You confound me, Sparky. Sometimes I think you positively want the world to end anticlimactically—just like your everyday life.”

“Grrrrggh!” In a sudden frenzy, Rainbow Dash reached over and snatched him by the stone throat. “You wanna know something about the end of the world?!” she growled into his face. “It happens all the time, every day, for thousands of ponies! Don't you try guilt-tripping me into doing what you want faster 'cuz it's not gonna work with this pegasus!”

He smirked calmly into her enraged face. “I stood outside your door overnight.” He propped an elbow against her hoof and rested his chin on his paw. “What were you crying about in your sleep this time, Sparky? Hmmm? Couldn't count her freckles before the cider flood swept you away?”

Rainbow blinked. She seethed, clenched her eyes shut, and flung him blindly. “Nnnngh!”

“Weeeeeee—” Clatter! “Fappo!” He landed skull-first into a waste basket.

“New rule for around here!” she barked across the room. “Keep the buck away from my bedroom! And don't even pretend like you know me, pal! For you got another thing comin'!” She stormed off into the bathroom. “I'm taking a long shower. We'll go searching for the shard when I say and no sooner!”

The door slammed behind her.

“Nnnnngh...” Lancie wormed his way up to the edge of the waste basket and slumped against it. “Yeesh.” He smiled limply. “She wakes up with the worst colors in the morning...”

Not Feeling It

Rainbow Dash lay on her back across the shower floor with her shoulders propped up against the wall. She gazed blindly into the hazy mists while warm, warm water cascaded all over her head and mane. Her nostrils flared, her muzzle navigating the corners of a prolonged grimace.

With a quite groan, she plopped over to her side and hugged herself, curling her knees to her chest. She remained that way until the water supply overhead had drained itself. Even then, Rainbow lingered in the dripping silence of a cold stall, sighing to herself.

“And then the lil' guy said 'Why don't you come compete with me, big bro? We could totally kick the other ponies' flanks!'” Thunderlane smirked and rolled his eyes as he kicked a cloud to dissipating bits. “And then I said, 'Rumble, it's the Sisterhooves Social.' Colts don't quite cut it.”

Candy Floss giggled, holding a hoof over her muzzle. “No waaaaay. And then what happened?”

“Pfft. He cried, of course.”

“Oh. My. Celestia.” Candy Floss hugged herself, red in the face. “Your little brother is soooooo cute!”

“Heh. You ask me? He tries too hard.”

“Don't tell me you're embarrassed.”

“What? No! I love my little bro! Even if he's a little pansy from time to—” Thunderlane's words came to a stop as he glanced aside.

“What is it?” Candy Floss turned and blinked. “Oh! Hey, there you are, Rainbow Dash!” She waved at the pegasus floating limply towards them. “Better late than never, huh?”

“Meh.” Rainbow Dash flew to her station and began lethargically kicking clouds.

Candy Floss bit her lip. She looked at Thunderlane.

The stallion cleared his throat and pivoted in mid-air. “Your... uh... mane looks extra shiny, today, Miss Dash!” He ignored Candy's facehoofing and continued, “Did you just fly through a rain shower?”

“Meh.” Rainbow continued bucking clouds, drifting gradually away from the two.

Thunderlane raised an eyebrow.

Candy Floss fidgeted. With a worried expression, she opened her mouth to say something. Thunderlane placed a gentle hoof on her shoulder and shook her head. Their gazes lingering on the pegasus, the two flew off to the opposite edge of Ponyville's rooftops.

Rainbow Dash concentrated on her work, steadily kicking one patch of clouds clear after another.

Hours after weather flying, Rainbow Dash lay on a tree branch, overlooking the eastern half of Ponyville. She took a long breath, resting her limp muzzle on a pair of forelimbs.

Blinking, she stared down at the ponies trotting about their daily business. At one point, she spotted a very familiar yellow shape shuffling alongside a very familiar red shape. Raising her head, she narrowed her ruby eyes and leaned forward.

Big Macintosh and Fluttershy were trotting towards the marketplace. Big Mac had a large wagon full of produce behind him, and Fluttershy carried a dainty little saddlebag. After walking a block, the two stopped, turning to face each other. Fluttershy said something, her cheeks rosy. Big Mac chuckled, brushed the back of his head, and nodded while uttering one word.

Fluttershy leaned in, and the two nuzzled gently... but briefly. Backtrotting away from each other, they shared a lasting smile before going their separate ways. Rainbow's eyes lingered on Fluttershy, watching as the pegasus took off with an extraordinary show of strength and flew happily towards the far edge of town.

Rainbow Dash breathed quietly. She raised a hoof up to her cheek, rubbing concentric circles while closing her eyes. Her lips pursed, and for a moment she almost mimicked the nuzzling movement she had seen her friend engage in.

Suddenly, she winced. Opening her eyes with an exasperated expression, she stared at her hoof. Flexing and unflexing it, she sighed once again at the persistent, tingling numbness.

Her head tilted about. She stared at the spacious green canopy of Everfree Forest. Rainbow squirmed slightly... then squirmed again. Clenching her jaws, she finally rolled off the tree branch, performed a swift flip, and flapped her wings.

Effortlessly, she glided close to the earth, picked up speed, and coasted her way towards Everfree.

Rainbow Dash's hooves touched down on springy grass. Cicadas buzzed loudly above and around her as she stepped forward, one crunching step at a time.

At last, she stood before the front door to Zecora's hut. The smell of freshly burning incense tickled the pegasus' nostrils. The zebra had to have been home.

With a nervous breath, Rainbow Dash raised her hoof before the door. She paused, fidgeted, then lowered it. Instead, she chose to trot around and raise her wingfeathers to the door. She flapped them, making a knocking sound far louder than her forelimbs could at the moment.

“I'm making a brew, pony friend! But please, by all means, do come in!”

Rainbow gulped, opened the door, and stepped inside.

Magical Zebra Friend

“Hmmmm...” Zecora loomed over a table full of bubbling concoctions. She clasped a jar full of seedlings in her jaws and rattled a few of them into a frothing jar. The solution bubbled even more, and she leaned back to watch, licking her muzzle in intense concentration. When at last she could afford to, the shaman glanced over her shoulder at Rainbow Dash. “Ah, Rainbow Dash, I knew it was you!” She turned back to the table. “Forgive me, but I must maintain watch over this brew.”

Rainbow nodded quietly. She made her way to a stool and plopped down limply.

“There are far too many weeds on this side of Everfree,” Zecora said. “The flora is getting choked and a solution is up to me. After several hours of concentration, I do believe I can bring an end to the infestation.”

Rainbow's gaze fell to the floor. She quietly brought her lower legs up and hugged them to her chest.

Zecora spoke on. “Nature has a tenuous balance; that much is true. But maintaining that order often depends on the likes of me and you. As a pegasus, I'm certain you can understand. We are all meant to be the stewards of the air and...” She turned and blinked awkwardly at Rainbow Dash. “...land.”

Rainbow Dash continued to sit in silence, trembling as she hugged herself.

Zecora's lips pursed. She turned back to her table and poured the bubbling solution into a larger pot to contain it for the time being. Turning around, she trotted slowly towards the pegasus.

“Rainbow, you haven't spoken a single word, unless of course your welcoming speech I haven't heard.”

Rainbow remained silent.

The zebra blinked worriedly. “Something obviously troubles your spirit. Perhaps it would benefit you to speak it?”

With a sigh, Rainbow gazed up, her ruby eyes soft and vulnerable. “Why are you so alone, Zecora?”

She merely squinted at that.

“Day in, day out... all you do is hang out here... by yourself...” Rainbow Dash sighed. She reached up and scratched her head through her prismatic mane as she stared at the walls of the place. “It... it feels so lame. I mean... you're such a swell zebra. You know tons of awesome stuff and you manage Everfree like a boss.”

“Hmmm...” Zecora smirked softly. “I am hardly in control of what springs from the earth. I simply do what I can in good faith and mirth.”

“Exactly! And that's wicked cool! And... and...” Rainbow winced, shuddering. “More ponies should know about that. Should know about you. How can... Why are you so 'okay' with being alone? Every night. Sleeping by yourself. Dreaming by yourself. It's just... just so lonesome.” She gritted her teeth and glanced aside. “Nopony should ever be alone...”

Zecora stared warmly at her. She trotted a bit closer and said, “Rainbow, it is my the nature of my shamanistic ways. Solitude and serenity must occupy the bulk of my days.”

“Still doesn't feel right...”

“It works well enough for me.” Zecora grinned. “Facilitating the balance of nature fills me with glee.”

Rainbow tilted her head up and stared quietly at the zebra.

“Now, is that all you came here to say?” Zecora smirked. “Or is there another purpose behind your stay?”

“No. I mean... sure. Sort of.” Rainbow fidgeted. “I came here to tell you...” She sniffled slightly, then murmured, “Thank you.”

“Hmmm?” Zecora tilted her head aside. “For what?”

“For everything,” Rainbow said. “For the potion you make for me and stuff.” She winced and gestured with a hoof. “I-I don't have the makings for it now, and it'll be a few days before I can fetch you some more for another brew. B-but that's beside the point.” She sighed. “Thank you, Zecora, for being so awesome... for taking care of me when I hardly deserved it.”

“Rainbow Dash—”

“Cuz I don't do much to deserve it! Let's be real here...” Rainbow sighed, her ears folding. “I don't deserve much of anything. Hmmph... I'm too much of a coward to admit it to my friends, but I can say it to you. Because... I think, deep down... you know how it feels.”

“What is it that I know, good friend Rainbow?”

“That you're too awesome to have what you really want,” Rainbow murmured. “That you're only ever gonna be what you do. And...” She gulped. “In the end... being wicked cool is its own reward.” She muttered with a slight frown. “For what it's worth...”

Silence.

Zecora stroked her chin. Suddenly, she smiled. “Rainbow Dash, I was thinking...” She trotted across the hut and put away several of her things. “Something you had proposed to me earlier had given me an inkling.”

“An inkling?” Rainbow Dash gazed up. “An inkling of what?”

“Today is a day full of beautiful weather.” Zecora hoisted a saddlebag over her flank and turned around with a smile. “It's a perfect occasion to do... erm... the 'hanging out' together.”

Rainbow blinked. “You... you mean you actually want to take me up on my offer?”

Zecora chuckled. “Why on earth not? I certainly conveyed what I thought.”

“But... but what about your whole 'shamanistic isolation' and all that—”

“There will be plenty of days left to make weeds die,” Zecora said. She smiled. “Right now, I would like to be with my friend who rules the sky.”

Rainbow Dash blinked. At last she smirked. “Girl...” She jumped off the stool, forward-flipped, and landed in a perfect pose. “...you just bought yourself a ticket aboard the Awesomeness Express...”

The Zebramrillion

Rainbow soared out of the hut and zig-zagged her way excitedly between treetops.

“Okay okay okay...” She grinned brightly. “We could totally have lunch at Sugarcube Corner! Or maybe go bowling in the west side of town! Or... or... or...” She gasped. “Ghastly Gorge! Ah jeez, Zecora!” Rainbow spun around. “You've not lived until you have seen Ghastly Gorge! Why, the acoustics there are completely off the awesome chart! I mean it! They make hiccups sound like moons exploding—” She spun around and froze in place, her wings drooping along with her facial features. “...what are you doing?”

“Hmmm?” Zecora paused in place, blinking. She glanced down at the extra satchels hanging over her saddlebags. “Oh! Why, these are my bags for collecting herbs! In case there are many plants along the way to observe.”

“You're...” Rainbow Dash squinted. “...gonna be collecting plants while we're hanging out?”

“Why... er... yes!” Zecora smiled nervously. “It is all for the best.”

“Zecora...”

“I would be quite remiss if an opportunity to improve my brews was missed.”

“This is shaman stuff.” Rainbow folded her hooves with a frown. “We are not doing shaman stuff.”

“Erm...” Zecora fidgeted. “I—I mean... we are not?”

Woosh! Rainbow hovered suddenly in the zebra's face. “Girl, this is about relaxing!” She grinned. “Letting loose! Slipping the saddle off!” She plucked and poked wincingly at the satchel on the mare's flank. “Haven't you done enough friggin' work since the first day you arrived in Ponyville?”

“A shaman's work is never done.” Zecora smiled bashfully. “I assure you I will have much fun!”

“Uh huh. Naw. Buck that.” In one swift move, Rainbow yanked the satchel off Zecora's back and tossed it through one of the wooden windows to the hut.

The zebra positively gasped. “I... it... that...” She gritted her teeth like she was giving birth. “But Rainbow Dash, my dearest pegasus, what of the plants that might present themselves to us?”

“Ignore 'em.” Rainbow folded her forelimbs with a glaring smirk. “And enjoy the day.”

“But... but...” Zecora was suddenly in a cold sweat, something nopony had the pleasure of witnessing before in person. Her fetlocks rattled and she crouched slightly, as if the Everfree Forest Canopy was about to cave in at any moment. “What of the brews I could be making if all foraging I am forsaking?”

“You'll have plenty of time another day.” Rainbow Dash brought a hoof around Zecora's shoulder and gently guided her forward and away from the hut. “I'm gonna learn you some Chillaxing 101, girl.”

“I... I am not certain I can perform 'the chill,” Zecora winced to say. “Without my herbal tools, I feel positively ill.”

“And, for real, you gotta drop the rhyming. At least for once.”

“Give up my syntax?” Zecora turned to glare at the pegasus. “I would much rather snort anthrax.”

“You know what? I change my mind.” Rainbow giggle-snorted. “That right there just made my friggin' day.” She lifted Zecora several feet and gave the two a winged boost over the nearest line of trees. “Maredom, away!”

“Gaaaaie!” Zecora's eyes flared wildly as she fought the wind with nervous little hoofie-kicks.

Rainbow giggled.

By Any Other Neigh

“Why, hello there, Zecora!” Roseluck beamed from where she stood behind the stall of her open flower vendor in the middle of downtown Ponyville. “Traveling light, today, I see?”

“A very astute thing of you to say,” uttered the zebra through a calm smile. She trotted to a stop beside a flapping pegasus. “I decided to enjoy the fruits of the day.”

“Well, it's certainly beautiful weather for it!” Roseluck tilted her head up and winked at Rainbow Dash. “And we all know who to thank for it.”

“Heh...” Rainbow slicked her mane back. “Wait for it. One of these days, I wanna treat Ponyville to a wicked cool hailstorm!”

“Eheheheh... heh...” Roseluck gulped while a bead of sweat formed against her temple. “That's... n-nice...”

“This is certainly a marvelous floral array!” Zecora said, brightly gazing at the rows upon rows of delicious petals situated in the stand between them. “You must have toiled with much gardening to grow them in such a way.”

“Well...” Roseluck blushed slightly as she glanced aside. “It took a lot of work, to be sure. I've been having a problem with aphids lately...”

“Aphids are still infecting your lawn?” Zecora's muzzle scrunched. “I figured that this time of year, they'd be gone!”

“Well, for some reason, they seem to be lingering in my garden of all places. I've lost a lot of flowers to them.”

“Well, perhaps I should come up with a brew that would be most beneficial for you!”

“Really?” Roseluck gasped, leaning forward. “You could do that?”

“Why, I was experimenting with some ingredients this morning that I'm sure would provide you with—” Zecora stopped in mid-speech upon receiving a monsterous glare from Rainbow Dash. “Uhhhh...” She gulped and smiled nervously at Roseluck. “Tomorrow, I mean, would be a good time to work on a solvent. I fear that I am currently preoccupied at the moment.”

“Heeheehee...” Roseluck nodded. “You just enjoy your day, Zecora. I'd be blessed if you came up with something later this week. As for right now, would you like a tasty treat?”

“Oh, dearest Roseluck, you have my sincere gratitude. But I always save flower petals for science, not intestinal fortitude.”

“Pffft. My blue fuzzy butt, you do!” Rainbow Dash spun towards Roseluck and tossed her a pair of bits. “Two full-blooms for me and my friend.”

“Coming right up!” Roseluck dug into a boucquet and plucked two roses loose. “Crisp and de-thorned!” She tossed them at the pegasus. “Enjoy!”

Rainbow Dash caught them both, then handed one to Zecora.

“Uhhhhh...” Zecora blinked at the flower, then at the pegasus. “What am I required to do?”

Rainbow winked. “You're supposed to eat it.”

“But... but...” Zecora gingerly gasped the item in question, holding it in the crook of her hoof before her like it was a time bomb. “I've only ever tossed these into a bag or a tote, never through my mouth and down my throat...”

“Then you have no friggin' clue what you've been missing, girl.” Rainbow nodded. “Go on! Roseluck totally de-thorned them, remember?”

Zecora fidgeted. She leaned her muzzle forward and gave the petals a pensive lick. Almost instantly, her pupils enlarged. She glanced up at Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash smirked.

Clearing her throat, Zecora took a deep breath, tossed the rose up, and snapped her jaws over it. She munched and munched for a good half-minute before swallowing. She stood still, her eyes hanging shut.

“Hmmm?” Rainbow cocked her head to the side from where she hovered. “Well?”

“It... it...” Zecora's eyes blinked open. “...it is like melting ambrosia bequeathing my stomach a miniature super nova.”

“Heeheehee... Is that a good explosion?”

“It is most certainly not bad,” Zecora said breathily. “I didn't know that such succulent tastes could be had.” She glanced up, her eyes darting to the rose in Rainbow's grip. She instantly winced and looked away.

Rainbow blinked. She looked at her rose, then smirked back at Zecora. “Heh... go on ahead, girl.” She tossed the flower at the zebra. “Knock yourself out.”

Zecora gasped, bringing her hooves together to catch the rose at the last second. “You... you are certain?”

“Yup.” Rainbow nodded. “It's fine. Besides, I had a large breakfast this morning anyway,” she lied.

Zecora took a deep breath. She smiled, then took a far more indulgent bite of the scrumptious morsel this time. Her ears flattened on either side of her monochromatic mane. “Mmmmmmm...”

“Heeheeheee!” Rainbow Dash hugged herself and flew backwards. “Wow! You can lead a zebra to roses, but you can't make her eat like that! Not unless you're awesome, that is...”

“Rainbow, please...” Zecora murmured between luscious bites. “...my brain is like melting cheese.”

“Hah! You don't say!”

Zecora gulped and smiled. “I speak to you honestly. Your kindly favors will be the end of me.”

“Let's test that, shall we?” Rainbow Dash motioned along and led Zecora down the street. “Follow me!”

“Not so swiftly!” Zecora struggled to catch up. “Where are you taking me?”

“There's something I've always wanted to try out,” Rainbow said, squinting courageously. “Though I'd rather die than attempt it with the rest of the girls.”

“And what is that?”

“Something that Rarity's really into,” Rainbow Dash said. “She calls it... nnngh... 'shopping.'”

Fillies Just Wanna Have Fun

“Okay, you know what?” Rainbow Dash's entire body recoiled from the sight of a frilly lavender saddle dangling from a hanger in the middle of a clothing store. “This was probably a super bad idea.”

“Actually, color me intrigued,” Zecora said as she hoofed aside several gowns hanging along a wrack. “This place's wares have my curiosity piqued.”

“Yeah, but they're just... dresses.” Rainbow said with a wincing expression. She trotted past a shelf full of fancy hats and stood by Zecora's side. “I've seen—like—a gazillion of them at Rarity's Boutique.”

“Is that the case?” Zecora briefly glanced over her shoulder before once more examining the gowns. “I've never been to her place.”

“Heh...” Rainbow smirked. “You're better off. It's like a vampire carved a brothel out of a giant perfume bottle and shoved a bunch of ponyquins inside.” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “I mean, sure, Rarity's a real swell pony and an awesome friend, but she could stand to obsess a lot less over this... 'fashion' stuff.”

“I am baffled at your misgivings,” Zecora said with a smirk. “Is that not how she makes her living?”

“Well... y-yeah...” Rainbow squinted at the rows upon rows of pastels. “But it doesn't make the stuff any less... lame.”

Zecora chuckled.

“What?”

“You, Rainbow, are a pony of a unique kind. It's rare to find someone with both an open and a narrow mind.”

“Yeah, well, it can't be helped,” Rainbow muttered. “When I was a young filly, a marauding band of fashionistas raided Cloudsdale and burned my house down.”

“Really?”

“Pfffft. No.”

“Heheheh...”

“You sure you wouldn't wanna go across the street and shop at the sports store instead?” Rainbow grinned. “They've got this wicked discount on hockey sticks!”

“You do not say?” Zecora glanced at her. “And just how would such bludgeons brighten your day?”

“I dunno...” Rainbow shrugged. “We could fly around town and knock out hornets nests.”

“That sounds quite contradictory to a pegasus' natural duty.”

“Pfft. Seriously, who cares about hornets? You seen the sort of crap they do to bees?! Ha! No wonder there's so few of them around these days.” Rainbow Dash froze, blinking at a hat shelf. “'Global Whinnying' my flank...”

“Hmmmm...” Zecora gazed at a gown with trailing green fabric. “The vernal equinox is almost over. I wonder... do these colors clash with the themes of Equestrian summer?”

“Uhhh... sure, I guess?” Rainbow reached onto the shelf and grabbed a peculiar brown stetson. Gulping, she nervously placed the wide-brimmed hat over her petite skull. It sank a bit over her ears, so she pushed it up with a numb hoof while wandering towards a standing mirror along the wall. She gazed at the brown cow filly hat crowning her head, obscuring the prismatic threads dangling out the edges of it. Gradually, like a rising sun, a rosy blush ran through her facial features.

“Are you two finding everything okay?” An insanely pleasant voice chirped, attached to a sales associate with a golden smile.

“Daaaah!” Rainbow Dash flinched, immediately flinging the brown hat off her skull. “We were just... I mean I was just... I-I-I mean I wasn't—”

“Actually, I have a personal inquiry.” Zecora beckoned the mare over as she pointed at a deep burgundy gown. “Is there any way to scale if this outfit would fit on me?”

“Well, ma'am, we do have a dressing room.”

Zecora squinted. “A... dressing room?”

“Yes,” Rainbow muttered with a nod as she straightened the hats on the shelves. “I think they have those things here...”

“You mean I am allowed to give the outfit a try before I find out if I am inclined to buy?”

“Heehee!” The sales associate nodded. “Why, yes, of course, ma'am!”

Zecora blinked, her muzzle agape. She glanced aside at Rainbow Dash. “Something must be amiss. How come I never once knew about this?”

“What?” Rainbow glanced back. “They don't have 'clothing huts' in the desert?”

“I... I feel slightly numb,” Zecora exhaled. “As if poison joke became gaseous and I've just succumbed.”

“Heh... well, if it'll get it out of your system, why not try the silly thing on?”

Zecora stared at Rainbow with sparkling eyes.

Rainbow looked back. She blinked. “Wait... for real?”

Minutes later, the curtain swung open with a rattling sound.

The store's two sale associates were standing nearby, and they stood gawking.

Rainbow yawned and blinked sleepily from where she sat in a plush chair. She looked over, and her ears perked up... as did her wingtips.

Zecora stood—more like drifted—in a veritable cloud of blood-red silk. Velvety tendrils of finely woven reds and bergundies framed her figure, accentuating the dark stripes of her exposed neck and legs. A skirt with platinum and gold embroidery flounced everytime she trotted and turned, making the zebra resemble a living torch having been lit in some mystical darkness.

“Do...” One associate murmured in a dazed voice. “...do you have a frequent b-buyer's card, ma'am?”

The other associated swatted her companion briefly in the head, then cleared her voice. “It looks... erm...” She smiled. “Very very good on you, ma'am. How does it feel?”

“Almost as if I'm wearing a cloud,” Zecora said, lifting one hoof at another and feeling the weight of the gown. “I'm still surprised that such a demonstration is allowed.” She smiled at herself for a prolonged moment, then glanced across the shop. “Rainbow, my friend, you have a level head. Do you think that I am presentable in red?”

“Heh...” Rainbow slicked her mane back and smirked. “You kidding, girl? You're like a crazy-sexy punchline.”

“Hmmm?”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Forget I said anything.” She jumped off the chair and hovered over. “You look great. But... y'know... I doubt we're gonna have the Grand Galloping Gala in town anytime soon.”

“Oh, goodness, I must have lost all grasp of subtlety!” Zecora winced. “I did not realize this was meant for pageantry.”

“What, the price tag didn't tip you off?” Rainbow chuckled. “Ehhhhhhhhh... who am I to talk?” She glanced at the stupefied retail associates, then leaned in towards Zecora's ear. “You done playing dress-up yet, girl? I think you're liable to give these mares an incurable case of Everfree Fever...”

“Hmmm...” Zecora glanced down at her gown once more. “It depends...”

“On what?”

“I feel as though I could do better...” She turned and smiled at the pair. “Do you have this in lavender?”

“Eunnnngh...” Rainbow slapped a hoof over her face. “What have I unleashed...?”

Dressed to Distress

“Rainbow, surely you don't think of me any less,” Zecora said in mid-trot. “This doesn't exactly fall in line with my shamanistic quest.”

“Pfft. Didn't I tell you a million times to chillax?” Rainbow smirked over her shoulder in the sunlight. “You deserve a day off, girl.”

“Perhaps you are right. Even still...” Zecora blushed slightly as she glanced at the bulging shopping back balanced atop her flank. “I fear I may be suffering a new plight.”

“How much did you spend again?”

“Thirty bits at that store alone. I fear at this rate my treasury will be as dry as a bone!”

“Hah! Zecchy, I—... I can call you 'Zecchy,' right?”

“I suppose...”

“I'm lucky if I spend under one hundred and fifty bits per week! You have any idea how much you totally scrimp by living in a friggin' hut right outside Ponyvillean jurisdiction?”

“Economy has never been my strongest suit. I've always sought to live where nature takes root.”

“When was the last time you spent this much in a single day.”

“Uhhhh...”

“You can level with me, girl.”

“In mid october when I had my mane brushed over.”

“Wait...” Rainbow Dash squinted back at the zebra as they crossed downtown Ponyville. “Was that part of your getup for Nightmare Night?”

“Why, yes. How did you guess?”

“HA! I knew I saw you at the Autumn dance off last celebration!” Rainbow smirked. “And here I thought it was just Pinkie Pie dressed up as 'the evil enchantress.'”

“Erm...”

“How come you never trotted up and announced to everypony you were there?”

“For the very same reason you last mentioned,” Zecora said with a nervous smile. “I did not mean to be a source of discension.”

“Meh... we've all gotten over our stupid little fear of you. Besides...” Rainbow winked. “You kind of got a 'creepy mystic' vibe that's totally cool...”

“It... is...?”

“Yeah. In fact, if I were you, I'd have a talk with Mayor Mare.”

“Whatever for?”

“You should ask her to let you deliver the Nightmare Moon speech this year.” Rainbow grinned devilishly. “I swear, it'll scare all the little fillies out of their saddles! Whew! I can hear their screams now!”

“Rainbow, I do not appreciate the notion of filling young foals with such a negative emotion.”

“Hey. Every pony enjoys a good scare now and then! Take me, for example! I'm saving up for a wicked sweet Shadowbolts costume!” She suddenly winced. “Erm... well... I was...” She hung on drooped wings and muttered to herself. “Before I fell into the cesspool that's become my mortgage and also had to pull two and a half jobs over my stinkin' limbs...”

“Hmmmm...” Zecora glanced back at the shopping bag on her flank. “Perhaps with a little gothic accessorizing, I can turn this gown into something terrifying.” She looked back at Rainbow Dash. “Surely Pony lore has room for exquisite refinery to accompany doom and gloom.”

“Heh, you can inspire a lot of things with that dress you just bought, Zecchy. But believe you me: it ain't fear.”

“I simply wish to make the best out of my investment. Do you truly think Nightmare Night would provide the best environment?”

“For real? Just ask Rarity or Twilight. I'm sure either one of them could tell you about a gazillion and a half ballroom dances happening between now and then. I mean, it's gonna be another friggin' year before the next Grand Galloping Gala. You kinda sorta just missed it.”

“The Grand Galloping Gala?” Zecora's eyes bulged. “Oh dear...” She fidgeted in mid-step. “I haven't the tenacity to take part in such an event, I fear.”

“Hey, I thought the same thing, and yet I still went.”

“What changed your mind about attending a pageant of such an elaborate kind?”

“Ermm... my friends were going, so I totally had to as well. Plus, the Wonderbolts were there, and I wanted sooooooo badly to show off in front of them.”

“Ah, I see. Did that go over nicely?”

“Eh...” Rainbow rubbed her numb hooves together. “Not really, no.”

“I am sorry to hear that, Rainbow Dash. Yours is the last celebration that deserves to crash.”

“Hah... that's a funny way of putting it.” Rainbow smirked. “Nawww... s'all good in the hood. Besides, it's not like the whole weekend in Canterlot sucked.” She smiled warmly to herself, exhaling with a dreamy sigh. “It's what happened afterwards that made it totally worth it...”

“Dare I inquire what dredged you from the mire?”

“Oh, nothing major. Just a nice, chillaxed afternoon.” Rainbow closed her eyes. “Spent strolling around town. Enjoying the mountain breeze. Listening to her talk...”

“Listening to who talk?”

Rainbow's eyes popped open. “Erm...”

“Perhaps you ran into one of the Wonderbolts?” Zecora smirked. “I'm happy to think that you ultimately earned your oats.”

“H-h-hey! Oats! P-perfect!” Rainbow grinned awkwardly, eyebrow twitching. “I'm totally hungry! Thanks for asking!”

“Uhhh—”

“Hayfries?! Thought you'd never ask!” Rainbow yanked Zecora—shopping bag and all—and hoisted her to the opposite side of the street. “Let's dig in!”

Carpe Dashem

“Rainbow Dash, I must say.” Zecora smiled as the two trotted across town from the fast food joint. “You have given me a most enjoyable day.”

“You sure?” Rainbow squinted at her. “All you did was munch on salad while I prattled about like an idiot.”

“It was nonetheless a wholesome blessing.” Zecora winked. “Both the meal and the storytelling.”

“Hey, when I wanna show a mare a good time... I show a mare a good time. Heheheh...” Rainbow Dash blinked at herself, then winced. “Er, you know what I mean.” She squinted out one nervous eye. “Right...?”

“You know, there was a time when I could never relax in this town,” Zecora said. “I used to feel they needed a shaman—and not a friend—around.”

“Awwww... well... erm...” Rainbow dipped low enough in her hover to kick at a loose rock. She barely managed the laziest of gestures with the numbness in her limb. “I'm totally to blame for part of that.”

“Hmmm?”

“You remember.” Rainbow's muzzle hung between a smirk and a sigh. “We totally treated you like crap when you first showed up at the Everfree Forest. I can't friggin' believe none of us knew what a zebra was until Twilight came and told us.”

“Ignorance is most poisonous when it persists indefinitely,” Zecora said. “I've since been blessed to earn your respect and friendship, thankfully.”

“Oh, r-right on!” Rainbow Dash said. “And, y'know, it doesn't always have to come down to us extending a hoof of invitation, Zecchy.” She smirked. “You're free to stop on by Sugarcube Corner and hang out with us while we're around. Or—heck—my cloud home isn't all that far from the treeline. I know. I've had to kick squirrels out of it on occasion.”

“It has simply been a worry of mind that I might inadvertently come across as a forward kind...”

“Pffft. You?” Rainbow smirked. “You're the very definition of cool and snazzy, Zecora.”

The zebra blinked at her. “You think so, Rainbow?”

“It'd be a shame to not get a chance to hang out with you more. And... y'know...” Rainbow hovered in front of Zecora, fidgeting slightly. “Not to knock your shaman schtick any... but...” She glanced down at the dirt road beneath them. “Duty is one thing. Diligence is another. But nopony should have to be alone if they can help it.” She glanced up with soft eyes. “Life is an opportunity for us to catch the things that mean most to us and make a dull existence into—well—an awesome one. That's why I'm always zipping all over the place, Zecchy. I... I-I just can't friggin' stay still. I have my duty to Ponyville and to Cloudsdale and to the Elements of Harmony, but in the end... I-I still gotta be loyal to myself, y'know? I can't be afraid to chase after what's most important to me... and... and wh-what I know will change my life forever. And nopony—myself included—is ever gonna get to be the very best by just staying in one place... a-alone.” She gulped and bit her lip, waiting for a response.

Zecora stared at her with thin eyes. “Is that a fact?” She raised an eyebrow. “And you believe that?”

Rainbow sighed, smiling wearily. “I would like to...” She ran a hoof through her bangs and said, “It's what keeps me going, sunrise to sundown.”

“A noble pursuit, my friend. And does that chase ever end?”

Rainbow hovered in place. Eventually, she exhaled, “Someday it will. I... I-I'm sure of it.”

Zecora's eyes had wandered past Rainbow's shoulders at this point. Her ears twitched as the zebra said in a far-off tone. “I think I finally contemplate your perception of fate. It is not enough to live and breathe, but go forth and seize.”

“Hey...” Rainbow Dash shrugged with a grin. “That's certainly another way of putting it.”

“It is, it is.” Zecora took a deep, deep breath. “Rainbow Dash, if you wouldn't mind.” Without looking at her, she shoved her shopping bag into the pegasus' grip. “You are so kind.” She marched firmly past her.

“Uhhhh... Zecora?” Rainbow turned and blinked. “Where are you—?” Her coat paled as her ears drooped.

The zebra shaman was trotting a straight line—like a black and white bullet—clear across the Ponyville marketplace... and towards a large, crimson stallion standing beside several barrels of apples.

“Guhhhh... uhmmmm... Z-Zecora? I... I think... uhm...” Rainbow fidgeted.

Zecora paused, turning to look back once and only once. A pair of soft eyes reflected Rainbow's gaze from afar.

Rainbow fought the urge to sweat. Gulping, she hugged the shopping bag to her side with one hoof and saluted with the other. “G-good luck!”

Zecora smiled, containing an inward squee, then cleared her throat as she stepped up to Big Macintosh.

Rainbow watched, and she slowly... slowly hid her trembling face behind the bulging shopping bag.

You Can Lead a Zebra To Water...

“Oh, yes, this should do just nicely,” Cheerilee said, hoisting the basket of apples over her shoulder. “Now, I know it's an old tradition to bring teachers the apple, but I think things should be different.” She smiled as she fiddled a hoof around the inside of her saddlebag. “All that my students need to bring me is a smile. In the meantime, these sweets of Mother Nature will be my gift to them for being diligent and thorough. You have no idea what this means to me.”

Big Macintosh shrugged. “Eenope.”

“Here you go.” Cheerilee hoofed several coins over and smiled. “And a little bit extra for your trouble. Thanks as always for being so polite and kind, Big Mac. You're the reason I only buy from Sweet Apple Acres' bounties.” She trotted away, waving.

He waved back with a slight chuckle. “Eee-yup.”

A deep voice cleared from behind the stallion.

He blinked with a blank expression, glancing left and right.

“Big Macintosh, goodly gentlecolt....”

He shuffled around and tilted his head down to meet the zebra's eyes.

Zecora almost flinched. Her ears drooped slightly as she fought her way through a liquid smile. “I-I have a proposition, if I may be so bold.”

He raised an eyebrow and smiled awkwardly. “Eeyup...?”

“You are, as I understand, enjoying a bountiful harvest at hand.”

“Heheh... eeyup.”

“Far be it from me to assume that your storage supplies are running out of room.” She cocked her head to the side. “But with the excessive amounts of produce, I suspect that your available working hooves have been reduced.”

“Uhhhh...”

Zecora winced slightly. “Wh-what I mean to say is that your familial workload is consistently divided by four, so perhaps it would benefit you to be assisted by... a little b-bit more?”

“Erm...” He squirmed, his face still wrought with confusion. “...eeyup?”

“Perhaps, then, if it is alright with you, I can arrive at Sweet Apple Acres and see what I can do.” She gulped and blurted: “...to help.”

He stared at her blankly.

Clearing her throat, she swiftly spoke. “I mean with the farm chores and labor, so that it will make harvesting apples an easier endeavor.” She smiled. “Despite coming from a desert home, through several fertile landscapes have I since roamed. I am well versed in tilling the land, be it dirt or mud or snow or sand. It would be my pleasure to assist Sweet Apple Acres in growing crops healthy, and while I'm at it I'll be glad to share what tricks I have learned from Everfree.”

Big Macintosh rubbed his chin with a distant look in his eyes. Eventually he shrugged, then nodded with a slight smirk.

Zecora grinned from ear to ear, her tail swishing. “Then... y-you agree? You would be willing to work with me?”

From afar, Rainbow Dash hovered with the shopping bag in her grasp. Her eyes darted back and forth between the zebra and the hulking stallion beside the fruit vendor. As her lips moved and his barely did, the pegasus muttered to herself:

“'Hello there, Big Mac. Might we make our lips smack?' 'Eenope.' 'Wait, you mean you don't want to go on a date?' 'Eenope.' 'But, I'm afraid that I don't understand, that stupid blue pegasus over there made me think that we can.' 'Eenope.' 'So you mean to say she's full of crud and all my romantic daydreams are a dud?' 'Eeyup.' 'Well, would you care to join me in kicking her ass for filling my head with so much sass?' 'Eeeeeeeeyup.'”

At the end of all that, the winged mare gulped.

Big Mac said something. Then Zecora said a long something. Big Mac said a short something. Zecora veritably hopped in place, smiling. Big Mac nodded. Swiveling about, Zecora came back Rainbow's way with a spring in her step.

“Oh jeez!” Rainbow hid behind the shopping bag. “Oh jeez oh jeez oh jeez! Here it comes—”

Zecora yanked the bag out of the pegasus' grasp.

Rainbow winced mightily in mid-air.

The bag spun three times and landed neatly atop the zebra's flank. She caught it effortlessly and trotted off, humming to herself.

Rainbow blinked... then blinked again. Her limbs relaxed as she turned to gawk at the shaman. “Uhhhh... Zecora?”

“Yes, friend?”

“What... that... I mean...” Rainbow jerked towards her, hovering in a low glide. “What happened?”

“Hmmmm...” Zecora smiled warmly. “It has been cordially arranged that in two days I will arrive at the Apple Family range.”

“Uhhhhhh...” Rainbow binked. “What?”

“We have taken great care to schedule a day as a pair!”

“You... y-you have?” Rainbow glanced back at the distant marketplace, then at her giddily bouncing frined. “Wow. Uhm. For real?” She scratched her mane. “To do what? Go for a walk? Hold hooves? Dance? Drink... c-cider?”

“Mmm-mmm...” Zecora shook her smiling head. “Farmwork!”

Rainbow squinted at her. “Farmwork.”

“Indeed!”

“Well, that certainly sounds... festive.”

“I offered to share my alchemic skills in planting seed!” Zecora fought the urge to squeal. “And Big Mac has whole-heartedly agreed!”

“Wow... uhm...” Rainbow fidgeted in midair. “At least he's on board for you helping around the farm...”

“And to think that I was afraid that he would refuse my aid!”

“That's all well and good, Zecchy. But, you sure she's thrilled about you and not just the voodoo you do?”

“Every positive affirmation is a stepping stone,” Zecora said with a wink. “And in two days' time, I will not be alone!”

Rainbow tried to smile, but it came out as a wince. “I'm... really jazzed for you. But, uh... Zecora...”

“By the shadows, I am filled with glee!” Zecora broke into a gallop, her shopping bag flouncing. “Quick, back to the hut to enjoy some tea!”

“Zecora!” Rainbow waved after her. She slumped in midair, sighing. “It's okay. It's all okay. Right?” She gulped. “Horseapples, maybe Big Mac likes tea too.” She smirked at herself, but promptly grimaced. “Then again, so does Fluttershy.”

“Rainbow, are you coming? The light of day is diminishing!”

“Eeeehhuuughhhuuuuyeahhhhhh?” Rainbow flew limply after the zebra with drooping wingfeathers.

Properly Stoned

After leaving Zecora's hut, Rainbow Dash didn't immediately fly home. She took a leisurely path, cycling through the air in a large curve that encompassed the humble lengths of Ponyville below.

She didn't flap her wings so much as she simply glided, letting the wind carry her upwards and downwards as the currents pleased. Thusly, she relaxed... or at least she tried to relax, her mind wandering circles as indicated by the clockwise darting of her ruby eyes.

Eventually, she sighed, her gaze locking on the emerald expanse of Sweet Apple Acres in the distance. She imagined sweat clinging to a mare's freckled brow. Before her heart could skip a beat, she imagined Fluttershy and Big Mac walking leisurely across the orchards, collecting apples in a basket while engaged in a warm conversation. As soon as Rainbow imagined stripes entering that equation, she winced so hard that her wings twitched and dropped her a dozen feet from where she was currentl gliding.

Flapping her feathers, Rainbow lifted herself before she could run straight into a red tower. As she passed by, she heard the bell ringing. Throwing a glance behind her, she spotted schoolfoals emptying out of Cheerilee's classroom. Among them were Sweetie Belle, Applejack's sister, and a spritely orange shape hopping onto a scooter. I smiled, chuckling at something the other Crusaders said while strapping a helmet to my petite skull.

Rainbow blinked. With a clenched jaw, she wrenched her gaze from the scene and shot her way home like a blue bullet.

“If you knew that somepony thought the world of something... but could never get what they wanted...” Rainbow Dash sighed, rolling over so that her head draped upside down over the edge of her living room sofa. “...would you entertain their hopes and dreams, even if you knew it was in vain?” She gulped. “Or would it be best just... to sh-shoot down their aspirations and let them crash and burn before they hurt themselves any further?”

Lancie looked up from a newspaper he was holding upside down. He sat on an endtable made of cloudstone, giving Rainbow Dash a suspicious squint. “Is the spunky pegasus actually... talking to me?”

“Yes.” Rainbow frowned upside down. “She is.”

“You sure you...” He smirked with stone lips. “...don't want to just buck me hard, toss me across the room, or slamdunk me into a wastebasket?”

“Nnnnngh...” Rainbow face-hoofed, her ears drooping. “Just answer the question...”

“Because I've been working on angling my trajectory with each subsequent punt!” He tossed the paper behind him and slicked back his granite mane. “I think I've almost fully accommodated for my antlers causing air resistance—”

“Lancie!” Rainbow barked.

“Alright! Alright!” He waved his talon and paw. “Fine, ruin a perfectly squeaky running gag, why don'tcha? Ahem.” He leaned back on the endtable, folding his digits together like a little stone psychiatrist. “What I think we have here is a classic case of emotional projection, mostly negative.”

“Projection...?” Rainbow droned.

“Face it, Sparky.” Lancie smoked from an invisible pipe and gestured. “You've been alone in this epically long pursuit of apple-butt. Even when you're outside, it's almost as if you're surrounded by the invisible walls that you and you alone have erected around yourself. For some noble reason, you refuse to just seize what you want so badly. If you ask me, it's the rather unfortunate fact that you're the best friend to the pony whom you so desperately want to lock tonsils with.”

“Mmmmm...” Rainbow couldn't summon the courage to frown at those words. Her ears folded sadly on either side of her head as she gazed into the wall of the cloud home, exhaling out her nostrils.

Lancie went on: “So, you see others around you who also have hopes and aspirations, and—perhaps so you won't feel so blasted lonely—you project upon them your very own troubles. Suddenly your next door neighbor is incapable of achieving her life's dreams. Your boss at work is caught in an infinite financial loop. Your mailmare lusts for muffins she can never bite into...”

“You make it sound like everypony in Ponyville is just as bad off as me...”

“No.” Lancie squinted at her. “You are just as bad off as you are. For a pony whose world is constantly frozen, it's easy to think the same of the universe encompassing it. But, you know...” He leaned forward and poked a talon into the side of her neck. “You could solve it.”

She glanced at him with sparkling eyes. “I... c-can...?”

“Of course!” Her grinned with stone teeth. “By just tracking down the next bunch of my slabs!”

Rainbow blinked. She once again drew a hoof over her face. “Eeeeuuuuuunnnghhhh...”

“Come onnnnn!” He shrugged, smirking. “I've figured out where the next closest one is!” He picked the newspaper back up and pointed at a black-and-white photo of skyscrapers. “Deep in the posh nether regions of Manehattan, you'll be sure to find—”

“I'm going to find them. I will. It's just...” Rainbow flapped her wings and threw herself into an upright hover above the sofa. “I feel like I can't. Not just yet.”

“And why the fluff not?”

“I gotta know if all of this is worth it,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “Everything I keep dreaming and daydreaming about.” She sighed. “What if all I'm doing is punishing myself for no reason? I... I have friends. I have skills. I'm the supreme embodiment of awesomeness.” She shrugged and breathed, “Why bother hoping for more?”

“You're just one silly pony in a sea of many others less explosive than you, Sparky,” Lancie said. “If you ask me, it's only natural to think you're entitled to something that isn't lame.”

She glanced over at him. “I... I-I never thought that I could actually have somep—erm... something that I could talk to about all of this besides Fluttershy or my cider drinking buddies.”

“Is this your way of saying 'thank you, Lancie?'”

“Yeah...” She smiled faintly. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Good.” He smiled. “Then maybe you'll forgive me once you find out that I've used your toothbrush as a backscratcher!”

Rainbow glared daggers at him.

The statue smiled and spread his arms out like windsails.

Silence... and then...

THWACK!

“Woooooo-hoooooooooooo!” Lancie flew across the room and rattled into a wastebasket. THUNK! “Haaa! Three points!”

We're a Couple of Misfits

“No way!” Apple Bloom gawked, her surprised voice echoing across Sugarcube Corner. “You convinced Rarity to join ya at the Sisterhooves Social tomorrow?”

“Yup yup yup!” Sweetie Belle grinned with proudly glinting teeth. “She's even got a 'country ensemble' to show off when we arrive together!”

“How in the hay didja convince her to get her hooves all muddy'n'stuff?!”

“Mmmm... well...” Sweetie Belle squirmed. “She isn't exactly participating in the events...”

“But she's yer big sis, ain't she?” Apple Bloom scarfed down the second half of a muffin, gulped, and squinted at the other filly. “Seems like an awful shame to show up and not at least do the potato sack race!”

“Well, you know Rarity.” Sweetie blushed slightly. “She's not going to do anything that'll cause her to suffer a drop of sweat. And you know what? That's fine!” She squealed a bit. “Just having her around makes a world of a difference!”

“Well, shucks, I reckon that is mighty swell of her to do, considering... well... she's her.”

Both Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle giggled as one.

Sweetie Belle glanced over at me, smiling. “How about you, Scootaloo? Are you gonna show up at the Sisterhooves Social with your—?” A yellow hoof slapped over her mouth. “Mmmmf-mmff!”

“Sweetie Belle!” Apple Bloom hissed. Then, nervously, she threw a sweaty glance my way. “Uhm... Of c-course yer welcome to show up, Scootaloo! I mean... it's n-not like everypony who'll be there is a sister! After all... uhm... Fluttershy's gonna be there!”

“Mmmmf—” Sweetie Belle yanked Apple Bloom's hoof away. “But I thought Fluttershy had—like—five older sisters—Mmmmf!”

“Uhhhh...” Apple Bloom held a vice grip over Sweetie's muzzle as she stammered, “Big Macintosh! Big Macintosh is gonna be there! And last time I checked, he ain't no mare... or a sister!”

“Heheh... It's okay, girls,” I said with a soft smile. “Every year, the Sisterhooves Social happens and... y'know what?” I shrugged. “It just isn't my thing. I mean... besides obvious reasons...”

“Ptooie!” Sweetie Belle shoved Apple Bloom away, rubbed her muzzle, and stared at me with doey eyes. “But you're our friennnnnnd.” She kicked at the tile floor of Sugarcube Corner. “Awwwwwww... I want you to go...”

“Well... I dunno...” I scratched my head and shrugged once more. “If it'd make you two happy...”

“Sure thang!” Apple Bloom said with a smile. “I've always wanted you to see what a real shindig is like on the farm!”

“Ooh! Oooh!” Sweetie Belle hopped in place. “I just thought of the most awesome idea!”

“What's that?” I asked.

Sweetie Belle grinned wide. “Why don't we be each other's sisters?!”

I squinted. “Wat.”

She wrapped a hoof around me. “Come on! Why not! We're both crusaders! Neither of us have a cutie mark! We're both super adorable!”

“Ew... really?”

“You guys can totally be sisters for a day!” Apple Bloom said.

“Heh...” I couldn't help it. My cheeks burned slightly as I avoided their looks. “You sure that isn't—I dunno—lame?”

“Not at all!” Apple Bloom smirked. “That way all three of us would get to compete!” She proudly rested a hoof over her chest. “Of course, I'm already competing, seeing as Applejack and I compete every year.”

“Oh!” Sweetie Belle grinned once more. “Or perhaps Applejack and Scootaloo could be sisters for a day so that—”

“NOT HAPPENIN'” Apple Bloom stared daggers. She blinked, then winced as she saw everypony in Sugarcube Corner looking. “Erm... that is...” She cleared her throat and stuck her nose up. “We'll... uh... ask my big sis what she thinks. Yeah.”

“Yaaaaay!” Sweetie Belle and I clapped hooves together. “Cutie Mark Crusaders: Sister for a Day!”

“Come on, y'all!” Apple Bloom scampered off, followed by the two of us. “We should get on over to the farm and practice! Tomorrow ain't comin' any later!”

“Heh! Alright!”

“Weee!”

As the three of us blurred out the door, I was scarcely aware of a prismatic figure hovering above us.

“Whoah, there... stampede season's over, ain't it?” Rainbow Dash remarked. She watched the three of us speed across Ponyville. “I swear, those kids are gonna carve a ravine through this town.”

“Oh, let them have their fun,” Mrs. Cake said as she trotted by with a tray full of sundaes. She delivered them to a table and came shuffling back to the front counter. “They're excited for the big occasion tomorrow.”

“Oh yeah?” Rainbow muttered, floating over and fiddling through her saddlebag for bits. “And what's that?”

Mrs. Cake opened her mouth to speak—but Pinkie Pie came bursting up from behind the counter, nearly knocking her over. “Why, the Sisterhooves Social, of course!”

“Hey, Pinkie Pie—Whoah, h-huh?!” Rainbow Dash did a double-take. “That's tomorrow?”

“Yup! Ten o'clock in the morning! Bright and sharp!” Pinkie blinked, then stared at the ceiling as she rubbed her chin. “Though, that's two hours before noon, so I guess it's not bright or sharp. More like 'Ten o'clock Dull,' like a butterknife.”

“Wow...” Rainbow shook her head. “For some reason, I thought it was later on this week.”

“Mmmmm...” Pinkie Pie drooled. “Butter...”

“Well, you really can't be faulted for not knowing, dearie,” Mrs. Cake said with a smile. “From what Pinkie says, you're an only child!”

“Heh... true that.” Rainbow nodded. She blinked, then glanced behind her shoulder at the door. “I used to think I was unique for that.”

“Well, why wouldn't you think so?” Mrs. Cake smiled. “You're from Cloudsdale! And everypony knows that pegasi breed like—” She grimaced at herself before she could finish the sentence. Seconds later, a ding emanated from the furthest part of the kitchen. “Oooh! Waffles are done!” She swiftly trotted through the swinging doors and into the back.

“Errmmm... right...” Rainbow slapped two bits onto the counter. “Two fruit bars, please.”

“Coming right up to your fruit mouth!” Pinkie reached into the pantry.

“Say, Pinkie...” Rainbow leaned against the counter, nearly slipped on account of her numb forelimb, and chose to hover instead. “Will you be going to the Social?”

“Hmmm? Me?”

“Yeah. I mean... you've got sisters, right?”

“Oh, totally! Three of them!”

“Ah...” Rainbow nodded, then blinked. “Wait.... I thought you had two sisters and a brother.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Cuz you showed me a photo before! Y'know? Inkie, Blinkie, and Clyde?”

“Heeheehee... silly Dashie. Didn't I tell you?” Pinkie slapped two wrapped bars onto the counter. “That's just typical life on a gravel farm! Clyde bashed two too many rocks together and suddenly one afternoon he became Maud!”

“Uh huh. Okay.” Rainbow scooped the bars into her saddlebag and about-faced. “Bye.”

Southern Intervention

Rainbow Dash tossed the last half of a fruit bar down her muzzle, munched liberally, and swung her lower body towards a swath of clouds. With exploding patches of mist, she flew through several alabaster bands of moisture, reducing them to translucent ribbons. Once she was done an entire cloudbed, she spun—deadpan—to soar towards another.

She nearly ran into Thunderlane and Candy Floss, who both flinched upon nearly colliding with their speedy weather flier.

“R-Rainbow Dash! H-hey!” Thunderlane awkwardly waved a hoof.

“How are you doing, girl?”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow above her bulging blue cheeks.

“Uhm... Thunderlane and I were talking...” Candy Floss cleared her throat and smiled nervously. “Maybe you would... uh... l-like to hang out after work today? Grab some hay fries, perhaps?”

Rainbow Dash hovered in place and replied, “Mrmmff-mmrmrfmmfm-mmrrmmf-mmmrf—” Her eyes crossed. She took one massive gulp and exhaled. “Ennngh... I-I kinda sorta just ate. Thanks, though.”

“Well, it doesn't have to be food, then,” Thunderlane said. “Maybe you'd like to hang out for old time's sake?”

“We all lived in Cloudsdale at one point!” Candy Floss said in a cheery tone. “Maybe we could share some old stories around a park bench? Celestia knows you've got quite a tall tale or two to tell!”

“Yeah. I've got bunches.” Rainbow Dash pointed at the fluffy skies. “But these clouds aren't gonna kick themselves. I'd really like to buck them out of the blue sky with time to spare.”

“Why the big hurry?” Thunderlane asked. “Candy here and I were about to go on break. Why don't you chill with us for a bit and get back to these later?”

“No can do. I've got stuff to do.”

“You sure of that?” Candy Floss asked.

Rainbow squinted at her suspiciously. “What's this all about anyway?”

“Oh! N-nothing!” Candy Floss grinned brightly. “You're so busy all of the time and it seems a shame for you to work yourself to a bone while you're still so young and swift and everything!”

Dead silence.

Thunderlane droned, “Candy Floss here thinks you're depressed.”

“Shhhhh!” Candy angrily whapped his skull with an orange wing. “Thunder!”

“Ow! But the other day you said—”

“I know what I said! You don't have to repeat it.”

Rainbow stared at the two of them with dull eyes. “Uh huh...” A deep-winded sigh, followed with: “Look, thanks for the concern, but I'm fine, really.”

“See?” Thunderlane shrugged at Candy Floss. “She says she's fine.”

“Are you sure?” Candy stared with worried eyes. “You hardly ever smile, and you're always on the move, and it seems as if you never talk to anypony.”

“Pfft. Of course I talk to ponies! I've got friends in smexy places! Why, just yesterday, I hung out and did shopping stuff with a zebra!”

“Still, we only ever see you when you're totally alone,” Candy said. “We're not just your co-workers, Rainbow Dash. We like you just as much as any other pony.”

“Zecora likes to shop?” Thunderlane gawked. Whap! “Ow! Darn it, Candy!”

“For serious, I'm totally chill!” Rainbow Dash hovered backwards, shrugging. “I just got stuff to do, is all. So... y'know... don't take it seriously or nothing, but I really have no time for hanging out with anypony whatsoever right now.”

“There ya are! Howdy! Down here, sugarcube!” a voice called from far below. “I gotsta see ya for a sec!”

“Duahhhhhhhhhh!” Rainbow performed the biggest inhale of her life, and all of it through a jaw-cracking grin. “AJ!” Spinning, she aimed herself earthward like a missile. “Yeah, just a sec!” FWOOOSH! She accelerated from zero to one hundred in the space of two and a half seconds, creating an exploding pocket of air that knocked Thunderlane and Candy Floss off their feathers.

“Gaaaaaaaaaaieee!” Both pegasi flew off, spiraling half a mile over the canopy of the Everfree Forest.

Why Are We Here Again?

KAPOWWWWWW!!!

Applejack flinched. She leaned her head back with eyes shut and teeth clenched. Four heart-pounding seconds later, she squinted nervously in front of her.

The dust cleared, revealing Rainbow Dash standing in four tiny hoof-shaped craters just a few feet in front of her. The pegasus panted and panted and smiled. “Hi.”

“Uhhhh...” Applejack blinked, glancing up in time to see a few loose blue feathers fluttering to the ground around them. “You've been... erm...” She tilted the brim of her hat forward. “...takin' any of them fancy primate tranquilizers?”

“Nope!” Rainbow gulped and smiled again. “Pinkie's Pie's energy bars! Great stuff!”

“Yup. I-I reckon.”

“So... uh... you c-called?” Rainbow Dash gulped once more. “For me, that is. Just now? Like... seconds ago?”

“Oh, r-right.” Applejack smiled. “I couldn't help but notice y'all doin' some of yer finest weather flyin' for the town as I was trotting on by.”

“Heh. Wouldn't be a ripe day for sunshine if I wasn't on the job.” Rainbow Dash flexed her forelimb's muscle and tried not to wince. “Y'know...?”

“You betcha. So it got me to thinkin'...” Applejack tapped her chin as she spoke, “What would I have'ta do to get some clouds cleared directly over Sweet Apple Acres tomorrow morning.”

“Hmmm? You mean a farm cloud clearing job?” Rainbow Dash waved a hoof. “Pfffft!” she happily raspberried. “I could totally do it in my sleep!”

“Well, no doubt about that, sugarcube. But I reckon there's some flank-over-elbow hoops I gotta jump through with the system.”

“Buh?”

“Y'know, sendin' paperwork to the Cloudsdale Commission n'such?” Applejack dug at the grassy earth, smiling bashfully. “Reckon I didn't think about that part 'til the last second. Ya see, this year, Granny's hoofed the responsibility for settin' up the Sisterhooves Social to me. Not by her choosin', mind ya. I practically had to wrestle her to the ground before she agreed to take it easy this year. I mean, the farm's been doin' so good over the past month that it's a shame she should be stressin' over anything.”

“Right. It's all gravy!” Rainbow Dash nodded. “I'll just do a fly-by tomorrow and kick the clouds away!”

Applejack blinked. “Just like that?”

Rainbow whipped her prismatic tail. “Just like that! No way I'd be leaving you hangin', girl!”

“Cuz I sure dun wanna get you into any trouble with the legal eagles who be runnin' the meaty—... the meta—... the macaroni—”

“Pffft. Please. Only unicorns call it the 'meteorologist business.'” Rainbow winked.

“Heh...” Applejack tilted her hat back and smirked. “Well, lucky us, eh?”

“Yes. Heeheehee.” Rainbow giggled aside, tilting her rosy cheeks against the glinting sunlight. “Lucky us! Hehe! Hehehehehehehehehehe!” She smiled, smiled, smiled, then snapped her eyes open. “Erm... ahem.” She flapped her wings and hovered just high enough so that her facial features were obscured from Applejack's gaze. “So. Yeah. I'll totally do the flyby.”

“As early as possible would be a goddess-send,” Applejack stated. “I reckon no later than eight o'clock. It'd be a heapin' shame if the sisters of Ponyville who showed up for the event got rained on.”

“Don't you fret a freckle off,” Rainbow Dash said, immediately wincing. “Erm... n-not that there's anything wrong with havin' freckles...”

“Darn tootin'.”

“I'll make it the first thing I do tomorrow morning!” Rainbow Dash took a deep, proud breath. “I'd rather be plucked and glazed before I so much as think of leaving one of my gal-pals hanging!” She turned and made to soar back into the air.

“But why stop at just cloud clearin', sugarcube?”

Rainbow almost flew into the earth. She uprighted herself, took a heavy breath, and swung to gaze at Applejack again. “Huh? Wh-what do you mean?”

“It's gonna be an awfully nice event this year,” Applejack said with a warm smile. “Why don't you consider stayin'?”

“Staying?” Rainbow Dash blinked. “You mean... on the f-farm?”

“Mmmmhmmm.”

Rainbow gulped, then squeaked: “With you?”

“You betcha!” Applejack smiled.

Rainbow Dash sighed warmly, happily out her nostrils.

Then, after those two blissful seconds had passed, Applejack resumed speaking. “The kiddies are sure gonna lurve havin' the Awesome and High-Flyin' Rainbow Dash around! I bet you'll just make their day by spendin' time on the farm for most of the Social!”

“Oh...” Rainbow Dash's ears folded. “Oh.” Then they folded some more. “Ohhhhh.” She gulped and nodded, her gaze avoiding Applejack. “Yeah, I guess I'm... uh... something of a crowd-drawer.”

“Heheheh!” Applejack guffawed. “And we all know how much ya adore the spotlight!”

“Oh!” Rainbow Dash smiled with twitching eyes. “There's totally nothing better!”

“That is, so long as ya ain't got nothin' planned for the day tomorrow...”

“Nah, I'm totally game! I'd be more and happy to stick around Sweet Apple Acres!” Rainbow Dash exhaled. “...for the foals.”

“Well, thanks a ton, Rainbow!” Applejack winked. “Yer a real life-saver.” She turned and trotted merrily over the nearby hillside. “Whew-wee! Now I think I can actually sleep peacefully tonight!”

Rainbow Dash touched down, watching Applejack trot away. She tried flapping her wings... then struggled some more. “Nnnnngh...” She looked back at her iron-wrought appendages and groaned inwardly. “Speak for yourself...”

The Fuzziest

“Well, of course I'll be there,” Fluttershy said with a smile as she trotted across the cottage. In graceful motions, she spread more food out for scampering mice and squirrels. “None of my many siblings may be joining me, but I want to be around to show my moral support!”

“Uh huh...” Rainbow Dash toyed with a snowglobe from where she hovered. “You sure it has nothing to do with there being a sister-sister hogtying contest?”

“You mean Applejack condones such a thing?”

“Heck if I know.” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I just made it up.” She shook the fragile instrument and squinted at the floating snow patterns. “Y'know, she asked me to hang out at the farm after cloud clearing tomorrow.”

“Did she?” Fluttershy smiled wide. “Ohhhhh, Rainbow Dash, that's so delightful!” She not-so-secretively threw a wink over her shoulder as she put the food bag away. “Especially for somepony...”

“Eh... don't count your donkeys before they've pooped,” Rainbow grunted. “Applejack said it's all for the kiddies.”

“Kiddies?”

“Yes. Cuz I'm so awesome n'stuff, there're bound to be a few kids from town who'll go nuts at the very sight of me.”

“Well, I know for a fact that's true of at least one pony.” Fluttershy turned around and winced. “Erm... R-Rainbow?” She flew across the cottage, hooves outstretched, her eyes locked on the snowglobe. “Are you sure your hooves are entirely in working order today—?”

“Say, what does Big Macintosh think about zebras?”

Fluttershy braked in midair. “Zebras.”

“Er... yeah.”

“Rainbow Dash, everypony only knows one zebra.”

“Oh, h-hey!” Rainbow Dash suddenly jerked. “Look at the time!” She planted the snowglobe upside down onto the mantlepiece. It spun around precariously while she made for the door. “I'd better check to see if Banner Company needs me to do anything!”

“Oh goodness! Oh goodness!” Fluttershy flew over and grasped the snowglobe. She turned it rightside up and exhaled with relief. “Wh-what's the hurry...?”

“Another minute wasted is one less bit tasted.” Rainbow spun with a proud smirk. “You like that one? I thought it up myself.”

“But who would want to eat money?”

“Eh. You're right. It sucks.” Rainbow swung the door open. “Later—!”

“R-Rainbow Dash! Wait!” Fluttershy stretched a hoof out. “Erm... before you go...”

Rainbow leaned down to stare at her through the frame. “Yes?”

“So you've decided, then, that you'll be at the Sisterhooves Social all day tomorrow?”

“Uhhhh... that's pretty much the plan. Yeah.”

“From sunup to sundown?”

Rainbow smirked. “Fluttershy. Applejack asked me to do her a favor. Applejack. I'd stay for eons if I had to, until even the Sun and Moon exploded for all I care.”

“Well, that's a g-good thing, because I'm certain you would make a certain pony's day.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mmmmhmmm...” Fluttershy nodded. “You see, being around the farm so much as of late—”

“And around Big Macintosh.”

“...riiiiight.... Ahem.” Fluttershy looked straight at her. “I've had many a time to chat and have lunch with Apple Bloom. And, needless to say, I've learned enough to realize that you would make a certain pony very... very happy if you were to... uhm... well...”

“Well what?”

“Perhaps... b-be their pony sister for a day. Does th-that make any sense to you?”

Rainbow Dash gave an understanding nod. “Yeah. I get it. But let's face it.” Rainbow Dash sighed. “While she might be meaning well, I wouldn't want things to end up like that. Besides, I totally don't see her as a sister, and you know that Fluttershy.”

“Uhhhh...” Fluttershy blinked. “Who?”

“Applejack. Doyyy!” Rainbow smirked. “Thunderlane and Candy Floss have been getting all sappy over me—thinking I'm down in the dumps or some crap. Tomorrow, I'm gonna prove to Applejack that it's totally not the case with me. So, hopefully she won't ask me to do that. She'll just stick to being Apple Bloom's sister tomorrow just like any other day.” Rainbow winked. “Ya dig?”

“Rainbow Dash...” Fluttershy glared with dull eyebrows. “That's not what I—”

“Anyways, gotta go!” Rainbow soared skyward. “Stay silky!”

“That's not what I meant!” Fluttershy hollered out the window. It was too late; Rainbow Dash was a blue dot on the horizon. Huffing and puffing, Fluttershy stamped a hoof on the cottage's front entrance and grumbled, “Oh, Rainbow Dash... sometimes you can be such a... such a... fuzzhead!” She blinked, then winced like a knife was being dragged through her. “Oh goodness! Oh goodness!” She drooped and slinked backwards, closing the door shut as she looked fearfully at her beady-eyed squirrel friends. “That wasn't too harsh a name to call her, was it?”

Something Wicked This Way Lancies

“Have I ever mentioned that twelve is my favorite number?” Lancie mused.

“Nyeeehhhh...” Rainbow Dash, her mane still moist from a shower, teetered into the dimly-lit recesses of her bedroom. “Please, spare me the monologue...”

The statue sat on the edge of the pegasus' bedside table, swinging his stone legs. “It's such a curious little figure to put so much effort and weight into. Twelve. A dozen. What kind of a queer word is 'dozen'? Almost like the wordsmith who crafted it doze to sleep at the dictionary slab when he concocted it.”

“Mmmmmfnnngh...” Rainbow Dash fwomped into bed. “Lancie, please, I have to be up early tomorrow to kick clouds for Applejack.”

“Oh, and heaven forebid we should ruin that little act of chivalry, hmmm?” Lancie smirked, then counted the ends of his talons and antlers. “A jury of equine peers. A baker's dozen. The number of eggs in an egg carton. Hmmmmm.... You know, I think the first thing I'm gonna do when I get my stomach back is enjoy an omelette.”

“What's any of this have to do with anything?” Rainbow's muffled voice grumbled into her pillow.

“Well, while you're gone doing... I dunno—Mary Sue stuff for most of the day, I'm stuck here with nothing but my thoughts to entertain me.”

“Sounds like Hell.”

“Indeed. And, as always, my thoughts drift to my sweet handsome body. Seems like nature granted me a certain number of jigsaw pieces to keep together at a moment's burp. And—the way I figure it—if I'm the antler and you just found the turkey leg, then there's... let's see... three more legs... another antler... a tail... a wing... another wing... a head... a mouth... and a torso...”

“Mmmmmf... could ya help me out? I can't really brain good right now.”

“Twelve pieces. Twelve pieces altogether.” Lancie chuckled. “Ho ho!” He smiled a toothy grin. “No wonder I'm so enamored with that number!”

“Nnnnnnghhhh...” Rainbow turned over, suffocating herself with the pillow. “I refuse to believe that I've still got ten pieces of you left to grab!”

“Oh, don't be such a dithering dunkhead.” He smirked. “Odds are, ponies on the black market simply couldn't resist the opportunity to have more and more pieces to me. More than likely, you'll find a whole smorgasborg of smex to scoop up in your blue arms once you finally fly to Manehattan. A smexasborg! Hah hah!”

“Save your laughter for when I've got the energy to kick you.” Rainbow turned the light out, set her alarm clock, and flung the covers over her curled-up body. “Gotta... rest up...” She yawned, then wilted into the folds of the duvet. “Sisterhooves... Social... awaiting...”

“Ungh, with a name like that, it'll be no small wonder that you end up gagging in your sleep.”

“Mrmmfff... your mother is... gagging in her...” Rainbow slurred and snored. “Nnnyyttt... panties...”

“Good night, fare pegasus,” Lancie said, hopping down onto the floor. “May a flight of interrobangs explode thee to thy rest.”

Rainbow Dash said nothing; merely slumbered.

Lancie saw it. He glanced at her, then back at her bedside table. His stone eyes blinked, and he smirked to himself. “Hmmmm... hmmm-heheheheheheh...”

That Abysmal, Sinking Feeling

“You know, maybe your real problem is that you don't eat enough.”

“Hrmmmmzzzzzznnnkkkttt...”

“I mean, it may not account for the inexplicable numbness and atrophy, but it definitely explains how friggin' scrawny you are.”

“Hmmmmzzzzzzzzzzzschlkkkk...”

“I really think you should munch on something.”

“...”

“Like right now.”

“... ... ...”

“Since it's lunch time.”

“... ... ... ...!!!” Rainbow Dash's eyes flew wide open.

Bright sunlight poured through the window.

“Or, then again...” Lancie shrugged, juggling the alarm clock from paw to talon to paw to talon. “Maybe what you need is a good laugh.”

“BUCK!” Rainbow Dash kicked off the bed, pinballed off the ceiling, and snatched the alarm clock out of Lancie's grasp.

“Ooof!” Lancie fell hard to the floor, his legs curling above him like a dead cockroach's. “'Jee, Lancie, may I borrow the clock from your hands? Thanks, old ch-chum!'”

“Noon?!” A single tear rolled down from Rainbow's wide eyes. “Noon?!” She spun and gawked at the statue. “How can it possibly be noon?!”

“I told you!” Lancie sat up, gesturing. “My favorite number is twelve!” He squinted. “Hellooooo. Weren't you listening to a word I said last night?”

Rainbow bit her lip. A tiny squeal whined out of the corners of her muzzle. Her nostrils flared to the point of breaking as she saw a pale face reflected in the clockface.

“Now...” Lancie stood up straight, holding his arms out. “If you wanna try for a field goal, be my guest...”

Rainbow dropped the clock and zoomed across the room.

Lancie blinked. He turned to see her zig-zagging through the rest of the house, completely passing him. A half-second later, the clock landed hard on the floor and rattled to a stop. “Huh...” He blinked. “Well that was unexpected.” Slowly, he produced a devilish smile.

Rainbow Dash flew over the houses and treetops of Ponyville so swiftly that she nearly produced her own hurricane winds. All the while, her eyes remained locked on the southwest splotch of orchards.

“Mmmmmm...” She fought the urge to sniffle, to sob, to completely and utterly implode. “Piece of crud. Such a worthless, pointless piece of crud. Always bucking it up. Always... always... completely bucking it up.” She grimaced. “It's gone. It's all gone. She's gone. She'll never trust you... she'll never trust you again. She'll...”

Rainbow Dash gasped. She saw stands. She saw tents. She saw concession stands and temporarily erected fences and moving clusters of ponies, both young and old.

“Oh no... oh no oh no oh no oh no. I blew it.” She looked up at the clouds hanging overhead, and her voice wilted in her throat. “I completely and utterly blew it. I'm so horrible. I'm so... so... lame! Friggin' Celestia on a bike, I...”

There was an orange shape moving a box of red flags and banners across the east field.

Rainbow bit her lip, but nevertheless she soared straight down to where the mare was.

Applejack reached her mouth into the crate to grab the first of several obstacle course props.

FWOOSH! Rainbow Dash landed in front of her, almost breathless.

“Applejack!” Rainbow panted and panted, her wings drooped—as her whole body was drooped. She squatted low in Applejack's shadow and stared up at her with sad, sad eyes. “Applejack, I am so... soooooo sorry.”

“Whoah nelly!” Applejack hopped back, then steadied her hat on her head. “There ya are—!”

“Yes! I know! And I am so so so so insanely sorry! Omigosh omigosh omigosh...”

“Rainbow, what is—?”

Rainbow started pacing circles, hyperventilating. “I swore I set my alarm. But s-something happened to it overnight! While I was sleeping!” She shook her head as her beady-eyes darted from grass blade to grass blade. “I know it's hard to believe! And it doesn't matter if you believe me or not, because it's all my falt! I'm totally lame and totally disloyal and I screwed everything up when you and everypony else desperately needed me and—”

“Rainbow, for the love of apples, will ya just slow down?!”

“I'll understand if you never ever ever ever wanna talk to me ever again or the rest of the girls for that matter because if I royally screwed you over then how are they ever going to trust me or anypony else for that matter but that's all good and fine because somepony as lame and irresponsible as me probably deserves to be alone forever and ever anyways and—”

“Rainbow!” Applejack gripped the pegasus by her shoulders and anchored her to the ground. “Calm down, sugarcube! Yer ravin' like a lunatic!” She squinted into the mare's eyes. “Now what's gotten yer mane in such a tangle?”

Rainbow gulped, avoiding Applejack's gaze. “I... I slept in, Applejack.” Her weak muscles shivered as she struggled to stand upright. “You needed me... depended on me... and I slept in...”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Heh... then when do you normally get up, darlin'? Five o'clock?”

Rainbow Dash glanced up, lip quivering. “Huh...?” Just then, the front door swung open and a red body thundered out, yawning.

“Good mornin', Big Mac!” Applejack turned and waved at her brother. “Ready to get the last few tents pitched?”

“Mmmm... eeyup.” He yawned once last time and waved before trotting off towards the noticeably barren obstacle courses to assist the other mares and stallions who had gathered to prepare.

Rainbow Dash blinked. “I... I don't get it.” She turned and squinted at Applejack. “Does your brother always wake up after noon?”

“Heck, no! He's usually up at the crack of dawn. Poor fella worked his hooves off last night, settin' things up, so I figured I let him sleep in a bit. Heh...” Applejack returned to the stack of boxes. “So, ain't no sweat in a pony like you doin' the same. Besides, yer earlier than I expected.”

“I... am...?” Rainbow Dash blinked.

“Why, yes, Rainbow.” Applejack slapped a crate down, wiped her brow, and glanced over. “'Bout a half hour after seven. Why?” She blinked. “What time didja think it was?”

Rainbow Dash silently repeated Applejack's words. Her eyes flew towards the horizon. She blinked, then frowned with a heavy snarl. “Lancie... Lancie I am going to obliterate you.”

“Lancie? Heh... what in the hay is a 'Lancie?'”

“He... he only set the time! He didn't... I mean I didn't... I mean...” Rainbow Dash blinked, teetered, then fell back on her haunches. It came out as a snort at first, then a spittake. She hugged herself and giggled incessantly, nearly falling over in the dirt.

Applejack stared, her face hanging between concern and amusement. “Eh... heheheheh...” she nervously guffawed.

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh jeez...” Rainbow Dash wiped at the corner of her eyes. “Maybe he was right. Maybe all I needed was a good laugh.” She flinched, then flexed her hooves, realizing that she could almost feel them fully all of the sudden. “Heh... will you look at that... bloodrush's gonna blood, I guess.”

“Well, I've got some last-minute preparin' to do.” Applejack pointed blindly behind her. “Granny's up and about. She's in the kitchen, fixin' breakfast. Feel free to grab yerself some grub before you get to cloud clearin', if ya like. Either way, we're all happy to have ya lendin' us a hoof.”

“Mmmmmmm...” Rainbow Dash leaned forward with a delirious grin. “You're gorgeous.”

“Hmmmfff?” Applejack pulled her head out of a crate and spat a few lengths of rope out. “Ptooie. Didja say something', sugarcube?”

“Uhhhhh... d'uhhhm...” Rainbow Dash flinched, then hopped up to her hooves. “The clouds... are... g-gorgeous!” her voice cracked. “It's a total shame I gotta kick them loose before anypony can see them, but... y'know... more power to the sisterhooves!” She shot skyward in a blue blur. “Woooooo yeah!”

Applejack shrugged, smiled, and adjusted her hat before returning to her work.

Not That Kind of a "Social"

The ground switched from dirt road to springy grass beneath me as the three of us shuffled along.

“Eeungh!” A dainty voice to my right whined. “Honestly, m-must they place the stands so terribly close to the pig pen? And why are there no awnings? I was promised awnings! Ohhhh... I will positively melt in this deplorable heat!”

“Rarityyyyyyyyy!” Sweetie Belle's voice sounded off from my left. “You're embarrassing meeeeee! Stop complaining about everything!”

“Well, if only everything would stop giving me things to complain about!”

“None of the other sisters are whining! Why can't we be like them?”

“What, and dress so unfashionably and... plainly? Ungh! Look at everypony! Not a single one has thought to bring a sash or a parisol! I do believe this engagement is called a 'Social.' One would think that such a thing carries an air of sophistication, hmmm?”

“Could you just relax, please? We came here to have fun. Remember fun?”

“Yes, and I also remember humidity and sun stroke. That doesn't necessarily mean I have to experience all at once.”

“Ugh... for the love of Celestia...” Sweetie Belle sighed. Nevertheless, she took the time to glance my way and smile. “Thanks for coming along, Scootaloo. Seriously, you're a life saver.”

“Oh! H-hey!” I looked back at her with a crooked smile. “Having the time of my life over here!”

“Really?” Sweetie blinked, then squee'd. “That's so great!” her voice cracked. “And here I thought my sister's whining was just making you miserable to be here!”

I rolled my eyes and looked across the farm. I saw older and younger ponies gathered in pairs, signing up for the competitions to come later. “Looks like they're still signing ponies in to do the obstacle courses.”

“You hear that, Rarity?! Doesn't that sound so cool?”

“Sweetie Belle, we've been over this. I'm only here to provide moral support.”

“Awwwwwwwww...” Sweetie stamped a hoof. “But can't we just do one competition?”

“Nay, Sweetie Belle. I'm risking perspiration just by being here.”

“Oooh! How about the watermelon eating competition? I bet you wouldn't sweat doing that!”

“Eeeuuu-ewww! How uncouth! Just to think! Making a gluttonous display of myself before everypony! It's positively revolting—”

“Hey...” I pointed towards a tent where the twins from the Ponyville Day Spa were gathered. “Looks like there's a sponsored beauty contest going on.”

“A...” Rarity's eyelashes batted. “A beauty contest?” She anxiously bit on the end of her hoof. “Hmmmm... that d-does sound... quite enticing actually.”

“Oooh! Ooooh!” Sweetie Belle hopped up and down. “We should totally enter!”

“Well...”

“Oh please? Please please please please pleeeeeeeeease?”

“A beauty contest?” I tried not to vomit all over myself. “Seriously, though?”

“Seems that they're going for matching ensembles,” Rarity said. “Ah, I see. So it is one of the competitions that they have planned for today.”

“Right! And I brought my favorite sister along!” Sweetie Belle squeaked.

Rarity laughed airily and patted Sweetie's head. “Also your only sister, darling.”

“Eugh...” I groaned. “Count me out.”

“Oh, Scootaloo, where are my manners?” Rarity smiled my way. “You and Apple Bloom had plans of meeting up and being—how did you put it—'sisters for a day,' yes?”

“Eh... I guess...”

“We should arrange that before anything else. It's only fitting.”

“Nah, it's alright.” I sighed and glanced up at the sky. “Really. I-I just came here for 'moral support' too. I knew I wasn't cut out for this stuff today. I mean... I haven't got a sister—”

FWOOOSH! Something bright and blue rocketed its way across the sky.

My eyes twitched.

All around me, ponies and their filly siblings gasped.

“Whoahhhhhhh!”

“Didja see that?!”

“That's so awesome!”

“Of course it's awesome! It's Rainbow Dash!”

“Rainbow Dash is h-here?!”

“Yeah! Look at her move!”

“Wow! That can only be her!”

“Woohooo!”

“You rock, Rainbow Dash!”

A body corkscrewed overhead, knocking loose the clouds and sending sparkling mists scattering across the morning sunlight with intermittent prism beams. Time slowed as the acrobatic flier in question spun about with a devilish smirk, saluting with a bright blue hoof.

I felt my blood freeze and melt all in one second. My feathertips flapped and I stood on the edges of my hooves. “No... friggin'... way...” I grinned so hard, my jaw nearly popped. “She's here! She's really, really here!”

“Eeyup!” Applejack trotted up, along with Apple Bloom. “Ain't a gorgeous day unless Rainbow here kicks it clear!” The air thundered from Rainbow's soaring wings as Applejack tilted her hat and smirked at us. “Howdy, Sweetie Belle! Howdy, Scootaloo! Howdy...” She blinked, then squinted. “...Rarity?”

“Ahem. Blessed morning to you too, Applejack.”

“Uhhhh...”

“Why do you look so surprised?”

“I dunno. Reckon I ain't used to seein' yer coat reflect natural sunlight.”

“Hmmmph. Be as jocular as you want, Applejack.” Rarity stretched a hoof around Sweetie Belle. “But I'm simply here to do what older sisters do best.”

“Oh, right! Heh... I ain't harpin' on that at all! No siree!”

“And... uhm... on a completely unrelated note...” Rarity smiled awkwardly with glistening eyes. “Is it too late to enter the beauty contest?”

“Rarityyyyy,” Sweetie belle moaned, rolling her eyes.

“Heheh... Not at all.” Applejack motioned along. “Come this way. Aloe and Lotus are just gettin' things set up!”

Rarity tried her futile best to contain a squeal as she dragged Sweetie Belle with her. In the meantime, I sat where I was, staring up at the sky with a stupid smile.

I was only vaguely aware of Apple Bloom's drawling voice. “Didja hear me, Scootaloo?”

“Hmmm? Huh? What?” I turned to blink at her.

“We'd better get a'goin' to the competition sign-ups if we wanna take part in any of the events!” she said with a bright smile. “There's still four or six slots left on the Big Race!”

“Uhhh... Yeah! Yeah, we should totally sign up!”

“Then what are ya waitin' for?!” Apple Bloom galloped away. “Follow me!”

“Yeah! S-sure thing!” I lingered... then lingered some more. I felt a flushed heat to my cheeks as I gazed proudly at the swaths being sliced through the clouds overhead. “So... friggin'... awesome...”

In a happy breath, I turned and scampered after Apple Bloom. I felt suddenly like I could gallop fifty miles in a blink.

Hail, Hail, the Gang's...

The day's events began with a potato sack race. Apple Bloom and I entered in together. Applejack and Granny Smith cheered from the sidelines as the two of us flounced and tumbled towards the finish line. We collapsed on several occasions, giggling at ourselves. Eventually, after much toil, we finished in second place. Ponies cheered and hollered while sisters—both old and young—collected their ribbons and hugged.

This is what Fluttershy saw when she arrived, and she smiled.

“Howdy, darlin'.”

Fluttershy turned and beamed. “Big Mac!” She rushed towards the stallion. The two stop within a breath of each other and rubbed the sides of their cheeks. “I'm so sorry for not being here earlier.”

“Hmmmm...” He smiled at her, his freckles turning red. “S'alright.”

“Angel didn't sleep well overnight and Bunny Thompkins had stomach cramps. I just had to make sure they were alright before coming over.” She stared bashfully from behind her mane. “I... uh... I hope that's alright.”

Big Macintosh merely smiled at her.

“I didn't miss much, I hope?”

He shook his head. “Eenope.”

“G-good!” Her wingtips fluttered. She reached back and displayed a basket full of jars. “I brought the spices for Granny Smith's hay alfredo. I know she's planning a big meal for all the sisters and other ponies later. Do... uhm... do you think she'll let me help out around the kitchen this time?”

The stallion chuckled and nodded. “Eeyup. Yer practically family now, Flutters. I hope you realize that.”

The mare blinked, then folded her ears with a blushing expression. “Practically... family...” She smiled aside, her eyes slightly misty. “You know, my mother and father never tr-trusted me with helping make the family meal.” She gulped. “Or my brothers and sisters, for that matter. I was... always g-getting in the way...”

“You are never in the way, Fluttershy.”

“Are you sure? Because I-I'm more used to cooking for my animal friends and—”

“Fluttershy...”

“Er... right.” She exhaled and nodded nervously. “I'll help Granny the best that I can. I promise.”

“She'll be glad for it,” Big Mac said. Suddenly, it was his turn to fidget. “Erm... Fluttershy?”

“Mmm? Yes, Big Mac?”

“I don't suppose... uh... that today is the day that we...I mean...” He bit his lip. “There are so m-many ponies here and...”

“Ohhhhhhh Big Mac.” She leaned in and nuzzled his chest. “I would love to. I really, really would. But...” She looked up at him with sparkling eyes. “Please, if it's okay with you, I'd rather we wait until all of my mare friends are around to see it... to see us.”

Big Mac exhaled. “Yeah, okay...”

“Okay?”

He smiled and nodded.

“Please. Don't be afraid. They're my friends,” Fluttershy said with a sweet smile. “They're going to be so... so happy for us. I just know it.”

“Mmmm-yup...” Big Macintosh exhaled with a relieved grin.

“Hey! Big Mac!” a stallion hollered from the distance. “The concessions tent is a bit wobbly! Could you come check it out!”

“Eeyup!” Big Macintosh started to trot off. He paused, glancing back at Fluttershy.

She giggled. “Go on ahead. I'll deliver the spices to Granny myself.”

He nodded. Then, with a lasting smile, he quickly galloped away.

Fluttershy watched him, her wings outstretched to either side. She gave a long, warm sigh.

“Seriously, girl. That dude could eat you,” a voice cracked from above.

“Eeep!” Fluttershy spun to see Rainbow sitting on the limb of an apple tree, her legs dangling.

“Why couldn't you have settled for a stallion who could at least walk onto an elevator without fear of it breaking?” She winked.

“Rainbow Dash! You're...” Fluttershy blinked. “You're here!”

“Pffft-yeah. Don't try to sound so surprised. I told you that Applejack invited me, right?”

“Yes, but you've clearly kicked the clouds away.” Fluttershy turned towards the fields where pony sisters were competing in pairs. “And the activities have already started.”

“You're wondering what I'm still doing here?”

“Uhm... y-yes?”

Rainbow shrugged. “When Applejack asks me to be someplace, it's kinda hard for me to leave my post.”

“Why do you make it sound like being a soldier?”

“Pffft. Come on, girl. I don't rag you about your wars.”

Fluttershy giggled... then giggled again.

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “Wowsers. Somepony's really... giddy today.”

“I just can't help it.” Fluttershy's tail flicked. “It's a beautiful day. The farm's doing well. You're here. Big Macintosh is here. Everything feels so... so...” She suddenly blinked, then glanced across the field to where Apple Bloom and I were lining up to do another race. “...perfect?”

“You sure about that?” Rainbow chuckled. “Cuz you sure look confused to me.”

“Uhm... maybe.” Fluttershy gulped and turned towards her friend. “Rainbow Dash, I was thinking...”

“Don't you sweat. I'm totally on it.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah...” Rainbow flapped her wings and took off for the bright blue sky. “It's been an hour since my last airshow! I gotta liven things up a bit or else the kids here will totally riot!”

“Rainbow Dash, that wasn't what I was about to—”

“Can't talk now!” Rainbow rocketed out of ear shot. “Got stunts to pull! Woooo-hoooo!”

Flutterhy sighed, her body deflating. “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Rainbow Dash...” She slowly trudged her way to the farmhouse where the smell of kitchen cooking wafted from.

Social Infinity

Rainbow Dash twirled through the air, gathered misty wisps of moisture in her wings, and flew up in a savage backflip. The moisture condensed halfway through her spinning motions, so that when she came out of her aerial somersault, she did so with a splash of moisture in every direction, making the air around her glitter from refracted sunlight. She dove through a prismatic light show and landed in a long, skidding trough through the farm soil. After two seconds, she struck a dramatic pose, just in time for a rainbow-colored spotlight to linger on her body for about five seconds and then fade with the dissipating moisture from above.

Sweet Apple Acres filled with thunderous applause, mostly from the fillies gathered along the fringes of the wooden stands. The midday picnic had culminated, and Rainbow Dash had given the eating patrons a show that they would not soon forget.

“Thank you! Thank you!” Rainbow Dash bowed, bowed again, and tossed her damp mane back. “Heh... I'm here all week.” She smirked, rolled her eyes, and muttered, “Except for the times when I'm working my flank off or throwing my neck into danger, but—for the most part—I'm here all friggin' week!”

“Wooohooo!”

“Yaaaaay!”

“Awesome!”

Before the foals could flock over to Rainbow Dash, Granny Smith strolled over. “Not so fast, young'ns! You'll have yer chance to sweat off that sweet apple pie! Let's head on over to the barrel rolling contest, now! Yer gonna lurve this one, or else I'm a rotten possum in disguise!”

“Y'all heard Granny!” Apple Bloom cheered, bouncing in place. “Let's get goin! Come along, Scootaloo!”

“Right behind you!” I turned to smile at Rainbow Dash as I galloped along. “Rainbow, you're the best! Thanks for showing!”

“Heh...” Rainbow Dash glanced the other way and rubbed her hoof against her chest. “Thanks for having the eyeballs to notice, kid.”

I giggled inwardly—and nearly ran into a fence post. Blushing, I ran swiftly, trying to outrace all the other fillies.

Rainbow Dash exhaled. Once the bulk of the sisters—young and old—had made it to the far side of the Social, she leaned back and flexed her forelimbs. She winced a bit, mumbling to herself. “Darn it... I-I shoulda saved up for another dose before today. If only I knew—”

“Plum tuckered, sugarcube?”

“D'uhhmmm!” Rainbow Dash swiftly sat on her hooves, sticking her spine straight up. “Not at all! Just... y'know...” She smirked devilishly. “Chillaxing while I still can.”

“Shucks, I know I'd be worn out from all that zippin' and flippin' about!” Applejack leaned against the fence beside Rainbow Dash, tilting her hat forward. “Dun know how ya manage to do it and keep yer spikey lil' head still attached.”

“Eh, it takes practice,” Rainbow said, then muttered aside. “And I'm not little.”

“Heh. No sense in arguin' with you.”

Rainbow Dash took a breath. She coiled her wings tightly at her side and stared towards the farthest horizon. “So...” She coughed. “Uhm... The Social! It sure is... uh... social, I guess...”

“Y'know, I've never fancied the name too much myself,” Applejack said. “It ain't exactly an apple family tradition.”

“Oh no?” Rainbow Dash blinked at the orchards. “You could have fooled me. I mean... it takes place on your farmland n'stuff.”

“Eh... we adopted it, Rainbow,” Applejack said. “Ever since I was a wee filly... even younger than Apple Bloom. It was Granny Smith's idea. Beforehand, it took place in the city park. The Harvest Family ran it.”

“Oh, you mean Golden's folks?”

“Yup.”

“What made you guys take up the gruntwork?”

“Pffft.” Applejack smirked. “You make it sound like it's a burden or somethang!”

Rainbow Dash winced. “S-sorry...”

“Simple understandin', darlin'. Ain't nothin' to get all tangled up about.” Applejack watched the fillies gathering about by a cluster of barrels. A soft smile hung off her features. “Granny's made one sort of claim or another, but the way I figure it... she felt Big Macintosh and I needed somethin' to get our minds off of... off of... well...” She chewed her lip and stared at the grass below the fence. “...thangs that weren't all too happy when we were young.”

“I got ya...”

“And then, well, it sort of turned into a new tradition. I looked forward to preparin' for the Social right here on Sweet Apple Acres every year. Heck, I even lurved the part that involved workin' extra hours to get the lawn all cleaned up and prepared for a bunch of downtown visitors. I dunno if you can relate, but doin' hard work gets yer mind off the unpleasant thangs... especially when ya strive towards somethin' great and wholesome. It does wonders for the spirit.”

“I... uh... I can understand,” Rainbow Dash said, tilting her face towards Applejack a little. She gulped. “Believe me.”

Applejack looked back at Rainbow Dash. A few seconds passed. She smiled. “I didn't think she'd be so happy.”

“Uhhh...” Rainbow Dash blinked. “Who?”

“Apple Bloom,” Applejack said. She looked back towards the far side of the field. “Every year, she harps on me over what kind of a strategy we'll be usin' to outscore all the other ponies at the Social. But this time, bein' partnered up with a 'sister-for-a-day' and all? She don't seem to mind none.”

“Well, they're kinda sorta best friends, AJ.”

“I know that. But... t'ain't the same. At least, that's what I always thought.”

“Oh yeah?”

“But... when you think about it...” Applejack smiled. “Life's really simple, cuz we're all meant to fill in the grooves with each other, ya feel me?” She glanced over. “Brothers? Sisters? Friends?” She shook her head. “Don't make no difference, so long as y'all trust each other and can support one another when push comes to shove.”

“Uhhh... yeah. Sure!”

“That's why the Sisterhooves Social means so much to me, I reckon.” Applejack looked towards Apple Bloom once more. “It was there to rescue our spirits when... when our folks died.” She sighed, but through curved lips. “Just like everypony I know and love constantly remind me that—when the goin' gets tough—there's somethin' worth sweatin' for in the end.”

“Are you... trying to say we're all sisters?” Rainbow Dash asked. She gulped. “Even Big Macintosh?”

Applejack guffawed. Her hat tilted too far and she slapped it firmly atop her head. After a deep breath, she smiled and said, “I'm just sayin' that we're lucky, 'cuz no matter how much we lose, we can find ways to feel complete once more. My sister's a livin' testament of that.” Applejack nodded her head towards the opposite side of the field. “And her best friend's got a smile on her face 'cuz of it too.”

Rainbow nodded. She bit her lip, clamping her hooves tightly against the grass as her voice cracked, “AJ, I just want you to know that... th-that if you ever feel like things are... too tough...”

Applejack raised an eyebrow.

Rainbow Dash stared at her. She could only manage a crooked smile. “...you can always count on me.” She gulped, then added dryly, “Y'know, for s-support...”

Applejack blinked... then blinked again. “Why, of course I know that, sugarcube.” She smiled. “You came in for me today, didn't y'all?”

“Heheh... heheheh...” Rainbow Dash exhaled heavily. “Yeahhhh...”

“You must be famished.” Applejack walked by, slapping Rainbow Dash good-naturedly on the shoulder. “Go have yerself some of Granny's vittles. You've earned it.”

Rainbow Dash waited for Applejack to leave before wheezing for breath. She slouched forward with a wincing expression, then ran a numb hoof over where her body still stung from the slapping hoof. Despite the residual pulses of dull pain, she smiled dumbly.

“Heh... with a ch-cherry on top...”

Heart to Heart

Rainbow Dash lay on the front porch to the Apple Family farm house. Her chin was slumped over her crossed forelimbs, and she gazed with lethargic eyes upon the mares and fillies performing one competition after another among the barrels towards the far end of the field.

There was a slight breeze, followed by the flapping of feathers. Four yellow hooves daintily touched down on the wooden floorboards behind Rainbow Dash.

“Uhm... I-I see that you didn't touch any of Granny Smith's 'vittles,'” Fluttershy said.

“Meh,” Rainbow meh'd. Her nostrils flared as she stared off into the orchards. “I'm not really all that hungry.”

“Don't you get tired of using that excuse, Rainbow Dash?”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

Fluttershy trotted forward and stood beside the other pegasus. “I really, really wish you would eat more. I mean... you're such an active pegasus, and you're small enough as it is.”

“Oh for the love of—” Rainbow rolled her eyes and glanced aside. “What is it with everypony insisting that I'm somehow scrawny compared to the rest of you guys?”

“Erm... w-well...” Fluttershy bit her lip.

Rainbow blinked at her. She glanced at Fluttershy's left foreleg, then at her own hooves. Three seconds into her eyes adjusting for the size difference, she gave up and glared up at the sky. “Eugh... whatever...”

Fluttershy stifled a giggle and squatted down beside Rainbow Dash. “This is nice, isn't it?”

“Define nice,” Rainbow droned. “You have more meanings for it than a walrus has for 'snow.'”

“Hearth's Warming has always been a bit too festive for me. And you know how I feel about Nightmare Night.”

“Uh huh...”

“But this? This Social?” Fluttershy smiled warmly into the distant crowd of ponies. “It's a perfectly serene celebration of family and sisterhood. I wish all occasions were as lovely and... nice as this.”

“Fluttershy, you've never been all that big on family,” Rainbow said. “I mean—like—you never got the chance to.”

“Yes.” Fluttershy hung her head. “I know.” She sighed a bit, but produced a weak smile. “But all of that may be changing soon.”

Rainbow Dash glanced aside at her. “You're dead-set, aren't you?”

Fluttershy avoided her gaze. “Uhm... I-I'm not alone.”

“No.” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “You're not.”

Silence.

With a sigh, Rainbow gazed once more at the crowd. “Fluttershy, what's our deal?”

“Hmmm?”

“Why is it that we... y'know... dig the Apple Family so damn much?”

Fluttershy's pupils shrank upon the realization of that. Something burst out of her dainty muzzle in the form of a laugh. After a few seconds, she brushed a mane over her flushed forehead. “Oh m-my... we both do love the Apple Family, don't we?”

“Nnnngh...” Rainbow grumbled. “Yeah.”

Fluttershy winced. She gazed at her friend, then rested her head down until it was level with Rainbow's. “Well, let's see... uh... they're nice.”

“Ugh.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Gimme a break.”

“Heehee... ahem... What I suppose I should say is that they find time to be nice. They have so many pressing concerns as it is. They have a farm to run. They have a community to support. They have livestock to feed and produce to sell in markets both near and far. And yet, in spite of all the strength and courage they already exercise, they find time for ponies like us. They find time for their friends, and they find time for... for the ponies they love.”

“Uh huh...” Rainbow Dash nodded limply. “Some more than others.”

Instead of wincing again, Fluttershy tightened her jaw and said, “Big Macintosh has so much on his plate. I've always known that his family takes first for him. And yet—especially lately—when we're together?” She sighed out her nostrils and rested her face in a melting smile. “I feel as though his whole world revolves around me.”

Rainbow Dash shut her eyes.

Fluttershy went on. “I-I didn't ask for it at first! For that matter, I didn't even think anything was happening! I simply found him a good and valued friend, and I admired his steadfastness and courage. I marveled that he could be so strong and fearless... and yet so soft-spoken and shy at the same time. It's amazing. Even the strongest of ponies can relish in gentleness, and even the weakest of ponies have great strength to show. And he's given me the opportunity to be strong for him... and to be strong for myself.” She stared down at her hooves and fiddled with the wooden knotches in the porch's floorboards. “I love him. I really do. And I love that a stallion who exemplifies so much integrity could actually find something in me to love. It... it's made me more proud to be alive than I ever was.”

“And that's sayin' something,” Rainbow muttered.

“Erm... yes. Yes, it is.”

Another sigh, and then Rainbow said, “I envy you, Fluttershy...”

Fluttershy gulped. “Rainbow...”

“No, for real.” Rainbow gazed aside at her. “I wish I could... y'know... fall in love quietly. I wish that it didn't have to make or break me with each breath I took. I used to laugh at you for being afraid of your own shadow. But... really? In the long run?” She stared back out into the field. “You're not the one who's a coward.”

“I don't think it's cowardly to love who you love, Rainbow Dash.”

“No, but it's stupid and it's lame. I mean, I'm awesome. I deserve better than to tear myself apart like this! Why, if I had any friggin' respect for myself whatsoever, I... I...”

Fluttershy bit on her lip.

Rainbow's eyes twitched. She thought aloud, “I w-wouldn't settle for anything less than what was legit...”

Silence.

At last, Fluttershy spoke. “Rainbow, I... I-I cannot pretend to understand your motivations half of the time. I shudder whenever I remember the day that I turned down my best friend. Just to imagine the look on your little f-face...” Fluttershy's voice waved slightly.

Rainbow winced at that, but tried not to show it.

Clearing her throat, Fluttershy continued. “But I have always sensed—always known—that the love you've had to give has always been a true love. The truest, deepest, and most precious love there is to give.”

“Even with Listing? Gilda?”

“Nopony's perfect.”

“Heheheh...” Rainbow chuckled bitterly. “No crap.”

“Those were mistakes and everypony knew them.” Fluttershy fidgeted. “Some of us... knew the consequences of those mistakes more than others. I worried about you so much, Rainbow Dash. I really did.”

“Mmmf... I know...”

“Do you?” Fluttershy gulped. “There were days when I thought I'd never see you again... that I may not be blessed with the excitement and charisma you'd have to give my everyday life.” She smiled painfully. “But then Twilight showed up.” Her eyes moistened slightly. “And a force greater than the Sun and Moon brought us back together again. And... it's been so wonderful, Rainbow Dash. It's been so absolutely incredible...”

“Yeah... I'll agree with that,” Rainbow Dash said. “Though, with a little less sap.”

“And now...” Fluttershy grimaced slightly. “I... I-I can't help but feel worried about you again.”

Rainbow turned her head to look at her.

Fluttershy gazed earnestly. “I'm worried that... that your days with Listing Breeze—or perhaps something worse that I don't even know about—has made you believe that you have to suffer for love. And that shouldn't be the case.” She shook her head. “Nopony as amazing as you deserves to be punished over and over again for no reason.”

Rainbow stared lazily. “If Big Macintosh woke up one morning, and he forgot everything about the two of you, would you give up on winning him back?”

Fluttershy's muzzle hung open. Ultimately she hung her head, avoiding Rainbow's face.

Rainbow shrugged limply. “It's okay, Fluttershy. Really. Don't feel so bad.” She gazed out at the field. “I'm the most awesome pegasus around. Being cool as that is bound to come with some eccentricities. Like legs that don't wanna work half the time.” She rested her chin on her hooves. “Or a heart that doesn't know which friggin' way is north...”

“I... uh... I don't know how to help you, Rainbow.”

“Then don't.”

Nevertheless, Fluttershy clenched her teeth and said, “But I do know this. I know there's a pony who thinks the world of you.”

Rainbow Dash lay still, listening.

“I know that there's a pony who believes that you are everything you've ever said you were.” Fluttershy smiled. “A pony who's entire day brightens when you so much as fly by.”

“I know where you're going with this, Flutters,” Rainbow muttered.

“Do you?” Fluttershy cocked her head to the side. “Then why do you keep ignoring it?”

“I'm not ignoring it,” Rainbow grunted, then sighed. “It's for her own good.”

“How...” Fluttershy blinked painfully, fumbling for words. “What could that possibly—?”

“When I was Scootaloo's age, I didn't have anypony to turn to,” Rainbow muttered. “When my dad died, I was on my own. Sure, there were adults who rushed in, trying to coddle me with all sorts of lame words and pretend-feelings. But I gave them the cold shoulder. And it was all for the best. Life sucked—and all they were gonna do was set me up for an even bigger fall. I didn't need that; I didn't need them. All I needed was myself... and I got by pretty well.”

“And what does that have to do with Scootaloo?”

“What doesn't it have to do with her?” Rainbow sighed. “The kid's got issues. I recognize some, but I can't pretend to know all of them. And I sure as heck can't pretend that I can suddenly and magically make her world all better just by giving her a pat on the back.”

“Rainbow...”

“I mean it! The kid's talented. She's awesome in her own right. If she wants to get far in this world, all she needs is herself. She doesn't need me stumbling into her... and breaking her heart.” Rainbow gulped and stared off towards the horizon. “She doesn't need some lame-o like me as a role model... a pony who dropped out of flight school, got into two horribad relationships, and now pines away everyday for a heaven-sent mare who couldn't be damned into giving me more than a passing wink.” Rainbow's eyes closed. “As far as Scootaloo knows, I'm the best there is. Might as well keep it that way.”

“Rainbow, do you honestly think any of that actually matters?”

Rainbow was silent.

Fluttershy squinted. “What would it mean to you if—for one single day—Applejack was to drop everything that she was doing and cherish you from the bottom of her heart?”

Rainbow's entire body flinched. Still, she said nothing.

“Would it not bring you unfathomable joy, Rainbow?”

“Mrmmf... Fluttershy, let's be real here.” Rainbow's eyes opened, and they were misty. “That's never going to happen... ever.” She sniffled, blinking towards the grassy lawn. “And even if it did happen... it wouldn't be real.”

“Rainbow...” Fluttershy reached a hoof over. “Look at me.”

Rainbow's gaze tilted up to meet her friend's.

Fluttershy smiled. “You have nothing but real love to give. The realest and truest love that I've ever been blessed to see. You need to realize that it's okay to start giving that love... instead of waiting forever to receive something that's barely an ounce of what you have to bestow.”

Rainbow gulped. When she spoke, it was in a shaky tone. “I'm too sc-scared, Fluttershy. Scootaloo... sh-she reminds me too much of me when I was her age. She deserves an older sister who w-won't let her down.”

“Now, does that sound like somepony who doesn't care for the foal?” Fluttershy said.

Rainbow's lips pursed, but she had nothing to say.

Fluttershy leaned in to nuzzle Rainbow. As she did so, she murmured close to her ear. “Maybe Applejack is meant for you. Maybe she isn't. In this life, marefriends and colfriends come and go. But we both know that there's one pony who deserves a sister today... and only one sister. Your heart is strong, Rainbow. Share that heart with somepony. Please, don't be alone.”

Rainbow inhaled sharply upon hearing that. Her eyes glinted with a gray sheen, like the misty beds of Cloudsdale on a pale afternoon. When she blinked, Fluttershy was gone, flying off to join the festivities. Rainbow Dash sat alone with the thuds of her heartbeat, and it tore her to shreds.

She didn't realize she was standing up until she felt a wobble to her knees. She glanced down at her hooves. She could barely feel them, but she knew that they were supporting her all the same. With a clenched jaw, she trotted forward, broke into a gallop, then lifted off.

“Nice one there, Dinky!” Applejack clapped her hooves and cheered from the sidelines. “You and Amethyst sure are givin' the rest the run for their money! Heheheh!” She leaned against the wooden fence and smiled down at two familiar figures. “Why so glum, darlin's? Y'all are up soon!”

“Nnngh... Let's face it, Applejack...” I kicked limply at the grass blades. “We suck at all the competitions.”

“Awwwww...” Applejack pouted and smirked at the same time. “Now what kind of an attitude is that?!”

“It's okay, sis...” Apple Bloom said with a nervous smile. “It's my fault, really. I'm so used to being coordinated with you every year.” She rubbed her head and half-muttered to me. “Sorry, Scoots. I feel like I'm just slowin' ya down.”

“Naw! Naw, it's okay!” I smiled crookedly. “Really! I'm having fun! I mean... just 'being sisters for a day' is all that it's about.”

“Pffft. Ya sure about that, kid?” A gust of air nearly knocked the two of us off our haunches. “Cuz, from where I fly, winning is the name of the game!”

I looked up. “Oh, hi there, Rainbow.” I did a double-take, then hopped up on all four hooves. “Rainbow! You're still here?!”

“Yup!” Rainbow nodded with a smirk. “And I couldn't help but overhear how lame things have been as of late.”

“Uhhhhh—” Applejack blinked dumbly.

“Pfft! You kidding?” I waved a hoof and brought my other forelimb around Apple Bloom's shoulder. “We're just warming up! You wait around long enough to check us out, Rainbow! We're gonna smoke all these posers!”

“I was thinking of something a little bit different.”

I blinked, my limp hoof dropping Apple Bloom (“Whoah!” Thud!) “You were...?”

“Hmmmmm...” Rainbow Dash rubbed her chin in thought. “Apple Bloom's used to coordinating with Applejack, and Scootaloo's not used to having to slow down!” She stamped her hoof down. “Well. Looks like there's only one option.” She smirked. “Apple Bloom should hook back up with her real sibling, AJ. And as for me?” She not-so-stealthily dragged me towards her by a wing. “IIIIII think it's about time I tried this sister-for-a-day thing myself.”

“You-whoah-wait-what?!” My eyes went wide-as-saucers. “You... mean you wanna be sisters-for-a-day...” I gulped. “With me?!”

“What?” Rainbow squinted. “You afraid? Heh... as if the world revolves around you, kid. I gotta try every competition in Ponyville at least once. I've held back all this time cuz I didn't wanna make the rest of these chumps look bad.”

“Uhhh... uhhhh...” I stammered, wings twitching.

“So, whaddya say, squirt?”

“Yes!” Apple Bloom jumped with joy. “Yes yes yes!” She flew sideways and clung to Applejack's forelimb. “I'm paired up with my sister again! Squeeeeeee!” She blinked, then winced in my direction. “Uhm... n-no offense, Scootaloo...”

“Heh... are you k-kidding?” I giggled breathily. “This is great! This is more than great!” I leaned into Rainbow's embrace, my eyes tightly shut above a warm smile. “Thanks so much, Rainbow Dash! I won't let you down!”

“Yeah, better make sure you don't, kid.”

“Wow...” Apple Bloom blinked up at Applejack. “I can't believe we actually get to compete with half of the competitions still left! Isn't that amazin', Applejack?!”

“It sure is,” Applejack said, all the while her eyes rested on Rainbow Dash. Smirking, she said, “Almost makes you wonder why it didn't happen sooner.”

“Eheh...” Rainbow Dash smiled nervously, her cheeks red. “If some ponies can be 'fashionably late,' then certainly there's a method of being 'awesomely late.'”

“Whatever plucks yer corn, sugarcube.”

Rainbow Dash smiled.

Applejack smiled.

“Oooh! Oooh! That whistle!” I hopped. “That means we're up! Let's get going, Rainbow!”

“Not so fast, kid. Being quick is my job. You're just the... uh... pupil!”

“Heh! Whatever you say!” I galloped off, a difficult task considering how much I was giggling. Rainbow swiftly glided after me.

Apple Bloom, in the meanwhile, tugged on Applejack's foreleg. “Come on! Come on! The barrel competition is about to start! Let's show Team Rainbowloo who owns this farm!”

“Heheh... alright, AB! Just dun tug so hard!”

As we all scampered off, one figure bounced up from where she sat in the wooden stands. “Oh come on!” Sweetie Belle incredulously barked, gawking at Rarity. “Did you see that?! Did you?!” her voice cracked. “What's our excuse?! Huh?!”

“Uh uh uh, Sweetie Belle. Lower your voice. You might accidentally squeeze the sweat out from my pores...”

Scootadashery

Where do I even begin?

Rainbow Dash and I had the greatest Sisterhooves Social ever. Then again, it was my only Sisterhooves Social ever. I wasn't so sure how many she had under her belt at the time. I'd find out later, of course, but that didn't matter much to me that day. Nothing else but the moment did. I was just a little orange ball of joy... one that wouldn't possibly get off the ground if it wasn't for her.

We smoked the others at the barrel competition. I mean, of course we did. Between my nimbleness and Rainbow Dash's sheer awesome speed, we tackled the shuttle run like it was nothing. Applejack and Apple Bloom came in at a close second, but that was to be expected. They did this sort of stuff every year.

I wish I could say we did nearly as good at the Loopty-Hoop Endurance competition. Something must have distracted Rainbow Dash, because she was got the hoop tangled up with her hooves. I was too busy giggling at how silly it was to pick up the slack for our team. Apple Bloom and Applejack took the blue ribbon in our place. Strangely enough, it was all Apple Bloom's doing. If I didn't know better, I would have guessed the filly nearly earned her cutie mark from the loopty hoop.

The rest of the events were a big, beautiful blur. I forgot half of the time that we were actually competing with other ponies. Through the piggyback race, the eating contest, the blind mare's bluff, and the big tug'o'war, I only knew one thing. I was getting to hang out with Rainbow Dash. We didn't need to practice to be as awesome as we were—it was all pure skill. Like we were both cut from the same cloth or something. We wiped the floor with the other pony pairs. And, if in fact we didn't, I barely noticed. Every other thing Rainbow Dash said threw me into stitches, so that I'm certain I blew a competition or two just from breaking out into laughter. Did we lose some of them? We had to have lost one or two—oh, the tug'o'war, most definitely. But that's okay. Applejack was on the other team. I faintly recall Rainbow Dash falling almost immediately into the ditch the moment Apple Bloom's sister tugged on the other end. At first, I didn't know what to think, but Rainbow Dash simply chuckled it off. I even heard Fluttershy giggling in the distance. It was all just so... purely spontaneous and fun. It's like the whole day lit up as soon as Rainbow dove in. And she didn't do it just to make a show. She didn't hang out with any of the other fillies exclusively. She was there because she was my partner. She was there just for me.

Even today, I believe this whole-heartedly. And I've tried my best to tell her on several occasions—though I'm sure she plays it off...

But something about that day... that week... that very month in my foalhood gave me so much courage and so much energy to take on the obstacles in my life that I don't think I ever fell below where I was ever again. Only recently have I discovered what brought Rainbow to that position... what it was that arranged her to be where she was, doing what she was, with me as her extra special wingpony.

I only hope that someday when my husband and I have kids, I'll be able to spread that love... that hope... that most awesome of feelings to the little ones who could also use the wind beneath their wings. Everypony in this life has what it takes to go far, and they have so much to give each other. It's absolutely incredible just how perfectly things can work out... especially when the least assuming contributor places her gifts onto the table.

Oh... jeez... I-I'm getting on a roll here. I promised that I wouldn't do this sort of thing until it was time for another story session. Ahem. Of course, the day had to end at some point. But not before one final event to mark off the end of the Sisterhooves Social.

I speak, of course, of the big race. Were Rainbow Dash and I ready to show our stuff?

Awwwww yeah...

The Uncouthers

“Come on, Rainbow Dash!” I exclaimed through a sunny-bright grin. My legs carried me—scampering—across the springy lawn and towards where a flimsy white line had been paintbrushed across the grass. “The race is about to start! We gotta get prep'd!”

“Not so fast, squirt!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. When I wasn't looking, she winced slightly, flexing her hooves as she nevertheless exhaled, “We gotta do this in style or there's no point in doing it at all!”

“Ohhhhh Rainbow Dash. Snkkkt—heeheehee!”

Rainbow smirked and trotted across the crowd of siblings frantically scrambling to get to their starting marks.

“Alright, Granny!” Applejack called out as she trotted down from a nearby wooden stage. “S'long as y'all got it covered! We'll try not to steal too much of the spotlight!”

“H-hey...” Rainbow turned to smirk at the freckled mare. “Just what makes you think you've got this in the bag?”

“Yes... well... erm...” Applejack fidgeted.

Out of nowhere, Apple Bloom leapt up and stood on her flank. “'Cuz we made a record comeback in the last three matches! We're gonna cinch that blue ribbon if it kills us!”

“Easy there, Apple Bloom...” Applejack reached up to pat the filly's mane. Nevertheless, she smirked wickedly out the side of her muzzle. “No reason for gettin' their hopes up...”

An evil glint flashed across Rainbow's eyes. “Oh yeah?!” She dragged her hoof across the grass and grinned wickedly. “I think it's high time Scoots and I kicked the 'ass' out of your 'sassafras!'”

“Is that a fact?”

Amidst all the festive chaos, a stallion touched down with a ruffle of feathers. Wiping his brow, the pegasus slapped down a wooden crate and smiled at the Social. “Whew! What a crowd! Who'd a thunk it?” Blinking, he glanced pleasantly across the farm. “Hi there! I'm Stu. Stu Leaves... from Ponyville Postal?” He pulled out a sheet of paper and squinted at it. “Uhhhhh... I'm k-kinda new here. Can somepony help me out here? I'm looking for the... Apple Family Residence—” Rainbow shoved him aside. “Whoah!”

“It's more than a fact!” Rainbow's voice cracked as she glared down Applejack. “It's tomorrow headlines!”

“Only article yer fetchin' for yerself is in the funny papers at this rate!” Applejack winked. “There ain't been a single Big Race in the last four years that me and Apple Bloom have lost! We're fixin' to make it five!”

“Heh! Good luck with that!” Rainbow chuckled raspily. “You've got nothing on the Dash and Scoots Connection!”

“Please, please, ladies. No need to be so barbaric!”

“Yeah!” Rainbow nodded. “Like Rarity said! No need to be—” Her eyes bulged, as did Applejack's. Both mares swiveled to gawk at the unicorn in question. “H-huh?!”

Rarity immediately sighed upon being stared at. She fidgeted at the starting line with drooping ears. “Please. Don't make a big show about it.”

“A big show about what?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Well... uhm... you see?” Rarity gulped and chuckled airily. “It unveiled itself like so—”

Sweetie Belle hopped out from behind her. “Big Sis and I are gonna be part of the big race!” she squeaked. “Heeeeeeee!”

“Whoah! For real?!” I trotted up from the sidelines, dumbfouned. “Wow, Sweetie Belle! That's so cool!”

“You are?!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed incredulously.

“Mmmmm...” Rarity bit her lip until it bled. She stared pensively out the side of her vision. “Yes...”

“But you haven't even done any of the other competitions!” Apple Bloom exclaimed. “There's no chance in Tarta—” She blanched, gave her older sister a guilty look, then leaned forward. “No chance in heck of winnin' any ribbons,” the farm filly whispered.

“Hmmph!” Rarity switched into “theatrical mode,” sticking her nose up to the sky. “As if some superficial platitude is the impetus I need for joining my beloved sister in such a felicitous occasion!”

“Then what did change your mind?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Erm...” Rarity's cheeks burned slightly. Her eyes were both amused and melancholic at the same time—a very strange shape. “Let us just say that there are some fates worse than sweat.”

“Come on, Rarity!” Sweetie Belle tugged and tugged on the older unicorn. Her voice cracked with each exultant vowell. “We gotta get some stretches done before the race or else we might pull a muscle! I remember Miss Cheerilee talking about it once!”

“Eeeeuuuuunnnghuuuuu...” Rarity blanched like a ghost in mid-drag. “Stretches?! You most certainly must be joking!”

“Good luck, gals!” Apple Bloom hollered after them. “We'll see y'all in the big race!” A beat. She turned and smirked at Applejack. “We're gonna cream 'em like corn.”

“Heheheheh...” I rubbed the back of my head and gazed curiously at the pair from afar. “Wow... I didn't think Sweetie's sister was ever going to change her mind.”

“That's because she doesn't, Scoots,” Rainbow said. A blink. She turned and squinted knowingly at Applejack. “AJ... what did you tell her?”

“Buh?”

“Did you threaten to pull her flower garden out by the roots and stuff them into her mailbox?”

“What?!” Applejack frowned. “Heck, no! I ain't into coercin' my gal pals! No way, no how!”

“So, what, you promised her a chance to make dresses for the next Apple Family Reunion or something?”

“For the last time—”

“Applejack didn't change Rarity's mind,” Fluttershy said, trotting up with a gentle smile. “I did.”

Both Applejack and Rainbow Dash twitched as one.

“You did?!” Applejack remarked.

“Mmmmhmmmm...” Fluttershy softly nodded.

“What in the heck did you do or say to get her to sweat in the sun and mud?” Rainbow inquired.

“Well... uhm...” Fluttershy hid her face slightly behind a lock of pink mane. “I told her that it was not very nice to come all the way here and refuse to have fun with her little sister. So... if she wasn't going to run the race with her sister...” Fluttershy took a deep, deep breath, then blurted: “I wasn't going to model for her for a whole year.” She winced, clenching her eyes shut. A few seconds later, she lifted one eyelid. “Do... d-do you think that was too cruel of me?”

“You sneaky Jezebuck...” Rainbow grinned.

“Heheheh... Ohhhhhh Fluttershy.” Applejack patted the pegasus' shoulder. “If y'all ask me...” She winked with a smile. “T'ain't cruel enough.”

“Applejack...”

“Eh... I'm only teasin'.”

“Wow, look at you, Fluttershy!” I hopped up and down, grinning. “You're right on the ball!”

“Yeah!” Apple Bloom nodded vehemently. “You just single-hoofedly made Sweetie's day! You're like... the Sister-Whisperer!”

“Hmmm...” Applejack tapped her chin and trotted towards the starting line. “I rather fancy that one...”

“Heeheehee—Whoops! AJ! Wait up!” Apple Bloom waddled off.

“Come on, Rainbow! We can't be late!” I galloped after her, waving at my “sister-for-a-day.” “I've got the perfect spot for us to start!”

“Awesome! I'll be right there!” Rainbow turned towards Fluttershy. She smiled. “There really is an awful lot of assertiveness going around today.”

“Mmmmm...” Fluttershy smiled bashfully, her hooves squirming beneath her. “I... uh... I-I've been getting some good inspiration.”

Rainbow craned her neck to look over Fluttershy's shoulder.

Big Macintosh was staring at the scene from afar. Once she saw that Rarity had joined the crowd, he smirked and leaned in to where Granny Smith was seated on her rocking chair.

“Ah. Right.” Rainbow Dash looked back at Fluttershy. “Apple slices all around.”

“Oh, I do hope Rarity isn't too mad at me.”

“You kidding? This is gonna do her pores some good. Besides...” Rainbow smirked as she briskly trotted off to join my side. “Any excuse you can use to escape a fashion show with the vampire is good enough in my book.”

“Rainbow Dash...”

“Now listen here, y'all!” Granny Smith's voice shouted above the heads of everypony in attendance. “Sisters! Mares! Hootaninnies and Shindiggers! And all them other fancy words that the young'n's are usin' these days—this is the moment y'all've been waitin' for! The Big Race! Cuz it certainly is Big! And Racey! And these bugs are buzzin' around my ears somethin' fierce! So let's get this mess over with, now, y'hear?!”

The Big Race

There were five pairs of siblings lining up at the starting position. Actually—six—seeing as Rarity and Sweetie Belle had just joined. They were extraneous competitors, and they hadn't any chance of winning a medal due to entering so late. Everypony prepared for the match by stretching and flexing their limbs.

I was jittery at the last second. With a nervous gulp, I glanced over at my sister-for-a-day. “Uhm, Rainbow Dash?”

“Yeah? What is it, kiddo?”

“I just wanna say that this has been the best day ever,” I managed to squeak with a nervous smile. “And no matter what happens, it was so very cool of you to show up like you did.”

Rainbow Dash squinted at me. “Why so glum, squirt?”

“I dunno. I just wanted to say that before it was too late...” I kicked lethargically at the ground. “In case I totally and utterly blow it up ahead...”

“Hey, nopony's gonna blow it, ya hear?!” Rainbow Dash frowned, then smirked. “We're going to rock everypony's horseshoes off! Just you wait and see!”

“Heh...” I smiled with fluttering feathertips. “Alright. Alright, s-sure...!”

Rainbow Dash nodded with a smirk. Then, out of nowhere, she winced. When I wasn't looking, she gripped one forelimb with another and stretched it in and out. She mumbled something to herself, staring out at the crowd in a pale sweat. She saw Fluttershy sitting among the wooden stands, smiling. Rainbow tried to smile back, but all that came out was a nervous flinch. Gulping, Rainbow cracked the remaining joints in her body and focused on the obstacle course ahead. She took several deep breaths, allowing the oxygen to fly through her.

“Honestly, do they have to start the race with mud?!” Rarity exclaimed.

“That's why we jump over it, sis!” Sweetie Belle chirped.

“Jump? As if... with our leg muscles?” Rarity shuddered. “Isn't there a part of this competition that involves stagecoach taking you to a jecuzzi?”

“Ohhhhhh Rarity...”

“Eunngh... I do hope they allow the use of magic in this...”

“Eenope!” Applejack called over from where she stood, stretching her legs. “This here's an earth pony race! Designed by earth ponies and for earth ponies! That means no use of magic...” She turned and winked at Rainbow Dash and myself. “...and no flyin'.”

“Well...” I smiled awkwardly. “Guess it's the p-perfect race for me!”

“Oh hush.” Rainbow turned to glare Applejack's way. “Somepony's just afraid of being reduced to dust.”

“Heh, as if.”

Rainbow smirked. At the sound of Granny Smith's voice, she gulped nervously and leaned forward.

“Alrighty, young'n's! The Big Race is about to begin!”

Applejack and Apple Bloom tightened their limbs. Rarity flinched while Sweetie Belle hopped in place. The rest of the ponies tensed, holding their breaths.

“May the best sisters win...”

“Pssst. Rainbow!” I hissed aside. “Uhm... h-how exactly should we do this?”

Rainbow smiled. “Awesomely.”

“On your mark. Get set. Go!”

With a virtual thunderclap, Rainbow Dash throttled forward. I gasped and scampered to keep up. The ground beneath us rumbled from all of the combined pony sisters galloping all at once. Before us, a pit of mud stretched wide. If I had my scooter, I knew I'd clear it. But on just my hooves—

“Httt!” Rainbow Dash skidded to a stop along the mud's edge, ahead of everypony else. She spun to look at me. “Keep running, squirt!” She stretched her right wing out like a ramp. “Don't stop for nothing!”

I ran and ran, glancing nervously at the bodies on either side of me. “But Rainbow Dash—”

“I said don't slow down!” Rainbow shouted through a smile, her lips curved. “And prepare to stretch your wings out!”

I gulped and obeyed, stretching my feathers to either side. Eventually, I ran up her right wing like it was an incline. Less than half a second later, she had flapped her wing up, launching me into the air. “Gaaaaaaah!” I panicked slightly, but somehow remembered Rainbow's words. My wings hung out to my side, catching air. I squinted, then found myself gliding neatly over the muddy pit. “Whoah...” I landed safely on the other side. A second later, Rainbow landed from her jump. We smiled at each other.

“Gaaaaaaiiie!” There was a horrible splashing sound from behind us. “Eeeeeuughhhh!”

“Rarityyy! You're supposed to jump over the mud! Not in it!”

“Ugh! Who can expect anypony to clear that mess!”

“Heeheehee! Oh Rarityyyyy... come on! We gotta start running again!”

Rainbow Dash tugged me forward, snapping me out of the moment. “Don't stop for nothing, kid!” Rainbow Dash shouted as she virtually flew into the baskets laid out ahead of us. “This race was built for us to crush it!”

I felt my heart beating like a furnace. With a devilish smile, I throttled forward, leaping from one basket to the other. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rainbow Dash slowing down—if only to throw flips, corkscrews, and awesome somersaults into her basket-hopping. Ponies in the stands clapped their hooves and cheered. I felt like laughing and yelling all at once.

Before I knew it, we had cleared the baskets. A stack of heavy wooden crates stood before us. Before I reached a single one, Rainbow Dash was leaping up to the very top. I nervously glanced behind us and gasped to see Applejack and Apple Bloom barely closing the distance.

“We're... we're in first r-right now?”

“Scoots!”

I looked up, then saw the end of a colorful tail thrusted into my face.

“Grab on!” Rainbow shouted from where she clung to the edge of the topmost crate.

“With wh-what?!”

“With anything!”

I gulped, leaned forward, and clamped my teeth over the tip of her tail-hairs. I had to stifle a frightful squeal as Rainbow Dash suddenly forward-flipped, launching me over her like a catapult. When I came down, I landed on her backside. Together, we cleared the crates, and she plopped me neatly down onto the grass on the other side.

In an instant, we were bolting forward. The thudding sounds of Applejack's and Apple Bloom's hooves urged us onward. We skidded to a stop beside a picnic table with two freshly baked apple pies. Rainbow Dash took a seat and liberally thrusted her face neck-deep into the mess. I sat down and began nibbling around the edges without thinking about it. In my peripheral vision, I saw Applejack and Apple Bloom sliding to a stop and devouring their pies. Another pair of ponies caught up and began digging in.

“Scootaloooooooo—”

I gulped and winced. “I-I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash!” I pointed at the barely eaten pie. “But my mom has always taught me not to pig out—”

“Here! I got ya!” Rainbow grabbed the pie pan and hoisted it up. “Tilt your neck back and prepare to open your muzzle!”

“Uhhhhh...”

“Upsy Daisy!” Rainbow threw the pie straight up.

I gasped as my eyes reflected its downward plunge.

Rainbow suddenly swiveled about and beat her wings in the air between me and the pie. With razor-blue slicing motions, she somehow spectacularly sliced the descending pie into tiny, bite-sized morsels.

Taking a deep breath, I eagerly gulped and chewed up every pie chunk. Before I knew it, every crumb was in my belly.

“Got it?! Good!” Rainbow pounced off the picnic table. “Let's bolt!”

I didn't even have time to register the sweet taste of the apple pie. I dashed right after her. While running, I realized that two pairs of ponies had ran ahead of us. “Oh jeez! Rainbow, I'm sorry—”

“No apologizing!” Rainbow grunted, slamming her shoulder into a bale of hay and shoving it towards a white line ahead. “Only awesoming!”

On her own, Rainbow barely moved the bale of hay half-a-foot. I found this somewhat surprising, but was too adrenalized to question it. I ran to her side and pressed my shoulder to the haystack as well. Together we grunted and struggled to shove the heavy thing.

“I... d-don't think it's budging, Rainbow!” I sputtered.

“We gotta work together, kid!” Rainbow murmured. “Look at my legs. Good. Now move yours at the same time!”

“Like th-this?”

“Yeah! You got this! We got this! Hnnnngh!”

With sudden swiftness, we shoved the bale of hay all the way right as a third pair of ponies did. As soon as we were in the clear, we soared ahead, easily passing the next pair until we trailed right behind Applejack and Apple Bloom. I could see AJ tossing her sister into a large vat.

“Uhhhh—”

“You want my advice?” Rainbow said with a sweaty smirk. “Go in a circle. Pretend you're running laps!”

“In a circle?—Whoah!” I flailed in the air after Rainbow tossed me. Using my wings to glide evenly, I landed in the middle of the grape-filled vat. Wincing, I glanced to the next container. Apple Bloom was already halfway through her grape pressing. Taking a deep breath, I bent my legs at the knees and beat my wings. I spun in a circle, smashing my way through the grapes like a living blender. As my wings buzzed and more and more grape juice spilled everywhere, I could hear Rainbow Dash cheering from below:

“You're doing great! The bottle's halfway filled!”

I sensed Apple Bloom hopping out of the vat next to us. “But Rainbow Dash—”

“Just keep going! You got this!”

I took deep breaths, spinning and spinning until I was nearly neck-deep in the grape muck.

“Aaaaaaaand—Got it!” Rainbow's face appeared briefly as she hopped alongside the vat. “Jump out! I'll catch ya!”

I did as she said. I landed in her hooves, a giggling, grape-stained mess. Half a second later, we were both galloping after Applejack and Apple Bloom. The apple-tossing part was next.

“What do I do?!” I stammered.

“Grab the basket!” Rainbow tossed the thing my way. I easily caught it and ran ahead while she grasped as many apples as she could. “Now do that Scootaloo voodoo that you do!”

“H-huh?!”

“Be friggin' nimble, half-pint!” Rainbow held her breath, fell on her back, and flapped her wings. The apples levitated above her, and she proceeded to kick several out of the cloud one-at-a-time like fruity missiles.

“Whoah!” I gasped. Planting the basket on my head, I veered left and right so that I'd be underneath the falling apples. To my surprise, I caught every single one of them effortlessly. It was pretty much the opposite of dodging boulders and fenceposts while on my scooter. I didn't realize something lke this would come so naturally to me... but somehow Rainbow did. Something fluttered deep inside and I was a smiling mess.

“Alright! We're good!”

I didn't even realize that all of the apples had been tossed. “Okay!” I slapped the basket down and ran forward. “We gotta catch up with—” Just as I said that, I became aware of us passing an orange and a yellow shape. “No way...”

“Chicken time!” Rainbow Dash hollered.

I felt a blood bursting in my temple. “Excuse me?!” Rainbow pointed ahead in mid-sprint. I looked at the chicken coop ahead of us and my ears folded. “Oh.”

“I got an idea!” Rainbow said as the two of us slithered our way inside the cramped, smelly compartment. “I did this at the Iron Pony Competition and it trolled Applejack like a motherbucker.”

“You did what?”

“Watch and learn.” With a sly grin, Rainbow Dash spread her wings wide and used them to scoop up the eggs. “Ha! See?!”

“Uhhhhh...” I blinked. “Are we really allowed to do that?”

“We're not flying or cloud kicking...” Rainbow winked aside. “Now are we?”

I could only answer with a giggle.

“Heheheh—Now you, kiddo.” Rainbow's voice echoed against the walls of the coop as she helped scooped a bunch of eggs into the curves of my outstretched wings. “Right! Just like you're stealing raddishes out of Cheerilee's garden!”

“But I never steal raddishes out of Cheerilee's garden! I didn't even know she had a garden!”

“Shhhh! Don't ruin the metaphor!” Rainbow Dash walked backwards out of the coop so that she could constantly face me. “See? It's not hard! Just trot steadily, kid.”

“I-I'm afraid I'll drop the eggs!”

“No you won't! Concentrate! Watch me!” She smirked. “See how easily I'm doing it? So can you!”

I bit my lip, trotting after her. I teetered left and right at one moment, feeling the eggs wobbling along the edges of my feathertips. We emerged from the coop—one after another. A blissfully cool burst of air greeted us, followed by the loud cheers of ponies all across the stands. I couldn't see Apple Bloom or Applejack anywhere.

“Rainbow Dash! I think... I-I think we're—”

“Eggs first, Scoots!” she exclaimed, rolling the whole shells safely into a waiting basket. “Excellence second! Right here!”

I leaned in and rolled the eggs off one wing, then off the other. Once we were both empty-hoof'd, it was time for the hurdles. We bolted towards them like living lightning.

“Omigosh omigosh omigosh!” I exclaimed, cheeks on fire. “It's open grass for days!”

“Hold your breath! We're not done yet!” Rainbow Dash panted as she said this. “Aaaaaand—Alley Ooop!” She and I jumped over the first hurdle. “Almost... got it...” She wheezed and jumped again. “Hnnngh!”

I jumped with her. One last hurdle lay before our path, and then the final stretch before the finish line. Ponies cheered loudly all around. Everything was noise and sunlight.

“Okay... okay...” Rainbow Dash took a deep breath and leapt. Her body only went up part of the way this time. Her eyes darted down towards her limp legs. “What—” Thump! Her chest slammed into the wooden hurdle. Her body toppled over the thing, then somersaulted into a meaty heap. “Oooomf!”

The pegasus winced all over. As her blood reached her head, all she felt was a tingling in her lower legs—spreading slowly... agonizingly slowly. Her head swam, and each time she tried to push herself up, her legs failed.

“Nnnnngh... come on... come on!” Rainbow started hyperventilating. Her eyes darted around beneath a cold curtain of sweat. Through her lopsided vision, she saw pony hooves thundering past her, kicking up grass and dirt. “No... no, please. Not now...” She whimpered quietly to herself as she shoved and shoved at the earth. “Not right n-now! Darn it!” In her twitching vision, she spotted a yellow figure standing up worriedly amidst the crowd. Her nostrils flared and she tried pressing against the ground with her wing-tips.

That's when she found herself inching ahead.

“H-huh?” Rainbow looked forward.

I was tugging on the mare's head and mane.

“Rainbow! G-get up! Applejack and Apple Bloom have passed us!” As I said this, more bodies surged by. Followed by another pair. “We gotta move!”

“I... I...”

“Rainbow, what's wrong—?”

A lightbulb went on in Rainbow's head. “Scoots! Get on my back!”

“Huh?!”

“For realsies! Do it!”

I hopped onto the middle of Rainbow's flank. “Okay okay. What now—?!”

“Now beat your wings!”

I did just that. Rainbow felt a cushion of air behind them from my feathers.

“Gnnnngh...” Rainbow dug her wing-tips into the earth. “Now hold on... and k-keep flapping!”

“But Rainbow—”

With a growl, Rainbow thrusted her wings, launching the two of us forward. I bit onto her mane, remaining atop the mare while continuously flapping my feathers. Somehow, my tiny blurring wings were enough to give Rainbow's leap an added second and a half of airtime. This allowed Rainbow Dash to meet the ground with four locked legs. Despite the numbness in her limbs, Rainbow relied on timing and weight to spring herself forward... again and again. All the while, I flapped my wings, giving Rainbow a tiny smidgeon of lift as she proceeded to propel the two of us forward in a springy fashion.

By the time we reached the finishing line, we had already passed two pairs of competitors who had overrun us. We skidded to a stop beside where Applejack and Apple Bloom were collapsed—panting.

Sweet Apple Acres erupted in applause and cheer.

Rainbow Dash looked around in a cold sweat, wide-eyed and panting. The applause thundered in her ears, matching the dull roar of her heart beat. She felt her legs starting to buckle again, and a sore lump formed in her throat.

“Weeeeeeeeeeee!” I hugged her neck and nuzzled her from behind. “That... was so... awesome!”

Rainbow blinked. She gulped and squinted at the filly behind her. “It was?”

“I had no idea my wings could do that!” I stammered. “We really did it! We finished the race together!”

“Yeah...” Rainbow nodded and wheezed. “In second.”

“Pffft! Applejack and Apple Bloom win every year!” I stared daggers across the finishing line. “The same ponies who built that last hurdle a bit too high!”

“Uhhhhh...” Rainbow Dash smiled nervously.

“I haven't a clue what yer talkin' about,” Applejack said between panting breaths. She limped over and raised a hoof towards mine. “But that was some fancy teamwork y'all pulled through in the end. Way to go, girls.”

“Heehee...” I slapped Applejack's hoof and beamed. “Best day everrrrr!”

Rainbow glanced back at me with a stupefied smile. She suddenly squeaked, her eyes bulging as Applejack's forelimb wrapped softly around her.

“That was a darn fine race, sugarcube.” Applejack leaned back, smiling softly through her sweat and freckles. “I gotsta admit, y'all had me a might bit frightened at the end.” She raised an eyebrow. “Ya sure you didn't hurt yerself or nothin'?”

“Uhhhh...” Rainbow gulped, and her voice cracked an octave higher than usual. “Oh, you kn-know me! I bounce b-back and keep right on ticking!” She exhaled through a flighty giggle. “Hehehehehehehe!”

“Rainbow Dash, the race is over!” I said. “You can fold your wings now.”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...” Rainbow blushed furiously.

At that moment, we heard thundering hoofsteps behind us.

“Hey!” Apple Bloom crawled over, smiling breathlessly. “Looks like the last four competitors are crossing the finishing line!”

“Who's in fifth place?” I asked.

“It's... it's...” Apple Bloom blinked crookedly. “Sweetie Belle and Rarity...?”

The two unicorns in question skidded to a stop. Sweetie Belle collapsed with an exhausted smile. Rarity, on the other hand, stood on four locked legs, panting and seething. She was covered from head to fetlock in crusty mud, dollops of grape juice, clumps of egg yolk, and crumbs of apple pie.

“Uhhhh... Rarity?” Applejack nervously gulped. “Congrats on... n-not bein' last place!” She squinted. “Are ya feelin' alright?”

Rarity's nostrils flared and she snarled through clenched teeth: “I. Am. Alive!” Her pulsating eyes dashed left and right. “Rnnngh! What's next?! What do we do now?! Hoof wrestle?! Dodgeball?! Mud snorkeling?!”

“Heehee!” Sweetie Belle stood up, nuzzling her sister's dirtied leg. “It's over, sis! That was the last competition!”

“Oh...” Rarity blinked. “Surely, you jest.”

“Nope!” Applejack smirked. “But you did mighty fine for havin' never practiced the obstacle course or anythang!”

“Hmmmf...” Rarity looked disdainfully at herself, nevertheless standing up straight with an air of sophistication. “Well, I suppose a tiny bit of physical exertion is good for the soul as well as the body. I sure hope you are pleased, Sweetie Belle. Even if this is something I shudder to indulge in.” As she said this, two breathless siblings crawled over the finishing line, coming in last. The pristine unicorn spun towards them, then suddenly snarled: “OHHHHHH YES! IN YOUR FILTHY MUZZLES, PEASANTS!” She cleared her throat and trotted daintily past the dazed pair. “Now, if somepony would kindly direct me to the nearest spa...”

“Heeheehee!” Sweetie Belle bounced in muddy little circles. “This was so great great great great great!” her little voice cracked.

“Yeah! Totally!” I said, still hugging Rainbow Dash's neck from behind.

“Oh... you bet...” Rainbow Dash nodded. She gazed towards the crowd. Fluttershy's distant face smiled back. With a warm breath, Rainbow raised a numb hoof and patted one of mine. “You bet your life...”

Sloppy Seconds, Thick Thirds

“If you ask me, Rainbow, darling...” Rarity walked up from a trough, wiping her face clean with a wet towel. “...green is rather striking on you.” She smiled in the warm glow of the country sunset. “Normally, I don't care much for the color, but it brings out one of your mane's best highlights.”

Listening to Rarity's words, Rainbow glanced down at the green ribbon hanging from her shoulder. “Ehhh... yeah. Sure thing, Rarity.” Rainbow glanced aside, sighing out her nostrils. “But no matter which way you shake it, there's really no way to make 'Third Place' feel any snazzier.”

“Awwww, cheer up, sugarcube!” Applejack said, leaning against a fencepost on the edge of the farm. In the distance, dozens of ponies wandered lazily towards downtown Ponyville. Fillies bounced happily beside their older siblings while the citizens chatted festively in the remaining glow of the afternoon. “You did mighty fine, if I do say so myself! Especially for hoppin' into the competitions so late as ya did!”

“Indeed!” Rarity nodded. “At least you got a ribbon!” She folded the towel with her telekinesis. “All I earned for myself was a thick coat of mud.” She shuddered from head to tail.

“Look, this isn't exactly the first time I've won a mere consolation prize,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “That isn't the half of it. I just...” She grumbled indecipherably, kicking at a swath of grass below her hooves. “I just wish I had pulled through better. Y'know...” She grunted out the side of her muzzle. “For Scootaloo.”

“Are ya kiddin' me?” Applejack tilted her hat forward. “You have any idea just how plum happy you've made that filly?”

Rainbow squinted at the other mares. “Is it... really that obvious to everypony?”

“Mmmmm...” Rarity smirked. “I can't speak for Applejack here. But Sweetie Belle is quite the chatterbox, especially when she arrives at the Carousel Boutique from school.” She trotted closer to Rainbow Dash, leaning in. “Her spry friend absolutely worships you, and she won't stop boasting of your feats whenever she's around Sweetie and Apple Bloom.”

“Heheh... Yeah, well...” Rainbow Dash ran a hoof through her mane. “I guess I don't make it easy for her to hate me.” She winked awkwardly.

“Don't be too worried,” Rarity said, waving her hoof. “It's most certainly a phase. She'll grow out of it eventually.”

Rainbow Dash blinked. “Oh?” Her ears folded. “Oh.”

“Idol worship is not uncommon for foals her age, especially if their daily life is somewhat... er... 'lacking' in certain areas...”

“Hmmmm...” Rainbow sat back on her haunches, sighing out her nostrils.

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Somethin' wrong, sugarcube?”

“Oh dear...” Rarity brought a hoof to her muzzle. “I-I most certainly didn't mean to sour your spirits—”

“Nothing sour. Believe me. It's just...” Rainbow winced slightly. “Today, I suddenly became so friggin' concerned about her feelings. I even totally blew it like a lame-o out there in the field, and she totally saw past it—the little squirt was so excited. And, you know what? You're right. She's a kid. She'll outgrow whatever this thing is and it'll be all for the better. That said... eh...” Her wings drooped.

“Yes, darling?”

“It's strange, really, and kind of frightening.” Rainbow gulped. “For once... for one single-moment in my life, I knew that... that...” She fidgeted, turning her head slightly away from Applejack. “...th-that one pony in this world absolutely and unconditionally lo—”

“Applejack! Rainbow! Rarity!” Fluttershy dashed up, breathless. She was followed swiftly by a big red mountain of muscle with hooves. “Big Macintosh and I have something that we have to show you!”

“Hmmm?” Rarity glanced over.

“What is it, sugarcube?”

Rainbow gulped, her pupils shrinking to pinpricks. “Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh—”

Fluttershy looked at Big Macintosh. She smiled. He smiled. They both turned towards the others.

“Fl-Fluttershy...?” Rainbow flinched.

“Look!” Fluttershy pivoted sideways, brandishing her mane. Tiny silver things were crawling up and down her long pink locks. “Pill bugs! Can you believe it?!” She squealed inwardly. “Big Mac and I found them beneath the stands! They must have been frightened out of hiding when the ponies setting up the Social dug into the earth!”

“Eeeeyup!”

Rainbow leaned back, exhaling wildly.

“Look at them! Awwwwwww!” Fluttershy's cheeks reddened. “They're sooooo cute! And so rare these days, too!”

“Ennngh...” Rarity leaned back, flinching. “That's... th-that's quite nice, dear.” She gulped. “Do keep them at a distance, though...”

“Oooh! I wonder if they'll lay eggs in my mane!”

“Grhbllghh!” Green-faced, Rarity slapped a hoof over her bulging cheeks and fled back towards the trough.

“Huh?” Fluttershy glanced up, blinking in concern. “Anypony know what's wrong with Rarity?”

“Eeenope.”

“Heheheh...” Applejack smiled. “So glad you could hang around all day, Fluttershy. Yer like a lil' sister to all of us in spirit.” She turned back towards Rainbow Dash. “Ahem. Rainbow?”

“Uhhhh...” Rainbow jerked towards her. “...huh?”

“You were sayin' something?” Applejack gazed curiously. “Just a moment ago?”

“Uhhhhhhhhhh...” Rainbow gulped. “I was... j-just saying... that... that...”

“Rainbow! There you are!” I scampered over with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle not far behind. “Look at my ribbon!” I brandished the green thing. “Doesn't it look shinier than Apple Bloom's?!”

“Ain't no difference!” Apple Bloom pouted. “My ribbon's blue! Blue for first place!”

“Yeah, but ours are shinier!” I stuck my tongue out. “Besides, we earned them!”

“What?! Half of that goes to me, ya fuzzy headed pheasant!”

“Oh puh-leease! Pfft! You weren't even trying until Applejack became your sister again!”

“Was too!”

“Was not!”

“Was too!”

“Apple Bloom!” Applejack frowned. “Where're yer manners?” She leaned in and harshly whispered. “We never call other ponies 'fuzzy-headed!' Ya hear?!”

“But she started it!”

“And... uh... I-I know how to end it!” Rainbow Dash slid over and swept me towards her with strong wing-feathers. “I'm going to... uh... fly this delinquet home!” She turned towards me with a faux scowl. “What have I told you about boasting, 'little sister?'”

“Uhm...” I blinked crookedly. “Nothing?”

“Right! So, let's fly!” She tossed me onto her back and spread her wings. “And hold your ribbon up high!” She smirked. “We'll use it as a beacon to reflect the moonlight... 'cuz of how friggin' shiny it is.”

“Hah! You bet, Rainbow Dash!” I cheered.

“Hey!” Apple Bloom barked, but it was too late. We were soaring off into the crimson sky. “Darn it! T'ain't fair!” She turned towards Applejack, growling. “Are ya just gonna let 'em get away with that, AJ?”

“Hate to break it to ya, AB, but they done flown the coop!” Applejack said, trying in vain to stifle a guffaw.

“Heeheehee!” Sweetie Belle giggled. She turned and smiled at Rarity. “Hey there, sis!” She squinted. “Why's the horse trough green?”

“Rrrrrgh!” Apple Bloom angrily stomped away while Big Macintosh and Fluttershy chuckled.

B.S.B.F.F.

“Unnnnngh...” I groaned to myself, writhing slightly.

Rainbow Dash looked over her shoulder. “You okay there, squirt?”

I nodded, gripping tighter to Rainbow's backside as the two of us flew against the cool evening breeze. “I think that pie from the racing competition is coming back to haunt me.”

“Heh... I did sort of shove that crap down your throat, didn't I?”

“No. No, it's okay!” I smiled nervously. “I knew that it was part of the competition. It's just that... mmmnngh...” I rubbed my belly with one free hoof. “I didn't think it was possible to have too much apple pie.”

“Heh... You kidding?” Rainbow smirked as she flew over rooftops along the northwest edge of Ponyville. She circled around, coming down low towards a row of two-story apartments. “Part of being awesome is knowing your limits, kid.”

“But Rainbow Dash!” I gawked at her. “You don't have any limits!”

“Hoooooooooooo boy.” Rainbow rolled her eyes.

I made a confused, squeaking sound.

“Hate to break it to ya, Scoots, but I can't exactly do everything.”

“Why not?” I stammered. “You're Rainbow Dash! You're the very definition of awesome!”

“You wanna know what 'being awesome' is all about?” Rainbow touched down on the grassy lawn and folded her wings. “It means knowing what your limits are, and yet trying to do everything anyway.”

“Even if everying is impossible?”

“Especially if it's impossible.” Rainbow placed me down and ruffled my mane. “Only, being awesome involves doing something else: you gotta make it look to everypony alive as though you have no limits.” Rainbow winked. “It's all in the style.”

“Then... then...” I fidgeted. “If that's true, then why are you telling me?”

“Because you're something special, kid,” Rainbow Dash said. “And if you wanna go places and be awesome, then you gotta know all the ins and outs.”

“You... you really think I can be like you someday?”

“Try really hard, and you can be better.”

I gasped as if I was exploding. “B-better than you?”

“You think I got to where I am by trying to be simply as good as the older ponies who used to fly laps around me as a kid?” Rainbow smirked devilishly. “I'm tellin' ya, Scoots, it takes guts, daring, and a little bit of craziness. And I can tell that you've got all three. So what's stopping you?”

My wingtips fluttered as I bit my lip.

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. With a proud smile, she wrapped a wing around the my shoulder. “Today was pretty boss, Scootaloo. I enjoyed wiping the orchards of Sweet Apple Acres with everypony else's hides. You and me? We make a great team. We oughta hang out and kick flank more often.”

“F-for real?”

“How many times a year does the Sistershooves Social happen?”

“Er... once.”

“Oh.” Rainbow chewed on her lip. “Guess I shoulda known that one. Uhm... Oh!” She smirked. “Doesn't the school have some athletic tournament thingy? The 'Running of the Foals' or some crap?”

“Every two months, Ms. Cheerilee sets up a 'Field Day' for all of the schoolchildren to compete in races and games.”

“Awesome sauce!” Rainbow grinned. “How 'bout I swing by and teach you the tools and tricks to smoke the other participants?”

“Heeheehee... you bet!” I said with a little hop.

“Done deal, then!” Rainbow drew me into a surprisingly sincere hug. “Just hang in there, champ.” Rainbow patted my back. “You'll be running this place once you're my age.”

I said nothing. I hung there in Rainbow's embrace, my face hidden in the mare's chest.

“Scoots?” Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “You still inside that feisty orange shell or what?”

My tiny figure quivered slightly.

“Scootaloo?” Rainbow gulped. “Come on, kid. Out with it. What's up?”

“Nothing...” A voice sniffled. My head slowly shook against Rainbow's coat. “It's stupid. It's lame. I'm just fine, Rainbow Dash...”

“Kid...” Rainbow spoke in a quiet voice, patting my back again. “If you were normally this touchy-feely, you woulda teamed up with Rarity instead of me. Now what's going on? Talk to me.”

“I...” A tear or two came into contact with Rainbow's coat. “I j-just wish you could be my big sister every d-day...”

Rainbow's ears folded as she exhaled.

“I'm s-sorry...” I whimpered, curling my forelegs to my face as I shuddered. “Today was so fun... so sp-spectacular... and I'm being the absolute lamest. I'm sorry... I-I'm so sorry, Rainbow Dash...”

“Shhhhh. Hey hey hey...” Rainbow Dash knelt down and grasped my shoulders. “Hey. Look at me.”

I reluctantly did so, my eyes wet and puffy.

Rainbow held a neutral expression as she locked eyes with mine. “I can't be your sister, Scootaloo.”

I instantly winced. I turned my head to look away—

“Hey.” Rainbow gave my shoulders the tiniest of shakes. We made eye contact again. “But I can hang out with you. I can show you all my moves. I can even show you how to do the Sonic Rainboom if you're feeling lucky enough.” She smiled softly, then said, “But there's no sense in pretending to be something which neither of us really are. After all, I wanna see you become awesome. You don't get there the fake, made-up way.”

“So...” I sniffled. “You're saying th-that we'll never be sisters again?”

Rainbow smiled. “We can be friends, Scootaloo.” She brushed the my tiny chin. “The most awesome and butt-kickingest friends there could ever be! That is something we have the power to be... that we can choose to be.”

“B-best... friends...?” My eyes sparkled.

Rainbow shook her head. “I'm afraid there's somepony who already has that spot taken.”

“Who?” I sniffled and squinted. “Apple Bloom? Sweetie Belle?”

Rainbow placed her hoof on my chest. “You, kiddo. Above all else, you have to be your own best friend. Because no matter how many ponies promise this one thing or the other, there'll come a time when all you've got to depend on is you. Maybe nopony's ever told you that before, but I'm telling you now. Because I want the best for you. And even if I spent every waking hour of each day with you under my wing, I can't stop life from being crazy or unpredictable. In the end, being awesome depends on you. It may sound scary, but don't worry. You've got what it takes.” She smiled. “I know that for a fact.”

“All... all I've ever wanted is to be cool,” I stammered. “Like you, Rainbow. Having everything t-together. Being able to wow the crowd at the drop of a hat. Maybe... m-maybe then...” I clenched my teeth as another set of tears squeezed out. “Maybe then I wouldn't feel so weak...”

“But you are strong, Scootaloo,” she said, squeezing my shoulders. “You're one of the strongest ponies I know. But you can be even stronger.”

I gulped a lump down my throat and looked at her. “How?”

“You really wanna know?”

I nodded and nodded.

She was almost frowning, her eyes were so strong. “Surround yourself with ponies you care about. Don't ever settle for being alone, y'hear me?” She shuddered slightly as she said these words. “Going the way of a lone wolf may look awesome on the outside, but someday you might realize that a spotlight isn't worth manure when there's nopony around to applaud for you.” She cleared her throat and struggled to look straight into my eyes. “So, don't grow distant, y'hear?. Don't become an island. It might seem like the easy way at first... it might even make yourself feel stronger than the rest. But all you'd ever do is become hard on the outside and all mush on the inside. Like a bad egg. You don't wanna be a bad egg, do you?”

“Hmmmm-hee-hee-hee...” I chuckled breathily, wiping my face dry. “No way.”

“Does any of this make a lick of sense to you, Scoots?” Rainbow asked. “Last time I tried teaching anything, the library walls got covered in spitwads.”

“Surround myself with friends,” I said. “But look after myself.”

“There ya go.” Rainbow smiled. “And you can bet your crazy-ass scooter I'll be round to make sure you're sticking to it!”

“Heehee... you don't have to check up on me. I read you loud and clear, Rainbow Dash.”

She slowly, slowly nodded. “Yeah, well...” She sighed through a calm smile. “Something tells me you'll be seeing more of me from now on, regardless.”

“You mean it?”

“Yeah...” Rainbow breathed. “I guess so.”

I had run out of words, at least for that breath. Upon the next inhale, I lept forward and hugged her as hard as I could. “Thank you, Rainbow Dash. You're the best.”

“Hmmf... well...” She ruffled my mane. Her voice sounded strangely frail, but her lungs resonated confidently. “It takes one to know one, squirt.”

Home and Fuzzy

The door to Rainbow's floating home opened with a quiet creak. The pegasus shuffled in, the weight and dried sweat of the day clinging to her every feather. Once she had closed the door behind her, she leaned back until her shoulders struck the frame. She slid down to her haunches, gazing dully into the empty spaces of her foyer.

A heavy sigh escaped her nostrils. She brushed her forelimbs together. For the time being, the numbness had subsided. She almost wished it hadn't, for she still sensed the ticklish sensation of a little foal's spiked mane. Laughter and sobs still lingered in her ears, both belonging to the same voice.

Rainbow shuddered, for she almost felt as small as everypony said she was.

“Well, well, well, what sparks around come around,” cackled a voice from around the corner. On tiny stone feet, Lance shuffled into the room, using a random fork to pick at his fang. “About time you flew back, Miss Flapsalot. I hope you don't mind; I raided your fridge. I was about halfway through a bag of the most exquisitely sour grapes before I realized that this stone body of mine doesn't currently have a digestive tract.”

Rainbow Dash stared at her forelimbs. She titled her head up and looked at him.

“You know, it needs to be said. Your kitchen could really use a garbage disposal. And a toilet.” The statue tossed the fork across the room. After it embedded into the wall, he turned and smirked at her. “I hope you don't mind that I used the waistbasket for both.”

Rainbow Dash stood up and shuffled towards him.

“Ah, yes. Here it comes.” He cleared his throat, cracked his joints, and spun around to offer his rear-end. “I do suppose this morning's stunt calls for a real game winner. Aim for the bleachers, champ! This one's from downtown—”

Rainbow Dash reached Lancie, and when she did, she threw two forelimbs around his serpentine body and hugged him to her chest.

Lancie's stone eyes bulged. “Uhhhhh...”

“Just sh-shut up for once, will ya?” she muttered, staring into the shadows.

“Uh huh...” Lancie gulped, then tilted his head up to squint at her. “Sparky? I'm afraid I have a confession to make. I don't get you.”

She sighed heavily and leaned her chin against his antlers. “I don't get me either.”

Appledashery

It was never that Rainbow was small, but rather she was always growing. No less could have been expected from a pegasus who strove to push herself beyond her limits in everything she did and felt.

However, it goes without saying that most of the things Rainbow Dash tackled, she did so with... well... somewhat predictable formulae. I suppose she couldn't be blamed for it, really. The mare knew precisely where she excelled, and she utilized those gifts to the best of her ability.

Only time would show Rainbow that—in order to truly progress in life and acquire even a fraction of the things that she desired so deeply—she would have to not only do things harder and faster, but she had to fundamentally change. She had to dare to do things differently... even if it was absurdly.

But before she could reap the benefits of such effort, there would inevitably be some awkward bumps along the way. Some hilarious ones, even.

Though, she was hardly laughing at the time...

==Part Ten: Manehattan Masquerade==

==Part Ten: Manehattan Masquerade==

“Mrrrmmmf...”

Lancie glanced over from the bedside table. “'Mrrrmmmf' what?”

“So...” Rainbow Dash muttered, lying across her back on the edge of her bed. Her legs stuck up, curled over her chest as she stared upside-down past the blanket folds and at the starry night hanging outside the bedroom window. “Manehattan, huh?”

“What about the place? I hear the garbage is especially crispy this time of year.”

“I'm talkin' about the friggin' chaos shard. Why else do you think I bought it up?”

“Ohhhhhhh...” He dangled his lower legs over the edge of the table and bore a stone smile. “So you do remember the important little tidbits I have to lend you.”

“I wouldn't call them important, but I remember it nonetheless.”

“I haven't been to Manehattan in... oh... a few thousand years.” Lancie tapped the tip of his fang in thought. “That was, y'know, back when the island was a sylvan glen full of faeries, eidolons, and singing dragons.”

Rainbow Dash's face scrunched up. “Whoah, really?”

“Pfftt—HAH!” Lancie barked. “I'm joking, of course.” He smiled. “Dragons didn't sing...”

“Nnnngh...”

“Truth is, I wouldn't very well know what is up or down in that place today,” Lancie said, pretending to examine his talon. “You ponies and your rampant industry and fetish for high places...”

“It's not exactly a huge island,” Rainbow muttered. “Ponies couldn't build everything underground.”

“Why not? Seems secure and economic too me.”

“But it wouldn't be practical.”

“Oh, and creating huge phallic towers that scrape the tonsils of the sky is somehow more sensible?”

“Look, is the next nearest shard in Manehattan or not?”

“It is. But finding it is gonna have to be a team effort,” Lancie said. “With your feathers and my homing ability, I'm certain we can find the building that's housing the part of me in a snap.”

“Great.” Rainbow rolled her ruby eyes. “Operation Dual Pigeons.”

“Now that's more like it!”

“Just who in the hay would be keeping the chaos shard in Manehattan?” Rainbow asked.

“Beats me, Sparky. I think ponies are nuts enough as it is to just live there.”

“I mean, Top Dog was a power-hungry freak using it to power up a friggin' death machine. And Aatxe probably wants it to build rep with his dragon brood. But some tenant in Manehattan?”

“Maybe Whinny Allen is wanting to top off his career.”

“Or...” Rainbow winced. “...some pony or some thing wants to wipe Manehattan off the map.”

“Seems like a squeaky clean idea to me.”

“Lancie...”

“What?” He smirked. “Have you smelled their cab pullers?”

Rainbow squinted at him. “I thought you've never been to modern day Manehattan Island.”

He fidgeted. “I read...”

“Eunngh...” Rainbow hung her head back and grumbled. “Guess there's no putting it off.”

“If you're doing being fuzzy, we can go right this second!”

“Hold your horses, Lancie.”

“Et tu, Dashe?”

“You know what I mean,” she mumbled. “First thing's first, I gotta get a fix on my legs, and that means a job or two to rake in the bits.”

“Okaaaaaaaaay...” He leaned forward. “And then...?”

“We'll fly there and scout out it. Once we figure out where the shard's at...”

“...yes?”

Rainbow shrugged. “I dunno.”

“You know, you're not exactly charming when you hit a brick wall.”

“Look, I... I wanna feel this one out, okay?”

“In what way?”

“Someone or something got that piece of you through the illegal black market. That makes me think that some bits were slid under the table. And if it's in Manehattan... well...”

“Well what?”

Rainbow sighed. “Something tells me that I can't just fly into a hole, beat up a bunch of diamond dogs, and then fly back out.” She clenched her eyes shut and fought the urge to groan. “If somepony possesses this, it's gonna look really ugly from the outside if I just smash my way into whoever's place and grab this thing. I gotta be...”

“Unpredictable? Sassy? Kaizo?”

She grumbled. “Stealthy.”

“Hooo...” Lancie shuddered all over, covering his stone muzzle. “Urp. I think a little bit of my breakfast came into my mouth... and the last time I had eggs and bacon was four millennia ago.”

“Tough cookies,” Rainbow muttered. “We're either doing this my way, or we're not doing it at all.”

“But is there any way in this picture for you to do it your way?” He cocked his head aside. “Hmmmm?”

“I... I've no friggin' clue,” Rainbow Dash sighed, then closed her eyes. “What I wouldn't give for the shard to be located at the bottom of some lifeless crater instead.”

“Who says that can't be arranged—?” A pillow flew hard into the statue. “Ackalanche!”

“Down, Lancie...”

Part Ten: Manehattan Masquerade
(Where Rainbow Has To Learn a Few New Tricks)

Luck be a Salt-Licker, Tonight

“You're a real life saver, y'know that?” A pony with ravishing blonde locks said, grinning from ear to ear in the desert sun. “Appleloosa would be in the pits if it weren't for such speedy-quick deliveries!”

“Yes, well...” Rainbow Dash finished unpacking the last crate of salt-licks from her chariot and handed the earth pony the clipboard. “Service with a smile goes the long mile with Banner Company.”

“Wowsers!” The pony glanced up in mid-signature. “Is that yer jingle?”

Rainbow blinked, then forced a cheesy smile as she took the clipboard back. “It is now.”

“Shazaam... Well, if you dun gimme hope for the cityfolk back east!” A charming laugh. “Y'all should stay and rest up at the salt bar! Celestia knows it's an awful long flight home!”

“Sorry, but I don't salt-lick while on the job.” Rainbow tucked the clipboard away in her yellow apron. “Anywho. Gotta jet. It's been a real pleasure, ma'am.”

“Sir.”

Rainbow blinked. “Huh?”

The pony chuckled and smiled bashfully. “The name's 'Braeburn,' and don't y'all fret none, it happens a lot.” Eyelashes fluttered.

Rainbow squinted and squinted some more. “...Yeahhhhhh...” Seconds dripped by. Clearing her throat, she turned around. “Time to go. Enjoy your salt licks.”

“Y'all come back now!”

“Thank you.” Rainbow trotted up to her chariot, muttering out the side of her muzzle. “I won't.”

She hitched herself to the wagon, flapped her wings, and took off from the arid landscape.

“Let's see...” She glanced over her shoulder. “Hrmmff... one package left. It's a small one. Where the heck am I supposed to take this thing?” In mid-flight, she reached into an apron pocket and pulled out a list. “Hrmmmmmm...” Her ruby eyes twitched, and she winced. “You gotta be friggin' kidding me...”

The pegasus rolled her eyes into the wind, banked east, and soared towards the vaporous horizon.

The doorbell to the Carousel Boutique rang with four elegant notes.

Rainbow Dash leaned back, fidgeting on numb hooves.

“Nnnngh... c-can't friggin' wait for this paycheck...” She glanced down at the package in her hooves. “This thing's so light. What could Rarity have ordered, anyways?”

“Just a minuttttte!” a voice sing-songed from beyond the door.

“Brbrbrbrbrbrrr...” Rainbow exhaled, wings drooping. “Be still, my inner vampire hunter...”

The door slid open, and Rarity stood before the front stoop. She wore glasses and had a length of measuring tape hanging over her neck. At the sight of her close friend, she smiled elegantly. “Oh! Rainbow Dash! How delightful a surprise!”

“Hey hey, Rarity.”

“Oh! And what's this?” Rarity cupped a dainty hoof against her cheek. “You're delivering a package to yours truly?”

“Yeah. I work for Banner Company. Remember?”

“As a matter of fact, I do believe it's occurred to me,” Rarity said. “Oh, how I do admire your hard working ethics.” She sniffed the air between them, then blinked. “That... that musk. Have you been out to the desert?”

“Yeah. I had to make a trip out to Appleloosa. Say... do you remember any of the ponies we met there?”

“Should I have?”

“Right, glad we could agree on something.” Rainbow hoofed the package forward. “Here ya go. If you wouldn't mind signing for this—”

“Why the hurry, Rainbow, dear?” Rarity smiled. “You must be terribly exhausted from such an extensive flight! Why not come in and rest a while in the blissful air conditioning?”

“I-I really just wanna get my work done, Rarity. Thanks, though—”

“But... it's so late in the day!” Rarity blinked. “Surely you don't have another shipment to make!”

“Uhhhhh—”

“Well?”

“As a matter of fact... uhm...” Rainbow gulped. “This is my last delivery of the day. Funny that you should—”

“Splendid! Then you can certainly afford a breather!”

“Nnnngh... Rarity...”

“Uh uh uh!” Rarity tugged Rainbow inside with a pulse of magic. “I insist! Besides, it will give us the chance to catch up!”

Despite her inner grumblings, Rainbow didn't have the strength to protest. Her wings were as perky as ever, but her legs and knees were a stumbling mess. When Rarity slid over a stool, Rainbow Dash easily relented, slumping down with a sigh.

“How about some water, darling?”

“Water... actually sounds pretty swell.” Rainbow bore a weak smile. “Thanks, Rarity. I mean really.”

“Don't mention it.” Rarity winked as she returned with a glass and a pitcher. “You know, an athletic lifestyle requires constant hydration. It'd be a shame for you to dry out and shrivel up before finally landing a position in the Wonderbolts.”

“Uhhhh... the Wonderbolts. Right.” Rainbow smiled nervously and took a ship.

“Mmmm... ehhhh...” Rarity took a moment to stare at Rainbow, grimacing. “Do tell... is that apron a personal choice, my dear?”

“Mmmmfff...” Rainbow gulped down the water and exhaled. “Goddess, no. I have to buck myself in the flank each day to keep myself from ripping the darn thing to shreds.”

“That must be intolerably taxing,” Rarity said. “To be imprisoned in such a dreadful smock as a mandatory element of your profession.”

“Yeah, well, it's worth it for the bits.”

“Dare I ask, are you starving for funds at the moment, Rainbow?”

“Uhhhhhhh...” Rainbow squirmed, avoiding the unicorn's gaze. “No. What g-gives you that idea?” She cleared her throat. “And, y'know—not to be a jerkwad or anything—but even if that was the case, I don't see how it's—”

Rarity laughed airily. “Oh, I most definitely do not wish to pry, dear. I may not exactly be upfront about it, but I do care terribly about you. I just know how opposed you are to outward show of affection.”

“Erm...” Rainbow coughed and drowned herself in another glass of water. “Mmmff... yeahhhh.”

“But, let's not dwell on that!” Rarity trotted happily across the Boutique. “It's such a pleasure having you around. And... well... hmmm-hmmm-hmmm...”

Rainbow lowered the glass and raised an eyebrow. “What are you chuckling about?”

“Well, it's just that you're here,” Rarity said. “And, as it so happens, I've been hoping for a while now that I'd have the opportunity to... well... to show you something.”

“To show me what?”

“Oh, just a little something I've been working on.” Rarity gleefully smiled before offering a conspiratorial wink. “For a mare who's been harboring a little something of her own.”

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash winked. Her ears went flat. “Wait...”

“Hmmmmm...” Rarity struggled to contain a gleeful squeal. “You've been an elusive mare as of late, Rainbow Dash, but we're your friends. So, certainly you can forgive us for seeing through you. It's okay. Despite our gossiping nature, we've not let the good news spread beyond the walls of our own homes.”

“Rarity, I... I don't know what you think you know, but—”

“Shhhh!” Rarity trotted up to a curtained-off section of the Boutique. “Save it for after you've tasted of this divine spectacle! I know you may be reticent to approve at first, but—trust me—he is going to absolutely love it!”

Rainbow's eyes bulged. “'He?!'”

Swissssh! The curtains parted.

“Ta-daaaaaaa!” Rarity squee'd. “Isn't it positively ravishing?!”

Rainbow's muzzle dropped. She face-hoofed so hard that she nearly fell off her stool. “Oh for buck's sake...”

She Won't Look Like a Tank

“Oh, don't give it that look, Rainbow Dash!” Rarity daintily hopped onto the platform and stood beside the shimmering gown in question. “I think white would look so incredibly flattering on you! Haven't you thought so yourself?”

“No,” Rainbow Dash droned, her ears as flat as razors. As were her eyebrows. “I haven't.”

“I urge you to reconsider!” Rarity traced the dress' hem and the pronounced, satin bustle with a graceful hoof. “It's a color that your mane lacks! As does your tail and coat! Which means white—as a neutral tone—will let you show off your natural hues all the more through sheer contrast!” She grinned rosily as she stepped towards the front of the gown and gestured to the accentuated neckline. “But—notice the translucent fabric here? I just know it'll allow for a hint of your sky-blue beauty to show through! It's like you'll be wearing a cloud! And when you sashay into the room, every stallion and mare will gasp in awe—as if a veritable rainbow has beamed down from the sky to bless their presence!”

“Rarity... I... nghh...” Rainbow sighed and stared off towards the far ends of the Boutique. “Does it really have to look so much like a friggin' wedding gown?”

“Hmmm? What was that, Rainbow?” Rarity grinned. “Do speak up, darling.”

“Rarity, thank you... but...” Rainbow Dash ran a hoof through her mane. “Unnngh... h-how can I put this...?”

“Uh uh uh uh!” Rarity waved a hoof. “Don't say another word! Quite frankly, I wouldn't be offended if you were less than enthused about my hoofwork. After all, I'm well-acquainted with your attitude concerning graceful things, Rainbow Dash. However...” The unicorn's eyes sparkled. “...we're not altogether worried about your perspective, now are we?”

“...huh?”

“Fear not, Rainbow, and trust in the experts!” Rarity sing-songed as she hopped down from the platform and girl-stepped towards her. “I designed this gown perfectly to knock a stallion dumbstruck on his handsome flank.” She wrapped a hoof around Rainbow's neck and nuzzled her cheek. “Heeee—And I just know that he will be properly flabbergasted!”

“'H-He?!'” Rainbow's voice cracked. She gulped and gently pulled herself out of Rarity's embrace. “Rarity, y-you've got the wrong idea...”

“Please, Rainbow, no need to be shy. We can all see that you're in love! Heeheehee—”

“Yeah—I mean... NO. I mean... guhhh...” Rainbow face-hoofed and gestured. “You've got it all wrong! It's not at all like that!”

“Ah... but of course!” Rarity nodded. “I've always known you to be impulsive in the ways of athleticism and adventure. But romance?” She winked. “There's no shame in being cautious, Rainbow, even to the point of dragging your hooves. But someday—heeheehee—I assure you, when it comes time to knock his horseshoes off with your beauty, then this will be the perfect vessel for doing so.”

“Unnnnnnnnnnnngh...” Rainbow Dash slumped to her haunches and rolled her eyes liberally across the ceiling. “Rarityyyyyyyyyyyy...”

“Now, don't you go on like that!” Rarity playfully pouted. “As you can see, I did all the work for you.” She tilted her head back with a jubilant squee. “And it won't cost you a single bit!”

“Rarity...”

“This is from the bottom of my heart.” The unicorn sniffled slightly as she held a hoof over her heart. “I knew that the day would come that one of us would fall head over tails for a stallion in our life. I just had no idea that it would be you of all mares, Rainbow Dash. In my head, I naturally thought that I would be first. But the fact that it's you who would be carrying the torch of love first is positively inspiring. I would be blessed if I were to provide the attire for your first romantic venture, whenever such a date might come.”

“Rarity... ...”

“And I can teach you proper etiquette and give you tips on how to beautify your mane and—”

“Rarity!” Rainbow hissed. “I... I'm afraid that you've got the wrong idea about me.”

Rarity blinked innocently at her. “Oh?”

“You see, you're so insistent that there's a stallion in my life.” Rainbow gulped. “And, well, you see... the thing is... uhm... I'm... I'm into...”

“Yes, Rainbow?” Rarity's eyelashes fluttered.

Rainbow stared at her. Her muzzle hung open. She fidgeted... fidgeted again... and slumped with a sigh. “I'm miles into deep crap.”

“Hmmmph! That's not the attitude!” Rarity placed a gentle hoof on the pegasus' shoulder and urged her back onto her hooves. “I'm your friend, Rainbow Dash, and I am going to prepare you for a blissful date even if it kills me!”

“Mmmmmff...” Rainbow stared out the corner of her eyes. “It just might...”

“But, first of many... many things...” Rarity smiled. “I insist that you help me in fitting the gown so that it accentuates your figure precisely!”

“Buh?”

“Well, I needn't be the first pony to tell you that you rarely venture in here, Rainbow Dash.” Rarity laughed airily. “Aside from that one occasion before the terrible... nnnngh... p-parasprite debacle, I've never had the chance to properly acquire your measurements.”

“Jee. What a tragedy.” Rainbow blinked. “Wait.” She turned to look at the light package that she had brought to Rarity's doorstep. “It's no coincidence that your place was the last on my schedule, was it—?”

“And I do terribly fear that I've been inaccurate in my measurements. After all, your Gala gown was far too... eh... poofy. Something tells me that I failed to take your truly petite sizing into account—”

“Oh, come on!” Rainbow barked.

“Please, Rainbow Dash!” Rarity pleaded. “Allow me this opportunity! I musn't fail in giving you the absolute best dress imaginable!”

“Rarity, I don't... I-I don't...”

Rarity's eyes were wide as saucers. They positively glittered with burdgeoning tears along the edges.

“Eeeeennnnghhhuuuuuugh...” Rainbow groaned as her wings drooped. “F.I.N.E.”

“!!!” Rarity jumped, her legs wiggling beneath her as she gasped happily. “Oh, Rainbow Dash, you will not regret it!” She landed and pulled Rainbow up onto the stage. “First thing's first—let us get you out of that positively garish apron!”

“For once, I'm totally with you...”

Lost to Outer Daintiness

Rainbow Dash was dying. It was a slow death, born out of satin, full of weeping and gnashing of pegasus feathers.

“Gnnngh... grnnnngh...” Rainbow Dash hissed through clenched teeth, feeling like the weight of the fashion world was clinging to her spine. “Nnngh-guh...”

Rarity spun and fussed and spun and fussed around the mare, threading needles in and out of key spots as she made the tiniest alterations to the sinfully shiny gown. “Hold still, Rainbow Dash! Please, you must refrain from even the slightest jitter!”

“So... itchy...” Rainbow squeaked.

Rarity frowned. “It is not!” She sighed and put on a playful smile while fluffing the edges of Rainbow's blouse. “Honestly, why is everything with even a modicum of grace so analogous to pulling teeth with you?”

“How can anypony actually enjoy this sort of a thing?”

“I know you'll only scoff at me, Rainbow, but I'd say this absolutely suits you,” Rarity said with a sparkling smile. “Oh, to be born with a mane as beautiful and exquisite as yours!”

“Eeeeeeuughhhhh...”

“I mean it!” Rarity cooed, flouncing a few prismatic threads for emphasis as she passed by Rainbow's head. “So silky and vibrant and manageable! And yet what a shame that—day in and day out—you carelessly throw it to the whim of high winds and... brrrrrbrrbrbrbrrr... rainwater.”

“I happen to like flying,” Rainbow grunted. “Have they invented a dress for that?”

“Oh, Rainbow Daa-aa-aash...” Rarity giggled and continued fiddling with the lace hem of the gown. “The sky is no place for an elegant ball!”

“Rarity—”

“Or even a romantic soiree for that matter!”

“But—like—what if there wasn't a need for it?! Or a point?!”

“Are you kidding?! He'll be digging his own grave if he refuses to take you out as soon as possible—”

“—or no stallion?!” Rainbow clenched her teeth. “Rarity, you're my friend, and your generosity is one of the coolest things ever, but I have to tell ya—you've got it all wrong about me!”

“Have I, now?” Rarity grinned at the crinoline'd mare atop the platform. “Are you or are you not a mare who appreciates doing awesome things with magnificent flair?!”

“Well... uh... sure! Totally!”

“Hmmm-hee-hee-hee!” Rarity beamed. “Then believe me when I say that I am providing you with the absolute best flair that elegance has to offer!”

“Unnnngh...” Rainbow Dash groaned. She was sweating beneath the satiny lengths of the gown, for her legs were starting to buckle. “Rarity...”

“Oooh! And thankfully, we have the precise thing to finish the ensemble!” Rarity trotted gaily towards the far end of the Boutique and picked up a familiar looking box. “And I know just who to thank for ittttt!”

“Huh?!” Rainbow blinked, cross-eyed. She snarled, “Darn it, you planned all of this... every single square inch.”

“Horses for courses, darling.” Rarity blinked and peeled the container open with her telekinesis. “Ah!” She grinned. “It wasn't damaged from rattling around in your chariot one bit! Here we are!” She pulled out a fancy white bow and floated it to the back of Rainbow's head. “Oh, and it's just the perfect size!”

“Gawwwwwwwwwd...”

“Now no more of that, Rainbow!”

“Just shove a dagger into my chest, will ya?”

“There'll be time to practice dramatics later.” Rarity bunched Rainbow's mane and formed a loose knot, pinning the bow to the curled threads. “Now... this isn't the time for a full makeover, but... I do believe you'll get the idea of the vision I had in mind when I first dreamt up this look.” She smiled. “Three hours with yours truly will surely turn your mane into four times the masterpiece it already is, darling. Alas...” She held her breath and pivoted Rainbow to face the far end of the stage. “Take a gander at yourself...”

“What, am I supposed to be looking at a mirror?”

“Hmmm?”

Rainbow pointed with a laced sleeve. “You've got a poster in the way. Some supermodel pony or something...”

Rarity held a hoof over her muzzle and giggled. “Do take another look, my dear.”

Rainbow sighed. When she blinked, the supermodel blinked. “Oh.” Her ears folded, and some elegant equine trembled like a shy cherub. “Oh.” She raised a hoof, and a regally clothed mare performed a gracefully dainty gesture. “Ohhhh.”

“Hmmmmmmmmmm?” Rarity leaned in, trying to contain her squeals. “Well? Whatdoyouthink? Hehhh?”

“It's...” Rainbow fidgeted, her eyes doing figure-eights around the demure mare with a familiar coat stuck in an unfamiliar air of beauty. “...it's... really freaky.”

“Hah!” Rarity laughed airily. “Truer poetry was never spoken! I dare say, I may very well have flabbergasted you.”

“That's one way of putting it,” Rainbow muttered. She bit her lip as her legs continued to tremble, turning number and number. “Does it... uh... r-really need the bow, though?”

“Well, I ordered it especially for this outfit.” Rarity plucked the thing loose and tapped her chin in thought. “Hmmmm... You know, come to think of it, I have something that's less ivory and more eggshell white that could compliment the dress a million times better.”

“Uhhhh... great!” Rainbow fidgeted, attempting to wriggle out of the gown. “You work on that! I gotta go and—”

“This will only take a second!” Rarity sing-songed, galloping out the door. “I know I can make this perfect!”

“Ungh... friggin' zipper—Rarity?!” Rainbow barked, a vein pulsing near her ears. “Where the hay are you going?! You can't just—dang it!” She stood alone in the room. At first, she fumed, but then as the seconds drew themselves into a minute, she glanced around, held her breath... and simply collapsed.

Fwomp!

“Guhhhhhhhhhhh...” Rainbow Dash exhaled, wincing. Her wings flexed and unflexed through the strategic holes cut in the sides of the outfit. Catching her breath, she felt the blood rushing through her weary legs. “Whew... friggin' A... thought I-I'd never get a chance to rest.” She frowned, staring worriedly at the folds of the gown being crushed beneath her. “Ugh... I'm ruining it.” She squinted. “Am I ruining it?” She bit her lip, flexed her wings some more, and then flapped them.

Hovering up, she hoped to rest her dangling legs. Instead, she miscalculated for the weight of the skirts, and she teetered backwards in midair.

“Who-oah!” Rainbow wheezed.

Three ponyquins rattled into one another.

Wincing, Rainbow quick-as-lightning caught them and leaned them upright before they could tip over. They rattled to a stop as she exhaled with relief. For some reason, her hoof lingered on the “muzzle” of one featureless ponyquin. She blinked at it, then turned once more towards the mirror across the stage.

Yet again, a petite and demure mare stared back, hovering in an angelic gown.

Rainbow Dash clenched her teeth. She touched down beside the ponyquin, then closed her eyes. She took several deep breaths. Gradually, her ears folded softly against her head. She squinted one eye at the ponyquin, then took two trotting steps sideways. Awkwardly at first—fidgeting—she lowered her neck until it was beneath the chin of the dressing dummy. Then, biting her lip, she raised her head, allowing the ponyquin's neck to “nuzzle” her through her mane. A soft breath left her, and she sniffled once. Smiling sweetly, Rainbow nuzzled back, raising a hoof daintily. Her heart pounded beneath the blouse, and she prepared to coo six simple words—

“Sorry for the wait, Rainbow.” Rarity's loud hoofsteps reentered the room. “I didn't find the bow that I was looking for, but I do believe I found two even better candidates—”

Thud! All four of Rainbow's hooves landed neatly in the center of the stage.

Rarity jerked in place, startled.

Rainbow was standing dead-still, though her skirts flounced to a stop. She stared straight ahead while the ponyquin beside the stage rocked and rattled and vibrated until it was once again rigid.

Silence.

“Rainbow... I...” Rarity blinked quizzically. “What... did you...?”

“So you found the b-bows, h-huh?” Rainbow grinned nervously. “How super!”

“Egads!” Rarity hobbled up onto the stage. “Is it hot in here?” She dabbed at the mare's forehead. “You're sweating terribly! Celestia, above! I'd better get this off you before you ruin it!”

“Jee...” Rainbow's voice cracked. “What a sh-shame, huh?”

Poke Poke Poke

“What is it?” Lancie asked, poking his talon at the plastic wrapping.

“Don't touch it!” Rainbow hissed down at him. Then, with a deflating sigh, she resumed hanging the item from the very center of an extremely sparse bedroom closet. She ran her hooves over the white covering around the dress. “I had to stop by Rarity's on the way home. Apparently she made this for me over the last few weeks.”

“So, what is it?” Lancie poked at it again.

“I said quit it!” Rainbow knocked him back with her tail. “It's a gift from Rarity!”

“Nnnngh!” The statue picked himself up from a knocked-over waistbasket. “The vampire, right?”

“Yes, the vampire.”

“Then why should you care if I poke it or not?”

“Because, Lancie, believe it or not I care about my best friends!” Rainbow sighed and gazed lethargically at the covered gown. “And Rarity put a lot of her heart and soul into this thing.”

“Pfft! Whenever are you going to wear it?”

Rainbow gave him a double-take. “How'd you know it was a dress?”

“I wasn't carved yesterday, you know,” Lancie said with a coy smile. “I've followed your misadventures closely enough to know who does what.” He counted off the talons on his hand. “Applejack, Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity, the Professor and Mary-Anne—”

“Yeah yeah yeah... I get it,” Rainbow muttered, flying across the room. “You forgot Pinkie, by the way.”

He shrugged. “Who doesn't?”

“Just don't touch the thing, okay? I'll... I'll find a way to make Rarity happy about it.”

“If you ask me, the best way to pacify your friend Rarity is to tell her the truth.”

“Hah!” Rainbow smirked bitterly. “That I'm going on suicidal errands for an impish little volcano turd while simultaneously struggling to prevent myself from becoming a future pony parapalegic?”

“Yes, yes, we all know that you're a mare of many secrets. And I do emphasize many.” Lancie bowed low, smiling. “But, in my eons of cartwheeling around this dimension, I've discovered that everything tends to have its root in one—” He raised a single talon. “—and only one hidden truth. And so long as you keep that one golden nugget from the rest of the giggle-gaggle that you claim to be oh so loyallllllllllllll to, then your problems will only continue to be increasingly tickle-tumorous.”

Rainbow paused at the door and turned to squint at him.

He stared back, grinning a stone grin.

“Since when were you allowed to be so thoughtful?” she asked.

“Hugs will do that.”

“Bullcrap. All you wanna do is go after the next shard.”

“Well of course all I wanna do is go after the next shard!” Lancie flailed his rocky arms as he paced towards her. “But that can't very well be done if the pegasus I'm attached to is too busy battling soap opera sludge in her skull!”

“I can't let my friends know how I feel.”

“And why not, Madame Mysteryyyyyy?”

Rainbow sighed, gripping the door knob. “Because I just... can't.”

“Spoken like a true blue fuzzy deus ex machina.”

“Yeah, well, you're a bucket of dragon snot.”

“Alas, you win this debate yet again.” Lancie raised a gray eyebrow. “May I kindly ask where in Tartarus you're running off to now?”

“Zebra.”

“But we need to get to Manehattan and—”

“For that, my legs need to work, and for my legs to work, I need a potion, and for a potion...” Rainbow sneered back at him as she flew out. “ZEBRA!” She slammed the door behind her.

WHUD!

Alphabetical

“Zecora???”

Rainbow Dash floated down, flapped her wings, and landed before the hut in the center of Everfree Forest.

“Hey! Z to the C to the A!” Rainbow Dash knocked on the door, her saddlebag bulging with the appropriate ingredients for a potion. “It's your gal pal! Y'know... the one who sounds like she works at a little pet shop!” She knocked again. “Sorry for being so late! I... k-kinda got caught up with some last second stuff, but I'm here now!”

Silence.

“You there?” She fidgeted. “Uhhh... if I'm bothering you, then—like—I could leave the stuff here and you can make a brew with them later? If that's... alright...?” She squinted, then cocked her head to the side to look through a window.

Not only did it appear empty inside, but none of the candles were lit.

“She's not home...” Rainbow tapped her chin. “I don't suppose there's been some pilgrimage to Meccolt that I don't know about?”

More silence.

“Hrmmmmm...” She flexed her limbs, wincing at the numbness. “Darn it, sass-stripes, where could you be?” She paced about in a circle, wings twitching. Then, with a sudden realization, she froze. Blinking, she flapped her feathers and lifted up... up... up... banking about and heading her way towards the forest's edge.

Rainbow Dash glided towards the east fields of Sweet Apple Acres. The sun was beginning to set, and—sure enough—two shadows stretched broadly across the emerald hilltops flanking the orchards.

“Ah hah!” Rainbow grinned. “One way or another, all things wash up here.” She squinted. “Buh?”

One of the shadows belonged to Zecora... and the other to Big Macintosh.

Biting her tongue, Rainbow Dash dropped straight down and crouched low along the fence line. Led on by nervous curiosity, she inched forward over the hill, approaching the two figures as they finished planting a row of seeds.

“It'll take more than moisture for Zebraharan fruit to grow,” Zecora said, sporting a bright grin. “Just follow my keen instructions whenever you sow. By allowing these Everfree worms to stay in the soil, you'll rid yourself of much unneeded toil. They'll consume every nutrient, save but one, and this will allow the fruit to grow swiftest in the Equestrian sun!”

“Eeeeyup,” Big Mac said, observing the wriggling creatures with awe and amusement.

“I am grateful, Big Macintosh, that you've entertained my advice. Most Equestrians would think that these creatures would only be a vice.” Zecora chuckled slightly and said, “I assure you that with enough attention and care, your family will grow a new crop that is both delicious and rare.” She gestured at the rows of raised soil. “It will certainly give you an edge in the local market, and those ponies who scoff at you can simply bend over and s—” She blinked over the ridge, and her ears twitched. “Rainbow Dash! Is that you?”

Rainbow flinched, leaning back. “Uhh... uhhhhhh...”

“Good evening, my fine friend!” Zecora grinned. “Big Macintosh and I are at our labor's end.”

“Eeeyup.”

“So good to work so closely by your side,” Zecora said, turning to him. She bit her lip, trying not to blush. “I hope you don't mind the many hours that were applied.”

“Eenope.” The stallion smiled pleasantly at her.

“Alas, I have scheduled business with Rainbow.” She played with a few blades of grass and avoided the stallion's gaze. “Perhaps we can resume where we left off... t-tomorrow?”

“Eeyup.” Big Macintosh bowed low, snatched up the basket of seedlings, waved, and trotted back to the barn.

“A wonderful and fortuitous thing!” Zecora waved at him. “Many more seeds I'll be sure to bring!”

“Eeyup.”

“Hmmmmmm...” Zecora sat back on her haunches, exhaling through a contented sigh.

Rainbow Dash trotted up. “Uhhh... y'know... if you wanted to reschedule, I could totally bother you another evening.”

“I wouldn't mind if he b-bothered me every night,” Zecora cooed deliriously into the air. “Such gentle disposition and yet such muscle and might...”

“Errrr...” Rainbow Dash grimaced her way into a coy grin. “Do we need to take a dip in the frozen north on our way to your hut?”

“Hmmm? Oh! By the shadows...” Zecora fanned herself and turned tail towards the dirt road beyond the fenceline. “Let us make the brew that is so sorely overdue.”

“I don't think I'm the one who's asking to be sore.”

“Eunngh... Rainbow...”

“Heeheeheee...”

Genuine Dash

Zecora sprinkled more spices into the the broth she was stirring and flung a brief smirk over her shoulder. “You'll be pleased to know, Rainbow Dash, that I've made a slight improvement to the brew. I've added a bit of flavoring that should keep the bitter taste from reaching through.” She chuckled at her own cleverness.

“That's... uh... that's really nice, Zecora,” Rainbow Dash said, sitting on a stool in the middle of the zebra's hut. She flexed her forelimb, sighing out her nostrils. “All I really wanted to do was drop the ingredients off at your place. You really didn't have to make the potion overnight.”

“But, alas, I am awake! And this brew is a pleasure to make!”

“And, y'know, about the seasoning...” Rainbow shrugged. “The regular taste doesn't really bother me a whole lot. After all, we both know it's for a good cause.”

“I'm afraid that remains to be debated,” Zecora said in a momentarily solemn tone. “After all, with this medicine, your condition is only temporarily abated.”

“Yeahhhhhh...” Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her mane and stared at the walls. “I'm my own worst enemy, huh?”

“You certainly have your own trademark charm,” Zecora said with a smile, adding more ingredients to the pot. “I doubt, in the end, you seek to cause yourself too much harm.”

“Right... or m-my friends for that matter.”

“Indeed.”

Rainbow bit her lip. “Uhm... Zecora? I've been thinking...”

“Hmmm?”

“Big Macintosh... y'know?” She gulped. “Maybe... like... h-he's not the right guy for you...”

Zecora dryly chuckled. “Oh please, old friend. Must you bring that up again?”

“I mean, the dude's big and...” Her muzzle twisted as she said: Handsommmme?” She cleared her throat. “But, like, he's all about... planting crops and raising barns and... moving heavy stuff... and then moving even heavier stuff...”

“These past two days have proven that I can assist him in his agricultural ways.” Zecora turned to grin over her shoulder. “It may be slow going...” Her cheeks flushed slightly as she looked ahead. “But I do believe our friendhip is growing.”

“Right, but we all know that what you wa—unngh...” Rainbow face hoofed. “Here's the thing: have you ever thought of your needs, Zecora?”

“One thing at a time. That is the way of all that is sublime.”

“I'm just saying I've seen this kind of stuff before.” Rainbow's ears drooped. “I know it by heart. Bending over backwards to make another pony's dreams come true?” She slowly shook her head. “It can set you up for a really... really big fall.”

Zecora raised an eyebrow at her.

Rainbow smiled weakly. “You're a swell gal, and I'd hate to see your feelings get hurt.”

“You think Big Macintosh has me at a loss?”

“I think you shouldn't make it all about what he wants. Be assertive girl. Be selfish even. Ask him out to dinner or just a walk or—heck—a wrestling match. Guys like wrestling, right?”

“Heheheheh... I would think as much.”

“Just... get a response out of him,” Rainbow Dash said. She tried her best not to wince as she said, “Better sooner than later.”

“Why Rainbow, I had no clue.” Zecora poured a liberal amount of the potion into a wooden cup. “Romantic advice certainly becomes you.”

“Yeah... well...”

“In this sense, you've had experience?” Zecora hoofed her the cup.

Rainbow Dash tried taking it in her hooves, fumbled, and resorted to using her feathertips to lift the thing up. “I... uh...” She sighed. “I've been to some pretty bad places.”

“And yet you have emerged free from such undesirable misery?”

Rainbow looked at Zecora's warm expression. She smiled weakly. “I like to think so.” She pivoted her wings and brought the cup closer to her muzzle. “Could always be better, though.”

“You're a great dealer wiser than you think.” Zecora winked, then trotted back to her alchemy table. “You've more than earned yourself that drink.”

Rainbow sighed, then leaned in to sip. “Here's hoping...”

An Arc Grows in Bucklyn

“What I want to know is...” Lancie leaned out of Rainbow's saddlebag, resting his front paws on her shoulder. “...what does she see in the guy?”

Rainbow replied over the sound of whipping winds. “Eh, what any mare sees in a stallion.” Rainbow shrugged, wiping her goggles to clear them of condensation. She rounded a cloudbank and descented through a wave of early morning mists. “He's big... soft-spoken... polite... big... ehhhh...” She blinked. “...did I mention big?”

“Now you have me immeasurably curious.” Lancie smirked, propping his fanged mouth against a stone talon. “Just what do you see in a gal?”

“Ugh... let's not get into that.”

“Because Applejack's 'big.'”

“Pffft! She is not!”

“She's bigger than you.”

“Make a friggin' list.” Rainbow banked to the side, wings spread. Her body coiled tightly, her limbs strong and receptive with the flow of the medicine in her veins. “Back to the topic at hoof: I think Zecora's really attracted to a pony who values hard work, simplicity, and consistency. All of those—I guess—are embodied in Big Mac.”

“Yes, but from what I hear, he's busying embodying in body with somebody else.”

“Yeah, and?”

“And, Spark, you strike me as a soul who's far too well-acquainted with ticking time bombs. So why light another fuse?”

“I don't get what you mean.”

“Oh please. Not even you can be that stupid.”

“Hrmmmf...”

“Better yet—stop assuming that everypony in this world is half as stupid as you,” he said with a grunt. “The Secret Life of Rainbow Dash may yet be the genius memoirs that you'll get to spring on an unsuspecting group of avid readers someday, but that doesn't mean that every single secret you weave at the click of a tongue will have nearly as much success fooling anyone.” Lancie stifled a yawn and muttered, “Especially anyone with stripes, a bachelor's degree in shamanism, and a hairdo that would certainly massacre your eyeballs to ribbons once she headbutts you for keeping an infernal secret from her all this time.”

“Look, let me worry about Zecora. She's my friend.”

“And we only hurt the ones we love, huh?”

“Why do you even friggin' care?” Rainbow frowned as she coasted another cloud. “For eons, you've been stuck in limbo, waiting for one thing and one thing alone. What does the soap opera of my best friends' lives do to contribute to you being you?”

“Ah...” He smirked. “So now you present my selfishness as a means of validating and/or ignoring your own?”

“I'm not selfish,” Rainbow Dash said, though she fidgeted in midair. “I'm just... me inclined.”

“Same old song and dance...” Lancie knocked a talon's knuckle on her fuzzy head. “...eggs and waffles poured down your pants.”

“Grnnngh...” Rainbow batted his limb away and descended, ears twitching. “New rule. From here on out, let me just worry about helping you. Unless I specifically ask for it after retrieving a shard, don't go out of your way by your own plan to help me or my friends.”

“What do you take me for, Sparky? An altruist?” He rolled his stone eyes while planting a hoof over his chest. “I wouldn't even dream of it!”

“You're a lot more bearable when you're predictable.”

“I don't know whether to be insulted or to make a plaque out of that last statement.” He shrugged. “Perhaps both.”

“Save it. We're almost there.”

“Almost where?” Lancie held a paw over his eyes and squinted across the oceanic horizon. “All I see is clouds and whale breeding grounds.”

Rainbow Dash smirked. “Wait for it...”

At last, the two pierced the last layer of clouds, and then an enormous island of steel and concrete emerged before them. Skyscrapers sliced the sky while honking freight ships cruised in and out of their ports. Far below, along the Bucklyn Bridge, dense lines of wagons and carriages rolled towards the densely populated island located within the blue, sparkling inlet.

“Manehattan...” Rainbow Dash dove low to fly out of the path of a puttering zeppelin. “Formerly 'Neigh Amsterdam,' but hey... who cares? This city's big and glittery n'all, but if you ask me it's a tad bit overhyped.”

“I hear it's very romantic this time of year.”

“Ugh. Yeah. Let's get this crud over with.” That said, Rainbow dove, flattened her body, and weaved her way through the first of many, many, many buildings.”

The City That Never Saddles

“Hey, watch where you're flying!” A window-washer shouted while waving an angry hoof. “You want I should pile-drive you into the concrete, ya bird-brain?! Ponies are trying to work here!”

Rainbow Dash nevertheless glided past him, soaring her way down a bustling street at a tenth-story glide.

“Hmmm...” Lancie leaned his head out and looked all around as Rainbow glided through the heart of the maretropolis. “Charming town.”

“Your sarcasm is a thick syrup and I'm all out of waffles.”

“Less breakfast analogies and more shard-finding, please.”

“Could do with a little compass work, buddy.”

“Oh, very well.” Lancie climbed up her mane and pointed his talon over her head so she could see it through her goggles. “That way.”

“Lotta buildings in the way there, chief.”

“I'll tell you when to move. Consider me your wingpony.”

“Yeesh. Better get you clipped.”

“Hardy har har.” Lancie pivoted his talon left. “Hang a left here, and keep low.”

“Can't keep too low,” Rainbow said, veering after his directions. “They've got flight regulations in this sort of a place.”

“Surely you jest.”

“Nope. That's why I rarely visit places like Manehattan or Fillydelphia.”

“Except when you do every week when you have to make illicit meetings with members of a lunar secret society?”

“Dude, shut up.”

“Heheheheh...”

Rainbow sighed, glancing at her blue reflection blurring in the windows to her right. “I never get why every friggin' place with skyscrapers has somehow gotta cater to unicorns and earth ponies.”

“Oh, you poor, poor oppressed pigeons.” Lancie pointed right. “This way.”

Rainbow swerved after his guidance. “In Cloudsdale, you could fly anywhere you want. Walls and windows? Pffft. Don't need them. Heck, even the big government buildings are open for anypony with wings to come in, visit, take a nap—whatever. Everything's all chillaxed, you know?”

“Sounds like you've just reduced all of pegasus culture to a bunch of cloud squatters.”

“Hey... when you think really hard on it... money's both a ball-and-chain and a crutch.” Rainbow smirked bitterly. “All that's real is wind and thunder. If ya ask me, once a culture's got that figured out, then what's the point in fretting over anything else?”

“Spoken like a true chaotician.”

“Bite your tongue.”

“Forsooth, Sparky...” Lancie tugged on her mane and stuck his head so that he was smirking at her upside down. “Haven't you ever thought hard on the topic? You and I are birds of a feather.”

“You're one ugly dove.”

“What I mean is... both of us see the trivial constructs of equine civilization for what they really are—trite inventions made to enforce a series of 'checks and balances' that are valid in name only! All rules ever do is single out ponies and elevate an elite group of flank-sniffers above the rest! Why, without money and laws and fears, we are all equal, floating through the cosmos without a care in the world. Carelessness isn't a sin, really, but rather the weight we put on it is, considering the more harm than good it's done.”

“You are completely out of your antler-space if you think I'm capable of thinking that hard about life to even remotely understand you.”

“Ah, but you feel it, yes?” Lancie smirked. “Every day you trudge to work... every night you fall asleep for fear of losing your house—which is somepony else's property and not yours—you know deep down inside that you're an unnecessary slave to some system that pretends ever so hypocritically to emulate the haughty values of 'harmony' that your monarchy blindly enforces!” He leaned casually against her neck with a smirk. “Heck, no wonder you infatuate so hard over the Princess of Frecklestan. It's a terminal case of escapism if I ever sniffed one.”

“Eeeeunnngh...” Rainbow grumbled. “I thought I was here to help you find a criminally exploited chaos shard, not get into some long-winded conversation about anarchy and sour grapes.”

“Oh, I'm sure we'll get to explosions soon enough.” Lancie flicked her ear, making it twitch. “You're smarter than you give yourself credit for, Sparky, which makes it all the more tragic that you don't try to live half as much as you're capable of doing.”

“Next you're going to say that I'm a masochistic glutton for punishing myself.”

Lancie whistled innocently.

Rolling her goggled eyes, Rainbow grumbled, “Just tell me where I need to go already.”

“Hmmmm...” Lancie waggled his stone digits in the air. “Chaos senses... tingling...!”

“And don't be so coy about it!” Rainbow barked. “Buck...”

“I thiiiiiiiiink...” Lancie rolled over and pointed past her shoulder. “Thattaway!”

Rainbow took a hard right, threading her way past a flinching pegasus and a winged newsy.

Wincing, Rainbow scoured the buildings with her eyes. “You'd better not be sending me in circles, dude!”

“Oh, don't you worry, I do believe swirly circles is exactly the headspace of the pony who's got my next piece.”

“How can you tell?”

“The same way I always tell!” He shrugged with a smirk. “A hunch of a hunch of another hunch!”

“Unnngh...”

“Whoopsies!” Lancie glanced over his shoulder. “I think we passed it!”

“Huh?!” Rainbow did a double-take, already pivoting her wings to perform a massive backflip. “Where? How?”

“Zip back and find out, Sparky! What do you think I am, a homing pigeon?”

“At least you don't poop as much.”

“You know... come to think of it—” He toyed with his fang.

“Don't you friggin' dare!”

Dash Hard With a Vengeance

Rainbow Dash blinked, stared, and blinked again. She leaned forward on the window ledge where she was perched and rubbed her face.

“You know, I don't blame you,” Lancie said, stifling a yawn as he rested in her saddlebag. “If I had a fuzzy face, I'd probably be rubbing it all the time too.”

“Shhhhh...” Rainbow murmured, squinting harder. “I'm trying to see...”

“See what?”

“You friggin' tell me.” She pointed across the street at the towering fifty-story building full of shiny glass window panels. “According to you, the shard's located somewhere inside that high-rise apartment building.”

“Yes, and?”

“Well, it's a little bit hard to tell exactly where in the damn building your shard must be!”

“Are we inside the apartment building right now?”

“Uhm... no.”

“Well, there's your first problem right there,” Lancie said.

With a sigh, Rainbow turned and glared at him. “It's private property, Lancie. It's a place where ponies live,” she said, grumbling. “I just can't waltz in there and grab something stored away in their posession.”

“But—”

“Look, it doesn't matter if they got the shard illegally through the black market in the first place!” She gritted her teeth while her wings drooped on either side of her. “I could get into big trouble if I just smashed my way in there.”

“I've seen you take harder tumbles before. I'm sure you've got the skull for it, Sparky.”

“Euungh... Lancie, we've been through this.” Rainbow frowned, her mane billowing in the high winds of Manehattan. “This is no diamond dog hovel! This is Equestrian soil. There are major... major consequences for if I'm discovered breaking and entering into a pony's apartment!”

“And there're major unsexy consequences if you don't collect all of my pieces.”

“That's not the point!” Rainbow spat, fuming. “I have to find another way!”

“Sparky, there is only one way.” Lancie pointed at the building. “Either you Mareguyver it or you give up altogether.”

“Are you suggesting I try to sneak my way into the room where it's hidden?” Rainbow blanched. “I don't even know where it friggin' is!”

“Get me closer, sunshine, can I can help you!”

“Nnnnghhhh...”

“Believe me when I tell you that the other shards are likely in zanier and cookier places than this!” The statue said. “You should be glad for such an easy break!”

Rainbow muttered into a facehoof. “I wanna return to Ponyville as a loyal weather flier...” She glared once more at the building. “Not a fugitive of the state.”

“Who says you have to get caught?”

“Stealth isn't exactly my thing.”

“So you use speed to make their eyes roll!” Lancie smirked. “Like my mother always said, 'There's never a problem you can't fart your way past.'”

Rainbow blinked at him. “You had a mother?”

“I dunno... maybe?” Lancie shrugged. “Either way, he or she farted a lot.”

“Unnngh...”

“In fact, when the first prehistoric pony discovered fire, the reaction it had with all the methane is what produced Ghastly Gorge and the surrounding desert.” He turned and winked. “But I've never told Celestia that. I just pretend the canyon was built from drunk dragons hitting the earth.”

“Okay... okay...” Rainbow Dash steeled herself, taking a deep, deep breath. “Here's what we're gonna do...”

“I'm listening...”

“I'll go around the back, see if there's a backdoor entrance. Y'know... for maintenance and all that jazz.”

“Sounds boring, yet plausible...”

“But... and this is a big 'but.'”

“Isn't it always?”

“We wait until night for me to do it.”

“Awwwwwwwwww...”

“I'm serious. I gotta be extra cautious about this.” She gulped, squinting once more at the high-rise apartment. “I'm already not a big fan of what I gotta do.”

“Might I suggest we commandeer a taxi, drive it through the front entrance, and set explosive charges in the elevator shaft?”

“...okay, so maybe I'm a huge fan of my plan.”

“Eh, you're no fun.”

References

“Boy, I'm telling you...” One grizzled stallion in a green jumpsuit rambled to another in the cold breath of night. “These last few books that A.K. Yearling has been writing?” He pulled a wheeled cart out of a service elevator located at the rear of the high rise apartment building then accompanied his partner beside the back alley dumpster. Vaporous mists rose from nearby sewer grates as the two ponies proceeded to toss trash bags into the large, rusted container. “Tchh! They've been nothing but garbage, bro!”

“Oh yeah? Why's that?”

“I mean—the main character's supposed to be an explorer, right?”

“Uh huh...”

“So how come her mustard yellow flank's been stuck in the same dayum kingdom for six hundred thousand words straight?”

“I dunno, dude. You ask me? I stopped caring about Daring Do ever since the author started shipping her with Ahuizotl.”

“Tch. I'm telling you, bro, A.K. Yearling fans are the most masochistic readers on Celestia's green earth.”

“Then how come you keep buying them books month after month?”

“'Cuz reading beats having to listen to my wife bitch every night.”

“Hah hah hah... hey, Joe. Anypony ever tell you that you're so transparent that a zebra could gallop through your ass?”

“Hell, it'd do me a world of good.”

Not that far away, a rattling sound echoed across the alleyway. Both janitors turned from tossing away garbage and blinked in the moonlight.

The service elevator doors clapped shut.

“Huh...” One stallion scratched his head. “Did you see what went in there just now?”

“Beats the hell out of me. Probably a raccoon.”

“A ghost raccoon?”

Inside the elevator, Rainbow Dash exhaled, her ears twitching as she felt the tug of gravity with each floor that the platform ascended. She tilted her head up, watching as the arrow at the top of the door rotated towards the number “35.”

“Hmmmm...” Lancie, in the meantime, leaned out the saddlebag and plucked at her tail hairs.

“Ow... Ow...” Rainbow hissed back at him, flicking her tail. “Quit it.” She blinked. “What are you doing, anyway?”

“Looking for rings to count.”

“Nnnngh...”

“Are all janitors born stupid, or is just me?”

“I dunno. What were janitors like back in your day?”

“What, tens of thousands of years ago?” Lancie shrugged. “An entire race of goblins was forced to floss the teeth of Cocytus every other methane eruption down in Tartarus.”

“Meh. Forget I asked.”

“Why'd you choose the thirty-fifth floor?”

“That's where the friggin' shard is, ain't it?”

“Mmmmmmm... maybe...”

Rainbow did a double-take, her snarling voice resonating against the elevator walls. “Maybe?! I'm only pulling this stunt because I trust your senses! At least I want to trust your senses!”

“Well, I got us this far, didn't I?” Lancie grinned a stone smile. “That should count for something!”

“Unless you can somehow prove that you were the one who carried me up here after an entire afternoon wasted on pigeon-poop-covered window ledges waiting for—” Rainbow blinked. Her body flounced upwards and settled. “We just stopped.”

“Well, that was quick.”

“Dude... this is the thirtieth floor!”

“So?”

“So...!” Rainbow's voice cracked as she leaned forward and squinted down the vertical seam between the elevator doors. “Somepony must be getting on board!”

“Uhhhh...”

“Ohcrudohcrudohcrucohcrud!”

“Quick!” Lancie gestured. “Roll over and pretend to be a dead raccoon!”

“You're not helping!”

Immediately outside, two pony maids stood with a cart full of cleansers and rags.

“And then he said, 'Anthrax? Who is she?!'”

“Heeheeheeheehee!” The other mare giggled, adjusted her cap, and then blinked blankly. “I don't get it.”

“Eh. Nopony uptown should write for Broadwhinny anymore.”

Ding!

The elevator opened up, bright and empty. The two maids rolled their cart forward and stepped inside. After pressing the button, they stood side by side, then exchanged a glance.

“Do you smell kiwi fruit?”

“I 'unno.”

The doors slid shut.

With a mechanical whirr, the elevator car smoothely descended the dimly-lit shaft that ran down the towering height of the inner skyscraper. Hovering in the thin space between metal cables above, Rainbow Dash held her breath. Once the elevator car was at a comfortable distance, she pulled a few threads of her mane, turned her muzzle aside, and gave herself a slight sniff. Her brow furrowed. Ultimately, she shrugged, then flapped her wings harder, ascending the shaft.

“See? Nothing to be worried about!” Lancie said, grinning.

“Don't pretend this isn't freaky,” Rainbow muttered. “It's a friggin' miracle we haven't been pile-driven by a security guard wanting to get his Undertrotter groove on or something.”

“Will you just relax? My shard is within hoof-grasp! I can feel it!”

“Where?”

“Uhhhhhhh...” Lancie's eyes went in opposite directions, and he pointed both left and right. “Thataway!”

“Nnnngh... come onnn....”

“...pivot slightly.”

Rainbow awkwardly did so.

Slowly, like converging compass arrows, Lancie's paw and talon met in a single point, beyond which was an air-conditioning grate. “Hah! Yeah, that'll do!”

“Eungh... seriously?”

“It's either this, or you frolic down the hallways like a living Walt Disneigh Song and Dance Number.”

“As fun as that sounds...” CLANG! Rainbow kicked the grate loose and stuck her head in. “...I'm gonna go with the claustrophobic route.”

“There's a good spark...”

Rainbow lingered, glancing left and right at the tight, tight metal walls.

“What's the matter?” Lancie asked.

“I dunno... I feel like something's missing,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “Some random speech about card games and laughter.”

“Oh, I know!” Lancie fished through Rainbow's saddlebag and produced a flickering lighter. “Here! This help?”

“Grnnngh...” Rainbow rolled her eyes and shuffled ahead. “I shoulda left you in the dumpster.”

“You love it, gurl.”

Studio Cover

“Ungh...” Rainbow grunted amidst the tight thump-thump-thumps of her shimmying sojourn through the air conditioning duct. “I'm soooooooooo not a fan of tight spaces...”

“Really? That surprises me.” Lancie's antler's occasionally clattered against the walls as he gripped to Rainbow's mane. “After all, you're so very frequently cocooning yourself inside your bedsheets.”

“Mrmmmf... that's different.”

“In what way?”

“Look, enough chatter,” Rainbow hissed. “We're in it deep enough as it is without the ponies in these apartments thinking that a giant blue tarantula has somehow bottled itself up in their ceilings. Where exactly do we go next, branch-head?”

“Hang a right at the next junction.”

“Okay. See? Now we're getting somewhere.”

“Hmmm... heheh... heheheheh...”

Rainbow frowned sweatily in mid-shuffle. “What's so funny?”

“These lovely uptown yokels are going to wake up, wondering why their houses smell of kiwi fruit and backsweat.”

“Seriously! What's with the kiwi fruit?!”

“Take a left, then keep going straight, Sparky.”

“Nnnngh... would it kill you to explain yourself for once, dude?”

“The way I see it, if you can't astound someone, at least try and confound them.”

“Is that so?”

“A solid philosophy to live by.”

“I wouldn't know about that,” Rainbow said as she crawled and crawled forward. “It's a very clear case of Clever Mane Syndrome. That's about it.”

“Ah, yes. But, you see, one can measure a pony's subscription to tropes by the sizeably large gap in her imagination.”

“What in the hay are you even talking a—” CRACK! A grate directly beneath Rainbow Dash gave way. “—BUTTS!”

Lancie blinked for one and a half seconds before plunging directly after her in a gray streak. THUNK! He landed antler-first in the floor, the rest of his stone body wobbling to a stop. “Ouchie-wa-wa... I bet even the cosmos felt that one.” He glanced to his left with upside-down eyes. “Sparky? You alive? Or do I have no choice but to make the world's most adorable fur coat?”

“Nnnngh...” Rainbow grunted, lying on her back across an apartment floor with her bent wings spread and her legs curled up. “Sorry to disappoint you, dude, but I'm still in one piece.” She winced, sitting up and shuddering. “Though I kind of wished I wasn't.”

“You don't strike me as a rubber pirate.”

Rainbow's eyes went crooked. Eventually, she rolled her eyes and smacked Lancie loose from the floor with her tail. “I give up on anything and everything.” Cracking her neck joints, she stood up and squinted across the dimly-lit interior. “Just where in the buck are we?”

“Hmmm...” Lancie glanced up at a light switch. “I believe I can illuminate the cavern of our despair.” He leapt high, hitting the switch with the tip of an antler.

“No, don't!” Rainbow stretched towards him, hissing. “Somepony might be—” Light flooded the spacious apartment, revealing a chaotic mosaic of swirling colors, random statues, and avante-garde works of art. “—home.” She blinked. “What the...?”

“From the looks of things, we may have stumbled into a Saddledor Dali exhibit.”

“Or Ripley's Believe It or Neigh...”

“HAH!” Lancie hugged himself and shook all over, grinning. “I like yours better, Sparky.”

“Seriously... what the heck?” Rainbow Dash trotted from one pedestal to another, each brightly-lit platform displaying a hoof-carved oddity more indescribably twisted and bizarre than the one previous. “Who builds an art museum on the thirty-fifth floor?”

“Hey, maybe art is like cats and want to be placed on pedestals.”

“You're high.”

“Precisely my point.”

Rainbow trotted further down the apartment. She squinted at a wall at the far end of one spacious hallway. A collage of photographs was haphazardly pasted to an enormous board with some sort of sweet-smelling adhesive. At first, there appeared to be no rhyme or reason to the arrangement of photos. Gadually, the longer Rainbow stared at it, she detected a noticeable pattern. Photographs of living ponies formed a circular cluster—with flaring patterns like flower petals. In the very center was a concentration of images of freshly foaled infants, some with their umbilical cords still attached.

“Well, at least it's an adorable kind of freaky.” Rainbow was about to trot onwards when she did a double-take, staring up at one photo that stood out among the rest of the collage. She saw a mare with yellow coat and pink hair clad in a sparkly white jumpsuit, looking bashful. “Uhhhhh...”

“Good news!” Lancie tugged on Rainbow's tail, startling her. He pointed across the apartment towards a wall perpendicular to a swath of windows glittering with city lights. “I know where it is!”

“For real?” Rainbow trudged across the apartment, frowning. “I absolutely refuse to believe that some purchaser of the black market considered a piece of you to be 'high art.'”

“Apparently, flattery got them somewhere.”

“Meh.” Rainbow stopped before a wall with several hanging paintings and portraits. “What am I even looking for?”

“Beats me. I certainly never had an oil canvas for a shinbone.”

“Lancie, there's a wall right in front of us.”

Lancie rubbed his stone goatee. “Or is there...?”

Rainbow stared at the paintings in silence. Her eyes fell to the wall behind the frames. She spotted a pair of seams located behind one canvas in particular. Gazing back up at the painting, she spotted the cubist portrait of three vaguely pony-shaped objects. Curious, she trotted forward, bringing her muzzle up close to the canvas. Upon closer examination, she spotted a hoof-shaped indentation on the largest of the three shapes. Pressing it, she heard and felt a click. Suddenly, the entire wall—including the painting—pivoted about, exposing a brightly lit compartment inside, its walls covered with shelves full of artifacts and art materials.

“A panic room?” Rainbow muttered.

“More like a sexy room!” Lancie strolled in, gawking at the random bric-a-brac on the shelves around them. “Look at all this awesome junk! I bet I have three cousins and an aunt on these shelves alone!”

“Brbrbrbrbrbrrr... don't even joke about that,” Rainbow muttered. “Okay, so what's the piece of you that we're looking for? What does it look like—?” She froze, noticing a pale ponyquin to her left. It wore a flashy, multicolored dress with a flaring skirt. What's more, the shelf positioned above and behind it was covered in matching violet shades. “...okaaaaaaay. The sooner we get out of this freaky place, the better.”

“That might prove to be somewhat migraine-inducing...”

“Huh?”

Lancie pointed a stone talon forward.

Rainbow looked.

An enormous iron-black safe occupied the center of a dead-thick wall before them. An elaborate mana-powered number pad combination lock dotted the front of it, and from a distance Rainbow could hear the constant buzzing of electrical security conduits.

“You've gotta be kidding me,” Rainbow gawked. She looked at Lancie, who had a stupid grin on his face. “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-ughhhhhhhh!” Rainbow face-hoofed so hard she nearly backflipped.

Rainbow Clutz

“Well, it's definitely inside there,” Lancie said in a bored tone gesturing at the enormous safe. “So, if I were you, I'd start digging.”

“With what. My beak?!” Rainbow incredulously snarled.

“Whatever works, gurl.”

“The hay do you take me for? A griffin?”

“Don't you wanna be?”

“Dang it—nopony said anything about a friggin' safe!”

“Nopony said anything about anything, but I figured you for a pegasus who could think on her feet... even if those feet are thick, round, plasticky, and lacking in toes.”

“Lancie, no amount of headbutting is gonna make this darn thing pop open and give me the shard!”

“That isn't exactly proven, now is it...?”

“Grrrrrrr...”

Lancie paced across the brightly-lit panic room. “Time's a-waistin', Sparky. Might I suggest you do something dramatic.”

“Like what?!”

“Oh, I dunno. You're the Element of Loyalty, yes?”

“So?”

“Maybe you could use that fancy necklace of yours to—I dunno—blast a hole in the safe or something.”

“Pfffft! My Element doesn't work like that! Even if I had it, it wouldn't be of much use without the rest of the girls, and they sure as heck aren't helping me break into lock boxes belonging to other ponies whose apartments I've just broken into!”

“Awwwww... and you call them 'friends?'”

“I just gotta figure out a way to open this thing on my own.” Rainbow stepped up to the safe until her muzzle was a few inches from the numberpad. She squinted, then brought a hoof up, pressing random buttons. After only four presses, she heard an electronic razzing sound. “Huh. Okay.” She gulped. “It only takes four inputs. So... like... I gotta figure out a four digit number.”

“Really, now...?”

“Uhhhh...” Rainbow Dash brought a hoof up and pressed the keys with corresponding bleeps. “One, One, One... One.”

Razz.

“Seriously?” Lancie raised a stone eyebrow.

“Well, it's the number I would use!” Rainbow snarled.

“You're just asking to be robbed, girl.”

“Look, I wouldn't even have a Celestia-darn safe to begin with!”

“That's because your poor-flank can't even afford one!”

“Or maybe I'm not a paranoid wuss like Manehattan ponies!” Rainbow took a deep breath. “Okay... just gotta calm down and go about this patiently.” She gulped, raised her hoof again, and pressed the numberpad. “One, One, One, Two.”

Razz.

“If you go about it like that, then you'll be older than I am by the time you're done!” Lancie exclaimed.

“Well excuuuuuuuuuuuse me, poopstain!” Rainbow frowned. “I don't know who owns this thing! How can I read their head and figure out their combination?!”

“Think of something common! Something popular!”

“Uhhhh...” Rainbow fidgeted, then slapped her hoof across four buttons.

Razz.

Lancie blinked. “What's so special about 'Zero, Zero, One, Four?'”

“Ugh...” Rainbow blushed furiously. “I really shouldn't have let you seen that...”

“I've only one question.” Lancie smirked. “All at once?”

“Look, will you shut up and try to help me?”

“By doing what?”

“Anything.”

“Try 'One, Seven, Zero, One.'”

Rainbow did so, her hoof blurring.

Razz.

“What's the significance of that number anyways?” Rainbow asked with a scrunched muzzle.

“Heheheh...” Lancie chuckled. “That's the number of times I've kicked cats off of ledges.”

“Oh.” Rainbow blinked. “Huh.” She blinked again. “You kept count of that?”

“I'm more of a dog person.”

“Just how friggin' old are you anyway?”

“Oh! I know!” Lancie pointed. “'Zero, Four, Three, Two.'”

Rainbow pressed it into the numberpad.

Razz.

“The hay was that number?” she asked.

“Heheheheheheh...” Lancie hugged himself and smirked. “Princess Celestia's weight when we last spoke to one another several millennia go.”

“No...” Rainbow Dash blinked, then squinted at him. “Nooooooooooo...”

“Hey, she's a big space horse.”

“Yeah, okay, you got me there...”

“Hey, how about 'Two, One, Nine, Nine?'”

“What's that number supposed to represent?”

“The average price of half-a-dozen sticks of dynamite these days,” Lancie said with a frown. “Because neither your brain nor mine is gonna make this thing open.”

“I came here to get a stone shard,” Rainbow said with a frown. “Not a bounty on my head.”

“Well, unless your hooves can turn into drills, I'm afraid we're at a loss.”

“Dude, I was at a loss before I even spread my wings and flew to this Celestia-forsaken maretropolis!” Rainbow sighed and slumped back against the side wall of the panic room. “There's gotta be another way. If... like... I only knew who it was who owned this place... and—like—observed them in their natural habitat or something.”

“Or maybe buddied up with them.”

“Huh?”

Lancie smirked. “If the madame or sir in question has a number in their head that only they know to open this vault-thingy, then perhaps you could drop in on their lives, rub elbows with them, and get on their good side!”

“Ew. That's totally not my style.”

“And why not?”

“The only thing I'm good at doing in the spotlight is backflips, barrel rolls, and sonic rainbooms!” Rainbow frowned. “Being an actress is soooooooooo a Rarity thing.”

“Alright, then go to her for lessons!”

“Pffft. Even if the Sun and the Moon blew up, I couldn't ever possibly become that desperate.”

“You think the underworld's gonna be adopting puppies and kittens with their hooves on so many powerful stones?”

“Well... erm... buhhh...”

“Hey, I don't like it any more than you do, Sparky, but when push comes to shove...”

“Lancie, read my fuzzy lips...” Rainbow frowned at him. “I am not going to saddle up to some strange pony like a hollow coward and—” Suddenly, she froze, eyes wide.

“What? Did breakfast catch up to your pony entrails?”

“Hoofsteps...” Rainbow murmured, the very tips of her feathers flouncing. “Through the wall. Lots of them.” She gulped. “A bunch of ponies are coming home!”

“Must have been one heck of a ball game.”

“Buck!” Rainbow kicked off the wall, giving the vault one last nervous glance. “We gotta get out of here!”

“Awwwwwwww, and I was just getting used to the exquisite décor, too!”

“Lancie, I'm not kidding!” Rainbow Dash soared across the room. She turned back to frown at him. “Now move your talons! We got less than a minute at best to make this place look just like it was when we found it—” WHAM! She slammed hard into the wall—only it wasn't the wall. A giant canvas with an abstract painting of a mare shook, wobbled, and fell off its supports. The enormous painting slid down and collapsed across the floor, canvass-up.

Rainbow, in the meantime, was reeling backwards from the impact. She struck the opposite wall, knocking loose a series of shelves full of multi-colored paint cans.

“Ooof!” Rainbow winced, then gasped as two of the cans ricocheted across her flank. She plummeted forward, then slammed belly-first against the painting.

Meanwhile, the paint cans exploded all around her, sending goopy fountains of color across both her and the painting. She tried getting up, only to slip multiple times with frustrated grunts and squeaks. The mare rolled over, staining herself in a dozen places. At last, she scampered to her hooves, trotted in a random direction, bumped into a wall, backtrotted, and finally slipped off the canvas in a grunt.

“Ooomf...” Rainbow winced, clutching her head as paint dribbled off her forelimbs and muzzle. “Unnngh...”

“Seriously...” Lancie paced over to her side. “What is it with you and flying into things?”

“Who in their right mind stows away so much paint and crud inside a panic room?” Rainbow rubbed her stained head. “Were they planning to make modern art past Ragneighrok—?” She glanced straight down. “Luna's nipple!”

The once-immaculate painting was covered from top to bottom in hoofprints, feather-strokes, and pony-outlines. A haphazard mess of clashing colors and intersecting lines had permanently blemished the work of art, transforming it into something chaotic and indiscernible. What's more, it had a certain pegasus' signature written all over it.

“Crud...” Rainbow hissed, her muzzle twisting into the most hideous wince conceivable. “Megacrud...”

Just then, she heard the apartment door opening, followed by a myriad of pony voices.

She looked up, gasping with quivering eyes. “Ultracrud!”

Like a Wonder Bar

“Hey!” Lancie smirked, pointing. “What's red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet, and wet all over?”

“Not now!” Rainbow hissed, flying up above the soiled painting. Instinctively, she shook her entire coat like a wet dog. Blinking, she glanced aside and winced upon seeing the bits of paint splattered all over the walls. “Dang it!”

“You know, when you're screwed, you're really screwed.” The statue's eyes blinked as he was lifted off the floor and shoved into her saddlebag.

“When we get home... if we get home... remind me to teach you a lesson about how to be a proper motivational coach!” Rainbow zipped out of the ruined panic room. “Step One: shut your bucking mouth!”

“Whoah, there, Sparky!” Lancie wheezed, pointing back at the opened, swiveled door. “Aren't you going to close that—?”

“No friggin' time!” Rainbow soared up into the open air conditioning vent, shimmed inside, and slammed the grate shut behind her.

Literal milliseconds later, bodies shuffled across the apartment floor below. Rainbow was too busy trying to catch her breath amidst her sweat and the liberal smell of paint fumes to get a firm look through the grate. All she knew was that one petite and brightly-colored body was being followed by several large and dark-suited bodies.

“Now might be a good time for the shimmy-shimmy,” Lancie whispered.

“Shhhh!” Rainbow covered his tiny stone muzzle with a hoof. Holding her breath, she craned her head and a twitching ear towards the grate.

“Vat has happened hier?” a thickly accented voice stammered. “Liebe Güte! Eine krimminelle has turned mein shtudio into a mountain of garbage!”

“It does look like a break-in, ma'am. We're checking it out as we speak. Hey! Joe! Go downstairs and check with reception! How could anypony have gotten in here...?”

“Zis no longer a kwestion of how! But who!” A hoof stamped against the apartment floor. “Looken sie at ze laughing stock zey have made of mein shtatues!”

“Uhm... Your statues look virtually untouched, ma'am. Aside from a few hoof prints in the dust.”

“But es war beautivul und artistik dust! It gafe karacter to ze overall framework! But you? Ach! You know nosink! Away with ze krimminelle findink!”

“Er... yes ma'am...”

A stallion's voice shouted from the other side of the apartment. “The Panic Room! It's been broken into!”

“Vas?!” A petite set of hooves galloped briskly across the apartment. “Showen sie me!” Her voice echoed from inside the chamber. “Ohhhhh... Ich fühle mich nicht wohl...”

“It's not a pretty sight, ma'am. Still, whoever did this to your artwork didn't get access to your safe, from the way it looks.”

Rainbow Dash clenched her eyes shut. She took several deep breaths.

“...ma'am? Is... is everything alright?”

“Das... ist... wunderbar!”

Rainbow's eyes popped wide.

From below, the stallion's voice stammered, “Uhhhhhh... ma'am?”

“I shose to hide sis garis travesty inside sis hollow because I vas ashaaaamed of et! Schau! Now et has been improved! Safed srough scheer post-modern aessetics alone!”

“Uhm... ma'am? It's covered all over in globs of paint. This is clearly a case of vandalism, not to mention breaking and entering.”

“Ja... ja... but a necessary efil, I say! Just so zat sis beautiful expresschion could come to pass. Ach! I feel faint! Somepony fetchen sie und chair!”

“What...” Rainbow muttered aloud. “...in the buck?”

“Well, if that isn't a gift from the heavens?” Lancie stuck his head in and murmured into her ear. “Seems like you turned from a criminal into a saint within a blink?”

“Uhm...”

“You should hop back down there!” He shoved at her head. “Take a bow for all the paint you've spilled!”

“Nope. Uh uh.”

“Why not—ulmmmf!” His eyes crossed as she placed a wet hoof over his stone face.

“Because...” She grimaced as she began shuffling backwards. “...I think I know who she is.” She gulped. “And she might know me...”

Take a Photo, It'll Last Longer

“Photo Finish?!” Lancie made a grimacing stone face. “Is that the name of a pony or a stag film?”

“A pony,” Rainbow said, trotting in circles beneath a leaking water tower atop a thirty-story apartment building. She rinsed her mane and feathers, shaking in an effort to rid herself of every crusty paint stain. “And a very, very annoying one at that.”

“Considering your tolerance level, I find that distressing.”

“Good. Because this is a totally distressful situation.” Rainbow doused her head, tossed her wet mane back, and peered across the starlit towers of Manehattan. “About half a year ago, Photo Finish showed up in Ponyville, and she nearly tore a fresh manure hole in Fluttershy's and Rarity's relationship.”

“Did you witness this personally?”

“Well...” Rainbow fidgeted. “No. Not really. But she and I crossed paths.”

“How?”

“Fluttershy was modeling for a bunch of different things for a while there. Like—no joke—she was pretty much super famous. So, when I found out that she needed somepony to fly a sky banner of her advertising Fillydelphian Carrot Juice, I volunteered. Anything to help out a friend, ya dig?”

“I left my shovel at home.”

“Anyway, I had to go through Photo Finish first. Seems like the photographer was acting like Fluttershy's friggin' agent. Heck, for all I know, maybe she was. The dang mare kept fussing with the banner that I was tying to my tail, making sure that 'the magics' or some crap were captured just right. I was all, 'Lady, just chillax and let me do the zip-around thing.' And that was the last time I saw her. No doubt she hates my guts.”

“Or she's too busy with glitter and glamor to care.”

“Right. But—come on, dude—she's a photographer!” Rainbow rolled her eyes and slumped wetly against an air conditioning unit. “There's no way she'd forget a face.”

“I think you're just being an anxious blue screen of adeathableness once again.” Lancie paced towards her on tiny stone feet. “You heard the mare when she stumbled in on your artistic defecation!” He pointed across the glittering maretropolis. “For whatever reason, she was moved to tears! Accented tears! I can't even pretend to understand what's possessed her to love you, girl, but she loves you, girl!”

“Uh uh. That mare is a nutcase.” Rainbow frowned. “She probably doesn't know what she's saying in two languages half the time!”

“You know this because...?”

“Believe me. Rarity's told me plenty.”

Lancie tapped his fang with a talon and smirked. “Is this the same fashionista with the voice of a vampire and the narrative subtlety of a burning goat?”

“Yeah, well, Fluttershy vouches for all of it.” Rainbow folded her forelimbs with a frown. “And so I believe it.”

“Sometimes I think you have a crush on the wrong pony...”

“Don't push it, bub.”

“Heh heh heh...”

Rainbow sighed, standing up. “I gotta face the truth. I'm lucky as heck. We got out of that studio apartment unscathed. If she got one look at me and attached it to the break-in—”

“I still think she would have accepted you in open forelimbs.”

“Yeah, and what of the friggin' security that was there with her?” Rainbow exclaimed, her muzzle agape. “Once she had burned out on her eccentric ways, they would have hoof-cuffed me and carted me off to Manehattan jail! And I'm willing to bet that's the smelliest jail there is!”

“Pffft. After what you just been through? Your cellmates woulda just huffed your mane and collapsed with a smile on their muzzles.”

“Please, you're not helping...”

“Sparky, I'm trying to!” Lancie gestured dramatically. “I'm telling you that you should go back, kiss-up to that mare, and get on her good side!”

“And what in the hay is that going to accomplish?”

“If anypony knows the combination to that safe, it's her.” He punched his stone fist. “Winning that photographer's confidence could mean learning the combination. Learning the combination could mean opening the safe. Opening the safe could mean getting my shard back... and getting my shard back means adding a metaphysical spit-shine to the mare-of-your-dreams! Don't you get it, Sparky?! Win-Win-Win!”

“Where's the third 'Win' come from?”

“Photosynthesis, of course!”

“Photo Finish.”

“Whatever. If you ask me, what with that whole paintjob kerfluffle, you're halfway there! So what's stopping you?!” Lancie thrusted his pelvis towards the building's edge. “Take flight, already!”

Rainbow stared out at the cityscape. She took a long breath, her ears folding.

“No,” she said.

“Nnnnngh!” Lancie stomped his foot. “And why not?”

“What I just did is technically a crime.” Rainbow turned to glare at him. “And returning to the scene of that crime is the worst idea in a long list of bad ideas. If I wanna get in that safe, now, I gotta do it in a way I'm not used to.”

“Handsomely?”

“Patiently,” Rainbow grunted. “Right now? I'm soaking wet. I'm tired. It's time to go home.”

“To P-Ponyville?!”

“No, to Ponycoat Junction.” Rainbow gripped him by the neck and shoved him into her saddlebag. “What do you think?!” She spread her wings. “If I go now, I can make it there before sunrise.”

“Sparky, I'm telling you, there's no need to complicate this!” Lancie hung onto her saddlebag for dear life. “We gotta go back to Foo Fighter's apartment now and get it over with!”

“No! I am not ending up in jail! I've got enough on my plate without having to slip that under my belt again.”

“Wait...” Lancie squinted. “Did you just say 'again—'?”

“And stop poking me over Photo Finish!” Rainbow frowned as she glided off the rooftop. “Right now, she's the last thing I want to hear myself talking about.”

Rainbow downed the mug of cider, exhaled, and slapped it onto the table top. “So... any of you mares know a pony named Photo Finish?”

“No,” Caramel said.

“Nope.” Bon Bon shook her head.

“Why, should I?” Lyra yawned, hoofing through a magazine full of musical instruments. “She bombed any schools lately?”

“Lyra...” Bon Bon sighed.

“What?” Lyra shrugged. “Heck, if I was foaled with a name like that, I'd wanna take it out on society too.”

“Unngh...”

“Why you ask, Rainbow?” Caramel looked across the bar table, his eyes bright. “Sounds like a photographer. Did you break another flight record or something?”

“Er... no...” Rainbow bit her lip, fiddling with the lid of her empty mug. “I... uh... I j-just hear that she's big in fashion and I wanted to know more about her.”

All three ponies stared across the table at her.

“... ... ... ...right,” Lyra said.

“Don't look at me like that!” Rainbow frowned. “It's genuine curiosity!”

“I've never known you to be a curious mare, Rainbow,” Bon Bon said with an amused grin. “You live a life that doesn't slow down for answers.”

“Heh... damn straight.” Rainbow smirked—then lightly slapped herself, shaking her head. “Brbrbrbbrb—anyways... back to Photo Finish.” She gestured. “So I hear that she owns some bigflank studio apartment up in the high rise buildings of Manehattan.”

“Yeah...” Lyra flipped a magazine page. “...so?”

“So, how exactly does a photographer earn enough to afford such a place? Manehattan apartments don't come cheap.”

“Maybe she takes photos for the government?” Bon Bon mused.

“Mmmmm...” Lyra smirked evilly. “Or photos behind the government's bedroom doors.”

“Would she really earn money by blackmail?”

“Heck, I'd give her an apartment like that as a consolation prize for having the balls.”

“Photo Finish is a mare's name, Lyra.”

“I stand by what I said.”

Just then, Vinyl Scratch trotted up. “Sorry I was gone for so long, guys. What are we talking about? Blackmail and balls?”

“Business as usual,” Bon Bon droned.

“Cool beans.”

Caramel scooted out. “Here. I saved your seat for you, Vinyl.”

“Thanks, Cici.” Vinyl sat down once again to her music sheets. “You're such a gentlec—” She winced. “Er... y-you know what I mean.”

“Heehee...” Caramel sat back beside her. “It's quite alright.”

“What if... like...” Rainbow thought out loud, fumbling slightly. “...I had a very important mission to do...”

“What kind of mission?” Bon Bon asked.

“A mission for... uhhh... the Elements of Harmony!” Rainbow smiled nervously. “A Harmonic Mission!”

“Sounds stupid.” Lyra glanced sharply over the periodical. “I'm listening.”

“And for this Mission to be done—for the good of all of Equestria—I required, like, a truly badass photographer. Perhaps the most badass photographer in all the land.”

“Uh huh...”

“Who would I have to contact to find such a pony?”

“Well, that's a very daunting question, Rainbow Dash,” Bon Bon said. “But that's not the issue at hoof.”

“Huh?”

“I mean, you already have your heart and mind set on this Photo Finish character, so why bother looking elsewhere?”

“Because nopony but me seems to know who she is!” Rainbow exclaimed.

“Who, Photo?” Vinyl murmured while sketching on a number sheet. “I've met her several times. What's up?”

Rainbow did a double-take. Her eyes blinked as she leaned across the table. “You... know Photo Finish?”

“Pffft. Who in the night scene doesn't?” Vinyl glanced up, her shades glinting. “I've deejayed at several of her celebrity parties.”

“You have?”

“Yeah. Heck... I've got another gig with her coming up a week from now. Manehattan, come to think of it.”

Rainbow stared, gawking.

“What are you looking at me like that far?” Vinyl's brow furrowed. Suddenly, her ears folded. “Ah jeez... is this about the port-a-potties I knocked over at Burning Mare?”

Dash for Success

“How long have you known Photo Finish?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Well, it's not so much that I've known her, Rainbow,” Vinyl said. “We're business acquaintances. I perform for many of her celebrity parties and she promotes my work with photographs, posters, and films.”

The two stood outside the bar as it was closing. The neon lights flickered off and lonely ponies wandered across the night-drenched village in slumbering serpentine directions.

“But, even still, you bump into her a lot?” Rainbow remarked.

“Well, yeah. I brush elbows with a lot of famous ponies, Rainbow. You've always known that. You've just never bothered to care before.”

“Well, it's not that I care, really, but...”

“But what?”

“I... I-I'm in a bit of a bind right now,” Rainbow said. “And for some very important reason, I gotta meet Photo Finish face to face.”

“Why not just write her?” Vinyl asked. “Or fly off to her apartment in Manehattan? She's a lot friendlier than you might think.”

“I... I-I can't do it like that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I just can't, okay?” Rainbow winced. “Look, this is... like... a secret mission of some sort.”

Vinyl raised her shades and squinted a pair of magenta eyes. “Secret... mission...”

“Yeah... uhm... Elements of Harmony, stuff.” She smiled awkwardly. “Didn't the other guys tell you about it?”

Vinyl stared at her. Slowly, her lips curved. “Hmmm...” She lowered her shades and folded her forelimbs. “Rainbow, you know me. I am many things... the least of which is stupid.”

Rainbow winced.

“If you don't want to tell me why you gotta meet up with Ms. Finish so badly, that's cool. I can live with it. You're something of a private mare, despite all your showboating. I totally appreciate that—I hope you know. It means you know how to work a crowd while—at the same time—being true to just yourself and yourself alone. Flakey ponies really bother the heck out of me, so don't be like one of them. Don't lie to me.”

“I... uh... I-I'm sorry,” Rainbow said. She bit her lip and looked up. “Do you really want to know what all of this is about?”

“Honestly?” Vinyl shrugged and began walking across town. “No.”

Rainbow blinked. She eagerly fluttered after her. “No...?”

“You're my friend, Rainbow. Whatever it is that you've got to do in the Big City, I trust you. After all, you've become a pretty incredible pegasus these last few years. You've got a whole bunch of new and slightly less-messed-up friends...”

“Heh... yeah, okay...”

“...all in all, you're far from the pegasus who dangled from Listing Breeze's noose.”

“Mmmmm...” Rainbow bit her lip, glancing aside. “All of that is behind me.”

“Right. And since we both know it, that's what makes it all the better.” Vinyl smirked at her. “Whatever you have your heart set on these days, I have full faith in it.”

“Thanks, Vinyl. You're truly, truly awesome.”

“Yeah, well, don't let it get around too much. I've still got this 'rebel bard' persona to maintain.”

“How's that remix of Red Bucker Black going?”

“Don't change the subject.”

“Sorry.”

“S'all good.” Vinyl cleared her throat. “This party I'm gonna be deejaying at is a week from now—at the Paint Bucket Flat in downtown Manehattan.”

Rainbow's brow furrowed. “It's not inside Photo Finish's apartment?”

“Oh, she has those all the time, but they're usually a lot less contemporary and a lot more posh. Totally not my kind of scene, ya dig?”

“Sure, I dig.”

“Anyways, it's a gathering of wealthy ponies and local celebrities. Lots of standing around, sipping cider, looking at weird-ass works of art. That sort of stuff. I can definitely get you in, but it won't be easy...”

“Well, for the love of Celestia, Vinyl, don't do anything that you'll lose your head over!”

“Oh, I didn't mean it won't be easy for me,” Vinyl said. “It's you who I'm worried about.”

“Me?” Rainbow blinked. “Why?”

“This isn't some party at Sugarcube Corner or a hoe-down at Sweet Apple Acres. Casual as it may be, this is still a high-end cocktail party. And—well—no offense, Rainbow, but you're not exactly elegant. At least not outside.”

“Hah! Nuts to you!” Rainbow grinned. “It so happens that I've actually stumbled upon a dress just recently! So, if you ask me, I'm totally prepared!”

“Oh... really?”

“Pffft! Chtyeaaaaaah!” Rainbow began flying towards her house. “Sweet! We've got this in the bag! I'll meet you again next night over cider to talk about arrangements—”

“If you're talking about something made by the same pony who gave you that flouncing Gala number, then you're doomed.”

Rainbow stopped in midair and glanced down. “Huh?”

“That's what I'm talking about, Rainbow,” Vinyl said, shaking her head with a sigh. “If you wanna blend in at this party—much less shake hooves with Photo Finish without her instantly throwing up on you—then you have to dress right!”

Rainbow touched back down in front of Vinyl. “Err... which way is right in this case?”

“That's the hard part. There's no accurate way to simply guess. These events of Ms. Finish's? Many crash and burn and some ponies never get noticed at all. You gotta be modern, but not too plain. Creative, but not too avante-garde. Striking, but not too flamboyant.”

“Uhhhhh...” Rainbow winced. “Does not compute.”

“My point exactly.” Vinyl waved and trotted off. “I'm still up for getting you in to the Paint Bucket Flat, Rainbow. But all I'm good at is spinning disks. I love ya like a sister, but all that fashion nonsense? Pffft... you're on your own, unless you happen to know a pony who can give you way better advice than I can.”

Rainbow stood alone. She blinked a few times, then recoiled with a grimace. “Ah, jeez...”

Ding-a-ling...!

“Comiiiiiing! Welcome to Carousel Boutique!” Rarity trotted gaily across the morning sunlight glittering through the window. “Where every garment is chic, unique, and magnefique!” She gazed up, then stopped in place with a dainty hoof raised. “Why... Rainbow! What brings you here?”

“Uhhhhhh...” The pegasus gulped. “I, uhhhhhhhh...”

“Are you enjoying that exquisite gown that I made for you?” Rarity asked. She trotted over and smiled in the pegasus' face. “Oh, what delicious bonding time we enjoyed!” A melodramatic sigh. “If only you desired a dress every week.” She trotted off to her sewing machines. “I would make a dozen gowns for every hue of your mane.”

“You... w-would...” Rainbow gulped again. “Wouldn't you?”

“Mmmmhmmmm. But, alas, I fantasize too often.” Rarity stood before the machine and began fastening seams together. “What brings you into my shop today?”

“I... uh... well...”

“Do spit it out, darling. You'll choke on your own words at this rate.”

“Funny you should... say the things that you've said...” Rainbow put on a plastic smile. “Because I kind of need another dress.”

Rarity froze. The machine shut off as she slowly swiveled her head to face Rainbow.

Rainbow's lips twitched. “A different dress...”

Rarity's pupils enlarged to the point of sparkling. “Can it be true...?” She zipped over to Rainbow, gripping the mare's shoulders while grinning wildly. “He approved of the dress?” An inward squeal. “The stallion of your dream wants another?”

“Rarity, how many times do I have to say—” Rainbow's words cut off.

Rarity was beaming, electrified, her horn practically sparkling.

Rainbow winced heavily. Her lungs nearly collapsed in saying it. “Yes... er... yes.” A heavy gulp. “But my... uh... sp-special somepony needs another.” Gritting teeth. “Cocktail... party... st-style?”

“Eeee-hee-hee-hee-hee!” Rarity hopped up and down in place. “Oh, this is just fabulous! You're in love and becoming cultured! Oh, what an exquisite week! I simply must get started on this! The other projects will have to wait!” She galloped off, magically tugging Rainbow behind her. “You'll never stop thanking me for this!”

“Eheh...” Rainbow wheezed, sliding limply after her. “Here's hoping you'll never stop forgiving me...”

Fashion Montage (Woosh!)

“A week from now?” Rarity remarked, blinking. She turned to the side, tapping her chin in thought. “Oh dear...”

“It's totally sudden. I know.” Rainbow winced slightly. “To tell you the truth, I didn't think I'd be attending something like this until the last second. I knew you and only you could whip up something... er... magical.”

“Indeed I can.” Rarity's lips curved. “And I tend to work best when under adversity, so there's absolutely no need to apologize.” She fought the urge to giggle. “We've got an entire week to make this happen! So let's get to it!”

“Okay...”

“I already have your measurements thanks to the last gown I made you. You say this is going to be a relatively informal affair?”

“Er, no, nothing glittery or super fancy.”

Rarity laughed airily. “That's what 'informal' means, darling.”

“Really?” Rainbow's muzzle twisted. “I thought that mean being 'in' formal.”

“You said it was a simple cocktail party?”

“Yeah. In the big city.”

“Ooooh! Where are you being taken to, hmmm? Fillydephia? Las Pegasus?”

“Just know that they'll be showing off a lot of art and... er... playing modern techno there.”

“Ahhhhhh... I see. A contemporaneous soiree.”

“Yeah. One of those.”

“I have the perfect image in my head right now.” Rarity smiled across the Boutique. “But, alast, I can't dream up absolutely everything on my own. You have to help me dear.”

“Ew. I do?” Rainbow grimaced. “How?”

“Well, what's his fancy, darling?”

“Huh...?”

“Hmmmm... What does your significant other like best on you?”

Rainbow bit her lip. “Uhhhhhhhhm...”

Rainbow Dash and Vinyl Scratch stood at the bar counter, grabbing their mugs before joining the rest of their friends at the table.

“All I know about Photo Finish's taste is that she wants to be dressed the loudest in the room at all times,” Vinyl said.

“Excuse me?” Rainbow squinted. “How can a dress make sound?”

Vinyl rolled her eyes beneath her shades and smirked. “I mean she wants to be the most colorful, outrageous, and flamboyant-looking in her gown. It's her way of making a statement, I guess.”

“Ew.” Rainbow shuddered. “I don't wanna do flamboyant.”

“Well, you're in luck!” Vinyl grasped her mug of cider as it was placed on the counter. “Photo won't give you so much as a glance unless you're wearing something under the radar.”

“Like... how under the radar?”

“Something simple. Something that doesn't try to draw too much attention. Something reminiscent of a blank canvas.” Vinyl took a sip, swallowed, and gestured. “Heck, almost everypony in her personal entourage wears solid colors.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Totally. And she really has a thing for monochromatic designs.”

“Mono... chromatic...?”

“Heh...” Vinyl fluffed Rainbow's bangs with her magic. “Not something you can comprehend, I know.” She cleared her throat. “I mean neutral colors, einstallion. Blacks. Whites. Grays. That sort of thing.”

Rainbow hovered alongside Rarity as they shuffled down a line of shelves with various silk fabrics.

“So... we'll be needing something—like—solid.” Rainbow gulped. “A solid color, I mean. Nothing crazy with a bunch of patterns or whatnot.”

“Oh, but of course!” Rarity grinned. “I whole-heartedly agree! That's why I made you that snow white ballgown in the first place! Your colors speak for your beauty through-and-through, darling. It would be a shame to try and make you something that would undermine that by showing off too much.”

“Uh huh...”

“Hmmm...” Rarity rubbed her chin and stared at the wrack. “But what to start you out with...”

“That white gown thingy was pretty cool. Maybe you could do a less... nnngh... fluffy version of that?”

“Oh, Rainbow, please...” Rarity waved a hoof. “A good artist never repeats herself.” She grinned, levitating several dark silks off the shelves. “This event is going to take place at night, yes?”

“Sure thing.”

“A vogue gathering under moonlight with glittering city lights in the background.” Rarity fought an inner squeal. “And in through the door walks a piece of the rainbow! Oh, I just know this is going to steal the air out of everypony's lungs!” She happily skipped across the Boutique. “We just need an elegant manestyle to complement what I have in mind!”

Rainbow's eyes bulged from where she hovered. “An elegant... hairstyle...?”

“But I don't understand, Rainbow...” Fluttershy blinked from across the cottage. “Why the sudden interest in Photo Finish?”

“It's not so much that I'm interested in her,” Rainbow said with a shrug. “A co-worker and I are... uhhh... having an argument over what that mare digs the most in manestyles.”

“Oh no! I hate arguments!”

Rainbow rolled her eyes and smiled placatingly. “It's not that kind of an argument, Fluttershy. Please, just help me out here.” She flew closer to the mare. “When you modeled for her, what did she like doing to your mane the most?”

“Well... I-I never really did like all of the fame that she attracted me,” Fluttershy said, rubbing her hooves nervously together. “And I've tried to put all of those days behind.” She gulped. “Still... erm... if I recall, she and her fashion stylists usually braided my mane in several places and gave it lift.” Her eyes twitched. “Oh! And I do remember Photo Finish having a thing for hairbands...”

“Hairbands?” Rarity winced slightly. “Rainbow, are you sure that's what he wants?”

“Heh...” Rainbow shrugged, trying not to sweat. “You know what they say. 'The quickest way to a stallion's heart is... th-through his stomach... a-and his fashion sense.'” She gulped.

“Well, most certainly, but a hairband would work on a pony with much fuller hair. Like Fluttershy, for instance.”

“Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.” Rainbow grinned plastically. “You don't say...”

“However...” Rarity trotted closely around Rainbow, staring at her bangs. “Hmmm... yes... yes... most definitely.” She smiled. “I do think I have the most splendid idea!” She levitated two straight edges between them and angled the things so that they “framed” Rainbow Dash's muzzle from where Rarity was looking. “Oh, Celestia, spare me! It'll look like a crescent moon sending a prism of light through a rainy evening!”

“Err...” Rainbow gritted her teeth. “You're remembering not to over do it, right?”

“Have some more faith in me, Rainbow Dash.” Rarity winked, then tugged the pegasus back towards the modeling room. “I am the veritable mistress of subtlety.”

Rainbow did her best not to gag.

Fashion Montage (Woosh?)

“So you're going for a classy look, huh?” Vinyl Scratch nodded across the table. “That's good. Photo hates any pony dressed in a skirt that's shorter than her attention span.”

“Which is a weird thing,” Rainbow muttered into her mug of cider. “Considering we're all friggin' naked all the time. I mean... what's the deal with parties like this?”

Lyra finished drinking, belched, and squinted. “I've got an even better question. What the Hell are you guys talking about?”

“It's a cultural trend, Rainbow,” Vinyl said. “I can't pretend to explain it. Heck, I'm not even that much of a fan myself. But hey... the night scene is all about playing by these different rules, and if it makes my listeners happy, then I'm happy to play along.”

“You know what? Forget it.” Lyra slid out of their booth and trotted up to the bar for a refill. “I don't even care. Friggin' wyrdos...”

Bon Bon giggled. She smiled at Rainbow Dash. “Sounds like somepony's about to bump elbows with high class.”

“Eh... don't rub it in,” Rainbow muttered. “I'm close to vomiting over this charade as it is. I had to stand for two hours in a dress today. Biggest waste of time in my whole life.”

“You do realize that dressing for the part is only half of it,” Vinyl said. “You're going to want to smell good as well.”

“Unnnngh... come on!” Rainbow slumped back in her seat, moaning. “Seriously?”

Vinyl shrugged. “At least at Photo's parties. Some big kerfluffle over having the nostrils clean in order to appropriately enjoy 'ze magiks.'”

“What am I going to have to do?” Rainbow frowned. “Roll through flowers for an hour before the party?”

“Nothing quite that extravagant, Rainbow, I'm sure,” Bon Bon stated. “Just something more fragrant than your fair.”

Rainbow glared at her. “Excuse me?”

“Erm...” Bon Bon leaned back, ears folded. Through a nervous smile, she sputtered, “N-not that there's anything wrong w-with the rusty aroma of thunderstorm and rain spritz!”

Rainbow blinked. She lifted her forelimb, sniffed herself, then squinted at the rest of the table. “Are you guys pulling my leg?”

“Nothing to be offended over,” Vinyl said. “You've just gotta step it up a notch for this sort of a thing.”

“Like what kind of a notch?”

“Wish I could help you there,” Vinyl said with a shrug. “All I know is that Photo Finish likes to feel calm and relaxed at all times.”

“Oh! I know!” Caramel spoke up, smiling from his side of the table. “How about a tiny touch of lavender?”

Vinyl's muzzle scrunched. “This is going to be a party in the big city, not a foal's nursery.”

Caramel winced slightly, then brightened. “Oh! I know! Jasmine works wonders!”

“Oh, of course!” Bon Bon smiled over at Rainbow Dash. “It's used all the time in aromatherapy.”

“Aroma-what-now?”

“Absolutely guaranteed to be soothing,” Caramel said, cooing to himself as he rested his chin on a pair of forelimbs. “Not to mention it makes you feel instantly beautiful...”

“Ughhhhh...” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Pass.”

“I dunno, Rainbow,” Vinyl said in a muttering tone while she sketched across her music sheets. “Sounds like you have a winner there...”

Rainbow Dash bit her lip, wings twitching as she stared daggers through the bar room table.

“Rarityyyyy!” Rainbow hissed, glancing left and right from under a thick, thick cloak. “Hurry up! We should have been there by now!”

“Honestly, Rainbow Dash.” Rarity skipped gaily along. Despite the rambling protests of her companion, she smiled pleasantly. “You're making this out to be a far bigger ordeal than it needs to me. And coming from a mare such as myself... hmmm-hmmm... that means something.”

“I just don't want anypony to see me!” Rainbow said, stifling a groan as she glanced nervously at the building faces and pedestrians of Ponyville. “I swear! I'll be the laughing stock of the entire town!”

“Please, fear not. Nopony is going to see you! Well... aside from the three or four mares who will be pampering you left and right... and the receptionist in the front room... oh, and me, of course.” She giggled daintily, her cheeks red.

“Unnnnnghhhhhhhhhhhh...!”

“Now enough of that moaning!” Rarity trotted up to the front door of Aloe and Lotus' spaw and opened it for the cloaked pegasus. “There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! Now trot inside and—I swear as your generous and loving friend—you shall be made into a whole new mare!”

Rainbow's pupils shrank to the size of pinpricks. “On second thought... eheheh...” She spun about and spread her wings. “Ichangedmymindokaybye.”

“Rainbow Dash!” Rarity anchored the pony's whole body in a translucent field of blue magic. “You've entrusted me in making you dress and smell your finest for this soiree, and I shan't let your inane little phobias get in the way of making this coming evening be the absolute most romantic thing that you and your coltfriend could ever experience.” She trotted inside with a smirk, tugging Rainbow alive. “Now, don't make a scene. And if you start squirming—fear not—I've devised the proper way to restrain you.”

“Hey! Knock it off! I said I changed my mind!” Rainbow fought and squirmed helplessly. “Rrrgh! Darn it! Lemme go ya friggin' vampire—!” Her cracking voice was silenced by the door slamming shut behind them.

“Saaaaaaaaay...” Vinyl Scratch lowered her shades. “Did a new flower shop open that I don't know about?”

“Knock it off,” Rainbow grumbled. She floated airily before the mare as Vinyl sat in a park bench. The sun glinted in bright sparkling swirls off Rainbow's freshly shampooed coat and mane. “I'm not exactly enjoying this.”

“You gonna sit down and relax at some point?”

“I can't,” Rainbow sighed. “Rarity's ordered me not to 'dirty myself' by making hoof contact with the ground for two days.”

“Yeeesh... why go put yourself through all this, girl? Are you really that much of a glutton for punishment?”

“Just answer my question already,” Rainbow grunted. “How does one strike up a conversation with Photo Finish?”

“Usually, one doesn't,” Vinyl said, flipping through a book of music theory in the afternoon sunlight. “She chooses who to talk to and when and where to strike up a conversation.”

“Okaaaaaaaaaaay...” Rainbow fought the urge to sneeze, her nose drowning in several floral scents and bathwash. “So, assuming I'm lucky enough to have a chat with her, what do I do to get on her good side?”

“She's an art freak.”

“Meaning?”

“You gotta be an art freak too,” Vinyl said, flipping another page. “Guess I shoulda told you that part from the beginning. If you wanna get anywhere in a conversation with Photo Finish—if you wanna steal her crazy-fleeting attention at all—then you gotta be super-well-versed in modernist and post-modernist aesthetics.”

“Buh?”

“Art crap.” Vinyl glanced up. “You gotta be proficient in art crap.”

“How?” Rainbow pointed at herself. “You do know who you're talking to, right?”

Vinyl sniffed the air, blinked, and smirked. “Honestly, I don't anymore...”

“Grrrr... Vinylllll...”

“Sorry, girl. You're on your own.” Page flip. “Maybe... go read a book?”

Rainbow tapped her chin in thought. She looked into the distance... then eventually winced.

“Wow!” Twilight Sparkle trotted across the front room, grinning felicitously. “It suddenly smells wonderful in here!” She called across the library. “Spiiiiike? Did you open up a window just now?”

“Twilight, please, you gotta help me,” Rainbow said. “I need to fill my brains up with as much stuff about modern and post-modern art as possible, and I haven't got much time!”

“Oh... uhm...” Twilight blinked up at her. “Really?”

“Yeah, really.”

“What brought this on?”

“Er...” Rainbow fidgeted, hovering off the ground with her scented hooves. “Uhhh... c-call it a friendly dare.”

“You and Pinkie up to a bunch of silly hijinks again?”

“Sure. Why not.”

“Well, thankfully, I have a whole section devoted to contemporary art.” Twilight floated several tomes off a top shelf. “I even have the latest edition of the periodical 'Horse Expression Monthly!'”

“Twilight... for real...” Rainbow gestured towards the floating items. “None of this is gonna do! You seriously expect me to read all of this crud in just a day and a half?”

“Why just a day in a half?”

“It's not possible, I tell ya!”

“Well, it's really the best I can suggest for you, Rainbow,” Twilight said. “I mean... heehee... this is a library.”

“Do you have any... any way that I can cram information into my head a bit faster than...” Rainbow shuddered. “...reading?”

“Hmmmm...” Twilight grinned devilishly. “There's always been one tried-and-true method that's worked for me without fail.”

“Yeah? What's that?” Rainbow blinked. Suddenly, she blanched. “Wait...”

Twilight hopped towards a desk. “The only solution to any studying bind...”

“Wait wait wait—on second thought—”

“...that's come through for me at the last second on many countless occasions!”

“—please, Twilight, anything but—”

Twilight spun around, fanning out several paper sheets while sporting a grin so big her eyes had to close. “Flash cards!”

“Aaaaaaaaaaughhhh!” Rainbow pulled at her jasmine-scented mane.

Rainbow hovered upside down in the middle of her bedroom, staring at a series of hastily scribbled words on white cards.

“'When Picassoats first unveiled La Gallopica at the First Prance Exhibition of the Neo-Classical Era, several critics of the art community were initially appalled, which led to the mural's dwindling into obscurity until a renewed interest in impressionistic art designs brought the masterpiece back to the public light a decade later...'”

“Uhhh...” Lancie shuffled up, raising a stone talon in the air. “Can I take the physical challenge?”

“Unnngh... knock it off, will ya?” Rainbow laid the cards on her fuzzy chest and rubbed her eyes. “I'm trying to study here...”

“With only a day and a half left?” Lancie gestured. “Don't you head out to the place tomorrow evening?”

“Ungh... did this stupid week fly by that quickly?”

“Yeah...” Lancie smirked. “Almost makes you wish a wicked rock ballad was playing in the background all this time.”

“Whatever.” Rainbow stifled a yawn. “It's too late for me to look back now.”

“I still don't see why we can't fetch a tank from someplace and just knock the high rise down. Surely the safe would pop open from such duress.”

“We've been over this,” Rainbow grunted. “I'm not going to do anything that'll get me in trouble.”

“But you're still gonna try and kiss the hoof of the illustrious Ms. Finish, are you not?” He folded his stone arms. “How do you plan to make her forget who and what you look like? She is a photographer, after all.”

“Believe me, Lancie.” She glanced down at him. “I'm going to go out of my way to make sure I am not myself for as long as I'm around her.” A sigh, and she flipped through her notecards again. “It's a tough job, but if it'll get me the shard, then I gotta do it.”

“Well, I'll be sure to help you every step of the way!” Lancie smirked, pumping a fist. “You won't be alone in this charade, my dear Sparky!”

“Actually, I will.”

“Huh?”

“You can't come along for this one. Sorry, pal, but you're staying home.”

“What for?! You need a wingman in your saddlebag for this!”

“I'm dressing light. I won't be bringing a saddlebag.” Rainbow sighed heavily. “Besides, it's not like you can...” Her words morphed into an indecipherable mumble.

“What was that?”

“It's not like you can...” She mumbled again.

He leaned forward, cupping his talon around a stone ear. “I beg your pardon?”

She huffed, finally blurting: “You can't fit inside a purse!”

Lancie blinked. He shook... snorted... then fell over, kicking his legs as he laughed violently.

“Unnnnngh...” Rainbow face-hoofed, frowning when she was rewarded with the pungent fragrance of jasmine.

Get This Party Started

“Alright...” Rarity licked her lips as the did the finishing touches on the multicolored threads of Rainbow's mane. “I do believe I am about ready.”

“You sure about that? I think my neck is about to snap.”

“That's your own fault for being to stiff and rigid, dear. You should relax. No need for such tension!”

“Easy for you to say.”

“Trust me, darling. The first date is always the most awkward. Things can only go uphill from now on. Or in your case, upwind.” Rarity suppressed a giggle.

“I'm not sure that analogy means what you think it means...”

“Oh hush.” Rarity leaned back. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaand...” She gently pivoted Rainbow towards a mirror inside the Boutique. “Voila.”

A pair of ruby eyes twitched at the pegasus' reflection.

“Mmmm!” Rarity clamped her jaw tight, holding in a delightful squeal. A pair of dainty hooves crossed before her muzzle as she cracked a grin. “What do you think?” she blurted in a high-pitched voice. “Is it not the absolute finest masterpiece of a makeover ever?”

“It... uhhh...” Rainbow took a deep breath. “It sure is something...”

“If you think you're stunned silent, just imagine him!”

“Yeah... eh heh heh heh... imagine him...”

“Ooh! Time is of the essence! Your arrangement is tonight, is it not?”

“Right. I guess I'd better get going. Thanks a bunch, Rarity.”

“Oh, you shan't be flying there in that! Allow me to call you a coach—”

“Nah, Rarity. You've done enough. More than enough.”

“But I insist!”

There was a loud honking outside the Boutique.

“Actually,” Rainbow Dash said, “It's kinda sorta been taken care of already...”

“Oh...?”

Four stallions galloped across the Bucklyn Bridge, drawing a coach into the glittering vestiges of Manehattan Isle just as the sun set. Inside, Vinyl Scratch sat across from Rainbow Dash.

“The dudes are gonna drop me off at the rear of the building where all of my equipment is,” Vinyl said. “But I've told them to come around to the front entrance afterward to let you disembark in style. There'll be a bit of a scene, but that's normal. Lots of famous ponies shuffle up to enter the Paint Bucket Flat to let the media know it.”

“M-media?”

“Pfffft. You think Photo Finish is going to be the only pony with cameras there?”

“Ungh...”

“Hey, this is the sort of stuff you gotta deal with if you're gonna be anypony at a high-end party like tonight's.”

“I know. I know.” Notecards shuffled in black-stocking'd hooves before being dipped into a glittery silver purse. “I don't suppose I'm gonna run into you while we're both there.”

“Heh. Sorry, girl. But you're on your own.” Vinyl smirked and adjusted her shades. “I'll be high up in the DJ Booth. I'll wish you good luck when I see you, but you're the one who's gonna have to lead this dance.”

“Yeah. I figured.”

“One last piece of advice?” Vinyl leaned forward. “If anypony tries to get friendly with you—like really friendly...”

“What, you mean like hitting on me? I'll just headbutt them.”

“Not with that hairdo, you won't.” Vinyl shook her head. “Just ramble on about starving foals in the Zebrahara or the endangered sea serpents of Northern Equestria or some other silly fake garbage. Convince them that you're a social justice warrior.”

“A social justice what?”

“Trust me. It's the absolute guaranteed way to give any stallion—or mare—instantly cold hooves. They'll leave you alone for the rest of eternity, much less the evening.”

“Why, you think a bunch of ponies are going to be bugging me or something?”

“Heh. Have you looked in a mirror since your gal-pal spruced you up in that number, Dash?”

“Yeah. So?”

Vinyl leaned back, shaking her head. “Let's just say you're in for a busy night.”

“Oh joy.”

“Shhhhhh... We're almost there. Good luck with Photo Finish. And remember... try to have fun.”

“Unnngh...”

At the front entrance to a high rise building in downtown Manehattan, a glitzy event was underway. Bright floodlights danced across the sky while dozens if not hundreds of well-dressed ponies gathered around a roped-off section of carpet. Many stood in line, gabbing and musing about the evening's events as they awaited the scrutiny of a bouncer at the building's revolving door. In the meantime, coach after coach rolled up to the rolled out carpet, dropping off celebrities, dignitaries, and artists who trotted proudly indoors in their suits and dresses.

“Ungh...” A pink earth pony with purple hair rolled her brown eyes. “Just look at these pathetic posers.” She stamped her hoof from where she and her assistant stood behind a velvet rope. Photographers flashed their cameras all around them. “They wouldn't know what fashion is if it galloped up and bit them.”

A petite peach coated mare with a blue mane fidgeted beside her. “I don't know, Miss Polomare. Those two from Saddle Arabia looked wonderful to me in their silk sashes.”

“I don't pay you to disagree with me!” The taller mare sneered. “Just shut up and take notes like a good assistant.”

The petite one shuddered. “Y-Yes, Miss Polomare. I'm sorry.”

“Ungh. It's just a sign of the times, I'm telling you.” A pair of bored brown eyes stared at each arriving coach. “That whole Nightmare Moon business sapped the Equestrian fashion scene of all creativity. You'd think it would be the other way around. Nothing like a good scare to get the juices flowing. But nooooo. Look at these boring aesthetics. It's like everypony wants to relive the Pre-Classical Era again. Can't we be modern? Can't we be new and unique and—”

One black coach arrived, and a mare got out. The entire crowd instantly gasped.

The assistant's blue eyes widened. She hissed aside, “Suri! Look!”

“Hmmm?” The larger pony glanced lethargically. Instantly, her body jolted. “Thick Threads of Zanzibuck... is that even real?”

A petite pegasus shuffled out of her coach wearing a slinky black number that draped off of her cyan coat like the shadow of an eclipse. The neckline and hem of the skirt shone with a silver lining that perfectly caught the bright lights of the city in all their glittering glory. Interlaced webs of transparency allowed the mare's blue coat to show through, and each gossamer line was laced with silver bands that all met at her neck like tails to a comet head. There, the mare's resplendent prismatic mane had been braided up with a few of the multicolored strands dangling free by the weight of tiny metal ringlets. Finally, a silver headband crowned her brow like a crescent moon, accentuating the dusty eyeshadow that framed her alluring gaze.

By the time the crowd's collective breath had returned, a flood of camera ponies aimed their instruments at the mare in question, flooding the sidewalk with an epileptic light show of flashing bulbs. The pegasus' wings flexed briefly, each feather shimmering with a subtle touch of silver powder. She adjusted the paper-thin strap of a shiny little purse around her neck and proceeded forward in a confident trot towards the building's front room. Everypony's heads collectively turned.

“That... that...” Suri Polomare whimpered. “...that c-can't even be real!”

“So much shine,” her assistant stammered. A gulp. “And not even a single sequin used!”

Suri growled and slapped the mare's mane. “Why aren't you taking notes, dammit?!”

“R-right!” The petite pony whipped out a notepad and began scribbling away. “Notes! Notes!”

“Something crazy is going on here, Coco,” Suri grumbled to herself, tapping her chin as the crowd around her murmured. “Who's willing to bet that Photo Finish is at the bottom of all this...?”

The Lights that Move Sideways and Up and Down

“Ms. Finish?” A stallion in a dark suit and wearing shades trotted up towards a mare who was decked-out in vibrant pastels and contrasting dress patterns. “If you want my advice, you should keep your appearance short tonight. After all, we never figured out who was responsible for the break-in at your apartment last week. There could be somepony here who secretly wishes you harm...”

“Ach! Was für ein idiot!” With a flounce of white bangs, the mare in question spun about from where she stood inside the elevator. Her purple shades reflected the stallion's concerned face. “Vat do you sink I, Photo Finish, payen sie gaudily dressed shtallions for?”

“Uhm...” The stallion fidgeted. “Bodyguarding and protection?”

“Your job is to keep mich am leben! Ja! But not if it chokes I, Photo Finish, of fine art und ze social magiks!” She flung a dramatic hoof over her forehead, pretending to faint. Two of the stallions almost dashed towards her. “Ohhhhh! Mein gott! If only ze Paint Bucket Flat could rid me of zis accursed shpell!”

“What spell do you speak of, Ms. Finish?” one of the bodyguards inquired. “You haven't exactly been of the best health as of late.”

“Photo Finish knows zat! For ze is starvink for ze magiks! Ze art magiks, and they are too... too terribly lackink in ze dessert of meine life!” Her teeth grit as she shook her blue hooves in front of her. “Grrrrrnnngh... How many verdammte feiern must I, Photo Finish, attend before I find zie ponies who can understand vat she iz goink srough?” A sniffling sound. “Meine latest meisterwerk vaits for ze perfek moment to be unfeiled before ze pony eyes of Equestria!” She sighed. “But Photo Finish fearz zat nopony vill be beautiful enough to undershtand her hard vork...”

The elevator rocked to a stop. The stallions nodded to one another.

“We're here.” One turned towards the mare. “Ms. Finish, we'll keep a close eye on you, but—as you wish—we'll keep our distance.”

Another spoke up. “But the moment you feel ill or threatened, you let us know, and we'll get you out of here imm—”

“Verschwinde!” She spun towards them, snarling. “You are ill! And Photo Finish vill sreatened you vis a hundert portraits all cofered in kot if you don't given sie breath to find ze magiks! Bah! Now go!” The elevator doors opened, and she rubbed her forehead before limply trotting out into a thin hallway full of mingling poinies. “Nnnngh... Celeshtia sparen sie meine heart. If I do not find true inshpiration soon, Photo Finish will hafe no choice but to jump off a bridge...”

As she trotted with her guards towards the dazzling entrance to the Paint Bucket Flat, she was engulfed in a flood of reporters, photographers, and chatty socialites. With the stallions' help, she gradually wormed her way into the studio apartment full of noise, voices, and flashing lights.

Around that same time, another elevator door opened. A lone mare trotted out, a glittering spectacle of black, silver, and hidden color.

“Gaaaah!” Rainbow instantly tripped, fumbling so hard she nearly plowed into a wall. “Nnnnrghh! Dang it!” She stared down at her forelimbs and fiddled until the articles rested neatly against her hooves. “Somepony explain to me why anyone with fetlocks would feel the need to make themselves and others wear heels.”

After a deep breath, she stared down the hallway, her eyes twitching at the busy scene.

“Buck me, that's a crowded place.” She winced from ear to ear, hearing the rattle of her hairband. She reached a hoof up, but stopped herself. “No... Rarity told me not to fuss with it.” She sighed heavily. “Just... g-gotta have faith. I don't look like a zoo...” She trotted limply forward. “Even though I'm marching right into one...”

Almost instantly, ponies turned and gawked at the approaching stranger. For a brief span of time, the hallway fell into deep, stunned silence. Even the camera stopped flashing as photographers struggled to catch up with their befuddled synapses.

Gulping, Rainbow fumbled with the strap of her purse and gave a dainty wave. “Eheheheheh...” She whimpered under her breath. “Here's hoping Photo Finish is the first pony I bump into, or else I'm going to be eating all this silver...”

As Rainbow Dash threaded her way into the apartment, she was overcome by a flood of laser lights and strobes. She tilted her head up, marveling at a series of tiered platforms with thick glass floors. She could see through many of the indoor terraces, spotting levels where ponies mingled to chat with glasses of champagne. Meanwhile—on every floor of the spacious studio—various sculptures and paintings and statues stood on display. There was even “living art,” with mares lying limply in monochromatic outfits that merged with the impressionistic art swirls of the gallerias they were drowning in.

“This place is insane,” Rainbow whispered to herself. She squinted up at the distant ceiling, illuminated by broad windows looking out onto the glittery spectacle of Manehattan's skyline. “Are those... trapeze artists?”

She bumped into somepony.

“Gah!” She glanced over to see a half-naked unicorn covered in brown and green body paint with styrofoam “branches” sticking out of her. “Sorry! S-so sorry! I didn't mean to bump into you, lady! Please don't be mad!”

“I can't be mad,” the mare droned, eyes thin. “I'm a tree.”

Rainbow opened her mouth, blinked, and then slowly backed away. She spun about, trotting nervously through the thickening crowd of affluent socialites and celebrities.

Meanwhile, up on a center stage that hung amidst the tiered platforms and stairs, Vinyl Scratch sat, spinning discs with the greatest of ease. She spot a familiar figure through the corner of her glinting shades, and she smiled to herself. She whipped out another desk and slapped it onto the turntable. As the current track faded, she took over the mic and calmly spoke over the volume of the entire party: “This next one goes out to a very special friend of mine. She may think she's alone in a strange and wild place, but the truth is? I've got her back. Now... by popular demand, here's 'Out of Canter' by She Whinnies Revenge.”

A deep bass beat thrump'd through the place. A few ponies clapped and cheered, but all too swiftly returned to their conversations.

Rainbow Dash blinked, turning to glance up at the table. After a brief smirk, she took a deep breath and began climbing a flight of glass stairs. “Now...” She glanced all around. “If I was Photo Finish, where would I be hiding?” She looked straight up. A glass platform loomed overhead. She saw ponies standing straight above, including mares, mares in dresses, mares with flaring skirts—“Duaaaaaah—” Rainbow looked ahead, blushing furiously. Her wings twitched tightly at her side. “Shoulda brought some friggin' ice in this purse...”

Party Tumbler

As Vinyl Scratch flipped one record in place of another, she adjusted her soundboard and glanced towards the top left above her booth. Her gaze fell on Rainbow Dash, following the mare in her glittery gown as she traversed a lofty balcony full of ponies toward the far end of the Paint Bucket Flat.

Lowering her shades, Vinyl's magenta eyes wandered to the far right. In a strobe of party lights, she made out Photo Finish's multi-colored outfit and snow-white bangs. The distance between her and Rainbow was wide and dead-thick with chatting equines. The two weren't getting any closer anytime soon.

“Hrmmmm...” Vinyl clenched her jaw. Pretending to mind her own business, she proceeded with the next track of her mix.

“Nnnngh... Guh...” Rainbow grunted and fidgeted, struggling to worm her way towards where Photo Finish was standing with several fellow artists. “Rghhh... wh-why can't I just fly there? For real?” She glanced down at her wings, then sighed. “One or two flaps and this darn thing will rip right in two.” She sulked, her skull hanging with a rattle of her headband. “Rarity, why'd you have to make it so friggin' delicate?”

“Here you go, madame,” a wandering waiter said, hoofing her a champagne glass.

“Uhhhh...” She nervously took it in the crook of her hoof. “But I didn't ask for—”

The stallion wandered off, hoofing glasses to other patrons.

Rainbow gritted her teeth, fuming. She glanced at the glass, gave it one sniff, and made a retching face. She looked left and right—finally spotting an elaborate scale model of the Empire Stallion Building made out of bottle caps. Squinting one eye, she planted the base of the glass neatly on the very top of the skyscraper so that it balanced in place like it belonged there.

With a victorious breath, Rainbow spun once more to face Photo Finish farm afar.

“Here you go, madame,” another waiter placed a fresh glass in her hoof.

Rainbow stood there, frozen with a bewildered expression as he trotted away. She rolled her eyes and summoned a low growl from deep within.

“Let me guess,” a stallion's rich Canterlot accent rolled from behind her. “Luna is your favorite Princess, hmmm?”

“Uhhhhh...” Rainbow turned, finding herself staring down the scrutinizing gazes of an affluent pair of unicorns. Four haughty eyes looked her up and down. “Oh... Luna! Totally!” Rainbow squinted until her eyes were as thin as theirs. She spoke in an airy tone, “Only the Ruler of the Stars can... uhm... ignite the dark flame from within!”

“Is that so?” The stallion adjusted his pink scarf and shuffled daintily through the flashing lights. “I must say, your gown is absolutely stunning, dear.”

“Certainly an eye-catcher,” the mare added, ears twitching.

“Hey... my best friend made it for m—er...” Rainbow fidgeted. “I mean, it was hoof-stitched by the finest and most talented artist at the Carousel Boutique.”

“Carousel Boutique?” the mare remarked. “Never heard of it.”

“Hmmmm...” Rainbow pretended to examine her champagne glass. “Most ponies haven't. It does a number on the mind, much less the pocket book.”

The mare and stallion exchanged glances.

“You must tell us where we can find this Carousel Boutique!” the stallion said. “For that refinery is beyond exquisite!”

“I... would... but... uhm...” Rainbow glanced at Photo Finish, fidgeting. “I really need to get g-going...”

“Why, what's the hurry, dear?” the mare asked.

“The night is young, and there is much to discuss,” the stallion added, gesturing with a hoof. “From art to fashion to celebrity gossip!”

“Celebrity... gossip...” Rainbow's eyes eventually fell to the floor beneath the balcony.

Vinyl's lenses glinted as she stared back at the pegasus from afar.

Rainbow took a deep breath. She turned towards the couple and tilted her head up. “Hmmph! Gossip? You should be lucky that a pair of ponies like you can gossip! Much less talk!”

“Huh?” The stallion blinked. “I beg your pardon?”

“Whatever are you going on about, darling?”

“Ponies without mouths!” Rainbow snarled in their faces. “Ever thought about them? Pfft—Why should I even bother asking! Each and every day, ponies are born without lips or tongues or vocal cords! They have an impossible time eating, much less even bothering to spread rumors about what celebrities are wearing to parties! To think that such wealthy ponies could be so ignorant to not even think of the non-mouthers! Ungh! What's this city coming to?”

“Oh... uhm...” The stallion glanced down fidgeting. “I... I honestly had no idea... uhhhh...”

“Here...” Rainbow shoved the glass into his grasp. “Put your mouth to good use, since you're so lucky to have one. As for me? Hmmmph!” She marched off, tail flicking. “I have better things to do than waste my time on a prejudicial pair of non-mouther-persecuting oralists! I'm a philanthropist!”

As she trotted off, the couple winced in unison.

“I think... it was a bad idea to talk to her,” the stallion muttered.

“Never mind that,” the mare hissed, glancing nervously over her shoulders. “As soon as we get home, we're looking up the closest non-mouther fund!”

“Shhhh! Not so loud! Nopony here needs to know!”

“What do we do now? I don't want anypony to be suspicious of our oralist prejudice! We've got a yacht club to maintain!”

“Calm down. Just blend.”

“But what were we d-doing before?”

“Blend harder!”

Lovely to Meet You

“Ah! Fraulein Finish!” A unicorn in an expensive sweater trotted forward, adjusted his glasses and bowed low. “A pleasure to run into you, as always!”

“Bah!” Photo Finish rolled her eyes from beneath her shades and spun from the two mares she was talking to. “Trenderhoof! I, Photo Finish, sought I shmelled somesink shtupid! Lass mich in Ruhe! Can't you see I am talkink up treasures of ze art magiks?”

“Why, Photo, you wound me!” Trenderhoof smiled, slicking his golden mane back as he squinted coyly at her. “I'm a big fan of your work! You know I would never do anything to harsh your genius buzz!”

“And yet here you are!” She spat. “Pollutink ze Paint Bucket vith your mundane sentences! Has ze unicorn vith a pocket comb written any amasink masterpieces yet? Trick kweshtion! He's right here, givink Photo Finish a migraine inshtead!”

The mares and stallions nearby chuckled.

Trenderhoof did as well. “Ohhhh, Photo. And after all I done for you...”

“Vas is zat?”

“Why, I wrote a five-part article for the first half of this year, praising your photography gallery while it was on tour in Fillydelphia and Las Pegasus!” Trenderhoof grinned. “I've always been a fan of your work—though the least can be said of your charm.” He winked, causing a few nearby mares to coo and giggle. “I would think that—after all this time—you'd finally welcome me in open hooves!”

“Ha!” Photo Finish tossed her mane and waved a hoof at him. “Vat do you taken sie Photo Finish for? Eine viltink fiolet that shwoons at ze meresht sight of your flafor safor?”

“Uhm...” Trenderhoof raised an eyebrow. “It's called a 'soul patch.'”

“Mist! It's called garbage! If you vant to impress an audience, go vith antikwity, not eternal youth! And as for your magazine drifel—I laugh at the notion! Hah! To sink zat mere vords could contain ze pure magiks zat come from meine fotografie!” Photo Finish gestured dramatically. “Photo Finish has a masterpiece zat she has yet to unfeil, and to sink zat lofe-stricken shtallions like you seek to undermine it with bland paragraphs and paper moons...!”

“You misunderstand me, Fraulein Finish.” Trenderhoof bowed again. “I'm not against you. We're in this together!” He smiled and gestured through the brightly-lit apartment. “Think of us as... a dynamic duo of art avengers, on a quest to illuminate the minds of the world to the beauty of art and expression!”

“Hah! I, Photo Finish, team up vith you?!” Nearby ponies chuckled as she pretended to faint. “Liebe Güte! The shtallion is getting desperate if he sinks he can vin meine heart so easily!”

“Ha ha... no.” Trenderhoof chuckled. “I would no more attempt winning the affections of you than I would date my own cousin. I see us as long lost siblings of an art world that is slowly dying.”

“Ach. Es ist sehr traurig...” Photo yoinked a champagne glass off a random waiter's tray and downed it in one gulp. She teetered slightly, her shades glazed over with a melancholic sheen. “Photo Finish undershtands zat last sentiment.” She gestured with the empty glass. “Where have all ze geniuses gone? Ze weight of ze art vorld is too... too much for Photo Finish's schoulders alone. All around me zere is nosing but brightly colored pulp and decay. Nopony truly appreschiates deep meanink and class anymore. All is death and laziness wif nosink to schow for it but soup and cereal adfertisements!”

“My thoughts and feelings exactly,” Trenderhoof said. “Which is why I came to greet you personally! And wish you the best in your endeavors. If my articles can't bring ponies to the light of your artistic majesty, Fraulein Finish, then perhaps your sincerity at parties such as this can better persuade those around you.”

“Hmmmmm...” Photo rubbed her chin. “Das ist toll!” She smirked slightly. “Perhaps Photo Finish vas wrong about you, Trenderhoof. You know, in zese days, it's so easy to feel as if vone is alone in zis feculent climb!”

“Hmmm... indeed.” Trenderhoof sighed. “Alas, where you seek artistic nirvana, I seek something that I doubt I will ever find.”

“Oh?”

“But, y'know, it's okay,” Trenderfoor said with a thin smile. “If fate has me destined to be a lone wandering stallion for eternity, then so be it.” His sparkling eyes wandered across the party scene. “And yet, I can't help but wonder if someday... somehow... I finally get to meet... … … her...”

Down below, Vinyl Scratch was watching Photo Finish from her DJ booth. She clenched her jaw, then glanced over to where Rainbow Dash was still fumbling several spots away.

The musician tapped her chin. Then, with a mischievous grin, she pumped up the volume of the music. The speakers across the Paint Bucket Flat boomed and boomed louder. Vinyl licked her lips, then aimed her horn at the glass-bottom platform right above Photo Finish. With careful timing, Vinyl waited for a bright flash of party lights, then shot a beam of magic straight up.

It expertly bounced off the overhanging platform, ricocheted across two support beams, and shot its way straight down towards Photo's figure.

When the magic beam struck, it instantly threw Photo off balance.

“Ach je!” Photo flailed, dropping her champagne glass as she plummeted wildly toward the far end of the platform on limp legs. The crowd parted ways, gasping. “Vere has gravity gone?!”

“Photo!” Trenderhoof gasped, lunging for her. “Hold on! I'll catch you—”

At precisely that same time.

“—please, I would stomp on puppies just to get a modeling session with you!” a fashionable mare cooed with sparkling eyes. “You must tell me your name!”

“Uhhhhh... I can't... b-because...” Rainbow cleared her throat. “I'm tr-trying to make a statement on ponies who are unlucky enough to be foaled without names. How... er... ty-typical of you name-centric titlelists to be ignorant of the blank flank'd masses who can't—”

“Photo! Hold on! I'll catch you!”

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash glanced over, and her eyes twitched. “Luna's nipple!” Air bursting, she rocketed over in a silver streak. Before any of the ponies around her could register their own gasps, she had skidded to a stop and stretched a wing out to gracefully catch Photo's body before the mare could fall.

“Guh!” Photo landed safely in the cushion of Rainbow's feathers. “Unnngh...” She wiped a hoof across her blue brow, wincing. “Vat just happened? Did ze vorld just krap itself?”

“Photo!” Trenderhoof leaned against the platform's railing in a breathless state. “Are you okay?”

Several stallions in suits galloped up. “Miss Finish! What's wrong?”

“Bah! Nothink is wrong!” Photo stood up, brushing her wildly patterned gown off. “And Photo Finish certainly doesn't need you makink a loud noise over nothink!” She upturned her nose. “As a matter of fact, zis fine mare saved meine fall!” She turned and curtsied. “Danke, fraulein—” She gasped, her shades nearly falling off her head. “Es ist so gut...”

Rainbow Dash stood in her sparkly gown. She adjusted her hairband and blinked with ruby eyes that glistened in the party lights. “Uhhhh...”

“Ja...” Photo Finish stifled a whimper. “Ja... like blood moons over a necrotic sea of deathly beauty!” She leaned forward. “Are you wrapped in pure silfer? It's like moondust being poured before meine eyes!”

“It... uhm...” Rainbow glanced down over the balcony's edge. A white unicorn pumped her hoof with a proud smile. “Ahem.” She stood up straight, pretending to squint haughtily towards the ceiling. “It's simply something that the most underrated fashionista in all of Equestria put together.”

“Oh, I must know who zis veafer of mashterpieces is!”

“Rarity from Carousel Boutique.”

“Ah...” Photo fiddled with her white bangs. “I... can't say zat ze name shtrikes any bells...”

“That's... to be expected.” Rainbow pretended to examine her purse. “Not everypony is cultured enough to know the sheer awesomeness that is Rarity. But, that's all well and fine.” She curtsied awkwardly, but recovered from it. “It was nice selflessly saving your life and all, but I best be going—”

“Nein! Nein!” Photo jerked so that she stood in front of Rainbow. “Please! I must know more! Talken sie to Photo Finish! Tell me your name, fraulein!”

“Uhhhh...” Rainbow suddenly gulped. “My name. Uhm... Uhhhhh...” She glanced left. She glanced right.

A mare giggled nearby as she talked with a stallion. One of several metal insects studded the collar of her blouse.

“Firefly!” Rainbow turned to grin at Photo. “My name is... erm... Madame Firefly... of Awesometopia.”

“Awesometopia...” Photo grinned. “Wunderbar.” She grasped Rainbow's hoof and led her back towards her cluster of associates. “You must tellen sie me all about zis Carousel Boutique! I've nefer seen anysink quite so imaginative and beautiful!”

Not too far away, Trenderhoof was staring... and staring and staring and staring and staring.

“Neither... h-have I...” the stallion murmured, his rosy eyes turning even rosier as his jaw dropped to the floor.

Sorry for Party Dashin'

“In a week?!” Photo Finish stammered, nearly stumbling across the second story of the Paint Bucket Flat. “Ach je! Are you meanink to tell me zat your finely cultured friend made zis resplendent dress in less zan seven days?”

“Mmmmm... maybe...” Rainbow once more pretended to examine her purse with bored eyes. “Why, is that... like... special or something?”

“Shpecial?! Meine darlink Firefly, es ist absolut erstaunlich!” Photo Finish beamed, her blue cheeks turning red in the strobing party lights. “I, Photo Finish, have nefer before seen a mare arrayed in somesink so radiant and beautiful!” Photo trotted a tight circle around the pegasus, all the while gawking. “And yet—ze simplicity! Ze elegance!” She squealed like a filly, her blue hooves dancing in place. “Mmmm!... ze m-magiks!”

“Hmmm... is that all?” Rainbow half-yawned. “I gotta admit: this was all pretty-last second. I have a dozen more dresses way better than this one, and they took only five days to make. If you ask me, Rarity's been slacking.”

“Shlackink?!” Photo Finish did a double-take. “I vould absolutely love to see vat she makes on a day ven she ist wunderbar!”

Rainbow Dash thinned her eyes into a thousand-mile stare while daintily raising a hoof towards the ceiling. “Meh.”

“Well, I for one think that it's the most gorgeous gown of the evening,” said a certain sandy-haired unicorn with spectacles over his enchanted eyes. He leaned into the conversation, smiling warmly at Rainbow Dash's face. “A beautiful dress... for a most beautiful mare...”

“Uhhhhh...” Rainbow Dash's wings drooped as she recoiled slightly. “Okaaaaaay...” Clearing her throat, she turned back towards Photo Finish. “So—like—are you some sort of dress-maker yourself or something?”

“Vat?!” Photo Finish leaned back, blanching. “Have you not heard?!” She slapped a hoof over her own chest. “I am ze one and only Photo Finish! Ze queen of ze art magiks between here and Neighremburg!”

“Why, nopony would even be having this party if it weren't for Fraulein Finish—” Trenderhoof began.

“Ja, sanken sie, magazine huffer!” Growling, Photo shoved the stallion's face away and shuffled up in front of Rainbow. “Auf wiedersehen vith you! Ahem.” She leaned so close that Rainbow could see her glittering headband reflected in the photographer's shades. “I, Photo Finish, and troubled that you have not heard of meine vork, Fraulein Firefly. A mare of your fashion sense and shtature! Vhy, you must have a very high taste in... in...”

“Awesometopia,” Rainbow Dash said. “I don't blame you for not having heard of it. The real name is... uhm... too much for the normal Equestrian tongue to pronounce.”

“It must be far away too!” Trenderhoof cooed, suddenly to Rainbow's left. She tilted her head away from him just as he said, “I mean, for a kingdom to contain such living treasures of majesty...” He sighed warmly. “I wouldn't be surprised if it was located on the dark side of the moon.”

“Erm... it's n-not,” Rainbow stammered. “It's overseas. Y'know, across the ocean... bordering... uhm... Bodaciousopolis...” She blinked. “...and the Wickedsich Archipelago.”

“How delightfully exotic,” Photo Finish murmured out loud. “You must travel around a lot.”

“Eh... yes and no.” Rainbow sighed, slinging her purse to her far side. “This is my first and only time in Manehattan. The city lights are swell and all, but it's such a huge friggin' place. Quite frankly, I feel lost here. I'd kill to have a tour guide, but I can't stand the smell of most of the... erm... plebeian masses who fester here.”

“Say no more!” Photo Finish hooked one forelimb with Rainbow's. “Photo Finish has made zis place her second home! I even have ein haus in den himmel!”

“Er...” Rainbow's muzzle scrunched. “Huh?”

“She means that she has an apartment uptown,” Trenderhoof explained.

“Tollwütiger Hund!” Photo shoved him back with a flounce of her multi-colored skirt. “Backen sie up into a manure barn!”

“What's his deal, anyways?” Rainbow murmured.

“Do not mind ze drone! He has a different fetish every Tuesday! Bah!” Photo dragged Rainbow across the balcony. “Leten sie Photo Finish show you meine friends!” Shuffling up to a group of richly dressed ponies, she grunted loudly. They all swiveled to face her with a start. “Ja... Zis is Fraulein Firefly from Awesometopialand.”

“Actually... uhm... it's j-just 'Awesometopia—'”

“Sie ist eine prinzessin!” Photo beamed. “Isn't it wunderbar?” She turned to Rainbow. “Firefly, I vant you to meet meine schöne companions of ze art magiks. Zis is Fleur Dis Lee, heir to ze Grand Lee Fortune...”

“Mmmm... a pleasure to meet you.

“...Fraulein Swan Song, community leader and prodigy of ze musiks...”

“Charmed...”

“And, last but not least, A.K. Yearling, Manehattan's most talented novelist...”

“So nice to meet you, Ms. Firefly.” A tan pegasus adjusted her glasses with a smile and raised a dainty hoof towards her. “Awesometopia? Please, tell me, is that somewhere beyond the Mid-Atlantrot Ocean—?”

“Uh huh. Whatever.” Rainbow turned with a yawn. “Books are boring. What I came for was art. But, for some reason, I'm not seeing a whole lot of it.”

“Vhy, of course not!” Photo Finish gasped. “Because you must have valtzed right past meine exhibit vithout knowink it!” She smirked as she tugged Rainbow towards a descending flight of stairs. “You must come vith me! You cannot guess how long I, Photo Finish, have vaited for an outside pershpective to judge meine vork! Free of all of ze banal trifialities of koddlink platitudes and pretense!”

“Yes...” Trenderhoof stumbled to keep up, as did the other members of Photo's clique. “I would love to hear your commentary on modern photographic art!” He beamed. “Especially with the refined words of an overseas princess!”

“Uhhhhhh...” Rainbow's eyes twitched. She smiled as she stumbled down the stairs alongside Photo's bouncy figure. “You b-bet!” She gave her purse a slight jostle. “I'm just... chock-full of words to fling at your pictures... uhm...” Her lips twisted: “...gurlfriend?”

Photo Finish giggled.

Photojittery

“Alas, my latest and finest vork on exhibit!” Photo Finish dragged Rainbow to a stop in front of an array of black and white photographs. Several patrons had already gathered about to stare and murmur over the various images on display across a concave styrofoam partition. Deep crimson, pink, and violet floodlamps gave the entire exhibit a rosy hue. “I like to call it: 'Ze Modern Ekwestria Uterus.' Ach! Vhat does ze Fraulein Firefly sink?”

“Uhhhhh...” Rainbow Dash blinked dumbly at several fuzzy, close-up photographs of flowers, horse skulls, and sleeping/crying foals. “Errrr...” She coughed towards the left, meanwhile her right front hoof stealthily unclasped her purse. Sliding a few notecards out, she darted her eyes down, scanned a sheet or two, and then slid the items back in. “Oh! I... uh... find them quite derivative of the late and great Gallop O'Keefe, especially in their underlying subtle statements on the feminine mare psyche...”

Trenderhoof's beaming face swiveled into view. “That's just what I was going to say—”

Wham! Photo shoved him out of the way, grinning in Rainbow's face. “Ja! Zat is exactly vat I vas goink for! Gefällt's dir?” She pointed at the crooked allotment of photos. “Ze foals and ze shkulls are so closely arranged, just as is life and death.” Photo clasped her hooves together in an angelic pose. “Ve are srown into zis vorld vizout varnink, as flies before honey! Ze mare is a schön maschine of ze natures, but oh so cruel in ze existential launschink of foals into ze abyss! Ze womb is ze schamber and ze uterus is ze barrel of life's gun, ja?”

“Oh... totally ja...” Rainbow tried not to wretch, instead clearing her throat as she put on haughty airs. “But, if that was what I was going for, then I would have taken more photographs of... uhm... spaghetti.”

Photo Finish raised an eyebrow above her shades. “Shpaghetti?”

“Yeah. Y'know... to simulate the... the...” She gestured with a twirling hoof. “... ... ... life goop.”

The ponies all around them murmured and exchanged glances.

Photo Finish stared forward in dead silence. She suddenly exploded. “Liebe Güte! But of course! Vat was I sinkink?!” She slapped her forehead and paced angrily before the curved styrofoam board. “I schould hafe photographed molasses, caramel, petroleum—everythink I could have to simulate ze nebulous medium of ze amniotic fluid! Bah!”

She spun with a flounce of her skirts and bucked the whole display hard. Stallions and mares gasped as the entire board fell down, spilling black and white photographs across the floor of the Paint Bucket Flat.

“Zis cannot afford to be frozen in time! It must evolve vith truth and enlightenment! You!” She pointed at a blinking waiter. “Given sie me zat schampagne!” She grasped several glasses and spilled them all over the photographs, thoroughly soaking them in sudsy liquid. “Nein! Nein! It is too tranquil! Too predictable! Allow ze chaos to manifest itself into schön realistic tragedy!”

At last, after the exhibit had been utterly doused, she shattered the glasses all over them and jumped down the center. Crack! The styrofoam board cracked down the middle. Panting, Photo Finish trotted backwards, straightened her white bangs, and gestured at the mess.

“Behold! I, Photo Finish, present to you ze 'Abortion of Ze Nature Magiks!' It is now transformed from death to life and back unto ze deaths! Just like all art schould be!”

Gradually, everypony within earshot clapped and applauded. Several others even whistled and cheered.

Rainbow Dash was too busy blanching to notice. She gasped as she was hoisted away by Photo Finish towards another wall of photos.

“Fraulein Firefly! Ich liebe dich!” She beamed. “Your insights and selective critischisms have salvaged zat vich vas previously a borink travesty! Please! Illuminate meine mind more!” She swiveled Rainbow Dash to face a splash of photographs featuring monochromatic tree branches and dead birds. “I call zis 'Twlight of ze Teenage Ekwuestria!' Beeil dich! Wat do you see?”

“Uhhhh...” Rainbow fidgeted with her purse, stealing a ruby-eyed glance or two into its contents. “I... f-find the contrast of light and dark motifs to be indicative of... erm... the latter portraits drawn by Foalsisco de Goyoats...?”

“Oh, I've seen his stuff!” Trenderhoof slid in, grinning. “I especially like the drawing of Saturneigh eating his foals! Very creepy stuff.”

“Bah! Oatmeal for brains!” Photo scoffed. “You vouldn't know creepy if it came up and nibbled on your shtupid hair chin! Fraulein Firefly her knows ze true meanink of ze tragiks, ja?”

“Oh... totally! Awesometopia was once invaded by a scorched earth military campaign!”

“Truly?” Trenderhoof gasped, a hoof over his muzzle. “Was it... caribou?”

“Can caribou hold flame throwers?” Rainbow asked.

“Uhm, I-I don't think so, Your Highness.”

“Then buck them,” Rainbow grunted.

“Oooh! Over here!” Photo Finish dragged Rainbow again. “You must look at zis vork of meine!”

“Gah!” Rainbow stumbled. Her purse spun, and the notecards spilled wildly across the floor. “Horseapples!” She looked hopelessly over her shoulder. “M-my stuff! My purse lady stuff!” She tried reaching for it, but Photo had already dragged her to the far wall.

“Vhat do you sink?” Photo smiled wide as she pointed at several square boxes pasted all over in photographs of young mares with lampshades over their heads. “It's called 'Sunrise for a Decayink Honeymoon!'”

“Uhhhh... one second...” Rainbow yanked her forelimb out in futility. “If I-I could just... scoop them up...”

A waiter trotted over, stopped, knelt down, and scooped up the notecards.

“Oh, praise Celestia!” Rainbow exhaled heavily through a relieved smile. “You're a life-saver...”

“My pleasure, madame,” the stallion bowed with a serene smile. “I will dutifully throw these napkins away for you.”

“Wait... wait!” Rainbow's voice cracked.

The stallion was already trotting away, lost in the crowd, lights, and noise.

Rainbow gulped. “Oboy.”

“You see, ze lampschades are representative of ze repression of ze art magiks zat mares impose on themselves when they submit to ze appallink patriarchal tragedy zat is marriage!” Photo Finish said, pointing at the faceless mares in the photographs. “It was meant to be feminist expression at it's finest! Do you sink I, Photo Finish, have hit my mark?” She stared at Rainbow with rosy cheeks.

“Uhhhh...” Rainbow Dash glanced at her empty-empty purse, pouting. “Nnnnngh...” She blinked, then tilted her face towards the gallery. “Huh?”

“Ze photographs? Vhat is your opinion on—”

“Wait, isn't there—like—one stallion for every six mares in the average Equestrian community?”

Photo Finish stood still, her ears twitching. “Vell... ja, but—”

“So, like...” Rainbow scratched her head—realized she was nearly messing up her mane, then reluctantly stood straight in her dress with a sigh. “...isn't it a bit overboard to suggest that such a gender minority could have any real bearing on what a mare does to herself in life? I mean... pfffft... stop soaking in yourselves, girls...” She gestured at the photographs. “Even if mares and stallions were even-stevens with one another in the Equestria population, I don't see what would be holding mares back from being as awesome as they need to be. So why sit around moping about it?”

Stunned silence.

Photo Finish had to manually close her muzzle with a hoof. “Ja... Ja... but of course!” She brightened. “It is not ze oppression of others zat snuffs out ze light! It is self-induced punishment! Excuses made for darkenink a life zat could be lived to its fullest! How silly of me!” She clapped her hooves at Trenderhoof. “Breedink for brains!”

“D'uhmmm...” The unicorn stood awkwardly at attention. “Yes, Fraulein Finish?”

“Make yourself ze useful and flip zese boxes upside down!”

“All of them?”

“Beeilen sie sich! Before ze inspiration decays!”

Trenderhoof darted forward. Patrons watched—gawking—as he magically flipped each box over so that the photographs were now upside down.

“Ha! Now look!” Photo pointed at them with a proud smile aimed Rainbow's way. “Ze lampshades are bloomink the mares like schön flowers! From ze darkness of zeir tainted complexes, zey embrace the opportunity to become ze illumination zemselfes!” She squealed internally and flung a hoof towards the ceiling. “I feel ze magiks returnink to meine feines! Is like fallink into ein meat grinder only to come out as a pearl!”

As ponies applauded, Rainbow Dash chuckled dryly and shrugged. “Well, that's really... good for you.”

“For me?” Photo beamed in Rainbow's face. “For us, Fraulein! I see right srough you, Firefly! You are not some duchess from a foreign land!”

Rainbow sweated. “Uhhhhh—”

“You are my new muse!” Photo flung a forelimb around Rainbow's shoulder and led her towards another platform. “Come! Ve go!”

“Yeah, okay—Gah! Not so fast! Jeez...”

As the two left, a group of ponies hung in the shadows, looking on.

“I've never seen Photo Finish so... bright and happy before.”

“She's been needing this inspiration for a long time now. Especially considering her health.”

“Who is this strange mare? It's not enough that her gown is to die for, but she's having such a positive effect on everypony's favorite photographer.”

“I have no clue,” Trenderhoof cooed, teetering forward on his hooves as he stared lovingly at the pair from afar. “But I have to find out... even if it means me dying tomorrow...”

“Yeah, uh...” A couple of patrons trotted lazily away from the swooning stallion. “Good luck with that, pal.”

“Phweeeeeeeeee...”

Background Party

“Coco, you'd damn well better be taking notes!”

“Er... y-yes, Suri! Of c-course, Suri!”

“Good...” The taller of the two mares glared around the corner. Through the flashing lights and flickering strobes of the Paint Bucket Flat, she spotted Photo Finish and her clique huddled at a bar along with the strange mare of the evening. “Will you just look at them? Have they lost their minds? Look!”

“Erm... I-I can't look and take notes at the same time, Suri—”

“What kind of belligerent hussy does this mare think she is?” Suri rambled. “Strolling in out of nowhere and taking advantage of Photo Finish's generosity?” She leaned closer to Coco, hissing, “I hate to admit it, but I don't think her mane's dyed that way. That's natural beauty. I'll give her that.”

“'Give... her... that...'”

“Ungh! Don't copy that down! Please. Heheh—so literal.”

“I-I'm sorry, Suri.”

“Pfft. I bet you are. What do you suppose gets into the head of a mare like that?”

“Well, to be honest, I suspect she's just friendly and wants to—”

“I was being rhetorical, dumbass! But, really, though, what's her deal?” Suri tapped her chin in thought. “Hmmm... it's been rumored that Photo Finish has been under the weather lately.”

“'Under... the weather... lately...'”

“Some ponies think she's pregnant again. Others believe it's something way nastier, like equine anemia. But... heheh... not sure what's nastier than pregnancy, y'know what I'm saying?”

“Actually, no, I don't know what you're—”

“Hush! Hrmmm... you know, come to think of it, nopony ever actually knows what happened to Mr. Finish. Photo seems to have all of her wealth intact. Maybe somepony somewhere learned all about this from an inside source and has sent a con artist to get on the photographer's good side and mooch on her. I mean, that's what I would do... if... if I-I was a con artist, I-I mean. Eheh...”

“Or maybe she j-just wants to be friendly and—”

“Ungh! Coco! I pay you to take notes and make coffee, not to think!”

“I'm... s-sorry, Suri.”

“Not as sorry as she is going to be once I blow the roof off of whatever the mare's planning,” Suri said with a smirk. “There's only one mare who can flatter the skirts off of Phot Finish, and it sure as heck isn't—” Suri did a double-take, squinting at the bar. “Great Celestia! Is that Trenderhoof sitting with them?”

“Uhm... Yes, I believe so, Suri.”

“Heh... I almost take that back.” Suri smirked wickedly. “The mare's night is miserable enough as it is...”

Where Everypony Knows Your Mane

Photo Finish gulped, gulped, gulped, gulped, gulped, gulped, exhaled, then slapped the steep glass down onto the bar counter. “Like I, Photo Finish, vas sayink...” Her body rocked on the stool as she withstood an inward belch, but fought it back down with a forelimb slapped over her blouse. “Ze enigmas of life are vat makes art so revardink. As artists, Fraulein Firefly, ve are in pursuit of enlightenment. Vezer ve find zis at ze end of a camera lenz or with ze shtroke of a paintbrush, ve are neferzeless tasked vith chasink truth, beauty, and ze magiks to ze end of ze earth... be zey located in Ekweshtria, or in ze exishtenshial brink of our sane minds!”

“Wow... that's—HIC!” Rainbow's eyes twitched, then reverted back to normal. She leaned precariously on the edge of her stool, grasping a champagne glass loosely in the crook of her hoof. “That's certainly deep. Like... really really... uhhhhh... uhhhhhhhhh... ... ...deep.”

“Ja. But it takes too much cursed time to express with ze vords!” Photo's muzzle scrunched beneath her shades. She motioned for the bartender to fill up her glass again. “Zat is why I use cameras and not typevriters! Bah! To Tartarus with zose infernal machines!”

“I wouldn't be so harsh, Fraulein Finish,” said Trenderhoof. He was two seats down, gazing at Rainbow the entire time with a dumb smile. He swiveled left and right on his stool as he said, “The written word has done more service for and against Equestrian society than the common pegasus polearm.” He leaned slightly closer, murmuring, “Have I mentioned how fascinatingly provocative I find the ancient warrior culture of pegasi?”

“Ach! Stopen sie vis ze vomitink of your magazine drivel!” Photo grasped a freshly-poured malt and aimed it down her throat. “Honestly! Vhat are you shtill doing here?”

“Simply admiring a most engaging and thought-provoking conversation,” Trenderhoof said. “You ladies have brought forth many intriguing notions to the table.”

“Yeah...HIC!” Rainbow squinted blearily. “You mean Photo Finish here has just filled my ears with rambling nonsense for two hours.”

“Mrmmmmfff...” Photo downed another glass, exhaled, and cocked her head to the side. “Vhat was zat?”

“Er... uhhh... uhm...” Rainbow fidgeted.

“Oh! I think Madame Firefly here has been waiting to share something deep of her own!” Trenderhoof smiled rosily. “By all means, darling. Do go on.”

“Uhm... er...” Rainbow Dash winced, nearly dropping her champagne glass. “Something... d-deep, huh?” She cleared her throat, staring off towards the far end of the Paint Bucket Flat. The party crowd had thinned considerably, and by that point Vinyl was playing a serene trance mix. From afar, the musician stole Rainbow a glance, shrugging.

“Vell? Don't be shy!” Photo leaned forward with a beaming grin. “I, Photo Finish, am sure zat her favorite companion of ze night has a most shtimulatink artistic notion to bestow!”

“Yeah... funny that you should ask that. 'Cuz...” Rainbow fidgeted. Suddenly, she blinked, and she raised a ponderous hoof slowly into the air. “You... uh... you guys know zebras, right?”

“Spinnst du? Of course I, Photo Finish, does!”

“What about them?” Trenderhoof asked.

Rainbow took a deep, deep breath. “...Hic!” Her head wobbled. “Do they ever dream in color?”

The bar fell dead silent.

Photo Finish leaned back so hard she nearly fell off her stool. “Liebe Güte!” She slapped her blue forehead. “How izzit I nefer vonce pondered zat?”

“For real?” Rainbow squinted at her. “Er... I mean...” She cleared her throat and leaned back, casually dangling one of her legs out from beneath her skirt. “For real! Pffft...” She puffed out her cheeks. “Took three whole generations of Awesometopian philosophes to think up that one!”

“How can I, Photo Finish, be so shtupid?!” The photographer gritted her teeth. “'Ze Color of Ze Zebra!' Zat would make for a most provocative gallery of black and white art! For surely ze zebraharan race has its own artistic slants zat go beyond ze need for colorific expression, ja?!”

“Hey...” Rainbow shrugged, leg-dangling. “Mystical zebras. Am I right?”

“Zis has never been explored before in ze Manehattan art scene! How could I not hafe foreseen this new opportunity for knowledge and expression?!” She turned towards Trenderhoof. “Hallo! Shparkles for ze brainz! Vhat do you sink? Vould ze popular audience cater to an art gallery with zebra expressionism as it's cornerstone?”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...” Trenderhoof stared sweatily at Rainbow's leg.

Sneering, Photo slapped her empty glass down onto the bar counter. “Hey! Kumpel!”

“Huh? What?” Trenderhoof looked up with a jerk. “Zebras! Yes! Fantastic equines!” He smiled nervously. “Why, my brother has one for a best friend over in Detrot!”

“Eugh!” Photo rolled her eyes under her shades. “See, zis is why I am feeling so terribly suffocated! I am surrounded by zese idiots.” She then smiled. “Until now.” She swiveled around and leaned towards Rainbow. “Fraulein Firefly—or can Photo Finish just call you 'Firefly?'”

“Sure. HIC. Whatever.”

“Ich habe dich gern.” Photo beamed. “Truly, zere is somesing about you that fills meine heart with a spark of inspiration and purpose. I almost feel as if ve vere destined to cross paths zis night. After all, Celestia does not play dice vith ze uniferse.”

“And I almost feel... feel...” Rainbow hiccuped again. She raised her glass, squinting. “Just what the hay is in this cider, anyway?”

“That's what they call a Manehattan Candle,” Trenderhoof said with a smirk. “Bet they don't serve anything that hard among the exquisite nectars that you enjoy back in Awesometopia.”

“Hey, I love this stuff just fine.” Rainbow fought a belch, patting her chest, then brushing a hoof over her braided mane. “Just... n-not exactly fond of the huge hole it's boring through my brain bone.” Another hiccup; her eyes crossed. “Hooboy.”

“Awwwww... poor dear...” Photo patted her hoof. “I vill get ze bartender to make you somesink zat goes down softer.”

“That's awfully swell of you...”

“After all!” Trenderhoof shrugged with a smirk. “The party may be thinning, but the night's still young! We've got lots to talk about, and I haven't even begun to tell you about the stories I've been commissioned to write for Playcolt!”

“... ... ...” Rainbow raised her glass towards the bartender. “Hit me again,” she droned, eyes thin. “Better make it a double.”

“Wirklich?! Wonderbar!” Photo grinned wide and slapped her hooves together. “And you are so adfenturous too!”

“Heh... hey... best night of my—HIC—life...”

Relevant Heavy Drinking

"Du.. du... bist in meine herde..."

"Duuuuuuuuaaaah..."

"Du... du..."

"D-duuuuuu..."

"...bist in meinem Stall--"

"Shtalllllll!"

Photo Finish and Rainbow Dash rocked on their stools together, singing a wavering duet that echoed across the empty glasses and mugs all along the bar counter.

Photo led: "Du... du... mit Du ich galoppiere--"

"Galopolopolopppp!" Rainbow hiccuped.

"Du weisst nicht, wie verschwommen ich für dich bin--"

"Furry dick bearrrrrd!" Rainbow hollered, then a deep breath as both mares warbled as one:

"Ja.. Ja... Ja du weisst nicht wie verschwommen ich für dich bin!"

Rainbow teetered. "Everypony!"

""Ja! Ja! Ja! Du weisst nicht wie verschwommen ich für dich binnnnnn!"

The song stopped dead on a dime.

Rainbow slurred: "Play ball!"

Photo Finish wheezed, teetered, wheezed some more, and slapped her thrice-empty mug onto the bar top as punctuation to the mares' caterwauling. “Hhhhhhhh-hah hah hah hah hah!”

“Hee hee hee hee!” Rainbow hugged herself, spinning around and around on her bar stool.

“Hah hah hah—hchhhhhh! Acchhh!” Photo bent over, sputtering and coughing.

“Mmmmmmm...” Thud! Rainbow's head fell against the counter. Her rosy cheeks nuzzled the bar as she gazed dizzily through Photo. “Your—HIC—language is soooooooooooo fuzzy...”

“Ja ja. Zat's a good vone.” Photo giggled in a high-pitched voice. She adjusted her shades, only making them more crooked beneath disheveled white bangs. “Mir gefällt es sehr gut! It's vhat I use to shpeak vith ze loves of meine leben.”

“Ohhh yeah?” Rainbow fought drool as she tongued the furthest recesses of her champagne glass for cider. “And what about the ponies you hate?”

Photo spun on the stool and pretended to lift up her skirts. “Photo Finish uses ze oser lips!”

“Snkkkkkkt!”

“Hah hah hah hah!”

“Heeheehee—Hic!” Rainbow jolted, her wings twitching. “Whewwwww...”

“Liebe Güte!” Photo slumped forward against the bar. “Ich fühle mich nicht wohl.”

“Hmmmm?”

“Photo Finish feels like she vill make fine art vith her esophagus...”

“Naaaaaaah... you're—HIC—healthy as a horse.”

“Ja. Ein kleines pferd.” Photo smiled drunkenly. “Just like meine Awesometopialander friend!”

“Are you calling—HIC—me a tiny horse?”

“Heehee... maaaaaaaaaybe...”

“Perhaps you are sick.” Rainbow held up a hoof with the end of its stocking dangling. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Hrmmm... eins... eine fette blaue finger!” Photo spun around on her stool. “WoooOooOooo! Hah hah hah!”

“Hee hee hee...” Rainbow Dash blew prismatic bangs out from where they dangled over her hairband. “You know—HIC—Photo, when I first showed up in Manehattan, I expected you to be nothing but a cooky old art witch. And you know what?”

“Vas?”

“Turns out... you're just a cooky old art witch. HIC!—but I like ya all the same, girl!” Rainbow held her glass upside down and waved it over their heads. “A toast! To the best freaky photography mare in all of Equestria! She's totally the dog's meow, or else my name isn't Madame Serenity!”

“Ja... but I sought your name vas 'Firefly.'”

“Same difference!”

“HA! Ah hah hah hah hah!”

“Hee hee hee hee hee!”

“Hah hah hah... ohhhhh... meine friend...” Photo rested the mug atop her mane like a hat and grinned dizzily. “You are most wunderbar. Vhat I vouldn't give to spend an entire season vith you. It's like ze great goddess of Ekwuestria haz deposited a rainbow muse in meine lap!”

“Pfffft... please, Photo Op, you flatter me.”

“Ja! Ich meine es Ernst! You see...” She waved her hooves at her sweat-stained blouse. “You... you completen sie me...”

“What, are we playing Trotris now?”

“Hah!” Photo wheezed, leaning precariously on the edge of her stool. “Efen your pop culture references are to die for!”

“Yeah, well, just be sure to pour plenty of cider—HIC—on my grave.”

“Hah hah hah!”

“Not too heavy on the ice. Hic!” Rainbow's eyes rolled back. “Nnngh—they'd just melt where I'm headed...”

A stallion in a dark suit trotted up and cleared his throat. “Ahem... Ms. Finish?”

“Vhat? Vhat is it?” Photo grumbled in mid-teeter. “Can't you see zat ve are in ze communion?”

“I was just wondering if you were ready for us to call your carriage, ma'am.”

“Vhat for? Ze night is shtill young!”

“Actually, Ms. Finish, the party ended over half an hour ago. You and your two friends here are the only ones left.”

“Vat?” Photo's face scrunched up. “Zwei?”

“Guaaaaaaaaaaah!” Trenderhoof suddenly sat up like a resurrected zombie.

“Ackies!” Rainbow fell off her stool, only for Photo to catch her. Both mares watched—bug-eyed—as the inebriated stallion reeled about, his mane and goatee a frazzled mess.

“Hehhhhhhhh-guh! You know what I like about-shhhhh—the pegashushhhy?” He waved a hoof before his bleary eyes. “You can alwayshhh tell when they're happy...”

“Uhhhh...” Rainbow gulped. “You sure you wanna take that joke all the way, bro?”

“No, for realshh though!” Trenderhoof nod-nod-nodded. “When they're happy...” He took an empty sip of an even emptier mug and gestured with both forelimbs. “Their antlers stretch WAAAAAY up!” He grinned... then grinned some more. THUNK! He collapsed across the bar yet again. “Schnorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...”

“Whew!” Photo gently sat Rainbow back up in her stool, giving her blouse a little fluff. “Photo Finish sought he vould never go kaput!”

“They shoulda—HIC—called him 'Trenderhangover.' Hee hee hee!”

“Hah hah hah... ohhhh Fraulein...” Photo bore a pouty face. “How vill I efer go on visout you? I am in such dire need of ze art magiks back in meine leben, and...” She shuddered, gazing towards the floor. “Meine health is not vat it used to be...”

“Well, hey... we could still be—HIC—friends,” Rainbow said with a shrug. “After all, Friendship—HIC—is Manic... or s-some other such thing...”

“Hah hah hah...”

“Friends do nice things for each other. Y'know... they drink together... sing songs together—HIC.” She waved her forelimb, looking only part of the way towards Photo. “...share special four digit numbers with one another...”

“Hmmmmm?” Photo hummed into her mug.

“You know...” Rainbow smiled dizzily. “Numbers that may or may not be special to one's secret hopes and earnest desires and giant metal safes wedged into apartment buildings...”

“Hmmmm-mmmm...” Photo's muzzle dug even deeper into her mug.

“Hey...” Rainbow frowned, teetering. “Heee-eee-eeey...” She swatted a hoof out, missing Photo's shoulder by a mile. “I'm talking to you!”

Photo plopped the mug off her muzzle and licked her wet lips. “Ja, Fraulein?” she smiled.

“I'm b-been meaning to say something all night, ya cooky art gremlinnnnnnn-gurl.”

“Hmmmm—and zat is...?”

“You have something that I need.” Rainbow took a deep breath. She blinked... and then her eyes rolled back. “...a h-high threshhold.” And Rainbow's body collapsed to the ground with a fwomp of glitter and lace. “Chuuuuuuuu...”

Darkness.

Trot Me Like You Did the Night Before

There was something wrong; Rainbow Dash was sure of it.

Everytime she tried murmuring the six words, they kept coming out in a slur. Everything was fuzzy, laced with needles... falling from a grand, soupy distance.

Rainbow's face tensed... at least until it rolled over and felt the cool surface of something plush and lacy. A pur escaped from the pegasus' throat, and she nuzzled the material, reveling in its comfort. There was a stale fragrance to it, like something that had been perfumed and then mummified under plastic sheets.

At last, with a tranquil flutter, Rainbow's eyes opened.

A horse skull stared down at her.

“Gaaaah!” Rainbow flew straight up—WHUD!—struck the top of a canopy bed, then immediately plummeted back down with a fwoosh to her skirts. She lay awkwardly across the peach duvet of a neatly-made bed in the middle of a spacious bedroom. Panting, she gazed at the skull. It turned out to be a giant, black-framed photograph of pony bones mixed with still life of a large bowl of fruit. To the left and right were several more photographs—all black and white, and no less bizarre.

The bloodrush of Rainbow's violent awakening caught up with her nervous system. “Owwwwwwwww...” Her bloodshot eyes teared slightly as she gripped her head. “Ow ow ow ow ow...” She squinted her eyes from the invasive glow of daylight. Rubbing her skull, she realized that one hoof still had a stocking while the other was bare.

Rainbow glanced at herself. She realized that she was still wearing the ornate dress from last night.

“Last... night...?”

Her head turned. Past a mountain of pillows, she spotted a bedside table. Her hairband, her heels, and her silver purse were all neatly placed alongside one another. There was even a tray of water. The pitcher and the two glasses were all half-empty.

“Uhm...” She rolled to the other side of the bed and instantly regretted it. A window faced her, and the light stabbed every atom in her retinae. “Unnnnghhh... Celestia on a unicycle...”

Despite her ever-waking agony, Rainbow Dash nevertheless stood up and lurched towards the window. She hovered on limp, heavy wings, then gripped the bottom of the window with two forelimbs.

“Nnnngh-guh!”

She flung the window open. Immediately her ears were assaulted by honking carriage horns, clopping hooves, and distant jackhammers.

“Mrnnngh... for real... why do we even need the sun?” She rubbed her eyes... then rubbed them some more. “Why c-can't we all be batponies like Noir? Mehhh...” At last, she dared to glance out. “Huh... I'm still in Manehattan... eh?” She glanced to the left, spotting tall skyscrapers amidst the early morning haze. “Hrmmm... fuzzzzzzy...” She glanced to the right, staring into a grinning face with antlers.

“Reise, Reise!”

“Gaaah!” Rainbow lurched back. “Lancie! What are you doing here?!” Rainbow wheezed. “I mean, where is here?!” Her eyes crossed. “I-I mean... is here where I'm, and why?”

“Has anypony ever told you you're beautiful when you're stupid?”

“Lancie...”

“Nice cowlicks, by the way.” The statue stood on the ledge amidst a flock of roosting pigeons. He pointed up at Rainbow's crown. “You fraternize with any bulls on the way to counting sheep as they hopped over Alcoholics Anonymare's?”

Rainbow fumbled with her disheveled mane. She blinked, then frowned at him. “Did... d-did you stow away on the carriage that Vinyl and I took to the Paint Bucket Flat?”

“That depends.” He shrugged. “Did you get the code to the Photographanista's vault?”

“No.”

“Then what are you doing here?!”

“That's what I'm bucking asking you!” Rainbow's voice cracked. “If you saw me go into the party, you must have seen me come out! Especially if you followed me here!”

“Heh. And it wasn't easy too. Girl, lemme tell you.” Lancie pointed at two of the pigeons standing wall-eyed behind him. “They charge half-a-minute to carry me. And then on the way here, they suddenly get lost! I swear they do it on purpose!” He turned and spat at the twitching birds. “It's because I'm stone, isn't it?!”

“Lancie...”

“You know...” Lancie folded his arms and smirked. “If Queen Freckles of Applezanzibar knew you were so keen on sleeping around in strange places—”

“I wasn't sleeping around!” Rainbow shouted, her cheeks red. “I was j-just... collapsing with style!”

“Riiiiiiiight...”

“Lancie, please, this isn't the time or place to get on my bad side. I'm achey. I'm hung over. I'm still wearing this stupid slinky dress thing. And on top of all that I think I may have botched my one chance to get what we both needed from Photo!”

“Oh... I wouldn't say that,” Lancie said, examining his gray talon. “I'd say you've gotten a bit closer into frame, so to speak.”

“Pfft! What in the hay is that—?” Rainbow blinked. “Wait a second...” She stared out the window, seeing her distant reflection in the opposite apartment complex. She glanced down at the number of stories between street level and where she stood. “This place... is... am I right back at—?”

There was a knock on the door. A muffled voice cheerfully sang: “Guten Morgen! Are you done sleepink, Fraulein?”

“Obeecheee!” Rainbow spun, squeaking. “She... sh-she took me to her apartment?!”

“Isn't that great?!”

“That's horrible!”

“Horrigreat.” Lancie snapped his paw. “Let's settle for that.”

“Lancie...”

“What?” He shrugged. “So you won enough of her respect to avoid a strike two! Hop on it, Sparky!”

“Yeah, but I was really... really hoping I could drop this act already!” She rubbed her head, teetering. “Unnngh... especially with my skull full of hooftacks...”

“Well, pick the act back up!” Lancie frowned. “Carry it all the way to Mount Gallopgotha, if you have to! This is the only way to get the shard!”

“But—”

“I hope you like Laugenstangen!” He winked and slammed the window shut with both hands.

“Vat? Laugenstangen? I sought you'd nefer ask! I shall be right back!”

“No! I mean... uhhh...” Rainbow winced, glancing all around. “I... I-I think I need to... uh... shower!”

“Awwww... Ze party magiks shtill plague you! Vant I should carry you zere?”

“What? No! I can... uh... f-find it myself! Thanks!”

“Vonderbar. I hope ze Fraulein doesn't mind! Vhen I found out zere vas no carriage to take you home, I, Photo Finish, decided to lend meine own hospitality!” Hoofsteps merrily skipped towards the other end of the apartment. “Taken sie all ze time zat you vant! I hafe so much to share vith you! Oh! Ze sheer inspiration of ze night dreams!” And her giggling voice frolicked off through the walls.

“Eeeeeeuuunnnghhh...” Rainbow trudged up to the bedside table, picked up the pitcher of water, and splashed it all over her face and dripping mane. “Nnnnngh... buck my life...”

Adding Insult to Injury

The bathroom door shut firmly behind Rainbow.

Photo's voice echoed merrily from beyond. “Now taken sie as much time as you vant, Fraulein Firefly! Ze ice vater is ze best known cure for hangovers! Vell, zat and eine hohe Toleranz-Ebene like meine, but not eferypony is eine zierliche Prinzessin from Awesometopialand like you.”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...” Rainbow Dash stared wearily into the shower stall while slipping out of her sleep-wrinkled gown.

“Just leaven sie ze dress hangink on ze door. I, Photo Finish, vill find you somesink else to vear! All guests in meiner Wohnung schould feel properly komforted and klosed!”

“And, like, that's totally cool of you and all, Photo... but...” Rainbow stepped gingerly out of her dress. Tossing her mane, she fidgeted while still gazing at the shower stall. “...does your bathroom have to be so friggin' creepy?”

“Hmmmm...?” Photo Finish's distant voice wandered away, then back. “Vat vas zat, meine friend?”

“Errrrr...” Rainbow sighed, ears folding. “Nothing.”

“Ach! I had zat schower custom-made! Ja, it's designed to symbolize ze natural schamelessness of ze kleansink process! Eferyday ve skrub and klean only to bekome filsy vonce again! It's all fery absurd, in its own vay...”

“Yeah, sure...” Shivering, Rainbow stepped naked into a giant porcelain basin built to look like a ceramic bird's nest. There—built into the tiled shower wall—was a huge gaping bird break flanked by porcelain feathers. “Yeesh. I can't tell if it's trying to eat me or vomit on me...” She squinted all over the gaping avian maw. “How the Hay do I turn this thing on?”

“Just turnen sie ze feazer, Frauleinnnn!”

“Turn the feather?” Rainbow's muzzle scrunched. She tentatively tapped one feather, then began turning it. “Nnnnnn-please don't make some creepy squawking sound...”

The plumbing behind the wall hissed. Not long after, twin streams of warm water trickled out of the giant beak's nostrils. Steam rose to the bathroom ceiling, tingling the pegasus' skin through her blue coat.

“Heeeey...” Rainbow exhaled calmly. “That's actually kind of relaxing.” Her contented smile lasted barely a minute. Soon she was wincing from the return of a migraine. “Nnnngh... dumb hangover. What I really need is cold water.” She gazed across the wall. “Let's see... that must beeeee...” She tapped the other porcelain feather. “...this one.”

SPLOOOSH! The huge gaping beak doused her with a waterfall of ice cold liquid. Rainbow fell back into the hollow of the gigantic ceramic bird's nest, flailing.

“Blarghalbglbraghllblarghl!”

“Oh! Be kareful vis ze oser feazer! It's uber sensitife, ja? I've been meanink to kall in for a repair but efery plumber in Manehattan sinks I'm mad for needink my 'moser bird' fixed. Hah! Kan't imagine vhy!”

Minutes later, Photo Finish trotted gaily around the kitchen table, setting the last of four places. She hummed to herself, smiling from ear to ear. At last, after the last plate was slid into place, she turned to face the far end of the artistically decorated studio.

“It's ready, Fraulein! Kome out, kome out, meine inshpirational friend!”

“Unnngh... Photo...?” Rainbow's voice cracked from someplace down the hall. “You absolutely sure that you don't have anything else that I could wear...?”

“Ja! I hafe many thinks!” Photo smilled, her shades glistening in the dawnlight through the apartment windows. “And ve are miraculously ze same preportions, you and I! But—sadly—today is a Sunday and eferysink is in ze wash! I'm afraid zis vill have to do for now!”

“Guhhhhhhh...”

“Oh, now, don't be shy!” Photo giggled. “Ve are all friends, here! I'm sure it looks wunderbar on you! Besides, it's traditional vere I come from!”

“Alright...” Twitching, fidgeting, Rainbow finally slinked out of the hallway and padded across the apartment floor. She clenched her teeth shut beneath bright red cheeks. As she passed by a grotesquely mutated silver vase on a pedestal, she looked at her warped reflection, along with the brown knee-high breeches with their wide suspenders trapped over a white-collared undershirt. A dark brown vest hung over Rainbow's upper body, making her cringe all the more.

Photo, meanwhile, was squee'ing. “Ach je! Just look at you!” She giggled. “Just like ze shpirit of shpring come to pluck flowers from ze earth!”

“Uh huh, yeahhhhh...” Rainbow shook one hind leg and then the other, grimacing. “Just... t-tell me one thing,” her voice cracked again as she winced so hard she squinted. “Are they made out of...” A gulp. “...actual leather?”

“Oh nein! Nein nein nein...” Photo Finish gestured. “I, Photo Finish, am an artist! I put takful sacrilege into collages, not on clozes.” She trotted over and straightened the vest around Rainbow's shoulders. “Ja, ze Finish family lederhosen is actually polyfinyl. Purely for innocent social gazerinks.” She adjusted her shades and smirked. “Zough Photo is aware of some Manehattan ponies who are secretly into zose sinks.” She pulled one suspender and let go.

Whap!

“Dah!” Rainbow winced, clutching her chest as Photo flounced away.

“Breakfast awaits!” the mare sing-songed. “Zough, first sinks first. I vant you to meet two fery shpecial guests of meine.”

“Nnngh... Oh really?” Rainbow stumbled into her chair with a shudder. She glanced across the room to where a vault hid behind a certain painting, then glanced back at Photo. “You... uh... have more ponies sleeping over than me?”

“Oh, ja,” Photo said, trotting over to a table and pulling a drawer open. “In fact, zey shtay here efery night and day. Photo Finish's life vouldn't be ze same visout zem.”

“Errr...” Rainbow gulped. “I just hope Trenderhoof isn't one of them.”

“Hah!” Photo spun around, holding a whistle in her hoof. “Sei nicht albern, Fraulein! I am a sane, pony!” Immediately after that, she blew hard into the whistle, nearly fracturing Rainbow's eardrums. “Jaeger! Gustav! Holt eure Ärsche her! Schnell!”

Rainbow recovered from the ringing in her skull just in time to hear two doors slamming open in unison. Two sets of hooves scuffled out into the distant hallway. Then—in perfect cadence with Photo's staccato whistling—the hooves stomped closer and louder, carrying a pair of identical little colts up to the breakfast table with serious faces.

Rainbow watched, eyes twitching.

Photo then blew the whistle twice.

Both colts thundered to a stop, standing stock-still and glaring across the table at Rainbow. They had matted snow-white manes cut in little bowls around their crowns, only one colt's hair was parted to the left and the other's parted to the right.

Photo blew a third time, followed with: “Sagen Sie Ihren Namen! Jetzt!”

One colt stomped forward two steps. “Mein Name ist Hans Gustav!” He barked.

As he thundered backwards, the second colt took two steps. “Mein Name ist Hans Jaeger!” He trotted back.

Both stomped their hooves one final time in unison. “Guten Morgen! Ve are both Hans!”

Dead silence.

Rainbow's jaw hung open. “Uhm... er...”

“Shpeechless?” Photo grinned. “Sehr gut! Zey are ze pride of my life! Twins, born on an Oktober mornink! I kouldn't decide vhich one to call Hans, so I decided—vy not both?! Zey represent two halfes of an artistik koin—or ze duality of a moser's love! Both righteous and vindictive! Like napalm!”

“I am ze Righteousness!” Hans said.

“I am ze Vindikation!” the other Hans said.

Both stomped their hooves and pressed adjacent forelimbs together. “Ve are both love!”

Rainbow nodded and nodded and nodded, muzzle agape. “Hello, Hans... Hans.” She gulped. “I am both confused.”

“Your hair is ugly!” the Gustav Hans said.

“Hans!” Photo whistled shrilly two times.

The same colt cleared his throat. “I mean zat it's unseemly kolor pattern brings unnecessary kontrast to ze room, vich is vy I shtill konsider it ugly!”

“Ja!” Jaeger Hans nodded. “I agree vith ze Vindikation!”

“Zere...” Photo smiled. “Aren't zey ze shmartest sinks you've efer set eyes upon, Fraulein?”

“Uhhhh...” Rainbow cleared her throat and adjusted her suspenders. “Think I'm ready for some orange juice, right about now,” she said raspily.

Miracle Breakfast

“Uhm...” Rainbow glanced up from poking at a bowl of porridge. “What's the projector for?”

“And after ze photo session, I, Photo Finish, vill show you ze Canter Park! It's ein herrliche Stück grün smack dab in ze middle of Manehattan!” She trotted around the table, pouring milk into Hans' and Hans' glasses. “Ze Hanses and I lofe to relax on ze park benches and vatch squirrels murder birds for bread.”

“Sounds... uh... awesome...” Rainbow gulped, her eyes narrowing on the white sheet erected before the table. “What's with the projector?”

“And aftervards, another photo shoot! Zis time by ze Haydson! Mmmmm... seagull vings make for a fine background to ze monochrome magiks! Don't you agree, Meine kleine Jungs?”

“Ja, Mutter!” the Hanses collectively throated, munching between words in perfect unison. Their eyes glued patiently to the sheet in front of them. “Ve are ready for ze mornink epiphany!”

“The morning what-now?”

“A day is like life!” Photo said, merrily trotting about the table. “It shtarts all golden and new! Zen it languishes srough optimistik blue shkies. Zen, in a natural cykle, it returns to darkness! Nein, I vould be a kriminal for not showink meine handsome Hanses ze beauty and ze tragedy of life in a blink!” She stood by the projector, grinning. “First! Life! In full bloom!” She cranked the thing and flipped it on. “Rejoice in the beginnink of all sings, meine Kinder!”

“Oh, hey!” Rainbow glanced up from fidgeting with her brown suspenders. “Breakfast and a movie! That's... uh... kinda snazzy.”

“Ja,” one of the Hanses nodded, munching on a muzzle full of oat-meal. “Ziz is Gustav's favorite part.”

“I am Gustav,” the other Hans said.

“Okaaaaay...” Rainbow turned to look at the flickering image broadcasting on the sheet. “Uhhh... hey! Jecuzzi party! Killer!” She blinked, then leaned forward. “Say, Photo, is that you?”

“Ja, Fraulein!”

“Why... are you just sitting in a big bath of cranberry juice?”

“Nein! It is a horse trough of vater!”

“Water?”

“And zat is nothink but ze glorious color of ze foalink.”

“Ah. Okay.” Rainbow nodded—then twitched. “Wait... the foaling?”

“Whoops! Ach Je!” Photo flipped another switch. “I forgot to turn ze sound on!” Click!

A warbling recording of Photo's hellish screams echoed across the room, making every breakfast plate and watcher pitcher rattle madly.

Rainbow winced, stretching her long-sleeved hooves to her ears. “Grrggh—What in the name of Celestia's sky muzzle is that?!”

“Ze nature of music!” Photo said, grinning wide. She had to yell to be heard above the sound of... her own yells. “Ze beauty of kreation is most exkuisite!” She leaned in to nuzzle the Jaeger Hans. “Don't you agree, Meine kleinen Prinzen?”

“Ja, mutter.” Both colts stared at the projection, scarfing down their breakfast.

“Oops! I forgot to revind all ze vay! It makes no difference.” Photo waved. “Zere are shtill five rounds of ze labor pains left to go.”

“Hrhhhkkk!” Rainbow clamped a hoof over her mouth as her blue cheeks turned green.

“In about two minutes, Gustav shall come floatink to ze top to join me in ze shkreams of life!” Photo beamed, squatting down to a seat across from Rainbow. She waited for the butter knife to rattle towards her before using it to slather margarine on a slice of toast. “Since konception, I knew zat an undervater birth vould be die gesündeste! But I did not vish to share zis magic alone! So I infited all meine friends to join me and hold hoofes around ze horse trough! Zey gave me ze spirit energy to surfife ze infersion of meine womb. Ja, most graceful.” She munched on a slice of bread, pointed, and gulped her morsel down. “Ah! Zere's Kurt, my manedresser right now. Vait... nein, zat's Natasha, fomitink. Silly fraulein.”

“Natasha is veak, mutter!”

“Sehr gut, Hanses! Zat is vy she is nefer infited to ze annual feast of livink!”

“What... urp...” Rainbow grimaced, teetering nauseously in her seat. “... is the f-feast of living?”

“Vonce a year meine foals and I shlice off a tiny piece of ze Hanses refrigerated placenta and shvallow it down vith ze grape juice!” Photo gulped another bite and smiled proudly at her sons. “In acht Jahre, you vill be old enough for vine! Isn't zat wunderbar?”

“Ja, mutter!”

With a gurgling sound, Rainbow collapsed out of her chair and landed on the floor.

“Mutter. Your guest is makink fine art on ze floor!”

“Ja. In your lederhosen too!”

“Mein Gott...” Photo glanced down at the floor, shrugged, and returned to watching the projection. “Poor graceful Awesometopialander.” A smirk. “At least it vill save her ze trouble ven we got to photograph ze cow carcasses later.” She gasped suddenly. “Sieh mal! Gustav! You are crownink!”

Cue the Manehattan Montage

“Guhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...” Rainbow Dash treated, her eyes rolling over a perpetually nauseated muzzle.

“Kwit vith ze vinink, Fraulein!” Photo Finish said, adjusting the collar of Rainbow's blouse. The dark confines of a stallion-drawn carriage rattled around them. “It betrays your regal beauty!” She leaned back, fluffing the poofs of Rainbow's shoulder sleeves. “After all, you need to look prim and proper durink ze photo shoot, ja?”

“The... ph-photo shoot?” Rainbow blinked at Photo. She noticed her reflection in the mare's shades. “Wait... h-how'd I get in this dress?” She glanced down at her intricately woven apron and flaring skirt. “How the buck did I get in this carriage?!”

“Heehee!” Photo leaned back in her seat and waved a hoof. “Ohhhhh Firefly! Ich liebe dich! You are so brazen and outshpoken, and yet—underneas it all—you are a delicate flower!”

“Yeah, well...” Rainbow fidgeted in her blouse, glancing out the window as the sidewalks and storefronts of downtown Manehattan blurred by. “Your morning epiphany did a real number on this 'delicate flower.'”

“Ja. Ze first fievink vill do zat do you.” Photo cracked the joints in her neck and said, “Worryen sie not. You vill get used to it by ze twentieth!”

“Twentieth?!” Rainbow barked. She winced, glanced at the flanks of the two stallions drawing the carriage ahead of them, then leaned in to hiss in Photo's ear. “Miss Photo, just what exactly do you have in mind?”

“Hmmmm?”

“It was awfully swell of you to take me home and nurse me out of my hangover, but I can't be your guest forever!”

“And vhy not?” Photo turned to face her with flouncing white bangs. “Ve are such perfect friends! Like a livink vell of inspiration juice, ja?”

“Sure... but... like...” Rainbow fidgeted, leaning away from Photo. “I-I've got a kingdom to go back to, remember?” She gulped. “Awesometopia won't defend itself from invaders, y'know.”

“Ah... but of course...” Photo Finish nodded. “Ze carrot bison, I sink you said?”

“Uhhhhh...” Rainbow blinked, then sighed, propping her chin atop her hoof as she glared out the window. “Good enough.”

“Relaxen sie, Fraulein!” Photo giggled, nuzzling the mare's shoulder. “You are so serious! Where is ze mare whom I sang with last night?”

Rainbow's eyes crossed. She rubbed her tired eyes, wincing. “Nnnnngh... we did sing, didn't we?”

“Ja! Sehr gut! It's comink back to you!”

“Yeah...” Rainbow muttered, opening her bleary eyes. “On a river of sledgehammers.” She twitched.

In one rear view mirror at the front of the carriage, Rainbow caught the grinning sight of an antler'd statue clinging to the back of the vehicle. Upon seeing Rainbow's gaze, Lancie smirked and gave a thumb's up with his talon.

Rainbow hissed, “What the buck do you think you're doing?!”

“Vat else?” Photo responded, shrugging. “I, Photo Finish, has to make a livink. Vat better a vay to introduce you to ze Manehattan social scene zan to let you see it from studio to studio?!” Photo grinned wide, slicing a hoof through the air. “Ve shall make ze magiks! And ve shall make zem togezer!”

“Yeah. Uh huh.”

“And ve vill get to know each ozer so well!” Photo Finish said, pumping her hooves like she was giving a melodramatic siloloquy. “And ze fires of inspiration shall breathe new life into Photo Finish! Ja! All because I hafe you by meine side!”

“Uhhh...” Rainbow blinked. She sat back in her seat, pondering out loud. “So... we'll be—like—best buds, huh?”

“Ja! And ze whole art scene vill bear vitness!”

“Best friends share secrets, r-right?”

“Absolutely!”

“Then...” Rainbow cleared her throat and leaned in slightly. “What's your favorite number?”

“Ach! Zat's easy!” Photo grinned. “Zero!”

Rainbow blinked. “...really?”

“Ja! Such a beautiful concept! I vish more artists embraced it!”

“Yeah. Uh... same here.” Rainbow coughed. “Uhhh... I don't suppose you have three more faves?” Rainbow grinned crookedly. “In any particular order?”

“Shtoppen sie, drivers!” Photo suddenly barked. The carriage grinded to a halt, causing Rainbow to bump her head at the top of the car. “Squeeee! Ze first shtudio of ze day! Aren't you excited, Fraulein?”

“Unnnnngh...”

Photo hooked her forelimb with Rainbow's. “Ve go!”

The Kind of Firefly, Every Firefly, Every Firefly Should Know

“Have you seen the new mare?”

“What new mare?”

“The one traveling in Photo Finish's entourage.”

“I can't say that I have.”

“Come to think of it, she is Photo Finish's new entourage!”

“Hmmm... come to think of it, that photographer has been a few bricks short of a load as of late. Is she finally reaching out once again?”

“Oh, it's the talk of the town! Photo met a fancily dressed mare at a party in the Paint Bucket Flat, and now they're like best friends!”

“Wow. Now that's not easy.”

“Some gorgeous fashion-savvy pony with a manestyle to die for.”

“You talk of her as if she's royalty...”

“That's what they're saying! A Duchess! Or maybe even a Princess!”

“What, you mean an alicorn? Here in Manehattan?!”

“I'm not sure. You ever heard of an alicorn who goes by the name of—?”

“Fraulein Firefly!” Photo shouted.

“Gah!” Cringing, Rainbow twirled in her gown and faced the opposite end of the studio.

Photo had a lineup of exotically dressed mares standing before a velvet curtain surrounded by floodlamps. A camera on a tripod faced them like a gun turret at a firing range.

“Look! Schnell!” Photo pointed. “I need help vith ze magiks!” She pointed at one bored-looking mare after another, each of which was dressed in gowns depicting completely random floral patterns. “I, Photo Finish, am kallink zis ze 'Survivor of Ze Forest fire!' But—Liebe Güte! I am at ze krossroads! Vich tree should be photographed visout ze ash and embers?! I need your help, meine friend! Bah! Ze symbolism eludes me!”

“Uhhhh...” Rainbow gulped, sweating beneath her third fashionable blouse of the day. It was difficult to see through the exotic manestyle that her prismatic bangs had been twisted in by one of Photo's many-many stylists. “These... are trees?” Rainbow's eyes darted from one lethargic eyeshadow'd gaze to another. The gowns looked more like interwoven leaves and strips of bark than actual dresses. “Look like ponies on the verge of a skin irritation to me.”

“Nein! Look beyond ze physikal, fraulein! Zis session is lost visout ze inspiration of a royal hoof!”

“Uhhhhh... uhhhh...” Rainbow Dash gulped. “I've... always b-been...” She squinted through one eye, wincing. “...fond of... apple trees?”

Photo Finish gazed at Rainbow.

Rainbow winced harder, watching her reflection in Photo's shades do the same.

Photo stared and stared and—“Sehr gut!” She grinned ecstatically. “Ze apple! Ze forbidden fruit! Vhy did Photo Finish not sink of zat?!” She lifted the camera and slapped it down in front of a pony covered in dangling dry apple skins. “After a crucible of fire, ve are all left vith our inner sins exposed! You!” She pointed at the mare in front of the lense. “Stayen sie here! Ze rest of you!” She slapped a hoof across the studio ground. “You go!”

Rainbow plopped back on her haunches, sighing in relief as the sounds of a camera shutter clicked constantly in front of her. As a pony passed by her, Lancie burst out of her bunned mane, leaning down to whisper in Rainbow's ear: “Try asking her what she was born!”

“I'm friggin' working on it!” Rainbow hissed back.

“Who, Madame Firefly? Of Awesometopia? Why, yes! Yes, I do know her.”

“You d-do?! You have to tell me everything for the Daily Bridle, Trenderhoof! Nopony's gotten this close to the Equestria-famous Photo Finish since her infamous divorce! What's this mare's secret?”

“This mare? Secrets? Pffft... please. I'm a writer; I can see through a pony's facade in a blink.”

“Oh? Then who is Madame Firefly? Who is she really?”

“I'll tell you right here and now! Madame Firefly is nothing but... the absolute most beautiful pony who's ever existed. Graceful in physique, yet rigid in determination and passion.”

“Uh huh. Uh huh. Mind if I write this down?”

“Pffft. Not at all. I already have three articles of myself written about the matter!”

“Wow... what inspiration! Have you published yet?”

“No ma'am.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I'm still reeling from the sheer enchantment of sharing the same room with her. Hrmmmmmmmm... yesssss... Yes, I do believe I am smitten. Not hard, considering her absolute radiance.”

“And charm, I bet! I mean... to have won Photo Finish's approval.”

“Look alive, my friend. And you can tell the Daily Bridle this! Photo Finish may be the most genius photographer living today, but her time has come and gone. If you want to know the true future of the Manehattan socialite scene—it's Firefly. Short and simple... and exquisite.”

“Nnnngh... Celestia, I swear...” Rainbow grimaced, fighting with the ruffles of an enormous skirt. “How in the hay am I gonna go about taking a crap with this thing on?”

“Vat vas zat, Fraulein?”

“Er... n-nothing!” Rainbow Dash glanced up, smiling awkwardly. “Fire away!” FLASH! She instantly winced.

Squatting across the sidewalk from her was Photo Finish, kneeling low with the camera. The green grass of Canter Park stretched widely on either side of the pair. A group of bodyguards and fashion stylists stood close by, waiting on Photo's beck and call. Not too far away, a thick group of gawking ponies and onlooking citizens craned their necks to get a better look at the photo shoot. A few bodyguards had to rope the place off, constantly keeping an eye on random joggers and passer-by's.

“Ah! Wunderbar!” Photo squee'd while taking shot after shot. “And ze vay ze buildinks compliment ze blue shine of your coat!” She clicked and clicked and clicked away. “If ze sky vere to bloom flowers, it vould not produce a bud as nice as you!”

“That's... pretty flattering, Photo.” Rainbow flapped her wings. “I don't suppose you could photograph me in the sky where it's cooler—”

“Nein! Nein!” Photo barked, waving a hoof over her camera. “Stoppen sie vith ze feasers!”

Rainbow bit her lip, instantly coiling her wings at her side. “M-my bad!”

“Yes... yessssss...” Photo side-trotted to get a better angle. “I, Photo Finish, am kallink zis 'Jubilee of Ze Rainbow!'”

Rainbow Dash gulped. “Hah! Hahah... wow, what a... fancy schmancy title you've chosen!” She adjusted her collar as her cheeks burned red.

“And after ve finish in ze park, I shall take you to Thirteenth Street! Zere ve vill dine on lotus flowers until our shtomachs burst!” Another squee. “Ach! Ze konkerink fiece of an artist!”

“Hey...Thirteenth Street! That's swell!” Rainbow said, smiling nervously. “And... wh-who'd a thunk it! Your apartment's on Twenty-Fourth street!” She gulped. “Thirteen.. Twenty-Four... those are some nifty numbers, don't you think?”

“Ja. Ja.” Click click. “Sehr gut.”

“Almost... m-makes you wonder if there's... uh... a significance!” Rainbow grinned, sweating. “Y'know... to the two places you like to hang out so much?”

“Ja! Zere is!”

Rainbow leaned forward in her dress. “And what is that?”

“Zey are both in Manehattan! Ze city of opportunity!” Photo leaned back, adjusting her shades with a grin. “Ze same city zat brought Firefly... to Photo Finish!” And she resumed snapping away.

Rainbow Dash groaned, eyes rolling. She glanced to the side, spotting a statue with antlers sticking its head out of a bush. Lancie waved wildly, then held up a four digit license plate. He pointed at it with a talon while grinning triumphantly.

Rainbow's eyes bulged. She glanced at the barren rear of Photo's parked carriage, then turned to hiss at the bush. “You friggin' put that back!”

“Huh?” Photo glanced over her camera. “Vat did you say?”

Rainbow paled, looking like a Dash in headlights. “Uhhhh... uhmmm...”

“Ah! A good call!” Photo frowned at her camera. “Zis is ze absolute vorst lens to be usink for zis shoot! Bah! Danke, Fraulein, I shall change it right away!” She turned and whistled to two of her stallion servants who came dashing over immediately with a camera bag.

Rainbow sighed, slumping towards the grass. A locust hopped and landed on her muzzle, and she lazily blew it away with a dull breath.

“Wow... she and Photo certainly are drawing a crowd. When was the last time the photographer got this much attention?”

“Hey! Koopa!”

“Erm... it's Coco—”

“Whatever! For the last time—am I paying you to make small talk?!”

“N-no, Suri!”

“Then shut up and start taking notes!”

“Yes, Suri!”

“Hrmmm... hard to see from here, even with binoculars.”

“M-maybe if you adjusted the viewing field—”

“I said take notes!”

“Yes, ma'am! Taking notes, Suri, ma'am!”

“Hmmph. Stupid intern. Where was I? Ah yes... as far I can tell from here, the supposed 'Duchess' or 'Governess' or 'Whatever' from Awesometopia has absolutely no social grace. I mean—just look at her! She's gonna get grass stains all over that beautiful gown! I mean, it must have cost Photo Finish five grand! The imported silks don't come cheap! But—still—it begs the question. Just what does Photo see in this strange mare? Photo hasn't been her usual self since the divorce, and rumors abound about her health. Even from this distance I can see her stumbling to take her shots with the camera. Hmmmm... Perhaps this 'Firefly' is some sort of a con artist. Yes... that would make loads of sense! She must have studied up on Photo's career before dropping in on her at the Paint Bucket Flat! If she knew every way to push Ms. Finish's buttons just right, then no wonder the artist had no time to pay attention to the likes of me! Well, I'm gonna get to the bottom of all this! And once I've uncovered the truth, and exposed Firefly for the fraud that she is, Photo Finish will have me in her complete trust, not to mention her undivided attention! Hah! Then we'll see who's scraping the bottom of the bit bag for some decent gourmet coffee in this crummy town! Hmmmm-heheheheh-yesssss. So, Cobra, you got all that down?”

“'Stu... pid... in... tern...'”

“What?! Grrrrrr—Dammit! Gimme that notepad! Hmmmph! I have to do everything myself around here! Now I... wait... what? Pffft... you mean I actually gotta write this stupid thing using my mouth?! Guh! What's this kingdom coming to?! I'm gonna sue somepony!”

The Neigh Science

“Look out, Ekwestria!” WHAM! Photo Finish bucked the front door open to her apartment and slid triumphantly inside. “Ze mares of Manehattan hafe rerturned!” She danced in place, giggling inwardly, then spun to whistle at a train of suited stallions. “Schnell! Bringen sie ze shpoils of kapitalism!”

The stallions groaned and grunting, carrying hulking shopping bags full of gowns, shoes, hairpieces, and rolls of photographic film. Behind them, Rainbow Dash lightly hovered in a green dress, wincing at all of the strain that the bodyguards were being forced to endure. They dropped the bags in the center of the front room, then partially collapsed to catch their breaths.

“Uhhhhhh... y'know...” Rainbow gulped and glanced up into the waning sunlight. “I thought that all we were going to do today was ride from studio to studio and take photographs.”

“Ja! But ve did!” Photo yanked Rainbow down for a side-hug. She gestured ecstatically at the rows of bags. “And zen some! Heehee! I shwear! I, Photo Finish, hafe not had zis kind of liberatink and impulsive fun in years!”

“Well, that's good for you and all, but...” Rainbow winced. “I mean, face it, Photo. Even you can't be made of money!”

“Hah hah hah! And all of zis komink from a delightfully spoiled monarch!”

“Eh heh heh... yeahhhhhhh...”

“Worryen sie not, Fraulein!” Photo adjusted her shades with a smirk. “Photo Finish is on good terms with pony akountants, ja?”

“Sure... I believe ya.” Rainbow smiled awkardly, pointing with her long-sleeved hoof. “Say, speaking of numbers... girrrrrrrlfriend... you never did tell me your four favori—”

“Ze Hanses!” Photo shouted across the house, forcing Rainbow to wince. “You zwei foals better hafe done your shtudies!”

“Ja, mutter! Ve read all ze vay srough 'Ze Anticolt!'”

“Ja! It's hard to believe zat Neightzsche vent insane on his ill-fated trip to Bitaly!”

“Ve vill talk about it in ze mornink! Now Gute Nacht!”

“Gute Nacht, mutter!”

Photo swiveled back to smile at Rainbow Dash. “A night kap sounds sehr gut, ja, Fraulein Firefly?”

“Guhhhh...” Rainbow was busy rubbing her ringing ears. “What...?”

“Ahem...” One of the many stallions in a suit trotted up. “Miss Finish?”

“Ja? Vat is it?”

“I just checked with the front desk,” he said in a low tone. “Apparently representatives of Canter Family and Loan came by again while you were gone...”

“Ach je!” Photo Finish slapped her forehead, groaning. “Zis is ze seventh time in ze row!”

“If I may be so bold, ma'am...” The stallion leaned forward, adjusting his shades. “It would probably be a good idea to double security during your open house party. You've been drawing a lot of attention to yourself lately, and—well—with the sort of reputation that Don Canter and his associates have, it might even be a good idea to postpone the event.”

“Open house party...?” Rainbow Dash murmured.

“Did I not tell you, Fraulein?” Photo turned towards her. “Ze party at zis apartment is a go! Efer since zat night at ze Paint Bucket Flat, I hafe been feelink rejufenated!” She pumped a hoof for emphasis, then turned to frown at the bodyguard. “Nein! Ve are most certainly not kancelink anysink! And for your information, I, Photo Finish, don't like talkink to Don Kanter's ponies because zey shmell!”

“Er... very well, Miss Finish,” the guard said, bowing his head slightly. He turned and trotted limply over the mountains of shopping bags. “I swear, if this gig didn't pay well...”

Rainbow was about to say something when Photo dragged her down by the tail and ushered her to the other side of the dimly-lit apartment. “Firefly, my newest and best friend! Meine veins throb with ze art magiks!”

“Yeah, well...” Rainbow wheezed and put on a plastic smile. “Better that than to be th-throbbing with something else!”

“As much as I hate to do so, I must part vays vith your glorious presence for a few hours!” Photo paused by a series of mare statues and posed like one of them. “But only bekause I feel inshpired to make ze latest photographic gallery! I shvear, if you hadn't fallen into meine lap, I vould be dry as a bone right now!”

“Well, uhm, happy to plummet—”

“But as for zis open house! Liebe Güte! It vill be to die for! Eferypony who is eferypony vill be here! And I absolutely must show zem ze source of meine inshpiration while I unfeil meine latest masterpiece!” Photo slid forward on two knees and slapped her front hooves together. “Oh please... please, Fraulein! Won't you stayen sie vith me at least srough that evenink?! It vill mean all ze world to me!”

“Well...” Rainbow winced, avoiding her reflection in the mare's shades. “So long as it means so m-much to you, then... I-I guess I could—”

“Ach! Wunderbar!” Photo Finish hopped straight up, grinning wide. “I shvear, you are like a beautiful dove!”

“But—like—there are pigeons all over this crazy city.”

“Nein! But you truly are! A vhite dove of purpose and beauty! Just like in meine dreams!” She glanced at a functioning “melted” clock up on the wall. “Ach! Look at ze time! I must arrange a masterpiece! And you must sleep!”

“But—”

“Now go!” And Photo headbutted Rainbow into the guest room.

“Gaaaaah!” Rainbow rolled, tumbled, and landed upside down against the bed, blinking awkwardly at the dark ceiling. The door behind her closed shut, and she was alone.

But not for long.

“Ghhhhh!” With a bit of struggle, a little gray statue lifted the window to the cool evening air. The dull hush of street noise accompanied his wheezing breaths as he leaned against the window frame and smirked Rainbow's way. “So... do you always dress in style, or...?”

“... ... ... ...!” Rainbow's blue muzzle heated to a crimson boiling point. “Rrrrrrrgh! Buck this!”

“Whoah!” Lancie pretended to wince, clasping two talons together in a “pinching” motion. “Careful there, little lady! I know you've spent a few days in Manehattan, but watch the gutter whinny.”

“No, seriously, buck this!” Rainbow growled as she shook and wriggled and shimmied out of the constrictive green gown. “Buck the shopping! Buck the photo shoots! Buck the high priced gourmet brunches! Buck the smell of sewage and cheap perfurme! Buck creepy little twins and even their even creepier morning movies! Buck photography, buck art, buck pigeons, and buck Manehattan!” She finally stripped off the dress and flung it like a slingshot against the wall. “Graaaaaaaaaugh!” She pulled at her hair as she hovered in a tight, angry circle. “This was the worst idea on top the veritable Mount Manuregiblets of bad ideas!”

“Pffft!” Lancie rolled his eyes and propped his chin on a paw. “I could have told you that days ago. In fact, I did tell you that days ago!”

“Don't rub it in!”

Lancie smirked tiredly. “But it was you who decided to ditch being Jockey McClane for Maretha Stewart! Now look where it's got you...”

“I swear, headbutting diamond dogs was like pancakes compared to this!”

“You're telling me that in all of the squeaky clean platonic marefriending that you both did together for hours on end, she didn't once make a single mention of a four digit number that might open her vault?”

“No!” Rainbow spun towards him, snarling. “I haven't gotten a chance to get anything of the sort out of her! I've been going completely batty! Between her crazy weird photo shoots and impulsive shopping and foalita dress fetishes and her bird baths—” Rainbow's eyes bulged. “Unnnnnghhhhh!” She slapped her forehead and leaned her neck way, way back. “It's a bird bath! A bird bath!”

“Buh?”

Rainbow frowned at Lancie. “Her shower, doofus! Grrrr! Now I'm starting to actually get her! That's it!” She zipped towards the window and opened it wider, spreading her wings to the upper Manehattan breeze. “I am so out of here.”

“You're giving up already?” Lancie remarked.

“Pffft! I don't need any of this crud!” Rainbow frowned. “And I certainly don't need a wish granted for Applejack that badly. I wanna help her out? Fine. I'll go fly on over to Sweet Apple Acres tomorrow and... paint her barn or something!”

“Very well then.” Lancie yawned before reclining limply across the window sill. “Guess the shard will just have to continue marinating in the hooves of ignorant ponies until its untapped power consumes untold amounts of innocent victims.”

Rainbow stood in place, frozen solid on the window ledge.

“But, please, by all means, don't let me stop you from helping Princess McFreckle Y'allsalot with her exterior decorating.”

“... ... ...” Rainbow clenched her eyes shut. She groaned, then slumped backwards into the dark bedroom once again. “Fine.”

Lancie bore a stone smile. “I knew you'd come to your senses.”

“Stuff it,” Rainbow said. “I'm sticking around, but I'm no longer beating around the bush.” She trotted across the apartment and planted her fuzzy blue ear against the door. “You'll see. Just as soon as Miss Gesundheit and her Tartarus spawn are asleep...”

Lancie sat up straight. “...yeah?”

“I'm going to try my luck on the vault again,” Rainbow muttered. Her brow furrowed. “I'm getting into that thing even if I have to explode it.”

“And if that doesn't work?”

She spun and spat at him. “Then I'll explode it harder!”

“Now that's the spirit!”

“Boh.”

Starring Jodie Foalster

Inside a cramped bedroom full of posters of local Manehattan goth bands, two identical figures slept side by side in identical twin-sized beds. A blood-red night-light illuminated their snoring muzzles.

“Zzzzzzz... death... zzzzzzshnorrrr... ennui... zzzzzzzzz-snkk-snkkkk... eternal rekurrence...”

A petite pegasus shadow snuck down the dark-lit hallway outside. The shadow paused, stared into the room, and rolled its ruby eyes.

Seconds later, Rainbow was sneaking into the living room of the high-rise apartment flat.

“They give me the friggin' willies, I swear to Luna,” Rainbow hissed, feeling her way along several thick-framed paintings along the wall. “Colts from Brayzil, ya feel me?”

“Can I just say that I find this place to be wonderfully charming?” Lancie said from where he perched across her back. “I don't know what it is, but there's something about it that just...” He rubbed his stone chin with a talon, then blurted, “...screams 'Tartarus!'”

“Yeah. I bet it made you real homesick.”

“I'll have you know that I've never made that lousy place a residence!” Lancie folded his arms and upturned his chin. “... ... ... I only visited in the spring.”

“Where's that dayum secret panel?”

“And that was always right after love bug season. I mean—really, universe? Isn't the fire and brimstone enough without insects doing the honeymoon hokey-pokey in your teeth?”

“Shhh! I think I found it!” Rainbow pressed her hoof to the triple portrait. As the piece of the wall rotated to expose the panic room, Rainbow squinted at the painting. “Huh... these three blobs? I think I get it now.”

“Alas, how the Spark has changed.”

“Quiet, you.” Rainbow slithered her way into the chamber. “Everyone's asleep. This is as long a chance I'll get to examine the vault and—” She bumped into a frame in the dim-light. “Gah!”

“Nice moves, Fred Astallion.” Lancie looked up at the huge canvas she had just collided with. “Hey! It's that large painting you beautifully defaced with your hooves! She kept it!”

“Yeah, I'm surprised she didn't friggin' cover it in bronze.”

“Well, that would just ruin the signature.”

“We're not here to be art critics.” Rainbow placed Lancie down and approached the vault. “Now, if I can just figure where this thing is the weakest...”

“I don't suppose she keeps any spare ordinance around from Whinny War II...?”

“Please, now's not the time.”

“Well, how else do you plan to 'explode' this puppy?”

“I'll think of something!” Rainbow grunted.

“Yes, because you've done so very well at the whole 'improvisation' schtick since you got here.”

“Lancie...”

“I'm telling you, this is why you should have brought me in the first place!”

“Can't you—I dunno—telepathically summon the shard to open the vault from the inside?”

“... this is why you shouldn't have brought me in the first place.”

“Unnnnngh...” Rainbow rolled her eyes, peering across the room. “I swear, you're no friggin' help at—” She paused, blinking. “Wait.”

“Hmm? What is it, Guilty Spark?”

“... ... ...” Rainbow trotted up to a spare ponyquin. She pointed at the white wig and white tail hairs stuck to it, along with a pair of shades. “These... these are hers.”

“Of course, Einstallion. They're all hers.”

“But...”

“Heck, if your new Fraulein Friend could fit the Empire Stallion Building in here, she would!”

“Nah, it can't be...” Rainbow leaned in, squinting. “Can it?”

“Seriously, Sparky. You're losing me.” The statue's eyes twitched. “And that's universe-breaking.”

“Everywhere we've gone the past few days, I've heard ponies talking behind our backs—but mostly just Photo's,” Rainbow said. “Something about... about a sickness that she's been dealing with ever since her recent divorce.” She tapped her chin. “Or was it before the divorce?”

“What is this all of the sudden, Neighs of Our Lives?”

Rainbow swiveled to face him. “Photo's been spending tons and tons of money lately! Even before she met me, she was buying all the crap to fill in this panic room! Plus your shard from the black market!” Rainbow's eyes narrowed in thought. “Since when does a starving artist feel that it's okay to spill out her purse like that?”

“... ... ...” Lancie blinked up at her. “General Hayspital?”

“Nnnngh...” Rainbow facehoofed. “Lancie, for real! I think I'm onto something here!” She turned towards the ponyquin again. “I don't think it's any coincidence that Photo's latched onto me like she has! Maybe... like... maybe she's been needing an excuse to let loose and get her kicks in before it's too late!”

“What for?”

“Perhaps...” Rainbow's ears folded back slightly as her lips pursed. “...perhaps the mare doesn't have much to live for these days.”

“Well, perhaps you could ask her yourself.”

“Huh?”

Lancie shrugged and pointed out into the main room. “Unless it's the refrigerator making those hoofsteps.”

Rainbow craned her neck. She heard a dainty yawning sound, followed by the twitchy shadow of a petite mare that came to a stop just outside the secret panel: “Vas is das...?”

“Megacrud!” Rainbow wheezed, looking every which way. “Gotta hide!” She threw herself behind a large armored statue.

“But-but-but...” Lancie winced, jerking in place. “What do I do?!”

“The hay should I know?!” Rainbow hissed from where she hid. “Blend in!”

“Uhhhh... uhhhh...” Lancie looked all around. At last, he hopped up onto a high shelf, emptied a carton full of light bulbs, held one in his hand, and struck a jubilant pose.

And all just seconds before a light switch was struck.

Flip!

Stand Up and Take a Bow

Rainbow Dash stood dead still, her body pressed to the suit of armor inside the small panic room. Her ruby eyes adjusted to the bright light that had just been switched on. Shuffling hoofsteps scraped across the floor as—just beyond Rainbow's line of sight—Photo Finish strolled into the room's small space.

There was a pause in the steps, followed by a tapping sound. At last, Photo Finish's voice murmured in a raspy manner: “Hmmm... vhy does it shmell like pigeon presents in here?”

Rainbow's nose scrunched. She frowned in the direction of Lancie, but maintained her hidden position.

“I, Photo Finish, certainly don't remember openink ze door to meine treasures...”

Rainbow bit her lip, feeling her own heartbeat pound in her ears.

The hoofsteps came closer... closer.

Rainbow clenched her teeth.

Photo Finish was so close, Rainbow could even smell the photographer's breath. After a few agonizing seconds, Rainbow could hear the mare opening and closing the helmet guard to the armored statue.

“Hmmm... shtartink to rust, ja?”

More silence.

“Nnnngh... how long has it been since I fiewed meine masterpiece?” The hoofsteps drew closer to the vault.

Rainbow's ears perked up. She took another deep breath, squatting low and tilting her head towards the safe.

Photo Finish approached the large iron door. Her hoof drifted up towards the number pad.

Rainbow Dash started to sweat. She craned her neck in a desperate bid to see where Photo's limb would go.

Suddenly, the mare stopped cold. Rainbow detected a head shaking left and right.

“Neine...” A yawn. “Maybe in ze mornink. I, Photo Finish, hafe much sleep to do...”

Rainbow hissed. “Oh come on—!” Her hooves slipped. With bulging eyes, Rainbow felt herself collapsing into the suit of armor.

Claaaaaaang!

The various pieces of the suit rattled in opposite directions, spilling all across the floor of the secret chamber.

Photo Finish practically flew off the ground in flight. “Vas?! Wo?!” In Rainbow's peripheral, she sensed a frail blue shadow rushing up to the ponyquin and slapping on a white wig with purple shades. By the time Rainbow uprighted herself, she could see Photo's trademark face frowning in her direction. “Vho goes zere?! I know Trot Kwan Do!”

Rainbow wheezed, lying upside down amidst armored pieces. “Wh-where the heck did you train in Trot Kwan Do?!”

Photo gasped the mother of all gasps. “Fraulein Firefly?!” Her wig nearly slid off, and she struggled to slide it back into place. Rainbow could see Photo in all of her unclothed glory, and she was a remarkably skinny creature with a cutie mark so faded it was difficult to ascertain in even the bright light of that room. “Ich verstehe dich nicht! Vhat are you doink in zis room?! How did you even find it?!”

“Uhhh...” Rainbow stood up, wincing. “Look, Photo, I can explain...”

“Zis is ze holiest of Photo Finish's holies!” The photographer snarled in true, blue anger. “Nopony is allowed in here! Not even ze Hanses!”

“For real! I-I can explain everything!”

“I sought you vere supposed to be in ze guest room!” Photo spat. “I, Photo Finish, give you all of my kourtesy and attention and zis is how you repay meine art magiks?!”

Rainbow legitimately winced. “It's not like that!”

“Zen vat is it like?!”

“I... you see... uh...” Rainbow glanced to her right. Lancie was shaking his head from where he hid atop a shelf. Rainbow then glanced to her left. Her eyes blinked at the sight of a large canvas covered all over in hoofprints and defacing paint streaks.

“Vell?! I am vaitink for an explanation!”

Rainbow blinked... then blinked again. At last, she turned and looked boldly at the photographer. “The thing is, I've been here before.”

Lancie face talon'd.

Photo's brow furrowed from behind her purple shades. “Vat...?” Her muzzle drooped. “Vat do you mean by zat?! If zis is some kind of cruel joke, I, Photo Finish, am not laughink—”

By this point, Rainbow Dash had flown over to the canvas. With a sigh, she held her hoof up to one of the many hoofprints.

Photo froze in place. In silent awe, she trotted over and glanced at Rainbow's hoof, then at the hoofprint, then at Rainbow's hoof, then at the hoofprint again.

“Do you see?” Rainbow muttered.

“Liebe Güte...!” Photo nearly collapsed in shock. “Zat vas you?”

Rainbow nodded.

“Oh Fraulein... Fraulein Firefly, Wunderbar!” Photo hopped in place, her wig and “tail” flouncing. “Deep in meine heart, I knew it! You are ze angel who flew in vone day and bestowed ze blessinks of ze art magiks vhen I vasn't lookink!”

“Oh... totally.”

“Vhy didn't you tell me?!” Photo grasped Rainbow's hoof and examined it once more besides the paint-streaks across the canvas. “Vhy did you keep it a sekret?! Zere are so many vonderful kwestions to be asked! So much truth I could learn from ze mastery zat you hafe exhibited!”

“Well, I... uh...” Rainbow glanced in a certain statue's direction. She smiled and shrugged. “I didn't want to overwhelm you—Whoah!”

She had been tugged down into Photo's squeezing hug. “Ach! Fraulein, Ich liebe dich! You are truly a goddess of art! Ve truly vere destined to kross paths! Please!” She grinned into Rainbow's face. “You must show me more of ze glorious Awesometopialander finesse! I vould do anysink!”

Rainbow opened her mouth to say something, lingered, then murmured, “Anything...?”

“Ja! Visout kwestion!”

“Well, then...” Rainbow cracked the joints in her neck and smirked. “Point me in the right direction, gurrrrrl.”

“Sehr gut!” Photo hopped in place, then went scampering. “I vill get ze paint and canvas!”

As Photo trotted off, Rainbow glanced up at a certain shelf with a victorious smile.

Lancie groaned and returned with a particular gesture.

“Say, Photo!” Rainbow called into the next room with a smirk. “Any chance I can make my next masterpiece in gravel...?”

Lancie made himself scarce.

A Thousand Words

“Schnell, Fraulein!” Photo Finish hollered from across the apartment. “Fly sviftly! Make ze art magiks like ze vind!”

“Erm... but... uhhh...” Rainbow fidgeted in midair. “That's kinda sorta what I've been doing for the past two hours.”

“Do not argue with Photo Finish!” the mare exclaimed, stomping her hooves. “Sinking is your vorst enemy! Do not pause to kontemplate! Simply live and brease zat vich you know by heart!”

“Well, alright.” Rainbow shrugged, dipped two hoofbrushes into separate cans of paint, and held them in the crooks of her hooves. “I'll have a go!” Holding her breath, she dove off the table with both brushes trailing after her. Specks of paint dribbled across a sea of haphazardly set plastic sheets all across the apartment floor. At last, Rainbow Dash soared over a plain white canvas in the center of the room—only it wasn't plain or white anymore. Two hours of swift fly-by's had left a myriad of multi-colored paint streaks all across the surface, almost as complex and vibrant as Rainbow's own prismatic mane itself. Diving low, Rainbow added two more streaks to the chaotic mosaic. While Photo cooed and cheered in the background, the pegasus swung around, came for another turn, and added yet another pair of streaks.

“Ja! Ja!” Phot squirmed and hopped in place. She fanned herself while condensation clung to her rosy shades. “True spontaneity and beauty at its finest! Fraulein, I, Photo Finish, do believe zat you hafe made a doppelganger of yourself in zis field!”

“I'll... uh... pretend to understand that.”

“Nein! Do not understand! If it slows you down to ascertain, zen ignore it! Be ze air and make movement!”

“Oh, I can make movement alright.” Rainbow held her breath, dipped the brushes in two different colors, and swung by again. “Aaaaaaaaaaand... zoop!”

“Squee!” Photo grinned, her cheeks rosy as she danced around the canvas. “Sehr gut! Such magnificent inshpiration! I svear, you vere foaled to make colors and lines blend!”

“I dunno, P.F.” Rainbow smirked breathlessly from where she hovered in mid-air. “It just looks like a bunch of weird squiggly lines to me.”

“Ze squiggles become you! And you become ze squiggles! Don't you see, fraulein?” Photo leapt up and grabbed Rainbow's hooves.

“Whoah!” Rainbow dropped the brushes to the plastic sheets as she felt herself being dragged down to the apartment floor.

“Ze magiks happen in ze moment!” Photo exclaimed as the two petite ponies spun around by their conjoined forelimbs. “Hah hah hah! Ja! It cannot be planned or konstructed at length! Zere is no tomorrow or yesterday! Only ze vild and unpredictable now!”

“You m-mean like th-this?!” Rainbow chuckled helplessly. “Careful, girl, or you'll pop a muscle!”

“I cannot help it!” Photo twirled with a graceful pirouette. “Ze magiks! Zey consume me—whoah! Ach je!” She teetered and plummeted towards the floor.

“Gah!” Rainbow caught the mare, albeit haphazardly. Both plummeted into a pile of plastic sheets. “Ooomf!”

Photo clutched her tummy, giggling wildly.

Rainbow sat up, blowing her bangs out from her forehead. “Horseapples, girl!” Rainbow smirked. “Anypony ever tell you that you're a few feathers short of a duster?”

“Heeheehee! Ja! I hafe been kalled many sings!” Photo chuckled and chuckled. She lay back with her forelimbs curled over her chest as she smiled at the painting. “Ahhhhh... if only zis insphiration came sooner...”

“Why do you say that?”

“Ach, Fraulein...” Photo rolled to the side with a gentle smile. “I, Photo Finish, vould not vish to make ze moment bitter.” She gulped, her smile remaining in a faint haze. “But, suffice it to say zat zere are more days behind zan ahead.”

“Oh, come on now...” Rainbow shrugged, smiling across the plastic sheets at the mare. “You don't know that.”

“Ah, but I do...” Photo's breaths evened out, and she reached a pair of hooves up to her shades. “Vhen my husband left me, he left a korpse in ze makink, only ze korpse knew it not... vhich is vhy he kouldn't shtand to bear ze grief on his own.” The shades camed off, and a pair of glossy eyes appeared like jaded sapphires. In the dim light of the apartment, they made Photo's pale blue face look empty and hollow. “And vith time, zat korpse kame to undershtand ze frailties of all magiks visout him, art or none.”

“I...” Rainbow blinked, her muzzle scrunching. “I'm afraid I don't read you.”

“Zere are fery few who kan.” Photo gulped, her eyes turning thinner. “Efen Photo Finish herself. Ja... such a perilous journey vhen vone knows ze destination is zat much kloser.” She glanced at the shades in her hooves. “Zat is vhy she has skoured ze city for truth and beauty.” Her lips curved. “Little did she know zat beauty would find her... a last glimpse of ze magiks.”

By this point, Rainbow Dash was trying her hardest not to wince. “Photo, I... I d-don't know if I'm exactly what you think I am—”

“Nein. In ze end, it is vhat ve all choose to sink, ja?” Photo glanced tiredly across the way. “All I see in you is ze magiks zat you make. Das ist toll. And so is ze magiks zat ve all hafe to make, efen vhen ve don't realize it.”

“Whatever you're struggling with, Photo, I'm sure you'll pull through,” Rainbow said. “I mean... y-you're a strong mare!”

“Hmmmm. Shtrong? Maybe. A dreamer, perhaps.” Photo sniffled, gazing towards the night-drenched windows. “My body shtarted failink me months ago. At first, Photo Finish kould manage. Zen ze faintink shpells began visout varnink. I shtarted to vonder if ze day vould kome sooner zan later vhen I vould no longer be able to shpeak vith meine Hanses.” Her eyes briefly lit up. “But zen... I had a fision... a vondrous hallucination of ze magiks.” She gulped, stretching her forelimb out. “I kame to, and I saw meine hoof outstretched towards ze heavens... and I vas releasing doves—ja, an entire flock—and zey were fillink ze sky with brilliance and kolor. Such inexplicable birds, like klouds from ze core of meine lungs.” Her eyes narrowed. “I realized I, Photo Finish, shtill had vone final masterpiece to make. Zis next party at ze apartment... I vill impress eferypony... I vill make ze Hanses proud, efen if it's ze last sink zat I do...”

“That's... that's one heck of a plan, Photo,” Rainbow said. “But there's no need to talk about it as if it's your last.”

“Ah, Fraulein...” Photo smiled tiredly at the pegasus. “Don't you see? It does not matter. Zere is so much beauty in meine life now. And you...” She smiled and shut her eyes. “You are ze doves...”

Rainbow chuckled, rolling over to stare up at the ceiling. “That... that's kind of pushing it.” A gulp. “If anything, I've always seen myself as something of a falcon.” Her brow furrowed. “Though my friends would probably say 'an albatross.'” A beat. “But, y'know, that's super nice of you, Photo.” Silence. “Photo?” She glanced aside.

The mare's eyes were shut. Her lips pursed as her body rose and fell in slow, slumbering breaths. A lingering smile clung to the photographer's face.

Rainbow blinked. Slowly—carefully—she stood up, trotted over, and slid her hooves under Photo's figure. It was frightening just how light the mare's body was. Still, Rainbow flapped her wings, lifted the pony, and carried her over to a comfortable sofa far away from the plastic sheets and paint splatters. Once Photo was lying on the cushions, she squirmed and curled up with a quiet murmur, then was once more fast asleep.

Rainbow drifted back, hovering at length. A scrawny shadow crawled out of the far corner and stood beneath her.

“I... uh... I'm rather ass over elbow when it comes to saying poignant things at a moment such as this.”

“Then don't,” Rainbow grunted without looking at him.

Nevertheless, the statue scratched his chin and glanced up at the mare. “You're never going to find out the code from her, are you?”

“I'm not sure I even have to.”

“Huh?”

“Isn't it obvious, Lancie?” Rainbow drifted downward and spoke over her shoulder. “Photo intends to unveil some sort of 'masterpiece' at the upcoming open house. I don't think I've had the chance to lay my eyes upon this thing. And I can think of one good reason.”

Lancie gulped. “It's inside the vault.”

“Right.” Rainbow nodded. “She'll open it for us. And when she does...”

“You'll grab what we came for as planned, right?”

“... ... ...”

“Yoohoo. Equestria to Sparky.”

“I need to get some sleep,” Rainbow muttered, turning from Photo and drifting towards the far end of the apartment. “All of this craziness has gotten me tuckered out.”

“Well, I'm not tired in the slightest!”

“Tough cookies,” Rainbow grunted. “You were an idiot for coming here in the first place.”

“Hey, Sparky.”

“Yeah, what, Lancie?”

“...you can't help ponies who won't help themselves. You know that, right?”

Rainbow paused by the hallway. She took a deep breath, then frowned. “Yeah, well, if some of us could be paid for preaching to the choir...”

Silence.

“Hrmmff... whatever...” Rainbow sighed her way into the room. “Find a place to hide. I don't want to wake up to the Hanses using you for a bayonet.”

“For once, we can agree on something.” Lancie took one last look at Photo's sleeping form and dashed off into the shadows to disappear.

Sweet and Petite

“And this just in from the local Manehattan Art Scene. It's official, ponyfolk! An agent of Neigh York's very own Photo Finish has confirmed that this Saturday night—one time only and for a very exclusive list of Manehattan socialites—an open house event will be held under Photo Finish's very own roof! Those who attend can be expected to enjoy music, celebrity appearances, and a special exhibit of the kingdom-renown artist's very own photographic galleries and art collections, many of which have not been viewed by the public's eyes before! The life and habits of Manehattan's most famous pony artist have been the topic of much gossip and speculation since Photo Finish disappeared from the public scene. But, following a few surprising appearances at local art events, it would appear as though the mare has finally decided to open up once more! Will Equestria get to feast its eyes on another collection of photographic masterpieces? Stay tuned with us this Saturday and beyond, and we will dish out all the juicy information as soon as it becomes available!”

“Why, of course I'll be attending! Fraulein Finish adores my company! Besides, I would be shooting myself in both my front hooves if I were to pass up the opportunity to be near to the source of her latest inspiration... hmmmm... and my smitten heart.”

“Mr. Trenderhoof! Mr. Trenderhoof, sir, have you learned anything concerning Photo Finish's health?!”

“Whew! Now-now, not so bright with the cameras, please. I n-need these handsome eyes for writing, after all. Heheheh—ahem. What was the question again?”

“Photo Finish's health, have you heard anything?”

“Hmmmm... Now, Fraulein Finish and I are friends, and it wouldn't be right for me to feed the unnecessarily melodramatic rumors that are floating around out there. But I will tell you this one thing, and I will tell you gladly: Fraulein Finish is the happiest, healthiest, and most radiant I've seen in a long... long while. And I think she owes it all to the mare who is now her new best friend... and the mare of my dreams.”

“Grrrggh! This is the third dress in a row! I keep pulling stitches! Why does this keep happening?!”

“But... But Suri... uhm... don't you always—?”

“Shut up! Did you get the extra lace yet?!”

“It's r-right here, ma'am!”

“Finally, Cochney! You got something right! Rgggggh... Invite us to the open house, will she? I'll show her...”

“But, I don't understand, ma'am. I thought that's what you wanted—”

“I don't pay you to state the obvious!”

“Errr...”

“That's my job, you airheaded intern!”

“Erm... r-right. But of course.”

“Don't you get it?! It's a challenge! She's mocking us now! She knows that everypony knows she knows that there's not a snowflake's chance in Tartarus of entering her inner social circle now! Grrrr... it's all that damn Governess Firefly's fault!”

“Uhm... I-I think it's 'Madame Firefly—'”

“Whatever! After Saturday night, she's going to be a friggin' peasant! This dress is going to make her explode into sniveling little pieces! And I, Suri Polomare, will have taken the throne from Photo Finish's fraud of a marefriend!”

“Do... d-do you really want to Ms. Finish's best friend?”

“What, are you stupid?! Buck, no! But you have to understand, Chichi! This is a race! A race to see who will be the stupid marble-muzzle'd mare's friend when she finally rolls over and croaks! Can you just imagine it?! The last pony to hear Photo Finish's final words on her death bed! That's going to me! I mean—heck—I earned a cutie mark in hospice care!”

“Well you certainly didn't earn it in dress making...”

“What was that?!”

“Oh... uhm... would like me to assist in the cupcake baking?”

“Yes. Yessssssss... we will win her with fashion and dessert treats. “Mmmmmhmmm-mweheheheh...”

“Uhm, Suri? Your laughter is blowing away all the sequins.”

“What part of 'get lost' do you not understand?”

“But you haven't said—”

“GET LOST!”

Knock knock knock.

“Hrmmmmm... you may enter.”

“Ahem... Don Canter?”

“Make it quick. I've got a stone that needs passing like there's no tomorrow. John Stocktrot has nothing on this pain, capisce?”

“Right... I-I just came to tell you, sir, that the dame's gone through with announcing her Open House.”

“... ... she has?”

“Yes, Don. It's the evening after tomorrow. Saturday night.”

“... ... ... hmmmm... go tell the boys that they'll be making an appearance there. Eight o'clock sharp. Courtesy of Don Canter.”

“But, sir, we weren't given an invitation. You... weren't blessed with an invitation, sir.”

“Hrmmm... do we know the school where the foals of the dame's agent attend?”

“I believe so, Don.”

“I think a pony-teacher meeting is in order. I'll be sure to make Photo's agent an offer he can't refuse.”

“Very well, sir. We'll get right on it.”

“Hrmmmm... won't be long now. I'll get what's rightfully mine...”

For the First Fraulein in Forever

“Nein nein nein!” Photo Finish spat, galloping up towards a bodyguard and waving her hoof wildly. Several stallions paused in the midst of moving furniture across her apartment to turn towards her. “Stoppen sie! Zey is no need for ze rope! Vat is ze matter with you?!”

The suited stallion pointed at the metal poles in question and their dangling velvet barriers. “It's to better facilitate hoof-traffic as party-goers enter your apartment, Ms. Finish.”

“Vat is zis place?! A prison?! Nein, ze ponyfolk schould feel at home in meine home! Vat is ze point of appreciatink meine art magiks vhen ze soul feels konshtricted in ze shpace?!”

“Beg your pardon, ma'am, but even the most famous art museums have line queues, don't they?”

“Bah! No vonder zey are kovered in dust zese days!” Photo barked, “Taken sie ropes avay! Zis vill be a night to remember, not to komplain about!”

The pony sighed and started hauling the metal poles away. “I'm a bodyguard, not an interior decorator.”

“You vill be glue if you d-don't march right!” Photo teetered slightly, her muzzle growing slack beneath her shades. “Liebe Güte... I schould just be usink ze Hanzes' vhistle...”

“Uhhhh... Photo?”

“Vhat do you vant?!” Photo spun, frowning. In an instant, her features relaxed. “Ah, Fraulein!” She smiled. “You are komfertable, ja?”

“Er... 'yahhhh', I guess.” Rainbow fidgeted and fidgeted, shaking her rear hoof like a wet dog as she fiddled about in the poofy emerald gown that she was in. “But, for real, all that's going on right now is party preparations. Why do I have to be so gussie'd up?”

Photo beamed. “So you kan better preparen sie to be schon when it is time for ze open house itself!”

Rainbow blinked. “... ... ... riiiiight.”

“Ach, Fraulein Firefly! None of ze frownink!” Photo leaned in to nuzzle the flinching pegasus. “Zis is a happy okasion! Ve schould be all shmiles and rainbows!”

“Heh... I kinda got half of that down, don't you think?”

“No no no!” Photo shouted over Rainbow's shoulder, making the mare wince. “Ze chairs schould be facink around ze gallery! Not towards ze windows! If ponies vanted to enjoy Manehattan, zey'd go gallopink outside and get mugged!” She tossed her head in such a motion to suggest she was rolling her eyes beneath her shades. “Imbeciles...”

“Did you shout for us, mutter?”

“Nein, Jaeger, Gustav! Back ze suit fittink!”

“Ja, mutter.”

“Photo... uh...” Rainbow fidgeted. “A quick question.”

“Hmmm? Vat is it, Fraulein?”

“When was the last time you saw a doctor?”

“Hmm? Vhy do you ask?”

“I mean... you're spending an awful lot of money on this party and all,” Rainbow said, fumbling with her skirts. “Maybe—I dunno—you could be saving some of those precious bits for getting an operation done or something.”

“Ach, Firefly.” Photo patted Rainbow's shoulder and trotted off to adjust the placement of a pedestal against a wall. “You are too, too shweet. If you vish to be concerned about anysink, concernen sie yourself vith meine art magiks. I plan for zis evenink to go off visout a... how do you call it?”

“Hitch?”

“Nein! I am not gettink married! Nefer again!” Photo jerked to a stop. She chewed on her lip. “Mrmmm... Photo Finish got ze vords mixed up, didn't she?”

Rainbow smirked. “I'm afraid so, girl.”

“Ach, it doesn't matter.” Photo adjusted a statue, her face quiet and contemplative. “Tonight, I express my full heart to ze ponyfolk. As far as Photo Finish is koncerned, after tonight I life forefer.”

“Yeah, but, for real, don't you think you should plan for—”

“And it fills meine heart with great joy to be scharink ze magiks with you, Fraulein,” Photo said, turning around to smile in Rainbow's face. “Zis night is yours as much as meine, so—rejoice! For ze magiks shtart and end here!” She trotted off to inspect what the rest of the stallions were doing.

Rainbow sighed, leaning back in her dress. “That's what I was afraid of...” She turned and gazed across the studio.

A certain statue peered in through the outside window while nopony was looking. He charaded a croaking frog, followed by opening a combination with his talon.

Rainbow frowned and raised her hoof straight up and towards him. Her eyes darted down, blinking at her forelimb. “Hrmmmf...” She got up and marched back to her guest room. “Sometimes, what I wouldn't give for an odd number of digits...”

Reciprocal

As the sun set across the glossy faces of the Manehattan skyline, Lancie stood on the window sill to Rainbow Dash's guest room, staring down at a thick line of equines growing even thicker in steady droves. Carriages and taxis rolled up by the minute, dropping off fancily dressed attendees to a splash of flickering cameras.

After a whistling sound, the small statue turned and glanced back at the mare seated on the bed. “Now this is what I call a happenin' party! I bet a hundred bits it'll only go for an hour before somepony spikes the punch.”

“Nnnrgh...” Rainbow fidgeted with the sleeves of her slinky blue dress. “That'll probably improve things.”

“Heh... and just what do you care?” Lancie smirked. “We both know Photo isn't serving cider.”

“This isn't the... t-time or the place... guh...” At last, Rainbow shoved her hoof through a final sleeve. She winced, bending and flexing her forelimb at the joint. A slight tingling sensation ran across her limb. “Mmmf... great.”

“What, you're actually looking forward to this party?”

“It's not that, Lancie,” Rainbow sighed. “I'm like you. I just can't wait for Photo to open the vault so we can grab what we need and get out of here. It's just... mmmff...”

“What?” Lancie hopped down with a shrug and shuffled towards her. “Don't tell me you're getting cold hooves!”

“No. Not exactly.” Rainbow chewed on her lip as she glanced down at her legs dangling off the bed's side. “I just can't stop thinking about Photo. I mean... she's been through a lot, y'know? And she's putting so much stock in this evening.”

“Well, if it's gonna shove all the glitz in her glamour, then why knock it?”

“That's just the thing. I don't think this is gonna do for her what she wants it to,” Rainbow says. “Seems like a lot of forced, unnecessary hope. I mean, when tomorrow rolls around, she'll still be sick and her two colts are still gonna have to face a future where their mother's gone.”

“Well, if you ask me, it seems like a real hardcore lesson in throwing all of your eggs into one pie-in-the-sky basket!”

Rainbow glanced down at Lancie.

Lancie glanced up at Rainbow.

In a grumbling tone, Rainbow said, “We are totally our own worst enemies.” She gulped. “I never thought I'd get to see it from the outside looking in.”

“Not exactly popcorn material.” Lancie raised a stone eyebrow. “Is it?”

“Phweeeee...” Rainbow exhaled, hopping down onto the floor with a slight grimace.

“You holding up okay, Sparky?”

“Not looking forward to the dayum heels again,” Rainbow grunted as she trotted over to where twin pairs of dress shoes waited. “If I had known that I'd someday spend an entire week actually getting used to putting on dresses...”

“Hey, that's one less blister from achieving the bucket list!”

“This isn't exactly one of my life's aspirations, Lancie.”

“Isn't it, though?” Lancie smirked. “For somepony at least? Hmmm?”

Rainbow froze in place.

Lancie rolled his eyes. “Oh. Lemme guess. Struck a nerve.”

“No. And yet... yes.” Rainbow gulped. “What... wh-what I wouldn't give to be the sweetheart for Applejack. To be somepony for her to love on. To act and be and...” Her lips turned rosy. “...even wear whatever would make her happy.” A gulp. “And... th-that's kind of happened here, hasn't it? I mean—like—I became Photo Finish's friggin' doll.”

“Easy there, Sparky.” Lancie folded his stone arms with a smirk. “I'm pretty sure she knows which side of the fence she was born to graze.”

“Pffft! Don't even joke. It's totally not like that.” Rainbow stared at the lacy sleeve around her hoof. “And yet... she cares so much about me. In her own, weird way. And... I-I don't even feel a thing...”

Lancie squinted at her.

She went on, “I-I guess for all of the friggin' weight I put on being loved and adored, when push comes to shove... I-I don't really have it in end me to know what to do when it actually happens.”

“Pffft. I think it's rather simple.” Lancie smirked bitterly. “It's not the pony you've been expecting.”

“I know that,” Rainbow said. She sighed... then sighed harder. “Just like I know... deep down inside...” Her lips lingered, and the edges of her eyes grew moist. “...th-that no matter what I want... no matter what I do...” She hesitated, grimacing. “...she won't l-love me like I love her.”

Silence.

Commotion rose through the door as party planners began preparations for the first round of guests. Thumping music began playing through the walls of the place.

Lancie cleared his throat. “Things are just getting started...”

“Ahem...” Rainbow wiped her eyes dry with a forelimb. “Right. Gotta get my game-face on, even if it's covered in... mmff... cosmetic gunk.”

“And you know, Sparky...” Lancie fiddled with his talons. “About Wonderfreckles—”

“Save it,” Rainbow grunted as she slipped the shoes on and headed for the door. “All that matters is that I find a way to keep making her happy. So long as she's on cloud nine...” A deep breath. “...then that's all that matters.” She opened the door to flashing lights and thunderous noise. “Now, make sure you blend in to the background for the rest of the night.”

“Hey! You can count on me!” Lancie saluted. “Background Statue!”

“Now there's a forgettable monicker.”

“Not very likely.” A stone smirk. “Go get 'em, Sparky.”

Of Mutter and Magic

“Alright!” a bodyguard shouted down the empty room while music pumped through the apartment. “It's time! We're a go!”

Art galleries had been assembled in the corners and chairs had been erected in all the right spots. In the very center wall of the apartment, opposite the snack and punch table, was a round stage draped over in pink cloth. Right behind it was a series of blinding partitions that blocked off a part of the wall—the part of the wall where the secret door happened to be.

“Start letting the guests in!” the bodyguard hollered towards the bouncers at the very front. “Two ponies at a time!”

The suited stallions nodded and opened the doors wide before marching down the apartment hallway.

All of this, Rainbow Dash witnessed from a distance. She turned and glanced out the windows. Night had just about fallen, casting a purple sheen across the skies over Manehattan. One by one, the stars appeared to compete with the glitter of the city and its premier party celebration below.

“Seems like I'm just getting stuck with one gala after another,” Rainbow murmured to herself.

“The first guests are coming!” a bodyguard exclaimed. “Where... where is Ms. Finish? Joe! Swifttrot! See if you can find her!”

Rainbow Dash blinked awkwardly at that. She glanced over at the scurrying stallions, then down the hallway that led to her guest room. Just a few doors down, she saw a cracked sliver of light. Curious, she shuffled towards it in her blue gown.

“Ja, it's goink to be noisy for a vhile, Gustav. Your mutter doesn't mind if you vish to do ze komik book readink well past bedtime tonight.”

“But kan't we kome out and see all ze ponies, mutter? It sounds like you're hafink a lot of fun!”

“Hah! Oh, meine little Hanzes. Ze social engagements are not all about fun.”

“Why not, mutter? You are schowink off ze art magiks, ja?”

“It is not ze same, Jaeger. Ze art magiks is mutter's job. It's how she earns ze bits to feed her little Hanzes...”

Rainbow Dash brought her muzzle up to the cracked doorway. She squinted inside. She had to pivot her head to see anything. In the dim glow of a nightlight, she saw one of two twin beds with a petite colt snuggled beneath the covers. Lying on the edge of the bed was a mat of artificial white mane hair. Then, kneeling by the bed, Rainbow spotted an emaciated blue creature in Photo Finish's dress. The back of her skull was pockmarked with lesions and random tufts of gray hair.

Rainbow bit her lip and drew back until she could only hear the conversation and not see it.

“You see, meine Hanzes, ze real magik is found elsevhere, oftentimes spontaneous. I try to kapture it like butterflies in a butterfly net. I hafe tried all meine life. But you know vat Photo Finish has learned?”

“Vat's zat, mutter?”

“Ja, vat did you learn?”

“I learned zat magik happens spontaneously, visout expektation. It happens vith surprise friends like Madame Fraulein. And it happened tenfold... heeheehee... like vhen mutter had you two. Such vonderful magik... like releasink doves from a bare hoof.”

“Ja, you'fe told us of za dream before, mutter.”

“It is only a dream, meine little Hanzes. But you? You are ze magiks, and I promise after tonight zat you vill hafe so much of ze magiks to share. The whole city vill be in lofe vith you. Even... even l-long after I, Photo Finish, am gone...”

“Is zat vhy Papa left, mutter? Because he didn't know vhere ze magiks came from?”

A bit of silence.

Rainbow sat against the door, wincing.

At last, Photo's voice spoke up. “Nein, Jaeger. Papa left because he had lost faith. He beliefed zat ze magiks only vent avay... like vater beink drained out of a hole at ze bottom of a bucket. Vell, your mutter is about to patch up zat hole.” A sniffling sound. “You hafe my promise.”

“You don't hafe to promise mutter, we beliefe you.”

“Ja, mutter. We beliefe in your magiks.”

“Ach! Sehr gut!” A shadow leaned in to nuzzle them, one at a time. “Zen I don't hafe to vish you sveet dreams, zen!”

Two coltish giggles. Melodic and content.

“But... sveet dreams anyvays...”

“Gute Nacht, mutter.”

“Gute Nacht und träum was schönes...”

After a few seconds, Rainbow could hear steady hoofsteps trotting towards her.

With a swift breath, Rainbow flapped her wings and darted around a corner. A moment later, the door opened with a creak. Photo Finish trotted out, straightening her wig. She took several shuddering breaths, sniffling once or twice. Then, with stiff legs, she shuffled out into the main hall, consumed by the lights and noise.

Rainbow watched from afar, her muzzle clammed shut. When the time was right, she cracked the joints in her neck, coiled her wings, and trotted gracefully after Photo.

Party Rainbow Anthem

“A.K. Yearling! Velcome!” Photo Finish stood near the entrance of her apartment, flanked by guards. She gladly leaned forward and shook the hoof of the next mare entering the party. “So glad you kould make it, fraulein.”

“I wouldn't miss it for all the treasure in the world, Ms. Finish,” Ms. Yearling said with a wink before shuffling towards the far end of the art gala in her poofy dress.

“And Hoity Toity! Vhat a pleasant surprise!” Photo yet again beamed, reaching to shake his hoof. “I sought you vere shtuck in Neigh Jersey traffik!”

“One of my carriage pullers had a heart attack,” the stallion said in a snobbish voice. He adjusted his shades and tilted his head back. “Thankfully, there was a hearse already coming south along the freeway.”

“And zis is exactly vhy I, Photo Finish, shtick to trotting.” She grinned. “Ze only ponies who schould die on the highvay are ze vones who built it.” She turned towards the next pony and instantly blanched. “Ach je! I didn't know you were komink!”

A rattling noise. “You should remember to look at your own invitations, Ms. Finish.” More rattling this time accompanied by a heartfelt chuckle. Trenderhoof came stumbling in, his thin frame weighed down in several places by thick plates of Pegasopolitan armor. “Just where's your head at these days?”

“I vas about to ask ze same sink of you...” Photo grimaced, glancing aside at her bodyguards before staring at the lumbering stallion. “Vhat is ze meanink of zis? Zis is not a kostume party!”

“It isn't?” Trenderhoof tiled his helmet up so that his eyes could squint through the visor. “Awwww... what a shame! I must have read the program wrong. Ah well.” He stumbled past Photo. “I'm sure something good will come of my being decked out in formal pegasus antiquity. If only there was a resplendent, regal minded mare of the pegasus persuasion to converse with over the matter.”

“You're a valkink kalamity.”

“I like to think of myself as a performing art piece.” Trenderhoof tried to bow, only for his helmet to fall to the floor. Clang! Nearby patrons glanced over from drinking champagne and chatting. With a cough, Trenderhoof nervously levitated the helmet back over his head and stood up straight. “In an event like this, I'm simply... erm... keeping with the spirit of things!”

“Ze shpirit is all zat vill be left of you vonce you'fe rusted zat sink vith your sweat!” Photo Finish said, causing a few party-goers around her to laugh and giggle.

“Skoff if you must, Ms. Finish!” Trenderhoof tilted his head up and clang-clang-clang'd across the apartment. “But there is no dissing true love!”

“I vas only skoffink at ze idiot locked inside ze cocoon of true lofe!” Photo shook her head and turned towards the next patron. “Ach! How exotic! And you must be...”

“Claw, madame,” a raspy voice said. An eagle's talon rasped her hoof as a beak came down to 'kiss' it. “Baron von Claw, at your service.”

Rainbow Dash's mouth hung open just inches away from a carrot on a plate.

She watched from across the sea of guests as Trenderhoof clattered and clattered and clattered from one end of the apartment to another in his bulky armor. He constantly bumped into and sideswiped guests, winning him several frowns and confused smirks. He constantly tilted his head around, gazing for something... somepony.

Rainbow blinked. Gradually, the plate in her grasp went slack. The carrot dropped into the punch bowl in the center of the table. She glanced down at the marinating vegetable, then sighed.

Taking a deep breath, Rainbow closed her eyes and murmured to herself, “Just get through this evening, girl. Just get through this evening... and wait for Photo to open the vault.” She gulped. “It can't possibly get more complicated than that.”

“Ah! Miss Dash! What a pleasant surprise!”

Rainbow's eyes bulged. She spun around, her tail nearly knocking over half of the snacks on the table.

“Oooh! Do be careful, darling!” A stallion with a thin mustache smiled as he gazed at her through an even thinner monocle. He levitated a glass of champagne to his lips and took a gentle sip. “I must say, you seem rather out of your element. Not that it matters.” He raised the glass and grinned dashingly. “That dress absolutely suits you, my dear! Bravo!”

Rainbow's head swiveled awkwardly to the side. Her lips stammered, “Fancy... F-Fancy Pants.”

“Well, you remember my name. I suppose that's a good sign.” He chuckled pleasantly and winked.

“What... what...” She gulped. “...what are you doing here?”

He blinked curiously. “This is a very rare occasion indeed! An open house party thrown by Equestria's very own Photo Finish!” He chuckled, his cheeks beaming. “Why, I wouldn't miss it for all the tea in Chineigh!” He laughed airily, took a sip, then smiled again. “And, if rumor serves right—albeit grimly—it could very well be the last time I have the opportunity to humor and enlighten myself by basking in the mare's inspirational presence.”

“Yeah... those are all... pr-pretty good reasons.”

“Now, onto the question of the hour.” His teeth showed in his elegant grin. “What brings a mare of your rustic charm to this sort of a posh environment? Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I can tell that glitter and satin have a way of magnifying your more graceful qualities.”

“Let's... uh... j-just say that I'm trying on something d-different for a change!” Rainbow said with a crooked smile. She fought all the powers in the universe just to not sweat. “After all that flying around and butting heads with buffalo, I thought to myself: 'Jee, how fun it would be to stand around in a clumsy dress... listening to ponies burp.'”

Fancy Pants chuckled once more. “A fine way of putting it! Oh, Miss Dash, it brings me great joy to see you here.”

Rainbow blinked. “It does?”

“Why, yes!” He trotted closer, swiveling his glass. “Because it means you've obviously been well-compensated for your endless hours of toil and relentless exercise! I can only guess that you finally took up the same offer that you refused from me?”

“And what offer was that, Mr. Pants?”

“Why, a share of the profits from the Granite Mountain exchange!”

“I... uh...” Rainbow chuckled breathily, shuffling away from him. “My head's been... k-kinda fuzzy from all of the stuff that's happened over the last month.”

“Oh? Like what, my dear?”

“Let's just say that I want things to go the way that we agreed from the get go,” Rainbow said with a firm expression. “The Apple Family in Ponyville receives all of the profit that isn't on your end. Ya feel me?”

“Oh, and they have, and they will continue to do so! I assure you!” Fancy Pants cleared his throat. “As a matter of fact, it's quite a fortuitous coincidence that I've stumbled into you here! I was hoping to get your advice on a joint venture I've been considering.”

“Uh huh...” Rainbow stared off towards the other end of the apartment. “Like what...?”

“Something that might actually double the profits of your dear friendly farmers in Ponyville.”

Rainbow's head snapped back to him. She flapped her wings until she was practically leaning into his face. “Go on.”

“Erm... well, yes. You see. I've met these two ambitious salesponies and they appear to be running an unquestionably unique operation outside of—”

“Sapphire Shores!” A mare shrieked, brushing past the two of them.

“I say!” Fancy Pants stammered, stumbling to the side.

“The pony of pop!” More patrons dropped whatever it was they were doing or talking about, instead choosing to herd over towards the front of the apartment where Photo Finish stood beside a blue-mane'd mare in a ridiculously shiny outfit.

“Guhh!” Rainbow stumbled, nearly tripping on her own skirts. She looked towards Fancy Pants, but he was clear across the sea of bustling equines. “Dammit! I really wanted to know what he was going to say—” Just then, her eyes locked on something, and her breath left her.

Photo Finish was in the middle of shaking hooves with Sapphire Shores. Both mares smiled pleasantly. In the meantime, a feathery figure stood by Photo's side, his sleek body clad in an elegant robe with several studded jewels. A lion's tail flicked behind him as he stared across the apartment with glaring hawk eyes.

Rainbow instantly flinched, ducking behind an impressionistic statue while she caught her breath. From two feet away, a different statue... a living statue poked his antler'd head out and blinked awkwardly at her. “Wow, you really don't like crowded places, do you?”

“Clam it!” she hissed. “It's not that!”

“Then what's gotten you so spooked, Sparky?”

“Take a look for yourself,” Rainbow said, pointing over her shoulder.

Lancie craned his stone neck, blinking. “Hmmmm... Oh, that mare. I've heard of ponies talking about her.” He glanced back at Rainbow. “If you ask me, 'Poker Muzzle' is overrated.”

“No! Not her!”

“What, you mean the turkey standing on your marefriend's other side?” Lancie shrugged. “He seems boring as snail slime. I've been keeping an ear out for ya this whole time, Sparky. Ponies are calling him 'Baron von Claw,' if that helps.”

“It doesn't,” Rainbow said, frowning. “Because it's a fake name.”

“You don't say...?”

“See that scar along his beak?”

“Yeah, so?”

“I've seen it before.” Rainbow shuddered. “The 'Baron' thing is a disguise. The dude's name is 'Romulus,' and he's a freaky dangerous mercenary who smuggles for the black market.”

“Okay. Now my antlers are twitching!” Lancie grinned wide. “Still, what would bring him dressed here so gaudily?”

Rainbow gulped. “The same thing that breings me dressed here so gaudily.”

“Ohhhhhhhhhh...”

“Guhhhhh... Luna in spandex...” Rainbow rolled her eyes while running a hoof through her mane. “This night just got a whole lot kerflufflier...”

Situational Absurdity

“...and they've cast me in the lead role!” Sapphire Shores grinned wide. “It'll be my first time acting on screen! But hey! I love a challenge!”

“Wunderbar!” Photo Finish grinned while several grinning patrons stood in a circle, applauding with their hooves. “And, again, you say zat zis film vill be based on a true story?”

“Yes... one of the most muzzle-dropping tales to come out of Equestria in over a century!” Sapphire Shores beamed. “An unknown mare—selfless and courageous—single-hoofedly saving a minotaur and an entire underground cavern full of helpless slaves!” She held a hoof proudly over her glittery chest. “I've been chosen to play the role of the courageous martyr who defied the canine menace! But, worry not, for the film will be decidated in her honor... wherever that brave pegasus' body may be lying...'” She sniffed and rubbed her eyes dry.

More ponies applauded.

“Sehr gut!” Photo exclaimed, beaming. “And I, Photo Finish, happen to know a mare who vill be more zan happy to hear about zat! After all, she is ze most flatterink and gorgeous pegasus I, Photo Finish, hafe been lucky enough to befriend in decades!”

“Now this I must see,” Sapphire said with a grin.

“Ach! You vill! You vill!” Photo tugged Sapphire along. “Right zis vay! You too, meine honorary dignitary!”

“Hmmm...” The robed griffon nodded, his eyes thin and regal. “If you insist, Madame Finish.” On sharp talons, he strolled across the apartment with them.

“...so after we lay the breadcrumbs across the floor, we lead him to the window where he'll be mugged by fellow pigeons and then we kick him outside!” Lancie said.

“That's not going to work!” Rainbow snarled. “Dang it, Lancie, nothing involving headbutts or suplexes is going to cut it in this situation! We knew this before we even flew in to this stinking town!”

“And I'm not saying we go all Colt Angle on the dude's feathery heiney!” Lancie remarked with a wild shrug. “I'm only suggesting... you know... the premeditated murder of a bounty hunter scumbag from a highrise apartment!”

“Will you knock it off?!” Rainbow grunted. She hugged herself from where she squatted behind a statue's pedestal. “For the last time—the only solution is for me to lay low, wait for the vault to open, grab the shard, and then go. Nothing else!”

“Yeah, well, nothing else is coming this way.”

“Huh?”

“Don't look now, Sparky,” Lancie pointed across the apartment. “But Somepony's coming to nuzzle the living hell out of you.”

“Huh?” Rainbow looked up. Her ears flounced to the sound of clanging armor as it drew closer and closer. “Buttmuffins!” she hissed, scrambling up to her hoofs with a flounce of her skirts. “Quick! I gotta blend in with the most boring corner of this room before—”

“Madame Firefly!” a mare grinned in Rainbow's face.

“Gaaah!” Rainbow yelped in a pitch that was too high for her own good. Before she could fall back, a gentle pink hoof grasped with hers, then hoisted her violently forward. “Whoah!”

A mare stared her muzzle-to-muzzle with an evil grin. “What a pleasure to finally meet you!”

“Uhm... likewise?” Rainbow stammered, accidentally sniffing the mare's dark mane.

“You've been making quite the dent into the fashion scene as of late!” She said, grinning. Her super-shiny gown was positively blinding to look at. “I've always appreciated Photo Finish's artistic legacy, and whenever she crosses over into the realm of dress-making, it most certainly creates an incredible splash, wouldn't you agree?”

“Oh... uh... totally...” Rainbow winced, raising a forelimb to block the glare from the pony's dress. “Erm... and you are—?”

“Suri Polomare!” the mare howled, her forehead twitching. “Grrr—Honestly?!” She turned to look back at a pony behind her. “Does anyone ever read a magazine these days?!”

A petite pony with glacier blue pigtails squirmed in her simple gown. “You... erm... y-you haven't been published in nearly three years, Suri, unless you count that one thing from Playcolt—”

Thap! Suri's rear hoof slapped Coco Pommel in the knee. “Hah haah haaah...” She wheezed into Rainbow's face with a fake guffaw. A bead of sweat formed along her temple. “Ohhhhhh don't mind my assistant. She's not used to art, party favors, or having friends at all, really. And she certainly isn't one of Manehattan's top ten leading fashionistas.”

“Suri, weren't you listed at number Thirty-Two in Pony Vogue—?”

Thap! “Enjoy the gourmet hay, Kiki!”

“Nnngh...” Coco winced, backtrotting towards the snack bar. “I... b-believe I have a craving for hay...”

“Hay?” Rainbow blinked.

“Heyyyyyyyy...” Suri leaned back, staring up and down at Rainbow's gown. “This blue number is very elegant. Very sleek. But still... heh heeh heeeh...” She waved a dainty hoof, grinning plastically. “Nothing like the poofy royal numbers you're used to back in Awesometopia.”

“Awesometopia?”

“You know.” Suri grinned, and her eyes glinted like poison dagger. “Where you're from.”

Rainbow's eyes twitched. “Oh. Right!” She leaned back, gulping. “So... you've read up on me...”

“Difficult not to,” Suri said, trotting forward. “You're in every gossip column that's been produced this week!”

“Is that so?” Rainbow smiled, trotting backwards. “Who'd a thunk it?”

“A very good question, Your Highness,” Suri hissed, trotting faster. “Because no matter how much I read, I can never seem to find any information on the Kingdom of Awesometopia.”

“Yes, well...” Rainbow backtrotted faster. “Th-that's because... uhm... uh...”

“Do tell, Madame Firefly.” Suri pressed further, harder. “Was it renamed? Annexed? Liberated by a revolutionary army of sheep?”

“The... f-fact of the matter is... uhm... uhhh...”

“Please, girlfriend.” Suri's teeth showed like snake fangs. “I'm all ears.”

Th-Thap! Rainbow bumped into something. “Ooof!”

Cl-Clang! “Oh! Madame Firefly!” Trenderhoof's voice resonated from inside a metal helmet. “What a pleasant surprise seeing you here!”

Suri made a face. “Who in the buck is this bozo—?”

“Trenderhoof!” Rainbow beamed, flapping her wings and wrapping a forelimb around his back and pauldrons. “How absolutely wonderful it is to see you!”

“Uhhhh...” He stared. “It is?” His eyes sparkled. “Truly?”

“Trenderhoof, darling, I want you to meet Suri.” Rainbow gestured at her. “She's... uhm... been in a magazine somewhere. Or something...”

“What a charming name!” Trenderhoof leaned forward, squinting through his rattling helmet. “And your last name—?”

“Polomare!” Suri furiously shook, pounding her hoof against the floor and making the nearby punch bowl rattle. “Seriously! Was everypony born on the moon?”

“Uhm... Suri?” Coco spoke up from the snack bar. “Too soon? After all, Luna just came back and—”

“Choke on hay already, Kakarot!” Suri shouted over her shoulder. She cleared her throat, calmly straightened her bangs, then glared daggers at Trenderhoof. “Look, Mr. Trenderhoof. I've heard about your books. Sounds like you're a good writer.”

“Hah!” Trenderhoof chuckled rosily. “Well, I do try—”

“So how about trotting off to put your hooves to better use elsewhere?” Suri pointed at Rainbow. “I was in a conversation with the Governess here—”

“I'll have you know she's more than that, madame!” Trenderhoof frowned as his suit clattered. “She's nothing less than a princess!”

“Uh... yeah!” Rainbow hugged Trenderhoof tighter. “And this dude is... uhm... my knight in shining armor!”

Trenderhoof's pupils shrank. “Buh... buhhhh...?”

“You're knight in shining what now?” Suri droned.

“So, if you have any more silly questions to ask me, you're gonna have to gallop through him.” Rainbow took a deep breath, fought the urge to wince, and murmured towards the stallion. “Isn't that right... c-c-coltfriend?”

Trenderhoof stared straight ahead, his eyes pulsing like twing hearts. “Buhhhhhh... buhhhhhhhhh...”

#42

“Ah! Fraulein Firefly! Zere you are!” Photo Finish trotted up, led forward by her grin. “Ze efenink vas growink kold visout you!”

“Was it really?” Rainbow droned and turned about. “I couldn't notice—” At one sight of a particular griffon, her pupils shrank and she hid behind Trenderhoof. “Meep!”

“Is this the sensational marefriend that you've been telling me so much about, Photo Baby?” Sapphire Shores said through a tight grin.

“Ermmm...” Photo adjusted her shades, gazing quizzically at Rainbow's shivering figure. “Ja. More or less...”

“Awww! The Princess is so shy!” Sapphire rolled her eyes. “I guess I do have that effect on ponies.” She turned towards Baron von Claw. “Even royalty!”

“Yes. Quite.” The creature's hawkeyes narrowed. “Hmmm...”

“Vat is it, Baron?” Photo remarked.

“A most remarkable manestyle,” the griffon wheezed. “I find it curiously familiar...”

“Uhhhh...” Rainbow trembled, causing Trenderhoof's armor to rattle. “Uhhhhhh—”

“Why, of course you recognize it!” Sapphire Shores beamed. “It's all the rage!” She turned and fluffed her own blue threads. “I'll be sporting a style just like it when I'm performing my role!”

“Is that so?”

“Yes! After all, that's how the minotaur described the unsung hero's mane! He's getting credit for technical support, after all... … … not to mention heading the stunt team.”

“Wonderbar!” Photo Finish leaned in and threw a forelimb around Rainbow's shoulder. “But meine shpecial friend here vas born vis zese colorful magiks! Isn't zat right, Madame?”

“Oh...” Rainbow nod-nod-nodded. “Totally!”

The griffon tilted his feathery head aside. “Just where did you say you were from, milady?”

“Awesome—... Awesome—... Awesome—”

“She is a natural Awesometopialander!” Photo Finish chirped. “As blue blooded as zey get!”

Baron Von Claw nodded. “I see...”

“You know, Madame, I was wondering...” Suri drifted in. “Just where on the map could one find Awesometopia?”

Rainbow gulped. “Errrrr...” She sweated in Photo's grip, all the while trying to hide her profile from the griffon.

“And just who is zis?” Photo asked.

“SURI POLOMARE!” the fashionista hopped up and down, red-in-the-face. “Celestia on a bike! Do I have to wear a friggin' banner over my head?!” She spun and shouted across the snack bar. “Pommel! Make a note for one big, bright banner!”

“Uhhhhh... I-I'll get right on that!”

“That reminds me!” Sapphire Shores grinned. “Did you hear about Celestia volunteering to oversee this year's Tour De Prance?”

Suri butted in, almost knocking the pop star off her hooves. “I think I have an even better question!” She sneered in Rainbow's face. “Just how is the ruling council of Awesometopia fairing for over ten days straight...” She leaned in, frowning harder. “...without it's patron matriarch?!”

“Now that, I would like to know,” the griffon said with a curve to his beaked lips.

“Why, the nerve of some ponies!” Trenderhoof shoved his armored way in. “And pigeons!”

“Errr...” Von Claw blinked at him.

“Isn't this a special occasion?!” Trenderhoof patriotically saluted with a rattle to his helmet. “Shouldn't we—like loyal pegasi of the past—cast aside the trivialities of interrogation and simply bask in the art and romance of the moment?”

Suri rolled her eyes. “Oh, of all the sanctimonious garbage-guzzling bulls—”

“You know what?!” Rainbow grinned plastically. “My coltfriend's right!” She hooked her forelimb with Trenderhoof's. “And I couldn't agree more!”

“Koltfriend?” Photo droned. “Vat.”

“You c-couldn't?” Trenderhoof breathily stammered, blushing.

“Nope! And you know what—I'm late for some really snazzy art-gazing!” Rainbow cooed while forcing her and Trenderhoof around. “Catch ya later, Photo Filly!” She waved with a wing as the two trotted awkwardly off.

Suri growled at them like an angry cat. “Oh, not so fast, you wolf in sheep's clothing! I'm going to hang you out to dry and watch you shrink like—OOF!”

“YOW!” Sapphire bumped her way into the scene, grinning. “Young love! Isn't it most divine?”

“Ennngh...” Photo wretched. “It drifes vone to fomit!” She fanned herself, shivering slightly. “I sink meine friend has been sniffink too much of ze photography paper, ja?”

“A common mistake, if I've ever heard of one,” the griffin said with a smirk. “But, enough with the wayward banter. Madame Finish, you simply must tell me more of this latest masterpiece of yours.”

“Uh uh uh. Vhy the hurry, Fon Claw? Ze unfeilink schall commence soon enough! Vonce everypony who's anypony is gasered togezer!”

“Please, Madame, I did not fly all this way to wait like a common peasant!” the griffin said with a chuckle and a sneer all at once.

“Patience. Patience, meine fine feathered friend. If zere's anysing I'fe learned zis week, it's ze fine art of appreciating beauty as it desires to come.”

“Ahem...” A stallion in a suit trotted up. “Madame Finish, I presume?”

“Hmmm?” Photo turned around, squinting through her shades. “Bah! You shmell like turpentine! Do I, Photo Finish, know you? Prayen sie tell zat I don't!”

“You may not know me, Madame,” the stallion said with calm smile. “But I do believe you know the stallion that I work for.” He cleared his throat. “Don Canter...”

Photo's ear-tips twitched. She glanced over his shoulder, noticing a thick group of stallions—all standing in the corner of the festive, busy apartment like dark statues. “Vat? But... how did you get—”

“Let's just say that a certain agent in your employ has been... very smart as of late.” The stallion smiled. “Now... I do believe we're overdue for a long chat.”

Photo Finish gulped. “Ja...” She grabbed a champagne glass from a passing waiter and glugged it all down in an instant. “Ja... I sink ve just might...”

Sapphire Shores blinked. “Photo, darlin', do you know this stallion?”

“Nefer you mind, fraulein.” Photo pointed blindly while shuffling slowly across the apartment. “Hafe yourself somesink to drink. I... uh... I, Photo Finish, vill be vis you shortly...”

As she trotted off with the messenger, the griffon watched on, eyes narrow. Slowly, he turned about and took a quiet survey of the loud, bustling party. Eventually, he scanned the walls, his hawkeyes trailing over every visible inch.

Getting Your Hooves Filthy

“This isn't even h-half of it!” Trenderhoof stammered to speak above the sound of his clattering armor. “I've just recently ordered a ceremonial Pegasopolitan meditation gown!”

“Uh huh,” Rainbow said, looking every which way as the two stumbled towards the far end of the party.

“I spent most of the week reading up on cloud city lifestyle. I think it's absolutely fascinating how you pegasi commune with nature, as if you're the stewards of the earth and sky!”

“Uh huh...”

“And so I figured that this gown would be a first step! I mean... sure, I can't exactly sit on clouds, being a unicorn and all, but I imagine that I would look ravishing in such traditional garb, even more so if I had you sitting beside me in joint meditation, which is why I took it upon myself to order a second gown for—”

“Yeah. Okay. Hey, Trenderhoof... uhm... honey,” Rainbow stammered, wincing.

Trenderhoof's eyes sparkled. “Yes, Madame Firefly?” He leaned forward, his armor creaking. “My most radiant and lovely companion?”

“Eeeeeeeh-yeahhhhh...” Rainbow recoiled slightly, clearing her throat. “Ahem. You see that moth-eaten bird thing over there?”

“Hmmm?” Trenderhoof swiveled his helmet about so he could peer across the room. “Oh, you mean Baron von Claw?”

“Yeah, that dude.”

“What about him?” Trenderhoof grinned. “Let me guess, a former consort of yours? I read that over the past centuries the monarchs of bordering griffon and pegasi sky kingdoms have fraternized for the sake of diplomacy—”

“No... I-I mean... Yes!” Rainbow grinned wide. “Yes, as a matter of fact, we both used to... d-date!”

“Is that so?”

“Er... yeah. His... uh... sister Gilda introduced us to each other. Ahem. As you can see, things didn't work out forever...”

Trenderhoof stood rigidly with an iron frown. “Did he hurt you, my love?”

“Uhh... no... but he always did have a gross misconception about pegasi in general.” Rainbow fidgeted in her dress. “If only somepony well read in the subject of pegasus culture could teach him a thing or two...”

“Mmmm... yes...” Trenderhoof rubbed his fuzzy chin. “Yes, indeed.” A heroically evil smirk. “And who better to teach him right than the stallion who's properly won his former acquaintance's affection?”

“Now that's thinking with your horn!” Rainbow grinned, then forcibly spun the stallion around. “What he needs is somepony super smart and super sweet to talk his eagle ears off!” She slapped his armored rear. Clang! “Go get 'em... uh... sweet cheeks?”

“Heeee!” Trenderhoof marched gallantly across the apartment. “We have nicknames for each other alreadyyyyyyy!”

As the stallion went forth on his “mission,” Rainbow Dash hovered backwards, exhaling with relief. “Whew. Now if I can just spend one friggin' minute in this minefield of a party without wandering into another familiar jackass.” She turned around and bumped muzzles with an old stallion.

“Ooof!” The earth pony stumbled back, adjusted his gray mane, and blinked at the mare. “...Rainbow Dash.”

“Buh?” Rainbow's pupils shrank.

“How quaint.” A cold smile. “Fancy Pants said that you were here. I told him I didn't believe it until I saw it with my own eyes.”

Rainbow's ears folded, as did her wing feathers. “Filthy... Rich...” she stammered.

“A pleasure bumping into you,” he said with a slight bow. “And a pleasure to see you in such refinery too. I appreciate seeing fellow Ponyvilleans moving on up.”

“Yes,” she grunted, eyes sharp as cold daggers. “I bet you do.”

“To be perfectly honest, I was hoping I might... erm... have this opportunity,” Filthy said. “To speak with one of the marefriends so close to Granny Smith's granddaughter, that is. You see... it's not been easy to request an audience on my own.”

“Jee,” Rainbow hissed out the side of her muzzle. “I wonder why that is.”

“If you have a moment, there's something I've been meaning to get off my chest.”

Rainbow could barely hear him through the sound of her own teeth gnashing together.

Keep Your Friends Close...

“Don Canter is a busy stallion, as you can imagine,” a scarred pony in a suit said, his narrow eyes reflecting Photo's face and shades. “Otherwise, he would have gladly paid you a visit here personally. I assure you, it has nothing to do with the blatant disrespect that you have shown him over the past two months.”

Photo gulped, feeling crowded in by the group of darkly-dressed stallions gathered around her. “Disrespekt? Vat do you mean by zat?”

“Please, Ms. Finish,” another stallion spoke up. “We know all about your supposed illness. We know that it has no bearing whatsoever on your head. You should have the good sense to know which is the wrong tree to bark up.”

“If you would like to end your career on a positive note, than I suspect you give up that which doesn't belong to you,” the first added.

“But... eferysink zat I hafe, I own!”

“Hmmm...” One of them smirked. “Is that a fact?” He took a shuffling step forward, his brow furrowed. “I know that we weren't exactly... on the guest list for tonight. But a lot of things can change in a short amount of time, Ms. Finish—such as your agent's sense of loyalty when the world freely knows where exactly her foals attend school. Manehattan Central, if I'm not mistaken.”

Photo chewed on her lip.

The stallion made note of that. “Do you recognize the name? If I'm not mistaken, it shows up on every report card that your colts bring home. What were their names again...? 'Hans Gustav' and 'Hans Jaegar?' Did you know that they have the most beautiful apple tree growing outside their homeroom window? You can see it from across the street...”

Photo's teeth grit. “You come into meine fery own home and try sreatenink me?”

“There are many things that our organization does, Ms. Finish. But the one thing we never do is try. You threatened yourself the very moment you decided to outbid Don Canter in the Underground Auction.”

“I'm surprised he didn't hafe ze bits to afford his own treasure.”

“The fact that you won the bidding makes no difference.” The stallion pointed. “You... made your first mistake the moment you entered for the prize. And unless you want your next art piece to be two tiny grave stones, then I suggest you hand over that which belongs to Don Canter... now. As in tonight.”

Photo fidgeted where she stood.

“And if you're contemplating a way to sick your bodyguards on us, think again. As long as they work in this city, we own them. The same goes for whatever blue collar donkey they reel in to clean your insides from your bathroom tile.” He brushed past her, shoving his shoulder into the mare for good measure. “You have one hour, Miss Photo. I know you'll make Don Canter proud. We all do... eventually.”

The other stallions took turns glaring at her as they trotted towards the other side of the apartment, congregating near all of the exits.

Photo took a long breath. Her ears folded. In a limp gait, she trotted slowly towards the far end of the apartment. Along the way, she snatched no less than three champagne glasses from the trays of passing waiters.

From across the sea of laughing and chatting guests, a particular griffon saw her. His eyes narrowed while he tapped the floor with his talons. He watched Photo as she trotted towards a series of partitions that blinded his view of the far wall, where several portraits hung.

“Hrmmm...” He hissed under his beak. “Frickin' finally.”

With a flash of feathers, he prepared to dash across the apartment and intercept Photo—when a clattering suit of living armor suddenly thrust itself in his way.

“Ahem! Good sir, I do believe fate has destined for us to meet one another upon this social dueling ground.”

“Nnngh!” The griffon snarled, skidding to a stop and nearly bumping into Trenderhoof. “Oh, for the love of ground rat bones...” Clearing his throat, Baron von Claw put on royal airs and spoke elegantly, “How can I help you, my little pony?”

“'Little' being the operative term,” Trenderhoof said. He bowed, which forced his helmet to shut on its own. Grunting, he lifted the thing up and glared at the griffon with unabashed machismo. “I'm here on a graceful mission, albeit one forged by righteous fury. For as of right now, you occupy the same building space as a fair creature who was once your former lover. I am courteously informing you that whatever weight you may be tied to in the past, you must let it go like a mother bird bids farewell to its winged offspring.”

“Nnnngh...” The griffon lifted his feathery head to peer over Trenderhoof's shoulders. Photo Finish was barely visible at this point. “What in the hell are you even talking about?”

“Be as vulgar as you like!” Trenderhoof's head raised, blocking the “Baron's” view. “I too am ardent about this matter! Perhaps the reason Madame Firefly left you is because of your minimal respect for pegasus culture.”

“Madame Who?” The griffon blinked, then shook his lion's paw. “Er... right. Her. But of course. Ahem. Look... I'm... uh... kinda busy here. Royal matters?”

“And this is romantic matters!” Trenderhoof said boldly, causing a few blinking patrons to turn their heads. “And matters of the heart trump all thrones and kingdoms and serfdoms! Or were you simply born in a kennel, good sir?”

“Nnnnngh...” The griffon rolled his eyes. “I don't have time for this...”

“It is not our time to be bargained with! But with Madame Firefly's! And never a finer jewel was time and space ever sculpted to perfect! Why, her eyes alone are—”

“...and when you deal with as many financial partners as I do, you occasionally make mistakes, carrying yourself down avenues you'd later wish you hadn't,” Filthy Rich said. “And though it may be too late for you to back out, you realize that there's still hope for the associates you care about. So...” The aging stallion gulped. “Long story short, my dear mare, I had no choice but to cut the Apple Family off. I wasn't all that proud of the manner in which I did it, but—I assure you—it was for their own good.”

“Uh huh.” Rainbow glared, her ears pointed back like an angry cat's. “So, what you're telling me is that the Apples deserved to be tossed out like dirty apple peels, their whole future thrown into chaos, just because you had a bad conscience?”

“No... no! Of course not!” Filthy Rich glanced over his shoulder, then leaned in to say, “Abandoning the Apples is the most regretful thing I've had to do in my whole adult career.”

“Then why did you do it?”

“Because...” Filthy bit his lip, then glanced over his shoulder once more. “Because business is hardly ever pretty. I don't know how Fancy Pants does it, but to get as far as I have, I've needed to make some impulsive choices that have come back to bit me. In a world like that, the Apples simply wouldn't thrive. They're too honest... too sincere.”

“Then you should have told them the truth and let them decide on their own!”

“I'm trying to tell you that it's more complicated than that!” Filthy's voice had taken on a whispery tone. He sighed, then leaned forward to mutter: “One does not do business in Manehattan without crossing path with a few unsavory characters. Once I had come to realize that, it was too late for me. The reach of the less than reputable Manehattanites is long and shady. I didn't want the Apples getting caught up in their web. At the time, the only way to sever them safely was to do so without any prior warning or explanation.”

“You expect me to believe that?”

“I expect you to be a good friend to the ponies in Ponyville who have better things to do than be caught up in this kind of a mess.”

“Just what kind of 'unsavory characters' are we talking about?” Rainbow slapped one hoof against another, frowning. “Cuz I've been known to kick the flank of a few hundred of them single-hoofedly.”

“Not these ponies, you can't, Miss Dash,” Filthy Rich said. “My concern for you is the same as that which I reserve for Applejack's family. You're all one in the same. Don't dirty your hooves in this.”

“You didn't answer my question, Filthy.”

Filthy sighed, his ears folded. He lowered his head—as well as the tone of his voice. “I speak of the same kind of unsavory characters who presently have a henchstallion posted at every door.”

Rainbow Dash blinked. Her ruby eyes darted between walls and windows, spotting a dark-suited stallion stationed at each. Between them, she counted a good number of scars and grizzled chins. No smiles.

“You've gotta be friggin' kidding me,” Rainbow grunted. “We just stumbled upon the set of The Gallopfather.”

“You may think me as a villain, Miss Dash,” Filthy said. “And I don't blame you. But, all things considered, my history with the Apples goes further back than you could possibly know. That being said, there's a reason the Oranges' daughter married into the farm family of Sweet Apple Acres.” He gulped, then motioned at the walls with his head. “It was to escape things like this.”

“You're in it deep...” Rainbow's eyes narrowed. “Aren't you?”

“Don't worry about me,” Filthy said. “If anything, now that we've met under these unexpected circumstances, there's still a chance you can alert the Apple Family and their connections back home.”

“What good will that do?”

“You're empowered by the Elements of Harmony.” Filthy's eyes narrowed. “You tell me.”

Rainbow took a deep breath. “How can I expect to tackle an underground crime group if even Celestia's sunlight doesn't shine on all they operate?”

“Sadly, that is not my area of expertise.”

“And neither is it mine.” Rainbow rubbed her chin in thought. “Though, it may be somepony else's... or somebatpony else's...” Suddenly she blinked, looking all around. “Wait a minute... where the buck is Photo?”

Filthy winced. “Oh dear...”

Rainbow glanced at him. “What?”

“That must be why they're here...”

“For her?”

Filthy nodded. “Photo has been known to attend some of the same underground circles as Don Canter.”

“Don who?”

“Let's just say that she's partnered with the wrong crowd on occasion,” he said. “And now, not even Tartarus can house the sort of misery they'll have in store for her...”

Mrs. Dashfire

Rainbow scurried along the fringes of the party, nearly stumbling over her skirts multiple times. She made her way towards the wall beyond the raised partitions where she had last seen Photo Finish. Along the way, a gray stone figure hopped out of the nearby décor and ran alongside her.

“Hey!” Lancie whispered, wide-eyed. “What's with the cavorting?! That's what we're doing, right? Cavorting?”

“Shhhh!” Rainbow hissed, glancing over her shoulder in mid-trot. “The game has totally changed...”

“In what way?”

“I just got done talking to Filthy Rich.”

“Say, isn't he the guy with the thick twang in his voice who screwed up the lives of the Freckle Lisa and her family?”

“This place is being hijacked by some... pony mafia.”

“Cool! Since when?”

“Since I friggin' got done talking with Filthy Rich who told me.”

“I knew I smelled olives.”

“I think they're after Photo Finish. Like... she crossed the line at some point and now her life's in friggin' danger.”

“So what's the game plan?”

“This ain't no game, Lancie,” Rainbow grumbled. “Not anymore. Though, I'd have an easier time dealing with these creeps if it weren't for all the stupidity.”

“What kind of stupidity?”

“We've got Romulus in disguise trying to snatch the chaos shard. Then there's a stiff-legged unicorn after my tail feathers. On top of that, both Filthy and Fancy Pants are here. And don't get me started on this female dog who wants to hang me by every thread of her fashion career... for some reason...”

“You know, I've always believed that hate was just a very passionate, inside-out expression of love,” Lancie said with a smile.

“Yeah, well, you've always been an idiot.”

“Spoken like a true idiot magnet.”

“Positively.”

“Just where in Celestia's uvula are we going?”

“I'm trying to find the secret passageway!”

“You think Photo's gone there?”

“I'm most certain. Just, with all these ponies here and all of the crap rearranged across the apartment, I've lost track of where things are—Ah HA!” Rainbow stumbled into the tall triple portrait hanging behind the shadowy partition. “It's cracked open slightly. What's she doing?” Rainbow turned to glance over her shoulder. “Is anypony looking?”

“No. Nor any griffon, either.”

“Better make this quick.” Rainbow held her breath and darted through the hidden seal, spinning the wall compartment open and shut like a revolving door. As soon as she was inside the panic room, her eyes squinted, adjusting to the bright lights. “Unnngh... Photo? Photo? Answer me, girl! Where'd you run off to and why—?” Rainbow's breath left her. “Awwwwwwwww poopsicle...”

Rainbow's eyes followed a trail of empty and half-empty bottles of scotch. Lying in the corner of the room, baptized in her own sweat, was Photo Finish—or at least what was left of her. The mare's outfit was more than disheveled, hanging off her body. Her wig had slipped off, exposing her bright blue skull. What's more, her shades lay crookedly across her muzzle, revealing a pair of thin, teary, bloodshot eyes.

“HIC!” Photo teetered, giving a drunken smile as she waved. “Hallo, Fraulein! HIC! It is a guten abend to die, ja?”

“Ah jeez...” Rainbow wheezed. Her tail knocked Lancie off balance as she galloped over and slid to a stop beside Photo. “Ah jeez ah jeez ah jeez ah jeez!” She grasped the mare's shoulder, wincing. “Photo! Speak to me!”

“HIC!” Photo teetered, her eyes twitching. “Hrmmm... sprechen sie bourbon?” She raised the glass, then giggled stupidly. “Heeheehee! Ja! Sehr gut!”

“No! Sehr sucky!” Rainbow frowned. “What the hay's gotten into you?! Have you forgotten that the most important party of your life is happening outside?”

“Mmmmm!” Photo took another sip of the sloshing bottle in her grasp. “A party... life is a vonderous party. But like all celebrations, it must end sooner zan later, ja?” She wheezed, her face slung between a smile and a frown. “Ve paint our felicities vith song and color. But all beauty dangles from a sin sread...” She hiccuped. “Life vouldn't be so blissfully ironic if zat vasn't ze case...”

“This ain't no time for psuedo philosophy!” Rainbow wheezed. “Girl, you've got a bunch of crazy mobsters after you! You're no good to anypony drunk as a skunk!”

“I'm no good to anypony...” Photo belched. “Period.”

“Photo...”

“Fraulein, zere is a time vhen you must simply accept defeat.” Tears collected around Photo's eyes. “Meine husband must hafe known zat, ozervise he vould shtill be here.” She gulped, sniffling. “I vas a korpse long before you met me, meine friend. If you vant to safe anysink zat's shpecial to me, kollect meine Hanzes. Take zem somevere far away... to Awesometopialand...” A bittersweet smile. “Zey vill be safe vith you...”

“Photo, I...” Rainbow winced, gnashing her teeth. “I can't take them to Awesometopia...”

“Vhy not, Fraulein?”

“Because...” Rainbow clenched her eyes shut, hissed, and said, “Because I have to get all three of you out! There's gotta be a way!”

“Neine, Fraulein. I know Don Kanter. Zere is no vay but his vay...”

“Maybe... maybe...” Rainbow Dash blinked, then brightened. “The vault!” She leaned in and shook Photo's shoulders. “That damn thing is indestructable! Give me the code, Photo!”

“Ze... ze c-code?”

“The four numbers to the safe!” Rainbow stammered. “I can hide you and your kids in there while I fly off and—I dunno—call the police to bust this party down! They'll haul Don Canter's stallions away, I know it!”

“Hmmmm...” Photo smiled, nuzzling Rainbow's forelimb. “You are so nice to me, Fraulein...”

“Photo, listen to me—”

“But...” Photo yawned, teetered, and teetered some more. “I'm afraid zat... sinks are goink dark now...” THUD! She fell on her side, snoring hard.

“Photo? Photo?!” Rainbow shouted, shaking the mare viciously. “Nnnngh... dang it all! Photo, you picked the wrong damn time to pull an Edgar Allan Pony!”

“I don't get it.” Lancie scratched his stone chin. “Is she dead?”

“No.” Rainbow stood up, frowning. “But she will be.” She looked at Photo's limp, stirring figure. “Damn it! If she had just given me the code, I could have killed two birds with one stone!”

“Or in this case, 'saved' them.”

“Exactly.” Rainbow sighed, turning towards the hidden chamber's entrance. “Won't be long before ponies start wondering where the friggin' host of the party is.”

“We could hold things out in here, couldn't we?”

“I doubt Don Canter's stallions have that much patience,” Rainbow grumbled. “Or Romulus for that matter. It's just a matter of time before they start looking for the mare of the hour and discover her here... in this room.”

“So... uh...” Lancie grinned wickedly. “Headbutt Time?”

“No!” Rainbow hissed, pacing in a tight circle. “There's too much at stake, dang it! One little slip, and either Romulus will find this room or these mobsters will get to Photo's colts!”

“I don't suppose making a run for it falls within your itinerary.”

“No, Lancie. It doesn't.” Rainbow frowned in mid-pace. “As much as I hate to admit it, I'm responsible for a lot of this crap. If I hadn't slipped in on Photo's life, she wouldn't even be throwing this party to begin with. I know the shard's important and all, but I gotta figure out how to finish what's been sta—” She tripped over something. “Gah!” She looked down.

Photo's fake white tail had been dislodged from her flank.

Rainbow squatted down and picked it up. She felt the hairs, sighing out her nostrils. “Why'd she have to be so sick, y'know?” A frown. “Couldn't she just open up to ponies around her and ask for some help? I mean, why the brave silent treatment?”

Lancie cleared his throat.

Rainbow looked at him.

The statue shrugged, smirking. “You're one black, black kettle, Sparky.”

“Lancie, this isn't the time for—” Rainbow froze in mid-speech, blinking.

“What?” Lancie scratched his stone head. “Panties?”

“Wait a second...” Rainbow squatted down beside Photo once more. She ran a hoof across the mare's dress, then lifted one of her legs. She pressed her hoof to Photo's. She looked at her light blue coat... then at Photo's light blue coat. “Unnnnngh... Luna help me...”

“Buh?” Lancie craned his neck. His gray eyes twitched. “Oh no...”

“Lancie...”

“Oh noooooo no no no...” He chuckled dryly. “That's too crazy! Even for me.”

“...I'm going to need you to stay here,” Rainbow said. She was already in the process of shimmying out of her emerald green dress. “I'll be outside, buying us all some time, but we need Photo awake. Do whatever is in your power to revive the mare, you got it?”

“Sparky, nothing is in my power!” Lancie sputtered. “Until we get that shard, I'm powerless to help our beloved Lifetrot actress here!” He pointed. “And I'll be powerless to help you in your moment of awesome stupidity!”

“Well, that's too bad,” Rainbow said, proceeding to disrobe Photo as gently as she could. “Because this is gonna be one hard act to follow.”

Minutes later, a frazzled “photographer” slithered out of a hidden door compartment and pressed herself against the shadowed partitions. Gulping, Rainbow Dash straightened the white wig that was plastered over her scalp and smoothed the wrinkles in Photo's multi-colored skirt.

“Unnngh...” She grimaced, slipping the violet shades on over her ruby eyes. “Feels like I'm an inside out plastic flower...” She gave the white tail a little shake. “...complete with a stem.”

“Photo, darling! Ow!” Sapphire Shores rushed up out of nowhere, flinging her forelimb around Rainbow's shoulder. “There you are! I've been looking all over for you, gal pal! You just have to join in on the fun!”

“Uhm... wh-what fun?” Rainbow stammered. She coughed, sputtered, and cleared her throat. “I mean...” She stood up straight, jaw rigid. “Vaat fun?! Ja! Showen sie... zee fun, ja?”

Sapphire blinked at her. “Are you... feeling alright, honey?”

“Er... yes, why wouldn't I—guhhhhhh.” Rainbow adjusted her shades with a flouncing white wig. “Ja! Vvyy vouldn't I?! I, Photo Finish, am alvaaays lookinK for... uh... ze fun magiks! Sehr gut, Fraulein...” She squeaked. “And st-stuff?””

Sapphire stared at her. At last, she snorted. “Snkkkt—heeheeheehee-hahHAH!” She slapped Rainbow's side.

Photo's prosthetic tail fell out.

“Duaah!” Rainbow scrambled to pick it back up while Sapphire wasn't looking.

“You're always such a laugh, Photo!” Sapphire grinned wide. “And pretty darn adorable when you're caught off guard!”

“Ja, vell...” Rainbow plucked the tail back in place, hiding her own prismatic hairs as she stumbled alongside Sapphire and into the t hick of the party. “You know me too vvvell... uhm... meine friend.” She gulped as all eyes of the room fell on her.

Das Buck

“Here we arrrrrre!” Sapphire Shores sing-songed as she tugged Rainbow Finish up to a hanging gallery of crooked black and white photographs. Several ponies standing about brightened at the proximity of the party's “host.” “Let's get this show rollin'! Ow! Photo, darling, you have got to tell us all about what inspired you to make this amazzzzzzzing display!”

“Uhhhhhhhhhh...” Rainbow's violet lenses reflected a pair of scar-faced stallions guarding the apartment's entrance.

“Allo? Heheheh... Equestria to Photo?” Sapphire giggled. “Are you there, hun?”

“Uhhhhhhhhhh—what?” Rainbow turned towards her, then winced. “I mean—vhat?”

“This is a most interesting collage you've made, sugar bumps!” Sapphire said while the flashbulbs of a few attendees went off, capturing the two “celebrities” together. “What ever could it mean?”

“Oh... velll... you see... it is all a representation of—” Rainbow took one glance and caught an eye-full of dead cockroaches and rotting fruit. “Good Goddess!” She covered her muzzle as she saw black-and-white photos of decaying fish and disemboweled rodents.

Sapphire and a few other guests blinked awkwardly at her.

“Uhhh... uhhh...” Rainbow gulped, straightened her wig, and stood tall. “Vhat I mean is... 'Good Goddess!' But of course, zis gallery represents ze... uhhh blessinK of hafinK an alicorn princess like Celestia around to... uh... make sinKs like zis not happen on zeir own all ze time!” Rainbow smiled crookedly under her shades. “By highlighting ze decay, I vish to schow zat... it... is a thing of ze past!”

Silence.

“That... is...” Sapphire's jaw dropped. “... ... ...brilliant!” She whipped her tail. “Ow!”

Several nearby ponies cheered and clapped their hooves against the floor.

“Ah... ah yes, I get it now!” Fancy Pants trotted up, swiveling a champagne glass with his magic. “Well done, Ms. Finish! By making such a grim dark subject matter the focus of your medium, you forced the viewer to think outside of the box, incorporating Manehattan post-modernist aesthetics, or—perhaps—falling back on contemporary Canterlotlian modernist cynicism as a means of an emotional statement.”

“... ... ...” Rainbow gawked. “... ... ...Ja!” She smiled.

The ponies exchanged confused glances.

“Erm...” Fancy Pants adjusted his monocle. “Which one, pray tell?”

Rainbow blinked. “... ... ...Ja!” She smiled again.

“Hrmmmmmm...” Suri Polomare drifted forward, tapping her chin as she squinted at the photographs. “It just looks like a bunch of rotten fruit and dead animals to me.”

“Ach! Zat's just it!” Rainbow Dash grinned, shaking loose bulbs of sweat along her muzzle. “Uhm... you hafe to hafe... erm... ze magiks!”

“Is that a fact?” Suri grinned. “What kind of magiks?”

“... ... ...ze death magiks!” Rainbow waved her hoof. “You knowen sie... like Neigher... or Maretallica!”

“Ah!” Fancy Pants chuckled, raising his glass. “So, Manehattan post-modernist aesthetics it is!”

“... ... ...Ja!”

“I don't get it!” Suri frowned. “It's still just a bunch of dead stuff!”

“I, Photo Finish, don't see vhy you are so surprised!” Rainbow Dash slyly smirked. “Ve took zem photos behind your apartment!”

Several ponies chuckled and laughed.

“Grrrrrrrrrrrr...!” Suri snarled.

“Now now, honey...” Sapphire waved with a smirk. “No need to get your mane in a tangle! Not everpony immediately gets Photo's genius, Miss... Miss...”

“Polomare!!!” Suri howled. “And anyway, I can't be the only pony wondering what made Ms. Finish so interested in sharing her art tonight of all nights!”

“I beg your pardon?” Fancy Pants remarked.

“Uhh... y-yeah!” Rainbow cleared her throat. “Beggen sie pardon?”

“Madame Firefly!” Suri smirked. “Where is she? I bet she would have a very, very interesting interpretation of this artpiece.”

“Madame Firefly?” Fancy Pants grinned. “Color me intrigued! I don't believe I've had the pleasure of meeting your new friend, Ms. Finish!”

Rainbow flashed him a look. “You haven't?”

The stallion simply blinked.

“I-I mean... you hafen't!” Rainbow slapped her brow. “Ach je! Silly me! Heheheh... ahem.” The pegasus fidgeted in Photo's dress. “Meine schon fraulein is... uhm... avay.”

“Away where?” Suri asked, squinting.

“She had to go... uhm... p-powder her muzzle.”

“Powder her muzzle?” Suri grimaced. “But, her coat's blue as the sky.”

Fancy Pants raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Uhhhhhhh!” Rainbow slid in front of Fancy Pants with forelimbs outstretched. “She... uh... uses... sp-special blue powder!”

“Blue powder...?”

“Ja! Imported from her natife kingdom of Awesometopia...” Rainbow blinked. “...land!”

“Pffft. I've never heard of blue makeup powder.”

“Ach! You don't knowen sie vat you are missinK!” Rainbow smiled nervously. “After all, I, Photo Finish, use ze same shtuff for meine own schon hoofsies!” She leaned aside and nudged Sapphire Shores. “Not all powder can be white, you know vat I'm saying?”

Sapphire blinked, then guffawed. “Hah hah!”

Rainbow guffawed back. “Hah hah!”

“Hah hah hah!”

“Haaah haaah haaah!”

Sapphire reeled, wheezing. “Duaaaaaaaaaaaah! Haah haah haaaaah!” She slapped Rainbow's flank. Whap!

Photo's prosthetic tail popped off.

With a gasp, Rainbow caught it with one rear fetlock and snapped it back in place before anypony could see. She exhaled with relief—only to nearly choke when Sapphire's weight leaned against her petite body.

“Ohhhhhh honey you are a riot! Ow! You must show us your other exhibits!”

“I... th-thought...” Rainbow inhaled deeply then spoke in a firmer tone. “Photo Finish sought you vould n-never ask!”

“Right this way, hun!” Sapphire dragged Rainbow along.

Rainbow gritted her teeth, staring off towards a hidden part of the apartment wall. “Lancie... you'd b-better friggin' hurry up...”

Don't Be a Wallflower

“And zis... uhm...” Rainbow Dash lingered, adjusting and re-adjusting Photo Finish's shades on her muzzle. “Uhm...”

“Yes, hun?” Sapphire Shores asked, leaning forward with batting eyelashes. An eager crowd of breathless partygoers stood behind her. “We're all ears!”

“Er...” Rainbow glanced at one photo after another, depicting black and white lamps and toasters propped against each other in “lewd” positions. “...what the buck was she even smoking?”

“Huh?”

“Er... I-I mean...” Rainbow spun with a bright grin. “I, Photo Finish, call it 'Ze Brimstone and Ze Smokink!'” She pointed at an egg slicer rubbing up against an unplugged heat lamp. “For it is vhere zese sinful appliances are headink! Just like...” She waved her hoof... waved it again... and eventually blurted: “Ze economy!”

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...” the entire crowd murmured, nodding.

“How provocative,” a mare said.

“Positively stimulating,” a stallion added. “And an artistic forewarning.”

“Yes...” Filthy Rich shivered slightly where he stood, his eyes wandering to the windows and exits of the place. “Quite...”

Rainbow took a moment to glance at Don Canter's henchstallions. A pony or two could be seen glancing at his gold watch. Hooves tapped impatiently while a glaring eye or two darted her way.

“Darn it...” Rainbow hissed to herself. “...this is taking too long. Where's Lancie?”

“Yes yes yes... it's all sooooo fabulous,” Suri said, shuffling up with a bored look to her eyes. “But surely none of these is the muzzle-dropping masterpiece that you've promised us all, Photo.”

“Oooh! Are we ready for the grand unveiling?” Sapphire asked with a little hop.

“Erm...” Rainbow fidgeted. “Nein... but...” She brightened. “I... I-I hafe ze plan of unfeilink already in motion! But first, meine little ponies, you simply must partake of zis feast zat meine katerers hafe prepared!”

“Hmmmmm...” Suri glanced at a melting clock hanging on the wall. “Awfully late in the evening for party favors, don't you think?”

“Hah hah hah hah!” Rainbow slinked a forelimb around the mare's shoulder and hissed out the side of her plastically grinning muzzle. “Awfully late for a chainsaw hysterectomy too, ja?”

Suri's pupils shrank to pinpricks. “Buh?”

“Well, I could certainly spoil myself a bit!” Sapphire Shores said, rubbing her hooves together. “Point me in the right direction!”

“Over this way, madame,” Filthy Rich said, pointing.

“Ow! Oh, how I love the arrangement!” Sapphire winked aside at several ponies as she trotted briskly along with the crowd. “Could somepony have spiked the punch already? Hooves crossed, amiright? Hahahaha! Hey! Yearling! You little doll! Come here and share these danishes with me! You're skinnier than a snake in a chicken coup!”

Rainbow Dash exhaled with relief. “Good,” she said under her breath. “That should buy me some time.”

“Buy you some what?” Suri remarked.

“Ach! Vhat a klumsy fraulein you are!”

“Huh—WHOAH!” Suri yelped as she was suddenly thrown off her hooves.

“Did you not see zat shlippery puddle on ze floor?” Rainbow shook her head. “Tch tch tch... vhat is zis city komink to?” She trotted away with a “happy” flounce. “Don't vorry about your dress! I'll send meine serfant... uhm... Gruber to help klean you up!”

“But... b-but...”

“Just vait right zere and do not move an inch! Ja! Zat's a good fraulein!”

“Grrrrrrrrrrr...” Suri frowned, drowning in her skirts like the burning stem to a melting silk flower.

“Suri!” Coco rushed over, reaching over to help the mare up. “How'd you fall?! Here, allow me!”

“Rghhh!” Suri threw the assistant's hooves off. “I can get up on my own, Chichi!” She stumbled to her hooves and fussed with straightening her gown out. “What I really need help with is figuring out what's gotten Photo Finish turned inside out!”

“Huh?” Coco blinked. “What do you mean?”

“For the past half-hour, she's been a frenzied, stumbling, unpredictable basketcase!”

“Erm... excuse me for saying so, Suri, but...” Coco gulped. “Isn't that normal?”

“Something doesn't smell right,” Suri grumbled.

“I did suggest lavender over eucalyptus—”

“Not that you idiot!” Suri growled, staring daggers across the party. “There's something wrong with our target, and I'm willing to bet a certain rainbow is responsible for it.”

“But... uhm... there hasn't been a parade in downtown for months.”

“Just shut up and go fetch my bag,” Suri said, straightening her mane as she grinned like a demon. “Time for Phase Two. If Celestia is my witness, I shall never get snubbed again!”

“Do you want me to fetch your toiletries too, then?”

“GRAAAUGHL-GO!”

“Eeeeep!” Coco pitter-pattered away.

Good Bye, Slice of Life Tag

“Gotta check on Lancie,” Rainbow murmured to herself as she snuck across the crowded party. “Just gotta get to the panic room. Just gotta get to the panic room. Please Celestia almighty let me get to the panic room—”

“Where you off to in such a hurry, Madame Finish?” Fancy Pants asked between champagne sips.

“Euuuuugh!” Rainbow grunted to herself. Taking a deep breath, she spun about with a bright grin. “Fancy Pants! Vat a pleasant surprise! Do pardon meine rudeness. I am simply off to powder meine muzzle!”

“Hmmm. Quite the common hobby this time of night,” Fancy Pants said with a smile. “Seems like mares are slipping through the cracks everywhere you look!”

“Er... ja... zey'll do zat...” Rainbow started to trot away.

“For instance, I've been hoping to run into a certain mare myself. Tell me, are you familiar with a Rainbow Dash?”

“Erm... n-nein!” Rainbow gulped, pausing to straighten her wig. “Who kould zat be?”

“Oh, a most striking pegasus. Six toned mane? Sky blue coat? Small, athletic?” Fancy Pants sipped again. “She's here somewhere. You must have invited her.”

“Ze name shtrikes none of Photo Finish's bells!”

“Hmmm... that's most unfortunate,” Fancy Pants said, shrugging. “I had a business proposition to discuss with her.”

“Hah! Please...” Rainbow began trotting again. “Vith a name like zat, how kould such a pony kare about business?”

“Well, it didn't involve her, so much as a friend of hers.”

Rainbow froze in place. She gulped, her coat pale. “A... a f-friend who bucks apples?” she muttered with absolutely zero accent.

Fancy Pants' thin eyes blinked. “Why. Yes. Yes indeed.” He glanced over. “Have you and Rainbow Dash discussed this?” He did a double-take. “...Photo?”

Rainbow was gone. While the unicorn stallion glanced curiously around, Rainbow hid underneath a nearby table. She bit her lip, hugging her forelimbs close to her blouse. She glanced out one end of the table. Surly looking stallions guarded the exist. She looked out the other end. Suri Polomare marched around indignantly.

Hissing under her breath, Rainbow took off her wig, clutched her head, and stifled a prolonged growl. At last, she squeaked, “Dang it all!” Then, with a venomous frown, she slapped her wig back on and galloped out form under the table.

“...and what's more, a pegasus' reputation is sacred!” Trenderhoof said, grinning in “Vone Claw's” beak. “Once a maiden, always a maiden, if you ask me. Heh. But, I doubt egg-laying societies could relate to that so much...”

“Uhhhhhhhhhh...” The griffon sneered, spotting Rainbow from across the apartment as she galloped towards the walled partition in Photo's dress. “Actually, babies come out our mammalian end, so—”

“Oh, my bad.” Trenderhoof grinned. “But you still perform external fertilization, huh?”

“No, that's amphibians... look, fine... nnng... fellow, I'm afraid I must be going—”

“But not until you allow me to recite the Twelve Precepts of Pegasopolitan Virtue!”

“Really, I—uhm—I have prior engagements and I must—”

“Do not worry! I memorized them all last night! Well... most of them. Ahem. Article One! In regards to cloud courtship—”

The griffon ultimately snarled. “Say... excuse me...” He pointed with a talon right behind Trenderhoof. “Could you tell me the time?”

“Oh, but of course!” Trenderhoof turned, only to blink straight at a support beam. “Strange... there's no clock here—”

CLANG! Von Claw shoved the back of Trenderhoof's head, rattling the unicorn's helmeted skull against the vertical pole.

“Unnnngh...” Thwomp! Trenderhoof collapsed with rattling armor. Several party-goers gasped and looked in wide-eyed surprised.

“Mmmrnngh... finally...” Von Claw spread his wings and shoved ponies aside as he charged across the clustered apartment, eyes on where Rainbow Dash last was.

Swisssh! The secret door swiveled to a stop.

Lancie looked up from where he was fanning a naked blue and unconscious Photo Finish with a piece of canvas art. “Any luck with being a frenzied moron?”

“Cute.” Rainbow slid up against a wall and started shimmying out of her dress. “How's Photo doing?”

“Well, she's not dead yet.”

“Is she alive and concious yet?”

“I'm afraid not.” Lancie glanced up. “Does this call for a 'Weekend at Burneigh's?'”

“I'll pretend to understand what that means and just ignore it.”

“Uhm... what's with the stripogram act?”

“I gotta switch out.”

“Switch out?”

“Is my green dress still there?”

“Uhhhhh...” Lancie raised a stone eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“Good. This should only take a second.”

“Sparky, is there a change of plans?”

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash looked up, her prismatic mane disheveled as she slipped out of Photo's dress and wigs. “Pfft! Please, Lancie. Does it look like the plan has changed?”

“Uhm... does a bear advertise toilet paper in the woods?”

“I've got everything in my hoof! It's fine.”

“Sparkyyyyy...”

“It's fine, Lancie.”

“Are you changing the plans, Sparkyyyy?”

“Not changed... really...” Rainbow shrugged as she grabbed her green dress. “More like... optimistically extended.”

“This apartment is going to explode before the night's over, isn't it?”

“Yeah, well...” Rainbow threw the dress on and slid her body through it. “Good thing we have a panic room!”

“Hardy har har...”

“Just keep tending to Photo and let me know if anything changes.”

“Right. You want me to impersonate an owl or a porpoise?”

“No birds. We've got a blood-thirty griffon out there with my name on his talons.”

“Lucky you.”

“Say...” Rainbow squinted nervously at Lancie's talons. “Is that a priceless art piece that you're using to fan Photo with?”

“Uhhhhhhhhhh... maybe?”

“... eh, whatever.” Rainbow hopped into her heels and straightened her gown. “So long as Photo is not “gone” for too long, then I think we're good!”

“Well, I hope so, because right now things are lingering around 'cautionarily stale.'”

“Will you just relax? I so totally got this!”

“I still think you shoulda gone into full headbutt mode.”

“Oh hush.”

“Baron Von Claw” was presently tracing his claws along the wall, staring at every square inch.

“Blast...” Romulus hissed, his lion's tail whipping about behind him as he scurried behind the partition in frustration. “It's too damn dark! The stupid pony wears shades! Why would she make it so damn hard to find?”

Swissssh! Rainbow Dash suddenly appeared a few steps behind him. “... ... ...” She trotted up and cleared her throat. “May I help you—?”

Von Claw raised his head so fast that he slammed his bird-skull into the bottom frame of a painting. “Guh!” He teetered, a feather or two falling to the floor.

“Careful!” Rainbow Dash grinned, placing a firm hoof on his shoulder as she pretended to smile. “You could get hurt while snooping around in the dark of somepony else's apartment that isn't yours!”

“Madame Firefly...! I-I was just... uhm...” Von Claw blinked dizzily. The mercenary sneered in an off-key voice. “Where in Tartarus did Photo Finish go?”

“Fraulein Finish?” Rainbow shrugged. “Beats the heck out of me! But enough of that!” She yanked Von Claw towards the center of the apartment from around the partition, continuing to smile. “Let's check out the banquet!”

“But I-I-I...”

“The stuff is too good to pass up! Believe me, it's no chicken feed! Whoops! No offense intended. Heeheehee!”

“Heh heh... heheheh...” Von Claw clenched his teeth beneath his beak. “Charming...”

Fancy Rants

“Nice party, isn't it?” Rainbow Dash said, wagging her eyebrows. “Why, back in Awesometopialand, if we had parties like this, we wouldn't bother taxing the poor. Hah hah hah! You get that? It's rich humor.”

“Uh huh. Quaint.” Baron von Claw squinted his hawkeyes at her. “Say... where have I seen you before?”

“Have you invaded Awesometopialand from our native Prancia?”

“No.”

“Then I doubt we've met. Or our grandparents, for that matter!”

“I swear I've seen your manestyle once before.”

“Nope!” Rainbow Dash tactfully spread her wings in such a manner to knock Romulus off-balance. The disguised bounty hunter stumbled off and collapsed in a cluster of startled ponies. “Hey! Tangle-talon! This ain't a roost, ya know! Anywho, Clawy-Baby, catch you later! I've got party business to attend!” She hurried her steps, eyes locked on Fancy Pants' horn from afar. “Come on come on come on...”

“My goodness!” A mare stammered, rushing across the apartment. “This is dreadful! Mr. Trenderhoof seems to have collapsed!”

“Cool!” Rainbow marched right past her. “Ahem. Fancy Pants?”

“Hmmm?” The unicorn turned from an art exhibit, blinking. “I say, did some pony call me?”

Rainbow slipped between him and the wall. “I say, I did!”

“Ah! Good heavens! Rainbow!” He chuckled. “You gave me quite a turn!”

“Yes... well...” Rainbow giggled nervously, standing in such a way that the stallion's figure would block all eyes from her. “In this life, either you're screwed or you are the screw. Eh heh heh...”

“How simply poetic. I must say, we split apart under the most bizarre circumstances half-an-hour ago.”

“And here I am to rectum that!”

“I believe the word is 'rectify,' darling.”

“That too!” Rainbow cleared her throat and leaned in. “I heard you wanted to see me.”

“'Tis a shame you were gone these past few minutes. Photo Finish was giving us a most delightful presentation of her current art.”

“Yeah. Uh huh. Was that all you wanted to talk about?”

“Actually, now that you mention it, I was hoping you might deliver a message to your friend Applejack for me.”

“Really?” Rainbow grinned with sparkling eyes. “My friend Applejack?”

“I mean, after all, you've done such wonders in the past, bridging the gap between her farm and my business. I suppose it would be best if you were the one to help assist her on another venture.”

“And... uh... what venture is that?”

“You see, there's an old businessmare who owns a cider mill outside of Orlandoats.”

Rainbow Dash blinked. “Orlandoats? As in Orlandoats, Fillyda?”

“Yes, indeed. The Sunshine Province.”

“Don't they get—like—three tropical storms a year?”

“It's all in the advertisement, darling.”

“Righto.”

“Anyways, this old mare by the name of Shindig has owned a cider mill for years. Over the past three decades, she's been overseeing the production of all sorts of fruit juices for the coastline towns of Equestria. Most of the land down in Fillyda produces citrus, but the process of juice-making isn't all that different from what it takes to produce cider.”

“Uh huh...”

“Well, word is that Shindig is retiring, and she would very much like to pass on the ownership of the mill to a pony she deems worthy.”

“What do you mean by 'worthy?'”

“Well, she's retiring, Miss Dash. Odds are, she's going to be passing off her citrus fields too. We're talking about gargantuan acres of land, most of Central Fillyda, as a matter of fact.”

“Okay...”

“Rumor in the business world is that she's hoping to meet up with the best fruit-squeezers in all of Equestria, and the pony that impresses her the most will not only win the mill, but the outlying country as well.” Fancy Pants grinned wide. “Correct me if I'm wrong, but does not your friend Applejack produce some of the most exquisite apple ambrosia in all of Equestria?”

“Yeah... she does...” Rainbow Dash squinted. “But... like... Orlandoats is so far...”

“Point being?”

“Just... I know Applejack, Mr. Pants. She's a hard-worker, but also a simple one. She takes good care of Sweet Apple Acres because it's the land she was born on... the land of her family n'stuff.”

“And yet, she's a blossoming young entrepreneur, is she not?”

“Well... uh... s-sure, I-I mean... I guess...”

“This could very well be the opportunity of a lifetime,” Fancy Pants said. “Just having that land alone could give her ways to expand her apple farming business in ways never before precedented. Do you understand what this means?”

“Erm...”

“Your friend Applejack could expand from a simple farmer to a agricultural producer. She'd have enough fortune for her family and her family's children and her family's children's children to live off of for decades!”

Rainbow gulped. “But... like... sh-she'd have to move away, wouldn't she?”

Fancy Pants calmly nodded. “Such is the cost of taking your business past another milestone, my dear. But, from I can tell concerning your dear friend, such challenges would be simply scrumptious to her. Wouldn't you agree?”

Rainbow Dash gulped, avoiding his gaze. “Yeah...” She murmured, trembling slightly. “I would...”

“Would you be a dear and give her the word yourself?” Fancy smiled. “Tell her that Shindig of the Orlandoats Cider Mill has extended a hoof of invitation for Applejack and/or the Apple Family to come and meet with her at the Central Fillyda site. I'd tell her through my own messages, only—I think she would trust word of muzzle from a close friend of hers. Besides... you do seem keen on bringing good luck to the mare.” Fancy winked. “I figured there was no harm in you facilitating such yet again.”

“Yeah...” Rainbow nodded, smiling awkwardly. “No harm...”

“Oh, and while you were here, perhaps we could discuss another matter,” Fancy said. “About what I owe you concerning the Granite Mountain deal...”

“Fancy, we've been through this,” Rainbow said, waving a hoof. “I only wanted Applejack to benefit.”

“But you might be intrigued once you hear what I'm offering. Tell me, Ms. Dash, do you have health insurance?”

Rainbow blinked. “Health... insurance—?”

Just then, a hoof tapped on Rainbow's shoulder.

“Nnngh...” Rainbow shrugged the hoof off. “Not now. I'm busy—”

“Madame Firefly?” a gruff voice asked.

Rainbow turned around—then did a double-take upon seeing an ugly, scarred face.

“'Madame Firefly?'” Fancy Pants' brow furrowed.

The henchstallion grunted, “Are you or are you not Photo Finish's ladyfriend?”

“Uhhhhh...”

“I believe you're mistaken, my good fellow.” Fancy Pants leaned forward. “This here is—”

Rainbow lightly swatted Fancy across the head, knocking his monocle loose.

“Oh dear me!” Fancy leaned over, searching the floor with his glowing horn. “This simply will not do!”

“Ahem...” Rainbow leaned in. “Who wants to know...?”

“Friends of Don Canter,” the stallion said. In the distance, Rainbow could make out the figures of several more surly stallions cracking their neck joints and looking shifty. “And if we're to remain friends of Photo Finish, she'll get her paint-stained keister out her and began talking. Or else.”

Rainbow's eyes narrowed. “Or else what?”

“She'll be kissing her children through a straw.” The stallion leaned forward, growling. “Got it?”

“You know, something tells me it's been a really, really long time since somepony's fed you those yellow teeth you're sporting.”

“Who you gonna sick on us?” The stallion spat. “You're coltfriend?”

“Hah hah hahhhhh...” Rainbow neutrally chirped.

“Ah!” Fancy Pants stood back up. “Got it—!”

Whap! Rainbow's wing grazed him. He dropped the monocle again.

“Goodness! I'm all out of sorts tonight!” He went scurrying once more.

“Fine...” Rainbow grunted. “I'll go get her.”

“You do that, toots.”

“Just make sure you don't get rained on while you wait,” Rainbow said as she trotted off.

The stallion blinked. He glanced up at the ceiling.

Another thug shuffled up. “What's the matter, Mooky?”

“Can a rain cloud form inside an apartment?”

“I dunno...” The other meathead squinted up at the ceiling with him. “Maybe if we look really hard...”

Swissssh!

Lancie glanced up from where he sat on Photo's chest, fanning her. “Now what?”

“Friggin' garbage-smellin' alley scum...” Rainbow snarled inwardly, tossing off her green dress and slipping the wig and dress back on. “...got a sonic rainboom with their motherless names on it...”

“If you wish to perform a soliloquy...” Lancie pointed across the panic room. “...Julius Canter's corpse is that way.”

“Shove it, Lancie!” Rainbow grumbled, slipping on the dress. She cleared her throat. “I am not in ze mood, ja?”

“Hrmmm...” Lancie returned his attention to Photo. “Marecus Anthony was Bitalian anyways...”

Insert Laughtrack Here

Rainbow Dash stumbled out from behind the partition. Straightening the white wig and violet shades atop her head, she scampered towards the far end of the party.

This was not ignored by the likes of Suri Polomare. “There she is again!” the mare hissed from where she stood beside the punch table.

“There who is, Suri?” Coco asked, standing right next to her.

“Who else?! The pony of the hour! Or at least, one half of her!”

“Huh...?”

“Is it just me, or has Fraulein Finish and Madame Firefly not been appearing together at the same time for the past hour?!”

“Perhaps they're trying to keep as many ponies entertained as possible?” Coco shrugged. “It's a large party. It makes sense that the hostess would need some backup.”

“I dunno...” Suri's muzzle scrunched. “I think something very strange is going on around here. It smells rotten.”

“You sure you're not being paranoid, ma'am?”

“Are you sure that you're employed?”

“Eeep! I'm sorry!”

“Grrrr... leave the brooding thoughts to me to say out loud...”

“We're patient stallions, Miss Finish,” a thug said, straightening the collar of his suit. “But our boss sure ain't. Are you gonna give Don Canter what you owe him or what?”

“Zat's ze funny sink, you see...” Rainbow Dash said, filling her mouth with phantom marbles upon each pronounced syllable. “Zis object. It's fery dangerous vhen handled vis ze bare hoofes, ja?”

“Sure. Why not...?”

“Vell, it vould be a bad sink to accidentally infect all ze ponies who are enjoyink zemselefes here!” Rainbow Dash smiled nervously from behind her shades. “Imagine if zey got ze chaos meezles by accident?! It vould not bode fery vell for anypony. And I'm sure your soughtful boss vould vish to afoid gainink any unfanted attention...”

The nearby thugs exchanged glances. They squirmed slightly. “Ahem... we didn't think that far ahead.”

“And it's not your job to, is it?” Rainbow grinned. “After all, you'fe got so many long years left to life... h-henching!” She chuckled and patted a stallion's shoulder. Cl-clack! A switchblade and a piece of garrote string fell to the floor from a hidden pocket. “Gah! Holy sh—ermm... I-I mean... wunderbar! You know how to pack for a long night! Zat's ze sign of a good employee! Heheheh!”

The stallion in front of her squinted. “Are you going to deliver the package or aren't you?”

“I vill! But you must vait for vhen ze moment is opportune for all of us!” Rainbow Dash slowly backed up. “Vhen ze party shtarts to die down, zen vill Don Canter get vhat's komink to him!” She winked. “You hafe meine promise!”

She turned around and bumped into Suri Polimare.

“Photooooo!” Suri grinned. “So nice to see you. I wondering if you could spare a moment.”

“Hrmmm...” Rainbow squirmed in place. “It depends...” She pushed the two of them like a two-car train away from the suited thugs. “...can you spare a kidney and a pint of blood?”

“Huh?”

“Ahem. Vhat kan I help you vith, darlink?”

“First off...” Suri raised an eyebrow. “What's up with your voice? You don't sound like your normal self.”

Rainbow grinned. She leaned and leaned and leaned forward, her muzzle bare inches from Suri's face. “...strep throat.”

“Guh!” Suri clasped two hooves over her muzzle.

Rainbow exhaled hotly into the mare's nostrils, making her back up more. “Huhhhhhhhhh-I've been runnink back and forth from ze bathroom to vash ze germs all down vith vater. I hafe to shtay on top of meine game, you see?”

“Mrmmmfff—I see,” Suri said, her voice distorted from plugging her nose. “Still, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were rushing back and forth because you were trying to hide something.” She squinted. “Just where is Fraulein Firefly at the moment?”

“Uhhh... uhmmmm...”

“She never seems to be around when you're around, Miss Finish.” Suri smirked devilishly. “I surely can't be the only pony who notices.”

“Erm...” Rainbow glanced off to the side. Her heart skipped a beat as soon as she saw Fancy Pants speaking with Filthy Rich.

“Unless you have a credible explanation for why she keeps disappearing as well, then I'm tempted to call you out on your bull—”

“I vill tell you! But first!” Rainbow slapped her hooves against the floor and hollered, “It's time for Das Boot!”

Suri did a double-take. “Time for what?!”

“Ze most time-honored tradition of ze party magiks, of course!” Rainbow grabbed a random lampshade. “First, ve slap zis on your head like so...” THAP! She encased Suri's skull in the blinding article.

“Gah! What the—... I-I can't see!”

“Zen we shpin you in ze tiny tiny circles like so!” Rainbow grinned as she twirled Suri around multiple times.

“Whoah... whoah... whoah...!”

“Zen...!” Rainbow galloped to the side. “...ve get a boot!”

Trenderhoof was starting to get up. He waved weakly to a bunch of smiling patrons. “Thank you so much, guys! Ulp! My head's still spinning from that fall I took, but I think I'm good to go now—” Rainbow lunged in, grabbed one of his armored legpieces, and slipped it off his hoof. “Whoahhhhh—” He fell on his armored rear. CLANG! Several partygoers gasped.

“And...!” Rainbow zipped back to Suri, grabbed a champagne bottle from a passing waiter, and started pouring the whole thing down the armored hoofpiece. “...ve drink ze whole sink! And ve do not shtop until ze boot is completely empty! Or else ve forfeit ze game and ve shame our entire families!”

“Shame... our... wh-what?” Suri sputtered, spinning. A blue hoof stopped her and yanked the lampshade off her frazzled head. “Eeuuuguuuuuuhhh...” A boot full of sloshing alcohol was shoved into her grasp. “Huh? But I—”

“You must drink!” Rainbow Dash grinned wide. “If you vant to fit in vith ze art scene!”

“But I'm not even thir—”

“DRINKEN SIE ZE BOOT!” Rainbow hollered. “DRINKEN SIE NOW, YOU VILD LADY GOAT! SCHNELL! SCHNELL!”

“Gaaa! Okay okay!” Suri—wide eyed—took a deep breath and began tipping the bubbly contents of the hulking article down her gullet. “Bllblblbbbllbbbb!”

“Faster! Faster! Wunderbar!” Rainbow raised her hoof and pumped it in the air. “Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!”

Several local patrons giggled and chanted in one accord. “Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!”

“Bllblbllblbb!” Suri went cross-eyed as she struggled to down all of the champagne.

Rainbow Dash, in the meanwhile, glanced at all of the stupidly grinning ponies and backed out. As soon as she was out of sight, she galloped towards the far wall and the shady partition beyond.

“Huh...” A stallion stared curiously at the feat Suri was undergoing. “That's strange?”

“What is?” asked a mare by his side.

“I thought you were supposed to do that with beer,” he said. “And share it around the entire party.”

“Hey...” The mare shrugged. “When you're thirsty, you're thirsty! Heehee! And besides, it wouldn't be a real party if Miss Finish wasn't making ponies do something eccentric.”

Upon hearing that, Romulus glanced up, his feathers ruffled. He turned in time to see Rainbow galloping towards the furthest part of the room.

“Oh no you don't...” The griffon sneered. His sharp beak glinted as he marched forward. “I have you now...”

Right as he broke into a sprint, Trenderhoof finally stood back up. “Whew! Boy did they made this suit out of some heavy stuff—!”

WHAM! “Aaaaugh!” Romulus collided with the stallion and both went crashing through a set of tables. Their collapse was muted by the cheers of everypony as Suri finally finished her chugging.

“Yaaaaaaaaaay!”

Suri teered, her face plastered with a drunken grin. “I... HIC... passed the game... HIC...I th-think...”

Coco trotted up. “Uhm... Suri, ma'am?”

“Pffft. Heeeeey there, Choochoo Pomegranate Train! HIC! Where've you been?”

“Did you get a chance to figure out what's up with Miss Finish?”

“HIC!” Suri grinned and grinned, swaying. “...Miss who? HIC!”

Powder Keggily

“Well, I only mentioned it because I have connections, Ms. Dash,” Fancy Pants said with a soft smile. “And considering your rather... erm...” He glanced at Filthy, then back at her. “...strenuous line of work, you could probably do with a more-than-decent health care plan. I'd be more than happy to get you in contact with an agent or two who operate in my circles.”

“Is weather flying as dangerous as it sounds?” Filthy Rich spoke up. “I don't suppose Global Whinnying has any impact on—”

“Let's just say that since I started helping Fancy Pants out with his business propositions, I've gotten to stretch my legs a bit more than usual,” Rainbow Dash said. “Sometimes in directions they shouldn't bend.”

Fancy Pants gave a jolly laugh and raised his champagne glass. “And yet, your courage and tenacity has all been well-placed! Granite Mountain would not have gone as swimmingly as it has if it weren't for your heroics.”

“I... I feel like I'm out of the loop here,” Filthy said, glancing aside.

“It's perfectly fine,” Rainbow Dash droned. She glared slightly in Fancy's direction. “There isn't much to discuss. Am I right?”

“Ahem...” Fancy cleared his throat and squirmed. “Quite.”

“But, all that being said, if you wanna hook me up, Fancy, I wouldn't mind seeing what opportunities there are for—”

“Oh dear...” Filthy grimaced.

The other two looked at him. “What is it, chap?” Fancy asked.

“Just... a little crowded in here,” Filthy said, staring at the restless figures at the apartment entrance. “It's just something else that doesn't bear discussing,” he uttered this while glaring knowingly in Rainbow's direction.

Rainbow glanced at the distant thugs, rolled her eyes, and dipped out of view.

“Well, perhaps we can talk about Photo's most exceptional art!” Fancy said. “I'm rather fond of her collection of wire-frame tortoises filled with Manehattan street litter! What about you, milady?” He glanced aside, blinking at nothing. “...Rainbow?”

“I, Photo Finish, mean it, meine friend!” Rainbow breathlessly stammered while trotting slowly with one forelimb hung over Sapphire Shores' neck. Her white wig hung a little crooked. “It's been a krazy efenink, ja? No need to hang around here forefer!”

“Pffft! What are you even saying, girl?”

“I'm sayink zat zere is no shame in kallink it in early! Ze same vith your friends! I'm sure zey are uber tired as well!”

“Hah! You almost got me, girl!” Sapphire Shores winked.

“Vat...?”

“You're not getting rid of me that easily! I've just been dying to know what your latest masterpiece is!”

“Uhhhhh...”

“The one you've promised to unveil by night's end!” Sapphire beamed. “And I know that I'm not the only one who's been waiting with baited breath for this moment! Hah! Don't be shy, my main mare. It doesn't suit you! Besides, you're young yet! Maybe this is the evening you finally win yourself a new beau!”

“A new beau,” Rainbow droned.

“Shazam!” Sapphire slapped Photo's wink and trotted away with a proud grin. “You're on top of the world! So let the night last forever! OW!”

Rainbow glared at her her, body drooping in the multi-colored dress.

“Uhm... Photo?” A party-goer trotted up, tapping the mare on the shoulder. “Sorry to bother you, but is your dear friend Madame Firefly around? There's this tipsy stallion in armor who keeps whimpering her name.”

“Guhhhhhhhh-rgghhh!” Rainbow galloped off.

“HIC!” Suri Polomare sat, slumped back in a chair with a half-empty champagne bottle gripped in her hoof. “Wellllllllll howdy partner! HIC!”

CLANG! Trenderhoof was dropped in the chair beside her. A pauldron and a leg guard peeled off as he leaned back, grinning with rosy-cheeks. “HIC! Howdy to you t-too... HIC!... ladyyyyyyyyyyy! Heeheehee!”

“There...” Rainbow Dash straightened the folds in her green dress and then rested her hooves on the stallion's shoulders. “Is the world spinning?”

“No... HIC! But your m-mane is...” Trenderhoof grinned. “Funny how the drink dulls the pain of falling over all the time in this silly armor.”

Rainbow smirked and pointed. “Just keep dreaming till you see winged buffalo, and you'll be A-okay!”

“She's right, y'know! HIC!” Suri gurgled.

Trenderhoof giggled like a little colt. “Heh... heheheh... is it just me, or are you turning gray, beautiful?”

“Uhhhhhhh...” Rainbow blinked. Her ruby eyes darted up to see that she was still sporting the white wig. “Awwww shoot!”

“She is!” Suri pointed, guffawing. “She's grayer than the Manea Lisa!”

“Haaaaaaa-hahahah!” Trenderhoof swatted Rainbow's shoulder. “Old age doesn't betray you, madamadamadamadame! HIC! We could totally grow old together and peel oranges along the Marediterranean!”

“Yeah. Uh. No.” Rainbow yanked the wig off her head and shoved it inside her blouse. “But I tell you what you can do!” She pointed. “You can sit here like good little ponies and introduce yourselves to one another. Make it a game! The first one to throw up has to buy the other one a drink!”

“No thanks.” Trenderhoof held back a burp. “I'm carriage-pulling.”

“Snkkkkt-Heeheeheeeheee!”

“Heh...” Trenderhoof smiled blearily at her. “It's not everyday that mares laugh at my jokes.”

“It's just that they're so—HIC—funny!”

“Hrmmmm—the name is Trenderhoof. Feel free to wear it out.” He tried shaking her hoof.

She tried shaking his. Both missed. “Mrmmmm—HIC! My name is Polio Suromare... or something like that.”

“You sure?”

“I dunno. HIC! I think my assistant wrote it down.” Suri turned and shouted towards the far end of the bustling party. “Hey! Fuzzhead! Fuzzhead fuzzhead fuzzhead!”

“Is it working?”

“I don't—HIC!—think so.”

“Here. Lemme try.” Trenderhoof lunged out his chair. “Hey FUZZHE—WHOAH!” He fell out of the chair. “Ooomf...”

“Oh noes!” Suri giggled and got up. “I n-need to reset your spine!” THUD! She collapsed over him, spilling champagne on the floor. “HIC!... any better?”

“Lots! Thanks for the steamroller!”

“Hehehe-HIC!—hehehehe!”

“Friggin' lightweights...” All the while, Rainbow Dash was backtrotting away from the pair. “Right. You two have fun... by yourselves... far away from me.” She spun around and faced a sharp beak between her eyes.

“Going somewhere, Madame?” Romulus asked.

“Oh for buck's sake!” Rainbow tossed her mane, growling.

“I'm starting to figure it all out,” the bounty hunter said. “I'm onto you, whoever you are. And when everything you're trying to do here collapses in on itself, I'll be there to scoop up what's mine.”

“Yeah, well, you'll have to fight—like—a million other ponies who think it belongs to someone else.”

Romulus' eyes narrowed. “Like...?”

Rainbow motioned with her neck. “Check the doors, eagle eye.”

Romulus squinted. “Hrmmmm...”

In the distance, several of Don Canter's stallions stood, squirming impatiently.

“Mobsters?” Romulus blinked. “Really? And I thought I had enough crap dealing with the other mare.”

“Wait...” Rainbow squinted. “Other mare?”

Romulus gave her a double-take. “You mean you don't know?”

Rainbow slowly shook her head. “Uhhhh... should I?”

“What kind of a friggin' bounty hunter are you?”

“The awesome kind.”

“Pigeon feathers.” Romulus pointed a talon. “You're a nobody, a common thug who's about to lose her head. Even if you do know where the artifact is, I'll be waiting to swipe it from you before you so much as even poke a coat hair outside this damn flat.”

“You couldn't even keep your eyes on me that long if you wanted to, bucko.”

“Oh yeah?” Romulus grinned beneath his beak. “And how do you know that, pony girl?”

“Because I once went steady with a griffon for over a year,” Rainbow said, smirking. “I learned all her blind spots... including how to make more.” That said, she grunted and flung her wings forward.

“Guhh!” Romulus flinched, but was too late to prevent the inevitable. A gust of artificial wind ripped several of his chest's down feathers loose, kicking up a gray flurry before his face and obscuring his sight. He hissed, waving his talon around to bat away the feathery pieces of himself. At last, he flapped his own wings, clearing the apartment right in front of him.

A few feather-coasted ponies blinked at him, but the pegasus was gone.

“It... how...” Romulus snarled, his claws raking against the floor. “Rrrrrrgh!”

Swisssh! Rainbow spun through the door and slumped down, panting... panting... panting...

She looked down at her green dress. Not only was “Madame Firefly's” gown wrinkled all over, but it was starting to tear along the outer seams.

Rainbow ran a hoof along her bangs. “Celestia on a unicycle... I can't keep this crap up for much longer,” she muttered.

“Well,” Lancie said from the sideline. “From the looks of things, you won't have to.”

“Huh...?” Rainbow glanced up, tiredly.

“F-Fraulein...?” a drunken voice slurred.

Rainbow's ruby eyes lit up. “Photo!” Her smiling teeth glinted in the panic room's light.

A Dumb Miracle

“Fraulein Firefly is uber beautiful in zis light...” Photo hiccuped, her dull blue eyes sparkling for a brief moment in the secret room's light. “She deserfes some fine shtallion to dance vith, ja?”

“Photo! I'm so glad you're awake!” Rainbow darted over to the mare's side, lifting her up in a sitting position. “Talk to me, girl!”

“Hrmmf...” Lancie folded his arms. “You're welcome, Lady Sparkavere...”

“Heh... am I, Photo Finish, seeink squirrels vis antlers or is it ze beer talkink?”

“Never mind all of that, Photo!” Rainbow shook the mare. “Look at me! Concentrate! The code...”

“Hmmmf?” Photo blinked wearily. She felt like a burlap bag of wet noodles in Rainbow's grip. “Vat code...?”

“To the safe! The vault! The bigflank lockbox thingy behind us!”

Photo squinted. “But... but vhy?” Photo's head nodded, drifted. “Meine schon masterpiece...”

“Photo... listen to me.” Rainbow clenched her teeth. “Don Canter... alright? Don Canter has sent his henchguys to do their henching here and they won't stop until we get that thing open and cough up the shard that's inside it!”

“Don... Canter...”

“They've threatened you... they've threatened me... they've threatened your kids. They won't leave the damn party until they get what they want! So help me get them out of here and off your back, Photo! Tell me the code to open the vault so I can give them the damn shard.”

“Shard...?”

“You know what I'm talking about. Just about everypony who pretends to be nopony knows about it. So quit beating around the bush!”

“Hmmm...” Photo gave a tipsy smile. “Fraulein...”

“Please, Photo. You... y-you've been very, very kind to me.” Rainbow gulped. “I may still be able to fix things.”

Photo stroked Rainbow's cheek. “Zere... is nosink to fix. Only to beautify. Zat is how ze art magiks vork. Efen imperfections can glitter when snapped in ze right light.”

Rainbow sighed, clenching her eyes shut. “Photo... the code. Please. You can rest afterwards. I just need—”

“Someday, sooner zan later, I vill be restink eternally.” Photo slowly shook her head. “Vhat I do to surfife makes little difference.” She gulps. “It's vhere and how I am vhen I die zat vill determine meine legacy. Not just for me... but for meine darlink Hanzes.”

“Photo, there won't be any Hanzes if you don't let me inside the vault—”

“Sky blue.”

Rainbow blinked. “Huh?”

“Ve are both ze same color, ja?” Photo giggled—hiccuped—and reeled in Rainbow's grasp. “Hmmmm... like long lost sisters. I look in your face, Fraulein, and I see myself... before ze sickness...” She tensed briefly. “...before meine husband.”

Rainbow bit her lip.

“I understand it all now...” Photo giggled, and her eyes fluttered shut. “Somesink to meditate on in dreams. Mmmmm... ja...”

“Photo... Photo!” Rainbow gnashed her teeth as the mare went limp.

Lancie fidgeted. “Uhm... want me to run to the nearest funeral shop? I bet there's a discount on funeral drums this time of year.”

“Can it, ya stone turd.” Rainbow sighed, gently laying Photo back down. “She's just sleeping... again.”

“Wow, if this party doesn't scare you sober, Sparky—heheh—I don't know what will!”

Rainbow flashed him a glare. “Are you kidding?”

He held a talon up, lingered, then shrugged. “You know what? I'm not sure anymore.”

Rainbow looked like she was about to say something. Instead, she sighed, slumping onto all fours as she stared closely at Photo's unconscious body.

The photographer looked paper thin, with her joint bones appearing noticeably pronounced beneath her fuzzy coat.

“For a moment there, it seemed like you were wanting to open the vault just to give up the shard,” Lancie said.

“Jee, nothing gets past you,” Rainbow slurred.

“Sparky...” Lancie strolled over. “I need those pieces back. But we both know it isn't just about that. Neither is it just about fixing up Frecklestrogen's farm.” His stone eyes narrowed. “If those Frolicking Ford Cloppola thugs get ahold of Photo's shard, there's no telling what sort of unsexy stuff they might unleash on the denizens of the Manehattan underground.” He examined his talon. “Not that I care...” He looked up. “But you sure as Tartarus do.”

“You're damn right,” Rainbow grunted. “And I know that I can't just hand it over to Don Canter... or to Romulus... or to this other mare...”

Lancie blinked. “'Other mare?'”

“Meh. That's what Romulus said. Probably to throw me off.”

“Then just what were you going to do?”

“Well, it doesn't matter now.” Rainbow sighed, gazing at the vault. “It doesn't matter to Photo if she's gonna screw up this party or her reputation or even her own kids. The poor mare's been sapped of hope for so dang long. She's liable to take her secret with her to her grave, and at this rate it won't be all too dang long from now. So maybe it's a merciful thing that Don Canter's thugs have come... knocking... so soon...” She lingered, her eyes narrowing.

“Hmmm?” Lancie blinked. “What is it?”

Rainbow looked at the vault, then at Photo Finish. She rubbed her chin in deep, deep thought.

“... … ...”

Photo smiled. She gazed across the floor at Rainbow Dash with thin eyes and spoke in an low, intimate tone.

“I had a fision... a vondrous hallucination of ze magiks. I kame to, and I saw meine hoof outstretched towards ze heavens... and I vas releasing doves—ja, an entire flock—and zey were fillink ze sky with brilliance and kolor. Such inexplicable birds, like klouds from ze core of meine lungs. I realized I, Photo Finish, shtill had vone final masterpiece to make. Zis next party at ze apartment... I vill impress eferypony... I vill make ze Hanses proud, efen if it's ze last sink zat I do...”

She smiled brighter, and her cheeks turned rosy, spilling life back into her frail figure.

Rainbow Dash's lips pursed. She stood up slowly.

Tilting her head down, she looked at her own blue hoof.

“Sparky...?” Lancie murmured, cocking his head to the side.

“Photo and I are very similar, Lancie,” Rainbow said. She gulped. “For all of our talk and all of our poise... we're still just hopeless romantics waiting for an impossible miracle to happen, dying all the way to the grand unveiling.”

“Well, that's poetically fluffy,” the statue said. “What's it got to do with the here and now.”

“I think...” Rainbow stumbled up towards the vault. “...I think I can show you.”

Lancie watched from afar, scratching his stone head.

Rainbow stopped just in front of the numberpad. Her eyes fixated on the liquid crystal display above the buttons. Slowly, she pivoted her head to the right, so that the thin letterbox display rotated ninety degrees to her vision.

Then, with quiet precision, she reached in and pressed four numbers: Seven, Three, Three, and Three.

“7333.”

Rainbow held her breath.

Beep-beep-beep! Whurrrrrrrrr-Cl-CLANK! With a hiss of depressurized air, the massive metal door to the vault cracked open.

Rainbow blinked, her eyes reflecting the first of several dazzling shapes from within. Lancie waddled up to her side, dumbfounded.

“But... but... what?!” He shrugged and looked up at her. “How...?”

“How else?” Rainbow smiled, glancing down at her forelimb. “A hoof releasing doves into the air?” She smirked at him. “Nothing less than a dumb miracle.”

Out of the Vault

“Look at all this junk...” Lancie shuffled into the tiny vault alongside Rainbow Dash. The shelves along the walls were stacked with lockboxes, containers, trinkets, and various paintings and photographs. “If there's anything in life I hate, it's hoarders.” He blinked. “Actually, I take that back. Heheh...” He folded his arms and smirked up at her. “I'm not a big fan of Adam Saddler movies.”

“She must have been collecting stuff for years,” Rainbow said. She trotted around a tall lump of a thing in the center of the room. It was covered with a gray tarp and planted atop a wheeled dolly. “This must be her masterpiece... the thing that she wanted to unveil to tonight's party guests.”

“Whoopty Fausting Doo,” Lancie yawned. “Still, how are we going to find the shard in all this mess?”

“You tell me, Einstallion,” Rainbow said, glaring at him. “You're the one with tingly Lancie senses.”

The statue squinted. He held a paw over his brow, peering across the shelves. “Mmmm...” Finally, he smiled and pointed at pedestal in the far corner. “We have a winner.”

“Huh?” Rainbow turned around. Her eyes twitched. “You gotta be kidding me.” She flew up high and hovered beside a comically enormous cylinder of granite. At the top of it, a slender branch was sticking straight up. It took a few seconds for Rainbow to realize that it was the piece of a torso and an outstretched arm. “I'll need a Celestia-dang wagon to drag this thing back home!”

“Thanks. I'm flattered.”

Rainbow spun. “What the buck were you doing with your arm stretched way up while you were turned to stone anyways?!”

“Practicing my baritone.”

“Lancie...”

“Believe me. The real answer is a lot less sexy.”

“How'd she land herself this thing anyways?” Rainbow cackled. “She must have spent her whole fortune!”

“She does seem to be rather fatalistic about everything.” Lancie shrugged. “Guess it goes with her finances as well.”

Rainbow exhaled, hovering lower. “Yeah...”

“Face it, Sparky, she was doomed long before we ever trounced into her life. The mare's wacko. Screwy in the head. If you ask me, that's perfect. She won't be nibbling on the cold toes of death quite as succulently. I've been around long enough to know that—believe or not—it's the best way to go.”

Rainbow stood on her hooves, staring up at the tarp-covered artpiece. She bit on her lower lip.

“So, are we done here or what?” Lancie picked up a random necklace with a red alicorn emblem. “So long, Manehattan Project.” He flung the thing casually into the background. “Hello, Ponyville. Am I right or am I right?”

Rainbow sighed long and hard. “We can't go just yet.”

“Buh?” Lancie went crosseyed. “Sparky, I think you've been inhaling too much Calvin Klop perfume. You've got sociopathic socialites, a murderous griffon, and the cast of Goodfillies all waiting to tear this place apart! Of course we're out of here!”

“I knew when I first came here that I'd be going out of my element to get the shard,” Rainbow said. “But I was being stupid and selfish. All I was thinking about was myself.” She gulped, then stared out the vault door at where Photo was lying unconscious. “I didn't really... really think about the sort of toll it would put on other ponies.”

Lancie sighed into his granite paw. “Sparky Sparky Sparky...”

“I used to be a loyal friend. But look at me?” Rainbow winced. “I've used Vinyl and lied to Rarity... more than once. And now this mare and her two kids are in a bad place and it's all thanks to me.”

“Don't even pretend to go down that road,” Lancie said in a cold tone. “These freakjobs were already flirting with disaster. Practically humping it.”

“Yeah, but I didn't make anything better.”

“And you couldn't make it worse either!” Lanchie pointed. “You gotta stop giving credit to not giving yourself credit! Some things can't be helped! It's a chaotic world, after all, just grab what you can and fly towards the horizon!”

“Chaos can kiss my awesome fuzzy flank!” Rainbow snarled at him. “If you thought any differently about me, then why come along for the ride in the first place?”

He said nothing.

“Don't worry,” Rainbow groaned. “We're gonna get the shard out of here. But... first thing's first...”

“Dare I ask?”

“If you want.” Rainbow trotted behind the large tarped artpiece on roller. “Nnnngh” She began shoving it out the vault. “Photo may... n-not get to live a long life, but at least she'll get to see her life's work get praised!”

“Suddenly you're the life of the party...”

“Besides, it'll be a healthy distraction.” Rainbow smiled while sweating. “And while I unveil this sucker, you are gonna drag the shard to a window and the both of us are gonna bolt!”

“Now we're talking...”

“Yeah, well, soon we're gonna need to master disappearing.” Rainbow gulped. “Because as soon as those windows open, all of Manehattan's seedy underbelly will be trying to bite our nipples off..”

“Pffft. Speak for yourself, girl.”

“I thought I just did.”

And Into the Drink

“Gllbllbb!” Trenderhoof pulled a glass of champagne from his muzzle as alcohol dribbled down his chin. “And that's when I said 'If you're not pregnant, then what's the address of the watermelon farm you gobbled up?!'” He slapped his own knee and wheezed, “Ohhhhhhhhhhh she slapped me so hard I had to get a tooth surgically removed from my ear!”

“Hah-haaaaah-wuhhhhhhh-haaaaaaah!” Suri Polomare laughed like a braying donkey, spilling the contents of her own glass while rolling beside the half-armored unicorn. “That is sooooooo funny!”

“Wow, you really think so?” Trenderhoof reeled back in his chair, guffawing. “I can't believe it! Her coltfriend certainly didn't! I found out the hard way that I could sing soprano! Hah hah hah!”

“Heeheehee! Whewwwww...” Suri hiccuped and waved a hoof. “That... that... that that that that that that that that that reminds me of this this this this one time in home ec class when me and my marefriends tried to convince this fat loser that we had just gotten her a spool of wool to make a tie out of...” She paused to guzzle down a drink—completely missing her muzzle. “...when in fact we had just clumped together a bunch of feline hairballs!”

“No wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...”

“Oh totalllllly!” Suri's haunches did little hippity-hops until her chair rotated around to face him directly. “It was all fun and games until the fleas inside 'em hatched! Of course... she had already given the tie to the principal at that point.”

“Ha ha ha ha—HIC—ha ha ha ha ha!”

“Oh boy did I fly as farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr from Seaddle as I could!” She belched, slapped her chest, and said, “In fact, my wings fell off because of it! See? Heeheehee!”

Trenderhoof spat out his drink and slapped her shoulder. “I knew there was something I liked about you!”

“Hehehehe!”

“Ha ha ha!... Whew...! Wow, this is the finest party boat I've ever been on!”

“Me too! Woooo! WoooooOOoooo!”

From a distance, Coco Pommel stood in place, sipping daintily on punch. She stared at Suri's inebriated figure with a tiny smile.

“Oh dear...” Fancy Pants trotted up, wincing noticeably. “Those two are certainly experts at making a scene.”

Coco nodded. “I know.”

“Isn't that your colleague with the pink coat?”

“Mmmmmhmmmm...”

“Oh, you poor dear.” Fancy shifted awkwardly. “This must be terribly uncomfortable for you.”

Coco shook her petite head. “No. Not really.”

Fancy cocked his head to the side. “Oh?”

“I've never seen Suri this... this...”

Fancy cleared his throat. “Intoxicated?”

Coco sighed with a smile. “Happy...”

Fancy raised his eyebrow. “Hmmm. Is that so?” He smirked. “Well, I'd certainly hate to see her angry.”

Coco's eyebrows went straight as a razor. “Then stab out your damn eyes,” she droned. “Starting tomorrow.”

Fancy bit his lip and slowly... slowly backed away.

He passed by a pair of suited thugs glancing all around the apartment. Unbeknowst to them, a griffon in regal attire was sneaking up to a marble statue right beside them, craning his ear to their conversation.

“She's stallin' for far too long. I'd say we ransack the place.”

“With everypony watchin'? She's usin' them as a meat shield!”

“For what? We just need to talk to her, y'know? Talk to her insides.”

“I ain't rippin' open no broads unless we can find out for sure where the prize is.”

“Fine. I'll just... go find her kids and read 'em a bedtime story. They'll make her come out and squeal.”

“Hmmf. Alright. I'll keep an eye out on the drunken idiots to make sure they don't see you—”

“Good tang abendigo, frauleins and frauleiners!” Rainbow's accented voice shouted from the far end of the apartment.

The two thugs jerked, glancing up in surprise. “Huh?”

A mare dressed up as Photo Finish came out of hiding, shoving in front of her a huge shrouded object on wheels. “Ze moment zat you all hafe been vaitink for is here!” Her violet shades glinted brightly in the lights. The local deejay killed the pumping music as all heads turned to focus on her. “I, Photo Finish, hafe prepared a masterpiece for your eyes and your eyes alone! Ja! It's time to... uh... droppen sie ze saurkraut on zis female dog, if you know vhat Photo Finish is sayink!”

The thugs exchanged confused glances.

“What...” Romulus hawkeyes narrowed as he hissed aloud, “...is she doing?”

“Photo Finish! Babyyyyyyyyyy!” Sapphire Shores trotted up in a bubbly canter. “As I live and shiiiiine! Ow! It's about time you came outta hidin', girl!” She grinned wide. “I should have brought my bass section just to give you the mother of all drumrolls!”

“Please... please...” Rainbow Dash waved a dainty hoof and straightened her wig. “Keep ze poundin' to yourselfes! Unless, of kourse, you count your hearts! For meine beats heafily as I schare zis schon moment vis you!” She stood up on her hind quarters, holding two hooves over her chest as she posed beside the tarp-covered object. “Ohhhhhhh! Levy Goose! Zat I might efer... efer reach zis pinnacle of wunderbarness again someday!” As she spoke dramatically, she glanced out the corner of her shades.

A tiny granite statue was pulling a not-so-tiny granite object across the far end of the apartment, heading towards the windows. Lancie shook, struggled, and strained.

Rainbow gritted her teeth, twitching her ears in a very loose attempt to point him along his way.

“Here, lil' darlin'...” Filthy Rich trotted up and pressed a hoof against the object. “Let me wheel it in the rest of the way—”

“Nein!” Rainbow slapped his hoof so hard that he accidentally uppercutted himself. Ponies gasped as the stallion collapsed to the floor. Meanwhile, Rainbow went on. “Eight, even! Uhhh... uhhhh...” She stared at Lancie, winced at the very little distance he was making, and then proceeded to chirp: “I must do zis alone! For I hafe... prepared... uhhhh... a speech! Ja! A speech!”

“Oh, how sensational!” Sapphire Shores trotted over Filthy's groaning figure and grinned at the crowd. “Shhhhhh! Quiet down, everypony! This is my sugar doll's moment!”

“Hrmmmm...” Romulus folded his paws from a distance. “This should be rich...”

Rainbow's Believe-It-Or-Not

“From ze moment zat I first began photographink ze magiks, I knew zat my life vould be made komplete srough ze art medium alone...”

As Rainbow spoke, she looked through the corner of her shades. Lancie was slowly making his way towards the window, dragging the granite torso by its outstretched arm. He strained with each painful inch he had to scale.

Rainbow glanced back at the sea of pony eyes, eyes, and more eyes staring at her. “It is how I, Photo Finish, kapture eferysink zat is... uh... awesome! And beautiful! And sparkly!” She gulped. “Did I mention awesome?”

At last, Lancie reached a window. He tried shoving the thing open, ultimately failing. The window was stuck too tight within its frame, so he had to drag his statue towards the next one.

Wincing, Rainbow continued, “For awesome is vhat awesome does!” she said with a nervous smile. “My moser always told me, life is like a box full of awesome. You nefer know whose flank you're goink to kick!”

The crowd chuckled, which masked the sound of Lancie dropping the shard with a thud, leaping on top of it, and shoving against the next window with all his strength.

“Cry hafok... and... uhm...” Rainbow fidgeted. “Let slip ze dogs of awesome? Ja. Zat's a good one...”

One of Don Canter's stallions leaned in towards the other. “The buck kind of a speech is this?”

“She's stalling,” the other one said. He pulled something metal and glinting from his coat. “Come on. Let's give her a reason to hurry up...”

“The only sink ve hafe to fear is awesomeness itself—” Rainbow glanced to her side. She spotted the two stallions making their way towards the far end of the apartment where the Hanzes' bedroom was.

“Hmmm?” Sapphire Shores turned to follow Rainbow's line of sight. Fancy Pants also pivoted to see. They were milliseconds away from spotting a little statue with antlers about to make off with a granite shard—

“Fillies and gentlecolts!” Rainbow shouted. “I, Photo Finish, present to you...” She grabbed the tarp in her muzzle and hoisted it clean off. “Meine greatest masterpiece efer!”

With a loud flapping sound, the tarp fell to the floor. The two thugs stopped in their tracks, turning to glance. Suddenly, their pupils shrunk, turning to red pinpricks in a yellow sea.

Rainbow blinked curiously at that. Out of the corner of her eyes, she spotted several more ponies freezing in their place. A collective hush fell through the crowd. Feeling a chill, she pivoted her head and glanced at them.

One by one—Sapphire Shores, Fancy Pants, Coco Pommel, and even Filthy Rich who was standing up—everypony stood dead-still in their tracks. Their eyes widened, and the cornea turned from eggshell white to vomit yellow. Their pupils took on a crimson shade, and their bodies twitched in their extremities.

“Uhhhhh...” Rainbow turned to look at the thing she had just unveiled. She raised a confused eyebrow. “Huh...?”

The “masterpiece” was nothing more than a gigantic paper mache doppelganger of the shard that she and Lancie had just retrieved from Photo Finish's vault. But that wasn't all. Every single square inch of the “sculpture” was covered from top to bottom with copy upon copy upon copy of the same photograph: of the shard itself. Rainbow couldn't even fathom counting, but she presumed there were no less than five hundred copies of the same photograph of the chaotic shard. And for whatever inexplicable reason—

“Guahhhh...” Coco Pommel twitched all over as if being overwhelmed with a seizure. Suddenly, with a flash of light cascading down her body, her mane and coat turned a dull gray. She blinked, put on a mischievous smile, and turned towards the graying mare next to her. “Hmmmm... what a lovely silk dress you're wearing.”

The other pony mearely drooled where she stood. “Huhhhhh...?”

Riiiiiiiip! Coco spontaneously ripped the gown straight down the middle. “Not anymore!” She spat on the lady's torn gown and snickered to herself, turning to the next pony and ripping the cuffs off his suit. “Oh, I'm so sorry! Lemme alter that for you!” She ripped his collar off and threw it across the room.

“Hrmmmm...” Fancy Pants—a gray spectacle of what he once was—trotted down a line of partygoers. “Don't mind if I do, ladies...” He levitated several pearl and silver necklaces off of random ponies and stuffed them into his pockets. “These are going deep underground in my mansion!” He grinned, his red eyes a stark contrast to his alabaster form. “That way, nopony will ever enjoy them!”

“LAA LAA LAA LAA LAAAAAAA!” Filthy Rich hollered straight into Sapphire Shores' ears.

“Please... st-stop it!” Sapphire wept, clutching her gray head as tears came out her yellowed eyes. “I c-can't stand music... I hate it!”

Slowly, the party mysteriously unraveled, morphing into a roaring commotion of chaos, anger, and confusion. Ponies shoved each other. Ponies shouted vulgar insults. Ponies laughed and ponies wept. Rainbow stood, gawking curiously at the scene. She spotted several of Don Canter's thugs fighting with one another while Romulus wandered in a dumb circle, crashing champagne glasses over his skull, but this was hardly a relief to her.

“What... the... b-buck...?!” Rainbow stared over at Lancie.

Lancie was frozen in the middle of trying to open the window. He glanced awkwardly at Rainbow. The two of them—for whatever reason—were the only two unaffected.

And yet the party grew louder and louder, with the inexplicably gray ponies growing more and more violent. Soon, statues and portraits and chairs were being tossed left and right, crashing against the floor and walls of the place.

Rainbow gulped. She lowered her shades and stared with twitching, ruby eyes.

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy...”

Whelp, Better Late Than Never (v.2)

A chair flew over Lancie's antlers, exploding aginst the wall with a spray of splinters.

“Huh...” The statue rubbed his stone chin. “Who'd a thunk it?” He smirked and placed his knuckles against his hips. “This party finally started to kick off!”

A blue hoof wrapped tightly around his neck.

“Ulp!”

Rainbow lifted Lancie until they stared muzzle to stone muzzle. “What in the blue Tartarus is going on?!” Rainbow's voice cracked above the sound of mayhem.

“I d-dunno, Sparky! I'm guessing Season Six has just been announced!”

“Lancie, I'm friggin' serious!” Rainbow ducked another thrown object and hopped over two wrestling bodies as the room continued erupting around them. “They were just fine a moment ago! How come everything turned into Saddledom and Ghemarea out of nowhere?!”

“Something something pillar of salt, something?”

“Grrrrrrrrrr...” Rainbow dove behind a table and knocked it over to block several thrown objects. “Lancieeeee!”

“Well, tell me this!” the statue sputtered. “That thingy you just unveiled. Is it covered with what I think it is?!”

“Yes!” Rainbow wheezed, huddling with the effigy beside the table. “Hundreds of photographs of the same thing!”

“And that is—?”

“Your friggin' shard! Looking at the dayum thing is like seeing inside a dragonfly's eye!”

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...” Lancie nodded.

“Why?! How's that gonna explain all this mess?!”

“Well, you know how some ponies are superstitious enough to believe that cameras can steal their souls?”

“Uhhh... sure?”

“Turns out that reality likes to be really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really stupid about stuff like that!” Lancie said.

Rainbow winced as a thrown punch bowl shattered against the table. “You m-mean to tell me that multiple photographs of the same shard is making ponies turn chaotic?! Like literally?!”

“Yeah, isn't it sexy?”

“Lancie!”

“Hey...” Lancie shrugged. “I don't make the rules of harmony! I just break them!” He and Rainbow flinched as the table behind them shook again. “It'd be the same if you dropped a piece of me into the mirror maze of a funhouse! Now, I doubt your sickly art friend meant anything by it. After all, if she was exposed to the photographic copies one by one, she probably didn't notice or feel a difference unlike these crazy saps here!”

“Well, that doesn't explain everything!”

“Why not?”

Rainbow grimaced. “How come I haven't turned all crazy and begun tearing stuff apart?!”

“Maybe you just have a high tolerance for chaos, Sparky!” Lancie grinned. “You know, like a hearty pony can take down a load of alcohol?!”

“Horse hockey!”

“Or maybe because you've hung around me so long, you're immune to direct chaos!” Lancie smirked. “It's all rather fascinating, don't you think?!”

“I've no time to be fascinated by anything!”

“Yeesh. No wonder you've gotten so stale.”

“Dang it, Lancie!” Rainbow hissed as two yelling mares fought past them. “Can't you stop it or something?!”

“Hey. I'm no good without my missing pieces!”

“Well, you just found one of them! Can't you—I dunno—give this place the zap?!”

“You just have to ask yourself one question, Sparky!” Lancie barked. “Do I do that now, and leave out blessing the Duchess of Applesauce?!” He gestured at the continuous wreck spreading around them. “Or can you find a way to kick this in the groin on your own, thereby saving yourself the heartache?!”

Rainbow gritted her teeth. “Grnnnngh... h-how in the fuzzy heck do I stop pure chaos on my own?!”

“Just throw a wrench in the deus ex machina, why don'tcha?!”

“Huh?”

Lancie pointed over the table. “The 'masterpiece,' Sparky! Trash it!”

“How?!” Rainbow grunted. “It's not like I have the kerosene to light it on fire or something!”

“The fun part of causing explosions is realizing that nature has already given you half of the ingredients to do the job with!” Lancie said. “Take gravity for example...”

Rainbow nervously peered over the edge of the overturned table.

She looked past two wrestling thugs and a sobbing Filthy Rich to see the front entrance to the apartment. The door was wide open, and she could see the elevator doors beyond.

“Of course!” Rainbow squeaked. “The elevator shafts!” She glanced at the statue. “Lancie, I'm going to introduce tonight's main event to the basement level... at high speed!”

“Does this mean you'll stop gripping my neck in a vice?”

“You...” Rainbow plopped the statue down. “...will get the dayum shard outside and onto the balcony!”

“You mean you want me to single-hoofedly drag my own torso past this grunge fest?!” Lancie blinked. “Sounds like fun!” He grinned. “Good luck, Sparky!”

“Hrmmmf... Luck has nothing to do with it.” She stood up from behind the table. CLANG! A champagne tray ricocheted off her skull. “Guhhh... then again...”

“Try to keep a stiff upper lip!” Lancie said as he scurried back towards the windows.

“If it wasn't swelling already,” Rainbow muttered. Then, fumbling in her Photo Finish disguise, she proceeded to gallop, jump, dive, and roll her way through the ongoing royal rumble. “Look out! Whoah! Coming through! Make way for the living harmony bullet of awesomeness! That's right! Yo!”

She hopped over Sapphire Shores as the mare wrestled with Fancy Pants, then scurried past Romulus as he was colliding two stallions' skulls together. At one point, Coco Pommel leapt on Rainbow's backside and started tearing at Photo Finish's dress. With a snarl, Rainbow bucked the mare off so that she fell through a soft wall of photographs.

“Yeesh... I thought this was Manehattan, not Detrot...”

At last, Rainbow reached the artpiece. She pressed her hooves to the base of the object, pushing it along its wheeled support.

“Okay... j-just got to get this thing out of the apartment,” Rainbow wheezed to herself as she began shoving against the floor. “Gnnngh... dammit, Zecora, don't run out on me now—”

A lion's tail wrapped around her neck.

“Hcrkkkkt!” Rainbow wheezed, her legs dangling as she was lifted up in the air. Her bloodshot eyes darted down to see Romulus—a gray facade of his past self—staring back at her with crimson pupils. “Whelp... early b-bird gets the rainbow, huh?”

“Momma?!” Romulus hissed with a clattering beak. His eyes swirled. “You've gotten fat, Momma!”

“Mommy isn't here right now, dearie!” Rainbow sputtered, kicking and thrashing with her legs. “Have you tried s-searching the pigeon nests of Canter Park?!”

“Let me trim you down some, Momma...” That said, the griffon raised his glintingly sharp talons towards Rainbow's chest.

“No... no! Really, I-I'm fine!” Rainbow shook and struggled against Romulus' strong grip. “Honest! I'm on the Atcolts diet! I d-don't need liposuction—”

SMASH! A champagne bottle shattered over the back of Romulus' skull. With a groan, the griffon fell to the floor, dropping Rainbow.

“Whewwww!” Suri Polomare wheezed drunkenly, gripping the broken handle of a champagne bottle. “Haa haa haa! Home run!”

“Way to go!” Trenderhoof cheered. “You—HIC—rule at this game! HIC!”

“Nnnngh...” Rainbow shuddered, slowly standing back up. “I don't know whether to thank you or put you in rehab...”

“Hey! Honey!” Trenderhoof pointed while teetering in the middle of the bedlam. “It's my wife! HIC!” He blinked. “Or my marefriend... HIC!” He gulped. “...sister?”

“Heeheeheeeeee!” Suri slumped against the stallion's armored side. “She's so tinyyyyyyyyy.”

“Wait.” Rainbow glared at them. “How come you're not gray like the others?”

“Gray?!” Trenderhoof blinked. “Do we color ourselves gray for this party game?”

“I have the youthful complexion of a cherub!” Suri pumped her hoof in the air, stumbled, and fell into Trenderhoof's grasp. “...also the earth won't stop doing somersaults.”

“You're as drunk as a pair of skunks,” Rainbow slurred. She blinked wider. “You m-must not be affected!”

“Of c-course we're a confetti!” Trenderhoof warbled. “Anything for you, Duchess of Estrogenica!”

“Heeeee! He said 'confetti!'”

Rainbow glanced at the giant artpiece on rollers, then back at the two. “Look... uh... I need help with something, you two. I don't think I can push this on my own.”

“Pushinnnnng?” Trenderhoof cooed.

“Oooh! Oooh!” Suri hopped in place, waving her forelimb. “Are we giving birth?”

“... ... ...yeah, sure.”

“Yipeeeeeeee! I get the placenta first!”

“Nuh uh!”

“Ugh... don't remind me...” Rainbow nearly wretched, then hobbled over towards the far side of the object. “Now, push against the thing right here. The two of you...”

“Weeeeee! We're helping!”

Tear a Photo, It Won't Last Longer

“Okay... grnnghh...!” Rainbow Dash strained as she guided the heavy artpiece out of the noisy apartment and into the hallway beyond. “Just push... a little bit longer...!”

“Hey!” Trenderhoof belched. “I'm not popping out any foals! Are you?!”

“You kidding?!” Suri hiccuped. “I've spilled triplets by now!”

“Did you send them to—HIC!—school yet?!”

“No, ya stupid! It's the—HIC!—weekend!”

“Hah hah hah hah!”

“Good news, sweethearts!” Rainbow sputtered and waved for them to stop. “You can stop pushing now!”

“Awwwww... but I wanna be a—HIC—grandmother!”

“Then friggin' adopt! Now cut it out!”

Suri and Trenderhoof fell back on their haunches.

“Awwwww poop,” Trenderhoof uttered, teetering.

“Hey... Photo Finish...” Suri squinted blearily at Rainbow Dash. “How come you sound like Madame Firefly all of the sudden?”

“Uhhhhhhhhh...” Rainbow Dash winced behind her shades. “Let's just say that awesomeness runs off on me.”

“I'll buy that for a dollar!” Trenderhoof said.

“Heeheehee!” Suri leaned back and forth. She blinked. “Just what is a 'dollar' anyway?”

“I dunno!” Trenderhoof grinned. “I just made it up!”

“Hee hee hee hee!”

“Bwa ha ha ha ha!” The two leaned into each other, guffawing.

Loud crashing noises emanated from the apartment. Rainbow glanced back at the doorway, wincing. “Gotta make this quick...” She turned towards an elevator console and pressed the button repeatedly. Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding!

At last, a door opened up.

Without hesitation, Rainbow dove in, pressed the button for the highest floor, and dove back out. Breathless, she dashed towards an emergency box hanging on the opposite wall and pulled out a fire axe. Just as the doors began closing, she rushed back and slapped the axe in place so that it kept the outer doors pried open. Seconds later, the elevator car rose, exposing the empty shaft and an incredibly tall vertical chamber below.

“That oughta do it...” Rainbow dusted her hooves off and shouted towards the pair. “One last thing, everypony! I need each of you to hold a door open!”

“What, did a wasp get inside?”

“Something like that! Just do this one thing and... uhm... ice cream.”

“Ice cream?!”

“Yeah! Mountains of it!”

“Weeee!” Suri galloped over and gripped one door.

“Careful of the fire axe! You too, Trenderhoof!”

“Or else I'll be a knubby hoof!”

“Oh, Celestia forbid!”

“That's the spirit, you two!” As the pair held the door apart, Rainbow darted behind the giant collage of photos and shoved her back into it. “Rnnnnnghh... come on... come on ya friggin' photographic whale turd! Move!”

At last, the wheels squeaked and the object slid across the hallway. It fit cleanly through the elevator doors, then plunged so fast down the shaft that Rainbow Dash had to backflip from the shaft altogether. As she regained her bearings, she heard several clattering sounds. She trotted back forward and looked down in time for her ears to be tickled with the enormously loud sound of the artpiece shattering to bits at the bottom.

There was a noticeable shudder across Trenderhoof's and Suri's features. Down the hallway, Rainbow heard a wave of silence consuming the chaotic apartment soiree.

“Heh...” Rainbow smiled sweatily. “I think that did it...”

“Unnngh... why do I feel like a walrus just made love to my head?” Suri slurred.

Rainbow yanked the pair from the doors, forcing them to close. “Would you rather have a diagram for what drinking does to your brain?” She sighed, ears folded. “Then again, hypocrite of the month here...”

“Since when did you ever drink yourself fuzzy-silly, Photo?” Trenderhoof smirked.

“I'll tell you all about it. But first...” Rainbow pressed another console. Ding ding ding! Another pair of doors opened. “How about getting some fresh air?” She shoved the two ponies into the elevator. “I'll meet you in the lobby in a few minutes. For real.” She gulped. “I... uh... am totally not going to ditch you two, throw my clothes off, and fly to a faraway town that you've never heard of by morning. Sw-swear to Luna.”

“Whatever you say, Photo of the Month!” Suri saluted. “Keep on trucking!”

“Or just running over Manehattanites with trucks!”

“Yeah! What he said! Heeheehee!”

The door closed on the giggling pair, and they swiftly descended.

Rainbow Dash exhaled heavily. “I hope their livers don't put bounties out on me...” And she scampered back into the apartment.

Once inside, the destruction wrought by the possessed ponies was more than obvious. Paintings hung crookedly off tattered frames. Granite statues lay in shattered bits. The floor was covered all over in broken champagne glasses and torn dresses.

“Celestia...” Rainbow exhaled. “It's Spring Break all over again.” She blinked as—slowly and all around her—the ponies stirred and groaned, gradually getting up. “Well, they don't seem any worse for wear—” She winced while saying this, for she saw several of Don Canter's thugs among the ponies getting back up. “Ah jeez... uhhh... uhhhhm...”

“Pssssssst!”

Rainbow glanced across the room.

Lancie stood half-hidded behind an overturned sofa. He gripped the large shard by its granite hand and motioned to Rainbow.

Rainbow slid across the apartment and squatted beside him. “I gotta get us out of here, but we're going to need some cover.”

“Like how?” Lancie sputtered. “You could drop three grenades in this Tartarus hole and still it wouldn't be enough distraction!”

“Coming from you, I'm guessing that's a bad thing.”

“I'm just trying to get into your headspace.”

“Ew. Gross.”

“So what now, Sparky?”

“I've got an idea...”

“And you're just gonna go spit it out, huh?”

“Hey. Shut up.” Rainbow Dash stood atop the sofa and cleared her throat. “Attention! Attention! Uhhhh... Achtung! Schnell! Sprechen sie listen!” She waved her hooves wildly, catching the weary glances of multiple aching ponies. “I, Photo Finish, must humbly ask zat eferyvone of you geten sie out of zis apartment! Zis buildink, for zat matter!”

“Nnnngh...” Sapphire Shores rubbed her aching skull. “Baby baby... wh-what in the hay happened?”

“I say...” Fancy Pants winced. “I feel as though the royal vault of Canterlot has been dropped on my skull!”

“Zere is a reason for zat!” Rainbow shouted. “Zere has been a gas leak! A terrible, deadly gas leak!”

Several mares gasped and stallions stammered.

“Ja! Fery anti-sehr gut!” Rainbow nodded. “Vhich is vhy I, Photo Finish, need eferypony to marchen sie out of here in an orderly and kalm faschion! Maken sie your vay to ze lobby of ze buildink and vait outside for ze policia!”

“You ain't kiddin'!” Sapphire Shores said.

“You heard the mare!” Filthy Rich exclaimed, waiving his forelimbs. “Everypony, single file! Out the door!”

“Hold your breaths!” Fancy Pants added.

One by one, the ponies made their hasty exit, murmuring nervously as they winced from their fresh bruises.

In the meantime, Rainbow jumped down the couch and rejoined Lancie. “See? That wasn't so hard.”

“Can we now make like a tree and perform an existential quandary in a forest far, far away?” Lancie hissed. “Please?”

“I... c-can't help but feel as though I'm missing something...”

“Then go miss it on your own!” Lancie growled, then proceeded to drag the shard towards one of the windows. “I'm sick and tired of this arc!”

Nevertheless, Rainbow stood in place, fidgeting. At last, she gasped so hard that her purple shades nearly fell off her muzzle. “Gustav! Jaeger!”

“Huh?” Lancie looked over his shoulder. “Oh, for the love of Mick Foaly!”

Rainbow Dash was galloping down the apartment hallway. She took a hard left and kicked the door to the colts' room open. “Hans! The other Hans!” She fumbled around for a lightswitch. “Are you two okay?! Your... uh... mommy sent me to check on you two! There was a horrible gas leak and it messed up the party and—”

At last, she flipped the lightswitch. A sharp gap escaped her throat.

Both beds were empty.

“Friggacrap!” Rainbow Dash wheezed. She dashed in, looked all around, and trembled. “Nnnnnngh...” She galloped back out into the hallway.

“Good. You're back already,” Lancie droned. “Uhhh... go time?”

“The Hanzes!” Rainbow's voice cracked.

“The who?”

“Photo's adorable mutant kids!”

“What about them?”

“They're gone!” Rainbow gritted her teeth. “But h-how could they be gone?! It's not like they laid eyes on Photo's 'masterpiece!' I don't get it! Where could they have—?”

Rainbow heard a struggling sound from the door.

She spun to look.

Hans and the other Hans looked back at Rainbow Dash with wide eyes. If they yelled anything, the pegasus couldn't hear them from the gags placed over their mouths. As a matter of fact, they were presently being hauled out of the apartment door by several surly stallions. The thugs of Don Canter exited the apartment last, and two or three of them glanced back to give Rainbow Dash an evil smirk.

“Uhhhhhh...” Lancie blinked. “...amber alert, much?”

“Oh no...” Rainbow's muzzle went pale.

Neigh Hard With a Vengeance

“The Hanzes!” Rainbow yelped.

“What the heck do those guys plan to do with them?” Lancie scratched his chin. “Turn them into ketchup?” Right then, the large shard was snatched out of his grasp. “Hey!”

Rainbow Dash planted the heavy stone piece on her backside and galloped straight out of the apartment. “I've gotta catch up with them before they leave the building!”

“Sparkyyyyy?!” Lancie scampered after her on all fours. Despite his best efforts, the granite statue fell hopelessly behind. “You don't actually plan on giving them the shard in exchange for—?”

“I am not about to let Photo's kids become mafia fodder!”

“Who says they'll be killed?! Maybe they'll be trained to become badass assassin killers!”

“Lancie...”

“I mean it! They'll combine Gustav and Jaeger and make a Gruber!”

At this point, Rainbow had slid out into the open hallways of the apartment complex. She spun around, looking down every corridor. “Horseapples!” She continued spinning. “Do you see th-them?!” her voice cracked.

“I see one panicked pegasus in a clown suit. Rainbow, let's just go—”

“Dammit, Lancie, I'm not leaving them!”

“Oh come on!” Lancie grunted. “We got what we came for! Our target couldn't be more gotten than how we've just done got it!”

“It doesn't matter! I gotta find—”

“For the love of oatmeal, girl!” Lancie tugged on her fake white tail. “When are you going to stop yourself dead in your tracks and ask the question of the century: Who are you loyal to? Yourself? Your love? Or everypony else?!”

Rainbow jerked away from the statue. “I'm loyal to whatever's the right thing to do!”

“Pffft! Boy is that going to blow up in your face someday...”

“Lancie...”

“Seriously! Like... a big mushroom cloud of bitter irony and karma. I don't intend to stick around for the fallout.”

“Fine!” Rainbow grunted, then darted for the elevators. “Then don't bother following me!” She pressed all of the buttons, but none of the elevator cars were responding. “Darn it! All of the patrons are riding them to the first floor!”

“Sparky, aren't you jumping the gun a bit—?”

“Keep your guns and your amoral manurebaggery!” Rainbow frowned as she ran towards the nearest stairwell, opening the door. “If you can't appreciate being a hero once in a while, then we're better off being separated—”

Thud! The door to the stairwell slammed shut behind Rainbow Dash, surprising her as much as Lancie. She could hear the little statue calling out her name from beyond. She spun around... only to see a thug situated against the door, his face freshly bruised from the chaotic fight that had transpired just minutes ago.

“Going somewhere, Toots?” he grunted.

Before Rainbow could respond, she heard several hoofsteps above and below her. “End of the line, ya bimbo...”

“You've double-crossed us for the last time.”

“Either Don Canter collects his property, or he collects a pair of tiny colt heads.”

Rainbow's ears twitched to hear two muffled voices. Looking over her shoulder, she spotted Hans and the other Hans in the grip of the largest stallion of all. It was difficult to make the kidnapees out, for by this point she was virtually surrounded by thick and heavy bodies. It was the mother of all ambushes, and each individual stallion vastly dwarfed her petite figure. She couldn't get an exact headcount, but—between her cold sweat and her heavy heartbeat—she didn't bother to try.

“That was some fancy trick you pulled off in there,” a thug said, brandishing a glinting switchblade in the crook of his hoof. His voice echoed off the concrete walls of the claustrophobic stairwell. “I don't know how you got us all distracted... or what unicorn you paid off to cast a spell on us... but you're going to pay for it, ya hussy. You're gonna pay for it big time.”

“But first thing's first...” Another stallion shuffled closer, pulling a length of metal chain out from the inside of his suit. By now, the chamber had grown tight, hot, and stuffy. Every breath Rainbow breathed was full of musk and body sweat. She was completely surrounded by the stallions and their weapons. Any false move— “Any false move, and we skin them freaky kids of yours alive. So cough it up, Ms. Finish.”

“Cough it up?” Rainbow muttered.

“Yesiree..” One thug pointed at the heavy granite torso on her back, its stone talon sticking straight out. “Give us the shard, and we give you your colts back in two pieces instead of twenty.”

Rainbow clenched her jaw tight, holding her ground.

“What, are you deaf?!” A thug sneered, brandishing a metal club. “Give us the shard now, ya dumb broad!”

Rainbow glared back at them. Slowly, she produced a devilish smirk beneath her violet shades.

A few thugs exchanged confused glances.

One henchstallion spat, “The Hell are you smirkin' about, lady?”

“What if I were to tell you that, after today, you're never going to bother threatening the Finish family ever again?” She grinded a hoof against the stairwell floor. “Because you'll have realized how utterly lame and painful it is for you?”

The bound and gagged Hanzes looked nervously at one another.

“Hah!” One thug grinned. “You've got some stones, lady! Don't you realize how screwed you are?”

“I only realize one thing,” Rainbow said. “That you've stupidly locked yourselves up in a tight chamber with yours truly.” She hissed, “And I'll be darned if this doesn't give at least half of you the concussion of your friggin' lives...”

A few thugs exchanged awkward glances.

“Say... wait a second...” A thug leaned forward. “Where'd your stupid accent go?”

“I didn't have any to begin with,” Rainbow said. “Because, you see...” She raised a hoof to the side of her muzzle and whispered, “I'm not Photo Finish.” A split-second later, she yanked off her wig and flung it straight into a stallion's face.

“Gaaaah—!” He stumbled back.

WHUD! Rainbow bucked him hard in the chest. He literally flew down the stairwell and crashed somewhere behind the thug holding the Hanzes.

A thug rushed Rainbow from behind. She spun, detached her tail, and wrapped it three times around his neck. He dropped his weapon and sputtered for breath. Meanwhile, Rainbow squatted underneath him and hoisted his body over hers, so that he tumbled down the steps like a ragdoll.

Two more thugs lunged forward, one swinging a switchblade.

Rainbow side-stepped—but only barely. The one thug's knife ripped at her gown, tearing Photo's multicolored dress down the middle. Rainbow used the opportunity to shimmy out of it, twirl, and kick the fabric off her body.

One of the two thugs slipped on it, tumbling straight forward with a gasp.

Rainbow nimbly vaulted off his figure, sending him crashing skull-first into the wall behind her. She forward flipped across the narrow space, dodged the other thug's second knife swing, and landed hard on his tail. As he yelped in pain, she viciously flung an elbow into the back of his skull, twirled around, grabbed his waist, and suplexed him into the concrete. Thud!

The remaining thugs stood at a nervous distance above and below her, gawking.

“Grnnngh!” Rainbow kipped up, her violet shades cracked down the center. “You want the shard, ya smelly inside-out melon fudges?!” She spat, tossed the shades off, and hoisted the arm of the granite statue in her teeth. “Grfff—Come and get it!”

The thugs exchanged glances. Schiiing! They unsheathed their weapons and charged, converging on Rainbow's figure. “Raaaaaaaaaaaaugh!”

“Rghhhhh!” Rainbow spun, swinging the shard by its granite arm. In so doing, she pummeled each incoming henchstallion as if she was wielding a mace. Skulls clattered, teeth went flying, and body after body toppeled down the steep, steep stairwell. The vertical chamber echoed with the meaty sounds of panicked thugs receiving a merciless melee of divine punishment.

The stallion holding Gustav and Jaeger winced with every nasty impact he saw. Bodies piled up in front of him, groaning and stirring through barely conscious pain.

“Mfrrnnghh!” Meanwhile, Rainbow was uppercutting thugs with the shard, cracking their ribs, and knocking their knees out from under them. One spun a heavy length of chain at her. She slid across the floor in a crouch, kicked up, dodged another swing, planted her hooves against the wall, bounced off, and slammed him upside the head with a twirl of the shard. “Rrghhh!”

In less than a minute, there was only one thug left, the one gripping the Hanzes. Rainbow took one look at him, twirled about, and launched the shard like a thunder god's hammer.

“Yaaaaugh!”

The stallion whimpered. He dropped Jaeger and Gustav in an instant. WHUMP! He caught the shard in his chest—awkwardly. His heavy body teetered back over the edge of the nearest flight of steps. “Woah... wh-whoah—”

Rainbow dove straight at him while the Hanzes watched. She slammed into his body, shoving him down the steps. As he slid down, the petite pegasus straddled his torso and repeatedly punched his face in with merciless hooves. Whud! Thud! Wham! Thack! Crack! By the time she rid him down to the next stairwell platform, he was an unconscious, bleeding mess.

Rainbow panted, panted, panted, and hopped up on flapping wings. “Boo-ya-ka-shaaa!” She tossed her mane with a whistling sound. “Celestia on a moped! Best I've felt all friggin' week!” As her breaths calmed, she glared up the stairwell.

The largest and most vocal of the thugs was struggling to get up, coughing up blood.

Rainbow snatched the shard in her teeth and trotted towards him, dragging the heavy granite “club” up the steps.

The Hanzes watched, gawking, turning as she trotted past them.

The thug finally got to his hooves, teetering dizzily. WHAP! He felt himself shoved back onto his haunches by a blue hoof. He looked up and gasped.

Rainbow Dash was wielding the club murderously high over her head. “Rrgggghhh—Yaaaaaaaugh!” She slammed the shard straight down.

THUDDD!

The thug winced—but his skull was still intact. He glanced aside in a cold sweat, seeing the heavy end of the shard having landed against the floor just an inch away from his right ear. The impact was intense enough to send fresh cracks rivering through the concrete.

Less-than-a-second later, Rainbow lifted him up by his collar and spat into his face. “Now you listen to me. This shard is mine!” Her eyes narrowed like blood saucers. “It's not yours. It's not Photo Finish's. It's mine and mine alone! It belonged to me before your sniveling Don Canter ever bothered auctioning for it on the black market, and it'll be mine long after he's a smelly box of glue rotting six feet under. It only fell into Photo Finish's hooves because I planned for it to go that way! Do you understand?! She's got nothing to do with this—she never has! It was all a front... a front for me to get what I owned from the start!”

“Who... wh-who are you...?!” the thug stammered with a slight trickling sound.

Rainbow chose to ignore the sudden pungent odor of urine. “Who am I?” She grinned devilishly. “The name's Firefly. Madame Firefly. And my kingdom's been holding a place in its museum for this for years. If you want it back... then set course for Awesometopia and don't look back. But I'm warning you. Swinging a club or a switchblade at me is fine. But if you so much as breathe on the Finish family again? I will make you eat your skin and crap out your body hair, do you understand me?!”

The thug shivered and shivered.

“I said...” Rainbow hoisted the shard up once more. “Do you understand me?!”

“Yes... yes...” The thug whimpered. “We won't c-come anywhere near this apartment again! I swear!”

“Send a message to Don Canter,” Rainbow grunted. “If he wants to settle a score, I'll be waiting for him...” She grinned. “Far... far away in Awesometopia. Don't know where it is? Pfft... grab a map. But you'd better bring a damn army, because then it might even the odds against me.” She trotted up the stairwell, tugging the two nervous colts along with her. “Come on, kids. Let's bouncen sie...”

The thug watched them shuffled out of sight and enter a hallway above. Then, as his eyes rolled up in his head, he collapsed and fell unconscious.

Nailed It

The stairwell door was kicked open from the inside.

Lancie spun with a frown, lifting his talon to speak. His granite eyes bulged, and he quickly dove to the side and out of view.

“I'm sorry those guys had to interrupt your sleep like that, kiddos,” Rainbow Dash said, balancing the heavy shard on her backside as she led Gustav and Jaeger safely into the hallway. “But, I promise you, they won't be bothering you again.”

“Nein! Not after ze vay you strottled zem vith your fightink magiks!” one chirped.

“Are you mutter's new bodyguard?” asked the other. “Ze vay zat you dealt vith ze kriminals is vonderbar!”

“Yeah, well, I don't wanna hear about you two trying to impersonate me at your school!” Rainbow Dash shook a motherly hoof. “A pony like me only learns that kind of stuff by dropping out of school. And thought it may look awesome on the outside—believe you me—it ain't exactly the most fun life to live.”

“But you are lifing vis us, are you not, Madame Firefly?”

“Ja! You are mutter's uber shpecial friend!”

“Hate to break it to ya kids, but I'm not exactly sticking around.”

“You are not?” The eyes of a Hanz glistened. “But vhy?”

“Our mutter feels so happy vis you around!”

“Please don't leafe us, Madame Firefly!”

“Ve promise not to be kidnapped by ugly idiots in ze future!”

“It's not that simple, dudes,” Rainbow said with a sigh. “I enjoyed the time I spent with your Mom. Really I did. But while her home is here in Manehattan with you guys, mine is abroad... doing crazy things for crazy reasons. There's no art in that, only insanity.”

Meanwhile, at the far end of the hall, a lone figure limped out of Photo Finish's apartment. Romulus rubbed his ruffled head, groaning from several bruises suffered across his body. His hawkeyes squinted, finally catching sight of Rainbow Dash.

He gasped, and his vision narrowed on the heavy shard balanced upon the pony's shoulders. Slowy, a hideous scowl spread across the griffon's face. His beak clicked as he reached into his tattered garment and pulled out a long, jagged dagger.

His wings spread and he prepared to glide across the hallway and eliminate the pegasus in one move.

WHAM! A pith helmet collided against the back of his skull.

Romulus' eyes rolled back. With a groan, the griffon fell to the floor, limp like a freshly cooked turkey. Within seconds, he was being dragged off into a janitorial closet where he was stuffed in and sealed away.

As the door closed, a tan mare trotted back into the hallway, dusting her hooves off. A.K. Yearling glanced down the corridor while she removed her thick glasses. Her ruby eyes lingered on Rainbow Dash, then on the shard that she was carrying. As her gaze fell on Rainbow again, the pegasus smirked. She slapped the pith helmet over her head, chuckled, and darted off for a nearby stairwell, making a heroic exit.

“Zen vat do ve do now?” Gustav pouted. “Life vill be so unexcitink visout you!”

“I really doubt that,” Rainbow said with a smirk. “So long as your mom's around, nothing will be boring.”

Jaeger sniffed and hung his head. “Zat is just it... she von't be around much longer.”

Rainbow's lips pursed.

Gustav leaned against Jaeger as he murmured, “Ve know all about it. Ve don't know vhy mutter tries to hide it so much. Maybe it's because she lofes us.”

“Look, kiddos...” Rainbow leaned in and tilted the chin-up of one colt after another. “She does love you. I know it. And... for what it's worth, things are going to get better.”

“How do you know zat, Fraulein?”

Rainbow stared, mouth agape. At last, she dryly murmured, “You're just going t-to have to trust me.” She gulped. “Okay?”

The colts simply gazed at her.

“Now... go back and give her a big 'Allo,'” Rainbow said with a hopeful smile. “She's in the secret room, fighting a hangover—most likely.”

“Ja. Mutter has at least five of zose efery week!”

“Heh... well, something tells me there's gonna be less of them in the future.” Rainbow pushed them towards the apartment and began galloping off. “And if she asks where I went... well...” A living statue stealthily jumped in and clung to one of her moving legs. “...tell her that a mare from Awesometopia has always gotta be on the move! But she'll have no more luck finding me than any of Don Canter's goons! And that's all for the best!”

The Hanzes waved as she sped off, then turned and headed briskly for the apartment entrance.

At the base of the towering apartments, just outside the lobby, a large crowd had gathered in the street. Frazzled ponies in torn suits and dresses congregated across the sidewalk. A traffic jam of coaches and wagons had formed, made all the more congested by the arrival of police chariots with flashing lights. Manehattan's finest shuffled through the group, attempting to straighten the crowd into single file while questioning every pony they could.

“I'm telling you, officers, we need an engineering team upstairs!” Filthy Rich exclaimed. “Some horrible gas leak infected our lungs and made everypony run amok! I've never experienced anything like it! And I live in Ponyville!”

“There were some unsavory characters attending the party,” Fancy Pants said to another officer. “Part of the local riff-raff, I suspect. Odds are they were likely involved in the harrowing events that unfolded so dramatically.”

“Could you send some ponies up there to check on Photo Finish?” Coco Pommel asked, shivering in the night air. “Uhm... I-I couldn't help but notice that neither she or her foals are down here. They must still be in the apartment.”

“We'll get right on it, ma'am,” one cop said in a thick Manehattan accent. “Hey! Silver Star! Grey Steed! Let's get a move on!”

As several cops galloped into the lobby, Coco stood alone, hugging herself. Suddenly, she felt a warm towel wrapped around her petite figure from behind.

“You poor thing!” Sapphire Shores next patted the mare's shoulder. “You look like you just fell off an ice berg!”

“Mmmm... I-I've always had something of a low blood temperature.”

“That was some scary stuff upstairs, huh?” Sapphire remarked. “I hope nopony you knew was hurt.”

“Oh...” Coco shrugged, staring across the street at where two inebriated ponies sat side by side. “Nopony's hurt, I'm sure.” She gulped. “Employed? Well... that may be a d-different story, after tonight.”

“No kiddin'?” Sapphire tapped her chin in thought. She smirked. “You know, sugar, you've got a voice like milk and honey! You ever thought about going into the singing business?”

Coco giggled lightly. “Oh please. All I'm ever good for is fetching doughnuts and sewing dresses.”

“You don't say?!” Sapphire grinned. “I happen to be in need of both of those things!” She nudged Coco with her elbow, winking. “Though my agent tells me that the doughnuts could kill my career.”

“Heeheehee... don't I know it...”

“How about this! You fix my gowns and fetch my danishes for a week or two, and I let you swing by a studio so we can let you show off that voice of yours. I promise you that it'll be electrifying! Ow!”

“Uhhhhh...” Coco stared across the way at Suri. Eventually she sighed, her ears folded. “Now how can I say 'no,' to something like that?”

“No way in Tartarus, girl! Mmm-mmm!”

Coco smiled, clutching the towel to herself with a rosy smile.

Across the street, Suri teetered from where she sat. “And... HIC... it's like everywhere I go and with everything I do, I fail miserably!” She shrugged. “So what if I'm a horribly self-conscious cheapscape who plagiarizes everypony around her in order to get noticed?”

“Please...” Trenderhoof peeled the last of several sweat-stained plates of armor off his figure. “You just described my writing career in a nutshell.”

“Oh... don't be so—HIC—down on yourself, handsome! At least you've got hundreds of young mares fawning at your hooves!”

“Eh... more like three or five...” Trenderhoof's bleary eyes twitched. “I can't seem to stay steady with a mare for more than—HIC—five minutes.”

“That's because—HIC—you're never relaxing!” She pressed a hoof to his chest. “You need to beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee yourself! HIC! No more pretending! Just peace and love and all that molasses!”

“But what if ponies hate what I have to give?”

“So what?” Suri smiled intoxicatedly. “Would you rather trot through life alone? If only you knew what it was like to—HIC—wake up every morning, knowing that the only pony you can relate to is the one you sigh at in the mirror.” She looked down at her fidgeting hooves. “Makes you wonder if any other pony could feel that way... and wh-what it would be like to help each other through the stupid mess that is life...”

Trenderhoof's pupils shrank. He slowly turned and looked at her.

In the flickering lights from the police wagons, Suri's eyelashes glistened, along with her silky mane.

A dumb smile spread across the stallion's muzzle as his cheeks turned rosy. “You know...” He rested his chin against a hoof. “...I've always admired the strong work ethic of earth ponies.”

“Oh realllllllly...?” Suri smiled at him, eyelashes fluttering. “Tell me—HIC—more...”

High above the bustling scene, Rainbow Dash perched atop a window ledge. She sat with folded wings, the chaos shard situated right next to her. She took one long, deep breath, her eyes vacant, distant.

Meanwhile, Lancie rambled, “Well, if you ask me, this was a beautiful night. It had the sexiest bullet points in all the right places. Ponies trampling over each other... a mind-bending art piece... thugs getting their flanks hoofed to them inside a stairwell..” He grinned. “And you thought there would be no headbutting!”

Rainbow was dead silent.

“And—live and grin, Sparky! Nopony died! At least, not right away.” He gestured at the shard. “And we got what we came for! Look at it! My torso and my arm! That's totally a two-for! Now that's something to go home and drink about, huh?”

Rainbow bit her lip.

“Maaaaaaaaybe something you can drink about with Lady Y'all Y'all!” He leaned in, elbowing her side with a smirk. “Right after I snap my finger and turn her farm into a three story cider processing plant! Huh?! I mean, with two shards, I could just about do it!”

The pegasus closed her eyes, sighing out her nostrils.

Lancie blinked. He instantly grimaced. “Oh no...” He leaned back, nearly falling off the window ledge. “Ohhhhhhh no no no no no...” He pointed with a frown. “I know that face.”

She reopened her eyes and gazed dully at him.

“That's the 'I'm too good for my own wants and desires and I'm just seconds away from wasting an entire cataclysmic adventure on stupid harmony' face! Well no go!” He jabbed his talon into her fuzzy chest and snarled. “Tough love, Sparky! Believe it or not, I'm starting to grow rather fond of ya! Making you miserable is my job, not your own!”

“I've been doing it long before you ever hopped into my life, Lancie,” Rainbow muttered.

“Like I care! Like you should care! Like anypony inexplicably reading your mundane life story could possibly care!” He waved his arms and cackled, “Live in the moment, girl! Reap what you've sowed! Get a grip on what makes you sigh with warm fuzzies before it's no longer there to be warm fuzzified!”

“Lancie, she's dying... now harder than ever.” Rainbow gulped. “I got what I wanted, sure, but at what cost? Her apartment destroyed? Her family threatened and traumatized? Her final masterpiece shattered to bits at the bottom of a stairwell?”

“Sparky, she's a background pony!” Lancie barked. “You know what a background pony is?” He hissed, “Trick question! Why? Because they're forgettable, that's why! She was doomed from the start, whether you entered her life or not! Just let her dwindle back into the obscurity from which she came and—”

“Would that be fair to her? Would that be fair to her kids?”

Lancie gawked at her... then gawked some more. At last, his stone body slumped, and he performed the mother of all face-paws. Finally, there was a long, lingering sigh. He muttered without looking up, “What is it you want me to do...?”

“That depends,” Rainbow Dash muttered back. “How much can you do?”

“Mmmf... with two shards?” He shrugged. “Enough.”

“Is that a good enough or a bad enough?”

“Let's let the jury decide, huh?” Lancie firmly snapped his stone talons. A sudden wind blew past the two. “Because it's already done.”

“Nnnngh...” Photo Finish stumbled out of the panic room, stumbling left and right around piles of debris and scattered party favors. “Mrmmmfff... Ach je! Meine head!”

“Mutter! Mutter!” The first of two Hanzes galloped up and nuzzled her forelimbs. “You're avake!”

“You vill nefer guess vat happened, mutter!”

“Mrmmff... from ze feel of it, ze whole vorld just kollapsed on Photo Finish's head...”

“Fraulein Firefly just safed us from a bunch of terrible goons!”

“Vat?!” Photo Finish gasped, drawing both colts close. “Don Canter's stallions?!” She snarled, teeth barred. “Vere are zey?!”

“Nein, mutter! Zey are gone! Fraulein Firefly turned zeir teese into oatmeal!”

“Ja! And zen she left!”

“She left...?” Photo sighed, her body slumping. “It's just as vell.” She gulped. “Eferypony else in meine life leafes Photo Finish.” She gave a bittersweet smile and leaned down to nuzzle the two. “Except for you, meine wonderbar Hanzes...”

“Mutter?” One blinked. “How did you get your wig back?”

“Ja! Last time ve saw it, Fraulein Firefly vas vearink it!”

“She vas?” Photo blinked. “Vell, zat's silly, because I've got it right here—” She tugged on her bangs, only to wince. “Ow!” Her eyes widened. “Vas...?” She pulled and tugged and yanked. Her mane stayed in place. “It feels... I-I feel...”

“Mutter...?”

Photo turned and glanced at her tail. She wiggled it with the greatest of ease. An explosive giggle flew out of a crooked smile. She hopped in place... then hopped and hopped again. “Liebe Güte! Kan it be?!”

“Mutter, vat is happenink?”

“I kan't beliefe it! I just kan't...” She galloped up to an overturned platter of silverware, staring at her reflection. Staring back was a healthy mare with full cheeks and a firm body and absolutely no scars or lesions whatsoever. “Mmmmm!” She clamped a pair of forelimbs over her muzzle, shivering. “Blessed Celestia... Photo Finish is kured! She is healsy as ze day she vas foaled!” Tears welled up in her eyes as she smiled blissfully. “A miracle, Fraulein Firefly... like doves released from a hoof. All zese years of art magiks, and so... so many more to be kaptured...”

“Weeee! Mutter is healsy!”

“Mutter is healsy again!”

“Ja! Zat she is!” Photo spun around and dove at her children. “Fallen sie into meine arms! Mmmmmff!” She nuzzled and kissed them both as they giggled in her embrace. “I, Photo Finish, promise meine Hanzes zat ve vill nefer be sick again!”

“Heeheehee!”

“Mutter, you're so happy!”

“Ja... because of an angel! Photo Finish knows it! A schon angel!” She held both colts close and sobbed. “Mmmmm... Danke... Vielen Dank!” Her teary eyes stared up at the ceiling. “Mein schöner Engel....”

Across the apartment, far away from the family huddle, a pony hovered outside the window. She gazed in, bearing a bittersweet smile. Then—flapping her wings extra hard to compensate for the shard's weight—Rainbow Dash tore towards the skies and flew in a southwestern path, straight for home.

A Dash, External to Machina(?)

Rainbow Dash flew southwest over rolling green hills and rivers glittering with trace starlight. Her naked eyes squinted against the wind as her body angled itself into a lazy glide. Layers of exhaustion clung to the pegasus' skin, and she took her sweet time with the upper air currents.

In the meantime, a certain statue clinging to another statue sat on her shoulders. Lancie leaned forward, peering down into her eyes.

“Hey, Sparky.”

“Hmm?”

“You know that spell I did for Miss Finish back there?”

“Mmmhmm?”

“Well, suppose we find another shard soon.”

“Mmmhmm...”

“Or, better yet, suppose we find two of them just like we did now.”

“Mmmhmm...”

Lancie toyed with his stone goatee, smirking. “Who's to say that I can't perform a similar spell on you?”

Rainbow Dash's jaws were clenched.

“You have to admit...” He examined his talons with a grin. “It'd make snuggling up to certain freckled pillow a lot easier.”

Rainbow's eyes darted off course. A slight shiver ran through her bodies.

“Don't you agree?”

Rainbow fidgeted in midair. Her wings twitched, then became still once again. At last, she opened her muzzle.

“We'll see...”

“That's it?” Lancie blinked. “Just... 'we'll see?'”

“Mmmhmmm...”

“You're not gonna do backflips and whoop and holler at how brilliant an idea that is?”

“MmmMmm...”

“... ... ...you're about ten seconds from dropping me hundreds of feet into a ravine, aren't you?”

“Mmmhmm.”

“Fine... fine...” He leaned back on her flank and closed his eyes to the early-morning sky. “Just wake me up when we're on the other side of a slice-of-life arc.”

Rainbow's lips curved slightly. She curled her wings and dove towards a lower altitude. The morning sun rose, warming her tail and left wing feathers. When she yawned, it was dissolved in the golden crest of a new day being born.

The Legion of Anti-Dash

WHAM! A hairy paw slammed onto a table beneath a spotlight inside a dark room.

“Mangy hound?!” Top Dog snarled, accompanied by two other surly canines brandishing spears. The diamond dog's other arm was slung in a cast, and his body still sported over a dozen heavy bruises. “I paid good money to be here, ya stupid hay-stuffer!”

“Watch your tone with the Don!” a suited stallion snarled from the far side of the table. “He's only entertaining you mutts because we have a common interest! So stick your tail between your legs and shut up!”

Schiiing! Top Dog unsheathed a large blade. “I'm not the only creature with a tail that can be removed and shoved somewhere else, pal!”

“You wanna make something of it?!”

The room filled with angry noise and commotion from every stranger around the table. Hooves clopped in frustration while diamond dogs snarled. On one edge of the table, a glass jar contained a flickering Baslisk eye marinating in bubbling green liquid. The pupil spun around, its container rattling in consternation.

“Quiet, everypony... quiet!” a wheezing voice snarled. Everyone settled down while an old, obese stallion leaned towards the table with thin eyes. “Everypony's capable of making mistakes, but rampant stupidity is completely inexcusable.” He adjusted his silk suit and waved a hoof for emphasis. “Take my organization, for example. We're usually very careful and calculated in every business decision that we make. However, in this day and age of returning lunar princesses and mares farting rainbows, it's very easy to be distracted. That's the only reason why we made the mistake of thinking that this Photo Finish dame was the one responsible for taking what belonged to me, Don Canter, when in fact it was this... third party pegasus, solely and exclusively.”

“I know!” Top Dog snarled. “She and some rampaging minotaur destroyed the Big Bitchin' Bitch!” He punched the table again. “I want her dead! Don't you too?!”

“Shhhh... patience... patience my tail-wagging friend.” Don Canter rasped, “Killing her simply won't do. If she has your shards and mine, then it's simply a matter of finding out where she's collected them.”

The reptilian eye rattled in its jar, making a faint squeaking noise.

Don Canter struggled to not roll his eyes. “No... she wouldn't have put it in your old lair. Besides, that place is overflowing with bone-headed buffalo now.” He glanced at the others. “What we need to do is figure out where she lives and that way we can stage a delightful little welcoming party together. We invite all of her friends, family... everypony she'd love to see and would hate to see their guts hanging up over the ceiling fan, Capiche? Then when she's right in the corner where we want her, we get her to cough up what's ours. Everypony—and dog... andsquishy eye thing goes home happy.”

Ponies applauded. Dogs barked. The glowing jar hopped in place.

“Then where do we begin?!” Top Dog asked. “I'm down to my last pike-wielding puppy!”

“My stallions who failed in their latest business venture confessed the name of a place right before I sent them down the Haydson with cement horseshoes,” Don Canter wheezed. “A kingdom allegedly called 'Awesometopia.' Right now, as we share this table of community, friendship, and daggers, my more professional hitstallions are hitting up every embassy in Manehattan for info.”

“And they'll end up with a lot of manure!” screeched a voice from the shadows.

Everyone turned to look—then gasped as a thoroughly bruised pair of henchstallions were tossed like meatbags onto the table-top. Thud! The eye-in-a-jar fell on its side while the two thugs moaned.

Th-Thap! A set of talons and lion paws landed on the table's edge.

Top Dog and his fellow canines brandished their polearms. “Bark?!”

As the murmurs of surprise quieted down, Don Canter calmly cleared his throat and spoke. “What brings you to my table with two of my most trusted business associates so thoroughly bruised?”

“They were mince meat from the beginning,” Romulus hissed, his feathery body once again clad in full mercenary regalia. “I could easily have torn my way through this whole party if I wanted.”

“And instead, you came here with a purpose.” Don Canter pointed. “A creature of determination. I like that... even if I have to stare through a dumb pigeon's beak to see it.”

“Shut it, you Bitalian-Equestrian fatso!” Romulus snarled. An angry thug galloped up to his side, but the griffon had an arm-mounted crossbow with a razor-sharp barb aimed at his gullet in under a second. Glaring at him and the others around the table, the bounty hunter spoke on: “Believe it or not, I'm at my wit's end too. There are several employers who need me to gather the shards. If we work together, we might just be able to do that before the likes of Aatxe and his brood gather them all up!”

“Oh yeah?” Top Dog squinted. “And just what's in it for us? We need the shards too!”

“You'll forget about the shards once my employer pays each and every one of you with enough gold to buy out the Canterlot Treasury ten times over...” Romulus' hawkeyes narrowed on the jar. “...or even a way out of Tartarus for all your brimstone buddies.”

The reptilian eye squeaked and blinked.

“Hrmmm...” Don Canter rubbed his cheek. “I'm listening.”

“First thing's first...” Romulus frowned. “There is no 'Awesometopia!' I've checked!”

The thugs and criminals gawked at one another, murmuring in shock.

“Second...” Romulus sneered. “... this pegasus... this supposed 'Madame Firefly'... she's been working with one of my former associates, a sarosian by the name of Noir.”

“You know a sarosian?” a thug asked. “And yet you're still breathing?”

“In case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm good at what I do.” Romulus turned towards the others. “And what I do is hunt ponies down. You want to bag this mare? Fine. We'll do it.” He hissed as he retracted the crossbow. “But we'll do it my way. And we'll start in Fillydelphia.”

==Part Eleven: Ends of the Rainbow==

==Part Eleven: Ends of the Rainbow==

“Hrmmmm...” Rainbow Dash nuzzled the hard wood with her fuzzy cheek, smiling deliriously through wave after wave of exhausted bliss. With every sniff, she inhaled cinnamon and walnuts, each with a sprinkling of sugar. “Glbmbbnghfff... snifflebumps... that hits the spot... heeee...”

There was a ringing noise.

Rainbow shot up in her seat, slapping a phone to her ear. “Moshi moshi!” Instantly, the “phone” disentegrated into a crumbly mess of sweet dough, sprinkles, and pink frosting. Rainbow's eyes opened to the bustling interior of Sugarcube Corner. The front door bell had just sounded, announcing a pair of ponies trotting in.

“Welcome to Sugarcube Corner!” Ms. Cake stepped up to the counter. She glanced out the corner of her eye, catching the exhausted Rainbow Dash. She struggled not to laugh. “H-how may I h-h-help you today?”

Rainbow Dash blinked, teetering in her seat. She looked down at the table top, spotting a messy spread of doughnut crumbs. In the tiny portion of unsoiled tabletop, she saw her reflection, along with the bakery bits clinging to her cheek and mane.

“Ohhhhhhhhhhh,” she moaned, fussing and stroking her mane.

“Whoopsies! Butterdashie!” Pinkie Pie giggled as she bounced up with a tray and napkin and began wiping the table clean. “That's the second doughnut you've wasted in a row! You know, there's no shame—or extra fee—in asking a server like me to hoof feed ya!”

“Nrnnngh... not funny, Pinkie.”

“If you're super duper tired, you can order some coffee!” Pinkie winked brightly. “That'll perk you right up! Mmmhmmm! Especially Carrot's special Equestrian Expresso!”

“No thanks,” Rainbow grumbled, still combing doughnut bits out of her mane. “Coffee is for neckfurs and eggheads.”

“I bet you'd look pretty snazzy in a fedora!”

“Please. I've had all I can stand of fashion for this month.”

“Really, though, Dashie!” Pinkie leaned forward with a bright smirk. “You won't even try energy drinks?”

“Nuh uh.”

“That's amazing!”

“Why should it be?” Rainbow frowned. “I'm naturally the fastest pony in all of Equestria! I don't...” She bit her lip, flexing a numb forelimb. “...don't n-need to drink stuff just to stay ahead of the game...”

“No harm in enjoying what life throws at you!” Pinkie hopped in place. “That's what Daddy always said to the girls and I!” She paused, her muzzle scrunching. “Then again, all he threw at us was rocks...” She began bouncing again. “But still, it was pretty inspirational! Heeheehee!”

“Nyuuup...” Rainbow yawned and leaned her chin on her hoof. “...this is going to be a lonnnnnng day.”

“Looks like what you need is a lonnnnnnnng night!”

“Mmmff... if only you knew, Pinkie Pie...”

“So... you're just super tired, huh?”

“And rain is wet. Way to go...”

“Whew!” Pinkie rolled her eyes and giggled. “For a second there, I was afraid you were the second pony to be in a huge funk this week, and then I would have to cheer you up! Oh well.” She grinned wide. “Want me to cheer you up anyways? I'm full of extra-extra cheer, lately!”

“Wait...” Rainbow blinked thinly. “What...?”

“That's like twice the extra cheer than normal! Ms. Cake likes to call it 'nutracheer!' But I don't agree, because I hate the idea of giving ponies headaches. Heeheehee!”

“Pinkie Pie...” Rainbow leaned forward. “Exactly who has 'been in a funk' this week?”

“Hmmm? Don't you know?”

“I... haven't exactly been around, lately.”

“Why? Have you been a flat?”

“Unnngh... Pinkiiiie!”

“Well, don't ask me, silly! It's not like I can read Sourapplejack's head!”

“Sour... Applejack...?”

“Pffft-Yeah! Silly pony's been a silly little grump all week! I have no idea why!”

Rainbow's blood ran cold. She swallowed a lump down her throat. “Is... is th-there trouble on the farm?”

“Hmmm? What was that, Dashie? Did you just squeak something?”

Rainbow Dash winced, realizing how thin her voice had become. “Ahem.” She leaned forward in her seat. “Is Applejack having problems with her farm?”

“I dunno. Why don't you ask her? If you can find the mare, that is. It's been awfully sunny, lately!”

“Uhhhh...”

“But, whatever!” Pinkie leaned in and nuzzled Rainbow cheek to cheek. “It's so nice to have you back, Dashiiiiie!” She giggled, leaning back. She felt clumps of doughnut frosting clinging to her cheek now. “Oooh! Nuzzle bonus!” She licked her face with a cartoonishly long tongue and trotted off with her tray, smiling. “Mmmmmmm... friendshiiiiiip.”

Rainbow Dash shuddered where she sat. “Yeah...” She stared down at her empty plate. “...magical...”

Part Eleven: Ends of the Rainbow
(Where Rainbow Finds Herself Having to Catch Up With... Herself)

Down Here On the Farm

Thwap!

Rainbow Dash touched down, breathless, along the grassy edges of Sweet Apple Acres. She squinted through the sunlight glistening off the nearby baskets of fruit.

“Looks like an early harvest,” she murmured to herself, then trotted forward on light hooves. “So... what's the problem?” She gulped and continued in a soft, feeble voice. “Did worms eat up half her crops? Are the vampire fruits back? Is... is...” Her pupils shrank as her blue coat went pale. “...is there a death in the family?”

Rainbow's eyes instantly darted towards a lone rocker on the front porch. Nopony was sitting in it—especially no green, wrinkly nopony.

“Ohgosh... ohgosh...” Rainbow squeaked. “She was soooooooooo super old. It was just a matter of time, huh?! And here I've been flying all over the place trying to save the world from deadly chaos shards! Guh! Stupid world!” She sat on her haunches and repeatedly whapped her little head. “Idiot! Dumbflank! Freakabimbo! You should have been here for Applejack! You should have been here with her for when her grandmother—”

Rainbow heard hoofsteps. She gasped, swinging towards the barn. A sweaty equine figure was marching out, depositing baskets full of apples into a wagon.

“Applejack!” Rainbow Dash darted over. “I came as soon as I heard! Well—erm... I didn't hear much of anything, really... but I came anyway! What's going on! How can I help?!”

“Hrmmm? Help?” A stallion spun around. Bright green eyes blinked, followed by a bright, cheery smile. “H-hey! I know you! You're Rainbow Dash, right? AJ's friend?”

Rainbow Dash blinked... then blinked harder. “Uhhhhh...”

“Stu! Stu Leaves!” The stallion dropped a basket and held his hoof out. “Weather flier? Transferred from Cloudsdale?”

Rainbow Dash's eyes thinned. “Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...”

“Pffft... come on, silly!” He chuckled. “We met not long ago! At the Saddlehay Soiree, remember?”

“Sisterhooves social,” Applejack corrected, trotting around the wagon with three times as many baskets on her back. “Honestly, can't ya ever get it right, one time, Stu?”

“Eugh...” He rolled his eyes, chuckling. “So help me! I'm new around here!”

“Thankfully you're useful for yer wings, not so much as yer head.”

“Hardy har har.”

Applejack turned and smiled at the sight of her friend. “Howdy, Rainbow! What brings you around these parts on such a warm, sunny day!”

Rainbow blinked. “I... just... I felt like—”

“Oh AJ!” A frail voice chirped, followed by a front porch door opening and slapping shut. “Don't forget to drop off the irrigation equipment y'all borrowed from them Harvest ponies up the road! It was right neighborly of them to lend us the tools, and wouldn't be proper to hold 'em any longer! Ya hear?!”

“Darn tootin', Granny! I'll get right on that!”

“Uhm...” Rainbow spun and flashed a look at the porch.

A healthy and decidedly alive Granny Smith sat on her rocker, sipping from a glass of lemonade. She caught a glimpse of Rainbow and waved pleasantly.

“You look out of sorts, Rainbow!” Applejack said. “Seems like I haven't seen ya in ages! How are ya, darlin'?”

Rainbow's heart skipped a beat. She spun about and stammered, “I've been... around.” She blinked. “You look really friggin' happy.”

“Heh!” Applejack half-guffawed. “And why shouldn't I be? The farm's doin' well and there ain't no cloud in the sky! Couldn't have asked Celestia for a better day even if she were to carve it herself!”

“You can say that again!” Stu Leaves exclaimed.

“Now now, Stu, nopony likes an echo.”

“Erm... r-right...” He bit his lip with drooping wings. “Sorry...”

Applejack chuckled for a good straight five seconds. “Honestly, Stu, don't ya go all Fluttershy on us. My brother's liable to start chasin' after ya!”

“Hahah... that's funny.” Stu smiled, blinked, then cleared his throat. “Uhm... you are joking, r-right?”

Rainbow Dash hovered in place. “Applejack, who is—?”

“You mean to tell me ya don't recognize Stu Leaves?” Applejack said, trotting around the wagon. “Ponyville's newest weather flier?”

“I... uh... I-I can't say that I do...”

“I was trying to tell her that we met at the Summerhorse Seminar,” Stu said.

“Sisterhooves Social! Heavens to Betsy!” Applejack winked at Rainbow Dash. “They certainly don't teach much more than flight at flight school, do they, Rainbow?”

“I wouldn't know,” Rainbow droned. “I never finished.”

“Oh, you're a Cloudsdalian alright!” Stu Leaves said with a grin. “I can smell it off your feathers!”

“Down, boy,” Rainbow said with a frown. “Really, though, I've lived in Ponyville for several years.”

“Yeah, but you can never take the clouds out of your mane!” Stu chuckled and sighed. “Hoooo boy, am I finding that out the hard way.”

“Awwww... you've been doing alright in my book, Stu,” Applejack said. “Besides, yer doin' the right thang, what with lendin' a hoof here on the farm—”

“He's been helping out on the farm?!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“Well, sure!” Applejack smirked. “A real helpin' hoof, this here Stu. I'm surprised you two haven't run into each other in the skies!”

“Yeah!” Stu exclaimed. “All week on weather detail, I haven't seen you, Miss Dash!”

“Please, just call me Dash.”

“Dash. Everywhere I go, ponies talk about how awesome and amazing you are! Even above the rooftops of Ponyville with the other pegasi!” He chuckled. “If I hadn't seen you at the...” He looked nervously at Applejack. “...Sisterhooves Social...” He smiled back at Rainbow. “...I would have guessed you were just some crazy legend!”

“Heheheh!” Applejack chuckled. “He's learnin'!”

“I've been... uhm...” Rainbow Dash rubbed her forelimbs together. “Uhhh... how do I put this...”

“Rainbow Dash here has been a super busy pony as of late!” Applejack exclaimed, packing as many baskets of apples into the wagon as possible. “What, with all her deliveries and cross country flights n'all...”

“Oh! A delivery pony!” Stu smiled up at her. “Even more that we have in common! I work part-time at the local post office!”

“Uh huh...” Rainbow avoided his gaze, fidgeting. “...that's nice...”

“Boy, I tell you what. I never thought a small-town parcel service would be so exciting! Between that hilariously sweet pegasus with bubbles for cutie marks and all the random explosions that happen in this town, I can't get no end of excitement—”

“Welcome to Ponyville, Stu Leaves,” Applejack said in a low tone. “It only goes downhill from here.”

“Heh. That remains to be seen. How about I help you with drawing the wagon to the Harvests?”

“You've done enough today, Stu. We're all greatful, really.”

“Seriously! It's no sweat!”

“The day I can't draw my own wagon is the day I quit buckin' apples, and between you and Rainbow and me, I'd rather be shot dead than let that happen overnight!”

“Heh. Guess I won't be delivering any lead bullets anytime soon. But if you need more help getting the apples off these trees...” Stu wiped his brow and smirked. “Just give me a holler!”

“Sure thang, Stu. I might do that. Especially with Big Mac bein' all... how should I put this... super distracted as of late.” Applejack finished with a twangy guffaw.

“Heh... I won't ask questions,” Stu said with a smile.

“Good! Cuz I ain't givin' ya answers!”

“See you later, Applejack!” Stu waved. “Granny Smith!” He bowed towards the porch from long distance, then swiveled to smile at Rainbow. “Nice seeing you for once, Rainbow! Here's hoping we get to clear clouds together soon! I'd just love to learn some of the moves that make you crazy famous!”

“Jee, thanks...” Rainbow waved at him as he trotted off. “...you just might be crazy lucky.”

Stu Leaves hummed to himself as he left through the front gate of Sweet Apple Acres in a bouncy canter.

“Hmmm... he's got a heapin' helpin' of cheer,” Applejack said. “It almost makes up for what's missin' upstairs,” she said with a wink.

“Just... how long has he been... uh... helping out at the farm?”

“Oh, I dunno. A few days?” Applejack shrugged her way into the wagon's riggings. “I swear, this whole week has flown by.”

“Yeah, well—”

“And I hadn't gotten a single glance of you in all that time!” Applejack smirked. “Even Rarity made it out to the farm once or twice! But you? Where ya been, Rainbow?! Not gettin' in too much trouble, I hope!”

“Heh... heheheheh...” Rainbow avoided Applejack's glance as her cheeks flushed. “Ohhhhhhhh... you know me.”

“Reckon I don't, sugarcube,” Applejack said. “Especially not lately.”

“Yeah... erm...” Rainbow Dash bit her lip and fiddled with her hooves. “Well...”

“What finally brings you down to my farm all of the sudden?”

“I... uh... I h-heard that... that...”

“Hmmm?”

Rainbow Dash clenched her jaw. Finally, she summoned the strength to look at Applejack dead-on. “I heard through the grape vine that you were feeling down in the dumps.”

“Who? Me?” Applejack blinked. She snickered and slapped her knee as the wagon behind her rattled. “Y'all serious? Do I look like I'm missin' any sunshine to ya?”

“Uhhhhhhhh...”

“Whatever put that silly idea in yer head?”

“It's j-just that... Pinkie Pie said—”

“Lemme guess.” Applejack smirked. “The ol' 'Sourapplejack' bit.”

“Err... yeahhhhhhhhh.” Rainbow winced.

“Listen, sugarcube. Pinkie Pie says thangs all of the time. Rarity says thangs all of the time. She may not even admit it, but even our dear ol' Fluttershy says thangs all of the time. Twilight would say thangs, if only the sweet gal wasn't so busy believin' all the nonsense from the other ponies! Heheheh... but unless I'm hearin' the truth from the horse's mouth—so to speak—t'ain't no sense in takin' stock in whatever's miserable or dramatic-like, ya feel me?”

“Yeah... sure...” Rainbow Dash exhaled, her ears folded back over a smiling expression. “I feel you...”

“Besides...” Applejack smirked knowingly. “You ain't got time for feelin' miserable as of late. Am I right, Rainbow?”

“Uhm...” Rainbow Dash squinted. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“Whoops! Uhm...” Applejack chuckled lightly, adjusting the brim of her hat. “Nothin', I-I reckon! Time to... uh...” She started pulling the wagon. “...give back the Harvests' tools and drop these apples off in Ponyville! I'd love to chat, darlin', but there's work to be done!”

“Yeah. You and me both.”

“Ain't it the truth!” Applejack waved as she carried the wagon over the nearby hill. “See ya, Rainbow Dash! We and the girls oughta hang out together again soon!”

“Right... brilliant idea...”

“Darn tootin'!” And the bright orange shape was gone, along with her bright orange voice.

Rainbow sighed the heaviest she had all day. She hugged herself in midair, staring down at the scattered empty baskets by where the wagon had previously been parked.

“Why do I feel like a stranger in my own hometown...?”

“Hey, there, speedy!” Granny Smith warbled from the porch below. “If yer gonna be flyin' up there anyways, ya mind wranglin' in a little bit of rain to help the southwest fields?”

Rainbow exhaled through her nostrils. She pivoted and gave Granny a calm, quiet smile. “Hey... no problem. I'll knock it out on a jiff.”

“There's a good girl! I'll give ya a whole pitcher of lemonade!”

“Thanks. But no thanks.” Rainbow shot up into the air, sweeping the sky for errant rain clouds to gather. “I've had all I can take of sour stuff this week...”

Happy Thoughts

“So, let me get this straight...” Lancie sat on the edge of Rainbow's dresser, his face awash with confusion. “You didn't tell her?!”

“Mmm?” Rainbow looked up from where she lazily draped over the bedside, legs dangling.

Lancie waved his stone arms wildly in the dim light. “Y'know! About the cider mill gig in Fillyda and all that crap!”

“Mmm...” Rainbow's eyes darted towards the floor. “No. I didn't.”

“Pfft... well!” Lancie folded his arms as he leaned back against a mirror. “I figured it was the one friggin' freckle-flavored thing we got out of Manehattan!” He smirked. “Don't get me wrong, Sparky, I enjoy a good round of bedlam and calamity, but I still keep an eye out for you. And you know what I see?”

“Mmm?”

“Somepony who likes throwing her own self under the bus! Constantly! I mean... Tartarus!” He stood up and paced back and forth atop the dresser as if it was a miniature stage. “For a pony who seems so intent on 'winning,' you sure do like plopping yourself on the loser's bench time after time!”

“Mmm...” Rainbow Dash sighed, hugging a clump of blankets closer. “It's not that simple...”

“Pfft! Oh, isn't it?” He stood with his paw and talon on his granite hips. “Care to tell me why you didn't drop word about the offer Frilly Pantaloons made?”

“Fancy Pants.”

“Just answer the question!”

“I... I-I guess I was distracted.”

“By what?!” Lancie flapped his arms. “Was the farm having a manure sculpture contest or something?!”

“Lancie, you just don't understand,” Rainbow sighed. “When you're me.. and you touch down on that hot, sun-swept farm... and you smell the tangy sweetness of apples in the air.” Her ruby eyes stared past her blankets, turning more and more glazed. “And you hear her voice—so much sweeter and melodic—like little explosions in the sky.” She gulped. “And you see her bright face like a second sun, her strong legs that hold the earth in place, her green-green eyes that are richer than life itself...”

Silence.

“Mmm...” Rainbow held the blankets tighter, nuzzling the soft fabric with a contented smile. “...and you think of all the times you've cuddled with her, giggled with her, and even grown old with her—even if they're all j-just in your head.” She gulped a heavy lump down her throat, then sighed. “You realize that you've felt like winning all this time, and you know... deep down in your rapidly beating heart you know... that one false move will bring reality crashing down on you. Then will I finally be the loser...”

Lancie avoided her gaze, staring into the shadows.

“I'm going to tell her,” Rainbow said in a dull voice. She rolled over and stared up at the dark ceiling. “About the Fillyda thing, I mean. I'm not going to... I-I mean I can't...”

“Why not, Sparky?” Lancie asked in a quiet tone. “Could you at least tell me that?”

“Mmmf. What's it to you? You and I both know I'm trying to help her with all this 'shard-chasing' nonsense.”

“Stop changing the subject.”

Rainbow sighed. “Because I don't want this to end.”

“What?” Lancie shrugged. “All of the self-deprecation and loneliness and weeks upon weeks of punishing yourself with some stupid soap opera secret?!”

“No...” Rainbow shook her head. “Beneath all of that... in here.” She gripped her skull, then her chest. “And in here.” She sighed heavily. “...we are both as I've always dreamed us to be. And the moment I finally breach that... I know... I just know I will lose the only piece of her I could ever hope to hold close.” Something glittered at the end of Rainbow's lashes.

Lancie looked on.

Rainbow blinked, and the glitter was gone. At last, she droned, “You know where the next shard is by now, don't you?”

“Yup,” he said. “I've known since we left Manehattan.” He pointed. “Due northwest.”

“Is it far?”

“Pretty dang far. Though I doubt that matters.” He folded his arms with a smug grin. “Because something tells me that Miss Emo Queen here is going to drag her hooves for several days of downhome nonchalance and ennui.”

“Meh,” Rainbow meh'd. “Am I that predictable?”

“I can read you like a book, Sparky.”

“In that case...” Rainbow grunted as she finally sat up in bed. “I hope it's scratch'n'sniff.”

“You know...” Lancie hopped down from the dresser and walked towards her. “Let's pretend that this just one giant wild goose chase—a bittersweet extension of your adorably pathetic life.”

“Do I even wanna hear where this is going...?”

“Let's say... that you never win yourself a basket of freckles like you so desire.” He leaned against the bedpost. “We can still find a way to make this work out for you, at least, Sparky.”

“In what way?”

“I'm talking about what we managed to do for Photo Finish with a shard-and-a-half.” His granite eyes narrowed. “And what that very same thing could mean for you.”

Rainbow sat in dead silence, gazing across the shadows.

“Even if you live life a loser, at least you can be a healthy one. Ya dig?”

Rainbow bit her lip. “I... I don't know...”

“You don't know?!”

“Mmm... you heard me.”

“Sparky, how could you possibly give an opportunity like this up?!”

“I dunno...”

“Pretend you do know for once!”

She shrugged limply. “It just... k-kinda feels like cheating to me.”

“Are you friggin' serious?!”

“More than you are.”

“For the first time in millennia, I'm apt to disagree!” He scurried up the bedpost like a lizard and stared her at eye-level. “Sparky, I've seen you in action! Whatever we get knocked out with these shards, you totally and unconditionally earn them! How's it cheating to earn yourself some healthy limbs?”

“I can use them to make Applejack's life better.”

“Sparky, you can win yourself a longer life!” Lancie's eyes brightened above an even brighter grin. “That means several fuzzy pony years of doing fuzzy pony things to make Applejack's life even better! It doesn't take a math wizard to figure that out!”

“I... I...”

“Well?”

Rainbow shuddered, her wings drooped. “I'll think about it...”

“Oh, come on!”

Rainbow hopped off the bed. “I gotta go.”

“And do what, pray tell?!”

Rainbow frowned back. “Something I'm sorely behind on doing!”

“You've got the shower for that, Sparky!”

“Something else! Goddess!” The door slammed behind her.

“Heh... I swear...” Lancie reclined on the bedpost and crossed his arms behind his smiling face. “The world would absolutely implode if she got laid.”

Slice of Dash

“I've got to say, Rainbow Dash, it's so nice having you around for company!” Twilight said as she trotted gaily across the library with a floating bunch of books. “I mean... heehee... I'm surprised you've stuck around for as long as you have! Erm... pl-pleasantly surprised, of course. All we're doing today is rearranging the Paleo Equestrian History section!”

“Hey, it's no problem, trust me,” Rainbow said with a smile. She grabbed a stack of books from Spike and hovered up to an empty shelf, laying them side by side as they were given to her. “I'm just sorry I haven't been lending a hoof much lately.”

“It's quite alright, Rainbow!” Twilight said. “We all know you've been... erm... busy lately.”

“Snrkkk...” Spike suddenly snickered, his cheeks turning red as he fought the urge to outright cackle.

Rainbow squinted down. “What's so friggin' hilarious?”

“Nothing! Just, you've been realllllly busy lately!” Spike said. “Getting down to business, I bet—”

Whap! An encyclopedia ricocheted off his head. “Spiiiiike...” Twilight hissed. “We talked about this!”

Rainbow blinked. “Talked about what?”

“Oh... uhm...” Twilight looked up with a nervous smile. “Nothing!”

“Uh huh...” Rainbow dipped down, picked up another stack of books, and carried the heavy tomes to another shelf. “If I didn't know better, I'd say you were distracted.”

“Well, I could say the same about you!” Twilight said while Spike waddled off, rubbing his head. “If you don't mind my saying so, Rainbow Dash, but you look kind of exhausted.”

“Hmmmf... yeah, well...” Rainbow Dash finished piling on the last layer of books. She winced, flexing her forelimbs. “I-I've had a pretty clutter itinerary as of late.”

“Would you like some help with that?”

“Huh?”

“Not to brag, I'm pretty good at making organized schedules,” Twilight said with a slight blush. “I know you like to live fast and think later, but perhaps if you gave me a list of the things you have to tackle throughout the week, I can help you simplify the order in which you do them!”

“That's pretty swell of you to offer, Twilight, but I think I'm going to have to pass.”

“Why?” Twilight smiled. “I promise you, it'll be simple!”

“It's just that... the stuff I'm doing is for me and me alone. As a friend, I'm sure you can understand.”

“But of course, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said sweetly. “Even still, the offer stands.”

“Sounds like somepony's got something to hide,” Spike said with a snicker.

Twilight hissed across the library at him.

Rainbow blinked. “Is... there something I'm supposed to know about?”

“What?” Twilight glared at Spike with folded ears. “That my number one assistant is a number one numbskull?”

“I can't help but feel like everypony's been acting weird since I came back from—uhhhh—my latest delivery.” Rainbow gulped. “Pinkie Pie seemed extra-extra bouncy around me. And th-then Applejack seemed a little bit off. I can't quite put my hoof on it. I mean, she seemed happy and—”

“Really?” Twilight blinked.

Rainbow stared down at her from where she hovered. “Is that a surprise to you?”

“Oh! Uhm... it's just that...” Twilight rubbed her scalp. “I-I heard that she was feeling a bit down lately. Honestly, I was going to go and visit her tomorrow, but now that you tell me that she's doing well—”

There was a loud knock at the door.

“Spike? Could you get that?”

“Already there.” Spike swung the door open. “Oh, hey, Pinkie Pie!”

“Cupcakes! Cupcakes!” Pinkie bounced—and so did the tell-tale tray on her blank. “I've got cupcakes!”

“Just what the doctor ordered!” Twilight smiled. “Come on in, Pinkie Pie! Lay them on the table there.”

“You mean the only spot in this whole room that isn't slathered all over in books?” Pinkie giggle-snorted.

“Pinkie...” Twilight rolled her eyes. “We're not slathering books. We're carefully compartmentalizing them into groups based on historical category before lifting them back onto the shelves in order to more properly—”

“Hey, while you're slathering your library with books, what frosting would you like to slather your face with?!”

Twilight sighed long and hard. “The blue frosting.” Pinkie slid the cupcake in question over. “Thank you.”

“Welcome welcome!” Pinkie turned towards Rainbow Dash. “What kind of frosting do you want, Dashie?”

“Actually, I-I'm not really all that hungry right now, Pinkie.” Rainbow patted her stomach with a soft smile. “Thanks anyway.”

“Hey! No problem!” Pinkie winked. “And don't feel bad! After all, if I was being treated to so many lavish dinners in a row, I'd be full too!”

“Buh...?”

“I don't care how many times I twirled in his arms on the dance floor!”

“Pinkie! Shussssh!” Twilight hissed.

Pinkie smiled and blushed, ears folded. “Uhhhh... whoops?”

Rainbow gawked at the pair.

“Ooh boy,” Twilight gulped.

“Suuuuuure...” Spike waddled past them, rolling his eyes. “Pinkie messes up... and do you hit her with an encyclopedia? Nooooooo...”

“Uh... guys?” Rainbow Dash hovered lower. “Just what's going on around here?”

“We... uh...” Twilight fidgeted, fighting a girlish grin. “We pr-promised each other not to make a big show out of it, especially around you—”

“But knowing what we know, it's really hard to not let others know that we know what we know and we know it!” Pinkie beamed. “Y'know?!”

“Know what?!” Rainbow's voice cracked.

“Welllll?!” Pinkie hopped in place. “Aren't you gonna tell us his name?! Huh?! Huh?! Huh?!”

“To be perfectly honest...” Twilight rubbed a hoof across the floor, smiling bashfully. “I-I've been tempted to ask you all day, Rainbow.” She looked up with sparkling eyes. “You have to tell us.”

“Tell you what?! Who are we talking about?!”

“Your new extra super special someponyyyyy!” Pinkie sang. “Your coltfriend!”

“My... m-my coltfriend?!” Rainbow blinked... then blinked again. Her teeth grinded together, producing sparks. “Rarity...”

A Generous Thing to Do

“Why, Rainbow, darling!” Rarity's eyelashes fluttered from across Carousel Boutique. “Whatever do you mean?”

“Look, Rarity, I know this city inside and out!” Rainbow's voice cracked. “I fly over it everyday!” She hovered closer, drawn in by a frown. “I happen to know for a fact that Ponyville has more holes in it than a cheese grater! And you're the wettest sponge out of us all!”

“Oh, please...” Rarity rolled her eyes with a smile as she continued to sew a pair of trousers together. “So I give into the gab every now and then. Surely you can forgive a lady for a little bit of prattle—especially among like-friends.”

“Rarity!” Rainbow gawked. “I just got done talking to Twilight, Pinkie Pie, and Spike!”

“Oh...?”

“They no so much—I'm surprised they didn't send the pegarozzi in to personally take photos of my date in Manehattan!”

“Really, now?” Rarity squinted. “Even Spikey Wikey?”

“Rarity, this is serious!” Rainbow snarled. “You're no idiot! You know how much I like to hold certain things beneath the s-saddle! I told you and only you about that... erm... date night.”

“I know that, Rainbow Dash—”

“Then why'd you go all megaphone on me over it?!” Rainbow tossed her forelimbs. “Didn't I make it clear that I wanted to have the whole thing kept a secret?! If I didn't, then I apologize... but seriously!”

“I assure you that I did not tell any pony out of our immediate, harmonic circle.”

“H-how's that supposed to make me feel better?!”

“Rainbow Dash, we're your friends,” Rarity said in a calm-yet-airy tone. “I assure you that there is nothing the whole lot of us would do to harm you with whatever we knew about you.”

Rainbow Dash stared out the window, biting her lip. “Are you so sure about that...?”

“Am I sure about it?!” Rarity gasped, turning completely from her sewing. “Why, Rainbow Dash! What are we if not the perfect complements to one another! Like colors on a color wheel! We are all incomplete without a single one of us in the picture!”

“Nnngh... Rarity...”

“No! You must hear me out!” Rarity galloped over. “I love you, Rainbow Dash. Truly, I do. From one friend to another, I desire your absolute happiness and contentment in life.”

“But—”

“Eh-eh-eh!” Rarity raised a hoof, continuing. “And when you come to me—personally—with something you perceive as a dilemma that needs fixing, but of course I am going to tackle the problem with all of the skills at my disposal! But I am only one pony! A gifted one, granted, but a single mare nevertheless! What kind of a decent friend would I be if I did not contribute to your well-being with all of the devices at my disposal!”

Rainbow sighed into her forelimb. “So you told the girls...”

“You can bet your sonic rainboom, I did!” Rarity smiled. “I meant it as no slight against our trust, Rainbow, and if I have damaged that then I apologize. Truly, I do. But it doesn't take a genius to realize that having a coltfriend is a very new and tender arena for the likes of you! Even the toughest of characters can crumble under the slightest emotional duress! I've seen it happen before, and I'll be banished to the moon before I'll ever let the likes of that happen to you!”

“Mrrrrrffnngh...” Rainbow Dash folded her forelegs, frowning towards the walls. “I still wish you hadn't told them anything...”

“Honestly, Rainbow, if you cannot trust your closest friends by now...” Rarity giggled and smiled. “...then who can you trust?”

Rainbow clammed up.

“Oh, Rainbow, darling...” Rarity trotted over. She gave the pegasus a telekinetic tug, yanking her towards the floor with surprising force—only to lean in and give her the softest of nuzzles. “You truly are too tough for your own good. It's what makes you simultaneously precious and frustrating.”

“Hrmmmff... I don't see how or why you get to make that judgment call for me...”

“Would you rather I ignore your situation altogether?” Rarity smiled. “Rainbow, as annoying as it seems, part of being a friend means sacrifice. Personally, I like to be generous in sharing my time with each and every one of you.”

“Oh yeah?” Rainbow gave her a thin-eyed stare. “And what about me?”

Rarity took a deep breath. “I do believe you can stand to share more of your heart,” she said. “As dire and challenging as that might sound.”

Rainbow was silent.

“But, alas...” Rarity giggled. “How wondrous that you now have a coltfriend in your life to help break that shell that exists around you! I find it most delightful, Rainbow, and I'm sure you'll find that your friends agree!”

“Yeah...” Rainbow gulped, fidgeting in midair. “Lucky for me...”

A Nice Thing to Do

“She mentioned it over lunch at Sugarcube Corner,” Fluttershy said from where she squatted in front of her cottage, gardening. Every so often, she would dig a hole in the ground with a garden shovel, spit the instrument out, and continue. “As soon as the words left Rarity's mouth, I-I knew that it had to be a total fabrication.” Her eyes darted up to Rainbow. “Your fabrication.”

“Uh huh,” Rainbow murmured from where she hovered above the bees and rose bushes.

“But I didn't think it was harsh or out of character for Rarity,” Fluttershy said. “I've always known that she was a gossip. I've come to accept it about her.” She dug a bit more at the garden and smiled to herself. “As a matter of fact... heehee... I think it's a really cute quality of hers, especially since I'm not so great at gossiping myself. Uhm... n-not that I would ever want to...”

“You didn't, like, get mad at her or something?”

“Huh?!” Fluttershy looked up. Her joints trembled. “Of course not! I-I could never be mad at any of my friends!”

“Not even me?”

“Well...”

“Heh...” Rainbow rolled her eyes and faced the cottage with a smirk. “Let's not go there.”

“If anything, Rainbow, I was too busy thinking about the implications of what Rarity said to be shocked,” Fluttershy said. She reached into a tiny wagon and grabbed a flower, dropping it into the freshly dug hole before patting the earth in around it. “I mean, what could ever have gotten into her head that you had a coltfriend?”

“I... uh...” Rainbow Dash gulped. “I-I may have kinda sorta lied to her...”

Fluttershy gave the mare a double-take. “You... you m-mean you made it up?!”

Rainbow was already wincing. “.....yyyyyyeah?”

“Rainbow, what were you thinking?!”

“I wasn't thinking a whole lot, obviously.”

“That is a poor, poor excuse!” Fluttershy frowned briefly. She winced, then sighed. “Ohhhhh Rainbow, I really don't get you at times.”

“Really? Join the club.”

“No, I'm really... really serious.” Fluttershy swiped the dirt and sweat off her brow and stood up, staring up at her. “Up until now, you've gone through such incredible lengths to keep your feelings secret from your friends. I've always been fine with it, most especially because—in spite of it all—I and I alone have had the privilege of holding your word in strictest confidence. A lie of omission is still a lie—but I've always sympathized with your reasons for secrecy. But—now—to think of you actually fibbing to... to...”

“To establish bull hockey?”

“—to throw ponies off?!” Fluttershy gulped. “Rainbow Dash, we're your friends! If you can't trust us, then who can you?”

“Fluttershy, what we have is special!” Rainbow said. “What we all have is special! I know I may not show it all the time, but I really... really dig having friends!” Rainbow was pacing in mid-air by now. She hugged herself and shuddered. “I just... j-just don't want to do anything that might soil or ruin that!” She glanced over. “I don't wanna rain on our parade!”

“And just how would you possibly do that?!”

Rainbow Dash simply stared at Fluttershy, biting her lip.

Fluttershy blinked. Her ears folded as she leaned back with a sigh. “Rainbow, what you have is—without a doubt—the truest and most sincere love I've ever seen.”

“But it's still love,” Rainbow Dash murmured, shivering slightly. “And... and...” She squirmed in mid-air. “...sometimes you really c-can't afford to love when you really want to... especially with the kind of love that you have. It's too awkward of a thing... it's a burden.”

Fluttershy gasped. “Rainbow...!” She slowly shook her head in disbelief. “How could you possibly—?”

“Being friends means knowing how to sacrifice, right?” Rainbow gulped. “Well, I know what I gotta sacrifice.”

Fluttershy stared at her. She produced a melancholic sigh, hanging her head. “Whenever this happens... whenever this rears its sad little head...” She sniffled. “I always realized that I'm the one to blame.”

Rainbow did a double-take. “Huh?! What?! You?!”

Fluttershy couldn't bear to look at Rainbow. “All those years ago... I rejected you.” Another sniffling. “And that has to be it.”

“Awwwww dang it, Fluttershy—”

“That has to be the reason for why you're always punishing your precious little self, even to this day—”

Rainbow had already flown down to place her hooves on Fluttershy's shoulders. “Fluttershy, I hold absolutely no grudge against you!” She smiled warmly. “Yeah, things got rocky back in the day—but I know now that it was totally my fault!”

“Rainbow—”

“No! For real! Hear me out!” Rainbow Dash stroked her bangs back and smiled. “What you gave me was a wake-up call. I wanted something more out of our friendship, but all you wanted was friendship. Of all the moments you could have chosen to be assertive about what you wanted or didn't want—you chose the right dang moment. Y'know?” Rainbow grinned. “I may have been sore then, but I was just being an idiot. Today, I couldn't be prouder of anypony than I am of you.”

She looked up with glossy eyes. “...really?”

Rainbow smiled. She leaned in and nuzzled Fluttershy. “In my head... and in my heart, Fluttershy...” She gulped and whispered, “You'll always be my first love. I'd rather dive straight into cement than lie to you.”

Fluttershy's eyes shifted. “Uhm...”

“Hmm? What is it?”

She stared up at Rainbow Dash. “Couldn't you, then, be the same to the rest of us?”

“Be the same what?”

“Honest, Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy murmured. “To your friends.” She gulped. “And most especially to Applejack.”

Rainbow Dash clammed up.

“It's her element after all,” Fluttershy said. “I know you must be so afraid, Rainbow Dash—afraid of what will happen when you finally let us all know your feelings, especially her. But don't you think that would be for the best?” Fluttershy cocked her head to the side. “Don't you think that—someday—you and Applejack, at the very least—would have something just as special as you and I do?”

Rainbow Dash stepped back, biting her lip.

Fluttershy flinched. “Oh, Rainbow. Forgive me. I-I didn't mean to insinuate that nothing will ever happen between—”

“No, Fluttershy, it's... it's c-cool...” Rainbow gave her a weary smile. Her ears folded back as she sighed. “Some things are just... r-really friggin' hard to sacrifice.” She gulped and began hovering away from the cottage. “Especially when I know... I know... that what I 'have' now is far more special than what I could ever share with Applejack for real...”

A Zebra Thing to Do

“Mmmmm...” Zecora took a sip of the bubbling potion, leaned back, and licked her lips. Her eyes darted across the roof of her hut as she savored the taste. A few blinks later: “It certainly hasn't lost its potent taste. I doubt this will make your remedy go to waste.”

“You sure about that?” Rainbow Dash asked, balancing nimbly in the crook of the zebra's glass-less window. “Won't you be spreading the juice a little too thin?”

“Not at all, my pegasus friend!” Zecora chuckled while continuing to stir the larger pot. “I'm certain it will still have the desired effect in the end.”

“'Cuz I'm all for watering the stuff down so that I won't be overdoing it,” Rainbow muttered as she stared out into the humid Everfree Forest. “But—like—I don't want to be underdoing it either.”

“Trust me, Rainbow Dash, this plan is hardly rash. If I'm right, the only thing that will be lost are the ingredients' weekly cost!”

“Hmmm... I hope you're right.”

Zecora glanced up with a raised eyebrow. “Is somepony I know losing her financial glow?”

“I've been... uh... sl-slacking off on the delivery front,” Rainbow said with a nervous shudder. She ran a hoof through her prismatic bangs and shrugged. “Not like I can help it. I live a busy life, y'know.”

“Hrmmm...” Zecora smirked as she trotted across the hut to fetch a spice jar. “Too busy for the daily grind? A life like that, I wouldn't mind!”

“It's more complicated than that...”

“And most certainly you will not inform me.”

“Uhhhhhhh...” Rainbow sweated.

Zecora chuckled. “It's quite fine, Rainbow. Such info you need not bestow. I am quite aware that you are a most secretive mare.”

“You're...” Rainbow winced. “...n-not ticked off by that?”

“Is there a reason that I must?” Zecora balanced a jar on her neck and glanced at Rainbow as she trotted by. “You definitely have my trust.”

“Yeah well—”

“And before you start, allow me to impart.” Zecora smirked. “Nopony is completely perfect. We each deserve to keep something secret.”

“Yeah, but... b-but what if the secret... like...” Rainbow sighed, draping against the window sill. “...hurts us.”

“Then it is not a secret at all.”

“Oh yeah?” Rainbow tilted her head aside. “Then what is it?”

“Why, nothing less than a burden!” Zecora glanced back at her. “Hardly a pleasant state to be living in.”

Rainbow bit her lip.

Zecora squinted knowingly. “Do you find yourself unnecessarily fettered? Surely a mare like you deserves better.”

“I... w-wouldn't exactly put it that way...”

“If I may be so precise, you do seem like you're in a vice.”

“But how can you tell the difference between what screws you over versus—like—what makes you you?!”

“Heh heh heh...”

“Take your whole shamanism schtick for example.” Rainbow gulped and gestured as she spoke. “You rhyme all the time—but, like—you don't have to!”

“Indeed.”

“But you do it almost everytime you speak! But you've told me before that it's a discipline that you use to keep yourself more focused on your studies and your potion making and your—”

“Do your secrets help you in such a way?” Zecora asked while stirring the pot. “Or do they simply lead you astray?”

“H-huh?”

“Hmmm... let me put it in another fashion.” Zecora glanced over your shoulder. “Do you find yourself making progress or feeling passion?”

Rainbow blinked. Slowly, her ears folded. “No... I-I mean... I-I guess not...”

“Then clearly your secret is a bind, as opposed to a factor of a liberating kind.”

Rainbow Dash signed. “But... wh-what if my freedom isn't what matters?”

“I'm... afraid that I don't follow you. If not your freedom, than whose?”

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. She fidgeted, trembled, then eventually blurted, “Somepony that I care for more than anyone or anything in this whole friggin' universe...”

Zecora turned, blinking at her.

Rainbow gulped. “A pony I would gladly give up my life for.”

Zecora cocked her head to the side. Suddenly, she guffawed in a foreign tongue's jubilant laughter.

Rainbow grimaced. “Yikes... I-I didn't know you could bray!”

“Haah! Oh, blessed Rainbow...” Zecora wiped an eye dry and smiled warmly. “You are positively aglow.”

“Huh...?”

“With love, of course,” Zecora said. “You are a positively smitten horse!”

“I... I-I thought I made it clear to you that there was somepony in my life who—”

“A divine truth, absolutely! I simply couldn't see it before through all the melancholy!”

“Uhhh... what?” Rainbow's eyes blinked.

“You heard my word.”

“You think I look sad?!”

“Rainbow Dash, you are sad,” Zecora said. “You're positively the saddest pony friend I've ever had!”

“But... but...” Rainbow hugged herself, curling. “I-I'm awesome...”

“Of that, there is definitely no denying. But a pony capable of winning is also capable of crying.”

“It's... it's not that obvious, is it?”

“Yes, to trained eyes such as mine, I'd venture,” Zecora said, nodding. “Albeit, probably not to those of familiar nomenclature.”

“Eh?”

“Your friends are likely used to you being you. They can't always be helped to know that you're secretly blue.”

“Well, they shouldn't have to!” Rainbow frowned, folding her forelimbs. “I'm the loyal one! It's not their place to sweat it!”

“It seems to me you've bested the image you've held close to your chest.”

Rainbow hung her head.

“Yes?”

“I...” Rainbow squirmed. “I-I don't want them to ever have to feel sorry for me...”

“I doubt pity is all that they would give. Your friends are there to help you live.”

“Yeah, I-I know, Zecora, but—”

“I you seek a way out of the melancholic sphere, you should overcome your stubborn fear—”

“What... wh-what if...” Rainbow's voice squeaked pitifully. “...I-I wanted more than friendship from one of them?”

Zecora turned to look at her.

Rainbow trembled, staring at her through glossy eyes.

Softly, Zecora dropped what she was doing. She crossed the length between them.

Rainbow bit her lip. Her wings twitched, but she fought the urge to fly away.

Zecora came to a stop before the window sill. Gently, she took two of Rainbow's hooves in her own and smiled at her. “Rainbow, you are a most wholesome and valued peer. Your love of life have brought much-needed warmth to my life in Ponyville here. However...” She blushed slightly. “I... am sorry to say that the door of my hut does not entirely swing that way.”

Rainbow stared at Zecora.

Zecora pensively stared back.

At last, Rainbow blinked. “I didn't mean you!”

Zecora exhaled. “Oh! Ohhhhh...”

“Snkkkt—” Rainbow's cheeks exploded.

“Hrkkk—Hah hah hah!” Zecora leaned back, a hoof over her chest.

“Heeheeheehee!” Rainbow fell off the windowsill, pounding the floor of the hut.

“Haaaah-hahahah!” Zecora fell on her haunches, brushing her mane straight. “By the stripes! I certainly blew the wrong pipes!”

“Ohhhhhhhhhhh wow...” Rainbow rolled over, grinning up at the zebra, red-faced. “D-don't get me wrong! You're totally a smexy... r-robust mare, but... uhhhh...”

“A thousand pardons, dear friend.” Zecora breathed regularly, still smirking. “Sometimes I do not know which way my ears bend.”

“It's... uhm...” Rainbow gulped. “It's another friend of mine. One of the—y'know... one of the five.”

“I understand that now,” Zecora wheezed. “Being mistaken earlier, I cannot ascertain how...”

“So... like...” Rainbow Dash gazed up at her, blinking innocently. “That d-doesn't freak you out, or...?”

“Nay, it does not.”

“Really?” Rainbow squinted. “Why?”

“Why should it bother me so?” Zecora smirked. “Your heart is your own, Rainbow.”

“Yeah... well... eheheh...” Rainbow sat up, slicking her mane back. “There are other organs attached to that, y'know.”

Zecora chuckled. “I very much doubt that this is an issue of orientation, but perhaps one of personal validation?”

“I just...” Rainbow winced. “...d-don't want to freak out the ponies I'm close to.” She gulped. “Sure, maybe none of the girls would have a problem with me liking mares... but one of them?”

“Your concern is a signature of your utmost respect,” Zecora said. “But I do believe you should keep your paranoia in check.”

“But what I have is so great right now, y'know?” Rainbow stammered. “I don't want to ruin it just because... like... I-I want more.” She sighed. “I want to want what she wants, and... w-with each passing day...” She gazed sadly towards the floor, rubbing her forelimb. “...I start to feel like that's never going to happen.”

“And do you progress by staying in the same place?” Zecora leaned her head aside. “Always bearing the same old face?”

“Well... n-no, I guess not—”

“You've shared a dear secret with me,” the zebra said. “Awkward or not, do you feel any less free?”

Rainbow opened her mouth, but hesitated. She blinked a few times, staring pointedly at Zecora.

Zecora smiled back pleasantly.

Rainbow exhaled, her ears folded back as she bore a calm smile. “Smooth sailing...”

“Smooth sailing indeed. Now...” Zecora gestured towards the potion. “Back to the other thing that you need...”

A Scampy Thing to Do

“Nnngh!”

Rainbow kicked her way through a cloud, spun, and uppercutted her hoof through another. As the misty bits trailed into evaporated nothing, she spun about, plunged, and threw her whole body through a dark gray bed. The air above Ponyville burst with a splatter of rain drops. Rainbow's wings glistened as she came up, ascending rapidly to approach another forming cloud. This time, she twirled upside down and dug her wingtips up, slicing through the haze as if with dual plows. The cloud broke into three separate columns. At this point, Thunderlane and Candy Floss flew in, breaking through the lateral bands. Midway through their task, they glanced down and saluted Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow smirked and saluted back. Then she flipped, twirled about, and shot straight up, bursting up and down through the last remaining ribbon of mist, dissolving it into nothing.

In the murky wake of the shattered clouds, bright golden sunlight beamed through, illuminating patches of farmland and countryside.

Rainbow Dash glided evenly, surveying the landscape with thin, ruby eyes. Thunderlane and Candy Floss soared towards the far ends of Ponyvillean airspace, looking for scant patches of cloud. Halfway through Rainbow's vigil, her ears twitched at a familiar sound. Scrunching her muzzle up, she glanced downward.

Far below, on the crest of a hill, she spotted three shapes: white and yellow and orange. The last shape in particular was perched at the top of a crude wooden slide with its lower end aimed towards the hillside's sharp drop.

After a blink or two, Rainbow Dash smirked to herself.

“Scootaloooooo!” Sweetie Belle's voice cracked. “You're going to kill yourself! And my big sister tells me that you're not supposed to do that until you're at least twenty-seven!”

“Could ya at least try doin' this somewhere downhill?” Apple Bloom protested.

“Yeah! Over a bed of pillows or something!”

“No go, girls!” I grumbled, slapping a pair of goggles over my eyes. I could feel my lips curving as I mounted my scooter at the top of the slide and faced the wind. “My aunt always tells me that my uncle used to teach my young nephews how to swim by throwing them into a pool of water! Well, now I'm going to throw myself into the air!”

“Yup.” Apple Bloom frowned up at me. “And don't y'all reckon that what goes up is gonna come down? Hard?!”

“Oh, I'll come down alright!” I said with a smirk. “And if I have any pegasus instincts inside me at all, then I'll do so in the most awesome way possible!”

“If you had any pegasus instincts, you wouldn't have climbed up here in the first place!” Sweetie exclaimed.

“Did you or did you guys not help me build this slide?”

My two friends dug their hooves into the earth, looking guilty. “We did...”

“And why'd you do that, huh?”

“...because it will be awesome...”

“Darn tootin'!” I tightened my goggles and gripped the handles of my scooter. “So let's do this already! Can I get a count down!”

“Oooh! Oooh!” Sweetie hopped in place. “I'll do it!” She took a deep breath. “Ten!... ... ...” The filly began sweating nervously.

Apple Bloom rolled her eyes and stepped forward. “Ahem. Allow me. Ten... nine... eight... seven... six...”

“Alrighty...” I leaned ahead, pushing my scooter to the crest of the steep slide. “...here goes nothing.”

“Five... four... three... two... one—”

“Happy New Year!” Sweetie Belle giggled.

“Go, Scoots! Go!” Apple Bloom hopped.

“Going!” I kicked forward. I plummeted down the slide. “Going...!” I hit the ramp and soared into the wild blue. “Gone!”

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were shouting something. All I caught was the tail end of “You're flying! You're flying!”

“Pffft!” I groaned defeatedly into the wind. “No I'm not.”

I looked down.

The countryside was gliding beneath me at a blistering pace.

My voice cracked, “I am flying! OmigoshOmigoshOmigosh!” A cold sweat dribbled down my trembling body. “Wh-What do I d-do?!” I clenched my eyes shut and hissed in fright.

“Well, first of all, squirt, you can try friggin' relaxing.”

“H-Huh?!” I popped one eye open. I looked up.

A fuzzy blue body loomed directly overhead, her strong arms reaching down to brace my shoulders. In a flicker of sunlight, I saw her devilish smirk, followed by an even more devilish wink.

“R-Rainbow Dash!” I swear, my heart produced that sound, not my lungs. “You're b-back!”

“Heh... sorry I couldn't be around much lately, kiddo,” she said with a grin. “There isn't enough me for the whole world at once, after all.”

“Oh, it's fine! It's totally fine!” I said, then sighed. “I-I just wish I could have figured out flying since the last time you saw me.”

“Who says you're not flying?”

“Heh... Rainbow, you're awesome, but really—”

“Yeah, really!” Rainbow dipped us low enough to deposit my scooter on a tall hilltop. She then lifted us again. “No no no no—don't drop your wings! You almost had it!”

“For r-real?!”

“Stick them out again. Yeah. Just like that. Now...” She raised my body ahead of her, then up high. I was dealing with the winds at full-force now. It put a strain on my goggles, but if Rainbow Dash was going to give me such a boost than who was I to—? “Now, stiffen your wings, but let the rest of your body relax.”

“But...” I grimaced. “How...?”

“C'mon, scampy, ya do it all the time on your scooter. You just don't realize it!”

“I do?”

“Totally! Only—this time—don't actually beat your wings. Just pretend you're hitting a big, big ramp on your scooter and you're getting some air.”

“Heh... you mean that ramp I built back there?”

“For real, girl! Let your wings control just how far you go. In time, you'll know when and where to beat them to give yourself some lift!”

“Some lift...” I gulped, spreading my wings out. I felt the air whistling above and behind me. “Rainbow, I-I dunno. We're going really... really fast. Wouldn't this—like—tear my feathers off or something?”

“Pffft, hardly!” Her voice emanated from several feet behind me. “You seem to be made of stronger stuff than that, kid.”

“H-huh?” I looked down and saw nothing but air. I looked behind myself.

Rainbow Dash grinned from a distance.

My voice squeaked inaudibly. I sensed my goggles fogging up. “I'm flying...” The biggest, stupidest grin. “I'm actually totally flying—Aw crap!” I plummeted instantly.

“Whoah there!” Rainbow swooped down and gripped me in a flash. “One thing at a time, h-huh?!”

“Those were...” I blinked, then squealed with bursting joy. “...th-the best five seconds of my life!”

“Heh, if I had a bit for everytime a pony's said that to me.”

“Huh?”

“Heheheh... Ahem. Let's try it a few more times, squirt.”

“Okay okay!” I grinned like an ecstatic cherub as we curved through the billowing atmosphere together.

Elementary

“I st-still can't believe it!” I said, staring up into the clouds with the dumbest of grins. “Ten seconds! I was gliding on my own for ten seconds!”

“More like fifteen in my book,” Rainbow said.

I looked across the grass at her. “For r-real?! Fifteen seconds?!”

“Yup.” Rainbow smirked. “We weather fliers have built-in stopwatches.” She yawned. “Even if we tend to ignore 'em from time to time.”

I stared back up at the clouds. “Wow... fifteen seconds...” I let loose a happy sigh, curling my forelimbs to my chest as we continued to skygaze on the hilltop. “Too bad I didn't take off to do that.”

“Hey, you stabilized yourself pretty well.”

“Yeah, but I didn't flap my wings or nothin'—”

“Kid... face it.” Rainbow squinted at me. “You did good.”

“Heeheehee...” I bit my lip as I felt my cheeks flushing. “I-I did, didn't I?”

“And, between you and me, I'm a lot cooler with you practicing in ways that don't involve launching yourself off rooftops.”

“But my scooter always survives the fall!”

“It's not the scooter I'm concerned with.”

“Oh...” I cleared my throat. “Right.”

“Don't you have somepony in your household to carry you around on gliding runs?” Rainbow Dash blinked my way. “I mean, that's how most pegasi learn how to stretch their wings.”

“Including you?”

“Pfft. You kidding?” Rainbow chuckled. “My dove out of my nursery window for kicks at the age of eight months.” She gazed up at the sky. “My dad had to scramble super fast to even catch up with me.”

“Well, I-I'm glad he caught you!”

“Oh, he didn't.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Landed right in a deep lake beneath Cloudsdale. But s'all good. Ever since, I could boast that I learned to swim and fly in the same day!”

“Hahahahaha!”

Rainbow smirked. “Yeah... yeahhhhhh...” She flexed her forelimb with a contented sigh. “That's an oldie but a goodie.” She gulped. “Still, don't you?”

“Don't I what?”

“Have ponies to give you gliding lessons?”

“Mmmmm...” I sighed, glancing down at my twitching tail amidst the blades of grass. “Mom and Dad are always super busy. They work alternating shifts in the day and night. I have a hard enough time even seeing them when the sun's out, much less getting to hang out.”

“No kiddin'?”

“Meh.”

“How the heck do you get in and out of the house?”

“Pffft. They give me a key to the apartment, of course.”

“Next thing, you'll tell me you cook your own dinners.”

“I do.”

Rainbow turned to look at me. “Wowsers, you really take care of yourself, don't ya?”

“I guess.” I shrugged. “I mean, it's preparing me for when I get older. At least I like to think so.”

“Your parents plan on being in Ponyville to stay, huh?”

“Er... yeah.” I raised an eyebrow. “Something wrong with that?”

“Just—back in Cloudsdale, that'd never fly.”

“How do you mean?”

“I mean, pegasi up there are all about hanging out with their kids.” Rainbow smirked. “'Cuz why not, y'know? We sure do have a ton of them.”

“My parents totally love me!”

“I-I didn't say they didn't, kiddo! Everypony's got... y'know...” Rainbow exhaled heavily, staring towards the horizon. “...a different way of showing it.”

“So what if my folks wanna make sure I can take of myself? I've got what it takes!”

“Oh, you sure do, alright.” Rainbow smirked at me. “Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle's lives would fall apart if you weren't there to hold it together.”

I sat up, staring wide-eyed at her. “You really think so?”

“Isn't it obvious?”

“Well, y-yeah! I mean...” I fidgeted with my tail, staring down at the grass. “I've always felt deep-down inside that I'm tougher than them. But...” I gulped. “I don't wanna think about that too much.”

“Why not?”

“Cuz then I might turn ugly like Diamond Tiara or Silver Spoon. I don't th-think I'm better than the other crusaders. After all, I like being with them. I-I dunno where I'd be without them.”

“It's swell to have friends you can rely on, huh?” Rainbow smirked. “Quick, remind me—who's Diamond Tiara?”

“Huh?”

“Which filly is her again? I've only been by Cheerilee's school one sneeze per month.”

“Oh! Uh... sh-she's the one with... y'know... the tiara.”

“... ... ...”

“...mane looks like silk toilet paper?”

“Ohhhhh! That Diamond Tiara!”

I giggled. “Heeheehee! Yup! Th-that's the one!”

“Do me a favor, Scoots.”

“Name it.”

“Don't ever compare yourself to that bucket of turds... ever.” Rainbow winked. “Even in the hypothetical.”

“What does that mean?”

“Don't even pretend you'd be like her in some alternate universe.”

“You mean—like—a universe where I was Luna's pet batpony or something?”

“Sure. Whatever.” Rainbow rolled on her side to look at me more directly. “What I'm trying to say is—you're a kid. A real good kid. And yet you've got spunk.” She reached over and messed with my mane. “I wish I had the guts you did at your age—and yet all the brains as well, y'know?”

“Heheh...” I bit my lips, avoiding her gaze. “Jee, th-thanks.”

“Don't mention it. And don't ever worry about being similar to jerkfaces like Dirty Tool.”

“Diamond Tiara.”

“Whatever. You kids are cut from a different cloth. Oil and vinegar. Marsupials and lemurs. Panties and—”

“I get it, Dash, thank you.”

“Ha! See?! Totally smart.” Rainbow pointed. “The Crusaders are lucky to have ya.”

I fidgeted, my ears folding back.

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “What is it?”

“Would you... uhm...” I squirmed. “Would you m-mind me telling you something?” I gulped. “And it's g-gonna sound a little weird.”

“Girl, I'm made of fifty-percent weird. Hanging out with Pinkie Pie as much as I do?”

“Alright.” I took a deep breath. “It's just that... sometimes I feel like... how should I put this...?”

“The honest way?”

“Honest... w-way?”

Rainbow shrugged. “Try it, you'll like it!” She smirked.

I blinked at her. At last, I said, “If it weren't for Sweetie and Apple Bloom, I'd no longer be a crusader.

Rainbow sat up, eyes thin. “Oh yeah?”

I sighed. “I know it sounds horrible, but... I-I've honestly stopped caring about getting a cutie mark ages ago.”

“Well, from the sound of things, you've got enough talents to take care of yourself as it is,” Rainbow said. “I mean, your parents trust you like a full-fledge adult, and you do a good job taking care of your gal-pals.”

“I could certainly do with a super special talent, but... th-that's not so important anymore.”

“What changed?”

I looked at her.

She smirked down at me. “It did change, right? I mean, you were totally gonzo about getting your butt stamp for ages... heh...”

“Yeah, I guess.” I shuddered. “Just... it's not so important anymore. I...” I smiled slowly. “I'm happy how I am.” My wingtips fluttered. “And where I am.”

“Well, that's natural,” Rainbow Dash said with a nod. “Sometimes the best things in life show up without you actually looking for them.”

I looked at her. “You must know what that's like. I mean—if there's anypony who's happy being herself—it's gotta be you!”

Rainbow Dash stared at me, not moving a muscle. Four oozing seconds later, she eventually blurted, “So happy, I could almost cry!” A twitching smile.

“Heeheeheee!” I clutched myself, eyes clenched shut.

I hear her scratching her forehead. “Wow... you weren't kidding about the happy part, huh...”

“I don't know what it is!” I exhaled through a warm smile. “It just... f-felt so good to get that off my chest.”

“What, about the cutie mark thing?”

“Yeah. I know it sounds silly—”

“Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are so obsessed over it.”

“I know. And I don't want to make them feel bad.”

“I think they're happy enough just to have you around—helping them as well as yourself.” Rainbow smirked. “In fact, I bet you could even tell them how you feel.”

I gulped. “For r-real?”

“Why the heck not?! They're your friends, right?” Rainbow stifled a yawn and leaned casually back in the grass. “Like—what the heck would they do? Kick you out of the clubhouse? Pfft. They'll go back by about five years in their search for cutie marks without you!”

“Hahahah! Yeah they would!”

“Don't fret it, kid.” Rainbow smirked. “Ain't nothing wrong about telling another pony how much they make you happy.”

I bit my lip, the rolled over, clasping one of Rainbow's forelimbs in a hug. “You make me super... super happy, Rainbow. Life's so awesome with you in it.”

“Heh...” Rainbow rolled her eyes, smirking. “Lay on enough sap, kid, and you'll never get unstuck from the earth.”

“Thanks for everything. First helping me glide, and now this.” I grinned at her. “Y'know, maybe they should have called you the 'Element of Honesty' too!”

Rainbow's smirk slowly, slowly faded. She gulped and glanced up at the sky. “Yeah... uh... wouldn't that be... uhm... nifty, eh?”

“Rainbow?” I blinked. “Is something wrong?”

“Yeah... something is.”

“Wh-what?” I asked, feeling a pang of concern.

She turned and smirked at me. “Some kid isn't getting enough gliding lessons.” She stood up and leaned down, resting a hoof on my shoulder. “Deliver a message to your folks.”

“A message?”

“Yeah. Tell them that the fastest, coolest, bestest flier in all of Ponyville is totally cool with giving their filly some time in the air to stretch her wings out more. And what's more, she's gonna do it free of charge.”

“R-really?!” I hopped up to my hooves, beaming.

“What, did I just speak llama? Deliver the message, girl!”

“Oh, I will, Rainbow! I will!” I leaned in, nuzzling her leg. “Thank you! You're the best!”

“Heh... yeah...” Rainbow shuddered through a calm smile. Slowly, she gazed towards the distant edge of the sky. “So I've been told...”

Little and White

Rainbow Dash lay on a tree branch atop a hill overlooking Ponyville. Quietly, she gazed skyward, her eyes bright and contemplative. After several deep breaths, she turned on her side and gazed across the lengths of the town.

The sun was beginning its afternoon decline. Gradually, the sky turned orange, matching the hue of the gold-thatched rooftops. Songbirds retreated into the welcoming foliage of the Everfree Forest beyond the city limits. As ponies left work for their homes, they gathered in random clusters and chatted merrily along rose gardens and over tiny bridges spanning babbling brooks.

Rainbow Dash rarely ever paused to see the world slow down, but when she did it was always a uniquely soothing experience. All too soon, however, the same thing that always happened when she stopped moving transpired. Rainbow Dash winced, and instantly her eyes darted across the town, resting on the glittery rooftop of the Carousel Boutique.

With a deep, deep breath, Rainbow Dash stretched her wings, rolled off the branch, and glided towards her destination.

“I'm so glad you stopped by again, Rainbow!” Rarity chirped, trotting gaily across her studio. “I was inspired by the last visit you paid me, and I began working on this new ensemble!” She giggled under her breath. “Oh, it's simply a mess of basic materials now, but—give it a day or two—and I promise you that it will absolutely knock the horseshoes off your beloved beau!”

“Uhhhh... sweet... I-I guess...” Rainbow gulped from where she stood stock-still in the center of the Boutique. She swiveled to keep facing Rarity. “Uh... Rares? If you have a moment—”

“Always busy! Always creative!” Rarity glanced over her shoulder from where she was magically sewing a collar onto a dress. “But always with time to spare for a friend!” She winked. “What's on your mind, darling?”

“You see... uh... it's about my...” Rainbow gulped, trembling slightly. “...'supposed' colfriend.”

“Wuh ohhhh!” Rarity sing-songed. “'Supposed?' Surely you mustn't doubt your charm, darling! After all, he was the one who asked you out in Manehattan! Hmmm? Am I correct?”

“Rarity, for real...” Rainbow was breathing heavily to fight back the shivers. “You've been nothing but super nice and generous to me lately—”

“Heeheehee! But of course! Rainbow, you're in love! Anything I can contribute to the magic of what you're going through would thrill me to no end!”

“It's not so much about you, but it's about me.” Rainbow gulped. “And... and th-the fact that I... uh... I... I-I haven't been very honest with you.” She gulped again. “Especially as of late.”

Rarity paused in what she was doing, turning around completely. “Oh? Why, whatever do you mean, darling?”

“You mean a lot to me, Rares. So do the rest of the girls. And it's time that you... f-found out the truth.” Rainbow Dash inhaled heavily, her wings coiling tightly at her side. “And the truth is that I... I...”

Rarity stared at her with concern. Her eyelashes fluttered. “Yes, Rainbow...?”

“I-I...” Rainbow winced suddenly.

Her gaze fell past Rarity. She saw a gown on a ponyquin, white and flowy—like a wedding dress. For the briefest moment, she imagined herself wearing something just like it, a tearstained smile plastered on her face. She lifted her neck up, and another pony's chin was softly nuzzling her head from above. Through her peripheral vision she saw orange fuzz and tiny white freckles. It was the warmest of dreams, and—like always—it was fading away with each passing second, only faster now with Rainbow Dash holding her breath upon the brink of the inevitable.

“I...” Rainbow's ears folded and her wings went limp. She sighed and muttered, “I... d-dumped his flank back in Manehattan.” She gulped. “My coltfriend and I are n-no longer going steady.”

“...!!!” Rarity dropped all her things and clapsed a pair of hooves over her muzzle. “Oh! Rainbow!” The edges of her eyes moistened. “Say it isn't s-so!”

“I'm afraid it is.” Rainbow clenched her teeth into a warped smile. “The honest-to-Celestia truth. It was... j-just not meant to be. I found that out after Manehattan.”

“Rainbow...” Rarity sniffled, taking a few dainty steps forward. “I am so... so terribly sorry.”

“Pffft. I'm not!” Rainbow smirked. “He was a loser, anyways! I'm better off without him!”

“Oh, now you're just saying that, you poor dear—”

“Are you kiddin'?” Rainbow chuckled and waved a hoof. “Girl, he was gonna show me off as a trophy! He didn't care about my feelings or whatcrap! All he wanted was for the world to know that he had somehow saddled Rainbow Dash, the most awesome pegasus in Equestria!” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Well, no sir, that ain't the life for me! When I dumped him, I made sure it was in front of everypony. Hah! There's a stallion who won't make the same mistake to another unsuspecting mare ever again!”

“Well, Rainbow...” Rarity took a deep breath in spite of her teary eyes. “I must say, I am exceedingly proud of you for sticking up for yourself. A pony such as myself in the same position would probably have been swayed by the romantic essence of the moment. I wish I had known that it would go south the way it did.” She sighed, staring down at her squirming hooves. “Now I feel outright foolish for urging you forward in the way I did.”

“Oh please.” Rainbow crossed the distance and rested a hoof on the mare's shoulder. “Rarity, the only good thing about that night was you.”

Rarity looked up. “Me?”

“Totally!” Rainbow smirked. “That gown you made for me was killer cool!”

“You actually... think so?”

“Okay, so—like—in any other circumstance, I'd never be caught dead wearing something like that at such an event, but... hey! You only live once, huh?” Rainbow chuckled. “I can't say it's something I wanna do all the time, but it was sorta... nifty being all glitzy and glamorous for once in my life. And even if my—ahem—ex may have been a total jerkface, the whole evening still felt magical.” She winked. “I have you to thank for that.”

Rarity blinked, her cheeks rosy from a foalish smile. “I'm s-so glad I could contribute in at least a minimal fashion.”

“Girl, you took it to the max, and I thank you for that.” Rainbow smirked. “But, y'know, that was then, and this is now. I'm free to be myself again. So...” She narrowed her eyes. “No more making me dresses. Ya feel me? There are tons of other ponies around town who deserve your generosity, and I'm sure at least half of them aren't going through stupid relationships.”

“But... but...” Rarity pouted. “I already started on this one!”

“Fiiiiine...” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Just one more dress. But no more playing cupid, okay?”

“Mmmm...” Rarity squealed under her breath. She threw herself forward, hugging Rainbow. “Oh, darling... fear not. Someday, you will find the right pony. And when you do, I will support you every step of the way. Do you hear me?”

“Yeah, Rares...” Rainbow Dash grimaced as she rested her chin on the mare's shoulder. She looked worriedly into the corner of the Boutique. “I hear you.” A sigh, and she closed her heavy eyelids, resting in Rarity's embrace.

Orange You Glad To Hear The News?

“Shindig?!” Applejack leaned back with a hoof raised. “Why... golly! You bet your stained-glass tail I know her!”

“You mean you've met her personally?” Rainbow asked.

“Well, no. Reckon I don't know her like that.” Applejack gulped, adjusting her hat in the dim glow of evening. “But anypony who's anypony in agriculture has heard of Shindig! I mean... we are talkin' about the juice maker out of Fillyda?”

“Orlandoats, Fillyda.”

“Land's sakes...” Applejack plopped back on her haunches, bright-eyed. “And she wants to have my family visit to discuss hoofing over the deed to her cider-makin' fields?”

“Hehe... yup!” Rainbow Dash grinned wide. “Why, is that a good thing?”

“A good thang?!” Applejack stammered. “Rainbow, d-do you have any idea what this means?!” The mare gawked into the sunset. “Why... just ownin' a quarter of Shindig's land could mean multiplyin' our harvest yields by tenfold! I mean—shucks—Sweet Apple Acres is doin' just fine and dandy now... best we've ever been doin', for that matter. But gainin' that much new ground overnight?! It... it...”

“Easy... easy, AJ.” Rainbow Dash squatted low with a smirk. “Shhhh! Breeeathe. Thatta girl...”

“It seems too darn good to be true.” Applejack gulped, then squinted at the pegasus. “Wait... just how do you know that this is a real thang?”

“I happened to run into Fancy Pants just recently. Y'know...” Rainbow Dash gestured. “Tall dude. Big, puffy chest. Wears a monocle. Has a tiny cat turd for a mustache?”

“Rainbow...”

“Well, is that him or isn't it?”

“Ahem.” Applejack nodded. “Yup. That's the Fancy Pants we're doing business with.”

“Well, he wanted to break it to you himself, but he figured you might not believe him. So he asked me in passing if I might be able to give you the good news instead.”

“I... I-I don't get it...”

“Well, I mean...” Rainbow Dash bit her lip. “You d-do trust me, right?”

“Why, I course I do!” Applejack smiled. “You're as loyal as it gets, Rainbow! Why'd I ever think twice about anything you'd have to say?”

Rainbow Dash slowly, slowly exhaled. “Yeahhhh...” She cleared her throat. “Well, I don't know any more details than what he gave me, but—basically—this mare named Shindig would like you to come check out the cider mill. I... uh... g-guess it's an interview process of sorts, to see if you or another big, happening farm family deserves the keys to the citrus kingdom.”

“Orlandoats, Fillyda...” Applejack shook her head in shock. “That there's a heck of a gallop...”

“Yeah... it's... it's pretty far away...” Rainbow fidgeted with her bangs, avoiding Applejack's gaze. “Perhaps there's a train that leads down there. But... y'know... you'd have to make a stop by Atlantrot.”

“Who doesn't, these days.”

“And if you take her up on her offer, that probably m-means moving far away and—”

“Now hold yer horses, Rainbow.” Applejack chuckled, standing back up. “I haven't agreed to anythang yet. Whew! To be honest, I'm still reelin' from the bomb you just dropped.”

“Heh! Well, that's me!” Rainbow smiled cheekishly. “Rainbow Professionalism Bomb Dropping Danger Dash!”

“I need to talk it over with Granny... with Big Mac...” Applejack stared at the dimming horizon. “Fancy Pants too, I reckon.”

“Well, y'know, eventually.”

“And I can't even begin to imagine the sort of finacnes I'd have to wrangle my head around!” Applejack winced. “Numbers have never been my strong suit. Reckon I'd have to chat up Twilight about this too.”

“Whatever you do, AJ, just make sure it's something you wanna do.”

“Why wouldn't I wanna do it?!” Applejack blinked. “It means potentially turnin' our franchise into a big cider empire overnight!”

“Oh... r-right...” Rainbow Dash shuddered, staring at the ground as she fiddled with her bangs. “Of course.”

“Rainbow...?” Appeljack murmured.

Rainbow looked up.

“Everythang alright, sugarcube?” Applejack's emerald eyes glinted with the last hint of daylight. “You seem a bit frazzled, darlin'.”

“Who, me? I'm fine, AJ.”

“Y'all sure about that?”

“Totally! I just...” Rainbow Dash clenched her teeth. With a shuddering breath, she said, “I-I'm just... super glad, y'know?” She smiled sweetly. “That everything's lookin' up for you.” She cleared her throat. “You've been workin' so friggin' hard for so friggin' long. Just seems like just desserts, ya feel me?”

“Awwwwwwww...” Applejack smirked. “Well, if it means anythang, I can't think of a better pony I'd rather hear the news from.”

Rainbow twitched. “F-for real?”

“Shucks, could y'all imagine Fluttershy or Rarity fumblin' to tell me this stuff straight?!” Applejack guffawed, hanging onto her stetson. “They're sweet n'all, but t'ain't as together or loyal as you!”

“Heh...” Rainbow Dash shrugged, eyes happily shut. “Glad to be of service.” She gasped upon feeling a pair of warm forelimbs folded around her. “Buhhhhhhhhhh...?”

“Thanks, Rainbow,” Applejack said, her friendly voice very close... very warm in Rainbow's ear. “For everythang, sugarcube. Y'know, y'all can be really sweet... even if yer a sassy scamp most of the time.”

“Uhhhhhhhhhh...” Rainbow teetered a bit after Applejack pulled back from the hug. “Ehhhh heheheheheheheheheh...” She tilted her head against the sunset to hide the flush in her cheeks. “You kn-now me!” A voice cracking giggle. “Captain Sass of the Sassbolts herself! Heheheheheh!”

“Hah hah hah!”

“Whewwwwwwwwww... Yeah...” Rainbow wheezed. She reached a hoof up to her chest, relishing in the tender warmth still clinging to her coat. “Lots... and lots of s-sass...”

“Well, I'd better call it a day.” Applejack turned and trotted up to her farmhouse. “Think I'll tell Granny and Big Macintosh first thang in the mornin'. No sense in them tossin' in turnin' all night from this news. Celestia knows, I'll be.”

“Er... right...” Rainbow gulped. “You and me both.”

“G'evenin', Rainbow. And thanks again.”

“Anytime, AJ...” Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and lifted off. “Anytime...”

Minutes later, under the fall of night, Rainbow flew up above the clouds. She twirled a few times before her wings went limp. Slowly, she drifted down and landed on a misty bed, gazing up at the stars.

The mare took a long, long breath and exhaled slowly over the span of thirty seconds. She hugged herself, a dumb smile plastered over her face.

She hugged herself tighter, sealing in the warm tingles she still felt from the hug. She closed her eyes, flaring her nostrils—and in a way she could still smell the day's sweat and grit from Applejack's coat. Her ears still twitched with the sweet heat from her voice.

“Hmmmmm...”

Rainbow Dash whimpered quietly into the air.

Gradually, her smile waned slightly. She sniffled as the edges of her eyelids moistened.

Nevertheless, she clenched her jaw. The next time she opened her eyes, they were glossy, but she bore a determined smile.

Another sniffle, and she rolled over, galloped across the cloud, and took off gliding, slicing her way into the windy breeze, clearing her mind so that the faint traces of Applejack's voice took precedent, warming her at the core.

Dat Loop, Though

“Sometimes... just sometimes...” Rainbow Dash murmured from where she lay upside down on her bed, her head dangling off the side as she played with her hooves. “...I'd love to trot up to Twilight and—like—ask if she could conjure of a spell.” She gulped. “A spell that would make me forget that the last year ever happened. I'd stop remembering everything. I wouldn't remember the Grand Galloping Gala. I wouldn't remember the Running of the Leaves. I... j-just wouldn't remember any of the stuff that made me... turn into what I am today.” Her dull eyes fell on the window overlooking Ponyvillean night. “I'd be back to doing my usual routine. Pulling off radical stunts over the rooftops of town. Obsessing over the Wonderbolts. Pulling pranks on Rarity.” She hugged herself tightly. “Only... I-I'd no longer remember what it is that makes me feel like I could be happier... that I should be happier than what I am now.”

“Or...” Lancie yawned from where his little stone self leaned against the edge of a dresser with folded arms. “...you could just—find the next shard and let me wish you your legs back into shape, that way you wouldn't have to use your crutch as... such a crutch.”

“Hrmmf...”

“Don't 'Hrmmf' me!” Lancie glared up at her. “Y'know, sometimes I think you're being yanked around by some evil master's puppet strings and it's gotten you all tangled and mixed up!”

“Oh yeah? And why would you care?”

“Because that evil master isn't me!” He pouted. “And I'm jealous!”

“Heh...”

“For real, though, Sparky...” Lancie paced closer to the bed. “If something supposedly makes you so 'happy,' then how come it also tears you up inside? Wouldn't it be better to let go.”

“I... I-I can't...”

“Why not? You make it sound like you'd be better off without it.”

“Hrmmm...”

“And what's more, a part of you is willing to admit it.”

“Easier said than friggin' done.” Rainbow stared at him upside down, her fuzzy muzzle open. “Haven't you ever been in love, Lancie?”

“Sparky, I don't call what you've got 'being in love.' It's more like 'being in tractiong.'”

Lancie blinked his granite eyes. “Nnnngh... I dunno...” He rubbed his scalp and muttered, “It was... an awful long time ago.”

“And yet you still remember it, huh?”

“Meh... I-I guess...”

“And with you, what are we talking about exactly?” Rainbow's eyes blinked. “Centuries? Millennia? That crud isn't so easy to let go, even for an immortal, huh?”

“Look—what is this, Skinner's Stable?!”

“Hehehehe—”

“Stop giggling! You're too miserable for it.”

“Don't underestimate the power of awesomeness.” With a grunt, Rainbow rolled over and hopped onto the floor, knees wobbling. “I-I take a licking and keep on ticking.”

“That's a dayum rusty pocketwatch if you ask me.” He sighed and turned away from her with folded arms. “So, what next? More incessant moping while I waste away in here, gathering dust?”

“Nope. I'm going for the shard.”

Lancie's eyes fluttered open. “Really?” He turned and squinted up at her. “Wow, that was rather quick.”

“I can't help it,” Rainbow muttered, pausing before her door. “Times like this... the best thing I can do is move.” She gulped, then shuddered. “I feel best when I'm moving.”

“And yet you never seem to do enough of it.”

“I don't pay you to be ironic.”

“Bite your tongue. You don't pay me at all!”

“Good point.”

“So, is this legit, then?” Lancie leaned his head aside. “The arc's over? We're on to the next leg of the journey?”

“Well...” Rainbow's lips curved. “There's one thing I've gotta do first.”

“Lemme guess. A shower.”

“Heh... that too.” She cleared her throat. “Something else. Something I promised...”

The next afternoon, I pushed along my scooter, turning to wave at my friends. “See ya, Sweetie Belle! See ya, Apple Bloom!”

“S'long, Scootaloo!” Apple Bloom waved from where she and Sweetie Belle marched by themselves down the country road. They shouldered their saddlebags and pressed on home. “Good luck with your research assignment!”

“Heh!” I smirked. “I'll have luck getting to it at all! I've got some moves to perfect!”

“You're hopeless, Scoots!” Sweetie giggled. “Try not to miss too much!”

“Hey! Good thing I'm such a good sport on the playground! Cheerilee will help me bounce back! You see!” I turned to face ahead with a smirk. A big blue shape dropped down in front of me. “Whoah!” I skidded hard.

Rainbow stopped me with a firm hoof. As I stopped jerking in place, I glanced up to see her glaring at me. “So...” Her eyes narrowed even further. “Is somepony thinking about skipping out on her homework assignment?!”

“Uhhhhhh...” I sweated, feeling the heart pounding in my chest. “Uhh-uhhhhh...”

“... ... ...” Slowly, that trademark smirk crossed Rainbow's muzzle. “Well, better spend it doing something awesome, then.”

I stared at her. “Mmmmmm!” I bit my lips, squeeling beneath rosy cheeks as I leaned down against the scooter's handlebars. “Gl... gl-gliding... pr-practice...?”

“C'mon, Squirt...” Rainbow lifted me off the scooter and tapped my helmet. “Better keep this on. After all, we're gonna get you to hit record speeds!”

“Wooohoooo!” I cheered, clinging to her as we soared over the gold-thatched rooftops. “You're the best, Rainbow!”

“Yeah yeah...” She winked back at me. “Don't let it get around...”

Appledashery

Rainbow Dash was falling into a pattern of things in her life. That was all well and good at the time. She'd be the first to admit that—if anything—her existence needed a certain bit of structure, especially considering the depths that she had sunk to during her flight school years.

But there comes a time when one begins depending a little too much on that pattern. When it breaks, it has devastating consequences, upsetting the tender balance that one has worked so hard to establish with much sweat and effort.

Rainbow Dash was about to learn that not everything can be impervious to the crazy chaos of life. While she would swiftly recover from the ordeal, she'd soon discover that worrying about herself was the least of her troubles.

But, no matter. This is Rainbow Dash we're talking about. Even if everything collapsed from all angles at once, there was nothing she liked more than a challenge. And... boy... was she about to get really, really challenged.

==Part Twelve: We Dug Too Deep and Wheels Were Waiting==

==Part Twelve: We Dug Too Deep and Wheels Were Waiting==

Night hung still and murky over the riverbanks of Fillydelphia. From the southwest, a petite blue figure flew in low, her mane shining in the starlight. Rainbow Dash glided over the rooftops of warehouses and factories, holding her breath as she pierced wave after wave of smoke. At last, she approached the corner of a very familiar building that stood against the banks of the city's filthy river.

Th-Thap! The mare touched down on four healthy limbs. She took a breath of relatively fresh air and trotted forward, approaching the edge of the warehouse.

"Noir...?!"

Rainbow's voice echoed across the brick and concrete.

"Hey, Noir!"

There was no response. In the distance, a freight ship's fog horn sounded off, and then was silent once more.

With a sigh, Rainbow Dash paced around the edge of the building. "Come on, Noir, I know your leafy ears can hear me, dude. I grabbed another shard. I came here to talk to you about the next one." Her hooves scuffled against the loose gravel across the ground. "You see, I know it's someplace far north, but all that's out there is desolate wilderness and mining quarries. I was wondering if maybe you knew enough about the landscape to..." She shuffled to a stop. "...help me." Her eyes blinked.

The door to the warehouse was wide open... and empty.

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash craned her neck. "Uhm... Noir?" Her fuzzy nose wriggled. She looked behind her at the empty side streets of Fillydelphia, then back at the warehouse. "Uhhhh... yoohoo... Bat Horse? I need you, pal. Now's not a good time to be as silent as the night." Gulping, Rainbow Dash crouched low and slinked forward. "Noir? Are you in there?"

Silence.

Rainbow walked up to the doorframe and peered inside. It was too dark to see down the narrow corridor, though she knew with all of the steel doors within that there wasn't much worth seeing.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," she muttered. All of the sudden, she could swear she heard a tiny sizzling noise. Sniffing, she detected the scent of gun powder. She glanced down, and her eyes twitched.

A cluster of blood-red dynamite sticks clung to the inside of the building's corridor, and its sparkling fuse was burning up.

"A super bad feeling!" Rainbow's voice cracked. In an instant, she spun and flapped her wings--

KAPOWWWW!

"Aaaaaugh!" Rainbow shrieked as the sheer burst of the blast sent her flying for several feet. She screamed something else, but she couldn't hear her voice from the intense thunder of the explosion. High above her, chunks of concrete and aluminum went flying sky high. The entire industrial district lit up with bright orange flame as what was once the warehouse erupted in a gigantic, burning plume. "Ooof!" Rainbow finally struck the ground, rolling to a stop and grunting in pain. She looked up, squinting, and gasped. "Noir?! Noir!"

Several hundred feet way from the explosion--as well as Rainbow's shrieking figure--several stallions were hidden behind a parked wagon. They peered through binoculars and spyglasses, admiring the flame's devastation.

"Whew! That's gonna make one hell of a tax write-off!"

"Feels like old times. But still--how do we know that the freaky stallion bit it?!"

"Gentlecolts, use your heads for a second," hissed a cold, leering voice. Romulus emerged beside the group of surly stallions, peering with his one good eye at the blaze. "The Sarosian was not our target."

The mobsters glanced at him. "He wasn't?"

"No..." Romulus smirked beneath his beak and pointed with a razor-sharp talon. "She is."

"Hey! You're right! It's that dame!"

"The Duchess from Manehattan!"

"Idiots!" Romulus snarled. "The 'Awesometopia' story was simple misdirection. That's why your illustrious Don Canter has gone nowhere in tracking her down!"

"And lemme guess; you can get her to sing?"

"Oh, she'll tell us where the shards are, alright..." Chiiing! Romulus brandished his talons as he flew out from hiding. "...if she values her inner organs. Follow me, gentlecolts..."

Part Twelve: We Dug Too Deep and Wheels Were Waiting
(Where Rainbow Can't Even Pinch Herself to Stop the Insanity)

Cool Mares Don't Look at Explosions

"Guhh! Ugh!" Rainbow Dash stood up, wincing. The ends of her mane were singed and she felt a tingling pain in her extremities. Nevertheless, she bravely stared into the blazing inferno that was left of the warehouse. "Noir! Speak to me, buddy! It would be so not cool to be a burning crisp right now!"

All that answered her was the wind-whipping noise of the persistent flame.

The mare hissed under her teeth. "A thousand 'dang its'!" She spun and gazed across the fire-lit warehouse district. "Who in the buck decided to play pyro?!" She blinked, her muzzle paling at a disturbing thought. "Ahhh poopsicle." She gulped. "This... th-this must mean--"

Just then, she heard a moaning sound from inside the flames.

With a gasp, Rainbow spun and shouted into the fire. "Noir?! Noir!"

Some of the smoke cleared. Rainbow could see that a portion of the building's first level had survived the blast. The flame was too bright for her to clearly see down the flickering interior, but she could have sworn she saw a twitching shadow. Once more, the moan resounded.

"Ah jeez ah jeez ah jeez..." Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, her ears folding back. "Well... you only melt once." Gritting her teeth, she took a running start, leapt, and flew--yelling--through the separate tongues of flame. In the midst of her heroic dive, she was ignorant of a griffon figure flying up from a distance.

Romulus hovered to a stop, shielding his feathery face from the flame and wincing. "For Tartarus' sake! Sh-she can't be serious...!"

FWOOOSH!

Rainbow flew in and skidded to a stop, her wings trailing with smoke and ashes. She stood on a patch of concrete, wheezing and coughing for breath. Crouching low, she crawled beneath the smoke, navigating a labyrinth of collapsed steel and brick.

"Nnnngh... Noir?!" Panting, she darted left and right, ruby eyes squinting across the burning wreckage. "Noir, where are you buddy?!" A patch of rooftop shifted to her left, billowing with flame. "Augh!" She shielded herself, sweating and wincing. "I-I'm willing to bet I know who did this, and if you wanna beat me up for it--you can do so, but later, okay?! I gotta find you!"

"Guh... R-Rainbow... Dash..."

Rainbow spun her head in the direction of the moan. The mare gasped instantly. "Dude!"

Swiiish! She glided over to where a bruised, bloody shape lay. The stallion had his eyes clenched shut. His legs curled to his chest as he coughed and heaved.

"Noir! You're alive!" Rainbow Dash sputtered. She looked closely at the stallion's battered body. "Oye... your left leg doesn't look so good, and neither does that wing..."

"They... th-they were too many," he wheezed. "Manehattan mafia. The ambushed me..."

"Yeah, well, you're a handsome enough guy, it's a wonder you didn't get glomped before." Rainbow Dash looked all around, surveying the interior. "Okay, I think there's a path that c-can take us out of this mess. Do you think you can walk?"

"I... w-was a fool," he exhaled, wincing. "Thought... th-thought they were my agent..."

"Your agent?!"

"From within... the agent of the Lunar C-Code..."

"I've no clue what in the McFuzz you're talking about..." Another part of the ceiling collapsed over them. Rainbow winced, then grasped Noir's body. "But I know that I gotta get you out of here, buddy!"

"They... th-they'll be waiting for us outside--"

"I don't care! I can't just leave you here!" Rainbow Dash hoisted his body over her spine. "Nnnnngh! Zecora, d-don't fail me now!"

"Aaugh--Aaaah!" Noir yelped in pain.

"Sorry, pal! No time to be gentle!"

"New Saros..." Noir wheezed. "It's... it's..."

"Huh?!"

"New Saros..."

"Hey! Good idea!" Rainbow grinned, spinning about. "If that portal to your moon fart dimension thingy is open, then we can totally get out of here--"

"No, you d-don't understand," Noir trembled to say. "The door is unstable. The mirror..."

"Huh?" Just then, Rainbow heard a disturbingly otherworldly ringing sound. She turned around.

Beyond a heap of burning wreckage, she saw the hint of a distorted indigo mirror. The magical structure was buckling, and the trans-dimensional energy was rippling out of it at an exponential rate.

"Uhhhhh..."

"Our bodies will..." Noir lost consciousness, stammering a few final words before giving in to pained slumber. "... not s-survive the temporal inversion..."

"'Temporal inversion' is about the unsexiest thing I've ever heard..."

Vrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm--! The collapsing portal pulsed brightly.

"Awwwwwwww snap..." Rainbow twirled and spread her wings. "Hold on tight, Noir!"

FLASSSSSSH! The mirror collapsed into a singularity. A finite point of indigo light bubbled inward, sucking in entire planks of steel and lengths of crumbled brick.

Rainbow Dash flew as swiftly as she could, and yet she sensed that she was hovering in one place. Her eyes darted left and right in a panic, spotting waves of debris flying past her and into the anomaly at her rear. Slowly, she felt herself being pulled back into the ruptured portal, and it strained at the roots of her feathers. When she growled, she heard the eerie echo of her own voice reverberating behind her.

The ceiling gave way, splitting in two. Giant swaths of metal junk hurled their way at Rainbow. She held onto Noir tight while spinning to the left--then the right. She barely skimmed past the chunks of debris as they were swiftly sucked into the singularity. Next, plumes of flame billowed into the portal. The fire turned into a bright orange cyclone that whipped up and down, nearly singeing Rainbow with every twist of the horizontal tornado.

"Come on... move... move!" Rainbow hissed. To her joy, she started gaining distance, drifting forward. "Yeah! Oh yeah! Suck on that, astrophysics! You ain't got nothing on Rainbow Professionalism Gravity Defying Danger Dash--" Suddenly, the entire chamber flashed indigo. She surged forward as she sensed an energy discharge directly behind her. "Hoboy..."

Romulus squinted his one good eye into the blaze.

Three of Don Canter's stallions marched up, armed with clubs and knives.

"What's the deal, ya spruced up death pigeon?!" one barked. "You flying in after her or what?!"

"Wait!" Romulus insisted, hissing. "Shhhh!" He blinked. "Something isn't right..." He sensed a bright pulse of indigo light from within. The griffon sweated. "Awwwwww sh--"

POWWWW! The warehouse exploded louder than before. Chunks of roof and steel reinforcement were flung for miles. A rippling shockwave billowed from the epicenter, knocking every criminal off their hooves and sending them sailing across the street. Romulus struggled to fly upright before being slammed against the side of a wagon. He fell to the ground with a grunt while the warehouse district echoed with the collapse of concrete chunks.

As the noise and chaos settled, the faint sound of sirens could be heard in the distance. Don Canter's stallions struggled to their hooves, grunting and moaning in pain.

Several meters away...

"Woomfa..." Rainbow Dash crawled to her hooves, gritting her teeth. She shook dust and fiberglass off her fuzzy blue body with a sigh. Silently, she crawled over to where Noir's body lay--shuddering. "Hey... hey Noir!" She shook his shoulder. "I think I just survived Ragneighrok. You?"

"Owieeeeee..." the stallion murmured in a slurring tone.

"Whelp, that works for me." Rainbow heard shouting voices behind her. Taking a deep breath, she hoisted Noir yet again over her body and spread her wings. "Well, bad news, buddy. We just lost the back door to your moon hutt. Now I gotta find you a new safe house. And quick!" With a running start, she lifted off and glided across the filthy river that divided Fillydelphia.

From below, Romulus stood up, getting his bearings. He shook his feathery head, then glanced up. His eye widened upon seeing the runaway pegasus. "Oh no..." He sneered, spreading his wings and shooting skyward like a bullet. "Not this time, you stupid pony. Your blood is mine!"

Fwoooosh!

City of Brotherly Shambles

“Noir... Noir?!” Rainbow Dash winced, crawling across the paved street which was littered all around her with the smoldering ruins of the exploded warehouse. “Noir, say something! Move! Do the cha-cha!” She shook the sarosian stallion, her voice cracking. “Anything!”

“Mmmnngh...” He stirred slightly, his eyes clenched as his muzzle grimaced. “Guh... invaders, Y-your Majesty...”

“Ah jeez...” Rainbow clenched her teeth. “This is totally not good.” She gulped. “Or else, if I actually am Princess Luna, then I've lost a buck-ton of weight.”

Her ears twitched. She heard the wind splitting from afar. She turned to look through the smoke and haze. Rainbow saw the glint of razor sharp talons, followed by a single reflective eye.

“Dr. Crudenstein!” She sneered, holding Noir close as she pressed the two of them to the concrete. “How in the name of saddle sores did that creep find me?!” She gulped. “Of course. He's been here before. Shoot!... he blew up Noir's HQ to get at me!”

Romulus glided closer on ghostly feathers. He was close enough to smell. Thinking quick, Rainbow dragged herself and Noir into a tiny niche under a fallen clump of rubble. She inadvertently rubbed one of Noir's bruises the wrong way, and the stallion groaned in pain. She immediately slapped a fetlock over his mouth to silence him.

“...!” Romulus' feathery head spun like an owl's. His one good eye darted left... then right. “... ... ...” He turned forward and hovered over the rubble, peering into the still-burning mess.

Rainbow Dash was sweating from the heat and suffocating smoke. Slowly, she scuffled backwards on her rear haunches, dragging Noir along with her. All of the sudden, she heard an alarming crack!. Looking straight above, she spotted a fissure having formed down the thick of the structure resting directly overhead. The chunk of rubble began buckling.

“Hnntt!” Rainbow gripped Noir and flapped her wings hard. Together, the two barreled out into the open—

CRKKK! The piece of the warehouse collapsed.

Chiiiing! Dual daggers unsheathed, Romulus spun and squinted at the source of the noise. He saw a plume of ashen dust rising up, joining with the smoke. His beak clattered as he leaned forward. As the dust settled, he saw a clean swath of air cut through the smoke, heading straight towards the river.

“Why, that damned horse!” Romulus sneered and flew after the trail, his wings slicing through the air with a menacing whistle.

Several yards ahead, Rainbow Dash panted, coasting over the murky river at a low altitude. She gripped Noir's body tightly beneath her, struggling to maintain both their weight and fly evenly at the same time. After half a minute, her limbs wobbled. Noir slipped a bit, his lower body breaking the river current and sending a spray of water in opposite directions.

“Crud muffins!” Rainbow hissed, flapping her wings harder and lifting until the both of them were dry. “Just keep going, Rainbow. Just keep going. You're the fastest pony alive.” She gulped and took a daring glance behind her. “You can definitely outrun a murderous death griffon—”

P-Pow! Pow! Muzzle flashes lit up across the river, sending bullets whizzing past Rainbow's ears.

“Gaaah! But not bullets!” She seathed, weaving left and right while Noir swayed in her grip. “Friggin' mafia stallions! He's working with them, isn't he?! Dang it!”

Behind her, Romulus growled, twirling to avoid the lead shot. He spun, flying backwards and hollering, “Stop shooting, you idots! I've got her!”

“What did that bird-brain say?!” one hitstallion grunted to another as they reloaded their rifles along the riverfront.

“Beats the Tartarus out of me. Keep firing! He can fish her body out of the river for all I care!”

“Let her have it!” Pow!

Pow! P-Pow!

Romulus flew up high, grumbling. “Amateurs. I'll just have to get the air advantage.” Straightening his feathers, he performed a steady glide, staring down with one good hawkeye. His expert vision detected the pegasus' movement, singling it apart from the constant ripple of moonlight against the dark waters of the Fillydelphia river. The mare was moving fast, but not fast enough. The weight of the body in her grasp was slowing her down, even as she approached a line of factories on the opposite bank.

“Hmmm... so the bat-pony survived as well...” Romulus licked his beak. “Not for long...” He flapped, flapped some more, then angled his body forty-five degrees to sea level like a living arrowhead. The wind howled around him as he sliced his way earthward, dive bombing toward the exhausted pony.

Even in his high velocity plunge, he could see the mare ascending, then flying over a patch of smoldering smokestacks.

“I have you now...” He grinned under his beak. Schiiing! He unsheathed his daggers once more and sharpened his angle of descent, plummeting like a razor-sharp anvil through the smoke...

...only to come bursting through empty-talon'd on the other side. There was no pony flesh to be shredded apart, and Romulus had to pull up within milliseconds to avoid turning into a splatter of poultry against the factory rooftop. He barreled sideways, grunting, and hovered upright. Breathless, the griffon looked all around. His one eye widened.

“Where is she?!”

The mare was gone.

“Where in the Hell did she fly off to?!” He snarled louder and louder, kicking at a factory window with his talon, sending shards of glass falling to the floor. “Grnnnngh! This is absurd! What's that damned pony made of?!”

As his angry breaths simmered down, he heard the distant sound of police sirens. Hovering higher, he peered across the river to see flashing lights gathering around the smoldering remains of Noir's warehouse. From afar, Romulus could make out the shadowed figures of Don Canter's stallions rushing off into the shadows and making themselves scarce.

“Hrmmmm...” Romulus spun about, glancing towards the northwest section of the industrial district. “She has to be around here somewhere! I'm not giving up on this one. She's dead meat!” He soared off with a burst of air.

High above, the smog from the nearby factory's smokestacks lifted up, up, up into the air. The smoldery columns collected to form a dark-black cloudbed that drifted miserably over the industrial district. It was here—with a high-pitched gasp—that Rainbow Dash finally emerged, having slowly ridden the vertical column of smoke to freedom.

She had barely caught her breath when she reached deep into the smog and pulled Noir's upper body out from the depths of the black, black haze. He sputtered and wheezed for clean air.

“Good,” she stammered. “At least we know you're breathing.” Resting her pegasus body back against the smoke bed, she floated with Noir, blending effortlessly with the dark gloss of night. “Let's j-just chill here for a while.” She gulped. “Sorry for the fumes, buddy, but it was the only way to throw that buzzard off.” She glanced over the river at the police wagons gathering around the exploded warehouse. “What are the odds that Don Canter has half of this stinkin' city in his bit bag?”

“Gnngh... New Saros...” Noir wheezed. “The shards... I-I... I couldn't...”

“Shhhh... easy,” Rainbow said, squeezing his shoulders. “Rest up. You ain't the Gary Stu of this story.” She gazed up at the stars, shivering slightly. “I gotta get you someplace safe... and then healed up. But where? And more importantly, who?” She clenched her eyes shut. “Come on, Dash, think... think.”

A beat.

Rainbow's eyes reopened, and her ears folded. “Unnnnnngh... It could work. But the sucky part is just how how well it could work.” A deep sigh. “Still, it's the safest thing to do...”

Rainbow held Noir tightly. After fifteen minutes and no sign of Romulus, she braved a leap off the smog cloud. Flying as quickly as her wings could carry the two of them, she shot her way southwest, leaving Fillydelphia proper and darting dangerously into the country...

Dial Z for Zebra

Her dark fetlocks dug and dug at the ground. Finally, after a deep enough trough had been carved, Zecora lowered her muzzle and deposited a smattering of seeds. Smiling to herself, Zecora covered the patch of Everfree soil back up. She then turned around and trotted towards her hut, grasping a pitcher of water in her teeth.

Right as the zebra spun around, a bright blue blur landed from the sky, slamming into the ground that she was about to water. Th-Thud!

“Mrmmmfff!” Zecora's eyes bulged. She jumped back, dropping the pitcher with a violent splash. “By the shadows, Rainbow!” She panted and panted, a hoof over her beating chest. “You gave my breath quite a go!”

“Zecora, I'm sorry!” Rainbow squeaked, breathless herself. She gulped and stammered, “But there's a huge friggin' emergency and I need your expertise really, really, really badly!”

“Please, sl-slow down, my friend.” Zecora gulped and leaned forward. “On what skill of mine do you depend?”

“Your super awesome zebra medical fixer-upper skills!”

“But Rainbow Dash!” Zecora squinted. “You do not appear to be suffering either a bruise or a rash!”

“It's not me! It's somepony else! A friend of mine!” Rainbow leaned forward. “Please, Zecora! You're the only one who I know can totally help out!”

“Very well, then. Please, you must not dismay!” Zecora dashed into the hut. “Let me just grab my personal effects and I'll be on my way!”

Zecora was in and out of her hut in a flash. She hobbled out into the open, fussing with the straps of her bulging saddlebags. At last, she skidded to a stop in front of Rainbow.

“Alas, who is in need of my care?! Twilight? Applejack? Another mare?”

“Actually, we're not going to Ponyville.”

“Then somepony is injured inside Everfree?!” Zecora took a deep breath. “Show me the way and I'll follow swiftly!”

“I'm sorry, Zecora.” Rainbow Dash reached over and grasped the zebra's shoulders. “But this is going to require a little bit of wind in your mane.”

“Rainbow, precisely what do you meaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan—?!” Zecora shrieked in an uncharacteristically high voice as she was hoisted off the ground and flown speedily over the treetops of Everfree Forest. Her striped legs did nervous little hoof-kicks as Rainbow soared the two of them past the uneven canopy, down a winding ravine, and over rampaging river rapids.

Ten minutes later, under the haze of a lazy afternoon, Rainbow touched the two of them down onto an isolated plateau of rock in the center of the forest.

“Zecora...?” Rainbow shook the mare. “Zecora?! It's okay! We're here!”

“Guh...” The zebra opened one eye after another. Her body still shivered with tense spasms. “Great bubbling broth! I felt like my stripes would fly off!”

“Sorry, girl. I-I suppose I should have given you a bit of a warning before I grabbed you...”

“Honestly, I had no inclination that flight involved such exhiliration!” Zecora wobbled on her hooves. “How you accomplish such a constant velocity is leaps and bounds beyond me!”

“I'll gladly talk Flight 101 with you another time. Right now, I really-really need your help.”

“Well, Rainbow, just point and click and I'll put my skills to the quick—” Zecora took one look at the structure ahead of them and gasped intensely. “Sun bloated buffalo blisters! The Castle of the Royal Sisters!”

“Wow... didn't think you'd actually recognize it,” Rainbow said, galloping towards the decrepit front gate of the delapidated castle. The gray stone walls of the crumbled structure were stained over with mildew and entangled in vines. A ghostly howl of wind flew through the vacious interior, blowing at Rainbow's bangs as she spun and glanced back at the zebra. “Look, I know it isn't exactly Ponyville Medical, but it's the only place I could risk taking him where he'd be safe.”

“'Him?!'” Zecora trotted nervously forward. “Rainbow Dash, this is very strange. Just what kind of a situation have you arranged?”

“There's no time! He needs your expertise!” Rainbow motioned. “Follow me! We gotta hurry!”

As Rainbow Dash galloped inside, Zecora swiftly followed suit. The zebra followed her into the spacious grand hall of the castle, lined with tattered banners and tapestries. There—positioned at the top of a flight of steps before the ancient throne—was a squirming stallion with a midnight-black coat. Noir writhed in pain, his leather wings twitching.

“Shadows, sp-spare me!” Zecora gasped. “Is that a sarosian that I see?!”

“Good! You know about them?!” Rainbow asked.

Zecora gulped. “Only in legend, my feathered friend. Of their kind, I have only read. But this is a real rush to the h-head!”

“You think you know enough to fix this guy up?!” Rainbow asked, grimacing as she crouched by his side. “He's suffering multiple burns and bruises. But something else is wrong with him! Maybe on the inside!” She gulped. “He didn't seem to like the sunlight much, so I made sure to keep him inside where it's dark.”

“That's because darkness is best kin to a sarosian's sensitive skin!” Zecora knelt beside the stallion, leaning in to examine his injuries. “He's suffered great trauma, I fear. Exactly what dire straits brought him here?!”

“Well, I flew him here,” Rainbow Dash said. “Right after hoisting him from an exploding building—”

“An exploding building, Rainbow Dash?!” Zecora's muzzle dropped. “How could you have gotten entangled in something so brash?!”

Rainbow was already wincing. “And I-I think some nasty griffon may have roughed him up, th-though I can't tell from looking at his bruises—”

“Rainbow, answer the question! What kind of danger have you been entangled in?!”

“Zecora, please...” Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. “One thing at a time. You can chew my head off all you like, but first... he needs you. Can you fix him?”

Zecora took a deep breath. She unstrapped her saddlebag and began unloading the items within. “His lungs are in a constant case of collapse. I believe he's been exposed to some sort of toxic gas.”

“Whoah... you already figured that out?!”

“Rainbow, please, if you want him healed then I need you to keep your eyes peeled.” Zecora whipped out a patch of paper and scribbled several words on it. “Mrmmff... here...”

“Wh-what's this?”

“A list of ingredients you must find to assist in restoring your companion's heart, body, and mind.”

“S-sure thing!” Rainbow Dash was already flapping her wings. “These descriptions all sound like plants and flowers.”

“Yes, across Everfree you will find what I need.” Zecora mixed a few potions and poured it all into a bowl, creating a column of purple steam. “Find every root, graft, and seed.”

“S-Sure thing.”

“And Rainbow...?”

The pegasus froze in mid-flight. She spun and glanced down. “Y-yeah, Zecora?”

“After we've delivered your friend from his deathly brush, you and I will have a great deal to discuss.”

Rainbow gulped. “I kinda sorta figured that.”

“No go; be swift. Meanwhile, his spirits I will attempt to lift.”

Gritting her teeth, Rainbow sped out of the castle and began blazing her way through the forests of Everfree...

ZZ Top That

Three hours later, Rainbow Dash paced high above the throne room with flapping wings. She chewed on the edges of her lip, nervously, as her eyes darted across the dark-lit tapestries and frescoes of the ancient castle.

At long last, she heard a gasping voice from below. Alarmed, she flew down and stood behind Zecora. “Is he...?!”

“He will be find, nervous friend of mine.” Zecora bore a tired smile, wrapping the last of several bandages around Noir's chest and shoulders. “The damaged he's sustained I have been able to maintain. I've administered a brew that will make him good as new.”

“Whewwwwww...” Rainbow Dash exhaled, both her ears and wings drooping. “That's so... you're...” She looked up with a tired expression. “Awesome, Zecora. That's simply what you are, girl.”

“Hmmmm... so I've been told. Though little did I expect to fit your mold.”

“Mmmmnngh...” Noir grimaced, his clenched eyes twitching beneath his velvet lids. “That accent. It's Zebraharan...”

“Ah yes, a sarosian is a master of sound.” Zecora smirked. “For a night pony, you've certainly gotten around.”

“A shaman...” Noir hissed. “Did... did you heal me?”

“Indeed, I have done much to restore your health. But it was Rainbow Dash who brought you here all by herself.”

“Rainbow Dash...” Noir's muzzle curved. “So... it w-was you in Fillydelphia...”

“Totally, bro,” Rainbow Dash spoke up.

“Rainbow...” The sarosian's eyes squinted open, but immediately regretted it. As dim as it was inside, the barest hint of daylight was torturous to the stallion. “Guh... wh-where are we?”

“The Castle of the Royal Sisters.”

“You mean from before the Lunar Exile?” Noir writhed. “Guh... that's... that's in Everfree!”

“Well, I had to get you somewhere far away, dude,” Rainbow said. “Romulus turned on you. He was bound to track—”

“I know,” Noir grunted. “I only wish I had seen it coming. The griffon had... h-had help. Stallions—many of them. By their accent, I'd say Manehattanites...”

“I'm pretty sure I know who they are,” Rainbow muttered. “Thugs of Don Canter.”

“Don C-canter?!” Noir sputtered. “The Neigh York crime boss?”

“Hey, you know your modern history!”

“How in the name of Saros did they become entangled with Romulus?!” Noir wheezed. “Enough to stage a raid on the moon gate?!”

“I... uh...” Rainbow fidgeted where she stood. “I might know a thing or two about that.”

“You... y-you do?” Noir writhed and moaned.

“Noir...?!” Rainbow leaned forward.

A striped forelimb graced Rainbow's shoulder. “Rainbow, that is enough. His pains are healing, but still rough. I suggest we leave him to mend in bed, and carry on the coversation between you and me instead.”

“Errr... yeah...” Rainbow gulped as Zecora led her out of the chamber. “Right.” Nevertheless, she called back across the echoing throneroom. “Just hang tight, Noir! You're safe here! Zecora and I are gonna go... do some girl talk, 'kay?”

Noir lay by himself on a bundle of blankets. He curled up, breathing evenly. “Zecora...” His midnight brow furrowed. “...certainly...” A yawn. “...an exotic name...”

Zecora and Rainbow came out onto a balcony overlooking the golden sunset across the Everfree canopy.

“At the risk of sounding irascible, I do believe I deserve a mouthful,” Zecora said.

“Nnnngh...” Rainbow hovered above the zebra. “Look, Zecora, he owes his life to you. I-I can't even pretend to tell you just how much of a life-saver you've been today.”

“You can most certainly try.” Zecora's eyes narrowed. “My itinerary today is completely dry.”

“You see, Noir is...” Rainbow fidgeted. “Something of a business partner, and—”

“Rainbow, we are very close friends, yes?” Zecora frowned. “Being perfectly honest with me would be best. I have remained ignorant of your activities for quite some time. But, given the circumstances, the truth right now would be quite sublime.”

Rainbow Dash bit her lip.

Zecora took a deep breath. “Must secrecy continue to be your crutch? Tell me the truth; I think I deserve that much.”

At last, Rainbow sighed, her body hanging off her wings. “...Zecora, for some time now, I've been tasked with collecting a bunch of magical artifacts.”

Zecora cocked her head to the side. “Is that so? What kind of artifacts—do you know?”

“The kind of things that—when all gathered together—could mean some really bad juju in the hooves of the wrong pony.” Rainbow gulped. “As a matter of fact, even broken apart and shattered, these shards can prove dangerous to the world at large! Why, just a few weeks ago, when I raided the Diamond Dog slave camp—”

“Wait...” Zecora's pupils shrank as her muzzle fell agape. “Do you refer to the pack of canine knaves who were beaten and robbed of all their slaves?!”

“Uhm... you h-heard about it?”

“Rainbow, exactly where have you been?!” Zecora exclaimed. “Even an outsider such as myself has caught up with the latest news trend!” The zebra pointed in the vague direction of Ponyville. “Every mare and stallion in town has much concerning that tale to expound! The ultimate tragedy of that tale, of course, is that the hero of those slaves was lost with great remorse!”

Rainbow avoided Zecora's gaze with a bashful smirk.

Zecora fell back on her haunches, stammering, “It was you?! Can this be true?”

“And it was me in Manehattan at Photo Finish's studio,” Rainbow said. “And also me waaaaaay back in Granite Mountain—though that really doesn't count, now that I think about it.”

“Rainbow Dash, you crazy mare! About your well-being, do you simply not care?!”

“Look, I don't want this to get around—”

“Why not?! All this danger you've wrought—”

“You're right! I'm in it deep! Deep and dangerous!” Rainbow exclaimed. “But, the truth is, I don't want to get anypony involved! Not the girls! Not the citizens of Ponyville!” She gulped. “And certainly not you. I... uh... I-I brought you and Noir here in this super secret place because I knew that you'd be able to patch him up without anypony noticing. But otherwise, you'd never have gotten involved. Ya feel me?”

“Rainbow Dash, is there really such a need for this insanity?” Zecora squinted. “Don't you have the aid of the Elements of Harmony?”

“I don't think Harmony would help much in this case,” Rainbow said. “These artifacts—these shards I'm collecting.” She gulped. “They're... uh... chaotic in nature.”

“Chaos, so you say?” Zecora rubbed her chin in thought. “I can certainly understand your dismay. That is certainly a very ancient force. Even still, I suspect harmony would throw it off course.”

“I'm not trying to throw it off course,” Rainbow said. “I'm trying to find the shards, not lose them!”

“What for?”

“So I can harness the chaos for something good instead of—y'know—super bad.”

“Rainbow...” Zecora frowned. “Chaos is nothing to laugh about! I fear you are traversing a disastorous route!”

“Oh yeah?” Rainbow folded her forelimbs with a proud smirk. “How do you think I got so many slaves freed from the diamond dogs?! How do you think I was able to heal Photo Finish from her sickness overnight?!”

“These... I'm afraid that th-these details are mostly lost to me.” Zecora leaned forward. “Are you're saying that chaos can be used in a way other than malevolently?”

“Better believe it, girl,” Rainbow said. “And before you ask—no—it hasn't been easy to track these artifacts down and grab them before other ponies. I've run into a lot of nasty-nasties along the way. Nothing I can't handle... well...” She flexed a forelimb for emphasis, smiling. “Thanks to you...”

“All this time...” Zecora gulped. “You've been using my brew to tackle that which other ponies would be t-too afraid to?!”

“And doing my deliveries and cloud-kicking and giving Scootaloo flight lessons!” Rainbow shrugged with a smile. “Y'see, Zecora?! I'm still your friendly neighborhood Rainbow Dash! I just... k-kinda sorta got this secret adventure shtick on the side.”

“But, whatever for?”

“Think about it...” Rainbow smirked. “Who else would be totally into this sort of a thing?” She gulped. “Much less throw herself into it without complaining.”

Zecora sighed heavily. “I still fail to see the need for secrecy. You should utilize your allies in harmony.”

“If it comes to that, I just might,” Rainbow said. “Just like I've... y'know... utilized you.” She held her hooves together. “Thank you, by the way. For real, Zecora. Noir owes his life to your medical skills.”

Zecora motioned into the castle with her head. “Exactly how does the night stallion fit into this situation?” the zebra asked. “Sarosians very rarely allow public or private visitations.”

“When it comes to chaos, Noir's the guy,” Rainbow said. “He's part of a league of ponies who follow the 'Lunar Code.'”

“In honor of Princess, if I am to guess?”

“Yes. The Luna Brigade, basically.” Rainbow nodded. “Bunch of secret fuzzy night ponies with secret fuzzy ears doing secret fuzzy things for a fuzzy world.”

“And he has aided you?”

“Zecora, he trusts me.” Rainbow grinned. “Just like you do.” She leaned forward. “Riiiiight?”

“Nnnngh...” Zecora rubbed her brow with her hoof. “Rainbow, I swear, you will be the death of me. A situation like this can only end in catastrophe.”

“Now, that's not the optimistic zebra that I know and love!” Rainbow swooped down and wrapped a forelimb around her shoulder. “For realsies—in all of your days of being a shaman, have you not taken risks to make sure the world was safer from ailments and baddies?”

Zecora gulped. “Well, most assuredly I have, but—”

“Well, I'm doing the same thing here!” Rainbow chirped. “Even if I'm sometimes going backwards about it. Either way—believe me—the rest of my friends are better off not getting involved. Heck, even you don't have to get involved. We can pretend that this is a one-time thing and let it go, r-right?”

“Rainbow Dash, I most certainly cannot let this go,” Zecora said with a glaring expression. “I have a great responsibility now that I know.”

“I have no intention of yanking you any deeper into my mess,” Rainbow said. “You've saved Noir's life, and that's totally cool. But the last thing I wanna do is bring stupid craziness to your doorstep. That's why I brought the both of you here to the ancient castle—”

“Rainbow, I am to assume that your chaotic quest has an ultimate goal?” Zecora squinted. “Then you'll need all you can get to tackle your challenges as a whole. If you had gotten Twilight or Fluttershy involved—or a pony of any other name name, wouldn't it not be the absolute same?”

Rainbow Dash sighed. She smiled tiredly. “You're right. Jee, Zecora, I'm sorry—”

“Please, Rainbow, don't be,” the zebra insisted. “This is matter of importance, obviously. If you continued to struggle on your lonesome, who knows what fate you'd suffer most gruesome.”

“I-I've got it covered... m-mostly.”

“Would Noir agree with your security?” Zecora smirked. “Hmmm?”

Rainbow bowed her head, groaning inwardly.

“I am not one to downplay your bravery,” Zecora said, touching Rainbow's shoulder. “But it need not depend purely on insanity. I'm honored that you chose me to intervene, but to abandon you now would be unbelievably mean. Face it, Rainbow Dash, in one way or another we are part of this infernal quest together.”

“Yeah, well...” Rainbow glared up at her. “You can do your part from your hut. I'm totally not stringing you along on some wild chase.”

“Quite frankly, nor would I wish to risk my skin,” Zecora said with a chuckle. “But I'll still assist you in whatever pursuit you're in.”

“Yeah... yeah, okay.”

“While we're on the subject, just what is the next leg of your gambit?”

Rainbow stared up at the hazy sky, her muzzle scrunched. “Y'know... that's a darn good question..."

Her Noir to Bear

Rainbow trotted quietly towards where Noir lay. Nighttime had fallen outside the castle, and the sarosian breathed with greater comfort in the darkness.

“Rainbow Dash...” The stallion gulped. “You've returned...”

“In a way, I never left, dude.” Rainbow sat down beside the bandaged pony. “And if you're about to freak out over your wounds, don't. Zecora's gonna look after you for a while. She just only briefly left for her hut to grab a bunch of things. She'll be back shortly.”

“And... and then you?”

“Me?” Rainbow smirked. “Well, I've still got a shard to find.”

“I...” Noir grimaced from his wounds. “I can't believe you're still dedicated to the hunt.”

“Why not? I'm awesome!”

“But the stakes now are so m-much higher.” He wheezed. “All things considered, you should never even have gotten involved.”

“Yeah, well, you're not the only one in it deep. Besides...” Rainbow squirmed. “I-I'm kinda sorta responsible for what happened to you.”

“In what way?”

“Isn't it obvious?” Rainbow muttered. “I brushed Romulus the wrong way and now he's got a bunch of scarred stallions serving a fat criminal on his side.”

“It was Romulus' own decision to betray the Lunar Code,” Noir said. “Not yours. If anypony's to blame, it is myself for putting so much trust in him. After all, he is a sociopathic bounty hunter, not to mention a griffon of extremely surly contentment.”

“Yeah, well, birds of a feather about-face together... or something.”

“I don't understand his motives, though.” Noir's slitted amber eyes opened. “By allying himself with common thugs, he's popularized the nature of his chaotic pursuits.”

“Yeah, so?”

“I cannot imagine what he would have to gain from such partners. Surely, they could pay him—but not as handsomely as other ancient parties who would undoubtedly be interested in gathering the shards.”

“You mean like Big Boss?”

“Aatxe, yes.” Noir nodded. “He could most certainly spare some of the hoard in his lair. Even a tiny claw-ful of golden treasures would be enough to set a mercenary like Romulus for life.”

“Well, I threw him off pretty nicely in Fillydelphia,” Rainbow said. “And nopony in Manehattan—aside from maybe two business associates of mine—know that I'm from Ponyville.”

“Either of them connected with the mafia?”

“Actually...” Rainbow Dash opened her muzzle to speak, then blanched. Her face paled slightly as her ears drooped. “Ah jeez. Could they g-get to Filthy Rich?”

“Who?”

“No... no no no...” Rainbow straightened her bangs, thinking aloud. “None of them heard my conversations with the stallion. They... they could only know about 'Firefly,' and she was a total cover-up. I was f-fooling anypony! Unless they intend to interrogate everypony who was at the studio...”

“Rainbow Dash, I don't know if I've emphasized this properly or not, but...” Noir gulped and continued, “You really shouldn't be involved in this search. You are but a normal citizen—”

“Don't you mean an awesome citizen?!” Rainbow Dash grinned proudly. “One who's single-hoofedly collected more shards than anypony else who pretends to follow the Lunar Code?!”

Noir's nostrils flared. “Even still, you could very well be putting your friends in grave danger. Your companion, this... shaman named Zecora—”

“She's safe. You're safe.” Rainbow Dash gestured. “You've got the whole friggin' Everfree Forest giving you guys cover! It's okay! Nopony with a scarred face or beak will ever find out that I live in Ponyville!” She gulped and patted the stallion's shoulder. “Or that you—y'know—still live.”

“Ow!” he winced.

She withdrew, smiling sheepishly. “S-sorry...”

“No, it's okay...” Noir sighed. “You did save my life, after all.”

“Yeah, well...” Rainbow flapped her wings and paced in the air. “Too bad I was too late to save your warehouse... and your moon gate.”

“You've hardly sacrificed the Lunar Code's access to New Saros,” Noir said. “There are many more gates just like it.”

Rainbow spun to face him, blinking. “There are?! Where?”

“Scattered all over the world,” Noir explained. “Hidden in secret. We've been serving Luna for millennia, Rainbow Dash. In that time, we've battled forces far worse than the kind who committed their cowardly attack in Fillydelphia just now. We're more than prepared for whatever might await us.”

“Yeah... but—like—there are so few of you.”

“An unfortunate consequence of our patron alicorn's thousand year exile,” the sarosian said. “But, in spite of that, we've made key alliances all the same. One such agent I have sent far north to scavenge for the shard.”

“Whoah wait what?!” Rainbow did a double-take.

“We had met no less than two hours before the explosion happened,” Noir exclaimed. “It was fate that I was able to send her on her way before disaster struck.”

“Noir, no offense, but I'm a little bit wary of your choice in 'allies.'” She gestured to herself. “Present company excluded, can you really trust someone else after Romulus has so royally moon-humped you?!”

“This agent, I most certainly can,” Noir said. “She's sacrificed more than her own well-being on multiple occasions, and her tracking skills are impeccable.”

“But—”

“The shard is located due north, among the arid mountains, is it not?”

“Well... yeah! How'd you know?”

“I didn't. She did. However, for all of her gifts and skills, she still doesn't possess the same innate ability to locate the shards as you do. With your honing skills, I'm certain you can assist her in retrieving the artifact before any enemy to the Lunar Code—such as Romulus—does.”

“Wait...” Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth. “You want me to work with this mare?! Like... partner up or some crap?”

“It would be in our mutual benefit, don't you agree?”

“But... b-but I work alone, Noir! You know that! I can't just—”

“Is there some special reason you must acquire the shard... alone? Rainbow Dash?”

Silence.

Rainbow hung her head with a sigh. “...when did you send this agent again?”

“Last night, right before the explosion,” Noir replied. “Knowing her, she would be closing in on the destination just as we speak.”

“Well, joy of joys,” Rainbow groaned, rolling her eyes. “Guess I'm having to play catch-up!”

“Perhaps so. Whatever you do, Rainbow...” Noir gulped. “Don't trust anypony unless they're your close friend or a member of the Lunar Code.”

“And how will I know somepony is on your side?” she asked. “Including this Agent Miss Whatshername?”

“They will bear the mark of the crescent,” Noir said. “Which only glows when another bearer is present.”

“Uhhhh...” Rainbow fidgeted. “I hate to break it to you, but...”

Noir motioned her closer.

Rainbow trotted to him—then gasped when he suddenly seized her right forelimb.

“Wyn'hrmmum lyn'wynhym wymyhm h'runmym!” Noir's eyes flickered brightly, and the very tip of his hoof glowed with a brilliant silver. He dragged a half-circle across Rainbow's fetlock, and released it.

Rainbow hobbled backwards, staring at her leg. A crescent mark glimmered with silver energy across her coat. She glanced at him to see a similar mark twinkling from beneath his bandages.

“Welcome, Rainbow Dash,” Noir rasped. “To the Lunar Code.”

Rainbow blinked at him, then at her flickering insignia. “...groovy.”

Ixnayposition

“He gave you a glowy what?!” Lancie cackled above the sound of whipping winds.

“I'm part of the Lunar Code, now,” Rainbow said, gliding northwest over dry mountains and plateaus. “He put a glittering crescent moon thing on my hoof.”

“What, do you have to stop eating pork now?”

“I don't even eat pork as it is!”

“Stop ruining my jokes!”

“Mmmfnnngh...” Rainbow sighed. “Look, I saved the dude's life, and what he's just done is a major sign of trust.”

“Oh yeah?” Lancie folded his granite arms from where he sat in her saddlebag. “Did he tell you anything about this supposed 'agent' he already sent after the shard?”

“No.”

“Did he tell you anything about the city he sent her to?”

“Uh... n-no.”

“Did he even tell you how many other members there are of the Lunar Code or where to find all these smexy moongates that could cut your flight time by ninety percent?!”

“Lancie, the guy was barely able to breathe.”

“But he certainly has no problem choking you!” Lancie slapped one of Rainbow's ears.

“Ow! Wh-what was that for?!”

“Sparky...” Lancie frowned. “...there's a name for a pony who works for someone without getting respect and without getting paid. It's called a slave, and these bat ponies just earned one through you!” She spat into the wind. “Crescent tattoo my sweet stone butt!”

“We're all on the same team here, Lancie.”

“Since when?!”

“Since you fell apart and everypony and their brother wanted to get their hooves on the missing pieces!” Rainbow frowned. “We all want to keep Romulus, Don Canter, Aatxe, and all the other baddies from getting to the shards first!”

“Yeah, well, now the Lunar Code is going to get to them!”

“What makes you say that?”

“Nox sent his agent in the field out ahead of you, didn't he?!”

“First, his name is Noir. Second... she's not going to get them ahead of us.”

“And if she does?”

“We're faster than any other pony on this friggin' plane! I'm faster than any other pony on this friggin' plane!”

“And if she does?”

“I'm far more experienced in butt-kicking and name taking! That shard is as good as mine!”

“And if she does?”

Rainbow groaned, glancing back over her shoulder. “Lancie, what do you want from me?”

“To know what you're going to do with this whole plan goes to Tartarus,” he said. “Just like every other opportunity you have to make magic with the shard at the end of the quest, only to blow it on some last second kerfluffle or bleeding heart.” Lancie shrunk into her bag with a sigh. “If you ask me, this agent grabbing it ahead of you is just... y'know... saving us half the trouble.”

“Lancie, I'm going to get the shard for you!” Rainbow exclaimed. “Don't worry!”

“Hrmmmfff... You talk left and right about how you wanna save your precious Applejack, but you don't do a very good job of sticking to that promise, either... now do you?!”

“You need to have a bit more faith in me, dude!” Rainbow's voice cracked. “I'm going to get the shard! I wouldn't be flying out here if I didn't!”

“And if Miss Mystery gets it before you?”

Rainbow shrugged. “I'll... uh... y'know...”

“No, I don't know.”

“Y'know...”

Lancie frowned. “WHAT?”

“Get her... t-to see the bright picture... and... h-hoof it over to me.”

“Even with these Lunar Codex guys now breathing down your neck?”

“Hey, I helped Zecora save Noir's life!” Rainbow sputtered. “The dude and his organization owe me!”

“Hah!” Lancie grinned with stone teeth. “Now that's more like it.”

“Thanks, by the way.”

“Harumph... for what?”

Rainbow smirked into the heavy winds. “For showing—ever so slightly—that you give a crap about me.”

“Pfft. I do not. All I want is the stones and all you want is a blonde mane. We're both working toward the same objective.”

“Mmmmmhmmmm...”

“Don't 'Mmmmmhmmmm' me!” Lancie barked. “Just keep flying and looking out for whatshername!” He blinked. “Erm... j-just how are you going to find whatshername anyways?”

“When I get close to her, my fetlock is going to shine and her fetlock is going to shine.”

“Wow. That simple. Amazing.”

“Don't complain to me. I don't make the rules.”

“No, 'you just break them.'” Lancie reached into her saddlebag and pulled out some sunglasses. “Want these to slide down your face now?” He grinned.

“Get back in the bag,” Rainbow muttered.

“Meh. You're no fun.”

Totally Not Filler

The arid landscape dipped into several careening valleys. The only consistent thing was a railroad winding westward to the far south, but Rainbow Dash kept well out of eyesight, for fear of unwanted ponies noticing her—no matter how improbable the likelihood.

The pegasus knew that she was flying rather quickly, but it didn't seem to make much of a difference. Every hour or two, she'd glance at Lancie, desirous of an approving blink or expression. On each occasion, he'd shrug and motion her to fly on. So, sighing, she did just that, piercing the horizon for longer than her usual patience could tolerate.

By the time afternoon fell, she started to feel the day's toll on her wings—not to mention her head. So many rolling plains of monotonous desolation was mind-numbing, and the mare couldn't decide whether she was falling asleep or going insane. During no less than three instances, she had to pause, reach into her saddlebag, and pull out a compass to make sure she was going northwest still.

“Who'd a thunk it?!” Lancie said. “And here I thought you were good with cardinal directions!”

“Doesn't help that it's friggin' overcast all over this cruddy place!”

“Pffft! It's not overcast!” Lancie exclaimed. “That's just the sky's way of falling with style!”

“I shoulda brought a cork for your mouth.”

“And I shoulda brought a tent peg for your other mouth!”

The two didn't talk to each other for another two hours. This proved to be a case of hilariously bad timing, seeing as night was starting to fall. Groaning in defeat, Rainbow Dash parked herself beneath a jutting plateau, started a fire, and prepared herself a very unsatisfactory meal.

“Mrmmmff... y'know, I've been wondering...” Rainbow munched unenthusiastically on bread and cheese. “...do you ever eat?”

Lancie lay with his antler'd head stuck inside the mare's saddlebag. “...I ingest the tears of plebeians.”

“So, what, you're vegan or something?”

“That's so beyond me I can't even be bothered to explain it.”

“What?” Rainbow gulped down some more stale morsels. “Some things are just too hip and modern day for you?”

“Meh...”

“Heh...” Rainbow's cheeks curved. “How bad it must suck for the whole friggin' world to be crammed-tight with 'whippersnappers' on account of all the eons between you!”

“Oh, no you didn't...”

Rainbow giggled, rolling over onto her sleeping bag. The desolate stars gobbled up her laughter along with the firelight. “I can see you just now, sitting on the front porch of Tartarus, waving your stone fist at all the teenage demons who walk by, sticking their thumb out at you!”

“I'll have you know I'm ten thousand years young!”

“Uh huh... whatever you say, grandpa!”

Rainbow Dash made sure not to sleep with her back to Lancie overnight. Morning came dim and dismal. Rainbow woke up to it with a groan. She put out the remaining embers of the fire, rolled up her things, and took off once again for the northwest horizon, following Lancie's pointing talons.

“For real, though...” Rainbow frowned. “Just how friggin' far is your shard?”

“Beats me,” he said, shrugging into the morning winds. “I know sniff 'em. I don't dig 'em up.”

“At this rate, I dread just how far away the next shard is.” Rainbow blinked. “We do have more shards to collect, don't we?”

“Ohhhhhhhhh yeah...”

Rainbow sighed. “I miss the days when all I had to care about was how to sneak out the back of the weather flying depot so I could steal some wonderbolt tricks along with Gilda.”

“So, you'd give up the life of an adventurer to be a loser once again?”

“Yeah, well, at least when I was a loser, we went out for onion rings a lot.”

“Wow, you really do like punishing yourself, don't you?”

“Why not? I brought you along, didn't I?”

“Just keep flying...”

The two soared off, soon becoming a conjoined dot along the horizon.

They were terribly unaware of a dark shadow following them from five-miles' distance, watching their movement carefully with the eye of a hawk.

Rainbow Bares All

“Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...”

“Sparky?”

“Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...”

“Uhhhh... Sparky?!”

“Zzzzzz-snkkt—Shnorrrrrrrr...”

“Sparky! Oh, for Pete's sake!” The statue spun around on her back, reared his head, and poked her flank with a pair of stone antlers.

“Owie!” Rainbow snapped awake on gliding wings. “Mfnngh! What did you do that for—?!” SMACK! She flew straight into a wooden sign, shattering it to brittle splinters. “Gaah!” Th-Thap! She fell to the ground, rubbing her rear and wincing.

“Nnnngh...” Lancie sighed, then gestured towards the overcast sky. “We're here.”

“H-here?” Rainbow squinted, fighting tears of pain. “Where's here?” Her head tilted up... and up and up and up. “...huh.”

Several columns of smoke billowed into the sky from key locations, adding to the perpetual dull gray haze of the atmosphere.

“You were sleepflying, Eisntallion,” Lancie said.

“I know that!” Rainbow grunted, still rubbing her sore flank. “Hrmmmfff... Couldn't have been too long. It's not yet sunrise.”

“Actually, the sun rose an hour ago.”

Rainbow blinked. “Oh. Uhhhhh...” Her gaze followed the smoke columns back down to the earth. There, an inexplicable series of canyons and ravines dug into an otherwise flat plateau of smoke-gray stone. From afar, Rainbow could see the specks of equine bodies trudging back and forth in the dry canals, dragging wagons stuffed full with rocks. “Yeesh... just what is this dump?”

“Beats the heck out of me, Sparky. I'm sure we would have found out if it weren't for your adorkable blunderings.”

“H-huh?” Rainbow glanced at the shattered sign. Her collision had snapped off the top part, right above “City Limits.” She winced. “Oh. My bad.”

“Yes. Very, very bad.”

“Like it m-matters!” Rainbow flapped her wings, hovering above the shattered sign. “You're the living compass. Is this it or isn't it?”

“Uhhhh...”

“Well?” Rainbow glanced back at him. “Is the shard in there?”

“I... think so.”

“Nnnngh...” Rainbow face-hoofed. “Lancie.”

“Well, it's complicated!” Lancie folded his granite arms. “Yes, this is the city. But I'm a little hazy on where the piece is in all this!”

“And why's that?”

“Take a look around!”

“Hmmm?” Rainbow glanced left and right, blinking at the countless hundreds of scattered pebbles in every direction. “Yeesh, that's a lot of rocks.”

“Something's throwing me off,” Lancie said. “I don't know what it is, but it's disastorously annoying.”

“Could somepony have... uh...” Rainbow shrugged. “...shattered your shard in the time it took us to get here?”

“Brbrbrbrbrbr...” Lancie clung to her saddlebag. “I shudder to think. As if being reduced to a talking garden gnome hasn't been emasculating enough.”

“Maybe we should get closer so you could... uh... get your noodle going?”

“Once more, your gift of master strategies renders me speechless.”

“Oh hush.” Rainbow Dash glided ahead, descending into the first of many labyrinthine canals. “Let's see if I can get a feel for where we are.”

“So long as you do the talking.”

“I certainly didn't plan to sing.”

Deep inside the canals, the “city” was fully unveiled. Stone-carved buildings stuck tight to the granite walls, complete with metal extensions and rusted awnings and balcony platforms. The streets were the ravines and the ravines were the streets. The ponies who lived there had taken extra care and hard work to utilize every square inch of the deep trenches dug into the earth. There was only an “intersection” when the criss-cross of steep ravines allowed for it. As a consequence, the pathways and marketplaces were constantly bathed in dull light and dark shadow—made even darker by the explicit lack of sunlight due to the haze above.

Despite the seemingly melancholic tone of the place, ponies trotted about at an ambitious pace, rushing to one workplace or another, sometimes pausing to talk pleasantly with one another in front of apartments or on street corners. The equines who dwelled there obviously knew the ravines inside and out, and there was a strangely beautiful ballet to how they threaded through one another, carrying cartloads of stones to random destinations without colliding even once.

The majority of the ponies in the streets were sweat-stained workers, making trips between multiple blacksmiths. In fact, there were more forges and metalworking huts than there were of any other kind of building, and the smoke from their shops added to the gray malaise that hung perpetually over the submerged city. It was hard to hear the voices of local pedestrians from the constant clattering and clanging of metal.

Rainbow gritted her teeth as she touched down, trotting along the stone street. “Well, this is a city I'm certainly not having any cider-drinking binges in.”

“Your one-track mind continues to intrigue me,” Lancie said.

“I wonder why they built all of this stuff in the trenches like this?”

“Maybe they're all part ground-hog.”

“Or just bored out of their friggin' minds,” Rainbow muttered. “Seems like punishing yourself to wanna live in a place so depressing.”

“Then you'd be right at home here!”

“Hardy har har.” Rainbow gulped. “I gotta find out more about this town.”

“Yeah, so?”

“Sooooo...” Rainbow glared back at him. “I gotta go talk to somepony!”

“Ah.” Lancie smirked and grasped a canvas flap of the saddlebag. “I can take a hint.” He ducked down into the pouch. “Zoop!”

“Uhm... excuse me?” Rainbow trotted across the street—flinched out of the way of a speeding cart—then continued towards two mares dressed in simple work gowns. “Hi! Uhm... you mind answering a few questions?”

“And so I said, 'Rock stroganoff? Girl, that came from the cesspool!'”

“Ha ha ha ha!” Both mares turned towards Rainbow. “Oh! Sorry! How can we help you—Gaaah!” She suddenly shrieked, then spun away from Rainbow Dash, blushing.

Rainbow scuffled to a stop. She blinked. “Uhm... is something the matter?”

“Y-yes...” The other mare covered her eyes, tilting her head away from Rainbow. “Very much so...”

“What, not used to seeing a pegasus?” Rainbow turned around and flapped her wings. “I promise you! The feathers won't hurt you!”

“Hmmmmph!” One mare frowned and trotted briskly away, skirt flouncing. “The nerve!”

“Savage!” the other pony quickly joined her.

Rainbow gawked at them silently.

Lancie stuck his head out. “So... didja find out where we are?”

“No. They... ran away from me.”

“You really should have taken a shower before you flew here.”

“Lancie...”

“Right. My bad.” The statue yawned. “You and your shower fetish.” He blinked. “Here comes a new challenger! Zoop!”

As the statue hid, Rainbow turned towards a canvas-clad stallion pulling a wagon her way. “Hey... uhm, excuse me sir.” She waved. “Would you mind telling me where—”

“Ah, jeez!” The stallion skidded to a stop, his wagon full of rocks almost spilling over. “Lady, what's the deal?!” He blocked his face, grimacing. “Are you nuts?!”

“I dunno.” Rainbow glared. “I'm starting to wonder...”

“Go... g-go inside or something!” The stallion did an about-face and trotted far away from her, wagon rattling. “Have some decency!”

“Huh?” Rainbow frowned. “Okay, I give!” Rainbow hollered, hovering above an intersection at second-story level. “Can somepony... anypony tell me where I am?! For real, now!”

In response, the air lit up with gasps and shrieks. Stallions in work clothes grimaced. A few mares in dresses gasped. A mother covered her foal's eyes and ushered him down the stone sidewalk.

“I'm not diseased! I promise!” Rainbow crossed her heart and stuck a hoof against a closed eye. “I had the pony pox at age four! It's over and done with!”

“Ma'am... please...” A stallion in a suit stood beneath her, his face flushed as he stared into the street. “Everypony c-can see you.”

“Yeah! I'm sure those marbles atop their marbles aren't ears!”

“If you would just... please... have some respect...”

“Respect for what?!” Rainbow gazed at all of the flinching ponies. Not one dared to look at her. “Wait a minute...” She squinted. “They're all wearing clothes...”

“You're probably not from around here,” a mare said, cowering on a balcony window behind Rainbow. When the pegasus turned towards her, she immediately shaded her eyes. “There's a dress shop just two blocks down. Please, do us all a favor—”

“Oh, you've g-gotta be friggn' kidding me—”

“We really don't want to call the police.”

“Lady, just tell me where I am!” Rainbow cackled.

“Dredgemane! You're in Dredgemane, alright?!” The mare slithered indoors. “Now, please...”

Rainbow touched down, her muzzle scrunched in confusion. “Dredgemane... Dredgemane.” She tongued the inside of her mouth. “Where the hay have I heard that before?”

Lancie stuck his head out. “Sparky! How could you! You should only wear your birthday suits on your birthday!”

“Can it, Lancie. This isn't funny.”

“Sure it is. You almost summoned the fuzz with your fuzz,” he said, smirking.

“Have you—in all your eons of farting—ever heard of a place called 'Dredgemane?'”

“No. Is that where we are?”

“Apparently.”

“Hmmmmmph...” Lancie scratched his stone head, glancing at the buildings and canals. “Doesn't seem like much to write home about,” he said. “Much less a few hundred thousand words.”

Rainbow shivered.

“What's wrong?”

“I dunno...” Rainbow trotted down the block, rolling her eyes at gasping citizens along the way. “I just felt the strangest chill out of nowhere, for some reason...”

We Promise This Won't Be a Novel

D-Ding!

The bell above the dress shop's door jingled.

“Hmmm-hmmm-hmmm...” A mare hummed to herself as she trotted gaily out into the front room. “Welcome to Dredgemane Duds! How can I be of serv—Oh Dear Consus!” She flinched, immediately covering her eyes. “Uhhhh... uhhhhh...” Gulping, she managed a sweaty smile. “H-hello! Sorry! You... m-must not be from around here!”

“Jee...” Rainbow droned, standing up to the counter with a glare. “How'd you guess?”

“Mmmmm...” The clerk fought a frightened whimper. She side-stepped out from behind the counter, all the while keeping her head turned away from Rainbow. “What... br-brings you to my store on this lovely morning?”

“What the heck do you think?!” Rainbow grumbled. “You sell dresses here, don't you?”

“Oh, most definitely!”

“Seems like if I'm to talk to anypony here, I gotta be wearing one.” She sighed, facehoofing. “And here I thought dressup was the last adventure...”

“What might you b-be looking for?”

“Anything you've got in size medium.”

The mare braved a glance, flinched, then turned away. “Uhm... w-wouldn't you rather prefer a petite misses?”

“Unnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnghhhh...”

“I'm s-sorry! Did I say somethi—?”

“Look. No frills. No thrills. Just something cheap. Plain. I don't care.” Rainbow stepped forward, causing the mare to flinch again. “I need something—anything—that will let me be treated like a sane equine being out there.”

“Uhm... very well then.” The clerk gulped. “So, if I'm to understand, you are seeking to blend in here?”

“Wow! You Dredgemaners speak Equestrian Basic! What a relief!”

“Then we may wish to help you browse our intimates section first—”

“Oh for crying out—” Rainbow barked “You mean I gotta wear underwear too?!”

“Why... uhm... y-yes, ma'am! It's Dredgemane tradition!” The clerk gulped. “Is... is th-that going to be a problem?!”

“What's the deal with you ponies, anyway?!”

“Uhm... y-you ever heard of the Great Terrestrial Council of the Second Age?”

Rainbow blinked. “Uhhhhhhhh...”

“When Chancellor Puddinghat and Smart Cookie had their last meeting with the Earth Pony Council?”

“Oh. Uh. Sure!” Rainbow gulped. “What about it?”

“Well, legend says that both politicians got into a terrible fight. One walked away with their clothes still on, the other didn't.” The clerk smiled nervously. “Guess who went on to found Dredgemane?”

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

“So... uhm...” The mare fumbled with some measuring tape. “I... s-suppose it would only be proper for me to get your measurements first.”

“What's the matter, girl?” Rainbow asked. “Do most of your clients come to your store wearing pyjamas?”

“Actually, yes...”

“Ungh...” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “This place is going to kill me.”

“Maybe if we just go about this by—” The clerk jolted as Rainbow stood straight up in front of her, legs spread. “Eeeep!”

“Get it over with,” Rainbow droned, her forelimbs raised to the ceiling. “Ain't nothing on me that's gonna to bite you.” She smirked. “Hard.”

The mare stood in stunned silence.

“What? Did the founder of Dredgemane not believe in humor either?”

“Usually, we just t-tell each other rock jokes.”

“Right, well, finish measuring me before I turn you into pebbles.”

She gulped and began wrapping the tape around Rainbow Dash. “Yes, ma'am.”

“Don't worry,” the pegasus said. “It'll all be over with soon.”

The mare measured Rainbow Dash. Finally, after a full minute, she stared at where her hoof rested on the tape. “... ... ...oh dear.”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “'Oh dear?' 'Oh dear what?'”

“Well, ma'am. It's just that... erm...”

“You can spit it out. I'm not wearing anything that will stain... yet.”

“Th-this is a store for adult fashion, and... uhm...” The clerk giggled nervously. “You're really, really petite—”

“Really? That again?”

“There's a perfectly affordable shop across the way that sells foal's clothes! I-I'm sure they've got a department with teen fashion—”

“Are you shoveling manure?! Is that your job now?!”

“Huh?!”

“You're just trying to kick me out of here cuz of my fuzziness, aren't you?!”

“No, ma'am! Honest! I only mean to say—”

“Look. Just find the closest thing that fits!” Rainbow snarled. “I don't care! Throw it on me! Got it?!”

Half-an-hour later...

D-Ding!

Rainbow shuffled, shuffled, shuffled out of the store, wincing with each trot. She stood, sighing, her body clad from head to tail in a disgustingly turquoise prom suit, complete with a fluffy white corsage. Her body fidgeted, her tail flicking awkwardly through a hole in the back.

Several locals glanced at her and instantly collapsed in a wave of snickers, giggles, and cackles.

Rainbow's ears flattened as she leaned down, shading her face with a hoof. Straightening the saddlebag over her suit, she padded on down the sidewalk.

“Hrmmff? Did a traveling minstrel just walk by?” Lancie poked his head out from the bag. “What's gotten everypony in stitches?”

“Some poor teenage sap somewhere is going to have a really lousy fall formal—”

“Ahhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha!” Lancie nearly fell out onto the stone street.

“Knock it off!” Rainbow hissed, her cheeks ablaze. “Seriously! This was all they had!”

“Hahahahaha!” Lancie wheezed, rubbing his granite eyes. “Wow, you'll really knock Prom Princess McFreckleburg dead with that number, Sparky! Haa haa haa! Or should I say Sharpie?! Snkkkt—hahahaha!”

“Nnnnnngh...” Rainbow groaned, head hanging low. “I feel like a walking strudel...”

“You look like a walking strudel!” Lancie cackled, still trying to catch his breath. “Why so stiff-legged anyway?”

“Mrrfff...” Rainbow only winced, shaking her legs with each trot.

“Come on! Don't be embarrassed! We're partners! You can tell ol' Lancie!”

“Uhm...” Rainbow exhaled. “...it's these damn briefs. They had nothing else in my size.”

“Yeah? So?”

“The suit isn't the only thing made for a stallion, okay?”

“Haaaah hah hah hah!”

“Grnnnngh...” Rainbow frowned, flapped her feathers through her wing-holes, and flew on ahead. “Let's find your stupid shard, already.” And she glided on ahead.

Above the canals of Dredgemane, hidden in the shadows, a dark, feathery shape darted from rooftop to rooftop, keeping up with the turquoise-suited mare from a distance.

Igneousramus

“Rocks?” A stallion wearing a blacksmith apron shoveled coal into a burning furnace. His bearded muzzle wriggled as he glanced out the soot-stained shop. “Well, we got lots of those here, sir! What type might you be looking for?”

“It's ma'am,” Rainbow grunted, fidgeting in the turquoise suit. “And... uh...” She glanced into her saddlebag. Coiled up like a stone serpent, Lancie looked back up at her, gesturing with his talons and paws. “Uhhh...” Rainbow looked up. “Dark, charcoal-gray granite that's... erm... probably chiseled into a jagged shape.”

“How do you mean chiseled?”

Rainbow heard passing giggles. She looked behind her into the streets of Dredgemane. A gaggle of mares snickered in her direction, passing by with flouncing skirts and saddlebags. “Uhm... y'know... like pieces of a statue.”

“Dark, charcoal-gray granite, you said.” The stallion paused to wipe his hooves on a dirty rag. “We're talking feldspar? Quartz? Or something with a predominating porphyritic texture?”

“Uhhhhhhhhh...” Rainbow blinked, bug-eyed. “C-can I take the physical challenge?”

“What's the melting temperature? Twelve hundred degrees celsius? Or something closer to thirteen hundred?”

“You can melt rocks?!”

“Sounds like you're describing limestone!” said a mare.

“Ooooooh! Yeah!” Another mare looked across the store counter, nodding. “Limestone! Such a fantastic rock, don't ya knowwww?”

“Er... right...” Rainbow stifled a yawn and leaned against the counter. “Limestone. That's... uh... igneous... r-right?”

“Oooh! Good Consus, no! That there's sedimentary rock!”

“Otherwise Fillyda would have sunk into the ocean by now!”

“Heeheehee! Good one, Gladys!”

“Okay... what's the deal with sedimentary rocks?” Rainbow asked.

“Oh, it's full of many ancient organic fragments.”

“How do you mean organic?” Rainbow asked. “We talking—like—bugs and squirrels and crud?”

“No, more like coral and amoebas, don'tcha knowww!”

“How about really realy tiny chaos spiders?”

“Huh?!”

“Nnnngh...” Rainbow spun around, grumbling. “Never mind.”

“'Marble?!'” A stallion chuckled while loading his wagon with buckets of rock. “You gotta be more specific than that, dude!”

“Dudette!” Rainbow hissed, pointing at her muzzle. “Notice how it slopes!”

“I couldn't see past the kangaroo suit you're wearing! Ha!”

“Look, are you going to help me or not?!”

“Well, are we talking calcite or dolomite competition?”

“I'm talking rock!” Rainbow sputtered. “Rock composition! Like the kind of thing you'd throw through a window when you're bored in Coltlumbia!”

“Dude—”

“LADY!”

“Dude-Lady, unless you—like—have a sample of this sort of stone that you're looking for, I'm afraid you're out of luck!” He hitched himself up to the cart and gestured down the road. “Looking for one rock in Dredgemane is like searching for a needle in a haystack!”

“Yeah!” Rainbow frowned. “If every stalk of hay was dressed like they just hopped off the Mareflower!”

“Now I know for sure you're from out of town!” the stallion cackled. “Because that joke went way over my head!”

“Yeah. A real stone's throw.”

“Hahahahaha!” He slapped his knee and pointed at her, grinning. “That's better! Whew!” He trotted off briskly. “I gotta tell that one to the guys at the quarry!”

“Nnnnnngh...” Rainbow slumped against a wall of the ravine, facehoofing.

Lancie stuck his head out of her saddlebag. “Beautiful day in the neighborhood?”

“Don't even start. I've wasted half the day away and still I'm no closer to getting to the shard.” She sighed and glared Lancie's way. “Are you sure you can't sense where the stupid thing is?”

“Now, don't insult my missing pieces like that!” He folded his arms. “How would you like it if you lost your wings and I called them 'sissy pants' behind your back?”

“You know, I've a good mind to take you back to that blacksmithy and have him take a sample from you.”

Lancie gasped, then frowned. “You wouldn't dare!”

“Well?!” Rainbow swung her forelimbs wildly. “How the buck else am I going to find this chunk of stone if you won't help me?!”

“Sounds like you need a sorter,” droned a mechanically stale voice.

“Huh?!” Lancie hid in the saddlebag while Rainbow Dash spun around. “A sorter?”

“Yes. A sorter.”

Rainbow's muzzle scrunched. She looked left and right, but didn't see anypony. “Uhhhhh...”

“A sorter sorts rocks,” the voice continued to drone. “It's a very important job... for rocks.”

“Who... where...?” At last, Rainbow's eyes came into focus, and she realized that she was staring smack dab into the face of a mare whose dull gray coat and even duller mane blended almost perfectly with the abysmally muted colors of the town. “Gaaah!” She hopped back, breathless.

“... ... ...” The mare took several seconds to blink turquoise eyes. Her face was emotionless, like the walls that made up that desolate town. “I apologize if the loudness of my voice frightened you,” she murmured robotically. “Sometimes I cannot help myself.”

“Erm... uhhh...”

“Do you wish to find a sorter?” the mare asked. “I could not help but overhear that you are searching for a rock.”

“Well... uhm... y-yeah.” Rainbow gulped. “That would be really awesome. Would... er... you happen to be one?”

“No,” the mare said. “I'm incapable of being a sorter.”

“Why's that?”

“Because a sorter should be unbiased and impartial,” she murmured. Three seconds of blinking. “Unlike me.” Three more seconds. “My passion for rocks is like an unbridled flame of pulsating emotion.”

Rainbow squinted at her. “I'm... g-going to have to take your word for it.”

“But I can take you to the sorter,” the mare said. “She's knew around here. Just like you.”

“Hey, I'd totally appreciate it, Miss...”

“Maud.”

“Maud.” Rainbow gulped. “How much will I owe you for this?”

“Absolutely nothing.” The mare turned around with a ruffle of her plain gray blouse. “Rocks are freedom. Rocks are life.” She trotted towards the far end of town. “Come with me if you want stones.”

A New Challenger Appears

“So, uh... Mable...”

“Maud.”

“Sorry, Maud.” Rainbow glanced aside as both mares trotted downhill towards a large, gaping quarry. “What's with this town, anyway?”

Maud blinked as she strolled along. “I am afraid that I do not understand what you mean to ask.”

“What I mean—” Rainbow fumbled, finding herself constantly trotting ahead of Maud's unbelievably slow pace. “What I mean is this town's got it really bad for rocks.”

“Rocks are freedom. Rocks are li—”

“Yeah. I get that!” Rainbow muttered. “But then you've got all the clothes and the depressing little houses and the mares who practically swoon over limestone and—”

“You are a blue pony with blue wings and a mane full of rainbow hair,” Maud said slowly. Her words consumed the space of half-a-minute. “And yet do you hear any of us judging you for your visual eccentricities?”

“Erm... no.” Rainbow frowned. “But I've gotten an earful out of your neighbors for having to wear this st-stupid suit!”

“A triclinic nodular crystal system that's soluble in hydrochloric acid.”

“The... f-fuzz?!”

“Turquoise,” Maud droned. “A most playful of phosphate minerals. It's the color of your prom suit.”

“I promise you...” Rainbow fidgeted, once again having to slow down to match Maud's pace. “I only w-wore this stupid thing because it's all they had to fit when I came into town.”

“It's also the color of my eyes,” Maud said. “I think it's fitting.”

“Oh yeah? Why's that?”

“Because it embodies my exuberant and fun-loving personality.”

Rainbow bit her lip. “Uhm...”

“We are almost to the quarry,” Maud said. “There, we will find the sorter.”

“Yeah. About that. Could we hurry it up?” Rainbow grunted. “I mean... n-not that I'm in a huge hurry, but the longer I spend in this town the more liable I am to go insane.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Just... with the whole 'clothes etiquette' thing and the constant overcast and—”

“No, I mean about hurrying up.”

“Uhhhh...”

“Because I was afraid you would be upset with me,” Maud said, snailing along. “Considering how briskly I am walking.”

Rainbow stared at her with twitching eyes.

“I used to be chastised a lot for running around the house like this,” Maud said. “One night, my father made me sleep on a pile of granite, instead of my usual mattress filled with limestone.” She blinked. “Funny how the things that bothered us in childhood only make us giggle today,” she droned. “Don't you think?”

“H-hey! Will you look at that!” Rainbow Dash pointed at a wooden hut marked “Sorter” where several soot-stained miners had gathered. “We're already here! Alright!” She spun and shook Maud's hoof. “Jee, thanks for helping me, Maud. It sure was swell hanging out and... ch-chatting with you! Whelp!” She spun around, wings blurring. “Gotta go—”

“Not so fast,” Maud murmured, suddenly in front of Rainbow.

“Gah!” Rainbow fell back on her haunches, wincing. “I... that...” She grimaced. “How in the heck did you—?!”

“I think it would be in your best interest that I remained by your side while you employed the sorter's services,” Maud said. “Like you, she is new to this place, but her attitude isn't nearly as agreeable.”

“Not agreeable, huh?” Rainbow stood up. “Like, in what way—?”

“Ungh! For the last time!” An indignant voice bellowed from the wooden shack. “That is coal! The Great and Powerful Trixie does not deal with coal! Do you understand me?! The Great and Powerful Trixie was employed by this goddess-forsaken quarry to sort rocks and rocks only!! NEXT!”

“Oh...” Rainbow's ears drooped, along with her wings. “...oh no...”

“Unicorns make the best sorters,” Maud said, taking her sweet time to blink. “It is because of their horns... not because of their manners...”

“Oh no...” Rainbow facehoofed, slumping to the ground.

“Trixie can help you find the rock you're looking for,” Maud said. “But it's best that I stay nearby to make sure she doesn't do anything too awkward. I'm her supervisor, you see.” Another blink. “It's okay, really, except for when she yells at clients... which is most of the time. But still, they bring rocks.”

“Nnngh! No... no... no! The same goes for charcoal! Are we running a quarry here, or a barbecue! Get with the program or get out of line! Ungh! How did the Great and Powerful Trixie ever fall to this insufferable low?!”

“I can take a wild guess,” Rainbow muttered aside.

Lancie poked his muzzle out. “Let me guess...” He smirked. “Old friend of yours?”

Rainbow whispered, “Nothing magical about this melon fudge.”

“Gughhh! Why're these pebbles covered in slime?! When you arrive at the Great and Powerful Trixie's table, I expect your rocks to shine!”

“I don't know who she is...” Lancie grinned. “But I like her.”

“Pfft. You would.”

The Great and Pompous Rock Sorter

“Platinum?! Pffft! More like fool's gold!” Trixie folded her forelimbs and frowned over the counter of her shack at the top of the quarry. “Where underneath Celestia's galloping green earth did you find these craggy salt licks?!”

“Uhm...” The stallion fidgeted in his canvas mining gear. Like everypony else, his face and mane were smudged all over in soot and dust “This was excavated from deep within Shaft Twelve,” he said. “Beta Branch.”

“Beta branch?! The Great and Powerful Trixie was told that that part of the dig was abandoned months ago!”

“I-I know. I... uh... w-went and dug there on my lunch break.”

“You did what?!” Trixie leaned back with a flounce of her starry cloak. “Egads! Once again, the Great and Powerful Trixie is stupefied by the magnificent idiocy of you meat-headed rock farmers!” She leaned forward, squinting. “Does your overseer know that you've been wandering off to excavate your own useless pebbles for useless reasons?!”

“I-I thought that I might strike rich!”

“You're lucky you didn't start a cave-in!” Trixie thundered. “That part of the mine is sectioned off for a reason!”

“Look, lady!” barked a voice towards the back of the line. “Are you gonna spend the whole afternoon biting the punk's head off?! Sort his rocks, already!” Several other Dredgemaners cheered in agreement.

Trixie hollered back. “The Great and Powerful Trixie will bite off the head of anypony she chooses! Besides, the plebeian equines of this town wouldn't know cranial delicacies if they fountained up out of the earth like volcanic ooze and burned them!” She switched her glare back to the stallion in front of her. “You want these rocks sorted? Fine!” Her horn flickered as she spun all three of them in a circle as if inside an invisible centrifuge. “Hmmmmm... yes.... yesssss, interesting.”

The stallion leaned forward, eyes wide. “Are th-they worth anything?”

“Quiet, peasant!” Trixie hollered. “Can't you see that the Great and Powerful Trixie is analyzing?!” She licked her lips, eyes squinting. At last. “Hmmm! Just as I thought!”

“Wh-What?!” The stallion blinked wide. “Gold? Silver?”

Pl-Plunk! She dropped them back into his bucket. “Crystalline draconian fecal matter.”

“Is... th-that valuable?”

“It's dragon poop, you soot-sucking baffoon!” Trixie spat. “Now be gone with you, before you smell up The Great and Powerful Trixie's mane!”

The stallion sighed, shuffling off with the rattling bucket on his flank.

“And next time—” Trixie hollered after him. “—you'd better not even think of bringing a plank of hardened sea serpent urine! You've tested the Great and Powerful Trixie's patience enough as it is!” Groaning, she ran a hoof over her muzzle. “This business is going to be the end of Trixie. I just know it.” She gulped. “NEXT!”

A dull pair of eyes slid into place like a ghost's. “Trixie,” Maud droned. “Good afternoon.”

“Mrmmmfff...” Trixie was still rubbing her face. “That's your opinion, Maud,” she grumbled. “Let me guess. Sladeburn wants another structural analysis spell? Tell him I left my miner's helmet at the cleaners.”

“No, Trixie.” Maud shook her head. “We have a rock. A rock that needs to be sorted.”

“No. Really?” Trixie gave a bitter smirk. “Could it be a rock that you—oh, I dunno—dug up out of the earth? Wow, it's almost as if the sign here reads 'Great and Powerful Trixie's Rock Sorting.'” She gasped suddenly. “Did you also know that the sky is gray and rain falls down?!”

“It is a very strange rock,” Maud said while the ponies behind her shifted impatiently. “A rock that I haven't seen before.”

“Oh, please!” Trixie waved a hoof while rolling her eyes towards the overcast sky. “Trixie knows who she's talking to! The day you see a rock you can't recognize is the day the world gets overrun by changelings!”

“I'm serious,” Maud droned.

Trixie looked at her—then did a double-take. She blinked. “Oh my. You are serious, are you?” Clearing her throat, she nevertheless turned her blue nose up. “Very well! Show the Great and Powerful Trixie your rock so we can get this over with!”

“It's not my rock.”

“Okay... then whose in Luna's name is it?!”

Maud stepped aside, pointing at a grimacing pegasus in a turquoise prom suit. “It's hers.”

“Whose?” Trixie craned her neck, eyes squinting. “Some mare behind the stallion in the ugly suit?”

“Hey!” Rainbow snarled, pointing at herself. “I'm the stallion in the ugly suit!” Her eyes crossed. “Er... I-I mean...”

“Pffft! You?!” Trixie blinked. “Wait...” She fiddled with her cloak, squinting at Rainbow from an angle. “That cracking voice... that blue coat... those colorful hairs...”

“Ahhhhhh jeez,” Rainbow groaned.

Maud glanced at her. “What is it?”

“She recognizes me—”

“I just remembered, the Great and Powerful Trixie needs to drop by the store on the way home.” The unicorn grinned wickedly. “Heaven forbid that Trixie should run out of fruity cereal.”

“Oh, for Pete's sake!” Rainbow Dash flapped her wings, glaring in Trixie's face. “Don't friggin' tell me you don't remember!”

“Remember what?!”

“Your trip to Ponyville! Your stupid boasting! The Ursa Major and Twilight Sparkle totally owning you!”

Trixie's pupils shrank to pinpricks. “You... it... but... h-how?!”

“Don't try to deny it, Trixie!” Rainbow hollered. “Just what brought you to a dump like this, anyway?! Are you so washed up that you've settled for the bed of a dead lake?!”

“Trixie, I do believe that this pegasus is somehow acquainted with you,” Maud droned.

“She's come here to heckle the Great and Powerful Trixie over her past life!” Trixie sniffled, eyes starry. “Her... glorious and magical past life!” Her grinding teeth produced sparks. “Well, Trixie will have none of it! Begone with you—!”

WHUMP! Rainbow slapped her saddlebag onto the table. “Not until you tell me where I can find more of this kind of rock, Miss Sorter!”

“If you think that the Great and Powerful Trixie is going to do cartwheels for you after bringing up a tragic debacle such as Ponyville, then you've got another thing c—”

“The sooner you do it, the quicker I'll be out of your stupid snow-colored hair!”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie's mane is not snow-colored!” She upturned her nose. “It's alabaster flax.”

“Trixie,” Maud murmured. “The rocks.”

“What about them?!”

“Sort them or you'll be walking home with your eyeballs replaced!” Rainbow sputtered.

“Fine!” Trixie snorted. “But only because Maud insists.” She reached for the saddlebag's flap—

“Nope.” Rainbow slapped her hoof. “Without opening the bag.”

“Without opening it?!” Trixie sputtered. “You won't let me even see the rocks?!”

“Yeah. They're that rare.”

“Then how is the Great and Powerful Trixie supposed to analyze them?!”

“Jee, I dunno! How about using that Great and Powerful letter opener on your skull?!”

“Hmmmph!” Trixie folded her forelimbs, levitating the bag in a glittery cloud of blue magic. “This is the kind of thanks that Trixie gets for her loyal service in this crummy town... a broken-down shack and the third degree from a squirrel-voiced tomcolt in a monkey suit.”

“I heard that!”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie knows you did.” Soon after, Trixie's forehead tensed. “Hmmmm...” She rotated the bag around in her magic. “Interesting... the shape... the construct...” Beads of sweat formed. “Something... like an enchantment? From deep within...”

“Enchanted rocks?” Maud took three and a half seconds to blink. “I find myself incredibly intrigued.”

“Nothing to write home about yet,” Trixie murmured. “There's something about the substance. I c-can't quite put my hoof on it. If I could just... trace the leylines... and... and...” Suddenly, she jolted. “Eeeeugh!” Her eyes flickered red-on-yellow. The unicorn's mane fanned out, then fell down as sparks appeared above her horn. “Duaaaaaaaaaah...” She fell back in her chair, legs sticking up like a pale blue cockroach's. THUD!

“... ... ...” Rainbow Dash blinked down at her. “... ... ...huh.”

“Trixie?” Maud looked over the counter.

Several stallions in line craned their heads to see.

“Okaaaaaaaaaaaay...” Rainbow Dash picked the saddlebag back up and slid it over her flanks. “Whelp, that was strangely cathartic. Now, back to finding a pony who can help me with my rocks—”

“Trixie is not well,” Maud said. “Help me get her back home so she can rest.”

“Huh?!” Rainbow Dash gave her a double-take. “You've gotta be kidding me!” She pointed at the stiff-as-a-board mare. “Help her?!”

“Yes,” Maud said. “Her home isn't that far from here.”

“She should live in a padded cell, considering what she almost did to Ponyville and how she went about doing it!” Rainbow spat. “You can stuff her and hang her above the mantle, for all I care!”

“She isn't moving.”

“She's got a dumb smile on her face!”

“Trixie doesn't smile.”

“Yeah... well...” Rainbow sighed. “You've got a point there.”

“H-hey!” Several stallions grunted angrily from where they stood in line. “What gives?!

“Yeah! We've been waiting for over twenty minutes!”

“Can you carry her?” Maud asked.

“Nnnngh... fine.” Rainbow heaved the stiff unicorn over her flank. “Uhh... sorry, dudes!” she shouted at the group. “Looks like the Sorting Shop is closed for now! You should... uh... get yourselves a hat for that! Like, seriously!”

“What?!”

“Oh come on!”

“You can't be serious?!”

“What about our rocks?!”

“Look...” Rainbow turned, frowning. “The mare's kaput. Can't you see?! Shop's closed! You want rocks? Walk ten feet in any direction and swing a dead cat.”

“We're not leaving until we get our rocks sorted!”

“Yeah!”

“She owes us!”

“Dang it, there's nothing I can do!” Rainbow grunted. “You have to go somewhere else—”

“We want our rocks sorted now!”

“Right now!”

“No more waiting! No more bulls—”

Maud calmly trotted in a straight line, stood still, and slammed a hoof down.

THUDDDDDDDD!!!

Cracks and fissures formed in the earth, crumbling chunks of rocks off into the quarry below. Workers scurried about, looking over in fear. The stallions who were standing in line gasped and backtrotted swiftly from the sudden crevices forming beneath them.

“... ... ...” Rainbow blinked, then gawked at Maud.

“Thank you for your cooperation,” Maud droned, then turned away from the stallions. “Let's go.”

“Oh... uh...” Rainbow nodded, heaving Trixie over her shoulder. “After you!”

“That was close,” Maud muttered. “I almost got angry. I don't know how ponies like you keep a straight face the entire time.”

“Oh... well... y'know...” Rainbow shrugged, shivering slightly. “'The Great Stoneface!' Uhhhh... th-that's what they used to call me! Yup!”

“That's absolutely fascinating...”

“Or... y'know...” Rainbow sighed. “Just 'The Great Stoned.'”

Rock Shack, Baby

“This is it,” Maud droned, trotting around a giant mound of gravel. “This is where Trixie lives.”

“Nnngh...” Rainbow grunted, feeling the strain of Trixie's weight testing Zecora's potion in her legs. “Where?” She gulped, sweating through her turquoise suit. “Behind the tiny, decrepit wooden shack?”

“No. It is the tiny, decrepit wooden shack.”

“Pfft! You've gotta be pulling my leg!”

“Why would I wish to pull your leg?”

“Come on, girl, it's a joke.”

“How is it funny to pull some mare's leg?!”

“Will you stop being so Celestia-damn literal?!”

“But Celestia is a patron alicorn of harmony. She does not curse.”

“Oh, for buck's sake.” WHUD! Rainbow kicked the shack's tiny door open. “There!” Th-thump! She dropped Trixie like a blue ragdoll in the corner of the claustrophobic space. “Home sweet home!” Dusting her hooves off, she trotted back out the door. “Now, if you don't mind, I've got a shard to find.”

Maud stood in the way. “You can't go.”

“Uhhhhh...” Rainbow leaned forward, flexing her wings. “Yes I can. See?” She smirked. “Two can play at that literal game—”

“I can't let you leave yet.” Maud tapped Rainbow's chest lightly.

Fwump! “Gaa-aaie!” Rainbow fell back on her haunches and slid onto the wall, eyes spinning. “Luna's nipple!” she wheezed. “Anypony ever tell you you're stronger than you look?”

“If what I'm about to do doesn't heal Trixie...” Maud wandered to a wall and picked up several jars of multicolored gravel. “...then she'll need somepony to fly into town and fetch a real doctor.”

“Oh, come on!” Rainbow flung her forelimbs in the limp unicorn's direction. “You act as if she deserves my giving a flying feather! Maud, that mare almost single-hoofedly brought my town to ruin with an Ursa Major!”

“Was it an Ursa Major or an Ursa Minor?” Maud droned.

“What difference does it make?!”

Maud knelt by Trixie's side, popping the cork from one bottle after another. “It makes a lot of difference. An Ursa Major is more likely to pulverize an entire town as you're claiming.”

“Erm...”

“Whereas an Ursa Minor's attack would be considered a minor skurmish at best, easily handled by the capable defenses of the Wonderbolts—”

“Do you have an invisible string on you, girl?!” Rainbow frowned. “Cuz I sure as heck don't remember pulling it!”

“I have a habit of talking excessively in order to calm my frazzled nerves,” Maud murmured with dull eyes. “Like right this second.”

“Do you even look at yourself in the goddess-dang mirror?”

“My younger sister says that a little bit of vanity is good for the soul.”

“You've ever tested that out?”

“I can't,” Maud droned, mixing the multi-colored dusts into a fine pile. “She broke all the mirrors in our house. That's why she was sent away.”

“Unnnnnngh...” Rainbow Dash face-hoofed. “Look, are you going to fix Trixie or—”

“Way ahead of you,” Maud said, compacting the dust into a small pill-shaped capsule.

“Oh.” Rainbow blinked. “That was quick.”

“That's what happens when you talk your muzzle off incessantly.”

“Huh?!” Rainbow's jaw dropped. “But you just said—Rnnnngh!” She spun around, folding her forelimbs in a huff.

“Here, Trixie.” Maud slid the capsule into her mouth and forced the mare's jaws closed. “It's rock medicine,” she said. “Made of rocks.”

“Maybe you should help her wash it down with molten metal,” Rainbow grumbled without looking.

“No,” Maud said in a straight tone. “It will work on its own.” A three-and-a-half second blink. “Rock medicine is silly that way.”

“What are you even—?”

“Duaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” Trixie's horn flashed, followed by her strobing eye-sockets. She sat up straight, breathing fire, then belching up sparks. Half a minute later, she was slumped back against the wall of her shack, panting with flushed cheeks.

“Trixie.” Maud stared. “Are you alright?”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie needs a cigarette,” Trixie wheezed.

“More like an elephant tranquilizer.”

“You!” Trixie seethed, pointing with an angry hoof. “What did you make Trixie sort with her horn?!” She blinked, then flailed her hooves, shouting, “What are you all doing in Trixie's home?!”

“Good. We done here?” Rainbow pulled the saddlebag tighter over her suited shoulders. “Because I sure am!” She frowned. “Last time I bumped elbows with a moron who spoke in the third-pony, I suffered a concussion! Well, I'm not going through that song and dance again!” She tipped an invisible hat and trotted out the shack. “Good day!”

“Uh uh!” Trixie slammed the door shut in front of Rainbow with her magic. “You're not leaving until you pay the Great and Powerful Trixie for personal damages!”

“Trixie.” Maud blinked. “Calm down.”

“Don't tell me not to be angry and hysterical!”

“Excessive passion will not get you anywhere.”

“Like you're one to talk, Maud!” Trixie barked, pointing at her. “I mean look at you!”

“Excuse me...?” Rainbow poked her head in, glaring into Trixie's face. “'Personal damages?!' Is this some kind of a joke?!”

“The only joke is the one you pulled on Trixie!” The unicorn threw her cloak around herself tighter and upturned her nose. “Coming in all innocent-like with that vomit-stain of a suit, insulting Trixie's eyesight!” She spat. “Just what did you make Trixie's Great and Powerful Horn zap?! I demand answers!”

“Oh no, girl. You're not pulling this scam artist crap on me again!” Rainbow stuck her tongue out. “I saw you do it back in Ponyville, and now I'm once burned—twice pissed!”

“You're from Ponyville?!” Trixie gasped, her pale blue muzzle turning paler. Clearing her throat, she zapped the door open with her horn. “On second thought, Trixie changes her mind! Begone from my domain, now and forever!”

“Oh, so now 'high and mighty' hole in the ground is too good for me?!” Rainbow scowled. “Just who was it who endangered the lives of all my friends without a care for their well-being?! For your information, you earned what you have today, ya melon fudge!”

“How dare you!” Trixie hissed. “It was those two putrid pre-pubescent ponies who summoned the Ursa into town, not Trixie!” The mare sniffled, her lips quivering as she stared with moist eyes. “Poor Trixie—once Great and Powerful—had to build herself up from the dirt! I lost my Great and Powerful magic show, my Great and Powerful hat that my mother gave me, and m-my... Gr-Great and P-Powerful travelling wagon!” She wept into her open hooves. “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeee!”

Rainbow sighed, rolling her eyes. “Yeah, well, that still doesn't give you the right to treat all of the Dredgemaners like dirt!”

“Oh yeah?!” Trixie lifted her head, stopping her sobs on a dime. “Fine lot of good they've done for me here! Sticking me into one dead-end job after another! Rock farming?! Pfft! I'd rather dig myself an early grave!”

“Good!” Rainbow Dash snarled. “I hope you rot!”

“Nuts to that and nuts to you!” Trixie stood up proud and tall. “Trixie has learned how to pull herself up by Trixie's bootstraps!”

“HAH!” Rainbow chuckled, pointing at the walls of the run-down shack. “You call this 'boostrap-worthy?!'”

“Scoff if you must at the Great and Powerful Trixie's accomplishments!” Trixie tapped a wall with her hoof. “But I've earned more bits for myself in the last month than I bet you have in an entire year! And after all that hard work and grueling rock farming, Trixie can now boast having this solid roof over her Great and Powerful Head!”

SMASSSSSSSSH! A mass of muscles and feathers burst through the ceiling, plowing into Rainbow Dash and smashing the two of them through the opposite wall. “Hraaaaaaaaugh!”

Trixie blinked. “Awwwwwwww...” She hung her head, ears drooping. “Poo.”

“Oh look.” Maud blinked out the fresh hole in the wall. “A griffon.”

Wh-Whump!

Outside, Rainbow felt herself being shoved up against a mound of gravel—amidst a sea of several identical piles. She grunted, squinting through the falling dust. Her pupils shrank. “Y-you!”

“Yessss...” Romulus sneered, his one eye glinting in the gray light of Dredgemane's overcast sky. “So, Madame Firefly, we meet again.” His sharp beak clicked. “If that's your real name!”

“Grnnngh...” Rainbow struggled against his talon-tight grip. “I knew I smelled something rotten since I rolled into this town!”

“You may have rolled into this place, glue stick,” Romulus hissed. Schiiiing! He unsheathed a scimitar, aiming it at the nape of her neck. “But once you've given me what I want, I promise, they'll be shipping you out of here in pieces.”

Rainbow gulped. Hard. “Ponyfeathers.”

Romulus raised his sword high. “Sister, you said it...”

Oh Look, A Fight Scene

“W-wait!” Rainbow Dash raised a pair of hooves, clenching her teeth. “Think about what you're doing!”

“Oh, I have, 'Firefly'” Romulus sneered, grinning with bloodlust. “Thought it over long and hard!”

“Have you r-really?!” Rainbow Dash winced. “What about your b-buddies?! Don Canter's goons?!”

“What on earth are you rambling about?!”

“Don't play dodo with me, turkey!” Rainbow spat. “I friggin' saw you with them in Fillydelphia! Looks like those guys pack quite the punch with those explosives of theirs!” She gulped. “If you gut me and claim your prise without them around, how are they gonna back you up on your next gig?!”

“Hmmmm-hmmm-hmmm...” Romulus smirked. “You think I actually work for them?”

Rainbow's eyes twitched. “Buh?”

“I answer to a higher calling, lady.” Romulus hissed. “Or a lower one, depending on your perspective.” He raised his sword again. “Nighty night.”

Rainbow sighed. “You know, it was all good and fine until you resorted to a cliche.” That said, she yanked the corsage off her suit and shoved it into his beak.

“Fbrllghglgghgll!” Romulus hobbled backwards, choking up flower petals.

“Hmmm?” Rainbow trotted forward, sneering. “What's it smell like, honeybee? Humble pie?!” WHAM! She uppercutted him with a savage right hoof.

“Mmmnngnhh!” Romulus stumbled backwards. He spat out the rest of the flower and rubbed his bloody beak. “Why you voice cracking little popcorn fart—”

“Here's the cherry on top!” Rainbow charged forward, spearing him.

“Ooofa!” Both flew backwards—

—and smashed through the other wall of Trixie's shack, making another hole.

The unicorn went sprawling under the spray of splinters and debris, clinging to Maud. “Stop tearing up the Great and Powerful Trixie's house!” she hollered.

“I think we would be safer hiding behind a pile of rocks,” Maud said, standing dead-still amidst the clamoring hurricane the two combatants were making. “Because rocks are hard.”

“Nnnngh!” Rainbow Dash body-dropped Romulus through a wooden table. The griffon kicked through the shattered bits, smacking Rainbow upside the chin. “Ooof!” Rainbow stumbled back, wincing. Schiiiing! The air lit up from the griffon's reflective blade. Panicking, Rainbow picked up a random chair and held it out like a shield. Thw-Thwackk! Romulus' scimitar lopped off all four legs of the furniture. Rainbow blinked at it, shrugged, then slammed the thing across Romulus' beak.

“Augh!” the feathery bounty hunter fell through Trixie's bed, smashing it to bits.

Rainbow shrugged. “All a chair's friggin' good for, these days, I swear—”

“Yaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaaugh!” Romulus charged full-force at Rainbow.

“Unnngh!” Rainbow slumped to her knees. “Must we?!”

WHUMP! The feathery foe speard her and—

SMASSH!

—sent the two of them sailing out the other end of the shack, where they plowed into a tall pillar of gravel. As they disappeared deep within, the mound of pebbles sank, imploding slowly from within. Eventually, after several explosive spurts, Rainbow finally burst out of the mound, gasping for breath.

“Duaaaaaaaah!” She hovered in mid-air, wheezing. “Well...” She dusted her hooves off. “At least he's done and buried—”

Swissssssssh! The scimitar went sailing out like a missile.

“Hnng!” Rainbow ducked back. She dodged the blade, but was too late to stop it from cutting a huge turquoise swath in her jacket. “Awwwwwwwww... come on!” She anxiously folded the ripped fabric back in place. “Dude, I need this! For the Dredgemane arc!”

“Rrrrgh!” Romulus' head burst out of the pile of rocks. His beak clattered, “Whine all you like! Your days are numbered! Haaugh!” He flew up, hovering across form her with talons at the ready. “I murdered that measely bat pony! A pathetic floozie such as you is going to be cake!”

“Well, I hate to break it to ya buddy, but Noir lives to speak another day!”

Romulus' one good eye twitched. “You lie, pony!” he hissed.

Rainbow smirked and tapped her nose. “You see my fuzzy muzzle growing any, bud?” WHAM! A hard talon smacked her across the face. “Aaaugh!” she grabbed her snout. “My fuzzy muzzle!”

“I'm gonna do you worse, Firefly.” Romulus growled, unsheathing a pair of shiny daggers. Sch-Schiiing! “Tell me where the rest of the shards are, or I won't stop cutting until next year—”

Out of nowhere, a tan pith helmet flew in and ricocheted off Romulus' skull.

“Augh!” The griffon fell to the earth.

Rainbow blinked over her aching nose. “...wat.”

Th-Th-Thap! The helmet bounced off multiple gravel mounds and Trixie's shack, ultimately ending up in the grip of a mustard-yellow hoof. “Throw in the towel, kid!” an older voice rasped. Suddenly, a pegasus in an olive drab shirt hovered between the two, bearing the mother of all smirks. “Better let me handle this! After all, when things get dangerous...” She tossed her gray mane and slapped the helmet atop her crown with a wink. “That's when I'm on the call.”

“Guhhhh...” Trixie crawled out of what was left of her house. “Trixie can't see what's happening. Describe it to Trixie.”

Maud stared dully up into the sky. “I think it's the plot.”

“Nope! It's none other than Noir's most trusted adventure buddy!” The pegasus struck a valiant pose over the groaning griffon. “Daring Do!”

Rainbow Dash stared. “... ... ...who?”

Daring Dammit

Rainbow blinked. Then blinked again. “Who?!”

The mustard mare's jaw dropped. “Daring Do!”

Rainbow merely squinted.

“You know! Adventurer?! World traveler?!”

“...”

“From the legendary book series?!”

“... ... ...”

“The Sapphire Statue?! The Griffon's Goblet?! The Poisoned Whispered K—”

“Did Noir send you?”

“Dammit yes!”

“Fine.” Rainbow grinded her hooves. “That works for me.”

“Now, where were we.”

“... the FREAKING GRIFFON!”

“Huh?”

“Raaaaughlll!” Romulus leapt up and pounced Daring, slamming her into a pile of rocks.

“Oh yeah! Rnnngh! This griffon!”

“Hold on!” Rainbow galloped towards her. “I'll get him off y—”

“Thanks, but no thanks, kid!” Daring Do bit onto three of Romulus' crown feathers and yanked savagely to the side.

Pl-Pluck! “Aaaugh!” Romulus flinched.

Daring used the brief opportunity to flip him over her body so that he sailed hard into a mound of gravel.

“Ha!” Daring hovered up, dusting her hooves off. “He's got some stones to mess with me! Heheheh—”

“Hurry up!” Rainbow sputtered, flying up past her. “Finish him off before he—” She gave her a double-take. “...did you just call me kid?”

“You prefer I call you 'Granny?'” Daring placed her hooves on her hips and stared Rainbow up and down. “Nice threads, champ. Did your taylor work at a balloon shop to get through grad school?”

“Look, will you just help me knock this guy's beak in already?”

“Shhhhh...” Daring cupped a hoof over her ear. “Wait for it.”

Rainbow's eyes darted all around the quarry. “...wait for what?”

“It's called a dramatic pause, doofus.”

SMASH!!! “Rrrrrgh!” Romulus finally burst out of the mound, brandishing two daggers. “Damn Noir and his filthy winged whores!”

“Hah! Now that is villain speech!” Daring whipped out a notepad and began scribbling. “Good noise on the exit, too. I'm giving that sound effect three exclamation points!”

Maud droned from below. “Be careful of the pyschotically imbued death griffon.”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie demands that somepony pay for her house!”

Rainbow pulled at her mane, shrieking. “Is everyone in this town crazy?!”

“Nah, just the ones tossing razor sharp slicey knives at ya.” Daring pointed without looking up from her notepad. “Three o'clock, by the way.”

“Huh?!” Rainbow Dash turned, then ducked as a blade soared over her mane. “Yeow!” WHUMP! Romulus kicked her, shoving her back. She countered with a round-house kick with her hoof. Romulus flung his talon up, caught her leg, and prepared to stab his remaining dagger into her flank. She slapped him across the beak with her tail, spun around, and bicycle-kicked him across the top of his skull.

“Ooof!” the mercenary fell hard to the ground, wincing.

Rainbow spun towards Daring, wheezing for breath. “A little help would be awesome?!”

“Pffft. Come on. You're my partner,” Daring drawled. “Less sarcasm. More sass.”

“H-huh?!”

“It's my spotlight, after all!” Daring thought aloud while scribbling. “The sidekick can't be allowed to one-up the main mare!”

“Nnnngh!” Rainbow thrashed in midair. “What's in the water around here?!” A garrot wire looped around one leg and yanked her down. “Whoah!”

“G-gotcha!” Romulus snarled, slamming her into the ground and pinning her there with his weight.

Maud leaned down to her level. “If you must know, it's two hydrogen for every oxygen atom—”

“Not... h-helping!” Rainbow hissed, only to be tossed across the quarry by Romulus' muscled talons. “Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaieeeee!” Romulus sailed after her, brandishing his dagger.

Maud's head swiveled to follow them. “...also an undisclosed amount of microspic bacteria and amoebic culture.”

THUD! Rainbow slumped to the ground beneath a rock wall. “Nnnngh...” She blinked upside down to see the griffon soaring after him. “Dang it!” She hollered. “It's going to be one heck of a sucky book if you let the sidekick die this early!”

“Hey... sh-she's right!” Daring pocketed the notepad away and beat her chest. “A-a-a-ahem.” Grinning devilishly, she dive bombed with wind-whistling speed. “Bangarannnnnng!”

Romulus couldn't help but look behind him in mid-flight. “H-huh?!” Daring slammed down through his spine, hoof first. “Aaaaugh!”

The two went slamming into the earth, burrowing a trench and covering Rainbow's coughing figure in dust and sediment.

In Dedication to Kaizo Burton

Rainbow waved the dust clear from her muzzle. When she stood up, she saw Daring and Romulus squaring off from one another, pacing in a tight circle.

“I should have figured...” Romulus sneered at the spritely adventurer. “Noir has a lapdog in every corner of the world to send and do his dirty work!”

“You were one of his lapdogs once too, y'know, Rommy Dear.” Daring winked. “Of course, it's easy to set the bar low when you cram worms down your beak for a living.”

“What do you get for following his stupid Lunar Code, anyway?”

“Plenty to write home about.”

“Well allow me to pen your obituary!” Schiiing! He twirled, thrashing one talon while stabbing low with a dagger.

Th-Thap! Daring swung her forelimbs in opposite direction, each fetlock blocking a different attack, locking Romulus in place. “Wow! That's exactly the lame sort of comeback I'm itching to give Ahuizotl!”

“Will you get your head in the game, already?!” Romulus sneered. “I want you out of your fantasyland for when I drain the blood from your throat!”

“Sorry, pal.” Daring chuckled. “But I published Daring Do and the Vampire's Vigor last month.” With a grunt, she reverse-somersaulted, uppercutting the griffon with her tail.

“Ooof!” He stumbled back, spitting out pony hairs.

Daring slid to a stop. “Why do you want the shard so badly, anyways?”

“I've no use for it myself!” he spat. “It's the bits that are in it for me! It's always about the bits!”

“And that's where you totally suck, RomTom.” Daring smirked. “All coin purse and no soul.”

“And just what are you going to do with it?! Put it in a museum?!”

“Luna's nipple, no!” Daring gasped. “I'm going to take it back to Noir to keep safe!”

“Typical...”

“Then I'm going to put it in a museum!”

“Balls to that, Daring Douchebag!” Romulus snarled. “Your pursuit of glory and fame is fleeting! I work for someone who will give me power overwhelming!” He grinned beneath his blood-stained beak. “Someone who will cover every bookstore that carries your insipid tails of vanglorious bullcrap in a rain of destructive fire, consuming all of ponydom until every sissy equine is forced to bow and praise the name of the one true—”

WHUD! Rainbow Dash elbowed Romulus' skull to the earth. The griffon wheezed, then was out like a light.

“Now that's what I call 'bird-dropping,'” Rainbow spat.

“Whoah woah whoah!” Daring flailed her forelimbs, gawking. “What on earth, Champ?!”

“Well how long was he going to friggin' talk?!”

“You should never beat the snot out of supervillains until after they are done giving their monologue!”

“What for?!”

“He was going to tell us who he worked for!”

“He was going to gut us!” Rainbow Dash pointed at the delapidated wooden shack behind them. “Or—in case you didn't know—there were innocent ponies endangered by your prolonged fight scene!”

“Pffft!” Daring Do giggled. “That 'house' had more holes in it than a sponge when I got here.”

“The ponies, you idiot!” Rainbow barked. “The ponies were in danger!”

“Will you look at the Great and Powerful Trixie's hoofsies?! They're smudged! Trixie will never forgive you!”

“Typical 'smudge' is comprised of eleven percent composite gravel.”

“Oh shut up!”

Rainbow sighed heavily.

“Look, kid.” Daring trotted over Romulus' collapsed figure. “You're trying to protect Noir. And that's cute.” She rested a hoof on the mare's shoulder while smirking. “But leave the boss fights to the experts.” She winked. “'Kay?”

“'Cute?' 'Cute?!'” Rainbow shoved Daring off. “I saved his life!”

“Only because I let you.”

“Only because...” Rainbow blinked. “...what?”

“Er... sorry, I suck without a typewriter. Ahem.” Daring waved her hoof from side to side. “What I really meant to say is that I let you live to see another day to see that Noir would live another day so that now we could both be kicking flank on this day... today...” She blinked. “The day after yesterday.” She blinked again. She smiled.

“Wait...” Rainbow Dash squinted. “Your voice... that mane.” Her eyes twitched. “Have I seen you before?”

“Now she catches on! Whew!” Daring leaned on Rainbow's shoulder as if she was a cider bar. “Filly, lemme tell you, everypony has the memory of a goldfish these days. Where did you read me, huh? Griffon's Goblet? “The Pungent Pegasus?” She cleared her throat. “Romulus was the 'griffon', by the way. That's why his dialogue sucked so much. I took a chance at being realistic.” She rolled her eyes. “And all the critics call me 'pretentious.' Pfft!”

“Photo Finish!” Rainbow barked. “At the party! You were there!” She shivered. “No wonder you're so kitten-huffing insane! You run in Photo's circles!”

“I don't run in anypony's circles but my own!” Daring frowned. “Actually... I don't run. Period.” Cl-Clank! Just then, a grenade landed in between them. Daring gasped, her pith helmet flying off. “RUN” She shoved Rainbow just as—

P-POWWW!

“Aaaugh!” Rainbow flew back. Her head hit something hard, filling her skull with a sharp ringing sensation. “Unnnnghhhh.. m-my head...”

In Rainbow's foggy vision, she spotted a line of dark-suited stallions lining the top ravine overlooking the quarry. One loaded a mortar shell into the cannon that another was aiming into the gravel pit below.

“I... d-don't believe it,” Rainbow sputtered, eyes rolling back.

“Oh my Celestia, they found me,” Daring Do's voice warbled across the hazy canyon. “I don't know how, but they found me!” She spun, galloping. “Run for it, Firefly!”

“Name's... n-not...” Rainbow wheezed, going cold. “Nnnngh...”

“Don't leave the Great and Powerful Trixie behind!”

“Follow me!” Daring Do shouted as another grenade went off, punctuating her cheery shouts with an echoing rattle. “The Lunar Code has a safehouse out here!”

“The Lunar What?! What about Trixie's House?!”

“This one is cooler! At least twice the size! I promise! Now carry Lil' Miss Sunshine and let's skedunkle!”

A gray shape hovered over Rainbow's darkening vision. “Are you okay, Rainbow?” it droned in Maud's voice.

“So... numb...”

“How many rocks am I holding up?”

“Hmmm...” Rainbow smiled crookedly. “Forty-two.” Thud! And she was out.

Raiders of the Lame Arc

“Pffft! Those punks were nothing! I've fought off ten times as many goons in my sleep! Not to mention knee-deep in swamp water and covered in leeches!”

“Those certainly weren't leeches launching explosives at the Great and Powerful Trixie's house!”

“Oh please, girl. They weren't after your shack! It was just... y'know... in the way! Pony collateral! Happens all the time. Hey, want a stick of gum?”

“Stop calling it a 'shack!' The Great and Powerful Trixie slaved day in and day out to earn the bits to build herself a home from nothing! When was the last time you ever felt yourself at the end of your rope?!”

“Pffft! You kidding? I live on the edge every dayum Tuesday! All I've got on me is a spirit of adventure and the clothes on my back! Only half of that seems to make a difference in this town! Why, if it weren't for the profits earned from my books, I wouldn't have the bits to feed myself in between quests!”

“I fail to see what your bumbling adventures have to do with Trixie! And where in Luna's name are we?! It smells in here!”

“That, my little pony, is the smell of victory! We've just escaped with our lives intact, and we each have the opportunity to kick flank and spite evil for another day!”

“... ... ...this is cesspool, isn't it?”

“Correction—was a cesspool! Now it's a subterranean gravel repository converted into a secret safehouse for members of the Lunar Code!”

“Lemme guess... you are one such member? Pffft! Don't make Trixie laugh...”

“You been living under a rock, girl?”

“In this town, it most certainly isn't hard.”

“I'm the one and only Daring Do! Savior of artifacts the whole world over! Adventurer and entrepreneur! Not to mention really dang sexy!”

“Hmmmf! Well, that is most certainly a matter of opinion, and a very adolescent one at that!”

“Wow. I bet you were a lot more pleasant to talk to before you decided to sit on a radio antenna.”

“I'll have you know that the Great and Powerful Trixie is no stranger to adventure and prestige, herself! For months... years, I've traveled the plane, showing off magical feats that would put the finest sorcerors and magicians in Canterlot to shame!”

“Oh really...”

“Without a doubt! And I would have become the most powerful unicorn in all of Equestria if I hadn't decided to roll into her asenine town of Ponyville!”

“Hey, speaking of which, how's the lil' champ doing, sunshine?”

“I think she's been listening to the two of you for the past minute and a half,” Maud droned.

“Guhhh...” Rainbow Dash sat up, her head bandaged and her body aching. She blinked at the dimly-lit surroundings. She and the other three equines were inside a tiny cave lined with crates of old, dusty supplies and mining equipment. A torch dangled overhead, illuminating a lone table with the lunar crest on it. “Please tell me I'm in Tartarus...”

“No.” Maud bliked. “Dredgemane.”

“Ughhhhhhhhhh...” Rainbow groaned, rolling her eyes back. “Fine. Fill me in.”

Swooooooosh! Daring Do slid into view, striking a pose. “'Evil had reared its ugly head! Death and destruction surrounded Daring from every angle! With seconds to spare, and with the sheer adrenaline of survivalism on her side, she swooped up her unwitting companions and stole them swiftly to her allies' secret underground sanctuary, so that they could strategize a way to usurp their adversaries and restore balance to the Lunar Code!'”

“Yeah, uh...” Rainbow frowned. “Can I get the abridged version, ya melon fudge?”

Daring opened her mouth—only for Trixie to rush up and grab Rainbow by the collar of her suit. “You owe the Great and Powerful Trixie a home and a wagon!”

“H-hey!” Rainbow's voice cracked as she shoved the unicorn off. “Hooves off the threads! I paid for this with my last ounce of dignity!”

“Hmmf! Well, you should have drawn some from the bank!”

“And what do you mean a home and a wagon?! Last I checked, Romulus tore your shack up and nothing else—”

“It is not a shack!” Trixie hissed. “And Trixie is still waiting for wagon reimbursement from Ponyville, you air-headed ignoramus!”

“Unnngh...” Rainbow rubbed her aching skull. “You're still on about that?”

“Of course Trixie is still 'on!' If Trixie had her way, she'd... she'd...” The unicor folded her forelimbs beneath her cloak, huffing. “Trixie doesn't know!”

“Want me to write a smexy revenge story for you?” Daring leaned in with a smirk. “Ahem... 'A wrongly persecuted mare tips over into the dark side! Egged on by the demons of her past and bound by a personal vendetta, she runs into the nearest Curiosity Shop and buys a pendant granting her the shadowy powers of a corrupt alicorn!'”

“Stop encouraging her!” Rainbow sputtered.

“Hrmmmm...” Trixie tapped her fuzzy blue chin. “...that's not all that bad of an idea, Trixie thinks...”

Rainbow stomped her hooves, shouting past Trixie. “What kind of a Lunar Code agent are you?!”

“Who, me?” Daring slicked her mane back, smirking. “Only the awesome kind!”

“Yeah, well, there's more to life than kicking flank and being awesome!” Rainbow growled. She stood still, blinking. “Celestia on a bike...” She slumped back, muzzle pale. “I-I must have hit my head h-harder than I thought...”

“You were mumbling in your sleep,” Maud droned.

“Mrmmmff... oh yeah?” Rainbow rubbed her head, sighing. “About what?”

Maud said, “Something to do with swimming through freckles and nuzzling your cheek up somepony's fuzzy orange thighs until you kissed—”

“Okaaaaaaay!” Rainbow Dash stood up, slapping her hooves together and pacing across the hollow abode. “So, let's talk about how screwed we are. Not only is Romulus here, but so are Don Canter's goons.”

“Trixie demands to know what you are even talking about!” The magician glared across the cave. “Who are these strangers and why have they invaded Trixie's life?!”

“You know, all crud aside, I'm super-crazy sorry that your existence got totally dumped on like this,” Rainbow said. “I came to this town to find something, which is what brought me to you. As for Romulus, I would have gotten a handle on him if—” Rainbow glared at Daring. “—somepony hadn't decided to drop in and start showboating!”

“Hmmm? Sorry? What was that?” Daring rubbed her hoof against her chest and smiled. “I couldn't hear your goddess-awful whining over the sound of my saving your petite hide.”

“Girl, you couldn't save your way out of a paper bag!”

“Spoke like a true kitty cat.”

“And stop calling me 'petite!'” Rainbow Dash howled. “Honestly! What universe do we live in where—like—that's a thing?!” She glanced aside at Maud, raising a hoof to their heads and comparing. “I mean, look! It's not like it's actually—” Her forehead lingered a good inch below Maud's. “Awwww poop.” She stared off, ears folded as her head slumped. “Forget I said anything.”

“Obviously those Manehattan Mobsters followed you from Fillydelphia!” Daring said, winking. “So careful who you point hooves at!”

“Uhhhh... News Flash? I wasn't the only pony who showed her face around Neigh York!” Rainbow sputtered. “A certain somepony else was there too, Miss Yearling, if that's who you really are!”

“Oh please.” Daring folded her forelimbs with a smirk. “That's just a ruse! A double! My 'Clark Canter,' without the eyeglasses, if you will.” She tilted the brim of her pith helmet. “In reality, I'm the same adventurer ponies all across the kingdom read about! Not so publically, however, I lend my services to the Lunar Code! Because—what's a dangerous life it not made even more dangerous by entangling oneself in secret societies?! Heheheheh...” She sighed proudly. “But honestly, though, I'm a real renaissance mare.”

“How Noir could ever shake hooves with a pretentious windbag like you is beyond me.”

“Just how much do you know the sarosian, anyways?”

“For your information, I saved his life.”

“How many times?”

“What is this?! A competition?”

“You tell me.”

“Girls,” Maud droned. “Stop fighting. The rocks.”

Trixie rolled her eyes. “It's always about rocks with you! Be more specific!”

“The rocks that brought them both here.”

“Just one, actually,” Rainbow said.

“Just one?!” Daring blinked.

Rainbow squinted at her. “What, you didn't know that?”

“From the way Noir worded it, it sounded like there were multiple shards here!”

“There's only one, Einstallion.”

“Pfft. How do you know that?”

“She has a sample,” Maud said. “We brought it to Trixie so she could help us find where the rest of it is. Trixie is a rock sorter.”

“Yes, and now that we're all someplace safe—relatively speaking—then maybe we can start over again without accidentally giving Trixie an aneuryism!”

“Hmmm... Trixie would appreciate that very much.”

“Now...” Rainbow sighed. “Where's my saddlebag? If we're gonna start over, I gotta have my piece of the chaos rock again.”

A pink hoof handed the backpack over. “Here ya go, Dashie!”

“Thanks, Pinkie.” Rainbow grabbed the satchel. “Now, what I'm about to show you may be really—” Her eyes bulged and her mane hair stuck on end. She spun about, gasping. “Pinkie Pie?!””

“Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie grinned wide.

“What... wh-what are you doing here?!” Rainbow sputtered.

“How did you get here?!” Daring gaped. “This place is supposed to be secret!”

“Oh! That!” Pinkie bounced in place. “I just took a right at the outhouse!”

Daring teetered. “Uhhhhhh...”

“Oh great Luna,” Trixie whimpered. “Now there're two miscreants from Ponyville!”

“But... that... how...” Rainbow's eyes twitched.

“So super cool of you to show up during my vacation home to Dredgemane, Dashie!” Pinkie hopped over. “Have you met my sister, Maud?”

“Your... s-s-sister?”

“Yeah! I've talked about her lots, remember?” Pinkie leaned in, rubbing cheeks with the mare. “Squeeeeeee! We have so much to catch up on, it's criminal!”

Maud blinked from where she was being cuddled by a flouncing cloud of fuchsia. “I'm surprised you didn't notice before. She and I have very similar personalities.”

“... ... ...” Rainbow plopped down on her haunches. “I think I wanna be unconscious again...”

And the Pink Shall Set You *Squee*

And the Pink Shall Set You *Squee*

“Dashiiiiie!” Pinkie Pie giggle-snorted. “Why didn't you tell me you were gonna visit my home town on the same weekend I did?!” She stood up inside the cave and brushed off her hoof in Rainbow's direction. “Naughty, naughty, Pegasissy!”

“I... I didn't know... I mean... I guess I knew... cuz of... that... it...” Rainbow's ruby eyes crossed. “Rocks.”

“Oooh! I bet it was Maud!” Pinkie vaulted over Rainbow and hooked a forelimb over the deadpan mare's shoulder. “Was it you, Maud? Come on nowwwwwwww!” She winked, cotton candy mane flouncing. “Fess up or throw up!”

“I don't want to get gravel in your hair.”

“Snkkkt—Haaaaaaah hah hah hah hah hah!” Pinkie flailed and cackled hysterically while Maud blinked on. “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Maud!! You always know how to crack me up, you goofy clown you!”

Maud droned, “What are placed on this earth for if not to decay and laugh at it while entropy consumes us.”

“Duaaaaaaaah—THERE SHE DOES IT AGAIN!” Pinkie shrieked. “Ahhhhh ha ha ha ha ha!”

Trixie winced, covering her blue ears tight as she leaned away from the bellowing laughter. “Luna spare Trixie! Just dealing with one of them was enough!”

“Hey... I kinda like her!” Daring Do remarked with a wink from across the tiny cavern. “She's like a pillow with the vocal cords of a hyena!”

“Wait a minute...” Rainbow grimaced, fidgeting in her suit. “Hold the dragon's breath and lemme get this straight.” She pointed. “THIS is Maud? Your Maud?! All this time I've been fumbling around your goddess-forsaken hole-in-the-ground town with your oft-talked about sister?!”

“YEAH!” Pinkie Pie wheezed, still reeling. “Isn't that spectacular, spectacular?! Whinnies above vernacular?! Heeeheeeheeeheee!”

While Pinkie hung limply off of Maud's neck, the gray mare stared Rainbow's way. “I must admit, there are a seldom few qualities that differentiate the two of us.” Three and a half seconds of blinking. “It might be because I'm adopted.”

“Hey! M-Maudie!” Pinkie Pie squealed, fighting tears. “Tell her about the one time you accidentally hit me with the rock, y'know, in rock school!”

“So, this one time, in rock school.” Maud slurred. “I hit Pinkie Pie with a rock.”

“Haaa-haaaah-haaaaaaaa!” Pinkie Pie rolled on the floor, in stitches.

Maud continued at a snail's pace. “It didn't hurt as bad as the stone I accidentally hit her with the previous year. We were really tiny ponies back then.” Maud blinked. “I wish the rocks were tiny too.”

“Yeah!” Pinkie nearly threw up, wheezing. “We certainly lost our marbles back then, d-didn't we?!”

“I still have the scar from when the surgeons cut into m—”

“SOOO...” Daring Do leaned in, rubbing her hooves together. “Looks like quite the team you've assembled here, Sparky!”

“I didn't assemble—snkkkt!” Rainbow Dash snarled. “I didn't even know that Pinkie Pie was here!”

“Really? She seems like a close friend of yours!”

“Yeah, well—”

“Seems kind of a jerk move to totally miss out on her friggin' home town and stuff, pal. Heheheh—”

“Look, this was my first time here!” Rainbow pointed out the cave. “And in case you noticed, it doesn't exactly scream 'Pinkie Pie' from the looks of it outside!”

“Trixie feels like sc-screaming!” The unicorn gulped. “D-does that count?”

“Trixie has a point, Pinkie,” Maud said. “Mom and dad will murder you in cold blood if you walk home wearing that.”

“What?! Oh you mean this ol' thing?!” Pinkie gestured at her nude pink self. “Oh, it's just something I threw on!” She giggled. “I got it on my birthday!” She giggled some more.

“Nnnnnngh...” Rainbow face-hoofed.

“Pinkie. The rules.” Maud stared.

“Heeheehee! Okay! Okay, fine! Watch this!” She stood up on her hind quarters, slapped her forelimbs together, and spun spun spun spunspunspunsp-sp-sp-spun until she was a fuchsia blur. When at last she swiveled to a stop, Pinkie wore a star-spangled leotard with a silver lasso and matching golden hoof-braces. “Tadaaaa! Linda Canter, eat your heart out!” She beamed at the others. “What do you think?”

“Uhhhh...” Rainbow blinked.

“Two hooves up, Chuckles!” Daring grinned.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie's brain is breaking...” She sniffled. “Just like her h-home.”

“Awwwwww!” Pinkie pouted. “Nopony deserves a long face! Even if they were a ursa minor mulling meanie head in the past!”

“For the last time, Trixie did not—”

“It's okay! I'll change!” Pinkie grasped the leotard and yanked it off. A fluffy pink dress fwoomped out. “See? I'm Princess Trotstool! Heehee get it?!”

Trixie gawked. “...Trixie demands to know if you are a wizard...”

“Pfft! Nothing to it!” Pinkie twirled a parasol above her golden crown. “You'll be amazed what kind of stuff you can hide in your mane while bouncing cross-country!”

“I've been struggling to contain my excitement,” Maud Pie droned. “But Pinkie, perhaps you may have—”

“Of course, ya horse!” Pinkie reached into her mane, fiddled around, and pulled out a buttery brown mass. “There ya go! Sugarcube Corner Peanut Brittle! Just the way you like it!” She tossed at Maud.

Maud took a bite out of it without moving. She chewed and chewed, her lazy eyes blinking across the cave. “Mmmmm...” She gazed at Rainbow Dash. “...it's hairy.”

“... ... ...” Rainbow sighed. “Look...” She pivoted. “Pinkie—”

“I'm sorry, Rainbow!” Pinkie squealed in a raspy voice, eyelashes fluttering bashfully. “But I'm afraid your Pinkie is in another castle—”

“Darn it!” Rainbow slapped her hooves. “I'm serious!”

“Heeheehee!” Pinkie giggled into a lace glove. “Well, everypony can see that, silly!”

“I think the champ here...” Daring wandered over and slapped a hoof over Rainbow's shoulder. “...was about to tell us about this team she had assembled to gather the shard!”

“What?! I... I'm telling you!” Rainbow snarled. “I did not assemble a—” She paused. She glanced aside.

Pinkie sashayed around in her flouncing dress. Maud stood, chewing on a muzzle ful of peanut brittle. Trixie stood, forelimbs folded under her robe as she bore the mother of all scowls. Daring Do tilted her pith helmet and grinned at Rainbow expectantly.

“... ... ...” Rainbow took at look at her saddlebag with a Lancie-shaped lump inside. She took a deep breath. “So... this team is gathered together to help me find something.” She narrowed her eyes. “Something that will get the heat off our backs and even possibly earn Trixie her stupid shack back.”

“Ooooh! Adventures! I love those things!”

“Mmmmffffnnnghll...”

“Heh, now we're talkin'!

“The Great and Powerful Trixie will do anything for her stup—... er, I mean her wonderfully crafted house back!”

Dun Dun Dunnerds

“You've got some explaining to do, bird-brain,” grumbled a suited stallion as he trotted over a dismantled wooden shack. Another stallion hoisted a mortar cannon over his shoulder while others searched the ruined edges of the gravel-filled quarry. “You told us that you wouldn't engage the targets. You said that you would wait for all of us to stage an attack at once.”

Romulus grumbled as he reached into a chunk of wooden debris, retrieving his scimitar. “I've said lots of things. But I'm a griffon of action.” He turned, glaring aside at his “partners.” “When an opportunity arises, I seize it.”

“So what do you call the bullcrap that just went down?!” the thug asked.

“Yeah, ya mangy pigeon?” Another stallion trotted up. “How are you going to explain this to our boss?” He smirked. “Or them diamond dogs? You know they're drooling for a slice of the pie as well.”

“The situation only went south because another one of Noir's agents arrived.”

“I thought you offed that bat-freak.”

“One doesn't simply murder the Lunar Code and get away with it,” Romulus droned. “Gentlecolts, we've ignited a tender box that won't go out until every shard is found.”

The stallions exchanged nervous glances.

“What's the matter?” Romulus smirked under his beak. “Getting cold hooves?”

One frowned at him. “You didn't tell us how deep this was gonna get.”

“Oh, it's deep, alright.” Romulus glared. “We're dealing with chaotic forces so ancient that they out-power abominable things that would make you pee into your mother's grave at the sight of them.” He gestured blindly towards the horizon. “If your boss failed to gather that from our meeting, then that's his fault, not mine.”

“This whole operation depends on you, pal,” another stallion said. “Don't botch this!”

“I was handling myself just fine until you ingrates began bombing me from the hillside.”

“I dunno...” One stallion glanced at another, chuckling. “You seemed to be having some trouble from our vantage point.”

“Heheheheh... yeah.”

Fwoooooosh! In a blink, Romulus had grabbed both stallions by the throat and lifted them a hundred feet up. The thugs below gasped, scrambling for their guns, but their two comrades were inescapably at the mercy of the enraged griffon's talons.

“You want a proper vantage point?” Romulus sneered in their faces. “How about this?”

“Grkkkkttk!” one sputtered.

The other struggled to speak. “Please... ngrkkktt... p-put us d-down-crkkktt!”

“I hate ponies,” Romulus growled, frowning. “I loathe their sissy habits, their hypocritical harmonic ways, their fuzzy coats. A bunch of slack-jawed hay-humpers, the whole lot of you. And even the ones who pretend to be 'tough,' like your illustrious fatass, Don Canter, are really just hydra fodder in the making. Oh, what I wouldn't give to gut each and every one of you namby-pamby princess prancers in your goddess-damn sleep.”

Fwoooosh! He swooped down, dropping the two quivering stallions like sacks of meat. Their companions rushed over to their side, checking on them.

“However...” Romulus hovered above the group. “...as I'm in it for the bits, I'm afraid the murder spree will have to wait.” He smiled sadistically. “I'll be glad to unleash my frustrations on this elusive Firefly. When Don Canter gets ahold of her body, he can mail her in a box to that hungry basilisk who won't shut up.”

“Nnngh... o-okay... Romulus...” one stallion wheezed, clutching at his throat.

“Whatever you s-say...”

“Good.” Romulus folded his lion-arms. “Good. Now... shall we get back to business?”

A stallion stood up, biting his lip. “Any s-suggestions?”

Romulus took a deep breath. “Believe it or not, I did a good hawk-scan of this town. That dull-gray mare who was with Firefly is a local known around these streets as 'Maud Pie.' Her father's an influential stallion with a rock farm located due west of the city proper.” He pointed at several thugs. “You... you and you. Go and pay her family a visit.”

“What for?”

“Leverage.” Romulus grinned. “If Firefly likes putting her partners into harm's way, then she'll have to learn to deal with the consequences.” He examined the sharpness of his scimitar, eyes twitching. “If she won't cough up the shards to us, then we'll be cooking her a sampling of humble Pie...” A grin. “...and she won't be liking the ingredients. No... not one bit.”

The Sorters Doo

Rainbow Dash slapped her saddlebag onto the wooden table in the center of the cave. “So, there're some pretty nasty bad dudes trying to get this shard before we do—”

“You mean before I do,” Daring said with a smirk.

Rainbow took a deep breath, ignored her, and went on. “And it so happens that I have a sample of the shard here. Which is what I was trying to get Trixie to sort earlier in order to—”

“If you think that the Great and Powerful Trixie is letting you get that anywhere near her horn again, you've got another thing coming!”

“Look, the first time was a fluke!” Rainbow exclaimed. “I'm sorry it happened! But we can't let the guys get the other shard that's hidden around here! We need you to scan it so we can find it!”

“Uh uh!” Trixie folded her forelimbs, tilting her nose up. “Absolutely not! The Great and Powerful Trixie hasn't even had the luxury of seeing it with her own eyes!”

“Come on! It's not like he's—I mean it's going to bite you!”

“Yeah!” Pinkie slid into place, inexplicably wearing a flannel shirt, jeans, and a bright orange jacket vest. “Besides, Trixie, it's only a lamp!”

“Pinkie, what are you even—?”

“Here!” Pinkie reached deep into Rainbow's bag.

Rainbow winced. “Wait! Don't—!”

Th-Thap! Pinkie slapped Lancie down onto the tabletop. The statue was frozen in a quirky pose, his talon raised, his jaws set in a goofy smile.

“Geuuugh!” Trixie shuddered. “How decidedly garish!”

“That's only because it doesn't have a lampshade!” Pinkie stuck her tongue out. “But Dashie wouldn't bring a non-functioning lamp! Now would she?!” She zipped out of view, zipped back, then slapped a light bulb into the statue's outstretched talon. The thing flickered to life, illuminating everypony's muzzle. “See?”

Rainbow Dash blinked.

“Heh...” Daring Do smirked. “Now I've seen everything.”

“Hmmmph.” Trixie pouted. “No doubt a souvenir from Ponyville. It certainly screams of their abominable taste.”

“I would very much like a rock dragon,” Maud muttered.

“He's not a dragon!” Rainbow snapped. “I-I mean it's not... it's only a statue! But what it's made of is the key!” Rainbow turned towards Trixie. “And we really need your help in sensing where there's more of what makes him up.”

“What's in it for Trixie?”

“Isn't it obvious?”

“Then tell her!”

Rainbow froze in mid-grin. She began twitching.

Daring slid up. “Come onnnnnn, girl!” She wrapped a forelimb around Trixie's side. “We're not only saving the world from psychotic griffons and corrupt criminals! We're going on an adventure! And when adventures happen, Daring Do's there! And when Daring Do's there...” She winked. “...epics get written.”

“Epics?”

“Daring Do Epics! Stories that will boggle the mind and enflame the senses! And I can already smell one coming up.” She cleared her throat and waved a hoof across the air. “Daring Do and the Sorters Too!” She nudged Trixie's side. “And guess who gets first billing as Daring Do's number one sidekick?”

“The... Gr-Great and Powerful Trixie?!”

Rainbow rolled her eyes.

“You bet, honeycakes!” Daring hovered in midair, striking a pose. “This book will sell millions! There'll be lines pouring out of Barnes and Neighbles for miles! Ponies will be clamoring to find out just who this 'Grape and Pantied Trudy' is!”

“Great and Powerful Trixie.”

“R-right!” Fwooosh! Daring squatted by her side again. “And with all that popularity and attention, you wouldn't just rebuild a wooden shack in the ravines of Dredgemane!”

“Tr-Trixie wouldn't?”

“You'd have yourself a mansion, girl!” Daring cackled. “Why live in squalor when you can live in luxury like you deserve to!”

“Hmmmm...” Trixie tapped her nose, smirking. “Trixie must admit, she would very much like to give up living around rocks for living around pillows!” She fanned herself, slightly flushed. “And handsome st-stallion butlers...”

Rainbow blinked.

“So there you have it!” Daring chirped. “Help us out and I promise you that you'll be on the path towards fame and fortune and all the other f-words that could grant your heart's desire!”

“Yeah, Trixie!” Pinkie bounced in place. “Take a leap of faith! Heeheehee!”

“Hmmm...” Trixie tightened the folds of her cape. “Very well! But if this flattens Trixie once more, then I'll lambast Ponyville up and down in the first autobiography Trixie writes!”

“Wow...” Rainbow muttered. “I'm quivering in my horseshoes.”

“Give it the zap already!” Daring sputtered.

“Alright...” Trixie cleared her throat, approached the “lamp,” and narrowed her eyes. “Here goes.”

“Hey! Everypony keep your mouths wide open!” Pinkie said. “If the statue explodes, we can die eating the yummy granules! Heehee!”

Maud blinked. “Rocks are crunchy.”

“Uhhhh huh.” Rainbow gulped and turned towards Trixie. “Just try your best.”

“Already... tr-trying...” Trixie grunted in mid-spell. Her horn glowed—as did her eyes—as she scanned the statue up and down. After a full minute of concentration, she leaned back, rubbing her head. Daring steadied her, squeezing the mare's shoulders like a boxer in between rounds.

“Well?” Rainbow leaned forward.

“Trixie senses... m-more of the chaos rock northwest of here,” the unicorn muttered, blinking tiredly. “And about eight hundred meters underground.”

“Northwest?” Maud droned. “Could you point in the direction?”

Trixie did so.

Maud looked at her outstretched hoof, then at Rainbow. “That should be the Elektra Site. It's an abandoned mineshaft located between Quarry A and Quarry B.”

“Can you get us in?” Daring asked.

“I can get us into any cave,” Maud said. “Rocks listen to me.”

“And I know the way to trot there!” Pinkie hopped. “Yipeee!”

“And so long as Trixie's horn is attached to Trixie's head, Trixie can help us on the inside!”

“Well?!” Daring hovered. “What are we waiting for?!”

All five mares climbed over a ridge, squinting into the windy overcast. Down below, squeezed between two quarries, was a tiny cave entrance roped off with red cones and rusted shingles. A sign hung on its edge, covered in grime. The words on it barely read: “Elektra Site – Abandoned Mine – Keep Out.”

“Certainly looks a lot smaller than I imagined,” Rainbow Dash said, shouldering her saddlebags with Lancie's weight.

“That's what she said.” Daring uttered, then giggled.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie demands to know why we took this tall, chilly route to get here!”

“Why else, silly?!” Pinkie hopped past her. “It'll look good for the trailer! Heeheehee!”

“Mrnnnfgg... the Great and Powerful Trixie thinks we should just get this over with.”

“Let us hurry along,” Maud said while inching her way down towards the shaft. “The hills have rocks... and those rocks have tiny eyes.”

Meanwhile, Rainbow leaned in to Daring Do. “You really... aren't going to make some widely published novel about all this, are you?”

“Why, of course I am! Ain't much point in adventuring if I've got nothing to show for it!”

“Well, you could be satisfied with your own accomplishments.”

“Pffft! What the buck is that supposed to mean?!”

“It means that showing off isn't everything!”

“Why do you strike me as a mare who wouldn't even begin to believe her own philosophy!”

“I mean it!” Rainbow sighed, fidgeting in her torn turquoise suit. “Sometimes the biggest joys in life are reveling in what you've done, even if you're the only mare who knows you've done it.”

“Yeesh!” Daring grimaced in the wind. “That sounds like a super miserable existence!”

“Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.” Rainbow frowned. “And besides, I really don't think you should be bragging about what's going on here with pen and paper!”

“Why not?”

“Because Noir has enemies all over the place and if they found out about us...” Rainbow winced. “Or if they found out about Ponyville—”

“Dunnnnnnnnn worry, girl!” Daring patted her head. “I'm no idiot! I change the names to protect the innocent!”

“Okay... that's... that's a little bit reassuring, I-I guess.”

“Besides.” Daring rolled her eyes, floating downhill with a smirk. “Who in their right mind is going to read what's happened today and even think that it's goofy enough to be real?!”

Lancie stuck his head out of her saddlebag. “She's got a point there.”

“Shuddup,” Rainbow muttered.

“You know, you should introduce me more to the pink one!” He smirked. “Her fuzzy fuzz tickles!”

“Will you can it already?”

“Heh heh heh...”

“Unnnngh...” Rainbow followed the mares into the cave's entrance. “Out of the frying pan and into the asylum...”

Daring Do, Where Are You?

“How much further along?” Rainbow asked.

“Much... much further,” Trixie said, grumbling. She squinted as she trotted slowly forward, aiming her glowing horn towards the end of the dark, dark tunnel. “It's somewhere deep below us. Trixie suspects a cavern of some sort.”

“Does a shaft lead into it?”

“Do I look like a 'Great and Powerful Spelunker?!'”

“Chillax, lady!” Rainbow stammered. “I'm just asking because I wanna know if I need to soar down somewhere to collect—”

“Just shut your trap and stay behind Trixie!”

“Hrmmm...” Rainbow frowned.

“You've gotta hoof it to her!” Daring smirked as she trotted beneath the mare. “She's got spunk!”

“Yeah, and no social sponge to soak it up with.”

“Says who?”

“Says the pegasus who witnessed first-hoof when Trixie showed up in Ponyville, the Town of Friendship, and FAILED.”

“Shhhhhh!” Trixie hissed. “This is not conducive to Trixie's concentration!”

“I take it you two have bad blood, huh?” Daring said.

“We have bad fuzz,” Rainbow grumbled. “The needle didn't even go deep enough to break a vessel.”

“Ahhh...” Daring paused to write in a notepad. “I see...”

“What are you, all of the sudden, some sort of pony psychologist?” Rainbow spat. “Take your... s-saddle soap opera somewhere else, lady!”

“No can do!” Daring flipped the notepad shut and continued trotting. “My adventure is my word and my word is my adventure! If I can't stop to take account of the ponies and their strengths and their weaknesses and their conflicts—”

“—uhhhh...”

“—then I can't possily begin to draft a good outline to my stories!” Daring smiled wide. “And sucky stories mean sucky bits. And sucky bits mean less cider at the bar on a Saturday.” She hovered just long enough to elbow Rainbow's side. “Ya get my drift, Drifty?”

Rainbow shoved her back, rubbing her ribcage with a frown. “Wow. I had no idea that writers were such fertilizer bags.”

“Hmm?”

Rainbow squinted at the adventurer. “Here we are in the belly of some goddess-forsaken mining town, facing dangerous caverns and killer griffons to fetch a piece of pure chaos, with Noir and the rest of the Lunar Code at risk—much less Equestria itself—and the only thing you can think of is how to turn it all into a book someday?”

“Well, look at you! Miss Crusader!” Daring saluted with a dirty wink. “And I suppose you're after the shard for purely altruistic reasons as well, huh?”

Rainbow opened her mouth, but hesitated. “Uhhm...”

“Were they the same reasons that brought you to Photo Finish's doorstop?” Daring grinned. “You do realize I'm not stupid, right? I knew the whole 'Firefly' thing was a cover even before your adorable pink friend arrived. Tell me, was the shard all that you robbed from Ms. Finish's panic room? Hmmm?”

“That shard was bad news for Photo and her entire family from the start,” Rainbow snarled. “You think Don Canter wants Noir's neck?! They were ready to gut Photo and her kids all in one go.”

“Oh, I know!” Daring nodded. “I witnessed you going to town on them in the Manehattan apartment building!”

Rainbow's eyes twitched. “You... s-saw that?!”

“Granted, my vision was a little foggy. I tend to suffer brief seizures when exposed to... oh, I dunno... chaotic photo collages.” Daring stuck her tongue out. “You're a clumsy adventurer... but you obviously know how to get the job done.” She smiled as she trotted ahead. “That's why I let you get away with the shard in Neigh York.”

Rainbow frowned. “What do you mean you 'let me get away' with it?!”

“Just what it sounds like!” Daring called back. “But that was your only freebie, Champ! This time, the shard's going home with me. This is my time to get the glory from the Lunar Code!”

“You... can't possibly be friggin' serious.”

“Hey, nobody reads a book about the sidekick, now do they?” Daring giggled. “Your help is appreciated, Firefly... Rainbow Dash... whatever your real name is.” She glanced back with a wicked smirk. “But when all of this is said and done—team or no team—I go in and alone and I come out alone, always with what I want.”

“I might have a disagreement with that.”

“And you might turn water into piss. Everything falls down when kicked in the right place. Keep that in mind when it's my time to shine.”

“But... y-you can't possibly expect me to—”

“Whoah, there, Merylnette!” Daring steadied Trixie's shoulder. “Careful! Almost tripped over a crag in the floor there!”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie thanks you.”

“Hey! No problem! That's me! Daring Do! Team Player Extraordinaire!” She chuckled, keeping close to the unicorn. “Stick with me, and no more bad stuff will happen to you.”

“Good, because that rainbow pony has done nothing but bring Trixie heartache.”

“Ha ha! I know, right?! Say, have you ever read...”

Rainbow slowed her flight, allowing the two to shuffle out of earshot. Rainbow glared at the bobbing light of Trixie's horn and how it cast Daring's shadow in multiple places. She sighed, then glanced over her shoulder. “You two sisters having fun back there?”

“Sure thing, Dashie!” Pinkie bounced, wearing a tight blue shirt with a snow-white cap. “Escapade Time! Heehe—or something like that.”

“We are surrounded by rocks,” Maud droned. A few seconds later. “I am having the time of my life.”

“Nnnngh...” Rainbow slumped in mid-drift. “If you say so. Celestia, I feel like an extra band pony in the brass section...”

Lancie slipped his muzzle out of the bag. “Don't you mean a 'fifth-wheel?'”

“Dude!” Rainbow hissed, slapping her satchel with a turquoise-sleeved hoof. “Stay in there!”

“I-I just felt it was a good opportunity for a title-drop!”

“Knock it off! For real!”

“Say Dashie!” Pinkie sing-songed. “Who are you grunting secretly to?!”

“Oh... uhm...” Rainbow fidgeted. “The rocks! I was t-talking to the rocks!”

“What did they say?” Maud asked.

Rainbow blinked back at her.

“Sometimes,” Maud droned. “They tell me to set fire to the drapes.” A three and a half second blink. “That's when I decide it's time to talk to concrete instead.”

Shaft Hanger

“Hold it.” Trixie held a hoof out. “This is the drop.”

“Drop?” Rainbow Dash asked, peering into the light from Trixie's horn. “What drop?”

“Ooooh!” Pinkie slid forward. “You mean like Gum Drops? Or vanilla lemon drops?”

“Pinkie!” Rainbow grabbed the mare before she could plunge into a dark hole. “Will you watch it?!”

“I left the bouncing ball back in Ponyville!” The mare stuck her tongue out. “Besides, we're not singing anything yet! Heeheehee!”

“I miss your priceless attitude, Pinkie,” Maud droned.

“Yes, a veritable antique.” Daring strolled up. “So what do we have here, eh, Star-Spangled-Unicorn?” She slapped the rock floor in front of her. “Explain! Chop chop!”

“Down there...” Trixie pointed. “...in that insufferably deep hole, is the rock that you are looking for.”

“You sure about that?” Rainbow asked.

“Who are you to doubt the Great and Powerful Trixie?!”

Rainbow snarled. “Who are you to lose your Great and Powerful Teeth?!”

“Now now, girls!” Pinkie squeezed right between them. “Let's not lose calcium over this! After all, the Tooth Shall Set You Free! Heeheehee!”

“I think I need stitches,” Maud murmured.

“Really?” Daring smirked. “Ever read my guidebook: 'The Daring Do First Aid Manual 101?'” She winked at Rainbow. “Wrote that on the side. Made enough money to buy a summer home in Fillyda.”

“Look, will everypony just put a sock in it?!” Rainbow Dash spread her forelimbs out. After a deep breath, she turned to Trixie. “Trixie...”

“That's the 'Great and Power—'”

“Whatever.” Rainbow frowned. “Look... just how far down is this shard, anyway?”

“That's for you to find out! Not Trixie!”

“Huh?”

The unicorn upturned her nose. “Trixie's horn has dug its way far enough into darkness and danger! Now the pegasus gets to use her wings the rest of the way!” Holding her breath, Trixie zapped a nearby rock, blasting it into a soft mound of powdery gravel. “Mmmm...” She turned around three times and laid down. “Trixie will wait for you to insure that the shard's collected and her house can be rebuilt.”

“I... don't think that flying straight down a dark shaft is a very smart idea.” Rainbow gulped. “Besides, what lies above the surface of Dredgemane sucks enough as it is. I don't think I'd be too warm to discover what's beneath.”

“Ha!” Daring grinned as she stepped up to the shaft, spreading her wings. “I knew you'd chicken out eventually!”

“H-huh?!”

“Just sit right here, Champ!” Daring prepared to plunge. “I'll be in and out before you can say 'conception!' Ha!”

“H-hold on there!” Rainbow bit onto her tail-hairs and yanked her back. Her eyes bulged, and she spat out several gray threads, grimacing. “Yeesh... I dunno how AJ does it.”

“Huh?!” Daring frowned. “Look, if you want a piece of the spotlight, now's not a good time to squabble for it, kiddo!”

“It's not about the dang spotlight!” Rainbow hissed. “Don't you realize how stupid and boneheaded it is to dive down there alone?!”

“I dunno...” Daring smirked. “You look like you've passed Bonehead 101.”

“Th-that's not the point!”

“Hey! It was a compliment!” Daring winked. “Though I bet you've waited a long time to play the role of 'scaredy pants.' Not that I can blame you when you're in my presence. I am all about Danger, after all.”

“For crying out loud...”

“You? You strike me as Queen Cow-Tipper of Mediocrity!”

“Can we just think this through?!” Rainbow Dash snarled. “Believe it or not, I don't want to get any of you gals hurt! If we split up now, who knows what could happen?!”

“Oooh!” Pinkie raised her forelimb. “I know! Pick me! Me me me me!”

“What is it now, pink one?” Trixie groaned.

The mare beamed. “Could we be ripped to shreds by the angry griffon armed with slicey-sharp swords?!”

“Uhhhhh...” Rainbow blinked. “What griffon?”

Pinkie turned and pointed down the way in which they came. “That griffon! The one that's been following us for the last fifteen minutes!”

Swisssssssh! Romulus sped down the mine, his blades glinting in the glow of lanterns being carried by henchstallions galloping behind him, all armed with metal clubs. “It's over, Firefly! End of the line!” He jeered. “We're going to paint the walls of this place with your insides!”

“Gaaaah!” Rainbow Dash yelped. “How in the heck did they find me?!”

“Bread crumbs,” Maud said.

“Huh?!”

Maud pointed at tiny morsels littering the cave floor. “My sister's recipe. Pinkie Pie likes to bake muffins... almost as much as she likes to eat them.”

Daring and Rainbow blinked at each other, then glared at Pinkie.

“Mrmmmfff... what?” Pinkie gulped some blueberry dough down and blushed. “They're to die for!” She wiped her crumbly cheek. “Literally...”

Filly Destination

“He's flying ridiculously quickly,” Maud droned below the percussion of everypony else's adrenalized heartbeats. “I don't think any of us have time for another monologue.”

“Right, I-I heard you!” Rainbow said, twirling around.

“Although I certainly would not mind quoting Flankespeare's Taming of the Sedimentary—”

“I said I heard you!” Rainbow spun towards Trixie. “Trixie! Quick! Give them the zap or something!”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie deals exclusively in transfiguration magic!”

“You've gotta be kidding me!”

“Hmmmph!” She folded her forelimbs under her starry cloak. “What does Trixie look like?! A black mage?!”

“You're going to be a dead mage if you don't do something to save our skins?!”

“Why me?! I'm the dainty rock sorter, remember?!”

“She's got a point there, Dashie!” uttered Pinkie, munching a muffin while sporting a yellow/purple striped shirt with a red baseball cap. “Didn't you read her letters from the end of the world?!”

“Pinkie... NOT helping!”

“Alright, enough spastic dialogue.” Daring cracked the joints in her neck while dragging a threatening hoof across the stone floor. She faced the glinting light that signified the approach of Romulus and his daggers. “You want this goose cooked?! I'm the pony for it!”

“Finally!” Trixie squawked. “A ruffian who knows how to ruff around!”

“Who wants to die first?!” Romulus' voice carried ahead of him.

“Daring, it's too dangerous,” Maud said. Three seconds of blinking. “He's a griffon.”

“Griffons don't surf!” Daring galloped straight into the fray.

“Daring, Don't!” Rainbow's voice cracked.

Rat-A-Tat-Tat-Tat-Tat-Tat! A dozen rifle muzzles flashed from further down the tunnel. Bullets from the henchstallions ping'd and clonk'd across the rocks, sending the mares diving for cover.

“Crud crud crud!” Daring came zipping back, ducking behind a cleft of rocks beside Rainbow. “Okay! So they brought guns to a Fuzzy Convention!”

“I was trying to tell you!” Rainbow spat.

“Well, you should have tried to tell me harder!” Daring spat back.

“Well, somepony do something!” Trixie hollered. “Trixie doesn't want a Great and Powerful cremation!”

“What's everypony freaking out about?!” Pinkie scarfed down the last muffin, gulped, and turned towards Maud. “Mad Maud?!” Her eyelashes fluttered. “Pretty pleeeeease?”

Maud trot-trot-trotted towards the middle of the tunnel, deadpan as a slab of granite. She faced Romulus as he was meters away. Then, raising her hoof, she brought it down like a limp gavel.

SMASSSSSSSSSSSSSH!!! Maud's limb was still somehow capable of leveling a ginormous crater in the center of the earthen corridor. The ceiling right in front of her collapsed with an avalanche of gravel and stone.

Romulus gasped, dragging his wings in the air. He nevertheless slammed into the crumbled wall and drifted backwards, shaking his beak dizzily. After several moments of gawking at the inexplicable wall, he heard the loud hoofsteps and panting breaths of his evil allies catching up with him.

“What in Tartarus?!”

“They... th-they sealed themselves in!”

“Grrrr!” One thug slapped the butt of his rifle across Romulus' tail. “Way to go, ya freakazoid—”

SMACK! Romulus back-kicked him in the muzzle. The thug fell to his knees, letting loose a blood-curdling shriek into his folded forelimbs.

The other thugs shuddered as Romulus spun towards them. “Did you or did you not bring explosives?!”

“We... we d-did, Romulus!”

“Then blow!” he hollered, hawkeyes twitching.

The mobsters sped back and forth, collecting dynamite along the edges of the collapsed wall.

Rainbow Dash and Trixie stared—jaws agape—at the mess Maud had made. Random pebbles continued to fall, ricocheting off their skulls, but their numb shock kept them from budging.

Maud turned around, blinking into the dim light from Trixie's horn—their only source of illumination at this point. “I hope you all know that I would never hurt rocks unless I had a very good reason to.”

“Why... d-didn't... you... do... that... before?!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

Maud took three and a half seconds to blink. “Because nopony asked me to.”

Pinkie Pie giggled, cartwheeling past her sister.

“Nnnnngh...” Rainbow dragged a hoof across her muzzle.

“Hmmm...” Daring smirked, tapping her chin. “A heavy hitter like that would be useful on more adventures.” She leaned forward. “Hey! Bright-eyes! How do you think you'd look in olive-drab?”

“I haven't worn anything green since that one time I got lost in a sea of green algea and my sisters all got amoebic dysentery while trying to fish me out.” She blinked. “We all had apple cider doughnuts in the hospital. They were tasty.”

“Takes a licking and keeps on ticking! I like that!”

“What do we do now?!” Trixie stammered, shivering. “Trixie can hear those dumb oxes trying to claw through from the other side!”

“They blew up your house with mortars, Trixie,” Rainbow grunted. “I'm sure they'll find faster ways to 'carve' through the rock.”

“It was you who blew up Trixie's Great and Powerful House!”

“Really?! You're still on that?!”

“The Sorceror's Apprentice chick has a good point,” Daring said, gazing around at the rocky obstructions. “We're kind of up a creek... or down one, if you think about it.”

“Then where do we go?!” Trixie exclaimed.

“Pffft! Forgetty-forgetter-ponies! Don't you remember?”

Everypony spun to see Pinkie standing on the very edge of the dark shaft.

“Trixie's horniness pointed us down the world's gullet!” Pinkie said, pointing into the abyss. “Can't be too hard to follow along the dotted line! Just let gravity be your guide!” That said, she jumped and performed a perfect cannonball. “Weeeeeeeee!” She disappeared.

“Pinkie!” Rainbow gasped, lunging forward on wide wings.

“What?” Pinkie's head popped up suddenly. With a smile, she gestured towards a rusty metal platform suspended on tight cables. The grated slab creaked and groaned from her weight. “A lift! See? Isn't it uplifting?! Huh?! Heehee!”

Rainbow sighed with relief.

“Uhhh...” Daring trotted up, speaking above the sound of scraping hooves on the far side. “I think we could do with some downlifting right about now.” She wagged her eyebrows.

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “One of these days, I want to almost die in a less stupid way...”

Well... Buck...

“What are you waiting for?!” Romulus snarled.

“Explosive ordinance won't prime itself, y'know!” one of Don Canter's thugs grumbled from where he knelt before the stack of dynamite. “You wanna blow a path to those mares or bury them?!”

“Both!” Romulus exclaimed, waving a dagger. “Anything to get them to croak up the whereabouts of the shard!”

“And what if they've got nothing to tell us?!”

“They will,” Romulus snarled. “Even if I gotta carve it out of their stupid horse brains. Now hurry up!”

“Just gotta set the charge!” One stallion attached a metal wire to the dynamite and unrolled it back up the cave to where a triggering mechanism was being erected. “We'll be lucky if this doesn't crush us too!”

“Let me be the judge of what's lucky or unlucky,” Romulus said, sneering under his beak as he stared at the imposing wall of collapsed rocks.

“Okay, careful!” Rainbow insisted, waving her forelimbs. “One pony at a time!”

“The oxidation of this metal is quite extreme,” Maud said as she trotted down onto the teetering platform beside her sister. “I do not think it will be able to carry us back up.”

“Let's worry about 'getting away from the blast radius' part right now!” Rainbow sputtered. “Trixie?! Get a move on!”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie d-does not think th-that this elevator is very stable!”

“Well...” Daring floated by. “There's one quick way to find out!” She spun and bucked Trixie in the rear. WHAP!

“Aaaaaie!” Trixie plunged forward, landing chest-first against Pinkie Pie. “Ooof!”

“Hiya, Trixie!” Pinkie grinned from beneath her. “Has anypony ever told you that your mane smells like toothpaste?!”

“Grrrrr!” Trixie shoved herself off of Pinkie and clung to her cloak while frowning up the shaft. “Nopony... and I means nopony kicks the Great and Powerful Trixie's flank!”

“A little late on the draw there, cupcake.”

“I mean it! Trixie will sue!”

“Go on ahead!” Daring grinned. “Considering the bits that this latest book will rake in, I'll settle in an instant!”

“Do you really have a soul somewhere inside all of that mess you call a body?” Rainbow squinted. “Or would somepony have to scrape it out with a teaspoon?”

“Watch it, speedy.” Daring pointed with a wink. “You're second billing... for now.”

“Look, we haven't much time and—”

“Then start looking for a lever, genius!”

“Uhhhh...”

“Over there?” Daring droned, pointing at the edge of the shaft. “In the lever space?”

“Whoah! I totally missed it!”

“Don't worry.” Daring shrugged. “It comes with doing dungeons in my sleep.”

“That explains why your growth's so stunted.”

“You're one to talk, pint-size.”

“Seriously? Even you?”

“PULL THE LEVER ALREADY!” Trixie shrieked.

“Right!” Rainbow zipped over and clasped the rusted stick with her hoof. “Brace yourselves—!”

“Okay, brace yourselves!” Several henchstallions galloped behind a pile of rocks while one thug gripped the trigger to the dynamite. “This is going to be loud!”

“Just do it!” Romulus said, clinging to the floor with razor-sharp talons. “If they get away, I promise, you're done for!”

The thug sighed. “To think I gave up hoofball coaching for this.” He shoved the trigger.

Schlunk!

Rainbow gripped the lever. “And a one... and a two... and a—”

KABOOOOOM!

“Gaaaaaah!” Rainbow fell under the cascade of flaming stone debris.

“Whoah-ho-ho-ho!” Daring Do dove and rolled about to dodge the shrapnel from the blast. “Michael Buck, eat your heart out!”

A loud groaning sound echoed across the chamber.

“Uhhhhhhm...” Maud slurred, clinging to Pinkie Pie.

“Trixie doesn't like the sound of that—”

SNAP! The cable holding the lift broke down the center. With a thunderous roar, the platform with the three ponies plunged into the dark shaft at an alarming rate, followed by the chunks of rocky debris still toppling from the explosion.

Rainbow wheezed, opened her eyes, and gasped down the tunnel. “Pinkie!”

“Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...” and the three ponies disappeared from sight.

Smashing Success

"Daring, dive!" Rainbow shouted.

"For the last time, my name is Daring Do!"

"For real, dang it!" Rainbow dropped like a fuzzy blue anvil into the shaft, muzzle first. "We gotta outrace 'em!"

"What for?!" Daring zipped after Rainbow. "It's not like either one of us can hold paste!"

"Stop talking like that!" Rainbow snarled. "There's no time for it!"

"Right! They'll be glue within seconds!"

"Just hurry the buck up!" Rainbow hollered over the sound of craggy rocks soaring past her ears. She hurled herself downward on viciously flapping wings, listening for the scrape of the collapsing platform against the shaft's walls. "Nnnngh! Wh-what I wouldn't give for a necklace or something to light my way... PINKIE!" She yelled. "Hold on!"

"Weeeeeeeeee! Best. Death. Plunge. Everrrrrrrr!"

"Trixie!" Rainbow yelled. "See if you can do something with your freaky magic to slow the fall!"

"Yeah!" Daring echoed from behind Rainbow's tail. "And think happy thoughts!"

"Dang it, Daring..."

A voice warbled upwards. "Trixie... c-can't figure out where the wall of the shaft is!"

"It's the big loud thing fwooshing past you on all friggin' sides!"

"... Oh! ... Trixie must be deaf!"

"Just do something! Anything! Leyline that crud! Hurry!"

A spark of light ignited from far below, followed by the echoing sounds of Trixie's pained grunts.

"I... I-I can't see!" Rainbow wheezed, craning her neck. "Is... is she doing it?"

Daring blinked against the stuffy air currents. "Either that or she's making love to an electric eel."

"Wait!" Rainbow's voice cracked as she pointed ahead. "I see something!"

Below the two diving pegasi, a rectangular shape could be seen, showering the shaft with sparks. Two earth ponies clung to one another while a unicorn with a billowing cloak stood, her horn brighter than the moon.

"Nnnnnghhhh-ghhhghh!" Trixie hissed, her tensely grimacing face covered in sweat. "Trixie's... never... f-felt... so... a-a-alive... grnnghhh!"

"That's our ticket!" Rainbow swooped down, squeezed between the bars of the platform, and hovered dangerousl below it. "Now we j-just gotta find a way to stop it!"

"Stop it?! Shoot!" Daring slipped through and pressed her forelimbs up against the platform. "The best we can do is just slow the damn thing! Follow my lead, champ!"

"Guhhh!" Rainbow shoved against the other side of the platform across from Daring. "What's th-this gonna accomplish?!"

"That's up to the rest of the entourage!" Smiling sweatily, Daring shouted through the bars of the platform. "Hey! One of you figure out a way to hop off this thing!"

"Uhhhh..." Pinkie Pie blinked. "And go where?"

"I feel a gentle breeze coming from somewhere!"

"You sure that's not Trixie's magic?"

"This shaft is being ventilated! I think the walls are thin! There must be another passage nearby!"

"Yeah, but wh-where?!" Rainbow sputtered.

"Losing... my... c-cohesion!" Trixie slurred.

Scraaaape! The platform lurched a bit from the unicorn's telekinetic grip.

"Gnnngh!" Daring grunted as she and Rainbow struggled to hold the platform still. "Somepony, do something stupid-smart!"

"Sounds like my cue!" Pinkie Pie picked up Maud. "Maudy, put your hoof out."

"Okay, Pinkie." The mare stretched like a club in Pinkie's grip.

"Hrnnnttt!" Pinkie swung the mare so that her hoof struck a wall. POWWW! A giant crater formed, exposing nothing. "Nope!" She spun and bashed Maud's hoof against the adjacent wall. SMASSSSH! Dust and soot. "Nope!" She spun again. CRASSSH!

Rainbow Dash winced from all the dust and pebbles pelting her. The platform lurched again as Trixie's magic started to fade. "For Celestia's sake, girls! Hurry up!"

"Only one more wall leffft!" Pinkie swung Maud like a baseball bat. CRACKKK! Pale light wafted through a fresh hole in the shaft beside the platform. "Hah!" Pinkie gasped, then melodically jingled: "Da da doo doo doo da daaaaaa!"

"We have found an escape from certain death," Maud droned in Pinkie's grip.

"Great!" Daring shouted. "Hop on through, be fruiful, multiply n'stuff!"

"Zoop!" Pinkie carried Maud as the two leapt into the adjacent chamber. "Hey, good news, everypony! The floor's covered in strawberry jam!"

"Actually, Pinkie, that is bat guano."

"Oh... well it still smells like something Gummy would eat!"

"Daring..." Rainbow hissed.

"Heh, if you insist, partner." Daring released her grip of the platform, zipped through the bars, and clasped onto the side of the fresh hole. "Come on in, kid! The water's fine!"

"Trixie... is... officially..." The unicorn's eyes rolled back as she collapsed across the platform. "...pooped." Her horn shorted out.

"Grrrrrrr..." Growling for good measure, Rainbow slipped through the bars platforms as it fell past her. She scooped up Trixie, kicked off the opposite wall, and dove through the hole just milliseconds before the resounding crash below sent a wave of dust and debris flying up the shaft, blinding everypony and everything.

As the dust settled, everypony was coughing and sputtering, including Maud. A pink figure hopped up and down in the middle of them.

"Woohooo!" Pinkie Pumped her guano-stained hoof in the air. "Again! Let's do it again!"

In Want of a Preface

From high above, the smoke from the explosives were just beginning to clear. Romulus marched through the crumbling debris and peered down at the top of the shaft. His hawkeyes narrowed scrutinizing every shape and shadow. He could almost detect the barest hint of light, flickering in a distant sliver.

“Did we get 'em?” asked one of the henchstallions as he shuffled up to stare down alongside the griffon. “Whew! That's a long way down to crap yourself into oblivion!”

“It's hard to say,” the bounty hunter hissed through his sharp beak. “Grab your climbing gear. I'm going to inspect for bodies.”

“Hey. Right after you, sport.”

Romulus was already diving. He soared down the tight tunnel, his wings spread to occupy two-thirds of the shaft's width. The further he descended, the more he could make out the patch of brightly-lit space in the wall of the vertical tunnel below him.

“Oh for Tartarus' sake...” He sneered. “What are these damn ponies made out of?!” Schiiiiiing! He flew swiftly for the break in the wall, scimitar first. “Yaaaaaaaaugh—”

The adjacent corridor exploded from the other side, forcing a spray of sharp rocks and heavy stones to spill out. Romulus was nearly clipped in mid-air. He pulled his wings back, somersaulted, and bumped hard into the wall while shielding himself from the spray of pebbles. Once the ordeal was over, he snarled and punched the nearest slab of rock.

“Damn it to Tirek's dunghole!” He spat. “I've had it with this?!”

“Having some trouble down there, foghorn?!” slurred one of the thugs from above.

“Never you mind!” Romulus growled. As he heard the rattling of climbing equipment, he shot his beak up and yelled. “And bring some more damn explosives!”

Maud lowered her hoof and pivoted away from the collapsed opening in the wall. “There. The rocks are on our side. I've made sure of it.”

“Way to go, Mable!” Daring cheered.

“Maud.”

“You're a game changer indeed, Megan!” Daring winked. “Glad to have you on the team!” She twirled about. “'So, as Daring and her inteprid partners covered their tracks, they took the time to survey their labyrinthine surroundings and find a new avenue by which to pursue their elusive—'”

“Hey! Books by Tape! Shut it!” Rainbow grumbled as she peered around a cleft of rock into a looming cavern beyond. “You can dictate your vanglorious horse hockey later!”

“Hah!” Daring grinned. “And since when were you voted to be our illustrious leader?!”

“Hey! I've got an idea for a literary segment!” Rainbow spun about with a plastic grin. “How about 'Reading Rainbow!'” She frowned. “The next time you say one sentence about your stupid books, you're gonna have a rock the size of an encyclopedia shoved up your plot! But don't take my word for it!”

Pinkie Pie jingled. “Duh duh DA! Snkkkt—Ee-hee-hee-hee!”

“I just think it's a little bit presumptuous for you to be taking orders when I'm the one and only certified adventurer in this cave!”

“Uh... excuse me?!” Rainbow glared across the way. “I don't know anything about adventuring?!”

“Hey, if the shoe fits, champ.” Daring smirked. “Or, in this case, slips off completely and gives you hoof-and-mouth disease. Heheheh.”

“I haven't fought cyclopses, basilisks, diamond dogs, and mobsters just to fill up amateur hour!” Rainbow snarled, pointing at her turquoise-suited chest. “Have you ever kicked a dragon in the face?! Or stared down Nightmare Moon?! Or danced with the buffalo in the pale moonlight?!”

“Well then...” Daring Do adjusted her helmet and grinned slyly. “If you're such a prodigy of adventure... how come you've never written a book about it?!”

“Well m-maybe... uh... I-I'll have some other pony write my life's story someday!” Rainbow's voice cracked. “And boy wouldn't you be eating them words!”

“Considering the fact that you penned them, I'd probably crap 'em out like corn kernels within a minute.”

“Grrrrrrrrr—”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie demands silence!” roared the unicorn.

“Ha! See?!” Rainbow smirked. “Even she's on my—”

“Both of you!” Trixie hissed, trotting ahead and carrying the only light with them. “Trixie senses something ahead. It might be a path out of here.”

“Or to the shard that you are sorting,” Maud droned.

“Are you out of your stale pony mind?!” Trixie hollered back. “Trixie did not sign up for this fecal matter! The soonest shaft out of this hole-in-the ground, Trixie is so out of here!”

“And let those bad-bad-baddies get away with their bad-bad-bad things?!” Pinkie sing-songed.

“What in Luna's name are you babbling about?”

“My sister Pinkie is right,” Maud said, trotting slowly towards the front of the claustrophobic procession. “Those malevolent ponies back there have shown that they're willing to endanger all lives in order to get to what they want. Whatever this rock is that Rainbow and Daring need, it's best that we get to it so that the fiends don't hurt anyone else.”

“You've got to be kidding me!” Trixie frowned. “You think the Great and Powerful Trixie will actually put her life in more danger for a dumb rock?”

“You misunderstand me,” Maud said, glancing at her with a liquid blink. “It was not a request.”

“Oh really?”

“Indeed.” Maud pivoted like a tortoise and leisurely tapped a patch of stone in front of them. POWWWWWW! A hole opened instantly, four times the size of any single one of them.

Daring, Rainbow, and Trixie huddled as a group, shivering.

“Look.” Maud pointed. “I found us a shortcut.” She inched her way forward, exploring. “We had better make tracks.”

“You said it, Maudville!” Pinkie Pie bounced after her. “Come on, girls! Last one in's a rotten cupcake! Heeheehee!”

Trixie gulped. “Trixie changes her mind. So long as Trixie is on Maud's side, she will go anywhere she has to.”

“Hey!” Daring beamed. “I just got the title for this book!” She spun and grinned at Rainbow Dash. “Daring Do and the Maud Squad! Eh? Eh?” She grinned.

Seconds passed.

Rainbow yanked her pith helmet over her muzzle.

Slice of Cave Fic

“Trixie's hooves are getting tired,” the unicorn muttered as the group lurched along. “How long has Trixie been walking?”

“You tell us, Shiny!” Daring Do said as the five mares traversed the edge of a dark abyss along the lateral edge of a winding cavern. “I thought your horn was doing the gruntwork! Not your legs!”

“Hmmph...” Trixie frowned, sweating. “This darn shard of yours is proving to be far more elusive than Trixie imagined!” She glanced over her shoulder. “Just what is it gonna do when we find it?” She blinked. “Besides fix Trixie's house...”

“A lot of good in our hooves,” Rainbow said. “A lot of bad in theirs.”

“Just where are the bad-bad-baddies, anyway?” Pinkie asked, inexplicably wearing a black tuxedo and a top hat. “Did we lose them at the last Clopper Barrel? Heeeheehee-snkkkt!”

“The further we trot away from those miscreants, the better, Trixie says!”

“You should really look where you're walking, Trixie,” Maud droned. “One slip, and you'll fall into a pit of evil rocks.”

“Pfft. How do you know they're evil, Meredith?” Daring asked.

A three-and-a-half-second blink. “Because they're not smiling.”

“Say, you're the resident rock-whisperer,” Daring said with a smile. “Could you tell if we're getting any higher or deeper in the belly of the earth?”

“It's less like a belly and more like a womb,” Maud muttered.

“Oooh!” Pinkie grinned. “Does that mean when its water breaks, we'll have struck an aquafer?!”

“Once again, Pinkie, your poignant rock humor has left me in stitches.”

“Heeheehee! I-I know! Hahaha! You really can't control yourself, can ya, Maud?!”

“Ungh!” Trixie moaned, stumbling with each step. “Can somepony carry Trixie?! I swear... I'm going to collapse on my Great and Powerful tushie!”

“'Tushie?!'” Daring raised an eyebrow. “What are you, five?”

“Well, just what do you call your behind?”

“My compass guide! HA! Get it?!”

“Nnnnngh...”

“That was everypony's favorite part of Daring Do and the Bloodstone Boils. They all asked about it at the last Megacolt Convention...”

“I had bloodstone boils once,” Maud murmured. A blink. “It was not fun.”

“Yeah, well, that's the magic of a good book, girl. You can make light of anything that you otherwise couldn't... erm... sit out.”

“I will take your anecdote into consideration.”

All the while, Rainbow Dash was flexing her forelimb, wincing at the feel of a slight tingling sensation. “Darn it,” she muttered, flying high above the group. “It hasn't even been three days, has it?”

Lancie stuck his head out of the satchel. “Three days? Has it only been that long?”

“Shhh!” Rainbow hissed. “Keep your voice down!”

“Because I could have sworn you spent at least a week-and-a-half inside that last mine shaft alone.”

“Where were you when my friends were plunging to their deaths?”

“Wondering why I wasn't plunging along with them in order to qualify as your friend.” He smirked. “Quite a motley crew you have assembled, by the way. Or perhaps I should say 'maudly crew.'”

“Unnnnnnnnnngh...” Rainbow groaned.

“Heh! Sorry! Couldn't resist!” Lancie smirked. “Admit it. You knew I had to throw one in at least.”

“What are you moaning about, Dashie?” Pinkie chirped from below.

“Uhhhhh...” Rainbow fidgeted.

“Psssst...” Lancie pointed a stone talon at Rainbow's legs. “No shame in resting them. I think it'd be good for morale.”

Rainbow glanced over her shoulder. “Since when did you get so smart?” she murmured.

“Just minding your P's and Q's for you,” he said, ducking back into the saddlebag. “But mostly just the Q's.”

“Uh huh. Sure.”

“Dashie...?”

Rainbow cleared her throat and glanced down. “We should... like... take a break.”

“Yes!” Trixie wheezed, slumping against the wall of a flat plateau overlooking the abyss. “Finally!”

“Pfft!” Daring spun, glaring. “You serious?”

“We're going to be no good arriving at our destination if we're all dead tired!”

“Well, nuts to that!” Pinkie said, frowning. “I'm not even remotely tired!” She stood in place for a few seconds. “... ... ...” THUD! She face-planted, instantly snoring. “Zzzzzzz-shnorrrrrrrr.”

As her top hat slowly fluttered down to rest on her poofy pink head, Maud strolled over, grabbed her by the tail, and slid her over to the wall beside Trixie. “I'll look after her... make sure Pinkie doesn't roll into a deathly plunge in the middle of her slumber.”

“Ungh...” Daring rolled her eyes. “Oh, alright.” She smirked. “But I'm on guard duty first!”

“Guard duty?” Rainbow asked.

“Yeah! Y'know... cycled waking patrols! I know we've put some distance between us and the Jerk Squad.”

“Not to mention several twists and turns, thanks to yours truly,” Trixie yawned.

“Right. But you need somepony loyal and trustworthy and dashing to make sure that no one gets the jump on us while we're sawing wood!”

“Whatever floats your boat, girl,” Rainbow said as she sat down beside Trixie and Maud.

“Heh, at least I'm fit enough to keep rowing it!”

Rainbow said nothing.

“That's it?” Daring squinted. “No snappy comeback or egotistical kick to the groin?”

“Wake me up when I care,” Rainbow grunted, curling up against the wall and shutting her eyes.

Daring blinked. “Hmmph...” She frowned, folded her forelimbs, and went fluttering off down the edge of the underground canyon.

Trixie blinked, then smiled tiredly at Rainbow. “Congratulations. I think that miffed her more than anything else could have.”

“Hmmmm...” Rainbow smiled sleepily. “I've perfected my passive-aggressiveness.”

“Indeed, you have!”

“Comes from listening to you all the time,” Rainbow yawned.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie agrees with—Hey!”

Intermissionary Position

“Snkkkkkkkkt—choo-choo-choo-choo-choo...” Pinkie Pie snored, her ears flopping in her sleep while her body slept up againt Maud like she was a pony-sized gray pillow. “Snkkkkkkkkt—choo-choo-choo-choo-choo. Snkkkkkkt...”

Rainbow Dash lay on her back several feet away from the cluster of slumbering mares. She stared dully past them with bloodshot eyes, gazing into the abyss beyond the nearest cliff. Behind her, the saddlebag shuffled around until a little stone statue poked out his little stone head.

“Yeesh!” Lancie murmured. “And I thought you snored loudly, Sparky.”

“Cut her a break,” Rainbow muttered. “She's a lot louder when she's awake.”

“Yes.” Lancie blinked. “I noticed.” His stone lips curved. “I rather like it, too.”

“You would.”

“And to think that you actually run in circles with ponies who actually enjoy life.”

Rainbow squinted back at him. “What's that supposed to mean?” her voice cracked raspily. “I enjoy life just fine!”

“Yeah, for the few spare moments you spend it with Duchess Frecklestanista.”

“Nnngh...” Rainbow curled her hooves over her ears. “Not this again...”

“What?” Lancie smirked. “I'm pretty sure our conversation on that never ended.”

“You and I are just one bigflank conversation that never ends,” Rainbow groaned. “With brief intermissions of explosions and butt kicking.”

“Would you have it any other way?”

“Meh.”

“I've got a question for you, Sherclop.” Lancie crawled over and perched on her shoulder. “What are you going to do now that the Living Pink knows all about your double life?”

“The hay are you going on about?”

“Ms. Fuzzhead herself!” He pointed across the way at Pinkie. “She now knows that you go out on long quests to fetch chaos shards!”

“Yeah, so?” Rainbow shrugged and turned over with a yawn. “Pinkie knows lots of things.”

“Oh really...”

“Yeah. She just... n-never lets on about 'em, really.”

“It must be really convenient to have friends whose intelligence you can take for granted.”

“Look, I never said that Pinkie Pie was dumb,” Rainbow muttered. “She's just... different.”

“How different?”

“Weird different!” Rainbow hissed, careful not to disturb the sleeping mares. “A lot of times, when she's hanging out with the girls and me, she's seeing stuff that isn't there... and yet it is. It just takes us all along time to notice it.”

“So, in other words—”

“If Pinkie was to zip her way into Twilight's treehouse tomorrow and tell her all about the shard, Romulus, Don Canter's stallions, you...”

Lancie smirked. “An ordinary lamp.”

“Whatever.” Rainbow cleared her throat. “Twilight totally wouldn't buy it at first. And, by extension, neither would the rest of the girls... at least not until much, m-much later.”

“Lemme guess.” Lancie folded his stone forelimbs. “Giving you ample time to head for the hills before your friends could wrangle you down?”

Rainbow frowned. “What? No! I wouldn't do such a stupid thing!”

“Wouldn't you?” Lancie raised a granite eyebrow. “Because you're rather proficient at stupidity.”

“Mrmmmmmff...”

“It's true!” He pointed with a grin. “When all you gotta do is confess your love to Freckle-Freckles, you run from it!” He crawled around to her other side, gesturing. “When you know that there's a cure to your noodly limbs, you run from it! And when there's a chance of the other Mane Sixers Eighty-Sixing your double life—”

“It won't come to that.”

“How do you know?” Lancie shrugged. “Hate to break it to ya, Sparky, but it's already in the pink! Soon enough it'll be in the stink!”

Rainbow's muzzle frowned. “You're really icky, y'know that?”

“And what about the other uninvited guests to our subterranean soiree?” He pointed. “The Sorceror's Apprentice. Ms. Ego-tude. The Rock Princess.” He cleared his throat and aimed a thumb at some nebulous spot beyond the rocky ceiling. “Need I mention the generic bad guys doing generic bad stuff with increasing proximity?”

“I'll find a way out of this mess,” Rainbow said. “I will! I... just have to get the shard first.”

“I don't need to slice off Daring Do's cutie mark to map where this is going.”

“Nnnngh, come on, Lancie...”

“You're gonna have me do something to make the bad guys disappear or turn into chickens or whatnot.”

“I just need a clean break to get the shard and get back to Ponyville,” Rainbow said. A sigh. “And Sweet Apple Acres...”

“You know, Sparky...” Lancie squatted low, staring close without stabbing her fuzzy blue brow with his antlers. “There'll come a time, you'll see, with no more shards, and this Lancie will not carry your flank.”

She squinted. “What, are you Mareford and Sons all of the sudden?”

“The point is, I can give you anything.” He waggled his gravel brow. “But I can't fix everything.” He backstepped to the saddlebag. “That mare, Daring, may be something of a punk, but at least she's courageous enough to do what she wants and get what she needs directly.”

“So you're saying I should be like Daring?”

“No, I'm saying you should be better than her.” He winked. “You should be awesome.” And with that, he did a little twirl and disappeared into her satchel.

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. Her eyes darted back and forth. At last, with a sigh, she curled her forelimbs to her chest and closed her moist eyes.

Trixiemaudery

“Rainbow.”

“Mrmmfff..” The pegasus made a little trilling sound, curling into an even tighter ball of blue fuzz. “Can't hear you... th-through all the apples...”

“Rainbow. Wake up.”

“Grab m-my hoof, AJ... Mmmfmngh... I'm drowning in citrus...”

A gray hoof reached in, shaking the pony's shoulder.

“Rainbow. It's Trixie. She's gone.”

“Gnnghhh...” Rainbow turned over. Smiling deliriously, she latched onto the hoof and nuzzled it. “Oh, AJ... my hero... you s-saved me...” A muffled squee. “Saved me fr-from the apples...”

“Those are not my initials.”

At last, Rainbow's muzzle morphed into a scowl. Slowly, her eyes fluttered open. She glanced at the gray leg she was nuzzling, then up at its owner.

Maud stared with dull, dull eyes. “I don't know anything about apples. I can teach you about juicy rocks, however.”

“Guhhh!” Rainbow sat up in a jolt, panting. “I wasn't... that was just...” She winced. “Whatever you heard, I swear, it was only—”

“Rainbow, Trixie is no longer here,” Maud said.

“H-huh?!” Rainbow squinted, then surveyed the cliff. Daring and Pinkie Pie were sleeping in their respective places, but there was no sign of the starry unicorn. “Where in the McFuzzle did she go?!”

“That is what I am attempting to ascertain,” the earth pony droned. “But I could use your assistance.”

“Oh... r-right... totally!” Rainbow got up on her legs, but almost immediately collapsed. Wincing from the gathering numbness, she chose to flap her wings and hover instead. “She has to be a real Grade-A idiot to have wandered off in a situation like this!”

“I wouldn't know,” Maud slurred. “I am not a teacher.”

“You didn't see where she wandered off to, by chance?”

“I did not.” Maud slowly shook her head. “I was too busy.” She blinked. “Dreaming.” She blinked again. “About rocks.”

“... ... ...uh huh.” Rainbow cleared her throat and glided forward along the winding cliff. “Well, I can see her having gone in one of two directions. Either she went back the way which we came because she chickened out. Or she... went on trotting ahead?” Rainbow furrowed her brow in thought. “Perhaps led forward by the shard?”

“She could be in a great deal of trouble,” Maud said.

“Girl, that mare was in trouble the morning she was first foaled.” Rainbow darted down, grabbed her saddlebag, and slipped it on. “Here's to hoping she didn't take a third option.”

“What third option is that?”

Rainbow pointed at the abyss beyond the cliff. “She could have just taken the plunge. I mean... her shack was total'd right in front of her face.”

“I do not believe that Trixie is capable of suicide,” Maud murmured. “She is too full of joy and life.”

“Compared to you, girl, a cactus might just as well be tap dancing.”

“I do not understand what you are implying.”

Rainbow sighed. “Let's just quietly scout ahead and see if we can find her right away.”

“Shouldn't we wake Daring Do and Pinkie Pie so that we can spread the search out better?”

“Pinkie's snoring is—like—the best audible marker we could ask for,” Rainbow said. “I'd rather keep her here so we can come back and collect our bearings.”

“And what of Daring?”

“...” Rainbow glanced sideways at Maud Pie. “I'd rather let her sleep for the same reason you skipped her and went straight to me.” The pegasus smirked. “She's an idiot.”

Maud gazed at Rainbow. A five second blink later. “Let's go find Trixie.”

“Yuperooni.” Rainbow darted ahead while Maud trotted at a brisk pace.

“I don't get it,” Rainbow muttered. “Shouldn't it be pitch black down here?”

“Hmmm?”

“I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm glad I can see something, anything.” Rainbow gulped in mid-flight. “But how? Why?”

“Bioilluminescence,” Maud droned, gesturing briefly at one of the cavern walls that had a silver shine to it. “This part of the cave is populated by a rare subterranean bacterium that gives off its own light.”

“No kidding?”

“I do not joke about rare subterranean bacteria.”

“I... I-I know. I was just... it was only...” Rainbow sighed, floating along on limp wings. “Let's just find Trixie already.”

“This is all my fault,” Maud muttered with no change to her dull expression. “I was the one who suggested that Trixie utilize her rock sorting skills in the first place.”

“Girl, it wouldn't have made any friggin' difference if I hadn't come to this town with a chaos shard that needed analysis to begin with,” Rainbow said. “Trixie has a right to be mad at me. Romulus and Don Canter's goons only destroyed her shack because I was there. If I hadn't shown up, none of us would be in this mess.”

“Trixie appears to be mad at you for more reasons than just her shack.”

“Huh?”

“She claims that you have a history together.”

“Oh.” Rainbow's ears drooped. “Right. Uhm...” She fidgeted with her hooves in midair. “Look, it's rather simple. She came to our town. She ticked off all the wrong ponies by... y'know... being her. Then she summoned an Ursa Minor into town, tearing up buildings and threatening ponies n'stuff.”

“Really?” Maud droned. “Trixie summoned an Ursa Minor?”

“Well... I g-guess it wasn't so much her as it was a couple of punk colts...”

“Sounds like Trixie isn't to blame for the giant cosmic death bear.”

“Pfft! Are ya kiddin'?” Rainbow grinned. “She was the one who put it in the foals' heads that she could take on an Ursa!”

“But she still didn't summon the bear herself in a deliberate attack on the town.”

“Hey, wh-what are you trying to imply, anyways?!” Rainbow glared down at her. “That Trixie was innocent of the whole bear thing and that the rest of Ponyville simply overreacted to her abrasive personality by blaming her for all the crap that went down?!”

“Is that what I am saying?” Maud uttered.

Rainbow blinked. She stared forward, face blank. “Uhh... I...” She bit her lip. “It can't be that simple, is it?”

“I'm beginning to think that it isn't.”

Rainbow's nostrils flared. “Well, it's no use, anyways. I know that in her heart of hearts, Trixie blames Ponyville for her misfortunes. It's—like—totally obvious. Even if I wanted to... y'know...” She rubbed her forelimbs together. “Apologize for how things went down, she's not going to listen to a pony who destroyed her shack and has just now brought her to the depths of Dredgemane.”

“Perhaps her distress is what made her trot off in the first place.”

“Heh... that or she has gone bonkers.”

“I do not understand.”

Rainbow smirked. “Face it. Having an ego that huge?! To even talk about oneself in the third pony?!” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Pfft. That mare's head is in a weird place, and I bet you it's only gonna get weirder.”

“Does she talk to dragonequus-shaped lamps when she thinks nopony else is listening?”

“Heh, nope, but I bet that's next on her agen—” Rainbow's eyes bulged, and she almost bumped into a stalactite. Spinning about, she flew backwards, gawking down at Maud. “Wait, wh-what?!”

“You've had over five separate conversations with your saddlebag since I first witnessed you arrive in Dredgemane.”

“I... that...” Rainbow gulped. “M-maybe I was just thinking out loud to get my bearings!” Rainbow smiled nervously, sweating. “Y'know, like Daring does!”

“Daring Do does not call herself 'Lancie.'”

Rainbow winced. “I... j-just think that you're imagining things,” she wheezed. “Yeahhhh...”

“It's okay, Rainbow,” Maud droned. “I talk to my rocks too.” A three and a half second blink. “It's stress-relieving.” Another blink. “Not to mention fun.”

“And... erhm... what do your rocks say?”

“What does Lancie say?”

Rainbow gazed at her. She frowned. “You know what, can we just agree to be silent about this whole cruddy thing and go back to locating Trixie?”

“We don't need to locate Trixie,” Maud slurred.

“Why the heck not?! Didn't you say that she—”

“Because she's right there.” Maud pointed.

Rainbow spun around. She blinked, then squinted.

At the far end of the plateau, a natural slope of stone narrowed into a not-so-natural earthen bridge that led to what appeared to be a tall, tall cylinder sticking up out of the murky abyss. Trotting leisurely across the bridge was Trixie, her horn glowing in sequence with a pulsating aura. It took Rainbow a few more seconds of gazing at the scene, but at last she detected what appeared to be a glowing array of circles in the center of the cylinder.

“What...” Rainbow leaned forward, hissing. “...is she doing?”

Journey to the Center of the Equine

"I do not think that Trixie is herself right now," Maud muttered. A blink. "Or if she isn't, then there's a completely different pony standing in front of us and it was completely rude of Trixie not to introduce her."

"Wait... just wait." Rainbow gritted her teeth, squinting at the unicorn from afar. "We were all asleep when she first trotted off, right?"

"Indeed."

"And that had to have been an hour ago. But she only got this far in that time?" Rainbow narrowed her eyes in thought. "Then Trixie couldn't have been trotting very quickly. If nothing else, she probably got here after a very leisurely stroll."

"What would that mean?"

"I dunno. But if you were to steal away to a mysterious giant platform deep in a cavern on your lonesome, would you take your sweet time about it?"

"I wouldn't necessarily describe Trixie as a forward thinker."

"Exactly. And she's not exactly the bravest horse in the barn, either."

"Then perhaps she isn't here by choice."

Rainbow looked at Maud.

Maud looked at Rainbow.

With a deep breath, Rainbow slid out of hiding and trotted forward. "There's only one way to find out. Stay behind me."

"Very well," Maud droned as she loosely followed. "I will stay in back of you as opposed to in front."

"Good girl." Rainbow's pace quickened. As she drew closer, she could see Trixie's horn glowing with an emerald light.

"That's strange..."

"What is strange?" Maud asked.

"Trixie's horn doesn't usually glow green."

"Perhaps she spontaneously decided to accessorize," Maud said. A three and a half second blink. "Celestia knows I do from time to time."

"Trixie?" Rainbow frowned. "Hey, Trixie!"

The mare was muttering something as the two ponies approached, but Rainbow couldn't make out the words.

"Trixie...?" Rainbow hovered over the platform of glowing circles on flapping wings. "Trixie, what's up? What's going on, girl?" She placed a hoof on the unicorn's shoulder and forced her to turn around. "Look at us..." She recoiled. "Gaaah!"

Trixie's pupils had shrunk to tiny pinpricks. The rest of her eyes shimmered with a green light. "Wheels..." she slurred "Wheeeeeeeeeeeels," she murmured again, her horn pulsing with a steady emerald strobe.

"Uhhhhhh..." Rainbow fidgeted, her saddlebag jostling. "Trixie, dudette, do you... uh... h-have a history of geometrical allergies?! Eh heh heh..."

Maud leaned in, her dull eyes reflecting the glow of the unicorn's forehead. "There is something wrong with her horn," she said. "Her sorting horn."

"What, you mean she's...?"

"It looks like she's trying to perform the sorting spell," Maud said. "But something's wrong."

"Yeah, like what?!"

"I do not know," Maud muttered. "My knowledge of pony anatomy is limited to those of the earth race. Though, if I was to guess, something about doing the spell may have opened Trixie's mind to some pollutants in the magical leyline."

"Uhhhh... what?"

Maud looked over. "Trixie's sorting horn made her vulnerable to some ancient, evil, slithering thing."

"Brrrbrbrrbrbrrr..." Rainbow shuddered. "Please not slithering. Please not slithering."

"Snakes?" Daring suddenly trotted up, her muzzle blinking with curiosity. "Did it really have to be snakes?"

Rainbow spun, frowning. "Couldn't leave it alone, could you, girl?"

"Daring Do." Maud turned about, blinking steadily. "You startled me."

"I couldn't help but..." Daring's voice trailed off. She turned and glanced at Maud. A blink. She cleared her throat and continued. "I couldn't help but notice that not one... not two... but three members of our party had farted off while I was sleeping."

"Then stop dreaming about tacos."

"I'm serious!" Daring frowned, pointing. "What the hay is going on here that's so darn important?!"

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeels..." Trixie slurred.

"You heard the mare," Rainbow said in a dull voice. "Does that convince you?"

"Nice baritone, Trixie." Daring trotted forward, squinting at the possessed unicorn. "But you gotta have three singing partners if you wanna get anywhere."

"Trixie doesn't enjoy singing," Maud said. A five second blink later. "Oh. I get it. You were telling a joke." Her head tilted five degrees. "That was pretty funny."

"WhEeEeEeEeEels..."

"Sounds like she's possessed or something," Daring said.

"Very good, Daring Dunce!" Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Next thing you'll tell us she's voiced by Kathleen Barn!"

"Look, I'm only trying to get a bearing on what's gotten her so loopy in the poopy!" Daring frowned. "We're deep underground. Who knows what sorta crazy ancient fart gas could have infected her or something!"

"That is what I was attempting to convey," Maud said. "Although not quite so colorfully and full of gross metaphors."

"And we were doing just fine without you," Rainbow grumbled. "So if you don't mind..."

"Just what is your problem, Champ?!" Daring gritted her teeth. "Do you or do you not wanna get us all out of here in one piece? Great and Powerful kitten huffer included?!"

"Stop calling me 'Champ!'" Rainbow snarled. "And you wanna know what my problem with you is?! You're conceited, arrogant, you only care about your book, and--on top of all that--you're after the shard for your own purposes and not to keep this world safe!"

"Oh, and just what are you going to use the shard for, huh?!" Daring smirked. "Gonna use it as a paperweight to hold the corners of the world in place?!"

"That's none of your business!" Rainbow stammered, folding her forelimbs from where she hovered. "At least it'll be safe from evil pony hooves!"

"Oh, so suddenly I"m as bad off as Big Bird the Destroyer and his Tap Dancing Mobsters?"

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeelssssss..."

"At least if Romulus and his buddies got ahold of the shard, I'd have a chance of tracking them!" Rainbow glared. "But you are as unpredictable as it gets! No wonder you wanna bite out of something so purely chaotic!"

"Hello Pot! I'm Mrs. Kettle! Did you know that you were black?!"

"Excuse me?!"

"Girls." Maud blinked at the two. "This is neither friendly nor magical."

"It'll be nothing as soon as Miss Adventure Sphere here gets ahold of the shard!" Rainbow barked. "You wanna have fun blowing up the world?! Fine! Do it on your own time!"

"Oh, don't you worry, Champ!" Daring hissed. "If push comes to shove, the only thing I'm taking down is you!"

"Take... down..." Trixie's head pivoted to the side like a metal clock gear. "Take us down... to the wheels." Her eyes pulsed. "Affirmative.""

FLASSSSSSH! Her horn strobed insanely bright. The cylinder beneath all four ponies shook. Within seconds, the circles pulsed in sequence, and a round platform within the heart of the cylinder dropped rapidly. Rainbow and Daring shrieked, each clinging to the opposite side of a rock-solid Maud Pie as they dropped... dropped... dropped.

As the ancient lift descended, carrying the ponies--and their screams--into the abyss, a pink figure hopped up from the opposite side of the land bridge.

"Hey! Girls! I just had the strangest dream about an amber pegasus in a beret fighting a rainbow vigilante on the rooftops while horses with torches stood around a sanitarium along with a donkey that wouldn't shut up and--"

Pinkie skidded to a stop. She tilted her head down, blinking into the cylindrical hole.

"Girls?!"

Her voice echoed, only answered by distant, panicked screams.

"Ah well..." Pinkie shrugged and grinned. "The dream wasn't going anywhere anyways!" Then she jumped into the ancient hole, performing a pink cannonball. "Weeeeeeeeee...!"

(Resident Mistress of Traps)

If they had paused to stop screaming, maybe Rainbow and Daring would have noticed how tightly they were clinging to one another. Instead, they gazed with wide eyes as the cylindrical walls of the otherworldly elevator shaft shot up around them. The platform below strobed with swirling circles of bright green energy. All of the sudden, the swirls stopped, locking in place with a dim pulse.

Just a few seconds later, the lift slowly hummed to a graceful stop, quite unlike the rapid drop it took to bring all four ponies there. Rainbow and Daring panted and panted, gazing at the rigid stone frame of a dark entrance looming in front of them.

"Yeah, okay." Rainbow gulped. "Yeah, okay. Yeah, okay." She spun around, facing Maud and the glowy-eyed Trixie. "Does any other mare no longer need to go to the bathroom?"

"Weeeeeeeeee!" A pink fluffball sailed down behind them. WHUMP!

"Ooof!" Rainbow slumped to the floor with Pinkie sitting on top of her.

"Hey, b-ouncy!" Daring summoned a brave smile. She leaned down until she was staring Pinkie square in the eyes. "You didn't happen to outrace about two ounces of urine on the way down, did ya?"

"Wuh oh!" Pinkie grinned wide. "I forgot to unpack my umbrella hat!"

"Pinkie...!" Rainbow wheezed. "Get off!" she bucked.

"Whoah!" Thud! Pinkie fell on her side. "But I didn't sing the 'ashes, ashes' part yet!"

"And you!" Rainbow stood up, frowning at Daring. "Why didn't you use your wings to fly somewhere and find a mechanism that could stop this stupid thing?!"

"Wh-what?! Are you for real, champ?!"

"You're the resident mistress of traps!"

"You have wings too, y'know!"

"Much good I could have made of them with you friggin' hugging me the whole way down!"

"You were grabbing me!"

"I was trying to shake you off, ya freakazoid!"

Pinkie Pie stuck her head in, wall-eyed. "RAWBLE RAWBLE RAWBLE RAWBLE!" The air in the steep shaft silenced. She blinked, then grinned at both mares. "Awwww?! Why does everypony stop right when I join?"

Daring and Rainbow huffed, folding their arms and looking awayf rom each other.

Dead silence.

Maud blinked and muttered, "I hope I did not turn anypony deaf with my outrageous screams."

"Look, we're here now... as opposed to there now," Rainbow grumbled. "Let's deal with it."

"Pfft!" Daring tilted her nose up. "Are you kidding?! I always deal with it!"

"Then fine! Be my guest!" Rainbow pointed past the stone archway. "Go on and explore, Miss Adventure!"

"What? Hah! Buck that!"

"Where's your sense of Daring, Daring?!"

"It wasn't my fault we came down here! This was something you guys set off."

"Are you for serious?!"

"Darn right, I am!" Daring barked. "I only go into holes that have a back door!" She frowned. "I'll only leap down a whale's gullet if I know there's a sphincter somewhere on the beast!"

"Hey... uh..." Pinkie Pie spoke up from the other side of the lift. "Sorry to interrupt your conversation about marine colonoscopies, but have any of you noticed our Great and Powerful Fuzz Friend here?" She flicked Trixie's horn and watched as the end of it wobbled in place. "I think somepony broke Trixie!"

"She's been like that ever since her sorting horn betrayed her into premature somnambulism," Maud droned. "Also, I think she's answering to wheels."

"Heehee! Well, who doesn't, these days?! Am I right?!"

"What's the Great and Powerful Tool's problem, anyways?" Daring asked.

"Something's... like... possessed her horn," Rainbow muttered. "Freaky unicorn stuff. Maud and I tried everything, but we couldn't get her to snap out of it."

"Well of course, silly!" Pinkie giggled. "You girls simply didn't try hard enough!" That said, she licked the end of her hoof five times over and stuck it deep into Trixie's ear.

"Ughuuuuu..." Trixie's eyes suddenly flashed to normal. She wriggled away from Pinkie. "Blblblblblbbb!" She frowned. "Who gave the Great and Powerful Trixie a wet willie?!"

Trixie Lulamoron

“Trixie...” Rainbow Dash trotted closer, raising a turquoise-sleeved forelimb. “Do you remember anything from the last hour?!”

“Yes!” Trixie upturned her nose. “The Great and Powerful Trixie had a dream that she got her show wagon back and was freed from annoying little ponies who stuck wet hooves in her ears!”

“Ew, that's a boring dream!” Pinkie licked her hoof and leaned in again. “Maybe I should try the other ear.”

“Pinkie, stop!” Rainbow held her back. “Once is enough!”

“Will somepony explain to Trixie just where we are?!”

“You don't remember?” Maud droned. “You brought us here in a trance.”

“Hmmph! That is highly unlikely!” Trixie folded her hooves under her robe and stuck her nose in the air. “The Great and Powerful Trixie is an especially trained unicorn in the magical arts! There's no way she could ever allow herself to be subjected to invasive leylines—” FLASH! Trixie's eyes rolled back like slot machine lemons, replaced with glowing irises. “WheEeEeEeEeEels!”

Rainbow did a double-take. “Ah jeez... not again.”

“WheeeEEEEeeeEEEEeeels!” Trixie stumbled forward, one hoof outstretched.

“Heeheehee!” Pinkie giggled. “Awwwwwww! She's so cute when she's possessed and drooly! Almost like Gummy after I feed him too much cake frosting!”

“Alright, Pinkie.” Rainbow sighed. “Prepare the wet hoof, again.”

“Roger that, Captain Voice Crack!” Pinkie stuck out her tongue—and Daring promptly grabbed it.

“No!” Daring hissed. “You don't want to do that!”

Pinkie's blue eyes blinked with little squeaking sounds. “Ibhh dunbb?”

“The hay are you onto now?” Rainbow muttered.

“Shhhhh...” Daring let go of Pinkie's tongue and gestured at Trixie, smiling. “Let's see where the almighty wheel trance takes her.”

“What for?”

“Come on, think, Champ!” Daring grinned, floating behind the stumbling unicorn. “If there's something of super importance down here, then it's gotta be connected to the shard somehow! So if Trixie's drawn to it...”

“...then she'll lead us right to the shard.”

“Correctomundo!”

“But...” Rainbow winced. “What if—like—she suffers brain damage or something?”

“Huh?”

“Some super ebil power is jackhammering into her brain sponge. Isn't that... I dunno... bad?”

“I've been around many places, and I've seen a lot of magic crap,” Daring said. “If you ask me, the worse that could happen to her is that she might turn dumb.”

“You mean... unable to talk?”

“Precisely.”

“Heeeeey, Trixie!” Rainbow grinned wide, gesturing out the ancient shaft. “Lead us to the wheels, girl!”

“Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeels!” Trixie lurched on ahead.

“She appears to be headed toward those descending stairs,” Maud said.

“What stairs, Maud Maud?” Pinkie asked.

“The ones appearing along the penumbra of Trixie's glowing horn.”

“Ohhhhhhhhh! Those stairs!” Pinkie grinned. “Wow, you must have been a really bored elder god to have carved them babies!”

“No, something's different about them, actually,” Daring droned, squinting at the stone steps that Trixie descended. “They appear to be new.”

“Like, how new?” Rainbow asked.

“I'd venture to say a few months... even weeks.”

Rainbow shuddered. “Weeks? You mean whoever carved those things was recently down here?”

“Looks like it.”

“How in the frig do you know that?”

“Fresh gravel from the chiseling.” Daring pointed. “See? And all of the hash-marks are perfectly even.”

“Meaning...?”

“They weren't done by hoof. So none of the earth pony residents of Dredgemane made them. I think we're dealing with some magical being.”

“Like a unicorn?”

“We're not the first ponies to come here,” Daring said with a grin.

“Ooooh!” Pinkie clapped her hooves while she and Maud trotted after trixie. “I'm so nervouscited!”

“Usually, knowing somepony's visited a dungeon right before you is a total buzzkill,” Daring said. “But now I'm starting to guess that we're talking about the same pony who brought the shard here.”

“Yeah... but for what?”

“Hey! You're just a rookie sidekick!” Daring winked and flapped her wings. “I can't expect myself to explain everything to you on the first day!”

Rainbow gritted her teeth. “Grrrrr...”

Daring floated over the mares' heads. “Keep up the pace, adventurers! Perilous death and danger await!”

“Oooh!” Pinkie bounced. “That's my favorite kind of death! Also danger!”

“Am I to understand that we are entering an arcane sanctum made of stone that's been turned into a fiendish pony's rock lair?” Maud asked.

“Yup!” Daring said. “It's a true novel hit in the making!”

“Just as I thought.” A three and a half second blink. “I never thought I would die while feeling this happy,” Maud droned.

“WheeeEEEEEeeeels...”

Perhaps Ezekiel Was Here

“So...” Rainbow fidgeted with her turquoise hooves in mid-hover. “...how exactly can wheels possess a unicorn?”

“On their own, they probably can't.” Daring shrugged. She smirked as she and the rest of the party followed Trixie down the winding staircase that hugged a mountainous, subterranean pillar. “But with the shard, anything's possible!” She tilted her pith helmet back and smirked. “You of all ponies should know that.”

“Huh? Why me?”

“You've been getting a lot of those rare stones lately,” Daring said. “No wonder you're selfish about nabbing this one.”

“It's not selfish!” Rainbow frowned. “I'm protecting the world from the likes of Romulus, Don Canter, and worse.”

“Heh. Sure you are. And just where do you have those shards locked up, huh? Please don't say a nebulous floating cloud home in the sky.”

“Uhhhh...” Rainbow Dash winced, rubbing her hooves together with shrunken pupils. “Derrrrr...”

Daring face-hoofed. “Ungh! Do you even look at yourself half the time?! You're a walking disaster area!”

“Yeah, well, so my style's been off a bit lately! I'm still the fastest pegasus in all of Equestria!”

“Pfft. Yeah. The fastest to fly into a brick wall!”

“Hey! I've grabbed the shards on my own, yeah! But I've freed slaves from diamond dogs and saved an entire Manehattan family from utter doom! Just what have you done since teaming up with Noir?!”

“Kept a level head on my shoulders, that's for sure!” Daring smirked. “At least with this whole Dredgemane business, I've got a plan! Not all of us are dumb enough to think that 'flying by the seat of one's saddle' can work in this crazy, mixed-up world!”

“You?” Rainbow glared. “You're going to lecture me on thinking on my hooves?”

“It's a matter of who does it better.” Daring chuckled. “I like to see how you would have handled Miss Glowy-Eyes back there at the lift!”

“Oh, like it's soooooo hard to slap Trixie's skull back into fart-space and kick her in the rear until she starts marching off to wheel-land.”

“Still, you didn't think of it first.”

“I didn't have to think about it! I didn't have to—” Rainbow seethed. “Look! Why does everything have to be a friggin' competition to you?! Don't you have—like—a ton of books written or something?!”

“Heck yeah!”

“Then who in the hay do you have to show off to?!” Rainbow's voice cracked as she gestured wildly with her dangling hooves. “I mean, you've had your cake and eaten it too! On multiple occasions! What could getting the shard here possibly do for you?!”

“You wouldn't understand, champ,” Daring Do said with a sigh. “Not unless you've done everything, gone everywhere, and headbutted every face there is to be headbutted in this world.”

“Lemme guess. Adventurer's ennui?” Rainbow groaned. “Boohoo. Go cry a river for everypony who's wanted more from life after getting a smattering of thrills.”

“You mean you're not in it for the suspense?” Daring blinked. “What kind of an adventurer sidekick are you?!”

“Stop calling me a sidekick!” Rainbow barked. “And, if you must know...” She glanced ahead, making sure she was well out of earshot of Pinkie. Floating low, she murmured. “I'm doing this all ultimately for somepony else.”

“Somepony... else...?” Daring blinked.

“A special somepony.”

“Ohhhhhhhhh...” Daring nodded, then she smirked. “I gotcha.”

“Good. Then maybe you'll understand—”

“I won't tell her a single thing. Don't you worry.”

“Uh huh. Wait... what?!”

“Though, I don't get what you see in her, personally.” Daring chuckled. “It'd be like making love to cotton candy on a trampoline!”

“Snkkt... it's not Pinkie!”

“Suuuuuuuure it isn't.” Daring giggled.

“I mean it!”

“Cuz you just happened to choose her hometown as the place to go hunting for the next shard!”

“Darn it—”

“And you just happened to accidentally run into her sister!”

“Grrrrrrrr! It's not Pinkie!”

Pinkie leaned into the conversation. “What's not me?!”

Rainbow Dash turned pale as a sheet, her eyes wide. “Uhhhhh... d'uhhhhhhhh...”

“Anywho...” Pinkie spun and pointed at an immensely bright chasm looming in front of them. “Lookie what Trixie found!”

“Holy snikeys!” Daring wheezed, nearly dropping from her wings.

Before the mares stretched an array of immense stone platforms, each carved with the intricate figures of alicorns, their wings spread to support multiple branching archways and bridges connecting a convoluted system of granite platforms. But that wasn't the startling part. What made everypony's jaw drop was the hovering structures in between the bridges. Gigantic granite wheels spun on levitating axes, drifting in counter-clockwise orbit of the multiple stone support beams that kept the entire underground kingdom aloft. These same wheels glowed with otherworldly light, and no matter how swiftly they spun they made no sound louder than the gentle rustle of cold, cold winds.

“Wheeeeeeeeels...” Trixie trotted forward, leaning on the edge of the staircase, teetering. “...Wheels?” Her fuzzy muzzle pouted as she teetered over.

Swooosh! Rainbow zipped over and caught her before she could plunge into the abyss. “Er... y-yes, Trixie.” She gulped, shivering slightly as she hugged the unicorn. “...wheels.”

“So much stone...” Maud droned. “Spinning and glowing rocks.” Her left eyebrow twitched. “Somebody pinch me.”

“Oki doki loki!” Pinkie leaned in and bit Maud's left ear. Chomp!

“... ... ...” Maud's other ear twitched. “I've never felt so alive,” she murmured.

How's That for a Fall Formal?

“WheeeEEEEeeels,” Trixie drooled.

“Yeah, we get it already!” Daring grunted. She looked up to see another wheel levitating at a distance, directly overhead. “Yeesh. How many of these freakin' milk saucers are there?!”

“...thirteen... fourteen...” Rainbow Dash murmured.

“I count forty-two wheels exactly,” Maud said. “Judging from the acoustic resonance of this cavern, there are at least twelve more hidden from view.”

“Wow...” Rainbow blinked. “You're certain you're not a sorter yourself?”

“I don't have the horn for it,” Maud said. “I'm not a unicorn.”

Wheeeeeeeeeeeels...”

“I'm almost scared to see the bicycles that they belong to!” Pinkie Pie said. “Or unicycles.” She blinked, then gasped. Spinning to face the others, she clapped her hooves with a big grin. “Maybe there are giant rodeo clowns down here?!”

“Please...” Rainbow shuddered. “I think we're all freaked out enough as it is.”

“I'm not,” Maud said. “I find this quite stimulating.”

“Okay then. Those of us with souls,” Daring said.

“Hey!” Pinkie stuck her tongue out. “Don't be a meanie! Maud does too have a soul!”

Maud nodded. “It's made of rocks.”

“Wheeeeeeee—Ulp!” Trixie was silenced by a blue hoof.

With a sigh, Rainbow gazed at the others. “Sooooooo... anypony have a good guess as to what the heck we're looking at?”

“It's against vehicular regulation,” Daring said. “Judging from the size of them hubcaps.”

“How about... y'know... a serious idea?” Rainbow glared. “You're the friggin' archaeologist.”

“Ha! Archaeology?! 'Serious?!'” Daring smirked. “As soon as my mother found out I chose that over law school, she added a letter to her last name and disowned me.”

“Well, for some odd reason, Noir chose you, so you gotta be good for something!”

“Look... my knowledge of Dredgemane is foggy, but...” Daring tapped her chin in thought, her eyes nevertheless following the tranquil twirl of the multiple stone wheels high above. “Isn't it supposed to be built into the grave of some long-fallen dead horse god or something?”

“Consus, the father of modern alicorns,” Maud said. “He perished due to atrophy and madness after being exposed to pure chaos.”

“Ooooh! I know this one!” Pinkie grinned. “So right before his death Consus made a deal with the demon shadow lord of the Crystal Empire and had a bunch of metal basement floors built deep underground to house the spirit of a miscarried alicorn foal!”

Maud blinked over the course of six seconds. “I believe Pinkie is mixing up her cosmologies.”

“Is it really that hard for somepony to explain to me what I'm looking at?!” Rainbow grunted.

“Mmrfffeeeehllffss” Trixie moaned into her hoof.

“I mean besides that!”

“I'm going with what Michigan said,” uttered Daring. “This is just the sort of bucked-up stuff you'd find in a dead alicorn's grave. Maybe there was something enchanted about Consus' bones that made all of these stone structures come to life.”

“But, like... who built the wheels? Much less animated them?”

“The world's really friggin' old, Champ. Odds are some arcane cult or another set up shop here and built these effigies in Consus honor.”

“And then they what?!” Rainbow blinked. “They animated them into spinning tops in order to spread the misery of the old god's death?”

“You're wrong! You're. All. Wrong!” Crackled a voice from above.

“Gah!” Rainbow winced, instinctively hugging Trixie's limp body like a fuzzy blue throw pillow.

“Who in the heck just shouted that?!” Daring asked.

“I dunno!” Pinkie pointed high up. “Why don't you ask the mare flying above us?!”

“Huh?!” Daring and Rainbow both looked up.

One wheel in particular was levitating lower than the rest. As it spun slower and slower, a cloaked figure could be seen standing on the rotating surface. At last, the wheel came to a hovering stop, and the mare lowered her hood, tossing loose a fiery mane of red and yellow hair.

“Mwahahahahaha!” The young unicorn cackled. “At last! Test subjects! You were foolish to follow my diabolical trail, but I'm sure I can make use of your otherwise worthless husks!”

“Okay...” Rainbow groaned. “Is she for real? 'Worthless husks?'”

“Oooh!” Pinkie bounced. “Can my husk be filled with candy?! Huh huh huh?!”

Maud blinked. “Mine is filled with—”

“We know!” Rainbow frowned, then craned her neck. “Lady?! What the hay is going on?!”

“Welcome, my little ponies!” The mare cackled, waving her cloaked forelimbs. “Welcome to my LAIR OF DOO—”

“And would you come down from there, please?” Rainbow frowned. “You look really stupid.”

“Hmmmm-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!” The mare's eyes rolled back, then she grinned sadistically. “You must be new here. You see, I deliver the evil monologue, then you all try to defy me in vain, and then I make mince meat of your little pony bodies by grinding you to a pulp with my almighty DEATH WHEELS!”

“Wow, you've got everything planned out already!” Daring grinned. “It's like I've already got an outline for my book's antagonist!”

“Will you just...” Rainbow tossed her hooves. “Rrrrrrghhh—!”

“WheeeEEEEeeeeeEEEEeeels!”

“You are right about one thing!” The mare grinned as her platform loomed overhead, swaying left and right along with her diabolical grin. “I have planned for this! I've planned long and hard! For, you see, I once thought harmony and peace were the only divine truths that Equestria had to offer! But I refused to believe that life was so simple, and I left my foolish mentor to waste away in the Palace along with all of her vanglorious ideas! Lo and behold, within years I discovered this place, deep and hidden. I was actually in search of the enchanted means to dig my way into the well-guarded basement of Canterlot Castle, but instead... the most fortuitous thing chanced my way.”

She levitated a granite dragon's tail from beneath her cloak. The thing resonated with bright, strobing energy.

Rainbow twitched. She reached a hoof back to her saddlebag, though she didn't say a word.

“I found this on the black market! And with it now empowering me, I've commanded these wheels to life! They shall be my soldiers... my acolytes of evil! I will unleash chaos and destruction upon the surface world, the likes of which have never before been witnessed!” She stood up on her hind quarters, bellowing to the cavern's ceiling. “And soon all of Equestria will know the name of its one true ruler, Sunset Shimmer!”

The unicorn cackled and roared for a good ten seconds. Her voice echoed, and then all was silent.

Rainbow blinked. “... ... ...Who?”

Rowing Boats Red

The unicorn blinked atop her levitating wheel platform.

“Sunset Shimmer!” she barked.

Rainbow continued to squint. “Who?!?”

“Sunset Shi—snkkkt!” She snarled, leaning over with a frown. “Doesn't Princess Celestia ever talk about me?!”

“Why? Is her dog missing?”

“I was her special apprentice for three years!”

“And you ended up in this place?!”

“She suffocated me with ridiculous notions of friendship and harmony!”

“Obviously not enough, since you're still breathing.”

“Celestia is the reason my magical potential was persistently held back!” Sunset Shimmer growled. She shook a hoof while more and more wheels rotated around her. “I could have become Equestria's Sorceress Supreme! I could have ascended to take the throne of Luna the Betrayer! Tartarus, given enough time and study, I too could have become a Princess!”

“Hah!” Rainbow grinned. “That would be rich!”

Daring smirked over at her. “Who ever heard of a unicorn sprouting wings?!”

“Hey!” Rainbow cackled. “It's 'Alicorn Discount Week' at Barnyarn Bargains!”

“Yeah! Haha! Be the first fifty to arrive and win a free tiara!”

“Snkkkt—Heeheehee!”

“Grrrrrrr!” Sunset slammed her hooves, causing the central axes of every wheel to flicker “I refuse to believe that none of you have ever heard of me!”

“Sorry, girl,” Rainbow droned. “But I can't recognize the face. Maybe if... I dunno... you put on sexy glasses or something?”

“Oooh! Ooooh!” Pinkie waved a hoof. “I've heard of you! Me me me!”

“Finally!” Sunset pointed with a grin. “Somepony with some decent taste—”

“Oops! I'm sorry!” Pinkie blushed, teeth grinning. “I-I was thinking of 'Sunset Sarasparilla!' Heeheehee—Snkkkt! That stuff's good!”

“At least my sister's got the 'decent taste' part right.”

“Grrrrrrrr!”

“Wheeeeeeels...” Trixie drooled. Rainbow pushed her aside as she stepped up to the edge of their platform.

“Okay, look, Straight Shota—”

“Sunset SHIMMER!”

“...whatever.” Rainbow cleared her throat. “You do realize that glimmering tail-thingy in your grasp is really a death trap waiting to happen, right?!”

“Pfft! What do you mean?!” Sunset spun the granite statue piece around her with a wicked grin. “I've never felt more empowered! With this at my disposal, all of Equestria will bow down to its one destined ruler!”

“Yeah, you said that part already! But listen!” Rainbow frowned. “Being around that chaos thingy is only going to corrupt you! Like... super hard!”

“You telling me she's not already corrupt?!” Daring gawked. “Look at that... th-that thing! Yellow coat. Red hair?! If you gave her orange eyes, a pony would be liable to pull a wagon up to her and ask for burgers and hay fries!”

“You see?!” Sunset pointed. “It's insolence such as this that I wish to crush under my boot!”

“Boot?!”

“Hoof! Whatever! Look, peasants, I've been to places, you hear?!”

“Your mouth certainly knows some mileage.”

“And, quite frankly, I don't care what adverse effects the key to my victory may have on me!” Sunset grinned wickedly. “With this sort of power at my control, so what if I lose my previous form?! I will have evolved... and Equestria will undergo a glorious transformation with me!”

“...through wheels,” Daring muttered.

“Well it certainly beats my first plan!”

“Which was what exactly?”

“Teenage high school zombies from another dimension!”

Rainbow opened her mouth... fumbled for words... and ultimately said. “Look, I think there's been a mixup.” She pointed at Trixie and her glowing eyes. “We were the ones who rolled in here with a living vegetable. What's your excuse?”

“Bah!” Sunset hissed. “Scoff all you want! Don't make me turn succubus on you!”

“Lady, you're a peach and a half!” Rainbow grumbled. “And I've chewed on bigger and baddier baddies than you in my sleep! So why don't you get off your high... d'uhm... wheel?!”

“Yeah!” Daring frowned. “Just how in the hay do you even plan on taking over Equestria with big dumb rock wheels anyway?”

“Just. Like. THIS!” And with a pulsating beam from her horn, she commanded four wheels to sail down at the platform.

The four ponies instantly ducked, with Maud yanking down Trixie at the last second. SMASSSSSSSSH! A chunk of stone and cave rock exploded behind them.

“Woohoo!” Pinkie hopped to her hooves. “Dodgedisc! I love it!”

Meanwhile, Rainbow was glaring at Daring. “You just had to ask, didn't you?!”

“Yeah, and?!” Daring shrugged. “I needed to flesh out the villain's motivation for the third act of my book!”

“Oh, for the love of fuzz!” Rainbow snarled. “I am going to buck you sideways with a chainsaw!”

“I'm not that easy!”

“The rocks of death return,” Maud droned, her voice swiftly cut off by the whistling wind of muderous wheels sailing at them.

“Run away!” Rainbow hollered, and all four ponies scampered off under the sound of Sunset's maniacal cackling.

Only Trixie remained, teetering and drooling. Maud zipped back, calmly grasped both of Trixie's shoulders, and hoisted her off in time to avoid more pounding discs.

TH-THUDD!

Wheelie, Wheelie Bad

“Go go go go!” Rainbow squeaked, shoving Maud and Trixie along.

Daring galloped and Pinkie hopped not that far ahead. “Look, just calm down, Champ!” Daring exclaimed as the two came along the edge of a jagged plateau. “For real, what's the worse that a single diabolical unicorn can do with a bunch of stupid wheels—?!”

FWOOOSH! Eight more large discs appeared from the chasm below and swiped at the quintet.

“Cheese and crackers!” Daring Do shouted. She and Pinkie ducked as the wheels converged on them. The stone discs narrowly avoided their scalps and ricocheted off the earthen surface behind them. Rainbow Dash swiftly wrapped a forelimb around both Maud and Trixie and lifted them in time to leap over the bouncing wheels. Sparks flew and gravel rattled. The ponies tumbled to a stop while the discs spun around in the air, controlled by the cackling Sunset Shimmer from afar.

“Ooomf!” Daring tumbled against a clump of rocks with Pinkie landing upside down beside her.

Riiiiip! To Rainbow Dash's annoyance, she landed right against a stalagmite, and the sharp vertical spike had pierced its way between her coat and her turquoise suit. “Oh, you g-gotta be kidding me!”

“It's not the wheels that are dangerous, Daring,” Maud somehow caught her breath quickly enough to drone. “It's the stone that's in them.”

“No... really?!” Daring growled. “You're sure it's not cardboard that can crush a pony's body to pulp like that?!”

“Wheeeeeeeeeels,” Trixie drooled as Maud steadied her.

“Uhm... g-guys?!” Rainbow Dash gnashed her teeth, fighting and fidgeting to get her suit unstuck from the impaling stalagmite. “I'm having some trouble here...”

“A wardrobe malfunction?!” Pinkie squawked, upside down. “Dashie, you're not even performing on stage!”

“Seriously!” Rainbow gnashed her teeth. “If I don't get out of this... nnngh... out of this thing s-soon, then I'm done for—”

Maud took three calm steps towards Rainbow and gently slapped her hoof against the stalagmite. SMASSSSSSSH!!!

Rainbow winced as the entire cavern to her side filled with sediment and pebbles. Once the dust had settled, the stalagmite was completely decimated. Unfortunately, so was half of Rainbow's suit, which now barely clung to her petite figure in turquoise tatters.

“Oops.” Maud blinked for three and a half seconds. “I only meant to free you from your predicament.”

“Th-that's okay,” Rainbow said, ripping what was left of the suit up and yanking it off her body. “And you know what? You totally did.” A wry smirk. “And thanks for smashing the stone spike too.”

“Do not mention it.”

“Okay, look,” Daring grumbled. “I've written enough adventure stories to know when we're boned. This situation is bad-and-a-half. If that psychopony truly controls that many wheels, then there's no way we're getting out of here alive!”

“Oooooh!” Pinkie grinned wide. “Could you say that we're all in wheelie big trouble?!”

“... ... ...” Daring glared at her.

Pinkie turned to bequeath others her stupid smile.

Rainbow took a deep breath and faced Daring. “Only two of us can fly. Trixie's useless so long as she's affected by the chaos spell. I'd say you and I try to take out this Sunset Overdrive character while the others make a run for the tunnel we came in through.”

“You kidding?!” Daring wheezed. “We can't very well make a distraction if the wheels are fast enough to crush us in midair!”

“Then you guys will need a distraction on the ground so that we can have a distraction in the air!” Pinkie chirped. “It's like distractionception! Only with cute ponies and fuzz!”

“Ungh...” Daring rolled her eyes. “That has got to be the stupidest idea I have ever—”

SMASSSSH! A set of wheels slammed into a series of stalagtites above, raining pebbles and gravel onto the shivering quintet.

“I seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee youuuuuuuuu!” Sunset cackled and bellowed.

“May I make a suggestion?” Maud droned.

Rainbow nodded. “Shoot.”

Maud blinked. “Do what my sister says.”

“Buh?” Daring twitched.

“Right!” Rainbow stood up. “Daring, you're with me! Pinkie, you distract them!”

“Roger wilco, Rianbow Dasho!”

“Maud, hurry and take Trixie to the way out! Pinkie will join you once Daring and I have reached Sunset!”

“And what do we do then?!” Daring frowned. “Make out with her?!”

“You can make out with her!” Rainbow shouted. “I am going for the shard!”

“Nuh uh!” Daring hovered up, wings blurring. “I am getting the shard!”

Rainbow smirked. “Now that's the selfish spirit...”

“WheeeeEEEEEeeeels...”

“Here they come,” Maud droned.

“Pinkie!” Rainbow shouted. “Go go go go!”

“Go go go going!” Pinkie hopped and slid over in open view of the levitating unicorn. “Hey! Grumpy Saddle! Is that your mane or did a bowl of chili go bad?!”

“Your day of reckoning is at hoof!” Sunset tilted her glowing hoof forward.

Six wheels converged from opposite directions. Defying gravity and logic, Pinkie Pie effortlessly zipped between them, avoiding the smashing discs by milliseconds. THUD! TH-THUD! WHACK!

“Heeheehee!” Pinkie skidded to a stop along the edge of a plateau. “So you thought you could take over the world with wheels?! What? Too lazy to build a wagon?!”

“Hold... STILL!” Sunset growled. She swung her horn around.

Pinkie jumped a twirling disc, ducked two more, and somersaulted forward. She galloped, bounced, and cartwheeled past three more converging discs. Perched on a stalagmite, she grinned. “Hey! Knock knock!”

“I am going to grind you to a pulp and feed it to—”

“Knock knockkkkkkkkkkk!”

“WHO'S THERE?!”

“Doctor!”

“Doctor Who?!”

“No thanks, I'm a Star Trot fan!” SMASSSSH! Two wheels smashed the stalagmite beneath her, but Pinkie was too busy bouncing away with a high-pitched giggle. “Heeheehee!”

“Rrrrrrgh!” Sunset shook a hoof. “You'll be the first whose head will adorn the mantle above my—”

“Psssssssssst...!”

Sunset spun and looked up from her wheel. “Huh?!”

Rainbow Dash and Daring Do were sailing down at her with synchronized dive kicks. “Whinny long and prosper, ya melon fudge.”

WHAMMM!

“Aaaaugh!” Sunset yelped as all three ponies plunged off the wheel and into the depths of the cavernous sanctum below.

Pinkie Pie R Squared

“Httt!” Rainbow Dash grabbed ahold of Sunset Shimmer's chest.

“Why'd you catch her, ya idiot?!” Daring sputtered, diving alongside her. “Bad guy, remember?!”

“Get the shard! Get the shard!” Rainbow hissed.

“Shard get—!” Daring lunged forward.

“HAH!” Sunset's eyes glimmered as she charged a burst of energy into the shard levitating before her. “All wings and no wit!”

ZAAP!

“Guhh!” Rainbow suffered a huge shock of mana. She let go of Sunset, wincing.

The unicorn went twirling off into the depths of the cavern. Seconds later, a wheel swooped down, gliding underneath her hooves. She landed nimbly and rode the twirling disc back up and around for a flanking attack. “Mwahahahahaha!” Z-Z-ZAP! She fired rapid magic bursts from her horn.

Daring plowed into Rainbow, shoving her out of harm's way. The stone walls behind them burnt black from mana discharge.

“Ooomf!” Rainbow landed on a rough plateau. Daring slid to a stop and spun about, panting.

“Whew!” The explorer wiped her brow beneath her pith helmet. “Thank goddess that didn't end so quickly! That would have made one heck of a lame climax!”

“Will you just—?” Rainbow rolled her eyes, teeth gritting. “I'm going to make you eat a porcupine, I swear to Luna...”

“Silence, whelps!” Sunset spun around, joined by a twirling formation of wheels. Whistling through the air, she and her fellow projectiles dove towards the two pegasi once more. “Neither of you can stop my righteous Wheelmageddon?!”

“Ugh...” Rainbow winced. “Did she really just...?”

“Quick!” Daring motioned, getting a running start, wings flapping. “Neither of us deserve to die with that being the last thing we hear!”

Rainbow squeaked as she jumped off the plateau at the last second. SMASSSH! The cliff was reduced to chunks of loose stone and gravel. Sunset came sailing through, snarling ravenously.

The unicorn villain and her flying wheels pursued Rainbow and Daring throughout the lengths of the ancient city. The winged ponies threaded their way around the various bridges, walkways, and aqueducts of the place. Sunset's wheels were far less nimble, choosing instead to shatter their way through the various structures, spilling more and more chunks of stone across the unseen floor of the immense cavern. The air resonated with cacophonous echoes, growing in volume as more and more wheels darted in, joining the malevolent pursuit.

“This mare is serious!” Daring shouted.

“Yeah!” Rainbow's voice cracked. “Seriously bonkers!” Rainbow shouted over her shoulder while ducking a bridge. “Hey, do you know the Wonderbolts?!”

“Who doesn't?!”

“Sweet! Do you know the Sunrise Sidewinder?!”

“What?!” Daring blinked awkwardly. “But that's not gonna throw her off our tail!”

“Yeah, but it'll give us a breath!” Rainbow motioned, twirling so that she flew backwards. “Follow my lead!”

“Okay, champ, just this once!”

“You can omit it from your book!” Rainbow held her breath, tightened her wings, and angled them hard to her left. “Okay—GO!”

Th-Th-Th-Thwisssssh! Rainbow performed a corkscrew spin, ultimately locking her body and gliding hard to the right. Daring followed suit, albeit less gracefully. It mattered little, for Sunset was thrown off all the same.

“H-Huh?!” Sunset threw her head around to follow the two pegasi's movement. They soon glided out of view up high and behind her. Blinking ahead, Sunset winced. “Oh for the love of leather!” She flipped her wheel back like a coin and leapt off it.

THUDDD! The wheel she was riding slammed flat into a canyon wall, sliding towards the floor.

Within the next two and a half seconds, Sunset backflipped and landed on one one of the many accompanying wheels. Growling, she pulsed an angrier wave of mana through her horn and propelled her remaining squadron in the direction of the runaway pegasi.

Meanwhile, Rainbow and Daring found a rocky alcove nestled between two ancient towers. They collapsed, heaving and wheezing for breath.

“How... c-could...” Rainbow stammered. “...s-such stupidly huge things... be so... d-dang fast?!”

“Incredible!” Daring gasped.

“'Incredible?!'” Rainbow's muzzle scrunched. “More like impossible! We need to find a way to regroup with the other girls and make a hasty retreat!”

“No, I mean this ancient cave art!” Daring said, grinning. “It's absolutely priceless!”

“Oh, come on!” Rainbow snarled. “Do you need a friggin' tour guide now?!”

“Just look at it!” Daring pointed at a giant dark circle segmented into twelve curved lines. Several more identical patterns filled it, accompanied by black dots. “Just what do you suppose it means?”

“NOTHING!” Rainbow growled, grabbing Daring by the tail. “It means nothing! Now MOVE!”

“Wh-Whoah—!” Daring flailed as the air heated up with violent friction.

SMASSSSSH! One tower imploded, completely decimating all of the ancient cave art. Four wheels came grinding through, and they churned after the two pegasi's wings.

Rainbow tossed Daring ahead of her like a glider. The adventurer spread her feathers and soon both ponies were outracing Sunset's projectiles as they made for the nearest exit. Below them, traversing a curved bridge, the other three mares swiftly galloped towards a dark crevice, beyond which was the arcane left that brought them down there.

“Keep moving, guys!” Rainbow hollered above the noise of Sunset's approaching laughter. “It's do or die time!”

“And I'd go with my last name, if I were you!” Daring yelped.

“Dashie! You made it!” Pinkie chirped, hopping with Trixie's possessed body flouncing limply on her back. “And you brought the wheels with you!”

“I didn't order them for take out! Trust me!” Rainbow howled as she felt the turbulent air ripping apart from the wheels nipping at her back legs. “Go go go go! Don't stop for nothing—”

“Ha HAH!” One of several henchstallions popped out of the crevice with climbing gear. He and his many partners aimed silver-plated rifles. “End of the line!”

“Except THAT!” Rainbow hissed.

Maud blinked at the stones, then grabbed Pinkie's body without looking. “Pinkie. Down.” Both mares flattened, right as Romulus popped out of the hole with both scimitars unsheathed.

Schiiiing! “The chase is over, ponies! You're all as good as—HOLY TARTARUS!” His twitching hawkeyes reflected the incoming phalanx of wheels.

“Split—!” Daring shouted, already kicking Rainbow Dash in the side.

“Ooof!” Rainbow flew off at a random angle while Daring soared the opposite way. Meanwhile, the thugs in front of Pinkie, Maud, and Trixie went sprawling in any direction they could afford while the shadow of the death-bringers consumed them.

“AAAAAAAAAAA—”

SMASSSSSSSSH!

“Mwahahahaha! Definitely better than any fall formal!”

The Great and Powerful Pew Pew

As the dust settled, Romulus stood up from where he fell.

“Nnngh... guh...”

He rubbed his aching headfeathers and squinted across the fresh craters that the wheels had made. Several of his lackeys had collapsed cold across the granite cliff-face. Those of Don Canter's stallions still on their hooves were galloping in random, panicked directions, pausing to take pot shots at the wheel'd montrosities surging overhead.

Finally, across the way, Romulus gasped to see the tunnel through which they entered completely collapsed. Not too far from that, she saw the dazed figure of Rainbow Dash... stirring.

“Rrrrrrrrrgh...!” He produced two daggers—Schiiiing!—and charged the pegasus. “RAAAAUGH!”

Rainbow looked up, jolted, and raised her forelimbs in time to block his talons. The weight of the griffon shoved the both of them back, scraping up gravel and grime.

“You!” Romulus snarled. “This is all your fault!” He pressed the daggers harder, inching them towards her muzzle. “What in Tartarus did you summon down here, you stupid pony?!”

“Look, buddy, it's cr-crap like this I'm trying to prevent!” Rainbow hollered back. “Whoever that mare is up in the air, she's nothing but a punk with a chip on her shoulder! Imagine if someone really high on the evil scale got ahold of a shard?!”

“Well, it looks pretty bad enough to me!” Romulus' beak clicked. “If you had just taken me to the shard in the first place—”

“Dang it, I didn't know where the shard was until we stumbled upon it!” Rainbow grunted, collapsing to her knees. Her numb limbs were starting to lose to the griffon's might. “If you h-had just let me go after the st-stone in peace without trying to k-kill everything I ran into...”

“Oh, I'm still going to kill you, stupid ingrate!” Romulus growled. “If this psychotic unicorn wants a blood sacrifice, she's going to get one and it's not going to be me!”

“Will you j-just...” Rainbow stammered, her legs quivering. “Learn a n-new tune already?!”

“You're speaking to a bird without a melodic skull.” A pith helmet flew in from nowhere and ricocheted off Romulus' head. TH-THUNK!

“Daaah!” Romulus stumbled back.

“Httt!” Daring Do flew in with a dive kick, smashing him against a rock wall. She landed, pivoted towards Rainbow with a smirk, and blindly stuck her hoof out. Th-Thap! She caught her pith helmet once again. “Ya hear that? Like a fruitless watermelon.” She lifted Rainbow up. “You've got guts, kid. Not many ponies wrestle with that bounty hunter and live.”

“Thanks...” Rainbow grimaced. “B-but he has a reason to be mad. Our exit is gone!”

“Then we're going to have to make one of our own.” Daring grinned. “Through Romulus and Sunny-Side-Down.”

“That's Sunset Shimmer!” FWOOOOSH! One large wheel flew by.

Daring ducked it (SMASSH!) and continued her speech. “Look, I'll keep Romulus and the Usual Saddlebags busy. You go and headbutt the dayum Boss of this Battle.”

“But.. but...” Rainbow blinked. “Isn't that robbing the spotlight for you?”

“Eh...” Daring shrugged, turning about while cracking her joints. “If worse comes to worse, I'll just pretend this is a 'spin-off' series.” She dove across the way, descending on Romulus' recuperating figure. “Now go get 'em, tiger!”

Rainbow Dash smiled, spread her wings, and flew up high across the mayhem.

The cavernous air was full of bullets, magic blasts, and wheels'a'plenty. Every now and then, a huge stone disc would collide with the walls, raining down chunks of earth and fragmented stalactites. Rainbow Dash dodged all of this, twirling and spiraling her way through the mess with the greatest of ease.

Meanwhile, down below, Daring Do was punching, kicking, and tail-whipping her way around Romulus. The angry bounty hunter slashed at her with each remaining blade at his disposal, but the archaeologist was constantly one step ahead on every attempt.

“You're getting slow, Rommy Baby!” Daring grinned. “Looks to me that the only time you land a hit is when you do it the lame way—the cowardly way—like a bomb planted underneath Noir's warehouse!”

“I've gutted mouthier punks than you!” Romulus hollered, swinging his blades with defiance. “I'm the bloodiest thing this damned kindgom has to offer!”

“You sure about that?” Daring grinned, flying just out of his reach. “Seems to me that all you did was leave griffon lands to be a god among insects! Guess you just had to run into the likes of me and the rainbow pegasus up there! What's a matter, Rommy? Discovering you're as lame a mercenary in pony lands as you are from where they kicked your sorry ass out?! Wow! To be a loser among ponies!” She giggled. “THAT has gotta ruffle your feathers! Heeheehee!”

“Grrrrrrrrrrr!” Romulus flew up at her, voice cracking. “I'll bleed you!”

Daring grappled with him, nevertheless smirking. “Yeah, good luck with that.”

They flew by several wheels that swooped low, scraping the earth and knocking terrified henchstallions off their feet. The floor was littered with loose weapons and random stallions' teeth. Above it all, Rainbow Dash juked and dodged the various ancient stone projectiles, weaving her way closer towards Sunset Shimmer. At last, she discovered a straightaway, at the end of which was Sunset's glowing horn and the shard floating around her. As she approached, two wheels converged swiftly on the pegasus' location. Rainbow held her breath, twirled upside down, and galloped across the cavern's ceiling. She dodged the discs, kicked off, flipped, and barreled her way towards Sunset.

The unicorn paused from launching wheels at the stallions below and looked over her shoulder. “Buh?”

“BUHHHHHHHHH!” Rainbow flew down, plowing into Sunset Shimmer's chest.

“Ooof!” Sunset lunged backwards. With static bolts of magic, her hooves clung impossibly tight to the wheel. The disc twirled several times like a flipped coin. Rainbow held on tight, throwing a few gut-punches in. Sunset wheezed and spat. Then, with a growl, she slammed her elbow across Rainbow's back. The pegasus' lungs emptied, and she found herself grappling with the unicorn. The two mares fought for dominance of the shard while their lone disc wobbled and twirled high above.

With Sunset distracted, the wheels at her command drifted briefly in a slow, drifting orbit of the cliffside below. While Don Canter's thugs took this as an opportunity to catch their breaths, the three mares besides the collapsed tunnel exit stood up and observed the fight.

“Hey! Dashie's taking on the final boss!” Pinkie cupped two hooves over her muzzle. “Switch the controller port and use chaff grenades, Dashiiiieee!”

“This is taking too long,” Maud droned, blinking calmly at the midair melee. “With the tunnel blocked off, we won't have oxygen to breathe in this cavern forever.”

“Then we can just turn into plants and try carbon dioxide for a change, right?” Pinkie smiled nervously. “Squeeee?”

“If I could have turned into a cactus all this time I would have done so years ago...”

“Nnnnngh...” Trixie sat up, her eyes noticeably un-glowy. “Guhhh... my head...”

“Hey! Trixie!” Pinkie smiled. “Your head is unfuzzied! Cool!”

“What... wh-what's happening?” Trixie blinked blearily. “Where is Trixie?”

“Rainbow Dash is doing battle with the evil unicorn mare who posssesses the shard that everypony has been after,” Maud calmly explained.

Trixie gasped, eyes twitching. “Do... do you mean to say... that the unicorn up there... is the one responsible for bringing all of the miscreants to town... who brought about the destruction of the Great and Powerful Trixie's home?!”

Maud blinked over the course of four seconds. “Eeyup.”

Trixie gritted her teeth until they produced sparks. “Grrrrrrrrrrrr!” The air filled with a high-pitched whining noise as her eyes lit up. Magical static filled the air, accompanied with the brilliant strobing of her horn. Maud and Pinkie got minor nosebleeds as the unicorn stood up and aimed her horn high. “That does it! The Great and Powerful Trixie SMACCCK!”

Bzzzzzzzzzzz—ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP! A steady stream of unbridled mana flew straight up at a razor sharp angle.

Henchstallions gasped and dove towards the floor.

Daring and Romulus had to split apart, panting at the death beam. “Holy cr-crap!” they both sputtered.

At last, Rainbow Dash saw the incoming laser. Wincing, she kicked off of Sunset and dove for the furthest end of the cavern.

“Ha HAH!” Sunset shook both hooves in the air. “Stupid fuzzhead! I rule you! Ha ha ha ha...” She twitched, then glanced nervously over her shoulder. “...ha?”

And then Sunset said nothing, for she received a muzzle full of laser.

Trixie, Destroyer of Worlds

Rainbow touched down, sliding a few feet across the stone. She turned and tilted her head up... and swiftly tilted it back down as--

THUD! Sunset Shimmer's still-smoldering body struck the floor in a bouncing heap. "Unnnngh..." The unicorn's horn flickered on and off, but the menace was long gone.

"Woohooo!" Pinkie Pie pumped her hoof in the air from the far end of the plateau. "Nice shot, Trixie! You can bottom lane ADC with me anyday of the week--!" The air whistled in several places. She looked up, only to be encompassed in a darkening shadow. "Wuh oh." Pinkie gulped.

Maud spontaneously plowed into her. Both mares dove sideways, avoiding a falling wheel by a hair's width.

All around, the ancient discs of Sunset's arsenal were collapsing one by one. With nopony to chaotically control them, they returned to their dormant deadness, slamming into the ground at regular intervals until the entire cavern resonated with dull thunder.

Even Daring and Romulus paused in their fight to dodge a wheel or two. The henchstallions had all gathered against a nook in the wall, clutching what was left of their weapons as they watched the entire underground plateau collect with the piles of circular stone refuse.

Around this time, Rainbow Dash had dragged a thoroughly bruised Sunset Shimmer to the opposite wall. By the last thuds of falling discs, Sunset started to wake, her normally glowing eyes reduced to a dull turquoise.

"Unnngh... h-huh...?!"

"Morning, Sleeping Beast," Rainbow grumbled.

The mare sat up, rubbing her aching head. "Where am I?" She gazed at the underground cavern full of dormant wheels and gasped. "What's all this?!"

Rainbow squawked, "Lemme guess. You don't remember being a methodically calculating psychopath who stumbled upon a chaos shard and used it to empower a bunch of ancient stones into doing your violent bidding?"

Sunset fidgeted. "...I have my off days."

"Unnngh..." Rainbow facehoofed, then glared across the way. "Where's that darn chaos shard?"

"It's mine, wherever it is!" Romulus dove across the wreckage--only to be yanked back by his tail feathers. "Gaaaagh!" Daring's weight pressed into him, driving the griffon's beak into the stone floor.

"Go get it, champ!" Daring hollered through the settling dust. "Grab it so we can get this crud over with!"

"R-right!" Rainbow Dash stood up. "Don't go taking over any teenage high school dimensions."

"O-okay..." Sunset gave her an awkward blink as the pegasus glided away.

Rainbow zipped and darted through the sudden graveyard of discs, wheels, and stone rubble. Her panting breaths increased tenfold after a full thirty-seconds of no shard-finding.

Across the way, Maud craned her neck to observe Rainbow's search. "I don't think she's going to find--"

"Maud!" Pinkie yelped, pointing over her sister's shoulder. "Look out!"

The henchstallions were trotting their way over with all sorts of weapons.

Maud calmly brought her hoof down. WHUDDDDD! The thugs all fell to their flanks, grunting in pain.

Maud continued. "Like I was saying." She blinked. "I don't think she's going to find the shard in time."

"No?"

"We would need a rock sorter for that."

"Say..." Pinkie blinked, glancing around. "Where is Trixie, anyway?"

Maud blinked for three and a half seconds. "There she is."

"Huh?" Pinkie squinted. "Oh! Hey, Trixie! Say, that's a nice chaos shard you have there!"

From across the way, Rainbow's voice cracked. "H-huh?!" She spun--then saw a figure standing above her on a pile of collapsed wheels.

A blue pair of hooves clasped the stone dragon's tail. Trixie's eyes stared at the shard in her grasp with a glazed expression. "To think... that this has been the cause... of all the Great and Powerful Trixie's troubles..."

Rainbow gulped and stretched a hoof out. "Trixie... how about hoofing that over, eh, girl?"

"Trixie came to this town to earn bits... to start a new life..." Trixie's teeth glinted as her eyes started glowing. "And what did it get Trixie?! The same as Ponyville!"

Rainbow winced. "Trixie, for realsies." She flew over. "Now would be a good time to--"

FLASSSSH!

"Aaugh!" Rainbow flew back, landing on her flank. She shook her head and glanced up. "Oh come on!"

Trixie floated straight up, her mane and cape billowing in a magical wind. "The Great and Powerful Trixie understands now!" she hollered, grinning wickedly. "The wheels were never trying to bind Trixie, but liberate her!" One by one, the discs lifted alongside her, spinning around the mare in the subterrannean air. "They shall make everypony pay for Trixie's destitution! Today, Dredgemane! Tomorrow, Ponyville! And then, after that, all of Equestria will know of Trixie's pain!"

FWOOOOOSH! All of the wheels formed a vertical column high above Trixie's head. They spun in alternating revolutions, drilling through the earth above and carving a jagged tunnel to the surface, through which Trixie levitated, laughing manicacally.

"Mwahahahahahahaaaaaa!"

Rainbow slumped to her hooves, watching with panicked eyes as every single wheel zipped up through the tunnel, following Trixie's possessed figure.

Lancie stuck his head out of Rainbow's saddlebag. "Let me guess. You screwed up."

Rainbow gulped. "Y-yup..."

"Whole entire kingdom's now doomed?"

"Uh huh..."

"Sweet." Lancie yawned and slid back into the saddlebag. "Wake me up when it's half-past Armaregeddon."

Power of a Hundred Trixies

Up above, on the surface of the world...

Ponies trotted to and from various buildings in the steep, ashen canals of Dredgemane. Blacksmiths hammered metals together. Mares carried bundles of laundry and textiles. Several other citizens in plain brown and gray garb stood at intersections, sharing amicable conversations under a hazy overcast sky.

All of the sudden, the ground shook. Ponies looked around nervously. Wagons rattled. Rusted shingles shook off of building faces. Fillies and colts cried out in fright.

Not long after...

P-POWWWW! Huge chunks of earth exploded in the center of one particular ravine. Granite and asphalt clattered against the walls of the place.

A few ponies collapsed on their haunches, scooting frightfully away from the fresh hole.

Huge clusters of citizens peered at a distance. Smoke and ash erupted from the exposed belly of the earth. Then... with glowing blue light... several twirling wheels levitated out. Positioned on one disc was a single unicorn, her mane and cloak billowing in the surging winds of chaos.

“Hmmmm-hmmm-hmmm-hmmm...” Trixie grinned, eyes glowing. “Mwaahaahaaahaaa!” She tilted her head back as lightning framed her cacking figure. “Mwa ha ha ha ha ha haaaah!”

Ponies shivered and clung to each other, their eyes wide.

“You foalish citizens of Dredgemane!” Trixie sneered. “Living in the fossilized detritus of a dead god! I'll give you something new to fear! To fear and adore with every ounce of your blood!” She held a hoof out as the wheels spun faster and faster around her like big hulking electrons. “And let the name be cried out, in billions upon billions of screaming voices... the righteousness... horrifying majesty... of THE GREAT and POWERFUL TRIX—”

“Oh, there you are!” A stallion trotted up to the edge of a rooftop, smiling. “I've been looking all over the quarry for you! Check it!” He slapped a rattling bucket of rocks onto the balcony. “I've got this huge bunch of rocks that need sorting! Could ya help me out?”

Trixie's glowing eyes blinked... then blinked again. She snarled. “No, seriously, buck this town!” Clutching the stone dragon's tail, she aimed her horn forward, pulsating with chaotic energy. “RAAAAAAAAAUGH!”

Th-Th-Th-Thwooooosh! The wheels sailed forward at murderous speed.

The citizens scrambled every which way, screaming for their lives. Hotels imploded. Shop vendors were reduced to splintery wastes. Ponies fled out of saloons and balcksmith shops as the wheels grinded on through, spilling gravel and debris into the center of the ravine.

“Haaaaah hah hah hah hah hahhhhhhhh!”

Pinkie's nose tingled.

“What?” Rainbow Dash flew down in front of her. “What's th-that mean?!”

“Uhhhhh...” Pinkie rubbed her muzzle. “That only happens once a year. It means somepony's laughing the mother of all laughter.”

“Great!” Rainbow Dash clenched her teeth, staring up the tunnel. “I think we just unleashed Ragneighrok in the form of an egotistical little unicorn!”

“Heh... dang straight we did!” Daring said with a smirk.

Rainbow squinted at her. “Why are you smiling?”

Daring rolled her eyes innocently.

Rainbow moaned. “Well, I hope the proceeds from your book can pay for all the damages being done to Dredgemane right now!”

“We need to stop Trixie,” Maud said. “With that chaos shard in her grasp, her id is magnified by the level of at least one hundred Trixies.” A three and a half second blink. “That is too much Trixie.”

“It's unnaturallllll!” Pinkie exclaimed in a warbling voice.

“Right!” Daring nodded. “Then we gotta stop her!”

“How?!” Rainbow Dash sputtered. “She already seems a gazillion times stronger than Swimsuit Issue!”

“Sunset Shimmer!” the unicorn growled from a distance. WHAM! Confetti flew into her face. “Augh!” She fell down to the ground with a groan.

Pinkie Pie stuck the miniature cannon back into her mane. “Dashie!” She frowned at her best friend. “Don't tell me you've forgotten how to improvise!”

“I... I...” She rubbed her numb forelimbs together. “I've been running myself thin as of late...”

“So?” Pinkie grinned. “Not like you can't ask for help!”

“I... think I've forgotten how to, Pinkie,” Rainbow Dash stammered, wincing. “I wish I could explain it... b-but I just can't.” She hung her head. “You wouldn't understand.”

“Yeah, well, a book doesn't do any good unless the heroes kick flank at the end!” Daring said.

“Do you mean to say...” Maud leaned her head aside. “That we're heroes?”

“Ha HA!” Daring slapped a hoof on her shoulder. “Sure thing... ... ...”

“—Maud Pie.”

“R-right!” Daring smirked at the others. “Champ, you grab a mare. I grab a mare. Then we all four fly to the surface and do the penultimate mare grabbing. Ya feel me?”

“And what if Trixie's too powerful for us?”

“Improviiiiiiiiiiiiiiise!” Pinkie sing-songed.

Rainbow Dash exhaled, then smiled weakly. “You know, we've done nothing but tear crap up and headbutt each other since this stupid trip to the underworld began.” She gulped. “And I still can't help but feel that we've done more harm than good... to the point that even Noir would be ashamed of us.”

“But we had fun, right?” Daring leaned in. “Riiiiiight?”

Rainbow Dash blinked.

“Well I sure have,” Maud droned.

“Squee!” Pinkie grinned.

With an exhale, Rainbow smiled and grabbed Pinkie. “Hang on. This is gonna get windy.”

“Weee! I love straightening my mane!” Pinkie then yelped as Rainbow shot the two of the up the glowing hole towards the surface. “Whoaahhh!”

“Hang tight, Madeline,” Daring said, grabbing around Maud's waist.

“But these criminals and thugs...” Maud blinked down at the bruised and stirring characters. “And Sunset. Is it very 'heroic' to just leave them all here?”

“Eh...” Daring flapped her wings, carrying the two of them up after Rainbow. “I'll edit all that out.”

“Okay.”

As the four mares exited, Romulus stood up, rubbing his head. He squinted up the tunnel, frowning under his beak. Schiiing! He picked up his scimitar and flexed his wing muscles.

Sun Butt On a Bike, You Say?

THUDDD! Wheel after stone wheel pounded against the walls and buildings that filled the ravines of Dredgemane. Frightened citizens huddled beneath granite overhangs, clinging to one another as dust and sediment fell from the fractured ceilings.

Trixie's destructive wake oozed from trench to trench, smashing windows and sending chunks of debris flying out into the streets. She hovered slowly down the steep avenues, standing upright in the middle of her levitating platform.

“Hey, Trixie, sort this!”

SMASH!

“Hey, Trixie, shovel gravel!”

CRASH!

“I used to be an artist!” she sputtered, shaking an angry hoof beneath the levitating shard. “The most dazzling magic act in all of Equestria!” Her glowing eyes narrowed. “And that was all taken from me. Why?!”

THUD!

“Because a couple of pre-pubescent punks thought it would be fun to let an Ursa romp through town and blame it on Trixie!” Her horn pulsed with electrical blue energy as she grinned. “Well, now Trixie is the reason for all the destruction? How do you like it, Equestria?! Is this not the Trixie that you wanted?!”

She brought three wheels together, rotated them like a drill, and aimed them for an apartment full of cowering ponies.

The citizens of Dredgemane flinched.

“Behold!” The unicorn gritted her teeth. “Watch as the Great and Powerful Trixie makes the population of Dredgemane... disappear!” But before she could command the pulverizing wheels to surge forward—

Thwissssssssh! Bonk! A pith helmet ricocheted off her skull.

“Gaaah!” Trixie leaned back on her wheel. “Who dares defy Trixie?!”

“Y'know...” Daring Do perched on a rooftop besides Rainbow, Maud, and Pinkie Pie. Snatch! She grabbed her helmet and slapped it back on her head with a smirk. “...when all is said and done, you make a lousy supervillain!”

“Yeah!” Pinkie Pie bounced. “Turn back to being a blue ball of grumpy cuddles!”

“What she said!” Rainbow growled.

“Rocks,” Maud droned.

“Today is a good day to die,” Trixie said, then snarled. “For self-righteous ingrates!” She flung a hoof forward, commanding a squadron of wheels to slice their way over the stone rooftops. “Decimaaaaaate!”

“Heh...” Daring smirked. “What is it with possessed ponies and their proclivity towards using crazy vocab words?”

“Uhhhh...” Rainbow winced. “Dodge much?”

Daring grabbed Maud and Rainbow grabbed Pinkie. All four plunged off the rooftop before the wheels could smash the upper portion of the building to bits. Zig-zagging across the gravel-laden streets, they dodged three more wheel swipes and pulled up, ascending past Trixie's line of sight.

Rainbow spun around. “Alley—”

“—OOP!” Pinkie leapt from Rainbow's grasp, spun, and landed on the wheel right next to Trixie. She twirled and ran her fluffy pink tail beneath Trixie's belly. “Tickle-Tickle-Tickle!”

“Snkkkkt!” Trixie's glowing eyes quivered as her face contorted into an awkward smile. “Grkkkt—Stop it! Snkkkkt! Cut it out! Hahahahaha—The Great and Powerful Trixie is the Destroyer of All Living Things! She does not LAUGH!”

Swooosh! Rainbow touched down behind Trixie's writhing figure and reached for the stone dragon's tail. “Keep her in stitches, Pinkie! I've almost got it—”

“Hahahahaha! Trixie—hahahaha—said... enough with the FUZZ!” The unicorn commanded two wheels to slam hard into each other overhead. Their thunderous clap sent Rainbow off balance.

“Gaaaaiiie!” Rainbow landed on a third story patio.

“Hey, if you're going to applaud, at least use your hooves!” Pinkie frowned.

“Haaaugh!” Trixie blasted Pinkie in the face with a beam of chaos magic.

“Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” Pinkie went sailing across the street, where she crashed through a second story apartment window. Three seconds later, she stuck her head out with a grin. “Hey! Three points!” Her eyes crossed. “Owie.” THUD! She slumped over the vacant window pane.

Meanwhile, Daring sailed around and around Trixie's wheel with Maud in tow. “You know, for a mare possessed by chaos and wheels, you really don't check your surroundings much.”

“We'll see about that!” Trixie's horn glowed. Every wheel under her command closed in tight then began spinning in a cyclonic fashion. The wind whistled as a veritable tornado of stone billowed in the center of Dredgemane. Daring and Maud were lost in the mix, and all Trixie managed to do was spin her own disc from the furious feat. She eventually stopped, rotating still with dizzied eyes. “Unnnnghhh...”

Th-Thap! Maud landed on the stone. “Hello, Trixie,” she muttered with dull eyes.

“Y-you...” Trixie rubbed her head, horn strobing. “You would attack the Great and Powerful Trixie, your rock sorter friend?!”

Maud shook her head. “A very long time ago, I took an oath to never hurt members of ponykind.” She reached into her blouse and pulled out a tiny rock. “But Boulder didn't.” WHAM! She flung the thing against Trixie's skull.

“Aaaaugh!” Trixie reeled from the blow.

Th-Thud! Several wheels crashed to the streets, dull and dormant. Trixie's magic fluctuated, as did the glow from the chaos shard.

“Way to go, Macy!” Daring pumped a hoof from where she hovered. “You're doing it! You're doing it!”

“Grrrrrrrrr!” Trixie teetered back forward, aiming a bright horn at Daring's forehead. FLASH!

Maud flew off the platform. “Oomfa...”

Daring winced. “You're not doing it!” She spiraled, spun, and dove low. She grabbed Maud's body as the two of them crashed through a wooden market vendor below.

“Mwahahahahahaha!” Trixie levitated the stone wheels back into the air as she ascended once more towards the overcast heavens. “This puny town isn't worth my time!” She grinned. “Now Ponyville... on the other hoof...” Her platform began surging its way southeast over the canals and ravines.

“Nnnngh...” Rainbow Dash sat up, rubbing her head. She looked up from the balcony where she had collapsed. “Ah jeez.” Her pupils shrank as she saw the direction in which Trixie's armada of flowing wheels were headed. “Are they headed where I think they're headed?”

Lancie poked his head out Rainbow's saddlebags. “No shame in performing a hasty retreat, Sparky.”

“Lancie...!” Rainbow hissed. “She's gonna trash my home!” She sputtered, “Harming everypony I know and care for!”

“I'm sure Princess Frecklestasia will bounce back.”

“I'm not kidding!” Rainbow frowned. “I gotta get that shard or else all of Equestria is doomed and it's totally my fault!”

“Oh, come onnnnn...” Lancie shrugged. “At worst, it's only... hmmmm... sixty-six percent your fault.”

“Lanciiiiiie?!”

“What do you want from me?!” He shrugged. “I've only been a bit character this whole arc.”

“You're the expert on chaos!” Rainbow stood up, pointing skyward. “How the heck do I get your tail from her?”

“Well, you could bring me closer to her so that my presence my nullify the chaotic possession.”

“Uhhhhhh... okaaaaay.” Rainbow gulped. Wings flapping, she ascended into the gray sky. “So, like, how do I do that?”

“It's really simple!” Lancie smirked and gestured. “First thing you gotta do is—”

SCHLIIIIIIINK! A dagger flew by, ripping the straps of Rainbow's saddlebag. Lancie went sailing down into the debris-riddled streets below.

Rainbow gasped. She looked behind her.

Romulus perched on the edge of a building, juggling another dagger. Several henchstallions stood behind him, cocking their rifles.

Rainbow's ears folded. “Oh no.”

“Oh yes.” Romulus kicked off the roof and sailed straight at her. “Rrrrrrrrgh!” Schiiiing!

Villain Averted

Rainbow Dash reverse somesaulted than flew backwards at a maddening pace. Romulus flew right in her face, swipe-swipe-swiping with his daggers. One stab went really far, and Rainbow Dash knocked the attack aside with her lower legs before rolling forward and mounting the griffon's back. She threw her forelimbs around his neck in a vicious choke hold.

“Look, will you learn a new tune already?!” Rainbow Dash growled. “You see the sort of crap that's going on all over town, now?!” She gnashed her teeth and squeezed his feathery neck tighter. “Is that what you really want?!”

“The shard isn't for me,” Romulus hissed, shaking and shrugging his shoulders in an effort to throw her off. “I'm in this to get paid!”

“You mean this is all for money?!” Rainbow snarled. “In spite of all the crap these chaos shards do?!”

“And what do you want, humm?!” Romulus' beak rattled. “Are you in it just for the shards yourself?!”

Rainbow's face blanched.

Romulus grinned. “Gotcha...” He jerked back, throwing Rainbow off. Then, while she was airborne, he spun and kicked her savagely in the chest.

“Ooof!” Rainbow Dash flew off, then smashed through a delapidated market vendor. She rolled across the stone floor, then looked up, wincing.

Past where Daring Do was presently butting heads with over a dozen thugs, Rainbow could see the mass armada of wheels sailing west towards the edge of town... and Equestria abroad.

“N-no...” Rainbow winced, crawling forward with a hoof outstretched. “Trixie...”

Scraaaaaaaaape. Romulus paced leisurely towards her, dragging his daggers across the floor. “I don't care who gets power or who's in charge,” Romulus said. “And something tells me that neither do you. That makes us something of the same, really.” His hawkeyes narrowed. “And I can't be having two of me in this world...”

Rainbow Dash stumbled on something. She looked down to see her tattered, torn saddlebag. A tiny pair of stone antlers peeked out from inside.

“I'll make an awesome windsock out of your tail.” And Romulus stabbed down with both daggers.

Rainbow spun and blocked the dual blades with Lancie's twisted body. Cl-Clankkk! Sparks flew off the chaotic stone.

“Gnnngh!” Romulus struggled. Suddenly, he paled, his eyes locked on the miniature effigy in Rainbow's grip. “Wait.” His beak hung open. “Is th-that...?!”

“Haaaugh!” Rainbow Dash flew forward, uppercutting him with the statue. Whack!

Romulus teetered backwards, reeling.

Rainbow glared at him. Shaking her frowning face, she twirled and brought her rear legs up high. WHAM! She bucked the mercenary into next year.

Romulus went sailing into an open blacksmith's shop. His body collapsed amidst a pile of rattling metal ore and heavy tools. CRASSSH! With a groan, the feathery fiend was still.

Rainbow Dash spat, seething.

“Hey... uhhhh...” Lancie tapped the side of her head. “I hate to ruin the afterglow, but don't you have a Trixie to catch?”

“No...” Rainbow clenched her teeth. “We have a Trixie to catch!”

“Hah!” Lancie grinned. “Way to go, Sparky. Somehow I knew I'd be Chekcolt Gunning it at some point!”

“Daring!” Rainbow Dash shouted, taking a running start. “Can you hold your own?!”

“Yeah!” Daring forward flipped, drop-kicked a pair of thugs, and bounced her pith helmet off the nose of another henchstallion. “That and a half!”

“Good! We're going after Trixie!” Rainbow said, taking off with wings spread. Fwooosh!

“Wait...” Daring did a double-take. “What do you mean we?”

“Raaaugh! Another of Don Canter's thugs stumbled forward. Daring yawned and flicked her tail down, tripping the grunting goon to the floor. “Ehhhhh... who am I kidding?” She smirked up towards the gray sky above the trenches. “Go get 'em, Champ.”

Adoradrop

Trixie's maniacal laughter echoed across the steep chasms of Dredgemane as she rode her wheel due west. She dove low, threading through a winding trench as it led towards the very edge of the city.

Rainbow Dash sped after her, bobbing and waving through the same trench as she approached the speeding unicorn from behind.

“Gotta get to her before she breaks out into the wild blue yonder!” Rainbow exclaimed, then gulped. “Or in this case, 'wild gray yonder.'”

Lancie clung tight. “Ever thought of giving her a speeding ticket?”

SMASSSH!

“Gaaah!” Rainbow's voice cracked. A rogue wheel had smashed into the ravine wall beside her. It spun, grinding towards her with chaotic propulsion.

“She c-certainly isn't making this easy!” Rainbow grumbled as she twirled and rolled to avoid the attacks. Two more wheels drew back from Trixie's “formation” and also surged in Rainbow's direction. “Gnnnghhh!” Rainbow narrowly flew through their converging motions. “Gimme a break, already! All I wanna do is catch up with Trixie!”

“Stay on target!” Lancie warbled.

“It's not her fault that the chaos latched onto her!” Rainbow wheezed. “Personally, I blame that Sissy Shimmer girl—”

“Stay on target!”

“You're not helping!”

CRACKKK! Another wheel slammed into the wall next to her. They projectiles were closing in on all sides.

Rainbow panted, panicked. She looked to her left in time to spot an adjoining canal. Breathless, she sailed straight into it, gliding low. Fw-Fw-Fwoosh! Four large wheels sailed after her, stone edges twirling.

Rainbow hugged the street, flapping her wings hard. Dredgemane citizens shrieked—first at her “nakedness” and second at the wheels whistling after her tail. They galloped and dove out of the way as Rainbow and the discs sailed on through. The walls closed in as the trench curved left and right like a veiny capillary. Finally, just as the wheels were within inches of grinding Rainbow's flanks to a pulp, they ran out of room. Smasssh! They collided into the walls, then with each other. In an explosion of stone and chaos energy, the projectiles disentegrated completely behind her.

Swissssh! The winding trench bled back into the main canal where Trixie was flying.

“Mwahahahahaha!” The unicorn blinked, aware of a pegasus-shaped shadow crossing over her. She looked up, glowing eyes crooked. “Huh?”

“Uh huhhhh!” Rainbow dive-kicked.

Wh-Whap!

“Guhh!” Trixie reeled, almost losing control of the platform she was on and falling off. With angry snarl, she teetered back, aiming her horn at the fast flier. Zaaaap!

Rainbow held her breath and zig-zagged in the blurring canal beside the wheel, dodging the blasts.

Zap! Zaaaaaap! Z-Zap!

Two wheels entered the fray, twirling at Rainbow.

She spun to the side, planted her hooves against the wall, and kicked off. Lancie held on tight as the mare threaded through the wheels just before they exploded against one another. Propelled forward from the concussive blast, Rainbow landed on Trixie's platform and gripped the unicorn from behind.

“Grnnnghhh!” Trixie hissed, spat. “Get... off... Trixie!”

“There is no escape!” Rainbow wheezed. “Don't make me suplex you!”

“This is the moment of the Great and Powerful Trixie's triumph!”

“Trixie, this is the chaos speaking, not you!” Rainbow gnashed her teeth. “You don't really wanna destroy all of Ponyville and then Equestria!”

“Of course not!” Trixie grinned. “First, Trixie wishes to subjugate the pitiful minions of this kingdom... then destroy all of Ponyville and then Equestria!” With a loud shout, Trixie lifted the wheel up, up, up. They lifted up out of Dredgemane, piercing the overcast mists looming above.

Rainbow clung to Trixie hard, her body shivering from the sudden temperature change.

“G-getting a little c-c-cold!” Lancie wheezed.

“Then gr-grab it!” Rainbow Dash snarled, her eyebrows frosting over from the rapid altitude climb. “Get your dayum tail!”

“I... I-I...” Lancie perched on the edge of Rainbow's skull, reaching with a tiny stone talon. “I-I can't reach it! She keeps floating it all around!”

“Trixie, c-cut it out!” Rainbow shivered as the air grew thinner and thinner. The other wheels swished and spun around them in the dissipating mists. “You'll never m-make up for th-things if you turn everypony into sl-slaves and destroy the world! Believe me!”

“It doesn't matter!” Trixie grinned, eyes a'glow. “Trixie has no friends! Trixie needs no friends! She is Great and Powerful on her own!”

“Trixie, it ain't all that snazzy being alone all the time!” Rainbow gulped. “T-take my word for it. The world isn't s-so stupid and c-complicated that you g-gotta push everypony away!”

“Trixie has no choice,” the possessed unicorn growled. “Trixie is on her own until she gets what she wants!”

“Hmmmm...” Lancie smirked. “Sounds like somepony else I know.”

Shivering, Rainbow winced in his direction. “H-how come sh-she isn't affected by the c-cold?”

“Chaos aura,” Lancie explained matter-of-factly. “It makes her body super resilient to stuff that would normally kill a pony.”

“Just what I n-needed to h-hear.” Rainbow gripped Trixie's waist from behind.

The unicorn gasped. “What are you doing to Trixie?!”

“About that suplex that I owe you...” Rainbow Dash kicked off the wheel and dove backwards, taking Trixie with her. “Rrrrrr-Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh!” The two mares and the stone statue dove earthward, hard, Trixie-first.

THUD! Maud kicked at the concrete foundation of a building. The cornerstone cracked, and the rest of the structure collapsed in a mound of pebbles and gravel.

“Aaaaaaaugh!” Several henchstallions scrambled to get out of the way, but were effectively flattened by the falling debris. They all writhed and grunted in frustration, pinned to the street by the rocky mess.

“That was a good one, Boulder,” Maud droned. She held the tiny stone in one hoof and outstretched her other forelimb. “High hoof.”

The stone was completely silent.

“Good Boulder.” Maud pocketed it away.

“Weeeeeee!” Pinkie cartwheel'd over to her sister. “Best beat'em'up brawler ever!” She bounced in place, grinning. “Boy, I'm sure glad I became an Element of Harmony, or else I'd never be able to tap into this secret hidden ability to beat the ever-loving snot out of bad guys!”

Maud blinked. “Trixie and Rainbow. Where are they?”

Th-Thap! A groaning pair of thugs fell to the floor.

Daring trotted over, brushing her hooves off. “Uhhhh... Don't look now.” She gulped and pointed up at the overcast sky. “But... look now.”

“Huh?” Pinkie and Maud turned, blinking heavenward.

Scores of Dredgemane citizens filed out of their buildings and hiding places, scanning the skies with nervous eyes.

High above, the clouds parted ways, and two figures could be seen plunging towards the earth like an anvil. One was gripping the other in the mother of all suplexes as they sailed collectively towards the hard, unforgiving ground, impacting somewhere beyond the trenches of Dredgemane.

THUDDDDDDD!

The entire ravine shook. Spurts of gravel shot half a mile into the air, blocking the sunlight even further. Daring, Maud, and Pinkie winced, squinting into the haze as everything gradually settled.

Rainbow Dash panted... panted... and panted...

Tossing her mane, she sat up, looking around.

A ginormous crater had formed in the heart of the granite plateau, and Trixie's twitching body lay in the center of it.

“Guhhhhh...” The unicorn's eyes rolled back. She clenched her teeth, seething. “The Great and Powerful Trixie...” Ears twitching. “...needs a nap.” And like that, her eyes stopped glowing, and she fell unconscious.

The stone dragon's tail fell to the floor.

“Quick!” Rainbow sputtered. “Grab it!”

“Httt!” Lancie dove, snatched the object up in his tiny talons, and rolled into a kneeling position. “Annnnnnnd touchdown!” He grinned. “Heh heh heh...”

Rainbow slumped on her haunches, wheezing for breath. She swiped her brow and muttered. “One of these, I gotta practice what I preach.”

“I kinda prefer the 'suplex-the-entire-world-and-ask-questions-later' method.”

“Yeah, well, I doubt ponies like Trixie would.”

“Hrmmmmm...” Trixie's lips curved in her sleep. “Why, how lovely. The Great and Powerful Trixie didn't know you were lavender in every place!”

Rainbow winced. “I... am j-just going to pretend I didn't hear that.”

Lancie held up the tail that was twice his size. “Wanna hang onto this, Cap'n my Cap'n?”

“Buck, no!” Rainbow frowned as she hoisted Trixie's limp body over her side. “And end up like Sesame Street?! Or Trixie?! Or worse!?”

“Awwwwwwwww come on, Sparky!” Lancie smirked as he hopped up and straddled her neck, holding the tail like a knight's lance. “We all know that nopony has it worse than you.”

“Yeah, thank you, Lancie.”

“Even though it's all your own damn fault—”

“Thank you, Lancie.” Rainbow trotted slowly forward. “All I wanna do now is drop Trixie off at Pinkie's place then high-tail it out of this miserable town and—” She froze in place, face scrunched.

“What is it?” Lancie asked.

“I...” Rainbow fidgeted. “I get the distinct feeling that we're forgetting something...”

“Like...?”

The air whistled. Louder and louder.

Several shadows formed thickly across the stone ground.

Rainbow looked up, and immediatley wished she didn't. “Cheese and Crackers!” She bolted forward.

SMASSSSSH! The first of several dormant wheels slammed hard into the earth, followed by all of its exploding brothers and sisters. SMASSSH! SM-SMASH! SMASSH!

Eponalogue

Rainbow Dash's grunts and groans echoed across the ravine.

Daring Do tossed another thug up against a wall where several Dredgemane officers were hoof-cuffing the entire group of savagely beat henchstallions. She turned around, blinking at the sound of the labored pegasus. Pinkie Pie and Maud craned their necks to see.

From the top of the plateau overlooking the canals of Dredgemane, Rainbow Dash descended. A limp blue unicorn lay over her back. Covered in dust and sediment, Rainbow touched down on bare stone, only to collapse in a wheezing heap.

"Unnnngh..."

"Woah, there, Champ!" Daring exclaimed.

"Dashie!" Pinkie gasped. Face awash with concern, she galloped over to the mare's side. "Omigosh! Omigosh! Omigosh!"

Rainbow looked up with a weary smile. "Hey th-there, Pinkie. It's so good to see..."

THWUMP! Pinkie slapped a random potato bag over Rainbow's head and shoulders. "You're nakedddd!"

Rainbow's wings limply poked through the bag, as did her head. She blinked, then blew the dust off her bangs. "That's it. This town is officially on the list."

"Don't tell us you're turning into a genocidal destroyer of worlds now, too," Maud droned.

"Naaaah..." Rainbow Dash shook her head. "Not tonight. Next Tuesday, maybe. But for now..."

"So..." Daring leaned forward, squinting. "You got the stone, right?"

"Yup." Rainbow smiled tiredly, gesturing to where she had formed a rough napsack out of Trixie's starry cloak. Two separate shards rattled within the sling. "All it took was a little bit of cunning a whole lot of piledriving."

"Is Trixie in one piece?" Maud asked.

"Pffft. Sleeping like an angel, from what I can tell."

"Good." Maud took three and a half seconds to blink. "I would have disliked ripping your limbs off for having committed cruel and merciless murder."

Rainbow's eyes twitched.

"Eeeheeheehee!" Pinkie nuzzled her sister, cheek to cheek. "Isn't Maud an absolute riot?!"

"Yeah..." Rainbow wheezed. "A regular Dan Colt."

"Whelp, looks like you saved the day, kiddo." Daring smirked. "All things considered, I think we cooked up a real whizz-banger here." She winked. "Given a few teeny tiny alterations."

"Like...?"

"Did you do a catch phrase while suplexing Trixie into submission?"

"Uhhhh... my brain's too rattled to remember right now."

"Well, I'll fix that."

"Whatever." Rainbow sighed as Trixie stirred on her back. "Looks like you guys wrecked the bad guys pretty hard."

"They were wrecked on the day they were all foaled," Daring said. "But... yeah... they were no match for us. I think Sunset Shimmer's wheels took the most out of them."

"Uh huh..."

"We've rounded up a whole bunch of goons. The cops here in Dredgemane will have a lot of paperwork to fill out after throwing these punks in the slammer."

Rainbow squinted. "Where's the goose?"

"Who, Romulus?"

"Yeah, that goose."

Daring smiled awkwardly. "Like I said... we and the wheels took the most out of them... but not even all the dust in Dredgemane could keep a few punks from being slippery..."

Rainbow yawned. "Whatever. We got the shard." She stared down the ravine, spotting dozens upon dozens of Dredgemaners sweeping up debris and chunks of ancient wheels. "Do any of them know what really went down here?"

"What do you mean?" Maud asked.

"Erm..." Rainbow Dash trotted closer, whispering aside. "Do any of them know how much Trixie was involved?"

"I'm pretty sure the folks around here were too caught up in the wheeling to pay attention to who was whinnying!" Pinkie said. "The only pony who saw Trixie do ebil stuff was ebil Trixie!"

"She's still just the town's rock sorter as far everypony is concerned," Maud said.

"Good. I... uh..." Rainbow shuffled. "I-I think we should keep it that way."

"How do you mean?" Daring asked.

"Well, if we leave Trixie with the authorities, they might figure things out." Rainbow winced. "And her shack was totally smashed."

"Mrmmfff..." Trixie muttered tiredly, eyes shut. "Not... a sh-shack..."

"What are you suggesting we do?" Maud asked.

"Basically, she needs a place to stay, and the sooner we get away from this scene the better."

Pinkie beamed. "Say no more, Rainbow ol' buddy ol' pal!" She slapped a hoof on the mare's shoulder and motioned towards the edge of town with her mane. "Hop this way! Auntie Pinkie Pie's got this all taken care of!"

Sing Her Song And Become Stupid

"Whew... you really live out in the boondocks, don't you?" Daring Do remarked.

"Yuppers!" Pinkie beamed as she led the other three mares plus Trixie to the house on the end of the desolate gray farmstead outside of Dredgemane. "The boonest and the dockiest! Out here we is stoned immaculate. Snkkkt--heeheehee! Get it?!"

"You know, come to think of it..." Rainbow Dash shifted the weight of Trixie's unconscious body over her flank. "I've always seen your home in pictures, Pinkie, but I've never been there."

"You'll like it here," Maud droned. "We have rocks."

"Oh, it's only the happiest, bounciest, squishiest house in all of Equestria!" Pinkie trotted backwards with a wide smile. "Known far and wide for its rock candy, rock gardens, rock candy..."

"Rock'n'roll?" Daring said with a smirk.

"The last time Daddy listened to Led Zebra, he nearly set fire to the drapes."

"Well, I'll keep my muzzle shut, then!" Daring remarked.

"Heh..." Rainbow smirked. "That'll be a first."

"Look. We saved the day. Can't we just be on hoof-bumping terms for once?"

"We've still got a lot to work out," Rainbow said. "I mean, with all the Lunar Code and shard business."

"Oh, there isn't much of anything to work out," Daring said. "After all, when I'm carrying the stone back to Equestria Proper--"

"Grnnnnghhhh..." Rainbow steamed.

"Maybe we should just worry about getting Trixie a place to rest and recuperate," Maud said.

"Oki Doki Loki!" Pinkie zipped to the front door and slid it open with a creak. "Mommy Pie! Daddy Pie! I'm hooooooome!" She stepped in with a flouncing stride. "And you'll never guess who I brought to visit!" She looked across the living room and grinned. "Oooh! We already have guests!"

"You do?" Rainbow trotted forward--then stumbled to a stop. "Holy platypus nuggets!" Trixie slumped to the ground with a dull thud!

"Pinkie! Maud!" An elder pony gasped as she was shoved against a wall next to an old stallion and two trembling mares. "Get out while you can--!"

"Shut it!" One henchstallion snarled while six more held their weapons to the helpless residents' necks. He cocked a rifle and aimed it at the ponies who had just arrived. "Stay right where you are!"

"Mommmmmy. Dadddddddy..." Pinkie smirked. "You should have told me! I would have baked something!"

"I am filled with abject terror," Maud murmured, an eyebrow twitching.

"Maud!" one of the two mares whimpered, face wet with tears. "We're so sorry! We never meant for you to walk into this!"

"I said QUIET!" One thug slapped the butt of his rifle into her shoulder, making her yelp in pain.

"Heyyyyy..." Pinkie squinted. "Since when did smacking each other with weapons become a fun way to party?!"

"Pinkie, they're holding your friggin' family hostage!" Rainbow grunted.

"Wow!" Pinkie gasped. "They must be really desperate for cake!"

"Enough squawking!" The lead stallion with the gun grunted. "Everypony in this house officially belongs to Don Canter!"

"Over my dead career!" Daring hissed and flapped her wings into action. "Come on, Champ! We can totally take these cheeseballs on!"

Just as she said that, Rainbow looked over her shoulder to see four more thugs sneaking into the room from an adjacent corridor. They flanked the group with weapons drawn.

"No... NO!" Rainbow shouted, stretching a hoof in Daring's direction. "Stand down!"

Daring hissed. "You've gotta be kidding me..."

"For real!" Rainbow gnashed her teeth. "This is way over our heads!"

"But--"

"They've got hostages!" Rainbow gulped. "No sudden moves..."

"That's more like it, toots." One thug smirked, trotting around the shivering family. "Don't wanna be doing anything stupid, now."

"I do not like you aiming weapons at my family," Maud said.

"And what are you going to do about it?!" A henchstallion frowned at her. "Break the ground beneath us in half?! Try it and you'll be hugging your mommy, daddy, and sisters in pieces. The same goes for your friends."

"We came here to Dredgemane for one thing," another thug said. "And you grabbed it for us."

"I... don't know what you're talking about," Rainbow stammered.

"Oh yes you do..."

Rainbow looked around.

"Awwwwww Luna's nipple," Daring seethed. "Not you."

"Yes me." A thoroughly bruised, thoroughly angry Romulus stood in the front door's entrance, snarling beneath a battered beak. He took a few limping strides forward, scraping his talons threateningly against the wooden floorboards of the Pie Family House. "I've endured indestructible sarosians, egotistical explorers, meatheaded pegasi, and ancient animated wheels in my quest to get that shard. Lady, playing dumb is gonna earn you a free lobotomy, I swear on all that's unholy!"

"There's no dayum reason to bring the Pie family into th--"

SCHIIIING! Romulus held his blade straight out. "There is EVERY REASON to bring them into this!" His hawkeyes narrowed. "The moment you crossed us... the moment you decided to hog that which I had made quite obvious belonged to me... you sealed their fate in death."

"I dunno about the rest of the ponies here," Daring hissed. "But I don't negotiate with criminal jerkwads."

"Daring..." Rainbow growled aside.

"No rocks are worth the blood of my own family," Maud droned with the slightest hint of inflection. "I suggest you give him both shards, Rainbow."

"Wait..." One thug craned his neck. "These bimbos have two shards?!"

"What else do you know, Romulus?!"

"All of you, shut up!" Romulus glared at Maud. "You don't seem to understand the way things are, now. We're not asking for the shard. We're taking it! And once we've got what we wanted, we're gutting you like fish!"

"Ewww!" Pinkie shuddered. "I hate the smell of sardines!"

"You can't possibly be serious!" Daring snarled. "Romulus, you've flipped your rocker!"

"Have I?!" Romulus' feathers raised around his head. "After all of the pain and suffering I've endured?!" He shook his head, glaring at Rainbow Dash. "Oh no. It doesn't end here. Once these stupid ponies are sliced to ribbons... I'm going to search all over this place and I'm gonna find out what town you and their idiot daughter live in. And, with Don Canter's goons on my side, I'm going to go there and personally hunt down every last living member of your friends and I am going to feed them their own insides while they die a long, slow, agonizing death spent gargling on their own body fluids!"

"You wouldn't..." Maud slurred.

"He would." Daring's jaw tensed.

Rainbow was nearly hyperventilating at this point. She clenched her teeth as her wings twitched. The bag dangling off her shoulder rustled.

"Lancie...?" she whispered.

"Way ahead of you, Sparky." Lancie sticked half of his head out. "Though I wish I wasn't."

"Shut it." Rainbow gulped. "An explosion? A smoke bomb? A teleport?"

The guards all blinked awkwardly.

Romulus craned his neck, squinting. "Who in the Hell are you talking to?"

"Her rock," Maud said. "Like boulder, only with antlers."

"H-huh?!"

"You heard Mr. Monologue himself," Lancie murmured back at Rainbow. "He's going to hunt down your pony pony pony pals."

"So long as he knows what he knows..." Rainbow Dash's eyes twitched. "Lancie...?"

"Yeah, Sparky?"

She gulped. "Can you make them forget?"

"Them-who?"

Her brow furrowed. "Everypony."

"That's it!" Romulus marched forward, swinging the scimitar high. "You're furniture!"

"Lancie..." Rainbow backtrotted.

"Everypony in this house?"

"In the whole town!" Rainbow clenched her eyes shut and teetered back. "The whole surface of Dredgemane! Do it!"

"Might cause nosebleeds!" He said as the air filled with static and then--

FLASSSSH!

Romulus stopped the blade just an inch from Rainbow's forehead. His hawkeyes blinked blankly.

The guards stumbled in sudden dizziness.

Daring's face scrunched and Maud couldn't stop blinking.

"Hey!" Pinkie grinned. "I'm home!" She turned around, grinning. "Hey! Mom! Hey Dad! Blinkie! Inkie!" A blink. "Utter strangers inexplicably clutching guns and clubs in their hooves!"

"Where... h-how...?" one thug murmured.

"What in griffon's name?" Romulus stuttered, glancing at the scimitar in his grasp. "The hell kind of a contract is this...?"

"Uhhh..." Daring Do's eyes darted left and right. "Did I take a wrong turn at Albucanter?"

"Lancie...?"

"Because Daring Do and the Big Stuffy House sure doesn't have a ring to it."

"Lancie, did it work?" Rainbow asked.

"What does it sound like, Sparky?"

"Just a confirmation, please."

"Ahem." Lancie gestured. "Done and spent, your Dashness."

Rainbow cracked her neck joints. "That's all I needed to know." GRIP! She grabbed Romulus.

"Daaah!" Completely unprepared, the griffon dropped his weapons and flailed in her grasp. "What the...?!"

"Hrnnngh!" Rainbow threw him across the room like a glider.

WHUMP! He slammed into a pair of stallions. All three struck the wall hard and were out cold.

The other eight thugs gasped and scrambled for their weapons.

Gnashing her teeth, Rainbow Dash spread her wings and soared their way. FWOOOOOSH! Heads collided under her merciless hooves.

Eponalogue v2

“Raaaaaaaaugh!” Rainbow Dash glided over the heads of the Pie Family and dropkicked the thugs packed tightly behind them. She somersaulted, leapt up in an uppercut, and sent two bodies flying into one another.

“Ooomf!”

One thug scrambled for his gun, cocked it, and took aim.

Flapping her wings, Rainbow knocked Pinkie's parents to the floor.

P-POW! The gunshot sailed over their heads, shattering cups and saucers hanging from a cabinet across the room.

Thwisssh! Rainbow glided across the way, grabbed the thug's rifle, and slammed his face with the butt of his own gun.

“Grkkk!” He stumbled back.

“Haaugh!” Rainbow spun and slapped her tail across his face, slamming him into the ground.

Schiiing! Rainbow heard a long metal blade being drawn. She looked over her shoulder.

Romulus had limped up to his talons, scimitar raised. “You!” he snarled. “I know you! I've no clue how in Tartarus I got here but I swear—”

WHAM! Daring came up from behind, swinging a wooden stool.

“Ooof!” Romulus beak-planted into the floor.

Rainbow's eyes darted towards the other thugs.

Daring smirked. “Hiyaaaaaagh!” She tossed the stool up, spun on her front limbs, and bucked the item with her rear hooves. She knocked it into the thugs' confused faces.

Before they fell to the ground, Rainbow soared in and bucked them hard in their sides. They rolled out the house's door like loose bowling pins.

Without slowing her pace one bit, Rainbow Dash flew rapidly around the room, soaring in circles and building up speed. She gritted her teeth as her wings flapped faster and faster. Soon, every loose item in the room lifted up, propelled by her artificial wind. The Pie family including Maud and Pinkie clung to the walls and heavier furniture of the place.

“Weeeeeeeee!” Pinkie cheered. “Hurricane party!”

“Hold on, Boulder,” Maud wheezed.

Rainbow Dash hissed under her breath, but flew faster and faster. At last, she caught up the groaning bodies of the thoroughly-thrashed henchstallions. The thugs of Don Canter flew into her cyclone as she gradually carried them towards the front door. Romulus slipped into her whirlwind with a gasp. Trixie's unconscious body started sliding towards the tornado, only for Daring to reach out a hoof, grab her, and hold her in place from where she gripped the fireplace.

“I've no freakin' clue what's happening, but it'll make for a kickass novel intro!” Daring shouted.

“Gnnnnggh!” Rainbow spun and spun and spun. She carried the thugs out the door, sweeping up the two she had bucked outside previously. At this point, she was straining, and she felt her entire body going numb. Nevertheless, she kept at it, steering the miniature pegasus tornado towards the edge of the plateau. There, she stopped spinning, gliding towards the ground in a rough slide. Meanwhile, the stallions and griffon caught in her cyclone plummeted off the plateau's side. There, they rolled and tumbled a long way downhill until they were swept up in a river that carried them—sputtering and flailing—far away towards a lingering valley below.

Rainbow panted and panted for breath. Eyes rolling, she slumped to the floor, losing consciousness altogether.

“Well, would you look at that.” A tiny, tiny talon plucked and poked at Rainbow's shoulders. “Sparky always dresses in style.”

“Mrmmff...” Rainbow's eyes fluttered open. “H-huh?” She sat up to see that she was lying on the Pie Family couch. What's more, she was clad in silk blue pajamas. “What...?”

Lancie perched on the hoofrest, stone legs dangling. “Not my doing. When they found you outside, guess they figured you were too 'naked' too look at, so they got you some Dredgemane threads to cover up their little hero.”

“Their...” Rainbow Dash teetered, rubbing her head. “...little h-hero?”

“What, you don't remember single-hoofedly sweeping all of the bad guys out of this place?” Lancie smiled goofily. “I could have sworn I got rid of their memories, not yours.”

“Oh... oh right...” Rainbow Dash wheezed. “Unnngh... what time is it?”

“Dun dun dunnnn!” He made a dramatic gesture with his stone hands. “Dawn of the First Day! One million chapters remaining!”

“Lancie...”

“Don't sweat it. I've got the tail.” Lancie winked proudly as he held the long stone shard like a lance. “How about you go downstairs and make an awesome interest.” He glanced at her pajamas. “Or in your case... adoracute.”

“And then there was the time I was surrounded on all sides by panthers, bobcats, lions—you name it! The entire feline army of Ahuizotl had me outnumbered! And I hadn't stashed my cat nip with me!”

Rainbow Dash slowly padded down the steps in her pajamas. She had to pause once or twice, steadying herself against the wall on numb hooves. Finally, reaching the bottom floor of the Pie Family household, she peered into the dining room.

Most of the mess from the previous fight had been cleared, and the Pie Family sat at the table with Daring Do at the head, fluttering on mustard wings and bearing a bold expression.

“I couldn't just fly away! Not with the treasure right within my grasp! So you know what I did?!”

One of Pinkie's sisters gaped. “Wh-what...?!”

Daring smirked. “I charged straight at them!” She slicked her mane back. “Stupid pusses leapt at me all at once. They clonked heads in midair and fell hard to the jungle floor. I was able to snatch the treasure and gallop off. Easiest. Quest. Ever.”

The family cooed in awe and clapped their hooves.

“Hey... heeeeey...” Daring waved a hoof, chuckling. “No applause necessary. I've been through even worse straits.” She blinked towards the staircase, then pointed at Rainbow. “Now this mare, on the other hoof.”

“Oh.” Maud blinked. “She's awake.”

“Dashieee!” Ziiiiip! Pinkie was suddenly there, wobbling to a stop. “You're awake! Just in time, too!”

“Just in time...?” Rainbow blinked. “F-for what?”

“I went into town to report the attack on our house,” Pinkie's father said, standing up. The weathered stallion bore a calm smile. “Turns out there streets of Dredgemane were a reck. The ravines were strewn with broken chunks of rock and disentegrated discs.”

Rainbow gulped. “You don't say...”

“And then Miss Do here, a world-famous archaeologist, explained that Dredgemane likely suffered from a terrible curse.”

“A curse?”

“Yup!” Daring Do smirked. “Wouldn't be the first time! Judging from the making of those stone wheels, they had to have been thousands of years old!”

“Tens of thousands,” Maud droned. “Those were very old pieces of stone.”

“Yes yes...” Daring rolled her eyes. “So, naturally, it brought to mind the events of Daring Do and the Cursed Crypt.”

“Uh huh...”

“I think something awoke in the depths of Consus' grave,” Daring said. “And as a result, it affected everypony in town. It stole our memories of recent events.”

“How interesting...” Rainbow smiled awkwardly. It'd c-certainly explain why I feel so f-fuzzy...”

“Isn't that because you're a pony?” Pinkie chirped.

“Fuzzier than that,” Rainbow groaned. She turned and squinted at Daring. “And... uh... what of the punks who were in this place beforehand?”

“Pffft. What else?” Daring grinned. “Robbers and thieves! They were probably the ones who brought the curse upon us to begin with!”

“But they're gone now thanks to you!” Pinkie grinned.

Rainbow jumped, for the whole Pie family had gathered around her.

“You got rid of them, Rainbow Dash!”

“You're our hero!”

“Thank you! Thank you so much!”

“Boulder sends his regards.”

Rainbow wheezed from the center of so many warm, squeezing forelimbs. “Hey... uhm... all in a g-good day's work!” She fidgeted. “Even if I don't remember that day.”

Everypony chuckled.

She exhaled... then blinked. “Say... uhm... where's Trixie?”

“Trixie?”

Rainbow frowned. “The Great and Powerful Trixie.”

“What, she was here?”

Rainbow blinked. She turned and glanced out a window, gazing thoughtfully on the desolate landscape.

The Great and Powerful Memory Lapse

“Mmmffg... guh... graaugh... muh...”

Grunting, wheezing, and panting for breath, a lone unicorn climbed her way out of a wheel-shaped hole in the rocky earth.

Sunset Shimmer's coat was covered all over in soot and grime. Her horn flickered with residual energy, for she had employed it in levitating herself gradually—cliff by cliff—over the past twenty-four hours of ascension.

At last, after languishing in the labyrinthine depths of the grave of Consus, she approached the surface of the earth. An overcast circle of gray sky loomed above her. Just as she was finally climbing out of the round hole, something soared by overhead.

“H-huh?!” She looked up.

Blue feathers and a multi-colored tail streaked by, disappearing within a blink.

Sunset's turquoise twitched. She snarled.

“Rrrrrrrghhh—!”

She reached another hoof up, but slipped.

“Whoah... whoah-whoah-whoah!” She fell back fifteen feet, landing on the nearest cliff below. “Ooof!”

Rainbow Dash touched down in a gravel quarry. She winced, cleared her throat, then awkwardly trotted forward, approaching the blue flanks of a collapsed-and-sobbing mare.

“Uh... erhm...” Rainbow smiled awkwardly. “H-how ya doin', Trixie?”

“Hrmmm—!” The unicorn rose up with an upturned nose. She rub-rub-rubbed at her muzzle, then pouted, puffy-eyed. “The Great and Powerful Trixie wasn't crying! How could you even insinuate such a thing! It's preposterous!”

“Uhhhh...” Rainbow gestured. “All I said was 'how are you?'”

“Oh...” Trixie fidgeted. “Right.” She sniffled. “Well it's none of your business!”

“Uh huh.” Rainbow gazed ahead of them. “I don't suppose that 'business' would have anything to do with this huge pile of lumber that once used to be your shack?”

“A HOUSE!” Trixie spat. “It was the Great and Powerful Trixie's beautiful manor!” She gestured at the messy splinters. “Now just look at it! It's reduced to refuse, like everything else in the Great and Powerful Trixie's life!”

“Er... yeah...” Rainbow Dash gulped. “Look, about that—”

“Trixie simply doesn't understand!” The unicorn dramatically moaned. “Everything was starting to look up! She had made a splash in this Celestia-forsaken town! She was just starting to pay her dues! And then—out of nowhere—everything gets smashed! Just like in that one loathsome town! Like in every loathsome town!” She collapsed on her knees, shuddering. “The world is so bland and uninteresting. Doesn't it know that it needs somepony great and powerful to liven it up a bit?! Is that too hard a gift to receive?!”

“So maybe you're a tad bit boastful...” Rainbow Dash squirmed. “And abrasive... and pompous... and even maliciously dishonest with your powers...”

“Hrmmmmmmmmm...” Trixie folded her forelimbs, teeth-gritting.

“But join the club!” Rainbow smirked. “I'm no perfect pony either! But I still carry on! And I've got friends around to help me improve myself!”

“Trixie wonders if you have a point to get to in all this...”

“Point is, bad stuff happens in this world, often times without any reason. Like your shack—”

“HOUSE.”

“R-right, your palatial manor.” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “It's a total bummer what happened, and you absolutely didn't deserve it.”

“How would you know?!” Trixie turned to glare at her. “You're just as worse off as everypony in this town!”

“Huh?”

“Pfft!” Trixie rolled her eyes. “I speak of this pathetic curse that's stripped us all of our memories, of course.”

“Oh, right.” Rainbow's ears folded. “That.”

“Sometimes I wonder if this is Harmony's way of telling me that Trixie should just give up,” Trixie muttered, burying her face in her front limbs. “Mrmmmff... that Trixie just isn't meant to be Great and Powerful.”

Rainbow Dash glanced left... glanced right. Suddenly, she brightened. “Or maaaaaybe...” She smirked devilishly. “It's just a sign that you should consider starting over.”

“Hrmmmf... Trixie has tried that,” the unicorn grumbled. “And look what it got Trixie!”

“And since when did doing the same thing the same way ever get you a better result?” Rainbow Dash smirked. “You should take a leap of faith and try something different, girl! I mean... that's what being Great and Powerful is all about, right? Being bold... being awesome... being...”

“Daring?” Trixie blinked, misty-eyed.

Rainbow tried not to wince. “Yeah. Sure. That too.”

“But what would Trixie do?!” the mare murmured. “Where would Trixie go?”

“I'm sure you can discover the 'what.'” Rainbow trotted forward and placed a hoof on the mare's shoulder. “As to 'where'...” She winked. “I think I got you covered.”

Chew It Over With Twixie

"Rainbow Dash?!" Twilight Sparkle clenched her teeth. "Are you out of your pony mind?"

"Why, is it spring?" Rainbow Dash blinked at her from across the library. "I only shed my skull once a year."

"She nearly destroyed Ponyville!"

"So give her a banana sticker!" Rainbow gestured with a hoof. "'Nearly Destroying Ponyville' is... like... the chic thing to do these days. Heck, even you earn that achievement a few times each week!"

"Grrrrrrrrr... Rainbow, I'm serious! Where did you even find her?!"

"Living alone and destitute in a miserable town full of rocks." Rainbow's eyes narrowed. "Because her home and possessions had been utterly demolished."

"And you think that's our fault?!"

"No, but it still totally sucks." Rainbow sighed. "Look, I'm not asking that she live here in the library. There's a motel up the road for that. But she needs a way to earn her keep, and 'sorting rocks' totally isn't it!"

"This town already has a magically gifted unicorn, thank you very much."

"Yeah? And aren't you always on call with Princess Celestia to do freaky magic quests here, there, and everywhere?"

"Erm..."

Rainbow Dash smirked. "You can't be everywhere at once, Twilight! Think of her as..." Rainbow tapped her chin in thought, then brightened. "Your apprentice!"

Twilight's eyes were straight as razors. "My apprentice..."

"Sure!" Rainbow grinned. "Admit it! She's pretty darned talented! But with your tutelage to put her on the straight and narrow, who knows what Trixie is capable of!"

From across the way, the blue unicorn harumphed: "The Great and Powerful Trixie finds this place far too dusty for the living, but it will have to do! When do we begin with the cosmic explosions?! Trixie is a fast learner!"

Twilight frowned at Rainbow Dash.

The pegasus smiled awkwardly. "Look, I didn't say it'd be easy..."

"This is too large and stupid of a thing to be dumping in my lap, Rainbow!" Twilight snarled. "Don't you think I have enough on my plate?"

"Doing what? Learning lessons on friendship?"

"Precisely!"

"Well, whoopty-dominoes!" Rainbow beamed. She hovered circles around the unicorn. "Here you have the opportunity for the best, most awesome lesson on friendship ever!"

"Eh?" Twilight winced. "How do you mean?"

"Think about it. What could possibly be a bigger... awesomer lesson than one where you bring the light of friendship to the mind of a unicorn so full of herself that she'd need a miner's helmet to climb back out?"

"Hrmmmmm..."

"It's difficult for a reason, but not beyond you!" Rainbow smiled. "You're Twilight Sparkle! Princess Celestia's prized student! Why waste your talents on writing about golden tickets and parasprite attacks?!" Rainbow pointed across the way at the blue unicorn. "Here's your biggest lesson ever right here! Show her the ropes... both the magical ones and the social ones... and everypony stands to improve from it! Trixie will learn a gazillion things. You will learn a gazillion things! Celestia will have even greater reasons to squee in delight over her favorite apprentice's tenacity... assuming princesses even squee."

"Hmmmmm..." Twilight tapped her lavender chin.

"Don't you get it?" Rainbow smirked. "This is win-win-win for everypony involved! And the best thing is... Trixie won't have to be miserable and alone anymore! I mean... isn't that the whole Friendship is Magic schtick is about?"

"It is, Rainbow, but..."

"But nothing!" Rainbow folded her forelimbs and smirked. "Don't make me ask the most talented unicorn in Fillydelphia or Trottingham to do this instead!"

"But... Fillydelphia and Trottingham don't have talented unicorns..."

"I can go lookiiiiiiiiing..." Rainbow winked.

Twilight Sparkle sighed, gazing across the way at Trixie. Her ears drooped. "...and you say she's willing to be my apprentice?" She gulped. "I mean... with an ego like hers?"

"Ungh! You have the Celestial Treatises of Starswirl as a Second Edition?! What kind of library is this?!"

Rainbow winced. "Well... sure, it won't be like training Fluttershy, but honestly... Trixie's got a lot of super-duper talent beneath all of that abrasiveness. I truly believe that if there's anypony who can bring it out of her, it's you, Twilight. And only you."

Twilight gazed across the library.

Rainbow Dash bit her lip.

At last, the unicorn exhaled through her nostrils. "Okay. I'll give it a try."

"Woohooo!"

"But she doesn't live here." Twilight glared up at the pegasus. "You brought her to this town. I'll leave finding her a place to crash on your plate."

"Pffft." Rainbow shrugged. "I'm not hungry anyway."

"Really, though..." Twilight smirked slightly. "Having an apprentice of my own has... a nice ring to it."

"Always two there are."

"Huh?"

"Ahem... s-sorry. Just winging it."

"And I'm sorry if I sounded mad at you, Rainbow," Twilight said. "You've been AWOL a lot lately. And suddenly you show up with... with THIS." Twilight shuddered. "It kind of threw me for a loop."

"Hey. Some of us are really busy these days." Rainbow shrugged. "So what if I decided to share the love."

"Y'know, Rainbow..."

"Hmmm?"

Twilight smiled tranquilly up at her. "Going out of your way to find a unicorn who had lost everything and then sacrificing your time and energy to bring her out of that pit...?"

"Yeah? What about it?"

"I can't think of anything more loyal."

Rainbow fidgeted. "Uhm... let's just say I owe Trixie."

"Like what?"

Rainbow blinked. A few seconds later, she blurted. "An unforgettable favor."

Twilight merely smiled. "I'll take your word for it."

"Well... I gotta skate."

"I figured you had to." Twilight sighed. "Just... don't become a stranger, Rainbow."

"I'll try not to be."

"Uh huh." As Rainbow darted out the door, Twilight stepped up to Trixie. "So, Trixie... where to begin? Oh! I know! Lesson One! Basic teleportation spells!"

"Ungh! Trixie is not about to risk materializing inside one of this town's manure-reeking buildings!"

"... ... ...Lesson Zero. Common Etiquette."

Trixie gulped and blushed, ears folded. "The Great and Humble Trixie is listening..."

Dammit, Do

The moment that Rainbow Dash flew out of Twilight's Library, she was alerted by a loud throat clearing behind her. She spun around and glanced up to see a curious sight. “Uhhhh...” Rainbow squinted, tail flicking. “H-how...?!”

“All things considered, you're not a hard pony to track.” Daring Do dove, flipped, and landed in a low squat. “Your tail is all the colors of the spectrum. You leave explosions in your wake. And there's absolutely nopony... nopony in all of Equestria whose voice cracks like yours.”

Rainbow frowned. “So is that what you stalked me to my hometown to do?” She grumbled, “Poke fun at me?” She craned her neck. “How'd you even get here so fast, anyways?”

“I've got an even bigger question.” Daring smirked. “What are you going to do with the shard?”

Rainbow blinked at her.

“Or... have you already... done something with it?” Daring raised an eyebrow beneath the brim of her hat. “Eh?”

“I... uh...” Rainbow Dash fidgeted. “I-I've no idea what you're talking about.”

“Please...” Daring tilted her pith helmet back and paced around the pegasus. “I may not remember anything about Dredgemane, but I remember what I was sent there to do. And, fact of the matter is, I never found it. I'm willing to bet that you did.” She swiveled to a stop, hooves scuffing, and stared intently at Rainbow. “You... who's been filling in my loyal spot for Noir these days.”

Rainbow gulped. “You don't say...”

“Although, quite frankly, I don't know why he sent me. You've obviously got it covered.” Daring's muzzle hung open as she looked Rainbow up and down. “...unless Noir has a reason for me not to trust you any more than he does.”

“And what would you do if you suspected something, huh?” Rainbow Dash glared. “Do I even look like a chaos lord to you?”

Silence.

“Hmmm...” Daring smirked. “You know what, kiddo? No. No, you don't.” She leaned forward. “And if you did get your hooves on the shard, you could have done a gazillion things to have flattened Dredgemane to dust, and yet you didn't... did you?”

“What about the wheels shattered all across town?” Rainbow smirked. “Couldn't those have been my doing?”

“Pffft... naaah.”

“Why not?”

“Totally not your style.” Daring pointed. “You strike me as a pony who likes to throw herself at crap, even if it means breaking her spine to get something done.”

“Some of us just don't know any better.”

“But they know enough.” Daring took a deep breath. “And it' a heck of a lot to bear on your shoulders. I've only one question. Do you think you can handle it?”

“I've been handling it pretty well so far.”

“Of that, I've no doubt.” Daring's eyes narrowed. “But how long can you keep it going?”

Rainbow was momentarily speechless.

“I'm not blind, y'know.” Daring tapped one of Rainbow's knees. “There's more to you that's vulnerable. More than you let on.”

Rainbow stumbled slightly, wincing in her attempt to recover from the otherwise light gesture. “Wh-what, are you a pscyhiatrist now?”

“I'm an entrepreneur of many things.” Daring smirked devilishly. “But more than anything, I'm observant. I'm observant of clues... observant of ancient treasures... observant of character...”

“And is what you observe enough to let me off the hook in good faith?” Rainbow asked.

Daring took a deep breath. “You know what? Sure.”

“And why's that?”

“Because I'm not convince that you could have gotten the shard completely on your own. Pinkie Pie... her deadpan sister... that snobbish unicorn...” Daring cocked her head to the side. “We were all your partners in crime, weren't we?”

Rainbow slowly, slowly nodded.

Daring's nostrils flared. In a dull tone, she murmured, “Anypony who's willing to put up with me as long as they have without killing someone deserves a medal.” Her ears twithced. “They'd might as well win an ancient chaos stone.”

Rainbow shifted on her hooves. “You're...” She cleared her throat. “You're... y'know... not that bad, Daring.” She shrugged. “In many ways you're like... looking in the mirror.” She smiled gently.

“Heh...” Daring chuckled. “As if I was that clingy.”

Rainbow's brow furrowed. “What the hay is that supposed to mean?”

“Hmmmf...” Daring trotted by, pausing to ruffle the mare's mane. “You'd ask such a thing, champ.” Fwooosh! She lifted up in the air on mustard wings. “I'll be watching from afar. For Noir's sake, y'know. Like I'd give a crap how many walls you run into.”

“Heh...” Rainbow smirked. “I don't doubt that for a second.”

“Check out one of my books sometime.”

“I don't do reading.”

“Yeah, but you do adventure. And I'm willing to bet—from the looks of things—you do it pretty darn well.” The mare winked, tipping her helmet forward. “Y'know, kiddo, all it takes is a little bit of daring, and you can make your life even more awesome. Trust me.”

“Heh. Fine. I'll give reading a try.”

“Pfft. I stopped talking about 'reading' two sentences ago.” FWOOSH! And like a page out of a book, she was gone.

The Matter of Our Discussion

As the sun set over Ponyville, a lavender shape and a blue shape trotted out of Twilight's library. They were greeted from across the street by a pink shape, a yellow shape, an orange shape, and a white shape. The ponies met in the center of the street, exchanging words. At first, the orange shape and the white shape hesitated, glancing at one another. Then, followed by pink and yellow's example, the other two mares drifted forward, shaking Trixie's hoof and murmuring words of friendly welcome. As a group, the six wandered off towards Sugarcube Corner.

Rainbow Dash stood on a tree branch overlooking the streets of the town. Her ruby eyes followed the orange shape in particular. A long breath filtered in and out of her lungs.

“I know that look...”

Rainbow sighed. She glanced lethargically aside.

Lancie reclined forward on a lone branch, his stone legs dangling as he smiled.

“And I know that feeling.” He smiled a fanged smile. “The question is... do you know it?”

“Meh.”

“Come onnnnnnnnn... you're starting to get used to it, aren't you?” He winked. “That feeling of accomplishment... of having kicked flanks and taken names yet again. How many times is this in a row? Three? Actually, you went a round without me, if I recall. So that makes it at least four.”

“I should be miserable,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “Even though we got the shard, I'm right back where I started.”

“You mean being a loyal adventurer who puts the safety and feelings of others above all else?” Lancie's eyes narrowed. “Even your own undying crush?”

“The buck are you even getting at, Lancie?”

“Isn't this enough?” Lancie shrugged. “Sparky, you've got it all! The smoothe moves! The speedy strut! The devil-may-care grin and the slippery ability to escape certain death with whatever angle it decides to launch itself at you!”

“Mehhhhhh...”

“So, tell me, Sparky...” Lancie raised a stone eyebrow. “Why seek more? What more is there? Must you always pretend that you're living in some alternate universe where you absolutely... positively must share your spot on the sinking ship with a special somepony?”

Rainbow Dash glared at him.

Lancie stared back with a patient grin.

Rainbow leaned forward, motioning towards herself with a blue hoof.

Lancie stood up and shuffled closer, craning an ear.

Rainbow gulped and spoke in a firm voice. “I'm as awesome as awesomeness can be,” she said. Her brow furrowed. “But I am still just one pony.”

Lancie leaned his head to the side. He scratched his stone goatee.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, sighed, and said. “I'm hungry, you?”

“Pfft. I'm a piece of living chaos stone. There's nothing that would entice me.”

“Tater tots?”

“... ... ...this immortal being is willing to make an exception.”

“Heh...” Rainbow Dash planted him on her back and spread her wings. “As long as one of us can.” And with that, she dove off and flew home.

“I do not understand it,” Don Canter hissed, leaning his obese figure forward in the pale yellow light above the meeting table. “I just... don't...” He slammed his hoof down onto the tabletop. WHUD “...understand it!” His lackeys frowned on either side of him. “How could you have not only screwed up your contract in both Fillydelphia and Dredgemane... but have forgotten everything about it?!”

The diamond dogs barked angrily. Top Dog howled loudest of all, shaking his gauntlets in anger. Atop the table, Squidgey rolled around in its jar and glowed with an angry green glow.

Romulus stood, flanked by several haggard and bruised thugs. His beak clicked as he gazed past the other criminals with a thousand-mile stare.

“I...” His feathers twitched as he tried to find the words. “I can't... I don't...” He gulped. “You must understand, nothing like has ever... h-has ever happened to...”

One of the thugs cleared his throat, stepped forward, and lowered his fedora. “Boss, hear us out. Somepony or something put a spell on us. It's the only explanation!”

“The only explanation I'm seeing here is that my highest-paid stallions are yellow-bellied panty-waists who can't own up to what an incredible screw-up they've made of things!” Don Canter chewed on his cigar ravenously. “And, what's more, I should never... ever trust a griffon!”

Schiiiing! Romulus raised a scimitar across the table, glinting in Squidgey's light. His snarling voice was punctuated by a dozen thugs arming their weapons. “You'd better think twice before insulting my kind, you slimey worm!” He spat. “You've a lot of fat for me to gut!”

“Do you even know why you are threatening me?!” Don Canter frowned. “Look at yourself! You're coming apart at the seams!”

“I've got things taken care of!”

“Like you did in Dredgemane?! What even happened there?! Do you know?!”

“It was the blue pony!” Top Dog snarled, the hair rising on the back of his neck. “I'm telling you—she's not natural! She's got the freaky magic of the princesses helping her!”

“She must be a secret agent for Canterlot!” another dog barked. “A soldier in diguise.”

Romulus shuddered. “Or perhaps she's in charge of the Lunar Code.”

Don Canter raised an eyebrow. “What was that?”

Romulus clammed shut.

“You stupid buzzard! Is there something you're not telling us?!”

One of the thugs beside Romulus spoke up. “We know that we performed the hit in Fillydelphia just fine. The warehouse of that stupid bat pony blew up. That much we know, boss. After that...” He shrugged. “All a blur!”

“You were bewitched, ya stinkin' filthy animals!” Don Canter spat. “How in Tartarus' name did you get out of that stupid hole in the ground?”

“Dredgemane?” Romulus blinked steadily. “We... we had help...”

“Help?”

“Yeah, boss!” a thug nodded. “She bust us out of jail and everything! She's really, really gifted in magic!”

Don Canter squinted. “Who is...?”

“Sunset Shimmer, the one and only.” A mare trotted into the light, her fiery eyes reflecting Squidgey's eerie glow. She frowned wickedly. “I was deep underground when she cast the chaos spell...”

“When who did?!”

“The pegasus that you're after...” she sneered. “And the one whose guts I'm going to present you on a platter once I find her.” She punched one hoof against another. “Wherever she may be hiding...”

==Part Thirteen: Double Dash Dare You==

==Part Thirteen: Double Dash Dare You==

"At last but not least..." Pinkie Pie glided over to the table at Sugarcube Corner. She slapped down a tray, in the center of which was a glass boat full of multi-colored ice-cream scoops and golden wafers. "...we have the Strawberry Vanilla Explosion!" She winked. "The explosion part happens in your mouth. Just eat it slowly or else it'll happen in your other mouth." She giggle-snorted.

"Hmmmph... Very well." Trixie levitated a spoon and dug in liberally. "The Great and Powerful Trixie will lend her masterful sugar tooth in this sampling!"

"Watch it, Trixie." Twilight smirked aside. "Pinkie's servings are positively crammed with sugar."

"Quite true, darling," Rarity added from where she sat alongside Fluttershy. "You would not wish to overload yourself in the first go."

"The Great and Powerful Trixie knows what she is doing!" Trixie frowned. "If she wanted advice from Twilight Sparkle's esteeemed companions, she would have put up a bulletin!" And she crammed the spoon into her mouth. Seconds passed by. She stared straight ahead. Slowly, her pupils enlarged, and she shook and shook and shook.

"Oh my..." Fluttershy grimaced as the booth and the entire table began rattling. "Are you okay, Trixie?"

"She's..." Twilight encased Trixie in a magical field, stabilizing her. "She's quite fine." She winked at the others, then glanced at Trixie. "Is that right, Trixie?"

"Mffff..." Trixie tried speaking, but all that came out was a hoarse breath. At last, she murmured, "The Great and Powerful Trixie would like some water..."

Rarity chuckled as she slid a pitcher over. "What did we tell you, darling? You should learn to trust us."

"All things in moderation," Fluttershy said with a smile. "That includes sweet things."

Trixie hummed an echoing response as she chugged down several gulps of water. She gulped and exhaled, "The Great and Powerful Trixie has no limits!"

"You just keep telling yourself that," Twilight said. "It makes for a good work ethic, but not so much a practical lifestyle."

"Soooooooo..." Pinkie Pie leaned in, grinning. "Does that mean you like Strawberry Vanilla Explosion? Huh?! Huh?!"

"It... certainly lives up to its name," Trixie said, blushing slightly.

The rest of the girls at the table giggled.

"Oh, it's so precious when you pout, darling!" Rarity winked. "Your face ripens up like a melon. I had no idea."

"The Great and Powerful Trixie is not precious!" Trixie took a deep breath, then tilted her nose up. "But if by the melon analogy you mean to compliment Trixie's healthy complexion, then Trixie thanks you."

"Wow..." Fluttershy blinked. "She even expressed gratitude."

"Do not speak of the Great and Powerful Trixie in the third pony as if she is not here."

"Why not?" Twilight smirked. "You do."

Trixie fidgeted. "You have a point..."

"If you ask me, Fluttershy, I'd say Trixie has been making huge strides." Twilight leaned back against her seat. "You've come a long way from treating everypony as meager peasants, haven't you, Trixie?"

"It would be impractical at this point to do so, even if Trixie is truly higher than everypony else." Trixie fidgeted. "You've all accepted Trixie and given her a means for living that doesn't involve rock farming."

"Well, now that we're chumming it up... relatively speaking..." Rarity cleared her throat. "Perhaps you would allow me the chance to examine those marvelous, sparkling robes you are wearing."

"Bah!" Trixie flinched from her, hissing like a cat. "These are Lulamoon heirlooms! Trixie will not let you cut them to ribbons!"

"Nothing of the sort, darling!" Rarity gave an airy laugh. "I only wish to understand their basic design so that I can get started on making you some brand new ensembles. You look like a mare who would make a great modeler."

Trixie blinked. "You would... make dresses for Trixie?" She blinked again. "For free?"

"Only because I love to do so, darling!" Rarity smiled. "And whenever I make a new acquaintance, it's simply my pleasure to help them accessorize, and you are no exception."

Trixie fidgeted in her seat. "Trixie is... not used to such generosity."

"We figured, Trixie," Fluttershy said. "It just took us a while to get past... uhm, well... you to realize just how fascinating you really are."

"And what's so fascinating about Trixie?"

"Well, uhm... you're creative... well-spoken... assertive." Fluttershy smiled with warm cheeks. "What I wouldn't give to be as assertive as you."

"I dunno..." Twilight smirked. "I can't imagine her walking around, calling herself the 'Great and Powerful Fluttershy.'"

She and Pinkie and Rarity giggled.

Fluttershy brushed a few pink bangs aside and smiled. "I-I might just go with 'Kind and Cherishing.'"

"Trixie agrees. Most complementary."

"Why thank you, Trixie."

"Silence, pegasus!" Trixie scooped another bite of ice cream into her mouth. "Trixie is busy with more explosions!"

Fluttershy blew out the side of her mouth and gazed across the eatery. "Why thank you, Trixie..."

"It only makes sense that Trixie would have a sweet tooth!" Pinkie Pie grinned. "Deep down inside, she's all Pie!"

"And what makes you say that, darling?"

"She hung out with Maud so much that a lot of the Pie rubbed off on her! I just know that the two of them had plenty of rock candy together!" Pinkie glanced across the table. "Isn't that right, Dashie?"

Rainbow Dash snapped out of it, hovering aside the table. "Huh? Rock candy?"

"You of all ponies should remember what Trixie and Maud did together the most!"

"Why me?"

"Silly filly! You're the only one whose head didn't get the zap!"

Rainbow winced. "Pinkie, I was only in Dredgemane for two days. How would I know what Trixie and your sister did to hang out... or if they even hung out to begin with?!"

"I just can't get over the fact that an entire town suffered simultaneous memory loss." Twilight brushed her bangs aside as she gazed past Rainbow Dash in thought. "It sounds like a spell! But, considering the ancient artifacts that likely dwell beneath the upper crust of that bouldery city, it could very likely be the result of some magical phenomenon that none of us mortal ponies fully understand yet."

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash smiled awkwardly. "Sure! That works!"

"Trixie..." Twilight glanced aside. "After we've tackled the next few lessons and experiments that I'm working on, perhaps you would be so gracious as to teach me the history of Dredgemane and what you yourself learned there?"

"Mrmmmfff..." Trixie spooned more ice cream into her mouth. Her ears folded back as her cheeks turned rosier.

Twilight glared. "Trixie."

"Hmmm? What?" Trixie jolted. She dabbed her muzzle with a napkin and nodded. "Yes! Rocks! Magic! By all m-means!"

The girls around the table giggled.

"Should I grab seconds?" Pinkie asked.

"I wouldn't if I were you, Pinkie," Rarity said. "Trixie may be courageous, but I doubt her stomach is."

"Hmmmm..." Trixie sighed out her nostrils. "Sadly, the Great and Powerful Trixie agrees with you."

"Well, feel free to dig in, the rest of you!" Pinkie slid several spoons across the table. "I made it for seven, but it looks like we all get a few extra bites!"

"Here you go, Rainbow." Fluttershy slid one spoon towards where she hovered. "You've been quiet today. Maybe this will be the pick-me-up you need."

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow rubbed one forelimb against another. They were so numb at this point that she barely felt them. "I-I'd better not. I'm not a diet."

"A diet." Rarity squinted hard. "You."

"What of it?"

Rarity took extra strength to wrench her eyes off the petite pegasus. "You're generosity, Rarity, not jealousy." She took a liberal bite of vanilla wafers.

"Whelp, even more for us!" Pinkie said before shoving some spoonfuls into her own muzzle. "Mmmm-mmmm!"

"Say... just where is AJ, anyway?" Rainbow Dash boldly asked. "Seems strange for her to pass up a free ice cream session at Sugarcube Corner."

"Oh, she's... uhm..." Fluttershy fidgeted, eyes darting left and right.

Rainbow stared across the way at her. "She's what, Fluttershy?"

The pegasus bit her lip and finally met Rainbow's gaze. "She's... had extra incentive to work on the farm as of late."

"Extra incentive?"

Fluttershy gulped. "Extra help."

Rainbow blinked. Her ears went flat. "Lemme guess..."

Part Thirteen: Double Dash Dare You
(Where Things at Home Get So Awkward that Rainbow Would Rather Be Headbutting)

A Modest Ponyposal

From afar, she looked like a smooth orange pebble along a green shore. Applejack pulled a wagon to a stop beside the barn, unhitched herself, and began unloading fruit baskets one by one.

Rainbow Dash exhaled slowly through her nostrils. A pair of wings quivered at her side, and she struggled to perch upright atop the lone tree branch . Her legs tingled beneath a deep-seeded numbness.

"'How ya doin', AJ?'" Rainbow Dash muttered into the breezy air. "'Been enjoying a good day's work while your best friend's clear across the kingdom, throwing down the gauntlet against a bunch of cursed wheels while tempting fate to repeat itself into oblivion?'"

Silence.

Rainbow Dash sighed, her ears twitching. "So what if Don Canter's goons killed me and the Pies off? At least Lancie coulda given her a palace to live in..." She bit her lip. "This sucks. I should see Zecora."

She turned around, then nearly slammed into a pair of bright green eyes.

"Hiya, Rainbow Dash!" a young stallion beamed.

"Gah!" Rainbow Dash fell out of the tree.

Fwoosh!

A strong pair of hooves grabbed her at the last second. She dangled just a few inches from the grass, wincing.

"Wh-whoah! Hey... eheheh..." Stu Leaves stammered, holding her upright. "A thousand pardons! Didn't mean to scare you!"

"I'm sure you... d-don't mean to do a lot of things," Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and hovered upright, numb legs dangling. "What the heck are you doing here?"

"Was just swinging by to deliver a few things for Granny Smith."

"Uh huh..."

"But I'm glad I ran into you!" Stu Leaves smiled. "AJ's been looking all over for you!"

"Yeah, that's nice to know—" Rainbow Dash did a double-take, her fuzzy cheeks turning slightly red. "She... sh-she has...?"

"Mmmhmm! Well, so have I... so's anypony as of late... eheheh..." He rolled his eyes and chuckled. "You seem to be a rather elusive pegasus these days."

"Uhhhhhhhh—"

"But yeah! AJ's totally been meaning to ask you something." Stu Leaves looked over Rainbow's shoulder and waved a hoof, shouting. "Yo AJ! Look who I found on a tree branch just now!"

"Shhhhhhhh!" Rainbow Dash hissed. "Dude! Just chill! Don't be so loud!"

"Hey, why not? Applejack only snaps at me when I'm soft-spoken. It's a big far, after all. Best to throw one's voice."

"You say that as if you've been hanging out here a lot."

"Only because I have been hanging out here a lot." Stu smirked. "I tell you what, after a mundane day of delivering postage and kicking clouds, apple bucking sure is good exercise!" He chuckled. "I bet that's why you like showing up at the farm so much!"

"Uhm..." Rainbow Dash bit her lips. "And... wh-who says that I... sh-show up here so much?"

"Rainbow?" Applejack's voice drawled from a distance. "Rainbow, sugarcube, is that you?"

Rainbow's heart melted at the mere sound of her voice. She pivoted around, body dangling limply from her beating wings. "Yessssssssss..." she cooed with a stupid grin.

"H-hey! Great find there, Stu!" Applejack trotted over from a long distance. "What brought you to this neck of the woods today?"

"Uhm... erm..." Rainbow squirmed. "I-I was just..."

"Nah, I meant Stu." Applejack squinted. "Granny Smith got you deliverin' another batch of sewin' supplies?"

"Eheheh..." Stu Leaves nodded. "You know it!"

"Well, that's mighty kind of you." Applejack smirked, wiping the sweat from her brow. "Best be quick about it!" She motioned her head towards the farmhouse. "This late in the day, she's liable to be nappin'."

"Right!" Stu Leaves blurred off. "I'll try to wake her lightly."

"Remember to knock three times on the front door first so as not to frighten Apple Bloom!"

"I always do!"

Applejack chuckled. "Nice feller... although a bit clumsy." She turned to smile at Rainbow. "Just gotta step him in line every so often."

"Still lookin' forward to kicking clouds with you sometime, Rainbow!"

"Shhhhhh!" Applejack hissed from long distance. "Wake Granny softly, y'hear?"

"S-sorry!"

Applejack sighed, then smiled at Rainbow. "See what I mean?"

"I... uh..." Rainbow Dash fidgeted in midair. "I-I heard that you were lookin' for me?"

"Darn tootin'." Applejack's freckled dimples showed in the afternoon light. "Just thought you might like to know that I spoke a bit with Fancy Pants' representatives..."

Rainbow Dash leaned her head to the side. "Yeahhhhh... and?"

"I wanted them to know that I'll be leavin' the farm for 'bout a week," Applejack said. "On account that I'll be makin' a long-distance business trip."

"Oh?"

"To Orlandoats, Fillyda," Applejack said with a smirk... a smirk that lasted half-a-minute.

Eventually, Rainbow blinked... then brightened. "Oh!" She grinned. "Ohhhhhhhh..."

"Heheheh..." Applejack chuckled, tilting the brim of her hat back. "It's all thanks to you that I ever got to consider Shindig's offer to begin with. The family and I've been mullin' it over, and we think that this is just too good an opportunity to pass up. Why, if we can branch our cider-makin' business that far south, and inheritin' Shindig's mill to boot, then we'll spread the Sweet Apple Acres franchise into an industry. It'll put Apple Bloom through college. Shucks, it'll put Winona through college!"

"Heeheehee..." Rainbow Dash smiled, her sides tingling. "That's so awesome, AJ! So, you and Big Mac will be making the trip down south soon?"

Applejack's smile faded slightly. "Erm... well..."

Rainbow blinked. "What?"

"Big Macintosh is workin' on somethin' else on the one week that I can go," Applejack explained. "He got in contact with an aqcuaintance of Fluttershy's—a produce salespony who's willin' to set up a stall to sell our apples over in Trottingham. He and Fluttershy will be makin' a trip over there just a few days before I can make my trip down south. It's really the only way we could squeeze both trips in. Apple Bloom and Granny will be holdin' the fort here. With the way things have been goin', it's not like they have to do much work. But still—"

"Let me get this straight..." Rainbow Dash's muzzle twisted. "You're going to be making the trip to Fillyda all by yourself?"

"Ain't like I've never done a trip that long before." Applejack smirk. "I'll manage."

"Like... how?" Rainbow Dash touched down on wobbling legs. "It's a super friggin' long trip, AJ! Even for a pony with wings!"

"Why, you've ever flown there before?"

"Well... no... but I've flown distances half as long and it's still taken a lot out of me." Rainbow Dash glanced across the farm. "I'm willing to bet you won't be going alone alone."

"Beg yer pardon?"

"I mean, you're off to make an impression on Ms. Shindig in Orlandoats. Won't you be taking—"

"—a wagon full of apples?" The mare nodded. "You betcha. Ain't no sense tryin' to sell my apples without the Celestia-given fruit, now is there?" She chuckled. "And it ain't no sweat, sugarcube. I'll pack enough thangs so that I can nap on the side of the road at sundown."

"It... it just seems like such a long haul," Rainbow said, pouting. "You sure Big Macintosh can't go with you?"

"I'm afraid not. Besides..." Applejack rolled her eyes and smirked. "Reckon he ain't goin' to Trottingham with Fluttershy just for business."

"Oh?"

"... ... ..."

Rainbow blinked. "Ohhhhhhhhh..." Rainbow winced. "Yeesh, I've been gone a lot lately."

"Mmmhmm. Sure have." Applejack smirked. "But I know you've just been busy." She chuckled. "Seems to be the way of things for everypony as of late."

"Still, AJ..." Rainbow muttered. "To travel to Fillyda alone..."

"Well, I sure wouldn't mind if Big Macintosh did come with," Applejack said. "Just to share of the load of these here apples n'all. But I know how things are. His heart's in another place, which is the least I can say 'bout his body... eheheheh..."

Rainbow's lips moved a century before she could stop herself. "Maybe I should come with you."

"Huh?"

Rainbow's pupils shrank. "Huh?"

"Rainbow, that's too kind, but I ain't talkin' about no afternoon jog." Applejack chuckled. "This is a long trip with few too little stops and lots of swampland and mosquitoes."

"Yeah? So?" Rainbow's heart was beating through her chest. "What good would there be in you wearing yourself out before you even have an opportunity to chat with this Shindig mare?" She gestured. "This is only the biggest thing to come Sweet Apple Acres' way since Fancy Pants established a business agreement with you guys. Don't you wanna get to Fillyda in your best health and spirits?"

"Mmmmm..." Applejack tapped her chin in thought. "It does get mighty dense in them southern forests. I sure wouldn't mind havin' a pony with wings to help scout out..."

"Not to mention drawing the wagon!" Rainbow grinned. "You'll wanna have healthy legs to shake her hoof when she signs the cider mill over to you!"

"Heheh... Rainbowwww..." Applejack chuckled. "Ain't no guarantee of thangs workin' out that well."

"Yeah? So? Best to plan ahead anyways, right?" Rainbow Dash squinted. "After all, Big Macintosh has a 'travel buddy.' So... y'know..." She swallowed the biggest lump of her life down her throat. "Why shouldn't you?"

Applejack blinked. Blinked again. Then she smiled. "Y'know what... that sounds like a mighty fine idea." Her teeth showed. "I think I just might take you up on that offer, sugarcube."

"For real?"

"Shoot, why not?" She chuckled. "It'd give us a chance to catch up."

"Yeah." Rainbow nodded. "Yeah, okay..."

"I'll just talk it over with Granny and Big Mac," Applejack said. "If another pony goes with me, I just might be able to truck along a few more apples." She made a move towards the barn, paused, and glanced back. "Ya sure ya ain't gonna have enough on your plate with yer deliveries and cloud kickin'? I mean... we are talking about a whole week together."

"Yeahhhhhh..." Rainbow cooed.

Applejack raised an eyebrow.

Rainbow twitched. "I-I mean..." She cleared her throat. "Yeah, I can totally work it in, AJ. Don't you sweat. I mean... not anymore than usual..."

"... ... ..." Applejack smiled. "Well, if y'all ain't the loyalest there is." A guffaw. "I'll catch you later, Rainbow. Shucks... this week just keeps getting better and better."

"Heh... tell me about it." Rainbow summoned the strength to wave her forelimb. "Catch you next time."

"Eeyup!" And Applejack strolled off in a brisk trot.

Number than an iceberg, Rainbow Dash turned around, flapping her wings as she scaled the trees beyond. "Omigoshomigoshomigosh..." She squeaked to the prevailing winds. "I'm going to totally die."

All Oranges and Mosquitoes

"Well, assuming the two of you trot into a nest of alligators, then yes." Lancie smirked from where he perched atop the bedside table. "You will most certainly die."

"Mmmmmmmmmm..." Rainbow Dash laid back on her bed, hugging a pillow to her fuzzy blue chest. A dumb smile was plastered across her muzzle. "Don't be a buzz kill."

"Me?! Pfft! You're the pony who barged in here, repeating over and over again how your life is about to come to an end!"

Rainbow Dash sat up with a dazed expression. "A week-long road trip to Fillyda..." Rainbow twitched. "Buck, we'd have to go through Alantrot, most likely. Which means that would take..." She spread her feathers and counted them one by one before coming to: "Nine days!" She stared at Lancie, gawking. "Nine days alone with Applejack!"

"You're acting as if you've never spent quality time with the mare before," the statue said. "If I'm not mistaken, beyond the whole platonic charade, you two are still insufferably platonic, are you not?"

"Yeah... sure... but..." Rainbow brushed her bangs back, shrugging. "We've always had Twilight or Fluttershy or the other girls around. The longest I've ever spent with just Applejack..." She lingered, blinking. Her gaze drifted out the window to her cloud home. "...was when I was trying to outrace her at the running of the leaves." She bit her lip. "And most of the time, we were butting heads."

"Among other things."

"Lancie..."

"Hey!" Lancie shrugged with a smirk. "I hear it gets warm and moist down in Fillyda! So, when in Roam..."

"Do you really... honestly think that I would pull any funny stuff with Applejack while on the road with her?"

"Jee, I dunno. You've only screwed over the last three chances you've had at metaphysically transforming the life of your special somepony." Lancie squinted. "It's like you're romantically bulimic."

"Heeheehee..."

Lancie blinked. "Well, I didn't think it was that funny."

"What I can't get over is just how easily Applejack was willing to let me tag along." Rainbow fell back again. Fwump! "I always figured that she was a mare who liked to do things on her lonesome." She grinned towards the ceiling. "Y'know... the hard way."

"Whelp, guess she's not like you envisioned her!" Lancie tossed his stone arms. "Game over, Sparky! Time to crush on somepony else!"

"Lancie..."

"How about that Pinkie Pie gal?" Lancie smirked. "'Pinkiedashery.' I bet if we tossed the next shard at her, it'd get stuck in her mane. Then you'd have to dive in and fish for it while she giggles at you, smelling of caramel and mirth." He craned his neck to glance at the pegasus' wings. "Huh? Not even a tiny ruffle?"

"I'm not some pathetic, tail-wagging horndog who gets smitten with every mare she sees." Rainbow stuck her tongue out. "The only other mare of my friends I've ever crushed on was Fluttershy."

"Oh really?"

"But that was—like—ages ago, back when I just a filly." Her nostrils flared. "I didn't really know what love was back then, or how to tell the difference from plain friendship. In my head, Fluttershy and I were like... uhhhh... a princess and her chivalrous knight." She rolled her eyes. "But that was all in my stupid head. I was only ever going to be just a friend to her, nothing more."

"Funny how history repeats, huh."

"Hey... hey." Rainbow Dash sat up again, this time frowning. "Applejack is totally different."

"In the words of the mighty buffalo..." Lancie glared. "HOW?!"

"For one thing, I'm not crushing as hard on her as I did on Fluttershy as a kid!"

"Pffft—Hah hah hah hah hah hahhh!" Lancie fell back on the table, legs kicking.

"Dude—SHUT UP!" Rainbow folded her forelimbs, frowning. "I'm not!"

"Hahahahahaha!"

"For real!" Rainbow Dash squirmed. "If she rejects me, I'm... I-I..." She took a deep breath. "I'm totally ready for it..."

"Oh really, Miss Suicide Drool?" Lancie looked up, wiping an invisible tear from his granite face. "Because you seem really keen to dive into the nearest canyon just for the sake of possibly-maybe blessing the life of Princess Frecklestasia."

"Look, she's told me herself that her biggest secret fantasy is to be swept off her hooves by some dashing gentlecolt." Rainbow's nostrils flared. "And... like... somehow that isn't such a big deal, because nothing's going to change just how awesome... how sexy... how strong and kind and.... and Applejack she is." The mare hugged herself. "If I can—in any way—make it so that this universe revolves more and more around her, then it's... it's all okay... y'know?" Rainbow smiled awkwardly, sniffling. "I just wanna make sure that AJ's happy. If that's all I get out of... out of who we are." She shrugged. "Then it's not such a cray cray world to live alone in."

"Wanna put your muscle where your muzzle is?"

"Huh?"

"Just saying..." Lancie shrugged. "It's a long trip to Orlandoats and back to see this Shindig pony." He smirked. "Maybe now's a good time to pop the question."

Rainbow Dash blinked.

"Or the blood vessel in your head." Lanchie yawned. "Whichever comes first around Applejack."

"I... I-I can't tell her how I feel," Rainbow stammered. "Not now." She sighed. "Perhaps not ever."

"That's going to make for quite a stressful trip," Lancie said. "I'm made of stone, and yet I'm not the one in this room who stands to be shattered to a gazillion tiny pebbly bits."

"Guh... I just came back from Dredgemane, Lancie," Rainbow grumbled. "Don't say 'pebbly.'"

"That reminds me. How are you going to handle the Fillydian grind through the swamp if your legs are reduced to peanut butter?"

"I'm glad you asked." Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and carried herself over towards the doorknob where her saddlebag hung. "It's high time I saw someone black, white, and shamanistic all over."

"... ... ...a Mexicolt newspaper?"

"Zecora, ya melon fudge!"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh..." Lancie smirked. "I was close, though."

"Go put your finger in a socket."

"I get mighty bored when you're away."

"Whatever."

By Her Stripes, You Are D'awww'd

On blue, fluttering wings, Rainbow Dash descended into the heart of the Everfree Forest. A familiar, run-down castle loomed above the steep cliffs of a gorge that ran deeply through the remote region. Threading her way through a crack in the stonework ceiling, Rainbow Dash touched down on the rubble-strewn throne room.

There, she stood up, looking around.

"... ... ..."

Rainbow Dash blinked.

"...Zecora?"

No response.

The pegasus turned around, eyes darting every which way.

"Zecora?"

Silence.

"Noir?!"

More silence.

Flapping her wings, Rainbow Dash scaled the steps and looked around the throne itself. There was no sign of the stallion, nor the striped mare in charge of his care.

"Zecora?! Noir?! Where are you guys?!"

All that returned was Rainbow's lonely echo.

She bit her lip, zipping around each pillar and gazing down each hallway. Holding her breath, she flew down corridor after corridor, looking into each room and chamber and alcove she could find. It was desolate and still inside every wing of the castle, and as the search carried on for five minutes... ten minutes.. fifteen... Rainbow Dash started losing hope of finding the two ponies anywhere.

"Come on, guys! This isn't funny!" She frowned, gliding past tapestries and cobwebbed support beams. "Where in the heck did you guys—?!"

Rainbow skidded to a stop in mid-air, numb legs dangling. She glanced up at the sliver of sky glimmering through the exposed roof of the throne room.

With a deep breath, she flapped her wings harder and ascended through the fissure.

Minutes later, Rainbow Dash sped her way to a tiny open patch in the trees. Dropping down, she land before Zecora's hut, fumbling slightly on tingly hooves.

There was a light on inside the house.

Rainbow held a weak hoof up to the door, but hesitated. She tried holding the other hoof up, only to frown. Pivoting about, she considered lifting one of her numb rear legs—

"Is somepony there? Say something so I can hear!"

Rainbow exhaled, smiling. "Zecora! Boy am I glad to hear you!"

"Rainbow Dash, my pony friend! I've been wondering where you were! Come on in!"

Rainbow fidgeted, ultimately clasping the door handle with her teeth and pulling it open. She stumbled inside, catching her breath. Across the interior, the striped mare in question could be seen looming over a cauldron of bubbling broth.

"It appears to me that you are back from your journey," Zecora said with a smile.

"Er... yeah..." Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. "Why weren't you at the castle? I thought I told you it'd be safest there—"

"Daring Do reported in," Noir said in Rainbow Dash's ear. "She came back here right after she—"

"Gaaaah!" Rainbow flinched, bumping into the fireplace and collapsing on her chest. "Nnngh... guhh!"

Noir winced, his body covered in several places with bandages. "My apologies."

"Somepony should put a bell on you!" Rainbow heaved and hyperventilated.

"I am not used to being awake at this hour," Noir said, keeping away from the windows and the light coming from outside. "I forget how easy it is for the sounds of daytime to mask my movement."

"Yeah, well I almost just made a little movement of my own!" Rainbow Dash struggled onto her wobbling hooves. "Cheese and crackers, I've never jumped so hard in my life!"

Zecora chuckled and paused in stirring her broth. "Your sarosian friend is on the mend," she said. "Keeping him in the castle was far too much hastle. So I brought him here where all of my tools and herbs are near."

"I wasn't aware that you were close friends with a practicing Zebraharan shaman," said Noir.

"Yeah... well..." Rainbow cleared her throat. "Would you brag about your pocket zebras?"

"Zecora says that she's been assisting you with an acute case of pegasus atrophy."

Rainbow gritted her teeth, the hairs on the back of her neck rising. "Did... she now...?"

"Many bandages and a bed for Noir I've made," Zecora said in a calm voice. "One secret for another, I think, is fair trade."

"Zecora, please, you gotta understand." Rainbow Dash tried trotting across the hut, but had to resort to flapping her wings instead. "I've kinda sorta turned into a freelance adventurer as of late. It comes with its own share of danger that I didn't want any of my friends getting mixed up in! That includes you!" She pointed across the way. "Noir here is living proof of what kind of nasty-nasties I'm crossing paths with."

"Oh Rainbow Dash, calm your nerves!" Zecora exclaimed. "To think I'm angry with you would be absurd!" She poured a few more ounces of seasoning into the broth and resumed stirring. "However, you do have my utmost concern. From what Noir tells me, he's not the only one who could have gotten burned!"

"Yeah, well, good thing I'm such an expert at covering my tracks!" Rainbow said, though she winced. "Except for when it comes to Daring Do, I suppose."

"I wouldn't take it the hard way," Noir said, stumbling across the hut. He winced a bit from his wounds and found a thick patch of hay to lie down. "Nnnngh... she's paid as high as she is by the Lunar Code for a reason."

"Did you realize she was such a friggin' egomaniac when you hired her?"

"Loyalty and skill come with their fair share of... eccentricities," the stallion muttered. His slitted, amber eyes narrowed on Rainbow. "Like a pegasus who hunts after shards while her legs threaten to give out on her..."

"Well..."

"And doesn't incorporate the other Elements of Harmony," Noir growled. "Of whom she is an avid member, apparently."

"Look... the less ponies who get involved with this, the better!" Rainbow grunted. She waved a numb hoof across the room. "Back in Dredgemane, my friend Pinkie Pie and a bunch of other innocents got tangled up with me, Daring, and a buckton of baddies! I'm lucky to have gotten out of there without Don Canter or Romulus knocking on any of my gal-pals' doors!"

"So is that what prompted the spell?"

"The... sp-spell?"

"Daring Do is no fool," Noir said. "After the clues she discovered from the black market, she went to Dredgemane with one clear mission: to retrieve the chaos shard that was smuggled there at all costs. The fact that she came back can only mean that it had fallen into more capable hooves. And—knowing your experience with the shards..."

"Yeah...?"

"Well..." Noir stretched his bandaged, leathery wings. "It stands to reason that you are exercising some sort of mastery over them."

"Uh huh..." Rainbow fidgeted.

"While the turnout was most certainly convenient, I must say I'm rather concerned, Rainbow Dash." His leafy ears twitched. "Chaos magic is not something to be casually tampered with. It has the power to corrupt absolutely."

"Pffft..." Rainbow Dash hovered close to the ceiling with a smug grin. "Do I look corrupted to you?"

"No, you look both sick and desperate," Noir said. "Which is the easiest thing of all to corrupt."

Rainbow Dash bit her lip.

"Ms. Dash, listen to me." Noir sighed, his fangs showing slightly. "I am honored by how selfleslsy you have served the Lunar Code in retrieving these shards. You've sacrificed so much of your time and well-being, and I regret that it's nearly cost the safety of your friends." He gestured with a dark fetlock. "I'm also very... very thankful that you and Zecora here have saved my life. That being said, I still wonder if you know exactly what you're getting into with this hunt."

"Well... no, Noir, I don't know what I'm getting into."

"Rainbow—"

"And that's a good thing, don't you think?" Rainbow grinned stupidly. "Perhaps the best thing?"

Noir opened his mouth to speak, but lingered. He leaned back in his bed of hay, exhaling a contemplative breath.

"She has a good point, dear sir," Zecora said. "There isn't a corruptible bone in her."

"See!" Rainbow pointed. "I knew somepony would agree with me!"

"After all, even Zebraharan lore speaks of chaos lords and more." The zebra stirred her broth and spoke. "Every wielder of pain knew exactly what they would gain. Sometimes it takes willful ignorance to maintain one's own shield of innocence."

"Uhhhh... what she said." Rainbow grinned. "Plus, now you have further proof that I'm a fully-employed wielder of harmony!" She winked. "That's about as far away from chaos as you can get!"

"Hmmmm..." Noir clenched his jaw. "Perhaps. Then again... perhaps you've just been damned lucky."

"Jee..." Rainbow's ears drooped as she glared. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"It's not just my vote," Noir said. "Aside from Zecora's words of support, I have Daring Do's testimony to go by."

"What testimony?" Rainbow droned. "I had to give that town an amnesia bomb. Don Canter's thugs had to be thwarted and I had very little time to be delicate."

"She's a great judge of character, which probably explains why hers is so off-the-wall." He smiled slightly. "If Daring Do believes in you, then so do I. Besides... I owe you that much."

"Eh... let's not get into who owes what, okay?" Rainbow Dash waved a hoof. "I'd say we should just concentrate on the rest of the shard-shuffling."

"Not quite so fast."

"H-huh?"

"I suggest that we lay low for a bit," he said. "Romulus and Don Canter's ponies followed you into Dredgemane. That, to me, is a sign that they don't have any personal knowledge of where the remaining shards are. If you were to hone in on your skills and find more, especially so early—"

"—they could tail me again," Rainbow said, gulping. "Yeah... I-I dunno if I have another amnesia bomb in me."

"Noir is giving some very sound advice," Zecora said. "Besides, according to him, you've already scavenged the shards thrice."

"I wouldn't mind a break from the break-neck stress," Rainbow said with a shudder. "So... does this mean you're chilling here for a while?"

"So long as Zecora will allow me," Noir said. "I sent Daring Do off to bring messages to the other members of the Lunar Code. With the lair in Fillydelphia torched, it's an extra-long distance to the next gate that leads to New Saros."

"I told him that he must stay here until he gets better," Zecora said. "In the meantime, I am studying sarosian physiology to the letter." Her lips curved. "I've never been able to heal his kind before. I feel like I've increased my knowledge for whatever health cases tomorrow has in store."

"Well... so long as you've found a silver lining in all of this, Zecchy girl," Rainbow said. "Cuz I'm totally not proud of forcing you to have somepony crash here. I mean... I'm sure you miss the peace and quiet of Everfree."

"Oh, don't be silly! I'm happy with the camraderie!" Zecora exclaimed. "Besides, this is all for a good cause, and it isn't truly putting my life on pause."

"Well... that's cool n'stuff..." Rainbow smiled. "So, now that we got all of that clear up... uhm... I-I don't suppose I could trouble you for—?"

Zecora smiled, grasping two large wooden jugs from a nearby counter and hoofing them over to Rainbow.

The mare blinked, her eyes widening. She tried grasping them, only to fall back on her rump, hugging the sloshing containers of potion to her fuzzy chest. "Unnff!" She gritted her teeth. "Horseapples, Zecora! Is this... are these what I think they are?"

"They should last you a while, I assume," Zecora said with a nod. "Presuming your stomach has enough room."

"But... but..." Rainbow grimaced. "I-I totally still need to get the ingredients n'stuff! Zecora, this is super-nice, b-but I can't possibly take this stuff without paying you! I mean—"

"It is not your burden this time to pay," Zecora said. "I do believe another pony has covered it today."

Rainbow blinked.

Zecora smirked, then jerked her head to the side.

Rainbow glanced over. "...you?"

"The Lunar Code is in possession of much silver," he said. "Minerals mined from New Saros itself."

"But... b-but..."

He waved a hoof. "I can tell you're a mare who doesn't take gifts easily. Think of it this way." His amber eyes were firm. "We're depending on you to find these shards. If this quaff makes up for your physical shortcomings, then it's a small price to pay."

Rainbow blinked. "Huh..." She nodded, holding the jars closer. "Yeah... okay. Okay." She smirked. "Sounds like a deal."

"Good. Now, do us all a favor," he said, frowning. "And try not to cast any more amnesia spells."

"Heh! What do I look like? A witch doctor?" Rainbow bit her lip, then glanced over at Zecora. "N-no offense."

"Heheheh... None taken, oh fuzz forsaken."

Cottageshy

Thwack Thwack Thwack! Rainbow Dash gripped a hammer in the crook of her hoof, nailing a loose floorboard in place inside Fluttershy's cottage.

Fluttershy raised her voice to speak above the noise. "Wow, Rainbow Dash! Did Zecora really give you enough of that potion to last you a month?!"

Rainbow Dash spat out another nail and set it in place. "Mrmmmf... mmmhmmm!" Thwack thwack! "So long as I ration the stuff. Pace it out, y'know? I'm good to go!"

"It's not too watered down is it? I mean... does it really work?"

"I dunno..." Thwack! Rainbow Dash hammered the last nail in and turned towards Fluttershy. "You tell me!"

"Oh my... that's such a good thing," Fluttershy said, wingtips fluttering. "I guess you needed some way to test it out to see if it was working, huh?"

"Yup!"

"Well, thanks for helping me replace that old squeaky floorboard," Fluttershy remarked. "It was such a bother. Poor Angel kept tripping over it every night after the sun went down."

Rainbow Dash flew over to a nearby table and placed the tools down. "What I don't understand is how come you haven't had your big and strong coltfriend take care of it."

"Huh?" Fluttershy blinked. "Oh! You mean Big Macintosh?" She pawed at the floor, blushing with a smile. "He'd only... p-punch a hole through the floor with how big his limbs are. Eheh..."

"I'm scared to think of what happens when he hugs you, girl."

"Oh! It's nothing like that!" Fluttershy cooed. "He's so soft and gentle when he wants to be. It's just the menial stuff that he fumbles around with. But it's okay." She smiled with her eyes shut. "He's my big, lovable goof."

"Bleakkk..."

"Oh Rainbow." Fluttershy blew her bangs out from her eyes and smirked. "Don't be that way. We both know that deep down inside, you have the more romantic heart out of both of us."

"Yeah. I just... don't ever wanna be so gushy about it," Rainbow Dash said, shuddering. "Out loud."

"Even if you were given the chance to say your feelings to Applejack?"

"Yeah, but assuming that ever happened, it'd be someplace far away." Rainbow gulped. "In a sound proof cabin." Her cheeks reddened. "Very... very sound proof."

"Hehehe..." Fluttershy smiled. Soon, however, that smile faded. "Uhm... Rainbow, I want you to know that—yesterday—when we were sitting at the table with Trixie and Applejack came up, I didn't say much because I didn't want to bring up—"

"Yeah, yeah... I get it Fluttershy." Rainbow sighed. "And I thank you."

"Uh huh..."

Rainbow Dash clenched her jaw, fidgeting beside the table.

"Is... there something on your mind, Rainbow?"

"Yeah. I guess. I uh..." Rainbow squirmed. "I kinda sorta volunteered to accompany Applejack on her business trip to Orlandoats."

"Orlandoats?" Fluttershy blinked. "As in Orlandoats, Fillyda?!"

"Uh huh. And she was totally down for it."

"Really?!" Fluttershy beamed. "Oh, Rainbow, that's wonderful! You must be so thrilled!"

"Eh... that's one for it."

"I'm sure Applejack is very happy," Fluttershy said. She trotted over and gave Rainbow a playful nuzzle. "To have such a kind, loyal, adorable friend to spend such quality time with. Mmmmm..."

"Guh! Fluttershy!" Rainbow shoved back. "Cut it out!"

"Heeheehee!"

"I'm looking forward to it as well," Rainbow said. "At least... slightly more 'looking forward' than I am 'absolutely bucking terrified.'"

"Awwwwww. Rainbowwwww..." Fluttershy shook her head. "Don't think of it like that!"

"I'm not sure there even is anything worth 'thinking of!'" She sighed heavily. "For all I know, it may be too friggin' late to catch up with her."

"Huh? Whatever do you mean?"

"You hang out with Big Mac all the time, Fluttershy," Rainbow muttered. "I'm sure he talks about the farm a lot."

"Well, to me, he does."

"Tell me..." Rainbow fidgeted, slowly... nervously turning to look at her friend. "...does he ever talk about him?"

Fluttershy blinked.

"You know..." Rainbow frowned. "HIM."

Fluttershy leaned back. "Ohhhhhhhhhhh...!" She smiled gently. "Well, if you ask me, he seems like such a nice pony."

"Uh huh. Yeah. I bet." Rainbow paced, grumbling. "And what does Big Mac think?"

"Erm... B-Big Mac doesn't hang out with Stu Leaves that much."

"Yeah? Why not?"

"Well... Stu is certainly nice, but he's also very talkative." Fluttershy giggled slightly. "And about as typical as pegasus stallions get."

"A lot of air upstairs?"

"But he means well! And he's been helping out—"

"—Applejack. Yeah. I noticed."

"Erm... n-not just Applejack, Rainbow, but all of Ponyville!"

Rainbow turned and squinted at her. "Huh?"

Fluttershy smirked. "You really haven't been around much, have you?" She trotted over. "Stu Leaves has been volunteering all across town. I've seen him helping the Cakes fix the roof to Sugarcube Corner. Just the other day, he assisted Twilight Sparkle in taking weather samples of the noonday sky. According to Roseluck, he's helped the elderly citizens with their gardening."

"Yeesh..." Rainbow's ears folded. "Talk about wanting to make a splash..."

"I think it's a great deal more genuine than that, Rainbow Dash. He's Cloudsdalian—born and raised. And you know what it's like to live and breathe that City..." Fluttershy smiled. "...to relish that unbound feeling of altruism and devotion to the elements! We're all born stewards of the earth—some more than others. Stu Leaves is just such a specimen."

"Yeah, well, if you say so..." Rainbow Dash's tail flicked limply as she gazed at the floor. "It just seems to me like all he's doing is rubbing up to Applejack... being super extra friendly."

"Heehee... you know how it is with pegasi when we first see a farm. I bet he's mesmerized by it all! I wouldn't blame him for wanting to help out with crops more than anything!"

"Heh..." Rainbow chuckled. "You got a point there. The first time I learned that corn sprouted out from dirt, I nearly turned a cloud to chocolate."

"Heehee! You used to have a ground phobia."

"I did not!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "I just... thought the ground was boring, that's all!"

"Rainbow Dash, statistically, most pegasus colts and fillies have an innate fear of the earth. It's okay."

"Maybe you had a statistical fear of Terra Firma, Missy!"

"Actually, I recall being enraptured by earth and all its creatures when I first landed on the butterfly cloud."

"Yeah... well... uh... y-you had a phobia of everything else!"

"If you insist, Rainbow Dash." Fluttershy rolled her eyes. "You were never afraid of the ground."

"Guhhh..." Rainbow groaned, face-hoofing. "How come you're never this much of a troll when we're with the other girls?"

"Hmmmm..." Fluttershy smirked. "I wouldn't want to steal the spotlight."

"Heh. Consider it stolen, girl. With the hubcaps ripped off."

The two mares giggled for a space in time.

After the room went silent, Rainbow Dash eventually muttered, "In my life, I've run into dragons, diamond dogs, rampaging buffalo, and a whole bunch of nasty chaotic bad guys."

"Oh?"

Rainbow took a deep breath. "And yet... I'm almost certain that next week with Applejack is going to kill me."

"Awwwwwww... you're just being dramatic."

"Nah. I'm being real."

"Are you, now?" Fluttershy cocked her head to the side. "You know, Rainbow Dash..."

"Hmm? What, Flutters?"

The mare brushed her bangs aside for the umpteenth time and said, "Being able to spend that much time alone with the mare of your dreams..." She shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe you'll actually manage to get something off your chest."

Rainbow Dash stood dead-still.

"And... mmmmm... p-perhaps turn a new page in your life."

Rainbow slowly turned to gaze at Fluttershy with a neutral expression.

Fluttershy sighed. "...or maybe you'll just be you."

"I'm simply helping Applejack make it to Fillyda and back safely," Rainbow said. "This is a business trip, Fluttershy. Nothing else. I can't... I won't complicate things when there's so much on the line regarding Applejack's farm and her cider-making."

"And just how do you intend to fall asleep with her snoring just inches away from you when you stop for the night?"

"... ... ... I'm hoping the mosquitoes will knock me out."

"Unnngh... Rainbow Dash..."

"Annnnnnywho..." Rainbow Dash trotted across the cottage. "Was there any more hammer-and-nailing you needed me to do around the house?"

"Oh, actually... I just remembered!"

"What? Lemme guess... Angel's food dish."

"Rarity."

Rainbow blinked. "...Angel's going to eat Rarity?"

"No, I mean, she wants to see you."

"Yeah? Since when?"

"After you left Sugarcube Corner yesterday, she asked me to deliver a message," Fluttershy said. "Uhm... she wants you to meet her today at four thirty in the afternoon."

"She does?" Rainbow squinted. "Why such a freaky-deaky specific time?"

Fluttershy shrugged.

Rainbow groaned. "She's up to something, isn't she?"

"Knowing Rarity, I wouldn't doubt it."

"I don't suppose I can just bring some garlic with me and put her out of her misery."

"Rainbow Dasssssh..." Fluttershy pouted. "She's our friend!"

"Ungh... I know... I know! It's just... I've been feeling really squirmy around her ever since the Gala." Rainbow shuddered. "She totally knows that I've got a secret crush and its driving her batty."

"Now, that isn't her fault, now is it?"

Rainbow's wings deflated. She hung her head. "No..."

Fluttershy stared at her. "Hmmm..." She smiled, leaned over, and nuzzled the blue mare. "Just tell her I said 'hi.' She'll ease up."

"Just like that, huh?"

"Mmmhmmm."

"How is that you have that effect on ponies?"

"It's a gift," Fluttershy said with another shrug. "At least, that's what Big Macintosh calls it." Her pupils instantly shrank, and she hid nervously behind her own mane. "Erm... y-you didn't hear me say that."

"Say what?" Fwooosh! And Rainbow soared out of the cottage.

Moron a Trois

D-Ding!

The door to the Carousel Boutique swung open. Rainbow Dash trotted lightly through.

"Okaaaaaaay..." She sighed, glancing left and right. "Rarity, what did you need from me this ti—"

"Rainbow Dash!" Thwoooosh! Rarity zipped over, standing before her with a grin. A measuring tape and several spools of yarn were draped over her alabaster figure. "At last! You're here! Just the mare I was looking for!"

Rainbow Dash leaned back, a hoof raised. "Uh huh..."

"I trust that you got dear Fluttershy's message?"

"Well, it was more of a summons than a message, but—"

"Quickly!" Rarity grabbed Rainbow by the shoulder. "There isn't much time!"

"Whoah—!" Rainbow yelped as she was telekinetically tugged towards the center of the Boutique. "Rarity! Guh! Who said you could yank me around like this?!"

"Well, you're so terribly petite, darling!" An airy laugh. "It's not all that difficult to do!"

"Grrrrr... Rarity..." Rainbow stopped growling long enough to sigh. "Really, girl, I'm not exactly in the mood for trying on any gowns today—"

"No no no no—I most certainly wouldn't throw you into the throes of your own fashion statement upon such short notice!" Rarity spun and gestured towards a figure standing atop the dressing stage. "What I need is your opinion on this! Yours and no other!"

"Uhm, right." Rainbow Dash tilted her head up. She did a double-take.

Biting his lip, a lithe pony stood atop the stage, fidgeting slightly in a blue military suit. "Uhm... h-hi there," he said with a nervous smile.

"So?" Rarity grinned wide, pointing. "What do you think?"

"... ... ..." Rainbow glared. "... ... ... it's a stallion."

"Sharp Quill," he said, brown wing feathers twitching with emphasis. He slicked back his stone gray mane and waved. "Pleased to meet ya—"

Rarity stuck her head between the two. "Not him. Unh!" She rolled her dainty eyes and pointed at the suit with a renewed smile. "It's what the stallion is wearing!"

"Uh huh. What about it?"

"Well, is it or is it not spectacular?"

"Rarity, why in the hay are you asking me?"

"Erm..." Rarity fidgeted, bowing her head low. "Is it not standard dress for formal Wonderbolts attire...?" she whispered.

"Huh?" Rainbow gave the outfit on the stallion a second-glance. "Oh! Ohhhhh! It's a uniform!"

"Now you see it!"

"Pfft! Totally!" Rainbow gestured. "It's in all of their magazines."

"Magazines?" Sharp Quill asked.

"Heh... she's only joking, Mr. Quill." Rarity waved a hoof. "Rainbow Dash is not fond of reading. She wouldn't collect magazines."

"Bite your tongue! I do too!" Rainbow frowned. "Wonderbolts Monthly!" She pawed at the floor of the Boutique, ears twitching. "...I really like the pictures of them doing cloud-kicking corkscrews n'stuff."

Sharp Quill chuckled to himself.

Rarity smiled at him. Then she smiled at Rainbow. "Ahem..." She fluffed her own mane. "I do suppose an explanation is in order."

"Ya think?"

"You see, Rainbow, I've been commissioned to make an authentic-looking Wonderbolts uniform for a client's costume party that he will be attending in a week or so. He pays well, and he wants nothing short of the most accurate looking uniform imaginable!"

"Better not make it too accurate."

"I beg your pardon?"

Rainbow smirked. "I hear that the minimal penalty for impersonating a Wonderbolt or any other member of the Royal Aerial Guard is twenty months in pony prison, making gravel."

"Wait..." Sharp Quill's eyes darted about. "...what?"

"Eheheheh... don't mind Rainbow! She's quite the jokester! She adores pranking me and the rest of the girls all the time!" Rarity cleared her throat. "You're simply being jocular, aren't you, Rainbow?"

"I dunno. Ask the dude who came out of the slammer a few months ago. He went in there for mass-producing fake uniforms. He came out several years later with a face tattoo and four personalities."

"Erm..." Sharp Quill fidgeted, sweating.

"Oh well. The party's in Appleloosa." Rarity waved a hoof. "So..."

"Oh, then never mind, I guess." Rainbow yawned.

"Nevertheless, doesn't he look simply dapper?"

"Huh?" Rainbow blinked blearily. "Who, what?"

"Mr. Quill, of course!" Rarity trotted around him, tugging at the sleeves and collar of the uniform while the pegasus smiled awkwardly. "Presuming I got all the seams and insignias right, he's every bit the spitting image of Captain Spitfire himself!" Rarity grinned. "Wouldn't you agree?"

Rainbow fought the urge to snicker. "Uhhhh... Rarity?" Her tail flicked. "Spitfire's a mare."

Rarity's pupils shrank. "Oh! Uhm..." Her face muscles tensed. "I-I knew that! Besides..." She hopped down from the platform. "...unisex outfitting is the new thing, I suppose. Oh, what a temporary phase it will be. I assure you."

Rainbow shrugged. "Works for me."

"It's a little stiff in the rear," Sharp Quill said. He immediately winced, blushing. "C-cuz of the tail hole in the pants, I mean."

"Hmmm..." Rarity tapped her chin in thought. "I suppose I could alter it to be large."

"Nah, it should stay that tight," Rainbow said. She pointed up at the stallion. "If the suit's any baggier, it could become less aerodynamic."

"You mean..." Sharp Quill squinted. "Wonderbolts are actually expected to fly in this sort of a thing? I thought it was meant just for show."

"Heh. Nothing that the Wonderbolts do are just for show!" Rainbow Dash smirked. "Every card-carrying member of Spitfire's team is expected to fly for the safety of Equestria at a moment's notice!"

"You don't say!" Rarity exclaimed.

"Yup!" Rainbow nodded proudly. "They found out the hard way at the last Griffon Mount Summit! A rampaging manticore broke out of its hold and Soarin' and Fleetfoot had to take off and wrangle it down! They didn't have time to slip out of their dress uniforms! Cuz if they went any slower, that manticore would have taken off with the Duke of Featherton's eggs! Whew! I dunno about you, but I think a tragedy like that would have sent Griffon-Pony relations back by about fifty years!"

Silence.

Rarity spun towards Sharp Quill, beaming. "I did not know that! Isn't Rainbow Dash just riddled with Wonderbolt information?"

"Heh..." Sharp Quill smirked. "Sure beats me at any trivia."

"Trivia? Pfft!" Rainbow made a face. "It's the Wonderbolts! What's not to like?"

"Oh... It's not that I don't like them! I... uhm..." He bit his lip and avoided her gaze. "I sorta... uh..."

"He's half earth pony on his mother's side," Rarity said. "He works at the Harvest Family farm on weekdays and flies back to Los Pegasus for the weekends."

"Guess I'm loyal to a fault." Sharp Quill shrugged with a smile. "I'm too busy flying long distance to stop and watch any Wonderbolts show."

"S'all good." Rainbow Dash yawned again. "Nopony's perfect."

"I got to know him after he made a few deliveries for Golden Harvest and her sisters," Rarity said. "Gowns for the latest square-dance. Ohhhhhhh they're so adorably rustic!"

"You would know." Sharp Quill chuckled. "You made them!"

"And so when he stopped by today, I realized he was the same proportions as the stallion commissioning this piece!" Rarity gestured. "So I begged him to try it on for me. Like the gentlecolt he is, Mr. Quill agreed. I must say, generosity certainly is infectious, yes?"

"Yeah, I guess—"

"And your generosity is most appreciated, as always!" Rarity interrupted Rainbow Dash, taking a few more measurements of the suit. "I think I have everything finished up. Oh! But of course! The pockets! Unnh! Where is my mind, these days?! Let me see if I have the right material to sew them in." She trotted off briskly. "You two don't go anywherrrre!"

As Rarity left, Rainbow sighed and turned towards the stallion. "I'm sorry that she roped you into this. Rarity's really nice and all... buttttttt she has these habits of interrupting you in the middle of the day to do something of absolutely no importance."

"Heheh..." Sharp Quill nodded, fidgeting in the stiff uniform. "So I gathered."

"So long as you brush paths with her, you're a target for fashion." Rainbow smirked. "Remember that when you hang out with your friends again, so you can warn them."

"Heh... it's really not all that bad." Sharp Quill smirked. "So... you really dig the Wonderbolts, huh?"

"Hmmm? Oh. Yeah. Yeah, sure."

"They're really awesome, aren't they?"

"Oh... yeah! That's what I saw all the time! Awesome!"

"Heheh... awesome!"

"Uh huh..." Rainbow turned, gazing casually across the Boutique. "...awesome."

Sharp Quill blinked. "What was it like meeting them?"

Rainbow's head jerked towards him. Her brow furrowed. "Who told you that I did?"

Sharp Quill gulped. "Uhm... uhhhh—"

"This is an emergency!" Rarity rushed back, skidding to a stop. "I have run out of the materials that I need for making the absolute perfect handkerchief pockets!"

"So... like... order them or something," Rainbow said with a shrug.

"Rainbow, are you out of your pony mind?! I can only make these myself! And I can't put off the alteration for too long or else my client will become too impatient!"

"Yeah, so... wing it!"

"Guh! I am a unicorn of exquisite fashion!" Rarity teetered dramatically. "I cannot just wing it!" She paused, blinking. "Erm... n-no offense."

"Uhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash glanced at Sharp Quill, then at Rarity. "Are you talking to us still?"

"Oh! I know!" Rarity grinned. "The shops in downtown might have the materials I need! But... alas..." She pouted. "I'd have to search every one and that might take forever!"

"Uhhh..." Rainbow sighed long and hard, eventually muttering, "Do you need some... help—?"

"Ohhhh Rainbow! I thought you would never ask!" Rarity hugged the mare, then turned to look up at Sharp Quill. "I-I know you have much on your plate, Mr. Quill, but would you be willing to assist as well?"

"Rarity, for Celestia's sake! Don't get him—"

"Hey! It's quite fine!" He grinned, slowly and carefully unbuttoning the uniform before dismounting from the stage. "I've done my errands for my cousin today anyways!"

"Oh, thank you so... so much!" Rarity bowed low, smiling. "I promise that I shall make it worth your while! Both of you!"

"Uh huh. Whatever, Rarity." Rainbow smirked. "Let's get this over with, shall we?"

"Indubitably! Wait right here while I go gather my things!" Rarity trotted briskly off. "A lady is always prepaaaaared!"

Rainbow sighed out the side of her muzzle. She glanced aside at Sharp Quill. "Thanks, y'know... for doing this for my friend here."

"Don't mention it." Sharp Quill, sliding on a saddlebag. "The way I figure it, if we split up and cover different shops, then we'll help her faster and she won't have to fret about pleasing her client."

"Snkkkt...heeheehee."

Sharp Quill raised an eyebrow. "What's so funny?"

"Just the last thing you said, is all."

"What about it?"

"Think it over."

Sharp Quill squinted into the distance. Suddenly, his muzzle turned a slight shade of red. "Oh dear..."

"Hehehehe..." Rainbow nudged him. "Right?"

The stallion smirked. "I'd never would have thought of that. My, don't you have a colorful mind."

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow slicked her bangs back. "They gotta root somewhere."

"No kidding."

"Really, though, sorry you got wrangled into this hooplah."

"Hey... it's no big deal." Sharp Quill trotted with the mare into the lobby. "If there's anything I'm used to, it's being in two places at once."

Dense Potatoes are the Best

"I can't thank you two enough for helping me with this last second commission!" Rarity exclaimed, carrying a stuffed shopping bag on her flank. "Especially considering that I ended up finding what I needed in the first shop I went to. Who would have thought?!"

"Yeah... uh..." Rainbow scratched her head in mid-hover. "Since when did that fru-fruey Soap and Perfume shop in downtown sell the materials for making suit alteration materials?"

"Oh! Uhm... the... uh..." Rarity glanced at Sharp Quill, then smiled at Rainbow. "The owner is something of an entrepreneur! And—wouldn't you know it?! She had some some silk and felt on the side! What an absolute life-saver!"

"I'll say!" Sharp Quill said with a smirk.

"Heh... whatever works, I guess," Rainbow said with a shrug.

"I'm terribly sorry for taking your time," Rarity said.

"I didn't mind." Sharp Quill turned towards Rainbow, smiling. "The weather's nice, at least!"

"Yeah, not bad..." Rainbow yawned. "Considering it was kicked by somepony else today."

"I feel like I should make this up to you somehow," Rarity said. "The both of you." She turned and—all too quickly—set her eyes on a patio grill across the road. "Oh! I know! How about I treat you two to an early dinner?"

"Uh... that's really nice of you, Rarity," Rainbow said. "But... I kinda have things to do..."

"On an empty stomach?!" Rarity frowned. "Rainbow, I'm surprised at you! With that sort of attitude, you'll never grow any bigger!"

"Hey! For real!" Rainbow pouted. "Knock it off with the whole 'tiny pegasus' thing!"

"I think she's just the right size!" Sharp Quill said with a proud smirk.

"Hah!" Rainbow pointed at him. "See? Somepony with some good sense!"

"Eh heh heh heh..."

"Rainbow Dash." Rarity put her hoof down. "I must insist! Let me treat you to a deserving meal!"

"I... I-I just don't feel like my tummy needs anything stuffed in it at the moment. Besides, I was thinking of going by Sugarcube Corner later and I've still gotta work out what to pack for my trip to Fillyda with Applejack and—"

"I hear they serve the 'tater tots' here at this hour." Rarity said, grinning wide.

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash blinked. She looked at Rarity.

"Mrmmm-fmmchmmp..." Rainbow scarfed some fried potato bits down her muzzle, dipped another bite-sized piece into ketchp, and gulped it as well. "Mmmmmm..."

Rarity giggled and sipped from a cup of tea. She leaned back in her stool from across the restaurant's table. "Works every time..."

"Heh..." Sharp Quill nibbled on a daffodil sandwich and swallowed it down with some lemonade. The wind from beyond the patio's edge kicked at his light mane. "Guess we know where you get all that wingpower from."

"Mrmmmff... mmm-hmmm..." Rainbow gulped and took a breath. "Back at Flight Camp, they used to call me the Potato Twister."

"Is that a fact?"

"Yeah. The moment I caught wind of the cafeteria cooking up fries, they all disappeared."

"Heh... I'm surprised Cloudsdale got ahold of any potatoes."

"Oh, right. You're from Las Pegasus. I forget." Rainbow swallowed another pair of tater tots down and smiled. "Tell me. How's the cactus fruit over there?"

"Bleakkk..." Sharp Quill made a face. "You'd grow sick of it by the time you got your cutie mark." He smirked. "But the golden crispy hay is to die for. Especially when sun-roasted."

"Heh. I believe you. Most of the hay here always gets wet and soggy from the rain," Rainbow said. "I think that's why most of the farm ponies use it in their outhouses for—"

"Ahem." Rarity cleared her throat.

But Sharp Quill was already chuckling. "No, she's right! That freaked me out the first time I visited my cousins at the Harvest farm. I was all 'Wait, I thought you were supposed to eat this! Not the other way around!'"

He and Rainbow chuckled.

Rarity smiled. In fact, she had been smiling for a good few minutes.

Rainbow only noticed it just now. "Something up?"

"Oh, not at all." Rarity blinked. "Oh, actually, there is something..."

"Hmmm...?" Rainbow munched her way through another pair of tater tots. "What's that?"

"I just remembered that I have to pick Sweetie Belle up from her dance recital."

"Awwww..." Sharp Quill smirked. "That sounds stupidly adorable."

Rainbow blinked. "Sweetie Belle can dance."

"She'll absolutely abhor me if I am late," Rarity said. "Here..." She stood up, placing down several bits across the table. "This should cover the meal."

"Mrmmff...mrrrmmfity?" Rainbow sipped some water to wash the latest bite down. "Where the hay are you going?"

"Like I said, I must pick up my dear sister. I would love to stay and chat, but, you both seem to be carrying on just fine without me." She winked in Sharp Quill's direction. "It's been ever so fun. Please, do enjoy your meal. You both deserve it."

"Much thanks, Rarity." Sharp Quill stood just long enough to bow at her. "It's been a really swell afternoon."

"Yes. And... best wishes for an enjoyable evening. Hmmm?" Rarity turned towards Rainbow with a calm smile, then back to Sharp Quill... and then she trotted off. "Ta-ta!"

"Heh..." Rainbow sighed, shaking her head as she fished around what was left on her plate. "That's Rarity, for you. Creative genius, but can't be bucked to do one single darn thing for more than an hour."

"Well, I don't see anything wrong with that, personally," Sharp Quill said. "She's something of a renaissance mare, I suppose." He cleared his throat, took a shuddering breath, then spoke with a fragile smile. "I... uh... I-I hear that you're a mare of many talents yourself."

"Hmmm..." Rainbow nodded, gobbling another morsel. "I guess I try to be. I dunno. I'm too hard on Rarity. Heh... I hate to admit it, but she and I are a lot alike."

"You... mean to tell me you're into fashion and high-class etiquette?"

"HAH! Heck, no!" Rainbow smirked. "Only—like—we have sort of a short attention span and we like to make a splash. Well... maybe Rarity likes making a splash. Me? I dig causing explosions."

"Heheheh..." Sharp Quill leaned forward, propping his chin against his hoof. "Like the legendary sonic rainboom?"

"..." Rainbow blinked at him. She leaned back.

Sharp Quill bit his lip. "Is... is that a sore subject?"

"Er... no. I... just..." Rainbow blinked. "Did Rarity tell you that I did that?"

"Yes! At the Best Young Flier's Competition!" Sharp Quill smirked. "We have competitions just like it back at Las Pegasus, but nobody cares, seeing as neither Princess Celestia or the Wonderbolts attend."

"Eheheh... yeah. It was pretty awesome and all." Rainbow shuddered. "I'm just... s-surprised that Rarity shared with you about it."

"Why's that?"

"Because she... er... the part she had to play in it wasn't very... flattering..."

"She told me that you saved her life," Sharp Quill said. "That you've put down your life several times for the ponies you care about." He grinned. "You're like the town's loyal hero! It's quite a thing to be proud of."

"Er... yeah. I mean... sure." Rainbow slicked her mane back. "Being heroic is sort of a fringe benefit that comes with being the proverbial badflank of Equestria."

"I bet you make kicking flank look real good."

"Uh..." Rainbow glanced aside as her tail flicked. "Yeah..."

"Say, that reminds me!" Sharp Quill reached into his saddlebag. He paused, taking a deep breath. When he stood back up, he held out a slender gray box. His hooves shook slightly, but he hid it with smile. "I've got something for ya."

"Uhm... for me?"

He nodded. "Open it up and see!"

The mare blinked. Shrugging, she grasped the box in two hooves and flipped the lid open. She squinted. "...a bicycle chain?"

He laughed. "Take it out. Look closer."

She did just that. "Oh... ohhhhhhhh." She dangled a gold chain with several multicolored stones dangling from the length. "It's a necklace! I get it."

"Do you like it?"

"Heh. Certainly is shiny. Almost looks like those fancy things they wear in Canterlot."

"It's actually a Las Pegasus design," Sharp Quill said. "'Desert Gems' we call them."

"Heh... better not get them within a mile of baby dragons."

"...huh?"

"Sorry. Inside joke."

"Wanna try it on?"

"Huh?" Rainbow blinked at him. "Oh. Well... I guess that's what a necklace is for. The neck." She slung the thing around her head, fidgeted, then realized she had it on backwards. After a bit of fussing, she got the multicolored gemstones to dangle towards the front of her chest. They glimmered in the waning sunlight.

"Will you look at that?" Sharp Quill exhaled, cheeks rosy. "Your mane brings out the color in them."

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess they do." Rainbow squinted, smirking. "Guess that's kind of cool."

"You really are beautiful in so many ways, Rainbow."

"Uh huh. I guess that I—" Rainbow's ruby eyes bugged. She darted a glance at him. "What."

"I mean... y-you don't flaunt it," Sharp Quill said. He avoided her gaze, blushing. "And, I think that's what makes it so special. Your confidence is what makes you shine." He brushed his bangs back and smiled bashfully at her. "I... I-I'm really glad that I got to hang out with you today."

"To... hang out with... me..." She blinked. "Today..." She looked at the necklace, then at the dinner table, then at the patio, then at the glaring absence of Rarity. "Uh huh..." She looked at the necklace again. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh huh." Her ears folded as her brow furrowed. "Uh huh. Yup."

Sharp Quill bit his lip. The ends of his hooves clutched the table's edge. "Did... d-did I say something wrong?" He cleared his throat. "I... I-I hope I'm not being too forward."

Rainbow sighed long and hard. "Rarity... Rarity... Rarity." Her teeth gnashed. "What am I going to do with you, girl?"

"Huh?"

"Look... uhhh... Shredder Queef."

"Sharp Quill."

"Yes. Dang it." Rainbow held a hoof over her face, groaned, then looked at him with a weary smile. "Let's go for a walk."

He blinked. "Uhhh..." A nervous smile. "Okay!"

"A long... lonnnnnnng walk..."

Give It To Me Straight

"But, I..." Sharp Quill stared down at his hooves, trotting slowly over the grassy hill. "I-I don't get it..." His muzzle stretched painfully. "Weren't we g-getting along just fine? I mean... we were laughing and chatting it up like we've always known each other."

"Yeah, and that was all cool, y'know?" Rainbow hovered alongside him. The necklace dangled in her hooves as they came upon the emerald crest. A cool wind blew at their manes as she turned towards him. "You totally strike me as a nice guy! Which makes it all the more..." Her body slumped from her flapping wings as she sighed. "...all the more sucky that Rarity did what she did."

"H-how do you mean?"

Rainbow couldn't help but smirk at him. "Isn't it obvious? She set us up!"

Sharp Quill chuckled. "Don't be silly! I thought you were a really swell gal and I wanted to know you better!"

"Oh really?" Rainbow folded her arms while raising an eyebrow. "Have you even met me before today?"

"Well... uhhhh..." Sharp Quill ran a hoof through his mane. He avoided her gaze while smiling bashfully. "Ehhhhh heh heh heh..."

"Have you even seen me before?"

"I-I'm pretty sure I've seen you flying over the rooftops of Ponyville." He smirked. "A mane that gorgeous and bright, it's really hard to miss!"

"But did you know it was me?!" Rainbow squinted. "Did you even know my name?"

"Errr..."

She hovered lower. "And just how many blanks did Rarity have to fill?" She cocked her head to the side. "When you met her?"

Sharp Quill bit his lip, hanging his head.

"This whole get together was her idea, wasn't it?" Rainbow remarked. "The whole Wonderbolts suit fitting was a set up! I knew Rarity had gotten the 'materials' for 'pocket-making' too dang quick. And at a soap and perfume shop? Hah!" Rainbow chuckled. "Y'know, for such a crafty mare, she really sucks in the 'sneaky' department."

"We... w-we didn't mean to insult you," Sharp Quill murmured. "When Rarity and I met, we hit it off well. At some point, the conversation of special someponies came up. When I-I mentioned that I had none, well..."

"She threw my name to the top of the list, didn't she?"

"She practically spelled your name out in neon lights." He chuckled, finally braving a look at her. "She painted you as being the most amazing, incredible, sassy mare in all of Equestria."

"'Sassy?!'"

"And you know what... she was r-right!" He smiled. "When you showed up, I had every opportunity to back down, b-but I didn't! You really are an amazing pony! Such a quirky personality. Brutally honest. You seem to know what you want in life. You don't just wait for things to happen, but you go out there in the world and you seize the day!"

"Er... uh..." Rainbow cleared her throat, glancing aside. "Y-yeah! Totally!"

"And... and suddenly I was making you laugh and you were making me smile, and... a-and I thought that maybe... just maybe..." He shrugged. "Rarity was onto something." He gulped. "Th-that I wasn't just stumbling after a wild goose chase. That I and this... incredible m-mare actually had something going."

Rainbow tried not to cringe, but failed. "Sharp Quill, buddy..." She swallowed. "Look, I..."

"But... b-but I guess I'm just dense," he stammered, pacing off a few steps. "I'm always too reserved. Too shy. And then when I get an opportunity—just one opportunity to get to know somepony better... heheh... I always go way too ahead of myself."

"You do realize this whole thing is still Rarity's fault, r-right?"

"Doesn't matter. I'm an adult. I should have better sense than to..." He sighed. "...than to get myself into these messes."

"Pfft! It wasn't a mess!" Rainbow smirked. "You're... uh... haaaandsome?" She winced. "Yeah! T-totally! And you've got a great sense of humor and you're totally chillaxed which is something I don't see often in Cloudsdale pegasi—"

"Then, I-I don't get it, Rainbow Dash." He turned towards her, eyes glossy. "What am I doing wrong? Am I... j-just coming on too strong?"

"Er..."

"Are... are you j-just not..." His ears folded back. "Oh dear... you j-just came out of a bad relationship, didn't you?"

"Uhhh..."

"Guh! I should have figured!" Sharp Quill winced, gnashing his teeth. "Rarity's trying to mend a broken heart! Of course! She mentioned s-something about you having split up with a coltfriend! Rrrgh! I just... I-I just don't know how to use my head sometimes!"

"Look, Sharp Quill, it's..." Rainbow winced, fiddling with the necklace. "It's not—"

"I swear. I'm hopeless." He groaned, running a hoof over his muzzle. "I should have listened to Golden Harvest and the other gals. A farming pegasus is bad luck... especially to himself. Freakin' half-wing, I swear..."

"Hey, don't call yourself that!" Rainbow touched down and rested a hoof on her shoulder. "That's totally not cool!"

"The only thing uncool here is having roped you into this." He sighed, looking at her. "Besides, you deserve better than a lame excuse for stallionhood such as me."

"Sharp Quill, it's not that. You're fine! You're more than fine! It's..." Rainbow fidgeted, then fidgeted more. "The truth is... I..." She clenched her teeth.

Sharp Quill stared at her, eyes moist.

She exhaled heavily, her ears drooping. She slumped back on her haunches and glanced aside while hugging the necklace to her chest. "It wouldn't have mattered either way. No matter how good or bad you are, I still wouldn't want to go steady with you. Not..." She gulped. "N-not in the way you would want to with me."

"Is... is it because you're too burned by your last coltfriend?"

"No." Her nostrils flared, and she looked up. "Because I'm not into stallions."

He stared at her.

She stared back, biting her lip.

"... ... ..." He smirked. "Heheh... nice try."

Rainbow raised an eyebrow.

"Please, Rainbow Dash..." He sighed, waving a hoof. "You don't have to make something up just to make me feel better."

"Sharp..."

"I-I'm insecure. I know. Maybe I was able to hide it for most of our 'hanging out,' but I can tell when I've screwed things up."

"Sharp. It's the truth," she said, wings dangling loosely. She shivered slightly. "I... I-I like mares. I always have. I..." She gulped. "I don't remember a time when I ever liked stallions. I never once even felt like I was supposed to. It just... y'know... does not compute, ya dig?"

He squinted at her. "But that can't be true..."

"Pfft. Why not?"

Sharp gestured. "Rarity tried to set us up!"

"Uhhhhh... yeah..." Rainbow smiled nervously. "You see, Sharp, she doesn't know."

"She doesn't?"

Rainbow slowly shook her head.

"But..." Sharp's mouth hung agape. He gazed aside, blinking. "But that doesn't make sense!" He stared back at her in confusion. "She's your friend, isn't she? Why wouldn't she know?"

"Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Rainbow chuckled breathily, hugging the necklace tighter as her eyes swung demurely towards the horizon. "About that..."

Different Names for the Same Thing

Sharp Quill and Rainbow Dash sat on the branch of a tree overlooking Equestria as the sun gradually set.

"So... some of them know?" he asked.

"A few of them," Rainbow Dash muttered. "Fluttershy—the one whom I've been friends with the longest. She knows." She smiled slightly. "Impossible for her not to. I crushed on her super hard when we were in Junior Flight School together."

"That sounds adorable."

"Heh. I never thought of it like that." Rainbow shrugged. "She's—like—my best friend in the whole world, and she's capable of so much strength. She just doesn't seize it, no matter how much I try to coach her. Doesn't change the fact that I trust her within an inch of my life. She's stronger than me in a lot of ways."

"And... she's kept this secret?"

"It's not really a secret."

"But... you and Fluttershy keep it hidden from the rest of your friends, don't you?"

"Er... what I mean is..." Rainbow gulped. "Ponies know about it."

"Like who?"

"Okay... enough ponies know about it," Rainbow muttered. "Those whom it concerns. Like..." She sighed. "Former marefriends."

"Do I... detect a negative tone there?"

"Mrmmmmmmmnnff..."

Sharp Quill winced. "Sorry. Touchy subject."

"Nothing to be sorry for." Rainbow leaned back, legs dangling off the branch. "I've done a lot of stupid things in my life. I've been through a lot of stupid phases... going to stupid places... doing stupid stuff that I've since learned to regret." She gulped hard, but them smiled faintly. "I have an amazing bunch of gal-pals who are the best things I've ever held onto from those dark days. Days when I was addicted to cider binges and late-night parties. I still see them every once in a while, mainly when I stop by the cider bar in downtown." She winced and gestured. "Though th-those cider binges are over with. Waaaaay over with."

"Heh..." Sharp Quill smiled. "I believe you." He raised an eyebrow. "And they know?"

"Uhhhh... who?"

"Your friends from your 'dark days.'"

"Oh! Yeah. Lyra. Bon Bon. Vinyl and Caramel..." Rainbow smirked. "They're totally cool with it... not to mention the fact that I... I-I don't really hang out with them like I used to." She hugged herself, shuddering slightly. "I hate to think about it, because I realize it's pretty lame of me. As if I've ditched them or something."

"I doubt that," Sharp Quill said with a shrug. "Sounds like you've moved onto better things. I imagine they understand that."

"I-I hope so," Rainbow muttered. "Because the new friends I've made." She smiled, her wingtips fluttering as she breathed warmly. "They're as awesome as awesome can get."

"Including Rarity?"

"Yessssss..." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Including Miss Vampire herself." She stifled a giggle and squinted at him. "Could you be mad at a mare like that forever?"

Sharp Quill shook his head. "Honestly...?" He smirked. "There's something about her that's just... flattering."

"I know, right?"

"I'd say she's mostly harmless." Sharp Quill took a deep breath. "Though, I can imagine something that would have alleviated all this."

"Huh?"

"Well... I mean..." He scratched his head. "I-I'm not the one to dictate what decisions you should or shouldn't make with your friends. But... wouldn't things be a heck of a lot easier if... y'know..."

"What?"

"... ... ... if you just told them about the way you feel?"

"I..." Rainbow bit her lip and glanced away. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"It's... c-complicated."

"You barely know me." He shrugged, then smirked. "But you still shared your 'big secret.'"

"Mrmmff..."

"Do you regret it?"

"It's different with you," Rainbow muttered. "Plus, I felt super bad for what Rarity..." She winced. "What Rarity and I had put you through."

"I... I-I guess I'm super dense," Sharp Quill said, stammering. "I just don't understand it. Your other friends at the cider bar know all about you, and that's no big deal, right?"

"R-right..."

"Wouldn't you want to clear the air with the mares you hang out with now?"

"Not... r-really..."

"Just why is that?"

"Because..." Rainbow stared down at her dangling hooves. The mare fiddled with the necklace as she squeaked, whimpered, then finally muttered, "Because I kinda sorta have the mother of all crushes on one of them."

"Oh?"

Rainbow looked at Sharp Quill.

Sharp Quill blinked.

Rainbow looked away, blushing.

Sharp Quill blinked again. His wings twitched as he leaned back. "Ohhhhhhhhhhh..."

"Yeah..."

"That... uh..." He slicked his mane back. "That is pretty dang awkward."

"It's only gotten worse and worse as the last few months have trickled by," Rainbow said. Then, she smiled with rosy cheeks. "And yet... it's gotten better and better." She inhaled and exhaled slowy. "Each morning, the very moment I think about her, I feel ten times more alive. Just... knowing that she exists... that I can hear her voice when there's a good east wind... that she's so dependable and so strong and so... her..." Rainbow didn't finish, only sighing.

Silence.

"Wowswers," Sharp Quill blurted. "And I thought I got it bad."

Rainbow winced. "Is it really that terrible?"

"Heh..." Sharp Quill shrugged. "If you call being 'in love' terrible."

"But... but how does it even count?" Rainbow gulped. "It's only me digging her." She fiddled with the necklace, shoulders slumped. "And I know for a fact that she'd never dig a mare like me..."

"Why, because she's not into petite ponies?"

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "No." She groaned. "Because she's not into mares."

"Ohhhh. Ouch."

"Mega ouch."

Silence.

"Do you..." Rainbow fidgeted on the branch. "Do you know what it's like to have a single piece of joy in your life... something that means so much to you... something warmer than the Sun itself." She clenched her teeth. "And yet... you know that just to touch it means to snuff it out forever?"

"Hmmm..."

"So... wh-what do you do?" Rainbow shrugged. "Do you take the bold step and try to share that warmth, even if just for a second of clarity? Or... like... do you resolve yourself to never crossing that line, just so you can bask in the warmth from afar? For as long as you can. Always living in the shade of something far greater... something far too awesome to become a reality..."

Sharp Quill stared intently at the ground beneath them.

Rainbow glanced aside. "Am I... Am I just alone in my own little pathetic world?"

"Heh..." The stallion shrugged. "I mean... if y-you're talking about living with rejection, then no... you're not alone. I've been there. Heck, I revisit that place just about every darn day."

Rainbow Dash winced. Hard. "I... uh... I'm really sorry about today, dude."

"It's alright—"

"For real. I mean... you seem like a swell pony and it really sucks that—"

"I haven't had a conversation this deep and meaningful with another pony in a long... long time," he said. With a soft breath, the stallion continued. "So often, we get so... so wrapped up in all of the fanciful places where we feel like our hearts and souls need to be. Warm places. Romantic places. Loving places. And we try and we try to climb ourselves over all the mountains in our way, only to tumble down the other side... over and over again. Sometimes the motions get so intense that it's what we think we deserve, as if we can't live with that heart-stopping jolt of rising hopes and crushed dreams. It's like... doing Wonderbolt stunts with our hearts."

"I... uh..." Rainbow fidgeted. "I'm not sure I can relate."

"Cuz you're smart about it, unlike me," Sharp Quill said. "The moment you recognize a hopeless situation, you don't get all impulsive about it. You just... wait along the fringe of it and enjoy what you've got." He smiled at her. "And it sounds like you have a really beautiful friendship with this mare you adore."

Rainbow stared at him, her muzzle agape. "But... but it sure as heck isn't honest..." She gulped. "I barely know you, but I can tell you're a far more courageous pony than me."

"Pffft. Oh please..."

"No, for real!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "All of this 'rising hopes and crushed dreams' stuff? Heck, at least you go out there and you try to start relationships! Instead of... clinging to an idea all your friggin' life. Instead of... of..." She hugged the necklace to her chest, sighing. "...pretending in your head that you can have something that's unattainable. At least you try dude."

"Try and fail," he grumbled. "Constantly. I'm the same hopeless case as you, Rainbow Dash. I'm just going about it differently."

"Yeah, well, at least you go about it." She smiled weakly. "You can be the fastest pegasus in the world and still go nowhere. And on account of what?"

"Fear. Bashfulness. Anxiety."

"All of the above."

He glanced at her. Suddenly, he snickered.

She smirked. "What...?"

"Just..." He fumbled. "Please... don't take this the wrong way."

"You're the last pony on this earth who could hurt me, pal."

He gulped. "Just... when I first met you... when I first heard you talk..." He shook his head, smiling. "I had no idea that you would actually be almost as insecure as me."

"Heh..." Rainbow ran a hoof through her mane. "You know what sounds super weird?"

"What?"

"That almost feels like a compliment."

"Heh... if you say so..."

Rainbow stared thoughtfully at him. She said, "I'm glad I got a chance to meet you, Sharp Quill. You're an okay guy."

"Yeah, well..." He braved a devilish smirk. "You are too."

"Ho ho hoooo..." She playfully punched his shoulder. "Watch it."

"Eheheh..." He rubbed his shoulder. "Still... ahem..." He cleared his throat. "I r-really think you should tell them."

"Yeah..." Rainbow stared down at the base of the tree. "I know. I get you. Trust me, I do."

"But... you're not gonna, are you?"

She bit her lip.

He took a deep breath. "Did I... I mean..." He squirmed where he sat. "Has telling me been any help to you?"

"I-I think so," she muttered. "Perhaps in ways I've yet to find out."

"Well, I hope so," he said. "Nopony should ever have to feel alone. In anything."

She glanced at him, smiling. "I could say the same to you."

"Yeah, well, that's my own fault," he muttered. "Not for lack of trying, mind you."

"Heh. So I've figured." She squinted. "Just why do you wanna be in a relationship so badly?"

"Why do you wanna cuddle the mare of your dreams so badly? Even if only in your head."

"Touche."

Sharp Quill sighed. "I just... don't feel complete on my own, y'know?" He looked up, eyes soft and vulnerable. "I was the only pegasus born of my parents."

"Wow, for real?"

"Yeah, isn't that weird?"

"Well, not really. I mean..." Rainbow shrugged. "I was an only foal."

"Oh?" Sharp Quill leaned his head aside. "Parents lived up in the colder altitudes too?"

Rainbow gnashed her teeth.

"Erm..." Sharp Quill winced. "Sorry."

"Not your fault," she muttered. "But please... don't let me stop you."

"Ever since I was a kid, I felt like everything around me was empty. I think that's the real reason I moved out of Las Pegasus," the stallion said. "Not just 'cuz I wanted to help my earth pony cousins. I wanted to feel needed. And useful." He rubbed his shoulder, grimacing. "But every time I try and get cozy with a mare, I-I always end up screwing things up and nothing last long."

"Uh huh. So you mean Rarity's little get-together wasn't the first time you did a blind date?"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no."

"Dare I ask how often—"

"Six dates last month."

Rainbow gnashed her teeth.

"Yeah." Sharp Quill's nostrils flared. "I know."

"Hey. At least you're persistent."

"It still doesn't change the fact that, no matter how I shake it, I'll always come across as that Celestia-forsaken 'horndog pegasus stallion' stereotype."

"Pffft! You are not!"

"Looks can kill, girl."

"You just need to take your time, Sharp Quill," Rainbow said. "Be cool and steady and patient about it."

"I-I'm not sure that I can."

"What's the friggin' hurry for!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "It's not like you're in a race!"

"I... I'm just scared of growing old and alone," he muttered.

"Pfft. At your age? Just chillax, bro!"

"You... you think I'm not chillaxed?"

"You're capable of it!" She smiled. "I mean, you are when you wanna be. You were chillaxed today. Er... for the most part."

"'For the most part?'"

"Yeah."

"If... if it's n-not too much to ask..." He stared at her anxiously. "When and where did I mess up? With the 'date,' that is."

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow scratched her neck, smiling awkwardly. "You want the long version or the longer version...?"

Friendly Persuasion

"But I figured that... like..." Sharp Quill laid back against the grass, staring up at the starlight. "Mares totally dig getting gifts and stuff."

"See, there you go again," Rainbow Dash said, lying down a few spaces away atop the same hill. She fiddled with the necklace as her eyes traced the clouds floating against the constellations above. "'Mares dig this.' 'Mares dig that.' Not all mares think alike."

"Well, I know that," he said, then squirmed. "Er... at least you do."

"For real. Even mares who... er... want a stallion to hit on them aren't all the same. Don't you get that?"

Sharp Quill sighed. "I guess I don't..."

"I mean, receiving tokens of affections can be a great thing. But you gotta time it just right," Rainbow said. "Giving me the necklace today was waaaaaaaaaay too soon."

"You think?"

"Dude. Even if I was into you, it was—like—our first 'date.' And only 'cuz Rarity set it up like that."

"Uh huh..."

"It just comes across as super awkward. I didn't even know what to make of the thing when you first hoofed it to me."

"Yeah..."

"And then you started laying it on thick with the 'you're beautiful' and 'you have a nice mane' or whatever the heck you said." Rainbow giggled out the side of her muzzle, smirking. "That's more creepy than romantic, pal."

"Yeesh..." Sharp Quill grimaced. "I never ever wanna be creepy."

"Well, deep down, you ain't a creep," Rainbow said. "At least, I'm convinced of that."

"You are...?"

She turned her head aside, looking at him from across all the tall grass. "Only 'cuz I got a chance to talk to you... y'know? One on one? From one pony to another?"

"Yeah..." Sharp Quill exhaled. "If only I could get that to work with a marefriend."

"And—like—why can't you?" Rainbow shrugged. "Marefriends are ponies too."

"I'm well aware of that."

Rainbow giggled again. "A-are you?! I swear, until you figured out that I wasn't into you, you treated me with foam horseshoes!"

"Eh...?"

"What I mean is..." She sat up, looking down at him. "Things were only ever awkward the moment when you decided to—like—go into full Saint Valentrot mode. For a while there, I'd say we were hitting it off well!"

"We were?"

"Super well, as a matter of fact!" Rainbow smirked. "Cuz all we did was chat about Rarity and Cloudsdale and Las Pegasus and... and..." She shrugged. "Simple, innocent, pegasus stuff."

"Well, Rarity was with us at the time," Sharp Quill said. "I... I-I felt like just being friendly."

"Right!" Rainbow nodded. "And you kinda sorta have to be friends first before you're anything else." She winced slightly, glancing at the dark rooftops of Ponyville. "Well... in most cases, I guess."

"You... you mean to say you were even enjoying my company for a while there?"

"Listen, Sharp, you're a pretty nifty guy," Rainbow said. "So long as you're not trying so hard to be romantic, you're A-okay!"

"Pffft. But I'm about as insecure as it gets."

"Coulda fooled me."

"For real?"

"And, y'know, if I was a mare who was into dudes, and I got to know you well enough..." She shrugged. "I probably wouldn't have cared all that much when I found out about you having the same sort of problems that every other pony has. Because—like—at that point in time, I would have gotten used to you."

"Hah!" He rolled his eyes with a smirk. "'Getting used to somepony' is not the same as 'falling in love with them.'"

"Look. I'm talking stallions and mares, here. I'm reaching. Cut me a break."

"Heheh... alright."

"And, for real, all lovey-doveyness aside..." She squinted at him. "You really gotta believe in yourself more. Stop being so down on yourself. I can't imagine that many mares are really into that. Or, at least, the ones who are into self-deprecating stallions are the sort of ponies who get a kick out of stomping on more than just their hearts, if you catch my drift."

"Erm... I-I'm not sure I want to..."

"It's an ugly world out there. Trust me."

"I almost wanna stick to farms, now that you say that."

"Well, don't, y'know?" Rainbow smirked. "Don't go into hiding. And you'd sure as heck better not let this silly day set you back several steps."

"Nah..." Sharp Quill sat up with a sigh. "If anything, I think I'm a lot smarter now, 'cuz of talking to you."

"Well, awesome." Rainbow smiled.

"Don't come on too fast..." He gulped. "Don't be big on lavishing gifts. Believe in myself more..."

"You've got the basics down pat, it seems."

"I've got more to work on than just those," he muttered to himself. "At least now I'm cognizant enough to admit it." His nostrils flared. "I just... g-gotta stop trying so hard."

"More like you gotta stop listening to mares like Rarity talking you into stupid blind dates." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "They never work, by the way."

"Huh?"

"Blind dates. You gotta be desperate or stupid to think otherwise."

Sharp Quill winced at that.

"Er..." Rainbow rubbed the back of her head. "I-I didn't mean it like that, uhhh..."

"Nah..." Sharp Quill sighed. "It's okay. I need a harsh reality check, is all."

"Just... don't take it too hard, alright?" Rainbow smiled gently. "You're an alright stallion. I dun wanna see your dreams get crushed."

"Me neither. They're very good dreams." He turned towards her, blinking. "Mind if I ask you a silly question?"

She shrugged. "I really can't see how our discussion could get any sillier."

He bit his lip, squirming a bit. At last, he asked, "What is it that you look for in a mare?"

She blinked. "For real?"

"I mean... if it's too private of a topic—"

"Heh... no more private than if I asked you."

"It's just that I've never talked this long with a mare who... likes other mares."

"How different could it be?" Rainbow shrugged. "I... I-I guess I like mares for all the same reasons a stallion like you would."

"You mean you've always wanted a partner who's demure, cute, soft and gentle in all the right places, and will gasp in delight at the merest nuzzle?"

"... ... ..." Rainbow blinked. "Erm... okay... so maybe it is different." She gulped. "Like... super different."

Sharp Quill chuckled.

"Nah... I mean..." Rainbow brushed her bangs back. "I guess I sorta used to like ultra-femme... femmes. But something sort of clicked in my heartspace around the time I was a teenager. I realized that I deeply... secretly wanted to be with somepony bigger and stronger than me." She smirked. "Only cuz, as I grew older and awesomer, I found it harder and harder to meet mares who could beat me at anything."

"So..." Sharp Quill smirked. "It's you who wanted to be the demure one."

"Pfft. It's never that simple, buddy," Rainbow said. "It's not about filling certain slots or roles. It's... all nebulous, really. I just felt more comfortable... more loved around a pony who I felt could 'take care' of me and wanted to. Heck, I got really obsessed with it for a while. Maybe a bit too much." She sighed out her nostrils. "'Cuz it got me in super depressing places that were really hard to crawl out of."

Sharp Quill stared at her. "You... uh... h-had a bad relationship?"

Rainbow gulped. "Two of 'em. I'm not very proud of it."

"I'm very sorry to hear that," he said. "That sounds horrible."

"Pffft. It'd only be horrible if I never got out." She smirked at him. "Look at me. Do I strike you as a defeated pony?"

"Heh. Not in the least."

"Dang straight."

"Have you been in a relationship since...?"

Rainbow bit her lip.

Sharp Quill blinked. "But... but you know in your heart that—"

"There's only one pony for me," Rainbow Dash said. "Even if... I-I may not be the pony for her."

"I see..."

"And, I guess, when it comes down to it... I-I don't really have a detailed description for what I look for in a mare. Because there's only one mare." Rainbow Dash smiled warmly. She hugged herself as her wingtips fluttered. "A mare who... is so much more awesome than me... so much so that I d-dare not tell her about it. And each day, she only becomes more and more amazing." She sighed. "A mare who cares about others first. A mare who loves her family and her friends and her work. A mare who... who has a deeper and even warmer love beneath it all—I'm sure of it. A love that... Celestia willing... could be reserved for a pony who can love her back, in ways she's never been loved before... in the way th-that I love her..."

Silence.

"I... I-I'm no idiot, Sharp Quill," Rainbow Dash muttered, staring dully at the necklace in her hooves. "I know how friggin' hopeless I am deep down. But... as pathetic as it sounds... it's what keeps me going these days. There's... uh..." She sighed. "...there's a lot of lame stuff in my life, both literally and figuratively, and it's nothing that I wanna burden my best friends with. Even if they helped me become a better, healthier pegasus overnight, I'll feel like I've lost something... sacrificed something. It's more than just a stupid little fear. Beneath all of this miserableness, there's something warm and precious that I don't want to lose... not until I can afford to share it, even if that sharing is impossible. I just..." She sniffled. "I-I just gotta have faith, y'know? Even if it's one thing I dare to believe in, I'm clinging to it for all it's worth. I dunno how I'd manage things otherwise..."

More silence.

At last, Sharp Quill spoke. "I won't say anything, Rainbow Dash."

She looked over at him.

He was staring at her sincerely. "If that's one of the things you're afraid of, don't be." He smiled weakly. "You've done so much for me in one evening." He shook his head. "I wouldn't do anything to wreck your trust."

Rainbow Dash took a shuddering breath. "Thanks. That's... uh... th-that's super cool of you."

"But I wish you would say something."

She winced.

Nevertheless, he continued. "I wish you'd trust your friends... all of your friends enough to let them know how you feel. Even this one mare whom you're so ga-ga for." He gulped. "Take it from a stallion who's used to rejection. No matter how painful it may appear to be, no matter how much you think your life is gonna shatter apart, sometimes it's best to move on. And you strike me as a mare who deserves the best."

She slowly nodded. "And... uh..." Blinking her eyes dry, she smiled back at him. "You strike me as a stallion who could use a little more faith."

He smirked slightly. "I'm getting there." He nodded. "Thanks to help from unexpected places."

The two shared a quiet moment.

At last, Rainbow cleared her throat. She untangled the necklace, stood up, and hoofed it over towards him.

He looked at it, then at her. "What... what are you—?"

"I really don't deserve this," Rainbow said. "It was a sweet gesture and all, but we both know that there'll come a time in your life when a much more deserved mare will—"

"I gave it to you," Sharp Quill said. "And you should have it."

"Pffft... come on, dude..." Rainbow Dash chuckled. "Rarity put you through enough expense as it is. Besides, what the heck am I even going to do with this?"

"Wear it around your secret marefriend."

She rolled her eyes. "Sharp Quill..."

"Please. It's yours." He stood up, smiling at her. "All things considered, I couldn't have asked for a better evening."

"But—"

"If I could give a gift from my heart to every friend I've made, I would." He grinned, teeth showing. "It's never too late to start, huh?"

"... ... ..." She clutched the necklace tight. "Yeah, okay..."

"I... uh..." He fidgeted his hooves in the grass. "I'd love to chat and hang out with you again sometime, Rainbow Dash," he said. "I think it'd be good for the soul."

"Heck, why not?" She flapped her wings, winking. "What are friends for?"

"So, let me get this straight," Lancie muttered from where he paced on the floor to Rainbow's bedroom. "Rarity set you up on a date... with a stallion... and although you two had absolutely nothing in common, you still chatted late into the witching hour like cuddling lovers?"

"There was no cuddling and there was no loving," Rainbow muttered. She stretched out the lengths of the necklace and hung it around a lamp on the beside table. The rainbow-colored gemstones glittered in the starlight from her window. "If I can make a friend out of a mutant talking statue, I can sure as heck made a friend out of a wishy-washy pony with five legs."

Lancie skidded to a stop. He spun about, squinting up at her. "Do... do you really mean to imply that you and I are friends?"

"Is that what I said?" Rainbow droned, staring dully at the necklace. "Maybe Zecora's brew is finally having its side effects."

"If you ask me, you've been upside down for a lot longer than you've known me." Lancie smirked. "Tell me one thing. Would it really be so strange?"

"Would what be so strange?"

"Choosing stallions over that one freckled mare," the statue said. "Seems to me like a much more lucrative market, all things considered."

Rainbow Dash shook her head. "It's never going to happen."

"Because Celestia-forbid that you ever pine for something that would pine back, Sparky."

"There's only one stallion I've ever loved," Rainbow Dash said. She opened her mouth again, but lingered. Her ears folded as a shudder ran through her tingly limbs. A whimpering voice finally came out. "He held out for me so long, Lancie." She brought a hoof up, rubbing her cheek dry. "And now... I-I'm doing the same thing he was, and it's g-gonna kill me too." She gulped, her eyes glossy in the starlight. "Someday. Heartbroken or not. Dead."

He stared up at her in total silence.

Rainbow Dash inhaled through a hard frown. "It may be a lonely wait getting there, but I won't die alone like he did." She tried growling, only for it to come out as a squeak. "I won't let him down. I won't let myself down."

Lancie leaned his head to the side. In a calm voice, he said, "I sincerely doubt your father died alone, Sparky. After all, he had you."

The mare shuddered, staring down at the floor. The silence beyond the cloud home was deaffening. It leeched the brew's work on her limbs, so that she was forced to stumble towards the bed.

"I gotta... I-I gotta rest up," she murmured. "Traveling to Orlandoats... in a f-few days. Don't wanna... let AJ d-down..."

"You're... not going to shoo me away?" Lancie muttered, stone eyebrow raised. "Toss me into a garbage can across the house and slam the door shut between us?"

"Whatever," she grumbled, fwomping on the bed. "I don't care..." She curled up in a little blue ball.

Lancie glanced aside, fumbling with his talons.

Rainbow Dash had her eyes clenched shut to the starlight. She gnashed at her teeth as a few tears leaked out. When a little stone figure pawed up onto the bed and nestled against her side, she said nothing. The pegasus wrapped a limb around him, holding him tight as she gently wept into the shadows. Lancie was silent the whole time.

Eventually, night ran its quiet, comforting course.

Drama Queens

"Hmmm-hmmm-hmmm..." Rarity trotted around an elegant foalita gown propped up in the middle of the studio. "Lemme see... hmmmm..." Her eyes narrowed. "More lace on the hem? Or pink trim?"

Silence.

"Ah! But of course!" She adjusted her bifocals and floated in several fuchsia materials. "You can never have too much pink!"

The bell at the front of the boutique jingled with the opening and closing of a door.

"Ah! A customer!" She paused what she was doing and trotted about. "Welcome to Carousel Boutique where every garment is chic, unique, and magnefi—" The mare skidded to a stop on flinching hooves. She gritted her teeth.

Rainbow Dash stood in place wearing a saddlebag. The pegasus stared at her.

Ulp. Rarity gulped. "Rainbow Daa-aa-aa-aash!" She grinned awkwardly. "What a delight to see you! And so..." She glanced out the nearest window. "...early in the morning!" A slight shudder. "I suppose that means you've got plenty of sleep, yes?"

Rainbow continued staring.

"I...uhm..." Rarity fought the urge to perspire, waving a hoof at herself. "I do believe that was quite a fanciful afternoon we had spent together just yesterday, was it not? Hah hah haaah..."

"... ... ..."

"You..." Rarity fidgeted from one hoof to the next. "You look rather healthy this morning. Tell me. Have you been using a new conditioner?"

Rainbow's eyes narrowed.

"Do..." Rarity crouched low to the floor, her ears folded back as she trembled. "D-do you use any conditioner at all, darling?"

Rainbow Dash trotted forward in an icy fashion. She reached into her saddlebag, then swiftly removed her hoof.

"Eeep!" Rarity covered her eyes.

"I'm delivering this for Fluttershy," she said. "It's one of Angel's sweaters. Do you think you could fix it up for her?"

"Mmmmm... h-huh?" Rarity looked up to see a frayed little article. "Oh! Oh, b-but of course, dear!" She floated the item over. "This shouldn't take too long at all!"

"She'd bring it over herself, but she's packing for her trip to Trottingham with Big Macintosh," Rainbow said. "Angel is going to be staying at Twilight's for the time being. Meanwhile, I'll be on a road trip with Applejack."

"Oh! Splendid! Splendid!" Rarity hugged the tiny-tiny sweater to her chest as she exhaled with relief. "Seems like everypony has something to do lately!"

"Yup." Rainbow spun about, trotting towards the exit.

"Erm... Rainbow Dash..."

The pegasus stopped. She turned and looked behind her.

Rarity bit her lip. "Just tell me one thing..." Her eyelashes fluttered bashfully. "Was it at least... a pleasant experience?"

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash trotted back towards her.

Rarity avoided her gaze, trembling nervously.

Rainbow Dash rested a hoof on the unicorn's shoulder, easing her muscles.

"From now on, Rarity..." She looked into the fashionista's eyes. "Let's only try and make me happy when I ask for it." A devilish smirk. "Okay?"

Rarity stared at her. Slowly, she nodded. "K-kay..."

Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and floated out of the store. "Your generosity ain't so bad, girl. I really liked the tater tots."

"Only... the tater tots?"

But Rainbow Dash was gone.

Rarity sighed. She looked at the rabbit's sweater in her hooves. Gradually, she smiled. "I know..." She trotted across the Boutique. "Maybe if I sew her a 'Wonderbolts' themed cocktail dress..."

The Hover of Things

"Uhhhh... Uhhhhhhh..." I trembled against the beating wind, levitating in place. "I... I-I don't think I can control it!"

"You totally can, kiddo! Just stick your wings straight out and pretend—like—they're cardboard cutouts!"

"C-c-cardboard cutouts?!" I stammered.

"Yeah! Like you stick to the side of your scooter when you pretend it's a glider!"

I felt my cheeks becoming flushed. "Y-you weren't supposed to see th-that!"

"Yeah, well, when the day comes that you get to fly on your own, you'll see all sorts of stuff! Now concentrate! Stick your wings straight out! Yeah, like that! I'm gonna turn the wind down!"

"No! No!" I blurted. "Please, Rainbow! Don't do that! I'll fall and bruise myself and everypony will laugh at me and—"

"Yeesh! Since when was your name 'Worryloo?!' Trust me. Stick your wings out. Keep them level. Angle out your tail."

"Okay... okayokayokay..." I clenched my teeth.

"Keep your eyes open."

I did so, fidgeting. "Just don't dr-drop me!"

"It's up to you to not drop yourself, squirt! Now keep calm."

"Uh huh..."

"Even spaces. Your light as a feather. That's it. There ya go!"

"When... uh..." I gulped. "Wh-when are you gonna drop the wind some, Rainbow Dash?"

Silence, save for the constant rustling of feathers.

"Rainbow D-Dash?"

"I dunno how to tell you this, kid, but I already did."

"You..." I blinked. "You did?" I glanced straight down from where I was hovering. "You did?!"

She smirked and nodded from below me. Rainbow Dash was lying on her back on the top of a hill, flapping her wings up at me, keeping my lightweight body afloat. Only, at this point, she was flapping her wings slower and slower—with about a third of the frequency with which she was beating those feathers before.

"But... b-but how am I still staying up?!" I stammered.

"Cuz you're doing what I told you to do!" Rainbow Dash winked. "Way to go, squirt! You've just graduated Feather Management 101!'"

"No way..." I glanced sideways, gawking at my outstretched wings as they kept me aloft in the gentle wind Rainbow was now making with her wings. "It's that simple?"

"Yup! Pretty much!" The mare winked. "Doing awesome stuff comes later. Now you're just mastering the basics."

"But... b-but I'm—" I slipped in midair.

"Level out!"

I did so, wincing. With a breath of relief, I resumed "gliding" through the wind current she was producing. "This is so... so c-cool!"

"You're a natural, kid! Must have gotten it from all that air you get with your scooter!"

"But... b-but that's the best I can ever do!" I bit my lip. "Even this is fake. Face it, Rainbow, I-I'll never get in the air like this by my own wings."

"Not with that attitude, you won't. Believe it, kid, you're making uber progress."

"You think so...?"

"If I had a bit for every punk with wings who got into the air by their own feathers but didn't know how to stay aloft once they got there..." She smirked. "Believe me, just by keeping adrift like you are now, you've got a huge leg up on the rest of the face-planters your age."

"Heh..." I chuckled, cheeks rosy. "Cool..."

"You're darn right, it's cool." She rested her forelimbs behind her neck while continuing to flap her wings. "I knew you'd have a handle on this! We both got the same chillaxing genes in our bloodstream, I bet!"

"You mean... like... we're cousins or something?"

"Sure, why not." She yawned. "Birds of a feather and all that jazz. Soon you'll be learning how to fly long distances. And gliding is the first key to doing it with style!"

"Heh... that's really awesome!"

"Uh huh."

"S-say, speaking of long distance travels, have you packed everything for your trip south with Applejack?"

Suddenly, Rainbow's eyes bulged. Her wings froze in place.

"G-guhhhh!" I flailed in midair before plummeting. "Rainbow Dasssssssh—!"

Whump! She caught me on the way down. Wincing, she sat up and plopped me on the ground. "Where... uh..." She gulped. "Where did you hear that, kid?"

"Uhm..." I fidgeted, dizzily standing upright on numb limbs. "Apple Bloom told me."

"She did?"

"Yeah. Big Mac is heading to Trottingham with Fluttershy and Applejack is heading to Orlandoats with you. She's super excited."

"Wh-who...?" Rainbow gulped a savage lump down her throat. "Applejack?"

"Huh? Oh, no, I-I meant Apple Bloom." I smiled. "This will be the first time in ages that she had the house all to herself."

"Uhhhh..."

"I mean aside from Granny Smith being there, of course." I giggled. "Funny how Apple Bloom gets excited about the silliest of things. I-I mean I'm home alone all the time and you don't see me busting a gut!"

"Does... uhm..." Rainbow Dash rubbed her scalp, fidgeting. "Does Apple Bloom ever talk about Applejack?"

"Huh?" I squinted at her. "Like... in what way?"

Rainbow's blue fuzz turned a noticeable shade of indigo. "Er..." She coughed, then coughed again. "Never mind. It's... uh... no big deal."

"What's going on down in Fillyday, anyways?" I raised an eyebrow. "Is there an alligator needing a friendship lesson?"

"Heh. I doubt we'll be going as far south as the Evergallops."

"I almost wish I could go," I said, pawing at the ground with my hoof. "You and Applejack? Having a super long road trip? Camping out? Sounds like a whole lotta fun!"

"Yeahhhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash suddenly sighed, her ears drooping. "Super funnn..."

"You sure there isn't room for another pony on Applejack's wagon?"

"Heh..." She ruffled my mane for some reason, smirking. "Trust me, kid. You don't wanna stick around for this one."

"Awwwwww..."

"But don't you worry!" She squats down low, smirking at me. "I'll totally give you tons of lessons when I get back! You've got gliding down pat. Next is exercising those wing muscles! I'm gonna get you into the air or my middle name isn't 'Dastardly!'"

"Isn't it, though?"

"You'd better believe it, kid."

"Heheh... cool!" I smirked, gazing up at her. "The way you make it sound, Rainbow, it's as if this trip is gonna give you your own second wind!"

"Heh..." Rainbow Dash gulped and flapped her wings, hovering above me. "We'll have to see about that..."

Road Trumped

"Are you sure you're fine without bringing me along?" Lancie folded his granite arms from where he stood atop the bedside table in the dim morning light. "You're a wanted mare, Sparky. Who's to stop the likes of Don Canter and all his malevolent neer'do'furries from turning your skull into an ash tray?"

"Lancie, I'll be fine." Rainbow stifled a yawn while briskly packing the second of two thick saddlebags. "Thanks to Noir and Zecora, I've got three times the normal supply of potion to keep my limbs from turning into noodles. What's more, it's not like I'm going to be alone! Applejack will be there with me the whole time. And believe you me... if you thought I could kick flank..." She rolled her eyes and whistled. "Whewwwwwwww-boy! You have never seen true orange muscles in action!"

"You say that like you're expecting you and Applejack to get embroiled in some sort of clash of pony titans."

"Pfft! As if!" Rainbow smirked while zipping a bag shut. "Lancie, Don Canter and his buddies don't even know where I live. And on top of that, a long-distance trip to Fillyda is the absolute last way they'd ever expect to find me!"

"But what if there's another shard that far south?"

"I think you just want to be around me so that you'll constantly have a pony to pester!"

Lancie smirked. "And I think you just want me gone so you'll have Applejack all to yourself."

"Wow. The sky is blue. The next thing I know, you'll be telling me that water is wet."

"Hrmmmmmmmm..."

"What's the big deal?" Rainbow shrugged. "You already spent your last charge back in Denmark!"

"Dredgemane."

"Whatever. Point is..." She smirked. "Without grabbing another piece of yourself, what good could you possibly do even if baddies were to jump us?!"

"Er... r-right..."

"Face it, Lancie," Rainbow muttered. "This trip... this hang-out session with AJ has been a long time coming." She leaned against the bags on her bed, sighing dreamily. "Even if nothing comes of it, I think it'll be good for the soul." She smiled rosily. "Y'know, there was a time when I wouldn't even allow myself that." After a silent moment of contemplation, she turned and winked at him. "I like to think I've come a long way."

"And... uh..." Lancie scratched his stone goatee. "If something does come of it."

Rainbow sighed. "I think we both know me too well."

Lancie stared at her.

She reached over and "punched" his granite shoulder. "Don't you worry, dude. We'll still have more shards to find together."

"Who's worrying?" Lancie frowned. "I've simply have nothing to do while you frolic off on your love picnic."

"It's not a love picnic," Rainbow grumbled, slipping into both heavy saddlebags. "It's... grnnngh... an important business venture for... guhhh... Applejack and I wanna be there for support." She clasped the straps together under her fuzzy belly, then exhaled. "Both moral and awesome." She turned towards him, bearing the two enormous bundles. "Huzzah. How do I look?"

He folded his arms. "Tinier."

She blinked, then stuck her tongue out. "Never change, ya melon fudge."

"I try not to."

"The house is yours. Don't you trash it." Rainbow trotted for the door. "And you'd better not let any pigeons poop on you while I'm gone."

"I figured, at the rate you've been drooling over your road trip buddy, that would become your job."

Rainbow giggled.

Lancie raised an eyebrow. "Did... I just make you laugh, Sparky?"

"Yeah... maybe you did." Rainbow saluted. "See you in the funny papers." Slam! The door rattled, and she was gone.

Lancie stood alone in the bedroom. His stone nostrils flared as he turned about, gazing at the lingering shadows all over the interior.

"Guhhh—Mmmff!" Applejack heaved the last of several large barrels of apple cider into the back of a thick wooden wagon. As she began drawing a tarp over the canisters, she glanced aside across the dewy lawn of Sweet Apple Acres. She did a double-take at the petite blue figure trotting up. "Why, howdy, sugarcube!" She smiled with bright freckles. "My my, I figured I'd have to be waitin' another hour or two before you showed up!"

"Honestly, AJ? Honestly?" Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow.

"Well, you are an expert at sawin' wood, Rainbow," she said with a wink.

Rainbow Dash tried not to faint right then and there from the fresh sound of Applejack's voice in the crisp morning air. "You should know that I never leave a pony hangin'."

"Heh. Reckon not." Applejack squinted at the thick bags across Rainbow's flanks. "Land's sakes! You pullin' a Rarity all of the sudden?" She continued pulling the tarp over the apple baskets. "Ain't like you to pack so much."

"I just had to... uh..." Rainbow fidgeted, feeling the slosh of the potion bottles inside one of the bags. "Bring a few necessities."

"Well, suit yerself. I didn't bring much... besides the apples, of course." Applejack chuckled. "This bein' a business trip n'all." She smirked. "If I had Granny or Apple Bloom with me, I might have brought the banjo."

"Banjo...?"

"Y'know... for some good ol' travelin' ditties."

"You..." Rainbow Dash blinked. "You sing?"

Applejack gave her a double-take. She chuckled. "Rainbow, we're ponies. We all sing."

"I know, b-but..." Rainbow Dash's ears folded back as she smiled. "I would love to hear you sing, Applejack..."

"Hmmm?"

"Er... I-I mean... pfft... don't fret about any banjos on my behalf!"

"Heh, come to think of it, the trip to Shindig's place is gonna take forever and a half, what with it being deep in Central Fillyda n'all." Applejack smiled, tapping her chin in thought. "Maybe packin' an instrument or two wouldn't be that bad of an idea."

"Whatever, AJ." Rainbow gulped. "Just so long as we make it there in one piece."

"Heh..." Applejack brushed past the pegasus as she trotted to the far side of the wagon, tying the tarp in place. "What's the worse that could happen?"

"Heh... eh heh heh heh..." Rainbow wheezed, staring down at her squirming hooves. "Yeahhhh..." She gulped. "Uhm... AJ?"

"Mmmhmmm?"

"When was the last time you and I got to hang out like this?"

"Reckon ain't nothin' compares to this, sugarcube."

"Well... relatively speaking."

"Well, aside from those two or three times ya helped me with the apple buckin'..." She smirked, wiping sweat from her brow as she finished with the tarp. "I figure we last spent quality time together at the Gala."

"Right..." Rainbow Dash nodded. "And... uh... we sure got a lot of stuff off our chest during that time, didn't we?"

"Heheheh..."

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. "What's so funny."

"You mean I got a lot of stuff off my chest," the mare exclaimed, rolling her eyes. "Prattlin' on and on about my woes on the farm. Boy do I feel like a silly filly for all that moanin' and groanin'. Especially considerin' what luck the Apple Family and I landed in not long after."

"Eheheh... yeah... imagine that." Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. She already felt her cheeks flushing as she murmured. "I wonder... would you find it a bit out of the ordinary if... if m-maybe this time I was the one who got a lot of... erm... st-stuff off her ches—?"

TH-THUMP! A thick bag dropped into the back of the wagon. "Hiya, Rainbow Dash!"

"Oh." Rainbow turned and waved. "Hey there, Stu." She turned back to Applejack. "It's nothing freaky or anything, but I've been really needing a pony to talk to and—" Her eyes bulged. She slowly, slowlyyyyy pivoted back towards the front of the wagon. "Stu...?"

"Whew! Sure is a beautiful morning, isn't it?" The stallion hovered a few feet away. He wore a field pack over his back while his wings beat in the air. Inhaling deeply, he smiled and said, "It's the sort of weather that makes you wanna go for a jog!"

"Ya don't say?" Applejack smirked. "If that's the case, maybe you can pull the wagon first."

"Hah! I was just about to volunteer to do so!" He grinned. "But I didn't wanna step on yer hooves, what with this bein' yer wagon and all." He jolted in midair. "Oh! AJ! You missed a spot with the tarp."

"Aw shoot..."

"Here." Fwoosh! He flew down by her side and helped her fasten it in place. "There ya go! That shouldn't slip again now."

"Heh... much oblidged."

"What... how..." Rainbow blinked, her ears twitching. "He's..."

"Oh, I'm sorry..." Stu Leaves winced. "Did you want to pull the wagon first? Yeesh, I swear, if I wasn't always the last to show up for these kind of things..."

"That's what you get for usin' something electric for an alarm," Applejack said with a wink. "Silly city slickers. Ain't no rooster with a snooze button that I've ever laid eyes on. Heh."

"Heeheehee!" Stu Leaves giggled. "Good one, AJ!"

"Okay." Rainbow droned. "I'm lost."

"Hmmm? Oh!" Applejack gestured. "Did I not tell you?! Heavens to Betsy! Time's been a'flyin' by so fast, what with me havin' to get the best cider samples set up for Shindig n'all." She chuckled nervously. "The day you volunteered, I realized just how truly big and important this whole trip is gonna be! It'd be a real shame to let this opportunity go to waste on account of two exhausted ponies! So when I told Stu here about the trip, and he offered to help out as well, I was all 'Shucks! The more the merrier!'"

Rainbow blinked... then blinked again. "Merrier?!'"

"With three ponies taking turns at the wagon, none of us will get too tired!" He grinned. "Also, I have a friend who knows a friend who has a sister who works in Atlanta! I wrote her and she's already agreed to give us a cheap place to stay on the way down!"

"A bit saved is a bit earned!" Applejack said with a grin.

"Hah! You said it, AJ!" Stu unstrapped his backpack and placed it down beside his other bag. "Whew! I've never been to Fillyda myself! I hear it's a real steam bath this time of the year!" He chuckled. "Good thing I brought a water cooler!"

"Heh... yer head ain't quite so unscrewed after all, bucko." Applejack pointed. "Rainbow here was sayin' that I should go ahead and pack my banjo."

"For real?!" Stu Leaves grinned wide. "That sounds awesome! Great idea, Rainbow!"

"Er... yeah..." Rainbow drooped on her knees. "...awesome."

"I'll go fetch it, and then we'll be on our way!" Applejack trotted off. "Gonna be a long trip. No sense in frownin' the whole way."

"Heh... I don't think you'll be seeing any scowl on me!"

"Yeah..." Rainbow Dash climbed up onto the wagon, tossed her saddlebags in the back, and sat up front with a sour slump. She glared into the surrounding orchards. "...nothing but smiles here."

And So Much More

"Whitetail Woods..." Stu Leaves grinned as he trotted briskly, carrying the wagon full of apple cider behind him. A warm breeze rustled through the trees, sending random leaves and specks of dirt rolling across the rough path. "I've always loved the name of this place. It's just as lovely up close."

"Hmmmph... honestly..." Applejack leaned back in the front seat, lazily plucking at a banjo with the corners of her hooves. "You pegasusfolk fly over these sorts of places all the time. Don't pretend like it's really all that special to ya at ground level."

Stu chuckled, shaking his head.

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "What...?"

"Why, Applejack, you surprise me!" Stu Leaves smirked as he took a right at a fork in the road, drawing the wagon further south. "A mare of your fame and standing in Ponyville... saying something so racist!"

"It ain't racism!" Applejack squawked. "It's dog-gone common sense!"

"Yes, and earth ponies love rolling in the mud since foaling."

"We do not!"

"Why not? You're all about the earth!" Stu glanced over his shoulder and winked. "Makes perfect sense to me."

"Unnngh..." Applejack rolled her eyes. "Fine. 'Oooh' and 'Aaah' over these woods all ya want, ya sap."

"It just smells so delicious here among the trees," Stu remarked breathily. "I can't imagine what it's like in autumn when the acorns and leaves fall. I bet the air just tingles with mirth."

"Stu, you should be a poet, not a wagon carrier."

"Heheh... if you want me to shut my muzzle, it can be arranged."

"I dun mind ya gabbin'," Applejack said, plucking a few more strings. "So long as nothin' comes out of yer mouth that's stupid."

"Er... I-I'll have to work on that."

"Eeyup."

"Heheheh."

Rainbow Dash sat in the back of the wagon behind Applejack. Her head was slumped, her chin propped up against the wagon's wooden edge. With dull eyes, she stared at the trees passing by. In a blink, she imagined them surging by faster, set to the rhythmic sound of galloping... galloping hooves. In the back of her mind, she heard Applejack's angry grunts as a blue pegasus rammed into her more than once, trying to shove her off the road.

A grimace ripped through Rainbow's body. She clenched her eyes shut, wincing, almost gnashing her teeth.

"You okay, sugarcube?"

Rainbow's heart jumped. She popped her eyes open, turning her head to glance at Applejack.

"Allergies?" Applejack glanced up from her twanging banjo. She smirked—a full freckled smile. "They can be darn irritatin'."

"No... nah, I'm... uh... I'm good." Rainbow Dash gulped, her hooves squirming as she glanced down at the wagon's floor. "Just... uh... uhmmm..."

"You remember these here woods?"

"Uhhh..." She blinked. "Huh?"

"Golly, feels like only yesterday we were gallavantin' through this place like foxes with their tails set on fire!" Applejack tilted her hat back and smirked. "Can't believe we ever got worked up over a silly little race." Her green eyes blinked. "Or was it the Iron Pony Competition?. Shucks, my head's not attached right. Which came first, do you remember?"

Rainbow gulped, flexing her hooves in thought. "D-does it matter?"

"Heh... we've come a long way, darlin'."

"We... h-have?"

"Why, I can't remember the last time I ever snapped at ya."

Rainbow stared blankly.

"Cuz if you ask me..." Applejack spoke pleasantly. "Y'all ain't half the braggin' prankster that ya used to be."

"I... d-don't really have much time for pranking these days, AJ."

"That's cuz yer always workin' so hard to get thangs done," Applejack said, glancing down at her banjo strings. "I like that."

"You d-do?"

"Darn tootin'. Seems like you've found yer place in this world."

Rainbow Dash stared at her. Softly, she sighed, resting her body against the rattling wagon. "I'm starting to..."

"Hmmm-mmmmm-hmmmm..." Applejack hummed, and it sounded to Rainbow Dash like the most heavenly sound in the world. The pegasus ears tickled from each melodic tone that wafted out of Applejack's throat, like angel feathers brushing across her heart. The farm pony murmured a lyric or two between each lazy note. "We're apples forever... apples together... family and so much more..."

Rainbow found a place between those rhythmic sounds, a warm place, and place where she could nuzzle up and drift off, even if nopony was able to notice but her. The sounds of the wagon and the rustle of the leaves were suddenly thousands of miles away, and all that was real was Applejack's golden smile and the th-thump of Rainbow's heartbeat.

"...Rainbow?"

"Hmm?" Rainbow jumped in her seat. "Huh? What?"

"The sights don't change for another thirty miles or so," Applejack said. "Reckon if yer bored, you could fly up and enjoy the wind a bit. I know how much you can't stand bein' in one place without stretchin' yer wings."

"Nah..." Rainbow smiled... and smiled some more. "I think I'm fine right here."

==Part Fourteen: Road Trippin'==

==Part Fourteen: Road Trippin'==

"Get away from me, ya friggin' suitcases!" Rainbow's voice cracked. She desperatetly climbed a pine tree with numb hooves while massive jaws snapped at her hooves. "Guh! I mean it! Buck off!"

HRESHAAAA! Winged alligators swarmed all around her in the humid air, their blood-red eyes fixated on the tender morsel stuck in a tree. They rammed the trunk below her several times with their scaled snouts, trying to shake her loose into their drooling maws.

"Ambushed by flying alligators!" Rainbow seethed, her limbs tingling. "What a rotten time for my potions to run out!"

Rainbow Dash decided to scream for help.

"Screw that! I'm not screaming for help!"

SNAPPP! An alligator's hungry jaws clamped over her tail.

"Awwwww sh—" Rainbow shrieked as the winged beast yanked her off the scraggling branches. "HELLLLLP! SOMEPONY! ANYPONY!"

With a merciless yank of its throat, the alligator body-slammed Rainbow to the floor.

"Ooof!" Rainbow winced as pine cones and squirrel droppings flounced all around her. Her body was too numb at this point to register pain. Sitting up, she yelped as several beasts touched down, circling her like reptilian wolves. She crab-walked in reverse, hyperventilating. "No... no! This is totally a lame way to die! Why couldn't you be dragons or robots or sentient explosions instead?!"

HRESHAAAA! The dragons loomed closer, their breaths smelling like dried blood and lockerroom sweat.

"Nnnngh!" Rainbow Dash flailed, her hooves curling daintily beneath her quivering muzzle. "Just m-make it quick. I won't cry." She sniffled. "Honest!"

All at once, the alligators flapped their wings and dove towards her.

Th-Th-Thwisssssh! A veritable blitz bomb of apples landed from above, pelting the alligators from head to tail. They collapsed to the floor, thrashing in frustration.

"You bite one single hair on her purdy lil' body and I'm makin' gator burgers out of the whole lot of ya!"

HRESSSSHA??? All the reptiles glanced up.

Rainbow spun, and her eyes glowed. "Applejack!" she melodically cooed.

Standing on a hill—the tallest point in Fillyda—was none other than Ponyville's most dependable mare, the cream of the citrus crop, the diamond in the Equestrian agricultural rough—

"Just introduce her already!" Rainbow growled.

Applejack(!!!) stood on her hind legs, somehow glaring and smiling at once. It didn't matter. Either way, it was super sexy. Rainbow Dash could smell her freckles from a mile away as she stood proud in the light of the setting sun, performing angry hoofy-kicks of love and justice.

"I've come all the way to Orlandoats to do two thangs! Squeeze cider and make love to awesome pegasi! And I'm all out of cider! So guess who you lizards done pissed off with all this shenaniganical horse hockey?!"

Ch-Chtung! One alligator cocked a shotgun.

"Look out, Applejack!" Rainbow Dash hollered. "He's packing heat!"

"He'll be packin' my dress shirts by mornin'!" Applejack tilted the brim of her hat forward. "Hoedown time!" And she galloped down the hill with smextastical wild abandon. "Yeeeeeee-haaaaa!"

POW! The alligator fired multiple times. P-POW! POW!

Applejack juked left and right, grinning as she dodged each splash of lead. "Nope. Nope. Aaaaaaaaaand nope!" She leapt over a final blast that exploded a log in front of her, sending chunks of wood and dead squirrel in every direction. "My turn!" she chirped, pulling a lasso out from... someplace exquisite. By the end of her stride, she had formed a loop and twirled the thing in the air. Before the alligators could urinate on themselves, she tossed the noose around the gunlizard's neck and swung it by its gullet. "And this is how we dosey-do!"

WHAM! The whimpering reptile's body slammed against its companions, ricocheting off of them like pinball paddles. Cold blood lit the air, along with the sound of tearing wings.

Rainbow Dash blinked several times. Between each flap of her lids, she saw more and more skin and bones shredding the air, and in the center of it was an orange freckled nucleus of badflank and sweat!goddess.

Within seconds, the alligators were decimated. Whatever was left alive tore for the hills, yipping like doglizards... lizarddogs... bitchodiles...?

"And stay out!" Applejack shouted. "Of this forest!" She spat. "Cuz yer bein' foreclosed!" She grinned. "And y'all work at Maredonald's!"

"Applejack..."

The country mare spun about, her red ribbon bursting so that her golden mane spilled loose and glittered in the hot Fillydian sunshine. "Sugarcuuuuuube," she cooed with the octaves of a hundred fallen angels.

"Duahhhhhhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash instantly fell back with the mother of all swoons. A hovering orange figure giggled in her peripheral. She glanced over.

"Just let it happen, Rainbow!" I said, smiling brightly from where I flew. I held a bow with a heart-arrow while a silken quiver hung over my toga-clad figure. "Just like you've always ssssssssssecretly wanteddddd."

"Oh goddess Celestia," Rainbow Dash whimpered. "I'm Neighra Falling in that place that the school books always talked about."

"Well, Sparky?" A mountain cougar with stone antlers chuckled. "That's what you get for drinking so much Applejack before bed?"

"Bed?" Rainbow blinked. FWUMP! Orange hooves landed on the silk sheets all around her. She looked up. Blink blink. "AJ."

"What took ya so long, darlin'?" Applejack purred, propped over the pegasus. She leaned down and kissed the square of Rainbow's limp chest. Laced drapes billowed in the autumn air that blew softly into the lavender-scented honeymoon suite. "All this time you made me wait..."

"I should have been more awesome," Rainbow whimpered, eyes tearing as she trembled. "Just now. Just as always. If only I could have been more awesome for you, Applej—"

"Shhhhh..." Applejack pressed a hoof to Rainbow's lips. She leaned down, breathing hotly into her ear. "Dun be awesome. Just... be fuzzy."

"Ohhhhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash's eyes rolled back.

Applejack nibbled her way up Rainbow's neck. "Mmmmm... golly, sugarcube, yer so tiny."

"I knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..." Rainbow gigglesobbed. "Applejack..."

Six words. Six words. Six words.

"Hmmmm?" Applejack nibbled and licked and kissed from ear to ear. "What is it, darlin'?"

Six words. Six words. Six words!

"I..." Rainbow panted and rose higher, higher. "I..." She lingered upon the crest of wailing.

Applejack suddenly grinned wide. "Oh lookie!" she thundered in a stupid stallion's grating voice. "A sinkhole!"

Rainbow's pupils shrunk. "Wat."

"I've always wanted to see one of these! Let's check it out, Applejack!" And the mare opened her mouth wide, vomiting out a squadron of Stu Leaves, all dropping flammable payloads that scorched the earth all over Rainbow Dash's chest.

"Ow! Ow ow ow ow!" Rainbow slapped and swatted at her burning flesh. "Augh! Dammit! Stop being—here! GO AWAY!" She rolled over and fell a thousand miles into a flashing light. "Whoah!"

WHUD!

The wagon screeched to a stop.

Stu Leaves looked back, gasping. "Rainbow Dash! What... H-how?!"

"Land's sakes!" Applejack sat on the edge of the rider's seat, gawking down at the mare as she clutched her hat. "You okay there, darlin'?"

"Nnnngh... g-guh!" Rainbow Dash lay on her back across the dirt road, legs sticking straight up like a petrified beetle's. Her eyes blinked as she froze in place. "... ... ...how long was I out of it?"

"Uhm..." Applejack fidgeted. "Reckon I dunno, darlin'," she said with a nervous smile. "I just figured you were bein' quiet all this time 'cuz you were bored of the conversation... snkkkkt..." She broked into fitful giggles.

Stu Leaves winced. "AJ?! What's so funny? She could have broken her neck!"

"I... I-I'm sorry, Rainbow..." Applejack slapped her knee. "But you look like fuzzy blue roadkill with yer legs stickin' up like that!"

"Heh..." Stu Leaves broke into a smirk. "Her wings too!"

"Oh golly! Hah hah hah!"

"Heheheheh..."

Rainbow siiiiiiiiiiighed, glaring aside.

"Oh Rainbow..." Applejack climbed down from the wagon and grabbed the mare's fetlock. "A thousand pardons, darlin'. But you sure are a rough-and-tumble pegasus."

"Heh, well, you kn-know me," Rainbow's voice cracked. "I take a fall and—" Fwooosh! Applejack's super-strong grip hoisted her into an immediate standing position. "—I get back up." Rainbow blinked.

Applejack's smiling muzzle was inches away. "You sure ya ain't hurt, sugarcube?"

"I..." Rainbow Dash made the tiniest of inhales. She smelled hay and citrus. The back of her mouth watered as her chest vibrated. "...yeah... I-I'm good..." She gulped.

"Alrighty then..." Applejack turned back around and climbed up the wagon once again. "Now, what's with all this hooplah, Stu?"

"A sinkhole!" He pointed, grinning. "See?!"

"Well, I'll be darned! You don't see many of those around in Ponyville!"

"Yeah! I hear Fillyda is full of them!" He smirked back at the mare. "Guess it's like a preview of things to come!"

"Well, what are ya waitin' for? Let's get a closer look!"

"Heheh! Okay!"

And the wagon creaked along.

Rainbow took a deep breath, then groaned, her ears aching from the sound of Stu's voice. She floated after the wagon on limp wings, glaring across the nearby woods that flanked the road.

Part Fourteen: Road Trippin'
(Where Rainbow Dash Buckles Down for the Best and Worst Week of Her Life)

Rainbow Dash Rides South

Rainbow Dash had forgotten what it meant to travel slow. Days spent flying long distances to the likes of Manehattan or Dredgemane had given her an exagerrated perspective on transportation in general. Applejack had told her that the trip to Orlandoats would take the better part of several days, and somehow Rainbow Dash had accepted this... only without thinking.

Now that she was actually seated in the back of the rickety wagon, feeling every icy bump and jolt of the road, staring at the grass and trees positively oozing by at a snail's pace, she was only starting to wake to the reality of their glacial progress. The agonizing crawl was mind-numbing, and Rainbow almost cursed the fact that her limbs weren't numb—for she was itching to gallop in place, somersault, barrel-roll... anything to recreate the illusion of movement... true movement.

If she was by herself, then maybe she'd be comfortable with her own anxiety. However, with Applejack constantly a dreamy-sigh away, there was no way Rainbow Dash could afford to let loose her inner basketcase. Even then, with just Applejack there, it wouldn't have been too terrible of a situation. But with a certain stallion just within the same earshot...

Rainbow Dash found herself tugging at her own ears on over three dozen occasions in the first day alone. If there was enough room in the back of the wagon, she would have resorted to chasing her own table like a demented puppy. Each second was like dragon claws raking across chalkboard, and the only thing keeping Rainbow in place—aside from the innate pangs of loyalty—was Applejack's angelic presence. With each icy hour that crawled by, each insurmountable eon of mundanity laced with Stu Leaves' gratingly cheerful voice, there was still the same luscious drawl, the glint of emerald eyes, the freckled dimples with a hint of afternoon sweat and grit and—

Rainbow excused herself on multiple occasions. By the close of the first day, she had taken to the air so many times that she was almost certain somepony would say something—questioning why the pegasus had to make herself scarce so often. Regardless, Rainbow did her best to be useful, if only to excuse the consistent aerial ventures. She spotted for rainclouds from a distance. She checked for wandering wildlife along the beaten path, warning them once about a loose bear along the edge of a forest. At a fork in the road when they had to stop the wagon, Rainbow compared the east turn to a mark on their map and directed them to the appropriate highway that took them further south.

As for the landscape, Rainbow didn't notice any stark change, and it murdered her inside. She knew that it was only the first day, and there was no telling when things would start looking any different—or what she might expect when they actually arrived at their destination. Just what was Fillyda like? Or Atlantrot for that matter? In truth, Rainbow Dash had no legitimate clue. All she bothered to think about concerning this trip was Applejack. And now that she didn't even have the confidence of sharing that alone...

The only thing worse than being bored was being bored and angry. That is why, when it became Applejack's turn to draw the wagon, Rainbow Dash insisted she do so instead. There was no need for competition, so Applejack easily relented, much to Rainbow's relief. Soon the pegasus had herself hitched up to the wagon and was drawing it along the road at a swift pace. It didn't even occur to her until an hour into the trot just how blessed she was to have Zecora's potion working at full-force. Months ago, if she had tried doing this, her numb body would have collapsed after just twenty feet of wagon-pulling. For a brief moment, Rainbow feared that the extra exertion might sap the effect of the potion much sooner than anticipated. But, the more Rainbow dwelled upon it, she realized that she had a greater obligation to preserving her sanity. She kept trudging onward, carrying the wagon southward at a brisk pace.

Almost too briskly. More than once, Applejack requested that she slow slow down, asking Rainbow what the "huge hurry" was about. Every now and then, Stu also questioned the mare's speed. Rainbow Dash had to balance her swift responses to Applejack with her abject ignorance of Stu's comments. Eventually—with a defeated sigh—she forced herself into a slow trot, trying to match the pace that the stallion had taken in pulling the wagon earlier.

By the fall of early evening, as the landscape bled red under a setting son, Rainbow finally found her groove. Admittedly, she was unaccustomed to drawing wagons, at least to this degree of dedication. There was something strangely meditative about it. She couldn't trot too quick, or else the wagon might rattle its contents loose. If she went too slow, the carriage itself might bump into her. The entire effort was like spinning plates, only with forward motion, and if Rainbow concentrated on it long enough, she could almost ignore how slowly the day was taking to die.

Almost...

Rainbow sighed on more than one occasion. Staring at the ground, she pretended to pay more attention to the texture of the dirt and grass and less on Stu's and Applejack's words.

She failed. Often.

Bumpity

"Sugarcube, you sure have been goin' at it for quite some time," Applejack said, leaning forward in the rider's seat. "How 'bout stoppin' so I can bear the load for a while?"

"It's almost nighttime, AJ," Rainbow Dash's voice cracked as she drew the wagon down a gradual incline. Trees with dark green canopies stretched on either side of the road. Somewhere in the distance, a grassy pasture loomed, but there was no chance of reaching it before the sun fell completely. "If you want, you can pull it in the morning, ya dig? You'll have rested a whole night and eaten breakfast n'stuff."

"She's got a point, AJ!" Stu Leaves smiled aside. "You do your best work in the morning."

"Stu, just 'cuz I live on a farm doesn't mean I'm married to the dawn."

"You'd make a prettier bride then I would. Heheheh..."

Rainbow rolled her eyes so hard they almost fell out of her skull.

Applejack sighed through a dull smile. "Stu, has anypony ever told you that you've got a sense of humor befittin' a cactus pretendin' to be a Hearth's Warming tree?"

"Ahhhh..." He winked. "So that's why it got so quiet you could hear a pin drop." He chuckled at himself. "Get it? Like cactus needles?"

Applejack groaned.

Rainbow Dash blinked into the darkening woods surrounding them. "I wonder if there are timberwolves who could eat us overnight..."

"What was that, Rainbow Dash?"

"Erm..." The mare's ears twitched as she continued pulling the wagon downhill. "H-How do we plan about camping overnight?"

"Shucks, that's right! I guess we've never camped together before, have we?"

"Why?" Stu Leaves blinked. "Should you have?"

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow bowed her blushing face. "What he said."

"Well, reckon it's really simple. We need to grab some dry sticks for the fireplace, then set the sleeping bags evenly apart, preferrably with the wagon between us and the road, so that anypony pullin' a carriage down the path overnight has less of a chance of runnin' over us by accident."

"How many long-distance trips do you do, Applejack?" Stu asked.

"Heh... why, shoot, I'm always deliverin' apples and apple pies left and right. These days, Big Mac usually makes the really long trips, seein' as he's good at haulin' the goods with them muscles of his n'all."

"When was the last time you made a trip like this?"

"Well, can't rightly remember. This meetin' with Shindig down in Orlandoats is mighty special." Applejack tapped her chin. "Come to think of it, I ain't even sure I've been on a trip this long! Reckon it's somethin' of a record!"

"Heh... fancy that!" Stu smiled. "Well, I'm honored to be sharing the trip with a mare such as yourself."

"Eh... stop makin' such a big fuss."

"No fuss! Just saying."

"Saying what, exactly?"

"AHEM." Rainbow Dash glanced back. "Shouldn't we—like—make a stop soon?"

"What? Are yer legs finally gettin' tired?" Applejack smirked wryly. "Darlin', I done told you—"

"No no no... I mean..." Rainbow glanced ahead, fidgeting slightly in mid-trot. "It's gonna get super dark soon, right? So... maybe we should stop so I can get an early start on grabbing fire wood while there's still light out. It'd be really sucky to run around, scrambling for dry sticks when it's already nighttime."

"She's got a point there, Applejack," Stu said. "It'd be a real shame to freeze to death on the first night of travel." He chuckled.

"Yeah..." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes as she muttered to herself. "A real shame..."

"Pffft. Y'all are dramatizin'." Applejack nevertheless smirked. "Whatever. I know when I'm bein' outvoted. Rainbow? How about rollin' us onto the grass the first moment you see a clearing."

"Yeah, I can do that," Rainbow said. "Then I'll find some firewood lightning quick! Don't you worry!"

"Heh... who's worryin', sugarcube? We'll be fine." Applejack winked. "I know you can hold yer own."

Rainbow glanced back, eyes glistening. "Really?"

She hit a gopher hole in the road, jostling the whole wagon.

"Gaah!" Stu Leaves gripped his seat, wincing. "Watch it!"

"Sorry!" Rainbow looked ahead, steadying her descent down the hill. "Sorrysorrysorry!"

"It's alright, darlin'! It was just a bump!" Applejack waved a hoof. "Calm down! Land's sakes! Yer more nervous than a mouse at a cat convention!"

"I just..." Rainbow gulped. "I-I just don't want to screw things up. That's all."

"Since when?"

"Erm... uhhhhh..." Rainbow started to sweat.

"Uhm... maybe this is the worst time to ask this, but..." Stu gulped. "How exactly will we go about starting a fire."

"Land's sakes..." Applejack rolled her eyes. "You really were born on a cloud, weren't you?" She winced briefly and smiled at Rainbow. "Erm... no offense, sugarcube."

"Heh..." Rainbow smirked, breathing a bit easier. "None taken."

"I-I'm not entirely clueless!" Stu stammered. "I've read up on it since showing up in Ponyville! You grab some dry grass and moss, plant it in the center of the wood pile, and then you rub a stick against it really fast until you produce sparks—"

"Or..." Applejack smirked, reclining lazily in her seat. "You use a lighter." She pointed at the wagon. "Like one of the three I brought with us."

Stu blinked... then blinked again. "Oh."

"Heheheheh..." Applejack chuckled. "You silly pegasi believe that earth ponies are the last to think of everything."

"There you go again! Applejack, do you ever see me pointing hooves at somepony's race?"

"Nope. Maybe it should. It'd give yer personality a pinch more flavor, ya silly varmint."

Stu glanced down at his squirming hooves, pouting. "I'm flavorable..."

"Hmmm. No doubt." Applejack pointed. "Would ya be useful and grab one of them lighters while it's light out?"

"Sure thing, Applejack!" Stu flapped his wings and hopped into the back. "Which bag?"

"Small one. Red canvas."

"Be more specific. I'm color blind to red."

Applejack's jaw dropped as she looked back. "Are ya serious?"

"Snkkkt—No! I'm only pulling your leg! Hahahah!"

Applejack took her hat off and gave his flank a swat. "Ya goof!" Suddenly, her expression blanched, and she quick-as-lightning slapped the hat back on. Composing herself, she exhaled through a frustrated smirk. "I was gonna say! What didja think you were buckin' off the orchards all this time?! Pomegranates?!"

"Well, they were too light to be bowling balls!"

"Heheheh... I swear, Stu, I dun get you sometimes."

Rainbow sighed to herself. "You ain't alone, sister." Rainbow Dash craned her neck. "Hey AJ! I think I see a clearing up ahead!"

"Well, what are you waitin' for?"

"Erm... I was just..."

"I ain't no Equestrian Princess! If you think it's a good place for a campsite, then I trust yer judgment!"

"Right... sure thing..." Rainbow Dash turned the wagon off the dirt path.

"Whoah! Hold on just a sec—" Stu flailed as one jerk after another knocked him onto his side. "Ooof!" He rolled against the tarp-covered cider jars in the back.

Rainbow smirked to herself. "... ... ...mind the bumps."

Shipaway Camp

"I... uh... did I do this right?" Stu Leaves fussed and fumbled with his sleeping bag. "I mean... it looks right. Doesn't it?"

"It's a sleeping bag, Stu," Applejack droned from across the campfire. "Ain't nothin' more to it than that."

"Ah. Okay..." Stu chuckled nervously. "I've never really camped before."

"Heh..." Applejack rolled her eyes and smirked. She was opening a casket and dipping a cantene into it. "Ya dun say."

"For real!" The stallion squatted down on his bag and glanced across the flame. "In Cloudsdale, when you felt like sleeping out in the open, you just... plucked a few wispy beds out from the main cloud and plopped yourself down on it overnight!" He smirked aside. "Rainbow Dash knows what I'm talking about, I bet. Don't you, Rainbow?"

"Meh..." Rainbow laid on her belly, gazing dully into the crackling embers of the pyre. "Can't remember the last time I slept Cloudsdale style."

"For real?"

She rubbed her fuzzy muzzle and sighed. "I've been living in a piece of Equestrian sky estate on the east end of town." She glanced up. "No doubt you've seen it."

"Ah. Yeah!" He grinned. "Those are some comfy clouds they sculpt! Almost as good as the ones back home!"

"Stu, Cloudsdale hasn't been my 'home' in ages. I'm Ponyville flesh through-and-through these days."

"Heh. No doubt about that, Rainbow. Everypony talks about how loyal and dependable you are."

"Is that a fact...?"

"Yeah! And with how scarce you've been as of late, it's almost as if you've become a legend!"

"I..." Rainbow winced slightly. "I'm not that much of a mystery." She gulped. "Am I?"

"Dun be silly." Applejack wandered over. "We all live busy lives. It's just that yers has been a great bit... busier lately." She held the cantene down towards the mare. "Here ya go, Rainbow."

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow Dash gingerly took the container in her blue hooves. "What the hay is this?"

"Just my way of thankin' ya for carryin' the load most of the day." Applejack winked.

Rainbow squinted. Curiously, she brought the cantene to her lips and took a little sip. Her insides immediately caught on fire with rainbows and pixie dust. She tried speaking, though she was afraid her tongue would ring with the sound of angel bells.

"It's cider!" her voice ultimately cracked.

"Eeyup."

"But... but..." Rainbow fought to keep her wings coiled to her sides. "This... this stuff is for Shindig, isn't it?"

"I packed an extra canister," Applejack said proudly. "Figured it wouldn't hurt to cure our spirits during the long, exhaustin' trip."

"Whew. Heheh... Applejack..." Rainbow Dash felt her body warming three times than the flame ahead of her. "Thanks. This is great. And I mean really great. But... uhm..." She winced slightly. "I dunno if you remember or not, but... uhhhh... I-I don't really do so well with bottles of cider..."

"I know, sugarcube," Applejack said in a suddenly soft tone. "But it's only one cup. Enjoy it. You've earned it."

Rainbow's petite hooves squeezed around the edges of the cantene. She smiled with rosy cheeks. "Thanks..."

"Dun mention it."

"But... like... what if I gotta pull the wagon in the morning?"

"Oh, you won't be." Applejack trotted across the flickering camp. "Besides, that's somepony else's job." She gave Stu a gentle buck with an errant hoof. "Ain't that right, smart stuff?!"

"D'uhm! Gaaah..." Stu Leaves jolted from where he had fallen half asleep. "Right! Of course!" He blinked into the firelight. "...what were we talking about?"

Rainbow giggled.

"Heheh..." Stu smirked tiredly. "Now there is a cute laugh."

"Oh stuff it." And Rainbow Dash dove her muzzle into the cantene. She took a very... very liberal sip of the cider, almost emptying the cup of ambrosia in one gulp. She closed her eyes, smiling blissfully as she allowed the sweet fermented juices to do their toll on her insides. As the minutes wore on, toasting by the open flame, she felt a different sort of numbness in her system, lulling her extremities to the soothing land of slumber. A century and a lasting sip of cider later, she thought she heard angels singing.

It was just Applejack's voice.

"...it's one of the earliest memories I have, come to think of it," she rambled, her words punctuated by the crackling of firewood and the occasional hoot of a distant owl. "We were campin' out along the edge of Everfree. All four of us... well... four and a half I suppose. Eheheh... Ma was pregnant with Apple Bloom at the time." She slumped back on her sleeping bag, lazily tilting her hat over her smiling face. "That night, Pa took Big Mac and I to the edge of the woods. There, we caught a whole heap'o'lightning bugs in a jar. I never knew that livin' thangs could produce glowy light like that. When we came back and zipped ourselves up all nice and cozy in our tent, Pa let the lantern bugs go. Big Mac and I laid on our backs, watchin' the lil fellers flick back and forth across the tent's ceiling, like our very own shootin' stars. We fell asleep doin' that. Lookin' back on it now, I can't rightly remember when the sleepin' ended and the dreamin' began. I suppose foalhood's like that in a lot of ways."

"That's really sweet, AJ," Stu Leaves said, stifling a yawn. "It must have been really fun growing up as an earth pony."

"Heh... no more or less fun than growin' up as a pegasus, I reckon." Applejack took a deep breath. "It's all a matter of who you spend yer early days with. And Big Mac and I—and Apple Bloom too—we had it the best... even if we didn't have the best for long."

"Well, you deserved nothing less than the best," Stu said. "And I've no doubt that you'll make a great mother someday."

"Heh... sure thang..."

"I mean it. You'll be makin' great foalhood memories for a bunch of little hayseeds who'll grow up to groan in embarrassment whenever you show up to pinch their cheeks."

Applejack chuckled. "I'm not sure I cater to yer imagination, Stu, but I'll buy it for a bit."

"Heh... I feel myself getting rich already..."

"Heheheh..."

All this time, Rainbow Dash stared at Applejack, her eyelids growing heavier... and heavier. Soon enough, the glow of the fireplace broke apart, turning into tiny comets that streaked across Rainbow's mindscape. Through the fog of time, she crawled, until she found a tent where a tiny foalish Applejack shivered all alone. Draping a blanket over the filly, Rainbow Dash cuddled close, holding her protectively until both were as warm as the sight of the tiny light show dazzling them from above. And at some point, the moment where dreams evolved into eons of subconscious nothingness, the filly and the mare switched. Rainbow Dash cooed dreamily in Applejack's arms, and drifted off in the apple scent of her warm, warm fuzz.

Stugiving Day

Rainbow Dash was raised from the dead, one eyelid at a time. A cold, cold gray world lingered all around her, pierced slowly by the golden rays of a warm sun. Her limbs fidgeted, and she felt the loving, velvety embrace of her snug sleeping bag from all sides. She opened her jaw to yawn, feeling the joints in her neck cracking with delicious little pops.

Then, there was a chuckling sound.

Rainbow Dash lifted her neck, squinting past cowlicked bangs. In the morning light, she made out Stu Leaves as he rolled up his sleeping bag beside the smoldering remains of a dead campfire.

He glanced at her and chuckled some more.

"Mrmmmff..." Rainbow blinked even more blearily. She struggled with another yawn. "Where's... Mmmmfljack....?"

"She went into the woods to do whatever it is that mares do behind closed doors," the stallion said. "I'm about to make us some breakfast. I figure we'll be ready to set off within the hour."

"Nnnngh..." Rainbow rubbed her eyes, wings limp. "Right... rightrightright. Got it."

"Heh heh heh..." Again, Stu chuckled.

Rainbow blinked, her brow furrowing. She glanced at his chuckling figure, then at her body sitting up in the sleeping bag. Suddenly, tiny invisible needles pierced her extremities, and she frowned. "What did you hear...?"

"Hmmm?" He glanced up and looked at her. "Oh, nothing."

"What did you hear?!" Rainbow snarled.

"I-I've no idea what you're talking about." Stu smiled and smiled some more.

Thwoooosh! In one single leap, Rainbow was hovering in his face, both forelimbs raised. "You were here the whole time as I woke up! Now spit it out!" She gnashed her teeth. "I mean it, pal!"

"Wh-whoah!" Stu fell on his haunches. He stared up at her with wide eyes, shivering. "You... y-you said nothing! Honest! It's j-just that—"

"It's just what?!"

He gulped. "You... y-you snore..." He smiled awkwardly. "You snore a lot in your sleep. I... I-I never figured somepony as tiny as you could make that much noise. I thought it was silly, is all!"

"... ... ..."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Rainbow Dash!"

With a sigh, Rainbow slumped and pressed her hooves to the ground. There was a slight tingle to her fetlocks, but she was too exhausted to register it at the moment. "Forget about it," she muttered, trudging back to her sleeping bag. "Forget I said anything..."

"Uhhhh... s-sure thing!" Stu chirped. "Whatever makes you happy! Heheheh..."

Rainbow Dash stood on her sleeping bag. She teetered in place, running a hoof through her messed-up hair. Her eyes blinked, and she squinted in thought.

"Wait..." Her lips moved with each murmuring word. "...at what point did I get inside the sleeping bag?"

She stood there by herself, tapping her chin in thought.

Buckends Theme

"So I looked at the sceneryyyy. She read a magaziiiine." Stu Leaves sang and hummed as he drew the wagon over a hill. "And the moon rose over an opennnnn field. Kathy I'm lost, I said, though I knew she was sleepiiiiiing. I'm aching and aching and I don't know whyyyyy. Counting the carts on the Neigh Jersey Turnpike; they've all come to look for Equestriaaaaaa. All come to look for Equestriaaaaa."

Directly above, Rainbow rolled her eyes and continued flying at decent height to observe the southern surroundings.

"Now that one you couldn't have written yerself," Applejack muttered.

"Nope!" Stu Leaves smiled, not once losing his stride. "Simane and Gallopfunkel. I've loved them since I was a colt."

"They some sort of gospel band or somethin'?"

"Pffft! Are you kidding me, Applejack?!" Stu Leaves barked. "You've never heard of Simane and Gallopfunkel?!"

"Ehhh... should I have?"

"They're only the most classic of folk artists!"

"Y'know, as silly as it may sound, I never done listened to much 'folk' music."

"Well, that's rather strange."

"And why do you say that? Just 'cuz I live on a farm and buck apples means I gotta be into only folk or country?"

"Heheheh... nothing of the sort, Applejack! I just figured—since you're a mare of good taste—you'd be familiar with them! That's all!"

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes for the upteenth time and kept flying.

"To be frank, Stu, all I know is the little musical ditties hoofed down from my family and the other families that they knew."

"Guess what?" Stu smirked back at her over his shoulder. "That's 'folk.'"

"Pffft. Now yer just generalizin'."

"Hey! It's an established concept!" He looked ahead as he carried the wagon down a sloping path. "Check out Whinnypedia if you doubt me!"

"It's not so much doubt as it is—"

"What? Surprise that I can sing like I mean it? Heheheh..."

"T'ain't no surprise, Stu." She smirked. "An airy head just means more wind you can throw through them vocal chords of yers."

"Heheheheh..."

"Hah hah hah hah!"

Fwoosh! Rainbow descended, floating right in front of the laughing ponies' faces. "We've got a split up ahead."

"For real?" Applejack unrolled a map and squinted at it. "Says here that it's only one road."

"Lemme see." Rainbow snatched the map from her. "Uh huh... uh huh... ah, okay."

"What?"

"This is an old map. Like... ten years old."

"Shucks. I didn't think it'd make no difference."

"Well it does." Rainbow pointed south past a line of trees. "Looks like they built a new road. The dirt certainly seems... fresher than the path we're on now. Almost like it's been trotted on less."

"Well, that would make some sense." Stu glanced back. "So which path do we take? I mean... is the new road a better route to our destination?"

"Heck if I know," Applejack said with a shrug. "If I had known that they were makin' a new path to the highway..."

"No sense in blaming anypony for anything," Stu Leaves remarked. "We just gotta figure out on our own which path to take."

"Reckon Rainbow could do that."

"Do what?" The petite pegasus blinked.

"Wouldja mind, darlin'?" Applejack smirked. "Flyin' ahead and gettin' an idea where the new road leads?"

"Why don't we just take the old one? It should totally gel with your old map, right?"

"Yes, but if this new road attaches to the main thoroughfare sooner..."

"Ah, I get it."

"Go on ahead, Rainbow," Stu said. "At the rate we're going, we shouldn't be at the split in about half an hour. That should give your speedy wings plenty of time to scout out."

"Yeah. Sure." Rainbow started ascending. "I promise I won't leave you two alone for too long—" She froze in place, blinking. Biting her lip, she glanced down at the two.

Stu kept trotting along, whistling to himself. Applejack sat comfortably in the seat, reexamining the map with a placid smile on her face.

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash fidgeted in midair. "Maybe... uhm..."

"Hmm? What's that, Rainbow?"

The mare gulped. "Maybe Stu should take a break. Rest his legs. Then—like—he could use his wings to... uh... help me."

"Help you? Help you how, sugarcube?"

"Well... uh... if... if w-we both fly up and do a bit of scouting, we might... uhhh... figure out a detour a lot faster! Yeah!" Rainbow grinned nervously. "Instead of just waiting on me and me alone!"

"Stu Leaves?" Applejack blinked. "Faster than you?"

"Errrr..."

"She's got a point there, Rainbow." Stu chuckled, shaking his head. "I'd just slow you down and we both know it!"

"Uhm..."

"Don't worry! I'm not gonna collapse or anything. I've got this!" Stu winked as he carried the wagon past Rainbow. "We'll stick to the road while you check ahead! It's all good!"

"Besides, we all know how much ya lurve to stretch yer wings," Applejack said with a blink, then promptly turned towards Stu. "Say... Crosby, Stirrop, and Neigh. Do you know them musicians?"

"Hah! Do I ever!"

The two chuckled as the wagon rolled along.

Rainbow sighed heavily, her face frowning. "Yeah..." She flapped her wings harder and shot south, ahead of the group. "I love it to death." She bit her tongue as she drew further and further away from the other ponies' merry chuckles.

The Big J

"Hey!" Stu Leaves grinned from where he briskly trotted down the center of a wide south-bound highway. "Where you guys from?!"

"Marebile!" One of a half-dozen ponies replied from a wagon in the rightmost lane. "How 'bout you, stranger?"

"Ponyville!" Stu Leaves nodded his head while drawing Applejack's cart. "Due west of Canterlot!"

"Wow! Yer from the heartland!" Several of the ponies in the nearby wagon chuckled pleasantly. "Where we come from, we dun see many winged ponies. Much less pullin' an earth pony wagon!"

"Hey?! When in Roam!" Stu Leaves winked.

"Heheheh! Where y'all headed?"

"Orlandoats."

"Ya mean deep down in Fillyda?"

"Yeah. But we're having to pass through Atlantrot along the way! Could you tell us if we're on the right path?"

"Darn tootin'! This here is the fastest, clearest highway ever built 'round these parts! Had to tear down an old factory or two to pave it, but we ain't complainin'! Transportin' oats is as easier as ever! Believe you me—it'll get y'all to Atlantrot within a day and a half!"

"Heh... not as bad as I thought! Say, are there any rest stops along the way?"

"Reckon so! About thirty miles south of here, along the right side! There's a town called Dayton. Them's good eats!"

"Heh... we'll be sure to check it out!"

"Though, if you want our advice, only go for Dayton for the vittles. You wanna get a nightcap, head on a few more miles to Trotsville. It's further away from swampland, so less mosquitoes to nip you at night!"

"Hey! Thanks!"

"Anytime, partner!" The ponies waved as they drew out of earshot in their larger, heavier wagon. "Safe travels, now, y'hear?"

"Definitely!" Stu Leaves chuckled, then glanced back behind him. "Celestia, I love southerners. Salt of the earth."

"You say that 'bout any farmin' ponies," Applejack said with a smirk.

"Heh. If you say so."

"I know what I say, and I say what I know."

"Don't worry, Applejack," Stu Leaves said. "Ponyville agriculture is still my favorite."

Applejack squinted. "What in the Sam Hill is that supposed to mean?"

"I'm just saying, you don't have to be jealous." Stu Leaves chuckled. "Sweet Apple Acres still gets the Hospitality Award in my book."

"Pfft! Stop comparin' me to southerners! I dun even know where y'all get the idea."

"Heheheh..." Stu Leaves smirked in mid-trot. "It's a total mystery."

"Now enough of that, ya fuddy duddy!"

"Wuh oh! Is somepony fixing to wrassle me?" Stu stuck his tongue out.

Applejack giggled and prepared to say something in response—

"SO." Rainbow Dash perched on the wagon between them. "Stu! How're you holding up in terrestrial acclimation!"

"Terrestrial... erm... what?" The stallion blinked.

"Oh, I'm sure you know all about it." Rainbow smirked. "The difference in air pressure... the change in humidity levels... the presence of pollens and other allergy-inducing things so close to the earth's surface..."

"Oh... Ohhhhh!" Stu blinked. "That! Yeah, I remember all about that... uhhh... from junior-grade school."

"I'm afraid I dun follow," Applejack muttered.

"Oh, it's a common thing most pegasi go through, especially ones who grew up in a cloud city like Rainbow and me." Stu Leaves smirked. "When such pegasi move permanently to a terrestrial location, they can... uh... take a while to adjust."

"Some longer than others," Rainbow said. "I mean... pfffft... I got over the severe migraines and intestinal bloating withint weeks of setting up house in Ponyville. But that's just 'cuz of how I've got my tubes arranged, if you know what I mean." She winked, elbowing Applejack.

"Erm... reckon I dun, sugarcube."

"Yeah. What do you mean, Rainbow?"

"Oh... I-I mean... I'm sure it's no big deal with you." Rainbow sat back, faking a yawn. "After all, you're so busy working, Stu. It's not like you've had time in your life to even bother with it."

"Bother with what?"

"Eh, not like it matters. The odds are only—what... one in five?" Rainbow's eyes blinked. "Whoah... now that I think about it, that is kind of huge. Still, that gives you four chances out of five to not be affected."

"By what, exactly?"

"Well... I'm no biology major..." Rainbow leaned in, her voice taking a whispery tone. "But I hear that the reason why most male pegasi don't like moving out of their cloud cities is because they like making babies in the future."

"Huh..." Stu blinked. "You don't say."

"But hey! If you're doing just fine, Stu, then you're the expert!" Rainbow leaned back, stretching her legs and wings out. "I'm sure you've got nothing to be worried about!"

"Er... right!" Stu bit his lip. He fidgeted, his eyes glancing down as he slowed his pace a bit.

"Say, uh, Rainbow?" Applejack glanced over.

"Hmmmm?" Rainbow smiled, her eyes shut.

"Did ya sleep just fine last night?"

"Sure did. Why? What's up?"

"That's a darn good questin."

Rainbow glanced over. "Huh?"

"I'm just... not used to ya soundin' so... so..."

"What? Content?"

"I was gonna say 'academic-like.'"

"So what if I get a bit nostalgic over biology class once in a while?"

"You?" Applejack's eyes were like narrow slits. "Nostalgic over book-learnin'?"

Rainbow bit her lip. At last, her voice squeaked. "It could happen."

"Darlin', if somethin' was botherin' you, you would tell me, huh?"

"Uhm..." Rainbow fidgeted. "I... uhh..."

Suddenly, Applejack's ears perked up. Her freckles dimmed as she glared at the pegasus. "Of course... now I see..."

Rainbow started shivering. "See what?"

"All this time... it makes perfect sense..."

"What d-does...?"

"Yer demeanor... the way you've been actin'..." Applejack smirked devilishly. "...how feisty it's gotten you..."

Rainbow tried not to whimper. "Applejack, what are you tr-trying to say?"

"Dun worry, sugarcube." Applejack leaned forward, breathing. "I'll get you fixed right up."

Rainbow gulped. "Fixed?"

And immediately, Applejack smiled and shouted towards Stu. "Get in the right lane, Stu! We'll exit at Dayton!" She pointed. "Rainbow Dash's starvin' for some food in her belly!"

"H-hey! What a coinkydink! I could go for a bite myself!"

"Ain't nothin' more wholesome for the pegasus metabolism! Ain't I right?"

"Heh... you know us so well, AJ."

"Reckon I should! Yer kind are the biggest threat to my apples, second to fruit bats. Er... no offense..."

"Heheh... how could you ever offend me, AJ."

"Just you wait, Rainbow." Applejack patted the mare's shoulder with a proud smirk. "Soon enough, you'll be swallowing the grumps away with some old fashioned country vittles!"

"Jee, thanks..." Rainbow Dash exhaled, hugging herself as she glanced at the passing scenery. "You're so thoughtful..."

Apple Dumpling (Gang?)

"Mmmm-mmm!" Stu took another gulp, dabbing his muzzle with a napkin and glancing across the varnished wooden brunch table. "Best dumplings ever! And these grits! Applejack, ya gotta try these grits!"

"Uh huh..." Applejack stared out the window of the Cracker Buck restaurant.

"Applejack?" Stu took a sip of orange juice and squinted at her. "What gives?" He had to speak up over the sound of over five dozen chatting, munching, chuckling patrons all across the bustling roadside establishment. "The food's inside, silly pony! Not outside!"

Rainbow dug unenthusiastically at her hashbrowns and waffles. "Silly... pony..." she murmured to herself.

"I'm just worried, that's all," Applejack muttered.

"About what?"

"About the cider."

"Snkkkt... Applejack..." Stu smirked. "The cart's going to be fine! This place has a security guard to checks every wagon to make sure there's no funny business going on!"

"I know. But we're out in the middle of the Carolineigh countryside and there's no tellin' who or what might wanna take off with my goods."

"And do what with them?" Stu remarked. "Sell them to Tar Hooves fans?! We're at least thirty miles from a decently large city for that sort of seedy crap!"

"Maybe..." Applejack squirmed in her seat. "Maybe I-I shoulda parked the thang closer, y'think?"

With a groan, Rainbow Dash sat up straight. "For Celestia's sake, Applejack!" She hoisted the drapes aside. The wagon full of cider was within inches of the window pane, almost blocking all sunlight. "You think that's not close enough?!"

"But we're so plum far away from the entrance, so even if I had to gallop out and stop a buncha thieves, it would take me a full minute to—"

"Applejack, eat your pancakes or I'm shoving them down your neck with all four hooves!" Rainbow growled.

Applejack's green pupils shrank. "Yes'm!" And she nibble-nibble-nibbled on her breakfast like her orange fuzzy life depended on it.

"Hahahahah!" Stu leaned back, chuckling. "You know... heeheehee... I love you two girls!"

Applejack kept munching. Rainbow Dash, however, flinched as if a meteor struck her skull. "Huh? How's that?"

"You two are... just..." Stu motioned with a hoof, smirking. "...so natural together! I mean, sit you two in the same room, and you're like... like..."

"Best friends?" Applejack muttered between bites.

"Elements of H-Harmony?" Rainbow squeaked.

"Sisters!" Stu grinned.

Rainbow Dash swiftly gulped down some orange juice so she wouldn't throw up.

"Heh..." Applejack smirked. "Reckon we do read each other like a book."

"Why do you think that is?" Stu asked with a smile.

Rainbow Dash felt her body suddenly drenched all over in three hundred percent more sweat than the minute previous. "Uhhhhhhhh..."

"Well..." Applejack spoke with a mouthful. "Mrmmmf... It's cuz she and I ain't like the other girls..."

"You mean the Elements, right?" Stu smirked. "Cuz you six sure do make a sweet bunch."

"Yeah, but Rainbow and I are more salt than sugar." Applejack winked across the table. "Ain't that right, Rainbow?"

"Eh heh heh heh heh..." Rainbow wheezed through a crooked smile.

"We both call it like it is. When an issue comes up, we dun dance around it like Rarity or Twilight might, or simply ignore a problem like Pinkie or Fluttershy. Guess you could call us mares of change... and action."

"Heh... I like that!" Stu smirked. "I guess that means Rainbow is pretty much you, only with wings, AJ."

"Heheheheheh..." Applejack gulped more pancakes down while shaking her head. "Ohhhhh no." She smirked.

Rainbow Dash blinked. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothin', sugarcube," Applejack said. "Why dun you eat yer buttered toast before it goes stale."

"The table's all out of jam packets." Rainbow squinted. "Seriously, though! What's that supposed to mean?"

"What's what supposed to mean?"

"When you replied to what Stu just sai—"

"Land's sakes!" Applejack suddenly gasped, nearly spitting out a spoon that she had just shoved into her mouth. "That's like liquid manure!"

"I beg your pardon?" Stu droned.

"Try this here apple sauce they're servin'!" Applejack grumbled at him, sliding her plate over. "Can ya believe they're tryin' to pass this off as a samplin' of the best fruit in Equestria?"

"Uhhhh... eheheh..." Stu gulped. "From your colorful description, AJ, I'm not sure I want to."

"Just give it a try! I wanna know that my taste buds aren't alone in their misery!"

"Really, Applejack, I'm not... erm... that is..."

"Will ya just try the dayum apple sauce?"

"Okay." Stu took a brave breath and stuck his spoon in. "Here goes." He slid some into his mouth."

"Well...?!" Applejack stared, eyes sharp and chiseled.

He tongued the inside of his mouth, staring at the restaurant wall covered in hanging nick-nacks and countrified mementos. "...it tastes fine to me."

"'Fine?!'"

"Maybe a little tangy."

"Stu Leaves, have you ever done tried Granny Smith's Equestrian Sunrise Apple Sauce recipe?"

"Uhhhhh..."

"It was served at the Sisterhooves Social, ya dag blame'd idiot!"

"Oh! That stuff!" Stu Leaves shrugged. "It was alright."

"Grrrrrrrr..."

"What?!"

"Now yer just yankin' my chain on purpose."

"It's not th-that I hated it! It was just alright!"

"And this stuff is somehow better than alright?!"

"... ... ...can I have another taste?"

"Ungh!" Applejack rolled her eyes, adjusted the brim of her hat, and slid her plate back over. "Honestly. You've got the brain of an ostrich."

"Seriously! Lemme have another bite, AJ! Maybe I was wrong in my... uhhh... Apple Sauce Assessment!"

"Go dunk yer head in a lake."

"If I drowned, I wouldn't be a good taste tester! Eh? Ehhhh?"

"Grrrr..."

"Heh heh heh heh!"

Meanwhile, across the table, Rainbow slumped in her seat, continuing to dig in her plate with a fork. "Hrmmmfff..." She muttered to herself. "I wonder if I can drown in syrup..."

King Me

Rainbow Dash strolled through the Cracker Buck gift shop. Between a fuzzy belly full of breakfast eats and the constant warble of old country record music, the mare felt weary in the head, as if she was enduring and out-of-body experience. She distracted herself by gazing at the plethora of novelty gifts and tacky toys hanging all around her. At some point, she wandered past a fake plastic tree adorned from top to bottom with shiny tinsel and goofy ornaments.

"It's not even friggin' Hearth's Warming," she grumbled.

At some point, she stumbled upon a table where a tiny checkerboard blanket had been draped over. For a while, Rainbow didn't know what she was staring at until she saw stupidly large plastic discs of red and black sitting randomly atop the blanket.

"Oh... I get it..."

Sighing lethargically to herself, she found herself obsessive-compulsively arranging the large checkerboard pieces across the black and white squares so that it looked like the start of an actual game. She was nearly done when a brown hoof reached in, plopping the last three pieces in place.

Rainbow glanced up.

Stu Leaves smiled. "Whoever was here last only got halfway through their game. Don't you hate it when they don't put it all back together? Heheh..."

"Whatever," Rainbow muttered. "Don't mind me. I saw it in disarray and spontaneously felt like pulling a Twilight."

"Huh?"

"Never mind." Rainbow shook her head. "Where's AJ?"

"She dashed to the fillies' room," Stu said with a shrug. "Had to go powder her nose, or whatever it is that lady-ponies do that takes so dang long in there."

Rainbow Dash inexplicably giggled. "Do you even hear yourself? Applejack never... ever 'powders her nose.'"

"Well, with freckles like that..."

"What?" Rainbow squinted. "What about the freckles?"

Stu shrugged with an innocent smirk. "I'd show them off any way I could, y'know?"

Rainbow glared and glared.

Stu, meanwhile, was stifling a yawn. "I already paid the check at the front." He scratched his chin while squinting across the noisy, garish gift shop. "Guess it's just a waiting game now."

"Uh huh." Rainbow said, staring blankly at the checkerboard cloth.

"Gotta hoof it to this place... they can serve up a terrific breakfast! Heheh! You think?"

"Sure..." Rainbow grumbled. "Keep thinking."

Suddenly, Stu moved a checkerpiece diagonally across one square.

Rainbow blinked. She looked up at Stu.

Stu smiled.

"Are you for real?" Rainbow squinted. "You wanna challenge me?"

"Why not?" Stu shrugged. "It'd be a shame to stand here and do nothing."

"Yeah, but..." Rainbow cocked her head to the side. "Me? You're challenging me?"

"Hey, if checkers isn't your bag, then I'll gladly forfeit before starting—" Stu started to back up.

"No-no-no-no-no-no..." Rainbow waved a hoof. Slowly, she bore a devilish smirk. "Since you're so keen on writing checks..."

"Heh. It's just a friendly game, Rainbow."

"Uh huh." Rainbow picked up a piece from her side and slapped it down onto the cloth one square from his. "Hah! Let's get it on!"

"Hmmm..." Stu rubbed his chin.

"What do you mean 'hmmm?'" Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "You in or aren't you?"

"Oh. Definitely. Definitely." Stu moved a piece forward. "Whew. It's been ages. I haven't played checkes since grade school!"

"Yeah!" Rainbow smirked as he hopped a disc over his piece, taking it. "And it shows!"

"Heheheh..." Stu smiled as he moved another piece forward. "I guess I just never found the time to practice."

"Well..." Rainbow took another piece of Stu's. Over the next two or three lightning fast moves, she was slowly advancing towards his side of the board. "You know what they say about 'practice making perfect.' Not everypony can afford to be on the top of the mountain, Mr. Leaves."

"I guess that's the advantage of having a spiffy set of wings," he said with a chuckle. "You can fly up there at any given moment!"

"Are you saying that I cheat?"

"Not at all, Miss Dash! You're just good at what you do!"

"Dang straight!" Rainbow took another piece of his, grinning at the stack of discs on her side of the table. "And it's about time you found out—"

In one single move, Stu calmly took four of Rainbow's pieces before setting them neatly on his side of the table.

Rainbow froze in place, her jaw dropped.

"Your turn." Stu looked up at her. He chuckled, wings twitching. "Oh, I can't pretend to hope. I just bet you're strategizing a way to pulverize me as we speak."

"Yeah..." Rainbow shuddered, her muzzle pale as her wings drooped. "I'm a regular Stallion Hawking..." She gulped.

"Heheheh... Applejack's lucky to be surrounded by confident mares—"

Rainbow nervously moved a piece forward.

"—like... you." Stu blinked.

"Wh-what?" Rainbow stammered.

"Oh, uhm... it's just..." He reached his hoof towards a piece, lingered, then removed it. "Erm... n-nothing..."

"Are you holding back?"

"What?! Uhhhh... erm... I-I just..."

Rainbow frowned. "Don't you friggin' dare hold back! That's a totally uncool way to play!"

Stu bit his lip, shrugged, and pressed his hoof to the piece again. With two quick hops, he took out another pair of Rainbow's pieces.

The mare winced, teeth gritting.

Stu added to his stack. He gulped, producing a nervous smile. "Uh... king me."

"H-huh?"

"One of my pieces reached the edge of your side of the board. You gotta put one of my discs on top of him."

"What for?"

"Well... b-because he can now move both ways across the board."

"He can do that?!" Rainbow's voice cracked.

Minutes later, Applejack trotted across the gift shop.

"Whew!" She exhaled, rubbing her belly. "That's the last time I pour on that much syrup on my dag-blame'd pancakes!" She smiled as he approached the checkerboard table. "I swear to Celestia, I was groanin' more than Big Mac at an armadillo-callin' contest..." Her words teetered off. "Uhm... whatcha all doin'?"

"Oh! Applejack!" Stu Leaves looked up, grinning nervously. "You're back! We were... uh... just finishing—"

"No we were not," Rainbow snarled. She hovered in place, hugging herself with stooped shoulders. Before her, the checkerboard blanket was a barren wasteland with only one of Rainbow's pieces stuck in a sea of all six of Stu's. "This game isn't over. Not yet."

"Whew!" Applejack whistled. "Looks like an excitin' bout! Were you goin' at it the whole time I was indisposed?"

"Oh, sure!" Stu said. He fidgeted. "As well as the th-three games before it."

"Three games?!" Applejack blinked crookedly.

"Rainbow Dash has a very unique strategy!"

"Yeah. Well. Is it a winnin' one?"

Stu blanched, squirming awkwardly. "Erm..."

"Stop delaying," Rainbow grunted. "It's your move, bucko."

"I... uh..." Stu smiled nervously. "Are you sure?"

"Yes!" Rainbow hissed, wings flapping faster. "Now take your turn already!"

"We really need to be makin' our way towards Atlantrot," Applejack said.

"Uhhh... Rainbow? Applejack says we need to be heading out towards Atlantrot—"

"Then stop holding your horses and make a move already!"

Stu sighed long and hard. "Alright..." He trotted back towards the table and moved a piece. "There ya go—"

"Ah HA!" Rainbow Dash suddenly grinned, immediately hopping a piece over his and claiming it. "Thought I was down for the count, didn't ya?!"

Stu cleared his throated, grabbed a kinged piece, and eliminated Rainbow's last disc.

Rainbow grimaced so hard her teeth almost fell out.

"Alrighty then!" Applejack melodically chirped. "So, shall we get the wagon's a-rollin'!"

"No friggin' way!" Rainbow Dash barked. "I-I feel my stride coming back! I can win the next one for sure!"

"The n-next one?" Stu wheezed.

"Rainbow..." Applejack frowned. "For real, now, darlin'. We gotta git goin'!"

"But... but..." Rainbow Dash gestured at the table. "Checkers!"

"I'm sorry, darlin', but Orlandoats isn't gonna trot to us!" Applejack said. "Now, it was a mighty nice breakfast n'all, but times-a-wastin'!"

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Rainbow Dash!" Stu Leaves said, smiling nervously. "You can't win all the time!"

Applejack was already wincing. She hid her face beneath her hat, peeking out with a twitching eye.

Rainbow Dash glared and fumed.

"Ahem..." Stu Leaves brushed a hoof through his wind-swept bangs. "King me."

"Again?!" Rainbow squawked, sitting with him in the back of the wagon with the checker-blanket kit she had bought at the gift shop hours ago. "Oh come on!"

"I-I'm afraid so, Rainbow!" He chuckled. "I swear, I'm not actually trying that hard—"

"Oh, don't you go on and say that!"

"But it's the honest truth—"

"Either give me your all or give me nothing!"

"Alright! Alright!" He cleared his throat. "Uhhh... b-best out of seventeen?" He smiled awkwardly.

"I'm gonna smoke you so hard..." Rainbow rubbed her hooves together, glaring down at the blanket.

"I-I've no doubt of it. Eheheheh..."

Meanwhile, Applejack pulled the wagon, glancing worriedly over her shoulder. She blinked, then glanced forward as she carried the cart down the highway.

"Whelp... foals will be foals..." And she bore a freckled smirk as the noonday sun lit their path.

Wagon Trails

"Okay... Okay!" Rainbow Dash teetered upon the brink of hyperventilation. "Best out of Thirty-Seven! You game?! Come on! Let's go! Let's go!"

"Mrmmmfff..." Stu Leaves teetered from where he squatted in the back of the rickety wagon across from her. "Jee, I dunno, Rainbow..." He yawned... then yawned harder. "Grfff..." He slumped down, propping his drowsy chin on a hoof. "Not that I'm proud at having this winning streak, but—"

"Streak? Streak?! Pfft! More like a beginner's roll! Come on! I was just starting to get my tactical grove on last game!"

"Y'sure about that?" He yawned into the checkerboard blanket, his eyes fluttering shut as the wagon rattled around them. "I thought we both agreed that we hit that one bump in the road and it moved the pieces for you."

"Pfft! Maybe you agreed! Come on, Stu! Where's your competitor's edge? Don't you feel the raging blood of Commander Hurricange pulsing through your pegasus veins?!"

"Hmmmm..." He nuzzled his chin into the crook of his own forelimbs, smiling sleepily. "Always... a f-fan of Private Pansy..."

"Heh... why doesn't that surprise me?"

Stu was dead silent, his nostrils slowly flaring as he drifted into slumber.

"Come onnnn!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "Don't faint on me now! How in the heck could you fall asleep at a time like this?!"

"Let 'em be, Rainbow!" Applejack hollered back in mid-trot. "Land's sakes! Yer almost puttin' me to sleep with yer goin'-ons!"

Rainbow frowned at her as they rolled down the southern highway. "I don't believe it! He just collapsed!"

"Ain't that a pegasus thang?"

"Huh?"

Applejack smirked, sweatily. "If y'all pegasi dun find something that entertains you for more than an hour, yer metabolism just shuts down?"

"Yeesh. Stu Leaves is right. You are racist."

"Heheheheh..." Applejack tilted the brim of her hat forward. "And you've flipped yer technicolor lid."

"Huh?"

"Let the stallion rest! No sense in beating a dead horse, even if it's him!"

"But... but I was so close—"

"To what?! Face it, Rainbow. Stu Leaves is a natural at them checker games. I'm sure he could beat me in his sleep too if he wanted."

"But... but he acts so nonchalant about it!" Rainbow growled. "Almost like it doesn't mean a darn thing to him!"

"Ya ever thought that perhaps it's because it doesn't mean a thang to him?" Applejack glanced over her orange shoulder. "Not everypony's so Tartarus-bent on testing their mettle against another pony's, sugarcube."

"Heh. As if." Rainbow glared at the sleeping figure. "He's swelling up with pride, I just know it! I bet he's riding the wave in his dreams as we speak!"

"Heh... ain't much worth in swellin' up his head when there ain't much of anythang there to begin with."

"Is that his secret?" Rainbow blinked. "That he's a total friggin' idiot that checkers comes naturally to him?"

"Then I reckon you dun feel so bad about losin' now, huh?"

Rainbow frowned. "Ha. Ha. Very funny."

Applejack chuckled. "Rainbow... will ya relax? I dunno 'bout you, but I'd like to spend the bulk of this trip in good spirits. And hearin' you relive yer Iron Pony mania with the poor sap back there ain't conducive to none of it!"

Rainbow winced so hard, her molars nearly popped out. "Yeesh, AJ. I wasn't... th-that bad, just now..." She gulped. "Was I?"

"Awwww... I'm only teasin', darlin'," Applejack said. "I'm totally used to ya gettin' all hot-headed over a good ol' fashion competition, but Stu Leaves ain't me."

"Heh. Not by a long shot."

"Just let him sleep it off, ya hear? Heh... he'll probably forget all about it when he wakes back up."

Rainbow squinted. "Just why do you keep a featherbrain like him around the farm anyways, AJ?"

"Hmmmm?"

"It's just that... like..." Rainbow bit her lip hard, gazing off towards the nearby treeline as she rubbed her far shoulder awkwardly. "Seems like every time I so much as drop by Sweet Apple Acres... he's th-there, y'know? He's always... always there."

"Well, the feller's really helpful," Applejack said. "Not that none of my other friends are, of course, but he's a bit less busy."

"I see." Rainbow giggled wheezily. "So... uh... he's like livestock?"

"Pffft. You seein' any horns on his noggin', sugarcube?"

"Uhhhh..."

"Stu is like a big colt. It makes him really happy to help out. I feel plum terrible turnin' him down. Y'all've seen the grin on his face when he does somethin' useful. And he is useful. Bucks trees and doesn't ask too many questions. Ponyville could use more helpin' hooves like him."

"So... he's super-helpful, huh?"

"Eeyup. I believe I done said that."

"Soooooo... like..." Rainbow shivered slightly, wings twitching as she fiddled with her numbing hooves. "That's... uhh... all there is?" She gulped. "With him, I mean?"

Applejack looked back, bright emerald eyes blinking. "Hmmm?"

Rainbow's pupils instantly shrank. "Uhhhhhh... what I mean is... uhhhh—"

"Whoah nelly!" Applejack gasped.

"What?!" Rainbow Dash ducked, hugging herself in the seat. "Wh-what's wrong?"

"Will ya take a look at that...?" Applejack grinned stupidly.

Rainbow Dash turned around, following Applejack's line of sight. To the northwest, a mound of forested earth broke the reddening sunset, casting crimson bands and dark shadows across the landscape.

"Hard to believe that we came all the way from up top there," Applejack murmured. She chuckled to herself. "It's like what Granny Smith always aid... y'know... about the Carolineighs..."

"Yeah...?"

"'You never know how high you've been until you've come down from the mountain.'" Applejack smirked. "Guess I was too busy mindin' the road to notice just how spectacular it was."

"Awwwwwwww jeez..." Rainbow winced. "All this time I was trying to whoop Stu's flank at checkers, you were doing all the hard work!"

"No big whoop." Applejack looked ahead, sweating gently in the glow of the sunset. "This mornin's breakfast really did a number on my insides. Trotting it off is the best medicine, if ya ask me."

"Still, you must be tired. How about I take over, AJ?"

"Nah. This late in the day? No real reason to."

"But... uhm..."

"Thanks for the offer."

"How about... I-I draw the wagon with you!" Rainbow smiled nervously. "It might make the load less heavy."

"Rainbow—"

"You wouldn't have to feel guilty about glancing around and digging the scenery." Rainbow gulped. "With... another mare by your side..."

Applejack trotted in silence. She glanced back, smiling calmly. "Well, if you insist..."

"Heh... totally insist." Fwoosh! Rainbow darted down by her side. "Move over, freckle-face."

"Yeesh. Give me a chance to breathe, will ya?" Applejack paused the cart long enough to adjust the riggings. She made room for Rainbow Dash, and soon both ponies were drawing the wagon as one. "Alrighty. I thank that does it."

"There... see...?" Rainbow stammered, trying to catch her breath as she moved alongside Applejack. Only once she was pulling the wagon did she realize how numb her hooves had already become. How long had it been? Just three days? Two? She ignored it, maintaining a confident smirk. "I bet it's easier already!"

"Come to think of it, I reckon it is..." Applejack smiled. "Many thanks, Rainbow."

"Heh... don't mention it."

"You really do enjoy stretchin' yer non-feathered limbs, don't ya?"

"You bet!"

"When yer not lazin' about on a cloud at any given time of the day, that is."

"Hey... watch it."

"Heheheheheh..."

Happy Tails

"You excited, AJ?"

"Hmmm?"

"I mean... about Shindig and all."

"Oh! Shucks... you bet!"

"Really?"

"I dun said so, didn't I?"

"Cuz you don't exactly seem excited."

"Rainbow, this has been one of the best years of my life."

"... ... ... f-for real?"

"Mmmhmmm. What, with the farm havin' gotten a bunch of new buyers and Sweet Apple Acres makin' a real boom as of late? We're doin' way better than we ever did in all the years my Granny worked with Filthy Rich. Things are lookin' up up up with each pasisn' day. As a matter of fact, I can't rightly remember a time when I didn't feel so... so proud of where we are and what we've been doin'."

"So... in other words... this whole Shindig business in Orlandoats—"

"—is just another dollop of cream on the apple pie, so to speak. Eheheh... it sure is a wonderful thang, Rainbow. But after so many moments of bright smiles and happy hugs, I'm tryin' my best to... how should I put it..."

"Mellow out?"

"Heh. Reckon so. I mean, I'm all for celebratin' and everythang, but deep down beneath this pretty face is a business mare who knows not to count all her chickens before they've done hatched, no matter how good the eggs might seem from the outside."

"Heeheeheehee..."

"... ... ...? What in tarnation are ya chortlin' about now?"

"Nothing."

"Out with it. I know yer hidin' something."

"It's just that I've never heard you use the word 'pretty' to describe yourself before."

"... ... ... for real?"

"I-I-I mean... uhhh... erm... it's not a stupid thing to say, or nothing! It's just so... so..."

"... ... ...just so 'Rarity?'"

"Hah! Yes! Totally!"

"Eh heh heh heh... well, reckon Rarity's always had a big chip on her shoulder. I've always sorta scowled at it. But... dog gone it... Celestia help me if I'm actually startin' to understand how the mare feels."

"In what way?"

"I mean—and dun you be spreadin' this around the other girls."

"N-not at all! It's a secret with me, AJ. Pinkie Pie swear."

"Right right. Ahem... but I've always kinda sorta envied how Rarity manages to put on airs all the time. I mean, she just breathes confidence. Usually in situations when it'll only come back to bite her, butttt..."

"Heeheehee... yeah, I know what you mean."

"She's always in such smooth control of her enterprise. I'm not sayin' that dress-makin' is just a shake-of-the-leg away from Apple buckin', but she and I are very much alike."

"Brbrbrbrbrbrbb... pleeeease don't say that."

"Hmmm? Why not?"

"Erm... uhh... Ahem. Y-you were saying, AJ? About apple bucking, that is?"

"What I mean is that Rarity and I are both entrepreneurs, in a way. We both have businesses that we have to manage very, very carefully. Only she's not nearly as family-oriented as I am, ya reckon?"

"I wasn't foaled yesterday, AJ."

"Eheheh... But for the longest time I felt that what I had was a great deal more of an uphill battle than what Rarity's gone through. Seems like she never has trouble findin' clients. Me, on the other hoof? When Filthy Rich dropped Sweet Apple Acres like a bad habit, I was flounderin', sugarcube. I was honestly flounderin'."

"Yeah... ... ..."

"But, almost overnight, things changed. It's... it's so much clearer now, like all the clouds have been lifted from my life. Clouds that I never thought were there to begin with. For the longest time, I figured that all I had to do was just follow through with what Ma and Pa taught me, and the harvest would take care of itself. Whelp, I did that for years and years. All of us did. Me, Big Mac, Granny. Even Apple Bloom. And only now does it feel as though our faith and hard work has rewarded us."

"That's great, AJ. Like... super great. I'm happy for you."

"But... it's a little too dang easy to let all that get to my head, ya feel me?"

"Uhm... s-sure?"

"Heh... I know you, Rainbow."

"Do you, now...?"

"Eeyup. You absolutely lurve the spotlight. No doubt if you were runnin' a farm like me and you had run into this sort of fantastic luck, you'd be flyin' and zippin' all over the place in a Pegasus Victory Prance."

"Pegasus Victory... what?"

"Dun mind me. I'm improvisin'."

"Yeah, well, you suck at it."

"Pfft! Go soak yer paint bucket head!"

"Heeheehee... ahem... you were saying about your good luck?"

"I just dun wanna give into the euphoria too much, ya dig? I'm mighty afraid of goin' blind with confidence. I done told ya that I ain't got the experience with the matter like Rarity has. It'd be a real shame to walk in on Shindig, expectin' the whole world, only to be given a speck of dust... if ya catch my drift."

"Okay, Applejack. First mistake? Comparing yourself to Rarity."

"Heheh... alright. Is there a second mistake?"

"Being confident is a good thing. If nothing else, walking in on Shindig's Cider Factory with a smug grin on your face is gonna—like—show her that you mean business. You're here to take the keys to her industry and make something friggin' awesome out of it. If she doesn't see that confidence in your... 'pretty' face..."

"Heheheheh... go on."

"Ahem. She won't give you the benefit of a doubt... so long as you don't give yourself the same benefit. A little confidence goes a long way. But don't compare it to Rarity confidence. Just focus on... y'know... Applejack confidence."

"I'm not sure I've got much to go by."

"You've got yourself. So dig the spurs in and see where the ride takes you. I promise, it won't be a let down."

"Ya really think so?"

"Know so."

"Heh..."

"Applejack, for real. I have every reason to believe that—in spite of all the good that's already happened to you this year—you're about to embark on your finest chapter yet. And if I had my way, I would... uh... I-I would make sure of it."

"... ... ...hmmm... thanks a lot, Rainbow."

"Don't mention it."

"Fitting. Ain't nopony in all of Equestria who's a better expert on confidence than you."

"Yeahhhhhhh... uh... imagine that... eh heh heh heh... phweeee..."

Wagon Tales

"Reckon I'm mighty sorry, sugarcube."

"Hmmm? What on earth for?"

"This here trip is lookin' to take a lot longer than I first imagined. I'm talkin' a few days more. Boy do I feel like a plum idiot."

"Pfft! Don't sweat it!"

"You sure it ain't no thang to be haulin' this cider to Orlandoats with me?"

"I wouldn't rather be anywhere else."

"Ain't you got a job with Stamps over at Banner Company, though?"

"Huh? Oh! You mean the delivery service!"

"How could ya forget about that?"

"Er... I-I didn't! I've just got... erm... a lot on my head as of late. Eheh..."

"Golly. I didn't think deliverin' parcel across Ponyville was that vigorous of a thang."

"Is isn't. Well, what I mean is... it can be. I guess. I dunno."

"Still, reckon yer havin' to put off a lot of work time to make this happen."

"Meh... no big sweat."

"You sure?"

"It's just a part-time gig anyways. I'm always taking time off."

"And... th-that doesn't worry you at all?"

"Pfft. Stamps is used to it. Besides, he knows I'm always good at making a delivery on time."

"Sounds like the two of you know each other."

"Heck, yeah. We go way back to Flight Camp! Er... that is... back when I ditched Flight Camp. Uhm... g-guess I just shoulda said 'since I was a teenager.'"

"Sore subject?"

"Eh..."

"I gotta say, Rainbow, you're the best darn flier I ever did say."

"Yeah. Hehe. And?"

"Well, it just seems mighty silly to think that you ever skipped out of flight camp."

"Pffft. Why? For real, that place is completely blown out of proportion."

"Ya sure? From what I hear, it's a super important part of a pegasus education."

"Those stuffy old teachers at Cloudsdale couldn't teach a humming bird to hover."

"Heh... ya sure ya ain't dramatizin' a tad bit much?"

"Alright. Let me put it this way. Fluttershy passed all her classes with Straight A's. Plus she was on the honor roll."

"Okay. Snazzy. So what's yer point?"

"... ... ... you've seen how 'well' Fluttershy flies today, right?"

"Oh... Ohhhhh."

"Heeheehee..."

"Okay. So maybe Flight School ain't all it's cracked up to be. Even still..."

"What?"

"You've got so much darn talent! What's to say ya can't go back to Cloudsdale and teach them little colts and fillies a thing or two about what it really means to flap their wings?!"

"Heh... and risk the future skies being filled by pegasi half as awesome as me? Pfftttchyeah, no. I don't think so."

"Rainbow..."

"Besides, AJ! Doing something like that would—like—mean having to leave Ponyville for a super long period of time!"

"Don't you make yerself scarce enough as it is these days anyways?"

"I... uhm... er... but th-that's different!"

"Heheheh... how so?"

"I'm... doing stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Awesome stuff."

"Ohhhhhhh... trainin' for them snazzy Wonderbolts, I take it."

"Sure. Why not."

"What's so special about them Wonderbolts anyways?"

"It... that... pony... grkkkf... blblblblblbb—Are you serious?!"

"Hah hah hah hah!"

"Gosh darn it, Applejack, since when did you live under a bridge?!"

"Land's sakes! Hahahah! I had no idea yer face could get that red!"

"You didn't notice until now?"

"Heheheheh... ahem. Why, should I have?"

"... ... ...uhhhhhhhh... uhm..."

"I dun mean to be teasin' ya so much, Rainbow. I guess this is... well..."

"Well, what?"

"My awkward way of tryin' go catch up."

"Catch up?"

"Cuz yer always zippin' around to Celestia-knows-where all of the time. I mean, I'm mighty proud of ya for havin' a busy and prosperous life, but sometimes—I swear—I think yer a plain ol' mystery."

"... for real? A mystery?"

"Uh huh..."

"You think that?"

"Eyup. All the girls do."

"Oh. All... the girls."

"Well, reckon Fluttershy's different. You and her grew up together, right?"

"Right..."

"And it's not like it's my place to ask her for scrumptious details about yer silly school days together. Besides, even if I was of a mind to do that, she's got her head up in the same clouds as Big Mac these days, eh heh heh heh..."

"Yeah. How do you feel about that, by the way?"

"... ... ...wow. Now that's a way to change the subject."

"Uhhh... y-you changed it first!"

"Did I?"

"Well, you brought it up."

"Huh... reckon I did. Well, if you must know, I couldn't think of a nicer mare for Big Mac to hook up with as his very special somepony."

"Heh... we all know that Fluttershy is 'nice,' AJ."

"Right. But... like... it's more than that! She's compassionate. She's responsible. She's good with livestuck."

"Always important, that last one."

"Oh hush. Ahem... She's quiet. That's a big one. You literally have no idea how many stuck-up gals from downtown have wandered to Sweet Apple Acres, tryin' to talk poor Big Mac's head off."

"Heh... for real?"

"Always yappin' on about some prissy thang or another, as if that's somehow the way ya get on the good side of a handsome stallion. Tartarus, he never did get as far as a first date with any of those fat-pursed yahoos."

"Yeesh. Someone's really protective of her brother."

"I guess I can't help it, even if Big Mac can bench-press me and every marefriend he's almost had all in one go."

"Makes me wonder why you haven't given Fluttershy the third degree yet."

"Hahahaha! Are ya kiddin'? Dear ol' Fluttershy? I'm more scared for her than for Big Mac!"

"If you say so..."

"Heheheh... huh?"

"Uhhh..."

"Wait, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Can we... uh... get back to t-talking about how 'mysterious' I am again?"

"No, dun change the subject again! What's Fluttershy got that I should be a-feared of?"

"Nothing! She's sweet! She's dainty! She's got tail for days!"

"Beg yer pardon?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh—I mean she's demure! I'm pretty sure that she would... n-never try pulling... a f-fast one on your... big, soft-spoken, totally-not-beta-in-anyway brother..."

"... ... ..."

"... ... ..."

"... ... ...reckon I'm havin' a long talk with Big Mac when I'm gettin' back home."

"Ugh. Great. What have I done."

"Heheheh... I'm only pullin' yer leg, Rainbow. I'm concerned about Big Mac, but not stupidly so."

"Oh. Good. Whew."

"Besides... it's not like it's some other marefriend who's rubbing muzzles with him."

"Hah! That'd be a laugh. Could you imagine Rarity dragging Big Mac out shopping? Or Twilight Sparkle lecturing him on the chemical composition of apple breeds or somecrap?"

"Heheheheh!"

"Or Pinkie Pie throwing him a party every friggin' morning! 'Hip hip hooray! It's the We've Been Steady For Twenty-Four More Hours' party!'"

"Heh! Yeah! Or your tryin' to race the clumsy oaf down Ghastly Gorge! Whew—doggy! That'd be hilarious!"

"Ehhh... heh heh heh... yeah... (ulp)... h-hilarious..."

Wagon... Tails?

"So... erm... it's not really a big whoop, then?"

"Hmm? What isn't, Applejack?"

"You takin' so much time off from Banner Company? Or cloud kicking?"

"Pfft. Naaaaaah. We're cool, Applejack."

"Ya sure?"

"Positively frosty."

"I could pay ya, y'know."

"No, Applejack."

"I totally can! Sweet Apple Acres ain't exactly pinchin' the bit bag like we used to—"

"Applejack, no."

"But—"

"Look, will you friggin' let it rest?! I came on this trip because I wanted to see your cider business get a big break!"

"But we already done got a big break! With Fancy Pants and his associates! T'ain't like you had to sacrifice much on my behalf—"

"Do I look like the type of mare who would s-sacrifice stuff if I didn't need to?"

"Hmmmm..."

"Pffft! I'm awesomeness incarnate, girl! Why would I ever wanna harsh that kind of a buzz?!"

"Heh... you've got a point there."

"Dang straight I do!"

"Then what's so awesome about this here trip, hmmm?"

"Well... y'know..."

"Yeah...?"

"I... I get to see alligators. Maybe possibly."

"Heheheheh... Ohhhhhh Rainbow..."

"Possoms? I hear Fillyda's got tons of marsupials. Am I right?"

"I swear... all my life I've had mares and stallions call me a silly pony, but you—sugarcube—you take the cake."

"Could I take the pie instead."

"Hardy har har."

"Heheheh... you set yourself up for that one."

"Well, it's a nice change having you around."

"Is that so? Stu Leaves giving you a migraine?"

"I told you he does work at the farm a lot. I never said we were best friends."

"Really?"

"Nope."

"Well... heh... that's a relief."

"Come again?"

"Erm... uhhh... b-because he would just... d-distract you from apple bucking!"

"Distract me? From my apples?"

"... ... ...maybe?"

"You do remember who yer talkin' to, right?"

"Every single moment of every single day, AJ."

"Huh?"

"I mean. Yeah. Sure. I get it. Apples are your life."

"Stu Leaves means well. It's just that... sometimes... I think he means a little too well."

"Yeah, I get it."

"Get what?"

"He's like an excited little puppy that you feel bad for kicking in the face."

"You k-kick puppies in the face?!"

"For Celestia's sake, Applejack, I was being figurative!"

"Oh! Land's sakes... for a second there I thought I had to make a grim confession to Fluttershy."

"Nah. Pegasi can never be cruel to animals. It's in our blood to be stewards of the earth. Unless, of course, it comes to diamond dogs or basilisks. Those freaks can just go buck themselves."

"Come again?"

"Meh. Forget I said anything. Say, the sun's going down."

"Hmm... reckon it is."

"Should we find a place to call in a night cap?"

"Why, is somepony feelin' tired?"

"Well, I-I just figured that it might be a bad thing if we get stuck in the darkness."

"Heck, we both can manage against whatever nature throws at us. We're both Elements, after all."

"Heh. Good point. That's a very good point, actually."

"Besides, I reckon I'm enjoyin' this."

"Enjoying what?"

"Y'know, just walkin'. Talkin'. Shootin' the breeze as evening falls. Reminds me of old times."

"Old... times...?"

"Right. Right after Twilight showed up in town. Remember? We used to hang out all the time."

"We did?"

"Pffft. What, you've got the head of a goldfish or somethin', Rainbow? Honestly, it was only a year ago!"

"Yeesh... feels like a season and three shards ago."

"Huh?"

"You may be right about pegasus brains, Applejack. We kind of... live in the moment."

"Ah, okay."

"Or, y'know, the future."

"Well, I'm seein' a mighty rosy future."

"You... you are?"

"Yes, with this whole meeting with Shindig."

"Oh. Right. Of course."

"And assumin' all goes well... I reckon I'll have you to thank for it."

"Heh... don't you mean me and Stu?"

"Oh, Stu's helped, alright. But it was you who planted the idea of havin' some ponies along for the ride."

"Well, glad I could oblidge."

"For the life of me, I can't imagine how this trip would have gone on my lonesome. I wouldn't have covered this much ground, for one thang."

"Plus, you wouldn't have... h-had the chance to just chillax and chat with another pony about alligators, possoms, and pegasi with goldfish memories."

"Heheheheh... darn tootin'! Hahahah!"

"Eheheheheh..."

"Heh heh heh heh... whew..."

"... ... ...AJ?"

"Yeah, Rainbow?"

"If all goes well, and you do—y'know—make it big with Shindig's cider factory... uh... you'll come back to visit Ponyville lots, r-right?"

"Oh, Rainbow, I'm still on the fence about that."

"Still... on the fence?"

"Er, what I mean to say is, I-I can't rightly say whether I'd have to move elsewhere or just hire somepony to station her or himself down in Orlandoats permanently."

"Uh huh..."

"But I'll tell you this—I'll do my darnedest to make sure I stay back in Ponyville with you and the girls. Home is where the heart is, after all."

"Right... home..."

"But, if I pass Shindig's examination or what-have-you, odds are something is going to change. For the best, of course."

"Of course."

"Eeyup..."

"... ... ...Hey, maybe you can send Stu Leaves down to Orlandoats permanently."

"Awwwww shucks."

"He can be your permanent orange commander! Deep Orange Nine! Emmissary to citrus everywhere!"

"Heheheh... oh Celestia, help me... yer silly."

"Yeah... s-so I've heard..."

Nuttyturnals

"Ughhhh... gosh!" Stu Leaves stretched his legs and feathers from where he stood in the back of the dormant wagon. As the flicker of a campfire splashed across his smiling face, he hopped down and trotted limply across the grass. "Well, looks like I was out for a century and a half."

"Way to go, partner," Applejack droned. She smirked as she added a few twigs to the glowing fire beside the parked wagon at night. "You done got all yer sleep over with. Now it's nighttime!"

"Just my luck," Stu sighed. "Heck, maybe I'll catch up on some reading."

Rainbow squinted from where she was rolling her sleeping bag out. "You brought a book with you?"

"Yeah!" Stu Leaves grinned. "Green Hoof's Almanac to Proper Farming! I never leave home without it!"

Applejack chuckled. "Ya mean ever since you arrived at Ponyville and checked it out from Twilight's library you've never parted ways with it."

"Hey! So what if I wanna settle a homestead of my own somewhere?"

"You?" Rainbow gawked. "You want to live on a farm?"

"Well, Ponyville is an earth pony village, after all. I figure it's the only real way to do long-term business."

"Oh." Rainbow blinked. "So you're in Ponyville to stay."

"Yeah! Isn't that great?" Stu Leaves blinked. "I mean... that was obvious, wasn't it? I thought I told everypony."

"Ya told me, Stu," Applejack muttered, stifling a yawn as she trotted across the way to her sleeping bag. "I doubt you told Rainbow Dash."

"So, like, why are you ditching Cloudsdale for Ponyville?" Rainbow Dash remarked.

"Heh... why did you?" Stu winked. "Just because we have wings doesn't mean we can't commune with the earth."

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash blinked. "Uh huh."

"Ya gotta be good at plowin' first, ya noodle," Applejack said.

"Hey! I'm working on it! I'm working on it!" Stu chuckled as he wandered to the back of the wagon. "It's not like your big brother ever relinquishes his plow long enough for me to practice with it!"

"Hah! Good luck with that! There ain't no splittin' Big Mac up with Ol' Betsy!"

"Oh, for Luna's sake." Stu Leaves rolled his eyes and chuckled. "You name your plow. You name your orchards. You name our left and right rear legs. Is there anything you don't name?"

"Yeah. Trespassin' varmints tryin' to get his mangy hooves on our family plow."

"Hey." Stu Leaves pointed. "You didn't hear me say nothin'."

"Heheh... but you was thinkin' it."

"Impossible." He pulled a thick tome out of his backpack. "I'm in read zone right now."

"Heh, good luck with that," Applejack said. "Just don't keep the fire too bright while RD and I are catchin' Z's. Yer liable to become nocturnal at this rate."

"Yeah." Stu sat on the edge of the wagon, flipping through the pages while crickets sang in the background. "I'm a regular bat pony."

"Don't you mean a sarosian?" Rainbow muttered.

Stu looked up, blinking. "Huh?"

Rainbow bit her lip, swiftly ducking down into the velvety insulation of her sleeping bag. "Er... f-forget it. Not important."

"Heh... if you say so..."

Rainbow Dash turned around three times before plopping down inside the cushioned comfiness with a serene sigh. "Ehhhhyyeahhhhhh..." She shut her eyes, allowing the ambient sounds of night to lull her to a faraway place.

Just then, though, she was jolted awake by a fussing sound.

"Ugh... gul-durn it! This thang is full of tangles..."

"Need help over there, AJ?" Stu muttered from his book-reading.

"Nothing you can fix. Don't sweat it." Applejack suddenly yanked her red hair ribbon loose in one fell swoop. A full swath of golden silk fountained loosely around her neck and shoulders, settling like a platinum cloud in the starlight. "Just behind on a few brushstrokes, is all."

"Heh, I hear ya."

Rainbow Dash looked... then looked harder. Her pupils enlarged, positively sparkling. Her petite body shook and flounced with each heavy heartbeat as she sat up in her sleeping bag, eyes locked on the angelic visage across the firelight form her. "Oh..." She cooed... almost drooled. "...my Celestia..."

Applejack had her back turned, not like it would make any difference. Pulling each strand of golden hair out at length blinded her to the world behind her beautiful head. With very methodical, unexpectedly graceful strokes of a hoof-brush, she rid each lock of golden hair of its tangles and twists. There were very few—if any—moments when she had to fuss or struggle with a knot. Everything was like liquid gold, melting further and forther around the mare's strong, supple shoulders.

All things considered, this was the first time Rainbow had ever seen Applejack's mane completely undone. She had seen it braided, even perm'd in an old photo from the farm filly's foalhood vacation to Manehattan... but never let down. For all of Rainbow's dumstruck awe, she never ever conceived that Applejack's mane would be that long. It even gave Fluttershy a run for the money in terms of length and shine. Rainbow imagined that, even with the campfire extinguished, Applejack's head would stand out like a radiant beacon in the middle of the expansive darkness. And she wasn't even remotely done with her motions.

"Hmmmmmm..." Rainbow Dash's body curled into a fetal position inside her sleeping bag. She nuzzled the felt insides, sniffling, imagining she was swimming her way through that golden sea, head-first. "Yeahhhh..." She purred, cheeks rosy under the veil of a nippy evening. "...I can dream to that."

Applejack heard nothing, said nothing. She simply existed, and did so gorgeously.

Rainbow was afraid the mare would stop brushing her mane before she fell asleep. So she sealed the image by closing her eyes, and drifted off with the happiest of fuzzy smiles...

This Is Why They Closed Down River Country

"Mmmmmm..."

Rainbow quivered.

"Hrmmmm..."

Rainbow stirred.

"Grnnnh... hhhhtt..."

Slowy, inch by twitching inch, the petite pegasus woke up. She turned over in her sleeping bag, a tiny smile on her face. Her ears twitched pleasantly in the warm morning glow. At last, her lips pursed.

"I... I wish..."

She yawned, then sighed with a dreamy coo.

"I wish I—" Suddenly, her eyes exploded, and she slapped a pair of hooves over her muzzle before she could say the last three. "!!!" Shivering, she glanced left.

Applejack's sleeping bag was empty.

In a jolt, she glanced right.

The wagon was empty; Stu Leaves was gone.

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash exhaled wheezingly, her whole body lying limp, eyes squinting up at the gray sky. "That was too... too close." She shut her eyes, catching her breath. Stirring, she brought a hoof up to her muzzle and gave it a tiny rub. "Mmmm... grnnngh..." Her eyes fluttered open as she rubbed her face some more. "Grff... not fuzzy enough..."

Eventually, using her wings as tripods, Rainbow pushed herself up into a sitting position. She winced, flexing one forelimb, then the other. The world suddenly felt like a numb dream, and her nerves tingled in random places.

"Dang it," she muttered. "Noir shoulda bought me an entire truckload."

With a lethargic breath, she stood up—almost immediately falling on her dull limbs. Fighting off a low-pitched grumble, she flapped her wings and hovered limply towards the wagon. Once there, she fought and fumbled to open her personal saddlebag with numb hooves.

"I can get by with just half a jar, right?" she muttered to herself. "I mean, that should be enough. Not like I'm gonna be cartwheeling across the Mareson-Dixie Line." Suddenly, she paused, remembering how long she had been pulling the cart along with Applejack the previous day. "Then again."

Nevertheless, she opened the bag and reached for the first of several large, sloshing jars. She was just about to open it when she paused, ears twitching involuntarily. With a nervous slump, she dropped the jar back into the bag and spun around, mouth agape.

"Wait a second..." Her brow furrowed. "Just where are AJ and Stu...?"

Rainbow Dash flew a long distance from the wagon. The previous day, she had only been paying attention to Applejack and her words. It suddenly occurred to her that she hadn't made any legitimate attempt to get her bearings before the group settled for the night. Now, as the morning sun glittered across tree after tree, she was just starting to survey a thin thicket of woods bordering the side of the country highway.

"Applejack?" she stammered, hovering slowly as she glanced down both lines of trees flanking her. "AJ...?"

All that answered was rustling leaves and birdsong. A low mist hung over the grass at a distance, casting an eerie sheen over the forestscape.

"Come on, Applejack. This is totally uncool." She frowned in mid-wing-flap. "It's totally not like you to bail on a camp site." She gulped, mewling: "Is it...?"

More silence.

Rainbow Dash shuddered, hugging herself in midair. "I swear, if they got eaten by a Manticore, Stu Leaves had better have gotten swallowed first," she grumbled. "So AJ could use his thick skull as a drill to burst out of the stomach."

At last, something echoed against the tree trunks. It was a giggling sound, bright and mischievous.

Rainbow spun about, ears perked. "AJ...?"

She flew towards the sound. Soon enough, the giggling intensified.

"Applejack?" Rainbow craned her neck. "What the hay, girl?" She panted, strung between relief and confusion. "You could warn a mare before you run off like—"

"Heh heh heh! I mean it, Stu! Cut it out!" A splashing sound. "Ya dag blame'd fool! Yer askin' for it!"

Rainbow stopped dead in her aerial tracks, eyebrow twitching. "Apple... j-jack...?"

More splashing. "Stu! Land's sakes, stop grabbin' them!" Splish-splash. "Heheheh... reckon there's no stoppin' a stallion when he's got his mind on somethin'."

Rainbow grimaced, but soon that grimace turned into a frown. Sneering, she buzzed her wings into a full blur and shot ahead.

Half a second later, she burst through a line of trees and hovered high, shouting. "Okay, Stu Leaves! You heard the mare! Knock it..." She blinked. "...off?"

Before her, a pond lay, surrounded by fruit trees. Applejack's hat and hair ribbons rested along the shore, and the farm filly herself was wading neck-deep in the crystal-clear water. It so happened that she was alone.

Stu Leaves, on the other hand, was several feet away, hovering, and completely dry. He had several peaches collected in the crook of one hoof, and he was reaching his other hoof up to a tree branch to pluck several more loose.

Both the stallion and the mare were gawking at Rainbow and her entrance.

"What... huh...?" Rainbow stammered.

"Heh..." Stu Leaves fidgeted awkwardly. "I guess I know when I'm outnumbered."

"The hay is going on here?" Rainbow's voice cracked.

"Well, I haven't had a rinse in several days." Applejack shrugged, splashing water. She smiled with wet, glistening freckles. "Then I found this here pond, and I figured 'No time like the present!'"

Rainbow glared. "You just spontaneously decided to go skinny-dipping."

"Why not? It's in my blood!" Applejack backstroked, a relaxed expression on her slick orange face. "Granny Smith was the river-divin' champion of Ponyville, don'tcha know!"

"Uhhhhhhh..."

"Just havin' a relaxin' morning rinse!" Applejack came to a stop, then frowned Stu's way. "Or at least I would be if somepony wasn't crusin' for a bruisin'!"

"Come on, Applejack." Stu Leaves rolled his eyes as he plucked another fruit. "They're just peaches!"

"They're wild peaches, ya dumb varmint!"

"It's not like anypony owns them or anything!" Stu smirked. "I'm just curious!"

"There's no tellin' if they're poisonous or not!" Applejack grumbled, treading water. "At the very least, they could be filled with bugs or uneatable seeds or—"

Stu Leaves chuckled and chuckled harder.

Applejack groaned. "What's got ya brayin' like a cockeyed donkey now?"

"I just think you loathe any fruit that's not an apple!"

"I do not!" Applejack frowned, folding her forelimbs with a pout. "Why, some of my best relatives even resort to peddlin' oranges!"

"'Resort to peddling oranges?'" Stu giggle-snorted. "AJ, do you even hear yourself?!"

"So what?"

"I wanna get into the fruit-planting business someday! Says so in my almanac that it helps to have an open mind!" He winked. "Would it really kill me to sample some peaches?"

"No, but I might kill you!" Applejack growled.

"Hahahahaha!"

"Nnnnngh..." Rainbow Dash slumped in midair, rubbing a hoof across her forehead. "Seriously? This is what you guys ditched the campsite for?"

"Why, is something wrong?" Stu asked.

Rainbow Dash didn't even give the stallion the satisfaction of a sideways glance.

"Awwwwwww... lighten up, sugarcube." Applejack stroked her way to the pond's edge and smiled up at her. "We didn't say nothin' cuz you were sleepin' all peaceful-like. You did do an awful lot of wagon trotting yesterday, after all."

"Yeah, well..."

"We could tell you were dead tired too," Stu Leaves said.

"Yeah?" Rainbow glared. "Why's that?"

He blinked. "... ... ...because of the snoring, of course."

"Gotta hoof it to ya, Rainbow." Applejack shook her head, chuckling. "Yer a regular locomotive."

Rainbow fidgeted. "Yeah, well..." She gulped. "Could be worse," she murmured to the wind.

"Why don'tcha hop in, Rainbow?" Applejack gestured. "The water's fine!"

"Meh. If I want a good rinse, I'll just kick up a rain cloud."

"Heh... reckon I don't blame you." Applejack sighed as she slowly trotted out of the pond, her lithe body dripping all over with wet beads of moisture. "While I'm happy n'all to get the muck of country travel off, now I've got a full hour of hair-dryin' and mane-brushin' to deal with." With a breathy sigh, she tossed her golden threads back, so that they settled in golden swaths around her soaked neck. She smirked—freckle full—into the golden glow of dawn. "And I just brushed this dang thing out last night. Ah well. Rainbow, I know this sounds mighty silly, but I dun suppose you could lend a hoof with gettin' my mane straight this morning? That way we could set out on the road faster—"

SPLOOOOSH! Rainbow Dash plunged like a torpedo into the shallow pond.

"Whoah nelly!" Applejack jumped.

"Gaah!" Stu Leaves flailed from the splattering droplets. He dropped half of his peaches.

Seconds later, Rainbow burst to the surface with a gasp. She bobbed up and down, shivering with a crooked smile. "Say... this water is niiiiiiiiiiice and cold, isn't it?" A nervous giggle, and she dunked herself again. "Blblblbbblbbbb-yeahhhh... nice and cold and... cold."

Heads Up

Rainbow flew and flew and flew and flew and flew in tiny circles, kicking up a tiny whirlwind. At last, she came down, hovering on moist feathers. She brought a hoof up to her mane, feeling if whether or not it was sufficiently dry. It was hard to tell with how numb her limb was by that point, but the ends of her bangs weren't dripping anymore, so that was a good sign at least.

"So..." Stu Leaves rolled up his sleeping bag and tied it up before throwing it into the parked wagon. "...if we head down the Main Highway and exit onto Shermane Drive, it should take us all the way to the heart of Atlantrot."

"Yes, and?" Applejack sat on a log, brushing her golden glistening hair straight. Once she was satisfied, she held a red ribbon in her teeth and began bunching the end of her long-long mane up. "Mrrrmmff... It'll get blocked up before we even reach downtown. It's a slower route."

"The whole point is to find a place to stay in Atlantrot overnight, right?" Stu Leaves smirked. "I've got my relative's friend in the city! Who cares if we get held up a bit! She'll get us a room to stay in her hotel without having to wait in line!"

"Ya mean it's already reserved?"

"Absolutely!" Stu Leaves trotted over with a smirk. "Would I lie to you?"

"Heh... reckon yer not clever enough to even test my Hadar."

"...'Hadar?'"

"Yeah... y'know... 'Honesty Radar!'"

"Well, it sounds like you're saying 'Haydar.'"

"Pfft. What's yer point?"

"Well, the 'H' in 'Honesty' is silent and the way you're saying it—"

"For pony's sake, Stu, it's just a sayin'! Big Mac made it up! Not me!"

"Ha! Well that explains it!"

"Heheheh..." Applejack reached back and looped the end of her mane through the ribbon, tying it into a fuzzy blonde nub. "Reckon ya got a point there."

"Here, AJ." Stu Leaves reached down for her hat in the grass. "Lemme help you with—"

"Don't!" Applejack barked, even making Rainbow jolt from afar.

Stu leaned back, blinking.

Applejack winced. "Erm... wh-what I mean is..." She plucked the hat off the ground, held it to herself, and sighed through a tired smile. "Thanks, Stu. That's mighty neighborly of ya." She slowly slid it onto her head. "But t'ain't necessary. I'm no damsel."

He shook his jittery head. "Of course not. But I don't see how... erm... what I mean is..." He fidgeted, gulped, then bore a nervous smile. "I-I'll draw the wagon first today!" He trotted off. "Assuming we're ready to take off!"

"Y'all assume right!" Applejack said. She sat on the log with a slump, gazing off into the woods.

Slowly, Rainbow made her way over, hovering just above the mare. "Sooooo..." She smiled nervously. "Guess the skinny-dipping realllly woke you up this morning, huh?"

"Hmmmm?" Applejack glanced up. Her freckles curved into a soft smile. "Ah shoot, Rainbow. Ya know how I feel about this here trip." She reached up and tucked a few bangs underneath her hat. "I've got a whole future ridin' on it."

"Yeah..." Rainbow nodded, eyes squinting. "Sure."

"I see you got yer hair all dry."

"Uh huh."

"Hmmmph..." Applejack smirked. "Figures. Y'know, sometimes I envy pegasi."

Rainbow raised an eyebrow.

"Only when it comes to hair-dryin'!" Applejack waved a hoof while chuckling. "I wouldn't trade bein' an earth pony for a sec."

"I wouldn't trade you either," Rainbow said. She gulped and smiled awkwardly.

"Whelp..." Applejack sat up, stretching her muscles. "Nnnngh... reckon we best be on our way. I wouldn't say it directly to Stu's face, but I'm mighty thankful he's takin' the reins first today. My legs could use a breather."

"So you can buck the heck out of Shindig's apple trees, right?"

"Heh... sure, why not."

"Yeah..." Rainbow rubbed her two forelimbs together, glancing forty-five degrees away from Applejack. "Say... uh... AJ?"

"Hmmm? Yes, Rainbow?"

"You were just kidding around earlier, right?"

Applejack glanced at her. "Kidding around?"

"Y'know..." Rainbow bit her lip. "...when you asked me to help you with your hair?"

Applejack blinked. "Oh... Ohhhh!" She chuckled. "Reckon I forgot who I was talkin' to. Nah, I wouldn't put you through such a thang."

"Er... r-right..." Rainbow nod-nod-nodded. "Cuz... y'know, I sooooo hate mane styling."

"Darn-straight."

"Still..." Rainbow blinked. "I wasn't aware you... fussed over your hair so much."

"Ain't fussin', Rainbow. I mean... shoot... I'm no Rarity. But it helps to present oneself as professional-like." She smirked. "In the end, farm or no farm, I am a businesspony, after all."

"Heh... yeah..."

"You'd understand if you were in a line of work that didn't involve cloud-kickin' and deliverin'. Although, I guess you do get stuck with the—"

"I'm no fan of the yellow apron."

"Heheh... I dun think anypony in Ponyville is. Not even the owners of Banner Company."

"I know, right?"

"Heheheh... So, no sense in you fussin' over anythang. Now there's somethin' to envy." Applejack blinked. Suddenly, her eyes narrowed as she gazed at the top of Rainbow's head. "Still... if I had a mane as colorful as yers..."

Rainbow blinked. She brought a hoof to her bangs, her eyes tilting up in their sockets. "Uhhhh... what about it?" Silence. "AJ?" She looked ahead.

"Nevermind..." Applejack was already several feet away, carrying her sleeping bag into the back of the wagon. "Stu, we ready or ain't we?"

"Just about! Let's get this show on the road!"

"Heheh... yeeeha!"

"But... but..." Rainbow stammered, feeling her heart bouncing confusedly across the walls of her insides. "What about my mane...?"

The wagon wheels started turning.

"You comin', Rainbow?" Applejack's voice warbled through the morning air.

With a shuddering sigh, Rainbow Dash flew after the two on stiff wings. "You have no idea, girl," she muttered.

Better Than Spidermare

"So, apparently, they're going to turn it into a stage play!" Stu Leaves said.

"Hmmm?" Applejack looked up from the unfolded map in her grasp. She glanced down at Stu as he pulled the wagon. "Come again? Reckon I wasn't listenin'."

"Heh... we're not lost, Applejack," Stu said. "This is the only way into Atlantrot." He raised a hoof long enough to gesture at the other wagon-drawing ponies clogging up the highway both coming and going. "Now, if you're worried about the traffic—"

"No, I'm just... erm... tryin' to figure a route to take south to Central Fillyda when we're done stayin' at yer family friend's place."

"Can't you worry about that tomorrow afternoon?" Stu smirked. "Relax, Applejack! I hear Atlantrot's a busy city!"

"Yeah, but I just wanna be prepared for when—"

"And we are prepared! Fussing over the same thing over and over again isn't going to get us there any faster!"

"Nnnngh..." Applejack folded the map in a heap and folded her forelimbs, pouting. "Why can't y'all just lemme fret when I'm in the mood for frettin'?"

Stu Leaves chuckled. "Well, that's what you get for bringing your friends along." He craned his neck back. "Isn't that right, Rainbow Dash?"

The pegasus stood hunched in the back of the wagon, pouring herself a cup of Zecora's brew using half a jar. "Hrmmph..." She grumbled, muttering in a low voice. "Only one of us is a friend here..." She didn't mean to, but somehow all she did was make herself wince from the implications of that sentence.

"What was that?"

"Ahem..." Rainbow Dash tilted her head back. "Stu's right, for once, AJ. Can you please stop stressing over Shindig? It's starting to get annoying."

"I ain't stressin'!"

Stu blinked. "But you just said—"

"Frettin' is different from stressin'! It's... y'know... like a much more professional kind of worryin'! All subtle like!"

"You mean like how your fashionista friend does?"

"Nah, what Rarity does is 'whinin'."

"Define 'whining.' Is it anything like complaining?"

"Will you guys talk about something else already?!" Rainbow barked, rolling her eyes. "Goddess! Like there aren't enough bumps in this friggin' wagon to give me a headache!"

Stu winced, smiling sheepishly.

Applejack exhaled with a warm smirk. "Alrighty, fine. What were you sayin' about some sort of a stage play just now?"

"They've already got a theatre reserved in downtown Manehattan." Stu smirked. "'The Horse Heroine of Deerfolk!' A really eccentric minotaur named Iron Will is technical advisor. Apparently it's going to be a musical dramatizing the events that unfolded in a diamond dog mine far northeast of Ponyville!"

"Uhhh... what event are ya talkin' about?"

"Y'know, for a country mare, you really don't get out much."

"Well, excuuuuuse me, Stu, for not having wings!"

"Heheheh..." Stu winked and looked ahead. "I'm only teasing. Nah, seriously, though—it's an amazing story! One pony single-hoofedly saved a whole bunch of deer and goats and gazelle who were imprisoned by a marauding band of diamond dog slave-masters!"

"No kiddin'! And yer sayin' this minotaur was there at the time?"

"Yeah. He's been on a crusade for Celestia-knows-how long to find the mysterious mare-do-well who came down into the tunnels and put her neck on the line for everyone in those dank cages. He's hoping that, through this stage performance, he can raise enough money and awareness to make his search complete!"

"Ya mean he hasn't found her yet?"

"Nope." Stu Leaves shook his head. "The heroine was never found."

"Well, shucks. That's downright sad! How in the heck do you make a musical out of that?"

"Heheh... well, Applejack, all things considered—it was a victorious thing that happened. Several deer were able to reunite with their families because of her sacrificial actions!"

"Yeah, but... a musical?"

Suddenly, a mule trotting alongside their wagon spoke up. "Wait? What musical?"

Stu Leaves looked over, grinning proudly. "'The Horse Heroine of Deerfolk!'"

"Ooooh! I love that story!" The mule grinned, pulling a wagon full of pickle barrels. "I reserved tickets for my wife and I! I know it's only three months from now before production starts, but I'll be damned if I miss out on the best dramatization since Hinny in the Hills!"

"Hey! Northerners represent!" Stu Leaves reached out and hoof-bumped him. "Yeah, if I had more bits on me, I'd zip on over to Manehattan and order some tickets for myself too!" He turned and winked back at the cabin. "And maybe one or two more to spare. Heheheh."

"Now there's a fancy idea..." Applejack tilted the brim of her hat and leaned back. "How 'bout that, Dash?" She glanced over her shoulder. "Ya fancy goin' to see a play about a flank-kicking mare saving deer?"

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow Dash gulped, hugging the cup to her chest as she sealed the jar up with another hoof. "I... m-might have to take a rain check."

"Awwwww... what's the matter, Rainbow? Figured the subject matter would be right up yer alley, assumin' Stu Leaves is on the dot and all. I mean... that sure does sound like an excitin' story!"

Rainbow Dash shuddered, lifting the cup up to her lips with numb hooves. "You have no idea..." The wagon shook, and she splashed her muzzle accidentally with the quaff. Her eyes rolled. "Ohhhhhhhhh..."

What Eats You, Applejack?

Rainbow Dash flexed and unflexed her hooves from where she hovered alongside the wagon. To her relief, the tingling sensation was gone, and she felt every inch of her coat with full senses. After a deep breath, she smirked to herself.

"Yeah... that'll do for a while..." She glanced to her right. "How about giving those legs of yours a rest, Stu?"

"Nah..." Stu shook his head. "After sleeping like a lazy ass all day yesterday? No thank you." He immediately winced, then glanced to the side. "Ahem... No offense."

A pair of donkeys two wagons down chuckled. "None taken."

"Just try and put a lid on it when yer in the streets of Antlantrot! For yer own good, city slicker!"

Stu gulped and nodded ahead. "Duly noted."

"You sure about that, though, Stu?" Rainbow glanced around, fidgeting nervously with her hooves as she studied the thick crowd of wagon-carriers funneling down the highway. "It's getting pretty congested here."

"If yer feelin' crowded, Rainbow, you can go n'fly ahead if ya want. Stretch yer wings." Applejack smiled sweetly. "Nopony will blame ya. Besides, you've been mighty patient and helpful these past two days."

"Yeah." Stu nodded. "Applejack and I will be find by ourselves—"

FWOOOOSH! Plop! Rainbow Dash was suddenly sitting by Applejack's side. "NothanksI'mgood." She smiled, twitching slightly. "So... uhm..." She blinked at Applejack. "...how are the apples?"

"They're... ... ..." Applejack squinted. "... ... ...juicy."

"Y'know, Applejack, I was thinking..." Stu Leaves licked the inside of his mouth as his brow furrowed. "Isn't it true that Shindig's been through a bunch of applicants before she came to you?"

"Heh... yeah, I get it, Stu." Applejack blew a tuft of blonde bangs out from over her forehead. "Invitin' a farmer from Sweet Apple Acres is scrapin' the bottom of the barrel."

"No! No!" He frowned. "That's not what I mean at all!"

"Then just what are ya getting at?"

"If you'd let me speak."

Applejack sighed and waved at him.

"Ahem." Stu Leaves tilted his head aside. "From what you told me, Shindig's invited a lot of potential new owners to come and see the cider factory. Like... over twelve of them."

"Uh huh..."

"Isn't that a little bit strange? I mean, I hear she's an old... old mare, getting on in her years and all. Seems like she'd be wise enough to go about this a bit more... how should I put it...?"

"Professionally?" Applejack smirked. "Why do ya think she's lookin' for a new pony to own the factories in the first place, huh? When a pony's gettin' on in her years, sometimes she needs a bit of help from the outside. Take it from me. I love my Granny to death, but she can be really stubborn sometimes when it comes to askin' for health. T'ain't out of the ordinary for her to go about it flank-over-elbow, ya feel me?"

Rainbow spoke up. "You think Shindig doesn't even know what she wants?"

"I doubt she's that far gone, Rainbow." Applejack shrugged. "If nothin' else, she's feelin' mighty protective over her factories and her citrus. And y'know what? I rightly dun blame her. From what I've learned, the mare's put her whole life and family fortune into managin' that farm down in Orlandoats. T'ain't easy givin' it up, no matter which way you look at it." She sighed with a sudden somber expression. "I must say, a few times I've wondered about when the day comes that I grow old... and I'll be havin' to give up Sweet Apple Acres." She slowly shook her head. "It won't be easy. Reckon I'd be puttin' hundreds of ponies to the test before I so much as hoof over one single apple sprout."

"What... m-makes you think you'd be giving up Sweet Apple Acres, AJ?"

"Heh... oh Rainbow..." Applejack shook her head. "It ain't important."

"No. Come on. Out with it."

"Yeah." Stu nodded. "I wanna know too?"

"It's just..." Applejack squinted into the distance. "...Big Mac's found a new lurve in his life. He's a good farmhoof, but I've always known his heart's never been in it. It's just waitin' all this time to be swept away somewhere."

"Oh please..." Rainbow Dash smirked. "Knowing Fluttershy, she'd move to the farm in a flash." She blinked. "Erm... I-I mean, if it ever gets that serious."

Applejack was already chuckling. "And what, leave all her animals behind at the cottage?" She winked slyly. "I know Fluttershy's yer lifelong friend'n'all, but you should know better."

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth, but had nothing to say. She shrank in her seat, shoulders bunching around her chin.

"What of Apple Bloom?" Stu Leaves spoke up. "Now there's a green hoof!"

"The filly's got too much of Ponyville in her. I wouldn't doubt it if she wanted to move in with the Oranges in Manehattan someday," Applejack said. "Much like I tried to. Only, reckon she won't be tethered to the farm quite so tightly. And, y'know what? That's fine. I'm not about to decide for her."

"You don't know that for sure, Applejack," Rainbow Dash said. "I mean, about Apple Bloom and all."

"Whatever the case, I ain't denyin' the possibility." Applejack shrugged, adjusting the hat on her head. "I aim to make Sweet Apple Acres the best dang farmland in all of Equestria, even until the day I die. I'll deal with everythang else as it comes."

"Yeah, but... giving up the farm after all that?!" Rainbow Dash smirked. "Jeez, Applejack, how do you figure?"

"Heheheh... Ohhhhhhh Rainbow." Applejack sighed, gazing off into the rolling treescape beyond the highway. "Who will I even have to hoof the land to?"

"Pfft? Who would you..." Rainbow Dash's smirk faded. She blinked at the mare, her ears twitching.

"I live for my work, and my work is me." Applejack smiled. "I'm a proud member of the Apple Family. But, let's face it, I'm only ever gonna be just that one member. A loyal daughter and sister through and through."

Rainbow Dash gulped, her wings drooping at her side as she gazed dully at the ground rushing beneath them.

"Oh, Applejack." Stu Leaves was chuckling, glancing back with a soft smile. "Don't talk like that. I'm sure you're going foal lots and lots of kids before you head to pasture."

"Y-yeah..." Rainbow Dash gulped, hugging herself with a slight shiver. "What h-he said."

"Heh..." Applejack sighed with a calm smile. "The years are goin' by, Stu. A mare knows when to just settle for what she's got. Especially when work is so important to her. And is. To me, I mean."

"Yes, but to live on that farm all by yourself? Growing old alone? That's crazy talk!"

"Ain't crazy. Just... when I think of Shindig..." Applejack shrugged. "I see a smidgeon of myself."

"Who says Shindig doesn't have any kids?"

"Doesn't she?"

"And you don't want any? Like... ever?" Stu squinted up at her. "With the loving and wholesome heart that you've got?"

Applejack's lips pursed. A sigh escaped her lips as she slumped back in the seat. "Celestia help me..." She played with the end of her ponytail, gazing into the distance. "Havin' a littl'n around to cuddle would be mighty fine. Like the dolls I had when I was a filly..." A slight breathy giggle. "Only I could treat it and raise it right, like my folks always meant to do with me." She closed her eyes, inhaling and exhaling. "But... when will I ever find the time? With how rapidly things have been goin'? And all for the best, too. I... I really can't ask for much more than I've been giving."

"Heh... well we gotta do something about that attitude, AJ!" Stu Leaves said in a pleasant voice. "I mean, you've got friends in your life, and you find time for all of them, right?"

"Well, of course!"

"So how's having kids any different? No friend like a little one whom you can shape into a pony who'll make even better friends. Hehehe... at least that was always my folks' feeling."

"Oh lawd..." Applejack rolled her eyes, giggling. "Yer a silly one, Stu."

"Yeah, but am I right or am I right?"

Applejack merely smirked.

Rainbow Dash gulped. She turned towards Applejack and opened her mouth to say something—

"Don't look now..." Stu said in a jubilant tone. "...but a beautiful city awaits."

Applejack leaned forward, whistling. "Well, will ya look at that?"

Rainbow Dash turned, gazing ahead of them with glazed eyes. A series of sky-stabbing spires reflected off her eyes, set against mountains and dull green tree tops. "Huh... hello, Atlantrot."

What Eats You, Rainbow?

The City of Atlantrot was a vibrant, bustling place. Or at least it sounded that way. Rainbow Dash kept her head bowed the whole time they entered, staring at the dirt and asphalt passing beneath the wagon while Stu Leaves pulled them into the heart of the grand maretropolis. She heard the rattle of carriages and the distant shouts of pedestrians as they made their way past several tall buildings and green, woolly gardens.

"Land's sakes! I never knew a place this huge could be... be..."

"Snazzy?"

"Reckon 'beautiful' is the word I was lookin' for, Stu," Applejack said.

"Heh. Compared to what?"

"Well, Manehattan, for one."

"But that city dwarfs this one."

"Still, what's their excuse? I can tell that a lot of time and effort went into prettifyin' this place."

"And since when were you so big on 'prettifying,' Applejack?"

"Just cuz I dun bother to do it all the time myself dun mean I can't appreciate, ya hear?"

"Heh... oh I hear. But still." Stu Leaves smirked as he pulled the wagon full of cider across an intersection. "You've been to Canterlot multiple times, haven't you?"

"Eeyup. Bein' an Element of Harmony sorta requires that. Heh."

"Isn't that a gorgeous city? I mean, the Princess lives there."

"Oh, I reckon. But it ain't nearly as big as Atlantrot. Now I know that for a fact!"

"You sure? Canterlot's pretty big."

"It's built into the side of a mountain, Stu. They dun have much room to work with. What—you've never done a flyby?"

"Direct flights over Canterlot Castle are prohibited."

"Huh... Is that a fact?"

"Totally! It's Royal Airspace, y'know? I'm surprised Rainbow hasn't told you."

"Rainbow, is it true that y'all pegasi ain't allowed to fly over Princess Celestia's rooftop?"

"Mrmmmf..." Rainbow sat in a slump, hugging herself.

Applejack blinked. "Sooooo... is that a 'yes' or a 'no?'"

"Yes!" Stu Leaves beamed.

"Hmmm?" Applejack looked over. "So suddenly yer Rainbow Dash, now?"

"No, I mean check it!" Stu pointed across the next intersection. A five story building with stone masonry loomed, dwarfed by several of the bigger scrapers flanking it. "That's it! The hotel that my friend runs! Our friend, now, all things considered."

"Well, don't it look cute right next to all the steel monoliths?" Applejack chuckled. "I didn't know just how old fashion it was gonna be."

"Well, Atlantrot is an old city," Stu said, pulling them across the crowded lane, waiting occasionally for a passing stagecoach or two to roll by. "I know they've scaled up and all, but some places here are pushing two hundred years old!"

"Pfft..." Applejack waved a hoof. "That ain't nothin'! Canterlot's a few thousand years old, easily."

"Well... that's relatively old," Stu said. "You gotta remember that most of the southern provinces are recently developed."

"No kiddin'...?"

"Heck, Fillyda was accepted into the Equestrian Kingdom barely seventy-five years ago! Most ponies who live there now are retirees or young entrepreneurs from the north."

"So, it's like a home-away-from home for strangers?"

"Heh... more or less. The culture's way different... or practically not there at all." Stu chuckled. "Fillyda's the only place in Equestria where you gotta go north to go South."

"Whew... you sure do know your geography."

Stu shrugged. "So maybe I was spending more time in the Cloudsdale Libray than in the clouds when I was a kid. I caught up." He smirked proudly. "I can still hold my own in a rainstorm." At last, he pulled the wagon to a stop in front of the establishment. "Ahhh... we're here!""

"Ya reckon yer friend of a friend of a family member to a family member is here?" Applejack asked.

"Only one way to find out." Stu unhitched himself from the wagon. He spoke above the clopping noise of coaches rolling up and down the immediate street. "I'll go in and get a look. Bet you'd want to stick around and watch the wagon."

"You bet right." Applejack leaned her head to the side. "Is there... uhm... a barn we can put this in overnight?"

Stu chuckled. "Applejack, there haven't been any barns since we passed through South Carolinegih."

The mare blushed slightly. "What kind of 'South' is this?"

"But don't worry. There should be a wagon port below the street. Basement level."

"Wagon port?"

"It's perfectly safe!" Stu smiled. "And we should have one reserved with the room!"

"Well, that's mighty nifty. Are ya goin' be a while?"

"Who knows? Probably."

"Right." Applejack glanced aside. She smiled at Rainbow Dash. "Rainbow, might be a good time to stretch yer wings. I know you've been waitin' all day."

"Hmmm? Oh... sure..." With a dull sigh, the pegasus lifted up, wings flapping.

Applejack blinked. "Be sure to... tell me how the sights are from up high."

"Yeah." She fluttered off, ears flicking. "Sure thing. Uhm... see ya."

Stu and Applejack watched her drift off.

"Huh..." Stu scratched his head. "...did I accidentally run over a puppy along the way here that I don't know about?"

"I can't say I've ever seen her so... sullen-like."

"Maybe she's not a fan of big crowded streets."

"Rainbow Dash?" Applejack slowly shook her head, lips pursed. "Can't say that's ever fazed her. I dun rightly know what's wrong."

"Well, I-I'd love to stick around and guess, but—"

"Right..." Applejack waved without looking, her eyes stuck towards the hazy skyline. A blue feathery figure disappeared amidst the urban haze. "You get to it. I'll just... stay here."

Dashed

Beyond the valley that cradled the city of Atlantrot, dull green mountains stretched, covered all over with thick foliage and trees. The air was crisp, but not too thin. Migrating birds flocked overhead, filling the atmosphere with song that rivaled the bustling roar that hissed off the streets below. All in all, it was a relatively charming urban portrait.

Rainbow Dash wasn't in the mood to drink any of it in.

Instead, she hovered limply over the lower skyscrapers of the city's southern end. Rich earth ponies stood on balcony gardens, drinking tea and talking over newspapers and stock reports. Upon first glance of the winged pony, the couldn't help but perform double-takes.

It occurred to Rainbow Dash that perhaps that city wasn't accustomed to wandering pegasi. It wasn't enough to distract her from her funk. With a deflating sigh, she flew across the street, found a particularly tall building, and nestled herself beneath its sky-jutting spire.

Brushing a hoof through her mane, she gazed south past rolling hills. Part of her wondered if she might see Central Fillyda from that height. A chilling thought entered her mind when she wondered just how much more difficult it would be to try and spot Orlandoats from Ponyville. The distance stretched further and further apart in her imagination, widening the gap in her already aching heart.

Nostrils flaring, she squatted low, resting a sullen muzzle on crossed forelimbs.

"I can give her everything," she mumbled into the cool air. "Awesomeness... radicalness... thrills beyond belief..."

Her ruby eyes traced the sky.

"I can win her cider... apples... business deals and bits out the fuzzy ears..."

A painful jolt ran through Rainbow's body, and she cringed.

"But... I can't..." She slowly shook her head as her eyes watered. "...I can't ever give her foals." She leaned her chin tighter against her fetlocks to keep from trembling. "Is that really... really such a big deal?" She sniffled, and she clenched her eyes shut. "And if so, why d-didn't I ever think of it before?"

A gust of wind blew at her bangs.

The mare shuddered.

"Lancie, for once... I wish you were here..." Her voice cracked. "I need somepony to tell me just how stupid I am..." She gnashed her teeth as a tear or two squeezed loose. "Friggin' idiot. Always thinking about yourself. Never about her."

Her breath shook. She sniffled. And then she lay still amidst the quiet hush of the lonely skyscraper.

Hunger

Rainbow Dash drifted slowly down the streets of Atlantrot, threading her way between buildings at the third and fourth story levels.

As the day waned, and the glossy windows reflected the red sheen of sunset, the streets below grew less and less crowded. Rainbow saw stagecoaches and their pullers retreating towards the outer districts, where they parked alongside and beneath buildings before the various equine citizens of Atlantrot retired for the night.

One by one, the windows and lamps and skyscraper summits lit up. The air grew cooler, but in an invigorating way. Rainbow felt her lungs urge to expel their breaths from the chill. She kept her muzzle clamped shut, regardless.

While drifting forward, she glanced to the side. Something made her linger in the air, and soon she resorted to perching on a window ledge, peering across the way towards an apartment complex.

Two ponies stood on the edge of a balcony, a mare and a stallion. The mare had a pitcher of water in her mouth, and she was sprinkling over a line of potted flowers. The stallion strolled up from behind, reaching in to nuzzle her neck. The mare smiled to herself, then almost dropped the pitcher entirely when the stallion nibbled lightly on her ear.

She giggled in protest, placing the pitcher down before turning around to give the stallion a playful swat in the chest. The stallion merely chuckled, gazing down into her face with thin eyes.

She brushed his bangs back. Then, closing her eyes, she leaned up and gave him the lightest of feathery kisses on the lips.

Rainbow watched, blinking slowly.

The stallion reached a hoof up. Despite his towering figure, he gently caressed the mare's cheek and neck. He kissed his way down towards her lower muzzle and chin, and she sighed daintily into his embrace. Then, after a few seconds, they parted ways, staring at each other evenly. Next, the stallion tilted his head up, brushing his chin against the mare's head. She acquiesced, lowering just enough so that his chin was nestled against her mane. With a peaceful smile, she tilted her head back, rubbing the nape of his throat with her soft neck. The couple stood there in their nuzzling embrace, relishing in each other's scent as it was carried by the brisk evening wind.

By this time, Rainbow Dash was hugging herself. She sighed gently out her nostrils, her eyes watering slightly. Eventually, her gaze fell towards the street below, where they hopped from one flickering lamp to another in the dulling haze of night.

After several minutes, she finally built up the courage to stretch her wings and dive off the window sill.

Applejack whistled to herself, which caused an echo across the concrete pillars inside the underground wagon port. She trotted around her carriage, checking on the cider barrels and making sure that everything was fastened tight.

With a satisfied smile, she turned towards the exit—only to nearly run into a blue figure. "Whoah nelly!" She hobbled back, holding a hoof up over her chest. A few blinks later, she chuckled. "Whew... Rainbow! You gave me quite the scare, ya silly filly!"

"Er... sorry..." Rainbow winced.

"Had a nice flight?"

"Sure. I guess."

"I was wonderin' when you'd get back!" the mare exclaimed, trotting towards the exit. "We done fetched our room for the night. I hope you dun mind that I went on ahead and dragged yer things in."

"That's... super nice of you." Rainbow Dash bit her lip. "You didn't... uhhh..." She fidgeted. "Uhm..."

"Rainbow... honestly." Applejack smirked back at her. "Who do ya take me for, sugarcube?" She tilted her hat back. "I dun look into ponies' private stuff anymore than you would."

"Er... right..."

"Are you sure yer feelin' alright, darlin'?"

"I'm... uhhh... I..."

Applejack's green eyes blinked.

Rainbow looked away so she wouldn't have to stare at them. "Guess I'm a bit tired, is all."

"Well, reckon you deserve a good night's sleep." Applejack nodded. "But not without gettin' some fuel in ya! Tomorrow's gonna be a long day! Not one of us is all too familiar with the roads down in Fillyda."

"Uhm... what did you have in mind?"

"It was Stu's idea, actually. There's this really fancy restaurant two blocks down. Figured we'd have a nice bite to eat there and then put in for a nightcap. What do you say?"

"Well..."

"My treat!" Applejack winked.

Rainbow smiled faintly. "That's super nice of you n'stuff... but... I-I'm not all too hungry."

"Awwww... what a shame." Applejack shrugged. "Suit yerself." She made for the exit. "Head on upstairs, if ya like, and get some early shuteye. Stu and I will just have to go to the restaurant on our own—"

Fwooosh! Rainbow Dash perched at Applejack's side. "You know what?! I-I-I think I'm feeling my stomach rumbling already!"

"Oh... uhhh... Well okay, then!" Applejack smiled nervously. "What changed yer mind?"

"Do they... s-serve grilled cheese there?"

"Err... maybe?"

"Grilled cheese!" Rainbow smiled twitchingly. "Grilled cheese changed my mind!"

"Heheheh..." Applejack shook her head. "Rainbow, darlin', you never ceased to surprise me."

"Well," the mare muttered. "One of us has to."

"Hmmm? What was that?"

"I-I said I can't wait to chew!" She grinned awkwardly. "On cheese! Grilled cheese!" She reared her hooves and galloped off. "Now let's go already!"

Fancy Is What Fancy Does

When Applejack and Rainbow Dash first arrived at their destination, they didn't exactly believe it. The restaurant in question was built on the top roof of an otherwise unassuming apartment building. It was rather obvious to the two of them that the place came alive specifically at night. Large ground glass bulbs were lit one by one, and they illuminated a smattering of round tables with white tablecloth underneath wooden latticework entangled with vines and various flowers. For the most part, the tables were covered with a series of awnings and dull green tarps hanging above the latticework, but—regardless—the whole place felt very "open." A chill breeze ran through the eatery, staved off by two or three separately placed kilns where special southern vegetable dishes were being roasted out in the open. Overall, the place felt toasty and very festive, with dozens of ponies filling the air with merry conversations and cheer.

"So... uh..." Rainbow Dash blinked.

"Ermmm..." Applejack likewise gawked.

"This place is very... uh..."

"Very..."

Rainbow gulped. "Festive."

Applejack nodded. "'Festive' is right."

Not long after, a richly attired waiter strolled up, smiling pleasantly. "Ah, welcome to Southern Horsepitality!"

Rainbow nearly spat..

"Did you have a reservation?"

Applejack's ears drooped. She murmured aside to Rainbow Dash. "I think my bit bag just shrank into my gut."

Rainbow stifled a giggle. She whispered back, "I'm sure there's a perfectly good Beet King somewhere in the lower streets of Atlantrot."

They looked ready to leave when a feathery figure fluttered from several tables away, waving his brown hoof. "Hey girls! Girls! Over here!"

"Wuh oh." Rainbow winced. "He already got us a table."

"Celestia have mercy..."

"Ah! I see you're in a party already!" the waiter said with a smile. "I can escort you to the table if you want!"

"Erm..."

But Stu Leave was already getting up and rushing over. "Glad you two could make it! Come on!" He motioned with his head. "I got us a great seat overlooking Main Street! The city lights are absolutely beautiful, don't you think?"

"Stu Leaves, that's really nice of you... this is really nice of you, but..."

"This place looks friggin' expensive," Rainbow bluntly said. "Still, thanks for the idea."

Stu Leaves blinked. "Huh?"

"I wish I had known beforehoof," Applejack said, wincing. "I'm not particularly prepared to become bankrupt before even meetin' Shindig down in Orlandoats."

"Oh. OHHH!" Stu Leaves chuckled and shook his head. "This is my treat."

Rainbow squinted.

"Your treat?" Applejack stammered. "Stu, you can't be serious."

"Indeed I am!"

"We can't put all of that on you. This place is nice n'all—"

"It's the nicest place in all of Atlantrot! And I think, after the long journey we've been taking, we deserve the best, don't you think?"

"Stu Leaves, honestly—"

"Come on over!" He grinned, trotting back to the table and motioning them along. "Their menu is the best thing you'll ever look at! I promise!" He chuckled and waved again. "Come on! It's alright! I saved up before this trip!"

Applejack sighed, adjusting the brim of her hat in the cold chill. "I reckon he's gonna win no matter what."

"Let him," Rainbow grumbled. "By winning, he'll only lose."

Applejack chuckled. "You sure do have a silly way of figurin' thangs."

"Don't look at me," Rainbow said as the two trotted across the restaurant with amused grins. "I'm not the one who chose to spend his bits at a place called 'Southern Horsepitality.'"

Olive Gallop Can't Beat 'Em

"Isn't this place great?!" Stu Leaves beamed, gesturing towards the glittering streets of Atlantrot below and beyond where they sat. "My friend recommended it to me! I asked for something 'cultured' and the name of this place was the first thing off her tongue!"

"That's a mighty long tongue," Applejack said with a smirk. The soft platinum glow of light bulbs reflected off her green eyes with a kaleidoscopic shine. "Stu, has it ever occurred to you that maybe the most expensive dun necessarily mean the most best?"

"How do you mean?"

"Everypony with a dash of sense knows that you ain't eatin' 'southern' unless it's some Ma and Pa dive that fries everythang that's edible!" Applejack glanced across the table. "If ya pardon the pun."

Rainbow Dash squatted in her chair, looking remarkably tiny as her shoulders hunched and she blew on her hooves. "Yeesh... it's stupidly chilly up here."

"Well, we are on a rooftop," Applejack said.

"I don't get it." Rainbow frowned. "We're heading south. Shouldn't it—like—be getting warmer?"

"We ain't in Fillyday yet, Rainbow." Applejack chuckled. "Enjoy the comfy nights while they're not bakin' ya."

"Meh."

"Should we move to a table that's closer to a kiln?" Stu Leaves asked.

"Good evening, ponyfolk!" A waiter strolled over, dropping a warm basket of bread. "Here's some bread to start you out with."

"Sweet!" Rainbow reached out and clasped the basket between her hooves. "Awwwwwww yeah..." She smiled, cradling the warm bread. "That hits the spot."

"Heheheheh..." Applejack smirked. "Reckon that fixes that."

"Are you all ready to order or would you like some more time to decide?" the waiter asked.

"We'll be a bit longer, thanks." Stu Leaves nodded. After the waiter trotted off, he turned towards the mares. "I mean it. This is my treat. Feel free to knock your horseshoes off!"

"Dang it, Stu..." Applejack squinted across the table. "What's yer game?"

"Heheh... game?"

"I get the distinct feelin' that yer tryin' to butter us up." Applejack pointed. "You've even got the bread already."

"Warmmmmmm bread," Rainbow cooed, pulling one stick out and sniffing it. "Hmmm..."

"What's wrong with that?" Stu leaned back. "I'm really, really enjoying this trip, and I wanted to show you both my appreciation."

"Uh huh..."

"Applejack... for real..." Stu gestured at himself with a wry smile. "You and I both know that I'm not a clever pony."

Applejack avoided his gaze, although a noticeable grin trailed off her muzzle.

"Ah! Uh huh!" He pointed, chuckling. "There's Honesty for you!" He leaned forward, breathing through a tired smile. "You know I don't have much swimming upstairs."

"Aw... now dun be sayin' thangs like that, Stu."

"What I mean is, I couldn't pull a fast one on ya gals even if I tried. Besides, it's not in my blood." He gestured. "I got us two rooms, for Celestia's sake."

Rainbow glanced up, blinking. "You did?"

"Hey, I'm a gentlecolt," Stu said.

"I noticed ya didn't say 'perfect gentlecolt,'" Applejack said.

"Well, I can't slip anything past you, can I, Applejack?" Stu smirked mildly, fiddling with the table cloth as his eyes took on a distant glaze. "I used to try too hard back in Cloudsdale... with trying to fit in, I mean."

"Sure thang..."

"I tried to make friends, but all I did was make a fool of myself." His muzzle hung straight for a moment. He brushed a hoof across the table in front of him. "So, I came to Ponyville... a town that's made its name in the world for being the 'Friendship Capital' of Equestria. I didn't expect much, to be perfectly honest. I mean, I know it's not... th-that easy to take a stallion like me seriously..."

Applejack gazed at him softly.

His nostrils flared, and he looked up with a calm grin. "I-I just want to say that things have gone... wonderfully. And I'm lucky, y'know?" He cleared his throat. "A lot luckier than I thought I'd be. I no longer give Cloudsdale a passing thought."

"Only ya just did."

"Heh... you know what I mean." He sighed, lips curved. "So, forgive me if I wanna spread that luck around some... with two very good friends of mine."

"Hmmm..." Applejack smiled tilting her hat back. "Well, that's mighty sweet of ya, Stu. And I swear we ain't about to rain on yer generous parade." She turned aside. "Ain't that right, Rainbow?"

Rainbow Dash's wide eyes stared into open space. Meanwhile, her blue cheeks had puffed out like those of a chimpunk's. "Mmmff... these..." She mumbled with a mouthful. "...these are the best... breadsticks... ever."

Stu beamed.

"Heheh..." Applejack stroked her bangs back. "Well, guess that's a good start."

Elements of Garlic

Stu Leaves paused in digging through mashed potatoes and gravy to look up, smiling. "Mrmmmf... Now what I want to know... mrmmmff..." He took a sip of water and gulped his food down before continuing. "...is what exactly does the Equestrian Government require of you girls."

"Ain't nothin' to do with the government," Applejack said between bites of collard greens. "Well... at least I dun think so." She blinked awkwardly. "I mean, we live in a representational monarchy n'all, dun we?"

"Right." Stu smirked. "Although I don't see Princess Celestia ordering any beheadings."

"Still, she's in charge. And she's the one who's been tasked with holdin' the Elements all these years."

"But that changed with the return of Nightmare Moon, right?"

"You betcha."

"So... uh... do any responsibilities come with being an Element Bearer?"

"Uhhhh..." Applejack adjusted her hat. "Stayin' alive, I reckon." She glanced aside at Rainbow Dash and the two mares nodded at the table. "Yup. Heh. Stayin' alive."

"You're not on reserve or nothing?"

"How do you mean?"

"Well... you drove away Nightmare Moon, right?"

"Relatively speakin'."

"So, what if another big bad mother hubbard shows up to rock the boat of harmony in the land, eh?" Stu smiled. "Wouldn't Celestia and the rest of the executive haunchos in Canterlot be expecting you to show up at any minute and give evil the big zap?"

"Uhm... Maybe? I dunno." Applejack shrugged. "I never thought about it much. I figured that if somethin' nasty happened, we'd all ask Twilight what to do. I mean, she's the one who got us to cross paths with the Elements to begin with, so it stands to reason."

"So if Twilight tells you to go and zap somethin'..."

"Right." Applejack nodded. "But she hasn't. So we haven't."

"Nothing crazy bad has happened since Nightmare Moon, huh?"

"Nope." Applejack shook her head. "I mean, Ponyville has seen its fair shair of crazy shenanigans. Heh. Too bad you didn't come here before the Ursa Minor attack or the parasprite infestation."

"Oh dear... why's that?"

"Well, most of our buildings looked different. Eheheh."

"Wow." Stu Leaves blinked across the table. "Maybe I did show up too late."

"All'n'all, things have been pretty quiet as of late. You've caught Ponyville in the dry season."

"But do you ever think about it? I mean... what you'd have to do if the Elements were needed again?"

"The way I figure it, so long as we're just livin' our lives and befriendin' each other all natural-like, then we're playin' whatever part we need to. I mean, the Elements found us, in a manner of speakin'. I can't imagine they'd want us to be any different than who we are naturally. Does that make any sense?"

"Sure, I suppose."

"I dun suppose you're some chaotic harmony-eater in secret who's tryin' to get the drop on us by lowerin' our guard, huh?" Applejack smirked.

Stu Leaves chuckled. "Nah. I hope I'm not that evil."

"Heheheh."

"I'm just so intrigued by it. Y'know, you never really think about it much, do you?"

"Celestia knows I don't."

"Like... do you own the Elements of Honesty and Generosity or are you the Elements?"

"Erm... reckon they're on a shelf somewhere in a royal vault." Applejack nevertheless squinted at him. "What do you mean by Honesty and Generosity."

Stu blinked. "But I thought that—"

"I'm Honesty for sure." Applejack smirked. "But Rainbow Dash? She's Loyalty."

"No kidding?" Stu winced. "I-I mean, not to say that she isn't Loyal... or Honest... or Friendly or Sneezy or Sleepy or any of the other Elements—"

"Heheh... relax, Stu. It's quite alright. Sometimes I get it mixed up myself, on account that we're all just good friends periods, whatever virtue. But, truth be told, when it comes to Loyalty—Rainbow Dash is just about the best there is." She turned and smirked aside at the mare. "Ain't that right, Rainbow?"

"These..." The mare was nibbling through another doughy stick. "Are... the best breadsticks... the best."

Applejack and Stu Leaves chuckled merrily.

Rainbow's eyes watered. "Mrmmfff... seriously, you guys. Guys..."

Simply Appetizers

"I... uh..." Rainbow Dash placed a fork down and fidgeted in her seat. "I don't think I can finish my potatoes."

"Well, of course." Applejack rolled her eyes. "That's what ya get for stuffin' yerself so much with them breadsticks!"

Rainbow avoided Applejack's gaze. She leaned back, rubbing a hoof over her blue belly as she blushed. "But they were really... really good breadsticks."

"Heheheh. Yes. We know."

"Seriously, you guys—"

"I'd offer dessert," Stu Leaves said. "But I'm not sure if there's much of a point."

"Oh, I'm up for a bite," Applejack remarked. "Even if Rainbow Dash is fuller than a mosquito in July."

"For real?" Stu Leaves glanced at the dessert menu on the table. "I mean... Applejack... all they serve here is—"

"Apple fritters and cobblers, I know." She raised an eyebrow over a sly smirk. "Look, reckon I know more than anypony that Sweet Apple Acres bakes the best apple products anywhere. But that dun change the fact that I gotta sample bits and pieces out of the competition from time to time."

"Competition? Pfft." Stu Leaves smirked. "You really think you're gonna be giving Atlantrot cuisine a run for the money? I mean, not like you couldn't wipe the floor with them, but it's so far away from Ponyville!"

"It's between home and Orlandoats, ain't it?"

"Wuh oh!" Stu Leaves leaned back, chuckling. "And so it begins! The Rise of the Apple Empire!"

"Awwwww shoot. Now yer just bein' silly on purpose."

"No, for real!" Stu winked. "You're already counting the coins that Shindig hasn't hoofed over to you yet! I can see it in the sparkle of your eyes!" He spread his wings and swept a hoof over the table top. "Sweet Apple Empire! 'The Sun Never Sets On the Golden Delicious Trees!'"

Applejack rolled her eyes. "As if it'll ever come to that."

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash smirked. "I approve of this idea."

"You?"

"Heck yeah!" Rainbow grinned devilishly. "You could—like—set up your own apple militia!"

"Ohhhh come on now..."

"No, for real! They'd march from town to town, hanging mugshots of ponies foolish enough to have maligned your Malus Regime!"

"Awwwww shucks..."

"If anypony's caught peddling oranges within inches of the empire?" Rainbow winked. "They get thrown in the stockades!"

Applejack burst out laughing. Stu's chuckles joined her.

"Heck, I could even be your top military official!" Rainbow beat her wings, hovering above the table. "I'd go house to house, giving subjects the royal shake down." She beat one hoof against the other. "Hey! You! Eat Apple Family Fruit or Die in Tartarus! So Sayeth the Cider Princess!""

"The Cider Princess... oh lawd."

"Hehehehehe—" Rainbow's eyes bulged as she suddenly plopped straight down in her chair. "Owch!" She winced, then smiled awkwardly. "Eheheh... too many breadsticks."

The other two chuckled even harder.

Stu Listens

"And the weather was getting super ugly. So, right around the time I was flying through the brambles, a dark thundercloud had passed underneath the sun. I couldn't see anything. If I wasn't careful, one bad turn would send me flying into a huge, super-sharp thorn. I could have lost an eye. Maybe worse."

Applejack was forking her way through a slice of apple pie while Stu Leaves leaned forward, gazing across the table in earnest. "Shouldn't you have just... c-called it a day?"

"You mean what? Pfft! Given up?" Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "You forget who's telling the story."

"S-sorry," Stu winced.

"Lemme finish."

"Mrmmmf..." Applejack gulped a morsel down and pointed with her fork. "Yeah, let her finish."

"So there I was, surrounded on all sides by barbed vines, right dead-center in the black heart of Ghastly Gorge. If I moved too suddenly, I'd impale myself on something. But I couldn't just—like—stop in my tracks either. After all, I had a record to beat, and my reputation was on the line! I knew that somewhere up above, Listing Breeze was timing me. And—"

"Who's she again?"

"Huh?"

"Listing Breeze."

Rainbow shuddered. "Look, that's not important. Anyway..." Steeling herself, she continued. "I suddenly remembered that thorns were less likely to be found at the bottom of a briar patch than towards the middle or the top. So, someway or another, I had to get my way towards the floor of the Gorge to keep on flying."

"And how'd you get there?" Stu Leaves asked.

Rainbow shrugged. "I just dove."

Stu blinked. "Just like that?!"

"Yup!"

"You went in blind?"

Rainbow smiled. "Seems like luck was on my side. You see..." She leaned back in her chair, kicking her hooves up on the end of the table. "...this world knows I'm awesome. And every now and then it throws me a bone. This was just such a time. Cuz when I got to the bottom of the ravine, turns out a cleft in the canyon walls above allowed just enough light to bleed through and illuminate the trunks of each thorned root. So..."

"You were able to see your way better at the bottom than at the top."

"Totally! I soared on through that baby with a renewed burst of speed! By the time I had cleared the briar patch, I was already moving so fast that the Quarry Eels were no friggin' big deal! They couldn't even touch me! When I made it to the end, everypony thought the stopwatch was broken. They hadn't thought it was possible for someone to beat the record by that kind of a margin! But I did it!"

"That... that's remarkable!" Stu exclaimed.

"Plum stupid if ya ask me," Applejack muttered with a mouth full of pie. "If I had a golden bit for every single story Rainbow's told us gals about how she's nearly killed herself—"

"You wouldn't even have to be making this trip to Shindig."

"Celestia-forbid."

"Did your buddies back then figure out how you made it through the briar patch?" Stu asked.

"Nope!" Rainbow chuckled. "To this day, they've got no clue!"

"So you haven't told them."

"Nah. I don't hang out with those mares anymore. I think my friends nowadays deserve to know just how awesome I really am. The rest can just soak up the mystery. Heh."

"Well, then..." Stu Leaves sat up straight, smiling. "I guess I consider myself priviledged."

"Yeah, I guess you—" Rainbow stopped in mid-speech, blinking.

"You have such amazing friends, Applejack," Stu Leaves said. "I wonder if Rarity or Fluttershy have as many wild tails."

"Unless yer fixin' to hear an earful of fashion drama or animal bathroom habits, then I reckon yer doomed to be disappointed."

"Awwww..."

"Nah, Rainbow here?" Applejack glanced up from her plate, winking one green eye as her lips curved. "She's a real whizz-banger for sure."

Rainbow stared at her. Slowly, her cheeks and ear-tips went rosy.

Stu Leaves opened his mouth to say something—

"Ahem." Rainbow turned so that her face was out of direct lamplight, obscuring her flushed features. "I... uh... I-I think I suddenly have some room for pie now. Eheheh..."

Wishes Granted, Somewhat

"Whew... well..." Stu Leaves stifled a yawn as the three of them trotted up to the front entrance to their hotel across town. "I don't know about you girls, but I certainly couldn't have asked for a better evening."

"Of course you couldn't." Applejack smirked. "You paid for it."

Rainbow giggled.

With a roll of his eyes, Stu Leaves smiled. "Even still, it was nice getting to talk about stuff that wasn't exclusively limited to Shindig, Orlandoats, or the wagon trails in between."

"Eeyup. Reckon we should do it more often," Applejack said. "Only, y'know, not costing you so many bits."

"Oy. Will you let it rest about the bits, AJ?" Stu Leaves chuckled. "It was my treat. And I wouldn't have had it any other way."

"Yeah, I feel ya." Applejack nodded. "Just don't sell yerself short, y'hear? Yer a fine gentlecolt, Stu, and a pretty darn nifty friend."

He smiled rosily. "Yeah, well, I try."

"Seriously, though," Rainbow Dash's voice cracked. "Read a book. Learn more about the Elements of Harmony before you swallow your own hoof next time."

"Rainbow..." Applejack quietly chided.

"Heh... nah, it's alright." Stu nodded with a wink. "I get it. And I think I'll take her up on her advice." He fought another yawn while pushing his way into the front hotel lobby. "After all, the next time Equestria is in Crisis, I think I wanna know how it's gonna be defended."

"Well, hopefully it won't ever come to that," Applejack said.

"It's late, girls. See you in the morning?"

"Eeyup. Dun let the bed bugs bite." Applejack waved at him across the lobby. "Whew... talk about a full rich day, eh, Rainbow?"

Rainbow hovered in the middle of the room, bleary eyed. "Mmmmhmmmm." She nodded.

"A whole bunch of trotting, a whole bunch of eatin', a whole bunch of talkin'..." Applejack stretched her lithe muscles before making her way for the central stairs. "I could certainly use a whole bunch of sleepin'. How about you?"

"Mmmhmmm—" Suddenly, Rainbow's eyes bulged. "Wait."

"Flap along, sugarcube. I'll show you the way to our room."

"Uhhhhh..." Rainbow was trembling. "...AJ?"

"S'all good. You'll be restin' yer petite blue feathers soon enough."

Rainbow chose to ignore that word. Instead, she gulped and chanted to herself as she flew ahead: "Pleaselettherebetwobeds. Pleaselettherebetwobeds. Pleaselettherebetwobeds..."

Minutes later, Applejack stood in front of a room, fiddling with the lock and key.

"Ungh! Dag nabbit. If Stu swapped the wrong keys, I swear, I'm gonna buck him into a ditch..."

Rainbow Dash hovered a few feet away, still wincing, still chanting. "Pleaselettherebetwobeds. Pleaselettherebetwobeds..."

"What in tarnation are ya murmurin' about, sugarcube?"

"Uhhhhhh—"

Click.

"Whew!" Applejack smiled, pushing the door open all the way. "False alarm! Alrighty..."

As she entered the room, Rainbow Dash took a deep breath and peered in. She blinked... blinked again... and ultimately relaxed in midair.

"Mind if I take the one closer to the window?" Applejack asked, hopping towards the bed in question. "I like to have the morning sun wake me, seein' as there're no roosters around here."

"Hmmmmm..." Rainbow Dash smiled tiredly, her limbs trembling less. "Yeah. That's fine."

"Is... everythang alright, darlin'?"

"Yeah..." Fwooosh! Rainbow darted in, hovered over the other bed, and let gravity take its course. Fwomp! She landed on the duvet, curling up in a little blue ball and giggling with relief. "Everything is awesome... phweeeeeee"

Applejack rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well, I'm gettin' washed up." She grabbed a towel and trotted towards the bathroom. "Remind me never to let you have that many breadsticks ever again."

And Nothing But the Towel

Rainbow Dash had actually almost dozed off when the door to the bathroom opened. She glanced over in time to see a cloud of steam wafting out, followed by an orange shape.

"Guh!" She did a tiny somersault, miraculously unrolling a swath of the duvet in one swift move. Within a blink, she was lying down, half-submerged under the comforter, with her head pressed into the fabric, blinding herself to the undoubtedly sensual display happening just a few feet away.

"Whew-weeee! Nothin' like a good long shower in one of these fancy bathrooms!"

"Erm... f-fancy?"

"Yeah." The sound of ruffling wet mane hair. "All Sweet Apple Acres has is a dinky ol' bathtub! Heheh. Family heirloom from over fifty years ago. Dun change the fact that it's a plum miracle if it can ever get warmer than toasted bread in January!"

Rainbow Dash clenched her eyes shut, clutching the blanket tighter. "Noneedtotakeapeek. Noneedtotakeapeek. Yousawenoughtheothernightwhilecamping."

"Huh? What's that?"

"Uhhhhh..."

"Awww shoot. I'm sorry, sugarcube. Yer tryin' to sleep, aren't you?"

"No, I was awake!" Rainbow stuck her head out. "Nothing to be sorry abou—" Her eyes bulged at the sight of an orange thing seated on the next bed. In a flash, Rainbow burrowed herself beneath the covers once again, her ruby pupils fixed on some nebulous point a trillion miles ahead of her. "Ohmygoddessshe'swearingthedamptowel..."

"I dun see how you have any reason to be restless," Applejack's voice said amidst the ruffling of a golden mane. "Unless yer seekin' to slide some special deal under the table to Shindig all this time. Eheh."

"What? No!" Rainbow Dash wheezed. "I'm just... super jazzed about this trip, is all!"

"For real?"

Rainbow gulped. "S-sure! Why not?"

"Well, that's just super. For a moment there, I wasn't sure if you'd enjoy the trip at all."

"...you weren't?"

"Nah. I mean, it ain't exactly travel-by-air. Also... eh... eheheh... let's face it."

"Er, let's face what, AJ?"

"Stu Leaves takes a bit of gettin' used to. Now, me? I've had several weeks under my plate of workin' with him on the farm, so I reckon I've got what it takes to handle his... goofy personality. But you? I never thought about it much until now, sugarcube, but I-I must have dropped his comin' with us on you like a huge sack'o'bricks. I'm mighty sorry for that."

"Hey... it's alright!" Rainbow Dash smiled into the mattress, clinging the pillow hard beneath the blanket. "I mean... heck... he's really not that bad of a guy!"

"Ya think?"

Rainbow bit her lip. "...maaaaaaaaaybe?"

"You've been off on one flyin' job or another lately; I wasn't certain if you'd get along with him or not. The last thang I wanted to do was make this trip miserable for you. But that really takes a load off my spine, darlin'."

"Hey..." Rainbow gulped. "What are friends for?"

"Ya sure yer tired, darlin'? All of the sudden, you seem antsier than a dog at a tail-waggin' contest."

"Oh... please." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "I'm not exactly a light sleeper."

"Ya sure? Ya sure are keen to do it a lot. Eheheh."

"For real! Sometimes I... uh... gallop in my sleep."

"Or fly in yer sleep?" Applejack guffawed. "Seein' as yer wings are fixin' to burst through the blanket somethin' fierce."

"Guhhhhhh—!" Rainbow's voice cracked as she kicked out of bed and trotted—backwards—into the bathroom. "You know what?! All those breadsticks have left me smelling like cheese!"

A decidedly veluptuous orange figure atop the far bed blinked, her wet body clad in an even wetter towel while she brushed at a silken gold mane. "Cheese?"

"Super stinky cheese!" Rainbow squeaked. She bumped into the bathroom's doorframe and had to shimmy and twist her petite body so that her wings could fit through. "Gotta wash myself off! Become squeaky clean!"

Applejack's freckled muzzle sniffed the air. "But I dun smell nothin'—"

"And you never will!" Rainbow slammed the door behind her. "Bye!"

Not Pillow Talk, More Like a Pillow Conference

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah..." Rainbow Dash opened the door to the bathroom. She trotted out, wings limp and drooped. "...yup. Allllll squeaky clean."

"Grnngh..." Applejack was lying down in the furthest bed. Her green eyes squinted at the bathroom light, and she turned over, rolling the comforter over her figure. "Ya mind puttin' the light out, sugarcube?"

"Er... r-right." Rainbow Dash trotted back and flipped the switch. The room became pitch black, save for the faint glow of city lights beyond the drapes next to Applejack's bed. "That better?"

"Much," Applejack sighed. "Can't remember the last time I've slept with things this dark."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I lurve Apple Bloom, but the poor little filly can't stand the shadows."

"For real?"

"Eeyup. Got at least three nightlights on the top floor of the house alone. Whenever we have a power outage, she gets all clingy and starts crying." Applejack shuddered slightly. "Shoot... sometimes I dun know my own honesty. Uhm... promise never to tell her lil' friends about that. She'd never forgive me."

"What?" Rainbow smirked. "Like Scootaloo?"

"Yeah..."

"Pffft. Come on, Applejack. Not like the kid's writing my biography or anything."

"Eh... whatever. Shucks, I'm tired."

"Then I'll let you get to sawing wood." Rainbow crawled into her bed across the way from her. "You've earned it."

"You feelin' any more rested?"

"Ohhhhhhh yeah."

"Cuz that sure was a long shower."

"Uhm..." Rainbow bit her lip. "I... noticed that t-too."

"Never figured you to be the squeaky clean type."

"Hey... It's not like I'm rolling in mud all the time either." Rainbow shrugged, sliding into her bed and curling up under the covers. The feeling of clingy moisture mixed with the warm toastiness of the duvet's insulation, and soon the pegasus was in heaven. "Hmmmm... I can't count how many times I've flown early morning weather coverage and gotten thoroughly spritzed by the clouds."

"Heh... guess that makes sense. As a pegasus, you must be used to getting wet a lot."

"Er..." Rainbow curled her hooves tighter to her chest.

"Always full of surprises." Applejack yawned, nestling her blonde head deeper into her fluffy pillow. "I sure am lucky to have so many varied friends."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Ponyville was originally an earth pony town. But, over the years, so many plum pegasi and earth ponies have moved in..."

Rainbow smirked. "Does a certain country bumpkin regret this?"

"Heck, no! It's the total opposite—is what I'm tryin' to say!" Applejack turned around in bed. Her bright green eyes were dim slits in the gray shadows of the room. "Between you, Twilight, Fluttershy, and Rarity... I've gotten the best that Equestria's ever had to offer. I just feel lucky to have so many unique and special friends, is all."

"Yeah." Rainbow squinted. "What about Pinkie Pie?"

"Pffft. Earth pony or not, she sure does take the cake."

"I'd say!"

Both mares giggled.

"Hmmmmm..." Applejack smiled dazedly, her eyes shutting. "We should have sleepovers more often."

Rainbow Dash stopped giggling long enough to wheeze. "We should."

"All of us, y'know? The whole gang? When I think back to all the crazy thangs we've been through over the past year, one of the nicest memories that comes to mind is the trip we took to Appleloosa."

"Really?" Rainbow Dash droned. "Because I've had about all I can take from buffalo."

"No, ya silly filly... I meant on the ride to Appleloosa," Applejack said. "When it was just the six of us loungin' around on the train car, chewin' the fat."

"Six plus one." Rainbow Dash winked. "Don't forget about Spike."

"Yeah, well... between you and me... sometimes I like to think of him as Twilight's pet puppy."

"Snkkkt—heeheehee!" Rainbow Dash hid her face under her covers, grinning like a foal. "Spike? A dog?"

"Yeah, what of it?"

"Now you're just high, AJ."

"Pffft... so what if I am?" Applejack smirked. "A lot of good thangs are happenin' in my life lately, even without this opportunity with Shindig."

The chuckles subsided as the room fell into dull silence.

"I... I really mean it..." Applejack's eyes opened, almost with a contemplative glaze to them. "Just... lately... everythang has been goin' so well, almost as if... Fate herself flung a switch and turned my whole world around on its head. Ever since Fancy Pants made a deal with us... I-I've been feelin' like I'm trottin' on Cloud Nine."

"And there's nothing wrong with that..." Rainbow Dash lowered the blanket to squint across the room at her. "...right?"

Applejack bit her lip.

"R-right?"

Applejack exhaled. "It's weird. Sometimes I feel like things are a little too good, as if I shouldn't be celebratin'—"

"Pfft. Why the hay not?"

"I dunno. Reckon I feel sometimes as if these thangs are just happenin' to me and I'm not actually earnin' any of it."

Rainbow Dash bit her lip, avoiding Applejack's gaze momentarily.

"I dun mind bein' successful. But... it's plum weird to enjoy so much good luck and not know where it's all comin' from."

"Karma."

"Huh?"

Rainbow shrugged, smiling. "Just take it with a proud smile, AJ. All your life, you've been a really swell pony. You deserve this hoof that fate's dealt!"

"Awwwww shucks, sugarcube. No need to go on like that."

"You're right. I was wrong." Rainbow shook her head. "You're not a swell pony."

"Oh...?" Applejack suddenly blinked.

Rainbow grinned. "You're an awesome pony."

Applejack rolled her eyes. "Typical Dashie..."

"At your service."

"If I may say so, you seem an awful lot more thoughtful these days."

"Uhhhhhhhhhh... huh?"

"Just... ya ain't yer old braggin', boastin', connivin' self." Applejack shifted under the covers. "Well, reckon you are a little bit, but in an adorable sort of way."

Rainbow's cheeks turned a bit rosy. "A-adorable...?"

"See? Back in the day, you woulda snapped at me for even sayin' something like that!"

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow Dash cleared her throat and glanced towards the ceiling. "I've got a lot more chance to put my head through the wringer, I guess."

"Lots of long, thought-provokin' flights with them delivery routes of yours, eh?"

"... ... ..." Rainbow glanced aside. "Sure. I guess you could say that."

"Well, more power to ya," Applejack said. "Ain't nothin' like a good soul-search that ends with you discoverin' more of yerself."

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. She murmured, "I've been searching a whole... whole lot..."

"Maybe you'll lemme know what you find someday."

Rainbow smiled tiredly into the shadows. "Assuming the journey ever ends..."

NOW It's the Pillow Conference

"Say AJ..."

"Heh heh heh heh..."

"...what's so funny?"

"Nopony ever seems to notice but me."

"Notice what?"

"'Say AJ.' It rhymes."

"Oh? Oh! Ohhhhh..."

"Heheheh..."

"Whoops. My bad."

"Ain't nothin' to feel sorry about, Rainbow. I just think it's silly. Never thought of mentionin' it out loud until now."

"Heh... go figure."

"What did you mean to say, sugarcube?"

"Hmmm? Oh! Uh... about... uhm... about..."

"Well? Are ya gonna spit it out or ain'tcha? I can't stay awake forever, y'know."

"I was just... just thinking about something..."

"Hmmm? What something?"

"Well, I remember one time we were hanging out on the farm. Like... the Sun had set, and I had just helped you harvest apples in the field. We sat on a hill and talked and talked and stuff."

"Ah, yeah. I remember."

"You do?"

"About a few months back. Right before Sweet Apple Acres hit it big."

"You remember that?"

"Well, no offense, sugarcube, but I don't have a whole ton of memories to choose from. You haven't been all that keen on apple buckin' until... well... until recently."

"Er... right..."

"But I-I'm grateful all the same! Just... hard to forget, is all."

"Well, do you remember what you said that evening?"

"Uhm... Okay, so I dun remember everything about that night. Why, what did I say?"

"I forget what brought it up, but at some point you mentioned how... uh... h-how you've always sorta hoped that someday a special stallion would sweep you off your hooves."

"I did?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure. What, like, you don't remember that?"

"Well... heheh... I certainly won't deny it."

"Oh..."

"I figure it's every inner filly's fantasy."

"Uh huh..."

"Granted, I've never really taken much stock in all that romantic fantasy nonsense. Can't say that a part of me detests the notion of bein' placed on a pedestal by a white knight. Heheh..."

"But... like... the other day... uhm..."

"Yeah?"

"...well, while we were carrying the wagon along the southern highway, you said that you don't really... uh... see yourself having foals someday."

"Reckon I did say that."

"Soooo... like... wh-what's the deal? Do you ever want to settle down or don't you?"

"Well, first thang's first, sugarcube. I'm already livin' and workin' out of my home. Sweet Apple Acres is my home! So, if y'all ask me, 'settlin' down' is a mite bit redundant."

"Er... yeah. I guess."

"But, beyond that, I'm sure y'all know that there's a fine difference between what a grown mare wants and what a grown mare expects."

"Uhhhh... huh?"

"I was just speakin' all realistic-like, sugarcube. I'm so caught up in the apple buckin' as it is. I don't rightly see myself havin' the time to get hitched or have foals or... y'know... any of that stuff. I'm too concerned with the Apple Family as it is. Addin' more to that? I dunno. Seems like somethin' of a gamble."

"Even with as well as you're doing with the farm as of late?"

"Rainbow... heheh... just what are you getting at?"

"I just... I just kind of see it as a shame that you don't want something more awesome out of life."

"Is that so?"

"Well..."

"And do you, Rainbow Dash, actually think that bein' married and makin' baby horsies is what counts as awesome?"

"Er... maybe? I mean, to each their own."

"Whew-wee! You must have been flyin' an awful lot of circles with yer job, lately! That's nothin' like the Rainbow Dash I know!"

"Hey! I know how to be awesome! I mean... being me is just awesome enough! But at the same time, what's awesome for me... erm... m-may not be so awesome for somepony else."

"How do you mean?"

"Applejack, being part of a family and helping others is... is so totally you. I see the way you love on Apple Bloom. I see how you fret and worry over Big Mac and Granny Smith all the time. I just... always sorta got the impression that if you had a way to put more on your plate, you would. Because everything about you just screams 'family.'"

"You mean everythang about me just screams 'motherin'."

"Uhhh—I-I-I didn't say that!"

"Heheh... reckon ya thought it though. I mean, ain't that what yer goin' for? 'Applejack, how come you don't plan on bein' a mother someday.'"

"Well..."

"For the same reason that you say I'm all about takin' care of a family, I'm hesitant to even try startin' one of my own, Rainbow."

"Eh...?"

"I just dun know if I can even afford it. Raisin' a farm ain't easy. I dun care how things go down with Shindig or not. If I bring a beautiful new life to this world, I'd feel responsible for makin' sure it gets the best future possible. And until I feel that kind of security, I can't pretend to get my hopes up."

"You can't pretend or you just don't want to?"

"I... uh... I reckon I don't see the difference."

"For real? You can't even afford to think selfishly for one in your life, AJ? Even when it means an opportunity to do something that—knowing you—could be completely awesome?"

"Heheh... Rainbow, are you fixin' to get me pregnant or something?"

"Pfft! No, AJ! I just wonder if you've ever asked the question of yourself."

"What question?"

"Like, without any strings attached, without havin' to worry about the future or the farm or how you're doing with your crops, what would you want out of life?"

"Luna have mercy. Ya silly filly, I dun told you I can't—"

"I'm not talking about what you expect to afford, Applejack. I'm asking you... simple and plainly... what do you want out of such a life?"

"What... do I want?"

"Yeah..."

Making Your Bed

Rainbow Dash gazed across the dark room.

Applejack lay in the next bed. She was silent for a prolonged period of time. Her body rose and fell in tiny little motions.

Rainbow Dash's ears drooped. Convinced that Applejack had fallen asleep, she nuzzled her cheek against her pillow and began navigating a clustered web of regretful thoughts.

And just then:

"Reckon I just want to feel needed."

Rainbow Dash blinked. She peaked out from underneath her duvet. "Needed?"

The figure on the other bed nodded. "Everypony calls me the town's most loyal and dependable mare. Well, that may or may not be true, but I wouldn't mind livin' up to it. There's just somethin' that makes me feel... complete when I'm doin' my all for others. When I feel like somepony... when ponies are needin' me. Dependin' on me. I feel like I'm doin' somethin' mighty wonderful when I'm providin' for them. I know it sounds silly, but it's kind of like buckin' apples for a good harvest. It's all about earnin' that... that wonderful feelin' of accomplishment. A love... a love is best when it's earned, ya feel me?"

Rainbow Dash chuckled. "What makes you think you gotta earn all love, AJ?" She was halfway through that sentence when she winced at herself. She curled her limbs to her chest, fidgeting.

"Maybe I ain't sayin' it right. I guess... I guess the reason I never see myself gettin' hitched is that it'd be too darn selfish."

"Oh?"

"I'd be too possessive, y'know? That stallion would have to be mine. Like... he belongs to me and nopony else and he knows it. And he'd show it. Out in public. Home on the farm. At night, sittin' by the fire. Just the two of us. Inseparable." Applejack yawned. "Because he'd belong to me. And... and I'd be takin' care of him, y'know? I mean, he'd have his place in the family too, of course. He'd be responsible and thoughtful and workhardy. But..." She yawned again, settling further into the mattress. "But I'd be able to take care of him in ways that only I could, in ways that he'd need me for, 'cuz he wouldn't be complete without." A long pause. The next breath came out raspy and exhausted. "I could hold him real close... look 'em in the eyes... and tell him that 'he was mine,' and he'd agree. Maybe even finish..." A yawn. "...the sentence before me."

Rainbow Dash laid her head against the pillow. Eventually, she hummed: "And kids?"

Silence.

"I... could never be as wonderful as my Ma was to me," Applejack slurred. Half a minute later. "But... what I wouldn't give for... for the chance..." One orange ear twitched, then the other. "...so many lovely little un's. All takin' after me and their Pa. As... a little filly, I had a doll. Prettiest lil' thing in the world. I know it sounds awful silly, but... b-but I would do anythang to have one again..."

Rainbow Dash felt a lump forming in her throat. She gnashed her teeth, fought it, but ultimately mewled, "Someday, AJ, you're going to find the pony of your dreams. And they... he will give you all the kids you could ever ask for. And you'll be so happy, Applejack. And you'll have earned it. Because you're you. And..." She froze in place. The place was abysmally silent. "Applejack?" No response. Rainbow Dash poked her head out from beneath the blanket.

Applejack was sound asleep. Her body lay limp in the bed, her muzzle slightly agape as she slumbered away.

Rainbow Dash blinked. She deflated once more to her own bed. With a soft smile, she murmured: "I'd do anything... I'd give anything... to be the one who earns your love, AJ. I'd give you all the dolls in the world. And... if you let me... I would be yours. In a heartbeat."

Rainbow's ears thundered with bloodrush at the end of that. She inhaled, only then realizing how much her lungs had emptied to complete the previous statement. She felt a tingle in her legs, wings, and spine, as if a gigantic load was taken off her back. And yet, Applejack kept sleeping, mute and oblivious. It was the most joyful thing Rainbow Dash had experienced in months, and yet the most miserable. She didn't know whether to laugh or sigh. Instead, she chose to curl underneath her covers and closed her eyes.

It wasn't long after that she considered the reality of the moment. Applejack was a farm filly. Surely she would wake up well before the pegasus did. And when she was awake, there'd be no stopping her from hearing things then. Rainbow Dash fidgeted, suddenly feeling trapped inside the hotel room. At last, with a sullen sigh, she slipped out of bed, dragging two blankets and a pillow along with her.

Minutes later, after toweling the bottom of the shower stall dry, Rainbow closed the bathroom door behind her and laid her blankets out inside the tub. Fluffing her pillow, she laid down and sighed contentedly. She produced six words to the tile walls, and fell asleep with a dull smile across her face.

Take a Hit

Rainbow Dash lay limp on the grass. Her feathers twitched. Her lips curled and uncurled.

Weakly, she darted her eyes up, unable to move her face... not even a single inch.

Applejack stood several feet away, bucking an apple tree in the center of the glistening orchards.

Rainbow Dash winced. Her hooves shifted slightly, but remained limp, heavy like dead weights.

Applejack bucked the tree some more. Apples fell into a basket. She shoved the container towards a wagon and paused to wipe the sweat from her brow. Her freckles shimmered in the hot sun.

Just then, a figure trotted towards her from afar.

Rainbow's breath left her. She opened her mouth to say something. No words came out.

Stu Leaves came up to Applejack from behind. He nuzzled the mare. She looked back towards him, smiling. Both laughed.

Rainbow gritted her teeth. Her insides burned. She exhaled heavily, trying to say something. Once again, the mare was mute.

Stu Leaves leaned in, brushing his cheek against Applejack's. The earth pony cooed. Staring at him lovingly, she took her hat off and placed it squarely on his head. Both smiled at one another.

Rainbow bit her lip until it bled. Her eyes reflected the muzzles of both equines as they came together.

Fresh grass and flowers sprouted out of the rolling hills of Sweet Apple Acres. Rainbow's body was sliding back, gliding icily like driftwood across a frosted lake's surface.

Stu Leaves and Applejack grew more and more distant. Stu was nibbling on Applejack's ear and neck as the mare sighed in pleasure. They disappeared beyond the hill. As soon as Applejack's orange coat was gone, the sky darkened, as of bereft of all sunlight.

Rainbow slid faster and faster into shadow. She couldn't move. She couldn't cry. Her eyes darted about in helpless circles as the trees rolling past her grew dead and deader. Leaves vanished against the darkening sky, and the grass gave way to ash and barren bedrock.

Then, to her left, Rainbow slid past a skinny waif of a stallion. She gasped, and he turned to look at her. Rainbow's father was sad, sullen. There was no warmth to his emaciated face. With a look of shame, he hung his head, then collapsed against the top of the hill just beyond the vanishing point.

Rainbow wanted to scream. Instead, she rolled over...

...and collided her skull with the side of the tub.

Bonk!

"Ouch!" Rainbow gritted her teeth, clutching her head and wincing.

Seconds later, she gasped, flapping her wings as she hovered in the center of the shower stall.

The hotel bathroom loomed around her, dull and empty and quiet.

A minute limped by, and Rainbow slumped in midair, sighing.

"Damn... friggin' breadsticks..."

He face hung, long and melancholic.

Blinking, she glanced at the door. A dim light illuminated the crack at the bottom of the frame. Fidgeting, she ultimately decided to reach forward and turn the knob, opening her way to the rest of the hotel room.

Soft Mornings

It was morning outside. Rainbow could see the cold glow of dawn from beyond the hotel window's drapes. It illuminated Applejack's sleeping form in a dull sheen.

"Huh..." The pegasus murmured to herself. She hovered across the room on thin feathers, so as to be even more soundless. "Sonuvagun. I actually beat Applejack to waking for once." She giggled breathily, then sighed.

Silence.

Rainbow Dash's eyes fell on Applejack's still figure, which was how she realized that she was now hovering almost directly above the mare. A tight knot formed in her throat, and she clenched her teeth to the point of cracking.

Applejack's ears were folded back. Her lips remained pursed open, and her two forelimbs were curled around one another, like a demure schoolfilly's. It was a rare instance in which the usually-strong mare looked tender, fragile, delicate. The faint glow of morning light brought out the pale gleam in her freckles.

Rainbow exhaled. She knew that she could stay there, hovering in place, staring at that angelic image for hours, but she was already starting to feel terrible for such an indulgence. So, with a slight shudder, she forced her gaze to look elsewhere.

And that's how her eyes fell on a certain brown article lying next to Applejack's bedside.

"Hrmmm..." Rainbow Dash smirked to herself. "Never leave home without it," she murmured. She turned to fly back towards the bathroom... but suddenly stopped in place. "... ... ..." She looked at Applejack.

Applejack's left ear twitched, then was still again. She continued breathing softly into the soft covers of her bed, blissfully asleep.

"... ... ..." Slowly, Rainbow Dash drifted over towards the table. She descended just low enough to stay afloat without disturing Applejack with the breeze from her flapping wings. Then, limbs tingling, she reached a hoof out towards the hat. She touched the brim of it, feeling its felt surface. Slowly, she started tilting it upwards.

"Mrmmm..." Applejack trilled in her sleep, like a fitful kitten. She shifted slightly, curling even tighter under the blankets.

Rainbow Dash's hoof had stopped. She gazed at Applejack. Finally, after a long breath or two, she smiled. Her nostrils flare, and she gently... quietly released her grip of the hat, letting it settle back onto the tabletop.

A twinge of guilt fluttered through Rainbow's heart. She felt warm, positively boiling inside. She hadn't realized it until she sensed the cold knobs beneath her hooves, but she had flown over to the window. Within seconds, she had it open to the cold breeze of an early morning. The distant, ambient sounds of a waking city tickled her ears. Squinting, Rainbow opened the window the rest of the way and hovered outside.

There was no balcony to the window. A shallow ledge loomed just beneath the frame, overlooking the sleepy gray depths of the Atlantrot streets below. With a prolonged sigh, Rainbow Dash perched on the very ledge, sitting tall and alert like a fuzzy blue gargoyle. She stared at the mist-kissed skyscrapers of the maretropolis all around her. The sun was just beyond the mountains. Within a few minutes, it would peek beyond the jagged ridges, and its golden rays would reflect sharply off the buildings all around, turning the cityscape into a blinding kaleidoscope.

For the time being, Rainbow Dash reveled in the peace and tranquility of the moment. Her tail flicked occasionally as her lungs quivered with the warm rememberance of the beauty that lay sleeping in the room behind her. She wasn't entirely sure why, but she felt incredibly warm and toasty inside. The memory of a melancholic dream faded away with the morning light, and she smiled into the haze of the virgin day.

"No! Don't do it! Please!"

Rainbow's muzzle scrunched. She blinked, glancing left... glancing right...

"For Celestia's sake! Just stay right there!"

At last, Rainbow Dash glanced straight down.

Several floors down, an earth pony stood on the sidewalk, gesturing at her. "I don't know what you're thinking, b-but you're not alone!" he exclaimed in a panicked voice, his face wrought with concern. "There are ponies who are here for you! Whatever you're dealing with, it can't be so bad that you have to give up everything!"

"Err..." Rainbow's voice cracked. "What are you talking about, fella?"

"Life is beautiful! Don't give it up! Don't jump!"

"Uhhhh... eheh..." Rainbow Dash bore a bashful smile. She stretched her wings out on either side of her, wagging her eyebrow at the stallion below.

The pony blinked. "Oh... Oh!" He blushed, red as a beet, and fidgeted where he stood. "Uhhhh... eheheh..." He waved nervously. "Carry on then! Enjoy your m-morning!"

"Heh... sure thing, pal!" Rainbow saluted. "Good morning to you too!"

"Nnnngh..." Applejack stirred, suddenly waking up with a groggy breath. "Mrmmmf... s-sugarcube?" She sat up, squinting her green eyes at the window. "What... in tarnation is goin' on?"

"Hmmm?" Rainbow glanced back at her. She smiled. "Oh, nothing. Go back to bed."

"But I'm..." Applejack deflated back to the crumpled covers. "...already... in bed... hrmmmmzzzz..."

Rainbow Dash smiled... then smiled some more. Her wings twitched as she gazed back at the city skyline. "Heheheh..." She laughed harder and harder, her eyes clenched shut as she suffered an uncontrollable wave of stupid giggles. "Hee hee hee!"

Orlandoats Bound

"Applejack..." Stu Leaves rolled his eyes from where he hitched himself to the front of the carriage. The three were gathered around the wagon at the front stoop to the hotel. Traffic and pedestrians wandered back and forth beside them in the noonday sun. "No matter how many times you count them, they're still going to be the same amount of cider crates!"

"You can never be too sure!" Applejack stammered, poking her head beneath the tarp covering the back of the wagon. "We've let these here jars alone for hours on end!"

"But you counted them the first moment we came down here!" Stu smiled. "Unless there are unicorns around here adept at thievery teleportation, which I doubt—"

"I've never been to this town!" Applejack said, fidgeting as she backed out of the tarp, adjusting her hat on her head. "Who knows what devious thangs are done in these streets everyday?"

"Applejack, it's Atlantrot, not Mareami," Rainbow Dash said with a smirk. "Just relax. You're delaying us enough."

"Hmmmph..." Applejack frowned. "Since when were you in such a hurry to get out of here?"

"I dunno." Rainbow shrugged. "I mean, Shindig's not going to wait forever, is she?" Smirking, she trotted over to the front of the wagon. "Move over, Stu."

"Huh?" Stu blinked at her. "Rainbow, I already volunteered to pull the wagon first."

"Right. And I'm gonna join you."

"You sure?" Stu nevertheless made room for her to attach herself to the wagon beside him. "I mean, there's going to be some rugged, elevated terrain along the way."

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow felt her limbs, reveling in their current strength and resolve. "I'm pretty sure I can handle it. Besides, I'm feeling really awake today."

"Well, if that ain't weird." Applejack hopped up into the front of the waggon, sitting her orange flank down. "Cuz you woke up ahead of me. I'm still tryin' to wrap my head around it."

"Look, AJ, just 'cuz I'm used to sleeping on clouds for a living doesn't mean I don't know how to beat the sun." Rainbow winked. "I've got a gazillion breadsticks in my belly begging to be burned." She kicked her front hooves. "So come on! Let's do this!"

"Heh... alrighty then." Applejack gestured. "Stu?"

"Aaaaaaaaaaand it's Orlandoats bound!" He trotted ahead. Rainbow Dash matched his pace, and soon the two were pulling out into a space given by two carriages in the street. They made their way onto the main avenues, then followed the branching roads until they were moving southbound along the well-paved highway. Here, traffic moved at a far brisker pace, and Rainbow Dash guided Stu and the wagon into the left lane, allowing them to trot at the quickest speed possible.

"Yeeeeha!" Applejack smirked, leaning back as the wind kicked at her mane. "Whew! This is actually kind of exciting!"

"You're one to talk!" Stu huffed and puffed, galloping swiftly. "We in a race or something, Rainbow?"

"Depends!" Rainbow winked aside. "You game?"

"Ohhhhhhh don't go there." He chuckled. "You'll make this stallion's pegasus blood boil."

"Are all pegasi so dang competitive at heart?" Applejack asked.

"Nah." Rainbow smirked. "Only the awesome ones."

"Heheh..." Stu grinned. "I don't know whether or not I should feel insulted."

"Well, prove me wrong, hotshot!" Rainbow gestured forward with her head. "Looks like there's a procession of freight wagons ahead! You think the two of us can pass them in the next five minutes?"

"Whew boyo..." Stu wheezed. "I can feel my heart failing already."

"Well?"

"Awwwwwww what the hay." Stu galloped faster, almost making Rainbow stumble as he accelerated the wagon even further. "If we do it in three minutes, you owe me a bottle of hay soda at the next rest stop!"

"Hah!" Rainbow giggled, matching his speed. "That's more like it, champ! Vrmmmmmmmmmmmm!"

"Heh..." Applejack gripped both her seat and hat as the wagon jostled along after the blazing pegasi. "I knew th-there was a reason I br-brought you two along!" They hit a rattling bump, and AJ's whole body flounced. "Whoah nelly!"

Stupid Leaves

"What I don't understand," Stu Leaves said, still wheezing, "Is how I ended up buying you a hay soda!"

"Simple!" Rainbow wiped the sweat from her brow and slumped back against the side of the wagon beside the stallion. The vehicle was parked off the highway besides a rest stop. "We agreed that I'd buy you a soda if we passed the convoy in three minutes! I know for a fact that we rode past them in a minute and a half!" Rainbow winked, slurping from her straw. "Mmmm... even Applejack counted!"

"Uh huh..." Stu Leaves stared down at the soil beneath him. "I should have known I'd end up paying somehow."

"Hey! When you raise the stakes, that's what you get!"

"Still, feels like it's going by your rulebook, not mine."

"You think we'd have sped past the convoy nearly as quickly as we did if we didn't have me around to give the wagon that super awesome boost?"

"Er..." Stu gulped, still catching his breath. "Good point."

"Don't worry, bucko." Rainbow closed her eyes with a pleasant smile as she sipped from the straw. "You'll earn your soda someday yet."

"Yeah. I guess." He blew out the side of his muzzle. "Stupid Leaves."

Rainbow paused in slurping. She glanced at him. "Hrmmm?" She released her lips from the straw. "What was that?"

"Oh, nothing."

"Nah, out with it!" Rainbow smirked. "I know I heard something!"

"It's a nickname I had back in Cloudsdale." He chuckled awkwardly. "I... uh... tend to be somewhat gullible." He gulped. "Lots of colts and fillies loved to call me 'Stupid Leaves' as a foal. They meant it only in teasing, of course. But I found—as I grew up—that I more or less lived up to the monicker."

"Oh, dude..."

"I guess some things just never leave ya, huh?"

"Don't be getting all down on yourself!" Rainbow Dash shrugged. "So you lost a bet! So what?"

Stu squinted at her. "Why do I get the distinct feeling that you're not a mare who's used to losing?"

"Erm..." Rainbow bit her lip. "Well, to win some, you gotta lose some. And I've been on both sides of the finishing line, if you catch my drift."

"Pffft. Now you're just being humble."

"Better to be humble than self-deprecating." Rainbow waved. "Cloudsdale is behind you, dude. You're in Ponyville now. None of this Stupid Leaves nonsense. You deserve better than that."

"You th-think so?"

"Why not?" Rainbow smirked. "You're polite. You're helpful. You face multiple challenges with a stiff-upper lip. Heck... I'd even go so far to say that you're the loyalest stallion I've ever met."

"Loyalest... stallion..." Stu smiled dumbly. His tail flicked. "I kind of like the sound of that."

"Granted, some ponies likely philosophize to be super loyal you've gotta be super stupid as well..."

"Huh?"

"But hey! It all works for me!" Rainbow winked. "And I certainly know how to get by! Don't sell yourself short, buddy. Especially not over a measely soda."

"Heh. Thanks, Rainbow." He grinned. "You know, you're really—"

Just then, Applejack trotted up. "Well, lookie here! Glad to know y'all ain't dead tired after all that nonsensical gallopin'!"

"We're in it for the long run, Applejack," Stu said, nevertheless wheezing. "Don't count us out yet."

"I dun aim to. Here." Applejack lowered a ice-cold cup of soda into Stu's grasp. "That should bring more squeaks to your joints."

"Wow!" Stu blinked, cradling the cup with a bright grin. "Thanks!"

"Awwwwwwww no fair!" Rainbow Dash stuck her tongue out. "I bet you'd make the kind of hoofball coach who would give all the foals trophies even though they lost the season!"

"Oh hush!" Applejack tilted the brim of her hat back. "We're all on the same team, ain't we?"

"Mmmmhmmm!" Stu nodded emphatically, slurping from his drink. He exhaled and looked up. "Where in Equestria did you get this?"

"From the vendor up a way's," Applejack said, pointing at the central buildings of the rest stop behind her. "They got some vittles too, if yer of a mind... or body."

"Shouldn't we get going on our way to Orlandoats?" Rainbow asked.

"Erm..." Applejack winced slightly, fidgeting. "Not quite so soon, y'all. Last night's supper isn't... exactly agreeing with me, so..."

"Ohhhhhhhh..." Rainbow nodded. "Go make apple seeds, girl. We'll hold up the fort."

"Thank ya kindly." Applejack shuddered, turning around and trotting swiftly towards the furthest building. "Whew-wee... times like this that I feel bad for Granny on a daily basis..."

"Heheheh..." Rainbow Dash shook her head. "Good thing we didn't bring a camera. That would have made for a killer entry in the scrapbook."

Stu Leaves stared off after Applejack, slurping from his straw.

"You know, now that I think about it, they only have one outhouse on Sweet Apple Acres." Rainbow rubbed her scalp, eyes thin in thought. "I mean, even with just Big Macintosh alone, you think that'd actually be enough?"

Stu fidgeted, eyes tracing the grass line beside the wagon.

"I suppose Apple Bloom could use a bedpan. Or a spittoon."

At last, Stu raised his lips from his straw and murmured, "Uhm... Rainbow Dash?"

"Hmmm?" She glanced over. "What?"

"You're Applejack's closest friend, aren't you?"

Rainbow blinked at that. She had to bite her lip extra hard to keep from blushing. "Uhm... wow... I guess. I-I mean, all things considered, yeah..." She smiled, wings twitching. "I suppose I am."

"So you've known her for a long time?"

"Long enough."

"Good." Stu Leaves squirmed, rolling the cup side to side in his forelimbs. "Because... because I was wondering..." He suddenly winced, his ears folding. "Oh... forget it."

"What?"

"Nothing. Really. It's nothing."

"Out with it, dude!" Rainbow Dash chuckled. She sloshed her drink around and prepared to take another sip. "We're on this road trip together, aren't we? No reason for us not to trust each other!"

Stu Leaves' brow furrowed. Finally, with a deep breath, he asked, "Do you think Applejack might be... m-might be interested in having a coltfriend?"

Plop! Rainbow Dash dropped her cup, spilling soda across the soft soil. "... ... ..." She blinked straight ahead. Her ears twitched, one after another.

"Or is she... y'know... not looking for a special somepony?"

Rainbow sighed long and hard. She breathed out the side of her muzzle. "Stupid Leaves..."

Stu glanced sideways at her. "What was that?"

"Come." She took the soda cup from his hooves and placed it down on the ground. "Fly with me."

"Uhhhh..."

She flapped her wings, lifting up into the sky. "We need to talk."

Stu gulped and smiled awkwardly. "Sure thing!" He darted after her as the two pegasi lifted up into a fluffy bed of clouds.

Lay It On Me Thick

"Wow... uh..." Stu Leaves fidgeted slightly, feeling a gust of wind blow through his mane. "So we had to 'go talk' really high, huh? Heheh..."

Rainbow Dash spun to face him, her forelimbs folded. "Now, how about you try asking yourself what you just asked me."

His eyes twitched. "Buh?"

"Say it out loud." Rainbow's eyes narrowed. "The question you just asked."

"Uhm..." Stu Leaves gulped, avoiding Rainbow's gaze "Is... uh... Applejack looking for a special somepony?"

Rainbow leaned her head to the side. "Now, think really hard. Don't you already have an answer to that question?"

"Uhm... yes?" Stu gawked at her.

Rainbow glared back.

Stu bit his lip. His flapping wings drooped slightly. "Er... no..."

"Just think about it, dude." Rainbow said. "Applejack... our Applejack." She struggled not to wince at saying that. "Do you really think she's romance material? I-I mean... with all the work she does on the farm, and all the time she dedicates to her family, and how business-minded she is—"

"All the more reason for the extra support on a regular basis!" Stu said with a hopeful grin.

"From you... right?"

"Well..." Stu rubbed his forelimbs together, gazing down at the distant earth. "Maybe."

"Do you even hear yourself, pal?" Rainbow's voice cracked. "You can't say a single darn thing with any amount of sureity!"

"Er..."

"Even if Applejack was wanting a significant other, would it really involve a pony who's constantly self-doubting himself? She's strong and independent and super friggin' serious! She wouldn't want some wishy-washy soul to hold her back—"

"Look, Rainbow Dash, I... I-I get it." He gulped. "I really do. And, honestly, I didn't really think there was any hope in the first place." He gazed up at her with a melancholic glance. "That's why I came to you. Because you're so important to Applejack, and Applejack's so important to you. Back in Cloudsdale, I was known all over the skies for flying head over tail or saying things that shoved my hoof into my mouth. But here? Now that I've moved to Ponyville? I... I wanted to do things differently. I wanted to do things the smart way. That's why I... I-I'm trying not to ruin something that's very special."

"And what's that?"

He shrugged. "Friendship," he said.

Rainbow Dash blinked.

"And, yeah... I admire Applejack." He smiled, his cheeks suddenly rosy. "I mean... I really really admire her. Who couldn't? She's strong. She's honorable. She's loyal and honest and courageous."

"She's sexy as all get-out," Rainbow droned.

"Heheh! Yeah! She—" He did a double-take at her.

Rainbow winced. "Sorry. I'll stop putting words in your mouth."

"It's not about that. Honest," he said. "When I first stopped by Applejack's farm, I thought I was only going to deliver a package for the local postal service. But it turns out that Applejack needed a helping hoof for the Sisterhooves Social. I... I can't explain it. It's like she looked clear across Sweet Apple Acres and saw in me a stallion who wanted to do useful things and feel useful. I had just come from a defunct social life in Cloudsdale. Ponyville was my new opportunity, and suddenly here this wonderful mare was, giving me hope. And she's never been fake or patronizing about it. She makes me fully aware of my faults, but only so I can improve myself each and every day. Never before have I felt my future come so alive. It just... makes me feel so warm inside. So, naturally, I g-guess I thought..." He gazed off towards the horizon, his eyes blinking as he muttered in a wavering voice, "...how wonderful it would be if this feeling was something I was meant to share... with trust." He bit his lip, shivering slightly.

Rainbow gazed at him softly, her lips pursed.

He sighed heavily. "Yes, well..." He turned towards her with a nervous smile. "Ahem. The reason... uh... that I asked you, Rainbow Dash, is precisely for this kind of a wake-up call. Someday, I dunno when, I'm going to stop mixing up true friendship with vague romantic notions. I guess I just can't help being who I am, but I can definitely hold who I am at bay. I don't want to hurt Applejack's feelings, which is why I'll never broach the subject with her." Nevertheless, he hung his head with an inward groan. "It's probably all for the best, anyways."

Rainbow gulped and nodded. "That's a very easy thing to tell oneself, isn't it?"

He looked up at her, quizzically. "Huh?"

Rainbow bit her lip.

Lay It On Me Thicker

"Stu, I can... I-I can imagine how hard it must be to have to hold back," Rainbow said. "But, think about it: just how better could things possibly be if you were to cross that threshhold?"

"You mean if I asked Applejack if she wanted to go out?" Stu blinked. "Well, I for one, would feel on top of the world! Heheh..."

"And what of Applejack's feelings?" Rainbow flew closer. "She's got so much on her plate as it is. From looking after her aging Grandmother to playing foster mother to her baby sister to being the emotional anchor to Big Macintosh..." Rainbow shook her head. "I wouldn't ask for that mare's life for all the tea in Chyneigh. And yet... she handles it so well... and with such amazing grace and finesse and... and... awesomeness!" Rainbow produced a teeth-glinting grin, but it didn't last long.

Stu stared curiously at her.

Clearing her throat, Rainbow continued. "With all of those things in consideration, don't you think it should be up to Applejack to decide when and where she should seek out a significant other? I mean, who are we.... who are you to decide for her what's best in life." Rainbow shrugged. "I mean, it's super cool that you're going about this the safe and considerate way, but it also feels kind of creepy to talk about her supposed love life behind her back."

"You're right." Stu hung his head. "I'm sorry."

"What—snkkkt—what are you apologizing to me for?"

"Well, you're her best friend." Stu gulped. "And the last thing I want to do is appear like I'm trying to invade on her life and—"

"Stu, I hate to break it to ya—heh—but you're a stallion." Her eyes glinted. "And a pegasus one to boot. I should be thanking my lucky stars you haven't—like—dry humped her Stetson by now."

He frowned slightly. "Aren't you overgeneralizing things?"

"Prejudice doesn't exist without an ounce of truth," Rainbow said. "I gotta admit, the moment I first heard that you and Applejack were hanging out a lot, I... I-I had my fears."

"Oh?"

"Not for AJ's sake, mind you. I mean... pfft... if you were the type of stallion to pull a fast one on her, she'd buck you into next year. And I don't mean in the good kind of way."

"Eheh..." Stu Leaves rolled his eyes. "Don't I know it."

"Nah, I was just..." Rainbow sighed. "I was just concerned in general. Applejack's been through some rough spots as of late. She doesn't need any further complications to screw things up. And, no offense, Stu, I believe that making such a move as you're proposing would complicate things unnecessarily. That's what a lot of stallions don't seem to get about mares. I mean—we have complex and busy careers too, y'know? Pausing to nuzzle a special somepony in the middle of a busy schedule isn't going ot make things a gazillion times better overnight. Sometimes we just have to wait for the right moment or... y'know..." She sighed. "...wait for forever."

"But don't you think that's casting Applejack's life in a very lonely light?"

"Lonely?" Rainbow smirked at him. "Stu, she's surrounded by family."

"Will that always be the case?"

"And she's surrounded by friends," she added with a scathing smirk. "And one of those friends can be you, if you let it be."

"Yeah..."

"Some ponies are just awesome enough to be around." Rainbow gulped, gazing off across the random clouds. "Isn't being friends enough? Must we... ruin things by expecting more...?" She bit her lip, hugging herself to fight a wall of shivers.

"I wish I could see things as plainly as you do, Rainbow Dash," Stu said. "Somehow, I feel as though I'm getting there gradually, day by day." He chuckled breathily. "I have ponies like Applejack to thank for it. Now I have you to thank for it as well."

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow winced. "I'd say 'you're welcome,' but I wouldn't want to—"

"No. I get it." He slowly shook his head. "It's never easy to give a friend the cold, hard facts. Especially when it's in everypony's best interests."

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow gulped. "I'm used to doing what's in everypony's best interests."

"The gift of Loyalty, eh?"

She avoided his gaze, fidgeting somewhat. "Yeah, I guess."

"I promise I won't do anything to compromise my friendship with Applejack, Rainbow Dash," Stu said. "I wasn't even planning on it. The 'Stupid Leaves' of Cloudsdale may have been all for that, but not me. Not now." He took a deep breath. "I just needed to share my feelings in confidence with somepony who cared about her as well."

"And I promise not to tell her or anypony else about it," Rainbow said. She gazed at him. It took a sizable amount of effort to unclench her jaws before she said, "You are... a good friend, Stu." She gulped. "Applejack should consider herself lucky."

"Yes, well... eheh... she's even luckier to have you—" He froze, glancing at Rainbow Dash in a sudden new light.

Rainbow blinked.

"Wait a second..." Stu grinned. "Now I get it..." He grinned even more. "But of course! That explains everything!"

"Wh-what?"

"Applejack's not a friend to you at all."

Rainbow's heart went cold.

Stu winked. "She's like a sister to you."

Rainbow twitched. "Oh!" She rolled her eyes back, exhaling her lungs in a loud burst. "Hah! Yeah... that's us, alright!" She giggled, wheezed, and giggled some more. "Sisters from another mother! Apples to the core!"

Stu chuckled, kicking at a cloud rolling beneath them.

Rainbow swiped the sweat off her brow and shuddered. "Eeyup."

Apple Hard

"Whew..." Applejack took a sip from a canteen, then wiped her brow in the bright glow of the afternoon. "They weren't kiddin' when they named it the 'Sunshine Province.'" She fanned herself while glancing down at the two ponies drawing the cart. "Just how far back did we cross the official dividin' line?"

"About eleven miles," Stu Leaves said.

"Thirteen," Rainbow said.

"Was it thirteen?"

"Yup."

"Thirteen it is, then!"

"Heh... reckon there are times when I envy pegasi and yer natural coordination."

"Pffft. Please." Rainbow Dash smirked at a pine forest looming humidly on either side of a blissfully flat stretch of highway. "This is nothing. If you want a real trick, blindfold us, spin us around three times, and get us to tell you which way is north while upside down."

"But get us drunk first," Stu added.

"Heeheehee... yeah!" Rainbow grinned. "What he said."

"Nuh uh." Applejack shook her head. "Dun be gettin' any bright ideas. This here cider stock is for Shindig."

"Awwww. But you opened one crate for us already!"

"Yes, but now y'all've ruined yer chance with yer sass."

"Luna poop," Rainbow stuck her tongue out.

"Hmmmm..." Stu Leaves twitched his nose. "'Sassy Leaves...'"

"Quite while yer ahead, fella," Applejack said. "It dun suit ya."

"Awwwww..."

"Besides." Rainbow Dash chuckled. "That's totally a drag queen name."

"Snkkkt!" Applejack held a hoof over her muzzle. "Rainbow! Heavens to Betsy!"

"I don't get it." Stu blinked. "What would I be dragging?"

Rainbow rolled her eyes, sighing with a tired smile. "Never change, Stu..."

"Tarnation..." Applejack took another swig of her canteen. "It's like the swelterin' pits of Tartarus down here!"

"You doing okay, Applejack?" Stu asked, glancing back. "You're sweating a lot, and you were having to use the facilities for a long time earlier."

"I dun told you. Last night's meal disagreed with me, is all. I'm fine now. As for the sweat, you should see yourself!"

"Heh... yeah..." Stu wiped his brow, glancing ahead as he continued trotting alongside Rainbow. "It's kind of a downer when you're visitin' Fillyda for something other than a vacation, isn't it?"

"Well, at the next stop, we'll switch places. How's that?"

Stu and Rainbow exchanged glances, then looked ahead. "Nope," both said at once.

Applejack did a double-take. "No...?"

"You gotta save your strength for tomorrow," Rainbow said.

"Yeah!" Stu smiled. "After all, you wanna make a good impression on Shindig when you meet her!"

"Y'all gotta be kiddin' me." Applejack leaned forward in the wagon's seat, frowning. "This is my cider and my wagon! I'd look like a plum fool if I let two friends of mine pull it onto the grounds instead of me!"

"You'd sound like an even bigger fool if you groaned and whimpered from the simplest hoof-shake!" Rainbow said. "We didn't come all this way just for you to wear yourself out or pull a muscle or something at the last second!"

"Pfft! I ain't no dainty pillow cushion, Rainbow!"

"Nope. You're a businessmare." Rainbow winked back at her. "And Shindig's going to be looking for your skills there! So, as your friends--and servants--we're going to do all the gruntwork while you focus on the hard stuff."

"Yeah!" Stu chuckled. "Like kissing up to Shindig without putting your lips to her horseshoes!"

"Ungh..." Applejack winced. "Now, when y'all put it like that."

"Heheheheh..."

Applejack frowned. "There's no point in fightin' you two, is there?"

"Eenope."

"Hmmph. Fine. I'll focus on presentin' myself all professional-like." She sat back with her forelimbs crossed. "But darned if I won't feel awful about y'all bein' worn to the bone."

"Don't worry. I here there're plenty of lakes in Fillyda," Rainbow Dash said. "We can go dunk our heads in the water if we feel heat stroke coming on."

"Yeah. I here there's plenty of cool water in them there alligator bellies."

"Yup. We get all the lizard fun while you sit in a stuffy office somewhere and talk business."

"Hardy har har..." Applejack wiped her brow again. "Seriously. When did the two of you start conspirin' behind my back?"

Stu glanced at Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow smirked. "Next time, don't be on the can so long."

"I shoulda brought Fluttershy along instead."

"Nah. She would have wept over the breadsticks."

"Hmm. Good point."

Get it? 'Cuz Fillyda

Get it? 'Cuz Fillyda

"Okay, I give up." Rainbow Dash dropped the spoon into her soup bowl and looked wildly over her shoulder. "What in the blue fudge is that noise?!"

Applejack smiled from where she sat, stirring a pot of broth in the middle of the flickering campsite. "Cicadas. They really know how to make the air buzz somethin' awful, dun they?"

"The heck is a cicada?!" Rainbow Dash cackled. The three of them sat under the hushed red glow of a dying evening. Their camp was situated just between a highway and the forest. A bed of pine needles acted as cushioning under their shuffling hooves while they laid out their sleeping mats and settled for dinner. "I don't remember anything in Ponyville being that friggin' loud!"

"I've heard 'em," Stu said between hungry mouthfuls of soup.

"You have?! When?"

"When I flew deliveries over the Everfree Forest!"

"Pfft. Since when did the Everfree Forest have cicadas?"

"They're all over the place this time of night," Applejack said. "You can even hear 'em from the edge of Sweet Apple Acres."

"Oh..." Rainbow Dash gazed into the fire, searching her mind. "You mean those things that go Wrii-oh wrii-oh wrii-oh?"

"Eeyup."

"Yeah. Those things are silly. But this nonsense is nothing but WRIIIIIIIIII!"

"Careful." Stu smirked and took another sip. "You might attract them. No sense in a bunch of paper-winged bugs trying to make love to your nostrils overnight."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaand there goes my appetite." Rainbow Dash slumped back on her haunches, folding her forelimbs. "Thanks."

"Heheheh..." Applejack finished rolling out her pack. "Dun worry, sugarcube. I got you covered." She reached into the wagon and tossed Rainbow Dash a spray can. "Here."

Rainbow caught it. "What's this?"

"Bug repellant. For the mosquitoes."

"Oye... seriously?"

"Fillyda's a big peninsula covered all over in lakes and swamps! I know we ain't in the thick of it yet, but you'll see once it gets dark out. This place is bug town!"

"I've no frickin' clue why so many old ponies try to move down here."

"What's the matter, Rainbow Dash?" Stu Leaves chuckled. "You always struck me as the rugged type! I figured some bugs would be something you'd shrug off!"

"Hey, I-I don't mind being rugged." Rainbow frowned. "At least not up in Ponyville where you don't feel like you're swimming every time you take a breath. Also where the bugs don't sound like they're practicing for high school band!" Rainbow growled over her shoulder. "Knock it off, will ya?!"

Applejack chuckled. "Try growling louder, darlin'. I don't think the whole Province heard ya."

"For real." Rainbow Dash sighed, shaking the can and giving the end sof her hooves a slight fritz. "Why don't the local yokels consider escorting the creepy crawlies—I dunno—somewhere a bit further away from the main road? There've gotta be some pegasi around here who are bug-whisperers in their off time."

"Where've they got to go?" Applejack chuckled. "This is Fillyda, Rainbow Dash. There ain't no winter. Hence, no winter-wrap-up."

"No winter-wrap-up." Rainbow gulped. "That's mind-breaking. It's practically halfway Everfree. You sure you wanna run a citrus farm down here?"

"Heh... don't see why not." Applejack smiled. "Besides, I'm sure I'll be too busy with the cider factory to even register the wildlife."

"Yeah. You have a point. Still." Rainbow smirked. "Bring some extra bits! You should be able to pay some unicorn... any unicorn to shoo the pests away!"

"Oh for Celestia's sake—we're headed into Central Fillyda, Rainbow!" Applejack guffawed. "That's about as far away from magic as you can get!"

"Something tells me she's trying to talk you into staying in Ponyville permanently," Stu said.

Rainbow hissed, the hair on her back rising up. "Stuff it, Leaves! I am not!"

Stu merely chuckled.

"Though... it'd be really swell if you found a way to avoid having to be gone all the time," Rainbow said, fidgeting with her bangs, avoiding Applejack's gaze. "Assuming everything goes awesomely with Shindig, of course."

"Hmmmm..." Applejack poured herself a bowl and sat down across from the pegasus. "How about this." She took a sip and waved her spoon, smiling. "If I get the factory, I'll stay in Ponyville and you'll get to live down here from time to time!"

Rainbow Dash sighed, wincing.

"That better? Hmmm?"

"I dunno..." Rainbow Dash shrugged. "So long as I get to bring my cloud home, I guess."

"Oh, I wouldn't do that," Stu said.

"Why not?"

"It'd just get blown away once or twice a year by hurricanes."

"You mean there are hurricanes too?!"

Applejack and Stu both chuckled.

Dash Fried

"There's no tellin' how long I'm gonna be with Shindig tomorrow," Applejack said, staring across the campfire from her sleeping bag. "It could take a few hours. It could take all day."

"Don't worry, AJ." Stu Leaves fought a long yawn, nuzzling his cheek against the plush fabric of his sleeping bag. He smiled pleasantly, eyelids fluttering shut. "Take as long as you want. We won't be far away."

"Wherever the nearest tree is," Rainbow Dash muttered. "Whatever produces a good shade. You can bet your golden head we'll be there."

"Awww... I'm sure they'll have a nice, cool place for y'all to wait indoors." Applejack smiled tiredly. "This Province ain't all sweat and grit!"

"I've seen enough of it today. I'm not counting on it."

"For real. Shindig will probably have... I dunno..." Applejack shrugged. "An air-conditioned lobby or something."

"You think you'll have any luck getting workhooves to operate the factory once you own this place?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Bet you'll have to pay them in ice cold lemonade. Whew."

"Heheheh... well, let's not be countin' any chickens before they're hatched," Applejack said.

"Would it kill you to think positively?" Rainbow grunted.

"Bein' positive is one thang. Bein' realistic is another."

"You wanna know what's realistic?" Rainbow's eyes narrowed. "You're as serious and hard-working as ponies get. If Shindig looks past you, then she's gotta be suffering from heat-stroke or some garbage!"

"Heh..." Stu cooed. "What she said."

Applejack chortled. "Nighty night, sleepy head. Thanks for pullin' the wagon like a good boy all day."

"Hmmmmm..." Stu drifted off, wings slack. "Good... boy..."

Applejack smiled softly. She glanced back over at Rainbow. "The two of you have been gettin' along so well lately."

"Yeah, well." Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Either that or die of backsweat down here."

"Seriously, sugarcube. For a moment there, I was mighty scared this trip would go all frosty-like."

"Why's that?"

"I dunno." Applejack turned over, staring up at the stars. Her body rippled like a golden flame through the heat vapors of the campfire. "Y'all are like polar opposites. I figured I'd be pullin' the wagon all this time. But, turns out, I didn't have nothin' to worry about."

"Well, of course not!" Rainbow Dash sat up, blinking. "I mean, what do you take us for, AJ? We're all in this together!"

Applejack tilted her head until her green eyes were staring at Rainbow Dash upside down.

The pegasus smiled. "We both wanna see you get your heart's desire. Or, in this case, your bit bag's desire. Why'd we ever wanna mess that up?"

Slowly, the earth pony mare smiled. "Is anypony in Equestria luckier?" Slowly, she shook her head. "Such loyal... whizzbangin' friends..."

"Hey..." Rainbow winked with a smirk. "That's how we make such a great team! Stu brings the whizz and I bring the bang."

"Heheheheheh..." Applejack hugged herself inside the sleeping bag, gazing into the fire. "It's almost as if..." She blinked, and her face fell deadpan. "Awwwww never mind."

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"I'd better get some shuteye," Applejack said, curling up inside the sleeping bag. "I suggest ya do the same. Since I can't convince you two to let me carry the wagon into Shindig's ranch tomorrow, I'm gonna need my friends in top-notch rested condition. Ya hear?"

"Uh... sure! Anything for you, AJ."

Applejack let out a lasting sigh and was still.

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash stared at her. She glanced over at where Stu slept, and she chewed on her lip. Finally, she curled up under her own sleeping bag and closed her eyes.

Aprroximately half a minute passed.

"...nnnngh... ugh." Already sweating, she kicked out of the sleeping bag, hovered, smoothed it out, and laid out on top, blue coat exposed to the humid air. "If I'm gonna cook, might as well let my good side get roasted first." And, mumbling, she eventually drifted off into a sweaty sleep.

Some Stories You Have to Finish Yourself

When Rainbow Dash heard the sobs, she thought they were her own. She awoke with a start, ears twitching skyward. With a dull groan, she stood up, blinking across the humid encampment. The fire had died to a smoldering pile of ash, winking with sporadic orange embers.

The shuddering breaths continued, pronounced and breathy. They were coming from Applejack's side of the camp.

"Nnngh... AJ?" Rainbow Dash tilted her head. "What... what g-gives, girl?"

There was no response, at least not at first. Then the air was punctuated by something that stabbed coldly through Rainbow's lungs, freezing her frightfully in place.

"... .... ...Applejack?"

The mare was whimpering, her voice squeaky and high pitched. Without realizing it, Rainbow Dash had become airborne and was hovering over the sweaty mare in a flash.

"Applejack, are you okay?!" Rainbow hissed quietly.

Her friend clearly wasn't. She tossed and turned underneath her sleeping bag, her freckled face frozen in a perpetual grimace. Each breath was a wheezing thing, and a foalish tone produced words so quiet that they barely registered in Rainbow's ears.

"Mmmm... ghhh... Ma... Ma... yer hurtin'... please... please somepony help her..."

Rainbow's lips pursed. Gritting her teeth, she looked over to Stu's mat. The stallion was out like a light.

"Ma... why are ya hurtin' so much...?" Applejack's eyelashes formed beads of crystalline tears. Her teeth chattered as if it was below freezing. "Where's Pa? Did somethin' happen to you?" She curled her forelimbs to her chest. "Oh Ma... yer scarin' me. Macintosh. Granny. Do somethin'... Where's Pa?"

Rainbow bit her lip hard to keep from hyperventilating. She had never seen or heard Applejack so vulnerable. There was nothing even remotely endearing about it. The pegasus' blood ran cold as she hovered above the mare, lowering her hooves and preparing to wake her.

At some point, she lingered, nevertheless shivering. As much as it pained for Rainbow to witness Applejack like this, she suddenly wondered about the implications of jostling the mare awake. Applejack didn't need to wake up to such a horrid memory. There was no telling how embarrassed she might be. Or even worse, how shaken up she might be over the following day's meet-up with Shindig.

Rainbow fidgeted in midair. She started to panic, afraid that she was overthinking things. And yet, as the fever dream continued, and Applejack's face looked more and more pained, she realized she had to do something.

"Ma... j-just rest up... you'll get better... you've g-got to..." Applejack hissed through her teeth. A tear trickled down her cheek. "Please... please somepony... help her... help Ma..."

Gulping a lump down her throat, Rainbow Dash lowered closer to the angelic figure. "AJ..."

"She's sufferin' so much..."

"Applejack..." Rainbow Dash spoke in a firm yet hushed tone. "Applejack, it's... it's me..."

Applejack panted and panted. "Rainbow?" she mewled in a voice more infantile than even Apple Bloom could muster. She gulped, and the faintest hint of the strong and dependable mare bubbled to the surface. "It's my Ma... she's... she's sufferin' somethin' fierce..."

"No she isn't, Applejack."

"But... but she's right there and—"

"Applejack, I would not lie to you." Rainbow Dash's mouth hung open. She clenched her eyes shut and spoke in a steady tone. "Your mother is not suffering anymore." She gulped. "It's okay. Everything's going to be okay."

"She... she ain't...?"

"She's resting peacefully. So should you. You've got a lot to do tomorrow. Okay?"

Applejack panted and panted. Slowly, her muzzle curved. Rainbow Dash was almost relieved, but then the mare foalishly cooed, "Bedtime story?"

"I... nngh..." Rainbow Dash face-hoofed. She would have laughed her head off if she wasn't so busy wanting to crack her own skull open. "I... don't know any off the top of my head, Applejack..."

"Mmmmm..." Applejack nuzzled and nuzzled her cheek against the sleeping mat. "The one where... Pr-Prince Charming kisses his sweetheart awake."

Rainbow Dash's ears drooped. She hovered backwards in a cold drift, sighing gently. "I'm... not too fond of that one."

"But... but the story..."

"You'll have to finish it yourself, Applejack," Rainbow Dash said. She winced, but still found the strength to utter, "Try and make it a happy one."

"Hmmm... a happy one..." Applejack rubbed her cheek against the sleeping mat one last time and smiled. "Thanks, Ma... I will..."

As Applejack drifted back into a silent slumber, Rainbow Dash twirled around. "I know."

In melancholic motion, Rainbow Dash levitated back to her bed. Tightening her wings, she collapsed against the mat. It was over eighty degrees in the dead of night, and yet—even still—she found herself shivering. So, with a sniffle or two, she slid herself inside her mat and clenched her eyes shut.

For the next half-an-hour, Rainbow Dash gently cried by her lonesome. At last, she fell asleep, for it all felt too much like home.

==Part Fifteen: The Cider Princess Lives==

==Part Fifteen: The Cider Princess Lives==

"Whew! I'm jazzed! Are you jazzed?" Stu Leaves smiled as he briskly heaved one piece of rigging over himself after another, affixing himself to the wagon in the dim morning light. "Because I'm jazzed! Whew! Yeah!"

"Well, somepony definitely slept well!" Applejack said, tossing the last of their camping equipment into the back of the wagon. "And here I was almost afraid you would lose your spunk."

"Heh." Stu winked. "Never around you, AJ."

"I'm just gonna pretend that I didn't hear that." Applejack took a deep breath, stretching her lithe orange muscles as she basked in the rays of dawnlight. "Mmmmmm... eeyuppp. That certainly hits the spot!" She smirked, her face full of freckles and sunshine. "Land's sakes! Do I have a good feeling about today!"

"I know, right?" Stu smirked, giving his haunches a little shake as he tested the tightness of the reins. "I'd say let's get this over and done with!"

"Nah, I wanna take it easy on the way there." Applejack climbed into the wagon with a grunt. "Nnngh... no hurryin'. No stressin'. No sweatin'. Just get there easy and let me take care of the the hard part, ya feel me?"

"Not sure I can succeed in the 'no sweating' part," Stu said, chuckling nervously. "But I'll give it my all!"

"Not by yerself, you won't." Applejack called over the back of the wagon. "Rainbow? Rainbowwww!"

The pegasus was just then putting her sleeping bag away. She blinked blearily, her eyes still moist from a mostly restless, emotional night. She stared into the glossy edge of a cider carton. A sad-faced pegasus stared back.

Rainbow sighed, her ears drooping.

"Rainbow?!" Applejack craned her neck to look beyond the mountain of crates and cider samples. "Heavens to Besty, girl! Dun tell me it's still the breadsticks hauntin' yer belly!"

Rainbow took a deep breath. Bravely, she slicked her bangs back, cracked the joints in her neck, and exhaled through a devil-may-care grin. "Heh... breadsticks? Don't be lame, Applesnap!"

Trotting briskly, Rainbow Dash slid into her reins beside Stu Leaves and grind a hoof through the earth.

"So you wanna do this slowly, huh? How 'bout we just speed zig-zagged through a swamp instead? I could use the exercise... and danger."

"Uhhhhh..." Stu bit his lip.

"No joke, Rainbow," Applejack said. "Let's just do this nice and easy, okay? T'ain't no reason to startle Shindig in the manner we arrive."

"Awwwwww..." Rainbow stuck her tongue out into the air. "You're no fun." She nudged Stu beside her. "How about a race around the citrus farms later on while we wait for her to get finished with her Shindig shindig?"

"Uhhhhhhhh..."

"Pfft! As if you have a choice." Rainbow chuckled and began trotting. "Wagons ho!—and all that jazz."

"Guh!" Stu stumbled, struggling to match Rainbow's strong pace. "Er... r-right! Eheheh! All that jazz!"

Applejack squinted curiously at Rainbow Dash. She adjusted the brim of her hat, tightening the article on her crown. She glanced up at it, then at the camp that they were leaving behind. Her eyes squinted in brief thought, but she ultimately shook it off with a shrug, leaning back and mentally preparing her speech for Shindig as the wagon rolled back onto the highway and made its way south towards open pasture.

Part Fifteen: The Cider Princess Lives
(Where the Story Completely Flips its Lid)

Don't Soil Yourself

"Ahem." Applejack took a long, deep breath, then smiled pleasantly. "Howdy, Ms. Shindig! I'm Applejack, and these here are my wares. You have no idea just how big of a heapin' honor this is for me to be here. Feel free to sample my cider all you like. In the meantime, I'd very much like to discuss yer plans for the factory here. Anythang I can do to contribute to the mill's future success—as well as the orchards in general—would be downright spectacular! I think you'll find that I'm pretty darn experienced in dealin' with fruit buckin', be it apples or citrus. As a matter of fact, I've got oranges in my blood! If you have any doubt of that, I've included a signed letter from Aunt and Uncle Orange for reference. They're true blue Manehattanites, from my Ma's side, and I've always held a lifelong respect for oranges, lemons, and citrus in general!"

Silence. Applejack blinked forward. Then, with a nervous shudder, she glanced down at the ponies drawing the wagon in front of her.

"Ya reckon I shouldn't start the whole thang with 'Howdy?' I mean... ain't no use in hidin' the fact that I'm full of country grit n'all, but it don't seem too eloquent-like. And there's just no tellin' how fussy or refined Ms. Shindig is..."

"There's no point in pretending to be someone or somepony you're not, AJ!" Stu Leaves said while drawing the wagon down the lone dirt road. "If you ask me, there's nothing wrong with the tone of the dialogue..."

Applejack squinted. "...but?"

"Well, is that precisely what you plan to say?" Stu chuckled. "I mean, it's like you've got a gattling gun in your mouth!"

"How means you?"

"You keep vomiting out all of this... stuff. It doesn't come across as natural, but rather desperate. Yeah, sure, Shindig might ask you about your experience in citrus and oranges, but even though you anticipate that—don't jump the gun, for Celestia's sake!" He glanced back, smiling. "Just let the conversation flow naturally! If she asks about your experience, that is when you provide the information to her! Including the signed note from your Aunt and Uncle or whatnot. Just... don't rush into the conversation, firing on all cylinders!"

Applejack shuddered, leaning back in her seat. "Land's sakes... if I had known that the simple act greetin' Shindig would end up bein' so plum complicated..."

"Pffft! What's complicated about it?" Stu smiled wide. "You're Applejack! The most trusted and dependable pony in all of Ponyville! How could possibly not know how to have a pleasant conversation with somepony?"

"Well..."

"Just treat Shindig like you would the Mayor!" Stu said. "Or Twilight Sparkle! Or any of your visiting relatives from afar!"

"Hmmph..." Applejack smirked. "Ain't it rather presumptuous for me to pretend like she's related or somethin'?"

"Applejack, it's worth the suspension of disbelif if it means you're going to talk to her naturally and without coming across as stiff." Stu winked. "Take it from a stallion who's... er... had his fair share of practice when it comes to perfecting his first impression."

"Suffered a lot of trial and error, eh?"

Stu Leaves gulped. "More of the latter than the former. And you know what I've learned?"

"What?"

"Best not to sweat the small stuff... OR the big stuff. An interview is all about being yourself." He smiled again. "Just let your credentials speak for yourself, and treat the interviewer like an equine being. It'll all work out! Trust me! Your finesse and countrified dignity will win her over."

"Ya really think so?"

"Pffft. Would I lie to you?"

Applejack smirked. "I dunno, Stu. Sometimes I think ya ain't clever enough to."

"Awwwwwww... come onnnnn, AJ." Stu chuckled. "Don't cut me that low!"

Applejack giggled. "I can't help it! Yer always cuttin' yerself!"

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash was rolling her eyes. When she finished, she squinted ahead, blinking at a curious sight. "Uhm... guys?"

"Well, m-maybe I wouldn't be... uh... cutting myself half the time if I had more friends like you to teach me how to shave straight!"

"What in tarnation does that analogy even mean?"

"So I'm not that good at improv! Sue me!"

"Guys." Rainbow Dash stopped trotting, which forced Stu Leaves to grind to a halt. The wagon jostled slightly, its cider crates rattling against one another.

"Guh!" Applejack flinched, squinting down at the blue pegasus. "Rainbow? What gives?"

"That's exactly what I want to know." Rainbow Dash pointed ahead. "Look."

Applejack and Stu gazed directly ahead.

In front of them, the rusted metal gate to a fenced-off farm loomed. Beyond the barbed wire divider, rows upon rows of orange groves loomed in neatly arranged plots of land. Off in the distance, a large concrete building loomed, flanked by a few smaller structures. Beyond the buildings, a smattering of trees with red fruit loomed.

Besides the open gate right in front of the three ponies stood a tall sign, almost like a billboard. Plastered across it was the faded image of a yellow-coated mare with orange-streaked red hair. She held a glass of orange juice in one hoof and apple cider in the other. Her eyes were thin, glistening with an alluring mystique, and she bore a calm, subtle smile. Below her face, large words stretched in a bold font: "Shindig Soils: The Richest Fruit Produce In the South". Despite the impressive design of the sign, it appeared frayed in the edges, with papery strips of colored print fluttering loosely in the humid breeze.

"Well... that's certainly... uh... rustic," Stu Leaves said.

"Well, whaddya know?" Applejack grinned. "We're here!" She glanced down. "Thanks for the head's up, Rainbow. Reckon I was a mite distracted."

"Uhmmmm..." Rainbow Dash squirmed where she stood.

"What's the matter, sugarcube?"

"I dunno." Rainbow glanced back at her. "Doesn't it seem a bit... strange?"

"What does?"

"The way the gate's flung open like this? With nopony around?"

"Heheheh... Rainbow, darlin', it's a farm. Business begins before dawn at a place like this."

"Yeah, but... where is everypony?" Rainbow gestured. "Shouldn't there be a guard or something around? I mean, Shindig is supposed to be pretty big news, r-right?"

"I dunno." Applejack adjusted the brim of her hat. "Maybe the guards are away at the moment."

"Nopony's in the fields," Stu Leaves muttered, also squinting. "It does look... exceptionally barren."

"Nonsense!" Applejack exhaled. "They're just... just..." She blinked suddenly, her mouth hanging open.

Another hot breeze blew through the orchards, carrying with it the scent of oranges and leaves. It was dreadfully silent at the entrance to Shindig Soils. While the whole group stared, they couldn't spot one single body amidst the large and expansive plot of land.

Applejack gulped. "Let's... j-just head on towards the factory."

"Ya sure about that?" Rainbow Dash whispered as if someone may have been listening beyond the nearest orange groves. "I mean... how do we know we're welcome?"

"Weren't we invited or weren't we?"

"Erm..."

"Besides, I didn't have us trot all this way just to turn away now." Applejack took a deep breath, steeling herself. "I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this. Shindig's fixin' to retire, soon, ain't see? Maybe she's... downsized the fruit-buckin' staff since she sent out the invite."

"That would make some sense," Stu said, though his voice was monotone.

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. "Well, you heard the mare, Stu. Let's go."

"R-right..."

Slowly, apprehensively, the two pulled the wagon through the gate and down the long dirt path leading to the heart of the farmland.

Dig This Shindig

"Huh..." Applejack tapped her chin in thought.

Stu Leaves and Rainbow Dash exchanged glances while pulling the wagon up the road through Shindig's land. The petite pegasus glanced behind her. "'Huh' what?"

"Is that a good 'Huh' or a bad "Huh?'" Stu added.

Meanwhile, Applejack had been staring at the orange groves beyond the fences to the left and right of them. "Admittedly, I'm a mite rusty when it comes to proper orange-buckin', but dem trees dun look all too prim'n'proper."

"Applejack..." Stu Leaves chuckled. "They're orange groves, not ballroom dancers."

"For real, though." Applejack half-stood on her wagon seat, squinting beyond the brim of her hat as they passed row after row of trees. "The chutes are hangin' off the sides all gangly-like, and the grass around the trees are tall and unkempt."

"So?"

"So, it'd behoove a bunch of self-respectin' fruit pickers to keep this here plot of land lookin' a sight better than it does."

Rainbow Dash stared off into the fields on either side of them. To her, everything looked absolutely normal... or as "normal" as a field full of fruit trees could possibly look. She couldn't see the blemishes that her best marefriend could. However, she wasn't Applejack, and even the pegasus would admit to not having much of a green hoof.

"Say, come to think of it..." Stu Leaves blinked, glancing at the many orange grooves. "Aren't oranges supposed to be... y'know... orange?"

"That's what I'm sayin'!" Applejack grimaced slightly, pointing at a nearby throng of trees. "I swear, some of them oranges look like they've rotted up on the branches!"

Stu shrugged. "Maybe she's given up on that particular field? Don't you farmers do that from time to time? You let the trees go and just harvest their healthier parts to graft onto other trees in a different field?"

"Well, sure, but..."

"But what?"

Applejack sighed, leaning back in her seat. "I dunno. Reckon I expected better from the likes of Shindig."

Stu Leaves fidgeted, glancing aside at Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow took a deep breath. "Let's..." She gulped. "Let's just get to the center of the farm and find somepony to talk to. No need to freak out."

"Right." Applejack nodded, tucking some of her blond bangs back underneath her hat. "Shindig's retirin', after all. Surely somepony somewhere has a proper explanation."

"Right." Nevertheless, Rainbow Dash kept her eyes peeled. For some reason, she felt a dull tremor rolling through her limbs, and she couldn't blame it on the atrophy. With firm, solid steps, she and Stu pulled the wagon into the heart of the farm.

When they reached the buildings in the center of Shindig Soils, the place was barren. There was nopony to be seen. An errant wind of humid air blew through the grounds, rustling at the trees and their leaves.

Stu and Rainbow Dash pulled the wagon to a stop. Gradually, they peeled out of their riggings, eyes glued to the buildings surrounding them. Applejack stood up tall in the back of the wagon, slowly turning around in a circle to gawk at the hollow farmscape.

It quite literally looked like the place had cleared out overnight. While devoid of any immediately noticeable ponies, the buildings looked in good condition. The windows bore crystal clean glass. The doors were shut and lacking in dust or grime. While some of the grass had grown tall and wild, the weeds hadn't spread too much, and there were even flower gardens bordering some of the shacks and utility sheds.

In the very center of the place stood an enormous four-story tall building. The walls were veritable slabs of gray concrete with little to no aesthetic quality. From the large maintenance doors on the side and the sloping asphalt ramps for freight wagons, it was clear that this was the central factory for producing and housing cider and orange juice. Through one of the high-placed window slits, Rainbow could spot pipework and iron tubing: the make-up of an interior cider mill.

Across a splotch of dirth, two large warehouses loomed, and beyond them rested a series of lengthy structures—more like bunkers—that must have been used for storing fresh harvests from the spacious fields of orange and apple trees. On the far end of these stood a two-story farm house that more closely resembled the kind of homely structures that Rainbow Dash was used to seeing in Ponyville. Next to it sat a simple one-story building with an elaborate bulletin board and collection of dangling signs on the lawn.

"That must be the home office," Applejack said.

"You mean where Shindig operates out of?"

"I reckon."

"Curious." Stu squinted, shaking his head. "Why does it all look so... barren?"

"Shindig must be more far gone than we all thought," Applejack said.

"Well, sure, she's hanging the yoke for good," Stu said. "But to dismiss all her workers like this? You'd think she'd want to salvage the crops more!"

"Now, we dun know for sure if she's laid off all her workers," Applejack said. "For all we know, we must have... uh... arrived on a day off."

"A day off..." Stu glanced fixedly at Applejack. "...you think Shindig could even afford that?"

"Maybe she's lost a bit upstairs," Rainbow Dash said.

The other two turned to stare at her.

Rainbow looked back. "It's possible."

Applejack took a deep breath. "Well, guess there's at least one way to find out." With a slight grunt, she hopped nimbly out of the wagon, cracked her joints, and trotted firmly towards the front door of the office. Suddenly, she paused.

"What's the matter?" Stu asked. "Don't tell me you've got cold hooves now!" He smirked. "Just knock on the door already!"

"It's not that..." Applejack backtrotted, approaching the bulletin board. "There's a note here."

"A note?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Yeah, I think it's for us." Slowly, Applejack plucked the thing off and squinted at it. "'To Applejack, the Prospective Owner of Sweet Apple Acres...'"

"Heh..." Rainbow Dash flapped over, hovering by Applejack's side. "You weren't kidding."

"Ahem." Applejack resumed reading. "'I anticipate your arrival with great hope and respect. However, my staff has run thin as of late and I have been requested to make several important business arrangements with the local farms. I have left the gate open in the event that you should show up while I am gone. If you do not see myself or any of my servants upon your arrival, do not worry. Just make yourself at home and I will be back shortly to conduct business as scheduled. My apologies in advance, and I look forward to our meeting. Sincerely, Serenity Shindig.'"

"Well, at least she's polite!" Stu said.

"Speak for yourself." Rainbow frowned, glaring across the empty expanse of the otherwise immaculate farm. "If she truly respected this whole hoof-over thingy, she would have made a bigger effort to be here."

"Now now, Rainbow," Applejack chided with a smile. "Shindig has made quite the legacy for herself. I'd say an ounce of senility can be forgiven, considerin' how long and how hard she's worked."

"But—"

"She's makin' me one whizzbang of an offer, sugarcube," Applejack said, her eyes firm and emphatic. "It's a golden opportunity that I can't let down! I'm more than capable of puttin' up with a little bit of awkwardness if it means gettin' on her good side."

Rainbow groaned. "AJ, not every old mare is Granny Smith!" She gestured wildly with her hooves. "She should be here and she's not! I... I..." She folded her forelimbs with a huff. "I just get really ticked off when ponies fail at being loyal..."

Applejack was about to retort when Stu Leaves spoke up.

"Say..." He pointed at another leaflet dangling from the bulletin board. "Looks like there's another note here."

"Huh?" Applejack turned, blinking. "Hey. So there is."

Rainbow Dash squinted. "What does this one say?"

Applejack leaned in. "'By the way, Ms. Applejack, feel free to take a tour of the cider mill yourself. The facility is open for you to examine at your leisure. I've even left refreshments for you: some of Shindig Soil's finest squeeze...'"

"Well, at least she's neighborly!" Stu said with a smirk.

"I must say, I am mighty curious as to how the mill looks like on the inside." Applejack turned around to gaze at the tall concrete structure. "Whaddya say, Stu? Wanna take a gander?"

"Heh..." He wiped his brow. "Anything to get out of this infernal heat."

"Hate to break it to ya..." Applejack strolled over towards the factory building. "...but Fillydians likely ain't too keen on air conditioning a mill."

"Awwwww..."

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash stayed behind, hovering in front of the bulletin board. She leaned in to squint at the plush surface. Beneath the dangling notes to Applejack, she spotted several identical pins stuck in place with tiny shreds of matching colored paper. Her lips pursed in thought.

"...Rainbow? Ya comin', sugarcube?"

"Er... right!" Rainbow twirled about and flitted off to join her two friends. "Sure thing...!"

Every Mare Meets Her Mill

With a tiny, rusted squeak, Applejack pushed open a metal side door the rest of the way. She trotted through to the central chamber of the immense concrete structure. Almost immediately, she tilted her head up, muzzle agape as an awestruck expression rippled across her freckled face. She pushed the brim of her hat way back in order to better see the sights looming above her.

"Goll-ll-lly..." The mare cooed, her open mouth slowly morphing into a beaming smile. "Will ya look at that?" She whistled.

By this time, Stu Leaves and Rainbow Dash had also stepped through. Stu Leaves immediately jolted to a stop, gawking. Rainbow Dash, however, hovered above the other two with a neutral, squinting expression.

At the far end of the concrete chamber stood an immense array of copper tanks and bronze tubes. The cider mill was beyond elaborate, with countless pipes and valves and pressure guages glinting in the morning light. Along the very top of the steep concrete walls, several long slitted windows allowed the sun to beam through, giving the massive empty interior a stale gray haze. Along the opposite walls, a huge set of sliding iron doors loomed, bolted in place in the middle and further reinforced by a trio of thick padlocks. Behind the three ponies—next to the tiny door they had just entered through—were two slatted metal gates, presumably meant for unloading barrels of freshly squeezed and processed cider. The gates were closed for the time being, and a series of metal carts rested against one another on dormant wheels.

Applejack and Stu Leaves trotted forward, approaching the huge complex cider-making machinery.

"That's about the biggest darn cider squeezer I ever did see," Applejack murmured. "I mean... shoot... I've read about contraptions this big, but never before have I seen any with my own naked eyes!"

"It's almost like the rain-making machines at Cloudsdale." Stu Leaves chuckled. "I mean, personally, I find the resemblance uncanny. Don't you think so, Rainbow Dash?"

Silence.

"Rainbow?" Stu glanced up.

"Hmmmm..." Rainbow hovered before the large iron doors opposite of the sunlit windows. "What's beyond these locked doors?"

"Maybe that's where Shindig keeps her freshly squeezed cider?" Stu remarked.

Rainbow glanced down, squinting. "Wouldn't she use the storehouses we saw outside for that?"

"Beats me." Stu shrugged, then looked over his shoulder. "Applejack?"

The mare was too busy examining a tiny table and a pair of chairs that had been erected in the middle of the room, just beneath the shadow of the looming cider mill. "Lookie here." She pointed at a pitcher of bubbly yellow juice and a chalice resting in the center of the table. "This must have been what she meant when she wrote about 'refreshments.'"

"Oh?" Stu craned his neck to see. "Is that some of her cider?"

"Reckon so." Applejack trotted around the table, plucking up a half-folded sheet of paper. "'Have yourself a taste of my field's finest while you wait. It's on the house!'" She placed the note back down, then chuckled as she tapped the chalice, which was ornamented around its lid and handle with little winged equines. "She certainly picked a funny-lookin' mug."

"I guess you gotta be eccentric to run a farm in Central Fillyda these days," Stu said.

"Too bad I ain't all that thirsty." Applejack trotted back towards the mill. "I'll give it a taste once she arrives."

"Then she can sample some of your stuff!" Stu said.

"Exactly." Applejack nodded. "Best way to know another farmer is to get a taste for their produce." The mare shrugged. "At least, that's always been my philosophy."

"Yeah, well, keep being philosophical. I'm parched." Then, with a silly smirk, Stu plucked the pitcher from the table and poured some of the cider down his gullet.

"Unngh..." Applejack rolled her eyes. "Straight from the pitcher, Stu? Ain't that a bit rude, ya think?"

The stallion gulped and slapped the pitcher back down. After exhaling, he wiped his muzzle and smirked. "Oh, relax, AJ! I didn't let the thing touch my lips!"

"Sure thang." Applejack peered curiously at him. "So? How was it?"

Stu smirked coyly. "I thought you wanted to wait until she showed up."

"It dun hurt to get a second opinion."

"Well, if you must know..." He tongued the inside of his mouth, blinking in thought. "...it's kinda tangy."

"Pfft." Applejack rolled her eyes again, smirking. "Jee, that's really helpful there, partner."

"No! For real! It's... sweeter then your stuff, but... I dunno. Doesn't feel quite so satisfying on the way down."

"Now yer just sayin' that..."

"I think it needs more foam..."

"Shoot, now yer makin' me darn curious."

"Heheh... guilty as charged."

In the meantime, Rainbow Dash's ear twitched. She spun towards the large iron doors once again, blinking curiously. She flapped her wings and hovered right up against it, craning her head at an angle. "Funny..."

"What's that, Rainbow?"

"I dunno, but for a moment there, I swear I could have heard... like... a buzzing sound."

Applejack blinked. "A buzzing sound?"

"Yeah. Like... static electricity or something."

Stu glanced at Applejack. "You don't suppose Shindig is in the business of making zap apples too, do you?"

"Pffft. Please..." Applejack smirked as she once again trotted close to the elaborate pipeworks. "Dun strip me of all the Apple Family's dignity!"

"Who's stripping who?" Stu shrugged with a smirk. "I know you've gotta have an edge somehow!"

"Doubt she'd understand the finer workings of zap apple harvestin' anyway," Applejack said, staring up close at a pressure guage. She smiled. "Still, would make for quite the set of anecdotes."

"You betcha."

Rainbow Dash stared down at the table and its pitcher of cider from where she hovered. She turned once more towards the iron door. Her eyes narrowed as she hovered there in sullen silence.

"... ... ..."

The petite pegasus spun around. "Hey, guys. I'm... uh..." She flitted sideways, descending as she made her way through the tiny door through which they all entered. "I'm going to go outside," she said. "Go get some air."

"Sure thing, Rainbow," Stu said, waving her off.

"Just be sure you get some air, Rainbow, and nothin' else," Applejack said, her voice suddenly turning stern and edgy. "Shindig won't like it if any of us snoop around where we ain't invited."

"Hey, just who do you take me for?" Rainbow Dash smirked across the room. Then, when nopony was looking, she clenched her jaw tight and speedily flew her way out of the building altogether.

Opportunistic

By the fifth time Rainbow Dash orbited the farmland, she let loose a long and anguished sigh.

Eventually, she hovered in place, lingering just above the tall concrete structure that contained the mill that Applejack and Stu were patiently examining.

Gnawing on her lip in thought, Rainbow Dash flew towards the southeast side of the structure. There, she had hoped to find some windows. However, once she discovered them, she saw that they were all boarded up. She cursed under her breath, nevertheless hovering up close in an attempt to peer in between the thick, splintery planks of wood. However, her efforts were of no avail. She knew that whatever lay beyond the windows would reside on the other side of the padlocked iron doors that she spotted within.

In a frustrated huff, she spun about, glaring across the farmland. After a minute or two, she fidgeted in midair, glancing nervously at the structure beside her. There was no way that Applejack—or Stu for that matter—could see through all of the concrete. So, with wings a-buzzing, Rainbow Dash went flying across the central patch of farmland.

Knock Knock Knock!

Rainbow Dash lowered her hoof. She stood on the front porch to Shindig's homely-built house in the center of her land. Her ruby eyes blinked, reflected in the tiny crescent-shaped window built horizontally along the top of the doorframe. All she could see through the glass was thick gray curtains, and the barest hint of a wooden foyer beyond.

The pegasus heard the cawing of crows in the distance. She realized that a full two minutes had passed since her first knock. So, she rapped on the doorframe again, louder this time. Once more, there was no response.

Rainbow Dash exhaled heavily. She turned around, staring at the tall concrete factory from the shade of the porch. Cicadas buzzed in rhythmic salvos. Applejack and Stu Leaves were nowhere to be seen.

Ears twitching, Rainbow Dash shuffled slowly to the side. She kept one eye on the factory while the other half of her vision glanced at the windows along the front porch. Heavy curtains obscured all chances of looking through the panes and seeing anything. What's more, they were all bolted tight. Rainbow knew this, for she had tugged and pulled on each one of them.

"Nnngh... grnnng... guh!" She stumbled back, rubbing her forelimb and flexing it as she felt a slight tingling sensation. "Already...?" The mare sighed yet again.

Silence.

Fidgeting, she trotted out from under the porch, turned around, and squinted straight up into the sunlight. Her vision danced from one window to another along the building's second story. Just then, she spotted a bit of movement. Rainbow's heart jumped, and she leaned forward, narrowing her eyes harder.

One set of curtains was billowing in the wind. The glass pane in front of it was cracked open.

Swooosh! In a heartbeat, Rainbow Dash perched on the windowsill. She gripped the bottom of the window and lifted up, squealing a bit under her breath. It took a bit of effort, but she successfully flung the thing wide open. Exhaling with a victorious breath, she nevertheless flung the factory a nervous look. No freckles or green eyes were aimed her way. Rainbow Dash smirked, then swiftly slithered inside the top story to Shindig's house.

As soon as Rainbow flew into the room, a cloud of dust kicked up all around her from her flapping wings. The mare coughed and wheezed, waving a hoof before her fuzzy blue muzzle. She squinted thinly across what turned out to be a dark bedroom.

A king-sized bed lingered, perfectly made. The table beside it and the vanity at the far end of the room were also immaculately straightened, with perfume bottles and mane accessories placed about neatly with geometric precision. However, the mirror above the vanity was covered in a film of dust so thick that Rainbow Dash couldn't even see her own reflection. Curious, Rainbow Dash reached a hoof forward and dragged it across the cold glass, forming a curved line in the dust. The exposed mirror reflected a stallion's grave face behind her.

Gasping, Rainbow Dash spun around, only to find herself staring at an antique painting. It was the portrait of a middle-aged unicorn with a top hat, monocle, and a foppish collar. Despite his elegant fashion, he stood poised and proud with a stern expression. The illustration of an apple pin adorned his lapel.

Rainbow Dash exhaled. She gazed down at the very bottom frame of the portrait. She spotted a name: "Philip Philanthropy" Rainbow arched an eyebrow at that. Tilting her head aside, she spotted the bedroom door hanging ajar. Quietly, she flew over and squeezed on through, careful not to touch the dust-laden doorframe and walls.

Outside, a second story walkway loomed above the house's foyer with an elaborate wooden hoof-railing. Rainbow passed several rooms, all covered in dust from seemingly years of neglect. At one point, she stopped in mid-hover, then flew backwards to examine the last two bedrooms she had passed. They looked identical to one another, forming a symmetrical mirror image. The walls of the bedrooms were mutually decorated with pin-stripe colors, and several yellow and red sports penants hung above the beds. In the corners, tall wooden racks were adorned with a smattering of flamboyant porkpie hats and bowties.

Rainbow blinked thoughtfully, then flew on down the walkway. She followed the dust-covered stairs leading down. As she slowly descended, she glanced at the wall immediately to her left. There, she saw several circular-framed photographs, one after another. In the first, she spotted a young black-and-white version of the prim stallion, only he was posing alongside a smiling young earth pony mare with a beautiful glossy mane. In the next frame, the unicorn and earth pony were slightly older, decked out in wedding clothes. The next photograph was in color, featuring the two ponies standing before a gated farmland covered in orange groves. In the picture after that, several apple groves had sprouted up, but that wasn't all. The mare sat on her haunches, cradling a pair of unicorn foals with sprouts of red hair. The stallion leaned in to nuzzle her, bearing an uncharacteristically tranquil smile.

In the next few photographs, both the fields and the foals grew, until a pair of young adult stallions stood proudly by their aging parents. Then, at last, there was a final photograph at the bottom of the stairs, tilted slightly off balance. "Philanthropy" was gone, and the mare's eyes were closed for the shot. She stood in a melancholic slump, meanwhile her tall and lean sons supported her, trying their best to smile pleasantly for the camera. Rainbow Dash couldn't help but notice that the green color had drained from their eyes. Even the one mustached stallion's mane was noticeably unkempt and he had to hide it beneath a straw hat.

Turning from the pictures, Rainbow faced the living room—and she jolted in place. Here, all order and neatness was missing altogether, and she found herself staring at a chaotic scene. Tables were overturned. Couches and splintery apple crates were strewn all over with maps, illustrations, and shreds of note-riddled paper. Rainbow also saw what looked like pick-axes, shovels, compasses, backpacks, and other glaringly out-of-place equipment. Then, across the far wall, she spotted a haphazardly-hung world map depicting Equestria and all known lands across a hazy green continent. Pins had been stuck in place at seemingly random intervals, tied together by multi-colored strings. In various places, tiny notes had been stuck, with hastily scribbled words such as "Missing Lead" and "Griffon dead end" and Aatxe's territory: DO NOT CROSS".

Rainbow was too shaken up by the last note to spot the thickest cluster of pins and strings at first. But, at last, her eyes focused on the converging array, and there she spotted—in thick black marker ink—the bold words: "CHALICE FOUND!!!" It covered a spot far to the north, along the arctic tundra.

Rainbow's lips pursed. Her numb legs brushed up against something, and she glanced down to see a dusty table, atop of which was an overturned picture frame. Curious, she tilted the thing up. It was a portrait of Shindig and Philanthropy, nuzzling each other as they gazed softly at the camera. Plastered to it was another note that fluttered from Rainbow's pensive breaths. Steadying it with her hoof, she read the hastily scribbled words across it: "Dearest Father, at long last, we found it. You will be with your beloved Serenity soon."

Rainbow Dash's brow furrowed. She flew backwards, gazing into the shadowed corners of the room in thought. Something caught the filtered sunlight in her peripheral vision. She pivoted to the right, and immediately she did a double-take.

A grand model of a city loomed on a table, covered in dust and lint from neglect. However, it was unlike any urban design that Rainbow Dash had ever seen. There was no solid foundation to the tall and ornate skyscrapers. If it weren't for several vertical pins and needles, the buildings would surely topple over. Instead, it looked almost as if they were floating, with dozens of pinwheels and smokestacks and serpentine steam pipes blossoming in between the brass-laden towers and spacious balconies. In the very center of the building was an ornate palace with jagged spires pockmarked with hanging gardens. If Rainbow Dash squinted her eyes just right, the entire castle almost resembled the cider mill she had just seen inside the factory, along with its intricately branching pipes.

Just then, she twirled towards the map hanging along the wall. She squinted at the note located to the far north of the illustrated Equestria. "The chalice..." Her eyes darted left and right. Suddenly, she gasped. "The chalice!"

Just then, the windows rattled. At first, Rainbow Dash didn't know why. But, as she craned her ear, she was certain she heard a screaming voice.

In a blur, she dashed towards the front door, fumbled with six whole sets of locks, and flung the thing open with an unfurling cloud of dust. Immediately, the yelling voice bled into clarity, echoing across the dirt-laden compound.

"Rainbow Dassssh! Come! Come quick!" A brown figure hovered alongside the concrete building, jittering in abject terror. "Something terrible's happened!"

"Stu...?" Rainbow murmured. She swiftly flew out from beneath the porch and levitated in the sunlight. "Stu, what is it?!" she yelled.

The stallion's head jerked towards her. With a pale face, he stammered. "It's... it's Applejack..."

Rainbow's breath left her.

Freckles Down

Rainbow Dash burst through the small door and reentered the cider mill factory. She froze in place, hovering on limp wings.

An orange body lay slumped on the floor beneath the table with the pitcher of cider.

Rainbow's jaw dropped. She had to fight cold tears from squeezing out the sides of her unblinking eyes.

She barely registered Stu Leaves as he rushed back in, standing breathlessly beneath her. "She just collapsed! Nothing I can do is enough to wake her—"

FWOOOOSH! In a blink, Rainbow Dash was squatting by Applejack's side. She cradled her upper body, a very difficult feat with numbing forelimbs. Nevertheless, Rainbow propped Applejack upright enough to gaze at her unconscious muzzle.

As Rainbow's breaths evened out, she found the time to concentrate on Applejack's features. The mare's nostrils flared and her chest rose and fell in slow, subtle motions.

Without a second thought, Rainbow plucked the mare's hat off and tossed it to the side. Seconds later, she craned her ear and pressed it directly to Applejack's face. She felt warm breaths issuing in and out of the mare's muzzle. Rainbow held her forelimb to Applejack's forehead, and then her neck.

"She's..." Rainbow Dash's fuzzy blue face contorted in confusion. "...she's sleeping?"

"It's a deep sleep unlike anything I've ever seen!" Stu was trembling visibly. He steeled himself just long enough to speak without chattering teeth. "She just dropped like a rock! One moment she was talking about cider tasting, and then the next—"

"Applejack?" Rainbow Dash lowered her muzzle and spoke loudly into the mare's fuzzy orange ears. "Yo! Applejack!"

"It's no use, Rainbow!" Stu exclaimed. "I tried!"

Seething, Rainbow slowly... gently laid Applejack back down in the middle of the floor. She peered up at Stu, brow furrowed. "What happened?"

"Like I said—"

"What did she do?!" Rainbow Dash hovered up, glaring in Stu's face. "Did she drink from the friggin' cider?!"

"Well... yes!"

"Celestia dang it..." Rainbow seethed, spinning to face the table and its pitcher.

"B-b-but I did too!" Stu flapped his wings and darted over so that he hovered across the table from her. "You even saw me! I drank more than a mouthful!"

Rainbow Dash picked the pitcher up in a trembling hoof. She squinted at the liquid contents. The container was half-full at this point. She had seen Stu drink, but it wasn't nearly that much. Applejack must have ingested a lot more.

"Applejack and I were admiring the cider mill, talking about Shindig's business and how Applejack would plan to master her mechanical operations, assuming she got the j-job. And then she realized that she might as well have a sample of the same cider I did. So... she poured herself some, and after drinking..." Stu shuddered, gazing melancholically down at Applejack's dormant figure. "...she just collapsed. Without warning! Without even saying a word about how it tasted or anything!"

Rainbow daringly tilted the pitcher until she poured a tiny trickle of the orange liquid over her fetlock. Then, placing the pitcher down, she raised the forelimb to her muzzle and lapped at the cider, giving it a little taste. Her eyes narrowed as she concentrated on the sensation. Alas, nothing happened to her body.

"It... it doesn't taste funky, and I know my cider," she said with a shudder. She glanced over at the stallion. "Poison? I dunno..."

"But I drank a whole bunch of it!" Stu exclaimed. "And look at me! I'm still up and at it!"

"Right.. r-right..." Rainbow nodded dazedly.

"Maybe... m-maybe there's some—I dunno—secret ingredient that only Applejack's allergic to or something!"

"An allergy that conks her out onto the floor?!"

"Look, I've no clue!" Stu suddenly barked, red-in-the-face. "I have no damned idea why this happened to our friend—!"

"Hey... hey!" Rainbow floated over, placing both hooves on the hovering stallion's shoulders. "Calm the freak down, guy."

"I'm... I-I'm sorry..." Stu sniffled, glancing down at Applejack with glistening eyes. "This is all my fault. I should have figured there was something fishy about the drink. I just... I-I just don't understand, Rainbow Dash! Why'd she kerplunk and not me?! It doesn't make any damned sense..."

"What's important right now is that we not panic. Obviously there has to be a reason why it's had an effect on her and not on—" Rainbow's eyes twitched, and her muzzle hung agape. She turned in mid-hover, gazing at the table.

The dark chalice rested on its side, dribbling its contents across thet able and onto the concrete floor of the factory.

"Wh-what is it?" Stu stammered.

"You... you said that Applejack poured herself a drink of the stuff, right?"

"Well... yes. Yes she did."

"She didn't drink straight from the pitcher like you did?"

"No." Stu gulped and pointed with a trembling hoof. "The mug—"

Fwoooosh! Rainbow soared over, hovering just above the table. She lowered until her eyes were squinting hard at the overturned goblet. Carefully, she tilted the thing up with her hoof so she could get a better look at it.

The obsidian surface of the chalice was polished, but upon close inspection Rainbow could spot dozens if not hundreds of tiny fissures and fractures—the signs of age-old antiquity. The handle of the chalice was ridiculously ornate, with ornamental sculpting that resembled feathers and tail-hairs. At last, the very lid of the chalice was flanked on opposite sides by winged pony effigies. However, now that Rainbow Dash was staring at them up close, she saw the unmistakable stubs of pointed "horns" on each equine's crown.

"Alicorns..." Rainbow Dash murmured.

"For real?" Stu hovered in close, his eyes narrow. "But... but what does it mean?"

Rainbow Dash lifted back up, exhaling heavily through her nostrils. Her mind's eye swept back to the dust-laden house and the chaotic scribblings of maps and notes she had found inside. "It means that Applejack's in serious trouble..." She spun about. "And we need to get her some help. Pronto."

Stu nodded. "There's gotta be a village with a doctor around here somewhere. You and I could fly in opposite directions—"

"Or we can just fly!" Rainbow Dash blurred towards the tiny door and flung it open. Stu Leaves wasn't too far behind. "The longer we wait here, talking about it, the longer Applejack has to—"

There was a black stagecoach looming right outside. A small, gangly stallion hopped off the thing and made his way slowly towards the door of the factory.

With a gasp, Rainbow Dash slammed the door shut and shoved herself and Stu back.

"Wh-what?!" Stu gasped "What is it?!"

"...we're not alone," Rainbow droned, breathless.

Thirty Pieces

"You mean..." Stu Leaves leaned in to push the door open. "...there's somepony out there!"

"Yes!" Rainbow slapped his hoof, forcing him to hobble back. "He's got a whole stagecoach and everything!"

"Guh..." Stu rubbed his fetlock, wincing. "Well, maybe he works for Shindig! Let's go ask him if he knows anything about the cider—!"

"What?! Are you dense?!" Rainbow hissed through her teeth. She crouched and leaned away from the door, whispering. "Don't you think it's a little bit coincidental that he shows up right after we arrive and Applejack gets conked out by the drink?"

"Uhhhh..."

"Over here!" Rainbow yanked Stu by the forelimb. Wings flapping, she led him towards the far side of the cluster of metal carts resting in front of the metal warehouse doors.

"What are we—?"

"Shhh!" Rainbow shoved Stu behind the carts and squatted low beside him. "I wanna see what he's come here to do..."

"But... b-but..." Stu trembled, looking towards the middle of the factory. "AJ—"

"He's just one dude! If he does something evil, you and I can kick his flank!"

"We can?"

"I can kick his flank." Rainbow glared, peering through the handles of the metal carts. "Now shush. I mean it."

Stu Leaves bit his lip, keeping as still as he could.

With a cold squeak, the tiny door to the outside world opened. A frail, gangly stallion shuffled inside. He craned his neck, glancing all around the factory.

Rainbow side-shuffled further from view. Stu nervously matched her movements, keeping quiet.

"Hello?!" the stallion called out, his voice echoing across the concrete walls. "Anypony there?" He stepped forward into the hollow of the building. The sunlight through the windows illuminated a slick-gray mane and a pale white coat. Two silver coins for a cutie mark peeked out from beneath a pair of raggedy blue overalls. Wide-framed glasses adorned his face and two tiny blue pupils blinked from within the spectacles' enormous lenses. "Huh... well, then. Whaddya know?" He chuckled to himself in a soft, feeble voice. "Right on time."

Rainbow Dash squinted. She followed his line of sight, ultimately resting on Applejack's limp figure.

The stallion shuffled slowly across the large, large room. Instead of heading towards Applejack, he approached the enormous iron doors and their many padlocks. Whistling again, he fiddled a hoof through his pockets. There was a jingling sound as he pulled a set of keys out and began unlocking the padlocks one by one.

Stu's muzzle fell open. He glanced nervously at Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow kept staring, her brow furrowed as she slowly crept towards the edge of the line of carts in order to get a better look.

At last, once all of the padlocks were unlocked, the stallion reached up for the enormous metal latch that was still holding the doors in place. He took half-a-minute to lift it, which was no easy feat. The stallion grunted and trembled the whole time. But, at last, he was able to swing the thing loose. He paused for breath, then gripped the handle of the center door with his teeth. Trotting backwards, he rolled the thing open with a loud scraping sound.

When he was done, and he let go of the door with a thud, Rainbow could hear with greater clarity a series of static electrical buzzes and pops. Something bright and blue fluctuated from within, filling the entire warehouse with an eerie, otherworldly aura.

"Whew!" The stallion wiped his brow and immediately trotted inside the previously-locked chamber. "Hello, everypony!" His nonchalant voice echoed from within. "Guess what! You've got company! Heheh..."

There was a bit of fumbling to be heard, followed by a light record scratch. Suddenly, the entire factory hummed with an untold suite of classical music. Violin strings and clarinets wafted beautiful between the walls.

Stu craned his neck out with a gawking expression. At the sound of hoofsteps, Rainbow Dash seethed through her teeth and yanked the gasping pegasus back.

Within milliseconds, the stallion came shuffling back out, rolling a gurney right behind him. This time he did move straight towards Applejack. Locking the gurney in place, he knelt down and—very gently—hoisted the mare over his shoulder.

"Whoah... you're a young one, aren't ya? Heh..." With tiny grunts, he lifted her onto the plush bed-on-wheels. He stretched her hooves down by her side and made sure no limb was cutting off blood supply from another. "There we go... nice and comfortable, hmm? Heheh... You'll be just fine. The brothers want all of their mother's guests to relax, after all."

Humming to the music, he pushed the gurney—and Applejack—slowly into the chamber beyond the doors. From within, the stallion could be heard shuffling lightly.

At last, Rainbow Dash crawled out from behind the obscuring line of carts. Her wings flapped so that she soundlessly approached the crack in the doors. Stu hovered close behind her, following her lead.

Rainbow came around the open space, craning her neck. Her ruby eyes reflected fluctuating beams of electricity, and it caused her ruby pupils to shrink. "...the buck?"

In the corner, a record player spun a black disc, but that wasn't even remotely was Rainbow was staring at. Occupying the entire southeast wall of the building was an enormous... apparatus. Rainbow Dash had a hard time coming up with a mental name for it. It appeared to be a series of sparkling tesla-coils and electrical wires, all framed by a convoluted array of round metal tanks and pipework. It almost resembled a cider mill, in a way, especially once Rainbow spotted tall vertical tubes filled with bubbling yellow liquid. But how the thing could possibly produce cider was beyond Rainbow Dash, for situated in the center—housed in a chamber of translucent glass—was an old mare with a familiar red perm. In her yellow hooves was a ceramic urn, ornamented all over with various floral designs. The earth pony's eyes were closed, so that she appeared to be in perpetual slumber.

That wasn't all. The room was full of gurneys—six total—arranged geometrically before the apparatus. Each of the "beds" were framed with metal tubes and copper wires, and the corners of the gurneys were equipped with glowing black crystals. The two beds closest to the apparatus—and the mare within—were seating a pair unconscious stallions. Both had shiny red manes, though one sported a mustache. While Rainbow Dash recognized the mare from the billboard immediately outside Shindig's farm, she finally understood that the stallions were the same as those featured in all the family photos inside Shindig's farmhouse.

The occupants of the other gurneys spread across the chamber, Rainbow Dash didn't recognize. They were a heterogenous group too: a portly unicorn with a peach coat and dirty brown hair, a female mule with a brown mane and blue pearls around her neck, and—finally—a male griffon with bright white and charcoal brown plumage.

The sixth gurney was where Applejack now lay. The stallion was busy locking her in place, then grasping several crystals from a bag. He blew into each of the dark shards, causing them to glow.

"Heh... I may not understand magic, but trust me, lil' lady..." He placed them on all four edges of the bed Applejack's body was laying in. "...these will keep you in good health. After all, there's no telling just how long you'll be a guest of Shindig Soils." He leaned back, tapping his chin in thought. "Hmmm... orange coat... blonde mane... freckles. Oh!" The stallion chuckled to himself. "Of course! You must be the apple squeezer! That fulfills the 'beverage' quota, so you must be the last guest! Well, splendid! You shouldn't have to wait for long!"

He turned around, squinting. "Now, where did I put that backup cider? Better retrieve the chalice while I'm at it—" He froze, staring at Rainbow Dash and Stu Leaves.

Rainbow Dash and Stu Leaves glared back.

"Eh heh heh..." He sweated visibly, squirming. "...whoops?"

"FWOOOOOSH!" Rainbow Dash soared forward, shoving the stallion until they slammed over the record player in the corner, shattering the music completely.

Going to Need a Drink For This...

CRASH! The record player and its disc shattered beneath Rainbow Dash.

"Ooof!" the stallion in her grasp winced as he was shoved up against the concrete wall. Whump! "For the love of Celestia, d-don't hurt me!" he instantly squealed, clencing his eyes shut beneath rattling glasses. "I have two bit bags full of coins inside the stagecoach along with a set of tools, four bags of oats, and an issue of Flanks Quarterly! You can have it! You can have it all!"

"Who are you?!" Rainbow Dash snarled in his face. "What is all of these contraptions?! What were you doing to our friend Applejack?!"

"Rainbow!" Stu hissed, floating up and resting a hoof on her shoulder. "You can't just ask him a gazillion questions all at once—"

"Butt out, Stu!" Rainbow spat aside. "I've got this!"

"Hey!" Stu frowned. "I want to save Applejack as much as you do!"

"Believe me..." Rainbow glared aside, eyes hard as ruby daggers. "Nopony wants to save Applejack as much as me!"

"Then stop strangling the dude!" Stu sputtered. "Let him speak!"

Fuming... fuming some more... Rainbow Dash lowered the trembling stallion with a slump. She glared into his face, nevertheless. "Talk."

"I-I-I was j-just following the directions g-given to me!" the earth pony said.

"Given by who?"

"B-b-by Frederick Flim and Felix Flam, of c-course!"

"Who the buck are they?!"

He gulped. "Why, the sons of Serenity Shindig!" He smiled awkwardly. "Everypony knows that!"

"If knew it..." Rainbow slammed her hooves down in front of the stallion. "...why would I be asking you questions in the first place?!"

"Guhhhh!" The stallion flinched away from her, glasses rattling. "Look... the Flim-Flam brothers have worked for this farm all their lives! In the last five years, after their father died, they went abroad, flexing their entrepreneurial skills all across Equestria! But that wasn't all that th-they did! They were also up-and-coming archaeologists." He gulped. "That's how I met them! We were both working at an excavation south of Griffon Mount!"

Stu leaned forward. "And you are...?"

"Silver Shill, at your service!" The stallion reached forward to shake Stu's hoof with a nervous smile. "Best salespony this side of the Atlantrot! You have a wagon with half its wheels misssing, I bet you I could sell it to a manticore in less than a day—!"

Rainbow batted Silver Shill's hoof away. "But none of that explains what all of this—" She pointed dramatically at the electrified metal array flanked by gurney'd bodies. "—is about! Quit stalling and talk! For real!"

"Uhhhh..." Silver Shill squirmed where he stood. "It's not entirely easy to explain."

Rainbow seethed into his face. "Try me..."

Silver bit his lip. Adjusting his glasses, he stammered, "These figures—along with Frederick Flim, Felix Flam and your esteemed Applejack, it would seem—are all honoroed guests of Serenity Shindig. She has invited each of these citizens from all across Equestria, having heard of their agricultural and culinary exploits, and now they are partaking in the most magical and fabulous meeting ever concocted by mortal kind! Or, at least... eheheh... that's what Flim and Flam wrote for me to say on the cue card."

"A magical and... fabulous meeting?!" Stu stammered.

"Open your eyes, dipstain!" Rainbow's voice cracked as she gestured towards the gurneys. "They're all drugged out of their skulls!"

"Oh no no no no no no! It may appear like that on the outside! But, as a matter of fact..." Silver Shill smiled nervously. "They're... uh... they're all in one place! Communing on a separate plane, to be precise!"

"Separate plane?" Stu Leaves' muzzle contorted with confusion and disgust.

Rainbow sneered. "What kind of joke are you trying to pull here?"

"No j-joke! Honest!" Silver pointed at the machine. "In the heart of that machine lies Serenity Shindig herself! She's acting as the heart of the sphere!"

"Sphere...?"

"Of collective consciousness! You see, the cider needs a focus for its enchantment, or else the joining subjects simply get lost in errant thought and spread apart across the fabric of leylines."

"Wait—"

"Frederick and Felix there are acting as buffers, maintaining cohesion of the leylines between the subjects and Shindig herself."

"—hold on—"

"And those dark crystals—the ones that are glowing all around the beds? Heh, I'm in charge of maintenance for them. I show up everyday to check on the mana-batteries. You see, they stabilize the physical bodies of the subjects and keep them in healthy equilibrium just like the day that they first arrived—"

"Just... quiet for one second!" Rainbow Dash's brow furrowed. "How'd everypony end up... guhh... bound to this 'enchantment' to begin with?"

"Why..." Silver's eyes blinked from within their enormous lenses. "They drank cider from the Alicorn Chalice, of course..."

Good Pegasus, Bad Pegasus

"So, let me get this straight..." Rainbow Dash's eyes narrowed while she pressed Silver up against the wall. "Serenity Shindig deliberately and methodically invited each of these guys to her abandoned farmland just so they could take a sip from an Alicorn Chalice and fall into an unconscious haze?!"

"Not unconscious! Er... not precisely!" Silver Shill gulped. "You see, they're all conscious... but on another plane."

"You really expect me to buy that?!" Rainbow snarled.

"But it's true! I... I-I've been there myself!"

"You've what?" Stu Leaves remarked, squinting.

The frail stallion smiled awkwardly at him. "I was one of the f-first test subjects after the Flim Flam brothers excavated the Chalice! According to legend, the alicorns who once populated this world chose to leave this plane hundreds of thousands of years ago via a separate sphere of consciousness! They essentially projected their consciousness to a higher realm! Otherwise, we'd have way more gods and goddesses controlling the heavens other than Celestia and Luna!"

"This is all bunk," Rainbow Dash grumbled. "You're just trying to distract me from a totally uncool crime you've been committing under the nose of all Fillydians for Celestia knows how long!"

"Tell us how to wake up Applejack!" Stu Leaves insisted. "Then we'll go about waking the others!"

"I... I-I can't..."

"Why not?!" Rainbow snarled.

"Because... b-because they can't be woken up once they've drank cider from the Chalice!" Silver Shill gulped. "Not now! The only way they can come back to this plane is if they willfully choose to exit the collective subconscious meeting! But..."

"But what?!"

"Well... it's j-just that Shindig and her sons organized this meeting! And they didn't tell me exactly what they would be orchestrating from beyond the enchanting chalice's influence! All I know is that Shindig sits at the heart of the sphere and Flim and Flam are acting as her buffers—a gateway into the other plane! Since they started this meeting, it goes to reason that only they have the power to stop it!"

"So, what you're saying is..." Stu Leaves rubbed his head, wincing. "They're all sharing some sort of crazy dream now... but only Shindig or her sons can bring an end to it?"

"Well... yes!" Silver Shill nodded. He then blinked, his eyes squinting beneath their thick lenses. "Erm... then again, in theory..."

"What?" Rainbow Dash hoisted him higher in her grip. "What's in theory?!"

"Guh!" Silver Shill winced, his lower legs flailing. "You don't get it! I was a failing research assistant when Frederick and Felix met me! My life was in the pits! They fostered me and gave me a second chance! I owe them everything... everything."

"So, lemme guess..." Rainbow frowned. "...you're not going to help us."

Silver gulped. "I'm sorry... but I've already made my commitment."

"... ... ..."

WHUD! The tiny door to the factory flew open. Rainbow Dash soared out, carrying a screaming Silver Shill in her grasp as she ascended like a rocket towards the blue skies above.

Two seconds later, a stammering Stu flew after her. "Rainbow! Rainbow! Don't—"

"Stay out of this, Stu!" Rainbow was already at cloud level. She tossed Silver Shill to the winds, clapped her hooves together, and dangled him hundreds upon hundreds of feet above Shindig Soils by his scrappy tail. "So, about those commitments of yours," she spat. "How about we talk about 'em?!"

"For the love of Celestia!" Silver Shill's voice cracked. His glasses flew off, sailing past Stu Leaves' panicked figure. He dangled in a twirl from Rainbow's grip of his tail. "Are you crazy?!"

"Says the stallion who willingly drugs ponies and turns them into freaky experiments for his cider-squeezing lords and mistresses!"

"But th-th-they're all part of the 'experiment' as w-well!" Silver Shill whimpered, covering his eyes. "Why would Shindig and her sons partake in something th-that would hurt them?!"

"Maybe because they're more whacked out than a sea serpent vacationing in the desert!" Rainbow hissed. "And besides, if it's so damned harmless, then surely there's a way to get in there and pull Applejack out! Now start talking!"

"Rainbow Dash!" Stu Leaves hovered at eye-level with her, shivering. "You can't just do this! What if he dies?!"

"Hey, that's a good friggin' question!" Rainbow Dash leaned in, speaking beyond her grip of his tail. "What if you die today, buddy? You think they have corrective eye surgery in the Harmonic Fields?"

"I'm n-not turning my back on Frederick and Felix!" Silver Shill whimpered. "I made them a promise!"

"Is it as unbreakable a promise as gravity?" Silver's tail slipped an inch, his whole body jostling. "Cuz the laws of physics are ahead of your cheapskate buddies by about four billion years!"

"Rainbow..." Stu leaned in, grimacing. "I want to bring back Applejack just as much as yo do, but think about what you're doing! You're an Element of Harmony!"

"Stu, I'm Loyalty," Rainbow Dash said, glaring up at him. "'Kindness' stayed at home." She glanced down at the dangling stallion. "Though, if this waste of bones does fall, I'm sorely tempted to try out 'Laughter' for a lonnnng while."

"Okay... okay!" Silver Shill sobbed, clasping his forelimbs together and pleading. "I'll talk! I'll tell you everything I know! I pr-promise!"

"Then what's stopping you?"

He hyperventilated, teary eyes squinting. "The Chalice." He gulped. "Drink from the Chalice, and you'll join them on the plane."

"Pffft. You mean, after all this, you think I'll actually fall for that?!"

"You d-don't get it!" Silver Shill gulped. "Shindig and her sons only planned for four guests! They simply don't have the headspace to handle any more visitors on their plane! They're able to control things just enough from Shindig's sphere of influence, but the Alicorn magic is still a huge mystery to them! It's a mystery to everypony!" He slipped a few more inches and yelped. "Th-th-there's no possible way to wake them from the outside! It's gotta be done from within! So, if we were to join them on the plane, we might be able to bring them back to the waking world!"

"Might?"

Silver Shill bit his lip. "When I had my turn to enter the plane, the only way I could be brought out was by Flim and Flam personally! And... and..."

"And what?"

"Well... for as long as I was in there, I-I didn't want to be brought out!" Silver shuddered. "You have no idea what it's like in there without a firm controlling sphere. All of your dreams come true. It's like heaven in a passing thought! Time slows down and... and you're experiencing pure ecstasy!"

"So what are you saying...?" Stu managed to murmur.

"Your friend Applejack?" Silver shook his upside-down head. "...she may not want to be pulled out of there by this point."

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath... then let go.

Stu Leaves gasped.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiieeeee!" Silver Shill flailed as he plummeted to his death—

FWOOOSH! Rainbow Dash flew underneath the stallion and caught him within a dozen feet of the ground.

"Guh!" Silver shuddered, breathless. He glanced down at the blue pegasus underneath him. "You... y-you caught me?"

"Don't be stupid," Rainbow grunted. "I was always going to catch you."

"Oh... bless you! Bless y—Aaaugh!" He yelped as he was tossed unceremonoiously to the dirty ground. THUD!

Rainbow Dash and Stu Leaves hovered above him.

"Now..." Rainbow Dash leaned in, glaring at Silver Shill's trembling, pale face. "Explain to us how the Chalice works."

"I..." Silver hugged himself, shivering. "I'm not sure I can..."

"Want to go for another flight?"

"Okay! I-I'll try! I'll try!"

"Much better..."

Occupied

Stu Leaves trotted backwards out of Silver Shill's stagecoach. With a scowling expression, he tossed a pair of metal shackles onto the dirt floor in front of the trembling stallion. "Hoof-cuffs? Hoof-cuffs?! Really?"

Silver Shill gulped. "You see... I-I ran into some... c-complications with the first guest." He nodded his head towards the factory. "Mulia Mild. She d-didn't drink as much as she needed to in order to enter the meeting. I... uh... I had something of a struggle on my hooves." He smiled awkwardly. "But I managed to get her to take another sip so she conked out!"

Stu nearly wretched. "I don't know what's more pathetic: the fact that you can't seem to tell how disgustingly atrocious this whole 'cider meeting' is, or that you actually take pride in shoving these ponies into this mess against their will!"

"But... you d-don't get it!" Silver Shill gulped. "Mulia Mild, Donut Joe, Gustave le Grand—even your fair Applejack! They're all getting the opportunity of a lifetime!"

"Don't you mean Shindig's lifetime?" Stu's eyes narrowed. "What's so honorable about her achieving her dreams if it's at the cost of other bodies and souls?"

At this point, Rainbow Dash rolled out of the stagecoach, shoving a half-empty crate of bubbling cider. "Nnngh... guh!" She hovered above the container, panting. "Okay... so what about this cider makes it carry ponies into la-la land?!"

"For the hundredth time," Silver Shill moaned. "It's not the cider! It's the Chalice! Only it contains the encanting alicorn touch that takes the drinker onto another plane of existence! You could put any kind of cider in it. It doesn't matter! The Chalice has a special relationship with those who consume the drink from it! It's... it's like a free pass to another world!" He smiled with sparkles in his beady eyes. "A world far older and more glorious than this one!"

"You know what I think?" Stu frowned. "I think you've been brainwashed by these Flim and Flam floozies into excusing their abductions in any way possible!" He pointed an angry hoof. "And the moment we bring the police down on this whole mess—"

Rainbow Dash, who had been staring off with a sullen expression, suddenly reached in and hooked her forelimb around Stu's. She pulled the surprised and blinking stallion aside, then murmured in a low voice. "Stu, maybe he has lot his marbles, but I think there's something to be had in his story."

"What...?" Stu Leaves did a double-take. "Rainbow, maybe the humidity's getting to your skull out here, but... think about it." He gestured towards the factory. "I admit that even I was captivated by his madcap story! Because I want Applejack to come out of this safely! But... face it... what's the simplest reality that we have to face here?" His face hung sad and pale. "That Applejack's been swept off to some mental fantasyland? Or that we have a very real creep here doing very real bad poisony stuff to our very good friend?"

"Then what explains the freaky machine with the sparkling electricity, huh?" Rainbow asked. "Or the glowing dark crystals and Shindig's urn?"

"I dunno!" Stu cackled loudly, pulling at his mane. "Maybe Nightmare Night came early this year! Rainbow Dash, this is crazy! We—"

Rainbow placed a hoof over his mouth. She took a deep breath and calmly said, "I couldn't agree more. But I think this freakazoid is onto something."

"And what in Celestia's name makes you say that?"

"Because... because a bunch of the crud he's claiming matches some of what I saw inside the house."

"House?" Stu blinked. "What house?!"

"The dusty abandoned one I totally snuck my way into via a two-story window that this wimp couldn't climb through even if he tried."

Stu gawked at her, then at the Shindig household. "Rainbow..." He winced, looking at her again. "You didn't."

"I did," she said, frowning. "And I'm glad, too. Because now I'm willing to bet that we'll find more answers in there than we will from this floozie."

"And meanwhile, what's Applejack to do?" Stu hissed. "Waste away on a gurney while we chase a paper moon?!"

"Wouldn't she give us the benefit of the doubt if your or I had drank from the Chalice instead?"

"... ... ..." Stu Leaves took a deep breath. "Rainbow, I..." He shuddered. "I'm not used to this crazy sort of nonsense." He gulped, eyes moist. "Where you lead, I will follow. Especially if it means helping Applejack."

"Good boy." Rainbow nodded. "First thing's first..." She spun about with a frown.

Whump! Silver Shill collapsed inside a cramped outhouse, having been thrown on his rump.

"Ooomf!"

While Stu Leaves dusted off his forelimbs, Rainbow Dash leaned forward and hoof-cuffed the frail stallion's rear leg to a rusted pipe through the tiny lavatory's concrete foundation and deep into the earth.

"Hey!" He gawked, his muzzle hanging agape. He yanked and pulled at the bindings, then looked up at the two pegasi. "But I helped you!"

"Believe me, pal..." Stu Leaves scowled. "Helping is the last thing you've ever done."

"Please, you have to understand..." He stood up as much as he could, anchored into place by the unbreakable manacles. "They promised me a future in the Alicorns' plane." He grinned drunkenly. "If you've experienced that sort of bliss, you'd have followed the orders of Felix and Frederick too!"

"Well, somewhere, you made the wrong decision." Rainbow Dash gripped the door. "Maybe, amidst all the smell, you'll wake up to it soon." She then slammed it shut.

"No, wait—!" Silver Shill pleaded.

SLAM!

Rainbow Dash spun around, seething. "Ohhhhhhh how I wanna do worse than that to him."

"I'm beyond pleased that you've held back, Rainbow," Stu Leaves said. "And... who knows? Maybe he can still be useful to us."

"Yeah. As a throw rug." Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, then motioned the stallion along as she glided towards the house. "Come along."

Stu flapped his wings. "What exactly are we looking for?"

"Anything to do with an 'Alicorn Chalice,'" Rainbow Dash said. Her eyes narrowed. "And 'Phillip Pilanthropy.'"

"Who?"

"You'll see..."

Hooey Science

"This is beyond bizarre!" Stu Leaves slapped down a notebook, upsetting a cloud of dust inside Shindig's home. He looked across the living room's sea of notes and scrap paper. "So, all this time, Frederick Flim and Felix Flam weren't really travelling entrepreneurs. It was all a cover for this... crazy archaeology project! A sham!"

"With names like theirs, could you blame them?" Rainbow Dash muttered, fishing through the mountain of papers with blue forelimbs. "I've already found several bank notes for loans taken to fund a 'new experimental cider mill.' That must be how they got all of the electrical gadgets powering up that thingy that Shindig's sitting in."

"Their own mother..." Stu shook his head in shock. "It just boggles my mind. What are they even hoping to accomplish?"

"Beats me, but they fooled a lot of ponies into helping them along the way." Rainbow Dash shuddered, looking away. "Even Fancy Pants... jeez..."

"Huh?" Stu glanced over, blinking.

"Er, nothing. Just..." Rainbow sighed, wincing as she flexed a numb forelimb. "J-Just remembering something a stallion told me several weeks ago."

"Hey, Rainbow, are your legs alright?"

Rainbow Dash jerked. She immediately resumed pilfering through the various notes and maps. "Uhhhh... of c-course!" She gulped. "Why wouldn't they be?"

"'Cuz, for the past few days, I couldn't help but notice you grimacing in pain a bit while you—"

"H-hey!" Rainbow Dash waved, then lifted an old book that she had found beneath a rubbish pile. "Check this out!"

"Er... how's an old book going to be of use to us now?" Stu asked.

She turned it around so that the cover faced him. A sticky-note was plastered on the side with the words "Relics of Ancient Alicornia" hastily scribbled.

"Oh..." Stu blinked, trotting over to stand next to her. "Good find."

"Is it, though?" Rainbow Dash began flipping through the pages. "Could just as well be any stupid old manuscript picked up from a library." Her eyes narrowed. "Guh... and we just can't afford to read through every friggin' page! Not with Applejack conked out along with the rest of—"

Stu cleared his throat, then reached in over Rainbow's shoulder. "It's a lot easier... considering that Frederick and Felix have done all the reading before us."

"H-huh?" Rainbow Dash blinked in confusion, until she realized that the stallion was flipping through the book until it opened to a very obvious bookmark. There, along the right page, an entire paragraph had been highlighted in bright yellow. "Oh. Uh... awesome?"

Stu smirked briefly. "Go on. Read it. What does it say?"

"I'm... uh... not the best when it comes to eggheading."

"Fine. Then I'll read it." Stu grasped the book from her and squinted at the golden paragraph. "...'And if the ancient manuscripts found deep within the Canterlot mountain's crystal caves are presumed to be true, then this lends credence to a radical theory about the fate of the alicorn race: namely that they split off in two vastly different directions, experiencing dramatically different fates. One group, enchanted by pure greed and malice, transformed themselves into metamorphic wraiths that mysteriously disappeared amongst the Equestrian populous. The other group, however, peacefully and harmlessly vanished into thin-air, utilizing a magic that is spoken of in the ancient tongue as N'lywhymnm, meaning Heavenly Ambrosia. To reach such a celestial peak of existence—making themselves invisible to the mortal eye—they had to drink from a goblet sculpted out of pure Ether, which is the hypothetical substance of the black void that exists beyond known stars. While modern day scientists scoff at the idea of purified Ether—and with good reason—it cannot change the fact that over thirteen different ancient civilizations all bear a legend referring to this same tale, of old ancient gods who drank from a chalice made out of utter darkness so that their souls vanished forever from this world. The implications of this are astounding, for if the ultimate desire of immortals was to leave this plane, then what is in store for the future of mortal kind?'"

The stallion grimaced slightly. He slapped the book shut with a sigh and shook his head.

"Rainbow, I don't think this is getting us anywhere. So what if Shindig and her sons believed in this hooey? It still doesn't tell us what they're doing to Applejack and how we can get her out of there..."

Silence.

He looked up, blinking around. "Rainbow Dash?"

"Stu..."

He turned around.

She stood before the broad map hanging on the wall, with several pins and strings converging around a note that screamed: "Chalice Found!" Her tail flicked as she turned around and gazed softly at him.

"Just think for a moment. What if it is true? I mean... that the brothers had found this ancient Chalice that allowed the alicorns to vanish from this world?"

"Rainbow, you saw Applejack," Stu Leaves exclaimed, placing the book down onto a table. "Did she look 'vanished' to you?"

"Yes, but she's mortal." Rainbow blinked. "Mulia Mild, Donut Joe, Gustave le Grand... they're all mortals." She gazed up at the map once more. "Their bodies are here. But their consciousness?"

Stu shuddered, trotting towards her. "You're starting to sound like Silver Shill."

"Maybe I do."

"So... d-does this mean that we should believe him?"

Rainbow exhaled. "I'm mostly trying to wrap my head around what Shindig wants out of all this..." Her lips trailed off, and her eyes twitched. "...the urn."

"Huh...?" Stu Leaves blinked.

"What if..." Rainbow Dash paced around, thinking out loud. "What if Phillip Philanthropy's ashes are in that?"

Stu glanced at a framed photograph sitting on the edge of a table. He pointed at it. "You mean Shindig's husband? The one you showed me in these photos?"

"Right. Picture this." Rainbow Dash sat back on her haunches, holding her forelimbs up. "Philanthropy dies... right? Serenity Shindig just about collapses in grieft. So, like, she's so dang sad that she almost gives up on the farm. This causes her twin stallions—Frederick Flim and Felix Flam—to feel super responsible over their mom. Then they catch wind of this Alicorn Chalice thingy, and—like—it's a wild shot in the dark, but they nevertheless travel all around, digging up dirty and excavating all around Equestria."

"They run into Silver Shill and he joins their little psycho party."

"Right." Rainbow nodded. "And then they find this Chalice. And, somehow, it can take their consciousness to this 'other plane' that was only ever accessed by immortals before."

Stu shuddered. "In theory."

"Just hear me out." Rainbow Dash's eyes narrowed. "What if... like... there's a chance—or at least they think that there's a chance—of reuniting with the spirit of Shindig's dead husband?"

"You mean..." Stu clenched his teeth. "...as in beyond the dead?"

"I'm pretty sure Philanthropy hasn't been suntanning in Dream Valley all this time, Stu."

"I... I dunno, Rainbow Dash." Stu rubbed his head, wincing. "We're getting into all sorts of metaphysical wackiness."

"It's a strange world, Stu," she said. "There stands to be an even stranger universe."

"But it's been five years!" Stu exclaimed. "Even if ghosts and spectres and life beyond the grave is all real... I mean..." He shrugged wildly. "How in Tartarus' name is anypony supposed to expect a soul like Philanthropy sticking around his own ashes for that long?"

Rainbow Dash gazed into the shadows, rubbing her chin.

"I mean... even if all of the weird things we've discovered could be true, that is the biggest stretch of all, don't you think?" Stu gulped. "And even if Shindig and her sons were to find Philanthropy's 'ghost' or whatnot—how does Applejack fit into this? Or the other three for that matter?"

"You mean, why have this otherworldly 'meeting' to begin with?"

"Exactly!"

Rainbow blinked. "...they were all invited... to see if they were competent... for inheriting Shindig's farm and cider mill..."

Stu raised an eyebrow. "But it was all a cover for deception, Rainbow. We both know that."

"Yes... but..." Rainbow looked up at him. "What if there was some truth in that?"

"How do you mean?"

"What if this is all still a contest to see who among the four is most worthy!"

"Most worthy of what?"

Rainbow simply stared at Stu.

Stu Leaves' ears drooped a he paled. "I... I-I'm not sure I like the direction this conversation is going."

"We have to know more." With flaring nostrils, Rainbow Dash dove once more into the notes. "Quick! Help me!"

"Help you with what?"

"Never mind ancient books and maps, we gotta find something more personal," Rainbow Dash said. "Like a journal or something!"

"But that could be anywhere!"

"Right! So help me look!" She glanced up with a brief frown. "Everywhere."

Blue Pages, Red Pages

About a full hour into scrounging about Serenity Shindig's living room, Rainbow Dash was battling numbness. She rubbed her forelimbs together when Stu Leaves wasn't looking, struggling to get a pinprick stab or two of tingling from her nerves. She knew that there was ample amounts of Zecora's medicine waiting for her in the back of the wagon, but there was no time to waste. Not with Applejack's fate in the balance.

So, gnashing her teeth, Rainbow Dash dug through the mountains of rubbish. She sighed in frustrating, wondering just what it was that inspired the two sons of Shindig to be so incredibly sloppy with their resources. She imagined a manic pair of siblings so hell-bent on salvaging their parents that they threw everything to the wind, burning bridges behind them... or at least leaving them in disrepair.

She hated them. She despised them. And yet, as the hour wore on, and the initial shock of seeing Applejack's unconscious body began to fade, a part of her began to understand them. There was a part of her that—every night—excused her tears to the deep, deep desire to see her own dad again, to hear his words. It was an impossiblity; she had known that for a long time. But—to think—that some crazy hocus pocus could conceivably make it possible to bring the spirit of a dead loved one back...?

Rainbow Dash frowned. Her breathing grew more passionate, intense, as she felt the anger rising once again. She wasn't about to give in to sympathy, especially for such conniving miscreants. Life was simple—or at least it used to be. In the days before her crush on Applejack melted into a full-blown obsession, all that mattered to Rainbow was flying faster than the wind and having hooves strong enough/quick enough to uppercut any moron who deserved it. But, lately, things were getting... complicated. Rainbow couldn't tell if it was all a direct consequence of her secret love, or if the universe just suddenly decided that it liked toying with her.

Once more, she found herself... strangely wishing Lancie was there. He was a curse, a blight upon her life. And yet, he held a strange intuition that solaced her, that made her creep on towards the next absurd objective with ardent curiosity. Though Rainbow Dash knew it was a lost cause, she held secret confidence in him—that he was a soul who had all the answers, though he wasn't about to share them all. And she knew that, respected it. Sometimes the most secret lives were the ones truly deserving the title of "awesome."

With a sigh, Rainbow Dash picked up a postcard. It featured a picture of Canterlot mountain, with the royal spires looming along the edge of its majestic, waterfalling cliffs. Silently, she turned the card over, and something she saw made her raise an eyebrow.

Scribbled in neat hoofwriting: "Check Ponyville: Golden Harvest, Applejack, Cup and Carrot Cake. Possible candidates for the heir."

Rainbow's lips pursed. "...heir?"

"Rainbow!" Stu Leaves exclaimed.

"Gah!" Rainbow spun about, nearly dropping the postcard. "Wh-what is it?"

"I found something!" Stu beamed, hovering across the dark-lit, dusty interior. He held a black-bound book in his hooves. "Or... at least I think I do!"

"Well, let's see it."

Stu Leaves flipped the book open. "August Twelfth... August Twentiet... August Twenty-Eighth..." He looked up, eyes bright. "Yes! I-I do believe this is a journal that they've kept!"

"They? You mean Frederick and Felix?"

"Well, they talk about 'Mother' and 'Father' a lot." He flipped to a page early on. "Ahem... 'Today, we've made an important ally. Silver Shill: quite the dapper fellow, if not a few bushels short of a harvest. He's trusting and naive. We can easily get him to do a clerk's paperwork for the next excavation. But, more importantly, assuming we find the Chalice in the next dig, then he'll make a wonderful test subject. Frederick agrees. We only hope—if the legends hold true—that he doesn't feel compelled to stay in there forever. But, it could work to our advantage, assuming it inspires in him complete and unwavering fealty—'"

"Yeah, okay, I get it." Rainbow frowned. "Flip towards the last entry. That's where the juicy stuff has gotta be!"

"Ahem... r-right..." Stu fumbled, flipping towards the end of the book. He bit his lip, eyes scanning the pages. "'This is Felix, writing for Frederick this time. My older brother is overwrought with emotion, and I can't blame him. Tomorrow is either going to be the start of a glorious chapter in our mother's existence, or the end of something that was once quite majestic. Unlike Freddie, I'm quite chipper and full of hope. We've come too far to fail now. What stands to be done is forming the bridge between our mother's sphere and the Alicorn dreamscape itself. But, now that we've found the energy core, that shouldn't be difficult. The hard part is being patient and having faith, for once we are conked out like a couple of bachelors on a Friday night, it'll be up to our trusty little Silver Shill to scrounge up the applicants. Only one of them will be the heir, but mother should be able to determine that once she or he enters the fold along with the rest of the group. We've only got one shot at this, and we shan't let Mother down. Consequences in the real world be damned. The Equestrian government can hunt us down to the ends of the earth, for all we care. But if... if..." Stu's eyes twiched as his lips pursed.

"What?" Rainbow gasped, leaning forward. "What is it?"

Stu bit his lip. "Uhhh... 'If sacrificing the soul of a worthy applicant is all it takes to anchor Father deep within Mother's sphere, then it will be worth it. I'll settle for a shell of a stranger over the eternal tranquility of the ones who foaled us anyday. I know Freddie's conscience is less inclined to dwell on it, but that's precisely why I narrowed the applicants down to ponies, mules, and griffons whose parents had already long passed away. That way, there'll be less family members to miss the one whom we barter for Father's soul. And, besides, if they were in our place...'" Stu looked up, his face pale. "'...surely they would understand as well.'"

Rainbow Dash exhaled, her ears folded back. "They're... they're going to sacrifice one of the four to..." She grimaced. "...to lasso the spirit of Shindig's dead husband?"

"Do you think that's even possible?!" Stu exclaimed.

"Do you think I friggin' care?!" Rainbow growled. "That means there's a one-in-four chance of their slaying Applejack! And not—like—her body... but her soul?!"

Stu shook his head. "These ponies are mad. We've got to get her out of there, Rainbow, before they manage to do anything from inside that... that..." He shuddered. "...whatever they're in."

Rainbow rubbed his cheek. "Hmmm... energy core..."

"Huh?"

She motioned with her hoof. "Gimme that book for a second."

"Sure thing." He passed it to her.

Rainbow flipped a few pages towards the middle, pausing every now and then to squint at the scribbled paragraphs. "... ... ... " She flipped some more, then stopped, her eyes twitching. She leaned forward, reading right off the page. "'Success. Felix and Silver Shill came back from Fillydelphia. Apparently they intercepted an auction of the Black Market before it got to Manehattan where surely Don Canter and the other mob bosses would have bought everything up. At first, when I heard about all the bits they lost, I wanted to wring their necks. But then Felix took me aside and showed me just what he and Silver Shill won with their bids. Now we have a source of energy for the cider engine, by Jove! Felix said with his usual jubilant outburst. I had a hard time believing him at first, seeing that it was just a seemingly innocuous chunk of black rock...'" Rainbow's breath left her. When it came back, she had skipped ahead a few lines. "'...but, indeed, from the tests we have run, I now believe whole heartedly that this can keep mother's chamber running smoothly, and it will maintain the dreamscape once she's taken a sip of the Chalice and gone to commune with Father's spirit...'" Her head lifted up.

"Rainbow Dash?" Stu blinked curiously. "Rainbow, what is it?"

Rainbow bit her lip. In a flash, she dropped the book and soared speedily out the front door. Fwooosh!

"Rainbow Dash!" Stu gasped, then awkwardly flapped his wings to catch up with her.

Blue Pills, Red Pills

Rainbow Dash flew past the wagon where her potions were. She soared past the outhouse where a hidden Silver Shill pounded anxiously against the door. She flew immediately into the factory, past the metal door, and soared right up to the electrified contraption.

Serenity Shindig rested comfortably and unconsciously inside her glass chamber, clutching ahold of the fragile urn with graceful hooves. However, above her calm face, her scarlet made, her entire body altogether, there was a tiny glass sphere—which was electrified on opposite ends by jolting pieces of sparkling blue electricity. Rainbow Dash hasn't bothered to look hard at this upper part of the machine before, but it was now clear to her that the energy was being channeled directly through it. If she looked close enough, she could see the pulsating source of the core rotating and twirling about, exposing all of its jagged and finely sculpted edges.

"No way..."

Rainbow grimaced.

"No friggn' way..."

Rainbow gnashed her teeth.

"Lancie, did you know anything about this?" She shook her head, answering her own question. "No. He couldn't have. Nopony could have..."

As the stone inside the chamber twirled again, Rainbow saw tell-tale sculptures of an ear, brow and parts of a goat-like mane. To an unknowing eye, it would have looked like just any random chunk of black stone. But, to the prismatic pegasus...

"It's part of his head..." She cooed.

"Part of whose head?" Stu wheezed, slumped in mid-air behind her.

Rainbow spun to face him, her face blink.

Stu gave her a concerned look. "Rainbow? Is... is everything okay?"

"I..." She bit her lip. "I've seen this sort of stuff before."

"What sort of stuff?" Stu squinted at the magically twirling substance inside the core. "It just looks like a dumb rock to me." He nevertheless blinked. "Perhaps some sort of magical crystal?"

"Not so much magical as chaotic."

"Huh?"

"Stu, we're dealing with something really... really heavy here."

"How so?"

"I'm totally convinced now that the Shindig family is working on something legit here," Rainbow said with a cold shudder, descending towards the floor where Applejack and the other five rested on their gurneys. "Legit scary."

"Well, that much is obvious!"

"No, you don't get it, Stu!" Rainbow wheezed, touching down on weak forelimbs. "They're powering their machine up with something that's—like—the total opposite of Harmony."

"Meaning?"

"This is well beyond us." She gulped hard. "Beyond me."

"So what?!" Stu floated up, frowning at the energy core as he raised an angry hoof. "Let's just smash the thing and be done with it!"

"No! No!" Rainbow's voice cracked as she raised a hoof towards him. "That won't fix things!"

"How do you know that?"

"I don't!" Rainbow said. "But I'm not about to risk losing Applejack and the rest to that Alicorn hocus pocus forever!" She grimaced. "You read what Flim and Flam wanna do to get their father's ghost back!"

Stu squinted at her. "Rainbow, since when were you not the kind of mare to smash stuff first and ask questions later?"

She frowned. "Since my best friggin' friend got entangled in the damn thing! That's when!"

Stu bit his lip. He fluttered down from the energy core, his ears folded. "I'm hating this more and more by the hour."

"You're not alone, dude," Rainbow sighed, running a hoof through her mane.

"I just can't believe they were able to go behind everypony's backs and... and do this sort of crud!" Stu exclaimed, touching down beside Rainbow. "I mean, what kind of an Equestria do we live in where this stuff can happen?"

"It ain't as pretty a place as we all want it to be." Rainbow gulped. "Trust me."

Stu looked softly at her. "Sometimes I think there's more to your words than you let on, Rainbow."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," she muttered. "Or else I'd be less awesome."

"If you insist." Stu gazed worrisomely at the contraption and the seven ponies fused to it. "If we can't smash the machine, and Shindig's got her hold on the 'applicants,' then what can be done?"

"Whatever we do, I doubt we have much time to think about it," Rainbow said. "For all we know, Frederick and Felix could be choosing the 'heir' right as we speak."

"So..." Stu shuffled in place, trembling slightly. "Do we... uhm..."

"Hmmm?" Rainbow gazed at Applejack. With a soft breath, she stretched a hoof over towards the sleeping mare's freckled face.

"Do we... y'know...?"

Rainbow stopped her forelimb. She bit her lip, then turned towards Stu.

Stu gazed at her.

Rainbow gazed back.

"Would it... be the two of us?" Stu asked.

Rainbow gulped. "I still think it's a trap."

"I wasn't even about to pretend that it'd be safe," the stallion said. "But... for Applejack?"

Rainbow gazed once more at the mare. "And what if all of us get trapped? I mean, it's not even remotely our kind of frontier."

"Neither was Fillyda, but we came all the way."

"Stu..." Rainbow sighed. "Don't even pretend to make an analogy between—"

"Rainbow, I'm doing my best to cling to hope, which is a lot easier when AJ herself is around. But with her gone..." He sighed, smiling weakly. "I'm leaning on you girl. You're the waking Element of Harmony here. What do you think should be done?"

Rainbow bit her lip. She turned and gazed at the chaos shard inside the machine in silence.

"... ... ..."

The Smart Thing

The door to the outhouse creaked open.

Silver Shill's beady eyes squinted in the sunlight. He sat up, still chained to the thick pipe by the hoof-cuffs.

Stu Leaves and Rainbow Dash stood side by side, glaring down at him through the entrance.

"Where can Serenity Shindig be found from within the Alicorn plane?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Silver squinted. "Are you going in after your friend?"

Stu Leaves spoke: "Tell us what kind of a place Shindig and her sons would be maintaining."

"You're going in there, aren't you?"

"Is there some way it can be recognized?" Stu asked, waving a hoof. "Will it look and feel like Shindig's Soils?"

"Heheheheheh..." Silver Shill shook his head. "You've got no idea what you're getting yourselves into. You'd have a lot more luck sending me in there, instead."

"Yeah, and let you be someplace where you'll never want to come out again?" Stu shook his head, frowning. "That's not happening."

"Well, either way, you're on your own." Silver folded his forelimbs. "I've committed myself to the brothers first. And after the deplorable way you young punks have treated me, I've no mind to tell you any more!"

Fwoosh! Rainbow glided in and slammed his body against the wall. "Think about it, Einstallion! If this goes the way you've set it all up, you won't just be an accomplice to kidnapping and abduction, but murder as well!"

"Murder?!" Silver spat. "Pffft! That's below the Shindig clan! All they want is to achieve paradise! Whether that's on this plane or the next, does it really matter?"

"It matters to me, you sniveling little asshat!" Rainbow growled in his face. "My best friend's stuck in there!"

"And she'll be witness to the glory of Shindig's wonderful dream!" Silver Shill exclaimed. "You should envy her! Celestia knows I do!"

"She could die!" Stu barked over Rainbow's shoulder. "Any one of them could! Maybe even all four! Your 'enviable clients' plan to sacrifice whoever it takes to try and bring back the soul of Shindig's dead spouse, Philanthropy!"

"Is..." Silver Shill blinked. "...is that a fact?"

Silence.

Silver grinned, face pale with sweat.

"Grnnngh..." Whump! Rainbow dropped him to the floor of the outhouse. She scowled down at the scrawny stallion. "You really don't know anything, do you? All you care about is doing the brothers' dirty work and being rewarded with another trip to the alicorn plane. You're like a pathetic dog, starving for attention."

"If you've seen even an ounce of what I've witnessed in there, then you'll realize that we've all been starving our whole lives." Silver squirmed, eyes darting between the two with feverish little shivers. "When the meeting is done, and Mr. Flim and Flam wake up along with their mother, they will make everything right. And... and maybe they will even let you join me! Yes..." His breaths shuddered as he smiled with bright white teeth. "You'll forget about how angry you are. You'll forget about everything! Even your friend!"

Rainbow Dash's ruby pupils shrank. She raised a hoof.

"Nnnngh!" Silver flinched, covering his head with one forelimb.

"Rrrrrggh!" Rainbow swung her hoof down. Smassh! She formed a heavy crack in the wooden plank just above Silver's skull. Her forelimb hung limply with a huge red whelt while she hovered in place, panting.

"Luna's hips, Rainbow!" Stu Leaves grimaced. "That had to have hurt!"

"No..." Rainbow gulped hard, shuddering. She ran her other hoof up her numb limb and exhaled. "There's only one thing that hurts anymore."

Stu stared curiously at her.

"Buck this." She spun and flew off towards the wagon. "Buck all of this."

"You'll need me if you want to go anywhere," Silver said, hugging himself and shivering. "All is lost if it doesn't plow by Shindig's fields." He broke into tiny little giggles, hooves kicking against the doorframe of the outhouse.

Stu bit his lip. Twirling about, he flapped his wings and soared after Rainbow.

"Rainbow... Rainbow?!" Stu approached the wagon, catching his breath. "Rainbow, what are you doing?"

"That creep isn't going to help us." Rainbow muttered as she reached into her backpack and fumbled through with numb limbs. "But one thing's for certain. Going into that dreamscape place thingy is a death trap for us as much as it is for Applejack."

"Can we really be sure of that?" Stu asked. "I mean, there's no telling that it'll have the same effect as it's had on that guy."

"Wouldn't it?" Rainbow frowned, pulling out a canister of medicinal brew. "We're mortal, aren't we?"

"Well... yeah... but we're more than that!" Stu blinked. "We're Applejack's friends!"

"Which means we're the ones forced with having to do the responsible thing!" Rainbow proceeded to unabashedly pour herself a cup of the broth in front of him. "We'll go in two directions."

"Two... d-directions?" Stu blinked awkwardly. "Rainbow, what are you talking about?! Applejack's here. She needs us here."

"No, she needs us to get her help, and help ain't here!" Rainbow turned towards him with firm eyes. "You'll fly to the nearest towns and fetch doctors, police, wizards—the whole works."

"Yeah, okay. And you?"

"I'm faster than greased lightning." Rainbow swirled a cup of the medicine and took a shuddering breath. "I'll speed my blue butt to Ponyville."

Stu just about fainted. "To Ponyville?!"

"You heard me."

"Rainbow Dash—" Stu winced. "What in Celestia's name for?! It took us three or four blasted days just getting here—"

"On hoof, maybe. But have you seen me fly, buddy?!"

"It's so far away—"

"And I'll do a sonic rainboom per minute if that's what it takes to get there and back!"

"Applejack may not be able to wait that long!"

"What matters is that she'll be waiting for the right thing." Rainbow gulped, gazing a million miles ahead. "If I can bring back the rest of the Elements—Twilight Sparkle and the rest—we can... I dunno... jump-start her from her coma or something."

"Rainbow, are you listening to yourself?!" Stu exclaimed. "You're not even sure that getting the living Elements all the way down here will work!"

"It's a risk that we'll have to take."

"Why?! Because it's the only solution that's familiar to you?!" Stu frowned. "Here, we have the cider. We have the Chalace. We have an opportunity to go in there and pull Applejack out—"

"It won't work..."

"Why not?!" Stu stomped a hoof. "Dang it, Rainbow, why go about this flank-over-elbow?! Applejack tells me all the time that you always go about solving things the blunt and impulsive way, so why now are you holding back?!"

"Because this way over my friggin' head, okay, Stu?!" Rainbow shouted at him, teeth showing. "And I'm not about to lose Applejack's head over it!"

Stu stared at her.

Rainbow fumed and fumed. "Lately, my whole life has been throwing myself at crud and hoping it all works out!" she blurted. "But not this time! There's too much at stake! Applejack is at stake!"

Stu waited a few seconds before calmly muttering, "I figured that'd make you want to fight for her all the harder."

Rainbow winced at that. She hung her head, staring into the cup of broth.

Stu cleared his throat. "What exactly is that?"

"...a pick-me up," Rainbow eventually muttered. "Stu, I'm... n-not as strong a mare as it may look on the outside."

He arched an eyebrow.

She shuddered. "With... with Applejack gone..." Her voice cracked, "I-I feel like a loose feather in the breeze. Call it what you want, but I know my place when it comes to her. And no daredevil stunts into la-la land are going to salvage this situation. I gotta go about this like Applejack: by being steadfast, patient, and above all smart."

"You don't have to do it alone, Rainbow Dash." Stu leaned forward with a calm smile. "Let me join you. We can do this together. We can pull Applejack out by going in there and leaning on each other."

Rainbow slowly shook her head. "No, Stu." She gazed at him. "We're all Applejack has left. We can't just... erase ourselves from the equation in one fell swoop. That's death... death for her, much less us." A long sigh. "We're doing this my way, okay?"

Stu hung his head.

"You'll fly and gather the locals. I'll soar and gather the Elements. Between the two of us, we'll get Applejack the help she needs. Okay?" A firm breath. "No more stunts. No more gambling. All that matters is Applejack."

"I..." Stu fumbled for words, then quietly said. "I'm sure that Applejack will be thankful that you... thought so kindly about her and her well-being."

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow's wings twitched. "We can worry about that after she's awake once again. Now, if you excuse me, I'm gonna need a few doses to get my fuel." And she began sipping the first of many cups.

She wasn't even remotely looking at Stu anymore, which was all he needed to slowly, quietly walk away.

Rainbow Dash swished the medicine around in her mouth, then swallowed a liberal amount. She leaned forward, clenching her eyes shut. A soreness spread through her throat, and she fought the urge to sniffle. Her ears folded back as she lingered there in melancholic stillness.

Silver Shill shuddered, leaning against the pipe to which he was chained.

He rubbed his eyes, clenching his teeth as a deep panic welled up in his frail figure.

Just then, a rigid shadow crossed over his figure.

He glanced up, squinting curiously.

Stu Leaves took a deep breath. "Just tell me one thing, Mr. Shill." His eyes narrowed. "How big of a glass do you pour...?"

The Stupid Thing

Rainbow Dash stretched her forelimb back... and then she stretched it forward.

The numbness was starting to dissipate. She felt strength returning to her extremities.

Exhaling deeply, Rainbow capped the containers shut and slid them back into her bag. She hovered in place behind the wagon, tying her satchel and sliding it in amongst the multiple crates of cider.

"Stu, I... I'm sorry for getting angry just now," she spoke into the country air. "It's just that..." She bit her lip, shuddering. "Applejack means a lot to me. And, for once in my life, I gotta go about this the smart way. I gotta play it safe, y'know? After all, I'm pretty sure it's what she would do for the two of us if we were in as terrible a jam..."

Silence.

"You understand, right, Stu?"

More silence.

"...Stu?"

She looked up, squinting about her.

She was alone in the center of the farm.

"Stu, where... where did you—?" She froze in mid-sentence. Biting her lip, she flapped her wings harder and flew out from behind the wagon.

Silver Shill rubbed his forehead, wheezing, smiling every once in a while.

Fwoosh! Rainbow Dash lowered in front of him, glaring into the outhouse. "Have you seen my friend just now?"

"Heh..." Silver Shill exhaled shrilly, his eyes twitching above a feeble smile. "It's no use. Without me, there's no finding your way! I tried to tell him. But I suppose there's no convincing idiot ponies."

Rainbow's brow furrowed. "Tried telling him what...?"

"You know what I've grown to hate?" Silver Shill looked up, frowning. "Ponies who beat others down and still pretend like they're capable of loving someone!" He spat. "But the Brothers? No... they've only treated me right. They love their mother, and they've given her—they've given me paradise!" The stallion snarled. "You and your friend care so much about that cider-maker. What have you ever given her, huh?! I wonder!"

Rainbow backed up, blinking awkwardly. A pale sheen spread through her figure and she pivoted towards the factory.

The small door hung ajar.

"Oh no..."

"You think this is a gift?! Now?! Hmm?!" Silver Shill shivered and hyperventilated. "He'll die! He'll get lost and become nothing! All because he didn't approve of Shindig's gift to her!"

"No." Rainbow clenched her teeth as she rocketed into the factory. "No no no no no—"

Silver yelled after her. "Neither of you will ever find paradise!"

Rainbow Dash burst into the large concrete building.

Panting, she looked towards the center of the room.

The table stood exactly where it always was, but the pitcher of cider was gone. So was the Chalice.

Breathless, Rainbow flew forward and hooked a right. She looked into the chamber where Shindig's machine lay.

Lying on the floor, propped up against the legs of Applejack's gurney, was Stu Leaves. A half-empty pitcher of cider stood to his left, while a goblet rested on his right, turned over and leaking a tiny trickle of orange moisture. A smattering of glowing blacy crystals rested in a haphazard circle around him.

"Stu!" Rainbow Dash flew towards him and grabbed his shoulders, giving the limp stallion a massive shake. "Stu!" Her panicked breaths steeled themselves into furious snarls. "Rrrrgh... stupid... Stupid Leaves!" He gave his muzzle a firm slap, but it accomplished nothing. His ears remained forever drooped while his eyelids occasionally twitched. "Stupid... Stupid Leaves!" She tilted her head back. "Rrrrrrrrg-aaaugh!"

She dropped him like a loose rag and trotted off, huffing and panting. She paced furious circles, hooves scraping against the concrete floor. All was silent, save for the static buzz and crackle of Tesla coils.

"... ... ..."

Rainbow sat on her haunches, hugging herself as her breaths slowed and normalized. She fumed less, and her ears folded back as a heavy lump formed in her throat. She trembled, looking back at Stu Leaves again, this time with a long and melancholic expression. Crawling over, she examined him more gently this time, pulling back his eyelids and staring into his lifeless gaze.

Stu's lungs expanded and contracted slowly, calmly. He said nothing, did nothing. It was far too late.

Rainbow clenched her eyes shut. She gnashed her teeth, shook, quivered, then calmed again with a heavy exhale. Gently, she stretched him out along the floor, then laid the crystals around him in a more orderly fashion. She breathed into the ones that were dim, causing them to pulse brighter, stabilizing the stallion.

Then the pegasus stood up, wings coiled tightly at her side. She tilted her gaze up, staring at Applejack. Then, at last, her eyes fell to the pitcher of cider below... and the alicorn Chalice lying just a few feet away.

She stood in cold silence.

Okay To Go

Rainbow Dash slowly, limply trotted out of the factory in the middle of Shindig's farm. By then, the afternoon had run its course, and the sun was making its slow way down towards the flat Fillydian horizon. A blood red haze of light fell like a curtain over the unkempt orange groves and thick fields.

The concrete panels that formed the walls of the factory reflected the death of day in a crimson sheen, nearly bliding Rainbow Dash. Not that it mattered much; the pegasus largely kept her head hanging down to the ground.

She trotted slowly across the center of the farmland, her hooves scuffling across the compacted dirt. Cicadas buzzed in the distance, their song wafting through the humid air to make her ears twitch.

Minutes later, Rainbow Dash stood dead-still behind Applejack's wagon. She gazed north, her face deadpan and dull. Her agile body looked ready to leap towards that horizon at any second, but she remained anchored in place.

Slowly, she began chewing on her bottom lip. She turned and looked behind her at the stack of crates. Beside the containers of cider, her bag lay, and in it—she knew—was all of her medicine. It was enough to allow her to fly to Ponyville and back five times, and yet she couldn't budge an inch.

Sighing, she turned and faced the Shindig farmhouse instead.

Rainbow Dash stood silently in the dusty living room. Her soft gaze fell on the large, elaborate model of a steam-powered city, its tiny windmills and rotating parts frozen forever. With the sun setting, it was triply dark inside the abandoned house, but she didn't need to see to know what she was looking at.

The mare slowly turned around, feeling the mess of artifacts, notes, and maps blur all around her. At last, she twirled to a stop, gazing at a brass-framed photograph on an end table. She trotted forward, squinting her eyes.

Serenity Shindig and Phillip Philanthropy gazed back, smiling. They looked so happy, so innocent. In the reflective gloss of the picture frame, the messy work and research of their sons lingered across the room, but the couple were locked far away in a pocket of lost time. They could not notice.

Rainbow Dash sat on the edge of the house's front stoop. She hugged herself, tighter and tighter. The first of several crickets lit the air as the afternoon turned to evening. The sunset had almost entirely run its course, and a soothing cold velvet washed over Shindig Soils.

Shuddering, Rainbow Dash stared up at the wagon, the factory, then the sky. Her breaths came out in ragged bursts, and she couldn't keep her ruby eyes in one place for too long.

Gulping, she glanced down at the dirt in front of her. While there was still dull red daylight to spare, she leaned forward, placed a forelimb against the soil, and drew a curved line through it. She brought it up, down, and back ground, finishing with a neat indentation. The basic outline of an apple now lay before her, and she even gave it a little stem with one final flick.

Biting her lip, Rainbow Dash hugged herself again, rocking back and forth as she stared intently at the outline she had made. She began shivering uncontrollably, and her vision fogged. As tears formed in her eyes, she clenched them shut, hissing under her breath.

She shook once.. twice... and then—at last—the trembles ended.

When she reopened her eyes, they were clear, and an angry frown accompanied them.

Silver Shill was practically sleeping at this point.

Just then, a series of hoofsteps trotted up, then dropped something at his side.

Th-Thud!

"Guh!" Silver woke up with a start, rattling against his hoof-cuffs. He leaned against the pipe and looked down to see a box of carrots. Within seconds, a heavy cider jar landed next to him, followed by a bent, rusted bucket. "What... wh-what...?!" He looked up, beady eyes squinting. "What are all these for?"

"That..." Rainbow Dash pointed at the carrots. "Is for when you feel like eating." She pointed at the cider jar. "That is for when you feel like drinking. And that..." She pointed at the bucket. "...is for the only thing in life you're good for." She narrowed her eyes as she backtrotted. "Because, somehow, I don't think this thing you're in is going to quite cut it."

"Wait... y-you can't be serious!" Silver Shill yanked and jerked at his manacles. "No, don't leave me in here—!"

"Enjoy the smell, ya melon fudge." Growling, she slammed the outhouse door shut.

"You'll never make it! Paradise will be purgatory for y—!"

THUD! His exclamations became muffled shouts.

Spinning around, Rainbow Dash faced the factory and its small door. She took the firmest breath of her life... and trotted forward, entering the structure.

And Then One Day, She Got In

The only thing more unsettling than the dull silence contained within the factory were the constant thuds of Rainbow's heart that utterly shattered it. She trotted forward, one trembling hoof at a time. No amount of medicine was enough to fight off the numbness that was now hounding her system.

Nevertheless, in a courageous stride, she approached the patch of floor where Stu Leaves lay. A distant hissing filled her ears, denoting the rush of blood through her skull. Without hesitation, she picked up the jug of cider in one hoof and the Alicorn Chalice in the other. The mare flapped her wings, carrying both items away from the gurneys and into the front room adjacent to the electrified spectacle.

Rainbow Dash set both items onto the table, then grasped the solitary folding chair. She dragged it, pivoted it with a slight scraping noise, aiming it towards the mechanical array where Serenity Shindig was unconsciously imprisoned.

Then, on swift wings, Rainbow Dash flew into the other chamber and gathered a series of black crystals from Silver Shill's collection. She placed them all around the chair, taking her time to breathe into each and every one of the curious shards. She watched with nervous, darting eyes as each object glowed with an onyx brilliance, filling the immediate air with otherworldly tingling.

At last, with a shuddering sigh, Rainbow Dash slumped down in the chair, tucking her tail underneath her flank. She laid back, nostrils flaring, as she gazed ahead.

The mechanical sarcophagus and its chaotic energy core flickered across the factory from her. Shindig, Felix, Frederick, and the four "guests" all formed an eerie symmetry between her and the host machine. The only thing that was off was Stu Leaves' dormant body, lying on the concrete floor beside Applejack's gurney. The stallion's figure upset the entire balance of the operation.

Rainbow Dash was about to upset it even more.

Biting her lip, she reached a hoof over, grabbed the pitcher of cider, and tilted it slowly so that its bubbling contents rolled down its lip and into the deathly black hollow of the Alicorn Chalice. Her fuzzy ears twitched from the ticklish sound of fizzing ambrosia. Then, when at last Rainbow was satisfied that she had filled the Chalice to the brink, she placed the nearly-empty pitcher back onto the table... and sat there.

Her eyes tilted up towards the windows that lined the ceiling of the large concrete structure. Blood red sunlight wafted in from the dying evening. Outside, the Fillydian atmosphere lingered, quite possibly the last glimpse Rainbow would ever enjoy of anything real.

With no small amount of trembling, Rainbow reached a hoof over, hooked it through the handle of the ancient artifact, and then raised the goblet to her muzzle. She paused, her nose sniffing the sweet scent of the waiting beverage. Quietly, her ruby eyes darted up and across the interior.

She saw Applejack's beautiful, graceful figure lying on the gurney. The mare's golden mane was draped over her shoulders, some of it cascading over the side. Her body slowly rose and fell as her muzzle's freckles twinkled under the last hint of sunlight.

Rainbow took a deep, deep breath, then finally brought the broth to her lips. She closed her eyes, releasing all inhibitions as she drank, drank, drank. It felt like an eternity since the pegasus had last indulged herself with cider. She was so mired by the recent circumstances that the honey-sweet taste of the substance practically flabbergasted her. She nearly choked once or twice—through sheer surprise—but she maintained her composure, drinking evenly, cleanly, and before long the entire contents of the Chalice had been emptied.

Swallowing the last of the nectar down her throat, Rainbow Dash cradled the goblet in her hooves. She breathed in. She breathed out. She breathed in again... and she breathed out again.

Nothing was happening.

Rainbow Dash opened her eyes.

The same factory loomed around her, its gray concrete panels looming under a crimson haze. The metal array flickered with electricity across from her, and the bodies remained dormant on their gurneys.

Rainbow Dash blinked. Her eyes narrowed as she glanced at the pitcher on the table to her left, then finally at the Chalice clasped in her hooves.

She turned the thing over, examining its empty contents. At last, her eyes fell over the black-winged alicorns gracing opposite ends of the goblet's lid. The closer of the two figurines clutched the edge of the Chalice, its head sharp, graceful, and unmoving... until it blinked.

Rainbow's blood went cold. Her eyes narrowed as—

With a loud neighing sound, the black alicorn spread its wings, flapped the glossy appendages, and detached from the container altogether. The tiny thing flew in orbit around Rainbow Dash and her chair, circling closer and closer, lower and lower.

Rainbow gawked at it, her muzzle hanging open, shivering. At one point, as the obsidian body streaked by, she glanced straight ahead into the room adjacent to her. A sharp chill ran up her spine.

Shindig's eyes were open, and she was glaring at her. The lid to the urn in her grasp rolled back, and a dark mist began pouring out—

Th-Thap! The tiny black alicorn landed squarely on Rainbow's fuzzy blue chest, weighing her down.

Rainbow froze, unable to move. The Chalice slipped from her hooves, rattling to the concrete floor. Struggling, she tilted her head as far as it would go and stared down at the puny equine mounting her.

The alicorn's eye flickered red. It leaned back, rearings its hooves... and then sank into Rainbow's chest, disappearing altogether.

Rainbow Dash gasped. She tried lifting her hooves, but she was glued to the chair. Her lungs began quivering, her heart palpitating. Something rose up from her gut, rippling, bubbling, undulating. At first, it came out of her mouth in a little river of spittle... and then in a thicker, solid stream. She didn't feel like she was vomiting... or even choking. And yet, as she drooled and sputtered, the liquid came thicker, denser, and more forcefully. Soon enough, a veritable flood of moisture was rolling out of her mouth, spilling all over her neck and chest and limbs.

Her eyes darted down, and she caught the tell-tale orange sheen of cider rolling across her body. To her horror, the liquid multiplied in volume, gushing out of her mouth in a veritable monsoon. She couldn't breathe, couldn't gasp, and just as the sensation was becoming unbearable, she heard a consistent roar of thunder from the center of her skull, piercing outward in opposite direction. Within seconds, the same liquid was trickling out her ears, forming puddles on the floor. Her coat was covered in a fine sheen as every pore emptied, sweating bubbly cider from every orifice. The mare couldn't help but cringe as a waterfall formed between her legs. In a panicked jerk, she tried looking down, but suddenly her eyes were tearing up, soaking up, fogging up.

"Grllggghhhh!" she whimpered as jets of cider came out her eyes. Rainbow Dash was a living sprinkler at this point, vomiting and leaking ambrosia in every direction. As her water-logged eyes adjusted to the sensation, she could see that the entire floor of the factory was now covered in a fine layer of cider. The liquid level rose, and soon her chair and the table beside her floated in the bobbing currents. The gurneys in the opposite chamber floated off, carried along invisible orange rivers to nebulous destinations. In a fuzzy blur, Applejack's body floated off, rocketing away at the speed of sideways hail.

Rainbow Dash flung a hoof towards her, only to topple off the chair completely. She rolled and twirled in a monsoon of cider, being flung around in a cyclonic spin. Flashes of concrete and pipework blurred past her, taunting her. She screamed, but all that came out was bubbles and madness. Spinning for the umpteenth time, Rainbow Dash spotted the windows to the world outside. It was flooding outside too, with huge jets of cider pelting the building from every angle. The stress was too much. The concrete pylons buckled. The glass panes cracked. Giant fissures formed in the heart of the factory, ready to burst.

The mare flinched, hugging herself as the world imploded around her.

With dull thunder, the factory ruptured. Sheets of concrete debris flew off into the liquid ether, carried by currents stronger than gravity itself. Tsunamis of bubbly orange quaff rolled Rainbow Dash in every conceivable direction. She tried swimming in a straight line, but her limbs and wings could only flail wildly. Completely gone was the infernal machine that Flim and Flam had built, or the heart of chaotic stone that powered it. Across the flooded expanse, Rainbow caught hints and glimpses of darting black things, like the very tips of wings sculpted out of volcanic glass.

There was no end to Rainbow's panic. All this time, she couldn't tell if she was drowning, holding her breath, or both. The pressure on her eyes was strangely nonexistent for being at the bottom of an unfathomable ocean of cider. This was magnified by the horrifying realization that she was just as much full of the stuff herself.

The agile flier struggled to keep herself even, but the currents carried her swifter and faster towards some unspoken destination. Gradually, as the chaos grew more and more bearable, she spotted things surging by her, like shoals in river rapids. Rainbow spotted the streaking blades of windmills, a steam pipe or two, and balconies with flooded flower gardens. She let loose a muffled shriek, trying her best to swim towards the darting structures, but they all disappeared as soon as they appeared. Something drifted past her face, glittering with jewels. Out of the corner of her twitching eyes, she could have sworn that it was a tiara. Rainbow reached for it—only to bump into something large and gangly from behind.

The mare twirled about.

Tens of thousands of dead horse faces loomed beyond the depths, their horns and wings just as dormant as their bobbing heads.

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth wide, and the resulting scream propelled her backwards through the copper-brown miasma. She spun and twirled multiple times, and in so doing she spotted a beacon of light surging in rhythmic pulses. Kicking, thrashing, she aimed herself towards the beacon and began swimming. With rapid strokes, she pushed forwards... upwards... and the light grew brighter, bigger, whiter. Somehow, the mare knew deep in her gut that it was sunlight, and that only urged her all the more forward as she approached a solid wall of undulating air.

SPLASH!

Rainbow Dash pierced through... and fell. Plummeting from a cider atmosphere, Rainbow Dash descended upon an enormous ocean of the same stuff. Orange waves and eddies shimmered as far as the sunlight could touch in every horizon. The mare fell for the better part of a full minute, and at last her body landed in the bubbling depths, rolling over, toppling. She kicked and thrashed her way to the surface, emerging once again, this time restrained by a merciful gravity.

"Bgrllfkgrkstt! Gguhghgh... Chllesttiaaaarglglll!"

She splashed. She rolled. She surged forward, and somewhere—somehow—she made contact with something solid. With a dull whimper, Rainbow threw herself straight towards it, and she rolled upright onto a sloped stone shore. Deep shivers hounded her body. One hoof at a time, she pulled herself onto dry, sunbaked concrete, then outright collapsed with wet heaves.

The undulating, vomitous motions consumed her. Grimacing to the point of implosion, the mare pushed herself up on all fours, lurched, and opened her mouth wide.

"Graaaakllkgkkkkk!" Rainbow threw up a solid column of orange liquid. It took the better part of two minutes to empty the full content of her lungs. At last, the pony collapsed in a puddle of her own juices, clinging to the concrete shore like it was her mother's bosom. She panted, wheezed, and shuddered. Slowly, ruby eyes weak and thin, she tilted her head up and looked straight ahead.

A giant pale blob occupied her vision, fading in and out of a sickly fog.

Rainbow Dash winced, squeezing and unsqueezing her eyes shut. She ran a forelimb across her muzzle and stared ahead, blinking fixedly.

Gracefully, an enormous trapezoidal building came into focus, its angular pale frame looming three stories high above the mare and the shallow concrete shore where she had been beached. Rainbow's ears tickled with the gentle roar of rolling waves from the cider ocean all around her.

"Hrmmmf..." Coughing, sputtering, the mare slowly pushed herself up on buckling limbs. "Grff... that was easy..."

If We Can Dream It...

Waves crashed and foamy currents of cider rolled up all around the inexplicable concrete island.

Gradually, Rainbow Dash managed to sit up, coughing and spitting out the last bits of ambrosia from the back of her throat. She was soaked thoroughly from mane to tail, but still in one piece. Nevertheless, this didn't stop her from pausing for a prolonged length in time, sitting on the sloped concrete shore as she basked in the warm, toasty sunlight from above.

Squinting, she tilted her head and stared upwards.

From her position, the sky looked perfectly blue, like a clear summer's day. Gone was any trace of a cider ocean looming above her—the ocean she had fallen out of. There was no telling just how dynamic or shifty this environment was, if one could even call it an environment. If Rainbow didn't know better, she'd guess she was on some sort of tropical island in the middle of a real sea. But could her senses be trusted? Could anything be trusted, such as her awareness of space? Time?

That was contemplation enough to force her to stand. Almost instantly, Rainbow Dash noticed a change. Blinking, she stretched her muscles, flexing her forelimbs back and forth. A curious shudder ran through her.

There was absolutely zero trace of numbness. All tingling and traces of atrophy were gone. Rainbow Dash felt as healthy as the day she was born, and it frightened her.

With a slight shiver, Rainbow Dash slowly twirled, peering across the deep orange ocean of rolling cider waves. The horizon undulated with yellow bands of ambrosiac currents as far as her eyes could see. Lulled by the crashing waves, she finally turned around to study the structure in front of her.

It was an enormous building, to say the least, shaped like a forward-leaning trapezoid with pronounced beige frames sloping towards the unseen rear. In a way, Rainbow almost felt as if she was looking at the front end of a gigantic concrete scuttle crab with geometric shell panels. That wasn't the weird part—the odd thing was a perfectly harmless patch of grass, flowers, and garden hedges partitioned off from the rest of the concrete environment. The landscaping looked purposefully constructed to add aesthetic relief to the location, as well as to lead the trained eye towards the front of the building.

Peering, Rainbow Dash saw what looked to be a sign situated directly in front of the building. It was an upside down trapezoidal solid, mimicking the angular frame of the building itself. Trotting up towards it, Rainbow squinted, spotting a line of words, perfectly legible: "If we can dream it, then we can do it."

The mare's blue brow furrowed. She looked up at the building looming above her. Then, with a deep breath, she trotted around the sign, past the garden landscaping, and approached the very front of the structure itself.

There, she found a solid line of glass windows, framed with brightly-painted orange concrete. Rainbow noticed that the ground beneath her was sloping upwards into the entrance at a very gradual grade. Because she was busy studying this, it completely and utterly startled her when sliding glass doors schwissshed open, blasting her with a cool burst of blissful air conditioning.

"Gaaie!" Rainbow Dash yelped, a bit too effiminately for her own liking. Clenching her teeth, the mare slowly, pensively trotted inside what turned out to be a dimly-lit lobby. The floor was a dark velvety carpet, and a cool blue aura filled the chamber, laced with ultraviolet dark lights. Rainbow Dash caught a faint neon glow in her peripheral vision. She looked up to see a marquis sign lit up from behind:

"Futureport" it read, then featured several columns labeled "Flight," "Destination," "Service," and so on. Rainbow Dash also spotted names such as "Mesa Verde," "Brava Centauri," and "Ciudad Atlantica," just to name a few.

Before she could completely register all of this, something bright and animated darted past her vision in a neon streak. It was accompanied with a literal bleeping sound, like one of Twilight Sparkle's laboratory machines was dribbling code and static into the air conditioned lobby, drowning out the waves from outside.

Rainbow spun, twirled, and finally latched her vision onto a geometric anomaly, a living, floating geodesic sphere that flitted about along the edge of the ceiling.

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash barked.

The rotating grey object seemingly obeyed her, levitating to a stand-still just above the mare's soaked mane.

"Hold it right there!" she said, pointing a hoof.

The object shook, wobbled, and then morphed briefly into a yellow-orange solid. "YES" chimed a synthesized voice.

Rainbow squinted. "What do you mean 'yes?'"

The geodesic sphere floated around, following the edge of the lobby's ceiling, before once again expanding into the pastel solid: "YES."

"Is that all you can say?" Rainbow droned.

The sphere darted overhead, wobbled slightly, then dramatically morphed into a crimson star just long enough to crackle: "NO."

Rainbow arched an eyebrow. "Know anything else?"

"YES."

Rainbow exhaled with a shrug. "Postive and negative, huh?" she said. "You're a doofus."

"YES."

Sighing, Rainbow trotted past the marquis sign and down a long queue line laced with steel metal rails. "Well, where are your alicorns? Are they gonna miss ya?"

"NO."

"What am I? Your new alicorn or something?"

"YES."

The pegasus grumbled slightly to herself as the geodesic sphere followed close behind her flicking tail. "Another mouth to feed," she muttered.

"YES. YES. YES. YES. YES."

"Okay, you've gotta be more useful than that if you wanna be of any help to me..."

Now Departing...

Rainbow Dash trotted past a marquis marked "Futureport" and "Departures." Tonguing the inside of her mouth, she hung a left, following what turned out to be an elaborate, zig-zagging line framed by silver metal rails. The interior of the structure was cool, dark, and dim. Directly above, an angled slitted ceiling glowed with soft neon blues and purples from within. The far walls were lined with glowing lights, giving the entire place an ethereal look and texture. Somewhere—as if from deep within the ceiling itself—Rainbow Dash heard soft lobby music playing with violins and a mellow horn section.

"So... uh..." Rainbow Dash murmured as she softly padded along, her coat and mane drying with each step. Her head tilted up, catching the glowing streak of the geodesic sphere flying overhead. "Did Alicorns really build this place?"

"YES." The floating object formed sharp yellow angles and collapsed once more into a ghostly golf ball.

Chewing her lip, Rainbow pressed on. "But... like... is this building something they made too?"

"YES."

"Is it..." Rainbow blinked, pausing to rub her head. "Is it my dream?"

"YES."

Rainbow frowned. "Okay... either you're full of crap or you're contradicting yourself."

The sphere flickered red. "NO."

"Okay, for realsies, how can this be both the alicorns' dream and my own?" Rainbow rolled her eyes at her own words. "Guess that's not a 'yes' or 'no' question..."

"NO."

Rainbow took a sharp right, following the line. To her left, an enormous glass pane lit up. Rainbow squinted into it, only to see a kaleidoscopic array of streaked colors and glowing imagery. Upon closer examination, she realized that it was actually a single mural being reflected at dozens of angles from the side, creating the illusion of a continuous sphere of drawn panels. It depicted what looked to be an elaborate underwater city with submarines, scuba diving ponies, and aquatic life.

"Is that something the Alicorns built as well?" Rainbow asked.

"NO."

Rainbow paused in her step, fidgeting. "...could it be something the Alicorns might build?"

"YES." The sphere flashed overhead.

"Hmmmm..." Rainbow Dash thought back to the words she had read at the front of the building. "'If we can dream it, then we can do it.'"

"YES. YES. YES."

"I think I'm starting to get it..."

Rainbow Dash trotted in a descending circle, following the queue line. To her left, she passed another glowing mural, reflected a hundred times. This time it depicted a massive urban sprawl in the center of an enormous agriculutural farmland. Ponies trotted about peacefully while a large monorail rolled through an elaborate metal station.

"...what the alicorns think in this place, they get."

"YES."

"And what they've gotten... they more or less became."

"YES."

Rainbow passed another lit mural, this time depicting what looked to be an elaborate set of metal structures floating amongst the stars. She squinted intently at pony-piloted vessels floating in and out of their docks, while equines in space suits orbited about.

"Could I... speak to one of the alicorns?"

"NO."

"I c-can't wake any of them up?"

"NO."

Rainbow's ears flattened as she glared up at the sphere. "Are they all gone?"

"YES."

The mare fidgeted, glancing left and right. At last, with a deep shudder, she muttered, "Do you know where my friend Applejack is?"

The sphere flitted about before ultimately morphing into yet another crimson star. "NO."

With a heavy sigh, Rainbow Dash trotted into the next corridor, approaching a low humming noise. "Not the answer I wanted to hear..." The geodesic sphere happily flitted after her.

F'naaaaaaevolution

"Look, could you not buzz my head so closely?"

"YES."

"Then would you mind giving me some breathing room?"

"NO."

"You have any friggin' clue just what this place is?"

"YES."

"Does it attach to—like—the rest of the alicorns' dreamscape?"

"YES."

"Do you think I'd be able to... uh... find other dreamers by going through here?"

"YES."

"Could you explain to me how to get there?"

"NO."

"Unnngh!" Rainbow Dash stopped in her tracks, spun around, and growled at the floating geodesic sphere. "Then if you're not going to be of any more help to me than the stupid flip of a coin, would you kindly make like a donkey's butt and split?!"

The sphere twirled to form a red star. "NO."

"I mean it!" Rainbow spat, pointing an angry blue hoof. "Get out of here!"

"NO. NO. NO. NO."

Rainbow sighed in frustration, twirling about to swat and whip at the floating thing with her tail. "Buzz off! For realsies! I've already had my fill with annoying pint-sized sidekicks in the real world! I don't need any of that crud here, and I'm most definitely not gonna be taking binary sass from a geometric turd that got doped up on helium! So, unless you can turn into someone or something that can help me find my way around the dreamscape, I want nothing to do with you!"

Just then, the geodesic sphere locked in place. It twitched, twirled, then spun-spun-spun, growing brighter and brighter with a pulsing gray aura.

Rainbow Dash backed up, ears folded with a wincing expression. "Er... look, take it easy. I didn't mean to make you divide by zero or nothing." She shielded her eyes with her outstretched wings as the light became blindingly bright. "Jeez! Lay off the glowing, will ya?!" Just then, she blinked. "Huh?"

With a final strobe of energy, the sphere unfolded, rolling its golf ball features back and then expanding to six times its original size. Legs grew, along with a glittering black mane and a white coat. A grayish-lavender uniform unfolded with matching pant-legs. Finally, with a bright blink of soft purple eyes, an earth pony landed on the floor right in front of Rainbow Dash and leaned forward with an ecstatic grin on her muzzle. Plop! "Hey!"

"Luna Poop!" Rainbow Dash fell on her haunches and scooted backwards until she was leaning up against a steel railing. She grimaced and shivered in the cold neon lights of the air-conditioned chamber. "What gives?! Why are you a pony all of the sudden?"

"Heeheehee! Because you requested service beyond my initial form, which means you must be among the waking! But you need not fear, my little alicorn!" The mare adjusted her uniform, reached forward, and hoisted Rainbow back onto her hooves. "EPCOT is here to escort you back to your Sim!"

"Uhhh..." Rainbow squinted at her. "What did you say your name was...?"

"Hehehe! Why, EPCOT!" The mare stood tall and proud, brandishing her "Cast Member" name tag. "The Experimental Pony Chaperone Of Tomorrow! But—hehe—of course you know that." She rolled her eyes, giggle-snorting. "You made me, after all."

"I... made you?" Rainbow Dash squinted.

"Hmmmmm..." Epcot rubbed her muzzle, squinting quizzically at Rainbow's fuzzy blue forehead.

"What, you see something there that you like?"

"Hehe! Maybe! I was just noticing that you're missing a horn." Epcot grinned. "No worry! I can take you to Lost and Found if you like!"

"Uhhhh... no... I'm good." Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. "And I'm not an alicorn—"

"You're not an alicorn?" Epcot blinked her purple eyes. "But... how can that be?"

"Look, all I know is that I took a sip of this crazy goblet thingy and the enchanted cider brought me here—"

"Wait, do you mean to tell me you're a mortal?"

"Uhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash fidgeted. "...yeah?"

"Duaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Epcot gasped, her jaw exploding in a wide, wide grin. "A mortal!" She danced around in a giddy circle. "I can't believe it! I can't believe it! I can't believe it!" She hopped up and down. "I've always wanted to meet a real flesh-and-blood mortal! Tell me!" She leaned forward, beaming. "What's it like to excrete fluids? Have you foaled yet? Are you color-blind? Do you feel nightly heart-stabbing pains of existential unrest?!"

"Whoah whoah whoah..." Rainbow Dash waved her hooves, backing up from the grinning mare and her glittering black mane. "Easy up on the meat-speech." She cleared her throat. "At the risk of sounding lame, could we dumb things down a notch? I mean, one second you were a ball who couldn't talk and now you're a bunch of talk having a ball."

"Ohhhhhhh... I just can't help myself!" Epcot trotted in place, gradually nudging Rainbow backwards across the line. "I've wanted to talk to a mortal in forever!" She blinked aside, simpering. "Granted, I've wanted to talk to anypony in forever, but hey! Who's counting! Besides me, of course... Heehee!"

"Wait..." Rainbow pointed. "You mean—all this time—you've been alone here?"

"Yup!"

"For how long, exactly?"

"Roughly for hundred thousand seven hundred and twenty-two days!" she sing-songed. "But don't worry! The Future is Now! Isn't it great?! Hehehe!"

"Uhhh... yeah... sure—Whoah!" Rainbow Dash gasped as she stumbled onto a moving platform. She looked around to see a series of bright orange seats gliding along a magnetically propelled track. Each "car" faced in one direction, moving in time with the gliding platform. "The hay is this?"

"Something I've been wanting to use for a long, long, long time!" Epcot said, squeeing. "A Tutorial! It will teach you all the ins and outs of Cider Space!"

"The ins and outs of what?"

"Cider Space!"

"The buck is that?"

"Why, it's where you are! It's where all the dreamers are!" She winked. "And if we can dream it, then we can do it!"

"Uhhhhh—"

"Oh! By the way." Epcot took a deep, deep breath. "Are you in any way pregnant, disabled, diabetic, epileptic, claustrophobic, or prone to motion sickness?"

"Er... none to all of the above."

"Perfect!" Epcot spun, smacking Rainbow with her uniformed flank.

"Gaaah!" Rainbow fell back into one of the seats. "Ooof!"

Fl-Flash! In a blink, Epcot turned into the geodesic sphere, shot over, and rematerialized in the seat just left of Rainbow Dash. "The doors of your vehicle will close automatically. Please! Remain seated with your legs, hooves, tail, and wings inside the vehicle at all times." She gasped. "Oh! And no smoking, please."

Rainbow squinted at her. "Who says I'm the one smoking?"

"Shhhhh!" Epcot squirmed in her seat as the car carried them into a dark corridor full of glittering lights. "It's about to begin! Phweeeeeee! Holy Figment this is the best slice out of subconcious eternity everrrrr!"

Alicorns Had a Dream, And That's the Start

"We are now departing!" Epcot sing-songed. "Our final destination! Your own personal pocket of Cider Space! Teehee!"

"Look, that's awfully cool of you n'all," Rainbow Dash said, fidgeting in her upright seat as the ride hummed along, rolling ever-onward to their right. "But what I'm really looking to do is find my friends and get—"

"Oooh! It's starting!" Epcot stifled a squeal. "Oh, it's been eons since I got to do the tutorial with somepony! And a mortal to boot! Let's see if I remember all of it..." She dragged her hoof across thin air, opening up a glistening portal through which she procured a wired microphone. "Ahem." While the two ponies rode past a series of glimmering cloud formations, she boldly spoke: "Wait until you see the new dreamscapes of tomorrow! Desert farms, floating cities, even colonies in space! But, y'know..." She grinned aside at Rainbow Dash. "This wouldn't be the first time that anypony has tried to make this trip. Alicorns have been dreaming about the future for centuries!"

Rainbow was about to interject yet again when fancy organ music started playing. Her eyes jerked towards the right, spotting the first of many ancient diagrams that had been turned into animated dioramas with flickering amber lights and watery ripple effects.

"Here's the stuff dreams were made of! Several hundreds of thousands of years ago!" Epcot grinned, took a deeeeeep breath, then grinned again. "Yupperooni! It's always fun looking back at tomorrow! Come on! I'll show you what I mean—"

"For real, you don't have to give me the whole friggin' college lecture," Rainbow Dash said. "A simple explanation about this... uh... Cider Space would do just ni—"

"There's the grand ol' stallion himself!" Epcot said, standing up as she pointed at a giant bullet-shaped metal vehicle hanging amidst twinkling cosmos. A young stallion floated in zero gravity, surrounded by floating tomes, ancient navigation equipment, and a floundering chicken. "Starswirl! This is how a venture into the final frontier looked like to him back in the Post-Chaotic Age! Ol' Star may not have had all the answers, but he certainly began inspiring the right idea!"

"Wait..." Rainbow tapped her head, cross-eyed. "Starswirl... Starswirl..." She brightened. "You mean Starswirl the Bearded? But... like... where's his beard?" She blinked hard. "And he totally wasn't an alicorn!"

Epcot giggled, glancing away from her microphone. "Well, for a mortal, he was a little ahead of his time. Heehee... one of the first ponies on the physical plane to be granted the powers of magic by alicorn kind!"

"Granted the powers of magic?"

"Mmmhmm-Hmmhmm!" Epcot grinned from ear to ear. "And—being a pony born on this plane—he was able to bridge the gap between mortals and immortals and come up with a means of communication!"

"Soooooo..." Rainbow Dash squinted. "Cider Space, right?"

Epcot immediately turned towards the scene of an ancient alicorn city full of flying machines and magically floating platforms. "Y'know, alicorns have painted some pretty fantastic views of the future!" Rainbow groaned and face-hoofed while the otherworldly tour guide went on. "And some pretty mixed up ones, too!" She giggle-snorted and gestured at a large ring-like structure. "Here, they drummed up this silly idea of using an ENORMOUS habitat ring to carry their organic DNA eternally into the cosmos! I mean, talk about goofy failures!"

"Er..." Rainbow's ruby eyes blinked curiously. She lifted a hoof. "Wait—"

"Easy living!" Epcot gestured as the ride carried on through a palace balcony where alicorns reclined on sofas and bathed in tubs. Meanwhile, crystal-powered golems swept the floor and cleaned the banquet halls. "It's always been just around the corner!"

"What's Starswirl got to do with this?!" Rainbow asked. "When or where does the friggin' Chalice come in?!"

"Hmmmm-hmmm-hmmm..." Epcot bobbed back and forth, eyes shut as she pleasantly hummed. "There's a great big beautiful tomorrowwwwww, shining at the end of every dayyyy—"

"Dang it!" Rainbow snarled. "Enough with the cast member bunk! I swear, you were more useful as a floating 'yes/no' suppository—!"

"And yet, today, with what alicorns know and what they've learned from the likes of Starswirl to do, they really can bring their dreams to life!" Epcot grinned as the ride carried on through a hallway full of dancing rainbow light. "It's taken a lot of hard work, but if the alicorns can dream it! They really can do it!" Then, with a proud wave of the hoof, she gestured outward. "Tomorrow's horizons are here—today!"

Just then, the ride emerged onto an enormous screen, upon which was projected an ocean of cider, from the depths of which emerged terrestrial landscapes and mountains and palaces full of ethereal alicorn figures. In the center of it all floated a magic statue of Starswirl—beardless—in the embrace of several smiling alicorns as he held a suspiciously familiar goblet up high in his hooves.

Rainbow blinked, her eyes so deeply saturated with the vivid imagery that she felt like she might teeter over and fall off the ride at any second. "Oh..." Her ears twitched. "...well that's kinda awesome."

They Followed That Dream With Hooves and Heart

The large screen in front of the two ponies flickered to a large council building where several rows of seated alicorns gazed down upon a small gathering of mortal equines. Starswirl levitated a scroll, smiled, and pontificated to the observing crowd.

"Because of the synergy that has been established between immortals and the unicorns of the physical realm, they had established magic spells of unprecedented power! The minds of alicorns were wise, placid, and tranquil, but in many cases they lacked the sheer ambition of mortal beings. This is why unicorns like Starswirl were capable of stepping up to the plate with grandiose ideas that sparked the imagination of alicorn-kind!"

The enormous screen switched to an arcane foundry where giant bands of glimmering crystal spun in an elaborate centrifuge. Their jagged arms shot beams of purple and pink energy into the center of the magical core. There, a black substance materialized into being, engineered by the pure transfer of energy into matter.

"Following Starswirl's lead, the alicorns built a machine that could craft physical structures out of pure thought. This led to the birth of obsidian stardust, a malleable substance constructed out of the fabric of alicorn dreamscape. However, without an anchor to the mortal world, the stardust couldn't take form."

Squinting into the billowing core of the machine, Starswirl approached the onyx cloud. His horn glowed as he came closer and closer. Then, gritting his teeth, he reached a hoof in. The light consumed him as the young stallion opened his mouth in a silent scream.

"Alas, before the alicorns could stop him, Starswirl committed the ultimate sacrifice, donating his own essence to the stardust so that it would remain in a corporeal form. Thus, it ended up taking on the form of the last thought that crossed the brilliant mortal's mind."

With a loud rattle, a black goblet landed in the center of the foundry, its dark lid mounted with tiny alicorn effigies.

"Thus, the Alicorn Amulet was finally crafted into being! It was the essence of gods, and a monument to Starswirl's fearless ingenuity all the same!"

"Wait..." Rainbow Dash leaned back in her ride's seat, grimacing. "Starswirl... disappeared?"

"Yup!" Epcot grinned proudly, slapping a hoof over her nametag. "Gets you right here, don't it? Heehee!" She cooed dreamily, purple eyes sparkling. "And what a handsome devil, too..."

"But... he came back!" Rainbow exclaimed, smirking briefly. "He totally reappeared! Like... thousands of years ago! In Equestria!" She tugged at the end of her mane and held it right under her blue chin. "And he grew a pretty wicked beard, too."

"Heehee!" Epcot patted the pegasus' head. "Silly mortal! How could Starswirl have reappeared in Equestria without an anchor?"

Rainbow stared at her with dull eyes. "Just as likely as a mortal is to enter Cider Space?"

"Hmmmm..." Epcot tapped her chin. "Well, you are adoracute. Maybe the alicorn spirit made an exception."

"Buh?"

"Oh hey!" Epcot turned and gestured towards the ride as it abandoned the screenfor the facsimile of an alicorn palace full of regal figures. "Look! It's the life of tomorrow—today!"

"You mean this is where the alicorns figure out what to do with the Chalice?"

"Heehee! By Figment, you're right!"

Rainbow exhaled, folding her forelimbs. "About friggin' time..." She blinked as the ride glided slowly along. "Hey. Glowy lights. Cool."

Author's Note

Courtesy of Ponky, Circa Summer 2012

And When It Becomes a Reality

The ride passed a procession of alicorns, trotting up as they took turns ceremoniously drinking cider from Starswirl's black goblet. One after another, the intoxicated immortals made their way to a series of long cushioned beds lined with glowing beams of mana. There, they fell into blissful slumber, and Rainbow watched in dumb awe as their bodies vanished, becoming trailing shadows of purple and blue colors.

"The alicorns discovered that, by filling the enchanted Chalice with ambrosia and drinking the contents thereof, their essences entered a dimension of pure thought. As it turned out, they were becoming one with the magical leylines that bound them to immortality in the first place! It was like merging into traffic on the spiritual highway of sentience! Heehee! Soon, they discovered that being on the spiritual plane was far more fortuitous than remaining on the physical, so there they stayed. And there... they built their greatest and most glorious masterpieces of the mind..."

The ride moved through yet another large screen, this time broadcasting a wide angled lense that recorded breathtaking shots of rolling mountains, spacious planes, and floating plateaus. Elaborate palaces, upside-down castles, and beautiful hanging gardens stretched as far as Rainbow Dash's twitching mortal vision could comprehend. Alicorns morphed into various ethereal shapes and forms as they danced and glided and chased each other across the heavenly gardens and impossibly complex architecture.

"In cider space, they built their greatest inventions, realized their most cherished dreams, and constructed ideas and sculpted concepts and molded imaginations that the physical plane could never realize!" Epcot said, her eyes sparkly and dreamy. "And then, over time, as they meditated and grew accustomed to their immortality, they became one with that perpetual hum of the universe, and transcended the barriers of their own thought."

"Wait wait wait..." Rainbow Dash wrenched her eyes off the glimmering palaces afloat in the ether and gawked at the chaperone seated next to her. "What do you mean? The alicorns... disappeared?"

"Hmm?" Epcot blinked at her. She giggle-snorted. "Of course! I forgot. You're a mortal. You couldn't possibly know these things." She tapped the pegasus' fuzzy blue muzzle. "Booop!"

Rainbow frowned and pushed Epcot's hoof away. "Seriously! Where did they go?"

"It is not for myself to know any more than you, I'm afraid." Epcot's pale muzzle hung in a brief, melancholic slump. "I am just a mere construct, sculpted out of thought like so many beautiful creations of the alicorn dreamers. I've scoured the shimmering ends of subconscious mindscapes for eons, and I haven't met a single lucid alicorn."

"They..." Rainbow winced. "Th-they left you alone in this place?"

"Oh, it's not so bad, really!" Epcot grinned. "What better place to roam than in a wonderland chock full of endless rolling masterpieces?" She gestured at the epic megastructures looming just beyond the ride's reach. "Every genius work of art ever dreamt of by alicorns have been mine to oversee and preserve. And yet..." She nevertheless sighed. "...what I wouldn't give to know where they are, how they are fairing, what secrets from beyond they might be learning." She turned to smile gently at the pegasus. "You see, immortals can never really die. True, they can become dormant, but their minds become the essence of something else, a foundation to all dreams and imagination. If they weren't out there somewhere, suspended in perpetual slumber, then Cider Space would vanish in an instant! Oh, I very much doubt that the mortal plane would fair very well either! Heeheehee!"

"You know... uh... EPCOT," Rainbow's voice cracked. "Some alicorns stayed behind." She gulped. "Celestia. Luna. Some pretty pink princess pony in a faraway castle..."

"Hehehe! Well of course they did! For Figment's sake!" Epcot rolled her purple eyes, smiling. "They owed their transcendence to Starswirl—a mortal—didn't they? It's not like the alicorns could completey abandon the physical plane! I mean, that would just be smelly and mean!"

"Er... right..." Rainbow ran a hoof through her mane. "But, y'know, about this Cider Space..."

"Mmmhmm? Mmmhmm?"

"Some mortals totally hijacked it in order to—like—craft their own dream world. I mean..." Rainbow's eyes narrowed. "You say that it's been a bridge of sorts into some spiritual plane of existence? Like... a transcendant highway or something that the alicorns built?"

"Indeedy-do!"

"Could this place be used to contact the dead? Dead mortals, I mean?"

"Jee..." Epcot tapped her chin. "I never once thought of that. Granted, I've never met a mortal before until you." She leaned in close, sniffing Rainbow's muzzle. "You're not dead, are you?"

"Err..." Rainbow lightly shoved the mare back until she had her personal space again. "...sometimes I wonder. Ahem. But look, this much I know: a bunch of bad guys—for whatever good intentions—kidnapped some other mortals and dragged them in here. One of them is a friend of mine. On top of that, another friend of mine dove in here to find her. Do you... I-I mean..." Rainbow fumbled with the awkward question. "Do you recall seeing anypony else sailing through this place?"

"You know, come to think of it, I thought I did feel a glitch in the dreamscape! Like little burps in thought—a construct that had to reset itself, only to be normal by the time I had zipped over there at the speed of gasps to observe it." Epcot shrugged. "Then again... heehee... if a new pocket in the dreamscape has opened, then it's not my power to pierce through it."

"What do you mean?"

"Why, I'm only a chaperone, silly filly! An experimental pony chaperone of tomorrow!" She smiled proudly. "I am just a construct, not a dreamer. If a new sim has opened up in Cider Space, it's beyond my power to explore it! Though I might be able to sniff up the trail if I got close enough."

"So, like... how can you get close enough?"

"I can't. But you can!" Epcot pointed with a grin.

"Me...?"

"But of course! If you can dream it, you really can do it!"

"I..." Rainbow bit her lip. "I can barely do basic Algebruck without getting a migraine." She gestured at the flashing sights beyond the edge of the moving ride. "How can I expect to take a flight through an alicorn dreamscape."

"Well, it wouldn't hurt to give it a try, now would it?"

Just then, the ride went dark once more as it passed through a futuristic, metal corridor. A loud rushing sound built higher and higher in intensity. Then, with flickering lights, a series of buttons illuminated across the console that made up the ride's doors. The images were labeled "Omega Centauri," "Mesa Verde," and "Sea Castle Resort."

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Rainbow fidgeted in her seat.

"LAUNCH SYSTEM INITIATED" flashed in front of them in bright red lights. Rainbow felt the ride shaking and vibrating from its core.

Epcot sing songed: "Attention passengers, you are invited to choose your own flight path to the future! Please look at the lit panels below you! Choose one of the destinations!" She winked. "Everypony can choose. Majority rules."

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh huh..." Rainbow's ears folded back.

It's a Dream Come True For You and Me

Rainbow Dash Chewed on her bottom lip. As the ride hummed along, facing a flat blue wall, she spotted several panels lighting up along the inner frame of the seat before her. Her eyes flickered across bright images of a desert, an underwater city, and a bunch of metallic structures floating amidst stars.

"Errr..."

"Heehee!" Epcot grinned, teeth glinting. "They all look so good, don't they?"

"Yeah... I-I guess..." Rainbow's gaze traveled twice across Mesa Verde and two other times across Sea Castle. Then, her eyes fell on Omega Centauri for the third time, and she pressed the celestial icon. "This one looks the awesomest, I guess."

"Neato Keano!" Epcot leaned back and braced herself. "Prepare for the far reaches out outer space!"

"Whoah, really?" Rainbow Dash tightened her muscles as her wings twitched. She looked straight ahead, eyes thin and piercing.

With a rattling noise, several beams of light flickered across the moving wall. Rainbow spotted the moving image of metal hangar doors. They opened to deep space, and the flickering image simulated a swift, zero gravity cruise along the metal lattices of an orbiting station.

"Seriously?" Rainbow arched an eyebrow.

Epcot blinked innocently. "Is something wrong?"

Rainbow gestured towards the images in front of their strafing ride. "It's just a lame projection! It's not even close to the real thing!"

"Heeheehee... this is Cider Space, ya silly filly!" Epcot smiled. "Just what is the 'real thing?'"

"... ... ..."

"If you can dream it, then you—"

"Yeah... I get it." Rianbow frowned. "But I'm no alicorn! I thought this friggin' ride thingy was supposed to show me the rest of Cider Space!"

"Do you really want to see the rest of Cider Space?" Epcot asked. "Beyond the Tutorial?"

"Uh... yeah."

"Then focus on what you want!" Epcot grinned. "The dreamscape will bend to your will!"

"But I don't friggin' know what Cider Space has in store for me!" Rainbow said. "How can I focus on that?"

"You don't. You make the dream revolve around you." Epcot gestured with a pleasant expression. "Think about what your heart desires the most. It's that simple!"

"What..." Rainbow exhaled her breath and murmured in a low tone. "...what my heart desires the most..."

"Yuperooni! After all, one little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation! Right at the start of everything that's new, one little spark lights up for you!"

Rainbow Dash glared at her. "You're cavity inducing. I kinda want to throw up."

"Heeheehee!" Epcot hugged herself as her cheeks went rosy. "You left your tummy in the dreamscape, for Figment's sake!"

"Right... right..." Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, clutching the edge of the seat. "My... heart's desire..."

"Imagination..."

"Right..."

"Is that really so tough for you?"

Rainbow felt a lump in her throat. "You've got no idea." And, at last, she closed her eyes, her ears twitching to the sound of simulated jet engines and roaring exhaust.

Across the starry expanse...

Across the fuzzy dark layers of every lonely night...

She collapsed in warm forelimbs.

A pair of hooves surrounded her in a strong embrace.

The smell of sweat, grass, and the touch of sawdust...

Apples and hay—a weighted ponytail of silken gold.

A cheek that nuzzled Rainbow... lips that pursed and shushed Rainbow's trilling whimpers...

And all the pegasus had to do as surrender...

Curl up and drift in the hug forever...

Never again to be lost...

A brisk wind blew into Rainbow's muzzle.

Her eyes snapped open.

She saw a enormous expanse of verdant green plateaus flanked by sharp canyon drops filled with raging river rapids. In the far distance, entire continents floated amidst the clouds, shimmering with rainbows and ethereal bands of golden light.

"Viola!" Epcot smiled, spreading her forelimbs wide as the two ponies plunged hundreds of feet into the rockbed below. "You've got Cider Space!"

"Crud!" Rainbow Dash shrieked, spreading her wings. Bursts of confetti exploded out her ripbcage and her tail turned to butterflies. "Mega crud!"

"Hmmm..." Epcot morphed into a geodesic sphere and materialized on the other side of the plunging pegasus. "...you don't use your imagination much, do you?!"

"Do something!" Rainbow hissed, wingless and flailing. Her mane exploded into fire-crackers as she plunged towards a pool of foalish laughter in the center of a chocolate basin. "I didn't come all this way just to become a bloody stain!"

"Oh, the fall won't kill you!" Epcot said with a giggle, then blushed. "Though it might confuse you."

"Confuse me?!" Rainbow hollered with what was left of a tongue.

A sphere flitted past her. "YES." And that was precisely when Rainbow Dash struck concrete, her body exploding into a million lady bugs, then morphing back together in the form of a gasping, sputtering pegasus.

"Duaaaah!" Rainbow's eyes bulged. From across the universe, her tail and mane hairs flew into her, one prismatic needle at a time. "Ow! Ow! Ow-ow-ow!" Then, at the last second, her wings snapped towards her with screeching tire noises. The impact twisted her body like a twenty-foot long noodle, and then she collapsed back on her spine, lying in a bed of flowers. The flora gasped in shock and galloped away, leaving her alone in the grassy field. "Muhhhh..."

The geodesic sphere hovered down, then rolled out into the uniformed mare. "Hey! You made it! Heehee! You really are tomorrow's child!"

"... ... ..." Rainbow blinked, staring up at a distant chunk of purple-hued earth floating miles away, flanked by levitating palaces. "...okay, so maybe that was kind of awesome," she muttered into the bubblegum scented air.

Author's Note

Sea Castle: 2
Mesa Verde: 2
Omega Centauri: 3

Epcot Is Best Pony

"You might wanna take it easy!" Epcot chirped, trotting anxiously around Rainbow Dash. "Get used to the dreamy vibrations—"

"I... c-can't afford to wait!" Rainbow hissed, crawling forward, one hoof at a time. Her mane flickered like a torch, and moths flittered out of her ears. "My... friends..." She clended her teeth while her coat turned multiple shades of blue, purple, and cyan. "I gotta find them before Serenity Shindig turns one of their souls into a lifeless husk!"

"Well, that doesn't sound very nice!" Epcot said with a frown.

"And... and if it ends up being her..." Rainbow Dash panted, her body rippling like a fresh water color. "Guhhh... I couldn't... I-I just couldn't live with..."

"I mean it! You'll wanna calm dowwwwwn!" Epcot squatted low. "Mortals weren't meant to fly these plains, y'know!"

"If... if Starswirl could make it past the alicorn zappage..." Rainbow's eyes opened up, leaking plasma and flame. "Then so c-can I!"

"Hehehe! And do you think he went about it as clumsily as you are?"

Rainbow Dash bit her lip, shivering. She suddenly curled up, heaving and wheezing. After a few choking breaths, she hissed, "What must I do?"

"You have to relax, silly filly!"

"But... but I don't know... don't know h-how..." Rainbow winced. "In a place like this..."

"What are you holding onto that convinces you that you're in the real world?"

"The... real...?"

Epcot smiled. "This is supposed to be a place of joy and wonder." She winked. "The fact that a mortal like you got here is a sure sign that you have the confidence it takes to go far places!"

Rainbow bit her lip.

"You need to let go of that which is holding you back." Epcot leaned down to nuzzle the pegasus. "How else are you gonna snoop out your friends, hmm?"

"What's... holding me...?" Rainbow gazed along the green plateau. Her weak eyes squinted.

From a distance, a fuzzy discoloration could be seen swimming through the earthen plane like a sea of piranhas.

Rainbow shuddered, sniffling. "Zecora..."

A series of black and white stripes shot straight towards her, rippling through the ground.

Rainbow gnashed her teeth. "Zecora, I'm so sorry, but you can't help me here. Neither can Noir—"

The stripes struck her. Rainbow howled, her body jerking back. However, within milliseconds, she went slack, collapsing against the stone as her body instantly atrophied.

"Nnnngh! Gaaaughkk!" Rainbow yelped.

All around her, voices echoed closer and closer, tickling her ears with snarls and laughter.

"G-girls... Twilight... Fluttershy..." Rainbow whimpered as her paralyzed limbs grew heavier and heavier. "I'm so sorry. I just... j-just didn't want to burden you." Her teeth chattered as her chin fell closer and closer to the stone below. "Rarity... Pinkie..." She sobbed. "Vinyl, Lyra, Bon Bon, Caramel... you all understand, right?" Her eyes flickered. "Lancie..." And she exhaled one last time.

Her hooves sunk into the ground, one at a time. Rainbow's body puddled into a blue pool while her feathers disentegrated. Then, with a warbling cry, Rainbow sank through altogether.

She emerged, splashing, on the other side, sprouting out of the same verdant plateau, shooting out onto dry land. Her every limb screamed with tingling senses, causing her hooves and wings to twitch. She rolled over, sputtering, feeling the sudden strength to sob:

"Applejack... Applejack..."

Her eyes flew open wide, quivering, as she breathed heavier and heavier. At last, she spotted a pale hoof outstretched before her.

"Welcome to the other side," Epcot said with a proud grin.

"... ... ..." Rainbow gripped Epcot's hoof. She lifted up, carried by her own strong limbs. The ease with which she now stood startled even her. The entire world dazzled in a circle around the mare, and Rainbow felt as if—with one blink—she could propel herself a million miles instantly.

"Whew! Pretty spritely!" Epcot giggled. "That didn't take long at all!"

"But... but..." Rainbow Dash glanced at her healthy limbs. "None of it this is real." She bit her lip. "It's all just part of a dream."

Epcot leaned forward with a smile. "Your strength and determination is real. It's helped you survive in the real world all this time, hasn't it?"

Rainbow simply stared at her.

"So!" Epcot leaned back, grinning. "Where do you want to go first?"

Rainbow pivoted about, gazing in wonder at the floating mountains and palaces. "Anywhere..."

Mountains Beyond Mountains

Rainbow Dash flew... somewhere.

Epcot flitted after her in ethereal orbit as a tiny geodesic sphere. Meanwhile, the pegasus scaled a gigantic floating promontory of perfectly chiseled green rock. Once she had scaled half a mile, she came upon a levitating plateau, atop which several crystalline castles stood side by side, surrounded by brilliant flower gardens. Beneath her, babbling brooks trickled upstream, collecting into floating spheres of crystal clear water. Rainbow drifted past the undulating globes of moisture. Curious, she flew down and hovered before the first crystalline structure that she found.

Peering inside the tall eggshell-shaped building, she saw silken draperies of purple and lavender velvet. A plush couch lay before a breezy window lined with fresh flowers that refused to die. The marble pillars and support struts inside the one-room building were pale white, sculpted out of immaculate marble. A bowl of grapes lay on a mahogany table, all fresh as the very day they were plucked—assuming they were ever plucked at all. Rainbow leaned in to sniff at the fruit. She leaned back, exhaling in thought. Then, with galloping hooves, she ran clear off the side of the plateau and soared for the next continental structure looming beyond the mists.

A gigantic hoop of craggy rock slowly circled, defying gravity. Within the inner ring, several humble cottages loomed, likewise impervious to the tug of natural forces. When Rainbow Dash touched down, she felt as if she was walking on even land. The world spun and twirled beyond her peripheral vision, but she trotted forward, moving past white picket fences and dangling bird houses and tiny ponds lined with cattails.

By the third revolution, she entered the bottom floor of a two-story lodge. The rustic smell of wood and spices wafted across her muzzle. She felt a warmth, then glanced across the rosy, empty chamber to see a stone hearth. A fiery blaze flickered endlessly. Curious, Rainbow Dash trotted straight up to the flames... and stuck her hoof in. The heat didn't burn her. If anything, the flames felt cool to the touch as soon as she made contact.

Rainbow soundlessly glanced aside at Epcot, but the twirling sphere had no reaction. All of this was perfectly normal. Chewing on her bottom lip, Rainbow trotted up the stairs of the random cabin, glancing out the window to see an upside world slowly twirling beyond a line of rose bushes.

She entered a bedroom. There, several crystalline diodes stood on a marble table. Curious, Rainbow shuffled up to the first of many and tapped the thing with her hoof. She jolted slightly as the translucent image of a pair of nuzzling alicorns appeared. They kissed each other's muzzles, then stared back at Rainbow Dash with glimmering eyes. A smile flashed across both of them, and they fizzled in an instant.

Curious, Rainbow pivoted towards the next diode. She tapped it as well. This time, she had to squint from the brilliance of the projection. Three swirling galaxies rotated before her, and beyond them lingered a fluctuating nebulae of infant stars. It all fizzled out just as quickly as it had appeared.

Nostrils flaring, Rainbow looked to her left. An enormous bed with snow-white sheets lay before her, covered all over with rose petals that refused to blow in the endless breeze from the windows. Trotting past an equine suit of armer in the corner, Rainbow mounted a window pane, slipped through, and flew upside-down into the twirling horizon.

Dazzling white comets and streaks of snowy dust skirted past Rainbow's vision. She spread her wings, watching as her blue feathers were gradually reflected off the pale surface of cosmic sleet. Tilting her head up, Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and soared higher, scaling a horizontal waterfall of cosmic dust. She twirled about until the waterfall became a ceiling, and soon a grainy overcast sky stretched over two unfathomably large equine effigies. Mountains of polished gray stone formed a pair of alicorn figure heads that stretched for miles and miles. In each eye socket, entire cities loomed, their streets and towers devoid of all life. Along their shoulders, a series of torch-lit bastions flickered into eternity.

Far beyond the enormous structures, Rainbow Dash spotted floating globes, populated all over with castles and grassy fields and galloping grounds that clung to the rotating surfaces. Beacons of light danced between the spherical continents like tributaries of living faerie dust. It was all so incredibly spacious and beautiful...

"But so very empty," Rainbow Dash muttered.

"YES."

Rainbow Dash glanced aside at the sphere. With a deep breath, she ascended rapidly.

"Let's see just how high these alicorns got..."

And she pierced the mists above, floating into nebulous dreamscapes carved out of trailing thought and threadbare desires, stretched thin above the inner spheres of Cider Space.

And There's No End in Sight

As Rainbow Dash climbed, she realized she was falling. Or, perhaps, she was doing neither. Whatever the case, as she spiraled through the kaleidoscopic expanse of clouds and continents, the colors and shadows around her began to bend. An undulating motion filled the limitless expanse of Cider Space, and she heard a great rumbling from a distance.

Curious, the pegasus hovered to a stop, slowly twirling one thousand and eighty degrees. As Epcot twirled around her, she bent around and stared towards a rippling source of light. At first, she thought that maybe her eyes were crossing—until she reminded herself that she wasn't even using her real eyes. Entire shelves of the sky were cascading towards her, one atmosphere at a time, like giant translucent dominoes. Through the spaces between each shuffling slice of the universe, she spotted oceans of legs, hooves, feathers, and manes.

Then, the wave struck Rainbow Dash, and she curled up into a little ball, wincing. Her coat flickered in her peripheral, and she gasped, all the while flailing between the segmented skies. She looked down at her body. At one point, her skin was an ashen sheet of necrotic skin, covered in powdery snow. At another point, she saw that she was wearing the Loyalty pendant tightly around her neck. As soon as it all began, she was back to her normal self, and she hovered in mid-air, watching as the wave of distortion rolled off into the ether.

"What..." Rainbow gnashed her teeth. "...in the hay was that?"

In a flash of light, Epcot materialized back into the smiling, uniformed pony. "Starswirl's spell has been magnified by a race of alicorns for millennia!" She floated casually around Rainbow Dash. "That means tens of thousands of gods all magnifying the same schism in the dreamscape! Heehee! You can't do that much subconscious galloping without upsetting the neighbors!"

"The neighbors?" Rainbow Dash blinked.

Epcot grinned calmly. "Alternate dimensions! Parallel planes of existence!" She gestured while her mane glittered. "Think of them as... other Parks that you don't have a ticket to hop to."

"Is that really supposed to make me understand it better?"

Epcot blinked. "You mean it doesn't?"

Rainbow sighed, feeling around her neck for a weight that wasn't there. "So... what causes the wave?"

Epcot pouted. "I'm embarassed to answer."

"Try me."

"Neglect," the chaperone muttered. "I'm the only cast member that's been here after all."

"For real?" Rainbow squinted. "The alicorns only constructed one of you?"

"They only needed one." Epcot smiled faintly. "While they were still around, I was sufficient enough to help the dreamers around from Hub to Hub. But now... well..." She nevertheless sighed. "The dream became them." She pointed at another rippling wave of discordant atmospheres rolling their way. "And between the cracks, you—well—you see the other Parks. Heehee!"

Rainbow bore the brunt of another wave, shuddering. Through her left eye, she saw a bronze zeppelin gliding over a blighted landscape of snow and ash. Through her right eye, she spotted a crashed hunk of burning metal where a brown mare approached several dozen bipedal creatures.

"I think I much rather prefer the dream sims," Rainbow said.

"Really?" Epcot blinked, smiling. "I'm surprised!"

"Why's that?"

"Cuz, for a mortal, I smell the dust of broken dimensions on you! It almost makes me sneeze! Heehee!"

Rainbow simply stared at her. "You've been in here too long."

"I have?"

Rainbow sighed, diving down—or at least what she thought was down. "Let's just get away from these waves..."

Epcot morphed into a geodesic sphere—"YES"—and swiftly followed.

I Need the Darkness

"So... every single one of these... err... 'sims' were built by the alicorns, huh?"

"YES."

"Using their hearts' or minds' desires to sculpt the places out of the dreamscape?"

"YES."

"But... none of them are around anymore."

"NO."

Rainbow Dash looked over her shoulder as she landed in the center of a floating palace's courtyard. "So, like, why did all of the alicorns decide to ditch the awesome stuff that they created?"

In a flicker of light, Epcot materialized, trotting alongside Rainbow. "It's like I said earlier. The dream became them!"

"Yeah, but why?"

"I would give anything to know." She paused, tapping her fuzzy gray chin. "Hmmmm... I sometimes speculate that they found a deeper pocket within the dreamscape to explore."

"Huh?"

"I'm theorizing a far more intricate level of consciousness." Epcot smiled aside at the pegasus. "Sometimes you have to descend to transcend. And—let's face it—if you're an immortal, what more could there be above?"

"So... you resort to exploring what's below?"

"Righto!" Epcot trotted ahead, humming to herself. "Hmmm-hmm-hmm... Tomorrow's childddd. Tomorrow's childddd. Charting a brand new waaaaaaay."

Rainbow Dash blinked, glancing to her left as they passed a cylindrical building with flashing lights that strobed through the crystalline windows. "Huh... what's happening in there?"

"For the Future World is bornnnnnn todaaaaaaaay."

"Hey. Egg Colt."

She looked over. "'Epcot.''" She giggled. "What is it?"

"You sure all the alicorns are gone?" Rainbow motioned towards the building and trotted for the entrance. "Cuz I think some sort of crazy party is happening in there. I hear music."

"Erm..." Epcot fidgeted. "You're not going to find any clients in there anymore."

"Huh? Clients?" Rainbow stuck her head in, then instantly jolted. "Gaaauckh!" She hopped out, kicking her hooves up and grimacing. "Yuck yuck yuckkk!" She winced at Epcot. "The heck kind of alicorns built that place?!"

"The same alicorns with natural urges who built any other place."

"But... but..." Rainbow tried to keep her lunch in. "Th-that place had furniture in it that... that..." Her muzzle twisted. "It'd be more appropriate to say that the chairs sat inside you! And the pictures on the wall... geeeugh!"

Epcot tilted her head to the side innocently. "Do mortals not have entertaiment centers like that in the real world?"

Rainbow frowned. "I know you've been stuck here in Cider Space for a few gazillion years, gal, but ponies from the real world are a bit more... more..." She shuddered all over. "Chaste than that." A gulp. "For real? What kind of immortals would make a brothel out of their dreamscape?"

"Heehee... for a pegasus who can fly, you really don't use your eyes much." Epcot smiled. "We flew past several hundred since you arrived here."

"For r-real?!"

Epcot gestured at the multiple buildings around her with flashing lights. "Where do you think we are right now?"

Rainbow blinked. Biting her lip, she flapped her wings so that she wouldn't be touching hooves with the ground anymore. "I just... I dunno." A shudder. "Princess Celestia and Luna have always struck me as super wise n'stuff. It seems crazy that any of their kind would be so... gross."

"If you had the opportunity to realize all of your dreams, what would hold you back from letting every single comprehension manifest itself?" Epcot winked. "Please don't be so swift to judge the alicorns who built this place. They're just as respectable as you. Only, in this place, they got to establish a new domain! A second life, so to speak!"

Rainbow stared at her. "Is that so?" She turned to look at us. "A Second Life." She turned back towards Epcot. "How fascinating."

"I gotta say, you don't seem too thrilled with this place." Epcot pouted. "Am I... am I-I being a bad chaperone?"

"No, Epcot, it's..." Rainbow sighed. "All of this stuff is nifty and all, but it's..."

"Not what you wanted?"

Rainbow squinted. "Do you really think I'm here to make my own home here in Cider Space?"

"Why else would you be here?"

"I've told you a billion times!" Rainbow's voice cracked as she flailed in midair. "I'm trying to find my friend Applejack! She's lost in here, abducted by a bunch of mortals who wanna do something really nasty to the souls in their captivity! My other friend—Stu—came in here shortly before me!"

"Hmmm..." Epcot fluffed her sparkling black mane. "I recall a ripple in the cider shortly before you came. But I never got to speak with whoever it was!" She glanced at Rainbow with bright, purple eyes. "I'm actually surprised I got a chance to speak with you! I mean, being a mortal—heehee—I figured you'd be too busy carving up your own niche within the dreamscape!"

"But I haven't—" Rainbow's muzzle hung agape as she blinked. "Do you have any idea why that is?"

"Well, maybe you just haven't concentrated yet!"

"On what?"

"Heehee! On your heart's desire, silly!"

Rainbow blinked. Slowly, her ears drooped as she glanced aside.

Epcot gazed at her sympathetically. "What's the matter?"

"There's only one thing in life that I desire," Rainbow muttered. "And... and I've known for a long time that I can never... h-have her."

"Ohhhh..." Epcot slowly shook her head. "Tsk tsk. That's not good. That's not good at all."

"Huh?" Rainbow looked up. "How do you mean?"

"Because I assume you wanna find your friend Applejack, right?"

"Abso-friggin'-lutely." Rainbow nodded. "And I've gotta save Stu and a handful of other mortals while I'm at it."

"They're likely locked away in their own sims. Or—if what you say about these meanie heads is true—they're locked away in somepony else's sims."

"Right. Okay. So how do I cross over and get to them?"

"Well, I'd tell you to use your imagination to sculp the dreamscape and make your own path!" Epcot said, gesturing at the kaleidoscopic atmosphere looming high above. "But, if you've blocked yourself from grasping what you want the most—"

"I haven't blocked myself!" Rainbow frowned. "I just... h-haven't found the right timing, is all."

Epcot giggled and giggled some more.

Rainbow glared at her. "What's so dang funny?"

Epcot smirked aside. "I just wonder how many alicorns thought the same thing, only to throw themselves in here and disappear in the wake of their lost chances."

"Well, I hate to break it to ya, but I'm not exactly thrilled to be here." Rainbow gestured wildly. "My home is back there! In the real world! In Equestria! Right now, time's of the essence! If I don't find Applejack and the others quickly enough, who knows what will happen!"

"Then we're going to have to get you to be a little bit selfish."

"Huh?"

Epcot smiled. "In this place, the dream may be your wind, but your desires have to be your sails."

Rainbow Dash shuddered. "But... but I can't just—"

"Hmmm?"

Rainbow gulped. "I can't just dream up her. Because I know it won't be real."

Epcot blinked. "Wowsers. You've really got it bad."

"Like I need a giggly phantom in a cheap uniform and name tag to tell me that," Rainbow muttered.

"But for realsies!" Epcot cocked her head to the side, squinting curiously. "I guess mortals are a lot more complex than I took them for! You have such limited lifespans, and yet such infinite scope. Why would you rob yourself of something that was right in front of you?"

"Maybe cuz that one thing... that one pony is too awesome to ever be bogged down with an undying crush—" Rainbow gnashed her teeth, clutched her head, and groaned. "No. Not here. You're not Lancie Mark Two. Just... j-just help me find another way to cross the dreamscapes and get to my friends, okay?" She sighed. "Can you do that for me?"

"Hmmm..." Epcot smiled. "If we can't get you to dream about something you desire now..." She paced around the mare, studying her like a tailor might size up a client's figure. "...then we're going to have to go backwards a bit in time."

"In what way?"

"By focusing on what you used to desire, ya silly filly!"

Rainbow twitched at that. "Buh?" FLASH! She glanced down, only to see her body clad all over in the black, blue, and gold streaks of a Wonderbolt uniform. "Uhhhh..." Her jaw hung agape as her heart beat through her chest.

"Way to go, Rookie!"

Rainbow glanced aside, her pupils shrinking beneath her mask.

Spitfire, Soarin', and Fleetwood lifted their goggles in time to wink at her simultaneously in mid-flight. "Keep this up, and you're gonna make us look like retirees!"

"YAAAAAAAAAY! RAINBOW DASH! RAINBOW DASH!"

Rainbow looked down to see a ginormous stadium full of cheering equines, all flashing letters and signs with her name and face. Fireworks exploded, forming the shapes of her cutie mark and profile.

The mare gulped. "Oboy," she squeaked in a girlish tone.

Somepony Please Cut the Lights

Fwooosh! Rainbow dove and landed in soft grass. All around her, an enormous stadium exploded with cheering ponies and raving fans.

Fidgeting in her Wonderbolts suit, she looked up, her jaw dropping agape. "No friggin' way..."

The north end of the stadium was consumed by a ten-story building labeled "THE RAINBOW DASH MUSEUM OF AWESOMENESS!" Through several glass windows, Rainbow could see countless exhibits. Blue, feathery statues of herself could be spotted in multiple poses, excelling at every sport and physical exercise imaginable. Banners with her grinning face hung along the concrete lengths of the stadium, and more fireworks exploded overhead, broadcasting a incographic lightning bolt to the heavens.

"I ate waaaaaaaay too much pizza when I was a teenager," Rainbow muttered, trotting backwards. She bumped into Spitfire, Soarin', and Fleetfoot as the three Wonderbolts landed behind her. "Gaaah!"

"What's the matter, champ?" Spitfire raised her goggles again, squinting. "Don't tell me you're throwing the race!"

"The... race...?" Rainbow stammered.

"I know you're rookie of the year and all, but don't let it get to your head!" Fleetwood huffed, smirking wryly. "Unless you're thinking up a brand new trick to wow us!"

"Yeah!" Soarin' grinned. "That Inverted Hyper Rainboom rocked the socks off the Cloudsalian Flight League!"

"I..." Rainbow leaned back, jaw dropped. "I-I've impressed the Cloudsdalian Flight League?!" She blinked, seethed, then shook her head. "No... No!"

"Pffft... what do you mean?" Spitfire folded her forelimbs with an indignant frown. "I was there, rookie. I saw my legacy go up in flames, drowned in your sheer badflankery."

"I choked on a pie!" Soarin' squee'd.

"No, I mean none of this is real!" Rainbow growled, tilting her head up. "Epcotttt! Dang it, Epcot, stop sassing me!"

With a flash of light, a geodesic sphere landed in the form of a giggling mare. "I don't get it! This is one of the freshest things I could dig up!"

"But it's no more real than... than..." Rainbow grimaced. "...those creepy sex dungeons that the ancient alicorns built!"

"But it's so squeaky-clean and innocent, though!" Epcot batted her lashes. "I thought it would blend well with your mortal pony pony pony mentality!" She turned to look at Soarin'. "Heeheeheee!" She pointed at the stallion. "I really like his name!"

"It's not real." Rainbow frowned. "Awesome or not, it's not gonna get me any closer to Applejack."

"Hmmmm..." Epcot leaned back, tapping her chin in thought. "Well, then we're not gonna make any progress at all." She spoke above the sound of cheering ponies. "Tell me. What's it gonna take to get you to relax?"

"Relax?" Rainbow grumbled, fussing as she peeled her body out of the spandex suit. "I don't think that's gonna happen at this point."

A pair of silk-soft hooves dripped in, clutching the loose suit in Rainbow's stead. "Maybe if you let us do the work for you."

"Huh?" Rainbow tilted her head about. Her eyes twitched. "Duaaaaaah—"

"Shhhhhhh..." Aloe rested a hoof over Rainbow's muzzle while her sister, Lotus, went around to the pegasus' back and stripped the rest of the suit off her. "Just rest easy." The two sultry mares lowered Rainbow to a soft couch in the middle of a fragrant lounge surrounded in silk draperies and incense. "We're going to make you feel really, really clean."

The other mare giggled. "Even if we have to get you really dirty first!"

"But... but..." Rainbow squeaked, trembling as she felt them circling closer and closer with brushes and files. "I-I don't like other ponies t-touching my hooves!"

"Really?" Epcot spoke from the nearest couch. The mare laid back with her sparkling black mane in a wet towell. "Then how come your head went to this same place a buncha times?"

"It did not!" Rainbow snapped. "I hate going to get a ponicure! All my friends know this!"

"Really?" Epcot's violet eyes blinked. "Cuz, from what I can tell..." She squinted at Rainbow's skull. "...a few years back, your psyche had at least two hundred and two consecutive mental fantasies about this place every evening."

"Yeah?! So?! Who are you now, the thought poli—?!" Rainbow stopped as soon as she felt Aloe rubbing a soft felt brush against the backside of her fetlock. "OoOoOoOooh..." the pegasus cooed.

"That's ittttt..." Lotus leaned in, nuzzling the mare's neck. "Happy thoughtsssssss..."

"Heee..." Rainbow's eyes fluttered, but she jerked with a frown. "No. No!" Growling, she shoved both mares away. "I hate this fantasy! All it does is... is... gnnngh..." She sat up on the couch, struggling to coil her outstretched wings back. Finally, she succeeded with a snap and sighed. "...it just reminds me how lame my hooves are in real life. Total downer, y'know?"

"Awwwww..." Epcot folded her forelimbs, pouting. "You are honestly the worst mortal to get a gift for!"

"So sue me," Rainbow grumbled. "I can fantasize for myself on my own time." She sighed as the spa around her dissolved. "There's only one pony I want to feel happy and secure."

"Hmmmm..." Epcot tapped her smiling muzzle with a knowing squint. "Was that always the way things were?"

"What are you getting at?"

"That, quite simply, I've been going at this the wrong way," Epcot said. "Heehee! What we really need to do is take you back someplace innocent... someplace both happy and pure."

"Trust me," Rainbow muttered. "It's not worth your time—" Her voice cracked. "Uhhh..." Her voice cracked again, and she started to realize just how high-pitched her breaths were. "The hay?" She looked down at her tiny-tiny body and stubby wings. "I'm a foal? But... huh?"

A voice sobbed along the breezy Cloudsdalian winds.

Rainbow looked across the misty bed. "Gaah!" the little filly gasped as a soft-soft body threw herself into her strong blue forelimbs. "What the...?" Rainbow's jaw dropped. "Fluttershy?"

Sniffling, the dainty filly looked up with sad, aquamarine eyes. "I... I just couldn't do it, Rainbow. I couldn't..."

"Couldn't..." Rainbow gulped, her voice cracking for the umpteenth time. "...couldn't do what?"

"Fl-fly..." Fluttershy sniffled, clenching her moist eyes shut. "Everypony kept laughing at me! But you never do..." She leaned in, nuzzling Rainbow's strong, athletic chest. "You're always so good to me..."

Rainbow's tiny ears folded back. She gulped. "Ah jeez..."

Deep Blue

"I just want to be here w-with you," Fluttershy said, quivering in Rainbow's embrace. "You always make me feel safe... confident..."

"Fluttershy..." Rainbow Dash sat on the cloud, holding the trembling filly with her foalish limbs. "You don't need me to be awesome! We've been over this!" Her high pitched voice squeaked out of a tender smile. "You've been to the ground before and talked to animals! How many of us can say they've done that? That's pretty killer cool on its own, don'tcha think?"

"But what use is it if I can't fly and all the other ponies laugh at me?" Fluttershy sniffled, looking up with teary eyes over a melancholic smile. "I love it when you're around, Rainbow. You're so... kind... even if you don't always show it. I wish my family were the same way. Even still, I can sleep well at night, knowing that somepony in this world is nice to me. And so adorable too."

Rainbow bit her lip. Her heart pounded in her chest. Shuddering, she gazed aside. "Cut it out... please..."

"But... but Rainbow," Fluttershy mewled.

"Not you!" Rainbow snapped, then instantly winced upon feeling the pained flinch in Fluttershy's dainty figure. She couldn't help but caress the filly's chin, and she felt a lump forming in her throat when the tiny pegasus nuzzled her forelimb. "Really, Epcot. This... this is too close to home..."

Fwoof! A happy face poked up through the cloud bed. "And just why is that?"

"She... she could never be mine," Rainbow Dash muttered, trying to wrench her eyes from Fluttershy's foalish face—and failing. "And I spent so much of my foalhood believing in something that could never be."

"But it's still there, isn't it?" Epcot tilted her head aside. "You mustn't deny it."

"She's my friend!" Rainbow bit her lip as her eyes grew misty. "Nothing more..."

"No love whatsoever?"

Rainbow opened her mouth... but hesitated. She grimaced. "I'm... I'm so damn selfish..."

"Oh r-really now?" Epcot said, stifling a giggle. "What makes you think that?"

Rainbow sighed, caressing Fluttershy's innocent face like a mirage through a veil. "Because I wanted more than what she was willing to give me... something deeper. And for years afterwards, I grew distant. I punished her for something I was totally guilty for. It wasn't her fault that I... that I have this thing I've never been able to conquer, despite how awesome and cool I am on the outside." She shuddered. "On the inside, I'm just as weak as Fluttershy, if not weaker. She's the strong one. And... I'll never stop feeling bad."

"Because you loved her deeply for so long?" Epcot said.

"Love should be a two-way thing." Rainbow gazed aside, her ears drooping as the clouds grew dark around her. "But it rarely friggin' is. Most of the time... it's just somepony weighing another down, or somepony not deserving to receive it."

"And just what do you deserve, Rainbow Dash?"

"I..." Rainbow shook and shuddered, her tiny breaths forming vapors in the cold atmosphere. "I-I..."

Epcot drifted closer, blinking curiously. "What would in life would make you feel less selfish?"

Rainbow bit her lip as the first of many tears trickled loose. "To g-give," she murmured. "Loyally and continuously..." A sniffle, and she raised her hoof from Fluttershy's face to wipe her muzzle. "Like Fluttershy was always willing to give to me as a friend." She heaved as her voice cracked. "Like... like the love my dad gave... every d-dang day... until that very same love t-took him from me..."

Epcot smiled. "Your life is a truly amazing adventure, Rainbow Dash," she said. "One that is sculpted by heroes to make a hero." She cocked her head aside. "But do you need to be an unsung one?"

"I dunno..." Rainbow wiped her cheek. "... maybe. So long as my friends... as everypony that I've ever loved is just as well off as I've been... thanks to th-them..."

"And what if I told you that they were, Rainbow?" Epcot said. "Would you believe that?"

Rainbow bit her lip.

"You wouldn't?" Epcot asked.

"If I did... I might risk getting... lazy."

Epcot leaned in and nuzzled the mare. She stepped back, disappearing admist the clouds. "Give in..." she said. "Allow your friends in here to do the rest."

Rainbow choked on a sob, steeling herself. She leaned forward, melting the world around her as she kissed Fluttershy's forehead, then rubbed cheek-to-cheek. She murmured into the dainty pegasus' ear. "I will always love you, girl, and I owe you big time. But I gotta move on. Not because this p-pains me..." She nevertheless sniffled. "...but I know where my place is, and it isn't here. You weren't the only one who fell from a great height."

Fluttershy gazed back at her. She was saying something, but Rainbow couldn't hear it from the sound of mighty thunder shattering the heavens.

The pegasus leaned back, her breath coming out in an adult gasp. The mists of Cloudsdale had faded, and instead she was rocketing through a series of nebulous dreamscapes.

"Is this it, Epcot?!" she hollered into the maelstrom as her body split in seven prismatic shadows against the rippling madness. "Am I piercing through?!"

A sphere floated at her side, twirling. "YES!"

Rainbow shuddered, glancing beyond her peripheral vision as translucent walls of glittering thought began collapsing, one sheet at a time. "It's collapsing! Could it be Serenity or her sons?!"

"NO!"

Rainbow gritted her teeth. "I'm losing focus, aren't I?"

"YES!"

Rainbow frowned. Rainbow glared. She spread her wings to the multiple bending horizons and shouted into the subconscious abyss. "I love you!"

Thunder. Noise.

"I love you, Applejack!" Rainbow bellowed, her body splitting at the seams as she sailed towards a snow-white sliver of light. "I love you so damn much! And if Celestia is my witness, you're going to be..." Her eyes opened wide. A few tears evaporated, and she smiled devilishly against the chaos. "...one day I am going to be your filly!""

At last, she broke through, shattering ice and snow in every direction. Rainbow gasped, sputtered, treading water at the top of a frozen lake. For the first time since arriving there, she felt stabs of pain, and it drew the breath out of her.

Epcot's sphere flitted ahead of her, shining like a beacon.

Rainbow followed it, climbing out of the drink and pulling herself onto a snow-covered lawn. There, she collapsed in the powdery mush, shivering all over.

The sphere lowered closer, glowing brighter as if attempting to warm the pegasus.

Instead, Rainbow lifted her face, scowling. She fought the tremors and muttered: "Freckles."

In a bright poof, a campfire appeared before her, blazing and lit. It instantly warmed the soaking-wet mare, and she shuffled forward, shivering less and less.

"Drawl..."

A mug of warm, steaming cider appeared in her grasp. She cradled it in two blue hooves, raising the delicious quaff to her muzzle. Her insides caught aflame, and she shut her eyes, breathing calmly and meditatively. A gentle smile crossed her features, and her wingtips fluttered in delight at the cold kiss of the playful snowflakes descending all around her.

At last, she opened her eyes, staring ahead. "Okay... just where in the heck am I?"

A two-story wooden farmhouse lingered in the middle of a pasture, covered in snow. A chimney billowed gentle gray smoke, and Rainbow could see a hint of flickering amber light through the frost-stained windows.

"Sweet Apple Acres?" Rainbow squinted, shaking her head. "No... I couldn't be. But... where...?"

Epcot's sphere shot past her.

Rainbow's head traced it.

The sphere rotated around a mailbox. On its side, Rainbow spotted the illustration of several green leaves.

The pegasus blinked. Her eyes narrowed. "Stu..."

Stu Leaves: Generations

Rainbow Dash trotted onto the porch, her wings shaking the falling flakes of snow off her. The wooden boards creaked under her shuffling hooves as she passed one foggy window after another. Peering in, she saw more and more hints of warm, flickering light. Candles adorned a table while something glowed warm and bright from the living room.

"Just what... is he doing in there?" She squinted, then blinked aside at the geodesic sphere. "Then again, if this is his sim, then he could be doing just about anything."

"YES."

"Sprouting twenty more legs... bench-pressing an elephant... or maybe... or maybe even..." Rainbow Dash grimaced at the thought. Her eyes flashed to the front door and she gently grasped the handle with her hoof.

The thing opened with a click. Rainbow felt a warm current of air billowing out, soothing her frozen coat.

She stepped inside, sniffing the air of the humble abode.

"Doesn't smell like Sweet Apple Acres," Rainbow Dash murmured aloud while the sphere floated inside after her. She shut the door with a blank expression. "Of course, I know that. But does Stu—?"

"Momma! Momma!" Rainbow heard half-a-dozen scampering hooves. A bunch of colorful, blurred figures galloped in from the living room. "She's home! Poppa! Momma's home!"

Rainbow gasped as the first of many colts and fillies tackled her by her legs. "Whoah whoah whoah! Take it easy! This isn't even the forty yard line!"

Upon hearing her cracking voice, the oldest of the foals looked up. She was a scampy little thing, barely eight year old, with gray freckles and zero cutie marks. "You're not Momma!" the filly pouted.

"Erm... I would say not." Rainbow smiled awkwardly. "I'd sooner pass a kidney stone the size of a pineapple than foal a baby. Sorry, kid."

"It's okay." The filly suddenly beamed. "Did you bring a present for Momma?!"

"A... present...?"

"She should be home anytime now!" The kid pranced back into the living room, followed by its waddling little siblings. "We gotta make sure everything's perfect for her!"

"Uhhh..." Rainbow blinked. Eyes narrow, she nervously trotted through the hallway. She spotted glistening glass frames to her left. She pivoted her gaze, spotting hanging photographs of a family of humble farmers. Stu Leaves smiled proudly in every one of them, his forelimbs embracing the little children who slowly grew older, frame by frame. There was a mare sitting in the photos with him, but as hard as Rainbow struggled to see—she could not make out the pony's face. "...Applejack? But... but I can't even tell if—"

She heard the children arguing from the next room.

"Stoppp! Stop it!"

"But things have gotta be perfect for Momma!"

"You're gonna mess it up!"

"No I'm not! This is how Poppa had it all laid out!"

"Pfft! Poppa's clumsy! Momma says it all the time!"

"So? Doesn't make you the present pony expert!"

"Says you!"

Rainbow Dash entered the room, and she had to squint momentarily. A fully-ornamented Hearth's Warming Tree stood, blinking brightly in hundreds of places. Shiny tinsel and decorations hung from its dull green branches. To the right, a blazing fire roared in its hearth, warming the whole room while the foals danced and played.

"I... know I haven't been in Cider Space for long, Epcot," Rainbow muttered. "Please tell me it's not really Hearth's Warming."

"NO."

"Whew..." Rainbow exhaled, her eyebrows narrow. "Seems like Stu's got a thing for Prance Capra."

"YES."

"Still, where the hay is he?" Rainbow looked all around. "Hrmmm... You don't suppose he went the way of the alicorns too, do ya?"

"NO."

"Then I gotta pull him out of the woodwork somehow..."

Rainbow felt a tug on her tail.

She looked down to see a tiny-tiny little colt, clutching a warm blanket as he stared up at her bashfully. "Did you bring a present for Momma?"

"I... I'm sorry..." Rainbow slowly shook her head. "...I was just... visiting, I guess." She put on her best smile. "Though I'd totally like to meet Momma." She fidgeted. "Poppa too."

Another filly trotted up, dragging a long, red sock. "Would you help us hang the stockings, huh? With your wings, you should be able to reach!"

"Pffft. And a half!" Rainbow smirked, grabbed the stocking, and floated up to the edge of the hearth. "How about here?"

"Nuuuu!" The foals all chanted. "A little bit to the left!"

Rainbow side-glided. "Here?"

"Nuuuu! Too far! Put it next to Poppa's!"

Rainbow hovered into the center where a gray stocking already hung. "Uhhhh... here?"

"Yes! Yes! Perfect! Heeheehee!"

"Well, if you guys aren't creepily happy." Rainbow strung the end of the stocking around a nail. "Certainly reminds me of a... stallion... I know..." Her ruby eyes settled on a picture frame.

It featured two ponies at a wedding ceremony. However, because of lense flare, Rainbow couldn't spot the face of the bride whom Stu was kissing. Still, she did recognize the darkly-suited pony with a rainbow mane off to the side.

"Whoah..." Rainbow blinked. "I'm the best mare. Heh..." She couldn't help but smirk. "That's cute, Stu. I'm still going to totally murder you for it, but it's still cute... stupid cute."

Just then, she felt a brief gust of bitterly cold air, accompanied by a creaking doorframe.

"Whew! That blizzard's a killer! Hiya, kids!"

"Poppa! Poppa!" The six foals pitter-patter'd to the kitchen, where Stu Leaves had just emerged, carrying logs of firewood across his exposed wings. Clumps of snow dotted his coated figure as he knelt down to nuzzle the children. "You made it just in time!"

"Did I?!" Stu smiled wide. "Is Momma home yet?"

"Nooooo," the foals all pouted. "But we have a visitor! She's waiting for Momma too!"

Stu looked up. He grinned. "Rainbow Dash... as I live and bray!" He chuckled at himself. "Ohhhh... I swear, I was born to make dad jokes." He winked. "Happy Heart's Warming, girl! What brings you here this hour?"

"Stu... finally." Rainbow Dash wheezed, smiling weakly. "About dang time! Look, dude, I've come a long way through Cider Space to find you. Applejack isn't here. I think she might be in another sim, or else imprisoned by Shindig. If you help me, then we both might be able to—"

"What are you waiting for? Lend me a hoof, Miss Loyalty!" Stu chuckled, trotting straight past her as he began stacking firewood beside the hearth. "This flame won't feed itself, y'know!"

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash blinked as the sphere floated around her head. "This is gonna be a real headache, isn't it?"

"YES."

At Least It's Not Called the "Neighxus"

"Stu."

"I'm lucky I found this one small sapling beneath a few towering oaks!" Stu said, shoving several logs into the fireplace and causing the blaze to intensify. "The wood wasn't too saturated by the snow! It was still dry! Whew!" He leaned back, brushing his hooves off. "This should last us the night! Or at least until Momma gets home! Right, kids?"

"Stu—" Rainbow's voice was cut off by the six cheering foals. She winced and hovered backwards to avoid their galloping little figures. "Stu, you gotta wake up from this and help me, okay—?"

"Mmmmmmmm!" Stu Leaves placed the fire guard in front of the hearth and stood up, smiling at the colts and fillies. "Is that apple fritters I smell? Your Momma's gonna love them! This is sure to be the best Hearth's Warming ever!"

"Poppa, just where is Momma at this hour?"

"Well, your mother's a very busy pony, Jubilee," Stu said, leaning down to nuzzle the filly in question. "But if it weren't for her, none of you would be here. And where would Pappa's happy family be, huh?"

"Ewwww... Poppa, you're getting all mushy again!"

"Hehehe... well maybe I can't help it." He nuzzled the other children, then smiled. "Who loves you the most?"

"You do, Poppa!"

He winked. "And who loves you the most-most?"

"Heehee! Momma does!"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaand..." He scooped them all up with his gray wings and hugged the six tiny ponies close. "Who loves you the most-most-most-most-most?" He tickled them with his feathers.

They all giggled with high-pitched squeals, playfully bucking his chest and shoulders with their hooves. "You both dooooo! Heeheehee!"

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash hovered at a distance, blinking at the scene. She tried opening her mouth again, but all that came out was a wince.

"Now... did any of you open your presents yet?" He stood up, glaring at the kids with a wry smirk. "Hmmm?"

"Nuh uh! We wouldn't do that to you and Momma!"

"Heh... are you being honest?" Stu chuckled. "You might be able to fool your old stallion, but not Momma when she comes home!"

"Nope! We wouldn't lie to Momma!"

"Darn tootin'. We raised you proper—all on account of her honesty." Stu stood up, cracking his cold joints. "Whew! I don't know what wore me out more! Chopping firewood or hugging you six!"

They giggled in cadence.

"Well, I'd better make sure the Apple Fritters don't get burned! They've been in the oven for a long time!" Stu turned around and trotted past Rainbow. "Excuse me! Heheh! Try not to bump into any of the family photos there, Rainbow!"

Rainbow pivoted about, watching him trot into the kitchen. In a flash of light, the geodesic sphere materialized into a grinning mare behind her. "I like him! He's cheerful!"

"... ... ..."

"Is something the matter, Rainbow?"

"He's happy here," Rainbow said. "Like... even for Stu."

"Well, of course, silly!" Epcot giggle-snorted. "This sim is tailor-made to his deep, inner desires!"

"I'm just... a bit surprised that it worked so well on him when it didn't on me."

"No two ponies are alike, and you are quite a curious mortal."

Rainbow turned towards the family photos. In each of them, the "Momma" in question still had indistinguishable features. "Or... maybe this place isn't all it's cracked up to be."

"How do you mean?"

Rainbow hovered by more and more portraits, all with the mare's face hidden. "It's no small secret who 'Momma' is. I'm just surprised that Applejack isn't here. Not even a pretend one." She bit her lip. "Unless..."

"Unless what?"

"This isn't a dream-come-true at all," Rainbow said. "It's a prison."

Epcot glanced into the room where giggling little foals chased each other around a Hearth's Warming Tree. "It's a pretty nifty prison if you ask me!"

"No, don't you get it?" Rainbow shuddered, thinking aloud as she gazed out a snowy window. "Only reason we were ever able to enter this place was because Shindig and her sons had set it up with the goblet. But... there was something Silver Shill said... about how Shindig's 'sphere' was only able to handle the four 'guests' that she and her sons wrangled into coming to her farm. I'm willing to bet that they constructed 'sims' for Applejack and the other three. But Stu and I? We're unwanted guests. They couldn't build something for us, so whatever we've got forming here has gotta be..." She swiveled about. "...unstable."

Epcot glanced at the family portraits. "It certainly doesn't look very... complete."

"I think Stu and I have something in common, Epcot."

"What's that?"

"We both know what we want." Rainbow bit her lip, but forced herself to say, "And yet, in our heart of hearts... we both know that we can't really have it." She gulped. "Me? I've known this for a long time. But Stu?" She slowly shook her head. "He's just now starting to figure it out, but only 'cuz he and I had a deep talk about it... in the real world."

"Whew! Philosophy sure has changed since the alicorns made friends with Starswirl!" Epcot said with a smile.

"No. No, it's..." Rainbow sighed. "A lot more complicated than that."

"Hehe! You're telling me!"

"Epcot, how... h-how can I wake Stu up from this... this half-dream?"

"I'm afraid I can't help you there."

Rainbow blinked at her. "You can't?"

"I'm just an experimental pony chaperone." Epcot smiled sweetly. "If Stu wanted me to wake him up, he'd have to ask me personally. Or... he'd need help from another dreamer."

Rainbow's eyes narrowed. "You mean me?"

"Who else?"

Rainbow bit her lip.

"What's the matter?"

"Take it from a pony who knows all about it..." Rainbow shuddered. "...wrecking one's dreams isn't entirely fun."

"Do you wanna get your friends out of here or don't you?"

Rainbow took a long breath, shutting her eyes. She lingered there in thought...

Fissures

Using a mouth protector, Stu pulled a piping hot tray of fritters out of the stove. He laid it out on a counter inside the house's ornate kitchen. "Ahhh..." He backtrotted, relishing the scent of the baked pastries. "Her recipes never fail."

He turned about, catching a blue face lingering in the kitchen doorframe.

"Rainbow!" He chuckled merrily as he trotted over to the pantry. "Go on and take a sample! But be careful! It's hot! Heheh..."

Rainbow took a deep breath. "Someone gave you the recipe to bake those, huh?"

"Yup! One and no other!"

"Is she... the one you're waiting to show up anytime now?"

"Well, she is a busy mare," Stu said, pulling out several plates and stacking them atop the counter. "Punctual when she needs to be, of course. But I-I've never been all too good at predicting when and where she shows up. She's a stubborn one, but I love her for it."

"Don't you think it's kind of weird that she's making you and the whole family wait this long on Hearth's Warming Day?"

"She's probably out helping a fellow neighbor with their woodcutting," Stu said. "I'd help too, but... eheh... somepony's gotta look out for the kids!"

"Stu..." Rainbow hovered into the room, wings flapping. "...do you remember a time when it wasn't Hearth's Warming?"

"Pfft! It can't be Hearth's Warming everyday Rainbow Dash!"

"Really?" Rainbow leaned her head to the side. "Then what were you doing yesterday?"

"Hah! What, did she send you to grill me?" Stu smirked at the pegasus. "She's got her own honesty radar. She doesn't need to send her friends in and interrogate."

"Think, Stu," Rainbow said in a dull tone. "What were you doing yesterday? Just before you showed up here?"

"Pffft. Well, duh! It was Hearth's Warming Eve!"

"Yeah, and?"

"And..." Stu's smile wavered for the first time since Rainbow showed up. His eyes dulled for a brief moment, then resumed reflecting the dazzling lights from the adjacent room. "And... I-I was doing what everypony else does on Hearth's Warming Eve."

"Could you be specific?"

"No... uh... I-I can't..." Stu cleared his throat, using a spatula to scoop the fritters up and place them onto the plate. "And, to be quite honest, I don't have the time."

"Why not?"

"Because she'll be back anytime soo—"

"Does she have a name?"

"Huh?"

Rainbow glared. "Does she have a name, Stu?"

"Who... my wife?" Stu smirked. He swung his flank into the counter and slid the plate onto his backside with his tail. "Why all the questions, Rainbow? I mean, you were there!" He chuckled as he carried the fritters out into the main hallway. "You were the best mare, after all!"

Rainbow fwooshed into the corridor, floating backwards in front of the blinking stallion. "I know. I saw the photos. But you know what else I saw?"

"Pfft. What?"

"... ... ..." Rainbow's eyes narrowed. "None of the photos with her have a face."

"Oh please... you've got to be..." Stu winced slightly, the platter rattling on his back. He cleared his throat and made to move past Rainbow. "If you'll... uh... excuse me. The foals' stomachs must be growling—"

Rainbow planted her hooves against the wall, blocking his path. "You know what happens in a dream, Stu? Twilight once told me. You can never read or write anything, because the logic centers of your brain aren't working with your imagination."

"And just what does that have to do with anyth—?"

"Tell me, is it logical for your spouse to be away for this long on Hearth's Warming?"

"I'm... waiting for her..." Stu gulped, his ears folding back. "All of the children... are..."

"Or maybe your mind knows that this is a dream..." Rainbow's brow furrowed. "And that none of this can make sense—because it hasn't happened?"

"Rainbow, please, I—"

"You're in a dream, Stu..."

"I... I-I just want to be there with my f-foals when she returns—"

"Say her name."

"Please, if you would just—"

"Say her name, Stu." Rainbow gritted her teeth. "If you won't, then I will!"

"I love her!" Stu barked, his body trembling. His next voice came out in a pitiful squeak, "And... and sh-she loves our family!"

"Only, there is no family!" Rainbow retorted. "And there is no Applejack! Not here!"

Stu's pupils shrunk. He trotted backwards, trembling. "Apple... jack...?" He tilted his face around to look at the family portraits. "She... she needs our..." One by one, each glass frame cracked, the fractures forming along the blank faces of the same mare in every image.

Then—with a roll of thunder—a savage fissure formed across the foundation of the house. Snow and ice filtered in, chilling everypony to the bone.

"Oh Celestia..." A tear rolled down Stu's cheek. He dropped the platter of fritters to the floor with a loud noise. "Oh Celestia, please no..."

Rainbow Dash gulped and reached a hoof down. "Now... easy, Stu—"

"Pappa?" a voice cried out in fright from the next room.

"Kids...?" Stu stammered, his eyes glossy. "Kids?! Hold on!" He galloped off before Rainbow could stop him.

Momentarily Forgetting

"Jubilee! Buster! Merigold!" Stu Leaves bounded down the hallway, nearly tripping as fresh cracks and fissures formed beneath him. All around, the house was collapsing, shattering at its foundations. The breathless stallion slid to a stop before the frame that led into the living room. His tearing eyes twitched. "Celestia..."

The six foals were huddled in the corner besides the Hearth's Warming Tree. They clung to each other—trembling—as the entire room and its furniture and decorations teetered upon a great white abyss of bright light. Upon seeing their "Pappa," they all shrieked, calling out to him.

Stu fumbled to take a step forward. The floorboard right in front of him split in two, forming a shattered ravine of glowing light between himself and the foals.

"Pappa! Pappa!"

"Pappa, we're scared!"

"Please, Pappa! Save us!"

Stu gritted his teeth. He spread his wings to scale the fissure—

"Stu!" Rainbow soared down the hallway and came to a stop behind him. "Stu, please! You can't!"

"They... th-they need me..." Stu fought back a sob, his feathers fluttering. "And I need them—"

"They're not real, Stu!" Rainbow shouted. "Applejack is! Someday, I'm sure you'll have a super awesome family! But all of this? It's fake! Do you want to live a fake life?!"

"I..." Stu sniffled as tears ran down his cheeks. "I-I..."

The living room lurched, pulling further away.

The sobbing foals reached out for him. "Pappa! We love you! Please...!"

Stu gnashed his teeth. At last, he coiled his wings to his side. "I-I love you too..." He clenched his eyes shut and forced himself to look away. "...but Applejack needs us..."

Crkkkkk!

The house split in two. The living room crumbled away, dissolving into the blinding whiteness with the imploding shrieks of young children. As the debris shattered all around them, Stu fell to his haunches, clutching his head and screaming.

Rainbow Dash winced. She reached out for the closest thing, and a geodesic sphere flew up against her, steadying her. Clinging to Epcot, she watched in numb shock as the sim dissolved completely. The cabin, the farmland, the snow—it all dissipated, giving way to a wide green plane of dormant stone. The undulating orange sky of Cider Space loomed above, and in the distance Rainbow could spot floating palaces and mountains.

All was silent, save for the quiet sniffles and whimpers of the collapsed stallion before her. Nervously, Rainbow trotted forward and rested a hoof on his shoulder. "Look, Stu—"

"Stay away from me!" the stallion roared, teeth gnashing. Almost as quickly, however, his ears folded back and he shuddered. The pony raised his head with a tear-stained expression. "I... I-I'm sorry, Rainbow. I... I'm s-so sorry..." He hugged himself, clutching his eyes shut again. "Do... d-do you know what it's like to be poked fun at and ridiculed all your l-life? To be t-told by everypony that you're stupid and you c-can't amount to anything?" He rubbed his cheeks and shuddered. "In there... I was loved. I was depended on. I had a family... and I could shape their lives for the better..." He gulped. "Silver Shill was right. This place would have consumed me from the inside out."

Rainbow nodded. "What matters is that you broke through. I... I can't imagine how much that must have sucked for you, but you did the right thing. Only a stupid stallion would have stayed in place, clinging to a mare..." She bit her lip, gazing aside. "...clinging to a mare who would never come."

"Please forgive me, Rainbow..." Stu whimpered. "I should never have dove into this place on my own."

Rainbow frowned, then stood up straight. "No." She raised Stu up to his hooves.

He glanced at her, blinking curiously.

"I'm sorry," Rainbow said. "I should have listened to you from the get-go. I should have brought the two of us in here together to save Applejack."

"But..." Stu shuddered. "But look what's happened—"

"I don't care. Applejack's in here, and it's up to us to get her. You did the right thing, and... and thank you, Stu." She smiled weakly. "Thank you for giving me the kick in the rear that I needed." She turned and gazed at the epic, undulating sky. "For a moment there, I had forgotten what it means to be awesome." She clenched her jaw. "Well, never again." She spread her wings, giving Stu a sideways glance. "Ready to fly?"

Stu fidgeted. "Uhm... fl-fly where?"

"We'll find out." She smiled. "Together."

Everything You Dream Matters

"I know this place looks freaky, but—believe me—you can totally fly through it." Rainbow approached the edge of the immense green plateau, stretching her wings. "Just think of it as a really thick thundercloud only without the rain. Up and down really don't have any rules, so... it's best to make your own on the fly. Ya feel me?"

"Yes... I..." Stu stumbled after her, shuddering. He gulped and stammered, "I f-feel you, Rainbow Dash..."

Rainbow looked over her shoulder. "Stu? You okay to go?"

"I... uh..." He clenched his eyes shut, hissing through his teeth. "Just give me a minute..."

Rainbow fidgeted before the shivering stallion. "I could... uhm... go and fly ahead, y'know. Scout out? Let you catch your bearings—"

"No. We... we shouldn't split up again," Stu said, his voice wavering. "I shouldn't—... I don't want to be alone anymore. Not if I could risk falling back into that... that..." He choked on a sob, running a hoof over his face. "I-I'm sorry, Rainbow. Just... they were calling out for me and... and I just let them vanish."

"Stu..." Rainbow turned to face him. "They weren't real."

"I kn-know! But... but the way I feel... the way I remember them..." Stu shook, quivered. "Maybe I was only in there for minutes, but it felt like years. Rainbow. The recollections. The memories." He sniffled. "The scent of their manes as I... as I h-hugged them..."

Rainbow swallowed. "And how about their mothers? Did you remember her?"

Stu's moist eyes fluttered open. He tilted his head up to gawk at her. "I... I keep drawing a blank. And... and those pictures..."

"She was faceless..."

"Was it even AJ?"

"You asking me, Stu?" Rainbow said with a shrug.

The stallion blinked, then gazed off into the distance. "I... I wanted it to be her." He bit his lip. "But... not as much as I wanted it to be anypony. Just to feel like I belonged to someone and someone belonged to me. We had... such b-beautiful children together..." Stu ran a hoof through his mane. "...all those years, gone. Like they never existed."

"Stu... buddy..." Rainbow squatted low so she was face to face with him. "I can't pretend to imagine how terribly cruddy this all is for you. But we need to work together if we're going to find AJ."

"Rainbow, how could..." Stu shuddered. "How are you so nonchalant and cool all the time?"

"It's like I said, pal. I'm awesome. I just briefly forgot for a mom—"

"But even in here?" Stu blinked. "How'd you break out of your own dream?"

"I... uh..." Rainbow squirmed. "I didn't have one."

Stu cocked his head to the side. "You weren't stuck in a dream like me?"

"Nope. Can't say that I was."

"But... but..." Stu grimaced. "Why is that? What Silver Shill said..." Stu shook his head in disbelief. "I figured you would have been ensnared just like I was."

"Well, I wasn't, okay?" Rainbow said. "Now... we really really gotta find AJ."

"Just... how is it you're not affected like I am?"

"I think for the same reason you could never dream up AJ's face in your little world, Stu," Rainbow muttered. "A large part of me knows that none of this is real."

Stu was silent.

"I'd love to give you more time, buddy, but I don't think AJ has any time to spare."

"I know... it's just that..." A tear ran down his face as he shook in place. "Even though none of it was real, I feel so terrible..." He exhaled heavily. "...and so alone."

"I'm here for you, dude." Rainbow managed a weak smile. "Really, it's going to be okay."

"I... I wish I could believe that, Rainbow. But... but..."

Suddenly, with a flash of light, a geodesic sphere landed in front of Stu, materializing into a smiling mane with shimmering black hair.

Stu simply gawked at her.

Epcot leaned forward, staring Stu in the face. She squinted—as if searching for something—then grasped his hooves in her own, giving his fetlocks a gentle stroke. "Such a kind, fun-loving heart." She giggled. "You'd make an excellent dreamfinder."

"Uhhh..." Stu blinked. "I'm sorry?"

"Is a family what you want more than anything in this life?" Epcot asked.

Another tear ran down Stu's face. "...y-yes."

"What's your name, mortal?"

"Uhm..." He sniffled. "Stu. Stu Leaves..."

"Stu Leaves. Mortal. Pegasus. Dreamer. Father." She smiled, then leaned forward to nuzzle him. Once the warm gesture was done, she stood back and said, "If you can dream it, then you can do it. And, in your case—if you can feel it, then you can be it." She smiled wide. "Don't give up hope, Stu Leaves. There's more to a pony's spirit than wind that can lift him up. You'll make a wonderful father someday, and your dream will blossom into brand new wonderous life."

He exhaled, his breaths coming out calm and tranquil.

Epcot trotted around, humming. "Now, let's see... just where is the next sim? Oh! Right!" She galloped off in a seemingly random direction. "Now is the time! Now is the best time! Now is the best time of your liiiife!" she sang.

"Who... uh..." Stu Leaves stood up alongside Rainbow, gazing at the uniformed figure. "...who's Ms. Cheerful?"

"Epcot."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, I know, right?" Rainbow leaned in. "And before you get any ideas, loverboy..." She patted him on the shoulder. "...she's not real."

"Uhhhhhhhhh huh..." Stu blinked as Rainbow trotted after the earth pony. "...are we even real?"

"Life is a prize. Live every minute. Open your eyes and watch how you win it."

Author's Note

Plonk Plonk Plonk

Stu Leaves grimaced, glancing left and right at the floating structures and abandoned buildings all around. He nearly flew into a shelf of polished rock—only for Rainbow Dash to dive down and nudge him out of harm's way. Exhaling with relief, he gave her a nervous smile before following the pegasus in a steep climb.

Rainbow Dash scaled an enormous granite structure depicting two alicorns in a romantic embrace. She flew after the flitting geodesic sphere as it took them down a chasm formed by jagged geometric castles, then over a plateau of glossy black marble.

At last, in the middle of the grand stone plane, Epcot lowered to the floor, then materialized into equine form.

Rainbow Dash and Stu Leaves touched down on either side of her.

"Yup!" Epcot grinned, strolling in a wide circle. "This should just about do it!"

"What have we got here, Epcot?" Rainbow asked. "Is this the location of the others' sims?"

"Nope!"

Stu blinked. "No?"

"I can't make the doorway to that open, silly!" Epcot grinned at the two. "I'm just a chaperone! A construct, remember?"

Rainbow sighed. "Then what was the friggin' point in bringing us here?"

"Well, you've gotta mold the dreamscape with your own imagination to get anywhere," Epcot said. "And sometimes I find—both for alicorns as well as for mortals like Starswirl—that the best way to dream stuff up is to have a blank slate!"

"A blank slate?"

"Uh huh!" Epcot tilted her head up into the bright sky. "And it so happens that this particular part is due for some lights out."

Stu and Rainbow peered directly up. They watched as several converging continents floated slowly, converging, blocking out the pulsating dimensions beyond.

Suddenly, in the span of seconds, the marble plane was cast in darkness.

The only light came from the luminescent seams in Epcot's uniform, as well as her sparkling purple eyes. "Now, then..." A wide set of grinning teeth reflected the other two ponies. "...how about some Illuminations?"

"I..." Stu's voice shuddered. "I don't see how this is going to help..."

"For Figment's sake, ponies! It's not that hard!" Epcot giggle-snorted. "We all have sparks, imaginations! That's how our minds create creations!"

Stu was about to retort when Rainbow Dash began pacing between them. "A spark you say..." Rainbow tapped her chin, squinting across the pitch black landscape. "Something tells me that's right up my alley."

"Huh?" Stu blinked.

Epcot leaned into the stallion. "I think she's seen beyond the waves."

"Can somepony please help me out? Cuz I'm really lost," Stu muttered.

"We all are. But I think that's the point," Rainbow said. "Looking for Applejack and the others isn't about scaling the mountains of the dreamscape. It's about piercing the walls between our sims. We gotta reach out to them. Ya feel me?"

"O...kay...?"

"Hmmmmm..." Rainbow Dash blinked. "Tell me, Stu, what's a song that only a pony living today would know."

"Why a pony living today?"

"Because that way I wouldn't be banging on the door to any dead alicorn's fantasy."

"Uhhhm..." Stu scrunched his face, then gasped. "Winter-Wrap Up!"

"Right... so..." Rainbow Dash trotted in a circle, silent.

Stu Leaves fidgeted. "Do you... even have a musical instrument?"

"No, but..." Rainbow glanced behind her. In the light of Epcot's eye-glow, she saw her own flicking tail. Rainbow Dash clenched her eyes, seethed, then reached back. Pop! She pulled her tail completely off.

Stu's jaw dropped.

Without wasting a breath, Rainbow flung the tail lengthwise in front of them. Each colorful shade split into even smaller hues, until they lay out in eighty-eight pieces, levitating before them. Rainbow stomped her hoof, allowing dust to rise from the dark floor. She then leaned forward and blew at the dust, causing it to coalesce in a round shape of staunch ebony. Within seconds, an ethereal piano stood before them with rainbow keyboards.

"But..." Stu gawked. "...how?"

"She's a natural, for sure!" Epcot squee'd.

"I know what this stuff looks like," Rainbow said. "But I'm no musician." She glanced over at the stallion. "You ever play the piano?"

"Actually..." He trotted over and stood before it. "...been a while since I tickled the ivories in Cloudsdale."

"I bet it never leaves you."

"In this place? I'm surprised I still have my brain." Stu took a deep breath. "Okay... the first few notes?"

"Why not."

The stallion's hooves wandered over the keys, producing melodic notes.

Rainbow more mumbled than sang: "Three months of winter's coolness, and awesome holidays..."

Just then, a brisk wind blew at the two ponies. They gritted their teeth, shielding themselves from a wave of soot and dust.

"Is it falling apart—?!" Stu stammered, attempting to scoop up the billowing ebony of the piano.

"No! It's fine! It's fine!" Rainbow shouted against the maelstrom. "Just keep at it!"

Stu played more notes.

Rainbow sang into the tumult, "We've kept our hoofsies warm at home, time off from work to play! But the food we've stored is running out, and we can't grow in this cold—"

Stu joined in, his mane billowing as a bright light formed in the fissure. "And even though I love my boots this fashion's getting old!"

A crack of thunder rolled, splitting the heavens in two. The darkness was gradually replaced by an invading hue of cold blue electric light.

"Nnnngh..." Rainbow wheezed. "What is that?"

Epcot floated past them, humming. "You made the call... and the call's been answered!" She grinned back at them. "Now might be a good time for jumping!"

Stu and Rainbow exchanged glances. With a sharp breath, Rainbow shook her rear. The piano dissolved, her tail snapping back in place as she galloped straight ahead. Stu Leaves glided alongside her.

Almost immediately, the fissure shrank, but both ponies dove through—dragging Epcot along with them—before it could collapse on its own.

"Wheeeeeeeee—" FLASH!

The Grid

Rainbow Dash shuddered and winced.

"Nnngh... guhh..."

She heard the echo of thunder in the distance. Then, somewhere close by, the dark landscape blooped and bleeped at her.

"What... the...?"

She sat up on her haunches, shaking her head.

"Mmmff... where'd we land? The migraine dimension? Luna poop..."

She raised a hoof to her aching skull.

Cl-Clank! A gloved forelimb touched a glass helmet.

"Huh?" She tapped it again.

Clank Clank.

Her vision returned, and she saw the translucent reflection of a pair of ruby eyes glinting off a curved visor. Her gaze traveled down, seeing the edges of her muzzle encased in a smooth, air-conditioned helmet. The outer lid of her visor glowed with a cool blue hue.

"Uhm..."

More lights flickered in the distance. Rainbow stood up, her body encased in a solid black suit with glowing blue lines. She squinted towards the horizon, and she saw a glossy flat plateau—like pure glass—stretching off towards obsidian black mountains that formed a sharp ravine. In the far distance, a city skyline of luminescent spires twinkled against a murky black sky. Lightning flickered at random intervals, tapering off into incandescent fractals of turquoise and silver.

"Am I... inside a toaster?" Rainbow slowly pivoted about, spotting spots along the immaculately smooth terrain where beams of blue light lingered, buzzing in cold geometric patterns. Whenever she spoke, she heard her voice echoing as if with electronic modulation. "Or the world's lamest rave party?"

"Guhh..." A stallion stood up beside her, his body—and wings—also wrapped in super tight latex armor that glowed along the seams.

"Whoah! Stu!" Rainbow trotted over. The spotlight from her glowing visor illuminated the stallion's quivering figure. "Take it easy! We totally hopped sims!"

"Is that why... I-I feel like a sardine can?" He looked at her, blinked, then blushed furiously. "Uhm..." He looked away from her, coughing into his helmet. "You're certainly... erm... dressed tight."

"Stu." Rainbow frowned. "Normally you and I aren't even dressed at all."

"I know, right? Don't you think clothes just ruin that?"

"I... I think..." Rainbow blinked, gazing off to the side in deep thought. "Huh. That's a good—" She gnashed her teeth and shook her head. "Darn it! Now's not the time to get into the finer philosophies of equine outfitting!" He hoisted him up to his hooves. "We gotta find out where we are."

"Your guess is as good as mine," Stu said. "I almost feel like I'm stuck in one of Vinyl Scratch's latest albums, only the music's turned off."

"You know, she's my friend in person," Rainbow said.

Stu gave her a double-take. "What? No kidding?"

"For sure. We've been drinking buddies for years."

"Huh. I did not know that."

"I'll introduce you two after we're done rescuing Applejack from limbo." Rainbow tilted around. "Now, where the hay is Epcot?"

"Epcot?!" Stu shouted, his voice crackling from his smooth helmet. "You there, girl?"

"YES." The geodesic sphere—now considerably more luminescent—flew by with orange and silver trails.

"Do you know where we are?" Rainbow asked.

The sphere turned bright red, trailing neon lights against the charcoal heavens. "NO."

Rainbow glared. "Could you revert back to adorable earth pony form, please?"

Flash! Epcot appeared in a tight white suit with glowing pink lines. Her mane was completely tucked under what appeared to be a tight glowing hoofball helmet. "Heehee! For some reason, I feel quite at home here!"

"But you don't know what 'here' is?" Stu asked.

"How could I?" Epcot shrugged. "I didn't construct this, and neither did the Alicorns!"

"But... Applejack did?" Stu blinked.

"Is she the type of pony to fantasize about this sort of place?"

"Epcot, I've never seen this 'place' ever!" Rainbow gestured wildly towards the distant glowing city. "This has about as much to do with an apple farm as Carousel Boutique does with mud wrestling!"

"Well, it's somepony's fantasy!" Epcot nonchalantly pulled a glowing disc off her back and began balancing it—spinning—atop her muzzle. "And so long as they're here, they're just as lost in the dream as your buddy Stu was!"

"Pffft..." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Great. Just how long will this take?"

"Nose to the grindstone, Rainbow," Stu said. "So long as we keep Applejack in our hearts and mind, we can make it past any obstacle that stands in our way—"

FWOOOOOOOOOOSH! A solid wall of bright blue light sliced between them, separating the three ponies.

"Gaaaie!" Stu shrieked.

"What the buck?!" Rainbow hollered. She tried to fly, but her wings were stuck to her side. "Nnngh! Darn suit!" She looked towards to her left.

A pony was riding a glowing two-wheeled bike. As the cyclist zoomed off in a curved arc, the blue wall followed immediately after him.

"Uhhhh—" Rainbow's right ear twitched beneath her helmet. She turned to her right.

Several more cycles came, these ones trailing bright yellows and reds. Unfriendly ponies in glowing yellow suits piloted these vehicles, and they didn't seem to care that a petite pegasus was in the way.

Rainbow bit her lip. Just then, Stu's strong forelimbs reached over the blue wall and hoisted her to his side.

FW-FW-FWOOOSH! All three cycles ripped over the glass plateau, pursuing the distant cyclist.

"Guh!" Rainbow and Stu toppled towards the side. "Thanks a bunch, pal," Rainbow wheezed.

"You can thank me later." Stu stumbled to his hooves, gawking at the brilliant chase scene. "Right now... all I want is explanations."

"Ooooh!" Epcot's whole suit lit up with dancing fuchsia particles. "My mortal senses are tingling! Heeheehee!"

Rainbow pointed. "You mean one of those dudes is a guest of Shindig?"

"If that's what you want to call him!" Epcot grinned. "He sure has an imaginative fantasy going on here!"

"Well... he's gotta wake up from that fantasy!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "If we can get each of the abducted dreamers to wake up, one by one, then I'm willing to bet we can weaken the barrier between us and Shindig's inner sphere!"

"Now you're thinking with your space noodle!" Epcot hugged herself. "Heeheehee!"

"How in Tartarus' name are we gonna catch up with him?!" Stu gestured at the distant blue speck. "Even the guys chasing him haven't got a chance."

Rainbow looked around at the landscape. She gritted her teeth. "We dream... and we dream hard."

This Isn't Happening; It Only Thinks It's Happening

"Rainbow, the cyclists are getting away!" Stu exclaimed, pointing towards the glossy horizon.

"Quick! Epcot!" Rainbow stamped her glowing boots and turned to face the white-suited mare. "How do I catch up with them? I can't fly!"

"I can't help you with that, silly!" Epcot stuck her tongue out.

"Grrrrr..." Rainbow's angry eyes flickered across her glowing visor. "Why not?"

"I'm just a chaperone! You're the dreamer!"

"But I gotta catch up with the blue pony and wake him!"

"And just how badly do you want that?"

"The hay are you talking about—?!" Rainbow waved her hoof, only for a stick to appear in her grasp. Flash! She blinked at it. "...huh."

"Whoah..." Stu stammered.

"Heehee!" Epcot hugged herself, reeling backwards. "Now you're barking with your brain bone!"

"Just what in the heck are you supposed to do with that thing?" Stu cackled.

"... ... ..." Rainbow smirked. "Step aside, leotardo." Holding her breath, Rainbow galloped, took a running leap, and activated the stick in mid-air. BZZZZT! A vehicle coalesced out of pure light energy. When she came down, she was full-body-straddling a glossy black cycle that left a bright blue trail as it zoomed ahead. "Wooohoooo! Okay... kiiiiind of awesome!"

"Dreaming and doing at the same time!" Epcot winked aside at Stu. "Magical, isn't it? Zoop!" With that, the chaperone ported back into a glowing sphere and flitted after Rainbow Dash.

"But... guhhh..." Stu gnashed his teeth. "Am I really expected to pull that off too?!"

"YES."

"Arrrgghhhh..." Stu frowned through his visor, gazing at his hooves. "How in Celestia's name...?" He flicked and flicked and flicked his right hoof. "Come on... stupid... dream fetlocks... make something appear!" It was no use. Sighing, he glanced at his left hoof. "What about you?"

Flash! A glowing stick materialized, bopping him in the helmet. THUD!

"D'oh!"

Swoooooooooosh!

Rainbow Dash formed vapor trails from sheer speed as she rocketed down the Grid, gaining momentum. To her left, she spotted three trails of ethereal yellow light.

"That must lead to the punks chasing after the guy," Rainbow crackled into her helmet. Beacons of light streaked by below her, issuing from somewhere deep beneath the glossy translucence. "If there's only one real dreamer in here besides myself and Stu, then I'm guessing it's open season on everypony else I see."

"YES," chanted a sphere flying alongside Rainbow Dash.

She looked at Epcot's flitting essence. "I'm totally right, am I? Smashing most everypony I see in this place to bits isn't murdering any soul?"

"NO."

"Er... is that 'No' to the murder bit or to me being right?"

"YES. NO."

"Eh..." Rainbow smirked ahead. "I'll figure it out on my own. This is too cool."

The cyclists dres closer and closer, weaving their way between to jagged plateaus of dull rock.

"Mmmff... sure is taking a while..." Rainbow blinked. "Wait... if maybe I just dream that I'm fast enough to catch up with them." She scrunched her muzzle, straining adorably beneath her helmet. "Rrrrrrrghhh..."

Vrsshhhhzzt! Her cycle accelerated—as if magically. In no time at all, Rainbow quadrupled in speed, gaining the distance between herself and the cyclists.

"Hah!" Rainbow grinned wickedly. "I love winning when it wins."

Swissssssh! She came up upon the three figures. One of the yellow-glowing ponies glanced aside, and an angry face bellowed from within his helmet: "Another user!"

"De-rezz her!" And the figure on the right veered hard to the side, bashing into Rainbow.

Cl-Clank! Sparks flew, fizzing into abstract nothingness.

"Hey!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "Whoah whoah whoah—ease up on the flankholeism, buddy! I just wanna talk to the good guy you're trying to off!"

The amber cyclists merely grunted and swerved into her once again... twice again.

Rainbow struggled to keep her vehicle upright, all the while avoiding both their glowing trails and the canyon walls. After the third or fourth bashing, she snarled, "Okay... now I'm officially ticked." She steered hard to the left. "Hope you put extra soap on your saddles!" she rasped.

Swoooosh! She cut across the path of two cyclists, erecting a rainbow wall directly in front of them.

"Aaaaaaaaaah—!" the two constructs shrieked. Their bikes exploded into the glowy material, sending their flailing bodies forward until they collapsed—grunting—across the Grid.

"Hah! That's right!" Rainbow hollered behind. "Eat my... err... glass!" She smirked aside at the last cyclist. "And how about you, sunshine?!"

FLASH! With a nimble hoof, the last combatant whipped out a hot-glowing disc.

"... ... ...'kay." Rainbow blinked.

"Rrrrrgkkt!" The pony slashed at Rainbow's cycle, shattering the front wheel into electronic madness.

"Gaaaaaaaiiie!" Rainbow flew off her dissolving bike. She flipped twice, slammed into the ground, and slid for several feet, wincing as she came to a stop. "Unnngh... no fair..." She gritted her teeth. "Why don't I get a glowy-death-bagel?"

Vrzzzzzzzzhhh! Trailing yellow energy, the cyclist swerved around and sped back towards Rainbow's body, swinging the disc like a circular lance.

Rainbow shot up to her hooves, sweating inside her helmet. "Hoboy." She looked up at a floating sphere above her head. "Quick! Epcot! You think I can summon a bazooka in this place?"

"NO."

Rainbow frowned. "Well screw you then. Tchh... I swear, worst golf ball ever." She then returned to watching her incoming doom.

The cyclist soared head-on, swinging the disc at Rainbow's head.

The pegasus mare clenched her eyes shut—

SWOOOOSH! A cyan cycle sailed down from atop one of the twin plateaus and landed in front of Rainbow Dash. It swung to the left, dragging a turquoise trail directly in front of the incoming enemy.

"Gaaaaah!" the cyclist flinched as his vehicle—KAPOWWW!—exploded into glittering flame and plasma, along with his brittle body.

Scrkkkk! Stu skidded to a stop, gasping atop his bike. "Ah jeez! Ah jeez!" He squeaked, teeth rattling. "I just killed a pony! Oh Celestia help me!"

"Stu!" Rainbow waved her hooves.

"I-I'm a murderer! I'm—"

"STU!" She galloped over, squeezing his suited shoulder. "It's okay!" She smiled through her visor, panting. "He was no more real than this dream is! You didn't murder anyone!"

"I... I didn't?"

"No! In fact, you saved me, you crazy idiot!"

"Oh... okay..." Stu wheezed, slumping down on his bike. After a few blinks, he blushed. "Hey... uh... you don't suppose this dream comes with dream diapers, do you?"

"NO."

"Who asked you?" Stu frowned at the sphere.

"Come on, Stu!" Rainbow hopped up and mounted the cycle directly behind him. "You've got the wheels! We need to catch up with the dreamer!"

"Oh yeah?" Stu's brow furrowed. "And just where is he?"

SWOOOOSH! In timely fashion, a blue cycle whizzed by. The stallion straddling it glanced aside, his helmet peeling away to reveal a smirking peach face. "Hah! More gladiators! Very well!" He winked a green eye, tossed his sandy mane, and throttled on ahead. "See if you can catch me, programs!" Swissssh!

Rainbow gawked, her ruby eyes twitching. "No way... Donut Joe..."

Stu glanced back at her. "Who?!"

"He's one of the other three whom Shindig's got captured! I-I know him!"

"From where?"

"Hmmmmm..." Rainbow's body drooped as a drunken smile cross her face. "...he just happened to be a face in the background of the Best Night Ever..." Visions of tassels and a blonde braid flickered across the lovestruck mare's eyes. She remembered late hours, trotting through the streets of Canterlot, listening to Applejack's deep, drawling voice.

"Uhhh... Rainbow?" Stu squirmed uncomfortably, feeling Rainbow's petite body draped delicately across his back.

"Erm... r-right..." Rainbow sat squarely on the back of the cycle and pointed forward with frown. "After that fatso!"

"I'm... uh... not exactly an expert at piloting this thing."

"Pfft. Come on, Stu, how bad can you be—?" VRMMMMMMMMMM! Rainbow shrieked and clung on for dear life as the stallion bobbed and weaved in a badly coordinated fashion. "Luna Poop Luna Poop Luna Poop!"

"YES YES YES YES YES!" Epcot darted after them as they pursued Donut Joe across the Grid.

This Is It, Come On

Across a glossy black expanse, two glowing cycles pursued one another. Donut Joe took an impressive lead, leaving a trail of blue energy behind him as he glided his way towards the edge of the plateau. Stu Leaves followed as swiftly as he could, throttling parallel to the target's light trail.

"Stu?!" Rainbow's voice cracked as she clung to the back of the stallion. Grunting, she craned her helmet to glare at him. "What gives? Why're you letting him get so far ahead of us?"

"It's m-my first time riding a two-wheeled metal space wagon powered by light!" Stu squeaked, gritting his teeth. "I'm surprised I haven't crashed into a garden fence or something by now!"

"Stu, look around you. Does this place look like it has gardens?"

"Well, I dunno! I don't even know where we are!" Stu glanced around, panting into his interior-lit helmet. "This feels like the inside of a refrigerator stock full of black gelatin!"

"Well, we'll spend less time in this place if you'd just catch up with Donut Joe!"

"And what do you plan to do with him when we catch up? Huh?" Stu frowned. "I doubt you can sonic rainboom him awake!"

"I-I'll think of something! I'm fast on my hooves!"

"Yeah, well, I'm not fast at all!" Stu winced. "Though I doubt this thing we're on really cares either way."

"Ah, for pony's sake." Rainbow Dash squinted to her right. She saw what appeared to be a ramp leading down to a lower level beneath the translucent surface. "Oh! Stu! Stu!" She pointed. "Down there! Take us down there!"

"What f-for?"

Rainbow grinned. "I smell a shortcut..."

"Hmmm-hmmmm-mmmmm..." Donut Joe smiled to himself, his melodic voice resonating inside his helmet as he casually sped ahead, eyes shut. "Only solutions. Don't pull me down, I just want to hear. Only solutionsssss. Oh it won't be long, it won't take toooo longggggg—"

VRMMMMMM! Out from beneath a glass onramp, Rainbow and Stu's cycle launched. It flew over Donut Joe's vehicle, screeched left and right, then finally glided evenly alongside the dreamer's craft.

"Hey!" Donut smiled aside. "Greetings, programs!"

"Donut Joe!" Rainbow snarled, flailing slightly as Stu once again lost his balance for a brief moment. "Your dream's come to an end! Now pull over your... erm... light bicycle thingy!"

"Pffft! Are you kidding?!" Joe grinned wide. "I'm the lead video game warrior for the past ten millicycles and counting! Ha-HA! This sure beats spreading sprinkles over frosting for a bunch of noisy, fat patrons every morning!"

"But s-sir!" Stu stammered. "You don't get it! You've been shammed by Flim and Flam!"

"I've been what now?"

"You were abducted the moment you stumbled into Shindig Soils!" Rainbow leaned aside, which only made Stu wobble all the more. "Don't you remember Central Fillyda?! The Cider Mill?! None of this is real! You're in a dream made up by thousands of dead alicorns and—"

"Pfft! Now you're really trying to pull my tail! Nice tactic!" Donut Joe winked. "But it won't let you win any better."

"Huh?" Stu blinked. "Win—?"

WHAM! Joe swung his cycle, bashing into the side of their vehicle.

"Luna Poop!" Rainbow stammered.

"Ah jeez!" Stu whimpered, struggling to stay upright. "Ah jeez!"

"Pffft! Look at you two floozies!" Donut Joe laughed into his helmet. "You couldn't possibly have been trained by the MCP!"

"The Ehm Cee what now?"

"Y'know, the Master Clop Program!" Donut Joe grinned. "Eh... doesn't matter. I've got bigger fish to fry. Eat my megabytes." VRMMMM! He soared on ahead, gliding down a slope that led into a valley of glowing red platforms.

"He's getting away!" Rainbow slapped the back of Stu's helmet. "Go on! After him!"

"Rainbow..."

"He's calling us losers?! Pfft! Not if I have anything to do with it—"

"Rainbow, you're not thinking outside of the box!"

Rainbow blinked at the stallion. "Huh?"

"If we play by his rules, then we're stuck in his dream." Stu frowned. "The whole point is to drag him out of it so we can find Applejack and the others!"

"But... but..." Rainbow winced. "How?"

"You're asking me? You're the one who did it before!"

A familiar sphere flew into proximity. "YES."

"Hmmmm..." Rainbow tapped her helmeted chin in thought. "Alright, so we gotta pull Donut Joe out of his dark blue glowy comfort zone." She blinked, then smirked devilishly. "First thing's first... I'm gonna need a distraction."

"Okay, like what?" Stu asked. "An explosion? A loud noise?"

"No." Rainbow reached back, pulled a glowing disc loose, and held it before the driver. "You."

"Ah, okay." Stu went cross-eyed, nearly crashing the cycle. "Wait... What?"

Finish The Game

"Ah... what a beautiful fractal day," Donut Joe chimed to himself as he glided forward, ramping from platform to platform as he navigated fine crimson fissures in the Grid's glossy surface. "I wonder what's next?" His eyes darted left and right, and soon the chubby stallion was smiling with red cheeks. "Maybe I should see what Olivia Whinny is up to—"

Swoooosh! CLANK! Another cycle came in out of nowhere and rammed into him.

"Gah!" His hooves slipped at the controls. Amidst a shower of sparks, he wildly flailed, finally pulling the cycle upright and spinning to a stop. "What gives?!" He glared.

"Uhhhh..." Stu Leaves rested his cycle dead-square in the middle of a platform surrounded by glowing red fissures. Blips and bloops of electronic light intermittently flickered across the valley in between them. "I give... apparently..."

"I thought I was being nice and graceful to you up there on the plateau!" Donut growled through his helmet. He tugged at the controls, causing his cycle to flash with deep cyan light. "How'd you like to be de-rezzed permanently?"

"Er... is th-that a bad thing?"

"It means your digital matrix is washed away for all eternity!" Donut grinned.

Stu leaves gulped. "Well... that would certainly ruin a Friday... eheh..."

"How about it, bucko?"

"I... r-really can't let you ride off any longer." Stu nervously squirmed atop his cycle. His eyes darted towards the far end of the valley. "Uhm... I have... er... space business with you."

"Hah! The Grid has nothing to do with Outer Space, you silly program!"

"... ... ...deep sea business?" Stu winced. "For real, though, where in the heck are we?!"

"I am climbing up the leader board of video game warriors!" Donut Joe's nostrils flared, condensing against the front edge of his visor. "You, on the other hoof, are nothing but loose data code!" And he revved at the glowing engine. "Have at you, null unit!"

"Uhhhhh..."

Vrmmmmmmmm! Donut Joe glided violently ahead, ramping over the fissures and leaving a sporadic trail of light in his wake. The nose of his cycle reflected Stu Leaves' dormant figure.

"Uhhh..." Stu's teeth clattered as he tilted his helmet aside. "Now would be a good time—"

Fwisssssssssh! A rainbow-glowing disc flew in from out of nowhere.

"Huh?" Donut glanced aside—only to get a muzzle-ful of light. CLANK! "OOFA!" He flew clear off his bike.

Cl-Clackka! The cycle toppled over, spun, and skidded to a stop right before Stu's trembling figure. The stallion slumped on his vehicle, exhaling.

"Gnnghhh..." Donut Joe stood up, rubbing his cracked helmet. "What in the buck...?!"

Fw-Fwiiiish! The rainbow disc flew back, landing in the raised hoof of a squatting pegasus several meters away. "Wow, Joe!" She smirked, standing up on a dark platform surrounded by redness. "For a guy who dishes out so may donuts, you sure don't know how to take them." She winked. "The glowy ones, that is."

"You again!" Donut growled, kipping up to his hooves. "What's it going to take to make you leave me alone?!"

"You gotta wake up, pal!" Rainbow frowned. "As snazzy as this place is, it's no place at all. So, snap out of it. We've got places to go and ponies to safe."

Epcot flitted around the mare's head. "YES YES."

"Right." Rainbow gestured at the sphere. "What I said."

"Finally..." Donut licked his lips while pulling a bright blue disc from the back of his suit. "...a decent challenge. It's been countless millicycles..."

"Uhhh... Rainbow?" Stu grimaced, staring across the way at her. "I'm not sure you wanna go hoof-to-hoof with him in this place. The stallion seems to know what he's doing."

"Oh please..." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "How good at this thing could he possibly be—?"

"Rrrrrrrghh—" Donut Joe galloped forward, spun, and swung the disc with all his might. "HAAAAAUGH!" The object spiraled across the ground like a buzz-saw, ripping up rock and gravel and glass as it carved its way violently towards Rainbow.

SCRKKKKK!

"Sonuva—" Rainbow squeaked and raised her disc in front of her like a dinky shield.

CLANKKK!

The blow sent her flying backwards, flailing. "Aaaaaaaaaaaugh!" She landed on a plane of transulcent glass bordering the red platforms. "Ooof!" The floor cracked from her impact while Donut Joe's disc retracted.

"Rainbow!" Stu called out from where he stood. "Are you okay?!"

"Nnnngh..."

Stu grimaced. "For real, Dash! He just owned you!"

Epcot flew past him. "YES."

Rainbow wheezed. "He didn't ask you!" she sputtered.

"FINISH THE GAME!" Donut Joe leapt and sailed down at her, disc first.

Rainbow looked up, bug-eyed. "Dude—come onnn!" She raised her rainbow disc and met him at the end of his jump. CLANNNG! The valley reverberated with geometric rings of explosive energy.

End of Line.

Stu Leaves winced and winced and winced some more. He watched from several yards away while Rainbow Dash tumbled and flailed atop the red platforms, doing her frantic best to deflect all of Donut Joe's disc attacks.

"We can't possibly be going about this the right way," Stu muttered. "It's as though we're doing deeper and deeper into the donut hole."

With a flash of light, the geodesic sphere materialized into best pony beside him. "Wel, you can do something about that, y'know!" Epcot winked.

"Like what?!" Stu Leaves blanched her way. "I thought I was supposed to be the distraction! Not Rainbow Dash!"

"Hehe! It's funny how the future works out, isn't it?" Epcot grinned. "I suggest you ride this wave! Make a splash! Sever the dream in half with your surf board!"

"But... b-but how?!" Stu gulped. "I can't seem to get a feel for this place as well as Rainbow Dash does."

"You're dwelling too much on her," Epcot said. "Think of the pony who brought you two here to begin with. The same pony that's helping her battle so hard to keep you both alive right now!"

Stu Leaves bit his lip. "Applejack..." His glossy eyes reflected the darklit horizon beyond the battle. "She needs us right now..."

"Mmmhmm! So do other mortals, from what I hear!" Epcot chirped. "And you think they're gonna dream themselves out of this silly mess? Heehee!"

Stu frowned, slowly shaking his helmet. "They're helpless on their own. Rainbow and I? We're the ones outside of Shindig's sphere, upsetting the system."

"Sounds like you've got the idea down pat!"

"But... b-but how do I open us up to another sim?"

"Hey, you're the dreamwalker, not me!" Epcot giggled. "If you can dream it, then you can do it!"

Stu slowly panned around. His helmeted eyes fell upon a plane of glass bordering the red platforms. "Okay... okay, I think I got it!" He hopped off his bike and galloped over. "This will be a bit crazy..."

"Ooooh! I can't wait to see!" Epcot flitted after him in a flash of glowing blue light.

"Haaaugh!" Donut Joe twirled and flung his disc. It spun in a violent arc, then came sailing down at Rainbow Dash.

The pegasus squatted low, holding her disc over her skull and deflecting two swift blows. As the disc ricocheted off, she stood up, panting for breath. "Will you quit it, already, Joe?! It's me, Rainbow Dash! Twilight Sparkle's friend from Ponyville?!"

Donut Joe hopped platforms, grabbing a disc in midair. He landed in a slide and smirked at her through his helmet. "I dunno how you survived, slave! Prepare to terminate!" He flung the disc once more.

Rainbow jumped backwards, deflecting the disc throw once again. The blow sent her flying back fifteen feet. She landed, hooves grinding towards the edge of the crimson fissure. "For real! Knock if off before I get angry! I don't care if this is your dream or not; I've taken down punks three times your size!" She spat. "And considering how big your flank is, that really means something." A beat. She grimaced. "Aw Luna Poop! I spat into my visor!"

"It's too bad!" Donut jumped aside and swung his disc. "You should have joined me! You and I could have made a great team!"

Rainbow deflected the disc, snarled, then ripped her helmet off completely. She yelled into the naked air. "What the buck is that supposed to even mean?!"

Donut Joe grabbed his disc on the rebound. "You and I—"

"No, for real?! Where did that even come from?!" Rainbow frowned. "You're trying to 'de-rezz' my flank or some crud. So, like, when did it ever enter your head that you and I would 'make a great team?!'"

"It just seemed like the best thing to say—"

"No." Rainbow wretched. "It was stupid."

"And the way you—"

"Stupid."

"I dunno how you survived, slave!" Donut Joe repeated, coiling his forelimb back to launch a disc again. "Prepare to terminate!"

"Dude, your dream's totally lame!" Rainbow hollered. "What are you gonna do next? Dream up a dumbflake sequel?"

"RAAAAUGH!" Donut Joe tossed his glowing weapon straight at her head.

She winced and ducked as low as she could. "Me and my big fuzzy muzzle..."

Fw-Fwissssh! CLAKKA!

Stu Leaves leaned over and pressed his hoof to the glass floor beyond the platforms. A glowing panel appeared, and he dragged his hoof across a circle. The panel lit up, then lifted entirely from the rest of the surface.

Stu squatted before it, pressing his hoof up to the glass. Then, after a concentrated breath, he trotted around to the other side of the panel. There, he found a doppelganger of himself with a glowing yellow suit, squatting with his hoof placed against the glass like a mirror image. When both stallions looked at each other, the yellow clone stood up, smiled, and spoke in a stilted voice: "We are to make the perfect system?"

"Eenope." Stu pulled the disc off his back and sliced the stallion's head off.

CRACKKK!

Glass and gravelly bits of electronic particulate fell to the floor.

Calmly, Stu reached into his decapitated doppelganger's neck, then pulled back with his hoof.

The headless stallion inverted. As the body turned inside out, it morphed into a crooked crankshaft. Stu balanced the object in his hooves, then stared at the horizon. He narrowed his eyes, concentrated, then thrusted the crankshaft fowards, horizontally, like a spear.

"Rghhh!"

Th-Thunk! The lever embedded into pure air, causing the atmosphere around it to warble, quiver, then settle into place.

Epcot gently floated behind Stu while the stallion grasped the crankshaft with a hoof and in a mouth-full of strong teeth. With strong, undulating motions, he rotated the lever, spinning it within its ethereal hole.

In the extreme distance, the mountains plateaus rose higher and higher, stretching in time with the rotations of the crankshaft.

Stu Leaves locked eyes with it. He paused, glanced aside at Rainbow and Donut Joe, then back at the impossibly-stretching mountains. They were so high that they disrupted the digital lighting erupting high overhead. At last, he jumped back, releasing his toothed grip of the crankshaft.

The lever spun wildly as the mountains split open. Soon, the extreme horizon was ripping in two, and a tear of solid white light soared through the geographic sphere, sundering the Grid as it rippled in their direction.

"Now's the time to go!" Stu sputtered, galloping away from the spreading abyss and straight for Rainbow and Donut Joe.

Epcot sailed after him, swiftly. "YES YES YES."

"You're very persistent, my little pony!" Donut Joe shouted.

Rainbow retorted. "I'm also better than you!"

The stallion frowned, then raised his disc to skewer the mare down the center.

Stu Leaves plowed into him from behind. "Time to wake up!" Whump!

"Gaugh!" Donut Joe grunted as he fell to the ground, pinned there by Stu's weight.

"Stu?!" Rainbow gawked. "What the heck?! I totally had him!"

"NO."

Rainbow blinked at Epcot. "Huh?"

"Rainbow..." Stu hissed, struggling to keep Joe restrained. "...things are about to get really bright here."

Rainbow looked to see the incoming ravine of white light shredding their way. "Awwww jeez!" She galloped forward, plowed into both Stu and Donut Joe, and shoved the three of them into the tear. Their shrieks disappeared into the void, and Epcot followed them before the entire dreamscape imploded on itself.

Fighting Shindig by Mule Light

With three pony shrieks, the trio fell through bright blue skies before landing atop a gravel-laden rooftop.

"Oof!"

"Guhh!"

"Ummf!" Rainbow Dash winced, squirming in her suit. She slowly pulled herself back onto her hooves, looking past the stirring figures of Stu Leaves and Donut Joe.

A sprawling maretropolis stretched around them with tall skyscrapers and massive apartment complexes. In the center of the city stood a tall pointed tower constructed out of bright red metal girders. In the distance, the landscape rose in elevation. Cherry blossom trees bordered dark emerald forests, and as the mountains scaled higher, Rainbow could see a snow-capped volcano in the distance.

"At least it's a lot..." Stu sputtered. "...br-brighter here."

FLASH! Epcot materialized between them, kicking her hooves with joy. "Woohooo! Figment be praised! You made it! Way to go, dreamers!"

"Rrrrgh!" Donut Joe stood up, frowning. "What the heck are you congratulating them for?! They've ruined everything!" He spun about. "What kind of a program is this?! Get me back to the Grid before I de-rezz you!"

"Dude... take a good smell of that smoggy city air." Rainbow squinted his way. "We're no longer in your fantasy of blips and bloops."

"H-huh?!"

"None of this is real, Mr. Joe," Stu said through his helmet.

"Actually, I'm just called 'Joe.' 'Donut' is my surname."

Stu blinked, then slumped back to the rooftop. "The darn video game warrior nonsense made more sense."

"Somepony help me out here," Joe stammered, pulling his helmet off and shaking his mane loose. "If none of this is real, then how come I can still think and talk?"

"Look, you're still you," Rainbow Dash said. "You've just been abducted into a place called Cider Space where what you think becomes real."

"Then toss me back out, you creeps!" Joe snarled.

"We weren't the ones who did it!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "Don't you get it, ya dough huffer?! We came in to get you and the other ones out!"

"Other ones?" Joe squinted. "What other ones?"

"Could that be one of the mortals over there?" Epcot pointed due north.

Stu and Rainbow craned their necks. "Where?" They both blanched visibly.

"Oh. Nevermind." Epcot smiled sweetly. "He's a little too big to be a pony." A beat. "And not cute."

"HRESSSSSSHAAAAA!" A giant dragon with obsidian scales stood at the far end of the city, towering above the buildings as he smashed his way into downtown. Ponies fled through the streets below, shrieking in horror. Snarling, the dragon breathed fire and made its way towards the large red tower in the middle of the maretropolis.

"Uhhh..." Joe winced. "That's definitely not from the Grid."

"Rainbow..." Stu squeaked.

"Right." Rainbow gulped. "Let's peel out of these stupid suits and fly out of here—"

"Not so fast!" warbled a feminine voice.

All three whirled around, then squinted as a bright light shone in their faces.

A quadrupedal figure lowered down from the heavens. As the bright energy faded, they could all see a female mule standing on her hindquarters, her body garbed in a pastel colored bodice with a rainbow colored skirt. Sporting a tiara atop her dark mane, the mule wielded a scepter and dragged a crescent-shaped beam of light across the air.

"In the name of Luna, I shall punish you, foul creature!" Then, grinning, she held the scepter forward. With the sound of twinkling bells, the scepter pulled her up into the air and launched her body via a stream of sparkles towards the rampaging dragon in the distance.

"That..." Rainbow winced. "...is the epitome of girliness."

"Mulia...?" Joe exhaled.

"Huh?" Stu glanced at him.

"Mulia Mild...?!" Joe trotted up to the edge of the building, watching as the mule in question spun furious circles around the monster, zapping it all over with bright flashes of light. "What in the heck is she doing here?! She's no fantasy of mine!"

"Or mine," Rainbow said, shuddering.

"You know her?" Stu asked.

"Yeah, she's big time competition for me at every year's National Dessert Competition!" Joe turned and looked towards the other two. "You guys weren't kidding about this Cider Space stuff, huh?"

"How wonderful!" Epcot beamed. "You must have dreamed us directly into another mortal's sim!"

Rainbow shuddered. "Guess that means if Shindig's already chosen an heir, then it's either Gustav le Grand or..." She gulped, whispering beneath the sound of the dragon's roar. "...Applejack."

Magical Mystery Mule

"HRESHAAAA!" The hulking dragon paused in the middle of the wrecked city to swipe and claw at the air around him.

Fearless, Mulia Mild soared swiftly around the beast's head, twirling with a flounce of her pastel skirts and firing beams of pretty magic at the monster's crown.

"Haaa!" The mule smiled, twirling her scepter and bombarding the draconian fiend with an endless barrage of sparks. "Let the wrath of the constellations exorcise your blighted taint!""

As the dragon reeled from the magical mule blasts, the citizens down below cheered and waved their forelimbs in joy. Two young mares in schoolfilly uniforms even took the opportunity to pose and take a selfie with the bombarded beast in the background.

"HRESSH!" Blinded, the beast swung its claws once again.

Mulia sailed past the attack, threaded her way through the red tower's girders, and came out the other end launching a translucent blue stream of spheres. "Muuuuuuule bubblessss!"

Far across the city, Rainbow Dash, Stu Leaves, and Donut Joe watched from the tall skyscraper's rooftop.

"Hey, uh..." Donut Joe squirmed. "...am I the only pony who's somehow able to hear all of Mulia's war cries from hundreds of meters away?"

"You're not alone." Stu shuddered. "We gotta bring an end to this. I dunno how many times I can take hearing the phrase 'blighted taint' today."

"Epcot!" Rainbow Dash spun about, gawking at the chaperone. "You're cutest, smartest, all around best pony! How do we stop something this epic so that Mulia Mild will snap out of it?"

"Why, it's quite simple, silly!" Epcot fanned herself, inpexlicably wearing a kimono with goldfish designs. She flounced a mane set in an updo while smiling. "The only way to steal one pony's thunder is to make some of your own that's even awesomer!"

"Well, I'm used to doing that," Rainbow said. She pointed at the hulking beast breathing fire at the magical mule across the way. "But not when there's a dragon in the picture!"

"Heehee! That's right! I forgot." Epcot winked. "This you didn't travel all that far east, did you?"

"Buh?"

Epcot disappeared and then reappeared beside Donut Joe, once again wearing her cast member uniform. "I'd say we get the bagel meister in on this one! It'll be a learning experience for both mortals!"

Joe squinted. "The Hell is this broad jabbering about?"

"She's actually quite bright when you get used to her," Stu said.

"If you wanna stop the mule, you've got the fuel!" Epcot tapped Donut Joe's chest, smiling. "The spark of dreaming is inside you, just waiting to burst!"

"I've got parts of me wanting to burst, alright." Joe teetered, wheezing. "I feel an aneurysm comin' on..."

"Awwww..." Epcot pouted. "Don't doubt yourself! Pierce the dream's veil for Rainbow and Stu's friends! You like friendship, don't you?"

"Uhhhh... sure?"

"Mulia Mild needs your helppppp," Epcot sang.

Rainbow face-hoofed. "Epcot..."

"She's trying hard doing what she caaaaaaaaan!" Epcot hopped little pony circles around Donut Joe.

"Darn it, Epcot!" Rainbow snarled.

Epcot shoved Donut forward so that he stared over the glistening Maretropolis. "Won't you tryyyyy, just give it a chaaaance? You might find that you'll start to understaaaaaaaand!"

Donut Joe blinked. He stared at building after building. Finally, a mischievous squint consumed his eyes. "Alright... I think I've got this..." He held both forelimbs out, straining.

Rainbow and Stu winced, covering their ears while an obnoxiously blaring horn issued out of the heavens. At that exact same times, several skyscrapers grew up out of the ground, like magic beanstalks of windowed steel and concrete...

FWOOOOOMB! The dragon breathed fire at Mulia's tiny figure.

The mule dodged, skirted the surface of a building, kicked off of it, and flew straight past the monster's body with a slash of her glowing scepter.

"HRESSSHA!" The cretin yelped in pain.

"That's what you get for attacking innocent mares and foals!" Mulia Mild twirled upwards, then hovered in place with her tiara shimmering righteously. "Now, by the authority granted me by the celestial bodies, I shall—"

But just as she raised her scepter to blast the dragon again, the air rumbled with repetitive blasts of thunder.

THUD!

THUD!

THUD!

Mulia Mild blinked. The citizens below stirred nervously. Even the giant dragon paused to glance around in confusion.

"Wait..." Mulia blinked. "...what the buck?"

THUDDDD! A crater formed in the streets beside them.

Both Mulia and the dragon spun, gawking.

A gigantic jaeger constructed out of white concrete-and-steel skyscrapers stood before the pair in the middle of the city. It raised its arms with glisteningly sharp radio antennae and swiveled an apartment complex "head" to face the gawking draconian target.

"Alright, ugly!" Donut Joe grinned from deep within a flashy pilot's compartment. His hooves gripped a pair of control sticks as he aimed the lumbering construct forward. "Let's finish this!"

"Hey!" Mulia Mild frowned from where she floated beside the marching automaton. "What's the big idea? I was going to save the day for beauty, truth, and the stars!"

"Move over, mule lady!" Donut growled, slowly charging the dragon. "We're gonna punch a hole through this stupid fantasy! Arms, report in!"

"Left arm standing by!" Stu Leaves shouted, gripping his own controls in a separate cockpit.

"Grnnngh..." Rainbow Dash folded her forelimbs, frowning inside her seat. "This is really really stupid."

"I dunno..." Stu grinned, speaking into an intercom. "I kinda like it!"

"You would."

"Aaaaaaaaaand..." Donut jerked the controls, forcing the skyscraper golem to strike a ridiculously flashy pose. "Attack!"

Flash! Epcot materialized on the jaeger's shoulder. "A true true friend helps a friend in—"

"We know, Epcot!" Rainbow barked. "We're past that part!"

Ponycific Rim

THUD! THUD! THUD!

Stu Leaves gasped inside his cockpit deep within the skyscraper jaeger. "The dragon's coming straight for us!"

"Jee," Rainbow droned. "I wonder if it's gonna breathe fire right after yelling 'Hreshaaaaaa' or some nonsense."

"HRESHAAAAAAAA!" Flame and plasma erupted in the ponies' direction.

"I rest my blue fuzzy case," Rainbow moaned.

"Buffer up!" Donut Joe swung his control sticks in opposite directions. The large skyscraper golem crossed its arms, absorbing the heat and damage. "Rrrrrgh! Remember! The goal here is to out-awesome Mulia's dream so she'll wake up!"

"Why not let me fly out there and kick the creep in the face?" Rainbow asked.

"Eyes on the prize, Rainbow," Stu said, struggling with his controls. "Applejack needs us all in one piece, remember?"

"Yeah. Of course." Rainbow took a deep breath and shoved forward with her levers. "Let's skin ourselves a cat!" she shrieked. "... a cat that's eighty stories tall... and made of scales... and anti-cuddles."

"For jelly centers!" Donut Joe shouted as the golem lunged forward through the flames. THUD THUD THUD! The giant mech swung a radio antennae viciously across the dragon's cheek. WHAM! "Happy Tuesday, punk!"

"Raaaaaaaaugh!" The dragon fell back, smashing through several apartments while citizens fled through the streets below, shrieking.

The golem next leapt up high, sailing down at the draconian foe.

The dragon propped itself up with its wings and breathed fire directly upwards.

The jaeger resisted, its outer shell melting slightly. At last, it teetered backwards, giving the dragon a window of opportunity to jump up and claw-slash the automaton several times. On the third swing, Stu's building-arm grabbed one of the limbs of the dragon and the jaeger performed a massive million-ton germane suplex.

SMASSSSH!

The dragon went sprawling through several building, bellowing in pain.

"Okay..." Rainbow huffed and puffed, smirking sweatily inside her cockpit. "That was actually kind of cool..."

Stu Leaves winced, staring out his window at the carnage in the street. "Will somepony think of the citizens?!"

"They're all fake, Stu, remember?"

"Oh. Right." Stu frowned as he re-gripped the controls. "Buck 'em." He slapped a red switch.

POW! The radio antennae on one arm fired off like a missile, grazing the dragon's shoulder and spilling hot blood through the air. The kaiju struggled to stand up, shrieking in frustration. Seconds later, Donut Joe charged the jaeger into the beast, knocking it to the ground once more and filling the air with pummeling arm-strikes.

Several blocks away, Mulia Mild hovered at skyline-level, gawking at the violent clash.

"This... this simply will n-not do!" the warbled in a hurtful tone, then frowned. "By the Power of Luna, I... I've been..."

Flash! Epcot materialized on a buildingtop beside her. "Disappointing, isn't it?"

Mulia looked over, her mane flouncing beneath her tiara. "Huh?"

"Even immortals had the same thing happen to them," Epcot said with a tiny smirk. "They'd dream up something unbelievably awesome, only to have the moment of glory stolen away from them. But, all things considered, it was juast as well. For if all your dreams came true, what's the point in dreaming?"

"I... I-I don't get it..."

Epcot winked. "Live, Mulia. Come out of this fantasy and live." Her teeth showed as her mane sparkled. "Only when you make your dreams a reality can you truly revel in contentment."

Mulia shuddered. She gazed down at her gloved hooves and brightly colored skirts.

"Tell me." Epcot leaned forward. "What does a pretty, charming mule such as yourself want more than anything right now?"

A tear ran down Mulia's muzzle. In the distance, thunder rolled, and the sky over the maretropolis started darkening. "Home," she murmured. "I... I want to go home..."

"Shhhh..." Epcot gently gestured towards the ensuing battle. "So do they. Maybe now's a good time to help the dreamer's end your dream, yes?"

Mulia blinked. Gradually, she frowned. As her scepter glowed with a burning passion, she pivoted her entire body towards the scene and plunged with mad abandon.

A Leap to the Past

WHUD! WHUD! WHUD!

"I don't think this dragon wants to stay down!" Stu Leaves shouted from his cockpit.

"Rrrrgh!" Donut Joe grunted, swinging his control sticks wildly and forcing the building-mech's "arms" to swing. "Punch it!"

"But what if it isn't enough to end this dream?!" Stu exclaimed.

"Punch it harder!"

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow was sticking her head out the cockpit, staring up at the sky above. "Guys...?"

"Just a few more hits!" Donut Joe panted, sweating as he beat the dragon's face in. "A few more cracked teeth and we'll be making progress!"

"Don't look now, but the mule's dropping!"

"Ah jeez!" Stu covered his head.

Rainbow sighed from across the hollow jaeger. "Not that kind of dropping, ya melon fudge—"

Fwissssssh! Mulia Mild sailed straight past them, trailing a stream of glitter and sparkles. The sheer force of her flyby produced a sonic blast that knocked the jaeger back. While the dragon was still sprawled on the ground, Mulia perched on its skull. The mule raised her staff, took a deep breath, and shoved it straight down between the beast's eyes.

"What in the hay is she—" Rainbow stopped in mid-sentence, gawking.

"Holy Hertz!" Donut Joe gasped.

Before their eyes, the dragon's skin rolled back, revealing a paper shell. What was once a beast of burning fury had been reduced to wicker effigy. Within the span of three blinks, Mulia yanked the scepter back up, and the entire wicker shell retracted like wind-up blinds. The material imploded, compressed on itself, and funneled into a cylinder at the end of Mulia's scepter.

Calmly, Mulia Mild twirled the scepter over her head and flicked it.

THWPPP!

A giant paper crane formed at the end of her rod. The mule whistled a tune, and the bird's wings flapped while its origami head jabbed forward with several tap-tap-taps. The sound of glass cracking lit the air. All three ponies inside the giant mech craned their necks to get a better look. The solid air in front of the enormous paper crane was growing more and more distorted, as if the paper beak of the effigy was striking an invisible solid right in front of Mulia.

At last, after several more heavy taps of the relentless bird—CRACKK!—the fissure burst open, bright white and pulsating. All matter and sediment directly outside the portal were immediately sucked in, along with Mulia herself.

"Whoah..." Donut Joe spoke out the side of his muzzle. "Did that broad just do what I think she did?"

Epcot flitted by, carrying several loose cherry blossom petals. "YES." The sphere swiftly dove through the white slit after Mulia.

"Uhhhh..." Stu tilted his head about. "...Rainbow?"

"I see it!" Rainbow dove out of her cockpit then swung by the other two seats. "Hold on, boys!"

Donut and Stu gasped as Rainbow dragged them out of the collapsing mech and down towards the fissure. The city buildings bent and shattered all around them. Debris and street signs flew past them as they made a mad dash for the swiftly shrinking portal.

"Ah cheese!" Joe whimpered. "Ah cheese and crackers!"

"How I hate this parrrrrt." Stu covered his face with his hooves.

"Nnnnghhhh!" Rainbow gritted her teeth to the breaking point, twirled, and threaded the three of them through the fissure.

WH-WH-WHUD!

All three of them landed on a soft patch of sprigy grass. A blue sky stretched overhead, framed by tall mountains covered in majestic forests.

"Mmmff..." Stu wince, rolling onto his back like a giant fuzzy cockroach. "Now where in Celestia's name are we?"

"Hopefully someplace a little less fruity than that last spot," Donut Joe grunted. He stood up straight, looking around. "Mulia? Mulia Mild?"

"I'm right here, Mr. Joe."

"Please, it's just Joe." Joe exhaled through a relieved smiled. "Wowsers... it's so good to have you back. I mean... you are back, right?"

"More or less..." The mule stood before them, fidgeting in her ridiculously colorful dress. "I... haven't had fantasies like that since I was just a little darling." A shudder ran through her. "I can't believe how embarrassing this has been. I swear, Serenity Shindig is going to pay."

"One thing at a time," Stu Leaves said. "Just where are we?"

"More importantly!" Rainbow Dash stood up, then flapped her wings for lift. "Whose is this place?"

"Is this even another dream?" Donut Joe asked.

FLASH! Epcot appeared, wearing a flowing pink dress with an elaborate metal tiara fitted with three golden triangles. "I would most certainly say so! Heehee! You're all making great time, my little ponies!"

"Epcot...?" Stu winced. "What in the heck are you wearing?"

"You know what...?" Epcot did a little twirl, smiling. "I don't know! It certainly shimmers, doesn't it?" She pointed casually past them. "Maybe you should ask him!"

All four figures spun around.

SCHIIIING! A long blade reflected their gasping faces.

A lumbering griffon with a pelican beak and grayish feathers shuffled up, pointing a sword at their gawking faces. He wore a green tunic with a matching cap. "Are they bothering you, fair Princess?"

"Who, me?" Epcot batted her eyelashes. "Oh no. Hehe. They're my friends... er... well..." She blushed slightly, curtsying. "At least the closest thing I've had to such."

"Quite likely they have bewitched you and compromised your wisdom!" The pelican glared, beak clattering. "It matters little, for I will vanquish them back into the mist-laden forests!"

"Gustave?" Donut Joe wheezed. "Gustave le Grand?"

"Butter my biscuits," Mulia said, shuddering. "Now I don't feel so embarrassed..."

Gustave frowned. "Well excuuuuuuuuse me! Just whose kingdom is this?"

"Rainbow...?" Stu murmured aside, keeping his eyes trained on Gustave and his blue-hilted sword. "...any thoughts."

"... ... ..." Rainbow took a shuddering breath. "Yeah... AJ isn't here..."

"Does that mean what I think it means?"

"Yeah." Rainbow shuddered, her eyes glossy. "...Shindig's chosen her as her heir..."

Jee, It Sure Is Appledash Around Here

"I shall ask you one more time, knaves!" Gustave shuffled forward, wings spread as he aimed the sword in hisleft talon at the ponies' necks "What's possessed you to kidnap the princess?!"

"Please, my little mortal, you don't understand!" Epcot stifled a giggle, gesturing with her gloved hooves. "I'm not a princess, though I don't exactly shudder at the thought. You see, this is all an elaborate psionic construct and you've become the unwitting pawn in a megalomaniacal mare's game and—" She paused, her purple eyes drawn to a glittery gold triangle hovering just above her right fetlock. "Oooooh! Lookit!" She grinned from ear to ear. "Shiny!"

"You've bewitched her!" Gustave le Grand snarled with a flounce of his green cap. "I knew it! Have at thee!"

"Whoah whoah whoah!" Donut Joe stood before Mulia Mild as the tip of the sword poked into his chest. "Ease up with the poker, Gustave! It's me! Donut Joe!" He motioned with his head. "That's Mulia Mild! We've met up at baking competitions every year! Remember?"

"All I hold true to my heart and mind is my everlasting oath to Her Majesty!" Gustave struck a heroic pose, his hawkeyes thin and piercing. "Her wisdom complements my courage! And together, we stand as a final bastion against the dark and powerful evil of Ga—"

WHAM!!! Rainbow Dash's blue hoof flew across the griffon's pelican beak.

"Ooof!" Gustave fell down to the grass, shuddering. "Ugggh... Gustave needs food badly..."

Everypony instantly winced.

"Rainbow...?!?!" Stu Leaves gawked.

"Wake the buck up, turkey!" Rainbow shouted over Gustave's body before kneeling down and scooping up his sword. "For real—I'm not even playing with you!"

"Heh..." Donut Joe smirked while Mulia continue to shudder. "That's one way of cutting to the chase."

Stu Leaves scurried over to Rainbow's side. "Rainbow, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" Rainbow heaved the heavy blade over her body, frowing aside. "AJ's in deep, deep doodoo!"

"But how do we even know that?"

"Isn't it obvious?!" Rainbow hissed. "Between Silver Shill's ramblings and the stuff written in the Shindig House, Serenity foalnapped all four of these chumps in order to find an heir! Now why would she have all three of them sequestered away in their own fantasy worlds if one of them was the chosen pony?!"

"Ennngh..." Gustave sat up, shaking his weary feathered crown. "...I am Error...?" WHAP! Rainbow's hoof kicked him back onto the ground. "Guhhh..."

"I'm telling you, Applejack's been taken into the deepest sphere!" Rainbow shuffled forward, dragging the weight of the sword. "Grnngh... and now it's up to us to get her out!"

"But Rainbow, even if that's true, how can we even reach Shindig?!" Stu asked. "She's gotta be locked up somewhere super hard to reach! Same with her two sons!"

"Well...?!" Rainbow swung the sword—embedding it magically into mid-air. Schlunkk! "Guess we gotta dig deep!" She shouted over her shoulder. "I mean it! If we wanna get out of here, it's gonna take the weight of all us dreamers and then some!"

"But... but..." Mulia shivered. "Shindig's the reason we all got stuck here in the first place! Do we really want to carve our way to her dream?"

"Either we're all getting out of here or we're not getting out of here at all!" Rainbow kicked the sword's hilt, shoving it deeper into a vaporous slit in midair. "Grnnngh... now who's with me?"

Stu took a deep breath, frowning "She's right! Of course she's right!" Stu trotted over, gripping the bottom edge of the sword's blue hilt and adding his weight to Raibnow's. "After all... nngh... I came here first for the very same reason she did! To get our friend out! Wouldn't you all want us to do the same for you?"

"You have done the same for us." Donut Joe smirked, trotting over and gripping the sword as well. "Count me in."

"Mmmfnngh... chuuu..." Gustave sat up again with a dumb smile. "Are the baguettes done?"

"Flap along, le Grand." Mulia smiled as she helped the griffon up and led him over to the sword. "Maybe a hop into the next dream is just the wake-up call you need."

"Grff... heeee... whatever you say, Mr. Owl."

"Epcot?!" Rainbow hollered as everyone struggled and shoved against the sword. "We could use all the help we can get!"

"Hold on! Just one second!" Epcot took a breath, stretched her forelimbs out, and gave her pink dress one last twirl. "Phweeeee..." She exiled with a rosy smile. "Okay. Now I'm good!" FLASH! She darted over, zig-zagged as a floating sphere, then landed against the very tip of the hilt with a pronounced tap!

SCRKKKK! The sword ripped towards the earth... then inexplicably yanked back up.

"Gaaaah!" All of the dreamers fell to the grass, shuddering.

"Grrrgh!" Rainbow struggled to roll back onto her hooves. "Darn it! It didn't work!"

"No! Rainbow!" Stu tapped her shoulder before pointing at the sky. "Look!"

"Huh?"

Everyone stared in dumb shock as the sun flipped over the horizon multiple times. At last, it locked into place, accompanied by a giant moon, a giant lemon, and a giant cherry.

"Uhhh..." Donut Joe blinked.

"You can't be serious..." Mulia Mild murmured.

"Heeee..." Gustave drooled, smiling through is beak. "Lemony..."

"I... uhm..." Stu Leaves scratched his head. "I don't get it."

"Quick!" Rainbow waved at the geodesic sphere. "Give it another spin!"

Epcot tapped the blade again. The sword swung like a lever, and once more the four orbs in the sky flipped and rotated like roulettes. Two suns, a cherry, and an apple appeared.

"There!" Rainbow pointed, ruby eyes bright. "That's the ticket!"

"No flippin' way," Stu cooed.

"Epcot! Again!"

"YES!" The sphere pulled the sword-lever again.

The landscape strobed as the sun was replaced by a moon, an apple, a bell, and another apple.

"I-I'm confused..." Mulia looked over her shoulder. "Are you trying to get all apples?"

"It's random!" Donut Joe moaned. "It could take forever!"

Rainbow Dash breathed... breathed... breathed... then closed her eyes.

Stu looked over. "Rainbow...?"

"Shhhh!" Rainbow clenched yer eyelids tighter. "Just gimme a second..."

As the pegasus breathed easily, she relaxed. Soon, her nostrils tickled with the scent of apple orchards. She wasn't there, but instead elsewhere, gliding over a lush farm sprinkled with crimson shapes and morning dew. Somewhere, safe from the hot sun, there was a front porch with rocking chairs. Rainbow Dash sat in one, waiting quietly, patiently. At long last, an orange shape sauntered over the hill, humming to herself in that deep, delicious voice. She carried baskets of fruit on her flank, and the gloss of sunlight brought out the sugary sheen in her freckles. Her warm emerald eyes wandered over, making contact with Rainbow's. Instantly, she put the basket down, trotted over, and took Rainbow's place on the rocking chair. Rainbow lay against her chest, drowning in fuzzy fur and dank sweat. And just when the tears began blossoming, Applejack's hoof caressed her cheek, drying them before planting the first of many... many kisses.

"Huh... what's with your wings, speedy?" Donut Joe's gruff voice rolled. "Fixing to fly somewhere?"

Rainbow ignored it. Instead, she raised a trembling hoof blindly and rasped in a dry voice. "Okay, Epcot. Now."

The air thundered with roulette wheels. Suddenly, the whole world turned red.

Rainbow opened her eyes to four crimson fruits floating in the sky above. Before them, the edge of the lodged blade glistened with bright golden light.

"Oooooh..." Gustave chanted. "The Golden Land..."

"This is it," Rainbow firmly said. "This is the doorway to where Applejack is."

"How do you know?" Mulia asked.

Stu spun about. "Only one way to find out." He gripped the sword's hilt and tore it loose.

FLAAAAAAASH! The portal opened, and all fives souls—and chaperone—gasped as they went spiraling into the inexplicable vortex, consumed by brightness.

Cider in the Sky

The first thing Rainbow Dash heard was a persistent hissing sound. A brisk, cold wind blew at her bangs, tickling her ears.

"Grnnghhff... guh..."

She stirred, trembled. Slowly, one hoof at a time, she stood up.

"Ummffh... Epcot?" she muttered. "Stu?"

There was no reply. In the distance, she heard bells ringing, followed by foghorns and the murmurs of unseen ponies.

She tried opening her eyes, only to be stabbed by a blazingly bright light.

"Gaaugh... mrmmfff..."

She raised a hoof up to rub her fuzzy muzzle. Along the way, it bumped into something.

"Huh?"

She felt her head. A pilot's cap fitted snugly around her skull, obscuring her mane. A pair of flying goggles descended from the article.

"What the..." She became aware of an unmistakable weight on her flank. She reached back and realized that her body was clad in a brass-buttoned corset. Metal rigging formed a complex array along her spine, complete with dozens of tiny steam pipes. "...buck?!"

She took a good look at herself, her ruby eyes finally adjusting to the light. Brown straps wrapped around her limbs, and the ends of her hooves were covered in tweed.

"Am I..." Rainbow couldn't help but grimace. "...wearing leather?"

A horn rippled through the air again. She heard a stallion's voice crackling, echoing through the air. "Just two days! Two days, folks! And then the Cider Princess' Coronation is at hoof!"

Thuderous cheers rolled in Rainbow's direction.

She looked straight ahead, and her jaw dropped.

A city skyline floated before her. Rainbow Dash wasn't just imagining it: the skyscrapers truly were bobbing up and down, carried aloft by propellers and massive pipes venting steam along every foundation. Lengthy chains of thick iron dangled between the buildings, ultimately attaching them to craggy mountainfaces. Rainbow realized that the cities hovered in the hollow of a massive canyon, its enormous walls stretching to the north and south of the urban oddity. Sunlight shone through the crevice, illuminating white polished brick and cinder structures with brass-laden support struts. In the very heart of the levitating city, a thick phalanx of towers shot skyward, its crooked height covered all over in serpentine, criss-crossing pipework, much like—

"A cider mill..." Rainbow blinked. Her head tilted down, as did her gaze.

She saw platforms dangling between the cities. Ponies in ornate, fashionable suits and dresses trotted back and forth across the balconies and courtyards. Romantic couples nuzzled each other besides green hedges. Parents escorted their giggling foals between shops and restaurants.

Far beyond, Rainbow spotted what looked to be balloons and darting seagulls. Only upon prolonged inspection did she realize that they were equines piloting miniature zeppelins and gliders. Some of the fliers even ascended as high as the upper skyscrapers, retracting their machines' leather wings so that they could land and drop off supplies. The larger dirigibles gathered in the center of the city, landing on large square platforms and unloading what looked to be barrels of cider.

"AJ?" Rainbow Dash stammered, blinking. "What kind of a dream is this—?" Just then, she silenced herself, recalling a scant memory from reality. When she was in Shindig's home, she had seen a small scale model of a city, complete with large pinwheels and complex pipework. "This isn't Applejack's dream," she muttered. Her ears folded back. "This is Shindig's..."

Faint music fought against the puttering ambience of the steam-powered city.

Rainbow Dash craned her neck to look. She caught a good glimpse of a central courtyard surrounded by massive sksycrapers. Along the tall buildings, several tall banners hung, rippling in the wind. These banners all depicted an elegant mare's smiling face. There was no doubt that it was the most gorgeous illustration of a pony that Rainbow Dash had ever seen. She soon realized why.

"Applejack...?!" Rainbow trotted towards the edge of the platform she had awoken on. No matter how long she gawked, it couldn't change the fact that the majestic illustration had an umistakable pair of emerald eyes, a tell-tale smattering of freckles, and a golden blonde mane hiked up in a royal updo. "...I... I don't get it. What... why...?"

FWOOOSH! With roaring engines, a steam-powered gyrocopter levitated up, hovering parallel to where Rainbow Dash stood. Two ponies in police uniforms glared her way with flickering goggles. "Is that her?!" the pony in the rear seat stammered.

"Yeah, that's her, alright!" the pilot in the front muttered. He pumped his hoof in the air.

FW-FWOOOSH! Two more gyocropters levitated, surrounding Rainbow Dash's platform on all sides. One officer spoke into a megaphone, shouting: "HALT, BLUE JAY! NOT ANOTHER MOVER!"

"BY ORDER OF QUEEN SERENITY SHINDIG, BLUE JAY, YOU ARE HEREBY UNDER ARREST FOR YOUR INNUMERABLE CRIMES AGAINST THE EMPIRE!"

"DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RESIST!"

Rainbow Dash gulped. "Hoboy..."

Will the Cider Be Unbroken?

"REPEAT. DO NOT MOVE FROM WHERE YOU ARE."

Rainbow Dash gnashed her teeth. "These punks must have been 'dreamed' yesterday." She squatted low, flexing her muscles. "Buck this noise like yesterday's body pillow..."

One of the officers on the nearest gyrocopter gasped. "The Blue Jay's preparing to fly away!"

"HALT! THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING!"

"Sniff you jerks later!" Rainbow shouted.

Th-Thwickkk! A pair of steel-reinforced leather wings swung out from either side of her corset. Rainbow Dash looked back and did a double-take at the ridiculously artificial limbs. "What in the spit?!"

"SNKKT! SHOOT HER! SHOOT HERRRRR!"

Rainbow winced. "Omigoshomigoshomisgosh!" She plunged forward. Then, unexpectedly, a pair of steam rockets roared to life on either side of her flanks. "Gaaaaaaaaaaaaiiie!"

She threaded furiously through the gyrocopters, missing their beating blades by a hair's width. The uniformed stallions on board gasped as their vehicles reeled from her steam output. Without wasting a second, they pivoted around and swooped after her, sirens shrieking.

"Uhhhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash twitched, spiraling in mid-air as buildings and pipes and smokestacks blurred past her. "Uhhhhhhhh!"

Her wildly-firing steam thrusters shoved her through the narrow and narrower spaces between skyscrapers. Families in the courtyards gasped and lovers flinched atop their balconies. Rainbow pulled up with her ornately-constructed wings, barely avoiding a messy, splattering end across the bricklaid platforms below. Entire throngs of citizens ducked low, coattails and crinoline skirts billowing from the breeze of the dreamer's rocketing flyby.

"Gaaaaaaaaaaah!" Rainbow flailed, twirling more wildly. Up ahead, she saw a tight array of steam pipes clinging to a hovering building-face. "Mmmmmmm!" Biting her lip to the point of bleeding, Rainbow crossed her forelimbs over her face. Bzzzzzzzzt! To her surprise, a pair of fetlock bracers came to life, extending tiny steam-powered chainsaws. CL-Cl-CL-CL-CLACKKK! The rotating blades lopped the pipes ahead of her cleanly in twain, carving a tiny path for the mare's runaway body to fly through freely.

Behind her, the pursuing gyrocopters were engulfed in violent gusts of steam. The officers on board sputtered for breath, swerving every-which-way to avoid the cloud. Inadvertently, they collided with one another. Blades shattered as their heavy crafts plunged towards the platforms below, losing Rainbow Dash entirely.

Wheezing for breath, Rainbow Dash tilted her body up, rocketing skyward. She jerked left and right, shrieking, doing her best to avoid innumerable flagposts and waving banners as she scaled the summit of a towering skyscraper.

"Come on... turn off, ya stupid fart tubes!" She shook her hind quarters, reaching a hoof back to smack the steam cylinders. Whack! Clang! "I mean it! Shut. OFF."

At last, with a lone sputtering sound, the engines dulled. Rainbow drifted upwards in dull silence.

"Whew..."

The skyscraper blurred to a stop. Rainbow felt her inner organs shifting with the tug of gravity.

"Wuh oh..."

Rainbow's mane flew forward as she fell, toppeled, and plunged straight back down, hooves flailing.

"I didn't mean it! Honest!" her voice cracked as she sailed past balconies full of gaping, wide-eyed citizens. "Turn back on! Turn back--"

The mare gasped. Several thick, dangling chains loomed right beneath her, criss-crossing beneath her shadow.

"Ah jeez... ah jeez! Uhhh..." Rainbow's hooves drifted close to a building. With a gasp, she briskly kicked against the speeding face of the structure, shoving herself forward. "Glide!"

Her leather wing-constructs caught the breeze, and she sliced forward through the air.

"Uhhh... aaaaah!" Rainbow nevertheless flinched as the forest of criss-crossing chains whipped past her. Thw-thw-thw-thwisssh! She sliced her way past them, being grazed on more than one occasion. At last, she spotted a warehouse looming ahead, and below it: nothing but a dark canyon floor full of jagged rocks. "Come onnnn! Make it!"

FWOOOOSH! Rainbow Dash shot straight for the warehouse's lower balcony... and struck a window instead.

SMASSSSH!

Rainbow flew into a dark-lit storage room, flew past several racks full of metal engine parts, and slid across the concrete floor.

"Guhhh--"

She rolled, toppled, and landed upside-down against the wall on the opposite end. WHUD!

"Ooomf!" Her whole body winced. Seconds passed. She unclenched her eyes, staring up-side down at the trail of dust and steam lingering between where she lay and the smashed window full of bright sunlight. "... ... ..." At last, her body relaxed. "...whew."

PFFFFT! Her flanks' steam thrusters belatedly powered up, shoving her into a stack of metal nick-nacks.

"Oh come on--!!!"

SMASSSH! The shelf collapsed entirely, piling crates and supply boxes high on top of her. Rainbow winced, her eyes rolling back as she surrendered to the pressure, falling unconscious.

"Unnngh..."

The last thing she consciously remembered was the sound of a metal door sliding open, followed by fervent hoofsteps headed her way... and then a gasping noise.

All went dark.

Apple Figments

Consciousness returned to Rainbow with a wet, moist cloth to her forehead. The pegasus stirred with a slight trilling sound. A rough mattress lay beneath her.

"There there, young'n... you took one mighty big tumble," whispered a hoarse voice. Rainbow felt the cloth gliding soothingly across her fuzzy forehead. "Just rest up now and we'll get ya back on yer hooves sooner than you think."

"MMmmm..." Rainbow's lips pursed. "Apple... Applejack...?"

"Hmmm?" The cloth lifted from her forehead for a moment. "There used to be apples here, darlin', but no more. I ain't ever heard of no 'applejack.'"

Rainbow's left eye opened, then her right. A wrinkled green figure squatted beside her, bathed in candlelight.

With a gasp, Rainbow shot up in bed. "Granny?! Granny Smith?!"

"Eh?" The gray-mane'd mare cocked her head aside, squinting. "Who, now?"

"You're Granny Smith!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "Granny, where's Applejack?!" She instantly winced, feeling pain running up and down her body, sandwiched in the tight leather-and-brass corset. "Unnngh..."

"Now what did I just tell ya, speedy?" Granny Smith smirked, laying Rainbow Dash back across the mattress. "Ain't no sense in trottin' about if yer all rattled up inside!"

"I... I don't understand..." Rainbow panted, gazing aside. She spotted piles of empty crates, beds of hay, and a table full of metal nick-nacks all across a rustic warehouse. In the corner, where she lay, was a desk with books, ledges, and a smattering of family photos featuring the floating city. "If you're not Granny Smith, then... then who are you?"

"Rose Letter," the mare said. "Just an ol' mare stuck down here in the Packaging District. Still. Eheheh..." The mare groaned slightly as she got up, her old bones creaking. "...funny that you should be spittin' the word 'apple' out, left and right. We sure did used to sell them thangs. Harvest 'em too. But... but that was long before Shindig's sons took over."

"Flim... Flam..." Rainbow gulped. Then her brow furrowed. "Wait... what do you mean by 'we?'"

Just then, a door burst open at the far end of the warehouse. Two figures trotted in from the brightly lit canyon air: a tiny filly and a massive stallion.

"Rose! Good news!" chirped a familiar young voice. Rainbow spotted a yellow coat beneath a pinstriped red-and-white dress. "The Gearshift Sisters wanna buy our latest stock! All we need to do is make the delivery by sundown and we can afford to eat next week!"

"Why, butter my biscuits and throw me to the seagulls!" The elder pony cackled. "That be the darnedest, happiest news I heard all week! Way to go, Fetters!"

"Well, it wasn't all my doing," the little filly giggled. "Most of the thanks goes to Billy Club here for puttin' on his stallion charm."

"Heheh..." The large pony winked. "Eeeyup."

"Apple Bloom?" Rainbow wheezed. "Big Macintosh?"

The little filly looked over. "How's our guest?"

"Oh, must have hit her head really hard," Rose Letter said. "She woke up, spoutin' nonsense about apples and 'Granny Smith.'"

"Apples, huh?" The filly trotted over, bearing Apple Bloom's unmistakable red mane and amber eyes. "Well, I'm afraid you showed up a tad bit too late, Blue Jay. But that's okay! We're gonna take care of you! Ain't nopony gonna know you're here!"

"Eenope," the stallion shook his head, standing in a brown workshirt with black breeches.

"You... you guys..." Rainbow rolled over to her side, propping her head up. "...really don't know the names 'Apple Bloom' or 'Macintosh?'"

"Why?" Fetters leaned back, blinking. "Is that the name of a steam vendor or somethin'? Cuz we know all the lower districts left and right and we ain't ever heard those names!"

"I'm tellin' ya, child, she's weary in the noggin'," Rose Letter said, gesturing with a hoof. "She probably dun even know who she is."

Fetters gasped wide. "You mean you've forgotten that you're the Blue Jay!"

"The who now?" Rainbow winced.

"The Blue Jay! Who else could ya be?" Fetters pointed. "Rainbow mane... blue coat... raspy voice..."

"Watch it," Rainbow droned.

"Heehee... you're like a flyin' trademark! I think it's just awesome how you never re-dye yer features, considerin' how many wanted posters are plastered all over town with yer face on it."

"Wanted... posters...?"

"Eeyup!" chirped the stallion.

Rainbow squinted. "Wanted for what?"

Fetters smirked. "Are ya serious? Ya dun remember all those times ya raided Queen Shindig's Royal Warehouses? Steelin' all them provisions and givin' them to the lower districts?"

"Let her rest, darlin'," Rose Letter said. "Maybe if she done forget all that, then she won't be pickin' up the habit again anytime soon." The old mare sighed, shuffling through paper ledgers on a desk. "Best she dun learn the hard way not to cross Flim and Flam... like we did."

"But... but she's so awesome!" Fetters pouted. "The way she sticks it to the Mare!"

"I'm... some sort of Robin Hay character?" Rainbow blinked. "Who's idea was that?"

"Well... yers, I'm bettin'!" Fetters blinked. "Yer a real inspiration to all of us livin' down in the Packing District."

Rainbow rubbed her forehead, wincing. "So... you guys are here, but under different names. And I'm here as... some sort of awesome bandit character." She gulped. "What if... what if Shindig, Flim, and Flam aren't the only ones dreaming here?" Rainbow squinted at the group. "I think I might be staring at a bit of Applejack..."

"Heh... ya weren't kiddin' when you said she was loopy, Rose," Fetters said. "I guess those coppers gave her a real run for the money."

Rainbow sat up. "You guys seriously haven't heard anything about an 'Applejack?'"

"Eenope."

"Sorry, darlin'," Rose said. "Can't say that we have." Her wrinkly face frowned. "'Course, we all know about an Apple Jewell."

"Apple... Jewell...?"

"Yeah! Y'know!" Fetters chirped. "The Queen's new, gorgeous heir?"

"... ... ..."

"Pfft! The Cider Princess, ya silly pony!" Fetters stuck her tongue out. "Didn't you steal from her royal wardrobe twice in the last week? Heehee! Just in time to sour the coronation too!"

"Apple Jewell..." Rainbow fell back on the mattress. She clenched her teeth. "Ahhhhh jeez..."

Slice of Sky

"Are ya sure you won't stay?" Fetters asked, standing next to the old mare and the stallion as all three familiar figures gazed out of the warehouse.

"Oh, I'm sure," Rainbow Dash said, wrapping a brown cloak around herself. "I've got... uh... a whole bunch of Blue Jaying to do, y'know?"

"Well, that's mighty fine if ya think yer healthy enough." Rose Letter squinted, rasping in Granny Smith's trademark drawl. "But if anypony of Shindig's ask, we ain't never saw ya!"

"Yeah, I get it. I owe you big time for hiding me." Rainbow smirked and shook a hoof from under her cloak. "And for the threads."

"Still, for what it's worth," Fetters said, waving a tiny hoof as she smiled. "Best of luck! Yer an inspiration for all of us down here!"

"Eeeyup!" The stallion waved.

"Right. I'll... uh... try and make you proud!" Rainbow waved back.

Shadows drifted over the wind-swept walkway. Rainbow looked straight up. She saw a trio of gyrocopters soaring overhead. At that same time, she heard a slamming door. She turned to look back at the warehouse.

The door was shut. All three ponies were gone.

"Mmmmm..." Rainbow's nostrils flared. She wrapped a hood over her colorful head and trotted up an inclined plank being hung from massive chains. "...here's hoping Applejack fantasizes often about machine guns. I'm gonna need all the oomf I can get..."

When Rainbow Dash reached the mid-level platforms of the floating city, she paused by several chain-linked junctions, gawking out from beneath her hood. There was virtually no sign of the violent pursuit that had pierced the air streams just hours previous. If there were any shredded gyrocopter parts lying about, they were nowhere to be seen. Rainbow imagined that they must have been swept up. But even if that was the case, it didn't explain just how... placid the entire city felt.

Ponies trotted back and forth, smiling and jubilant, talkative and merry. They gathered around on floating street corners, pausing to gossip and giggle over the various going-ons of the day. Rainbow spotted mares in frilly dresses with tight corsets and long skirts. She also saw stallions in straight-laced suits, sporting beards, mustaches, and a crazy assortment of derby hats.

Hearing a noise to her left, she glanced aside. A workhorse tossed several crates into a wagon before casually walking off the platform's edge. He plunged swiftly into the canyon... only to re-emerge seconds later with steam jets affixed to his flank. Levitating, the earth pony attached himself to the wagon and carried it off to the lower packing districts.

Rainbow Dash blinked. She slowly trotted forward, her ears twitching from beneath her hood. At the sound of music, she glanced to her left.

A floating stage levitated off a nearby platform, carried aloft by propellers and several chains attached to the distant walls. A choir of mares and stallions sang while a conductor waved his forelimbs, his back to an applauding audience of aristocratic equines.

A voice shouted behind Rainbow's back. She shuffled around, peering from beneath her hood.

A mustached stallion stood on a box at the corner of two floating bank buildings and loudly addressed a crowd of families gathered before him. "There is no entrance fee whatsoever, Fillies and Gentlecolts!" He pointed at a banner featuring a familiar blonde mare's beautiful face and freckles. "Each and every living citizen of Philanthropy is allowed in the Citrus Stadium on the morning of the Cider Princess' Coronation two days from now! All you need is to dress appropriately, and then you can check yourselves in at the door! All courtesy of the most industrious sons of Shindig: Frederick Flim and Felix Flam!" The ponies gathered before him clapped and cheered.

Rainbow Dash's eyes narrowed. "Philanthropy..."

"Extra! Extra! Read all about it!" chirped a young voice from the other side of the sun-lit platform. "After a Close Scrape With Justice, the Notorious Blue Jay is Still at Large! Read about the Shindig Sons' proposed plan to stop this masquerading menace once and for all!"

"Pffft..." Rainbow twirled about. "Now there's a paper desperate to sell bits--" Her eyes blinked. "Apple Bloom?"

The newsy tilted her cap up, squinting curiously at the mare. "Huh? Who's 'Apple Bloom?'"

"Er... Fetters, I mean," Rainbow said. "How'd you get up here so quickly?"

"Look, lady, the name's Scraps." The filly's yellow face scrunched into a frown. "Do you wanna buy a paper or not?"

"Er... no thanks. I'm uh..." Rainbow backtrotted. "...I'm caught up to day, sort of--"

Whump! She bumped into a gown'd mare navigating the sidewalk. "Hmmph! Excuse you!" the mare huffed.

"Er... s-sorry..." Rainbow spun about, adjusting her hood. "I didn't see you there..." She gawked. "...Rarity?!"

The mare frowned, fanning herself with a bare hoof. "Well, I'd say!" She tossed her purple mane back and glared. "It's certainly a rarity to run into such riff-raff!"

"You mean you're name's not...?" Rainbow's voice stopped as soon as her eyes tilted up.

The white pony had no horn on her forehead. "Unf! Stop staring or I shall call the coppers on you!" The mare shuffled off, nose tilted up. "Hooligan!"

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow Dash peered about, blinking nervously.

Across the street, she spotted Twilight Sparkle--sans horn--sitting at a table and chatting with another Granny Smith. Two blocks down, a Fluttershy without wings slid out of a book store, trotting alongside yet another Rarity. Across the way, a pair of Big Macintoshes were carrying a dresser in from a wagon and into a three story floating building.

Rainbow's ears drooped. "I... uh..." She tightened her hood and shuffled into the nearest alleyway, shuddering under the cover of shade. "...I think I'm gonna need some cold water..."

Infitrots

Wooden doors swung open.

Everypony in the saloon looked at the entrance. The bartender paused in wiping her glass clean. Several poker-playing equines looked up from their tables in mid-game. A few drunken souls paused in hobbling to glance over from the dimly-lit corner of the establishment.

Rainbow Dash lingered in the doorframe, reeling slightly in her cloak. She bit her lip upon feeling every set of eyes on her. Adjusting her hood, she shuffled over towards the bar counter. Gradually, the patrons resumed what they were doing, filling the air with a murmuring soundtrack.

When Rainbow reached the first of many stools, she turned to look at the patrons at large.

Most of them were random faces that she couldn't be helped to recognize. However—at every other table or so—she spotted familiar shades of lavender, pink, yellow, and white. An elegant Rarity leaned against a piano, garbed in suggestive laces and feathers. Across from her, a surly Fluttershy with an eyepatch stared deeply into her mug. A drunken Twilight Sparkle lingered near the far wall, hiccuping and smiling dumbly.

"... ... ..." Rainbow turned to looked over the counter.

"So, stranger... what will it be?" chirped a familiar voice.

Rainbow opened her mouth, but lingered.

The bartender looked up, her blue eyes blinking under a bubbly tuft of curly pink mane hair. She paused in wiping the counter. "What are you looking at, filly?" She snorted. "You're supposed to walk out of here crocked, not the other way around!"

Rainbow tightened her jaw muscles. She leaned in. "I guess your name isn't Pinkie Pie, is it?"

"Pffft. If you're looking for a working girl, that's somewhere down the street, lady." The bartender gestured at the musty interior. "This here's a clean establishment!"

"Mrmfff.. yeah... I bet."

"Look, are you gonna have a drink or aren't you?"

"Whatever," Rainbow muttered, turning to glare across the saloon once again. No single pony had a horn or wings. "Just gimme something cold... with ice."

"That's more like it." The salmon pony scurried behind the counter. "Ice cold cider coming up—"

"No!" Rainbow barked, forcing the patrons to glance at her yet again. "Anything but cider..." Rainbow shuddered. "Just... just cold water."

The bartender raised an eyebrow. Nevertheless, she eventually nodded. "Oki doki loki..."

As she trotted off, Rainbow sat on a stool, shuddering "Now that's creepy..." She turned and looked out the entrance from which she came.

In the dark alleyway outside, brieft gusts of wind blew at dust and debris. A poster bearing Flim and Flam's faces rolled in and out of view, disappearing beyond the brickwork.

Rainbow exhaled heavily. "Okay... so Shindig's dream is a giant flying city... which is not made of clouds." Her nostrils flared. "Which is totally stupid, by the way." She looked back inside the saloon. "And it's full of ponies that Applejack knows." She blinked. "Except me." She looked left and right again, once more not spotting any equine with an azure blue coat. "Just why is that? Because I'm actually here? Or..." She gulped. "Do I just not mean that much to her?"

"Here you go, stranger." The bartender with Pinkie's mane slid an ice cold glass of water over to the mare. "You... uh... enjoy talking to yourself, now, ya hear?" With that, she shuffled nervously away.

Rainbow gripped the container and raised it to her lips. "But why are all of Applejack's friends and family appearing anyways? Is she... dreaming against Shindig's dream? Imagining upstream, so to speak?"

She took a sip of the glass, reveling in the cool, cold taste. However, she paused.

"... ... ...wait, why would I even need to feel parched?" Rainbow squinted. "I mean... this is a dream, isn't it?" She shuddered in place, her hood rustling across the back of her head. "What in the heck is going on here, anyways?"

Just then, a loud commotion rolled through the nearby alleyway. Several patrons glanced out ahead of Rainbow Dash. She swiveled about as well—just in time to see—

"Lemme go! Lemme go!" A portly stallion grunted, thrashing about in a disheveled suit as several more ponies wrangled him in from outside. "This has gotta be some kind of a mistake!"

"It's no mistake, ya money-grabbing punk!" One of the stallions shoved his head against the wall as he and his buddies roughly restrained him. "We saw you robbing from other ponies two platforms down! You're in league with the Blue Jay!"

"Who in the heck is the Blue Jay?!"

"Hey!" The bartender shouted. "Trotston! Merrytail! What in the blazes is the meaning of this?!"

"Today's your lucky day, Whiterag!" A doppelganger of Filthy Rich turned towards the bartender, grinning. "We've caught ourselves a featherling! This punk's got the Blue Jay written all over him!"

"Yeah!" Another stallion beamed. "We're gonna fetch us one heck of a reward! It'll feed all our families well past Coronation Day!"

"Look, I don't even know how I got here!" the stallion sputtered, tossing his brown mane back as he gnashed his teeth. "Could I just talk to somepony in charge?"

"Heh... brother, you don't want to speak to the ones in charge."

Rainbow leaned forward, squinting. At last, a breath left her. "....Donut Joe?"

Barring a Fight

"No hard feelings, featherling," a bar patron said, trotting up and smirking into Donut Joe's face. "We all think it's snazzy how your beloved Blue Jay sticks it to the Mare. But, let's face it, you're on the losing side." Several other stallions chuckled as he said, "And we know a good jackpot when we see it."

"Grrrr..." Donut Joe thrashed and struggled in the other stallions' grasp. "If I only had my horn, I'd totally—" WHAM! A hoof flew across his face, and he spat blood.

"Hah! Horn?!" The doppelganger of Filthy Rich rubbed his forelimb after punching him. "Only Shindig and her sons can use magic, you stupid oats huffer!" He turned to chuckle over his shoulders at the other ponies. "Get a load of this guy! Heh! Guess once you're part of the Blue Jay's flock, you start to believe you're invincible!"

"Mmmmfff..." Donut Joe gnashed his teeth behind a welted face. "Buncha crazy mooks. All of you." He spat. "Your whole world is a dream of make-believe. Let's see you smiling and laughing when you all cease to exist."

"Ohhhhhhh... tough guy!" The doppelganger leaned in again. "Let's see how philosophical you get without your teeth." He raised his hoof to strike Donut again.

Whap! A blue forelimb held him in place.

Filthy Rich looked over, eyes squinting. "Look, lady, if I wanted a flank dance, I'd have paid you already—"

Rainbow twirled, tripped the stallion, then bucked his falling body in the side. WHUD!

Filthy Rich bounced off a table, crashed glass mugs everywhere, and smashed into a piano across the way. Ivory keys fell around his collapsed, groaning body. Meanwhile, several gasping patrons stood up, glaring Rainbow's way.

"... ... ..." Eyes icy, Rainbow peered around to face the stallions gathered around Donut Joe. "Let him go, and I might think twice about painting the walls of this place with your saliva."

"Lady..." One stallion cracked his neck and trotted forward. "You sure picked the wrong alleyway to trounce down—"

WHUMP! Rainbow Dash rushed forward, headbutting him in the chest. She uppercutted, grabbed his body, and flung it into a gruop of stallions.

One stallion rushed in, swinging for Rainbow Dash. She ducked, and his hoof caught a swath of her cloak, stripping her. The mare's leather-and-metal wings extended in open view of everypony, summoning gasps from every end of the saloon.

"The Blue Jay!" A collapsed stallion sputtered.

"It's... it's really her!"

Donut Joe squinted. "...Rainbow Dash?"

"Joe..." Rainbow looked every which way. She found a stack of plates on the bar counter and knocked one platter loose, tossing it into Donut's grasp. "How's your 'video game warrior' muscle memory?"

"Uhm... still fresh, I suppose—"

"Good!" Rainbow charged forward. "Use it!" She plowed into a group of drunken patrons before they could swing their hooves at her. With wings spread, she tripped several stallions to the ground and knocked more through crashing tables.

"Ah jeez!" Donut Joe winced. He saw a stallion rushing his way, and he flung the plate expertly into the wincing assailant's face. As the saloon exploded into a violent melee all around him, he stripped the plates off the counter, one by one, and began flinging them at random, ricocheting them off the skulls of various patrons.

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash slid, bounced, and cartwheeled through the crowd, incapacitating as many stallions as she could with a flurry of pegasus attacks. At one point, two stallions grabbed her from behind. One yelped as a platter bounced off his skull. Rainbow flew his weight off, twirled, and bucked the second through the tavern window. As a few more charged, she jumped high, grabbed a hanging light fixture, swung, and glided into another group, plowing them to the floor.

"Hah!" Donut Joe grinned, knocking more and more skulls together with his tossed plates. "Hah! Take that! And that! Hahahah!" He grinned wide. "I think I'm actually getting the hang of this!"

Ch-Chtung! The bartender suddenly marched around the corner, standing on her rear hooves as she held an enormous metal gatling gun in her front limbs. "Okay... I've had about all I can take of you losers!" she barked in Pinkie Pie's voice. The barrel began whirring. "If this damn establishment's gonna get wasted again, it'll be on all your corpses!"

"Uhhhhhhh..." Donut stammered. "Rainbow?! Or... Blue Jay?!"

Rainbow spun around. Her ruby eyes widened. She back-punched a thug, glided across the saloon, and yanked Donut Joe off his hooves.

"Whoah—!" Donut yelped as Rainbow flung the two of them out a shattered window.

RAT-A-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!

Patrons shrieked and galloped for their lives as a thousand potholes filled the floor and walls of the place. Bullets ricocheted and sparks flew. Several of the projectiles even entered the street as stallions and mares ran for their lives. Rainbow scurried down the dark alleyway, tugging Donut Joe with her as they made for a distant side-street.

Meanwhile the bartender hobbled out, holding her gun. "And don't come back until you can pay for your tabs!" She spat at the cobblestone floor, sighed, then twirled around. "Mmmmffgh... Shindig help me... I should have moved into a giant city underwater..."

At last, Rainbow Dash and Donut Joe skidded to a stop, hiding between two massive apartment complexes. The sounds of large whirring propellors and steam vents echoed down the thin slits between buildings.

As the ponies gathered there breaths, it was Donut Joe who spoke first.

"Rainbow Dash... I'm so glad to see you..."

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow gulped and panted. "I wish it could have been more awesome circumstances.

"You kidding?" Donut Joe wheezed. "That's about as spectacular a rescue as any pony could have pulled!"

"Except that I'm not quite my spectacular self!" Rainbow Dash pointed at her back. "See?" She spread the fake wings extending from her corset and tucked some hairs in beneath her leather helmet. "It feels like I'm in a straight jacket trying to do gymnastics."

"You too, eh?" Joe blinked, running a hoof over his naked brow. "I'm telling you—I'm no fan of what this dream has done to me. Never thought I'd end up a worthless earth pony."

"Hey." Rainbow frowned. "Watch it."

"Pfft? What?" Donut Joe smirked. "Somepony have dirt fever?"

Rainbow merely glared.

Joe gulped. "Still... in any case... thanks for helping me out. For realz." He rubbed his cheek, spotting the blood still leaking onto his hoof. "I... I didn't know that this dreamworld place could hurt us like this."

"That's because it's not our dreamworld," Rainbow grunted, squinting down the narrow alleyway. She spotted nothing but a sliver of sunlight and clouds in the distance. "This was all conjured up by Serenity Shindig... or her sons... or all three of them."

"So, like, we're in their brain prison or something?"

"I guess," Rainbow muttered. "Whatever the case, it's made us powerless. Well.. relatively." She looked over at him. "Have you seen the others?"

"What? You mean like Mulia, Gustave, and your pegasus pal?"

Rainbow gulped. "Or Epcot?"

"Is that what the little ball girl is called?"

"Well? Have you seen her?" Rainbow blinked. "Or the others?"

Donut Joe shook his head. "Sorry, Rainbow. I woke up in this library place. And the moment I showed my face, everypony kept claiming I was a 'featherling bandit, loyal to Blue Jay.'" He smirked. "Who'd a thunk it! It's you!"

"I'm not the Blue Jay," Rainbow muttered.

"Well, ain't you?" Donut pointed at her wings. "You've got the glider thingies! And your mug is on every poster across town—"

"What I mean, Joe, is that I just got here too!" Rainbow grumbled. "I haven't done any of the Blue Jay stuff!" She sighed, eyes narrowing. "I think the dream recognizes us as foreign bodies, so it's having us occupy the roles of bad guys."

"Well... pffft... in a place this rotten, doesn't that make us 'good guys?'"

"Whatever," Rainbow sighed. "All I know is, everything about this place is dangerous and made up." She gulped. "Except for Applejack."

"Huh? You mean that friend of yours you and Stu have been looking for?"

"She's the Cider Princess," Rainbow said. "And her Coronation is in two days."

"What the hay does that mean for her and us?"

"I don't know." Rainbow gripped her jaw tight and trotted forward. "But somehow, I think we have to stop it. Cuz it can't be good."

"And how do we expect to do that?!" Joe sputtered, shuffling after the mare.

"First thing's first," Rainbow said, brow furrowed. "We find the others..."

Balls

"So, here's what I can't figure out," Donut Joe muttered as the two descended a dangling flight of stairs between two shadowed platforms. Ducking jets of steam from nearby thrusters, he and Rainbow Dash entered the seedy underbelly of a levitating urban district. "This is some sort of dream world, right?"

"Right."

"And—in reality—we're all just unconscious ponies strapped to beds or chairs or what-not, right?"

"Right..." Rainbow peered left and right as they trotted down a grimy tunnel full of shanty vendors, burning oil drums, and wheezing riff-raff. "So... like... why in the heck would Shindig wanna take one of us—in this case Applejack—and turn her into some sort of 'cider princess?' I mean... what in the heck does this 'coronation' even entail?"

"It's more than a coronation," Rainbow said. "They don't just want Applejack to be some sort of heir apparent to Shindig's title or something."

"Then what the heck do they want?"

Rainbow sighed as the two passed by a series of impoverished pony squatting in a corner and rolling die in a rowdy fashion. "From what I heard, this dangling city in the middle of the ravine has a name: 'Philanthropy.'"

"Ew. That's a damn stupid name."

"Yeah, well, it has a damn stupid connection," Rainbow droned. "Shindig's late husband went by it."

"No kiddin'?"

"He died several years ago. And I think..." Rainbow's ears twitched. "...I think she's trying to bring him back somehow."

"You mean... back to life?!" Donut Joe cackled loudly.

"Shhhhh!" Rainbow motioned, and the two slid behind a metal partitioned, hidden from the rest of the shuffling pedestrians. "This dreamscape wasn't built by mere mortals. It involved a coming together of alicorns and an incredibly talented sorceror. It's more than just some... representation of subconsciousness. This place has a connection with the very fabric of life and death!" Rainbow exclaimed. "Not to mention the thin fabric that separates universes and stuff."

"Yeesh..." Donut Joe winced. "That's some mind-blowin' crap! How'd you find this all out?"

Rainbow sighed, glaring worriedly out into the fire-lit hovels. "Not on my own..."

"So, uhhhh..." Joe shuffled. "Is Shindig somehow fixing to make contact with her dead husband somehow?"

"Possibly... maybe..."

"What's your friend Applejack have to do with that?"

"I... I-I think Shindig's prepared to trade one soul for another," Rainbow said. "She brought all four of you to her farm to see who was most compatible. Seems like she's made her choice."

"Heh... I don't think I could have made a very good cider princess." Joe blinked. "Even still, what does this mean for Applejack?"

"I shudder to think."

"Well..." Donut Joe clenched his jaw into a tight frown. "We can't let that happen, now can we?"

"Right." Rainbow nodded. "Which is why we gotta figure out how to stop the coronation, but—Blue Jay or not—I can't do this with just one other pony helping me."

"Uhmmmm..." A young voice chirped.

Rainbow and Joe looked down.

A red-mane'd filly in rags tugged on Rainbow's tail and blinked up at her. "Are you the Blue Jay?"

"Uhhhh..." Joe shuffled. "It's just a costume, kid. Trust me! She ain't even remotely the most wanted pony in all of Philanthrop—"

Rainbow pressed her hoof over his muzzle. "Yeah, kid! I'm the Blue Jay!" She smirked. "What of it?"

Joe gave her a cockeyed glance.

"There's something you may want to see!" the filly said. Then, with a flicker of red tail hairs, she spun and galloped down the miserable passageway. "Come! Quickly!"

Donut Joe shoved Rainbow's hoof away. "What gives, Rainbow? I thought we were trying to lay low!"

"Shhhh!" Rainbow motioned as she galloped swiftly after the filly. "This is different. I think she's going to lead us to something important."

"What in the hay makes you think that?"

"Cuz she's Apple Bloom," Rainbow said, eyes thin. "Or at least... one of them."

"Huh?"

"Have you noticed that several of the ponies here in Philanthropy look exactly the same?"

"Y'know, now that you mention it..."

"Well, I'll tell you why." Rainbow skirted around the bend, following the swift little figure ahead of them. "They're all copies of ponies whom Applejack knows in real life. And that was her young sister just now."

"For real?"

"I've met more than one Apple Bloom already," Rainbow said. "And... s-something tells me that if she's trying to gather our attention, it's for a good reason."

"You think Applejack is reaching out to us?"

"I dunno. Something like that."

"Where the heck is she leading us?"

"Shhh!" Rainbow crouched low and snuck ahead, spotting the filly crouched in front of a dilapidated shop made out of rusted metal shingles. "Let's see if she's got an explanation..."

The Apple Bloom doppelganger squatted beneath a window'd partition. She motioned Rainbow over, then pointed inside. Rainbow slid her leather-clad body along the front of the shop, hearing the muffled gaggle of gruff voices. Once she was close enough, she peered over the corner of the window frame.

Several stallions stood around a table, laughing, smoking, and poking at a metal cage positioned atop the platform.

"What powers it, do ya think?"

"Beats the Hell out of me! Maybe magic! You never know what's beyond the canyon walls!"

"I'm telling you, it's featherling craft! Ain't no way in Hell the Queen would let this roam the streets!"

"How'd you catch it anyway?"

"Pfft! I saw it lying in a gutter! Only after I'd tried shoving it in my locker did it start farting around and spitting steam!"

"Is the thing alive?"

"Pfft! Who cares?! I'm auctioning this off in the black market the first chance I get!"

"Heh... that'll fetch you some pretty coin! Count me in!"

"Pfft! Buck you! This is my fine!"

"Yeah, well it's my cage!"

"Grrrrr... why I oughta..."

In the center of the group, Rainbow could spot a spherical object made of bent pipes and riveted iron plates. The object glowed with amber firelight from within, then lifted up with various puffs of steam. It rattled against the bars of the cage, as if desperate to soar out and flitter into the upper streets of Philanthropy. As it shook and struggled some more, it crackled with a sound that resembled a voice emanating inside a phonograph: "NO. NO. NO."

Rainbow Dash gasped. A hint of a smile hung off her muzzle for the first time in hours. "Epcot..."

"I g-gotta go...!" The little Apple Bloom copy shuffled off.

"Wait wait wait!" Rainbow Dash waved at her. "Why... why'd you show this to me?"

The little filly shivered slightly. "You're the Blue Jay... I figured that only something that awesome could be associated with you."

Rainbow blinked.

"I was n-never here!" And the child bounded off.

"Well, that was weird," Donut Joe muttered. "Still, there's too many thugs in there." He made to trot back into the shadows. "Let's make like the wind and—"

"Get your butt back here!" Rainbow snarled. "We're going to save Epcot."

"But there are—like—a dozen punks with baseball bats and knives and—!"

GRIP! Rainbow hoisted him towards her with an angry hoof and growled viciously into his muzzle. "We. Are going. To save. Epcot."

Donut Joe gulped. "Y-yes ma'am!" he whimpered in a shrill voice.

Was There Ever Any Doubt?

Surly ponies crowded around the caged sphere, their flanks to a pair of figures shuffling stealthily their way.

"You know what? Buck auctioneering! I'd say we should scrap this thing!"

"Like you know how to scrap anything, ya melon fudge."

"I do! I used to work on the steam stations up in Rail District!"

"Well, let's say you do. What then? We don't even know what's inside this damn thing!"

"It could blow up for all we care."

"Hah! I wouldn't mind! Collecting that kind of insurance would make me a king! Besides, this crummy place could use a face lift!"

"Come on, guys! Let's be serious! The only way we're ever gonna get any money out of this thing is if we take it to the next auction in pristine shape. So stop spitting on it already!"

"I'm telling you, if we take this apart, we can make so much awesome stuff with it."

"And just how do you know that?"

"Because! It was made by... you know... what's her name?!"

One stallion turned around. He blinked, his jaw dropping as he pointed. "Th-the Blue Jay!"

"Right, I know the Blue Jay made it, but how does that help us exactly—?!"

"NO! Guys! I mean it's—"

"Hrrnnngh!" Rainbow Dash flew forward with a gust of steam. She slammed her hoof across the stallion's yelping muzzle.

The others spun to face her. In a blink, five stallions whipped out bats, crowbars, and other bludgeons and started charging. "Ya two-bit sky pirate!"

"Yaaaaaaugh!"

Rainbow Dash anchored her feet tightly and swung her leather wings forward. FWOOSH!

In one fell swoop, the thugs were blown off their hooves and knocked through tables of scrap and other metal junk. Crassh!

Rainbow blinked, her wings still flung forward. "...whoah."

"Wow, did you do that or did you just dream-do that?" Donut Joe asked.

"What's it matter?!" Rainbow pointed at the collapsed thugs. "Finish them off!"

"Oh right..." The stallion cleared his throat and charged forward. "Aaaaaaaand—" He kicked the skulls of two thugs before they could get up. "—icing on the cake!" Another pair hopped up, squaring off from him. "Oh, you want three lumps with your coffee, huh?! Game on!"

Rainbow Dash, meanwhile, had rushed to the table and was in the process of shaking the cage ensnaring their chaperone friend.

"Come on... come onnnn..." She gnashed her teeth. "There's gotta be a way to open this darn thing!"

Tap Tap Tap!

Rainbow paused, blinking under her leather cap.

The steaming sphere was knocking the cage in the direction of the table beneath it.

Rainbow looked. There were several tools lying side by side. She carefully set the cage down and trotted to the side. She pointed at a screwdriver and looked at the sphere.

"NO."

Rainbow dragged her hoof over a wrench.

"NO."

Blinking, she then pointed at a large, goofy mallet.

"YES. YES. YES."

"Hrmmf..." Rainbow's nostrils flared. "Figures." She grabbed it, held her breath, and smashed the cage hard. "Grnnngh!" WHUDDD!

Just as Rainbow's ears stopped ringing from that impact, she heard a dull yelp from across the way.

"Uhhh... Rainbow... Jay...?"

"Huh?" Rainbow looked over.

Donut Joe sweated, being forced in a headlock by two thugs. "I kinda got stuck in some molasses here..."

SCHIIIING! One thug held a machete to his throat. "I'll cut him, ya stinkin' sky bitch! I'll do it! I'll—"

FWIIIIISH! From the cage's wreckage, the steaming sphere flew. It darted across the room with the grace of a dragonfly and ricocheted off the two thugs' skulls like coconuts. Another got up and ran over, swinging a knife. Twirling, Epcot smacked its chest then uppercutted him through a table. CRASH!

Donut Joe wheezed, stumbling by Rainbow's side as both figures gawked at the steampunk pixie.

FLASH! A brunette earth pony appeared, her sparkling mane done up in curls as she stood in a calico gown with a brass corset and ruffled bussel. "Holy Figment!" She fanned herself and smiled. "That sure was tighter than Mission Celestia! Heehee! Wowsers! I'm so glad to see you guys again! How about the taste of this dream, huh?" She grinned, eyes fluttering.

"Holey Moley," Donut Joe droned. "Epcot, you're hot!"

Rescues Are Fun

"Epcot!" Rainbow Dash grasped the chaperone's shoulders. "Are you okay? Talk to me!"

"Hehe!" Epcot smiled, tilting her prettied mane to the side. "To all who talk to this pony of joy, hope, and friendship, welcome! I was inspired the alicorns' creative vision! Through me, equine achivements are achieved through imagination, wonders of enterprise, and concepts of a future that promises new and exciting benefits—"

"Okay... whew..." Rainbow smiled nervously. "You're still you."

"Well, I would like to think so!" Epcot winked. "I'm not programmed to be a squirrel, after all."

"I just thought that—judging from the way you look..." Rainbow Dash shuffled backwards, gawking at her frilly corset and skirts. "...that those punks might have done something to you or whatcrap."

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint, Rainbow Dash!" Epcot exclaimed. "Truth is, this is the first time I've rematerialized in my equine construct!"

"Wait..." Rainbow squinted. "You mean that the ball thingy is your natural form?"

"No, silly filly!" Epcot giggle-snorted. "My true astral form is of such trans-dimensional complexity that it would dumbfound your moral comprehension and overload your neural capacitors!"

"Er..."

"Don't you just love this corset?!" Epcot gave a little twirl and resumed fanning herself with an elegant wink. "It almost reminds me of this one sim a group of amorous alicorns made several hundred thousand years ago! Only, you know, without all the monstrously oversized genitalia."

"Hey, uhhh..." Donut Joe trotted over. "...sorry to interrupt such a riveting conversation, but, I really don't think we should stick around here for much longer."

Rainbow Dash glanced around at the bodies lying on the ground, moaning in pain.

"Err... yeah..." Rainbow grimaced. "Pastry chef is right. Epcot? Do you know the lay of the land at all?"

"If you're asking whether or not I have a mental record of this sim's construction, Rainbow Dash..." Epcot's muzzle scrunched. "...I am terribly sorry to disappoint. While I'm terribly glad that you and your other mortal companion here have rescued me from certain claustrophobic ickiness, I'm afraid that I'm currently incapable of performing my usual chaperone duties in this place."

"Huh?" Rainbow blinked. "Why's that?"

"Well, to put it lightly, whoever dreamed up this place are a bunch of meanie-heads!" Epcot stuck her tongue out. "And they really, really, really don't like to share!"

"All I noticed is that I can't seem to control the dream anymore!" Rainbow exclaimed. "I mean, look at me!" She plucked at the corset and leather gear encapsulating her. "It's like I'm stuck in a butcher's prison! My wings are gone and I can't find where the others are—"

"Shhhhh!" Donut Joe hissed, squatting low.

Rainbow frowned. "Darn it, Joe, I'm trying to do exposition with Epcot here—"

"No, I mean it!" Donut tugged at both mares, forcing them to hide behind a sheet of rusted metal. "Quiet! They're passing by!"

"Who's passing by?"

As soon as Rainbow Dash uttered that, she realized she was hearing the grinding of wheels—accompanied by grunting and yelping voices. She peered her head just around the metal wall of the shack they were all huddled in.

Right at that precise moment, a procession of wagons were being dragged down the underground street, accompanied by a group of earth ponies in blue police uniforms. The unfriendly equines looked left and right, dragging their billy cubs against the floor and metal shingles of the place, glaring at every impoverished citizen they passed. The residents of the grimy underbelly of Philanthropy shrinked away from sight, making themselves scarced.

But it was what was on board the wagons that stole Rainbow's attention. Each vehicle was a veritable cage on wheels, and the occupants thereof gripped the bars and sputtered, wheezed, or sobbed in misery. Rainbow saw donkey ears, wyverne manes, griffon beaks, and canine muzzles. Not a single member of the caged procession was equine.

"What in the buck...?" Rainbow muttered.

"It would seem to me that the ponies who rule this place aren't all too terribly favorable of non-equine species," Epcot quietly remarked. "That'll ruin your Saturday!"

"She's got a point there," Donut Joe said in a low tone. "Everypony who walks this stinkin' place is an earth pony. I mean... look at us!" He ran a hoof over his forehead. "I've got no horn! You're missing your wings...!"

"I guess some dream simulations got lost in the shuffle," Rainbow muttered, gazing at the cages as they passed by. "I don't get it, though."

"What's not to get?"

"Well, Serenity Shindig is a unicorn. So's her sons. So why bother stamping her hoof down on all other races...?" Just then, her eyes narrowed. "Hold the sound stone."

"Huh?" Donut Joe craned his neck.

As the last caged wagon rolled by, two depressed figures could be seen sitting with their backs to the rattling bars. A familiar mule and a pelican-beaked griffon lingered in silent, shuffling misery.

"Cream my filling!" Joe wheezed. "Mulia and Gustave!"

"Weeeee!" Epcot squealed. "Mortal party—!" A blue hoof covered her muzzle. "Mmmfff!"

"No, Epcot," Rainbow grunted. "Not a party. They're in big trouble, and we gotta pull them out of there somehow!" She turned to look at the chaperone. "I nearly died when I first materialized in this place! And I crashed so hard that I went unconscious... in a dream."

"Mrfmmm-fmmmfff!" Epcot gently pulled Rainbow's hoof off. "Holy Figment! That's not good at all!" Her white muzzle scrunched. "If things in this dream can hurt you, then it stands to reason that your mortal friends are quite susceptible... to mortality."

"Well, what are we waiting for?!" Donut Joe asked, shifting where he stood. "We gotta spring them loose!"

"Not so fast!" Rainbow Dash hissed.

She craned her neck out into the grimy sub-basment alleyway, staring down the length of the corridor. She watched as the three caged wagons were rolled towards the front entrance of a seedy nightclub emblazoned with lanterns and electric lights. Across the front, a name loomed, framed with flickering light bulbs.

"The 'Midnight Reflection,'" Rainbow Dash murmured.

"Eugh..." Donut Joe winced. "That place?"

Rainbow glanced at him. "You've heard of it?"

"A bunch of creeps spat the name out multiple times while tryin' to bag me," Joe said. "I think it's where they were planning to take me and sell me to the highest bidder." He gulped. "Or something."

"Then it can't be a good thing that Mulia and Gustave have been taken there," Rainbow muttered. She gestured at the other two. "Come on, you two." Slowly, she crept out into the dirty alley. "The rescue game's ahoof again."

"Weeee!" Epcot cheered. "I love rescues! I mean, I've never done them before, but they sound fun!"

"A little less chatty, Epcot," Rainbow muttered.

"Right! Gotcha!" She winked. "'Woosh' time!" Woosh! She transformed back into a steamy ball of metal and brass, floating alongside the two as they snuck their way towards the Midnight Reflection.

Applefillery

"Just... a little... m-more..." Rainbow Dash grunted, raising her hooves straight up.

Straining, Donut Joe stood up beneath her, lifting the mare by his bulky shoulders. Working together, they raised Rainbow Dash high enough to reach a window set within the shadowed side of the Midnight Reflection nightclub building. Rainbow's wheezing breaths echoed against the tight alleyway walls surrounding the pair.

"Aaaaaaand got it!" Rainbow Dash opened the window from the outside—although barely. The sounds of music and raucous laughter wafted out of the establishment. Rainbow looked over her shoulder with a weary grin. "There ya go, Epcot. Make us proud."

"YES." The steaming sphere flew through the narrow crack in the window pane, disappearing within the nightclub.

Rainbow hopped down, brushing herself off as she stood with Donut Joe besides a back door. "Yeesh. Guess I take for granted how awesome it is to have wings that can flap instead of just glide." She looked up at how breathless Donut was. "For realsies, you're a big guy. Why so gas'd?"

"C-cuz rolling dough all day isn't exactly a proper workout," Joe stammered. "I may be big, but 'fit' is another thing. That's Pierre, the pizza tosser in Canterlot's Diamond District!"

"Yeah, but..." Rainbow shrugged. "This is a dream, ain't it?"

"Yeah, so?"

"So why can't you be not 'unfit?'"

"Well, why can't you have normal feather'd wings that let you hover in place?"

"Touche." Rainbow craned her neck, glancing out into the shadowed alleyway bordering the Midnight Reflection nightclub. "We'd better figure out what makes Shindig's sim tick or else we won't be getting anywhere fast."

"Well, at least we've got an edge!" Joe exclaimed.

"Yeah, what?"

He pointed. "You!"

Rainbow blinked. "Me?"

"I mean... you've gotta be the Blue Jay for a reason, right? Some major super duper mega bandit? Like... how ironic is it that of all the characters you could be, you're the biggest thorn in the Queen's side?"

"Just my luck, I guess."

"I bet it's more than that! Wanna bet you and I are in this position for a reason?"

"I sorta figured that Applejack's friends got us to meet," Rainbow said. "Or, at least, the projection of her friends and family..."

"Then perhaps she knows that you're here!"

"Who, Applejack?"

"And she wants to be saved!" Donut smirked. "And she knows just who's up for the task!"

Rainbow Dash stared down the grungy alleyway. "I dunno. Just the idea that she's somehow... conscious is both inspiring and scary."

"Almost makes me wonder if she's looking after the other pegasus."

"Hmmm?" Rainbow blinked, then glanced back at Joe. "Oh, you mean Stu?"

"Who else?"

Rainbow sighed, staring straight up at the platform that formed a roof to the seedy district they were in. "I've been wondering about that myself, actually," she muttered in a worrisome tone.

Just then, they heard a clicking sound. Both ponies looked at the back door.

It opened from the inside, and Epcot stuck her glittery mane out, followed by an even more glittery smile. "I've got some good news and some bad news!"

"Lay it on us," Rainbow said as she and Donut Joe followed the chaperone inside.

"The good news is, this is totally where your two friends are!" Epcot whispered merrily. "The bad news is... they're selling cider at ten bits per plastic cup..."

As Seedy As It Gets

"What kind of a nightclub wrangles up non-equine citizens?" Donut Joe asked as he followed Rainbow and Epcot, sneaking through dark corridors.

"Jee, I dunno," Rainbow whispered. "Maybe it's the kind of place that will get us killed for chattering when we're not supposed to!" She ended with a sharp hiss.

Donut Joe winced. "Sorry..."

"We gotta be sneaky about this."

"Sounds to me like you've got experience."

"Maybe. Epcot?" Rainbow looked aside as they approached the sound of muffled shouts and laughter beyond a door. "Have you got the lay of the land?"

"Ooooh! I love The Land!" Epcot grinned. "The Alicorn cuisine at Sunshine Seasons is to die for."

"I mean this place, ya glitter butt."

"Oh!" Epcot blinked her purple eyes, adjusted her gown, and smirked. "There should be a big, big room up ahead! The main hallway with its stage... seating... balconies..."

"And the prisoners?"

"Seems to me they're all shackled up and lined across the stage. Something's about to go down, I bet!"

"Wow..." Joe blinked at Epcot, whispering, "How do you now all that without looking?"

Epcot smiled and pointed at her head. "My creators built me with psionic spatial sensitivity! What's the point in being a dream chaperone if I can't sniff out the construct of dreams themselves?"

"For real?" Rainbow Dash murmured, sliding up to the door. "Can you figure out where in this city Applejack is being held?"

"Mmmm... sorry..." Epcot shrugged with a pouty face. "I've never experienced this dream before, and the ones crafting it have done something to change the very psionic fabric. Still..." Her ears perked up as she grinned. "...I can discover the architecture of anything if I get close enough to it! Talk about innoventions!"

"Yeah, well, we might need you for that again soon." Rainbow craned her ear to the door. "Hmmmm..."

"Hear anything?" Donut Joe asked.

"Sounds like they're preparing for the 'main event,' whatever that means," Rainbow said. "Whatever it is, it can't be good."

"And with the prisoners on the nightclub's stage?" Donut Joe winced. "I'm scared to find out."

"Yeah, well, stop."

"Stop what?"

"Being scared," Rainbow muttered. "Maybe most of those prisoners are fake, made-up constructs, but I'll be darned if I leave this place without saving two innocent souls like Mulia and Gustave."

"But I thought Applejack was the one you've been searching for all this time or something—"

"Yeah, and Applejack won't approve of selfishness and cowardice in a situation like this! Or any situation!" Rainbow turned to frown at him. "Don't you get it?! She'd only want things done the awesome way! That's why I've gotta do it like this! That's why I'm having to do everything like this!"

"Uhhhh..." Donut Joe blinked confusedly. "What do you mean? Everything like what?"

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth... but lingered. Her ears drooped as she sighed. "Never mind, you wouldn't get it." She gulped and glanced aside. "Erm... Epcot?"

"Hmmm-hmmmm-hmmm..." The mare rocked her head left and right, eyes shut above a placid smile. "Let's listen to the land we all love, nature's plan will shine above," she breathily sang in a squeaky voice.

"Epcot! Hey!" Rainbow hissed, ruffling the mare's sparkly mane. "Stop being best pony for a second and help me!"

"Ooops! Hehe—sorry!" Epcot leaned forward. "What do you need?"

"Are there any ponies—er... dream dudes right outside this door?"

"You mean bad guys?"

"Yeah."

"Errrr..." Epcot squinted. "...nope!" She smiled, eyes bright. "Closest ponies are a group of about six stallions, clustered five seats away. There's maybe eighty in attendance, and they're all facing the stage—save for the stagehoof, but I doubt he'll see you if you wanna sneak in for a peak."

"Okay." Rainbow took a deep breath, gesturing at Donut Joe and Epcot. "Everypony, wait right here."

"You wanna go in there alone?!" Donut wheezed.

"Maybe. Maybe not. I dunno. We'll see." Rainbow grasped the doorknob lightly, taking a deep breath. "I kinda... play this sort of thing by ear."

Joe gulped. "I'm not sure if I'm cool with that."

"Well, you're gonna have to be," Rainbow muttered. "Once I Blue Jay it up a bit, I'm sure I'll figure out a way we can rescue our buddies."

"And then what?"

"Uhhh... Blue Jay it harder, I guess," Rainbow muttered.

Epcot giggled.

"Shhh!" Rainbow insisted.

Epcot covered her gray muzzle with her hooves. She nodded.

Rainbow bit her lip, cracked the door open, and slithered into the main chamber of the nightclub beyond. She craned her neck to see above the many tables and circularly arranged chairs. The place was dilapidated, with collapsed chandeliers and a second-story balcony that was crumbling off its foundation, occupying the north edge of the room.

Regardless, several dozen surly individuals filled the chamber, staring at a stage that was brightly lit by torchlight. The rowdy crowd whistled and hooted in bloodlust. At first, Rainbow Dash didn't know why, until she saw a group of non-equine victims strapped to wooden tables propped up sideways and facing the audience.

"All bets are over!" shouted a dirty-looking stallion on the stage. "Can our resident champion finish these runts with only twelve knives?! Or will one of them trot away to starve another day?! Let's find out! The highest paid bidder gets the pot—and a chance to throw at next week's game! But enough of my squawking! Let the throwing begin!"

The crowd cheered loudly, waving their hooves and grinning with malicious glints in their eyes.

Rainbow followed their gaze, once again spotting the innocent figures whose limbs were tied to the sideways tables. She noticed that the wooden furniture had several deep notches in them... not to mention bloodstains. A scarred, blindfolded stallion trotted up on center stage, cracked his joints, and flung the first of many kinves towards the right.

TH-THUNK! The knife embedded just inches away from the neck of a gasping diamond dog.

The crowd booed and hissed.

Undaunted, the stallion pulled out another knife and prepared to throw.

Rainbow winced... the grimaced harder as she tilted her gaze aside and noticed that the last two tables were occupied by a bound mule and a bound griffon.

"...hoboy," she muttered.

Stu Is What Stu Does

"Beat it! Beat ittt!" A thug shrieked as he and his comrades fled out through the front of the partially demolished nightclub. "Midnight's gone! Buck! Get the buck out!"

"Hey!" WHURRR-CLANK! Stu Leaves pivoted his mech around, grabbed a table, and flung it after the stallions. "You forgot your change!" SMASH! As the debris and splinters settled, he pivoted and smiled down at Rainbow. "Heh... do you get it? Because it's like I'm giving him change for a money payment that never happened, when in fact I'm only promising to deal more pain and—"

"Rule Number One of Awesomeness!" Rainbow sneered. "Don't ruin the moment!"

Mulia lifted her head from where she hid it in the downy chest of Gustave. "Are... are th-they gone?"

"Looks like it," Donut Joe said, squinting at the delapidated entrance. He turned to smirk up at Stu. "Way to go, feather-cap! You really gave them the run for the money!"

"Is this real life?" Gustave murmured.

Mulia patted the griffon. "Just roll with hit, Le Grande."

"Good timing, Stu!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "I'm sure I would have found a way to turn things around eventually, but your arrival totally made things a heck of a lot easier! Now we just gotta—"

"Erm... hold up one second," Stu said. WhurrrrCLUMP! CLUMP! CLUMP! He marched the heavy machine past her.

She blinked, craning her neck to see him approach the stage. "The hay are you doing...?"

"What else?!" Stu undid the last bound creature and then ripped the lids off the cages capturing the rest. "Freeing these innocent citizens! They were about to be eviscerated, after all!"

"Stu, wake up!" Rainbow grunted. "None of them are real!"

"Still, they deserve better!" The stallion said from within his mech. "After all, a few of them helped me find this place! And you wouldn't believe who they looked like!"

"Lemme guess..." Rainbow leaned against a table, folding her front limbs. "They looked just like the Apple Family."

Stu gasped, swiveling around in his steamy metal walker to gawk at her. "How'd you know?!" Just then, a stampede of mules, diamond dogs, and buffalo ripped past him. "Whoah! Not so fast!" He reeled in his suit, almost tipping over like a giant metal tortoise. "Eheheheh..." He performed a creaking salute, joints steaming. "You're mighty welcome, citizens!"

"Unnngh... Stu..." Rainbow facehoofed, sighing. "They're not real..."

"Sorry..." Stu fidgeted like a shy toddler inside his mech. "I-I guess I can't help it. This whole city is so nasty and mean. Did you know that I woke up to a bunch of colts banging all over my suit with baseball bats?"

"No kiddin'?" Donut Joe exclaimed.

"Hey, Joe!" Stu waved a metal hoof—inexplicaby tearing a part of the stage to shreds. CRACK! He winced, then conitnued: "Nice to see you guys in one piece! Especially you, Rainbow!" He smirked. "So you're the 'Blue Jay,' huh?"

"I guess," Rainbow said, wincing as she stretched and unstretched her artificial wings. "For some reason, the dream thinks I wanna be this rogue anti-Shindig bandit or something..."

"Heh... lucky you," Stu said. "I've no clue who the 'Red Rook' is. Apparently he's a former protector of Shindig turned into a 'traitorous' protector of the abused populace of Philanthropy. Heh... who'd a thunk it, am I right?"

"And then you met members of the Apple Family...?"

"Well, they weren't the actual Apple Family," Stu said. "I mean, this is just a dream world, and they certainly weren't named the same." Stu shrugged, venting steam from his suit. "Wish I could explain it! It's almost as if some of AJ is here with us."

"Yeah," Rainbow said, nodding. "I've noticed that myself."

"Wait..." Mulia blinked. "You mean to say that this friend of yours is... somehow trying to help you through the dream?"

"It's a long story," Donut Joe muttered.

"Well, we're all ears!" Mulia exclaimed. "Isn't that right, Gustave?"

"This place smells like rat feces."

"Ermm..."

Rainbow squinted at Stu. "You okay there, buddy?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah..." Stu nevertheless huffed and puffed. "But darn if I wish I could get a breath of fresh air." He shuddered in his suit. "I've been stuck in this big ol' thing since I woke up in Philanthropy. It's nice being able to rescue ponies and be a hero, but what I wouldn't give to sweat a bit less, you know?"

FLASH! Epcot materialized in front of him, smirking. "Well, all you had to do was ask, silly!" She pulled at a red lever. "Zoop!"

PHWISSSSSH! The front of the suit spread open like a metal flower, and Stu's body slipped out in a pool of his own sweat.

Whump!

Rainbow winced. "Ah jeez. You okay?"

"Phweeeeeeeee..." Stu swiped his naked brow and smiled in relief. "Never betterrrrr." He shuddered, lips curved. "Though I could use a drink." With a calm breath, he looked down at his body... then shrieked like a filly: "MY WINGS!"

Steampositioning

Mulia Mild stuck her head out, glanced left and right, then finally shuffled into the street. She motioned with her hoof, and soon three other figures were scurrying out after her. The tell-tale signs of a panicked stampede marred the already ruined alleyways looming beneath the surface of the floating city. Aside from a few rats and other vermin, the streets were completely vacant.

"Something scared everyone away," Gustave stammered, blinking nervously.

"Jee, I wonder who did that," Donut Joe wheezed. "Rainbow, are you certain this is the best way to go about this?"

"We can't stay here forever," Rainbow muttered, emerging from the side of the nightclub. "We've shaken the hornet's nest. For all we know, a whole gang of nasty creeps will be rushing in with three times the horsepower to beat our skulls in."

"You know, for the 'Blue Jay,' you're really yellow," Donut Joe said.

"Oh hush." Rainbow spun around. "Coast's clear, Stu. Come on out."

SMASSSSSSSSH! The side of the building collapsed as the "Red Rook" stormed through on steaming limbs. STOMP STOMP STOMP!

Mulia winced, looking every which way. "Must you bring that thing?! Really?!"

"Well, I c-couldn't just leave it inside!" Stu exclaimed above the noise of his clattering limbs. "Those creeps might turn it into a super weapon! Besides, I've already lost my wings! Why give up this too?!"

"We've all lost something, Stu," Rainbow droned.

"Yeah!" Donut Joe's bare brow furrowed. "Join the friggin' club!"

"But I don't get it!" Stu twirled around, thudding. "What kind of ponies would steal away what makes us all unique and special?" As he gestured, he accidentally knocked over an aluminum shed, sending dust and sparks flying everywhere. THUD!

Mulia sighed. "The same kind of ponies who would rather see non-ponies reduced to history's ashes." She turned and blanched at Rainbow Dash. "They were going to gut me full of knives! I look terrible in knives! They don't match my skin!"

"Well, I still have my amazing wings and plumage!" Gustave Le Grande said.

"Yeah," Donut Joe muttered. "Just not your wits."

"Hornless toad—!"

"Enough!" Rainbow Dash snarled. "Everypony, knock it off!" She frowned, staring at the group. "Look, we found each other, and—believe it or not—that's a super good thing! We pierced through to this dream and then we ended up separated in a dangling city full of super creep ponies but—guess what?! We found each other against all odds! You wanna know why?! Because pieces of Applejack's subconscious lent us all a hoof, otherwise Stu would be drowning in his own steam and Mulia and Mr. Pelican over there would living pincushions. And don't get me started on Donut Joe tasting the filth off a barroom floor!"

Donut Joe hung his head. "...would be fine with just a touch of glaze—"

"NO! It wouldn't be fine! And, what's more, we owe it all to Applejack for being in one piece! Now it's time that we saved her and got her out of here!"

"But how can we do that?!" Mulia exclaimed. "This dream world is obviously hostile to us now! Serenity Shindig—or the Queen—or whoever has her locked away someplace!"

"I want to save Applejack as much as you, Rainbow Dash," Stu said. "But you've seen how risky this place is! Somehow we've gotta come up with a way to infiltrate Serenity's headquarters, grab this 'Cider Princess,' and make it out of the dream before Philanthropy consumes all of us!"

"I know," Rainbow muttered. "The Coronation is the day after tomorrow."

"What happens then?" Gustave asked.

Rainbow gulped. "I don't know. But, where Applejack is concerned, it can't be good."

"Well, we ain't doing much by just standing out here and gabbing about it!" Donut Joe grumbled. "We've got the Blue Jay and the Red Rook with us!"

"Er... yeah?" Stu arched an eyebrow. "And?"

"So, ain't you guys got a hideout or something where we can lay low and plan for flank kicking?"

"Joe, dude, we all just got here!" Rainbow exclaimed. "I'm no more the real Blue Jay than you are Prince Blueblood!"

Donut blinked. "Who?"

"I agree with the donut maker!" Gustave exclaimed. "A roost of our own would be magnifique!"

FLASH! Epcot materialized behind the griffon, nuzzling his feathers. "Heeheee! Well, I think I may have seen a place along my way here!"

"For real, Epcot?" Rainbow exclaimed.

"Mmmmhmmm!" Epcot nuzzled the griffon. "Hehe! Donald ain't got nothing on you, fluffikins!"

"Ehhh... who is the crazy horse lady with the glittering hair?"

"Just roll with it," Rainbow Dash muttered. "Dreams ain't gonna make themselves come true."

A Glitch In the Sim

The shadows of evening had filled the valley by the time the group reached the windblown bastions of a decrepit clock tower. Epcot mounted the balcony beneath the crooked clockface first. She hummed, trotted over towards a mold wall of mortar, and pointed at it.

"And here we go! Cozy, huh?"

"Uhm... Epcot?" Rainbow Dash muttered, ascending the balcony before the rest of the group. "It's a dead end."

"Yes..." Mulia Mild shuddered, climbing and helping Donut Joe up beside her. "Not to mention... erm... perfectly in view of everyone who lives here."

"Our mule friend is right!" Gustave said, flapping his wings as he hovered alongside the balcony. "This cover of darkness won't hide us forever!"

"Heeheehee!" Epcot smiled, fluffing her sparkly mane. "Mortals are so adorable sometimes." She winked. "Once again, your heads are stuck in the regular dimension! What we have here is a gap in comprehension! Observe..." She proceeded to lean against the wall... only to slide through it.

"Gah!" Rainbow Dash did a double-take. "Epcot, come back!"

With distorted light, Epcot stuck her head out, smiling. "Oh, I'm still here! And you can be here too! Come on!" And she slipped back beyond the wall.

Rainbow Dash and the others exchanged nervous glances. At last, Rainbow Dash trotted forward, reaching a hoof towards the wall. Her limb slipped through the mortal, and—with a gasp—she stumbled straight forward.

She heard echoing hoofsteps. All around her, she saw what looked to be a distorted sphere of funhouse mirrors surrounding her at every angle. Every fifth shard of reflected light displayed what looked to be a completely different image altogether. Rainbow Dash saw movements, ponies, machinations, and several more things too incomprehensible to describe. And—at the very same time—she saw past it all, as if the outer surface of the clock tower was translucent. Stretching up towards the north were the skycrapers that belonged to Shindig and Sons. They glistened in the last rays of the sun peeking down into the valley within which the city of Philanthropy hovered.

Not long after Rainbow Dash had entered, Donut Joe, Gustave, and Mulia slipped in. They too stumbled, no less dumbfounded.

"Magical, huh?" Epcot chirped. "On account of Shindig's sim being so big, we've got this wonderful hiding spot!"

"You called it... a gap in comprehension?" Rainbow murmured.

"Yup yup yup!" Epcot's smiling teeth glinted. "It's like how most mortals only dream in black and white, or neglect to formulate words and text within their visions. There are some things the mind can't do... or simply refuses to do. It was a lot less problematic with the alicorns, of course. But... a dream of this size? Shindig couldn't dream it alone. She needed other minds to help her build it!"

Rainbow took a deep breath. "Frederick Flim. Felix Flam."

"Indeedy!" Epcot did a twirl, her skirts trailing as she gestured at the distortion bubbling around them. "But they can't see us heeeeere! Heeheehee!" She swiveled to a stop, winking. "Of course, if Applejack is really out there—dreaming along with the psionic currents—then she can't see us anymore either."

Rainbow Dash did a double-take. "You mean to say she could see us the whole time before?"

"Well, part of her did! She sent her... 'friends,' did she not?"

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. "Yeah... that she did." Her jaw clenched. "As Celestia is my witness, I'm gonna go find her and save her."

THUDDD! Stu Leaves and his mech slid into the room, causing everyone to flinch. "Duaaaaah!" He wheezed, sliding out of his Red Rook suit and curling up on the floor. "Goddess, that was just too much of a climb! I almost thought I was gonna throw up!" He took one look at the distorted imagery all around him and visibly blanched. "Oh—urp—Celestia dang it..."

For Every Down, An Up

Through the translucent walls of the clock tower, the group could see several gyrocopters gliding by in the moonlight.

"They're searching for us, aren't they?" Mulia Mild murmured, sitting with her back slump to Donut Joe's.

"Yup." Rainbow Dash nodded, perched besides Gustave and Stu. She squinted out into the floating towers of Philanthropy beyond the distorted dream walls. "About their twelfth fly-by since we arrived here. They seem to have our general vicinity down pat, but they've no clue we're actually inside this tower."

"All the reason for us to stick to this one spot," Donut Joe grunted.

"And for how long?!" Gustave frowned through his beak. "I, for one, do not intend to become a mere footnote in... in..." He turned and squinted a hawkeye in the direction of the ponies next to him. "What is this place, again, exactly?"

"Serenity Shindig's dream sphere," Stu Leaves muttered, eyes plastered to the landscape beyond. "Which—for some reason—is some steam-powered city floating inside a giant companion."

"And populated by psychopaths," Rainbow Dash muttered.

"Yeah! What's up with that?!" Stu frowned. "First, they take your wings... they take my wings..."

"They take my horn..." Donut grumbled.

"Right!" Stu nodded. "What for? To keep just Serenity and her two sons in power? Do they wanna feel special in this city that badly?!"

"You've seen pics of Apple Jewell, right?" Rainbow Dash murmured. "The mare they've got AJ posing as?"

"Boy, have I..." Stu cooed.

Rainbow decided to ignore that. "She's still an earth pony, from the look of it. So, if she's heir apparent to Serenity's throne, then I don't think race has a part to play in it."

"But it's playing a big enough part," Mulia muttered. "What's the point in purging when you've built a dream?!"

"Maybe it's not the crazy dame's dream?!" Donut Joe exclaimed. "Maybe she—like—hijacked it from one of the dead alicorns or something?"

"No, it's hers, alright," Rainbow said. "Or her sons'."

"How in the heck do you know that?!"

"Because I saw a model of this same friggin' town in the bottom foyer of Serenity's house," Rainbow explained. "It matches the skyscrapers and windmills of Philanthropy to a T."

"Don't forget the name of Shindig's late husband," Stu added.

"Right."

"Huh?" Mulia glanced over.

"'Philanthropy' is the name of the stallion Serenity was once married to. He... died a few years ago." She gulped. "And... uh... Stu and I found enough scribbled notes around the farmhouse to suggest..."

"Suggest what?" Donut asked.

"...that Serenity is somehow trying to salvage Philanthropy's soul and... I dunno... resurrect him in the dreamworld or something. It's totally insane."

"And... she was aiming to do this by kidnapping us?" Mulia remarked.

"They way we figure it, she was going to exchange one soul for another," Stu remarked. "You three and Applejack were... erm... her candidates for such a sacrifice."

"Celestia Almighty." Mulia shuddered.

"Mrmmmf!" Gustave frowned. "Never underestimate the mind of a mad pony! Capable of such great creativity... but with so many venomous bites!"

"Are you mixing ponies up with snakes?" Stu remarked.

"What the buck does it matter?!" Donut Joe snapped. "Shindig is the biggest snake pony creep ever, as far as I'm concerned!"

"Look... one thing's for certain," Rainbow Dash said, waving her hooves. "They want Applejack. We take her away from them, we take away their strength. For all we know, as soon as the 'Cider Princess' is freed, this whole dream sim might collapse?"

"And what then?" Mulia asked. "Will we get out of here safely? Or will we end up like those poor pretend-citizens in the lower depths?"

"Or worse?" Donut Joe gulped. "Like Philanthropy?"

"I dunno..." Rainbow Dash's eyes narrowed on a bobbing sight, and she stood up straight. "...but I think we're about to get on track."

Stu also stood. Both ponies watched as a tiny dot bobbed and weaved through the air, casting spurts of steam in the starlight. Sailing straight for the tower, the brass-studded sphere rolled through the distorted webs of light. It landed awkwardly in Stu's forelimbs.

FLASH! Epcot materialized—blinking—in Stu's forelimbs. She looked at the stallion and giggled. "Why, handsome mortal, I'm flattered! But I've no time for Body Tours!"

Stu was too flabbergasted to speak. Rainbow Dash stuck her muzzle in, staring Epcot down. "Well? What'd you discover?"

"She's there, alright!"

"She's where?!" Rainbow sputtered.

Stu helped Epcot down, and the chaperone smoothed the fabric of her skirt out while saying, "The tallest tower! Serenity Scraper! I must have circled it like a flying monorail twelve times! No doubt about it—the Cider Princess is on one of the upper floors! If what I heard from the local chopper patrols is correct, then the Queen and her Sons are up there as well!"

"Well, great!" Donut Joe exclaimed. "Then zip back there and get her out!"

"Mmmm..." Epcot chewed on her lip. "No can do."

"Why not?!"

"Well, if I could, I'd return to my normal self. But—as it stands in this place—I don't have the power to reach out to mortals save the ones I've already met! You ones!" She giggled and waved. "Hello, ones!"

"Then can you lead me there?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Can you take me to the tower where Applejack's being held?"

"Oh, I'd love to, but..."

"But what?"

"It's a bit dangerous, don'tcha thinkkkk?" Epcot pouted, her eyes sparkling.

"Pffft!" Rainbow Dash frowned. "So? Blue Jay, remember?!"

"She's got a point, Rainbow," Stu said. The mare looked at her as he said, "We all know that you're the most badflank pony here, but you're still just one pony. I'd join you to help AJ, but... well... it's not like my big friggin' Red Rook outfit can make it all the way up there under the cover of night."

"Then it's just me and Epcot," Rainbow said. "Don't worry! We can make this work! We click really good together!"

"Yes!" Epcot grinned, smiling with her eyes happily shut. "All one with the universe of energy!"

"I'd... still feel better if you made sure you could get back in one piece," Donut Joe said. "Havin' Stu and the Red Rook here is nice n'all, but only a pony who got this far in could take us backout. Ya feel me?"

"Yes. What Joe said," Mulia added.

"Fine..." Rainbow sighed, eyes rolling. "Then I'm going to need an extra pair of wings." She turned and nudged the griffon beside her. "Eh, wings?"

"Hmmm?" Gustave blinked her way.

Rainbow glared.

The griffon winced. "Oh poo..."

"Woohoo!" Epcot pumped her hoof. "Let's go Soarin'!"

Moonlighting

Several steamp-powered gyrocopters with mounted lanternlights soared over the floating cityscape, threading their way through the towers, bridges, and rotating windmills of Philanthropy.

Once one such flying patrol had passed a series of steam pipes, Rainbow Dash poked her head out from behind a thick brass junction. Epcot hovered above her, twirling on steaming jets.

"Okay." Rainbow's voice wafted through the nightly winds of the canyon. "I think we've got a clear path to the tower."

"Is it? Is it really?" Gustave leaned out from a criss-crossing nest of pipes below her. "One would think these wicked dreamers have more eyes in the sky!"

"It's rather obvious that Shindig's sim operates by a specific set of rules. And, right now, we've got ourselves a loophole to fly through." Rainbow looked up at the floating sphere. "How about it, Epcot? Are we clear?"

A scratchy voice crackled: "YES."

Rainbow waved a hoof. "Then lead the way."

"YES YES YES." The sphere dotted off, heading northeast towards the tallest skyscrapers.

Rainbow turned towards Gustave. "You go first."

The griffon gave her a double-take. "What? What for?! I'm no hero named after a ridiculous songbird!"

"Look, we're trying to get there quick!" Rainbow hissed, frowning. "And it's for the best that I go last! I... uh..." She shuddered, flexing her artificial glider wings. "I'm still trying to get a hang of these."

"Oh, very well then." Gustave spread his gray feathers and launched off the side of the pipework, wings slicing the air. "But if I get caught, then I'm naming a licorice delight after you!"

Rainbow shuddered. She stepped back on a horizontal length of pipe, held her breath, then galloped for the edge. A valve hissed random steam as she passed by.

"Aaackies!" Rainbow flew off at a declining angle. She descended, madly pulling back on her corset's stiff wings in order to get level. "Nnnngh... c-come on...!"

She dropped straight for a marketplace in between three dangling buildings. An abandoned cart and several signs loomed in front of her.

Rainbow gnashed her teeth—then retracted her wings at the last second.

She slid under a cart, bursting out the other side with her legs kicking against the ground. Without losing momentum, she shot straight up like a cannonball. Thinking fast, she spread her wings, caught air, and leveled herself out into an easy glide.

"Whew..." Pivoting to her left, she angled the Blue Jay's suit north and coasted after Epcot and Gustave.

The three headed towards a cluster of bright gold lights brimming towards the top of the skyscraper. As they approached their destination, something glinted in the moonlight. Rainbow Dash looked up and to the right to see three gyrocopters returning on their aerial patrol.

"Luna poop..." Rainbow flailed in mid-air as she sailed towards the building. "Darn it... glide... f-faster! Nnngh!"

Epcot came to a stop, and Gustave perched on a balcony dangling with vines and flowery foliage. He turned around, and his hawkeyes spotted the incoming vehicles. He motioned desperately for Rainbow Dash to hurry.

"Guhhhhh—!" Rainbow hurled herself forward. As the balcony came within view, she retracted her wings and dropped like a thrown anvil.

Gustave caught her... or at least as best as he could.

WH-WHUD! The two slammed into one another and collapsed across the surface of the balcony.

"Ow!" Rainbow's voice cracked.

"Watch it!" Gustave grumbled. "You almost broke my pristine beak!"

"Oh hush!" Rainbow sat up, frowning. "It's not your real body anyways—"

"Shhhh!" Gustave held a talon before his beak. Scuffling on all fours, he flattened his body against the balcony's flower-studded railing.

Rainbow did the same. The noise of gyrocopters grew louder. Epcot fluttered down, and Rainbow Dash grabbed her, hugging the steamy sphere to her fuzzy chest as the three squatted in dead silence.

At last, the vehicles soared by, their propellers disturbing the air, then growing faint with distance.

Gustave exhaled. "That was a close one."

"Tell me about it," Rainbow said, nodding. "But hey... at least we got to Shindig's tower." She blinked, her ears tickling to the sound of cellos and piano. "...say, do you hear music?"

FLASH!

"Well of course you do, silly!" Epcot grinned, reclining fuzzily in Rainbow's arms. "They're having a party, after all!"

"Huh?" Rainbow stood up, helping the dressed mare to her hooves. "Who is?"

"Heehee! Who else?" Epcot frolicked towards the glass doors to the balcony. "The Queen of this town does need to live up to her name every once in a while?"

Rainbow blinked at her, then looked over at Gustave.

"What now, Blue Jay?" Le Grande asked.

"Never ask a genius how she gets stuff done." Rainbow took a deep breath, then snuck towards the brightly-lit window. "But, all things considered, I'm pretty friggin' flummoxed..."

Simple Facade

The first thing Rainbow noticed was how pleasant it smelled. It hadn't occurred to her that the city of Philanthropy smelled overall terrible—what, with its squalor and smog and impoverished underbelly. But the distinction between plebeian and aristocratic quarters became insanely real to her the moment she slithered through the balcony window and into the brightly lit domain of Shindig's Skyscraper. It was also insanely luxurious, with flowery decor and lush furniture and elegant paintings looming in every blink.

"My word," Gustave murmured, lurking just behind her as the two pierced a winding hallway. "For such evil ponies, these dreamers keep a fabulous place."

"Shhhh!" Rainbow hissed, silencing both Gustave and Epcot in one wave of the hoof. "I'm sure it's all just a simple facade," she whispered, then sneaked ahead. She passed by several marble sculptures and what appeared to be a bronze effigy of an apple tree. Then, just two more doors ahead, she heard melodic strings wafting through the air.

Epcot cooed, summoning a glare from Gustave. The mare grinned innocently. Both followers glanced Rainbow's way.

The mare leaned in towards the door, craning her ear. She raised an eyebrow, then opened the door just a crack, peering in.

As the door parted from its frame, she saw huddled masses of silk, tweed, velvet, and crinoline. Soon she was observing dozens of well-suited stallions and fabulously-dressed mares all huddled in chairs, facing what appeared to be the long end of an elegant ballroom. A miniature orchestra of cellists and violinists stood at the side, performing an enchanting ballad. Several fillies and colts giggled, chasing each other in little circles while their smiling, aristocratic parents looked on.

Upon seeing the kids, Rainbow Dash gulped. "Well that's not... freaky or anything..."

"Don't forget," Gustave muttered in her ear as he leaned in. "They're no more real than their parents."

"Yeah, sure, I know that. But..." Rainbow grimaced. "It's a lot easier to fight my way to Applejack when there aren't little hooves being trampled."

"You think it's actually going to come to that?" Gustave asked.

Rainbow shuddered, ears folding back. "With me? It usually does..."

"Well, maybe discretion here will be the better part of valor." Gustave gestured ahead. "Observe."

A figure trotted into the room, trotting the full length of the well-polished floor. As his figure drew closer in the candlelight, the ponies silenced, sitting up straight. The music died out as even the performers stood in reverant silence.

"I'm so happy you all could come this week!" the pony said, a frail stallion with brass-framed bifocals. He grinned wide. "Her Majesty has been very busy as of late, but she always has time to entertain this wonderful city's upper elite! She should be joining us shortly..."

Rainbow's lips pursed. "Silver Shill...?"

Gustave's hawkeyes blinked. "You know that petite creature?"

"Wish that I didn't," Rainbow muttered. "Though, how in the heck he got inside this place is beyond me. I mean... Stu and I left him in a friggin' outhouse..."

Rainbow felt soft fuzz brushing past her. "Is this somepony you know in the mortal realm?" Epcot squeaked.

"Errr..." Rainbow side-stepped and spoked hushedly, "Yeah. He's an assistant to Flim and Flam."

"Well, if that's the case, then no wonder we see him here!" Epcot smirked. "He's an extension of Shindig and her sons!"

"You mean sorta like how Applejack's friends and family have been appearing to me and Stu?"

"Exactomundo!"

"Meh... creepier and creepier," Rainbow muttered. "Say, Epcot, we're in it deep. Can you sense where AJ might be?"

"Why, of course!" Epcot grinned wide. "She's just—" Suddenly, her characteristically jovial face went blank, and she blinked her purple eyes straight ahead."

"What is it?" Rainbow asked, hoarsely.

"Erm..." Epcot withdrew, crouching in a little silken ball beside Gustave. "The nasty-nasties are coming."

"Huh?" Rainbow raised an eyebrow.

Then, from inside the ballroom, the spectacle'd stallion spoke. "Now, without much further adieu, I gladly reintroduce to you the patriarchs of profit, the professionals of productivity..." He spun about and gestured towards the far wall's chamber doors. "...Frederick Flim and Felix Flam!"

The ponies erupted in cheers while the band resumed playing an upbeat tune.

Rainbow's brow furrowed. "Here we go..."

Thanks, Shindig

They arrived with a puff of smoke. Literally.

Carnival show theatrics introduced a pair of yellow-coated unicorns with matching red manes. Their hair and tail streaked in the candlelight as they glided forward on their knees, forelimbs spread in wild cheer. They wore dapper suits, and their manes were neatly greased back so that their horns stood out prominently atop the centers of their skulls.

Rainbow Dash was familiar with what the two sons looked like. When they spoke, however, her insides curled up. She hadn't quite expected them to sound so... corny.

"Y-y-yessss! That's right, Fillies and Gentlecolts!" one with a mustache said.

"Your sultans of social savor are here!" the one without a mustache added.

"It's another beautiful night in Philanthropy!"

"But only best and the brightest get to celebrate!"

"And do you know why?! Come on, folks! Let the little'un's chime in for ya!"

The fillies and colts hopped up, grinning wide. "Because we're Mommy Serenity's chosen!"

"Thaaaaaaaaaat's right!" The one without a mustache hopped up first, patting one foal after another on the head as he trotted forward. "And can anypony here tell me why it's special to be Mommy Serenity's chosen?"

"Because she will always take care of us!" the children chanted. Looking on, the parents chuckled and nuzzled each other.

"Yup! She's a very nice mare, our Mom!" The mustache'd stallion winked his green eye. Rainbow Dash spotted a cutie mark of a whole apple with a quarter sliced out on his flank. "And she loves each and every pony in Philanthropy!"

"And she loves each and every pony who lives in this Tower even better!" added the brother. "But can you tell us who she loves best?"

"The Cider Princess!" the foals chanted.

"That's right! And in just the day after tomorrow, she gets coronated!" The stallion with a mustache hung a forelimb around his brother's neck. "Do you know what that means, ol' brother of mine?"

"We have ourselves a darling new sister!"

"More than that, Flim! It means that Philanthropy is headed into a new age! An age of joy, wonderment, discovery..." He narrowed his eyes. "And no more suffering..."

The foals cheered while the adults applauded.

Rainbow Dash squinted through the doorframe while Gustave and Epcot shuffled curiously.

"And you know why that is?" Flim grinned, stepping out to pace before the rich families. "Because the Cider Princess is special! She has the power to bring Philanthropy to new heights! That's precisely why Mommy's been borrowing the magic from everypony! It's because she needs all of our horns and wings to power up the cider machine that Princess Apple Jewell is going to operate!"

"Holy Figment..." Epcot murmured.

"Huh..." Gustave glanced at Rainbow. "Did you hear that?"

"Shhh!" Rainbow insisted, craning an ear towards the scene.

"And once the Cider Princess has blessed us with her gifts, Philanthropy will no longer be bound to this canyon!" Flam trounced around, throwing wicked grins at the crowd. "We'll no longer be stuck here in the dust and grime of the earth... having to share it with..." His eyes narrowed. "...slimy non-equine riff-raff."

The crowd booed. The musicians smirked shile playing their violins.

"Grrrr..." Gustave snarled, charging forward on talons. "...why those slimy pig-headed...!"

"Hey!" Rainbow hissed, yanking him back by his tail. "There's a time and a place!"

"But you heard them! If they had their way—"

"—I gotta hear more!"

"What for?"

"'Cuz! I gotta know just what they're trying to get Applejack to do!"

"You must be kidding me..."

"For realsies," Rainbow said. "Trust me. I've been doing this sneaky-stuff for... uhhh... quite a while now."

"Oh yeah? For how long?"

"Like... four hundred and eighty chapters, give or take."

"If you're so desperate to save your friend, then why not rush out there, eh?" Gustave pounded his chest. "Valiant-like?!"

"Because I need to get her back in one piece!" Rainbow snarled.

"Uhhhhhh..." Epcot gulped, trotting backwards away from the cracked door. "My little mortals...?"

Rainbow barked in Gustave's face. "Because I'm not even gonna leave this dreamscape unless I know for a fact that Applejack is gonna be one hundred percent okay?!"

"What'ssssss thisssss?" Flim's voice sing-songed. Suddenly, light poured all over the three sneaking figures as he opened the door to the ballroom. "Gadzooks, Flam!"

"Is that what I think it is, Flim?!"

"It's... it's..." Flim teetered back, eyes wide as he raised his forelimbs in shock and horror. "...the Blue Jay!"

"The One and Only Blue Jay?! Vagabond of all Philanthropy?!"

"Tis true!" Flim bellowed theatrically.

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash froze in place, sweating. "Hoboy..."

A Convenient Inconvenience

"Zounds! Steam almighty!" Flim reeled backwards, looking faint. "The Blue Jay! In Shindig's Tower!"

"What could have brought such a malevolent miscreant to our very domain this hour?!" Flam stammered.

Rainbow Dash—who this whole time had been cringing—finally found a reason to blink. "...uhh... you guys for real?"

"Ohhhh the Equinity!" Flam stumbled past her. In mid teeter, he brushed his muzzle by her ear. "What are you waiting for, Little Miss? Your cue was three lines ago!"

"H-Huh?!" Rainbow did a double-take.

Flam hissed, "I know you're early, but come on! Be on point!"

Rainbow grimaced. "Celestia, I'm so confused..."

"Erm..." Gustave leaned his head in, murmuring. "I do believe they've got us confused with theatrical charlatans."

"What?" Rainbow glanced back at her.

"He did say we were 'early.' We must be confused with some performers they've hired." He cleared his throat and dove forward, rearing his talons. "Raaaaaaaurgh! I'm a griffon! A... mud blooded plebeian of the underworld! And I eat little ponies for breakfast! Nyaaaarugh!"

"Eeeeeeeeeek!" The foals reeled back, giggling.

"Er... y-yeah!" Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, puffing her chest out as she spread her artificial wings. "That's me, alright! The Blue Jay! Jerkbad of the... h-high winds!" She did her best snarl. "And I've come to liberate all non-ponies and... r-redistribute the wealth!"

"Booooooooo!" The wealthy parents and elderly ponies jeered from their chairs.

"Heeheee!" Epcot jumped forward. "And I'm Epcot and I'm adorable!"

WHUMP! Rainbow bucked her to the floor. "Ha! Take that, you stupid rich earth pony! I... uh..." She glanced awkwardly at the crowd. "...I've come here to kick flank and stomp babies. And I am totally not out of babies."

"Grrrrrrghh!" Gustave fluttered up to a wall and brushed his tail feathers against Shindig's portrait. "I rub my arse all over the legacy of Queen Serenity Shindig!"

"Okay, Tweety, I think they get the picture," Rainbow grumbled aside.

"Grnnnffhggh... mmmff!" Epcot struggled to get up in her bulky gown. Her legs stuck up as she blinked at the candle-lit ceiling of the ballroom. "I seem to be having a disagreement with gravity..."

"Oh, what a disaster!" Flim exclaimed. "Who will save us from this crazed sociopathic menace?!"

"I know!" Flam raised a hoof. "Flim and Flam!"

"Yes!" Flim jumped in place. "The Sons of Serenity!"

"But where might they be, huh?" Flam smirked, reached into mallet space, and pulled out a pair of porkpie hats and a fake mustache. "How about it? Who's brave enough to ward off our pitiable enemies for Mommy Serenity?!"

The foals all jumped to the occasion.

"Oh!"

"Me!"

"I wanna be Flim!"

"I wanna be Flam!"

"No, I wanna be Flam!"

"Heheheh!" The mustached stallion chuckled, gave the porkpie hat to a young colt, and fitted a mustache to his tiny muzzle. "You and me both, ya little scamp!"

"There ya go, darlin'!" Flim fitted a hat to a little filly. "Or—should I say—Miss Flim!" He pivoted the mare around and had her face Rainbow Dash. "Now... rid the Blue Jay for the good of all Philanthropy!"

"In the name of cider and glory! But mostly cider!" Flam shouted.

The two foals pranced up towards Rainbow Dash, snarling and giggling.

Rainbow stood in place, blinking. She looked across the way, and Gustave gestured at her. She winced. "Ah... jeez... my... uh... my wings!" Fwomp! She fell over, "cowering" away from the two kids. "I can't outfly this rampaging Philanthropy justice. Oh... uh... whatever shall I do? This is the worst. Possible. Thing. Darling. Opalescence... n'stuff..."

"Forsooth! I have been skewered!" Gustave collapsed on his end of the room. "With the Blue Jay defeated, my brothers and I are nothing but feathers and angst!"

"You know... if they call it 'Cranium Command,' then how come there's no puppets to represent the sinuses?" Epcot mused aloud.

Rainbow hissed at her, and the chaperone silenced herself.

"The Blue Jay is defeated!" Flim and Flam chimed.

"Hooooooooray!"

"Now..." Flim leaned forward, grinning. "Finish her off!"

"That means all of you, kiddies!"

The foals stampeded forward, shoving and bucking and tickling Rainbow hard from all sides.

"Aaugh! D'oh! Quit it!" Rainbow squeaked. "Yeesh, haven't any of you heard of the Geneighva Convention? OW! Darn it, I'm down! I'm down!"

The foals giggled unrelenting in their punishment. The adults looking on smirked at one another while Flim and Flam's warbling chuckles filled the air.

Just then, a door opened.

The musicians on the side of the room snapped to it, performing an elegant ballad.

Immediately, every pony—young and old—stood at attention, facing the far end of the ballroom and bowing.

Flim and Flam filed up, side by side, and bowed low. "Mother... your presence is a blessing as always..."

"Nnnngh..." Rainbow winced, glancing over through thin eyes. "...buh?"

Shindig This

The first thing Rainbow Dash saw was a yellow horn, and it's what instantly tripped her mind. Thus, she was a bit slow on the draw when it came to spotting the mare's outspread wings from the sides of her flowing gown.

"No way..." Rainbow Dash muttered.

Gustave squatted low by her side. "Shindig is... an alicorn?"

Rainbow gulped, slowly shaking her head. "Not even close. Shindig's an earth pony. But in this place..."

"Shhh... here she comes." And both the griffon and the pegasus were silent.

Accompanied by a train of maidens, Shindig trotted to a graceful stop. She was indeed an alicorn projection of the mare Rainbow had spotted on the billboard outside her ranch. In addition, this pony was considerably taller, thinner, and youthful of complexion. Her soft green eyes fell on everyone in attendance, and—with a beam of magic—she tossed her scarlet mane back and spoke with regal poise.

"My children, how good it is to see you. Frederick... Felix... your presence here honors me."

"Oh, that we could bring you praises every hour of every day, Mommy Dearest!" Flam said with a wink.

Flim smiled and added, "And every second of every minute of every hour—"

"That'll do, my dear," Shindig said, tapping his chin. The gathered ponies chuckled as she trotted down the line, skirts trailing. "Like sweet cider, true adoration takes much time and care, and my life is so... so very sweet because of you. Philanthropy shines in splender because of the sacrifices all ponies have made. And, trust me, not a moment goes by when I do not feel thankful... or blessed."

The alicorn figure came to a stop, squinting at Gustave and Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow and Gustave couldn't help but fidget.

"A reenactment?" Shindig's lips curved. "How very quaint. What horrible deeds is the Blue Jay guilty of this time?"

"Ermmm..." Gustave gulped and looked aside.

Rainbow Dash stared at Serenity Shindig. "Oh, you know, burglaring'n'stuff."

Epcot finally stood up, glancing shiftily at her two companions.

"But of course." Shindig tilted her head to the side. "And where might the Red Rook be?"

Dead silence. Gustave's beak trembled. Rainbow bit her lip.

"Oh, he called in sick, your shininess!" Epcot spoke up, grinning. "A rat bit him while he was scouring the lower dregs of Philanthropy!" The chaperone winked a purple eye. "Method actor, you see."

The room filled with chuckles.

"Well, what a shame. I do hope he feels better." Shindig took a deep breath. "This city does well to remember where magic belongs and for what purpose." She turned to pace off—but stopped. Craning her neck back, she reached out and tilted Rainbow's chin up.

Rainbow stood dead-still, her face caressed by the alicorn's limb.

"Funny..." Shindig's green eyes were thin. "...I don't remember the Blue Jay looking quite so... delicate."

Rainbow cleared her throat. "Well, your eminence... uhhh... chalk it up to the wonderful luxuries of living in this city you and your sons have sculpted!" She smiled awkwardly. "Soft belly... but a strong heart!"

"Hmmm..." Shindig slowly nodded. "If only the real Blue Jay was so humble." She turned towards Gustave. "And you—ever loyal—you are a tribute to your own kind."

"Erm... much appreciated!" Gustave smiled through his beak. "I think..."

Rainbow swatted him in the side with her tail.

Shindig trotted before the bowing ponies, her mane flowing. "My beloved children, this is a great time to be alive in the valley. Soon, my heir shall bring glory to this entire realm. And—by the spirit of my beloved Philanthropy—all that was once a gray and dismal web of darkness shall no longer exist,for her glory will multiply my spirit and joy by a hundred fold. Let it be known—from here to the ends of the heavenly realm—that the Cider Princess lives."

"The Cider Princess Lives," dutifully chanted the whole group.

Epcot, Gustave, and Rainbow Dash listened on.

Exit, Stage Left

"Once the Coronation has happened, this whole world will be changed," Shindig said, her alicorn splendor lighting up the opposite end of the ballroom. "There will be no reason to fear riff raff such as the Blue Jay and the Red Rook, for all of my children—even the estranged ones—will share the same consciousness as that achieved in the Cider Princess' transcendence."

"I think she traded in her sanity for those feathers and horn," Gustave mumbled.

"Shhhh!" Rainbow craned her neck, listening intently.

"There will be no need for police, or for walls, or for the chains that suspend us high above the filth that lies deep in this canyon," Shindig remarked, shuffling. "For the Cider Princess will have become a beacon, and her glory alone will be our source of joy and harmony. From that point on, we will not fear pain or suffering, for death itself will have been conquered." She scuffed to a stop and closed her eyes with a melancholic expression. "This peace does not come without sacrifice, of course. But it is for the eternal good of all of us. May the Cider Princess be praised."

The crowd murmured and cheered in agreement. Flim and Flam leaned on each other, smiling as they exchanged hooves to wipe each other's cheeks dry.

"What's with all this 'sacrifice' nonsense?" Gustave remarked. "This is so bizarre—I can't even tell if she is being serious."

"I suppose there's only one way to find out," Rainbow grumbled. She leaned aside, whispering into the Chaperone's ear. "Pssst. Epcot..."

"Guh!" The mare jumped, skirts flouncing. "Pl-Please! No flash photography until the ride has come to a complete stop—"

"Shhh! Keep it down! It's only me!" Rainbow leaned in more. "I know that Shindig's... errr... alicorn-ness is pretty intense right now, but can you sense beyond it to find out where Applejack is?"

"Errrrrm..." Epcot squinted. Her purple eyes darted about. At last, she perked up. "Yes! Indeedy!"

"Shhhhhhhhhhhh!"

She winced, smiling as her ears folded back. "Uhhmmmm... Yes indeedy, Rainbow Dash." She pointed towards the rear of the ballroom. "In that direction, about four corridors away."

Rainbow looked over her shoulder at the rear of the crowd, then back at Epcot. "Is there another way to get to where she's at?"

"Mmmmmhmmmm. But if you wish to go, you'd better pick a time when nopony is watching."

"Best idea yet." Rainbow backtrotted. "Gustave, look after Epcot. I'm going in."

The griffon rattled his beak. "What?!" He kept a nervous hawkeye trained on Shindig as the mare continued speaking to the crowd. "What about me?!" He shifted on his talons, glancing at Epcot. "I-I mean us?]"

"I need you here to keep their focus off of me," Rainbow said. "Then, when your presence is no longer required, the two of you should make a quiet exit and fly back to the clock tower. Got it?"

"What will you be doing?"

Rainbow frowned. "Hopefully? Throwing a wrench into the Cider Princess' transcendance." With that said, she turned and darted out into the nearby hallway with a flick of her tail. "Zoop!'

She just nearly headbutted two ponies—a delicate mare in a leather corset and a fumbling stallion in spray-painted armor.

"Eeeep!" The mare recoiled, her fake wings rattling.

"Gah!" Rainbow forced the door to the ballroom shut behind her. "What the—?"

"I... I don't understand!" The mare blinked. Her silken, pink mane had been distorted into an ugly collage of multiple dyed colors. "Who are you? I thought the Sons of Shindig had hired us as tonight's entertainment!"

Rainbow leaned forward, ruby eyes squinting. "...Fluttershy?"

The stallion glanced awkwardly at the mare—who only frowned.

"The name's Velvet Flanks, but tonight it's 'Blue Jay,'" the doppelganger of Fluttershy grumbled. "Or at least I thought it was!" She pointed an angry hoof. "Who are you to steal our thunder?"

"Eeeeyup!" the freckled "Rook" added with a frown.

"Er... yeah... about that..." Rainbow Dash stood tall. "There's been a change of plans."

"A ch-change?"

"Yeah!" Rainbow fidgeted. "You see, there were so many ponies invited tonight that the ballroom is pretty dang cramped at the moment. So they needed a Blue Jay who was..." Rainbow shuddered. "...smaller."

Fluttershy and Big Macintosh blinked.

"Whelp!" Rainbow smiled plastically and gave the mare a pat on the shoulder. "What happens in Philanthropy stays in Philanthropy! Heheh! I don't blame you for being unhappy about it. But if you need somepony to mouth off to, the Big Alicorn Herself is right in there. Waiting." Rainbow winked as she trotted briskly by. "You wanna ruin Shindig's night? Be my guest." And, with that, she darted around the candle-lit corner and was gone.

Big Macintosh bit his lip, looking at the mare.

Fluttershy frowned into the dim light, stomping her hoof. "Shit," she huffed.

Enshrined

"Straight forward, four corridors away. Straight forward, four corridors away. Straight forward, four corridors away," Rainbow Dash whispered to herself as she speedily traversed the inner hallways of Shindig's Tower.

She made swiftly for the far end of the floor she was on, shimmying past ornate tables, flickering candelabras, and the occasional suit of armor. It occurred to her that it was frighteningly strange to be encountering absolutely zero guards—or any security force altogether. However, not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Rainbow took advantage of the situation. At last, she made it past the fourth door, and it was then that she saw an arched frame leading into a spacious chamber. This particular room was almost completely devoid of decoration, save for a shrine of sorts at the far end that was lined with candles and incense. In the center of the shrine was a pair of doors crafted out of glossy red copper, and lined with suspiciously complex array of bronze tubes.

There was a door at the other end—emblazoned with apple motifs. Rainbow's heart skipped a beat, and she darted straight for it. However—just as she reached the doorknob—she froze in place. Something compelled her to pivot towards her left and stare at the shrine. Her eyes fell on the doors situated in the middle of the array of steam pipes. She wasn't sure why, but her heart started beating heavily through her chest, and she felt this cold, falling sensation, as if she was slipping downhill into a frozen sea.

Shaking the sensation off, she turned once more to the door in front of her. She tried the lock, but the knob wouldn't budge.

"Grnnngh.. of course. Frickin'..."

She stared once more at the apple motifs across the surface of the door. If the "Cider Princess" wasn't located beyond that barrier, then Rainbow Dash was liable to chew on her artificial wings.

For a brief moment, she paced in circles, grumbling to herself. Then, she scuffled to a stop, blinking into candle-lit space.

"Wait a second... I'm the Blue Jay. And the Blue Jay is a friggin' thief!"

In a flash, she looked at her chest. There were several pockets located along the leather lengths of her corset. She dragged a hoof down from pouch to pouch, feeling the contents within. After much fumbling, she was able to squeeze out an elaborate metal utensil.

"Lockpicks! Score!" Rainbow smiled to herself and squatted before the door, aiming the item at the knobs. "This isn't such a sucky dream after all—"

Just as she said this, she heard a series of hoofsteps trotting swiftly towards that dead-end of a chamber. Along with the clopping hooves came the sound of voices, growing warmer and nearer.

"Mother, are you certain you wouldn't rather retire for the evening?"

"No, Frederick. There'll be time for rest and relaxation after the heir has transcended. I'm terribly sorry to cut your well-planned ceremonies short, this evening, but I must commune with beyond."

"We understand, Mommy Dearest. Will you put in a good word for us?"

"Mmmmm... I always do, Felix. I love you both so much, and he does too."

Rainbow gnashed her teeth. "Luna Poop!" Fumbling with her lockpick, she looked every which way, finally spotting a table lined with pitchers of apple cider. Dashing over, she slid beneath the dangling velvet table-cloth and hid.

It was just in time, too. A series of alicorn hooves shuffled into the room, accompanied by the trailing skirts of Serenity Shindig's fabulous gown. The mare closed the doors to the arched entrance shut with a noticeable hiss of steam. The lights dimmed, and Rainbow witnessed with silent anxiety as the mare made her way to the shrine...

As Awestruck As I Wanna Be

Serenity Shindig spent a veritable eternity lingering besides the pipe-lined doors. Rainbow sensed that she was spending that time doing something vital—such as entering a combination into the lock or a code of sorts. Rainbow glanced under the table at the other door with the apple motif. She almost made a move towards it when the temperature of the room dropped dramatically.

Shindig had opened the door. Rainbow knew it from the hairs on the back of her neck raising. With chattering teeth, she squatted low and stole a peek from beneath the dangling tablecloth. She immediately wished she hadn't.

There was no seeing beyond the open frame of the door. Whatever lay past it was blacker than black—almost as if someone or something had sliced a rectangular slit out of reality and left nothing but impermeable nothingness. Rainbow winced, feeling as though her eyes were going to go blind in little square-shaped partitions just from looking at it. Steam vented from the pipes, giving the air around the alicorn a ghostly mist. Rainbow imagined that the contraption built into the doorframe was attempting to compensate for something, as if the very act of opening the doors destabilized the entire room, or tower, or the city itself.

And yet, the whole time, Serenity Shindig—the Queen of Philanthropy—stood perfectly still and resolute before the doorframe. Rainbow imagined that something empowered her, since she was the dreamer of that realm. Whatever the case, while it pained Rainbow Dash to so much as glance at the door, Shindig unabashed stared into it. And, what's more, she began talking into it.

"I know you are out there, my love," she murmured with a great deal of emotion wavering through her vocal cords. "And I know—like me—you are waiting. But fear not. The pain will be over soon, and we will be together again."

Rainbow's ears folded back. She wasn't sure why her body was stricken with so much fear. The only other time in her life she felt like this was in the presence of Nightmare Moon—but at least then she was capable of showing some bravado. She chose at the moment to focus on Applejack. So, turning around, she scurried back towards the edge of the table, took a breath, and slipped out into the open. Serenity's flank was to her, so Rainbow was able to trot towards the apple-emblazoned door without being seen.

Shindig continued: "Her power is magnificent, my love. She has what it takes to pull you from the abyss. Our sons have assured me of this, for they miss you too and will do anything to restore this family again."

Rainbow fumbled with the lock for the key. She seethed through her teeth, finally making contact as she picked the tumblers within the doorknob.

"And when we reunite, we will have the most beautiful city at our hooves," Shindig said. She sniffled as tears ran down her face. "I'm doing this all for you, my love. You've given me so much, and now I am about to give you everything I can. We will be together again. That, I promise you."

The air filled with an even deeper chill. Rainbow heard something that sounded like the distant whimpering of dying foals. It was then that she realized that something beyond the door was replying to Shindig.

She hurried through her task, shivering. The mists spread to her limbs. Rainbow felt cold air encroaching all around her.

Click.

The doorknob unlocked.

Rainbow bit her lip, slid the door open a crack, and scurried her petite body through.

Thud!

She closed the door tightly behind her and leaned her body against it, panting and shivering. With eyes clenched shut, she stood in place, navigating a series of pained heartthrobs.

Rainbow was certain that if she stayed in that room even a few seconds longer, she would have lost something that she could never regain. For some reason, it evoked memories that she didn't even know she had, and while she couldn't quite put her hoof on them, she realized that they must have been visions that a mortal pony wasn't meant to experience.

She was still agonizing over this when the softest, heavenliest, most velvety voice ever carressed her ears.

"Oh my, you poor darlin', are you lost?"

Rainbow's eyes flew open, almost tearing.

Across a luxurious sleeping chamber, a goddess stood up from her vanity, turning to gawk at the stranger in the room. Her emerald eyes lit the place more than a thousand candles could, and she wore red satin with gold trim. Her hair was done up in an elaborate braid, and apple blossoms clung to the blonde tresses.

"Is somethin' the matter, sugarcube? You look frightened."

Rainbow's dry mouth opened. "Applejack..."

The Cider Princess' eyes narrowed.

Rainbow hyperventilated. With a gasping smile, she bolted forward a few feet. "Applejack! It's Rainbow Dash! I'm here to get you out of here!"

The mare raised a dainty hoof, recoiling slightly. "Erm... Rainbow who?"

Belle of the Ten Thousand Feet Above Sea Level Ball

"F-first thing's first," Apple Jewell stammered, dragging in her glittery heels. "I-I need to grab a 'lil somethin'."

"Unnngh... for real?" Rainbow looked back, her tail flicking impatiently. "Just what?"

"I can't very well leave my chambers without it!" Apple Jewell sashayed towards her vanity, flanks swaying in her gown.

Rainbow bit her lip, having to tilt her gaze up by a few degrees.

Apple Jewell reached the ornate vanity, grasped a crystalline tiara, and planted the fancy headdress atop the front of her mane.

"Mrmmmffff..." Rainbow Dash face-hoofed. "You gotta be kidding me," she murmured aloud. "Are we sure Shindig didn't just foalnap Rarity?"

Apple Jewell turned around, blinking. "I beg yer pardon?"

Rainbow sighed. "Nothing. Are we good now?" She bore a weary, coy smile. "Do we have to put on eyelashes too?"

"Just because I'm being abducted doesn't mean I need to forget proper etiquette!" Apple Jewell said in a huff.

"Proper etiquette?! Girl, Shindig taught you all the horse hockey you believe in, and she's totally evil!"

"That has yet to be objectively proven," the mare said, shuffling over. "Lest we forget, I'm simply going with you as a means of peacefully solving this dilemma."

"Are you for real?"

"Well, erm..." Apple Jewell's orange cheeks blushed. "Yer the Blue Jay, and I'm just a fair maiden. I can't very rightly fight you off, now can I?"

"... ... ..." Rainbow gulped. In a dry voice, she turned and murmured. "Now I really miss 'em."

"Miss what?"

"Nothing," Rainbow grunted, approaching the door. "Follow me. I'll get us out of here quick. I promise."

She felt a soft hoof gracing her fetlock. Rainbow looked back to see Apple Jewell grasping her hoof with hers. The Cider Princess smiled. "It's only proper, y'all reckon?"

"Eh... eheh... yeah, sure." Rainbow gulped, then threw the door open. "Celestia, help me..." And she bolted out of the chamber, tugging a breathless Apple Jewell along with her.

"Eeep!"

Thankfully, Shindig was long absent by the time the two exited the royal quarters. Rainbow Dash wasted little time, all-but-dragging Apple Jewell along with her as she tugged the princess down several luxurious corridors lined with flickering candles. At one point, they had to press themselves up against the wall and wait for a few nobles to trot on by. Once more, Rainbow was quite alarmed at the lack of guards. This was starting to get easy.

"Too easy..." Rainbow murmured.

"I beg yer pardon?" A faintly sweating Apple Jewell panted.

"You really like saying that, don't you?" Rainbow Dash remarked. "She's got you brainwashed pretty hard."

"Who does?"

"I rest my case," Rainbow sighed. "Don't worry, AJ. I'll get you to the tower and then—I dunno—I'll get Epcot to look at you or something. She should know how to get you back to normal."

"Erm... if you insist, darlin'..."

"Still, thanks a ton for—like—not yelling your head off and alerting Shindig's subjects."

"Oh, I'd rather not do that." Apple Jewell shuddered, clinging to "the Blue Jay" as they paused by another hallway corner. "As much as I object to this situation, I do very much hate conflict."

"Okay, for real, just what did Shindig do to you?!" Rainbow frowned. "Did they cram cider through your brain noodle or subject you to a Nickelbuck marathon?"

"I beg y—..." Apple Jewell winced. "Would you... erm... care to explain, sugarcube?"

"The Applejack I know is... y'know... stronger than this!" Rainbow's voice cracked as she snuck the two of them past a final chamber and towards the balcony where the pegasus first entered. "She takes a licking and keeps on ticking!"

"My goodness!" Apple Jewell blushed like a beet. "How uncouth!"

"Rrrrrgh!" Rainbow snarled. "We're going to get to the bottom of this! I swear!"

"I really don't know why you're so worked up, darlin'," Apple Jewell said.

"No..." Rainbow sighed, ears folding back. "Of course you wouldn't."

"Maybe if you just surrendered to Queen Shindig, she would have mercy on you and the rest of the Blue Jay's gang!"

"Uh uh..."

"She'd even extend a hoof of welcome to the Red Rook—!"

"There's only one way we're achieving grace." Rainbow Dash burst the two of them out onto the balcony. The nightly wind of the canyon blew at their manes. "We gotta take a leap of faith and find it."

"I do truly hope you are being figurative," Apple Jewell stammered. She pivoted around, squinting at the edges of the balcony. "Where, pray tell, is your gyrocopter, ruffian?"

Rainbow held Apple Jewell close. "I've got your gyrocopter right here." With that said, she extended her leather wings and plunged the two of them over the edge.

The heights of Philanthropy echoed with the Cider Princess' distressed screams as Rainbow Dash dove the two of them past several skyscrapers and towards the other edge of the suspended maretropolis.

Courting?

"Mmmmmmmmm...!" Apple Jewell squealed, eyes clenched shut as she curled up into a frightened, orange ball. After several prolonged seconds, she gasped for breath, then blinked at her surroundings.

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash stared at her dully from where she perched on the edge of a random skyscraper's lofty balcony.

Muzzle agape, Apple Jewell exhaled, then straightened her golden bangs. "My stars and garters! I thought that would never end! Have we arrived?"

"No," Rainbow droned.

"No?"

"We're about halfway there," Rainbow said.

"Why d-did you stop flying?"

"So you could stop screaming." Rainbow frowned. "For real. You were like a friggin' sissy siren the whole way here."

"Yes, well..." Apple Jewell sat up, prim and proper, smoothing out the folds of her gown. "The advent of certain peril does leave one feelin' noticeably excited-like."

"Don't you even hear yourself?" Rainbow murmured, her prismatic bangs blowing in the nightly wind of the canyon. "Even when you try to sound fancy, you've still got... got..."

"Poise?"

"Hardly!" Rainbow's eyes narrowed. "It's like someone shoved a whole bunch of country twang straight into one of those sappy romance novels that Rarity keeps lying around the Boutique!" She instantly grimaced, fidgeting. "Erm... n-not that I've ever... glanced through any of them, or nothin'..."

"You are not quite what I expected, Blue Jay," Apple Jewell said. "There's a certain chivalry about you, but it's off-set by a brutish demeanor. Why, I'd say if you weren't quite so adorably tiny, I'd be in much more fear for my—"

"I'm not gonna hurt you!" Rainbow snarled, making the Cider Princess flinch. Her eyes rolled. "Celestia on a bike, girl! That's not how this game is played, so stop using that lame card, will ya?" She stared off, nostrils flaring. About five seconds later, she bit her lip, glancing sideways at Apple Jewell with a tiny blush. "You... y-you really think it's adorable?"

"Ermmm..."

"Guhhh..." Rainbow Dash deflated, groaning into her forelimbs as her fake wings dangled at her side. "What's the use? This whole situation is bucked... at least until I get Epcot to look at you."

"And who is this Epcot, pray tell? Some sort of roguish thief like yourself?"

Rainbow stole a lethargic peek at the elegant mare. "You really... really don't have any of AJ in there, do you?"

Apple Jewell slowly shook her head. "My deepest apologies, darlin'. I'm afraid I ain't got no recollection of this... this—"

"Applejack."

The Cider Princess gulped. "Right. Is she a friend of yers?"

"Hmmmmmm..." Rainbow exhaled, staring at the hovering cityscape with melancholic eyes. "...that's one way of putting it."

"A sister?"

"HAH!" Rainbow grinned wide, her ears twitching as he rolled her eyes again. "Haaaaah hah hah hah hah! Ohhhhhhhhhhh noooooo. No no no no no... not a sister." She slicked her bangs back. "Whew..."

"Well, I can't imagine what would ever have gotten you t'think that we're one in the same, sugarcube," Apple Jewell said. "I ain't got much to go on, and somethin' tells me you dun either."

"Pfft! Don't be crazy! I—!" Rainbow turned towards her, blinking.

Apple Jewell stared back, gracefully silent.

Rainbow gulped. "It doesn't matter. I would... do anything to get her back." She took a deep breath. "And whether you believe it or not, you're my ticket to doing just that."

"Sounds like yer the one who wants to use me, not Shindig, darlin'."

"Mrmmff... yeah, well..." Rainbow pawed at the balcony's edge. "I'm sorry that you feel that way."

"Just what is this 'Applejack' like?"

Rainbow jerked her a blank glance.

Apple Jewell gently shrugged. "Well, if I'm to help you in retrievin' her somehow, than I reckon I ought to know why."

Rainbow stared at the mare. She opened her lips, hesitated, then waited until a gust of wind had finished blowing before she finally spoke.

"Applejack is... by far... the best pony I have ever known," Rainbow Dash said. "Her honesty makes me honored to be her friend. Her courage gives me a challenge to improve myself everyday. Her... loyalty puts me to shame... but also makes me feel super crazy blessed to be her friend. I... I'm an awesome pony, and I love to win. But my life is... well... it's pretty messed up in places. And... erm..."

Apple Jewell cocked her head to the side, listening calmly.

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. She looked off, her voice low and breathy. "...sometimes, winning hasn't felt all that it's cracked up to be, because if I'm still the same pony with the same life at the end of the race, then no matter how awesomely I've managed to get there, it just doesn't seem any less lame." She shook her head. "Not without her. Cuz... there's nothing higher... nothing and nopony higher worth winning. And... and even as senseless as it sounds... I just can't not believe in that." She gulped. "With every fiber in my being."

If it was silent after Rainbow's rambling speech, she couldn't tell. Her pulse was beating too loudly against her eardrums. About three breaths later, her body had calmed in time to hear Apple Jewell speak.

"It's a shame yer friend ain't around to hear ya say that, darlin'."

"I know," Rainbow muttered, eyes dull and dead. "It's why I said it."

Apple Jewell smiled. "But, for what it's worth, I do hope you find Applejack."

Rainbow looked up. "Yeah..." Her voice wavered sightly, and she sniffled. "I hope I find her too."

Apple Jewell stood up, wobbing slightly in her crystalline heels. Then, after gathering a breath, she stood up straight with her nose upturned. "Okay. I do believe I have properly collected myself for the rest of this here abduction."

"Hrmmmf..." Rainbow Dash smirked, getting up and cracking her joints. "There you go again."

"Oh?"

With a sigh, the mare grasped the Princess with her forelimbs. "Just try not to scream the rest of the way, alright?"

"Ermmm..." Apple Jewell's powdered freckles went rosy. "No promises, darlin'."

"That makes the two of us." Then, holding her breath, Rainbow kicked the two of them off the balcony and glided for the clock tower in the distance.

From Tower to Tower

"Places! Places, everypony! Okay!" Epcot grinned brightly, raising her two hooves in front of her like a conductor. "Just like I taught you! Now... repeat after me..." She inhaled deeply, then sang, "Imaaaaaaaaaaaaaginationnnnnnnnnn. Imaaaaaaaaaaginationnnnnnnnnn...."

Mulia, Gustave, and Donut Joe sat side by side in the center of the hollow clock tower. Rather lethargically, they chimed in: "A dream can be a dream come truuuuuuue. With just that spark—in me and youuuuu."

"Heeeheeee!" Epcot shimmied in place, skirts flouncing. "You did it! You did it! Now, was that so hard?"

"Mrrrffgh..." Donut Joe facehoofed, blinking blearily. "Somepony kill me now."

"Beats being stuck in a cage, no?" Gustave remarked.

Mulia raised her hoof. "Uhm... Miss Epcot? Could we try that 'Vistas de Mexicolt' song that you taught us instead?"

Epcot's eyes briefly flickered like red hot coals. "My little mule, nopony sings 'Vistas de Mexicolt' anymore. Nopony."

Mulia's ears drooped back as she hung her head. "S-sorry..."

"Heeheehee!" Epcot reached forward and patted her skull. "It's okay! It's not your fault you were born mortal!" She twirled about with a smile. "Mr. Leaves? Would you like to join in? You can sing all of Dreamfinder's lines!"

"Not right now..." Stu Leaves leaned against his dormant armor, staring out through the refracting translucent walls of the tower. "I think something's flying this way."

"Oh?" Mulia craned her neck to see. "Is it Rainbow Dash?"

"Nah, I don't think so," Stu said, shaking her head. "I've never known her to look so... poofy."

"Buh?" Donut Joe blinked.

"Er... wait a second..." Stu Leaves stood up straight. Pretty soon, he flinched and dove towards the side. "Look out—!"

FWOOOSH! Rainbow Dash and Apple Jewell came sailing into the tower, nearly clipping the heads of the four ponies and chaperone.

"Eeeeeeeeeeep!" Apple Jewell shrieked before the two collapsed against the floor and rolled to an awkward stop. "Guh! Applesauce!"

"Aaaaaaaaaaieee!" Mulia kicked her hooves, eyes clenched shut. "We're under attack! I knew it! It's back to the cave and moldy oats forever!"

"Shhhhhhh!" Gustave covered her muzzle with a talon. "Calm yourself, Mademoiselle! It is simply Rainbow Dash!" He turned towards the scene with a beaked smile. "With a certain prize, I might add."

"Whoah, for real?!" Donut Joe stepped up, grinning. "You got her?!"

"Apple... Applejack...?!" Stu Leaves trotted up, muzzle agape. "AJ, is that you?" He reached a hoof out.

"Mrmmff..." Apple Jewell swam her way out of her collapsed skirts. She reached out blindly, taking Stu's hoof. As he helped her up, she looked into his eyes, blinking.

Stu Leaves blinked back. "Applejack, you're... you're..."

The Cider Princess stood in dead silence. She blushed, then backed away from Stu before curtseying. "On behalf of Queen Serenity, I greet you, noble vagabonds."

"Erm..." Donut Joe shifted nervously. "Why do I not like the sound of that?"

"Rainbow Dash?!" Stu gulped and nervously throated, "What the buck, girl...?!"

"Gnnghhh..." Rainbow Dash finally stood up, folding back her artificial wings. "I'm just as confused as you are, Stu."

"You grabbed the wrong AJ!" Stu exclaimed.

"Huh? What?!" Rainbow frowned. "No I didn't!"

"Then why's she dressed like that and acting this way?!"

"Duh! Cuz she's the Cider Princess, ya pigeon huffer!"

"Rainbow Dash, we're stuck in a giant dream world run by Shindig's... mfmfg—brain power!" Stu pointed at the regal mare. "How do we know this isn't just another projection?! And you brought it right here?!"

"Stu, believe it or not, this is the real deal."

"But how do you know—?"

"Because I just do, okay?!" Rainbow snapped.

Stu winced, reeling back.

Rainbow took a deep breath. "It's just that... that..." She sighed. "The real deal is really screwed up... in the head, I mean. Shindig's... done something to her. Really bad."

"That... that's horrible..." Stu Leaves grimaced. He gazed at Apple Jewell with moist eyes. "Applejack, if you're in there somewhere..." He gulped. "Please... hold on. We're going to get you out. Your friends are here, and we'll get you home!"

Apple Jewell straightened her tiara. "But I am home, good sir. Or—at least—a few windy blocks from it." She pivoted about, staring at the undulating translucent walls. "What an intriguing domain. No doubt some magnificent Blue Jay witchraft."

"Do we really have to wait on her to get her senses straight?" Donut Joe muttered. "I mean, there are plenty of Equestrian psychiatrists who can do a number on all of us. So can we just awake already?!"

"You shut your Donut Hole... er... D-donut." Rainbow nevertheless shrugged her shoulders with a frown. "There's only one way out of here, and it's with all of us in our original shape. Epcot?"

"Hmmmmm..." The Chaperone trotted tightly around the elegant mare. "She's certainly got a dense shell of psionic constructs all around her."

"Ah jeez..." Stu blanched. "We're never going to free her, are we?!"

Epcot giggled. "I was talking about the frilly skirt, silly!" She nevertheless turned to scrutinize Apple Jewell again. "But, I'm sensing something quite... unique about her."

"It is Applejack, though?" Mulia Mild spoke up. "Rainbow and Mr. Leaves' friend?"

"Oh! Most definitely!" Epcot said with a grin. "But it would seem as though Shindig has constructed a very specific sim just for her."

"Right," Rainbow Dash said with a nod. "And all of her close friends and family appear all across it—"

"No no, I do not mean the epic artifice that is Philanthropy," Epcot said. She reached a hoof up and tapped the princess' skull. "I mean the dream that has been placed here... ensnaring your honest and dependable friend like a cocoon!"

"Wait wait wait..." Stu Leaves held his hooves out. "...you mean to say that she's wearing more than a princess gown?" His eyes narrowed. "She's wearing a dream?"

"Mmmmm... it would appear so." Epcot nodded. "Some ancient alicorns hid themselves in pocket dreams-within-dreams in order to enjoy solitude from the rest of the constructs and their inhabitants. It would appear as though—in a very short span of time—Shindig has learned to master the same thing, only she's chosen to utilize this gift as fetters for another dreamer." She shook her head. "Tsk tsk... what a shame."

"Okay..." Rainbow Dash took a shuddering breath. "So, Epcot, how do we... y'know... doubly wake AJ?"

"Hmmmmm..."

"Epcot?" Stu murmured.

The chaperone fidgeted. "That's just the thing. I'm not even sure we can..."

More Than a Fashion Statement

"Okay... let's go over this one last time..." Stu Leaves paced and paced around the floor of the tower. "...Applejack is... like... bottled in a dream... within a dream?!" He spun about, grimacing.

"Erm... somewhat," Epcot said, fidgeting. The hint of sunlight glistened off the rooftops of Philanthropy's spires behind her. "In mortal terms, it's as if she's wearing a dream for a cloak, and that coat is acting as Shindig's way of shielding her from common lucidity."

Stu gawked, blinking.

Rainbow Dash sat on her haunches, forelimbs folded.

In the far corner, Donut Joe, Mulia Mild, and Gustave Le Grande sat back to back, yawning and fighting sleep.

"Although, I suppose if you got to the nitty gritty," Epcot said, "she's currently suspended in a limbo state formed by the barriers between the subconscious realm and the dimensional fabric that acts as the fulcrum upon which the entire universe hinges—"

"Thank you, Epcot," Rainbow grumbled, leaning a chin on her forelimbs. "We get it," she said, sighing. "As much of it as we can get."

Apple Jewell stood in the center of the group, as awake as ever. "I really don't see what all the fuss is about. It's quite flatterin' that y'all would worry about me so, but—I assure you—I'm as much me as me will ever be!"

"But that's not true, Applejack!" Stu Leaves exclaimed, leaning towards her with a wretching expression. "Don't you even hear yourself? You're... y-you're you! I mean... not the you that Shindig wants you to be—"

"The Queen has only ever taken care of me good and proper—"

"Yeah—only to sacrifice you in order to create some crazy dream heaven!"

Rainbow Dash bit her lip.

Apple Jewell narrowed her eyes. "You certainly have a fancy imagination, good sir. Reckon you've been in the company of the Blue Jay an awful lot."

"You're darn right I've been with Rainbow Dash all this time!" Stu Leaves said, pointing. "We only want to save you, girl!"

"There's that name again..." Apple Jewell pivoted her gaze, blinking at the pegasus in question. "Do you ever run out of aliases?"

Rainbow sighed, glancing back at Epcot. "If Shindig put her in this... dream cloak... does that mean she's the one who can take her out?"

Epcot shrugged. "Theoretically. I've ever witnessed anything quite like this before."

"For real?" Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "Not in your eons upon eons of chaperoning?"

"Sorry, Rainbow Dash," Epcot said, shaking her head. "But the alicorns never put one another into a nonconsensual dream state. It truly is remarkable. I suppose—in theory—Shindig could bring Apple Jewell out of her pocket. But I wouldn't even begin to guess how such would be accomplished, because I wasn't there to witness the methods the Queen employed in sealing Applejack there to begin with."

"Nrnnnghhh..." Rainbow Dash buried her face in her forelimbs.

Stu gulped. "Epcot..." He paced over, lowering the tone in his voice. "If we simply... took Applejack out of the dream state—I mean as she is..." His eyes narrowed. "What would happen?"

Rainbow quietly peeked up at the conversation.

"Well, this dream-state that Shindig has your friend in is completely reprogramming her mind and personality," Epcot explained. "It's quite possible that—if removed from this realm—her mortal body would be forced to acclimate to the altered consciousness."

"Would she... ever become Applejack again?" Stu asked. "In time?"

Epcot shrugged with a helpless smile. "I cannot pretend to say. However, it's quite possible that the shock of the transfer might not bode well for her body."

"Meaning...?"

"She'd become comatose."

Stu's eyes twitched.

Rainbow gulped. "Coma... tose...?"

"If it's the best way her mind and body can deal, then—yes—it's quite possible."

"Good heavens!" Apple Jewell turned to gawk at the to wingless pegasi. "You don't truly intend to do that to me, do you?"

"No..." Rainbow Dash shuddered. "We certainly don't..."

Stu twirled about, frowning in Rainbow's direction. "Then the solution's simple! We gotta wrangle up Shindig!"

"Stu..." Rainbow sighed. "I've seen the Queen in person. She's obsessed with this whole situation. She even has a friggin' death door."

"Death door...?"

"Basically..." Rainbow stood up, sighing. "She's friggin' insane. There's no way in Tartarus she'll let go of her Cider Princess, much less teach us how to bring Applejack back out of the whole mess."

"But isn't it worth a try?!" Stu barked. "I mean, you're the Blue Jay! I'm the Red Rook! We're who we are in this dream for a reason!"

"Stu..."

"So let's kick flank and get Shindig to change things back so we can get out of here and bring Applejack with us!"

"Nothing would give me better pleasure than tearing this place apart at the foundations!"

"Then why are you holding back, Rainbow?!"

"I'm not, Stu!" Rainbow frowned. "It's just... Applejack's friggin' brain is on the line!" She pointed at the mare. "There's gotta be another way around this! Maybe if we—I dunno—brought Epcot to Shindig's office and got her to study her notes or something. Certainly these creeps are dumb enough to have a weakness somewhere!"

"Actually, if you would like to meet my beloved Queen, you needn't fuss so much," Apple Jewell said.

Stu and Rainbow looked at her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Stu asked.

"You... you can make her have a meeting with us?" Rainbow remarked, eyes narrow.

"Oh, no no no..." Apple Jewell waved a dainty hoof. "What I mean is, she will be here soon." Just then, her tiara began flashing, filling the air with a magical chime. "Mmmm... please, dun be mad, y'all."

Donut Joe and the other two sat up, eyes blinking wide.

"Uhhhhh..." Stu Leaves gazed at the princessy headpiece.

"Epcot?!" Rainbow stammered.

"Hmmmm..." Epcot reached in, picked the tiara off Apple Jewell's blonde head, and turned it around in her grasp. "Well, what do you know?" She looked up at the group, smiling. "What a curious enchantment!"

"Enchantment..." Rainbow murmured. Just then, the hairs on the back of her neck raised. She twirled around, and her jaw fell.

A squadron of gyrocopters closed in all around the clock tower. Uniformed officers of the Philanthropy Defense Ministry rushed the exterior of the bastion.

"Just relax, everypony," Apple Jewell calmly spoke. "If y'all dun fight, Queen Shindig will be mighty merciful." She squirmed slightly in her dress. "At least... I-I think so..."

"That's my secret, Blue Jay. I'm always stupid."

"That's my secret, Blue Jay. I'm always stupid."

While gyrocopters streamed ahead, circling the clock tower from all sides, droves upon droves of uniformed ponies with steam-powered rifles filled the adjacent city streets and platforms. Meanwhile, a single vehicle rolled forward, running off an internal combustion engine. The cabin doors opened, and Flim and Flam leaned out, glaring up at the tower while the wagon rolled to a stop.

"Crkkkk!" Sound crackled out of a megaphone in Flam's grasp. He gave the apparatus shake, then barked through the mic: "Blue Jay! We know you have the heir to Philanthropy in your putrid hiding spot! Give up the Cider Princess at once! Or else!"

"Are you serious, dear brother?" Flim asked, peering over the top of the wagon. "You're actually going to negotiate with these neer-do-wacks?"

Flam held a hoof over the megaphone's mic. "Of course not, Flamaroo. But it's best that they not expect the volley of burning steam death."

"Ah." Flim nodded. "Brilliant!"

"Bombs are always brilliant." Flam glanced aside, gestured at a group of officers, then brought his mustached muzzle back to the megaphone. "This is your final warning..."

Meanwhile, three separate groups of ponies worked as a group, preparing a series of steam-powered mortar cannons.

"...out with the cider lass or out with your organs!" Flam's voice echoed.

"Ohhhhh cow cookies!" Mulia Mild whimpered. "It's over! We're dream food! Soon to be nightmare sprinkles!"

"Don't steal all the 'sprinkles' metaphors!" Donut Joe's voice cracked. "I wanna die with an ounce of charm, lady!"

"Oh, they might kill the ponies in our group—but I just know they're going to stuff me and prop my body in the corner of a library!" Gustave Le Grande wailed.

"Will everypony just calm down?!" Rainbow Dash barked, pacing between Epcot and Apple Jewell. "We can... uhhh... we c-can still make it out of this!"

"How?!" Joe growled. He pointed wildly at the swarm of gyrocopters circling the tower. "I mean... for real... how?!"

Apple Jewell coughed daintily. "Again, I'm quite certain a great deal of mercy would be shown if you simply gave yourselves in—"

"Oh stuff it!" Gustave frowned beneath his beak. "You're the reason we're in this mess!"

"Hey, lay off!" Rainbow snarled in the griffon's face, making the cook cower with shivering feathers. "It's not her fault! She isn't even herself right now!"

"Yeah?" Joe frowned from the side. "Maybe you shoulda thought of that before you risked all our... guh... s-soul shells in a crazy attempt to rescue her!"

"Everypony... please..." Stu Leaves pleaded from the edge of the translucent walls. "Can we please stop biting each other's heads off?! We've got worse things to deal with."

Epcot suddenly gasped, her purple pupils shrinking. "I think the time to deal with it was about three seconds ago."

Everypony heard a distinct whistling noise. They looked up to see a barrage of explosives sailing their way, trailing smoke and exhaust.

"But... but..." Stu Leaves stammered, lip quivering. "...their Princess is in this tower too!"

"Never underestimate the power of crazy," Rainbow said.

"Hit the deck!" Donut Joe shouted, shoving Mulia and Gustave to the floor with him.

Epcot turned into a steaming ball while, Rainbow Dash galloped for a yelping Apple Jewell.

Panting, Stu looked every which way. He spotted his Red Rook armor, then dashed straight for it—

POWWW! The shells hit.

"Gaaah!" Stu shrieked, his body flying forward under a spray of burning mortar.

Everypony watched from the outside as the tower collapsed, falling straight down in a cloud of dust and steam. Uniformed equines gawked. Citizens watched from balconies several blocks away, eyes wide and lungs frozen.

As the gyrocopters gave the scene a wide berth, Flim and Flam stepped out of their wagon, trotting forward and shielding themselves from the ensuing debris cloud. Once the chaos had finally silenced, Flim shifted nervously.

"A bit overdone, don't you think, brother?"

Flam smirked. "Wait for it..."

A final layer of dust cleared, and the group could see a familiar freckled pony standing atop a hill of debris, virtually untouched. A glowing aura emanated from her crown. Apple Jewell trotted in a circle, looking all around as a sphere of energy slowly faded. The bodies of Rainbow Dash, Mulia Mild, Donut Joe, and Gustave Le Grande laid around her.

Flam glanced aside at Flim, smiling.

"Oooooh..." Flim grinned. "Magical Protective Tiara! I love Princess Tech!"

"Don't we all, ol' chum?" Flam turned towards the gathered officers, then gestured at the ruined pile of the former tower.

The ponies nodded back and trotted forward.

"Mmmff... grnnngh..." Rainbow Dash stirred, wincing. "Stu... Epcot..." Her eyes fluttered open, and she gasped. "Applejack!" She tried hopping up to her hooves—only to jerk to a stop, collapsing. "Guh!" She looked aside to see that a huge chunk of concrete was pinning her artificial wing to the ground. "Dang it! Stu?! Epcot?! Speak to me! Where are you guys?"

"Let it go, Blue Jay."

Rainbow Dash looked up, muzzle agape.

Apple Jewell gazed calmly upon the mare while soldiers closed in from all sides. "I can respect a certain nobility 'bout yer ways, even charm. But simply t'ain't yer place to decide my destiny. Tomorrow mornin', I'm bein' coronated. You could have been a loyal servant of Philanthropy." Apple Jewell sighed. "It's a cryin' shame..."

Rainbow gritted her teeth, seething. "The only shame here... is how loss they've made you."

"It's family, Blue Jay," Apple Jewell said. "You wouldn't understand."

"I understand plenty!" Rainbow snarled. "Family is built on honesty, love, and respect! Not steam and bullets!" Her eyes narrowed. "You taught me that. Applejack."

Apple Jewell's lips pursed. Her freckles disappeared in a pale expression as she gazed off past the smoke and dust.

The soldiers came closer, their hooves crunching through glass and rubble.

"Mrnnngh... grnnngh!" Rainbow yanked and fought and struggled to pull herself free. Gustave, Joe, and Mulia stirred painfully, gradually coming to.

Apple Jewell bit her lip. She turned her head towards the officers. "Wait! Everypony, please! Stand down..."

They kept marching forward, guns trained on the group.

"I mean it!" Apple Jewell frowned, waving a hoof. "I am yer Cider Princess and I'm orderin you to stand—"

SMASSSSH!

Apple Jewell fell back with a shriek, landing against Rainbow Dash. "...down!" the Princess wheezed.

Rainbow Dash gawked past her, watching as a metal monstrosity burst up out of the ground. Whirring and spitting up steam, the Red Rook emerged, looming above the breathless officers.

Flim and Flam's eyes widened from a distance.

"Grnnngh!" Whirrrrr! Ch-Chtungg! Stu Leaves leaned his mech up, the joints grinding as the bruised pegasus inside glared out at the group. He stood between the officers and the group of bruised dreamers. "You know..." He spat some blood out and wiped his soot-stained chin on his shoulder. "...I don't get angry often, but when I do..."

The entire platform shook as he thundered across the concrete, charging the hapless soldiers.

Stomp stomp stomp stomp!

"Rrrr-RAAAAAAUGH!" Stu bellowed as he swung his first punch, sending bodies flying in a concussive wave of steam and metal.

Still No Comment

Rainbow regretted blinking, for she already lost count of how many agents of Philanthropy Stu Leaves had sent flying towards the far reaches of the city. Within the next five heartbeats, the stallion's mech had deflected a wave of steam bullets, charged through a phalanx of shrieking officers, and then slammed his metal fists into the floor—sending a huge crack spreading through the platform that ran underneath the wagon of Flim and Flam.

The brothers dove in opposite directions—yelping. As their wagon was reduced to shrapnel, the "Red Rook" slid to a stop, picked up a cluster of metal, and flung it at the gyrocopters soaring overhead.

"Raaaaaaaugh!"

The vehicles attempted to dodge. Two of them were skewered by the spread of projectiles, and they went sailing off to a smoldering fate. Ka-powww!

Burning ashes fell across the rubble pile that was left of the clock tower. Underneath this hideous rain, Rainbow Dash flinched, fighting and struggling to pull her artificial wing loose from the chunk of debris that was anchoring her down. After several grunts and hissing breaths, she finally popped free—but not of her own volition. A hovering sphere of metal and steam had shoved the debris away.

While Stu kept smashing armored ponies into oblivion, Epcot materialized before Rainbow Dash with a gasp. "Holy Figment!" She grinned. "I haven't seen this much destruction since the Millenial Sign! Your friend sure has some imagination!"

"Yeah, he's a regular John Lassetrot!" Rainbow grumbled, rushing towards her fallen comrades. She tried pulling Donut Joe to his hooves. "Quick, Epcot! Help me with these—"

Pow! A weighted net flew in and covered Epcot from head to tail. She fell to the floor, writhing in the snare. "Ooomf! Hey... uhm... how do you mortals put it? Oh right." She took a deep breath. "EEEEEEEK!"

Rainbow gasped and looked aside. A solid line of uniformed ponies were galloping up. A pair of them readied another net gun. Pow!

Seething, Rainbow ducked the volley, rolled to the side, then galloped forward. "Grnnngh—Not today!" She twirled and bucked one soldier upside the head, knocking his helmet off.

Two more lunged at the "Blue Jay's" side. Rainbow parried their attack, headbutted one, and threw him into the other. As three more attacked, she vaulted over the group, bucked them towards the edge of the platform, then twirled with outstretched wings in time to blow a few more off balance. However, the sheer charge of guards was too much, and Rainbow wasn't her usual dexterous self. She collapsed—grunting—under the weight of nearly half-a-dozen ponies struggling to bind her hooves all at once.

"Rnnngh... grfff! Come on! Dang it!" She panted, glancing over at where several guards were scooping up the unconscious bodies of Joe, Mulia, and Gustave. "No! Celestia darn it! No!" She flung a look towards Apple Jewell.

The Cider Princess stood off to the side while several officers formed a protective circle around her. She watched—her expression pained in the glow of her enchanted tiara.

Rainbow spat, "Whatever happened to being loyal and dependable, huh?! The real Applejack wouldn't st-stand for this nonsense—gaaah!" She face-planted under the weight of the guards.

Apple Jewell gulped. "I'm sorry, darlin'. It really would do y'all good to just give up..."

"Grnnngh..." Rainbow squinted a tearing eye and hissed against the rubble beneath her muzzle. "For you...? Snkkkt—... never."

Apple Jewell blinked.

Stomp stomp stomp...!

Just then, the Cider Princess looked up.

The group huddled over Rainbow glanced over as well.

Barreling through debris and bouncing off steam bullets, the Red Rook came charging up.

Stomp stomp stomp! "Grrrrr-haaaaugh!" Stu Leaves slid through with a swinging metal limb.

The ponies flew off Rainbow's flanks like bowling pins. The Red Rook cover Rainbow with his mechanical body, shielding her as more and more projectiles flew in, sending sparks and bursts of broken steam across his armored figure.

"Ooommf... augh!" he winced in pain.

"Stu!" Rainbow hollered, flinching from the pieces of his mech crumbling to bits all around her. She looked past his legs to see that Flim and Flam had rolled in a gatling gun and were reducing his shell to tin foil. "Ah jeez! I'll... uh... I'll fly out and distract them while you—"

"It's no use, Rainbow," Stu wheezed. "This thing is breaking up all around me! I can barely do another charge!"

"Don't you friggin' quit on me!" Rainbow yelled. "You can still win this!"

"No, Rainbow..." Stu frowned at the ponies escorting Apple Jewell and their unconscious friends away. "I can't." His metal limb grasped the pegasus. "But you can..."

"Huh?" Rainbow gasped, then shrieked as she was flung like a baseball clear off the platform. "Stuuuuuu!"

Broken and venting steam, the Red Rook reeled behind her. "...save the day, Rainbow! It's all yours, girl!"

Rainbow twirled through the air, spotting Stu in a brief blur as he spun to face the forces of Flim and Flam once last time. Within seconds, she was too far away to see or hear anything. All went black, for she had fallen deep within the recesses of the canyon itself, with Philanthropy floating above like a grim ceiling.

End Her, Rook

"Finish him!" Flam shouted above the ensuing melee as the platform rocked and rocked underneath. "Finish that fuddyduddy, already!"

"He's almost down for the count!" Flim added, reloading their gatling gun and swiveling it to face the stumbling Red Rook. "Light him up, my little ponies!"

The air filled with the screams of whizzing bullets. Stu Leaves grunted, limping forward as the hydraulic joints of his mech shattered one after another. Soon, he could only shamble sideways, handicapped by his own weight. Nevertheless—between panting breaths—he summoned the fortitude to knock aside a few more guards as they rushed his figure.

From a distance, Apple Jewell winced. When one bullet grazed Stu's shoulder—filling the air with a splash of crimson—she about shrieked. "Good heavens! Stop this madness at once!" She stumbled forward, stretching a dainty hoof. "Surely the rogue doesn't deserve—"

Flam suddenly rushed in, grasping the Cider Princess' shoulders. "Nope! Best not get too close, my dear! Shindig would never forgive us if a single hair of your precious coat got scalded!"

"But... but..." Apple Jewell blinked, fidgeting. "I reckon I'm perfectly—"

"What kind of brothers would we be if we left you to the whim of dishonored riff-raff?" Flam escorted her far from Flim and the thundering gatling gun. "Now, look away, your Majesty. This is nor for your fair eyes."

The mare's nostrils flared. As she was rushed towards the sidelines, she passed by the guards who were dragging off Gustave, Mulia, Joe, and a certain chaperone. Glancing briefly aside, Apple Jewell took a deep breath... and collapsed. "Ohh! Oh dear!" She chest-planted in the rubble, almost ruining her silken gown. "My heels!"

"Criminy!" Flam stammered above the noise of bullet fire.

"I... I-I can't move!" Apple Jewell whimpered. "Oh, what a distressing situation!"

Two of the guards minding the prisoners instantly stopped what they were doing and rushed over to assist. "Your Majesty! Let us help you!"

"Would you?" Apple Jewell sniffled. "Oh, thank you most kindly. I do declare, I am exceptionally fragile today..." As she shivered, her green eyes wandered past the shoulders of Flam and the two other stallions.

A pair of purple eyes blinked back. Epcot smiled. Then, holding her breath—FLASH!—the chaperone morphed into a steam venting sphere. She twirled and twirled and twirled, venting hot air in every direction. Soon, the roped net ensnaring her caught flame, then dissolved to ash. While the guards weren't looking, she shot up into the air and swiftly bolted away from the scene.

Apple Jewell watched. She blinked, then bore a dainty smile.

SMASSSSH!

She, Flam, and the guards spun about, gasping.

"Rrnnnghh!" Stu Leaves formed a crater in the platform with his metal limbs. At last, torn asunder by gatling gun bullets, his suit peeled away all around him. He slumped out of the mech, collapsing hard to the ground as the noise and chaos finally ended.

"Hold your fire!" Flim shouted. Cracking the joints in his neck, the stallion trotted over from the red hot cannon while all the soldiers around him kept their rifles trained. He approached Stu slowly, icily.

Wheezing, the stallion looked up. His pained eyes were glazed with tears.

"I suppose you think that was pretty heroic what you did just now, eh, boyo?" Flim asked.

Stu shuddered. "Whatever happens..." He gritted his teeth. "Promise me you won't hurt Applejack."

Flim stared. He leaned down, his eyes narrow and icy. "...I make no promises for filth." And he bucked Stu upside the head.

"Grkkk!" Stu's eyes rolled back, and he slumped to the floor, drooling blood.

Apple Jewell wretched in the ensuing silence.

"Ahem..." Flam patted her shoulder and escorted her away. "Come, sister dear. We must get you back to the tower."

"But... b-but all he wanted to do..." Apple Jewell cooed as she was led off. "...was be a hero..."

Dreaded silence fell over the plaza. The Cider Princess was led off, as were the three accomplices to the Red Rook.

Overlooking the scene, perched on a shadowed ledge, Epcot pressed herself to the side of a skyscraper. The construct bit her lip, smoothing the folds of her dress back. Taking a deep breath, she turned about, peering deep into the dark canyon alone. Her purple eyes narrowed on one spot apart from the rest. Then, inhaling long and hard, she dove off the ledge.

The mare morphed into a sphere halfway through her plunge, then zipped off for the darkest reach of the ravine.

Abysmal

Rainbow Dash was alive, though it was the least of her concerns. Her mind was preoccupied with whatever was making a continuous, frail, whimpering noise off to her side.

"Ngrnngh..." The pegasus stirred, gritting her teeth. With weak limbs, she pushed herself up into a sitting position. Her eyes open to a dim gray haze surrounding her at the belly of a stone niche. The mare had survived Stu Leaves' toss; she landed safely at the bottom of the canyon. Perhaps it was from having extended her leather wings to perform a slow glide at the last second. She wasn't certain. All she knew was that she was in a spot where the sunlight barely reached.

Squinting, she tilted her head straight up. Philanthropy was a spider's web of hovering, interconnected platforms strung up in the center of a thin slit of bright morning glow. Rainbow had no idea that the ravine was that deep. It would likely take several minutes to fly back up to the city, and that was with normal wings.

Once again, a persistent whimper tickled Rainbow's ears. She tilted her head aside, squinting.

Something stirred several feet away, its orange body shifting amidst the shadows.

Rainbow's lips pursed. Curiously, she trotted forward on weary limbs, approaching the source of the noise. "Hello...?" She clenched her teeth. "What... who is...?"

The figure instantly jolted. A green eye glistened in the scarce sunlight, and Rainbow saw freckles.

The pegasus gasped, her body freezing in place. "...AJ?"

"Mmmff... guh..." The equine shifted about, pawing at the air with a dainty leg. "...can't... so weak..."

"Applejack!" Rainbow panted, galloping forward. She grasped the hoof. "Omigoshomigoshomigosh! How'd you get down here?! Don't tell me that you..." She froze completely. "...fell."

It was Applejack, and yet it wasn't. Rather—it was a quarter of her: a neck, a forelimb, and half a head. When her skull turned towards the light, it cut off completely mid-muzzle. The fuzzy orange flesh ended on a knife's edge, and the rest of her fractured body was hollow and gray, like a plaster shell. That, however, didn't stop the abominable sliver of a mare from grasping Rainbow's hoof with her one good limb.

"...must... powder my nose," the mare struggled to speak with half a mouth. "...for the Queen. Shindig always... grnnngh... tells me to present myself like a good Princess..."

Rainbow Dash's muzzle quivered in horror. She backed up, only to see the shattered thing dragging after her. With a squeak, she flinched back, shaking Apple Jewell's grip from her limb. Shadows were stirring all around her. Without meaning to, Rainbow Dash tripped over a pair of legs. She looked down to see a hollow orange flank flopping around like a shattered dinner plate. Just then, to her immediate left, more fractured farm mares writhed, squirming out of the shadows.

"Mama..." One hissed, its mouth moving beneath a shattered forehead. It pulled itself across the dark shoals with a stubby limb. "...please let me b-back inside. I promise to practice my etiquette."

"Fifty times for each lock," gurgled another shell of an equine, hobbling towards Rainbow Dash and grasping her forelimbs, pleading. "Brush every one before bed! I'll be good in time for y'all's coronation! Snkkkt—you'll see!"

"Please dun leave me, Mama!" A fractured head at the end of a thrashing neck wriggled between two rocks, its brittle ears falling apart. "We c-can still bring glory to Philanthropy!"

Rainbow was hyperventilating at this point. She backed up, only to feel more and more orange limbs grasping her from the crevices with arachnid desperation. She yelped and tried flapping wings that weren't there. She galloped forward, jumped high, but only managed to glide into a boulder before rolling ineffectually towards the ground. She grimaced in pain, feeling the pieces of Apple Jewell worming towards her from all sides. Panting, she climbed up onto the boulder and curled up into a ball, hugging herself. Her bloodshot eyes gazed at the figures lurching in closer and closer.

"Mama... please..."

"I'll be the best Princess, Mama..."

"I st-still love you. Dun be mad..."

Whimpering, Rainbow clamped a pair of hooves over her ears and clenched her eyes shut. The cries of the Apple Jewells turned to wails, echoing all around her.

That is... until a steaming sphere flew down, piercing the scene with a whistling hiss. The chaperone materialized on a fallen piece of metal pipework, gazing all around. "Rainbow Dash...?!"

The pegasus' eyes flew open. She looked over, shivering. "Epcot... Epcot!" she hollered.

The construct looked over. She saw the figures worming towards Rainbow Dash. Taking a deep breath—FLASH!—she converted back into a sphere and dove low.

Rainbow flung her arms out and caught the steaming object before the crowd of orange figures could reach her. As Epcot carried the two of them higher, Rainbow gazed down in horror at a veritable sea of Apple Jewells rising up like the tide, each and every one of them like a porcelain doll dropped from a great height and shattered.

Seconds later, Epcot found a cliff within the canyon wall with enough space for the two of them. It was far too high for any of the abominations to reach, so she touched down and materialized besides Rainbow Dash.

"Whew! That was a close one!" Epcot exclaimed. "While I admire your pegasus friend for his bravado, he could have thought harder before tossing you like a firework!" She smiled. "Still, should have known you would land safely. You're like a little fuzzy cat!" A beat. Epcot blinked curiously. "Rainbow Dash...?"

Still hyperventilating, Rainbow Dash inched away from the nightmarish scene below. "What... wh-what... are th-they?!"

"Hmmm?" Epcot glanced down at the orange figures as they gradually relaxed, disappearing once more into the granite woodwork. "Oh. Failed dreamscapes, I suspect."

"Failed... f-failed..." Rainbow gulped hard. "...dreamscapes?"

"Yup! Remember how I said that Shindig and her sons had programmed Applejack by building a dream within a dream for her?"

"I... I..." Rainbow shuddered. "Sure, y-yeah, but..."

"Well, they're silly mortals to think they could have gotten such a thing accomplished in one shot! Why, it took alicorns ages to perfect Cider Space."

"But they... they all..." Rainbow hissed through her teeth, her irises like pinpricks. "They all look and sound like her."

"But they're not, Rainbow Dash, I assure you," Epcot said.

"They're n-not?"

"Mmm-mmm..." Epcot shook her fuzzy head. "To make the perfect dream to encapsulate Applejack, they had to sculpt an ideal shell, only without a mold. They undoubtedly tried hundreds if not thousands of times before they got the product that now imprisons your friend here in Philanthropy." Epcot gazed down at the canyon floor with a sour frown. "Guess how they decided to deal with all the previous failures. Tsk tsk... such a waste..."

"So, they're just... th-they're just fractured pieces of dreams..." Rainbow gulped. "They're not... they're not..."

"Your friend is up there in the city, and she's in one piece." Epcot smiled. "She'll be the same pony you know once we get that shell shattered, believe me."

Rainbow breathed easier, but no relief came to her face. Instead, her eyes thinned, welling with tears. She grimaced to the point of her teeth chattering... and simply broke down. Hunched over, the mare cried, quietly... with intermintent voice cracking squeaks.

Epcot gazed thoughtfully at her. A few blinks later, she smiled, crawled over, and hugged the pegasus from behind.

Rainbow inhaled hard, sniffling. She dangled limply in Epcot's hug, her lungs quaking. At last, with a few lasting shudders, she wailed, "I love her... oh goddess I love her so much..."

Epcot was quiet, simply nodding as she held the mare from behind.

"I g-gotta save her, Epcot... I have to..." Rainbow sniffled, tears flowing as she stared pathetically into the ravine. "But I keep screwing up a-a-and it's like she's getting so far away and... and..." She heaved, eyes clenching shut. "...I-I can't even keep Stu and the others safe?! How can expect m-myself to wrench AJ from Shindig's claws?!"

"You will," Epcot said. "You're the best dreamer I've met in eons. You can do anything you set your mind to."

"I can't... I-I can't even tell her..." Rainbow sobbed, ears folding back as she hiccuped into the next few words. "I-I-I can't even share my heart and mind with the mare I love. Not even in my dreams. I can't let myself have it. I hate it." She slammed her hoof against the cliffside, thrashing "I hate myself! I h-hate myself so much!"

"You will not save your friend with that attitude, now will you? Hmmm?" Epcot smiled sweetly, nuzzling the crying mare from behind. "Maybe this is why you're here. Maybe this is why you stumbled my way."

"What... what the h-hay does th-that even mean?"

Epcot grinned. "You needed to find out that you have the power to do what most needs being done." She tilted her head aside, eyes bright and purple. "Perhaps you've always known, but you just needed a reminder."

Rainbow Dash shuddered, gazing painfully into the shadows.

Epcot hugged her tighter, giving her a tiny shake. "You will save your friend, Rainbow Dash. I'll help you in any way you can—if you need it. And then... when you're back in the real world... maybe you can try practicing dreaming without the cider." She winked.

Rainbow Dash took several deep breaths. Despite her sniffles, she rubbed her muzzle dry, bearing the tiniest bit of a frown.

"Hmmm... how curious..."

Rainbow blinked. Swallowing a lump down her throat, she muttered: "Wh-what?"

"Immortals and mortals..." Epcot hummed. "You both need hugs equally... but mortals always seem to ask for it less." She shrugged, nuzzling Rainbow Dash again. "Just funny, is all..."

Rainbow grumbled. "Yeah, well..." The tiniest of smiles crossed her wet muzzle. "...you have a stiff sense of humor."

Epcot gently nodded. "One hundred thousand years is a tough crowd..."

All As It Should Be

The door opened, and immediately Queen Shindig gasped.

"Apple Jewell!" The alicorn lunged forward, wings spread. She hugged the dainty mare close to her, nearly lifting the Cider Princess off her hooves inside the suites of Shindig's Tower. "Oh, blessed orchards, I thought I lost you!"

"Mmmmm..." Apple Jewell huffed slightly, stepping back out of the hug and straightening her mane. "A thousand pardons, Momma. I woulda gotten yer attention sooner if I wasn't sure how much trouble it would have caused."

"And those ruffians certainly caused trouble, alright," Shindig said with a frown. She nodded towards the guards who had escorted Apple Jewell safely. As the stallions trotted off, she closed the door with her magic and paced back to a plush couch, guiding Apple Jewell along with her. "Flim and Flam told me all about it. That blasted Blue Jay! If she and her band of rogues haven't learned better from all of this trauma and turmoil... I swear by all that is holy..."

"You musn't fret, Momma," Apple Jewell said, stumbling to keep up with the mare. She winced in her heels, clearing her throat in time to say: "They hurt no single hair on my head. They did—however—talk an awful lot of mumbo jumbo and argue to the burstin' point."

"Well, what else can one expect from such barbarians?!" Shindig sat on the couch and folded her wings at her side. "I'm just glad they didn't dirty the prize of Philanthropy..." She raised a hoof up to caress Apple Jewell's freckles. "Oh, you sweet... sweet thing." The Queen smiled. "I honestly don't know what I'd do if they took you from me permanently."

"Reckon yer right." Apple Jewell nodded. She fidgeted, then grasped Shindig's hoof in her own. "Uhm... Momma... 'bout some of the things they were gabbin' about—"

"Goodness! Is it the afternoon already?!" Shindig stammered. "You must begin the beautification process!"

"Hmmm?" Apple Jewell blinked, then blushed. "Oh! The Coronation!"

"Absolutely!"

"It's still happenin' tomorrow?"

Shindig did a double-take at that. "Why, yes! Why wouldn't it be?"

"Well, I just figured—what—with the way things have gotten heated as of late..." Apple Jewell squirmed, avoiding the Queen's gaze. "I mean... you reckon it's entirely safe anymore?"

"My little pony..." Shindig chuckled, her horn aglow. "I know you've been through an awful lot, and it must be terribly taxing—especially on a Princess with such a dainty complexion, but we mustn't let the enemies of peace and order disrupt the plans we've worked so hard to achieve!"

"Well, I know, but—"

"But nothing. Apple Jewell..." Shindig held her chin. "...look at me."

Eventually, Apple Jewell did so, biting her lip.

Shindig smiled lovingly. "You are a treasure. You're going to bring this family to new heights. Our royal glory lives on because of you and through you. There simply is no other way. Do you understand?"

"So..." Apple Jewell blinked. "...does that mean y'all are dependin' on me?"

"Well, in a way, yes! Yes, you can definitely say that!"

"... ... ..."

"As much as I would love to talk further, we really must get you ready." Shindig smiled. "Tomorrow is the greatest day of your life."

"Erm... r-right. I reckon so."

"And—as your first order, being the Glorious Cider Princess of Philanthropy—you can oversee the execution of the Red Rook and his nefarious followers."

Apple Jewell's ears folded back. "Ex... execution...?!"

"Yes, yes... the Blue Jay got away... again." Shindig huffed. " Otherwise, she'd be swinging from the gallows, too. But, there will come a reckoning for her in due time. Perhaps the example we make of her companions will goad her into turning herself in."

"Erm... maybe... but..." Apple Jewell grimaced. "An execution?"

"If they can't learn their lessons, then I don't see what purpose they serve in our kingdom," Shindig remarked. "Your brothers, Flim and Flam, are already seeing to the matter. You needn't worry about the matter."

"It's..." Apple Jewell gulped. "I'm not worried, Momma. I'm just—" She gasped as she felt a strong pair of wings enfolding around her.

"Ohhhhhh..." Shindig shuddered, her eyes moist as she held the Cider Princess close. "I know you must be terribly afraid. Don't worry. You're safe now. Everypony is safe... and everything is as it should be..."

Apple Jewell nodded. With a sigh, she surrendered into the Queen's warm embrace. "Yer right, Momma," she murmured. "...all as it should be."

Retchpositioning

"From what I can tell, the forces of Shindig have taken your companions," Epcot said. "Under the escort of the mortals named Flim and Flam, of course."

"They certainly are doing a lot of the Queen's dirty work, those two." Rainbow's nostrils flared as she stared up at the thin sliver of light forming along the top of the ravine. "Is it just me, or is it getting darker?"

"A great deal more time has passed by in this dreamscape than you might expect," Epcot replied. "I do believe the aforementioned 'coronation' will be happening in less than eightteen simulated hours."

"Then I guess I'd better start flying," Rainbow Dash said. She paced around the edge of the cliffside where the two were perched, flexing her muscles. "I can't very well do much down here."

"Do you think you can ascend quite so easily?" Epcot asked, purple eyes a-flutter. "Perhaps it'll be better if I give you a bit of a boost... or several."

"That'd be super, super appreciated, girl," Rainbow Dash said with a tired smile. "But, really, I could use your help in another area."

"Just name it and I'll frame it!" Epcot grinned, eyes shut. "Heeheehee...!"

Rainbow exhaled. "I don't suppose you... uh... you g-got any bearings on where exactly Shindig's creepy sons took Stu and the others? Or Applejack, for that matter?"

Epcot gravely shook her head. "I'm very sorry. I was so preoccupied in finding you that I neglected to sense where your mortal companions were being escorted across the dreamscape. Please forgive me, Rainbow Dash." She hung her head, ears folded. "I'm a bad, bad chaperone..."

"Hey... you helped me when I most needed it," Rainbow said, gently laying a hoof on the mare's shoulder. "Besides, everything happened so quickly. It's not like Stu gave either of us a friggin' choice."

"I did linger around long enough to see the fruits of his actions," Epcot said. "Your friend kept the forces of Shindig preoccupied—at least long enough for them to forget about dredging you from the ravine."

"Yeah..." Rainbow sighed, nodding slowly. "He really did go out on a limb for me and the others, huh?" She blinked, then paled. "Epcot, is he...? I mean, d-did Stu...?"

Epcot shook her head. "He was alive, last time I checked. I suspect that won't be the case for long, though. It's quite likely that Flim and Flam wish to make an example out of him. Your other friends too."

"Mrmmmfff..." Rainbow rubbed a hoof across her brow. "I hate to say it, but this puts me right back to where I began. All of us are split up and the Coronation's happening even sooner. Heck, I'm worse off than I began!" A blink, and she smiled nervously in the chaperone's direction. "Okay, that's not totally true. I've got you by my side."

Epcot grinned. "Happy to be of service."

"I bet you are. But still..." Epcot paced some more. "...if you're too far away from our buddies to know where they're being taken, then that makes it all the harder for me to find them and free them."

"Erm..." Epcot fidgeted with her dress. "If I may be so bold, Rainbow Dash, I don't think I should be the one you need to depend on for information right now."

"Huh?"

"Think carefully. We've already stumbled upon a source of knowledge on Shindig's way, albeit a fragmented source of knowledge."

Rainbow blinked, confused.

Epcot pointed grimly into the heart of the ravine.

Rainbow turned to gaze at the squirming shapes beyond the shadows. She grimaced. "Awwwww Luna Poop..." She retched, then looked awkwardly at Epcot. "...for real?"

"I'm not quite fond of the prospect either, but we haven't much of a choice now."

Rainbow Dash took a deep, deep breath. She wheezed, then murmured, "For Applejack..."

Epcot smiled gently. "For Applejack."

From One Construct To Another

Rainbow Dash tentatively approached the bottom of the canyon, her leather wings folded at her side. Epcot shuffled not that far behind, remaining close to her mortal friend.

With hard ruby eyes, Rainbow peered into the shadows. A figure shifted just a few meters ahead, and Rainbow shuffled delicately towards it.

As Rainbow came closer, the figure jerked in place, wheezing. "Momma...?" Then, with swiftly shuffling forelimbs, the fractured front half of Apple Jewell came crawling out of the woodwork. Part of her skull had cracked off, allowing one and a half eyes and a crooked smile. Her torso was cut off at the midsection, crumbling off like hollow pottery. "Momma! Momma, you're b-back!"

"Shhhh!" Rainbow Dash squatted low. Hesitantly, she planted her hooves over the fractured dream's forelimbs. Her ruby eyes darted into the distance, spotting the other squirming figures. Then, with a sullen shudder, she bore an awkward smile in the faux Princess' direction. "That's right, darling. Momma's... Momma's here..."

"Oh Momma..." Apple Jewell smiled painfully, her right eye tearing while the left one spasmed against its fractured state. "I knew you'd come back for me! I've waited so long! I promise... grkkk... I-I promise I've been a good Princess!"

"Shhh..." Rainbow Dash leaned in, stroking the freckled cheek in front of her. "Momma knows, darling. Momma trusts you. Which is why Momma has a few questions to ask you."

"Questions?" Apple Jewell's vision bounced between Rainbow Dash and Epcot. "About what?"

Rainbow bit her lip. "Uhmmm... about... about when we used to... train you in etiquette, darling... uhh..."

"Is this a new type of test, Momma?"

"Yes!" Rainbow brightened, shivering slightly. "It's a new type of test!" She winked. "Think you're up for it, my dear?"

"Oh, absolutely, Momma! Anything for you and Philanthropy!"

"Good." Rainbow took a deep breath. "Now... think carefully..." Her eyes narrowed. "...where is the place that Momma and her sons send bad ponies to?"

The broken Apple Jewell blinked. Then she said, "Don't you mean down here, Momma?"

Epcot bit her lip.

"No, darling," Rainbow spoke breathily. "I mean... b-bad ponies who aren't princesses."

"Oh..." Apple Jewell bore a weak smile. "The Undersmog, of course."

"And where is that, darling? Can you remember for Momma?"

"Absolutely!" The half-mare writhed and pointed up with a shivering hoof. "The bottom floors of Shindig Tower! Beneath the belly of Philanthropy!" She giggled, sputtered, and wheezed. "That's where you did away with half the gang of Blue Jay, Momma. What a righteous Queen you are."

"Erm... r-right..." Rainbow nodded. "And do you remember, my little Princess, when and where the Coronation is going to be?"

"Why..." Apple Jewell blinked crookedly. "The Central Ampitheatre of Philanthropy, nine o'clock in the morning." She gulped. "Don't you remember, Momma?"

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, then reached in to pat the mare's fractured forelimb. "You did well, Princess. You passed the test. I'm very proud of you." Shivering, Rainbow made to walk away.

"Momma..." Apple Jewell's voice cracked while tears formed in one of her eyes. "You've been... gone for so long." She sniffled. "Are you going to leave me again?"

Rainbow jerked to a stop, staring off down the ravine. She clenched her eyes shut.

Apple Jewell mewled. "I... I love you so much, Momma. I c-can't bear to be without you again. Please..." She shook and writhed, only for more parts of her to crumble loosely. "...I'd rather stop breathing than bear to be without you for another day..."

Rainbow seethed and seethed. Eyes tearing, she twirled about and marched towards the fractured dream.

Epcot's gray hoof held the pegasus in place.

"No, Rainbow Dash," the chaperone gently said. She bore a delicate smile. "Allow me."

"Epcot..."

"You've dealt with enough for a lifetime, mortal or not," Epcot said, leaning in to nuzzle the other mare. "It's okay."

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. Somberly, she turned away.

Epcot trotted past her. All was silent for a few seconds, until—

"Momma—!"

CRACKKK! The ravine echoed with what sounded like shattered dinner plates, then that part of the canyon was silent.

Rainbow shuddered, her ears folded back. After a few seconds, Epcot shuffled back.

"We can go now if you wish," the chaperone said.

Rainbow gulped a lump down her throat. "You didn't have to do that," she muttered.

"And you didn't have to be here," Epcot replied. "None of you. You perceived the dream was suffering, so I relieved it of its programming."

"How... how could you put it like th-that?" Rainbow murmured.

Epcot shrugged. "We are the dreams, not the dreamers. While a part of me detests that such fellow constructs would be given so little respect, I know that my place is the same as theirs. Perhaps a bit luckier, but still the same."

Rainbow gazed at Epcot with moist eyes. "You are not the same, Epcot."

"Hehehe..." The mare curtsied. "I'm flattered that you would think that, Rainbow. But I am just a chaperone, and my job is to make sure you get through this dream and back to the mortal realm." She winked. "Along with your friends in tow."

"And..." Rainbow Dash exhaled. "Wh-what about you?"

"I'll continue to do what I was built for."

"And that is?"

Epcot grinned. "Making sure that Cider Space remains the happiest place in existence, in case I'm blessed to be visited by another someday." She winked. "Why should I give up hope? You came a long, did you not?"

Rainbow was silent.

"I think we'd best start flying," Epcot said, trotting off. "I don't think I have it in my hooves to smash every fractured dream in."

"Erm... right..." Rainbow nodded, shuffling after her. "Let's get the Tartarus out of here..."

The Elements Ethereal

Slowly, one after another, Stu Leaves' eyes opened.

He wished that they hadn't.

Before him stretched a grungy room, barely lit, lined with rust and grime. Crooked jail bars framed a dank cell dripping with moisture and mildew. Rats scurried along the foundations while the whimpers of ponies lingered in the distance.

With a slight groan, the stallion shifted forward, only to hear the clink of chains. That's how he realized that he was bound to the wall, his forelimbs stretched and dangling from iron fetters. He grunted, writhing slightly, then slumped against his restraints with a sigh.

His peripheral vision caught a hint of shapes. He tilted his head aside, and that's when he saw three familiar figures lying unconscious on the hard floor. Despite theire battered condition, they weren't nearly as severely restrained as he was.

"Hey... Hey!" Stu Leaves hissed. Only when he moved his lips did her realize how bruised his muzzle was. "Grnnngh... Joe... Mulia... Gustave..." He shook and trembled within his restraints. "Can... can any of you move? They... they seem to have did a number on me here..."

"It's for their good as much as yours, buddy boy," said a perfectly healthy voice. "You've gotten them in enough trouble as it is."

Stu froze. Slowly, icily, he tilted his head up.

The bright figures of Flim and Flam came into focus. They stood before him, occupying the space in the jail cell's doorframe. A group of guards lingered on the other side of the grim interior.

"But you needn't fret about that much longer," said Flam. "Your days of getting into trouble will end soon. And so will theirs."

"You..." Stu Leaves' face hung between a grimace and a frown. "What have your Queen done to Applejack?!" he spat.

"Please, my good stallion, don't bring Mommy Dearest into this," Flim said.

"Why shouldn't I?!" Stu growled. "She brought Applejack into this! She brought innocent ponies—"

"—ponies, a griffon, and a mule." Flame raised a hoof. "All from broken families, might I add." He strolled past the quietly shifting bodies of Mulia, Joe, and Gustave. "Take these dandy fellows, for instance. This one's parents died in a fire. This birdy lost his wife and kids to a manticore attack. And Mr. Joe? Pffft... born in a cemetery and will die in a cemetery."

"How..." Stu squinted. "How could you possibly know that about them?"

"It's rather simple!" Flim said with a grin. "Mother knows all about the mortals we've... invited to our festivities. And you know what? We gave them all a far better, far more enjoyable, far happier life here in Cider Space!"

"We even gave you a better life, ol' chap," Flam added with a scathing glare cast in Stu's direction. "The very moment you came here, you were like a fish out of water. Well, we gave you quite a comfortable pool worth swimming in."

"But did you settle for what was made especially for you?" Flim shook his head. "Noooooo..."

"I didn't settle for it because it wasn't real!" Stu barked. "Rainbow Dash showed me! She helped me find my hooves again so we could take down self-righteous idiots who had taken our best friend!"

"Oh, please..." Flam rolled his eyes. "If you cared about your friend so much, you would let her be."

"After all, she's as happy as she'll ever be!" Flim added, ginning brightly. "As the Cider Princess, she has a family! A family that's whole!"

"Just to think..." Flam waved a hoof. "To no longer have to deal with the terrible pain of missing one's parents."

"Such painnnnn..." Flim melodramatically cooed.

"Are you nuts?!" Stu's voice reached an angry pitch. "Applejack is no wilting violet! Yes, what happened to her as a filly may be terrible, but she's a better pony for it! She's strong! She's dependable!" Stu gritted his teeth. "You can't j-just reject what's best about a mare and try to turn her into something she never wanted to be!"

"And that's where you're wrong, boyo," Flam said, trotting forward with a frown. "Just what would you know about the pain that festers in our beloved sister's heart? Oh yes... Mother sees. Mother sees all."

"And we're going to make our sister's dream come true," Flim added. "In a way that you and her so-called-friends never could."

"She's not your sister," Stu snarled.

"Nor is she your marefriend," Flam said with a smirk. "But—if you had stayed in that wintry cabin long enough—maybe you wouldn't have had to fret over that anymore."

"And who robbed that from you, huh?" Flim pointed. "Who got you into the place where you are now?!"

Stu Leaves fumed and fumed. He hung his head.

"Now do you see who the true villain is, my good sir?" Flam asked.

"Yes..." Stu clenched his teeth. "...I see that it's the ponies who've given up all that was good and Equestrian about themselves by forfeiting honesty."

Flim and Flam raised their eyebrows.

Stu tilted his head up, frowning. "And, I'm sorry, but I'm not about to give up on loyalty." He smirked ever so slightly. "I've hung out with too awesome company to ever conceive of that..."

Flam's nostrils flared. "Then you have indeed signed your death warrant." He spun about. "Come, Flim, ol' chum. We've got a coronation to prepare for."

"You'll see your beloved friend again," Flim added in a sing-song tone. "When it comes time for her to oversee your execution."

The two siblings trotted into the dungeon hallway, where the sounds of sobbing voices echoed.

Stu spoke up. "Hey! If this is such a perfect dreamworld, then how come you've got so much suffering?"

Flim and Flam stopped on a dime. They spun to look at Stu with eerily coordinated twirls.

"There will always be suffering," Flam said. "In the real world as much as here."

"Our job—until the day we die—is to make sure Mommy Dearest never experiences it ever again."

Flam tipped his hat. "And you speak so highly of loyalty..."

Clang! The guards slammed the cell doors shut and escorted the brothers away.

Stu hung in silence, aching.

Ballin'

The spires of Shindig Tower split the rays of the setting sun, casting crimson bands of light across the thick platforms surrounding it. The bridges connecting the foundation of the skyscraper to the rest of Philanthropy had been drawn, and ponies in blue uniform were patrolling the outer balconies, their eyes trained to the adjacent walkways and courtyards dangling from the immense iron chains.

Far below this—far below all of this—three concrete stories dangled in darkness. Sporadically placed kerosene lamps were the only things to light the basement levels of the megastructure which—quite literally—extended below the surface platform of the tower. Here, the uppermost basement floor bore wide entrances with runways for uniformed ponies to land their gyrocopters. With the onset of evening, the daily shifts were changing, and several fliers dove down into the ravine only to ascend back up and make a landing on the looming platforms.

All of this, Epcot and Rainbow Dash observed from a faraway crag of rock set within the ravine walls.

"Now I see Shindig's problem!" Epcot grinned. "How can you make a properly-running City of Tomorrow without a true foundation?"

"If you ask me, the rug's been pulled out from underneath her since day one," Rainbow muttered.

"Hmmm?"

"Never mind..." Rainbow sighed, squinting at the gyrocopters as they approached the upper level beneath the platform. "I'm just thinking aloud, is all."

"Golly..." Epcot blinked. "It's not often that I feel stumped by a mortal!"

"You've been hanging around me too much."

"Heehee! And how could that possibly be a complaint?"

"Shhh!" Rainbow ducked low, and she yanked on Epcot's fuzzy mane so that the chaperone would do the same.

Two gyrocopters soared so closely overhead that they blew at the hidden mares' tails. The curved right, arced left, then flew in for a gentle landing.

"No doubt they have guards up the wazoo in that place," Rainbow muttered. "It's not that I'm afraid of headbutting a whole lot of them—I just don't want anything nasty to happen to our friends before we have a chance of saving them."

"Your predilection towards caution is most meritable."

"Yeah, and sometimes you're purple as buck."

"And just what conclusion are you pontificating, exactly?"

"Epcot, help me out here," Rainbow grumbled. "How can we get inside the building without the guards seeing us fly in?"

"Well, it's been a long time since I've ever had to stage a stealthy infiltration of a facility," Epcot said. "And by that, I mean I've never had to."

"Grnnngh..."

"But, I imagine we have two options," Epcot said. "Either we take our sweet precious time and look for an opportunity to present itself, or we choose to go about this hasty with a lot of risks."

Rainbow tilted her head up. "Or..." She smirked as a few shadows passed overhead. "We do both at once."

"Buh?" Epcot buh'd.

"Shhh!" Rainbow gestured. "Ball up. And follow my lead."

Try It; You'll Like It

Along the edge of the uppermost basement plastform, a pair of equines waved burning flares, signaling to those on approach.

"That's our signal," shouted a pilot in the front seat of a gyrocopter. She flung a lever and pivoted the controls, angling the steam-powered vessel towards the opening in the side of the structure beneath Shindig Tower. "Time to bring her in."

"About time!" exclaimed the construct seated behind her. She gripped the back of the seat with her forelimbs while the ship veered in for the final straightaway. "How lucky are we to rein it in overnight, huh?"

"Speak for yourself!" the pilot exclaimed, squinting through her goggles as they approached the platform. "What I wouldn't give to patrol the air streams during the Coronation."

"Oh yeah?"

"If only to get another shot at putting holes in that damned Blue Jay."

"Heheh... yeah, alright."

FWOOSH! A streak of blue blurred by in their peripheral.

"Whoah—Whoah!" The backseat officer spun about, blinking. "Did you see that?"

"Hmm?" The pilot concentrated on the upcoming ledge. "See what?"

"I... I thought I just saw..."

"Shhh! Coming in for a landing!"

"Er. Right. My bad."

The two constructs silenced themselves as the gyrocopter came in for a landing. Its wheels made contact with the long runway beneath the overhang, and the vehicle grinded to a stop, its propellers slowing down.

"Aaaaaaaaand clockwork," the pilot said with a smile.

"Brilliant."

As the two ponies pivoted the vessel towards a loading area, they were oblivious to a blue figure clinging to the rear tail of the craft. Several ponies trotted up to help reel the vehicle in, but Rainbow Dash leapt away before they could come into visual contact with her. Hugging a metal ball to her chest, Rainbow Dash rolled over into the shadows, then pressed her back to a series of metal crates. She panted, listening as various figures shuffled about, continuing to perform mantenance on the parked gyrocopters between shifts.

At last, Rainbow released the sphere, and Epcot materialized into her normal, fuzzy self.

"Whew!" Epcot smiled. "Now I know why you picked Omega Centauri!"

"Shindig and her sons should have hired more living ponies than Silver Shill," Rainbow Dash muttered. "If this is their idea of security, then even Pinkie Pie could have frolicked her way into the weapons armory."

"Who?"

Rainbow sighed. "Never mind. Let's say I really... really... really wanna get out of this place."

Epcot grinned. "One trot at a time. Don't you have a bunch of friends to save the day for?"

"I always have a bunch of friends to save the day for," Rainbow muttered, making a break for the furthest door. "It's part of the charm of being me."

"Heehee!" Epcot galloped after her. "Now that's the spirit!"

"Shhhh!" Rainbow Dash stealthed her way into an adjacent corridor "By the way, not-for-nothin', but you're remarkably cuddly for a brass steam ball."

"Well, I do try."

Mission: DASH

"You look gorgeous, Your Majesty."

"Exquisite as ever, Your Majesty."

"You'll make for the finest Coronation ever, Your Majesty."

"Er... yes. Yes, but of course." Apple Jewell nevertheless fidgeted, her dainty body still drying from an extraordinarily long lavender bath. She sat on a plush stool before her vanity while a throng of hoofmaidens flocked around her, carefully brushing and drying her long golden mane. "Am I to assume that Mother put you all to this?"

"Why, we live to serve, your Majesty," the eldest of the mares said, pausing to curtsey. "The Queen cares for her beloved Princess, and so do we." She resumed her task of curling the ends of Apple Jewell's mane. "You needn't worry about a thing. We'll have you fixed up so that even a night of tossing and turning won't sour your natural beauty."

"When the host of Philanthropy gaze upon you, tomorrow, they shall know who it is they worship," spoke another.

"I... I dunno if I take kindly to the idea of bein' worshipped," Apple Jewell murmured.

One maiden giggled. "Why, whatever makes you say that, Your Majesty?"

Apple Jewell's green eyes fluttered. "I... I dunno..." A dull sigh escaped her lips. "Reckon I'm just tired..."

"You've been through an awful lot," said one mare. She paused to frown. "At the hooves of those savage vagabonds, it's a miracle you emerged without suffering a spell of madness!"

"Erm... right..." Apple Jewell nodded. "Quite true..."

"Hmmm..." One mare's muzzle scrunched. "Could use a few more hairclips." She turned and clapped her hooves. "Oh Olivia....???"

"Comin'!" A tiny set of hooves trotted over. A filly in a servant dress shuffled up to the scene, then bowed low, offering a plate of ornate hairclips balanced on her head.

While the older servant reached for the first of many clips, Apple Jewell tilted her head slightly to the side—at least as much as she could afford to do so while being smothered by hoofmaidens.

The tiny servant noticed Apple Jewell looking at her, and the filly blushed severely, a redness spreading across her yellow cheeks that matched her scarlet mane.

Apple Jewell blinked. "What is yer name, again, lil' one?"

"Hrmmmf?" The filly shivered slightly.

One of the older maids smiled. "Her Majesty asked you a question, darling."

Taking a deep breath, the filly stammered, "Olivia, Your Majesty. Olivia Steamstep."

Apple Jewell's eyes narrowed. "Lemme see yer eyes..."

Biting her lip, the filly humbly oblidged. A pair of amber eyes reflected the Cider Princess' gaze.

Apple Jewell took a deep breath. "A most exquisite color." Her muzzle smiled. "I bet you'd look absolutely adorable with a red bow in yer hair."

"A red bow... yer Majesty?"

Apple Jewell opened her mouth... but hung off an empty breath. She blinked a few more times, then exhaled: "I'm... n-not sure why..."

One of the older maids cleared her throat. "That'll do, Olivia. The Cider Princess is exhausted. We must help her to bed."

"Erm... yes. But of course." The yellow filly backtrotted, bowing once more. "It's been a pleasure, Your Highness."

Apple Jewell gazed into the candle-lit corners of the bedroom while the servants put on the finishing touches to her mane.

Rainbow Dash crept through the grimy corridors of the Shindig Basement Levels. She wasn't alone. Quiet as a stone, Epcot shuffled immediately after her. Together, the pair of ponies descended a set of brass stairs and entered a rust-red metal corridor lined with torches.

"Yeesh." Rainbow Dash shuddered. "It certainly got all Neil Gaimane all of the sudden."

"The facets of a pony's mind manifest themselves with every shade here in Cider Space," Epcot said. She smiled proudly. "I'm actually rather surprised we haven't seen even darker places prior to now."

"You and me both, sister," Rainbow said in a muttering tone. "Here's hoping the 'Leaves' in Stu's name haven't been shredded yet."

"Let us not forget about the other three companions."

"Oh. Yeah." Rainbow nodded while trotting briskly forward. "Those guys too."

The two rounded a set of metal partitions. They came upon a straightaway, at the end of which was a barred gate where three guards mingled besides a candle-lit table. Upon seeing the two mares, the first of the three guards stepped forward.

"Hey hey hey—who are you?"

Rainbow clenched her jaw muscles. "Ball up," she said without losing her stride.

Epcot glanced aside. "Chu?"

"You heard me. Ball up. Now."

Epcot took a breath like she was diving—FLASH!—in an instant, she became a metal spheroid.

Rainbow instantly balanced her on her neck, continuing to trot forward.

"Hey!" The first guard snarled, whipping out a billy club. "I asked you a question!"

"Yeah?" Rainbow rolled the ball up off her head. "I just remembered something." WHANG! She headbutted it.

Swissssh! Epcot flew into the guard's chest, ricocheting off his yelping body.

Rainbow was already kicking off the wall, twirling, and meeting the sphere with a drop-kick. "Rnnngh!"

P-PING! Epcot pinballed off the other two guards' skulls. One stumbled forward into Rainbow Dash just as she dropped down. The pegasus caught the guard's cranium under her forelimb and performed a falling DDT. She kipped up in time to grab the bouncing metal sphere in her hoof and use it to clobber the first guard square in the face. SMACK!

Within seconds, all three bodies collapsed on the floor, falling into groaning unconsciousness.

Rainbow exhaled. "I remembered that I don't give a buck." She dropped Epcot like a potato sack.

Flash!

"Guuuuuuu..." Epcot materialized, teetering wildly.

"You did good, girl," Rainbow said. "Feeling okay?"

"Urp..." Epcot tried to smile, but her violet eyes were twirling too much. "I-I shouldn't have picked the orange card..."

"Come on! I can hear 'em!" Rainbow Dash said, tugging the mare along as the two scurried past the open gate and into the jail cells.

Bedchambering

"We wish you a good night's sleep, your Majesty," said one of the many servants. Standing at the end of the Cider Princess' chamber, the multiple hoofmaidens curtsied as one, then smiled collectively at their ruler-to-be. "May the fortune of Philanthropy shine on you like the moon through your sleep."

"That is... mighty poetic," Apple Jewell remarked. She sat on the edge of her bed, clad in a silk nightgown. She almost raised a hoof up to fuss with her extraordinarily well-kempt mane, but stopped at her second with a nervous titter. Clearing her throat, she bowed her head slightly and said, "Y'all did good. I'll be sure to rely on yer expert graces once I have gotten coronated."

The servant smiled. They turned to leave. Amongst them, a little filly with a yellow coat avoided the Princess' gaze. She twirled towards the exit and shuffled off.

Apple Jewell's lips pursed. She gritted her teeth, then finally blurted, "Wait."

Every servant haulted in place. They turned to look at the Cider Princess. "Your Majesty?"

Adjusting her robe, Apple Jewell stood up. She sauntered forward a few steps. "You..." She pointed at the filly.

The tiny foal's amber eyes blinked, and she pointed at herself.

"Mmmhmmm." Apple Jewell slowly nodded. "Stay for just a moment." Her gaze drifted up. "The rest of y'all, you may leave."

The servants stood in place for a few confused seconds. Nevertheless, they curtsied, then shuffled off. The filly was left alone, trembling noticeably.

"Olivia... Steamstep, was it?" Apple Jewell asked, trotting closer.

"Yes'm, Your Majesty." The filly squirmed, her yellow cheeks turning red. "Have... h-have I done something amiss?"

"No. Not at all, darlin'."

"If... if you d-don't like the hairclips, then I'm certain I-I can have the older servants fetch more!" the child stammered. "Oh, I'm so sorry! This next morning is so important to you! I-I didn't mean to ruin it—"

"Shhhh..." Apple Jewell squatted before the filly, placing a graceful hoof on her shoulder. "Nothin' of the sort, sugarcube." The Cider Princess smiled. "As a matter fact, I'm mighty touched at yer kindness and humility. Just hold are ya, darlin'?"

"Erm..." The foal bit her lip. "I dun rightly know, Yer Majesty."

Apple Jewell raised an eyebrow. "What a quaint accent! Are you from the lower streets?"

"I... I-I reckon I never knew my parents, Yer Majesty," the foal said, her eloquent facade fading more and more. "But from what the foster homes have got written down, I hail from the lower ends of Philanthropy, so yer quite right."

"Well, ain't nothin' to be ashamed of," Apple Jewell said. "You came out alright, and I think yer accent is downright sweet-like."

"With all due respect, Yer Majesty, why?"

"Hmmm?"

"Why do you think it's sweet-like?"

"Well..." Apple Jewell stifled an elegant giggle. "Cuz we sound so much alike. Almost like we're sisters."

The filly's amber eyes twitched. "I... I-I'm sorry, Yer Highness. I'm afraid I dun hear it."

Apple Jewell opened her mouth, but lingered. "... ... ... y'all really dun, do ya?"

The foal shook her head slowly.

Apple Jewell took a deep breath. "Somethin'... just ain't right 'bout all of this. It's all so... sweet and familiar, and yet... yet..."

"Are you feelin' alright, Yer Majesty?" The filly leaned forward. "Want me to go fetch a doctor or somethin'?"

The Cider Princess slowly shook her head. "No'm. That won't be necessary. I just..." She lingered, gradually smiling with warm freckles "I just feel like somethin' gorgeous is comin'. Like a gentle... warm breeze on an open farm. Ya reckon?"

"I..." The filly grimaced slightly, looking worried. "I-I've never been on a farm, Yer Majesty."

"But..." Apple Jewell opened her mouth, but fumbled. At last, she smiled and shrugged. "It dun matter. But... but know this..." After a deep gulp, she leaned in and wrapped her arms around the filly.

The foal gasped, freezing in place. Eventually, she relaxed in the mare's soft, sisterly embrace.

"One way or another... I promise... I'm gonna protect you," Apple Jewell whispered, the ends of her ears twitching. "And every little thang like you. I... I feel like it's what I'm meant to do. I know it..."

The filly didn't know what to say. Her eyes wandered across the room. Just as she was about to shut her eyes, she spotted a shape in the doorway, and she gasped sharply.

"...!!!" Without a second thought, Apple Jewell hopped up and stood between the doorframe and the foal. Her muzzle hung open "...Momma!"

Queen Shindig stood before the entrance to the room. For a few seconds, her muzzle hung in a dull deadpan. Then, she smiled gently. "Careful, my little pony, or else you might ruin your forthcoming beauty sleep."

"My Queen!" The filly squeaked. She danced in place, near hyperventilating. "I... I-I didn't mean to mess up Her Majesty's mane! I... I-I was simply answering her questions—"

"At ease, little one," Shindig said, waving a hoof. "You're dismissed. Sleep well, so that you may too witness the glory of the Coronation tomorrow."

"Oh... Oh, yes! Thank y'all most kindly—I-I mean..." The filly cleared her throat, backing out of the room and bowing. "I am most exceedingly grateful to you, Your Majesty. I shall relish tomorrow morning with great joy." Then, with a relieved breath, she galloped down the long hallway.

Serenity Shindig used her horn's magic to close the door after her. She took a deep breath. "My beloved daughter..." Her eyes darted sharply in Apple Jewell's direction. "...why aren't you in bed?"

"I... I'm sorry, Mother, but I... I was just wonderin'..."

"The sharpness of your mind will get much exercise in the days and weeks to come." Shindig closed the distance between them, stretching a wing out to the robed young mare. "Now, you truly must be sleeping—"

"Why do I have an accent, Momma?" Apple Jewell asked.

Shindig froze in place.

Apple Jewell bit her lip. "Reckon I should sound more eloquent-like for bein' who and what I am... y'all think?"

Shindig blinked. "Oh..." She smiled warmly. "...is that all?"

Author's Note

April 1 2015 Chapters: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1T5fBhbF2EcCnm57jV8Ncr8cKhwDo7uFQznpb-j4ru5k/edit

Mother to Daughter

"My beloved Princess..." Shindig strolled across the room, pacing past Apple Jewell. "You are one of a kind, a diamond in the rough of this world, born to protect it."

"But... but when was I born?" Apple Jewell twirled about, her gaze following the alicorn's. "Ain't it strange that I dun even know that? Not even the year or month?"

"Your life as you know it begins tomorrow, at your Coronation."

"But Momma, please..." Apple Jewell grimaced, trotting closer to her. "I'm askin' y'all to see it from my perspective! Whenever I think hard about the past... like really hard, all I get is a blank! Now I want to bring glory to this here world just as much as you want me to, but how can I be expected to do that when I dun have much of a foundation to stand on?"

"Don't be ridiculous, my child." Shindig chuckled airily, turning to smile at her. "You're more than capable of being that which is required of the Cider Princess."

"Why? Just because you've given me yer blessin'?" Apple Jewell gulped. "Momma, what if ya can't protect me forever? What if Philanthropy dun accept me?"

"It won't ever come to that..."

"What if... what if nopony believes in me like you and my brothers do?" Apple Jewell's muzzle quivered. "I... I know that yer my family, but... but..."

"But what, darling?" Shindig turned towards her. "What is it?"

The Cider Princess hesitated.

"You can tell me, dear. Do not be afraid."

The mare shuddered, careful not to upset her ornate mane as the trembles increased through her frame. "Well... it's just that... I-I don't rightly feel like we're family." She immediately winced. "And I-I know that that's a terrible thang to say! But... but all that I ever do is sit and look pretty and make you and Felix and Frederick fuss over me. I feel like... like I should be the one doin' thangs... that there's much more in store for me."

"Well of course, dearie, tomorrow—"

"And I dun just mean the Coronation! I mean... I mean..." Apple Jewell hugged herself through her robe, sighing. "I mean in the very fabric of who and what I am. I... I dun feel right." She bit her lip, gazing the Queen's way. "...do you even know where I came from?"

"Just why would I ever wonder over such a thing?"

Apple Jewell's eyes narrowed. "Do you know what ever happened to Papa?"

Shindig opened her mouth, but froze in place. She blinked steadily ahead of herself.

"Do... I even have a Papa?" Apple Jewell asked. "Is he the same stallion who you had Felix and Frederick with?"

Shindig's breaths shook with heartfelt palpitations. She stumbled back, her expression paling ashe held a hoof over her chest.

Apple Jewell looked worried. "Momma?"

Shindig briefly stumbled. She had to reach a hoof out and steady herself against the vanity. Apple Jewell rushed over, but the Queen made her stop in place with a quiet whisper.

Apple Jewell gazed at her nervously.

At last, Shindig took a deep breath and composed herself. She gazed lovingly at Apple Jewell, her expression turning back to a gentle smile. "We will... discuss this futher after the Coronation."

"But Momma—"

"We will be in a better place to reason things over," the Queen said. "Both of us."

Apple Jewell eventually bowed her head. "Yes, Momma."

Shindig trotted over, caressed Apple Jewell's chin, and kissed her forehead. "I love you, my little Cider Princess, no matter what."

The mare sniffled, smiling sweetly as she closed her eyes. "I love you too, Momma."

"Sleep well. Be well." Shindig backtrotted out of the room. "You are my pride and joy."

Apple Jewell waved back.

At last, Shindig exited into the hallway, closing the door behind her. As soon as she did so, the alicorn nearly collapsed. She slumped against a wall, heaving and whimpering quietly. She held a hoof over her eyes, fighting the tears back. Then, after much anguish and strain, she gazed ahead into dimly-lit space.

"Philanthropy..."

She gnashed her teeth.

"When... when did you leave me?"

She leaned back, wobbled, and finally stood up straight.

"Why did you leave me?"

The mare turned and gave the door to the bedroom a forlorn look.

"Our daughter... she is our daughter... isn't she?"

The silence was deafening. Shindig found herself encumbered with shivers. Nevertheless, she trotted forward, occasionally pausing to rub her head with sullen sighs.

Hey Rainbow, What Does the Scout(ing) Say?

Epcot stuck her fuzzy head into the stairwell. She looked up, then down. Once she was certain the coast was clear, she shuffled through a doorway and motioned the ponies behind her to follow along.

"Alrighty! Looks bright and shiny!" She pointed up at the rotating flight of stairs. "This should take us all the way up to about mid-level. At that point—from what I sense—the tower is separated into a self-contained compartment of personal suites. It's quite likely that Shindig and her sons don't want ponies from the lower levels having easy access to the top floors."

"Yeesh..." Donut Joe muttered, staring straight up. Stu Leaves' weak figure leaned on his shoulder as the stallion dragged the two of them into the center of the stairwell. "That's a damn long way up!"

"It's our only access to the upper levels without attracting attention from the punks patrolling this place," Rainbow said. "Right, Epcot?"

"Yes, indeedy!" Epcot giggled. "Guaranteed to be 100% punk clean!"

"Looks to be about twelve flights of stairs," Gustave said, cracking his neck joints. "Perhaps some reconaissance is in order?"

"You just read my mind, birdo." Rainbow gestured straight up. "Epcot, Gustave, let's scout it out. Mulia and Donut? Keep Stu safe and take your time. We'll come back and rejoin you in time to discuss the next leg of the plan."

"Could we get a first leg before we work on a second one?" Donut muttered.

"Don't worry, Mister Joe!" Epcot winked at him while the pegasus and griffon dashed straight up the stairwell. "We'll get you back to making sweet sugar balls in no time!" FLASH! She turned into a sphere and rocketed after the other two.

Donut Joe sighed. Stu groaned slightly as the stallion carried the two of them up the long, winding stairs. "Sometimes I wonder if I should even trust that goofy, smiley 'chaperone.'"

"Are you serious?" Mulia Mild remarked, taking up the rear. "It's taking all my strength not to hug her."

Swisssh!

Rainbow Dash reached the top of the stairwell. She landed on the balcony before her, approaching a set of double-doors. Shortly afterwards, Gustave hovered to a stop behind, followed by a materializing chaperone.

"You know..." Epcot smiled. "...I almost think you're starting to get used to those 'fake' wings!"

"Don't even joke," Rainbow grumbled. "They're stiff, rigid, and embarrassing."

Epcot giggled-snorted.

Rainbow turned to squint at her. "...what?"

"Oh nothing." Epcot sighed, waving a hoof. "I know you've been dealing with a great deal of emotional and psychological pain, and we have yet to save your beloved friend, but I have to say—this is the most fun I've experienced in eons."

"Well, good to know that one of us is getting her kicks," Rainbow muttered.

"You were here the longest last time, Rainbow," Gustave said. "Do you think you can rediscover where the Cider Princess' bedroom is?"

"If this was Ponyville, I'd just smell for apples in the air."

"Eh?"

Rainbow sighed. "Really, though, it depends."

"On what?"

"On whether or not I find something in this part of the Tower that's familiar," Rainbow grumbled. "Truth be told, I didn't really pay attention to much besides... besides..."

"Hmmm?"

"Freckles," Rainbow muttered. She clenched her jaw. "Buck it. Let's get this over with." She looked over her shoulder at Epcot. "Yo, are there any guards beyond these doors?"

Epcot shook her head. "No. No guards."

"Very well then." Rainbow pushed the doors open—

Epcot winced, waving a hoof. "Uh, however..."

The doors opened to a chamber full of candles, banquet tables, and violin music. A festive group of affluent ponies froze in mid-chat, turning from their seats and wine glasses to gawk at the trio.

Rainbow Dash froze in place, grimacing.

"Merde..." Gustave remembered to say.

"Uhhh... Epcot...?" Rainbow squeaked.

"Well..." Epcot nervously murmured. "...you could have been a tad bit more specific."

"What do we do?" Gustave hissed.

"Not be creepy." Rainbow cleared her throat. She waved a hoof, smiling. "Hey... everypony! Uhhh... Stock Market!" She grinned awkwardly, sweating. "...am I right?"

There was approximately five seconds of silence. And then—

"Aaaaaaaah!"

"Aaaaaaugh!"

"The Blue Jay!"

"It's the Blue Jay!"

"Somepony call the guards!"

"Guards, help!"

Rainbow winced so hard she almost swallowed her teeth.

Mare In the Bag

The entire chamber filled with shrieking, screaming ponies—all galloping about at random and wailing for the guards.

While Rainbow Dash and Gustave winced, Epcot smiled and tilted her chin up. "Huh! And here I thought they'd react negatively to our arrival!"

Rainbow grumble-sighed. "Epcot, I—"

"Don't look now!" Gustave pointed a talon.

A pair of doors far across the way burst open, and several uniformed ponies came charging in from a distant part of Shindig Tower. They immediately saw Rainbow, Gustave, and Epcot and made a bee-line for the stairwell.

"That's a lot of guards," Rainbow moaned "I'm not sure my skull can handle quite so many head butts."

"Then we should about-beak, no?" Gustave remarked.

"For once, we're birds of a feather." Rainbow shoved herself and Epcot back towards the stairwell. "Move it or lose it, girl—"

However, just then, they stumbled into Stu, Mulia, and Donut Joe rushing up from below.

"Rainbow!" Stu Leaves wheezed, leaning on Donut as the six figures nearly collapsed into one another. "We have a problem!"

"Tell me about it!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "We have a big problem up here!"

"Guess what?" Donut Joe grunted through clenched teeth. "We have an even bigger problem down there..."

Rainbow's ears tickled to the sound of echoing hoofsteps. A massive line of guards was charging up from the lower levels, making the entire stairwell shake.

"They came out of nowhere!" Mulia exclaimed, staring at the emptying room ahead of them. "They must have found evidence of our escape in the prison cell!"

"What now?!" Gustave exclaimed.

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, then said, "We pick a wave to buck our way through."

"You gotta be kidding..." Donut exhaled.

"Not one bit." Rainbow spun about. "Epcot?"

"I sense more ponies galloping up from the lower levels," the chaperone said. "The group charging us on this floor is smaller."

"Right. And Applejack is in the direction beyond them." Taking a deep breath, Rainbow spun about and faced the incoming charge. "Alright, everypony, let's awesome the ever-living-snot out of these punks."

"Oh dear..." Mulia gulped, trembling. "Oh my goodness..."

"I-I'm not sure I can even fight, Rainbow!" Stu shuddered. "My legs..."

"Then just toss the goods! Epcot?"

"Righto!" FLASH! She morphed into a hard ball and perched herself in Stu's trembling grasp.

"Let's make this quick!" Rainbow's nostrils snorted as she faced the incoming guards. "Concussion time!" She ran forward.

"Buck it. Raaaaaaaaugh!" Donut Joe charged alongside her.

"Viva la Equestria!" Gustave spread his wings and prepared to dive—

"ENOUGH!" A wave of red light penetrated the room, followed by a concusssive blast of air.

Rainbow Dash and Gustave instantly fell back, collapsing on their sides. Donut Joe skidded to a stop, clutching his skull. Stu winced, dropping Epcot besides a shuddering Mulia.

At the very same time, the guards rushing the stairwell came to a sudden halt. They swiveled around, staring at the far end of the chamber.

Rainbow looked up in time to blink at the source of the red light. A graceful alicorn came shuffling with her wings outstretched. Glaring, Shindig took a rigid survey of the room, her hard eyes finally falling on the "Blue Jay" and her compatriots.

"No more," Shindig said. "Everypony, cease fighting this instant."

Right at that moment, the group of guards rushing up the stairwell entered the room. They immediately pounced at Rainbow's group—

"You too!" Shindig snarled, her horn flickering. "Do not move!"

The guards instantly rattled to a stop. The bowed lowed, their frames a'trembling.

Stu blinked, then turned to gawk at the Queen.

"Shindig..." Rainbow seethed while Epcot re-materialized beside her.

"This..." Shindig took a deep breath. "All of this... No more. It ends now."

Wouldn't Be "Mare Gear" Without Cutscenes

Serenity Shindig marched slowly through the crowd, her hardened eyes locked on Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow stared back while the members of her posse shifted about nervously.

The guards were no less uncomfortable. Several of them squirmed while one shuffled up towards the alicorn. "But... your Majesty!" he gasped. "These ponies—they hurt several of us downstairs while breaking out of the prison that your sons put them in—"

"Silence!" Shindig growled, forcing the entire chamber into icy quiet. At last, she stood within bucking distance of Rainbow and her companions. "You have come for the Cider Princess, I imagine."

Rainbow looked at her eyes, then at her horn. Standing her grown, she nodded and said, "Applejack doesn't belong here, Shindig," she said. "I don't care what you call her or how many layers of dresses you put on her body. This place is a lie—and so is what you're turning her into."

Shindig's eyes narrowed. "And just what would you know of my daughter, Blue Jay?"

"Lots," Rainbow said. "More than you'll ever know."

Shindig gazed at her, saying nothing.

"Rainbow Dash..." Epcot whispered, leaning in. "There's something odd here. Shindig. I sense—"

"Shhhhh..." Rainbow nodded, her eyes glued on the alicorn. "Just let it come out of her mouth..."

Shindig's nostrils flared. Eventually, she said, "Have my sons Frederick and Felix intercepted you?"

Rainbow shook her head. "They have not."

Shindig nodded. "I see." A beat. She then spoke in a swift, firm tone: "If you wish to see your beloved 'Applejack,' then you will come with me."

Gustave and Mulia Mild exchanged surprised expressions.

"You... you actually mean it?" Stu Leaves shifted his weight against Donut Joe's side. "After all that we've done, you'll—"

"Only... the Blue Jay," Shindig reiterated. "The rest of you are free to go."

Rainbow blinked, her muzzle agape. "Go...?"

"Wait..." Mulia's eyes narrowed. "...you're just going to let us go?"

"Or would you rather return to the prison cells downstairs?" Shindig's gaze washed over the various escapees. "Do not confuse my offer for casual sympathy. You have committed innumerable crimes against Philanthropy, but my chief concern is for my daughter." She pointed. "The Blue Jay comes with me. The rest of you, leave the Tower. If you go quietly and obediently, you will not be pursued."

Donut Joe's teeth chattered nervously. He flung a look at Rainbow Dash.

"Rainbow..." Stu murmured. "Are we gonna believe this mare? I mean... after all she's done..."

Rainbow took a deep breath, her jaws clenched. "Go, Stu."

The stallion blinked. "But Rainbow, it could be a trap!"

"It could be many things, but it's all we have that'll get us... that'll get me one step closer to Applejack," Rainbow said quietly. She finally wrenched her gaze off Shindig to look at the stallion. "I promise, I'll do whatever I can to get Applejack out. But right now, something tells me Shindig is offering us more than we had ever hoped."

"I do detect something different about her," Epcot murmured. "As if the true mortal is closer to the surface."

"But what does that even mean?!" Stu wheezed. "It's too much of a risk to take, Rainbow!"

"We haven't much of a choice right now, Stu," Rainbow said. "Go deep into the city. Hide away."

'And what if something happens to you?"

"It won't," Rainbow said. "But, whatever tomorrow brings, Apple Jack must not get coronated. Got it?"

"I... I..."

Rainbow Dash took a bold step forward. She spoke in a tone so that everypony in the room could hear, mortal and construct alike. "Very well, I accept your offer, Queen Shindig. So long as nothing will happen to my friends..."

Shindig nodded. She turned to look at one of the many gawking guards. "Escort them out of the premises at once. That is my command to you."

"But, Your Highness, if they were to rally together—"

"Guard my daughter... not them." Shindig frowned. "Is that understood?"

The guards eventually nodded, then bowed. "Yes, Your Majesty..." They turned towards the group.

Stu Leaves gulped. He gave Rainbow one last pensive look before hobbling off with Donut Joe, Gustave, and Mulia Mild.

Epcot trotted backwards, eyes on Rainbow Dash. Eventually, she turned around, morphing into a sphere that floated after the escorted group.

Muzzle set, Rainbow turned towards Shindig. "Well then, Queeny..." She nodded. "...after you."

"Very well." Shindig twirled with a flutter of her wings and marched towards an ornate staircase. "This way... where we can speak in private..."

Eyes Lifted

"My good stallion, if you bite your lip any harder, it's going to bleed," Gustave said.

"I... I-I can't help it..." Stu Leaves cast the twentieth worried look over his shoulder since he and his four companions left the front gates to Shindig Tower. "Something about this... all of this feels wrong..."

Entire throngs of uniformed guards were gathered around the heart of Philanthropy, their angry eyes plastered upon the posse. And yet—even as Stu and the others trotted two blocks away—not a single officer came galloping after them, or even tried to stop their casual escape. Soon, the group made their way onto the adjacent platform. There, under the shadow of night, they snuck into the lower alleys.

"There's no way that Shindig would be giving up her 'Cider Princess' that easily," Stu said.

"Maybe not," Mulia remarked. "But you heard Rainbow Dash. There was no other way we could have gotten out of that situation."

"I'm sure I would have busted more than a few heads if she only let me!" Donut Joe grunted, helping Stu along.

"Oh please." Mulia gazed lethargically his way. "You live a life of making pastries. What could would you have done in a serious melee?"

"This isn't my real self, sweet cheeks! It's my dream self! With enough mettle, I'm sure we would have clobbered them!"

"Ah... but must we forget this is not our dream," Gustave remarked. "I'm certain Shindig's forces would have overwhelmed us without much difficulty."

"Well, we're never going to know, are we?!" Donut Joe frowned. "We just left Rainbow up in there to be skinned alive!"

Epcot galloped towards the group after having just checked ahead of them. "There's an abandoned warehouse about a block to the north! I'll show you the way!"

"Much appreciated, Epcot," Stu mumbled.

"And for what it's worth, you shouldn't have to worry about Rainbow Dash," Epcot said, smiling. "Or Shindig. As a matter of fact, I think Rainbow is now the safest that she's ever been!"

Stu shuddered, limping along. "As much as I want to believe that, I can't." The stallion gulped. "I want Applejack rescued as much as Rainbow Dash does, but there's more in that Tower than the Queen to contend with."

"Hmmmmm..." Epcot tapped her chin, pausing to think.

"'Hmmm?'" Mulia blinked her way. "What kind of a 'hmmmmm' is that?"

"A slightly more itchy one," Epcot said, her gray muzzle scrunching. "Something's... different about the citizens of Philanthropy all of the sudden."

"Different?" Gustave asked.

"And yet... they're all the same." Epcot's ears twitched. "I think... I've sensed this feeling before." Her tail flicked beneath her dress. "Yes... yes... the ravine..."

"Huh?" Stu blinked.

"We may still be able to help Rainbow! And Applejack!" Epcot grinned brightly. "Even from here!"

"I... I'm confused," Stu Leaves said.

"It's okay!" Epcot skipped and cavorted ahead. "I am too! Heeheehee!"

The group exchanged glances, shrugged, and followed the chaperone into the abandoned warehouse.

Ch-Chtank! Queen Shindig yanked a lever with her telekinesis. She turned and looked across the elevator to see Rainbow Dash flinching.

"Is something the matter, Blue Jay?" Shindig droned.

"Just..." The pegasus shuddered inside her corset. "...h-half expecting one of these levers to drop a steam anvil on my head or something."

The elevator car shook and slowly lifted up the center of the tower with a prolonged hiss. All the while, Shindig arched an eyebrow at the petite mare. "Did I or did I not give you my word?"

"Forgive me, but you've got something of a nasty reputation," Rainbow muttered.

"I could say the same thing about you, vagabond," Shindig sneered. She straightened the edges of her gown and tilted her chin up. "Throughout the entire legacy of Philanthropy, you've been nothing but an unpredictably violent disturber of the peace."

"Lady, you've never even once met me," Rainbow grumbled. "You sure you just believe that because it's what you've been told?"

"You mean to insist that you have not brought ruin to aerial patrols and zeppelin trading routes?"

"Buck, no!" Rainbow barked. "Before I showed up in this place, I never once even heard of a 'Blue Jay!'" She flicked her tail, frowning. "This is just some cruel joke that the dream threw me in! Same with Stu Leaves and the Red Rook."

Shindig blinked.

Rainbow squinted her ruby eyes. "What, does that surprise you?"

"I heard of the Red Rook's recent battle in downtown Philanthropy," Shindig muttered in a low tone. "For all of the violence he wrought on the forces that my sons commanded, not once did he harm a hair on my daughter's fair head. It was... uncharacteristically merciful."

"I know, right?" Rainbow looked up at the alicorn. "Shindig, we don't want to ruin anypony's life! We just want Applejack back!"

"The Cider Princess..."

"Yes! Call her what you want—she doesn't belong here! She belongs in the real world!" Rainbow stomped a hoof. "And I sure as Tartarus ain't about to let you sacrifice her to bring back the dead!"

Shindig blinked. Hard. Turning her head, she gazed directly at Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow leaned back, raising a hoof slightly. "You... you've got no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"I... am most... certainly confused." Shindig squinted. "Sacrifice my own daughter? The Cider Princess?! Are you mad?"

Rainbow stared at her.

The Queen stared back.

With a sigh, Rainbow turned towards the elevator doors. "I think one of us doesn't have her facts straight...

"Or... perhaps... two of us." Shindig gulped hard. The car jolted to a stop, and the doors opened to a long, ornate hallway lined with candles. "Come..." She shuffled forward, lighting the dim corridor with her horn. "...I've something to show you."

"Is it the Cider Princess?" Rainbow's voice cracked.

"All things in due time..."

"Grrnngh..."

Not So Serene

Rainbow Dash felt a very familiar chill run down her back as she entered a very familiar room and gazed upon a very familiar door. The frame of it was lined with brass pipes, hissing vaguely in a persistent exhale of steam.

"Tell me, my little pony..." Queen Shindig trotted towards the abominable door in question. She gazed upon it with a dull expression, her jaw muscles tight and firm. "Have you ever lost anypony close to you?"

"I... uhm..." Rainbow cleared her throat, gazing down at the floor. "Yeah. I've... lost two ponies close to me, as a matter of fact."

Shindig glanced over. "Friends? Family?"

Rainbow tilted her ruby eyes up, glaring. "The same two ponies everyone loses eventually."

Shindig nodded gravely. Her head tilted towards the doorframe once more. "Would you like to have them back?"

"I think I'm a lot cooler with moving on," Rainbow said, cocking her head aside. "And making the best out of the life I have live." Her brow furrowed. "Isn't that what we all gotta do? Isn't that the grown up thing?"

Shindig took a deep breath. "And what if you lived for so long with a special somepony that they practically became your life," she said. "So that existing without them would no longer be existing at all."

"I wouldn't know about that," Rainbow said.

"Wouldn't you?" Shindig gave her a sharp glance. "You've gone to great lengths to save that which you consider a 'friend.'" Her eyes glinted in the distant lanternlight, matching the sheen of the adjacent brass pipes. "I've only ever fought that hard for one soul in my life, and I've named this great city after him."

"And yet, as much as I care..." Rainbow gnashed her teeth. "...love the one I'm giving my all for, I'm not about to give somepony else's all."

"I don't quite read you."

"Sacrifice!" Rainbow grunted. "A ritualistic gutting of the soul or what-crap!" she spat. "I care for my friends, but the most I'd ever give up is myself. Bringing other souls into it?! Especially without their consent?" The mare frowned hard. "Very uncool."

"And just who do you think I'm sacrificing, Blue Jay?"

"Who else?!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "Applejack! The one you call Apple Jewell! The Cider Princess!"

Shindig's muzzle hung agape. "And why in Celestia's Green Earth would I wish to sacrifice my very own daughter?!"

"Okay, for one, we're not on Celestia's Green Earth," Rainbow exclaimed. "For another, she's no more your daughter than I am your friggin' son! And third..." Rainbow growled, "I know all about the plan! So cut the act!"

"The act..."

"Silver Shill filled me in on it all!" Rainbow paced before the Queen. "You... Flim... Flam... you all arranged this 'interview thingy' with the various cuisine experts of Equestria! That's how the likes of Gustave, Mulia, and Joe got mixed in all of this! And that's how you came upon choosing Applejack for your... s-sacrifice thingy!"

"I assure you, young one," said Shindig, "My daughter intends to lend her glorious powers of rule in a completely consensual manner. Through her grace, all that was once lost will be restored. I can be with my beloved Philanthropy again—"

"Pffftyeah!" Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Once that crazy black door thingy sucks all the life juice from her!"

Shindig gestured at the brass pipework. "Admittedly, this portal is the only means by which I've been able to commune with the remnants of my beloved's spirit. But all the Cider Princess intends to do is facilitate a bridge between Philanthropy and the ciy named after him." She narrowed her eyes. "This... 'sacrifice' that you speak of? What makes you so certain that such an endeavor would cost Apple Jewell's priceless life?!"

"Isn't it obvious?!" Rainbow exclaimed. "It's one life exchanged for another!" She gestured wildly at the walls. "Here in Cider Space, the fabric between realities are super thin! I know this because the super adoracute chaperone left by the alicorns who mod'd this place told me!" She fumed. "In the real world, doing such a crazy thing with the spirits of ponies would be next to impossible. But here? Where the spirit is strained to death—like a noodle—who knows?! It's open game on morality, and I'm not gonna stand for it one bit!"

"I am starting to see now that you're not a villain after all," Shindig droned. "But merely a confused miscreant."

"You certain I'm not the one who's confused?" Rainbow paced closer to the mare. "You brought me for a reason. Obviously you know something is up."

Shindig said nothing. Her gaze merely fell to the floor.

"What are you so afraid to ask that it'd make you go silent all of the sudden?" Rainbow squinted. "Just how much do you trust your sons?"

"With my life," Shindig said.

"And how many lines do you think they'd cross in order to maintain that trust?" Rainbow asked. "You know, there's loyalty," she said. "And then there's just plain stupid."

"Sadly, Blue Jay, you won't be around long enough to know the difference between them both."

The hairs on the back of Rainbow's neck stood on end. She spun towards the entrance of the room, and her eyes reflected a pair of steam rifles being aimed at her body. "Ahhhh... sonuva..."

Shindugged

"Felix! Frederick!" Queen Shindig frowned, glaring across the chamber. "What is the meaning of this?!"

"The entire tower is buzzing with chaos, Mommy Dearest," Flim said, keeping his weapon trained on Rainbow from afar. "And you would entertain her like a regular guest?"

"She doesn't deserve to trot free on this very platform, much less within shouting distance of the gateway!" Flam added.

"There is something terribly amiss here, my little ponies," Shindig said. "And while the Blue Jay's declarations may sound preposterous, I must do what I can to assure the safety of your sister."

Flim and Flam exchanged glances.

Rainbow squinted, studying their expressions.

"Preposterous declarations, eh, mother?" Flam trotted closer, pivoting his rifle so that it aimed at Rainbow Dash while he approached the Queen. "You should know better than that! After all, you've taught us not to take much stock in the raving words of a stranger!"

"She speaks with great conviction," Shindig said. Her alicorn wings spread wide. "She refers to this world as a dream. As odd as it may sound, I feel there may be some merit to her murmurs. I find it more than a little bit curious that her paranoid feelings should suddenly coincide with Apple Jewell's."

"The Cider Princess was nearly corrupted by these vagabonds' presence, mother," Flam said. "That's why we endeavored to execute them before they could spread to the Cider Princess... and to you, Mommy Dearest."

Queen Shindig frowned. "And exactly who are you to lecture me on the necessity for—?"

Flim groaned. "It's too late, brother, she's tipped over."

"Then we must steady her again." And his whole body flickered like the static outline of a stallion.

Fl-Flash! The walls and floors grew translucent tendrils of energy that lashed out and coiled around Shindig's legs and wings. The Queen gasped, utterly restrained.

"What in the buck?!" Rainbow tried flying to her aid, only to feel a length of glimmering energy wrapping around her petite spine. She struggled and squirmed, anchored in place.

"What... what manner of sorcery is this?!" Shindig barked, eyes a'flame. "My sons, I demand an explanation at once!"

"You do not need an explanation, mother," Flam said. He reached up and lightly tapped the edge of her horn. "Simply a subliminal seditive."

Scrkkkkk! Shindig's face and upper body peeled in opposite directions as if she was a bag being zipped open down the middle. Rainbow Dash watched with disgust as a considerably smaller, frailer unicorn appeared inside the fantastical alicorn body suit.

"Flam?" Serenity Shindig wheezed, hugging herself with chattering teeth. "Flim? What... what's happened?"

"A glitch in the dream sequence, mother," Flim said from afar, his horn still glowing with static in Rainbow's direction. "Nothing more."

"We will have the simulation running smoothly once more," Flam said. He reached into the deflating mesh that was once Shindig's dream-body. "The cider's effect hasn't worn off. However, the fascimile had grown weak."

"I... I don't understand..." Shindig wheezed. "Why can't you just let me observe like normal?"

"We already told you, mother," Flam spoke. "The chance of collapse is too great."

"We need a shell for you to inhabit!" Flim added. "Something that will protect you for the inevitable implosion once the gateway is pierced!"

"And... and then..." Shindig sniffled. "...I'll be with my beloved Philanthropy again?"

"Of course, Mommy dearest." Flam winked. "You can trust us." He wound a swath of the alicorn goo around his forelimb, then flung it back over Shindig's flank and spine like a funeral veil. "Shhhhh... just relax. Father will return, and you two will be together again. You'll see."

"I... I can only hope..." Shindig smiled, eyes tearing. "Thank you, boys. You are too kind. You make me so pr—" The slime rippled over her muzzle, and she collapsed on all fours. "Grlllghhhhh!" The figure melted into a viscous mound of shifting colors. Then—with bizarre grace—a pair of alicorn wings emerged from the mess. The mound rose, forming a head, snout, and legs. Within a minute, Queen Serenity re-formed, glaring in the direction of Rainbow Dash. "... ... ...what is this vermin doing here?"

Rainbow blinked, her muzzle agape.

"She infiltrated the Tower, hoping to attack the Cider Princess in her sleep!" Flim exclaimed.

"Hrmmmf... typical Blue Jay..." Tossing her mane, Shindig marched firmly out of the room in her alicorn shell. "Eliminate her, at once. I do not care how you go about doing it."

"Hey! Wait!" Rainbow hollered, struggling against her otherworldly restraints. "Shindig! Reach deep! That's not the real you!" She raised her voice. "Your sons are killing to bring your husband back!"

"Destroy all who stand in the way of the Coronation," the alicorn's voice coldly rang off the Tower walls.

Flam smiled, shutting the door behind her. "As you wish, Mother..."

Thud!

Death Becomes Her

"Grnnnngh!" Rainbow Dash struggled against the unearthly tendrils holding her to the floor of the room. "You friggin' creeps! Gnnngh! Have you gone totally bonkers?!"

Flim turned around, gazing boredly at the mare. "Oh, yes. I suppose there's this to deal with, yet."

"Quite," Flam added with half-a-yawn.

"You'd even turn on your own mother?!" Rainbow barked. "How desperate are you?!"

"We're doing this for our dear mother," Flim said. "Our dream is her dream... and her happiness."

"And the one thing keeping us from getting her and father to reunite is you," Flam added, pacing closer to the restrained pegasus. "You thought you could pierce through the veil covering Apple Jewell and disturb the Queen of Philanthropy." His eyes narrowed. "Well, you were sadly mistaken."

"We've covered every eventuality when we built this marvelous dreamscape!" Flim exclaimed, gesturing towards the lengths of the room. "We surpassed every construct of the alicorns who abandoned Cider Space and built a paradise where our parents can live forever in peace and harmony!"

"And we did it all by ourselves," Flam said. He chuckled slightly. "Well... with a little help from Silver Shill."

"A mere stepping stone to greatness," Flim added. "We'll drop him the very moment we've restored our father's spirit to the subconscious realm."

"Indubitably."

"You guys have all your screws loose," Rainbow wheezed through clenched teeth. "Your dad's time had come! There's no bringing him back! He wouldn't even be a ghost! Just a shade of something long gone!" Her brow furrowed. "You're not giving your Mom paradise, just another one of your hollow dreams!"

"Now that's a matter of perspective if I ever did hear one," Flam said. "And a very narrow-minded one at that."

"I simply cannot believe that you are willing to sacrifice Applejack's very livelihood so that your mother can live out a gross fantasy!" Rainbow frowned. "And against her will, too!"

"Not true." Flam pointed. "Mother desires this more than anything."

"She simply... forgets from time to time," Flim added. "As old ponies tend to do."

"Thankfully we're here to oversee her peace and prosperity." Flam grinned. "Quite like many nursing homes in the real world!"

"Only a great deal more luxurious."

"Indeed."

Rainbow shook her head. "I don't know what's more pathetic, that you've deluded her into accepting this pathetic 'gift,' or that you've fooled yourselves into thinking it's actually a good thing."

"You could certainly learn a thing or two about generosity, Blue Jay," Flam said, pacing closer while glaring at her. "All we've done is give. But you? You come to take away. And not just from Mother... but from your friend."

"You melon fudges are going to take her life away!" Rainbow's voice cracked.

"A life without loving parents, toiling endlessly on a paltry apple farm, with little to no reward for all her labors?" Flim remarked. "You really want her to stay a slave to herself, and for what purpose? So she can feel as though she's filled the empty gap in her heart?"

"We've seen deep into the mare's heart, my little pony," Flam said. "There's nothing you can give her. As a friend, you should know when to step back and allow the true geniuses to make her dreams come true."

"And it's here, our fine feathered friend," Flim remarked, gesturing around the room. "Here, she gets to be the princess she's always wanted to be since foaling." He smiled. "All that's left is for her to find a prince..."

"Or a knight in shining armor!"

"Yes! To kiss her awake!" Flim chuckled. "Quite on the nose, this 'Applejack,' but that's what made her so worthy of choosing above the other three."

"Simplicity at its finest."

"And most malleable." Flim flapped a hoof over his chest. "A heart like no other."

"She will seal the barrier behind father once he's been fished from the ether," Flam said. "And this dream we've carefully constructed will never collapse again."

"It won't happen, you hear me?!" Rainbow snarled. "I won't let you freaks get away with it!"

"I really don't think you're in a position to make any sort of declarations, madame!" Flam flung his hoof through the air.

The energy bands pulled Rainbow across the room and suspended her from the ceiling, just in front of the brass-laden door. Flim trotted up, pulled a few valves, and opened the black portal with a venting of steam from the many-many pipes.

Flam continued: "In fact, I don't think you'll be in a position to do anything at all." His eyes flickered. "For eternity!"

"Guys, wake up!" Rainbow hissed. "None of this could possibly work! Too much stuff has fallen apart! It's gonna explode in your faces, and by then you'll lose more than just your dad! Your mother will get dragged down along with this whole mess!"

"Bold words," Flam said. "Maybe somepony in the real world will put it on your tombstone, assuming anyone finds your vegetable body on the surface."

Flim leaned in with a smile. "Loyal to a fault. How charming."

"Let's see how well that lights your path in the realm of the dead." And with a final exhale, Flam flung his hoof.

The energy bands rippled outward, tossing Rainbow.

With a gasp, she went twirling—toppling—through the blacker-than-black doorframe...

...and into the abyss.

THUD! The dreamscape door slammed behind her...

And then she heard nothing, saw nothing...

Was nothing.

Declare Independence

The hairs on the back of Stu Leaves' neck rose on end.

He turned around, gazing out the shattered doorframe of the abandoned warehouse. He squinted, lips pursed as he looked left and right.

Donut Joe stifled a yawn, then blinked over at the wingless stallion. "Something the matter, Leaves?"

"I felt..." Stu blinked. "...just now..." He shuddered, shrugging his shoulders. "It's... it's nothing." With a sigh, he glanced ahead. "Any sign of Epcot?"

"Not since she left," Gustave muttered. "That was an hour and a half ago."

"You don't suppose she got lost?" Mulia remarked. "The mare does seem to be the type to get easily distracted."

"No, I wouldn't be too worried about her," Stu said. "She's proven pricelessly loyal in the past." He swallowed a lump down his throat. "I'm more worried about Rainbow Dash."

"Relax," Donut Joe said. "She's up in the Tower, giving Shindig the business."

"But it's been over an hour," Stu muttered. "If she would have gotten Applejack out of there, wouldn't she be done by now?"

"It's not quite like she knows where we are," Mulia said. "We had to find our own hiding place. For all we know, Rainbow Dash is out, along with Apple Jewell, and they're both looking for us."

Gustave frowned under his beak. "I have a hard time believing that the maniacs who built this place would have given up the 'Cider Princess' just like that, no?"

"It's not like any of us would have expected Shindig to let us go in the first place," Donut Joe said.

"Well, true." Gustave nodded. "But for all we know, that was simply a trick."

"Yes, but to accomplish what?" Mulia blinked. "All in all, none of this really makes any sense."

"We shouldn't have left Rainbow Dash on her own," Stu Leaves muttered. "One of us should have stayed with her. I should have stayed."

"They didn't give us much of a choice, buddy," Joe said. "If you ask me, we're better off waiting right here."

"And doing what?!" Stu Leaves gestured wildly. "In a few hours, it'll be morning! Once they do the coronation of Apple Jewell, it's all over with! Applejack will be gone and—for all we know—we'll be stuck here!"

"That's so horrible..." Mulia Mild sniffled. "Maybe... just maybe..." She gazed hopefully at the others. "We could work together to prevent the coronation!"

"Just the four of us?" Gustave shook his head. "Highly unlikely."

"The bird's right," Donut Joe muttered. "We'd need a freakin' army. And we don't exactly have one."

"Then let's get the ball rolling, huh?" Epcot's voice chimed in. "Heehee! Hey guys!" She waved, entering the warehouse, followed by three figures. "What's up? I mean, besides the psionically manipulated barriers of the dreamscape, of course. Eheh..."

"Epcot! You're back!" Stu grinned... then blinked. "...you brought ponies."

"Are you crazy, girl?!?" Donut Joe hopped up, wincing. "We were supposed to be hiding!"

"I don't get it..." A stallion with a red coat and freckles blinked awkwardly, glancing at his lavender and pale companions. "What is this mess? A Red Rook reunion?"

"Yeah!" the pale mare at his side exclaimed, leaning provocatively towards the side in her saloon dress. "These yokels are stealing me from my shift! I was told this was gonna be a way to earn some easy bits!"

"I should have stayed in the bar," grunted the other mare, brushing back her violet bangs. "Buck this town with a ten foot pole, I swear..."

"Wait a second..." Stu Leaves blinked. "Big Mac... Rarity... Miss Sparkle?" He glanced sideways at Epcot. "You dragged in a bunch of Applejack's dream phantoms."

"Heehee! Correctomundo!" Epcot winked proudly.

"What for?" Stu shrugged. "They're just shades of Applejack's subconscious. That makes them about as helpless as the other constructs around this place."

"That's only what you observe on the surface!" Epcot gestured. "You see, I sensed something about Shindig the last time we were in the Tower! The brothers Flim and Flam were quite resourceful in the way they manipulated Cider Space. However, in the end, it was a very sloppy job."

"How so?" Gustave asked.

"You see, everything they build is hollow... like a shell! And that means all sorts of stuff can build up on the inside! Here... observe..." She turned towards Big Mac. "Hey, big fella! Uhm... this might cause some momentary discomfort!"

Big Macintosh squinted at her. "The hell are you rambling about, ya crazy dame? First you drag me out to piss-nowhere, and now you're talking even more crazy."

"Yeah, about that." Epcot lifted up on her hind-quarters, raised her forelimbs together, and smashed them straight down the center of Big Macintosh's skull.

WHACKKK!

Stu Leaves winced.

"Epcot!" Mulia Mild barked. "No! Bad Epcot!"

"Wait a second..." Donut Joe pointed, eyes wide. "Check it out!"

Cracks and fissures formed along the surface of Big Macintosh's skull. They crawled down, spreading throughout his whole body. Then, with a burst of light—POW!—his exterior shattere completely, revealing a slightly brighter-coated Big Mac underneath.

"How do you feelsies, cutesies?" Epcot asked.

"... ... ..." Big Mac blinked... then frowned. "...Eeyup." He twirled about, raised both hooves, and smacked both Rarity and Twilight on their constructed heads at once.

WH-WHACK!

The mares shuddered, their exteriors splitting in halves like eggshells. What emerged underneath were shocked unicorns, complete with their horns. They gawked at the stallion, then at the group of ponies.

"Applejack..." the Rarity construct murmured.

"Where's our friend?!" Twilight Sparkle growled. "She's in trouble, isn't she?!"

"They..." Stu Leaves stammered. "...they remember..."

"The subconscious layer that Applejack conjured up is now exposed!" Epcot said, grinning wide. "They're no longer just random inhabitants of Philanthropy!"

"Does this mean what I think it means?" Gustave remarked.

"If you know where Applejack is, you will tell us at once!" Rarity stamped her hoof, frowning. "As her dear friends, we shan't let her down!"

"Blessed Celestia..." Mulia Mild cooed, gazing at the others. "Just how many of these 'subconscious' projections are there in this city?"

"Bucketloads," Gustave said.

Stu Leaves turned to grin in Donut Joe's direction. "So, buddy..." His smiling teeth glinted. "You said something about a 'freakin' army?'"

Beginning of the Alphabet

Another hour had gone by. More ponies trotted in, arriving in droves. They were the same doppelgangers of equines like Big Mac, Granny Smith, and Apple Bloom before, only now their coats seemed somehow brighter and there was a fire in their eyes that matched their tempestuous vigor.

"How dare they try n'take my big sister away!" One of several Apple Blooms stomped their hooves. "I'm gonna make them pay!"

"Pay and a half!" another foal added.

"Pay and four quarters!" a Granny Smith yodeled.

"Eeeyup!" One Big Mac glared out the window slits of the warehouse, nostrils flaring.

Mulia Mild looked nervously past the Apple Family and Ponyville constructs to see the edge of sunlight peeking through the fissures in the aged warehouse. "It's getting close. The Coronation is just hours away." She glanced about at her friends. "No doubt these ponies will aid us, but there's so many of them! And they're making quite a row!" Her eyes narrowed. "Are we certain they won't attract attention?"

"Did you see this place?" Donut Joe remarked. "We're deeper in this city than drunken botflies!" He smiled, shaking hooves with more and more assembling citizens. "Besides, all of Shindig's security is gathered in the top level. Whew! Boy do they have no idea what's gonna hit them!"

"Let's just make sure that we don't flatten the Cider Princess in the process," Gustave remarked. "After all of this hard work, it would be a shame to get out of here without her body intact, no?"

"Hey everypony!" Epcot rode in on a Filthy Rich's backside. She hopped up, bounced over a Sweetie Belle, and came to a grinning stop. "I just did a head count! We've got three hundred ponies 'awoken!'"

"Three hundred?!" Mulia gasped. "It was just at thirty an hour ago!"

"Heehee!" Epcot giggle-snorted. "I know, right? The numbers increase exponentially! Like alicorn fleas!"

Gustave grimaced. Alicorns had fleas?"

"You think immortal blood isn't tasty? What else did they escape the real world for?" Epcot rolled her purple eyes. "Anyways, if the Coronation is in two hours, I suspect we'll have half-a-thousand ponies on our side for when the proceedings begin. That should be enough to make something pretty snazzy happen!"

Donut Joe looked across the room. "You hear that, Leaves? Seems like we've actually got an edge."

Stu Leaves stared out a boarded window, his ears folded back.

Epcot wandered closely towards his side. "You don't seem to be a Whinnying Wallace right now. We could really use a Whinny Wallace, Mr. Red Rook."

"This should really be Rainbow Dash's charge to lead, not mine," Stu muttered. A sigh escaped his nostrils. "I just hope she's okay... even though I'm sure she's not."

"Rainbow's made it clear that time and time again, she'll do everything she can to save Applejack." Epcot winked. "Aside from Shindig, she's the one pony sure not to miss the Coronation."

"I know." Stu gulped. "Which makes me worried over the one reason why she would miss it."

Epcot fidgeted. Eventually, she leaned in and hugged Stu.

Stu shuddered at the receiving end of her fuzzy embrace. She looked back and spoke above the sound of the gathered mob. "Hugging me isn't going to make this situation any less sucky."

"No." Epcot shook her head, nuzzling Stu. "But it wouldn't hurt." She smiled. "And it wouldn't hurt to have some faith in Rainbow."

"Yeah..." Stu sighed. "She is awesome... isn't she?" A faint grin.

"I was going to say 'adorable,'" Epcot said.

"You're cute enough to be forgiven." Stu patted her shoulder, then limped off towards the crowd. "Alright... time to aim this civilian scepter at Shindig..."

My Little Champion

A shuddering burst came from Rainbow Dash's chest. It was like waking up from a falling nightmare for the twentieth time in a row, only she couldn't remember falling asleep. She didn't even remember going to bed.

All she saw was darkness, and yet she knew that she was somehow moving through it. Sparks of understanding came to her through the onyx waves. She had little glimpses of a nightmarish scenario before the dreaming began. Someone had put here there—in the heart of eternal darkness—and she was powerless to do anything about it.

She was always powerless. In the mortal realm, she was a limp sack of meat. Why would she have to be any stronger in the unfathomable depths beyond?

"I wish... I w-wish..."

She was even powerless to love.

Whimpering, the mare curled in, hugging herself as she twirled through the endless ether.

"Please no. Please no. Oh Celestia please no no no no no no..."

The more she stammered, the more echoes she heard. Things were surching her way—things that were darker than darkness itself. She clenched her eyes shut in hope that they would stop... that she would stop... that everything would stop.

She was wrong on all counts.

"I don't belong here. Not yet. I've gotta save her. She's everything... she's my everything..."

The mare cried. The mare sobbed. The darkness shifted. On the crest of pained howls, the strange bodies came closer across the obsidian veil. They sought heat and order, and she was a tasty morsel adrift in desolation.

"I can come here later. But I need to save her. I just have to. Please... please... n-no..."

They closed in. They sounded like rabin wolves now. Rainbow could even feel their breaths—colder than frost on the eve of Winter Wrap-Up.

"N-no! Not yet! Goddess, please!" Rainbow Dash flinched and flailed like a lost infant. She felt frigid coats brushing up against her, surrounding, engulfing. "I need to go back! Send me back! I have to save her!"

The shrieks doubled... tripled. They were everywhere she turned, suffocating her.

"Mrmmmf... it's not my time! It's nopony's time! Dang it!" Rainbow growled for a brief moment, exhaling alien warmth into the emptiness. "Get away from me!"

They drew away... but grew angrier. They swarmed as one, coming towards Rainbow as a solid mass that she could somehow make out amidst the rest of the nothingness. For a brief moment, she thought she could see—and feel—a wide set of serrated jaws.

And that's when a set of warm limbs hugged Rainbow Dash from behind.

She gasped, her ears instantly curling back. An indecipherable squeak of ear escaped her lungs. She could only watch as the deathly mass lunged at her.

But whoever was hugging her yelled over her shoulder, and the force of his exclamation dashed the attacking phantoms into a million wriggling pieces. An invisible fire blazed across the immortal expanse, and soon Rainbow was being carried swiftly across the universal abyss.

"How... but..." Rainbow wheezed. "...who...?"

"You were always biting off more than you could chew, Champ." At first, the most surprising thing to Rainbow was how young the voice sounded. It took all of her concentration to pay attention to the next few words. "It's what I've always admired about you. You can do anything you set your heart to, Rainbow, but if you're not careful it will be the end of you."

"I..." Rainbow whimpered, growing limp and nuzzling deeper into his embrace. "I don't understand," she lied, if only to hear his voice speak more.

He did. "If your life should come to an end, let it happen in way that'll make you happy," he said, carrying the two of them towards a bright slit floating in nothingness. The semblance of a door formed before Rainbow's twitching eyes. "Just like you made me happy... when I ended... knowing full well I had left something awesome and beautiful in Equestria that would make history."

Rainbow's face grimaced as tears formed in her eyes. "Dad...?" she hiccuped.

"I'm so proud of you, my little Champ. But now it's time to work on making yourself proud." The two came to a stop before the floating panel. "What do you feel more than anything else in life?"

Rainbow sniffled, and she clenched her jaws tight. "Love."

"Thatta girl..." And she felt herself tossed towards the brightness. "...don't ever stop winning."

FLASH!

"Unnngh!" Rainbow Dash collapsed on the floor of Shindig Tower. She crawled away from the black door lined with brass pipes. She rolled over, wheezing and hissing for breath. Her body twitched, and she fought to put herself in a standing position.

Quivers ran across the pegasus' figure, and she felt a noticeable discomfort all over.

So, with a breathy grunt, she sat back on her haunches, fiddled with her corset, and finally pulled at the leather strings fastening the brown article together. It had barely gotten halfway unraveled when—

Riiiiiip!

—the corset exploded altogether, burst apart by a strong pair of wings from underneath. Rainbow's blue feathers glinted in the torchlight, reflecting against the blackness of the door behind her. She stretched the appendages out, finally managing a full breath. Slowly, she rose, every muscle stretched and rejuvenated.

"Hrmmmmmmfff..." The mare's nostrils flared as she clenched her eyes shut in concentration. Then, several moments later, her eyes opened, and she stared ahead with a devilish smirk. "Hmmmf..." Her muzzle curved. "...awesome."

POWW! Rainbow took off, soaring straight ahead. The walls of the Tower were suddenly no obstacle, and the barriers of the dreamscape melted around her glowing sapphire frame as she made a bee-line for the heart of Philanthropy.

The Breaking Point

Flam spun around, blinking curiously. "... ... ...huh."

"What's the matter, Flam-fella?" Flim tilted his head back to face him and finished adjusting the other stallion's collar. "Can't afford to be distracted now."

"I could have sworn I felt... felt..." Flam's mustached lips pursed as his eyes traced the edges of the concrete corridor, but he ultimately grunted. "Ehhh... just overthinking things."

"I'd say!" Flim winked, stepping back to adjust his own suit and collar. "Today's a moment of celebration! All of our problems are behind us!"

"Yes..." Flam nodded with a shuddering breath. "And, most importantly, behind Mother."

"Speaking of which." Flim gestured towards the door at the end of the passage. "We'd best be joining her. She needs our support more than anypony."

"Hmmm. Quite." Flam glanced aside as the two siblings trotted down the corridor. "And the Cider Princess?"

"Her purpose is sealed," Flim said.

"Yes indeed." Flam opened the door before them. A large, curved chamber appeared, with steps leading up to the brightly-lit world outside, where the thunderous noise of an anxious crowd loomed in waiting. Several servants dashed left and right, making sure everything was in its right place. In the center of the compartment, Queen Shindig could be seen speaking with a mare dressed in the finest white lace and refinery. Apple Jewell glanced over at her two brothers, smiled, and waved a hoof.

Flim and Flam waved back, looking handsome and dapper in their suits.

"We've got the tiara, right?" Flim spoke aside.

"Mother will receive it at the time rehearsed," Flam explained. "And then she will crown the Cider Princess."

"And her first act as Philanthropy's jewell?"

"We will escort her to the door," Flam said. "Or else we'll bring the door to her." He gestured. "The crown contains all of our combined memories, especially Mother's."

"You're certain that will summon Father's spirit?"

Flam took a deep breath. "If it doesn't... then all of this will be for nothing."

"Good thing we eliminated that blasted Blue Jay when we did."

"Hmmmph. Yes." Flam smirked as the two brothers trotted closer to the exit beneath the ampitheatre's stage. "A desperate cretin like that has no friends... her or beyond..."

As the two trotted off, a glittering shape shifted from where it loomed directly behind an elaborately bejewelled setpiece. The sphere shot up, avoiding everypony's gaze, and swiftly zipped up through the center exit at the base of the ampitheatre's stage.

Stu Leaves paced around in tight circles. Behind him, Gustave looked on, accompanied by several equine shapes in hiding. The group huddled in the bottom floor lobby of an apartment building. Through slitted windows, they gazed upon the central platform of Philanthropy. A huge crowd had formed around the ampitheatre, and the whole event was flanked with dozens upon hundreds of uniformed officers.

A doppelganger of Pinkie Pie whistled, catching Stu's attention. He trotted over and gazed out the window with her in time to see a sphere zipping their way. They opened the front door just long enough for Epcot to glide through.

The mare materialized, skidding to a stop and steadying herself against two Big Mac's. "They're just minutes away from starting the ceremony!" she exclaimed. "The two mortals—Frederick and Felix—must have imbued the crown with the memories of their mothers. I believe they intend to use it as bait to summon the spirit of their deceased father and direct it to Apple Jewell's dreamform."

"Blessed peaches!" Gustave grimaced. "Is such a thing possible?"

"I do not honestly know," Epcot said. "But, in any case, they are putting your friend Applejack's essence at great risk. If we should intervene, it must be now."

"Good." Stu took a deep breath. "No more waiting." He gestured. "Go pass word on to the rest of the group. We're rushing in as soon as she appears on stage."

"Wouldn't that put everyone out in the open?" Gustave said.

Stu frowned. "Flim and Flam have done all they could to ruin our day. Now we're about to ruin theirs." He punched his two hooves together. "I want their city full of panic and chaos, so that they can watch everything they've carefully built unravel before their very eyes as we steal their 'Cider Princess' back from them."

"Wow..." Epcot blinked. "That's vicious, conniving, and downright vindictive." She smiled. "I love it! I'm off to tell Mr. Joe and Ms. Mild!" Pinkie Pie held the door for her as she glided out. "Zoop!"

"Y'all hear that, ponyfolk?!" A Granny Smith shouted, balancing a ceramic bowl on her head. She swung a spatula about in the air. "We're gonna get our freckle pony back!"

The room filled with thunderous cheer.

Gustave leaned in towards Stu Leaves. "These ponies are very passionate, but how do we know that it's enough?"

"All I need is for them to cut us a path to Applejack," Stu Leaves said. "The rest is up to us."

"And are we enough?"

Stu gritted his teeth. "One way or another... Rainbow Dash is going to seal the deal."

"But how do we know that? She isn't even here?"

"Never doubt loyalty..." Stu smirked. "Especially when there's a spotlight to be had."

The Coronation

Shindig lifted her face, smiling into the glittering sunlight wafting down through the tight ravine.

"Citizens of Philanthropy, you have been patient all of these years, yearning on my promise for a new age that will usher in prosperity and joy."

She trotted across the stage of the ampitheatre, levitating a crown by her side.

"As your Queen and ruler, I've been pleased to see you grow into a very model of equine society..."

Epcot landed behind a series of parked wagons. She materialized, then peered into a dark alleyway where several shadowed figures hid.

"We go as soon as Applejack appears!" the chaperone whispered.

"You hear that, ya melon fudges?!" Donut Joe hissed over his shoulder at Mulia and the others. "It's time to crush this stinkin' popsicle stand!"

Several Ponyvillean fascimiles grunted in response. They leaned forward, clutching all sorts of bludgeons and weaponry. Glaring faces were locked on the ampitheatre.

"Any moment now..." Donut Joe rasped.

"...now the future awaits, and it is glorious!" Shindig smiled, turning to gaze across the mancy faces in the crowd. "For my daughter—the Cider Princess—shall bring this glory through her pristine elegance!"

In the shadow of the entrance leading up to the stage, a dainty figure leaned against a wall, breathing deeply to compose herself. Straightening her mane one last time, Apple Jewell pivoted to face the end of the ramp.

Behind her, Flim and Flam stood along with a train of servants. They smiled proudly while the voice of their Queen echoed down the corridor.

"Believe in her! Exalt her! And obey her! Even when I am no longer around to enjoy the bounties that her rule will provide!"

"This is it..." Stu Leaves motioned towards the ponies behind him. "No turning back now!"

"Shake a tail!" Gustave clattered through is break.

With thunderous hooves, the group poured out of the building's lobby, filling the streets at an alarming street.

"You sure we can do this?" Gustave turned to ask Stu.

"No." Stu shook his head. "Let's go."

"Right." Gustave grabbed Stu's shoulders with his talons. "Hang on, my friend."

"For Philanthropy is nothing without honest generosity." Shindig smiled. "Which is what she brings for as long as she lives. So fear not, my little pony."

She turned and gestured towards the lower entrance leading up to the stage.

"The Cider Princess lives."

The crowd cheered loudly as the mare in white trotted gently up to the light.

Apple Jewell's freckles were the first to glisten, followed by the tresses in her headdress. She came to a stop before the edge of the stage, staring at the hundreds and hundreds of equines.

She took a deep breath, then batted her eyelids to dry them.

Rainbow Dash sneered into the whipping winds. She soared faster and faster, the air and buildings around her distorting completely. The closer her wings came into contact with the buildingsides, their plaster pieces dissolved into spectral anomalies, leaving dust and sand in the wake.

Flim and Flam stood in their places, flanking Shindig and Apple Jewell.

The Queen approached the mare, smiling. With a glowing horn, she lowered the crown closer to her head.

Apple Jewell curtsied before her.

The entire crowd bowed, growing slight.

And that was when noise spilled into the ampitheatre.

Guards yelped and citizens shrieked.

Apple Jewell gasped.

Shindig spun to gawk.

Flim and Flam paled visibly.

A roaring crowd of citizens fought, bucked, and beat their way past the line of defense. Donut Joe bashed several skulls in while Mulia and other ponies tossed bricks into the line of reinforcements.

Then, overhead, Gustave flew in with wings spread. He dropped a lithe figure from his talons. In mid-air, Stu twirled, then came down with a thunderous drop-kick.

WHAM! He slammed directly into Flam. "OOF!" And the sibling barreled off, tripping his brother across the stage. "Aaaugh!"

"Httt!" Stu landed and stood up tall before Apple Jewell.

"The Red Rook!" Shindig gasped.

"What in heaven's name are you doing?!" Apple Jewell stammered.

Stu blinked. He smiled. "Trying my hoof at being awesome." Two guards ran up to his flank, yelling. He blindly back-hoofed one, then turned to face the other.

And it was precisely at this time that all Tartarus broke loose.

Stealing the Spotlight

As the crowd of gathered citizens fled the Coronation, dozens upon dozens of angry ponies flooded in. Filthy Riches and Braeburns barreled through surprised guards. Zecoras and Granny Smiths kicked fetlocks. Pinkie Pies and Rarities threw fruit cakes.

Stu Leaves dodged the blasts from several guards' guns and kicked a wall of stage decoration at them, knocking them completely off the ampitheatre. Gustave and Donut Joe rushed over to him, and the three stood flank to flank, battling the incoming reinforcements.

Meanwhile, Flim and Flam were still trying—however awkwardly—to get disentangled with one another.

"Damnation!" Flam sputtered, wheezing towards the sky. "Air!" he hollered. "Air support! On the double!"

"What he said!" Flim wheezed.

Engines could already be heard revving. Mulia Mild slammed a potted plant over a guard's head, then looked across the grand melee to see rotary blades spinning. "Gyrocopters!" She shouted towards the stage. "Gyrocopters inbound!"

Stu Leaves punched a guard and glanced over, sweating. He cupped two hooves around his muzzle and shouted towards the sky: "Birds a'flight!"

The air reverberated with a veritable flock of incoming aircraft. No less than six gyrocopters came gliding down the main street, turning about to descend on the riotous group who had invaded the ampitheatre. They were less than two blocks away when—suddenly—dozens of ponies sprouted up along the rooftops. They flung bricks, silverware, nets, and all manner of metal knick-nacks.

Inevitablly, this encumbered one or two gyrocopters. The pilot constructs yelped, losing control—bashing into one another. Soon, the entire flock plummeted, crashing into the street and forming a brilliant fireball.

As guardsponies fled—shrieking—Apple Jewell winced. She watched with a horrified expression as ponies fought ponies on all sides. A group of guards rushed up to escort her out of the site—only to be knocked aside by a pair of Big Macintoshes. The big stallions snarled, then turned towards Apple Jewell with a soft expression. As soon as one opened his mouth—

ZAAAAP! Queen Shindig blasted them several meters away with a well-aimed energy beam from her horn.

"M-Mother!" Apple Jewell stammered.

"Come, child!" Shindig telekinetically tugged the mare along with her. "Your loyal brothers can handle this! We must get you somewhere safe, my darling—!"

"Shindig!" Stu Leaves slid to a stop, blocking their exit. He panted and sweated, yet stood his ground before them while chaos continued to unfold all around. "This was inevitable! And you knew it!"

"I've no idea what you're talking about, cretin!" Shindig frowned, aiming her horn at him. "I had shown you mercy already! That was my first mistake! And my last!"

"I don't know what the brothers have done to make you believe in this fantasy, but it must end!" Stu exclaimed. "Please, you can put a stop to this! Just let go of Applejack!"

"Her name is Apple Jewell!" Shindig hollered. "And she is the Cider Princess of Philanthropy!"

Apple Jewell clung to Shindig, trembling. Meanwhile, the Princess gazed at the various familiar faces battling all around her. A lump formed in her throat, and she clenched her jaw tight.

"She's a victim in all of this, Shindig!" Stu shouted. "For all we know, maybe you are too! But if I can only save one of you..." He trotted forward with a frown. "...then let it be."

"Not one more step!" Shindig hollered. "I swear, I will—"

"Mother..." Apple Jewell brushed her hoof across Shindig's leg. "Please. We must end this."

"Not another word, child—"

"Mother, can't you see?!" Apple Jewell pointed. "These are the ponies I've recognized! Something has... has broken through." She grimaced. "I feel as if something is catching up with me..."

"You're... y-you're merely confused, child," Shindig wheezed, trembling. "This... all of this... it is good."

"But there's somethin' better than good, Mama," Apple Jewell said. "And it starts with bein' honest with ourselves."

Shindig bit her lip, staring across the battle.

Stu gulped. "Will you reason with us?" He took a bold step forward. "Will you please let us—"

FLASH! A beam of magic hit him in the side.

"Aaaaugh!" Stu flew off, bouncing off the side of the stage. "Ooof!"

Apple Jewell gasped. She turned to look. "Frederick! Felix!"

The two brothers marched towards Stu's body, shocking him with beams of magical energy. The air and landscape around them rippled as the dual dreamers unleashed pure chaos on the stallion.

"Aaaa-aaaaugh!" Stu writhed in pain, curling up into an agonized little ball.

"It's over for you, Rook!" Flim hissed.

"There will be no waking up!" Flam added.

"Flim! Flam!" Shindig frowned. "You've neutralized him already! Cease this torment at once! We are not monsters—"

"Silence, Mother!" Flam frowned in the alicorn's direction. "We've been too merciful as it is!"

"These underworlders want to usurp the paradise we've built!" Flim added.

"Well, it's time that paradise crushed them to a bloody pulp." Flam's eyes flickered, and he compressed the fabric of the dreamworld into a bludgeon that spiraled violently towards Stu Leaves. "Starting with this ignoramus here—"

There was a loud, high-pitched whistling sound.

Mulia Mild looked towards the sky. "Look—!"

Fwooooooooooosh—POWWW! A blue streak landed on the stage, blocking the brothers' projectile.

"Aaaaaugh!" Flim and Flam flew back, as did every guard and pony within screaming range of the stage.

Donut Joe and Gustave yelped as they fell to the side. Epcot rushed to Mulia's side, helping the mule up as both gaped at the scene.

Rainbow Dash slowly stood back up, her legs positioned in a fresh crater and brimming with spectral energy. She spread her wings, summoning another bout of thunder.

Apple Jewell stared, breatheless.

Flim and Flam got up, only to gasp at Rainbow's presence. "Oh no..."

Rainbow turned towards them, ruby eyes sparkling. She smirked. "Oh yes."

Dreamers and Doers

"Your... y-your wings!" Flim stammered, pupils shrunken to pinpricks. He cowered behind his mustached brother and pointed a shaky hoof at Rainbow Dash. "You're not supposed to have your wings!"

"Funny." Rainbow Dash smirked, wings twitching. "You two still have your heads." FWOOOOSH! With that, she rocketed forward.

Flam barely had time to summon a magic shield. Rainbow slammed into it, and the resulting impact not only knocked the two brothers back—but it also stripped the plaster off half of the ampitheatre's stage.

Stu Leaves and Donut Joe went fumbling. Epcot darted over, dragger her hooves into the structure, and steadied the two ponies. As the shock wave settled, they looked up to see Rainbow Dash lifting up. A crackle of lightning rippled across Philanthropy, and she came diving at Frederick and Felix.

The sons of Shindig hopped up to their hooves. "Together, brother!" Flam shouted.

"Right on, buddy!" Flim gnashed his teeth, channeling unbridled energy into his horn.

The siblings' magic converged, turning into an electrical bullwhip that ripped the air apart.

Rainbow Dash dodged left, dodged right, and then twirled through sparkling branches of electricity.

Flim and Flam leapt out of the way before she could impale them. The ground exploded with chunks of marble and plaster. The two stallions were quick to collect them with telekinesis, then hurl them Rainbow's way. The debris collected around Rainbow Dash like a cocoon, and before she could fly off the shell collapsed, encasing her figure.

"Rainbow!" Stu hollered.

Apple Jewell blinked in surprise from where she cowered at the sidelines along with Shindig.

"Crush her, Flim!" Flam hissed. "Don't let her get another chance to—"

"I-I can't contain it!" Flim's voice cracked. "The fabric! It's suddenly unstable! I—"

POWWW! Rainbow burst through the egg of debris. With burning eyes, she slammed into Flam, shoving him off the stage and into the seats. Chunks of shrapnel flew in opposite directions as the two grinded to a stop. Rainbow straddled Flam and brought two hooves up, preparing to knock his teeth in.

FL-FL-FLASH! Flim fired multiple shots into her spine.

Rainbow grunted, barrelling off from the impact. She landed at the rear of the seats, her body recoiling under a settling cloud of dust.

"This is insane..." Flam stood up, grumbling. "Give it everything we've got!" He hollered to the air. "Forces! Move in! Take out the Blue Jay at all costs!"

Rainbow flexed her wings—but froze upon hearing several roaring engines. She turned and looked straight up.

Several gyrocopters came sailing down at her. As soon as she made eyecontact, the ponies inside hollered to one another and fired all of their gatling guns at once. RAT-A-TAT-TAT-TAT!

Rainbow stood her ground.

When the bullets reached her, she did nothing—save for spread her wings. As soon as the bullets grazed her, they morphed into rain drops, splattering ineffectually across the ground.

Flim and Flam gasped—as did the pilots of the vehicles. "Pull up! Pull up!" The officers tried flying away from Rainbow, but it was too late. As soon as they passed over head, some invisible force yanked them from their craft. The gyocropters went exploding into building faces behind Rainbow Dash. In the meantime, the officers floated down by her side, flailing in midair.

"Stop struggling," Rainbow's lips moved. Then, a smile. "Be cool."

The bodies went limp. Everypony exhaled as their uniforms, coats, and manes peeled off, rolled inside out, and reconstituted themselves into different colors. Within seconds, the defenders of Philanthropy had turned into Spitfire, Soarin', Fleetfoot, and other members of the Wonderbolts. Icily, the group turned around, spreading their wings as their goggles glinted in the morning light.

"Now then..." Fleetfoot cooed.

Spitfire grinned. "Where were we?"

"Go." Rainbow pointed. "Chill them out."

Fw-Fw-Fwooooosh! A swarm of blue-and-gold uniformed ponies descended on the remaining officers gathered before the ampitheatre. The forces of Shindig shrieked, and half of them retreated as they were savagely thrashed by the pegasi fliers. Those fighting alongside Gustave and Mulia cheered mightily, and the battle began its epic turn.

"I... I can't believe this!" Flim yelped. "How is she doing this, brother?!"

"I... I don' tknow..." Flam wretched. "We had thrown her into the jaws of death! We had killed her!"

Stu glanced at Apple Jewell across the way, then at the Chaperone nearby. "Epcot...?" He had to duck as Rainbow Dash flew closely overhead, summoning thunder as she plowed through a wave of shrieking guards. "...I don't get it! What's Rainbow doing?"

Epcot smiled wide. "She's dreaming..."

Kaizodashery

FWOOOSH! Rainbow Dash swept low, knocking even more guards to their sides. While the forces of Shindig were down, several duplicate Ponyvilleans galloped up and beat them to unconsciousness. A flanking group of uniformed equines tried firing steam rifles at Rainbow, but she flew, came down, and slammed into the platform—sending a wave of loose pavement that unraveled and morphed into parapsrites. The insects devoured the guards' weapons and sent them running.

Flam limped against a side of the ampitheatre, gathering his greath. "We have to end this, Flimmy-boy! Keep Mother and Sister safe while I teach this Blue Jay a lesson!"

"But brother! You see her!" Flim exclaimed, point at the sky-slicing pegasus. "She's broken her mold! Any moment now, she'll have free reign over the dream!"

"Not if I cut her to the quick!" Flam cracked the joints in his neck. "The Coronation isn't over until I say it is!" He galloped forward, stripped off his jacket, and leapt. The air distorted around and beneath him. Several Ponyvilleans gasped and darted to the side as pieces of concrete and steel lifted up, forming around him to form wide-spreading wings.

With a gasp, Stu shouted towards the sky. "Rainbow Dash, look out!"

A pair of ruby eyes spun to face the incoming menace.

"Rrrrrrgh!" Flam twirled and flung a fist made out of coagulated debris. "Have at you!"

WHUD! Rainbow Dash flew backwards with a flash of lightning. Her body slammed into a buildingfront, spilling glass and steel into the streets below.

The entire platform wobbled—the large chains clinking against one another.

While the ponies below struggled to stay upright, Flam hovered in place, catching his breath. He turned to dive towards the Ampitheatre—when he heard a loud rumbling sound behind him. Curious, the unicorn spun around, blinking at the building where Rainbow Dash has disappeared.

The structure was imploding... shrinking. But instead of collapsing entirely, it ceased at about one third its height. The fallen mass rolled together, compacting tighter and taking animated shape. Soon—emerging from the dust cloud—was a giant one-eyed basilisk made of mortar and shrapnel.

Rainbow Dash floated menacingly above the beast like a halo. "Go..." She pointed down at Flam, smirking with burning red eyes. "Feast in the name of Squidgy."

"DAPPER HATSSSS!" The artificial Durandal hissed, then lunged straight at the stallion with serpentine grace.

Flam's ears folded back. "Awwww fiddlestucks."

WHAMMM! The full length of the reptilian beast plowed through the unicorn. The mass of descending urban matter instantly demolished an entire block, reducing the dangling skyscrapers to brittle sand. The platform wobbled even more wildly than before, shattering windows and causing balconies to fly off their supports.

The turbulence was enough to throw Apple Jewell off her hooves. Shindig caught her with a wave of magic, steadying the Cider Princess as the two stood precariously on the edge of the ampitheatre's stage.

Breathless, Flim ran up towards them, zapping several rioters away with beams of magic.

"Frederick Flim!" Shindig exclaimed. "What in Goddess' name is going on around here?! How are you and your brother able to conjure such magic?!"

"Is Flam even alive?!" Apple Jewell blurted.

"It's... it's okay..." Flim stammered, wincing. "We've got everything under control—"

POWWW! A wave of debris flew skyward as Flam sailed into Rainbow Dash, screaming. The two fought and wrestled in midair, each dreamer morphing the clouds of debris into projectiles that they flung at one another. They pinballed off a surviving skyscraper, sailed through a twirling fan, and disappeared in a series of imploding warehouses several blocks off.

"That... that's the Blue Jay..." Shindig exhaled. "But... but why would she destroy our city?!" She gawked at the continuous fight between the guards and the Ponyvilleans. "None of this makes any sense!"

"Please, Mother, you just have to calm down—"

"Not here, I won't!" Shindig took Apple Jewell by the hoof. "Come, darling. We must get back to our tower swiftly before—"

With beams of ethereal light, the floor of the stage reached up and ensnared the two mares.

"My stars and garters!" Apple Jewell gasped.

"What...?!" Shindig struggled and fought to break herself loose from the energy tendrils, but to no avail. She caught a dim light in her peripheral vision, and she looked over at her son. "Flim! Are you doing this?!"

"I can't let you leave, Mother..." Flim said, sweating as he concentrated on the spell. "Not with the Blue Jay able to bend the dream like she is!"

"The dream?! What are you even talking about?!" Shindig snarled. "Let us go this instant!"

"It's for your own good! And for Philanthropy..." Flim gulped. "For Father! The Cider Princess must—"

"Hnnngh!" Stu Leaves plowed into Flim's side.

"Augh!" Flim yelped, thrown off balance. The magic released Shindig and Apple Jewell while the two stallions went tumbling off into the seats below the stage.

Epic To a Fault

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash and Flam were having some sort of fight.

"RAAAAAAAAAUGH!" Flam's burning horn carved a melting path through falling skyscraper debris. At the other end of the tunnel, a calmly hovering pegasus waited, her ruby eyes reflecting his barreling approach. "For Mother's sake, I vanquish thee!" He fired a beam of energy down the collapsing tunnel, morphing steel and glass into a cylindrical swarm of scorpions and spiders.

The foamy sea of arachnids closed in on Rainbow Dash, suffocating her from all sides. Before Flam's eyes, the wriggling mass solidified into a sphere of stone, then flattened out—forming a wheel. The wheel spun, then turned about, revealing Rainbow Dash "surfing" on the back of the ancient disc.

"You really do shout too much." Rainbow smirked. Rainbow punched.

WHAM! "OOFA!" Flam flew back from the blow, smashing through a wall of plaster and brick.

Rainbow's eyes glinted. She sneered—and her muzzle morphed into a hard beak. Razor-sharp talons glinted in the sparse sunlight as she took on the form of Romulus, spearing her way through the massive collapse of material as she punched, slashed, and smacked Flam through wall after wall of the falling skyscraper. Wham! Smack! Whap! Pow!

Another shockwave flew through the wildly dangling platforms of Philanthropy. The Ponyvilleans and the guards paused fighting altogether, turning to gawk at the scene several blocks away. The last collapsing skyscraper was so intense that it dropped the platform altogether. A quartet of chains ripped apart, and gigantic iron links flew wildly in every direction, creating creaters and sinkholes throughout the precariously hanging urbanscape.

One such chunk of metal flew into a skyscraper looming above the ampitheatre. Donut Joe and Mulia Mild scampered across the stage, dodging sharp lengths of steel and shrapnel.

"Goodness me!" Mulia stammered, her eyes darting between Apple Jewell, Shindig, and the intense brawl between Stu and Flim. "She's going to bring the whole city down at this rate!"

"Nah, I don't think so!" Donut Joe said in a gruff voice.

"But... but surely you see how she is—"

"Trust me, Mulia." Donut smirked. "If there's any dame who can stick it to these bozo's, it's Rainbow Dash." He winked, patting the mule's shoulder while nevertheless protecting her from the elements. "Just sit back and watch the fireworks."

SMASSSH!

Rainbow Dash—back in pegasus form—came bursting out of the dust cloud left in the wake of the sundered platform. She ascended higher and higher, staring all about the battered lengths of the dangling city, squinting past its multiple steampipes and spinning pinwheels.

At last, she heard a sharp echo behind her. She turned to see Flam sailing upwards, telekinetically dragging huge bushels of dust and debris along with him.

"This isn't over yet, Blue Jay!" he hollered. "I am my family's hoof of vengeance!"

"Oh! There you are!" Rainbow grinned. "Hey, didja like the griffon thing? The griffon thing I just did?"

"Silence!" Flam spat, doing a backflip. The dust beneath him molded together, forming a gigantic fire-breathing dragon in time for him to land—saddling its neck. "This ends now!"

"Dragons?" Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Prepare to burn you insignificant waste of—"

FWOOOOSH! Rainbow Dash sailed up and—with one buck—reduced the entire draconian serpent to raindrops.

"Aaaaaa—!" Flam flailed, plunging.

GRIP! Rainbow grabbed him by the neck. "You know what your problem is, Felix?" She grunted, spun, and flung him through a series of collapsing smoke-stacks. P-P-POW!

Flam jolted, twirled, and landed awkwardly on the rooftop of an apartment complex. He winced, squinting up through the settling soot and smoke.

Rainbow Dash hovered straight down, her forelimbs crossed as she gave him a bored glare. "You've spent all your life dreaming." Her eyes narrowed even harder. "Me? I've been living. Guess what gives who an edge here, ya melon fudge?"

Nevertheless, Flam gnashed his teeth. He hopped up, telekinetically scooped up a chunk of rooftop, and flung lump after lump at Rainbow Dash in the form of huge granite boulders. "Haaaaugh! Rrrrrgh!"

Rainbow Dash calmly flew backwards from the approaching projectiles. She shook her wings, shedding row after row of blue feathers. Right as the boulders reached her, she clapped her forelimbs together, coagulating the feathers into a stone gray earth mare with dull eyes.

"Rocks." Maud breathed.

Rainbow hugged her from behind as Pinkie's sister effortlessly punched, bucked, and headbutted each incoming boulder. Pebbles showered down on the rooftops of Philanthropy, causing Flam to wince and shield himself with a wave of telekinesis.

Rainbow Dash capitalized on the moment. She spun around, grunted, and flung Maud Pie with all her might. The mare barreled down towards Flam, twirled like a hoofball, and enlarged by a factor of ten. By the time the body had reached Flam, it had morphed completely into a burly minotaur wearing a neck tie.

"OH YEAH!" Iron Will landed, swinging a folding chair full-force into Flam's face.

WHANNNNG!

"Aaaaaugh!" Flam flew off the rooftop, smashed through two collapsing skyscrapers...

...and returned to the ampitheatre, grinding through several seats and knocking Stu and Flim off their hooves.

Both stallions collapsed to the concrete, thoroughly winded. Stu still winced and struggled from the pain of his bloodied limb. Because of this, Flim was the first to get up. Thoroughly throttled, he nevertheless manage to share a glance with Flam.

"Flim, ol' chum..."

"Yes... brother of mine?" Flim wheezed.

"Everything's collapsing. We have one last ace up our sleeves." Flam's eyes narrowed. "If we can't bring the Cider Princess to the door..."

Flim gasped. "But... but..." He winced, looking in the direction of the collapsed buildings. "...that dream will fall apart if... if we do what you're proposing—"

"It doesn't matter!" Flam shouted, hobbling up to his hooves. Both stallions shuddered to hear the rocketing sound of Rainbow Dash's epic approach. "All that's important is that we restore what's lost to Mother!"

Flim trembled. He looked up at the air distorting from the speeding pegasus.

"Are you with me or aren't you, brother?!" Flam shouted.

Flim shuddered. "You keep her distracted." He frowned. "I'll bring the door here."

Flam spat, cracking his joints as he stood up. "Thatta boy." He turned to face Rainbow Dash. "Let's finish this."

Stu overheard it. He overheard everything. With a sputtering gasp, he flung his jaws to the air and shouted. "Rainbow Dash! No! Stop Flim! You gotta stop—"

POWWW! All sound cut out from the noise of Rainbow Dash plowing into Flam. Stu and everypony else winced from the wave of dust. Rainbow and the mustached unicorn continued their fight across the ampitheatre. In the meantime, Flim ran towards the very edge of the stage, took a deep breath, and summoned the brightest glow yet to his horn.

And just like that, the air around the platform grew deathly cold.

Front and Center Stage

With a sharp breath, Rainbow Dash dodged several of Flam's blasts and punched the stallion in the face. She grabbed the stallion from behind, but the son of Shindig cast a dreamweave spell, causing the floor of the stage beneath them to turn to liquid. The two dropped through, disappearing wetly underneath.

Wincing, Stu crawled over towards Flim, attempting in vain to stop him from channeling the spell. "Please... you can't do this! She has a real life—"

Flash! Flim unleashed a force field, knocking Stu back.

"Ooof!" Stu rolled to the side. Mulia and Donut rushed towards him.

"What's going on?!" Mulia stammered.

Stu hollered above the howl of rushing winds. "He's trying to summon the door!"

"You mean the one that could claim Applejack's life?!" Mulia exclaimed.

"Well, ain't gonna happen!" Frowning, Donut Joe marched towards Flim. "This guy's got a hoof up his butt with his name on it—"

"You can't stop him!" Stu exclaimed. "None of us can! For some reason, only Rainbow is powerful enough!"

"Yes... but..." Mulia looked at the thinning battle to the side of the stage. The Ponyvilleans were winning, though it was getting hard to tell them apart from the enemy. "Just where is Rainbow Dash? Where did she go—?"

SPLASSSH!

Right at that moment, Rainbow came bursting out of the liquid part of the stage, shoving Flam against the wall with He Who Bags Well and several other buffalo.

"Ooomf!" Flam held his breath then returned with a volley of energy, transforming the buffalo into incendiary fireworks. P-P-P-POWWWW!

Rainbow Dash winced, caught fire, and had to twirl several times to extinguish her sizzling wingfeathers. Before she could re-engage Flam, she heard Stu's shouting voice from behind.

"Rainbow! The door!"

"Huh?!" The pegasus flung a glance behind her, eyes sparkling. "What door?!" Something thin and black reflected off her gaze. She looked up, jaw dropping. "Ohhhhh Luna poop..."

Just then, Flam tackled her from behind, shoving her to the floor. He hadn't much time to pummel for, because within seconds—

THUDDD! The door landed like a missile, channeling its way through the stage and sundering the ampitheater in two. It left a wake of ethereal blue energy—a veritable chasm of thought and comprehension that rapidly devoured the remaining matter.

As the deathly smoke settled, Shindig and Apple Jewell stopped flinching. They gazed at the portal Flim had summoned in confusion and fear.

Up above, Gustave was still recoiling from the otherworldly shockwave that the landing door had caused. He collapsed awkwardly on a windowsill, and within seconds Epcot was perching beside him.

"Merde!" he exclaimed, gawking down at the black shape leaning awkwardly within the niche where it had come to a halt. "What in Goddess' name is that?"

Epcot stared at it, her expression paling and paling. "...beyond me," she eventually murmured.

A Rather Arduous Wait

The city of Philanthropy wasn't the only thing that was collapsing. The sky too gave way, and the ravine and the vast expanse beyond it. The whole dreamscape was ripping apart in every direction, revealing an ethereal madness of dark ultraviolet light beyond the fragile fabric of reality.

Buildings peeled off their foundations, ribboning off into these tiny fissures and crevices in thought. Helpless citizens—both innocent constructs and vile pawns—were yanked off their hooves and sent screaming into the void. Soon, every dangling platform within the ravine was being stripped clean of every aspect of the simulation, until the centermost platform—the one with the ampitheatre—flimsily remained.

Mulia Mild gulped. She and Donut Joe and Gustave le Grande all clung together while staring at the frightful darkness closing in from all sides.

"Most of the dream is already gone!" Epcot exclaimed, her voice ringing through the turbulent air. "Soon, there'll be nothing left to stand on!"

"Then what will happen to us?!" Gustave asked.

"You aren't a fabrication of the dream," Epcot explained. "Once Philanthropy dissipates completely, we'll be flung back into the heart of Cider Space. I expect the force of that ejection will be enough to wake mortals like you."

Mulia exhaled in relief. "Oh, thank Celestia!"

"But..." Donut Joe blinked. "What about Applejack?"

At precisely that moment, Rainbow Dash got up, shaking off the cobwebs of her most recent scuffle with Flam. She turned and took one look at the dark door.

The object's black frame sunk deeper into the stage's surface, as if it was a dark knife carving through the remaining matter of Philanthropy. Not too far away, Shindig and Apple Jewell stood, their hooves still anchored to the sparsely remaining dream fabric. Before Rainbow's eyes, Flim and Flam joined side by side. The brothers trotted swiftly over towards Apple Jewell.

"What is the meaning of this, Frederick?! Felix?!" Shindig hollered. "What would compel you to summon the door here?!"

"You will be one with father, mother," Flam said. "One way or another."

"Come, sister." Flim placed his hoof on Apple Jewell's shoulder. "Your destiny awaits."

"Rrrrgh... No!" Rainbow sailed at the two.

Both brothers spun from Apple Jewell. Combining their magic, they fired a dense wave of energy at the pegasus.

Rainbow Dash slammed straight into the rippling forces. Nevertheless, she propelled herself forward, fighting the sheer onslaught from the two unicorns. "Mmmmfnngh... what... what gives?!" She wheezed for breath. "I th-thought I'd become a super dreamer or some crap!"

"The dream fabric is ripping apart all around us," Epcot said. "You haven't much of the same power left! And neither do they!"

"We won't let you have her!" Flim stammered, sweating and straining visibly as he fought to maintain the magical output through his horn. "We've worked too hard to make this moment happen!"

"Sons..." Shindig spoke. Suddenly, she was walking free, no longer anchored to the floor. She paced around the two unicorns as they resisted Rainbow Dash's approach. "...if this is truly about Philanthropy, my husband, then you will stop this at once."

"She's... st-starting to fade, brother!" Flam hissed. "We have to be quick about this!"

"Trust us, mother!" Flim added. "This is for your own good!"

"I do not see any good in this," Shindig said. She teetered slightly, rubbing her head as her own coat started to peel off like a layer of pastel dust. "I... I only see nothing but darkness. You were trying to save me... and I understand that now. But your father..." She grimaced, her face rippling away to reveal a more distraught muzzle underneath. "Blessed Celestia, my beloved is gone. And the farm... and this..." She shook her head, tearing up. "This shouldn't be. None of this should. My daughter... I haven't got a daughter. I..." She looked Apple Jewell's way. "...you. Who are you even...?"

"It's over, you jerks!" Rainbow's voice cracked as the force field holding her back started to fade. She inched forward, her wings blurring. "You couldn't pull a fast one over your mother forever! How'd you even expect her to be happy in the end?!"

"You don't understand. This was going to save her life!" Flam snarled. "One soul for another!"

"To bring back the spirit of Father so that they could commune together!" Flim added.

"But that's not how it works!" Rainbow Dash shouted. "You can't bring back the spirit of the dead! You can only embody it—by living the way you know would make them proud!" She spat. "That's why in this world and the next you both will be nothing more than a pair of pathetic losers!"

"We haven't lost," Flam hissed, his horn starting to short out. "Oh no... we haven't lost at all!" He then cut the magic out completely, spun around, and grabbed Apple Jewell's gasping body.

Rainbow Dash broke through the field and flew at him.

But it was too late. As his last act, he twirled and flung Apple Jewell straight at the door. Within a second, he was being slammed into the ground by Rainbow Dash. She looked over, saw Apple Jewell flying into darkness, and screamed. "No!"

At Death's Door

"You did it, brother!" Flim yelped, though barely anypony heard him.

All eyes were locked on the Cider Princess as she flew through the dark door.

Rainbow Dash's eyes shrank to pinpricks and she could only stumble forward. Her wings flexed—

"Hrkkk!" Suddenly, Stu Leaves was there, diving through the doorframe. He reached in deep, his body sizzling from head to tail from the proximity to the blackness beyond. Nevertheless, he jerked in place, anchored to something. "Mmmmfnnghh... graaaaugh!" He yelped in pain, but nevertheless pulled and tugged and leaned back. As he stumbled his way back from the door, everypony could see his fetlock gripped around a dainty orange limb.

Rainbow exhaled in mixed relief and horror.

"He's got her!" Epcot shouted. "He's holding her within the dream realm!"

"No..." Flam sat up, snarling. "No, that can't possibly be—!" WHAM! Rainbow Dash punched him savagely across the face.

She turned and looked at the door once again.

Stu winced and heaved. The forces of darkness overwhelmed him, and he slumped forward—not once letting go of Apple Jewell.

FWOOOSH! Rainbow Dash lunged forward. She braced her lower legs against the black frame and clutched Stu's body with both forelimbs. The contact with the door burned to the touch, but she nevertheless held her place as she pulled him back in by the waist.

"Hrnnnghhh! Come on... you g-got her..." She clenched her tearing eyes shut. Rainbow's body warped and shifted from the devouring tug of the forces beyond the door. Still, with loyal persistence, she was able to pull Stu's body back into the dreamscape. "Just hold on... don't let go... don't you dare let go, Stu!"

"Wouldn't... mfrmmgnngh... dr-dream of it...!" He whimpered. He repositioned his hooves to grip Apple Jewell's shoulders, holding her even tighter.

However, as they pulled the Cider Princess back out, there was something paler about her. The mare's complexion was blank, and her eyes had rolled back. The earth pony's dainty body had been reduced to a limp ragdoll, with only a slight twitch to her tail to indicate any sort of conscious resistance to the circumstances at hoof.

"Stop them!" Flim hollered. He got up on his hooves and galloped to the scene. "Stop them! They're ruining everyth—" Donut Joe's hoof flew into his chest. As the unicorn stumbled forward, Joe then uppercutted him to the fractured stage.

Huffing and puffing, Donut rushed over and gripped Rainbow's flank. Gustave and Mulia soon joined in. With a combined grunt, the group yanked and pulled, finally ripping Apple Jewell loose from death's pull.

"Ooomff!" Rainbow sprawled across the stage. Everypony rolled off in opposite directions, including Apple Jewell and Stu Leaves.

For a second, everything was hyperventilating breaths and dizziness. When Rainbow's vision finally returned, she saw nothing but rippling blue nothingness overhead, almost as bleak and dismal as the emptiness that loomed outside beyond the door.

With a groan, she sat up, looking all around her. Only the Ampitheatre was all that remained of Philanthropy. The dream had collapsed to a tight sphere around where the door was nestled. A few feet away from the portal, lying limp and motionless, was Apple Jewell.

Stifling a whimper, Rainbow crawled towards the mare's side and gently turned her over.

For the Win

Despite the gloomy sky above—or lack thereof—Apple Jewell's freckles glinted with an ethereal light. Her mane cascaded around her dainty face in golden tresses. The mare's lips pursed, with the slightest hint of air wafting in and out of her closed mouth.

Rainbow Dash gazed at her. She took deep breaths. Gradually, her wings drooped and her shoulders buckled. A mistiness crossed her eyes, blurring Apple Jewell's figure. So Rainbow clenched them shut, leaning forward until her forehead brushed up against Apple Jewell's. In sweet silence, she fought the intense need to sob.

Apple Jewell was so delicate—a ghost of the mare Rainbow Dash knew in real life. Seeing her in such a decrepit form—no matter how beautiful—ripped her to the core. She didn't dare open her eyes for fear of seeing Apple Jewell still unconscious upon glancing again. So she rested there, the mare's dainty figure cradled in her forelimbs, with their soft-soft coats making the featheriest of contact.

At any moment, Rainbow Dash figured, Flim or Flam might come charging in and bucking the two mares apart. But she didn't hear any movement from the unicorn siblings. She didn't sense any movement at all, save for the sure trot of a figure just behind her. The smell of sugar-sweet mirth tickled Rainbow's nose, and she knew who she was speaking to without looking.

"Tell me, Epcot..." Rainbow's voice was weaker than she expected. She made little attempt to clear her throat. "Tell me... h-how bad is it?" At last she looked up, eyes brimming with tears. "Is she... is she gone?"

The air around what remained of the ampitheatre had grown tempestuous. Cyclonic winds ripped past the ponies' manes, making it hard for Rainbow Dash to hold Apple Jewell in place. Gustave, Mulia, and Donut Joe clung to one another, looking past the limp bodies of Flim and Flam. Despite the turbulence, Epcot stood her ground, unaffected by the collapse of Philanthropy.

"It's difficult to say, Rainbow Dash," the chaperone said. "All things considered, she wasn't even here to begin with."

Rainbow looked about to vomit. "What...?!"

"It's the dream self that they built around her, Rainbow," Epcot exclaimed. "The mortals known as Felix and Frederick used all of their energy and dreamweaving to build the shell of the 'Cider Princess' around your friend!" She slowly shook her head. "So long as that thought-construct stands solid around her, she'll remain part of the dream!"

"For how long?!"

Epcot shrugged. "It is difficult to say. I can tell you, though, that a mortal soul cannot withstand separation from its corporeal form for long. If she doesn't return to the real world soon, there's no telling what will be left of her."

Rainbow grimaced. She looked at the obsidian portal not far from them. "The door... did the door do this to her?"

"It likely stripped her of the ability to fight against her dream self."

"But... but I went through the door and came back—"

"You went through the door?!" Epcot blinked, looking genuinely surprised for the first time since Rainbow met her. "But... but that's inconceivable. How are you here?"

"I... I can't explain it... but..." Rainbow's voice cut off as she glanced at Shindig's figure twitching on the floor not far from Flim and Flam. "Shindig. Serenity's dream form has fallen apart!"

"Indeed."

"Then why isn't the same thing happening to Applejack?!"

"I can only guess that the dream woven around her is far stronger."

"But..." Rainbow squirmed, starting to hyperventilate. "B-but..."

"The soul of your friend cannot currently overpower the dream constructed around her, Rainbow Dash," Epcot said. "The only thing that can break the shell now is whatever the two mortal brothers arranged."

"Arranged...?"

"They drew the fantasy from within Applejack's subconscious, did they not?"

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. She looked down at the limp mare in her grasp. "The Cider Princess..." She shuddered. "Apple Jewell... Princess of Philanthropy... a fairy tale..." She stared off into disentegrating space, her ruby eyes focusing on a singularity beyond the veil. "A fairy tale..." Her facial muscles twitched. "A kiss from her knight in shining armor!"

"Rainbow Dash!" Donut Joe called over. "What's going on over there?!"

"Is Applejack okay or not?!" Mulia stammered.

"Mon dieu..." Gustave's feathers ruffled as he stared at the empty sky. "...we cannot stay here."

"She needs a kiss from her knight in shining armor to wake up!" Rainbow rambled out loud. "She... she's always secretly f-fantasized about being a princess, and being kissed awake by her... her..." Slowly, the mare's ears drooped. "...by her handsome special stallion to be..." She clenched her teeth, then shut her eyes tight. "...the Red Rook."

Epcot cocked her head to the side. "Huh?"

"It... it all makes sense..." Rainbow gulped a lump down her throat and shuddered where she sat. "Of course it does."

"Rainbow Dash, if you have a solution in mind, then now is the time to—"

"Stu!" Rainbow barked, then snarled. "Stu! Stu Leaves!"

A figure stirred from somewhere past Shindig and her sons.

Rainbow shuffled her grip of Apple Jewell, gazing across the windswept platform.

Stu fought to stand up, still bleeding from his front fetlock.

"Stu!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "Get over here! On the double!"

"Mmmfff... huh?" Stu looked over, eyes squinting through the turbulent air. "What?" Upon seeing Apple Jewell, he blanched. "Rainbow! Is Applejack okay?! She looks... she looks so—"

"Will you just shut up and get over here, please?!"

"Rainbow," Epcot spoke below the bedlam. "I honestly don't think that—"

"Stu!" Rainbow hollered, her heart pounding. "Please. I... I need... Applejack needs you to—"

A thunderous crack rolled across the heavens. The outer half of the platform broke off... carrying everypony with it. Everypony but Rainbow Dash, Apple Jewell, and the chaperone. Shindig and her sons disappeared in the tumult. Mulia, Joe, and Gustave went sailing off—filling the air with screams. There was the flicker of Stu's horrified eyes, and then he was gone, toppling off through non-space.

"STU!" Rainbow hollered, holding Applejack tight. Tears flew into the blurry dreamscape, and she yelped: "Epcot! Quick! Go catch them!"

"Rainbow—" The chaperone waved a forelimb.

"You gotta get Stu! Bring him back before—"

"It's too late for them!" Epcot retorted. "They've left the dream!"

"Are they... a-are they—?!"

"They will return to the conscious surface world," Epcot calmly, firmly explained. "They do not belong in this dream. I could go and try to catch them, but I'd rather be here for Applejack. I need to be here for you."

"But... but Stu..." Rainbow panted and panted, clinging to Apple Jewell on the last remaining chunk of concrete. "The Red Rook... I-I-I mean..."

"Rainbow Dash." Epcot smiled, a very soft thing in the heart of the maelstrom. "Perhaps in the mortal realm you can run from it. But right now, Applejack can't afford it."

Rainbow gazed at her, shivering. Sweat poured down from her brow.

Epcot said, "For the dream around Applejack to collapse, an even stronger dream must come true." Epcot grazed Rainbow's shoulder. "You have saved her... and you will save her again. If that doesn't deserve the distinction of 'shining,' then I don't know what does." She ended the speech with a smile.

Rainbow leaned back, heaving. She hugged Apple Jewell close, then gazed down at her soft face and even softer freckles. "It... it's never been that simple. She's... she's so awesome. And I... I mean she deserves... she deserves so much..."

"Then why exactly are you here?"

Rainbow Dash sniffled, pressing her forehead once again to Apple Jewell's. "Like he told me..." She choked on a sob. "...to win."

Epcot stepped back.

And it was in good time too.

Rainbow Dash leaned in, holding her breath. When she finally spoke, it was with six soft words, squeaked more than uttered. And then her lips were busy brushing against Apple Jewell's. The moment was far softer than she expected. Something collapsed inside her as she tasted the mare's breath. She wanted to cry. She did cry.

But just as Rainbow brought two hooves up to cradle Apple Jewell's face for an even deeper kiss, the floor gave out from beneath her.

She shrieked, feeling Apple Jewell's body slip away. Now she was falling backwards, plummeting, rocketing through the layers of subconscious thought. Cider Space sped past her, and the former location of Philanthropy shrank into a pinprick, as did Apple Jewell's figure.

"No... nooo!" Rainbow hollered, wailed. She flapped her wings, but they were disappearing rapidly around her, melting into sudsy bubbles and cider foam. She tried shrieking, but liquid poured out of her lungs. At last, when nothing was left but her torso, she reached out in vain for the speck that Apple Jewell's body had become.

A pale hoof grasped her.

Rainbow yelped, her eyes affixed to Epcot's. "Epcot!" She sputtered as her body ribboned off into the space between consciousnesses. "Epcot... help me! Please...!"

"Shhhhh..." Epcot whispered.

"But... b-but..."

Epcot smiled. With warm cheeks, she said, "Don't worry." And after nuzzling the edge of Rainbow's hoof, the chaperone let go.

"Epcot—!" Then Rainbow Dash dissipated.

Epcot floated off into the ether, watching the realm of Cider Spice undulate and swell around her, until once again she was a ghostly blight upon the expanse.

And the rest was swallowed up in blackness.

Wake Up

Rainbow heard a shrill whistle, and only after the tenth consecutive second of convulsions did she realize it was the sound of her own wheezing breath. Once her eyes stopped rolling back into their sockets, she made out a fuzzy scene on top of another fuzzy scene. Several rapid blinks later, she realized that she was seeing a gray room housed within a concrete building.

The cider mill...

She was back on Shindig's farm. Inside her cider-making building. And before her...

"Epcot...?" Rainbow Dash whimpered. It was difficult to breathe; it was difficult to do anything. She tried lifting her head, and the world instantly spun. Rainbow lurched forward, struggling to stay seated in the folding chair beside the table and overturned goblet.

Her gaze swam over the floor. She saw a brown Stetson lying on the floor. Several feet forward, she saw an opened sliding door made out of metal and concrete. Beyond that—dimly illuminated by dull morning light through the high windows—was an array of bodies lying on gurneys. Against the far wall was the sarcophagus that housed Serenity Shindig's body... though something was off about it.

The entire device was glowing.

An alarm buzzed. Rainbow felt the temperature in the room increasing dramatically. Before her eyes, several steam pipes burst, spitting mist all across the interior. Indecipherable gazes twirled towards the red, and a high pitched whine filled the room.

Rainbow gritted her teeth.

Flim and Flam's dream had collapsed, and there was nothing left to stabilize the machinery.

Sure enough, within a minute, the glass holding Serenity shattered completely. Her body slumped forward with a stifled groan, and Rainbow saw her limbs stirring ever so slightly. Beside her, Flim and Flam shifted in their restraints, their eyelids fluttering.

Rainbow felt a nervous flutter in her chest. Before she could do anything—POWWW! The very top of the sarcophagus exploded. Shards of glass flew over Rainbow's head, but one object in particular landed on the concrete floor several feet away with a smoke trail.

Rainbow gasped. It was the chaos shard—the energy core of the machine.

With one flap of her wings, Rainbow dove onto her hooves... and promptly collapsed.

"Mmmmfff!" She grunted breathily, falling chest-first across the concrete floor. She winced, battling numbness and pain in murderous waves. Her eyes opened, and she sensed a fine sheen of sweat coating her body. "Wh-what... I...?!"

Reality came thundering towards her at a frightening speed. She didn't know how long in the real world she had been unconscious. It could have been hours... days... there just wasn't any way to tell for sure. The only thing Rainbow could be certain of was that she had been without her medication the entire time.

"Grnnngh... mfmmfff..." Straining, Rainbow tried pulling herself forward. She was able to move, but only slightly. It took a full minute to cover five inches. With eyes locked on the chaos shard, she persisted, struggling against stiff muscles to make it across the room.

All the while, the sarcophagus holding Shindig whined louder and louder. Rainbow heard more and more steam pipes bursting. It got to the point where it was difficult to see ten feet ahead, much less the farthest end of the building. Regardless, Rainbow tried, lifting her head and staring into the chamber beyond the open doors.

At that precise moment, Gustave Le Grande was stirring. Mulia Mild and Donut Joe were starting to get up from their gurneys, rubbing their heads in pain. Even Stu Leaves and the sons of Shindig were starting to fully wake. In fact, the only body that wasn't moving was—

"Applejack." Rainbow squeaked. She pulled, tugged, and fought to inch her way forward. At least, she got as far as the chaos shard, instantly hugging the thing to her chest. She panted and panted, flexing her wing muscles. Her numbness was so bad that even her feathers had atrophied—with the very tips tingling with needle-prick sensations. All the mare could do was lie on her side and gaze with helpless horror as Applejack's body continued to lie dormant. "Please... please, Applejack... please..." Rainbow's lip quivered, and her eyes moistened instantly. "Tell me it worked. Celestia... Luna... somepony tell me it wasn't for nothing." She clenched her eyes shut, shivering all over. "The cider princess lives... the cider princess lives!"

"No! Mother, no!"

Rainbow gasped. Her eyes flew open and her head jerked to gaze at the far end of the chamber.

For a brief moment, the billowing steam parted, and Rainbow could see two stallions kneeling besides Shindig's body right outside the metal sarcophagus. In a single blink, Rainbow could tell that Serenity's fate was consideratly worse than hers. The mare's body had completely paled, and her eyes were terribly bloodshot.

"Stay with us, Mother!" Flim sobbed.

"It's too late," Flam grumbled, a sweating mess. "The... the alicorns' spell! She was in there too long! There isn't enough of her that came back!"

"No! We can still save her!" Flim yelped, nuzzling the old mare close. "We can send her back! We c-can fix this!"

"Shhhh... shhhh..." Shindig gently caressed one stallion, then the other. "Felix... Frederick... you've done enough..."

"Don't say that, Mother!" Flim whimpered.

"We wanted you to be happy," Flam said, quivering. "We... we worked so hard to find a way for you to be with Father again and—"

"I... had my time with your father," Shindig murmured. "I... I know I was very cold for a very long time, but... but I-I had moved on..."

"But... but Mother..."

"It's alright... it's alright, my darlings..." Shindig smiled weakly at them. "I... I forgive you." She gulped. "I can never hate anypony for loving me so much."

"We failed you, Mother," Flam said with a shuddering breath. Tears fell from his and Flim's eyes. "We only wanted you to be happy."

"I am happy," Shindig said. "To have such lovely... handsome sons... how can I not?"

"Please Mother, don't... don't say—"

"You... you will have to learn to move on too..." Shindig murmured. "Someday... and then... then..." Her eyes rolled back as her chest deflated. "...we will be together again."

"Mother..."

"Mother? Mother!"

Both stallions buried their faces in her chest, sobbing uncontrollably. All the while, Shindig's figure went limp, her mouth hanging agape.

Rainbow bit her lip. Her ears twitched to the sound of murmuring voices. She glanced over.

Stu was hobbling up to his hooves, wincing, dazed. "I... I feel so... so..." He blinked across the steamy room. "That whistling noise. How... where did...?"

"The princess..." Mulia Mild sat up, rubbing her skull. Donut Joe helped her off her gurney as she struggled to get an even hoofing. "Is she safe? Did we do it?"

"I don't like the sound of this," Gustave said, glancing at the glowing hot sarcophagus. "That machine..."

"Say, if we're all awake..." Donut Joe blinked. "Doesn't that mean that—?"

"YOU!"

Rainbow's heart skipped a beat. She turned to look.

Flim and Flam had stood up. Their faces were wrenched in unadulterated rage—a primal sort of anger that evaporated the tears from ther eyes.

"You... you did this...!"

"If it weren't for you, Mother would be in paradise!"

"Don't you realize what you've done?!"

"It's all your fault!" Flim and Flam galloped straight for Rainbow Dash, their heavy hooves swinging towards her vulnerable body. "I swear on our Mother's life we'll make you pay—"

WHAMMM! A pair of orange hooves bucked the two stallions so hard their bodies flew across the room and ricocheted off a concrete wall.

Rainbow Dash gasped. So did Stu. Both ponies glanced aside.

Applejack swiveled back onto all four hooves, panting. "Threaten one of my friends again and you'll fly clear into the ocean, ya varmints!" Applejack tossed her mane and looked down at Rainbow Dash. "Rainbow! Y'all okay?"

"I... I-I..." Rainbow wheezed.

"What in tarnation is goin' on around here?! Where am I?!" Applejack trotted in a circle. "And what in the hay is makin' that high-pitched hog squeal?!"

"Everyone!" Gustave shouted. "The machine!"

"It's going to blow!" Donut added, already galloping out of the building with Mulia in tow. "Run like you got a pair!"

"Holy smokes!" Stu Leaves galloped across the way while Gustave flew overhead. "Rainbow! AJ!"

"Right!" Applejack had already slapped her hat on. "Let's move, Rainbow—Rainbow!" She looked over, eyes wide. "What are y'all layin' around for?"

"I... I can't... can't..." Rainbow felt the world going dark. Her eyes rolled back again as her head grew faint and fainter. "Feel like I'm gonna..."

"Land's sakes! Stu, give me a hoof!"

"Sure thing!"

"Quickly!"

The last thing Rainbow felt was Applejack's strong limbs folding around her. It was a warm enough thing to go with. With a final ounce of thought, Rainbow hugged the chaos shard to her chest and surrendered to the darkness.

Somewhere beyond the veil, she felt a loud thud, but it merged with the sound of her heartbeat, and then dwindled into absolute silence.

Dammit to Tartarus

The air crackled with the sound of burning cinders and flame.

Rainbow Dash stirred. She heard more and more chattering voices. Slowly, her eyes opened, and she squinted into a dull evening sky.

Smoke poured into the country air above the Fillyda landscape. The sound of crickets rang in the distance. Somewhere nearby, bodies were moving and shuffling about.

With a groan, the pegasus tried moving. She felt a blanket lying gently over her figure, and beyond the numbness she sensed a wooden board acting as a bed. At some point in time, somepony had laid her in the back of Applejack's wagon. As she tilted her head to the side, she saw several equine bodies in uniform shuffling about a charred site. Multiple officers had been summoned to the heart of Shindig Soils. Several carts and wagons painted with police colors lingered in a tight circle. The air tickled with the spray of water as fire fighters attempted to extinguish an endless blaze.

Blinking, Rainbow craned her neck, searching for the cider mill that had housed the Shindig brothers' machine. It took a few moments of contemplation to realize that the building had been completely burned down. Only a pile of burning rubbled remained.

Somewhere in the distance—murmuring calmly among the firefighters and police—Rainbow heard Stu Leaves' voice. And Applejack's.

"AJ..."

Rainbow tried to move, but the numbness overwhelmed her. Vague memories of an exploding sarcophagus and galloping bodies flickered across her mind. The sheer frustration of the moment forced a groan from her lips.

And somepony heard it. "Huh?" The voice was low, gruff. "Rainbow?" A figure trotted closer, his eyes awash with concern. "Rainbow Dash?"

"Mrmmff..." Rainbow blinked, squinting upwards. "...Joe..."

"H-hey! Rainbow Dash!" Donut Joe smiled. "Thank Celestia! You're in one piece, girl!"

"Guh... what... how...?"

"We got you out of that mess right in the nick of the time! Stu and Gustave flew off and summoned the local police. They've got that Silver Shill guy in hoofcuffs and everything. Whew-wee! What a mess! You sure missed a lot, sleepyhead!"

"Mmmgnnhhh..."

"Hey..." Donut tilted his head to the side, looking concerned. "Are you okay there, girl? Applejack said that you looked really... really out of it the moment we all woke from crazy-world—"

"Applejack.... Applejack!" Rainbow wheezed. "Is she okay?! Did they hurt her?! Is her head all in one place?!"

"Whoah whoah wh-whoah...!" Donut Joe waved his forelimbs, chuckling slightly. "The chick's fine! Nothing to freak out about!" He glanced behind him at the multiple officers circling the scene. "She's a lot healthier than the rest of us! That's for sure! I've never seen a mare made of such strong stuff! It's like she was never out of it to begin with!"

Wincing, Rainbow summoned the strength to tilt her head over and look past the edge of the cart. On the ground, she saw that several equipment had been moved to make room in the back of the wagon for Rainbow to lie down. Aside the crates of apple cider, she saw a canvas bag full of her own belongings lying in the grass.

"I'm not sure how she got out of that mess at the end... must have been something Epcot did... or pure dumb luck..."

"Uhm..." Rainbow wheezed. "Joe, I..."

"But, like, what's up with you?" Donut leaned in, squinting. "Did you hit your head something awful on the way out or what? You're like a limp noodle!"

"I'm okay, Joe. I just..." Rainbow shuddered, motioning with her head at the ground beside the cart. "I could use a drink."

"Huh? Parched, eh?" Donut smirked, turning towards the crates. "Well, don't sweat it. Good thing your buddy Applejack packed a whole buncha cider—"

"NO! No... uh..." Rainbow gulped. "No cider. Not for a while... please..."

"Heh. I feel ya. Hold up. Maybe one of the police officers brought some water with them. I'll check—"

"Actually... uh..." Rainbow nodded her head at her canvas bag. "If you look in there, you'll see I have a canteen... er... jug or two of my own."

"Oh yeah?"

"Home brew from Ponyville," Rainbow wheezed. "If... if you don't mind, dude..."

"Hey! Not at all! Besides, check it!" Donut winked at her as his horn glowed. With swift telekinesis, he produced a familiar white jug from Rainbow's bag and unscrewed it in midair. "I've got my magic back! Just like you and Stu got your wings back! Heh!" He chuckled. "Ain't that a beaut?"

"Right. Totally." Rainbow nodded, licking her lips. "If I could just... h-have a sip..."

"How much of a sip?"

"My eyes will tell you."

Donut cradled Rainbow's head, tilting her muzzle up so he could pour a liberal amount of the quaff down her gullet. She took several gulps, immediately feeling the potion's effect on her body's senses. After she felt the material adequately coating her stomach, she gave a prolonged blink.

Donut Joe floated the jug back, gently letting go of Rainbow's head.

The mare swallowed and leaned back. She exhaled, relaxing as she felt the very tips of her limbs tingling. It would take a while, but she knew that the medicine would soon have its desired effect.

"That good?" Donut Joe asked.

"Yeah..." Rainbow's voice cracked. "Thanks a ton."

"Hey, don't mention it." Joe took one whiff of the jug and winced. "Whew! Sure hope this stuff does the trick! Cuz it's murdering my nose!"

"Yeah. It'll do that."

"Heh... you Ponyville pegasi and your silly hippy drinks." He sealed the container back up and placed it on the ground. As he did so, Rainbow followed the motion with her eyes, and she spotted a familiar black shard of rock lying in the grass, ignored. "Salt of the earth, as far as I care. Or in this case the sky, eheheh..."

Rainbow stared fixedly at the rock.

"That was a joke, y'know."

"Oh! Uhm... right... right..." Rainbow took a mental note of the shard's position before wrenching her eyes off it to look at Joe. "Say... uh... Joe..."

"Yeah, Rainbow?"

"Is everyone accounted for?"

"Like I said, Applejack's healthy as a horse. Stu and Gustave flew off to grab the cops. As for me and Mulia, we're doing just fine. We're a bit weirded out by everything, but, y'know... we'll deal."

"I didn't mean that. I mean... yeah, that's super cool and all... I'm glad to hear it." Rainbow stifled a cough. "But... what about everyone."

"Oh... everyone?"

Rainbow tiredly nodded.

Donut Joe squirmed, then sighed. "Well... that's the less than snazzy part, Rainbow. You see... turns out Serenity Shindig didn't exactly survive the wild trip back. I mean, I wasn't such a huge fan of her, but still... super bummer."

Rainbow nodded, the grim memories coalescing in her head. "Yes... and...?"

"And..." Donut Joe bit his lip. "The two punks... Shindig's kids..."

"... ... ..."

"You gotta understand. Things were falling apart. The fire was spreading everywhere. We all freaked out and the first thing we wanted to do was get you and the rest of us out safely and... uh..." Donut Joe sighed, slicking back his messy mane. "...the morons got away, Rainbow. There's no smoother way to put it. I'm awfully sorry."

Rainbow tilted her head. As she felt the ends of her limbs tingling more and more, she spotted a shade of orange, trotting from one edge of the blaze to another. As her vision came into focus, she spotted Applejack standing next to Stu Leaves. Both ponies conversed with an officer or two.

And they looked perfectly healthy.

With a slow sigh, Rainbow smiled. A tired, heavy smile. "I'm not..."

Friends Through Thick and Thicker

Stu Leaves and Rainbow Dash trotted along the edge of the burning mess.

"Silver Shill's in custody," Stu explained under the noise of working officers and fireponies. "He's being uncooperative, of course."

"Of course," Rainbow muttered, balancing her weak stance with outstretched wings.

"But between him and the evidence gathered at the site, I'm pretty sure the police will get a lead on where the two sons of Shindig went," Stu said. He looked up, the wind blowing at his mane. "I told him as much as I knew about Cider Space and the alicorn chalice."

"Uh huh..."

"They'll likely have a bunch of questions for you. The police, I mean. You talked with Epcot more, so I suspect you have an even bigger mental picture of the situation."

"What good will that do?"

Stu glanced aside at her. "Well... we kinda found one of Equestria's oldest, most mysterious artefacts, Rainbow Dash." He smiled slightly. "I'm sure somepony somewhere will be greatful to know that. Who knows, with the right sort of magic spell, maybe some unicorns can even trace the whereabouts of Frederick and Flim."

"Whoah. They can do that?"

"Maybe. That's what the unicorn officers said, at least."

"Yeesh. Magic is weird."

"Heh. I know, right?" Stu glanced ahead. "Look..." He reached aside and tapped Rainbow on the shoulder. "There's AJ."

Rainbow looked up, and she tripped.

Applejack was on the other side of the police tape, rummaging through the mess. Just as the two approached, she pulled something out of the rubble with a heavy gasp. It was her hat; Applejack brushed the thing off, smiled with relief, and slapped the article over her skull.

"Hey!" Stu waved. "Hey, Applejack!" He pointed aside. "Look who's up!"

Applejack looked over, blinking calmly. With a quiet breath, she ducked under the tape and trotted over.

"Hey... h-hey AJ," Rainbow Dash said, waving with a blue wing. She smiled. "Pretty freaky, huh? I mean... all of this Serenity Shindig nonsense... what, with the magical chalice and all?"

Applejack walked up.

"But what matters is that you and everypony else is safe and we don't have to worry about—"

Applejack brushed straight past Stu and threw her arms around Rainbow Dash.

The pegasus gasped, instantly blushing red as a beet under the shade of night. Her heart pounded heavily, jostling her eyes until she looked limply over at Stu.

Stu quietly... politely backed away from the scene.

At last, Rainbow breathed, and it was a breath full of the smell of warm sweat and apples. She almost whimpered, but somehow found the strength to squeak, "AJ...?"

"I'm so glad yer doin' fine, sugarcube," Applejack said, holding her friend close. "You worried me somethin' awful!"

"I... I'm sorry... I-I..."

"Dun be, darlin'." Applejack leaned back, smiling at Rainbow Dash as she rested a hoof on the mare's shoulder. A pair of sparkling green eyes reflected the pegasus' twitching expression. "I'm guessin' the whole nasty dream business took a lot out of you."

"It did?" Rainbow blinked. Almost immediately, she jerked. "R-right! It did! Hooo boy..." She flexed her tingling muscles, smiling nervously. "Good thing I'm made of stronger, awesomer stuff! Heh!"

Applejack sighed. She stepped aside, her hoof brushing against the back of Rainbow's head. Before Rainbow could say something—the mare spoke: "Stu told me about what you did."

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow nearly wheezed. 'What... what did I do?"

Applejack glanced over. "You somehow found a way to stay longer in the dream, tryin' to pull me out."

"Oh. Oh right."

"No wonder you was so worn out when we found you woken up," Applejack said. "That must have taken a lot out of you."

"Well, Epcot helped a lot."

"Erm... yeah. I bet she did."

Rainbow squinted. "How much do you remember?"

Applejack pouted, adjusting her hat as she stared at hte crumbled ruins. "Bits and pieces, most of it rosy."

"Rosy?"

The mare sighed. "I... I feel mighty shameful sayin' it, but..."

"Go ahead. It's cool."

Applejack looked over with an apologetic expression. "All I remember is... is feelin' really good... and very comfortable-like." She gulped. "Them brothers... they put some spell on me. They made me feel as happy'n'joyful as I've always wanted to feel." The mare shuddered. "Like I was livin' some foalhood dream over and over again."

"Er... yeah..." Rainbow Dash glanced aside. "About that..."

"But somehow, the entire time, I knew that somethin' wasn't right." Applejack turned to smile at her again. "I didn't have my family with me. Or my friends. At least... that's what I thought."

"They put some heavy blinders on you, Applejack," Rainbow said. "But... you were there. In some way or another, a part of you cooperated. So don't feel bad."

"I dun feel bad. Not really." Applejack sighed, her lips curving. "It's impossible to feel bad when I know I've got ponies who care for me so much."

"Uhhhh..."

"You and Stu... you did yer darnedest to pull me out of there. And then Mulia Mild... Donut Joe... Gustave..."

"Heh... yeah, I suppose we got them out too, didn't we?"

"Always thinkin' for others when push comes to shove, eh girl?" Applejack chuckled, shaking her head. "I dun think I've ever been prouder to have such a loyal friend."

Rainbow Dash avoided Applejack's expression, if only so the mare couldn't see how aflame her cheeks were. "Yes, well..." She cleared her throat. "Stu helped."

"I reckon he did, but..."

Silence.

Rainbow glanced over. "But what?"

Applejack sighed. "I'm mighty tired. The police folk here say that they needs to question us a bit more. I'd say we get that over with and start to plan a way back home." Applejack rubbed her head, wincing. "And ta think I wasted so much time and money in comin' to this here dead end."

"AJ..."

"Now I gotta figure out a way to make up on lost apple buckin'! Who knows what kind of a hole this will put my farm in and—"

"Your farm's gonna be fine," Rainbow Dash said. "We both know that, so don't even pretend to complain about that."

"Even still—"

"And you are in one piece," Rainbow said, her brow furrowed. "And you're gonna go back to your family. Your real family. Ain't that a victory?"

Applejack stared at her. With a rosy expression to her freckles, she smiled and said, "Yeah, darlin'. I reckon it is."

Rainbow smiled.

"Come..." Applejack brushed her hoof against Rainbow's shoulder and led her towards the wagon. "...you look like you could use a drink. I've got more cider than I can toss into a sinkhole on account of there bein' no business here."

"Uhhhhm..." Rainbow shuddered. "No offense, AJ, but I think I've had my fill of cider for a while."

"Heheheheh..."

Roadtrippery

There was no sleeping that night, not even for the likes of Mulia, Gustave, or Donut Joe. Between police questions, interpony conversations, and the sheer ghastly sight of the collapsed cider mill, everyone involved with the dream stayed up well into the early morning. It was with a sullen shuffle that they eventually left Shindig Soils. The local authorities found a friendly hotel where the group could be sequestered, and eventually—over the next two days—they found the time to relax.

There was more questioning to be had, this time involving a group of unicorn investigators who had ridden down fom Atlantrot. Much inquiry was made about the dark chalice that was now in Fillyda police custody. Stu Leaves and Applejack told them as much as they knew about the sons of Shindig, their plans, and their accomplice Silver Shill. Rainbow Dash also informed them, keeping her tone subtle and discrete, then thanking her lucky stars that the investigators failed to ask about the possession of a chaos shard... much like the one she had hidded and nestled in her saddlepack.

Once that was done, it was time for the eeriest thing yet: a parting of ways. Applejack, Stu, and Rainbow bade an emotional farewell to the likes of Mulia, Gustave, and Donut Joe. It was too early to guess the financial repercussions of what Shindig's "invitation" had done to their businesses, but Applejack and Rainbow both pledged to use their connections back in Ponyville to try giving the three bakers a leg-up. The trio expressed their gratitude and left, appearing suitably cheerful—perhaps at being alive and not dreaming.

The same enthusiasm made the first half of the ride north more bearable for Rainbow and her friends. During the second half, Rainbow's lethargy caught up with her. She had consumed most of the medicine that Zecora and Noir had provided, and her legs were starting to fail her. If she had any hopes of appearing like a sane, healthy pegasus, then she had to consume the last container that was left. This mean lazing around and not lending a hoof much when it came to drawing the wagon through Atlantrot and beyond.

Not that it mattered: both she and Stu Leaves got plenty of breaks. It turned out that—after the whole ordeal—Applejack had gotten a fresh wind. In fact, she seemed far livelier and stronger than ever, and she pulled the wagon for the bulk of the journey almost as a way of showing her gratitude for the lengths her friends had gone through to drag her out of her enchanted situation. Applejack talked a lot—as well as hummed and smiled and chuckled. It brought many a smile to Rainbow's face, so that—by the time they had gotten back to Ponyville—she hardly realized how many days had gone by.

Safe and Sugary

"I... I guess I have no choice but to believe it!" Twilight Sparkle exclaimed. "I mean, given the police records and the official written report from the Atlantrot Magician's Ward... but still..." She shook her head, muzzle agape. "That's so much to take in!"

Beside her, Trixie nearly spat out her sarsparilla. She coughed, wheezed, and adjusted her gape. "The Great and Humble Trixie is likewise aghast! Dealing with that sort of Starswirl and Alicorn Conjuration—it's a wonder you're still alive today!"

"Well, thankfully, we're made out of sterner stuff than most ponyfolk," Applejack said with a wink from where she sat across the table at Sugarcube Corner. "But, all thangs considered, I shoulda been a goner!" She looked over with a proud smile at Stu and Rainbow. "It's these two that y'all should be thankin'! They dove in after me as if I was a lil' foal being swept downriver!"

"Oh, how charmingly heroic!" Rarity batted her eyelashes in Stu's direction. "And no doubt you didn't think one moment about yourself."

"Errrm..." Stu fidgeted, leaning away from the unicorn. "Actually, I... uh..."

"Yep." Rainbow sipped from a glass of water. "He was a hero, alright. Totally blew my mind."

"Hehe! Blew your mind like bubbles!" Pinkie grinned. "You sure you don't want some cider, Dashie? I can get Mr. and Mrs. Cake to pour some!"

"Er... I-I'm good, thanks," Rainbow said, waving a hoof.

"You poor... poor things..." Fluttershy cooed. "That situation sounds simply awful! And that poor mare who passed away..."

"Yeah, well, it's a cryin' shame about what happened to Miss Serenity Shindig," Applejack said. "She sure didn't deserve what her sons did to her... even though she loved them all in the end."

"A rather blind love if you ask me," Rarity grumbled.

"Maybe I'm reading too much into it," Stu spoke, "But she seemed at peace when she passed away. The real shame is that her sons didn't own up to the fact and give themselves up."

"Are they truly still at large?!" Rarity grimaced. "That's quite the dreadful thought!"

"But we done took away the only thang that made 'em a threat." Applejack leaned back with a smirk. "Without that crazy drinkin' mug, they're about as dangerous as a box of spur-less roosters. Eheh."

"About as proud and arrogant too," Rarity said with a wink.

"Darn tootin'."

"Just how long were you... erm..." Fluttershy fidgeted. "...dreaming for?"

"Well, according to the police reports, they found us exactly twenty-hours after we had first arrived on the farm," Stu explained, looking at the mares. "And considering that a good chunk of that time was Rainbow and I searching the Shindig home for clues, we're... uh... guessing that we were all under for maybe seven hours."

"About nine," Rainbow said.

"Or nine. Roundabouts."

"Wowie zowie!" Pinkie gasped. "And in the dream world, you experienced three days?"

"Well, they experienced three days," Applejack said, pointing at her two friends. "Sad as it is to say, I was mostly down for the count."

"This is absolutely incredible," Twilight said, bearing a dumb smile. "I can't wait to write to the Princess all about it!"

"Ohhhh..." Trixie sighed, slumping against the table. "What Trixie wouldn't have given to have been there as well. Saving Applejack along with her friends would be just the pick-Trixie-up that Trixie needs."

"Awww... well, if it helps y'all to know..." Applejack winked. "Y'all were there to save me."

"We were?"

"Eeyup! Accordin' to Stu and Rainbow here, my mind was breakin' through the mold that the brothers had built around me. On account of my subconscious and all, there were a bunch of copies of my friends and family helpin' to free my dream hide from the bad guys. Purdy nifty, huh?"

"Heehee!" Pinkie slapped her hoof against the table. "Now that I would pay to see! Or pay somepony else to see it and then act out in interpretive dance!"

"Heh... if that was the case, there'd be a lot of somersaults," Stu said. "...and explosions."

"Trixie loves explosions!"

"Oh, please, darling, must you? They've been through enough as it is!"

"Princess Celestia would be very much interested to know that an old relic has been discovered!"

"What about our pets? Was Gummi in there too? Huh?"

As Sugarcube Corner filled with chatter, Rainbow Dash glanced across the table. She made eye contact with Fluttershy.

Fluttershy stared at her. She glanced over at Applejack, then at Rainbow Dash again. She smiled wider... warmer.

Rainbow fought a blush. Ducking her head, she took another sip of water, and stared at the freckled center of the conversation. As her ears folded back, she let loose a dreamy sigh, smiling perpetually with no sign of ceasing.

A Stone's Throw

"Let me get this straight, Sparky..." Lancie perched on Rainbow Dash's bedpost, gawking at the pegasus in the afternoon light. "After this entire spiraling ordeal in an ancient dreamscape, a delightfully chaotic experience that I was misfortunate enough to not experience, you not only saved your betrothed bedmate to be but you actually kissed her?!"

"AJ's not my bedmate," Rainbow Dash grumbled. She laid in bed, curled up, hugging the shard to her tummy. After a deflating sigh, she said, "And... pretty much... yeah..."

"Harumph..." Lancie leaned back, crossing his stone arms before his chest. "What an anticlimax. Care to tell me why you're not dust, a basket of butterflies, or some melted goo? I'd assume that one or all of the above would be the end result of such righteous muzzle tango."

"You don't get it," Rainbow muttered. "It was in Cider Space?"

"Oh?" Lance blinked. A few seconds passed. He squatted down on the bedpost. "Ohhhhhhhhhhh..." He nodded. "Oh."

Rainbow exhaled. "Maybe it did the trick, or maybe Applejack was never in danger to begin with. Whatever the case... I'm here. She's here. We're all here. We made it through that mess."

"No regrets, then?"

Rainbow bit her lip.

"I mean, you got the stone from it all," Lancie said. "You got a kiss out of it—even if it was a half-kiss. That's... a win-win-win scenario, yes?"

"Hmmm?"

The statue winked. "The third win being the ability to let yours truly work his magic."

"That's just it, Lancie," Rainbow muttered. "I... I almost feel like the magic's already happened."

"Eh, you're just a drained sponge from all that dreamfarting."

"No, for real." Rainbow sat up, turning the large shard over in her hooves. "I kept thinking and thinking about... a-about how everypony who got stuck in Cider Space—Stu and Mulia and Gustave and Donut Joe—they all at one point or another became prisoners within their own fantasies. They had their best dreams come true, and I had to rip them out in order to carry them along the path to freedom. But me? I never got stuck. Not once." She gulped. "Or did I?"

"I'm afraid I don't follow, Sparky."

"The whole time... the whole dang time that I was there in Cider Space... I... I-I was doing what I've always wanted to do," she murmured. "Saving Applejack. Protecting her."

Lancie cocked his antler'd head to the side, listening.

"And... y'know... even though I eventually made my dream come true and pulled her out of there, not once was I ever given the assurance that I wasn't... wasn't obsessing." Rainbow shuddered. "If it hadn't worked, maybe I'd still be stuck in Cider Space now, performing the role of a Knight in Shining Armor. I'd be... just as worse off as Donut Joe in the Grid or... or Stu Leaves and his made up family."

Lancie slowly nodded. "But your dream came true. You saved the frecklepone."

"And, in a way, my dream's always coming true," Rainbow murmured. "So..." She glanced over at Lancie. "Why am I still obsessed with it?" She bit her lip. "Why can't I wake up?"

"I... uh... can't pretend to understand you silly mortals, Sparky," Lancie said, reaching back to scratch his stone back with his talons. "You live such short, puny lives. And yet, so many of you want to spend them all asleep. I only laugh at the notion because it's so dang sad."

Rainbow exhaled, staring at the shard.

"So what do you intend to wish for?" Lancie said.

"That's just it." Rainbow smiled faintly. "Applejack's been saved. Just by being alive... just by being herself she is A-okay. Maybe... just maybe I've gotta learn to accept that." She glanced over at Lancie with sparkling eyes. "I need to realize that always being there for her... as a best friend is... is what can make her most hidden dreams come true." She shuddered, albeit pleasantly. "And mine."

"Soooooooooo..." Lancie squinted. "...it's a wish wasted?" He arched an eyebrow. "Like my time?"

Rainbow shook her head. "Nah. I've got a wish for ya."

"Oh?"

"Being there for Applejack is the coolest thing I've ever done," Rainbow said. A magical smile crossed her lips. "...but it's not the only friendship I've got."

Thanks and Come Again

She sat on a continental shelf, overlooking galaxies and nebulae in colorful collision with one another. Above her, a floating diorama of castles traced a porcelain sky, spreading stars and celestial beams in its wake.

The scent of sunflowers and lavender wafted across the sphere, and yet she didn't smile. She simply sat in a slump, exhaling into the ether as she hugged herself.

Then, from out of nowhere, a warm breeze fluttered at her fluffy brown mane.

"Is this what you do during your time off?" A set of blue hooves set down beside her. "Heck, I'd have built a billion statues of myself by now... and all of them on fire."

Epcot turned to look up. Her purple eyes widened, glistening with instant joy. "Rainbow Dash!" She hopped up, landed, and caused spectral shockwaves to billow outward in every direction. "It's really you! I mean... heehee... of course it's really you! I've been built to know when it's a dream or a dreamer and... and... a-and—"

"Hey... heeeeeeey..." Rainbow Dash rested a hoof on the construct's shoulder. She smirked. "Settle down, girl! Not like I've been gone for too long..." She blinked, then leaned forward. "Has it?"

"I... erm... well..." Epcot fidgeted. She avoided Rainbow's gaze, rubbing her far shoulder. "I... sorta lost track of how slow time was..." She sniffled. "...until I ran into you."

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow Dash trotted forward, then plopped down on the edge of the cliff. "Eeughhh...... hmmm... well don't you fret. I'm sure you and I can find ways to pass the time. At least... every now and then."

"But, I don't understand!" Epcot blinked. "I thought you awoke! Please, don't tell me that the sons of Shindig have you ensnared yet again—"

"Pffft!" Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Nothing of the sort. I came back on my own, girl!"

"But... but how?" Epcot slowly shook her head. "You must understand, I am completely and utterly flummoxed! Nothing in the alicorn programming ever readied me for this."

"Didn't it?" Rainbow smiled. "A very special pony told me that—if we can dream it, then we can do it. Well... I've done my fair share of dreaming, and don't get me wrong... but..." She winked. "In the real world, I can do stuff... and I can do it well."

Epcot simply stared at her, muzzle agape. At last, she murmured, "Applejack... your beloved friend... is she... is she—?"

"Safe and sound. Best she's ever been." Rainbow smiled. "Thanks for asking."

Epcot exhaled heavily—as if a huge burden had left her fuzzy muscles. She leaned back, smiling... a long, warm smile. "Good." She nodded, cheeks round. "Good. That's very good."

"And... I'd like to talk about her... and about other things... but, more than that..." Rainbow hugged her knees, tilting her head to the side as she smiled at Epcot. "I'd like to hang out with my friend here... if that's okay with you."

Epcot stared back. With a slightly awkward shuffle, she plopped down beside Rainbow Dash. The two mares stared out at the swirling eddies of abandoned thought.

"Well... where do you want to begin?" Epcot asked.

"Oh... I could go on for hours. How about you first?"

"M-me?" Epcot stifled a giggle. "I-I'm just a construct. Chaperones are good about explaining things, but not sharing them."

"Oh, I dunno. You've been in this crazy dreamworld for an eternity and a day. I bet you have lots to share."

"No... nooooo I don't..."

"Heheheh... c'mon, girl! Not even a dirty secret about the oodles of alicorns who used to populate this brain dome?"

"Oh, I couldn't possibly break my confidentiality agreement about that."

"... ... ...you mean about an extinct race of immortal horses who can't be bothered to show their faces anymore?"

"Whelp... good point."

"So spill it, girl!"

"Well, if you insist."

"Hehe! I do!"

"Well, this one time—certifiably thousands of years ago by your estimate..."

"Go on..."

"This mare—a rather extravagant individual—wanted a carousel to be constructed. But not just any carousel, but one that breached a new layer of time and dimension upon each rotation."

"You don't say..."

"And this was all well and good, only she didn't want a simulated construct of distorted space-time, but an actual manipulation of the chronotonic stream within the perpetual fabric of the dreamscape. Which is a noble desire—of course—but it means that one would have to bend subreality to such a degree that a vacuum pocket would have to sustain itself within the set of subconscious rules that were at work here..."

"Were there any slimy harems involved this time?"

"Heehee! Funny that you should ask! Because she desired a hearty companion of various ages of development for each revolution of the Carousel! Heehee! Quite a conundrum! And on top of that..."

As I Lay Dashing

Rainbow Dash lay on her bed, a gentle smile plastered across her face.

On the table next to her, a black chalice with wing motifs sat, half-full of bubbling cider.

Lancie crawled up the bedsheets, then perched next to her skull. He waved a stone talon before her shut eyes, then leaned in to hear her steady breathing. He gazed at her, arms crossed, then gradually smirked.

With gentle motions, he pulled the bedsheets up over Rainbow's body, then tucked them in on either side of her. Hopping down to the floor, he stepped backwards, gazing at the sleeping mare.

"Hmmmfff... sweet dreams, Sparky," the statue said. "For what they're ever worth."

Then, with a breath, he swiveled towards the far corner of Rainbow's bedroom.

The closet lay open, and a bag spilled several stone shards onto the floor, each depicting a different arm, tail, horn, or leg.

Lancie stared at it long and hard. After much concentration, his beady eyes came to life, flickering red-on-yellow. Just as quickly, the phenomenon ended.

And yet, it did not bring him the sense of elation he had expected.

His stone ears folded back, and he hugged himself, staring off with a distracted expression.

Cold and silent.

Dream Time Is Over

Somewhere...

Outside Atlantrot...

He touched down onto the highway with a flurry of gray feathers. Digging his talons in the dirt, Romulus pivoted from the main city and turned—glaring—towards a rickety stagecoach parked along the side of the road.

A petite figure shuffled out, wearing a thick cloak.

Romulus trotted across the street, his tail whipping left and right at dragonflies and buzzing mosquitoes.

"Please..." He rasped through a sharp beak. "...tell me there's a reason why you dragged me all the way down to this sauna."

The figure lowered her hood, glaring across the way. "I thought Don Canter was going to send one of his right hoof ponies," Sunset Shimmer said.

"I am the right hoof of Don Canter by now," Romulus said. Schiiing! He brandished several intimidating talons right in front of her face. "And I share his impatience. So, get to the point."

Sunset turned and whistled towards the carriage. As two figures pulled out, she said, "I met a pair of stallions with something very interesting to share."

"I thought you were searching for the rainbow mare," Romulus slurred. "Top Dog's friends in the underground said she had passed through here."

"I was searching for her." Sunset smirked. "And these two were who I found." She turned towards the stallions. "Tell them. And make it quick."

A frazzled Flim and Flam shuffled up towards Romulus, bowing low.

"We heard that you were looking for Rainbow Dash..."

"And that you wanted to make an example of her..."

"Ruin her life...!"

"Crush her dreams...!"

Romulus sighed and waved a talon. "All very good things, and basic means to an end." His hawkeye glinted. "She has several things that our employer wants, and he desires us to get them back from her... at all costs."

"Then we can help you get to her!" Flam exclaimed. "You can get all you want... and more!"

"I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific than that," Romulus grumbled, glancing at Sunset. "We need substance."

"Do you, now?" Flam grinned wickedly. "We know where Rainbow Dash lives."

"And her friends," Flim added.

Romulus blinked. He glanced over at Sunset, then back at the stallions.

Flam spat, "How's that for substance?!"

Appledashery

What is true love?

Is it the kind of love that stays the same no matter what happens? Or is the kind of amorous affection that simply evolves over time, changing based on one's feelings, experiences, and needs?

Rainbow Dash loved Applejack. She still does. None of that can be denied. But was it always the same kind of love that it was when she first felt that righteous flutter in her heart? What was it that made it stronger... richer... more lively?

Life is a strange, silly thing. Even without Rainbow Dash around to show me, I'm certain I would have discovered it on my own. I'm glad, however, that I've always had her around to give an example...

An example of how frightening and exciting life can be, and how it can only temper one's love so that it evolves into something stronger... and dazzling.

And sometimes it's the softest things—as much as the most dramatic—that sets one's heart on a path for good.

Lazyville

Rainbow Dash glided over the golden-thatched rooftops of Ponyville. She glanced lazily to the left and the right. Her wings flapped twice as much in order to pull the load of a cart full of lumber directly behind her. Throughout the exercise, she reveled in the sweat running down her brow, evaporating into the cool winds of the breezy day.

Upon hearing giggling voices, she glanced to her lower left. Three fillies chased each other before rolling down a green hillside.

Rainbow's nostrils tickled to the smell of baked pastries. She tilted her head right, spotting the fuchsia roof and balconies of Sugarcube Corner. A solid stream of smoke billowed out from a single chimney, and the air was pungent with baked bread.

Ponies trotted leisurely across the street below her, minding their business, stopping every now and then to engage in casual conversation.

Rainbow was in a hurry, and yet she wasn't. With a calm breath, she flapped her wings harder and ascended just in time to clear a row of trees.

The blades of a windmill swung leisurely through the air.

A stallion scribbled his name onto the work order and hoofed the clipboard back to Rainbow Dash, smiling.

Rainbow took the board and slid it into a pocket of her yellow apron.

The stallion made a move towards the wagon.

Rainbow raised her hoof and shook her head. With a sweet smile, she unhitched from her riggings and trotted around to the rear of the wagon. Carefully, she unloaded the lumber, two planks at a time, balancing them over her bear flank. Her knees buckled slightly, but the latest dosage of medicine was doing the trick. She was quite capable of delivering the materials to the client's shed. The stallion exhaled with relief and kindly thanked the mare as she finalized the dropoff.

Between each load, Rainbow took her sweet time trotting back and forth from the windmill to the wagon. She glanced at the local brook—at the rippling water that collected into a tiny pond lined with cattails and high grass. Dragonflies flitted about while frogs loitered on lily pads. The air settled on her shoulders with a cool kiss, and then she was back to lifting lumber.

Rainbow Dash sat on the edge of a hill just as the sun was setting. Her wagon remained parked beside her, and the mare squatted backon her haunches, hugging her lower legs with her front hooves.

Her ears twitched in the breeze. A butterfly or two wandered by, adding a patch of pastel color to the bleeding sky. In the distance, the clock tower situated in Ponyville's park district tolled six times.

Rainbow gazed across the rooftops, her eyes tracing the streets where ponies gradually trotted home after a long day's work. Eventually, her gaze found its way towards the furthest horizon. There, she detected a hint of green fields, complete with the red stardust of glistening apples.

A shudder ran through the mare's body. She held one hoof out, flexing it. A slight tingling sensation graced her senses, but was gone again. She figured she had enough juice to go on for another day.

Sighing, the mare eventually stood up. She yanked her apron off, folded it half-heartedly, and tossed it into the back of the wagon. Stretching her fetlocks—with a crackle or two of weary joints—Rainbow then rigged herself to the cart, flapped her wings, and carried the item back to the warehouse where it belonged.

Frankly Speaking

"Please file my notes on teleportation field experiments in tomorrow's early morning 'to-do' file, Spike, not the mid afternoon 'to-do' file." Twilight Sparkle smiled, arranging several almanacs in alphabetical order across a bookshelf. "Then you can head to bed if you like."

"Just one ruby to snack on...?"

"Spiiiike..." Twilight rolled her eyes. "You already had two whole helpings of dinner?"

"Please? I only want a teensy nibble."

"Hehe. Okay, fine." She smirked towards the adjacent corridor to the library's central room. "But so long as it's not a large ruby. We don't want you tossing and turning all night cuz of your rumbling little dragon tummy."

"Woohoo!"

Twilight sighed, trotting across the room as she blew out one of several sets of candles. "Honestly, Princess Celestia, I sometimes think you gave me a vacuum with scales for an assistant."

Just then, there was a knock on the door.

Twilight shuffled to a stop, blinking. She looked at the door, then at the star-drenched windows. "Huh..." She arched an eyebrow. "Could... it be Trixie with her half of the research paper?" The unicorn trotted swiftly towards the front door. "If she's actually done a day early, I swear, I'll transmogrify a cow into tofu."

She opened the door swiftly, squinting at who was on the other side.

"Rainbow!" Twilight exclaimed. "What a pleasant surprise! Won't you come in?"

Rainbow Dash fidgeted, glancing at the floor. "You... uh... you sure I'm not intruding? I mean, I guess it's super late."

"Well, I wouldn't call it 'super' late." Twilight suppressed a giggle. "The sun only went down an hour ago. Come on in!"

"Okay, cool..." Rainbow shuffled inside on pensive hooves.

"Besides, my head's full of this intricate research on teleportation I'm working on," Twilight said. "I've agreed to help the Trottingham Science Commission with a few key experiments that they can't afford to do in the main city. It's a complicated joint venture, and over the next few days they'll be sending scientists with various tools over to Ponyville so we can extrapoulate data together." She grinned. "I couldn't fall asleep now if I tried!"

"Well... uh... kudos, I-I guess?" Rainbow said.

"I know, I know..." Twilight sighed. "It's hard to properly convey just why I'm enthusiastic about this sort of stuff to another pony, but it could possibly lead to several key developments in wizardry. Also, I have Trixie taking part, and she's doing her best to be useful in a scientific field for a change. I... suppose you're the one to thank for that. For bringing her around and all." Twilight smiled at her papers as she filed a few of them away on a desktop. "She might not admit it straightaway, but Trixie's getting ahead in life. She's got focus... a drive. No longer does she feel compelled to live out of a paltry wooden cart in the middle of nowhere. I mean... there's nothing wrong with a nomadic existence, but so long as it's given depth and purpose... eh..." The unicorn waved. "Anyways, I'm rambling. What brings you here, Rainbow?"

Silence.

Twilight blinked. She turned around with a curious expression. "Rainbow Dash?"

The mare sat in the corner, hugging herself with a contemplative expression across her muzzle.

Twilight's lips pursed. She trotted forward. "Is... is everything alright?"

Eventually, Rainbow looked up. "Can... can I ask you something, Twilight? Even if it sounds stupid?"

"Anything, Rainbow!" Twilight smiled gently. "And it won't be stupid."

Rainbow's eyes narrowed. "Would you say that... I've got it good here in Ponyville?"

"You've... got it good?"

"Like..." Rainbow's nostrils flared. She looked past her reflection in a nearby mirror. "I work a bunch of menial jobs just to get by. I get involved in freaky things, like the crud that went down in Fillyda. Everypony's all over my skin about making sure the clouds get cleared on time. And, to top it all off, I'm a friggin' Element of Harmony, just like you and the rest of the girls."

"Uh huh...?" Twilight listened intently, her head tilted to the side.

"And yet... y'know... despite all of that stuff..." Rainbow shrugged... then shrugged again. "I suddenly feel... feel..." She looked over, her ears folded back. "...chill."

Twilight blinked. "Chill?"

"Doesn't all of that sound boring to you?"

"All of what?"

"My friggin' life," Rainbow grunted. "I mean, you'd think what went down in Fillyda with Applejack and Stu Leaves would have been the highlight of my month, but now that I'm back here in Ponyville... where everything is dull and dry as a rock... I... k-kinda like it." Rainbow grimaced slightly upon the admission. "I kinda like the nothingness."

Twilight smiled. "Well, Rainbow, I suppose that's all a part of getting older."

"Ew, don't say that."

"Just hear me out for a second." Twilight gestured. "When I first met you—"

"I plowed you into a pile of mud."

Twilight winced. "...what I was trying to get at was that you were really, really adamant about getting into the Wonderbolts."

"Same difference."

"Nnngh..." Twilight rolled her eyes, but nevertheless continued. "What we get in life isn't always what we originally expect it to be. And by saying that, I'm in no way trying to say that you should give up on your dream to become a Wonderbolt. But, rather, you shouldn't be so shocked when you find yourself enjoying the other things you get in life... even if they might seem boring or plain or... uhhh... less awesome." Twilight smiled. "I grew up in Canterlot. So when I first came to Ponyville, I thought this was just a town full of overly enthusiastic country bumpkins. I wanted no part of it."

"Heh. I feel ya."

"But then I realized how magical life was here..." Twilight sighed, her cheeks turning rosy. "And just how fulfilling friendship is. It's changed my existence for the better. And... and I haven't given up on my scientific persuits. Not even in the least! I'm just... less devastated when I found out that my goals are a lot further ahead than I anticipated." Twilight shrugged. "Part of life is the living as much as the dreaming, I suppose."

"Mrmfff..." Rainbow glared into the candlelight. "I've done my fair share of dreaming."

"Don't give up, Rainbow." Twilight smiled. "You'll join the Wonderbolts yet. I just think you've come to appreciate that awesomeness has its many forms. Hehe... both exciting and calm."

"What if..." Rainbow bit her lip, fumbling. "...what if I-I'm not quite so jazzed about the Wonderbolts like I used to be?"

Twilight blinked. "...you're not?"

"What if I never join them and... and that's just fine?" Rainbow muttered.

"Am I... talking to the same Rainbow?" Twilight remarked, raising a dainty forelimb.

Rainbow looked over. "What if I have enough to go on right here, with who I am and what I've got?"

"I... I don't think I follow."

Rainbow bit her lip. "Something... happened to me down in Orlandoats, Twilight. D-don't worry! It was nothing bad. Not r-really. But... but I can't stop thinking that maybe... that maybe I put too much on my own plate." She gulped. "Both what's sweet as well as what's healthy. And maybe I've just... lived life hungry all this time when I really don't have to gobble much down at all."

"Rainbow, no offense, but you're not exactly poignant with your metaphors," Twilight said with a nervous chuckle. "Maybe you should just spit it out. What happened to you? What do you feel like giving up?"

"Did I say that?" Rainbow thought out loud, grimacing. "Do... I really want to give her up?"

"Uhhhhhh..." Twilight leaned her head to the side. "Who?"

Rainbow coughed. "It. I meant to say 'it.'"

Silence.

"Meh..." Rainbow sighed, shaking her head. "I'm just rambling, Twi. I'm sorry." She made for the door. "I really didn't need to get you involved. Especially not this late."

"Must you go?" Twilight stood between her and the door. "Really?" She bore a compassionate smile. "You can be a stranger to us, but don't be one to yourself, Rainbow."

"Ehh...?" Rainbow gave her a squinting look.

Twilight chuckled. "Well, we're not exactly attached at the hip, Rainbow. Whenever you fly off at random—which you've been doing a lot of these past few months—it's up to the rest of us to guess where and for what reason. And it's not that we don't trust that you're doing very important things. It's just that... well..." Twilight sniffled slightly, and she fought to keep her eyes dry. "We really miss you, Rainbow. That's all. Plain and simple."

Rainbow gazed at her, deadpan. "I really miss me too," she muttered. "And now I'm starting to think..." She slowly trotted out the front door, leaving a confused Twilight behind. "...that maybe I've been flying too far ahead of myself all this time."

I Feel Ya, Girl

"The truth is simple, I tell ya!" Lyra's voice cracked over the bar table. "The music industry is tanking!"

Vinyl Scratch chuckled, shaking her head as she scribbled across a music sheet. "The music industry is not tanking."

"It sure as Tartarus is!" Lyra frowned, levitating a half-empty glass of cider. "How is a self-respecting musician supposed to make money in a world where any random pony can break into entertaining song at the drop of a hat!"

"I'd pay to see that," Caramel said with a bashful smile.

"But you don't have to, girl!" Lyra exclaimed. "Which is the whole point! Just a take a walk down Ponyville's Main Street! Boom! You're gonna get serenaded eventually!"

"Could you give us an example, Lyra?" Bon Bon asked. "Because I have no unearthly clue what you're talking about."

"Don't you? Really?" Lyra squinted in the red light from the bar sign through the window. "Just wait around Sugarcube Corner. It'll happen eventually."

"Yes, well..." Bon Bon giggled. "That's Pinkie Pie, though."

"She's an earth pony!" Lyra growled. "She has no business being extra friggin' magical!"

Caramel giggled, nearly dropping the cider glass from his grip.

Vinyl rolled her eyes beneath her shades and glanced Rainbow Dash's way. "Rainbow, you know Pinkie the best out of all of us. Is Lyra full of it or what?"

Rainbow sat, cradling a mostly-empty glass of water. She stared dead ahead of her with a vacant expression.

Vinyl arched an eyebrow. "Well, if that wasn't a convincing argument, I don't know what was."

"You okay, Rainbow Dash?" Bon Bon asked, looking concerned. "You seem... distant."

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash eventually looked up. "Hmmm?" She blinked. "Hmmmfff... oh, I'm good. Don't mind me."

"You... uhm..." Caramel squinted at the mare's glass. "You're not interested in cider tonight?"

Rainbow winced for the first time in hours. "Thanks, but no thanks. I'm just here to... uhhh... t-to enjoy your girls' company."

Silence.

"Riiiiight..." Lyra nodded. "You know, Rainbow, a lot of ponies drink to depression. You're the first mare I've seen undrink to depression."

"Look, I'm just not in the mood for cider right now," Rainbow Dash said. "Not for a while, at least."

"Is everything okay, Rainbow?" Caramel asked. "You... you were gone for over a week." He gulped. "I... uh... I heard some rumors about what went down in Fillyda."

"Whoah, wait..." Vinyl looked over. "You were near to Mareami and you didn't tell me?"

"No, nothing like that," Rainbow said in a dull tone. "Look, is it so weird that maybe I wanna hang out and chillax without drinking?"

More silence.

"Wanna sing about it?" Lyra said, smirking. Bon Bon and Vinyl hissed at her.

Rainbow let out a long sigh. She dropped a few coins on the table and stood up.

"Really?" Lyra blinked. "That's water you're paying for."

"Add it to you guys' tab," Rainbow muttered. "This... this was a bad idea. Sorry, everypony. I'll... uh..." She sauntered off. "I'll be awesomer next time. I promise."

"But... but just having you around is awesome enough..." Caramel gazed after her. "...Rainbow." As soon as the pegasus had cleared the bar's front door, he winced, slicking his mane back and looking demurely at the others.

Lyra folded her forelimbs. "Hrmmmf." She smirked. "She's gonna sing to the moonlight. I just know it." Bon Bon smacked her upside the head. "Owch!"

Sighs of the Dreamy Kind

Rainbow Dash squatted on a cloud, lying chest-first against the vaporous fluff. Her nostrils flared and her ear-tips twitched in the moonlight.

Down below, a sleepy sheen of moonlight glinted across row after row of apple orchards. In the center of the agricultural expanse, a single building loomed. From high above, Rainbow Dash could spot a single light on. Something moved past a window, then moved again. Shortly after, the light went out.

Rainbow exhaled once more. Wrenching her eyes off Sweet Apple Acres, she turned around and stared up at the stars. Hugging herself, the mare remained that way, quiet, contemplative, and anything-but-sleepy.

"It's... it's not that I'm sad, really."

"Oh?" Epcot glanced down through the nebulous dreamscape. The chaperone flew across the surface of an upside down floating castle, patching together broken bits of scattered subconscious thought constructs. "Because everything you've described to me fits the perfect description of 'lethargic,' 'fatigued,' and 'depressed.'"

"Mrmmfff..." Rainbow hovered lazily over a shimmering gold landscape. "All of which are foreign concepts to you, I bet."

"Heeeheeeheee... I-I can't help it!"

"Well, neither can I."

Epcot slapped another broken wall in place, restoring the simulated architecture. "But... it's not sadness."

"I feel too... too warm and toasty inside to call it sad," Rainbow Dash murmured. "And yet... there's nothing to boast about. Even if there's everything to boast about." She winced at her own words, then glanced over her shoulder. "Does that make any sense?"

"None whatsoever." Epcot smiled her way while ripping a hole in dream-space. "Please, tell me more."

"Like... years ago... heck... months ago I'd be bragging my head off about stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" Epcot pulled out a blurred sphere of psionic energy, then fashioned it into a flag that she planted on the corner of the alicorn keep. "You mean saving-the-Cider-Princess stuff?"

"Well... sure, I guess. I mean... she is alive and well now because of me. Well, because of Stu as well, I suppose."

"Yes, but Stu didn't kiss her," Epcot said with a wink.

"Heheheheh..." Rainbow Dash hugged herself. "Dang right he didn't."

"So why aren't you boasting about it."

"Meh. You know why."

"Actually, Rainbow Dash, I don't." Epcot looked over. "I don't know a lot of things."

Rainbow winced. "Sorry. I... I-I guess I sorta got you confused with Lancie for a second."

"Should I pretend to understand what that means?"

"I'd rather you pretend to understand what I'm about to tell you." Rainbow Dash coughed, twirled around, and faced the floating chaperone directly. "I'm happy that Applejack is safe. I feel proud to be the reason she's still alive and kicking. And yet... I-I kinda don't want her to know about it."

"Even if she might express her gratitude in a fashion that would gratify your most ardent desires?"

"I... didn't quite understand that last statement," Rainbow Dash said. "But if you're saying what I think you're saying, then I really doubt that would happen."

Epcot shrugged. "There's only one way to find out."

"But maybe I don't want to find out," Rainbow said. "Maybe I already know."

"Oh?"

"Maybe..." Rainbow Dash bit her lip. "...maybe I already know that things are as good as they're going to get. And... and that loving somepony... that cherishing her doesn't mean her loving you back. At least... not in the same way that you love her. I... uh..." Rainbow hugged herself. "I think it's always been this way. I've just been deluding myself all this time that there could be more to it. But why should there be more to it? Maybe nothing will ever compare to this..."

Epcot looked at Rainbow sideways.

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "I bet I know what you're thinking. 'Wow, that mortal can ramble on and on about the same thing,' huh?"

"Actually, I was wondering something else."

"Yeah?"

Epcot nodded. "I think something happened to you back in Philanthropy that's the real reason for all of this introspection."

Rainbow grimaced, avoiding Epcot's gaze.

Nevertheless, Epcot floated closer, her purple eyes firm. "Or was it just a fluke that you, Rainbow Dash, a mortal unaccustomed to Cider Space, found the ability to mold the dream and defeat the Sons of Shindig single-hoofedly?"

"... ... ..."

Epcot smiled, waiting patiently.

At last, Rainbow murmured, "I met my dad, Epcot."

"Your father?"

Rainbow sniffled, hugging herself. "Y-yeah." Her voice cracked, "At least... it felt like him. His voice. His warmth. The..." She squeaked, her eyes moistening. "...the unbelievable love that just came out of him like sunshine. It's... it's been so long since I felt something so... so awesome." She sniffled again, rubbing her muzzle dry.

Epcot gazed at her curiously.

"Only... I-I think I've been feeling it a little bit... a little teensy bit..." Rainbow gulped and looked at Epcot with a vulnerable expression. "Each and every day. Whenever... whenever I..."

Epcot nodded. "Whenever you're around Applejack."

Rainbow nodded back, her eyes glistening.

Epcot twirled around the edge of the castle, setting the stones straight and smoothing the edges of the dreamscape. "I've not had the chance to meet mortals often. You, Stu, and the others were a wonderful blessing. Alicorns were always intriguing in their own right, of course, but mortals are simply poetic in their existence. There's something innately bitter sweet and cyclical about them. You're no exception."

"You think?"

"I know." Epcot glanced over with a smile. "From everything you say and breathe... it's evident that your father was a huge source of love in your life. When you were a foal, undoubtedly you basked in his adoration and selfless devotion."

Rainbow could only hug herself, stifling the urge to whimper.

"But now..." Epcot smiled. "The pendulum has swung. And it would seem that you want... you need to be the pony who loves."

Rainbow Dash clenched her teeth, gazing out at the nebulous, rippling dreamscape. "That doesn't sound easy."

"Doesn't it?" Epcot cocked her head to the side. "What exactly have you been doing all these months? Since before we even met?"

Rainbow Dash was silent.

"You are a beautiful pony, Rainbow Dash," Epcot said. "Boundless in her emotions, yet eloquent in how she decides to share them. Like a professional, you hold back so much. But just like the righteous alicorns of old, that can lead to a great deal of heart ache if you're not careful."

"Then... then what should I do?" Rainbow Dash asked. "So I won't go off the deep end?"

"I think you're finding that out for yourself as we speak," Epcot said. "Thus, the sudden and inexplicably mellow juncture in your existence." She winked. "You're learning just how you can love... and build a life around loving."

Rainbow shuddered. "Even if that loving isn't what I'd always intended."

"Indeed." Epcot nodded. "Although, perhaps it's for the better. It certainly can't be for the worse."

Rainbow breathed more calmly, contemplating that.

"There's something else on your mind, isn't there?" Epcot asked.

Rainbow looked at her. "...was it really my dad that I met when Flim and Flam tossed me through their gate?"

Epcot touched down on the lopsided castle's wall. She stared off for half-a-minute before eventually muttering: "I cannot pretend to know. As a construct, I am most familiar with the rules and fabric of the dreamverse. Even though fissures in the subconscious can hypothetically lead towards realms beyond, it's simply not within my ability to perceive souls in the next level."

"Right."

"I cannot pretend to say whether or not that was truly your father whom you communed with, Rainbow Dash."

The mare hung her head. "R-right..."

Epcot reached over and tilted the pegasus' head up. She smiled into those ruby eyes. "But I do know that something... or else the intense, amorous memory of something restored you... and gave you strength. And I do believe that can work in the real world as much as it can here."

Rainbow blinked. "In... wh-what way?"

Epcot stifled a giggle. "You've already shown you have the power to save the Cider Princess." She fluttered her eyelashes playfully before kicking off towards another pocket of the dreamscape. "Perhaps, then, it is not too late to save yourself." She glanced back, purple eyes shimmering. "Would your real father desire any less...?"

The Best Kind of Awesome

I tweaked and rotated the wheel of my scooter until it spun true again. With a breath of relief, I planted the thing back on the ground and pushed it back and forth in my forelimbs. Sure enough, the vehicle was gliding straight again. I don't think the waking world was ready for the intense moan of frustration I was going to let out at having to squat down and repair the darn thing again.

It still didn't change the fact that it was a lazy, lazy Saturday. With bored breaths, I glared across the windswept fields outside Ponyville. Every jump and ramp—I had practically memorized by then. I was starting to wonder if the village and everything surrounding it was starting to run out of pizazz. I pondered going to knock on Sweetie Belle's door, or stumbling upon the front gate to Sweet Apple Acres to see what Apple Bloom was up to.

Instead, I just stood there, leaning against my scooter, feeling the warmth of the morning sun roll slowly over me. I had a lot of sighs to give, and ultimately found myself staring at the dirt and gravel underhoof.

It was then that her shadow darted by, and my ears tickled to her cracking voice. "Why so glum, kiddo?" she chirped. "Any filly within spitting distance of a killer set of wheels shouldn't be frowning, y'know!"

I about ripped my muzzle muscles apart with the force of my instant smile. "Rainbow Dash!" I twirled to look up at her. She orbited me and the hill I was on in a low, lazy glide. "I... I didn't see you!"

"Most ponies don't." She winked. "It's not their business to." She twirled, landed in a grind, and came to a stop just inches from me and my scooter. "What's up, kid?"

"You're up! Or... at least you were." I couldn't help but giggle. I could never help it. "Where've you been, Rainbow Dash?" I hadn't expected to blurt that question out, and it made me wince slightly. "I mean... y-you haven't been around lately, and... uh... I was starting to get worried."

"Didn't I give you heads up?" She arched an eyebrow, smirking. "I was heading south with Applejack and her friend to do some cider business!"

I gulped. "Oh yeah. Right." I gazed down at the grass. "Stupid me."

"Hey." She tilted my chin up with a blue hoof. "None of that, now. Have you been exercising your wing muscles?"

"Err... yeah. Why?"

Her teeth glinted in the sun, and I could almost see my reflection in her smile. "Cuz I can think of a certain filly who deserves more flight training!"

My hear leapt through my chest. "Really?!"

"Yup!"

"You're not super tired from your long trip or nothin'?"

"Hehe! Nope!" She rested a hoof on my shoulder. "And boy do I have a doozy of a story to tell you, too!"

"What, did you run into danger down south?"

"And how." Rainbow chuckled. "Evil psychopaths. Dreamy explosions. A whole fantasy world." She brightened. "I even met best pony!"

"Heeheehee! But Rainbow Dash! You're best pony!"

"Ehhhh..." She waved a hoof, smirking. "I like to keep it a trade secret."

"Pffft! No you don't!"

"Guilty as charged."

"Hehehehe!" I fumbled forward. That was a good enough excuse. I found myself hugging Rainbow close, nuzzling her fuzzy chest. "I'm so glad you're back, Rainbow."

"It's great to be back, kiddo," she said, squeezing my shoulder. "Super great."

"Mmmhmmm..." A happy breath escaped my nostrils, followed by another. I leaned back to return to my scooter, but I didn't go anywhere. It took me a few blinks to realize that Rainbow Dash was still hugging me. In fact, I would have ventured to guess that she was hugging me harder than I had ever hugged her. "Uhhhh... Rainbow Dash? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, kid," she said, more like breathed. I felt the slow, delicate flutter of heartbeat through her warm chest. She stared past me, and my peripheral vision caught the hint of a placid smile. It was if Rainbow had fallen from a great height and had landed at the last second. I was a little bit worried at first, until I heard the steady vibrations in her voice: "Everything's super okay. About as okay as they've ever been."

"Erm... good?" I smiled awkwardly.

"Nope. Not good." She leaned back and stared at me, fluffing my mane. "Awesome." She flexed her wings. "Now... let's earn you those feathers, right?"

I giggled and took her hoof. "Roger."

She gripped my fetlock and the two of us soared skyward into the morning air.

Chataloo

"Don't overdo it, sport!" Rainbow Dash's voice echoed between the pounding heartbeat in my ears. "Taking off might be the hardest part, but you don't have to fling your friggin' feathers off. Just ease into it more."

"Grffff..." I sweated and strained, buzzing my wings into an orange blur. I managed to lift myself a full foot off the ground, but I lingered there. "'Ease into it,' she says...!"

"Those rapid wing-flaps work for when you're on the scooter, but you're not fighting ground friction, now, are you?"

"Erm... no?"

"Heh..." Rainbow smirked out the corner of my eye, lounging on a tree stump beside me along the edge of town. "Try pivoting the wings forward a bit as you flap them."

"But won't th-that move me forward?" I wheezeed and stammered. "And—like—into the gr-ground?"

"Not if you lean your body back."

"Oh." I blinked, pausing to rest on my hooves. "But... then won't my wings be leaning back two?"

"That's just the thing, sport." Rainbow pointed. "You wanna keep your wings even. The rest of your body? That's for moving your weight around."

"Huh... I never thought of that..."

"Granted, that's just beginner's flight tips," Rainbow said, stifling a yawn. "Like Fluttershy says, 'baby steps.'"

"Heheheh..."

"What's so funny, kid?"

"Just I never thought you'd ever be taking advice from Fluttershy," I say with an amused grin.

"Hey. She's a lot tougher than you think." Rainbow winked. "You know all about her stare, after all, don't you?"

"Boy, do I," I said with a nervous laugh. "She could freeze a giant basilisk with that glare!"

Rainbow Dash inexplicably squirmed.

I glanced curiously at her. "Rainbow...?"

"Er... it's nothing." She waved her hoof. "Go ahead with the flapping."

"Right." Holding my breath, I beat my wings—slower this time—making sure to pivot my body while keeping the flapping feathers even. "So... uh... you were with the Wonderbolts for a short time?"

"Kid, I was a Wonderbolt," Rainbow said. "But—like—I was aware of it. And I knew how bogus it was. I mean... heheh... if I truly made it to the Wonderbolts, ponies would be cheering for me a whole lot louder. So I knew deep down inside that the dream was totally fake."

"But... didn't you say they had a museum dedicated to you n'stuff?"

"Eh... a pretty lame museum." Rainbow Dash smirked. "I'd rather be larger than life in the flesh. They can build monuments to me long after I'm dead."

"Heh..." I smirked, straining slightly as I raised off the ground, one inch at a time. "That's crazy."

"Which part?"

"I just can't imagine death being an end for you."

"Right. I'd just get bored of my life and disguise myself as another pony for a decade."

"Hehehehe!"

"Don't believe me, squirt?" Rainbow stretched her limbs, smiling. "I'll have you know, I've only been 'Rainbow Dash' for a few years!"

"Pfffft..." I rolled my eyes. "Oh Rainbow..."

"No! For realsies! In my past life, I was a badflank griffon named Faust with a penchant for sharpening her talons on mountaintops!"

"You could have been a griffon in the dreamworld if you wanted it so badly," I said, sticking a tongue out.

"Eh... I was too busy saving my friends."

"Yeah! And it's so awesome what you did too!" I beamed, my insides still tingling with excitement from the epic tale. "Becoming the Blue Jay?! Tearing the system of Fat Elephant down?! That was so cool!"

"It's Philanthropy, kiddo. And—yeah—it was pretty cool." Rainbow slicked her mane back. "Some parts more than others."

"There's just one part I don't understand."

"Yeah? What's that?"

"Well, you saved everypony who was stuck in the dreamworld. Everypony but Applejack—I mean right at the end."

"Uh huh...?"

I rested my wings, whiping the sweat off my brow before glancing at her. "So, like, how did she get out safely? You said the dreamworld shattered and you got sucked out. Even Epcot couldn't hold you in place."

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash glanced off into the heart of Ponyville.

"Did... like... Applejack buck her way out or something?" I asked. "I mean, she thought she was a princess n'stuff, right? Seems like a miracle she got out at all."

Rainbow Dash's lips parted. She froze in place for a few seconds, then eventually looked my way. "... ... ...care to keep a secret, kid?"

My heart skipped a beat.

"For you, anything, Rainbow Dash!" I smiled.

"Even from the two scamps you hang out with?" Rainbow's eyes narrowed. "Including Applejack's little sister?"

I made a zipping motion with my muzzle. "Mum's the word, as far as Apple Bloom's concerned! Sweetie Belle too! Or anypony!"

Rainbow nodded, then nodded again. She swiveled about until she sat upright on the log. She took a few breaths before calmly saying: "Applejack got out of Cider Space because of a kiss."

"Echhhh..." I grimaced holding my lunch in. "For real? A kiss?"

"Heh. Yup."

"Like... a true love kiss or something?"

"A kiss from her knight in shining armor," Rainbow said, her voice calm and her cheeks rosy. "It's what broke the dream's spell on her."

"Wow... I-I had no idea that Applejack was into that kind of stuff?"

"Heh... me neither, kiddo." Rainbow nodded, looking at me with thin eyes. "So maybe you can understand why... somepony would want to keep that secret."

"Heh... sure." I smiled. "I sometimes think of silly, dreamy, fru-fru stuff."

"Really?" Rainbow arched an eyebrow. "You?"

"Uhm..." I bit my lip, glancing aside. "Maybe."

"... like who, Scoots?"

"Mmmmmm..." I tapped my front hooves together. The sweat on my coat is palpable. "Mrrrmm... R-Rumble."

"Pffft! Thunderlane's brother?!"

"Yeah, so?" I stomped a forelimb, frowning. "I totally outrun him each day at recess!"

"Hah hah hah hah hah hah!" Rainbow Dash hugged herself, legs kicking as she nearly fell off the stump. "Haaaa ha ha ha!"

"Hey! Sh-Shuddup!" I folded my forelimbs, feeling a distinct burning sensation across my face. "It's not that stupid..." I gulped. "Is it?"

"Oh... not at all... heheheh... just..." Rainbow rubbed her eyes dry, smiling. "That's about the best dang qualifier I ever heard."

"Really?"

"Enjoy life while it's simple, Scoots." Rainbow Dash stood up, ruffling my mane. "And, if you want my real opinion, you've got good taste." She snickered again. "Heck of a better taste than Blossomforth, at least."

"Huh?"

"Eh... never mind, sport." Rainbow paced past me, stretching her legs. "Just make sure—the day Rumble can catch up to you—that you know how to suplex him."

"Uhhh... sure! I can do that!"

"I bet you can. And you will."

"So... uh... about Applejack." I gave my attempt at a coy smile. "She's got a Knight in Shining Armor? Any stallion we know?"

Rainbow's ears folded back. She gazed past me with a dull sigh.

I blinked. "Rainbow...?"

"Yes and no, kid." She turned to look at me, smiling calmly. "Yes and no."

I scrunched my face. "That's a weird answer."

"Darn straight." She squatted low and pointed to her backside. "Wanna practice more aerodynamics!"

"Sure!" I hopped on and got a good grip. "Say... any chance I might... I dunno... be able to enter this Cider Space place on my own some day? Sounds wicked cool!"

"Eh, I doubt your parents would approve, kid," Rainbow Dash said. "I can't imagine they approve enough already."

"Approve enough of what?" I asked, blinking. Upon the second eye-flutter, we lifted skyward like a rocket, and I flailed from my grip to her shoulders. "Whoahhhhh—ha ha ha ha!" I pumped a hoof in the air. "Yeahhhh!"

Rainbow grinned devilishly, gliding us towards the cloud levels. "Heh... who needs dreamin'? Am I right?"

Top of the World

"So, you remember what I told you, huh?" Rainbow Dash touched down on my front lawn. Her wings settled on either side of me. "Ease into the liftoff. Don't strain your muscles, Keep the wings even, but move your body around—throw your weight into where you wanna go."

"Uhhhh... y-yeah..." I climbed down and trotted evenly onto the springy grass. "I mean... it's a lot to take in... and it'll take some practice..."

"Heh... you got that right," she said, smiling in the afternoon glow. "Not everypony can learn that sort of stuff overnight."

"Cuz everypony isn't you." I winked hard. "Right?"

"A+! That's your grade for the day, squirt!"

"Heheh! Alright!"

"Well, I got stuff I gotta get to," Rainbow said. "But this was super cool."

"Yeah! Totally!" I grinned. "But, like, I've got some chores to do today. But I'll practice between now and the time we do lessons again! I promise!"

"You'll learn faster than in any Flight Camp!" Rainbow pointed. "And that's a promise!"

"Heheh... okay!"

"Later, kiddo." She turned around with a flick of the tail and spread her wings again. "There are buckable clouds out there with my name on it."

"Hey... uh... Rainbow Dash!"

"Hmm?" She looked over her shoulder. "What's up, Scoots? Besides me in ten seconds."

I opened my mouth—but nothing came out. At least at first. Two breaths later, I found myself quietly murmuring: "A knight in shining armor doesn't always have to be a dude, huh?"

She looked at me. For a while, I didn't know whether she would smile or frown. To my joy, she took the happier of the two routes. "No, kid. You're right. Not always."

I gulped, then smiled. "I'm... uh... I'm really glad that Applejack is okay."

She nodded. "So am I, Scoots." The wind kicked at her hair, and yet the warmth in her face remained. "Top of the world."

FWOOOOSH!

And then she was gone.

I stared up into the wild blue yonder, unable to make her out from the rest of the bright world anymore. I realized soon enough that I didn't have to. Rainbow Dash would always be around. Always.

With a curious spring to my step, I galloped into the household and enjoyed the rest of my Saturday.

Potion Hut Delivers

Fwooosh!

Rainbow's four hooves landed in an open clearing of the Everfree Forest.

As her mane settled, so did the saddlebag full of empty cartons rattle to a stop along her sides. The mare stared straight ahead at Zecora's trademark wooden hut.

"Well then..." Rainbow murmured to herself, tail flicking. "...here's hoping you're still in generous spirits, girl."

The pegasus took one step forward.

POWWWW! An explosion rocked the heart of the forest. Rainbow let loose a voice-cracking cry as she fell back on her flank. She winced, looking up in time to see a plume of flame erupting out of every window of the hut.

"Zecora!" she bellowed. Ignoring the numb tingling in her limbs, she flapped her wings and bulleted forward. She struck the front door with her broadside, knocking it down instantly. The mare's hooves scuffled to a stop against the floorboards, and she stood in the center of a smoking hut interior, coughing and wheezing. "Zecora! Zecora, say something! Anything! I gotta get you..." She squinted. "...out of here?"

"It's alright. It's alright, Rainbow Dash!" The zebra in question was fanning the fumes away with the wave of a thick rug flapping in her grasp. "Please forgive all the soot and ash." She pushed two separate window frames open, airing out the smoke and haze. "It was not our attempt to startle you. We simply mixed the incorrect brew."

"Friggin' warn somepony that you're gonna be playing with crazy chemicals, then!" Rainbow frowned. "I about had a heart attack, girl! If anything happened to you—" She stoppded dead in her words, blinking. "... ... ... what do you mean 'we?'"

"Guhhh..." A familiar voice rasped. A stallion in a burnt cloak came shuffling out of the nearby closet. Noir tossed a bucket of sand on a flaming pot in the middle of the hut, putting out the fire. "Well... now we know how lunar dust reacts to Arachnium. I really think we should have utilized the blood essence of snakes instead."

Zecora laughed heartily. "Ah, but what a serpent bleeds is not what this mixture needs! We need a far more potent mix to reduce the enemy's swords to sticks!"

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow Dash blinked. "Enemy? What enemy?"

The cloaked sarosian glanced Rainbow's way, his slitted eyes glimmering from underneath the protective hood. "In my travels, as of late, I've caught wind of Aatxe's minions."

Rainbow gritted her teeth as a bitter chill ran through her. "Ah jeez... do you mean—?"

"The dragon patriarch himself," Noir said with a nod. "The one you've heard called 'Big Boss.'"

"Noir has learned enough information to become aware of Aatxe's chaotic confiscations," Zecora said. "It would seem our mutual enemy has been gathering shards liberally."

"And it's my estimation that he has almost as many pieces of the total package as you do, Rainbow Dash," Noir said. "In fact, Aatxe may very well be in possession of an entire fifty percent of the missing parts."

"But... I don't see how that could be," Rainbow said. "I thought most of that crud had been lost through the black market."

"Indeed." Noir nodded. He lowered his hood just enough so that his muzzle and the tips of his leafy ears could brave the torturous sunlight. "But Aatxe's winged minions are many. It's quite likely that he's scoured the furthest edges of Equestria in order to strengthen his horde. No pony is safe."

"Then... that means..." Rainbow was already biting her lip.

"If it weren't for your intercession, there'd be a smoking crater where a certain fashionista's penthouse resides in Manehattan," the sarosian said. "And Dredgemane—for all we know—could otherwise have been reduced to rubble."

Rainbow gulped. "He's that strong, huh?"

"And obsessive. He'll stop at nothing to get as much power as he can, even if he must gather chaos shards to do it." Noir sighed. "I fear that my associates and I have underestimated Aatxe's reach. I... was so terribly preoccupied with Don Canter and his nefarious associates."

"Well, duh." Rainbow smiled weakly. "I mean, the guy and his griffon bully did try to blow you up."

"And, alas, we'll soon have a concoction of our own." Zecora smirked, sweeping dark ash and sediment across the floor. "Just in case the dragon decides to investigate our home."

The coat hairs on the back of Rainbow's neck stood up. "You r-really think the dude can do that?" She grimaced. "Or will do that?"

"That depends. He only sends his minions to strike when he knows for a fact that there's chaos to be found there," Noir said. He brushed his hooves off and trotted towards her. "Which brings us to the issue at hoof. You found another shard down in Orlandoats, correct?"

"Yes." Rainbow gulped. "Yes I did."

"You've proven to be both loyal and competent, Rainbow Dash," Noir said. "Which is why I've not protested your insistence on hiding the shards on your lonesome. But, considering the magnitude of the threat now, I presume you would like to change your mind about that."

"But... we... uh..." Rainbow cleared her throat. "We have an edge over the enemy, right? I mean..." She gestured with her hoof. "The bad guys could get some really nasty juju on their side if they possess all of the shards. Right?"

"That's one way of putting it," Noir said.

"Then so long as they don't know the other half is here... then what's to be freaked out about?" Rainbow smirked. "Aatxe never completes his hoarde, and Don Canter and his goons don't become gods among horses! It's win win... win?"

Noir's nostrils flared. "Sometimes I wonder why I bother..."

"Hey, I've got this!" Rainbow said with a smile. "I overcame all odds in a dream-within-dream made by the ancient alicorns, eh?" She turned towards the zebra, smiling. "Zecora, you remember me telling you about that, right?"

"Indeed, and your courage is beyond compare." Zecora nevertheless sighed. "But this situation goes beyond a simple dare."

"I know the risks at stake."

"Do you, my winged friend?" Zecora's face grew long as she leaned against her broom. "I do not desire you to face such an unfortunate end."

"If Aatxe sends a single one of his draconian teamsters here to shake up Ponyville, then I'll move the shards to someplace triply hidden, I promise," Rainbow said, crossing her heart and placing the hoof against her eye. "After I'm done kicking that dragon's teeth in. Until that moment arrives, I say we keep going with the usual plan. I mean... there's gotta be some shards left out there that the Big Boss hasn't touched!"

Noir and Zecora exchanged glances. With a lethargic expression, Noir looked Rainbow's way. "I'll keep researching with my agents in the field. In the meantime, I think it would be best if Zecora and I continued our alchemy so that we might establish a proper defense."

"We're quite close, as our results will show." Zecora shrugged, smiling. "We might even concoct an explosive for you, Rainbow."

"H-Hey! Now that's more like it!" Rainbow grinned wide. "And... uhm... while you're at it..." She blushed slightly, pivoting to show off the empty cartons. "Maybe a potion of a different kind will help me too..."

Zecora chuckled. "But of course." She gestured towards a stool as she went about to gather the ingredients. "Sit down, and soon I'll have you strong as a horse."

"Great..." Rainbow shuffled over and had a squat. "Cuz, lately, I've been feeling like a horsefly..."

Just a Spoonful of Zebra

"Y'know, Zecora..." Rainbow Dash rocked back and forth on the stool with all the strength her numbing muscles could allow her. "I couldn't help but notice that you and Noir seem to be hanging out a lot lately."

"Hmmm..." Zecora smiled, stirring a broth on the other side of the hut. The sarosian in question was absent, which is what allowed the liberal conversation to begin with. "Well, Rainbow, naturally we've been an exceptional pair. We must work together so long as there's danger in the air." She looked over her striped shoulder. "Don Canter and his minions nearly roasted Noir in a fire, and now we have to deal with Aatxe and his dragon ire."

"Yeah, but you just healed Noir that one time," Rainbow said. "And he's got—like—tons of shadowy bat pony friends all throughout Equestria. He could totally hang out with them... in their humble, rustic cottages in the middle of a forest."

Zecora chuckled merrily.

Rainbow smirked. "But he keeps coming back and asking for your help."

"Well, it's quite simple, Rainbow my friend. Upon my shamanistic talents he must depend."

"I know you're good at what you do, girl. But it's gotta be more than that." Rainbow waggled her eyebrows. "The dude could get explosive materials from anywhere in the kingdom, and most of those sources waaaaaaaay less sparkly clean than you and your supplies."

"I do believe his affinity towards me is not exclusive," Zecora remarked. "Your impact on his life has been exceptionl, if not intrusive."

Rainbow held a hoof over her chest. "You're saying he sticks around your place just because of me?"

"You're an inspiring pony, Rainbow. All of your allies, Noir must be happy to know."

"Stop spinning the spotlight around, girl," Rainbow said. "A stallion's a stallion. Don't tell me part of you hasn't wondered."

"I keep my mind on my tasks and he does so likewise. Somewhere, a solution to fending off Aatxe patiently lies."

"Uh huh... whatever you say..." Rainbow leaned forward with a grin. "Ever seen a bat pony blush?"

Zecora laughed so hard, she nearly spat into the soup. She spun from the bubbling concoction with a twisted smirk. "Rainbow, honestly! Do you or do you not want me to treat your atrophy?!"

"I'm just saying, girl..." Rainbow chuckled, leaning back. "It wouldn't hurt to have a coltfriend who stays up all night!"

"You entertain a thought that is most unreal," Zecora said. She returned to the broth, stirring liberally. "Besides, there is only one soul for whom I pine with great zeal."

Rainbow slowly nodded. "Pine... with lots and lots of sap, I bet."

Zecora sighed quietly through her nostrils.

After swallowing a lump down her throat, Rainbow said, "Zecora... we're friends. So please understand that I don't mean this in a bad way. But... but all that happiness you feel whenever you look at Big Mac... or think of him... or even dream of him... well..." She bit her lip. "... ... ... haven't you ever stopped to realize that—just perhaps—it's all you?"

Zecora continued stirring in silence.

"I mean... it's not like the two of you have ever stopped to talk to one another. Heck—you barely ever make eye contact! And... I guess, as stallions go, he'd be a super great beau and stuff. But... uh..." Rainbow smoothed her bangs back, her eyes trailing the edges of the hut. "...you're just so awesome, Zecora. You're cool... you're exotic... you're friggin' smart as Tartarus! Heh... all of that wealth of... wealth has gotta pool up some wicked cool energies. And maybe that's just what fills you up so much with joy, y'know? What if..." Rainbow chewed on the edge of her mouth. The next few words came in a breathy murmur. "...what if the pony you've always loved has simply been that? The pony you've always loved? And that flutter in your heart... the thing that keeps you awake at night... that urge to cry and sob and laugh and scream all at once... is all you. And shall forever be you. And in the end, you'll always have you... even if you'll never have... erm... you might never have... uh..."

A wooden bowl dropped before Rainbow Dash, full of steamy broth.

Rainbow blinked at it, then looked up at Zecora. "Done already?"

"No... and yet—yes," Zecora said. "But it wouldn't hurt to test."

"But... eheh..." Rainbow fidgeted. "Usually it takes you longer to whip up a brew for my muscles. Not to insult you or anything, Z, but what if it's undercooked?"

"It's not your muscles that have me worried," Zecora said. She chuckled as she made her way back to the main pot. "For the sake of your heart and soul, have I hurried."

Rainbow frowned. Nevertheless, she picked up the warm bowl. "I'm not rambling because I'm crazy."

"I know you're not, my friend. Either way, the potion will help you in the end."

"Potions can't fix everything," Rainbow said. "And that goes for making it as much as drinking it, girl."

"Rainbow Dash, I know the futility of my affection," Zecora said, her tone bland. "And yet, I cannot fathom trotting in a different direction. Sometimes the need to love is more important than mutual affection and the fruits thereof."

"Would you believe me if I said 'been there, done that?'"

"I would, my dear friend, if I had evidence that your pursuits came to an end." Zecora smiled gently, stirring and stirring. "We are all learning as we are living, and to deny that is to risk the world no longer turning. I know that you are concerned for me, but you needn't worry. My heart may belong to someone, but my body isn't in a hurry. There may come a time when everything goes south, but I would much rather learn the truth from his mouth."

Rainbow Dash fidgeted in her chair. "...it's an addicting feeling, isn't it?" She frowned. "But it only lasts for so long."

"Same with the potion, Rainbow."

The pegasus blinked at that. No other words were said for a while. Finally, as the silence wore on, Rainbow eventually caved in, taking the first of many sips. Zecora hummed an ancestral tune, going pleasantly about her tasks until the entire broth was finished.

Pillow Talk, The Musical

"Well, I sense something, alright," Lancie said, perched on the edge of Rainbow's dresser. "As a matter of fact, it was something that kept shifting and changing over time. While you were off in Southern Orangeville, I felt this persistent tickling on the back of my stone neck, as if several disparate pieces of myself were coming together for a chaotic jamboree."

"Can you... tell me a direction, at least?" Rainbow asked, drying her mane after a fresh shower.

"Mmmmm..." Lancie tapped his chin in thought. "What's the direction in which the golden rays of dawn pierce the horizon's foliage and invite you to fly permanently towards the sunrise in a spirit of boundless adventure and guile?"

"Erm..." Rainbow squatted on the bed, blinking. "East?"

"Yeah. The opposite of that."

Rainbow squinted. "The shards are all being collected to the west?"

"Yeah! There's the ticket!" Lancie chirped.

"But... like... where west?" Rainbow remarked. "And just how far?"

"Beats me, Sparky." Lancie hopped down to the floor and began pacing. "As I said, it's just a tickle. Wherever they're being gathered, they're a kidney stone's throw away. A kidney stone that's been shoved into a cannon and fired across a landscape with the moon's gravity, that is." His granite nostrils flared. The little statue glanced up at her. "And now you're telling me that batpony and newspaperpony have got a fix on them?"

Rainbow nodded, flapping her wings and leaning her head back to dry her mane. "Apparently Noir's buddies have been following Aatxe's minions from afar."

"The Big Bad Dragon, right?"

"Yeah. Big Boss."

"That isn't ominous or anything."

"Anyways, they've supposedly gathered most if not all the rest of the pieces of... erm... you."

"Well, splendid!" Lancie grinned with a prominent stone fang. "When do we go?"

Rainbow frowned at him. "Maybe you didn't pay attention to the 'huge conglomerate of mother-buckin' dragons' part."

"Yes? And?" Lancie gestured. "Just get me to the shards! If they're indeed the rest of the remaining pieces, that's such a sizable bounty that—heck!—I bet I could pull the entire darn moon down with one tug! I bet Princess Frecklestasia would dig that! But... y'know... what's an apple mare to do with that much cheese?"

"Ugh..." Rainbow shuddered. "Lay off the 'princess' jokes for a bit, will ya?"

"Sorries, Sparky." Lancie hopped back up to the bed and plopped down beside her. "I forgot that you were rather sensitive in the tiara-area."

"I'm fine. It's just... I almost lost her," Rainbow muttered. "I'm still... a bit confused on just how she got out."

"Didn't your lips do the magic?"

"And as much as I like to believe that... AJ doesn't remember a thing." Rainbow sighed. "And... maybe it's for the best."

"And you didn't wish for all of her ox carts to turn to gold," Lancie said. He pointed at the black goblet resting on the bedside table. "Instead, you requested an annual pass to chaperonville. I'm detecting a goofy pattern here."

"Not goofy, Lancie."

"Then what is it?"

"I... I'm starting to feel that... the crazier... nuttier things I do for Applejack, the wilder this world gets. I mean... I've seen things and I've been exposed to stuff that I've had no business getting involved with."

"And do you regret any of that?"

"Heck, no!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "It's obvious that I was in all of the right places at all of the right times! But... still... everything I've ever started doing for Applejack... I've ended up doing for everypony else..."

Lancie slowly nodded. "You do realize that any other pony would have just wished for alicorn wings from the start."

Rainbow looked at him.

He smirked and folded his stone arms. "Well... I realize that any other pony would have just wished for alicorn wings."

"I need to stop fooling myself, Lancie," Rainbow said. "My love for Applejack will always be my love for Applejack. Going out on a limb for her... isn't going to change that." She gulped. "Some way or another, the wish is going to be granted for anything but getting us closer together."

"Well, I could have told you that, Sparky," Lancie said. "But why?"

Rainbow slowly shook her head. "Because anything that isn't what it is... wouldn't be real..."

Silence.

"Does... does this mean that you're giving up on the shards, girl?" Lancie muttered.

"No. I dunno. I mean..." Rainbow facehoofed, groaning. "Of course not! I made a promise to you, didn't I?"

Lancie blinked.

"And... Aatxe and his freaky pals have no business hoarding all of that junk," Rainbow muttered. "Now that I know what's real... I-I just can't stand by and let them keep it."

"No." Lancie gulped. "Of course you can't."

"But... like... I-I gotta think stuff out, y'know?" Rainbow muttered, plopping down and laying her head on her pillow. "I've got a lot of stuff on my mind."

"Jee..." Lancie smiled sweetly, plopping down himself. "Ya think?"

"Just... gotta touch base first..." Rainbow exhaled, her eyes fluttering shut. "...gotta touch base with my friends."

"And what about apple pony?"

"Mmmmmm..." Rainbow smiled deliriously as sleep took her. "...dreams..."

Circles and Circles

"So, basically, I'm trying to piece together where exactly my heart is right now, Flutters."

Rainbow Dash paced back and forth across the wooden floorboards of the rustic cottage. Her tail flicked in the morning sunlight pouring in through the front window.

"I mean. It's not like anything's changed anything, really."

She scuffled to a stop, staring straight ahead.

"I love Applejack." Rainbow blinked. A goofy smile spread across her muzzle and her wingtips fluttered. "I love Applejack."

A sigh. And then—

"But I'm at the point where I'm starting to wonder if it's just enough that I love her, y'know?" She resumed pacing. "She's majestic. She always has been and always will be. I've... done some pretty snazzy things to help her out—whether or not she knows it. But what matters is that I know it. Who am I to ask for more? Applejack isn't into mares. She's not into romance. She's not into anything except working hard and being a good friend. And..."

Rainbow Dash shuffled to a stop. She bit the edge of her lip.

"... ... ...if the best I can be for Applejack is a friend, then... then I guess that's what I'm going to have to be." Rainbow exhaled slowly out her nose. "Even though... I will always love her. Deep inside. So long as I'm... doing what's best for her..." She bore a bittersweet smile. "Then I'm playing my part, and I'm making her life better just as she's making my life better by being who she is."

Silence.

"Grnnngh... I dunno, Flutters." Rainbow twirled about. "Tell me straight: am I just being a self-deprecating sap?" She groaned. "As usual...?"

Fluttershy was staring out the window, past the animals frolicking across her front lawn. A dumb smile lingered on her muzzle.

Rainbow blinked. "Uhhh... Flutters?"

Fluttershy kept staring. Smiling.

"Ahem. Earth to Fluttershy!"

"Hmmm?" Fluttershy turned towards Rainbow Dash, blinking. "Oh, uhm... yes! You love Applejack and..." She fidgeted slightly. "Awesome stuff."

"You're in a completely different world, Fluttershy," Rainbow said, smirking. "Maybe I caught you and your thoughts at a bad time."

"Oh. I'm so sorry, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy murmured. "I..." She sighed, staring out the window again with a pleasant grin. "I suppose I can't help it."

Rainbow looked at her. On quiet hooves, she shuffled over, then squatted by the delicate equine's side. "So... uh... lemme guess: all red on the big front?"

Fluttershy blushed instantly. "Rainbow Dash..."

"Your secret's good with me, Flutters," the mare said. "After all, mine are good with you."

Fluttershy brushed her bangs back and murmured, "I... I-I don't wish to change the subject. You're pouring your heart out, Rainbow—"

"Wouldn't be the first time, girl."

Fluttershy rolled her eyes. She said, "Things are good. They're better than good. And... erm... I-I honestly never thought I'd be this happy."

"For realsies?"

"Mmmhmmm." Fluttershy nodded. "You came into my life, Rainbow Dash, and you showed me how wonderful it could be to have a friend. Twilight showed up and helped me learn to be confident and assertive. And now, with Big Macintosh..." She squeezed her front limbs together, her dimples turning rosy. "...I feel a new... different kind of happiness."

"Yeah, I bet you do."

"Rainbow!"

"Hah hah hah!"

Fluttershy pouted. "I'm serious! And think what you want, but Big Mac and I are far more innocent than that!" Silence. She turned red as a beet. "...mostly."

"I'm not gonna pry, girl," Rainbow said. "Whatever's between the two of you should remain that way."

"Th-thank you, Rainbow Dash."

"Just so long as it doesn't go through you."

"Mmfffghh... Rainbow..."

"Heeheeheee..." Rainbow nevertheless sighed, her smile tired and contemplative. "Maybe I can settle for half."

"Half of what?"

"Of what you've got, Fluttershy," Rainbow said. "Every time I've ever actually been in a relationship, it's gone south—mostly cuz of my idioacy. Perhaps it's for the best that I only get halfway there... that I just ponder and dream, but never dive in. Applejack's the best kind of pony to obsess over... cuz she's impossible in every awesome way."

Fluttershy's muzzle scrunched. "You're... not giving yourself enough credit, Rainbow."

"Nah. Just the right amount of it."

Fluttershy rested a hoof on the mare's shoulder. "You'll feel something much like I'm feeling, Rainbow. In fact, knowing you and your deep attachment to emotions, I'm certain you'll feel something far greater than what I'm going through."

"Yeah, but just not with Applejack, you mean."

"I... I-I didn't say that."

"But it's the smart thing to say," Rainbow muttered. "The only thing to say."

Fluttershy's muzzle lingered. She clenched her jaw. Then, leaning over, she hugged Rainbow gently. "You may not have been in a place to believe it lately... you've maybe lost sight of it long ago... but deep down inside, you are a pony who wins... a pony who isn't afraid of anything. It was that fearlessness that amazed me about you to begin with, and it's still there. Just... it's not alone." Fluttershy leaned back, smiling delicately. "It's got a tender... beautiful... sensitive side. And I love both halves of you. And I've no doubt that Applejack would love both just the same."

"Yeah..." Rainbow shuddered. "Just the same."

"Oh Rainbow..." Fluttershy shook her head. "No matter what happens in this life, who feels for what or who pines for who, you must remember to not punish yourself. You deserve better."

"Even... if 'better' means not Applejack?"

Fluttershy squirmed where she stood. "Better once meant... 'not Fluttershy.' Yes?"

Rainbow gazed into blank space.

"I... I'm sorry..." Fluttershy stifled a whimper. "I'm no help at all. And here I was prattling off about—"

"No, Fluttershy, it's okay." Rainbow squeezed her shoulder. "There... really is no helping it, in the end."

"Rainbow, please—"

"I didn't mean to be such a downer," Rainbow said. "I guess, all in all, I'm just flying the same old circles." He smirked at her. "At least one of us is on the up and up, huh?" She winked. "Way to go, girl."

"Uhm..." Fluttershy's cheeks turned rosy once again. "I don't suppose you'll... uh... be downtown roundabouts this afternoon?"

"What, you mean Main Street Ponyville?"

"Mmmhmmm."

"Er... sure, I guess. Why?"

"Oh... eheheh..." Fluttershy hid her face behind a pink lock of hair. "No reason!"

Fitting

Rainbow Dash rung the doorbell to the Carousel Boutique.

She stepped back, stretching her wings in and out while standing in her yellow delivery apron.

At last, Rarity opened the door to the noonday light. She smiled the instant she saw Rainbow. "Greetings, Rainbow Dash. Timely as ever." She stifled an airy laugh, eyeing the mare's work gear. "And I see you've yet again brought the jaundice-inspired mode of dress that they've ceremoniously slathered you in."

"Yeesh." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "When you know how to rub it in, you know how to rub it in."

"Now, is that any way to speak to a respectful client?" Rarity batted her eyelashes.

"Heh. Right. I get it." Rainbow smirked as she trotted over to her wagon and hefted a brown package over her flank. "I'm surprised, Rarity. You ordered standard shipping for this... whatever-this-is."

"Yes, so?"

"I mean, like, you almost always order first-class," Rainbow said as Rarity held the door open for her. She trudged into the Boutique, laying the large box down in the corner of the interior design room. "Or premium. Or—heck—anything that can afford a slightly prettier, even shiny packaging."

"Well, in truth, Rainbow," Rarity said, levitating a pen as she scribbled her name on the delivery mare's work order. "What contents of the package don't matter nearly as much as the means of conveyance."

Rainbow stood up straight, blinking. All of the sudden, her ears and wings drooped simultaneously. "Ughhh... Rarityyyy..." She looked over with dull eyes. "Was this yet another excuse to trap me inside your Boutique?"

Rarity tilted her chin up with a dainty smile. "Guilty..." She capped the pen. "...as charged." A wink. "Darling."

"Rarity, please. We've been through all this before." Rainbow waved a hoof. "If this is yet another scheme to get me into a dress you're modeling or fix me for a date that I have no intention of going on—"

"Is this your last delivery?"

"...huh?"

"Is this your last delivery of the day, Rainbow Dash?"

"Er... yes." Rainbow blinked. "Why?"

Rarity trotted past her. "You're right. I did arrange this so I could see you."

"Uh huh." Rainbow turned to glare at her. "What for?"

"Why..." Rarity reached her desk and pivoted about with a graceful pose. "...so I could see you."

Rainbow blinked.

"And don't you think that it's somewhat odd... and a tad bit dismaying that it would take such a bizarre act of comical subterfuge to make such a thing happen?" Rarity smiled daintily. "A simple visit?"

"I..." Rainbow grimaced. "Rares, I-I don't what to say. I mean..." She gulped. "I certainly hope you don't think that I'm not—"

"No guilt trip intended, darling. I know you've been a busy mare these past few months." Rarity cleared her throat, fluffing her mane as she glanced aside. "A very... very busy mare. But nevertheless..." She looked at the pegasus. "Don't be fooled by the magnificently ludicrous gap between your brutish athletics and my eloquent mannerisms. There's no amount of contrast between you and yours truly that would change the fact that I absolutely adore your presence... and would greatly like to have a simple conversation with you. Here and now." She smiled. "As friends."

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to speak, but she faltered. Soon, she plopped back on her haunches and tugged her apron off with a limp gesture. As her eyes met the floor, the moistened slightly, and she murmured aloud: "Is... has it really gotten that lame?" Her voice was thin, raspy. "I... I know I've got a lot on my plate. Like... seriously a lot. But... but it was never meant to make me a stranger. I mean..." She sniffled. "I-I'm still the Element of Loyalty... r-right?"

A soft white hoof rested on Rainbow's shoulder.

The mare looked up, ears folded back.

Rarity bore an elegant smile. "And you've never stopped. Please, Rainbow Dash... by all means..." She hummed to herself as she returned to her workbench and resumed working on an alteration job. "...tell me. What's been on your mind as of late."

Rainbow cleared her throat. "Just... that simple? You wanted to chat?"

"Mmmhmmm..." Rarity continued to grace the Boutique with a generous smile.

The pegasus exhaled, her wingtips relaxing with more potency than Zecora's potion would muster. "Well... uh... wh-where do I begin?" She stood up, her dimples rosy. "First off... you ever been to Fillyda?"

"Oh, heavens no!"

"Heh heh heh..."

"But please, do go on, dear..."

Darling

"Well, it was pretty schnazzy alright," Rainbow said, resting on the window sill looking out onto the lawn bordering the Carousel Boutique. "If you really wanted to, you could have thought something... anything, and it would have conjured up something in the dreamworld. I mean... of course it was all fake... but in the dream you'd barely know any better!"

"My word..." Rarity lowered a levitating cup of tea from her lips and rested a pale hoof to her dainty cheek. "...I can scarcely imagine such... radiance." Her eyes sparkled. "Why, with the ability to manifest any and all inspiration, I could be capable of so much fabulous—"

"Whoah there, girl," Rainbow Dash chuckled, waving a hoof at the fashionista. "That sort of wild thinking is what made maniacs out of the sons of Shindig in the first place!"

"Erm... but of course." Rarity blushed slightly. "My deepest apologies, Rainbow. I know you and Applejack have been through enough."

"Eh, it's fine." Rainbow shrugged. "Just, I can kinda understand how and why mortals with access to Cider Space coulda gone totally mad with power. It's really addicting... I suppose."

"And yet you did not fall victim to the alicorn powers?!" Rarity blinked in the Boutique's light. "Despite how seductive they must have been?"

"Erm... well... Stu Leaves and I were kinda busy at the time, Rarity."

"Mmmm." Rarity sipped some more tea. "But of course. You had our dear friend to rescue."

"Heh..." Rainbow smirked out the window. "You make it sound so friggin' heroic."

"Isn't it, though?" Rarity remarked, blinking. "What you and Stu Leaves did was nothing short of pure chivalry."

Rainbow gulped. "You d-don't say."

"I may not know much about this Mr. Leaves, fellow, but I happen to be good friends with a truly courageous equine," Rarity said. "I've no doubt that your zeal carried you effortlessly across that otherworldly domain. Applejack's lucky to have returned home as unblemished as she has."

"Eh... it was a bumbling mess, Rarity," Rainbow muttered. "Stu and I kept tripping over ourselves the entire time. There was hardly anything cool about it."

"How interesting."

Rainbow blinked her way. "How so?"

"Well, simply that I'm not used to you being so... unnecessarily humble when it comes to recounting your exploits, darling."

"If this was about winning a race or a trophy at the Running of the Leaves, then sure." Rainbow's nostrils flared as she stared out the window again. "But this is different. This was about Applejack..." She gulped. "About bringing her back in one piece."

"Isn't that something to be proud of?"

"It's not pride. I'm just..." Rainbow hugged herself slightly. A cold shudder ran through her limbs. "It's really awesome that Applejack is in one piece. I'd rather just leave it at that. Luck saved her, and I'm not about to brag over something that nearly wasn't the case—had the universe, like, blinked the other way instead."

There was the quiet clatter of a teacup being placed down along with its saucer. A series of hooves shuffled over in Rainbow's direction. When the pegasus looked up, she felt her fetlocks being grasped in both of Rarity's.

The unicorn gazed at her, lovingly, a warm smile plastered across her muzzle. "You saved Applejack, Rainbow Dash. Perhaps with the help of your friend, most certainly, but do not discount your role in this."

"Rarity, I..." Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth, trying not to shiver. "I fail to see what the big deal is."

"I know, darling." Rarity smiled, her eyes glossy. "And I don't think you need to look or feel any further just to know how truly loyal that proves you to be."

Rainbow Dash blinked. She fought a lump in her throat, then glanced aside. "Uhh... th-thanks, Rarity," she said hoarsely. "For realsies."

"Anytime, Rainbow." Rarity's eyelashes fluttered. "And now, friend, if I may make a small request."

"Errrr... sure."

"How about a hug, for old time's sake."

"... ... ..." Rainbow chuckled, rolling her eyes. "Sure. Just don't get any of your makeup gunk on me."

Rarity produced a dainty laugh. Nevertheless, in swift order she was leaning in and snuggling the petite pegasus. She sniffled slightly, then murmured with her eyes happily shut. "It is delightful to know, no matter how near or far you may be, you are still the same Rainbow."

Rainbow exhaled, gazing past the mare's shoulders. "Yeah. You're telling me, girl..."

Pinking

Rainbow Dash flew slowly over the gold-thatched rooftops of Ponyville. A warm smile trailed off the edges of her muzzle, and an inner warmth kept her levitating—far stronger than any tailwind.

Glancing left and right, she stumbled upon a familiar shape—a bright shape. Wood-finished cupcakes with plaster sprinkles glittered in the afternoon light.

Angling her wings, Rainbow Dash descended swiftly, landing on the threshhold to Sugarcube Corner. A few giggling foals galloped straight out, and the pegasus had to hop backwards to avoid their frantic charge. Shaking her head, Rainbow casually stepped into the establishment. A bouncy shape hopped back and forth from the far side of the counter, fixing fritters and sundaes while humming to herself.

"Hi hi hi, Dashie!" Pinkie warbled without looking. "It must be raining paint buckets today! My favorite kind of buckets! Heehee!" She paused in pouring icing onto a wheel of angel food bread to bend her head down and glance at Rainbow upside-down. "What's down? Or up, in your case! Heehee!"

"Uhm... hey there, Pinkie." Rainbow Dash coiled her wings tightly. Her tail flicked as she momentarily avoided the mare's glance. "It's... erm... it's been a while since we've hung out... or played pranks on other ponies... n'stuff..."

"Really? Has it? Why..." Pinkie twirled about, balancing a bag of flour atop her skull. "I could have sworn it was only..." She counted invisible digits on one hoof, tonguing the inside of her mouth in thought. "... ... ...yup! Only one Gala ago! Hah! Wowsers, can you imagine being invited to more than one of those in your life?!" She twirled about and resumed spreading sprinkles across a bevy of cakes. "Weeee!"

"Eheheh..." Rainbow Dash trotted forward. "Look. I'll make this short. I know I haven't been around much lately, and... er... I-I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"Sorries?!" Pinkie skipped by, slapping several spotted pots and pans into a soap-filled kitchen sink. "What for, Dashie? It's too early in the day to be sorry!"

"For real, Pinks," Rainbow said. "I've... been something of a stranger lately. Not just to you, but to all the girls. But it doesn't matter. I wanna apologize." She gulped. "It's not fair for me to skip out on you as much as I have lately."

"Oh silly Dashie!" Pinkie rolled her eyes. "You haven't been missing!"

"I... haven't?"

"Nope! As a matter of fact, I haven't missed you one bit!"

"Oh..." Rainbow's ears drooped. "Well, I-I guess I wouldn't blame you for—"

"Here!" Pinkie vaulted over the counter. "Lemme show you!" She swept Rainbow up in a deep bear-hug. "Mmmmmmm—see?" She leaned back, eyes sparkling. "You were in the very same hug I left you in last time! Hah! Not lost at all!"

Rainbow opened her muzzle, lingered, then sighed. "You're stupid," she muttered through a delicate grin.

"Takes one to know onnnnne!" Pinkie moontrotted back to the counter and somersaulted to her side of the kitchen. "Hey, I bet we could both know one together over a banana sundae! Whaddya say?"

"Heh... sounds friggin' awesome."

"Mmmmmmmm..." Pinkie paused to drool. "Bananas..."

Rainbow Dash gave a pleasant sigh. Plopping down on her haunches, she waited patiently... and smiled.

Sugar Cube Cutscene

Rarity took a dainty sip of tea and glanced across the table at Sugarcube Corner. "Is it just me, or has Fluttershy been in... remarkably good spirits as of late?"

"Hey! 'Remarkably' good! I like that!" Pinkie said between heavy bites of even heavier doughnuts. "Mmmm! Adverbs with four syllables to describe 'good' are like an evolved form of happy happy! Heehee!"

Twilight rolled her eyes and smirked. "What I think Rarity means, Pinkie Pie, is that Fluttershy is a lot happier than she normally is." She glanced over a stack of books at Rarity. "At least on the outside. Right?"

"Erm, yes. She's quite ecstatic for being such a... skittish specimen of maredom. Ahem." Rarity struggled to crane her neck and look over the books. "Twilight, darling, is this monument to research truly necessary? This is a casual get-together. Surely the homework could have stayed... at home."

"Uu-wee... I'm so sorry," Twilight said, stifling a grimace. Her lavender ears folded back as she scooped her notes and tomes towards her side of the table. "I've just been in such a rush to get everything prepared for the experiments we have planned."

"Now, is this the royal 'we' or...?"

"Oh, no no no..." Twilight Sparkle smiled bashfully. "A group of scientists from Trottingham are coming over to test teleportation spells at the library. Spike and I have got the lab all set up. I'm just trying to brush myself up on tertiary knowledge regarding elaborate trans-dimensional leyline fusion."

"Heh..." Rainbow Dash nibbled on a raisin cookie, her wingtips fluttering. "What could possibly go wrong."

"Well, a little faith wouldn't hurt, Rainbow Dash," Twilight said with a huff. "If we learn enough from the data we're about to collect, we might unlock the secrets to teleporting objects at long distance. Even across Equestria!"

"Hey!" Pinkie Pie lifted her crumbly muzzle, grinning. "That'd put Dashie out of a job!"

"Erm..." Rainbow Dash blinked. "Which job?"

"Heehee! The boring one!"

"Ohhhhh..." Rainbow smiled. "Yeah. Buck that job."

"But Rainbow!" Rarity protested. "Your livelihood!"

"Eh... but if I didn't have to deliver anything anymore, I could finally kiss the dang yellow apron good bye."

"Ah. But of course." Rarity winked. "Good riddance."

Pinkie giggled again.

"Weren't we talking about Fluttershy?" Twilight said.

"Yes." Rarity looked over her shoulder at the window stretching before Ponyville's Main Street. "Just where is she? It's not like her to be late."

"Yeah!" Pinkie nodded. "That's Rainbow's job!"

"Shhhh!" Twilight hissed, brow furrowed. "Pinkie?"

"What?" Pinkie shrugged. "At least I didn't say that she 'barely shows up at all like a total stranger!'"

The unicorns at the table cringed.

"Heh... it's okay, guys," Rainbow said, finishing the last of her cookie. She gulped and folded her forelimbs from where she hovered. "I know that I've been pretty bad at... being around."

"You have a lot on your plate as of late," Twilight Sparkle said. "And we respect that, Rainbow."

"Yes. We have no doubt that you are a mare of your word," Rarity said. "Loyalty and dedication are prime elements of a hard worker, and we couldn't be any prouder." She smiled. "All in all, it makes you a lot like Applejack."

Rainbow opened her mouth to speak, but lacked the breath. She gawked at her friends, feeling light-headed. "You... you r-really think so?"

"You're certainly absent a lot like Applejack!" Pinkie said, giggling. A doughnut ricocheted across her head. "D'oh!" She blinked across the table. "Twiiii? You missed my mouth!"

"Unnngh..." Twilight slumped in her seat, sighing. "I give up." Rarity gave an airy laugh.

"Heheheh... don't fret, you guys." Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. "One way or another, things are going to change. I just... I just feel it." She felt a tap on her shoulder.

"Glad I'm not the only pony," spoke a stallion's soft voice.

Rainbow Dash spun around. She did a double-take. "Sharp Quill! Sonuvagun!"

"Ahem." The stallion smirked, brown wings coiled tight. "I'll have you know, Ms. Dash, that my mother was a saint! She never dated any guns!"

"Heheheh... friggin' lame-oh." Rainbow Dash swatted his shoulder. "How've you been?"

"Oh, peachy keen, girl. Peachy keen." He smiled. "And you?"

"Whew... let me count the ways."

"Yes." Sharp Quill smirked as she flew closer to converse. "Let you."

Sharp Turns

"That's..." Sharp Quill blinked. "Pretty intense, actually."

"Hey..." Rainbow Dash shrugged. "What matters is that we got out of that place in one piece. Same with our heads." She tapped her skull with a smirk. "And here I thought only the humidity down there would kill me."

"Whew! Remind me never to schedule a trip to Fillyda!" Sharp Quill nevertheless smirked. "Still, I bet that kind of craziness is par for the course for an Element of Harmony."

"Whaddya mean?"

"Well, you and Rarity and the other five mares are probably having to deal with one nasty thing or another, on account of having to protect Equestria and all."

"Actually, no, not really." Rainbow Dash shook her head. "I mean, we dealt with Nightmare Moon, a snoring dragon, and a buncha parasprites. But, aside from that, it's been smooth sailing." She shrugged. "This whole business with Serenity Shindig's sons down in Fillyda could have happened to anypony."

"Except it happened to you," Sharp Quill said with a wink. "Which is how you knew from day one that there was a way to beat the whole situation."

"You'd better believe it," Rainbow said, smirking. As Sharp Quill chuckled, she asked the stallion: "So, what have you been up to? Hopefully stuff a bit less kaizo, eh?"

"Uhhhhh..." Sharp Quill gazed across Sugarcube Corner. "I've picked up on some temp jobs here and there. Blue Valley needs some extra precipitation, so I've been flying with the local cloud deliverers."

"Oye..." Rainbow's ears folded. "Bummer, dude."

"Why's it a bummer?"

"Just..." Rainbow shrugged. "That's about as boring as pegasus jobs get. I mean—at least with kicking clouds you get the occasional burst of thunder and crackle of lightning."

"Heh." Sharp Quill smiled. "I'm guessing cloud delivering isn't your forte."

"Flying super slow for hundreds of miles in order to not disentegrate the clouds?" Rainbow rolled her eyes. "I think I'd rather watch paint dry. At least then I'd get some color out of the deal."

"Heheheheh..." Sharp Quill smoothed his mane back. "Well, let's just say I could use the time to think about stuff."

"Like what kind of stuff?" Rainbow Dash waggled her eyebrows. "Lemme guess, you found yourself a hot date already."

"Ehhh..."

"Gonna treat her to breadsticks? Chicks dig breadsticks. I should know."

"Ehhhhhh—no, actually," Sharp Quill said, biting his lip slightly.

"Oh?" Rainbow Dash blinked. "Cuz... erm... I-I could have sworn from last time—"

"I mean, don't take it the wrong way," Sharp Quill breathily said. "I'm still interested. And I'm still looking."

"Uh huh."

"I'm just... not looking in a hurry," he said. "Something about our last talk got me thinking."

"Wuh oh."

"Oh hush. It's nothing bad!" Sharp Quill spoke with a calm smile. "Finding the mare of my dreams would be really sweet'n'all, but... it's not like my whole life has gotta revolve around that, y'know?"

Rainbow Dash stared blankly at him. "...you don't say."

"I mean, why get so riled up about not having a special somepony? It's not like there's a race. And—pfft—buck all that machismo noise about finding a mate just to show off to your bro's. If I'm to get into a relationship, it's not gonna be one that I rush. I'd never had a reason to think much about it beforehand. But... it kinda feels like... like all my life I've had the desire to be in a relationship more than I've needed... uhhh... the relationship itself." Sharp Quill gulped before continuing: "And I figure... why be so crazy over something you can just enjoy with normal anticipation? I've made good friends here in Ponyville. Rarity. You. My cloud delivery co-workers. Sometimes it's... best just to stick to that, y'know? Don't let love confuse things until they have to—cuz your body's gonna burst otherwise. Stupid love... hahaha... that's the kind of stuff worth waiting for. You know what I mean?"

Silence.

Sharp Quill blinked. "Rainbow Dash?"

"Erm..." The mare coughed, clearing her throat. She forced herself to look up at him, and her smile was a bittersweet thing. "Sounds like... uh... like you're finding your place in life."

"Well... yeah." He nodded. "I suppose that's it." He smiled. "And... like... I-I feel like I have you to thank for it, Rainbow Dash."

"Me?"

"You slammed the brakes on the lame train, if you know what I mean." He chuckled, blushing slightly. "I mean... if I hadn't... erm... if Rarity hadn't set us up... erhm..."

"Hey, it's okay." Rainbow Dash waved a hoof. "I think I get it." She sighed contentedly. "That place you're in? I... I think I'm headed there myself too."

Sharp Quill blinked. "You are?"

"I dunno. Maybe."

"Is that..." Sharp Quill shifted on his hooves. "...is that a place where you want to be?"

Rainbow Dash turned and looked over her shoulder.

Rarity, Twilight, and Pinkie Pie sat closely together, chatting and giggling.

"Hmmm..." Rainbow's ears twitched as her smile lingered. "I wouldn't be all that lame, all things considered..."

A Day To Remember

"Say, would you like to... I dunno..." Rainbow Dash pointed at the table where her friends sat. "Hang out?"

"Hmmm?" Sharp Quill glanced over. He instantly bore a bashful smile. "Oh, I dunno."

"It's okay." Rainbow winked. "I'll keep Pinkie from shoving sweets down your mouth."

"It's not Pinkie whom I'm afraid of."

"Oh?"

"I mean, don't get me wrong, I like being in the presence of Rarity, but I just somehow know she is going to try and trap me into fitting another outfit for her."

"Hah!" Rainbow Dash chuckled. "I know what you mean. She does that to me all the time."

Sharp Quill exhaled. "Then I guess we've got something in common."

"Heheheh—wait." Rainbow blinked. "Does..." She squinted at the stallion. "Does she only make you stuff other than suits?"

"Erm..." Sharp Quill bit his lip, squirming slightly. "Well..."

Just then, the door to Sugarcube Corner opened with a jingle. Three bodies trotted in. Rainbow had barely looked over when she heard a drawling voice that sent her heart skipping.

"Afternoon, y'all!" Applejack waved, followed by two other shapes—one huge and the other tiny. "Pinkie Pie! Oh! Rarity! Twilight! Rainbow! Fancy meetin' y'all here!"

"Miss Applejack," Sharp Quill remarked, bowing slightly.

"Oh, howdy there..." Applejack blinked. "...you." Clearing her throat, she turned and smirked at the rest of the ponies filling the eatery. "Anyways, I've been asked by somepony very kind to gather y'all's attention. So if ya dun mind takin' a gander at the center of the room here. Oh, howdy, Mr. and Mrs. Cake! I hope y'all dun mind the intrusion!"

"Uhhh... intrusion?" Mrs. Cake smiled innocently. "Nothing of the sort!"

"Applejack, what in heaven's name is going on here?" Rarity remarked.

"Keep yer shawl on, Rares," Applejack said, backtrotting until she stood besides Sharp Quill and Rainbow Dash. "This here ain't about me."

"Uh... for realsies, though," Rainbow muttered aside. "What's going on, AJ?"

"Shhhh..." Applejack took her hat off with a proud smile, gazing into the center of the room. "Just ya wait and see, sugarcube."

Rainbow Dash and Sharp Quill exchanged curious glances. At the sound of a meek voice wheezing, they looked Fluttershy's way.

"Uhm... hey, everypony. I... erm..." Fluttershy was blushing furiously. With all eyes resting upon her, she pawed at the rug in the center of the room and hid daintily behind a lock of hair. "I... I-I know you're probably wanting to eat your baked goods in quiet. And it certainly is a n-nice day. So, if you don't want to look at us, then I-I guess... uhm... I can't blame you... or..."

Big Macintosh smiled, resting a gentle hoof on her shoulder.

The mare gulped. Almost instantly, she relaxed with a drooping sigh. "Right. Right." She smiled up at the stallion, then gazed happily at the tables of observing ponies. "Well, Big Macintosh and I have... s-something we wish to show you."

"Huh..." Sharp Quill rubbed his scalp. "I don't get it—"

"Shhhhh!" Rainbow Dash hissed, clasping her front hooves together. She was suddenly leaning forward, her ears twitching.

Fluttershy turned towards Big Macintosh. Big Macintosh turned towards Fluttershy. With the grace of melting snow, the two ponies leaned into one another. This gesture culminated with Big Macintosh's head above Fluttershy's. In the meantime, Fluttershy lovingly tilted her head up, lovingly brushing her soft mane against the bottom of the stallion's throat.

"Mmmmmmm...!" Rainbow could hear Rarity inhaling from the far side of the bakery. She glanced over to see the unicorn biting her lip, clasping a pair of hooves before a pair of teary eyes. "Ohmygoodness! Ohmygoodness, yes, darling!" she squeaked.

"Oh wow wow wow wow!" Pinkie Pie somersaulted out of her chair, skidding to a stop on her knees as she beamed. "Lookit! Lookit!"

"Thatta boy, Macky," Applejack said, her voice low and soft. "Couldn't have made a better catch in all the world."

"Awwwwwwwww..." Twilight Sparkle's cheeks turned rosy. She pointed over her stack of books. "Is that what I think it is?"

"They're in love they're in love they're in love!" Pinkie hollered, bouncing joyfully around them. Behind a nearby corner, Mr. and Mrs. Cake smiled, leaning against each other as they drank the sight in.

Rainbow Dash exhaled, her wings drooping behind her while a dumb smile lingered on her face. "Heh... way to go, Flutters," she murmured.

At last, the couple leaned apart. Fluttershy sniffled, smiling sweetly. Meanwhile, Big Mac's scarlet coat doubled in intensity.

"Uhm... thank you, everypony," Fluttershy stammered. "Yes, we... uhm... we're special someponies, now. We just wanted to share that with you."

"Eeeeeeeeeeyup."

The crowd let loose a good chuckle.

Rarity nearly tripped in climbing out of her seat. She trotted swiftly over to Fluttershy, her eyes tearing. "Oh darling, I am so... so proud of you!" She sniffled, leaning in to nuzzle Fluttershy's cheek. Then, with a bright grin, she gestured at the big stallion. "And behold, what a specimen!"

Fluttershy giggled. "Heeheehee... Oh Rarity..."

"What are y'all else standin' around for?!" Applejack cackled, slapping her hat back on her head. "Gather 'round and congratulate 'em! Ain't everyday my brother shares his feelings like this! This is more 'once-in-a-lifetime' than the gul-durn-gala!"

The bakery broke into laughter. Ponies stepped away from their tables, closing in to shake Fluttershy's and Big Mac's hooves, sharing compliments and smiles. Pinkie Pie couldn't stop hugging the two of them, and it took Twilight a teleportation spell or two just to get in close enough to give her own congratulations.

From afar, Fluttershy's eyes sliced through the crowd, and they came into contact with Rainbow Dash. She shuddered, giving a cheekish smile before returning her attention to the nearby ponies.

Rainbow Dash smiled, folding her arms as a proud breath rolled through her.

"Wow... that's pretty awesome," Sharp Quill remarked.

"Mmmm..." Rainbow's voice cracked. "You said it."

Sharp Quill turned to look at the front entrance. "Whoops!" He chuckled. "Guess this is a really weird scene to step in on, huh?"

"Hmm?" Rainbow followed his line of sight. Her heart froze.

"... ... ..." Zecora stood at the front door, an empty pair of saddlebags hugging her flank. The zebra's muzzle hung open, and her blue eyes were wide as saucers.

"Oh no," Rainbow exhaled, her ears folding back.

"What?" Sharp Quill blinked quizzically. "What's the matter?"

Zecora bit her lip to the point of bleeding. Clenching her eyes shut, the shaman turned tail and galloped swiftly out the door.

"Ah jeez... ah jeez ah jeez!" Rainbow Dash flapped her wings.

"Is something wrong?" Sharp Quill remarked.

"Dude. Sorry, I... erm..." Rainbow clenched her teeth. "It was nice talking to you and all, but... s-sorry, I gotta go!" FWOOSH! She rocketed out the eatery.

Sharp Quill pointed at the crowd. "But... but your friend here..." He craned his neck. "Rainbow?!?"

The mare was gone.

Truer Words...

Fwooosh!

"Zecora?!" Rainbow Dash bellowed between panting breaths. "Hey! Zecchy!" After having shot out of Sugarcube Corner, she lifted herself above the rooftops, twirling about as she gazed towards every end of the village. "Zecora! Wait up! Please, don't do this! Where—"

Rainbow cut her own words short when she realized there was no sign of the monochromatic mare. A few curious ponies glanced at her in the sunset light, blinking confusedly.

With a wincing expression, Rainbow peered past them, flapping her wings hard. "Zecora?! For real, girl. Don't—"

She saw a flicker of a black-and-white tail in her peripheral. Spinning about, Rainbow spotted a figure darting into the thick of the Everfree Forest.

"Zecora!" Swissssssh! Rainbow rocketed her way towards the treeline. The pounding in her chest urged her to hyperventilate, but she resisted as well as she could. "Zecora, wait! Will you just wait a second?!"

Rainbow Dash knew the arrangement of Ponyville's streets and buildings. The woodwork of Everfree Forest?—not so much, which had never been a point of frustration to the mare until this very moment.

She darted through tree after tree, gnashing her teeth. The darkening afternoon was triply shadowed under the Everfree canopy, hampering her attempts to see anything beyond the wooden branches before her. Nevertheless, she threaded her way through the trunks and limbs, gliding down as many even paths as she could find.

"Zecora?!"

Nothing returned—save for the echo of Rainbow's desperate voice. There was no finding the zebra at this rate. Rainbow swiftly realized that her current strategy wasn't working. So long as she was searching for the mare—instead of just making a beeline for the mare's hut—she risked getting more and more lost.

So, with flapping wings, Rainbow Dash ascended above the treeline and scanned for the tell-tale branches of the old, withery hut. She found it in no time at all, then glided earthward. Just as she broke the treeline again, her heart skipped a beat. She spotted a black-and-white shadow galloping through the front entrance.

"Zecora—!"

Slam! The front door to the hut shut hard.

Within seconds, Rainbow Dash arrived, scuffling to a stop until she stood—panting—before the very structure.

"Zecora, please! Open the door!" She knocked the front door with her hoof several times. "I mean it! Don't do this!"

She tugged on the door, but it refused to budge.

Gulping, Rainbow knocked on it several more times. "Zecora?! Are you there? Girl, let me in. Please." Her ears folded back as she stammered, "Look, I know that totally had to have sucked. I mean... not for Fluttershy or Big Macintosh... or the other girls really—I mean... rrrrgh... darn it!" She clenched her eyes shut. "Of all the things you had to walk in on—that must have felt totally uncool. But please don't lock yourself away like it's the friggin' end of the world. You deserve more than that! You're smart... witty... full of life... and dayum sexy! Don't lose sight of all that just 'cuz of one guy! Ya feel me? Big Macintosh and Fluttershy—they've had eyes on each other for a long, long time. It's nothing personal, Zecora. It's just how they were meant to be. And... and..."

Rainbow swallowed a lump down her throat. The mare gave up on knocking on the door, and her body slumped against the front of the hut. Her body gradually became numb, though it wasn't for all of the usual reasons.

"And I knew, Zecora," she murmured, sniffling. "I knew about it the whole time. I... I'm sorry." She reopened her eyes, and they were misty. "All this time. I knew... I knew and I didn't tell you. I wanted to tell you... and yet I didn't... I..."

Grimacing, she turned around, her back slumped to the front door. Her wet eyes gazed out upon the foggy sea of trees.

"...I didn't tell you because... because I know what it means to be hopelessly in love with a pony who will never love you back... at least not in the way you want to... that you whimper and sob over at night when it's just you and the lame darkness." She rubbed her cheek, shuddering. "And... and I-I guess I wanted you to enjoy that love... for as long as you could... for as long as you had hope." She gulped. "I-I should have had the courage to shatter your dreams long ago, but I didn't. I like you, Zecora. You've done so many nice things to me and I like you b-being happy. But in the end, I was a friggin' coward."

She sniffled, clenching her eyes shut as she hit the back of her head repeatedly against the doorframe.

"I'm a coward about everything. Just... just locked in place. Going nowhere. That's not a healthy love. It isn't. It isn't healthy, Zecora. It totally isn't..."

Silence.

Rainbow seethed hard and harder. At last, her muscles relaxed. She opened her moist eyes with a sullen expression. Then—one limp at a time—she pulled herself into a low hover. There were no more words, and she lethargically fluttered her way home, leaving the hut in the dark heart of the forest far behind her.

Cider River, Don't Run Dry

A dull night hung dark and dismal over the rooftops of Ponyville.

Rainbow Dash didn't make it her way home. The shadows there were impermeable. Instead, she rested on a cloud about halfway towards her destination. There, she lay slumped on her chest, staring out at the Equestrian expanse. She couldn't face Sweet Apple Acres, nor did she dare face in the direction of the Everfree Forest. Even then, at that very moment, she found it very hard to look at Sugarcube Corner without wincing.

Her existence so far had been a very short one, and already she was running out of things to look at or think about with regret.

She winced... and the wincing made her sigh... and the sighing lifted her up like a limp balloon, so that she drifted through the shadows, making her gradual way to the loneliest corner of town.

Lyra, Bon Bon, Caramel, and Vinyl Scratch stared blankly across the table. The air at their end of the room was so dead silent that an ordinary cough or a wheeze would have monumentally shattered the moment.

Rainbow Dash's blue hoof wandered past six whole empty glasses. At last, her limb grasped a container where a line of apple cider danced about halfway. Her nostrils flared, and she raised the glass to her muzzle. She sipped, and drank, and guzzled. At last, once all of the contents had rolled down her throat, she wiped her muzzle clean without so much as an exhale. A pair of dull ruby eyes gazed past her sullen reflection in the table's adjacent window. The bar's neon sign flickered backwards, but there was no reaction in the pegasus—not even an ear twitch.

Bon Bon fidgeted. She glanced aside at Lyra, then at the other two.

Vinyl Scratch gulped, pretending to be interested in the perpetually unfinished music sheet lying on her end of the table.

Lyra Heartstrings arched an eyebrow, teeth clenched.

Rainbow Dash sighed for the space of ten seconds, slumping back in her seat as she turned and twirled a glass around in her hoof. At last—the cup slipped free, clinking sideways across the table. She attempted picking it up, but the container kept slipping free. She winced slightly, bending the crook of her hoof as she felt numb tingles creeping up her limb.

"Hmmmf..." She muttered in the deadest of tones. "...guess I'm gonna have to get used to that again."

Silence.

Caramel was continuously chewing on his bottom lip. Finally, he murmured, "Did... did you lose your job, Rainbow?"

"Shhhh!" Bon Bon hissed.

"What?!" Caramel stammered.

"Girl, don't even start," Lyra said. "The mare wants to drink? Hmmmf. Let 'er."

"But that's all she's done since she got here! She hasn't said a word to us!" Caramel faced Rainbow, his eyes glossy. "You haven't said a word to us, Rainbow."

"This is a bar, isn't it?" Rainbow grumbled.

"When the horseshoe fits," Vinyl droned, lowering her shades just long enough for a pair of magenta eyes to peer through. "Sometimes, Rainbow, it's a safe haven for warm-hearted friends to congregate and share their feelings."

Bon Bon winced. Lyra merely rolled her eyes.

Rainbow sighed again, staring at the empting glasses. "...mmfff... it's not... it's not my job." She sniffed, her face deadpan. "It's never my job, really."

"Oh, well that's a relief," Caramel exhaled with a soft smile. A few blinks later, he winced again. "Unless... it's something worse."

"It's her love life," Lyra rasped. "Or lack of it."

"Lyra!" Bon Bon frowned at her. "Honestly!"

"Well, what else could it friggin' be?" Lyra waved at pegasus. "It's just damn circles and circles with her!"

"The least we can be is supportive—" Bon Bon said.

"Of what?! Of this?!" Lyra gestured at all the empty glasses. "Doesn't look too damn healthy to me!" She scooted forward, leaning over the table. "Rainbow, what you need is to break the cycle."

"Mrmmmff..." Rainbow leaned her face against the tabletop. "I am the cycle."

"No, you're a bullet." Lyra smirked. "A Celestia-Damned straight line! Pt-owww! Pinggg! Y'know?" She raised her own glass, grinning. "You know what you want in life and you go and grab it! Or you go and do it! Or you become it!"

"Except when it came to Listing Breeze," Vinyl Scratch muttered.

"Erm..." Lyra winced slightly. "Yes, well..."

"Or Gilda," Vinyl added.

"Well, jee, when did death go on vacation and make you her friggin' substitute?!" Lyra frowned in the deejay's direction. "I had no idea they were using turntables at funeral processions, ya genocidal murderer of buzzes!"

"Just saying," Vinyl remarked with a shrug. "If you're a straight shot, odds are you're gonna ricochet off of stuff and you're gonna bounce hard."

"Yup. Well." Lyra drank from her glass and slumped back. "I'm all out of snazzier metaphors. Who's for getting wasted?"

"Everypony, please," Bon Bon gently chided. "I know that misery loves company, but this his ridiculous!" She cleared her throat, then smiled Rainbow's way. "You really shouldn't give up hope, Rainbow."

"Meh."

"No, really!" Bon Bon leaned her chin forward on her hoof as her cheeks went rosy. "I heard that your best friend—Fluttershy—made a statement today."

"Oh?" Caramel glanced over.

"Yes!" Bon Bon's eyelashes fluttered. "She and Big Macintosh did the Lover's Nuzzle in front of everypony in Sugarcube Corner!"

"Awwwwww!" Caramel cooed, eyes sparkly.

"The whole town's talking about it."

"Mmmff... oh yeah?" Lyra muttered, trying to lick the remaining cider from her empty glass. "Who was on top of who? And did it break anypony's bones?" Bon Bon's hoof slapped her shoulder. "Owie!"

"Point is, Rainbow..." Bon Bon resumed smiling in the pegasus' shoulder. "We remember you telling us about how shy and soft-spoken Fluttershy used to be. 'That pony's afraid of her own shadow,' you used to say. And... lo and behold!" She spread her forelimbs, grinning. "She's found her very special somepony! What's more, they've both expressed their mutual love for each other in front of their friends and loved ones! Can you imagine that?! Two adorable souls—once socially awkward but now empowered through their very own love! What was once impossible has become reality and—"

By now, Rainbow Dash was frowning so hard that her chin could cut diamonds.

Bon Bon's ears instantly folded. "Oh no." She drew back into her seat cushions, grimacing. "I-I think I just triggered something."

"Way to go, fuzzball," Lyra grumbled.

Rainbow clenched her eyes shut, sighed, and shook her head. "Mmmff... no... no, don't... don't be hard on yourself, guys. I..." She gazed ahead with dull eyes, looking through the table and its empty glasses. "I'm... happy for Fluttershy. I truly am. That's not the problem. She found what she always wanted and needed... and... and yet..." She ran a hoof through her mane. "I-I think... she always had it... or the gest of how to get it."

"How to get what?" Caramel asked, blinking.

Rainbow lingered in silence for a bit. "Such a stupid word," she blurted. "'Love.' And it's stupid 'cuz some ponies get it better than others. Maybe it's the ponies descended from the first morons who invented the word. I dunno. I think I'd be better off without it."

"You'd be better off..." Vinyl cocked her head curiously to the side. "...without a word?"

"Without the weight of it," Rainbow muttered. "I mean... what's the big deal?" She shrugged, glancing at the others with a gaping muzzle. "Why's it gotta be so important?"

"The sales of Hearts and Hooves cards," Lyra said with a smirk.

Bon Bon grumbled.

Lyra cleared her throat and stared into her empty glass. "Or... y'know... social connectivity... a sense of emotional worth... psychological security in dealing with one's finite mortality." She licked the glass again and shrugged. "Need I go on?"

"No, cuz everypony already goes on... and on and on and on and on... and... and maybe we're just all polluted, y'know?" Rainbow gulped. "Me. I. Maybe I'm just dirtied by it. It's harshed my flow. Gotten me... all clogged up on the insides. I mean..." She looked up, biting her lip. "I... I used to be awesome... didn't I?"

"What... do you mean used to be?" Caramel remarked.

"All I ever cared about was winning. Racing. Competing." Rainbow twirled another glass. "Flight Camp. The Wonderbolts. Even with Gilda... and..." She winced slightly. "...Listing." She exhaled. "I just wanted to be the best... not be with the best. Cuz I was the best... and... and the best would always be there for other ponies." She sniffled, frowning again. "The best doesn't let down her friends." She gulped hard, her eyes darting up. "I used to be awesome. But now?" She shook her head. "I don't know what I am anymore."

Caramel smiled. "I don't think you ever stopped being awesome, Rainbow."

"But... Rainbow," Bon Bon spoke, looking up. "Before you were awesome... you were also precious."

Rainbow blinked at that. Her ears folded back.

Bon Bon smiled. "I think part of you knows that, but it shares part of the same real estate as the part of you that likes to boast and be all she can be. It's just that... the precious part has been floating around the surface a lot more lately."

"Yeah, what she said," Lyra droned.

"And... y'know... that's okay," Bon Bon said. "It's okay to need... and to feel needed." She sniffled, her eyes moistening slightly. "I know I do." She bit her lip.

Caramel rubbed his eyes and stared into dead space.

Silence.

"I can't keep track anymore," Rainbow eventually muttered.

"Can't keep track of what?" Vinyl asked.

Rainbow fought to keep her eyes dry. "Of what I want and what I deserve." She held a hoof over her brow, shuddering. "Sometimes... I-I think I give myself impossible goals because I know that if I won them, then I would have everything... and... and I wouldn't have the need anymore. And... and I don't think I could live like that... or with that."

"As opposed to what?" Vinyl asked. "A world where you knew you could win her, but she couldn't win you?" Her brow furrowed beneath her horn. "Because you know she'd not have you as a goal to begin with?"

Rainbow looked up, eyes twitching. The others shifted uncomfortably.

Vinyl adjusted her shades. "We are talking about a mare, aren't we?"

Rainbow Dash looked down into her empty glass.

"Rainbow, you're a cool kid," Vinyl said. "The coolest of the kids. But Lyra is right. Cycle or a straight line, if you wanna stop experiencing this sort of crud, then something's gotta change. And that could be a good change as well as a bad one."

"How is giving up on the one soul I love more than life itself a good change?"

"Who said anything about giving up?" Vinyl said.

"Huh?"

"Maybe it's not about winning, Rainbow." Vinyl's eyes remained trained on her as she calmly sipped from her first and only glass of cider. "Maybe it's just about crossing the damn finishing line."

Rainbowlancery

Lancie sat on Rainbow Dash's endtable. As darkness lingered outside the floating home, he relaxed, completely silent, his stone body locked in a nigh-meditative pose.

This all was shattered—of course—the first moment a loud thumping noise echoed through the domain.

Lancie's gray eyes fluttered open.

The thumping continued, growing loud and more pronounced.

Curious, Lancie pivoted about and glanced at the window to Rainbow's bedroom.

A blue shape was persistently slamming into the pane from the outside. A muffled grunting sound could be heard.

Lancie's stone brow furrowed. He hopped off the table, slithered across the floor, and climbed up to the window sill. Using his whole body, he pried the window open just in time for—

Fwooooosh! Rainbow Dash's body flew through the opening and slammed into the wall across the way. She collapsed upside down beneath the vanity, her body littered with socks, picture frames, and random junk.

"... ... ..." Her bleary eyes blinked. "...that wasn't the front door."

"Hmmmf." Lancie slid the window shut with another grunt. "That's what she said." He spun about, dusting his tiny talons. "You're rather late on arrival. What happen? Did you have to kick an entire hurricane out to the curb?"

"Say... did anypony ever—HIC—tell you that you look like one of them silly ornament thingies that—HIC—belongs on the front of a rich pony's stagecoach?" Rainbow Dash hiccuped again. She hugged herself, giggling insanely.

Lancie cocked his head to the side. "Ah. So I see we've returned to bubblier oceans."

"Mrmmff..." Rainbow Dash reverse somesaulted onto her hooves. "Don't mind—HIC—me. I just had a little—HIC! A little—HIC!" She stumbled backwards, falling flat on her flank. "...nip."

"Well you certainly nipped it in the bud." Lancie hobbled over. "Here, big girl. Lemme help you to bed."

"I can—HIC!—get there myself!" She slapped his talon away with a flick of the tail. "The bed... the bed..." She got back up, wobbling. "That's in the shower, right?"

"No, it's in this room here," Lancie said, pointing at the furniture in question. "Although, depending on how much you've drunk, I suppose you could turn it into a suana."

"Mmmm... no thanks... I-I don't subscribe to any religion." Rainbow Dash trotted towards the bed. Halfway there, she lost her balance, teetered, teetered some more, and slammed skull-first into the bedframe.

Even Lancie had to wince.

The bed shook, and a length of loose blankets fell over. Rainbow Dash grabbed the edge of the duvet, then rolled around until it ensnared her body like a soft cocoon. "Heeeeeee... HIC!" She smiled stupidly into the shadows, squirming tighter into her soft niche. "Y'know... why do I even have to go to work everyday? HIC!"

"Oh, I dunno," Lancie said, shrugging as he sat down across from her. "Sanity. Self affirmation. Bits to pay your way through life?"

"Why can't Celestia—HIC—do everything? She raises the sun." Rainbow's eyes rolled back as she fought exhaustion. "Surely—HIC—she can control the weather with a simple sneeze."

"Mmmmmmhmmmm." Lancie cradled his chin on a lion's paw. "And what of those deliveries across Ponyville and beyond? Hmmm?"

"Just... toss 'em. Like a hoofball." Rainbow Dash giggled. "Or have her sister tease ponies about them in their dreams." She exhaled long and hard, her nostrils flaring. "... ... ...I hate myself, Lancie."

"Nooooo..." The statue shook his head. "No you don't."

"Yeah I—HIC—do." The mare sniffled, turning emotional on a dime. "I'm a friggin' lame-o who can't quit the cider."

"It's not so much that you hate yourself, Sparky," Lancie said. "It's more like you... love yourself very very hard."

"A pony who gave a crap about herself wouldn't put herself through this... over and over again... every day..."

"Wowsers. Are all drunk horses as lucid as you?"

"Only the awesome ones."

"See?" He pointed. "There's hope for you yet." He bore a tired smile. "Why would you bother destroying yourself unless you knew there was something weighty enough to crumble?"

"Buh?"

"You're a bit too keen to punish yourself, Sparky. And it's not about hate. It's only because you love something a great deal more than you love yourself." He arched a stone eyebrow. "But you don't know how to make the ends meet without rotating them in the completely opposite direction. It's delightfully chaotic."

"And you like chaos, don't you?"

"Hey." He smirked. "What in this universe is more chaotic than love?"

Rainbow sniffled again. She opened her moist eyes, staring up at the statue. "...I love her, Lancie."

"I know, Rainbow."

"Celestia help me, I love her so much."

"I know."

"It's... it's gonna be the friggin' end of me."

"No no no no... not an end." His gaze hardened. "But a beginning."

"Mmmfff... beginning?"

"Though whether it's a solitary life..." He stood up and tugged at her blanket. "Or one you share with another... that remains to be seen. But I've lived long enough to know the cycles of rebirth when I see it. I'd say you're a bit too young for a curtain call."

"Curtain... call..." Rainbow stumbled up to her hooves from his motions. Soon, she was being urged onto the top of her bed mattress—where she rolled over with her belly up. "You... are certainly talking strange tonight, Lancie..."

"Uh huh..." He muttered as he drew the blanket around her.

"Mmmff... almost like..." She whimpered, instantly curling up comfortably beneath the sheets. "...almost like a different person..."

"Yes, well..." He fluffed the pillow and slid it beneath her head. "...I doubt that half of you will even remember."

"Mmmmmmm..." She smiled tiredly, her body deflating against the mattress.

"As for the other half..." He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, and his gaze pierced the starlight beyond. "...well, I'm not sure I can even predict anymore."

Rainbow Dash slept fitfully, but safely.

He stumbled backwards until he was squatting on an endtable again. He laid down and stared at her. "I'm not the only one who needs to get pieced together..."

Another Day, Another Dash

Thunderlane and Candy Mane kicked several clouds into submission. As the misty vapor dissipated around the two in the morning air, they brushed their hooves off, then exchanged glances. After a mutual gulping, they turned and looked across a nearby cloud bank.

Rainbow Dash lethargically went about forming a large cloud out of several smaller ones. When she finally kicked at the vaporous mass, it was with half-a-breath. She flew limply after the ensuing breakup, batting the bits into translucent nothingness, sighing the entire time. There was no ruler in existence that could measure her long face. A pair of ruby eyes gazed tiredly at the rooftops of Ponyville below.

Thunderlane bit his lip. He looked at Candy Mane.

"Uhhh..." Candy Mane smiled in Rainbow's direction. "Thunder and I were gonna go hit Sugarcube Corner after this, Rainbow. Would you be interested in joining us... m-maybe?"

"Mmmmm..." Rainbow floated listlessly after another cloud.

"I bet they're serving cider!" Thunderlane said.

"Shhhh!" Candy Mane swatted his shoulder.

He winced, rubbing his forelimb and smiling nervously. "The... uh... the light stuff!"

Rainbow's body deflated with yet another sigh. "Mmmm... gonna be busy."

"Oh yeah?" Candy Mane smiled. "Whatcha up to this afternoon?"

"Working." Rainbow Dash collected more clouds, her ears twitching. "Always. Working."

"Oh." Candy Mane blinked.

Nostrils flaring, Rainbow bucked the large cloud and went slowly chasing after its various misty bits, dashing them with errant kicks.

"It's a bunch of tiny parcels. But it's all the same job," Stamps said, writing onto a sheet of paper. He flipped over to another sheet on his desk and resumed his busy scribbles. "Twilight Sparkle's experiment with the scientists coming in from Trottingham could have some residual magical effects on local unicorns, so she's sending out these packages full of magical reagents to assist the Ponyvilleans with any potential anomalies. Those are her words, not mine. I'm sure it's gonna be nothing more than a bit of static electricity in the afternoon time. That librarian's smart, but a little paranoid. But I suppose you would know that."

"Mmmm. I guess."

Stamps' eyes darted up.

Rainbow Dash stood, head bowed, in the center of the company warehouse.

Stamps arched an eyebrow. "Need to call in sick today?"

"I'm not sick."

"You sure of that?"

"When you're done with the paperwork, I'd very much like to get to work, please," Rainbow said.

Stamps blinked. He finished signing a few more sheets, shuffled them, then slid them into a large envelope. "You know... a very colorful, snarky pegasus once worked for Banner Company."

"If you say so."

"Close enough." Stamps hoofed the envelope over. "That's for the last destination."

"Uh huh." Rainbow tucked it under her wing and spun about to leave.

"Remember..." Stamps tilted his chin up. "A smiling employee makes a smiling client."

"Hmmm..." And the mare was gone.

Stamps exhaled, his brow furrowed. "What'd she do on vacation anyway?" He shuffled through his papers some more. "Kick puppies?"

"Well, splendid." Amethyst Star smiled, nodding. "I'll keep a watch on my magic this week. And if you see Miss Sparkle, be sure to thank her for the heads up on my behalf."

"Uh huh," Rainbow said.

The front door to the unicorn's cottage shut.

Rainbow adjusted her yellow apron, spun about, and marched towards her chariot parked on the side of the road. She was starting to tie herself up to the riggings when she paused, then craned her neck to look past the nearest row of apartments.

The Everfree Forest loomed at a cold distance. Nothing but black space lingered between the trees.

Rainbow Dash clammed up even more. With molasses motion, she finished attaching herself to the wagon, flapped her wings, and flew off to the next destination.

Awesometrics

"Hey... Hey Rainbow!" I chirped louder, leaning up against a wooden crate pressed to the wall of an alley. "Rainbow Dash!"

She perched—more like slumped—on an apartment rooftop, overlooking the west edge of Ponyville.

"Rainbow Dash! Hey!" I grinned wide. "I've been practicing! Look!" Buzzing my wings, I slowly took off and hovered a good three feet from the ground. It took a great deal more effort to keep myself hovering in place than it did to actually lift off. I wasn't quite sure why, but rather than focus on the strain I spread my two forelimbs wide and dramatically sang: "Ta-daaaaa! See?! I can get off the ground!"

She didn't seem to hear me. I saw her ears folded back as she leaned her chin against her forelimbs. It occurred to me that maybe she was asleep.

"I did everything you taught me to! Isn't that awesome?! I mean... it's not exactly flying but it's getting somewhere, right? Huh? Rainbow Dash?" My face twisted, and then I grinned. "I know! I'll just get closer so you can see better! I... uh... I-I think I can do that!"

Then, straining, I flapped my wings harder and harder. The alleyway floor became distant, foggy in the afternoon haze. I was sweating at that point, and my spine ached.

"Unf... gnnngh... I know you... s-said that I shouldn't try to strain to get myself airborne! But... th-this is a lot harder than it l-looks!" I felt my wings going numb, and only then did I realize just how many feet I had ascended. "Uh oh." My inner organs shifted as I plummeted like a rock. "Aaaaaugh—!"

Swoooosh! A blue hoof grabbed my right fetlock. "Watch yourself, kid," Rainbow Dash said, and in a blink I was hoisted up to the rooftop. She flapped her wings, then plopped down beside me. I expected a wry grin across her face, but instead her muzzle was cold and limp. "Not too shabby. But if you're gonna take off, then you should always have a plan for getting back down."

"Oh... oh right..." I was panting heavily—and trying my darnedest to not show it. "You're absolutely... right... wow... Rainbow Dash..." I slicked my mane back, smirking. "That's some really good advice! You're like a friggin' genius at flying!"

"Meh." And she slumped down to the rooftop just as she was when I found her. She continued gazing west, past the edge of town, towards where the rural settlements of Ponyville began.

I blinked at her, curiously followed her gaze, then said: "The very moment I learn to fly, we're building a super secret door into the rooftop of the treehouse!"

"Mmmmf... who's 'we?'"

"Hehe! Apple Bloom and I, of course! Sweetie Belle would help, only Rarity's always telling her that power tools are for mares who like to wear plaid. Whatever that means. But Sweetie Belle hates plaid, so it's up to Apple Bloom and me."

"Rarity's something else," Rainbow muttered. "Still... she's only trying to save Sweetie Belle the trouble, I suppose."

"The trouble of what? Reconstructing a treehouse?"

Rainbow merely sighed, her eyes glued to the western fields. "Forget it. Rarity's just being silly. Sweetie Belle's being silly. Everypony and everything..." Her ears twitched. "Silly... silly ponies."

"Rainbow, are you... feeling alright?" I asked.

"As alright as I'll ever be," she droned.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know." Rainbow's tail flicked limply. "Maybe someday I'll write a book about it."

"Oooh! Really?!" I grinned wide. "A book?" I hopped across the rooftop. "Maybe I could help you with it!"

"Meh." She sighed again. "Whatever."

"Uhm... it doesn't have to be a very long book."

"Heh. Good luck with that." Silence. Suddenly, Rainbow felt her body shifting. Curiously, she glanced aside with a confused expression.

It may have had something to do with the fact that I was hugging her.

"The heck are ya doin', Squirt?"

"Hugging you."

"Uhm... I can see that." She raised an eyebrow. "But why?"

"Because..." I looked at her with a sweet smile. "When you hugged me that last time, it seemed to make you feel better."

"Kid... I... uh..." Rainbow gulped. "You... should be careful about who you hug and feeling like you should be obligated into doing it."

"No obligation!" I winked. "I just want you to feel better."

"Hugging doesn't always make ponies feel better."

"Yeah, well, it can't hurt!"

"Kid, I..." She suddenly rolled her eyes and face hoofed with a prolonged exhale.

I suddenly felt a nervous spasm in my chest. "I... I'm sorry." I fought a lump in my throat as I drew away. "I... I made you mad, didn't I?"

"No, kid."

"I'll leave you be—"

A strong wing stretched around me, holding me closer with blue feathers. "I'm not mad," Rainbow said. She sported a smile, and it looked like it took more effort than a sonic rainboom. "I'm just... being me."

"Yeah, but..." I blinked worriedly at her. "You're awesome. This... isn't like you."

She winced slightly, but ultimately said, "Remember how I said you should always have a plan for coming back down from a flight?"

"Right." I nodded.

She nodded back. "Awesomeness is a long way down."

"Heh... I bet it is!"

Silence.

"Say, kiddo..."

"Yeah, Rainbow?"

She continued staring west, only a soft expression came over her. The hint of a smirk rose one degree at a time across her lips. "Did I ever tell you about the one time I took on a cyclops and a basilisk all on my lonesome?!"

"What?!" I instantly perked up. "A cyclops and a basilisk?! No way!"

"Heheh... yes way."

"Say... Rainbow Dash?"

"Hmm?"

"... ... ...just what is a basilisk, anyways?"

"Well, lemme describe it to you," she said. "As well as how I kicked its ugly butt."

"Heehee! Cool!"

As I Lay Scooting

"So the ground gave way, and the cave collapsed. But the prisoners were able to make their escape," Rainbow Dash said, reclining on the rooftop as she gazed at the darkening evening sky. "I got separated from the gang. But when I made it to the surface, I could see that they all had gotten free. They were galloping... bounding for the hills by the time I figured it was safe enough to fly home."

"Wowwww..." I blinked, gaping at her. "All in a day's work for you, huh?"

"Eh. Yeah, sure." She flicked her tail, smiling wryly. "For all they know, I probably bit it in the cave-in. But whatever." She rubbed her hoof nonchalantly against her chest. "Legends live longer than ponies. S'all awesome."

"But... aren't you sad that they might be sad... th-thinking that you're dead?"

"Hey, they're alive, kiddo," Rainbow Dash said. "And they're free. Heh..." She stifled a yawn. "They should be glad they got the chance to think of anything."

"Hehe..." I smiled as my wings fluttered. "I guess that's a cool way of looking at it."

"Cool enough for me."

"Still, I gotta ask..." My face scrunched. "If that minotaur could beat up the diamond dogs' tank with his bare fists, then why was he so obsessed with looking for a folding chair to smack the bad guys with?"

"Beats the heck out of me, squirt," Rainbow said with a shrug. "The dude was all brawn."

"And you were the brains!" I smirked. "Right?"

"Eugh... yeesh, when you put it that way..."

"Heeheehee!"

"Nah..." Rainbow smirked, fiddling with the golden straw of the thatched rooftop. "I was just in the right time and at the right place. All those prisoners needed was a teensy little shove and then they were homeward bound."

"Rainbow, you did more than give 'em a 'teeny little shove!' You carried that whole group!"

"Yeah, well, don't let it get around."

"Not even with Twilight Sparkle and your other friends?"

"Especially not with them," she grumbled. "No need for them to know any of that."

"Er... I don't get it. Why not?"

"Cuz I don't want them freaking out over all the trouble I've gotten myself into."

"So? You survived okay!"

"Mmmf. Barely."

I blinked. "Just how did you survive the cave-in anyways?"

"Heh... dumb luck, I guess."

"You say that as if it was bad dumb luck."

"Er... no." Rainbow's ears twitched. "Just... not everything happens cuz of awesome reasons. Sometimes you're just fortunate."

"Fortunate to be so cool and brave and loyal!" I said, sticking my tongue out.

"Hey, we each get a chance to shine, kid," she said. "And when it happens to you, I bet you'll consider yourself just plain 'lucky' as well."

"Yeah, but you got to shine plenty of times, Rainbow!"

"Well..."

"For realsies!" I stood up, grinning. "The buffalo! The diamond dogs! Those mobsters in Manehattan?! You've been kicking the butts of all the bad guys!" I giggled. "And here I thought all this time you were just doing boring delivery jobs!"

Rainbow squinted my way. "Who said I was doing 'boring delivery jobs?'"

"Ermm..." I instantly bit my lip, squirming. "Uhhhh... Sweetie Belle... made it sound... erm... like—"

"Rarity," she uttered, chuckling. "Got it."

"Oh please don't be mad at Sweetie's sister, Rainbow!" I stammered, fidgeting. "She thinks the world of you." I cleared my throat. "It's not that hard to do, really."

"Nah, Rarity's great." Rainbow smiled casually. "It's just that she can be really... really generous with word of mouth... if you catch my drift."

"Heeheehee..."

Rainbow looked at me quizzically.

"Hehehehehe!" I continued giggling.

"Okay," she droned. "I give. Who slid you the magic oatmeal?"

"It's just so nifty, Rainbow Dash. You must be beyond cool."

"How do you mean?"

"Just... you live the most interesting life!" I exclaimed breathfully. "And nopony knows it but you!"

"Yeah, so?"

"I guess you're just above all of it by now." I smiled her way. "That perfectly explains why you look bored all the time."

"I look... bored all the time?"

"Well, yeah. You've got the long face. You only smile when you feel like it."

"Err..."

"I guess if life threw me things I could kick the flank of in a beat, I'd be bored too!"

She sighed heavily. "It's not boredom, kid."

"Oh?" I blinked. "I don't get it. What's the problem?"

"Uhhhh..."

"You've done some really awesome, amazing things! Super radical things! The kind of things that ponies... could only dream of! Hah!" I slapped a hoof against the roof. "And you've even got that beat, Rainbow! What... with all the cider space stuff?"

"Huh... yeah..." She blinked, staring off into the melting horizon. "I suppose I have run the awesome gauntlet. For sure."

"If I were you, Rainbow, I'd be flying all over Ponyville! Shouting it to the streets!" Just like that, I stood on the edge of the rooftop and bellowed: "'My name is Rainbow Dash and I'm the most awesome hero in all of Equestria—'"

Her hoof immediately flew over my muzzle. She swiveled me to face her. "Kiddo...!" She breathed, seething. "There's a time and a place!"

I blinked at her. I slid my muzzle out from beneath the crook of her hoof. "Like... like when, Rainbow Dash?"

She stared at me, her muzzle agape. At last, she sighed... bearing an exhausted smile. "When you've got ponies you care about. Like cool foals like you." She playfully shoved my shoulder. "And the ones that... th-that you love more than anything." She gulped, her eyes distant. "Then... and finally then could... a pony earn her place."

I smiled at her. "Well... I'd say you've more than earned it, Rainbow Dash."

"Yeah, Scoots..." She exhaled calmly. "I have... h-haven't I?"

Forgive and Experiment

It was the first morning in a long while where Rainbow Dash woke up with something resembling a smile on her muzzle. However, she did not wake up calmly. Her ears twitched, and she sat up to the loud, offish sound of a banging hoof against her house's front door.

"Mrmmmff..." She rubbed her fuzzy face, blinked, then rubbed it again. "What in the hay...?"

"Beats me, Sparky," Lancie said from her end-table. "When, exactly, was the last time you paid the bill for this farty place?"

"Grfff... please... Green Saddle...?" Rainbow yawned, then blinked, then gasped. "Buck me sideway! Green Saddle!"

"Buh?"

"Crud!" Rainbow leapt out of bed, promptly forgetting how numb her limbs had gotten overnight. THUNK! "Crudcrudcrud!" She wormed her way across the floor to her dresser. All the while, the hoof-pounding continued. Rainbow reached a drawer, pulled out a bag of bits, then flapped her wings.

"Watch your head, Sparky!" Lancie waved a granite statue. "There's no need for you to be banging about all over the—" Th-Thud! He winced hard. "—place."

Rainbow was currently occupied in the process of barreling her way through all the doors of her house. At last, she stumbled into the front foyer, bruised and wheezing. "Hold up! Hold up! For Luna's sake, hold up!" She flung the door open with her teeth and fiddled through her bit bag. "Look, Green Saddle, I'm sorry! I've got the payment! I've just been so caught up in all sorts of crud as of late that I forgot! But I got the p-payment! Here! See?!" She extended a bunch of bits, but froze in place, blinking.

There was no sign of the money-collector's hot air balloon... or the money-collector himself. Instead, a decidedly mysterious figure perched on the mare's cloudy doorstop, wearing a thick, thick cloak that obscured his every feature.

"How curious, Rainbow Dash," a stallion's breathy voice wafted out from under the hood. "Have you been in money trouble all this time?"

"Uhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash blinked, her ears twitching. She leaned forward with narrow eyes. "... ... ...Noir?"

The figure's head tilted up, and the pegasus saw a pair of slitted eyes reflecting from deep beneath the hood. "I'm not used to living a diurnal lifestyle. Forgive me—were you still sleeping?"

"Uhm... yeah, but s'all good!" Rainbow tied the bit bag shut and tossed it casually behind her. "What's up?"

"You're certain you're awake?"

"Pffft. I sure as Tartarus am now."

"Good." He tightened his cloak tighter around his photosensitive coat and gestured with his head. "Come to Everfree. We need you."

"Yeah! Sure thing!" Rainbow turned. "Just gimme a second to—" She froze, her eyes wide. "Wait..." She pivoted back towards him, muzzle agape. "Who's we?"

"Zecora and I."

"Zecchy?!"

"Yes. There's an important experiment that needs preparation and we need your—"

Rainbow slammed the front door and shot past him like a bullet. FWOOOOOSH!

Noir's teeth gnashed from beneath the hood. "Damnation, Rainbow!" He spun, spitting. "Give me a second to explain! We're headed to the Castle of the Old Sisters! Not the hut... grnnnnghhh." He stuck a pair of wings out from beneath the cloak and winced from the exposure to sunlight. "Why can't all heroes be cold-blooded?" And he floated after her as speedily as he could in the daytime.

In no time at all, Rainbow Dash landed on an aged balcony overgrown with vines and errant grass. As soon as her numb hooves stopped scraping to a stop, she saw several ponies gathered in a tight cluster in the front atrium of the decrepit castle.

Twilight Sparkle waved from where she sat—huddled—with the likes of Trixie and several Trottingham scientists. "Oh! Hi, Rainbow! You're up early!"

"Uhhhhh..." Rainbow merely blinked. "Uhhhhhhhh..."

"I'll be with you in just a second!" Twilight turned to Trixie, pointing at a series of notes and diagrams. "So, if we establish a circle of leylines here, then we should have an appropriately charged teleportation field for relocating the displaced materials—"

"Good morning, Rainbow, my friend!" Zecora's grinning face appeared out of nowhere. "A dazzling dream, I hope we did not end!"

"Gaaah!" Rainbow flinched backwards, nearly falling on her flank. "Stripes! Ghhrkk!" She went cross-eyed, then gasped. "Zecora...?!"

"Here." With a pleasant breath, Zecora slid a sloshing jar over Rainbow's way. "First, drink this limb relaxing elixir. Then you'll be strong enough to assist in our scientific expedenture."

"I... I..." Rainbow blinked at her, then at the jar, then at Noir—who was just then landing with a huff.

"Mmmff..." The stallion adjusted his cloak and glared Rainbow's way before trotting into the delicious shade of the old castle. "'Fastest mare in Equestria' in guts only."

"Nice to see you too." Rainbow popped the cork off the jar and prepared to take a sip. However, she stopped, and looked up across the way. "But, for real, Zecchy... what gives?"

"Please, do drink up, Rainbow," Zecora said. "And the matter of today's tasks I'll gladly bestow."

"Hey, I'm happy to lend a hoof... but all I wanna know is why."

"Twilight Sparkle has a most fascinating experiment at hoof, and it needs all her friends and resources to achieve any proof—"

"No, I get that. You're both cut from the same nerd cloth, and that's cool. But..." Rainbow gestured at the potion. "Why the gift of 'numb-go-away?'"

Zecora glanced over from the materials she was unpacking. "Hmmm?"

"I mean... the other day... with... with Fluttershy and Big Macintosh and what I'd... I mean..." Rainbow bit her lip, hugging the jar to her fuzzy chest as her ears folded back. "Aren't... aren't you mad at me?"

Zecora blinked, then simply smiled. "The only pony I have to be mad at is myself, but such negative emotions bring no wealth. Once I learned to move past such a feel, I've been reacquainted with life's progressive zeal."

"But... but I still don't get it," Rainbow wheezed. "You were... you were in love, Zecora. And all that time I knew—"

"Shhhhh..." Zecora trotted over and rested a hoof on Rainbow's shoulder. "Some things end before they begin, but they're never worth losing a friend."

Rainbow simply gazed at her.

Zecora giggled, leaned in to nuzzle the mare, then made an about face. "So, then, drink until you are whole, and we shall assist Twilight with her goal."

Rainbow exhaled. A warm smile crossed her muzzle.

"Swiftly, my beloved companion, before Noir suffers an incineration."

"Heh..." Rainbow toasted the air and poured the quaff down her throat. "Here's to roasted bats..."

These Sarosian Eyes

"These are absolutely perfect, Zecora!" Twilight exclaimed, muzzle agape. She looked across the central courtyard of the palace, levitating a series of crystals in front of her violet eyes. "Where in Equestria did you get them?"

"Hmmmm..." Zecora smiled. "Those minerals aren't nearly as rare as you would think. Back in my home country you can pluck them from any stone in a blink."

"But still, your place of birth is so far away!" Twilight said while Trixie and a few more scientists trotted up. "To think that you were holding onto them for all this time."

"They are certainly very shiny," Trixie said. "The Great and Humble Trixie believes they will suffice for the inner leyline buffering system."

"Are you sure we can use these, Zecora?" Twilight said. "After the kind of experiments we are attempting to do, they'll likely lose all mana conductivity."

"Consider it a scientific dedication," Zecora said with a smile. "I knew that I would be saving them for an extra special occasion." She tilted her head up, squinting into a patch of sunlight through the castle's exposed rooftop. "If I'm not mistaken, an experiment of this nature is going to need large quantities of moisture."

"In order to control the air temperature," Twilight said with a nod. "The sheer amount of magical currents we'll be conducting could heat things up like an oven if we're not careful."

"Then some rainwater is in order!" Trixie turned towards Rainbow Dash who had been perched atop a stone alicorn statue the whole time. "You! The Great and Humble Trixie requests your weather flying service in summoning a rain cloud!"

"Trixie," Twilight whispered aside. "A little advice: friends don't make requests in a way that sounds like a demand."

The unicorn next to her winced. "Er... Trixie is sorry. Ahem. But of course, Twilight, if you would like to make the request."

"Why, sure." Twilight looked up. "Rainbow?" She opened her mouth, then sighed and muttered; "I request your weather flying service in summoning a rain cloud."

Trixie and the nearby scientists giggled.

"Heh... s'all good, guys," Rainbow said with a salute. She flexed her forelimb, delighted to sense every square inch of it without difficulty. "If I'm gonna squat around, then I might as well be useful."

"It's a shame there aren't other pegasi around to assist you, Rainbow," Twilight said. "I'd hate to think of you doing all the hard work on your own."

"What of the sarosian?" Trixie said, pointing towards the cloaked figure perched on another granite beam.

"Huh?" Twilight turned to look. "Oh, right! Mr... Noir was it?" She immediately chewed on her lower lip. "But... weather flying means lots of exercise in the lower atmosphere, and it's full daylight right now—"

"Fear not, Miss Sparkle," Noir said, adjusting his cloak. A pair of wings stretched out. "I do have experience in daytime flying. It would be a pleasure and an honor to assist in this experiment taking place on hallowed ground."

"Well, thanks a'plenty, Mr. Noir!" Twilight said with a grin.

"Hallowed ground...?" Trixie whispered aside.

"Well, we are standing in the Castle of the Two Sisters," Twilight said with a smug grin.

"Oh, right." Trixie blinked, then blinked even wider. "Eeeeee!" She shimmied from side to side in sudden elation. "Trixie. Is. In. The Sisters. Castle!"

Twilight giggled.

"Come on, Noir," Rainbow said, motioning towards the heavens as she lifted off. "Let's glide."

"Indeed." He flew after her, albeit at a slower speed so as not to lose his cloak and hood.

Rainbow Dash noticed it. She was already collecting wispy bunches of cloud high above the Everfree Forest when she looked down to bark his way: "So... what happens if that outfit of your flies off? Do you—like—melt or something?"

"Please, Miss Dash," Noir muttered. "Don't make this more taxing than it is."

"'Taxing?!'" She stuck a tongue out. "Pffft! Whatever happened to 'being honored to be on hallowed ground' a few farts ago?"

"You and I are business associates. I trust that our collective feelings are a great deal less... formal. Or constrained."

"Hah! Well that's a stiff way of putting it! Though... no surprise, coming from you." She winked while clumping more clouds together.

"Mrmmfff..." Noir sighed as he harnessed a misty bed of his own, gaining more and more moisture in the air. "If this was the dead of night, I'd have summoned a tornado by now."

"Sure. No doubt." She flew over his head, collecting more wisps. "So, like, if this is so dang 'taxing' to you... why bother?"

"Hmm?"

"This is kinda super out of your element, right?" Rainbow remarked. "Not to mention completely unrelated to New Saros, the shards, and all that crazy lunar assassin schnazz."

"We are not assassins," Noir snarled, a pair of fangs flashing beneath his muzzle. Clearing his throat, he collected a larger cloud and muttered, "Though it sometimes helps to have an intimidating reputation."

"Heh. No doubt."

"You deserve nothing less than the truth, Rainbow Dash," Noir said. "And the truth is... I... f-felt compelled."

"Compelled?" Rainbow blinked. Suddenly, she exhaled with a knowing nod. "Zecora..."

"Yes, indeed."

"Heh... she certainly has that effect on a pony."

"I would agree," Noir said. "Her integrity and commitment to the shamanistic arts is most admirable."

"She can be fun and fancy free when she wants to be, though."

"Perhaps. But, first and foremost, she is a mare of duty, progress, and communal protection—all of which are highly admirable qualities among the Lunar Code."

"So, basically, you dig her."

"... ... ...I beg your pardon?"

"Heeheehee!" Rainbow Dash giggled, nearly losing track of a cloud. "You do! You totally do!"

"I assure you, Miss Dash," the sarosian growled with emphasis, readjusting his hood. "This is purely a respectful business venture. She's gone out of her way to nurse me back to health, and I am now assisting her humbly in her pursuits."

"She's got you doing errands in the daaaaaytiiiiime..." Rainbow stuck her tongue out. "Just wait, buddy. Soon she'll get you fetching tubs of ice cream at ten o'clock at night. Well... eheh... in your case that may not be a bad thing."

"Ggghhhh..."

"Friggin' zebras." Rainbow winked. "Am I right?"

"And just how long have you been acquainted with her yourself, pray tell?"

"Hmm? Who, me?" Rainbow shrugged, packing a pair of cloud beds together tightly. "A few months, I guess. Give or take."

"Less than a year?"

"Oh, totally."

"And yet, in such a small time, she has grown remarkably fond of you. Trusting, even."

"Er... yeah..." Rainbow squinted at him with sudden curiosity. "What's your point?"

"Simply this. We've both mutually agreed that Zecora is an individual fully deserving of respect and admiration."

"Dang straight."

"And yet she has made a fast friend with you, expressing little to no hesitation... or remorse."

Rainbow blinked. "Well... yeah. I guess that's true." She exhaled with a pleasant twitch to her ears. "She's quick to forgive too."

"Then that's something to be proud of, considering her qualities," Noir said. "That she would admire you so."

"Heh..." Rainbow Dash slicked her mane back. "Shucks, dude. Knock it off. You're being too kind."

"... ... ...so perhaps it is you who should be endeavoring to procure the late night shebert."

"Heh..." Rainbow rolled her eyes, smirking. "I take that back. You just fell into lame-town."

"Of which you are an avid resident."

"Woohoo!" She pumped a hoof and resumed cloud-gathering. "And he saves it in the end! The crowd goes wild!"

Cloudversation

"Do you need more water, Twi?!" Rainbow hollered from her high position.

Twilight shook her head while scribbling onto a notepad. "We're good for now, Rainbow! Thank you!" she chanted in a distracted tone from where she stood in the castle's open foyer.

Trixie looked up from where she monitored an elaborate machine housing glowing crystals and a pair of bubbling water tanks. "The leyline buffer is sufficiently cooled! We may need more rainwater in a bit, so standby! If Twilight's too distracted to call for backup, then Trixie will!"

Rainbow nodded, then backtrotted until she sat squarely atop a plush cloud that was dark gray with stored up moisture. She wasn't alone; a sarosian stallion in a thick cloak sat beside her. Together, they gazed down at the busy experiment taking place. Several unicorn scientists from Trottingham formed a circle, their horns glowing. Meanwhile Twilight and Zecora dutifully placed items into the center for long-range transportation.

"Rain clouds are... curiously warm in the daytime," Noir commented.

"Yup." Rainbow nodded, eyes locked on the experiment below. "That's convection for ya. Especially this time of year. The sun's heat can cause the clouds to heat up, bubble upwards, and generate more moisture—which leads to thunderstorms. So you and I might have to drain this cloud regularly in order to keep errant lightning bolts from frying our friends down below."

"Splendid," Noir droned. "Also, I had no idea that you were so meteorologically minded."

"Eh... it's about the only eggheaded thing about me," Rainbow stated. "You kinda gotta know your stuff if you wanna be a weather flier. Kicking clouds may look awesome on the outside, but it's all complicated and nerdy on the inside."

"I can only imagine," Noir said. "Have you ever kicked clouds at night?"

"Erm... to be honest, not a whole ton. Why?"

"Navigating the lower atmosphere is a great deal difficult with so many nocturnal creatures in the air."

"Hah!" Rainbow grinned. "Must suck to slam into so many bats while on the job! That'd have to be like running over your cousin or something!"

"That... is too grossly inaccurate to even acknowledge," Noir remarked. "But your attempt at humor is not lost to me."

"You're welcome." She blinked. "I think."

"This is a most curious experiment," Noir stated. "I feel honored to assist Zecora and Miss Sparkle in the matter."

"Yeah. But it can't be all too impressive to the likes of you."

A pair of slitted eyes blinked at her from beneath his hood. "And what do you mean by that, exactly?"

"Well..." Rainbow scratched her chin. "Twilight's always kinda sorta had a knack for teleportation. And, sure, it'd be nifty to fart things halfway across Equestria." She turned to smirk at him. "But still, that can't hold a friggin' candle to having a gate that can take you all the way through the cosmos to a random moon!"

"The doorways to New Saros are beyond the Lunar Code," Noir explained. "Only the Princesses have firm knowledge of how they work, and it must remain that way."

Rainbow arched an eyebrow. "You... make it sound like Luna and Celestia have a bunch more super mysterious doors to elseworlds that we don't know about."

"And what if they did?"

"Yeah, okay, fine..." Rainbow looked off with a sigh. "I ain't poking that with a ten foot scimitar."

"This mare who's closely assisting Twilight," Noir remarked. "I do believe I recognize her."

"Oh?" Rainbow looked at him. "You do?"

"She's the unicorn from Dredgemane, is she not?" Noir said. "The one that our agent in the field, Daring Do, wrote about."

"Oh." Rainbow's ears folded. "You do."

"All you needed to do in that town was retrieve the chaos shard that had been missing," Noir said. "And though Daring Do has no written records on exactly how you accomplished that..."

"Uhhhhhhh—"

"...she did mention that you had somehow found it in your heart to give Miss Lulamoon a new home, and a new life."

"Pfffffffffft!" Rainbow broke down, giggling. She beat the cloud repeatedly with her hoof. "Hah hah hah hah!"

Noir cocked his head aside. "Is... something amiss?"

"Snkkkt—Lulamoon?! Seriously?! That's her last name?!"

From down below: "Did somepony call for Trixie?"

"No! No no no no... snkkkt... hahaha..." Rainbow fought hard to clear her throat. "We're good. Just... floaty, floaty cloud, is all. Pffft heheheheh..."

"Hrmmmm..." Trixie pouted, then attempted to return to her note-taking. A nearby Zebra snickered slightly, and then the experiment resumed.

"Ahem. I'm sorry." Rainbow rolled over, smiling dumbly at Noir with her forelimbs curled up. "You were s-saying... hehe."

"I simply find it curious," Noir remarked. "You risked a lot by venturing to Dredgemane for the shard. And although you succeeded—by mysterious means, it would seem—you still somehow found the time to help a former acquaintance turn a new leaf."

"Yeah, well, the mare had kinda sorta lost her shack," Rainbow remarked.

"Regardless, it was selfless and bold, considering the limited resources at your disposal."

"Uh huh..." Rainbow tilted her head back and stared at the old castle upside down. "Your point?"

"Zecora's told me a lot about you."

"Erm... yeah?"

"About your career, your aspirations, but—most of all—your friends."

"... ... ...y-yeah?"

"It would seem that your Element of Loyalty has a great deal of literal meaning. You really would go above and beyond for your fellow pony, Rainbow Dash, as if everyone alive is your best friend."

"Mrmmmmm..." Rainbow stared aside, wings twitching. "I'm not exactly perfect."

"I doubt any of us will ever know what perfection is," Noir said. "But considering the lengths you've gone to procure these shards, to protect Equestria, and to ensure the harmony of your fellow equine beings, it would seem that perfection is greatly overrated." He glanced over. "Twilight, Zecora, and the others are quite fortunate to have you as a friend. I think I might even envy them."

Rainbow exhaled out her nostrils. As she gazed up at the sky, a sparkle came to her eyes. Her lips moved, as if producing six words from the blue.

"Did you say something, Miss Dash?"

She merely smiled, her eyes distant and pondering. "Just thinking..." She gave a happy sigh. "Been a while since I felt that cool."

"Then, I'm curious, why do you look vaguely melancholic."

"Cuz perfection isn't the only thing that's overrated." Rainbow Dash sat up, exhaling. "You're a nifty bat-dude, bat-dude. No wonder Zecora digs you."

"I don't understand. How would she be able to apply a shovel to my—...wait."

"Snkkkt-Heeheehee!"

"For the last time—"

"Hah! Give it up already, bat-dude!"

"Unnngh..." Noir face-hoofed.

"Heheheh... uhhhhhhh Luna's nipple..." Rainbow turned and gawked over the side of the cloud. "Friggin' port in a giant hydra or something already! Goddess!"

Zebratology

"Alright. Buffering complete!" Twilight Sparkle adjusted a set of goggles and looked across the chamber. "Ready?!"

"Ready!" Trixie saluted, levitating a clipboard as she and several other scientists backtrotted from the center of the room.

"Initiating!" Twilight gripped a lever attached to an array of manacrystals. "T-Minus five... four... three... two... one!" She yanked it.

FL-FLASH! Electrical sparks danced between the crystalline diodes. A lavender aura rose like a dome, covering several inert slabs of metal situated within the heart of the castle chamber. The dome increased in size and volume until it reached a maximum output. By then, the crystals were fluctuating wildly. Local wildlife in the Everfree Forest surrounding the old castle started chirping and bellowing in dismay.

"The intensity is too high!" Trixie hollered. "It'll overload again!"

"Right! You're right!" With a sigh of dismay, Twilight signaled the other scientists. "Turn it off!"

Several unicorns zapped the dome with magic, causing the energy field to dissipate.

All too soon, the experiment ended, with the lavender light receding like an ocean's surf. The metal strips in the center of the chamber rattled, rattled some more, but were then still.

Twilight slid her goggles up and seethed. "Shoot!"

Fwooosh! Rainbow Dash landed from the cloud above. "Another bummer, eh?"

"That's the third time in a row that the transportation spell has failed," Trixie said, shuffling forward. "Trixie was certain that we had accounted for all variables."

"Hmmmm..." Twilight rubbed her chin. "I was certain that the buffering would handle the mana discharge. But it almost seems as though we have too much magic resistance now."

"Perhaps we should lower the amount of manacrystals restricting the leyline expansion," said one of the Trottingham scientists.

"I've considered that," Twilight said with a nod. "But I don't want to risk a sudden outburst of mana." She pointed out one of the many shattered windows. "Wild or not, the Everfree is still a fragile ecosystem. I couldn't live with myself if we did something to damage that."

"Then perhaps this experiment shouldn't be performed so close to nature," Zecora said, trotting forward. "But instead in some form of self-contained isolated chamber?"

"That would be ideal, but no such laboratory in Equestria exists," Twilight said. "At least not on the sort of scale that we would need for this experiment. Hmmmm..." She paced in a circle, thinking aloud. "Maybe the Castle of the Two Sisters wasn't the best idea. But... a desert! A wasteland, perhaps, devoid of flora and fauna!"

"That would be most difficult," a scientist said. "The closest desert is hundreds of miles away, and it's populated by buffalo and pony settlers."

"Plus..." Noir flew in, hovering close to the conversation. "You would still need plenty of liquid water for your buffering system. Only a pegasus city such as Cloudsdale is equipped to transport moisture that far."

"Trixie thinks we're all giving into despair too swiftly." The unicorn tossed her ivory mane. "What this situation needs is more time and attention to the variables at hoof. We may yet be able to transport these materials."

"Our clever unicorn friend is right, and besides." Zecora looked at the others. "Sometimes to think out of the box, you must work from inside."

Rainbow smirked. "You know, Zecchy, you seem to be the wisest when your rhyming sucks."

"Hmmm..." Zecora smiled. "It's an off day."

Everypony chuckled.

"Hehehe... well, both Trixie and Zecora have a point," Twilight said. "It wouldn't be proper to give up on the experiment this early. It's just... a little disheartening when all of our attempts so far have proven to be fruitless."

"Just say 'I'm bored,' egghead," Rainbow droned. "It's okay."

"I'm not bored," Twilight said with a pout. "However, I am drained." She looked at the others. "I'm guessing the feeling is mutual."

"Indeed." One of the Trottingham scientists smiled. "It's getting late," she said. "Let us pack up our things in a safe, secure place and resume the experiments tomorrow."

"Zecora?" Twilight turned towards the zebra. "Will you be willing to assist us once more? I-I hate to take too much time out of your schedule."

"Please, dear Twilight." Zecora curtsied with a calm grin. "To turn my back now wouldn't be right. I want to see this project succeed as much as you. After all, there's so very much that proper teleportation can feasibly do."

"Then that settles it!" Trixie winked. "Come, Sparkle. The Great and Resourceful Trixie will show you the proper way to pack up laboratory equipment."

"Uh... okay!" Twilight nodded. She trotted after the mare, but not without looking back at the rest with an adorkable titter. "Uhm... excelsior! I suppose..."

Rainbow waved. Then, as the group split up to go to their separate stations, she turned towards Zecora and said, "Uh... Zecchy?"

"Mmmm? Yes, Rainbow?"

"I just want to say... uhm... thanks." Rainbow gulped. "For the potion and all. And for just continuing to be awesome. I... uh..." She winced, glancing aside with ears folded. "I know I-I don't deserve it."

"It's not about deserving, but more about preserving," Zecora said. "You've always been considerate of my heart, and that is the most important part."

"But... but if I cared about your feelings so much, then perhaps I would have told you sooner about—"

"We are birds of a feather, Rainbow, in that we're both afflicted." Zecora shook her head. "It'd be easier to break free if, to the sensation, we weren't so terribly addicted."

"Huh?" Rainbow blinked.

The zebra trotted over and rested a hoof on her friend's shoulder. "Love can be terribly blinding... and binding But it can also liberate the heart, as I am finding." She smiled. "Sometimes knowing that you can love is more precious than receiving, so long as one's self-respect you are not deceiving. For the longest time, I doted on the soul of one. But it's so much more joyful to share that love with every soul under the sun. My friends, my companions, all ponies true. Noir, and Twilight, and especially you."

Rainbow bit her lip as her cheeks turned a rosier shade of blue.

"All is good, my friend," Zecora said with a wink. "On bygones, let us not depend. Life is never too short so long as you serve in friendship's court." She trotted off to assist Noir in collecting her belongings.

Rainbow stood still for a while, drinking in the warm sunset over Everfree with a tranquil breath.

Almost Like Being In Love

"So, she's forgiven you, then?" Lancie remarked, squatting on the edge of Rainbow's bed. "No hard feelings and the like? No..." He shrugged. "...forty lashes from the Queen of Stripes?"

"Seems as though Zecora's figured out that having friends and having a happy life is more important than a silly crush," Rainbow said.

"Ah, well good for her." Lancie nodded, rubbing his stone goatee. "Is it... also good for you?"

Rainbow lifted her head from her pillow. "Huh?"

"You seem to value her wise mystical zebra counsel, so I only figured—"

"Hey. Zecora's Zecora, and I'm me. Different strokes and all. But that's not why I wanted to tell you about today."

"Well, why did you want to tell me about today?" Lancie remarked, folding his limbs. "Aside from the fact that I've got nopony else besides the dust bunnies to talk to?"

"It's because I wanted to share the fact that... that..." Rainbow squirmed until she curled up in bed, hugging herself. Her eyes were distant, but still warm. "...I felt so happy... so chill... and yet I was still the same mare. I think I felt it the most when I was sitting on the cloud with Noir."

"Why?" Epcot asked. "What happened then?"

Both mares sat in a claustrophobic vehicle as it rolled sideways through a magnificent dark ride.

"He was going on and on about how fortunate I was to have friends to be loyal to, not to mention such a swell life and... and..." Rainbow Dash sighed. "He was right, y'know? He was totally right. I kinda felt silly that I needed him of all ponies to remind me."

"So? Heehee..." Epcot hugged herself, leaning her head to the side as she gazed gently at the pegasus. "Reminders are never a bad thing."

"Perhaps."

"Tell me about what you felt."

"Pfft! I felt awesome! I felt proud! It's like everything about the moment and where I am and who I am just lined up like stars and... and it was schnazzy, y'know?" Rainbow gulped, turning to gaze at the cosmic light show they were gliding past right then. "And... uhmm..." She fidgeted in her dream seat. "...I-I only had one thought go through my head. Once I was absolutely certain that I was happy and content and just... joyful."

"Hmmmm?" Fluttershy looked up from where she poured food for Angel. "What thought was that, Rainbow?"

Rainbow gazed across the cottage. "...that I love Applejack." She exhaled calmly. "I love her. Absolutely love her. With everything I am." She smoothed her mane back, speaking in a slow, steady tone. "And just... knowing that... and feeling that... it's all part of it. Part of the joy. Part of being alive." She let loose a deep breath, her lips curving into a soft grin. "It's all good. Even if she doesn't love me back. Even if we'll never get to do more than talk to each other, buck apples, or protect the Elements of Harmony... as friends... it's all good. It's just... all... so very good."

Fluttershy smiled back at her best friend. A glimmer shone in her eyes. "It's a very good feeling, isn't it, Rainbow Dash?"

Rainbow's gaze tilted up, meeting Fluttershy's eyes full-on from across the cottage. "Heck yeah." She half-giggled. "It's gooder than good." She slowly shook her head. "It's almost like... I-I don't know why I ever stressed over it to begin with. I guess I thought I had to feel lonely. But now I don't feel lonely."

"What changed, do you think?"

"Just... I dunno... doing stuff," Rainbow said with a shrug. She laid on her back atop a windswept hill, gazing at the lazy afternoon sky. "The same as I've always done. It hasn't been so much distracting myself as... just... slowly reminding myself how awesome I am." She bore a tranquil smile. "All these months, it just had to catch up to me. And... now I think I can move on." She slowly tilted her head to the side. "We all gotta move on at some point or another, kiddo, but it doesn't mean we gotta be alone."

"But you'll still be alone with something," I said. "Isn't that right, Rainbow?"

"Hmmm?" She cocked her head to the side. "What do you mean by that, squirt?"

"Well..." I paced around her on the hillside. "You obviously feel a lot about this very special somepony, but it sounds like the both of you are still gonna be hanging out together. So... like... it's gotta be super weird to have to deal with something stuck in between you two." I shrugged. "Whenever I hang out with Apple Bloom, she likes to remind Sweetie Belle and I what her sister says: 'honesty is the best policy.'"

"Er... yeah..." Rainbow Dash looked back up at the sky. Her limbs shuddered. "Just... not always a painless one."

"Yeah, so?" I shrugged with a smirk. "You're Rainbow Dash!"

She looked at me again, blinking.

I giggled. "You can take it! Can't you? I mean... basilisks... diamond dogs... dream freaks." My wings fluttered victoriously. "You've faced them all and come out on top! What's to be afraid of, huh?!"

She stared my way. Slowly, a devilish smirk formed along her muzzle. "You know what? I think you're right, kid." She sat up, cracking her joints with a weathered sigh. "What's left to be afraid of anymore...?"

Write It; You'll Like It

"You could just trot up to her and... you know..." Lancie gestured with his stone talon. "Tell her. Tell her everything."

"Yeesh... no..." Rainbow sat up in bed, her ears folding back. "That ain't happening."

Lancie frowned, eyebrow arched. "But I thought you said that there wasn't anything to be afraid of anymore."

"It's not about me," Rainbow said. "It's about AJ." She sighed. "Can... can you imagine just how friggin' awkward that would be? For her? I mean, one moment, she's doing her chores on the farm... taking care of the family and all... and then suddenly her athletic mare friend drops down from the sky and is all like: 'Hey there, Applejack. I've spent the last half-year fantasizing about us snuggling to death in a big romantic fuzzball of joy and awesomeness. So... whaddya say?'"

"Even still," Lancie said, "Princess Frecklestan seems to appreciate the direct approach."

"Well, there's being direct and then there's being clumsy." Rainbow's nostrils flared. "I'm pretty sure I... don't have to worry about ruining her life or nothing, but that doesn't mean that I have to ruin her day."

"So... set it up, Sparky," Lancie said. "Tell her you wanna hang out someday. Then, when she's good and comfortable, just lay it all out."

"Yeah..." Rainbow nodded. "That might work even better."

"Set things up for a cool, tranquil evening."

"Hmmm... yeah."

Lancie smiled. "... ... ...set up a romantic dinner with plenty of candle light and incense."

"Mmmmmmmmyeahhhhhhh—NO." Rainbow snapped out of it, then frowned at the statue. "Friggin' no you Celestia-dang garden gnome!"

"Hah hah hah hah!" He bellowed.

"I'm not gonna expect her to gush all over me!" Rainbow sighed... then sighed again. "That's the last thing I'm gonna expect," she murmured, eyes cast to the side.

"Well, it helps to be either realistic or unrealistic," the granite serpent said. "There really isn't any in-between."

"I just... d-don't know how to go about this without it coming across as sudden... or startling, y'know?" Rainbow slicked her mane back. "I-I mean... Applejack's a strong girl, and she can totally handle all sorts of tough stuff. But this will... probably hit her in a way that she hasn't experienced before. I want to get it off my chest, sure, but it can't all be about me."

"Indeed..."

"And I wanna make sure that there's a... y'know..." Rainbow gulped. "A friendship that can be salvaged out of this... if... if n-nothing else."

"So... you want to tell her and yet you don't want to tell her."

"I want to tell her... but... nnnnngh..." Rainbow Dash covered her face with a pillow, moaning. "I can't bear for it to be face to face."

"Uh huh."

"I... I-I just know I'll melt in front of her. I'll collapse and be all stupid and gooey and..." She pulled the pillow off and glared at the ceiling of her room. "Goddess help me if I break down crying like a friggin' sap."

"Yes. Heaven forebid."

"There's gotta be a better way to tell her..."

"And to perhaps tell yourself."

Rainbow glanced at him. "Huh?"

"Think about it," Lancie said with a grin. "If there's anything that mortals enjoy..."

"...it's producing records," Epcot remarked. "Concrete manifestos and visual declarations."

Rainbow Dash glanced aside from where the two stood in the shadow of a flying castle. "You... you mean like writing something?"

"Heeheehee..." Epcot giggled. "I suppose you could paint Applejack a picture, but somehow that doesn't quite seem your forte."

"Funny..." Rainbow fidgeted. "My friend Lancie suggested the same thing." She blinked, then her muzzle curved. "Heh... my friend Lancie..."

"Hmmm?" Epcot tilted her head curiously.

Rainbow cleared her throat and faced the chaperone again. "But... y'know... I suck at writing."

"Who could possibly be terrible at writing?!" Epcot grinned. "It's simply a means of translating our thoughts, feelings, and imaginings!"

"Yeah, but not everypony can do it well," Rainbow grunted.

"Who said you had to do it well?"

"Buh?"

"The Cider Princess—inside and out—was all about honesty." Epcot smiled. "You're her friend. She obviously trusts and appreciates you. I'd say... write how you feel. Let her read it. If there's need for poetry or mirth, allow her to formulate it in her head. I suspect your honesty is the only instrument required to make music in her heart."

"Come to think of it... Applejack isn't much for reading either..." Rainbow sighed, rubbing a hoof over her face. "This is bad on double counts."

"Then... perhaps you are looking too much at the potential challenges," Epcot said. "When, instead, you should be looking at the natural benefits."

"Mmmm... like what benefits?"

"This can be indescribably therapeutic for a mortal such as yourself," Epcot said. "To formulate your thoughts... your feelings... your adorations." She winked. "Think of it as writing to yourself... and to your own heart. And then..." She pointed. "Share that heart with Applejack. Through your words." She stifled another giggle. "Plain and simple."

"Doesn't that seem a bit selfish."

"You bet." Epcot nodded. "It's love."

"... ... ..."

"I believe in you, Rainbow Dash," Epcot said. "I know you have what it takes to do this. You simply have to... do it. Write it. Manifest it. And then share that manifestation with Applejack. It will give her time to digest everything from your heart—feelings that are concise and sincere—and then she can respond on her own terms."

"Yeah... but... like..." Rainbow gritted her teeth. "Even if I leave this letter thingy at her front door... I-I'll have to wait Celestia-knows-how long for a response! If there even is one! All of that suspense, and for what?"

"Will it be any different than the way you've lived the past year of your life?" Epcot asked.

Rainbow could only bite her muzzle.

"The moment is yours, Rainbow Dash," Epcot said. "Remember what I've always said. Heehee... if you can dream it, then you can do it." She gestured. "And... now... you can share it."

Let's Start at the Very Beginning

A thin stack of parchment rested on Rainbow Dash's kitchen table. Off to the corner was an ink well and a quill pen.

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash sat on a stool before the table. Her eyes bore holes in the parchment. She noticed the quill in her peripheral vision, but she didn't make a move for it.

She sat perfectly still.

A clock ticked off somewhere, sending quiet echoes across the cold, gray room.

The mare's tail flicked and her wings twitched slightly.

Silence reigned, and no words came out.

With a heavy sigh, Rainbow hung her head.

"I tried writing once," I said, my muzzle scrunched. "It was awful."

"For realsies?" Rainbow glanced at me from across the sun-lit rooftop. "But... like... I thought you wrote the song for that... y'know... Cutie Mark Crusaders muzzle-paint show thingy." She gestured with a hoof. "The comedy act that the three of you did on stage?"

I cringed, avoiding her gaze. "It wasn't a comedy act..."

"Huh?" She craned a neck towards me.

I cleared my throat. "And besides... erm... Sweetie Belle helped out. A lot." I sighed, fiddling my hooves into the thick of the gold-thatched roof. "It was practically her song by the end."

"Yeah, well..." She smirked proudly. "Creative license! Am I right?"

"What does that even mean?" I remarked, giggling a little.

"Eh... I'm sorry, kiddo," Rainbow muttered, glancing at the horizon. "Sorry for pressing."

"No, I'm curious." I blinked at her. "Are you having trouble with that love letter that you're writing?"

"It's not a love letter!"

"Heeheehee... I thought it totally was!"

"It's more like... erm... a confessional."

"Isn't that—like—the same?"

"Err..."

"Cuz I figured it was all about all the feelings that you had for—"

"Confessional... love letter... tax report..." Rainbow grumbled. "Whatever it is, I can't frickin' get it started!"

"Why not?" I asked blinking.

"Just can't..." Rainbow sighed. "My heart's there, for sure, but... like... my stupid brain is in the way."

"Your brain's not stupid, Rainbow Dash!"

"Meh."

"Who else in Equestria can calibrate for wind and air currents in order to pull off the most awesome sonic rainboom?!"

"Meh meh."

I smirked. "And who can make the weather absolutely perfect when Mayor Mare asks for it?"

"That's just it, kid," Rainbow muttered. "Half of the times I do things, I can't explain them."

"You've explained to me how to fly," I said with a smile. "That's helped out a lot!"

"Yeah, but that's all you, kid."

"And it's all you too!" I pointed at her. "You're awesome and you know it! Maybe it feels so hard putting stuff into words because you're so used to living it! So? Live it on paper!"

"Live it... on paper..."

"Yeah!" I grinned. "And once your special somepony reads it, then they'll be living it too!"

Rainbow Dash winced. She rubbed the back of her neck hard and stared down at the parchment.

The parchment stared back at her.

The thunderous clock ticks shattered Rainbow's skull.

With a dull moan, she tilted her head back and slumped in the stool.

"Jee..." Fluttershy bit the edge of her lip. "I figured something like this would come easily for you."

"But it isn't!" Rainbow paced and paced across the cottage. "It just friggin' isn't!"

"But you love Applejack!" Fluttershy exclaimed. "You of all ponies know this!"

"Yeah... but... like... I live it!" Rainbow twirled about, gawking. "I breathe it! I sigh and I shout and..." She sniffled. "...I friggin' cry it."

"Awwww..." Fluttershy got up from her cushion, trotted over, and gave the pegasus a friendly nuzzle. "If you ask me, that was quite poetic right there. Why not write that down?"

"Because... whenever I try to process through words what I feel... and who I am... and who Applejack is to me..." Rainbow cringed. "...it all comes out sounding... lame." She gulped. "And stiff."

Fluttershy giggled.

Rainbow arched an eyebrow. "All of this super funny to you?"

"It's just that you're going about this like Twilight," Fluttershy said. "When you should be going about it more like Pinkie Pie."

Rainbow blinked. "Buh?"

"You're not writing some sort of essay, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy said with a calm smile. "This is a letter of endearment to the pony of your heart, yes... but it's also a story."

"A... story?"

Fluttershy pointed. "A story about you. A story about your heart. A story about your love." She grinned. "And it's a charming story... and an awesome one. Because its yours, and Applejack is at the heart of it."

"That's... kind of a nifty way of looking at it." Rainbow bit her lip. "But... how do I even begin?"

"Well..." Fluttershy paced about the cottage in thoughtful silence. She came to a stop before the sun-bright window, tapping her dainty yellow chin. Her eyes caught a sparkling glint, and she smiled in Rainbow's direction. "Whenever I think about my special somepony... whenever I think about Macky..."

"Pffft..." Rainbow rolled her eyes with a smirk. "'Macky.'"

Fluttershy went on. "I think about a lot of things. I think about his soft voice. I think about the sweet lingering scent of farm sweat in his mane when he leans down to nuzzle me. I think about how gentle his strong hooves can be when he helps me feed the animals." She sighed pleasantly. "But most of all..."

"Yeah...?"

Fluttershy's ears folded back as her cheeks went rosy. "I think about how we first met..."

Rainbow blinked.

Fluttershy leaned forward. "Do you remember how you and Applejack first met?"

Rainbow's eyes fluttered open.

She sat up straight on her kitchen stool.

The tick-tock of the clock dissipated, descending several fathoms away while the grayness resolved.

Rainbow felt a warmth spread through her chest.

She looked down at the parchment, and she saw through it. The gossamer strands of paper spread apart, and beyond it a happy thought floated her way, sprinkled with freckles.

The mare smiled.

A Very Good Place to Start

"Land's sakes!" A ridiculously drawling voice wafted over the orchards, followed by a heavy set of galloping hooves. "That sure was one whopper of a dive you done took!" The mare came to a scuffling stop, her breath panting. "Gallopin' galoshes! Look at you! Are y'all okay, Mister?"

"Guhhh... Missus," Rainbow Dash grunted, squirming at the far end of a deep trench that had been freshly plowed into the farm's soil. Her bent wings stretched and unstretched, checking for broken limbs. She tried the same with her forelimbs, but her hooves tingled with the onset of numbness. "Ugh... dang it! I took the stupid meds just this morning..."

"What's that, darlin'? 'Fraid I couldn't make you out."

"Look, whoever you are... I'm friggin' sorry." Rainbow Dash continued to squirm, her rear legs stuck in the muddy earth. "I was trying out my signature cloud-breaking move but the stupid winds... grrrrrr... nopony told me that the Equestrian Valley had gales!"

"Heh. I ain't no pegasus pony, but the weather dun regulate itself 'round these parts like it does up in Cloudsdale."

"How... did you know...?" Rainbow Dash winced, shaking her head. "Forget it. I gotta get back to my weather team or else the sky captain's gonna fire me on my first day. Freakin'..." She fought and struggled to yank herself out of the earth. "What's this mud made out of?! Seagull poop?!"

"Richest and most fertile earth in the whole kingdom! You bet yer colorful mane!"

"Yeah, well, at the moment I don't really care for it."

"Here, lemme help you out with that, sugarcube." The heavy footsteps plodded closer. Rainbow's nose tickled with the scent of apples and sweat. "What's yer name, speedy?"

"Mrrmmmfff... I'm fine, really. If you must know, my name is Rainbow Dash and—"

The mare's ruby eyes bulged as she was forcibly yanked out of the mud in one tugging motion. A stronger-than-strong hoof grasped Rainbow's limp fetlock, and suddenly she found herself staring into a golden face with a golden mane and even more golden freckles. A sheen of sweat gave the mare's toned muscles a picturesque shine, and Rainbow Dash found herself having to tilt her head up to meet the mare's gaze. A broad-rimmed hat shaded the stranger's muzzle, and yet a pair of emerald eyes reflected Rainbow's jaw-dropping expression with a nigh-mystical glow.

"Hmnmm? And what, darlin?" The richest and most motherly of voices wafted warmly from the farm mare's lungs.

"... ... ..." Rainbow exhaled, her wings spreading outward. "...it's my birthday."

Frecklemare Begins

"Just have yerself a lil squat, sugarcube," the mare said. "Rest up. You'll be good in no time."

"I'm fine," Rainbow said as she stumbled onto the farm house's front porch. "Thanks, and all, but I'm okay. Really."

"Y'all sure about that?" A pair of green eyes squinted her way. "That was quite the tumble you took."

"Eh..." Rainbow Dash brushed the dirt and mud off her front hooves—a relatively difficult task with the numbness settling in. "I didn't feel it. Believe me." She winced slightly, but nevertheless shook it off with a shrug. "Besides, I've had worse."

"Heh, no kiddin'. You look the athletic type." She tilted her hat back. "Reckon yer used to bumpin' and fallin' and gettin' back up."

"Hey!" Rainbow frowned. "I'm not that clumsy!" Her nostrils flared as she glared across the orchards. "Just had a stroke of bad luck in this town."

"Well, shoot, you'd be the first, then!" The mare chuckled. "I've been told that Ponyville's about the easiest, laziest place in all of Equestria. Erm... n-not that I'd know, of course. Eheheh..."

"Yeah. Sure." Rainbow winced, struggled, but was finally able to coil her wings at her side. With a firm exhale, she said, "Still... uh... s-sorry about your soil and all, Miss..."

"Applejack," the mare said with a proud smirk. "And dun lose yer colors over it, Missy. Ain't nothin' that a good rakin' or plowin' won't fix."

"You run this dirt farm all on your own?"

"Uhm... it's an apple farm," the mare said with a brief glare. "Sweet Apple Acres, to be exact. Everypony who knows anythang about Ponyville has heard of us and our produce."

"Well—pffft—buck me." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "I've only been here for a day."

"Eheh... do pardon me." Applejack slipped her hat off and fanned herself. The freckles were awash in a rosy sea. "Reckon I get mighty feisty when the pride of the Acres is on the line. I shoulda figured you haven't been here long."

"... ... ..." Rainbow stared at Applejack.

"Just why did ya leave a happenin' sky town like Cloudsdale anyways?"

"... ... ..."

"Erm..." Applejack plopped her hat back on her golden crown. "Did I lose y'all or somethin'?"

"Oh!" Rainbow wrenched her eyes off the mare's freckles, fidgeting. "Uhm... pffft... the ponies there were holding me back."

"Holding you back?! Pegasi?"

"Mmmm... yeah." Rainbow winced. Nevertheless, she plopped down on her haunches, gazing up at the cloudy sky. "I don't get why there's gotta be so many stiff rules and regulations with flying. Having wings is all about freedom, y'know? Why not show off if you've got the skills to spin circles around pillars of cloudstone?!"

"Dun think I can relate, but I feel ya, sugarcube."

"So then I heard about a climate exchange program and how Cloudsdale is working with outlying townships in order to improve Equestrian weather flying abroad. And... boom... I ended up landing here."

"Heh... landin' and a half!"

"Hey, watch it."

"Just joshin' ya, darlin'," Applejack said with a chuckle. "Well, you picked the best town in all of Equestria to get settled, wings or no wings!"

"Meh. Ponyville wasn't exactly my first choice."

"Oh?"

"It was... just convenient," Rainbow said with a shrug. "After all, my friend Fluttershy lives here and—"

"Ya mean to say that yer friends with Fluttershy?!" Applejack gasped. "Well, why didn't ya say so?!"

"Errr..."

"She's the best dang animal-whisperer I ever did know!" Applejack winked. "Why, she single-hoofedly cured our precious little Winona when the poor pup was on death's doorstep! I'd say that Ponyville's been in a good place ever since she moved into that cottage along the edge of the Everfree Forest!"

"Heh... yeah, she'll..." Rainbow sighed. "She'll have that effect on ponies." She gulped. "Brighten up your day and everything."

"Well, shucks, that's just fantastic!" Applejack grinned. "If both you and her are gal pals, then I'd say yer already a fine feathered friend of mine!" She playfully punched the mare's shoulder.

"Gah!" Rainbow winced heavily, immediately clutching her shoulder.

"Oh!" Applejack's ears folded beneath her hat. "Oh shoot. I'm so terribly sorry. I... I didn't realize you were sensitive there."

"Eheh... it's fine." Rainbow cleared her throat, rubbing her coat. "Usually I'm not."

"Land's sakes!" Applejack leaned in, glancing at one of two hoof-sized welts. "Yer bruised somethin' awful..." Her eyes narrowed. "Funny. I coulda sworn ya crash-landed on yer belly just a moment ago, not yer shoulder—"

"Uhhhhhhhhh..." Rainbow flapped her wings hard, taking off with a burst of wind. "I... uhh... I-I gotta go."

"Huh?" Applejack blinked. "But... what for? We was just startin' to hit it off. No reason to make like the breeze!"

Rainbow winced heavily at that last word. "Yeah, well... uhm..." Rainbow coughed, fighting a sore lump in her throat. "I've got clouds to kick. Y'know. Weather flying stuff. Very 'pegasus.' Very 'complicated.'"

"Riiiight..." Applejack smirked. "Y'all seem the speedy type. I bet you could make it anywhere in a jiffy."

"Which is why I gotta jet now, okay? It's been awesome, but I gotta go."

"Hogwash!" Applejack stomped her hoof. "It was my farm that done slammed into ya, wasn't it?! I'd be remiss if I didn't show you the full comforts of Apple Family hospitality!" She trotted briskly into the house. "Y'all wait right here now!"

"Ughhhh..." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Really. I gotta go! What's this about anyways, so we can get it over with?"

"Nothin', sugarcube!" Applejack's voice echoed from beyond the open kitchen window. "At least... not if yer stomach's hankerin' for nothin'!"

"Uhhh..." Rainbow blinked. "Stomach?"

A warm, deep chuckle emanated from the farm house. "That's the ticket, huh? Reckon it's true what they say about a pegasus and her metabolism."

"Mmmmm..." Rainbow Dash stopped flapping her wings. She landed on pensive hooves, lingering on the edge of Applejack's porch. "Fiiiine," she breathed. "I... like... appreciate it n'stuff. So long as it's nothing dense."

"Heh! Depends on yer definition of 'dense.'" Applejack came out, balancing a basket full of glistening red fruit. "Me, on the other hoof—I fancy usin' the word 'hearty.'"

"Jeee..." Rainbow Dash slyly smirked. "Apples. Who'd a thunk it."

"Buck up and eat up, sugarcube." Applejack winked and shoved the basket her way. "It's on the house." She chortled. "Literally!"

Whoa Nellyisms

"So... uh..." Rainbow Dash managed between munching bites. "You've been here a long time or...?"

"All my life," Applejack drawled with more than a modicum of pride. She reclined lazily on her front stoop with her legs kicked up. Tilting her brow up, she smirked Rainbow's way and said, "Been born to apple buck, live to applebuck, and I'm pretty sure I'll die apple buckin'." She winked. "Figured that was more than obvious by now."

"Well, I guessed that earth ponies were all about farmwork and all, but I didn't wanna... y'know... stereotype." Rainbow Dash glanced at the half-eaten fruit in her hoof. "But at least that explains how these apples are so Celestia dang good."

"Heh heh heh..." Applejack nodded. "I was about to say! Usually it leaves ponies speechless!"

"Oh, don't get me wrong." Rainbow smirked. "They're the best apples I've ever tasted! Just... I... uh..." She shrugged. "I'm kind of used to the taste of apples."

"They ship a bunch of them to Cloudsdale?"

"Oh, I guess I meant... erm... in bottle form."

"Well, fancy that." Applejack tilted her head aside. "Cuz we here at Sweet Apple Acres brew some of the finest apple cider in these parts."

"You..." Rainbow glanced the farm mare's way, eyelids fluttering. "...you brew cider from these?"

"You betcha."

"That... that seems criminal."

"Heh... well, we put lurve and care into each drop we make. That's how we make enough business to float year after year. That and the zapapples—"

"Wait..." Rainbow squinted. "You guys make zapapple jam?!"

"Once a year! Only place in Ponyville that's got 'em!"

"But... but I thought Barnyard Bargains—"

"—gets them from us! Nowhere else!" Applejack chuckled. "Whew-wee... boy, if Filthy Rich ever looked elsewhere, I dun rightly know what we'd do."

"That's crazy." Rainbow's voice cracked, "I thought this was a nowhere town?"

"Yeah, well, we dun aim to brag... too much." Applejack slowly stood with a confident sigh. "We just look after the farm and we look after each other. The rest—like Harmony—just sorta fills in the grooves, ya reckon?"

"Yeah, well, I didn't come here for Harmony." Rainbow nevertheless smiled. "But if produces apples like these..." She took a scrumptious bite. "Mrmmmfff... I ain't complainin'... mmmfff..."

"Heheheh... well, can't say all of them are for free, but I'm sure we can make an arrangement." Applejack winked. "If ya think you can find it in yer heart to spare us some extra rain clouds for the plantin' season, then I'll see about setting a bushel or two to the side for you and you alone."

"Wow... you'd really do that?"

"Dun see why not, partner. We're all in this Ponyville groove together, ain't we?"

"Sweet!" Rainbow grinned. "This place ain't half bad!"

"If ya dun mind me sayin' so..." Applejack tilted her hat forward with a knowing grin. "Sounds like you didn't set the bar too dang high."

"Well... I mean... earth pony farming town..."

"Yuh huh." Applejack droned. "What was all that earlier 'bout stereotypin'?"

"Look, let's not pretend," Rainbow said in a grumbling tone. "This isn't exactly Speedy Pegasus Central. I mean, sure, I followed my friend Fluttershy here... but she doesn't count. Heck, you'd have a greater chance of flying the southern birds home than she would."

"Then just why didja come here?" Applejack blinked. "You needed the weather flyin' job that badly?"

"Ehhhh..." Rainbow waved a hoof. "That's just a stepping stone."

"To what?"

"Pffft! To honing my skills so I can get noticed by the Wonderbolts, of course!"

"Beg yer pardon?"

Rainbow dropped the apple... along with her jaw. "You... you don't know who the Wonderbolts are?"

"Is that a crime?"

"You seriously never heard of them?!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "Ever?!?"

"I dun suppose they grow corn or potatoes, now do they...?"

"The Wonderbolts are the fastest expert stunt fliers in all of Equestria! They're... like... the friggin' most awesome pegasi who ever awesome'd!" Rainbow exclaimed, waving her forelimbs dramatically. "Well... almost. They haven't inducted me yet." She slicked her mane back. "But... ho ho hoooo... will that be the day!"

"Heh..." Applejack grinned. "Fancy yerself a showstopper, eh?"

"Hahaha!" Rainbow twirled twice in the air, summoning a brief gale that slid Applejack a few feet back on her hooves. "You can say that again! I was foaled for one purpose!" She winked. "And that's to steal the spotlight and make history! Cuz... somepony's gotta do it, right?"

"Heh... well, I wouldn't know anythang about that spotlight biz..." Applejack adjusted her hat with a sly smirk. "Unless yer countin' blue ribbons from the Equestrian Rodeo Games."

"Whozzawhat?" Rainbow blinked. "Blue ribbons? Rodeos?"

"Eeyup."

"I... I don't know much..." Rainbow gulped. "Only I hear that entering those things are super hard..." Her ruby eyes sparkled. "And dangerous. Like... lots of ponies die n'stuff. It's cool."

"Whelp..." Applejack leaned casually on crossed hooves. "Yer lookin' at the pony who's won the Best Rodeo Mare Champion Ribbon three years in a row!"

"No friggin' way..."

"Dun believe me?"

"How do you find the time? I mean... I thought all you did was buck apples!"

"Right. And gets me nice and prepared!" Applejack flexed a muscular forelimb. "Y'all see that?"

Rainbow saw that. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

"That's from years and years of hard work, every day, doin' chores and the usual grind. And the apple buckin'? Whew! I'd show you my hind legs too but..." She rolled her eyes. "I dun want ya to lose a head, sugarcube."

"Pffft." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "As if."

"Point is, this here town ain't nothin' to spit on," Applejack said. "There be loads'a'ponies fixin' to show off their stuff. So if you want competition in yer life to make ya stronger, you've come to the right place!"

"Heh... killer..." Rainbow grinned. "And by the time I've smoked everyone here in the dust, they'll have their work cut out for them!"

"Whew! That's some tough talk for a little pony!"

"Heeheehee! Yeah! I—wait." Rainbow squinted. "'Little?'"

"Well, I didn't wanna use the word 'petite,'" Applejack said. "Sounds awful condescendin'-like. Besides, them's one of Rarity's words."

"Rarity?"

"Oh boy, best I let you discover on yer own." Applejack chortled. "Y'all want a pony you can smoke in the dust, she's yer first candidate."

"Well, I'm not about to shoot fish in a barrel! So you're a rodeo champion, huh?" Rainbow Dash dragged her hoof along the ground. "Let's test your mettle."

"Er... in what way?"

"A race, that's the way!" Rainbow motioned with her head. "To the entrance of Sweaty Oven Acres and back!"

"Sweet Apple Acres," Applejack said, stifling a laugh. "And, sorry, sugarcube, but no can do."

"Hah!" Rainbow smirked. "I knew you were all talk! Or, in your case, drawl."

"Huh?" Applejack blinked.

"Pffft! Some rodeo champion!" Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "If you back out from a little race—"

"Oh, if you wanna race, we'll race," Applejack said with a grin. "Just, not today."

"Why the heck not?"

"Well, if you must know, my lil sister shows up from school in the next few minutes. And that's when I gotta start preparin' dinner for her and my brother and Granny Smith. Wouldn't wanna do any of that while sweaty or short on breath. That's why I wasn't doin' no chores when you slam dunked yer skull into my grounds 'bout ten minutes ago."

"Huh..." Rainbow Dash blinked. "Well... uhm..."

"But in the mornin'? Especially the wee hours? Woo!" Applejack grinned, teeth glinting. "You bet yer bottom bit I'll race y'all into the ground!"

"Well, how about tomorrow morning, then?"

"Yer on!"

"Shake on it?"

Applejack spat on her hoof and held it forward.

Rainbow mimicked the gesture, and the two clopped their fetlocks together. "Heh..." Rainbow grinned. "I like your style, Applejack. Too bad you got family chores to weigh you down, or else you'd be a regular iron pony for sure!"

"Heh... ya say that as if havin' family is a burden."

"Uhhh..."

"'Cuz y'know what I just said about the daily grind?" She flexed a forelimb again. "Doin' my chores and gettin' stronger day by day? Well, havin' my family is more than half of that," the mare said. "And if it weren't for them, I wouldn't even have a single blue ribbon."

"Yeah... but..." Rainbow's brow furrowed. "Don't you ever wanna be your own mare? Go out there and... own some chumps n'stuff?"

Applejack shrugged. "I dun rightly see what I got to prove. So long as I stick by the ponies I lurve and care about, then all's right with the world. Heck... I dun even need the ribbons in the end. They're just a darn good bonus. Heh..." She smiled. "Dun tell me pegasi in Cloudsdale have no need for family or close relations."

Rainbow Dash was already battling a lump in her throat. She glanced to the side while a tingling sensation lingered in her forelimbs. "Uhhh... sure. I mean totally. Who... knows where I'd be without... without my—"

"Well, the way I see it..." Applejack's hoof rested on Rainbow's shoulder. Despite the bruises there, the strong limb's contact was anything but painful. In fact, there was a motherly gentleness in the way she gently kneaded the mare's coat, almost as if she was stroking the ache away. "...I made a new friend today, and friends are as good as family, especially in this town." A green-eyed wink, warm and wholesome. "So dun yer worry none. If y'all wanted a place to become calmer... even awesome, then ya came to the right place."

Rainbow Dash looked up at her, muzzle agape. She had to clear the scratchiness from her voice before she could breathily utter: "Eheh... cool."

Seguejack

"I gotta get up pretty early in the morning," Rainbow said, trotting out onto the dirth path that cut through Sweet Apple Acres in a swath. "Cloud kicking business and all."

"Oh yeah?" Applejack slowly trotted alongside her. "At what time?"

"Eleven."

"Pffft... sure, alright," Applejack chortled, trying not to roll her eyes.

Rainbow squinted at her. "...what?"

"Just that one pony's definition of 'early' differs a mite bit from another's, I reckon."

"There are no plows in Cloudsdale," Rainbow droned. "Cuz there's no dirt."

"I dun mean no offense," Applejack said, nevertheless chuckling. "But just wait 'til they're fetchin ya at six in the mornin'."

"No way..." Rainbow blinked. "Six?"

"This is Ponyville, sugarcube," Applejack said. "Ponyvilleans are gonna get up early."

"Whew... well, I guess I'm gonna need a morning pick-me-up," Rainbow stammered.

"Then y'all should stop by Sugarcube Corner before ya head in for yer shift," Applejack said, pointing in some nebulous direction towards town. "They've got plenty of treats and drinks that'll get ya perky as a frog clingin' to a stampedin' bull!"

"Minus the country tongue twisters, I'm guessing," Rainbow said with a smirk.

"Uh..." Applejack tilted her chin up. "I do believe the correct term is 'countryism,' thank ya kindly."

"Heheheh... Sugarcube Corner. Okay. Cool. Thanks."

"Just be on the look out for Pinkie Pie."

"Who?"

"The cafe owners' niece." Applejack winked. "She's quite a doozy of a personality. But, that bein' said, she'll wake ya up!"

"I... will keep that in mind. And... uhm..."

"Hmmm?"

Rainbow Dash smiled. "Thanks for the apples... n'stuff, y'know?"

"Nothin' to it, sugarcube." Applejack winked with a smile. "It's the least we can do for y'all. Ponyville's hospitality is the Apple Family's hospitality, after all."

"Heh. Okay. I'll try not to crash land in any peach orchards by accident next time."

"Heh. Better not." Applejack took her hat off and waved. "Welcome to the neighborhood, darlin'."

"Yeah, I'm feeling it." Rainbow Dash spread her wings to take off.

"And Rainbow Dash..."

She turned to look back.

Applejack smiled. "Happy birthday." She slapped her hat back on, turned around, and trotted back to her farm house on even, well-toned limbs.

Rainbow Dash exhaled calmly. Once Applejack's gaze was turned away, a rosy smile crossed the pegasus' fuzzy cheeks. She clamped her lips shut, pivoted about, and took off for the tree canopy beyond.

All the while, she fought the urge to giggle like a stupid bag of idiots.

Rainbow Dash's ruby eyes opened.

The candle on her desk had melted halfway.

A thin stack of paper sheets still rested in front of her, along with a quill pen and ink well.

She stared straight forward.

A warm smile cover her face.

Scooting forward, she eagerly picked up the pen, pivoted the first sheet of parchment around, and began scribbling her words down.

"'Dear... AJ...'"

The Letter to End All Letters, Two

Thwack!

Applejack bucked a tree hard, causing its many apples to cascade into a series of baskets below.

The mare was a panting, sweating mess. However, with poetic grace, her strong muscles swam through the heat and labor of the day, shoving the basket towards another tree and positioning it under the thickest bounty of fruit.

Before continuing, Applejack paused. Her mane had come loose from its ponytail. So, with sudden feminine grace, she reached her sweaty hooves back and plucked the red tie loose. Holding the scarlet band in her muzzle, she twirled the golden strands together, then threaded them through the tie, restoring her ponytail to beautiful normality.

Then, completely oblivious to any ruby-eyed gaze above, she marched her way towards the next tree, swiveled with a grunt, and kicked it.

For over a year now, I've been horribly, terribly, awesomely in love with somepony. It's somepony I know very closely, a pony I see almost every day. It's a pony who takes all the craziness in the world and somehow gets it to make sense, because that pony is like an anchor to it all... an anchor to me.

I know what you're probably thinking: "Who's the lucky stallion?" Well, it's not quite so simple, and this is where I hope you don't get too freaked out, but if you do... then I guess you really can't be blamed. I'm not as honest as you. In many ways, I've been living a lie... a "lie of omission" as Rarity or Twilight might call it. Please understand that it's not because I've wanted to deceive you and the other girls. Heck, for all I know, it's probably a total see-through thing and everypony knows the obvious truth without saying it to my face. But... the only reason I've kept mum about it all this time is because I care for each and every one of you guys—my friends, I mean, and the last thing I've ever wanted to do was make you feel creeped out or awkward... though I guess there's no real need to. Whatever.

Anyways, long story short, I've never digged stallions. I never have. They just don't... do it for me. I mean, I've tried to figure out what other mares see in ponies of the opposite sex, but it... really hurts my brain... and... uhm... other parts. Ugh... it's stupid trying to explain it like it's some friggin' math problem. Basically, I just can't like stallions. It doesn't compute with me. They're just so... bone headed and egotistical and boring. That's it. Super, super boring. Not like mares. Every gal I've ever known has had—like—onion layers of interesting stuff to them. In personalities... in charisma... in life goals... in curves. Holy smokes, the curves. I mean, not like there's nothing to dig about stallions, I guess. I just don't get it, and I won't ever bother to get it. Not like most mares. In fact, the only stallion I ever truly loved was my dad. But... but I won't be getting into that. At least not right away.

Jeez, I know this must seem like a lot of stupid rambling. But please trust me, okay? I'm... I'm going somewhere with this, AJ. I promise you.

The Letter to End All Letters, Three

"Haah haah haah!"

Applejack nearly fell out of her chair.

A few patrons glanced across the Canterlot cafe, squinting quizzically at the guffawing mare.

Calming down a bit, the mare wiped a tear out from the corner of her eye and gazed across the table. "Oh Rainbow... eh heh heh heh..." She raised her cider glass. "I swear... sometimes you are a real hoot, sugarcube. I can't believe you actually bucked that stallion sky-high last night just to catch him and show off to the Wonderbolts! Whewww-wee..."

She took a hearty sip, exhaled, and leaned back with a warm breath.

"Whoah nelly... sometimes I wonder what would happen if I was as wild and fancy free as you, darlin'..."

I know I probably don't show it much, but... I've been through quite a few rough patches as of late. I mean, I can manage. I can always manage. You don't have to worry about that. In fact, you don't have to worry about anything. All you have to be is you. Because you're an inspiration to me, Applejack.

I mean it. I really do. When I first met you, I was surprised at how strong and confident and badflank you were... I mean... for an earth pony farmer. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Only, I used to think that committing to a life of apple bucking and cattle rustling was... pretty much suicide. I mean, what's so fun and awesome about doing farm labor every friggin' day of one's life? There's no excitement, no way of showing off, no way of grabbing the spotlight.

But, like, that's when I realized that there was more to life than being the center of attention. Spotlights are nice and all, but who's paying attention in the long run, anyways? Who's the audience? Is there even an audience?

Someday, when we all die, all we're ever really going to be measured by is just how much we've impressed the ponies around us. And—like—I can't even begin to remember the names of the Wonderbolts roster from ten... twenty... or thirty years ago. But, like, who even bothers? We all know they were famous—at least at one time—so unless they, like, flew around the world and rebooted the dying earth or some crap... then what's to immortalize them? Famous, awesome ponies get their chance and then they sorta fade away. And why not? We all live our own lives with our own friends and our own desires. Legacies only spread so far, and sometimes they don't spread at all.

But you? Everypony in town knows and respects you. Every single soul in Ponvyille knows who the one true iron pony is. And if a day should come that you're no longer around, you'll still be with us, because I totally see moms and dads raising their foals to grow up to be just like you. Because they know that your way of living is the awesome way. Because you don't even try. You don't even bother with showboating or theatrics because... that's all just fun and games, right? But you're real. You're so dang real and you don't care about it one bit, because you're too busy being you.

Does that make any sense? I mean... I'm awesome, sure. But I want everypony to know that I'm awesome. I... don't think there was ever a time in my life where I tried being awesome for awesome's sake. Lately, in a way, that's been changing. I've done a lot of crazy cool stuff, only without the luxury of being able to brag about it. And I think the only reason I've ever come close to getting to where I am now is because... because I've had a really cool pony show me just how it can be done.

That pony is you, AJ. You were the iron pony long before I ever cheated and snagged the title from you. That's right. I said it—I wrote it. I cheated. Only because I knew that—in the end—I simply couldn't measure up to you. And for a moment there, that scared me. It freaked me out that somepony could be so awesome and so confident that they didn't even have to get there through trying. They just had to be alive... they just had to be true... they just had to be honest.

I've been living a lie for a very long time. A lie to myself. A lie to my friends. And a lie to you. But I want to change that, here and now. I want to change that by being honest... by being honest with you... my best friend... my anchor...

The Letter to End All Letters, Four

"Ain't that smell wonderful?"

Applejack tilted her head up, nostrils flaring. A warm Fillyda breeze blew at her golden bangs. She reached a hoof up to adjust her hat and resumed trotting down the dirt highway, pulling the wagon full of cider crates behind her.

"So many flowers down here in these sub-tropical parts," she said with a freckled smirk. "Celestia help me. If I had allergies, I dun know what I'd do. And to think there are ponies in this world who are allergic to apples. Heh! Can y'all even imagine such a thang?"

She turned her head aside, her emerald eyes reflecting a fuzzy blue face.

"Reckon I'm a lucky mare, Rainbow," she said. Then, with a delicious wink: "And I'm even luckier to be spendin' such a lovely day with you, partner..."

This pony that I've been secretly in love with... this awesome mare...

She brings me a lot of joy, but she also brings me a lot of sadness.

The joy comes from just basking in her presence, drinking in how beautiful and strong and sexy she is.

The sadness comes from knowing that no matter how awesome I try to be or how much I improve myself, she lives in another world, and I doubt I'll ever be good enough to be a part of it.

And... you know what? That's okay. That's fine. You'd think it would break my heart to write such a thing, but I can manage. I'm used to managing a broken heart. It's... not something I like confessing to most ponies, but I'm sharing it with you.

I'm sharing it with you so that you know—no matter what happens, no matter how weird or how awkward things get—I'm a happier pony today than I was yesterday. I'm happier because I'm starting to figure out how the world works, and I think that's just one step towards figuring out you... towards figuring out how to be like you—a best friend and an awesome, honest mare.

In the last few months, without even trying, I've learned what it means to be loyal. It's a freakin' selfless thing, and it means putting your nose against the grindstone, oftentimes not being able to partake in the fruits of your labor. And I'm starting to wonder if that's what it's like to live on a farm. You barely enjoy even a shred of the profit you make from your bounties. But that's not the point, is it? It's all about what you do for your fellow ponies, for your family, for your friends.

We're all placed on this world to improve the lives of others. And I think I'm starting to get that. I'm starting to actually get what it means to be loyal to everypony and everyone. But I'd be lying if I said that understanding came out of nowhere. Instead, it branched out of something, a single source, a tiny warm nub in the center of that heart.

Because in the end, as in the beginning, there's only been one pony and one pony alone that I've desired to be loyal to. And by doing everything I can for her, I've learned to be loyal to everypony. And now—at long last—I think I'm starting to learn how to be loyal to myself... and to love myself, not in a boastful and bragging way, but in a healthy way... a way that will keep this heart from staying broken, so I can lock in the love that I have for this mare who has meant so much to me and has transformed my life inside and out.

And that mare is you, Applejack. I love you. I love you more than anything.

The Letter to End All Letters, Five

Across Twilight Sparkle's bedroom, all of the mares sat chatting and chortling. A purple Canterlot night hung outside the draped windows.

While the friends blinked off the exhaustion from the previous day's Gala recovery, a pair of ruby eyes peered across the sea of sleeping bags.

Curled up in the corner of the room, her golden bangs softly illuminated by a lightning bug lantern, a country mare slept. Her lips hung open, and her freckled nose wriggled once... twice. There was a momentary twitch to her ears, and then her body was still—save for the gentle rise and fall of her lithe form, brought on by angelic breaths.

I love you, Applejack.

I love you.

I love your integrity. I love your strength. I love your ease at achieving awesomeness. I love your courage and your tenacity and your fearless athleticism.

I love the way you defend everypony without question, even when it might seem lame to others. I love how you risk your neck for your fellow mare. I love how you can do so many amazing things without a horn or a pair of wings to help you—just your guts, your guile, your wits.

I love the color of your coat. I love the golden fullness of your mane. I love your muscles and your hardened fetlocks and your bold rear legs.

I love your eyes—how so much softness can be carried in such hard-chiseled shapes. I love how they reflect me—and only me—whenever you look my way. I love them when you are happy and even when you are mad, because they are still your eyes.

I love your freckles; I wish I could dive into a sea of them. I wish I could drown in your laughter. I don't care if your voice sounds low or if your country drawl could dredge the lengths of the Ghastly Gorge. It only goes to show how much depth and maturity and mystery there is to you. When I think of your voice, I feel it in every square inch of me. I imagine I'm nuzzling my cheek to the bosom of the Earth herself, and she's happy and loving enough to sing me to la-la land with even the simplest of phrases.

I love how dedicated you are to your family, because it teaches me every day that no matter how many trophies I get—I could still stand to be better. I love that you are dedicated to bigger things, more precious things than even I can comprehend. I love that you sacrifice so much and deserve even more.

I love the fact that you inspire me. Simply by being you. Simply by showing me that it's possible to be perfect in this world, even if perfection itself is oblivious. I've loved the fact that you haven't known all this, and now that you do know—I still love you. Because I am certain that, even if I've freaked out every living inch of your soul with these words, there's a part of you that will still forgive me, that will still love me back, as a friend, as a sister, as Applejack, as the way things have always been and should be.

But that will never change the fact that—no matter what happens or the way things go—I will only ever love you more.

The Letter to End All Letters, Six

Down on the farm, Applejack trotted over to where Apple Bloom sat. The little filly was wincing, clutching a freshly scabbed right forelimb.

Squatting down, Applejack opened a first aid it and pulled out some disinefectant and a bandage. With gentle, sisterly grace, she cleaned and covered Apple Bloom's tiny wound. The little filly clenched her teeth the whole time. Even once the ordeal was over, she was having a hard time containing her tears.

Applejack saw it, and she only smiled. She leaned in and rested her chin atop Apple Bloom's head, meanwhile her right forelimb scooped the foal towards her.

Apple Bloom sniffled, letting loose a tear or two. Still, once she was in Applejack's embrace, she smiled—and buried her face softly into the older mare's chest.

Applejack hummed a gentle little melody, and its harmonic notes reached as high as the treetops above Sweet Apple Acres.

It's a love that keeps me awake in the daytime and snuggles me warmly at night.

It's a love that makes every tear worth shedding and each laugh worth waiting for.

It's a love that knows no shame, no regrets, even when life is dark and dreary because I'm far away from you.

When the problems pile up and my future looks grim, I just imagine that I'm talking to you... listening to you... seeing you. Everything instantly warms up. The shadows melt away. I've dreamt awesome, scary things. Awesome because they make me wake up with a smile. Scary because I didn't know my brain was capable of being so sappy. But I suppose that's what a mare gets for having her brain attached to her heart... and my heart's stolen by you, Applejack.

It's stolen by the way you smile, the tone in your voice, the air of authority that just sticks to your strong muscles like dew drops on an apple's skin. It's stolen by how safe I feel when you're in the same room as me, and how the scent of cinnamon lingers in the air even an hour after you're gone.

I hear you speaking so kindly of your friends, calling everypony "sugarcube" and "darlin'," finding ways to be endearing in the midst of how friggin' strong and cool you are. So often I've wished... I've longed to be the center of such attention, such loving and sisterly adoration. All the trophies and Wonderbolt uniforms in the world wouldn't come close to stacking up to a single hoof-bump from you, or a friendly nuzzle, or—Celestia help me—a cuddling hug.

I treasure the idea of being somepony you might care for. Somepony you might love. To be held or loved by you would mean the world to me, because—in the arms of the best pony there ever is—it would absolutely, finally make me feel like a winner. And oh how I wish I could win you. Win your respect. Win your love. And just what would be the trophy, then? Not you, because I wouldn't be worthy of claiming that, or brandishing it. But if somehow the world could see—if all of Equestria could see—that I was yours. That I belonged to you. That I deserved to be called your own. Your very special somepony. Your very own "sugarcube."

It's so much to dream and long for... but I know it's just me. And you are just you. And I'm sharing all of these things with you now—not because I want or expect these things to happen. I just want you to know... I need you to know what it is that has made me get past the rough patches in my life. I want you to know that you don't have to do a single thing for me, Applejack, but that I will always be indebted to you, regardless.

The New Awesomeness

At last, Rainbow Dash placed the pen down onto the desktop.

She leaned back in her seat, rubbing the crook of her hoof and wincing slightly. Meanwhile, her ruby eyes traced and re-traced the thick paragraphs of words that had been sprawled over the parchment overnight. All but one ink well had been dried completely.

A deep sigh rolled through the mare's lungs.

"Finished at last, Sparky?"

Rainbow tilted her head to the right.

Lancie perched nonchalantly on the corner of a kitchen counter. He perked up at soon as her gaze met his. "I said your name a few times earlier... but you quite literally heard nothing, did you?"

"I... uh... I guess I was in the zone," she said with a slight chuckle. "How much time has gone by?"

"All of the sleep time," he said, smirking. "For all we know, you just dreamt up the entire essay you made."

"Heh... yeah." Rainbow nodded. "Maybe then it'd be only fitting?"

"Any second thoughts?"

"Those melted away a few hours ago," Rainbow said. She stood up, stretching her legs before trotting across the room and grabbing an envelope. "Luna poop. I've flown into steep canyons full of quarray eels and still felt less frazzled than I do now."

"It's never too late to change your mind."

"Lancie, don't even friggin' go there," Rainbow grumbled. "This is do or die time."

"Wowsers." He blinked, watching as she folded the parchment up and slid the sheets neatly into the envelope. "You're really going through with it, aren't you? After long last?"

"That depends..."

"On what, Sparky?"

Rainbow smiled. "If licking the yucky envelope kills me." She dragged her tongue across the adhesive as prophesied. Almost immediately, she shuddered, her face scrunching from the bitter sensation. "Eyeeughhh..." She sealed the thing. "Still alive."

"Now what?"

"What else?" Rainbow took a deep breath, twirled about, and bravely faced the front door to her house. "A crazy new brand of awesomeness..."

But Of Course

Step by step, Rainbow Dash trotted up the grassy hill.

The scent of apples wafted over the waving blades of grass, tickling her nose.

The mare clenched her teeth shut. The ends of her limbs were starting to tremble—but perhaps it was for the best. It shook the shivers away.

At last, with a glare of sunlight flashing across her vision, she reached the top of the hill.

"Just what are ya gettin' so worked up over?!" Applejack turned around, gazing quizzically across the cloudy mists. "Yer name is practically plastered all over this competition! You've got this in the bag, sugarcube!"

"What's the friggin' point?" Rainbow moaned, pacing in tight circles before the competitors' entrance of Cloudsdale Stadium. Even beyond the thick cloud stone walls of the building, the two could hear the thunderous roars of the pegasi crowd gathered for the Best Young Fliers Competition. "Rarity's gorgeous wings give her a huuuuuge advantage!" Rainbow's voice cracked as she squatted down, gnawing on her right hoof. "Grmmmfff... It doesn't matter how much I've practiced! They're just gonna root for her and I'm gonna make myself look like a friggin' fool!"

"Pfft! Ain't no such thang!" Applejack smirked viciously. "Rarity's all flare but no substance! Celestia knows what's gotten into that hussy's head, but she ain't got nothin' on you!"

"But... but..."

"Like she even knows how to wow a crowd of feathered ponies! Hah!" Applejack tilted her hat forward, green eyes glinting. "This is her first rodeo! Literally! But you—"

"Ugh..." Rainbow spun around, her tail flicking. "Just forget it! This is... this is a total disaster waiting to happen." She shook her head, trotting off. "I don't even know why Twilight dragged the whole bunch of you here."

"Pardon me, sugarcube, but..." Applejack raised an eyebrow. "...this dun sound like you."

Rainbow Dash came to a scuffling stop against the cloud bed. She slowly turned around, glaring. "No offense, AJ... but you don't know a darn thing about me." Rainbow suddenly flinched.

Applejack crossed the distance between them. She rested a hoof on her shoulder, smiling calmly. "This... I know... and it's the honest truth." She leaned forward until her eyes were even with Rainbow's. "You've got what it takes to win everythang you set yer heart to, Rainbow."

"I..." Rainbow's lips quivered. Her ears folded as she struggled not to melt before the mare's gaze. "...you really think so?"

"I know so," Applejack said, grinning. "Honest to Goddess..." She crossed her heat, then ruffled the mare's prismatic mane. "Wouldn't be polite to steer ya wrong, ya reckon?"

Rainbow finally exhaled. "No..." She pushed her bangs up, smiling stupidly. "Eheheh... I reckon not..."

Applejack winked. She then stepped aside and pointed straight into the competitors' entrance. "Now get yer blue butt in there before I whoop it red!"

"Ahem." Rainbow Dash galloped straight past her. "Ma'am! Yes, Ma'am!"

Applejack looked on. She exhaled through a calm smile, adjusted her hat, then trotted off towards where a pink balloon rested several cloudbanks away. "Twi! Pinkie! Let's get ourselves some swell seats, y'all!"

Sweet Apple Acres stretched green and glistening before Rainbow Dash.

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash took a deep, deep breath. She reached into her saddlebag, rummaged around, and made contact with the envelope. She was about to pull it out, when...

At first, it came as a light tickle to the edges of Rainbow's ear hairs. Then, it rose in pitch, quite sharply too.

Rainbow's heart stopped. She craned her neck, turning towards the farmland stretching below.

In the distance, a familiar red barn loomed, and beside it a farmhouse. A few colorful shapes had gathered at the side entrance. One was squatting on her knees beside a limp shape, writhing with each undulation of an uncharacteristically high pitch.

Rainbow forced herself to stop breathing. She leaned forward, muzzle agape.

At last, with horrifying clarity, Applejack's howling words reached the winds above her: "...help! Somepony, anypony, help! My poor little sister's dying! She's pale as snow!"

The sobbing tone in Applejack's yells was enough to shatter Rainbow Dash twenty times over. The mare panicked, and her first instinct was to launch herself forward. Her leg got tangled with the pouch of her saddlebag, and she fell flat on her chest. Not even wasting time with a pained grunt, she wriggled, and rolled, and finally ripped herself out of the saddlebag's riggings. The let the satchel drop like a stone before her as she rocketed down the hill and glided between the rows of trees.

Loyalty To the Rescue

Rainbow flew so fast that her vision had to adjust for the sheer momentum of the landscape blurring past her. Before she knew it, she was descending upon the side of the farmhouse. The whole Apple Family was there, but Rainbow's gaze locked immediately on Applejack, on her quivering muzzle, on her streaming tears.

"AJ!" Rainbow managed without realizing she had a voice to throw it. "AJ, what's wrong?!"

An orange face twirled, and Rainbow saw two haunting emeralds bathed in tears. Almost instantly, life returned to Applejack's face, carrying with it an intense fire kindled by her voice. "Oh Rainbow! Rainbow Dash, praise Celestia!" Applejack bent her head down, nuzzling a limp piece of yellow fabric. Two gasps later, Rainbow Dash realized it was Apple Bloom—or at least what used to be her. A waif of a filly draped in Applejack's forelimbs, her eyes bloodshot and her muzzle foaming all over with pink saliva. The sight was so instantly startling that Rainbow nearly lost track of Applejack's next words: "—didn't even scream or nothin'! One moment, she was trotting out to do her chores, and the next moment I saw her lyin' here all sick-like! Oh Goddess... Goddess alive, spare my p-poor baby-y-y-y sisss!"

"What... what..." Rainbow realized she had imagined the previous two utterances. She had to clear her throat hard to find the strength to verbalize: "What even happened?! I mean..." Rainbow squinted, spotting two red dots leaking out of Apple Bloom's right rear leg. "...is that a snake bite?"

"Ain't like no rattler I've ever seen," drawled Granny Smith. She was suddenly there, and her limbs shook as she struggled to avoid the sight of Apple Bloom. "This thang had the colors of a burning Timberwolf. Kinda glowed too."

"It... that..." Rainbow looked all over. "Did it come from Everfree?"

"Dun make much a difference now," Granny Smith said. "Big Mac dun stomped it into a bloody mess."

"Eeeeeyup," grumbled the big stallion, marching nervous, angry circles around the scene.

"Where... where did it—?" Rainbow began.

"T'ain't important, Rainbow!" Applejack barked with such severity that it nearly knocked Rainbow off her hooves. The pegasus glanced across the way to see a frowning face chiseled in the center of a waterfall of tears. "Apple Bloom's burnin' like a flame on the inside out! She dun react to our voices or nothin'!"

"What..." Rainbow Dash gulped hard, standing tall and strong. "You need me to get help, r-right?"

"Please... Rainbow... darlin', you just have to!" Applejack sobbed, cradling the little filly's body close. "Use yer fast wings to zip into Ponyville and fetch Nurse Redheart! Anypony who knows a lick of medicine!" She choked on a sob while Granny Smith gently caressed her shoulder. "Fly like you've never flown before! I'm beggin' you..."

"Right. Stay right here!" FWOOOOOOSH!!! Rainbow Dash took off so hard that she caused the weathervane atop the nearby barn to spin nine times. She swiftly left a distraught, tearstained family behind.

Breathless...

Panting...

Rainbow rocketed towards Ponyville central.

Everything was becoming clear.

Even as she broke the edge of Sweet Apple Acres, she could make out the clock tower, the wind mill, and town hall.

And then, suddenly.

Rainbow Dash stopped dead in midair.

Her tail and mane hairs whipped forward, ultimately anchored by her trembling body.

"... ... ..."

She fidgeted in midair... fidgeted some more... then swiftly pivoted ninety degrees.

FWOOOOOOSH! The mare soared straight into the Everfree Forest, following the break in the tree canopy that she knew would lead her directly to Zecora's hut.

The force of her wingburst blew at the grass below, knocking a discarded saddlebag over. A white envelope fell out, caught itself between a nestle of weeds, and gently... uselessly shook in the breeze.

Hidden from sight.

Appledashery

Yes. Yes, I know.

For what it's worth, I was groaning in anguish myself when Rainbow told me all about it. Granted, I was very much distressed at the time, but for other... somewhat obvious reasons. Ahem.

Truth is, nopony expected what had happened. It was as random as it was unfortunate. Looking back, I'm rather surprised none of us died of a Celestia-forsaken heart attack.

I suppose that's what's super special about Rainbow. In any circumstance—shocking or not—she found ways to keep her cool. I suppose it's because she knew exactly where her heart was, and who it belonged to. With that out of her mind, it was easy for her to selflessly fling her own self to the rescue.

And fling herself she did. Oh boy Rainbow did. And just when you thought Rainbow had done it all, along came an adventure that showed how much she was willing to do the impossible...

If it meant that the heart of the mare she cared for remained unbroken...

==Part Seventeen: A Heart That Blooms==

==Part Seventeen: A Heart That Blooms==

"Lunar spices?!" Noir's fangs showed in an incredulous gasp. "Miss Zecora, surely you jest!"

The zebra chuckled from where she squatted, stirring a bubbling cauldron of brew. "Still, dear friend, History suggests that you and your kind would have use for the incense!"

The stallion adjusted his hood, snorting indignantly. "Of all the ridiculous generalities!" He pivoted about, glaring into the corner. "Just because I'm a member of the Lunar Code does not mean that I'd give into such ancient frailities!"

"Is that absolutely so?" Zecora winked. "I heard that lunar spices gave off a most delightful glow!"

"Hmmmf! I'll have you know that no sarosians have harvested lunar spices in several eons!" His slitted eyes peered angrily across the hut's hazy interior. "The last time it was ever used was to satiate the anxious denizens of the Lunar Empire, and we have long evolved well beyond such primitive and blind barbarism!"

"But surely you don't need Nightmare Moon to scoop such a powerful ingredient with your spoon!"

Noir groaned, face hoofing.

With a chuckle, Zecora said, "I'm quite serious, my friend! Lunar spices could put thousands of ponies on the mend! Why not consider turning a vice from the past into a medicine that can last?"

"We no longer possess the resources to fly ourselves to the moon on our own," Noir said in a groaning tone. "We'd need the Elements of Harmony to even consider such a venture."

"Well, I am on good terms with Twilight and her kin. Perhaps we can arrange some teleportation?"

"Unnngh..."

Zecora chuckled again, returning to her brew.

"I'm beginning to think that our good friend Rainbow Dash has rubbed off on you to quite a degree," Noir droned.

Just then, a light series of hooves landed just outside the hut's door.

"Well..." Noir smirked. "Speak of the devil."

"Do come in, Rainbow," Zecora threw her voice. "Let's commune while we're all a'glow—"

WHUD! Rainbow Dash unceremoniously bucked the door open. She stood in the frame, sweaty and wheezing. "Zecora!" Her gaze flickered across the hut. "Noir! Friggin' score! I need you guys super super badly!"

"Is that a fact...?" Noir's midnight muzzle scrunched in curiosity.

Rainbow took a bold step in, wide-eyed and gasping: "It's Apple Bloom! She's dying!"

Th-Thunk! Zecora instantly dropped her ladle. Spinning about, she gaped at the pegasus. "By the shadows—little Apple Bloom!" She stumbled forward, hoof raised. "She has befallen some doom?!"

"I came as quickly as I could! You g-guys have gotta come see!" Rainbow pointed out the hut with a shaky hoof. "Sweet Apple Acres! Pronto! Bring your mystic zebra and bat pony wizardry... n'stuff!"

"Rainbow... do calm down..." Noir trotted forward, his leafy ears spilling out from underneath the hood. "Take a deep breath. Now..." He leaned forward, slitted eyes narrowing. "...this Apple Bloom. She is...?"

"Applejack's little s-sister!" Rainbow's voice cracked.

"Yes. Never mind that. Tell us." Noir's fangs glinted. "What kind of trouble is she in?"

"She... her..." Rainbow shuddered. "A snake bite!"

"What kind of snake?" Noir asked.

"I... I-I didn't see it!" Rainbow gulped. "The Apples described it as 'glowing' and 'colored like timberwolves!' Please, guys! You gotta come! Apple Bloom's foaming this nasty gunk from her mouth! You gotta fix her up! You just gotta!"

Noir and Zecora exchanged swift glances.

"'Glowing...?'" Noir mouthed. "'Colored like timberwolves?' A green luminescence? Sounds Tartarusian."

"Tartarunan adflavi?" Zecora tapped her chin. "It can't possibly..."

"Perhaps then Occidan reptilicus?"

"No, it is not even remotely native to this land." Zecora gulped. "Still, we mustn't allow our speculation to get out of hand."

"Right." Noir nodded swiftly, trotting across the hut. "I'll grab my satchel. You gather your things and join us as soon as you can." He turned and looked at Rainbow. "I'm guessing Apple Bloom's at her family's farm?"

"Er... yes! Yes she is!" Rainbow blinked wide. "Aren't you both coming?!"

"I'll need every tool in my possession if I'm to achieve true venom extraction," Zecora explained. "You and Noir must make like the wind; on your swiftness I depend."

"You heard the shaman," Noir said, shoving Rainbow out of the hut. Once outside, he flapped his wings and lifted off. "We must prepare Apple Bloom for Zecora's work."

"Right! Sure thing!" Rainbow soared after Noir. She turned and hollered down at the distant hut. "Applejack's farm house, Zecora! Right beside her red barn! You can't miss it!"

"Rainbow Dash—" Noir's voice growled, ahead of them.

Rainbow flapped her wings to catch up. The started clearing the trees.

"You said the filly was foaming at the mouth..."

"Yes! Yes she was!" Rainbow squeaked.

"Any particular color?" Noir asked.

"Uhm..." Rainbow gulped. "A nasty pale pink color. Like salmon froth."

Noir's slitted eyes shrank instantly.

Rainbow saw it. "What... what is it, dude?!"

"Blessed Luna..." Noir's fangs glinted as he broke the tree line and sped towards the distant orchards. "This is most dire."

Rainbow blinked. A misty haze formed between them, accompanied by a hissing noise. It took her eyes a bit of darting around before she realized that ashen smoke was rising from the sarosian's exposed wings and neck. "Luna Poop!" She pointed in mid-flight. "Noir, your... your c-coat!"

"Keep flying, Rainbow," the pained stallion grunted, flapping his wings harder as he braved the torturous sunlight. "We must make haste! For Apple Bloom's sake!"

Rainbow clenched her jaw shut, nodding. Silent as a stone, she darted ahead, leading her companion to where the Apple Family ponies were huddled.

Part Seventeen: A Heart That Blooms
(Where Rainbow Dash set off on her wildest quest yet)

Snake Charmer

Big Macintosh's ears flicked. "Hrmm...?" He looked up from where Applejack cradled a limp Apple Bloom. His eyes reflected two figures gliding in over the orchards.

"What is it, fella?" Granny Smith turned around—immediately flinching. "Aaaaaie!" She held a limp forelimb over her wrinkled brow. "Celestia have mercy! First snakes, now bat ponies!"

"Granny, it's okay," Applejack managed, lifting her head up. "It's Zecora's friend. From the forest." She sniffled, rubbed her cheek, and looked over. "Rainbow? I... I-I thought you were gonna go get—"

"Trust me, AJ," Rainbow said, touching down. "You'll get no better help than this. Zecora's coming as soon as she can." Noir trotted briskly past her.

The sarosian adjusted his cloak and knelt before Applejack. He raised a hoof, pressing it to Apple Bloom's forehead. His dark brow furrowed. Leaning in, he used is leathery wing tips to pry one of the filly's eye open. Pink mucus leaked from the bloodshot edges. Nostrils flaring, he leaned back and looked at Applejack.

"How long ago did this happen?" he asked.

"Uhm..." Applejack sniffled, shivering. "Couldn't have b-been more than half-an-hour ago. Please tell me you can save my baby sis, Mister..."

"Noir," he exhaled. "And that remains to be seen." He ran his hooves down her leg, then turned it about so he could study the two fang marks. "Hrmmmm... twelve millimeters apart... definitely looking like Tartarunan adflavi. The phlegm discharge matches known records..."

"Known records?" Applejack's teary eyes twitched. "Known records of what?!"

"One thing at a time, madame." Noir adjusted Apple Bloom in the mare's grip. "Keep her wounded leg below the rest of her body."

"O-okay..."

"I need somepony else to hold her steady," he said, reaching underneath his cloak. He produced a tube that ejected a tiny sterilized blade. "Right now."

Rainbow reached in, squatting beside Applejack. She gripped Apple Bloom's shoulders while Big Mac and Granny Smith looked on. "Like this?"

"Now... remain absolutely quiet," Noir said, lowering his hood. He winced slightly as his ear lobes were exposed to the sunlight. "I have to be able to hear her reaction."

"Reaction?" Applejack stammered. "Reaction to what?" She observed Noir bringing the blade closer to Apple Bloom's upper fetlock. "Ya ain't gonna hurt her, are you?"

"Please... silence..." Noir said. "I need to know if I can ellicit a reaction." That said, he concentrated, then pricked the filly lightly.

"...glkkkt..." Apple Bloom's ears twitched and her tail flicked slightly.

"Oh Celestia..." Granny Smith gasped.

"Good..." Noir exhaled. "Paralysis hasn't set in. There may still be time." He gulped hard, leaned in, and pressed his tongue to the cut he had just made.

Applejack opened her mouth to say something but Rainbow Dash gave her a look. Nervously, the mare chewed her lip and watched.

After a few seconds, the sarosian leaned back. He swirled his tongue around in his mouth, slitted eyes darting left and right, then spat into the grass. "Mmmf... no venom I've ever tasted before..." He reached into his satchel, rummaged for a few seconds, then produced a tablet. "Water. Now."

Big Macintosh bounded off. Within seconds, the heavy stallion returned with an enormous horse trough. Granny Smith scooped some water up in a canteen then hoofed it over to Noir.

The sarosian took it. He placed the tablet into the filly's foaming mouth, then poured water between her lips. He then forced her mouth shut and looked at Applejack. "Keep her mouth shut. Make sure she swallows."

"What... what did you j-just give her?"

"Something to slow her heart rate," Noir explained. "Zecora will be here shortly, and she might be able to sustain her further."

"Might?!" Applejack's teeth showed. "But... b-but our little Apple Bloom is dyin'! We need to save her life! Not sustain her!"

"That depends on whether or not we can make an antidote." Noir stood up. "Where is this snake?"

"Ya mean what's left of it?"

"Please." Noir nodded. "It is very important that I take a sample from what's left."

"It's over by the barn," Granny Smith said, pointing. "Thattaways... but..." She glanced over at Big Macintosh. "Macky done showed it what's for..."

"Excuse me." Noir stood up, galloping towards the barn. "Big Mac. Rainbow Dash. Your assistance."

Both ponies darted over, joining Noir.

"I need to see the snake," Noir said. "Can you find it for me?"

"Where'd you stomp it last, big guy?" Rainbow asked.

With a heavy snort, Big Mac glared towards the edge of the barn. He pointed at a disturbed patch of dirt. However, as soon as he glanced, he made an awkward expression.

"What's the matter?" Rainbow asked. She turned to see that Noir was already there.

"It didn't die quite so quickly," Noir said. He hovered directly above the dirt, flapping his wings slowly enough to not disturb the swishing tracks. "Looks like it slithered on towards some destination. Good. If it's still freshly bleeding..." He turned the corner of the barn, his slitted eyes darting about. "...a burrower." He lifted his head back, exposed his fangs, and darted straight into the ground.

Rainbow and Big Macintosh winced. As the dust cleared, they leaned forward for a better view.

Noir's skull was embedded deep in the ground. He wriggled and shook, then finally lunged backwards—yanking loose a lengthy strip of scaled meat. The snake fell onto the ground between them, limp as a noodle. Noir immediately shook the dirt off and trotted over.

"Hmmmmmf..." He sneered, "Nightmare's Helm... There's barely anything left of him." Schiiing! He unsheathed a sudden dagger emblazoned with lunar etchings. "I have to see if I can salvage even a scant bit of his venom glands."

"You want more venom?" Rainbow exclaimed. "What for?"

"An antidote, of course," Noir said, already starting to carve the reptile open. "Though, such will be a difficult task, as I suspect I am the first living pony in centuries to dissect such a creature."

"Why?" Rainbow's voice cracked. "What the heck is it?!"

"A Tartarusian Venomancer," Noir said. "You can tell that to Zecora." He suddenly lifted his head and produced a loud chirp in the direction of the barn. His head stood still while his leafy ears stuck straight up. A blink or two later, he said, "She's about twenty meters away right now. I'll bring what I can to her. Tend to the filly."

Just then, Rainbow could hear Applejack's shouting voice: "Zecora! Zecora, over here!"

Rainbow Dash bit her lip, then flew back towards the house. She arrived just as the sweating zebra galloped up, dragging a wooden cart full of potions and medicinal tools.

"Forgive me for being late," Zecora wheezed. "How is the filly's fate?"

"I... I wish I knew!" Applejack whimpered. "Yer night flyin' friend... he gave her somethin' to slow her heart beat. Said she wasn't paralyzed yet. Is that a good thing?"

"That depends, my friends." Zecora unhitched herself from the wagon and trotted over. "Just what kind of bite has put us into this plight?"

"Zecchy," Rainbow said, landing next to her. "Noir told me to tell you it's a 'Tartarusian Venomancer.'"

Zecora gasped. She stood stock still, and for a moment it looked like she had lost all of her black stripes.

Rainbow bit her lip at that. "That's... that's super bad, huh?"

"We must get her inside," Zecora firmly said. "And by all my skills we will abide." She gestured. "Quickly, we must make haste. There is no time to waste."

Make Like a Snake and Leaf

Five frantic minutes later, Apple Bloom was being laid out on the Apple Family's living room couch. Granny Smith tried lying a blanket over her, but Zecora interrupted by blocking with her hoof.

"I know you wish to give her care," she said. "But what Apple Bloom needs now is air."

The zebra moved in, propping several pillows under Apple Bloom's body so that her upper half rested higher than her lower half. The little filly twitched in tiny spasms, and pink foam still lingered across her muzzle.

Zecora saw it. She whipped out a glass tube and—with use of a metal file—scooped some of the saliva up and stored it in the container. She placed a tiny cork on it and set it aside.

"What good is that?" Rainbow asked.

"All remains to be seen. Now, Apple Bloom's blood we must clean." Zecora looked over her shoulder. "My tools."

"Macky?!?" Applejack called out.

Almost on cue, Big Macintosh came bursting through the front door, hauling the entire wooden cart of Zecora's belongings over his flank. He stomped into the living room on heavy hooves and plopped the thing down by the fireplace.

Zecora rushed past Big Mac and immediately rummaged through her cart, grabbing several random potions. "Shadows guide me. I must go about this delicately."

From afar, Rainbow watched. Her eyes glanced at Big Mac, then back at Zecora. It was as though they were both worlds apart.

"Mmmm... sweat of a manticore... and phoenix tears..." Zecora poured several potions into the same jar, causing a purple cloud of smoke to billow up into the ceiling. "This will not cure her, but it will allay our fears." She added a final ingredient, and the potion began shimmering with a magical shine. She then rushed over and poured a little of it over Apple Bloom's chest. Murmuring incantations, she applied the salve, and Apple Bloom's spasms grew more and more apart.

"What..." Applejack sniffed, still rubbing her cheek. "What are ya doin' now, Zecora?"

"It's simply to ease in her breathing," Zecora said. "Her lungs, the venom is leeching."

Applejack fought another sob. "Oh Celestia..." Granny Smith held a hoof on her shoulder.

With a growl, Zecora glanced at the windows. "Noirrrr?!" She swallowed a lump down her throat. "I need... need..."

"'Without the antitode, that's all she wrote?'" Rainbow remarked.

"You are not the shaman here," Zecora blunted. "I do the talking and you lend your ear."

Rainbow winced, ears folding back. "Sorry..."

"I may need you to summon Noir if he is not here in—"

FWOOSH! Noir arrived in a black glide. "I have the gland!" He landed next to Zecora. "Most of it."

"Good. Then you must tend to the filly." Zecora grabbed a bloody wad of tissue from the sarosian and rushed back to her cart. "I shall work up an antidote in a jiffy."

Noir squatted by the sofa, cradled Apple Bloom's upper limb, then pressed his fanged mouth to the tiny cut he had made minutes before. Tasting, he spat onto the floorboard and hissed, "You must hurry, Zecora. The venom's spreading. And fast."

"Of this, I am most aware," Zecora muttered while she laid out a sheet of papyrus and spread herbs and medicines across a sample of the snake. "Let us be glad she is in our care."

"But... but..." Applejack fidgeted where she stood. "This is gonna cure her... r-right?"

"Miss Applejack," Noir spoke. "I cannot emphasize this enough. The Tatarusian Venomancer has long been considered extinct."

"Ya mean they're all supposed to be dead?!" Granny Smith's eyes narrowed. "Then how in blazes did one of 'em end up on our farm?"

"I cannot pretend to tell, but I noticed something peculiar in its blood while I was extracting the gland," Noir said.

"Like what?" Rainbow asked.

Before Noir could answer, a series of hoofsteps rolled in through the front entrance.

"Uhhh... AJ?" Stu Leaves stepped into the living room, carrying a bundle of sticks. "Hey AJ. I... uh... I got the special firewood you requested from the Harvest family. But... uhm..." He blinked at the scene. "What in Celestia's mane is happening here?"

"Stu!" Applejack exhaled. Her body quivered, and she had to lean on Granny Smith for support as she fought another sob. "Oh Stu... it's awful! Plum awful!"

"Huh? What is?!" Stu Leaves dropped the logs and galloped into the center of the room. He gasped—skidding to a stop—at the sight of the dying foal. "Apple Bloom!" With a grimacing expression, he turned towards Rainbow Dash. "Rainbow...?"

"She got bit by a snake," Rainbow said. "A very, very nasty snake."

"Goddess..." Stu's ears folded back. "Then... th-then we have to get Nurse Redheart in here! The doctors from Ponyville Central!"

"We already got Zecora," Applejack said, wiping her tears dry. "She's the best there is—"

"We could use all the help we can get, actually," Zecora said. "It's quite possible that this is beyond Noir and me."

"Be... beyond you?" Applejack asked, shivering.

"As I was saying," Noir spoke. In the comfort of the indoor shade, he lowered his hood and gazed seriously at the Apple Family. "The blood of the snake was bubbling slightly, not to mention giving off a faint bio-luminescence."

"Bio-luminescence?" Applejack wheezed.

"Yes. Faintly." Noir nodded. "A sign of recent leyline entanglement."

"Leyline... entanglement?" Stu remarked.

Rainbow blinked. She then winced. "You mean the snake was just teleported?"

"That's a possibility," Noir said. "Or enchanted. Or even conjured. Only a full autopsy would tell for certain, but we can't afford to do that right now." He pointed at Zecora at her cart. "What we need is a swift antidote to stave off the Venomancer's bite."

"Right!" Stu nodded, already galloping for the front entrance. "And we can use all the help we can get!" He gasped, for he was being shoved speedily out the door.

"You go fetch Redheart and the hospital ponies," Rainbow said, then took off alongside the stallion as the two glided over the ochards. "Me? I gotta make a stop by the library."

"Huh?! The library?!" Stu gasped, then smiled. "But of course! Twilight Sparkle! She can make a magic spell to help us!"

Rainbow bit her lip.

Stu gulped. "Or... not...?"

"I'm super... super afraid that it's the other way around, Stu..."

Lavender Scientist Syndrome

"Impossible!" Trixie snarled, her cheeks red. "Trixie checked and re-checked every facet of the experiment! So did the pony assistants from Trottingham! So did you!" She pointed a shaking hoof. "You were there with Trixie!"

"Look, I know I was there!" Rainbow exclaimed, standing across the library. "But..." She glanced aside. "Could it be possible that we overlooked something?"

Twilight Sparkle's muzzle still hung agape. Her lavender coat was a few shades paler than normal.

Rainbow leaned forward, waving. "Psssst. Twi...?!"

"I... I-I..." Twilight gulped. "Anything is possible, Rainbow..."

"Twilight!" Trixie gasped at her. "Surely you can't believe that what we did at the Castle of the Two Sisters caused—"

"We chose the center of the Everfree Forest because we felt that the location was distant enough from civilization to not cause harm to other ponies," Twilight said. "What we didn't take into account is that the true nature of the Everfree Forest may have interfered with the experiment."

"Interfered with the experiment?!" Trixie growled. "In what way?"

"Look... calm your cloak," Rainbow muttered, waving at Trixie. "I'm not attacking you two or your egoes." She gulped. "I'm just trying to figure stuff out so we can help Apple Bloom. All of us."

"Apple Bloom..." Twilight held a hoof over her muzzle while her eyes watered. "I... I can't believe it..."

"Twilight..." Rainbow leaned in. Her limbs were starting to tingle, but she ignored it and said, "Just what is the essence of the Everfree Forest?"

"Why..." Twilight blinked. "Chaos, of course."

"Hmmph!" Trixie folded her forelimbs.

"It's factually true, though!" Twilight dragged a board over and drew a sketchy map of Ponyville and the neighboring forest with a stick of chalk. "Centuries of experiments confirm that this world is inherently chaotic. However, the essence of life manifests harmony which resists chaos. This is what allows our world to survive with a sun and moon in what is otherwise a chaotic ether—"

"The Clop Notes version, egghead, please," Rainbow wheezed. "Nopony asked for a doorstopper."

Twilight drew several overlapping circles across the map. "Equestrian civilization functions by magic—and all ponies have magic: earth, unicorn, and pegasi. Even in small amounts. However... there are parts of this world that form impenetrable bubbles over time because harmonic resonance has not been present long enough to set a new paradigm." She pointed at a large gap between the circles. "The biggest known 'bubble' in our continent is Tartarus. And it possesses a chaotic field so strong that it bursts into remote, outlying areas... one of which is the Everfree Forest..." She turned and gave Rainbow a worried glance. "...where nature runs unchecked by ponykind."

"Funny you should say that." Rainbow pointed. "According to Noir and Zecora, the snake that bit Apple Bloom was a Tartarusian Venomancer."

Twilight leaned back as if dealt a massive punch. "A Tartarusian Venomancer?!"

"Wait..." Trixie squinted at the board. "Is Trixie to understand that the Everfree Forest can act as an escape route for denizens of Tartarus?"

"It... it's been known to happen," Twilight remarked, still dazed. "Uhm..." She brushed her bangs back. "Timberwolves... hydras... manticores—they're all descendants of beasts that once roamed Tartarus only to have bled through the nebulous pockets between the underworld and Equestria." She gulped and glanced Rainbow's way again. "Only... a Tartarusian Venomancer?!?"

Rainbow nodded. "That's what they said."

"But... they've been extinct for—"

"For forever. Yeah. I know." Rainbow nodded. "But somehow, one landed on Sweet Apple Acres soil. Noir, Zecora's sarosian buddy, thinks that it was teleported there. He said that its blood was enchanted and bubbling when he carved the gland out."

"They're trying to form an antidote?" Trixie asked.

"Yeah. As we speak."

"Hmmm... Trixie will try to help out any way she can." She looked over at Twilight. "Sparkle?"

Twilight sniffled, her eyes boring tearful holes in the ground. "The... chaos must have reacted to our manafeedback. The buffering system wasn't enough to contain the leylines. We... we caused this..." She looked up, muzzle quivering. "I caused this! I-I killed Apple Bl-Bloom!"

"Whoah whoah whoah... girl." Rainbow placed a hoof on Twilight's shoulder. "Let's not jump to conclusions."

"What's to jump from?" Twilight bit her lip. "It's the only logical assumption."

"I didn't friggin' come here to blame you, Twilight. I came because I need your help." She pointed out the window. "Stu Leaves has gone to grab Nurse Redheart and as many other doctors as he can. Then he's gonna swing by Fluttershy's cottage to borrow her freaky knowledge on forest critters."

"Of course Trixie and Sparkle will help in any way we can!" Trixie nodded at her mentor. "Right?"

"I... I-I..." Twilight choked on a sob.

"Look, I can't book well," Rainbow said with a growl. "So dry your weepy eyes and come with, Twi! Right now, we need Ponyville's resident egghead. The egghead!"

Trixie cleared her throat.

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "And the egghead's sidekick."

"Eh..." Trixie waved a hoof. "Good enough." She hollered over her shoulder. "Spiiiiiike!"

Just then, Twilight awoke from her funk. "No, Trixie! Rainbow's right!" She stared at the mare with a hardened gaze. "Whether or not our experiment caused this, it's up to me to undo the damage. So let's do this my way, alright?" A few seconds passed. She hollered over her shoulder. "Spiiiiiike!"

The Richest Mare in Ponyville

When Rainbow Dash returned with Trixie, Twilight, and Spike to Sweet Apple Acres—the farmstead had transformed entirely. The pegasus fumbled in place, her jaw dropped as she gazed at dozens—if not over a hundred residents gathered outside the Apple Family home. Stu Leaves had arrived, and not only had he brought with him a heavy hoof-full of medical experts, but it would appear as though a concerned congregation of Ponyville's finest had gathered as well.

First off, Rainbow spotted several of the neighboring farm families. The Carrots and the Harvests and a few other groups that Rainbow scarcely recognized were gathered in a tight circle, talking to a serious-faced Granny Smith on the front porch. Applejack's grandmother spoke calmly, her wrinkles gathering tighter with each worrisome minute that trudged by. Daisy and Roseluck had also shown up, looking sad-faced as they held a bundle of flowers—each. Just as Rainbow arrived, she could even see Mr. and Mrs. Cake trotting up from the road leading into Sweet Apple Acres.

In the meantime, Trixie and Twilight galloped to the front entrance. They humbly greeted Granny Smith, and the elder swiftly waved them in. Both bolted into the house like bullets—with Spike not that far behind.

At this point, however, Rainbow's eyes were locked on a different sight altogether. She looked past Cheerilee and the town Mayor to see Rarity standing close to Fluttershy. While the two mares talked, Rarity squatted low, comforting Sweetie Belle with several gentle strokes to her mane and back.

"I d-don't understand...!" Sweetie Belle whimpered. Her tears flowed like rain until she buried her muzzle in Rarity's shoulder. "Why'd this happen?! Apple Bloom didn't ask for a snake to bite her!"

"It's unfair, darling, I know," Rarity cooed, gently nuzzling the filly. "It's a fabulous world... but also a dangerous one. The best we can do now is give your friend some healthy support and hope for the best."

"But... but it's so wrong!" Sweetie Belle hiccuped. "She'll never live to meet her special somepony! She'll n-never get her cutie m-m-marrrk!"

"Now now... don't say that." Rarity bore a briefly stern expression. "We mustn't give up hope. For Apple Bloom's sake, we must be strong, dear."

Sweetie Belle could only sob in response.

"Oh you poor thing..." Fluttershy delicately smiled. "There there. Don't be afraid. Apple Bloom will be okay in the end. Nature has its poison—yes—but it also has its cures! I've rescued many a tiny animal friend from snake bites and they've lived to be healthy mamas and papas!"

"Even... even..." Sweetie Belle whimpered and wheezed, teary-eyed. "...even from snakes as strange as this one?"

Fluttershy bit her lip, ears folding. "Well..."

"Mmmm-waaaaaaaaaaiiiieee!" Sweetie Belle howled again.

Rarity sighed, hugging the filly close. Clearing her throat, she glanced up at Fluttershy with moist eyes. "I'll take care of this, Fluttershy, dear. You... uh... you should probably go and—"

"Right." Fluttershy nodded. She sniffled and turned towards the house. "I'd better give him company. Ohhhhh... the poor softy. I just know he's tearing himself up on the inside."

Rainbow stared with a lump in her throat. Wings flapping, she flew towards the mare on an intercept course—

"Rainbow!" Sharp Quill gasped, suddenly in her face and breathless. "I came as quickly as I heard!"

Rainbow winced, braking in midair. "Uhhh... you did, did you?"

"Yes!" He nodded, wide eyed. Within seconds, Blossomforth and Candy Mane hovered down by his side. "I'm so sorry for what's happened to your friend's kid."

"Uhm... it's her sister, actually."

Wincing briefly, Sharp Quill nevertheless said, "Is there anything... anything I can do?"

"That we can do!" Candy Mane insisted.

"Uhh... yeah, actually." Rainbow's gaze hardened. "Give us some cloud cover. But no rain."

"Cloud cover?" Thunderlane blinked. "I mean... sure, Rainbow! But... with how grim stuff is lately, you sure you don't want some bright sunshine?"

"One of the ponies who's working hard to save Apple Bloom's life is a sarosian."

"A what?" Candy Mane blinked.

"A bat pony," Sharp Quill growled over his shoulder. "And if a dark sky is going to help him work better..." He nodded firmly in Rainbow's direction. "...then a dark sky he's going to get."

"Dang straight." Thunderlane nodded, then bolted skyward. "Candy, let's go!"

"On it!" Sw-Swoosh! Both pegasi took to the air.

"I'll... uh... come help in a few," Rainbow said.

"No, Rainbow. Stick around here," Sharp Quill replied. He rested a hoof on the mare's shoulder. "You're Applejack's friend. She's going to need you—and all other ponies she holds dear."

"That's..." Rainbow shuddered, smiling delicately. "That's pretty swell of you, big guy."

"Don't mention it." Sharp Quill exhaled, pivoting about to gaze at the growing group of worried residents. "Wow... I know I've only been in this town for a short time, but these ponies... they really really care for Applejack and her family, huh?"

Rainbow gulped. "It's hard not to love her..."

Sharp Quill looked at Rainbow. "Guess I'd be flattered."

"Hmmm?" Rainbow looked back.

He smiled. "In a town full of so many admirers... and yet to be counted as one of her best, best friends?"

Rainbow blinked.

"Anyways, chirp if you need anything else. I'll be on cloud duty." FWOOOSH! And he was gone.

Rainbow exhaled. Brushing her bangs back, she turned slowly towards the farm house and began trudging across the grass.

"... ... ...Rainbow?"

"Huh?" Rainbow stopped in her tracks. She looked left... she looked right... and at last, her eyes met mine. "Oh... uh... hiya there, champ." She cleared her throat, but it still didn't stop her voice from cracking. "What's up?"

"Is... it true?" I asked. I was trembling too hard to even look up at her. The grass below me turned foggy—an emerald haze. "Is Apple Bloom going to die?"

I could hear Rainbow shudder, and it went straight through me. "Hoo boy..."

Scootalovery

"Kid. Let's not pretend, okay?" Rainbow Dash rested a wing around me. The two of us sat on a side of the nearest hill overlooking the farmhouse and its adjacent barn. "Things don't look good. Apple Bloom was bitten by a really nasty reptile thingy. As of this moment, you and Sweetie Belle can't even visit her. She's... simply not conscious enough to understand anything a pony might say to her. Not even her family."

"I knew it... I knew it," I whimpered, tears flowing. "She's gonna die." I rubbed my eyes, shuddering. "Apple Bloom didn't deserve to go out like this!"

"Hey. Hey." A set of wingfeathers caress my chin. "Look at me."

I tilted my head up, sniffling. Rainbow's strong gaze came into focus.

"Unlucky things happen, but ponies of all trots of life have proven to be even luckier." She slowly shook her head. "Don't give up on Apple Bloom so quickly. The little scamp deserves more than that, especially from one of her best friends."

"Yes, but... but..." I shuddered, fighting a lump in my throat as I glanced at the farm house again. "Not every pony is as awesome and... strong as you."

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "Are you trying to say that Apple Bloom isn't awesome?"

"Well, no—"

"Then why are you so freaked out?" Rainbow tried smiling, but I could notice a slight twitch to her features. "She's survived crazy stuff before."

"Yeah... but that's because she's had the likes of Fluttershy or Zecora to help her out." I gulped. "And before that... it was always Applejack..."

"Uhm..."

"But right now, she's in a place that even Applejack can't pull her out of." I fought another sob. "And if that isn't enough to save her..."

"Hey... Applejack can save a pony in more ways than one."

I tilted my head up at her again. "What do you mean, Rainbow?"

She opened her muzzle, but hesitated.

I simply blinked at her.

"What... what I mean is..." Rainbow squatted low beside her. The mare's wings coiled at her side, and she sighed before saying: "Apple Bloom's been raised by the best... inspired by the best. You don't take all that's incredible about the Apple Family and just... topple it to the ground overnight with dark magic or venom or curses or any of that nonsense. Her and her kind can overcome anything. I believe this... I know this... because being around any of them just... makes a pony stronger." She gulped. "I can't give up on Apple Bloom now. I refuse to. And you should refuse to as well." She narrowed her eyes on me. "I've seen ponies rise up from even worse places. Even I myself have climbed out of the roughest of spots, all on account of the courage that Applejack has taught me."

"You mean... you mean like in that dream place that those Fillyda jerks put you in."

"Exactly, kiddo," Rainbow Dash said. "And... and I-I know that snake venom isn't the same thing. But..." Rainbow pointed at the group of citizens gathered around the farmstead. "Look who's here. Everypony... and I mean everypony is backing up your friend. That's how much this place cares for Applejack—and her little sister. I mean..." Rainbow Dash shuddered. "...some way or another, we'll figure this all out. We've got the best ponies on the case. Zecora. Twilight. Noir. Heck, even Stupid Leaves is here to lend a hoof. Heh. Thing is... none of them are giving up. And neither should we."

I looked at her. Rubbing my eyes, I sat up straight and murmured: "It's Applejack, isn't it?"

"Huh?" She blinked at me.

"Your very special somepony. It's her."

For the first time in as long as I could remember, Rainbow Dash had nothing to say. She stared at me—past me. All the strength and vigor in her figure had vanished, and suddenly she had become limp, flightless, scared. Like me.

But, also like me, I knew she wasn't about to call it quits. I knew who I had to thank for that, and we both knew who she had to thank.

"It must be r-really hard for you, Rainbow," I said. "Maybe... just maybe almost as hard as it is for me."

Her ruby pupils had shrunk. Somewhere, amidst the fog, she summoned the strength say: "Harder than anything I've faced before."

"And yet, you're willing to face it." I didn't realize I was smiling until the tears took a sharp turn across my muzzle. I leaned into her. She felt cold, but it was alright. Something tells me everything was about to melt just perfectly. "That's awesome, Rainbow Dash. I... I think I can face it too."

I felt a shudder roll through her shoulder. For a moment there, it felt like she was the one leaning on me. Nevertheless, a gentle wing wrapped around me.

"You're... you're one in a million, kiddo," she murmured.

I closed my eyes and nodded.. "I know."

Places, Please

When Rainbow Dash quietly reentered the Apple Family household, the first thing she heard was Twilight Sparkle's feeble voice.

"—have no idea how it could have happened! We checked and re-checked for every possible outcome! But, I... I-I don't know any better way to say this... but... but it's my fault, Applejack." Twilight sniffled, her ears folded back as she fought the urge to sob. "It's all my fault. Some way, some how, I-I caused this snake to drop onto your property. If it wasn't for the experiment, then... then Apple Bloom wouldn't be—"

"Twilight... Twilight, darlin'," Applejack spoke in a low voice. He rested a hoof on the mare's shoulder. "I ain't in no mood to be blamin' nopony. And even if there was a need for pointin' hooves, it'll have to come later. Please... now that yer here... I'm beggin' ya—use yer big fat brain and search for somethin' that'll help my baby sis." Applejack bore a fragile smile. "Honestly, there's nopony with a bigger wealth of knowledge for fixin' thangs than you."

"Yeah..." Twilight nodded, wiping her cheek dry. "Yeah, okay. I'll get right on that, AJ."

"Thanks, Twi," Applejack said, caressing her chin. "Y'all have no idea what th-that means to me."

Trixie trotted up, followed by Spike. "Sparkle, if Trixie can get a sample of the snake, then Trixie can start performing leyline experiments and find out whether or not this was an isolated incident."

"Uhm... isn't that going to be kinda difficult?" Spike pointed towards a brightly-lit table where Zecora, Noir, and even Nurse Redheart stood, all hunched over the dormant body of Apple Bloom. "They've got the venom sample for making an antidote, right?"

"Trixie doesn't need the venom!" Trixie snapped. "Just what remains of its flesh and scales!"

"Where was it last?" Twilight asked aloud.

Fluttershy and Big Macintosh trotted up. "Uhm... do you two need what's left of the snake?" Fluttershy gestured at her coltfriend. "Big Mac knows where it is."

"Eeeyup."

"Great!" Twilight nodded, trotting forward. "Then show us where it—"

"Whoah... Sparkle." Trixie held a hoof out. "Trixie can do the mana-tests. It's best that you stay here with the books that your assistant brought. After all, nopony can beat you when it comes to doing research."

"She's right, Twilight," Spike said. "I'll help her get a good sample. You stay here with the books and try to see if there's anything written in the old tomes about... about..."

"A Tartarusian Venomancer," Rainbow Dash interjected.

"Yeah." Spike pointed. "What she said."

"Okay." Twilight blinked at Trixie. "Wow, Trixie. That was both smart and... very humble of you."

"Trixie said you were the best at research!" Trixie said, eyes seeing red. "Trixie is still the best at magic spells!"

"Right... but of course," Twilight said. She was already squatting down while levitating an array of open books around her. "I'll find this species documented somewhere even if I have to stay awake all week."

"You sure Apple Bloom could even last a we—" Spike began, only for Trixie to swat him across the skull. "Owie!" He immediately winced. "Oh..."

Big Macintosh sniffled, his eyes falling to the floor. Fluttershy lovingly nuzzled him.

"Uhhh..." Spike grinned awkwardly. "Let's go find us some snake skin!"

"Lead the way for Trixie," Trixie said. "Erm... if you don't mind."

"Ahem..." Big Mac cleared his throat, taking big strides as he and Fluttershy exited through the front door. "Eeeeyup."

Rainbow Dash followed their movement. Then her eyes caught something else. Applejack sitting before Granny Smith, her head hung low. Granny Smith looked up, then patted Applejack's shoulder. The young mare turned around, and there she saw Stu Leaves standing with drooping wings. Stu said something, bearing a gentle smile. Applejack tried to smile back, but her face melted. Before she could sob outright, Stu reached his limbs forward, and she hugged him fiercely, shivering in an uncontrollable fashion.

Rainbow wasn't aware of how hard she was biting her lip until she felt a sharp pain ricochet through her mouth. She considered trotting towards the group to extend an identical gesture, but just then Noir's voice rang in her ear.

"Rainbow Dash. Please." The sarosian waved from the makeshift operating table.

Rainbow swiftly glided over. "Yeah, cool guy?"

"We need a special herb," Noir said. "One that neither Zecora or I possess. However, Nurse Redheart says that there's an abundance of it at Ponyville Central."

"Right." Rainbow nodded. "And you need me to get it." Her eyes dripped over Apple Bloom's figure, and her heart jumped at how pale the filly looked.

"Not without a written inscription to allow a pony express permission," Zecora muttered, concentrating on Apple Bloom's wound.

"Huh?"

"I've already written it down." Nurse Redheart held a note out. "Here. Take this to the hospital. Tell them that Nurse Redheart's given you access to the B7 Emergency Supply."

"B7. Emergency." Rainbow nodded. "Got it."

"Are you certain you have the strength to handle it, Rainbow Dash?" Nurse Redheart asked.

"Huh?" Rainbow blinked at her weird.

Nurse Redheart stared at her.

After a few seconds, Rainbow understood, and she cleared her throat. "Uh... yeah. Yes, Redheart. I can take care of it. I've... uhm..." She smiled weakly. "I've been in good hooves."

"Good." Nurse Redheart's brow furrowed. "Then be quick."

"Just how bad is it?" Rainbow asked.

Nurse Redheart's teeth clenched.

Rainbow's ears drooped. "R-right." And she spun around, took off, and breezed past several gasping bodies before making a thunderous exit, skyborne.

Beauty Hurts

Rainbow's journey to and from Ponyville Central Hospital was a blindingly fast one. The same could be said of the next three errands to follow. Hour after hour, the ponies working to save Apple Bloom's life sent Rainbow out on important delivery tasks. She tackled each of them dutifully... and speedily. While it bothered her that she couldn't be present the entire time that the situation unfolded, she knew that she was doing exactly what was necessary at the time—and she was the one pony who could be called upon to perform such tasks with expediency.

Each time she returned to the farmstead, she could have sworn that the group of ponies gathered there had grown bigger and bigger. By the last moment she returned—this time with a bunch of science supplies from Twilight's laboratory—she could see a makeshift stage erected. It would appear as though the Mayor had thrown together a last minute fundraiser, and already several villagers from all walks of town were trotting up to cast their bits into the pile. It was a very optimistic gesture, but somehow it wasn't enough to warm Rainbow's heart. She had the inside of the Apple Family farm house at least a half-dozen times that afternoon. The pegasus knew just how grave things had become.

Another hour rolled by. Somewhere amidst the nervous haze, Rainbow became aware of torchlight. Evening had fallen, but the town refused to sleep. Local ponies huddled in the space between the barn and the apple orchards, murmuring and conversing nervously about the situation at hoof. Pinkie Pie was there, doing her best to keep the mood a festive degree above sullen, offering free treats and baked goods. Rainbow strolled limply through this gathering, trying to allow the sights and voices to hold sway in her exhausted mind. It was getting difficult to feel her hooves at this point, but she didn't dare go home for another dose of medication—for fear of missing something... anything.

"Rainbow Dash..."

Rainbow froze in place. She twirled about, blinking. "Caramel...?" She leaned forward, catching her breath. "Wowsers... so not used to seeing you outside the pub." She gulped, smiling nervously. "How are you, girl?"

The stallion shuffled closer, hiding his puffy face behind a lock of silken mane hair. "I... I want you to know that I donated a bunch to this little fund thingy the Mayor's started."

Rainbow smiled gently. "Well, that's awfully nice of you, Caramel."

"It... it's most of my earnings this week. I know it may not seem like much." He gulped. "I... I'm gonna have to put my tab on hold for about a month..."

Rainbow chuckled. "You barely even touch the cider when we get together."

He pouted. "You don't have to rub it in."

She waved a hoof. "Ignore me. It's a really nice gesture, Caramel. For realsies." She gulped. "For what it's worth, the drink's on me next time we hang."

"Actually..." Caramel turned and pointed at the torchlit mini-stage. "Lyra was here earlier."

"Was she?"

"Yeah. Bon Bon too. Funny... heheh..." He giggled lightly. "Wherever Lyra goes, Bon Bon's bound to show up."

"Yeah, and sometimes rain is wet," Rainbow said with a wink.

"Indeed." Caramel brushed a dainty through his mane. He avoided Rainbow's gaze, for just then the torchlight caught a misty glaze to the edges of his eyes. "That poor little thing." He sniffled. "She means so much to Applejack, doesn't she?"

"Yeah..." Rainbow gulped hard. "Sometimes... I think the mare dotes on her a little too much. But, all things considered, I don't freakin' blame her." Rainbow glanced at the farmhouse. A dim light lingered in the front room. "I used to think that having a family would bog me down. But now...?"

"Just how are you doing, Rainbow Dash?"

"Hmmm?" Rainbow turned to blink at Caramel. "What are you talking about? I'm fine. It's AJ who's going through Tartarus right now."

"I know," Caramel said in a gentle voice. Nevertheless, he leaned forward, eyes soft. "But how are you doing?"

Rainbow bit her lip. She glanced down at her hooves. "Uhm... I'm... uh... h-hanging in there, girl."

Caramel looked at her. Slowly, he closed the distance between them, then leaned in to nuzzle her with his petite frame.

Rainbow shuddered. Without looking up, she raised a hoof and patted his shoulder.

"All my life, I've admired beauty," Caramel said. "I hold it above all other things. And though it may look and feel bleak right now... what you have and who you have it for... ?" He leaned back, gracing her with a tearful smile. "Well... I'm proud to be your friend, Rainbow Dash, and I hope to have something even half as beautiful someday."

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow shuddered. "Be careful what you wish for." She threw another misty-eyed gaze at the homestead. "Beauty hurts."

Caramel bit his lip. After an inward squeak, he ventured to say something—

A pair of fangs emerged in the night. "Rainbow Dash," Noir spoke.

"Aaaaaiee!" Caramel jumped, hiding behind Rainbow.

The mare sighed, patted Caramel's head, then looked Noir's way. "What is it, cool guy?"

"We have much to discuss..."

"Apple Bloom!" Rainbow leaned forward, her wings raised. "Tell me! Is she okay?"

"Summon your friend Pinkie Pie and come into the house," Noir remarked, his tone even more grave than before. "As I said..." He drifted off into the night. "...there is much to discuss."

The Council of Bloom

Zecora took an exhausted breath. Looking up, she reflected a myriad of pony faces in her sad blue eyes.

"Apple Bloom is in stable condition. However... the venom's blight is far from going into remission." She cleared her throat, pacing across the quiet, tense living room of the Apple Family Home. "Soon, it will consume her, body and mind. It'll devour her nerves, starting with her spine."

Applejack inhaled sharply. She held hooves with Granny Smith and Big Macintosh who leaned in, collectively nuzzling her.

Rainbow bit her lip. Standing alongside Pinkie, Rarity, and the others, she returned her attention to Zecora's speech.

"Right now..." The zebra shaman pointed at the makeshift cot where Apple Bloom was lying on her back. "...thanks to our medicine, she sleeps in peace. But she will not last long, for she is quite diseased." She looked at the group as a whole. "Noir and I were able to sustain her. But such will mean nothing if we can't find a cure."

"But... but..." Applejack sniffled, wiping her eyes dry. "There is a cure... yes?"

"There was a cure," Twilight Sparkle said.

Everypony turned to look at her.

The mare stood next to Spike and Trixie. She hugged an old book to her chest, gazing across the candle-lit abode. "A long time ago... and I do mean long... as in before the founding of Equestria..." She gulped. "There was an abundance of flowers that populated the northern mountain tundra. Starswirl the Bearded wrote often of them, because they were a common herb used in alchemic and medicinal purposes."

"And just what was the name of this type of flower?" Rarity asked.

"Iced Lavender," Twilight explained. She glanced at Trixie, and the two nodded as she continued: "Legend says that they could cure everything from the common cold to manticore stings. In those days, before Tartarus was fashioned into a prison to hold the most elite of monsterous threats, creatures of ill-repute freely wandered the landscape at large. One such beast was a breed of vipers that we now call the Tartarusian Venomancer."

"The same thing that nibbled on poor Apple Bloom?" Pinkie Pie whimpered.

"I'm afraid so," Twilight said. "And Iced Lavender was commonly used to treat ponies who suffered bite wounds from this reptile. Starswirl even wrote a recipe for how to make a proper antidote through application of the flower's unique pollen."

"But..." Granny Smith's jaw muscles went tight. "...t'ain't none of these flowers left around for us to fetch, huh?"

"I'm afraid not, Ms. Smith," Twilight said in a wilted voice. "As you can imagine, everypony wanted to get their hooves on such a powerful ingredient. They had already become endangered by the time Clover the Clever became Equestria's first court wizard. Within a century, the only known samples existed in a special armory built to contain precious substances. But... the keep that housed this burned down over three thousand years ago." She gulped. "Since then, there's been absolutely no recorded sighting of Iced Lavender."

"Not even in them 'Northern Tundra' places?" Applejack asked.

Twilight shook her head. "I'm afraid not, AJ. But... by that time... the Tartarusian Venomancer had also grown endangered. Ponies took samples of their venom to try and find alternate ways of making antidotes, but that was several eons... and several wars ago. Most if not all of that research was lost, and history stopped taking note... because the Tartarusian Venomancer had grown so rare."

"But now, we've had an actual snake bite," Fluttershy said. "The first one in... what... recorded centuries?"

"That is correct," Noir's voice said. Half of the ponies flinched as he drifted into the candlelight. "There truly is no colorful way to paint this situation." He glanced at Zecora as he said, "We do no possess a known cure for Apple Bloom and her condition. All we can do is keep her in a stable coma, staving off the spread of the poison."

"Yes, but for how long?! A week?!" Applejack's voice cracked.

"If even that, my good friend," Zecora murmured. "It does not bode well for her in the end. If we cannot find a way to remove the venom's blight, then our beloved Apple Bloom will lose the fight."

Applejack fought another sobbing breath. The mere sound of it drove daggers into Rainbow's gut.

"Y'all said you can keep her in a stable coma," Granny Smith muttered. Her eyes rested on Noir specifically. "Reckon you've got some fancy tricks up yer fetlocks to make this happen as long as possible?"

Noir took a deep breath, leather wings flexing. "I've... considered relocating Apple Bloom."

"Relocating her?!" Stu Leaves stammered.

"Indeed." Noir nodded. "To New Saros. The low gravity there—as well as the abundance of enchanted artifacts—might allow me to establish some form of suspended animation."

"What's a New Saros?" Pinkie Pie chirped. "Never heard of it!"

"It's basically a portal to another world, made by the ponies dedicated to Princess Luna," Rainbow said. "...right?"

Noir's slitted eyes darted towards her.

"How..." Twilight gaped. "...how could you possibly know about that, Rainbow?"

Rainbow paled slightly. She looked down at the floorboards. "I... uhm..."

"She... undoubtedly heard me when I spoke of it to Zecora," Noir said. He cleared his throat and walked in front of Rainbow Dash. "All you need to know that it's a sanctuary to my own kind, and it's elongated the lives of those dedicated to the Lunar Code." His eyes narrowed. "It may be used to do the same for Apple Bloom."

"But to what end?" Trixie made a face. "Trixie knows a thing or two about suspended animation spells."

"Trixie—" Twilight began.

"No, we need to figure this out! For the kid's sake!" Trixie pointed. "Trixie agrees with the sarosian. Lunar technology can be used to keep her asleep... but what about waking her up?" She shrugged. "Assuming we even come up with an alternate antidote, will she still be who she is when she opens her eyes?"

"What... wh-what do y'all mean?" Applejack cooed.

Twilight bit her lip. Ultimately she said. "The longer she's in... stasis, the more she risks permanent brain damage."

The Apple Family looked at Noir.

He exhaled and said, "It's true. Even if there's a cure to her condition, the work that Zecora and I have done can only accomplish so much for her body. The mind is a different matter. Apple Bloom has a week at best. Suspended animation on New Saros might extend that to two weeks, but there's no guarantee that she will ever be the same."

"Two weeks...?!" Applejack stammered.

"Pffft!" Trixie's brow furrowed. "It's a heck of a lot better than two hours!" She glanced across the way. "From what I understand, Tartarusian venom is very potent!"

"That's right," Rainbow Dash said. "When I first told Zecora and Noir about it, they were pretty friggin' concerned."

"You might call our work something of a miracle, but it was simply that the timing was critical," Zecora said. "If Noir and I were just a few minutes late..." She gulped. "Let's just say the consequences would be great."

"I reckon so." Applejack's voice wavered as she attempted to speak calmly, evenly. "And... and I thank ya kindly for all the work you've done. All y'all... but... but I just..." She ran a hoof over her bangs. "It's still so sudden. I know I should be thankful, but..." She clenched her eyes shut as her body shuddered.

Stu Leaves rested a hoof on the mare's shoulder. He looked at the group. "So... what do we do now?"

Everypony was silent.

"I mean... th-there's gotta be something, right?" He clenched his teeth. "Six of us here are representatives of the Elements of Harmony!"

"Trixie fails to see what good that will do—"

"It's gotta mean something!" Stu exclaimed. "You girls took on Nightmare Moon! That seemed completely impossible at the time! Maybe... maybe there's a magical solution to this that none of Starswirl's books can even possibly know about!"

"I... don't think this is something that Harmony can solve," Twilight murmured. She shuddered as she added: "Or the magic of friendship."

Pinkie choked on a sob. Fluttershy leaned in to nuzzle her as the room fell quiet.

Rainbow fidgeted where she stood. She glanced across the room at Apple Bloom's dormant figure. "...maybe... the opposite of harmony..."

"Huh?" Stu looked over at her. "What was that, Rainbow?"

"I..." Rainbow glanced back at him. "I... uhm..." She bit her own tongue.

Stu was about to say something else when Granny Smith spoke up: "Half of y'all have some dang spectacular connections," the old mare stated. "I know it may seem askin' for much, but—"

"Say no more," Twilight said, waving a hoof. "I'll get in contact with my mentor Princess Celestia immediately."

"Is it time for what I think it is?" Spike said.

"Yes, Spike." Twilight swiveled towards him. "Take a letter right this second."

"If I may be allowed to add a hoofnote..." Noir trotted over. "Princess Luna may be something of a hermit ever since she returned from the moon, but I do think I may be able to grab her attention... with the right words."

"Any help would be wonderful, Mr. Noir."

"And I'll make a letter to the Canterlot Science Guilds!" Trixie exclaimed. "Assuming Spike can mail an extra letter for Trixie!"

"Consider it done."

"That's the spirit, everypony!" Rarity said, raising a hoof as she smiled. "Let us not give into despair! For Apple Bloom's sake!"

The room broke into commotion as everypony came together.

All the while, Rainbow Dash stared across the chamber. For a brief moment, she made continued eye contact with Stu. Then, with a deep breath, she dared to trot across the foyer, making her way to a certain farm mare...

Elementary Hearts

Rainbow shuffled up. Her ruby pupils shone in the candlelight as she gulped hard and murmured, "Hey..."

Applejack sniffed, rubbing her puffy eyes. "Hey, darlin'." She cleared her throat, teetering slightly where she stood. On the far side of the room, ponies shuffled left and right, murmuring with one another. The shadows stretched, pushing the hazy figures further and further away. Applejack's ears drooped as she said, "It's... it's certainly a hoof-full, ain't it?"

"AJ, I'm so sorry..."

"Dun say 'sorry,'" Applejack said sharply, frowning into the corners of the place. "When ya put it that way. Ya make it sound... m-make it sound..."

Rainbow bit her lip.

Applejack sighed, hanging her head. "... ... ...I dun know where I even put my hat."

"Oh! Uh... I-I'll get it!" Rainbow spread her wings.

"No. No." Applejack stretched a hoof across the way, eyes glossy and bright. "Rainbow—"

The pegasus was frozen in place, tense and still.

Slowly, Applejack's features melted into a tired smile. "You've... you've done enough." She cleared her throat. "Stu tells me you done—like—over a dozen blazin' trips all over Ponyville on Apple Bloom's behalf."

"Hey." Rainbow shrugged with a slight smirk. "They needed a fast pony to get stuff delivered here."

"And they certainly found the best, didn't they?" Applejack's teeth showed in a cheeky smile. "Yer so kind... so loyal. I can't believe how lucky, I... I..." And, just like that, a pained grimace knifed through her muzzle.

Rainbow tried not to wince.

"Oh Rainbow..." Applejack held a hoof over her face. "I... I can't believe this is happenin'. I'm... I'm losin' her..." She sobbed. "I'm losin' my baby sis..." She wailed. "The poor lil foal who never asked for nothin' like this... nothin' at all..."

Rainbow Dash trotted over and rested a hoof on her shoulder. "AJ... just... just buck up, okay? It's gonna be alright—"

"No it ain't!" Applejack's tears briefly melted from a burning frown. "Y'all dun get it! When Ma and Pa passed, they had only so few written words to give. They knew Granny was gettin' on in her years, so they gave the job of plowin' to Big Mac and the job of foal-sittin' to me."

"Well..." Rainbow gulped hard. "Sounds like you more or less took both of those chores on at full force, AJ." She tried a hopeful smile. "And if you ask me, you've totally done it all awesomely."

"Dun make a difference if my little sister ends up in the grave before she even gets her cutie mark! Oh... oh Goddess..." Applejack wept into her forelimbs, quivering all over. "I shouldn't h-have left her from my sights! I sh-should have been m-more attentive-like..."

"AJ, please..." Rainbow fought to keep her voice steady. Each weeping sound that issued from Applejack tore her to pieces. The words coming from her mouth were only half-conscious. "Don't... don't do this... I'm begging you..."

"I can't h-help it, Rainbow..." Applejack looked up, tears streaming. "Family is everythang to me. And in my short life, I've seen more ponies leavin' us than joinin' us. I just... I-I just never thought that little Apple Bloom..." She shuddered, her emerald eyes reduced to pinpricks. "... ... ...for so long, I-I was fine with never bein' a mother. Cuz... cuz I had her." She slowly shook her head. "I had everythang..."

Rainbow's lips pursed. "But... but I thought you always said—"

"I lied." Applejack whimpered. "I ain't the honest pony y'all thank I am. I'm... I'm just so close to collapsin' all the time. I-I..." She was hyperventilating at this point. "Mmrff... now y-you know, Rainbow. And when it's all over, the rest of the mares will know." She clenched her eyes shut. "I just w-wish Apple Bloom could live so she could know... I love her so much, Rainbow. I love... I-I love..."

Rainbow Dash gnashed her teeth. She didn't know what else to say or do, so she held Applejack close.

Applejack threw her forelimbs around the mare. She was a sobbing, shuddering mess, and even still—in that most fragile of fragile states—it almost felt like it was Applejack holding Rainbow Dash instead.

It shattered the pegasus from the inside out, which is probably why the following words began squeaking out: "Applejack... there's something I... I've been meaning to tell you."

"What... wh-what is it, sugarcube?"

"I... I just need to say that... that..." Rainbow's eyes broke open. Through a film of fresh tears, she saw the fireplace. Above the hearth, a family portrait showed five equines seated closely together, smiling. In the arms of a tiny orange foal was an even tinier yellow infant. The picture frame's gloss caught the reflection of Twilight and Trixie as they collaborated on a letter with Spike and Noir.

Then, at last, Rainbow glanced across the way to where a limp figure lay on a bed. A red bow rested on the floor, loose and partially unraveled.

A tight frown spread across Rainbow's jaws. "... ... ...I've got something to deliver."

"Hmmm?" Applejack leaned back, rubbing her eyes and barely squinting at the pegasus. "Wh... what?"

"AJ... listen to me..." She held the mare's shoulders. "I know everything might seem bleak now, but you mustn't lose faith. Apple Bloom's gonna pull through all this, okay?"

"But... but she's—"

"And you'll have every chance to tell her all that you've ever wanted to," Rainbow said, smiling warmly. "We'll all get to be honest with one another."

"I... I wish I could believe that, Rainbow," Applejack shuddered. "I really wish I could."

"You don't have to believe it," Rainbow said. She parted from the hug and backtrotted. "Just be."

"If... if you say so, darlin'." Applejack looked aside at the group. "But... but I don't see how—"

FWOOOSH!

Applejack jerked back. A series of drapes swung to a stop before an open window. The pegasus was gone.

"... ... ...Rainbow?"

Chaos Theory

"Well, Sparky, I hate to burst your loyalty bubble." Lancie lazily leaned back on the window sill to Rainbow's room. Starlight glinted off his gray stone skin. "But it's difficult to remove a type of venom that I've never ever come into contact with before."

"You've gotta be kidding me!" Rainbow's voice cracked. She paced back and forth across the small space between them. "What about Photo Finish?! You got her healed lickety split!"

"And she wasn't bitten by an extremely rare, nearly nonexistent viper," Lancie said. He sat up, his granite brow furrowed. "Although, her taste in fashion certainly looked like it got bitten by the Couture Black Widow—"

"No jokes!" Rainbow frowned viciously. "This is Applejack's little sister we're talking about. You've done crazy wizardry before. Why can't you do the same here?"

"Normally I'd be flattered by how much credit you're giving my powers." He gazed out the window and gestured with a talon. "But even someone as snazzy as me can't very well make something out of nothing... or turn nothing into something in order to become nothing again."

"Mmmfffnghhh..." Rainbow facehoofed. "Lancie, I'm grasping at straws here."

"A difficult prospect with hooves, I'm sure. Heheheheh—"

She thrust her frowning muzzle in his face. "Do you mean to say that you've never crossed paths with a Tartarusian Venomancer before?!"

"Trust me..." Lancie calmly pushed her away with a lone paw. "All my life, I've made it my personal mandate to avoid all things related to Tartarus." He shuddered. "Such a nasty place to drive through after dark."

Rainbow sighed again, plopping back on her haunches. "And here I was hoping you could save the day here..."

"However..." He raised a talon, gazing at her with a wry smirk. "You did mention something else that I have been in a great deal of contact with in the past. Some... sort of flower, was it?"

"Yes." Rainbow jerked towards him, eyes wide. "Iced lavender."

"Ah. So is that what ponies called them?"

"Do they have a different name in your day and age?"

"Yes. 'Damn Sneezies.' I about blew myself inside out in those eons," Lancie slurred. "Most fields north of the equine line were practically flooded with those blasted bright petals."

"So... since you knowledge of them..." Rainbow leaned forward, muzzle agape. "...you could recreate one?"

"Why? Aren't they at the local garden stand?"

She frowned. "They're friggin' extinct, Lancie, like you're gonna be if you drag your hooves any longer."

"Cute." Lancie leaned back. "Alas, just like ancient snake venom, I can't produce something out of nothing. But..." He folded his arms, smiling. "There's no saying that I can't deevolve a flower to the specimen you're seeking. All I need is a sample of a modern day lavender, and then—poof—you've got your Damned Sneezies."

"Consider it done!" Rainbow exclaimed. "I'll grab some flowers from somewhere, bring them here, and you can make the one cure Apple Bloom needs!"

"Whoah whoah whoah... let's not throw the pot of gold before the rainbow here, Sparky," Lancie said. "Everything's a matter of timing. Lest we forget, I'm out of juice here."

"Right..." Rainbow nodded. "How many shards do you need?"

"We're not talking about the usual hocus pocus here," Lancie said. "Recreating an extinct specimen of flowers? Especially one that's been M.I.A. for so long? Whew... that's a lob from downtown if I ever heard one!" He planted his hands on his stone hips. "No ma'am... this is gonna take more than a flippant visit to cyclical plot hole land. If we want the power to make this happen, we're going to need all my power."

"So... not just one or two of the shards..." Rainbow's eyes narrowed. "But all of the shards."

"Warm... warmer... scalding..."

Rainbow gulped, wings drooping. "Aatxe..."

"Bridle on fire." Lancie nodded. "The dragon's Big Boss has all that's left. I've told you this before."

"And... and you d-don't sense any other shards elsewhere?"

"'Fraid not, Sparky," Lancie said. He spun and pointed at a nebulous direction beyond the bedroom door. "Out west is the key. It's always been the key. Just... until now... there's nothing that's tempted you beyond the door."

"Lancie, if what you've told me is right... then... then..." Rainbow grimaced. "...we're talking about a crazy-flank trip. Past Tartarus. Past Equestrian borders. Into the wastelands." She gazed nervously out the windows. "...straight into dragon-controlled territories."

"Hey..." Lancie shrugged. "...I never said it would be easy! But so long as you're not making the trip, those last precious pieces of me are in greedy, scaley hands!" He leaned back against the window pane once more, yawning. "The Ice Lavender isn't gonna conjured itself anytime soon. So the question here is... just how desperate are you to rescue the bouncing baby sister to Princess Frecklestasia?"

Rainbow clenched her teeth, frowning into the shadows.

Lancie blinked. "...or perhaps I should be asking myself if I should pack a lunchbox."

Go, Dashie, Go (Go!)

Rainbow Dash dug and dug deep into her closet. At last, after much rummaging, she yanked a black canvas saddlebag out. The mare tossed it onto her bed, then zipped off to the far corners of the room, grabbing random supplies and tossing them next to the satchel. Without losing momentum, she flapped her wings, flew out of the room, and started grabbing random things from the bathroom and kitchen.

With a jerk of her teeth, Rainbow fastened the satchel tight. Exhaling, she marched out through her front door, squinting into the early dawnlight. With a flick of her tail, she slapped the door shut, turned around, and locked it with a key. Pocketing the key away, she lingered for a few breathless seconds, gazing quietly at the cloudy stoop to her floating home. Then—jaws tightening—she kicked off the misty ledge, barrel rolled, and flew off into the heart of Ponyville.

Rainbow Dash galloped out of Sugarcube Corner, balancing several plastic-wrapped muffins and fruits on her wings. With nimble finesse, she juggled the items and plopped them one one-by-one into the pocket of her saddlebag.

Meanwhile, a tiny stone head popped out of the opposite saddlebag. "I do believe you've forgotten the kitchen sink."

"Can it," Rainbow grunted. "If what you say is true, then this is gonna be a long trip. I'm not taking any chances."

"Well, certainly don't rush it!" Lancie remarked, clinging on for dear life. "You'll wanna come back in one piece, eh, Sparky?"

"This is not about me remaining in one piece," the pegasus said. "Apple Bloom can't afford for me to take my time. So... it's eating and drinking on the go."

"How charming." Lancie gulped. "Should I hold a bedpan beneath you for half the trip?"

"Lemme figure that out on my own," Rainbow muttered. She lifted off, gliding towards the west end of town. "But first..."

"'First?'" Lancie arched a stone eyebrow. "I thought you were in a hurry."

"I've just got one thing to do," she grunted. "Now hide your horns and prepare to be my chaos compas."

"Heh..." He ducked down, zipping the satchel pocket up behind him. "Yes ma'am."

Fwooosh! Rainbow Dash landed on the shadowed lawn of the Apple Family farmstead, away from the sunrise. Here, none of the many-many ponies gathered could see her. Stealthily, she shuffled up to the porch and gazed into the front room. Her ruby eyes widened.

To Rainbow Dash's surprise, Apple Bloom was nowhere to be seen. She spotted Noir, Zecora, and Twilight Sparkle talking in a circle—but no sick little filly.

Biting her lip, Rainbow paused to think. Then, with several flaps of her wings, she ascended to the second floor of the farmhouse. She peered in through the first window she could find, and her breath left her.

Apple Bloom lay snuggled up in the bed of her room. If it weren't for the abundance of potions and medicinal incense, Rainbow would have guessed that the filly was dozing normally as ever. Squatting at her bedside—out like a light—was a blonde farm mare with her muzzle buried in the bed covers. Applejack's forelimbs were draped over Apple Bloom's limp figure. The farm mare's lungs slowly rose and fell in fitful slumber.

Rainbow took a deep breath. She reached her hoof through the cool space left open in the window. Forcing the thing open, she slipped into the bedroom, light as a feather. Quietly, she padded over, then stood next to Applejack. The mare stood there for a few seconds, shifting quietly. Then, at last, she leaned in...

And she softly nuzzled Applejack's freckled cheek.

"I promise you, AJ," she murmured as quietly as she could. Her voice was warm, firm, and fearless. "Some way... somehow... I'm gonna rescue your little sis. She doesn't deserve this, and neither do you." Her blue chin graced the mare's blonde bangs, and then she backtrotted, shuddering. "Y'here me? There's nothing to be afraid of. Everything's gonna be alright. Just... just trust me..."

Applejack stirred slightly—which stabbed Rainbow straight in the gut.

"Mrmmff... fuuu... hmmm... come b-back to me, Apple... Apple Bloom..." Her lips pursed, and she fell back into a deep slumber, exhaling: "Sugarcube..."

Rainbow's eyes grew misty. She clenched them shut, shook her head, then looked across the room with a heavy scowl. Her tongue tickled, aching to pronounce six words, but she refused—instead diving back out the window with a flick of her tail.

Rainbow Dash had nearly cleared the western orchards when a young voice chirped into the air: "Rainbow! Hey, Rainbow Dash!"

Rainbow gnashed her teeth. She had been seen. Against her better judgment, she hovered to a stop, then slowly touched down to the grass.

Turning around, Rainbow looked with tired ruby eyes.

A tiny figure galloped up, obscured in the bright morning dawnlight. At last, I scuffled to a stop, panting and panting. I looked up at her, ears drooped. "Did you hear? Twilight Sparkle has gotten Princess Celestia to agree to a visit!" I smiled hopefully. "Maybe she can find out a way to bring Apple Bloom back!"

Rainbow looked past me, squinting at the farmstead in the morning haze. "... ... ... I dunno squirt," she said in a dull tone. "Unless Celestia can get her hooves on some Frosted Lavender, I doubt Apple Bloom has a chance."

"But... but..." I grimaced, staring at her. "We've gotta have hope, don't we?"

Rainbow said nothing.

Exhaustion left me in a blink, and I suddenly noticed the heavy saddlebags clinging to Rainbow's figure. "Rainbow Dash...?" I felt a lump in my throat. "Where... where are you going?"

She opened her mouth, but hesitated. Then—with a smirk that I will never forget—she trotted closer in the golden sunrise, caressed my chin, and said, "Can you keep a secret, kiddo?"

"Anything, Rainbow Dash!"

She leaned forward, eyes hard. "I'm going to save Apple Bloom."

"You... you are?!?" I gasped hard.

"Mmmhmmm..." Rainbow nodded. "But I can't stick around for long. The next time I come back... it will be with a cure."

"But..." I fidgeted. "But how?!"

"It's... complicated. You just have to trust me, kiddo." She squeezed my shoulder. "And you gotta promise not to tell anypony else."

"Sure, but... but..."

"Now, there's no time to waste." Rainbow started flapping her wings. "Don't worry too much. Apple Bloom's gonna live. That's a guarantee."

"...but why keep it a secret, Rainbow?!" I bit my lip. "Why not tell anypony?"

"Sometimes, kiddo..." She turned towards the dull western horizon, wings blurring. "Awesomeness is its own reward."

"You... you really think so?"

But Rainbow Dash didn't think, she flew, and I sat there in a limp stupor, watching as she became a tiny blue dot against the bluer horizon.

Second Feathers

A prismatic streak sailed westward towards the bending horizon.

A brief roar of rushing air echoed above the treetops of Sweet Apple Acres and its many, many orchards.

There, close to the fence line that marked off the rural property...

A lone saddlebag lingered in the soil. An envelope rested between blades of grass, its papery exterior stained with drops of dew.

There was a slight flutter to the white object. It shifted slightly in the wind, then remained still, unseen.

Alone.

==Part Eighteen: Birds of a Feather==

==Part Eighteen: Birds of a Feather==

Now...

In a clearing just outside of Whitetail Woods...

A series of stagecoaches gathered around an old, decrepit barn.

One closed wagon in particular rolled to a stop, pulled by a series of surly-looking stallions.

As it arrived, even more muscular ponies shuffled out of the barn, looking cautiously in every direction. Once the coast was clear, they gestured to the stagecoach, and a servant rushed up to the ornate black wagon, opening it and squatting low.

"Mrmmmf..." A pudgy pony in a business suit poked his head out, squinting angrily into the bright afternoon sunlight. "...Celestia damn... I hate the country," Don Canter grumbled. "Even the air smells like hicks."

"Our contact is inside, sir," spoke one of the thugs.

"A barn like that has plenty of crossbeams, yes?" Don Canter lit a cigar and stuck it into the far edge of his gnarled muzzle. "Hmmff... plenty of spots to hang 'em from." He stepped out of the stagecoach, his heavy body using the squatting servant as a stepping stool.

As he trudged towards the barn, a pair of shifty stallions stood at the entrance, fidgeting all over.

"My good sir," Flim stammered.

"Most esteemed and honorable Don Canter," Flam added, bowing low.

"We... we have no idea why we've been delayed!" Flim gulped. "We gave him everything he needed! We even saw the mare with our own eyes—"

"Can it with the senseless squabbling already," Don Canter grumbled, waving them aside. His angry glare carried him into the barn's rustic abode. "I know who's to blame."

Inside, several shady figures stood in weight. Top Dog stood next to his canine cronies, folding his forelimbs and snorting indignantly. Sunset Shimmer paced in an angry circle, her horn pulsing in random intervals. Once Don Canter entered the room, everypony stood up tall, tight, and tense.

"Alright!" Don Canter's voice boomed. The end of his cigar sent an amber beam across the dusty darkness. "Come out of hiding you stuffed grouse! Explain your damn self before I have my stallions pluck every feather from your yellow belly and then some!"

Silence.

"Well?!" Don Canter growled louder. "Are you here, or was this another wild goose chase?!"

"I come out..." Romulus suddenly hissed in the mob boss' ear.

Don Canter jumped. Every stallion in the room trained their weapons on the griffon.

He calmly slinked his way around the figure, emerging fully from the shadows. "...when and only when I choose to." He kept his one good eye trained on the leader while he strutted towards the center of the room on sharp talons. "Lest we forget... it was I who summoned you here."

"We weren't even supposed to be summoned!" Sunset Shimmer spat, stomping a hoof in anger. "You were supposed to do your job!"

"We gave you everything!" Flim hollered. He and Flim shared the same mutual glare. "Her address! Her home! The name of her friends!"

"By Jove, we even gave you the location of her cloud home!" Flam added. "We were promised vengeance for our beloved mother!"

"Yessss!" Top Dog hissed, his eyes gleaming in the darkness. "And we were promised our share in the shards' power! So why haven't you retrieved them yet?!" The armored dogs at his side banged their spears and breastplates, barking.

In the far corner, a basilisk eye swirled about inside a glass jar resting on a bale of hay.

Romulus stared lethargically at the group.

"My good friend..."

Romulus looked over at Don Canter.

The mob boss stared with eyes like daggers. "You made me leave the luxurious comforts of Trottingham to come here, and for some reason I am not seeing our infamous trouble-maker having her entrails ripped out while she screams the location of the stolen chaos shards." His brow furrowed. "To say that we are curious is an understatement." Just then, a bright green glow illuminated his muzzle.

The others gathered in the room squinted at the source of the glow.

Romulus held up a pulsating stone in his grasp. The half of it facing the west end of the barn strobed brighter than the rest.

"What in blazes is that?!" Flam remarked.

"A tracking stone..." Sunset Shimmer thought out loud. "But..." She cocked her head aside. "Where's the other half of it?"

"In the target—Rainbow Dash's saddlebag," Romulus calmly said. "It's being flown due west, towards the wasteland."

The barn filled with heavy murmurs.

"Towards the wasteland...?" Don Canter gritted his teeth. "You stupid turkey! Why didn't you stop her before she took off!"

"Do you want half of the shards or all of them, old stallion?!" Romulus suddenly snarled, his gaze sharp.

Don Canter merely blinked. His ears folded back.

Top Dog, Sunset Shimmer, and the rest lost their angry edge, bathed suddenly in curiosity and confusion.

Romulus took a deep breath. "Fillies and gentlecolts..." His talons clasped tighter around the pulsating stone. "...there's been a development."

Part Eighteen: Birds of a Feather
(Where Rainbow Dash has to take two steps back to make four steps forward)

Warbird

Eighteen hours ago...

He held his breath, clenching his beak tight.

With soundless, flapping wings, he hovered at an even level with the window to the cloud home over east Ponyville.

The night shrouded him as he loaded a thick iron bolt into the center of the crossbow.

Reaching into a satchel around his feathery midsection, he produced a vial of paralytic poison.

His talons tapped the lid, and he poured the bubbling liquid over the tip of the bolt.

Then, hovering lower, Romulus squinted his one good eye, aiming the crossbow's line of sight through the window and at the fuzzy blue body situated within.

Rainbow paced back and forth across the room, her muzzle moving. It was only when Romulus' talon was rubbing over the weapon's trigger that he finally made out her words.

"...need to know, Lancie. Are you telling the truth about where you sense the other shards?"

"Now when have I ever lied to you, Sparky?"

Romulus twitched. His eye blinked, and the feathers on his crest rose up.

"For serious, dude. Are they or are they not all in one location?"

"It's the same as before. I sense them all to the far west of here. If you ask me, I'd venture to guess that a certain dragon lord has been collecting all the ones you haven't been awesome enough to scoop up by now in your pretty pony limbs."

"But... if I got the shards to you... if I got you to come into contact with all the shards, then you could do more magic?"

"Pffft. That's how we roll, isn't it?"

"I'm serious, Lancie..."

Romulus dared to fly closer. He craned his neck just enough to see a tiny animated statue sitting on the window sill, facing the pony. As the mysterious voice continued, the "muzzle" of the stone effigy moved along with it.

"I'm serious too, Sparky."

"Would this finally get you all the power that you need?"

"Assuming nothing slipped through the cracks, then yes."

"Would... would it be enough power to cure Apple Bloom of the snake venom that's now inside her?"

"Well, Sparky, I hate to burst your loyalty bubble, but it's difficult to remove a type of venom that I've never ever come into contact with before."

"You've gotta be kidding me!" Rainbow paced around,c oming towards the window.

Romulus stifled a gasp and flew out of view. He held the crossbow tightly to his chest and pressed his wings to the side of the house.

"What about Photo Finish?! You got her healed lickety split!"

"And she wasn't bitten by an extremely rare, nearly nonexistent viper. Although, her taste in fashion certainly looked like it got bitten by the Couture Black Widow—"

"No jokes!"

Romulus squinted off into the night-shaded distance. His beak pronounced the name of 'Photo Finish.' Gradually, the reality of the moment came flooding back to him. His eye widened, and he looked back towards the window just as he heard the tail-end of the conversation:

"Lancie, if what you've told me is right... then... then... we're talking about a crazy-flank trip. Past Tartarus. Past Equestrian borders. Into the wastelands. Straight into dragon-controlled territories."

"Hey, I never said it would be easy! But so long as you're not making the trip, those last precious pieces of me are in greedy, scaley hands! The Ice Lavender isn't gonna conjured itself anytime soon. So the question here is... just how desperate are you to rescue the bouncing baby sister to Princess Frecklestasia?"

Romulus exhaled furiously.

He spread his wings, fell, then glided over the rolling countryside below.

Hours later...

Romulus perched stealthily to the outside face of Sugarcube Corner in the hazy morning light. He pressed his feathery head to the wooden finish, listening intently. Just then, his eye lit up. Scurrying, he rushed down to the wooden partition just above the front entrance. Reaching into his satchel, he produced a glowing stone... then held it out in a poised talon.

Right at that moment, Rainbow Dash swiftly trotted out, balancing several plastic-wrapped muffins and fruits on her wings. With nimble finesse, she juggled the items and plopped them one one-by-one into the pocket of her saddlebag.

Holding his breath, Romulus swiftly tossed an enchanted tracking stone. It flew through the air and landed inside her saddlebag just as she closed it.

Meanwhile, a tiny stone head popped out of the opposite saddlebag. "I do believe you've forgotten the kitchen sink."

In one swift movement, Romulus backflipped and landed on the far side of the Sugarcube rooftop, away from any eyes—stone or otherwise.

"Can it," Rainbow grunted. "If what you say is true, then this is gonna be a long trip. I'm not taking any chances."

"Well, certainly don't rush it!" Lancie remarked, clinging on for dear life. "You'll wanna come back in one piece, eh, Sparky?"

"This is not about me remaining in one piece," the pegasus said. "Apple Bloom can't afford for me to take my time. So... it's eating and drinking on the go."

"How charming." Lancie gulped. "Should I hold a bedpan beneath you for half the trip?"

Romulus peaked his head out from behind the bakery. His one good eye squinted towards the western sky, watching as Rainbow Dash took off for Sweet Apple Acres in the distance.

After a deep breath, the griffon flapped his wings and glided in the opposite direction.

That's Hacking(!)

"And so..." Don Canter paced across the dim barn, his eyes trained on Romulus. "...just like that, you decided... on your own... the course that our special allied organization was going to take?"

"Let's face it," Romulus said, glaring back at the leader and his blinking cohorts. "None of us truly know where the rest of the shards are located. If we tortured Rainbow Dash or exploited the foolish mare through her closest loved ones, we might find a way to recover the pieces she's already gathered—yes—but we would be powerless to find the remaining pieces." He gestured with his talons. "Now, I saw this mysterious impish beast that the pegasus has in her position. I have every reason to believe that this thing has been the magical impetus behind her previously uncanny knack for finding the shards. If she's able to find the remaining shards because of him, I say we utilize the beast's talents through her."

"Why not just nab the damn pony and torture her for the directions to the last remaining shards?!" Top Dog spat. "Seems like you're giving her a lot of leeway!"

"I'm telling you!" Romulus snapped. "It's not Rainbow Dash! It's this... creature in her possession that's been allowing her to find the pieces!" He looked at everyone else. "Since day one, I failed to understand just what unfathomable force empowered this mare to beat me... to beat us to the punch, over and over and over again!"

"Have you ever considered the fact that you simply suck?" Sunset Shimmer remarked.

The group broke into chuckles.

Romulus turned with an icy glare, quieting half the room. "...and would I be alone with such a distinction?"

Sunset Shimmer's face and muzzle burned. She tilted her glaring expression down into the barn's floor.

Romulus paced across the center of the place. "We have all spectacularly failed to grab the shards before Rainbow Dash. But now we know why. Rather than break the pattern and flow, I'd say we allow her and her hidden talent to bring us to the desired destination."

"But won't that mean entangling ourselves with the infamous dragon beast known as Aatxe?!" Flam remarked.

"And his..." Flim gulped. "...hoarde of draconian hatchlings?"

"No... it'll mean Rainbow Dash will have to confront this so called 'Big Boss,'" Romulus said. "It'll be a force unlike anything she's ever encountered before. It could very well bring an end to our target as we know her." His one good eye glinted as he turned around to face Don Canter. "Meanwhile... we'll move in when she least expects it... when Aatxe least expects it, and we'll grab all of the shards for ourselves. Not some of them. Not half of them. But all of them."

"That sounds like quite the unnecessary risk," Don Canter slurred.

"You don't like it, then say the word, and I'll gut Rainbow Dash's intestines in her sleep." Romulus held the shard in his grasp. "But I know exactly where she is and how long it will take her to get to her destination. What we decide to do now will determine whether we... whether you come out of this as a prince or a king." He glared. "So... what will it be?"

Flim and Flam nervously exchanged glances. Sunset and Top Dog blinked. Squidgy spun about in his jar.

Don Canter took a long, hard puff of his cigar. Flicking the ashes, he sighed and exhaled, "Just where is the stupid pony now...?"

Purple Mountains, Mad At Thee

High above the western stretches of a sprawling desert, a series of rigid mountains reached high enough for snow to form. This moisture enriched the sparse soil that clung to the uneven earth, allowing for random tufts of tall grass to sway in the frigid winds. A shrill whistle perpetually howled along the summits, sending a rhythmic vibration across the otherwise desolate landscape.

It was here—one wing-flap at a time—that an exhausted pegasus descended, finally setting hoof after hours upon hours of swift flight. As soon as Rainbow Dash's limbs made contact with the hard rock, she shuddered, her body and bones assaulted by the cold sensation.

Nevertheless, she took the moment to stand in place, resting her wing muscles alongside the bulky lengths of her saddlebags. She couldn't remember the last time the feathery appendages ached so bad. Standing there—wheezing for breath—the mare dared to turn and gaze behind her. Her ruby eyes squinted, tearing slightly from the brisk winds.

Below her, a tiny town loomed, surrounded by a random assortment of farmsteads spread across the arid landscape. East of that, a narrow valley loomed between bordering mountains, and—aside from an even narrower patch—it was filled to the brim with lush apple orchards.

"Appleloosa..." Rainbow Dash sighed, then turned west again, gazing at the jagged mountain spires looming in front of her. "Can't believe I've flown that far in that short a time..."

A stone figure popped out of one of the saddlebag's pockets. "And just what—pray tell—is the significance of such a place, aside from its rather uninspiring name?"

"It's... it's the furthest west I've ever been..." Rainbow blinked at her own thoughts being produced out loud. "...like... ever."

"And is that truly such a shock to you?"

"Just... it always felt like such a long trip by train," Rainbow muttered. She squinted up at the dark shadows being cast as the sun fell beyond the rigid summits. "This mountain range... very few ponies dwell past it. Even the buffalo don't cross over. From what I'm told, there isn't much to Equestria beyond this point except a bunch of bouldery hills... and then it's all question marks until..."

"Until what?"

Rainbow shuddered. "Griffon territory..."

"Alright!" Lancie rubbed his stone paws together. "Chicken wings!"

Rainbow grumbled. "Don't even go there, Lancie. This isn't some friggin' walk in the park."

"And is it enough to put a premature halt to your glorious trip for the sister of Princess Frecklestasia."

Rainbow frowned and began climbing. "And here I thought you knew me by now."

"I do know you now." Lancie smirked. "Which is why I said that to begin with."

"Unnngh... could you at least be useful and just tell me if I'm still headed in the right direction?"

"Absolutely, Sparky.' Lancie pointed. "Your destination still lies far beyond these perilous, impenetrable mountain walls."

"Euuguhhhhh..." Rainbow groaned.

"Come come, now!" Lancie produced a fanged grin, his granite eyes wide. "Perk up! So what if it took you all day to get here! We both know you have what it takes to fly even twice the distance when your wings want it!"

"Yeah, but I'm having for the first time to keep an eye out for where I've been," Rainbow groaned. "I've gotta fly all the way back, and it wouldn't do Apple Bloom any good if I miss Ponyville upon returning."

"What can be so hard? Just do the opposite of what you're doing now, Sparky!" Lancie suppressed the urge to yawn. "Just aim for the rising sun and don't veer off course! Heh... something tells me a little practice in that department wouldn't hurt you."

"I can't afford to practice," Rainbow grumbled. "What I need now is to do."

"Spoken like a true doo-doo head."

"Shuddup." Rainbow grunted as she hobbled over a cluster of rocks. Pebbles rolled down the nearly forty-five degree incline beneath her as she climbed and climbed. "How many jars do I have left?"

"Uhmmm..." Lancie reached over her flank, opened the opposite pockets, and gazed at the sloshing contents within. "Looks like three and a half."

"Heh... making good time." Rainbow gulped. "At least I hope so." She looked over her shoulder. "Do you have any idea just how many—y'know—miles are left between here and where Aatxe has got the shards?"

Lancie shrugged. "I'm afraid it's as vague as vague gets, Sparky. I'm certainly something will light up inside me when we get within spitting range. By then, my horn should be hot enough to cook us some morning eggs!"

"No time for eating," Rainbow grumbled. "No time for sleeping."

"Oh come now, Sparky, be—"

"If Apple Bloom can't wait, then neither can I!" Rainbow snarled. "I'm only trotting now so I can let my wings rest a bit. Once they're back in business, then it's time for flight again! I gotta ration the potion so my limbs can last the whole trip and back, but if I gotta do all of this with my wings and wings alone, then so be it."

"I'm certain that wings will be your only concern once we enter dragon lands, my little pony."

"No, they'll be your concern." Rainbow glared. "Cuz if I don't make it out of this mess in one piece, you don't get your shards back! And if you don't get your shards back—"

"Alright... alright," Lancie rolled his stone eyes. "No need for the mid-plot exposition, Galadriadashie. I know what's at stake here." He squinted. "And I know who the dragons will be tying to a burning stake if you're so weak upon arrival that the winged lizards can play tiddley winks with you. I've seen you headbutt a steam-powered tank. I know you've got it in you to be a badflank."

"Dang skippy," Rainbow grunted, struggling up a craggy cliffside.

"Then why not ration the time for food, drink, and nappy-naps?" Lancie shrugged. "I know you love Applejack and will do anything for her or the red-bowed pipsqueak doppelganger of her... but what's the point in saving the damsel when the damsel-saver is in thirty burning pieces?"

"One thing at a time, Lancie," Rainbow grumbled. "I just gotta get there."

"Uh huh..." Lancie leaned back, gazing lethargically at the mare. "So... once again... you're going the distance for the pony you love..."

"Call it what you want."

Slowly, his fanged muzzle curved. "And... does the pony you love... know that she's the pony you love?"

"Gnnngh!" Rainbow slipped and caught herself, bruising her shoulder. She rubbed her aching limb and winced. "H-huh?!"

"The letter, Sparky," Lancie droned. "The damnable missive that you spent forever and a fart trying to put to paper. Did you ever hoof it to her?"

Rainbow's nostrils flared.

"Well?"

"After this... after this then... well..."

"Yes?"

"... ... ..." Rainbow's ears folded. "We'll see."

Lancie chuckled. "Ohhhhh Sparky." He sighed, leaning his granite chin on a tiny talon. "You truly are hopeless."

"Not so long as I still have a chance of getting the shards..." Rainbow wheezed. "...and you still have a chance of conjuring the iced lavender for Apple Bloom."

"And is that somehow gonna magically win the freckled fae over to your heart's oyster bay?"

"If there's anything you gotta learn, Lancie, is that loyalty is its own reward." Rainbow gnashed her teeth as she pulled the weight of her body and her belongings over the next cave, pressing ever westward across the mountains. "You ever think that maybe it's enough that I make sure that Applejack's life is healthy and wholesome?"

"You what I think?"

"What?"

"I think there are far lazier, less convoluted ways of committing suicide."

Rainbow sighed. "You know what...? Leave the thinking to me from now on."

"Lordy...!" Lancie blinked. "You are desperate, aren't you?"

"Mrmmmf..."

"...well aren't you?"

"Shut up."

"Heh..." He slid back into the saddlebag's pocket. "Shutting up and a half."

Rainbow Dash Angsts West

When Rainbow Dash finally cleared the mountains west of Appleloosa, she found a stone blue sheet of granite desert waiting beyond. Once her wings had regained their vigor, she took off, flying over the emptiness. To her relief, the plateau dropped off less than a dozen miles further, giving way to rolling grasslands and sporadic clusters of dry bushes.

The temperature rose slightly, but it wasn't as extreme as the desert where Appleloosa was located. In fact, if it was a slight bit more moist, Rainbow might have felt as though she was navigating the humid atmosphere of Fillyda again.

It occurred to the mare that she was covering far more ground (and far more swiftly) than her most recent venture south. There was something about the trip to Orlandoats that made Rainbow Dash feel as if the distance traveled was longer. She figured it had to have been the way in which she occupied her time, conversing so intimately with Stu Leaves and Applejack along the journey.

Applejack...

A savage chill ran through Rainbow's figure. She thought of the mare, but all her mind could conjure up was the sad pale sheen that had covered her best friend's face... and the way it seemed to drown out her freckles with a ghostly malaise. It was almost as if Applejack had become a completely different soul—one devoid of joy and hope. Perhaps it was a curse as much as a blessing that Rainbow Dash loved this sad Applejack all the same, and it tore at her insides just imagining the deflated tone in her voice, the utter lack of melody and drawl.

Fate had chosen to take away something... someone that Applejack loved. If it consumed all the remaining strength in Rainbow's body, she was going to restore that. Even if Applejack never knew how Rainbow Dash felt about her, the pegasus was going to be sure that there was something in this world that the farm mare could continue to cherish. Knowing that Applejack could love was almost as good as being loved. Almost...

The sun had long coasted beyond the horizon. Soon, the dull gray earth matched the even duller sky. Only once the western glow had faded did the universe come out of hiding. In such a crazily remote place, Rainbow felt herself serenaded by a shimmering chorus of starlight. In any other circumstance, she might have been dazzled. For the time being, the pinpricks of light only reminded her of the twinkle that had departed from Apple Bloom's gaze, and she threw herself westward all that much faster.

Only when the night had stretched her fatigue mind thin did Rainbow Dash finally contemplate this situation at a far more dismal angle. What if Apple Bloom did die? Could Applejack even recover? Could anypony in town rise up from such a disaster?

A lump formed in Rainbow's throat, for she realized that there were less countable feathertips on her wings than moments she had actually spent with Applejack's younger sister. It didn't occur to her until then just how... strange that was. She had once assisted Apple Bloom in training for her cutie mark, and then there was the local school talent show that she had attended. But, other than that, her moments spent with the youngest member of the Apple Family was practically nil. And that was curious, considering that Rainbow Dash adored... or at least thought she adored everything that there was to do with the strong orchard farming mare.

But then it crossed Rainbow's mind that—all things considered—she didn't truly stalk Applejack like a pony with her... intense feelings would surely have been tempted to do. Sure, there were the random-fly-by's that took her close to Sweet Apple Acres, the desperate glances across the table at Sugarcube Corner while she and her friends were all hanging out, the coordinated time slots both mares had taken to Wrap Up Winter the last three years in a row...

But, in a lot of ways, Rainbow Dash kept Applejack at hoof's length... maintaining her as a total stranger. Or, at least, far more of a stranger than she had ever truly wanted. Was this just another form of self-punishment? Did she insist to keep her eyes off the prize... for the very nature of who and what the prize was?

"Or perhaps she simply resented herself, and her lack of achievements, because a mare of her awesome qualities should clearly have accomplished more without having a heavy romantic rush weigh her down..."

"Lancie..."

"Just thinking of all the times she could have slipped into Princess Frecklepone's bedroom and... rolled around in her underwear drawer! Thinking how wonderful it was that this one countrified quadruped in all of Equestria would even have a snuggly, cozy underwear drawer just for the pegasus to make love to!"

"Lancie..."

"And the garbage bins! Whew! She'd have everything she'd need to know about Madame McDrawlhaul just by rummaging through them once in a blue moon—"

"LANCIE!" Rainbow snarled. With a dull sigh, she looked over her outstretched wings. "Just... what... in the buck...are you even doing?"

Lancie's fanged smirk glistened in the starlight. "Just felt that this adventurous nightflight needed some desperate internal monologue."

Rainbow Dash sighed and glared ahead.

"...or did you prefer brooding silence where you contemplate the futility of your ardent feelings in the face of insurmountable circumstances?"

"I think I need a power nap..."

"But..." Lancie blinked. "I thought a certain Sparky earlier said that there was no time for—"

"Power nap." Rainbow grit her teeth. "Now." She descended towards a forested thicket. "...so I'll have the strength to snap you in two in the morning."

"Now that's the spirit!" Lancie pumped a talon. "Redirect your angst outward, ya sassy susan!"

"Meh..."

The Matter of Our Discussion

"So, lemme ask you something, Sparky..."

"Mrmmmff...?" Rainbow Dash was halfway through scarfing down a loaf of bread. The east horizon behind her glowed with the birth of an early morning. Mountains and plateaus loomed to the west, and she was already flexing her wing muscles. "Make it quick."

Lancie shifted about in her saddlebag as it lay on the stone earth. "Let's say... in another universe... because anything that's ever interesting only happens in other universes..." He winked. "You know what I'm saying?"

"Mmmmff..." She gulped down the latest morsel of food. "No."

"Eh... yes, well... ahem." He craned his granite neck up. "Let's say that things happened differently. Let's say that Apple Bloom got bitten by this snake after you had confessed your feelings to the Queen of all Freckles. Would you still be going on this dangerous quest?"

"You better believe it," Rainbow grunted.

"Truly?" Lancie cocked his head to the side. "Why? I mean, after all, would you have anything left to earn? All of your feelings would be out in the open. What would be the need to exercise your sincerity?"

"This is not about me," Rainbow Dash said, finishing up the bread and dusting her hooves off. "Mrmmf... this is about..." She swallowed. "...restoring what's been taken from Applejack."

"A pony like no other." Lancie smirked. "And would you still be doing this if—let's say—you had given Applejack that letter and... she had rejected you?"

Rainbow Dash briefly froze in place.

Lancie's fanged tooth glinted. "Just how loyal would the Rainbow of that universe be."

"I don't know how you pretend to figure things," Rainbow muttered. "But my dedication to Applejack is bigger than that. It's bigger than anything."

"Big enough to consume your entire livelihood?" Lancie folded his stone forelimbs. "If I recall correctly, you were rather on top of things before I dropped in on your life."

Rainbow squinted at him. "What in the hay do you mean?"

"Ponyville's chief weathermare," he said, smiling. "The fastest pony this side of Equestria. A true blue athlete and a prime candidate for Wonderbolt Application. All of these things I've only learned about in passing glimpses, and yet... are they true anymore?" He waved a talon. "Or have they all been brushed aside for favor of winning Princess Frecklestasia's Heart..." His brow furrowed. "...even if there's no heart to be won."

"Look, Lancie, I don't know what you're even on about, but now's not the time."

"Are you sure about that?" Lancie chuckled, gesturing at the wasteland around them. "Here you are launching yourself neck-deep into the fatty folds of dragonville! When isn't it a good time to reassess your... obsession?"

"Maybe you've never been in love before," Rainbow grumbled. Lancie jolted as she hoisted the saddlebag up and re-strapped it to her body. "Which is rather depressing, given how many eons you've been around."

"Go on..."

"But all of the awesome things that I am... all of the awesome things that I've done and will do..." Rainbow gulped. "They're nothing if all I've got to share them with is myself. I need the eyes of other ponies for me to shine. And in Applejack's case..." She tugged the saddlebag tight and shuddered, facing west. "...her eyes shine the brightest. Her honesty... her sincerity..."

"And if some cataclysm was to take her out of this world... say... tomorrow..." Lancie spoke in a curiously soft tone. "...would it spell the end of Rainbow Dash?"

Rainbow gritted her teeth. "Don't even talk about such things."

"But they're worth thinking about, hmmm?" Lancie squinted. "Or else... will 'Sparky' just fizzle out without something to believe in? After all, everything she's ever needed... she's got, yes?"

Rainbow's nostrils flared. "It's not enough."

"It's never enough. So you tell yourself." Lancie gestured. "Which is why I wonder what's in store for your future. You keep struggling and struggling to win something. But what if there's no trophy in the end? Could you be going about it all the wrong way?"

"Right now..." Rainbow began trotting west. "...the only thing I need to win is Apple Bloom's life back..." She broke into a gallop. "...I like to let my actions speak for me."

"Until the day comes that you can't act anymore?" Lancie held on tight. "I know you say your middle name is 'Dangerous,' but come on. Aren't you worth more than that?"

"You think too darn much!" Rainbow launched herself skyward and flew, cruising over the stone hilltops. "Maybe that's why you've been alone for so long."

"Heh... touche..." Lancie clapped his stone hands. "If I wasn't immortal, I might take offense to that."

"And I might not care," Rainbow grunted. "Keep your senses peeled. This is going to be a long flight."

A Tree Grows in Green Stretch

Rainbow Dash flew west.

The ground beneath her grew grayer and grayer. The vegetation was sparse, but far from nonexistent. Every now and then a bubbling oasis popped up, signifying subterranean springs that breached the dry surface of the earth. The deeper the local ravines dipped, the greener they were, and Rainbow could spot numerous patches of moss and lichen lingering within their shadowed depths.

The landscape wasn't entirely desolate either. Glancing north and south, Rainbow spotted tiny hovels connected by roads. There were dome-like huts built out of mud and tightly compacted earth. At first, the pegasus didn't know what to make of them, until she flew over one particular village and was assaulted with a hauntingly familiar stench: diamond dogs.

Needless to say, Rainbow kept her body elevated. The winds here were soft, forgiving. She flew towards the horizon with ease, and her saddlebag felt lighter. This was hardly of much relief to her; a lighter bag meant that she was rid of one of her jugs of potion. So far, if this trip went on any longer, she was afraid she wouldn't have the necessary broth to carry her numb limbs back. The mare did some painful math in her head, trying to mentally sort out a way to conserve what was left of her priceless supply.

"We're making good progress, actually," Lancie said several hours past dawn. "We appear to be getting closer to our destination."

"Oh yeah?" Rainbow's muzzle scrunched. "How much closer?"

"Do you want a ballpark figure?" Lancie smirked into the wind. "Or an estimated guess from the dugout?"

"Eeeeugh..." Rainbow grumbled, eyelids even. "There are times when I wanna chuck you straight into a ravine."

"That'd make for a very boring trip," Lancie said. "Not to mention a blind one, hmmm?"

"Hmmmm..." Rainbow Dash glanced to her right. She blinked, and in that blink she spotted several tall structures shooting out of the horizon to the north. Normally, something this blatantly contrasting to the otherwise-flat environment would have startled her, except that a small piece of her fatigued memory half-expected to see them. "No friggin' way..."

"Hmm?" Lancie followed her eyesight. He too spotted the spires: tall crystalline stalks that branched out in various jagged directions, towering for dozens of stories above the otherwise barren landscape. "Well, butter my hide and call me a lamprey!"

"No," Rainbow grunted.

"Hah!" Lancie slapped his stone knee, leaning out of the saddlebag pocket. "Well well well... if those haven't gotten threadbare over the last few millennia!" He grinned wide. "Sparky, I remember when those things were shimmering all over with dangling jewells! Diamonds the size of double-decker buses! Can you imagine that?"

"Mrmmmfff..." Rainbow grumbled, keeping her eyes stapeled to the west horizon.

"Pffft... well then..." Lancie planted his hands against his hips. "...I would have expected at least something of a titter even from the likes of you! I may not exactly have an eye for beauty, but back in the day the Crystal Trees of Green Stretch stole the breath out of any mortal's lungs! You? Eh... I suppose you've seen snazzier."

"Uh huh..."

"Granted, this landscape is no longer quite so 'green' and the trees' crystal have lost much of their 'shine.'" He rubbed his stone goatee, then turned to squint at the mare. "Wait... you've seen these before, haven't you?"

Rainbow said nothing.

Lancie arched an eyebrow. "Heard of them?"

"Are your chaos senses leading us to them?"

"Er... no..."

"Then forget 'em," Rainbow grumbled. "They're not important."

"Hmmm. What a shame." Lancie shaded his eyes and squinted at the distant spires. He spotted the faintest of specks flitting from one overstretching branch to another. "Curious. Seems as though some living things have made their roosts among them."

"Yeah." Rainbow exhaled. "And then some."

"Doesn't seem like a very pegasus place to live." Lancie leaned back in his saddlebag. He smirked. "Say... you don't suppose flying pigs are no longer extinct, huh?"

"They're not flying pigs!" Rainbow snapped.

"Hah! Got you there! Flying pigs never existed!" Lancie chuckled and chuckled. "Not yet, at least!"

"Grrfff..."

"Still, it was worth it to get a rise out of you!" He smirked. "Just who exactly lives there now, Sparky? And why does it ruffle your feathers so?"

"Like I already said..." Rainbow grumbled. "It's not important."

"Are you sure about that?" Lancie tapped her skull through her mane. "Cuz it takes an awful lot to rub your coat the wrong way for no reason."

"Lancie, could you just not... not..." Rainbow blinked. She flapped her wings slower, coasting to a hovering stop.

"Hmmmm?" Lancie craned his neck to see beyond her head. "What is it?"

Both the pony and the statue stared at a thick wall of dense rock, rolling over with heav wind-blown fog. Menacing gusts flew over the rigid peaks, filling the air with a shrill, ghostly whistle. Gazing north and south, Rainbow could see that the sharp-knifed plateau stretched as far as her natural eyes could see.

"It's something, alright," Rainbow exhaled. "That's for sure."

Short Beaks

"RESSSSSHHHKKK!" A cross between a leopard and a turkey vulture pounced on an even larger griffon, wrestling him through a porcelain vase. As the two fought and tumbled, they knocked over several large statues—shattering them to avian facsimiles of their former glory. Rather than assist either one of the combatants, the other griffons simply shuffled over them and the resulting debris, making their way to a large ampitheatre where a smattering of lethargic buzzardy griffons sat, their eyes weighing with ennui and old age.

A few more fights broke out on the sidelines, creating a grim ambiance to the circular town hall building. In the center of this mess, where the acoustics were balanced enough, an old griffon with motted gray wings stood tall, orating to the half-awake crowd.

"And so, taking into account all of the observations that I have related to you, fellow brothers and sisters of a feather, I—Governor Grouse—declare that all wyvern immigration should be banned from henceforth!"

"They've relocated," groaned a middle-aged blob with feathers.

"Ehhh—whozzawhat?" The speaker adjusted his monocle. "Who relocated?"

"The wyverns," returned the griffon. Those seated next to him yawned and preened tiredly. "None of them live in griffon airspace anymore... or pony lands for that matter."

"Oh... uh... well... erm..." The elder leaned forward. "When did this happen?"

"... ... ...about sixty years ago."

"Huh... then how come we started this meeting to address the wyvern problem?"

"It wasn't about a wyvern problem, ya old windbag!" wheezed an old crone from the higher seats. A birdcat that looked even twice her age leaned against her, snoring through a withery break. "It was about the shrew infestation of the central north branches!"

"Hah! Shrew infestation?!" Governor Grouse bore a liver-spotted grin. "We haven't had a shrew infestation since the wyverns moved in and cleaned them out for us!"

"Ughhhhhhhhhh..." The whole lot moaned and groaned... but were too lazy to get up and leave the premises.

"Well, then, let's move onto something I've personally put at the top of our agenda!" Grouse adjusted his monocle and shuffled through his sheets. "Ahem... how to balance out the issue of mouse overpopulation. I'd say we start introducing shrews to the local treelife..."

There was another collective groan, this one even more subdued. The young griffons continued their fights, or else took them outside. All the while, Rainbow Dash fluttered limply inside. She almost instantly retched from the foul smell of the place.

"Holy smokes..." Rainbow waved a hoof in front of her muzzle. "...it's like a manticore's outhouse in here!"

"I find this place rather provocative," Lancie said, poking his head slightly out of the backpack. "Try to imagine... a giant birdcage with no zookeeper." He chuckled to himself. "I bet these turkeys read toilet paper to check on the stock market!"

"Meh..." Rainbow grumbled, shuffling forward. "You've delivered better."

"Oh hush. I think that's a brilliantly chaotic gag. I'll be sure to conjure it the first thing I..." Lancie froze in mid-speech.

Rainbow squinted at him. "The first thing you what?"

"Er... never mind." Lancie shrugged. "Just thinking aloud."

"Care to give some more commentary on that?"

"No can do, Sparky," Lancie said. "It's too short a chapter."

"Whatever." Rainbow sighed and made a bee-line for the Governor. "Looks like he's in charge. I think my best bet for getting anything done is with him."

"I know I'm not the expert on order here, but..." Lancie tapped his granite goatee. "Shouldn't you be making a reservation, or...?"

"No friggin' time," Rainbow grumbled. "Apple Bloom can't wait for red tape. Besides..." She pointed at a half-sleeping, fully-drooling griffon as they passed on by. "...doesn't exactly look like they do things by the book here."

"I suppose that is rather charming," Lancie said. "Although it doesn't exactly give hope for them assisting you... er... us..."

"It's a chance I've gotta take."

"And have you got a Plan B, Sparky?"

Rainbow paused just long enough to throw a forlorn glance outside a distant entrance. Once again, she saw a branch covered in green vegetation. "Mmmmf... I might..."

"Might?" Lancie's stone brow furrowed. "Why not just switch it to Plan A?"

"Because I'd rather embrace a skunk's kiss!" Rainbow barked. "Now... let's get this over with."

Rat's Ass, Griffonsouri

"Governor Grouse?"

"Hrmmfff..." The molting quadruped shuffled through a briefcase full of papers. "I knew I had the results from the Squirrel Expulsion Commission around here somewhere. Mrmmff... what did I label that thing, anyways? 'A Treatise on the Trail of Nuts?' Bah!"

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow Dash leaned closer to the podium, clearing her throat. "Governor Grouse... sir?"

"Could have sworn I forwarded it to Senator Quailbeak." Grouse tilted his snout up. "Hey Senator Quailbeak!!!"

"Senator Quailbeak is dead!" rasped a voice from the circle of seats.

"Huzza-what?" Grouse blinked.

"I said Senator Quailbeak is dead!"

"Since when?" Grouse squinted. "Last winter?"

"Ten years ago!"

"Ohhhhh." Grouse nodded. A beat. "Well did he taste good?"

"Governor Grouse!!!" Rainbow hollered in the griffon's face.

"Hold your damn voice down!" The bird-thing raised a talon, wincing. "He's not in his office at the moment! Can I take a message—" He shook his ruffled feathers. "Oh. Wait. Yes! I am Governor Grouse!" He smiled with the briefest sparkle of pride in his hawkeyes. "... Squawwwk! Anyways, he's not in his office. He's speaking to the Avian Council right now—"

"Sir, we're inside the Avian Council!" Rainbow Dash said.

"Eh, what was that?"

"I said we're inside the Avian Council!"

"Psssst!" Lancie stuck his stone snout out her saddlebag. "Ask him who ate second base!"

"You stay out of this!" Rainbow snarled.

"Stay out of what?!" Grouse frowned. "I was the one who signed the Squirrel Expulsion Act!" He tilted his head up and tapped his beak. "Or was that Quailbeak...? Bah! I'll as him next Tuesday at lunch."

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash leaned in close, gripping the elder creature's shoulders. "Is. There. A. Non. Demented. Griffon. In. Charge. Who. I. Can. Talk. To?"

"Shhhhh! Silly soft-hoof!" Governor Grouse waved a dismissing talon. "You can't talk here! We've got a Council Meeting in session!"

Rainbow slowly turned around. She gazed at a scarcely populated ampitheatre full of snores, shed feathers, and glazed eyes. She turned back towards the Governor with a glare. "Some session, buddy. What do you for the State of the Union? Put everyone into a coma?"

"Hmmm? Coma?" Grouse glanced around, beak clattering. "Is it hibernating season yet?" He patted his leathery belly. "I haven't got a single worm in me!"

"Look... dude..." Rainbow sighed, waving her forelimbs. "I'm not here to... expel squirrels or dictate how you guys prepare for winter. All I want..." She pivoted and pointed out the west window for emphasis. "The only thing that I want is for you guys—you griffons to shut off the wind barricade above the cliffs just long enough for me to pass on through."

"Hmmm? Wind barricade?"

"Y'know..." Rainbow's eyes pierced hard like daggers. "The big dumb gray wall thingy to the west?"

"... ... ..."

"That you guys built."

"... ... ..."

"Across half the frickin' continent!"

Grouse leaned back with a gasp. "Ohhhh! The wind barrier! Ah... but of course!"

Rainbow exhaled through a tired grin. "Now we're getting somewhere!"

Grouse shook his feathery head. "I can't do it."

Rainbow's ears drooped.

"Centuries ago, sure, the Council was in charge of minding the Wind Chalice. Braaak! Yes! It was the shiniest, proudest treasure of griffondom! Aside from the Idol of Boreas to the northeast... but... BAH! Who ever visits that decrepit flea circus Griffonstone anyways?!"

"Yeah..." Rainbow grimaced as she heard another fight knock over even more pottery and statues in the distance. "...that'd be an embarrassing trip for sure..."

"No no... we realized that it was the young feathers who were the strongest of us. Fierce. Loyal." Grouse beat his chest, eyes sharp. "Foolhardy and unafraid to spill blood for honor!" He smiled, his gray eyelashes fluttering. "Also, our top avian scientists discovered a bit too late that only griffons aged forty or younger possess brains larger than a pigeon's. Pffft... whatever that's supposed to mean." He glanced casually down, then squinted at a twitching lion's tale. "Good lord... how long's that been there?"

"Yeahhhhhh... so... uhm..." Rainbow squirmed from side to side. "This Wind Chalice. It's... erm... with the younger griffons, then?"

"Squaawwk! Absolutely!" Grouse somehow managed a toothy grin. "Do you wanna see it?"

Rainbow Dash leaned in. "... ... ...maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe."

"Well, why didn't you say so?!" Governor Grouse stuffed his papers into his briefcase and shuffled up the steps of the ampitheatre. "Follow me, soft-hooves! I think I can squeeze in some time before I have to attend the City Council!"

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow Dash glanced awkwardly at the half-sleeping crowd.

"Wait a minute..." Grouse shuffled to a stop, squinting. "Squirrels...?" He shrugged with his molting wings. "Eh... must have dreamed it."

"Don't we all." Rainbow put on her best smile and pointed out the nearest door. "Right this... way?"

"Hah! Guess we'll both find out!"

The two descended, approaching a barren branch devoid of trees, grass, or any green nest of any kind. Instead, this crystalline bough was covered all over in hollowed-out structures, broken buildings, and more than a liberal smattering of scarlet stains. The continuous sound of squawking and scraping could be heard like a tormented orchestra. Far below, the stone landscape was piled up with all sorts of questional debris and detritus, situated immediately below the platform.

"...did I ever tell you about the time we built a long wall enchanted with impenetrable winds?!" Governor Grouse wheezed with a proud grin.

"Erm... no." Rainbow Dash bit her lip, floating alongside the griffon. "...but by all means, go ahead."

"This one time, we built a wall." Grouse smiled tiredly, coasting over several delapidated apartment complexes. "It was long and we enchanted it with impenetrable winds."

All was silent, save for distant bedlam, increasing in volume.

"Well, then!" Rainbow Dash chirped. "What a coincidence! I'm... uh... looking for a way to get past that barrier!"

"No can do, soft-hooves!" Grouse landed on a bed of gravel. "If you want to even remotely do that, then you'll have to ask for the Wind Chalice from the Youth Council Headquarters!" He turned and looked at the precariously leaning building standing directly in front of him. "Oh! Look! The Youth Council Headquarters!" He chuckled and rubbed his beak. "I wonder if they hold the Wind Chalice there..."

"Uhhh... I think I can take it from here, sir," Rainbow Dash said.

"Hold it there, soft hooves," the Governor said, stretching his talon out. "Best leave this between avian kind."

"Hey..." Rainbow Dash grinned. "I may not look it, but I know my way around griffons."

Grouse let loose a shrill whistle.

In a third story window, someone with a buzzard beak stuck his long neck out, blinking. He gobbled in a high-pitched voice.

"WHAT?!?!" hollered a single, screaming voice, and all the rest of the violent commotion stopped. "WHAT COULD HE POSSIBLY WANT?!"

"Howdy, Fibb!" Grouse waved at the charcoal-black window spaces. "Looks like you have company! Pony company!"

"SONUVA—" Just then, the air filled with enormous loud thuds.

Rainbow Dash shook where she stood. She looked all around with nervous eyes. Lancie stuck his head out. "What is that insufferable clodding?" he asked. "Thunder?"

"No..." Rainbow gulped. "I think it's... wings flapping..."

Just then, something huge and pale came bursting out from the depths of the granite building. THUD! Its meaty lion shoulders collided with the doorframe, but it didn't stop there. THUD! THUD! THUNKKK! The creature repeatedly slammed at the frame, finally bursting through with an explosion of plaster. Rainbow Dash found herself dwarfed in the shadow of a mountainous griffon with a bald-ego head and a million veiny muscles to support it.

"DAMMIT GRAMPS!" Fibb hollered, his neck popping feathers with each drooling breath. "I TOLD YOU NEVER TO COME DOWN HERE WHEN I'M SPARRING!"

"Hey-hey!" Governor Grouse smiled, pointing up at the creature. "I have a grandson who looks just like you!" WHAMMM! A cedar-thick talon knocked him back by a dozen yards. "... ... ... hits like you t-too!"

Thomas F Birdson

"Buh?" Rainbow's eyes crossed.

"BUH?!?!" Fibb's meaty body spun towards the petite pegasus, causing a miniature cyclone to born into a premature death above them both. TH-THUD! His gnarled talons formed cracks against the crystalline floor beneath them. "WHAT KIND OF WHINNY SPEAK IS 'BUH," SOFT HOOVES?!" The griffon's eagle beak opened three times as wide in the next shout, revealing to Rainbow just what kind of breakfast the brute had consumed the past three mornings. "DO YOU EVEN FEATHER?!"

"I... I..." Rainbow leaned back, her mane and wingtips slick with saliva. A nervous smile crossed her muzzle as she fought an oncoming wave of trembles. "Oh... s-sure, buddy!" Her teeth gritted. "I... feather all the time! Sometimes I feather in the sunlight when everyone's looking!"

"STUPID PONY!" Fibb flapped his wings, summoning a heavy wind that pushed the granite building into an awkward lean beside them. "SUNLIGHT IS FOR DWEEBS AND DWEEBETTES! JUST SPIT IT OUT!" The veins around his feathery neck bulged. "GRAMPS SENT YOU HERE TO MAKE ME LOOK STUPID, DIDN'T HE?!"

Rainbow's muzzle hung open. She felt a tremor in her saddlebag and thwapped it with her tail. "I... don't think I could even do that if I tried."

"GRRRRRRRRR!" Fibb arched his neck up and squawked into the gray haze of the towering spire. "THIS SOFT-HOOF IS BLEEDING FOR A PREENING! FIBB STYLE! TWEETER! GO FETCH MY ANGRY HELMET!"

"R-right, Fibb!" The vulture-beaked griffon clattered from the window, rolled down the stairs, and knocked a dozen things over on the way towards the delapidated building's front entrance. He stumbled out with a heavily dented metal cap with a chin strap. "Here you go, boss—"

"RAAAAUGH!" Fibb super-kicked Tweeter in the face, knocking the wheezing griffon out of sight. The helmet spun in mid-air until a meaty talon gripped it. Fibb then strapped the dinky cap atop his skull and strapped it under his beack to the best of his ability. "HRRRRRRRGH!" He flexed his muscles, sneering into Rainbow's flinching muzzle. "ANGRY HELMET MAKES FIBB'S BLOOD FLOW!" He headbutted the floor several times, making six fresh craters with his razor sharp beak. Cl-Cl-Clankkkk! "SPEAK, SOFT HOOF! SPEAK INTO THE HELMET BEFORE I EVISCERATE..." He froze in mid-shout, drooling, hawk-eyes darting about.

Tweeter pulled out of a crystalline pile of refuse. "Snkkkt... 'you,' boss..." He wheezed.

"EVISCERATE YOUUUUUUUUU!" Fibb yelled into Rainbow's face.

Rainbow teetered back, caught herself with her wings, then tipped herself back to her front hooves. "Ahem..." Forcing herself to carry a straight face, she slicked her mane back, folded her wings, and then said, "...say 'please.'"

"WHAAAAAT?!" Fibb raised a set of lacerated talons. SCHIIIING! His beak's nostrils flared. "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS... THIS 'PLEASE?!'"

"Ooomf!" Governor Grouse crawled back to the scene, smiling a bloody smile. "I do believe it is a term of endearing politeness."

"POLITENESS?! BRAWWWWK! IT'S A SOFT HOOF TRICK!"

"Actually, if I recall, we made allies with ponies long after the last Ice Age thawed," Grouse said with a smile. "Ever since, we've benefited from the honey we've harvested from their insectoid vomit." A blink, and he scratched his molting head. "Wait... or maybe that was the dragons." A beat. "Yup. Definitely the dragons. Tastiest vomit there's ever—"

"AA-AAA-AAAAUGH!" Fibb grabbed Grouse by the neck. "GRAMPS TALKS TOO MUCH! GO DO MY DISHES!" And he flung him towards the central stalk of the tree.

"Oh dear—" WHACK! Grouse ricocheted off the crystalline structure so hard it made the upper platforms wobble. A few griffons shrieked in surprise overhead, then resumed their ritualistic mid-air sparring contests. "Whew... could use a nap." Th-Thud! Grouse was out like a light.

"Holy—" Rainbow Dash began. "Scrkkk!" She wheezed, suddenly the recipient of a meaty, strangulating grasp.

"AND YOU!" Fibb held the mare up by her neck. "I'M TIRED OF YOUR SQUAWKING, GRAMPS! THE NEXT TIME YOU COME HERE, IT'D BETTER BE WITH A YAK SANDWICH—"

"Dude... snkkt... d-didn't you just pulverise your gr-grandpappy over there?!" Rainbow pointed with a trembling hoof.

Fibb did a double-take, his tiny metal helmet rattling to a stop. "YOU ARE NOT MY GRAMPS?!"

Rainbow felt the grip growing tighter. She smiled, sweating. "If... I-I agree to be your Gramps for the day... will you not eviscerate me?"

Silence.

"ABOUT TIME YOU SHOWED UP, GRAMPS!" Fibb spun and threw Rainbow like a missile at the building's entrance. "NOW DO MY DISHES!"

"Aaaaaaaaaa—" Rainbow Dash flew into Tweeter just as the vulture-cat-thing was getting up. "OOOF!" Both tumbled into the interior together, collapsing somewhere dark and dank inside.

"... ... ...of all the things in the world you could convince that cretin you were, it had to be his incompetent forebearer..."

"Lancie, if I were you, I'd find softer places for me to land on..."

"RAAAAAUGH!" Fibb charged and slammed-slammed-slammed his thick way back through the crumbling front entrance. "BISCUITS!"

GG Uninstall

"Unnnfff..." Rainbow Dash crawled to her hooves. The rancid smell of avian feces and molting wings filled her nostrils, and she nearly regurgitated within the same breath. Covering her muzzle, she glanced around her dismal domain with twitching eyes.

The roost was filled to the brim with griffons of all sizes, shapes, and sexes. They lounged about like a pride of lions, but sporadically shrieked and chirped like a cage full of parrots. Several hawk-eyes drifted Rainbow's way, before returning to upsidedown magazines and scrapbooks full of rodent dissection photos. A few thick-muscled thugs nipped at one another, their beaks chipped from days of fighting and butting heads. In the far corner, a wall-eyed thing with peacock feathers repeatedly bumped into a skull-shaped impression set within the crumbling plaster.

As Rainbow Dash stood up, Lancie made himself scarce, scurrying to the deepest pocket of her saddlebag. With a slight grunt, the pegasus brushed her hooves off, flexed her wings, then smiled at the group. "So... uh... how about them Atlantrot Hawks, huh?"

WHAMMMM! A thick talon pummeled Rainbow Dash, sending her into the delapidated kitchen. "SHUT UP, GRAMPS!" Fibb spat. "I'M ALLERGIC TO SPORTS!"

"Ooofa!" Rainbow stumbled against the kitchen sink.

"NOW DO THE DISHES!" Fibb sneered, randomly punching a pelican-faced groupie to his right. "OR ELSE!"

"Dishes...?!" Rainbow immediately retched, for right in front of her was a basin filled to the brim with partially nibbled ham bones. "But... but this is just a bunch of animal—"

"I SAID DO THE DISHES OR FIBB SIT ON YOU!"

"Okay! Okay! Uhhh..." Rainbow gulped, grabbing a random dish-rag and using it to "scrub" a thick rib bone "clean." "Whew! This soap suuuure is sudsy!" She tried looking out the kitchen window while rubbing concentric circles. A spiderweb full of black widows scurried clean, and the glass behind was too grimy with seagull poop to reflect her quivering muzzle. "Do you... uh... want me to touch up the spatulas too?"

"HELL NO!" Fibb stomped stomped stomped his way across the living room and SLAMMED his lion butt down into an oversized lazy chair. "THAT WILL GIVE SPATULAS THE WRONG IDEA! SQUAAAWWWK! TWEETERRRR!"

"C-coming right up, boss!" The vulture-thing skittered over on scrawny limbs. He body-pressed himself to the floor, spine up, right before the lazy chair. "Here you go—" FWUMMP! He wheezed, his body quivering from the weight of Fibb's lower talons resting on his tailbone. "Gnnkkkt... nice... w-work on the cankles, Fibb!"

"SHUT UP! FOOTSTOOLS DO NOT PREACH RELIGION!" Fibb leaned back, whistling into the air. "PUNCHING BAAAGS!"

A pair of bruised griffons shuddered, nevertheless floating over on quivering wings until they hovered directly above the chair. "Here you go, boss. But... haven't you done enough 'sparring?'"

"HAH HAH HAH! SILLY PUNCHING BAGS!" Fibb repeatedly slammed his knuckles against them, and the two pummeled griffons did their best to float in place. "IF I WANTED TO REALLY REALLY TRAIN, I WOULD HAVE CALLED FOR THE TREADMILL!"

In the far corner, a pale griffon with a savagely bent spine shrieked, spun about, and dove suicidally out the nearest window. CRASSSH!

Rainbow winced. She tossed the rib-bone over her shoulder, grabbed a raccoon's pelvis from the sink, and began "scrubbing" it with the dishrag instead. Gulping, she looked to her right.

"Hey boys!" An athletic griffon shuffled up with a newspaper. He motioned some of Fibb's groupies over and pointed at the front page article. "Check it out! According to this, the Griffon Empire pushed the Minotaur Militia out of Griffonstone! Woohoo! Go us!"

The others squinted at the page. One looked over, frowning. "Clyde... this newspaper is over forty years old."

The athlete blinked. "You bastard!" Clyde pounced on his friend, wringing his feathered neck. "What did you do to time?! TELL ME!"

The others cheered him on while the pounced griffon wheezed desperately for air.

"... ... ..." Rainbow blinked. She looked to her left.

Two female griffons with rosy feathers sat side by side.

"So... Fibb asked me to the dance on Saturday night."

"Oh really?" The other examined her talons, sneering out the side of her beak. "Does he realize that dances are places that you go to without shedding blood?"

"Pffft. The Hell does that matter? Squawwwk! The Governor's Grandkid means free punch."

"Heh... that's not all that's free." Suddenly, the other female griffon jolted in place. She dropped what she was doing and stood up, revealing a bright white egg in her thatched seat. "Omigosh! Omigosh! Velma, look!"

The griffon took one glance, squawked, and slammed the raw egg over her friend's skull. "YOU HUSSEY!" SMASH!

With panther-like shrieks, both creatures pounced on one another, striking each other with the cat-ends first. They rolled across the room, knocking lounging griffons off their talons and bumping into a half-shattered liquor cabinet.

"HEY! CHICKS!" Fibb hollered between pummeling strikes of the two groupies above him. "WHILE YOU'RE OVER THERE WHY DON'T YOU GRAB ME A DRINK?! CUZ GRAMPS IS TOO DAMN LAZY!"

Rainbow grimaced, tossing the pelvis over her shoulder.

Lancie poked his head out. "I'm starting to like it here..."

"Oh hush!" Rainbow slapped him back into hiding, returning to "dishwashing" as she struggled to formulate the courageous start to an absurd conversation.

A Little More Than a Brush-Off

A migrainesque half-hour later, Rainbow Dash finished tossing the last of many-many small mammal bones into the putrid pile of the room. She dusted her hooves off. "Well... uhm... grandson... the 'dishes' are done." She tossed the dishrag into the foul-smelling ether and turned around. "So... your... uh... your Grandpappy was wondering if perhaps you might be willing to lend him the... Wind... Chalice..." She froze in place, blinking.

Fibb had collapsed entirely into the deep folds of his chair. His head hung back, and he snored through his rattling beak. More than a liberal amount of drool collected on the grimy floor of the place.

Rainbow Dash gnashed her teeth. "Oh for Pete's sake!"

"Hmmm?! What?!" A blunt-beaked griffon woke up in the corner of the room, bursting out of a pile of broken furniture. "I did nothing, Fibb! I swear!" He cowered. "Please! Don't hit!"

"She wasn't talking to you, Petey," another griffon groaned, flying through the room. She glared in Rainbow's direction. "Look. He's down for the count. Wherever you're from, stranger, it's probably for the best that you leave it that way."

"But I can't leave it that way!" Rainbow hissed through her teeth and pointed at the bulbously muscular youth. "This dude is my only ticket to grabbing the Wind Chalice!"

"The Wind Chalice?" a griffon echoed from the distant corner. "BRAAAAK! What in Boreas' Beak do you need that for?!"

"Is it really such a big friggin' deal?" Rainbow frowned. "I just need you guys to lower the winds to the west barrier for a quick sec and then I'm out of your hair... er... feathers!"

"Look, lady," said another griffon, stifling a yawn as she draped herself over the back of a sofa. "Nobody does anything with the Chalice but the Governor's Grandson. That's the law... or at least I think it is." She shrugged. "Hard to read something once it's been smoked."

Rainbow pointed at the oversized creature with disgust. "Why do you birdos even follow a walking slab of meat like him anyways?"

"Because he's the strongest, bloodiest, killingest griffon there is," said a birdcat from the corner. Her eyes sparkled as she cooed through her beak. "And he's just... so eloquently spoken too..."

Rainbow Dash snarled. "I don't have friggin' time for this." She flew over, grabbed Fibb's tiny metal helmet, pulled it up to the furthest extent of its elastic straps, then let go.

Sn-SNAP! The article slammed into the top of Fibb's skull. "Grrrr-RAWWWWWWWK! BLBLBLBLBLBBB—BEEF PATTIES!" He stood up straight, his hawkeyes twitching. He stared down at the pegasus while veins popped beneath his neck feathers. "WHAT THE HELL, GRAMPS?!"

Grip! Rainbow Dash yanked on his lion's tail. "Now you listen to me, ya bloated zeppelin with features..." Her brow furrowed savagely. "I'm not your grandfather, and I'm no soft hooves. What I can be is your worst friggin' nightmare if you don't give me the Wind Chalice and give it to me right this—" POWWW! A meaty talon flew into her face.

"NICE TRY, GRAMPS!" Fibb gave a cocky smile. He jumped up and came back down, his haunches smashing the lazy chair to bits. "BUT THAT WIND CHALICE SITS PRETTY IN MY TROPHY ROOM AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO—" The cretin froze in place, throwing a beady-eye in the direction of the kitchen. "...WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU TO CLEAN THE DISHES?!"

"Okay... that's it!" Rainbow Dash hopped back up, wiping the blood from her muzzle. "I know the only kind of language to deal with the likes of you! Buffalo!" She flew straight into him and punched him several times in the chest and beak. "Hah! How do you like that buffalo?! I'll buffalo you in the buffalo guts until you buffalo die from it! Buffalo!"

At last, she finished, slumping in place with aching hooves. Next, she blinked, for she realized that she had done nothing to affect the griffon. She hadn't even fazed him. She looked up, her ears folding in the shadow of his burning glare.

"Eheheheh..." She took a pensive step back, then raised a hoof. "Have you ever considered s-subscribing to friendship? It's magical, y'know."

CRASSSSH!

Rainbow's body flew through the east wall of the building. She rolled several times, then slid to a stop at the very edge of the crystalline platform. Behind her, the building echoed with shrieks and chirps. The other griffons cheered, and soon Fibb was staring out with a wicked grin.

"YOU ARE NEVER GETTING THE WIND CHALICE, GRAMPS! NOT WITH THOSE NOODLES ON YOU! HAHAHAHA! GET A JOB!"

And he retreated into the center of the hovel, dragging a few "punching bags" with him.

"Mrmmmfgghhh..." Rainbow Dash stirred.

Lancie crawled out of her saddlebag. He rubbed his jaw, wincing slightly. Looking all around, he eventually brightened, found his fang, then snapped the cracked thing back into his granite jaw. "Well, then..." He brushed his talon and paw off. "Reconsidered taking up chicken dinners?"

"Please tell me I-I've been punched by worse things," Rainbow grumbled, struggling to sit up.

"I've only had hints of your love life before you and I collided," Lancie said. "So, no, I can't help you out here."

"Just when I need help the most... grrrr..." Rainbow Dash rubbed her chin, glaring into the building across the platform. "Just how does a society function when it entrusts all of its power into melon fudges like that?"

"The same society that could easily wipe ponies off the face of the planet if both cultures went to war."

"Hey, that's never been proven," Rainbow said, pointing. "And, besides, we've survived more than one war with them in the past."

"Don't get your feathers all ruffled, Sparky," Lancie said. "I think we both secretly know that the griffons' inability to get their act together is what keeps them a rung below pigeons."

"Yeah... sure..." Rainbow nodded with a sigh. "I'll buy that."

"Soooooo... are we flying around the continent, then?"

"Lancie... guh..." Rainbow frowned and began pacing. "Don't even start! You know we've got no time for that!" She spun and gestured. "Apple Bloom has no time for that!"

"As the broken record hidden in your mane has alerted me with great redundancy," Lancie said, folding his granite forelimbs. "Then what are our options here?"

"I... I... tch..." Rainbow spun around, voice cracking. "I don't know!"

"Or maybe you do, but you're hesistant for some reason."

Rainbow Dash bit her lip.

"Maybe you can avoid 'Plan B,' Sparky... but I don't think Apple Bloom can afford to."

Rainbow sighed, hanging her head. "... ... ...you're right, Lancie."

The statue blinked, then leaned forward, cupping a paw around his ear. "What was that? Did I just hear Tartarus freezing over?"

"No, you didn't." Rainbow gulped, gazing down at the platform full of green foliage. "But, by the end of today, I'll have wished it did."

Lancie shrugged. "Whatever the challenge is, you've got it in the bag!"

"Yeah... yeah I do..." Rainbow Dash stood up tall, then stretched her wings as Lancie hopped into her saddlebag. "After all... it's familiar territory."

"That's the spirit, Sparky!"

"Besides..." Rainbow Dash glided off into the air. "...who can resist an awesome smile like mine?"

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

The front door to the cottage opened with a creak.

"Gilda!" Rainbow Dash bore a cheeky grin. She flung her forelimbs wide. "How's it hoofin', gi—" WHAM!!! A fisted talon flew across her face. "Rrrrgh! Thnnuvvaaa...!"

"Grfff!" Gilda flicked her lion's tail and marched straight out the door, past the stumbling mare. "I've got nothing to say to you, dweeb."

"Gghhghh—gfflda—Gilda, wait!" Rainbow Dash waved a hoof, turning to look at her with puppy dog eyes. "This is super crazy important. A little foal's life is at stake. As a friend, won't you at least consi—?" WHAM!!! "Grrnnghhh! Mfff frfffghn nothhe!"

"You're not my friend!" Gilda snarled, beak producing sparks. "You even said so yourself! I dunno what you're doing here, but buzz off!" FWOOOOOSH! With a hawk shriek, she roared off over the waving green foliage of her lush platform.

Rainbow Dash spat blood onto the thin soil, rubbing her muzzle again.

Lancie emerged from her bag. "It's not too late to consider the 'continental flight' thing."

"Lancie, stuff it." Rainbow flapped her wings, soaring after the griffon. "Gilda! Gilda, please, wait up...!"

Old Friends, Pooping on Park Benches Like Bookends

Gilda sighed, calmly flying up the length of the crystalline super-tree. Her wings aimed for a platform looming halfway up the southwest face. After zipping past several criss-crossing figures, she heard a voice cracking from behind her.

"I could really use some help! Like... super awesome help!" Rainbow Dash stammered. "I mean it, Gilda. I wouldn't have come all the way here unless it was something that scored... like... an eleven on the 'serious' scale!"

Gilda's feathers ruffled as she frowned. "Y'know..." She hissed without looking back. "Isn't it funny how we just conveniently decide when things are serious and when they're not!"

"Huh?!" Rainbow Dash blinked, floundering briefly in midair. "What's that even mean?!"

"Unnngh..." Gilda growled and flapped her wings harder. "Get lost, Rainbow Dash."

"No, come on! Level with me!" Rainbow's wings blurred as she caught up with the griffon. "What are you even going on about?"

"I don't know what's lamer," Gilda mumbled. "The fact that you don't remember or the fact that you're even stooping to ask."

"Dude, don't play coy with me! You know that doesn't work!"

"Rainbow, you don't know anything. There hasn't been anything to know in... I dunno... months!"

"Look, just don't sandbag me, alright?" Rainbow put on a lopsided smile. "You and I go way back!"

"Way back, huh...?"

"Yeah! Y'know... old friends and all that jazz!"

"Is that a fact?!" Gilda finally turned back to look at her, and she did so with the mother of all sneers: "Cuz I distinctly remember you saying that maybe I 'should find some new cool friends somewhere else!'"

Rainbow Dash blinked. "... ... ...wow, good memory."

"Ugh!" Gilda soared skyward. "I am so done with you."

"Hey, Gilda! Come onnnn..." Rainbow Dash shrugged, lagging behind. "That's ancient history! I'm talking... like... sixty fight scenes ago at least!"

"I dunno what you're talking about and I don't care..."

"Where you off to in such a hurry, anyways?"

"Some of us have work to do!" Gilda reached the edge of the platform, touched down, and glared behind her shoulder. "Unlike ponies, griffons can't be stupid slackers twenty-four seven!"

"Hey! I've got a job!" Rainbow frowned. "Heck, I've got—like—three of them!"

"Three jobs," Gilda droned.

"Okay. Two and a half. But one of them involves lots of explosions!" Rainbow smiled crookedly. "You and I used to like explosions, r-right?"

"Last warning, dweebster," Gilda grumbled. She shuffled off onto the main platform with a flick of her lion's tail. "Take a hike. I don't need you cramping my style when I'm home of all places."

"Just one small favor and I'm out of your feathers!" Rainbow squinted. "...Gilda?!"

There was no response. The griffon was gone.

Lancie stuck his head out of Rainbow's satchel. "This was your Plan B?"

"Dang it, Lancie, just... j-just give me a moment to think," Rainbow grumbled, shuffling in place.

"Might as well bury Princess Frecklestasia's sister at this point," the statue rambled. "Put a big feather on her tombstone above the words 'Could Have Lived a Healthy Life, But Buck That, Birdcats, Mothe—'"

"I said will you hush?!" Rainbow Dash tapped her chin, fuming. At last, she banged her colorful skull a few times, then blinked—eyes bright.

"...did you just think of something or was that your Desi Arneighs impression?"

"I've got an idea, alright."

"Does it involve everypony's favorite grumbling barn owl who dipped her beak in strawberry shebert?"

"Shhhh... nopony knows Gilda as well as I do."

"I'd say they're better off."

"Just watch and learn," Rainbow said, alighting the platform after her past friend.

You'll Grow Feathers On Your Talon

Gilda flew for several blocks down an industrial district of the lofty griffon city. Touching down past a row of warehouses, she trotted towards a large brick building with tall chimneys that billowed smoke into the air. Several other griffons joined her in the casual shuffle. For the most part, the urbanscape here was considerably less rowdy than elsewhere, though that didn't stop an occasional fist-fight or two from breaking out along the outer fringes. Whenever a griffon fell down for the count, Gilda and her companions simply stepped over them and proceeded with their march.

At last, Gilda entered the side door to the brick building. Steam hung along the rooftops, and moisture coated the translucent gray windows. The heavy sound of machinery and buzzing instruments filled her ears. With an emotionless breath, she got into line, punched in at a time clock, then proceeded into a lockerroom. Most of the griffons there had already emptied, leaving behind a find coat of feathers that stuck to the moldy floor.

Ignoring the general malaise all around her, Gilda reached a single locker, opened it, and began reaching for the contents within. She plopped a yellow hard hat atop her skull, then threw a white workcoat on... or at least tried to. With an inward groan, the catbird fussed and struggled, her beak struggling to break through the neckline.

Suddenly, a pair of blue hooves reached in from behind and yanked the collar down.

Gilda's head burst through, and she breathed with relief. "Thanks, Rainbow—" Her eyes bugged and she spun around with a squawwwwking sound. "What the frig?!"

"Seriously?" Rainbow leaned back with a smirk, sporting a petite helmet and workcoat of her own. "You put your helmet on before the coat? What are you, a kindergartener?"

"What are you frickin' doing here?!" Gilda snarled.

"Plus, you hatched out of an egg. Why's a jacket so hard for y—" Rainbow suddenly wheezed.

Gilda gripped her throat with an angry talon. "Answer the question, dweeb!" she snarled into her muzzle.

Rainbow gnashed her teeth, using her wings to bat away Gilda's grip. "You know what they say: 'When in Roam.'"

Gilda's glaring eyes flickered. "You can't work here! You're a pony!"

"Right." Rainbow grinned. "I volunteered."

"You c-can't volunteer!"

"Uhhhh... yeah I can." Rainbow turned and pointed out the lockerroom doorway. "That dude with the pelican beak practically paid me to take this thing off him!"

"You mean Old Gus?!" Gilda folded her feline forelimbs, frowning. "That old gull is a wino! He's practically fired next week!"

"Well, guess you can thank me later for the shift coverage!"

"And just how long do you plan on pulling this stupid little stunt, soft-hooves?"

Rainbow frowned. "Until the moment you stop being a butt and help me."

"Pffft... ain't gonna happen." Gilda spun around with a twirl of her tail. "So why don't you—"

"'Buzz off.' Yeah. I get it," Rainbow angrily marched after her. "Seriously, girl, were you hatched with those friggin' words tattooed to your crest feathers?"

"I'm gonna say it until you get a clue."

"Well, good thing for both of us I'm a clueless idiot!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "Now will you stop dragging your talons and hear me out?"

"I'd much rather hear my own mother regurgitating a porcupine..." Gilda grumbled.

"Gilda, let's not bring your old trips to the prison into this..." Rainbow glanced around as the two traversed a steamy hallway. "...what the hay does a girl like you do at a job like this anyways?"

"Nothing a prissy prancing pony like you could possibly handle."

"Bring it," Rainbow said, tilting her helmet forward with a smug grin. "I've handled you in the past, haven't I?"

"Pffft! Hardly!"

"Then name another pegasus who even tried!"

"... ... ..." Gilda merely glared at the passing floor tiles.

"Well?!"

"Just leave me alone, Dash," Gilda grumbled, flapping her wings and entering a large, large chamber at the end of the hall. "I have to go beat my meat."

Rainbow's double-take was so fierce, she nearly broke her neck. "I beg your pardon."

"You heard me!" Gilda frowned over her shoulder. "What kind of a place did you think this was, anyways?"

Rainbow Dash stepped into the chamber, and her ruby eyes reflected a rusted scarlet sheen. The air hung with the weight of a bloody odor, and a putrid musk filled the breaths in between. Before the pony, several metal hooks were suspended from an elaborate series of revolving metal pylons, and each hook had a gigantic side of meat, pierced and dangling, complete with exposed ribs and ragged tendons. Crimson juices dribbled down, flowing into metal grates that had rust and grime collected throughout the ages.

Every square foot of the room was occupied by a griffon in a white workcoat, and he or she was busy slapping, punching, and pulverising the slabs of meat with their talons—gloved or otherwise. The consistency of the prolonged bludgeoning was evidently more important than the hygenic steps taken to maintain it. The stuffy air of the place was ripe with grunts, slapping sounds, and the persistent scent of feathery backsweat. Each worker took constant breaks, sitting down on a bench every ten minutes to rest their bruised talons before standing up and resuming their task.

"What... wh-what is... even...?" Rainbow blinked, glancing down at the coat she was wearing. It was then and only then that she took notice of several irremovable red stains.

"Not every factory is a rainbow factory, Einstallion!" Gilda spat. She calmly shuffled over to her lone corner of the room, slipped on a pair of gloves, and looked Rainbow's way. "Griffons have gotta eat. And meat is on the menu. Tough, unswallowable meat." She calmly jerked a lever, and a metal hook lowered with a juicy slice of meat dangling from its impalement. "That's where we come in." She spun with a grunt and began punching the raw flesh into wet, messy submission. "Rnngh! Grnnngh! Httt! Fuuu... gotta... tenderize it... break and soften the bone..." She grinned, sweating through the violent act. "Or else no bird's ever gonna buy from this place's stock..."

"It... you... that..." Rainbow held a hoof over her muzzle as her coat went green. "Just... what... what's this made... m-made...?"

"It's no one you know, if that's what you're wondering," Gilda said.

Rainbow's eyes merely twitched.

"Hmmmf..." Gilda smirked casually, punching and hammering the quivering dead muscle. "Up north of here, we have hundreds of thousands of specially-bred cattle. You have cows in Equestria, don't you? Well, there you put them into pens, and here we put them into our stomachs. It's all gravy—no pun intended—at least according to the Griffon-Pony Accords from the end of the last war centuries ago. Of course... history was never your strong suit, was it, Dweebette?"

"Guhhhh..." Rainbow Dash fell to her knees, gripping her belly. A granite statue stuck his head out of a side pocket with a curious expression, and she slapped it back in place before fighting waves of nausea.

"Oh, grow a spine already, Dash," Gilda said, chuckling. "I stomached all your lame-o tea parties and Winter Wrap Up songs over in Cloudsdale, didn't I? Of course..." Her beaked nostrils flared. "A girl will do stupid things when she thinks it's for a friend. When she believes she's worth more than a wad of pegasus spit!" She snarled and smacked the meat hard, splashing dirtied blood onto her coat's collar. "Face it. Whatever brought you here, it'd might as well bring you back home. This ain't no pretty pony town. You belong with your real friends. Goddess knows you're super cozy with them anyways."

Whurrr! A dangling side of meat lowered on a hook beside Gilda.

The griffon paused, panting. She looked over, her eyes narrow. "...the Hell are you doing?"

"Ahem..." Rainbow Dash swallowed something down her throat, nevertheless standing proud and tall. "What does it look like?" She cracked the joints in her neck. "Volunteering." With a grunt, she spun and kicked the meat hard with both rear hooves. "Hrnnkk!"

The meat splattered, quivered, and tenderized from the inside out. Rainbow kept hitting it, exchanging one rear hoof after another.

Gilda blinked. She fought the urge to chuckle. "You can't be friggin' serious, dude..."

"Does it look like... I'm here for... fun and games...?" Rainbow wheezed, sweating and panting between each impact. "...I'm not leaving... until we... talk things over..."

"Rainbow, there's nothing to talk over," Gilda said with a glare. "If there was, you would have shown your yellow flank here a lot sooner."

"Get off your eggpile," Rainbow grunted. "This is not about you. This isn't even about me." Rainbow snarled, kicking the meat harder.

Gilda blinked. "... ... ...then who in buzzard's name is it about?"

"Heh..." Rainbow smirked devilishly. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Gilda's headcrest lifted... then deflated. She performed a huffing sigh, then returned to punching her meat. "You're gonna faint..."

"No I won't."

"Right into your own vomit."

"No... grnnng... I won't."

"Wanna bet?"

Silence, save for the meaty impacts.

"Twenty bits, dweebenheimer, that you don't even make it past the first slab of—"

"Will you stuff it?!" Rainbow snarled. "I've got some meat to slap!" Her sweaty brow furrowed. "Or do you want me to make you look bad that easily?"

"Hrmmf..." Gilda returned to her job while Rainbow Dash achingly toiled away.

You Had Me At "Kerplunk!"

A shrill whistle blew, rattling off the windows of the slaughterhouse. Up above, on a looming catwalk, a griffon in a blue collar shuffled up to the railing and hollered to the workers gathered below: "That's time! Ease up, chickadees! Shift rotation's in fifteen minutes! Report your quota at the punch clock!"

The air shuddered with exhaling breaths of relief. One by one, the griffon workers relaxed with slumped shoulders. Several of them chatted and chuckled with one another, while others stripped off their gloves and marched out of the chamber on tired talons.

Gilda was among the latter. However, as she was peeling off her last glove, she glanced aside at a panting blue figure next to her. "Hrmmmf..." Her headcrust rose slightly. "That means you too, dweeboid," she grumbled. "Though I don't see the point of this stupid charade."

"Just... shut... your b-beak..." Rainbow wheezed and hissed, slumped over. Sweat poured down her muzzle, and her legs wobbled. However, she outright refused to collapse, or else risk plopping into the copious pile of blood and meat juices collected beneath her. "Is... is that... the last of... of..."

"Shift's over, genius," Gilda said with a yawn. "Y'know... gotta admit..." Gilda tossed both gloves into a nearby bin and smirked towards the far corners of the musky chamber. "I'm impressed that a soft-hooves such as yourself got as far as you did. Six slabs of meat! I mean... it's nothing like all twenty that I tenderized in the same amount of time. But, hey..." The birdcat shrugged. "When you're lame you're lame, I guess."

"But... but..." Rainbow heaved and wheezed. "...it's all over... right?"

"Dang straight. You happy now?" Gilda cracked the joints in her neck. "Cuz you've still accomplished nothing, idiot. And it's not like you're gonna see a single bit for all your—" She turned to look, but Rainbow was nowhere to be seen. "—...hard work?"

"Hraaaaaaaaullkkttt!"

Gilda spun about.

Rainbow had flung her forward half deep into the nearest trash bin. Her wings drooped and her tail flicked as she vomited a copious ribbon of technicolor yawn into the container.

"Hmmfff..." Gilda smirked. She smoothed her headfeathers back and shuffled across the bloodied space between them. "You see what I mean? This ain't no pony vacation getaway."

"Unnnnghh... fuuuuu..." Rainbow Dash pulled herself out of the trash bin. She wiped her muzzle clean of slime, but found her legs giving out beneath her. "I didn't come here... to relax..." Wincing, she stumbled over to a bench against the wall and collapsed on rubbery limbs. "I came here on a mission... mmrmmfff... as if you care." Fiddling, she reached beneath her bloody work coat, grabbed a potion bottle from her saddlebag, and struggled for a half-minute to unscrew the cap. "I'm not asking you to care... just for you to lend a talon..." She sneered and hissed, finally popping the cap free, but not without bruising up her fetlock something terrible. "Owww..." A sigh. "Then you don't have to worry about me bothering you ever again." She raised the bottle to her muzzle.

Grip! Gilda's talon clasped around Rainbow's hoof. The pegasus was powerless to move the numb limb against the griffon's grasp.

"Is this what your precious friendship's gotten you, Dash?" Gilda's eyes narrowed fiercely. "Being soft is one thing. But stupid?"

"Let. Go." Rainbow scowled, eyes burning. "I've got this. The potion here—"

"Answer the friggin' question," Gilda said in a sneering tone. "Or should I answer it for you?" She huffed through her beak, gripping Rainbow's fetlock tighter. "Cuz from this angle, it looks like you're falling into the same damn hole as always."

The two glared at each other, until a loud swat of Rainbow's tailhairs against Griffon's side interrupted the silence. Gilda took a step back, releasing Rainbow's hoof.

"Some of us get farther in falling than those stupid enough to think that they're flying straight," Rainbow grumbled. She took a long, liberal gulp of the potion, then leaned back with a sigh. "Tell me, Gilda. What's a bigger dump? This place or Griffonstone? What a reeeeeal nice slice of the pie you've cut for yourself, in either case."

"Heheheheh..." Gilda bore a bitter smirk. "Is that somehow supposed to hurt me? Y'know, if I gave a single crap about you, then maybe your words would mean something."

Rainbow's eyes slowly opened. "Then why are you still standing here, talking to me?" She smirked.

"... ... ..." With flaring beak nostrils, Gilda spun about. "Screw you, Dash." She marched off. "You can melt into a numb puddle of pony goo, for all I care."

"Gilda, a little foal is dying," Rainbow grunted.

"So what? Eggs get smashed here all the time."

"I'm serious," Rainbow said, standing up on wobbly legs. She took another swig of the potion and pointed. "She got bit by a super rare snake with crazy deadly venom. In a matter of days, she'll be deader than rocks, and she totally didn't ask for it to happen either!" She pointed out the nearest window. "Now, somewhere beyond that bigflank wall of wind there's a cure that I can find, fetch, and fill her up with to bring her back to the world of the living! All I need is passage beyond the ancient magic gate your feathery forefathers built, but the only bird-brains around this town who've got the key are too juiced up and psychopathic to listen to pony words! But you?!"

"But what?!" Gilda turned and glared over her shoulder. "You're talking about Fibb, aren't you? The Governor's Grandkid?" She shook her head. "I can't speak crazy any more than you can, Rainbow. I wouldn't even want to."

"But at least you stand a chance!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "And so long as you stand a chance, than so does Apple Bloom—"

"'Apple Bloom?'" Gilda grimaced through her beak. Her eyes squinted at Rainbow Dash. "Are we talking about someone related to one of your prissy prancing pony friends?"

Rainbow stared at her. After a tense pause, she eventually nodded. "That's one way of putting it, yeah."

"Well, what do you know." Gilda slowly grinned. "This changes everything."

Rainbow stared, blinking curiously.

"... ... ..." Gilda grinned. "Head back to Ponyville and tell your friends... that if they want crows to eat the meat off the foal's poisoned little body, then they're free to drop her off here anytime."

Swooooooosh! A potion jar flew straight at Gilda's skull.

"!!!" The griffon dodged. As the jar shattered against the wall, she turned to look, then turned back—

WHUMP! Rainbow had speared Gilda with her body. The pegasus shoved her hard across the workspace and slammed her up against a brick wall. WHAM!

Gilda winced. Something glinted in her peripheral vision. She looked aside and gasped to see that her skull had narrowly missed a meathook. In fact, the thing was so close that it severed two of her feathers at the stalks.

This was when Rainbow leaned in, sneering hotly into Gilda's face. "You tell me when you want me to stop being nice, 'girlfriend.'"

Gilda blinked.

Rainbow frowned.

And then... Gilda squinted. "So... now you're demanding my help instead of asking for it..."

"Looks like it," Rainbow grunted.

"...well then." Gilda suddenly smiled. "That's more like it." She threw her skull forward, headbutting Rainbow in the brow. WHAM!

"Guhh!" Rainbow stumbled back only two and a half-steps. She caught herself and squatted low, wings outstretched. "You really wanna do it?!" Her nostrils flared as she scraped the wet floor with a hoof. "Right here?"

"Heheheheheh..." Gilda chuckled.

Rainbow blinked. She stood up, an eyebrow arched. "What...?!"

"You took it!" Gilda pointed with a talon. "You used to never be able to take that! Not without falling down like a stupid donkey!"

Rainbow gritted her teeth. "If you're trying to say that I was ever a pushover..."

"No, but you are your father's foal," Gilda said with a smirk. "That potion's doing quite the work, isn't it? Heh... leave it to you to cheat, Dash."

"If you think that medicine is all that's keeping me on my hooves these days, then you don't know a single damn thing about me."

"You're right," Gilda said, her frown returning. "I don't."

Rainbow merely blinked at that.

With a long sigh, Gilda shuffled out the large chamber, stripping her work coat off in the process. "We're going to need lots and lots of crackers."

"Crackers...?" Rainbow did a double-take.

"To appease Fibb and his gang. Bitches love crackers."

"Uhhh..." Rainbow did an even harder double-take. "Huh?! But just the other second—"

"Griffons don't dig begging half as much as ponies do," Gilda grumbled. "If you have a scrap of memory in that stupid head of yours, then you should remember that. Now flap along." She waved with a wing and was gone. "Before I think twice."

Rainbow exhaled, blinking thoughtfully.

Lancie stuck his head out from beneath the coat. "Well, that went swimmingly."

"Speak for yourself," Rainbow grunted. "I... I kinda forgot how useful horseplay was with her."

"Are... we talking figuratively or—"

"We're not talking at all," Rainbow grunted, trotting off as she removed her own bloodied uniform. "Stay stoned."

"Done... and done!" Lancie made himself scarce.

Shop 'Til You Dash

"Gilda, can I ask you something?" Rainbow remarked.

"No," grunted the griffon, shuffling down a series of metal shelves lined with tightly wrapped edible products. The lights of a decrepit grocery store flickered overhead.

Sighing, Rainbow spoke anyways: "Is there anything your kind eats besides crackers and raw meat?"

"Well, there's another kind of thing we like to eat every now and then," Gilda said. She bore a slight smirk as she shuffled down the line. "You should know. I ate it all the time."

Rainbow facehoofed. "Must you? Really?"

"Hey..." Gilda shrugged, feathers ruffling. "You came to my roost, dweebo."

"And could you drop the 'dweeb' crud? It's getting super old super quick."

"Suck it up," Gilda grunted. "Just because I'm lending a talon doesn't mean we're friends again."

"I didn't say that—"

"What you said was that 'this doesn't concern us.' Well, I couldn't agree more." Gilda shrugged and glared over her shoulder with a single hawkeye. "I'm just doing this to get you out of my feathers, alright?"

"And crackers are somehow going to get me on Fibb's good side?"

"Pffft... who said anything about you?" Gilda flapped her wings, hovering so that she could reach the highest shelf in the aisle. "And, to answer your question, it all depends on the kind of crackers." She grabbed a large container.

"That's... uhm..." Rainbow pointed. "Some shiny red packaging."

"Goooooood, pony!" Gilda cooed, her smile bright and voice patronizing. "Nice to know your eyes work way the Hell better than your legs!"

"Hey, don't you start—"

"Yeesh, what ever happened to your backbone, Dash?" Gilda walked towards the front counter on the opposite end of the store. "Did you trade it in for the stick up your plot?"

"Gilda—"

"Cuz I'd ask for a refund, if I were you. It's a lame substitute."

"Must you make this so painful?!" Rainbow hissed, struggling to catch up with the birdcat. "I asked for help getting the Wind Chalice from Fibb! Not to be crucified!"

"Beggars can't be choosers, soft-hooves," Gilda grumbled. "If you don't like it, you can go ask for help from another jilted griffon lover holed up in a big crystal tree." Th-Thud! She dropped the package onto the front counter. "Hi there!" she said in an uncharacteristically melodic tone. "I'd like to buy your store's most expensive saltine delicacy, please!"

"Mmmmmm..." A dull-eyed clerk looked up from a magazine. "Who's payin'?" she groaned lethargically.

"My very good pony friend here!" Griffon pointed over her shoulder with a smile. "Every bit of it!"

Rainbow's ears twitched. "Buh? Gilda, I—"

"Ah jeez, hoofy-poo..." Gilda turned towards her, pouting with puppy dog hawkeyes. "That isn't a problem, is it?"

The clerk looked over. "Well?" She clicked her beak. "What'll it be, 'hoofy-poo?'"

"... ... ..." Rainbow frowned. "Hrmmmf..." She reached into her saddlebag, rummaged around, and produced a hoof-full of bits. "Not like I was gonna be bartering with the dragons anyways."

"Heheheheheh—wait..." Gilda blinked, still chuckling. "Dragons?"

"Here ya go." Rainbow dropped the bits onto the counter. "And before you try and bite them—"

Crkkkk! The clerk was already scissoring her beak over the first shiny coin she got her talons on, testing its metal.

Rainbow sighed long and hard. "...they've been rattling around for twenty-four sweaty hours, if you catch my drift."

"... ... ..." The clerk glanced at the bits, then at the pony. "Ptooie!" She spat it onto the golden pile and slid the package of expensive crackers towards Rainbow. "The money's good. Enjoy your saltines."

"Jee, thanks." Rainbow grabbed the box and slid it into her saddlebag.

"Heh..." The clerk smirked. "You figured I'd be testing the metal. You certainly know your way around griffons, soft-hooves."

"Girl, you don't even know," Rainbow sighed, shuffling the weight of her saddlebag.

"Wait just a minute, Dash," Gilda said, tapping the mare's shoulder. "What's this you're going on about... dragons?"

"Doesn't matter." Rainbow shrugged her talon off and made for the door. "Let's just get this crud with Fibb over with. I'm kind in a hurry here, in case you couldn't tell."

"Uh... right. Of c-course."

FWOOOSH! Rainbow flew out the store's entrance, ascending towards the upper boughs of the crystalline spire.

Gilda fidgeted where she stood. Her eyes squinted into the nothingness straight ahead of her while her break clenched and unclenched.

"Hey... uhm..."

Gilda looked over at the clerk.

The griffon behind the counter gestured. "It's buy two get one free, in case your marefriend gets hungry again."

"Go lay an egg," Gilda grumbled, flying out the door. "She's not my marefriend. Never friggin' was either..." FWOOSH!

"Hmmmf..." The clerk returned to her magazine, leaving a sly grin plastered on the distant doorway. "...and I'm an albatross' auntie..."

Late Birds

"And why do you gotta turn everything into a friggin' roost?!" Rainbow Dash grumbled, flying up, up, up the stalk towards her lofty destination. She shifted the weight of the expensive package of saltines under her forelimb and grumbled, "It's almost like you guys love putting as much distance between each of you as possible."

"Yeah, who'd'a'thunk it?" Gilda grunted, flapping after her. "Maybe you should move in."

"Hardy har har," Rainbow droned. "Enjoy the burns while it lasts, Gilda. As soon as we get the Wind Chalice from Butthead McMuscles, I am sooooo out of this dump."

"And yet you gave me beef for shitting all over ponytopolis the last time I visited."

"Dude!" Rainbow spun about, flying backwards as she frowned at Gilda. "What did Ponyville ever do to you? Pffft... at least there we don't butt heads, use the bones of dead animals for dishes, or treat our elders like garbage!"

"Who knows?!" Gilda shrugged. "Maybe that would have improved the wussy place!"

"Ugh!" Rainbow rolled her eyes. "I swear... I could never friggin' understand what got stuck in your dang craw!"

"Well, that's a shame!" Gilda folded her feline arms, frowning. "Cuz here you are in my town, doing the same kind of dumping."

Rainbow blinked.

"Funny how life frowns on you when you've got the horseshoe spun around, huh?"

"This is different," Rainbow grunted, facing forward once again. "This place deserves being spit on."

"Hah! And why's that?!" Gilda smirked. "Cuz there's no singing or prancing or stupid fruity buildings shaped like cupcakes?!"

"Where'd all the glory of the griffon empire go, Gilda, huh?" Rainbow stole a glance over her shoulder as they passed a flock of surly citizens. "I see it in the statues... and in the jaded eyes of the elders who roost here. This place used to be super awesome, but then it all went down hill."

"Pffft... how the heck should I know?!" Gilda glared. "Maybe you should ask your all-powerful glory-hogging Princess Poweder Pufflestia!"

"And there you go! Blaming ponies again for all your problems!"

"Huh?! Who said that I—"

"Even at Junior Speedster's Flight Camp, that's all you ever did!" Rainbow grumbled. "Just... bitched and bitched about ponies and how lame they all were."

"Maybe because a lot of them were. Didja ever think of that?" Gilda's eyes narrowed. "And they weren't just mean to me, you know. I recall a certain blue pegasus whose friend had it just as bad." She grinned mischievously. "And... y'know... she wasn't spared all that much herself."

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, her blue coat hairs rising on end. "...let's just get to Fibb's hole in the wall."

"Oooooh! Miss High and Mighty suddenly can't take what she dishes out—!"

"Just shut up, okay?!" Rainbow grumbled. "I'm past all of that. I wouldn't expect someone like you to know."

"Cuz you shut me out. Remember?"

Rainbow was silent.

Gilda huffed, flapping her wings harder so that she caught up with the pegasus. They flew side by side, though they didn't look at one another. "...you may not like to think it, Dash, but you and I were the same kind of souls caught up in the same kind of funk once."

"Meh..."

"No, for real," Gilda muttered, eyes thin as she surveyed the platform ahead. "I thought you were a special kind of pony... unique... cool and tough. Looking back now, I realize that you were just... sorta reflecting me. Makes sense why we stuck together for so long. But now? Pfft... looking at you, I realize that I never really left Ponyville."

"Hmmmf... oh yeah?" Rainbow smirked bitterly. "And what makes you think that?"

Gilda cocked her head to the side. "Because you've... become me since I've been gone, haven't you?"

Rainbow gnashed her teeth.

"...well?"

"You don't even friggin' know what I've become since you left," the mare grumbled.

"Pfft! Fine!" Gilda rolled her eyes. "Cuz I don't wanna know!"

"Well good!"

"Better than good!"

"Best than good!"

"Grmmfff..."

"Hmmmff..."

Dead silence.

"So... uh... where—?" Rainbow's voice cracked.

"Fibb's joint is up that way," Gilda pointed. "And for the love of all that's meaty and tender, let me do the squawking."

"Meh. Yeah, whatever." And the two ascended the looming bough.

Later Birds

The two landed on the platform.

As soon as Rainbow's hooves made contact, she flinched. Her blood ran cold as she looked left and right, searching for signs of the juiced-up monstrosity that had tossed her off the platform to begin with.

There was no sign of Fibb, though the place was just as decrepit and ramshackled as when Rainbow left it. From afar, she could hear the tell-tale signs of griffon fights breaking out and glass windows shattering. A gray malaise covered the place, doubled by the darkening afternoon haze overhead.

With a shudder, Rainbow shifted the weight of the crackers and trotted ahead.

"Rainbow... just a sec..." Gilda flew ahead, landing a few feet in front of the mare. She turned around, and all of the anger in her feathered face was gone, replaced by a cool, neutral expression that struggled to hold back the floodwaters of empathy. "Level with me for a moment."

"Make it quick," the mare grunted.

"You... said something about dragons," the griffon stammered. She stiffened her muscles so as not to look like she was trembling. "The only dragons close to these parts is... beyond the wind barricade to the west."

"Congratulations," Rainbow droned. "You haven't completely forgotten your culture's history."

"Shut it, dweeb." Gilda nevertheless took a pensive step forward. "If you're seriously after this Fart Chalice thingy, then that means you're... you're gonna try and fly out into the Western Wastelands, aren't you?"

"I'm certainly not taking a vacation to Orlandoats," Rainbow said. "Heh... besides, I've done that already." She smirked. "How's your bucket list fairing."

"Rainbow, what in Goddess' name are you expecting to get out of a bunch of dragons?!" Gilda grimaced. "And these aren't your standard fair sissy Equestrian dragons either! I'm talking big bad motherbuckers who won't hesitate to set pony or griffon flesh on fire! Hell..." She gestured wildly towards the looming plateaus west of them. "...legend says they do battle with all sorts of huge, lumbering beasts out there! The place is like friggin' Tartarus on earth!"

"Gilda... please stop pretending to care," Rainbow groaned, shuffling past her. "Cuz I sure as heck won't pretend to waste time—"

"Will you get off your damn high horse?!" Gilda suddenly squawked. "I didn't ask you to drop your lousy flank in on my life, okay?! So why do you gotta... gotta..."

"Gotta what...?"

Gilda clenched her beak tight, then shook her head. "You know what? Screw you, Dash."

"Huh?"

"I know a friggin' stunt when I see it." The griffon frowned, sniffling slightly. She marched angrily past the mare, heading towards the delapidated shack of Fibb's. "I swear to Goddess, you were always so selfish and melodramatic—"

"I told you before, Gilda," Rainbow sighed. "I need to find a cure for... f-for my friend's little sister."

"In dragon country?!"

"It's a very rare cure for a very rare disease!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "You have no idea how... how kaizo things have gotten as of late."

"Because you've no reason to tell me—"

"Because I didn't have to, okay?! And I still don't! Just... help me get the Wind Chalice and I'll be—"

"What?" Gilda glared. "Going off to kill yourself?"

"What does it friggin' matter?! I can hold my own, y'know!" Rainbow pointed. "You of all griffons should know that!"

"What I know, Dash, is that when push comes to shove... your loyalty always gets you nearly killed." Gilda took a deep breath. "Or, in a best case scenario, covered in bruises."

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash bit her lip.

"Tell me one thing..." Gilda cocked her head aside. "This pony... this sister to the dying kid..." She blinked. "...you love her, don't you?"

Rainbow's eyes twitched.

Gilda merely stared.

Eventually, with a cold shudder, Rainbow nodded her head.

"Hmmff..." Gilda exhaled. "...then you haven't a changed a single damn bit."

Rainbow's eyes darted up. Her ears folded back.

"I... I could have saved your life y'know," Gilda said, her voice suddenly soft. "On so many occasions. You never let me then. But... but now...?"

Rainbow suddenly glared. With wings coiled, she marched ahead, brushing past Gilda. "It's not me who needs saving."

"Dang it, Dash, it never is—"

"Can we just finish this?!"

Gilda hung her head. Sighing, she flapped her wings, making sure to reach the hideout before Rainbow did.

Back to the Feather, Part II

Rainbow Dash stood at the crooked entrance to Fibb's hideout, struggling with her hooves to open the plastic-wrapped box of saltines. "Okay... now, just to get this darn thing open..." She struggled, squirmed, and fussed. "Grnnngh... dang it..." Her teeth clenched. "What's up with this dang thing?! I only wanna get it open and it's not... n-not..."

Gilda stepped past her, yanking the box out of the pegasus' grip with an agile tail.

"H-hey!" Rainbow's voice cracked.

Without stopping, Gilda sliced the box open with a talon, popped the container open in one paw, then knocked on the front door with the other.

From deep inside: "WHO THE HELL IS THAT?! GO ANSWER THE DOOR, GROUSE! GO SPIT IN THEIR EYE!"

"Yeah, s-sure, boss! Right away, boss!"

There was a ruffle of feathers.

Grouse appeared, sticking his buzzardy neck out the door. "Hey! Poop off!" he hissed through a bruised beak. "Fibb only has one message for you fruit flies!" He sucked all the saliva from one side of his mouth and reared his neck back—

Fwomp! Gilda tossed a cloud of dusty cracker bits all over his avian torso.

Rainbow winced. "Gilda! Dude! That cost me an arm and a—"

"Succulent Saltines!" Gilda called out, squawking between each vowell. Her voice echoed into the delapidated building's foyer. "Griffon Stalk's finest!"

"What?!" echoed one of many voices from deep within.

"Crackers?!"

"No friggin' way!"

"SQUAAAWK!"

Grouse spun around, blinking through a curtain of crumbs. "Huh...? OH GODDESS NO!"

A flock of wing-flapping groupies flocked all over him, pecking and swiping ravenously for the various specks coating his body. The emaciated catbird shrieked and hollered, flailing under their repeated beak-strikes.

Rainbow grimaced hard. Lancie stuck his grinning head out of her saddlebag, and she forcibly shoved him back inside.

"That's right!" Gilda said, her voice taking on an uncharacteristically melodic tone as she tossed more and more cracker bits around the stone lawn of the building. "Plenty more where that came from! Peck to your heart's desire! Just like a day in the park!"

"HEY!" a certain juiced-up voice hollered from deep within the structure. "WHAT THE HELL GIVES?! I DIDN'T SAY YOU ALL COULD GO PECKER ON THE WOOD!" Thud thud thud thud THUD! Fibb burst out of the building, making a fresh hole beside the front door. He sneered, his muscular wings covered in plaster and concrete dust. "GRRRRRR! HAMBURGERS!" He tightened the strap of his metal helmet and pounded the ground with two massive lion paws. "YOU HYPNOTIZED MY POSSE! EXPLAINNNN!"

"Oboy..." Rainbow gulped, taking a pensive step backwards. "'Ouch time...'"

Gilda, meanwhile, took a step forwards. "I don't have an explanation, Mr. Fibb." Gilda smirked, talking above the loud, staccato pecks of the griffons all around the lawn. "But, rather, I have an offering!"

"HRNNNNGH—AN OFFERING?!?!"

"Yes." Gilda curtsied. "From the Griffonstone Avian Athletic Foundation!"

Rainbow blinked awkwardly at her.

"GRRRRRRRRR!" Fibb loomed above her, his ruffled chest bursting. "I TOLD GRAMPS TIME AND TIME AGAIN, I DO NOT ACCEPT SOLICITORS! DON'T YOU SEE THE SIGN?!"

"Sign?" Gilda snapped a talon in Rainbow's direction. "What sign?"

"Uhhhhh..." Rainbow glanced at the building. Next to the entrance hung a round metal illustration of a crossed-out frilled lizard. Without questioning it, Rainbow yanked the thing off the wall and bucked it over the edge of the platform.

"ARE YOU BLIND?!" Fibb turned and pointed at the front building face. "THE SIGN RIGHT OVER..." His bloodshot hawkeyes twitched. Snarling, he turned back to the two figures. "WIZARDRY! GRAMPS IS GOING TO PAY FOR THIS!"

He made to storm off, but Gilda casually blocked the mountainous griffon with her body. "Before you murder your last living relative, Mr. Fibb, I was wondering if you might be interested in an interview."

"I AM ALLERGIC TO INTERVIEWS!"

"Ah, but this is a special kind of interview!" Gilda winked slyly. "You see, the Griffonstone Avian Athletic Organization has sent us to find out about all of your heroic exploits!"

"I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE FROM THE AVIAN ATHLETIC FOUNDATION"

Rainbow winced.

"Ah! That's a good sign!" Gilda turned and smiled at Rainbow. "Very good! Goddess, I knew we came to the right bird."

"F'NAAAAAA?!"

Gilda turned and poked at his bulging muscles. "You see, a momentary lapse in memory is a distinct sign of anemic blood flow, which—as every griffon knows—is a direct consequence of you having more bulging muscle tissue than any other living creature on the planet! Which is precisely why the Organization—not the Foundation—is interested in immortalizing your athletic legacy!"

"EVEN THE FLUFFY MOMENTS?"

"Especially the fluffy moments!" Gilda's eyes glinted. "You'll be surprised how many hawkheads and falconnoses out there want someone of secure masculinity to look up to as they raise their hatchlings up to be the new blood of tomorrow!" She leaned back, folding her arms. "So... whaddya say, big guy? You up for inspiring the current generation?"

Silence, save for the cracker-hoarding of the locals.

"HAH!" Fibb grinned wide, drooling. "WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?!" He spun around with a twirl of his lion's tail and marched—THUD THUD THUD—back into the household. "FOLLOW FIBB INTO THE DUMP THAT GRAMPS BUILT, AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE JERKWAD COMPETITORS I MURDERED! WITH MUSCLES!"

"I can smell the article of the year cooking already," Gilda said. Once he was out of sight, however, she performed the mother of all lewd gestures, sneering into the building.

"Whew..." Rainbow exhaled through a brief smile. "For a second there, I thought I had lost you."

"Stuff it, dweeb," she grumbled, stepping after the fresh trail of debris. "Stay quiet and stay close."

"I can only promise to do one of those..." And Rainbow scurried along, hopping over Grouse's groaning body in the process.

In Like Fibb

"I ALWAYS KNEW THAT SOMEDAY I WOULD BE INTERVIEWED!" Fibb monologued, stomping through the careening abode. His meaty talons smashed through furniture and eggshells as he led the two "interviewers" down a short flight of stairs and into a decrepit lounge with flickering electrical lights. "'FIBB, YOU ARE DESTINED FOR GREATNESS!' THOSE ARE THE LAST WORDS MY MOMMA TOLD ME!" His hawkeyes squinted. "OR, WAIT, MAYBE IT WAS 'I CAN'T STOP THE BLEEDING!"

"I'm sure our reading audience will be happy to know that you overcome so much tragedy and adversity to become the most athletic griffon in existence," Gilda said. She glanced aside. "Isn't that right, Miss Pony?"

Rainbow blinked awkwardly. "Uhhhh—"

"Shut up, Miss Pony."

Rainbow growled.

"WHY IS THE SOFT HOOVES HERE ANYWAYS?!" Fibb squawked, shuffling behind a large oak desk... covered in questionable stains. "SHE IS NEITHER AVIAN OR A FOUNDATION!"

"Oh, the pony? Pffft..." Gilda shrugged. "She's here to throw stuff at. Here!" She picked up a random bookend. "Observe!" She tossed it at Rainbow's skull.

Conk! "Owww!" Rainbow hissed, rubbing her head. "Dang it, Gilda!"

"HAH HAH HAH HAH!" Fibb laughed loudly. He yanked up a table lamp with his table. "THAT'S RIGHT, MISS PONY! CATCH!" Swooooosh!

CONK! "Augh!" Rainbow nearly fell over from the shattering impact. "Dammit...!"

"HAH HAH HAH!" Fibb lifted up his entire four hundred pound desk. "CATCH—"

"I think—" Gilda stretched her talons out, smiling through her beak. "...that's enough for now. There's no fun in throwing stuff at a corpse, right?"

"... ... ..." Fibb shrugged. "EH... IF YOU SAY SO." He dropped the desk. THUDDD! Next, the oversized griffon sat at his chair, cracking in half. CRKKK! "SO?! WHERE SHOULD WE BEGIN?!"

"Actually, I was hoping we could conduct this interview in your trophy room," Gilda said, glancing aside at Rainbow while the pegasus rubbed her aching skull. "I think having so many signs of your victory and success shining all around you would make for a mentally stimulating atmosphere, don't you think?"

"HAH! YOU'RE GOOD!" Fibb pointed, then pivoted towards the wall behind him. "IF THERE IS ONE THING THAT FIBB LOVES MORE THAN ANYTHING IT'S STIMULATION!"

"Eheh... well that is..." Gilda glanced aside at Rainbow. "Good to know."

Rainbow merely glared back.

"OH... THERE IS ONE THING."

Rainbow and Gilda looked ahead.

Fibb pivoted back, and he had a suspicious look acrouss his eagle-beak. In his talon, he brandished a silver revolver. "THIRTY YEARS AGO THIS OLD BUZZARD CAME TO ME AND SAID THAT A CRAZY WILD-EYED SCIENTIST AND A KID MIGHT SHOW UP ASKING ABOUT MY TROPHY COLLECTION." Eyes narrowing, he cocked the huge weapon and aimed it at the two. "AND IF THAT EVER HAPPENS..."

Rainbow bit her lip.

"Uhhh..." Gilda gestured. "But... neither of us is a scientist or a kid." She pointed at herself and Dash. "We're just a griffon and a pegasus."

"... ... ..." Fibb blinked. "OH. RIGHT." He tossed the revolver behind him so that it fired off randomly into a wall. BANG! "WELL IN THAT CASE..." He stood up and shuffled towards a painting, then yanked it off its frame. Behind it was a hidden compartment with a numberpad.

Rainbow and Gilda craned their necks to see.

Fibb pressed a green button with his talon.

Zzzzt! The numberpad lit up, and a magic voice crackled through a speaker: "Welcome mister or missus—scrkkkk—'FIBBBBBBBBBB!!!!'—scrkkkk—please enter your access code, followed by the pound sign!"

Fibb headbutted the console repeatedly like a sledgehammer. WHUD! WHUD! WHUD! WHUD! WHUD! WHUD! WHUD! WHUDDDDD!

The numberpad collapsed completely. The wiring shot out sparks and electrical bolts until a deflated voice automatically vomited: "Accesssss grantuu-uu-uu-uu-uuddddd—scrkkk!"

SCHWISSSH! The doors opened.

"HERE WE GO! OFF TO THE TROPHY ROOM!" Fibb marched in with a gallant smile. "WATCH OUT FOR BATS!"

Gilda and Rainbow followed him from a distance. Through the frame, they could see a large cavern full of glittering crystals: the interior of the tree bough. A faint luminescent revealed a winding platform that led down towards a series of subterranean niches filled with all sorts of glittery objects.

"Well, that wasn't so hard," Gilda said.

"Mmmmff..." Rainbow rubbed her bruised muzzle, then rubbed it again. "Easy for you to say."

"Your stupid Chalice thingy has gotta be down here somewhere."

"Say... why'd you tell him he could throw stuff at me?" Rainbow asked.

"To break the ice, of course," Gilda said. "Somebody has to get him in a good mood. Guess you didn't take that into account when you bugged him earlier."

"I wanna get on his sweet side, not butter his bread!" Rainbow said.

"HEY PONY! CATCH!"

THWUMP! A shrieking bat flew into Rainbow's face.

"GAAAAAH! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!"

"Unnngh... dweeb..."

Given the Dash-Off

Fibb was an extremely large griffon who took remarkably short steps. As a result, the trip through the branch's crystalline interior took far longer than Rainbow Dash could have otherwise desired.

"BIRD BRAIN AND SOFT HOOVES WILL LIKE FIBB'S TROPHY ROOM," Fibb hollered beakwise from up ahead. "IT'S LIKE A HISTORY MUSEUM, ONLY WITH MORE EXPLOSIVES!"

Rainbow groaned, sagging in mid-trot. "For once," she murmured to herself. "That doesn't even remotely sell to me..."

Gilda glanced over her feathery shoulder. "What's the matter, sissy-lumpkins?"

"I think we have slightly more pressing concerns at the moment," Rainbow Dash said.

Gilda looked ahead. Fibb's pace was a sluggish one, and it allowed the two a great deal of distance between where they currently shuffled and their ultimate destination at the far end of the crystalline platform. "If you ask me, this stroll here is long enough."

"Long enough for what?" Rainbow muttered.

"For you to explain to me where the Hell Rainbow Dash is and what you've done with her."

"Mmmfff... what are you even talking about?"

"Don't give me that sass, Dweeboid," Gilda grumbled. "The Dash I always knew would never say crud like 'we have slightly more pressing concerns.'"

"Just let it rest, Gilda..."

"What ever happened to the Rainbow Dash who got her jollies from a gorge caving in or a loose raincloud monsooning all over a pony picnic?!"

"I left her way... way the heck behind," Rainbow grumbled. "And, to be perfectly honest, she's not exactly here right now."

"Then who is?"

"A pony who really really really really doesn't like you telling Mr. Mountain McMuscles over there that you can use her head as a friggin' bullseye!"

Gilda chuckled, her voice taking on a merry pitch.

Rainbow only scowled. "What is it now?"

"For a second there, I could have sworn that the ol' Dash was back!" Gilda sighed, looking ahead as they traversed a wide chamber full of glittering cyrstal. "But now I see that the colors have faded. All that's left is the 'rain' and none of the 'bow.'"

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash frowned. "If you're calling me 'joyless,' think again!"

"I wasn't exactly going for that, but, you stole the words right out of my beak, dweeb. Congratulations."

"Grrrrr..."

"For realsies!" Gilda glanced back again. "The old Dash would have gotten a kick out of all of the stunts I'm pulling right now!" She looked ahead, making sure Fibb didn't hear the current conversation. "Remember that one time we glued the two bully stallions' muzzles together in their sleep and convinced the rest of the Junior Speedsters that they were 'preparing for a trip to Mareami?'"

"No," Rainbow grumbled. "I don't."

"Yeah you do!" Gilda smirked. "You used to boast about it all the time! Heck, it was the last thing out of your muzzle the day you stormed out of Flight School for good—"

"And the last thing I need you doing is reminding me of the stupid mistakes that I made!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "I was a moron with no respect for friends, back then, Gilda. Whatever I did, it was for stupid, pointless reasons, and I've been through enough crud as of late to realize that my life could have benefited from a way-friggin'-better-foundation!"

Gilda turned around to glare at her. "So was that all I was to you back then?" She arched an eyebrow. "Stupid and pointless?"

Rainbow sighed. "What's this interrogation all about, Gilda? I thought you didn't care."

"I thought so too," the griffon muttered, shuffling forward again. "But then I saw what a dull-ass wuss you had become."

"To you, maybe."

"And to others around you?" Gilda remarked. "If this is the sort of thing that 'true love' has mutated you into, Dash, then I'm finally glad."

"Finally glad?"

Gilda nodded. "That I got off the damn train just in time. Hmmmfff... whoever this little filly is that you're saving, I hope she's got way cooler stuff to live for you than you."

"Go break your beak on a boulder," Rainbow spat. "You don't know anything about the stuff I've been through as of late."

"Does anypony know? Anypony at all?" Gilda muttered. "Or is the mare you love gonna fall off the stupid train before you allow yourself to even hug her as well?"

Rainbow was silent.

"Doesn't take magical friendship to know when a pony's being lame," Gilda said. "And—hate to break it to ya, Dash—but it ain't the same as what you inherited from your dad."

"Are we done here?" Rainbow grumbled.

Gilda took a deep breath. "Apparently we are." She nodded ahead as Fibb reached the final chamber, within which several dozen sources of glittery light loomed. "Eyes front. Things are about to get sticky."

"Mmmmf... oh joy..."

Only the Penitent Pony Will Pass

"BEHOLD!" Fibb gargled, bursting his way through a crystalline niche set deep within the walls of the large chamber. His echoing voice caused row after row of golden goblets to rattle on their stands. "FIBB'S TROPHY ROOM! FILLED WITH TROPHIES!" A tiny dead skeleton fell to the ground beside him, bursting into dust. "...AND SOMETIMES DEAD BATS!"

"How charming," Gilda said, her tongue clicking inside her beak. "I see you've earned lots and lots of awards."

"ONLY BECAUSE FIBB IS GOOD AT MURDERING OTHER GRIFFONS!"

"Hmmm... nifty... Would you like to put that on paper?"

"NO! FIBB DOESN'T NEED PAPER LINING ANYMORE!" The enormous creature thundered to the far corner of the room and turned around in front of a small stool. "NO MATTER WHAT GRAMPS MIGHT THINK!" He sat down, reducing the stool to splinters. Crunch! "PREDICATE!"

"Before we begin the interview, I have to say..." Gilda smiled. "I've never seen so many unique trophies." She paced around, tapping her chin as she looked at the many-many shelves lined with dust-laden trinkets. "You must have one of every shape and size here! Even a short, stout one studded in four places with glowing red rubies."

"WHAT?!" Fibb's beak nostrils flared. "YOU MEAN THE WIND CHALICE?! BAH! THAT WAS A TALON-ME-DOWN FROM GRAMPS! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO EARN THAT LOUSY TROPHY!"

"Then I imagine you'd be willing to part with..." Gilda glanced over her shoulder at Rainbow Dash. "...a short, stout, greedn goblet studded with four glowing red rubies."

Rainbow made an 'Oh!" shape with her muzzle and quietly backtrotted out of view.

"HEY! WHAT BELONGS TO GRAMPS BELONGS TO ME! AND WHAT BELONGS TO ME IS... IS..."

"Yours forever?" Gilda remarked.

"HEY, ARE YOU GONNA INTERVIEW ME OR WHAT?!"

"You just read my mind!" Gilda grinned. While Rainbow Dash disappeared behind an obscure line of shelves, she squatted before the meaty cretin and cleared her throat. "So... let's start out with your early years, hmmm? How was Fibb as an early hatchling?"

"WELL, ACCORDING TO GRAMPS, MY EGG WAS SO BIG THAT MY MOTHER PASSED OUT! AND NO GRIFFON IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD OWNED A CHAINSAW! SO..."

Rainbow Dash sneaked down a thin aisle full of rows upon rows of golden prizes. She coughed and wheezed, struggling against dust and cobwebs.

"Guh... friggin'." She shuddered, frowning into the hazy mess. "For crying out loud. None of these even have the dude's frickin' name on 'em. He's full of bird poop, I swear."

She craned her neck left and right as she came upon an intersection of converging shelves.

"If only I had... like... a pendant or something to light my way in this cruddy place," she muttered. "Just which one of these darn things is the Wind Chalice anyways?"

Lancie stuck his head out. "I'd look for the cup of a carpenter if I were you."

"Get real, Lancie," Rainbow whispered, shuffling forward. "Gilda made it clear that it's a short goblet with four ruby studs on it."

"Is it true what she said?"

"Dude, she's a griffon," Rainbow droned. "If anyone should know what the Wind Chalice looks like—"

"No, I mean earlier." Lancie smirked. "About how you've become so uptight and all."

"Unnngh..." Rainbow's ears folded back. "You were listening?"

"I'm always listening, Sparky." The stone statue grinned wide. "So, is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"Were you once crazily carefree? A loose cannon?"

"You've seen me loose."

"Have I? Have I really?"

"I... like... suplexed friggin' diamond dogs underground and fought a giant tank. Weren't you paying attention?"

"Only because you had hundreds of deer and anteloupe to save. But being crazy just for the sake of being crazy?"

"Mrmmff..." Rainbow passed shelf after shelf, her eyes squinting across the crystalline hovel. "My flight school days are long behind me."

"Those you attended, you mean."

"Don't rub it in."

"You were a total rebel, weren't you?!" Lancie smiled wide. "A firecracker! A pegasus without a cause!"

"Meh..."

"You were even... dare I say..." He arched a granite eyebrow. "...chaotic?"

"I was stupid."

"I'd venture to say you were interesting!" Lancie leaned back in the saddlebag. "I would very much like to meet the pony that Gilda knew."

"No you wouldn't," Rainbow hissed. "That Dash was a troublemaker and an idiot and a moron," she grumbled. "She thought nothing about the consequences of her actions, and she didn't know what true loyalty was."

"So, what you mean is, she knew how to have fun."

"She knew how to destroy herself," Rainbow grumbled. "She didn't love somepony." A deep sigh. "Not like I do now."

"Oh, cuz Celestia knows you never threaten to destroy yourself under your current motivations." Lancie shrugged. "How many dinosauric griffons did you double-cross back in the days that you dated Gilda?"

"Look, I didn't ask to be psychoanalyzed," Rainbow grumbled. "I just wanna grab the Wind Chalice, get out of here, and fly west so I can get the shards and you can cure Apple Bloom!"

"Okay okay... Mrs. Frown Face McSeriousPants!"

"Let's not forget what this whole darn quest is for, okay?" Rainbow said.

"And let's not forget what your whole life is about, hmm?" Lancie smirked.

"One thing at a time," Rainbow trotted faster. "Keep an eye out; help me find the darn thing."

Lancie nodded, glancing at the shelves upon shelves. "Hopefully no griffon will put the killing curse on you before we get to it."

You Have Chosen... Wisely

"You have a bunch of trophies of your own, don't you?"

"Lancie..." Rainbow grumbled, strolling through the many-many shelves.

"What, is it illegal to have idle conversation?" The tiny statue shrugged. "Not like you're being quick about this, anyways."

"These griffons are friggin' hoarders, I swear," Rainbow muttered.

"Isn't a part of you at least remotely jealous?" he asked.

"Not... really..."

"Oh?"

Rainbow tongued the inside of her muzzle, glancing left and right at the many glittering objects. "Most of this stuff is... abandoned junk from Celestia knows how many years ago," she muttered. "Like... what's the friggin' point of having trophies if all of the accomplishments are forgotten?"

"You cant pawn accomplishments for bits, now can you?"

"Lancie..."

The statue shrugged again. "Well? One day, even you will go the way of all mortals, and what will become of your trophies?"

Rainbow exhaled with a shudder. "Must we?"

"We must!"

The mare frowned, shuffling ahead. "Apple Bloom is the one dying, not me."

"But—"

"She is the only concern right now, okay? Not me."

Lancie leaned back in the satchel pocket, smirking. "From the way your former gal pal, Gilda, puts it—seems you were a pony who used to live in the present."

"Mmmff..."

"Did that ever really change? I mean..." Lancie reclined against her. "All this doting on Princess Frecklestasia... seems like you still wish to keep the feelings of the present more alive than the reality of the future."

"I can't believe after all the crud we've been through together—all for AJ—that you could actually believe such a stupid thing."

He smirked. "So, then, what ever became of the extra-special letter you wrote to Her Majesty, Miss Apples?"

Rainbow Dash paused slightly, blinking into crystalline space.

"Surely her dog didn't eat it?"

"I..." Rainbow shuddered. "I didn't give it to her."

"If we had a paint bucket around here, I'd ask you to color me surprised. As it stands with you, however, I don't think I need either." Lancie shawned. "The paint bucket nor the surprise."

"Lancie, it... it just wasn't appropriate," Rainbow muttered. "Not with her sister being bitten and... and..." She gnashed her teeth, then shook her head. "I swear! This universe friggin' hates me."

"Does it, now?"

"It's always one step forward but three steps back. Honest to Goddess..."

"Ah, yes..." Lancie winked. "Because a universe that hates you would turn you into a hero, throw you into one exciting adventure after another, and give you plenty of reasons to feel warm and fuzzy over all of the nice things you've done for your best friend in secret."

Rainbow Dash was speechless.

"Well...?"

"None of that matters," Rainbow grumbled, shuffling forward. "At least... not until I've found a cure that'll fix Apple Bloom and make Applejack happy."

"Hmmm... so perhaps you indeed have changed."

"Huh?"

"A mare who lived in the moment just wouldn't give a damn." He pretended to examine his stone talons. "She'd be satisfied with the warm fuzzies, no matter how the universe hated her."

"Guh..." Rainbow rolled her eyes and growled, "Will you please stop rambling and just help me find the damn Chalice already?"

"What?" Lancie yawned and pointed aside. "You mean that one?"

"Huh?" Rainbow turned, and her jaw dropped.

Situated on the third shelf from the floor, behind three dusty trophies, was a short and stout golden goblet with four ruby studs. It glittered with remarkably brighter brilliance than the rest of the objects around it.

"No friggin' way..." Rainbow Dash reached in, brushed the other trinkets aside, and picked up the heavy object. "Why d-didn't you say something earlier?!"

"I dunno." Lancie waved a stone paw. "I guess I was too busy slice-of-lifing."

"Grrrrr..." Nevertheless, with a sigh, Rainbow polished the golden goblet's surface with her hoof. "The thing's a lot heavier than I imagined."

"I wonder if it's the real deal, though."

"Guess there's one way to find out," Rainbow said.

"Eh?"

Rainbow Dash looked behind her. She backtrotted until she stood squarely in between the shelves of trophies. Then, holding her breath, she stretched her wings out... and flapped them.

FWOOOOOOOSH! Her wingpower multiplied by a factor of ten, blowing every object off its shelf for dozens and dozens of feet. Cl-Cl-Clatttter!

Lancie whistled, impressed. He turned to smile up at Rainbow Dash. "Now let's go find a bunch of port-a-potties!"

"NO."

Hello, Dash, Is Anypony Home?

"...AND SO, AS IT TURNS OUT, MOTHER COULD LIVE WITHOUT A LOWER ABDOMEN! THEY JUST HOOKED HER UP TO A BOTTLE OF PLASMA EVERY DAY AND GAVE HER A COLOSTOMY BAG AFTER EVERY LASAGNA NIGHT!"

Fibb leaned back, smiling casually through his eagle beak.

"AHHHHH YEAH... MOTHER WAS A STRONG BIRD! ONLY HALF HER BONES BROKE THAT ONE TIME I TRIPPED AND FELL ON HER!"

"I... see..." Gilda pretended to jot down some notes. "...well, good to know that you inherited the... intestinal fortitude of the family."

"OH, YOU BET! I LIKE EVISCERATING EVERYTHING MY BEAK CAN TOUCH!" Fibb said with a devilish grin. "SAY, YOU'RE PRETTY SMART, JERRY!""

"Gilda."

"Y'KNOW, JERRY, MOST BROWN-BEAKING PUNKS WHO WANT A PEEK AT MY TROPHY ROOM ASK ALL OF THE FLATTERING QUESTIONS. BUT SO FAR, ALL OF YOURS HAVE BEEN VERY SMART AND DETAILED! HOW DO YOU COME UP WITH THEM?"

"Well... uh..." Gilda squirmed where she sat. "I've only asked you one question so far."

"ABOUT WHAT?" Fibb blinked beadily.

Gilda struggled to keep her angry feathers down. Out the corner of her eyes, she detected a fuzzy blue shape pitter-pattering out from behind the innumerable rows of trophy shelves. Rainbow only had to look at her once, and the griffon spun back to face the meaty catbird.

"So! Uhhh... Fibb!" Gilda scoot-scoot-scooted to the side, redirecting Fibb's gaze so that he was gazing away from the sneaky pegasus. "Tell me how you got... so... uhm..." She blinked. "...bald."

"FUNNY STORY, THAT!" Fibb pointed with a razor-sharp talon. "SO I WAS IN THIS RACE DOWN DRAGON RAVINE, SEE...?"

"Dragon ravine?" Gilda squinted. "But... I thought that was on the other side of our ancestors' wind barrier."

Rainbow, meanwhile, slowly inched her way towards the entrance to the niche. She balanced the heavy goblet precariously on her flank.

"HAH! YOU BET IT'S ON THE OTHER SIDE!" Fibb exclaimed, his booming voice causing the shiny trophies around them to rattle on their bases. "ONCE A YEAR, THE MOST ELITE OF THE ELITE FLY THROUGH SPINDLE'S NARROW! YOU EVER HEARD OF SPINDLE'S NARROW?"

"What griffon growing up hasn't?"

"IT'S A TINY TUNNEL THAT LEADS THROUGH THE BARRIER, NO BIGGER THAN A RAT'S PEEHOLE! A SHARP GALE BLOWS THROUGH, UNLESS ONE HAS THE WIND CHALICE TO GET THROUGH!"

"Could we... uh..." Gilda's beak clattered as her eyes briefly darted towards the entrance. "...get to the dragon part?"

"SO, A GROUP OF THE TOUGHEST GRIFFONS GO THROUGH SPINDEL'S NARROW AND EXIT OUT THROUGH TO THE MONSTER LANDS! THEY THEN MAKE THEIR WAY TO DRAGON RAVINE, WHERE THEY FLY THROUGH A LONG, THIN GORGE LINED ALL OVER WITH DRAGON ROOSTS! BOY OH BOY DO THOSE LITTLE TURD HATCHLINGS LIKE TO FART FIRE! HAH! LOTS OF PUNY WANNABE GRIFFON BOSSES GET CHARRED TO A CRISP! THIS ONE TIME, I LAPPED GRIFFONSTONE'S FINEST TWIST! HE CAUGHT UP, AND THE TWO OF US RACED TO THE FINISH LINE! THAT'S WHEN A LITTLE DRAGON BABY VOMITED FIRE AT US! ROASTED HIM TO A CRISP! TOOK MY HEADFEATHERS TOO—BUT I CAME OUT ON TOP! SQUAWWWK!"

"Wow... what an..." Gilda shook her head. "... ... ...inspiring tale," she said.

"I KNOW! RIGHT?! I SURE SHOWED UP GRAMPS! HE THOUGHT I DIDN'T HAVE THE MUSCLES TO RUN THIS GIGANTIC POOP TREE! WELL, I TAUGHT HIM A THING OR TWO! GETTING FIRST PLACE IN THAT RACE EVEN WON ME THE WIND CHALICE."

"The Wind Chalice?"

"YEAH! THE SHORT STOUT GOLDEN GOBLET WITH THE RUBY STUDS!" Fibb pointed behind Gilda. "JUST LIKE THAT!"

Gilda blinked. She looked behind her to see an enormous, polished trophy that was reflecting Rainbow Dash's moving figure... including the item on her flank.

"... ... ...WAIT A MINUTE!"

Gilda spun back, wincing.

Fibb turned around so quickly that his talons carved half-moons in the crystalline floor. "HELLO?! SOFT HOOVES?! WHAT IN THE CAT TITS DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

"Uhhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash froze in place, her pupils reduced to pinpricks. She gulped and squeaked, "Pony... polishing... s-service...?"

"OH NO!" FWOOOOSH! Fibb spread his wings wide, dwarfing Rainbow's figure as he marched towards her. "NOT IN FIBB'S HOUSE!"

Rainbow gulped.

Thwisssh! Gilda flew in between them, arms outstretched. "Whoah! Fibb! Wait just one second!"

"OUT OF THE WAY, JERRY!" Fibb cracked his iron joints, foaming at the mouth. "I'M ABOUT TO MAKE GLUE!"

"Look, Fibb, I know that you're angry... enraged, even. But you're forgetting one important thing."

"OH YEAH? WHAT?"

Gilda pointed behind him. "What the hell is that?!"

He spun around, eyes wide.

Gilda jumped up, twirled, and slammed two paws straight into his skull. WHAM!

His upper body rammed into a wall. His beak embedded several inches deep. "MMMMRRRMMMFFF!"

Gilda ran out after Rainbow and the two booked it up the bridge.

"Are you crazy?!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "Do you wanna make him madder?"

"Either way, you're the one he'll find with his Wind Chalice."

"NOT helping!"

From far behind: CRKKKK! "I'M GONNA HANG YOUR ENTRAILS FROM MOMMA'S WINGCHAIR!"

"Crud!" Rainbow Dash galloped up the bridge at full speed. Her ears tickled from the beating winds caused by Fibb's flapping wings. "Crud crud crud megacrud!"

Gravity Fallacious

"SQUAWWWWK! GET THEM! CATCH THOSE THIEVES AND BRING ME THEIR INSIDES!"

In mid sprint, Rainbow Dash panted aside to Gilda. "Who in the hay is he talking to?!"

Then, up above, the one and only exit spilled over with angry, shrieking griffons. Fibb's posse came flying straight towards the two with bloodlust.

"Ah jeez!" Rainbow squirmed, teetered, and fell off to the side. "That's who the hay!"

Gilda fell off the other. "Fly southwest!" Swooosh! "Into the crystal trunk!"

Fwooosh! Rainbow plunged down into the openspace. "The trunk's hollow too?!" She realized something was missing. "Crud!" She jerked aside, grabbed the Wind Chalice in mid fall, then twirled around. She uprighted her body just in time to glide over the solid crystalline surface beneath her. Shivering, she followed Gilda's frame as the griffon sped towards a thick wall, then threaded through one of several gaping holes.

Rainbow spiraled through it, and came out into a giant cylindrical chasm on the other side. It was here that Rainbow discovered that the body of the enormous tree was—in fact—hollow. Hundreds if not thousands of griffons flew from habitat to habitat situated all along the vertical space.

"THE MEAT'S GETTING AWAY!" Fibb's voice bellowed from behind. "GET THEM! STRING THEM UP!"

Lancie poked his head out. "Such an obsession with strings. I'd say he should see a shrink, but his brain is microscopic enough as it is."

"Not now, Lancie!" Rainbow said. She flapped her wings once. FWOOOOOSH! She shot forward like a bullet, propelled by a magical wind force. "Whoaaa-oaaa-oaaah!"

Gilda sensed Rainbow surging past her body. "Hey!" With a gasp, she flung a set of talons out. "Don't leave me, dweeb—GAH!" She yelped from being savagely jerked along after the mare. The two rocketed straight towards the far wall, glistening with reflected torchlight. Griffons of all flocks of life gasped, and leapt out of the way.

"Gaaaaaie!" Rainbow screamed, flailing out of control.

"Pull down! Pull down!" Gilda hollered.

Rainbow flapped her wings to do just that. SHOOOOOOM! The two screamed earthward, twirling madly at suicidal speeds. They ripped past dangling wooden platforms and market vendors, sending feathered citizens diving in every direction. Within half-a-minute, the bottom of the tree's hollow interior loomed, along with a razor sharp sea of stalagmites.

"Pull up! PULL UP!" Gilda hollered, clinging to the mare.

"I'm... tr-trying!" Rainbow pivoted her wings, curving her body. With an agonizing delay, she aimed her body horizontally, then diagonally upwards. At last—still plunging—she aimed her figure towards the distant speck of a ceiling and flapped her wings. POWWW! A pocket of air exploded beneath her, and the two were propelled—screaming—back up the way they came.

Fibb and over three dozen angry griffons popped out of the hole leading into their hollow bough. "WHERE IN SPIT'S BUBBLES DID THEY GO?!" Fibb yelped.

Fw-Fwoosh! Gilda and Rainbow Dash shot straight up like a bullet.

Fibb blinked, his tiny metal helmet rattling. "WHAT IN THE HELL?!"

"I think they still have the Wind Chalice, boss!"

"YEAH AND YOU STILL HAVE YOUR SPINES!" Fibb gripped the catbird and his buddy, threw them to the floor, then used them both as a violent springboard. CRACK! He propelled his body up like a meaty missle, salivating out the beak as his eyes turned red, fixated on the two figures above. "BEANNNNS!"

Now That's More Like It

"Rainbowwww...!" Gilda squealed. She looked beneath them while she clutched the pegasus' tail for dear life.

"I know!" Rainbow hissed, eyes tearing as the Wind Chalice propelled them towards the upper lengths of the crystalline trunk.

"He's coming after us and he's meaty and loud!"

"I know I know!" Rainbow hollered, aiming towards a sliver of dim skylight high above. She skirted past wooden platforms, threaded through groups of flying griffons, and narrowly avoided colliding with a chariot or two. "Could they have built this thing any taller?!"

"Actually, dweeb, according to old history books, it was planted—"

"RHETORICAL!" Rainbow hugged the goblet tight and spun the two with rapid speed.

Gilda yelped as the two sailed narrowly through an exit and out into the open air above the stalk. Meanwhile...

"RAAAAUGH!" Fibb slammed into the hole, but his shoulders stopped him in place. "RRRRRGH!" Sneering and slobbering, her rammed his muscles repeatedly into the cracking, crumbling exit. WHAM! WHUD! THUD! "THAT! CUP! BELONGS! IN! BEAKSPACE! YAAAAAAAAUGH!" At last, he broke through—CRKKKKK!—filling the air with loose shards of crystalline material.

Griffons gasped and darted out of the way as Rainbow Dash and Gilda shot out at the summit's level. They took one look behind them and saw a pale mountain of a griffon inbound.

"Luna poop!" Rainbow exclaimed.

"If we split up, maybe we can confuse him!" Gilda exclaimed.

"Yeah, right!" Rainbow snarled. "That'd just be turning a main course into two appetizers!"

"For real, Rainbow Derp!" Gilda frowned. "Blast me with your wings—"

"Ohhhh... you mean—?"

"You get what I'm saying?"

"But then what?!"

"Meet at the lower boughs!" Gilda hollered, letting go of Rainbow's tail. "We'll try and confuse him through the branches!"

A squawking monstrosity came within talon's reach of her, hollering: "ONE TENDERIZED NUGGET, COMING UP!"

"Ah jeez!" Rainbow pivoted to face Gilda and flapped her wings. The ruby studs of the Chalice sparkled. FWOOOOOOSH! A violent gale sent Gilda sailing off like a bullet. She shot safely past Fibb and dove for the branches below.

"WAIT!" Fibb glanced all around, hawkeyes twitching. "WHERE DID THE TENDER MORSEL GO?!"

"She took the drive thru..." Rainbow Dash dove with the aid of the Chalice's speed. "Zoop!"

"GRRRRRRRRR!" Fibb plummeted after her with a sonic clap of displaced air. "GET BACK HERE YOU BLUE LITTLE BLOOD PACKET!"

Rainbow panted and panted, eyes squinting. The branches of the lower tree zoomed past her with frightening swiftness. She found herself having to perform her dodges and strafes seconds in advance in order to avoid a pulverising death against the crystalline boughs.

"Celestia on a bike!" she sputtered. "I never thought I'd live to see the day when fast would be too fast!"

"I CAN SMELL YOUR FRIGHT FARTS, YA TOILET STAIN!"

Lance stuck his head out briefly. "Well, if that isn't music to my ears."

"Huh?" Rainbow Dash looked behind her. Her eyes went wide. "Holy cow!" her voice cracked. "How could he possibly be catching up?!"

The granite statue shrugged. "The harder they fall."

"GRRRRRRRR!" Fibb plummeted hard. He reached a talon out and effortlessly ripped a thick crystal twig off its branch. He held the thing up like a massive club. "BATTER UPPPPP!" He hollered, eyes seeing red.

A shadow darted between them.

Rainbow gasped—

"HAAAA!" Gilda mounted his backside. She stuck two talons into her mouth, then crammed them into both of Fibb's ears. "Double Wet Willie for you, asswipe!"

"AAAAAAAUGH!" Fibb struggled and fought to shake her body off. "NOOOO! THOSE ARE THE WORST OF WILLIES!"

"Uhhhhh... Sparky?" Lancie pointed past her.

"What?!" Rainbow looked, then gasped to see the ground coming up fast.

"Hey Dash!" Gilda hollered from where she rode Fibb's shoulders like a bucking bronco. "Remember that one time we played keepaway with the punks in Flight Camp!"

"Totally!"

"Alley—" Gilda held her talons out.

Rainbow tossed the Wind Chalice up. "—oop!"

Gilda caught the magical goblet, kicked off Fibb's body, and flapped her wings down. "Gnnngh!"

FWOOOOOOSH! The magical wind propelled Fibb's already speeding body like a torpedo straight downward.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIEEE!" Fibb flailed. He was oblivious to Rainbow Dash as the mare vaulted off his body and launched herself up to Gilda, where a waiting talon grabbed her to safety.

Gilda and Rainbow flew upwards together. They looked down in time to see a flash of energy emitted from where Fibb's titanic body made contact with the earth's surface.

POWWWWWWW!

"Oooooh..." Gilda's beak clattered. "That's gonna leave a mark."

Rainbow nodded. "No kidding."

"On Governor Grouse's medical bill, I mean. Pffft-bwahahaha!"

"Gilda. Now's not the time for—" Rainbow looked up, eyes reflecting an angry flock.

"There they are!" A member of Fibb's posse shouted, backed up by over four dozen surly griffons. "Get them!"

"Show's not over yet!" Rainbow hollered.

"Quick!" Gilda handed her the Chalice and held on tight. "I'll tell you where to go!"

"Why me?!"

"Because you're the better flier, idiot!"

"...really?"

"Just flap your wings already!"

"Right!" Rainbow sailed westward as the flock dove after them. "Flapping!"

Down below, Fibb struggled and struggled to dislodge his skull from the fresh fissure in the earth. As his posse flew swiftly overhead, he finally succeeded, plopping back on his feline haunches.

"GUHHH! NO FAIR! SOFT HOOVES CHEATED!" Just then, his metal helmet crackled to dusty filaments over his bald skull. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he slammed and kicked at the ground with his talons. "RAAAAAAAAUGH! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, GRAMPS!"

Cat(bird) Fight

The two struck the cliffface.

"Ooof!"

Pinballed off a granite outcropping.

"D'oh!"

And plummeted—together—towards a level promontory sticking out halfway down the western wall's stone face.

"Gaaaugh!"

Rainbow and Gilda slid, tumbled, rolled, and tumbled some more. At last, after no less than twenty feet of barreling, they came to an aching stop, splitting apart with the Chalice rattling to a melodic stand-still between them.

All was silent, save for the persistent howl of the enchanted winds above.

And then...

"Hahhh!" Gilda sat up, pumping her talons in the air. "YEAH! How about that for a wake-up call?! Hahahaha!"

"Gilda..."

"Come on, Dash!" The griffon grinned manically, holding out a high palm. "Hoof it right there, will ya?! That was awesome!"

"That... was... insane!" Rainbow turned and snarled at her. "Are you crazy?!"

"Pffft... when in season..."

"You nearly got us killed... like... a gazillion times!" Rainbow snarled, eyes burning red. "If I kick the bucket here and now, the means two dead ponies! Me and the foal back home!"

"Tch... yeah, well..." Gilda shrugged. "Not my fault you didn't collect insurance before coming here."

"I shouldn't have friggin' come here at all!" Rainbow hollered. "This whole stupid excursion has been one lame headache after another! First, it was ditzy old birds. Then, it was an oversized turkey on steroids! And then there's your friggin' bucket-of-sass-per-minute!" Rainbow's voice cracked hard. "I can't take it! Celestia on a bike, I would have much rather gone to the Appleloosan buffalo for help! And that's pushing it!"

"... ... ..." Gilda blinked, then pointed a talon. "...I'm sorry, but you lost me at 'excursion.'"

"Buck you, Gilda!" Rainbow stood up, frowning. "Buck you and your bully attitude and your smartflank remarks and your grumpy 'tude!"

"You say I have a grumpy 'tude?!" Gilda stood up as well, clenching her beak. "You are the one who hasn't even smiled or laughed or come up with a good prank since you came to this place!" She glared. "Who buried the old Dashie and pooped all over her grave?!"

"Things have changed, Gilda!" Rainbow growled. "I'm a serious adult pony with serious adult problems to deal with!"

"Pfftchyeah..." Gilda folded her feline arms and rolled her hawkeyes. "Seems to me the only problem is that you've thrown every awesome part of you away for some lame-ass crush on a stiff, worthless, she-horse."

"RAAAAAAAAUGH!" Rainbow Dash pounced, wings spread.

Gilda's pupils shrank. "Awwwwwwww sh—" THUDDD! She fell back as Rainbow landed on her, pummeling and biting and thrashing. The griffon let loose a shriek, elbowing Rainbow hard and rolling them over so that she was on top.

Rainbow slammed her hooves twice across Gilda's beak, then rolled them over again. The two wrestled, struggling up into a standing position. Rainbow Dash growled and headbutted Gilda. Gilda responded with a swift headbutt in return. When a slightly dizzy Rainbow Dash prepared to return the favor again, Gilda launched her beak forward and bit onto Rainbow's ear.

"Yowwwch!" Rainbow hissed. "Dirty rotten pigeon—!" She slammed her hoof down over Gilda's lion tail.

"BRAWWWK!" Gilda yodeled in pain. WHUMP! Rainbow uppercutted her with an elbow, grabbed her by the waist, then suplexed her—WHAM!—so that the griffon's avian head landed inside the Wind Chalice. Claaaaang!

Rainbow spun into a low squat, blinking.

"Mrmmmff-mmrmmff-grnnfff-ffuyyyy!" Gilda rasped, her angry voice echoing in muffled metallic tones against the inside of the goblet. She struggled with the object, teetered back and forth, then finally slammed her skull into the clifface to her left. Conggg! That knocked the Chalice loose slightly. The griffon wheezed and wheezed as she wore the crooked golden thing as a hat.

Rainbow Dash blinked. Her muzzle scrunched. "...srnkkk..."

Gilda blinked back. Her beak twisted. "Hrmmmf..."

"Snkkkt—heh heh heh heh..."

"Hah hah hah!" Gilda wheezed, eyes bulging with a brief bout of pain, then resumed cackling as she hugged herself. "Haaaaah-hahahahahah!"

Rainbow fell on her rump, rolling all over with high-pitched, true-to-life giggles. "Heeheeheeheehee!" She pointed, eyes tearing. "Friggin' look at you! Heehee! You look like some cider-drunk bozo after a long night of partying with Pinkie Pie!"

"Heh heh heh..." Gilda wheezed, plopping back on her feline rump. "Knowing that soft-hooves' style of partying, I'm just about as bruised, too!"

"Hah hah hah hah!"

"Heh heh heh heh heh..."

"Hee-hee-hee..." Rainbow squeaked and squealed. She wiped a tear dry from her eyes. "Oh Gilda, I'm sorry for beating you up, girl..."

"Hey... don't mention it, dude," Gilda exhaled, smirking. "It was the only friggin' way to get you to loosen up!"

"Hahaha... for real?"

"Pfft! You were riding a picket fence since the first hour you got here! I knew something was up!"

"Ah jeez... omigosh...!" Rainbow sat up straight, grinning wide. "Remember when Fibb was chasing us, and we flew up past him, and then we used the Wind Chalice to blow him lkike a missle into the ground?! Nyeeeeeeeuurrrr—SPLAT! Ha HA! Was that awesome or what?!"

"And how we sent all his morons plunging to the earth like clay pigeons?!"

"Yeah! Heehee! Oh! Oh oh oh—earlier... wh-when he was chasing me, he was all like 'WHERE DID THAT TENDER MORSEL GO?' and I was all 'Pffft... she took the drive thru, ya melon fudge.' Heeeeee-heeheeheehee!"

"Hah hah hah... yeah..." Gilda leaned back, exhaling with a shudder. "We sure showed him. 'Bout time that big ol' bastard had someone give him the business, pony or not. Pfft... place is starting to fall apart under his beak."

"Heehee... then why... eheh..." Rainbow gulped, stopping her laughs long enough to speak calmly through a grinning muzzle. "Then why didn't you kick his butt—like—months earlier?"

"Eh, I dunno." Gilda plucked the golden goblet off her head and rotated it around in her talons. "Guess I... just knew that it wouldn't be that much fun kicking butt on my own."

Rainbow waved vaguely towards the eastern wasteland. "But you've got tons of other badass griffons your age to wrangle up! I mean, you're a tough bird, Gilda! You could get tons of dudes and dudettes on your side!"

"It just wouldn't be the same..." Gilda gulped, then looked up with round eyes. "...nothing is ever as fun as it used to be. Not without you, Rainbow."

Down to Down Feathers

"I mean... pfft... I've done some pretty awesome things on my own, dweeb. So don't kiss your own tail in pride or nothin'. It's just that... when you and I used to hang out... like really hang out, it was like I was living two kinds of awesome. Okay, no, make that three kinds of awesome. The griffon kind of awesome... the pony kind of awesome... and... and s-something I'd never experienced before. I mean, never with any griffon chick, at least. Pffft. Back home, I could get all the tail-feather I wanted and at anytime. But in Equestria? With you by my side... under my wing...?"

Rainbow watched and listened. Her ears twitched.

Gilda shuddered, staring into the goblet as her talons swam circles around its glittery edges. "I felt... special... like I had earned something... earned somepony. Like... like you were the best kind of trophy there was." She winced, beak rattling. "N-not that I'm saying you're just as valuable as some stupid pewter trinket doohickey or nothin—"

"Go on..."

Gilda took a long breath. "And the thing is, I... I didn't win you over by being gruff or mean or demanding. It... it was something else. You and your... mmmfff... lame soft-hoof ways got on my good side... a good side that I didn't even know I had. And then, when you got comfortable, I realized you were as tough and rough as I was... at least when you wanted to be. And then when we got real close, you became soft again... only because you knew—as I knew—that it was all an act. An act that you needed to play out... or whatever. I dunno. Point is, I... I felt sp-special, Dash..."

Rainbow blinked. She glanced aside, biting on her lip.

"I felt special... no... privileged," Gilda said. "I... never felt so strong... so needed before. And, lemme tell you... heh... I've never felt it since." She exhaled with a shudder. "And then... and then I lost you. Mrmmff..." She smoothed her headfeathers back, staring back into the goblet. "I'd never lost anything before. But you had. Part of me wondered that maybe... just maybe... you wanted me to feel as miserable as you did."

"No no no Gilda..." Rainbow sighed, slumping back on her haunches. "What happened back in Ponyville—..." She winced. "I mean, back when things blew up between you, me, and my new friends—..." She winced again. "Gilda, I'd just become the friggin' Element of Loyalty, okay?! And stuff that may have been okay for you and me just... c-couldn't cut it with the kind of ponies I was suddenly responsible for. I... I really really hoped that you would have had the gumption to realize that they were all different from you and me, but—nooooo—instead you had to griffon it up to eleven and make a big friggin' scene. And, y'know what? Part of me thought you did it on purpose just to spite me! And so... so I-I struck back. Hard. Maybe... a little too hard. And... and if that really shattered your heart or whatever, then... then I'm sorry, girl. I really am."

"Are you shitting me...?" Gilda's eyes narrowed. Her beak hung open. "Rainbow, do you really think that all of... all of..." She flung her arms out with a frown. "That all of this between us is just because of one lame pony party gone to Tartarus?! Are you really that dense?!"

"I... I..." Rainbow blinked in confusion.

"No, Dash." Gilda frowned. "You didn't hurt me back in Ponyville. You hurt me in Cloudsdale. Because after all we went through, after all you did to open up to me, after all the stinkin' layers of myself I peeled off to make you feel happy and loved... you tore off and left me for a no-good scum bucket like Listing!"

Rainbow recoiled at that, wincing hard.

Gilda sniffled, but drew back with a frown. "Listing Breeze... of all the ponies..." She gulped hard. "Y'know, before I blew off that party thrown by Prancie Pie—or whoever—I dropped in on the old gang. Y'know... Lyra? Bon Bon? Vinyl? That sissy stallion that thinks he's a chick? They told me things were over between you and Listing. Well... how come I never heard about it?! That's right... I had to find out through our old friends, Dash. You left me without a word... and you ditched that psycho bitch without a word too. Just... what—what in the blue Hell is wrong with you?!"

"I made some bad choices, Gilda—"

"Yeah! No shit!" Gilda seethed. "But it doesn't change the fact that some lame-ass part of me worried about you, ya little t-turd!" Her voice cracked on the last utterance, and she suddenly didn't have the breath to continue. She hugged the Chalice to her feathery chest and stared fixedly at the stone floor.

"... ... ..." Slowly, Rainbow Dash stood up. She trotted over on numb hooves, wincing slightly. "You said that... that when you and I split up, you didn't know loss... and yet I did." She squatted down besides the mare. "Well, that's... only partially true."

"You don't need to go into it, ya dweeb," Gilda muttered in a low, sniffly voice, avoiding the mare's eyes. "I already know that your mother—"

"—died when I was super, super young. And... y'know... if I ever used that as an emotional bargaining chip against you, then, I'm super sorry, Gilda," Rainbow said. "Fact is... I don't really remember. I was young and stupid... but things were about to get a whole lot stupider. You say you didn't know what loss felt like? I learned a whole lot about it when..." She hesitated, then squeaked, "When my dad kicked the bucket."

Gilda looked up.

"After... fighting so much for himself... and fighting even more for me..." Rainbow frowned off into the horizon. "...a universe that had robbed so much from him finally came in for the kill. It just... didn't make any sense. Not the fact that he was gone... or the fact that... I-I was still alive and kicking. I felt... I-I felt..."

Gilda exhaled. "Guilty..."

"I didn't think I deserved anything as awesome... as sweet as you," Rainbow murmured. "We had so much fun together, and you made me feel like..." She sighed. "...a much bigger mare than I imagined I was meant to be. And Listing, well... she made me feel like crap, yeah. But there are places low in life... so low and dark and dismal that you kinda... you kinda want that, y'know?"

Gilda slowly shook her head. "No... I don't know..."

"I was lower than low, Gilda," Rainbow said calmly. "I may have looked awesome on the outside, but on the inside? I was all shattered eggshells and manure. And I loved it. I... I kind of feel sick thinking about it." She shuddered. "Oh, don't misunderstand... tons of ponies kept telling me to ditch her. Lyra? Bon Bon? She and the others nearly butted heads with Listing on a regular basis. But, in the end, it wasn't even Listing's fault. It was my own. I... I've told bits and pieces of details to my friends... about how bad it was. Well... I've told Fluttershy... kinda sorta. But even as close as the two of us are, she doesn't know everything... and I doubt she ever will. When it was time for me to climb out, I had isolated everypony I knew. So... I flocked on over to Ponyville to make a new life in the same little place that Flutters and Lyra and the rest called home. That's when fate dropped Twilight and these other crazy ponies into my lap. I... I couldn't think of a better time when I needed to start friendships up anew. That's why I've been so fiercely loyal to them all, I guess. And... and that's why I even sent the invite for you way back when to visit us. I guess... I-I guess I was kinda secretly hoping we could start anew as well."

Gilda swallowed a lump down her throat. A tear fell loose. "You should have told me," she breathed.

Rainbow nodded. "I know."

Silence, save for the howling winds above.

"I'm... I'm sorry I ended things so pathetically between us, Gilda," Rainbow murmured. "No matter where my heart may have been... or what I was going through... just because I was trash didn't mean you deserved to be treated like trash too, and I'm sorry."

"Yes... well..." Gilda rubbed her eyes again, then leaned back. "I suppose, if I eviscerated you like a gutted weasel, you wouldn't be around for me to beat up in the future, huh?"

"Sure... thing...?"

"So, you're forgiven, ya dweeb," Gilda said.

Rainbow blinked, shrugged, and smiled. "Sure thing!"

"Don't get me wrong, though." Gilda's hawkeyes took on a sharp glint. "You did mess things up pretty badly. You and me?" She shook her head. "It could never be the same between us again."

"I... uh... I wasn't expecting otherwise, Gilda," Rainbow murmured. She gulped. "Or desiring."

Gilda's tail flicked. "Oh." She glanced aside. "Well... I-I wasn't desiring it either."

"Right."

"R-right."

More silence.

"But... y'know... just tell me one thing, Dash," Gilda said. "For all the time we do have under our belt, if for nothing else."

"What's that, G?"

"This... this new love of your life... this new mare." Gilda squinted. "Does she treat you well?"

Rainbow leaned back. She sighed through a helpless smile. "As a matter of fact, she treats me as lovingly as one could ask for."

"Is that so?"

"In that she doesn't treat me lovingly at all," Rainbow droned.

Gilda cocked her feathery head aside. "You mean... she doesn't know how you feel for her?"

"Nope." Rainbow slowly shook her head. "Not even in the slightest."

"And... this mare..." Gilda glanced up, up, up at the wind-blown barrier above them. "...it's her sister you're risking your neck for...?"

"Yup."

"Even going so far as to fly out all this way and get entangled in an ex griffon lover who—for all you knew—could have pecked your eyes out upon first glance?"

"Eeeyup."

Gilda tilted her head back down to stare at Rainbow. "... ... ...and you're sure you're not punishing yourself anymore?"

Rainbow merely bit her lip.

Gilda looked at her, then nodded. She juggled the Chalice in her grasp. "Whelp..." She stood up with a breath. "The least this universe can do is make the pain a bit more bearable on ya, soft hooves."

"Uhm... in what way?"

"Come on." Gilda winked, flapping her wings as she scaled the solid wall. "Let ol' Giddy show you the way."

Rainbow shuddered. "Please... don't say 'Giddy.'" She flew after the mare. "I'm not used to hearing that pet name without scented candles and old records of Portishay playing in the background."

"Egads! I thought were done shoveling old creepy memories around!"

Spindel's Narrow

Gilda led Rainbow Dash to a shallow cliff situated along the face of the wall about four hundred meters north of where the largest windblown chasm loomed. There, a narrow passage existed—a dark black niche set within the thick granite. Magical winds funneled out of the fissure, whistling with persistent gales, as if the plateau itself was performing an endless wheeze.

"The hay is this?" Rainbow asked.

"Spindel's Narrow," Gilda explained. "Y'know, the passageway that Fibb mentioned?"

"Oh. Right." Rainbow nodded, then squinted. "How in the heck could he fit through this thing?"

"That was many, many years ago," Gilda said. "Used to be, back in the day, griffons would use this passage to slip into the Monster Lands and perform Hunting Rites. The actual gateway—the big chasm—is meant for entire griffon armies to fly through. But... well..."

"I'm guessing you guys haven't had one of those in a while."

"Meh. Don't rub it in." Gilda stepped up to the very edge of the whistling winds pouring out of the plateau. "You should be able to get through to the Monster Lands via this passage. Be warned... it ain't exactly a short trip."

"So long as it can let me get through, then I'm game," Rainbow said. She glanced up at the sky. The overcasted clouds had turned to a dark mahogany with the onset of night. "I've already wasted enough time as it is." She flinched slightly. "Erm... y-you know what I mean."

"Eh, I suppose. Hold up." Gilda pivoted about and slammed the Wind Chalice suddenly over a rock outcropping. Clang! Cl-Clank!

Rainbow Dash winced. "Whoah, Gilda! It's okay to take offense to something, but watch it, girl!"

"Trust me," the griffon grunted, then slammed the goblet agains the rock one last time. Cl-Clang! One of the four rubies popped loose, and she clasped it with a slight glow. "Ah... there we are." She tossed it at Rainbow Dash.

The pegasus caught it. "Is... is this what powers up the Chalice?"

"Pretty much. It should be enough to let you through Spindel's Narrow. Go on, test it out."

"Okay..." Rainbow gulped. "Here goes." She trotted up to the passage, holding the ruby up. As it approached the blowing air, it glowed a bright red. Almost immediately, the whistling howls ended. Rainbow's mane stopped blowing, and she found that she could step up to the granite mouth of the narrow niche, undaunted.

"See?" Gilda smiled. "Easy as pie!"

"Admit it." Rainbow smirked over her shoulder at her. "You had your own doubts up until I walked into the thing."

"Shuddup." Gilda hauled the rest of the goblet over her shoulder. "Keep that gem on you. Always. If it gets separated from you, then the winds will build up again. You'll be stuck in the dark hollows of the plateau forever. And... y'know... that would suck."

"Thanks, Gilda."

"Don't mention it."

"What about you?" Rainbow bit her lip. "I can't imagine the other griffons are gonna welcome you back with open wings, what with the stolen goblet and Fibb being all beat-up."

"What stolen goblet?" Gilda held the Chalice up with a smirk. "I just returned it back to the city!" She winked.

"And... the missing stone?"

"Eh, as if the ostrich-brains will notice it," Gilda said. "The cup will still work fine with just one stone missing. And as for Fibb... he's in a far worse place than I am. And the moment I claim that I was the one who got his beak slammed in, well, let's just say that I'll be living the life of luxury until another griffon shows up to tries and beat me up."

"Yeesh. Griffons are weird."

"Yeah, well, I once knew a pegasus who had a fetish for them."

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "It was far more complicated than that, Gilda."

"Yeah, well, too bad 'complications' aren't enough to lean on."

"Yeah, too bad."

"Yeah."

Silence.

"Hey... dweeb..."

"Yeah, featherhead?"

Gilda looked up, eyes round. "Once you've done what you've come out here to do, saved the foal and all... will you lemme know?" She gulped. "And that you made it out safe?"

"Yeah. Sure."

"... ... ...and will you let me know if you're finally in a happy place? Like... that place you've always wanted to be?"

"Well, what about you?" Rainbow asked. "Are you in a happy place?"

"No fair, you always do that."

"I know."

The two stared at each other, until—at last—Gilda's beak nostrils flared.

"Ehhhh... get lost, ya glue stick." She waved and turned back towards the crystalline towers with a flap of her wings. "Try not to let a monster gobble you up too hard."

"It'd be real lame if I let that happen after all I've been through."

"And we all know you're never lame," Gilda squawked, flying away on a stream of feathery chuckles.

Rainbow Dash, in the meantime, turned around and spelunked into the narrow chasm. The gem stone in her grasp illuminated the winding walls with a glistening crimson glow.

Lancie stuck his head out of her saddlebag. "Curious..."

"What is, Lancie?"

"That you never talked much about that one," he said. "Not even how your relationship ended."

"Relationships never end," Rainbow Dash muttered. "Fluttershy...? Gilda...?" She gulped. "Listing...?" She shook her head. "They're just anchors I carry throughout the rest of my life."

"Curious that you seek even more weights," the statue remarked. "When, do you think, the absurd search will end?"

"When I no longer have the strength to fly away from what I have," Rainbow muttered. "Or the desire."

"Hmmm... if you insist." Lancie gestured ahead of them. "Onwards?"

"Onwards," Rainbow muttered, and the two threaded their way into the dark heart of the plateau.

==Part Nineteen: Into the Muzzle of Madness==

==Part Nineteen: Into the Muzzle of Madness==

Rainbow Dash looked left.

Ink black walls drifted lazily by.

She looked right.

Identical walls of obsidian rock glistened with the ruby light coming from the Chalice's stone.

She bit her lip, glancing straight ahead. Pitch black air loomed, hovering just beyond the penumbra of her light source like a moving curtain. Every trotting step she took sent an eerie echo reverberating both to the front and to the back of her, dwindling away to a hushed murmur at the furthest reaches of the seemingly endless cave.

"Hrmmmff..." Rainbow Dash nevertheless squinted, leaning her head forward. Occasionally she would quicken her pace, hoping that an opening of sorts—a cavern or a partition or a chamber—would open up and shatter that unnerving sense of claustrophobia. However, with each progressive meter she covered, there was no such relief.

She nearly slipped, and her wings spread out to compensate. Balancing her saddlebags at the last second, she kept from falling on her belly. Looking down, she observed how slick the floor was. The walls were covered with a similar moisture, making them glossy and glass-like in the glow from her magical stone. Rainbow assumed that there had to have been a large source of moisture somewhere ahead... or above. Every so often, she would feel a drop of moisture hit her wingfeathers from some fixed point in the straight corridor's ceiling. There as no time to pause and investigate further—as if she would even find anything.

She didn't dare drop the glowing stone in her grasp either—not just for the fear of going blind while deep in the heart of a mountain, but due to the fact that she fully-knew that doing so would cause the winds to pick up again, and she had crossed so much distance that being blown back the way she came would amount to firing a cannonball clear across the continent.

A fuzzy blue cannonball.

So, shuddering, she pressed on, blinking tiredly into the ruby glow.

"You know..." Lancie pointed with his talon from where he perched on Rainbow's flank. "If you strapped the thing to your neck, it could come in handy."

"Meh."

"Almost makes you wish you had a gold pendant to go with it." He smiled. "Or would you prefer a prism."

"I don't know what you're even talking about half the time," she muttered.

"I'd have it no other way, Sparky," Lancie said. Scratching his stone scalp, he gazed past her twitching ears. "How long do you suppose this corridor stretches for anyways?"

"I'unno," Rainbow said, stifling a yawn.

"Wuh oh! Is the white knight about to take a wimpy nap?"

"Gotta... keep... moving..." Rainbow Dash grumbled, moving forward in a steady lurch. "Apple Bloom... needs a cure..."

"The little rascal won't be living up to her name if there's no waking mare out there to fetch the chaos shards."

"Yeah, but if I try and sleep in this cruddy passage?" Rainbow grumbled, "I could lose the stone and get blown to bits."

"I could hold it for you!"

"... ... ..."

"Have you lost trust in me that quickly?" Lancie folded his arms with a pout. "Why, I must say, I'm rather hurt! And to think I didn't lift a finger to help you out when you and that griffon girl fought."

"Gilda and I weren't fighting."

"Blows were exchanged, my little punk."

"That was different," Rainbow grumbled. "That was a prelude."

"To what?"

She sighed. "Resolution..."

"Pfft! You?!" Lancie grinned wide. "Resolve anything?! Since when?"

"Mrmmfff..." Rainbow Dash rubbed her fuzzy muzzle and continued, blinking blearily. "Guess I'm just changing, is all..."

"Rats to that. And to think I was getting used to you."

"You have a wild imagination."

"And you have a bony backside. Damnation! Ever thought of eating more cheese and crackers, girl?" Lancie reclined lazily on her flank. "I wan't something cushy for my tushy when we're out here being all aloofy!"

"I have as many muscles as I need to."

"Obviously not enough to gallop us faster through this mess."

"What I wanna know is..." Rainbow Dash's face scrunched. "...how did someone as massive as Fibb make it through this mess?"

"Eh... he probably feasted on the flesh of his cohorts for fuel."

Rainbow was silent.

"What? No snappy, bitter retort, Sparky?"

"Nah..." Rainbow wretched, her face pale. "For once... I think your exaggeration is spot on."

"Hmmm... it's the end of the world as we know it."

"Not until I save Apple Bloom, it isn't," Rainbow muttered, then pressed on—becoming a dull ruby beacon in the depths of darkness. "After that... the cosmos are up for grabs."

"Don't I know it," Lancie slurred, and the two vanished beyond the inky, confined air.

Part Nineteen: Into the Muzzle of Madness
(Where Rainbow Dash scales the impossible for a filly's life)

Rainbow Dash Spelunks West

"I must say, the griffons have done quite alright since I've been gone," Lancie said with a grin.

"Is that so...?" Rainbow muttered, trudging forward along the thin corridor. By now, her ears were drooping and her shoulders were hunched. She struggled with the numbness of her hooves to keep an even pace.

"They've accomplished so much that's worth admiring!" The statue reclined on her backside, examining his granite talons. "They've built a crazy wind wall, they've carved random houses out of crystal trees that didn't even belong to them..."

"Uh huh..."

"And their entire society is a psycopathic toilet spin into utter chaos!" He laughed merrily. "Oh, it's so delightfully absurd!"

"You do seem to love chaos a lot..."

"Why not?" He grinned wide at her. "It's fun!" He rolled over, lying belly-first and kicking his legs up and down like a filly at a slumber party. "According to the bird-ex, you liked having fun before."

"Don't talk about Gilda as if she's—"

"Is it that you like stiff rules and regulations? Hmmm? Well?" He cocked his head to the side. "You seem to be an awfully big fan of breaking the rules."

"When it suits me," Rainbow muttered.

"You mean when it suits Princess Frecklestasia and her closest companions."

"Look, Lancie, I've always lived life on the edge."

"Uh huh..."

"But it wasn't always fun!" Rainbow frowned. "There's nothing awesome about banging your head around for no good reason!" She stuck her head up. "I was born with a bunch of super cool skills, and I wanna be in control of them! Learning to harness your own potential—that is what makes you awesome!"

"Eh..." Lancie rolled his stone eyes. "Gag me with a dragon lance already..."

"Here's a question," Rainbow Dash spoke. "If everything was out of control all of the time..."

"You've got my attention."

"... ... ...wouldn't you get bored of that?"

Lancie blinked.

"Because then chaos would be the new norm. And being normal sucks. Wouldn't you agree?"

"I've... never quite thought of it like that before," the statue murmured.

"Hah!" Rainbow Dash smirked. "Don't act as if you're all surprised."

"It'd just be... one polarization in place of another..." He rubbed his aching scalp with a loud scraping sound. "Mmmmm... but of course."

Rainbow blinked, her ears twitching as she glanced back. "Wow. You really are confuzzled, aren't you?"

"Ahem!" Lancie sat up straight, folding his arms. "Nothing of the sort! I'm simply planning a... highly philosophical rebuttal!"

"Well, plan longer," Rainbow Dash muttered. "I could use the silence."

"Yes, because what I need the most is to be a front row seat to a concert of pony grunts, squeaks, and farts in this subterranean cell."

"Lancie, would you friggin' knock it off with the sass alrea—?" Rainbow Dash suddenly scuffled to a stop. She blinked. "My voice stopped echoing."

"Yes, I noticed it too," Lancie muttered.

Rainbow glanced left and right. She saw nothing but darkness. Curious, she held out the ruby stone from the Wind Chalice.

The walls had given way to an enormous cavern. A ceiling loomed high above, dangling with razor-sharp stalactites. A subterranean plateau came to a knifing edge about twenty feet away, dipping into pure darkness. There was no seeing the surface of the cave, no matter how hard Rainbow Dash peered.

All around her, tiny claps of dropping moisture tickled her ears. From the acoustics, she immediately guessed that the cavern was well over several hundred feet in diameter.

"Well, things just got interesting," Rainbow muttered.

"One way or another, you're always ending up in a cave," Lancie said.

"The buck are you talking about?"

"Oh, nothing," he said with a smile.

Rainbow sighed, pressing ahead carefully, wings stretched out. "Maybe I can use your big fat muzzle to chisel a hole out of this friggin' barricade."

"Yes. Maybe."

Wind In Doubt, Blow

Wh-Whap!

"Ooof." Rainbow Dash shook her face, rubbed her muzzle, then glared angrily into a dangling stalactite.

"That's the fifth time, Sparky," Lancie mused.

"Mrmmff... the fifth time what?"

He clung to her saddlebag. "Fifth time you've bumped into something since we came out of that passageway."

"Guh... not my fault this cave is cluttered with... with... cave crud," Rainbow grumbled, flying lower to avoid the errant ceiling structures.

"It's more than that and you know it, my little pony."

"Okay, first off, I'm doing A-Okay. Second of all..." She frowned. "You're littler than me. So who are you to talk?"

"You'll be even smaller if you get dashed into tiny Dash pieces."

"Eh?"

"I'm saying you should sleep, Sparky," Lancie hummed. "One needs a clear head to clear the way through this cavern."

"Nonsense," Rainbow slurred, flying forward through the darkness. "I can make it out of this place in ten seconds fl—" She braked in midair, her ruby light illuminating a horizontal set of spikes just inches from her muzzle. "...fudge."

"That's what you get for resurrecting an old meme."

"Huh?"

"There has to be a niche or an alcove somewhere that can avoid the wind."

"Dude, I dunno," Rainbow said, blinking blearily. "Ancient griffons built this place, remember?"

"Do you even hear yourself?"

"Hmmm. Good point." Rainbow Dash looked up. She looked behind her. She looked down.

The light couldn't touch the ground from where she was hovering.

Slowly, the mare descended. She coasted downward slowly until her ruby stone illuminated what appeared to be a steep and narrow trench at the bottom of the floor.

"Hello there. And who are we when we're at home?" she wheezed before descending into the depths of the stone burrow. She touched down on numb hooves and strolled forward, all the while aiming her magical stone straight up. As she proceeded along, she found that the top portion of the trench closed more and more narrowly, almost forming a ceiling of sorts to the thin niche.

"Curiouser and curiouser," Lancie said. "As much as I hate to say so, it would almost appear as if some purpose was carved into this part of the cavern."

"Maybe the griffons who hollowed this out ages ago didn't bet on an inexplicable cavern appearing," Rainbow muttered. "So they built this place as a stopping point for their labors."

"How very egghead of you," Lancie said. "But how do we know it could be of any use to us?"

"Guess there's only one way to find out." Rainbow Dash squatted low. Lancie hopped off and stood beside her as she kept her eyes locked beyond the narrow chasm above. Slowly, with a slight shudder, she placed the tiny red stone to the floor... and let go.

Immediately an eerie whistle pierced its way through the cavern. Droplets of moisture flew vertically past the pegasus. The moment she felt her mane hair being blown, she gasped and clasped the stone again. The wind immediately stopped.

Lancie gave her a sharp gaze.

With a deep gulp, Rainbow Dash took her tired hoof off the ruby again. She was more deliberate about it this time. To her relief, the wind did not blow her away. As a matter of fact, the enclosed walls above the niche did a fantastic job of shielding her from the magical barrier. If nothing else, she felt almost as if she was peering out onto a rainstorm from the safety of a concrete alcove.

"Well, there you have it!" Lancie exclaimed.

"Pretty nifty," Rainbow said with a dumb smile and an even dumber yawn. "Wish I could do something about the howling whistle, though."

"Beggars can't be choosers, hoser."

"Whatever..." Thwump! Rainbow's exhausted body slumped to the floor. "Maybe I'll... only fall half—asleep. Mrmmmfff..." She curled up like a fuzzy blue cat, hugging her tail hairs as her eyes rolled back. "...can't... skip out on Apple Bloom."

"Don't worry about the kid, Sparky," Lancie said, pacing about. "I'll make sure you don't snooze for too long."

"Hmmmm..." Rainbow's eyes were shut as she murmured beneath the winds. "Will you really...?"

"Wouldn't be so exciting if you died in your sleep, now would it?"

"Mrmmmff... melon... ... ... fudddge..." And Rainbow's breathing drew apart as she fell into unconsciousness.

Lancie stared at her, then at the loosely placed red stone resting in front of her. He leaned back against a wall, tapping his chin in thought. Slowly, a smile spread across his granite features.

Doors Left Unopened

Rainbow Dash huffed and puffed.

Her hooves grew heavier and heavier with each galloping step.

Nevertheless—punching aside tall grass and ears of corn—she pushed her way through the dense field, her eyes stabbed by intermintent flashes of sunlight.

A familiar farm house stood up ahead. No matter how swiftly the mare ran, the structure loomed further and further away.

Gnashing her teeth, she flapped her wings, barreling through the thick vegetation.

"I'm here... I'm here! Don't panic!" She hyperventilated. "Do you hear me?! I'm not that far away! I'm not—"

Sunlight exploded, greeting her with a wall of golden flame.

Rainbow Dash winced, her tender body shivering.

When, at last, her eyes refocused, she saw that all of the crops and high grass had been blown to the earth's surface, like trees piled over from a cataclysmic blast. In the center of this sat an orange mare with a yellow filly draped over her knees. The pony bent over, sobbing heavily.

Rainbow's jaw dropped. She shuffled forward one limp hoof after another.

"AJ..."

Tears welled up in Rainbow's eyes at the limp sight of the blank flank in the mare's embrace.

"AJ... I... I'm sorry..." She shuddered. "I flew. I flew so swiftly. I... I thought I was fast enough... I thought I was awesome enough..."

"I can't..." Applejack wept, nuzzling Apple Bloom close. "I can't stand to lose another."

Rainbow's heart plummeted. "Applejack..."

The mare looked up, her freckles awash in tears. She peered deep into Rainbow's being. "Not another one, sugarcube."

Rainbow Dash blinked. She opened her muzzle to say something, but no breath came out. As a matter of fact, she had no breath at all. Her lungs had grown as numb as her legs, and her whole world spun.

Plopping onto her side, Rainbow Dash quivered and spasmed. The atrophy had taken its course, and even her wings were too weak to take her away from that place, that moment.

Helpless, she watched as Applejack rolled away, carrying Apple Bloom's body on a wagon filled with flowers.

Something moved in the corner of Rainbow's vision.

Her eyes twitched over to see the front of the Apple Family farm house. Epcot stood there, her face long and grave. Upon feeling Rainbow's gaze, she slowly opened the black door into pitch black darkness. The earth dragged Rainbow towards it.

Somewhere, the filly found the strength to mewl, "Dad... daddy, I'm sorry..."

The world grew black as the door loomed. There were no freckles. No stars whatsoever.

"Daddy... I wasted it... I'm a waste—!" Rainbow coughed up blood.

She plunged.

The darkness ate her up without a sound, not as if there'd be any pony around to hear it.

"Mmmf—Haugh! Aaaugh!"

Rainbow Dash shot up in the darkness, clutching her head. She shivered all over, breathing in and out in deep wheezes. Somehow, that sensation alone was enough to solace her rattled nerves, and she started to relax, slumping back against her saddlebags.

The only part of her that wasn't numb registered the remaining potion containers in her satchel. She was overdue for a heavy dosage, she figured.

But just as she instinctively reached for the lip of the bag, she froze, blinking.

It was dark all around her.

"... ... ...Lancie?"

All that answered was unnatural howling winds.

"Lancie?!"

She glanced straight up, vaguely aware of the top of the tiny trench she was nestled in. She figured that if she so much as stood up where she was, the gusts would toppel her over completely.

"Lancie, where did you—?" She turned around and froze.

At last, she saw a dim ruby beacon amidst all the darkness.

Curious, the mare tightened her saddlebags and crawled towards it, making sure to keep low.

This path took her to the very edge of the trench, where a tiny granite statue stood with the enchanted stone in his grasp.

"Lancie!" Rainbow hissed, frowning as she reached the animated effigy. "What in Celestia's name do you think you're doing?! You call this being my alarm?"

"Shhhh..." Lancie held the stone out further, peering straight down. "Did something move just now?"

"Gimme that!" She snatched the griffon stone from him. Immediately, the howling winds overhead ceased. After a calm sigh, the mare muttered, "See what move where?"

"There." He pointed straight down. Rainbow shone the ruby light in the same direction he had been before she got there. Beneath the two, a gigantic drop opened up, its walls coated with slick moisture and condensation.

"The hay is that?"

"Beats the heck out of me, Sparky," he said. "I do hope you can forgive me for doing a bit of scouting while you were off impersonating a sock."

"Yes, well, you could have told me you were going to do it."

"Do you suppose it's a way out of here?" Lancie remarked.

"Like... out of this cavern?" Rainbow looked up and around. "Mmmm... maybe." She shuddered. "Guess there's one way to find out."

"Indeed." Lancie backflipped and landed in her saddlebag. "By the way, who invited you to the gasping contest."

"Huh?"

"You woke up sounding like you were practicing for the brass section of Celestia's orchestra."

"Never mind," Rainbow grumbled. "Same old same old."

"I've sat my granite butt on your bedside table enough nights to know a thing or two about 'same old same old."

"You don't know jack," Rainbow grumbled, reaching back and taking a swig of her potion. She stood calmly for a few seconds, breathing evenly as she allowed the feeling to come back to her limbs.

"Feel better?"

"Only once we're out of this stinkin' mountain and we can find a cure," she muttered. "So... downwards?"

Lancie smirked and gestured into the hole. "You said it! Not me!"

"Whatever." Rainbow Dash spread her wings and made to dive... only her body jerked in place. "Buh?"

"Something wrong, sunshine?"

"It's... it's sticky."

"What is?"

She shook her left hind leg, then shook it again. Once it slid free, she shone a ruby light over the granite partition at the end of the trench. There was nothing out of the ordinary. "Weird... could have sworn my fetlock got caught on something for a second there."

"Got caught on what?"

"Whatever. I just woke up. So sue me." Rainbow Dash dove deep into the hole.

"I suspect the lawsuits will follow after we venture into the monster lands," Lancie mused.

"Hardy har har..." Rainbow's half of the conversation grew faint. Her and Lancie were reduced to a tiny ruby glow descending swiftly down the throat of the vertical tunnel.

Seconds later...

The shadows above them shifted, swiftly turning into many-jointed shadows that scurried in ink-black motions after the pegasus.

They Call It the Woolie Hole

"Why would they build a drop like this?" Rainbow Dash muttered. "That's what I wanna know."

"Beats the heck out of me, Sparky," Lancie said with a shrug. Together, the two watched as several craggy lengths of rock wall shifted past them. Rainbow's descent was a slow one, and the vertical tunnel glistened all around them. "Maybe the engineers who dug the tunnel were in this place for so long that they had to carve themselves a poop chute."

Rainbow's muzzle scrunched. "You're not making this any easier."

"Well, sorry, my little pony," he uttered with yet another shrug. "Nopony died and made me the king of mysterious mountain holes."

"Just as well," Rainbow muttered, peering straight down as she drifted earthward, slowly, wing-tips fluttering. "I wouldn't have you spelunking ahead of me to scout." She glanced at the walls drifting past them. "Funny. There's something different about the inside of the cave here."

"Uh huh..."

Rainbow Dash grazed her hoof against the pearlescent stone. "Everything here is so... so polished and pale. Almost as if it was burned away by something... like... an acid."

"Uh huh... ... ..."

"Dude, Lancie, give a mare a hand here!" Rainbow exclaimed.

"What do you want from me?!"

"Well, for one, are you familiar with this kind of rock formation?"

"Eh. I've seen it all before," he said with a yawn.

"Yeah? Like where?"

"Back in the days before Celestia and Luna," he uttered, breathing evenly again. "A lot of nasty things walked this earth way back when. Things that make the monsters of present day look like slobbering puppies." He grinned. "I found them all quite pleasant, company, actually."

"Yeah, well, what's pleasant for you may not be pleasant for me," Rainbow muttered.

"Don't worry, Sparky," Lancie said with a wave of the talon. "So long as the cave's surface doesn't get filled with a bunch of porous holes, we should be A-Okay—"

Right as he said that, the ruby light from Rainbow's stone caught countless round impressions forming like reverse goosebumps along the walls of the tunnel. Rainbow grimaced, looking in every direction as she was surrounded by what resembled the surface of a golf ball magnified a hundred times. The stone had even become ghostly pale, just like the item in question. There was a rusty smell about the place, and—if Rainbow Dash tilted her ears just right—she could have sworn she heard a distant hissing, sizzling sound.

"... ... ...huh." Lancie blinked. "Well, then, I wouldn't fault you for flying back the way we came."

"Pffft. And get lost back in that endless cavern up above?" Rainbow nevertheless looked straight up. Darkness clouded the air above her, and there was no making out the windy chasm from which they descended. "I wanna explore down here. At least a little bit more. Something tells me that this place was burrowed later on... maybe as a detour for faster, safer passage."

"Sure, why not."

Rainbow frowned heavily. "Unless there's something you wish to tell me, ya little melon fudge!"

"What's to tell?!" Lancie cackled. "I'm doing the same spelunking mystery boogie as you, Sparky! All of this stuff was sculpted long... long after I last donned a party hat on this mortal plane."

"Could you at least tell me what kind of a phenomenon would have—y'know—made this sort of a tunnel possible?"

"I could tell you several!" Lancie grinned devilishly. "Which would you like to hear about? The creepy crawly type? Or the creepier crawlier?"

"Unnnnngh..."

"It really isn't too late to double back, y'know."

"No can do," Rainbow Dash. "Apple Bloom—"

"Apple Bloom Apple Bloom Apple Bloom..." Lancie rolled his eyes. "Y'know, before this silly conundrum flounced itself your way, I hadn't heard a single peep of that name! Why can't we be risking our necks for a foal who was more prevalent in your goofy life? Like that scrappy orange one?"

"You leave Scootaloo out of this."

"Hah! With a name like that, you'd think she deserve to have it etched in a tombstone sooner!"

"Lancie, for the last time—" Rainbow Dash's hooves made contact with the floor of the passage, and she instantly regretted it. Sticky, fibrous material stuck to her fetlocks. She grimaced, flapping her wings and lifting up until the gelatinous substance snapped free. "Eeeeugh... mega gross. Just what in the heck was that?"

"I'm tellin' ya, girl. Poop chute."

"That's not how poop works," Rainbow grumbled. "Besides, I think we're the only ones who've been down here for years." She peered about, shining her light on more porous rock—exposing a jagged tunnel that zig-zagged due west in an uneven pattern. She gulped. "The only civilized ones."

"Just ask yourself one question, Sparky," Lancie murmured. "Is Apple Bloom worth all of this?"

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath.

"Well?"

"I've never backed down before." She flew forward, wings outstretched as she threw herself into an even glide. "I'm not about to now."

"You realize how foolhardy that sounds?"

"I'm motherbucking loyalty incarnate," Rainbow snarled. "Let the world toss its fools at me."

"Spoken like a true corpse."

"Good. Then start recording."

Leave a Trail of Lancie Crumbs

"But honestly, I can't tell." Lancie stood straight up on Rainbow Dash's flank, stretching his body out and examining his hips. "Granite? Or marble? Granite or marble? Which do you think I am? 'Cuz I'm fairly certain marble would mean I've put on weight. And it's been several centuries since I was ever anything close to resembling marble. I swear—it's all those half-eaten cupcakes you bring home from Sugarcube Corner."

"Meh."

"Is that 'meh' for 'no, Lancie, I think it's who you are on the inside that matters, and weight shaming is far overrated'?"

"Here." Droning, Rainbow tossed up the ruby stone. "Catch."

"Stone Temple Ponies!" Lancie exclaimed, nervously juggling and catching the stone. He hugged it to his chest, wincing, only for nothing to happen. "Uhmmm..."

"We're not being blown away," Rainbow said, gazing at the sparsely illuminated crags of rock around them. "The wind barricade enchantment doesn't reach down here. I wonder why that is."

"Ahem..." Lancie held the stone back out to the pegasus. "Sparky, at the risk of sounding hypocritical—have you lost your mind?"

"No. Just..." Rainbow grasped the glowing shard back from him and stared forward, sighing. "Everything about this place feels wrong. Why would the griffons make a tunnel detour? It sort of... disrupts the very purpose of having Spindel's Narrow in the first place."

"Maybe this was their vacation spot," Lancie mused. "Give it a few more paces, and we'll discover their spas and tanning beds."

"Lancie, this isn't a time to j—" Rainbow froze in place. She spun around, looking back the way they came.

Some of the shadows receded—or so she thought. Within seconds, everything was still and dead once again. The only movement was her flapping wings, and it sent a shudder through her cold bones.

"What is it?" Lancie asked.

"I... I'm not sure..." Rainbow gulped. She shone the light up, glancing left and right. "I thought I heard... heard..."

"Yes...?"

"... ... ...skittering."

"We are pretty deep below solid earth," Lancie said. "I doubt whatever lives at these depths is of the fluffy or fuzzy variety."

"Yeah, but this was loud skittering," Rainbow muttered. "Like hippopotamuses on stilts."

"Hippopotamuses on stilts." Lancie smiled. "I ought to write that down."

"For what?"

"Oh, y'know." He shrugged. "Memoirs."

"Hmmmmf... uh huh..." Rainbow glided forward yet again. "How many volumes will that be?"

"Too many," he mused. "Puberty alone will cover three hundred doorstoppers, thought I doubt anypony in their right mind will wanna read ten million words about me shaving my talon hairs and going through my 'pretty pretty princess' stage."

"Lancie, I've gotta ask..." Rainbow smirked slightly. "Did you ever... y'know... have friends in the past?"

Lancie blinked, his expression pale and blank.

"Cuz you talk about having been alived for thousands and thousands of years. So, y'know... statistics and all... you had to have taken on some kind of a posse or something, right?"

"Huh..."

"What? Are you shocked at the idea?"

"No. Just... that anypony would even ask that."

"Well, would you hate me for being even the slightest bit—" The two drifted into complete and utter darkness. "—curious?" Rainbow blinked, looking left and right.

"Well, this is new," Lancie remarked.

"Hold up." Rainbow held the ruby stone low, revealing the porous pale rock. "Floor's still here." She flapped her wings, lifting up, up, up. Ten seconds into her ascent, the ceiling appeared. "There's the top of the cave." She shone the stone left and right, but couldn't locate the walls. "Meh... we're in another cavern."

"Only—this time—it's not a wind blown one."

"Right..." Rainbow suddenly brightened. "Say! You know what I think?"

"Hmm?"

"This was probably a well of some sort! Yeah..." She glanced up at the statue. "You remember how wet and drippy it was up in Spindel's Narrow. Maybe the griffons—like—were afraid of the tiny passage getting flooded, so they carved out this place as a reservoir."

"I doubt that," Lancie said.

"Huh?"

"The walls—then—would be perfectly smooth and polished," he explained. "From countless eons of waterflow."

"Huh... for real?"

"I'm pretty sure."

"Wowsers, Lancie. That was... surprisingly smart and helpful."

"I'm not just here for good looks, girl."

Rainbow nodded. "Yeah, well, if this isn't a well or a reservoir, then what else could it—?"

Something brushed past her ear hairs, followed by rampant skittering.

Rainbow gasped. She spun around with the beacon.

All was silent and still. She saw a floor of uneven, pockmarked rock. But nothing more.

"... ... ... ..." Rainbow stared and stared.

More skittering, this time from the opposite side.

Rainbow twirled again. Lancie clung tight for fear of being thrown off. Rainbow shone the light against the ceiling. She did so just in time to see a flake or two of pale rock—like plaster—falling down before her. As she observed this, she heard even more skittering—only it was coming from two directions, spreading in opposite directions and dying out to her left and right.

And then, once again, silence.

"Sparky...?"

Rainbow gulped. "Yeah, Lancie?"

"If I was a puny, fragile mortal," he muttered. "I would venture upon returning to Spindel's Narrow far above us."

Rainbow nodded. "Yeah, Lancie..."

"... ... ...perhaps we should venture upon returning to Spindel's Narrow far above us?"

"Right..." Rainbow turned and turned some more. "Only... there's one problem."

"And what's that?"

Rainbow bit her lip. "Uhm..." She shivered slightly, shining the light in every direction possible. All that loomed before her was blackness. "...from what direction did we enter this stinkin' place?"

This Is The Part Where You Unsubscribe

"You mean you lost your sense of direction?!?" Lancie stammered.

"Because I was turning around to much to inspect... inspect..." Rainbow shrugged, her voice cracking. "Whatever!"

"But you're a pegasus!" Lancie cackled, frowning. "I thought you always knew which direction was east! Er... north!"

"Do I look like a goose?!"

"No, but I bet you make love like one."

"Lancie..."

"I'm sorry! It's been several eons since I last found myself locked away in the dark heart of a mountain! I have to crack jokes or else I'll crumble into gravel!"

"We are not locked away in the dark heart of a mountain," Rainbow grumbled, nevertheless twirling about with the stone's ruby spotlight trembling. "I just got a bit too wrapped up in some random noises. That's all. What we gotta do now is... is find a way back into the tunnel from which we came."

"There's no moving forward through this mess?"

"I'm... not sure I wanna do that anymore." Rainbow gulped. "I really should never have broken off from Spindel's Narrow."

"Well now she says it out loud!"

"I don't remember you protesting! Ever!" Rainbow frowned. "In fact, you're the one who first discovered this—"

Something skittered closer, thunderous.

"...!" Rainbow spun and shone the light.

The skittering stopped on a dime, but Rainbow's light couldn't catch anything.

"... ... ..." She glanced up, realizing that that particular patch of stone ceiling above her wasn't being illuminated. She tilted the stone's glow upwards, slowly.

But before that patch of rock could be revealed, the skittering scraaaaaaped past her and Lancie, and her light ended up illuminating nothing but dull rock—albeit with a flake or two of pale dust freshly falling loose.

Rainbow squinted.

For a moment, she could have sworn she saw tiny-tiny claw marks criss-crossing over the porous holes in the ceiling's surface.

Lancie whistled, blinked, then eventually said, "Who knows? Could be kittens."

"Shut up, Lancie."

He shrugged with a smile. "I'm just saying—"

"It's not kittens!" Rainbow growled. "If that was a kitten, then I swear off cats forever!"

Lancie giggled.

"What?!?!" Rainbow snarled through clenched teeth.

"Just... j-just..." He pointed with a stone talon. "If instead of 'cats' you had said 'p—'"

"I'm sorry if I'm not in a joking mood," Rainbow grumbled, turning around once again. "Let's just figure a way out of this rathole." She whapped her fuzzy head several times, brow scrunched in deep thought. "Okay... okay okay okay... so we're in a large, wide chamber. If I wanna get back to the tunnel that brought us here... then... th-then I gotta go find a wall first."

She glided down, wings spread outward, and skimmed the uneven floor. The ruby spotlight illuminated the rippling earthscape in front of her.

"And once I've found the wall, then I'll just... y'know... hug its surfaces until I find a tunnel and I take that."

"Ah yes..." Lancie nodded, holding on tight. "The Wolfenstallion Technique!"

"Huh?"

"But if there are multiple tunnels out of this chamber, then your idea is just going to screw you in the end."

"Would it kill you to be positive for once?"

"Well, no..."

"Unnngh..." Rainbow rolled her eyes—but then a solid surface materialized in her ruby spotlight. "Ah! There we go—wait..."

She flapped her wings, coming to a stop. A thick stalacmite appeared, rising up and narrowing before connecting to the ceiling above.

"... ... ...this place is a lot bigger than I thought," Rainbow grumbled.

"Okay, so, like... at first we were lost," Lancie mused. "But now, thanks to you, we're lost within lost!"

"Dude! Not like you were helping any!"

"Sooner than we know it, we'll be locked up someplace, earning ourselves fish biscuits—"

"Lancie, for the love of Celestia, would you—"

More skittering... layers of it, this time. Rainbow Dash turned around, shining the spotlight. She trembled in mid-air, for the sounds doubled on top of themselves, resembling an avalanche of skulls rolling in her direction. She backed up with quivering feathertips, not wanting to actually illuminate the source of the unknown bedlam undulating towards her. The very edges of her light caught sharp, needling shadows, growing more and more numerous.

"Lancie, I... I'm not sure what to do anymore," she stammered.

"Some advice?" He remarked, clinging to her mane. "Let's go anywhere that isn't close to whatever that is."

"Right." Rainbow nodded, spun around, and flew away from the noise. It was no easy feat. The further she glided, she was almost certain the skittering was coming closer. Surrounding. Encompassing. Soon, the entire cavern echoed with it, turning into a deep bass roar of predatory rumblings.

"Whew boy...!" Lancie's voice reached a higher pitch. "That'll haunt your dreams! Hah!"

"Try and be useful!" Rainbow's voice cracked.

"I am!" Lancie frowned. "I'm exercising guile and spunk in the face of impenetrable calamity!"

"How about, instead, you keep an eye out for—" Rainbow flew smack-dab into a griffon's feathery forehead. "Ooof!"

"Guh!" Lancie's body was flung forward. He grabbed onto Rainbow's mane, anchoring himselft at the last second.

Rainbow drifted backwards, then hovered in place. "Oh jeez! Dude... d-dude, I... I-I didn't even see you there!"

The griffon hovered in front of her, teetering left and right from the impact.

"Man, you gotta help me," Rainbow stammered, her ears twitching from the flood of noise coming closer and closer from behind. "I-I got lost in this place you guys built, and I-I think something's after me. Could you help me? We could fly out of here together!"

The griffon said nothing, his head turning away from her.

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "...buddy?"

"Sparky..." Lancie pointed at the griffon with a single talon.

Holding her breath, Rainbow raised the glowing stone.

The griffon's head was turning around and around in a full circle. By the time it returned, Rainbow saw a petrified beak and a mottled crest of feathers—but no eyes. The sockets were completely empty—save for a crusty collection of dead worms upon greater illumination. It was then that the rest of the griffon's body came into focus, and it was wrapped all over in glossy silk slime.

Rainbow's jaw dropped. It was then that she heard a gross, curdling sound. She looked up, following her gaze with the spotlight of her stone.

Her illumination revealed a thin silk thread from which the griffon's body was suspended. This converged with several other silk threads, all of which were littered with the bodies of petrified griffons wrapped in slime. Finally, as the silk strands joined together, her light caught a bulbous round body with a glistening "hourglass" pattern. Then several onyx-black joints converged in the center, and they were all attached to limbs that were attached to more limbs that were busy with the task of spinning a freshly killed griffon 'round and 'round, wrapping it in glossy white silk coming out of the spinneret of the creature's undulating abdomen.

Then, once the tender morsel was appropriately "packaged," the hulking creature pivoted around on the web, revealed a pair of crimson fangs, and—SCHLUNKKKK!—stuck the hairy things deep into the torso of the feathery prey. The air gurgled with a sucking sound, and it was precisely then that Rainbow's beacon illuminated six beady black eyes positioned in the middle of a gnarled, arachnid face.

The beast stopped feasting, ripped its fangs out of the griffon, and lifted its twitching frame. Upon seeing the living pegasus, the monster's pedipalps stopped quivering, spread wide, and revealed a vertical mouth laced with maggots and blood. Two beaks protruded as the thing shrieked with rancid breath:

"SHREEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEE!"

Rainbow Dash paled, hear ears folding back as she struggled to hold in her lunch.

"Whoah ho ho ho!" Lancie chuckled, his body—as well as Rainbow's—overwhelmed by the beast's shadow. "Suddenly I remember my first date!"

"Hold on!" Rainbow spun, flapped her wings, and bolted away from the web.

On skittering black claws, the ginormous spider grabbed onto the ceiling and thundered after them. Scrk—kk—kk—kk—kktt! "SKREEEE!"

Spider Seas!

"Hey, slow down, Sparky!" Lancie grinned, clinging to the Rainbow Dash's tail hairs as the pegasus soared through the dark, dark tunnel. "Charlotte only wants a kiss!"

"Shut the buck up, Lancie!" Rainbow's voice cracked and cracked. She flashed the ruby light of her stone straight ahead, narrowly avoiding the stalactites blurring past her. "Help me look for the way outta here!"

"I don't see what the repulsion is!" Lancie crawled up to her shoulders and looked back. "I mean, aside from its tendency to suck the internal organs out of a mortal being while it's still alive, it's actually quite a beautiful creature!"

WHAMMM! The giant arachnid brutally plowed through stalactite after stalactite in its unimpeded charge after the pony. "SHREEEE-EEE-EEE-EEE!!!" Stone shards and pebbles bounced off its bulbous, hairy abdomen as it skit-skit-skittered through the cavernous dark.

"Buckthatnoise! Buckthatnoise! Buckthatnoise!" Rainbow clenched through her teeth, bobbing left and right. She flapped her wings through the hot air—hot air that was growing hotter from the monster's fangs and pedipalps quivering closer and closer to her fetlocks. "Where's the friggin' exit?!?!"

"Hey! Look!" Lancie pointed to the left. "I think I see a way out—"

FWOOOSH! Rainbow swung hard to her left, barrel-rolled past an exploding chunk of rock, then kicked off the flying debris to win a few more feet of distance. As the dust cleared, she found herself flying straight for a web covered all over in dead griffon skeletons.

"BUCK!" Rainbow spun in mid-air, pivoted her wings, and stopped her limbs just inches from the sticky material.

"Well, from the glow's angle, I thought it was a—" Lancie jerked.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaugh!" Rainbow hollered a war-cry, zipping back the way she came.

"SKREEEE!" The spider twirled, its cedar-thick fangs lunging. SM-SMASSSH! The beast's venom'd tusks imbedded themselves into the ceiling just a meter behind Rainbow's tail. The pegasus threaded the shrinking needle between the cave's surface and the soft squirmy underbelly of the spider. She slipped out just in time to avoid the thing's fat abdomen slamming the rock like a red-painted dumbbell.

POWWW!

"Ooomf!" Rainbow Dash's body was thrown forward from the shockwave of the blast. She landed on a sheet of porous rock, tumbled for several yards, and came to a sliding stop. "Unnngff!"

"Whew!" Lancie rolled into an upside-down slump, shrugging with a smile. "We were almost the butt of that one!"

GRIP! Rainbow yanked him by the antlers and snarled into his face. "Are you trying to get us killed?!?"

"That only works halfway, silly."

"I'm serious!"

"You want my advice?" Lancie shrugged from her dangling grasp. "If you wanna escape, fly us in the direction away from the big bad death spider. I mean... pffft... there's only one of them—!"

Skitter skitter skitter!

Sk-Skitter Sk-Skitter Sk-Skitter!

Sk-Sk-Sk-Sk-Sk-Sk-Skitter!

Rainbow Dash blinked. She and Lancie looked in every direction. The noise was growing closer, louder, surrounding. At last, Rainbow Dash shone the Wind Chalice's stone before them.

She once again saw the porous, acidic rock of the cave's floor and ceiling. Only—this time—the holes weren't empty. They were crawling with limbs, hairs, feelers. An entire ocean of skittering abominations rippled out of the grated surfaces. A forest of beady black eyes reflected the ruby light—sharper—for they were all skittering closer, in Rainbow's direction, with so many hooked legs and fangs that it sounded like rattlesnakes being shoved deep into Rainbow's fuzzy ears.

"Aaaaugh!" Rainbow batted one puppy-sized tarantula away, then another, and another and another and another. "Not cool...!" She whimpered and flapped her wings as they climbed on her from all directions, tickling, shimmying, drooling. "Not cool not cool not cool!" Just as she lifted up on flapping wings, she found her pupils shrinking from a curtain of many-legged things gliding down towards her from the ceiling like hairy chandeliers. "Guhhhhh!" She reached around for something to swat the arachnid swarm with.

"You know, you should have asked your gal pal from griffontown if you could borrow her battleaxe for the journey—WHOAH!" Lancie wheezed.

"Rrrrrrgh!" Rainbow swung Lancie's stone body like a golf club. WHACK! She slammed six tarantulas like pinatas. "Back!" SPLATTT! She squashed an entire gooey swath of them like water balloons. "Get back! Grrrrgh!" She spat and reduced several more leaping pests to pulpous mush. "I'm d-dangerous when I'm awesome!" she stammered, voice cracking heavily.

"Ummmfff..." Lancie glared off, his features covered in spider goop. "...it was only a matter of time, I suppose." Suddenly, his face lit up. "Oh! Hey! We were missing you!"

"Huh?" Rainbow spun around, following his eyesight until it connected with—

"SKREEE-EEE-EEEE!!!" The house-sized matriarch came charging through, its hooked feet kicking up entire swaths of leg-thrashing hatchlings as the entire cave filled with arachnia.

Web-Sling(!)

"Guh!" Rainbow Dash flapped her wings, pushing herself in reverse.

"Uhhhh..." Lancie wiped a fresh layer of spider goops off his stone face and stammered, "Not to be a buzzkill, Sparky, but you might wanna move your—"

"SHREE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE!" The martiarch lunged at her, its vertical mouth full of chomping beaks.

"Gaaaaaaaaah!" Rainbow flew backwards from it. The monster's padipalps lashed out, grasping the pegasus and trying to reel her in. Rainbow Dash stabbed downward with Lancie, deflecting one fang after another as the venom-drenched barbs strove to impale her. At last, in a fit of desperation, Rainbow shone the ruby stone right in front of the round black eyes of the beast.

"SKREE-EE-EE!" The matriarch did not like that one bit. One leg flew up, smacking Rainbow hard across the flank.

"OOMF!" Rainbow flew off, bounced off a stalactite, and fell onto a swath of polished stone. "Unnngh..."

The dim cave grew dimmer... and foggy. The skittering of baby spiders became a distant percussion, along with the thudding hooked feet of the matriarch as it stumbled about, recovering from the exposure to managlow.

Rainbow Dash crawled across the floor, then found herself anchored in place. Exhaling with a shudder, she looked back to see that her right fetlock had gotten caught in a strand of spider silk attached to the wall.

"Oh come on...!" She shook, thrashed, and strained to yank herself loose. "Nnnnnngh—COME ON!"

"Sparkyyyyy..." Lancie scurried up, mounted her backside, and shook her shoulders. "...now would be a very good time for a sonic rainboom or something."

"A sonic rainboom?! In here?! Are you crazy?!" Rainbow spat and hissed, fighting the silk. "I can't even friggin' move!"

"You're a mortal!" Lancie exclaimed as the beast's thudding steps came closer. "You're always the lucky one in these circumstances!"

"Lucky?! How am I lucky?!"

"You get to die!" Lancie pouted. "Me? I'll have to live forever here in Spiderville! Undigestible and without wings!"

"But I thought... grnngh... you liked... th-these things!"

"I did at first! But did you catch her breath? Whew! For being so far away from Fillydelphia, it smells like these arachnids got plenty of cheesestake!"

"Gotta get out of this... gotta... gotta..." Rainbow looked around, then stared directly into the ruby light of her Wind Chalice stone. "Of course!"

"Care to fill me in on the cream filling?"

"Just hold on! And tight!" Rainbow gnashed her teeth, clutching the stone to her chest as she flapped her wings hard and harder.

The wind around her picked up, forming a tight cyclone. The spider hatchlings skittering towards her found themselves held back by an invisible wall.

"Grnnnngh... almost... g-got it!" Rainbow hissed, flapping her wings with the aid of the magical wind.

"SHREE-EE-EE-EE-EE!" Fangs glistening, the matriarch fearlessly trudged through the cyclone.

"It's no good, Sparky!" Lancie shouted, his lower body flailing as he gripped to Rainbow's mane. "Stop trying to hold her back and start trying to move your keister!"

"Mmmfnngh! Got it!" Rainbow angled her wings, then propelled herself forward with a pulse of ruby energy.

Fwooooosh! She soared straight forward—only to come to a shuddering stop. She looked back, gasping—seeing that the silk strand was still holding her in place. Like a bungie cord, it flung her back the way she came, and directly towards the Matriarch and her looming fangs.

"Ah jeez!" Lancie buried his face in Rainbow's mane. "It was nice knowing you—"

Rainbow's lunge accelerated, and the strand flung her back faster than the beast could strike.

CL-CLANK! The spider's giant fangs struck the cave floor right after she passed.

Rainbow flew beneath the spider's bulbous body, past her spinneret, and came to a stop above the sea of tiny hatchlings. At this point, the silk strand was stretched to its full limit. Yet again, it flexed, then flung Rainbow forward.

"Gaaaaaaaaaiiie!" Rainbow flailed, concentrated, then flung her wings in time with the forward swing. FWOOOOOSH! The enchanted wind flew her forward. She pivoted in time to thread through the beast's two sharp fangs. SNAPPP! The strand finally broke, and Rainbow was a free bullet, sailing violently through the winding tunnels.

"Right!" Lancie hollered.

Rainbow darted to her side. Stalactites loomed.

"Left!" Lancie shouted.

Rainbow gritted her teeth and twirled in the direction indicated. She cleared the stalactites, then found herself sailing towards a flat wall full of holes.

Lancie gulped. "Multiple choice!"

"Uhhhhhhh—" Rainbow looked all around—then jerked. Out the corner of her eye, she spotted a flicker of light. Curving her wings, she aimed her body towards the hole in question, narrowly threading through. Her figure pinballed off the tight walls of the cave before rolling out onto a cavern full of dimly glowing light. Thick crystals pulsed with blue and green mana, giving the place an ethereal feel.

But Rainbow was too numb and battered to enjoy the view. "Unnngh..." She rolled over on numb limbs, lifted her head, then collapsed with a heavy wheeze.

Rainbow Delirium

"Uhhh... Sparky?" Lancie pulled and tugged on the mare's tail. In the distance, a howling shriek loomed closer and closer, accompanied by frigid waves of rancid breaths. "Errr... no time for napping, Sparky. Only for crapping!" He yanked harder on her tail hairs. "In the spirit of an age-old idiom: Move it or lose it, sister!"

"Mrmmff... I'm... I'm flying..." Rainbow Dash grumbled, lurching onto her hooves. "Knock it off, ya lawn ornament," she shoved him aside, stumbling. "Why's everypony gotta..." She spat up some bile, then teetered into a stalagmite. "...g-gotta pull on my tail? It'll friggin' snap off... swear to Luna..."

"Uhhhh..." Lancie arched a stone eyebrow. "Sparky? Are you feeling okay?"

"Just... lost my tail wind..." Rainbow took two steps forward, collapsed, and slumped her boy up against another rock formation. She shivered while skittering claw-scrapes drew closer and closer. "Mmmmfff... Gilda... silly friggin' goose..." She held up the ruby shard—but dropped it limply to the cave floor.

Lancie sucked in a hissing breath, then went scampering for the rock. If it weren't for the luminescent crystals looming all around them, the cavern would have bathed them in pitch black. "Watch it, Sparky!" Lancie's voice cracked. "Has anypony told you that you suck at juggling?"

"Mrmmfff... ghhhghh..." Rainbow's eyes teetered sleepily back and forth. "Grmmm... muggle juggle... h-huggle..." She shook her head. Hard. "Blblblblbbb!"

"Is... is it your noodle-limbs?" Lancie stood up straight, holding out the Wind Chalice stone. "Do I need to play Dr. Statue and pour some zebraquil down your gullet?"

"It's... no no it's... different..." Rainbow Dash wheezed. Stumbling, she nevertheless grasped the statue and managed to fly herself into a low hover. "Feeling... really... really thin..." She gulped. "...in the blood tubes."

"But, I don't get it! You just outflew all those creepy crawlies!" Lancie shrugged wildly. "Why would you be suffering the spooks now—?" Right as he said that, a few drops of blood spilled across his chiseled features. He wiped his stone goatee clean and squinted at her. "Say... Sparky..."

"Huh...?" Rainbow Dash turned, blinking. She looked down at her flank. Just below her cutie mark, a long red scrape tarnished the skin. Trickles of blood ran loose from the wound, as well as a different fluid... a green fluid. "The... b-buck is that...?"

"Stay calm, Sparky," Lancie suddenly muttered in a firm tone. He stroked his chin in thought. "Take nice, even breaths. Regulate your heartbeat."

"Regulate... urp... for one?"

"Because I know giant spider venom when I see it."

"Wh-what?!" Rainbow Dash stammered, eyes wide. "But I thought I avoided the freak's fangs!"

"Well, apparently you didn't avoid it enough." Lancie pointed with a stone talon. "The bugger totally grazed you."

"Grazed me?!" Rainbow Dash seethed through clenched teeth. "And just how bad is 'grazed me' on the Grand Uh Oh Scale?"

"Shree-ee-ee-ee!" The matriarch's banshee cry rippled through the tunnel. Rainbow Dash turned to look with a gasp.

Beyond the penumbra of the crystals' glow, she saw an ink-black web of shadows. Brightly lit stalactites hung like fangs... and soon they moved like fangs. The mouth of the cave drooled, its long through stretching and receding at the same time. Tiny gnarled shapes in the ceiling and floor formed perfect arachnid eyes.

Rainbow's ears folded back as she nervously backtrotted from the sight. "Lancie... do... do you see...?"

"A spider of that size has enough venom in a single bite to paralyze a herd of buffalo," Lancie's voice said. "But... just a drop of that? In a petite pegasus' open wound? Well... who's to know what the venom can do?"

The hairs on the back of Rainbow's neck stood on end. She felt things crawling past her fetlock, and then a slimy curdling in the statue's direction. With a sharp gasp, she spun to look at Lancie.

"But, at least you're not rolling on the floor, foaming at the mouth," said Lancie, his necrotic skin covered all over in postules and cockroaches. His eye fell out, dangling with red meat, as he turned to look casually up at the mare. "Hey, Sparky. Yoohoo... are you still in there?" At the last word, his mouth opened wide, and a dead filly with a red bow was vomited out, covered in phlegm.

Rainbow Dash yelped, stumbling backwards. CRACK! Her body jolted. She raised two forelimbs before her wide eyes. Her legs had broken and the bones were sticking out. "Gnnngh! Mmmmf!" She covered her eyes with a pair of healthy fetlocks, shuddered, and reopened her eyes.

Her hooves were back to normal, but her lower legs were lying in a hospital bed. An electronic beeping noise echoed across the cave, and she looked over to see a sobbing young pegasus nuzzling her side.

"Dad..." The filly wept. "Daddy, you c-can't go! You're too awesome to die!"

"Rrrrgh!" Rainbow hugged herself, hyperventilating. She felt tiny legs crawling all over her. She swung a hoof, batting the shadows away, only to feel her limb bitten by savage eagle beaks. "Aaaaugh! Hnnng!" She grabbed the beak, squeezing hard, until she heard a hissing sound. Her eyes opened.

Lancie dangled in her grip, his stone throat being strangled to the breaking point. "How's... the trip... going...?"

"Lancie... Lancie..." Rainbow panted and panted. Sweat poured down her brow and filled every pit. She looked around, her pinprick pupils reflecting the otherworldly crystal glow while the martiarch's limbs skittered closer. "... ... ...I'm in it d-deep."

Dash! Spark! It's all in the mind...

Dash! Spark! It's all in the mind...

Howling shrieks flew through the cave's mouth, morphing into parasprites that gobbled up very corner of Rainbow's home, bringing it crashing down around her. As Rainbow fell, she spun about, clutching her skull. She stumbled, limped, and tripped over a series of shattered pendants.

"Ooomf!" Rainbow winced. At the sound of maddening laughter, she stared up, her eyes following the dark-dark fetlocks of an enormous alicorn with a rippling mane.

Nightmare Moon smiled down at her, fanged teeth glinting. "You need to pull yourself together, Sparky," she said in Lancie's voice. She stalked closer, trotting over the bodies of dead friends. "At the risk of sounding sappy, you're a great deal better than this."

"I can't... I-I can't...!" Rainbow clamped her hooves over her ears and curled up into a ball. "Grnnnghhh... so... so many..." At the sound of banshee shrieks, she looked across the Apple Family living room to see Zecora and Noir looming over a cot with a limp yellow body lying across it. They hung their grave faces and shook their heads. The farmhouse burned black like a lit photograph, blazing past Rainbow and forcing her eyes to roll back. "Grnnngh... so m-many mistakes..." She whimpered, rolling over in the clouds as the mist evaporated beneath her. "I'm a loser. I've lost." A sob formed in the back of her throat. "I-I can't st-stop losing..."

Rainbow's world shook from several successive claw scratches. The cave echoed, growing rancid... raw.

"Sparky, just... just forget what you see!" Lancie's voice took on a sharp turn. "Can you at least hear normally?"

"What... what's...?" Rainbow opened her eyes, only to see Ponyville in flames. Bodies littered the fringes along Everfree Forest while manticores feasted on the dead. Seething, Rainbow covered her eyes and whimpered: "No. Don't want to see. Do not want to see...!"

"Then let's work on the other half of your senses!" Skittering, stone talon-scrapes circled her, then took position several feet away. "Do you hear my voice? Yooohoooo! Handsome immortal extraordinaire, paging Sparky!"

"I... I hear..." Rainbow shuddered, rolling over onto her belly. She slowly picked herself up on wobbling limbs. "I h-hear you..." The mare crawled forward, navigating the dizzying darkness. "Loud... and cl-clear..."

"Good. Because in the other direction...?" Just as he said that, Rainbow could feel a cold breath blowing at her tail-hairs. "...there's something coming. And I promise you it's more real than anything you could be afraid of right now."

"Lancie..." Rainbow clenched her teeth, shuffling forward. "This isn't going to work. I'm far too... too..." She briefly squinted her eyes open, catching glimpses of a blood-stained scooter at the bottom of a ravine. "Aaaugh!"

"Keep them ruby peepers closed, ya stupid girl-horse!" Lancie growled. "It's hard enough trying to psycho-coach you and find a way out at the same time—"

"Gotta... gotta move..."

"Look, I know you're probably battling giant muderous gingerbread stallions in your head right now, but could find a drool-free moment to just touch the Wind Chalice stone? I'm finding it hard to see in all this—"

"Darkness!" Rainbow Dash wheezed. "Lancie... f-find us a corner or a niche!"

"Huh? Sparky, I dunno if you're aware, but Queen Sassy Legs is shambling up to finish the job—"

"Just do it!" Rainbow hollered, opening her eyes with a frown. "And grab onto the stone once you've—"

A savage hoof flew across Rainbow's face. WHAM!

Rainbow yelped, rolling over into the corner of the Cloudsdale apartment. She curled up into a ball, whimpering. "Stop! J-Just stop...!" She whimpered in a foalish tone, shivering. "I didn't mean to embarrass you in front of everypony!"

"Sparky! I found a spot!"

"Listing..." Rainbow gulped. "Listing, just c-cool your jets..."

"Yoohoo! Could you can the soap opera for one second?!"

Rainbow clenched her teeth. Growling slightly, she shuffled over and threw herself into the corner. Lancie tumbled and fell over her flank. "Oof!"

A loud shriek issued across the cavern.

"Do you have the stone?!" Rainbow sputtered.

Lancie's voice returned: "Yeah, but I—"

"Hold it! Hold it tight!" Rainbow hugged Lancie close to her chest, careful not to come into physical contact with the stone in his grip. "And. Don't. Move."

"But—"

"Shhhh!" Rainbow Dash leaned back, muscles locked. She tried her best not to shiver.

Meanwhile, the cavern all around her filled with scrapes and scratching noises. The air grew cold, and the smell of dead flesh filled her nostrils.

Lancie squirmed suddenly against Rainbow's chest, and she silenced him with a heavy squeeze. She dared to peak one eye open—delighted to see nothing but pitch black darkness.

Then she heard it.

"SKREE-EE-EE-EE-EE..."

The air shifted. Rocks were scraped... raked...

Pebbles rolled across the floor, brushing against Rainbow's fetlock. The contact set off her sense of touch, and she felt for a brief moment as if maggots were bursting out of her chest. She could briefly imagine the griffons devouring her entrails. Gilda smiled, her beak dribbling with blood.

"Mmmmm!" Rainbow clamped a hoof over her muzzle. As the nightmares faded, tears welled up in her eyes. Something else brushed past her—a long, hairy, spindly thing. The matriarch was within inches of the pegasus and the statue, pausing, lingering, searching.

Lancie was as still as unnaturally possible. His stone talons and paws clamped over the stone, keeping it from glowing.

"SKREE! SK-SKREE!" The matriarch called out in successive chirps... almost as if it was summoning something.

Within a minute, Rainbow Dash realized just what.

The cave echoed with a high-pitched echo, as if the mare was at the bottom end of a rain-stick. Thousands upon millions of tiny spider limbs entered from the mouth of the cave, rushing closer... closer.

She had no choice. If she moved, she was food.

Tilting her head aside, the mare stifled a whimper, at last whispering: "Lancie..."

"Yes, Sparky?"

She gulped. "Do spiders have ears?"

The statue in her grasp shifted. "None that I've ever witnessed," he replied, his voice slightly jittery. "Over all the eons."

Rainbow nodded. When she next gulped, she felt a wave of hallucinations rolling through her mind, stabbing at her optic nerves. So, with a mewling voice, she murmured a mantra to hold the delusions at bay. She repeated six words... the six words... over and over again, more and more ardently.

The first spider in the arachnid wave made contact with her hoof. It brushed its pedipalps against her fetlock, searched, shuffled, found nothing, and continued crawling... as did the tarantula behind it... and the one behind that... and the next dozen... two dozen... hundred.

Rainbow pressed herself against the wall of the cave as the floodwater of arachnia washed over her, following the Matriarch down the cavern. She leaned her head to the side so that her muzzle was the least bit exposed. She chiseled the nightmares into finite pinpricks of hellish light in the center of her mind—like freckles—and she nuzzled them desperately.

Repeating six words.

Legs all over her body.

Six words.

Clawed feet in her mane and tail hairs.

Six words.

Tiny fangs dragging over her muzzle and nostrils.

Six words...

Dashoprhenically

Rainbow Dash didn't know how long she had been lying at the bottom of the canyon.

She shook, shivered, then stirred her limbs.

A thick sheath hung tightly off her petite frame. Struggling, grunting, she popped one hoof loose... then another. She shredded the papery outer skin apart, shrugging the flakes off with a flick of her tail. Trotting forward, she navigated the boneyard, exhaling blood bursts into the cosmic drift.

"But I can't... I just c-can't," she whimpered. She tilted her head up, squinting at the mouth of the canyon. "You're too awesome. And... and I'm just not awesome enough."

The rooftops of Ponyville loomed above her. She fell towards them, flipping, flapping her wings so that she glided safely onto grassy gnoll behind City Hall. As soon as she landed, the earth gave way, ripping to shreds beneath her like wet paper. Rainbow gasped, staring straight down into the gaping abyss where hundreds of beady foal eyes stared back up, waiting.

"Should... should have claimed me when I was just a kid." She gulped, backing up with a nervous shudder. Two cave spiders skittered past her limbs, but she ignored them, turning around. "It wasn't skill that made me last so long, Dad." She gulped. "It was luck."

"Mrmmfff..." Gilda rolled her eyes, leaning grumpily against the doorframe to Sugarcube Corner. "Always hogging it to yourself. Were you eventually going to tell me how weak you were, Dash?" She grumbled, throwing the door open for the mare. "Or is that another thing you had tucked between Listing's legs?"

Rainbow glanced at her while the floor slid her icily into Sugarcube Corner. Neon light flickered off her mane, and she tilted her head up, squinting.

The giant, mountain-sized figures of Lyra, Vinyl, Octavia, and Caramel laughed and drank around the bar table. No matter how quickly Rainbow Dash trotted towards them, she just became a smaller and smaller speck on the table-top. Soon, she was too tiny to even see the molecules that made up the marefriends' laughing teeth.

"I've drifted... drifted so far away from you guys..." She fought a lump down her throat, turning to look behind her flapping wings. Five colorful lumps slept soundly inside Twilight's parents' house, gliding further and further into the distance. The orange shape with freckles shimmered in the Canterlot nightlight. "That's not awesome," she shuddered. "That's not awesome at all."

WHAM! Her body slammed into a tall, granite statue.

Wincing, Rainbow spun above the Royal Gardens.

The floor was littered with stone shards. Each chunk of chaotic rock shook, wobbled, then grew eight spiny legs. The spiders spun about, leering at the mare.

Rainbow Dash backed away from them, gnashing her teeth. Schlunkkk! A crooked dagger ripped its way deep into her wing muscles. "Aaaaugh!"

Romulus gripped her from behind, snarling into the mare's twitching ear. "Caught up with you, ya pathetic loser!" He twisted the hilt of the dagger while his beak glistened in the fires of a Fillydelphia warehouse. "And I'm going to feed you to all your friends." He hissed. "Scrumptious... loyalty..."

"Rrrrgh—will you... buzz off?!" Rainbow grabbed hilt of the blade, twisted it, and opened the door wide open. She blinked, peering onto Serenity Shindig's arid lawn.

In the sweltering Fillyda sunlight, Stu Leaves sat in a slump, his wings drooped.

Rainbow gazed at him. "Stu...?"

"If you're not awesome enough..." He stood up, trotted over to the outhouse, and opened Silver Shill's mouth. "Then who else deserves her?" Guiltily, he trudged down the crazed stallion's throat.

"Stu, wait!" Rainbow Dash galloped towards him.

Epcot closed the door to the outhouse. The Experimental Chaperone stared at Rainbow Dash, smiling calmly.

Rainbow skidded to a stop, panting. "Epcot...?! How...?!" Spiders poured out of her mouth. She coughed, spat, and punched at them, reeling backwards across the crystalline bough before Fibb's headquarters. Cave rocks collapsed all around her, forming cracks in the translucent branches. Whimpering, she flashed frenzied looks to the left, then to the right.

Epcot was still standing there, smiling patiently.

"You're... you're st-still here?" Rainbow stammered, curling up in the corner of Zecora's hut. She looked up at the roof of her cloud home, then down at the Banner Guild apron clinging to her person. Swallowing a heavy lump, she murmured the Chaperone's way. "How come you're the one thing that's not changing?"

Epcot shrugged, squatting down to sit across from Rainbow inside Trixie's shack.

"You... you were my closest friend during my time in Cider Space." Rainbow's eyes darted back and forth as she sweated bullets. "Maybe... like... part of the real Epcot rubbed off and... stayed in my head." She looked up, lips quivering. "Is that you?"

Epcot only smiled wider, warm, proud.

Rainbow panted and panted. "Can... can you help me back to... back to where I belong?" She clenched her teeth. "If... if I can still think, then that's gotta mean the venom hasn't killed me. There's... there's still t-time to come back from all of this, right?"

Epcot didn't answer. She simply held a hoof out.

Nervously, Rainbow Dash reached out to grab it. Several spiders poured out of the night's sky and crawled all over Rainbow's leg, but she grunted and fought through them—finally making contact with the Chaperone's grip.

Epcot lifted Rainbow to her hooves. Then, gently, she trotted forward, leading the mare down rippling caverns of kaleidoscopic delirium.

Rainbow shuffled after her, shivering, body hunched over like a frightened little filly tailing her mother. She kept close as the wails of forgotten nightmares grew closer and closer.

Gauntlet

"Pffft! Nice going, Rainbow Crash!"

"Sleeping during the lesson again, Rainbow Crash?!"

"Awwww... what's the matter? You going to cry?!"

Rainbow Dash heaved and hyperventilated. She kept one hoof gripped around Epcot's while she gawked left and right at the images and visions rippling frenetically past her. The Chaperone was leading her slowly—one oozing hoofstep after another—down the ambiant corridor, but it felt as though they were breaking the speed of light on more than one occasion.

It still didn't stop Rainbow from devouring glimpses and sensations with nauseating detail.

"Look at her!" a colt stuck his tongue out while the lengths of Cloudsdale spun in the distance. "Small and scrawny! Just like her old stallion!"

"Hah! Yeah! I bet the only reason the teacher made her team Captain is cuz her dad's about to croak!"

"Hey Rainbow Crash! What are you gonna earn for a cutie mark?! One of them vomit pales they hoof out at the hospital?!"

"Why you snot nosed little—" Rainbow flew towards them, snarling—only to be yanked back by Epcot's strong grip. She flailed at the end of her tether, her voice taking on a foalish squeak: "I could fly circles around you from here 'til sundown! In fact... I..." She panted and grimaced. "I... did fly circles around those little turd biscuits..." She turned around, mane billowing in the wind. "Celestia on a bike, where are you taking me?"

"But... but..." A teenage pegasus orbited around her, eyes watering as she wilted away from her best friend. "Fluttershy, I don't understand. I... you... Don't.... don't you like me?"

"Ah jeez..." Rainbow covered her face with her free hoof, instantly seething. "Gotta turn this crud into a gauntlet, huh?!"

"So are you going to tell me now, dweeb?" cooed a strangely gentle voice. Rainbow peeked over her hoof to see a petite pegasus curled in the feathery embrace of a griffon twice her size. A morning sunrise glistened across the edges of Cloudsdale. "Just what do you like best about flying?"

"Promise not to tell anyone, G?"

"Pffft. As if."

The mare buried her face in Gilda's down feathers. "I know it sounds lame... but... but when you got the wind in your eyes, nopony cares if you're crying or not..."

Rainbow's muzzle moved in time with Gilda's beak: "'But when you finally stop flying, what's gonna be your excuse then, Dash?'" And she turned her cheek sharply to the right.

WHACK! Even Rainbow felt the sting through the years. She looked away from the pegasus flying across the apartment room floor, landing in a crumpled, heaving mess. The shadow that loomed consumed the two of them.

"You're not so tough, Dash! Don't kid yourself! Without me, you're nothing but a sham! And where will you be without me to pick you back up, huh?! Yeah, go ahead and cry, ya lame wimp! I'm done cleaning after your filth!"

"I left that filth..." Rainbow shook her head, seething. "I left it all behind... with you." She gazed up and outward, angry eyes brimming with tears. "I crammed it inside you, ya big junkheap! That's what you wanted in the end! Admit it!"

"Sugarcube..." The warm drawl rolled across Rainbow's ears, tickling them.

The pegasus gasped inwardly. She dangled behind Epcot, her pupils shrunken to ruby specks. "No... no... please..." She ran a hoof over her grimacing muzzle. "...I'll shatter. A million buckin' pieces, I swear..."

"Don't you sweat, sugarcube..."

Rainbow whimpered. She turned. She looked back, hyperventilating.

Emerald green eyes reflected her frozen howl. Slowly, the mare turned around, walking back towards the farmhouse. The sun bent the shadows of the orchards, stretching the fertile landscape between where she trotted and a loose envelope lying discarded in the grass.

"No..." Rainbow shook, shivered. "No, please... don't go. Don't walk away. Turn around... please..."

Applejack was a distant pinprick of light by this point.

"You have to see it! Don't let this happen again—you have to read it!" Epcot dragged her further and further. The mare shook, struggled, tears streaming as she screamed into the ether: "Turn around!!!"

Applejack slammed the door shut. The resulting wind blew the letter into tattered white fragments, like stardust. White hospital sheets tangled with dead limbs and tearstains.

"Celestia damn it, Applejack!" Rainbow wailed, heaving. "I love y—"

Epcot opened a door at the end, and the two plunged through it, surrounded in darkness.

A Game of Mirrors

"A weighty choice is yours to make, the right selection or a big mistake. If a wrong choice you choose to pursue, the foundations of home will crumble without you..."

"Mrmmfff... guh..." Rainbow Dash whimpered, nuzzling her forelimbs while sweat rolled down her neck. "I don't..." She gulped hard. "Don't remember that one..."

"Shhhhh... are you back now, Sparky?"

"Epcot?" Rainbow forced her eyes open. She squinted across a dark, dark domain. "Epcot... wh-where are we?"

"Pffft! 'Epcot?!' You would confuse me with that bubbly abstract freeloader?"

"Huh?" Rainbow shuddered.

A pair of tiny stone talons placed a ruby jewel in her hooves. The Wind Chalice stone lit up, illuminating Lancie's granite grin in an eerie red light. "And here I thought we had gotten so close..."

"Lancie..." Rainbow shuddered. She sat up, wincing from her aching head. A puddle of vomit lingered on the floor beside her, and she still tasted bile in the back of her throat. "Mrmmmff... how... how long was I...?"

"Long enough for our neighboring queen and her young ones to trample on past us," Lancie said. "Though I wouldn't suggest we pitch a tent here. She's bound to be on the prowl."

Rainbow looked back at her leg, shining some light on it. The wound was still laced with dried blood, but most of the green venom was gone.

"I'm actually surprised that your fever dream ended as swiftly as it did," Lancie said. "That wasn't a mosquito that grazed you." Lancie craned his neck. "Feeling any better on the inside?"

"I... I don't know..." Rainbow winced, rubbing her jaw. "My chin still hurts."

"Oh? From what?"

"From where Listing... Listing..." She shuddered, ears drooping. "Nevermind."

"I did a bit of scurrying around while you were under," Lancie said. "I think I found a path that leads out from here."

"A... path..."

"Now, I'm not promising an exit, but with an eight-legged prima donna hungry for pony flesh, I think it's the next best thing."

"Right..."

"If you just follow me, Sparky, I'll get us out."

"Just... get us out..." Rainbow squinted down at him.

"What?" He rubbed his scalp, blinking. "Am I chipped somewhere?"

"How do I even know any of this is real?" She gulped. "Or that this didn't happen a long... long time ago and I'm just now remembering it in pieces?"

"What... does that even mean?"

"A statue that talks..." Rainbow exhaled in sharp gunbursts. She scoured the ceiling with twitching eyes. "Giant spiders. Apple Bloom and a magic snake." She ran a shaking hoof through her mane. "My life can't be this crazy. Nopony's life can be this crazy."

"The spider must have bit you harder than I thought. Hallucinations are one thing, Sparky, but complete delusional rewrites of reality?"

"I just... j-just need to get back to Ponyville," Rainbow murmured. "Yeah. Twilight needs me." She stumbled about. "The whole gang needs me—"

"And what of Applejack?"

Rainbow froze, her pupils shrinking. Something skittered past her, then hid itself deep in the wall. She looked down at Lancie, then slowly shook her head. "I... shouldn't be the mare that loves her. I can't be." She sniffled. "It's crazy... just too crazy..."

"And would you be any more awesome if you weren't?"

Rainbow gnawed on her teeth, trembling.

"Sparky..." Lancie scurried up to a stalacmite so that they were eye level. "You're here for a reason. If you can't get your head clear, then open your earholes, listen to my breath... and pretend it's the breath of... of a d-dear friend." His stone eyes hardened even further. "Follow me. Let me get you out of here. Let me show you the way."

"Show... me the way..." Rainbow Dash shuddered, running a hoof over her face. "...caves... tunnels..."

"That's right."

She gnashed her teeth, quivering where she sat. "Twists... and turns..." She fought the bile down her throat. "...are his master plan."

Lancie's limbs went slack. He leaned his head back, fanged mouth agape. "Where... did you hear that...?"

"Nnnngh... so... so tired..." She whimpered. "Apple Bloom..."

"Just..." Lancie motioned along, slithering ahead of her. "Just follow along, Sparky. We need to move... you always need to be moving."

"Right..." Rainbow nodded, glancing briefly behind her as she shuffled after the living effigy. The walls shook and quivered, and eyes peered out through the darkness. "...always need to be moving..."

When In Doubt, Fury Spec It

Rainbow Dash shuffled forward, slipped on water-slick rock, and fell—nearly impaling herself on a jutting stalagmite.

Lancie rushed in and propped himself against the floor, holding Rainbow's body up like a living jack. "Mmmfnngh... b-better lay off the cider, girl...!"

Rainbow shuddered, staring listlessly ahead. "Just hold her hoof. Move forward." She gulped. "Don't stop for nothing..."

"Eh, who am I kidding?" Lancie steadied Rainbow's hooves, then scurried ahead, motioning for her to follow him. "You're lighter than the feathers clinging to you. When we're through with this, and you've saved Princess Frecklestasia's little brat from the brink, promise me you'll have a feast on fruit to end all feasts."

"Lancie... where...?" Rainbow teetered slightly, then proceeded ahead with shuddering hoofsteps. "Where are we going...?"

"An exit! I think... Look, you were down for quite a while," he muttered, hopping over rock crags and ascending a jagged slope. "But I found a place where the air is moving out. And where there's airflow..."

"It didn't hurt all that much, really," Rainbow Dash rambled, ears twitching as she struggled to ascend the slope. "I... I think I wanted them to hurt... but the stinging was all inside."

"Mrmmmfff..." Lancie reached down, using his scrawny stone talons to pull Rainbow up by her fetlocks. "Okay, for once, you've thrown me for a loop. What are we even talking about?"

"Listing's hooves," Rainbow muttered. "I've been hit by worse since," she muttered, wincing slightly. She stared past walls and walls of rock, glistening from her ruby stone. "I didn't cry then... but only because I didn't feel like crying."

"Surely, Sparky, you have it within you to speak of something else."

"Gilda was hurt, because of me," Rainbow muttered. "And it hurts to know that she feels hurt. But even now..." Her head slowly shook. "I can't even cry. Why would I want to?"

"What... exactly did you see when you were conked out, my little pony?"

"Everything..." Rainbow's jaws tensed as her pupils shrank. "Nothing. All I am. All I'll ever make of myself."

"Now, don't say that!" Lancie ascended a cliff and watched as Rainbow climbed awkwardly over it. "You've a pony who will have pierced the griffon's Wind Barricade!" He bore a crooked smile. "That's something to be proud of, r-right?"

"The Wonderbolts, Lancie," Rainbow droned, heaving as she pulled herself over the cliff. "Lead... wingpony... nnngh... flying ace of Equestria, known the world-over..." She stood on wobbly limbs, leaning against a wall. "That's what I could have been by now. If only..."

"If only what?"

Rainbow stared at a fissure in the wall. A series of hairy fangs shot out and impaled her throat. "Gaaaugh!" She stumbled backwards, clutching her neck. As the fog cleared in her vision, she stood—hyperventilating—staring at a barren wall.

Lancie glanced at it, then back at her. "Have all the juices quite cleared...?"

"I... feel..." Rainbow panted and panted, staring at the wall and sweating. "...clouded..." She gulped. "Yet lucid..." Her eyelids hung heavily. "Never felt so awake... yet sleepy..." She deflated slowly towards the cave's floor.

"Nope. Uh uh." Lancie rushed over and lifted her rump before it could fall. "Stay. With. Me. Grnngh!" He forced her upright. "The moment you go out, girl, then you could become spider food! Real spider food!"

"You know, in Cider Space..." Rainbow Dash murmured aloud, teetering as she trotted forward. "...I went through death's door."

"Uh huh..." Lancie scurried after her like a little serpent.

"And I faced my ultimate fears... and ultimate joys..." Her eyes teared slightly. "...but I'm still me." She leaned against a stalacmite, grimacing. "Still alone..."

"And still alive," Lancie growled, rushing ahead. "Which means you appreciate the notion of a second chance!" A pale light glistened off his antlers, and he smiled. "Speaking of which..." He turned and pointed at a pale slit ahead of them. "Viola! Don't ever say that I led you astray, Sparky!"

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash slowly turned around.

Lancie craned his neck. "...Sparky?"

Just then, the cave shook. Black limbs shredded through the darkness, and a big bulbous body emerged from below. "SKREE-EE-EE!" The Matriarch returned, its pedipalps wriggling in the air.

"Ah jeez, the fat mare certainly is holding her soprano voice in!" Lancie sneered, rushing up towards the light source. "Move your tail, Sparky! There's no way in Tartarus that Charlotte here could fit through the—"

Swoooosh! A blue blur surged past him.

Lancie did a double-take. "...Sparky?"

"HRAAA-AAA-AAAAAUGHHH!" Rainbow Dash surged straight towards the giant beast, her eyes flaring.

The spider jolted, its brain not having calculated the sudden charge. It leaned back, swinging both pedipalps.

WHAM! Rainbow Dash plowed through them and landed a vicious drop-kick in the center of the giant spider's face. Sp-Splat! One of its eyes exploded in black goo.

"SH-SH-SHREEEEE!" The monster reeled back, swinging two of its front legs.

WH-WHAP! The impact sent Rainbow flying towards the side. She slammed against a stalagmite, knocking loose the jagged tip off its foundation. She was barely grounded for three seconds before hopping up, dodging another leg-swipe, and grabbing the rock shard from the ground like a spear. "Rggghhh—!" She flapped her wings, dodged two more leg swings, galloped up a wall, bounced off, and came sailing down at the beast. "HAAAAAAAAUGH!"

The spider tried lunging forward, only to be pummeled viciously in the face by the stone club. It backed up, then grabbed at Rainbow with its pedipalps. The feelers clasped onto the edge of the improvised weapon in Rainbow's grasp.

The pegasus' swift solution was to let go of the shard completely, spin around, and buck her end of it with two rear legs. WHUDDD!

The sharp end was forced violently into the spider's maw. Its fangs spread wide while it's vertical mouth gurgled on blood and maggoty flesh strips.

FWOOOSH! Rainbow Dash flew forward, shoving the impaling shard deeper and deeper. "You don't scare me," she hissed, eyes twitching as she applied more and more pressure. "I've faced worse monsters than you! Slept with them!" She spat. "And I'm too friggin' in love to die to some goddess-forsaken trash heap!" With that shouted, she snapped off her end of the shard, spun around, and threw it mercilessly against the spider's limbs.

SNAP! Two legs broke savagely, and the matriarch slumped to its side, letting loose a pained moan. It spat the bloodied half of the shard out and backed up, shivering all over, its remaining legs bending inward as it cowered away from the mare.

"Aaa-aaa-aaaaugh!" Rainbow shouted, hovering above the wounded cretin. "Now scram and never eat any pony or griffon ever again!"

"Skree-eee! Shree-ee-ee!" With whimpering decibels, the beast made itself scarce, dragging blood and silk strands back into the dark heart of the mountain.

Rainbow Dash panted... panted... then fell. She slumped against a wall of rock, clenching her eyes shut.

Dumbstruck, Lancie finally scurried over to her side. He perched on a rock, resting a tiny talon against her fetlock. "So... uh... where was your 'Goddess mode' back in griffon steroid town?"

"Not now, Lancie," she squeaked, gulping, gathering her composure. "Heart... throbbing..."

"Probably the best, smartest thing you could have done." He smirked. "Getting that blood to flow—adrenalized and such? Bet it's flushing the leftover venom out as we speak."

"Hrmmmm..." Rainbow gulped, opening her weak eyes and staring ahead. "Just glad to get the... get that out of the..."

Silence.

Lancie craned his neck. "Get what? The spiderses out of the way? If so, I whole-heartedly agree."

"... ... ..." Rainbow stared straight ahead.

Applejack stared back, leaning casually against a wall of rock. "Nice job, sugarcube." She tilted her hat back and smirked. "What else are ya gonna murder before this whole shindig is done? My lil' sister, I bet."

"Sparky?" Lancie leaned in. "What is it?"

Rainbow's nostrils flared. "Nothing." She trotted past Applejack, making for the exit. "I'm fine. Let's go."

Rainbow Dash: The Awesome Knight

"It's somewhere high above us!" Lancie exclaimed, hopping and perching from jutting rock crag to another. The two emerged from the deep caves, only to enter an enormous cavern flooded with jagged structures rising from the floorbed. High up, about forty-five degrees at a glance, a slender slit of light broke through the ceiling, exposing the chamber to cold air. "Bet you've been itching to take wing, eh, Sparky? Well now's your chance! Let's blow this spidersicle stand!"

Rainbow Dash didn't immediately reply. She shuffled forward, wandering past the jutting, blinding rocks as if they were enormous gravestones.

"Did ya hear me, Sparky? I'm sure you wanna ditch this place at least half as much as I do!"

Rainbow sighed, shuffling forward. As she passed another chunk of rock formations, she heard a voice drawling to her right.

"What's the point in flyin' now? You done took enough of yer sweet time in them there caves."

Rainbow scuffled to a stop. Emotionlessly, she glanced aside.

Applejack leaned against a cluster of rocks, tilting the brim of her hat back. "You know who can't afford to do gladiator combat with a giant spider?" Applejack smiled bitterly. "My lil' sister." Her green eyes glinted. "Or didja forget about her, sugarcube?"

Rainbow's nostrils flared.

"Sparky...?"

The mare proceeded forward, shuffling over boulders and overturned chunks of granite. As she climbed gradually towards the glowing destination, she passed the farm mare again. This time, Applejack strolled casually between the rocks as if they were apple orchards.

"You coulda just... y'know... told us that you had a magical gabbin' statue for a friend." Applejack's freckles glinted in the morning light. "We'd all have followed ya out here! The whole gang! Imagine if we had Twilight on our side!" Applejack chuckled. "You wouldn't have wasted all that time tryin' to negotiate with the griffons and my sister wouldn't be dead!" she snarled, kicking a cluster of rocks.

Rainbow shuddered, gnashing her teeth.

"Uhm..."

Rainbow looked ahead.

Lancie perched on a cluster of rocks, staring down at her. "I know you're a fuzzy blue horse and all, but... dare I ask... why the long face?"

"Nothing," Rainbow grumbled. "I'm fine," she grumbled again, climbing past him.

"Oh! Well... uh... that's good to know!" Lancie caught onto her tail and scurried up her backside. "Because you really went all tiger-blood on that giant spider back there. Who knew you had it in you? I mean... eheh... I suppose I knew you had it in you, but I figured you had all of your juices switched to 'emo mode' and not 'badflank mode.' Who knew you could stance dance so wonderfully?! Heh... live and learn."

As Rainbow climbed, a mare appeared to her left, shuffling along in even pace. "He talks a bit too much, ya reckon?" Applejack smiled suggestively. "How do ya even know he's on yer side? You can't trust him like you can yer friends. You dun lurve him like you do yer friends... like you do me..."

Rainbow bit her lip, shuffling forward.

Applejack trotted closer, whispering. "He led you in here, didn't he, sugarcube? Deep down with the spiders and all the misery?"

Rainbow hung off the edge of a rock, wincing, catching her breath.

Applejack's eyes hung beneath the shadow of her hat. "Ya really think he'll do what it takes to save Apple Bloom? He's leadin' ya into the lion's den! I'd say... once you get to Aatxe... just hoof 'em over... get the magical dragon 'Big Boss' to perform the necessary magic spell with them shards he's got. Then you'd be rid of both of 'em... and my Apple Bloom will be right as rain."

Rainbow clenched her eyes shut.

"And then... you and me..." Applejack's tongue teased the edges of Rainbow's ears. "...can finally be together."

Rainbow winced. She tried looking to her other side, but an angry face full of angrier freckles snarled into her vision.

"Or are ya just a dayum coward, Rainbow Crash?!"

Rainbow's hooves slipped on rocks and pebbles.

"Whoah there, Sparky!" Lancie hopped up to the next boulder and held his limbs down. "Maybe you need a little boost!"

"Mrmmffnngh..." Rainbow snarled, flapping her wings for leverage. "I'm fine."

"But—"

"I said I got it!" She ascended the boulder and brushed roughly past him.

Lancie reeled, almost slipping and falling onto the sloped cavern floor behind them. "Yeesh..." He dusted himself off, then loosely tailed the pegasus. "Somewhere—I bet—beyond a magic mirror of sorts, there's a bipedal doppelganger of you that's having her time of the month..."

"Meh. Whatever." Rainbow grumbled, shuffling forward. "Let's just go already."

Lancie squinted curiously at her... but kept following.

Me, Myself, and Ah

At last, the cave opened up, and a pegasus pony gazed upon the landscape west of the griffon wind barricade for the first time in millennia.

Rather anticlimactically, it took a good half-minute for the mare's eyes to adjust. When they did, she saw a wide open plain of arid stone and sporadic tundra. Then, breath by breath, she took note of several large structures in the distance—jutting up like granite columns from the otherwise level horizon.

Rainbow panted and panted, climbing up until she stood evenly on the outer lip of the cave's mouth. The sun felt brighter than normal overhead. Then again, that could very well have been the result of having spent the last several hours deep in the belly of an abandoned mountain plateau.

She flapped her wings, levitating upwards with Lancie perched on her backside. Staring up and looking behind her, Rainbow discovered that the western face of the barricade was sloped at a gentle thirty-degrees. It rose skyward, where it jutted sharply towards the upper troposphere—ending in a series of thick clouds brimming with lightning.

"Ah, I see," Lancie said, smirking. "The point of no return." He looked west. "Well, at least it's sunshine and rainbows from here on out. No pun intended."

"Right," Rainbow muttered, wings flapping. She pulled her feathers into a swift glide, cruising west through chilly jets of air. "Tell me. Are you still sensing the shards off in the distance?"

"Good thing you're a pegasus," Lancie mused. "Maybe with a bit of muscle, you could carve up a cloud canoe and boogey-board your way back into the griffon side of things—"

"Do you sense the shards or don't you?!" Rainbow snarled.

Lancie rattled. "Yes! Yes! Fine... yeesh!" He pointed slightly southwest with a stone talon. "Out about thattaways."

"How far?"

"What am I, a Global Positioning Statue?" He shrugged. "Just keep flying and I'll let you know if my horns itch!"

Rainbow sighed, sailing straight ahead in the gusty air. "What I wouldn't give for a spyglass right about now—"

THUDDD! A gigantic scaled foot slammed into the ground ahead of her, followed by a hulking mass of muscle.

"Gaaaaah!" Rainbow jerked aside, pulling her airborne body into a sharp swerve. "What the fuzz—?!"

A ginormous array of razor-teethed reptillian heads swung through the air, biting and gnashing. Rainbow found herself dodging and weaving through a veritable forest of hydra necks. She emerged on the other side with barely inches to spare.

"Whoah-ho-hoooo!" Lancie laughed, clinging to Rainbow's tail. He looked back with bright stone eyes. "Somepony get the license plate off that monster?"

"Lancie, now's not the time for—" WHAM! She flew straight into a mountain of fur. "Guh! What—?" She looked up, eyes widening.

A giant beast loomed in front of her. It resembeled a gorilla, only with a single cycloptic eye and enormous ram-horns extending from either side of its skull. The beast reared its head, shrieked, and beat its chest multiple times with gnarled fists.

"Okay..." Rainbow Dash raised her hooves, gnashing her teeth. "Get ready to poke it in the weak spot—"

"Simmer down, soldier!" Lancie barked.

"Huh?!"

"I don't think it's trying to charge you!"

Indeed, Rainbow watched as the beast tore past the two of them, scooped up a chunk of earth, and flung the boulder at the hydra's torso. The resulting thunder ripped clumps of grass out of the ground by their roots. Once the shockwave subsided, the hydra struggled to stand upright, only for the one-eyed beast to leap on its backside and begin ripping and tearing at its necks. Several reptillian heads jerked back, biting and nipping at the creature's horns.

Rainbow and Lancie flew over towards a chunk of rock sticking out of the ground. They hid in the shadow, catching their breaths, peering out as the two collosal beasts fought neck and neck and neck and—

"I don't see why they had to erect a barricade eons ago!" Lancie turned towards Rainbow with a smile. "Who wouldn't pay to have this happen in their backyard?"

Rainbow merely frowned.

"Is he always this sassy?"

Rainbow looked over her shoulder.

Applejack reclined beside her, chewing on a haystalk and smiling. "He's made out of stone. What would it hurt to snap his neck off with a crowbar?"

"... ... ..." Rainbow spread her wings. "Let's move on out before they notice us."

"Eh, good point." Lancie yawned. "This is a lousy seat for the fight anyways."

"C'mon, sugarcube!" Applejack chuckled, galloping to catch up with the mare. "Not like he could feel it?"

"Shut up," Rainbow grumbled.

"Huh?" Lancie did a double-take. "But I didn't say anything."

Fwooosh! Rainbow soared skyward, a little more quickly than usual, which nearly threw Lancie off balance.

Down below, Applejack stood up tall, cupping two hooves over her muzzle: "You could put his head away when yer not needin' it, is all!"

Rainbow clenched her eyes shut, shuddered, then threw herself blindly into the western desolation.

Manifest Dashtiny

When Rainbow Dash flew west of Appleloosa, she thought she understood what "vast" meant. She was horribly wrong.

Beyond the Griffons' wind barricade, the world was completely devoid of sentient life. There were no roads, no fences, no boundaries of any kind. If the soil had only been a bit thicker, then Rainbow would undoubtedly have encountered no end of wooly grassland and unchecked forests. Instead, she found dirt patches and rocky valleys stretching as far as the eye could see. Sporadic tundra would occasionally blotch the landscape, but even then the vegetation was meager and shriveled at best.

And yet, in a world devoid of ponies and filled with vacant spaces, Rainbow Dash got the rather unsettling feeling that this place once harbored civilization.

This was made apparent by the random assortment of tall, jutting mountains. Only—they weren't mountains so much as they were gigantic boulders. There were no natural foundations to the structures. If anything, they looked as if they had been carved out of some continental body so ancient and forgotten that the original source had long-been worn to dust by time and decay. All that was left were these unsettlingly huge monoliths, and as Rainbow Dash glided closer to them, she could see the faint remnants of carvings... etchings... and the faint traces of murals. What they depicted—however—the mare was at a loss to tell. The designs were so old that the runes were practically indecipherable—assuming she even had the ability to ascertain their meaning if they were fully legible to begin with.

And yet, these gigantic multi-story anomalies were a welcome respite, for the majority of Rainbow Dash's flight was... not so much spent in flying as it was in hiding.

These deathscapes were vast, but they were not necessarily empty. Gigantic montrosities roamed the earth, hulking beasts that nearly dwarfed the structures themselves in their immensity. Rainbow Dash recognized a few of the beasts: hydras, manticores, and land serpents. Several other creatures—however—she only tangentially recognized from legend, lore, and no small amount of bedtime foalstories. Once or twice she flew high over what she suspected to be basilisks in tight, herding numbers. The fact that they could withstand pure daylight was a testament to just how far the pegasus had flown out of the good celestial graces of Equestria. The griffons' barricade was truly an alternative to Tartarusian imprisonment. Out there, no magic spell existed that could turn the beasts to stone from exposure to the sun. This meant that Rainbow Dash simply couldn't rest easy just anyplace—at least not within reach of the various beasts and their jaws.

Some creatures Rainbow Dash simply had no way of recognizing. She observed beasts with elongated necks that trotted on four heavy limbs—thick as cedar trunks. Others shuffled about on two legs, resembling enormous birds with half of their body weight collected in immense, looming jaws that could easily gobble a grown stallion whole. She spotted beasts with horns, armored plates, and countless spines glinting in the sunlight. Some simply grazed on the sparse grass, which suggested a docile contentment, until she eventually spotted the beasts sparring over territorial control. When this happened, the air practically thundered from their whipping tails, and Rainbow flew faster and further west before her eardrums could pop.

And yet, as the day passed over, and the sun bled into the gray horizon behind her, Lancie kept pointing onwards to their inevitable destination. It left Rainbow flabbergasted that Aatxe and his lair was situated so far beyond the reaches of sane civilization. Even a prison for forsaken monsters wasn't an obstacle to the Big Boss, and Rainbow Dash could only imagine what sort of power he possessed to allow his own broodlings to fly over the Griffons' barricade unchecked.

"Perhaps it's a means of teleportation?" Lancie remarked. "Dragons are quite magical, after all, when they put their hearts and minds to it."

"The only magical dragon I know is Spike," Rainbow hollered into the darkening winds. "And these creeps have nothing to do with him!"

"Are you sure of that?" Lancie smirked. "For all we know, the little guy could be an inside agent working for Aatxe!"

"Mrmffff..." Rainbow grumbled.

"Well? Is it possible or isn't it?!"

"How long has it been?" Rainbow thought aloud. "Two days? Two and a half? I swear, if Apple Bloom has croaked by the time I get back..."

Lancie sighed. "You know, some ponies derail a conversation, and then there's you—who enjoys planting sticks of dynamite beneath the tracks."

"Trust me, Lancie. There's absolutely nothing I enjoy about this whole cruddy situation."

"Cruddy?!" Lancie grinned wide. "Look around you, Sparky! This place is full of discovery! Mystery! Terrible lizards!"

"Yeah, well, it'd better be full of open plateaus where I can touch down and recuperate," the mare said. "Because this trip is going on for a lot longer than I hoped and I'm already running short of potions."

"Well, at least you're admitting that some rest will do you good." Lancie clung to her side, smiling into the wind. "I'd say that's pretty healthy!"

Silently, Rainbow Dash glanced down as she passed over another megastructure. An orange figure sat on the very top, waving her brown hat with a dark smile.

"... ... ...on second thought," Rainbow's voice cracked as she looked ahead. "I think I can go for a little while longer."

Lancie sighed. "Spoken like a true fossil."

"Huh?"

"Oh! Nothing!" He gestured. "By all means. Go west, young mare."

Much Ado About Lancie

Rainbow Dash poured a muzzle-ful of potion down her gullet. Swallowing hard, she shuddered from the bitter aftertaste. A few breaths later, she closed the lid with a rattling sound and screwed it on tight.

"Perhaps a bit of food is in order?" Lancie spoke.

Rainbow's eyes squinted across the way.

A flickering campfire rested between them, crackling and spitting tiny ashes into the dark air. The two were perched on the top of a granite megastructure. A canvas of stars stretched around them on all sides, and the dark air echoed with sporadic shrieks and banshee cries. The world was deathly alive with unsightly things, and this was the safest spot the pegasus could find after a full day of flying.

"I'm sure if I looked hard enough, I could spear something on this rock with less than four legs." He did a double-take. "Oh, right. Pony. No likey likey meat. My bad."

"Mrmmmf..." Rainbow Dash sighed, curling up under a blanket. She stared out at the western horizon as her vision grew blurry and blurrier.

"Reckon he's a real gabber."

She blinked, then glanced over to the side.

Applejack sat a few inches away, looking completely visible in the dead thick of night. "Y'all know just where this Aatxe fella is by now." She shrugged, a glint to her smiling teeth. "Why not just toss this dead weight? You'd fly faster without 'em!"

Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth.

"Of course... if you tried it..." Lancie smirked. "...you didn't have to tell anypony. You could start small, feasting on lizards and mice. I doubt even whatshername—your childhood sweetheart—Shutterfly would mind."

Applejack's brow furrowed. "Ya think my sister could afford ya bein' sagged down by his lonesome hide any longer?"

Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. "Uhm... Lancie...?"

"Hmmm?" The statue looked across the crackling haze of the fire. "What is it, Sparky?"

"Could you..." Rainbow gulped, her eyes growing misty again. "...could you just... I dunno..."

"Gonna spit it out or will I have to squeeze it out of you?"

"...could you talk about stuff?"

The statue blinked. "Like what kind of stuff?"

"And since when did ya put the ramblin' nonsense of puny lawn ornaments above the mare of yer dreams?" Applejack hissed.

Rainbow winced, then broke a tender smile. "Anything, really. Just anything..."

Lancie cocked his head to the side. Gradually, he nodded. "Well... alright then." He cracked his stone talons and scuffled closer to the fire. "Did I ever tell you about the one time I got this bald friend of mine to reevaulate his own life after his mechanical heart exploded?"

"Uhhh... no."

"Let me see if I can remember it..." Lancie murmured, tapping his stone goatee in thought. "...it's a bit foggy." He arched an eyebrow in her direction. "And not because it is a complete and utter fabrication of my own wild imagination."

Rainbow shuddered. As she focused on his face in the firelight, the other mare on the plateau faded away.

"It's okay," Rainbow murmured, stifling a yawn. The traces of a smile lingered on her muzzle. "I don't care if it's made up... just... ramble away."

"... ... ..." Lancie smirked. "As you wish, champ..." He leaned back. "So, there I was, sporting a pretty happenin' silk black robe."

"Uh huh..."

"When my old friend shouts at me, claiming that his other self that I showed him in a vision lacked ambition and inspiration and—above all else—hair..."

Freckles In the Dark, One Drawl Circles

Rainbow Dash shuddered. Her eyes clenched shut under a fresh sheen of sweat.

"Mrmmfnngh..."

Her tail flicked, and a wave of cold winds brushed over her mane and coat.

Shivering, the mare turned over on the bare rock.

"Hmmfff..."

Her front hooves kicked blindly at nothing, then reached out.

At last, she scooped up something soft and pillowy. Without thinking, the mare hugged the item to her chest.

A tiny squeak came out, and Rainbow felt something warm and wet against her chest.

"Mmmfff...?" Her eyes squeaked open.

Apple Bloom's dead face nuzzled up against her chest. Blood dribbled out her nose, staining Rainbow's coat.

"Aaaahh!" Rainbow shrieked, instantly flapping her wings. She took off from the ground, hovering, spinning in a circle.

"Whoah! Hello!" Lancie hopped up from where his stone figure had curled up under the starlight. He looked across the plateau's bleak space. "What's the matter now?"

Rainbow panted and panted.

Where Apple Bloom's bloody corpse had been, there was now a series of dull rocks—loosely shaped like a crumpled foal's body. A series of orange hooves shuffled up from the shadows, and a pair of angry eyes glared up at Rainbow.

"Didja think that I would forget? Not all of us are such dumbflanks, sugarcube... if ya even deserve bein' called that!"

Rainbow Dash gnashed her teeth and planted two hooves over her ears.

Applejack's voice came in loud and clear: "The whole trip was plum worthless to begin with, Rainbow Dash! If ya really loved me..." She trotted beneath Rainbow's shadow in the starlight, looking up and frowning. "...you woulda stayed back in Ponyville! By my side! Just like my friends did!"

Rainbow seethed and seethed, shaking her head.

"Just like Stu Leaves did!"

"Rrrrrggghhh!" Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and glided off, frowning into the darkness.

"Sparky? Yooohooo?!" Lancie waved frantically, then scampered over rocks and shoals, trying to keep up with her. "Where you off to?! You can't fly now! You're leaving behind your potion... your saddlebag... your magically talking chunk of handsome stone! Hey! Get back here, blast it!"

"Oh, what, are ya gonna listen to him now?!" Applejack barked, somehow always at an even pace with Rainbow no matter how swiftly she flapped her wings. "What's he ever done for you that I haven't?! Has he defended yer honor when everypony else rightly rolled their eyes at what a massive jerkbad ya are?! Has he forgiven ya for yer pranks and insults and selfish disappearin' acts?!"

Rainbow clenched her skull, shaking her head and hyperventilating.

The next drawling breath was somehow at muzzle level:

"Have ya ever had dirty, sweaty dreams about him?"

"Rrrrgh—shut up! Shut up just shut up!" Rainbow bucked and thrashed at the air.

Lancie watched from below, gawking. "Uhhhh... Sparky?" Loud shrieks echoed in the distance. The statue spun around, grimacing slightly. "This... isn't exactly the best place to make a lot of noise." He cleared his throat. "Big thundering nasties, remember?"

Rainbow spun towards him, panting.

Applejack stood above the statue, making a "slitting" motion with her hoof. "In yer sleep. He'll do it, too! Trust me, darlin'."

Rainbow clenched her teeth. "Only..." She huffed, puffed, shuddered. "...you're not you..."

Lancie cocked his head to the side. "Eh...?" He glanced all around, then pointed at himself. "You talking to me?

"I am everythang you could never be... could never have..." Applejack's eyes flared like emerald torches. "You don't deserve friends. You don't even deserve fake friends."

"You are not you!" Rainbow hollered. "You aren't—" She jerked in place, eyes welling up with tears. "... why do you have to be so awesome, anyways, huh?!"

"Uhhh... Sparky—?"

Thud! Rainbow landed on all fours in front of Lancie, but she was peering over him. "Who died and made you the best dang thing to ever happen in Ponyville ever?! Huh?!" Rainbow snarled. "The real Applejack wasn't raised by no scrubs! She'd never treat me like crud!"

"But that's what you want, isn't it?" Applejack grinned lustfully, slinking back into the darkness. "A real mud-draggin' earth pony to treat ya like the worm ya are..."

"Sparky... Rainbow Dash..." Lancie tapped her fetlock. "I... uh... I don't think all of the venom got rinsed out of you like you said it did—"

"Rrrrgh!" Rainbow shrugged him off, marching forward as she spat at the orange mare. "Get out of here! Scram! Don't make me pull the horseshoes off, ya creep!"

"Oooooh... such big words, Rainbow Crash! As if you could ever be this made towards me..." Applejack held her hat over chest, batting her eyelashes. "Me... the mare you want to be yer saucy marefriend and yer lovin' Momma all in one."

Rainbow Dash panted, eyes wide as a cold sweat ran over her.

"Awwwww... want somepony to tuck ya in bed? Sing lullabyes to ya? Pamper ya? Make yer worthless rainbow-branded butt feel all special and warm and loved?" Applejack's nostrils flared. "What hogwash." She plopped her hat back on her head and receded into the darkness. "Face it, yer Poppa got off lucky, dyin' the way he did..."

"Shut up..." Rainbow whimpered, teeth clenched.

"Heheheh... if he saw ya today... and that yer ten times lamer than he ever was?" Applejack guffawed, disappearing beyond the veil of night. "...he'd have done to himself what yer Ma shoulda done before she even foaled ya—"

"I said shut up!!!" Rainbow flew forward, shrieking.

"Whoah—" Lancie reached for her.

But it was too late. Rainbow flew off the side of the megastructure. It was only when her body started plummeting that she gasped, flailing in a world devoid of starlight. The mare flapped her wings, flipped around, then ricocheted off the plateau's edge.

"Ooof!"

She bounced, rolled, then flung her hooves up. The mare's fetlocks caught craggy rock and pebbles, and the friction slowed her down until she dangled pendulously from the face of the stone formation.

"Mmmmff... grnnghh..." Rainbow hissed and panted, aching all over. She coughed up dust and rock sediment, finally letting loose a pathetic groan. "Unnnngh... I friggin' hate spiders..."

"You okay down there, Sparky?!"

"Mmffff... yeah... yeah..."

"Then fly up already!" A tiny gray shape stood out against the starlight over the summit above. "Come up here so I could smack you!"

"Just... just a second..." Rainbow wheezed, her body aching. "I'm... I'm not doing so g-good..."

"Well you should have told me, you idiotoramus!" Lancie snarled. "My skin's forming fresh cracks and fissures—and it's all because of you!"

"Just... just gimme a moment to..." Rainbow gulped and clenched her eyes shut. "To..."

Just then, a loud banshee shriek warbled across the skies.

Rainbow's ruby eyes flew wide open. She tilted her head up. "... ... ...tell me you heard that too."

"I'm afraid so, Sparky. Told you that all of this mad raving was going to attract somet—" Lancie froze in mid speech. He tilted his stone chin up, gazing up at a patch of starlight that was blotted about above them both. "Huh. Well, this is gonna leave a mark."

SWOOOOOOOSH! Something immense swooped down on leathery wings and snatched Lancie up in a long, sharp beak. With a muffled yelp, the beast flew up and into the nebulous night sky.

Rainbow gasped wide. "Lancie...!!!"

Episode Fifteen Of Lancie Quest

"Hrnnngh... grmffff... gswwwddd!"

Rainbow Dash thrashed, scuffled, struggled, but eventually yanked herself up and onto even ground. Panting, she galloped forward with a limp, shoved her way through a laughing orange figure, then threw herself at the campsite. Hooves flying, she fished through her saddlebags, fumbled, then finally grasped the enchanted griffon ruby. The thing instantly pulsed with crimson light, fueling her wings with a burst of wind.

SHOOOOM!

Rainbow flew skyward. A cone of air distorted the starlight directly ahead of her. The pegasus pivoted about, twirled, and craned her neck. She listened for the sound of beating wings. As soon as her ear hairs were tickled, she spun to the left and flapped her feathers. Claps of thunder echoed behind her, and she soared northwest, her thin-eyed gaze settling on a leathery figure ahead of her.

The beast didn't even have time to look back. Rainbow mounted its back, bucking the thing's headcrest with all her might.

"Let. Him. GO!" She barked.

The creature responded with an angry shriek. It dropped the statue from its mouth, only to catch him in its meaty claws.

"Watch it, Sparky!" Lancie's voice echoed between the walls of whipping winds. "You've just thrown yourself into rabid pigeon space!"

"Lancie, would you just—" Rainbow yelped at the sight of razor sharp teeth.

The beast had spun around completely to face her. Its beak stabbed and rammed the air between them.

Rainbow jerked to the left, to the right, then bicycle kicked with a flash of her ruby stone. "RAAAAUGH!"

WHAP! Her hooves slammed across the beak of the beast. The monster let loose an annoyed shriek, flapped its wings, then dove down.

"Oh no you don't—!" SWISSSSH! Rainbow Dash hurled her body down after the beast. She caught up with it in no time, but such wasn't anything to boast about. The pegasus still found herself outmatched in size and strength. Nevertheless, with the aid of the Wind Chalice stone, she nimbly spun around until she mounted the beast's backside. Then, gripping the thing's neck with one hoof, she slammed her other limbs into the thing's spine repeatedly. "Rrrrgh! Drop him! Drop him right now—"

"Do be careful what you ask for—Whoah!" Lancie's voice distorted amidst the whistling air.

With a banshee cry, the beast jerked its skull back, trying multiple times to stab Rainbow's neck with its headcrest.

Rainbow hugged the monster from behind. "Okay, you wanna dive?! Let's dive!" She spread her wings, then flapped them.

Ruby light trailed behind them. Rainbow's enchanted propulsion threw the two of them into a maddening spiral. The monster barely found the strength to pull up, and once it did it narrowily escaped slamming into the face of a stone megastructure by mere inches. Frictious air burned between the beast's belly and the craggy surface of the plateau whizzing by. Rainbow took advantage of this, mercilessly shoving the creature's skull against the mountain side until its savage beak scraped and produced sparks.

Scrkkkkkkkkk!

At last, the struggle was too much for the monster to bear... and it let go of its cargo.

"Awwwwwww great...!" Lancie's voice became a distant whimper. "...now look what you've done..."

"Lancie! Hold on—" WHAM! A hooked wingjoint smacked Rainbow across the chin. "Ooomf!" Grimacing, she let go of the ruby stone entirely and fell off the beast's back.

The monster went shrieking off into the night, and the enchanted griffon artifact vanished entirely in the dark haze of night.

"Dang it!" Rainbow's voice cracked as she spun, toppeled in the air. The stars streaked, vanished, and streaked again. She heard the distant yelps of Lancie echoing against the mountain face. "Don't worry!" Rainbow hyperventilated, shivered. Angling her wings, she followed the tug of gravity and sailed straight down into the big black everything. "I got you!"

Something rattled from a distance. Maybe it was drawling laughter. Maybe it was the sound of stones shattering.

Rainbow hurled herself towards it all the same.

"Please..." Rainbow hissed, eyes tearing. "...I got you."

Live and Let Lancie

The wind was piercing at this point.

It knifed at Rainbow's eyes, tearing her sockets to the bleeding point.

She gnashed her teeth, daring to squint down into the impenetrable darkness, hoping to see a sliver of substance against the fog of night.

"Lancie...!" she hollered, hoping her voice would sail faster than her own body.

All was silence, save for a howling cold.

Rainbow dropped and dropped.

"Lancie!!!" Louder this time, practically exploding.

And then—

A glint. Like a burst of sparks from the bosom of the world. Rainbow saw a pair of gray eyes blinking—a dull sheen against the ever widening nothing. Then, just as quickly, the figure toppeled, and a sea of gravel and stone loomed directly beneath his fragile body.

"Sparky, I think—ohhhhh that's not good—!"

"Httt!" Rainbow clenched her jaws tight, angled her wings like scimitars, and corkscrewed past the pull of gravity. The air behind her clapped, and she carved downward in a frictious arc. Before she could blink, she was scooping Lancie up in outstretched hooves. A fraction of a second later, she angled her wings, pulling up—stretching the tendons of her muscles until every nerve screamed. And soon, she was too. "Aaaaa-aaa-aaauugh!"

The fuzz of her chest curled from the sheer heat of skimming the earth. A few palpitating seconds later, she finally struck gravel.

"Ooomf!"

She bounced, struck it again, then tumbled. Her body rolled and rolled more times than she could count. All the while—though—she clutched her legs to her chest, and protected the fragile statue nestled neatly within.

"Grnngh—augh! Unnff!"

Finally, at long last, Rainbow Dash skidded to a stop alongside a cluster of large boulders. Soft starlight filtered between them in a band, christening the pegasus' forehead with silver shine. She sat up, shivering, not once letting go of the figure in her grasp.

"Yeeesh! Sparky!" Lancie wheezed, sticking his muzzle out so he could have the space to utter: "Wonderful swan dive, but could you maybe score more than a three point five on the landing?" He shook his head. "The Caneighdians could do better!"

Rainbow shook, shuddered.

"Wait... wait..." Lancie glanced around at the dark expanse surrounding them. "What the...?" He gnashed his teeth. "You lost the griffons' ruby? Hoooo boy... you're gonna hate yourself in the morning—"

"I don't care..." Rainbow squeaked. "I don't care about no stinkin' ruby, okay?"

"But—"

"I don't care!" she snarled, but it was a very brief thing. A wilted foal dripped out the other end. "I need you."

Lancie blinked into the starscape. His stone gullet closed up. "Sparky..."

"I n-need you," she whimpered again, burying her moist eyes against his stone mane. "I need you to save Apple Bloom. I need you to save Applejack." She shook. "I need you to save me..."

He glanced awkwardly at her, his granite ears folding back. "I always could... y'know..."

Rainbow shook and shuddered.

The statue shrugged. "All you ever needed to do was to wish for—"

"Just shut up, stupid," she stammered, sniffling. "We both know what I wish."

"Yes..." Lancie nodded. With a sigh, he eventually reached out and patted the edges of her shoulder. "Yes, I suppose we do."

The two remained there, huddled in the shadow of stars, alone in a beastly world.

==Part Twenty: Draconian==

==Part Twenty: Draconian==

Now...

Dawnlight spread in a pale sheen across arid stone and sparse tundra. One by one, the sporadic granite monoliths situated across the wasteland were illuminated. At last, the shadow covering a pegasus and her little stone friend lifted, and the two could be seen huddling under the penumbra of a waking morning's glow.

A spyglass reflected the two of them from afar. On the opposite end, a glaring hawkeye blinked. Slowly, Romulus lowered the looking-glass. His feathers were a ruffled, mottled mess, and several scrapes covered his feline half. After several weary breaths, he turned and whistled over his shoulder.

Grunting in pain, a yellow pegasus hobbled over, her front right hoof hung in a sling. Sunset Shimmer squinted past the hill of gravel where the two hid. She shuddered slightly at the sight of the two targets, her body too exhausted to properly express relief.

"Seems she's gathered her senses," Romulus spoke in an icy tone. "You'd better set up your magic crud here. It's now or never, pony."

"Don't need to tell me twice." Sunset Shimmer reached into her saddlebag, floating loose six long shards of glowing violet crystals. She started shoving them into the pliable gravel, one after another. At long last, once they were all embedded in a tight circle, she shot a beam of magic into the structures. Several beams of red energy criss-crossed between the array, glowing brighter and brighter with a metallic ringing sounde.

"This had better damn well work," Romulus snarled. "Or else we're stuck out here alone."

"Will you get off my back?!" Sunset growled, her jaw hardening. "I know what I'm doing." Then, with a deep breath of concentration, she fired a bright red beam at the circle, igniting it with flames.

Earlier...

"What in Tartarus' name is she doing now?!" Sunset Shimmer hissed under the shroud of night.

"Shhhh!" Romulus stared up at the floating beam of ruby light in the sky. He struggled to keep up with the erratic sweeping motions of the Griffon's Wind Stone with his one good eye peering through a spyglass. "She seems to be battling something. One of the beasts out here, I assume."

"That mare is absolutely crazy!" Sunset Shimmer hissed, leaning on her good hoof while the other dangled. "One moment, she's shouting to the stars, and the next moment she's tackling one of the monsters out here for no good reason—"

"Wait!" Romulus barked, crouching lower behind the hill of gravel where they hid. "She dropped the stone!"

"She dropped it?!" Sunset gaped. "How in the hay does she plan on getting back, now?!"

"Actually, this is perfect," Romulus said, his scarred face smirking slightly behind his beak. "It means—in a worse case scenario—we can strand the stupid pegasus out here."

"Strand her?"

"Provided your spell works like you say it will."

"Are you still on that?!"

"Shhh..."

"What's she doing now?"

"Hrmmmfff..." Romulus stared through the spyglass again. "I can't see. But I can hear her. The pathetic wuss is sobbing her head off."

"Ungh..." Sunset Shimmer shook her head. "Can't we just put her out of her misery?"

"All in due time."

"You keep saying that, and yet—!"

"It was true then, and it's true now!" Romulus hissed. "We can't make a move right now even if we wanted to. We need backup." He took a long, deep breath. "Besides, I made an agreement with our mutual source of income..."

"He's not paying enough for this."

"I thought that revenge would be enough for you."

"Yeah—and after what we've been through?!" Sunset pointed at her sling. "I just want to be done with this whole mess!"

Earlier than that...

"Ow ow ow ow!" Sunset Shimmer hissed through clenched teeth, slapping the griffon's shoulder with her hoof. "Do you gotta tie it so tight?!"

"Quit your whining," Romulus grumbled, wrapping Sunset's foreleg in a sling. "You're worse than our target."

"Don't even—nnngh—pretend. That pony is stark-raving mad." Sunset frowned, glaring out the mouth of the cave facing the western wasteland. "At least I'm still in control of my head."

"You're clearly not in control of your eyes," Romulus grumbled. "I can't afford to haul your useless flank the rest of the way."

"Just you worry about tracking that crazy maniac!" Sunset barked, leaning back and flexing her pained leg in the fresh sling. "Even with half of her faculties, she flies like a Celestia-damn bullet."

"Are you good to cast magic spells?"

"Uhhhh... yeah?"

"Good." Romulus' beak nostrils flared. "Because your crystal array is the only reason I'm keeping you alive."

"Nice to know I'm appreciated." Sunset's ear twitched to the sound of distant, echoing shriekes. "... ... ....what in blazes is that?"

"Any manner of collossal beasts," Romulus droned. "Out here, the landscape runs rampant with monstrosities sealed away by my ancient forbearers for thousands of years." He cracked the joints in his neck. "We need to be cautious in our pursuit of the target."

"Heh..." Sunset smiled bitterly, trotting towards the cave entrance as she followed the griffon. "...could have told me that hours ago."

"SHREEE-EEE-EEE-EEE!"

The arachnid matriarch clawed and clambored its way across the narrow cavern.

"Move! Move!" Sunset Shimmer's voice cracked as she galloped madly, trying to avoid a veritable sea of hatchlings searching after her. "Ohhhhh ick ick ick ick!"

"Dammit, calm down!" Romulus grunted, flying backwards behind her. He swung his daggers in a swish-swish-swish-swishing motion, ripping the pulpous bodies of the smaller spiders to shreds. "Just find us a place where we can hide and—"

"Hide?!?!" Sunset Shimmer wheezed. "Do you not see what's after us?!"

"They're not after us! Look!" He pointed across the way with a talon.

The large matriarch pursued a blue darting figure, its fangs lunging.

"She'll draw its attention!" Romulus exclaimed. "So long as we remain quieter than—"

"Aaaaaugh!" Sunset plunged suddenly. Thud!

Romulus fought off another wave of creepy-crawlies, then spun—sweating. "...the hell happened?!"

"Unnngh..." Sunset Shimmer moaned from a deep, slimy pit.

"Goddess almighty..." Romulus snarled, perching on the lip of the enclosure. "Did you fall?"

"Unngh!" Sunset winced, dangling a forelimb. "I... I-I think I sprained something!"

"Great." Romulus rolled his one good eye. He dove out of sight of the shrieking matriarch and crawled over to the unicorn. "Just what I need." He lifted the mare off her hooves.

"Aaaaugh!" Sunset yelped. "Not so fast—"

"Suck it up," Romulus hissed. "You made it through the Spindel. Don't go croaking on me now, ya stupid horse."

"She's moving!" Sunset exclaimed.

"Are you certain?" Romulus asked, staring down the long narrow trench.

"I can sense the movement of the stone in her possession!" Sunset said. "She and that little chatterbox of a golem are jumping down some enormous pit!"

"But are you certain?!" Romulus grunted. "Because if you're wrong—"

Sunset rolled her eyes. "Oh, for Celestia's sake!" She grabbed the griffon and teleported—FLASH!

The two materialized at the lip of an enormous vertical drop. Romulus gasped, flapping his wings. Sunset hung off his lower limbs.

"Dammit, mare!" Romulus grunted. "What's the meaning of—?"

Just then, a howling wind exploded above, occupying all corners of Spindel's Narrow.

The griffon looked up, sweating. "Buck me..."

"You see now?!" Sunset Shimmer grunted, struggling to keep ahold of the griffon's leg, dangling. "If we had stayed up there, we'd become the tunnel's new upholstery!"

"But... this doesn't make any sense!" Romulus whispered, glaring down at the tiny dot of ruby light growing even tinier beneath them. "Why the sudden drop? Where does she even think she's going?"

"Does it matter?" Sunset wheezed, starting to slip. "Uhm... Romulus—?"

"Yeah yeah." He tossed her—flailing—then caught her shoulders neatly with his lower limbs. "Stay quiet. Stay still." He began a slow descent. "And... above all... don't ever call me by my name again."

Sunset gulped, staring at the distant ruby glow below. "Right..."

"What are we waiting for?!" Romulus snarled.

"Just watch..." Sunset craned her neck, staring at the thin niche set in the wall of the enormous earthen barricade stretching north and south. She and Romulus perched on a ledge much closer to the summit. Howling winds whistled above them, tickling their ears. "Hmmm... looks like her friend is removing something from the Chalice."

"What?" Romulus did a double-take. "She's tearing the Chalice apart?"

Sunset smirked. "And here I thought you didn't give a crap about your culture's history."

"I... don't..." Romulus's feathers ruffled. "I just don't understand. How does she intend to enter Spindel's Narrow?"

"Ah... of course..." Sunset Shimmer smirked. "The jewels! The rubies set inside the goblet?"

"What about them?"

"They're what's enchanted about the artifact," Sunset explained. "Just one of them should let Rainbow Dash through the tunnel, no problem."

"And her conniving friend can just return the rest of the Chalice back to Fibb and the idiot will be none the wiser."

"Exactly."

"Hrmmmm..." Romulus leaned back, folding his arms beneath his wings. "Funny."

"What is?"

"All this time, I thought that Rainbow Dash was a formidable mercenary to have gotten so many shards under our noses." He frowned. "Now... I see she's just a lucky imbecile."

"Well, now it's our chance to be lucky." Sunset pointed. "As soon as Rainbow makes physical contact with that stone, her body leylines will activate it. The wind barreling through Spindel's Narrow should stop just long enough to let her enter and spelunk through the barrier. We need to rush in and take advantage of that same lull in the wind."

"Then we have a tough journey ahead," Romulus said. "It'd be difficult enough without having to hide from a pegasus shuffling ahead of us."

"Just how long will we be having to trot through caves?" Sunset asked.

"Who knows. Hours? Days?" Romulus glared at the ledge beneath them. "Keep a close eye on the target. If she dies at the fangs of whatever's inside that mountain—which she probably will—we'll have to scramble for the enchanted stone."

"Got it."

"You say that now, but..."

"I don't get it..." Sunset Shimmer perched on a stone plateau, staring out at several tall crystalline structures. "Why'd she stop?"

"These last damn shards are a lot further out than we anticipated," Romulus explained, squinting through his spyglass. He stared out at a long barricade of stone and wind that occupied the entire horizon. "Aatxe must have his headquarter situated out in the monstrous wasteland." He lowered the spyglass with a sigh. "That would explain things."

"So, we're stranded out here?" Sunset Shimmer paced in an axious circle. "I mean... if Rainbow Dash can't fly out any further, than what hope do we have?! Blast it!" She stomped a hoof. "We should have jumped the mare in Appleloosa! Ponyville, even! This whole trip was for nothing, and now Don Canter is going to have our throats—"

"Calm down, horse," Romulus grunted. "This pegasus has eluded us before, and now we're about to witness just how clever she really is."

"How so...?"

"My kind—the griffons—we built this barricade ages ago. There's an artifact in our possession, housed in one of the many spires here, and it's the one thing that can allow passage beyond the wall and into the Wasteland."

"And... you think Rainbow Dash is going to try to get this... thing?"

"I'm willing to bet on it." Romulus flapped his wings. "Prepare to teleport. We gotta mix in with the general populace... find out where she's going and when, or else we'll never make it beyond the barricade."

"You know, you're putting an awful lot of faith in this moron."

"It was my mistake for not doing so before," Romulus grunted. "I can't afford to underestimate this crazed mare again."

"There she goes," Romulus said, crouched behind a wagon in Appleloosa as he stared up at the blue figure darting past the western hilltops. "Just over the mountains. It's like I said."

"Well I'll be..." Sunset stood beside him. "Now that is a mare on a mission."

"It's a good thing we didn't ambush her in Ponyville," the griffon added. "I know our boss wants her guts, but we'd have no hope of finding the other shards otherwise."

"I'll set up the array," Sunset said, reaching into her saddlebag. "The others will want in on this."

"No." Romulus gripped her hoof, turning to glare. "Not yet."

"But—we know where she's headed now—"

"All we have is an inclination," Romulus said. "There are countless desolate landscapes beyond those mountains. We have to tail her a bit longer. If we summon Don Canter's crew too early, then we risk burdening the entire group with an unnecessary slog through desert nothingness."

Sunset's nostrils flared. She grumbled and batted his talons away. "Okay... fine." She crossed her forelimbs with a pout. "Then just what do you propose?"

"She wants to get close to Aatxe?" Romulus stared at the mountaintops again, his one good eye narrowing. "We get in closer."

"An array?" Don Canter muttered out the side of his muzzle, chewing on a cigar.

Sunset nodded, standing across from him in the dark, hazy barn. "Twelve crystalline focus shards." She pointed at two sets of six violet stones, long and jagged. "Half of them, I'll leave here, strongly enchanted with a teleportation spell. And the rest..." She looked at Romulus. "...the mercenary and I will carry with us out west as we tail the target."

"The one pattern about all of the shards this 'Rainbow Dash' has retrieved is that each new sample is situated further and further from our local operations," Romulus explained. "If Aatxe has all the ones that are remaining, then it's best to assume that they are far... far away."

"I don't have the resources to send my forces out over long distances," Don Canter grunted.

"Right!" Top Dog snarled, gripping his spear. "And there are no canine colonies out beyond the Equestrian reaches!"

"Just how far west are we talking about?" asked Flam.

"We don't know. Which is the whole point," Sunset remarked, pointing at the shards. "We'll carry these shards with us. Once we feel that Rainbow has reached her destination—"

"—or has exhausted herself to the point that she's outlived her usefulness to us," Romulus interjected.

"Right..." Sunset cleared her throat. "I'll set up an array with the six pieces that I'm carrying, enchant them, and then perform a transportation spell."

"And just what do you plan on transporting?" Flim asked.

"Anyone you want to send," Sunset said, staring at Don Canter. "Anypony you feel is strong enough, agile enough, and crazy enough to take on Aatxe and steal the shards for your organization."

"You really expect us to crawl inside your crazy pony transportation fart machine and let it take us wherever?!" Top Dog cackled while his fellow hounds howled. "You're crazier than this Rainbow Dash!"

The group broke into loud, uproarious protest. In the corner, a glowing eye spun and swirled in its jar.

"Yes..." Romulus nodded. "It could be dangerous. Stupid and risky, even. But the reason I didn't pounce on the mare and rip out her organs earlier is because she's leading us to the prize... the prize that we all hold a rightful claim to. And..." He gestured at the fat, suited stallion surrounded by henchstallions. "By the good grace of Don Canter and his bit bag..." He glared at the rest. "The glory and power we all seek is within reach."

"What's more..." Sunset Shimmer spoke louder. "...anypony wanting their opportunity to have revenge on this pathetic rainbow-headed freak can now do so. This is your chance, and we're giving it to you."

The barn hung in silence.

"I don't embark on contracts unless I know that they're feasible," Romulus said. His one-eyed gaze fell on Don Canter. "So... what do you say?"

The stallion swiveled his cigar to the far corner of his mouth, blew smoke... ... ... and smiled.

Right now...

"This had better damn well work," Romulus snarled. "Or else we're stuck out here alone."

"Will you get off my back?!" Sunset growled, aiming her horn at the array of crystals forming a tight circle inside the Wasteland. "I know what I'm doing." Then, with a deep breath of concentration, she fired a bright red beam.

FLASSSH!

A crimson portal opened up, levitating just above the array like a pillar of fire.

Within minutes, several figures marched out—all armed to the teeth. Top Dog emerged with over two dozen canines carrying spears and polearms. Flim and Flam shuffled into view, dragging a cart full of several devious-looking devices and explosives. At last, a veritable company of suited stallions came trotting through, carrying bludgeons, daggers, boomsticks, and a swirling basilisk eye in a jar.

The group squinted curiously at the desolate landscape around them, and one or two gasped at the sight of a flying beast in the distance.

"Gentlecolts..."

They all looked Romulus' way.

The griffon stood tall and proud, his good eye piercing each and every one of them.

"Who here is ready to bag us a pegasus...?"

Part Twenty: Draconian
(In Which Everything Gloriously Hits the Fan)

Blood Hungry

"Romulus, you damned bird!" a suited stallion gnashed his teeth. "Is this some kind of a joke?!"

"Believe me." Romulus' good eye glinted as he stood with his front talons crossed. "I did not trek all the way through a dark cave full of spiders to tell a joke."

"You call this tracking a petite pegasus?!" The thug retorted. "You've teleported us into the middle of nowhere!" He stomped his hoof, then turned back towards the portal. "Come on, boys. Let's go back and tell the Don that he's been led on another wild goose chase."

"Hold your hooves, ya stupid ponies!" Top Dog barked. He sniffed at the air, sniffed again, then said: "These scents are all very strange to me, and there's no wind from the east."

"What in Tartarus' name is that supposed to mean, you crazy mutt?!"

"Can't you tell?!" Top Dog's grizzled brow furrowed. "We are no longer in Equestrian territory." He slapped his staff against the gravel. "Even this earth is stale. Untainted by living paws." He slowly shook his head. "No, the only intelligent beasts who stalk this land do so from the air."

"You mean..." Flim's eyes narrowed. "Like dragons?"

"The pegasus is nearing the lair of Aatxe," Sunset Shimmer said. "And when she gets there, we'll stage an ambush, seizing all of the shards that are left."

"And when you're done..." Flam cocked his head aside, squinting suspiciously. "...you'll teleport us back to the Don, right?"

"Yes. Of course." Sunset rolled her eyes. "And then we'll divy up the chaotic power amongst ourselves. It's like we've discussed!"

"We know what we've discussed," one thug grumbled, marching forward and adjusting his tie. "But how do you even know that this... Rainbow Dash is nearing her destination? For all we know, you've just stranded us out in the middle of nowhere!"

"So long as Sunset Sorceror here is in possession of the crystals, then no one is stranded," Romulus said.

"But—"

"Have some damn faith in us, you sniveling whiner!" Romulus spat, making the mobsters jolt. "Goddess above! The only reason I work with you imbeciles is because your boss pays so well!"

"He's going to want an update," another thug said. "What should we tell him once we've sent one of our members back?"

"Tell him that we're all tailing the pegasus now," Romulus said. "And the moment she spots a dragon—and they spot her—we'll make our first move. Those shards are as good as his."

"I... think he's going to want a bit more specifics than that."

"He'll get more, I promise you." Romulus' eye glinted. "He'll get a drop of her blood." He raised a talon, hissing to the group. "We'll all get to make the pegasus pay!"

The criminals and henchstallions collectively cheered. Squidgy spun around in his jar, flickering with bright emerald fury.

"I have a question, griffon." Top Dog shuffled up, followed by a pair of his canine cronies. "Who gets to collect the head?"

"Screw the head," Sunset Shimmer spat. "I want her heart!" She smiled wickedly. "I intend to put a transmogrification spell on it... drop it in on her friends while they're having a tea party... make them watch as the last piece of Rainbow Dash flitters away into moths!"

"Patience... patience!" Romulus smarled, raising a talon. "We will all get her blood in due time. But first... the shards."

"You're certain she's still intent on grabbing them herself?" Flam asked.

"Absolutely." Romulus turned about, peeking to look over the hill of gravel at their distant target. "After all... she's got a talking piece of the pie to keep her pathetic flank company..."

Morning Sickness

Somewhere...

Amidst a splotch of sunlit gravel...

Several specks of ruby-colored dust lay in a shattered circle.

Hooves crunched and crunched across the forsaken sediment.

The shadow of a petite pegasus drew over the scene.

A blue hoof reached out, needlessly pawing at the flaky remains of the ruby griffon stone.

Rainbow Dash stared, eyes thin and dull.

Her nostrils flared from the weight of a dense sigh.

Lancie slowly stepped up behind her, rubbing his chin in thought.

"Is it completely smashed?" he asked.

The pony slowly nodded. With a gulp, Rainbow muttered, "I dropped it harder than a DJ-P0N3 track."

"Very well then." Lancie swung his arms behind him. "I'll pretend that I even remotely understand that."

"Mrmmfff..." Rainbow grunted out the side of her muzzle. "So kill me for trying to summon a scraggily sense of humor."

"Bonus points on the whimsy," Lancie said with a slight smirk. He snapped a talon. "A two out of ten on delivery."

"Meh." Rainbow sighed, plopping down on her haunches. "I blew it, Lancie. Our one and only ticket both in and out of this Celestia-forsaken spit trough of a continent."

"Mmmmmm... not necessarily." He took a few bold steps forward, crunching through the gravel on tiny stone feet. "Assuming we get my shards from Big Boss—and I do mean all of my shards... then I should have more than enough power to whisk us away from this charming lost world."

"And save Apple Bloom, right?" Rainbow retorted with the hint of a growl.

"But of course, Sparky!" Lancie smirked, coming to a stop behind her. He folded his stone arms. "That's precisely what I meant to imply."

"Because... if it comes down to it..." Rainbow Dash gulped. "I'd totally prefer that you would—"

"Yes yes..." Lancie rolled his gray eyes. "It's never about you. Everypony knows that the great and awesome Rainbow Dash would gladly waste away in a far-off land, rather than allow a certain marefriend's baby sister to die. Only... eheh... nopony truly knows, am I right?"

Rainbow clenched her teeth. Her tail flicked once, then hung in silence.

Lancie stared at her, blinking. He swallowed and spoke in a low tone: "Rainbow Dash... just how long were you seeing her."

"... ... ...who, Applejack?"

"Correctomundo."

Rainbow sighed, shuddering slightly. "Ever since the cave..."

"With Charlotte?"

"The big friggin' spider. Yeah." Rainbow gulped. "I... I don't think all of that venom gunk wore off."

"And what was she doing, exactly?" Lancie craned his neck. "Aside from exotic fan-dances right up in your muzzle?"

Rainbow grimaced. "It's not—!" She clenched her eyes shut, sighing. "It's not like that. I... almost wish it was."

"No doubt."

Rainbow was silent.

"Do... you see her now?"

Slowly, hesitantly, Rainbow Dash opened her eyes.

An orange face full of freckles stared back at her, smiling.

Rainbow tilted back, her teeth gnashing. She forced her head to turn towards Lancie. "What... if I had no response to that...?"

Lancie face-palmed with a sigh. "Sparky, I know I may not exactly be cuddle material, but if you 'neeeeeed meeeeee' so badly, then perhaps it would be most beneficial that you told me about these sorts of things."

"I... guess I didn't see the use."

"The use in what?" Lancie cackled, waving his stone arms. "In letting me know that your better judgment was being wrecked by a grotesque doppelganger of your one true love?"

"Lancie..." Rainbow glared down at the statue. "Y'know... there was a time when I wasn't entirely sure if you were real."

Lancie grinned. "Wanna bet if the jury's still out on that?"

"Unnnngh!" Rainbow rolled her eyes and folded her forelimbs. "Don't friggin' do that, dude! I am so not in the mood!"

"I'd say smash him to bits, sugarcube," Applejack said, rubbing up against the pegasus like a big fuzzy kitten. "He'd be plum easy to hide in this here gravel."

Rainbow bit her lip.

"Hmmm?" Lancie caught the expression. "Lemme guess. Now she's professing her undying apple love to you."

"No, actually, she's suggesting I break you into tiny pebbles and hide you amongst the gravel."

"Hah! Now that would be a mare with good taste!"

"I'm being serious."

Lancie froze in place, blinking. "Oh." He blinked harder. "Huh."

"She tells me that kind of stuff a lot," Rainbow muttered. "Oddly enough, this is a little less creative..."

"Well, then..." Lancie took a few steps aside. "Maybe that... means that the effect is wearing off."

Rainbow's eyes darted up, watching as Applejack mimicked a noose around Lancie's neck. "Uhhhh... not as much as you'd hope."

"Well, we could stand around here and wait for you to get saner," Lancie said, oblivious of the apple spectre lingering behind him. "But you're not the only pony who's been venomized, aren't you?"

Rainbow sighed. "Dun need to remind me twice."

"Ah, go on and take another one of yer endless naps, sugarcube," Applejack said with a glinting smirk. "Come to think of it, Apple Bloom would be a lot easier to rock to sleep when she's dead."

Rainbow huffed and puffed. "Yeah." She trotted over to where her saddlebag lay and strung the thing swiftly over her flanks. "Let's move. Now."

"Anything I can do, Sparky?" Lancie asked, following after her.

"Yeah." She scooped the little statue up and placed him in one of her satchels. "Don't. Stop. Talking."

"Excelsior!" Lancie pumped his arm while Rainbow Dash took off, abandoning an orange equine figure on the surface. "Something I'm relatively expert at!"

"Meh... don't get a big head, it'll snap right off."

"And then Applejack could put it in a basket, right?"

"Oh hush!"

Cloud Talk

Rainbow Dash's flight over the wasteland was a considerably slower venture without the aid of the griffon ruby. Nevertheless, she persisted in her westward glide, keeping lofty enough to avoid the occasional monstrosity below.

And there were more than a few of them. Large reptilian beasts lurched about, some simply grazing for food, others locked in casual combat. There were canyons and ravines where all manner of hideous insectoid abominations mingled—all of which gave Rainbow disturbing flashbacks of her struggle inside Spindel's Narrow.

Every now and then—amidst the curious bestiary—Rainbow would spot a tiny orange figure, standing in obscure places while all the creatures around seemingly ignored the freckled mare.

With a shudder, Rainbow faced ahead, her ears tickled by the wind.

And more: "So I made a game of it!" Lancie said, lying casually in the pouch of her saddlebags. "I'd rearrange the trophies from tallest to smallest, then from roundest to squarest, and then a little bit of both!" He smirked. "Then—if I got really bored—I'd arrange them by greater or less number of words on the plaques!"

"I can't believe you played games with my trophy collection," Rainbow Dash murmured.

"Well, could you blame me?" Lancie shrugged. "While going on adventures with you is nice and fluffy and all, I swear—most of the last few months has been me twiddling my talons back in your sky home. And the only interesting thing about your place—aside from it being a floating cloud house in the sky—is the shiny trophy collection. I promise I didn't spit on any of them... much."

"Mrmmmfff..." Rainbow muttered. "I suppose I should be sorry for leaving you alone to collect dust so much."

"Eh..." Lancie shrugged. "It's no big deal. I mean, I was only a granite statue frozen in place for thousands and thousands of years." He smiled. "Crashing at a bachelorette pegasus' pad for a few months is totally manageable."

"Well, that's good to know." Rainbow drifted left to avoid a jutting monolith of stone. "I guess."

"Though I do have one question," Lancie siad, leaning forward. "Why do you keep half of your trophies locked away in a cabinet?"

"Huh?"

"You've got at least three or four brass cups just hiding in the shadows."

"Oh. Eh..." Rainbow shrugged. "I got most of those at junior flight camp. I was on a hoofball team. Most of them are just consolation prizes."

"I dunno. They looked pretty snazzy to me."

"Look, I'm awesome. I've earned a lot of trophies, okay?" Rainbow's voice cracked. "It's super hard to keep track of all of them."

"Or maybe there's some you'd rather not keep track of?"

"Huh?"

"Cuz I noticed a common trait about the trophies you have hidden." Lancie smirked. "They don't say 'Rainbow Dash' on them."

Rainbow's ears twitched. "Uhhhhh..."

"There's a middle name. A very curious one." Lancie cleared his throat. "Rainbow J—"

"Do not say it!" Rainbow suddenly snarled. "I'm serious! Nobody... and I mean nopony says my middle name!"

"Hahahaha—why not?" Lancie grinned. "I think it's rather colorful."

"It's boring," Rainbow grumbled. "Stuffy."

"Then why haven't you thrown those trophies out completely if you hate it so much?"

"Because..." Rainbow sighed, tail flicking in the wind. "...the fact that it exists means my dad probably gave it to me."

"Your father or your mother?"

"Mmmmfff..." Rainbow shrugged. "Either way, it's one of the few things I still have from them." A few seconds later, she frowned, glaring back at the statue. "But it's only for me to know! Not for other ponies!"

"Alright! Alright!" Lancie nodded. "I promise not to tell other ponies about your hidden name!" He shrugged. "Not like I've inclined to open up conversation with them anyways."

"Yeah..." Rainbow nodded, brow furrowed. "What's up with that?"

"Just figured it would complicate things further."

"Mmmm... you're right."

"Say, how are we doing in Creepy Beastland?"

"You tell me."

Lancie pointed north a bit on the horizon. "Aim yourself to the right. I feel the landscape dipping."

"Me too," Rainbow said. "And I think those far ahead are... forests?"

"Only one way to find out."

"Right." Rainbow flapped her wings harder and glided northwest. "Let's just hope this freaky place doesn't have sentient tree sap."

It Took a Village...?

"Is it just me...?" Lancie leaned forward, staring down past Rainbow Dash's flapping wings. "Or did this landscape get considerably more..." His stone tears drooped. "...boring?"

"'Less freaky,' you mean," Rainbow droned. Her eyes scanned the treetops below. Row after row of dense, bountiful oak trees blanketed the landscape. "If I didn't know better, I'd say I was flying over a little piece of home."

"I rest my case," Lancie muttered.

"Oh hush." Rainbow glanced left and right. "I never would have expected something like this west of the Griffon Barricade. Heck... even the Everfree Forest makes this place look tame by comparision." She tilted her head up, looking further northwest. She saw the forest breaking up slightly, giving way to steep valleys and—beyond that—rolling hills with sporadic vegetation. "It's not so much wild as it is... wooly, I guess."

"Gush over it all you want," Lancie said. "I've learned never to trust any landscape that is... average."

"You'd rather my tail get chased by hungry hungry hydras all day?"

"No, but a modicum of pizazz is certainly nothing to sneeze at," the statue said. "Especially when making a piece of earth look interesting."

"Dude, do you even hear yourself at times?" Rainbow smirked slightly. "You sound as if the world is a place that's built."

"Hmmm. Imagine that."

"Whoah..." Rainbow suddenly braked in mid-air, staring straight down. "No friggin' way."

"What?" Lancie asked, blinking his granite eyes. "Did I strike a nerve?"

"Hardly." Rainbow plunged swiftly. "Hold on."

"Guh!" Lancie struggled to do as he was told, nearly slipping out of the mare's saddlebags. Soon, the pair dropped below the treeline, landing where they were surrounded by leaves and shadow. "Honestly, Sparky, couldn't you have done your business back at the last major stone we passed by?"

"Shhhh... look!" Rainbow pointed ahead.

Lancie craned his neck. "Huh... now that is curious."

Three two-story wooden buildings stood in a circle, accompanied by a barn and several supply sheds.

"Now..." Rainbow Dash slowly paced forward. "...since when did anyone or anything build pony-sized houses in the middle of a forsaken land filled with banished monsters?"

"Well, if that isn't the question of the hour."

"Lancie, I'm serious." Rainbow gestured at the constructions as she came closer. "Have you any clue what this is all about?"

"No, Sparky. I've been gone for an awful long time. And you? Well, you've been dead."

Rainbow did a double-take. "'Dead?'"

"Well, what else do call what you are before you're born?"

"Shhh..." Rainbow snuck closer. Swallowing hard, she tilted her head and called out: "Hello?!?"

Silence. Leaves shifted and tree branches swayed overhead.

"Hello?!? Is there anypo—... anybody there?"

Again, no response.

Upon closer inspection, Rainbow could see overgrown grass and weeds covering the clearing between the buildings. Vines hung out a window where the glass had been shattered countless ages ago. The barn doors were partially crumbled, collapsed within their frames.

"It's worth mentioning," Lancie's quiet voice pierced the still air. "That several millennia is a long time for something... or somethings to take their swing at sentience." He gestured limply at the structures surrounding them. "Maybe someone out here took a page out of the griffons' and ponies' book?"

"Maybe..." Rainbow paced forward, glancing left and right. "...or, perhaps, the griffons erected their Barricade a tad bit too soon."

"Meaning...?"

"Meaning... several eons ago..." Rainbow gulped. "...maybe some unfortunate mares and stallions got stuck on the other side. I could totally imagine them getting by for a few centuries at least... living in the small pockets of this land not stomped over by monsters."

"That's all very fascinating, Sparky," Lancie droned. "But do I have to remind you of a certain sick filly waiting at home while you ramble on and on about theoretical history?"

Rainbow looked over her shoulder. A freckled, orange face stared out of one of the many windows. "No." She frowned. "No you don't."

"Then what's with the sudden tourist trap visit?" Lancie mused. "Shouldn't you be whisking off like a windblown feather to dragonville?"

"Lancie, if there's civilized life out here," Rainbow said, "Then perhaps they might know a thing or two about the dragons, and they could help me figure out the best way to approach Big Boss' lair."

"I'm pretty sure whoever lived here wanted to avoid the dragons."

"Maybe..." Rainbow squinted at the clearing, then spotted a clear path leading due west, lined with partially collapsed fences. "...or maybe they were doing just fine."

"What are you looking at?"

"Answers, I hope." Rainbow took wing and flew along the path. "This shouldn't take too long."

"Sparky, even if you find more structures, what do you hope to find out?"

"Anything," Rainbow said. "Out here, we're on our own, and if I wanna get the shards from Aatxe, then I wanna make sure I can do it the safe way... the smart way."

"Unnnngh..." Lancie slumped back in her saddlebags as she glided along the path. "Oh, how I loathe tutorials..."

Whinnyworld

"Look..." Rainbow Dash pointed, squinting as she followed the culmination of a slightly overgrown path. "Another clearing." She gulped. "This one's a lot bigger."

"Yes. Quite." Lancie stifled a yawn. "Instead of finding three dull buildings, we might find six."

"Dude, could you be slightly less glum?" Rainbow's nostrils flared as she flapped her wings a few more times. "I'm hoping to get answers."

"Out here, Sparky?" Lancie shook his head. "All you're gonna get is dust. Ashes. The detritus of chaos." He smirked. "I rather like it."

"Then why aren't you more excited?"

"Meh. I prefer unpredictability in action."

"But then when you look forward to unpredictability, aren't you predicting it?"

"Oh, and I suppose now you are the super old immortal entity with an expert grasp on all things cockeyed!"

"Shhhhh... knock it off, will ya?" Rainbow touched down in the middle of a clearing. "Look. We're here." She blinked, and the mare's ears drooped as she looked up... and up and up and up. "Whoah..."

"Hmmm?" Lancie craned his neck to see. "Huh. I take that back. This is rather fascinating."

Rainbow squinted, shuffling forward one loose step at a time. She passed the crumpled remains of what must have once been a very tall building—at least seven stories high. At some point, the thing had crumpled over completely, exploding into steel beams and age-old shards of glass. She turned her head, squinting at the nearby tree line. She realized that several of the trees had grown in the bosom of the fallen building, suggesting that the ruins were even older than she previously thought.

The base of the building still stood in place, with the remaining three stories broken at a jagged angle. It occurred to Rainbow that whatever caused the building to topple over wasn't a mere force of nature. As she rounded the far edge of the structure's foundation, she found trenches in the earth overgrown with grass and weeds. They were large enough to match hydra claws.

"I'm sure this is all very interestin'..."

With a jolt, Rainbow looked to her left.

Applejack poked around the fallen remains of a wagon. Her green eye glanced up, glaring. "Almost as interestin' as a dyin' lil' foal."

With a shudder, Rainbow forced herself to look away. "...I didn't say you had to stop talking," she grumbled.

"Huh?" Lancie blinked. "Oh! Uhm..." He fidgeted in her saddlebags. "What do you want me to say, exactly?"

"I don't know. Just think aloud."

"You supposed if stallions wore lipstick it'd be called 'makedown?'"

Rainbow groaned. "No, I mean about this place, ya hood ornament."

"Well I'm sorry!" Lancie wheezed. "My experience with ancient ruins located inexplicably west of a continental divide is limited."

Rainbow let loose a long sigh.

"You have to understand, Sparky, I come from a time when... almost everything was new."

"I think a monster must have shoved this building over. What about you?"

"I'm inclined to agree." Lancie squinted, pointing at further plots along the open clearing. "Furthermore, seems like the same creatures did a number on the other structures that were once here."

"Other... structures...?" Rainbow turned her head to look, then did a double-take. "Whoah..."

Indeed, several more rectangular-shaped foundations loomed on either side of an uneven path. Rainbow realized that they covered just about as much ground area as the building that had fallen over. Where the ground wasn't layered with stone and steel anchors, she saw spurts of grass and wildflowers poking through. The warm air buzzed with insects wafting in from the forest.

"Guess you were right," Rainbow said. "Some buildings were less fortunate than others."

"I think it all goes to prove a point, Sparky."

"Yeah? What's that?"

"No one's lived here for years. Centuries, even." He took a deep breath. "I doubt there's any sentient thing around these parts that can lend you a hoof with Aatxe or any of his draconian doughpushers."

Rainbow sighed. "You're right. I guess I was just hoping for some—" She stumbled on something. "...answers?" She looked down.

Her hoof had stepped into a bed of craggly, brittle rock. Only, upon closer examination, she detected black matter and rubber filament.

"Almost looks like..." Rainbow's muzzle scrunched. "...asphalt."

"Asph-what-now?" Lancie slurred.

"Asphalt. Y'know..." Rainbow looked back at him. "The sort of stuff they build streets out of in Manehattan, Fillydelphia, all the big cities."

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"It means that whoever lived here had some pretty bang-up engineering skills." She looked back at the toppeled building. "For whatever it was worth."

"If that's true, and a civilization got that advanced out here..." Lancie rubbed his granite head. "Just what cooked their goose?"

"See?" Rainbow smirked, trotting back towards the large building. "Now you're thinking aloud in a cool way."

"If you say so." Lancie held on tight. "Where are we going?"

"I just wanna check on something," Rainbow said, poking her head through a shattered open wall of the building's foundation.

"Careful, Sparky," Lancie said. "This place is—like—a factor eleven on the Cruddy Scale. Don't go sticking your head into places that might lop it off."

"I just gotta see if something... anything was living here recently." Rainbow flapped her wings so her hooves would stay safely out of range of any random junk on the floor. "Cuz if the dragons were what finished them off, then we might be facing a lot more than I can chew."

"So long as one of us is doing the nibbling."

Rainbow hovered into the remains of what looked to be a lobby of sorts, or an atrium. It was difficult to tell—for weeds and vines had covered most of the walls and artificial structures inside the room. A thick web of moss hung between the partially intact ceiling and the diagonal slope of the building top that had toppeled over, consuming the eastern half of the first few floors. The floor was a sporadic minefield of sun-faded tile, smattered across a plush bed of grass and crumpled leaves.

"No burn marks," Rainbow muttered. "No vulcanized glass."

"How does a pegasus like you know what 'vulcanized' means?" Lancie hissed.

"Dude. One of my best friends has a dragon whelp for a lab assistant. I know a thing or two about what dragonfire can do."

"Well, do you spell any whelpage around this place?"

"Can't say that I do." Rainbow hovered past a doorframe. "If I didn't know better, I'd say—" Her eyes bulged and her body jerked to a stop. "Hellllo!" She turned towards the side.

"What?" Lancie blinked. "Is Applespectre doing the hoochy-coochy?"

Rainbow Dash touched down right next to a doorframe... that dwarfed her suddenly tiny body. "Since... when did anyone in their right mind build doors that tall?"

"I'm a statue, not an architect."

"For realsies, though." Rainbow gawked up at the tall frame. "You could—like—stack twenty of me on top of one another—belly to back—and still we'd fit through the darn thing."

"Well, whoever built this place was obviously a lot taller than you mother hoofers."

"I know, right?" Rainbow nodded. "That's super weird." She looked to the left, then to the right. "Hang on a second..." She trotted behind a curved structure situated halfway towards the glass-framed entrance. With nimble hooves, she fished around a bed of grass and mulch.

"Watch out for snakes, Missy."

"This part of the building is super dark," Rainbow muttered. "And yet, it's got shelter from rain."

"Point being?"

"Well, lack of moisture and light means very little photosynthesis." Rainbow dug and dug. "So, I'm willing to bet that if there's any junk lying around here, it's probably mostly intact around this spot. Ah-hah!" She pulled out circular metal object in both hooves. "Uhhhhh..."

"And just what—pray tell—is that?"

"I... dunno..." Rainbow blinked, turning the thing over and wincing slightly as a centipede scurried out. "Call me crazy, but, if I didn't know any better... I'd say this resembled a bell."

"A bell?"

"Y'know... like a front service bell?" Rainbow's muzzle scrunched, and she tossed the thing behind her. "I wonder what else is in here..."

"This is all very interesting, Sparky, but..." Lancie cleared his throat. "The shards?"

"Dude, I know I'm used to thinking on my hoof-tips, but there's too much at stake here," Rainbow huffed and puffed while digging. "If I have an opportunity to know what I'm about to dive into, then I gotta seize it. Grnnngh... cuz if there's no coming out of this run-in with Aatxe, then there's no coming home to save... mmmmfff... Apple Bloom!"

With a lasting grunt, Rainbow finally pulled something out of the dirt.

"Ummff!" She fell on her haunches, wincing slightly. "Guh..." Her eyes narrowed, and she did a double-take at what hung in her grasp. "Uhhhhhh..." Her throat gulped audibly. "What...?"

"Hmmmm..." Lancie rubbed his stone chin. "I'm actually intrigued, for once."

Rainbow held an object made out of a flexible, woven material. It felt like canvas to the touch, or a hard burlap—remarkably intact for however old it was. She turned the thing over, and it flopped loosely in several places. In fact, if she pulled each end of the thing out as long as it would go, she could count five fixed points. What's more, it had an enormous hollow at the end—large enough for her to fit her head in.

"... ... ...the buck is this thing?" Rainbow grimaced, ruby eyes sharp and piercing. "Almost... almost looks like an infant's sleeping pajamas, only—like—it's got an extra leg!"

"Uhhh... Sparky?" Lancie held his talon out. His gray eyes darted at his pointed digits, then back towards the article in Rainbow's grip.

Rainbow shuddered, dropping the floppy thing immediately. "Brrbrbbrrr..." She stood up, wings tightly coiled at her side. "...just how friggin' big were the creatures who lived in this place?"

Lancie opened his mouth to respond...

And that's when a loud roar echoed from a distance, rattling each empty window pane of the structure.

Rainbow gasped, spinning around.

Lancie reeled from the movement. Nevertheless, he smirked. "Ahhhhhhh... Now there's a noise I haven't heard in a long time."

The roar pierced the treetops yet again, growing closer. Rainbow could hear the resounding flaps of scaled wings.

"Quick!" Rainbow squeaked, dashing behind the nearest structure and huddling in the dark. "Don't move a muscle!"

Poloneighus is At It Again

Rainbow Dash and Lancie hid in the hovel of the toppeled building's foundation, their ears craned to the air outside. As the minute limped on, the leather flapping of wings grew closer... and closer. Soon, the noise was thunderous in its proximity. After a brief pause, the ground shook from the impact of more than one set of claws.

Rainbow gnashed her teeth. "You've got to be friggin' kidding me..."

"With our luck," Lancie mused, "We probably stumbled upon their squatting grounds."

"Shhhhh!" Rainbow's eyes narrowed. Her ear tickled, for she heard several bass voices reverberating through the shattered framework of the building. It occurred to her that whatever was outside was having a conversation. So, signaling for Lancie to "be quiet," the pegasus boldly crept out from her little niche and crawled to the very edge of the enclosure. She pressed her back to a wall, then craned her neck far enough for her ear to bear witness to the full brunt of booming voices:

"....expect from us! We've searched and searched every inch of the land of morsels! What chances do we even have of finding anything here?!"

"If Big Boss wants us to search the blasted lands as well as the unblasted, then that is his choice."

"And it's a stupid choice, can't you see?! Can't anyone see?!"

Stomping limbs. Claw scrapes. A scaled tail dragged past Rainbow's immediate view, making her shiver.

"Are you questioning the Big Boss' authority, whelp?!

"Yeah? And what of it?! You're no stranger to griping behind his back!"

"I'm older than you. I get to gripe."

"Hah! Makes no difference in the long run! It's still his brood! Don't pretend you're not nearly as frustrated as I am!"

"Rrrrrgh... it is as mother willed. We both know this. And besides, it's not as though Aatxe is leading us to ruin."

The air heated up with a flamed roar.

"Raaaaaaugh! But where's the glory, brother?! All Aatxe has done since he's become Big Boss is lead us on search after search for nothing!"

"Only because we've found nothing!"

"Hah! It pains me to hear how easily you've let him pile guilt on top of you! Just like mother did!"

Razor sharp claws sang through the air. Rainbow and Lancie winced as a loud thud echoed across the building, causing several steel beams to pop loose. The pegasus and the statue flinched, expecting the building to implode on top of them. Thankfully, everything stayed intact... but barely.

"You can question Aatxe's wisdom! But never mother's!" shouted the deeper of the two draconian voices. The air heated, heated, and cooled. "She gave everything for the brood, and if she wishes for Aatxe to be Big Boss, then so be it! Who cares if he's obsessed with a bunch of useless rocks! If finding them makes him happy, then we are doing Mother's will!"

"Hrmmmff... very well, I shall continue searching. But I do this to appease you, brother, not Aatxe. You must know... the other brood members fell the same way."

"Then if they respect me, they will follow my example and resume the search. From now on, no more wasting time. There are countless more acres of the blasted lands to scour."

"Even if we've flown all of these skies already?"

"Mrmmmfff... less complaining, more scanning." Thunderous wings flapped in the air. "There is nothing but metal scrap here. No stones. Let us head south."

"Whatever you say, Brother."

As the minute lurched on, the wing flapping grew more and more distant.

Rainbow Dash stuck her head out, stared at the empty skies, and exhaled with relief.

"Well, then..." Lancie cracked the stone joints of his neck. "That was some rather fortuitous exposition." He smirked. "Wasn't it?"

"Do you have any idea what this means?" Rainbow stammered.

"Somebody's getting super lazy?"

Rainbow grinned at the statue. "Not all of the dragons are cool with Aatxe and his obsession with the shards!" She winked. "Hah! I told you that we'd learn something from snooping around here!"

He folded his arms, glaring. "Now this was just a matter of chance."

"Says you." Rainbow Dash reached into her satchel with numb hooves. "If most of Aatxe's brood feels like those two brothers did, then maybe we can find an edge! Spike notwithstanding, most dragons I've ever met or heard of aren't exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer. Wanna bet that my pony talking skills could get them to turn on their own Big Boss?"

"Wanna bet that every square inch of your pony body is flammable under dragon breath?"

"Oh hush." Rainbow frowned, fumbling through her satchel. "I was just spitting out the first idea that came to mind."

"Well, it was a dumb idea."

"All the better for me to stand on, cuz now we've got something to climb onto." At last, she pulled out a jar of Zecora's potion. "... ... ..." She stared at it, nostrils flaring. Eventually, she shoved the thing in and fastened the satchel shut. "I'm good. It can wait." She flexed her wing muscles. "The only thing that can't wait is Apple Bloom."

"So then..." Lancie instinctually hopped onto her back. "...is it go time?"

"It's go time and a half." Fwoooosh! Rainbow shot out of the building like a blue bullet. "At least we now know what the dragons call this place!"

"Yes! 'Blasted lands,'" Lancie said with a sly grin. "I'm certain something special happens here at level sixty and ninety."

"They were headed south... to search..." Rainbow took a deep breath. "So, I'm willing to bet we head north."

Lancie took a shuddering breath. "You would guess right."

"Huh?"

"I do believe I sense the shards due north of us."

"Funny..." Rainbow blinked, arching an eyebrow. "I could have sworn it was northwest of us earlier."

"Yes. It would appear as though the location of my shards has... moved."

"Moved?"

Lancie shrugged into the high winds. "Your guess is as good as mine."

Rainbow blinked at that. She stared down at the distant earth's surface. Through every other clearing in the forests, she spotted an orange figure peering up at her.

Rainbow's jaw clenched. "No more guessing." She flapped her wings harder. "Time for finding!" And she shot the two of them north in a prismatic blur.

Rampart Dash

The forests rolled beneath Rainbow Dash for miles. Although she was intent on following Lancie's senses to the source of the shards, she couldn't help but stare down at the landscape below every so often. Upon further inspection, she realized that the one clearing filled with ancient ruins wasn't a singular anomaly. In fact, several patches of exposed earth loomed beneath the pegasus, revealing all sorts of crumbled streets, pathways, and rectangular foundations to long-vanished structures. Every now and then, she'd stumble upon actual buildings, but very few of them stretched taller than two or three stories in height. It would appear as though centuries—if not eons of erosion and overgrown vegetation had blanketed the detritus of a past civilization completely. It was curiously serene, and Rainbow was slightly surprised to not spot a single monster in all of her flight.

"I guess there's nothing around these parts that attracts them," she murmured aloud. "Not anymore, at least."

"I doubt hydras have developed a diet for trees during my absence," Lancie mused.

"Meh."

Eventually, the treeline did fade, but only partially. The forest gave way to sporadic vegetation, and only because the earth began dipping into steep valleys—trenches that grew deeper and deeper. Soon, Rainbow found herself soaring over deep, semi-arid canyons with ancient, crooked trees leaning over cliff faces and promontories. The grasslands grew more and more eroded, with white sheets of rock poking through the emerald edges of the shallow dips and ravines.

Then, in some of the deeper canyons, Rainbow saw—or thought she saw—hints of gravel and crumbled stone. She spotted what looked like beds of broken rock and granite, as if various structures had plunged over the edges of the ravine and collected in the bottom as dusty, abandoned debris.

"I wonder if something happened here," Rainbow Dash murmured.

"Yeah. Ya think?" Lancie belched.

"No, for realsies!" Rainbow jerked her eyes away from an orange figure trotting across a clifface and flew on. "What if—like—some ancient civilization tampered with the alicorns' domain or something?"

Lancie smirked tiredly. "I am doing my darn best not to laugh my antlers off at such a statement."

"You know what I mean!" Rainbow pouted. "Like... they experimented too heavily with magic or some crap and then a whole bunch of crap blew up and their entire empire went 'bye-bye.' Maybe... like... that explains where all the monsters came from? And... uhhhh... why the griffons had to shut them out to begin with?"

"Since when did you become so eggheaded?"

Rainbow sighed, staring forward as she flew over the uneven landscape. "You're right. My heart and soul's compensating for... stuff." She swallowed hard. "I... I can't believe I'm saying this, but it suddenly feels super... super weird that I haven't seen my friends in so long."

"And just why is that supposed to sound weird?" Lancie shrugged. "You're a pony. You're entitled to dabble in the mush-mush."

"Yeah, but... it's not like I've abandoned my friends!" Rainbow said, voice cracking. "I'm... I'm still there for them..." Her pupils shrank as she scoured the landscape. "...aren't I?"

"Forgive me for sounding heartless, Sparky, but this is hardly the time and place to get existential over your friendships."

"Yeah... yeah..." Rainbow sighed. "I've just been... been so obsessed with getting this cure to Apple Bloom. Everything's been a super bright spotlight on one task and one task alone." She clenched her teeth. "Well... once I've gotten Apple Bloom fixed up, I swear—I'm not gonna get into any messes. I'm just gonna stay in Ponyville, chillax, and hang out with my marefriends like I always used to."

"And what of Princess Frecklestasia, hmmmm?" Lancie leaned in closer. "Will a certain pegasus be putting another draft of a letter to paper?"

Rainbow bit her lip. She dared to look down.

Through the bouldery dip of another trench, she saw an orange body wandering, pausing, looking up. Two fixed points of glittering emerald stabbed Rainbow from afar.

The mare clenched her eyes, inhaling the breezy air as she continued drifting north. "... ... ...one thing at a time."

"Heh. Fair enough."

"Just... gotta get to the source of the shards, Lancie."

"You mean like that?"

Rainbow's eyes flew open. Her vision followed his tiny, pointed talon.

A shadow crossed over Rainbow's figure, and her ears folded back.

High above, the rectangular foundation to a massive structure loomed. Rainbow Dash drifted to the left, and she watched as the light caught several tall bastions, towers, and pale spires on the thing's top surface. It took a great deal of long-distance inspection, but Rainbow could spot what looked like a chunk of floating earth as a foundation—as if something had been ripped straight out of the ground entirely. Atop this foundation was a square-shaped barrier, forming tall walls that scaled for half-a-dozen feet from the chunk of earth upon which they were erected.

It took a while for the wheels in Rainbow Dash's head to grind against one another, but she soon realized she was staring at what could only be described as a flying castle with thick granite peaks, complete with an inner keep and several imposing cylindrical fortifications. Around this massive, levitating sight, she spotted no less than three dozen draconian figures taking wing, circling in close orbit of the stronghold and breathing fire.

"Well, then..." Rainbow and Lancie blinked. "That's a thing."

Simple, Short, to the Pegasus

"Hmmmmm..." Rainbow Dash glanced left and right, her eyes soaking in all angles of the floating island's lower half like a sponge. "Yeah, okay, that's pretty magical."

"Ya think?" Lancie slurred. "If it wasn't flying at such a slow, boring speed, then I'd be tempted to say it was chaos at work."

"You don't suppose... erm... hmmm..." Rainbow tapped her chin in thought.

"What?" Lancie glanced at her while the two hovered in the shadow of the immense, looming castle. "That the illustrious Big Boss is using my shards to power the infernal thing's flight?"

"Well, sure." Rainbow blinked. "I mean... dragons are supposed to magical and stuff anyways, right?"

"When it suits them."

"But to use the shards to make a place fly?" Rainbow's muzzle twisted. "Isn't that kinda redundant for big fire-breathing dudes with wings?"

"Maybe Aatxe is fat."

"Your ideas are fat."

"Pffft... whatever, Sparky." Lancie shrugged. "You're the one begging me to think out loud."

"But why make a castle fly?" Rainbow Dash remarked. "I'd imagine that a castle would be... y'know... too tiny for a dragon, much less an entire roost of them."

"Still, you have to admit..." Lancie smiled. "It looks pretty pimp."

"Eh?"

Lancie sighed. "What now, my little pony?"

"What else?" Rainbow Dash cracked the joints in her neck and flapped her wings harder. She ascended, swiftly approaching the building overhead. "We go up there and invest the ever-loving crap out of that place."

"Uhhhhh..." Lancie clung tightly, wincing.

"Is there a problem, Sir Lancies-a-Lot?"

"I know that—despite your occasional streaks of melancholy and self-loathing—you're still a courageous pony underneath..." Lancie gulped. "...but don't you find that strategy a tad bit... stupid?"

"Your point?"

"Only that, if I was to find a gigantic looming fortress patrolled by fire-breathing draconian monstrosities, my very last impulse would be to fly directly towards it in the daytime."

"Lancie, dude, I can't waste anymore time," Rainbow said. "Apple Bloom needs—"

"A savior. Not a roasted corpse."

"Look, we know where Aatxe is... and we know where the shards are!" Rainbow exclaimed. "What's holding us back?" She turned and shrugged. "Besides, dragons shmagons... what are the odds that any one of those oversized buggers will see a tiny blue speck like me flying up to their villainous HQ—"

PHWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMB! A plume of burning dragonfire hurled its way straight towards Rainbow Dash from above.

"LUNA POOP!" Rainbow shrieked, immediately barrel rolling to the side.

"TOLD... YOU...!" Lancie gnashed his granite fangs, flailing off the end of Rainbow's tail as she narrowly avoided the incoming waves of flame.

Almost Bacon Headed

Rainbow Dash hard, her tail-hairs curling from—not one—but half a dozen fireballs being spat at her from behind.

The mare panted and heaved. She flashed a look behind her flapping wings.

Through the violently rocking world, she spotted no less than three draconian bodies plunging after her, vomiting stream after stream of burning breath.

"Fire bad!" Lancie belched, holding on for dear life.

"I know!" Rainbow gnashed her teeth, spiraling in desperation to escape the range of the burning projectiles.

"Fire bad! Fire bad!" Lancie's fangs clattered as the treetops blurring past them turned to ash. The air crackled all around as smoke plumes exploded on either side. "Fire Bad!"

"Yeah, I get it, Señor Bitch-Bitch!" Rainbow held her breath under a cloud of embers. "Hold on!" FWOOOOSH! She straight up with a savage downthrust of her wings.

"Guh!" Lancie rolled over her body, clinging to her mane before toppling off into the twirling world.

Thw-thw-thw-thwisssssh! Rainbow arched up in a mad twirl, hurling her body towards the dragon pursuers. Several slitted eyes flinched, as if the monsters were startled by Rainbow's daredevilish choice. Nevertheless, the scaley beasts launched a converging array of fireblasts.

Rainbow tugged so hard at the winds that several of her blue feathers uprooted. Nevertheless, she pulled herself into a heroic roll, narrowly avoiding the hot cores of the launched volleys. Next came the leathery wings of the dragons—like jagged clifffaces. She soared past them, missing by inches. She groaned from the sheer heat of the frictious near-contact, then soared on past their frames.

Tails thwicked and slashed, and this provided a whole new challenge. Rainbow glided past two sets of limbs no problem, but the third dragon's rear appendage was flinging towards her like a ball and chain.

"Crushed bones, incoming—!" Lancie yelped, pointing.

"Think positive, stupid!"

"Or do you mean 'think stupid, positive?'"

"Pick one!" Holding her breath, Rainbow suicidally flung her forelimbs out—caught a length of the tail, then swung herself around it like she was gripping a flagpole. She stopped the motion with her body mounted on the very tip of the limb. Then, she waited just long enough... and when the tail was being flung skyward again, she released, springing upwards, being launched towards the sky like a blue bullet.

It was around this time that the three dragons swung around, their angry eyes scouring the clouds. To their mutual surprise, there was no sign of the equine target.

The group floated to a stop, hovering in the shadow of the castle. With heated breaths, they growled at one another:

"You all saw that, right?"

"You mean the tiny morsel of meat that used your tail as a springboard, brother?"

"Grrrrr! Shut up! Was that or was that not a pony?"

"A winged pony!"

"Impossible! This far from the hoofed pastures?"

"Tell the others! We've got a feathery idiot begging to be singed to a crisp!"

"I'll let Big Boss know!"

"No! Just spread the word among the brood! First one to get an eye on the morsel gets an early lunch!"

"But shouldn't we tell Aatxe—?"

"About a pony? Pffft! You know how Big Boss hates being bothered. No reason to wake him over a pesky fly."

"Bah! Whatever... nothing happens up here anymore, I swear..."

The dragons growled amongst one another and flew in opposite directions.

Rainbow Dash heard their leathery wings beating from where she clung to the belly of the floating castle's earthen base.

She pressed herself tighter to the dark dirt and stone, panting, clinging to a loose length of tree roots.

Wiping the sweat from her brow, she turned and smiled devilishly at the statue hanging off her shoulder. "See? Easy... as... pie..." She wheezed for breath.

Lancie folded his arms. "Said She Who Was Nearly Barbecue."

"Hey. What matters is I made it." Rainbow frowned. "Nobody said this was a ballet!"

"If only my lil' sis were that lucky," Applejack said, standing upside down on the floating island.

"Ohhhhhh shut up," Rainbow grumbled.

"Huh?" Lancie blinked.

"Not you. Not this time, at least." Cringeing, Rainbow Dash nevertheless scurried her way across the underbelly of the floating rock, her ears tickled to the beating wings of dragons surrounding the structure. "Now, let's see what's up with Big Boss' Base..."

Aatxe's Flying Castle

"You know, come to think of it," Lancie murmured from Rainbow's saddlebag. "Those were some rather chatty dragons."

"Shhhh!" Rainbow gnashed her teeth, struggling to climb her way up the western ramparts of the flying castle. Forests, ravines, and hilltops lingered far below. Every now and then, Rainbow's hooves would graze a loose brick and send it tumbling down—where a full minute and a half of falling would eventually bring it crashing to the earth's surface. "Animated statues could learn a thing or two about being quiet too, y'know."

"I'm just saying." Lancie shrugged. Rainbow had chosen a strategic place to climb in the crook of two adjoining walls angled inward. As a result, a looming shadow obscured most of her ascent from the draconian guards circling at a distance. "Back in my day, dragons were the silent, brooding sort. They spoke softly but carried huge balls..." He grinned, granite fangs glinting. "...of fire, that is."

"Uh huh."

"Show's how much several millennia can change things," Lancie muttered. "Rendering dragons to idiotic chatterboxes."

"Well, from what I can tell, these dudes aren't exactly the oldest dragons in the book."

"Hmmm?"

"You heard 'em, Lancie," Rainbow said. "They're all belonging to a single brood, so they're probably super young. In fact, sounds like most of them are brothers. Remember the two dragons who showed up outside the building we were squatting in?"

"Do I have to?" he moaned.

Rainbow continued: "They were all going on and on about how—like—the Big Boss Aatxe was given his title of authority. Like an inheritance, y'know? So, the way I figure it, there was a dragon or two who first nested the brood. Like... a Dragon King or Queen. And maybe they died or they skipped off or did whatever it is that dragon adults do, but—whatever the case—they left one broodling in charge of all the rest. Which seems kinda stupid in my book, but—from how angry some of the dragons sound—I'm probably not the only one who thinks that."

"So, in other words, Aatxe is in charge only because someone appointed him the dragon crown."

"Did they ever do that in your time?"

Lancie blinked. "What?"

"Grnnngh..." Rainbow climbed her way past a damaged patch of bricks. "...hand crowns and tiaras around like pony royalty?"

"Actually, dragon broodlings from my time typically feasted on the matriarch's flesh after her time had come and gone."

"Mmrmmff... lovely." Rainbow Dash came within close proximity of the top of the ramparts. "Well, something tells me that these guys skipped an important step somewhere, and now they're having to make do."

"With Aatxe as the boss."

"Right. And maybe... like... to prove his worth, he's desperate to gain a lotta power." Rainbow sweated, throwing her hooves over the top lip of the segmented wall. "So, for that reason... mmmffff... he's relying on the shards."

"Makes sense to me." Lancie blinked. "Ugh... I hate it when things make sense. Makes me want to vomit."

"Just hold it in for a bit." Rainbow took a deep breath, then pulled herself up. Silently, she peered over the ramparts, eyes darting left and right.

There was no sign of any presence atop the wall, draconian or otherwise.

The mare exhaled. With a flap of her wings, she pushed herself up and rolled safely onto the top of the wall. She heard the loud thwoooosh of leathery appendages, and she ducked low. Several dragon-shaped shadows cross over her body. Apprehensively, she crawled over to the inner lip of the wall and peered down. Her ruby eyes lit up with orange plumes of fiery light.

An enormous courtyard filled the majority of the floating island's surface area. Here, dragons gathered in tight groups. Some talked with one another. Others wrestled and sparred. Sparks and bursts of flame issued between dualing opponents, adding to the scorch marks blanketing the ancient walls of the place. Along the furthest edges, the larger and older broodlings reclined, looking lethargic and bored.

"You were right, Sparky," Lancie remarked. "They all do look on the younger end of the spectrum." He smiled. "Like a breakfast club of apocalyptic delinquents."

"Make that miserable apocalyptic delinquents," Rainbow muttered. "All things considered, these guys have a pretty killer lair here. You'd think they'd be more excited about it."

"Maybe there's a freckle-faced, apple-farming she-dragon somewhere that's gotten stuck in their craw."

"Meh..." Rainbow grumbled, looking down both ends of the wall. Towards the northwest, the ramparts connected with a cylindrical tower. An open doorframe loomed. "The only way to learn more is to go deeper."

"Lead the way, Dicaprioats."

Rainbow Dash galloped stealthily towards her destination. At the doorway, she paused, staring up and down.

"...there a problem?" Lancie murmured.

"Just... the way this place is built," Rainbow muttered. "It's too big for a pony... but also too small for dragons, really." She gulped, glancing behind her. "Why would Aatxe have chosen this place?"

"We're not here to interior decorate." The statue swatted her ears and pointed down with a granite talon. "My shard senses are tingling. Go down a few floors."

"Yeah, yeah..." And, with a shuddering breath, Rainbow proceeded into the castle interior.

Once a Melon Fudge, Always a Melon Fudge

A spyglass reflected the image of a castle floating briskly through high clouds.

Romulus lowered the instrument from his one good eye. He clenched his teeth under his beak, flying at a courageous height beneath the shadows of circling dragons.

Just then, the air crackled with static electricity. The wind shifted, spiraled, and then—CRACK!—a yellow unicorn mare appeared in mid-air beside him. "Romulus, Don Canter's stallions want to know—" The magic of her teleported faded, and Sunset Shimmer plunged like an anvil covered in bacon grease. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh!"

With a sigh, Romulus reached out and calmly gripped the mare by her tail. "Try not to scream. Dragons have good hearing, despite their dense and scaly heads."

"Guhhh!" Sunset Shimmer flailed, dangling upside down. She frowned up at the griffon bounty hunter, sneering. "What the buck, you cycloptic turkey?! When I honed in on your signature, I thought you were perched on a mountain top or something!"

"You know, for all of your book reading, you're still a gullible soft-hoof idiot. Has anypony ever told you that?"

"Fine. Whatever. Just give me a report so I can port back to the other punks and keep their restless butts pacified." Sunset frowned, folding her forelimbs as she dangled. "They're starting to think that all of this is a wild goose chase... that we're wasting their valuable time."

"Look at that." Romulus pointed with his other talon. "Tell me if that is a waste of time."

"Huh? What?" Sunset twirled about. At last, her eyes spotted the upside-down sight of the castle, and she gasped. "Whoah! Celestia taking a mud bath!"

"Seen the likes of it before?"

"I... I've seen some pretty fantastical things, sure!" She gulped. "Even conjured them! But never have I seen this sort of stuff in the scaly palms of dragons!" She levitated loose a pad of paper and a pen and started taking furious, furious notes. "The sheer amount of manapower that's required to keep all of that afloat is mind-boggling..."

"Could the chaos shards be doing it?" Romulus frowned. "And if so, would it wear them down any?"

"Wear them down...?!"

"You know... dilute the reserve power and such nonsense." Romulus groaned. "Because, I swear, if we get there and the shards are just as powerful as worn-out light bulbs..."

"Chaos doesn't work that way," Sunset Shimmer explained. "Much like Harmonic Energy, it's constantly renewable, so long as a piece of opposing energy is existing and resonating elsewhere on the same plane. It's the flux between the two that allows for kinetic dispe—"

"Yeah yeah yeah... whatever. So it won't be a jaded bunch of charcoal once we get to it. Good."

"But... how do we even know that it's there?" Sunset asked. "It's too far away for my leylines to detect, and Rainbow Dash is nowhere to b—"

"The damnable Equestrian's flown into the Castle."

"She... she has?"

"I saw her just now," Romulus said, his beak's nostrils flaring. "Along with her little stone dragon friend."

"Since when did stone dragons have antlers?"

"Don't press the issue!" Romulus grumbled, raising Sunset so that their eyes more closely connected. "The fact is, they're in the Castle! And if something's drawn them there, then the shards must be there in waiting!" He peered up at the floating structure. "And the same can be said about Aatxe."

"Then... then this is it." Sunset tightened her upside down jaw. "This is where we spring our trap."

"Perhaps. Perhaps not."

"Huh?"

Romulus tapped his break with his other talon. "Rainbow's already flown into the lion's den, so to speak. She's a courageous pony... but a dumb one. I suspect she's already got a trap sprung for her."

"Soooooo... we don't intervene?"

"Let's play it out. If she comes out of this as a smoldering corpse, then we'll know just how tough the 'Big Boss' of the dragons is."

"And if she comes out of this unscathed?"

"Then we spring the trap. Torture her. Threaten her friends. Do what we can to get her to tell us what she's seen on the inside."

"Ohhhhhhh..." Sunset slowly nodded with an evil grin. "We get her to do reconnaissance for us!"

"Precisely. But still... wouldn't hurt to get into position just in case." Romulus peered east. "The castle's heading back towards the Barricade... and swiftly. Port back to the rest of the group and tell them to gallop due north. We should be able to cut off the Castle's path at this rate."

"How do we even plan to reel it down?"

"Leave that to the experts," Romulus grumbled, then released her tail. "Now poof."

"Gaaaaaaah—!" Sunset twirled, performing a teleportation spell before she could plunge into the forested treetops below.

With a sneering breath, Romulus turned and gazed up at the floating mountain and the structure on top of it. After a few moments, a wicked grin crossed his avian features.

What a (flying) Mansion!

The interior of the castle was very dark, dank, and—above all—cramped. More to the point, the hallways were undeniably too small to fit a full-sized dragon. Rainbow suspected that many of the dragons circling the place were younger than the average fire-breathing lizard, but even still it was obvious to the mare that the inner corridors of the floating structure were not built for them.

And the castle was definitely not built for ponies.

"See the paintings?" Rainbow muttered, gesturing up at the framed landscapes and tapestries that blanketed almost every wall of the castle's brick-laid innards. "They're all positioned too high." The mare squinted, her muzzle scrunched. "No pony in their right mind would put those things there. I mean—unless you were a giraffe—then what's the use? They're totally out of range of a normal pony's casual view!"

"I thought your unicorn friend with the corkscrew tail was the interior decorator among your friends," Lancie mused. "What's her name again? 'Elusive?'"

"Rarity," Rainbow grunted. "And the point I'm making is... nothing here makes sense."

"Ah." Lancie leaned forward in her satchel, a smile brandished across his fanged features. "Suddenly, I am awake."

"If I didn't know better, I'd say the dragons... like... stole this from someone."

"Stole what? The Castle?"

"You heard me."

"To what end?" Lancie shrugged. "Seems to me that dragons have all they need to get around on their own. What, with the whole leathery wings thing."

"We both know that Aatxe wants the remaining shards," Rainbow said. She added with a gulp: "The shards that I have back home."

"Your point...?"

"Well, to conduct his search, maybe he and his fellow broodlings... like... need a mobile base of operations? I mean we both know how friggin' long it took just me to get here, and I'm the fastest pegasus in all of Equestria!"

"It'd help him and his fellow fire-breathers to have a moving launchpad, eh?"

"Eh!" Rainbow frowned, descending a flight of stairs and shuffling down another long corridor full of dusty tapestries and cobwebs. "Y'know, I'm willing to bet that this whole moving castle thingy is what's allowed Aatxe and his reptilian cohorts to pass the Griffon barricade."

"You think this castle can withstand the winds?"

"It's not just a castle, Lancie," Rainbow said, passing dilapidated furniture and moldy bookcases. "It's built on top of a friggin' mountain. Whatever powers this place up most definitely trumps the ancient stuff that the griffons have ever had up their sleeves."

"And I think we both know exactly what powers it up."

"Yeah, but—like—how?" Rainbow Dash frowned. "Is this really chaos' bag?"

"We are talking about a lot of chaos strips, here, Sparky," Lancie said, pretending to examine his talon and wrist. "Basically the entire remaining half of me."

"Yeah, but... h-how could they do it all on their own?" Rainbow Dash asked. "I mean... take me, for instance. I've gotten some pretty schnazzy stuff done with the help of your shards. But all because of you!"

"Hmmm..." Lancie fidgeted, glancing over his shoulder. "Indeed."

"But Aatxe hasn't had you. He hasn't had Lancie, the one sentient part of the shards that matters! So... like... what's his ignition key for this whole mess? How's the Big Boss able to make the stones tick?"

"Dragons are older than most living things, Sparky," Lancie said. "Heck, some of them may even be older than me."

"Pffft." Rainbow rolled her eyes, smirking in mid-trot. "Yeah right."

"The point I'm trying to make, my little pony, is that I don't have all the answers."

"Yeah, but these are your shards." Rainbow Dash passed something tall and shiny. "One would think that you'd—" The mare froze in place, jerking to a stop. She spun her head aside, blinking inquisitively.

A suit of armor stood against the wall. Only, it was no normal suit of armor. Instead of resting on four limbs, the thing stood vertically on two legs, with another pair of legs dangling at its side. A round—almost spherical helmet rested on top of a rigid pair of shoulder plates. A polearm leaned into the frozen armor's metallic grip, almost as stiff and rigid as the thing's invisible spine. All in all, the inexplicable figure towered over Rainbow Dash, standing at nearly ten pony heights tall.

Rainbow's eyes narrowed. Her muzzle hung open for a bit before she summoned the strength to murmur: "Maybe... there are things older than dragons, Lancie."

The statue slowly shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine."

Rainbow peered at the thing for a few faltering seconds. Then—battling goosebumps—she trotted briskly ahead, ducking around another corner.

Brimstoned

Rainbow Dash sniffed... then sniffed again.

"Hmmmm..." Her ruby eyes narrowed. She slowed her trot to a shuffling crawl, peering left and right. "Mmmmm..." Once again, her fuzzy nostrils flared. "...you smell that?"

"I haven't had a functioning large intestine in eons, I swear."

"No, for real." Rainbow Dash lowered her breath to an anxious mumble as she crawled further down the castle corridor. It was at least two corners since she last passed a slitted window, and there was no sunlight to reach this part of the interior. She found herself traversing pure shadows and darkness. "This smell... I've sensed it before."

"Dust?"

"Brimstone, ya melon fudge," Rainbow grumbled. "I've smelled it at the lair of that one dragon that nearly bathed Equestria in darkness from his high mountain." Her ears twitched. "Also, every time Spike sneezes."

"Well, we are in a castle full of the scaly misanthropes."

"Which is exactly the point. I think we're getting close, Lancie."

"Close to what?"

"That's why I need you to help me. Keep your stone eyes peeled." She shuffled forward, squatting low on her haunches. "Look for any sign of—" Crkkkk! Her hoof crunched into rubble and gravel. "—weirdness?"

"Uhhhhhh..." Lancie peered into the shadows. "Where did the hallway go, Sparky?"

Rainbow Dash paled. As her eyes adjusted to the shadows, she realized that she was standing in a massive swath of structural damage. To her left and right, the walls had crumbled, forming a fresh new hole that ripped straight through the heart of the castle... a very large hole.

"What... could this crud be about?" Her ear twitched, and she flung a look to her right. The mare found herself staring down a long, dim corridor of smashed and impacted walls. At the very end, she sensed a large chamber opening up to gray brickwork and dull red torchlight. "A dungeon...?"

"Shhhh..." Lancie leaned in. "I hear something."

Rainbow's jaw tensed. "Yeah, me too. Like... voices... arguing voices..."

"No! I mean I hear something coming," Lancie insisted. Just then, a loud scraping sound filled the corridors. The statue spun around and gazed down the opposite end of the craggy tunnel. "Well, throw poo all over me."

"Huh?!" Voice cracking, Rainbow swung her head to the left to look where he was. Her ears folded while a crimson light glinted off her eyes. "Oh gosh nuggets!"

Thud! Thud! Thud! Thud! Thud! THUD! A rampaging set of clawed feet stormed towards Rainbow Dash and her granite companion.

"Httt!" The mare grunted as she somersaulted forward, narrowly missing the scaly toes of the beast. She tucked her tail underneath her and pressed her body against a solid stretch of wall. There, she froze, panting, sweating.

All the while, the full length of a hulking dragon dragged its way past her, followed by another... and then another. Three draconian wyrms of beastly scale made their way into the deepest depths of the castle in a beastly procession. Once they entered the torchlit chamber beyond, Rainbow heard the unmistakable frothing of flames, followed by pungent brimstone and burnt ashes. The air rumbled with angry, draconian voices.

"What are they even arguing about...?" Lancie asked.

"Dunno! Dun care!" Rainbow sputtered.

"Don't tell me you're suddenly afraid of these creepazoids, Sparky," the statue groaned.

"No. Not afraid. Not really." Rainbow gulped, her pulse racing as she continued to press herself against the wall. "I think the word 'woken up' more aptly describes it."

"That's two words, genius."

"Says you."

"Come on!" Lancie gestured and pointed. "Solid sneak it! Whatever they may be squabbling about, this could be our chance to learn what this whole place is about!"

"Yeah... yeah, I just..." Rainbow faltered. She reached a hoof out, flexing it. All the blood was rushing out, and she felt incredibly numb. "Dang it..." With a dull lurch, she stumbled down the corridor on the other side of the dragon-sized tunnel and fumbled for her saddlebag. "...just a quick recharge. Super quick. I promise."

Lancie sighed. "Whatever. But I'm telling you... the shards are in there."

"I bet they are." Rainbow Dash nevertheless shuddered, fumbling to open one of the last potion jars. "Everything... everything's within reach..."

"Shoulda known you'd run out of courage," spoke a drawling voice. Rainbow spotted a freckled reflection in the glass sheen of the bottle. An orange muzzle curved beneath a pair of bright green eyes. "Reckon it's better you die a corpse than come back home a coward."

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. Her eyes clenched shut.

Applejack's breath tickled her ears. "Can't bear the guilt of my sister's death when yer meltin' in the belly of a dragon..."

The pegasus gnashed her teeth. Opening her eyes with a frown, she stuffed her bottle away. "Okay, Lancie... let's do this..."

"Huh?" Lancie scratched his head between his antlers. "Suddenly no need for liquid courage?"

"I'll need it for the flight out of here," Rainbow grumbled, trotting forward, sneaking. "When it comes time to smoke these gem-huffing jerks."

"Heh..." Lancie smirked. "That's more like it."

"Shhhh..." Rainbow crouched low and slinked towards the source of the dim torchlight. "Leave the cool stuff to me..."

Leaf and Let Dragon

Rainbow Dash crawled her way deeper into the heart of the castle. She let the clarity of the draconian voices be her guide, leading her through careening corridors and collapsed walls. The entire time she proceeded, a dim smattering of torchlight grew brighter and brighter.

The mare's ears twitched as she attempted to make out the voices. Perched on her backside, Lancie leaned forward, similarly intent on making the grumbling conversation out.

"Whoever's chatting up ahead—they sure don't sound too happy," Rainbow muttered. "You'd think that—with a flying castle and all—you'd be pretty darn content with the way things were."

"You'd be surpised how some of us can't allow ourselves to enjoy something that's right in front of us," Lancie said. A few seconds later, he smirked. "Actually, I forgot who I was talking to."

Rainbow groaned. "Lancie, this is not the time for—" Something sharp scraped at her shoulder. "Ouch!"

"What?" Lancie droned. "Did you stub your hoof on your own irony?"

"N-no!" Rainbow's voice cracked as she rubbed her shoulder. "Can hardly see in this place. I just brushed past—" She paused in mid-speech, her head tilting towards the right as her eyes narrowed. "Uhhhhh..."

"What is it now?" Lancie muttered.

"Good question." Rainbow found herself staring at a partially-collapsed room, in the center of which was an enormous tree seemingly planted into the floor. Clumps of rich soil and dirt spilled out of the bricklaid surface beneath it. Despite the fantastic location of the tree's rooting, it had evidently seen better days. The trunk was savagely bent, its bark charred and singed in several places. The branches had lost all their leaves, and several of the boughs sagged and trailed off into gnarled wooden tresses. There was no doubt the tree had died, but somehow Rainbow perceived that it was a slow death... a needless death.

Furthermore, the closer she studied the branches, the more she noticed extremely odd details. There were what looked like wooden planks and baskets resting within the crooks of various tree limbs. From these tiny structures, Rainbow Dash saw random bits of artificial detritus hanging out, as if the branches were populated by miniature houses that had been burnt out and ransacked.

"How many different kinds of creatures lived in this friggin' castle?" Rainbow Dash remarked.

"Beats me, Sparky," Lancie remarked. He pointed down a hallway with a granite claw. "But looks like some tenants were enjoying the high life at some time."

"Huh?" Rainbow turned to squint down an adjacent corridor. Through a dragon-shaped hole in the wall, she saw a long hallway filled with tree after planted tree. All of the branches had similar structures hanging off of them, and every single specimen was in disrepair. "Wanna bet a hundred bits that the dragons cleared the Breezies out of here?"

"The what?" Lancie belched.

"Heh..." Rainbow smirked slightly as she continued towards the torchlight. "That must have been something that evolved after your time."

"Evidently I've missed a lot."

"Eh... not much, really," Rainbow muttered.

"Perhaps the dragons here took up horticulture?"

"But dragons suck at gardening."

"Precisely."

"Shhhh!" Rainbow squatted low, clinging to the corner of a hallway junction with almost feline grace. "They're right up ahead!"

"Why are we whispering?"

"Because I don't want to end up like those trees back there!" Rainbow rasped.

"With the way those dragons are filling their ears with snarls, I doubt they can hear anything else."

"Will you just hush up, Lancie, and let me listen?" Rainbow craned her fuzzy ear towards the next chamber.

From beyond, several angry voices resonated in a half-circle, aimed away from Rainbow Dash.

"...is definitely happening, Big Boss. The further we take this lair of yours towards Morsel Lands, the more we keep running into things."

Dragon Out the Reveal

Rainbow Dash listened in while the draconian conference continued in the next chamber below.

"Running into what kind of things?"

"Bothersome things! We're trying to find the last few stones for you, Boss. But I don't think we're the only ones searching for them! And the further out we fly, the more creatures we run into who want a piece of your hoard!"

"Well, drive them off, you lazy sacks of scale!"

"It's not that easy! You want us gathering the stones or protecting the castle?"

"Can't you do both?!"

"Big Boss, we'd love to, but the brood is still young. We can't do well by focusing on two things at once! It was a lot different when Mother was still around—"

"What?! What did you say?!"

"Er..."

"Must you forget that Mother assigned me this task when she died?! I am not a mere broodling! I am your master! I am Big Boss! And the only way to supreme power is to collect all of these stones! You can and WILL find them and protect them! I don't care how hard it is to do two things at once! Do you want to be hoardless?"

"Uhhhh..."

"Well?!"

"Hey! Listen! Someone approaches!"

Rainbow Dash blanched. Every inch in her body froze.

"Mrmmmf... the sound of those wings... Big Boss, I think it's—"

FWOOOOOSH! A large, scaly body glided past Rainbow. The sheer force of the leathery flight nearly threw Rainbow off her hooves. She successfully clung to the bricks at the last second, craning her neck to see who had just entered.

The entire castle shook from the heavy claws touching down.

"Big Boss..." A deep, rumbling voice spoke.

Lancie blinked. "Hey... isn't that...?"

"One of the dragons on patrol out by the ruins," Rainbow muttered, nodding back. "I recognize the voice too."

"Blood Fire... what news from your patrol?"

"There are many intruders from the Morsel Lands, Big Boss. Several of them are situated southeast of us, just before the treeline of the Thick Brambles. The last time any of us saw them, they were pivoting about, moving northeast."

"You mean... you mean they're tr-tracking the Castle?!" Big Boss' voice cracked.

"That is correct."

"Why didn't you burn them to a crisp, Blood Fire?!"

"One does not eliminate a few straggling pests and expect to take out the entire nest."

"Ugh! Fine. Just who are these punks, anyways?"

"Several ponies and a herd of canines. Also, I'm almost certain I've smelled griffon feathers in the wind."

Rainbow Dash's jaw dropped. "No... friggin'... way..." she murmured.

"Hey-heyyyy!" Lancie grinned. "It's a party—mfmmmfff!" His eyes bulged as her hoof covered his stone muzzle.

"This is just a hint of what's to come, Big Boss," spoke Blood Fire. "The further this structure carries itself along this path, the more we'll have to contend with the likes of griffons... other dragon broods... and even ponies."

"Hey!" Spoke one of the other dragons. "Funny you should say that! Red Barb and Shackles mentioned having seen a pony on their patrol!"

"What?!" Big Boss stammered.

"Yeah! A flying pony! What are they called, again... 'pegasisters?'"

"You see? This is just the beginning," spoke Blood Fire. "We can deal with a few of these nuisances for you, Big Boss, with very little problem. But in numbers, they can be quite overwhelming. We may be able to pass over the lands with our scales intact, but this castle will not last forever."

"I don't intend to 'pass over' anything! I plan to gain maximum power! And I can only accomplish this by finding the rest of the stones! And they're in the Morsel Lands!"

"But at what cost would you want to acquire these, brother? You are the most powerful brood king in this region. No dragon in all the land can come close to challening you."

"Blood Fire, since when were you paid to do the thinking for me?"

The air rumbled before Blood Fire answered in a growling tone: "In blood have I committed my service to you, Big Boss. My blood. Mother's blood. The blood of all future broodlings are at your command. Is that not enough?"

"No! It's not! And you should know better than to question that!"

Brow furrowed, Rainbow Dash crawled past the nearest obstruction. She stood on a crumbling balcony floor overlooking a long, thick throne room. Several torches illuminated scales, armored neck crests, and dragon tails. At least half-a-dozen bodies stood in a subservient row, facing the far end. Rainbow craned her neck to see where Aatxe was situated, but all she saw was a large, crimson body facing in the same direction.

"Well... Blood Fire certainly lives up to his name," Rainbow muttered. "But where's Big Boss?"

"I'd say follow the grating voice," Lancie said.

Rainbow listened as—

"All Brood Kings and Queens who've come before me have failed to make their clan ascend!" Aatxe growled. "They've either died in combat, lost their hoard, or dwindled into obscurity! Well, I'm not about to become one of the worthless names of the past! This brood deserves to be the most powerful dragon family in all the lands! Mother would have wanted it no different!"

"Actually, brother, mother would have wanted good health and prosperity for her hatchlings. Not for us to burn out in a fruitless search—"

"Silence! I will tolerate your insubordinance no longer! You want to see 'fruitless?' Try looking for it! Because it's not here! I mean—feast your eyes on the Flame Staff!"

A clawed shadow swam across the torchlight. Rainbow's eyes followed it, and she gasped.

Situated to the left of the throne—hidden within a niche of the long brick wall—was what appeared to be a tall petrified spine made out of dragon bones. However, clinging to the tall length of this staff were several curiously familiar stone limbs made out of chaotic granite. The smooth gray edges of the shards glistened in the nearby firelight.

"Ah jeez, Lancie..." Rainbow grimaced. "They went and made a friggin' totem out of your bits."

"How terribly grotesque and unethical," Lancie said. He bore a fanged smile. "I'm quite flattered, actually."

Whelp...

"The Flame Staff is the best thing that's ever happened to our clan!" exclaimed Aatxe. Rainbow struggled and leaned back and forth to catch a glimpse of the Big Boss, but Blood Fire's intimidatingly large body was blocking all conceivable angles. "It's moved earth... repelled water!" continued the brood king. "It's what made this incredible flying lair possible! Are you trying to say that a power that can move mountains is dangerous?"

"Only when used too strongly, brother," said Blood Fire. "I want this clan to prosper as much as you do, but the thing about collecting a good hoard is knowing when to practice moderation."

"Sounds to me, Blood Fire, that you've long since abandoned thinking like a dragon for thinking like a fragile mortal from the Morsel Lands!"

The other dragons in the room nodded and muttered approvingly.

Blood Fire sighed. Tendrils of smoke poured out of his shapely nostrils. "I don't see what is so 'fragile' about the concept of exercising caution. If we throw our lair over the windy walls that the griffons erected, we'll incur the wrath of every creature east of here—both beastly and non beastly. It's difficult enough conducting the search for the rest of your shards while guarding this castle. Imagine how much thinner our brood will be spread if we make this risky venture—?"

"Are you behind me or not, Blood Fire?"

"You needn't question my dedication to—"

"Are you behind me or not?!"

Silence.

At last, Blood Fire's wings coiled and he said, "I am ever loyal and obedient to you, brother."

"Hmmmm...?"

Blood Fire grumbled, but eventually produced: "I am loyal to you... Big Boss."

"Which is just as Mother intended! And do not forget it!"

"Rrrrghhhh... I don't think I could even if I tried..."

"Seems like there're cracks in the roost," Lancie murmured.

Rainbow Dash nodded from her lofty perch. "Right." She gulped. "Maybe it's high time I took advantage of it."

"Indeed." Lancie leaned back in her saddlebag. "I suppose you could wait until the dragons are asleep and then sneak in to steal this... 'Flame Staff.' Or you could search the walls and pillars of this place for structural deficiencies and destabilize it in just the right place to bring the whole thing crashing down."

"Mmmmm... those ideas all sound too lengthy," Rainbow muttered. "And I've spent enough time getting here as it is."

"Or you could... uhhh... I dunno..." Lancie shrugged. "Make a mad dive for the Staff, risking life and limb for a single suicidal theft."

"Hey! Sure!" Rainbow grinned.

Lancie staggered in place. "Wat."

"Big Boss is sounding like a real moron, and these guys are kind of thick-headed, aside from this Blood Fire guy, of course."

"Of course."

"So... like... I could zip around this place in a circle..." Rainbow motioned. "...putting out the flames and blinding every dragon. Then I'll bounce off Blood Fire's skull super hard, throwing him off guard. Then I fling myself towards the Flame Staff, grab it, and high-hoof it out of here."

"Sparky, I know you're crafty and all, but I find that idea highly dangerous, unnecessarily risky, and downright stupid."

"I know!" Rainbow Dash grinned. "That's why I'm gonna do it."

"I'm with you." Lancie perched atop her neck as her wings stretched. "I suggest a counter-clockwise motion to eliminate all the torches."

"Cool beans. You ready?"

"Nope."

"Let's go!" Then, holding her breath, Rainbow Dash plunged over the balcony's edge. Her body spun around, flapped both wings, and double-backed once reaching the lower level. She pivoted sideways, stretching one wing out as she accelerated at a violent velocity. One after another, she put out the torches through sheer windspeed and momentum. Already, the air heated up with draconian gasps.

"Huh?!"

"What?!"

"Where'd that gust come from?!"

"Brothers, that's no gust—" Began Blood Fire's voice.

"Aaaaaaaand..." Rainbow flew past the last torch, propelled herself off a wall, and sailed straight for the oldest dragon's skull. "...shut you up!" She twirled backwards, bicycle-kicking the dragon upside the chin. WHAM!

"Ooomf!" He grunted, his massive body teetering back slightly.

Rainbow was already bouncing backwards. The throneroom around her spun, and she sailed straight for the petrified spine full of shards resting in its alcove.

"You got this, Sparky!" Lancie hollered, pumping a talon in the air.

"Dang skippy!" Rainbow reached out and grabbed the Staff. "Zoop!"

FLASSSSSH! A bolt of nebulous black and purple energy exploded upon the pony's contact. She was blown back by the chaotic blast, landing on her blue rump in the middle of the floor.

"Oooof... gaaaugh!" Rainbow rolled over several times. "Unnnngh..." She opened her eyes, pupils flickering like red islands against a yellow sea. Shaking her head, she blinked her eyes to normal and gazed around the darkened room. "The hay was that?"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh..." Lancie sat up in her saddlebag, grinning stupidly. "An Ultimate Tier Harmonic Displacement Spell! Nice!" He grinned toothily. "He even got the cool zig-zaggy purple sparkles right!"

"Lancie—!" Rainbow began.

FWOOOOOMB! A circle of red flame surrounded her, lighting up the room. Wincing from the heat, Rainbow looked up to see a tall scaly figure towering over her.

"That's as far as you go, morsel," Blood Fire growled. He tilted his snout up to look beyond her. "Big Boss! Do you see? Just one creature is daring enough to infiltrate the heart of your precious lair! How many more will we have to contend with if we continue our way east?"

"Are you joking, brother?! Look at her! She's no threat! She's a midday snack at best!"

"Whoah, girl!" Lancie chanted. "Are you gonna stand for that—Guh!" The living statue flailed back as Rainbow stood up.

"Alright! That's it! Enough hiding!" Rainbow spun away from Blood Fire and stomped her hooves. "Where are you, Aatxe?! Show yourself! You and I both knew this showdown was inevitable, so let's get it over with you big... big..." She blinked and squinted through the flames. "...just where in the buck are you, anyway?"

"Over here, you stupid horse!"

Rainbow looked at the heavy frame of the throne. "Uhhh... where?"

"Here!"

Blinking, Rainbow peered and peered...

"... ... ...unnngh... down here!"

Rainbow tilted her head lower... and lower and lower. Her ears folded.

Spike's tiny body sat in the middle of the throne. Only, it wasn't Spike. But it looked exactly like him—except he had orange scales with black spines and little stubby wings. His eyes were red slits instead of green, and every time he spoke a chipped fang glistened in Blood Fire's light.

"You want to threaten me, you stare me straight in the face!" the tiny whelp said, voice cracking as he tried his best to sneer the entire time.

"... ... ..." Rainbow blinked. "... ... ...snkkkkt... grkkk—Ha HA Ha HA Ha HA Ha!"

Aatxe and You Shall Receive

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" Tiny tufts of flame billowed from the tiny dragon's even tinier nostrils. He stood up in his throne—which didn't amount to much. "Stop laughing!" his voice cracked, swallowed up by the monumental waves of Rainbow's laughter.

"Hah hah hah hah hah haaaaaaaah!" Rainbow had fallen on her back at this point, clutching her fuzzy belly. She giggled and chortled and cackled despite the proximity of Blood Fire's ring of flame still billowing around her. "Oh... oh ho ho... ho ho ho don't tell me that... th-that all this time... heee heee... ho ho ho... snkkkt..." She wiped a tear from her eye and pointed through the blaze. "YOU'RE 'Big Boss?'"

"Yes!" The whelp pounded his orange fist against the throne's armrest. "I am!"

"YOU'RE the big scary boss of the dragons who've been chasing after me and the chaos shards all this time?!"

"In a manner of spea—"

"Hahahahaha!"

"Hey!" Aatxe stamped his hoof, his spines wilting slightly. "Quit laughing!"

"HAHHHHH hah hah hah hah haaaaaaaaaaah!"

The dragons gathered around the throne room shifted uncomfortably, exchanging nervous glances with one another.

"Grrrrr!" Aatxe angrily scraped his claws across the throne and looked up. "Blood Fire! Quick! Get her to stop laughing at me!"

"Mmmmmmm..." The oldest broodling in the group pivoted about, staring at the rolling mare. "She is... surrounded on all sides by burning hot flame, brother."

"Who is this mare?!" Aatxe yodeled, pointing limply at the giggling figure. "She throws herself in here, kicks you in the face, tries to take a swipe out of the Flame Staff, and then she laughs at my majesty!"

"Yeah..." One of the broodlings smirked. "Eheheh... who'd a thunk of that—?"

FWOOOMB! Exhaling smoldering flames, Blood Fire glared the broodling down.

"Ulp...!" The smaller dragon backed up until he shivered in the shadowed edge of the throne room. "Nobody! Nobody thought of th-that! That's wh-who!"

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeee..." Rainbow Dash finally sat up, catching her breath. "Hahaha... hoooooooboyyyyy..." She fanned herself, smiling with a flushed, drunken expression. "I know I'm probably going to die in a super excrutiating and embarrassing manner, but I totally needed that, duuuuude."

"Had enough of the flaaaaaame?!" Aatxe attempted to roar. "Speak, morsel! Who are you!"

"I'm awesome." Rainbow hopped up to her hooves, squinting through the flame. "And you're shorter than what?"

Aatxe blinked. "What?"

"Snkkt—HAAAH!" Rainbow pointed at him while grinning at Lancie. "Priceless! I'm friggin' telling you!"

"Rrrrrrrrrghhh...!"

"No no no no—wait!" Rainbow Dash waved a hoof, eyes tearing again. "Aatxe, take a letter!"

"Huh?!"

"'Dear Princess Celestia! I found out today that puberty is magic—snkkkt—hahahahah!"

Lancie face-talon'd where he stood beside the pegasus.

Blood Fire sighed. "Big Boss, would you like me to eviscerate her alive and feed her entrails to the crows?"

"No! Darn it!" Aatxe's voice cracked again. "Mother left me in charge, and it's high time I made a sh-sho—ahemshow of it!" He hopped down onto the floor before his throne room. "So... you like laughing, my little pony?"

"Hah! You bet, my puny lizard!"

"Well, let's see how much you like screaming! BEHOLD!" He reached a talon out and—SWOOOOOOOOOOOSH—CLAMP!—the preserved spine full of shards flew into his tiny grip. "The Flame Staff!"

"Okay, dude..." Rainbow Dash stood up, smirking. "First of all, I do not scream on command. Second..." She pointed straight ahead. "...you're just a baby dragon carrying a bunch of shards... chaos shards. Chaos shards do... chaosy things! They sure as heck don't summon..." She blinked as the ring of fire dissipated around her, ribboning straight forward like a burning python. "...flames?"

"Feeling hungry, ya grass stain?" Aatxe stuck his tongue out and thrusted the burning staff in her direction. "Eat some of this!"

One dragon muttered to another: "I hate it when he says that."

Rainbow couldn't notice. She was too preoccupied with the murderous plume of bright red flame surging towards her.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww Luna poop."

Tipping the Scales

"Sparky, now might be a good time to do something—" Lancie's granite eyes suddenly bulged, for he was being lifted in two blue hooves and held as a shield against the incoming flame. "Something else! Something else!"

"Gnnnghhhhh!" Rainbow winced, tightening her body behind him.

"Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hahhhh!" Aatxe cackled maniacally, unleashing wave after wave of pure burning wrath on the pegasus' vulnerable figure. "Smell that? It's your own flesh roasting over an open fire! The fire of the Flame Staff—"

"Brother," Blood Fire droned.

"What?!" Aatxe looked aside. "Don't interrupt me when I'm monologuing before a burn victim!"

The elder broodling pointed a single claw.

"Huh...?" Aatxe squinted his red eyeslits. He gasped.

Lancie's tiny body was miraculously shielding the incoming flame. In fact, the tongues of fire split completely in two, like waves parting before an icebreaker's impenetrable brow.

"No way..." Gritting his chipped fangs, Aatxe withdrew the staff.

The flames dissipated, leaving "angel wings" of charred black soot on either side of the mare. Rainbow slumped to her haunches, gripping a dangling Lancie.

The statue stopped flinching. He studied the ashes collecting on his limbs, and he grinned with an exuberant gasp. "Eureka! Quick thinking, there, Sparky!" He winked over his shoulder. "It takes a piece of chaos to counteract chaos—!"

"Shhhh!" Rainbow bopped him on the head ("Ow!"). "Dork!"

"Oh... uhm..." Lancie winced. He could already hear the nearby dragons murmuring in shock from where stood, gawking at the scene. "... ... ...ooops?"

"Did... did that statue just talk?" Aatxe pointed, eyes widening. "Blood Fire! Brother! It's... it's..." His voice cracked more than once. "...it's it's it's—"

"A chaos shard. Indeed." Blood Fire snorted, his inquistive eyescales furrowed. The large dragon leaned in, studying the mare and her companion intensely. "And, from the looks of it, a considerably more powerful piece than any of the ones you have collected. Most curious..."

"To Tartarus with curiosity!" Aatxe growled. "A chaos shard is a chaos shard!" He stomped his foot. "And I must have it!"

"H-Hey, buddy... I'm flattered. Really." Lancie cleared his throat with a bashful smile. "But... hello? Statute of limitations? Whoah!" He fell to the ground. "Oof!"

Rainbow let go of him and marched forward. "No deal, Big Bozo!" She frowned as she stood before the statue. "I didn't come here to give this little guy to you! In fact, I came here to retrieve... those!" She pointed at the staff in his tiny grip—or more appropriately the shards attached to them. "They got tossed into the black market and then thrown all across Equestria by the wrong hooves! And it's high time they were restored in the most harmonic way possible!"

"Well, that's not going to happen!" Aatxe snarled. "These shards are mine! And I'm going to use them to collect what you have there... and then find all the rest of the pieces! Once they're all completely in my grasp, I'll rule the beastly lands and the morsel lands with an iron claw! Just like my mother always wanted!"

"And I need them to rescue a dying little filly who's been bitten by a rare kind of snake and if I don't get back soon enough she'll—"

PHWOOOOOOOOOMB!

Rainbow gasped and held Lancie up in time to block the incoming plume of flame. When the blast was over with, she looked up and growled: "QUIT IT!"

"Grrrrr!" Aatxe swung the staff in his grasp and snarled: "How about a deal?! We break that shard of yours in half. You keep the head while I keep the tail. And for such a sign of good trust, I'll fly this castle to the prancing pony lands and find a way to heal the stupid filly myself!"

Rainbow gawked at him, muzzle agape. "... ... ...what kind of a corn kernel crap spitting deal is that?"

"A pretty good one, all things considered!"

"Only a brain damaged kindergartener would agree to something so hare-brained!"

Aatxe raspberried and swung a dainty claw. "Heck, you ponies only live a blink of years compared to dragons anyways! What's holding onto half of a chaos shard mean to you in the long run anyways?"

"What are you gonna do with your half?" Rainbow smirked. "Use it as a stepping stool to reach the toilet?"

Lancie winced beside her.

"... ... ..." Aatxe glared. "... ... ...Blood Fire?" he droned.

The elder dragon tilted towards him. "Hmmm?"

"...eviscerate her alive and feed her entrails to the crows."

"Mmmmkay." Blood Fire turned towards her, mouth open wide. "HRESSHAAA!"

"Zoop time!" Lancie clenched his eyes shut, recoiling from the beast's shadow. "Zoop time!"

"Right!" Rainbow swept him up in her grasp and launched herself straight towards Aatxe.

Every dragon gasped.

"Guh!" Aatxe flinched, covering his eyes with one claw while waving the staff sissily above himself. FW-FW-FW-FWOOSH!

Rainbow used Lancie's body like a spearhead, sliced her way through the swaths of flames, and springboarded off Aatxe's stout shoulders. "ZOOP!" And she threw herself over the throne, threading the eye of a balcony ledge overlooking the chamber.

"The morsel!" one dragon shouted.

"She's getting away!" another pointed.

Blood Fire spun about, the crests around his neck flaring as he hissed and spread his mighty wings.

"After her!" Aatxe whimpered, pointing an angry claw. "And for the love of mother, don't smash through anymore—"

SMASSSSSSSH! Blood Fire plowed a fresh new hole in the ceiling as he threw his mighty muscles after the target. A half-dozen angry young broodlings soared through it.

Aatxe jumped up and down in place while debris fell all around him. "Rrrrrrrrgh!" He kicked uselessly at an errant pebble. "Fetch!"

Castle Dashers

"Omigoshomigoshomigosh..."

Panting, Rainbow Dash zig-zagged through the dim brick corridors of the castle. She jerked left and right, nearly bumping into random walls as the floating structure shook from the intense draconian chase on her tail.

"Omigoshomigoshomigoshomigosh!"

The corridor lit up. Rainbow could smell the brimstone from Blood Fire's imminent flame.

At the last second, she held her breath, backflipped, then flew straight up, sailing into a niched portion of the ceiling and pressing her tiny body to the edge of the alcove.

FW-FW-FW-FW-FWOOOOSH! The scaled bodies of her angry pursuers soared past her from below. After a full minute of leathery wrath, the dragons stopped blurring. The flamelight dimmed, and the rumbling lessened.

Rainbow slumped in place, catching her breath.

"Mrmmfmmfmff!" Lancie muttered.

"Oh..." Rainbow wheezed, releasing her tight grip of his mouth. "S-sorry..."

"Pftehhh..." He hung a granite tongue out. "Nice zooping," he managed with an exhausted smile.

"Yeah..."

"Stuck in a lair full of dragons who want to rip your bowels out and feed 'em to birds."

"Mmmmff... yeah..." Rainbow swiped her slick bangs back. "And to think..." She panted, smiling deliriously. "...I once worked my way up from quarry eels."

"Look, I'm just about as impatient for the next dinky chapter as any other pony..." Lancie gulped. "But how in the heck are you gonna pull yourself out of this one, Sparky?"

"Well..." Rainbow gulped. "I could... uh... circle west around the world at sonic rainboom speeds... reverse its rotation... and turn back time to a moment before dragons existed."

"What are you, stupid?"

"Well, I dun friggin' know, Lancie!" Rainbow hissed, practically shaking him. She peered down into the dark corridor while the castle rumbled in the distance. "I totally wanna try and grab that staff from Aatxe again, but not when it's Burn City!"

"That's what you get for doing a sneaking mission in the day time."

"Dude, this is no friggin' vacation."

"Not that anyone can blame you for failing to get the drop on someone named Big Boss." He shrugged. "By the way, that was pretty nifty."

"Uhhhh... when and where and how much?"

"I mean you sticking up for a 'garden gnome' like me earlier."

"Oh. Right. That." Rainbow gulped. "Look, it was for practicality's sake."

Lancie rolled his gray eyes. "How did I just know you were going to say that?"

"For realsies!" Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. "If you fall into the hooves... er... claws of Aatxe and his broodling brothers, we're done for! And I mean all of us! You. Me. Applejack. Apple Bloom. Noir. The Lunar Code. Luna. Celestia. Equestria. Digestia. The whole kitten kaboodle!"

"You know, for a pony who thinks occasionally about the big picture, you certainly rely on pinhole logic."

"Look, I'm trying my best here!" Rainbow took a deep breath. "I'd say we... ditch this place, make them think I've run for the hills like a true blue coward... and then come back when it's safer and darker and grab that staff when no dragon's looking!"

"That's... ... ..." Lancie eventually nodded. "... ... ...a rather sound plan, actually."

"Right." Rainbow plopped him back into her saddlebag and refastened it around her body. "Should be easy as pie so long as I don't run into any—"

CRASSSSH! Blood Fire's snarling face burst through the nearest wall of bricks, growling at her. "HRESSHAAA!"

"OH COME ON!" Rainbow dove just as his breath drew flame.

"ZOOP TWO!" Lancie yelped, clinging on for dear life. "THE REZOOPENING!"

In the shadow of the flying castle...

"Come on..." Romulus perched on a tree branch, peering up at the structure through his spyglass. "...come on!" He lowered the instrument, exhaling angrily through his beak nostrils. "She was friggin' invincible this whole time until now. If she dies to those flying lizards... we have nothing left to trace."

The griffon watched... watched... and sighed.

"Hmmm... then again, Aatxe and his brood would be making the job one step easier for me." He began to smirk.

Smasssssh! A big, burning hole exploded out the south side of the castle. A winged blue pegasus shot out, chased by two dozen rampaging dragons.

Romulus' smile instantly faded. "...well then."

FLASH! Sunset Shimmer appeared on the tree branch beside him. "Hey! Feathertool! Don Canter's stallions want to know if we're any closer to—HOLY SH—"

"GET DOWN!" Romulus plowed into her, and the two villains plunged just milliseconds before the chasing dragons' breaths incinerated the treetops.

FWOOOOOOMB!

Aerial Chase Scene, Now

Rainbow Dash looked behind her.

Blood Fire's massive wings occasionally blocked out the sun. With each flap, he and his fellow broodlings drew closer and closer to her windblown tail. After a few moments, he reared his neck back and launched a plume of flame at her figure.

"Grnnngh!" Rainbow rolled to the left—losing airspeed. She came within snapping distance of Blood Fire's jaws, and had to rotate to the right before his teeth could sink into her. CLACKKK! Kicking off his burning nostrils, Rainbow dove low and threaded her way through a dense forest of trees.

Blood Fire—in the meantime—flew up high, gained altitude, then took in a deep... deep... deep breath. After his lungs were full, he spat out an enormous barrage of fireballs. They impacted the earth in several dozen places, sending a veritable wall of flame surging after the pegasus.

Rainbow Dash held her breath and juked left and right, narrowly threading her way around tree trunks and over/under tree branches. This task grew more and more difficult as the wave of burning vegetation caught up with her.

All around, animals shrieked and dove out of hiding. Anything with wings took to the air in a panic while lesser creatures dug desperately into the earth for cover from the impending firestorm.

Lancie coughed and wheezed from the building smoke. "Now... m-might be the time to get some air, Sparky!"

"No way in heck!" Rainbow sputtered, eyes darting left and right. "That's just what he wants!"

"But—"

"Dude, look, I know a thing or two about dragon tactics!"

"Jee, I wonder why that is."

"For real, though!" Rainbow glanced at the statue in her saddlebag. "He just wants to flush me out of the woods so his little brothers can finish me off! Well, I'm not giving him the satisfaction!"

"What about my satisfcation?"

"Shut up! You can totally resist an open flame!"

"Yes, but it singes my complexion."

Rainbow's tail hairs curled from the murderous heat behind her. In her peripheal vision, blurring trees exploded one by one, bursting apart into puffs of ash and cinders.

"Notgoodnotgoodnotgoodnotgood...!" Rainbow hissed, squinting hard to see through the vaporous heat and debris. "Definitelynotgood!"

"Too bad you're not a statue too," Lancie said, his granite arms shrugging. "Although I'm sure your burnt fossil will resemble one—given several eons later when they dig you up from the mud—"

"Mud!" Rainbow's voice cracked.

"Eh?" Lancie jerked as Rainbow suddenly dipped down.

Fwooooosh! Barely outflying the flames, Rainbow dove towards a small patch of wet brown earth situated between the trees.

"It's worth a shot!" Rainbow stammered, dive-bombing.

"It's worth several!" Lancie retorted, already ducking into her bag. "Provided you can make it alive to a pub after this!"

Rainbow had no response, for she was far too busy with holding her breath. Then—like a torpedo—she plunged deep into the mucky layers of the miniature bog. Her back legs wriggled and struggled for a brief moment, but soon she plunged completely below. The mud closed up behind her just as the flames ripped across the tiny clearing.

PHWOOOOMB!

KAPOW!

Flames billowed through the forest.

Birds and shrieking wildlife ran through the underbrush, away from the fire.

Several thick brambles shook. Seconds later, a griffon and a unicorn came bursting through.

Romulus hovered close to the ground. Sweating, he tilted his head back and squinted up at the gray sky. His eye traced after the many leathery bodies and their burning breaths.

Sunset Shimmer, meanwhile, galloped ahead. "Crazy... this is absolutely crazy!" She gulped, her mane a frazzled mess as she hollered through the remaining forest. "How can one single mare upset so many friggin' factions?"

"She knows what she wants," Romulus grumbled. "And she isn't afraid of the consequences."

"So how come she isn't dead yet?!?" Sunset sputtered.

Romulus frowned under his beak. "I do not know."

Trunks exploded and branches snapped. The cacophonous sounds popped closer and closer. The heat in the immediate air picked up.

"Oh Goddess!" Sunset whimpered. "The fire! It's coming closer!"

Romulus' feathers ruffled. "Then you know what to do."

"But... in all this craziness, I-I don't even know if I can concentrate—!"

WHUMP! Romulus' talon gripped tightly around the mare's neck. "You will teleport us out of here or I will rip your brain out through your nostrils!" He sneered in her face. "Then where will your concentration be?"

Sunset's eyes twitched. "I... I-I..." She gulped. "I-I could accidentally materialize us deep into a mountain or—"

A wall of flame billowed through the trees, rushing towards them.

"Would you prefer the alternative?!" Romulus shouted.

"Okay..." Sunset clenched her eyes shut as her horn pulsed a bright blue. "Here goes nothing!"

"Quickly! Quickly—" Romulus yelled.

And then he said nothing, for he and the unicorn had vanished. Seconds later, the fires consumed the forest clearing where they had been standing.

Up above, Blood Fire had stopped gliding altogether. He hovered above the scene, squinting at the smoldering ruins of the forest with scrutinous eyeslits. Smoke billowed upward from every patch of foliage. But there was no sign of the prey.

He snorted, flames shooting out from his scaly nostrils. With a flap of his wings, he turned about and faced the floating castle.

"A diversion... the pony wants us away from Big Boss' lair," the elder broodling thought aloud. "She desires the shards, so no doubt she'll attempt infiltrating the castle again for them."

He gnashed his teeth, his tail lashing behind him. At last, he roared into the air, sending deep vibrations issuing out through the atmosphere in every direction.

The younger dragons stopped circling. They all faced him from afar.

He motioned with his claws. "Back to the castle! Every set of wings! Guard the Flame Staff at all costs!" With heavy wing flaps, he tore back the direction he came, piercing through the rising plumes of smoke. "The castle must make it to the Morsel Lands!"

With obedient growls and roars, the rest of the broodlings followed suit, flocking with such a dense formation that their wings blotted out the sunlight.

Far below, a patch of shadow swam over a forest clearing where the flames had baked a bed of mud into solid plaster.

All was silent—save for the crackling of embers.

Then, a full minute later...

KAPOW!

Rainbow Dash burst out from beneath the mud bed. She gasped for breath, shook her body, and shredded layers and layers of crumbling plaster.

"Blblblblbbb..." She coughed and sputtered, spitting up flakes of mud. "Ughhhh..." She batted the left side of her skull, then her right—shaking sediment out of her ears. "How in the heck could Rarity find this sort of stuff rejuvenating?"

Lancie stuck his head out of her soiled saddlebag, wheezing. "Well, one thing's for sure. It's never saved her life." His granite brow furrowed. "How did this work, exactly, anyway?"

"I'd rather enjoy it then question it." Rainbow tilted her head to the sky. "Looks like the dragons have buzzed off."

"Don't tell me that you will be chasing after them this time..."

"I'm not that stupid."

"Hmmmm..."

"Shut up." Rainbow flapped her wings and flew west, away from the Castle. "Lemme find a place that isn't burning so I can catch my senses."

"Better have a big net for that, Sparky."

For Those Who Weren't Yet Offended...

Rainbow discovered that she scarcely had the strength to flap her wings, much less fly straight. It certainly didn't help that her feathers were caked with partially baked mud. The mare couldn't ascend too high. Aside from not wanting to attract attention from the dragons, she simply couldn't gain much altitude.

Something had to be done. So, once she had cleared the layers of burning forest, she glided towards a clearing and practicaly crash-landed on the edge of a pond.

"Ooomf!" Rainbow grunted, pratfalling onto her chest.

"Nice landing there, Ace," Lancie droned. "Are you certain you didn't get some of that gunk inside your brain?"

"You're one to talk," Rainbow wheezed, crawling towards the pond's edge. "Would you rather be crucified to Aatxe's staff back there?"

"Don't confuse my sass for ungratefulness, Sparky," Lancie yawned, glancing skyward. "I'm just as glad to be out of the dwarfgon's den as you are."

SPLOOSH! Rainbow dunked her head in the pondwater, then yanked it back out. She tossed her slick mane hair back and began rubbing the mud off. "The what's den?"

"Dwarfgon. Y'know..." Lancie gestured. "Dwarf dragon."

"... ... ...you're running out of ideas," Rainbow droned.

"And you are running out of escape plans!" Lancie cackled. He folded his stone arms and frowned. "As if those shards weren't strictly guarded enough! Now that little scaly munchkin has got to be tripling security around the damnable thing!"

"I can handle it..."

"How?!" Lancie barked. "I know you want really really badly to save an ailing member of Apple Regalia, but boundless motive does not equate to boundless strength."

"Meh."

"You're throwing yourself at a flaming brick wall over and over again. While part of that may be noble, Sparky, it's not exactly conducive to living... much less saving the day."

"Just chillax..." Rainbow dunked her upper body again, gasped for air, and scrubbed the muddy flakes off. "I'll figure it out... mmm... somehow..."

"Would you mind sharing such crazy tactics with yours truly?"

"Once I come up with them, sure." Rainbow sighed. Her vision drifted up to a large squirrel perched on the branch of a tree overlooking them. "Heck, maybe I can ask the local wildlife."

The squirrel smiled. "And vat vould flying pony vant of vildlife?"

"GAAAAAIIEE!" FWOMP! Rainbow Dash fell back, legs curled up and shivering.

"Hah hah hahhhh!" The squirrel laughed, then slapped its knee. "Sat eez best, everytime!" He slid a pair of black goggles over his head, spread his arms, and glided down via furry wingflaps. Th-Thap! The large rodent landed besides the mare, picking up her tail and examining each colorful thread. "Hmmmm... pony haz seelky hair like fruit basket. Perhaps trade eet for drragon eenformation, da?"

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow Dash tilted her head up. "...Lancie, am I hallucinating talking squirrels now?"

"Depends, Sparky," Lancie mused. "Do most bushy-tailed things come in orange with freckles? Heheheh—hoboy!" His granite eyes bulged as he was lifted up in furry paws.

"Look at zees! Mageect from Morrsel Landz!" The flying squirrel turned Lancie over and over again, adjusting his goggles so he could examine the living statue closer. "Vill geeve pony ten acorns for eet. Nyet! Eight acorns!" The squirrel's whiskery face scrunched. "Mageectal talking rock smellz of mud and drragon poop! Bah!"

"I... think I got a bit too baked back there..." Rainbow slurred.

"I dunno..." Lancie frowned as he was turned over and over. "Can most hallucinations man-handle your traveling companion?"

"Uhhh..." Rainbow Dash sat up. "He's not for sail."

"Fine!" The squirrel leaned on Lancie like he was a staff. "Vill geeve pony eleven acorns for eet! Final offer!"

"Dude... acorns are—like—for chipmunks!"

"Chipmunks?!?" The squirrel spat hard on the ground and tossed Lancie into her grasp. "Pox upon pony's mozer!" He turned and lifted his tail at her. "Should toss herrself een grreat burning poop lake for even mentieening ze bastards! No acorns for pony!" He scurried up a tree and took off, gliding through the forest. "And to sink Brucie vas going share superr secrret castle eenformation too!"

"Huh? Wait!" Rainbow Dash scampered to her hooves, plopped Lancie into her bag, and spread her wings. "Super secret castle information? Hold up!"

Tradition? (Tradition!)

"Leave flying squirrel be!" Brucie hollered over his bushy tail as he jumped from branch to branch. His goggles reflected a horizon full of burning trees in the distance. "Go back to Mageectal Morrsal Landz of horrse cuddlez and peekneeks! At least zere pony haz all cheepmunks can huff, da?"

"Dude! Enough with the friggin' chimpunks!" Rainbow glided over and above tree branches in her desperate pursuit. Despite her speedy gift of flight, she found it hard to even keep up with the curious creature. "About what you said earlier! Can you really give me information on the dragons?" She huffed, puffed, and panted. "Like... how to get into their Castle without being seen?"

The squirrel paused to perch on a lofty branch. He took a long, deep breath, smiling under his goggles. "Ahhhhh... doez pony smell zat? Ze lovely pony smell frragrrant pine zcent in air?"

"Erm... the forest is totally burning to ashes around us, dude."

"Da! And whose fault izzat?!" The large rodent spat in her face. "Ze idiot pony whoze already been eenside squirrel castle! Vhy zhould Brucie help pony who zhinks zhe can eenfiltrate floating lair on her own?! Nyet!" He flew off, wing-flaps rippling again in the wind. "Go start more fires elsevhere in land of clop clop!"

"Hold on..." Rainbow grimaced. "Did... did you just... hey!" She floundered in her attempts to keep up with him, dodging burning ashes as her pursuit took them on a path that skirted the burning patches of forest. "Did you just call that place the 'squirrel castle?'"

"Da. But zat iz no concern of pony." Brucie shook his head as he leapt from tree to tree. "Zhe doezn't have money for eenformation, so Brucie haz no eenformation for pony!"

"Okay, so I didn't bring any bits with me—"

"Bits! Bah! Bars?! Bah! Gil—"

Rainbow flung her wings with a massive burst of air, finally managing to fly backwards directly in front of him. "But—!" She glared into his whiskery face. "—instead of bits, what about service?"

Brucie lingered on the branch of a burning tree. He folded his paws and glared at the hovering mare. "Fine. Brucie eez leestening..."

Rainbow's brow furrowed as she said, "All I want from the Castle is a certain staff full of rocks that the dragons have."

"Da. Flame Staff."

"You... you know about it?"

"Pffft!" Brucie spat into the burning forest beneath them. "Of courrse Brucie doez! Eez reason vhy drragons drrove squirrels out of squirrel castle! Vhy, eef Brucie had Flame Staff, Brucie vould drrive drragon poop out zhrough drragon mouth! Zen ve see who drrinks whoze filth! Hah!"

"Look, I don't particularly care who the Castle actually belongs to," Rainbow said. "Obviously Big Boss got it through magical means... chaotic magical means. Now, I don't know my way around the place, and I admit it. That's kinda sorta the reason why I failed so horribly at sneaking into the lair to begin with. But... if you can help me sneak through it, then I promise to rid Aatxe of his Flame Staff and then everything should come falling back into your paws... erm... right...?"

Brucie stroked his furry chin. "Doez pony actually expect Brucie have faith een such stupeed plan?"

"Look, dude. You're—like—the size of a hippo fart." Rainbow frowned. "And that's coming from a pony whom the powers at be love to call 'petite.'" She pointed up at the floating shadow high above them. "That thing's been hanging over your head for—what—how long? And you still haven't managed to lasso it back down? Something tells me you're not getting any closer to reclaiming your 'squirrel castle' on your own. So... y'know... don't look a gift pegasus in the mouth. I'm making an offer here. My help for your Flame Staff. No acorns attached." She held a hoof out. "So whaddya say?"

Brucie looked at her hoof, then at her. He then produced a cigar from seemingly nowhere, casually lit it against the burning tree next to him, and took a mighty puff. Exhaling, the sentient squirrel allowed the smoke to fog up his goggles, and then he smiled—his incisors showing.

"Da... pony makes good offer. Very good, Brucie zhinks."

"Then it's a deal?"

He waved a paw. "Veel have to run eet by Mozer first."

"Huh?" Rainbow blinked awkwardly, leaning back. "'Mother?'"

"Come!" Brucie took off, his cigar forming a vaporous trail as he soared through the forest canopy. "Follow Brucie to underground squirrel burrow! Vill have much discuss! And nuts, da? Honey and rroasted! Hah! Quickly, pony! Before sun sets on seessy seelk fur!"

Shanghay Knights

"I must say, Sparky, I'm rather proud," Lancie said.

"Huh?" Rainbow Dash managed to say. Breathless, she struggled to flip, vault, and climb her way through the mess of charred black tree branches in her diligent pursuit of the sentient flying squirrel. Up ahead, Brucie flung himself from trunk to trunk like an agile monkey. "Make it quick, Lancie. I'm kinda in the middle of rodent diplomacy."

"That's just it." Lancie clung to her shoulders, bearing a fanged smirk. "You're only ten minutes into recuperating from the fact that a chain-smoking sentient tree rat has actually talked to you. But, instead of screaming your head off, you're actually going out of your way to strike a deal with the scraggly thing."

"I'm in a desperate place, Lancie," Rainbow muttered. She huffed and puffed, frowning at her sweaty self in mid-glide. "I already had to turn tail and run like a lame idiot up there in Aatxe's lair. If I don't find a way to double-back soon, then I'll be wasting even more valuable time."

"And just what makes you think that these thick-tongued rascals have any proper assistance to lend with Dragongate?"

"Dude... think back!" Rainbow hissed. "When we were sneaking through the Castle, just minutes before dropping in on Big Boss and his even bigger brother Blood Fire..."

"Yeah...?"

"We totally stumbled upon a bunch of crazy-lookin' trees, right? Sticking out like sore thumbs inside the dimly-lit chambers?" Rainbow managed a brief smirk. "How much you wanna bet that the tiny wooden structures built on those tree branches were totally the homes to Brucie here and his buck-toothed cousins in hiding?"

"Hmmmmm..."

"See? It's not crazy at all!" Rainbow grinned, following Brucie deeper and deeper into the darker undergrowth of the forest. "So far, I'm seeing this whacky picture painted before my eyes. Ages ago, some ancient race built a super huge castle. Then these squirrel folks moved in. Then Aatxe got the pieces of you, assembled the Flame Staff, and used it to steal himself a wicked cool floating lair. Brucie and a bunch of other squirrels were living there n'stuff, so he kicked them out! Now... just how badly do you think they want to get back in?"

"Badly enough to help you sneak back into the lion's den," Lancie droned. "The scaly fire-breathing winged lion's den."

"Precisely."

"So it's a lot more sensical than I initially thought," Lancie said, rubbing his chin. "Albeit really stupid."

"Hey." Rainbow shrugged. "I didn't write the story."

"Well, while we're on the topic of stupid things, mind if I say something stupider?"

"Meh. What's it gonna hurt at this point?"

"I know that things are pretty intense and all, what with you crushing very hard for an unobtainable mare, a little filly dying slowly of snake venom somewhere, and an entire legion of angry dragon punks trying to burn your fur off..."

"Uh huh..." Rainbow groaned.

Lancie smiled. "But I want you to know that this has all turned out to be a crazy chaotic adventure, and I'm having the time of my life just spending it with you, Sparky."

"Mmmm... Lancie...?"

"Yes?"

"That was really, really stupid."

Lancie chuckled.

Rainbow exhaled through her nostrils. And yet, as she spelunked into a deep hole after the smoking squirrel, the hint of a smirk showed along the corners of her fuzzy cheeks.

Just Roll With the Punches

"Must be said!" Brucie flicked the stubby remains of his cigar into the deepest niche of the burrow and led Rainbow onward into the shadowy recesses of the earth. "Ve don't get many veeseetorz from Morsel Lands! Flocks of birds and brreezie horses, da! But dey queeckly become food for drragonz! Especially breezie vones! Snap like screaming popcorn! HAH!"

"I... don't even remotely know what you're talking about," Rainbow droned, her voice echoing against the dangling roots and stalactites.

"Den pony ees better off!" Brucie reached an apparent dead end of wet mossy earth. "Even steell, eez first time Brucie brrought back leeving customer home!"

"Huh? Customer?" Rainbow's brow furrowed. "I didn't promise to pay you for anything, dude!"

"So pony sayz!" Brucie shrugged, adjusting his goggles. "But pony haz fat fuzzy cheeks! Could be hiding many acorns yet! Da? Da!" He held a single paw up, cleared his throat, then leaned in towards the wall of earth. He slapped his bushy tail against it three times in a rhythmic fashion.

Rainbow and Lancie craned their necks, staring.

Brucie huffed. He slapped his tail against the wall again.

More silence.

"Nnnngh..." Brucie grumbled to himself in a thick, undiscernible tongue. Rolling his goggled eyes, he finally barked: "For love of Saint Petersbrittle, Vladimir! Eez Brucie! Open damn door or veell brreak your eencisors!"

A tiny, rectangular hole slid open. A pair of beady black eyes stared out. "Brucie. Say passvord."

"For last time, Mozer deedn't geeve us passvord!" Brucie spat. "Stop trrying show off Vladimir! Dere eez nobody be eempressed!"

The pair of eyes blinked in Rainbow's direction. "Brucie brrought morsel horse. Dere eez someone. Da?"

"Vhat eez dees, Vladimir?" Brucie gestured. "Eez about pine cone? How zhould Brucie know eet vas yours?"

"Eet vas seester's pine cone, not Vladimir's," the squirrel droned. "And steell need passvord."

"Vladimir..." Brucie tightened his goggles and cracked the joints in his neck. "Have ten secondz before Brucie reaches srough dere and reeps nuts out nostreels!"

"Brucie talks beeg, but ve steell must follow Mozer's rrulez."

"And seence vhen haz Vladimir cared for protocol? Dat pine cone smelled all over vith squirrel peess!"

The rodent o the other side growled. "Vladimir knew eet! Drragon humping bastard!"

"Da!" Brucie raised his paws like fists. "Come out and brring eet, cheepmunker!"

"... ... ...say passvord first, Brucie."

"Uggggghhh..." Brucie slumped—tail and ears and all. "Brucie swears! Vladimir eez breaking Brucie's ballz!"

"Brucie haz been out on patrol too long, Vladimir sinks."

"Uhhhh..." Lancie leaned forward with a crooked grin. He raised a single granite talon. "Is the password 'vodka?'"

"Huh?" Rainbow's muzzle twisted as she looked up at the statue. "'Vodka?'"

Vladimir's eyes darted at her. "Da. Morsel horse haz got eet." The slat slid shut. Then, with a deep wooden creak, a fat muddy door swung open on rusted hinges. Vladimir gestured into an enormous subterranean cavern filled with wooden lattices crawling all over with rodents of all shapes, sexes, and sizes.

"Eeeeeughhh..." Rainbow Dash face-hoofed. "Seriously... Seriously?"

"Hey!" Lancie shrugged. "It was worth a stab."

"No," Rainbow lowered her hoof, frowning. "No, it wasn't."

"Steef upper leep, fuzzy pony!" Brucie smirked back at her as he scurried on ahead. "Just made Brucie's day much easier, da? Defineetely veel bring horse to Mozer! Half-discount!"

Rainbow Dash marched after her. "Can I at least know who this 'Mother' is before I give into the sham?"

"Zhe eez source of strength for all squirrel kind!" Vladimir said, shutting the door behind her. "Brrought Vladimir and brothers here after drragonz stole squirrel castle!"

"I didn't ask you," Rainbow grumbled. She gazed around at the complex bridges and wooden structures serving as the support strats to innumerable squirrel-sized huts and houses. Torchlight flickered, illuminating the faces of many beady-eyes gawking at her strange figure. "Look at this friggin' place..."

"Would you rather have spiders?" Lancie mused.

"No." Rainbow shuddered. "But still... can't believe how we even got into this place."

Lancie shrugged. "My second guess was gonna be 'bear wrestling.'"

"Bless my eencisorz!" Vladimir gasped. "You know last veek's passvord too?!"

"Guhhhh!" Rainbow rolled her eyes, wings slumping. "I think I was better off with the dragons."

"Ahem..." Lancie coughed as several squirrels climbed closer, reaching out to poke and prod at his granite structure. He clung closer to Rainbow's center-of-gravity. "Sick filly back home, remember?"

"Eugh..." Rainbow shuffled ahead, batting away a through paws as the rodents closed in, desperate to examine the living statue on her backside. "The stuff I put up with, I swear..."

"Come! Come, pony!" Brucie gestured as he scampered on ahead, leading the way towards where a large wooden fort had been constructed against the torch-lit rear of the earthen burrow. "Mozer avaits! Den we can talk business, da?"

"Oh, we'll talk something alright," Rainbow grumbled as she flapped her wings to catch up with him. "Just... not sure I'll like any of the bits I manage to understand."

"That's what makes it fun!" Lancie chirped.

"Meh."

Live Free Or Dash Hard

"Rremember..." Brucie raised a single paw as he led Rainbow Dash to a hanging canvas flap at the front entrance of the underground wooden fort. "Pony only speaks vhen first spoken to by Mozer. Do not look Mozer deerrectly een eyez. Pony eez here by Mozer's grrace alone. Do not look Mozer deerrectly een eyez."

"But... you said that last part twice already," Rainbow muttered.

"So long as Brucie don't forget, den pony shouldn't forget either, da?"

"Uhhhhhhh—"

"Let Mozer brring up drragon problem first. Eez senseeteeve topic for Mozer. Lost many squirrelz seence srown out of Castle."

"Ah jeez, that sucks."

"Da. Mozer rregretz sendeeng dem out to gaser peanuts durring scorpion season. Ahem." Brucie knocked on the wooden frame of the entrance. Two other large rodents stuck their smoky faces out.

"Vhat eez et?"

"Ivan. Sergei." Brucie smiled and bowed low. "Brucie brrings posseeble solution to drragon problemz."

"Eez seez anozer proposal for flaming dung catapult?"

"Nyet!" Brucie stood up, frowning through his incisors. "Brucie haz moved far past dung catapult!" He pointed at Rainbow. "See? Flying pony frrom Morsel Landz! Verry real! Much serious beezneez! Now go vake up Mozer!"

"Mrmmfff... fine... but eez Brucie's funeral."

"Da. Alwayz eez Brucie's funeral," Brucie said with a sigh. He looked back at the pegasus, shrugging his furry shoulders. "Ehhh... poleeteeshuns, da?"

"Sure. Whatever." Rainbow fidgeted in place.

Lancie whispered in her ear. "You're taking this rather well."

"Dude... at least they're not screaming buffalo with a penchant for giving me concussions."

"Huh?"

Rainbow sighed. "Long story. Before we met."

"I... think I'd very much like to hear this story."

"Shhh..." Rainbow hushed the statue as a group of squirrels finally motioned her and Brucie in. "I think we're about to meet Princess of the Nut Farm." BONK! She hit her head on the tiny doorframe. "Augh! Sonuva—"

"Vatch your head, pony!"

"Yeah yeah..." Rainbow rubbed her skull, finally ducking into the dimly lit room. "I got the... message." She blinked, her eyes suddenly sparkling. "Whoah..."

In sharp contrast to the drab, rustic sights of the subterranean township outside—the interior of the fort was filled to the brim with all manner of gold trinkets, shiny treasures, and bejewelled artifacts. Brucie's tiny figure was swallowed up by the immeasurable heap of valuable knick-knacks.

"It... it almost..." Rainbow purred, strolling past the piles of gleaming things. "...almost looks like—"

"A dragon hoarde," Lancie remarked.

Rainbow nodded. "Seems like these varmints made off with as much as they could when they were driven out of the castle." She gulped. "I bet the dragons have as much a beef with them as they do with the dragons."

"Highly unlikely," rolled a matriarch's voice from across the chamber. "Seeing as dey took much of my childrren from me."

Rainbow looked straight ahead.

A wrinkled rodent with gray skin and an even grayer tail squatted in the center of a lopsided throne that was ten times too big for her—much less for Rainbow Dash. Her eyes were pure white, and she gazed straight ahead.

"Please, strranger... come into light so I can see you."

"... ... ..." Rainbow blinked. She glanced at Lancie. Lancie glanced at her.

"Are you dere, pony?" the matiarch repeated, squinting straight ahead.

"Ahem..." Brucie stifled a hissing growl. "Stand vhere Mozer can see you..."

Rainbow fidgeted. Squirmed. At last, clearing her throat, she shuffled forward, standing directly in front of the tiny she-squirrel.

"Hmmm..." The leader's eyes twitched behind her thick cataracts. "A vittle bit closer, da?"

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash side-stepped so that she was off center.

The old squirrel smiled. "Da... eez more like eet." She reached a paw out to Rainbow's left. "Velcome to my humble burrow, Morsellander."

Rainbow bit her lip. Using her wingtips for counter balance, she leaaaaned over, stretched a hoof out, and shook the tiny matriarch's hoof. "Uhhhh... pleasure's all mine, Miss..."

"Dhey call me Mozer Rushnut."

"Mozer Rushnut!" Brucie chanted boldly—as did every other living squirrel within ear shot.

"Gaaah!" Thwomp! Rainbow pratfalled completely, her muzzle grimacing.

"Ah." Lancie smiled. "Here we go."

Ah, Snap, Son

"Is dere prroblem, pony child?" asked the blind matriarch.

"Nnngh..." Rainbow pushed herself back onto four hooves. "Okay. A bit of explanation is in order. Let's cut to the quick." She narrowed her eyes. "That floating castle place. Is it yours or isn't it?"

"Da." She nodded from her throne, white eyes curving melancholically. "Our vondrrous castle on a mountain. Stolen by drragon meenace."

"But... like... the hallways and corridors are way too big for you," Rainbow Dash said. "It's too big even for the likes of me! If you didn't build it, then who did?"

"Hmmmmm..." The squirrel leaned back in her large throne. "...ghostly anzhientz... crreatures who valked tall and built taller..."

"Old squirrel legend," Brucie spoke up, pointing at his head. "Anzhient crreatures vere lonely, so dhey bueelt squirrels beeger brainz, vheech made generateeonz of squirrels like me posseeble... also Mozer Rushnut."

"MOZER RUSHNUT!" every guard and every sentry in the throne room shouted.

Rainbow winced—especially when the subterranean town behind her echoed the same chant. "Guhhh..." Shifting the weight of her saddlebags, she took a step forward. "Right. Cool. Whatever. But how did Aatxe and the rest of his brood take over the castle?" Her brow furrowed. "Was it by using the Flame Staff?"

"Vhat?" the matriarch blinked blindly.

"Y'know... the big spinal staff thingy with all the granite sh—" Rainbow stopped on a dime, rolling her eyes. "Why am I describing it to you...?"

"Drragon leader haz burning scepter een possesseeon." The old squirrel nodded. "Dees much Mozer knows. Also knows dat so called 'Beeg Boss' uses eet to make prreceeous castle fly." She shook her head. "Dees sings not lost to Mozer Rushnut."

"MOZER RUSHNUT!"

Rainbow winced again. "So... like... haven't you tried infiltrating his place? At all?"

"Vonce... maybe twice..." The elder leaned back with a sigh. "But too dangerous. Too many of Mozer's cheeldren sent early to the gates of St. Petersbrittle. Ve have been een vait for best time to strike drragon gates."

"Well..." Rainbow gestured at herself. "What if I'm your opportunity, huh?" She grinned. "I've already tried infiltrating the castle, and though I wasn't entirely successful... well... take a look!" She winked. "I made it out alive, didn't I?"

"Hmmmm..." the elder scratched her chin, then tilted her head to the side. "Brucie, eez deez correct?"

"Mmmm... da... nyet..." The goggled squirrel shrugged. "Only saw pony as zhe escaped burning forest." His whiskers shook. "But doez have smell of drragon on her tail, da?"

"Look, my biggest mistake was thinking that—by getting the drop on them—I could intimidate these scaly dudes," Rainbow said. "But now that I know who's in charge of what, I think I can take control of the situation!" She pointed through the ceiling. "The biggest problem—in fact, the only problem—is some insanely big dude called Blood Fire. If you ask me, he's the only member of Aatxe's brood that matters. I've heard enough to realize that not every dragon is hunky-dory with Aatxe's leadership. He is a little shrimp of a guy, after all, and I'm willing to bet that if Blood Fire was in charge, they'd all give up on the stup—er... I mean super awesome flying castle and just fly off for greener pastures." She blinked. "Or... y'know... brittle, burnt, charcoal-black pastures. Whatever it is that dragons dig."

"Hmmmmm..." Brucie smoothed his tail back and smiled up at the throne. "Ees daring business pony, da? Brucie knowz he brrought her down here for reason!"

"You called der mageect tool a 'Flame Staff,'" Mother remarked. "Haz pony seen eet?"

"Da... er... I mean yes." Rainbow nodded. "And, what's more, I'm certain I have the power to cancel out its... erm... power." She gulped. "I just gotta get close enough to it in order to fiddle around and figure out how its chaos energy ticks."

"And vhy zhould I trust you to help us een any vay?" The elder's white eyes narrowed. "Vhat good can you brring Mozer Rushnut?"

"MOZER RUSHNUT!"

"Quit it!" Rainbow hissed. Composing herself, she sighed, then said, "Look... I know it's a gamble, but if we work together, I'm certain we can make a way for both of us to win this scenario. You'll get your castle back... I'll get my staff... the dragons get to buzz off to wherever they'll be of better use." She shrugged. "Win win win!"

"Hmmmm... so you vant us to work together?"

"Errr... yeah..."

"Funny..." The Mother tilted her head to the right. "Dat eez vhat otherz said too."

"Huh...?" Rainbow turned to look.

Two figures—escorted by surly rodents—shuffled into the torchlight.

"No! For the last time, I don't want to sell you my tail!" Sunset Shimmer snarled, bucking at the clambering creatures. "It would look like crud on you anyway—" Her eyes settled on Rainbow, and the pupils shrunk to penpricks. "Derp?"

"Rainbow," Romulus hissed.

Rainbow dragged her scuffling hoof. "Romulus."

"Now... uhm... Sparky..." Lancie stuck out of her saddlebag. "Before you lose your ever smexy cool—"

"Yaaaaaaaaugh!" Rainbow Dash and Romulus charged each other violently across the subterranean throneroom.

Not the Title Match, But an Incredible Simulation

Multiple thuds resonated off the walls of the subterranean fort.

Outside, every squirrel paused in mid-scurry. The cave's inhabitants peered curiously from their platforms and suspended wooden huts.

CRASH! Rainbow Dash and Romulus came bursting out through a chunk of wooden planks. Wrestling in mid-air, their bodies barreled across the rocky cavern until they slammed against an array of wooden lattices.

The structure's foundation groaned, then gave way. The top half of it teetered over precaiously. A family of squirrels chirped in fear and dove out of their wooden hut in the nick of time. THUDDD!

Rodent residents went scampering in every direction, trying to outrun a debris cloud swarming their way. As the dust settled, the rubble shifted... stirred... and then—POW!—Romulus' body went sailing backwards out of the mess.

"Gaaaaaiiie—!" He flew into a stalactite, cracking the rocky shard up its center. Grunting, he shook the cobwebs off and glared down at the debris below him.

Rainbow Dash was already taking off, charging up at him with a hoof held back, ready to blow. "What in Celestia's name are you doing here, bird brain?!?"

In one breath, Romulus deflected her ascent with a talon, spun around the stalactite, and snapped its sharp bottom-half off. Crack! "Killing you! Raaaaugh!" He dove at her, swish-swish-swishing the chunk of stone between them like a club.

Rainbow flew backwards, tossing her head left and right to avoid the blows. At one point, Romulus lunged too far and she grabbed his arms with her forelimbs. "Hkkk!" She headbutted his skull, flipped backwards, then knocked the stalactite piece out of his grip with a reverse bicycle kick.

The stone shard flew up—Ping!—deflected off the ceiling—swisssssh!—and flew towards the cavern floor at a violent angle.

Through the fresh hole in the fort's wall, Sunset Shimmer emerged, charging her horn. "Don't worry, Romulus!" She gnashed her teeth while aiming up at the midair battle. "Just say the word and I'll zap all her feathers off—" WHAM! The shard slammed into her body, sailing her back into the throne room. "Ooof!"

Several squirrels scampered out, waving their paws and tails.

"Nyet! Nyet!"

"Morselanders! Stop eet!"

"You vill brring eentire cave down!"

"She started it!" Romulus growled, wrestling with the mare. "Her and her nosy, shard-stealing self-righteousness!" She slammed her up against a wall.

"Ooomf!" Rainbow winced, struggling against him. "I started it?! You're the one bombing Noir's headquarters and trying to slit the throat of everything in sight! Raaaaugh!"

Rainbow shoved hard, flapping her wings and flying the two of them through row after row of wooden squirrel huts on pedestals. Sm-Sm-Smasssh! The residents below barked and chattered, running for cover. In the end, Romulus grabbed her tail and flung her hard against a horizontal wooden beam. Thwump!

"So you are in league with the Lunar Code!" Romulus' one eye glinted. Schiiing! He produced a dagger and stabbed at her flank. "I'll be sure to feed you to them—!"

CLANK! Lancie stuck out of her saddlebag at the last second, blocking his blade with two granite forelimbs. "Hi! Mind if I change the menu?"

"What the—?!" Romulus leaned back. "The shard—!"

WHAM! Rainbow's hoof slammed up into the griffon's crotched. "Grnnngh!" She twirled like a gymnast from the bar, planted her hooves against it, then propelled herself towards his writhing figure.

The assassin recovered with surprising ease, whipping out another dagger. Sch-schiiing!

"Sparky, he's not here to spread butter—Whoah!" Lancie gasped as Rainbow gripped him in the crook of her hoof.

Clank! Cl-Clank! Clang! The two swordfought in the air, with Romulus flinging his dagger and Rainbow Dash utilizing Lancie.

"All this time... you've been a mere puppet of chaos..." Romulus snarled, nevertheless backing up from Rainbow's swashbuckling advances. "...did you ever truly... truly think you were in control of this power?"

"I'm willing to wing it, so long as I know I'm using the power for good!" Rainbow's voice cracked.

"Hey... uh..." Lancie winced and jolted, smiling awkwardly as sparks flew off his pounded body. "I know this might be a bad time and all, but—" Clank! Cl-Clang! "—anyone remember the name of that one blond actor dude in the Alicorn Bride? I'm suffering the biggest brain fart for some reason—"

"You'll suffer even worse!" Romulus whipped out a second dagger and pressed them both forward.

CLACK! Lancie went flying loose from Rainbow's grip.

"Lancie—!" Rainbow gasped.

"Don't mind me, Sparky!" Lancie plunged towards the fort below. "Stay on target!"

In the structure's doorframe, Sunset stood up once more, groaning dizzily. "Unnngh... Romulus... did... urp... did you eviscerate her yet—?" WHAMMMM! Lancie plowed into her skull, knocking her unconscious.

"Whoah there! Really like your mane!"

Meanwhile—

"Haaaaugh!" Romulus dove forward with both blades.

Rainbow caught his talons with her fetlocks and pulled down. The two were forced muzzle to beak as they wrestled for midair dominance.

"Rnnnghhh..."

"Grnkkk-kk!"

"Those... shards... are mine!" Romulus hissed.

"You... can't... have them!" Rainbow snarled back.

A shrill whistle.

Both combatants looked down.

"Zdravstvujtye, comrades," Brucie said. He happened to be holding a large black rifle about three times the size of his own body. Electrical energy bolts flickered out of the weapon's barrels. "Perhaps noteece dees K-3000 Hyperpowered Electreecal Boomsteek. Dere are many like eet, but dis vone ees Brucie's." He then took aim and fired. Bzzzzttt!

A bolt of mana-powered lightning flew up and impacted Romulus' figure. Every feather of the griffon stood on end. After a muffled groan, the assassin fell—unconscious—to the cave's floor below. Thud! "Euuugh..."

Flying by herself, Rainbow exhaled with relief. "Whew! Good shot, there, Theodore!" He smiled down at Brucie. "For a second there, I almost thought he had skinned my—" Bzzzzzttt! Rainbow's hair stuck out as she wriggled from a second electrical blast. "Phweeeeeee..." She fell and landed in a sparkling heap besides Romulus. Whud!

"Hmmmff..." Brucie blew the smoke out of his weapon's barrels. "Have fight een Brucie's Mozer's house? Not eef Brucie haz anysing say 'bout eet!" He spat on the floor. "Nyet!"

Inb4 QTE

"Mmmfff..." Rainbow Dash grimaced, coming to. She smelled the dank confines of a claustrophobic alcove surrounding her. Water trickled somewhere nearby, echoing across the walls with errant drops of moisture. Her muzzle flexed, wriggled, and went slack with a sigh. "Darn squirrels," she muttered to herself. "Of all the time to do Benjamin Flanklin target practice..."

"You brought this upon yerself, sugarcube."

Rainbow's eyes flew open. Dazedly, she looked to her left... then to her right. All she saw was barren rock. The slightest hint of torchlight squeezed in from somewhere, casting an even dimmer shadow of a stalactite hanging above the mare.

"Mrmmf..." Rainbow clenched her teeth. She heard a haunting whisper, and at last she stared down.

A drop of water fell from the stalactite, splashing into a shallow puddle. Once the waves have spread and settled, an orange face stared up at her, frowning, full of freckles.

"You shoulda saved my sister by now," the mare said, green eyes hard like daggers. "Instead, ya flew away from them dragons like a coward, and now you've fallen into the company of crazed tree rats."

Rainbow fumed. She looked away, huffing and puffing in anger. The ache of her skull gave way to a burning fury.

The mare in the puddle merely smirked. After another drop of water, her muzzle reformed just in time to say: "You know, there are times when I reckon yer too much of a scaredy-cat to even lurve me proper." Her nostrils flared. "What kind of potion do ya have to fix that, Rainbow Crash?"

Rainbow snarled: "Shuddup! You're not real!" She kicked at the puddle, splashing the rock wall opposite her with cold water droplets. "And even if you were... marefriend or not... I think you'd be a tad bit more friggin' supportive, fake-AJ!"

"Grffff..." A raspy voice growled from behind Rainbow's back. "The Hell are you rambling about now, soft-hooves?"

"None of your business, Romulus," Rainbow muttered. "Nothing that a little bit of time and fresh air can't—" Her eyes flew wide open. She looked over her shoulder.

The beaked profile of a startled griffon looked back at her.

"You!"

"You!"

Rainbow jumped up to her hooves—only she didn't. Thud! "Ooomf!" She fell flat on her rump, wincing. Something thick and heavy was tied to her back—and that something was Romulus.

"Grnnngh... hrnkkkt!" The griffon struggled and fought to break himself free of the bindings that had fastened him tail-to-flank with the pegasus. "Oh... great! Wonderful!" He spat over his shoulder. "Lean your head over this way so I can bite your ear off, manure bag!"

"Not if I bite your lobes off first, ya melon fudge!"

"Griffons don't have ear lobes!"

"Super!" Rainbow grunted and twisted in her binds. "I love a ch-challenge! Rrrrgh!"

"Raaugh!"

From the collective struggle of both prisoners, they ultimately fell flat onto the ground, rolling from side to side in their bindings. After a full minute of floundering, they collapsed against a stalagmite... panting... resting back to back just as firmly as before.

"I should have gutted you back in Ponyville when I had the chance!" Romulus snarled.

"And I should have shattered your beak instead of letting you go free as a bird back in Dredgemane!"

"Hey! I lost tons of gold thanks to your curse of selective amnesia, glue stick!"

"Murderer!"

"Princess huffer!"

"D'uhm... guhhh..." Rainbow huffed, puffed, red-in-the-face. "Bird-person who... st-stares at goats!"

Romulus one good eye narrowed. "...huh?"

"Well... uh... you northern griffons live in the mountains, r-right?"

"So?"

"Just know that you're a jerky jerk-face, ya jerk!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "Why in Celestia's name did they tie us together like this anyways?!"

"I've been studying their social strata quite carefully. The way that they stash highly advanced technology in the deepest pockets of this cave. Their high intelligence and shocking aptitude for militant adaptability..." Romulus cracked the joints in his neck and hissed, "I have every reason to believe that they are the direct result of genetic manipulation, courtesy of an ancient progenitor race that once ruled these lands, unrestrained by classical paradigms of scientific morality."

Silence.

"Dude..." Rainbow grunted. "They're just... stupid marble-mouthed squirrels with boomsticks."

"Well, I'd very much like to see what you have contributed to this entire mess!" Romulus's beak clattered. "Aside from hoarding all of the shards for yourself and dragging my associate and I to this horrid mess!"

"Just what were you and that bacon-haired hussy doing here in the first place?"

"Never you mind."

"You had to take shelter from Aatxe's brood and their burninating, didn't you?"

"Never you mind!"

"Hrmmmm..." Rainbow grumbled, staring at the dank wall in front of her. "...and just when I started to get a fix on things too... including this 'Mother Rushnut' crud..."

An orange face smiled in the coalescing puddle beneath her. "The only thang ya need to fix is yer head, dear." A guffawing laugh. "It's just so plum vacant in here, too!"

"Rrrrgh!" Rainbow kicked at the puddle again. "Don't you start!"

"What in Tartarus' name are you rambling on about now?!"

Rainbow was about to respond when—all of the sudden—a rickety wooden door opened, filling the chamber with blinding torchlight.

"Wassuppppp?" cooed an amused voice.

Rainbow blinked blearily, staring into the bright yellow doorframe. "Lancie...?"

It's The Squirrel Train, Baby

"You like it?" Lancie said, his granite eyes glistening from the sharp angle of torchlight wafting into the room. It took Rainbow a few seconds of squinting to realize that he was modeling a tiny fur coat. "According to this really sauve fellow named 'Boris,' it keeps them warm whenever the Frost Dragons visit from the south."

"Whose brother did the squirrels skin to give you that friggin' thing?" Rainbow wheezed.

"Nice to see you too, Sparky," Lancie muttered, doing a twirl as he allowed the coat to flare around his stone limbs. "Actually... this is a mix of muskrat and marmot. Heh... turns out you're super... super unlucky to be a small mammal born without sentience in these guys' neighborhood."

"I don't believe this..." Romulus snarled over his shoulder. "You have an enchanted, animated piece of the chaos shards, and you're letting it prance around like a goddess-dayum runway model?!"

"You're a psychopathic killer bad guy," Rainbow droned back at the griffon. "So I'm gonna forgive you this one time for not comprehending the fact that I've not had the luxury of letting Lancie do anything... ever."

"Lancie...?!"

"In any case, good evening, Sparky," Lancie said with a wave. "How was naptime with Danger Death Duck 5000?"

"The first moment I'm out of these bindings, I'm gonna shove you under a sledgehammer and turn you into gravel!" Romulus spat.

"Huh... I didn't know you were a mad scientist!" Lancie smiled at him—a grin that eventually melted into a sarcastic slur with each successive word spat: "Then would you kindly mind inventing a time machine so I could go back to five seconds ago and find out when I gave a flying fart about what you had to say?"

"Lancie, how come they didn't shoot you with a big sparkling boomstick?"

"Oh, they tried!" He smirked. "Several times, in fact!" He folded his forelimbs. "But then I started levitating around in midair, which—of course—convinced all of the squirrel barbarians that I was their god-slash-messiah come to ward off the rodent apocalyptic calendar."

"Really?"

"Pffft. No. I made them laugh, ya manure stick." He suddenly glared. "And I sure as heck didn't tear their humble abode to twigs with an impulsive drag-out fight scene. But... y'know..." He gave a thumb's up, smirking. "Banana sticker for the chaos factor."

"I can't believe this..." Rainbow grumbled, hanging her head. "I've flown all this distance to find a cure for Apple Bloom, and all I've got to show for it is becoming Pony of War for acorn-huffers."

"There were many times when I could have given you a quick and merciful death, pony," Romulus grumbled.

"Yeah, and there are many times I could have done this!" Rainbow held her breath and flung her skull back.

WHACK!

"Owww!" Romulus gnashed his beak. "Damnable glue stick! Hrnnng!" He flung his skull back.

WHAM!

"Ow ow ow ow... dang it..." Rainbow winced, eyes twitching from pain. "I really hate you, birdo, but I think I hate hating you more."

"Nnnngh... agreed..."

"Well... good to see that you both are level-headed," Lancie said, placing his tiny knuckles against his tiny hips. "Albeit with lots of cracks." He motioned out the door, and several squirrels scampered in, grabbing the two prisoners with their paws and slowly dragging them out. "Cuz it's show time."

"Show time?" Rainbow gulped. "What the heck does that mean?"

"I dunno, but I think it involves whatever it is they used to make me this coat."

"You can't be serious..." Rainbow exhaled.

"Sparky, to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure what I am anymore."

"That's... not very reassuring."

"I know! Isn't it exciting?" The statue trotted out of the room while the squirrels tugged Rainbow and Romulus after him. "Come! The Council of Squirrels await!"

"Bet... nnngh... you've been waiting all your life to say that."

"Over seventy millennia and countinggggg!"

Griffon the Bushy Tail Off

"Ooomf!" Rainbow Dash grunted as she and Romulus were tossed down onto the stone of Mother Rushnut's throne room. Several furry bodies scampered up on all fours and surrounded them. "Oh, look." Rainbow glanced up. "Squirrels. My favorite."

"Comrades, Mozer Rushnut trrusts you have been vrrung dry of all anger, da?" The white-eyed matriarch leaned forward in her torch-lit seat. "Must say. Are looking mighty rrested."

Rainbow blinked, then glanced at herself and Romulus, tied back to back. "Just what does your optometrist label you with, lady? Negative twenty / negative twenty?"

"You!" Romulus snarled suddenly, gnashing his beak. "What do you think you're doing, lounging about like you own the place?"

"Huh?" Rainbow turned to look. She instantly grimaced. "Ah jeez..."

Sunset Shimmer yawned. She sat several spaces away on folded limbs, dipping her hoof into a bowl of peanuts and taking liberal munches every other second or so. "Mrmmmff... well, one of us has gotta accept these furballs' hospitality."

"Zap me with your magic and break my binds, you stupid harpy!" Romulus spat.

"Uh... hello...?" Sunset pointed at her thoroughly bandaged horn. "While you were too busy going all Griffonmania on Lil' Miss Tomcolt, I got a maniacal talking missile flung into my cranium like a dodgeball! Multiple times!"

"Eheh..." Lancie shuffled up, waving. "Guilty as charged, albeit none too remorseful." He adjusted his fur coat and propped an elbow up against the paw-rest of Rushnut's throne. "Hey there, gorgeous. How goes it?"

"Mozer Rushnut eez overcome veeth exeestenteeal strrife over leading lone cabal of hyper eentelleegent squirrel warriors."

"What a coincidence! Me too!" Lancie chuckled, waving his arms out. "First day, in fact!"

"Lancie..." Rainbow growled.

Romulus rolled the two over and grunted in Sunset Shimmer's direction. "Well, if your horn can't set pony or squirrel flesh on fire for the time being, at least come over here and gnaw the ropes to bits, you dumb horse!"

"Uhhh..." Sunset squinted. "And end up in a subterrannean sweatbox like you two?" The unicorn shook her head. "No, I don't think so."

"Don Canter's counting on you!" Romulus growled. "He's paying you a fortune to do your job!"

"Wait... you brought that fatso into this mess?!" Rainbow's voice cracked.

"Ahem," Sunset pushed the bowl of peanuts away, brushed her hooves off, and stood up. "Don Canter desires for us to bring him to the shards. In case you didn't notice, launching yourself at the enemy like a blood-sucking meathead hasn't gotten us any closer to such a bounty." She cleared her throat, wincing from her bandaged horn. "I, for one, intend to survive long enough to get her cut."

"In this flippin' den of dirtbags?!"

"Shhhh... Keep a cork in it, birdo. You might learn something." Sunset smirked. "Besides... I do believe they're about to give us a proposition..."

"Proposition?" Romulus wheezed.

Rainbow rolled them both over and squinted at the throne. "Like... what kind of proposition?"

"Here, Sparky..." Lancie suddenly hobbled up, sliding over a bowl of peanuts. "You might wanna nibble on these during the show..."

"Comrade Brucie," the matriarch said, waving a hoof. "Please. Do prroceed, my leettle cherub."

"Eugh..." Rainbow groaned, rolling her eyes.

The goggled rodent in question shuffled into view. "A-a-ahem..." He coughed into his paw. "Do please excuse most raspy voice. Death steecks have Brucie by nuts, da?"

"At least something has to," Sunset slurred, rolling her eyes.

"Ve squirrels are not dull or dense crreatures," Brucie said with a smirk. He paced before the "guests," adjusting his goggles. "As matter of fact, ve see how passieeonate horse morsel and beerd morsel and ozer horse morsel are for gleetereeng drragon shards. So... Grreat Mozer Rushnut geeves dees prroposal..." He extended his paws. "Three morsels agree to vork for squirrels... seize precious stones and free squirrel castle of drragon blight. Squirrels get castle. Morsels get shards. Dragons get axed. Veen – Veen – Lose, but mostly Veen. Best, most profitable odds, da?"

"You've got to be insane..." Rainbow snarled. "Completely caddywonkus butt-over-balls bonkers to even think that I would ever... ever team up with the murderous, conniving, back-stabbing likes of—"

Whump! Romulus rolled Rainbow over agan and peered deeply at the squirrel. "When do we start?"

Dulcet Drawls

"What?!" Rainbow's voice cracked. She squirmed and fussed under the weight of Romulus' back. "N-no! Darn it—Rrrrgh!" Romulus grunted as she rolled them over again. She frowned upside-down at Brucie and the matriarch seated behind him. "No! No deal! No way in Tartarus am I working with these blood-huffing melon fudges!"

Lancie sighed, then turned towards Rushnut with a shrug. "Sorry, Mama. It's just like I told you. For every rainbow there's a pot of boogers, just refusing to be unclogged."

"Hmmmm..." Mother Rushnut leaned forward, rubbing her chin in thought. "Mozer Rushnut senses much bad blood between morselanders. Vould be vise to reconsider Comrade Brucie's offers, or else all veell just be blood blood, bad or not. Drragon foot crushes to furry pulp all zhe same, da?"

"We're no longer just talking about dragons and Big Boss!" Rainbow snarled. "We're talking about forcing me to team up with a mobo who would have me and all of my friends murdered in an instant—Whoah!" Rainbow yelped as she was forced upright in a slouched position.

"Forget her!" Romulus sneered, standing up to face the matriarch. "She's as worthless as she is gutless! Just send me and the unicorn over there! We'll rid the dragons of their shards and get your castle back to you!"

"Just you and bandaged head?" Brucie asked.

"Absolutely."

Brucie pointed at Rainbow Dash. "But blue horse geerl haz been eenside squirrel castle already. Vhere have you and bandaged horse been?"

"Besidez running avay from drragonz at feerst sign of flame, hmmm?" Mother Rushnut added.

"Look, some of us just aren't that stupid, okay?" Sunset spoke up. "Give us a break! Who was it exactly who started smashing stuff to bits when the other two showed up?"

"All sree morselanders share debt to squirrels," Brucie grunted. "All sree stand to clear eet by helping squirrels eento rightful castle home!"

"Oh for Goddess' sake!" Romulus hollered. "Are you all out of your nut-munching minds?"

"Careful, Tweety." Lancie smirked across the cavern. "I wouldn't throw stones at the varmints carrying the giant electric boomsticks."

"You stay out of this!" Romulus glanced at the throne again. "Mother Buzzkill... or whatever your name is... you have to think rationally... we're not compatible together! We'll only bring the dragons crashing down on this place if you let us work with the rainbow-colored she-crud!"

Rainbow sighed. While Romulus continued to argue and plead with the matriarch, the mare hung off the bindings that stuck her to the feathery assassin. Rainbow glared into a dark corner of the cavern. As she sat and stared, a drawling voice echoed off the stalactites, growing closer and closer.

"Ya poor lil' thang... must be plum frustratin' to find yerself roped up in these lil' messes..." Carried by a mischievous grin, Applejack trotted into focus. "Of course, even without ropes or a lasso, y'all dun bound by yer noodly limbs in the end, ain'tcha?"

Rainbow's nostrils flared.

"Still cross with me, huh?" The orange shape paced closer, her freckles like starlight over dark ocean water. "And just what has listenin' to that little granite good-for-nothin' done for ya, hmmm? It's like them diamond dog caves all over again. Yer always goin' in over yer head, flingin' yerself at danger... endin' up in a jail cell or worse..."

Rainbow shut her eyes tight, muscles tightening against Romulus' backside.

The new few words came so close that Rainbow could almost smell the apples off her breath: "But that's the thang about you, isn't it? It's not just stubbornness. It's the will to win... at all costs. It's what kills ya... and it's what makes you live all the same. So dang stupid... but so you..."

Rainbow's brow furrowed as her eyes clenched even tighter.

"And just what is it that I distaste about you the most, hmmm?" Rainbow's ears tickled from the heat of each uttered phrase. "Yer a cheater, Rainbow Dash. Ya cheat to win. So what's stoppin' ya now... what's ever stoppin' ya?"

Rainbow Dash's eyes flew open, quivering.

Applejack was gone, but her voice still echoed in her ear canals.

"—my last and final offer!" Romulus, in the meantime, was shouting. "And trust me, with a pony like Don Canter on our side, you won't want to let it down!"

"Hmmmf..." Brucie leaned back, folding his furry arms. "Steell eez not good enough for Brucie. Veeth only two of you, how can Brucie assure Mozer Rushnut of veectory against drragon meenace? Especially eef only vone of you who haz been een castle ees seetting eet out?"

"I'll do it."

Ever squirrel glanced at Rainbow Dash, murmuring.

Lancie did a violent double-take.

Sunset Shimmer craned her neck, lips pursed.

Rainbow Dash turned, glaring at Brucie and the matriarch with an iron frown. "I'll take them to the castle. I'll get us the shards." She smirked devilishly. "I'll win back the squirrel home from those stupid dragons."

Ever Dashed With the Devil In the Pale Moonlight?

"But let's make things clear," Rainbow said, her eyes glinting icily in the torchlight as she glared at Sunset. "We do things my way. I got into the Castle the first time using my wits and awesomeness. If we're to make this work again, then we'll have to rely on the same elements. So no bossing me around... no threatening my life at every turn... and no threatening my friends."

"After all you've put us through," Romulus sneered, looking over his shoulder. "Do you actually think I'm gonna roll over and let you—"

"Do you want the shards or not?"

"I... I..."

"Then this is how you're going to get them," Rainbow said. "Case closed. You know as well as I do that if we keep butting heads, then neither of us are going to get what they want."

"This is preposterous!" Romulus sneered. "Don Canter would never agree to—"

"Actually, Romulus, I'm somewhat certain he would," Sunset Shimmer said.

The griffon did a double-take at her. "Excuse me?"

Wincing, the unicorn stood up, staring calmly at the scene. "If Top Dog or the Flim-Flam Brothers were running things, then they might not agree to Rainbow's proposal. But, let's face it. Don Canter is the backbone of our entire operation. He funds it—and he's what's making this whole thing possible. He would be rather warm to Rainbow Dash's proposal, seeing as he wants the stones more than anything."

"And what about you?!" Romulus growled. "You're only here because the pony wrecked your crazy magic wheeltopia!"

"She stole from me that which made my dreams possible, yes," Sunset said with a frown. "However... if we pull this heist off, then I'll have four times as many resources through sheer bits alone. I can still pursue my exploits, only I'll have the ability to buy even more magical reagents. Sometimes you have to take a brief loss as a greater victory. This is something Princess Celestia once taught me."

"Ugh! You stupid horses and your stupid horse rules—"

"Take it or leave it, pal," Rainbow Dash said. "Just remember, you'll find Aatxe and his brothers to be a lot less open to negotiation than I am."

"Hrmmmmfff..." Romulus' beak nostrils flared. He stared in the direction of the throne. "The unicorn and I will have to consult our boss, Don Canter." His good eye glared at Rainbow Dash. "If he's actually down for such a hare-brained scheme, then I have no other choice."

"Sounds as legit as you're ever gonna get, bushy-bushies," said Lancie.

"Hmmmm..." Brucie scratched his chin. He and the other rodents looked at their matriarch. "Vell, Mozer? Eet vould seem dat our hospeetaleety haz finally rreached seeck morsel minds, da?"

Mother Rushnut leaned back in her throne. She waved a paw. "Cut dem loose."

A cluster of squirrels scampered up and gnawed away at the bindings holding Romulus and Rainbow together.

"Go to your boss, Meester Beerd Cat morsel," the matriarch said. "But at feerst moment of betrrayal, expect Mozer Rushnut to collect your head."

"Da..." Brucie smirked. "And Brucie getz beak!"

"Mrmmmf..." Romulus rubbed his talons as soon as he was freed. "...you'll be lucky if you get a dayum quill." He looked over his shoulder as he got up. "This isn't over, soft-hooves. I don't expect Don Canter to let you go without a fight."

"Whatever," the mare grumbled, flexing her stiff wings as she remained standing there. While Sunset and Romulus walked off, the squirrels hung out in tight groups, murmuring with one another.

Lancie strolled over to Rainbow Dash. "Soooooooo..." He licked his fang, folded his arms, and stared up at her. "...that was rather unexpected." His granite brow furrowed. "What's really going on, Sparky?"

"What does it look like?" Rainbow droned unemotionally. "We're teaming up with the devil incarnate to get the shards."

"And you know just as I do that doing that won't get me back to normal. Nor would it heal Princess Frecklestasia's adorafilly sister." He cocked his head to the side. "So what do you really have in mind?"

"Romulus and Company are going to get close to the shards." Rainbow's voice lowered to a quiet murmur. "But what they'll actually receive is a lot more... or less. Depending on how you look at it."

"Meaning...?"

Rainbow gazed into the shadows. An orange phantom's green eyes gazed back. "When the moment comes... and things are most awesome and opportune... I'm gonna drop them like a bad habit."

"Just how far?"

Rainbow gulped. "Far enough that—when they land—they're gonna break so hard that not even a doppleganger of myself could put them back together like I have been doing for you."

"Sparky, I must say." Lancie leaned back. "This plan of yours is random, cruel, and outright dangerous." His fang glinted in the torchlight as he smiled. "I love it."

"I know you do."

"Is that why you thought of it?"

"No." Rainbow's nostrils flared. "I thought of it because I love something else..." She gulped. "Somepony else..."

Quest Receivers

"Well..." Romulus huffed, flexing his shoulders. "First thing's first." He turned towards the other two ponies. "We meet up with the rest of the gang."

"Not happening," Rainbow grumbled. "The moment I get within eyeshot of those melon fudges, I'm good as—"

"You should have thought of that before talking those little turds into hiring us both!" Romulus snarled. "That's the crud you roll into when bumping shoulders with the ones you've robbed blind!"

"I didn't rob anypony of anything!" Rainbow snarled. "And I sure as heck didn't enslave deer, threaten families, blow up warehouses, or put random cooks into a coma just to get something that didn't even belong to me!"

"Don Canter and his business associates had laid claim on those shards!" Romulus hollered louder. "You should have left well enough alone instead of listening to the schizophrenic ramblings of your... goddess dayum..." He pointed at the statue on Rainbow's shoulder. "...stone mole cricket!"

"You know what..." Lancie raised a talon, smirking. "There's gotta be a band name somewhere in the middle of that insult."

"Do us a favor and get that shriveled excuse for Mt. Rushmare to put a cork in it!" Romulus barked.

"Nuts to that—" Rainbow flinched, looked at the burrow behind her, then exhaled with relief. She continued her growling diatribe at the assassin. "If it weren't for the little guy, we'd still be rolling around like a pair of dumbflank pinatas in there, just waiting for the crazed rodents to burst us open! Instead, he got us a word with the matriarch—"

"—and you got us on an impossible fetch quest! Way to go, pony!" Romulus rolled his one eye. "I swear... pegasi will be the death of the skies."

"Spoken like a true murderous hypocrite."

"At least I get paid handsomely for what I do!" Romulus folded his arms. "Unlike you. Pffft... when the Flim Flam Brothers finally revealed who you were and where you lived, I nearly keeled over in laughter at how pathetic it was. Tell me, 'Rainbow Dash'... burned any good books lately for warmth?"

"Grrrrr!" Rainbow flew towards him.

"Bring it—!"

FLASH! Sunset Shimmer materialized between them. "KNOCK IT OFF!" She instantly reeled, plopping back on her haunches. "Eugh..."

"What's the matter?" Rainbow slurred. "Wheels in your head turn against you?"

"Ha hah..." Sunset grumbled. "Regardless of how stupid and annoying this situation is, there's now only one way to get the shards. If we kill each other off, then there's likely no chance of getting those furballs to help us with leverage on the dragons. So let's try to save the bloodletting for later, okay?"

"I thought your damn horn was out of juice," Romulus said.

"Yeah, well..." Sunset rubbed her bandaged skull, wincing. "Seems to be coming back... in b-bursts..." She sighed. "Something tells me that if we're gonna do this right, then we'll need to bring in the whole company."

"Wait..." Rainbow grimaced. "You mean you wanna bring more goons here?"

"Correction... Don Canter wants to bring more goons here." Sunset stood up with meager help from the griffon. "And—presumably—he wants to show up too."

"What for? To smell the dragon poop?"

"You have to admire a boss who desires to see the job done with his own eyes," Romulus said, pacing towards the edge of the burnt forest. "And once he hears about this stupid partnership bullcrap, I swear, he's gonna burst a blood vessel."

"Then we'll have to explain things to him quite carefully... so let me do the talking," Sunset said.

"Do you have enough magic to do a teleportation spell?"

"I'd... best save it to when I'm within proximity of my crystals again," Sunset said. "And to do that—"

"—we must fly back to camp. Got it." Nodding, Romulus grabbed Sunset in his talons. "We'd best lay low—in case the dragons are still coasting the grounds west of their flight." He turned to sneer at Rainbow Dash. "You... pony... had better lay lower. Top Dog still wants the first bite out of your flesh. Heheheh..."

"Wait... wait." Rainbow frowned. "What about what Brucie said?"

"What about it?"

"He mentioned something called the 'Ashen North.' It sounded important."

"My mother's words sounded important," Romulus slurred. "Until I ripped them from her voice box for talking back to me."

Rainbow grimaced. "You can't be serious."

"As serious as I am after all these years, soft-hooves." Romulus flapped his wings. "Let's see you say the same after this blood-curdling mess is over. Now fly!"

Keeping a Dash Ahead

Flying at a high altitude for the first time in hours, Rainbow Dash found herself gazing at multiple points of interest all at once.

To the east—the direction in which Romulus and Sunset were traveling—the mare saw a patch of dry earth beyond the forested treeline. There, an encampment had been built, comprising of a smattering of tents and a copious amount of smoke. Rainbow assumed that the smoldering fire was the work of Top Dog and his canine thugs. With a flaring of her nostrils, she glanced northeast.

The Castle was a splotch of bluish-gray haze now. Rainbow was too far west to see the mountain range that formed the border between the wasteland and griffon territory, but she knew the dragons and their floating lair was swiftly approaching it. Rainbow suspected that—at the speed with which the Castle was hovering—she had a day and a half at best to catch up to the structure before it would enter Equestrian airspace. However, the mare also knew that her actual time was a great deal more limited, and she winced at the prospect of having to strategize a way to make the best use out of both constricting schedules.

Looking due north, Rainbow spotted a hazy line of gray earth where the wasteland's vegetation ended. There were a few shattered structures here or there—further remnants of a past civilization—but they were crumbling edifices at best. Beyond them, Rainbow could spot what appeared to be a massively rising column of fog... too gray and too thin to be smoke. If something wasn't burning there, then she could only guess that it was a different kind of haze... perhaps steam from something that was consistently melting.

Suddenly, the mare winced. She flexed a forelimb and felt for tiny jolts of pain amidst the numbness. Reaching back, she fumbled through her saddlebags in mid-flight and procured one of the remaining bottles. She was down to a few sips now, but it didn't stop her from taking a massive swig, allowing the medicine to course through her body.

"Going for broke, eh?" Lancie remarked.

Rainbow drank, drank, swallowed, and exhaled. "Eh," she said, screwing the cap back on the mostly-empty bottle.

"I know that you have something up your sleeve, Sparky," Lancie said. "But, for once, I simply don't know what it is." He turned to gaze east. "And that simply excites me."

"Good thing one of us is."

"Come on. Level with me, girl." Lancie reclined against her, back to back. "What gave you the extra layer of skin?"

Rainbow frowned. "It's not like that."

"Isn't it?" Lancie gazed past her flapping wings. "Whatever you've got planned, it can't be happy for Mr. Assassin and Friends."

"Let's just say that it's gonna be..." Rainbow fidgeted in midair. "...less fortuitous for them."

"Yeowch, that's a lot of syllables."

"Yeah, well. I'm desperate," Rainbow muttered.

"I don't think it's desperation," Lancie said. "Much rather, I believe it's lucidity."

"Look, I don't give a darn about these punks," Rainbow Dash muttered. "They've proven time and time again that they don't care about harmony. I mean... I've kicked their flanks all over Equestria... I have kicked... all of their flanks! Each and every one of them... and just what have they learned from it?!"

"Always brake for petite blue pegasi?"

Rainbow's nostrils flared. "If I live a full, long life... knowing that I sacrificed the life of Applejack's sister just because I dragged my hooves in an attempt to make nicey-nicey with these dudes in the long run... well... that's not a life that would be worth living."

"Then why are you currently making nicey-nicey with them?"

"I'm getting on their good side. There's a difference." Rainbow looked north. "Once they're convinced that we're on the same team—if only temporarily—I'm checking out what Brucie talked about."

"You mean that 'Ashen North' business?"

"I need all the trump cards that I can get," Rainbow said. "Because no matter how I shake this, I get the feeling that this is gonna come down to the mother of all bluffs, and I need something to fall back on if I'm to get us back to the shards without being... y'know... burninated."

"And do you have an escape plan, by chance?"

"That's where you come in."

"Buh?"

"Once you have the shards... all of the shards... then you'll have more power than you've ever had before." Rainbow smirked. "You could make a gazillion of those plants for Apple Bloom. Heck... you could just zap a healing beam at the moon and bounce it off so that it goes through her window in Ponyville and heals her in a blink."

"Well... uh... eheh—"

"Basically, even if I have to bend myself backwards and roll into a deep, dangerous corner, it'll all work out in the end so long as you play your own hand, ya feel me?"

"... ... ..."

Rainbow looked over her shoulder. "Something wrong, Lancie?"

"Hmmm? Oh! Hardly!" Lancie smiled, cracking a few granite joints. "Just... thinking..."

"Of what?"

"... ... ...of how hard you've been throwing your fuzzy blue nose to the grindstone, Sparky," Lancie muttered, his voice suddenly solemn and distant. "If you didn't have a magical deus sexy machina like myself... would you really put yourself in so much danger?"

"Pfft. Danger? We've got this in the bag!" Rainbow smirked, blinking. "I mean... right?"

Lancie took a deep breath. "I do hope you know that I have your back, my little pony."

Rainbow looked ahead, chuckling.

Lancie squinted. "...what?"

"Nothing." Rainbow smirked. "You know... I never thought I'd hear myself say this... about anyone, much less you... but you're kinda cute."

"... ... ...cute?"

"Yeah. Sure. Why not." She stifled another giggle. "Especially when you try to act all big."

Lancie folded his stone arms. "I think you need more medicine."

"Heeheehee... ahem..." Rainbow took a deep breath. "Okay... giggle time is over." She cleared her throat, frowning. "We're almost at Camp Suck."

"Indeed." Lancie rubbed the back of his stone scalp. "Erm... Sparky...?"

"Yes, Lancie?"

Silence.

He bore a fractured smile. "Best of luck... friend..."

Rainbow said nothing. With icy wings, she glided down to the edge of the infernal campsite, joined by Romulus and Sunset Shimmer.

Camp Dread

Top Dog raised a strip of bacon to his mouth... and bit onto it. Hard. "Grrrgghhh!" Hairs bristling on his back, he ripped and tore and shook at the dried meat in his fangs. Just then, he heard a ruffling of feathers. Curious, the boss mutt turned around, gulped the food down, and wiped the slobber off his chin. "Well?!"

His fellow diamond dogs looked over from where they sat in the dirt.

Flim and Flam stopped working on a complex steam-powered catapult. They craned their necks to see.

Several of Don Canter's thugs trotted out of a smattering of canvas tents. One of them held a viciously swirling eyeball in a green glass jar.

Romulus had just touched down with Sunset Shimmer. The one-eyed assassin dropped the unicorn to her hooves with very little ceremony and began brushing the dust off his limbs.

"What took you so long?!" Top Dog grabbed his polearm and marched over, growling. "You were gone for over twelve hours! Do you think we have that kind of time to spare?!" He pointed a paw at the thugs standing behind him. "Do you think your employer has that kind of time to spare?!"

"A fine sprinkling of enlightenment would surely get you out of our contempt, our dear feline fowl," Flam said. He adjusted his bow tie and cleared his throat. "While one does appreciate a certain degree of strategic reconnaissance, it is possible to take it too far."

"We were..." Romulus took a deep, seething breath. "Detained."

"Detained?!" Top Dog frowned. "Don't tell me you actually lossssst our scrumptious pony target!"

"Quite the opposite, actually," Romulus slurred.

"Now, nopony panic," Sunset Shimmer said, waving a hoof. "But there's been a bit of a development—"

"Oh for Goddess' sake—" Romulus groaned, reached out, and yanked Rainbow Dash out into the open from behind a thicket. "There."

Brothers gasped. Henchstallions yelled. Dogs barked. Squidgy swirled.

"Uhhhhhhhh..." Rainbow waved a limp hoof. "Hiya. How's it hoofin'?"

"BLOOOOOD!" Top Dog howled, immediately stampeding forward. With high-pitched whines, two of his canine companions joined them, holding their polearms out like spears.

Cl-Clakkka! Several of Don Canter's thugs cocked their shotguns all at once. "Fill her with lead, boys!"

"She's not getting away this time!" Flam spun the brass catapult around and shoved Flim towards the instrument panel. "Load her up, old chap! For Mother's glory—!"

"Wait—!" Sunset shrieked.

"Raaaaaaaaaaaaugh!" Top Dog sailed straight at Rainbow, his fanged muzzle lunging for her jugular.

Frowning, Rainbow squatted low and dragged a hoof across the earth—

Schiiiiing! All of the sudden, Romulus stood in front of her, both daggers drawn. "Htttt!" He flew up, blocked Top Dog's spear in mid-flight, then uppercutted him with a massive kick. WHACK!

"Wooof!" Top Dog flew back like a ragdoll. Thud! He hit the ground, knocking up dust and clumps of dirt.

Rainbow blinked.

"Rrrrgh!" Romulus punched another charging canine in the chest, flung him into a third diamond dog, then slashed the spear of a third thug's weapon in two. "Stand down!"

BLAM! Hot lead pellets flew over Rainbow's ducking head.

"Raaaugh!" Romulus twirled, flung two daggers, and knocked the shotguns out of two henchstallions' grasp. Cl-Clank! "I mean it!"

"Oh no!" Flim hyperventilated, seething as he pulled a lever on the complex catapult mechanism. "We've lost far too much to let this malevolent mare go free!" Just as he tried to pull the lever—

FLASH! Sunflowers and weeds grew out of the instrument panel.

"Gaah!" Flim and Flam hobbled back. "What...?!"

Sunset glared at them, panting and sweating. Sparks flew out of her injured horn as she slurred: "Cut it out!" She spun to face the others. "All of you! This is important!"

"No... this is asenine!" One of Don Canter's thugs folded his forelimbs, frowning. "What's the meaning of this, assassin? Have you gone traitorous on us?"

"I have not and will never betray my business partners!" Romulus shouted. His booming voice echoed across the arid valley, then settled. In the ensuing silence, he paced down the line of thugs, glaring at each and every one of them. "We ran into... some locals. Things got hairy. They captured the unicorn, myself, and our target here. They only let us out when we... mrmmmm... mutually agreed to acquire the shards from the dragons together."

"Huh?!"

"What?!"

"Together?!"

"Have you gone mad?!"

"Arf!"

"Silence!" Romulus waved a glinting dagger in the air. His eye swung left, then right, then centered on Don Canter's thugs. "There are locals living here who know the ins and outs of the dragon's lair. It's a floating castle, powered by the chaos magic of the shards in Big Boss' possession. Now... our target here has been crafty enough to enter the Castle at least once, but she lacked the resources to properly acquire the shards on her own. As it turns out, Aatxe's minions are too numerous and too powerful for any one pony—or group—to steal the chaos pieces back from the totem that these draconian jerkholes have made of it!"

"Grnngh..." Top Dog struggled to his paws, sneering. "The only jerkhole I see is you... for stooping so low as to make a deal with this ssssssstupid pony!"

"Hey." Rainbow looked over. "Dogs are dumber than what."

Top Dog blinked. "What?"

The other diamond dogs laughed.

"Grrrrr!" Top Dog pivoted about and kicked them. "Stop LAUGHING!"

"Look. At this point, we don't have many options," Sunset Shimmer said, recovering from her magical exercise. "Either we work with the pegasus to get all of the shards... or none of us get any of them."

"Mmmmm..." One of the henchstallions leaned back. "I still don't like this. There's nothing to say that we can't kick the stupid dragon tails on our own."

"Trust me." Romulus said, glaring. "They are stronger than anything I, you, or any of Don Canter's forces have faced yet. If we wish to take the shards back, working together with every experienced soul is the only way to make it happen. We've also got the support of the locals if we do it this way... but only this way." The griffon shook his head. "I'm not too fond of this development either, but the only other alternative is death."

One of the henchstallions narrowed his eyes. "Don Canter's not going to like this."

"Then once the unicorn's horn is in better working order..." Romulus pointed at Sunset. "We'll bring him here. I'll ask him myself, since we all know that you would be too cowardly."

The thugs glanced at one another.

Flim and Flam stared in an astonished stupor.

"Well?!" Romulus snarled, glaring at everyone. "We haven't much time to deliberate, you meatbags?! So what's it gonna be?"

Dreadful silence hung over the camp site.

An Offer That Couldn't Be Refused

"Well, I have to admit one thing," Lancie said, balancing on Rainbow's shoulder. He folded his granite arms as he stared at the camp full of cretins. "They're organized."

The two watched as the henchstallions, unicorns, and diamond dogs shuffled back and forth across the clearing, collecting various weapons and setting up supplies. Every now and then, a good few of them turned to sneer in Rainbow's direction. All the while, Romulus stood perched on a bent, burnt tree, keeping a watchful eye on the mangy company.

Lancie bore a fanged smirk and looked directly at Rainbow. "Or at least as 'organized' as a bunch of rabid baboons can be."

Rainbow's eyes fell on Sunset Shimmer. She watched as the unicorn placed several pink crystals in the dirt, setting them equally apart from one another.

"Ahem..." Lancie leaned against Rainbow's skull in a casual pose. "That was a joke, Sparky. Y'know. Funny. 'Ha-ha.'"

"Mmmhmmm..." Rainbow Dash hummed, eyes narrowing as she watched Sunset move from one crystal to another, enchanting each shard after another with a faint red glow.

"I figured a modicum of humor would be advantageous," Lancie added with a shrug. "I mean, seeing as we're about to fling our collective skulls at a big flying rock full of pony-burning dragons with only crazed rodents and mouth-foaming psychopaths to call allies."

Rainbow's lips parted: "She's setting up a teleportation spell."

"Whozzawhut?" Lancie blinked.

Rainbow pointed at Sunset. "Miss Wheels-N-Deals. Our arch nemesis from Dredgemane."

"Aye. I remember that arc." Lancie rubbed his stone skull. "What about her?"

"It's not her so much as the thing she's doing," Rainbow said. "I've seen Twilight do this sort of eggheaded experiment before when she needs to teleport something long distance. I'm talking about stuff bigger than Spike can send with his flame breath."

"Okaaaaaaaaay..." Lancie gestured. "And you're leading this where, exactly?"

"Those crystals..." Rainbow pointed again. "Sunset needs them to make a circle, and then she can teleport stuff to and from another circle of the stones that she's got located elsewhere."

"You mean... like back in Equestria?"

"Right."

"Hmmmff... boring magic is so... boring," Lancie groaned. "Predictable too."

"Speak for yourself," Rainbow said, blinking. "All this time, I've been wondering just how Romulus and Sunset got this far out."

"I just figured they trailed you."

"Yeah... but to bring the whole gang with them?" Rainbow shuddered. "With this sort of magic, they could zap Top Dog, Flim and Flam, and the rest of the jerks anywhere. At anytime."

"Are you thinking about how we'll get into Big Boss' castle?"

"No." Rainbow shook her head with a frown. "I'm thinking about my friends back in Ponyville, actually."

"Ah..." Lancie nodded. "And ouch. If they trailed you here, then no doubt they know where all your bestest of best buds live." He cleared his throat. "Including a certain Duchess of Freckles."

Rainbow Dash's nostrils flared. "When all of this is said and done, there's no guarantee that they'll keep to any bargain whatsoever."

"Then why did you bargain with them?"

"Because I still gotta save Apple Bloom," Rainbow said. "I'm just now coming to terms with the cost. Right now... none of my friends are going to be safe... ever."

"Well... I guess you have quite the dilemma on your hooves, Sparky," Lancie said. "Do you save Apple Bloom's life? Or everypony else's?"

Rainbow sensed an orange shape in her peripheral. She glanced over, and a pair of emerald eyes stared back, cold and steely. "...I save everypony."

"Huh?"

"I save Apple Bloom... and my friends."

"Uhm... how, exactly?" Lancie waved a talon. "Considering how deep we are in this mess, somepony is gonna get hurt."

"You're right. They are," Rainbow said.

"Huh?" Lancie blinked.

Before he could say anything else, the crystals lit up.

"Shhhh...!" Rainbow pointed. "She's summoning."

"Yes, but what?"

FLASH! All of the crystals lit up.

Sunset collapsed on her belly, wincing as her injured horn sizzled. Nevertheless, she and the other thugs looked up to see an even larger group of criminals gathered. The thick group stepped out of the circle—henchstallions and diamond dogs alike. In the very center of the criminal gang, surrounded by heavily muscled body-guards, was a thick, thick stallion with a bulging belly and a well-pressed suit. He took a puff on his cigar and glared across the way, his thin eyes eventually landing on Rainbow Dash.

The mare clenched her jaws. "Don Canter..."

Brandoats? (Brandoats)

Brandoats? (Brandoats)

Don Canter stepped out of the ring of crystals, smoking his cigar. A pair of grimy eyes remained locked on Rainbow Dash the entire time.

Rainbow glared back from where she sat beyond the fringes of the group.

Several bodyguards closely followed the obese stallion, likewise staring daggers at the pegasus.

Don Canter blinked, took a mighty puff of the cigar, then flicked its ashes into the wild winds of the wasteland. Planting the cancer stick back into his muzzle, the stallion exhaled hazily, then muttered: "Okay. I give. Why ain't the rainbow broad dead yet?"

Flim scurried up to Don Canter, hyperventilating. "I was willing to blow her to bits! Both my brother and I still are, boss! We even built a device to do just that! Say the word and we'll scatter her feathers from here to—"

Romulus marched up, backhanding Flim with his talon. Whack!

"Doof!" Flim fell into a patch of gravel, his legs sticking up.

Sighing, Romulus grumbled, "I had to make a deal with the locals to get even close to the shards," he said. "Fortunately, this means the rest of the chaos enchantments are in your grasp. Unfortunately..." His eye darted towards the pegasus in question.

"Hrmmmff..." Don Canter kept gazing at her. He flicked his ashes in Romulus' direction and muttered: "I don't remember making you my financial advisor, ya greased up turkey."

"That goes without saying."

Don Canter's voice took on a growling pitch. "So how come you're doing all the hiring for me instead of the killin'?"

"We all thought he was nuts too!" Top Dog barked. "Him and his brown-nosing little unicorn mage!"

"Hey!" Sunset Shimmer frowned. "I for one thought it was a sensible idea before Romulus ever—"

"Put a bridle in it. All of you." Don Canter cracked the joints in his rubbery neck. "If you've been in this business as long as I have, then you learn a thing or two about makin' concessions." He exhaled more smoke, then waved his stogie in the prismatic mare's direction. "So... what are ya fetchin' ta get in all this, ya psychopuss?"

"I don't need money or power," Rainbow Dash said. "I just need to get enough shards to get back home and save a friend in need."

"Like how many stones?" Don Canter exhaled.

"Careful..." Lancie muttered aside. "...this guy draws a hard bargain—"

"Just two," Rainbow said, summoning a murmuring gasp from the thugs. "One to wish myself out of here. A second to will my friend back to health."

Lancie clenched his eyes shut, sighed, then murmured: "That... was not a hard bargain."

Don Canter took another puff, then pointed. "Alright... then two things. That granite monkey on your shoulder? He belongs to me."

"He doesn't count," Rainbow said.

"Says who?"

"Says the mare who's your only chance of getting close enough to Big Boss to grab the shards back," Rainbow said. "He goes back home with me."

"Very well then," Don Canter said. "On one condition. All the stones you already have?" He waved with his flabby forelimb. "You give those back to us as well and just keep the two!"

"Hah!" Lancie grinned, pointing a jagged talon. "Now you're just reaching! There's no way in fluffy bunny perdition that my pal here will ever consider—"

"Done deal," Rainbow said. "When I get back home, I'll return the stones to the warehouse you blew up in Fillydelphia. Have your goons there the midnight after we all return. You'll get what you want."

"... ... ..." Lancie blinked. "Uhhhh... Sparky?" He leaned down and whispered in her ear. "Is all the spider juju out of your system?

"Just roll with it, Lancie," Rainbow murmured back, careful not to move her lips enough for the mobsters to notice. "These punks are gonna need a hangglider to jump off these bluffs..."

"Ahhh..."

"Now..." Don Canter paced aside a few steps, craning his neck to glare at the pegasus. "Just how am I expected to know you'll keep up your end of the bargain?"

"My honor, of course," Rainbow Dash smiled. "As an Element of Loyalty!"

Lancie squirmed slightly.

"Hmmm... fancy talk is just fancy talk, broad," Don Canter said, waving his smoke. "For all I know, you could just be double-crossing us and givin' us the smelly tail in the end! Ya know what I'm sayin'?"

"Then you're gonna have to deal with the suspense as you see fit. Take it or leave it."

Flam helped Flim up, gawking at the exchange.

Top Dog squirmed where he sat.

Squidgy rolled around in his jar, his green gaze flickering back and forth.

"Alright, toots..." Don Canter nodded, taking one last smoke. "So long as we get the rest of the shards and you only get two... I'd say that's as fair a bargain as I'm ever gonna get with the likes of you." He pointed. "Element of Loyalty or not, I'm gonna keep an eye on you." He turned to trot off and talk with his henchstallions—

"There's still one thing I require from you," Rainbow Dash said.

Groaning, Don Canter lumbered around to face her with a lethargic expression.

Her brow furrowed. "I keep my end of the bargain... and I want you to promise that you will leave my family... my friends... and my home town alone." She glared. "Got it?"

"Mmmm... ehhh..." Don Canter shrugged his forelimbs. "I'll think about it."

Thap! Rainbow stomped her hoof. "That's not good enough, ya jerk!"

Don Canter faced her calmly. "Well... then I guess you're gonna have to... ehhh..." He smirked, flicking his cigar. "...deal with the suspense as you see fit." He winked. "Tchh." Then sauntered off with his surly advisors.

Loyalty Unbridled

Rainbow Dash flew north.

It was an easy thing to do... perhaps the easiest thing she had ever done.

With the camp full of miscreants to her backside, all she had to look forward to was wasteland, monsters, and the occasional blood-thirsty dragon.

The mare sighed with relief.

"Can't believe I actually miss this," she muttered, her lips curved slightly. "Even the silence too."

"Mmmff..." Lancie climbed up to her neckline, grabbing onto her mane. "Hey there, Sparky."

Rainbow sighed out her nostrils. "Never mind."

"Things got pretty schoolyardy back there," he remarked, smirking. "Quite frankly, with your hooves so close to resembling noodles, I didn't know you had it in you."

"Well, this last bottle is all I've got left," Rainbow muttered. "Or make that half-a-bottle, if you're counting."

"That's... not exactly what I meant."

"Well, it's exactly what you've got."

"Honestly, Rainbow." Lancie leaned against the back of her fuzzy skull. "What's gotten into you? I mean, aside from the spider venom, the pressure to save your beloved marefriend's sister, and the endless amount of threats those thugs are making at your friends."

"Oh Lancie...?" Rainbow droned. "I wonder if you even listen to yourself at times."

"As a matter of fact, I do." The statue propped his fanged jaws against his granite talons. "And... I happen to be quite observant, too." He "talked" a tiny pair of stone fingers across her forehead. "And I can't help but notice that a certain Rainbow Dash is starting to look and sound more and more like a Rainbow Dastardly."

"Your point?"

Lancie blinked. "My point is that I'm having to make a point!" He flung himself forward until he stared at her upside down. "It simply isn't you to juggle with the lives of other souls—no matter how disagreeable."

"It isn't like me to protect the best interests of my friends?" Rainbow growled. "To honor and preserve their integrity? Their liberty? Their guarantee of waking up the next day to sniff—maybe munch on the morning flowers?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhh..." Lancie blinked into the wind.

"Face it, Lancie." Rainbow snorted. "This is loyalty unbridled. I love Applejack. I love the rest of my friends. I love Ponyville. All of those things are being threatened right now, and I gotta draw a line in the sand."

"Yes, it just..." Lancie cleared his throat. "Doesn't sound very harmonic."

"And since when has that concerned you?"

Lancie raised a finger to speak. He lingered, and his stone ears drooped. "That's..." He gulped. "...a very good question, actually."

"Good. Maybe you can spend the next few hours thinking up an answer to it. Meanwhile, I'm going to be stupidly busy finding the rest of your goddess-forsaken stones." Rainbow Dash huffed. "They certainly won't find themselves."

"Ohhhhh Sparky..." Lancie sighed. He fidgeted. "Rainbow... I think... I-I think that you should—"

"Shhhhh." Rainbow pointed at the line of desolate gravel that formed the northern horizon. "See that? Were the rising steam is coming from?"

"Hmmm?" Lancie shaded his gray eyes, staring. "Yes..." He blinked. "Appears to be... a giant crater?"

"Looks the same to me."

"Odds are it's very craggy, dangerous, and hard to fly around in there," Lancie said.

"Cool." Rainbow nodded, then dove. "I'm going in."

"Gah!" Lancie clung on for dear life as the two plunged into the hazy depths of the Ashen North.

Crater, Thy Name is Vague

As soon as Rainbow Dash's hooves touched down, she regretted it.

"Yeowwch!" She hovered up, hissing intently as she flapped her wings in rapid motions.

"Hey..." Lancie gestured towards the rising mists all around them. "You saw it steaming. You only have yourself to blame, Sparky."

"Yeah... b-but I didn't feel any heat right above the stone," Rainbow stammered, waving her hooves as her wince continued into its third iteration. "Fuuuuuuuu..." She sighed. "Good to know the medicine's working, at least."

"What did you even expect to find here?"

"Mrmmfff..." Rainbow grumbled, drifting lazily ahead through the cloudiness. "A distinct lack of Don Canter and his buddies."

"Well put, Einstallion," Lancie droned. "But what else besides that?"

"I figured that if the squirrels didn't like coming to this place on their own—so much so that they sent me—then that means it's a place that isn't friendly for rodents that can't fly."

"And yet you still put your hooves on the ground, regardless."

"Hey. Shuddup." Rainbow flew over a column of mist, using her wings to part the thickening steam. "I'm trying to observe the deathscape here."

"Also, they're flying squirrels. So how does that logic even work—?"

"Shhhhh!" Rainbow insisted. She glared ahead, glancing left and right. Reaching back into her saddlebag, she grabbed a set of goggles and slid them over her skull. Flying deep into the smog, she battled condensation and intense humidity. A few more dozen meters of flying, and the hairs on the end of her nose began curling.

"Yeeesh!" Lancie waved a granite talon in front of his muzzle. "Wish the sky would open a window!"

"That smell..." Rainbow muttered. "I know that smell."

Her ears twitched, for a loud rumbling increased, coming in steady waves. The noise grew louder as Rainbow proceeded over the center of the crater. At last, she came upon the densest curtain of smoke yet. Here, the smog had grown black, like something was burning underneath.

Nevertheless, she held her breath and pierced on through. To her surprise, the air grew clear immediately beyond the latest plume. Hovering in midair, Rainbow Dash felt as though she had landed in the eye of a cyclone. Blessed with momentary clarity, she stared straight down. Her goggled eyes widened.

"Whoah..."

Lancie peered as well. "Huh... is that what I think it is?"

"Can't imagine otherwise."

"So... what do you want to do now?" Lancie remarked.

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash blinked. She gazed up at the tiny patch of blue sky above the crater. Then, looking straight back down, she smirked. "Something awesome."

Lancie sighed. "That's your answer for everything."

"Hey, if it works, don't change it."

"Don Canter and the rest are going to want to know about this."

"They'll know as much as I decide to tell them, Lancie," Rainbow said in firm breath, flapping her wings tightly. She lifted up in a heavy burst of wind. "And those shards?"

"Yeah?"

"... ... ...they're as good as ours, now."

"I'll hold you to that."

"You won't have to."

And the two glided back south the way they came.

A Very Special Plan

"What the hell's gotten you in such a hurry?" Top Dog snorted.

"It's not so much a hurry," Rainbow Dash said. Standing on the edge of the camp, she turned and gestured towards the setting sun beyond the charred and burnt forest. "It's all a matter of timing. Soon, it'll be dark out, and that will give us the best time to sneak into the castle."

"It does make sense," Sunset Shimmer said, nodding. "Dragons still have keen senses though."

"Yeah!" Flam folded his arms, frowning. "If Aatxe won't sense us with his horrible chaos crucifix, it'll be his big bad brother, Blood Fire!"

"I don't think the Flame Staff works like a detector, Psycho Shindig Number One," Rainbow said, gesturing. "And as for Blood Fire, the dude still isn't good at spotting stuff at night. No dragon is. Unless they breathe fire to light the way, but even then they only have so much juice to belch. Ya feel me?"

"And what makes you such an expert on dragons, huh?" Top Dog remarked.

"Because I've been around them more times than all of you freakjobs combined," Rainbow droned. "They don't see well at night. I'm willing to bet most of them will have retreated to the castle and ceased their patrols once the sun's down."

"Hah!" Flim grinned. "Fat chance of all of us getting through with that sort of a scenario!"

"We don't have to get all of us through, dumbass," Romulus growled. "Just her and myself. We'll sabotage the Castle and usher in the squirrels. Then Don Canter can send the rest of you in."

"Mmmmm..." Rainbow Dash swung her hoof from side to side. "Yes and no."

Romulus flashed a frown at her. "What do you mean 'yes and no?' That's the way we're friggin' doing it! So shut your trap!"

"Well, if you wanna let the Flame Staff go 'bye-bye'..." Rainbow shrugged. "Then be my guest. But me? I'm coming out of that with at least two shards. I don't care about the rest of you."

"Hah!" Romulus smirked. "And here I thought we were all in this together—"

"Not so fast, birdo." Don Canter spoke up, shambling out of his tent and closer to the conversation. He puffed on his cigar and spoke: "Yet the petite pegasus give her bright idea."

"Huh?!" Romulus frowned. "Since when were you listening to her?"

"Since she turned out to be a whole lot smarter than the assassin pigeon who's failed to bring me the shards so far!" Don Canter snarled. "Want I should just stay curious, or switch your salaries completely?"

"Mrmmmmmmmmgghh..." Romulus folded his arms.

Don Canter pointed his cigar at Rainbow. "Carry on, toots."

"Thanks, Chubsky." Rainbow paced before the thugs. "Romulus is right about one thing. We shouldn't all try sneaking into the castle. Even with the squirrels having our backs, it's just too clumsy and dangerous. So I suggest we both bring Sunset along."

Sunset pointed at herself. "Me?"

"Right." Rainbow pointed east, towards the sky. "The three of us fly to the castle, sneak in, and then Sunset Shimmer lays down her crystal reagents for her teleportation spell—"

"Wait a second..." Flam point. "I know where this is going. You're thinking that Sunset could get us teleported all the way into the castle!"

"Precisely."

"But... she only has enough reagents for a one way trip! The other crystals are back in Equestria!" Flam turned to gawk at the others. "Do you know what this means?"

"Derrrrrrrrr..." Top Dog scratched his head.

Sunset sighed. "It means that everyone here will have to walk back into the teleportation circle, port back to Don Canter's headquarters, and then wait for the signal to be ported to the next location."

"Which will be the Castle!" Rainbow said with a devilish smirk. "We find a safe spot for Sunset to set up shop. Once her spell's ready, we zap everyone inside. Then we'll take the place over from the inside out... right beneath Big Boss' snout! His brood will already be overwhelmed and that's even before we open the front gates to let in Mother Rushnut's rodent cronies."

"Don't you see?" Lancie stood tall on her shoulder. "Aatxe has a losing battle on his claw from the get go!"

"Sit down, Lancie," Rainbow exhaled. "I didn't ask for color commentary."

"Pfft! What color?" He pointed at his stone face and stuck his tongue out. "I'm all gray, ya fuzzbucket."

"I don't like this," Flim said, still rubbing a sore muzzle. "Mrmmff... all of that movement... all of that flight and transportation..."

Flam carried up the back end of the statement: "If the crystals get damaged... even slightly... then the teleportation spell won't even work!"

"Possibly," Sunset said. "But, assuming that happens, there'll still be enough crystals to teleport just the three of us back... or one of us. We'd port back to the castle with the extra crytsals and prepare for the actual attempt."

"That sounds really damn clumsy," Romulus grumbled.

"I'm saying..." Sunset shrugged. "It's a feasible method for getting us all in there quietly, safely, and with an element of surprise. And—what's more—if I'm there to keep an eye on everything, then I can fix anything that might get damaged from carrying the fragile crystals."

"So, you got our backs, bacon-haired one?" Top Dog asked. "Because it sounds strangely dangerous."

"Oh come onnnnn..." Rainbow grinned... then grinned some more. "What's the worse that could happen?"

Romulus glared at her, then looked at Don Canter.

Flim and Flam looked at the boss.

Squidgy twirled about in his glass until the green light of his pupil fell on the mobster.

Don Canter blew smoke, then parted his lips. "Anypony else got any brighter ideas?"

Dead silence.

Don Canter's ears twitched. "Well then..." He smirked slimily. "...the night ain't getting any younger."

Party of Three

"Okay..." Sunset Shimmer wheezed, rubbing her forehead and sweating. "Last group. Step on in."

Top Dog and several of his cohorts walked into the still-steaming ring of crystals. A lingering cluster of Don Canter's henchstallions stood with them. Night hung over the dismantled campsite as the last of the thugs prepared for their magical trip home.

"Explain to me again why you couldn't send us all back in one go?" Top Dog grumbled.

"Didn't you hear her the first time?" Romulus asked, glaring with his one eye in the starlight. "This is the fastest way she can get all of you punks back to Equestria. In small bursts."

"It'll... t-take us some time to reach the castle," Sunset Shimmer explained. "And I'll be spending the entire time charging the leylines through my horn." She gulped. In an hour or two, look for the crystals to light up, and make sure you, Don Canter, and everyone else are standing inside the circle." She took a deep breath. "I will have enough... erm... "juice," so to speak, to bring you all to the castle in one go."

"And we'll finally be able to tear Aatxe a new one?" Top Dog asked.

"Absolutely." Romulus nodded. "You learn fast." He arched an eyecrest. "Want a treat?"

A few of the canine mutts chuckled.

Top Dog slapped a random diamond dog upside the head, silencing the rest. "Mrmmmfff... this had better work, or I'm having somepony's guts for garters."

"Hey! My horn's a lot better!" Sunset said with a frown. "I will port you all back here!"

"Wasn't talking about you." Top Dog glared across the abandoned campsite. "You... fuzzy petite pony... I've got a food dish with your entrails' name on it."

Rainbow rubbed her ear, then casually glanced his way. "What was that? Sorry, I couldn't hear you over my not giving a darn."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand scene," Lancie said, pulling a fisted talon. He bore a granite smirk. "Try to untuck your tail from between your legs, fido. You don't wanna materialize in Equestria with that thing in your mouth."

"Meh." Top Dog waved at Sunset. "Do that voodoo that you do."

"Doing..." The unicorn concentrated, firing a beam of magic from her horn.

Rainbow watched carefully as the magic flew over the circle of crystals like a yellow laser beam. Once above them all, the string of light split into several—each of them seeking the nearest shard. All of the shards lit up with red light, and—in a flash—the thugs and mutts were all gone.

The wasteland hung in eerie silence while the crystals dimmed and dimmed.

"Alright, then," Romulus said, his lone talon-steps echoing across the rock in ghostly crapes. He reached for one of the many glowing crystals. "Best that we get packed and—"

"No!" Sunset exclaimed, halting him with an outstretched hoof. "Just... give it a few minutes."

"Huh?" Romulus frowned at her. "Listen, ya horse lady, we're delaying long enough as it is on account of your bruised head-stick!"

"The shards are extremely sensitive immediately after being exposed to the magical leylines," Sunset explained. "If we want to move them with the least chance of the reagents shattering, then we will wait a few minutes!" She exhaled through a frown. "Just a few minutes... that's all I'm asking for."

"Hrmmmmmfff..." Romulus frowned. "You stupid ponies and your prissy laws of sorcery." He turned, his glare falling on Rainbow Dash. "And I suppose your skulls are much easier to break after taking a dump, too."

"Depends on whose nest we're dumping in," Rainbow slurred.

"Hardy har..." Romulus paced across the empty space, his feathers glistening in the starlight. "When I agreed to go on this mission, the last thing I expected was to be sharing a road trip with two soft-hooves and a bunch of oversized paperweights." He pointed a talon at Rainbow's chest. "If you try anything... anything to compromise my business agreement with Don Canter, then—I swear—there's no place in the world where you can hide and not hear the screams of your closest companions."

"I take it, then, that you will always have a blood vendetta," Rainbow droned. "For as long as you live."

"You bet your butt."

Rainbow's nostrils flared. "Good to know." She then trotted off without another word.

Romulus glared after her.

"Hmmm... well..." Sunset examined the crystals, trotting around them. "That was deliciously ominous."

"She's so full of it," Romulus grumbled. "The puny pegasus doesn't even know how to make a proper threat."

"Hey, just keep telling yourself that. I would if I were you too."

Romulus turned to glare at the unicorn. "Huh?"

Sunset looked up, blinking casually. "You don't remember all the things she did to whoop your butt back in Dredgemane. Not like I do."

"Pfft! Don't be ridiculous..." Romulus snarled. "I would have eviscerated her on the spot! I will eviscerate her on the spot!"

Sunset shrugged. "Like I said..." She resumed her examinations. "Just keep telling yourself that... if it helps."

Romulus lingered in place. Eventually he glared after the pegasus, muttering: "I would..."

Give Them What They Want

In blacker-than-black streaks, three figures leapt and soared across the stellar canvas of night. They did this in brief-but-swift hops, bounding from one tree-top to another... between craggy peaks of loose boulders. Gradually, in a sporadically progressive fashion, they flew their way northeast, trailing the shadow of a floating castle framed in torchlight and dragonfire.

"Guh!" Sunset Shimmer hissed, wincing in Romulus' grip.

Romulus landed on another tree branch as the two jostled from the impact. "Grfff..." He grumbled. "Keep it together, wizardette." He flapped his wings and took off again. "We can't even pretend to do this stupid mission if you're falling apart at the seams."

"Don't mind m-me," Sunset stammered. She clutched a bulky back of crystals to her chest. "I'm just worried about the reagents, is all. Could you be a bit gentler with the—"

"Nope." Thwoooosh! Romulus threw them both and landed hard on another tree branch, causing the reagents in Sunset's grip to jostle. "If we waste anymore time, we could risk the dragons flying past the barricade and into Griffon Lands." He scowled. "I'm not about to let that happen."

"Yeah, and if you break even one of the crystals, then you risk us wasting even more time while I port back to Equestria to acquire replacements!" Sunset frowned. "Or, even worse—"

"Stop whining," Romulus insisted. "And just hold onto the stupid reagents. We're getting this over with or we're not doing this at all."

From the back, Rainbow said: "Hey. Goose genius. We're almost in the moon shadow of the castle."

"Are the squirrels following us since you signaled them?"

Rainbow looked behind her.

Deep beneath the foliage of the parched trees, she saw a progressively flouncing train of dim torchlight.

"Looks like it!" Rainbow said.

"Unless we're being followed by very... very surly lantern bugs," Lancie said, smiling.

"Will you get that stupid lawn ornament to shut up?!" Romulus snarled. "I'm trying to concentrate here."

"Concentrate on what?" Rainbow's voice cracked. "Look, the castle is nearly above us now." She flapped her wings harder, surging ahead. "I'm gonna go and do some recon and figure out a best way to enter from below—"

"Just wait." Romulus held a talon out, stopping her. He stood on a tall, dangling branch with Sunset. "Have you ever scouted out airspace for dragon patrols at night before?"

"Well... have you?" Rainbow glared.

"Hrmmmfff..." Romulus' feathers ruffled. "There's still a lot of space between here and the floating lair. Best that I go check it out first."

"But—"

"Then you can lead all of us in finding an entrance. Until then... I don't trust you for a hill of dead mice." Romulus dropped Sunset. "Stay here and watch the mare."

"Gah!" Sunset teetered on the branch. She nearly dropped her share of the crystals before leaning on the trunk and steadying herself. "Yeesh! Jerk! You nearly ruined everything!"

"Not my fault you have terrible balance." Romulus snorted and flew up ahead. "Friggin' soft-hooves... this will only be ten minutes."

This left the two mares and a statue standing on the tree branch.

"Goddess, he annoys me so much..." Sunset grumbled, readjusting her sack of crystals. "What's he going to conjure up with his share of the chaos shards? Sausages? Meh... hopes he chokes on them."

"H-hey!" Lancie grinned. "That's a great Trot Yorke song!"

"Lancie, word of advice," Rainbow muttered. "Only try being funny when you're being funny."

"Mmmmf..." Lancie shrugged. "So kill me for trying to shed some light on the angsty mega darkness."

Sunset chuckled.

Rainbow glanced at her.

"You know..." Sunset sighed. "In another time and in another place... ... ..." Her words lingered, and she bit her lip. A grunting sigh. "Never mind."

Rainbow gazed at her. After a few breaths, she leaned casually against the tree. "Say... can I ask you something?"

"No."

Rainbow asked her, "Weren't you once an apprentice to Princess Celestia or something?"

"Mrmmmfff..." Sunset rolled her eyes. "Don't remind me."

"So... like..." Rainbow squinted. "How does a mare go from being a star pupil of the most powerful goddess-horse in the world... to digging herself a hole beneath Dredgemane and trying to summon an army of ancient floating wheels to attack Equestria?"

"I couldn't get access to the mirror portals beneath Canterlot Castle because the young pegasus guard that I was used to seducing suddenly turned freaky-paranoid and rebuffed me."

"... ... ... ... ... ... ...huh???"

Sunset sighed. "Look. Harmony ain't all it's cracked up to be." She turned to glare at rainbow. "Your so-called 'goddess horse' is actually a cowardly equine afraid to make mountains move with truly powerful magic! Chaos is as equally viable a tool as its polar opposite. And until the head horns in Canterlot embrace that..." She snorted, then grumbled: "Nothing is ever going to change."

"Why's that a bad thing?" Rainbow shrugged. "Life in Equestria is awesome."

"Yes." Sunset nodded, then frowned. "Aside from dangerous biomes like the Everfree Forest, beasts that need to be locked away in Tartarus, killer Ursas and parasprites, and constant threats of war from griffons, yaks, dragons, minotaurs, and changelings alike."

"Yeesh... well..." Rainbow squirmed. "When you put it that way..." She blinked. "Wait." She looked over. "What's a 'changeling?'"

"You know nothing, peon," Sunset spat. Then huffed, glaring off at the starlit wasteland. "Nopony ever knows anything. Or if they do... they don't know enough. Princess Celestia thinks she can put a cork on it all... hold back the wave of hunger for knowledge and power." Sunset shook her head. "She can't. Not with just harmony."

"So... uhhhhhhh... you decided to become that 'wave of hunger for knowledge and power' by proxy?"

"Huh?"

Rainbow shrugged. "Just saying. You went full Saturday Morning Special villain down there in Dredgemane. Seems like an awfully dramatic leap from a goody-goody-four-shoes apprentice."

"If Celestia dealt with a threat... a legitimate threat to Equestria... then we might see her resorting to powers that previously she wouldn't have," Sunset remarked. "Instead of relying on the Elements or Friendship... we could see her having to do something truly wise to save the future of this realm." Sunset's nostrils flared. "Instead of taking the easy route—like banishing an enemy somewhere—she could finish the problem then and there, slit its throat," she hissed. "And chaos is the dagger for such a measure."

"And... you gotta make this happen by going full hay on her?" Rainbow's voice cracked. She gestured. "Why not just... y'know... talk it out? Share your concerns?"

"That's stupid. You're stupid." Sunset sighed, her ears drooping. "Besides... it's too late for that now."

Rainbow gazed at her sideways. "... ... ... you sure of that?"

"Yes. I am." Sunset frowned again. She adjusted the bag full of crystals. "And once my business with Don Canter is over with—"

"Assuming the jerkface ever actually gives you a share of the loot—"

"Once my business is done, I'm going to enact my latest plan. I swear... I will find a way to make Celestia step it up!" She turned to glare at the pegasus. "And once she crosses that line she once promised never to even look at, there will be no going back. Her and her sister will then have no choice but to protect Equestria at all costs." Sunset smiled, eyebrow twitching. "And there will be no more violence... no more suffering... no m-more unnecessary deaths..."

Rainbow's muzzle scrunched. She glanced at the sky... then she glanced at the wasteland... then her eyes darted over towards Sunset. "Like..." She raised an eyebrow. "... ... ... a filly unicorn's parents?"

"Huh?!" Sunset's breath exploded. "What?!" It exploded even harder. She spun around, nearly dropping her bag as she snarled at the pegasus. "What did you just say?!?!"

"Er... n-nothing!" Rainbow leaned back, smiling sheepishly. "I was... j-just wondering if Celestia was... l-like... more to you than just a 'mentor'—"

"She was a fool!" Sunset snarled. "A fool all along! A fool who lied to me!" her voice cracked.

"Okay. I got it. Chill." Rainbow leaned forward, wings relaxing. "You got your villainous monologue over with. I'm... satiated now."

"Mrmmmfff..." Sunset pouted. After a heaving breath, she stared back into the night's sky. Her hoof rubbed her eyes once... twice. "Friggin' friendship huffer... I would have been better off sticking around with Romulus."

"I'm not gonna argue that." Rainbow fanned herself, exhaling heavily.

"... ... ... ... ... can I ask you something?"

"...?" Rainbow looked at her. "Who, me?"

Sunset's shoulders shook. "You heard me."

"Uhm... shoot. I guess."

"... ... ...after all that happened in Dredgemane, and you got the shard out of my possession..." A glinting eye glanced at Rainbow over Sunset's shoulder. "...why did you use it to wipe everypony's memory?"

"Uhhhh..."

"Including your friends?" Sunset's teeth showed. "I thought you were supposed to be 'Loyalty'."

Rainbow gulped. "Not... all of us are after the shards for power and fame, girl." She cleared her throat. "Or to change the geo-political system of Canterlot, for that matter. Heh."

"Then just what are you after?"

"Depends on the season."

"Are you making fun of my question?"

"No. I'm not." Rainbow glared. "If you must know, there's a little filly in Ponyville who's dying right now. Getting another shard just might stop her from biting the bullet."

"... ... ... ... ... ...that's it?"

"Of course."

"You're... lying to me, of course."

"No." Rainbow shook her head. "I'm not." She smirked and held a hoof over her chest. "We're ponies, Sunset. We're all about being nice and good." She grimaced slightly, then shuddered. "At least... we're supposed to be."

Sunset's eyes narrowed. "Hmmm..." She turned to gaze ahead. "Well, I do hope you remember that."

Rainbow fidgeted, fighting a lump in her throat. "Yeah..."

Squirrelly Oop

"Is that it?" Sunset Shimmer asked, peering up at the night sky.

"Yes," Romulus grumbled, perching on the tree beside her.

"You sure?"

Romulus snorted. "What else could a giant square patch of darkness blocking out the stars and moving east be?"

"... ... ...your mom?"

"Okay guys..." Rainbow Dash touched down on the branch beside the two. "They're almost here."

"Who's almost here?"

"Who else." Rainbow ducked back, fell, then landed four branches down. She peered at the dark floor of the forest below and whistled.

Several furry bodies shifted in the shadows. One of them came scampering up the trunk of the tree she was in and perched next to her.

"Pony voman eez prrofesseeonal, da?" Brucie remarked, his goggles glinting full of starlight. "Brucie apprreciates punctual poniez."

"From the last time I was in there, I could have sworn I saw a huge front entrance," Rainbow said.

"Da. Vhere moat should be." He cocked his furry head aside. "Vinged pony doezn't plan on entering srough dere, Brucie hopez."

"No... but it'd be the best place to let you guys in," Rainbow Dash said. "There's no good reason for why the dragons should have to lower the gate. So... how 'bout I sneak in with my two partners, set up the ambush, and then—when the dragons are preoccupied—I'll open the gate. That'll be your queu to come in... erm... fur and weapons flying. Eheh..."

"Vhat kind of a seegnal pony eentends to geeve Brucie and freeendz?"

"Just look for the gate to come down," Rainbow said, pointing. "That can only mean I've lowered it. And I'll only have it lowered once the battle is waging. You guys leap in, flank the dragon, and then we all collectively force Aatxe to cough up the Flame Staff."

"And as soon as shards are no longer heez?"

"Your castle's grounded. You get to have your home back." Rainbow scratched her neck, gazing up at the dark horizon to the east. "Uhhhh... I-I can't promise any specific real estate. From how far the thing has flown, it's gonna land really close to the Griffon barricade."

"Bah..." Brucie waved a paw. "Dat eez fine. Mozer Rushnut haz vanted home een shade for long time." He whipped out a cigar and lit it. "Now avay veeth pony trrio! Time eez money, and Brucie eezn't made out of either."

"First thing's first..." Rainbow knocked the cigar out of his grip.

"Hey!" Brucie frowned, snarling up at her. "Srachishche!" he spat.

"Dragons can spot a flame super easy—doesn't matter how small it is." Rainbow flared her nostrils. "Don't give your position away or else this whole operation is a bust!"

"Hrmmfff..." Brucie folded his forelimbs. "Beeg Boss' brroodlingz aren't so tough."

"Yeah, well, the biggest of the bunch is literally named 'Blood Fire' So you be the judge." Rainbow turned towards the two villains up above her. "Good to go."

"Splendid," Romulus muttered. "Let's get this freakshow on the road, finally." He clasped Sunset's shoulder. "Got the crystals?"

"Yes. Try not to drop them... or me."

"Wouldn't that be a tragedy," Romulus muttered, and the three swiftly shot up towards the castle's shadow directly above.

"After me, guys," Rainbow said, mane rippling in the nightly breeze. "I'll lead the way."

I Once Caught a Lancie "THIS" Big!

"Okay, Lancie..." Rainbow whispered as she shuffled down the long, stone corridor, leading the infiltration. "...game plan time."

"What, now?" Lancie blinked.

"Pffft... you wanna wait until after the credits or what?"

"Eh..." Lancie shrugged, leaning back on her flank. "I figured we'd just distract the bad guys... go after the boss... and—y'know..." He shrugged. "Throw stuff at him."

"Throw stuff at him..."

"Right! Awesome, isn't it?"

"Ahem... sure. But..." Rainbow narrowed her eyes on him. "About the shards."

"They're awesome too."

"No doubt. When we get close enough to them... like..." She shrugged. "What do we do, exactly?"

"Well, presumably, direct contact with them would land us the smoking gun."

"But I tried to make that happen last time," Rainbow grumbled, trudging around the corner with Romulus and Sunset Shimmer in tow. "I bounced off like a blue ferret, remember?"

"Well, Sparky, that's only because you let your mane get so scruffy."

"Lancie," the pegasus hissed. "For real. What's with the shield on Aatxe's lame 'Flame Staff?'"

"It's my guess that he's used the chaos power within the shards to summon a protective energy field around it."

"He can do that?"

"Evidently."

"But... I figured he had to... I dunno..." Rainbow shrugged in mid-trot. "Channel it through you or something."

"That's how it's worked for everybody's favorite petite pegasus, Sparky, but not for Top Dog... not for Photo Finish... not for the Sons of Shindig... and not for Betty Miss Baconhead back there."

"I heard that," Sunset grumbled.

"Okay." Rainbow nodded. "Good point."

"If I were to venture to guess..." Lancie examined his granite talons. "Aatxe has so much of his ego riding on this Flame Staff thingy. Perhaps if he was to lose his focus, then the beam would dissipate. You could smash it apart. I could reconnect with my lesser selves. Something something something bad guys..." He grinned wide. "Profit!"

"Works for me," Rainbow said, wincing slightly. "Well... most of it."

"I'm not the one writing it, sweetcheeks."

"I'm hoping that our double distraction is enough to make the little peewee lose his focus."

"Oh yeah!" Lancie formed fists and boxed the stuffy castle air. "The good one-two squirrel-and-thug combination! It always leaves them reeling!"

"Of course, Blood Fire is going to be the biggest obstacle," Rainbow muttered. "We can't even get to the Flame Staff—shield or no shield—if that punk is in the way."

"Shhhhh!" Romulus hissed.

Rainbow scuffled to a stop, looking over her shoulder. "What? It's a solid observation—"

"No! Idiots!" Romulus rushed forward and shoved Rainbow and Lancie to the cold stone floor. "Keep your heads down!"

"Gah! Dude! What gives—"

Romulus pointed silently to the right.

Rainbow looked to see that a low-arched grate had formed in the wall, complete with rusted iron bars. Bright amber firelight flickered directly through the spaces, accompanied with grunting breaths, blazing heat, and the pungent scent of sulfur.

Curious, Rainbow Dash crawled on her belly. Romulus joined her, and soon the two were gazing out onto a wide-open courtyard full of dragon broodlings. The place was large, open, and occupied the bulk of the castle's area. What's more, it was absolutely crawling with dozens upon dozens of Aatxe's older brothers. The draconian figures slithered around, breathing fire to stoke the flames while wrestling with each other for tender morsels of hydra meat. Piles of bones littered the corner, belonging to all manner of crazy wasteland beast. In the midst of their roughhousing, a few dragons body-slammed each other into the courtyard's surface, sending chunks of brick and mortar flying everywhere amidst a cavalcade of wild laughter.

"Is... is that all of them?" Sunset whispered from behind.

"Hrmmm..." Romulus' eye narrowed. "Seems to be what the scaly bastards do to 'retire' at night. I'm betting this is most of them. Only a few stragglers are on patrol."

"Not like these guys are suspecting anything," Rainbow said.

"And let's hope it continues to be that way." Romulus gestured. "Come." He scurried ahead. "We should go back down a few more levels to set up the transportation circle."

"Right," Sunset said, nodding.

"If we materialize our allies far enough away, we can set up a proper ambush. Maybe climb up to the top levels and attack the broodlings while they're in the courtyard."

"Like shooting fish in a barrel!" Sunset said.

"Exactly."

"Ugh..." Lancie groaned, pulling at his stone features as the group descended a staircase. "I loathe barrels."

"Really?" Rainbow breathed. "Well, I hate fish."

"See? I knew we made such goor friends for a reason, Sparky."

Acrid 2: The Acriding

Acrid 2: The Acriding

"How about here?" Romulus grunted, gesturing into a narrow room.

"Not enough room," Sunset Shimmer said. She galloped ahead, peering into corridor after corridor within the belly of the floating castle. "We need a more open space for the teleportation spell to work properly."

"Also, this is too close to where the dragons are," Rainbow Dash said. "They're right above us. Heck... I can still smell the methane from their breaths."

"Don't you mean 'sulfur?'" Lancie suggested.

Rainbow blinked at him. "Wait, what?"

"What?"

"Mrmmmf..." Romulus gestured. "Another level down."

"Is there another level down?" Sunset stammered. She readjusted the weight of the bags hanging off her flank. "Feels like we've been crawling in one big vertical circle."

"Yeah, well, so long as it's a circle that gets us somewhere, we're good," Rainbow said. "I don't care if we end up in the dragons' pottery barn. So long as we can properly get the jump on them."

"Hey!" Romulus' voice squawked from up ahead, echoing up the stairwell.

"Shhhh!" Sunset frowned, galloping down to approach the level he was on. "Are you crazy, ya friggin' vulture?! Do you want to give away our position?"

"How about here?" Romulus stood in the center of a large, spacious chamber. It resembled a wine cellar with several brick compartments separated by columns, connected by arches. In the center of the room was the decrepit remains of an elaborately grown tree, full of tiny squirrel homes. "Don't think any of the dragons would bother squeezing down here anyway!"

"Hmmmm..." Sunset shuffled to a stop. "Good enough." She glanced over. "Rainbow? What do you think?"

Romulus blinked. "Why are you getting her opinion?" he belched.

"Looks good to me," Rainbow said with a nod. "How long—do you think—it takes to set up the teleportation circle?"

"Not long at all. Seconds. It's charging the spell that takes a while," Sunset said.

"Like... how long?"

"Minutes. Definitely. Ten minutes tops."

"Right." Rainbow looked over her shoulder. "Shall we look for that ambush zone now?"

"Hrmmmfff..." Romulus shuffled past her.

"Well?" Rainbow arched an eyebrow. "Ya frumpy quail?!"

"I don't like it when you pretend like you're the brains of this, soft-hooves."

"Well, you already lost your balls about three fights ago, so why should you be trusted with the brain?"

"Why you cesspool haired glue stick—!"

"Knock it off!" Sunset barked. "Both of you! I'll set up the summoning spell!" She gestured. "Go find your stupid attack point. Come back in ten minutes and we'll get this show on the road!"

"There you go!" Rainbow smirked, galloping ahead of Romulus. "Brains and beauty."

"Hmmmf... balls..." And Romulus clambered after her while Sunset sighed, concentrating on her work.

Destractoid

"Don't go too far ahead, soft-hooves," Romulus growled, scampering through the hallways directly after the flighty pegasus. "I don't want you leaving my sight."

"Awwwwwwwww..." Lancie smirked back at him. "It's so good to have a catbird that cares."

"Mrmmmfff... My only consolation is that I won't have to tolerate you forever," Romulus muttered.

Lancie leaned back, whispering into Rainbow's ear. "Now there's a spot of slime you can't shake."

"What I need is a good rinse," Rainbow mumbled in return. She swiftly ascended a winding staircase that led up one of the castle's walls. Through severa slitted windows, she could gaze down into the courtyard through of rowdy draconian bodies. "The stench of this whole journey is going to stick with me for days."

"Better than your entire life, I suppose."

"Meh."

"But in all seriousness..." Lancie leaned in closer, murmuring into her ear: "You've tied so many knots in this taut balancing rope of yours." He glanced back at the griffon. "When, perhaps, do you plan on snipping it altogether?"

"Hmmm?"

"I only presumed that was the entire plan all along," Lancie said as the two reached the top of the vertical passage. Two doors opened up on either side of them, leading out into torchlight and stars. "Unless you honestly wish to parlay with these vagabandits forever."

"No, Lancie," Rainbow grunted under her breath. "I don't."

"So... when does the rainbow get to dash their dreams, hmmm?"

"I'm working on it—"

"Shhhhh!" Romulus caught up. "You two! Stop hissing like snakes!"

"Huh? But we weren't—"

Romulus gestured for the pegasus to "zip it." He pointed down the south end of the wall.

Rainbow peered through the nearest doorway, following the assassin's talon.

Two rather large dragons were perched along the west fortifications of the structure. One held a beastly femur in his claws while his teeth gnawed and gnawed at the calcified lengths of it. A few ramparts down, another dragon sat, gazing down at the bonfire in the central courtyard. He yawned, snorting smoke while teetering on the edge of sleep.

"Well..." Romulus sighed, peering over Rainbow's shoulder as the two spied the draconian pair. "So much for setting up an ambush spot here."

"Maybe they'll move..." Rainbow thought aloud.

"Somehow, I don't think so," Romulus grumbled. "It would appear that these creatures aren't nocturnal. I suspect they're going to roost here for the night."

"Then maybe the opposite ramparts?"

"We'll have to get there first. How much time has passed?"

"Three minutes?"

"Sunset will be ready in about seven. Let's move." Romulus narrowed his eye. "Quietly..."

"Don't need to tell us a second time, fluffykins." Lancie turned back to Rainbow. "But really, though..." He whispered to her. "...what do you have planned?"

Rainbow blinked. Her eyes stared off beyond the stars. "...that depends..."

"On what?"

"How easily I can lose Romulus..."

"I'm sure we can find a cannon around here somewhere."

"No... I need something else," Rainbow muttered. "Like a distraction."

"Distractions! Brilliant! Need help with that?"

"Sure." Then—flippantly—Rainbow Dash grabbed Lancie by his stone tail and flung him straight out onto the wall's outer walkway. Th-Thud!

Every feather on Romulus' body stuck straight out. He spun about, eye wide.

The two dragons looked over.

"Oh. Wow. Lancie." Rainbow droned. "I. Can't. Believe. How. Clumsy. You. Are."

"Uhhhhhhhhhhh..." Lancie gazed straight up at the sky. "Imagine that." His granite eyes darted over towards the dragons. "Is there a problem, officers?"

Th-Thunk! The femur bone dropped to the stone floor. Both dragons stalked towards the doorframe, hissing and spewing flames.

"Crud!" Romulus hollered, turning tail in an instant. "Run! Move! Lose them!"

"Right!" Rainbow grabbed Lancie off the stone floor and jumped out of reach of the flames. "Losing losing losing—!"

With thick, leather wings, the two dragons soared after the two, their breaths charring the edges of the stairwell walls as they dove through the depths of the castle.

Sure, Why Not

"Crap crap crap!" Romulus growled aside at Rainbow Dash. "Next time, shove that worthless talking paperweight of yours into an incinerator!"

"I don't need a tan! Thanks, though!" Lancie wheezed, gripping onto Rainbow's tail as she and the griffon flew rapidly through the hallways of the castle. "Although I wasn't the one who tripped myse—"

"Wow. Lancie. Your. Clumsiness. Is. Epic." Rainbow nevertheless droned as she and Romulus zig-zagged to avoid the heated dragons in pursuit behind them. "There must be a way to salvage this situation!"

"I'm afraid I don't read you, Sparky," Lancie wheezed. "You've turned into a connect-the-dots book underwater and I wanna know why." He blinked. "Wait, what am I saying?"

"Hurry!" Romulus sputtered. "We gotta lose them! They're so close, I can smell the sulfur in their breaths!"

"Don't you mean hydrogen sulf—?"

"Lancie, not now!"" Rainbow pointed up ahead. "Quick! Before we perform a perfect loop, let's duck down into the basement levels!"

"What?!" Romulus' beak twisted. "But that's where Sunset is!"

"There're waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more places to lose them down there! And as for Sunset, we'll grab her then split up!"

"You're thinking we can confuse them in the maze of corridors?"

"Exactly!"

Romulus gnashed his beak. "I hate to say it... but it might be our only option right now. Let's go!"

"Huh..." Lancie smirked. "I think I'm starting to see what you're—" Rainbow flicked her tail, knocking him into a passing wall. Thwack! "Okay. Ow."

"Go go go!" Rainbow's voice cracked as the two dove.

Down in the cellar, Sunset Shimmer sat in a meditative stance. Her horn started glowing slowly, spreading a golden warmth across the crystals in front of her.

Her ears flicked... then flicked again. Her eyes opened, and she turned her neck towards the sound of rising commotion.

Breathless, Rainbow Dash and Romulus soared into the room.

"We've got a big problem!" Rainbow stammered.

"On your hooves. Now!" Romulus barked.

"Huh?! On my hooves?" Sunset stood up. "My spell is nearly ready! What's the big deal—"

"We've been spotted," Romulus said.

"Right now, two huge dragons are on our tail!" Rainbow added.

"Wh-what?!" Sunset's coat went white as a sheet. "What did you idiots do?!"

"No time to talk! We gotta lose them!" Rainbow said.

"But...b-but..." Sunset pointed at the circle. "My crystals—"

"Leave them."

"Leave them?!?!"

"If we don't lose them, there'll be no need for them, because we'll be dead! Here..." Romulus grabbed a dusty tarp from the corner. "Soft hooves!"

"On it!" Rainbow gathered loose hay, splinters, and debris. Once Romulus laid the sheet over the shards, she splattered the detritus over it... making it blend with the rest of the decrepit floor. "That'll do!"

"This is madness—!" Sunset squeaked.

"Yup!" Romulus grabbed her. "Now hold your breath!" He took off, feathers rustling as the entrance to the cellar glowed with a brilliant orange fire. The sound of scaled wings increased tenfold. "I'll go north!"

"And I'll go south!"

"You think we can lose them?!" Sunset yelped.

"They seem pretty smitten with us!" Lancie said.

"Everyone!" Rainbow soared off while Romulus darted in the opposite direction. "Lose them and come back here so we can reunite! We can still totally do this!"

"Ah jeez..." Sunset flinched in Romulus' grip. "Ah jeez—"

And in twin streaks of flapping wings, the group parted ways and vanished.

Seconds passed...

Half a minute...

FWOOOSH! Two angry dragons flew into the cellar. They hovered close to the ceiling, bumping their heads on more than one occasion. Growling, they looked left and right, their nostrils glowing with brilliant heat.

With a snort of brimstone, one slapped the other's spine. Once he got his attention, he pointed down one corridor and then another.

The other dragon nodded. Then—with tails whipping—the dragons flew off towards the furthest ends of the multi-level basement, searching for their prey.

One minute passed...

Two...

A petite blue figure slithered out from behind a cleft of craggy bricks. She waved the fumes of dragonsmoke out from before her muzzle, trotted into the center of the abandoned cellar... ... ...and smirked.

Oh Right, This Story

"Hrmmmff... blghblbhhgghhll..." Aatxe slept on the edge of his throne, rolled up into a rolly polly little ball of scales. "Hmmmfhghh... crusty jewels..." He snorted, producing a tiny column of smoke. His lips curved under shifty eyelids. "Hmmmffnngh... dipped in brimstone..." He pulled his claw up to his snout and sucked on a single thumb.

From the far end of the throne room—in the burning red aura of many-many lanterns—a pair of dragons zoomed up. They hovered in place, panting.

"... ... ...go on. Tell him."

"No, you tell him!"

The broodlings hissed with one another.

"You're the one who lost them!"

"No, I'm the one who bound them!"

"Not how I remember it!"

"How do you lose a horse that colorful anyway?"

"Look... just go up there... wake him up... and tell him."

"I-I can't do that!"

"What, are you afraid? Big Boss is a little pipsqueak compared to us!"

"I'm not afraid of Aatxe! I'm afraid of the big glowy death staff that Aatxe owns!"

"Oh for the love of—"

THUD! Four massive claws landed on the floor in front of two, causing both broodlings to yelp and hug each other in midair.

Snorting smoke and brimstone, Blood Fire leaned in, his big slitted eyes reflecting their shivering faces. "Does there seem to be a problem?" his bass voice reverberated.

"N-no! Bro! Not at all!"

"... ... ...only... uhm... just one tiny thing..." The other broodling smiled nervously at Blood Fire. "We... uh... j-just ran into a pony and a griffon."

"Did you eat them?"

"What, did you want a piece?"

Claws scraped towards them, showering their tails with sparks and flecks of mortar. "You two were on guard duty tonight..." Blood Fire exhaled into their trembling snouts. "Surely you caught them... and dispensed with their crunchy limbs."

"Griffons are crunchy?"

"Dude!" The other dragon slapped his skittish brother. "Shut it!"

Blood Fire sighed. "...they got away, didn't they?"

"Erm... y-yes..." The broodlings gulped.

"I see now that I have failed in properly training you both to fly fast..." Blood Fire grumbled.

"Not your fault, big bro!" One broodling gulped. "You're always busy in here... guarding Aatxe's stupid staff!"

Blood Fire exhaled long chains of smoke. "I know..."

The two younger siblings tared

Blood Fire caught them doing so. "Rrrrrrgh!" He lashed forward, jaws of white fangs snapping. "Go! Fly! Cover every square inch of the Castle! These invaders want only one thing and we need to silence them once and for all!"

"Yes! Blood Fire! S-sure thing!"

"Should we gather the others?"

"Mrmmmfff... no." Blood Fire shook his snout. "If I know the rest of the brood, you'll all just bump into one another in those cramped hallways. Go and resume your search while I... nnnngh... wake Big Boss from his cat nap."

"Sure thing! We'll get right on that!"

"Go! Go!"

Both dragon whelps flew out on heated wings.

Meanwhile, Blood Fire scuffled about. He stared down at the tiny infant dragon, then stifled a groan. Leaning in, he reached a claw over and tapped Aatxe's scales repeatedly.

"Big Boss... Big Boss..."

"Mrmmmfffnghhh... guhhh... mwap..." Aatxe stirred and yawned.

"I am sorry to wake you from your much important slumber, but we have a situation right now."

"Mmmmfff... no, Mommy... I'll... I'll wear the tiara later... heeeeeee..."

Blood Fire's eyes slits narrowed. He leaned back, tilted his jaws towards the throneroom's ceiling, and blew bright-white-hot flame. PHWOOOMB!

Aatxe's eyes popped open. With a high-pitched squeal, he leapt up onto the top of his throne, reached a claw out, and levitated the Flame Staff briskly to his grip. "Stay b-back! Invaders!" He waved the chaos shards around, trembling. "I'll turn you all into chickens! I swear it!" He gulped. "Roast you over an open... ... ...fire?" He looked up, blinking.

Blood Fire gazed down at him. "Hello brother."

"Bah! What is the meaning of this?!" Aatxe shook his tiny claw. "I could have turned you into a mountain of chickens! Or chicken eggs!"

"We have a situation," Blood Fire said. "Infiltrators."

"Is it the squirrels again?"

"Negatory."

"Pffft! Then why wake me up for that?"

"It appears to be the pony again."

Aatxe levitated the staff back and sat down on his rump. "Uh huh. So big whoop."

"And a griffon."

Aatxe paused, blinking. "...what would a griffon be doing here?"

"The only griffon who's ever laid eyes on the Flame Staff... is one who could only lay one eye."

"Yes... but how... how could he have found us?"

"I think it is worth an investigation, brother."

"I don't care what you think!" Aatxe spat. "I'm the Big Boss here! Momma arranged it that way! So I make the rules!"

"Very well." Blood Fire leaned back. "What do you propose?"

"... ... ..." Aatxe squirmed in his seat. "I... th-think you should go conduct an investigation."

"Mrmmmmfffnnngh..." Blood Fire stormed off with a swish of his massive tail.

Aatxe craned his neck after him. "And bring me some crunchy brimstone while you're at it! I'm famished from all that... power napping! Yeah..."

"Dashed" With a Capital D

Romulus craned his neck, staring out into the adjacent hallways to where he and Sunset Shimmer were crouched, hiding. His one good eye reflected torchlight and vacant corridors.

Sunset leaned in, hushed and trembling. "Any... any sign of them?"

"Mmmmm... no..."

"Then the coast is clear?"

"Difficult to say," Romulus grumbled. "These dragons should know the lay of the land by now, but every time I see them fly these halls, I get the distinct impression they don't really know their way around here."

"Then that gives us an advantage, right?"

"Mrmmmmff... why are you so worried?"

"Because my leylines are chock full with this unspent teleportation spell!" Sunset frowned. "I can't afford to use my magic to save us from anything else!"

"Must be a brand new thing for a pony like you to feel naked."

"Eugh... could you just check to see if the dragons are really... really gone?"

"And I'm telling you..." Romulus' beak nostrils snorted as he peered right. "It's not safe enough to do that yet." He looked left. "At least not until I know for sure if—"

"They're gone," Rainbow said in his face.

Schiiiing! Romulus pulled out a dagger out and—

Grip! Rainbow caught his talon calmly with her hoof. She exhaled. "Easy there, slickfeathers. I just checked both ends of the hallway. Now's our chance to make a break for the dungeon again."

Lancie leaned over her shoulder. "Also, she totally just snuck up on an expert assassin." He winked. "I'd suggest removing five letters from that last word and adding a 'fat' to the front. It'd describe you better."

"Hrmmmmffff..." Romulus frowned, sheathing his blade. "And just where the Hell were you all this time?"

"Wondering where the heck you guys were," Rainbow said. "But now that we've found each other, let's make a break for it, huh?"

Sunset snuck out, trembling slightly. "They... they really didn't send the rest of the brood after us?"

Rainbow shook her head. "Doesn't look like it. I'd say we take advantage of it."

"We won't by standing here." Romulus gave the two ponies a shove. "Move, already!"

"We're moving! We're moving! Jeez... ya molting crow." Sunset grumbled, galloping along. She muttered aside to Rainbow Dash: "Next time we have to split up, I wanna be with you."

Rainbow said nothing.

In very little time at all, the group arrived in the basement to the Castle. The tarp and detritus used to obscure the crystals were right where the group had left it.

"Finally!" Sunset Shimmer galloped into the center of the room. "Oh, wow, I thought all was lost."

"Why's it so dark in here?" Romulus asked.

"The dragons flew through here at one point," Rainbow explained. "Their wings must have snuffed out the torchlight."

"Hmmmmm..." Romulus looked over his shoulder. "You still got juice for the transportation spell?"

"You bet!" Sunset said, squatting down and aiming her glowing horn. "Ready as I'll ever be."

With a grunt, Rainbow yanked the tarp off, revealing the finely-set circle. "Let 'er rip, girl!"

"The sooner we get Don Canter and the gang here, the better," Romulus said with a nod.

"Okay... stand back..." Sunset narrowed her eyes. A pulse of light grew along the tip of her horn, growing brighter and brighter. "Here... they all... come...!" And she released the spell with an emormous flash!.

Romulus squinted. Then—before him and Sunset—the beam of light flew over the summoning circle, levitated a bit, and shot straight up through the ceiling. "... ... ...wait."

"Huh?!" Sunset gasped, jaw dropping. "The... the stones!"

"What happened?!" Romulus snarled.

"My spell was supposed to enchant the transportation crystals!" Sunset's voice cracked. "I don't understand why it would shoot off like that!"

"... ... ...!" Romulus looked to the right side of the room.

Rainbow Dash was gone.

He looked to the left. Still no sign of the pegasus. Seething, he flew straight forward, reached out, and hoisted one of the stones from the circle...

Only it wasn't a stone at all... but a glaring chunk of bone, gnawed all over with dragonteeth marks.

Sunset gawked, her ears drooped. She summoned a beam of light, illuminating the floor. Each and every crystal had been replaced with pieces of bone and beastly femurs. "But... but..."

Romulus stared at her.

Sunset looked back. "Wh-where are the actual stones?"

Dead silence.

Both tilted their heads up to the ceiling.

Thirty seconds ago...

Sunset's glowing spell flew up through several stone floors... then illuminated a neatly hidden row of red-and-pink crystals. They all glowed a bright crimson, and then—

FL-FLASSSSH!

Dozens of ponies and diamond dogs materialized, wielding their weapons and standing back to back. Top Dog twirled his spear. Flim and Flam readied their catapult device. Don Canter stood in the center of the group, holding a jar with a rolling green eye.

"Alright! Good job, toots. Now let's go upstairs and bag us some... ... ..." His breath trailed off. "... ... ...dragons?"

Every thug and villain blinked. They stood along the southern edge of a massive, open courtyard... surrounded by discarded bones... ... ...

... ... ...and dozens upon dozens of large, fire-breathing, razor-toothed dragons. The entire brood of Aatxe stood frozen in their nightly reverie, staring at the tiny morsels who had just landed in their midst. They snorted smoke and reared their glistening fangs.

"Hmmmf..." Don Canter flicked his cigar. "...well, poo."

"HRESSSSSSSSHAAAA!" The dragons all pounced on the group in a flurry of leather wings and lacerating claws.

"Aaaaaaaaaugh!"

"Gaaaah!"

"Buck it! Attack!"

"Don't leave any standing!"

"Woof!"

Flames, bullets, spears, and boulders flew in a blinding, violent melee of epic preportions.

It Was Bound To Happen Sometime

The chaos and bedlam of the courtyard could be heard all throughout the castle.

Even in the stairwell, Rainbow Dash heard the echoes of screaming voices and growling snouts. She flew up out of the vertical shaft and landed on the floor of a long corridor.

"Sounds like the kickoff's already started," Lancie said, gazing ahead. "You suppose this is the distraction that you wanted?"

"That remains to be seen." Rainbow Dash galloped ahead. At last, she reached a long horizontal window looking in on the courtyard. She glanced through—and almost regretted it. Two bullets pinged off the windowframe, narrowly missing her skull. This was followed by a catapulted chunk of burning wood and metal that landed violently close. POW! As the smoke cleared, Rainbow peered out in time to see dragons fighting off scores of diamond dogs while several of Don Canter's henchstallions flanked from the side, guns blazing.

"Okay..." Lancie exhaled. "That's a distraction and a half."

Rainbow gulped, watching as a green glowing jar went flying over the melee. "We're not even finished yet."

"You're for real, Sparky?" Lancie peered down into her face. "I swear... if I had freckles and a brown stetson, I'd practically be in love by now!"

"Eugh... don't go there."

"There are worse places to go." Lancie gestured out at the courtyard full of flames and screams. "Exhibit A, for instance."

Before Rainbow could retort, both she and the statue heard a reverberating shriek rising up from the stone stairwell behind them. The pegasus spun about, grimacing.

"Doth my ears hear the battle cry of an enraged pigeon?" Lancie sang.

"Go time!" Rainbow spun and galloped for the very front of the castle.

Within seconds, Romulus slid out of the stairwell, claws scraping and producing sparks. "YOU!" He broke into feathery pursuit. Meanwhile, Sunset stumbled out of the stairwell and collapsed with a heavy gasp upon seeing the chaos.

"Nnnngh!" Rainbow sprinted and sped down the main corridor. "Gotta go fast!"

"You... filthy... pile of putrid horse meat!" Romulus soared after her. Schiiiing! He produced two daggers, scraping them threateningly against the walls. "To think that I ever... ever trusted you!"

Rainbow came to a quivering stop before a massive wooden gate. She looked all around, cornered.

Scrkkkk! Romulus grinded to a halt, facing her. His one good eye flared as he spat: "You've ruined everything! Everything!"

Rainbow spun about, gulping. "For you, maybe..."

"Shut it! I don't want to hear another word!" Romulus pointed a dagger her way. "Only screams."

"Yeah, uh..." Rainbow finally found what she was looking for—a lever to her right. She swung a hoof over and yanked it. "I'll get back to you on that."

"What do you think you're—?!" Romulus' voice was overtaken by the enormous thud of the Castle's front gate falling open. "Huh?! What's—?!"

"DEES EEZ OUR MOMENT, BROSERZ!" A flying squirrel with glinting goggles stood on the other side, pumping an enormous shotgun brimming with electrical energy. "TAKE BACK SQUIRREL HOME! FOR MOZER RUSHNUT!"

"Hey!" Romulus sputtered. Rainbow Dash ran away, and he lunged for her. "Don't you—"

"FOR MOZER RUSHNUT!!!!" A veritable wave of fur and bushy tails soared into the castle, plowing Romulus over.

"Gaah! Sh-shit!" Romulus' skull collided with the wall while his body was trampled by hundreds and hundreds of tiny paws.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" A living sea of enraged rodentia flooded the Castle. They attacked the dragons from the side, clinging to them, biting and stabbing and firing their stupidly large rifles. What was once a bloody two-sided melee turned into a threefold bath of carnage and righteous retribution.

"Aim for zeir eyeballz, comrades!" Brucie lit his cigar with the tip of his gun and pumped it. "Iz softest part of drragon oser dan nutz, da?" BLAM! BLAM! BL-BLAM! "Da! Suck on Brucie's lead puneeshment!" BL-BLAM!

Loyalty's Last Leg

"Whew!" Lancie held onto Rainbow's saddlebag for dear life. "Who invited the Squirreltrooper Convention?" He blinked, then pointed at the pegasus. "Oh. Right. It was you." He pumped a granite fist. "Semper Forage! Hahahahaha—whoah!"

Rainbow suddenly galloped straight out into the fray, darting left and right in a desperate zig zag. She sprinted deep into the courtyard, leaping over fallen dragon bodies, dodging streams of bullets, and narrowly dodging the random screaming squirrel or diamond dog.

"Okay, Sparky... I know you're taking your sweet-flank time... beating around the bush to get to Princess Frecklestan and all..." He grunted, climbing his way up her mane so that he could scream into her fuzzy ears: "But have you lost your fruit-punch-flavored mind?!"

"Look!" Rainbow panted, dodging and dashing. "I just gotta do a quick little something! That's all!"

Lancie ducked as a random henchstallion flew overhead, performing the Whinnyhelm scream. "Does it have to involve diving tonsils-deep into the Kaizopocalypse?"

"What are you afraid of, huh?" Rainbow grinned—then grunted as she had to side-step out of the way from burning plumes of flame and catapult projectiles. "You're made of stone! You can survive this!"

"Well maybe that's not what I'm concerned about!" Lancie snarled. "You ever think of that?"

"Then what's the big deal?"

"I... uhm... erm..." Lancie gulped, shook his head, and pointed towards an incoming shadow. "Dragon butt."

"Gaah!" Rainbow propelled herself with her wings, diving out of the way—

SMASSSH! An enormous dragon draped across the center of the courtyard, spilling chunks of mortar and brick. With an obese grunt, a frazzled Don Canter in a torn suit landed on top of his belly. P-Pow! He fired a sawed-off shotgun into the dragon's chin and spat on the charred scales. "Hmmmfff! Reject my offer, will ya?" He turned—and his head jerked upon seeing Rainbow Dash.

"Okay, show's over, Sparky." Lancie tugged and tugged at her neck. "Get up. Get up!"

"Gnnngh..." Rainbow winced, flexing her numb, tingling limbs. "I'm... trying..."

"You!" Ch-Chtung! He cocked his shotgun and aimed it down at the mare, smoking angry rings into the burning night sky. His voice growled over the angry melee churning all around them. "Either you're... A... the dumbest broad I ever met... or B... some psycho bimbo I shoulda hired months ago instead of that spruced-up one-eyed chicken."

"Uhhhhh..." Rainbow winced as a shrieking diamond dog on fire ran past her. "...can I take the physical challenge?"

"I'll tell ya what ya can take!" Don Canter aimed down the sights of his boomstick, directly at her. "You can take a healthy dose of burning lead straight up your lov—"

CHOMP! A dragon bit savagely over the fat pony's body and shook the carcass left and right. A half-dozen squirrels pounced on the beast and rolled them over into a diamond dog mine... where they all promptly exploded.

Rainbow Dash shielded herself from the burning strips of scale and bushy tail. She blinked into the resulting plume and ash. "Well." She blinked. "That works too."

Lancie gulped. "Mark Summares, eat your heart out."

"There!" Rainbow suddenly gasped, pointing to the far side of the deadly arena.

"What's so special about there?" Lancie sputtered. "Other than the fact that it's slightly not here?"

"Just hang on!" Rainbow Dash got back up on all fours—limped slightly—but steadied her atrophying limbs with flapping wings. "I just gotta grab one before they all bite the dust?"

"One what?"

"Oh no..." Rainbow grimaced, watching as Top Dog and three other diamond dogs twirled spears, shoving a large broodling towards her destination. Her eyes focused on the glint of several ruby teleportation stones that she had stealthily placed there several minutes earlier. "Come on... come on..."

Top Dog let out a howl. He thrusted forward, shoving the blade of his spear deep into the dragon's chest. The broodling let out a pained roar and teetered backwards, his shadow covering the gems.

"Come on come on come on come on!" Rainbow hissed, flying forward.

"Hate to break it to ya, Sparky!" Lancie clung tightly, wincing from the shadow. "But it's about to be Butt O'Clock!"

Swoooosh! Rainbow flew under the collapsing dragon and—

THUDDDD!

—she rolled to a clumsy stop along the other side. Her body tumbled against a stone partition, where she found herself breathlessly clutching an enchanted ruby to her chest. Sweating, she looked over.

The bloodied dragon's body had crushed the rest of the teleportation stones to dust.

"Whew..." Rainbow stood up. "That was close." She flinched, dodging bursts of flame and gunshots as she slinked away from the nonstop fight scene. "Gotta carry this off."

"To where?" Lancie sputtered. "Whom?"

"Just keep your eye out for bacon!" Rainbow barked, breaking into a three-legged gallop. "I swear, while loyalty still beats within my bosom."

"Snkkkt—heeheehee!"

Rainbow frowned. "What's so funny?"

"Hahaha—you said 'bosom.'"

"Yeah..." Rainbow glanced sideways at the explosions and devastation. "...guess there's always one in the crowd."

The Phantom Pegasus

It was three flaming breath dodges and two fallen body hurdles later that Rainbow Dash finally saw Sunset Shimmer. The unicorn flinched and trembled on the sidelines to the melee. Her knees wobbled and her coat had gone all pale.

Rainbow ducked a squirrel-fly-by and bucked aside a lurching diamond dog. At last, cradling the crystal to her chest, she slid up to her target. "Hey! Sunset!"

Sunset Shimmer's eyes instantly jolted in the mare's direction. Her teeth showed as she snarled: "You..."

"Quick! Take this!" Rainbow held the crystal out. "You gotta take this and—" ZAP! A manabolt struck her forehead. "OW! Sonuva..."

"This is all your fault!" Sunset shook, sneered. She dragged a hoof across the floor as her horn sizzled. "Look at what you've done!"

"A little hard to..." Rainbow rubbed her forehead, winding, frowning. "...when you're giving me electrosuck treatment!"

"Shut up! I've lost everything!" Sunset sobbed. "Everything because of you!"

"Look, will you just calm down and—"

"Do you have any idea... any idea how much I gave up to get th-this far?!" Sunset heaved. Her bulging eyes jerked towards the fight, and blossoming tears glittered with the sporadic breaths of flame. "This was going to be my chance. My one last chance to make things right!"

"No, Sunset..."

"Nnnngh!" Sunset turned to gallop away. "Get away from me—!"

Swooosh! Rainbow flew in front of her, blocking her way. "THIS..." She held the teleportation crystal out in her hooves. "...is your one chance!"

"What...?!" Sunset jerked in place, tears flying loose. "The teleportation crystals..." She reached out with a trembling hoof, barely touching it. "You..." She looked up at the pegasus. "You saved one?"

"Is it enough for you to get home with?"

"Yeah, but—"

"But nothing!" Rainbow thrusted the thing forward. "Take it!"

"I... I can only take m-myself!" Sunset's pale expression wafted over the maddening fight beyond. "What—... the others?"

"You don't owe them a darn thing. You never have."

"No... it's too late..." Sunset seethed. "If I go back to Equestria, I'm a fugitive."

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"What w-would I-I even do?!" Sunset exclaimed, grasping her mane.

Rainbow leaned forward. "Go to Celestia."

Sunset's lungs emptied in a gasp. She stared straight ahead, pupils shrunken.

"Go to her. Confront what you love and hate... instead of... grnnngh... running around all half-baked trying to fit your square-shaped life through a round hole!"

"Uhhhh..." Lancie poked his head out of Rainbow's saddlebag. "Sparky?"

Rainbow batted him off and glared at Sunset. "Dang it, girl, I'm giving this to you and you alone because you're attached to the Princess' hip! And if my loyalty to Twilight means anything, then I'm gonna make this happen even if I have to drag you there myself!" She pointed. "But it's a long friggin' way flying back with dragons on your tail so take the stupid crystal!"

She shoved it into Sunset's grip.

Sunset clasped her hooves around the ruby. She shivered in place. "But... b-but what if Celestia doesn't even take me in?"

"Of course she will, you idiot." Rainbow smirked devilishly. "She's Celestia."

Sunset stared, gaping.

"Listen to me." Rainbow leaned forward once more. "Clean up your life. Make something good out of yourself or else jerkfaces even worse than these guys and me combined will be dragging you into an even deeper pit of Tartarus. Got that?"

Sunset shuddered. Eventually, a dull nod shook through her body.

"Now go!" Rainbow flew backwards, waving. "Let... the bacon come back to life. Or something. I dunno."

"What... wh-what do I tell her?" Sunset glanced around at the ongoing mayhem. "About this?"

"I don't care."

Sunset blinked.

"I know what I'm here for," Rainbow said, flying off. "I always have. Now beat it!"

Sunset took several deep breath. Her horn glowed, and she held the ruby tightly to her chest.

FLASH!

As the yellow strobe dissipated, Rainbow snuck a look over her shoulder.

Beyond the fighting bodies and random explosions, she saw the corner empty where Sunset had been.

Rainbow took a deep breath. Flapping her wings harder, she ascended above the chaos, flying towards the nearest stairwell.

"Well, Sparky?" Lancie leaned towards her ear. "What now?"

"Now..." She clenched her teeth. "...we win the day."

Escalationatron

"Mrmmmff..." Aatxe nibbled on cornbread and sausage on a stick. "Mmmmm... could use extra butter."

Up above the throneroom, yet another thunderous booming noise echoed.

The dragon whelp glared upwards. "Mrmmmff... for real? What's going on up there?" He grabbed another morsel and took more scrumptious bites. "Mmmmmm..."

Fwooosh! On thick leathery wings, Blood Fire flew in. "Big Boss! We have a situation! There's..." He froze in place, then squinted at the bowl of corndogs in Aatxe's possession. "Where did you get—?"

"Flame Staff." Aatxe belched.

"Mmm... right." Clearing his smoldering throat, Blood Fire gestured with his claws. "Anyways, there is a war waging in the Castle Courtyard."

"Spffffpffttt!" Aatxe spat out a river of crumbs and wiped his snout. "Whaaaat?!"

"A contingent of diamond dogs and unicorns have sprung an ambush on the brood!" Blood Fire's eyeslits narrowed. "What's more, the squirrels have returned, and they've brought their abominable weapons with them!"

"How in the heck did they even get up here?"

"There's no telling. For the time being, they need to be dispensed with."

"Then what are you waiting for?!" Aatxe snarled, waving his claw. "Go, Blood Fire! Dispense!"

"... ... ..." Blood Fire stood in place, his eyes darting towards the far corner of the throneroom.

Aatxe frowned. "What?!"

"Big Boss, with all due respect, it would only take a single claw-touch to the chaos shards and you could conceivably teleport them all away or transmogrify the invaders into—"

"And risk exposing it to those would-be burglars?!" Aatxe's voice cracked. "No can do, Blood Fire! Violence and burninating is your bag! Mother entrusted me the brood so I... uhh..." The little infant stood up on the throne and pointed at the object in question. "I have to stay here and guard the Flame Staff."

"... ... ...." Blood Fire's nostrils flared, spouting dark fumes. "But of course." He turned around, claws scraping the throneroom's surfaces. "I shall fly immediately to the top floor and engage the enemy before even more of our beloved brethren fall and die from unnecessary wounds inflected."

"You do that!" Aatxe sat down, and scoot-scoot-scooted his regal chair slightly close to the Flame Staff. "Hmmmf! Stupid invaders. Seriously, you have to be dumber than a bag of bricks to think you'd have a chance of coming down here and grabbing the staff."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" Rainbow Dash hollered, flew, and headbutted a diamond dog.

As he flailed, she kicked his staff up, gripped it in numb hooves, then through it against the skull of a dragon.

Bonk! "OW!" The dragon turned, seething, and moved to pounce on her—only for a pile of burning rubble to be catapulted into his skull. "OOOF!"

"Nice shot, brother, old chap!" Flam hollered from across the violent melee.

"Grrrr!" Flim pivoted the catapult and reloaded it. "I wasn't aiming at the dragon!"

Another load of burning rubble flew.

"Deck hitting time!" Lancie yelped.

Rainbow Dash suppressed a shriek and flew forward. She narrowly dodged the projectile as it sent burning debris raining down on her and the surrounding combatants.

Wincing, Rainbow crawled towards the nearest wall. A shattered windowpane lingered above. She clmbed up, fighting the numbness in her limbs, then looked into the glass.

An orange face with white freckles stared back.

Rainbow gasped, eyes twitching.

"... ... ..." The apple mare smiled. A tear, maybe two, and her ghostly image faded entirely, replaced by the reflections of the fight happening behind Rainbow.

"Get a move on, Sparky!" Lancie snarled. "You were supposed to be underground—like—two chapters ago!"

"She's..." Rainbow gulped. "She's gone..." Her eyebrows lifted. "Like really gone!"

"Who is?"

Rainbow stared at her reflection. A devilish smirk formed. "All the bucks that I have left to give." She grinned over her shoulder. "It's time to do this!"

"I hate to break it to ya, girl, but that time passed several minutes ago!" Lancie frowned. "In fighting your way through the distraction, I think you've found that your distraction now needs a distraction!"

POWWWW! Blood Fire came bursting out of the ground. On heavy wings, he rose up, snarling with fuming breaths. "Invaders! Usurpers! You have brought doom upon yourselves!"

"Oh hey..." Rainbow blinked, staring up. "That'll work."

"Concentrate all fire on beeg burrning drragon!" Brucie snarled, somehow already sporting seven bloodied canine fangs for a necklace. The squirrel pumped his shotgun and aimed his paw at the sky. "Come on, comrades! No vone leeves forever, da?!"

"NYET!"

And a violent salvo of electrical energy flew into the sky.

Blood Fire retaliated with an excrutiatingly hot breath.

Squirrels, henchstallions, and diamond dogs went diving for cover. The surviving broodlings merely braced themselves as flame and plasma flooded the arena.

Rainbow Dash galloped, took off, and outflew the wave of heat.

"Thread the needle thread the needle thread the needle!" she rasped as she narrowly avoided a melting death. In a blur, she zoomed down a stairwell and made her rapid way to the throne room.

Big Boss Fight - Stage One

"Alright... remember..." Lancie murmured into Rainbow's ear as she flew, sailed, and zig-zagged down a series of tight brick hallways. "He's got waaaaaaay more firepower than us, which is bad. But he's also a tiny dragon booger, which is good. I mean... not good for him, but good for us, because we can most certainly capitalize on the weak points of his blatantly juvenile incompetence and—"

"Grnnngh..." Rainbow snorted, her face squinting under sporadic strobes of torchlight as she flew through the castle's bowels. "Why can't I just—like—stick you in a bottle and have you revive me if manure hits the fan?"

"Because you're going to need me more intimately than that, Sparky."

"Ew."

"I mean I can be your shield!" Lancie smirked. "You remember from before, right? If he tries zapping you with the Flame Staff, just put lil' ol' me between you and the incoming blast! My chaos essence will... uhm... reflect his chaos essence... or something." He shrugged. "Panties."

"Huh?"

"Eh, that used to work. Never mind."

"Now's not the time to confuse me with your melon fudgedness."

"Just keep your eyes on the dragon whelp at all times and zoop away when he gets close."

"Right! Zoop-Targeting. Got it." Schiiiing! Rainbow brandished Lancie's little stone body like a masterful sword. "My apologies in advanced for whatever migraines this might give you."

"Hah! My little pony..." Lancie grinned in her grasp. "A migraine would be the cherry on top of this week for me!"

"You're weird."

"No you."

"Shhhh!" Rainbow Dash flitted around a corner. "Go time."

"If you say so."

Rainbow flew straight into the throneroom and skidded to a stop. Frowning, she dragged one hoof and snarled into the torchlit distance of the enormous interior. "Okay, ya little brimstone peewee! You wanna go? Let's—Gaaaaaaaaaaaaiiieeee!" Rainbow flinched, hiding behind Lancie as she weathered an enormous wave of flame and plasma.

PHWOOOOOOOMBBBB!

The floor behind her caught ablaze with burning embers. A tiny swath of untouched brick lingered in a "V"-shape behind the pegasus. Panting, she stood there, holding Lancie's smoldering figure in front of her. With gnashing teeth, she glared over the statue's horns.

"Dude! What the buck? No monologue or nothing?!"

Aatxe stood atop his throne with the Flame Staff outstretched. "What?" His brow furrowed. "You?"

"Dang straight, it's me!"

"Really?" Aatxe pouted like a red-faced infant. "I was expecting the squirrel with goggles." He chuckled out the side of his fanged snout. "Was kinda looking forward to it, too."

"Yeah, well, sorry to disappoint but you're gonna have to duke it out with me inste—"

PHWOOOOOOOOMB!

Rainbow hid behind Lancie again. Once the wave of fire was done, she shouted to the ceiling: "Quit it!"

"Psst! Hey!" Lancie gestured. "Turn me around!" He wriggled his granite rump. "I wanna come out of this with both halves ready to give a promo in the ring!"

"Go away, pony." Aatxe snorted, pacing across the platform above her. "My business here is with the squirrels. It's always been. They're the one thing that's been keeping me back from a full-scale invasion of the Morsel Lands!"

"Well, I've got news for you, ya stinkin' little dipsniffle!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "It was yours truly who got those squirrels to stage this attack in the first place!"

"Pffffft!" Aatxe rolled his eyes. "Yeah right!"

"For realsies!" Rainbow smirked, strafing across the throneroom floor from him. She held Lancie close in front of her. "And guess what?! Unlike last time, I've created a distraction so huge that none of your big brothers are going to come and make things easier for you! This time it's you versus me!"

"And your talking chaos shard."

"Says the baby dragon with—like—a gazillion of them attached to a super metal staff."

"Shuddup! I could have taken you down even without any chaos shards between us!"

"Baby dragons are dumber than what?"

Aatxe blinked. "What?"

"Snkkkt—heeheehee!" Rainbow Dash bucked the ground, giggling.

"Grrrrrr!" Aatxe shook the staff. "Quit DOING that!"

"Heh..." Lancie smirked. "So much for the 'No Dragon Left Behind' Act." He glanced over his stone shoulder. "Hey Sparky! 'Is our whelps learnin'?'"

"Hey! Hey kid!" Rainbow grinned. "Mind showing me where you've got the closet full of lampreys! Cuz something's gotta explain why your flying castle operations sucks so badly!"

"Okay, tone it down, Sparky," Lancie droned. "That was a reach, even for me."

"I'll show you suckage!" Aatxe's voice cracked as he fired a burning red beam from the Flame Staff. However, he aimed it high—so that it bounced off a shield and ricocheted into Rainbow Dash from an angle.

FLASH!

Lancie fell to the ground. He blinked, then turned around—only to double-take. "Jinkies!"

A feathery rooster with a rainbow comb blinked at him. "Ba-COCK!" it warbled.

"Uhhhhhh..."

"Roasting time!" Aatxe flipped and did a trick-shot with the Flame Staff between his stubby legs. "Hah!'

Zaaaaap!

Lancie thought fast, cartwheeled over Rooster Dash, then caught the chaotic blast in mid-air. His body glowed, and he scraped a talon over the bird's comb, producing a bolt a energy between them.

FLASH! Rainbow Dash—again a pegasus—collapsed on her fuzzy chest. Thud! "Fwoof...?" She blinked, cross-eyed.

"Hey! That's cheating!" Aatxe perched on a stone pillar and aimed the staff again. "I'm going to turn all of your blood vessels to cockroaches!"

"Ya hear that, Sparky?!" Lancie tugged and tugged on Rainbow's mane. "Time the cross the road!"

"Grnnghhh... cheese and crackers!" Rainbow cursed, grabbing Lancie and flapping her wings. POW! The brick floor behind her rushing limbs immediately transmogrified into squriming insects.

"Not so fast!" Aatxe fired and fired. "Haugh!" FL-FLASH! "Raaaugh!"

Rainbow darted left and right while chaotic beams of energy flew into various objects around her. A banner morphed into fluttering butterflies. A suit of armor melted like yellow cheese. A chair briefly turned into a grinning black unicorn with vaporous eyes and a curved horn—"CRYSTALLLLSSS"—before instantly being zapped into a stacked tower of Dr. Pony cans.

"Move! Move, Sparky!" Lancie shouted above the noisy blasts. "You're being chased by shark-jumpers!"

"I'm moving!"

"Was this your plan?"

"Kinda sorta."

"Sparky..."

"Just hold on a little longer, Lancie!" Rainbow panted, skirting the edges of the throneroom as the blasts struck closer and closer. "I've got to get him angrier?"

"How is taunting dragon Damian with god powers a good idea?"

"Just trust me—!"

ZAAAAP!

"Gah! That was close! Did he hit me?! What did I turn into this time?!"

"Wow, Rainbow. For a yellow-coated guitar-plucking stallion with a blue mane, you're really handsome!"

"WHAT?!"

"Snkkt—Just kidding! You're fine."

"Grrrrr! Celestia dang it, Lancie—!"

The pillar next to them exploded into party confetti, and Aatxe came through with a heavy swing of his Flame Staff.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeere's Aatxy!"

Big Boss Fight - Stage Two

Rainbow Dash flew behind pillar after pillar—only to have them burst into various ornamental kefluffery behind her.

FL-FLASSSH! Aatxe fired wave after wave of chaos energy with his staff. Snarling, he winced as an entire stone balcony of the castle throneroom collapsed without its supports. "Grrrrrrrr!" He clutched the Flame Staff, peering across the settling dust. "Show yourself! I want to turn you into something really crunchy to smash!"

"How about baby carrots to improve your eyesight, hotshot?"

"Huh?" Aatxe spun—only to receive a swinging hoof to the face.

"Fore!"

WHACK!

"Aaaaugh!" Aatxe teetered back, but used the Flame Staff for leverage. "Rrrrr—raaaaaaaaaugh!" He fired a beam of chaos at full force.

Rainbow Dash hovered in midair, holding Lancie forward like a shield. The streams of chaos split across his tail and spread apart, trailing off on either side of the pegasus.

"Well then..." Lancie's stone face muttered, his head and antlers framed by chaotic backlight. "Now that he has you in a glorious stunlock..."

"Look, this isn't as helpless as it seems..."

"Where's a good chaff grenade when you need one?"

"Just keep quiet for a second and let me do the rambling!" Rainbow hissed and sputtered as she fought the waves of dark magiks.

"Heh..." Lancied folded his stone arms. "This I gotta hear!"

Rainbow dared to crane her neck towards the split beams. "You call this a fight?!"

"Shut up and roast, you!" Aatxe squealed, focusing the Flame Staff harder.

"Pffft! Please! I've had scrapes with four times as many 'WHACKS' and 'WHAMS' as you're treating me too!" She smirked devilishly. "I expected a challenge! Right now, the only tough thing to do would be changing your diaper, Mr. Scrawny Scales!"

"Nobody... and I mean nobody calls me 'Scrawny Scales!'" Aatxe hissed.

"Wuh oh! Did I just trigger you?" Rainbow stuck her tongue out, shouting past the shield that was Lancie's body. "Heck, I wasn't even being creative! Did your big brothers really call you that?!"

"Shut up! You don't know me!"

"I bet I know you as far as I can throw you! So—like—forty hoofball fields of knowing? Hah!"

"Grrrr... shut up..."

"'Scrawny Scales! Scrawny Scales! Can't have a hoard 'cuz he's Scrawny Scales!'"

"Rrrrrrrgh—stop that!" Aatxe's grip of the Flame Staff slipped.

The beam of chaotic energy canceled out, and Rainbow flew above him in a circle. "Whew! Looks like you're losing it! What, did Mommy used to always come in and stop your big brothers from stomping a mudhole in your puny hide?" She winked. "Must be super tough now... considering she's dead as nails."

"Ohhhhhhhhhh long johnson..." Lancie cooed, stone eyes wide.

"Grrrrrrrrnnnngh!" Aatxe's eyes flickered with hot embers as he leapt up, bounced off a pillar, and pursued her with the staff. FLASH! FL-FLASH! FLAAAASH! "I'm going to turn you inside out, ya stupid horse!"

Rainbow barely had the breath to escape the bolts of hot energy. Chunks of the ceiling turned into random objects as she darted her way towards the nearest exit. "That's right! Come and get it!"

"I've gotta hoof it to ya, Sparky," Lancie said, clinging to her shoulder now. "You really have a penchant for pissing off crazy dragons."

"And that's the whole point."

"For once, I fail to see it."

"That's because you're not stupid enough." Rainbow juked out of the way of an exploding chunk of stone. Aatxe's burning claw-scrapes came closer. "Go-time! To the surface!" And she flew up, ascending, with the infant whelp hot on her fetlocks.

"Get back here! I mean it!" FL-FLASSSH!

Big Boss Fight - Stage Three

Rainbow Dash had barely gotten out of Aatxe sights when she suddenly remembered the fight taking place upstairs. The first reminder was a burning diamond dog's body being flown viciously past her, yipping in pain.

"Oh right..." Rainbow winced. "The party."

THUDDDD! Blood Fire plowed through several shrieking squirrels as he reared up on his hind quarters and inhaled. "This castle does not belong to you!" He then exhaled, vomiting flame and plasma. "EMBRACE THE ASHES!"

"Quickly, comrrades!" Brucie hollered from a bulwark, waving his gun. "Scamper avay frrom burning belch of unsexy death!" Several rodents joined him in a massive sprint, outrunning a wave of flame that trailed after their bushy tails.

Rainbow nervously backed away from the burning scene. She bumped into a rattling chunk of machinery. "Ooof!"

"Hey, watch it!" Flim sputtered, his coat covered in sweat and soot. "That stuff is super sensitive! Mother's design—" He froze in place, eyes wide. "You!"

"Uhm... hi..." Rainbow smiled.

"Get her, brother!"

"Right-o, chap!" Flam pivoted the mana-powered catapult and loaded the launcher with a smoldering chunk of broken brick. "Taste a piece of your own medicine, traitor!" THWOOOSH!

Rainbow backflipped, narrowly avoiding the projectile. They flew across the violent fight and into the furthest stairwell just as Aatxe was coming up. With a yelp, the dragon whelp zapped the burning bricks with his Flame Staff, turning it into a kaleidoscope of butterflies. "Grrrr!"

"Them's murder in his eyes, Sparky!" Lancie pointed.

"Yeah, I see. Nice color for this season—"

"RAAAAUGH!" Flam charged up.

Rainbow spun about—gasped—and ducked in time to avoid a steam wrench to the skull.

"I've got her, brother!" Flim dove forward, spearing Rainbow in the chest. Both rolled and wrestled across the floor, with Rainbow ultimately kicking Flim off her.

"Nnngh!" Rainbow jumped to her hooves. "Listen! Your mother died cuz you threw her sick body through fartspace! Get over it! She wouldn't want you—"

"What?! Starving to death in a strange wasteland?!" Flam spat and charged forward with the wrench again. "Well, it's what you've done to us—!"

Rainbow flipped over him, twirled, and landed atop the catapult. "Like you gave me any choice, you crazy psychopaths!"

"You keep telling yourself that, murderer." Flam grunted aside. "Now, Flim."

"Happy landings, chump!" Flim grinned as he jerked a lever.

"Huh?" Rainbow looked down to see that she was perched atop the catapult's launcher. "Aw sh—" FWOOOOSH! Voice cracking, she flew a shrieking path across the battle. She ricocheted off a henchstallion's backside, knocked through two squirrels, then rolled to a tumbling stop against a clump of debris. "Unnngh..."

The area around her lit up with a sickly green glow.

"Uhhh..." Lancie nervously tapped her shoulder. "Don't look now, Sparky, but..."

"Huh?" Rainbow sat up. She smiled dizzily. "Oh hey, Squidgy. You're looking good for—"

Flasssssh! The eyeball in its jar stared at Rainbow Dash.

"Guh!" Rainbow winced. She looked back with a gasp to see that the bottom half of her tail had turned to stone.

"Finally!" Lancie chirped. "A sleeping buddy!"

With a growl, Rainbow spun briskly around. WHAM! Her hardened tail knocked Squidgy's jar off-blance. The basilisk eye spun around with an indecipherable squeak.

In a flash, Rainbow's tail turned to normal. She rushed over and grabbed Squidgy's jar, shaking it so that the eye spun away from her.

CLANK! A spear embedded inches from Rainbow's body.

She gasped, looking up.

"Hrrnnnngh!" Top Dog—bloodied and battle scarred—loomed above the pegasus. He picked up another spear and held it over his head threateningly. "I am going to rip your guts out and feed them to your stinking ponyyyyyy friendsssss!"

"Uhhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash winced, then held the jar straight up. "Hold that thought!"

"Grkkk!" Top Dog jerked in place. Overcome with a green glow, he glanced down to see his body turning to stone from bottom to top. "Hrkkkt... no fair..." He hissed with the last breath he had. "I... haaaate... poniessss..." At last, he was all stone.

Seconds later—SMASSSH!—Aatxe landed through the canine statue, sending the granite pieces of Top Dog flying every which way. "Gotcha!" He pointed the Flame Staff, eyes burning bright. "End of the road, morselander!"

"Erm..." Rainbow gulped and held the jar out again. "Squidgy, I... choose you?"

FLASH! Chaos magic flew.

Rainbow winced... then found herself holding a tall, tall bottle of Dr. Pony in place of the basilisk jar.

"Hahahahahaha!" Aatxe smirked. "What's wrong, pony? In the wrong story—?"

Rainbow shook the bottle of soda vigorously and popped its cap off. Spltltptptttt! Its carbonated contents exploded in Aatxe's face.

"Mmmfffff-Aaaaugh!" The dragon whelp stumbled back.

"I dunno..." Rainbow dropped the bottle, smirked, and sprung forward. "Seems like a good ending to me!"

WHAP! She bounced savagely off Aatxe's head, sending him—and the staff—flying to the ground. "Ooof!"

Rainbow twirled around and reached for the Flame Staff. FLASH! A red force field shook her off, although not quite so forcefully this time. "Hmmm... not good enough, but getting there."

"Mrmmmfff..." Aatxe struggled to his claws. "Get back here..."

"Time to put this in full gear!" Lancie held on as Rainbow darted towards the edge of the ramparts.

"I said get back here!" Aatxe hollered at the top of his lungs. "Nnnnngh... BLOOD FIRE!"

This Isn't Even My Final Fur

"RAAAAAUGH!" Blood Fire's claws ensnared a half-dozen terrorized squirrels. Tonsils brimming with lava, he leaned in and hissed violently in their faces. "For your brazen display of disrespect, I shall make you suffer a million burning deaths—"

"Blooooooooood Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiire!" Aatxe warbled from a distance.

The older broodling blinked. "... ... ...hold on, I am being paged."

He flung the shrieking squirrels towards the far end of the courtyard, turned tail, and marched to where Aatxe stood, hopping up and down with the Flame Staff.

"Ahem... Yes, oh wise Big Boss?"

"I need you to pick me up right this second!"

Blood Fire blinked. Catapulted projectiles ricocheted off his skull, but he didn't budge a centimeter. "Uhm... why?"

"Because I don't have wings!" Aatxe squealed. He pointed a razor-sharp claw at Rainbow Dash's streaking figure. "And she's getting away!"

Blood Fire only glanced at her once. "Aatxe..." Exhaling fumes, he looked down at the dragon whelp agian. "She is just one pony, and we are currently under attack—"

"I don't care! I want her dead!"

"Then let me pursue her forthwith—" Blood Fire spread his massive wings and prepared to take off—

"NO!" Aatxe hopped up, slapping the base of Blood Fire's chin with the chaotic crucifix. "I must be the one to land the killing blow! Me!"

"But Aatxe..." Blood Fire's eyes narrowed. "The battle is here."

"The only battle that matters is the one that I choose!" Aatxe snarled. "Is that clear?"

Blood Fire clenched his iron jaws. A shrieking diamond dog flew over him while squirrels shot energy beams at diving dragons.

"I said!" Aatxe tried to roar. It came out as a nasaly wheeze. "Is that clear?!"

"Hrmmmmgnnnghhh... your orders I do follow, Big Boss." Blood Fire spread his wings and lowered his headcrest. "You may now mount."

"Good! Good big brother!" Aatxe scampered up his skull.

"All I ask is that you do not goad me with the—"

"Onwards, brother!" Aatxe stabbed the top of Blood Fire's head with the Flame Staff. "Ascend! After that rainbow!"

"Grnnnnnghhhh... mmfffff..." Blood Fire nevertheless arched his body. "Ascending..."

FW-FWOOOSH! The air shook from the largest dragon's beastly wings. Combating broodlings and henchstallions flew sideways, propelled by the hot winds into the sides of the courtyard.

"Where are you going?!" Flim shouted, loading another chunk of rubble into the catapult. "The fight's not over with, you cowards!"

"Brother, would you for once taunt something that would not righteously own us?"

"And would you not use the word 'righteous' for once?!"

"Raaaaaaaaaugh!" Brucie landed in a glide, perched on top of the catapult, and fired point blank into its engine core. POWWW!

"Oooof!" Flim and Flam flew off in opposite directions.

Brucie, meanwhile, skidded to a stop. "FOR MOSER RUSHNU—" He jolted in place. He lifted his goggles, revealing beady eyes that blinked at the figure of Blood Flame soaring off. "Beeg vhale size drragon! Eet flies off vith Beeg Boss een tow!" He pumped his rifle and fired several shots in the air. "Can only be good sing, da?!"

Several other squirrels shouted in victory.

A beat.

"Okay, back to killing drragons veeth boomsteeks!" And Brucie joined his brothers once more in the fray.

Craterfall

"Mrmmmfnngh... gnngh..."

Bruised...

Bleeding in several places...

Romulus pushed himself up into a sitting position. He clutched his head, wincing as he shook the cobwebs loose.

All around him, the remaining combatants of the castle courtyard waged manic war, littering the floor with bodies and blood.

The griffon assassin looked up, blinking out one eye.

As his foggy vision came back into focus, he noticed three shapes surging north over the ramparts. One belonged to a petite blue streak. The other two looked suspiciously liked a certain pair of dragon siblings... and the smaller of the two sported a crucifix made out of conjoined chaos shards.

Sneering, Romulus stood up the rest of the way, flexing his muscles.

"HRESSSSSSH!" A small dragon lunged at his rear.

Schiiiing! He jabbed a knife back without looking. Schlunnnk! It embedded meatedly into the broodling's throat.

The scaled creature's eyes rolled back. It gurgled up blood and fell in a meaty slump. Talons scraping the stone floor, Romulus sprinted icily forward, due north.

"Well, we had a boss fight!" Lancie exclaimed over the whipping winds. He looked back past Rainbow's tail. "Now it's something like the end of Haylo, only without the awesome music."

"Lancie, could you find a less climactic moment to wax absurd?" Rainbow Dash sputtered.

"Hey! You're the one who set this insanity up!" The statue folded his granite arms. "Not that I'm complaining." His stone eyes lit up with flamelight. "Oh, and... uh... incoming by the way."

"Whoah!" Rainbow jolted upwards, twirled, and narrowly avoided the burning breath. "A little faster on the draw, please!"

"Sorry. I figured you knew the shape and size of death incarnate on our tails."

"For serious, Lancie. Help me out here."

"I'm not sure I can even help you lose them."

"I'm not trying to lose them!" Rainbow narrowed her eyes as she glided north towards a starlit curtain of steam and mist. "I'm trying to lead them."

"Ah... but of course." Lancie nodded, grinning. "Your stats are so agility-based. Shoulda figured you were perfect at kiting."

"This will all be over soon," Rainbow said. "Trust me."

"Who says I wasn't?" Lancie yawned. "Incoming."

"Guhhh!" Rainbow twirled once more to dodge.

"Blood Fire!" Aatxe snarled from where he saddled his older brother's neck. "What's the meaning of this?!"

Blood Fire closed his jaws. His nostrils smoked as he breathed normally. "Do we or do we not wish to catch them?"

"Yes, but remember!" Aatxe aimed with the Flame Staff. "I want the killing blow! So stop burping fire at them!"

"Effective misdirection, Aatxe!"

"It's Big Boss! Big! Boss!"

"Rrrrrrnghhh..."

"What was that?"

"Yes, Big Boss. I understand, Big Boss." With a frown, Blood Fire flapped his wings even harder, propelling the two forward.

"Whoah!" Aatxe nearly slipped off. He swung the Flame Staff to regain his balance, then grinned toothily as Rainbow's blue coat came closer into focus. "Yes... yes! That's it, brother! I'm catching up to her!"

"She's attempting to lose us in that steam cloud."

"Huh? How do you know that?"

"Is it not obvious?"

"I'll be the judge of what is or isn't obvious, thank you very much!" Aatxe cleared his tiny throat. "Now..." He pointed with the Flame Staff. "Forward! Quickly! Before she... disappears inside the steam cloud!"

"Mmmmngh... yes, Big Boss." Fwoooosh!

And the two dragons chased the pegasus into the hazy crater.

On a Scale of One to Ten

Blood Fire's red eyeslits jerked left... and then right. On heavily flapping wings, he pierced the rising waves of steam. His nostrils flared, and he spoke into the dense haze:

"Something is not right..."

"I'm not asking you for an assessment!" Aatxe growled from where he perched on his older brother's head. "I'm asking you to find that puny pegasus!"

"There is... a very familiar smell about this place..."

"Is it the pony?"

"Mrmmfffngh... no. Something else."

"Well, keep flying until you find the pony!"

"This... this feels like a trap. And yet..." Blood Fire's deep voice rolled. The gravel slopes of the crater appeared and disappeared sporadically beneath the mists. "I feel at ease in this place. It's something I haven't felt in a long time..."

"Grrrrrrrrgh!" Aatxe gripped the Flame Staff so hard that the stalk nearly snapped in half. "Darn it! Get your head in the game!" He kicked a length of scales across his brother's skull. "We're here to finish the Morsel Land invader!"

"Brother, the invaders are back at the castle..."

"And this is their leader! Don't you get it?! Once we finish her, everything else will fall into place!"

"I swear... I've smelled this scent before..."

"Oh for the love of brimstone...!"

As the two flew on, bickering, the shadow of Blood Fire wafted over a length of gravel and glossy obsidian several meters below. As another cloud of steam passed by, Rainbow Dash slithered out from hiding. She and Lancie peered up, blinking at the figures passing overhead.

"It's stuff like this that makes me glad that I don't have a sibling," Lancie droned. "... ... ...or a belly button."

"It's getting super hard to see," Rainbow wheezed, waving a hoof in front of her muzzle. "Are they circling back around?"

"Judging from their wingflaps, I'd say yes, Sparky."

"Good." Rainbow gulped, backtrotting towards a dark mass behind her. "We're only going to have one shot at this."

"Silver bullet time?"

"You know it." Rainbow Dash gripped the statue by his stone tail. "Go time. Just like we planned."

"Roger roger!" Lancie saluted, then straightened his entire body like a sword. He stuck his head out as far as it would go. The horns on his crown glinted in sudden amber firelight.

Rainbow held him in two forelimbs as she hovered over to a solid wall of slowly flexing, undulating scales. Between the seams, a fiery red light emanated, and the air rolled with heated breaths—like subdued thunder. Rainbow flapped her wings until she found a massive... massive set of claws resting against the dark black floor of the charred crater.

"You really think you can pull this off, Sparky?" Lancie asked.

"You're doubting me now?"

"Just saying..." He afforded a brief shrug before stretching his body out again. "This is literally like moving a mountain."

"If I can take Spike seriously at his word..." Rainbow licked her lips, aiming Lancie's sharp figure at the nearest giant claw. "...there's nothing that stings more for a dragon than something sharp poking right beneath the claw."

"What if you're a dragon that's already felt the sting of laying over three hundred eggs in a lifetime?"

"Guess there's one way to find out." Rainbow held her breath. "Clench your muscles!"

"Clenching—!"

And Rainbow shoved Lancie like a giant granite splinter right in the soft spot where the giant claw met giant scales.

Almost instantly, the flesh behind Rainbow Dash glowed with fiery intensity. A loud grumbling sound filled the crater. With a hot breath from beyond, the mists and fog started to clear.

"Go go go!" Rainbow Dash squeaked, galloping off with Lancie in tow.

The huge dark mass behind Rainbow shifted, lifting up.

This was not lost to Blood Fire and Aatxe.

Both siblings spun in the air, facing the movement.

"Hah!" Aatxe grinned, teeth showing. He aimed the Flame Staff. "This is it! Show yourself, pony!"

"Wait..." Blood Fire raised a talon. His jaws parted. "There's something more..."

"Darn it, Blood Fire!" Aatxe growled. "How many times are you going to... hold... me back..." Suddenly, his spines drooped while his mouth hung agape.

"Rrrrrrrrghhhhhh..." A gigantic neck stretched, with even larger jaws opening. Rows upon rows of teeth glinted in firelight. At last, the horned crest of a ginormous draconian body emerged from the collective bed of steam. A pair of slitted eyes narrowed, and the pure fire from within the beast's sockets illuminated the pair of broodlings. "Who wakes me from my slumber?" Smoking nostrils flared. "Blood Fire? Aatxe? What is the meaning of this nonsense?!"

Aatxe's grip of the Flame Staff began to slip. "M-Momma...?"

Oh Snap(dragon)

"Mother..." Blood Fire murmured. His scales flexed to display a look of utter vexation. "You are..."

"...not dead?!" Aatxe's voice cracked.

"Of course I am not dead!" A mammoth pair of nostrils flared, snorting brimstone. The great dragon matriarch stood up at her full length. With a single flap of her wings, all of the rising smoke and fog cleared out of the crater, revealing a bed of burning brimstone beneath where she was previously lying. "I told you that I was hibernating, didn't I?! Why have you woken me this early?!"

"But M-Momma!" Aatxe squeaked. "You told us all that death was imminent!"

"Rrrrghhhh... No, I said that I would be dozing in a minute! And that was after I told you that my body was telling me to hibernate!"

"You said that your heart was losing its b-beat!" Aatxe declared.

"It was slowing down, you little ingrate!" the matriarch hissed. "What else do you think hibernation means?!" Spitting fire, she pivoted her massive maw towards Blood Fire. "Blood Fire... why is Aatxe doing all of the talking for you? Didn't I leave you in charge?"

Blood Fire blinked. Savagely. "You... left me in charge...?"

"Wuh oh..." Aatxe hugged the Flame Staff, shivering.

"YES." The matriarch's burning eyes narrowed. "I trust your elder wisdom above all the rest. That's why I said that the brood is to be in the tidiest claws."

"Curious..." Blood Fire glared over his shoulders. "...I was told that the brood was supposed to be in the 'tiniest claws'"

"Mrrffnnnghhh..." The matronly creature pivoted about to glare at Aatxe again. "Aatxe... Junior... did you deliver that message like I asked you to?"

"Erm... eheheheh..." Aatxe gulped, peeking his head out from behind the chaotic crucifix. "I'm guessing that... erm... a detail or two got lost in translation—"

FWOOSH! A single smoldering exhalation sent the Flame Staff flying out of his grasp.

"My staff—!" Aatxe yelped, only to be hoisted up in the air by a thick pair of claws. "Gaah! Momma—!"

"I told you to tell your brother that he was in charge while I slept!" she hollered.

Meanwhile...

Thw-Thw-Thwish! The Flame Staff twirled through the air until it rattled to a stop against the brimstone below. It slid a few feet on the surrounding gravel. Two boulders away, a sky-blue pegasus crouched, watching alongside her trusty statue. Both sneaky figures had dumb smirks on their muzzles.

"And I did deliver that message! Eheheheh!" Aatxe gulped, dangling by his tail. "A-a-and... uhhh... uhhhhh... I-I'm guessing Blood Fire mistook the memo for something else! Youuuuuu know how absent minded he c-could be!"

Blood Fire flew up until he was glaring at eye-level with the whelp. "Brother... you told us that Mother assigned you the position of Big Boss with her dying breath! Isn't that right?

"Pffft! What's it to you?" He stuck his serpent's tongue out. "You believed it!"

Blood Fire snarled. "Because I do not question the words of our Mother... or at least what I assumed was her words—"

"ENOUGH!" the matriarch boomed, silencing both broodlings. "Both of you! This is not the kind of thing I wish to sleep too! I need my hibernation, and after I'm done, we'll have to continue our migration west across the wasteland to find a place to store my hoarde!" She looked straight down and gasped at the barren obsidian and brimstone. "MY HOARDE!"

"Wuh oh..." Aatxe curled up into a little dangling ball.

"Grrrrrrrrrrr... Aaaaaatxe..." She exhaled smoke through her gritting teeth. "Where are all of my gold and jewels?!"

"H-hey! You're the one who slept on them! Must have been stolen overnight by... uh... by squirrels! Yeah!"

"He gave them up," Blood Fire grumbled. "Sold every gem to Morsel Land black marketeers in exchange for a magical staff full of chaos rocks."

"He did WHAT?!"

"You... you g-gotta understand, Mom!" Aatxe cleared his throat and tried to talk straight. "The return investment promised to be through the roof! I-I mean... the summoned corndogs alone were positively—"

"A dragon is NOTHING without a hoarde! NOTHING!"

"And those squirrels that Aatxe speaks of..." Blood Fire snorted. "...they are laying waste to the brood in the flying castle Aatxe had us steal from them."

"You mean your brothers and sisters are being slain?!" The matriarch snarled. "And you've allowed this to happen?"

Blood Fire hung his head. "I apologize, mother. I thought that we were doing honorable battle in your will... through Aatxe's will..."

The matriarch sighed. "And here I thought my egg-laying days were over." She dropped both broodlings to the ground and loomed over them. "Alas... I see that we have quite a few things to straighten out here."

"But M-Momma!" Aatxe crawled on his knees, clasping both hands together. "I-I was about to invade the Morsel Lands and bring great glory to the brood!"

"Aatxe, you know the rules. You're not allowed to invade mortals until you're eighteen thousand years old."

"But... b-but—!"

"SILENCE! You've done enough already. It's time we set some new perameters around here because you CAN'T be trusted with being a personal messenger ever again!"

Aatxe hung his head, sighing. "Yes, mother. I understand, mother..."

And within seconds of him saying that...

...a beam of red light flickered brightly around the Flame Staff... and dissipated in a blink. Steam rose off the chaos shards, one by one, as the artifact cooled from the dying spell.

An Offering of Blood and Flesh

Clink! Cl-Cl-Clink! Several chaos shards littered the dirt floor of the Wasteland.

Silence.

... ... ...THUD! Rainbow's meaty body slammed down hard.

Lancie grunted, being thrown off her figure.

Rainbow rolled and tumbled through the night. At last, she coasted down the side of a hill, sliding, leaving a long bloodstreak behind her that glistened in starlight.

The pegasus slid off the crest of a hill, fell sideways, and tumbled down a gravel-laden embankment before finally settling to a stop between two large boulders.

At last, she lurched to a stop, staring skyward and twitching. Blood fountained out of her impaled figure, and her muzzle hung open.

Wincing... sputtering for breath... Lancie got up. He gasped, staring all around with wide, gray eyes. He looked down the hill, his gaze following the bloodstreak to where Rainbow's battered body lay. "Sparky...?!"

No response.

Gritting his teeth, he scampered down on all fours... tripped... slid... then regained his hoofing.

"...Rainbow Dash!" he seethed, descending, stumbling closer to her figure.

When he reached Rainbow Dash, she scarcely moved. Her limbs jerked, and her breaths came out in shallow wheezes. There was a slight flutter to her lashes, but very little else.

"Rainbow..." Lancie perched above her, shivering. His stone eyes darted to her legs, her wings, her bleeding chest. He gulped. "Rainbow, just hold on, I'll—"

Swissssssh!

Lancie turned around—CLANK! A dagger ricocheted off his forehead. "Ooof!"

Th-Thump! Romulus landed, snarled, and slammed his talon hard into the granite statue.

Lancie rattled off with a grunt, settling somewhere past the boulders below.

"My contracts... my money... all gone!" Romulus spat. "And for what?!" He turned towards Rainbow Dash, seething. "Just to dwindle in the shadow of a loyal piece of shit like you?! Grnnngh!" He rushed forward and kicked her.

A tiny whimper escaped—but that was it. Rainbow rolled limply down the hill, past the boulders. She coughed and gurgled up blood.

Romulus marched towards her. He hissed through his beak. "You think you had everything covered. But you didn't. Listen closely, my little pony." Schiiiing! He brandished his blood-stained scimitar. The blade glimmered with moonlight as he approached the skewered pegasus. "With your last dying breath... with the fragments of hearing still left in your ears... hear me and hear me well." He stood over her, raising the blade high. "I am going to eviscerate you... gut you like a pig... and then I'm going to track down every living thing that pretends to call you a friend... and feed you to them before gutting them too... slowly... intimately... with the smell of their own insides wafting across their noses as I make them curse your name." His one good eye narrowed. "That... is my solemn promise..."

A dark shadow rippled overhead.

Lancie craned his neck to the sky. Wincing, he shuffled deep into the shadows.

"I'll see you in Tartarus, bitch," Romulus spat, and brought the sword down—

CRACK! A pair of dragon claws snapped the scimitar just milliseconds before grabbing Romulus' tiny figure in a vice-like grip.

"Grnnkkk—gaah!" The assassin let out an avian shriek. His limbs were restrained tightly against his body. Within seconds, he was being hoisted up... up in the air. His lower legs and tail dangled as he was held up before Blood Fire's snout. "Mrrffnngh—aaaugh! Let me... grnnngh... go!"

"... ... ..." Blood Fire stared the griffon down. "... ... ...hrmmmm..." His iron-jaws curved into something resembling a smile.

From far uphill, along the edge of the crater, the matriarch's voice boomed: "Blood Fire, my son! Have you got a flesh and blood offering?"

"Indeed I do, mother," Blood Fire said, wings flapping. He lifted up with Romulus in his grasp. "And it will make you proud."

"Come here, my child, so that I may anoint you..."

"Grnnnkkk... wait... mrnnfghh—no!" Romulus hissed, wheezed. He struggled and fought against Blood Fire's iron grip, but it was no use. He was carried up beyond the mists, where even his panicked shrieks were stifled. "Let go of me! Don't you... don't you dare—No! Grkkkt! Nooooo—graaaacuhkkk—spfllktkttt!" And all was indecipherable sputtering, gargling, and then silence.

Lancie panted... panted. Crawling out of the shadows, he gazed up at the edge of the crater.

"Mmmffnngh... L-Lancie..."

Jolting, he tunred about. On panicked limbs, the statue scurried back down and past the boulders.

He rushed towards Rainbow's battered body just as a violent wave of involuntary spasms began.

"Sparky...!"

The Game

FLASH!

A pulse of light.

Fwump!

Rainbow Dash landed on soft grass. She felt this... because all of her senses had suddenly, inexplicably returned to her.

"... ... ...!!!" Her eyes flashed open. She inhaled, filling a pair of healthy, aching lungs. "Guhhhhhhhh!" She rolled over, stretching her limbs, then curling back up. The mare squeaked with fright, feeling her chest.

There was no hole... no wound.

No blood.

"Mrmmmff... gkkt... h-huh?" Her eyes flew open again. She blinked several times.

She heard the rustling of leaves... tall grass... babbling brooks.

A very familiar smell wafted across her muzzle, full of flowers... hay... and apples.

"What... where...?" Rainbow sat up, limbs wobbling. She tilted her head up to see mountains looming in the distance. On one particular peak, a very familiar structure loomed. "Canterlot... Castle?"

She heard the groaning of a windmill.

"...?" Tilting her head to the west, she saw the unmistakable outline of Ponyville against a starry sky.

The mare blinked, her muzzle agape. She gazed down at her numb body. The entirety of Romulus' inflicted wound was gone. It didn't even tingle.

She sat there in total silence. Then—as her wits returned—her brow furrowed. The hair on the back of her neck stood up. She clenched her teeth as hotter and hotter breaths filtered out of her curling, growling muzzle.

"Rrrrrrgh..." She spun towards the statue on her right. "Lancie?!" Her ears folded back as she shouted: "What the buck?! I told you to—"

Without looking, the statue raised his talons and—

SNAP!

Flash! A potted plant materialized in Rainbow's grip, its drooping pastel petals glowing in the moonlight.

Rainbow gasped, suddenly cradling the object. Her ears perked up, and she gazed at the inexplicable flora in disbelief. "This... th-this..." She gulped. "...Iced Lavender?" The pegasus shook her head. "But.. but I-I don't understand. Lancie..." She turned towards him, her muzzle blank. "...how? The shards—"

"I didn't need them," he droned, his back to her. "I never needed them. Ever. Not a single piece." With a shuddering sigh, he snapped his talon again.

FLASH!

Two more potted plants of the same extinct flower appeared next to Rainbow.

She looked at them all, eyes twitching. Then she looked at her friend. "Lancie...?"

"My name is not Lancie," he declared. It was anything but triumphant. The wind blew softly at his furry mane and goatee—which is how Rainbow first realized he was no longer made of stone. A very complex creature sat in front of her. He was still a pint-sized thing, but in place of a stone gray body she saw a complex patchwork arrangement of fur, skin, hair, and scales. A set of blue and purple wings drooped at his side as he stared out onto the windswept plains bordering Ponyville. "As a matter of fact, my little pony, I go by the title of 'Discord.' Or at least I once did. It made sense to me at one time—the senselessness. But now?" He slowly shook his head. "I'm tired of this..."

Rainbow hugged the flower to her chest, shaking her head in confusion. "Tired of what?"

"The game," he muttered. "And it was a very lame one from the beginning. Oh, don't get me wrong, you played along nicely at first. But then, with each round that we took it further, you just kept acting... more and more selfless and heroic. It was all very nauseating, or at least that's what I initially thought. But then, with time, you just... kept surprising me and surprising me. Such warmth... and indomitable vigor, for a mortal. I don't even recall at which point I forgot the purpose of the game altogether. It was so fun... so stimulating. I was in it just to see how far you would go... to what extent you would throw yourself into harm's way. And all for what? A freckled sunrise you could never allow yourself through a simple, ordinary gesture? Games are supposed to be fun, Rainbow, but you don't even have the decency to claim that anymore, do you? And now... now the cost is far too great to play along, and me? I'm just tired from all of the confusion. Because... b-because I just don't get it, Sparky... Rainbow." He shook, exhaling limply. "I don't... don't get it... I don't get you."

Rainbow swallowed a lump down her throat. "Lancie, you're scaring me..."

"I told you... my name is Discord." He turned towards her. Red pupils hung in sad seas of yellow. "And there's a lot you don't know about me." His nostrils flared while his fuzzy ears drooped. "And I'm quite sick of hiding it from you..."

Discord

"I am old... far older than you think. Far older than even I know. I was there when the stars first formed... when the planets collided and all of the dust gradually, inexplicably morphed into the building blocks of the so-called 'life' that populates this world today.

"I've seen prehistoric ages of dominant organisms come and go. I've watched civilizations crumble and fall... entire empires blossoming overnight, only to be snuffed out in a cataclysmic blink. It's all been pretty nifty, really. Especially the screamy parts.

"When continents shifted, I was there, counting the fault lines. When darkness settled, I stood idly by, ticking away the seconds until the greenhouse effect wore off. I was there for when seas dried up, so I could revel in the molecules spreading... dancing through the air... only to fall back down and coalesce at random.

"This world is most delightful when it's left to its own devices. I revel in unpredictability and relish the unexpected. It's the reality behind... reality, really... The universe is an impromptu stage play where all the acts have dissolved into one another. The only ones foolish are those pretentious enough to have brought a program to the show.

"So imagine how much I scoffed and snorted at the alicorns who—in their 'infinite wisdom' and 'gracious intellect' decided to descend on this plane, bequeathing the 'gift of harmony' to all creatures still lucky enough to be alive. They figured that they at last had found the ticket... the silver bullet to slay the monster called entropy. Well, little did they know that such a grizzled beast had a keeper, and that handler was me...

"Historians have undoubtedly written that I'm an avatar of destruction. That couldn't be any further from the truth! If anything, I am the most avid defender of preserving the status quo! After all, there's nothing natural about the alicorns and their silly 'harmony.' Pffft... All things considered, they're the cancer to this plane, not me! They introduced something that wasn't needed... that was never asked for... that never had a hope of ever succeeding whatsoever, and there I was in a smexy little crossing guard outfit, telling all the almighty hooves that be to 'STOP!'

"So imagine my surprise when what they brought to the table actually succeeded! Hah! Ell-ohh-Ell—boy was that a real whizzbanger! And, you know what? I was actually kinda impressed! The fact that harmony worked was something I could never have predicted! And believe me, sister, it doesn't get any more chaotic than that!

"Oh, don't get me wrong, I resisted it. I fought those alicorn sisters tooth and nail! Turns out they were pretty darn good dentists. But it mattered little. I got a lot of good hits in... even stepped on a few measly kingdoms in the heat of our battle. Whoops. Well, they got a bit cheesed off at random, unpredictable genocide... for some reason. I mean... what's a mortal life in the grand scheme of things? Much less an entire continental sneeze of them? Yeesh... those alicorns took things waaaaaaaay too seriously. After all, death and chaos is just how this world is supposed to work. But did they own up to that? Nosireee... they took their frustrations out on me, and instead of being gracious enough to dissolve me into the ether... they turned me to stone.

"I suppose, to a harmony-humping microbe, such a sentence equates to being 'merciful.' But that's not putting me and my senses into perspective. You see—unlike the alicorns—I am not a joe shmoe who's subject to the impermeable nature of boundaries. Far from it; I can actually see beyond the opaqueness of all walls... including that which separates the multiverse itself.

"And oh yes... there is a multiverse. That's something the alicorns will never be able to grasp on their lonesome, but it's something I've always seen with my natural born sight. And all those years I was trapped in stone? I spent them by twiddling my mental thumbs, gazing into the abyss of alternate dimensions, seeing the sights, wishing I had some popcorn... or maybe just butter...

"I've forgotten much of what I've seen. It's easy to get bored when you can't move... only think. And if nothing else, I only dwelled on the most immediate universes... the places shifting closest to me right before my imprisonment ended.

"I remember seeing a universe where a delightfully horrible event had stripped Equestria of all life, leaving a barren wasteland... sunless and moonless... covered in snow as far as the eye could see. Great place to have a vacation, really.

"And I also remember a universe where I had fallen in love with a mystical princess, a pony lost to time and history, but not to my heart. It was so very cold there; it even gave my stone skin goosebumps.

"But then... just as I was starting to peer into the next kaleidoscopic vision, something hit me... literally. Something that I had never even expected. And that unpredictable moment... that epiphanous twitch in time and space... carried with it a spark... and an adorable one at that. Could you even fathom to guess what I am talking about...?"

Rainbow Crashery

She hiccuped.

She flew.

She drifted.

Limp wings flapped over even number limbs.

The mare veered left and right, eyes rolling back, blind to starlight.

She murmured into the crisp, mountain air. Six words... delicate... mewling...

Lurching between a giggle and a sob, she drunkenly dipped low over the Canterlot sculpture garden...

...and her body collided with a tall, triumphant statue.

It teetered over...

... and ...

SMASH!

Alternatives

"I was shattered... broken... cast apart into dozens of little inert pieces... like the planets and stardust of long ago.

"All things considered, I should have perished right then and there! I mean... whew! Talk about an adventure! However, for the first time in as long as my stagnant mind could contemplate—you guessed it—something unpredictable happen. That alone wasn't enough to lift me out of my prison. No... I have a spark to thank for that.

"Your spark, Rainbow. Something stronger... warmer... and more deliciously daring than anything I had ever encountered in eons. And there it had arrived... strolled in like an alpha predator... and singled me out. The result was an explosion... a sudden and irreversible embrace of all things crazy... and I saw... I saw...

"A universe I had never perceived before. A dark... twisted... positively sadistic one. A universe populated by many ponies... but only one mattered. A very daring pony... a very loyal pony... one powered by a spark that was very familiar to me, and suddenly very delicious to contemplate.

"And in this universe, the one thing that set it apart from every other dimension bordering it—was the fact that the me of that dimension had wrecked the life of the only pony that mattered... that I had taken all that was important to her and... destroyed it... shattered it to ashes like you had so spontaneously shattered me. And this one act—spontaneous and all-encompassing—set the pony on an endless path... a straight line into the scrumptious unknown... to embark upon a quest that she didn't even know about... and would come to both love and loathe in the absence of her closest friends...

"What could drive a pony to go to such crazy lengths? Suicide, at least, would be swift. A wet kiss upon the brink of her inevitable oblivion. But, no, her love—masochistic as it may have been—was so grand... so great... that she was willing to give away a sane death for an insane life. What was the impetus for this? The inspiration? It couldn't have been Harmony. After all, she abandoned her home, her kingdom, her everything for this sojourn... for this blind leap into emptiness.

"Was it inspiration that drove her? Or some unseen intuition? Nay... I'd say it was the same thing that empowered you when you collided with me... some burning spark... a loyalty that transcends all loyalty. It even makes me gag just thinking about it. And yet—I couldn't dwell on anything else, for this spark had come to infect me... to animate me... to undo the prison that had constrained my handsome limbs for so many millennia and miscarriages.

"Indeed, I was freed! Constrained by stone limitations, most certainly, but all of that could easily have been undone. After all, I possessed the power to recollect myself. If I wanted to, I could have gathered up all the shards in a fortnight. Heck, in another dimension, I may very well be running this modern day shindig called 'Equestria.'

"But all of that would have been... too predictable. Too boring. Too easy. At best, if I repeated things here like my other self had in the neighboring dimension, I might have had a chance of repeating the delicious tragedy that ended me and began... her. But you never make the same work of art twice. No, I had to evolve beyond my alternate self... and see if you could evolve beyond yours."

Opportunities

"And, thus, the game started. A very exciting game... but a risky one. After all, I had put my many broken selves on the line... tossed them all in like chips on a card table. And I just didn't know how to deal. After all, this brand new spark... this inside-out avatar of loyalty was the greatest wildcard of all. Could I read her face? Or would this be an endless gauntlet of bluffing?

"But I knew what the prize was. Oh boy did I know it. And thus, the rules of the game began... to see what would happen if I took a mare who—in another world—had everything beloved taken from her... and suddenly gave her a chance to receive everything she ever wanted.

"And I do mean everything. In the blink of an eye, if need be. All of it... given to her on a table to nibble on or engulf or do whatever the fuzz she wanted to with.

"And just what did that prize turn out to be? It didn't matter, for I was out to prove a point... if not to myself, then to the cosmic powers that belched this beautiful madness into existence.

"What would a mortal do... with immortal rewards? Would she become a bastion of harmony? Or a purveyor of chaos? Just where would her will take her? Where would unfettered selfishness and pure id lead?

"To nowhere, that's what.

"Imagine my shock when week after week... offering after offering... she refused... she outright denied the gifts that I had to give to her. Scoffed at it. Barked at it! Tossed the party cable over and stomped her way through the cake frosting. And to go where? Back into the fuzzy pocket that was her own, tender, loving heart? It was so empty there! I knew it! I felt it! I saw it... or at least—in another world—the painful burden of carrying it... of feeding off it.

"And it's not like I wanted to do this for the sake of being kind! No! I had a point to make! And that point is that mortals crave chaos! They do what they desire and they desire what they do! Nothing more! Plain and simple! It takes a great deal of pointless, useless courage and sympathy to be harmonic... to give up everything you could ever gain just to be yet another table leg holding up this artifice of a civilized world. And—hoo hoo boy—sister, did you choose to be harmonious.

"Or did you...?

"What's so 'harmonious' about a lonely life, spent day after day, trapped by the shadows of your own bedroom, where only a cold pint of cider or an afternoon spent weeping in the shower could rid you of even a modicum of your tears? What's so structured about letting the walls close in, so that there's no way out, even though the only thing you've ever wanted to do was let somepony... to let one pony in?

"No... this was something putrid. Something rancid. Something far filthier and way more pathetic than harmony! This was loyalty cubed... a prison with no windows... where you can't even get a chuckle out of the cracks in the fourth wall! GAG How I wanted to strangle you at times! There were moments when I thought you were just trying to taunt me! That you had figured out the game and masterfully reversed it! But that can't be possible! You're just a pony! A mere mortal with the brain of an earthworm and a cuddle gland the size of Mount Neighverest! Why did you keep turning me down?! Why?!

"Is it that you're punishing yourself?! Heaven forbid! You're only the most egostistical, narcissistic, pegasisteriffic braggart in the whole galloping herd of Equestria! I thought I had landed myself the biggest fish in the pond! But instead, I got a winged cherub with the squeaky-trilling grace of a feline guppy! How could somepony so brash on the outside be so tiny on the inside?! And it's not like you're ignorant of it! You know what you want! You see what you want! Every day... every damned day you brush by her... you hear her! You smell her! And with a single snap of my claws I could have given you her! And more! Alllll the more plus mega-more and the inside out of the most!

"But you didn't give in...

"You... y-you just didn't!

"Every time! Every adventure! Every near-death date with disaster!

"You had an opportunity and you threw it back onto the pedestal! The same pedestal that she's on in your mind! What for?! Do you have anything to go on? Are you so deluded that you make the one pony you wish to touch absolutely untouchable?! What is it that lies curled up inside her?! Beneath all those freckles and all that twang and all those... grnnnghh... insufferable y'all's is the key to what makes you tick, and I've ridden on all angles of your flankitude and still I can't figure it out! What is it, Sparky, Rainbow Dash?! What is it that makes you weep... makes you laugh... makes you give up the ghost for the mare you love the most and yet you can't even be bothered to trot up and tell her those... six... damned... words?!"

Exeunt Lancie

"But I am not you," Discord said. "Nor am I a good pony... or a good dragonequus... or a good anything." He looked up, his yellow eyes glazed over. "And for the first time in eons, this... bothers me. It gnaws at me that... that I can't understand your passion... the thing that makes you suffer for love... to be acknowledged by somepony whom—for all of your narcisissm and pompous braggerty—you hold on a pedestal so far above your own self that you'd be willing to give up every other awesome thing in the world."

He waved his talon through the starry night's breeze.

"With a single wave of my hand, I could create the mare of your dreams. Even as weak as I still am without my other parts. And it wouldn't have to be Applejack. She'd be your perfect partner through the sheer charm of chaotic spell-casting that I'd toss your way. You could have every wish fulfilled: somepony to hold you close at night, to give you someone to cry comfortably in the presence of, to treat as both a trophy and an object of worship."

He sighed, hanging and shaking his head.

"But that just wouldn't cut it for you, would it? Because—beyond all the barriers of power and awe—you're still too true... too real... too awesome to accept an illusion as anything but... aren't you?"

Rainbow Dash gulped. She merely nodded.

Discord's nostrils flared. He hugged himself, gazing towards Ponyville. "I don't know what's worse... the fact that I predicted that response... or that I'd be almost disappointed if you didn't. I've hung out with you so long, playing this silly game, that I almost root for you in this... despicable quest that keeps killing yourself... more and more with each passing day. We both know what you want... what you deserve. But I can't think of a way for you to get it any more than you want to. And... and even if I tried to help you... you just wouldn't accept it? Would you?"

The pegasus didn't respond.

"I've... I've been doing it wrong. I've always been doing it wrong. My power—it is a crutch. For eons, I never imagined so. But if this is what I can expect from all mortals... this courage and sheer patience... then... th-then..." Discord swallowed a lump down his throat. "I feel like a loser... a clueless fool who's been missing out on a more proper and fun game. A game that everypony else has mastered. Well, maybe not you, but I'm not certain I've got the fortitude to go at it any longer. I... I'd have to start lower. And when compared to the most awesome pegasus alive, that's nowhere near to your level."

Rainbow bit her lip. "What are you s-saying...?"

"I... I'm not entirely certain what I am saying." The creature was shivering at this point. He ran a talon over his antlers, gnashing his teeth. "You've taught me so much... shown me so much... and yet I understand so very little. Maybe... just maybe if I were to live it... in your horesshoes... or something quite similar."

Discord shrugged.

"... ... ...maybe I just might finally come to understand. But not as Discord... and neither as 'Lancie.'"

He sighed, hanging his head.

"Those last shards are best kept where they are. Lost beyond the Wasteland where no ambitious or evil pony will get ahold of them." He gritted his teeth. "Better yet... I won't be getting ahold of them. I'm... not certain I can trust myself to gain absolute power again. I wouldn't enjoy losing all that I've gained... and I wouldn't be proud of the monster that nopony on this mortal plane would have the werewithawal to defeat at this point."

"Lancie...?" Rainbow began to tremble.

"I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash. But until I can get my head straight, I shouldn't be around anypony. And until you can learn to straighten things out in your own life, I shouldn't be around you either." He stood up straight, raising a pair of talons. "You've got your iced lavender, my final gift. Stars know, all of my other gifts have only made your life more hectic."

"Lancie!" She ran forward.

"Good bye. And good luck." Snap!

Flash!

Rainbow ran through an empty cloud of dust and noise. As her vision cleared, she scuffled to a stop, standing alone and breathless at the top of the hill. She gulped... sniffling once and twice before murmuring to the wind:

"... ... ...back at ya."

Silence.

With a shudder, Rainbow Dash turned around. She spotted the potted plants of the rare, glowing flower. Clenching her jaw, she reached in, hugged them to her chest with numb forelimbs, then took off.

FWOOSH!

On strong wings, Rainbow flew south, heading straight for Sweet Apple Acres.

Miracledashery

The first thing Rainbow Dash noticed was how incredibly full the central lawn of Sweet Apple Acres was. The farmhouse was virtually surrounded with wagons, tents, and what looked to be a miniature stage for fundraising events during the daytime. If Rainbow didn't know any better, she'd guess that over half of Ponyville was parked directly outside the Apple Family Residence over the better part of the last week.

Nevertheless, she made a wind-whistling bee-line for the front porch.

There, she hovered before the door, cradling the iced lavenders in one forelimb and raising the other hoof to strike the doorframe.

At last, she lingered.

Her jaw muscles tightened and her ears twitched.

Beyond the flapping of her wings, Rainbow Dash could hear the shuffling of hoofsteps, the murmuring of melancholic voices, and a familiar... weeping breath or two.

A knot formed in the back of the pony's throat.

Slowly... with nervous wingstrokes... she strafed to the left, gliding past several windows. She peered in, seeing familiar faces... familiar coat colors... lavender... yellow... white... pink.

Then, with a shift of her feathers, she ascended.

The mare reached the upstairs bedroom windows. Gazing beyond one pane, she saw Apple Bloom lying quietly in bed. A golden-blonde head rested against the covers. Applejack was seated next to her, and the simple twitch of the sleeping mare's ears sent electric jolts surging through the pegasus' heart.

But Rainbow's eyes narrowed on the filly in particular. She gazed for several silent seconds. At last, she saw Apple Bloom's forelimbs stir, followed by a shifting of her face muscles.

Rainbow exhaled with relief. Then, flapping her wings more slowly, she descended until she was once again level with the first floor.

There, she found a window, and beyond it the pegasus spotted stripes... gray fur... and leafy ears.

Holding her breath, Rainbow drifted forward. One by one, she planted the potted specimens of once-extinct flowers along the windowsill. As soon as she made sure they were balanced, she drifted backwards.

Nopony inside was even looking her way.

Clenching her teeth, Rainbow flew forward, gripped the edge of the window, and savagely lifted with the full extent of her numb limbs.

"Grnnngh... grkkk!"

At last, she got the window to budge... and then raised it the rest of the way.

A cold breeze from the outside world whistled inward, filtering into the air of the bottom floor.

Within a blink, Rainbow soared up, darting out of sight of those downstairs.

She rested against the ceiling, holding her breath, feeling the pounding of her heart.

At first, she sensed nothing.

But then...

Hoofsteps. Quiet as a shadow's—but still there. Rainbow peered down just far enough to see a fanged muzzle peering out, then leaning back in. A pair of dark hooves gripped the window, preparing to close it shut once more.

However... the stallion froze, and Rainbow heard a deep... deep gasp emanate from his lungs.

"By the Goddess," Noir exhaled. He picked one of the potted flowers up. Rainbow had never seen the sarosian tremble before, but right now he was struggling to even hold the specimen upright. "Zecora... Miss Zecora! Come here! Right away!"

Exhausted hoofsteps dragged across the floorboards.

"Just what is it, my midnight friend?" A tired yawn. "On a good night's rest, our expertise depends."

"Feast your eyes, my dear..."

"... ... ...black shadows of November!" The zebra's familiar voice stammered. "Is... is this iced lavender?!"

"Ice lavender?" Galloping hoofsteps. "Let Trixie see!" The mother of all gasps. "Sparkle! Sparkle, come look! Do Trixie's eyes deceive her?!"

"Omigosh! Omigosh! How did that even get here?!"

"To answer that, I cannot guess! By utter circumstance, we are blessed!"

"It matches everything the Lunar Code has ever documented in our archives."

"I agree, Mr. Noir. These are... without a doubt... real specimens of Iced Lavender!"

"Then what is everypony waiting for?! Trixie will go fetch the mortar and pestle!"

"Shhhh! Be careful about it! This is the first documented finding of Iced Lavender in... in f-forever! We have to do this right or we won't make a proper formula for Apple Bloom!"

"Just how did they even get here?!"

"Did... did somepony—"

"We've wasted enough time! Wake the Apple Family! Tell them we're working on an antidote right now! Oh, blessed Celestia! It's a miracle! As sure as I'm born..."

Rainbow Dash held a pair of hooves over her muzzle. With flapping wings, she ascended high above the farm house...

...and began pacing in midair.

The Broth

There was movement on the bottom floor of the Apple Family household.

Busier movement than usual...

Rainbow Dash heard it several minutes into her aerial pacing. She dipped down low, craning an ear towards the front open window.

"Is that it, Mr. Noir?"

"This broth should do the trick, Ms. Sparkle."

"Are you certain of that? Trixie could add more samples of the lavender."

"No. No, we mustn't overdo it. There's only so little material that we can work with, and I do believe yours and Ms. Sparkle's enchantment should magnify the flower's effect."

"Then what are we waiting for?"

"Has Ms. Applejack been alerted?"

"She's waiting upstairs, Mr. Noir, along with Zecora."

"Here. Trixie will help you carry the medicine up there."

"Much appreciated, Ms. Lulamoon. Let us be calm. Don't spill the broth."

Several ponies' hooves clamored up the stairs.

Rainbow Dash clenched her teeth. Wings flapping, she ascended, then hovered over towards the opposite end of the house's second level. She lingered just above the window, craning her neck to peer in slightly.

An orange figure knelt next to Apple Bloom's bed, alongside the tell-tale signs of Granny Smith, Big Macintosh, Zecora and Stu Leaves. When Noir, Twilight Sparkle, and Trixie entered, the ponies turned to look.

"Is that it...?" Applejack asked, her voice heavy... breath shuddering. "Is that what's going to fix my little sister?"

"That remains to be seen, Ms. Applejack," Noir's voice said. "Zecora? If you could help me in administering the broth?"

"Please step aside, Applejack, as we try to bring your sister back."

Sniffling. "You do your best. I-I believe in you..."

"Where in Celestia's name did you get the ingredients from?" Stu's voice asked.

"They... uh... appeared on the window sill," Twilight remarked.

"They what?! Then just who's responsible for—?"

"Will y'all kindly stop yer yappin'?" Granny Smith growled. "Zecora's given our little one her vittles!"

"Shhhhh..." Zecora's voice breathily said, "Drink up, Apple Bloom, our dearest friend. This soup is guaranteed to put you on the mend."

Silence.

"Did... did she drink all of it?"

"Shhhhh!"

More dead silence.

Rainbow Dash leaned in. She bit her lip... trembled... shook...

And then...

"Crkkk! Kaff! Kaff! Mmmmm..." A tiny voice mewled, whimpered, then wheezed. "Guhhh... Apple... Applejack? Why are... why're there so many ponies in my room...?"

"Apple Bloom...?"

"Oh gosh. Did... did I sleep in through school? Miss Cheerilee's going to kill me..."

"Oh Apple Bloom!" That drawling voice wept melodically. Bed covers shuffled. Apple Bloom yelped as she was swept up into a dear, dear hug. "Oh darlin'... I-I lurve you so much. Praise Celestia... Praise Celestia Almighty...!"

"Applejack? What's...what's wrong? Guh... You're squishing me..."

"Nothin's wrong, sugarcube..." A chuckle, then more sniffling... weeping. "Everythang's just heavenly. Oh praise Celestia... m-my little sister is back, everypony!"

"Woohooo!"

"Hot diggety!"

"Eeeyup!"

"Boundless elation! A cause for celebration!"

"Okay... did y'all enter me in a pageant or somethin'? This is startin' to get weird..."

"Heheheh..."

"Yer so precious to me, Apple Bloom. Oh... what a miracle." Applejack giggled and sobbed all at once. "What a fine miracle indeed...!"

By this time, Rainbow Dash was melting. She hugged herself, teetering over, weighed down by the lump in her throat. Sniffling, the mare clenched her eyes shut before they moistened. After several shuddering breaths, she lifted up, tilted about, and shot her way towards town on a blue streak.

She may have done a couple of twirls and backflips along the way.

Back to Gray

On the northeast edge of Ponyville...

Floating loftily above the green fields and babbling brooks...

A cloud home resided, blotting out a patch of stars.

Inside, the rooms were gray, quiet, desolate.

On the far east side, within the confines of a dark bedroom...

Rainbow Dash lay in bed, her traveling things tossed in a loose stream across the floor from the door to where she was reclined.

The mare curled up with her blankets, her head buried in a pillow.

Her muzzle hung twisted between elation and distress.

Applejack's voice rang in one ear, sobbing and ecstatic. Discord's voice lingered in the other, growing distant and fading.

Sunken between the two, Rainbow Dash collapsed...

And she wept.

Sometimes smiling... at other times grimacing...

In all cases growing lighter, fainter, number.

She wept and wept until there was no more shuddering, and then her body glided off into dull gray slumber.

Alone.

Appledashery

Rainbow Dash had been through some tough straits.

She fought her way out of a diamond dog cavern to free hundreds of prisoners.

She got herself entangled with the mob after a stressful week spent in Manehattan.

When Apple Bloom got sick, she went on an epic trip to a faraway land, encountering griffons, venomous cave spiders, and all manner of ferocious dragons.

She did battles with behemoths and brushed with death, courtesy of a psychotic assassin.

And yet...

No amount of danger...

No amount of peril could have prepared her... could have even shaped her...

For the sheer depths she was about to plunge to now.

Even today, when she recounts the scenario to me, I have a hard time believing her. Celestia knows that, if I didn't know Rainbow Dash personally, I would have given up on the story altogether at this point. And I certainly wouldn't blame you for doing so as well.

Because, you see, not everypony has the same sort of absurd patience that Rainbow Dash does. It's a masochistic thing... a lonesome thing. Or—at least—it once was. Things are very different now, after all.

But at the time...

When she sank as far as she did...

... it boggles my mind to contemplate how she even survived.

==Part Twenty-One: Loyal Love==

==Part Twenty-One: Loyal Love==

One eyelid fluttered open.

Then the other.

Slowly, Rainbow awoke, peering straight up.

A ceiling of cloud stone loomed directly above her.

She looked to her right... then to her left.

Dull shadows clung to every nook and cranny of the bedroom. It was dead silent... like a grave.

Nothing moved and nothing stirred.

Sunlight hung behind the window's curtains, but even that was a dim and dwindling affair.

At last, with a quiet sigh, Rainbow Dash closed her eyes again.

She didn't move a muscle for hours.

A warm, warm shower poured over the pegasus' petite features.

She sat with her back slumped up against the tile walls of her stall. Wings drooped at her side and she hung her head, allowing the moisture to drip down her skull and muzzle.

Several minutes in, she raised a forelimb, flexing it. Even with the steamy warm moisture rippling down her figure, she could scarcely feel more than a numb tingle.

A shuddering sigh ran through her figure. Rainbow's eyes trailed the floor, watching as the various streams of liquid ran their chaotic paths into the drain.

Rainbow Dash scooted her chair in at her kitchen table. She dug into a bowl of oats under the penumbra of gray sunlight. With each crunching bite she took, the mare grimaced.

The food had grown stale. For the life of her, Rainbow couldn't remember the last time she had gone out shopping for groceries.

One ear twitched, then the other.

She paused halfway through her bowl, leaning back in her chair. She sat there, shoulders slumped and tail limp. Gradually, her eyes lifted, and she scanned the hallway of her sky home—leading back to her bedroom.

Everything was still.

Hauntingly serene.

Her ears twitched again. She tried summoning the semblance of a voice from her memories: snarky, mischievous, and full of boundless sass. Her mind failed her.

So, with a sigh, she fished her spoon back into the bowl, stirred it a bit, and challenged herself to another stale bite.

Rainbow Dash stood in place, fidgeting. Her eyes narrowed on the doorknob to her home's front entrance.

She reached a hoof out, lightly touching it.

There was barely any sensation to register.

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. She pulled her forelimb back, twisting it left and right as she stared at the fuzzy blue fetlock.

Then, with a cold shudder, she lowered the hoof and looked at the front door.

The entrance loomed above her, dark and gray.

She exhaled, tail flicking. Hooves shuffled... but she didn't move forward.

Stifling a sigh, Rainbow Dash crawled back into bed.

She sat up for a brief moment, her body frozen.

She glanced across her bedroom... studying the awkward emptiness of it all.

A lump formed in her throat... until she could gaze no more.

Tossing her body to the side, she flung the covers over herself and curled up into a little ball. It was midday, and the rays of sunlight grew bright and brighter between the edges of the window curtains.

The mare clenched her eyes shut, covering her head as if with a shroud. She found many things there in that dismal darkness... but sleep wasn't one of them.

Part Twenty-One: Loyal Love
(Where Rainbow Dash Bears the Full Weight of Her Element)

Rainbow, Dash?

It was dark outside, or so Rainbow Dash thought. She couldn't tell for certain. She sat up in bed, hugging herself and staring into the shadows all around.

A lot of time had passed... possibly? Maybe?

There was a time when she ate something. It was several naps and showers ago... or perhaps she had dreamt it... or imagined that she had dreamt it.

Her forelimbs were numb—but not dead. There was just enough feeling in them to constantly alert her to the fact that it was all slipping away, resulting in a dull tingle at the end of her fetlocks.

She needed to get more potion. But to get the medicine, she had to acquire bits. But to acquire bits, she needed to do some work like kicking clouds or delivering packages. But doing any such work would just be staving off the time when she'd be having to do everything all over again.

And no matter which way Rainbow Dash looked at it... it still felt like looking at herself several... several months ago. All of the blinks were colored the same, and so she chose to stare into the shadows of her room instead. But the longer she did that, the more her ears tickled, crackling with a voice that was no longer there... or else with a voice that Rainbow couldn't afford herself.

The mare buried her face in her hooves, weathering the first of many sighs. She needed to get out of the house. She needed to get out of the house.

She stayed right where she was for hours on end.

Rainbow Dash wasn't certain what it was that finally got her to move.

Except...

There she was currently...

Standing limply on the opposite side of the house.

And instead of staring into the dim shadows of her abode, she stared at a golden goblet sitting lonesomely on a counter top.

The mare blinked.

All she needed to do was fill it with cider and take a drink.

She could go somewhere.

She could go many... many places... and yet nowhere at all.

A hundred million plausible joys... none real, of course, but joyous all the same.

The mare's tongue hung dull and parched in her muzzle. There was just enough cider in the fridge—she knew—to make magic happen.

She refused to cross the kitchen.

A sigh escaped her nostrils. She could go back to bed... take a shower... or go outside for a flight. Any of those choices were too terribly tied to memories—both happy and sad.

She stood there for far longer than she could count. It didn't matter how much strain it put on her leg muscles. There was no feeling anything anyways.

The light stabbed her eyes.

It was the closest thing to pain that she felt in days.

Rainbow Dash squinted, stretching a wing out to shade her eyes.

She smelled dew and pond water.

She was outside... several blocks away... in a park along the fringes of Ponyville.

The sun rose over the eastern treetops. Chimneys rippled with smoke as downtown inns and restaurants started preparing breakfast for the farmers and visitors of the village.

Rainbow Dash shuddered. She flexed her wing muscles. They were still the strongest... most feeling part of her. The warm rays of the sun brought a tingle to her feathers, but it didn't last too long.

On numb hooves, Rainbow descended from the bench where she was squatting. With lumbering steps, she made for the opposite end of the park—where the sun was lest bright. Maybe—once she was rested—she could sit down and try to remember whatever it was that inspired her to finally get out of the house to begin with.

For the time being, the brightness and the ever-warming world only made her wish she was somewhere else... somewhere darker... with soft covers rolling over her body.

Somewhere during her stumbling trot, she came across a park waste bin where half of a newspaper dangled out from where it had been inordinately stuffed. The pegasus winter-wrapper inside of Rainbow Dash cringed, and she stretched a wing out to scoop the rest of the detritus back into the container.

In doing so—however—she caught sight of the newspaper's top headline: “DON CANTER'S ILLEGAL ASSETS EXPOSED.”

Rainbow Dash froze. She tilted her head to the side, squinting at the words.

From the text that was still visible between splotches of moisture, the front page article detailed how Don Canter—one of Manehattan's most prominent entrepreneurs—had suddenly and inexplicably vanished. In the absence of the stallion and many of his “business associates,” a group of ponies had stepped up, confessing to having harbored illegal and stolen goods for the multi-millionaire. This led to an investigation of his property and the subsequent seizure of countless items of pilfered merchandise. Over the past few days, all of Manehattan was abuzz with the utter collapse of Don Canter's fortune. Meanwhile, dozen upon dozens of eyewitness accounts came out of the woodwork, exposing a huge network of criminal miscreants making up the upper echelon of Manehattan's elite.

Rainbow Dash didn't realize it at first, but she was breathing heavily. Something pounded in her chest, and it increased the tingling along the edges of her fetlocks.

For the first time in as long as she could remember, a devilish smirk graced the edges of her muzzle.

Then she felt something else deep inside... something softer than pain.

Her stomach was gurgling.

With flexing wing-muscles, Rainbow Dash turned about... and headed her way downtown.

Towards Sugarcube Corner.

Generosity Takes a Holiday

Rainbow Dash sat at a table... alone... eating a muffin.

She took her sweet time, not fussing too much through each bite—or else make an embarrassing mistake like dropping the morsel from her numb forelimbs.

For the better part of an hour, she sat there, allowing a modicum of strength to return to her body—slowly—one sip of orange juice after another.

At some point—beyond the comings and goings of multiple patrons—she spotted a pale splotch of a figure shuffling daintily inside. She looked up, then returned to her muffin.

"... ... ...!!!"

Rainbow Dash glanced up again, blinking wide.

Rarity stood calmly at the counter, finishing her order. When Mrs. Cake showed up with a cup of coffee, the unicorn smiled, hoofed over two bits, then levitated the beverage in her magical grasp.

Rainbow Dash opened her muzzle with a smile—but lingered. She sat on the edge of her seat, wing muscles twitching. One hoof raised up... but only half-heartedly waved.

Rarity turned about, taking a sip of her coffee. She caught Rainbow Dash through the corner of her vision and instantly jolted to a stop, saddlebags flouncing. "Mmmm...!" She tilted her lips back from the hot cup, gulping. "Rainbow Dash! Good heavens! It's delightful to see you!"

"H-hey, Rarity. How's it hoofin'?"

"Marvelously. It's... blessed Celestia... it's been a good many days, hasn't it?"

"Yeah." Rainbow gulped. "Crazy week, eh?"

"Yes... crazy..." Rarity's eyes narrowed. "You... you do know that Apple Bloom has fully recovered...?"

Rainbow froze in place. "I... I heard that. Yes."

Rarity blinked. Her ears twitched, and she shifted from side to side. "Rainbow... have you...?" The elegant mare grimaced, then pivoted towards the door. "Erm... never mind. Uhm... m-much to do today."

"Rarity...?"

"It was... nice seeing you, though." And Rarity trotted off.

"Wait!" Swisssh! Rainbow Dash flew over, blocking her way. "Rarity, is... is there something wrong?"

"Well, that's the question of the hour, isn't it?"

"Huh?"

Rarity sighed. "Rainbow... darling..." She looked up with a calm, positively parental smile. "Are you doing quite alright?"

Rainbow fought a lump in the back of the throat. "Oh... you know m-me..." She smiled crookedly. "Just as... awesome as I ever am!"

"Truly..." Rarity exhaled. "...you know, it was truly... truly magnificent what you did over a week ago. I mean... if you hadn't flown into town so swiftly and warned Zecora, Twilight, and the others... Applejack's poor sister would never have made it."

"Well hey..." Rainbow shrugged. "I do what I can."

"Yes, well..." Rarity gulped, avoiding the mare's gaze. "You know, Rainbow... there's more than one way to... to do things for a pony. Even when a situation seems hopeless... even lost... just simply being there for someone else is a generous gift in and of itself. Now... n-now please... please don't take this as my coming down on you..."

"Coming... down on me?"

At last, wincing, Rarity braved a direct look at the pegasus. "I... know it's not easy dealing with... grim and disturbing things. Like... the inevitable death of a loved one. But sometimes courage requires us to cast aside logic and just... show how much hope and sincerity we have to give. And I-I know you have lots of both. But... but even still..." She gulped, her ears folding back as she struggled to form the words. "...it boggles my mind that every one of Applejack's friends was there to give her company and support during Apple Bloom's frightful battle with the snake venom. Every friend—but her most loyal one..."

Rainbow's lips parted.

"Maybe... maybe you don't understand how important it was... it is... for someone like Applejack. But... but..." She sniffled, glancing aside. Blinking her eyes multiple times, the mare cleared her throat, regaining composure. "Alas... everything turned out swimmingly in the end. Apple Bloom is trotting on all fours. Zecora and Mr. Noir have fashioned a priceless antidote. Experiments with the Trottingham Science Commission can now resume as normal. It's... it's all for the best."

Rainbow gulped. "And... and Applejack...?"

"Well, Rainbow, I could very well tell you my assessment of her at the moment, but..." Rarity quietly made her exit. "...I think we both know you're asking the wrong pony. Now, I have many busy things to do. I'm... uhm... c-certain you can understand."

Rainbow Dash turned, gazing at her. She opened her muzzle... but no words came out. Hovering in place, the pegasus hugged herself... scarcely feeling a thing.

Hoarse, Of Course

"Nnnngh—grmmmf!" Rainbow Dash punched and kicked her way through yet another rain-cloud.

In a burst of moisture, the sky over west Ponyville cleared. Several hundred meters to the east, the dots of Candy Mane and Thunderlane continued tackling their own clouds, although not as briskly as Rainbow Dash.

Hovering alone in the air, the mare flexed her forelimbs. She winced, rubbing her hooves together, searching for the pain from her exhaustive cloud-kicking. It was somewhere beyond the numbness, but she was at a lost to find it.

With a sigh, she glanced to her left.

Just beyond a line of trees, she spotted the glistening expanse of apple orchards. In the distance was a red barn, shimmering in her peripheral.

Rainbow Dash clenched her jaws tight. She pretended to search for more clouds, but was unsuccessful.

Minutes lurched by...

A half hour...

At last, she dangled in mid-air, hugging herself.

Candy Mane and Thunderlane were still well beyond earshot.

Rainbow fought and fought it... but ultimately failed.

With a cold shudder, she pivoted west... and began flying limply towards Sweet Apple Acres.

Th-thap!

Rainbow's hooves landed on dry grass. The soil was hot to the touch—piercing through the tingling in her fetlocks.

Nevertheless, she faced forward, her ruby eyes plastered to the front door to the Apple Family home. It loomed an agonizing lawn-length away.

Sucking in her breath, Rainbow coiled her wings tightly to the side and strolled forward.

"Applejack, I'm sorry for not being there," she muttered to herself. A gulp. "Applejack... I'm really sorry for not being there for you when Apple Bloom was sick." She chewed on her bottom lip. "Applejack, I'm really really sorry, but there was this thing with a living statue of chaos that was kinda sorta my friend but kinda sorta wanting to betray me all along and yet I still went with him on this startlingly violent journey to fetch some precious iced lavenders to save your baby sister from certain venomous demise and... and..."

She scuffled to a stop, sighing.

"... ... ...Applejack, I'm sorry that I've never... n-never settled for being your friend." She sniffled, her eyes moistening. "Especially when you needed it the most. But... but m-more than that, I... I-I..."

"Rainbow!" I shrieked. "Look out!"

"...huh?" She turned towards me, then jolted. With cat-like precision, her wings flapped, lifting her body up in a feathery leap.

I skidded straight through her shadow, braking the scooter as hard as I could. It took a few floundering seconds for the wagon and the fillies inside it to likewise scuffle to a stop.

"Whew! That was a close one!" I removed my helmet, fanning my face and mane. "I'd never live with myself if I plowed you to bits!"

"Pffft... please, kiddo..." Rainbow Dash lowered down. "You're a living comet, for sure, but it'd take more than that to kill the likes of—" She suddenly did a double-take, gawking at one of the two fillies in the back of the wagon. "Apple Bloom!"

My friend behind me coughed... coughed again... then waved. She smiled from beneath her helmet. "Hey there... Rainbow Dash..." Her voice was hoarse, like sandpaper.

"Ah jeez..." Rainbow Dash winced. She touched down beside us and trotted nervously towards the wagon. "Ah jeez ah jeez ah jeez..." She gulped. "Why's your voice gotta sound like that?"

"It's..." Apple Bloom winced, clutching her throat. "It's... it's..."

"It's fine, Rainbow Dash," Sweetie Belle spoke up, removing her helmet with a smile. "My big sis explained it to me. The antidote Noir and Zecora made fixed Apple Bloom up all nice and good. But there are parts of her body that are... uhhh... still recovering from a week of lying in bed."

"Not to mention that whole 'precariously close to dying for good' bit," I added.

"Heehee! Yeah! That!"

"I'm... uh..." Apple Bloom coughed. "...just a bit dizzy... and it's hard to speak. But..." She winced just long enough to speak, smiling crookedly. "...I'm feeling better and better everyday."

"Yeah!" I smiled. "We just got back from school! Cheerilee had an after-class party for her and everything!"

"She has sooooooooooooo much homework to catch up on," Sweetie Belle said, rolling her eyes and giggling. "You have no idea!"

"Yeah!" I turned to smile at Apple Bloom. "Almost makes you wish you were really dead, huh?"

"Mrmmmff..." Apple Bloom coughed as she removed her helmet. "Only... the m-math part," she wheezed.

The two of us giggled.

"That's... that's good to hear, kid," Rainbow said. "Well... n-not the math part, I suppose. But... what I mean is..."

"It's nice... s-seeing you t-t-too, Rainbow Dash," Apple Bloom stammered. "I c-can't wait to..." She winced, rubbing her throat. "...ch-cheer for you next time you pull flight stunts for Scoots h-here..."

"That's okay." I winked. "I'll do the cheering for the two of us. Heck... for all three of us!"

"We know, Scootaloo." Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. "We know."

Rainbow Dash exhaled through a smile. "It's... it's really good..." She gulped. "Seeing you up and about, that is. Healthy n'stuff."

"Yeah..." Apple Bloom nodded. "It's super cool..."

"Like really..." Rianbow shuddered. Her voice shook. "You've no idea—"

"Is everything okay, Rainbow?" Sweetie Belle asked. "Your eyes look wet."

"Pffft..." I waved a hoof. "She's Ponyville's fastest weather flier. What do you expect?"

"Erm..." Rainbow rubbed her fuzzy face. "Yeah..."

"Just what brings you here, Rainbow?" I asked.

"I was... uhm..." Rainbow fidgeted. "Actually, I was wanting to see if... if..."

"Applejack?" Apple Bloom wheezed.

I glanced at Apple Bloom, then at Rainbow Dash.

"Er... yeah." Rainbow cleared her throat. "Friend stuff. Adult friend stuff."

I smiled.

"She's probably..." Apple Bloom coughed. "...out back."

"Bucking apples?"

"No." She shook her head. "She did that this morning."

"Huh." Rainbow blinked. "Why so early?"

"She's... got stuff to do this afternoon..."

"Like what?"

I cleared my throat. "Why don't you go and ask her yourself, Rainbow?"

Rainbow squinted at me... then smirked. "Yeah..." She turned about, tail flicking. "I think I'll do just that..."

No Sweat

One hoof after another, Rainbow Dash trotted her way behind the barn.

There, an orange figure with freckles and sweat was busy heaving baskets of apples into the back of a cart.

Rainbow's heart jumped—only to sink upon the next breath coming out of her muzzle. She shuddered, eyes locked on Applejack's lithe figure... her fluid movements as she flexed her muscles and filled the cart.

With a gulp, the mare coiled her wings and strolled forward. She came within whimpering distance, her nostrils full of the scent of sweat and hayseeds.

"Erm... uhhh..." Rainbow gulped. "Hey... uhm... Hey there, AJ—"

Applejack spun about, green eyes streaking. "Rainbow Dash!"

"Gnnngh!" Rainbow flinched back, squinting. "I'm sorry! I'm so—"

"Well, gouge my galloshes!" A sweaty... hot hug enveloped the pegasus. "Haven't seen you in ages! Ha-HA! How've you been, girl?"

"Uhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash quivered in the mare's embrace. She opened her eyes to confirm that she was—in fact—surrounded in sweat and orange fuzz. "Uhhh-uhhhh..."

"Oh, shoot. Where are my manners?" Applejack leaned back, wiping her brow and smiling breathily. "I'm more sweat-soaked than a hog at a truffles factory! And Goddess knows yer probably havin' to go deliver all sorts of thangs all across Equestria today. It'd be a shame for you to smell up a doorstep on account of my funk. Hah! If you catch my drift."

"Uhhhh... no?" Rainbow Dash gulped. "Wow, AJ. You're kinda... kinda..."

"Busy? Pfft. I know." Applejack rolled her emerald eyes, returning to the cart. "I mean, that's the nature of the beast, Rainbow. We've been so far behind on account of... well... you know what." She tossed her blond mane and heaved another basket into the cart. "Gnnngh... whew! But I do think I've just about made up for the lack of labor this past week and a half. I've had Big Mac's help, of course. That is—when he ain't off fraternizin' with everypony's favorite pink-maned stallion-killer. Hah!"

"Yeah... uh..." Rainbow wheezed. "That's our Flutters, h-huh?"

"You bet! Grnnngh!" She heaved again, pausing to lean against the wagon and breathe. "But dun mind me. I'm just puttin' in the extra mileage today so I can have my afternoon free."

"Good to know that... uhm... you've got your stride back...?"

"Heehee! And how!"

"So... uhm... I g-guess..." Rainbow Dash rubbed one leg against the other. "You're... n-not mad at me?"

Applejack fanned herself with her hat, glancing over. "... ... ...now why on earth would I be mad at you, sugarcube?"

"Errmm..."

"...!" Applejack's eyes widened. "Hey..." She slapped her hat back onto her blond crown. "That reminds me. I've been meanin' to ask ya about somethin'."

"Oh Applejack..." Rainbow Dash shook in place. "I'm so... so sorry. You've g-got to believe me."

"What do ya think..." Applejack strolled over to a table, grabbed a mug, then trotted back to Rainbow Dash. "...of this?"

Rainbow glanced at the container. Nervously, she clasped it—using two hooves so that her numb limbs wouldn't drop it. "Uhm... is this what I think it is?"

"Heehee! Give it a sip, ya silly horse!"

Rainbow took a breath, leaned in, then sipped the cider heartily. Her ruby pupils shrank, and her ears twitched.

"Well?" Applejack beamed. "What do ya think?"

Rainbow Dash exhaled. "... ... ...it's the most delicious thing I've ever tasted."

Applejack let loose a good-natured guffaw. "Hahaha! Ohhhhhh... I dunno about that. But I'm mighty flattered either way." She tipped her hat back and pointed proudly at a few barrels. "Right after Apple Bloom got cured, I had three straight days where I couldn't sleep. So I scrounged up an old recipe that Granny Smith had hidden away, and I dun improved on our apple cider formula! What do ya think?"

"It's... it's..." Rainbow Dash licked her muzzle, smiling drunkenly. "...awesome."

"Hmmmf..." Applejack rolled her eyes with a smirk. "Leave it to you to give it some straight-forward vocabulary description."

"Well, I mean it. It's super great, AJ." Rainbow Dash swirled the mug. "Is this—like—going to be your new product for the upcoming cider season?"

"Mmmm... maybe. Maybe not. It's a bit too tangy for my liking."

"Tangy?"

"Look, I didn't invent the word. Blame the pony who gave me the idea to jazz it up a bit." Applejack strolled back towards the table full of barrels. "But I want him to have a taste too. See if he thinks it's worth puttin' his money where his muzzle is. Hehehe... if you get my drift."

"I... uh... I really don't. But sure."

Applejack giggled again.

Rainbow smiled. "It's... it's super cool seeing you in such a good mood." She instantly winced. "Er... I mean..."

"Dun sweat it, sugarcube," Applejack said, pouring herself a mug and enjoying the smell. "I intend to enjoy it while it lasts. Life is just so... miraculous at times, ain't it?"

"Heh. Sure thing."

"I intend to capitalize on it somethin' proper." Applejack took a strong sip, then exhaled. "Startin' this week and onward. No more standin' all still and lettin' time get the best of me... of all of us!"

"Hey. Yeah. That's the spirit, AJ!"

"I'd lurve to stand and chat, RD, but we'll have to continue this samplin' another time," Applejack said. She slapped a cork in a barrel and tossed it into the back of her cart. "Rrnnngh... right now, I've got somewhere to be."

"Right." Rainbow pointed. "You said you were trying to free up your evening."

"Eeyup." Applejack threw a tarp over the cart. "Right now, I'm takin' a good warm shower and then headin' into town to grab a bite at the Daisy Den Restaraunt."

"Oh yeah?" Rainbow Dash took another sip. "Mmmff... that's a fancy place to be going by yourself."

"Hahah! Dun be silly, sugarcube!" Applejack smiled, trotting off. "I'm meeting Stu there."

"Heh. Cool beans." Rainbow Dash sipped. Rainbow Dash blinked. Rainbow Dash dropped the mug to the ground. "What."

ColorBlind

"Hmm?" Applejack hummed, pausing to shut the doors to the nearby barn.

Rainbow Dash blinked, lost in a numb stupor. Soon, she realized that the last sound coming out of Applejack was meant to be an inquisition. So, with raspy (anti)-eloquence, she lisped: "With... with Stu?"

"What?" Applejack blinked, as if coming out of a dream. "Oh! Right. The restaurant. Well... eheh..." She brushed her bangs back. "Not exactly my bread and butter... even if they do serve bread and butter." She let loose a guffaw that was too melodic to be natural, but at least she followed it up with a realistic sigh. "Stu insists that the daisy stroganoff there is to die for. I'm... only goin' there to shut him up, really."

"Oh... uh..." Rainbow gulped. "Okay."

"Though... he's awfully good at listenin'," Applejack said, almost cooed. It nearly tore the earth out from underneath Rainbow Dash, but the earth pony obliviously rambled forth: "Especially lately. I mean... Stu's always been a good friend... even if a clumsy one. Heh. But lately, he's proven to be just... just..."

"Just what?" Rainbow wheezed, fighting the urge to go cross-eyed.

"Mmmm... just there," Applejack said with a shrug. "No other way to describe it, really. I mean... for a pegasus... he's very... very well grounded. And he ain't imposin' about the way he makes observations and suggestions and... and..." Applejack readjusted her hat and exhaled. "Eh... reckon I ain't makin' much sense. Point is, he's been so very generous to me as of late. Especially with his company. Seems only proper that I pay him the same respect in turn. I mean... it's just a silly dinner at this place he likes. That's... erm... p-perfectly normal for friends to do." For a brief moment, Applejack's voice took on a pensive tone. Her gaze turned towards Rainbow Dash. "Ain't it...?"

For the first time since arriving there, Rainbow Dash felt a sense of agency.

"Oh! T-totally!" She blurted. Squeaked. "Really... really friendly stuff to do! Between friends!" She gulped, smiling crookedly. "Ponies who are just friends to one another."

Applejack's eyes lit-up, as if with pent-up release. "Oh... oh g-good..." She chuckled sideways. "C-can't believe I was having some mighty loopty-thoughts there." A brief pause, and she squinted off into the distance. "Should I rethink lettin' my mane down? I mean, it's not exactly a fancy restaurant but I've seen mares there wearin' pearls n'such on the outdoor patio..."

"Bringthehat. Bringthehat!!" Rainbow Dash coughed, sputtered.

Applejack jolted. "You... you alright there, sugarcube?"

Rainbow Dash wheezed, slapped her fuzzy chest, and smiled. It came out as a wince. "Oh. Me? Just fine and dandy!"

"You poor thang. You must be worked to the bone with all yer deliveries as of late." Applejack smiled, trotting off. "We really need to catch up, you and I."

"You... y-you think?"

"Well, not tonight, of course. But... but sometime soon! I promise!" Applejack waved and headed for her house. "I swear, I'm missin' havin' yer colors around! Heh... you should drop in more! Y'know... like ya used to!"

"Uh huh..." Rainbow Dash waved limply as Applejack sauntered off. Soon enough, the pegasus stood in the dying light of the afternoon.

Alone.

"...all you need to do is ask..."

And she bit her lip tightly shut.

Something to Drink About

Glug glug glug glug glug glug!

Rainbow Dash slapped the empty cider glass down.

"Mrmrkk!" She belched inwardly, then slurred across the bar table. "I don't get it! I spent... like... an entire friggin' road trip with the two of them! I had conversations on both sides!" Rainbow gestured with her hooves. "AJ wasn't interested in anypony. Stu was interested in AJ... but decided to stick to simple friendship!"

"Did he say that himself or did you convince him of that?" Vinyl Scratch asked from across the table.

"Does it matter?!" Rainbow's voice cracked. She slumped back with a sigh, staring sideways at her dull reflection in the night-swept glass window of the pub. "Anyways, I dun flippin' remember. All I know is—last time I checked—Stu and Applejack were just friends."

"But now things are different?" Caramel asked.

"Now things are... kinda different?" Rainbow Dash nervously twirled the glass in her hooves, staring into the tabletop. "I mean... she seems pretty interested in hanging out with him. And I-I don't think this evening is the first time."

"You didn't..." Caramel leaned forward, his eyes blinking. "...follow them, did you?"

"Pffft! Buck no!" Rainbow scowled. "Who do you take me for?"

Caramel and Vinyl Scratch both raised their eyebrows.

"Okay... okay..." Rainbow sighed, folding her wings in tighter. "So I... mmm... obsess over her just a bit."

"Just a bit?" Lyra spoke up, looking over the magazine she was perusing. "Holy hoof grenades, girl. You're practically her fuzzy doormat."

Rainbow pointed. "Applejack has never walked over me."

"Heh. You'd let her if she wanted," Lyra said, smirking.

"Rainbow Dash..." Bon Bon leaned forward with a smile. "It's perfectly platonic for two ponies to enjoy a dinner out together."

"I'd say!" Lyra chuckled, gesturing. "Hell. Bon Bon and I do it all the time!"

Bon Bon clenched her jaw... unclenched... then exhaled. "Right. Anyways, my point is that you just... might be overreacting. You've said it yourself. Both ponies haven't had a reason to be more than friends in the past, right?"

"Well..." Rainbow Dash sighed. "Stu's wanted... something out of it before."

"Didn't you three go through some very intense stuff on your trip to Orlandoats?" Caramel asked.

"Whew!" Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Girl, did we!"

"Well..." Caramel smiled passively. "If Stu came out of that respecting the distance between him and Applejack, then I can't imagine him falling back on it."

Vinyl spoke up while scribbling notes on a music sheet. "Unless, of course, the two of them went through something else that was intense later on..."

Rainbow Dash blinked. "You mean when Applejack's sister got super-super sick?"

"Mmmhmmm."

Rainbow squinted. "You know about that?"

Vinyl looked up, glancing over her shades. "Who doesn't know about that?"

"Rainbow Dash, everypony in town visited the farm at one point or another to pay their respect and give their well wishes," Bon Bon said.

"Even I showed up once or twice," Lyra said. "A few of my students are close friends to the Apple family and their little raddish sprout."

"In fact, there was a brief fundraiser that was set up to try and support Apple Bloom's recovery." Bon Bon giggled. "Still, after she... y'know... miraculously got better on her own, the Mayor offered to reimburse everypony. The town collectively voted to put it towards research on Tartarusian snake venom."

"Yeah, wasn't that sweet?" Caramel smiled.

"Apple Bloom didn't get better on her own," Rainbow muttered. "It was the iced lavenders that cured her."

"Oh?" Bon Bon blinked. "So you were there, Rainbow Dash!"

Rainbow paled. "Uhhh..."

"Cuz I didn't see you each time I visited. I figured you were being aloof... not trying to bring any attention to yourself. Which—I suppose—is tasteful."

"I... erm..."

"Is that what the stuff is called?" Vinyl Scratch asked. "The stuff that cured Apple Bloom?"

"Where do you suppose they got it?" Caramel asked.

Rainbow huddled lower in her seat. She bit her lip.

"Eh... either the zebra or the bat pony found it, I bet," Lyra muttered.

"Uhm..." Bon Bon frowned. "Their names are Zecora and Noir."

"Hah! For real?" Lyra grinned. "Then I refuse to call 'em that until they come up with something more original."

"Ungh..." Bon Bon rolled her eyes.

"Was... uhm..." Rainbow Dash gulped. "...was the whole town actually there at Sweet Apple Acres?"

"Well, in spurts, here or there," Vinyl remarked. "It's not like everypony in Ponyville just house-crashed all at once."

"I figured you were inside with Applejack the entire time," Bon Bon said. "I saw her with Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity, Stu, Pinkie Pie and—"

"Did you say Stu?"

Bon Bon blinked. "Well... yeah. What did you not see him?"

"Well... a few times..." Rainbow Dash coughed. "Sure..."

"He was there every time I showed up to visit and donate things," Bon Bon said. "In fact... I don't remember a time when I didn't see him."

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. "With Applejack..."

Bon Bon only nodded.

"Now Rainbow..." Caramel smiled. "In times of trouble, we often find ourselves surprised by who shows up to lend a helping hoof."

"Or a shoulder to cry on," Bon Bon added.

"Right." Caramel nodded. "I think Stu was just the kind of pony Applejack needed to share her grief and anxious thoughts with. I'm sure that... if things had gone far worse... then Applejack still would have been thankful for the support of a friend. Just as she's happy to have had Twilight's support or Rarity's... or yours."

Rainbow clenched her jaw. She glanced aside.

Caramel blinked. "Is... is something wrong?"

"It's just that..." Rainbow gulped. "Times have changed. Apple Bloom's healed. So... like... why is Applejack still hanging out with Stu?"

Caramel sighed. "We can't answer all of your questions, Rainbow Dash." He smiled. "But I bet I know who can."

Rainbow fidgeted. "Stu."

"It's worth a shot. After all..." He giggled. "...you both are friends too, right?"

Hurricane Stu

Rainbow Dash flew over the rooftops of Ponyville for the sixth consecutive time that next afternoon.

Sighing, she squinted, scanning each road, sidewalk, and side-street below.

"Whereishewhereishewhereishe...?"

She gritted her teeth, bending her wings so she could come around for another flyby.

"I swear... if he wasn't so friggin' average-looking, I'd find him in a jiffy..." Her brow furrowed. "... ... ... what would a mare like Applejack see in a dude so friggin'... ... ...male?"

She thought about that, went cross-eyed, and bopped her own head.

"Stupid. Stupid stupid—just... just get it out of your skull. They're friends. Just friends." A long sigh. "Much like how we're just friends..."

Dutifully, she swept over the town yet again.

"...probably lost somewhere, getting his head stuck in a mailbox or something." She blew out the side of her muzzle. "Been taking lessons from Miss Hooves. Heck... that ditzy mare could teach him a thing or two—Hello!" She braked in midair, staring down at a thick line of ponies.

Stallions and mares were all filing up before a wooden stand situated just off to the side of Ponyville's Town Hall. A draping banner read: "Cloudsdale Weather Commission." It was obvious to the mare that the ponies were all signing up for something. Exactly what it was became clear once she realized that they were all pegasi.

And among those waiting in line, smiling and chatting with another stallion, was Stu.

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath... flexed her wing muscles... and—at last—dove down in a fla—

"Rainbow Dash!" The grinning face of a brown stallion with a gray mane flew into her vision. "Hey there!"

"...!" Rainbow's body leaned backwards until she hovered in place, tethered to the pony's smile. "Sharp Quill! Hey! Uhm... it's you! And you're here!"

"Feels like it's been ages since I've seen your colors streaking overhead! Heheheh!" Sharp Quill held his hoof out. "Put 'er there!"

"Mmmmm..." Rainbow gritted her teeth, throwing all of her effort into the hoof-bump.

"Whoah. Kinda weak there." Sharp Quill smirked slyly. "Been digging into lean oats, I bet. Hah! I don't suppose there's a race coming up that you're needing to be lighter for?"

"Uhhhhhh..." Rainbow struggled to look over his shoulder at the average target below. "...maybe?"

"Well, we could definitely use the wingpower of a pegasus like you for the cyclone summoning."

"Uhhhhhh..." Rainbow craned her head to the other side, but each time Sharp Quill's amicable face blocked her.

"The dudes from Cloudsdale say we need about three hundred wing power to properly get the tornado spinning so we can swiftly remove the dead trees from the northwest edge of the forest."

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow suddenly blinked, staring at him directly. "Wait, what cyclone?"

"Wow. You've really been in another world lately, haven't you?" Sharp Quill blinked. "The Cloudsdale Weather Commission has finally agreed to take up the problem with the dead trees skirting the northwest edge of Everfree. No animals are living there, and the soil's too poor to grow new vegetation. So they're needing a bunch of expert weather ponies to help summon a tornado so we can clear that place out lickety-split!" He looked left, right, then leaned into whisper into Rainbow's ear. "Rumor is... they're going to build a castle there."

"Don't be stupid," Rainbow droned. "The last thing Ponyville needs is some lame castle."

Sharp Quill shrugged. "It's just what I heard! Anyways, you should totally join! They need super-fast fliers like you! Also..." He smirked. "They're paying some major bits."

"I've... uhm..." Rainbow Dash stirred. "...k-kinda got a lot on my plate as of recently."

"Heh. I get it. You are a busy mare, after all." Sharp Quill waved. "Anyways, I'm gonna go talk to the other guys and girls signing up. After the ponies are finished being selected, they're gonna vote on a team captain! I bet you'd be awesome for such a role!"

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow stared at the group below... at Stu Leaves in the center of them. Suddenly, she frowned. "You know what? Count me in."

"Oh?" Sharp Quill paused in mid-air, glancing at her over his shoulder. "You're going to join in?"

"Buck yeah, I'm joining!" She gave him a devilish smirk—although she kept Stu Leaves in her peripheral vision the whole time. "Ponyville's counting on me to make sure something like this goes right. Besides... it's about time I showed off who has real guts around here..."

Where the Boys At?

"And then..." Thunderlane smiled, eyebrows wagging. "That's when she said 'No, you have chicken mouth!'"

"Haa haa!" Stu Leaves stood in line, buckling with laughter. "Ha ha ha ha! Haaaaaaa..." He sighed through a big grin. "...I still don't get it."

"What's up, fillies and fillycolts?" Sharp Quill strolled up, smirking.

"The sky," Thunderlane said with a yawn.

"You know it!" Sharp Quill looked aside at Stu. "Hey! I know you! Aren't you... the guy... who does the thing?"

"Ah jeez..." Stu bit his lip, wings drooping. "I do hope it's a good thing."

"Heheh. Just joshin' you." Sharp Quill winked. "Word is I'm not the only pegasus newcomer to Ponyville."

"Yeah, I moved in here a few months ago," Stu said with a nod. "You?"

"Pretty much the same. This is such a sweet place, ya think?"

"Heh..." Stu exhaled through a calm smile. "I'm certainly starting to love it."

"Eh, it's alright," Thunderlane said, waving a hoof. "Aside from the occasional parasprite attack, it's pretty chill."

Sharp Quill squinted. "I heard that only happened—like—once."

"I like to count the nightmares."

"Whew..." Stu Leaves glanced across the many pegasi gathered around the clearing. "I used to think I was unlucky for moving here so late, but now I'm starting to think the opposite."

"I'll tell you what," Thunderlane remarked. "You haven't lived until you've woken up at the witching hour to see an Ursa Major's snarling face right out your window."

"It was an Ursa Minor," Rainbow Dash said, strolling up.

"Hey! Rainbow Dash! How's it going?!" Stu said, grinning wide.

"And I remember it being closer to three o'clock in the morning," Rainbow Dash said, casually yawning. "I know because I was up all night preparing for a light rainshower at dawn."

"Wowsers!" Stu blinked. "I haven't seen you in ages—"

"Oh yeah. I guess it was past Midnight," Thunderlane said, rubbing his chin. "And Hi, by the way."

"Heh..." Rainbow grinned. "Are we gonna kick up a monster tornado or what?"

"Wait." Thunderlane squinted. "Did you just sign up?"

"Yup yup yup." Rainbow tilted her chin up with a smug grin. "Figured it was high time I threw my weight around here."

"Whelp..." Thunderlane sighed, wings drooped. "There goes my chances of being team captain."

"Dude... don't sweat it," Rainbow said with a wave of her feathers. "You'll get plenty of chances to show off. Especially if Blossomforth is showing up."

"Erm... she isn't," Thunderlane said, fidgeting slightly. A slight rosiness crossed his chinbones. "Although, that doesn't mean she won't be watching as part of the Ponyville civil defense team..."

"Say... Blossomforth..." Sharp Qull tapped his muzzle, squinting. "Isn't she the super flexible pony with the cute, squeaky voice?"

"Dude." Thunderlane glared, eyes hard as diamonds. "Don't even..."

"Heheheheheheh."

"Heehee..." Stu Leaves grinned through the group. "I like this! Ponyvilleans on a wing! Handling nature together! I bet it'll be fun—!"

"So are we really ripping up a whole bunch of trees?" Rainbow asked, eyebrow arched. "Seems kinda... severe, y'know?"

"Did you read the full hoofout?" Thunderlane asked. "Seems that the Nature Commission has worked with the Animal Commission to do a full study of that small section of Everfree. The soil has gone bad. Thus, the Cloudsdale team has stepped in to work out a way to uproot what's there, treat the soil, and then return it back to nature."

"Or they could just build a castle there," Sharp Quill said gruffly, coughing.

"Mmmmm no... I'm pretty sure it's going to be a nature reserve," Thunderlane droned. "For the purpose of restoring the land to the Everfree Forest."

"A castle would be cooler."

"Pffft. For who? This place was once all forest and overgrown flora. I think any attempt that can be made to restore the balance of Everfree is for the best."

Stu Leaves shrugged. "I wouldn't mind having a castle around." His wings stretched and unstretched. "Would be nice to roost somewhere that wasn't in the mountains for once."

"Hah!" Thunderlane smirked. "You still feel the need to roost. Yeesh... you two really haven't been here long."

"Hey!" Sharp Quill frowned. "Who says I like roosting?"

Rainbow glanced aside. "Really? Have you seriously avoided all of the surrounding mountains since coming here?"

"... ... ..." Sharp Quill blushed slightly. "Okay... so I may have perched on a treetop or two in the upper elevations last month..."

"Heheheheh..."

"Okay, everypony!" A gray-maned mare with bifocals exclaimed from the wooden stand erected next to Town Hall. "Gather close, and we'll be discussing flight captains for the upcoming meet! We need everyone's close attention so we can start formulating a team structure!"

"Guess the giggle times are over," Thunderlane said, strolling forward. "Rainbow, you're awesome... but I'm not sure I can even be visible sharing the same team as you."

"Heh..." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "No hard feelings, dude. See you on the other side of the hurricane."

"I wouldn't mind being on the same team as you, Rainbow Dash!" Stu said, smiling. "We've been through so much together. We'd work well at wing-side!"

"Mmmmmrmfff..." Rainbow tongued the inside of her muzzle, looking off.

Stu blinked. "You... you don't agree?"

"Hmmm?" She glanced over. "Uhhhh... sure. I mean, I guess." She shrugged. "So long as... y'know... we're all concentrated on the job we've gotta do."

"Well, you can count on me!" Stu said with a smile. "Concentration is one thing I'm getting better and better at."

"Uh huh." Rainbow Dash cracked the joints in her limbs while the ponies around them surged towards the stand. "Well, I do hope you got your exercise, buddy. Cuz tornado-summoning is no walk in the park."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure I'm a bit in over my head. Heheh..."

"Eh..." Rainbow shrugged. "It happens to the best of us."

"Which is why I've decided to do some exercise every day so I can be in better shape for weather flying!" Stu smiled. "In fact, I've begun a new morning routine—with special help from a pony who knows a thing or two about keeping in shape!"

"Who? Bulk Biceps?"

"Nope! Applejack!" Stu beamed. "She's letting me help her with the latest apple harvest! Whew! Nothing like some good, sweaty apple bucking before noon!"

"... ... ..." Rainbow blinked. "Uhmmmm..."

"Wow, she's so supportive. And you're so awesome!" Stu stifled a chuckle, trotting forward. "I swear. This town is full of great friends."

Rainbow Dash stood in place, clenching her jaw.

Sharp Quill passed by. "You... are going to be a weather captain, right?"

"Sharpy..." Rainbow exhaled with a huff. "You can bet your butt I'm gonna be a Celestia-dang weather admiral."

"... ... ...'kay."

A Loose Fit At Best

"Good afternoon, everypony!" Mayor Mare exclaimed, trotting up to the podium and taking the mic as she stood next to two well-dressed delegates from Cloudsdale. She smiled, squinting through the Ponyville sunlight, and addressed the crowd of pegasi gathered directly outside the Town Hall building. "As Mayor of Ponyville, I would very much like to thank the whole lot of you for showing up today and in such large numbers too. Ponyville wouldn't be where it is today without the gracious assistance of its pegasus population. I know that, statistically speaking, many of you moved here from Cloudsdale—which makes me especially grateful for your commitment to this upcoming joint venture between our humble little town and the floating maretropolis responsible for managing weather all across Equestria."

One of the pegasi hoofed her a clipboard. The Mayor slipped on her bifocals and carefully perused the list of names.

Meanwhile, in the crowd, Rainbow Dash, Stu Leaves, Sharp Quill, and others stood side by side with other winged ponies, waiting in patience.

"Alright..." The Mayor cleared her throat and waved the clipboard. "I've been instructed to brief the whole lot of you on the requirements for being a weather captain. Since we have over one hundred and twenty pegasi gathered, and a captain is responsible for managing approximately thirty, it looks like we're going to be needing to have four slots filled. So, without further ado, here's a brief description of what will be required for—"

"Rainbow Dash is here," squeaked a mare's voice from somewhere in the crowd.

The Mayor looked up. "Eh?"

"That's right, Mayor," another pony spoke over the huddled crowd. "Rainbow Dash has totally signed up."

Rainbow Dash blinked.

Ponies stirred in silence. There was an errant cough or two.

"... ... ..." The Mayor stared. She reached out to a pegasus. The Cloudsdalian delegate hoofed her a pen, and the Mayor drew a hash-mark across the clipboard. "Right..." She stared out at the crowd again with a smile. "We'll be going over a brief description of what's required to fill out the other three weather captain positions."

Rainbow bit her lip, glancing left and right.

"Hey! Check it!" Thunderlane trotted up to the gathered group with a grin. He brandished a brown vest with a star on it. "I made it! Totally a weather captain!"

"Buck yeah!" Sharp Quill smiled. "Are we the most awesome fliers or what?"

"Heh... it wasn't easy, lemme tell you," Thunderlane said with a wink. He nevertheless slipped into the vest. "My aptitude score was barely above the other ponies in my group who applied. And—y'know—I'll have to prove my worth when we fly north of Everfree and do our practice flights." He fitted himself into the vest and took a breath. "...how do I look?"

"Pretty suave," Stu Leaves said with a smirk. "But... eheh... of course, I'm no trendsetter."

"I'm gonna totally show this off to Blossomforth," Thunderlane said. "It's a shame she's busy looking after her family these days, or else she'd get to see me show my stuff during tornado tossing!"

"Well, I can't imagine it'll be too easy," Sharp Quill said. "So you might wanna put 'showing off' up on the shelf."

"Heh. Well said." Thunderlane winked across the way. "And of course you got the position without having to try, Rainbow Dash." He chuckled. "Was there ever any doubt?"

"Yeah..." Rainbow Dash fussed and fumbled to fit her limp forelimbs through the vest. "I swear, they make these vest thingies too friggin' big."

"You think that's their fault?" Sharp Quill said.

She looked up. "Huh?"

"Erm..." Sharp Quill glanced off, blushing slightly.

"Whelp! I'm off to go celebrate!" Thunderlane saluted and flapped his wings. "See you all tomorrow! North of Everfree!"

"Hah! We'll be there with bells on!" Sharp Quill smirked. "For now, I gotta go... uhhhh... help somepony with something." He saluted as he shuffled off. "And Rainbow? I'll see if I can get that vest altered to... y'know... not be so loose on you."

"Yeah." Rainbow nodded, still fussing with the vest. "When you see Rarity, let her know it could use some extra pockets for energy drinks."

Sharp Quill shook in place. "Who s-said I was g-going to go see Rarity?"

"... ... ..." Rainbow looked up at him. "...see you tomorrow, Sharp Quill," she exhaled through smiling teeth.

"Uhhhh... ahem..." Sharp Quill flapped his wings and soared over the crowd of gathered pegasi. "Y-yeah..."

"Grnnngh..." Rainbow flung the vest about one more time, but it dangled loosely from her grip. "Darn friggin' thing... like doing the salsa inside a windsock, I swear—" It fell completely. "Awwww crud—!"

A nimble hoof grabbed it before the article could touch the dirt. "Whew! Got it!" Stu Leaves picked the thing up. "Wow! This thing is really big for you, isn't it?"

"Meh..." Rainbow sighed aside into the afternoon light.

"With how quickly the Mayor signed you up—you'd think she'd just own a custom-made blazer for you at all times." He smirked. "Basically a souped-up version of the Winter Wrap-up Gear, huh?" He chuckled. "Speaking of which... boy, I look forward to helping around for the next one this year..."

"Don't hold your breath," Rainbow muttered in a low tone.

"Here." Stu trotted behind her. "Stand still."

"Huh?" Rainbow looked over her shoulder, blinking. "What are you—?"

"Always willing to assist a friend in need." Stu carefully wrapped the vest around her, then allowed her to step one hoof through, then the other. "There! That wasn't so bad! Now let me take a look—guhhhh..." He made a face, chuckling slightly. "Yeesh. At first I thought the others were kidding. I mean... I swear, Rainbow... you don't appear so... so small from just looking at ya."

"Mrmmmf..." Rainbow nevertheless wrapped the vest as tight as she could manage and stood with a slight pout. "Thanks a lot."

"Anytime! Heheh!"

"Stu, I hate the vest. I was being sarc—"

"Hey!" He pointed. "It's blue! Does that mean—"

"Yeah." She nodded with a sigh. "I'm in charge of Team Blue."

"Cool!" Stu grinned. "That means you'll be captaining me!"

"... ... ...how snazzy is that," Rainbow droned, her lips curving slightly.

"Whew! This is going to be an experience and a half!"

"I don't doubt it."

"I can't wait to tell AJ." Stu trotted off. "She'll be tickled pink!"

Rainbow blinked multiple times. "Uhhhhh..." She pivoted about to follow his figure. "Tell... uh... t-tell AJ?"

"Hah! Jeez, Rainbow, why so Jeff Gallopbloom?"

"Huh?"

Stu rolled his eyes. "Inside joke. Ahem." He smiled. "Yeah. AJ and I have been... y'know... hanging out. Every evening for the past week or so." He shrugged. "Right when the day ends. I fly on over and she tells me how her day's gone and I tell her about mine. We sit and chat, watching the sun set. And then I fly back to my place."

"That..." Rainbow stared past him. She breathed out her nostrils. "...sounds nice."

"It's funny." Stu dug his hoof across the dirt beneath them. "Ever since we started doing this, I feel as if... y'know..." He gulped. "...I've been improving myself a little bit, day after day, just so I can have something worth sharing with her. Not th-that she has to work any harder. Cuz the mare already has a whole bunch worth sharing. Heh... y'know AJ..."

"Uh huh..." Rainbow gulped. "Don't I..."

"Ever since Apple Bloom got healed..." Stu hesitated slightly. A calm smile hung off his muzzle. He shrugged. "I don't know. But she strikes me as so... happy. So at peace. I kinda wanna make that last as long as I can. The mare deserves it, y'know?"

"Yeah. She totally does." Rainbow stared at the opposite horizon, her eyes moist.

"Hmmmmff...." Stu cracked his neck muscles. "Whelp..." A smile. "Now that I'm on this tornado team, I'm sure I'll have lots to share on my end. Heh... goddess help me come up with something spectacular tomorrow."

"... ... ...I'll make sure that you do."

"Huh?" Stu looked over.

Rainbow squinted back. "I'm the Blue Team Captain, aren't I? I'll make sure you don't do something stupid." Her nostrils flared. "Like slam your skull into a rock or rip your wings apart. That way..." She tried to smile, but it came out grimacing. "...you can share stuff with AJ just fine."

Either he didn't see it, or he saw straight past it. "Heh... you're too awesome, Rainbow Dash."

"Yeah..."

He saluted. "I'll see you then!" A wink. "Captain, My Captain!" And in a gust of wind, he flew off.

Rainbow's vest blew apart, draping loosely from her upper body. The mare hung her head and groaned quietly, rubbing a numb hoof across her face.

Eyes on the Prize

Rainbow Dash returned home, and the first thing she did was carelessly fling the blue captain vest over the end of her dresser. As the thing draped there, she paced and paced around the room, breathing and snorting indignantly. At last, with an angry shudder, she spun and kicked the foot of her bed. "Rnnngh!"

Th-Thap!

Rainbow Dash leaned back, exhaling. She wasn't sure what bothered her the most: the fact that the gesture did little to deflate her temper, or the fact that she could scarcely feel the impact against her fetlock.

Sighing, the mare leaned back on her haunches. She stared ahead with a dull gaze, her eyes once again re-filling with the gray malaise of her abode.

Seconds passed...

Minutes...

Rainbow's wings flexed and unflexed. Slowly, she tilted her head to the side. Her eyes caught a familiar goblet—golden and sparkly and alone on the shelf.

She bit her lip. She looked into the hallway of cloud stone leading towards the kitchen. She began to fidget...

"So the little filly recovered?!" With a giggle, Epcot turned away from the conical tower she was sculpting out of dream thought. "Heehee! That's so wonderful! I simply love it when mortals get a second chance at life! Especially young mortals! That's like... like...double mortals! Heeheehee!"

"Yeah, well, it wasn't easy getting the antidote to her," Rainbow Dash muttered. She paced around a floating platform made out of crystal. Glittering seas hung above and beneath them. The sky—or a sapphire semblance of it—swirled in between the parallel oceans, filled with clouds and floating palaces. "I did a lot of stuff that the old me would never have contemplated." She gulped. "...even though it was done to a bunch of heartless melon fudges who deserved it."

"Well, your loved ones were at risk," Epcot said, humming to herself as she finished the epic structure a mile away. "And it's not like you chased them. They chased you."

"And they were keen to chase down the rest of my friends and murder them even if we all got through the whole situation alive." Rainbow shuddered. She hugged herself, silently alarmed by how much "feeling" she had in her forelimbs. "I think the worst part of it is—even with all of those factors thrown together—I'm most proud of just... getting the antidote to Apple Bloom."

"Well, that's about as ironic as it gets!" Epcot said, stifling another giggle.

Rainbow squinted at her. "What's so funny about that?"

"Just 'cuz for a pony who's so "proud" that she saved Applejack's sister, you're not taking any credit for it!"

"Yeah... well..." Rainbow Dash shuffled. "That's a tall order."

"In what way?"

"You know how I feel about Applejack."

"How can an immortal chaperone of a collective subconscious dream world not?" Epcot said with a wink.

Rainbow Dash smiled briefly. Then she went on: "I... want to be with Applejack." She gulped. "Someday. I... I-I really do. But..." Her muzzle scrunched. "How can I expect her to like me if... if she becomes aware of this huge laundry list of nifty things I've done for her?"

Epcot froze in place. All of the sudden, her body distorted—as if sliced apart by a thousand vertical lines. Then—with the sound of distant bells—she recoalesced, good-as-new.

"Whoah! Epcot!" Rainbow gaped. "You okay there, girl?"

"Erm... a thousand pardons." Epcot coughed, turning around. "Sometimes I do that when my programmed logic centers experience spontaneous collapse. Heehee..." She cleared her throat and smiled awkwardly at the pegasus. "Would you terribly mind explaining that last part to me again?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash scooted away from Epcot, her ears folded. "...I'm not sure if I want to now."

"Rainbow Dash..." Epcot trotted towards her, smiling softly. "Why wouldn't you desire Applejack to know about these good things that you've done for her? Isn't that the process by which one mortal would attempt to fall into good favor with another?"

"Well... yeah. I guess." Rainbow gulped. "If I wanted to be lame about it."

"I'm afraid I am still confused."

"Y-You're not going to disappear into fartspace or nothing, are you?!"

"Heehee. No, Rainbow Dash." Epcot shook her glittery mane. "But I am touched by your concern, nevertheless."

"Okay." Rainbow gulped. "I... I guess I want... like... what I really really want is for Applejack to like me... because of me." She bit her lip. "And... sure, I do a bunch of stuff for her. But only because I want to. I want Applejack's life to be better. 'Cuz she's awesome. You feel me?"

"Certainly."

"But... if I let her in on all the stuff I've done..." Rainbow fumbled a bit, but rambled on: "Then I'd be... like... imposing on her this... this forced appreciation, or something. Like... I don't want to obligate her. It just... wouldn't be right."

"I feel as if I've sensed enough about Applejack from her time here in Cider Space to tell that she's a mare of conviction, sincerity, and honesty—"

"Well, totally—"

"And if there was ever a conflict between her feelings for you and her obligations to feel..." Epcot nodded with a smile. "I am quite certain she would tell you whole-heartedly. If not instantly."

To that, Rainbow Dash only winced.

Epcot blinked. "That is... troublesome... to you?"

"There's one thing I didn't tell you about my adventure to grab the antidote, Epcot," Rainbow murmured. "It's that... that I..." She grimaced. After sniffling, her next words came out in a shaky tone. "I-I lost a friend." She looked off into dream-thought, her eyes watering. "And it's not like it's the first time. I've lost friends before. Some good, some bad. But this dude. He... he was in the right place and at the right time. And he never judged me... or forced me to do something that I didn't want to. Sure, he was annoying at times. He talked a bit too much. And yet... now that he's gone, I just... I-I just feel like a loser."

Epcot watched on.

Rainbow fell back on her haunches, shuddering. "And... and it's not like it was something that I did directly to make him leave. In fact..." She wiped her muzzle with a sigh. "...he told me a lot of crazy stuff... a lot of crazy stuff that would give me good reason to distrust him... even hate him. But... but I don't. Because underneath all of the lies and all of the chaos, I... I get the distinct feeling that he actually liked me. That he enjoyed my company. That he felt like a winner when he was around me. And... like... he's seriously, genuinely the author of a bunch of nasty crud... but I don't care. I miss him. I feel like I've lost something and... and..."

After a sigh, the pegasus looked up.

"Even after all the things I've done for Applejack," Rainbow spoke firmly. "All the miles I've flown and all the bruises I've suffered." She gulped. "If after all of that, I expose myself to her, and she just... rejects me... then... th-then I dunno how I could ever deal." She shook her head. "Better to have never won anything than to take the leap and... and become the biggest loser ever imaginable." She rubbed her muzzle again with a sigh. "...does that make any sense?"

Epcot's response came far quicker than the pegasus anticipated. "In some ways, I think I can grasp that. But try and grasp this, Rainbow Dash." She leaned in, resting a hoof on her shoulder. "Applejack—like you—is a mortal. But more than that, she's a soul... and a very respectable and valiant one." She slowly shook her head. "No amount of impressive stunts or heroics on your part can change a pony. If she stands to adore you or to ignore you, that is her prerogative. If that wasn't the case, then would she even be the same pony whose affections you'd wish to win from the get-go?"

Rainbow hung her head with a sigh.

Epcot continued: "Life for creatures such as you and Applejack is short... and so very precious. I hate to see it stilted because—for whatever rightful reason—you're afraid of losing something that you treasure. But loss is the most mortal of conditions, Rainbow Dash. But so is triumph." She smiled. "I know that you have it within you to approach both the stormfront of your fears as well as the advent of a new dawn. But sooner than later, you may need to tell yourself that Applejack could very well not exist within that golden frontier. And—all the same, she could. It'll be up to you to stop skirting the issue and finally approach her with your feelings, so she can reply with her own... or her lack thereof. But the most important thing is this..."

Rainbow looked up.

Epcot stared straight at her. "You need to stop thinking of Applejack as a prize," Epcot said. "After all, she means more to you than something so simple... or so two-dimensional." A smile. "If not for your sake, Rainbow Dash, then for hers. It's okay to admire somepony from afar... but they're still somepony beneath the beauty and shine. Do you understand?"

With a sigh, Rainbow Dash slowly nodded. "Even worse..." A shudder. "...I'm starting to think that Stu already understands."

Epcot blinked. "You mean Stu Leaves?"

"Nnnngh..." Rainbow Dash face-hoofed with a sigh. "...yeah..."

Black and White and Midnight All Over

The next morning, Rainbow Dash woke up...

Or at least she thought she did.

Sitting in bed, the mare fumbled for a moment—trying to figure out if she was actually conscious or not. Rainbow winced as she moved her forelimbs. She touched the fetlocks—one to another—but felt a whole lot of... nothing.

And such is how she realized that she'd been putting off something for far too long.

Hanging her head, the mare sighed. Then—with healthy, flapping wings—she carried her body over into the bathroom to wash up...

And eventually into the kitchen to gather her belongings.

Thwoooosh!

Rainbow Dash nearly collapsed upon landing in the Everfree Forest. She paused in mid-air, using her wings to reorient herself. At last, she descended, landing on her limbs and locking them. With practiced grace, she shuffled forward, approaching the front door to Zecora's hut.

At last, the mare paused, feeling the weight of her saddlebags making her teeter left and right. Using her wings to stabilize herself, the mare leaned forward and dangled a hoof limply before herself. The pony bit her lip. She pivoted her forelimb left and right... trying to figure out the appropriate way to knock on the door in front of her...

Creaaaaaak.

The door opened on its own.

Rainbow blinked, surprised. She looked up with a smile. "Hey! How's it going Zecorrrrrrrrr—Noir?"

"Do come in, Rainbow Dash," the sarosian said, standing in the shadows of the hut. He stepped aside with a fanged smile, gesturing inward with his hoof.

Rainbow Dash hovered and drifted in. Her eyes remained locked on the stallion.

"It's been quite a while, has it not?" Noir remarked. "Funny how a myriad of dramatic things can make time fly by."

"... ... ..." She blinked at him.

"Is there something amiss?"

"Yeah," she muttered. "You're smiling."

"Hmmmf..." He nodded. "Well, even all creatures under Her moon are entitled, don't you think?"

"What are you even doing here?" Rainbow asked. "I'd figured you had recovered weeks ago."

"And—indeed—my health appears to have returned," the sarosian said. "However, I do appear to have found a new calling in life. Until the Lunar Code reasserts itself and establishes a new local headquarters, I've been applying my skills to the service of others around me."

"You don't say...?"

"Yes. As a matter of fact, I've spent the last few days rearranging my schedule so that I can be of more use in the day time."

"So you're no longer nocturnal?"

"That's one way of putting it," Noir said with a nod. "It is a challenge—most certainly. But one that has helped me be of good use to my fellow ponies."

"Yuh huh..." Rainbow nodded. "And what of fellow zebras?"

"Rainbow Dash!" Zecora stuck her head out from the basement staircase. "At long last!" She marched up, carrying several jugs full of herbs and medicinal supplies. "I knew that the time would come for you to acquire more medicine and then some."

"Yeah, Zecchy. Totally." Rainbow nodded. "I mean, you have no idea. I just joined the weather team that's gonna be responsible for uprooting a bunch of dead trees from the northern edge of the forest."

"Mmmm..." Noir nodded. "I do believe I've heard of that."

"Yeah. Well, turns out I'm one of the weather captains. And though my wings are enough to seal the deal... uhhh..." Rainbow gulped. "I don't wanna be weak in any other areas. So I was hoping you could work another one of your miracles for me." She turned around and fussed with her saddlebag, struggling to open one of the satchels. "Now... I-I'm not asking for you to make a whole bunch of the stuff. Just a little pick-me-up so I can last the next day or two. Then... when I get more bits... I'll come back and pay you handsomely for—"

Cl-clank! Three whole jugs were placed on the table beside Rainbow.

"... ... ..." She blinked at the huge collection of medicine. She next gawked at Zecora. "Uhm... Zecora? Did..." She pointed. "Did you already make this stuff?"

"Hmmmmm..." Zecora chuckled. "Rainbow, don't look so dazed. I believe 'On the House' is the appropriate phrase."

"Zecora... come on..." Rainbow frowned. "I know you're a mystical zebra shaman and all, but don't sell yourself short! I've got the bits to pay for this sort of thing!" She frowned. "Don't think of me as some friggin' charity case!"

"A donation, this most definitely is not. You can consider the brew earned and bought."

"We know how keen you are to receive only things that you've earned, Miss Dash," Noir said.

"I... I don't get it," Rainbow muttered.

Noir arched an eyebrow from under his hood. "Do you not?"

"Consider it an equivalent price," Zecora said, "For acquiring the lavenders of ice."

"Heh, well, when you put it that way—" Rainbow Dash froze in place. "...!!!" She looked at the two.

Zecora and Noir stared back, smiling.

Rainbow bit her lip. "You... you figured it out, huh?"

Both nodded.

"How could we not?" Noir remarked. "Every obvious clue points to it."

"Too many facts prove to be true," Zecora said. "After all, Rainbow, you are still you."

Rainbow sighed long and hard through a crooked smile. "Well... ... ...Luna poop."

Two and Two

Rainbow Dash drank and drank and drank from the jug of medicine. Then, after a liberal swallow, she placed the canister down, exhaled, and spoke from where she stood, leaning next to a wooden table.

"Okay. To be fair... you guys know what crazy adventures I tend to go on," Rainbow Dash said. "Or—at least—half of you know." Her eyes narrowed. "...Noir."

"This is true," the sarosian said, nodding. He assisted Zecora in putting together a medicinal concoction in the center of the hut. "Which is why—when the rare flower showed up—I took into account your glaring absence and put two and two together."

"So I guess it begs the question..." Rainbow Dash fidgeted where she stood. "How come you've not told anypony else?"

"Is it your desire, Rainbow, that such revelations should transpire?" Zecora asked.

Rainbow exhaled. "I think you know me too well, Zecchy."

"We both know that you're constantly in a hurry to assist your friends without making them worry," the zebra remarked while Noir stirred the broth. "You live the life of a rainbow but pursue virtue as a shadow. It is noble to a fault that you do not wish to get caught."

Rainbow fought the urge to wince. "... ... ...but...?"

Zecora shrugged. "If you do not wish to share your meaningful action, then sharing the truth behind your back would be a gross infraction."

"Uh huh..."

"Needless to say, you have me concerned." Zecora raised an eyebrow. "A life this lonely could leave you burned."

"Look, all that matters is that Applejac—" Rainbow Dash grimaced. She cleared her throat, turning the cannister around in growingly sensitive forelimbs. "...Apple Bloom. I'm just glad that Apple Bloom is okay." She gulped. "So what if the others think it's a miracle? The Apples have their little filly back. You guys have a new sample of iced lavenders to make future antidotes with."

"Zecora might respect your secrecy, Rainbow Dash," Noir said. "But, to tell the truth, it's constantly a concern to me."

"Oh?" She took another sip of the medicine.

"Indeed." He paused in stirring to readjust his hood, protecting himself from the sunlight wafting into the hut. "Admittedly, there was a time when my faith in you... was paper-thin at best."

Zecora chuckled.

"Yowsers..." Rainbow blinked. "You don't hold back when it comes to frank assessment, do you?"

"Well, of course, you've since won my trust," Noir said. "Saving my life from an exploding building will do that."

"Oh right. That. Heh..." Rainbow raised her container with a smirk. "That was awesome."

"Hrmmfff... if you say so."

"You seriously didn't trust me before then?"

"For all I knew, you were just another creature of the night after the shards for ill-purpose."

Rainbow nearly choked on her last sip of the medicine.

"But, now I understand differently," Noir said. "You truly do desire nothing less than the protection of Equestrian assets. It's evident in the lengths you'll go to protect your friends."

"Rainbow Dash, is something amiss?" Zecora asked, looking concerned. "You suddenly bear a muzzle that only a mother would kiss."

Rainbow gulped. "It's just that... erm... there's been a development," she said. "And I think—Noir—that you deserve to hear all about it."

"Hear all about what?"

Rainbow took one last swig of the drink and slapped it down on the counter. "Follow me."

Two and Three

Swooosh! Rainbow Dash flew down to where Noir stood dead-still in the shadow of her cloud home. After a deep breath, she laid down a leg and then a large piece of a stone granite tail.

"There," she said. "The last of them. At least the ones I've collected. I figure—at this point—you of all ponies totally deserves to keep them under lock and key."

Noir stared at the shards. The edges of his hood obscured any expression the sarosian may have been bearing—grim or otherwise. "I see..."

Rainbow Dash winced slightly. "They... they aren't capable of harnessing any power right now. At least, not anymore."

"Assuming he wasn't lying to you."

Rainbow bit her lip.

Noir reached a hoof out, turning one of the shards over, examining it. "You put yourself and everypony you loved in grave... grave danger by even trusting him."

Rainbow Dash nodded. "I know."

"I actually find it quite miraculous that all of Equestria isn't in flames as we speak."

She gulped. "I-I know..."

He tilted his chin up, and Rainbow caught the barest glint of fanged teeth. "And yet... after all of the quests you undertook together... you mean to say that he left you and the shards of his own accord?"

Rainbow said, "He had some... thinking to do."

"On his lonesome?"

"Let's just say that there isn't an inch of evil overlord left in him," Rainbow droned. "If there even ever was to begin with." She brushed her bangs back, glancing up at her cloud home. "The dude was frustrated with me... and yet he couldn't bring himself to hate me."

"I'm afraid I don't understand."

"Last time I saw him, Noir, he said that he needed to go—like—on a journey to figure stuff out."

"What kind of... 'stuff?'"

Rainbow shrugged. "Mortal stuff? Pony stuff?" She gulped hard. "... ... ...loyalty and love stuff?"

"And the shards left beyond the griffon wall...?"

"They're still out there. I was too... busted up from our adventure to figure out where they were dropped," she said. "Only thing in the wasteland that could possibly use them are sentient squirrels and bone-headed dragons. I mean, I suppose they could stumble upon the stone pieces, but I'm not sure they'd know what to do with them."

"And he remains incomplete, then?" Noir remarked. "Without these shards, I mean."

"He didn't really need them, dude," Rainbow said. "Well, sure, he needed some of them. But he was a great deal... uh... more powerful than he let on. Even still..." She nodded. "He won't ever be the real him... or at least the old him that your dusty books speak of... not without the shards. It's like... like h-he purposefully wants to put his restoration on hold."

"Restoration in exchange for reformation..."

"Huh?" Rainbow blinked.

"Hmmm..." Noir gathered the shards and bundled them beneath his cloak. "Just a thought, Rainbow Dash. And quite a striking one at that."

"Would you like to share, buddy?"

"It's just that..." The stallion's jaw clenched. "...Discord has the reputation of being the most dangerous threat in all Equestrian history. Wars have been fought over him. Hundreds of thousands of pony lives have been sacrificed to subdue him. The Princesses banished him for eons inside stone. And yet... after all of that strife and torment... after so many conflicts and battles... the one thing... the one thing that finally gets him to change is a lone pegasus with a brazen penchant for self-sacrifice."

Rainbow Dash blinked.

"At first, I was... quite alarmed to hear of your revelation, Rainbow Dash," Noir said. "But now... I'm quite convinced..." His slitted eyes flickered between them. "...you may have inadvertently saved the entire future of Equestria."

"Uhm..." Rainbow fidgeted where she stood. A crooked smile. "...'yay?'"

S.S. Whatthehay

Creaaaak!

Th-Thap!

Noir closed the old oak trunk, locking away the stone shards with a golden latch.

Rainbow Dash watched from across Zecora's hut as the sarosian slid the container away into a dark closet.

"So... uh..." Rainbow Dash brushed her bangs back, squinting. "You're just gonna stuff it behind a bunch of old shaman cloaks and call it a day?"

"Hardly anything of the sort," Noir said, trotting back out and brushing off his hooves. "As soon as I bridge communication with my fellow agents once again, we'll endeavor to relocate each shards to a different part of New Saros."

"Through those fancy schmancy teleportation gates of yours, right?"

"Affirmative." Noir stood in the shadows—where he could comfortably lower his hood, exposing two leafy ears. "It would take an otherworldly amount of strength and ingenuity to somehow locate and reform all of the missing pieces."

"So... uh..." Rainbow fidgeted. "...you're not going to destroy them?"

"You've stated yourself that Discord is still out and about," Noir said. "And he possesses more than a modicum of chaotic power." The sarosian adjusted his cloak. "If it should come to pass that the dragonequus requires our intervention, then it would behoove us to possess inert pieces of his essence."

"Sorta... like having a magical antidote."

"Precisely."

Rainbow Dash slowly shook her head. "I really don't think you're going to need them." Her lips curved slightly. "I'm totally on board with him turning a new leaf'n'such."

"I would certainly hope so, Miss Dash," Noir said. "The last thing Equestria needs is more mischief from that chaotic overlord."

"And what of a reformed Lan—I mean Discord," Rainbow said. "Could the kingdom prosper from something that awesome?"

"I... I cannot even venture to guess," Noir remarked, his slitted eyes blinking. "The thought did not occur to me until what I've learned today."

Rainbow smiled. "Brave new world."

Noir nodded. "Indeed."

Zecora trotted into the room. "Well, I for one aspire to hope. This is no time to whine or mope." She hoofed out three separate wooden containers full of a bubbling liquid. "We have a healthy filly and an introspective chaotician. Let's celebrate by enjoying the ale of my homeland's tradition."

"Yeah, Zecchy. Uh... I'm sure you spent a good five minutes coming up with that one. But please, 'fess up." Rainbow raised the container along with her eyebrow. "Just what is this stuff?"

"Milk of sand cactus and garlic herb. I promise you, it tastes quite superb."

"Just... like... no living stuff went into it, r-right?" Rainbow asked.

"Oh for Tartarus' sake," Noir grumbled, lifting the container to his muzzle. "Must we preach to you over living a little, Miss Dash?"

"Hey! I live plenty!" Rainbow pouted, twirling the cup around. "Just... y'know... at an easy five hundred to one thousand words per day."

Zecora chuckled. "You are ever a mystery, Rainbow Dash. One of these days, I'll understand you at last."

"Don't bet your stripes on it." Rainbow Dash took a swig of the ale. After a slight shudder, she managed to smile. "Whew!" She winked. "Tangy!"

"It's no cider, that's for sure. But it does a body healthy and pure."

"I'll keep that in mind next time I fly past zebra town."

"But, Rainbow Dash, you have never before flo—"

"It was a joke, Zecora."

"Ah." The zebra nodded, grinning. "But of course."

"Zecora, I will need to make a hasty trip this evening," Noir explained. "In order to relocate these shards."

"I understand that completely," the zebra said, nodding. "Just make sure you get to your destination safely."

"You have my word."

"Indeed I do," Zecora said. She then smiled, leaned in, and nuzzled the sarosian. "And it's a word that's true."

"Hmmm..." Noir closes his eyes, nuzzling her back.

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash stared.

Noir took another sip of the container, exhaled, then placed the item away. "I should start gathering my things."

"Do not forget your cloak," Zecora spoke after him. "Or quite mercilessly the sun will choke!"

"Perish the thought!"

Zecora smiled, turned around, and sipped some more from her cup. She paused, staring at Rainbow Dash. Lowering the container, the zebra murmured, "Rainbow Dash, is there something the matter? You have lost all will to make chatter."

"What... uhm..." Rainbow's voice cracked. She cleared her throat and leaned in. "What was that?"

"Hmmm..." Zecora merely smiled. She balanced the empty cup on her flank as she trotted away. "What was that indeed. Quite simply, he is a remarkable steed."

"What...?" Rainbow gazed after her, blinking.

Zecora was gone.

Rainbow stood alone, surrounded by masks and bubbling cauldrons.

"Seriously... what?!" Frustrated, she buried her muzzle into the cup of ale. "Grgrgghhblblblblblblblblbrgll!"

Set Sail for Bluer Skies

Rainbow Dash flew north.

She blinked, her eyes scraping over the treetops of the Everfree Forest.

The flowy lengths of a flight captain's vest hung around her petite figure. It was still three sizes too big... maybe four. She really should have gone somewhere to have it adjusted. No doubt, Rarity would have given her a discount at the Carousel Boutique... or else made her a whole new, properly-sized vest for free... but Rainbow Dash wasn't feeling like going there anytime soon.

As Rainbow scaled the northern lengths of the Everfree Forest, her mind wandered towards the "events" of that morning. She didn't think about the serious words coming out of Noir's muzzle. She didn't think about how many sighing breaths she released when discussing the mysterious departure of Lancie. She didn't think about the last moment she laid her eyes on the granite shards as they were hidden away in Noir's trunk.

All she thought about were the smiles of contentment across Zecora's and Noir's muzzles as they nuzzled one another. It was such a sudden gesture, coming completely out of left field. And yet, despite the spontaneous nature of the act, it was far from melodramatic or outlandish. In fact, it was the very definition of subdued.

Rainbow Dash wondered if things would have presented themselves the same way if Zecora had somehow ended up with Big Macintosh just like the shaman had so desperately desired for so long. Then again, if Zecora did end up with Big Mac, then she wouldn't be sharing such tranquil time with a like-minded soul who appreciated nature, mysticism, and the preservation of innocent ponykind.

In fact, for all Rainbow Dash knew, Zecora and Noir were just... friends. Very amorous "friends," but friends nonetheless. Their respect for one another was more than understood, and if there was any intimate admiration beyond the fact—it only showed itself when it needed to. Nothing was forced.

There were times when Rainbow Dash wondered just what would happen if she and Applejack actually did become an item. Would they be rolicking in the hay 24/7? Would they be smooching out in public? Scouring the countryside for ferris wheels to cuddle on?

Or... perhaps...

She and the mare of her dreams would be just like they already were... best friends—only they'd be nuzzling a bit more. And they wouldn't have to be crazy about it. Perhaps the best thing about having a marefriend is knowing that she can hug or hold her at anytime, but she needn't do so. Because just by standing next to her... breathing the same air as her... she'd know that she'd belong to her... and the other way around.

Perhaps love was a subtle thing that Rainbow Dash could very easily stumble upon, without having to brute force it all the time.

It was such a simple idea... beautifully absent of headache and angst...

...that it brought the deepest smile to Rainbow's lips since she last set eyes on Applejack. As in really gazed at the mare—even from afar—realizing that everything would be right with the world... if only the two could be a tiny bit closer from thereon out.

And such was a thing Zecora had now. Try as she might, Rainbow Dash couldn't feel even the tiniest smidgen of jealousy. She was insanely happy for her friend—to the point of bubbling inside.

And that's when a strange thought struck Rainbow Dash like a lightning bolt. What if others could feel that way about her? About her and Applejack? If ever fate was to make itself manifest in the way she always hoped... always dreamed... ever cried herself to sleep at night over—

"Whoah there, Rainbow Dash!" Sharp Quill's voice rang through the heavens from below. "Party's over here, girl!"

"... ... ...?!" Rainbow Dash braked in mid-air. She spun around twice, blinking wildly. At the sound of chuckles, she looked straight down.

Over four dozen mares and stallions—all pegasi—were gathered along the northern edge of the Everfree Forest, standing in the flimsy shade of multiple dead trees.

"Something pulling you north?" Sharp Quill winked. "The Southern Birds don't need corralling yet!"

"Httt!" Rainbow Dash flew down in a blur. The ground shook as she landed.

A few ponies jumped back, gasping. They then broke into applause.

Rainbow blinked. "What's the big deal?"

"Just that that was quite a landing, girl! Whew!" Sharp Quill exhaled, grinning. "Usually, I'm used to seeing you put your wings into it, but those legs of yours sure do pack a punch, don't they?"

"Whatever." Rainbow Dash spun towards the nearest cluster. "Assemble the... uhm... troops?"

Sharp Quill cleared his throat. "Everypony look alive! Captain's here!"

"Right." Rianbow's voice cracked as she faced the volunteer fliers. "Who here wants to be awesome?"

Two or three hooves raised—

"Trick question. I'm the awesome one. The rest of you are gonna have to keep up. Follow my lead. Got it?"

Chuckles and nods.

"Okay. First thing's first." Rainbow Dash puffed her chest out, lingered, then exhaled: "...Where's Stu?"

"That's the first thing on our agenda?" Sharp Quill asked.

"No, for realsies." Rainbow squinted aside. "Where is the melon fudge?"

"Uhhhhhh—"

"A no-show, huh?" Rainbow smirked. "Well, that's what you get for forgetting to set your clock to kickflank time." She turned towards the group. "Well then, let's start out with some exercises and—"

"Rainbow!" Stu's voice rang from a few meters behind. "There you are! At last!"

Rainbow's muzzle hung open. She clenched her eyes shut, wings flexing and unflexing. She heard the tell-tale hooftrots of Stu coming up over the crest of a dead hill.

"How about some energy cider to get you going? Whew! Is this gonna be a fun evening or what?"

"I was about to tell you," Sharp Quill said with a smirk. "Stu Leaves arrived early this morning and set up shop with an apple stand courtesy of Sweet Apple Acres." His eyes brightened. "He was actually the first pony here! Gave us complimentary refreshments and all!"

"Uh huh!" other ponies from the flight group chimed in.

"Sweet and tangy!"

"Good stuff! I'm ready to kick some clouds!"

"Me too!"

"Woohoo!"

Rainbow Dash took a deep, long breath. "... ... ...right." She suppressed a growl. "How about we go... buck some dead trees to get the blood flowing...?"

Cyclonical

"Everyone all limbered up?" Rainbow Dash asked, trotting through the group of sweating, flexing pegasi. "We can't do calisthenics forever, y'know?"

"Mrmmff..." Sharp Quill gnashed his teeth while doing wing-ups. He produced a sweaty smile. "Hey! Why n-not?" A wheezing laugh. "I can do this forever!"

Without so much as a word, Rainbow Dash side-swiped his feathertips with her tail.

"Wh-whoah!" He flailed, his muzzle and chest plunging towards the ground. A blue fetlock reached in, holding him up by his nose. Sharp Quill went cross-eyed, then blinked up at the mare.

"We wanna stretch the wings. Not tear them off," Rainbow said. "An expert flier's wings woulda resisted what I just did. But don't worry." She lowered her fetlock, gently placing Sharp Quill belly-first against the grass. "This is just our first day. By the time we're ready to produce a tornado, I'm gonna have you guys in tip-top shape. You guys and gals will come out of this as the best weather fliers in Ponyville! Keep up the exercise, and I bet you'll even be Wonderbolt material!"

"Hey, Rainbow!" Stu panted, smiling as he continued doing wing-ups. "Wanna try shoving my feathertips? Heheh! I bet I could handle it—"

"And... pegasi who are able to answer Cloudsdale's beck and call Equestria-wide are able to earn waaaaay more bits than the average pony," Rainbow said, smirking. "And who doesn't want a little extra clink in their bit bag?"

The exhausted group muttered in general, smiling agreement.

"So... now that we've stretched our wings..." Rainbow slid into her vest. "It's time for... nnngh... an endurance run. Mrmmff..." She fussed and struggled with the annoyingly large article. "It's gonna take balance... nnngh... and intestinal fortitude to maintain... geugh... a constant flight in circular motion—darn it!" She tossed the scrap of cloth aside and stood before the group in a huff. "See the rainbow colored mane?" She pointed at her skull. "That's the sign of your captain! Look for that, not some stupid vest!"

Everypony in the group chuckled good-naturedly, nodding.

"Alright. So... let's do this." She levitated skyward. "Counter-clockwise! Got it?!" She pointed a hoof, squinting suspiciously. "Clockwise is for losers! You're not all losers, are you?"

"No, ma'am."

"I can't hear you!"

"No, ma'am!!!"

"That's more like it!" Rainbow looked aside. "Sharp Quill, you okay over there?"

"Oh... s-sure thing!" He huffed and puffed, levitating along with the rest of the group. "Just... c-catching my breath."

"Well, catch it faster. I need you flying with us or we'll never get the tornado formed. Ya feel me?"

"Oh! Kaff! Totally!"

"Right. Let's start it out real slow, okay? Get a rhythm going. Once a full circle is formed, I'll get an eye for everypony's wingspans, and then I'll assign vertical positions. Got it? Now go! Fly! After me!"

The pegasi lifted up into the air, forming a spiral as they tailed Rainbow through the air.

As Rainbow began her counter-clockwise circulation, a familiar brown shape caught up with her.

"Hey... uh... Rainbow..." Stu stammered, shaking off the sweat from his mane.

"Mrmmmf..." Rainbow exhaled out the side of her muzzle in mid-flight.

"I... uh... I-I hope I wasn't being too forward earlier when I challenged you to give my wings a slap." He smiled nervously. "Just trying to get in the spirit of things, y'know?"

"Spirit's fine," Rainbow muttered. "Just... don't overdo it. I want us pumped for sure—but the real excitement doesn't kick in until it's time to get the trees ripped out. Got it?"

"Oh! Totally!" Stu smiled. "And I don't ever wanna cramp your style."

"Hah..." Rainbow smirked bitterly, spinning in a gentle arc. "I don't think you'll have to worry about that."

"Just how much spirit should I throw into today's exercises?"

"Uhhh..."

"Ten percent? Twenty percent?"

"Fine. Whatever. Jeez."

"Fifty percent spirit it is!" Stu Leaves chimed, grinning wide. "Whew! Let's get this tornado practice party started!" Stu gazed over his shoulder with a smirk. "Come on, y'all! Let's not let Rainbow down!"

Rainbow grimaced. "Did you just say 'y'all?'"

"Eeyup."

Rainbow winced again. "And... did you just now say—"

"Can't hear ya, Rainbow!" Stu descended. "Gotta get back in formation! Waiting on your orders!"

"Nnnnngh..." Rainbow glared daggers into the spinning world around them. "...fly until you throw up all over Stu."

"Huh?" Sharp Quill wheezed from behind.

"I said follow me!"

S Tier

Hours later, as the sun was setting, the various volunteer fliers of Ponyville sat on a hilltop overlooking the northern edge of the Everfree Forest. An afternoon full of constant flight took the wind out of them, and most ponies relaxed by catching their breaths, fanning themselves, and sipping canteens of water while chatting amicably with the others in their groups.

Rainbow Dash was still flying counter-clockwise loops by the time that the Cloudsdale Commission's weather clerk strolled up, carrying a clipboard.

"Alright. I just got this team's results in for the first day's worth of practice. Uhm..." The mare squinted at her chart, then stared up at the circling pegasus. "Captain Rainbow Dash?"

"Uh huh?" She panted, still spinning circles with the greatest of ease. "Speaking."

"Where's your team leader vest?"

"Tossed it," Rainbow muttered. "Was too big on me."

The mare blinked, adjusting her glases. "Mmmm... yeah. Somehow, I'll buy that." Clearing her throat, the clerk flipped a sheet of paper and said, "Anyways, I've got your results in, based on the wingpower recordings."

At last, Rainbow braked in mid-air, panting. "Oh?"

"Bet you'd want to take a look at it." The mare slipped the sheet loose and held it out to Rainbow. "These are the recommended formations. Next meet-up is in a few days. The team can practice it in preparation for the actual tornado conjuring."

Rainbow grasped the sheet. Her eyes scanned it, and she immediately smirked at the name on the top. "Heh... looks like I'm at the base of the cyclone."

"Heh..." The clerk flitted off. "Real big surprise there, eh?"

"Hrmmm..." Rainbow looked at the other names listed in numerical order. She blinked, then glanced at the whole of her team sitting on the grassy hillside beneath her, catching their breaths. Biting her lip, she stared at the list again. "Awwwwwww Luna Poop..."

"Wow!" Stu Leaves grinned, wiping the sweat off his brow. "First tier!" He blinked at the sheet, then smirked at the other team members around him. "That'll put me right next to Wind Whistler and... and... well you, Rainbow Dash!"

"Hey, congrats, Stu!" Sharp Quill patted his shoulder. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I didn't know you had it in you!"

Stu Leaves shrugged. "I was just keeping a solid momentum, like our team captain said." He chuckled. "But... wow... didn't think it'd land me directly above the base of the tornado!"

"Hey, if you want it, have it!" Sharp Quill smirked. "I'm just fine at Third Tier. I've always considered myself something of a social flier anyways."

"Yeah well..." Rainbow paced before the team. "Don't get too relaxed, Sharpie," she said. "Even at Third Tier, I'll need every bit of your strength. Sharing the same windspace with a bunch of other ponies is no easy drift down Wind Street."

"Pfffft!" Stu giggle-snorted. "'Wind Street?' Where'd you get that from?"

The other pegasi giggled.

Rainbow sighed, glaring at the stallion. "And you, Mr. Leaves..." Her gaze drifted over. "And you, Miss Whistler... I'm gonna need the two of you to remain strong and steadfast in your circular flight, or else a pony like me won't be able to maintain the base of the tornado."

"Ma'am, yes, ma'am!" Wind Whistler saluted. "You can count on us!"

"Yeah!" Stu smirked. "Since there's only two of us!"

Wind Whistler giggled, then slapped Stu's wing. "I like my wingpony! Heeheehee! He's silly!"

"Mrmmfff... yes, well, chuckle all you want for the time being," Rainbow said. "In the next few days, when we meet up again, we're gonna take up the positions that the Commission has suggested for us. That's when the real grueling exercise begins!"

The pegasi all nodded and muttered in aggreement.

"I look forward to it!" Sharp Quill smirked. "Gruel with a capital G!"

"And make no mistake. It's still going to be a practice session," Rainbow Dash said, eyes firm. "If it turns out we can't maintain the tiers that have been assigned to us, then we'll have to change things." She cleared her throat. "Shake things up."

"Oh... I highly doubt that." Stu Leaves smirked. "If I've been assigned to Tier One, then I aim to maintain it!" He stood straight and tall with a proud tilt of his chin. "Heck, working that close to the team captain? No way I'm gonna let her down!"

Rainbow Dash was about to say something when—

"Whew-wee! Tier One? That sounds purdy darn spectacular!" A twangy voice rippled from below. "I mean... it is a good thang, right?"

Rainbow blinked.

Stu gasped. "AJ! Hah!" He turned around and glided towards the crest of the hill. "Fancy seeing you here! We just finished cyclone practice!"

"Cyclone shmyclone. Where's my darn apple cart?"

"Over there," Stu said, then cleared his throat. "Nice and empty."

"Holy hayseeds! You dun hoofed out all of the treats!"

"I did indeed!" Stu smirked. "And I hoofed out plenty of those fancy new business cards Fancy Pants made for you!"

"Well gollllly!" Applejack beamed in the setting sun. "Looks like y'all done bathed two pigeons with one bird bath today!"

"Eheheheh..." Stu Leaves fidgeted slightly. "Erm... AJ?" He leaned in, murmuring, "Ease up on the bird puns around so many pegasi..."

"Awww shucks. They all know I dun mean anythang bad by it."

"Heeheehee! You never know!"

"Hahahah..."

"... ... ... ... ..." Rainbow glared from a distance, her forelimbs folded.

"Erm..." Wind Whistler cleared her throat, leaning in. "Uhm... Team Captain? Are we... that is to say, is this all that—?"

"Dismissed," Rainbow droned.

Sixty Nine Laugh Balloons

Rainbow Dash's ears tickled with laughter. She looked over from where she perched in a dead tree along the edge of the Everfree Forest.

Stu and Applejack were just finished with packing up the last empty baskets into the apple cart. Most of the pegasi had flown away, leaving Rainbow and a few of the Cloudsdale Weather clerks lingering along the woodland fringes.

"Hah hah hah!" Applejack guffawed, waving a hoof. "Stop it! That's too much!"

Stu smirked. "Well, it's a proven fact that pegasus flight formations are always ruined by spontaneous flatulence!"

"Hahah... I simply refuse to believe that hogwash!"

"Pffft! You'd wish for hogwash instead! Believe me! Have you ever smelled a fart flying into your nose at eighty-five miles per hour?"

"Snkkkt—hahaha! Good lordy, Stu..."

"This one time, at flight camp, they let us eat baked beans for lunch. Nopony could fly straight for a solid three hours afterwards! And believe me! We tried!"

"Hahahaha... whew..."

"I think we would have been a lot better off if we weren't practicing wingponying that day. Yeesh... I got to know my flight mate's insides pretty well that afternoon. But hey... that's what you get when living in a cloud. Just one big... floating water fart."

"Snkkkt... heehee... Celestia spare us all..."

"Heh heh heh..."

Rainbow Dash's nose scrunched and unscrunched. She gazed deep into the Everfree Forest... gnashed her teeth... then flapped her wings. Fwooosh! She hovered above the wagon, suddenly sporting a smile. "Say... uhm... hey, Applejack. Do you... y'know..." She gestured at the cart. "Need help pulling that home or anything?"

"Hahahah... nah, sugarcube," Applejack said. "We got it just fine."

"Oh... erm..." Rainbow gulped. "You do, huh?"

"Besides... I ain't particularly in a hurry to get back to Sweet Apple Acres," she said as she hitched herself to the front of the cart. "It's such a nice... cool... breezy evenin'. Stu and I were fixin' to just stroll along and gab for a bit." She looked aside. "If that's okay with you."

"Oh! I've got nowhere else to be!" Stu smirked. "You know... living in Ponyville has given me a new appreciation for what it means to just... trot places and get a feel for one's surroundings."

"Alright, T.S. Hayliot. Nobody was askin' ya to get all poetic." Applejack rolled her eyes. A twitch of her ears, and she smiled up at the other pegasus. "Yer welcome to join us, if you want."

"Join... you...?"

"Yeah! I mean... shucks..." Applejack adjusted her hat with a smirk. "Feels like ages since we caught up! I've been busy... you've been busy..."

"I've been busy too!" Stu said with a grin.

"Erm..." Rainbow winced. "You haven't... both been busy, have you?"

"Huh?"

"I mean!" Thwooosh! Rainbow Dash flew down and sat in the cart, situating herself between Applejack and Stu. "Sounds awesome! Let's stroll back to town together!" The hint of a devilish smirk. "...catch up... all three of us."

An hour and a half later...

Rainbow Dash's smile was gone, replaced with a dull, drooping muzzle.

Her ears ached from Applejack and Stu chatting and laughing on either side of her as they rolled down the dirt path that skirted the edge of town.

"Hah hah hah!" Applejack grinned, looking over Rainbow Dash's head. "And so... when the rich, hoity toity businessstallion from Upper Manehattan asked me who did my mane, I was all 'You want it? I can cut it off for ya!'"

"Hahahaha!" Stu held a hoof over his chest. He smirked over Rainbow Dash's shoulder. "Yeesh, you didn't hold back when you were a kid?"

"I-I know!" Applejack wiped a tear from her eye, smirking. "Eheheh... Auntie Orange tells me that I even grabbed a carving knife and tried cuttin' my hair off for the feller."

"Whoah! You mean you don't even remember it?"

Rainbow looked aside as Applejack replied.

"Pffft! I was tinier than a pile of apple-seeds at the time! Almost everythang I remember about that trip to Manehattan was just how plum homesick I was."

Rainbow looked to the other side as Stu spoke.

"Well, no wonder you were distracted. Did you end up giving your mane to him?"

"Pfft! Of course not. But when next summer came, Granny Smith sent me to Camp Friendship instead of Manehattan. Boy, that sure did keep me occupied. And I kept my mane too!"

"Camp Friendship, huh? Did you meet anypony special there?"

"Eenope!" Applejack smiled over Rainbow Dash's head. "How about you, Stu? Ever did anything embarrassing as a colt?"

"Erm... well." Stu brushed a hoof through his mane. His eyes twinkled from the starlight above. "When I was super... super little, I might have accidentally touched the exhaust pipe of a cloud-making machine."

"Get out of town!" Applejack giggled. "Why on earth would you have done such a thing?"

"I dunno! I got second degree burns all over!" Stu chuckled dryly. "Had to wear a sock over my fetlock for a month so I wouldn't hurt myself while trotting."

"Hahahah... awwwwwwwwww..."

"Heh. It sounds cute. You ask me, it was just plain stupid."

"Yeah, well, stupid can be cute, y'know."

"Heheheh..."

"Heh heh heh..."

"Uhm..." Rainbow Dash cleared her throat, ears perking up. "This one time... I... uh... outflew another colt so fast that I sent his body slamming violently through a column of sky marble! Heheh! Heh..."

Applejack blinked.

Stu winced. "That... that sounds... erm..." He cleared his throat. "...adventurous?"

"He wore a neckbrace for half-a-year!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "That's... that's cute, right?"

"Ehhh... uhm... I suppose..." Applejack wheezed.

Stu blinked. "Was it a pink neckbrace?"

"Err..." Rainbow fidgeted where she sat on the wagon. "I don't remember."

"Huh. Well then." Applejack glanced forward—then suddenly brightened. "Oh! I just remembered something?"

"What's that, AJ?" Stu asked.

"Heheh... this one time—according to Auntie Orange—I mistook the apartment's ironing board for a bed. So I slept in it one night, with a blanket and everythang, y'know?"

"Go on..."

"Well... eheheh... reckon this next part is plum embarrasin'..."

"Honesty never hurt you before, huh?"

"Well, as a wee little filly, I always had... erm... trouble holding it in at night..."

"Oh no..."

"And... to make a long story short... when Uncle Orange went to iron his workshirt the next morning..."

"Oh goddess—snkkkt—"

"I swear! It's a miracle the whole apartment complex didn't smell it! Snkkkt—hah hah hah! Ohhhhhhhh heavens to betsy, I did so many silly little thangs. It's downright crazy I made it to adulthood in one piece."

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth—

"Say! That reminds me of this one time I had to babysit for my cousin's infant one week in Las Pegasus."

"Oh gosh. Do I wanna hear this story?"

"I dunno. Do you?"

"Trick question! Hah! Lay it on me, Stu!"

Rainbow Dash stifled a groan. She slumped until she rested her chin on two hooves. Meanwhile, Stu and Applejack continued their aching conversation directly over her skull.

"So, you see, I was in Las Pegasus for the week and my family caught wind of it. So, naturally, they asked me to look after their little one when all I expected to do was hang out at the casinos and try my luck. But then out of nowhere—"

Seventy Stars Shining

"Well, if you don't need my help in rolling things into the barn, then I guess this is where I get off." Stu hopped out of the cart. Flexing his wings, he turned around where he stood on the edge of town and smiled at Applejack and Rainbow Dash in the starlight. "Whew! Those were some stories, AJ. You gotta share 'em again sometime when I've got more of a solid head on my shoulders. They're totally worth writing down!"

"Dun y'all even dare!" Applejack said, pointing a mean hoof. "Them's too embarrassing for the likes of paper!"

Stu raised an eyebrow. "Especially the ones where little filly Applejack almost had to be papertrained in Manehattan?"

"Rrrrgh..." Applejack rolled her eyes. "I knew this was a bad idea."

Stu chuckled. "I won't share with anypony." He crossed his heart with a hoof. "Promise. I'm sure the secret's safe with Rainbow Dash too. Isn't that right, Rainbow?"

"Zzzzzzzz..." Rainbow leaned back in the cart, her muzzle wide open.

Applejack barked: "Hey! Rainbow!"

"Snkkkt—gah!" Rainbow Dash jolted in place. "Secrets?! I-I haven't any secrets!" She gulped. "To tell, that is... th-they're safe with me." She smiled awkwardly. "Eheheheh..."

"Goddess have mercy..." Applejack rolled her eyes. "See ya next time, Stu. I've got some chores with feedin' the livestock the next two days, so..."

"Right..." Stu saluted. "I know when to stay out of your hair."

Rainbow nearly bit on her own tongue.

"It's been a blast! And I'll be training extra hard, weather captain!"

"Uh huh..."

And as Stu trotted off towards his apartment, the wagon rolled along, taking a bend down the dirt road leading to Sweet Apple Acres.

"Whew... that silly stallion..." Applejack shook her head with a smirk. "Honestly dunno how he drags them tales out of me."

"Jee, I dunno, AJ..." Rainbow Dash stretched, yawning on the seat of the wagon above Applejack. "Maybe cuz you open your mouth and tell him?"

"Heh. Plain'n'simple truth. I'm usually a lot more guarded than that. But... I dunno what it is. I guess he just tickles the tongue into tap-dancin', if ya catch my drift."

"No, I don't."

"You've been awfully quiet this whole time, RD. Everythang good?"

"Well, the two of you have been awfully unquiet."

Applejack blinked. "Oh... uhm..." She fidgeted, her hooves dragging slightly in the dirt. "Shucks. I... I-I guess I just wasn't payin' attention to how much I was gabbin' like a schoolfilly.' She gulped. "Rainbow, I'm awful sorry. And here I invited you to sit along with us too."

"It's... it's..." Rainbow took a deep breath. "It's okay. I mean... erm..." She brushed the back of her head. "Is it really a sin to enjoy yourself that much?"

"Well, not if my friends ain't enjoyin' themselves too."

"Hmmmm..." Rainbow Dash sighed out of a lazy smile. "Guess you can never take the 'A-OK' out of 'AJ.'" She waved a hoof, winking slyly. "No big whoop, girl. I've hung out with the likes of Rarity and Fluttershy before. I know what it's like to be the third mare looking in."

"Oh land's sakes... do ya mean actually visitin' Aloe and Lotus' Spa? The whole nine yards?"

"One time. I tried it one time." Rainbow Dash stifled a giggle. "I sat on the sidelines, hugging my hooves, giving the twins a death glare if they came within so much as a brick-toss of my hooves! Poor Rarity and Fluttershy laid on their backs with wet hooves for two hours. They couldn't think of anything to say. I swear—you could hear a housefly gagging to death on a breadcrumb in that place. Whew!"

"Hahahah... oh gosh, that sounds mighty awkward!"

"With a capital C... for 'Coronary'."

"Hah hah hah hah..." Applejack guffawed.

Rainbow Dash reveled in it. For a brief moment, she sighed...

And then... "Whew... Rainbow?"

"Yeah, AJ?"

"Do... d-do you think I've been hangin' out with Stu a bit too much as of late?"

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash blinked. Wide. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

"Like... almost every day, we've been doin' chores together. Chattin'. Relaxin'. Like... real good friends, y'know?" Applejack cleared her throat. Her trot shuffled a bit, weaving left and right across the road in sway with her inner thoughts. "Just... I-I sometimes wonder if it comes across as real... real sudden—like. Ya reckon?"

Rainbow blinked again. She teetered left... then right. Her ears flicked. "...uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

"Eugh... will ya just listen to me? I'm puttin' ya on the gul-durn spot and for no reason! Heavens to betsy..." Applejack face-hoofed. "I never thought I'd live to say this..."

"Uhhhh... say what?"

"But... b-but I think I'm startin' to sound like Rarity."

Rainbow arched an eyebrow. "Like Rarity?"

"Cuz... y'know how she is." Applejack grumbled. The pace of the wagon picked up slightly, bumping along the road. "Ramblin' on and on all melodramatic-like about some silly stallion she fancies. Shovin' it all into other pony's faces for no darn good reason."

"Well... it's... uh..." Rainbow cleared her throat. "I guess it's just cuz she simply... fancies a stallion from time to time." She gulped, then squinted out one eye. "Y'know...?"

"I... I..." Just then, the apple cart stopped.

Silence.

"...do I know?" Applejack exhaled.

Rainbow Dash fidgeted... nearly shivering.

More silence.

"Mmmmff... tarnation..." Applejack started grinding her hooves against the dirt road again. She pulled the wagon up a steep hill. The candlelights in the windows of the Apple Family Farmhouse blinked over the grassy crest. "I've said it before... and I'll say it again. All I need from life is some good, honest, hard work." She huffed and puffed. "And to know that my friends and family are safe."

Rainbow Dash gulped. "Y'know... friends and family both come from somewhere."

"Huh?"

Rainbow winced. "Nothing, I just..." She sighed, brushing her bangs back. "Just thinking out loud."

"Well, so long as one of us is."

"Yeah... I guess..."

"Eheheheh..."

"Heh heh heh..."

More silence... this time deafening.

"Uhm... I-I think I'll fly on home now," Rainbow Dash squeaked. She flapped her wings, lifting up off the wagon. "Thanks for the lift... even if... heh... it was in the opposite direction."

"Erm... my pleasure."

"Have a good night's sleep, AJ," Rainbow said, taking off. "And wish Apple Bloom good night for me as well—"

"Rainbow..."

Rainbow's heart stopped. It anchored her body in place. She looked back, shivering slightly.

Applejack unhitched herself from the wagon. Trotting about, she turned and glanced up. Warm green eyes sparkled in the starlight. "I meant what I said earlier... even if I was too plum giddy to stick to it."

"Erm... stick to what?"

"You and me," Applejack said. A thunderous breath later: "Hangin' out like we used to. Just... dun seem proper for us not to, y'know? I mean... last thing I wanna do in life is... is turn my back on my friends." She gulped. "Ya reckon?"

Rainbow Dash stared down at her. She gulped, then put on a brave smile. "No matter what happens, Applejack, I know that I can always... always count on you being the... b-best friend ever."

Applejack opened her muzzle. Gradually, she exhaled. It was a soft breath, followed by an even softer smile. Then a nod. "Yeah... and back at ya, sugarcube."

Rainbow smiled. Her teeth showed, and she spun east before it could turn into a grimace. Rainbow rocketed her way across town, clenching her eyes tightly shut against the wind.

They stayed dry for as long as they needed to. And then Rainbow Dash reached home.

One Less Piece of the Spectrum

"It begs the question," Epcot said, touching down on a floating patch of golden landscape. "Have you been getting any sleep, Rainbow Dash?"

"Well?!" Rainbow huffed and puffed, pacing in tight circles across the nebulous environment. "I'm here, aren't I?"

"Uhhhhhhhh..." Epcot brushed a hoof across her sparkly black mane. "It's... not exactly the same." She cleared her throat. "Although there are many similarities to be drawn between a mortal's visit through Cider Space and natural REM Sleep, I do believe that it's a gross generality to compare—"

"I just... can't sit still without understanding it!"

"Understanding what, Rainbow Dash?"

"How?! Like... how how how could she get so wrapped up in a dude like Stu Leaves?"

Epcot giggle-snorted. "Is this another one of your 'Stu-is-lamest' rants? Those are always so poetic."

"No, this time it's about AJ being lame!"

"Oh..." Epcot blinked. "Wow..." She blinked again. "That's a new one." She squinted at Rainbow Dash. "You sure you're actually Rainbow Dash and not some ghostly spirit of a regal demon crystalmancer infecting her shell?"

"What?"

"What?"

"Epcot... girl... listen to me!" Rainbow slid towards her, grimacing. "Applejack just... just isn't herself!"

"Uh huh..."

Rainbow resumed pacing. "She's not only spending all of her friggin' time with Stu! But she's talking about him nonstop! Basically parading him around like a trophy in other ponies' faces! In my faces! Er, I mean face! Tartarus, she even confessed to it! Just an hour ago!"

"You drank your way into Cider Space right after seeing her?" Epcot gasped, then pouted. "I knew you were missing out on sleep!"

"Epcot... please. I'm being serious with ya." Rainbow's face grew long. "I... I think she might be sick or something!"

"Sick, you say?" Epcot tapped her fuzzy gray muzzle. "Hmmmm..."

"She's... she's just so... weird and absent minded and... and short-sighted. Applejack's never short-sighted! She's an athlete! A champion! A long-endurance racer! Rrrrrgh... she keeps her eyes on the finish line and doesn't know when to quit!"

"Something I've observed about mortals—that differentiates them from my alicorn progenitors—is that they are extremely bound by the senses," Epcot said. "And, in truth, I find it rather endearing, because they have so few years to enjoy such senses. In fact... when the senses shift and change, the fluctuation might be so dynamic that a mortal simply can't help but... be overwhelmed by them."

"Are you saying that Applejack is stupid?"

Epcot giggled... then giggled harder.

Rainbow frowned. She plopped down on her haunches and glared at the chaperone.

Epcot wiped her muzzle dry. "Oh... oh Rainbow, I'm so sorry." She snorted through another chuckle. "I don't mean to imply that at all."

"Good." Rainbow grunted. "So long as we're on the same page—"

"I mean to say that Applejack is in love."

Rainbow froze in place.

"And... even the most faithful, strong, and dependable of ponies can... mmm... falter a bit when confronted with such amorous emotions." Epcot cleared her throat. "Mortals most especially."

Rainbow bit her lip.

"But not forever. I assure you." Epcot rested a hoof on the pegasus' shoulder. "Just give Applejack time. Whether or not there's any true... opportunity here with Stu, I do believe Applejack is just... having to adjust course, so to speak. She'll be back to the mare you know."

"But..." Rainbow Dash winced. "I-I can't buy that for a minute."

"I'm not asking you to."

"How can a pony screw up that much over some... supposed infatuation? I mean, even if Stu Leaves was it... which he can't be... frickin'..." She shook her head. "To mess up and almost ignore your own best friend while going out wagon riding? To turn her into a third wheel for over an hour? I mean... that's a lot to swallow, Epcot! Pffft... silly Epcot..."

Epcot's eyes darted about... then found their way back to Rainbow Dash. "Almost as hard to believe as a loyal... awesome... courageous mare scarcely seeing any of her friends for months on end?"

Rainbow Dash instantly paled.

"Isolating herself? Hiding herself away? Because the mortal life she has is somehow all that much colder when lived within the absence of the one love she desires most of all, but can't seem to afford?"

Rainbow's ears drooped as her muzzle hung lower and lower.

Epcot finished, "And so she becomes a ghost, a phantom to the friends she's always been loyal to, because she can't seem to express the most concentrated feelings of loyalty to a singular member..."

Rainbow Dash clenched her eyes shut.

Epcot cleared her throat, smiling gently. "Mortals can be silly too, Rainbow Dash. They can be the silliest ones of all."

Rainbow bit her lip. At last, with a squeaking tone, she spoke: "I... I'm not at all bummed out that Applejack is in love, Epcot. I... I'm happy for her..."

Epcot leaned in. "But...?"

"I just... j-just hoped that the first time I got to see it happen to her..." She looked up, eyes moist. "...it was because she was in love with me."

Epcot leaned in. With soft limbs and an even softer mane, she held Rainbow Dash tight and nuzzled her. In a warm voice, she purred past Rainbow's ear: "You still can let her see, Rainbow..."

"I... I-I have to be visible first, Epcot." Rainbow sniffled. She gazed off into dream space with wet, twitching eyes. "And... for the first time in ages... you've m-made me realize..." She gulped. "I've been invisible to everypony for too long."

"Applejack appears to see you."

"That's... that's not enough." Rainbow bit her lip. "Before I can be anything with her... anything with myself..." She gulped. "I... I gotta start being a friend again..."

Lovely to See You Again My Friend

Knock knock knock.

Silence.

With a creak, the door to the rustic cottage creaked open. Fluttershy peered out, blinking. Almost instantly, her eyes lit up and she gasped with joy. "Rainbow Dash!"

Rainbow stood at the entrance, smiling gently. "Hey, Flutters. What's up?"

"Ohhhh...!" Fluttershy leaned out of the door, hugging Rainbow's petite body tight. "Giggles and cheer! Heeeee!" She nuzzled the mare and leaned back, eyes sparkling. "How have you been?!"

"Eh... you know..." Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Same old, same old." She gulped. "You... uh... seem very happy to see me."

"Every time I get a chance to these days feels special and precious!"

"Yeesh..." Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head. "Is it really that bad?"

"Hehehehe. Oh Rainbow Dash." Fluttershy waved a hoof. "Don't think of it like that." She turned tail and trotted back into the cottage. "Won't you come on in?"

"Big Mac isn't hiding under the sofa, is he?"

"Oh please..."

Rainbow trotted in, smirking. "Eh, who am I kidding. Knowing that big lug, I bet he is the sofa."

"Heehee."

"Or better yet, your sofa."

Fluttershy gave a coy wink. "Try another piece of furniture."

"Whoah." Rinbow Dash blinked. Hard. "Did that just come out of you?"

"Mmmmm-maybe." Fluttershy flew back with a tray of tea and cups. "I guess you could say I'm a bit less... bashful about humor these days."

"You don't say?"

"In fact, the other day when I was with the other girls... and Pinkie Pie p-passed gas." Fluttershy looked left... looked right... then leaned in towards Rainbow Dash. "I almost mentioned it out loud!" she whispered.

"Wow..." Rainbow smirked, sitting down on a chair across from the tea table. "Next thing we know, you'll be making dead foal jokes while gargling vodka."

"Huh?"

Rainbow waved a hoof. "Eh... never mind, Fluttershy. So long as you're still you."

"Well, I would most certainly hope so!" She sat down, stifled a giggle, and poured some tea. "Would you like some?"

"Sure. Why not?" Rainbow shrugged. "Yobo."

"Huh? Yobo?"

"'You only brew once?'"

"Uhhhh..."

"Seriously?" Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "Big Mac isn't cultured at all?"

Fluttershy rolled her eyes with a smile. "Enough about Big Mac. I get healthy doses of him every day."

"Yeah, I bet."

"What about you, Rainbow Dash?" Fluttershy poured her a cup and placed the dispenser down. "How has your life been?" She raised her own cup to her dainty lips and sipped. "You used to tell me every little thing that was on your mind. I miss that."

"Yeah..." Rainbow squirmed slightly. She cupped the teacup and saucer awkwardly in two hooves. The medicine was still doing its trick, thank Celestia. "I miss it too."

"I... I don't think I've ever properly thanked you in the past for it," Fluttershy said.

"Mmmmff...?" Rainbow hummed inquisitvely in mid-sip. She lowered the cup, exhaled, and glanced crookedly at the mare. "Thanked me for what? Being the mental and emotional doormat for all of my stupid little problems?"

"They were far from stupid, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy said. "They were important to you, and they were important to me as well. Because we're friends." She took another sip and added, "And please don't think of me as a doormat. I never did."

"Er... sorry..." Rainbow winced. "I was... j-just using a figure of expression."

"And I get it. Just... I do not ever wish to think of our wonderful history in such a manner," she said, smiling. "You've always been so sweet and sensitive and loving underneath your gruff exterior. For the longest time, only I knew about it. It's... it's made me feel special, Rainbow Dash. To be there for you. I think that strength and sense of purpose has helped prepare me for... well... having a very similar pony in my life right now."

"You think Big Mac is 'petite?'"

"Heeheehee!" Fluttershy shook her head. "No no no..." Her eyes rolled back. "Nooooo." She smiled at Rainbow again. "Only that he too has such amazing depth and intricate personality beneath the surface. It's very... precious."

"But he's a stallion." Rainbow muttered. "So... he's obviously the clear winner."

"Oh Rainbow..."

"Heh..." Rainbow smirked. "It's okay, Fluttershy. I'm only fooling." She waved a hoof. "I couldn't crush on you nowadays even if I tried."

"Oh... uhm..." Fluttershy smiled awkwardly. "That is good... to know?"

"It's good to say," Rainbow exhaled. "And it's good to be." She placed the teacup down and rested back in her seat, hugging herself slightly. "I feel like I haven't been doing much of either lately."

"Well, Rainbow Dash, you have your own reservations. I understand that."

"Yeah, but they're stupid. I'm stupid."

"Rainbow—"

"Uh uh..." Rainbow shook her head and held a hoof out. "I didn't come here to play the 'woe is me' game. That's just not awesome."

"Well then, Rainbow." Fluttershy cocked her head aside. "What does bring you by my cottage on such a lovely day?"

"I wanted to ask a question, since you and I go so far back together."

"Oh! Anything, Rainbow Dash!" She placed her cup down and then leaned forward, eyes bright and earnest. "Anything at all!"

Rainbow bit her lip. She then looked at Fluttershy dead-on. "Do you have any advice on..." A gulp. "...being a better friend?"

The Gamut

"Uhhhhhh..." Twilight Sparkle turned around, blinking. "Say what?"

"You heard me," Rainbow Dash muttered. She paced back and forth across the air of the library, flapping her wings. "What does it take for me to be a better friend?"

"Since when were you a less-than-average friend, Rainbow?"

"Twilight..." Rainbow sighed, then smiled weakly. "That's flattering and all, but let's be real here."

"I'd say this is as real as real gets," Twilight said. "Unless of course we were dreaming. But if that was the case... heheh..." She pointed at a book lying open right in front of her. "How could I read the text on these pages here?"

"Would a real friend be a perfect stranger to her companions?"

"Hmmmm..."

"Like... all the time?"

"I wouldn't call you a perfect stranger," Twilight said. "After all, you're a busy mare these days. And you still show up... especially when you have stuff to contribute." A giggle. "Like a loyal mare would."

"Would you give me an example?"

"Trixie will!" Trixie trotted through the library, levitating a stack of books. "Rainbow helped Trixie trot straight in a brand new life!"

Rainbow face-hoofed. "Look, besides that—"

"What can be more friendly than saving Trixie?"

Rainbow growled, "It's not all about doing epic stuff!" She gulped. "What about the little stuff?"

"Ooh! You mean like jellybeans?" Pinkie Pie cooed from where she shoved a sheet of pies into Sugarcube Corner's oven. "'Cuz that stuff is little! And oh so scrumptious! Mmmm-mmm!" She glanced across the kitchen, smiling wide. "Sorta like you, Dashie!"

"Uhm... ew?" Rainbow made a face.

"Heeheehee... silly pegasus." Pinkie hopped across the kitchen to where more baking supplies rested. "It was a figure of speech!"

"And... uh... yeah!" Rainbow pointed. "That's exactly it! If I was around more, then I wouldn't have reacted so... lamely to a figure of speech!" She gulped. "Don't you get it, Pinkie? I'm getting rusty. I'm a stick in the mud."

"Would that be a cinnamon stick?"

"Uhh..."

"And chocolate mud?"

"Pinkie, I'm being serious here!"

She giggle-snorted. "Of course you are! You're like Maudie!"

"... ... ...I'm like your sister?"

"Yeah! She and I have barely seen each other over the last six months, but I still know she loves me like supersnugglycuddlybumpshard! She writes me things and we've hugged once or twice when we've crossed paths!"

"What's your point?"

"Duhhhhhh!" Pinkie rolled her eyes. "You don't have to be around all the time to prove how awesome you are!" She hopped back to the oven. "After all, you were almost a complete no-show at the Apple Family Farm when Apple Bloom was close to biting the proverbial caramel apple of doom—and yet you were there for what was important!"

"Erm..."

"Fetching Noir and Zecora to stop the poison from killing her, of course!" Pinkie turned to wink. "See? That is the Dashie that I know! Being there at the right time!"

"Yeah, b-but..." Rainbow gulped. "What about being there all the time?"

"Well, Rainbow, let's be honest here," Rarity said, sewing the hem of a ballgown in the corner of the Boutique. "Time is a very precious resource. We all do what we can to get by. Why should you be any exception?"

"I... could be using my time wiser," Rainbow Dash murmured from where she sat pensively on a stool.

"So could we all. But Rainbow, I understand that you've been a busy mare as of late, desperate to earn your bits. Believe me... I can relate."

Rainbow looked up, blinking. "Huh?"

"You think that being something of a stranger equates to being a bad friend?" Rarity slowly shook her head. "If that's the case, then I suppose you can count me as the absolute worst."

"Rarity..." Rainbow pouted. "How could you friggin' say that?"

"Quite easily, darling," Rarity said, calmly adjusting her bifocals as she worked harder on the gown. "You and I both know how overloaded I can get with my work. Sometimes... I barely even see daylight—much less a familiar face for a stretch!"

"You've been hanging out with the other girls all these past few months!"

"Mmmmm—true. But only as much as I can afford to."

"You were even there the whole time with Applejack and—"

Rarity lowered her bifocals and glanced over. "Is that what this is all about?"

"Uhhhh..."

"Rainbow, please, do kindly forgive me if I came across as too judgmental the other day." Rarity sighed through a tired smile. "I've had some time to think about it, and I do believe I've come to a rather simple conclusion."

"Which is?"

"Why, you're simply an introvert, darling."

Rainbow nearly reeled from that. "I'm... what?"

"You heard me." Rarity slipped her glasses on and resumed tailoring. "I mean, I had you penned differently at first. But that's only because you had built yourself up... a certain degree of epic notoriety across town. Everyone always praised you and your awesome flying skills. But I could only judge the book by its cover for the longest time. After all, we didn't truly hang out until Twilight came to town and united us all under such a splendid harmonic banner. And when it comes to adventures and saving ponies from certain doom—you're the best there ever could be, Rainbow Dash!"

"But... but Rarity..." Rainbow Dash gulped. "I'm supposed to be loyalty."

"And since when has loyalty had to be executed completely and utterly socially?"

Rainbow bit her lip.

"Is it not clear to you, Rainbow Dash?" Rarity asked. "For it's quite clear to me. And... and I've come to accept it." She looked at her. "You have something of a shell built around yourself. I have one too. It's how I protect the integrity of my work. I am an artist, after all. And you? You're an athlete. You have your own priorities as well. But when it comes to protecting your friends—to saving them... my oh my if you aren't the very definition of punctual and spectacular."

"I... I don't want to just save my friends, Rares," Rainbow murmured. She gulped. "I want to be with them too."

"Well... heehee... I think you're making a good first step today."

"What, in asking you a bunch of silly questions?"

"They're far from silly, darling." Rarity winked. "They're endearing... because they show that you're sincere in words as much as in action."

Round Robin

"And that's when Rarity basically just told me to my face that I'm an introvert!" Rainbow sputtered, pacing across the foyer to Fluttershy's cottage. "I mean, I dig the mare and all... but can you believe that? An introvert?"

"Uhhhhhhhmmm..." Fluttershy squirmed where she sat.

Rainbow spun to face her, blinking. "Are you for reals? You agree with that?"

"You've... always have been very... very selective when it came to choosing friends, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy said.

"I had you as a friend throughout most of my foalhood, didn't I?"

"Well—"

"And we hung out tons! Tons, Fluttershy!"

"Mmmm... indeed." Fluttershy nodded. "And who else did we hang out with?"

Rainbow Dash opened her muzzle... but had nothing to say.

"Did you even show up when I was with my other friends at the time?"

Rainbow Dash winced. "You... you had other friends...?"

"Why, yes, Rainbow," Fluttershy said. "From my neighboring cloud, remember? Wing Singer? Comet Glide? Aerial?"

"But... but..." Rainbow gulped. "You were so... so shy at the time."

"Well, yes." Fluttershy nodded. "But I didn't have to talk much to hang out with them. They knew I was very nervous... fearful, even, and yet they allowed me to follow them around as they played games among the clouds. Of course, whenever they flapped their wings, I stayed behind at home. But still..." A dreamy sigh. "It was like... nice practice for when the day would come that I'd really be social. I knew that I wanted to have friends, but I just didn't know how to go about doing it... or talking to them for that matter." She giggled. "And as nice as my neighbors were, none of them ever defended me from a bunch of bullies."

"Fluttershy..."

"Or hugged me close and promised to protect me forever..." Fluttershy's eyes twinkled. "With loyalty and love—"

"Have I really... really been a loner all this time?" She gulped. "I mean... in Ponyville—heck—even back in Cloudsdale I was showing off all the time! Shouting and grabbing ponies' attention like I was using a megaphone to show off my awesomeness!"

"Rainbow Dash, you can enjoy drawing a crowd and still feel uncomfortable around company."

Rainbow Dash blinked at that.

"You had lots of ponies who admired you... who wanted to be you, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy said. "But you only ever hung out with one pony." She blushed slightly. "Even at the time, I thought it was precious. You reserved your sincerest feelings and loyalties for one soul and one soul alone. It felt like being a friend to me took work, and I cherished you for it. That's why... that's why I hated myself so terribly for... for rejecting you." She gulped. "But I also knew th-that leading you on would only break your fragile... fragile heart..."

Rainbow shuddered. "You didn't need any help in doing that..."

"Well, looking back at that, I now realize what you mean," Fluttershy said. "Once you stopped hanging out with me, you immediately started hanging out with Listing. And after you cut yourself off from Listing, you spent almost all of your time with Gilda."

"Just moving from one 'happy' place to another," Rainbow muttered.

"But you did change, Rainobw," Fluttershy said. "You found company in... you know... your other friends. The ones from the music club you frequented?" She smiled. "Lyra Heartstrings... Bon Bon... Vinyl Scratch and Caramel—"

"Drinking buddies."

"Huh?"

"Drinking buddies, Fluttershy," Rainbow grunted. "Let's face it. That's all they are." A sigh. She stared forlornly at the floor. "That's all they've ever been."

"But they still filled a special niche in your heart."

"Only through means of convenience." Rainbow Dash rubbed her forehead. "Nnngh... even today... I only show up to hound them over... one stupid issue or another."

"And if they weren't happy to oblige with your troubles, then I'm certain they would say something."

"Rarity was right, I do like being alone a lot."

"Oh Rainbow Dash..." Fluttershy shook her head with a tender gaze. "That's not what she meant at all. I'm sure of it."

"But it's the truth, isn't it?" Rainbow frowned. "All I ever do in life is fly circles on my lonesome, trying to do stuff the hard way... my way." She gulped. "As if I'm challenging myself to endure longer and longer bouts of emptiness."

"You're here right now, aren't you?" Fluttershy said. "In my cottage? Talking to me? Asking for advice?" A wink. "If you ask me, I'd say you're trying to challenge yourself in another direction altogether."

"Yeah well, what's too little too late, huh?" Rainbow blinked. "You said it yourself. I like hopping from one friend to another. And that's using the word 'friend' lightly." She winced. "What if... what if all this time..." She clenched her eyes shut, sighing. "...Applejack has only been the next Gilda or Listing?"

"That's not even close to being true, Rainbow..."

"Yeah, and I can tell you why, Fluttershy." Her eyes reopened, soft and moist. "It's because I haven't bothered to break the mold and be open to her." A sniffle. "With all of my feelings exposed."

"Well, you've been burned before. Especially by Listing—"

"A lot of time has passed since then, Fluttershy."

"Well, we've broached this situation before, Rainbow Dash." Fluttershy narrowed. "And I thought you had taken the big step that you needed to."

Rainbow hung her head, shuffling slightly.

"Unless... unless now you're here to... resolve yourself to being Applejack's friend."

Rainbow Dash gulped. "Shouldn't I?"

"Is that what your heart desires, Rainbow?"

"Of course my heart desires more, Fluttershy." Rainbow looked up. "But that's not the point. I need to be better than that to Applejack... to all of my friends." She leaned forward. "I gotta start treating Applejack like she treats me."

"With love and respect?"

"With a different kind of love and respect. Then I can have the groundwork to... to..." Rainbow Dash bit her lip. "...to not go friggin' crazy if or when I gotta make the jump again." She shook her head. "I almost lost you once, Fluttershy. I... I-I don't want to lose you again." A sigh. "Or Applejack... or the others."

Fluttershy nodded. "I think I understand now, Rainbow Dash." A smile. "And I think I have an idea that can help us get on the right track."

"Huh...? What's that?"

Season 1.5

Pinkie's eyes flashed wide. "A picnic?!?"

"Mmmhmm." Fluttershy nodded, smiling pleasantly from across the table at Sugarcube Corner. She glanced over at Rainbow sitting at her side. "We've all been so busy lately. What, with Twilight and her experiments with the Trottingham Commission. Rarity with her dresses. Rainbow with her deliveries."

"Fluttershy with her Big Mac," Rarity added, eyelashes fluttering.

The girls giggled.

Fluttershy rolled her eyes. "Yes... well... ahem... I think it's high time we all hung out to catch up with one another. And I don't mean a simple meal at Sugarcube Corner—"

"What do you mean, 'simple?!'" Pinkie Pie balked. "We've got confetti cake being served tonight!"

"Pinkie... Pinkie..." Twilight smiled while waving a hoof for dismissal. "I think she means something that's a bit more time-consuming."

"Which is why I propose we all take a hike up into the hills," Fluttershy said, pointing nebulously eastward. "To Winsome Falls."

The entire table ooh'd and ahhh'd in approval.

"Oh, that sounds glorious!" Rarity exclaimed. "I've always wanted to enjoy Winsome Falls in its natural tranquility!"

"Ya do know that means havin' to hoof it through a bunch of woods and forest trails, eh, Rarity?" Applejack said, eyebrows wagging.

"Erm... yes... well..." Rarity fluffed her mane. "I suppose some degree of sweating would be inevitable." She cleared her throat, jaws clench. "So be it! If Fluttershy can make a sacrifice, then so can I!"

"Huh?" Fluttershy blinked. "What do you mean 'sacrifice?'"

"Well, darling, to get to Wisnome Falls one would have to navigate thick forests populated with all manner of dangerous wildlife." Rarity waved a hoof. "Also, it's situated in a lower mountain, and I do know how much you dislike heights."

"Oh... uhm..." Fluttershy smiled nervously. "It won't bother me! H-honest!" She gulped. "Besides, it would be worth it, I think." She gazed across the table again. "It's... not as if we've been drifting apart or anything..."

Rainbow Dash squirmed where she sat.

"...but I feel as if it's been a good long time since we all did anything together as a concentrated group."

"Well, we ain't been hounded by no friendship problem or infestations in... in..." Applejack blinked. "Celestia almighty..." She adjusted her hat, leaning back in her seat. "Just how long has it been since we've had to deal with parasprites or diamond dogs or hydras anyway?"

Pinkie Pie giggle-snorted. "Don't you get it, silly? We're out of season!"

"Uhhhhhhhh..."

"Pardon me for interrupting," Rarity raised a hoof. "But wouldn't such a trip to Winsome Falls entail much more than a... picnic?"

"Well... yes." Fluttershy nodded. "I suppose it would."

"So, it's a camping trip, then?" Rarity smiled. "Well, I can certainly get behind that." She grinned pleasantly. "I can pack all of my finest things!"

"Oh brother..." Applejack rolled her eyes. "This'll be a trip in a half."

"But... it'll be worth it," Rainbow Dash finally said. She gulped. "Right?"

"Well, darn tootin'!" Applejack nodded. "I'd lurve nothin' more than to hang out with ya gals again!"

Rainbow smiled, the tips of her wings fluttering.

"And I think it's absolutely fantastic, Fluttershy," Twilight said. "What brought this idea up?"

"Uhmmm..." Fluttershy looked at Rainbow Dash. Rainbow's ears folded back. "It just came to me," Fluttershy said with a smile. "Call it a hunch."

"Well, it's the hunchiest hunch that ever did hunch!" Pinkie chirped. "I'm gonna get started right away on making some super crunchy trail mix—!"

"Erm... one moment, dearest," Rarity said, then turned towards the others. "I don't want to break the spirit of Fluttershy's noble suggestion, but if we're to do this, then we must schedule an appopriate time when I can set aside my clients' requests and become available."

"Reckon I gotta double-down on the apple buckin' so I'll have time to spare too," Applejack said. She looked across the table. "Bet you'll have to get the green light from yer supervisors at yer delivery job."

"Errr..." Rainbow gulped. "That shouldn't be too hard." She looked across the table. "I should also have plenty of time to spare between tornado-flying practice."

"Oh yeah!" Pinkie blinked. "You're gonna tear the Everfree Forest to shreds, right?"

"Well... no, Pinkie. Just... uh... part of it."

"Coolie crispies! Can we come watch!"

"It's too dangerous, Pinkie." Rainbow rolled her eyes and smirked. "But I'm sure somepony will be taking pictures."

"Uhm..." Twilight hunched over, looking guilty. "Slight problem..."

"Oh no..." Fluttershy looked sad. "Is your schedule completely full?"

"Well, not really. I'm actually quite ahead on the Trottingham experiments. It's just that... Princess Celestia has me working on a very important daily friendship report, and that means I can't exactly leave my apprentice alone. Even for a day."

"Well, shucks, Twilight!" Applejack kicked back with a lazy grin. "We ain't gonna have a problem with you bringin' Spike along! We miss the little feller too!"

"Eheh... that's nice to know, AJ." Twilight cleared her throat. "But I was actually referring to Trixie."

Applejack blinked. "Oh."

"But... b-but don't worry!" Twilight remarked, eyes bright. "She's... she's not nearly as obnoxious as she used to be!"

"Hmmmmm..." Pinkie rubbed her chin with a suspicious frown. "And just what scale are we using here?"

"She's improved her manners incredibly," Twilight said. "Trust me! I... uh..." She smiled at her folded hooves. "I've been reporting on my progress with her over the past two months."

"'Progress?'" Rarity remarked.

"That's right." Twilight nodded. "Celestia's very interested to hear about how Trixie is doing ever since Rainbow Dash was kind enough to bring her here. And—believe me—she's making the best out of her second chance!"

"Well, I'd say there's some truth in that," Applejack said. "She did helped Apple Bloom get better, didn't she?"

"That's right!" Fluttershy nodded. "I think we can give her the benefit of a doubt."

"If Fluttershy thinks so, then I'm on board," Rarity said.

"Heehee... yeah! Let Trixie on board the friendship train!" Pinkie said.

"Oh, thank you, girls," Twilight said with a jittery breath. "I'll make sure that she doesn't make the excursion uncomfortable. I-I won't let you down!"

"Then I guess the next step is to compare schedules and choose a solid date," Rarity said.

"Sure thang!" Applejack nodded. "I'll get right on that!" She looked over at Fluttershy. "Land's sakes, Fluttershy! Who knew that someday you would be makin' the bold social suggestions?"

"Yes... well..." Fluttershy winked aside at Rainbow Dash. "I had some inspiration."

Rainbow smiled back, her blue cheeks slightly rosy.

Talking Pegasus Syndrome

"Well, that went well, don't you think?" Fluttershy said, flying away from Sugarcube Corner under a warm sunset. "Everypony was perfectly on board."

"Yeah... heheh..." Rainbow's hooves wriggled left and right as she glided slow, lazy circles around her friend. "Not sure why I ever doubted."

"They're our friends, Rainbow Dash," Fluttrshy remarked, smiling. "What's there to doubt?"

"Just... wasn't sure if everyone would be enthusiastic about it or not." Rainbow shrugged in mid-air. She squinted against the blowing winds. "Am I that out of touch, Flutters? That I've forgotten how much we all like... to have fun?"

"If your life's turned more serious, Rainbow, that's nothing to be ashamed of," Fluttershy said. "But you can still relax with us. You can count on us for that."

"Yeah. Guess I can." Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. "Wow... how snazzy. A weekend of camping with my best buds... plus Trixie." A cheekish laugh. "Heheh."

"Well, it could be a weekend. Or it could be the middle of a week." Fluttershy shrugged. "One way or another, we'll get to hang out together like real friends..." A slight fidget. "...plus Trixie."

"Ah jeez..." Rainbow grimaced suddenly. "What if it can't work for some reason?" She gulped, looking over at Fluttershy. "What if none of us c-can clear our schedule for it in time?"

"Then we'll work out another thing for us to do together at a later date."

"But... but what if it's too late even for that?"

"Rainbow Dash..." Fluttershy leaned over, nuzzling her friend in mid-flight. "It's okay. It's not like anyone's friendship is going to run dry if we can't make a get-together work sooner." She smiled gently. "Honestly. Heehee... when did you get so anxious?"

Rainbow Dash shuddered. She gazed down at the darkening treetops while brushing her bangs back. "I guess I've been... flying the skies by myself for too long. More or less." She gulped. "I miss being around you guys... being around other ponies. Showing off." Her nostrils flared. "I'm at my best when I'm showing off."

"I think you're at your best all the time, Rainbow," Fluttershy said. "Maybe you just feel more confident when showing off."

Rainbow blinked. She looked aside, eyes narrow.

Fluttershy raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"When... like... did we switch sides?"

"I'm afraid I don't understand."

Rainbow sighed, then smiled into the dimming west horizon. "Neither do I. And you know what? It's not so bad."

"You've been by my side in times when I needed somepony the most, Rainbow," Fluttershy said. "Perhaps it was a long time ago. Maybe we were just fillies then." She shook her head. "But it doesn't matter to me. I owe you more than you can imagine. More than you know."

"Fluttershy..." Rainbow sighed. "Your life is looking up 'cuz of Big Mac, not 'cuz of—"

"I wouldn't have gotten here if it weren't for you, Rainbow," Fluttershy said. "And I'm thankful." Her eyes glistened in the last sliver of daylight. "Please... let me help you in return. Especially when I really... really wish to."

Rainbow bit her lip. Her head hung slightly. "...you... you really think I'll get to catch up with her as well?"

"Oh Rainbow, I know it," Fluttershy said. "Is that so hard to believe? After all, Applejack admires you."

Rainbow Dash did a double-take. She flashed Rainbow a gaping expression. "She... she does?"

"She's no longer biting your head off or grabbing you by your tail anymore, is she?"

Rainbow blinked, then rolled her eyes. "Pffft... Fluttershy. Tolerance is not the same as admiration."

"Still, you have to admit, the two of you were constantly at each other's necks for a while there. And... uhm..." A slight blush, accompanied by an amused smile. "...n-not in the good way."

"What can I say?" Rainbow Dash shrugged. "She's strong. I'm... strong-ish. We both hate to lose. So... we butted heads." A slight grimace. "I'm... not too proud of it."

"Why not?"

Rainbow blinked at her. "You smoking something?"

"I mean... sure, it may have been a bit awkward at first, uncomfortable, even. But... what better a way did you and Applejack have of measuring each other than doing so full-force? Without shame or regrets?"

"Heh..." Rainbow rubbed the back of her neck. "Things did get a bit heated there for a while, didn't they?"

"And at the Running of the Leaves—"

"Please. Please." Rainbow face-hoofed, sighing. "...don't bring that up."

"Still, you did learn fast. But even before that..." Fluttershy leaned her head to the side. "Did you think that the two of you would ever get along?"

"I... guess it was a b-bit of a stretch."

"And yet you made up. You became friends. The impossible happened." Fluttershy smiled, her eyes glinting. "So what's to doubt for the future?"

Rainbow enjoyed a brief moment of rosy cheeks and glittery eyes. And yet, with a sigh, she returned to a calm pace of breath. "Thanks, Fluttershy. Really... but right now... I-I think I should just concentrate on being a good friend to her."

"Oh?" Fluttershy looked at her. "Why just a friend?"

"Call it my latest swing at earth pony mentality. Everything's gotta have a good soft bed, right?"

"I... think I can get behind that analogy. Yes."

"Well, let's say that... that I'm needing to work on my foundation with Applejack." Rainbow gulped. "And that starts at friendship. Cuz—if worse comes to worst—I want there to be something left behind... something that I can hold onto... and her as well."

"Or... you know, Rainbow..." Fluttershy shrugged with a gentle smile. "You could aim for the best... because if anypony's capable of achieving the absolute best, it's you."

"Maybe." Rainbow nodded. "If I cared only about myself."

"Rainbow...?"

"Let's not think of it as me settling for something less, Flutters," Rainbow said. "More than anything, I wanna give AJ my respect. So..." The softest of smiles. "Let's think of it as... me falling in love with Applejack all over again." A gentle exhale. "That shouldn't be too hard... right?"

Win Some, Lose Some

"Winsome Falls!" Epcot grinned, sitting across a floating tea set. "Why, that sounds delightful!" A giggle. "With places as pretty as you've described, just who would need to build a Cider Space anyways?"

Rainbow lowered a cup from her lips. "Did I say 'Winsome' Falls?"

"Didn't you?"

"For some reason, I could have sworn I said 'Rainbow' Falls." She shrugged. "Eh." A sip. "Guess everything's me-colored in my head."

"Except when it comes to freckles."

"Heeeeeeeeeeeee-hehehehehe-yeahhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash sighed. She placed her teacup down and leaned back, gazing at an ocean bubbling overhead. "Mmmmm... Well, I'm friggin' stoked. It'll be just us girls... plus Trixie.."

"Uh huh..."

"Hanging out. Hoofing it. Sharing stories. Making new ones."

"Well..." Epcot smiled, pretending to sip from her own cup. "Don't you sound positively enamored?"

"It just seems so darn simple, y'know?" Rainbow sat back up and squinted across the table at her. "Like... why didn't I think of it before?"

"From what you've said, you didn't even think of it this time. You have Fluttershy to thank."

"Well, true. But still." Rainbow gulped. "It's like I'm... waking up to the fact that my friends are right frickin' there. I could have hung out with them at anytime. I could be hanging out with them at anytime!"

"Including Applejack..."

"Especially Applejack!" Rainbow smirked. "I mean, why not? She means a lot to me. I mean a lot to her."

"Love has its many degrees of expression and purpose," Epcot said. "It would be silly to sacrifice one tier for another."

"Right?" Rainbow gulped. "And... who knows? Maybe... maybe this is the sort of foundation I need."

"Hmmmm..."

"I just need to... start at the roots." She gulped. "Work my way up."

"But you use that word, though."

"Huh?" Rainbow blinked.

"'Work,'" Epcot remarked. "Seems a bit forced to me."

"In what way?"

"Friendship shouldn't have to be about labor," the chaperone said. "Of all the mortals and immortals I've ever studied, the majority of them formed social bonds through natural means—without having to resort to obligations or self-imposed commitments."

"Well... that's kinda sorta what this is." Rainbow Dash hugged herself as she spoke. "I'm just learning to... to relax."

"Well, that most definitely is a good thing, Rainbow Dash."

"I know that..." Rainbow gulped. "...it almost appears as though I'm settling."

Epcot's narrowed. "Now, I never intended to imply that..."

"Oh, for sure." Rainbow sighed. "I just... I just gotta catch up, y'know?" She cleared her throat. "Unlike Experimental Chaperones of Tomorrow, not all of us live forever."

"Of that I'm quite aware."

Rainbow winced. "Sorry."

"Don't be." Epcot smiled, leaning her head to the side. "However, you could answer a question for me, if you're of a mind."

"Shoot."

"Does any of this have anything to do with the friend you've just lost contact with?"

Rainbow blinked. "Huh...?"

"Your friend. The one you called 'Lancie,'" Epcot remarked. "With his departure, I can only assume you've received greater motivation to preserve that which you have."

Rainbow bit her lip.

Epcot leaned back, blinking. "If that's too forward of me, I apologize—"

"No. It's fine." Rainbow coughed. "And... yeah. There's some truth in that, I suppose. Even though... I-I don't think anything I could have done would have changed the fact that Lancie had to go take a hike for... p-personal reasons. For so long, he was so obsessed about changing me. And... and I get what he was trying to do? Y'know? I mean... sorta. He wanted to make a decision that was beneficial for myself... or at least my heart's desire. But... but I just couldn't, y'know? One thing or another got in the way and... and I think he lost a lot of faith in me right at the end."

"Oh?"

"These last few days and nights, I've been obsessed over... over whether or not I respect Applejack," Rainbow said. "And I still believe that the reason I never gave in to any of Lancie's offerings or temptations is because of that respect. But... but it goes deeper than that, and I think this is where Lancie was onto something... whether he knew it or not." Rainbow leaned back, brushing a hoof through her bangs. "To respect Applejack, I gotta level with her. I gotta be there by her side, instead of... y'know... what I've been doing." She gulped. "Which is... j-just obsessing with her from the shadows. No, I... I gotta be with her... to figure out where she's at... and where I'm at. And... and if there's a chance... even a snowflake's chance in Tartarus of us being in the same place... together."

Epcot gently nodded. After a while, she said, "And if you determine that there isn't such a chance?"

Rainbow sighed, her ears folding. "...then we'll always have Rainbow Falls..."

"Don't you mean Winsome Falls?"

"Pffft." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

"Heeheehee!" Epcot giggled.

Rainbow chuckled... then chuckled some more. With a sigh, she raised her hoof and rubbed her eyes dry.

Cloud Flossing

"Mrmmfff!" Rainbow Dash spun, kicking a cloud to bits. She panted and panted, pivoting about to observe her aerial hoofwork.

The skies over Ponyville cleared entirely, blue and crisp and cool.

She took a deep breath... then bore a tiny, tranquil smile.

"Hey! Rainbow Dash!"

"...?" Rainbow turned around.

Two other pegasi saluted her from afar.

"Good job!" Thunderlane exclaimed, grinning.

She blinked. "Uhhhh... thanks?" Her eyes narrowed. "For what?"

Thunderlane chuckled. "On making weather captain for the tornado project, of course!"

"Oh. Oh right." Rainbow smiled crookedly. "Uhhh... didn't you make a weather captain position yourself, dude?"

"Well..." Thunderlane coyly slicked his mane back from where he hovered around the remnants of a kicked cloud. "Yeah. But, y'know... I kinda expected that."

"Oh?"

He shrugged. "I've been doing weather flying full-time lately. So... y'know... it's a given. But you?" He smirked. "Must be super hard fitting it in."

Rainbow squinted. "How do you mean?"

"Well... you are all over the place as of late," the stallion said.

Candy Mane flew in, wagging her eyebrows. "So 'all over the place' that nopony can ever seem to find her."

Thunderlane rolled his eyes. "Not helping."

Candy Mane giggled, then looked Rainbow's way. "What I think Thunderlane here is trying to say is that we all know you're a busy mare these days, so it's really... really nifty to see you lending a hoof with the Everfree tornado project."

"Uhm... thanks." Rainbow blinked. "I think?"

"Look, it's not like I have to give you and your team well wishes," Thunderlane said. "'Cuz we all know that your tream is gonna excel over the rest by proxy of having you on board."

"Well..."

"It's just really cool to know that—no matter how busy Rainbow Dash might be—she still has time to spare for the rest of Ponyville." Thunderlane nodded with a smirk. "And that's an awesome feeling."

Rainbow stared at them, blinking. "You... d-don't think I've turned my back on you guys any?"

Candy Mane squinted. "Now why would we think that, Rainbow?"

Rainbow bit her lip. "Erm..." Clearing her throat, she returned to cloud patrol. "No reason. Uhm... see you at the next tornado meet."

"Sure thing, Rainbow! I look forward to it!"

Rainbow Dash gazed down at the rooftops of Ponyville, her eyes blinking contemplatively.

Hours later, standing inside the warehouse of Banner Guild, she still squinted into the shadows with the same thoughtful glaze to her eyes.

"...and with the implementation of last month's protocols, we're switching from yellow aprons to an olive green color," Stamps said from his desk. He shuffled through papers, then brightened as he found a clipboard. "The idea is to look less familiar and more... friendlyb. Our deliverers are living, breathing ponies, after all, not billboards."

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash blinked again.

Stamps looked up. He raised an eyebrow. "Rainbow?"

"Hmmm?" Rainbow looked over. "Oh. Uhm... bye bye yellow, right?"

Stamps took a deep breath. "I figured you would be... overjoyed by this news."

"Mmm... it works," Rainbow muttered. She rubbed her nose, then stood up straight. "Anyways. Got stuff for me to deliver, boss?"

"First thing's first, Rainbow." Stamps hoofed her the clipboard. "First class delivery. Central Ponyville."

"That's it?" Rainbow exhaled. "Pretty easy." She raised an eyebrow. "You're not going soft on me, eh, boss?"

"Don't tempt me," Stamps exhaled through flaring nostrils. "This package is especially fragile. It just came in to the warehouse today after two weeks in transit from Trottingham."

Rainbow Dash whistled. "Whew. Trottingham. Somepony ordering an Aston Maretin?"

"None of our business... except business," Stamps said. "You should know that." He leaned back, waving with a hoof. "Now... dash off, Dash." He rummaged through papers, then looked up. "But carefully."

"Right. Diet Dashing." Rainbow trotted off, flipping through the sheets of the clipboard with her feathertips. "Hmmmm... 'Trottingham Affectionate Trinkets.' Sounds... fwoofy." Halfway across the warehouse, she paused, hooves scuffling. Her muzzle scrunched. "Uhhhh..." She glanced over her shoulder, fidgeted, then glanced at the delivery address again. "...huh."

Knock knock knock!

A beat.

The apartment door opened up.

Stu Leaves brightened, emerging into daylight. "Oh! Omigosh! It's here!" He beamed ecstatically at the package, then up at the deliverer. "Thank you! You've no idea how much this—" He froze.

Rainbow Dash stood with a clipboard in her hoof. Between them lingered a tall cardboard box.

Stu Leaves bit his lip. "Oh. Uhm..." He gulped. "Oh dear. I forgot that... that you..."

"Ahem." Rainbow Dash held the clipboard out further. "If you wouldn't mind signing right here, sir."

"Huh? Oh. Right." Stu Leaves cleared his throat, then shuffled past the box. He took the pen between his teeth and scribbled his name. "Uhm... Rainbow?"

"Just doing my job," Rainbow said, tucking the clipboard away in her apron.

"About... about Trottingham Trinkets—"

"Not my concern, Stu." She turned and spread her wings. "Have a good day—"

Stu bit his lip. He looked left, right, then spoke up: "Actually... wait..."

She hovered in mid-air, turning to look at him over her shoulder.

"Uhm..." Stu cleared his throat. "Rainbow, I... I think it would actually help if I... uh... if I showed you what it—"

"I'm on the clock, Stu." She shook her head. "I can't do anything of the sort."

"Then... maybe when you're off from your job?" Stu squirmed, rubbing his front hooves nervously together. "If... if that's okay? I... I'm asking as a friend, not as a client—"

"Dude, whateve it is, I'm sure it's none of my business."

"It's... it's not about me, Rainbow," Stu said, biting his lip.

Rainbow blinked at him. Her eyes twitched, and she inhaled. "...sure thing."

He smiled, his ears twitching with relief. "Oh. Oh thank you, Rainbow. I... I promise, she's... I mean... it will really help to get your opinion on... uhm... it."

Rainbow nodded, then flew off for her next destination.

"...and the day keeps getting better and better," she muttered.

Stupendous, Leaves

"Uhm... my apologies in advance," Stu said, shuffling down the narrow corridor that led into the heart of his apartment. "I-I don't get visitors often... or at all." He cleared his throat, using his wingtips to flip on lights, illuminating a claustrophobic den with a sliding glass door overlooking a tiny lawn. "So, please forgive me for the mess."

"Uhhhhh... yeah..." Rainbow squinted at the... sparse furnishing. Aside from a tiny layer of dust, the abode was mostly threadbare. "I'll try not to puke at... all of the piles of refuse, dude."

"Seriously, Rainbow." Stu fidgeted in the corner of the living room. "I know it may not seem like much. But... imagine this place filled with all sorts of Cloudsdalian nick-nacks, spilled all over the place! I swear! If I let myself go, I can create a total pig-stye!"

Rainbow Dash couldn't help but giggle slightly. "Stu, are you certain it's not just your head that's cluttered?"

"Huh?"

Rainbow sighed, shaking her head. "Why don't we get this over with? What are you dying to show me, Stu?"

"You... uh... remember that package from Trottingham Trinkets you delivered to me?"

"It was three hours ago, dude."

"Oh... uh... right. Eheheh... uhm..." Stu Leaves took a deep breath, then trotted off into the even tinier kitchen. "Just wait right there!"

Rainbow Dash sat in the only chair the living room had. She called into another room, "I swear, Stu! If you trot back in wearing a pink ballgown, I'm calling the Ponyville police!"

"What?! N-no! Nothing of the sort!"

She chuckled. "It's called a joke, Stu! Yeesh... you gotta learn to chillax for once!" She turned to look at the nearest wall of family photos... only to notice that there were none. The mare blinked, taking in how empty the place looked, inside and out. The only noticeable detail to the living room—aside from the chair she was sitting in—was a lonesome radio with a tall antenna sticking up at a crooked angle. For the first time since Lancie left, she actually felt that her own home was more accomodating.

The air rattled with a scraping noise.

Rainbow looked across the room. Her eyes narrowed.

Stu shuffled in, shoving a familiar cardboard box with his forehead. He came to a stop with the package, catching his breath. His eyes darted up, meeting Rainbow's. He held a hoof up, smiled, then hoisted the hollow box up, revealing the glittery object within.

Almost immediately, the living room shone with dazzling light. The entire apartment took on a brand new life—all courtesy of an ornamental "tree" fashioned out of hoof-carved crystals and finely-hammered plates of silver.

Rainbow even had to squint. She leaned forward on the edge of the chair, cocking her head to the side in order to get a better view.

"Eheh..." Stu exhaled nervously, then waved a forelimb. "Ta-daaaa..."

Rainbow's eyes bounced between the shiny boughs, the crystalline leaves, and the glass-like branches.

"Well...?" Stu shifted from one set of hooves to the other. "What do you think?"

"... ... ..."

"...Rainbow?"

"Still thinking, dude," Rainbow exhaled. At last, her eyes fell upon a series of plump round glass "fruit" hanging from the branches. She tightened her jaws as her ears folded back.

"It's... it's hoof-built, y'know," Stu said, pointing at each inch of intricate detail. "Not factory-made. Real, living, breathing artists fastened each piece of the ornament together." He cleared his throat. "I think—more than anything—she'll really appreciate that."

Rainbow Dash sighed, slumping back in her seat. "It's an orange tree."

Stu leaned his head to the side. "Huh?"

Rainbow waved with a limp forelimb. "It's a friggin' orange tree, Stu."

He looked at the glittery ornament, then back at her. "...I know."

Rainbow did a double-take. "You know?"

"Uh huh."

Rainbow chewed on her bottom lip. "Stu, I..." A cough, and she stood up, pacing about awkwardly. "Okay, for one, Applejack is—like—never all that big on physical gifts. Like... ever." She paused in mid-step, staring at him pointedly. "As a close friend who's seen Rarity do her darnedest to shower dresses all over AJ for months now, I can tell you straight up that something like this is... is not..." She winced. "Just how much did this thing cost, Stu?"

"Oh... y'know..." The stallion shrugged. "A little here... a little there..."

Rainbow looked at the barren apartment and its threadbare walls. "... ... ...you don't say."

"I got a good deal on it!" Stu pointed. "Want to know how?"

"No. I mean..." Rainbow face-hoofed. "Stu, do you really think this was worth it?" She looked up. "AJ appreciates honesty and... and loyalty." She cleared her throat. "But gifts? Especially expensive ones?" She shook her head. "It just doesn't float her boat. If anything, I'm willing to bet she'll feel uncomfortable with having to accept something so glitzy and expensive!"

"There's a spot in the corner of her living room that's absolutely perfect for it!" Stu said with a crooked smile. "And if that's too cumbersome for her, it's okay! It's weatherproof! I bet it would look good in one of Granny Smith's gardens—"

"Stu, it's a friggin' orange tree!" Rainbow pointed with both limbs. "Have we forgotten that detail?"

"Uhhhhh—"

"I mean... seriously? Of all the details you shoulda gotten right..."

"Well..."

"Did you even think this over? Take more than a cursory glance at the Trottingham catalogue or... however you stumbled upon this 'deal?'"

Stu fidgeted where he stood. "Well, Rainbow, you see..." He gulped. "Sweet Apple Acres wasn't always going to be just apples. Once upon a time, the plan was to grow a whole bunch of orange groves."

"Huh?"

"Yeah! Crazy, right?" Stu smiled. "All of the orchards in the west fields were originally meant to be filled with orange trees! But... uhhh... Big Macintosh planted apples instead, and the ranch excelled in one specialty crop over the last two decades."

Rainbow grimaced. "I don't get it. Whose bright idea was it to ever dabble in orange trees?"

"Well..." Stu blinked. "Applejack's dad. For... for her mother." He gulped. "It was a promise he once made to her. She moved in from Manehattan, after all—leaving her wealthy Orange family to live on a rough-and-tumble apple farm. For years, Applejack's dad struggled to keep the land fertile, and her mother remained steadfast at his side. He was always thankful for this. Once they had a family going and the farm afloat, he promised to grow orange groves for her, but... well..." Stu smiled painfully.

Rainbow stared at him, then at the ornament.

"I know it can't... live up to their legacy," Stu said with a shrug. "But the Apples work so hard, day in and day out, and they barely squeak by. Heck... AJ keeps telling me how the farm never made much of a profit gain until just a few months ago."

Rainbow clenched her jaw muscles, saying nothing.

"And, y'know, I don't exactly earn a ton of bits every month myself. But at least I've got the luxury of... of not aching each and every day from apple bucking." He cleared his throat. "So, I figured that maybe it's time to afford something for the Apples to remember their missing members by."

"I... I didn't know a single thing about any of that," Rainbow murmured. "The Apples wanted to plant orange groves?" She blinked, and then her ears folded back as she gazed softly at Stu. "...AJ told you, didn't she?"

Stu shrugged. "Yeah. I... I think it first came up in conversation months ago."

"Before Orlandoats?"

"That or during. Memory's kinda fuzzy. Eheh..." He rubbed a hoof through his mane. "It was either this or save up for a new wagon. And... well... there's always rentals. Heheh."

Rainbow Dash sighed.

"You..." Stu gulped. "You think it looks tacky?"

Rainbow closed her eyes. Slowly, she shook her head. "I think it's the snazziest gift AJ's ever gotten."

He exhaled, his wingtips fluttering. "You... you r-really think so?"

"Yeah..." She reopened her eyes, fighting a lump in her throat. "Nice one, Stu."

"It... it can still be returned," Stu said. "There's—like—a fourteen day refund policy or some-such. So... uh... if you really think that AJ would just consider it to be clutter, then—"

"No." Rainbow shook her head. "This... this can only make Applejack happy."

"You think so?"

Rainbow took another deep breath, then gazed at him with a tired smile. "I'm her friend, Stu. I know so."

Stoop'd

"Well, the original plan was to give it to her this Friday," Stu Leaves said. "But... I-I can't find a good way to frame it. I'm talking about an opportunity to surprise her with it, y'know?"

"Uh huh..." Rainbow Dash hovered above the stallion while he sat on the front stoop of his apartment. Crickets sang in the background under a starry glow. "Maybe you should just—I dunno—take it over her ranch or something?"

"Well, I thought of that too, but I doubt even that's possible." Stu gulped, rubbing his hooves together nervously. "All of a sudden, Applejack's been really... really busy with apple bucking. Almost as if she's got four times the work load as normal. I can't get a word in edgewise."

"Huh?" Rainbow Dash blinked. "Oh. Duh. Winsome Falls."

"Winsome What?"

Rainbow smiled slightly. "Fluttershy came up with an idea for the six of us girls to go and hang out at Winsome Falls," Rainbow Dash said. "Sort of... like... a small, funtime camping trip thingy." She gulped. "Plus Trixie."

"Oh, you don't say?" Stu smiled wide, his wingtips fluttering. "That sounds really, really nice!"

"Yeah." Rainbow shrugged. "It'll be an opportunity for us to catch up, y'know? Chew the fat... get sweaty with one another." She blinked. "Erm... that last part sounded weirder than I meant it to."

Stu chuckled. "I get it. Girl bonding time."

"Right. Girl bondage... bonding..." Rainbow went cross-eyed. "Bleah..."

"Ha ha ha ha ha..."

She smiled. "So... uh..." She dipped a bit in midair, rubbing her numb forelimbs together. She had to get at least one dose before the hike. "AJ's probably... y'know... buffering."

"Buffering?"

"Doing a bunch of work now so she won't have to do a bunch of work later."

"Ahhhhh..."

"So she'll have time for the camping trip?"

"I suspect you're doing the same."

"Eh... I have it waaaaay easier," Rainbow said, slicking her mane back. "Both of my jobs are part-time."

"What about the tornado team meet?"

"Easily avoidable, dude. It's just a matter of scheduling. I'd say I'm in the same boat as Rarity in that regard."

"Well, I do hope everything works out for you girls."

"Yeah..." Rainbow sighed, staring aside. "Me too."

"I know first-hoof how awesome it can be when you and Applejack share the same air." Stu winked. "You two can definitely talk up a storm."

"Yes... well..." Rainbow gulped. "Not recently..."

Stu's voice leapt over that. "Rainbow Dash?"

"Yeah, Stu?"

"About... uhm... about the Trottingham orange tree gift..."

"What about it?"

He cleared his throat and looked up at her with a nervous expression. "You... uh... you won't tell her about it, will you?" A crooked smile, ears twitching. "I mean, at this rate, it probably won't be until after your trip that AJ receives it."

Rainbow stared at him.

"I really want the surprise to go over well. It's all in the presentation, if you catch me."

She continued staring. She smiled. "Sure thing, Stu. Mum's the word."

"Oh..." He exhaled a heavy weight from his lungs. "Oh thank you, Rainbow!" A breathy chuckle. "You've been such a wonderful help. You have no idea!"

"Hey..." Rainbow shrugged, beginning to fly away as the night cast a shadow over her muzzle. "What are friends for...?"

Circles and Sighs

Rainbow Dash lay upside down on her bed.

The lights were dim.

Her fuzzy ears tickled with cricketsong from beyond the window.

She curled her hooves up, flexing them every now and then.

Her flesh grew numb by the hour. The least could be said of her waking mind.

With a sigh, the petite pegasus rolled over... and over and over—tangling in the sheets until she became a fuzzy blue tube of pony.

"... ... ... ... ...meh."

Her wings stretched out, tossing the sheets off. With a single flap, she propelled herself off the bed and across the room. The mare lingered just before the dresser situated along the wall.

A conspicuous golden chalice lay in open view, its alicorn effigies glinting in errant starlight.

Biting her lip, Rainbow Dash stretched a hoof out. She paused all of the sudden, feeling a tingling sensation in her fetlock. Flexing the forelimb, she sighed, then withdrew from the goblet entirely.

"Mrmmmfff... not now..." She turned tail and hovered across her house and towards the shower. "Just move through it."

The next day, Rainbow yawned. She sat on the edge of an alchemy bench, swinging her lower legs as she sniffed through a cloud of potion fumes.

Noir stood in the center of Zecora's hut, mixing a fresh brew of medicine inside a black kettle. Sunlight grazed his skin, and he winced—but the sarosian refused to drop his toothed grip of the ladel.

Zecora trotted in from another room, carrying several ingredients and herbs. The zebra paused briefly, blinking at the stallion's discomfort. Trotting over, she swiftly drew his hood back over his head and leafy ears.

Noir relaxed. After a solid breath, he hummed his thanks through his grip of the stirring instrument.

Zecora smiled, then leaned in to nuzzle the midnight pony through his hood. Even from far away, Rainbow detected a curve to Noir's lips.

Then she saw nothing at all, for she glued her eyes to the floor while she waited humbly for the potion to be finished.

"That's it!" Rainbow Dash hollered, staring up at the blurring cyclone of bodies circling overhead. "Maintain momentum! Keep it together! We're totally icing the other groups!"

Fellow pegasi huffed and puffed as they struggled to maintain a constant counter-clockwise motion above her. High above the treetops of the Everfree Forest, they completed their training laps, being watched closely by Cloudsdalian weather ponies on the nearby clouds flanking them.

"Sharp Quill, keep elevated!" Rainbow spat. "I know you wanna go fast, but you gotta stay in Third Tier! Stay in the group!"

"S-sorry!" The stallion sputtered from above. "But the wind keeps pushing me down—"

"Dude, we are the wind!" Rainbow hollered. "Let those of us down below take the brunt of it. It's up to you and your wing ponies to maintain stability!"

"Trying..." Stu's panting breaths mixed with the rest of the group spinning above.

Rainbow's task was anything but easy, but she managed it with strong, expert wings. Her body tilted to the right as she spun viciously to the left. A cone of air formed beneath her, stretching up and widening so that the other pegasi could cohesively maintain its circumference.

Stu Leaves inhaled and exhaled in thick, controlled bursts. Rainbow spotted his eyes glinting with each pass he made against the twirling horizon.

Rainbow blinked. She continued spinning, her eyes tracing the ground, the earth, the edges of the Everfree Forest.

Amidst the cyclonic madness, she spotted a group of ponies situated by the woods' edge, waiting for their turn at a trial run. Among them was Thunderlane and his group. The stallion shuffled to the side, greeting a few onlookers. It took a few mesmerizing spins, but Rainbow was certain she could make out his figure greeting the tell-tale colors of Blossomforth. The two shared a few words—all obscured beyond the howl of an artificial tornado—then they nuzzled closely. The lover's embrace, with Thunderlane's chin gently rubbing atop Blossomforth's mane. A few mares along the sidelines cooed and giggled.

Rainbow blinked.

"Guhhh..." Stu wheezed all of the sudden. "Rainbow...?" Above him, the rest of the pegasi in Rainbow's group were gasping and yelping in dismay. The tornado was breaking—

"Ack!" Rainbow clenched her teeth. "Luna Poop!" And with several violent flaps of her wings, she saved the tornado from dismantling. The cyclone sped up, forming a cone once again. Everyone above her caught their breaths while Rainbow winced. She looked aside. Over the next five spins, she caught the Cloudsdale Weather Commission ponies scribbling onto their clipboards, looking deadpan.

Rainbow gulped... then sighed, carrying the rest of her teams revolutions.

Table Topped

Lyra took a long, hearty swig of cider. She ended with a belch, rubbed her muzzle dry, then pointed across the table with a smirk. "Make a move on her the first chance you get."

"Lyra!" Bon Bon hissed.

"I'm tellin' ya!" Lyra smirked, twirling her empty mug around. "It's now or never, girl! Overnight hiking, huh? Plenty of time to pitch a tent... in more ways than one, if you get me."

"Ugh..." Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "That makes absolutely no sense and you know it."

"Uhm..." Caramel smiled, blushing. "I get it."

"Well of course you do, princess." Lyra licked the edges of her mug. "Well, not for long, anyway."

"Ahem..."

"Heh..." Rainbow Dash leaned back in her chair across from her friends at the pub. "How many times do I have to tell you girls. This is not that kind of camping trip?!"

"Then why even bring it up?" Lyra slurred. "We're basically your 'Team Freckle Pounce' posse at this point, aren't we?"

"She brings it up because she wants some support, Lyra," Bon Bon said. She turned to smile at Rainbow. "And I, for one, totally agree with this decision that you're making. I think it's a fabulous idea to reconnect with Applejack... or the rest of your friends for that matter!"

"Just don't do anything too flirtatious," Vinyl droned while levitating a periodical on the underground music scene.

"Don't flirt too much, though," Bon Bon said.

"Be sure to give Applejack some space," Vinyl added.

"Make sure your marefriends maintain boundaries!"

"Let her start conversations... as well as end them," Vinyl said.

"Oh!" Bon Bon grinned. "And let Applejack lead in most of the conversations!"

Vinyl rolled her shaded eyes. "What am I? Mute?"

Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. "All great advice. Really. But... I kinda sorta had all of that stuff in mind already."

"Pffft..." Lyra shrugged. "Then why even bring it up?"

"Guess I just wanted to know if I was... y'know... being crazy."

"Why 'crazy?'" Caramel raised his eyebrow. "I mean... eheh... it's no more obsessive than how you usually go about things, Rainbow Dash."

Rainbow winced. "Ow."

"Erm..." Caramel blushed. "Sorry."

Bon Bon patted Caramel's shoulder. "She's right, though, Rainbow." She looked over at their pegasus friend. "This feels like taking a few steps back. A good few."

"Right..."

"Do... do you regret it?" Caramel asked.

Rainbow gulped. "I guess that remains to be seen. I mean... so long as Applejack is comfortable, then... what's the big deal, huh?"

"When is this little shindig anyways?" Lyra asked.

"Well..." Rainbow shuddered. "Things have come together, and it looks like... uhm... th-that we'll be getting together in about two days." She smiled. "I have a large enough hole in my schedule and Applejack's been double-dipping into farmwork to free herself."

"Well, hey..." Vinyl droned. "Sounds like somepony besides you is gung-ho about this."

"Whose idea was this again?" Lyra asked.

"Mine. Well... mine and Fluttershy's."

"She's in on it, huh?"

"She's always in on it. Just—unlike you guys—she has a habit of cushioning things."

"Heehee..." Bon Bon winked. "I guess we all love you a little bit differently."

Caramel grinned. "I love you in pink!"

"Steady there, Lieutenant Fwoofles," Lyra exhaled in a monotone. "This is just for friendship purposes. Isn't that right, Dash?"

Rainbow bit her lip.

Lyra rolled her eyes, then growled a little louder: "I said... isn't that right, Dash?"

"It's always the long, crazy, winding road to something else... something more." She gulped. "Only... now I think I'm starting to look at it all a bit more realistically."

"Realistically how?" Bon Bon asked.

After a sigh, Rainbow smiled and said, "I'm just trying to clear the weeds from the path away. Cuz... after all... a road like this won't be awesome if I'm just trotting it on my own."

[Sap of Life]

In the corner of Rainbow Dash's bedroom...

On a chair...

Before the door...

...a thick saddlebag full of supplies waited, fully packed.

Rainbow Dash lay in bed, flat on her belly.

She stared at the chair... at the satchels full of sunscreen, bugspray, camping supplies, and hidden medicine.

She took a deep breath.

The mare tried sleeping—no luck.

She even tried yawning—zero success.

She remained that way for hours, patiently stagnant, even as the rays of morning light bled in through the window, cascading over her dresser and her alarm clock.

The mare blinked... then sighed. She flapped her wings, lifted off the bed, and drifted across the room.

Before her eyes, the clock flickered over from '5:59' over to '6:00'.

BEEP— Thap! Her hoof slapped over the clock, silencing it.

"Mrmmffff..." A dull smile crossed her lips. "...better early than never."

And so she threw the saddlebags over her flank, locked the house up... and left.

Rainbow Dash sat on a tree stump along the edge of a forested path leading northeast out of Ponyville's city limit.

She bounced one hoof... then the other.

She hummed to herself, gazing across the woods. Her nostrils flared, and she rubbed her fuzzy face, blinking across the early morning mists and haze.

At last, the crackling of leaves and twigs tickled her ears.

"...!" The mare sat up straight. Her heartbeat increased as she stared down the path.

Hoofsteps increased, growing louder... closer.

Rainbow bit her lip, suppressing a smile. She leaned forward... almost sliding off the edge of the tree stump.

At last, two bodies shuffled into view: one lavender and one blue.

"Sparkle, the Great and Humble Trixie insists. You have done more than enough scholarly research and reading over the past few months alone. Allow Trixie to read the map! You should relax!"

"You don't get it, Trixie! This is how I relax! Reading a map—heck, anything will make me feel comfortable! If nothing else, being the pony with the map will let me enjoy this camping trip more!"

Rainbow Dash sighed heavily, hanging her head. Nevertheless, after a few seconds, she tilted her chin up, smiling calmly.

"Hmmmf... well, if you insist, Sparkle, then Trixie will not argue. Even still." The mare tossed her mane, stifling a yawn as she carried a relatively light backpack full of necessities. "Nyyyghh... Trixie would like nothing better than to make herself useful."

"Oh? Well..." Twilight fussed with a huge weight over her flanks. "I suppose you could carry my other books for me!"

"Other... books...?" Trixie blinked.

With lavender telekinesis, Twilight lifted one bulging saddlebag and planted in on Trixie's spine.

"Oooomf!" Trixie's eyes bugged as her knees buckled under the weight.

"Oh my goodness..." Twilight grimaced, holding a muzzle before her face. "It... it isn't too heavy, is it?"

"Do not... b-be ridiculous!" Trixie wheezed, stumbling forward one concrete forelimb at a time. Thud! Thud! Th-Thud! "Nrrrnnnghhh!" She hissed, her whole body shaking from the weight. "Trixie... is... n-nothing else... if not pleased... t-t-to be of s-service! Mrmmffgh!"

"Oh! Well in that case!" Twilight added a second bag to the load. "Here! Could you carry my notecards too?"

WHUMP!

"Oooooomfaaa!"

"Thanks!" Twilight stifled a giggle. "You're so, so helpful, Trixie!"

"What... d-do you even have... to read and st-study during this trip, anyways?"

"Oh... just a little of this and a little of that..." Twilight shrugged, folding the map up in her magical grasp. "The Starswirl Field Manual of Magical Remedies. Splinters 101. Where the Red Filly Grows. Mating Rituals of the Timberwolves and Famous."

"How about 'Daring Do and the Diligent Dork?'" Rainbow mused.

Twilight twirled to blink at her. "Huh?" Her muzzle scrunched. "That's... that's not even a real work by A.K. Yearling!"

Rainbow waved a hoof, sighing. "It's okay. Forget I said anything."

"Gaaah!" WHUMP! "... ... ...Trixie gets it..."

"Anyways, so great seeing you, Rainbow," Twilight said, then beamed ecstatically. "Can you believe we're all actually doing this?"

"Heh... I know, right?"

"Feels like it's been so long since we did something that was... y'know... fifty-percent friendly, forty-percent adventurey, and ten-percent tree sap."

"I intend to fly most of the way. So I'll likely get twenty-percent air on top of that."

"Oh Rainbow..." Twilight chuckled. "Don't you wanna get some hoofcercise for once?"

"Erm..." Rainbow fidgeted, feeling the weight of her medicine stashed deep away in her bag. "I'll take what I can get."

"That's the spirit!" Twilight trotted over to the stump, took off her saddlebag, and sat down with a happy sigh. "Well... guess we wait for the others! Wow... this is just going to be great, isn't it?"

Rainbow cleared her throat. "If I had fingers, I'd be crossing them."

"Ha!" Twilight hugged herself and giggled. "Ha ha ha ha! Haaaaaa... ... ...I don't get it."

"Mrmmmff... ... ...Trixie d-does..."

Mixed Feelings

"I made a special batch of trail mix for everypony!" Pinkie frolicked between the gathered mares. "Rainbow Dash! You get popcorn mixed in with your nuts and berries!"

"H-hey..." Rainbow happily grabbed the sealed plastic bag from her. "Cool."

"Twilight, you get dried orange slices along with pistachios and Canterlot cold-cut-fry bits!"

"Uhhhhhhh..." Twilight took the offering from Pinkie as she sat on the stump. "A... teensy bit unorthodox for trail mix, but sure!"

"Ungh! Please." Trixie tossed her mane. "As if you could actually make classy, edible mixes by throwing in everypony's favorite foods at random—"

"And for you, Madame Trix-a-Lot—heeheehee—peanut butter cracker wedges with hay-sprinkled almonds!"

"Duaaaaaaaaaaaaaah..." Trixie's eyes instantly sparkled. She gazed with her muzzle agape. "Can... can it actually be...?" Her hooves trembled too hard to properly grasp the bag being held out to her. "What science exists t-to make this possible? Trixie must know!"

"Some things simply can't be understood, Trixie," Twilight said with a wink. "Just stop worrying and learn to love the Pink."

"Woohoo!" Pinkie pumped her hoof in the forested air and grinned. "This morning's off to a good start already!"

Rainbow stuck a hoof into her bag, munching on a few kernels of popcorn. "Mrmmmf—Mmmm!" Her ruby eyes widened. "Whoah! Pinkster! No way!" She pointed at the bag as she swallowed. "This stuff is... like... cider flavored!"

Pinkie waggled her eyebrows as she leaned against a tree. "Am I good or am I good?"

"What's better than good?" Rainbow muttered through another luscious bite of mix. "Mrmfff... or did I just cover my own bases."

"Great and Powerful..." Trixie cooed, nuzzling her bag closely.

Twilight rolled her eyes. "I expected to go on a hike. Not a buffet."

"Just where are the other mares, anyway?" Pinkie remarked.

"Oh SpiiiIIIIIiiike!"" A fabulous voice rippled up the hill. "Do be a dear and avoid dragging the legstraps along the ground! They'll be clad around my delicate coat an hour from now, and I shan't risk being dirtied!"

"Hey!" Pinkie turned, grinning. "Speak of the Diva!"

Rarity came galloping up the hill, wearing a sunhat and outrageously large shades. "My apologies for being fashionably late."

"You're not late, Rarity," Rainbow said. "But fashionable...?" She shrugged. "Meh."

"Oh Rainbow Dash." Rarity waved a hoof, smiling coyly. "A gentle ruffian as always. Ahem." She looked down the hill once more. "Spiiiiike!"

"Mrmfffnngh..." Spike grunted, carrying no less than four loads of bags across his scaled spine. "I'm... c-coming...!"

"Spike?" Twilight blinked. "I thought you said you weren't up for a camping trip!"

"I'm... n-not..." The whelp sweated, stumbling up the hill one jittery claw at a time. "But... b-but..." His slitted eyes dazzled. "...when Rarity offered to pay me in rubies for carrying her things to the starting point for her, well, who could resist?"

"Anyone with a sense of self-respect—" Trixie started, only to have a lavender limb elbow her into silence. "Mmmmf!"

Twilight cleared her throat, then smiled at Spike. "That's very generous of you, Spike. But still... I'm confused." She looked at Rarity. "How is anypony—much less you—expected to carry all of that up to Winsome Falls?"

"Oh, I only intend to carry one bag, Twilight, dear," Rarity said. "You'd think I'd shoulder all of this on my lonesome?" She shook her head while adjusting her sunhat. "Why, I heard that Applejack would be bringing a wagon with her to carry our things."

"A wagon?" Rainbow's voice cracked.

"Well, we do intend to enjoy a most ravishing picnic, do we not?"

"Oh! Of course!" Pinkie grinned wide. "That explains why AJ is late! Usually, she's the first pony to show up for these kind of things!"

Rainbow rubbed her other forelimb, squirming slightly. "Yeahhhh..."

"Here you go, Spikey Wikey," Rarity said, leaning down to hoof the whelp a few glittering gems. "They've been housed underground over the last month." Her eyelashes fluttered. "So they should be extra earthy."

"Oh wow..." Spike dropped the bags and embraced the glittery offering with a drooling expression. "You... you actually stored them underground... f-for me?"

"Why, of course!" Rarity brushed a few gorgeous bangs under her hat. "You never know when the need may arrive to handsomely pay a handsome dragon assistant!"

"Eeeeeeeeeeeee—" Spike eee'd.

"Ugh..." Twilight rolled her eyes. "Oh brother."

Trixie blinked at her. "What's wrong, Sparkle?"

"Where do I begin?"

"Well, while we wait for the others!" Pinkie reached in her bag and tossed a pouch of trail mix at Rarity's hooves. "Here ya go, Rare-Rare! Pinkie's especially fabulous mix! Shaked and baked for you!"

"Eugh... Pinkie, while I do appreciate your generous offering, a lady such as myself does not eat on the go... and especially not from a bag of... of..." All of the sudden, her eyes twitched. She leaned down to poke at the appetizing bag. "...are... are those wine samples?"

"Hah!" Trixie grinned. "So it's that kind of trip!" She tossed the first of many peanut butter wedges into her mouth and smiled rosily. "Trixie approves!"

Around the Bend

"Uhhhh... I don't get it, Pinkie." Spike looked up, blinking. "Why'd you make me trail mix as well? I'm not going on the camping trip."

"It's for the trip back to Ponyville, silly!" Pinkie said, sticking a tongue out and winking. "I, for one, know how long it takes to walk when you're not floating on air!"

"Wow. Thanks!" Spike smiled, shaking the bag in his claws as he drooled at the rattling gems and dried banana chips inside. "I'll not to make it all go at onc—" He blinked, cross-eyed. "Wait... what do you mean 'not floating on air—'"

"Oh lookit!" Pinkie said, scanning the bend in the path downhill. "Here comes Fluttershy and her quieter half! Teeheehee!"

"Splendid!" Rarity remarked, dabbing on some suntan lotion. "Looks like we're about to get this outdoor party going!"

"Wait...?" Rainbow remarked. "What do you mean by 'quieter half?'" she asked.

Fluttershy's murmuring voice answered Rainbow before Pinkie could: "Heeheeheee... well, that's mighty thoughtful of you, Big Mac."

Rainbow turned to see Fluttershy trotting up the hill. She was not alone.

A big hulk of crimson muscle shuffled along with her, carrying her saddlebags.

Fluttershy hovered a few inches above the ground, smiling aside at him. "But if I blew the dog whistle at the first sign of danger, it would only upset all of the animals living around here. What's more, none of my creature friends at the cottage would even hear the thing through all the bedlam donwind. Also... uhm... it would really really agitate whatever bear, lion, or manticore might be in the process of... erm mauling me—in accordance to your nightmare scenario."

Big Macintosh let loose something that resembled a tiny dog whimper. He bowed his head, ears folded.

"Awwwwwww... you big fluffy snuggle bear." Fluttershy leaned in to nuzzle the stallion. "Don't you worry one bit about me. I've got the most powerful magician in all of Equestria to protect me!"

"She is right!" Trixie barked from across the clearing. "Trixie will look after your marefriend of murmurs and cuddles!"

Fluttershy bit her lip. "Erm... a-and Twilight too.... I-I guess." She cleared her throat. "And, honestly... n-not to toot my own horn... ehehehhhh... but if a creature was to try attacking us, the one good defense is... well... me."

"She's right, Big Mac!" Twilight smiled from several feet away. "Fluttershy really is the best safety measure against wild... wildelife!"

"Mrmmmmm..." Big Macintosh nervously fidgeted.

"Ohhhhhh will you please quit pouting?" Fluttershy folded her forelimbs. "I'll be fine! Don't let your worries distract you from feeding my creature friends regularly, mmmmkay? I'm counting on you."

"Hmmm..." He finally broke a freckled smile. "Eeeeyup..."

"Heeeeee..." She leaned in to nuzzle him again. "What would I ever do without youuuu—"

Big Mac opened his mouth to provide a very thoughtful and detailed answer—

"Say, Flutters?" Rainbow flew closer. "I don't suppose you've seen AJ along the way?"

"Hmmm? Oh! Why, yes!" She nodded, pointing down the path. "We passed them a few minutes ago."

"Ah, okay." Rainbow blinked... then paled in a flash. "...what do you mean by 'them?'"

At that moment, wagon wheels could be heard grinding over the dirt and pine needles that made up the path. Two sets of hoofsteps accompanied them. There were voices... two voices... conversing happily.

"And that's when I said 'Cloud Kicker? I hardly even know her!'"

"Hah hah hah hah! Whewwwww! Stu... you are impossible! That pegasus humor is awful!"

"Eh... I'm just wingin' it!"

"Hah hah hah hah!"

"Heheheheheh..."

Rainbow blanched. She felt bile forming in the back of throat... and she nearly fainted.

"Oh no..."

... Made You Leaf

"Rainbow?" Fluttershy craned her neck.

Applejack's and Stu Leaves' voices grew more and more concrete as the pair came closer. But mostly just Stu's.

"Oh no..." Rainbow gnashed her teeth. She flew over towards a nearby tree and knocked her head several times against it. "No no no no no no." Thap thap thap thap!

"Rainbow, what's wrong?" Fluttershy hoarsely inquired.

Rainbow clenched her teeth. She couldn't bear to look... to hear... to smell.

"We're here!" Applejack cackled as the wagon wheels came to a stop. "Alright, Stu, you can hoof the reins over to me!"

"No no no no no no pleeeeease no." Rainbow clenched her eyes shut, nearly boring a hole through the tree with her forehead. Her ears pounded from her throbbing pulse. Her heart—

"Here ya go, AJ."

"Thanks a heap, Stu. That uphill climb always kills me!"

"Heh... no sweat. Er... well... y-you know what I mean."

Rainbow squeaked, teeth grinding.

"Heh... goofball. Now... you and Big Mac got a game plan for harvestin' the apples while I'm gone?"

"... ... ...!" Rainbow's eyes flew open.

"Right. We're gonna alternate days where he takes care of Fluttershy's critters during the morning and I roam the fields in the evening. And then we've already got the shifts planned for selling produce at the market."

"Make sure to keep on his keister about it. Not that Big Mac is lazy or nothin', but... well... he's a tad bit soft-spoken, so it's mighty easy to make broad assumptions with him."

"Heh... we're stallions, AJ. We can brospeak. Ain't that right, Big Mac?"

"Eeeyup."

"... ... ...okay, so I can dig a challenge."

"Heh heh heh..."

Blinking, Rainbow spun around.

Stu Leaves was busy fastening the wagon struts to Applejack. He leaned in as the two shared a nuzzle, and then he backtrotted. "You girls have fun!" The stallion said with a wave. He glanced across the way. "Spike? Need a lift back?"

"Mrmmmff... hmmm?" Spike swallowed up the gravelly bits of a gemstone, slitted eyes blinking. "Oh... uhm... well..." He shrugged. "...if that wouldn't be much of a problem."

Stu and Big Mac exchanged glances. Then, with a smirk, Stu motioned. "Why don't you hop a ride with us, dude? Last time I heard, Big Mac had this awesome... secret fishin' hole just perfect for wasting away a cool, crisp afternoon like this one. Figured we'd relax a bit and chew the fat before all the work we gotta do this week. Wanna join us?"

"Heh... sure!" Spike zipped up the bag of trail mix and waddled after the two stallions. "Mind if... uhm... I bring a comic book or two?"

"So long as you don't have us use the pages for bait."

"Are you kidding? The fish would ruin the ink!"

"Heheh... what do you like reading, anyways?"

"The Power Ponies!"

"Ah..." Stu nodded. "But of course."

"You read comic books?"

"Well, I used to. Are you familiar with The Sandmare?"

"Huh?"

"Y'know... by Neigh Gaiman?"

"... ... ....?"

Stu sighed. "Eh... well... Vertigallop Comics ain't what they used to be." He waved at the mares. "So long! Have a nice trip! Be safe!"

"Back at y'all!" Applejack called back as she drew the wagon across the clearing. "Dun ya be burnin' down my farm or nothin'!"

"Heh... wouldn't live with myself if that happened!"

"Darn tootin', ya varmint face!"

"Freckle monster!" Stu called back, then blinked aside at Big Macintosh. "Erm... present company accepted."

"Heheh... Eeyup." And Big Mac helped Spike onto his back as the three guys descended down the path, chatting with one another.

"Okay, gals!" Applejack adjusted her hat as she paused in the middle of the clearing. "Go on and toss yer bags into this here cart. And dun none of y'all fret about me pullin' the load! I ain't enjoyin' myself unless I'm gettin' some fine exercise."

"That's ever so kind of you, dear," Rarity said, floating her things into the back.

"Yes... thank you, Applejack," Twilight said, levitating her things as well.

Trixie added to the mix. "Thank you apple horse!"

"A good exercise needs good vittles!" Pinkie Pie hopped up, holding a plastic bag. "Lookie lookie!"

"Awwww shucks!" Applejack smiled. "Is this one of yer world-famous custom trail mixes?" Pinkie tossed her the plastic bag. Applejack cradled it, squinting. It was full of nothing but apple-slices. "Whewwwww doggie!" Applejack grinned, then hung the bag off the edge of the wagon. "This is already lookin' to be the best campin' trip ever!"

"Mmmmm... I'm so excited." Fluttershy grunted slightly as she placed her bags into the back of the wagon. Her eyes were locked on Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash turned to blink at Fluttershy.

Fluttershy squinted.

Rainbow bit her lip, sweating.

"... ... ..." Fluttershy smirked wryly. She leaned into nuzzle the mare, then ruffled her prismatic bangs. "Stop worrying," the pegasus mouthed with her delicate muzzle, then flew ahead to join the others. "Say... Twilight... did you bring your nature guide?"

"Oh! Totally! It's the latest edition too!"

Rainbow stared at the group. She wound up... then exhaled the heaviest breath of her body. She came out the other side with a limp smile, then proceeded to add her bag quietly to Applejack's wagon.

Somepony To Dash Over Me

"Ya ever heard of Flame Geyser Swamp?" Applejack asked.

Rainbow blinked. Hard. "No." She cleared her throat, leaning forward in the wagon's seat. "But now that I have, I sure as heck wanna go there."

"Heh..." Applejack shifted the brim of her hat as she drew the wagon around a forested curve. "Ya say that now..." Cracked a joint in her neck. "Mmmmf... I'm talkin' a thick bog-like swamp with fog and smoke floatin' everywhere. Then—out of nowhere—the marsh starts spittin' out flames somethin' awful. If ya ain't careful, ya stand to have yer cutie mark burned clean off!"

"Sounds killer."

"Heh! Literally!" Applejack smirked as she trotted along. "Anyways, sometimes I gotsta make deliveries of baked pies to a village located on the far side of the Swamp. And the only way to carry the pies to the payin' customers in time for 'em to still taste fresh is to cut a path straight through that burnin' bog. Goin' around would take too long and the pies would go stale. Ya feel me?"

"I feel ya girl."

"And, y'know, the flame spurts are frightenin' as the dickens, to be sure. But t'ain't half the trouble of rollin' through there." Applejack gulped. "The Flame Geyser Swamp is where the chimera lives, ya see."

"Chi...mera...?"

"Eeyup." Applejack nodded. "Pretty dang nasty beast. Part goat, part saber-toothed tiger, part snake. Real inside out and ferocious. Got three heads on it and all of 'em thirst for blood."

"Awesome."

"Hah! You and I have different views on what's 'awesome', sugarcube."

"Er... y-yeah..." Rainbow Dash hugged herself, fidgeting slightly in the wagon.

"I guess... if you think about it imaginatively, the chimera is a pretty nifty thang. But that still doesn't stop it from being a real pain in the horse's hindquarters whenever yer tryin' to make speedy pie deliveries through the swamp."

"Have..." Rainbow blinked. "Have you ever had to do battle with it?"

Applejack smirked at that. "There ya go again. Always makin' somethang out to epic."

"Well, is it or isn't it?" Rainbow leaned forward again, smirking. "Please tell me you've kicked the butt... er... butts of this chimera once or twice!"

"Hmmmm..."

Rainbow grinned. "You did take it to the woodshed! Didn't you?"

"Ohhhhh Rainbow..." Applejack rolled her eyes, then chuckled. "The chimera is best avoided at all costs."

"Awwww..."

"To protect the pies! Gosh dang it..." She adjusted her hat again, pulling the wagon over a hilly crest. "Still, I won't deny that I've had to... erm... go head to head to head to head with the darn thang before. It might look like a nasty creature on the outside, but inside it's all sawdust and wasted spittle."

"Heeheeheee..."

"Tough sonuvagun, though. Still." Applejack coughed. "Nothin' that a good chair can't fix."

"A... chair?"

"And ricotta cheese."

Rainbow rubbed her head, squinting. "Okay. I think you broke the Dashie."

"Hahahaha—face it, Rainbow. Ain't no sense in dealin' with a dangerous situation unless you have every opportunity to make it out alive. Stunts might be yer thang, but when there're pies to deliver, I'd much rather avoid a tussle with any monster... no matter how nasty."

"Just say you whooped the chimera's butt. Just once!"

"Pffft. Sorry to disappoint, Rainbow. But I never whooped no chimera's butt."

"Awwwwww..."

"... ... ..." Applejack smirked. "I slobberknocker'd 'em once."

"YES!" Rainbow Dash pumped a hoof in the air. "Woohooo! Go AJ!"

"Smashed two of its heads reaaaaal hard against a tree trunk." Applejack stuck her tongue out. "And the third one against a bush full of spurs!"

"Hahaha! That's what it gets for chasing after you!"

"I... m-may have kicked some mud on it too after it fell down." Applejack blushed slightly. "Only 'cuz it was callin' me names'n'all." She looked back, brow furrowed. "Dun ya go tellin' anypony 'bout that, now! Especially Apple Bloom!"

"Hah! I won't!" Rainbow Dash hugged herself, still chuckling. "Promise!"

"Dun want her gettin' any crazy ideas about goin' out on her own and kickin' the flanks of ravenous critters like her big sis."

"Heh... Celestia forbid."

To Buck or Not to Buck

"But, to tell the truth, Rainbow," Applejack said, slowing her wagon a bit upon seeing the mares in front of her shuffling to a stop. "I dun take particular pride in whoopin' the keisters of creatures in nasty parts of Equestria." Her muzzle scrunched. "Not one bit."

"Pffft..." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.

Applejack turned her head as if she heard it. "...what?"

"I dun believe that for one bit," Rainbow said with a smirk.

"You callin' me a liar?"

"Don't you love going to rodeos?" Rainbow Dash waved one hoof, then the other. "Winning blue ribbons? Stealing the spotlight?"

"Mmmmm—sure. I reckon."

"And don't you like winning a good race when there's a beaten path laid out in front of you?"

"Heh... you bet."

"You like competition! You like showing the rest of the world your stuff!" Rainbow Dash leaned back with a lazy smile. "There's gotta be a piece of you... some piece that enjoys taking a freaky bad guy who deserves it and taking 'em to the woodshed."

"I'm not just some brash daredevil of a mare, Rainbow," Applejack said. "I've gotta be an example to my lil' sis."

"Pffft... and I dun get to be an example?"

"To who?"

"Uhhh..." Rainbow tapped her chin, eyes twitching. "... ... ...Scootaloo?"

"Eugh... like you gotta encourage her."

"Hey! You know Scoots! The lil' scamp could use a pat on the back for all the crud she goes through!"

"I mean... heh..." Applejack chuckled. "Heheheh... the darn thang's a little spitfire. She doesn't need you to make her think that she can take on the world."

"You're saying I'd lead her astray?"

"No, but she's pretty much... well... a little you in the makin'! I mean, let's face it, Rainbow Dash!" Applejack adjusted the brim of her hat. "Equestria can only handle one flank-kickin' speedster, much less two of them."

"Heh. Yeah. Guess we'd make the continent implode, huh?"

"Look, ya got me ramblin' now." Applejack sighed. "It's simple, Rainbow. When I gotsta kick butt... then I gotsta. But you and Scootaloo? And other ponies? Y'all are cut from a different cloth. Me? I ain't got nothin' to prove."

"And we do?"

"Y'all enjoy showin' off. And that's fine!" Applejack smirked. "Quite frankly, it's excitin' enough to just... be around amazin' ponies like you. T'ain't no need in stealin' the spotlight when somepony else is good at it."

Rainbow blinked. She deflated a little bit. "Oh..." She bit her lip. "I guess I do that a lot."

"Well, ya used to."

Rainbow looked up. "Huh?"

"Seems like you wisened up a bit after these last few months," Applejack said. "Ya ain't an annoyin' show off like ya used to be. There once was a time when you drove me and everypony else crazy. Hah! I swear."

"Jee..." Rainbow smirked bitterly. "Thanks."

"But... guess you got yer act together, cuz I dun think I've ever seen a pony mature or... get sm-smart as plum fast as you have. It's inspirin', really. I'd be lyin' if I said I was the only pony who thought so."

Rainbow blinked. Her lips parted, and a gentle breath came out. "Jee... thanks..."

"And, between you and me, if life was ever to throw somethin' our way for anypony to beat up, I'd rather you be doin' it."

"Oh yeah? Why?"

"Why else?" Applejack stifled a yawn. "Cuz you sure do enjoy bein' the hero. And it's downright fun just... watchin' ya do it."

Rainbow Dash blinked. The tips of her wings fluttered. "You... y-you really think s—?"

"Alright, girls. I think this is as good a place as ever!" Twilight said, standing in a clearing. She waved a hoof up high to stop the procession. "Park it right there, AJ."

"Huh?" Rainbow craned her neck. "What for? Why are we stopping?"

"Why else?" Pinkie hopped up into the wagon and shook her bag once, unleashing a monsoon of table-cloths and food containers across the ground. "Snack Time!"

Apples to Apples

"Trixie has just one question."

Twilight finished nibbling on a fruity morsel. She sighed, then smiled tiredly at her from across the picnic spread. "And just what is that, Trixie?"

"Why do you and all of your friends like apples so much, Sparkle?"

Everypony froze where they sat.

Pinkie Pie blinked, her eyes wide.

Rarity squirmed on her velvet cushion.

Applejack tilted her hat back. "Erm..." She polished what remained of an apple in the crook of her fetlock. "Is this mare for real, or...?"

"Trixie simply doesn't get it." The unicorn's muzzle scrunched. "I mean, apples are fine and all, but whenever Trixie would travel, she would get by on oats and hay smoothies all the same."

Applejack opened her mouth to retort—

"I think it's mainly a Ponyvillean thing," Fluttershy spoke up. She glanced aside at Applejack, all the while speaking to Trixie. "Our town owes its existence to the growth and spread of apples, after all. It's more than a matter of taste with us. It's part of who we are."

"Hmmmm..." Trixie clenched her jaw. "That's skirting awfully close to a cannibalistic metaphor, Trixie thinks."

"Now you're just talking crazy, darling." Rarity chuckled daintily. "Not that I don't mind a teensy bit of excitement in picnic discourse, but..."

"Think of it this way!" Pinkie chirped. "If we were all about lemons, then Ponyville would be a real Frowny-Town!" She stuck her tongue out. "That'd make my job all the harder!"

"I dunno, Pinkie." Rainbow Dash smirked while swirling a mug of cider. "Sounds like something of a challenge for you."

"Hehehe! You're right!"

"Heh heh heh..."

Applejack smirked. "I dun think 'bout it much, but... reckon it would be easy to get sick of apples. I mean... after buckin' them and pluckin' them and chompin' on them my whole life."

"Well, it'd only be natural," Twilight said with a shrug.

"But... it's hard to explain." Applejack brushed her bangs back beneath her hat. "It's more than food. It's a way of life... and my family's livelihood. I can't imagine a life without apples."

"Nor should you," Trixie said. She tilted her nose up. "Trixie was merely curious."

"Ain't no thang." Applejack waved a hoof. She stared suddenly past the group, beyond the woods that surrounded the clearing. "Y'know, this town was almost just as full of oranges as it was apples."

"Really?" Twilight asked.

Rainbow looked over, blinking.

"Yes. Reckon that... that..." Applejack blinked, and she winced slightly. "... ... ...eh... never mind. Ain't that important."

Rainbow bit her lip.

"Well, if you say so, Applejack," Fluttershy remarked. "But I think any story that you or Big Mac have to share is precious."

"Hmmmm... well, in that case." Applejack smirked. "Did I ever tell y'all about the time I won a blue ribbon at a rodeo during a hailstorm?"

"Oooooooooh!" Pinkie rolled upside down, munching on a bag of trail mix. "Mrmmmfff... do tell! Do tell!"

"It was a plum foolish thang, seein' as dark thunderclouds were rollin' over Dodge's Junction and not only did we see 'em, but most of the ponies in attendance had headed home to avoid the weather..."

Rainbow Dash watched Applejack. Despite the tall-tale being told, she let loose a deep sigh, then took a lengthy sip of her cider.

...Because She Was Dreaming of Freckles!

"What would you say about pitchin' tents soon, gals?" Applejack asked.

The rest of the mares glanced back.

"In a hurry to get some shuteye, Applejack?" Rarity asked coyly.

"Eh... I'm good to go for hours." Applejack smiled back. "Just, if I know anythang about camping—"

"And she doessssssss!" Pinkie cooed, cartwheeling past the cart.

"Ahem..." Applejack waved a hoof at the darkening sky. "Them stars will be peeking over our heads sooner than a baby chick hatches at feedin' time! Best to get thangs set up so we dun start freezin' in our horsehoes. Ya feel me?"

"Trixie agrees the apple horse," Trixie said. "After all, Trixie knows a thing or two about freezing."

"Awwwww..." Fluttershy's ears folded back. "You do?"

"It was a long time before Trixie was able to find shelter to replaced Trixie's smashed wagon."

"Well, you're not going to freeze tonight," Twilight said, patting Trixie's shoulder. "This is a time for relaxation. Comfort."

"Mmmmmf..." Rarity sighed out her nostrils. "It's a crying shame we can't afford luxury out here as well."

"Oh Rarity. Don't be silly!" Fluttershy cooed, hugging herself as she hovered in midair. "You've never felt true comfort until you've buried yourself neck-deep beneath a thick sheet of crushed leaves and pine needles! The crickets fill your ears with song and you drift away in the currents of your own body heat."

"... ... ..." Rarity cleared her throat. "Well, now I know that I won't be sharing Fluttershy's tent."

"Buh?"

"First thing's first," Twilight spoke. "We need somepony to go scout out a good place to stay for the night."

"Oh!" Fluttershy eagerly waved her hoof. "I'll do that!" A soft grin. "All my badger and bear friends have taught me the fine art of thicket-finding!"

"Great! You go and scout, Flutters," Twilight said pointing skyward.

"Aye, Unicorn. My unicorn!" Fluttershy giggled as she flew off over the treetops.

"Some firewood would be great," Trixie said. "Then again, Trixie is no camping expert!"

"Oooh!" Pinkie leaned in. "Rarity didn't finish the licorice bars in her trail mix! Perhaps we could throw those on the fire!"

"I avoided those for a reason, Pinkie," Rarity murmured. "I'm not the biggest fan of the stuff—especially if it's burning."

"Awwww... but how come you once said you loved it so much?"

"I said I love lavender, and that's a fragrance."

"Lavenders are tasty too!"

"Mrrrnnngh... Twilight? Firewood?"

"Don't y'all sweat," Applejack said with a chuckle. "Once Fluttershy finds us a place to hunker down, I'll go off and fetch some suitable twigs."

"Nah. Don't bother." Rainbow flapped her wings, zooming past the group. "I've got this."

"It's okay, sugarcube. You've been working super hard lately—what with all of the cloud kickin' and deliverin' and tornado cookin'. Let me grab some firewood!"

"Girl, you've been... like... pulling the darn cart all friggin' afternoon!" Rainbow gestured with a smirk. "Let me go grab the firewood! I'll do it super quick and you know it."

"Heh..." Applejack tilted her hat in mid-trot. "Very well. If it makes ya happy."

Rainbow Dash smiled, flying backwards. "It totally does, AJ," she said.

Applejack smiled.

Rainbow Dash smiled back—Thap!—she flew back into a pine tree. "Ow! Darn it!"

"Heehee!" Pinkie pointed. "Watch out for sap, ya sap!"

"Hey!" Rainbow brushed her bangs back. "I'm cool!" She lowered her hoof, only for her fetlock to lock in place—sticking to her mane by a thick layer of tree sap. "Mmmmf—fnnghh..." She struggled, blinked, then groaned. "Unnnngh..."

"You alright, sugarcube?"

"Hah! Never better!" Rainbow gritted her teeth, pulled, and—POP!—freed her fetlock, losing only a few prismatic strands in the process. "Now if you excuse me. I gotta... uhm... get wood." And she flew off.

"Hmmmm..." Pinkie tapped her chin. "...hold on... conjuring a joke just after hearing that..."

"Fehhhh..." Applejack dragged the wagon briskly past her. "Keep it to yerself and the licorice, girl."

"I got it!" Pinkie grinned hopping after the group. "Why couldn't the pegasus fly right after waking up...?"

Fire Starters

Rainbow Dash dove through the trees—a more and more challenging prospect with the darkening advent of night. Nevertheless, with dutiful grace, she scooped up one twig after another. She cradled the larger branches in the crook of her forelimbs, then piled the smaller slivers of wood on top of that. Soon, the mare had enough kindling to make a decent blaze with. Between deep breaths, Rainbow mentally thanked her lucky stars for the medicine and the job it was doing on her otherwise stubborn limbs.

Just when she felt she had enough to return to the group with, she spun around—running into Fluttershy's smiling face.

"Hi Rainbow—"

"Gah!" Rainbow flinched.

"Aaackies!" Fluttershy flinched even harder.

Rainbow dropped half her sticks. Holding her breath, she dove down, jerked left and right, and caught each falling piece of wood with incredible finesse. Once she had everything in her grasp again, she exhaled.

"Uhm... n-nice catch," Fluttershy said with a nervous smile.

"Yeesh. What's the big deal, Fluttershy?" Rainbow hovered until she was even level with the other pegasus. "Are you trying to raise my Skittish Level or something?"

"I didn't mean to do anything like that, Rainbow," Fluttershy said. "Honest."

"I thought you were supposed to finding us a place to camp."

"And I did. Twilight and Applejack and the others are settling there now."

"Ah jeez, they are?" Rainbow winced. "How long have I been wasting time at this?"

"You've not been wasting time."

"Ugh... I'm making them wait on their freezing butts. I knew I was overdoing it."

"Rainbow... it's okay. Everypony's fine." Fluttershy waved her forelimbs. "I just came here to check up on you because... I felt like it."

Rainbow gulped. "Still, we should get back to them with this stuff."

Fluttershy held her hooves out. "Lemme carry some of them for you."

"I've got it, Flutters."

Fluttershy smiled. "Rainbowwww..."

"Nnnnghhhh..." Rainbow rolled her eyes... then finally relented. She dropped a few sticks into Fluttershy's grasp. Together, both pegasi evened the load, then drifted southeast towards a clearing where a wagon and five ponies were parked.

"So... uhm..." Fluttershy struggled to keep up with Rainbow's flight. "How is it going so far?"

"Well, I took super long in grabbing the firewood," Rainbow muttered. She slowed slightly for Fluttershy's sake. "But it's good firewood, I guess."

"Well, that's nice, Rainbow. But what I mean is the trip."

"Eh... really tranquil? I dunno. No complaints."

"... ... ...how was it like to chat with Applejack earlier?"

Rainbow grumbled.

"Rainbow...?"

"What are you now, my shrink?"

Fluttershy giggled. "I'm your friend, Rainbow. And I just want to know that you're getting something good out of this trip." She winked. "And it seemed to me that you and AJ were having some good quality time together."

Rainbow exhaled slowly. A slight smile graced her lips. "Yeah. We hit it off well. Talked about kicking flank and enjoying it."

"Hmmmm..." Fluttershy nodded. "I'll take your word for it."

But then, Rainbow's smile faded. "But... y'know... nothing special."

"Oh?" Fluttershy blinked. "What makes you say that?"

"Just 'cuz... it wasn't!" Rainbow hugged the firewood to her chest despite the splintery texture. "I mean... she could just as well have been talking to a long lost cousin or some random neighbor in Ponyville."

"Nopony randomly elects to share their heartfelt secrets at the drop of a bit, Rainbow," Fluttershy said. "Good friend or not, some things can't be forced."

"It's not that. Or... maybe it is. I dunno." Rainbow rolled her eyes and sighed. "Thing is, Applejack already has a confidant she can trust." Her nostrils flared. "And he's not here."

"Huh?"

"Look, I don't wanna get into too much detail. But... like... remember earlier when Applejack was about to get into detail about how Sweet Apple Acres almost had a bunch of orange crops? But then she backtracked?"

"Hmmmm..."

"You remember that?"

Fluttershy adjusted the weight of the firewood in her grasp. "It did strike me as somewhat... peculiar."

"Yeah, well, she didn't feel like telling us what the deal is with that. But she has told Stu."

"Stu?" Fluttershy blinked. "Stu Leaves?"

"No, Stu the Baker. Who else do you think, Fluttershy?!"

"I-I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash!" Fluttershy winced. "I didn't mean to offend anypony!"

"Guhhhh..." Rainbow clenched her eyes shut in mid-flight.

"How do you even know she's confided so much in Stu?"

"Doesn't matter. I won't go into it." Rainbow's eyes reopened, glossy, reflecting the clearing ahead beyond the trees. "Fact is, Stu Leaves—for whatever reason—has such a solid place in... in her heart, Fluttershy."

"Uh huh..."

"I mean... what's the point of even comparing myself to that?!" Rainbow grimaced. "No matter how buddy-buddy AJ and I get on this trip, he'll still have her heart grasped in his... gnnngh... lame feathertips."

Fluttershy smiled. "Aren't you overreacting a bit?"

"Gnnngh... no."

"Rainbow Dash—"

"The moment he appeared right before we set off on the hike nearly gave me a friggin' heart attack."

"Rainbow, maybe you're going about this a bit wrong."

Rainbow flashed her an angry look. "Oh yeah?"

Fluttershy gazed calmly at her. "You want to remember what it's like to be a good friend for Applejack, yes?"

"Totally."

Fluttershy breathed. "Then I believe you need to eliminate Stu Leaves from your mind."

"Pfft! How?!?!"

"Being a friend to Applejack is not a sport. As far as you should be concerned, the only gold medal in this venture is her happiness... and the trust that the two of you share."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that—as much as you like to win—you need to stop looking at this as a competition." Fluttershy's eyes narrowed. "Because if you're doing all of this just to spite Stu Leaves, then you need to reevaluate the reason why you're even here. After all, Stu Leaves is a very important aspect of Applejack's life now." She blinked. "Do you really want to take away something so precious from AJ?"

Rainbow grimaced, her ears folding back.

"Especially if it would make her unhappy?"

Rainbow paused in midair. She shuddered. "But..." Rainbow gulped. "What... wh-what if Stu isn't good enough for AJ?"

Fluttershy stopped to face her. "And that's a valid concern of yours." She smiled. "And as Applejack's friend, you have every right to feel that way."

Rainbow dared to look up at Fluttershy. She bit her lip, then pronounced: "But..."

Fluttershy nodded. "But... if that is your concern, then you need to share that with Applejack. She's a pony who values honesty above all else. So... treat her with respect, just as she treats us all with respect."

"And... and what if the honest truth is that..." Rainbow gulped. "...she wants Stu Leaves to inhabit such an important spot in her life? You saw them nuzzling earlier."

Fluttershy sighed. She gazed at the clearing as she spoke. "We both know how you truly feel, Rainbow Dash. But the reason why this trip began is because you came to me, saying that you wanted to be a better friend to Applejack. And being a good friend... means compromises."

"What are you saying, Flutters?"

"You're not a child, Rainbow. I don't need to explain it to you."

Rainbow Dash clenched her jaws.

Fluttershy leaned in to nuzzle her gently. "More than anything, I want you to be happy. Ask yourself, Rainbow... would you really be happy if you were willfully ignoring Applejack's happiness?"

Rainbow hung her head.

"Maybe this thing with Stu Leaves is just a phase. Maybe they're just really good friends, but on the outside they look like something more." Fluttershy shrugged. "Who knows? But there's a way to find out."

"Applejack..."

Fluttershy nodded. "You're a brave pony, Rainbow Dash. I know you have it within you to confront what you fear with Applejack. It may not be pleasant, but the two of you have so much invested in one another that it would be truly... truly terrible if either one of you allowed something like this to make you drift apart. Be there for her, Rainbow. Be her friend."

"And..." Rainbow gulped. "...if the truth was to come out?"

"Then let it," Fluttershy said. "You're as awesome as awesome gets, Rainbow Dash." A deep breath. "But, as your friend, I would really... really like to see you live again."

Rainbow said nothing.

"Now..." Fluttershy leaned in once more with a smile. "No sense staying aloof and cold." She motioned towards the clearing. "Our friends are waiting. Let's start a fire."

"Yeah..." Rainbow nodded with a shudder. "Let's..."

Are You Afraid of the Dash?

Rainbow Dash sat on a log, gazing gently into the crackling fire. Her ears tickled with the sound of crickets. But—even closer than that:

"And that's when the filly realized..." Twilight Sparkle's eyes flared across the blaze as she waved her forelimbs dramatically. "...she had arrived at her homeroom class without a protractor!"

"Aaa-aaa-aaaaugh!" Pinkie Pie shrieked, diving behind a log.

The rest of the group sat in silence.

"What?" Twilight blinked. "That's... really really horrifying! Don't you think?"

"Uhhhh..." Fluttershy fidgeted.

"Erm..." Rarity nibbled on a marshmallow.

"I-I dunno, Twilight." Applejack smiled bashfully. "I just dun think that... Magic Kindergarten is the right kind of setting for a teeth-chatterin' horror story."

"But... but the filly won't have the proper tools to brush up on her geometry!" Twilight Sparkle's bangs popped a hair or two loose. "She m-might fail a pop quiz! Her... her grade point average could lower by a quarter of a decimal!"

"Even still." Applejack shrugged. "Nopony's bein'... y'know... chased into a frozen lake or hacked to bloody bits or baked into cupcakes. I mean... none of the classics!"

"Trixie told Sparkle." Trixie tilted her nose up. "Real life doesn't translate to horror."

"Wait..." Fluttershy squinted. "You mean you were that little filly who forgot the protractor?"

Twilight curled her forelimbs together, blushing. "Maybe..." Clearing her throat, she pointed. "Anyways, at least Pinkie thought it was scary!" A smirk. "Didn't you, Pinkie?"

"Huh? What?" Pinkie stuck her head out, then smiled bashfully. "Oh, no. I-I had just realized we were out of peanuts." She held an empty can upside down, shaking it. "Oh well!" She tossed the can into a bag and pulled out a brightly-colored box. "Who's for gummy treats instead? These are princess themed! See? Here's a tiara. This here's a stagecoach. This one's a rosebud—no wait, that's another tiara..."

"Eughhhh..." Twilight leaned her hoof on her chin, glaring into the fire. "Well, fine. Let's see one of you come up with a scarier story!"

"Ahem..." Trixie held a hoof over her chest. "Trixie has got one!"

"... ... ...anypony else?" Twilight droned.

"Hey!" Trixie pouted, blue cheeks puffing.

"Heh..." Applejack smirked. "I bet Rainbow Dash has a real spine-tingler."

"Hmmm?" Rainbow looked up. "What?"

"Oh, yes!" Rarity clapped her hooves together while floating the marshmallows. "Rainbow's tall tales are always tantalizingly dreadful!"

"Y'all remember that one story she told about the skin eaters?" Applejack smirked.

"Uhm..." Fluttershy gulped, shivering slightly. "N-no."

"Oh! I do!" Rarity clenched her teeth together. "It gave me nightmares for weeks."

"See what I mean!" Applejack said.

"The way that poor damsel tore her fabulous prom dress while on the run from the monster in the woods!"

"Guhhh..." Applejack face-hoofed, then squinted across the way at Rainbow. "How 'bout it, sugarcube? Can ya save this campfire?"

"I... uh... I dunno..." Rainbow Dash stirred.

"Pffft! What are ya talkin' about, RD?" Applejack smirked. "You can come up with some of the most horrible ideas imaginable!" She winced slightly. "Erm... I mean in a creative way."

"Pffft... sure..." Rainbow stifled a sigh. "It's just that..." She shook her head. "I guess... nothing really scares me much anymore."

Fluttershy blinked.

"Huh?" Twilight craned her head. She chuckled. "Rainbow, we know you're the bravest pony there is. But come on. Nopony can be absolutely fearless."

"I didn't say I was fearless. Just..." Rainbow exhaled heavily. "Meh. You're all better off picking somepony else."

"Awwwwwwwwwww..." Pinkie cooed before stuffing her mouth with candied silver slippers.

Fluttershy opened her muzzle to say something—

"Now now, Rainbow..." Applejack smiled. "I know for a fact that t'ain't nopony better than you when it comes to excitin' a crowd. So what if it doesn't freak you out? You live such an amazin'... awesome life that whatever tickles you must tear others to shreds."

Rainbow blinked. She looked across the flame. "You... really think so?"

Applejack's freckles glistened in the firelight as she smiled. "Darlin', I know so." She winked. "So why dun ya give it a shot? This night is just beggin' for some tail-shakin' spooks."

"Heehee..." Rarity nodded. "Yes, darling, do go on."

"Uhm..." Fluttershy smiled nervously. "Just don't be offended if... s-some of us start hiding under our sleeping bags." She added a wink.

Rainbow saw it. Her ears folded back as she smiled. That smile turned into a devilish smirk. "Well then..." Cracking her joints, the mare sat on the edge of her log. "Have I ever told you girls about the foolish pegasus... who wandered into a basilisk's lair and almost became part of a living chess game?"

From Miles Away

"Hah!" Pinkie grinned wide. "I knew it! Light was their biggest weakness!"

"That's what they get for bullying those poor hippopotamuses," Rarity said.

"Buffalo," Rainbow Dash corrected.

"Whatever."

"Whew! Real whizz-banger right there!" Applejack smirked, tilting her hat back. "And I wasn't even scared! Heh!"

"Mmmmmm..." Fluttershy squatted in a little yellow ball, covering her eyes with her wingfeathers. "Sp-speak for y-yourself..."

"Awwwwww..." Pinkie leaned in to nuzzle her. "It's okay, Flutters! We're a long... long way from Tartarus or anyplace else where basilisks might roam!"

Fluttershy exhaled, peeking out of her wings with a nervous smile. "Well... I-I suppose you do have a p-point..."

"Although..." Pinkie tapped her scrunching muzzle. "If one of them did show up spontaneously out of the blue, exposing your eyes like you are right now would be the quickest way to turn to stone!"

"Eeep!" Fluttershy buried her face in Pinkie's fluffy mane. "Don't say th-that!" She quivered. "I-I prefer the lions, tigers, and manticores!"

"Ugh... Fluttershy..." Rainbow rolled her eyes with a smirk. "Sometimes, no matter what awesome things you say or do, you're still you."

"Uhm..." Fluttershy peeked out from beneath Pinkie's head fuzz. "It's a habit I'm d-dying to kick."

"Baby steps, girl." Rainbow winked.

Fluttershy nervously smiled back.

"Duaaaaaaah..." Trixie yawned, blinking dazedly up at the sky. "Trixie is beyond sleepy." Her ears twitched. "Trixie thinks she sees shining lights."

"There's a reason for that, sugarcube," Applejack said.

"Awwwwwwwwww..." Fluttershy cooed, her eyes trailing golden lights in the air. "Lightning bugs." A soft sigh. "That instantly makes me feel better."

"Hehehe." Pinkie nuzzled Fluttershy and helped her onto her hooves. "How 'bout we hit the hay, ol' Shy ol' pal?"

"Darn tootin'." Applejack stifled a yawn and threw a mound of dirt over the already-dying campfire. In wake of the ashes being extinguished, brief flashes of insectoid illuminescence streaked over their faces and manes. "Better get up bright'n'early for a fresh hike!"

"So long as we have plenty of time for beauty sleep." Rarity lit her horn, illuminating the path to her tent. "Twilight? Miss Lulamoon?" She motioned along with a dainty hoof. "Come, come. Unicorn tent ahoy."

"Mmmmmmm..." Trixie yawned, fuzzy and fuzzier. "Give Trixie a moment to... mfnnghhll..." She teetered, eyelids heavy. "...round up the stubborn sheep..."

Twilight rolled her eyes with a sigh. "Come on, apprentice." She smirked, leading Trixie gently by the hoof. "Time to experiment with REM sleep."

"Mmmmffff..." Trixie leaned on her as the two hobbled after Rarity. "Nini... Mareami Sparkle Machine... phweeeeeee..."

"Nighty night!" Pinkie chirped across the clearing. "Don't let the freaky butt glowing arthropods bite!"

Rainbow Dash yawned. Blinking, she hovered into a tent erected on the far end of the clearing. The mare touched down, grasped a sleeping bag, and swiftly unrolled it. Just as she was preparing to zip the thing open, she heard a set of heavy hoofsteps entering behind.

"Mrmmmfff..." Without looking, Rainbow spoke, "Sorry if the story freaked you out, Fluttershy. With how... y'know... assertive you've become as of late, I kinda sorta forget that scary tales can still get to you."

"Fluttershy's hittin' the sack with Pinkie Pie, sugarcube."

"... ... ..." Rainbow's eyes twitched—followed by her ears. She slowly turned around, gasped, then spun back to face her saddlebag with a frozen grimace.

"Mrmmmfff..." Applejack paused to rub her eyes. She stood above her sleeping bag, blinking at Rainbow Dash. "Somethin' the matter, darlin'?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash shook... shivered. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhm..."

"Heh... lemme guess." Applejack's freckles glistened in the starlight peeking into the tent. "Ya make frequent trips to the woods at night. Well, you can sleep closer to the tent flap if ya like—"

"No. No, it's n-not that, it's... uhm..."

"What, darlin'?"

Rainbow turned. She squinted through the tent flap and at the other side of the clearing. Pinkie Pie bounced into her tent. Fluttershy followed shortly behind—but not without stealing a glance back at Rainbow Dash. A blink... and the pegasus smiled briefly before disappearing.

Rainbow exhaled. "Nothing. I just... uhm..." Rainbow squeaked. "I-I'm kind of a restless sleeper."

"Ya toss and turn, huh?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, ain't no thang." Applejack yawned as she rolled her mat out. "I mean... ain't like we're sharin' a sleeping bag, right? Heheheh."

"Right..." Rainbow's voice cracked. "That would suck..."

Yawning Ponies Syndrome

"Hrmmmm... hmmm-heheheh... heh heh heh heh..." Applejack chuckled... then chuckled some more—nearly guffawing.

Rainbow Dash shivered under her sleeping bag, facing away from the other mare. The muddled laughter certainly wasn't helping. "Erm... what..." She gulped, then spoke in a firmer tone. "What's so funny?"

"Just... y'know... that tale you told earlier about the monster's chess game. Y'know... with the basilisk?"

"Errr..." Rainbow clenched her teeth to keep from chattering. "What about it?"

"I mean, I know it was supposed to be scary'n'all. I mean, it was scary, but I couldn't help but snicker at one thang or another."

"Like what?"

"Well, yer story had buffalo being preyed upon. Buffalo who lived in the mountains. And... y'know... that's purdy dang funny. Heh... cuz Fancy Pants and I have been makin' a profit off of sellin' a whole heap'o'apples to mountain buffalo for months now."

"Hah hah hah hah..." Rainbow gulped, hugging herself tighter under the sleeping bag. "Imagine that."

"Just funny how art imitates life. Or maybe it's the other way around? Meh... I dunno." A beat. "Rainbow? Are ya... are ya cold or somethin', sugarcube?"

"Huh? What? Me? Cold?" Rainbow giggle-wheezed, then curled up even more. "I'mjustfineokaythanks."

"Well you did forget to close the tent flap, ya silly varmint."

"Oh... uhm..." Rainbow Dash fidgeted. She tried slithering out of the sleeping bag, but a pair of stiff wings kept blocking the tiny exit afforded by the zipper. "Guhhh..."

"Heh. Dun you fret." Stifling a yawn, Applejack padded across the tight space. She stepped over Rainbow Dash, reaching for the zipper. "I got it, darlin'."

"Duaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah..." Rainbow's eyes twitched, staring straight up at Applejack's belly. "Yes you do."

"Mrmmfff..." Zzzzzzzzzzzzip! "There we go. Tighter than a... a... frog canoe at... sugar... cane...?" She yawned, then grumbled. "Meh. Too tired for countryisms."

"I'm not complaining."

"Heh. Course not." Applejack crawled back over Rainbow's bag and returned to her own. Her drawling voice echoed against the snugly closed tent's walls. "I'm real darn lucky to have a bunch of gals who can tolerate how silly my words tend to get."

"Yes, well..." Rainbow Dash gulped. "Silly ponies are what silly ponies do." She blinked at that, then gnashed her teeth at her own idiocy.

"Hmmm... I rather like that phrase." Applejack turned around three times then laid down, drawing the bag over her. "Reckon I might..." A yawn. "...steal that."

Rainbow glanced over. She blinked. "You're not gonna take your hat off?"

"What?" A pair of emerald eyes flashed.

Rainbow bit her lip.

"... ... ..." Applejack blinked. "Oh... right... uhm... shucks." Applejack hesitated... hesitated some more... then finally stripped the article off. She very carefully placed it down on the floor—in the corner of the tent opposite of Rainbow Dash. "Spent all darn day pullin' a wagon. Guess I felt like I was still in work mode."

"I can help you with that, y'know."

"Nah, Rainbow..."

"For realsies. Tomorrow, let me pull the wagon."

"It's my pleasure. Honest, it is." Applejack's freckles curved in the moonlight. "I like bein' so dependable. Reckon you know what that feels like."

"Heh... sure thing."

"Good job grabbin' the firework this evenin'."

"Hehehe... what are you, now, my supervisor?"

"Hah! Celestia forbid! I'd make you wear an apple-printed apron!"

"Banner Guild could really use a mare like you. It'd shape up overnight."

"Awwww... that's nice of you to say'n'all, Sugarcube. But I'm only in it for the family business."

"Heheheh..."

"What?"

"If you said that in Manehattan, ponies might get the wrong idea."

"The hay is that supposed to mean?"

"Erm... ehhh... on second thought, forget it."

"Pffft... sure thang. Yowsers, Rainbow. Anypony ever tell you that yer a funny bedmate."

"... ... ..."

"Rainbow Dash?"

"Can we ramble on about something else, please?"

"Uhm... Apples?"

"Ungh... Applejack."

"Seriously! That's all I got!"

"You suck at lying."

"Hmmm... reckon so."

"Hehehe..."

Appleshucksery

"Oh hey..." Applejack pointed. "Look."

At last, Rainbow rolled over so that she was lying with her face up. "Hmmm?"

A half-dozen golden specks flitted across the canvas ceiling of the tent.

"Seems like a few of the lil' glowy fellas ended up in here when I closed the tent," Applejack said.

"Huh..." Rainbow blinked, stifling a yawn. "Want I should... shoo 'em out of here or something?"

"Naww..." Applejack exhaled. "They dun seem too freaked out or nothin'."

"Ya think?"

"Yeah. Just let 'em be." Applejack let loose an amused breath. "Besides... awful purdy to stare at."

Rainbow smirked. "You saying that 'cuz you mean it or 'cuz you're too sleepy to bother reopening the tent flap?"

"How 'bout a little of column A and a little bit of column B?"

"Sure. I'll buy that."

Both mares lay in separate sleeping bags, gazing up at the miniature light show illuminating the top of the tent.

Rainbow breathed evenly, snuggling up tighter beneath the fabric of her sleeping bag. Warmth embraced her, making the pegasus feel all calm and toasty inside. She hovered just a breath or two above dreaming, her ears alive with cricket song.

"I'm... gettin' some mighty vivid flashbacks," Applejack. "From when I was a lil' apple seed."

"Hmmmf..." Rainbow rubbed her eyes then murmured, "Did Granny Smith catch fireflies and let them loose in your bedroom?"

"Nah. I mean back when I stayed at Camp Friendship."

"Oh?"

"Reckon I had a night or two like this," Applejack said. "Sleepin' all snuggled up with the fireflies flittin' about."

"Sounds snazzy."

"It was," Applejack said. "One of the best thangs that I ever did as a young'n. Although it didn't quite..." She shifted where she lay. "Eh... never mind."

Rainbow looked over. "What?"

Applejack turned over, shoulders shrugging. "Ain't important."

"No, what?" Rainbow Dash blinked. "You can tell me, AJ."

"No need to fuss over stuff I didn't fuss over then."

"So?" Rainbow Dash gulped dryly. "I'm... I-I'm your friend, Applejack. You can tell me anything, y'know..."

Applejack turned and squinted at her.

Rainbow bore an earnest smile.

"Mrmmm..." Applejack glanced once more at the golden lights overhead. "Just that... even when I was a filly... I knew that the only reason I was sent to Camp Friendship was 'cuz Granny Smith felt I needed a distraction from... y'know... grievin' over Ma and Pa."

Rainbow bit her lip.

"But, truth was, I didn't need to be sent away from home. 'Cuz I didn't need to get my mind off of anythang. I mean... hay... bein' home is what made me feel... strong. Granny misunderstood why I ran back to Sweet Apple Acres after only a few weeks at Aunt and Uncle Orange's. She thought I was confused... in denial... all that nonsense." Applejack shrugged. "She since came to her senses, of course."

Rainbow nodded. "She must have been really... really worried for you."

"So was Big Mac too, I reckon. But..." Applejack sighed. "I showed them super quick how strong I was... how strong I wanted to be. Just by workin' on the farm."

"Do you regret that?" Rainbow asked.

A pair of green eyes flashed her way. "Huh?"

"Erm..." Rainbow grimaced. "Sorry. Bad question."

"Naw, nothin' like that." Applejack blinked. "I just dun quite understand it."

"Like... d-do you regret that you actively chose to become such a hard worker?" Rainbow asked, shrugging. "That that was how you were able to deal with whatever bad emotions you had over your folks... dying?"

"Only thang I regret is all the lil' fillies and colts I could have made friends with at that camp but didn't 'cuz the environment just wasn't what I needed at the time." Applejack chuckled dryly. "For... for years, Rainbow, I never made a single friend. Only acquaintances I had was through family. And that was mighty fine and all, but it meant that I didn't socialize much—unless it was Family Reunion, of course."

"That's crazy."

"Tell me about it. Reckon it wasn't until just recently that I started gettin' all buddy-buddy beyond... y'know... the apple buckin' business."

"It was Twilight, huh?"

"Heh... I mean... I knew Pinkie and Rarity beforehand. Even you."

Rainbow smirked.

"Some ponies think I spent all these years grievin'. I dun buy that one bit. I guess... I-I've just been plum serious about everythang for so long. I mean... could that be the same?" A pair of eyes darted Rainbow's way again. "Could a pony be sad and not even know it?"

"You don't strike me as a sad pony."

"Really?"

"... ... ...yes, AJ." Rainbow smirked. "Really." She gulped. "I think... I know that you're one of the most sympathetic, encouraging, heartstrong ponies there is."

"Heh... good." Applejack exhaled. "Cuz I do feel it."

"Mmmmm..." Rainbow leaned her head deeper into her sleeping bag. "All consequences of being best pony."

"Awwwwwwww shucks."

Rainbow squinted. "I didn't say awesomest pony."

"Hahahahaha..."

I Know You I Trotted With You Once Upon a Dash

"Rainbow Dash..."

Her eyes fluttered open. A blink, and she sat up in a breathless stupor.

"Rainbow Daaaaaaaaaaaash..." The voice wafted over the clouds.

Rainbow looked from side to side.

The misty beds of Cloudsdale undulated with a shifting wind. In the far distance, a series of pegasus columns raised a pale gazebo made out of cloud stone above the fluffy drifts. A golden figure stood in the center of the platform. Rainbow could taste the glimmer of her freckles from afar.

"Sugarcuuuuuube..."

Rainbow's fuzzy ears twitched. "Don't have to tell me twice." She flew forward without flapping her wings.

The heavens corkscrewed over and over while Rainbow Dash floated to her destination. At last, she landed on the lower steps of the gazebo. She took one pensive step after another, ascending the circular staircase until she stood at even level with the blonde goddess in a flowing red robe.

Applejack gazed at her. There was love in her eyes and flowers in her mane.

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow Dash shivered. Gulped. "AJ...?"

Applejack sighed. With a calm smile, she answered in Rainbow Dash's voice: "Think again."

Rainbow's ears folded back. "Mrmmmfff... figures."

Applejack's voice cracked with giggles.

Rainbow Dash plopped down on her hooves. "Shoulda known this was a dream."

The rainbow-voiced farm mare brushed her yellow bangs back. "What was your first clue?"

"I dunno." Rainbow glanced aside. "Maybe the fact that the shadow of Epcot is riding a dolphin into an exploding cider factory over there."

"Excelsiorrrrrrrrr—" KABOOOOOM!

Applejack winced, rubbing her ears. "Do our dreams have to have such loud sound effects?"

"Hey." Rainbow shrugged. "It's no stranger than real life."

"Heehee..."

"Do you suppose this is Epcot's subconscious act of jealousy?"

"Huh?" Applejack asked.

"Y'know... for me calling Applejack 'best pony.'"

"Oh..." Applejack twirled her skirt. "I don't think she'd mind in the least."

"Heh. Good point. Still..." Rainbow Dash rolled over and laid on her back across the gazebo. "This is an improvement."

"Over our usual dreams?" Applejack belched, cracked her joints, and laid down next to the pegasus. "Pffft. Totally."

"Can't count how many times that I've failed the Wonderbolts tryouts."

"Or kicked a cloud apart to find dad's body lying in the center of it."

"Eeugh..." Rainbow Dash shuddered. "There's an old chestnut."

"Still..." Applejack shrugged, playfully kicking at the air with her hooves. "I'm pretty impressed with how well we can keep our cool when we get lucid."

"Pffft... what's so difficult about it?" Rainbow gazed at the stars peeking through the cloud cover. "Most ponies wanna achieve lucid dreaming so they can fly. Pffft... that's like a downgrade for me!"

"Well?" Applejack smirked devilishly, gazing at Rainbow upside down as she fluffed her mane. "How do you feel about this?"

Rainbow smirked. "You know how I feel about it."

"Still, it totally begs the question."

"Why I'm dreaming this up and not some stupid anxiety bomb?"

"Right."

"Probably 'cuz I'm sharing the tent with you-know-who."

"Omigoshomigoshomigosh!" Applejack cooed, squishing her freckled cheeks. "I totally am!"

"I wonder if this is what it would feel like."

"You mean to sleep in the same room—er... tent as her everyday?"

"Yeah..."

Applejack sighed. "If only life could always be so awesome."

"It's awesome enough, don't you think?"

"Why? Because I'm her friend?"

"And that seems to make AJ happy," Rainbow Dash said. "And... I-I like it when AJ is happy."

"Then why I am I not happy all the time?"

Rainbow bit her lip. "Yeah. I guess... th-there'll always be that one regret."

"Forever and ever?" Applejack snorted. "Most uncool."

"Yeah. But... will I ever be the same without the regret?"

"AJ will always be the same. Isn't that enough?"

"I'm just... n-not sure I want to lose what I have."

Applejack looked over. "And what do you have?"

Rainbow hugged herself. "Love." A gulp. "The craziest... stupidest... awesomest love." She grimaced. "Settling for friendship is like... purposefully aiming to come in second." She sighed, closing her eyes. "And I hate losing."

"But if Applejack is guaranteed to be winning—"

"I know." Rainbow Dash sniffled. "I just wish I felt it as much as I knew it."

"Then I guess you should enjoy it while it lasts," Applejack said. "Before you lose it."

Rainbow Dash turned towards her. She smiled, her mane billowing in a sudden, brisk wind. "I love you, AJ. I love you so friggin' much." She exhaled with a happy flutter to her heart. "And, more than anything, I wish I—"

Applejack's teeth glinted while the world drew dark around her. "Don't say it out loud."

Rainbow's eyes widened. The mare gasped, and then...

Glugalong

...Rainbow Dash flung her hooves over her muzzle. She awoke in a fright, eyes twitching. She looked left and right, staring at the sunlit lengths of the tent. The crickets were all silent—replaced by the chirps of waking songbirds in the crisp morning air.

All was still... and peaceful.

Then something tiny flew down and perched on Rainbow's fetlocks.

The mare's eyes focused on it.

A lightning bug gazed back, antennae twitching. Its wings flexed, and there was a brief pulse of yellow light from its abdomen. Then—just as softly as it had landed—the insect took off again, zooming out the blinding-white open entrance to the tent.

Rainbow squinted. She stirred, stretching her fuzzy limbs. At last, she slid out of the comfy confines of the sleeping bag and crawled onto all four hooves. Teetering, Rainbow reached up and rubbed her fuzzy muzzle a few times, blinking her eyes until the world stopped stabbing her retinae so painfully. There was a tiny flicker of orange flame outside—and standing beside it was another orange shape... and a beautiful one at that.

"Ermmm... uhh..." Rainbow Dash stepped out—only to trip on the lid of the tent. "Gaah!" She flapped her wings to balance herself, ultimately hovering in place. "Whew."

"Hmmm?" Applejack looked over her flank. "Oh! Mornin', sugarcube!" Tilting her hat forward, Applejack returned to shaking a skillet over the crackling flame. "Hope ya like hashbrowns! Figured I'd make a hoof-lickin' good breakfast for the gals to start the day."

"You... uhm..." Rainbow blinked tiredly. "...you're up this early?"

"Well... yeah." Applejack chuckled breathily. "I do live on a farm, remember?"

"Oh right." Rainbow stifled a yawn. "Apples."

"Heheh... eeyup. That's right, Rainbow." Applejack smirked. "Apples."

"That's... uhm... super nice of you..."

"My pleasure, darlin'." Applejack sighed. "Actually, I find it mighty refreshin'."

"How so?"

"I'm used to makin' breakfast for the same three family members ever mornin'! One of them's a finicky little varmint, one's a big ol' hungry horse, and the third one can't even use her teeth no more! Hah! If it weren't for a hearty selection of apples to slice and bake and mash every day, I'd have lost my mind ages ago!"

"Yeesh..."

"Tell me about it! Whew! But fixin' somethin' up for you girls?" Applejack chuckled. "It's a nice change of pace. And Pinkie Pie's frying pan here is comin' in handy!"

"Do you... need any help with that?"

"Uhhhhh..." Applejack smiled over her shoulder. "You dun exactly strike me as the cooking type, Rainbow."

Rainbow bit her lip. "Guilty as charged."

Applejack gestured at one of the logs encircling the fire. "Just have yerself a squat and relax. There's some apple juice in the jug over yonder."

"Heh..." Rainbow trotted over as instructed. "Guess it's too early for cider."

"Reckon there are worse habits in the world."

"Well that's reassuring," Rainbow droned. She sat down—but instantly fidgeted. "Ermm... AJ?"

"Hmmm?" Applejack paused to pick up a canteen of water, sipping from it. "What is it, Rainbow?"

"I... You... that is..." Rainbow finally took a bold breath and spat: "You didn't by chance hear me talking in my sleep, did you?"

Applejack finished sipping. She looked over, brow furrowed. "Beg yer pardon?"

Rainbow blinked. "Er..."

"Talkin' in yer sleep?" Applejack blinked. "Like... what about?"

Rainbow Dash looked at Applejack.

Applejack looked at Rainbow Dash.

"Heh... heheheheh..." Rainbow Dash wheezed.

Applejack chuckled. "Heheheheheh..."

"Heeheeheehee!" Rainbow Dash hugged herself.

Applejack slapped her knee. "Hahahahahah! Whew..." She sighed, then blinked. "... ... ...what are we laughin' about?"

"Beats me." Rainbow coughed. "Where's the apple juice again?"

"Over ther—"

"GLUG!GLUG!GLUG!" Rainbow glug'd.

H*A*S*H

H*A*S*H

"For crying out loud, Trixie!" Twilight pointed over her plate. "Eat already!"

"Mmmmm..." The other unicorn wriggled her muzzle anxiously above the steaming platter. "Trixie is... uncertain of this 'hash of browns.'"

"It's tasty. I promise you!" Twilight rolled her eyes. "I've never had anything from Applejack's cooking that tastes anything but scrumptious!"

"Awwwww shucks, Twilight..." Applejack tilted the edge of her hat forward from where she sat. "I expected to get red from this here trip, but only 'cuz of the sun."

"Twilight is quite right, Miss Lulamoon," Rarity said, delicately stabbing at the skillet-prepared hashbrowns with a levitating fork. "While it may be a tad bit unrefined, I assure you that these 'down-home country fixings' shan't do a thing to muddle your intestines."

"Uhhhhh... thanks, Rarity." Applejack smirked crookedly. "Nice to know I'm still receivin' compliments in stereo."

"Mmmmm-mmmmm!" Pinkie Pie finished her third plate, licking the crumbs off her muzzle. "Hey diddle diddle, thanks for the vittles!" She giggle-snorted. "You need to teach me how to make this stuff sometime, AJ!"

"Heh, sure thang, Pinkie! It's a family recipe."

"Well, too bad I'm not family, or else I'd have this ingrained in my fluffy head already!" She looked aside. "You digging the grub, Fluttershy?"

"Erm. Yes." Clearing her throat, Fluttershy looked up at the crowd. "Say... I was wondering..."

"Mmmmm?" Twilight took a sip of apple juice and glanced back at the pegasus. "What's on your mind, Fluttershy?"

"I hear there's a path that branches off on the way to Winsome Falls," Fluttershy said. "And it runs right by Fawn's Thicket."

"Heh..." Applejack smirked. "Fixin' to make a detour, Fluttershy?"

"Erm..." Fluttershy hid slightly behind a lock of mane hair. "Not if... if it makes us all late to our destination. I could just... fly here another time on my own, I suppose."

"Trixie believes that we have started early enough to make such a detour!" The mare in question tilted her chin up. "...assuming it will make Fluttershy happy."

"I dun have no problem with it." Applejack shrugged, then looked aside. "Twi?"

"Sounds fine to me! Rainbow?"

"Mmrmmfmfmfffuchuu?"

"Perfect!" Twilight Sparkle smiled across the campfire. "A stroll by Fawn's Thicket it is!"

"Oh! Oh wonderful!" Fluttershy's wingtips twirled in the air. "This is already such a wonderful day! Thank you, girls! Thank you so much."

"Think nothing of it, darling." Rarity winked. "I wouldn't mind seeing the sights myself."

Rainbow finished swallowing a bite of hash browns. "I don't get it. Why'd Twilight ask me after Applejack had asked her?"

"Isn't it obvious, Rainbow?" Rarity stifled a yawn. "You're an alpha mare."

"I... am...?"

"Well..." Rarity leaned back, blinking into open space. "In truth, that was just a gut response. But now that I put more thought into it..."

"What...?"

"Well, you haven't exactly been the same brash, brutish, in-your-face daredevil like you once were. Which, if you ask me, is an improvement."

"And just what is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, Rainbow. Applejack asked Twilight for her opinion on taking a detour, and then Twilight asked yours. So I guess that makes you..." She squinted, then smiled. "A gamma mare."

"Gamma mare?!"

"Mmmhmmm!" Rarity resumed forking through her food.

"But... but that sounds totally lame!"

"If you insist." Rarity giggled breathily. "Oh squeaky and petite one."

"What... you... that..." Rainbow Dash gnashed her teeth. "Rrrrrgh! I am not a gamma mare!"

"Horses for courses, darling."

"Rrrrgh! I swear! I'm so angry, I could... I could..." Rainbow Dash frowned, forking entire heaps of hash browns into her muzzle. "Scrawwlflfkffkffffggugrarrggkkkt!"

Flutter On to Fawn's Thicket

The morning hours rolled by.

The seven mares trekked leisurely uphill past thickening and thickening treelines.

Fluttershy hovered an inch above the ground, her voice joyful and triumphant: "Heee! Fawn's Thicket! Fawn's Thicket!" She grinned cheekishly into the bright air. "Oh... I wonder if I'll get to see a doe drinking at the side of a brook! Or maybe a bear practicing for hibernation! Or... or..." Her eyes sparkled. "Platypusessss!"

A dreamy sigh, and she turned to her side.

"Rainbow? Aren't you excited for Fawn's Thicket?"

"Eeeeeughhh..." Rainbow Dash limped on four legs, her belly sagging. "Too many hash brownsssss..."

"You should never eat angry," Fluttershy said, humming. "It's something my mother once taught me." A blink. "...my mother liked to drink."

"I'm not kidding," Rainbow grumbled. "My stomach is—like—sixty percent potato right now."

"At least your brain isn't!" Fluttershy coyly held a hoof over her muzzle. "Look at me. I made a funny."

"Mrmmmfff..."

The two strolled along in brief silence, until...

"Sooooo..." Fluttershy brushed her hooves across the ground while hovering. "...how was it like sleeping with Applejack?"

Rainbow glared daggers at her. "You're friggin' evil."

"Heeheehee..."

Rainbow nevertheless sighed. "It was... really nice, actually."

Fluttershy blinked, her features paling. "Ermmmm..." She gulped, then glanced aside at her friend. "Did... did you actually—"

"We had separate sleeping bags, Fluttershy. Jeez."

"Oh. Right. Of course."

"But... I slept pretty darn well," Rainbow muttered. "Like a friggin' baby, actually."

"I see." Fluttershy put on a gentle smile. "I suppose it goes to show that... when you're around what you love... it's not hard being at peace with yourself."

"... ... ..."

"Or... or am I flapping hot air into your ears—"

"That's pretty spot-on, actually," Rainbow muttered. "I mean... we laid down in the tent, watching lightning bugs and listening to the crickets. Then we just... chatted about random stuff... all friendly-like, y'know? Nothing heavy... nothing stupid. Just... chillaxing." She gulped. "As friends do."

"Almost makes you wonder why you never struck up the opportunity to be so relaxed before," Fluttershy said.

"... ... ...huh?" Rainbow squinted at her.

"I'm just saying..." She shrugged. "After all this time, drawing away from the rest of your friends because of one anxious thing or another—"

"I still know how to chillax, Fluttershy. You needn't worry about that."

"I didn't say I was worried." Fluttershy blinked at her. "But can you honestly say you've enjoyed nights as peaceful as last evening?"

Rainbow hung her head in mid-trot.

Fluttershy floated closer, patting Rainbow's shoulder. "Between you and me, I think you deserve no less."

"Mmmm... yeah, well..." Rainbow Dash lifted her head, gazing at the orange figure in the wagon ahead of them. "If that was true..." She gulped hard. "...then how come the only thing I can feel is her slipping away?"

Appledashery.ru

"Why do they call it a 'thicket,' anyway?" Pinkie Pie remarked, her muzzle scrunched. "Doesn't look any thicker than the other woods we've passed uphill!"

"Pinkie! Shhhh!" Twilight Sparkle pointed. "We've spotted something!"

"Trixie sees it," Trixie droned.

"Where?" Pinkie leaned her fluffy head in, blinking. "Where is it?"

"Over there," Trixie pointed. "Beyond the third row of bushes, besides the 'V'-shaped tree trunks."

"Where?" Pinkie squinted. "Behind the cougar?"

"It is the cougar," Twilight hissed. "Although, technically, it's a Central Equestrian Gray Backed Mountain Lion."

"Brown-backed," Fluttershy insisted. Her eyes sparkled from where she hovered. "And it's soooooooooo cute."

"Heh... well I'll be." Applejack smirked, leaning against the wagon as she stared into the wilderness beside the path. "I've had to chase a bobcat or two beyond the orchards, but nothin' like this!" She adjusted her hat. "It sure is purdy-lookin', but I'd rather them big cats stick to the high hills than come anywhere near Apple Bloom and Granny Smith, if ya ask me."

"Oh, Applejack, don't be silly." Fluttershy said, still bearing a dumb smile. "Cougars have no interest in hunting ponies."

"Even still." Applejack tossed her ponytail over the other side of her neck. "I ain't plannin' on bein' in its sights if the dang thing's starvin'."

"Trixie is certain that it gets enough sustenance from these woods," Trixie said.

"My my... look at the way it's moving. How peculiar." Rarity adjusted her sunglasses. "Pray tell, Fluttershy dear, what is the reason for such peculiar behavior."

"I believe it's marking its territory, Rarity."

"Marking its territory?" Rarity blinked. "With what, exactly?"

"Erm..." Fluttershy fidgeted.

"With its cat juices," Trixie droned.

Twilight face-hoofed.

Rarity blinked. She thought about that... stared left and right... thought about it some more... and finally grimaced. "Oh Celestia have mercy!"

"Shhhhh!" Twilight insisted.

"Eugh! Why can't we be watching something more graceful?! Like a deer?"

"Because we'd probably get in trouble for tresspassin' on their property," Applejack said.

"Oh. Yes. Right." Rarity coughed. "My stars... sometimes I have a hard time keeping track of... that."

"Did somepony say something about cat juices?" Pinkie Pie grinned wide. She grabbed her canteen and bounded towards the woods. "I wanna sip!"

"No, Pinkie!" Twilight and Trixie tugged her back with her magic. "Don't!"

"Awwww! Why not?!"

While the girls fussed, Rainbow Dash sat in the back of the wagon. The other ponies' eyes were locked on the distant cougar, so she took the opportunity to sneak into her saddlebag and steal a few quick sips of her medicine. Exhaling, she sat back in a slump. Then there was a rustle of leaves to her side.

"... ... ...?" Rainbow looked over.

A tiny gray squirrel perched on a branch. It's whiskers wriggled as it looked at Rainbow, then craned his head in the other direction.

Rainbow stared and stared. At last, she cleared her throat and leaned in towards the rodent: "Как вас зовут?"

The squirrel flinched. Then—with purely animalistic barks—it scurried back up the tree and out of sight.

"Hmmmf..." Rainbow smirked, taking another sip of her potion. "It was worth a shot..."

Miles Per Gallop

Minutes later, Rainbow Dash glided up the trail at a steady pace. She flexed her forelimbs, occasionally stretching them so that they dragged against the dirt beneath her. The pegasus' nerves tingled as her senses gradually returned. She exhaled with relief.

"I dare say that I have you beat, Applejack," Rarity said, sitting in the back of the wagon.

"Oh yeah?" Applejack looked over her flank with a smirk. "She who prefers to recline in the back seat?"

Rarity rolled her eyes, adjusting the umbrella in her telekinetic grasp. "In all seriousness, though. So you've trotted from Ponyville to Manehattan on hoof, correct?"

"Darn tootin'!" Applejack tilted her hat forward with a smirk. "And I was a wee little filly, too!"

"How ironic." Rarity winked. "For so was I."

"Trixie doesn't understand," Trixie said, glancing back. "Marshmallow pony insists that she's gone on a longer hike than Apple pony?"

"Oh!" Twilight beamed. "This has something to do with how you got your cutie mark, doesn't it?"

"That it doesssss," Rarity sing-songed. "My horn's magic took control of my mind, my body, my... everything... and I was drawn cross-country to the source of very mystical, very valuable jewels!"

"Heeheehee!" Pinkie Pie grinned. "All aboard the Fabulous Express!"

"In fact, I traversed so much landscape in so little time that I very nearly reached the western edges of Equestria's borders! I speak of course of an ashen landscape dominated by stone plateaus and loose boulders!" Rarity fanned herself. "Looking back at it, I'm actually quite intrigued that I wasn't so alarmed at the experience at the time!"

"You were just a little filly, Rarity," Twilight remarked. "The entire sensation must have been more curious than... frightening."

"I would have been frightened," Fluttershy said with a shudder.

"Still, I dun see how that counts as a hike," Applejack muttered. "Seein' as how it was Rarity's horn doin' all the grunt work and not her legs."

"Uh!" Rarity pouted. "I did have to trot back, Applejack! And I did so while in possession of a heavy collection of valuable gems!"

"You mean to tell me that ya carried hundreds of glittery stones across country on yer dainty lil' backside?"

"... ... ..." Rarity blushed slightly. "Alright, so maybe I joined a mule caravan about halfway..."

"Hah! Knew it!"

"Still, that's far longer than the distance between here and Manehattan!"

"I once galloped from Dredgemane to the sea!" Pinkie Pie chirped. "Lemme tell ya—life is a lot more complicated after fish start throwing you back for being too small!"

"I once traveled thousands of feet." Fluttershy gulped. "Vertically."

"I honestly can't say I've gone on many long treks in my life," Twilight said. "At least... not before I showed up in Ponyville. Heheh... life in Canterlot means hoofin' it around—but in circles."

"Y'all got crazy stories, for sure," Applejack said. "But I'm afraid none of them dun matter." She winked into the air. "Cuz we've got ourselves the most veteran traveler there ever was."

"Let me guess," Rarity stifled a yawn. "You?"

"No, silly filly! I mean Rainbow."

Rainbow Dash blinked, jerking in place. "Buh?"

"Yeah!" Pinkie hopped along. "Delivery pony! Weather pony! Speed pony!"

"Sonic Rainboom pony," Twilight added with a smirk.

"Bet you've gone greater distances than the rest of us, sugarcube," Applejack.

"Uhhhhhm..." Rainbow Dash blinked. She thought of mountains full of buffalo, gigantic crystal trees populated by griffons, ashen landscapes patrolled by dragons. "I've been here or there... I-I guess."

"Do not forget Dredgemane," Trixie droned. "You've been there." Her blue brow furrowed. "Though Trixie doesn't seem to remember why—"

"But I don't see how it's all the same," Rainbow muttered. "I mean... anywhere I've ever gone in life I've gotten there by wing."

"Still, that has to count for somethin'," Applejack said. "Since yer flyin' every day, doin' deliveries and the like. Reckon lots of ponies have gotta be jealous of the kind of sights and sounds ya see."

"It's... pretty nifty, I will admit." Rainbow smiled. "But sharing these sights and sounds with you is even niftier." A beat. "With all of you, th-that is..." She nervously sweated.

Fluttershy glanced at Rainbow Dash, then at Applejack.

"Heh... you sure said it, darlin'." And Applejack kept on trotting.

Fluttershy glanced at Rainbow Dash again.

The mare gulped and bore an anxious smile. "So... uh... Pinkie? Got anymore trail mix?"

Everypony Wants to Make a Bloomin' Statement

Pinkie Pie grinned back at the others in mid-stride. "And so she said, 'Oy! I wasn't chucking a sickie! My stomach was chockers from all the roasted macadamia nuts off the barbie, and so I had to spend all bloomin' afternoon making technicolor yawns into the thunderbox!'"

"Trixie doesn't get it," Trixie said.

"Yeah, Pinkie." Applejack blinked. "That's a mite bit obtuse. Even for you."

"Eh... it's all good." Pinkie bounced ahead of the wagon. "I just like saying 'Oy!' Oy Oy Oy!'"

Rarity rolled her eyes, then glanced aside at one of the pegasi floating by the wagon. "As you were saying, Fluttershy." She raised an eyebrow. "Something about phoenixes and kittens?"

"I'm just not sure what to make Apple Bloom for a 'get well' present," Fluttershy stammered. "I wanted to sew her a plushie—like I make for most little fillies—but when I asked Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle for advice, they just... gave me random animal ideas."

"Well, to be perfectly fair, darling." Rarity chuckled daintily. "She has gotten better."

"I know that."

"And you've showered her with plenty of gifts already. We all have."

"Yes. But this is different." Fluttershy smiled bashfully. "This is a gift to celebrate her getting well."

"I'm sure she'd be plum flattered in any event," Applejack said from the front of the wagon. "But she ain't a particular fan of phoenixes... or kittens." The mare's freckled face twisted. "Not sure where her lil' friends got those ideas."

"I wouldn't mind a phoenix plushie!" Twilight said with a grin.

"Sure thing, Twi..." Pinkie Pie giggle-snorted. "You just get sick from a super rare snake and we'll have a reason to whip you one up!"

"Pffft..." Twilight rolled her eyes. "I wasn't being literal, Pinkie."

"Trixie doesn't trust kittens."

"Well, I would very much like to make her something," Fluttershy said. "Your sister is so adorable, Applejack, and I like her to know that we appreciate her good health and... overall attitude."

"And I would very gladly lend you my artistic talents in the creation of said doll," Rarity said. "Assuming it becomes a complicated endeavor."

"Oh! I just remembered!" Applejack smirked over her shoulder. "Platypuses!"

"Egads!" Rarity grimaced. "You can't be serious!"

"Sure am! Apple Bloom's plum bonkers over them! Heheh! She's been beggin' for a platypus costume to wear at Nightmare Night. And I've no clue where to find one. I reckon a lil' platypus doll would be a find consolation."

"Oh! Sounds delightfully challenging!" Fluttershy smiled, clapping her hooves. "I'm all for it!"

"Pffft! Rubbish!" Rarity waved her hoof. "Why settle for a consolation we can get her the real thing!"

"Uhm..." Fluttershy blinked. "You want to build Apple Bloom a real life platypus?"

"No, silly! We fashion her a custom-made costume for Nightmare Night!" Rarity grinned. "I'm certain her friends will be thrilled!"

"Heehee! And she'd look soooooo adorable with the little bill and beaver tail!"

"I... will take your word for it, darling."

"Uhm, Applejack?" Fluttershy bit her lip pensively. "I... don't suppose you and the Apple Family household would be looking to have a new pet around the farm? Perhaps of the platypus variety?"

"Land's sakes!" Applejack grimaced. "Can ya even do that, Flutters?"

"Erm. It's not impossible, considering my connections. But... would you even be willing to consider it?"

"I'm supremely interested in the idea!" Twilight said. "I wouldn't mind seeing a platypus up close!"

"Eh... lemme chew on it for a spell," Applejack muttered. "I've always tickled with the idea of gettin' another animal that wasn't a herder or livestock, but I've always been a tad bit a'fear'd that Winona might turn it into a chew toy."

"Not if I train them both to bond together!" Fluttershy said.

"Well, shucks. Is there anythang ya can't do, Fluttershy?"

Pinkie giggled, hopping closer. "Just ask B—"

Applejack growled: "You say 'Ask Big McIntosh' and I'm buckin' ya off teh mountain!"

The girls giggled.

"Say, uh..." Rainbow Dash squinted, hovering above the group. "There's a cave up ahead."

"Wow! No kiddin'?" Applejack grinned. "We're makin' good time!"

"We are?" Twilight asked.

"I thought with all the rest stops and gabbin' that we was laggin' behind, but looks like we're 'bout to hit Winsome's Hollow!"

"What's that?" Rainbow asked.

"A darn good spot for the second night's rest," Applejack said. "I mean... we could travel the rest of the way to the mountaintop and see the falls, but it'd be right around sundown."

"So, what do we do?" Pinkie Pie blinked at the others. "Set camp here early and just... waste the rest of the day chatting with one another?"

Dead silence. The mares all exchanged blank expressions.

And then they smiled.

"Heh... works for me!"

"Sounds great!"

"Absolutely smashing!"

"Yaaaaay..."

"Heh... awesome."

"Trixie loves sharing her waste!"

At the Mouth of a Cave In

"Grrrr... grnnghhh...!" Rainbow Dash snarled through her teeth as she clenched her jaws over the end of a rope. With jerking movements, she struggled to pull the corner of a careening tent until it was taut.

Behind her, the mares chattered as they laid things out for an overnight stay at the mouth of the cave.

"So, Fluttershy, darling." Rarity's voice unraveled in a playfully melodic fashion. "I hear that an apple a day keeps the doctor away."

"Yeah! Hehe!" Pinkie Pie zipped back and forth between the wagon and the cave, setting up supplies. "Now that she's getting regular checkups!"

Flutterhy giggled, blushing slightly as she rolled out the canvas material of a tent. "Oh girls. Please. It's nothing like that."

"Nothing like what?" Rarity sing-songed.

"Mmmmm... whatever it is that you may be implying."

"I'm implying nothing, darling!" Rarity breathed. "I have every reason to believe that you are a perfect and refined lady."

"Thank you, Rarity."

"Yeah!" Pinkie Pie hummed. "Perfect for Big Macintosh!"

She and Rarity giggled.

"Ohhhhhhhh..." Fluttershy rolled her eyes. "I knew I would be having to deal with this sooner than later, but not on this trip! Or from you, girls!"

"Oh Fluttershy, dear, don't take it so personally." Rarity trotted over to nuzzle her. "We're all so very happy for you. I think it's quite... yes... quite charming that you are the first and only member of our delightful circle of merry friends who's chosen to share the couple's nuzzle in public."

Rainbow bit her lip, pausing slightly in her work.

"And you've got to admit," Twilight Sparkle's voice suddenly dipped in. "Big Macintosh is quite a catch."

"One that you don't throw back in!" Pinkie chirped.

"Heh! Exactly!"

"You make him sound large, gigantic, and oafish," Fluttershy said with an angry pout.

"Nothing of the sort!" Twilight stammered. "I only mean to say that you're lucky!"

"Oh. Yes. That I am." Fluttershy sighed, then giggled.

"Surely he is crude at times," Trixie grumbled. "And loud. And odorous. And all of the many grotesque things that Trixie often hears is indicative of stallions."

"If so, I haven't noticed very much," Fluttershy remarked. "Besides, you can place such... unsavory qualities on a lot of living things. It is life, after all."

"She only says that because she spends all her time with animals," Trixie said.

Pinkie Pie exploded with laughter.

"Awwwwwwww shoot..." Applejack trotted in. "What are y'all gabbin' about now?"

"Just stating how wonderfully lucky Fluttershy and your brother are, Applejack," Rarity said. "They do make one of the cutest couples in Ponyville, after all."

"Yeah! Super cute!" Pinkie hollered.

"Hmmm..." Applejack smirked. "I rarely ever hear the word 'cute' and 'Big Macintosh' in the same sentence. But I reckon Fluttershy more than makes up for it."

"Oh please, darling, don't be so coy," Rarity said. "There's certainly a... rustic charm to Apple Family testosterone."

"Boy is there," Fluttershy exhaled. A few blinks later, and she blushed like a beet, trotting off to gather more things from the wagon.

"Well, there must be something irresistible about the Apples," Twilight said, trotting up. "Because looks like Big Mac isn't the only one sharing a tree these days."

"Ooooooooooooooooooh!" Pinkie cooed. "She's so riiiiiiiiight!"

Rainbow clenched her eyes shut.

"What in tarnation are y'all talkin' about?"

"Need I spell his name?" Rarity smirked. "There are oh-so-few letters in it."

"For Celestia's sake! We are good friends! Nothin' more!"

"Good friends... who hang out every single day!" Twilight exclaimed.

"And work the fields together," Rarity added.

"And are always laughing whenever Trixie sees apple horse out and about."

"Pfffft. So Stu is a really pleasant fella to be around. What of it?"

"Let me ask you, Applejack." Rarity leaned forward, smiling. "Has he offered to pay for your meal? At least once?"

"I dun see what that has to do with anyth—"

"Well?"

"... ... ..." Applejack squinted. "Well, now that you mention it—"

Rainbow cleared her throat. Loudly. "Right. So... uh... I'm off to get some firewood." She flew off in a gust of wind. "Better to start earlier than later. Right? Right! Hahahahaha—haaaaaaa..." FWOOSH!

The other mares stood behind, blinking awkwardly.

Also a Client

Rainbow Dash gathered firewood... or so she told herself.

The mare shuffled limply past thicket after thicket, pawing at the ground, dragging the occasional twig or branch loose from the treeline.

"Mrmmfff..." was what she had to donate to the collective universe. With a sullen sigh, she hung her head and trotted onward.

Not long later, the air broke with the rustling of wingfeathers. Fluttershy came gliding in. Upon seeing Rainbow Dash, she turned about—or at least as quickly as her dainty body could allow her. Soon, she touched down beside the other pony.

"Rainbow Dash! There you are." She cleared her throat and trotted closer. "Is everything alright?"

"Mmmmrfff... as alright as it's ever going to be."

"Oh Rainbow Dash..." Fluttershy pouted. "Don't be like this. We were only striking conversation."

"You gals were," Rainbow muttered. "And then someone brought up Stu." Her ruby eyes rolled. "Then it just turned into striking."

"So we got into a little bit of the guy gab." Fluttershy shrugged. "So what?"

Rainbow turned icily towards her. "What was everyone talking about when you left them?"

Fluttershy bit her lip. She shuffled from side to side. "Mmmm... Rarity was... t-talking about m-making new suits for Big Mac." She gulped. "And Stu."

"Knew it." Rainbow grumbled, marching along. "Even out here, halfway up a mountain, with all of my bestest friends... I just can't outrun the guy."

"Rainbow Dash..." Fluttershy sighed. "Can't..." She winced slightly. "Aren't you able to enjoy your comraderie with Applejack without having to compare yourself constantly to Stu Leaves?"

"No way," Rainbow muttered. "You don't get it, Fluttershy. There's nothing to compare."

"Then why are you so obsessed with—"

"Because I'm better than him!" Rainbow suddenly barked, her voice echoing past numerous trees. Fluttershy looked around nervously at that, but Rainbow wasn't finished. "In every friggin' way, too! I'm loyaler... awesomer... truer..."

"Rainbow, you can't just say—"

"I can and I will!" Rainbow frowned. "So what has Stu done to liven Applejack's day-to-day existence, huh? Chatted with her? Bucked apples for her?!" Rainbow shrugged. "I've done that too!" She paced about, kicking at the dirt and twigs. "Okay... so maybe I haven't bought her a stupid expensive crystal orange tree with my monthly fortune."

"Huh?"

"Maybe I don't look after her produce when she's away. I could do that! I could so so much more! I have done so much more!" Nostrils flaring, Rainbow growled into the mountainside. "I wanna see Stu go on an epic quest for some stupid rare flowers and—" She froze in places, eyes twitching.

Fluttershy blinked. "...Rainbow?"

"Erm..." Rainbow shook a hoof. "Forget what I said. Just... Stu's stupid. There. Over and done."

"Wait just one minute!" Fluttershy flew in front of her, muzzle agape. "Did I hear you say what I thought I heard you say—?"

"I've got some firewood to gather. Wanna help?"

"Those flowers." Fluttershy gulped. "The endangered plants that cured Apple Bloom." Her eyes sparkled. "It... it was you?"

"Fluttershy, please—"

"Then... that means all this time..." Fluttershy stared into nothingness. Her eyes darted left and right, and her face lit up with realization. "Oh my goodness! Oh my goodnesss, of course!"

"Flutters—"

"Rainbow, do you realize what this means?!" Fluttershy danced in place, grinning. "You... you saved Apple Bloom! You're a hero! Applejack's only sister! She was dying and... and you saved her, Rainbow Dash."

"You have no proof of that—"

"What proof do I need?! You're you!" Fluttershy giggled. "Rainbow Dash. Awesome and loyal as ever. Why did I not even think that you would have been doing such a thing?! I mean... Celestia above! You must have traveled half the world and faced a million dangers to—" She froze in mid-speech, blinking. "... ... ...why haven't you told anypony?" she murmured.

Rainbow bit her lip.

"Rainbow Dash..." Fluttershy's voice lowered to an anxious murmur. She slowly shook her head. "You... you haven't even told Applejack...?"

"She's not a prize to be won, Fluttershy," Rainbow muttered.

"But—"

"What matters is that she and her family are well." Rainbow gulped. "What matters is that she's happy." A deep breath. "As her best friend... would I wish anything else for her?" She shrugged. "Would it be any different if I was her lover?"

Fluttershy opened her muzzle, but nothing came out. She grimaced, an expression mixed with confusion and nausea. At last, she hung her head... sniffling.

Rainbow blinked. "Fluttershy?" She squirmed where she stood. "Fluttershy, what's wrong?"

Fluttershy reached over. Her limbs were soft—but strong. She forced Rainbow Dash into a tight hug.

Rainbow bit her lip, feeling Fluttershy's quiet sobs.

"You precious... precious thing..." Fluttershy nuzzled Rainbow's neck. At last, she let loose an exasperated sigh as she stared tearfully into the forest. "There are times when I really don't know what to do with you, Rainbow Dash."

Rainbow gulped, patting Fluttershy's shoulder. "Yeah... well... join the club..."

Would Ya Lancie That

"Wouldn't have mattered how hard I searched for those flowers," Rainbow Dash muttered. It was at least an hour later. Both mares sat in the middle of the woods, facing each other. The sounds of nature sang and crackled around them as the sun sank slow and red into the mountains beyond. "They simply didn't exist." She shook her head. "Not anymore."

"Then... exactly how did you find them at the end of your quest?" Fluttershy asked.

Rainbow took a deep breath. "A friend of mine," she muttered. "A friend that nopony knows about." Misty-eyed, she stared into the woods. "He had... erm... 'magical abilities' that could even put Twilight to shame. And... like... he and I... we... uh..." She squirmed where she sat. "...we had some pretty snazzy adventures as of late."

"Adventures?"

"We kinda sorta had this 'I scratch your back and you scratch mine' sort of a relationship," Rainbow Dash explained. "I went off and did something that would ultimately help him out... magically. And in return, he'd promise to do something for me. Naturally, I... uh... asked him to do little things here and there to help out Applejack. Just... as fate would have it... some cruddy thing or another would raise its ugly head and we'd both end up having to patch things up behind us. I... never really got to help out Applejack until the whole Tartarusian viper fiasco, but that's even more complicated of an explanation."

"Rainbow Dash..." Fluttershy bit her lip. "I'm... not entirely sure that sounds quite like a healthy relationship. I mean... whoever this 'friend' of yours was, it almost seems like he was taking advantage of your feelings in order to do favors for him."

"You're not entirely wrong."

Fluttershy blinked.

"But that's just it." Rainbow gazed back at her. "He... he changed." She swallowed a sour lump down her throat. "Hanging out with me for so long... and seeing and hearing the way I just... friggin' gave everything up for Applejack and other ponies around me..." She smirked ever so slightly, but that smile just-as-quickly deflated. "Well. I guess you could say he wisened up. He conjured the flowers for Apple Bloom, and then..."

"Yes...?"

Rainbow brushed a hoof over her mane, shuddering. "And then he friggin' left," her voice cracked. "Just when I was starting to see something really snazzy in him. He simply couldn't handle the... feelings that were overwhelming him, I guess. And... uh... he's no longer around." She waved a limp hoof. "He's somewhere out there, purposefully giving up his magical powers so he can... I dunno... rediscover himself or something."

"I see..." Fluttershy exhaled. "Well... I may not know this character you speak of. But it seems to me that you had quite the impact on him."

"Yeah..." Rainbow's ears folded back.

Fluttershy saw it. She sniffled. "And you really... really miss him, don't you?"

"Mmmmm..." Rainbow Dash rested her chin on her hooves. "Y-yeah..."

"Rainbow..."

"You and AJ are the best friends I've ever had," Rainbow muttered. "But this dude?" She wiped her eyes dry, shuddering. "I told him everything, Flutters. Stuff that... that I-I haven't even told you." Two quivering eyes looked up. "And if someone like that... who got exposed to so much of what makes me me... if someone like that had no choice but to high-tail it out of here, then just how hopeless am I?"

"Oh Rainbow Dash..."

"J-just how h-hopeless is my... my friggin' complex over the mares I choose to love...?"

Fluttershy reached out to caress Rainbow's cheek. "You're one of the most compassionate, thoughtful, and selfless ponies I know. For what it's worth, I believe you've had a positive influence on this individual. While I'm not a fan of him abandoning you... I believe—in some bizarre way—it's for the better. Because you've exposed something in himself that he feels like he needs to change... to be more like you..."

"Ah jeez, Celestia forbid..."

Fluttershy giggled softly. "You're inspiration to many ponies, Rainbow Dash. I've no doubt that this... that this friend of yours is better off now... and that he will find a strong place to be. He's just... chosen a very strange way of getting there." She raised an eyebrow. "Remind you of anypony you know?"

Rainbow shuddered, hanging her head. "Maybe just some of us take for-freakin'-ever to get a clue about life."

"Perhaps." Fluttershy nodded. "Or—much rather—some of us take a long time to realize that life's greatest blessings are just a hoof's stretch away."

If an Apple Dashes in the Middle of a Forest...

"I suppose it's worth asking," Fluttershy murmured. "Although I think I already know the truth."

Rainbow tilted her chin up. "What's that?"

"If this friend of yours was so... erm... 'magically gifted'..." She squinted. "Why did you never ask him to help cure your atrophying muscles?"

Rainbow bit her lip.

"Or..." Fluttershy blinked. "Maybe you did and I just haven't notic—"

"This is something else," Rainbow said, brushing her forelimbs back and forth. "Zecora and Noir... they, uh... they work some alchemic 'magic' of their own."

"Do they know about your mystical companion?"

"Uhhh..." Rainbow winced slightly. "Noir does now... kinda. Zecora..." Rainbow shrugged. "She always knows more than she lets on."

"Hmmmm... quite true."

"They've helped me on the health front. Meanwhile, my special friend has been... uhh... helping me on the apple front... eheheh... or so I've told myself." Rainbow cleared her throat. "The fact of the matter is... I've... h-had things to occupy my time as of late. And that trip to fetch the flowers?" She shrugged. "That was pushing it to the absolute limit. I don't mean to scare you or nothing, Fluttershy, but it nearly put a friggin' end to me."

Fluttershy grimaced, but found the strength to murmur, "I feel like such a bad friend for not picking up on all of this before."

"No." Rainbow shook her head. "I'm the bad friend for not telling you and the girls what I was occupied with."

"Well, if there was an opportunity to heal Apple Bloom, then perhaps you should have at least told Twilight so that she could have properly assisted you. Or the rest of us for that matter!"

"It... wouldn't have been that simple, Fluttershy."

"Just why not?!"

"You..." Rainbow bit her lip. Hard. "...you girls wouldn't have liked the distance I had to go to make it all work out in the end."

"And just what is that supposed to mean?"

Rainbow clammed up.

Fluttershy sighed. She leaned in to nuzzle Rainbow. "All this time... I thought you were just making deliveries across country." She gulped hard. "In reality, you were going through such... such tough times."

"It's not so bad, Fluttershy..."

Fluttershy sniffled. "Isn't it, though?"

"I put it upon myself," Rainbow said with a weak smile. "Part of me thinks my friend took off because he felt it was his way of protecting me."

"I'm almost tempted to believe that," Fluttershy muttered.

Rainbow hung her head. "Still... I wouldn't take back anything I did. Not for an instant."

"Oh?"

"Cuz it did help Applejack in the end," Rainbow said. "And others."

"Others?"

"Yeah. Trixie, Pinkie Pie, and Daring Do in Dredgemane. Photo Finish in Manehattan."

"Photo Finish—?"

"Stu Leaves, Donut Joe, Gustave Le Grande, Mulia Mild in Orlandoats."

Fluttershy blinked. "Oh yes! Your calamitous run-in with the Flim Flam brothers!" Fluttershy's muzzle hung open. "Wait... do you mean to say that your friend had a hoof to play in that?"

"Well. No, not really. But he did do me the favor of saving a precious artifact from the wrong hooves." Rainbow suddenly blinked. "Snkkkkt..." She clutched herself, breaking into a flurry of giggles. "Heeheehee..."

"What's so funny, Rainbow?"

"I just had a silly... happy thought..." Rainbow Dash wiped her eyes dry. "Of introducing you to another friend of mine." A warm smile. "A pony by the name of Epcot."

"Sounds like a pleasant friend."

"Oh!" Rainbow gasped. "I almost forgot!" She slapped her hoof against the floor. "Autumn Rush, a minotaur named Iron Will, and a bunch of deer that were enslaved by diamond dogs." Rainbow gestured. "My friend and I freed them from imprisonment. So there's that too, I guess."

"Wait wait wait..." Fluttershy's muzzle hung agape. "You mean that... that heroic mare that saved those underground prisoners to the northeast and vanished?" Her eyes widened. "That pony they made a stage play about?! That was you?!"

"Oh. That's right." Rainbow blinked. "I heard something about them making a stage performance about that. Huh. The things that you miss when you're busy..."

"Rainbow Dash, I..." Fluttershy hung between a grimace and a grin. "I-I just don't know where to begin..."

"I know, Flutters. I know..."

"You... you did so many amazing things in secret." Fluttershy blinked. "What ever happened to the brash pegasus who wouldn't hesitate to brag out in the open about this sort of thing?"

Rainbow shrugged. "I guess she... found something she cherished a whole lot more than the limelight."

Fluttershy gazed at her. "Rainbow... Rainbow if Applejack knew..."

"There's no guarantee of anything. That's not the point."

"Then what is, Rainbow?"

"I know it may seem weird to you... twisted, even. But..." Rainbow fidgeted. "All those things I did? All those ponies I helped? I did them all... because of her..." A dim smile, sparkling on the fuzzy edges. "She's the reason I've dared to do anything but just... roll over and become a lump of atrophied muscles. She helps me get up out of bed each day. She... she..."

Silence.

Rainbow Dash squeaked. "I love her, Fluttershy. She fills me with life. Just the thought of her... like lifeblood. Pure friggin' lifeblood. I..." Rainbow gnashed her teeth, exhaling slowly. "I don't think I can put it into words."

"No. I guess you can't." Fluttershy smiled tenderly. "But you can certainly put it to action."

Rainbow grinned.

Fluttershy grinned back.

"Hey... hey!" Pinkie Pie suddenly bounced into the clearing, gazing at the two. "There you girls are! The others were starting to worry! Just what are you up to?"

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash stared over from where they leisurely sat, facing each other in the middle of the forest.

"... ... ..." Fluttershy smiled sheepishly. "We're gathering firewood."

"... ... ..." Pinkie Pie gazed at them, at the loose twigs and branches surrounding the clearing, and then at the pony pair again. "Mmmmmmmm..." She shrugged. "I've got nothin'." Turning tail, she spun and bounced back towards camp. "Come back to the cave! We've got marshmallowsssssss!"

Maremellows

"Tell Trixie again just why we haven't built the campfire inside the cave?" muttered the unicorn, shivering where she sat.

Applejack sighed. She looked up from where she stoked the flames with twigs and branches. "Cuz on account of the fire only makin' it all smokey and smoggy if I built this here thang in an enclosed area. Dun want none of my friends chokin' and collapsin' from smoke inhalation. Ya feel me?"

"Oh." Trixie blinked. "Trixie believes that's a good reason."

"Well of course it is!" Twilight rolled her eyes, then smirked aside at the mare sitting next to her. "Have you forgotten elementary physics overnight?"

"Harumph! Trixie is an expert on advanced magics! Not Smoke 101!" Trixie nevertheless hugged herself, teeth chattering.

"Trixie, please. It'll warm up soon enough."

"Mmmmm... n-not soon enough for Trixie."

"Here..." Twilight slid over until she was flank-to-flank with the mare. "Does this help?"

"What are you doing, Sparkle?"

"What's it look like?" Twilight smiled. "Sitting close together, our body heat should help you shiver less."

"Please don't sit so close to Trixie."

"Why not?"

"Because..." Trixie sniffled, staring off into the woods beyond the cave entrance. "Trixie... d-doesn't want to spill marshmallows on you."

"But you don't even have a marshmallow yet!"

"... ... ...could candy horse please pass Trixie a marshmallow?"

"Mrmmmmmff!" Pinkie stopped munching on one such treat in question. She speared another marshmallow, then tossed it Trixie's way. "Here ya go!"

Trixie caught the stick in a magical field, then aimed it towards the flames. "There we go." A shuddering breath. "Trixie will warm up soon enough."

Twilight sighed, shaking her head. "You're so weird..."

"Nice of Sparkle to notice."

Applejack smirked. She turned towards the other side of the camp fire. "Thanks, y'all, for grabbin' this here firewood. It's a load off my back."

"It's our pleasure," Fluttershy said, sitting next to Rainbow.

"How can you say that, though?" Rainbow squinted at Applejack. "All day, you've been pulling our wagon full of stuff like nopony's business."

Applejack sighed, leaning back to squat on a log. "Confession time? I ain't exactly fond of fetchin' firewood."

"What's that?!" Rarity finished nibbling daintily on a marshmallow to gasp. "Our honest Applejack actually hates a chore?"

Applejack smirked, waving a hoof. "Guilty as charged. Guess I'm just... not too fond of searchin' for needles in a haystack. When it comes to sortin' through the apples back at the ranch, I'm more than happy—cuz that's for the family business n'such. But... n-not my favorite thang to do."

"Mmmm!" Pinkie gulped another treat and smiled. "Well no wonder you never smile when I give you those Search and Find activity books every Hearth's Warming!"

"Erm... can't say I remember them gifts yer referrin' to, Pinkie. Reckon I just gave them to Apple Bloom."

"So you chose to take advantage of my gifts by giving again?" Pinkie blinked. "Heeeeee!" She bounced in place. "Best pony is best ponyyyyy."

"Well..." Rainbow Dash took a bite out of her marshmallow. "It's not like she's in competition or anything."

"Yeah..." Fluttershy nodded. "Especially not from any sparkly-mane'd pony in a beverage dimension."

Applejack looked over. "The Hay are y'all talkin' about?"

"Oh... nothing." Fluttershy's cheeks turned rosy as she looked at the pegasus beside her. "Just firewood fetching talk."

Rainbow Dash winked.

Fluttershy winked and smiled back.

"... ... ..." Applejack hoisted the entire bag of marshmallows to herself and shoved her hoof in. "That's it. There's somethin' in the water 'round these parts." She shoved a white cluster into her muzzle. "Nomf."

And one by one... the crickets broke out into song around the camp.

The Most Dangerous Game part one

"Hoof me a few more marshmallows, darling." Rarity grinned mischievously as Pinkie Pie tossed her a few puffy morsels. "Yes. That's right. Mmmmm-heeheeheehee... Ahem." She stuck all ten onto a single stick, like a candy-flavored shish kabob. "Now..." She looked across the flickering campfire. "Does everypony have a canteen of cider?"

"Darn tootin'!" Applejack smirked back.

"Same here." Rainbow lifted her container.

Fluttershy gestured. "Filled and bubbling."

"Bubblelicious!" Pinkie giggled. "Heeeeeee!"

"Alright..." Rarity cleared her throat, gazing at everypony with their matching sticks with five marshmallows. "Let's begin."

"Mrmmmff..." Trixie grumbled, her ears drooping. "Trixie thinks this game is stupid already."

"Shhhhhh..." Twilight patted her shoulder, smiling. "I've read that this game builds friendship and character."

"Mwap."

"For goodness' sake..." Twilight rolled her eyes. "Part of becoming a better magician is trying new things. That works in the social realm as well." She looked at Rarity. "Please, get us started, Rarity."

"Yes... very well." Rarity cleared her throat and raised her stick of ten marshmallows up high. "Never have I ever been to the moon and back!" She winked at the other girls.

"Eugh..." Applejack rolled her eyes to the starlight. "Seriously? First question out of the gate and already I can tell this here camp is spineless!"

"Heeheehee..." Rarity batted her lashes. "It was simply a test, for starters. To teach Miss Lulamoon how it's done." She took a dainty sip of her canteen. "Mmmm... besides..." She licked the cider froth from her muzzle. "I was feeling thirsty."

"Yup." Applejack folded her forelimbs. "Suuuuuuure."

"Who's next?" Pinkie rocked back and forth. "Who's next?!?"

"You are." Rarity patted the mare's shoulder to her left. "We're going clockwise, darling."

"Ew." Rainbow made a face. "Since when? Clockwise is for losers."

"Oh go smoke a mule, Dashie!" Pinkie stuck her tongue out. "Or else get on my level! Ahem!" She stood up on her log and grinned into the firelight. "Never I have ever ticked off a hydra so badly that it ended up stomping after me and all of my friends!" She squinted down at Twilight to her left.

"Pffft! Pinkieeeee..." Twilight rolled her eyes, her cheeks rosy. "Everypony knows that embarrassing story!"

"So?" Pinkie giggle-snorted. "Rules are rulllles!"

"Very well..." Twilight bit off the furthest marshmallow on her stick, then took a sip of her canteen.

"Watch..." Rainbow whispered at Fluttershy. "Friggin' egghead can't hold her cider."

Twilight gulped and frowned across the fire. "I so can—HIC!—too..." She blushed furiously.

"Hahahaha!" Rainbow Dash teetered back, legs kicking. Fluttershy covered her snickers with a dainty hoof.

"Mmmmmm..." Twilight took a deep breath. "Okay, Trixie."

"Okay, what, Sparkle?"

"Get ready." Twilight held her stick up high as she smirked at the unicorn beside her. "Never have I ever lost sleep all night in quiet anticipation for the next day's camping trip."

"Wha... but... that..." Trixie squirmed where she sat. Her cheeks puffed up. "No fair! Sparkle knew about Trixie's restlessness!" She folded her forelimbs. "And now the rest of the camp knows!"

"Heeheehee!" Pinkie pointed. "If you don't want to be part of the game, the cave's over there—"

"And it's cold in that cave!" Trixie huffed. "Fluffy horse can save her jeers! Trixie knows how to rise to the challenge."

"Pssst." Twilight leaned in. "You gotta eat a marshmallow and take a sip of—"

"Trixie understands the rules!" Trixie nibbled and drank as commanded. Stifling a belch, she frowned. "This isn't over, Sparkle! Trixie will have her revenge!"

"But the way the circle is arranged—" Applejack pointed.

"Hmmm... oh!" Rarity smiled. "I know!" She grinned slyly. "If nopony has done what the pony asking suggests, then the circle spins in the opposite direction. Sound like a good rule?"

"Sure. Why not?" Fluttershy shrugged. "If it makes Trixie happy."

Rainbow leaned in. "You're just hoping for a chance that the game will skip you completely."

"Mmmmm-maybe."

"Heheheh."

"That works for Trixie. But, for now..." Trixie turned to face the mare to her left. "Apple horse."

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeyup?" Applejack peeked from beneath her hat, smirking.

Trixie squinted. "Never has Trixie ever—" Her eyes crossed, and she slapped her chest, clearing her throat. "Sorry. F-force of habit." Taking a breath, she started over. "Never have I ever wished I was a city pony instead of a country pony."

"Well, dang." Applejack was already nibbling on her first marshmallow. She followed it up with a drink. "Got me there."

"Hey! No fair!" Pinkie pouted. "We all know that AJ took a trip to live in Manehattan as a adorable little freckled foal!"

"Yes, quite." Twilight pointed. "But Trixie didn't."

Pinkie frowned. "I'm not sure I like this 'Lulamoon Edition.'"

"Yes, well..." Trixie smiled at her with a haughty squint. "Them's the rules, candy mane."

Twilight doubled over, giggling.

"Ooooooh sister..." Pinkie rolled up sleeves that didn't exist. She smirked. "Wait until I switch seats with Twilight."

"Is that even possible?"

"I'd have to activate my... uh..." Pinkie blinked. "...trap marshmallow?"

"Heeheehee..." Fluttershy giggled.

Rarity nodded across the fire. "Your turn, Applejack."

"Well alright!" Applejack looked at the petite figure to her left. "You ready, sugarcube?"

Rainbow looked at her. Within an instant, her devilish smirk vanished. "Uhhhhh..." Fuzzy blue ears drooped. "Maybe?" she squeaked.

The Most Dangerous Game part two

"Mmmmmmmmmm..." Applejack's eyes traveled up and down.

Rainbow bit her lip, standing squat on the log next to her with her forelimbs squished together. A pair of fuzzy blue ears twitched.

"Ah! Reckon I got one." The mare tilted her hat back and grinned. "Ahem. Never have I ever enjoyed gettin' a purdy dress made especially for me by Rarity."

Rainbow Dash blinked. "Hah!" She exhaled with a gunburst. "Haaaaa-ha!"

Applejack raised an eyebrow.

"Hahaha... whewwww..." Rainbow Dash hugged herself, exhaling through a dumb smile. Seconds passed. She blinked, looking up and realizing that every mare was staring at her. "Huh?"

"Weather horse has to answer, right?" Trixie remarked.

Within two heartbeats, Rainbow Dash's cheeks flushed. "Oh. Oh yeah..." She gulped, looked weakly in Rarity's direction, then begrudgingly ate a marshmallow with a sigh.

"Heeheehee!" Pinkie giggled.

"Ohhhhhhh?" Rarity clasped her hooves together, smiling from ear to ear. "Really?! Really and truly?!"

"Mrmmfff..." Rainbow Dash swallowed the marshmallow down with some cider and gulped. "Don't let it get around. You guys are my best friends, okay?" Nostrils flared. "I have a reputation to keep."

"Rainbow Dash...!" Twilight smirked. "I am... intrigued."

"All these times! And you've played it off so coyly, too!" Rarity's eyelashes fluttered. "Oh—by Celestia's mane—I am making you something extra ravishing the week after this hike is over!"

Rainbow slapped her canteen down and pointed at the unicorn. "Hey! By the nature of AJ's question, it only means I've enjoyed getting a dress at least one time! Okay?"

"And what did ya like the best about the dress, huh, sugarcube?" Applejack chuckled. "The fact that it was shiny or the fact that it was poofy?"

"Nuh uh!" Rainbow shook a hoof while Pinkie giggled. "You already had your turn!"

"She's right, Applejack," Twilight said.

"Pffft. I was only teasin'."

"All hail Princess Dashiiiie!"

"Eugh... don't rub it in, Pinkie."

"Heeeeee..." Rarity teetered on the log, smiling. "My mind is already reeling with ideas now!"

"Ugh..." Rainbow facehoofed. "What have I gotten myself into?"

"Carry the circle around, already!" Trixie growled. "Trixie seeks vengeance!"

"You're up, Rainbow," Fluttershy softly said.

"Mmmm-yeah?" Rainbow looked up at her.

Fluttershy smiled sweetly back. Her eyes darted in Applejack's direction.

Rainbow Dash blinked. Her ears perked up. Then, with a courageous breath, she sat up straight and said, "Okay, Flutters. Never have I ever... been arrested for trafficking porcupines."

"Ohboyohboyohboy—wait, huh!" Pinkie's muzzle scrunched.

Fluttershy shook her head with practiced precision. "Nope! Sorry, Rainbow."

"Oh." Rainbow droned. "Oh darn." She took a swig of her canteen.

"Well, Applejack, looks like you're in the sights again," Twilight said.

"Wait..." Trixie squeaked. "You mean it goes back around?"

"Those were the rules," Rarity said.

"Ha HA!" Trixie pumped a hoof in the air. "Trixie will have her revenge!"

"Awwww..." Pinkie pouted. "With Fluttershy in this game, it'll never get to me!"

"Heehee..." Fluttershy winked. "Want to bet?"

"Alright, Rainbow." Applejack spat on the ground and folded her forelimbs with a smirk. "Do yer worse."

Rainbow turned to face her. She took a deep breath...

The Most Dangerous Game part three

"Okay, AJ." Rainbow Dash grinned at the mare to her right. "Never have I ever..."

Fluttershy waited with bated breath.

The other girls stared across the camp fire.

Rainbow Dash finished: "...nuzzled somepony and then regretted it."

"OooOooOooh!" Pinkie, Rarity, and Twilight Sparkle cooed.

"Sorry, sugarcube." Applejack smirked.

Rainbow Dash blinked. "Buh?"

"Better take a sip of that canteen." The mare winked, folding her forelimbs. "Cuz I never put my freckles where I dun want 'em."

"But... but..." Rainbow blinked. "I don't get it."

"Pffft! What, are ya deaf?" Applejack chuckled. "I make it a habit never to nuzzle another pony unless I absolutely mean to! Wouldn't be proper, now, would it?"

"Uhhhh..."

"You heard her, Dashie!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Drink up!"

"Awwwwwww..." Trixie swatted at the ground. "It'll never be Trixie's turn again!"

Fluttershy stared quietly at Rainbow.

"Mrmmffff..." Rolling her eyes, Rainbow took a sip. She wiped the cider froth off her muzzle. "Thought I was going somewhere with that one."

"Right into my trap. That's where." Applejack pivoted on the log to face her. Her brow furrowed as she spoke: "Now then... never have I ever cheated to get by at flight camp."

"Ohhhhhhhhh..." Twilight squinted out one eye. "Ouch."

Rainbow blinked. Then, with a proud smirk, she sat up straight. "Nope."

Applejack blinked. "Huh?"

"You heard me. Now take a sip."

"But... this here's supposed to be an honest game!"

"Pfffft. AJ please." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "I dropped out of flight camp. I never cheated at it. There's a difference."

"She's... uhm..." Fluttershy coughed. "She's right, you know."

"Drink up, ya haybilly!" Rainbow stuck a tongue out.

"Mrmmmfff..." Applejack took a sip. Wiping her muzzle, she squinted at the mare to her left. "Bet yer cheatin' now, ya varmint."

"Like I'd make it that easy for you."

"Bring it."

"Alrighty." Rainbow smirked. "Never have I ever wanted my best friend to cheat just so I could out her in front of all the other ponies."

"Hah!" Applejack guffawed. "Like I'm that petty!"

"Well, is it true or isn't it?"

"I only care about the value of tellin' the truth!"

"And I only care about cider!" Rainbow Dash took a sip, keeping her eyes trained on her. "Your turn, sunshine!"

Applejack's eyes narrowed. "Never have I ever been so darn competitive over a silly little thang that I was willing to hurt another pony's feelings after them."

"Drink up."

"Oh for pete's sake—"

"Hey! You said you value the truth! So prove it! Take a sip!"

Applejack did so, keeping her ears trained.

Rainbow Dash didn't wait. "Never have I ever pretended to want to go on a camping trip with my friends when in fact I just wanted to be somewhere else!" She was already drinking when—

"What?!" Applejack snarled in response. "Why, of all the—... Never have I ever taken up a gosh-darn deliverin' job just so I could avoid my friends!" She sipped.

"Never have I ever been taking for granted just how good my farm's been doing as of late!"

"Never have I ever made the weather extra rainy over Sweet Apple Acres just to make things tough for the earth ponies!"

"Never have I ever met a pegasus that didn't annoy me!"

The other mares' eyes darted back and forth between the two.

Applejack grumbled between sips. "Never have I ever considered that maybe Ponyville was beneath m—"

With a snarl, Rainbow Dash held her canteen to her forehead and blurted: "Never have I ever just wanted to buck Stu Leaves in his stupid friggin' face!"

Silence. Crickets and crackling embers.

The other mares stared. Blinking.

Fluttershy bit her lip.

And Applejack...

"Nomf..." She scarfed up a marshmallow from the end of her stick. "Mmmm... fluffy."

Rainbow Dash blinked. She exhaled, ears drooped. "Wait... you..."

"Mrmmff... ya kiddin' me?" Applejack smirked while chewing. "The dang stallion drives me absolutely batty." She gulped. "Just so happens that he's got an awful lot of charm to off-set it." A wink. "Pegasi are silly, winged horses, after all."

Rainbow gulped.

"Full of surprises too. Heh..." Applejack calmly pivoted to her right. "Trixie? I believe it's your turn now."

"Oh? HaHA! Revenge time, Sparkle!"

"Huh..." Rainbow Dash leaned back, hugging herself as the game resumed. "Okay..."

"Okay, Sparkle!" Trixie sat up straight, rubbing her hooves together with a diabolical grin. "Never have I ever—"

Cave In

"Here, Trixie," Twilight calmly stammered, helping the other unicorn into the mouth of the cave. "Our tent's over here. Easy. One step at a time..."

"No fair—HIC!" The mare teetered in her grasp, eyes rolling as she shuffled left and right with rosy cheeks. "Sparkle cheated! HIC! Trixie knows it!"

"Heh... yes, well, whether I cheated or not, we can discuss that in the morning." Twilight smiled, opening the zippered entrance to their tent. "Right now, let's just get you to rest. You've had a long night of... uhm... taking shots and eating marshmallows."

"Trixie WILL find Sparkle's weakness! HIC! Trixie swears... mmmmm... zzzzzzzz..."

Twilight sighed. Rolling her eyes, she smirked at the other mares. "Thanks for being such good sports."

"Hey. Don't apologize." Rarity smiled as she and Pinkie trotted off to their tent inside the cave. "I found the experience rather... enlightening."

"Yeah!" Pinkie nodded. "Who knew that a pony that age had such an acute phobia of papercuts!" She blinked. "...and a demented love for pine cones?"

"Good night, girls," Twilight said, waving as she closed the tent. "See you all in the morning."

"Yes, good night, Twilight," Rarity said, stifling a yawn. "Fluttershy, darling, are you coming?"

"Mmmmm... yes." Fluttershy nevertheless lingered behind the others. She looked over her flank with a nervous expression.

Rainbow Dash strolled lonesomely towards her tent. Her head was bowed as she sighed quietly to herself. With gentle motions, she unzipped the thing and stepped inside. The mare was in the process of rolling out and fluffing her mattress when—

"Good night, y'all! Rest easy, now! We've got ourselves one heck of a hike in the mornin'!" And the tent closed up behind, twice as warm as before.

"Huh...?" Rainbow Dash blinked. She turned around, gaping at the other pony. "Applejack?"

Applejack stifled a yawn. "Heck of an evenin', huh, Sugarcube?" She smiled blearily as she shuffled over to her own sleeping mat. "I'll take the north end again."

"What are you doing here?" Rainbow squeaked.

Applejack squinted at her. "Uhm... catchin' some z's?"

"Yeah, but..." Rainbow gulped. "I figured that... that after what I had said earlier..."

"Huh?" Applejack blinked. Her ears twitched, and she smiled softly. "Oh... heh... yes, well..." A shrug. "That's silly games for ya. No hard feelings."

"No hard feelings?" Rainbow grimaced. "I just... totally lashed out at Stu Leaves for... for..." She clenched her teeth, then looked aside. "Never mind."

"No. It's obviously very important to you, so no point in ignorin' it." Applejack turned around three times and plopped down onto her sleeping mat. "Mmmmm... besides... reckon yer not the one who needs to be apologizin'."

"Huh?"

"Things got a mite bit heated back there." Applejack swallowed a lump down her throat. She avoided Rainbow's gaze. "Reckon I... d-didn't know why you was gettin' so competitive. And I... eheh... I-I reached a bit. Said some thangs I really shouldn't have."

Rainbow shrugged. "It's alright."

"I beg to differ." Applejack stared up at Rainbow, eyes narrow. "Yer one of my best friends, Rainbow. T'ain't proper for me to be throwin' jabs at you that ya dun deserve. Especially when we're supposed to be relaxin' all friendly-like."

"Yes, well... that's my fault." Rainbow sighed. "Stu Leaves isn't even here right now... and yet... I-I just can't let him go."

"Mmmmhmmm." Applejack smirked wryly. "The stallion does have a habit of stickin' to ya."

"But... but—like..." Rainbow grimaced. "He knows his boundaries." She sighed, hanging her head. "Which is the least that can be said about me."

"What makes you say that?"

"Pfffft. Isn't it obvious?" Rainbow bit her lip. "I'm... I'm jealous."

Applejack raised an eyebrow.

Rainbow looked up. "Jealous of how easily he's... mmmm... become such a good friend to you, Applejack." She shifted where she stood. "I know it sounds childish."

"Not at all." Applejack slowly shook her head. "Besides..." She smiled warmly. "Must be hard holdin' back when yer so... so..."

"... ... ...loyal?"

"Heh... right."

"Heheh... yeah..."

"Heheheh..."

Silence.

"AJ..."

"Yeah, Rainbow?"

Rainbow sat down, hugging herself with a slight shiver. "Do... do you really think I've been doing extra work as of late just to avoid you and the other girls?"

Applejack hung her head with a sigh.

Rainbow stared at her pensively.

"Lie down and get comfy, Rainbow..." Applejack slid underneath her own sleeping bag. "Let's have ourselves a little chat..."

When the Bombs Fell

"All my life, if there's one thang I've wanted to avoid bein'... it's selfish."

"Selfish... Applejack?"

"Mmmmm. Is that so hard to believe? After all, I have a lot on my shoulders. Ain't no sense in complainin' about it, so I don't. Not that I want to. Just a statement of fact that... that runnin' a farm and lookin' after the family ain't no easy task. I've always stuck to it with no difficulty. Still, a part of me has always been plum scared that I might... I dunno... fall away from the work at hoof and just go my own way."

"Pffft. That's totally not like you."

"I know. But that's the thang about fears. They're not so sensible, now are they? Ya see, Ma and Pa didn't have no choice when they left the family. Fate and circumstance took 'em without their say."

"Right..."

"It would have been so easy... so very easy to have just given up on the farm from the get-go and set out on my own life. And y'know what? I almost did just that! When I was a wee little filly!"

"Are... are you talking about when you were a kid and you went off to Manehattan to be with your Aunt and Uncle?"

"Right on."

"Applejack. Like... you were just a foal. You had your whole life ahead of you! Who knows what decision you would have made?"

"Well, I almost made the wrong one. The easy one. The... selfish one."

"Are you saying that all this time you've secretly wanted to ditch the farm and be a city mare?"

"Eh... not quite. But it's always stuck with me, y'know? That I so very easily could have given up on what's turned out to be a darn challengin'... mite stressful life."

"You don't strike me as if you have regrets."

"Darn tootin'! And... y'know... I've stuck to it! The apple buckin'. The corn shuckin'. The fruit vendorin' in downtown Ponyville..."

"You love your family, AJ."

"Without a doubt. And nothing's ever challenged that! And... and for the longest time, I never thought anythang would."

"... ... ...has that changed?"

"I... I'm not sure. I mean... I ain't no lazy mare."

"Of course not..."

"And I still lurve my family somethin' fierce. But... but I guess things started to get a bit strange when Twilight showed up."

"Strange?"

"Mmmm..."

"Strange in what way, AJ?"

"Like... I've always had friends and acquaintances, y'know? But never before have I had close friends like I've had with y'all. It's just... just so plum amazin'. It's like my whole life opened up a new chapter and the sunlight was shinin' across each paragraph all golden and glorious. Erhm... sorry for gettin' silly and metaphoric. Wish I could make it all clearer."

"Hehe... works for me..."

"And for the first time in my life... I-I felt as though I could have leisure time... leisure time I deserved. Y'all are... just so dang fun to be with."

"You're as strong and dependable as it gets, AJ. Nopony's gonna doubt your convictions."

"Reckon not. And I've managed to keep my loyalties intact between both my friends and my family. You haven't seen me shirkin' no responsibilities. That's for sure."

"Totally."

"In fact, I felt as though I had everythang in the bag. Which is why—I guess—when I see ponies... p-ponies like you startin' to show up less and less to get togethers... I... I unfairly judge ya for bein'... for bein' less strong than myself. And... oh gosh... that just ain't right, Rainbow. That ain't right at all."

"I... guess I can understand where you may have been coming from."

"I-I used to think the same about Rarity! I mean... you know the mare. Always fussin' with her dresses and mane. Dotin' on the stallions. So focused on her work and career. For a long time there, I thought purdy lowly of her. Took a lot of time and experience to rightly humble me."

"Heh... I feel you."

"But t'ain't no excuse for... for the things I said back there at the campfire. Mmmmff... it just sorta came out of me."

"At least it was honest."

"Was it, though? I dunno. I don't feel like I believe it, but I can't change the fact that I said it. And... and that I'm awful sorry."

"I forgive you, AJ."

"I was afraid you'd say that."

"Huh? You were afraid that I'd forgive you?"

"Yer loyal as can be, Rainbow. Sometimes... sometimes I think you'd forgive a steamroller for crushin' ya to death."

"... ... ..."

"...reckon that dun make much sense."

"I'm still trying to figure it out. Heh."

"Heheheheh... phweeeee... and then of course there's Stu."

"Uhm... what about him?"

"I dun blame you for feelin' less than pleased with the stallion, Rainbow. After all, I've... I've let myself get distracted by him."

"In... what way?"

"Pffft. You know. That time we rode home from yer cyclone trainin' together. I practically ignored you the whole ride."

"Eh... whatever. You two were having fun."

"Were we? I mean... is that all we are? Just fun-lurvin' ponies?"

"What are you trying to get at, AJ?"

"... ... ..."

"Applejack?"

"Stu's a fantastic stallion. But... but bein' around him... well... it brings back them old fears."

"...those old fears of being selfish?"

"Right..."

"What's so bad about that?"

"Simply because... because I find myself thinkin' about him more than you and the other girls... than even my own family. And that scares me."

"It scares you that you've made such a good friend?"

"No, Rainbow. I... I'm afraid you dun get it."

"Get what?"

"It scares me that... awww shucks... th-that I just m-might be fallin' in lurve..."

The Matter of Our Discussion

Rainbow Dash stared. Rainbow Dash lived. She may have also been breathing.

Applejack rubbed her hooves together in a pensive manner that was unbecoming of her. With a quivering lip, she looked up.

Rainbow Dash simply sat there on her mat, across the tent from her. Dead silent.

"Rainbow Dash?" Applejack murmured. "Did... did you hear what I—"

"You're in love with Stu?" the pegasus finally exhaled.

"I am. At least... I think. I feel..." Applejack gnashed her teeth and pulled at her mane, groaning. "Rrrrrrrgh..." She growled. "I hate this. I hate feelin' so... so plum stupid."

"St-stupid?"

Applejack's hat fell off her crown. With a mute gasp, she grasped it, then tried planting it back on her head. Frustrated, she slapped the thing on her mat and tucked it safely under the sleeping bag. Her next breath was a dry one. "It's a stupid thang to get so worked up about. I mean... he's just a pony. A very silly one at that."

"Yeah, well, he's Stu Leaves."

"I know that, consarn it! But..." Applejack sighed, pressing her hooves together once more. "...but he's so sweet. And he lurves helpin' around the farm. He ain't the strongest stallion in the world—not like it matters. But he tries awful hard to get thangs done, and he's constantly improvin' himself. And... and I keep findin' opportunities to help him get stronger at the thangs he does. And he keeps..." Her lips curved. Warmly. "...he keeps findin' ways to make me laugh... n'smile. When I thought that could only ever happen around family or... or round you girls."

Rainbow blinked. Her trembling eyes followed Applejack's freckles... watched as they disappeared from behind her dimples, fading away from view.

"And... and I just find that he's makin' me happy just by bein' around. Like... like t'ain't no effort in it at all. And... I'm no wiltin' violet, Rainbow." Applejack nevertheless gulped hard. "I can tell when a pony's nothin' but a walkin' bag of hooey. But Stu? He's silly... maybe a bit rough around the edges, for sure. But he's earnest. And I believe... I-I reckon he thinks the world of me."

"He does think the world of you."

"You see it too, huh?!" Applejack exclaimed, her response a bit more explosive and jubilant than both mares' anticipated.

Rainbow winced.

Applejack saw it. Ears folding back, she leaned on her haunches. "Rainbow..." She sighed. "Yer... yer the only pony I've told this to..."

"The... only... pony...?"

"I haven't told Big Mac. I haven't told Granny." Applejack bit her lip. Hard. "Sometimes, I look real hard into the mirror and I feel as though I haven't even told myself. I mean... we've been through this hogwash before! Relationships have... just never really appealed to me. Fraternizin' with a stallion seems like such a waste of valuable time. And with them always barkin' up yer hindquarters like rabid timberwolves after yer apple trees... eugh..."

"But Stu...?" Rainbow wheezed.

Applejack's body slowly rose and fell. "But Stu..." She sighed. "He ain't no prince charmin'... and he's no hunk—at least by Rarity's standards... or any mare's standards... or... or..." Applejack sighed, brushing her bangs back. "Rainbow, have... have you ever felt somethin' that you've never felt before?" Her emerald eyes looked up, glistening in dim starlight. "Somethin' that made you feel like there was a special place meant for you... and all yer life up until that one point it just made itself all scarce-like?"

Rainbow fought down a lump in her throat. "Every day that I live, Applejack," she murmured.

Applejack gazed at her. "I... I think I'm feelin' that too, Rainbow. But..." She grimaced. "I've never thought I'd ever have to deal with it before. And it's not like I'm being swept off my hooves or bein' romanced somethin' awful. I just... I-I just feel this flutter... this tenderness in my heart that... th-that I guess is made all the tinglier whenever Stu is around. And it's..." She gulped. "Reckon it's the high point of my week... my day. And try as I might to reason with myself that t'ain't no use in travelin' down that road any further... I just... mmmm... find myself missing that wonderful feelin' more and more..." She looked up. "I find myself missin' another pony... even when he's right in front of me."

Rainbow Dash hung her head. She convulsed, eyes clenched shut.

Applejack blinked. "Rainbow?" Her brow furrowed. "Is everythang—?"

"Grffff..." Rainbow Dash coughed. She rubbed her muzzle, shivering some more. "Just... cold in here." She sniffled. "Friggin' cave..."

"I... I'm sorry." Applejack fiddled on her side of the tent. Bundling up a blanket, she scooted over. "Here. Allow me to—"

"I'm fine. I'm fine." Rainbow Dash held a trembling hoof up. "Really. Thanks. I'm j-just..." She fought to keep her teeth from chattering. Numbness rolled through her body—icy and dreadful. She tilted her head to the left, avoiding Applejack's direct gaze. "...I'm thinking."

"Oh yeah?" Applejack wrapped the blanket around herself instead, staving off her own trembles. "What about, sugarcube? Please... I-I really want to know what you think..."

Rainbow Dash clenched her teeth. "Yeah..." Her voice cracked. "...what I think..."

Applejack bit her lip.

She waited...

Faithful and Strong

"I think..." Rainbow Dash breathed and breathed. "I think..." Her eyes darted around.

Applejack stared. Eyes bright.

"... ... ..." Rainbow cleared her throat. "I think... that you could... do a lot b-better than Stu..."

Applejack's ears folded back.

Rainbow's eyes shot towards her. "And... mmmmm... and yet..." She swallowed pins and needles down her throat. "...I think... at least I'm starting to believe... that love is what we make of it."

"How... how do you mean, Rainbow?"

"Like... for instance... you say that Stu Leaves is always trying to improve himself, right?"

"Right."

"Well... what matters more?" Rainbow narrowed her eyes. "That he'll make himself into a good stallion all because of you? Or... or that..." She fought the clattering of teeth. "...or that you'll just appreciate him because of his attempts to get better?" She fumbled with her fetlocks. "And if he can't be the best that there is... are you satisfied just with the affection you have for a pony that you know so well...?"

"Well, nopony's perfect, Rainbow."

Rainbow sniffed. "I beg to differ."

Applejack blinked. She chuckled.

Rainbow wheezed forth a meager laugh.

Applejack brushed her bangs back, sighed, then murmured: "I know that Stu ain't perfect."

Rainbow was silent. She waited for it.

"But..." Applejack cleared her throat. "I also know that I ain't lookin' for perfection. Shucks...sometimes I don't even know what I'm lookin' for."

"And yet..." Rainbow exhaled. "... ... ...you feel as though you're finding it anyways. Huh?"

"Yeah..." Applejack sighed warmly. She hugged herself. "And when I find it... I feel like somethin' far stronger and glorious-like has found me." She lifted her eyes. "Do you know what I'm talkin' about?"

"I... guess I could imagine."

"It... it would take time. And I know this. I know this." Applejack groaned. She rubbed her forehead, staring across the tent. "It'll take time to properly gauge who and what Stu Leaves is. I just... j-just reckon I ain't used to bein' like this."

"Being like what?"

Applejack gulped. "Bein' vulnerable."

Rainbow Dash blinked.

"And... knowin' that I'm settin' myself up to be vulnerable... to willfully give another pony my trust... a piece of my heart, if ya will." Applejack winced. "It... it almost feels as if I'm lettin' myself get weak. And... and in all the times I've ever lurved on my family and friends, I... I just never quite felt that before. That surrender. Because... because I know them, Rainbow. But Stu? I'm just startin' to know him. And I fear that I'll hate myself somethin' awful in the future if it turns out to be a big ol' mistake."

Rainbow Dash stared at her... at the bulbs of sweat forming along her temple. At the twinge of fright flickering across her green eyes.

And something melted deep inside the pegasus. It leaked out of her muzzle: "You? Applejack? Weak? Pffft! As if!"

Applejack looked up. "But... but Rainbow—"

"But nothing!" Rainbow Dash felt like she was plunging swiftly into the bottom of a ravine. She did the only thing she knew best in that kind of a situation. She bore a devilish smirk and faced annihilation head-on. "You're as strong and courageous as it gets! What could a silly moron like Stu do to a level-headed mare like you?!"

"But... I ain't exactly feelin' level-headed..."

"That's an easy mistake to make."

"What's that?"

Rainbow exhaled calmly. "Mixing your head up with your heart." She gulped. "But you, AJ? I don't think you have that problem." She shook her head. "I don't think you ever will. Believe me, it sucks."

Applejack's eyes darted. "Huh?"

"Errrrrr..." Rainbow Dash wheezed. "What I mean to say is... is..." She looked off. She closed her eyes. Then, leaning in, she spoke breathily. "I believe in you, Applejack." She reopened her ruby eyes, soft and sensitive. "I always have. Even back when we competed against each other... butted heads... it was just because I knew—deep down—you have more guts than me. You have more guts than anypony. What... what a pony wouldn't give..." She chuckled, shuddering slightly. "...to have even a fraction of what makes you so... so awesome." She clenched her jaw tight, eyes hard and piercing. "I believe you can do better than Stu Leaves. I believe that you deserve better. But that doesn't matter, does it?"

Applejack blinked. "Then... then what does...?"

"What matters is that you're happy," Rainbow Dash said. "And... and whatever happiness you want... that's the kind of happiness that you deserve..." She lost the air in her lungs, and it formed the words: "I wouldn't be a good friend if I didn't let you have that."

Applejack gazed at her. "... ... ...it almost... sounds like you've been through what I've been through before."

Rainbow Dash smiled limply. "I've had my ups and downs, sure. But now... more than anything..." She clenched and unclenched her teeth. "...I'm proud to have such good friends. Ponies I can be loyal to. And I want them to be happy." Her eyes met hers. "I want you to be happy. Sure, there's risk involved. But you've got what it takes, Applejack. Don't... d-don't make the mistake of not going for it."

Applejack stared at her. Eventually, her eyes fell. She exhaled through a nervous smile... then exhaled again. "It's... it's that simple, huh?"

"And even if it isn't..." Rainbow Dash smiled through a bit lip. "We're all here for you."

"Yeah... reckon you are, huh?"

Rainbow nodded. "Totally," she said, and it came out easier than she had expected.

Applejack sighed once more, a weight being lifted off her fuzzy shoulders. She brushed her bangs back and smiled towards the corners of the tent. "I... I knew th-there was a reason I could tell you all that, sugarcube." Her freckles reappeared, glinting like stars. "Yer as loyal as they come."

Rainbow existed in a smile. "G-guilty as charged," she breathed.

Beyond Anger and Denial

"You... uh..." Fluttershy fidgeted, flying limply up the craggy mountain path after the others. "You sure that it's fine for us to leave our things back there?"

"Ohhhhhh relax, sugarcube," Applejack said with a wave of the hoof. "It's barely an hour's trek between here and Winsome Falls. No need in truckin' that stuff there and back when all we're gonna do is relax and enjoy the sights."

"Yes, but..." Fluttershy bit her lip. "It's just so... off-putting to have all the supplies sitting alone there in the cave."

"Well, it's not all our stuff, dearie," Rarity remarked. "Twilight, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie have the picnic fixings."

"Yeah! Heehee!" Pinkie winked as she hopped along. "And I don't know a bear or mountain lion that desperate to gobble up sleeping bags or wagon wheels!" She stuck her tongue out. "Do you?"

"Well... no..."

"Will you just chillax, Fluttershy?" Rainbow Dash zipped past her briskly. The pegasus twirled twice in the air, then flew a few loopty-loops. "Besides! If any beast tries making off with our stuff, I can totally kick its butt!"

"Kick... its butt?"

Rainbow winked at her. She giggled and flew ahead, ascending the rest of the mountain.

"Hmmmm..." Trixie raised an eyebrow. "Rainbow horse appears to be fully rested today."

"Heheh... yeah." Twilight nodded. "Rainbow will surprise you like that. She doesn't have a lightning bolt for a cutie mark for nothing."

Fluttershy merely squinted. With silent curiosity, she tilted her head about and looked at Applejack.

Applejack trotted briskly. There was an extra spring in her step, and she grinned with warm freckles.

Fluttershy blinked. She took one last look at the cave that they were all leaving behind, then flew forward with a mixed look of confusion and concern.

Fwooooosh! Rainbow Dash lifted skyward until she was parallel to the crest of the mountain.

She breathed the crisp air in and out, ears twitching in the breeze.

Before her, puffy clouds lingered, leaking with pure untapped rainbow streams. These currents trickled into ponds and springs, forming crystal clear tributaries that rivered westward—only to cascade off the mountainside in brilliant waterfalls.

Rainbow exhaled slowly.

For the first time since rejoining Banner Company...

Since making friends with a tiny talking statue...

Since beginning quests with no apparent end...

...she felt like she had an opportunity to rest.

It was a soft enough sensation to pull a smile out from the depths of her being, beyond the cold and colder shudders.

"Hmmmm..." She grinned, her eyes calm and moist. "...awesome."

Winsome / Lonesome

"Look out, everypony!" Pinkie swallowed a morsel of toast and jam, rubbed her muzzle clean, and galloped forward at full speed. She left the picnic blanket and leapt towards the nearest pond, her body forming a pastel cannonball. "Geronimooo!"

Twilight Sparkle and Applejack waded inside the pond. As they felt the shadow of Pinkie Pie forming over them, they paused in splashing each other and flinched.

Splassssssh!

Pinkie dunked. Then—as the waves settled—she reemerged, spitting rainbow-colored water skyward in a fountain. She giggled—then shrieked as Applejack and Twilight took their revenge on her in bitter cold splashes.

"Pinkie! Honestly!" Rarity frowned. "And so soon after eating?! You'll only regret it!"

"Heeheehee! Oh Rarity—Ah!" Twilight shrieked and giggled as she splashed back at Pinkie. "You know her stomach's handled worse!"

"Come and join us, gals!" Applejack hollered, dunking Pinkie before backstroking across the pond. "Sure, it may be cold, but heck if it ain't refreshin'! Wooo!" Splash!

"Hmmmf!" Trixie bit into crackers with peanut butter spread. She sat beside Rarity, sharing the same umbrella. "Trixie is above such foalish forms of self-expression! It's nice and comfortable here on the picnic blanket!"

"Oh darling. Live a little." Rarity winked, sipping daintily from a teacup. She smiled as her eyes sparkled with the rainbow cloudfalls looming above them. "Life is most exquisite when one savors tranquil moments such as this."

"Trixie doesn't see how that must involve a liberal plunge into bone freezing water."

"Oh, I'm sure it's not that cold." Rarity mused. "Besides..." She innocently swirled her tea before taking another sip. "You and Twilight can keep each other warm."

"Hmmmm..." Trixie's blue muzzle took on a slightly purple hue. "Sparkle certainly does possess insulating fuzz—" She froze in mid-speech, pupils shrinking. Trixie's gaze flashed in Rarity's direction.

Rarity's eyelashes fluttered as she gazed calmly back.

"... ... ..." Trixie munched the last of her crackers then stood up on trembling legs. "Come to think of it... some ice cold water may be just what Trixie needs right now..." And she hobbled off.

"Mmmmm..." Rarity's lips curved as she dabbed her chin with a napkin. "Indeed."

Meters away from the group of water-splattering ponies, Rainbow Dash perched on a plateau, overlooking the scene. She sat quietly, serenely. Then...

"So..." Fluttershy touched down, squatting beside the mare. She cleared her throat. "You're looking... calm."

"Yeah. How does it look on me?" Rainbow droned out the side of her muzzle. "Does it make me look fat?"

"Rainbow, is everything okay?" Fluttershy gulped. "Especially... especially after last night?"

"Hmmm?" Rainbow blinked. "Oh. You mean that whole campfire game thing?"

Fluttershy bit her lip.

Rainbow turned to look at Fluttershy. She smiled.

Fluttershy gulped. "Rainbow, I'm worried about you."

"Don't be," Rainbow softly said.

"Did... did anything happen between you and Applejack?"

Rainbow shook her head. "No," she replied. She gazed at the pond. "And I'm starting to think that... maybe nothing ever will."

Fluttershy's ears folded back. She squirmed, and her voice took on an emotional quiver as she exhaled: "Rainbow, I—"

"Hey..." Rainbow shrugged. "Maybe I'm okay with that." She gulped. "Maybe what I'm here to do in life is... let go... by hanging on."

"Huh?" Fluttershy blinked.

"What I want... what I need... and Applejack for that matter..." Rainbow gestured. "Is right in front of me. All around me." She gazed into the sky with a tranquil breath. "It's right here."

"Rainbow, I... I'm afraid I don't understand," Fluttershy murmured.

"Well, I'm starting to." Rainbow turned towards her. "Just as I think I finally understand now... after all these years... why the prettiest pegasus in all of Cloudsdale only wanted me as a friend."

Fluttershy blinked. Her eyes turned glossy.

Rainbow leaned over and nuzzled the mare. "Shhh... don't fret..." She leaned back with a grin. "It's all cool."

"Rainbow Dash..."

"Hey! AJ!" Rainbow Dash flapped her wings. "Think you're queen of the pond, huh?!"

"What in the hare are you—?!" Applejack looked up, and her pupils shrank. "Awwwwwww Tartarus."

"Rainbow!" Twilight shrieked, hiding behind Pinkie Pie as a petite shadow overcame them. "Noooo—!"

"Cannonballllll!" Rainbow plunged into the drink.

SPLOOOOOOSH!

"Weeeeeee!" Pinkie cheered as she and Twilight went sailing downstream.

"Sparkle!" Trixie hollered, galloping desperately after the pair. "Hold on! Trixie will save you!"

Somewhere, Applejack surfaced, her freckled face full of droplets and guffaws. She and Rainbow Dash engaged in a heated splashing war.

From afar, Fluttershy blinked. She let loose a melancholic sigh before resting her chin on her forelimbs. She bore a soft smirk.

Decaders

“Where do I see myself in ten years?” Twilight Sparkle remarked.

“That's right,” Rarity said with a nod.

“Well...” The unicorn tapped her chin. Having long dried of the rainbow-tinted spring water, the seven mares lay on the grass alongside Winsome Falls. A royal sunset melted into the horizon, cascading rosy light over their figures as they casually stared at the blossoming stars above. “It's always been a big dream of mine to teach at Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns.”

“Honestly, Sparkle?” Trixie remarked.

“Honestly.” Twilight sighed with a dreamy smile on her face. “So many of the professors and teachers there are my heroes.” She gulped. “None like Celestia, y'know... but... pffft... not like I'd ever become a princess.” She stifled a yawn. “Besides, being a Princess sounds boring.”

“Do speak for yourself, darling,” Rarity said.

“I thought I just did,” Twilight droned.

“I may not be of royal blood.” Rarity smirked from ear to ear. “But that doesn't mean I can't marry into the court.”

“Ah jeez.” Applejack rolled her eyes.

“Scoff if you must! But out there somewhere, my handsome prince is waiting for me!” She sighs long and soft. “And in ten years time, I see myself strolling by his side along a lush garden, enjoying some quality romantic time together before I go back to my bustling boutique.”

“Huh?!” Pinkie glanced upside down at her. “Wouldn't you give-up the boutique if you marry a prince?”

“Pffft! Are you joking, Pinkie?! After all those ballgowns I'd be exposed to?! I'd have to step up my game!”

“Well I would love to go on tour and give parties to allllll the ponies in Ponyville!” Pinkie grinned wide. “I'd have my own party wagon with my name on it!”

“Eugh...” Trixie grumbled. “Good luck with that.”

“Well what about you Miss High and Mighty Lulamoon?” Applejack remarked.

“Trixie, of course, is going to be a grand wizard in Canterlot!” The mare blinked. “Or Manehattan. Or Trottingham. Or wherever else they'll have Trixie!”

“Pffft...” Applejack fought the urge to giggle. “And yer wishin' Pinkie Pie luck?”

“What about you, Apple horse?”

“Eh... workin' on the farm, of course.”

“Do I detect an air of regret?”

“Eeenope!”

The other mares laughed.

Fluttershy giggled. “I... uhm...” She smiled rosily. “...would love to have my own foals.”

“In ten years, darling?” Rarity remarked.

Fluttershy shrugged. “Why not? The longer I choose to enrich my life, the better.”

“Oh lawd...” Applejack facehoofed. “Please dun tell me who yer plannin' on havin' kids with.”

“Heeheee...” Fluttershy winked. “If you insistttt...”

“What about you, Dashie?” Pinkie asked.

The other six heads pivoted about, colorful eyes blinking.

Rainbow stared up at the forming stars. She inhaled. “Where will I be in ten years?”

“Lemme guess.” Twilight smirked. “With the Wonderbolts.”

“Woohoo!” Pinkie cheered.

“Maybe...” Rainbow shrugged. “Maybe not.”

“Well...?”

“Wherever I am... so long as it's... it's with friends...” Rainbow gulped. “Then I'm pretty sure I'd be happy...” She glanced over. “Y'know?”

Fluttershy smiled sweetly at her.

“Well, I couldn't agree more,” Twilight said.

“Dang straight, sugarcube.”

“Hear hear!” Rarity chirped.

“Mmmmm... yes...” Trixie folded her forelimbs. “Friendship isn't so bad, Trixie thinks.”

Twilight and the others glanced at her.

She rolled her eyes. “But you did not hear that from Trixie!”

“Don't worry, girl!” Pinkie stuck her tongue out. “What happens in Winsome Falls stays at Winsome Falls!”

“Heeeheehee!”

“Hahaha!”

“Heh heh heh...”

“Mmmmm...” Rainbow Dash hugged herself. Her smile was ever so slightly vacant as she murmured. “Yeah...”

Homecoming

Days later...

On the edge of Ponyville...

"Yes! Civilization!" Trixie skipped forward ahead of Applejack and her wagon. "Ohhhhhh how Trixie missed civilization!"

"Heehee!" Pinkie Pie waved a hoof. "Ahoyyyyyyyyyy there, Civilization!"

Fluttershy giggled. "Not to be a party-pooper, but I think I'm going to get a head start on returning home." She stifled a yawn. "It's been fun, everypony. So very... very fun, but I do have to check on my animal buddies."

"Ya sure ya dun mean check up on Big Mac?" Applejack said with a wink.

"I... erm... n-no..." Fluttershy pouted, cheeks puffy and red. "But... mmmmaybe if I'm in the vicinity..."

Applejack chuckled and waved a hoof. "Get a move on, sugarcube. It's been a knee-slappin' good time."

"Yes. Very." Fluttershy beamed, flying backwards. "I do hope we get to do it more often."

"Absolutely!" Twilight exclaimed.

"Darn tootin'," Applejack added with a wink.

"Goodbye everypony!" Fluttershy waved, giggling. "It's been an absolute blast!"

"I agree. But I must be getting home as well." Rarity trotted off. "I must take the longest shower of my adult life."

"Ungh." Twilight rolled her eyes. "Really, Rarity?"

"Yes, darling. And I would suggest the same for you."

"It's camping!" Twilight's voice cracked. "What would you expect?" She stood in place, blinking. Her muzzle scrunched as she raised a forelimb and sniffed herself.

Trixie leaned in. "Trixie thinks Sparkle smells just fine."

"We all know what you think, Trixie."

"Buh?"

"Better go home and check on the library," Twilight said. "Assuming Spike hasn't... I dunno... invited a bunch of dragon friends over and emptied Golden Oaks of all its gemstones."

"He can do that?"

"Truth is stranger than fiction." Twilight waved and trotted off. "So long, everypony! I'll be sure to write Celestia lots of what I learned about this experience!"

"I'm assumin' you'll leave out some of the saucy 'never have I ever' parts, ya reckon?"

"Saucy?" Twilight blinked from afar. "What was so saucy about—"

"Sparkle won't mention a word!" Trixie barked, pushing the other unicorn along. "Trixie will make certain of it!"

"But... but I don't get—"

"Move along, Sparkle."

"Heehee..." Pinkie Pie winked at the remaining two mares. "They'd make good sisters, don't you think?"

"Heh... sure..." Rainbow Dash smirked at Applejack. "Sisters."

Applejack winked back.

"Welp! I gotta go and give Gummy his weekly bath or else he gets grumpy!" She hopped off. "So long and thanks for all the trail mix!"

"But Pinkie..." Rainbow squinted crookedly. "You made all the trail mix."

"Did I?" WHUMP! "Oh hey! Sugarcube Corner! Right where I left you!" The front door's bell rang. "So longies, friendies!" And she hopped inside.

Applejack chuckled, then sighed. "Well, sugarcube, guess this is where we part ways."

"Yup." Rainbow nodded from where she hovered with her saddlebags. "You'll be okay with that wagon?"

"Pffft. I've been haulin' it all trip." Applejack winked. "Besides, I'm sure to get plenty of help long before I return home."

"Heh. Good point." Rainbow cleared her throat. "I... uh... gotta rest up. My time off is over with, and I got lots of cyclone-practicing to do tomorrow."

"Best of luck with that."

"Oh, I've got... plenty of help in that area."

"Guess we're both lucky, huh?"

"Sure." Rainbow Dash nodded. "Sure thing, AJ."

"This..." Applejack fidgeted slightly. "Was a really good trip, Rainbow."

"Oh, totally."

"It... it helped nicely." She gulped, smilingly tenderly up at the mare. "Really, it did."

"That's cool."

"Yeah... cool..."

"Yeah."

Silence.

"Well..." Applejack smirked, saluted, and pivoted about. "Wagons west..."

"Ugh..." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Bet you were waiting days to say that."

"You dun know me that well."

"And you suck at lying."

"Heheh... yeah..." Applejack sighed, shuffling off with a smile. "Reckon I do."

Rainbow Dash watched her... for a bit longer than she needed to. About two minutes into Applejack's departure, she was joined by a masculine figure. As soon as Applejack saw him, her ears perked up. She stopped the wagon in time to lean in, sharing a gentle nuzzle and a hug with the pony.

Then, after a brief exchange, Stu Leaves hitched himself to the wagon in Applejack's stead, and the two continued the rest of the trek to Sweet Apple Acres, taking their sweet time.

Rainbow Dash forced a heavy lump down her throat. Courageously, she spun around, breaking off her vision of the pair. Then she flew slowly for her cloud home on the east end of town.

Alone.

Choose Where You Linger

Her eyes were too tired to even be bloodshot. Rainbow Dash squinted along the lengths of her sighs, lying on her side in the middle of her bed. She had long lost all energy to toss and turn. Limp muscles and even limper lungs kept her plastered to the mattress cover as the seconds... minutes... and hours ticked away.

Her jaw muscles clenched. Ruby pupils traced the ceiling. The shadows all looked the same, though they weighed heavier now.

That room was a vault for dead things. Rainbow Dash knew it.

She continued lying in place.

Eventually, daylight peeked through the window, and that drew the deepest sigh of all. She finally swung herself up into a sitting position. Dull eyes fell on an even duller alarm clock.

She waited several agonizing, endless seconds. At last, the alarm went off—and her numb fetlock struck the off-switch milliseconds later.

On stiff legs, Rainbow Dash stood up and trotted towards her shower.

With a grunt, she pushed a cloud into position over the west end of Ponyville.

Rainbow Dash hovered in place, blinking.

She had flown these skies countless times before, kicking and clearing polynumerous clouds that all looked the same. Part of her wondered if everything was the same, and by some strange whim of fate she was kicking and reforming the exact same water molecules every time.

In the distance, Thunderlane shouted something. Rainbow saluted back from afar. Her eyes drifted west—towards Sweet Apple Acres. There was no chance in identifying any pony on the ranch at that distance, so she didn't bother trying.

Clenching her teeth, Rainbow spun and kicked the thunder cloud, causing it to rain on the park grounds below.

Rainbow drew a chariot with the Banner Company logo across Ponyvillean skies. She banked to the left, skirting her way towards the north end of town. Her eyes locked on a warehouse in the distance.

As she passed the round structure of Ponyville Town Hall, Rainbow's vision hung to the left. She spotted the central marketplace down below. Vendor after vendor stood, brightly painted in the afternoon light. Just as soon as her eyes made out the shiny outline of a large wooden apple, the Town Hall building blocked her view.

Rainbow took a deep breath. Flapping her wings harder, she carried the wagon to her destination.

With a wave of her hoof, Rainbow Dash flipped through the sheets on her clipboard. Her ruby eyes traveled down the list of pegasus names—along with the data taken from their recent flight measurements.

Her muzzle scrunched as she contemplated the information. She heard laughter to her left. The mare pivoted to look.

Stu Leaves, Sharp Quill, and a hoof-full of other pegasi stood along the northern fringes of the Everfree Forest. While other teams practiced their tornadic motions, Rainbow's group relaxed while sharing anecdote after anecdote. Stu was evidently the center of attention. Ponies laughed as he murmured and gestured wildly. At one point, his eyes made contact with Rainbow's. With a grin, he motioned her to come join the conversation.

With a gulp, Rainbow calmly shook her head, then pointed at her clipboard.

Stu almost said something—but was distracted by something Sharp Quill was sharing. The stallion rejoined the discussion, chuckling with warm cheeks.

Rainbow Dash pivoted from everyone else. With a deep groan, she trotted off, putting as much distance between her and them as she could, until she was someplace quiet that afforded concentration.

Night had fallen.

Rainbow Dash stepped out of the shower, flapping her dexterous wings to dry herself off. Eventually, she trotted back into her bedroom.

She froze.

The mare stood dead-still, eyes locked on the shadowy interior of her domain.

A long breath rolled through her. Angrily, she clenched her teeth together, then reached for a pillow and blanket.

Rainbow fwomped onto her side, reclining across a couch in the middle of her foyer. The seats were small—claustrophobic, even—but that was hardly a problem for her. With a shuddering breath, Rainbow wrapped the blanket around her petite self.

Once she was absolutely certain that her back was to her bedroom door, she nuzzled her head into the pillow, closed her eyes...

...and actually managed to drift off for once.

Raise Your Dash

Rainbow Dash cradled a mug of cider in one hoof and rubbed her face with another.

"I'm happy for her... I am... I am..."

She lifted her bleary eyes up from the tabletop below. "I'm happy for her! I'm totally... totally happy for her!"

Lyra, Bon Bon, Vinyl, and Caramel stared back at her.

"... ... ...well..." Vinyl cleared her throat. "If that's the case... then what brings you here tonight?"

Rainbow sighed. She lifted the mug to her muzzle again. "Cuz I wanna drink until I'm happy for her."

"I'm confused," Bon Bon said, squirming in her seat. "Wasn't the whole point of the camping trip to... to sort that out?"

"Mfrnnnghhh..." Rainbow finished sipping. She wiped the foam from her chin and glared into the neon lights of the nearby window. "The whole point of the camping trip was to prove that I can still be a loyal friend."

"So what's the big friggin' problem?" Lyra droned.

Rainbow siggggggggghed. "The big friggin' elephant-in-the-room murdering problem is that I can't stop wanting to be her pony lover and her best friend!"

"Well..." Caramel smiled nervously. "Who says you c-can't be both?"

Lyra glared at him. "What, are you goddess-dayum stupid, girl?"

"Errrrr..." Ears drooping, Caramel hung his head. "Lyra's right..."

"Rainbow, don't you see what you're doing wrong?" Lyra squinted across the table. "You keep expecting everything from life. Well, news update. Life sucks. If you can't pick and choose, then maybe you gotta just learn to settle."

Rainbow grumbled into her mug. "That's the most unawesome thing I've ever heard ever..."

"Face the music, Rainbow." Lyra stifled a yawn, then gestured at herself and Vinyl. "Celestia knows we have."

"Uhm..." Caramel smiled hopefully. "Life has dresses, though."

"Yeah!" Lyra cackled, waving a hoof at Rainbow. "But Lil Miss Toilet Water over here thinks she can wear a kimono and a tutu at the same time! And that's just not how it friggin' works!"

"Keep your voice down," Bon Bon droned. "Honestly..."

"No! I'm tired of playing nice with Miss Drunk'n'Stuff!" Lyra growled at Rainbow. "Rainbow, girl, if you can't accept the fact that your favorite hayseed has been swept away by crows, then you gotta find a way to get with the program!"

"But... but..." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "He's so... averaaaaaage."

"Is that what really matters, Rainbow?" Bon Bon inquired. "Or is it what Applejack thinks of him?"

"Meh."

"So your camping trip proved that you can let her be happy," Vinyl said. "Now you gotta find a way to let yourself be happy."

"Like how?"

"Like stop obsessing all the time!" Vinyl shrugged. "Find a way to distract yourself until you're not thinking about how miserable you are twenty-four seven."

"Go on a trip!" Caramel said, eyes bright. "Vacations always make me feel good!"

"Ooooh... like a scenic trip to Dream Valley!" Bon Bon cooed.

Vinyl gestured. "Anahaym. It's not so crowded this time of year."

"How about going for a dip off the edge of the world," Lyra droned.

"Lyra!" Bon Bon hissed. "Not helping!"

"I... I dunno..." Rainbow gulped. "I was sorta hoping I could drown myself in my work."

"How's that going for you?" Caramel asked.

"Mmmmmm-not good."

"Well, how about hobbies?" Vinyl asked.

"Huh?" Rainbow looked up.

"You've got hobbies, don't you?"

"I... fly... fast...?"

Silence.

Vinyl leaned forward. "Yeah..." She squinted through her shades. "...and?"

Rainbow Dash blinked. Tonguing the inside of her muzzle, she stared around the lengths of the bar, quiet and contemplative...

Equestria's Leader is a Lizard Horse

"Haaaaaaaaah!" Rainbow Dash dive kicked heroically through the air.

"Look out!" shouted the lizard queen, her crooked tiara rattling. "We've been found by the Diabolical Dash!"

WHAMMMM! Rainbow Dash impacted with the throneroom floor, knocking dozens of lizard ponies off their hooves/claws. "Httt!" She spun, dodged a half-dozen thrown spears, then cartwheeled into an armored crocodile horse.

"Ooomf!" He flew backwards and slammed into a series of pillars that spontaneously exploded. P-POWWW!

Rainbow winced, but nevertheless kept charging into the monsters around her. "Haa! Wa-taaaa!" WHACK! Th-THWACK!

"Gaaaieee!" An alligator mule fell into a pile of stolen gemstones. They exploded. BOOOM!

Rainbow froze in place, grimacing. Her eyes reflected the flames spreading across the throneroom. "...uhm..."

"Kill her!" the lizard queen shouted, rushing into her escape zeppelin. "Protect the mutant killer hydra eggs at all costs!"

"Mraaaaaaaugh!" A wave of armored thugs charged right at Rainbow Dash, their spears raised. "Our lives for the Queen!"

"Not so fast—!" Rainbow merely flapped her wings.

"Uuuunf!" The thugs flew off their claws, fell into moat, and—KABLAAAAM!

Rainbow sheltered herself behind the throne as flames erupted everywhere. She gnashed her teeth. "Hey... uhm... could you—"

KAPOWWWW! The ceiling to the fortress gave way, showering shards of plaster everywhere.

Rainbow growled. "Look, that's enough with—"

B-BOOOM! The throne exploded behind her, spilling flames and smoke.

"Rrrrrrrgh..." Rainbow stood up tall. "Okay—pause! Pause it!" Brilliant fireballs erupted behind her. "I mean it, Epcot! Just... just turn it off for a sec!"

Almost immediately, everything froze. Explosions locked into place like painted portraits. Screaming lizards hovered from where they were catapulted by concussive blasts. Somewhere amidst the surreality, a vertical seam opened like a paper slit and Epcot calmly trotted through.

"What's the matter, Rainbow Dash?" she asked. "Is this not exciting enough?"

Rainbow Dash exhaled. "Look, I really appreciate all of this. I mean, you went to some really awesome lengths to provide an awesome adventure."

"It's simply borrowing from past imaginations." Epcot smiled, cheeks rosy. "You'd be surprised how many ancient alicorns believed in an evil reptilian conspiracy."

"Yeah, and I dig that. But... like..." Rainbow grimaced. "Does it have to be so... so loud?"

"That was the 'exciting' and 'distracting' part, per your request." Epcot gulped. "Or so I had assumed."

"Yeah, but... like... I dunno..." Rainbow rubbed her ear and fidgeted. "Could you—maybe—dial back on the explosions a bit?"

Epcot blinked... then blinked again. "Are you requesting... less explosions?"

Rainbow Dash instantly paled. "I'm not saying it sucks—"

"Less... explosions..." Epcot gazed blankly into infinite thoughtspace. "...less..."

"Ah jeez..." Rainbow grimaced. "I-I really hope I didn't break you, Epcot."

"Not broken." Epcot rubbed her head, eyes rolling. "Just... urp... confused."

"You did great with this! Really, you did!"

"Then please do elaborate." Epcot looked up. "Where did I fail?"

"It's not a failure, really. Just..." Rainbow waved a hoof. "It's just too intense."

"That was what you specified, though."

"Er... I know that..."

"Maybe if I replaced the lizard ponies with spider ponies." Epcot grinned. "Some mortals like to have their fear centers tickled by imaginative circumstances."

"That... that's not gonna cinch it either." Rainbow cleared her throat. "It's just that... I've been through truly life-threatening situations in real life. And... and I guess I just can't... get my head into this. No matter how much polish you put on it." She smiled awkwardly. "Adding explosions isn't helping either."

"Hmmmm... quite a curious circumstance." Epcot tapped her chin, then fluffed her sparkly mane. "Maybe, then, the key is to surprise you with a truly random dream scenario."

"Yeah, but... the more I think about it..." Rainbow bit her lip. She stared down at her fidgeting hooves.

Epcot smiled. "In the end, you still know it will be a dream."

Rainbow sighed. "Yeah..."

Epcot trotted over and rested a hoof on Rainbow Dash's shoulder. "Rainbow, friend, I am pleased to provide you with a dose of escapism. But I think we've both known from the start that cider space simply does not provide the same relief to you as it does for others."

Rainbow looked up. "So then what should I do?"

"Something in the mortal realm, of course," Epcot said.

"But... like... I've done just about everything! Adventure... danger... you name it!" She grimaced. "And I did them all of the name of... y'know... the best friend that I'm... trying not to obsess about right now."

Epcot glanced off to the side. She smiled.

Rainbow blinked. "What?"

"Then the solution is simple." Epcot's bright eyes swam back to her. "Do something that Rainbow Dash normally wouldn't do."

"Like what?"

Epcot merely winked.

Rainbow Dash's eyes twitched. Her ears folded. "Ah jeez..."

The Styles that Bind

"Oh, it's coming along just swimmingly, Rainbow Dash!" Rarity grinned. Rarity squealed. Rarity flounced about Rainbow Dash with fabrics, silks, and ribbons a'plenty. "I had this design waiting in the wings for months! Ever since the first time you graced this stage... I just knew... I knew you'd be coming back! And then—teehee—after that little revelation of yours at the campfire—"

"I... uh..." Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth, fidgeting in the confines of a stupidly shimmery number. With several tresses trailing and several hems having to be adjusted, she resembled a mauve bridesmaid caught in a hurricane. "I think it may have just b-been the cider talking, Rares..."

"Please, darling." Rarity waved a hoof in the air of the Carousel Boutique. "How could a mare with such natural beauty as yourself possibly despise this?"

"That's just it," Rainbow grumbled, fighting wave after wave of invasive itch. "Every so often, friends like you ramble on about this 'natural beauty' that I'm supposed to have. And—quite frankly—I just don't friggin' see it."

"Well, I'm quite proud of you for having the faith to come here and allow me to show you." Rarity winked. "Just you wait, Rainbow Dash." She wandered closely around the pegasus, sticking pins into the fabric and adjusting. "With a little bit of accents and some strategic braiding—"

"Braiding?!"

"Why, yes! The colors in your mane are just begging for it, darling!" Rarity giggled. "You'll be like a walking supernova on the dance floor!"

"Hmmmm..." Rainbow Dash raised her hoof to tap her chin. Rarity immediately lowered it and resumed her work. "Supernovas are kinda cool, actually..."

"Never underestimate the power of beautiful braids!" Rarity stifled a giggle. "Why, it even works on Applejack!"

"Wait." Rainbow Dash blinked across the Boutique. "What."

"And with Applejack, you want to play it subtle, because she has a down-home country mystique that simply pours out of her when her blond mane is worn in any other way than that... ehhh... boring ponytail."

Rainbow's eyes darted left... right... and then she blurted: "Oh! You mean—like—at the Grand Gallopping Gala way back." She sighed through a gentle smile. "Yeah, that was a pretty nifty hairdo."

"No, darling, I mean just yesterday."

"Yest...erday...?"

"Heehee! I know! Isn't this just a fabulous week! First Applejack visits the Boutique, now you!" Rarity levitates a pincushion and starts sliding the needles in place. "All I need is for Pinkie Pie to show up and—"

"Why... did... erm..." Rainbow gulped. "...Applejack show up?"

"Hmmm? Oh! Heeheeheeheeeeeeeeeee..."

Rainbow's brow furrowed. "Rarityyyy..."

"Something about an evening dinner she's planning with a certain stallllllionnnnnnn..." Rarity whispered, "But you didn't hear it from me." She giggled again.

Rainbow clenched her eyes shut. Suddenly, she leaned into Rarity's work.

"Oh!" Rarity grimaced. "Rainbow! Move still! Honestly!" She patted the mare's side. "Do you want me to prick you with the pins?"

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaybe..."

Nuts

Rainbow Dash rummaged through the branches of a pine tree. She looked up... down... left and right. At last, there was a patch of scurrying movement. Rainbow squinted into an array of intersecting branches. There, she spotted a bushy tail and a pair of beady-eyes glinting back at her.

Rainbow pointed her hoof at the figure, then raised a clipboard to her lips. She drew an additional hash-mark across the sheet... then dove off the tree.

Fwoooosh! Rainbow joined Fluttershy on the ground of the Ponyville park where she was sliding beads across an abicus.

"Found eight more," Rainbow said, waving the clipboard. "Three in the thicket, four in the bushes, and one in the pine tree up there."

"Oh, how wonderful!" Fluttershy smiled, sliding another bead across. "At this rate, I'll be able to feed the otters by sundown!"

"Yeah, well, there's still the southwest end of the park to cover."

"There aren't many trees there," Fluttershy said. "It shouldn't take much longer." She looked up with a grin. "Thank you so much for helping me accomplish the annual Ponyville Squirrel Census, Rainbow. Who knew you had such an eye for finding bushy-tailed rodents?"

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow Dash coughed, then looked over her shoulder. "It wasn't exactly a talent I was born with."

Fluttershy giggled.

Rainbow squinted. "What?"

"I'm just trying to imagine you with a squirrel for a cutie mark." Fluttershy covered her grinning muzzle. "Strangely appropriate."

"Yeah...?" Rainbow slid a pen behind her ear and smirked curiously. "In what way?"

"Well, sometimes, if I squint really hard... I can imagine you as a fuzzy blue squirrel with a rainbow tail."

"Eugh..." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Fluttershy, I swear. You're as weird as they get."

"Maybe it's because you're so fuzzy and pet—"

"Don't you start."

"Erm... r-right." Fluttershy nervously picked up her abicus and began strolling towards the southwest edge of the park. "Still, it is nice of you to help out. I would have asked Big Macintosh, but..."

"But what?" Rainbow followed her with the clipboard.

"He's been super busy as of late."

Rainbow arched an eyebrow. "Coltfriend problems, Flutters?"

"Oh no." Fluttershy shook her head with a grin. "He just has to pull double-time today and tomorrow at the farm ever since Applejack—" Her pupils shrank and she bit her lip.

"... ... ...ever since Applejack what?"

"Oh! Uhhhh... look, Rainbow!" Fluttershy pointed high at the nearest branches. "There's a whole family up there! Including Albert! Have you ever seen an albino squirrel?"

"Is Applejack okay?!"

"Rainbow, I-I thought you came here so that you would—"

"She's not sick or anything—?!"

"Oh, goodness, no!" Fluttershy shook her head. "She's merely having a... a..." She grimaced.

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash blinked. "A date."

"Well..." Fluttershy fidgeted. She blew a lock of pink hair out from before her face. "What's in a word? Things... are up to interpretation, after all."

Rainbow clenched her eyes shut. She shook in place.

"Uhm... Rainbow?" Fluttershy winced. "Are.... are you going to be okay?"

At last, Rainbow relaxed with a sigh. "...of course, Flutters. After all..." She flapped her wings. "I've got squirrels to count." FWOOOOOOOOOOSH! She soared into the treetops with the force of an exploding rocket.

"Rainbow! Please! Not so fast—!" Fluttershy winced as a resounding THUDDDD emanated from the trees. The air filled with angry barking, and two squirrels fell from a great height. "Eeep!" Flinching, Fluttershy darted left and right, catching the angry rodents in her soft embrace. She sighed, nuzzling them so that they calmed down. "Thank Celestia I didn't ask her help in the annual Porcupine Round-Up..."

Checked Out

"Hmmmmmmmmmm..." Twilight Sparkle levitated several tomes across the air of Golden Oaks Library. "What aboutttttt..." She licked her lips, then opened one floating book in particular. "Ah! Here's one you're bound to like!" She turned around and held the thing out to Rainbow Dash. "Check this out!"

Rainbow Dash lethargically rummaged through a tower of books. She turned to squint at Twilight's offering. "Uhhhh..." Petite blue hooves reached out and grasped the tome. "What's this?"

"A heroic epic!" Twilight proudly squee'd. "The Oatessy by the legendary Homare! It's about a pony that goes on a longggggggg and exciting quest that takes her all the way around the world—"

"Meh." Rainbow Dash made a gagging sound and slapped the book down onto the top of the tower. "Sounds like a big waste of my time."

"Oh." Twilight blinked. "Well... uhm..." She hoofed through a few more floating books. "How about this one?"

"Mmmmm...?"

"It's an intricate, introspective character sketch of two genius musicians emotionally bound by their own individual frailties. One of them's mute and is madly in love with the other—"

"Ew! No." Rainbow Dash winced. Hard. "No love. No love whatsoever."

"Mmmmm... no love, huh?" Twilight Sparkle stared at the floating array. "Then... I guess that just leaves us with Stirrop Tzu's Art of Whinny or Marechiavelli's The Princess." She waggled her eyebrows. "Trixie's a big fan of the latter."

"What's with all the funny author names."

"Heehee... genius comes with an ounce of eccentricity, don't you think?"

"Meh."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Well... you came here asking for a way to 'get distracted.' What better way to get distracted than with a good book?"

"Eeeeugh..." Rainbow Dash slumped to the floor, sighing. "I... I'm sorry, Twi..." She pushed at a few of the books with a lazy hoof. "I know I'm being—like—super difficult."

"Nothing to apologize for!" Twilight sing-songed as she slid several tomes back onto their shelves. "I'm tickled pink that you'd even entertain the idea of getting into reading!"

"I'm not even sure what I want to get into anymore," Rainbow grumbled. "I just feel... frustrated at every turn."

"Well, if reading isn't the sort of thing to relax you, then don't force it." Twilight shuffled across the library. "If you want my advice, I'd say do something that you feel most comfortable doing."

"Like what?"

"Something... that inspires confidence in yourself." Twilight smiled. "And with others."

"Like...?"

"Well..." Twilight tapped her chin as her eyes searched the ceiling. "...when you first dropped Trixie on my doorstep, I thought I was going to go out of my mind with anger and annoyance."

"Uh huh..."

"Instead!" Twilight grinned. "Turns out that having her around is must refreshing!"

"Uh huh... ... ..."

"I mean it!" Twilight gestured. "With Spike, I've always had the privilege of fostering a young mind. But he's still just a lab assistant, if you think about it. I seriously doubt that Spike is always going to be obsessed with magic as I am. But with Trixie... I know that her career aligns with mine! Each moment I spend with her... improving her magical pursuits... I know that I am helping her reach a goal that has always confounded her!"

"So..." Rainbow stood up, eyes narrow. "...what are you saying?"

"Heehee... sometimes true contentment comes from bestowing upon others our greatest talents. Think about it, Rainbow Dash." Twilight smiled. "Isn't there anypony in your life whom you could foster with your awesomeness?"

Rainbow's ears twitched. She glanced aside. "Come to think of it..." A devilish smirk.

Scootalaunch

"You hangin' in there, kid?"

"Heehee... don't up mean 'up there?'" I grinned. My legs were spread wide and my wings spread wider. With nimble grace, I levitated in place—not courtesy of my featherpower. But rather...

"You're a natural at this." Rainbow Dash laid on her back three feet beneath me, flapping her wings skyward and keeping me aloft. "Seriously. You've been practicing with some of the bigger foals around town?"

"Heh... like any pony young or old would possibly have your awesome wings, Rainbow!"

"Pfffft... please..." She pretended to yawn, gazing down the park's verdant hilltop outside Ponyville. "You flatter me."

"Gotta be a reason you're always giving me flying lessons."

"Uhhhh... maybe 'cuz I wanna see you kick the wind's flank? Ya ever think of that?"

"You've been doing enough of that lately!" I exclaim, squinting into the artificial wind as I pivoted my body left and right in her winged propulsion. "I hear that you're leading all of the pegasi who are ripping up the dead trees of the Everfree Forest!"

"Er... I've just got one team under my belt," she said. "But still... heh... I bet I could lead all of the cyclone teams if I wanted!"

"Or make all of the tornadoes on your own!"

"Eh... could I make them? Sure. But could I maintain them?" Rainbow Dash snickered awkwardly, brushing back her bangs as she smirked up at me. "Sometimes, no matter how awesome you are, you still gotta do things by teamwork."

"Heheh... whatever you say, Rainbow."

"Take this for example!" Rainbow Dash gestured at her flapping wings. "I'm giving you lift!"

"And me?" I blinked down at her. "What am I doing?"

"You're providing style."

"Heeheehee..."

"But anyway..." Rainbow Dash sighed slightly. Her eyes trailed the white clouds above us. "Sorry for not being around to lend a hoof these last few weeks, kid."

"It's okay, Rainbow Dash."

"You're too kind. Fact is, I've been a real no-show lately... and that ain't what I promised."

"I'm sure you've got your head on other stuff."

"Mmmm... that's one way of putting it."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Eh... I shouldn't have to bother you with that crud." She exhaled firmly. "I mean, any self-respecting pony should be able to sort it out on her lonesome."

I shrugged, drifting left and right in mid-air. "Sure. If you insist."

"Then again, any self-respecting pony wouldn't put herself through the wringer for absolutely no reason whatsoever." Rainbow glared up into the sky. The lines in her muzzle grew tighter, darker. "Any self-respecting pony would just be... happy for her best friend and leave it at that."

"Uhhhhh..."

Rainbow's wings flapped faster as her voice grew hoarser. "Any self-respecting pony would trust her best friend to make a wise decision... even if that decision sticks her friend with a total average moron who normally wouldn't be worth her time!"

"Ummm..." I gulped, lifting higher and higher. "Rainbow Dash?"

"A friggin' try-hard of a moron who doesn't know what it means to go the full length for love, commitment, and sacrifice!" She gnashed her teeth as the grass blades danced and billowed around her. "So he bought her a crystal orange tree. Pffft... big deal!" She had to snarl above the sound of her own flapping wings. "Did he fly cross-country to dig up an extinct miracle plant and save her own flesh and blood? Mehhhhh—"

"Say... Rainbow... uhm... isn't this kind of height t-too advanced for me?"

"Huh?" Rainbow Dash looked up. Her ruby eyes reflected a tiny orange speck. "Luna Poop!" She anchored her wings at her side.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa—!"

Gnashing her teeth, Rainbow lunged up on her rear hooves and stuck her front limbs out.

"—aaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiieeeeeee!" Thwap! "Oooomf!" I landed safely in her grasp. My eyes rolled. "Phweeeeeeeee..." I exhale, numb.

"Uhhhhhhm..." Rainbow Dash held me, sweating nervously. She bore a crooked smile. "And that's how... uh... we catch a living pegasus!" Her eyebrows twitched. "Lesson over! A-plus!"

"Uh huh..." I wheezed, teetering.

Rainbow blinked. She fidgeted. "So..." She set me down on the ground and ruffled my mane. "...who wants cupcakes at Sugarcube Corner?"

"Yaaaaaaaaaay..." Eyes crossed, I fell back. FWOMP!

Cupcakes (And Eat It Too?)

"Hmmm-hmmm-hmmm-hmmm!" Pinkie Pie flounced from side to side as she happily skipped towards our table. At last, she slapped the tray full of cupcakes down and grinned brilliantly. "Here we go-sies! Sugarcube Corner's finest frosted treats for Ponyville's best sisters-but-not-sisterlies!"

"Ugh..." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, wings drooping. "Must you?"

"Heehee..." I smirked, scooping one cupcake towards me. "I think it's awesome!"

"Kiddo..." Rainbow pulled at her face muscles, glaring across the table. "You think everything's awesome when I'm in the room."

"NOMF!" I took a big bite and licked the frosting off my lips. "Mmmmm... am I that easy to figure out?"

"Anything else for the pegasi of the hour?" Pinkie hummed.

"Nah, Pinkie." Rainbow bore a thin grin. "We're good."

The mare saluted before moontrotting out of view. "Remember! Just whistle, and I'll come barreling to the rescue!" She entered the kitchen. "That's LAUGHTER barrels, in case anypony's keeping score!"

"Yeeesh..." Rainbow Dash gingerly picked up her own cupcake. "How can she stay so friggin' cheery twenty-four-seven?"

I gulped down another candied morsel and said, "Well, Rainbow Dash, some ponies find it easier than others."

"Meh. I suppose."

I smiled. "You wanna talk about what's getting you down in the dumps?"

"You mean beside what I already rambled about earlier while I was supposed to be helping you learn some basic flight mechanics?" Rainbow twirled her cupcake in front of her. She blew her bangs out of her face and muttered, "Some mentor to look up to, eh, kid?"

"Is the weather team giving you trouble at the tornado meet?"

"Huh? No!"

"Because I bet it's super hard to stay cool when everypony else is holding you back—"

"I can coach a bunch of weather ponies just fine! I... just... ugh..." She rolled her eyes and slumped in her seat. "It's cool. Everything's cool, kid. Let's... just talk about something else."

I blinked at her. "Oh." I blinked again. "Okay... uhmmmm..." I tapped my chin in thought. "So... like... I was reading a book the other day about how earth ponies could—in theory—practice lunar magic. But it'd have to involve ancient runes and the forbidden act of sawing off unicorn's hor—"

"I mean, I've dated before," Rainbow Dash rambled, frowning at the ceiling rafters of Sugarcube Corner. "But I never shoved it in other ponies' faces!" Her nostrils flared as she angrily juggled a cupcake from one hoof to another. "But nooooooooo... not only is she going out with such a... a... fuzzydud... but she's letting allllllll her friends know about it. But how does she tell me? Alone? Inside a tent? When everything's super creeps and awkward?" She groaned inwardly. "I mean... does she have any idea... any idea how much that stings?"

I looked at her. Smiling, I scarfed down the rest of my cupcake, gulped, then folded my hooves together. "So..." I leaned forward. "How does that make you feel?"

"Like someone's tethered a metal cable to my back and forced me to fish through the land of the dead—" Rainbow Dash stopped. She stared at me, bug-eyed. Then, with a groan, she head-desked atop the table. Hard.

"Heeheeheee..." I craned my head to the side. "Rainbow, if you wanna talk about it, go ahead—!"

"Grnnnnghhhh... I don't..." She muttered into the woodwork.

"You sure?"

"Mrmmfffnghhh..."

"'Cuz I don't mind."

"You shouldn't have to worry about me all the time, kiddo."

"Well, why do you feel like being miserable all the time?"

"... ... ..." Rainbow's head slowly rose.

I stared at her.

"Do I..." Rainbow blinked. "...do you really think...?"

I shrugged. "What do you think?"

"I'd... rather not..."

"Rather not talk about it?" I raised an eyebrow. "Or rather not... y'know... be unhappy?"

"It ain't cool to be unhappy." Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. "Believe me, Scoots. You don't want none of it."

"You think she wants any of it?"

"Of c-course not!" Rainbow Dash cackled. "Heck, she's super crazy happy twenty-four seven now!"

"Then why aren't you?"

"H-huh?"

I smiled. "If she's happy... then shouldn't you be happy... you know... for her?"

Rainbow gulped hard. "I wish... life was that easy, kid."

"Who says it isn't?"

Rainbow sighed.

My brow furrowed. "And don't you dare say 'you'll know when you're older.'"

"You'll know when yo—DANG IT."

"Heeheeheehee!" I hugged myself.

Rainbow groaned, picking up another cupcake and twirling it around atop a hoof. "Sometimes I wish you weren't so clever." Her nostrils flared. "Isn't it hard enough just sticking to flight rules?"

"Y'know... there was a time I thought it was impossible to fly." I winked. "Then somepony awesome came and showed me that I had a chance." I gulped a lump down my throat. "Just like any other pegasus."

"Yeah, so?"

"So... I used to think that flying was impossible! Then you showed me different!" I squirmed slightly in my seat, cheeks red. "So... wh-what makes it seem so impossible that a pony as cool as you can be happy?"

"... ... ..."

"Or at least happy for the one you care most for?"

"It's not her fault, Scoots... it's... it's all me."

"Then maybe that's where you gotta start," I said. "You gotta start with you."

She looked at me.

"We both... know that she's happy, r-right?" I leaned my head to the side. "So... if we can find a way to make you happy too... then everything's awesome! Don't you think?"

Rainbow Dash exhaled. She looked at the cupcake. She tossed the treat up, bumbed it against her elbow, then caught it in her muzzle. Biting down, she swallowed the thing in a few meager gulps and licked her lips.

"Tasty?" I asked.

"The tastiest." Rainbow weathered a burp. "Y'know... I should come here more often."

"Yes." I smiled. "You should."

She smiled back.

I pressed my hooves to the table top. "Bet I can eat more than you."

"You're on."

And we raced.

Simple Things

"What I'm about to tell you... doesn't leave this rooftop, squirt." She looked down at me. "Y'hear?"

"Mmmhmmm." I nodded as I sat beside her on the hotel rooftop in downtown Ponyville. "Although I haven't heard anything yet."

"Smartflank."

"Heehee."

She smiled, but it was a brief thing. She stared off at the setting sun. "I've... been with special someponies before. Er... well... most of them were ponies."

"Huh?"

She waved a hoof. "Never mind. Too technical. Anyways..." She went on. "I've been in relationships and... and while a bunch of them were pretty much stupid and meaningless, there were... at least two that were super huge. And... uhm..." Rainbow Dash winced. "Egads... why am I even telling you this? You're just a kid."

"Nothing leaves this rooftop, remember?" I said. "Besides us, of course."

She looked at me. With a serious breath, she murmured, "They were bad... super sucky... I mean really bad relationships." She slowly shook her head. "Like... no self-respecting pony would ever go through the kind of stuff I did... and for as long as I did."

"But... you are a self-respecting pony, Rainbow Dash!" I blinked. "You're awesome!"

"I like to show off." She squinted. "Demanding respect and praise are two very... very different things." A sigh escaped her lips. "Y'know... you're super awesome, kid."

"Heehee... you think so?"

"But having respect is way cooler. Trust me." Her eyes narrowed. "I want you to promise me that whatever you do in life... whoever you decide to hang out with—special somepony or not—that you make sure they respect you... and that they treat you right."

"Uhhhh..."

"Can you promise me that, kiddo?" Rainbow Dash tilted her head to the side. "Furthermore, can you promise yourself that?"

"I... I dunno." I gulped and shrugged. "I guess?"

She sighed. With a tired smile, she ruffled my mane. "Good enough. I'll be looking after you in the meantime, in any case."

"But Rainbow Dash..." I brushed her hoof aside to get a better look at her. "If you care so much about respect... how come you... like... had special someponies who didn't respect you?"

Her ears drooped. "...force of habit, kid."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means..." Rainbow Dash gulped. "...mmmm..." She squinted into the sunset. Her voice took on a dull, muttering tone. "...it means that ponies bred into sadness and pain start looking for it when they get into a relationship." She gnashed her teeth slightly. "Familiarity is a poor substitute for completeness."

"I... I-I don't get it..."

"And you know what? Me neither. At least... not until a long time has passed." She shuddered. "...and you can't tell the wounds from the scabs... but they both hurt all the same... and shame stings the worst."

"But... but you're not with any miserable pony now, are you?"

"Hah!" She snickered suddenly, eyes rolling. "Nope! Thank Celestia..."

"Then why be unhappy, Rainbow Dash?" I asked. "You're surrounded by ponies who love and care about you, aren't you?"

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. "Yeah..." She shuddered. "Fancy that."

I stared at her in confusion.

"I guess..." She fidgeted, brushing her mane back. "...being so close to pure happiness... and knowing you're not a central part of it... is a familiar shade of misery all on its own." She bit her lip.

I blinked. Holding my breath, I scooted over and then hugged her side. Tightly.

She looked down at me. "What gives, kid?"

"I... I think I've been where you are, Rainbow Dash," I said.

She raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"

I looked up at her, eyes soft. "I've had ponies tell me that I'm 'home'... or that I'm 'in a good place.' But I just couldn't feel it."

Rainbow's eyes darted about. At last, she murmured, "What changed?"

"Nothing," I said. "Except..." A tender smile. "...ponies I cared about made it clear that they'd be there for me, even if my unhappiness didn't make sense. Ponies like Sweetie Belle... Apple Bloom." A deep gulp. "You."

She stared at me. A crooked smile formed. "That simple, huh?"

"I guess..."

"Sure..."

I leaned against her warm coat. My eyes closed. "Rainbow Dash?"

"Yeah, kid?"

"... ... ...did you really save Apple Bloom?"

"Can you still keep a secret?"

My lips smiled beneath closed eyes. I sniffled. "She's happy for being alive. I'm happy for her being alive." I looked up at her. My vision was foggy. "I'm... pretty sure that Applejack's happy too." I gulped. "Isn't that enough?"

Silence.

She rested a soft wing around my side. In such a sisterly embrace, we stared at the dying day.

"I should hang out with you more often, Scoots," Rainbow breathed.

"Mmmhmmmm..." I nodded. "I love cupcakes too."

We laughed. And somewhere, between blinks, the afternoon ended.

One Flap at a Time

Glorious, guffawing laughter lit the air.

Rainbow Dash heard it from the clouds. She paused in kicking the gray mists to look down at the streets of Ponyville far below. Her eyes had to squint.

It didn't take long for Rainbow to spot the blissfully orange shape of Applejack. The mare walked with Stu Leaves, drawing a wagon across town. Stu Leaves said something, grinning. This drew another laugh from Applejack.

The couple continued their conversation all the way to the market. They nodded and waved at pleasant neighbors as they passed by.

Rainbow blinked. A soft sigh escaped her muzzle.

Only this time...

...it was a strangely warm thing.

She realized that she was slacking in her task. So, gliding past the figures of Thunderlane and Candy Mane, she gave the clouds a savage kick, then shone warm light on the pair below.

Rainbow Dash spun in the air above the Everfree Forest. After finishing several revolutions, she parked down on a cloud without the slightest hint of dizziness.

A cluster of pegasi gazed at her, including Stu. With firm words, Rainbow gave her tornado team a strong speech detailing the wind power needed to maintain a tornado.

Not long later, a voice called out across the cloudbanks from below.

Rainbow glanced down to see Applejack waving a hoof. She had shown up in the shadow of the Cloudsdalian cyclone meet, dragging a wagon full of apple baked treats.

Rainbow stared at her, then glanced at her team. Clearing her throat, she whipped out a clipboard and dismissed them with a lazy wave of the hoof.

The ponies nodded, then took wing. After a while, most had flocked down to Applejack's wagon, along with members of the other teams.

Rainbow Dash jotted down a few notes. Eventually, she paused, then glanced over her clipboard at the scene below.

Applejack and Stu were distributing plates of apple slices to all the pegasi in attendance. Applejack said something, to which Stu had a witty comeback. Merry laughter rolled through the group, and they remained chatting with one another as they enjoyed their meal for the afternoon.

Rainbow Dash exhaled. She hugged the clipboard to her chest...

...and bore the strangest smile of her life.

Eventually, though, she stowed her notes away, flapped her wings, and took off for another set of clouds.

There, she continued practicing on her lonesome.

Loyal Lull

Rainbow Dash sat in Sugarcube Corner. She sipped from a tall mug of orange juice while tightly perusing a set of notes from the previous day's tornado practice.

Meanwhile, off to the side, Fluttershy and Rarity stood at the front counter.

"I just feel bad for her, is all," Fluttershy murmured.

"Why's that, darling?" Rarity glanced over at her dear friend. "You said it was her first day off since our camping trip. Shouldn't that be a good thing?"

"Yes, but the weather is so... unpleasant," Fluttershy remarked, her ears folded back. "You'd think that the one day she has to herself to forego working the fields she'd have a little bit more to look forward to."

"Well, knowing Applejack, that probably means a day spent inside baking her splendid apple treats."

"Well..."

"Well what?"

"It's just that... according to Big Mac, she was really... really looking forward to spending the day out with Stu."

"Ohhhhh... well that changes everything."

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash glanced up from her notes, blinking.

"But Stu seems like an understanding fellow," Rarity remarked. "Surely he wouldn't mind if they reschedule."

"Yes, but you know how it is with Applejack." Fluttershy reached for a mug of juice along with Rarity. "She won't have another break for days at this point."

"Doesn't Stu usually help her with the farm work?"

"Oh, yes. But... it's not the same."

"Hmmm... suppose you do have a point." Rarity trotted across Sugarcube Corner, followed by Fluttershy. "That is most unfortunate." She saw Rainbow and brightened up. "Oh! Rainbow! What a pleasure seeing you here! Mind if we join you?"

"Uhm... that's cool and all..." Rainbow cleared her throat and gathered her things into her saddlebag. "But I was just leaving."

"Oh?" Fluttershy blinked. "You were?"

"Yeah... I just... uhm..." Rainbow flapped her wings and hovered out the door. "I have some errands to run."

"Well, we understand, dear."

"Smell ya later." Rainbow saluted, and was gone.

"Hmmmm..." Rarity sat down at the table with a tiny sigh. "If Applejack isn't busy with something, then it's either myself or Rainbow Dash. I'm telling you, Fluttershy. Sometimes I feel like things are moving too fast as of late."

Fluttershy stared silently out the door.

"...Fluttershy?" Rarity cocked her head to the side. "Is everything alright?"

"I... uhm..." Fluttershy gulped. "Maybe? I'm not sure..."

Thunder rolled as Stu scampered up to the front stoop of the Apple Family residence.

He knocked on the door, then winced as a fresh batch of rain fell across the field.

With a creak, the door opened and Applejack stepped out. She blinked. "Stu! Uhhhh... you came!"

"Well of course I did." He smiled nervously. "A stallion never breaks his promise!" He squirmed. "Well, I suppose statistically that's not so true, but this stallion is different and—"

"Just hold yer horses." Applejack chuckled, waving a hoof. "What I mean is... I reckoned the inclement weather was a clue."

"A clue for what?" Stu blinked. "Awwwww rats..." His ears folded back. "We gotta call it off again, huh?"

"I... I-I'm sorry, Stu..."

"Well... maybe we could... I dunno... hang out here instead? Chat it up?" He smiled crookedly. "Chatting is nice."

"Oh, for sure. And I'm happy to have a gab with ya." Applejack sighed as she shuffled across the porch. "I was just really... really hopin' to show ya around the farm sometime soon."

"Why?" Stu blinked. "Something you wanted me to see?"

"Well..." Applejack fidgeted. "As a matter of fact—" Just then, her eyes lit up.

Bright sunlight cascaded across Sweet Apple Acres.

"What in tarnation?" Applejack breathed.

"Hey!" Stu peaked his head out from under the porch and squinted up at the sky. "Heeeeeey!" A bright grin. "Will ya look at that?" He flashed his eyes in Applejack's direction. "Bluer than a bucket of pearls!"

"Well I'll be..." Applejack smiled. "Reckon we should take advantage of it while it lasts."

"It... uh... it rained a bit on the way here."

"No worry!" Applejack dashed into the house with a happy breath. "I'll grab my galloshes!"

"Heheheh..." Stu shuffled after her with a smile. "I love how you say 'galloshes.'"

High up above Sweet Apple Acres...

Rainbow hovered, covered in sweat.

Nevertheless, with gritting teeth, she kicked the last of the rain clouds clear.

"Whew..."

She levitated in place, brushing her hooves off. She winced slightly, then flexed her limb forelimbs. Nevertheless, she sported a devilish smirk as she looked at the brightly-sunlit fields below.

Eventually, Applejack and Stu stumbled out of the farm house. Then, side by side, they strolled pleasantly across the grounds.

Rainbow Dash exhaled, flapped her wings harder, then drifted back east...

...giving them distance.

Who Needs a Wiki?

Ethereal light reflected off Epcot's two-toned gray and lavender uniform. She swung an eggshell white hoof through the air, redecorating the stars above until they mimicked the otherworldly sparkle of lights in her fluffy, full black mane. After a happy sigh, she spun around, adjusted her nametag, and smiled at Rainbow Dash with bright lavender eyes.

"Maybe I'm just looking into a rainbow mirror..." She paused to giggle!snort. "...but you seem extra cheery today."

"Chillaxed, Epcot," Rainbow murmured, her body draped lazily over a floating cloud. "I'm chillaxed. There's a difference."

"Hmmmm..." Epcot tapped her fuzzy white chin. "...how curious. I wonder if only mortals can tell the difference between these varying degrees of contentment." In a flash of gray light, she morphed into a tiny geodesic sphere, zipped across cider space, and rematerialized back into an adoracute pony right beside Rainbow Dash. "Does this mean that you've finally..." Bright teeth glinted brighter. "...taken my advice?"

"Yes." Rainbow gulped. "And the advice of others." She looked off with a soft smile. "...and just common sense."

"Oh?"

Rainbow sighed. She rolled over until she faced the stars. "Could ya... turn them into wonderbolts?"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaand..." Epcot slapped her hooves together and flew them apart. "Pssschhhhh—shazaaam!"

The constellations spread, forming the glittery facsimile of three uniformed ponies in mid-glide.

Rainbow took a deep breath. "...you know... I wouldn't admit it to anypony... but maybe I should admit it to myself..." Her eyes twitched. "But I think I've given up on them."

"Oh?" Epcot looked over. "I beg to differ. You're still young, athletic, awesome..."

"Heeheehee..." Rainbow Dash hugged herself, blushing. "You really know how to hit all the buttons, eh, girl?"

She shrugged. "Just how I was programmed."

"It's... not about all of that." Rainbow cleared her throat. "I just... don't obsess over them like I used to." Her nostrils flared. "Weird... cuz it was almost just yesterday..."

Epcot arched an eyebrow. "You found something else to obsess over." A smirk. "Or maybe somepony else."

"Yeah... I guess..."

"It's still not too late." Epcot winked. "It's never too late. After all, if you can dream it—"

"—I can do it. Yeah, I know."

"Heeeeee... yes!" Epcot reached over and booped Rainbow's nose. "It can be taught!"

Rainbow sighed. "And maybe I still will. But... it won't be as awesome as I once dreamed it was."

"So?" Epcot shrugged. "You're a mortal. Fill your life with an entire slew of awesome things! Revel in the beauty that your existence affords!"

Rainbow gulped. "And yet... as hard as I dream... I just gotta admit that there are some things I can't do... some things I can't have... even if I can."

Epcot merely nodded in silence. "Opportunity, invention, and innovation run hoof and hoof... but they are still separate things."

"But... that's fine, y'know? Because..." Rainbow Dash looked over. "...you know what I'm starting to figure out?"

"And what's that, Rainbow Dash?"

Rainbow gazed back at the stars rolling overhead. "Dreaming is good and all... but the doing isn't worth it if... if it interferes with another pony's dreams." She inhaled and exhaled. "Applejack is finally having her dreams realized... including dreams that she never knew she had. I..." A gulp. "I am happy for her. And... y'know... the jealousy hasn't gone away..."

"But...?"

Rainbow sniffed. She clenched her eyes shut before they could tear up. "...the happiness is stronger. That's... that's what matters. That's what I gotta focus on."

Epcot reached over, squeezing Rainbow's shoulder. "You're the strongest mortal I've ever known. I know that you'll fly true."

"You wanna know the sucky thing about being the strongest mortal?" Rainbow opened her foggy eyes as she bore a bittersweet smile to the heavens. "You sure as heck don't feel it."

"Well, I suspect that's where friends come in." Epcot grinned. "They help you feel strong... even if keeping your distance from one of them makes you feel weak."

"Rnnnngh... sounds stupid," Rainbow grunted. "Annoying... sad..."

"A challenge," Epcot whispered.

Rainbow sniffed one last time, then smirked devilishly. "Bring it on..."

Thirst Twister

FW-FW-FW-FW-FW-FW-FWOOOOOSH!

Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth. Her mane whipped wildly behind her like a windsock. Nevertheless, she maintained her revolutions, spinning steadily in a counter-clockwise direction. Holding her breath, she dared to crane her neck upwards.

She saw Stu Leaves and another pony soaring cyclically above her. Then—beyond them—she spotted Sharp Quill and over a dozen other pegasi, each rotating within the conjured tornado at their specified positions.

Holding her breath, Rainbow looked out to her right.

The northern border of the Everfree Forest spun and spun and spun. Between each blinks, Rainbow Dash spotted the rest of the teams seated on the arid plateau, watching them. A few spaces over, Rainbow saw the vaguely gray shape of the Cloudsdalian Weather Commission's table and its elder judges.

"Alright!" she shouted up the translucent funnel. "This is where we seize the moment!" She saluted with her hoof. "Maintain velocity! Just a little while longer! Time to give them a show they'll never regret!"

She was answered by several approving grunts and exhalations. The world continued spinning—blue and gray and green and blue and gray and green and—Rainbow Dash pivoted sideways.

"Alright! Lock wings skyward!"

Following her lead, the rest of the pegasi rotated until they were flying sideways. With their wingfeathers slicing the air, the tornado spun even faster, although it put greater strain on their muscles.

"Hold!" Rainbow snarled.

The cyclone between them spun faster and faster.

"Holddddddddddddddddd!" Rainbow hissed. Her face muzzles rippled from the sheer force.

Up above, a mare quivered—nearly faltering.

"Sharp Quill!" Rainbow shouted.

The stallion flew abreast of the mare, steadying her. The pony caught her breath, then regained balance.

"Good! Awesome!" Rainbow smirked at the twirling world. "Now... bring it in tight..."

The roar of wind grew deafening as the pegasi spun closer together, spinning faster and faster.

"Aaaaaaaaand... twirl!" Rainbow spun completely around, then braced her hooves against the eye of the tornado. "Break off!"

POW! With a thunder clap, the group parted ways, flying in opposite directions. The tornado dissolved immediately, leaving a slowly rotating cloud that swiftly rose towards the heavens before coming back down in a gentle mist of rain.

Once the howling whistle had vanished from the countryside, Rainbow and the rest of her team heard wild cheering and applause. The other teams clapped their hooves against the rocky ground and hollered with pride and joy.

Slowly, the weather fliers drifted back to the former eye of the stone. They all landed in formation, catching their breaths and allowing their aching muscles to rest.

Swooooosh! Rainbow landed at the very tip of the "pyramid." She slid her goggles up and smiled at the rest. She then pivoted to look at the Weather Commission's table.

The representatives from Cloudsdale were busy judging the tornadic performance. However, a few of them were noticeably smirking.

"Way to go, Rainbow Dash," Thunderlane said, trotting over and raising his hoof. "You and your team are gonna get the first sweep for sure."

Rainbow slapped her hoof against his. "Heh... wouldn't be my team if we didn't." She winked. "But hey... so long as we've got an awesome system going, then we're cool to go wherever the judges point us." She smirked back at the group. "How about it, guys?! Are we the best or what?!"

"Yeahhhh!" the pegasi collectively cheered.

"I... I-I'm so sorry, Rainbow Dash," the one mare wheezed. "I nearly broke up back there."

"Hey." Rainbow shrugged. "It's all gravy. You stuck to your position despite the slip-up. And, besides, the team had your back. Isn't that right, Sharpy?"

"Heeheehee..." Sharp Quill smirked, cheeks rosy. "She called me 'Sharpy.'"

"There's still some leftover apple juice at the refreshment stand," Thunderlane said. "We left some for you guys. Come on. Wet your whistle."

"Whew!" Sharp Quill trotted off, following the sweaty, breathless cloud of fliers. "Sure could use it! Who knew breaking wind could be so dehydrating?"

A pair of mares giggled as they shuffled past him.

Sharp Quill blinked, then rolled his eyes before face-hoofing. "Oh goddess dang it..."

"Heheheh..." Rainbow smirked. "He sure caught himself off guard, eh Stu?" She looked over.

Stu Leaves stared at the ground.

"Hey, you've been doing awesome up there, bud," Rainbow said. "Like... for serious. The tornado would completely unravel if it weren't for your strong wings maintaining the cyclone above me." She winked. "So... good work. Glad to have you on the team."

Stu inhaled slowly... then exhaled with just as much passion. He bit his bottom lip.

Rainbow blinked. "Yo. Equestria to Stu. Got leaves stuck in your ears?"

"Hmmm...?" Stu looked up. "Oh! Heheh..." He smiled. "Proud to lend a wing, Rainbow. You're the best leader there is."

"Is..." Rainbow squinted. "...everything cool?"

Stu opened his muzzle.

"Hey! Rainbow! Stu!" Thunderlane hollered from a distance. "Apple juice! Get it while it's wet! Haha!"

"Uhhhhm..." Stu coughed, then shuffled off at a brisk trot. "Holy Tartarus, am I parched."

"Yeah..." Rainbow gazed after him, brow furrowed. "Me too." Eventually, she cracked the joints in her neck and flew towards the refreshment table with a smirk.

All In the Family

"Hmmmm..." Fluttershy squatted on the front lawn of her cottage. Her lips smiled, fuzzy cheeks turning rosy as she threw seed across the grass, feeding the pigeons and water fowl that had gathered along the banks of a babbling brook. "Hmmm-heeheehee... he he he he..."

"Uhhh... Fluttershy?" Rainbow Dash reclined lazily on a tree branch overlooking her best friend's property. "Everything cool down there?"

"Heeheehee-yes, Rainbow." The animal caretaker nevertheless continued giggling.

Rainbow arched an eyebrow. "You're not... snorting some of that stuff you're tossing to the birds, are you?"

"Oh no. No no no no no. Nothing like that, Rainbow." Fluttershy emptied her bag of feed and leaned down to nuzzle a family of ducks. "I've just been in a good mood ever since Big Mac's last visit."

"Hmmmm..." Rainbow smirked, leaning her head back on crossed hooves. "I bet."

Fluttershy rolled her eyes. "He was telling me how happy the farm's been as of late."

"Oh?"

"Yes. Applejack's been serving tall stacks of syrupy pancakes every single day at Sweet Apple Acres."

"Hey, sounds snazzy," Rainbow Dash murumured. She squinted up at the blue morning sky. "Although I hope they have a pretty large outhouse."

"Rainbow Dash..." Fluttershy sighed through a wry smirk. "Don't you see what I'm getting at?"

"Hmmm?" Rainbow looked down at her.

Fluttershy flapped her wings and levitated beside the tree branch. "Applejack has been immeasurably happy." She folded her forelimbs. "She's been on top of the clouds for days now! Well..." A girlish chuckle. "You know what I mean."

"Sure." Rainbow stifled a yawn. "Just... don't know where you're going with it, exactly."

"Rainbow Dassssssh..."

"Eugh..." Rainbow clenched her eyes shut. "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Use... that voice."

"What voice?"

"That 'motherly older sister voice,'" Rainbow grumbled. "It's almost as bad as your Stare... only on the ears."

"There's a reason why Applejack's been so happy as of late."

"She got coronated as the Pretty Princess of Apples?" Rainbow mused, then blinked blankly into the air. "Guh..." Wincing, she reached out and manually coiled her wings to her side. "Down, girls... down."

"It's because she's had the loving support of a best friend," Fluttershy said. Her teeth showed in a beaming smile. "And that happiness has spread throughout her whole household. It's infectious, and it's left Big Macintosh positively jubilant every day. He doesn't understand the reason behind it... but I do." She squinted. "And I think I do too."

"So I may have cleared a cloud or two above Sweet Apple Acres so that AJ and Stu could have their silly date." Rainbow shrugged. "Big deal."

"It means a lot to them, Rainbow Dash." Fluttershy gulped. "And... and you might be playing it cool, but I know that it means a lot to you too."

Rainbow Dash breathed out her nostrils. She stared west with dull eyes. "Uh huh..."

"Perhaps not in the same way, but... still..." Fluttershy exhaled. "I'm proud of you, Rainbow Dash."

"Thanks, Mom."

"Heeheehee..." Fluttershy giggled. Eventually, she cleared her throat. "Anyways, it wasn't a date."

"...it wasn't?"

"Well, not exactly."

"Could have fooled me."

"Actually, Big Mac told me all about it," Fluttershy calmly said. She perched on the end of the branch across from Rainbow Dash. "Apparently Applejack went and took Stu to see her parents."

"...?" Rainbow Dash sat up. "The hay does that mean?"

"Rainbow Dash..." Fluttershy calmly shook her head. "I mean their graves."

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash squinted. "They're... buried at Sweet Apple Acres?"

"Along the southwest edge of the property. By a garden." Fluttershy cocked her head to the side. "Did you not know that?"

"I... I mean, sure, it's... probably come up in conversation once or twice... but... but..." Rainbow cleared her throat. "Wait, a garden? How do you know about it?"

"Uhm..." Fluttershy brushed her bangs aside. "Because Big Mac first took me to see them months ago. I've... made several visits since. I've even helped Granny Smith with planting flowers around the plot." She bore a tender smile. "It's... such a peaceful spot. Beautiful, too." Her wingtips fluttered. "Being there and keeping the ground in check almost... m-makes me feel like part of the family."

Rainbow Dash stared at her for a while. At last, she swallowed and said, "You and Big Mac have been pretty serious too."

"Ohhhh... I don't know if 'serious' is the right word to use."

"Why not?" Rainbow smiled. "Serious love sounds like the best kind of love."

"I don't feel 'serious' every time I'm with Big Macintosh," Fluttershy said. "I just feel... happy."

"Yeah..." Rainbow glanced aside. "I... wonder how Stu and Applejack feel. Serious or happy."

"Maybe both?" Fluttershy shrugged. "Every pony is different. I don't see why every couple can't be unique as well."

Rainbow sighed. She hugged herself. "Pancakes and gravestones..." Her ears twitched. "...I think that about does it, Fluttershy."

Fluttershy blinked curiously.

"Hook... line.. and sinker..." Rainbow bit her bottom lip.

"And... uhm..." Fluttershy leaned her head to the side. "...how are you doing, Rainbow Dash?"

"Me?" Rainbow shuddered. "I'm spending time with a good, good friend."

Fluttershy stared at her. She smiled. It wasn't long before she was leaning in to nuzzle Rainbow.

Rainbow closed her eyes.

"I have an idea..." Fluttershy leaned back with a smile. "What say we go to Sugarcube Corner? They're serving a fresh batch of imported Trottingham cider. How about it? It'll be my treat."

"Hmmmm... a cider of a different flavor," Rainbow Dash muttered.

"That's right."

"Sounds gross. Will probably make me barf." She hopped off the branch and hovered in place. "What are we waiting for? Let's do it!"

This Is Not Foreshadowing

"What's that?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Hmmm?" Fluttershy looked aside at her in mid-flight. "What's what?"

Rainbow pointed down. "That."

Fluttershy looked down.

Beneath them, the humble rooftops of Ponyville lingered. Rainbow was pointing to the bulletin board in front of town hall. A pair of stallions were hammering in place a large, brightly-lit poster featuring illustrations of ponies in mid-gallop.

"I've seen those posted all over town," Rainbow stated. "And in some of the neighboring villages where I do deliveries."

"Oh. You haven't heard about the Equestrian Marathon?" Fluttershy remarked.

"Should I have?"

"It's a race that's held every six months," she explained. "It switches to a different town on every occasion. In a month and a half, it'll be held here in Ponyville." She smiled. "It'll be the first time the Equestrian Marathon took place here."

"You don't say..." Rainbow Dash smirked. "I like races."

"It's an on-hoof race, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy emphasized. "No flying around."

"Awwwwww..." Rainbow raspberried. "Pbllbbblblbb... lame."

"You could still participate if you wanted!"

"Meh..." Rainbow shrugged. "It's not as cool without flying."

"I've sat down to an Equestrian Marathon once in Dream Valley! It was very exciting!"

"When were you in Dream Valley?"

"Uhm... field trip." Fluttershy blushed slightly. "It was after you had dropped out."

"Oh." Rainbow cleared her throat, glancing aside. "Right."

"I'm rather fond of the prizes."

"Humor me."

"Well... the race starts out with a regular lump fund," Fluttershy explained. "Then everypony in town has a month to pitch in with their donations. Towns like showing off how big of a bit total they can get versus the previous locations of the Marathon."

"Uh huh..."

"Then, once they have a grand total, the organization that runs the Marathon agrees to give three-fourths of it to charity!"

"And the remaining one fourth?"

"That goes to the first-place winner of the race, of course." Fluttershy giggled. "You see? It's an opportunity to raise money for both charity and the top athlete! Win-win!"

"Still seems like it's mostly being done for the charity, though."

"Well, is that a bad thing, Rainbow Dash?"

"Nah. Guess not." Rainbow stifled a yawn. "Though, if you ask me, I'd give up a cash prize for a nifty medal... never mind one fourth of a cash prize."

"The prize is merely an incentive to participate," Fluttershy said. "Decades since the Equestrian Marathon started, ponies have mostly been in it for the spirit of charity and competition." She smiled. "I think you should join, Rainbow."

"Eh... that's a no-go, Flutters."

"But you'd enjoy it, Rainbow Dash!"

"No, I enjoy winning." Rainbow raised her forelimbs. "And do you really, honestly think I'd have a chance of winning with these things?"

"Oh... uhm..." Fluttershy fidgeted in mid-air, glancing aside. "You... you n-never know."

"Actually, I do know. So... case closed."

"But... you did the Running of the Leaves!"

"Yeah, and came in last. Besides... I had an incentive to participate in that."

Fluttershy bit her lip.

"Look, it's okay." Rainbow Dash smiled aside. "You know as well as I do that I've had more excitement these past couple of months than even one million marathons could ever hope to compare to. I'm just... happy to be there for my friends here in town. Besides, between the cloud kicking, the deliveries, and the tornado team stuff, I'm booked!"

Fluttershy sighed. "Very well, Rainbow Dash." She smiled. "But, personally, I would love to see you in a competition again someday."

"Who says I'm not already in competition?" Rainbow Dash droned. "World's most awesomest best friend."

"Awwwwwwww."

"Yo ho ho ho a cupcake's life for me." Rainbow dove towards Sugarcube Corner. "Let's get wasted. Afternoon wasted."

"Oh Rainbow Dash..." Fluttershy rolled her eyes, smiled, and glided swiftly after her friend.

The Sun Never Sets on the Cupcake Empire

"Hey! Rainbow Dash! Fluttershy!" Twilight Sparkle waved her hoof from across Sugarcube Corner as the two pegasi entered. "Come on over here! Sit with us!"

"Mmmmm..." Trixie lowered a mug from her muzzle. "Yes. Do share in the comraderie of midday carbohydrates consumption."

"Eugh, honestly, darling, must you?" Rarity rolled her eyes.

"Sparkle thought it was funny," Trixie said.

"Please, as if she'd be tickled by something so blatantly childi—" Rarity clenched her eyes shut at the sound of Twilight's explosive giggles. With a sigh, she muttered, "Well, at least the table is twice as elegant as it was a few moments ago." She cradled her tea and smiled up at Fluttershy. "Good afternoon, Fluttershy, dear. Looking beautiful as ever."

"Why thank you, Rarity." Fluttershy smiled as she took a seat.

"And your coat's looking extra shiny today, Rainbow Dash." Rarity winked. "By the way, I should have your..." She lingered, then leaned in with a whisper. "...your you know what properly finished by weak's end."

"Thank you, Rarity," Rainbow droned as she slid a chair over and sat casually in reverse, facing the girls. "That'll be all, girl. Thanks."

"My my..." Fluttershy glanced at the others. "What was that about?"

"Beats me," Twilight said with a shrug.

"Fashion horse is making Rainbow a dress, isn't she?" Trixie remarked, sipping.

"Snkkkt!" Rainbow winced, the blue hairs on her back sticking up.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Twilight broke into more giggles.

"Oh, how nice of you, Rarity!" Fluttershy leaned over to nudge Rainbow Dash. "You will show the rest of us, won't you?"

"Yes! Hehe! Please do!" Twilight fluttered her eyelids.

"Ugh. Rein it in a little, will ya, guys?" Rainbow droned. "If I wanted this much sap I would have crash-landed into a tree farm."

"Oh, just be happy, Rainbow Dash," Rarity murmured. "Your friends love you and love to see you enjoying life."

"Yeah, well, I hope you love seeing me get fat." Rainbow craned her neck towards the front counter. "Hey! Hey Pinkie!"

Pinkie stuck her head out of the kitchen door. "Phwee?"

"Six cupcakes for me and Fluttershy! Extra sprinkles!"

"Phweeeee..." With a solemn nod, Pinkie slid back into the kitchen.

"Well, if this isn't positively exquisite?" Rarity smiled. "All of us sitting together? Enjoying a midday treat? Well, almost all of us."

"I think that camping trip was just the boost we needed!" Twilight said with a perky smile. "It's almost like old times again!"

"Twilight..." Rainbow glared across the table. "'Old Times' was only—like—a few months ago."

"Even still! It's good to know that we don't have to always get so caught up in... getting caught up!" Her cheeks turned slightly rosy. "I missed this."

"Awwww..." Fluttershy reached across the table to caress Twilight's hoof. "Our hangouts never went away, Twilight. I like to think they just... chose a brief change of scenery."

"And gender!" Pinkie squeaked, suddenly at tableside with a tray of treats. "Isn't that right, Little Miss Side-saddle?"

"Snkkkt!" Rainbow nearly fell out of her chair, giggling. "Heeheehee!"

"Ahem..." Fluttershy, beet red, reached for the tray. "Uhm... th-thank you for the cupcakes, Pinkie."

"Anytime!" Pinkie flopped into a chair between Fluttershy and Twilight. "Well, it's my break time!"

"Glad to have you, darling," Rarity said.

"What's shakin', parks and recreation?" Pinkie giggle-snorted.

"Yeah, what brings you mares here?" Rainbow asked.

"Well, we were just telling Rarity about a trip we're gonna take to Canterlot soon," Twilight explained.

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "'We?'"

"Y'know how I've mentioned that Princess Celestia... hasn't been writing me back much lately?"

"Uhhhhhhhh... no."

Twilight looked flabbergasted. "You mean I never told you?!"

Fluttershy nibbled on a frosted cupcake, and gulped. "No, Twilight. This is the first time for me too."

"How's that possible?! All I ever talk about is Princess Celestia when you girls are around!"

"Nah, I'm pretty sure all you talk about is books and then your brain just makes you think that you were talking about something else," Rainbow muttered.

"Eugh..." Twilight rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

"Is everything okay?" Fluttershy asked.

"Oh, more than okay!" Twilight smiled. "You see, I finally got a letter back from Princess Celestia!"

"A very important letter," Trixie droned.

"Uh huh! In it, the Princess responded to all of my friendship reports as of late. But then she invited me, Trixie, and Spike to come visit the Royal Castle in Canterlot!"

"Heeeeeeeeey..." Rainbow Dash smirked. "Your old stomping grounds!"

"Don't be ridiculous, Rainbow!" Twilight huffed. "I would never stomp my hooves around the Palace!"

Rainbow face-hoofed.

Smiling, Rarity waved at Twilight. "Do carry on, darling."

"Well, in Celestia's letter, she had an explanation for why she'd been so distant as of late."

"A very legitimate reason," Trixie droned.

"Ugh!" Twilight pouted at Trixie. "Who's telling this story? You or me?"

"So?" Rainbow leaned her head to the side. "What's got Celestia coming out of her shell?"

Twilight smirked at the rest of the table. "You won't believe this... but it turns out that Princess Celestia's just recently been reunited with her former apprentice, Sunset Shimmer!"

"Oh?" Fluttershy blinked.

"Wowie Zowie!" Pinkie Pie managed through a mouthful of cupcake. "Thunthett Thummer!" She swallowed hard. "Ulp. Uhhhhh... who's Sunset Shimmer?"

"Apparently a unicorn with a bad attitude," Trixie muttered.

"Trixie..." Twilight patted her shoulder, then smiled at the others. "What matters is that she's come back to Celestia to work things out. Seems as though the two had a... falling out of sorts. But all of that has changed in the last few weeks, and now Celestia feels confident enough to introduce us to one another." She smiled, dimples showing. "Isn't that positively exciting?"

"How marvelous for you, Twilight!" Rarity remarked. "Celestia gets to show you her little grump and you get to bring her yours!"

"Mrmfffff..." Trixie rolled her eyes.

"Hehehe! I'm just excited to meet somepony who means so much to Princess Celestia!" Twilight remarked. "I mean, somepony besides Luna..." She blushed slightly. "...or Spike..." She blushed even more. "...or me."

"Well, that's neato keano, Twilight!" Pinkie said with a firm grin. "And we couldn't be happier for you! Right, Flutters?"

"Mmmmhmmm!" Fluttershy nodded, her muzzle christened with frosting.

"Rarity?"

"Indeed!"

"Dashie?" Pinkie blinked. "... ... ...Dashie?"

Rainbow Dash slumped against the back of the chair. Her petite frame huddled behind it.

"Dashie?" Pinkie squinted. "You hiding from somepony?"

"Uhhhhh... n-no...?" Rainbow sat up straight. Nevertheless, her ears twitched as she said, "Just... y'know... moved beyond words, I guess."

"Works for me! More cupcakes! Coming right up!"

Something Out of Nothing

"So we'll be making our trip in a few weeks," Twilight explained to the other mares inside Sugarcube Corner. "It'll be Trixie's first time in Canterlot."

"Negative," the unicorn grunted.

Twilight blinked aside. "No?"

"A-ahem..." Trixie tilted her chin up. "It will be Trixie's first time without the aid and comfort of her wagon."

"Heh... well..." Twilight smiled pleasantly. "Don't you worry! This time, you're going to enjoy your stay in Canterlot! I guarantee it!"

"Oh yes! Twilight tells the truth!" Rarity exclaimed. "Because of her connections, we almost always enjoy full royal amenities whenever we visit the kingdom's capitol!"

"Nothing can compare to the comfort and luxury of Trixie's old travel wagon!" She nevertheless scrunched down, hiding slightly behind a half-eated cupcake. "But... b-but Trixie will accept the royal amenities, for what th-they're worth."

"Oh Twilight." Fluttershy smiled. "I just know that the three of you are going to enjoy yourselves."

"Oh, most definitely!" Twilight nodded. "My only regret is that I have to give up being the city's premiere organizer when the Mayor will need me the most."

"Organizer?" Pinkie blinked. "Organizer of what?"

"The Equestrian Marathon, of course," Twilight said. "It should be in full-swing around the time we get back. Which is a shame." She sighed. "This is the first time it's been held in Ponyville and I really looked forward to helping set it up."

"I'm certain we can piece together a decent fundraiser in your absence, Twilight," Rarity said. "I'll have you know that charity is my expertise."

"And I can make it a big bangin' party for everypony who attends!" Pinkie winked. "So don't you fret!"

"And if worse comes to worst, we still have Applejack around to get the Ponyville mainstays super pumped!" Rainbow remarked with a devilish grin. "You know AJ. Every pony in Ponyville trusts her with their lives."

"Young and old!" Fluttershy added with a giggle.

"Speak of the freckled devil..." Trixie pointed past the other ponies' heads.

"Hmmm?" Rainbow and the others turned around.

There was an orange shape in the front entrance to Sugarcube Corner. But Rainbow was distracted by a set of purple scales waddling towards the table.

"Hey! There you all are!" Spike remarked. "Uhm... say... er..." He kept looking nervously over his shoulder. "Could you... like... stay seated right there for... I dunno... the next few minutes, I guess?"

"Why, whatever is the matter, Spikey Wikey?" Rarity asked.

"Yeah, Spike." Twilight squinted. "Is something wrong?"

"Err... no. Just... stay right there." Spike managed a crooked smile. "AJ will really appreciate." He backed up, squinting and "framing" the table with his outstretched claws. At last, he smiled and spun towards the entrance. "Okay, guys! You're all set!"

"All set?" Rainbow half-chuckled. "All set for... what...?" Her breath left her.

Applejack and Stu Leaves trotted into the room. Ponies at their tables turned around to look. Upon Spike's gesturing, Mr. and Mrs. Cake peered out from behind the counter.

"Uhm... ahem..." Applejack stood next to the stallion, clearing her throat. "If we could steal yer attention for just one minute, y'all."

"We promise... eheh..." Stu gulped and bore a brave smile. "This will only take a sec."

"Hey AJ! Hey Stu!" Twilight smiled. "What's up?"

"Why are they trembling?" Trixie muttered.

"Oh please, Trixie, they are not tremb—...they are." Twilight blinked, muzzle agape. "Applejack, is everything okay?"

"Huh? Oh... oh yeah, Twi." Applejack tilted her hat back. "More than okay." She glanced aside. "Ain't that right, Stu?"

"I just wanna say that this is the happiest place I've ever lived in, and there's one reason for that," Stu remarked. "One... very beautiful reason."

"Oh..." Rarity whispered, cupping her pale cheeks in two hooves. "Oh my. Yes..."

Stu Leaves looked at Applejack.

Applejack looked at Stu Leaves.

Rainbow Dash blinked. And when her eyes were once again still—glaring and glossy—she saw Stu leaning in, nuzzling his chin atop Applejack's blonde head. The mare hugged her hat to her chest with one forelimb and smiled, her eyes tightly shut as she lifted up, nuzzling the stallion back under his chin.

Mr. and Mrs. Cake were the first to smile and applaud. Pretty soon, the entirety of Sugarcube Corner filled with cheers and "awwwwww's" and all sorts of warm mirth. In the eye of the fuzzy storm, Stu and Applejack blushed. The nuzzling couple looked back at the group, smiling delicately.

And Rainbow...

She felt a gentle warmth on her shoulder. She finally blinked again, glancing aside to see that Fluttershy was resting a hoof against her side.

Fluttershy smiled without looking at Rainbow. She gave the smaller pegasus a gentle squeeze as she continued to stare at the scene.

"Well well wellllll!" Pinkie giggled. "Isn't that something?"

"Mmmmm... yeah..." Rainbow exhaled through a sigh. To her own surprise...

...she was smiling as well.

"It's something alright." And then her muzzle clamped shut.

Beaugestion

"And so the first apple tree he ever bucks... and I'm talkin' the very first one..." Applejack smirked as she and Stu sat at the table with the girls. "A honey badger plum falls out of the darn thang and lands on his flank."

"Snkkkkkt!" Pinkie nearly fell over with giggles.

Twilight chokes on a doughnut bite. She levitates a mug of water to her muzzle, takes a sip, then exhales. "You c-can't be serious!"

"And boy was that little varmint mad as the dickens!" Applejack tilted her head back and smirked. "I'm surprised it didn't wrangle its way up to Stu's head and claw his eyes out."

"Good h-heavens!" Rarity stammered, trying not to laugh. "How did you ever escape that situation unscathed, Mr. Leaves?"

"Hmmm-mmm..." Fluttershy smiled aside. "I've heard this story before."

"And AJ tells it a lot better than I ever could," Stu managed with a crooked smile. He looked to his right. "AJ?"

"Well, naturally the first idea that entered my head was to kick the ever-livin' stuffings out of the thang. I mean, there I was tryin' to teach Stu how to properly buck trees, and this ball of fur and claws gets entangled with him."

"Trixie assumes that you found an alternative method of dealing with the honey badger."

"Well, I've learned a thang or two over the past few years. So, I held back, decidin' to go fetch Fluttershy instead so that she could coax the critter off of Stu."

"'Dun ya move an inch!' was what AJ said, if I recall correctly," Stu remarked, eliciting a few more chuckles from the table. "And, you know, I'm quite willing to do what Applejack says... when I don't have a blood thirsty marmot on my back."

"Honey badger," Fluttershy corrected.

"That too."

"Heeheehee!" Pinkie Pie smiled. "So did ya get to Fluttershy in time, AJ?"

"I never had to, Pinkie," Applejack said. "That's the whole point." She opened her muzzle, lingered, then glanced aside with a smirk of pride. "Tell 'em, Stu."

"It's... nothing to boast about."

"I didn't say ya had to boast, ya silly stallion! Just tell it to 'em straight!"

"Well, alright." Stu Leaves cleared his throat, twirling a mug around in his hooves. "I... uh... I got the honey badger to cool down."

"Oh?" Twilight Sparkle blinked. "What did you do?"

"I flapped my wings at it."

The crowd full of mares merely blinked at him.

"Erm..." He gulped. "I just... waved my wingfeathers at the angry little thing and he... calmed down." A nervous smile. "Eventually."

"Just like that?" Trixie asked.

Stu took a sip, then swallowed. "I did say that I 'cooled it down,' didn't I?"

"Heh heh heh..." Applejack slapped the table top and wiped a tear from her eye. "It just kills me!"

"Heeheehee!" Pinkie grinned. "I get it!"

"Sounds like dumb luck if you ask me," Rainbow said.

"Rainbow!" Rarity pouted.

Rainbow merely smirked. "But hey, props all around. I would probably have suplexed the stupid thing. Leave it to Stu to have a cool head."

"I ain't a fan of razor-clawed thangs fallin' on my... well..." Applejack blushed slightly as she smiled at the tabletop. "...on my coltfriend here..."

Fluttershy giggled.

"But reckon it still ain't no reason to smash the thang to smithereens." Applejack leaned in to nuzzle Stu's shoulder. "As ya can tell, I'm awful proud of him for not bein' a total meathead about it."

"To be perfectly honest, I was j-just trying to fly away," Stu said.

The table filled with laughter.

"Oh hush." Applejack winked. "Ya did great, ya clumsy oaf."

"I-I think it's still up in that tree, AJ."

"And what did we discuss before? You never have to buck the same apple tree ever again."

"Promise?"

"Would I lie to you?"

"No." Stu coughed. "But... I-I'd really like you to be around when I go apple bucking again, because I can't tell the trees apart to save my life."

"Hahahaha!" Applejack rolled her eyes. "Yer hopeless."

"Eheheh... that's m-me, alright!" Stu said, taking another sip. "Stu Hopeless Leaves."

"Heheheh..."

"Wow..." Twilight Sparkle bore a rosy smile. "You two are... uhm..."

"Absolutely adorable together," Rarity purred.

"Ugh." Applejack groaned. "We didn't come here to be doted on."

"Then why did you come here?" Fluttershy asked, smiling. "Hmmmm?"

"Plain and simple." Applejack smiled. "I wanted y'all to know just why I'm so plum happy right now in my life." She locked her left fetlock with Stu's right, winking at the table.

"Trixie congratulates you two."

"This calls for a special treat!" Pinkie Pie gasped deeply. "A triple fudge sundae!"

"Oh, please..." Stu chuckled. "You don't have to go through the trouble—"

"Don't you worry!" Pinkie bounced away. "It's on the house!"

"Don't bother stoppin' her," Applejack hummed to the stallion. "Might as well try and tell water to stop bein' wet."

"R-right."

"I've been meaning to ask, Applejack," Twilight spoke. "Now that Apple Bloom has fully recovered—and she has recovered right?"

"Darn tootin'."

"Well, has she been dealing with any stress from school?"

"Beg yer pardon?"

"Well... she did miss out on quite a few of Cheerilee's lessons while she was bed-ridden."

"Oh. Yup, I suppose that's true."

"Well, I'm more than willing to pay the farm a visit and tutor her." Twilight smiled. "There's still a few weeks before Spike, Trixie and I make our trip to Canterlot. I'd be more than willing to help Apple Bloom catch up."

"Well, that's mighty neighborly of ya, Twilight..."

As the mares continued speaking...

...Rainbow found her eyes locked on Stu.

Stu Leaves was still smiling. However, it was a very thin... very delicate expression. His eyes fell to the table top, and although he sat perfectly still, he could be seen spinning the mug in his fetlocks... around and around and around. His shoulders shook slightly, and he let loose a prolonged exhale.

Rainbow Dash blinked, raising one eyebrow. Then Rarity said something that stole her attention, and she joined the conversaton once again.

Sunset Corner

"Whew-wee!" Applejack smiled as she trotted out of Sugarcube Corner with Stu in tow. "I am so full of cupcakes I could just about burst!" She nudged Stu. "How about you, partner?"

"I'm full of something alright—" Stu's eyes crossed, and he facehoofed. "Ungh... must I walk into everything?"

"Hah hah hah!" Applejack slapped her own knee. "Oh c'mon, now, darlin'. Just spread it around some and it'll make the flowers go!"

"Goodness me!" Rarity smiled as she, Twilight, and Trixie exited into the setting sun. "I do believe this is an entirely new side of Applejack!"

"Yeah! Heehee!" Pinkie Pie waved from the front entrance as she locked up. "The bubbly kind! Nighty night, everypony!"

"I am too bubbly!" Applejack pouted. "You've seen me when I'm playin' fetch with Winona or teachin' Apple Bloom how to hog tie!"

"You really g-get into it when you show me how to apple buck," Stu said with a fuzzy smile.

"Alas..." Rainbow flew overhead. "...another year, another pet."

"Oh hush!" Applejack spat.

"Heeheehee..." Rainbow giggled, landing at Fluttershy's side.

"So long, everypony!" Twilight waved as she and Trixie trotted towards the Golden Oaks library. "This was a really, really good day!"

"So long, Miss Sparkle. Miss Lulamoon." Stu waved back. "It was very... very nice getting a chance to hang out with you all."

"Back at you, Stu."

"Mmmm. Yes. Trixie enjoyed the cupcakes and Applejack's new mate. But mostly the cupcakes."

"Eugh... Trixie..."

"What? Trixie was being sincere!"

"Let's get back to planning our Canterlot trip."

"Sometimes, Sparkle, you confuse the mana out of me..."

"Bye everypony!" Rarity waved, trotting towards the far side of town. "So long, Mr. Leaves! It's been a pleasure!"

"I'd best be getting back to Angel and the rest of my animal friends," Fluttershy said. "They might not enjoy cupcakes, but they deserve treats too."

"Eeyup. Reckon we held y'all up long enough." Applejack cleared her throat. "But, for what it's worth, thanks. Thank y'all so much for... well... y'know..."

"For you, AJ, anything," Rainbow Dash said.

Applejack looked over. She smiled.

"May I walk you home, Applejack?" Stu asked.

"Heh..." Applejack winked and tilted her chin up. "Thought you'd never ask."

"But I was planning to all along—"

"Augh! Just take my hoof, ya silly varmint!"

"Oh! Uh! Sure thing!" Stu Leaves escorted her away from Sugarcube Corner.

"Been less than three hours since doin' my one and only couple's nuzzle and already I'm tryin' on Rarityisms."

"Heheh... maybe she's rubbed off on you?"

"That so? Reckon I should wear my mane like her?"

"Oh heck no."

"Hahahahah... oh golly, yer a hoot."

"If you say so, AJ."

"So long!" Fluttershy waved. She cupped her hooves around her muzzle. "You two are adorablllle!" She stood there, gazing with a warm smile. At last, with a sigh, she said, "Now Big Macintosh won't feel so awkward spending so much time at the cottage."

"Depends on whether or not all the animals have blindfolds," Rainbow droned.

"Uh!" Fluttershy rolled her eyes. "Rainbowwww..."

Rainbow sported a cheesy grin. "Fluttershyyyyyy..."

Both friends looked at one another in the dying light.

"Are you really okay?" Fluttershy asked.

"I'm... I'm getting there." Rainbow cleared her throat. "Just... uhhhhh..." She stared down at her squirming hooves.

Fluttershy stared at her... patient and quiet.

Rainbow swallowed a lump down her throat. "Fluttershy, if... if it's not a big deal..." Her voice shook slighty. "You... you think it'd be okay if... like... I-I hung out with you a bit longer tonight?"

"I think that would be more than perfect, Rainbow," Fluttershy said with a smile.

"I'll totally h-help you feed the animals their supper and whatnot—"

"Hehehe..." Fluttershy waved. "You don't have to do a thing."

"Just... j-just that..." Rainbow nervously glanced east, shivering. She sniffled. "...not sure I'm ready to be home alone quite yet."

Fluttershy closed the distance between them, nuzzling Rainbow close.

Rainbow lowered her head. At last, she produced a heavy sigh.

"Let's go for a walk," Fluttershy said. "We don't have to be at the cottage by sundown." She trotted forward, then motioned Rainbow to trot along. "You and Scootaloo have been hanging out a lot together, haven't you? Why don't you tell me how her flight lessons are going along?"

"Heh... the lil' squirt?" Rainbow Dash smirked, skipping ahead to join Fluttershy. "Light as a feather. And totally a quick learner. You've no idea!"

"Hehehe... apparently I don't! Why don't you fill me in!"

"Alrighty... brace yourself for awesomeness..."

Okay

Gentle music wafted out the speakers of a record player propped up in the corner of Fluttershy's foyer. The owner of the house sat on her couch, sipping daintily from a cup of tea. Starlight from the window bathed her shiny yellow coat as she lowered the cup and smiled.

"You're doing wonders for her, Rainbow Dash."

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow lay on her belly across the floor, rubbing a hoof across Angel's head. For once, the bunny was receptive to a pony's touch, and the fluffy thing smiled, rolling over so Rainbow could have access to its belly. "She hasn't flown yet."

"She's getting there, though." Fluttershy smiled. "Slowly but surely, thanks to you."

"I don't do 'slowly' very well."

"I beg to differ." Fluttershy watched as a songbird or two landed on the hoofrest of her couch. She leaned in to nuzzle them with a sweet smile. "It's amazing what a difference one mare can make by just being there for a pony they love. Especially a mare like you."

"Heheheheh..." Rainbow Dash chuckled.

"What?"

"'Love,' huh?" Rainbow sighed. "I just wanna see the lil' squirt get far in life."

"And is that so strange?" Fluttershy craned her neck to the side. "That you can love a pony without it being a super-obsessive ordeal."

"Meh."

"There's the love of sisters... the love of mentors... the love of friends."

"Scoots has so much potential, is all." Rainbow exhaled slowly. She looked past where her hoof was rubbing Angel's belly. "I hate to see all of that go to waste."

"What makes you think that could ever remotely happen?"

"'Cuz..." Rainbow gulped. "She's a lot like m-me."

Fluttershy stared at her firmly. She leaned her head off the couch. "Look at me."

Rainbow did so, trembling slightly.

"You are not a waste." Fluttershy's eyes narrowed. "Do you understand me? And you're never ever going to be one."

Rainbow's nostrils flared. "I know."

"Do you?"

Rainbow smirked slyly. "'Cuz I'm awesome."

Fluttershy leaned back with a sigh. "You've said that before."

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow looked back at Angel. "I've never meant it quite so much before."

"Oh?" Fluttershy took another sip.

"I've never realized how... friggin' simple it is..." Rainbow smiled limply. "To have friends... friends that are happy." She gulped. "And to know that they're happy."

"Mmmmm... it's a good thing, isn't it?"

"Makes me glad for Scoots." Rainbow cleared her throat. "And it makes me glad for Applejack."

"So long as you're not obsessing over either of them. They're going to be okay, Rainbow Dash."

Rainbow closed her eyes. "Easy to say that."

Silence, save for the soft, tranquil music.

"You know what I think you should do?" Fluttershy smiled. "Go on a vacation."

"Pffft..." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Yeah right."

"No, I mean it." Fluttershy spoke. "Find a week where you can go somewhere and... and be by yourself."

"I already do that," Rainbow muttered. "A lot."

"I mean leave your troubles and fears and obsessions behind, Rainbow," Fluttershy said. "Be somewhere and someplace for a little while where you can... live in the moment, y'know? Not feel so attached to... the feeling of being attached."

"So I won't have to stress it, huh?"

"Exactly."

Rainbow sighed.

"What do you think?"

"I think..." Rainbow gulped, her wingtips fluttering. "...that it sounds pretty nice, actually."

"It's going to be okay, Rainbow."

"...?" Fluttershy turned to look up at the couch.

Fluttershy smiled back. "It's going to be okay."

"What is?"

"Everything." Fluttershy winked. "I promise."

Rainbow stared at her. "Pffft..." She gazed back across the cottage. "You're such a sap."

"Says the pegasus fluffing a bunny rabbit."

"Go to Tartarus."

"Heeheehee..."

Rainbow smirked.

The record reached its end.

Talkative

"Hrmmmfff!" With a wind-up kick, Rainbow Dash cleared the last of the clouds over Ponyville.

"Just one more drill, and we'll be ready for the tree-clearing!" Thunderlane explained to Candy Mane. "I've gotta say, I'm super pumped!"

"Wow..." Candy Mane tilted her head aside while in mid-flight. "Just how many trees are you going to rip up?"

"Well, that is going to take all four cyclones," Thunderlane said. "But the idea is to coordinate them into a counter-clockwise swirl and sweep the northern edge of Everfree."

Candy Mane giggled. "You still didn't answer my question."

"Oh! Uhm..." Thunderlane tapped his chin. "None of the living trees. And the Cloudsdalian Commission already worked with the local wildlife ponies to move all fauna from the location—not that there was much living there already."

Rainbow flew over. "Basically, it's a bunch of dead things with dead roots that have no business being there anymore." She swiped the sweat from her brow. "We're just cleaning up shop so that mother nature will have a new, fresher earth to grow in."

"So, in a way, you're helping the Everfree?" Candy Mane remarked.

"Totally!" Rainbow grinned. "Ponies helping nature! It's about as pegasus as 'pegasus' gets."

"Hah! Nice..." Candy Mane grinned. "Almost makes me wish I was on one of the tornado teams."

"You can still help out," Rainbow said. "Just head on over during one of our drills and provide moral support."

"Or an extra pair of wings in case one of the ponies in Rainbow's team collapses dead." Thunderlane winked.

"Hah!" Rainbow planted her hooves on her flank with a hard smirk. "That's some talk coming from a stallion on the lowest scoring team so far!"

"H-hey..." Thunderlane brushed the back of his neck, blushing. "Cut it out! We had some no-show's, okay?"

"And I'll have you know that my team is comprised of the least squeaky wheels ever!" Rainbow cleared her throat. "Figuratively speaking."

"Heheh... I get it, Rainbow." Candy Mane smirked. "You must be so proud to be a team captain. I haven't seen you this enthusiastic in ages!"

"Heheheh... yeah, well..." Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Guess I've just got a chip on my shoulder lately."

"I'd say! You're actually talking to us! It's like you're a whole 'nother mare!"

"Don't be getting any crazy ideas now..."

"Heaven forbid." Candy Mane giggled as she and Thunderlane flew off to find another cloud. "You've got a reputation to protect, I bet."

"With a capital 'P.'" Rainbow said, smirking. She flapped her wings to join them when her eyes fell towards the rooftops of Ponyville. Her eyes blinked... then squinted.

Something was off about the marketplace. There was a single vendor conspicuously missing among the rest.

"Huh... weird..." Rainbow muttered aloud. "She must be taking a day off or something."

"Rainbow! Hey! We could use some help with this developing convection!"

"Sure thing! Coming!" Rainbow took one glance at the rooftops below, exhaled, then flew northeast with a calm smile.

Same Scoot Time, Same Scoot Channel

"Put your tail into, kid. I'm making it turbulent on purpose. You're gonna have to learn to use your tail if you want to stay upright."

Nevertheless, the appendage dangled limply behind me. I found myself teetering hard to the right in the upwards wind that Rainbow Dash was generating beneath me.

She blinked from where she lay on her back, wings flapping.

"Yo. Earth to Scoots. Are you listening to a word I'm saying?" Her voice rasped, "Part of taking lessons is being willing to learn from them. Not that I'm a friggin' expert or nothing, but... y'know what I mean, kid... kid?"

I sighed, jerking left and right in her wind currents.

"... ... ..." At last, Rainbow Dash cut her wings entirely, coiling them tightly at her side.

I found myself flailing in mid-air. "Wh-whoah!" I fell. Thwump! "Ooomf!" A protective set of forelimbs caught me. "Rainbow Dash?"

"Once again, you prove you're good at falling." She winked, but then continued giving me a concerned look. "What's the matter with you, Scoots? You don't seem to have your head in the game today."

"I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash."

"Don't be sorry, kiddo. You've just got me worried, that's all. Don't you wanna learn to fly?"

"Well, of course I do, I... I-I guess I'm just distracted."

"What for?"

"Well..." I stepped into the grass of the hilltop beside her. "It's just that..." I shrugged with a shudder. "Eh, it's not important."

"Don't say that." She sat up. "If it's important to you, then it's important to me, squirt."

"You wouldn't understand," I said. "I'm not sure even I understand."

"Will you just spit it out already?!" her voice cracked.

I flinched. "Well..." A gulp. "It's just that... Apple Bloom seemed really... really mopey today."

"You don't say?" Rainbow stifled a yawn. "That kid's got issues. Out of three of you little duckies, I'd say she's the most obsessed over cutie marks."

"Yeah, but this had nothing to do with that," I said, shaking my head. "Sweetie Belle and I tried to hang out with her at recess, but she said that she wasn't in the mood for playing any games."

"Wuh oh. I wonder what got stuck in her craw." Rainbow chuckled. "Maybe somepony slipped her another Tartarusian viper in her lunchbox."

"I... don't think that's it."

"I'm just joshin' ya, Scoots."

I cleared my throat. "Sweetie Belle tried asking her what the deal was, and... and Apple Bloom just said 'Applejack's been acting strangely.'"

Rainbow Dash blinked. "... really?"

"Yeah." I bit my lip. "Apple Bloom said that Applejack was... being really moody and grumpy and just..." I shrugged. "I dunno. I never saw Apple Bloom get so sad over nothing."

"She's not sad over nothing."

"Oh?"

"I mean, she cares about her older sis and if something's eating Applejack, then..." Rainbow Dash blinked, frozen in place.

"What, Rainbow Dash?"

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash coughed. "Say, kid. Uhm... I know we just started doing flight practice, but... but would you kill me if I postponed for another day?"

"Of course not, Rainbow." I stood up. "Is something the matter?"

"I... I'm not sure, kid." She ruffled my mane, turned-tail, and rocketed skyward in a blink. "I promise we'll continue this! Soon! You'll see!"

Sugarcube Conniption

Swoooooosh!

Rainbow Dash swooped through the door to Sugarcube Corner before it could close from the last patron exiting. She landed nimbly before the counter, startling Mrs. Cake.

"Whoah! Oh, goodness! Uhm... hello there, Rainbow Dash!" The rotund mare smiled, waving a nervous hoof. "Uhm... c-can I get ya something or...?"

"Uh... not right now, Mrs. Cake. Thanks..." Rainbow trotted briskly across the eatery, approaching a table full of familiar faces.

Rarity, Trixie, and Twilight sat at the table, giggling.

"And... and then!" Rarity smiled. "When I plugged her in, she just blew up!"

"Heeheeheee!"

"Hahahaha..." Trixie wiped her eyes dry. "Trixie actually gets it for once!"

"Good!" Twilight wheezed. "Because I don't!"

"Hey, girls. Having fun?" Rainbow remarked.

"Even more so now that you're hear, darling." Rarity took a sip of tea and gestured. "Grab a seat."

"Thanks. Another time, maybe." Rainbow cleared her throat. "Have you all seen Applejack?"

"Why?" Trixie smirked. "Has the apple horse drunk invisibility potion?"

"Hah!" Twilight slapped the tabletop. "Now that one I get! Heehee!"

"Look, I'm friggin' serious." Rainbow frowned, slicing the mirth in half with her tongue. "She didn't have her apple vendor opened at the marketplace today. And I just got done talking to Scootaloo who says that Apple Bloom was being all mopey at school 'cuz her older sister 'wasn't being herself.'"

"My my..." Rarity blinked. "That's a lot to digest."

"So, like, have any of you girls seen her today, or...?"

"Trixie hasn't."

Twilight also shook her head. "I haven't seen her since the last time we hung out here, Rainbow Dash. Maybe she... uh... had a little too many treats yesterday?"

"We did sort of binge, did we not?" Trixie added with a wink.

"Eugh..." Rainbow rolled her eyes and trotted off. "Never mind."

"Oh Rainbow, please, don't be so huffy." Rarity smiled. "We all have our off-days. Applejack's entitled too, don't you agree?"

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow's tail flicked as she sighed. "She's Applejack."

"If you're so concerned, why don't you go to Sweet Apple Acres and ask her yourself?" Twilight asked. "Nopony's stopping you."

"Mmmmm... right." Clearing her throat, Rainbow made for the doorway...

...only to run into Fluttershy.

"Oh... uhm... h-hi Rainbow," Fluttershy muttered, her voice bereft of melody.

"Hi yourself." Rainbow squinted. "What's up, Flutters? You look like you just buried another one of your critter friends."

"Uhm... no. That... that hasn't happened." Fluttershy chewed on her bottom lip. She raised one forelimb and rubbed it against another.

Rainbow's brow furrowed. "What the hay has gotten into you?"

"I... uh... I just got done talking to Big Macintosh," the pegasus murmured.

"Yeah, and?"

"He's... he's angry, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy said. "Perhaps the angriest I've ever seen him?"

"What? At you?!"

Fluttershy shook her head.

"Then what for?"

Fluttershy's ears drooped back.

Rainbow Dash glared. "Fluttershy, what for?"

Trouble at the Ranch

"Rrrr-Grrgggh!" Snarling, Applejack swung her posterior and slammed both rear hooves into yet another apple tree. Fruit went flying everywhere, with a few apples even ricoheting off her head and flank. The mare didn't seem to mind. In fact, she almost reveled in the matter. "Fine. Dun fall straight. Not like my whole darn livelihood depends on this consarn... h-hogwash!"

Panting, Rainbow Dash hovered behind the mare. "Applejack—"

"Yeah, what?!" Applejack snapped without looking back.

Rainbow Dash jolted in place, eyes wide. After a heavy blink or two, she stammered, "I... I-I just came from Sugarcube Corner—"

"Oh really?! Ain't that place grand?!" With another growl, Applejack bucked a tree at random. She didn't pause to put the apples into their respective baskets; she didn't even try. "What, is everypony expectin' me to go cartwheelin' in there with a dumb grin and start tossin' flowers around? Ain't that next on the list of time-honored traditions? Or did I miss some hoity-toity public dancin' in between?!"

"No... AJ..." Rainbow Dash squinted. She tried to contain her shivers; her heart shook with each angry outburst that rolled from Applejack's muzzle. "I was with Twilight, Rarity, and Fluttershy. You know... our friends?"

"What about them?"

"They're worried about you. I'm worried about you."

"Horse hockey," Applejack snorted, making her way to another tree. "You ain't ever scared over nothin'."

"You weren't at the marketplace with your apples today," Rainbow said, gesturing. "Scootaloo says that Apple Bloom was down in the dumps 'cuz her big sister was 'not acting like her normal self.'"

"That lil' filly expects every day to be the same as the last, then she's gonna grow up to be severely disappointed."

Rainbow frowned. "And on top of that, Fluttershy just got done telling me that Big Macintosh is practically screaming for bloody murder."

"Hah! Well if that ain't sublimely meat-headed of him!" Applejack smiled bitterly. "But, hey! Why not?! Stallions are what stallions do! Straight edged in one direction! No point in explainin' it! Just here and there and gone like a plow across the field!"

"Applejack—"

"Tell Fluttershy that she can let Macintosh do whatever he cotton-pickin' wants! Grnkkkt!" Thud! Applejack slammed another tree, panting, seething. "Go off and stomp a mudhole in a pony?! Sure thang! Httt!" Wh-Whack! "As if she's got any choice in the matter! I mean, why should she?! Not like he truly loves or cares about her enough to bother with—"

"Applejack!" Rainbow hollered. "He's your brother! Knock it off!"

Applejack slumped against a tree, huffing, frowning.

After a long breath, Rainbow spoke: "Exactly what happened between you and Stu?"

"Heh..." Applejack shook her head with a crooked smile. "Stu Stu Stu... is that what anypony ever asks about anymore?" She punched the trunk she was leaning against and stomped across the orchards towards another line of trees. "'Hello, Applejack. What are you doing with Stu this week?' 'Going on another date with your beau Stu, eh, darlin'?' 'Oh Applejack, ain't you and Mr. Leaves so divine!'" She kicked more trees. Her nostrils flared. "I run a farm, y'know! I have a business in sellin' apples! My family is older than Ponyville and everyone in this town wouldn't even have a livelihood if it weren't for this here blood runnin' through my vein! Does anypony ever wanna talk about that anymore?!"

"AJ, for crying out loud..." Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Who's questioning you or your business—?!"

"I was doin' just fine and dandy before Stupid Leaves came along!" Applejack barked. "There! I said it! Ain't you proud?"

"Uhhhh—"

"Oh dun be a lyin' varmint, Rainbow Dash. Everypony who's anypony knows you can't stand the stallion!" Applejack spat. "So average... so wishy-washy... the last to cross the finishin' line in every race, even though he puts his heart into it... his feelings... his... his pr-promises..." She clenched her teeth, then shut her eyes. "Darn it... dang it... dang him. I ain't breakin' for no... no loser. What does he have on me, huh?! On this farm?! On this land that my folks lived for... died for! My father done nearly broke his back plantin' these here trees! I dun need any... any stupid fuddy-duddy stallion dosey-doeing his way across the precious soil they done cultivated, y'hear? I dun need it! I hate it!"

"Applejack..." Rainbow Dash landed on weak legs. She fought herself, finding the strength to stand upright. "...what did Stu do?"

"Grffff!" Applejack tried bucking another tree. Instead, she leaned limply against it, her breaths ragged and thin. "... ... ...he... he came here early this mornin' just..." She gulped. "...just to tell me that it's all over..."

Rainbow Dash blinked. Her lips pursed. "You mean that Stu Leaves dumped you."

"What, are ya deaf or somethang?!" Applejack spun, barking at the pegasus. "Dun make me repeat it, Rainbow Dash! It makes no sense to me either!"

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash blinked. "It... I mean..." She gulped. "Just... just like that?"

"No, he also brought fireworks and a bunch of tap-dancin' elephants! Dang it!" Applejack spun, teeth showing. "He didn't even give no reason, Rainbow Dash! He just... j-just said that 'it was not meant to be' and that we couldn't see each other no more. And y'know what, if that's how vague and... and... mmmm... plum idiotic he's gonna be about it, then fine by me! I was better off without him anyway! Better off before... before I-I gave... I gave..."

Applejack's voice lost its fervor. Her breaths came in little squeaks. She hugged herself while her eyes remained steadfastly locked to some fixed point in the soil.

Rainbow Dash stared, her muzzle agape.

"Do... d-do you have any idea what... what it feels like to... t-to..." Applejack sniffled. "...to give so much of yerself that... that t'ain't no sense in tryin' to put it all back together. 'Cuz you trust one pony to hold it all in place. You dun gave him yer heart and... and it's all nothing?" She clenched her eyes shut. "Nothin' for nothin'?! And... and the worst part is that there's nothin' left to even hate myself with... cuz... cuz it's all gone. There's nothin', Rainbow. I... I tried it... I tried love and... and it's all nothin'."

A sob escaped Applejack's throat... followed by another. The mare quivered, imploded, hugging herself with shaking forelimbs.

Rainbow's body had grown numb, and it wasn't from atrophy. Her ears drooped as a foalish whimper came from her lips. "Applejack... Applejack, are... are you...?"

"For years I d-didn't thank I could ever afford it... afford to taste of it..." Tears poured from Applejack's eyes, marring her freckles in the sunlight. "...and I was fine with that. I was fine, Rainbow. And then he came... and... and I didn't think it'd m-matter until it mattered." She hiccuped, covering her face as she sobbed into her fetlocks. "After all these years, I-I thought I had actually f-found my place. It was startin' to make sense, Rainbow. But now... n-now nothin' makes sense... and... and I dun think I'll..." She hyperventilated. "...d-dun think I'll ever get to know what Ma and Pa did." She gnashed her teeth. "Such strength... that pr-preciousness..."

"But... but you are strong, Applejack," Rainbow whispered. She reached a trembling hoof out. "You're... you're the strongest—"

Applejack fell to the ground.

With a jolt, Rainbow Dash tried to catch her. She could only hug her as Applejack laid across the ground, shuddering.

"I just... j-just don't understand..." Applejack cried. "Why would he do this? Everythang was just perfect... perfect." Snarling, she punched the ground with her hoof. "Darn him! Would it kill another soul... just one soul in this stinkin' world to be honest?! Is that askin' too much?!" She shuddered. "Am I all there is?"

"You're more than that, Applejack. Please, don't cry," Rainbow Dash stammered. "You don't... don't..." She clenched her eyes shut as tears began welling along the edges. She leaned forward, nuzzling Applejack through her hat. It was the closest she felt to her... to such heavenly warmth. The scent of hay... blemished by tears. A heavy shudder rolled through Rainbow's muscles, ending in a vicious snarl. When her eyes opened, they were completely dry... and seeing red. "Wait right here."

Applejack sniffled. She rubbed her cheek. "Rainbow..."

Blue feathers ruffled. With flapping wings, Rainbow took to the sky.

Swallowing a lump down her throat, Applejack managed to tilt her head up, squinting at the clouds. "Where... what are you—?"

"I'm going to fix this."

"Rainbow...?"

"I promise." FWOOOOOSH!

Loyal Launch

Rainbow Dash only made it about half-a-mile before she had to descend. Her lungs couldn't contain their breaths any longer.

Rainbow landed in a sparsely wooded thicket. She stumbled onto numb hooves, and she had to lean against a random tree for support.

The mare wheezed and wheezed. Her vision was getting blurry.

Nevertheless, her heart ran circles inside her chest, and in between each split-second beat, she saw flashes of Applejack's tear-stained freckles... heard echoes of the mare's sobbing voice.

Rainbow Dash clenched her eyes shut, and still the sensations would not go away.

She had never seen the mare that distraught before... that weak... that hurt.

"Mrrrmmmfff..." Rainbow Dash pressed her forehead against the tree. "Rrrrgghhhh!" She banged and banged and banged her head against the bark, but the recent scene would not go away.

The pain would not go away... the pain that belonged to another mare... the last pony on earth who deserved it.

Rainbow gnashed her teeth until she couldn't contain it any longer. "Rrrrrgh—Aaaaaaaugh!"

She punched and punched the tree until the numbness was completely gone. Her heart slowed to a normal, angry lurch, and she was seething.

Glaring skyward with renewed vigor, the mare breathed in, breathed out, breathed in... then propelled herself into the air. SWOOOOOSH! A miniature clap of thunder rolled, disturbing the topmost branches as she burned a beeline for the north edge of the Everfree Forest.

Leaves and Let Die

"Say, uh..." Sharp Quill blinked at the skies over the dead trees of north Everfree. "You suppose that's really a good idea?"

"Huh?" muttered another pegasus beside him.

Sharp Quill pointed at two cyclones spinning in the distance, powered by dozens of winged ponies. "We've never had two tornado teams practicing at the same time before."

The other pegasus shrugged. "So maybe the Cloudsdale Commission wishes to save time." He continued doing wing push-ups alongside several other volunteer fliers in the afternoon sunlight. "We'd be doing the same if only our team leader wasn't super tardy."

"Yeah, just where is Rainbow Dash, anyways?"

"Beats me."

"That's not like her." Sharp Quill looked up into the sky above them. "Say! Stu!"

Sweating, panting, Stu continued kicking clouds together, then bursting them into evaporated mists with his hooves.

"Hey!" Sharp Quill waved. "You talked to Rainbow Dash lately? Do you have any idea why she's super late to today's drill? It's kind of an important meet, y'know."

Wheezing, Stu swiped his brow and muttered, "If it's all the same to you, Sharp." A gulp. "I... uh... really gotta get these skies clear."

"Don't you think it's weird that she wouldn't show up on the afternoon we needed her the most?"

Stu clenched his jaw tight. He continued kicking clouds with a nervous jitter.

"Yeesh..." Sharp Quill deflated to the arid earth. "What's in the water today?"

"Certainly not the rain you've been making," muttered another teammate.

Sharp Quill glared aside. "Now that's a low blow."

"Heeheehee..."

Fwooooosh! Just then, the air shook as a certain mare made a thunderous entrance. With glaring eyes, Rainbow Dash skimmed the two cyclones and approached the air above her team.

"Oh hey!" Sharp Quill brightened. "There she is! Hey Rainbow Dash!" He waved. "Better late than never, huh?"

"Not now, Sharp Quill." Rainbow made like a bullet for Stu.

"But the other two teams are already practicing and we're just sitting here—"

"Muzzle. Shut. Now." Rainbow flew directly over him.

"Meep." Ears drooping, Sharp Quill sat in place. Several other pegasi squirmed nervously.

"Stu!" Rainbow swept through the sky and approached the stallion in question. "Stu Leaves!"

"I'm busy, Rainbow Dash," he muttered, bucking another cloud. "Gotta clear the sky for—"

POW! Rainbow obliterated the clouds in a blink. She hovered in front of him with a monstrous glare. "You need to go back to Sweet Apple Acres."

Stu's eyes twitched, looking at her.

"Fix things with Applejack," Rainbow growled. "Now."

Stu fumed. He pivoted away from her and made for another cloud. "It's too late for that now."

"My butt, it's too late!" Rainbow's voice cracked as she flew alongside him. "You need to get your sorry flank back to her, tell her you're sorry, and fix the mess that you've made while you still can—"

"There's nothing to fix!" Stu said through clenched teeth. He wheezed despite himself, then bucked another cloud. "I don't know who you've been talking to, or who put you to this, but all I can do is make things worse—"

"No... no! You and only you can put this back together!"

"I don't see why—"

"Because Applejack loves you, ya bucking idiot!" Rainbow Dash flew into his face, hissing. "Although Celestia knows why! You're a wuss and a coward and... and... stupid!"

"Do you honestly think anypony knows that more than me?!"

"Applejack does! And for whatever reason, she was willing to look past that! She made a sacrifice!" Rainbow's eyes burned. "Is it really asking so much for you to do the same?!"

"Yes, Rainbow. It is." Stu seethed, though he trembled. "It's asking too much of Applejack."

"The buck is that supposed to mean?!" she barked.

"It means that she's better off without me." Stu shuddered. His eyes moistened as he glanced aside. "Either I let her go now, or... or..."

"Or what?!"

Stu gnashed his teeth. "...it d-doesn't matter. Like I said, what's done is done." He wandered to another cloud. "B-best to just... just accept things and m-move on with our lives."

"Oh no you don't!" Rainbow Dash flew into him, wrestling him away from the clouds.

"Guh! Augh!" Stu shook and rattled in her grasp. "What the—Agh! Rainbow?!" He finally shook free from her forelimbs. "The heck's gotten into you?!"

"The heck's gotten into me?!" Rainbow spat. "Applejack's in tears! Sobbing and bawling in tears over you!"

Stu blinked at her, shivering.

"And I've never seen her so... so..." Rainbow's muzzle contorted painfully. She clenched her eyes shut, inhaling through her teeth. "Stu, you don't just enter a pony's life, make a home, then abandon it. Everything collapses. And even the strongest... most courageous ponies... without a foundation..."

Stu bit his lip.

Rainbow opened her teary eyes, frowning at him. "All my life, I've had to suffer from a mother who was never there." She gulped hard. "And an awesome father who was there for too little... only to kick the bucket." She sniffed. "Applejack's dealt with the same, if not worse. And she's been fine with it. She's been strong and steady and sane... until today..." She snapped. "Until you!"

With a gulp, the stallion looked aside.

"So friggin' go back to her and fix it! Or this whole damn thing is on your head!" Rainbow Dash blinked, hear ears folding back. "Just what's the big friggin' deal?! You had it so perfect! The both of you! Or was perfect not awesome enough?!"

Stu was trembling at this point. He rubbed his forelimbs together.

"For crying out loud, Stu! You bought her a friggin' expensive crystal piece of crap with your own earnings!" Rainbow flailed her forelimbs. "What's gotten into you?!"

"Applejack, she..." Stu clenched his teeth to keep from clattering. "She showed me her family's graves." He stifled a whimper. "She invited me into the most tender... most sacred sanctum of her life..."

"Yeah, and?!"

"And..." Stu swallowed a lump down his throat. "...that's when I realized that this... all of this... it... it has a future. It all ends up someplace that... that I'm not good enough for."

Rainbow merely blinked.

"Applejack is so amazing. She... she makes me happy. She makes me feel complete. And... and I love..." He bit his own tongue, wincing. Tears welled up in the corners of his eyes, but he fought them back. After a gulp, he muttered, "I left Cloudsdale for a reason, Rainbow Dash. All I've ever done in life is mess up. And since foalhood, all the pegasi I've ever known have done their best to remind me of that... every single day." He sniffed. "I can be a hard worker... I can be a good friend. But... but can I run a farm? Can I actually expect myself to make Applejack happy all her life? To... to sire her children?" He growled, shaking his head. "I don't deserve to be planted in that holy ground someday... to have my name marked on her land. I'll only mess things up... make her and her family miserable with my lameness."

"Is that what this is all about?!" Rainbow Dash sputtered. "You're just some lame-o who's afraid to commit?!"

"It's not about commitment!" Stu frowned. "It's about failure! I can't compare to Applejack, Rainbow! Nopony can! You know this!" He shuddered, then flew slowly past her. "Best that I end it now before I make things even worse by weighing her down. Maybe... just m-maybe another stallion... a stronger stallion will brush paths with her. But she deserves better—"

"She's not waiting for another stallion, ya jackass!" Rainbow spun him around, forcing the two to look eye-to-eye. "She's waiting for you!" She hollered, causing the ponies alone to stir nervously. "Applejack never even tickled the idea of having a special somepony until she met you!"

"Well she's mistaken—"

"Honest Applejack?!" Rainbow Dash glared. "Face it, chump. She's got her priorities straight! You're the one who's bucking things up here! So you gotta set things straight on your end or else nothing's ever gonna be fixed!"

"How?!"

"Are you deaf?! Go back to her and fix this before the hole's dug too deep!"

"She's not going to give me another chance!"

"Rrrrgh!" Rainbow shoved him. "You're not going to know that until you try!"

"Not everypony's as daring and courageous as you, Rainbow!"

"You don't have to be! You just gotta be honest and have faith!" Rainbow hissed, "Don't you see?! You have an opportunity to be better than what you've always been! To be better than what everypony has labeled you to be!"

"I... I..."

"You've been given a golden opportunity, bucko!" Rainbow waved her hoof southwest. "Back there is your ticket! Your one and only ticket to get past yourself, Stu! And believe me! If Applejack's offering it, then you ain't gonna get a chance that's anywhere close to being even half as good!"

"What are you even doing this for?!" Stu cackled. The wind around them picked up, gustier and gustier. "You don't believe in me, Rainbow! Nopony believes in me! Why work so hard to make me undo what's already been done?!"

"Because I love her!" Rainbow exclaimed.

Stu Leaves blinked.

"Applejack's m-my friend." Rainbow wheezed, wincing. "And I want to see her happy... I need to know that her life is complete. And for some Celestia-damned reason the only key to that is you!" Her mane whipped in the tempestuous air. "Now... are you going to go back to that farm or am I going to have to drag you there in pieces?"

Stu squinted against the wind. He shuddered more than once. "Rainbow Dash... if... if you really feel that—"

A gust of air knocked them off balance. The wind was howling at this point. Both pegasi had to flap their wings extra hard just to stay upright.

Before either of them could say another word, a series of shouts and screams lit up the air from a distance.

"Hold it! Hold it together!"

"It's veering off!"

"Look out! Get them to break off!"

"It's too late!"

"Move!"

Rainbow Dash spun about. Facing north, she dropped her jaw at a ghastly sight.

One of the two conjured tornadoes had veered off-course. As the pegasi flying inside it lost control, the uneven cyclone drifted south, colliding with the other weather anomaly. The air clapped with thunder. Pegasus bodies were launched wildly out of the mess. They regained their flight hundreds of feet away, but both teams couldn't regroup in time. Before everyone—the Cloudsdale Weather Commission included—a doubly large cyclone was birthed, whirling violently in a southward path.

Sharp Quill and several other wingmates hovered up at Rainbow and Stu's side.

"What's... what's the matter?!"

"Did the two tornadoes just collide?!"

"It's headed this way!"

"It's massive!"

"Why aren't they breaking it up?!"

Rainbow Dash gulped. "It's bigger than regulatory size now..." She gritted her teeth. "Nopony can control a tornado of that magnitude."

"OhmygoddessOhmygoddessOhmygoddess..."

"You've gotta be kidding me..."

"It's getting closer! Everypony move—"

"No!" Sharp Quill shouted. "Wait!" He spun around, gazing southeast. He turned back to squint at the incoming cyclone. "Rainbow... on its current course—"

"I know." She nodded gravely. "It's headed straight for Ponyville."

Stu and several other ponies bit their lips, trembling in midair.

"Wh-what..." Sharp Quill paled. "What should we do?!"

"What else?" Rainbow Dash shot forward with a frown. "Team! Form up!"

"But... b-but...!" Stu scampered after her in midair. "But I thought you said that nopony can control it at this point! What are we going to do?!"

"Control it anyway!" Rainbow swung a hoof forward as she flew towards the howling tempest. "Come on, everypony! We're the only pegasi that stand in its way!"

"You've gotta be joking!" Sharp Quill's voice cracked as he nervously followed.

"Wish I was!" Rainbow hollered north towards the helpless teams above the fringes of Everfree. "Somepony! Fly ahead to Ponyville! Tell everyone to evacuate! Now!"

"Get out of there!" A member of the Cloudsdale Commission hollered back. "The winds are too strong for—"

"Evacuate Ponyville!" Rainbow hollered. "Tell 'em we're gonna try our best to break it up!" She looked over her shoulder, spotting the majority of her team following behind. "You guys ready?!?"

"Ready as we'll ever be!" Sharp Quill stammered.

"Rainbow, I don't think that—" Stu began.

"This is it!" Rainbow soared straight into the gusting winds. "Now or never! Arrowhead formation! Cut on through! Then take tier positions!" Rainbow clenched her eyes shut as she pierced the gales. "Go go go—"

FW-FW-FW-FW-FWOOOSH!

Power On Through It

Rainbow couldn't count how many times her ears had popped since entering the funnel of the cyclone. It took her almost a full minute to fly herself upright, and even then she couldn't see the spinning horizon through the thick dust howling all around her. Once she was almost certain about what was "up" from what was "down," she arced her body to the right and followed the rotation until she drew closer and closer to the base. At one point, she hit major air resistance, and her body ached from the impenetrable winds rippling against her.

"Hrmmmfff... nghhhh..." Gnashing her teeth, she braved a look behind her. In a blink or two, she caught several dark shapes in the rotating cloud—and almost all of them were lagging several meters behind. "If anypony can hear me!" She hollered. "I'm... gnnngh... g-gonna approach the base! I need twice as many ponies occupying Tier Two as possible!"

FW-FWOOOOSH! A particularly strong gust tore at her wings.

"Aaaugh!" She grimaced, angling her body to pierce through the madness. She managed to not lose too much momentum. "We have to gather ourselves at the base in order to disrupt the rotation! The sooner we do it, the less debris we have to contend with! Now form up! I'm going in!"

She thought she heard voices shouting back at her, but there was no time to delay and find out if her commands had registered with the rest or not. The mare pressed on, clenching her eyes shut as she fought against the howling gale at the base of the tornado.

"Mrmmmff... come on... come onnnn..."

Her spine ached. Her wingfeathers tingled with pain, threatening to rip loose at the quills.

The air above her whistled—but for another reason. One by one, a dozen bodies descended, creating a dense formation over her head. Pegasus shapes sliced their way until they were riding the spinning currents as evenly as possible.

"Rainbow!" Sharp Quill's voice hollered. "Rainbow Dash, are you there?!"

"Stay in line!" Rainbow hollered through the bedlam. "I can't pull back! We have to have at least one pony at the base or else we'll lose the entire thing!"

"What's your plan for once you get there?!"

"Wind drag!"

"Huh?!"

"I'll angle my wings against the current and use the weight of my body to—"

"Your feathers will rip off at the speed this thing is going!"

"Not with you guys there to help me!" Rainbow hollered. "When I shout the word 'Go,' I want you all to do the same! Angle your wings so you'll drag against the wind! One way or another, we gotta break this thing up before it reaches Ponyville!"

"Won't you need help at the first tier?!"

"Can anypony make it to me?!"

"Uhhhh... uhhhhhhhh..."

"Sharp Quill?!" Rainbow Dash gnashed her teeth as bits of branches and clumps of dirt surged past her. "Grnnngh... we don't have time for this! Is anypony close enough to join me?!"

"I... I'm here, Rainbow..."

Sputtering, Rainbow glanced aside.

She caught the barest hint of a dangling fetlock in her peripheral. She immediately recognized the coat color.

"Stu!" she hollered. "You alone?!"

"I've got Wind Whistler and Raindrops here!" Stu exclaimed. "But I don't think any of us can make it to you!"

"Well, you gotta make it here anyway!" Rainbow shouted. "The more we have at the base, the better!"

"Rainbow, the winds are too thick!" Stu hollered back. "There's no sense in us killing ourselves! There's no sense in you killing yourself!"

"Are we a team or aren't we?!" Rainbow frowned. She found it hard to stare into the cyclone without her goggles. "We just gotta power on through it! For Ponyville!"

"Oh Celestia," a mare's voice whimpered. Rainbow assumed it was Raindrops. "We're about to hit the edge of the forest!"

"Rainbow!" Sharp Quill hollered. "We're running out of clear ground!"

"Then no more wasting time!" Rainbow fought and struggled and kicked her way towards the base. "Stu! Move your flank! Tell the other two with you to do the same—"

"Just one."

"Huh?!"

"Wind Whistler fell back!" Stu hollered. "Just you and me and Raindrops now!"

"Fine! Whatever! Just move! Move!" Rainbow stuck both forelimbs forward. Through the numbness, she felt a torturous bubbling in her blood from the sheer force of the wind she was pushing against. "Grnnngh... going to... m-make a cone of air! If you follow right behind me—"

"Got it! Wind Whistler! At my side!"

"You have to fl-fly even, Stu!"

"No, I have to follow Rainbow Dash! She's clearing a path for us! Can't you se—"

"Rainbow!" Sharp Quill's voice echoed down the hellish funnel. "We're hitting the forest now—!" His voice was swallowed up by an immense tearing noise. Down below, the earth exploded with twigs, branches, and shattered trunks.

"Debris!" Stu Leaves hollered. "Debris incoming! Everypony brace yoursel—"

THW-THW-THWOOOOSH! Splintery objects flew into the funnel, spinning at maddening speeds and slicing their way around the cyclone's circumference.

"Keep your momentum!" Rainbow hollered. "Upper tiers! Rotate so that your soft bellies face the center—"

"Aaaaugh!" A pony flew out of formation, narrowly dodging a large boulder.

Up above, all along the tornado's structure, Rainbow heard shrieks and yelps as ponies were knocked clear from their spinning paths. Bodies flew out of the tempest, landing roughly across the shattered earth, where they collapsed dazed and aching.

"We're losing wingmates left and right!" Sharp Quill hollered. "Rainbow, if we're going to stop this thing, we gotta do it now before it picks up even more debris!"

"Right!" Rainbow Dash shouted up the funnel. "It's now or never! Stu?! Raindrops?! With me!"

"With you what?!" Raindrops sputtered.

"We have to make wind drag right when she does!" Stu exclaimed.

"Oh goddess..."

"You ready up there, Sharp Quill?!"

"Ready as we'll ever be!"

"On 'go!' Three... two... one..." Rainbow Dash angled her wings back. "GO!" She immediately regretted the act. Her body screamed in pain. Waves of agony shot up and down her spine. However, with gnashing teeth, she held her wings in place, catching as much air into her pegasus limbs as possible. "Mrnnnnnghhhh-gauuughhhh!"

Stu howled in pain.

Raindrops shrieked... shrieked again and—FWOOOSH!

"Raindrops!" Rainbow wheezed.

"Too late, Rainbow!" Sharp Quill's pained voice echoed. "She's collapsed somewhere outside the tornado!"

"Keep... dragging...!" Rainbow sputtered, eyes tearing. "We're all that remains...!"

"Sharp!" Stu wheezed, quivering all over. "Is... is it doing anything—?!"

"Ground movement has slowed! But the thing's spinning out of control!"

"It'll do that! But it's working!" Rainbow panted. "Just have to... h-have to maintain it!"

"My wings are going to fl-fly off..." Stu whimpered.

"Then suck 'em in!" Rainbow growled. "Or else they're forever gonna call us the losers that wrecked Ponyville—

"Water!" Sharp Quill shouted. "We're going over water!"

Rainbow gasped. Her eyes darted to the center of the tornado in time to spot a wave of blue misting madly towards them.

"Waterspout procedures!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "Everypony hold your breat—"

POWWW!

"Aaaaugh!" Stu Leaves hollered. The watery wave struck him hard and he flew back.

"Rnnngh!" Rainbow Dash flung a hoof out, catching him by the fetlock.

Stu gasped.

With a yell, Rainbow twisted her muscles and pulled him in beside her.

Both pegasi pierced the mists together and swirled around the base of the funnel.

"What... why...?" Stu yelped.

"Because I still need you, Einstallion!" Rainbow looked up, panting. "The cyclone's slowing. Sharp!" She hollered. "Sharp Quill! How's everypony?!"

Nothing but howling winds.

"Sharp?!?" Rainbow wheezed.

"I think they're gone," Stu stammered. "The water coalesced above us and shoved them out."

Rainbow's wet ears twitched. "...explains why the wind's picking up again."

"Ah jeez..." Stu gritted his teeth, flying beside her in circles and circles. "Ah jeez we're screwed."

"No we're not—"

"We bucked up! We destroyed Ponyville—"

"We're in the exact place we need to be!" Rainbow shoved Stu into position and resumed her slicing revolutions. "Now gain some air and prepare to drag wind again!"

"What, just the two of us?!"

"It'll have to do!"

"But the tornado's too massive!"

"We almost broke it up just a minute ago!"

"Rainbow, we had a second tier of wingmates to help us then! What do we have now?!"

"We have a lot of guts and at least two balls between us! And I'm not telling you which belong to who!"

"Dammit, Rainbow, this is not Cider Space!" Stu shouted. "Doing the impossible can kill us!"

"Then do the impossible anyway!"

"Huh?!"

She frowned back at him. "You have what it takes to make this work, Stu! You always have! You just gotta do it!"

"But—"

"I don't care how much it sucks!" Rainbow spat. "You wanna be a chump for the rest of your life?! Then stand up!"

Stu merely stared at her.

"Okay!" Rainbow squinted ahead as she shouted above the deafening howl. She choked briefly on flying water but fought through it. "When I give the shout, we both drag our wings again! Just like last time! Only now... try pulling up and into the center of the funnel!"

"What will that do?!"

"I'm betting just the two of us will be enough to direct the tornado's winds inward! We're gonna use this thing's own momentum against itself so it'll implode! Got it?!"

"I... I-I guess—"

"Good enough!" Rainbow Dash spread her wings wide. "You ready?!"

Stu took the deepest breath of his life. "Ready!"

"Three... two... one..." Rainbow clenched her eyes shut and pivoted her wingfeathers back. "Go—"

The sheer pain of the gesture stole the breath right out of her lungs. She had no power to scream, only writhe in agony as the tempest tore at her muscles. Nevertheless, she blocked the current as best as she could, redirecting it inward with her petite figure.

"Rnnngh... almost..." Tears evaporated as soon as they left her sockets. "Almost..." The pain intensified. Her nerves tingled, and a kaleidoscope of shapes and colors tore across her retinae. Tear-stained freckles. Lancie's gray antlers. The rosiness in her dying father's eyes. "...!"

Rainbow slipped.

"Aaaugh!" She yelped, toppling backwards.

FW-FW-FWOOSH!

"No no no no no no—!" Gnashing her teeth, Rainbow retracted her wings, contracted her body, and shot her feathers back out. "Aaaaugh!" She yanked herself to a stop, anchoring herself two tiers above the base of the tornado. "Dang it! Dang it to Tartarus!" She hyperventilated, looking all throughout the hazy rotating clouds. "Stu!" She gulped. "Stu, I lost control! I flew up at least ten meters! At this rate, I don't know if I can fly my way back to—" She looked down, and she froze.

In the dead-center of the tornado's base was Stu. The stallion sped so swiftly around the heart of the cyclone that his body had become a gray blur. All the while, a banshee scream rose up the center of the anomaly. The pegasus shouted at the top of his lungs, twisting his body to the side and using a single wing to drag at the rotating currents. Rainbow could see the vaporous trails of distorted air around his left flank. The swirling clouds around him grew thinner and thinner as he wrestled with the heart of the storm.

Rainbow blinked. Her muzzle hung agape... then clenched shut. One breath... two...

...and she coiled her wings at her side completely.

Within milliseconds, the winds overpowered her dormant body. Rainbow Dash was flung clear from the tornado.

She landed on wind-torn earth, where she tumbled to a raggedy stop across the uneven soil.

"Ooomf! Guh! Augh!" Rainbow rolled and rolled... then finally came to a quivering stand-still. Her aching body tried sitting up, only to fall back down again. "Ughhhh..."

"Rainbow!" Sharp Quill stammered from afar.

The mare's ears tickled to the sound of numerous flapping wings.

Sharp Quill and the rest of the team—battered but alive—caught up to her. The stallion sat behind her and raised her up.

"Are you in one piece? Say something?"

"...Ow." Rainbow rubbed her shoulders.

"What happened?! I thought you had it!"

"I..." Rainbow gulped, gazing up at the tornado as it drew away, growing more and more distant. "I-I guess I just... lost control."

Every pegasus around her moaned.

"Then I guess that's it," Raindrops whimpered. "We're doomed."

"Wait a minute..." Sharp Quill squinted. "...Stu Leaves is still inside that thing!"

"Then we're really doomed," another pegasus wheezed.

"No... no, just..." Rainbow Dash stumbled up to her hooves. "Just you watch." She gulped. "Stu's got this."

"Stu Leaves?"

"Shhhh!" Sharp Quill insisted.

Rainbow Dash bit her lip, watching with palpitating breaths. "Come on, Stupid..." She shook... shivered. "You've got this..." Sweat and rainwater trickled over her eyes, but she remained standing... staring... whispering. "You've got this you've got this you've got this..."

The tornado grazed a farmland and two fencelines. It continued—undaunted—towards the unmistakable skyline of Ponyville to the south.

Rainbow clenched her teeth. Her petite lungs formed the faintest of whimpers—

"Look!" a pony shouted.

Everyone held their breaths. Before their eyes, the tornado unraveled—layer after cloudy layer of smokey haze lifting skyward... and dissolving.

"He did it..."

"He did it!"

"Woooo-yeah!" Sharp Quill pumped a hoof in the air. "Go Stu!"

"Stu Leaves for the wind!"

"Omigoddess! Omigoddess! That's incredible!"

Rainbow Dash exhaled. She fell back on her haunches, shivering.

Pegasi rushed past her—some on wing and some simply galloping. The air—no longer howling with tornadic winds—was filled with cheers and shrieks of joy. Rainbow watched as the rest of the pegasi from the Everfree Meet-up joined with her team. They gathered around the site where the tornado had disappeared. Within minutes, they were lifting a stallion's body up on their shoulders in celebration.

Rainbow craned her neck, blinking curiously.

From afar, she could detect a noticeable tremor to the stallion's figure. Stu was alive—that much was certain. And from the mirth still ripe in the air, Rainbow could only assume he was in one piece as well. Through the cantering, leaping figures, she almost thought she could make out the glint of two eyes peering her way.

Another exhale, and Rainbow Dash bore a limp smile. She tried standing up, but her legs had grown numb beyond the point of recognition. So, with a groan, she flapped her aching wings... and slowly joined the ecstatic celebration.

A Job Well Dashed

The air north of Ponyville was still awash with chatter and exclamations, even an hour after the combined cyclones had been dissipated. Rainbow Dash's ears twitched to the voices as she sat on a hilltop overlooking several teams of weather fliers gathered in a tight circle around Stu Leaves and his wingmates.

Despite the congratulatory remarks and hoof-bumps, Stu Leaves fidgeted with unease. His eyes darted around, as if looking for an opportunity to escape from the rambunctious, ecstatic crowd.

Rainbow's eyes were trained on him the whole time. She didn't budge an inch; she could barely move, really. The numbness had grown so intense, magnified from the ordeal she had thrown her body through just sixty or eighty minutes ago.

"Rainbow!" A familiar voice sputtered from behind. "Rainbow Dash!"

Rainbow glanced over her shoulder.

With pitter-pattering hooves, Twilight Sparkle galloped up to the top of the hill. Spike sat on her back while Trixie came up the rear, panting.

"Rainbow! There you are! Omigosh...!" Twilight skidded to a stop, breathless. "I just heard what happened! Is everypony okay?"

"Heh... yeah. It's all cool." Rainbow bore a tired smirk. "No sweat."

"No sweat?!" Spike's facial scales stretched into a grimace. "We're hearing that Ponyville was nearly leveled to the ground by a runaway tornado!"

"Trixie... would not... have liked that..." The other unicorn wheezed. Her sweat glistened in the afternoon light. "Trixie has grown... use to this... st-stupid town... unnngh..." Fwomp! She collapsed in a tired, fuzzy pile.

"The... uh..." Rainbow gulped. "The Cloudsdale Weather Commission is going over what happened," she said. "Looks like one of the officials was asleep on the job, or else they wouldn't have had two tornadoes rotating in the same direction being conjured so close to one another."

"Never mind how it started!" Twilight's eyes blinked brightly. "I can't get over how they got stopped! Everypony in town is saying that your team overtook the cyclones and ended them before a single house could be destroyed!"

"We were pretty quick to outfly the things, yeah." Rainbow pointed into the crowd with a limp limb. "But if you wanna talk to the real hero, he's standing right there in the middle of everypony."

Twilight and Spike squinted.

"Who?" Spike blinked. "Stu?! Seriously?"

"Go ask him yourself, doubting dragon," Rainbow said with a sly grin.

"Don't mind if we do." Twilight shuffled down the hill. Ponies saw her, instantly recognized Celestia's apprentice, and opened a path for her to reach the stallion. "Hey! Mr. Leaves!"

Stu looked over. His ears perked, and he looked relieved to be in the presence of an extended friend. "Twilight!" He gulped. "I... uh... I-I'm sorry for the riot here..."

"You call this a riot, Mr. Leaves?" Twilight bore a dumb smile. "More like a celebration! Is it true? Did you stop the tornado?"

Before Stu could respond—

"Oh, it's true, alright!" Sharp Quill said with a smile.

"He wrestled the thing to oblivion!" Thunderlane interjected. "Let's hear it for the conquering hero!"

"Hooraaaaay!"

"Yaaaay!"

"Uhhhh... look... everypony, please..." Stu gulped. "I... I really need to get out of here."

"Why, dude?" Spike shrugged. "What's the big hurry? You kicked a tornado's butt today and saved an entire town! Soak it up!"

"I just..." Stu shuddered. "I have someplace to be. Please."

"I think the Mayor would like to hear about what's happened here!" Twilight said with a smile.

"For Celestia's sake... I-I was just lucky!" Stu pointed up the hill. "If you really, really want to thank somepony, thank Rainbow Dash. She rallied everypony together and had us fly into the tornado to begin with!"

"Yeah, but you took it down, bro!" Spike pumped his claw in the air. "Didn't you?"

"Rainbow deserves to share in the spotlight too." Twilight turned around and gazed uphill. "Hey, Rainbow! If it's all okay with you, I think we should go tell the Mayor about this in person!" She blinked. "...Rainbow?"

The hilltop was barren.

The front door to Rainbow Dash's cloud home teetered open.

With a tiny grunt, Rainbow nudged her way inside, head first.

She moved through the power of her wings alone. Her legs dangled beneath her.

On a teetering path, she made her way to the bathroom. There, a jug of Zecora's special brew lingered. She attempted grasping the bottle and opening it, but she could barely get the lid to budge. About two minutes in, she gave up with a groan.

On a zig-zagged path, she hovered into her bedroom, levitated above her mattress...

...and simply dropped.

Th-Thwump!

"Eeeeeeeeeeeuuuu-yeahhhhhhhhhhh..." Dead tired, Rainbow Dash shimmied herself like a snake until she was half-buried in comfy, warm blankets. Her extremities tingled, and the numbness morphed into immediate slumber. A flicker of the day's chaotic, emotional images fizzled briefly through her mind, and she was out for the count.

A Crescent Moon a Day Keeps...

Swirls of cloud howled around her.

Rainbow Dash hugged herself, adrift in the tempest. With panting breaths, she looked every which way for an exit. All of her limbs refused to work... even her wings.

"Hello?!" Rainbow Dash wheezed. "Can anypony hear me?!"

Her voice stopped as soon as it made contact with the whipping gale.

"I... I-I can't get out!" She clenched her teeth, twirling. "I... I had my opportunity, but I wasted it!"

Something rolled in the distance... something softer than thunder, but penetrating the miasma just as thickly.

"Hello?!" Rainbow stammered.

"You had yer chance..."

"Who's there?! Can you help me out of this mess?!"

"You had yer chance, sugarcube..."

A tear trickled down Rainbow's muzzle. "Applejack?"

Laughter... growing faint.

"Applejack, wait! Come back!"

The clouds grew thicker, darker.

Rainbow Dash gnashed her teeth. "I did it for you! I let it happen for you!" She clenched her eyes shut. "I just... w-want you to be happy!"

"Rainbow Dash... you must wake up..."

One after another, Rainbow's eyes fluttered open.

She stared up at the ceiling of her bedroom...

...and a pair of cold, glinting eyeslits stared down.

"You should take your medicine, Rainbow Dash."

"Gaaaieee!" Rainbow Dash jumped out of bed—only to collapse against the wall behind her, limp and numb.

Noir scarcely flinched. He stared calmly down at her while holding an open jar of potion in his hoof.

"How... you... it..." Rainbow wheezed, trembling as a blue puddle on the floor. "How'd you get in here?!"

"I flew," he droned.

"Dude..." Rainbow frowned. "Not cool! I mean... you should have knocked or—"

"I did. Repeatedly. And there was no answer." The sarosian took several cold steps forward. "And this was well after thirty-six hours had passed."

"Thirty... six hours...?"

"Since you were last spotted by another Ponyvillean. As soon as Ms. Zecora heard about your involvement in the Cloudsdalian cyclone, she knew that you would be in desperate need of a new dosage." He then fidgeted for the first time since Rainbow had ever seen him. "Ms. Zecora... insisted that I pay you this visit."

Rainbow blinked. "She did?"

"She does not possess wings. I do." Noir then squatted beside Rainbow with the open jar. "Please. Drink."

Rainbow gulped, her shivers subsiding. "Yeah... uhhh... okay. Sure." She leaned forward and planted her lips to the edge of the jar.

Noir tipped it slightly.

A wholesome brew slipped down Rainbow's throat. She shuddered slightly, but soon felt strength returning to her limbs. Within a minute, she was grasping the jar with her own fetlocks and downing the rest of the contents.

In the meantime, Noir droned, "What you did the other day was decidedly suicidal."

"Jee, you're welcome," Rainbow Dash muttered. She sat against the wall of her bedroom, cradling the jar. "Still, I bet I'm not the one soaking in all the victory."

"If you refer to the stallion who disrupted the tornado at the end, he hasn't been seen in downtown Ponyville in almost as long as you've been absent," Noir said.

"Oh really?" Rainbow sighed. "Why's that no a surprise?"

"It's almost comical," Noir remarked. "The Mayor has prepared a medal but—in the absence of two very important pegasi—there's literally nopony to give it to."

"Heh..."

"Ms. Zecora believes that you deserve it. She wanted me to convey that upon seeing you."

"Y'know, buddy..." Rainbow looked up with a smirk. "At this point, isn't it a tad bit redundant to keep calling her 'Ms. Zecora?'"

Noir merely blinked. "I do not know what you mean."

"Heh... of course you don't." Rainbow sighed. "And yet again, the world proves that every stallion I ever meet is an idiot." She took another sip. "But they're sweet... helpful idiots." She nodded her head. "Thanks a ton for the pick-me-up, bro. You're a life-saver."

"Hrmmf... that remains to be seen." Noir leaned back. "Any sign of your elusive dragonequs friend?"

Rainbow sighed, her ears drooping. "Nope. 'Fraid not."

"Understood." He looked around. "Your house is cool and dark. I quite admire it."

"Heh... at least someone does."

"But I am sarosian. I have an excuse." He gazed down at her again with scrutinizing eyeslits. "You?" He slowly shook his head. "You do not deserve such shadows and darkness."

"It's helped me out more times than I can say."

"Is that a joke?"

"Do you want it to be?"

"A bit of advice... from a pony who's spent the better part of these last few months with a witch doctor." He pointed out the window. "Go outside... receive some sunshine... like a healthy pegasus..."

Don't Ruffle the Messenger

The air above us rustled with swift, even strokes... like a gyrocopter made of awesome was surging overhead.

My ears tickled with it, and a grin flew across my face.

"It's Rainbow Dash!" I gasped. Abandoning a half-eaten sundae, I hopped away from the table outside Sugarcube Corner altogether and ran across the street. "Hey, Rainbow Dash!"

"Scootaloo?!" Sweetie Belle called from behind me. "How do you even know—?!"

"Rainbow!" I shouted. "How are ya?!"

The air shifted, like miniature thunder. Sure enough, a blue streak rocketed down from the heavens. Her landing was so swift and sudden that it threw me onto my flank.

Fwoooosh! The air caught up with her. She smirked as her mane and tail billowed.

"Hey, squirt. What's up? Or in your case, what's down?"

"Whoahhhhh..." I slowly stood back up. "Nice landing!"

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow brushed one hoof against the other shoulder. "I guess you could say I got some fresh juice in me."

"Everypony in town is talking about what happened with the tornadoes!"

"Yeah." She exhaled. "So I heard."

"You're not thrilled about it?" I blinked. "I thought you'd be proud for your weather team?"

"Hey, we did what we needed to do. And... pffft... of course I'm proud." She reached forward and rubbed my head. "Ponyville got spared. That means you're still around to do flight lessons with."

"Hehehehe..." I smiled, cheeks red. "You want something else to be proud about?"

"Yeesh, don't complicate things, kid."

My eyes twinkled. "Apple Bloom was really... really happy yesterday and today."

"No kidding?" Rainbow Dash stifled a yawn. "What, did she successfully hog-tie a pig or something?"

I simply stared at her.

"What is it, Scoots?" Rainbow Dash blinked. Then, her ears folded back as her tail went limp. "What... wh-what's happened?"

I smiled. "I don't know... but I bet I know somepony who can find out."

Rainbow Dash's eyes twitched.

I cleared my throat and leaned in. "Apple Bloom says she's the happiest she's ever seen her," I whispered. "She's over at Sweet Apple Acres right now. You can catch her if you—

FWOOOOOSH!

I spin around, watching as the blue streak surges west. "...fly quick."

A Game of Strength and Faith

It was an early foggy morning, and Applejack was even foggier.

She stumbled out of her farmhouse on heavy hooves, staring at the ground as she approached the barn. The mare was too tired to trot straight... yet too depressed to release it all with a yawn.

As she came closer to the structure, she heard loud claps echoing from the orchard.

"Mrmmff...?" She tilted her head up. Tear-stained freckles scrunched as she squinted into the mists.

Big Macintosh stood, facing out into the apple trees.

"Huh...?" Applejack picked up the pace, shuffling towards him. "Uhhh... Big Mac?" She just then noticed row upon row of baskets filled with apples. The mare's muzzle fell agape, and she spun to look at the barn. She noticed that the door had been left slightly ajar, and a pair of wagon wheels led out into the orchards. "Big Mac, have... have you been buckin' the apples overnight?"

"Grmffff..." The stallion's reply was a surly growl. "Eeeenope." He stood up, nostrils flaring, and marched off into the fog with an impenetrable glare.

"But..." Applejack blinked again. "Then who...?"

Once more, there was an echoing clap. Applejack spun to face the orchards. She made out the outline of a wagon, and beside it a figure... shuddering... limping... but proceeding to approach each tree one by one, bucking them hard and with diligent motions.

Muzzle agape, Applejack slowly approached the scene. She passed by bucket after bucket—filled to the brim with freshly harvested apples. At last, she stood within earshot of a panting, wheezing breath.

"... ... ...Stu?"

"Mrmmmmf!" Stu threw himself at another trunk. Clap! Apples fell neatly into a pair of buckets beneath the branches. Sweating and out of breath, the stallion leaned against the tree. He bore a haggard expression as he swiveled about. At last, his eyes met Applejack's, and he jolted in place. "AJ..."

"Stu..." Applejack was too confused to grimace or frown, so she chose a breathy wince in between. "Just... j-just what in tarnation have you been doing?!"

"I... I-I wanted..." He wheezed, fumbling for a voice. "I wanted to give... give you a break..."

"And so ya cleared out half the dang orchards on your own?"

"Look, I... I know it doesn't make up for what I've done..." He gritted his teeth, shivering. "I know it doesn't make up for anything. But... but I wanted you to have some time off. You deserve some time off. And... and I also wanted an opportunity to give... to f-finally give you this..."

Applejack merely blinked.

Stu jerked into movement. He hobbled behind the wagon, grunted, then came back dragging a tall object covered with a tarp. He slid it before Applejack, paused to wheeze once again, then yanked the tarp clean off.

Applejack's green eyes reflected a shiny crystalline ornament of an orange tree.

"Is..." Applejack blinked. "...is that supposed to be an orange tree?"

"Yeah... I know. I-I get it." Stu gulped. "To you, it's probably junk. Heh... to anypony, it's probably junk. But... b-but I got it for you with several months' worth of savings because... because I thought it might somehow impress you or... or win your heart or... or I dunno. It... it j-just seemed like the romantic thing to do."

Applejack squinted. Hard. "An orange tree."

"Because... b-because your mother was all about oranges. Her side of the family... one half of you. And... and..." Stu pointed. "You've gone on and on about how your Pa wanted to make half the orchards dedicated to orange harvesting at one time. But he never got to it. And... and I wanted to make it real for you... more than just a comfortable thought. But then... then..."

Stu sniffled. He sat on his haunches, gazing at the crystalline branches of the gift.

"...then you showed me their graves, Applejack. And... and it became real for me. And... I wasn't strong like you. I couldn't handle how real it all was..." He looked up with pained eyes. "How real we were. It suddenly dawned on me that... that the road that you and I have been taking... and how much we've been enjoying each other's company... I might... I might someday be buried here too. And... and I didn't feel that I deserved it, Applejack. This place is so amazing... you are so amazing. But... but to pollute all of that with a moron like me?"

Applejack stared at him silently.

Stu gulped hard and looked at the orchards abroad. "I only came to Ponyville because I felt like I had to. If I was any other stallion... any other pony, I would have stayed in Cloudsdale. But... but I didn't fit in there. I was so... so pathetic... so wishy washy. Everypony talked down on me. And the cruddy thing is... I-I began believing them. I didn't think I could make it there in Cloudsdale. So I came down here and... tried to start over. And for a while there... I-I began believing that I had what it took to not be... such a lame fool. Spending so much time with you... receiving your attention. I started to feel confident. But..."

He clenched his eyes shut.

"...to possibly... maybe be part of your family here? On this farm? Where you, your family, your parents and your forebearers and so many other ponies far more awesome than me have made a name for themselves?" He gulped hard. "I... I just didn't feel worthy. Cloudsdale caught up with me, and I didn't want you to be... poisoned by the same thing that drew me out. And... And I punished you for it, Applejack. I punished you for it and I fled like a coward because none of it seemed possible. None of it."

He looked up, his eyes teary. A fire flickered across his pupils.

"But then... just yesterday... I did something impossible." He gulped. "I saved all of Ponyville from a tornado." His head shook. "I didn't do it on my own... but in the end, it was all up to me. And I made the impossible happen. And... and I didn't have any time to feel proud about it. All I could think of is how I failed you when I could have had the strength... I should have had the strength to carry on. And... I'm sorry, Applejack. I'm so very sorry..."

He pointed at the tree.

"You can have this if you like. You can enjoy this whole early harvest of apples if you like. None of it can make up for what I've done to you, and I know that. But... but I also know now that I'm strong..." He clenched his teeth. "I'm strong, Applejack... but I ought to be stronger. And... and there's only one pony in this world who can help me get there." His sad eyes darted to her. "And that's you, Applejack. If you're willing to let me back in, I promise I will never hurt you ever again." He swallowed a lump down his throat. "I'm... not scared anymore..."

Find Your Place

Rainbow Dash gulped.

"So... uh..."

She bore a crooked smile.

"So you're back together?"

Applejack gazed off down the orchards.

Rainbow blinked. "No?"

Applejack smiled. She looked at Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash looked back.

"I told him..." Applejack took a deep breath. "...that I would give it some thought." The corners of her mouth curved and curved. She winked at Rainbow. "But yeah..." She mouthed, "We're back together."

Rainbow Dash blinked.

"He sure did throw me for a loop, did he?" Applejack shuffled around the barn, breathing. "Most self-respectin' mares would toss him flat on his flank and tell him to get lost after what he did."

"But... you're a self-respecting mare, AJ."

"Reckon so. But I also know when a pony's bein' honest with me. And Stu?" She sighed. "I've never seen him so honest before. So vulnerable. He ain't pullin' a fast one. Ain't like him. But... it's more than that. He's shown me a place where he needs help. And... I suppose I need to help him more than he needs to be helped... because there's a part of me that's missin' when he's gone."

"Oh yeah?"

"Mmmmhmmm..." Applejack nodded calmly. "Past all the tears and the anger and the fussy apple buckin'... I plum missed the dag-blame'd fool." She chuckled, glancing over at Rainbow. "But I wasn't about to give him all that on a silver platter."

"So... uh..." Rainbow cleared her throat. "What did he do after you said you'd 'give it some thought?'"

"Heh... dang varmint smiled, then keeled over and passed out."

"Snkkkt!"

"Slept the whole darn day on our couch. Ya shoulda seen Big Mac. He wanted to elbow drop him at every blink. Granny and I had to take shifts playin' bodyguard to the slumberin' fool."

"That... sounds awesome and yet it doesn't."

"Shoot..." Applejack shrugged. "Big Mac will get over it. That's just the thang. Life is short and dang complicated. If we dun get over our hang ups... all we'll ever do is hang ourselves and nothin' will ever get done... and nopony will be any the wiser." She exhaled. "Stu Leaves may be wishy-washy... but that's okay. He's... a part of me now." She gulped. "And... I-I just can't... let him go without givin' him a second chance. Especially now that everythang's all clear-like."

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow bore a nervous smile. "Good thing the moron came around, huh?"

"He didn't do it on his own."

"Huh?"

"Before he passed out... he managed to tell me the whole story about what happened the other day with them nasty twisters." Applejack turned to face Rainbow Dash. "He told me that you coached him on... practically threw him into the eye of the storm."

"Well, he was second tier on my team, AJ," Rainbow Dash said. "We were in the right place at the right time to stop that mess. If we couldn't do it... who would?"

"Yer many thangs, Rainbow Dash," Applejack said. "The least of which is modest."

"Huh?" Rainbow blinked.

"In the end, when all was down to the wire, it was only you and Stu inside that tornado. Now..." Applejack leaned her head to the side. "...are you gonna tell me that this here town's biggest and most boastful flier willingly let a silly stallion from Cloudsdale soak up the spotlight in her place?"

"What... are you getting at, AJ?"

"Heheh... all day and every day, I'm surrounded by varmints." Applejack bore a teary smile as she crossed the distance between them, then scooped Rainbow Dash into a tender hug. "What I'm gettin' at, sugarcube, is that you broke the mold around Stu's heart. It's all thanks to you that he found his courage... and... and I'm plum grateful." She sniffed, holding Rainbow Dash close. "You swept in and saved us... the two of us. Could... c-could there ever be a better friend than that?"

Rainbow Dash fought the mother of all lumps in her throat. "You... you know me, Applejack." She closed her eyes and cuddled the mare back, shuddering in the warm embrace. "I'm never gonna leave ya hanging. N-not for anything..."

Applejack sniffled. A tear or two trickled out onto her freckles. "It's... it's like I finally know where I am in life, Rainbow."

Rainbow bit her lip. "That's a darn good place to be. I'm... uh... I'm happy for you, AJ."

"Mmmmmm... reckon you are." At last, Applejack parted the hug. She shuddered and rubbed her cheek dry. "Whew... heavens to betsy, what a week."

"Well, thanks to Stu, at least you've got a day or two to relax, huh?" Rainbow smiled nervously.

"Pffft. Hogwash! I'm only ever relaxin' when I'm fussin' over somethin'!" Applejack winked. "Why don't you hang out for a while. I'll go fetch ya some grub."

"Heh..." Rainbow waved a hoof. "I'm okay, AJ. Believe me—"

"How 'bout some fresh cider for the tornado chaser?"

Rainbow's eyes bugged. "Orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr that."

"Heheheheh..." Applejack led Rainbow Dash back to the farmhouse.

Amen

"And that's when—out of nowhere—fwoooosh! The tornado just disappeared on its own!" Thunderlane exclaimed. He looked at the other ponies gathered before Sugarcube Corner. "At first, we thought that Rainbow Dash had done it. Cuz... y'know. But then, once we caught up to the swath of debris, we found that it was this dude right here who'd done it!" He reached over and patted Stu's shoulder.

Stu chuckled, brushing his forelimb away. "Really... I was just lucky that it worked out the way it did." He heard a voice clearing to his side. He looked over.

Applejack leaned against the front of Sugarcube Corner. She chewed on a haystalk while smirking at the stallion.

"Okay... okay..." Stu exhaled. "So... yeah, it was tough, but I did it. I threw in all my wing muscle too. Like... you should have heard me screaming as I pulled the winds back with just my feathers alone. It's like in all of those crazy action comics with big beefy superheroes having a super awesome moment. Almost wish I had a microphone on me."

"Think you can reenact the shout now?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"Er... n-no... eheh..." Stu brushed one hoof with another. "Not really."

"Come onnnn!" Candy Mane insisted, smiling from where she stood next to Thunderlane. "Try it!"

"Surely you remember, dude," Sharp Quill said.

"Heheh... what's it matter? Look, it's not the flare of taking down a tornado that counts! It's the method! Just as Rainbow Dash taught me." Stu gulped. "Though... uh... I'm a bit surprised nopony heard me screaming. I about broke my lungs with all that strain."

"Heheheh..." Applejack leaned in, nuzzling him as she winked at the others. "Reckon I can imagine it."

"There ya go!" Stu pointed. "Good enough!"

"Bet it sounded like how badly he was wailin' that one time a bucket full of corn fell on his tail."

"Snkkkt!" Stu winced at her. "Applejack! I didn't wail!"

"You sure did!" Applejack chuckled. "Like a big ol' baby!"

"I may have yelped or grunted, but I didn't wail!"

"You sayin' I'm makin' a fib?" Applejack squinted.

Stu winced, his ears folding. "No, ma'am."

Pinkie Pie and Sharp Quill laughed.

Candy Mane squinted. "A bucket of corn?"

"Look... it was very... very HEAVY corn, alright?" Stu said, making everyone laugh again.

"Hahahah!" Applejack guffawed, then hugged him from the side. "It sure was! I was there!" She smiled. "Best ears we have to pluck at Sweet Apple Acres! Couldn't have had a better bounty fall on his poor behind!"

"Guess that's one way to make your coltfriend pass the test!" Pinkie Pie said.

"Yeah, well..." Applejack smiled at him. "Every now and then, there's room for a do-over."

He smiled back at her.

"So... the Mayor's getting you a medal, right?" Thunderlane said. "She'd better."

"Only if she gives it to the rest of the weather team as well," Stu said. "After all, if it wasn't for them..."

As the conversation continued...

...a blue set of ears twitched.

Rainbow Dash watched from a cloud high above Sugarcube Corner. Her ruby eyes rested on Applejack... on her happy smile... on the freckles that glistened in the sunlight every time she laughed.

With a calm breath, the mare pivoted from the conversation, tore the scene from her sight, and flew off in a steady glide.

Rainbow Down

A blue hoof knocked on the cottage door.

Seconds passed.

With a creak, Fluttershy opened it. She took one look outside, and her eyes widened. "Rainbow Dash!"

Fidgeting, the petite pegasus stood on the front step to Fluttershy's home.

"I was looking for you all day yesterday! Please..." With a gulp, Fluttershy gestured inside. "Won't you come in?"

Rainbow's head hung low as she trotted forward, entering the foyer in silence.

Fluttershy closed the door behind her and turned around. "I... I heard about what happened with the tornado meet the other day. That had to have been so frightening!" She blinked. "And... a-and Big Mac told me all about Applejack and Stu Leaves." She gulped. "Rainbow Dash... Rainbow, I... I know this all must be very tough for you..."

Rainbow Dash paced about. At last, she came to a stop, trembling.

Fluttershy stared at her. "Rainbow...?" She bit her lip, leaning forward. "Rainbow Dash, is... is everything okay?"

Rainbow's muzzle trembled. Slowly, her moist eyes raised to meet Fluttershy's gaze. "What's wrong with me, Fluttershy?" She sniffled. "Why... can't I j-just like stallions or something?" Her voice cracked as tears rolled down her face. "Why can't I just be n-normal?"

"Oh Rainbow..." Fluttershy crossed the distance between them. "Don't say that." She swept Rainbow up in a deep hug. "Don't you ever say that!"

Rainbow clenched her eyes shut. She dug her muzzle into Fluttershy's soft neck as quiet sobs ripped through her lungs.

Fluttershy nuzzled her best friend closely, enveloping her with warm wingfeathers. "One of these days, Rainbow..." She stroked Rainbow's back and murmured past her ear. "One of these days you're going to meet a gorgeous mare." She smiled tearfully, holding Rainbow close. "And she is going to love and adore you in every way that you deserve. You'll meet the mare of your dreams and you will both spend the rest of your years together and all of this will seem like nothing, you hear me?"

"B-but I don't want any stupid m-mare..." Rainbow Dash wept. Her shuddering breaths made tender squeaks between each pained word. "I want Applejack!" She clenched her teeth, shivering in Fluttershy's grasp. "I love her, Fluttershy. I love her so much..."

"I know you do, Rainbow Dash. Goddess, I know..." She patted Rainbow's shoulder. Then, clenching her jaw, she spoke firmly: "And you and she will always be best friends. You've done so much for her, whether she knows about it all or not, and she's rewarded you with her trust and loyalty. But if you're hoping for anything else from her, then you'll have to move on." Fluttershy fought a sob of her own as she squeezed Rainbow tight. "I'm your friend Rainbow and I love and care for you and that's why I must tell you that you have to move on. Applejack is not worth you punishing yourself every day of your life. Nopony would want that for you. I don't want that for you. Applejack wouldn't want that for you. Please, Rainbow Dash. My heart and soul aches from seeing you suffer so..."

"Mmmmm..." Rainbow Dash whimpered, shaking her head. "First you... then Listing... Gilda..." She gnashed her teeth. "Now AJ?! What's wrong with me?! Everypony I love is either impossible or a cruel train wreck. Why d-do I do this to myself?! I'm a loser... I'm such a friggin' loser..."

"No, Rainbow." Fluttershy nuzzled her close. "You're a mare who can't settle for the best unless it's something or someone you can win. And the best is waiting for you out there... somewhere." She caressed Rainbow's tear-stained chin. "You're a winner, Rainbow Dash. You just haven't found the prize yet."

Rainbow hung her head. She wiped her muzzle as more tears trickled loose.

Fluttershy leaned in. "And it's high time that the game changed. Don't you agree?"

Rainbow hiccuped on a sob. She hugged herself and stared forlornly into the floor. "I just... I-I just don't know what to do. She sustains me, Fluttershy. Just the thought of her... just her voice... the sight of her freckles..." She clenched her eyes shut. "Nopony's ever made me feel this good just by existing. Nopony since... s-since..." Her teeth clattered as she squeaked, "...since Dad."

Fluttershy exhaled softly. "Oh Rainbow..."

Rainbow's limbs went limp. She fell forward and Fluttershy caught her yet again. The two draped against the floor with Fluttershy holding her weeping friend. She stroked Rainbow's mane and ears, smiling tenderly.

"Applejack's happy now because of you... ten times over. Relish in that." She leaned forward and kissed Rainbow on the forehead. "Relish that and move on."

"I wish I knew h-how, Flutters..." Rainbow's trembles gradually slowed as she rested against her friend's limbs. "I don't know... I just d-don't know..."

"Shhhhh..." Fluttershy stared out the window, blinking her own eyes dry. "You'll find a way. I promise. You will."

Preciprecious

"The worst part is that, when I look at it... like really look at it... I can't bring myself to hate Stu Leaves for who he is," Rainbow Dash said. Her trembles had long stopped. Her tears had long dried. She reclined on Fluttershy's reading seat, gazing at the setting sun beyond the cottage window. "Even when he screwed up big time and tried to dump Applejack, I can... kinda understand why he did it." She gulped. "He didn't believe in himself. He was scared. We've all been there." She sighed, staring down at her forelimbs. "Even the... most awesome of us."

Fluttershy nodded, listening calmly from where she sat on the floor beside the couch. "And thanks to you, he was able to cross that frightening divide. It's... like you purged the last layer of cowardice from him."

"Yeah..." Rainbow Dash nodded. "I know that he loves Applejack. Like... really really loves Applejack. It means a lot to him... Goddess knows it means a lot t-to me." She gulped. "I could see myself doing something stupid if there was a chance in me bucking all of that up... for life."

Fluttershy shrugged with a tiny smile. "Who says that they'll be together for life?"

"I don't think AJ's the kind of mare to... half-ass a relationship, Flutters."

The other pegasus nodded, sighing. "Good point."

Rainbow stared at the window. Her ears drooped. "Stu won't... won't ever try and hurt Applejack again. I... really believe that. I really, really do."

"Is there a reason why you shouldn't?"

"No... but I can already feel myself wanting to find a reason." Rainbow clenched her jaws tight. "But to what extent?" She closed her eyes. "It's... it's just so... so hard to let go." She cleared her throat. "I'm not sure how to even begin," she muttered in a dry breath.

Fluttershy blinked. Her eyes swept the floor. At last, she looked up at her friend again. "You should go somewhere, Rainbow Dash."

Rainbow said nothing.

"Take a vacation. Volunteer for a long-distance delivery. Have an adventure." Fluttershy smiled tenderly. "You're good at those."

"Yeah, but..." Rainbow's eyes reopened weakly. "...I've had adventures, Fluttershy. I've had butt-loads of them." She gulped. "They never help me forget Applejack. Not one bit. No matter how friggin' crazy they've gotten."

Fluttershy said, "Don't think of it as forgetting Applejack."

Rainbow looked at her.

"Think of it as finding yourself," Fluttershy said. "Go someplace where you won't be 'Rainbow Dash the pegasus who pines for Applejack.' Go somewhere and be 'Rainbow Dash the pegasus who knows how to be awesome.'"

"I've been obsessed for so long that I'm starting to wonder if I've forgotten."

"Then what you need is some alone time to think," Fluttershy said. "Perhaps so you can remember."

Rainbow Dash gazed out the window once more. The sky's pale hues matched her jaded eyes. "But where would I even go, Fluttershy?" She sighed. "What would I even do?"

Silence.

"What... would I have to do...?"

==Part Twenty-Two: Stays in Las Pegasus==

==Part Twenty-Two: Stays in Las Pegasus==

The front door to the bar opened, exposing the tables and counters to bright white daylight.

The bartender paused in sweeping the floor. He looked up, blinking. "Oh... Miss Dash! How are you doing today?"

The mare exhaled. She trotted forward across the establishment. "I'm alive."

"Always a good thing, right?"

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash sat on a stool.

The bartender blinked. With a jolt, he leaned his broom aside and trotted briskly behind the bar. "You're... uhm... here early!"

"You open or aren't you?"

"Definitely," the stallion nodded, putting away a few spare glasses and bottles. "Three o'clock in the afternoon and onwards. Usually doesn't get crowded until two hours from now." He smiled. "That's when we get the first wave of after-work crowd. Y'know... drinking buddies, sports fans." A chuckle. "Husbands delaying the ritualistic evening nag-session."

"Uh huh." Rainbow nodded, deadpan. "You serving yet?"

"Sure am." He stood across from her. "What'll it be?"

"Cider." Rainbow dropped a few bits. "Hard cider. Tall glass."

"Heh." He swept the bits toward him and moved towards the wall of drinks. "Consider it done."

"Uh huh..."

While pouring, the stallion spoke over his shoulder. "Got the day off, Miss Dash?"

"Mrmmm..." Rainbow leaned her chin on her forelimbs. "Sure. Why not."

The stallion blinked. "You... gonna wait for your usual marefriends? Usually Miss Scratch is the first to show up. She picks a booth and just... sits and composes music. Usually arrives around sundown or so."

"I'm not here for friends," Rainbow grumbled. "Just pour the cider, please. Thanks."

The stallion nodded. "Absolutely." He finished, then slid the glass to her. "Bottom's up!"

She took the container, stared down its frothy contents, and sighed. "Mmmmmm... goddess dang it." Nevertheless, with a firm expression, she took an angry sip. Closing her eyes, she sat still and... just let the cider sink in.

Part Twenty-Two: Stays in Las Pegasus
(Where Rainbow Goes On Vacation, Whether She Likes It Or Not {But Mostly Not})

Hard Work Is (N)ever Done

"Uhhhh... Rainbow?"

"Grnngh!" Rainbow kicked a cloud clear. Panting, she turned about and squinted past a fresh layer of sweat. "Yeah, what?"

Thunderlane and Candy Mane hovered a few spaces away from her. "Just... curious."

"Yeah?" Rainbow swiped her brow. "What about?"

"I mean... it's nice to have your help with clearing the clouds and all, but..." Candy Mane fidgeted.

Thunderlane cleared his throat and sported a brave smile. "It's Tuesday!"

"So?"

Thunderlane blinked. "...don't you ever check your mail?"

With a grunt, Rainbow kicked another cloud. "Sometimes."

"Cuz... uhm... I-I'm pretty sure Miss Hooves did the rounds this week and... uhm..." Thunderlane brushed at his mohawk, squirming. "...weren't you given an invite to today's award ceremony?"

"We all know how much you love earning medals!" Candy Mane bore a crooked smile. "Didn't the City Council give you today off so you could—"

"I've got work to do." Rainbow flew towards another cloud.

Thunderlane and Candy Mane exchanged blinking expressions. "Well... s-sure!" The stallion turned to gawk at her. "Don't you want to go and earn your—?"

"Do you wanna get paid?!" Rainbow snapped. "This sky isn't gonna clear itself!"

Candy Mane shuddered, then swiftly flitted towards the far end of the air above Ponyville. Thunderlane hovered in place, his eyes narrow. "Don't you think you're being a tad bit rude?"

"You want to earn a stinkin' medal, then go and take it." Rainbow clenched her jaw and kicked another cloud to dust. "Some of us have important things to do."

Thunderlane shook his head with a sigh. With powerful wingflaps, he soared off.

Rainbow continued her work. She glanced over her shoulder once, but saw nothing but gray clouds. With a breathy groan, she returned to what she was doing.

A stallion in a work apron marched across the warehouse, drawing a wagon filled with fresh citrus.

Rainbow Dash's head turned as she stared at the cart and its contents. Her nostrils flared with a deep sigh.

"Rainbow Dash..."

She stood in place, gazing off.

"Rainbow."

She turned around with a blinking expression. "Hmmm?"

Stamps stared up from his desk. "You didn't answer my question."

"Well maybe you weren't talking loudly enough."

"... ... ..." Stamps glared. "You do realize that most managers would have just given you the boot weeks ago."

"Are you getting to a point?"

"You missed two shifts in a row," Stamps said. "Without givine me any warning, either!"

"Yeah, so?" Rainbow shrugged. "I was busy with stuff."

"Like what? That was long after the tornado—"

Rainbow groaned. "Why does everypony want to talk about the friggin' tornado?!"

"It's company policy to give your supervisor some notice if you foresee yourself missing any work—"

"Yeah, well, I'm here now." Rainbow Dash spoke. A few heads turned, but she remained staring at Stamps. "So give me some work."

Stamps hung his head with a sigh. "I've... put myself out on a limb for you over and over again—"

"And do you know anypony faster or more dedicated than me? No." Rainbow pointed at his inbox. "I can tell you've got a stupidly heavy load, so give me some of the weight so you can work in peace."

Stamps clenched his eyes shut. At last, after a deep, seething breath, he hoofed her a clipboard. "Here."

"Sweet." Rainbow briefly flipped through the work orders and nodded. "Consider it done and done."

Stamps pointed. "But we're not through talking about your absences—"

Swooosh! Rainbow flew off in a blur.

"...dang it to Tartarus..."

Nopony's Got Time For That

The door to Carousel Boutique opened.

Rarity looked out, and her eyes immediately brightened. "Rainbow Dash!"

"Hey." Rainbow Dash lightly shoved a parcel through the open door and lifted a clipboard. "Would you mind signing here?"

"Where have you been, darling?" Rarity stammered. "Today was... erm..." She fidgeted. "There was an awards ceremony, Rainbow. Did... did you not get the invite?"

"I've got a bunch of packages left to deliver." Rainbow waved the clipboard. "Rarity, would you mind?"

"Oh... uhm..." Rarity's eyes fluttered. "But of course." She levitated the sheet and drew her name on the bottom of it. "I must say. I'm awfully worried, darling. What's so important that you couldn't attend the Mayor's ceremony?"

"I've got a lot of work to do, is all."

"Yes, but even that—"

"Need to keep to my promises. Sure you understand."

"I... suppose so..." Rarity bore a crooked smile. She levitated the clipboard back. "Well, in any case, Rainbow, goddess-speed."

"Mmmhmmm." Rainbow turned tail and trotted back to her chariot. She tossed her clipboard in.

Cl-Clank! The clipboard landed hard. The chariot was completely empty at that point.

Nostrils flaring, Rainbow attached herself to the wagon, flapped her wings, and took off.

Half an hour later, relieved of her work apron and wagon, Rainbow Dash sat on the rooftop of the Banner Guild warehouse.

She sighed, hugging herself and staring lethargically across the lengths of Ponyville.

Off in the distance, Sugarcube Corner lingered bright and beaming in the sunlight.

Rainbow blinked.

A few bright figures with familiar coat colors lingered around the front entrance. They faced one another, and the air shook with the familiar sound of laughter, distant and dwindling.

Rainbow clenched her jaws shut. She closed her eyes, exhaled, and flapped her wings.

Picking herself up, Rainbow hovered in the air above Banner Guild. She turned around, sweeping Ponyville with her eyes. At last, her eyes fell upon a familiar sight. With a dull expression, she drifted northeast, heading towards the front windows of a bar just as its lights were flickering on.

Barflops

Right now...

The bar door opened with a creak.

The stallion behind the table looked up. "Good afternoon, Miss Scratch."

The mare nodded back with a glint of her shades. "Hiya, Joe."

"Heh... you know my name's not Joe, right?"

"Whatever, Joe. How about a tall glass of lemonade to start off?"

"Sure thing." The stallion fetched a glass and a bottle. "Gonna wait on the hard stuff until later, huh?"

"I don't drink unless I'm in the company of my friends, Joe." Vinyl suppressed a yawn as she dragged a saddlebag full of music sheets over to her table. "First and last rule of being a modern electronic barfly."

"Well, maybe you should tell that to them, next time, huh?" Joe gestured with a smirk.

Vinyl stopped in her tracks. She blinked.

Rainbow Dash already sat at the table. She cradled a glass of cider in her hooves. Two empty containers rested on the table's edge. The mare stared out the window, her eyes glazed to the last vestiges of daylight.

The bartender cleared his throat. Vinyl looked towards the counter. The stallion mouthed: "For the last two hours." He then trotted off to finish preparing the musician's drink.

"Ahem..." Vinyl trotted over and gingerly sat in her usual spot within the booth. "Soooooo..."

"Rnnngh..." Rainbow's throat produced a deep bass breath. "No, I wasn't at the awards ceremony. So don't ask why."

"What awards ceremony."

"Heh..." Rainbow smirked bitterly as she took a sip. "Nice try."

"No. Seriously." Vinyl arched an eyebrow above her shades as she laid her music sheets out. "I have no friggin' clue what happens during the day. I just woke up two hours ago. I have a long night of ochestrating ahead of me."

"What are you, a vampire?" Rainbow slurred.

"Very cute." Vinyl exhaled. "At least your humor is dry."

"Meh..." Rainbow scooted slightly away from the empty glasses. "This isn't as stupid as it looks."

"No, I suppose the cider shots strolled in here and drank themselves."

"Lyra gets herself sloshed all the time. You never give her grief about it."

"She's also a smug bastard who could stab my eyes out with one headbutt." Vinyl shuffled through her sheets. "Come on. Are you going to let it out or is Bon Bon going to have to force you to talk when she gets here?"

"Bon Bon doesn't intimidate me."

"She's annoying as Hell when she whines."

"True." Rainbow sighed. "Too true."

"So...?"

Rainbow grumbled, leaning back in her booth. "Same old same old."

"Applelicious blues?"

"Rrrgh..." Rainbow groaned, clutching her head. "I don't wanna friggin' talk about it."

"Sure you don't."

Rainbow glared at her. "Okay. Correction. You don't want to friggin' hear about it."

Vinyl muttered out the side of her muzzle, "Implying that I can't do two things at once."

"I'm serious, girl."

"So am I." Vinyl looked up. "And if I was sick of your so-called 'troubles,' I would have skipped out and chosen a new drinking hole ages ago."

Rainbow blinked.

"Come on." Vinyl waved a hoof while scribbling with a floating pen. "Lay it on me. I'm working on this gothic electronica bullcrap for a plebeian session in Las Pegasus."

"If you hate the material so much..." Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "...why do it?"

"Cuz sometimes we learn the most about ourselves when we're at our worse."

"... ... ..."

"Plus, it covers the bar tab." Vinyl looked up as the bartender drifted by, dropping off a tall cold glass of lemonade. She took a sip and looked at Rainbow. "So... how about it? Let the manure flow from your muzzle already."

Rainbow slumped back in her booth with a prolonged sigh. "... ... ...have you ever wanted to die so bad... but you're not sure you have the energy to last that long to see it through?"

"Hmmm... what day is it?"

"Erm... Tuesday?"

"Damn." Vinyl grunted. "I was going to say 'last Tuesday.'" She looked up. "Okay, how about 'next Tuesday'?"

"Heh..."

Cruised Into a Bar on the Shore

Caramel entered the bar just as the sun was setting. Twangy guitar music wafted out of the juke box as he sauntered past the electric light.

"How ya doin', Caramel?" asked the bartender.

Caramel smiled, brushing his silken mane back. "Just wonderfully, Sam."

"You know, my name's not Sam either."

"Say..." Caramel fidgeted. "Is anyone... uhm...?" He pointed at the juke box.

"Heh. That thing's been untouched all day. It's all yours, girl."

"Eheheh... thanks!" Caramel dashed over to the machine. He slipped in a bit, switched records, and waited for the speakers to crackle a beloved pop tune. "Heeeee..." The tips of his ears fluttered happily. "Oh Canter Lauper... you never cease to enchant me."

"It's Tuesday. Shall I make the usual?"

"Er... n-no, actually!" Caramel smiled as he shuffled across the bar. "I have a vacation coming up! So I'm in a good mood! I'm game for something wild! Something... crazy!"

"Pineapple flavored, then?"

"I didn't say that!" Caramel pouted. After a few seconds, his tail drooped. "But... uhm... y-yes please... if you d-don't mind, that is."

"Heheh... coming right up."

"Thanks, Sam." Caramel's eyes settled upon two figures at the booth. His lips pursed curiously as his soft ears caught an ongoing conversation.

"And... I'm happy for her. I am happy for her. But..." Rainbow Dash grumbled into her third empty glass. She turned it around and around in two anxious hooves. "...it doesn't make it suck any less to let her go!"

"But you... are letting her go, right?" Vinyl Scratch murmured.

"Pffft. What do you think I'm here for?" Rainbow grumbled. "To work on my dance moves?"

"Well, Caramel did just subject us to Canter Lauper... again." Vinyl looked over, sighing through a tired smile. "Hey, girl."

"Hiya!" Caramel dropped his saddlebag and slid in next to Vinyl. "Boy, is this week great or what?!"

"Mehhhh..." Rainbow's head hung.

"Ahem..." Vinyl glanced over. "Dare to elaborate?"

"A vacation's coming up. I'm about to drink pineapple." Caramel smiled until his dimples nearly burst. "And... and I think I just got the letter."

"Hmmm?" Vinyl blinked behind her shades. "What letter?"

"You knowwwwww..." Vinyl leaned in, whispering. "The letter."

A pause. Then Vinyl reeled. "Ohhhhhhhh..." She tilted her head aside. "Really?"

"Eeheehee!" Caramel reached into his bag and pulled out a thick white envelope. "It's the same size as the last one! I-I think I'm actually making progress here!"

"Well, what are you waiting for!"

"Pffft! Seriously? Here? In this place?" Caramel rolled his eyes. "I'm afraid I'd make all the windows shatter from squealing with glee." He winked. "I'm waiting until the vacation is in full force so I can celebrate with zeal."

"You... uh... you might wanna open it now, Cara."

"What for?"

"Just..." Vinyl scratched. "You never know."

"Oh don't be such a pessimist." Caramel stuck his tongue out. "That's Lyra's job."

"No wonder she's a music professor by day."

"Heheheh..." Caramel looked across the table. "So! Rainbow! I was at the ceremony earlier today!" He raised an eyebrow. "Were you sick or—?"

"Why does everypony wanna talk about the stupid ceremony?!" Rainbow moaned.

"Er... m-my bad..." Caramel's eyes blinked across the table. "Wow... those are a lot of glasses."

"HIC! You are a lot of glasses!" Rainbow slurred, pointing off-center. "You ever think of that?"

"And so it beginsssss..." Vinyl exhaled.

"I'm sorry." Caramel blinked. "What begins?"

"The apple's finally fallen from the tree," Vinyl said aside.

"In... wh-what way?"

"A stupid way..." Rainbow groaned. "Stupid... Leavish way..." She closed her eyes tight. "It's all my fault."

Vinyl whispered. "It's gonna be one of those nights."

"Ahhh..." Caramel nodded. A gulp, and he simpered. "I... think I could do with that pineapple now..."

Meh Meh Meh Meh Meh Meh

The door creaked.

Bon Bon walked in from the night, wearing a scarf.

"Whew! It's real nippy out there!" With a pleasant hum, the mare trotted across the establishment. She looked at the bar. "Good evening, Benjamin!"

"That's a new one," the bartender droned. "Tall Midnight Express?"

"Heehee!" Bon Bon batted her eyelashes. "The classier the names, the better!"

"Usual Tuesday starter, coming up."

Bon Bon sighed happily, doing a single pirouette before approaching the booth. "Good evening, good evening, good evening, girls!" She beamed. "If it isn't the absolute best week for—" She scuffled to a stop, blinking. "...oh."

Vinyl Scratch and Caramel winced, gesturing Bon Bon to "quiet down." They resumed gazing at a limp blue pegasus with bloodshot eyes lying her head down amidst a forest of empty glasses.

"Hmmmm... right..." Bon Bon cleared her throat, undoing her scarf as she sat at the booth. "Well, good days are just... good days, after all. But let's just brush it under the rug for the time being. Ahem." She sat across from Rainbow Dash, smiling awkwardly. "So... uhm... at least you got a medal this week, r-right?"

"Uggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhh..." Rainbow groaned into the tabletop.

Bon Bon blinked. "What?"

"Zero for one, Bon Bon. Good job." Vinyl muttered as she shuffled through her music sheets. "Still, Caramel's zero for ten, so you're instantly ahead of the game."

"But..." Bon Bon blinked. "B-but I thought that Rainbow would be proud of what she did with the tornado—"

"You mean—HIC—what Gary did with the—HIC—tornado!"

Bon Bon's muzzle scrunched. "Who's Gary?"

"She means Stu," Caramel droned, turning a half-empty pineapple shot. "But, y'know... you heard one colt name you heard 'em all."

"This again?" Bon Bon pouted. "Oh, Rainbow. You've been back and forth so much. Just because you were born on a cloud doesn't mean you can't be grounded for once in your life!"

"Mrmmmfff..." Rainbow lifted her dreary head. "Easier said than—HIC—diarrhea."

"Weren't you happy a few days ago?"

"Meh. I guess."

"What's the difference between then and now?" Bon Bon shrugged. "You're still the most awesome pegasus around! You still have your friends! You still... y'know... have Applejack's trust!"

"Mrmmmmmmmmfffff..."

"We all know you have the ability to think positively about things! So... why not choose to... y'know..." Bon Bon smiled crookedly. "Choose to be happy permanently?"

"It's just that—HIC—I know that it's all an act." Rainbow stifled another moan by digging her muzzle into a glass of watering, half-melted ice. "I don't wanna be sad or happy." A sigh, fogging up the glass. "I just wanna be with Applejack."

"Oh Rainbow Dash..." Bon Bon sighed. "We all come here every other night for a reason. Sometimes... there are things in life that are just beyond reach. The key is learning to enjoy life for what we can have instead of choosing to be miserable!"

"You mean settle," Rainbow droned.

Bon Bon blinked. "Errrrm..." She shifted uncontrollably.

"I could have settled with things a longggggggtime ago," the pegasus continued. "Could have settled with telling Applejack how I felt. Could have settled with stomping Stupid Leaves' head into the ground." Her nostrils flared. "And now AJ and Stu are settling... together... without me."

"Wait." Bon Bon blinked. "You mean that you want to be included with—"

"Rrrrrgh!" Plop! Rainbow collapsed against the table again. "I don't know what I want anymorrrrrrrrrrre—hic!"

Bon Bon winced. "Oh dear... she's in it deep this time, is she?"

"Like a submarine," Caramel exhaled.

"Congratulations, Bon Bon. You're zero for eleven."

"What?!" Bon Bon did a double-take at Vinyl. "How?!"

"I keep very... very careful count," the Deejay explained. "Like the beat to a good track."

"But... b-but..."

"That puts Caramel in the lead."

"Yes!" Caramel pumped a hoof, grinning. "I'm winning!"

"Mehhhhhhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash slurred.

The bartender trotted over, placing Bon Bon's drink on the edge of the table.

"Phweeeee..." Bon Bon leaned forward, rubbing her head. "Maybe Lyra can jolt her out of her funk..."

Heartlessstrings

Lyra guzzled her drink down, lowered the glass, and belched. "Have you considered hanging yourself?"

"Lyra!" Bon Bon gasped while Caramel spat out half his pina colada.

"What?!" Lyra wiped her muzzle dry. "It's a viable option!" She pointed at Rainbow dash. "Her misery would end. Her mood swings would end. And she'd stop building the mother of all bar tabs!"

"But... it... that..." Bon Bon gnashed her teeth. "No! Ponies don't hang themselves!"

"Some of them should." Lyra pointed with a smirk. "You met a couple." Her teeth showed. "Don't lie and say you haven't."

"I don't care! And it's not even funny!" Bon Bon folded her forelimbs with a heavy pout. "Doesn't matter how dark a world we live in! Suicide is... is... mmm... not magic!"

"Pffft... whatever." Lyra rolled her eyes. "Her funeral." She licked the rim of the glass. "Or not. Eh... you get my meaning." She waved her hoof at the bar tender across the way. "Another shot of rum, Barabbas!"

"Sure thing, Miss Heartstrings. H-hey! I rather like that one!"

Vinyl muttered, "I knew a pony once who came to one of my raves and the song I was playing stopped him from drinking arsenic at the bar."

"Oh! That sounds so touching!" Caramel smiled, his eyes sparkling. "Did he ever tell you just what it was that changed his decision?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"'Cuz he jumped off a bridge last spring."

"Oh..." Caramel looked down into his drink, swiveling it. "Uhm... can we talk about Rainbow's depression again?"

"Mmmmm..." Rainbow lifted her bleary head. "I'm not depressed, you guys."

"Bull hockey," Lyra spat.

"Seriously..." Rainbow rubbed her face. "Only pathetic losers get depressed."

"You, ma'am, are depressed with a capital D," Lyra grunted. "And I don't mean the good kind of D, like Princess Caramel here should be getting."

"Yeah, I—" Caramel did a double-take. "Wait, what?"

"But I mean the kind where you're stuck where you're at doing crap-all and the world appears to be moving on at a thousand miles per hour without you," Lyra muttered. "And if you're not planning on ending it, then you gotta stop moping around in the trenches and come out to charge across no-mare's-land."

"I'm not moping around. I'm not depressed! Life just... sucks, is all!" Rainbow frowned. "If I was depressed, don't you think I'd be at least crying?"

"I've got news for ya, speedy." Lyra pointed. "Depression is about lying on your butt. Plain and simple. You don't laugh. You don't cry. You don't want to do anything except sit in place and wait for death to take its course."

"Pffft... since when you were such a big expert, music-maker."

"Cuz I've been there, champ." Lyra shrugged. "Hell, we all have."

"I've not!" Bon Bon said with a grin.

Lyra glared at her. "Honey, were you foaled?"

"Uhm... yes?"

"Then you were born there. Face it. Depression's a natural state. It's the highs that are mutant freaks of emotional happenstance, not the lows." A fresh drink was placed before her. "Thanks, Spartacus." She took a meager sip, exhaled, then gestured before the pegasus. "Why do you think I take liquid depressants on a regular basis? I'm seeking clarity. And at the end of that, a buzz. It's like a chemical roller coaster where you hug your liver and pray to keep your skull intact. For what it's worth."

"Mrmmmfff... please..." Rainbow Dash rubbed her head. "I don't need any of your psuedo-philosophical mumbo jumbo."

"Heh... don't knock it until you tried it, babe." Lyra winked, took another sip, and belched. "But..." She squinted as she waved the funk out of her face. "...if you wanna really get depressed, then try being an artist for a damn week. Heh... bet no flight through Ghastly Gorge—no matter how death-defying—is nearly that scary."

"Sometimes, I wonder..." Rainbow glanced aside. "...what if my friends go through this kind of garbage."

"I-I think we're pretty well-to-do, Rainbow Dash," Caramel said with a smile.

Lyra nudged him. "Lower your skirt, girl. She means her real friends."

Caramel hung his head, ears drooping. "Oh..."

"Like Rarity, for example. When is she ever going to get a clean break in life?" Rainbow hiccuped, then shrugged. "Poor mare breaks her back sewing this and that. And even after showcasing her stuff at the Gala and with Sapphire Shores and with Hoity Toity she still is a virtual unknown between here and Canterlot!" Rainbow frowned. "How's that even fair?"

"See, Rainbow?" Bon Bon raised her eyebrows. "Even your fellow peers have issues that drag them down to the depths. And yet—with the strength of each other to lean on—they persevere!"

"Pfft... yeah..." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Except one of my friends I have this horrible crush on. Another I used to crush super-hard on." She stifled a burp. "And the others are totally friggin' clueless!"

"Then clue them in," Vinyl droned. "Stop trotting about in the dark."

"And how's that going to make them understand me any better?!" Rainbow shrugged. "Take Rarity for example! Even with all of her failures, she still has this... this crazy dream that she holds onto!"

"Like what?" Caramel blinked.

"Pfft... I dunno. She expects Prince Charming to come and whisk her off her hooves. Even when no dude has ever so much as batted an eye at her, she still thinks that stallions are someday gonna be clambering about to marry her or some crud!"

"So what's the problem with having something to look forward to?" Bon Bon shrugged. "Even if it is a silly dream?"

"Cuz it's stupid, that's why!" Rainbow's nostrils flared. "I learned pretty early on that hoping for something was pointless... like wishing my Mom back or... dreaming away dad's illness."

"And yet you've spent the better part of an entire year daydreaming about Applejack," Vinyl Scratch said, raising an eyebrow over her shades. "Is it just me, or do you enjoy sabotaging yourself, Rainbow?"

Bon Bon and Caramel winced.

Lyra drank from her glass.

Rainbow... sighed, and leaned against the tabletop again. "Ouch."

"You want my advice?" Vinyl muttered.

Rainbow buried her muzzle in her forelimbs. "After that? Mrmmmff... no."

"Try daydreaming something else for a change." Vinyl scribbled across her music sheets. "Something realistic. Something corporeal. Something you can touch, taste, and pursue with vigor... so that you can drag your life out of the muck and back to a new, waking reality."

"Mrmmmfff... like what?"

Lyra slapped her empty glass down. "We need to get you laid, ya moron!"

"Eughhh..." Bon Bon face-hoofed. "...Lyra."

"Uhm..." Caramel fidgeted. "Would it count if I batted an eye at Rarity?"

"Wasn't her. It was her dresses." Lyra licked her glass again. "Admit it."

"Yeah. Okay." Caramel sighed. "Let's get Rainbow laid."

Take One Dash, Pass Her Around...

"Hrmmmmfff... heh... heheheheheheheh..." Rainbow Dash laughed so hard that the empty glasses by her muzzle rattled.

Vinyl blinked.

Bon Bon and Caramel winced.

Lyra sighed, smothed her bangs back, and muttered, "Okay. What's so funny?"

"Are you friggin' serious?" Rainbow Dash tilted her head up with a drooping smirk. "You wanna get me laid?"

"Well, not personally." Lyra swiveled the glass in her grasp, looking Rainbow over. "I prefer a mare with bigger... mmmf... everything."

"Jee. Thanks." Rainbow snorted. "Must be hard keeping that horn sharp when all you've got to cut it with is old Mustang Bolton records on repeat."

"Cute." Lyra took an empty sip and pointed. "Say, when you're done with those wings, I need another pile of trash to be carried west to Tartarus."

"Were you born that green or do you sleep on a pile of boogers."

Lyra opened her grinning muzzle to retort—

"Okay, stop." Bon Bon rested a hoof on her fetlock. She looked at Rainbow Dash. "Don't encourage her flirtations, Rainbow."

"The buck?" Lyra blinked. "Who says I'm flirting?"

Bon Bon smirked at her. "Lyra. I know you."

"Hmmmph." Lyra sat back down with a pout. "Like balls ya do..." She licked at her glass again.

"Really, though." Caramel smiled in Rainbow's direction. "Lyra's onto something."

"Pffft..." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Hopefully not me."

"A... change in interests would probably be very healthy for you, Rainbow."

Rainbow grimaced. "You don't actually endorse her disgusting idea, do ya, girl?"

"Well... uhm..." Caramel fidgeted. "I'm not a big fan of... gross sexual flings."

"That's an understatement," Lyra droned.

Caramel frowned, but he continued: "Still... pursuing another mare? Or just another pony in general?" He shrugged. "Could be healthy."

"Ugh..." Rainbow rubbed her head. "I don't see how."

"Because, Rainbow..." Bon Bon leaned forward with a smile. "All this time your heart has told you that there was only one mare for you in this life! Don't you know how... how unrealistic that can be?"

"Meh... I've been there."

"Indeed you have!" Bon Bon blinked. "We were there! We saw what... what..." She fidgeted slightly. "...what a bad relationship could do to a mare we all care for."

"Yyyyyeah..." Rainbow winced. "...not my proudest moment."

"But... but pining for a relationship that can never be is just as bad, don't you think? I mean... imagine in those dark days if you had settled for what you truly believed was your lot in life! You'd never have moved on!"

"Yes... because the place I moved onto was soooooo much better." Rainbow Dash sighed. "I hate to admit it, but hurricane Gilda was almost a breath of fresh air."

Bon Bon waved a forelimb. "There you have it!" She smiled. "On some deep level, you even admit that unexpected spontaneity can be refreshing!"

"Bon Bon... I am not about to repeat Gilda."

"And I'm not saying you have to, Rainbow!" Bon Bon exclaimed. "But... just... s-set sail!"

"Heh..."

"Go out into the open! Explore! Make yourself available to somepony that is real and caring! Not just an... amicable phantom!"

"Or... y'know..." Lyra yawned. "She could just get laid."

"Ugh..." Bon Bon slumped. "Lyra, must you?"

"Might I suggest something now?" Vinyl muttered.

"Enough time has gone by to make me almost forget what you said last," Rainbow muttered. "So shoot."

"Just... don't."

Rainbow looked over. "Don't what?"

"Don't everything." Vinyl scribbled and took notes, talking out the side of her muzzle. "Don't go after mares. Don't go after stallions. Don't go after Mustang Bolton."

"Heh... that's rich." Lyra swiveled and waved at the bartender. "Hit me once more, Nicodemus!"

"You're the awesomest, fastest, bravest pegasus to ever exist," Vinyl said. She shrugged. "Why complicate that with having to accomodate for a significant other? Don't you have career goals? Weren't you obsessed with the Wonderbolts at one time?"

"Vinyl, you just... don't get it. And that's fine." Rainbow shuddered. "As for the Wonderbolts, the jury's still out. But... to be perfectly honest? That all started with a chip on my shoulder and... a slight crush on the flight captain."

"You know, Rainbow." Caramel smiled. "If you weren't so hopeless, you'd be adorable."

"Nicest thing anypony's said to me all day."

"I'm serious, though." Vinyl pointed. "I'm all for this rediscover yourself advice, but... why does your future have to be romantic?"

"It doesn't have to involve romance... just..." Rainbow Dash hugged herself with a sigh. "Cuddles."

Vinyl sighed. "Ask not for whom the hug cuddles," she droned.

"Jee, Rainbow." Caramel giggled. "If you wanted cuddles, I'm just a table away!"

"Or a chairrrr!" Bon Bon leaned in to nuzzle her.

"Yeesh... cut it out." Rainbow shoved back. "It's... it's not the same..."

"Because you keep expecting the same!" Lyra growled. "Don't you get it! Just because you're good at speeding through trenches doesn't mean you have to be narrow-minded!" A fresh glass landed on her table. "Thanks, Judas." She cradled it in her fetlocks while bearing a serious gaze. "If you can't afford yourself a healthier dream, sunshine... then maybe you gotta let us old buddies do the dreaming for you?"

"Hmmmmm..." Rainbow tilted her head up. "...like how?"

...Ninety Eight Bottles of Dash On the Wall

"Just one trot." Lyra smirked, swiveling her glass. "Just one trot through downtown San Franciscolt and we're bound to find a way to give Rainbow a good time."

"Lyra, you're disgusting and without redemption." Bon Bon took a sip of her own drink, exhaled, and said, "So... how would we even get there?"

"Simple. We sell Rainbow Dash's house and move her out there!"

"We can't move Rainbow Dash out of Ponyville!"

"Why not?!"

"Because... b-because we're her friends, you minty-maned trollop! It would be total sad-face for years if she moved away!"

"You mean if she totally abandoned the one place that has cursed her with an insatiable romance for months?! Yeah, B-squared." Lyra took a sip, droning. "Total bummage."

"I think you girls are reaching too much," Vinyl remarked. "Aim for the hear in now. We're trying to bring energy to Rainbow's life, not reinvent it."

"Oh!" Caramel hopped in his seat, grinning from ear to ear. "I know! Let's all pitch in and buy her a ticket to a Wonderbolts show!"

"Eugh..." Lyra rolled her eyes. "That's not what I meant when I suggested we put Rainbow's wings to good use."

"I don't know. I rather like Caramel's idea," Bon Bon said with a smile. "Seems like a healthy distraction."

"Could get Rainbow to think about her own career for a change and not cuddlephelia," Vinyl remarked.

"Or... or wh-what if we go out and buy her a top-of-the-line Wonderbolts jumpsuit?" Caramel remarked.

"You just wanna go shopping," Lyra groaned. "Keep focused."

"I am keeping focused!"

"Say..." Bon Bon smiled, waving a hoof. "I just thought of the best idea! Vinyl?"

"Hmm? I'm your best idea?"

Bon Bon giggled. "No, silly. But close." Her eyes narrowed. "Aren't you headed to Las Pegasus soon?"

"Yup. I'm headed for an underground club by the strip. Got a bunch of gothic idiots to make even more miserable with my latest industrial ear-worm. Why? What about it?"

"Welllll... you usually have room to bring other ponies along with you, right?"

"Yeah...?" Vinyl nodded. "Usually reserved for roadies and fellow musicians."

"Are you taking anypony this time?"

"Nope."

"Splendid! Take Rainbow!"

Vinyl peered above her shades. "Take Rainbow to Las Pegasus?"

"Exactly!"

"Bon Bon..." Vinyl fidgeted. "This is Rainbow Dash we're talking about. Taking her to Equestria's number one gambling and entertainment hub is the social equivalent of tossing a lit match onto a mountain of farting parasprites."

"Tart, yeah!" Lyra smiled. "You should totally do it!"

"And since when were you so keen on aggreeing with one of Bon Bon's ideas?" Vinyl remarked.

"Since she suggested something filthy and sexy and crazy at the same time." Lyra gestured. "You go there to work, V. Everypony else goes there to lose themselves. I think that's precisely what Rainbow needs: an opportunity to drown in the muck and then reemerge as a brand new pegasus." She took a sip. "Sorta like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon, only... y'know... more tassles and crotchtits involved."

"Hmmmfff..." Vinyl smirked slightly. "She'd never go for it."

"Well, there's one way to find out," Caramel said. "We could ask her."

"Splendid choice, my dear." Clearing her throat, Bon Bon swiveled towards Rainbow Dash's seat. "Ahem. Rainbow Dash, how would you like to spend the upcoming week in Las Pegasus with Vinyl?"

"HIC! Rainbow Dash slumped upside down in her chair. "Heeheeheeeeee!" She balanced three mugs on her nose while her tail flicked in the air. "Look at me!" her voice cracked. "I'm a coaster! Snkkkt—heehee! Now watch this!" She rolled to the side. "Barrel roll—aw crap!" THUD! She collapsed to the floor along with all three mugs. "... ... ...smells nice down here!"

"Or..." Bon Bon sighed, looking back at the others. "...she can spend the next few days recovering from her hangover."

"Do... d-do you think we let her drink too much tonight?" Caramel nervously asked.

"Eh... you kidding?" Lyra belched. "With friends like us, she's right as rain. Eugh..." She shifted in her seat. "Scoot over, B-squared. Filly's room time. Gotta take a crap like Luna's just swallowed the moon. Know what I'm sayin'?"

Not Actually Pathetic, But an Incredible Simulation

"Wee-hee-hee-heeeeee!" Rainbow Dash teetered as she and four other equines marched out of the pub. "Y'know what? HIC! At first... at f-first I doubted you girls, but this... heeheehee..." Her eyes rolled as she sauntered left... then right... then left again. "This 'thinking about everything else but Applejack' idea is actually kinda working for me! I'm already seeing the light! HIC! Well... I'm seeing multiple lights... colors, really... and all of them with purple trunks."

"But Rainbow!" Caramel pouted. "You just said her name out loud!"

"The joke is, they're not really purple elephants!" Rainbow teetered. "Just Twilight Sparkle going on vacation! Heeheehee! Move over, Pinkie!"

"Yowsers, she's pissed," Lyra droned.

"Ah jeez..." Vinyl winced. "We're not gonna have to catapult her into her house again, are we?"

"Rainbow, darling?" Bon Bon trotted closer under starlight and cricket song. "Are you going to be safe on the way back home?"

"Pffft... HIC! What's to be scared of?" Rainbow teetered and teetered some more. "It's only a barely paid-for fart cloud in the sky that can collapse at any time!" She burped, then flapped her wings. "Excuse me. Awesomeness coming through."

"Oh no..." Caramel winced. "Rainbow! Don't drink and glide!"

"Why else—HIC—do they call it 'being a barfly!'"

"Wish I brought my microphone with me." Lyra snickered. "This crud is classic."

"Oh Lyra..." Bon Bon rolled her eyes then looked Rainbow's way. "Let us walk you home, Rainbow. Maybe you'll consider what we said about Vinyl?"

"What about her?" Rainbow briefly frowned. "I'm not—HIC—interested in her. Besides, she's asymmetrical."

"Close enough," Vinyl droned.

"That means she only dates other symmetries... hehehe..." Rainbow tried to yawn, but bumped into a tree. "Ow! But hey! Whatever floats your butt!"

"How come we never get as sloshed as her?" Caramel remarked.

"For one, not all of us drink sissy pina coladas," Lyra said. "For another..." She gestured. "Rainbow is Queen Hopeless Extraordinaire of the Romance Kingdom."

Rainbow nuzzled a tree branch. "Heeeeeee... bark, Winona! Bark! Hahahaha... whewwww..." She blinked blearily. "I could use a drink. When's the pub open?"

"It just closed, Rainbow," Vinyl said. "Your tab's through the stratosphere."

"Hey. That's a place I'd like to visit. The stratosphere. HIC!" Rainbow squinted over her shoulder. "Wasn't somepony yammering on and on about a vacation or somecrap?"

"They were." Bon Bon smiled. "But that's in the past. What's important is that you go home and get some rest."

"Uh huh..."

"Promise you'll make a bee-line there?"

"Uh huh... ..."

"Good." Bon Bon waved as she and the others went their separate ways. "And remember, Rainbow Dash, it wouldn't hurt to expand your horizons!"

"Hmmmmm... horizons..." Rainbow Dash shuffled east towards her house. She hummed to herself, smiling dizzily. "If we drink it... HIC... we can do it..."

Home Sour Home

Creaaaaaaaak...

The front door to Rainbow Dash's sky home slowly drifted open.

Silence hung across the dark, empty foyer.

And then...

FWUMP! Rainbow face-planted across the floor. Snorting, she scooted her limp body forward with a pair of shuffling rear legs. About halfway through the door, she turned upside down, giggling stupidly.

Her eyes opened, bloodshot and glinting in the starlight. A stupid smile hung across her muzzle as she fought the urge to vomit once... twice... thrice.

"Hmmmmmmm..." She sat up. She stared into nothinginess. "....snkkkkt—heeheehee!" She hugged herself as she fell over again, kicking at the wall and giggling. "Somepony stop the cloud, I wanna get off! Hehehehehe..."

Rainbow Dash rummaged through her freezer.

After standing there for an untold amount of time, she eventually stumbled backwards in her kitchen. Flecks of frost clung to her muzzle and eyebrows. She cradled a chilled bottle of cider in her hooves.

Cl-Clunk! She dropped it once on the floor of the kitchen. Miraculously, the bottle didn't shatter. The mare leaned over to pick it up again, but she reeled. A breathy giggle escaped her muzzle as she fumbled a bit, eventually grasping the thing once more between her forelimbs.

Minutes later, she was "pouring" herself a mug... or at least trying to. A liberal amount of the bottle's contents splattered across the counter. Her nostrils flared, but she coughed before she was able to laugh. For a brief second, her smile faded, as if a cold sheet of sobriety was being flung over her. As soon as the mug lifted, that lucidity faded, and she was smiling stupidly again, reaching for the mug.

"Mrmmmff... heheh..."

Barely cradling the mug, Rainbow Dash limped through her lonely, dark home in the night's sky.

"Poke fun... at m-me for my tab... huh?" She sniffed, chuckled, then bumped against a wall. "Yo, I've earned more tabs than ponies have eyeballs. Mmmmmfff-frffggg... friggin'... makin' the world safe from mobsters and... rogue cider brothers." She burped, teetering hard to the side. "Whoah! Hahahaha! Coulda... coulda asked Lancie to make me a mountain of cider bottles. So wh-who needs a bar or a tab, huh? Go p-pick on somepony your own butt-size. Snkkkkt—heeheeheeheee..."

She brushed past the doorframe to her bathroom. Her peripheral vision caught a glance of the lonely shower stall. She snorted even louder.

"Buck you too, y'know? Friggin'... death capsule full of water... snkkkttt... heeheehee... not crying anymore. Not crying... don't..." A hiccup. "...don't need anything to hide it ya lame-o."

At last, she slumped into her bedroom. She teetered back into a wall, staring across the dark interior with dull eyes. Her voice cracked, dropping into a lower, breathy tone.

"Live and die in here. That's all. Everything else... hrmmmfff... just a friggin' dream." She gulped. "I hate dreams. Too many... mrmmff... too many freckles."

That said, she brought the mug to her lips.

The pegasus lingered.

She stared dully into her container. A faceless shadow of a reflection peered back.

Rainbow Dash gulped. Her eyes wondered as a moist sheen overwhelmed her eyes. She was shivering slightly, and a lump formed in her throat.

"Mmmmm... Lancie... was it..." She coughed. "...was it because you knew h-how badly I sucked?"

Silence.

The first of several tears threatened to form.

And then...

Rainbow spotted a goblet on the counter. The lid and handle were adorned with alicorn symbols.

Rainbow stifled a burp. She stared at the chalace...

...and the tears evaporated before they could form.

A wicked, conniving grin crossed her muzzle as she reached over for the container.

Friends Don't Let Friends Do Dreams

The outline of a mountain swam itself into existence beneath her hooves. Gray stone and green patches of grass blossomed in between the lines and fissures of a floating continent.

Rainbow Dash teetered. With a thin-eyed blink, she pivoted about, trying to gain her balance. Soon it didn't matter; she floated inches above the granite shelf, drifting through clouds and celestial bands of light.

Her head tilted up. Rolling eyes spotted brief flashes of light, like starbursts in the distant gasp of the undulating dreamscape. At some point, she evened out. The spheres rotated, and a figure materialized in front of her from several miles away.

"Well then, if this isn't a surprise!" Her muzzle came first, then her shoulders, flank, and tail. Epcot unfurled like a flag, her mane settling with sparkles of stardust as she stood before her pegasus friend. "Feels like an alicorn age since you stopped by last, Rainbow Dash!" A giggle escaped the side of her muzzle. "I was starting to think that all I had to look forward to lately was sculpting galactic statues of subconscious detritus!"

Rainbow Dash merely blinked. A dumb smile sported her face. She trotted forward, ultimately floating past Epcot.

The chaperone blinked. Twirling about, she raised a curious eyebrow. "Rainbow...?"

"Mrmmmfff..." Rainbow reached into a stretch of fluffy pink clouds. She grasped a column of mist, molded it into a dense blur, and wrapped it around her hoof. Then, with a flick of her forelimb, she turned the piece of cloud into a trombone. "Grnngh... no..." She flicked her hoof again. The trombone turned into a fishing rod. "Darn it... come on..." Another flick: a hatchet. "Ugh."

"Uhmmmm..." Epcot leaned her head to the side. "What, pray tell, are you attempting to conjure?"

"Something that holds water," Rainbow grumbled. Flash! The cloudpiece finally became a mug. "Hah! You're the best friend ever!" She raised the mug up to the sky. A hole opened up in the ether, and a yellow liquid poured through. The stream filled the mug, and Rainbow took a hearty sip. "Mmmmmm..." She smiled, then belched out a giggle. "Whaddya know?! Caramel's onto something. Pineapple shots for the win. Hehehehe..."

"Well, I'm glad I could..." Epcot shrugged with a curious smile. "...wet your whistle. How have you been lately?"

Rainbow Dash ignored her. She pivoted to face the chaperone. "What else can ya do?"

Epcot blinked. "Well... anything and everything!" Her teeth showed. "At least... everything you've always known me to be capable of in this place!"

Rainbow took another sip. This time, the mug was full of red wine. She savored the taste, rubbed her muzzle, and lisped: "Take us to... mmmmfff... one of those palaces."

"Palaces, Rainbow Dash?"

"You know... the alicorn ones." Rainbow Dash licked the edge of the mug as she floated. "With all the cushions and pillows and stuff."

"Ohhhhhh! Those palaces! Well, if you insist!" Epcot giggled, then wiggled her fuzzy gray nose.

The world blurred past them in a kaleidoscope of chaotic colors. The two mares spanned a thousand terrestrial planes in the blink of an eye. At last, they came to an icy stop within a grand marble throne room lined with massive columns and shiny floor panels.

"Ta-daaaaaaa!" Epcot "swam" through the air with a brilliant smile. "I've always liked this one! It's modeled after the Great Mountain Manor of the Sky Kings. Ancient pegasi. Grandfathers to Commander Hurricane! Boy, did those ponies know architecture! The alicorns almost envied them—"

"No no no no..." Rainbow Dash hiccuped, taking a magical sip of vodka. "Not that kind of a palace."

"Huh?"

"You know..." Rainbow squinted. "A palace... where the alicorns went to really... really relax."

Epcot blinked. Her eyes darted about, and at one point her ears perked. "Oh! Uhm... s-sure thing!" She nodded her head.

The realm twirled in a maddening blur. The first thing to explode into existence was a thick, rich incense. Rainbow's hooves made contact with a lush velvet carpet. Burgundy couches lined with pillows and silks surrounded her. A raised platform led to a steaming hot bath on one end of the chamber, and a queen-sized bed drowning in scarlet sheets on the other.

"This place... uhm... was built by the imagination of Queen Alabastra of the Crystal Kingdom!" Epcot said with a slight quiver to her voice. "Do modern ponies remember the Crystal Kingdom? It was once a land of art and decadence until the notorious King Sombra rose to power and enslaved all of his—"

"Uh huh. Right. Save the history lesson." Rainbow lurched across the opulent chamber. She tossed the mug over her shoulder; the item exploded into a dozen doves that flew out the curtained windows. "So... bring 'em out."

Epcot blinked. "I... I-I don't understand, Rainbow Dash." She peered at the pegasus. "Bring what out?"

"Y'know... some entertainment!" Rainbow Dash stifled a burp as she fwomped onto a pile of pillows. She turned over, smiling groggily. "Let's... uhhhh... start simple, shall we?" Her muzzle let loose a throaty chuckle. "I'd say... three mares. Feel it out. I've got all night."

Epcot's eyes darted. "...you mean feminine entertainment?"

"Pffft. You're a mind reader, aren't you? Let's have it!" Rainbow Dash rolled a hoof in the air. "How about giving them... Wonderbolts uniforms. Hehehe... mmmyyyyeah. Two sizes too small, just for manure and giggles."

Epcot blinked.

"The rookie outfits." Rainbow winked. "I wanna feel in charge for once."

Silence.

"Ahem... uhm... b-but of course." Epcot bore a tiny smile. "And... would do you desire... a specific look to these... charming 'rookies?'"

Rainbow reclined back with a heavy exhale. "The more freckles the better."

Epcot stared at her.

Rainbow Dash battled a yawn. At the end of it, she blinked thinly at Epcot. "What's the matter?"

"I..."

"Blonde, green eyes, and freckles! Come on!" Rainbow clapped her hooves together. "Let's go!"

"But that... makes it sound like you want to be surrounded by—"

"It's the closest I'll ever get. So who cares? I need this. HIC! Come on."

Epcot's brow furrowed. "Rainbow, have... have you been drinking in excess?" The chaperone winced slightly. "I mean... in the real world?"

"What of it?" Rainbow frowned. "Look, I dunno about you, but I'm not getting any younger here. So let's get the ball rolling, darn it!"

"This... doesn't seem like you..."

"Ugh..." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Are you a Chaperone of Tomorrow or aren't you?"

"But of course—"

"Then do what you were made for! Gimme a bunch of sexy Applejacks in uniform!"

"She's..." Epcot fidgeted. "She's your friend. This... this isn't—"

"Pffft. Nopony's asking you to watch. Just do what I ask you. Is that so friggin' hard?"

Epcot blinked. A deep breath rolled through her, and she took a step back. "No."

Rainbow Dash teetered upon hearing that. After much struggle, she sat up. "What was that?"

"No, Rainbow Dash." Epcot clenched her jaw shut. "This is not going to help you. It is not going to help anything."

"Huh?" Rainbow's muzzle scrunched into an iron frown. "The buck are you going on about?"

"You're not yourself right now." Epcot gulped. "I will not help you with something that you will inevitably regret."

"You wanna talk about regret?" Rainbow snarled, slapping a hoof over her own chest. "How about giving up everything you ever wanted every friggin' day of your dang life?!" Her nostrils flared. "You're immortal! A walking magic spell with features. Pffft... what do you know about wasted opportunities?"

Epcot shuddered. "I'm... I'm sorry, Rainbow. You're my friend. And you deserve better."

"I deserve better? I deserve better?!" Rainbow Dash snorted. "What about what I want?! I can't get it out there now do your friggin' job and grant my stinkin' wish!"

Epcot sighed. Her eyes moistened as she looked away... and dissolved into dull gray light.

Rainbow blinked. "Hey... Hey!" She stood up on shuffling limbs. "Where are you going?"

The patch of light that was once the chaperone faded entirely. One layer at a time, the entire palace unraveled around Rainbow.

"Hey! It's falling apart! Put it back together, Epcot! I mean it! What kind of chaperone are you?!" Rainbow was seething at this point. Her teeth showed as she barked: "You say you're my friend, huh?! Some friend you are! I thought I could come here to relax and you just... wuss out!"

The world billowed away into nebulous clouds of black nothing.

"Rrrrgh!" Rainbow snarled. "Oh yeah?! Well, I may be a loser out there. But you're nothing, you hear me?!" She slurred, teetered through the emptiness. "Just... j-just a friggin' toy that the alicorns made! Where would you b-be if Stu and I didn't pull you out of the garbage of time?! Huh?! Is this what you want?! To be alone forever?! Guarding some... subconscious junkyard for a bunch of goddesses who don't know you exist?! You're nothing, you hear me?!"

"You're nothing!" Rainbow shouted, clutching her skull. "You're a lame-o waste of space and you'll always be that! So what are you staying loyal to, huh?!" Her eyes opened as she gnashed her teeth. "What are you pretending to be loyal to?!"

The walls of her bedroom echoed her voice.

Rainbow panted... panted.

The mare hugged herself, shivering. She lay on a floor next to a fallen amulet. The air was sour, smelling of sweat and urine.

She shook... shook... seethed. Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes. She clutched her skull hard, hissing. Bloodshot eyes wandered... wandered... eventually finding the amulet. Then—after a deep growl rose in her throat—she swiveled about and bucked the alicorn goblet hard with her hoof.

The chalice went flying across the room, rattling to a stop somewhere unsheen in the shadows.

It scarcely punctuated the throbbing moment.

Rainbow whimpered. She clenched her eyes shut, but the words were still echoing in her head.

"Mrnnngh... grnnnnnngh... buck it... buck it!"

So she did the only thing she could think of.

FWOOOOSH! She flapped her wings and she flew. Her body ragdolled twice against the bedroom walls, but she weathered it... absorbed it... and finally found the space in her window to leap out. Her body did a corkscrew, evened out, then went sailing like a soaked blue missile through the madness of night.

Sloshragette

"Hrmmm... mmrfmmff..."

Rainbow's eyes were open, for what it was worth.

She drifted ahead—not very evenly—with her wings unfolded like limp sails. This caused her to dip and sag in her flight often. More than once, her sensitive belly brushed against leaves and branches of the trees below.

"Mrmmmfff... dang it..." She looked up. The stars stabbed at her eyes. She shut her lids, but she didn't like the fresh memories still fermenting there.

With a seething breath, the mare dipped again. This time, the trees had vanished, so she struck nothing but air.

It wouldn't last for long. The rustic buildings of northern Ponyville drifted by. Rainbow Dash was oblivious to them—until her peripheral vision caught a familiar windowfront.

"Grnfff... hmmm?" She pivoted about. Whump! She flew backwards into a buzzing lamppost. "Augh!" Her voice echoed like a gunshot across the sleepy street. "Friggin' A! Watch where you're... b-buzzing... chuuuu..." The mare rubbed her eyes, teetered, then blinked ahead of her.

Silence.

She bore a dumb... dumb smile.

A pub's dim windows loomed in front of her. The neon sign was off, and a dangling poster read "CLOSED" in the front window.

All was a blur before her rolling eyes.

"Heheheheheh—HIC!" She waved a hoof before her muzzle. "What gives, guys? The crickets are out. Can't even be morning—HIC—yet." She stopped flapping her wings. Instantly, her numb limbs crumpled beneath her. "Mrmmff! Dang it! Who lifted the gr-ground? Guhhh..."

The struggled to get up, crawling... wriggling. At last, she pulled herself forward by her grip to a bench.

"Grnnngh... mrmmfff..."

When she lifted, she was staring so close to the window that her fuzzy nostrils formed clouds of condensation against the glass. Observing this stirred something angry inside of her, like a bull seeing red.

"Hey... heeeeey..." She braced herself against the doorframe. "What gives? They... hic... think they're closed. You talk 'em into this, girls?"

Rainbow Dash tilted her head left and right, squinting into the darkness of the bar interior.

"Hey! Hey Joe! Joedemus! Buckiah! Nicklebuck—snkkkkt... heeheehee!" She leaned against the glass, drooling. A deep wheeze escaped her breath. "Whatever your name is! Come onnnn! Open up! I've got bits, buddy! I can cover the tab!"

Silence, save for the chirping of insects beyond the nearby bushes.

"Hmmmff... hey!" Rainbow blinked. "Hey?" She frowned, tapping her hoof against the glass. "Not funny! Open up, dude! It's the law! The... mrmmmff... cider law. Don't you think? Right? Princess Celestia and—HIC—the Quorum of Tankards... or s-something..."

She pulled at the door handle.

The entrance refused to budge.

So she tugged and yanked and threw her petite weight into it.

The door merely rattled in its frame.

"Nrnnngh... come on... open... up!" Rainbow Dash finally lost her grip. Slipping, she fell back on her fuzzy flanks with a jolt. "Ooomf!" A frown crossed her muzzle as she glanced at her limp fetlocks. "Dang it, Zecora! Stop making out with... Nier... Noira... Nezbit... friggin'..." She rolled over, pressing her shivering body back up onto all fours. "Nocturne of the... grnnngh... Flatulence. Bet you like that one, Lyra." A giggle. "What would Lyraaaaaa dooooo?"

Her ears twitched. She looked past the bench.

A metal garbage pale sat in the dewy grass.

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash grinned wickedly. "Heheheh—HIC—perfect."

She trotted a zig-zagged path towards the container. Then, with an extraordinary amount of grunting, she hoisted the thing up in her forelimbs and twirled in the direction of the pub.

"I said it was not funny! But you didn't listen!" She threw her twitching muscles into a forward lurch. "Now... open up!"

The metal can flew from her grasp and—

CRKKKK! The front window of the pub fractured down the center. Almost instantly, a blaring alarm pierced the heavens. WREE-WREE-WREE!

"Awww—HIC—fudge!" Rainbow winced. Ears drooping, she looked in every direction.

The windows of shops and apartments across the street rattled. Dogs began barking. One by one, lights flicked to life.

"Crud crud crud crud!" Rainbow scampered, flapped her wings, ran into a tree, and then flew off in a crooked arch. "P-put it on the tab! Guhhhhh!" And she disappeared beyond the next row of houses, leaving bedlam and broken glass behind her.

Thud

Rainbow Dash panted and panted.

The only real thing was her flapping wings. Everything else was a numb blur: madness painted with streaking shadows. Her ears throbbed with the echoing sound of the siren behind her. Even when she had flown for several blocks and it was reasonably impossible to still hear the noise, her skull rattled with the sensation.

In the corner of her mind, the alarm morphed into a million disapproving voices: Fluttershy's sighs, Daddy's whimpers, Gilda's growls, Lancie's chuckles...

...Epcot's sobs...

The mare clenched her eyes shut with a squeak. Gnashing her teeth, she shook her head left and right. "Just... j-just... hic... scram... buck off..." She clasped her hooves together, but she couldn't feel them. The blood was rushing into her wings. She lifted—only to drop in flailing bursts. "Who cares? Who in Tartarus even cares?!"

The air whistled past her ears. Whistling voices... creaking doors... swishing tails...

...rustling hat... crunching hooves... sweaty orange coat...

...freckles and freckles and...

... ...a smile? A frown? Rainbow looked and looked, but every time she saw her, Applejack's back was turned.

"Grnnngh..." Rainbow's jaw clenched hard. Things blurred past her. She wobbled back and forth, picking up speed. "You know what? Hic! I-I don't even care!" She shuddered and hissed. "I can let you g-go!" Her voice cracked, and she hyperventilated. "I can let you go... I can let you go... I can..."

A creaking... swiveling noise...

...Rainbow Dash opened her eyes.

She was flying straight towards a weathervane.

"...!" She steered hard to the right, banking.

With last second precision, she expertly missed the weathervane...

...and flew straight into an apartment's second story.

WHAM!!! Rainbow's bones rattled—hard—as did a windowpane and a gnarled wooden frame. The mare wheezed, groaned...

.... and fell.

Th-Th-Thrump! Her body ricocheted off the framework of an apartment building's front facing. Before she could even pretend to register pain from the impact, she had rolled off a shower drain and—

Sploooosh!

—landed halfway draped out of a soaking wet horse trough.

"Grnnngh... grfff..." The mare lifted her dripping head. She blinked blearily into a crooked slice of starlight looming above. "Huh... that wasn't so bad." Then her nerves caught up with her. The pegasus' eyes bulged. "Oh... there it is. Ow ow ow ow ow owwwwwwww..."

Gnashing her teeth, Rainbow tried getting up. She only succeeded in rolling out of the horse trough like a big wet noodle.

"Mmmmf!" She quivered on the grass, aching from head to tail. "Grnnngh... some... somepony... heheheh... somepony get the license plate number of that apartment building." She smiled crookedly. "Heheheheh... horse and run... heheheh... heh... heh..."

Covered in sweat, filth, and the grit of exhaustion...

...she somehow found the conscious strength to sob.

The mare stifled most of it under a thick lump in her throat. Nevertheless, an inch or two squeaked through, overwhelming Rainbow's ragged figure with shivers.

"I... I wish..." She shook and quivered. "...I wish I could let you go. Please..." Her eyes clenched as tears rolled down her fuzzy face. "Help me... help me let you go. You... you stupid... g-gorgeous mare..." She curled up, shook, and descended into a cold, cold dark.

Somewhere...

Far in the distance... ...

... ... ...the lights to the apartment flickered on. A front door opened, and soft hooves crunched across the late night lawn. A breath gasped, followed by a vaguely familiar voice: "Oh my goodness... Rainbow Dash?!"

Rainbow lost all energy to cry.

"Rainbow Dash! Ohhhhh Celestia... I knew we should have walked you home! Just stay put! I'll... uh... I'll get you warm and dry! Don't you go anywhere!"

And as the hooves galloped off, Rainbow Dash quietly obeyed the voice.

And was out like a light.

Interventionology

"You woke us all up at four in the morning and dragged us here for this?"

"Dang it, Lyra! Don't you see?! This is an emergency!"

"Yeah. Something that her better friends can deal with."

"She does not want to burden her other friends with this! Don't you know that by now?! Haven't you paid attention to any of the things she's said and cried about at the pub every time we've hung out?!"

"Meh. Still don't see why you're getting us involved. It's two hours before sunrise."

"And did you have work to go to today? Huh? Well?!"

"Mrmmmfff... you got me there. Still... coulda just thrown her onto the curb in front of the hospital or something."

"Vinyl. Caramel. Help me out here. Don't you think this has gone on long enough?"

"Well... yeah. Obviously. But what are we expected to do, Bon Bon? You know Rainbow Dash. Even at her best, she's hopeless."

"I agree with what Bon Bon is doing here. Rainbow Dash? She needs an intervention!"

"Half of us are musicians. The other half are sugary princesses. What are we even expected to do?"

"Uhm... give her a drink?"

"Yeah. Good thinking, Caramel. Why not drown her in the process? Oh! I know! I'll shove cotton down her throat while you rip out her liver with a chain-saw! How's that for a brilliant bucking plan!"

"Look, I'm half awake here..."

"If you ask me, she needs a drastic change of scenery. Something that will disrupt the repeating pattern she's stuck in."

"What did you have in mind, Vinyl?"

"I don't know. I'm just as exhausted as Caramel here."

"Why don't we hang her upside down in a refrigerator and play pinata with your baking sheets?"

"Lyra. I invited everyone here—including you—so we can do something to save our friend. I mean... I-I just found her hanging out of my horse trough in the middle of the night! This... this is Rainbow Dash we're talking about! Have any of us... any of us seen her in this bad a shape?"

"Look, Bon-Squared. I feel for her. I really do! But.. I-I just don't know what we can do for the loony bird-horse! She's a lovesick victim of her own circumstances! Even if we gave her all the smelling salts that exist in this world and melted her hangover to oblivion, she'd still be in love with Applejack so much that she'd be willing to drink herself to destruction... again."

"I kinda like what Vinyl suggested. A change in scenery. Something to disrupt the self-destructive flow."

"But how? And with what?"

"Hmmmmm..."

"What's with the 'hmmmm'-ing, Bon Bon?"

"I'm thinking."

"Seriously? That's the sound you make when you think? What are you, a cartoon?"

"Darn it, Lyra! Won't you be constructive for once?!"

"It's hard to be constructive at dark-as-balls-o'clock! I know you dragged us all to your place to try and save Rainbow Dash's skin, but it's what's inside that needs the royal mallet to the noggin'! And I just don't know if we've got the smarts or wherewithawal to do that!"

"Ugh... maybe we should bring Twilight Sparkle and the others in on this."

"You said it yourself. Rainbow would rather die then get them involved."

"Then... hwatever we do... it's up to us."

"Ungh..."

"Well?"

"... ... ... ... ...Vinyl?"

"Yeah, Caramel?"

"When... when are you headed to Las Pegasus?"

"I was going to take the train in two days."

"Have... you thought about giving yourself a head start?"

"Eh... I dunno. Las Pegasus is a lousy town when you're there by yourself for any length of time."

"But if you weren't by yourself?"

"... ... ...I'm sorry, Caramel. But I really don't have the strength or energy to drag around a drunk little pegasus with me for the entire tour."

"And who says you have to?"

"...huh?"

"What are you getting at, Caramel?"

"Just what you were wanting to do, Bon Bon! An intervention... but an intervention on the road!"

"Huh..."

"Well? You're on vacation. Lyra's got nothing else to do. I'm... well... I'm me."

"And just what will we do?"

"Anything. Everything. Can you really... truly think of a better town to... y'know... distract Rainbow Dash at?"

"It... it could backfire horribly."

"But it's worth a shot, don't you think? Isn't Rainbow's health worth it?"

"I... I think it could work. Lyra?"

"Guh... I don't know about Rainbow Dash, but I'm starting to feel like the walls of this stinkin' town are closing in. It might be just as good for me as it would be for her. Vinyl? What do you think of this psychotic idea?"

"Yes, Vinyl. Would it hurt your schedule at all?"

"I'm not worried about my schedule. I am a bit worried about my sanity, though."

"That's what I'm saying! You don't have to worry about a thing! Lyra, Bon Bon and I will take care of Rainbow! We just need your ticket to get there! Can't you land us a place at Las Pegasus for free with your connections?"

"Well, sure..."

"Then let's do this! Throw caution to the wind! Live in the moment and inject some joy and freedom into our friend! I mean... in Rainbow's case, anything has gotta be better than where she was landing herself!"

"You know, it may just be crazy enough to work. What do you think, Lyra?"

"It's wild, shortsighted, irresponsible, and potentially illegal. Hell, count me in."

"Squee! Then let's do it!"

"Should we wake her up and tell her?"

"Who, Rainbow? Nah... she'll find out soon enough."

"But... but what if she wakes up hating us?"

"Heh... let's see her punch her way through that kind of a hangover..."

Berth by Sleep

The bed shook.

Rainbow Dash felt it through the numbness, and her ears twitched.

"Mrmmfff..." She rolled over, tail flicking with brief annoyance. Her muzzle scrunched—nose wriggling—and unscrunched. At last, she was still once more.

... ... ...and then the bed shook again.

"Grffff..." Rainbow tensed once more. Her ears pivoted about like a drowsy cat's. She heard a continuous thrumping noise. At first, she thought it was her heartbeat, but as consciousness came to bleary body, it didn't increase even the slightest.

With a muffled groan, the mare sat up—

WHUMP! She instantly hit her head.

"Aaaugh!" The volume of her shriek surprised even her. A hundred million needles pierced her skull from all sides. Tiny explosions went off in the dull nerves connecting her eyeballs to her brain. It took all her strength just to keep from vomiting. "Grkkkk... what... wh-what?"

At last, after much agony, she forced her eyelids open.

She lay on a mattress sprawled across the floor of a ridiculously claustrophobic space. Her first thought was that she was inside a coffin. However, there was too much light.

Her bloodshot eyes tilted left and right. By now, a consistent hiss of rattling noise found its place in her lucid ears. The thrumping was emanating from all around her. At last, her vision fell upon a sliver of pulsating light to her side. She saw the dangling handle of a set of blinds. Without thinking, she reached out and gave the loop a yank.

Thwpp-Thwpp-Thwppp! The blinds receded in a blink, and the entire compartment was filled with burning bright light.

"Guhhhh! Friggin'... pineapple... on f-fire!" Rainbow covered her face with a pair of fuzzy forelimbs. She swore she was burning; her ears rang as long as the murderous wave of light persisted.

At last, with great reluctance, Rainbow peeked out from behind her forelimbs.

"Uhhhh..."

She saw a green countryside rolling from the left to the right. Every so often, a wooden pole whizzed by. Mountains, forests, and townships dwindled in the distance. A sheet of translucent glass rattled between her and the blurring landscape.

"Uhmmm..."

Rainbow scooted away from the scene. Instead of hitting a wall, her flank shifted through a velvert curtain—then fell, pulling the rest of her body down with her.

"Whoah—!"

WHUMP!

Rainbow fell hard on the floor of a rocking train car.

"Ooomf!" She gnashed her teeth and her eyes teared up from the excrutiating pain rocketing up and down her spine... but mostly lingering in her skull. "Owwwwwww..." Once her foggy vision returned, she squinted up.

Row after row of open berths loomed above the mare. She was in the sleeping quarters, but the only curtains that were drawn had been in front of her mattress.

"But... I..." The mare gazed all around, head throbbing. "How...?!"

Just then, she heard the muffled sounds of conversation.

Her head spun to the left. The junction of an adjacent passenger car lingered just a few steps away. With an iron frown, the mare forced herself to her hooves and stomped across the meager distance.

She opened the door with a schwissh and peered through, squinting.

A veritable serpent's neck of wobbling train car interiors stretched and stretched before her. It must have been fifteen compartments, easily. In between bleary blinks, Rainbow made out the flicker of trotting passengers, suited conductors, and shuffling waiters and waitresses.

Her muzzle hung open. Within seconds, she heard a familiar gaggle of voices to her right. Swiveling, she reached a hoof out and swung a glass door open.

Schlunkkk!

Four ponies sat in a booth by the window.

"...time of year for visiting Las Pegasus," Bon Bon rambled. "After all, I think it's best to avoid Mexicolt or Brayzil until that virus clears out."

"Bon Bon, you're not even pregnant," Vinyl droned.

"Well." Bon Bon shrugged. "It's the thought that counts."

"Ugh... friggin' trains..." Lyra rubbed her skull. "When are they gonna serve alcohol on these damn things?"

"Gotta wait for the legislation," Caramel said. He nevertheless smiled, gesturing towards a plate of saucers. "Still, they have some nice tea!"

"What in tap-dancing Tartarus is going on here?!?!" Rainbow Dash hollered.

"Hey!" Lyra bore a dull smile. "Speaking of alcohol."

"Good morning, Rainbow!" Caramel lifted a cup. "Want some tea?"

"Girl, buck your tea!" Rainbow slapped the thing out of the wincing stallion's hoof. "I want answers! What am I doing on board a speeding train?"

"We're going well below the maximum velocity allotted to this route," Vinyl said, shuffling through music notes. "Technically it's not 'speeding.'"

"You know what I mean!"

Lyra looked at Bon Bon. "Told you she'd be pissed."

"Don't gloat." Bon Bon stuck her tongue out. "You're not right all of the time."

"Oh yeah? Only when it friggin' counts."

"Am I going crazy?!?!" Rainbow pulled at her mane hair. Her voice cracked, "One moment, I was chilling and relaxing in Ponyville... the next thing I know... I'm... I'm..." She flung her forelimbs. "Where is this train even going?!"

"Okay, for one thing..." Vinyl put down her work and counted invisible fingers. "You most certainly weren't 'chilling' OR 'relaxing'."

"Huh?" Rainbow blinked.

"You were spilling out of Bon Bon's horse trough," Lyra grunted. "Marinating in your own piss."

"And for another..." Vinyl breathed. "Consider this an alternate form of some long overdue medicine."

"What are you talking about?"

"Intervention, Rainbow Dash."

"Intervention?!" Rainbow Dash grimaced. She rubbed her head from her own outbrust and moaned, "Is this about all of the drinking?"

"HAH!" Lyra grinned stupidly. "You don't expect us to turn against our own religion, do you? Pffft! Hell naw..." She shook her head. "This is an intervention from misery."

"Buh?"

"Ponyville's been nothing but an abysmal pit of sadface for you over these past few months," Caramel said. "It's high time you got a diversion."

"And for that reason, you guys friggin' abducted me?"

"Don't think of it as an abduction. Think of it as a vacation!" Caramel grinned jubilantly. "Vinyl's got a gig in Las Pegasus, and she's taking us all there! Free of charge! This is your one ticket to live and let loose and completely forget about Applejack!" A beat. His ears drooped. "Whoops."

Rainbow Dash blinked.

Lyra and Bon Bon facehoofed.

"Ahem..." Vinyl reached over to slap Caramel upside his silky head. "...for real. The bill's on me. And when I say 'the bill's on me,' I really mean it's on my record label... who's funding this shindig. So, y'know... get ready to party up... or party down... or whatever the foals are calling it these days."

"You can get hammered in more ways than one." Lyra winked. "I guarantee it."

"Or you can just relax in any way you see fit!" Bon Bon said. "Las Pegasus isn't all gambling and showfillies! Why... they've got the Star Trot Experience at that one hotel!"

"They closed that down, Bon Bon," Lyra droned.

"Oh..." Bon Bon winced. "Did they?"

"It's been a friggin' decade and a half since Scott Buckula last sat his pasty flank on the bridge of the Equestriaprise," Lyra grumbled into her hoof. "Now buy yourselves a goddess-damn remastered edition of Firefilly and get with the freakin' times, girl, I swear to Celestia..."

"So... yeah!" Caramel smiled crookedly. "Intervention vacation! Intervacation! Heheheh... alright?"

"Bullcrap!" Rainbow frowned, pointing at the group. "This is foalnapping! Plain and simple! I mean... h-how?!" She swung her forelimbs wildly. "How am I even going to afford this on my schedule?! I have two jobs to juggle... barely. I'm an Element of Harmony! I just... I-I just can't go skipping off willy-nilly without any warning!"

"You mean like you always do?" Vinyl spoke without looking. "Constantly? Every other week or so for the past half-year?"

Rainbow gawked at her. "...what?"

"Rainbow..." Bon Bon slowly stood up. She stared at Rainbow with a soft, sympathetic expression. "Last night, you... you were the worst we've ever seen you since... well..." She gulped. "...s-since you were going steady with somepony who will not be named."

Rainbow blinked.

"There was a time when we pretended to ignore how bad things were. We had faith in how strong and tenacious you were. In truth, we were cowards."

"Well..." Lyra started.

"We were cowards," Bon Bon said, her voice firmer. "We should have braved a closer look. Maybe then... we could have steered your life on a better path. You wouldn't have butted heads so stupidly with Gilda. And... and you wouldn't be living such a self-destructive lifestyle now."

"Self-destructive?" Rainbow growled. "You four gals drink yourselves into oblivion every other day and you call me self-destructive?!? Ow owwwww..." She rubbed her skull as it throbbed from her last outburst. Seething through her teeth, she glanced back into the booth.

All four stared back at her.

"You're an awesome pony, Rainbow Dash," Caramel said. "Consider this... a reward for doing something brave!" He smiled. "And that brave something is... going back to square one. Rediscovering yourself. So... why not have a little bit of fun in the process?"

Rainbow blinked. At last, a hard frown crossed her muzzle. "Pffft... buck this. I don't need to be patronized."

"Oh Rainbow..." Bon Bon sighed.

"'Oh Rainbow' nothing!" Rainbow's nostrils flared. "I have a life back at Ponyville! A life... a living... and friends."

"You have one thing back there," Lyra grumbled. "Learn to let it go before it kills you."

"Let me be the judge of what kills me or not! I've faced dangerous crud the likes of which none of you can even begin to imagine! I'll know when or if the time comes that I should 'go back to square one'. So stop putting words into my mouth and stop foalnapping me like two-bit thugs! I don't have to go anywhere! So if you're done sniffing your own farts, I'm getting off this train we're on!" And she slammed the glass door shut and marched angrily towards the back of the train.

Silence.

Bon Bon slumped back into her seat with a sigh. She looked lethargically at Lyra.

Caramel bit his lip.

Vinyl exhaled, adjusted her shades, and picked her music sheets back up. "Well, she took that well..."

Select Your Fast Passes In Advance

"Say, uh, Vinyl?"

"Yes, Bon Bon?"

"Uhhhh..." The mare flipped a flier over in her grasp, squinting at its partially unfolded contents. "I'm looking over this pamphlet concerning the hotel that we're staying at."

"Uh huh..."

The coach jostled as the train carried them along.

Bon Bon blinked, her eyes traveling up and down the colorful page and its pictures. "Where was this 'All You Can Eat Cupcake Buffet' that you spoke of?"

"That's a VIP Only Access thing," Vinyl calmly explained, writing notes down on the corner of a sheet of paper. "It's not for the general public, so you won't see it advertised."

"Oh." Bon Bon's muzzle scrunched. "Are we VIP ponies?"

"Of course, numb-butts," Lyra droned. "Vinyl's taking us backstage, isn't she?"

"Ahem." Vinyl cleared her throat, flipping to another sheet. "Lyra's on point, for once."

"Cool!" Caramel grinned. "Who doesn't love cupcakes?"

"Yeah, but I wonder if that clashes with the Dry Gulch Ghost Tour that's scheduled for the same morning..." Bon Bon muttered, turning the pamphlet over.

"Holy crab shells, Bon-Squared." Lyra made an angry face. "We're going to Las Pegasus to show Rainbow Dash a good time! Not go on boring-ass ghost tours. What's gotten into you?"

"But they visit the last known whereabouts of the Buck Cassidy and the Sundance Colt!" Bon Bon grinned. "What's more awesome than a bunch a dead ghost robbers with guns?"

"How about ghost robbers with ghost guns?" Caramel giggled.

Rainbow Dash merely stared out the window. Her eyes followed the countryside as she pressed her chin to her fetlock. Fuzzy blue ears twitched.

"Stick to the main features of the hotel, Bon Bon," Lyra grumbled. "We're only here for a few days. So let's stick to where the lights, lace, and liquid courage are most religiously concentrated."

"Pffft! As if Rainbow's gonna spend the entire time gambling at the casino."

"Why not?" Lyra smirked. "She's gambled with her sanity all these months."

"Har har..." Rainbow grumbled.

"Maybe they have a show that's more to her speed?" Caramel asked. "Like... something with tiger taming... or a monster stagecoach rally!"

"Hmmmm..." Bon Bon tapped her chin as she read down the list. "Searching through the events once more. Let's see... Pony and Teller... goddess, no..." Her eyes darted. "Bonfire Desert Bingo... Manehattan Masquerade Ball... blah blah blah... oh what's this? The Princess Experience?"

"OooOooOooOooh!" Caramel leaned forward, eyes sparkling. "For realsies?"

"Oh. My bad." Bon Bon tittered. "That's the Pirate Recess Expo, for foals. I read it wrong."

"Awwwwwwww..." Caramel slumped back, frowning. "Don't yank my string like that."

"Somepony has to," Vinyl droned.

"Dammit..." Lyra snatched the pamphlet from Bon Bon's grasp. "Gimme that!"

"Hmmph!" Bon Bon folded her forelimbs. "'Thank you most kindly, Bon Bon.' 'You're welcome, Lyra.' 'Aren't we the best of friends, Bon Bon?'"

"'My teats need more suckling, Lyraaaaaaaa,'" Lyra yodeled while perusing the pamphlet. "Yeesh, who designed this crap? A dyslexic hydra?"

"Worse," Vinyl said. "Young ponies fresh out of art school."

"Ah!" Lyra slapped the sheet with her hoof. "There you have it! Seriously, Bon Bon, are you blind?"

"I'd trade it just to be deaf right now."

"Lookie here!" Lyra held the pamphlet out to Rainbow Dash. "Live at the Las Pegasus Desert Stadium! Total Neighing Action Wrestling! You get to have a bunch of meatheads bash each other's brains out in a square circle for your amusement!"

"Meh," Rainbow uttered.

"Come onnnnnnnn... this totally up your alley!" Lyra grinned devilishly. "Total Neighing Action is... like... where's it at! They've got the Sandmane performing two nights from now! Now who doesn't like the Sandmane?"

"Actually, Lyra," Caramel spoke. "The Sandmane is Extreme Championship Whinnying."

Lyra gawked at the stallion. "How in Equestria do you know that?"

"Hmmmm..." Caramel sighed daintily, his ears drooping. "I'm no more proud of the fact than you are."

"Anyways, Rainbow, there's gotta be chairshots for sure." Lyra smirked. "So, whaddya say?"

Silence. And then:

"Meh."

Lyra tossed the pamphlet. "Whelp, I tried." She folded her forelimbs and sat back beside Bon Bon. "How about we tie her down to the railroad tracks so we can give her fragile skull a real vacation on the return trip?"

"Now now, Lyra..." Bon Bon waved a hoof. "If this is Rainbow Dash's chance to relax and enjoy herself, then she should do so on her own time! We can't dictate her itinerary to her." Bon Bon smiled at the pegasus. "How about it, Rainbow? What would you most like to do for the entirety of our stay over in Las Pegasus?"

"Mrmmfff... do we get separate bedrooms?"

Vinyl looked up. "Uhhh. Yeah. That's part of the ticket. For sure."

Rainbow closed her eyes with a sigh. "A nice... long sleep would be nifty."

Bon Bon blinked. "..." She glanced aside. "You know, Lyra, I think I'm starting to warm up to your 'tying-to-the-railroad-tracks-idea.'"

"Mrmmmff... everypony hates a copycat."

Challenges

Rainbow Dash marched into the dining car, wobbling slightly from the jerks in the coach. She found a narrow bar surrounded by tiny eating tables, and she sat on a stool.

A server on the other side finished washing a plate and leaned over. "What can I get for you, Miss?"

"Yes. Hi. I'm... uhm..." Rainbow rubbed her head. "...I'm part of some... Platinum Card Dining Plan thingy?"

"Ah..." The stallion smiled. "You're with DJ-P0N3's party!"

"Yeesh..." Rainbow grimaced, still rubbing her head. "Does the whole friggin' railroad know about us?"

"Every employee on board is thoroughly informed about VIP passengers so that we may more properly facilicate your comfort and—"

"Yeah yeah, whatever. So I hear you don't serve alcoholic beverages on board."

"I'm afraid not, ma'am. It's regulation."

"Well... do you have anything... apple-flavored at all?"

"Most definitely!" He raised a hoof and spun towards the miniature refrigerator. "A tall glass of apple juice, coming right up."

"Yeah... that'll do..." Rainbow slumped so that she rested her head in her hooves. "That'll do that'll do that'll do..."

Not long after, another set of hooves trotted into the place. A body sat on the stool right beside her.

"Uhm... a pineapple smoothie, if you don't mind. Platinum Card holder. Coach Three?"

"Sure thing! I'll have that for you in a jiffy!"

"Mrmmmfff..." Rainbow muttered without looking, "Heya, girl."

"Heya, Rainbow." Caramel smiled as he rubbed his hooves together. "Vinyl says in about an hour we'll reach the desert! Should be a sight to see!"

"I've seen it," Rainbow Dash grumbled into her fetlocks. "It's full of buffalo."

"Uhm..." Caramel fidgeted in his stool. "...and there'll be mountains as well."

"Seen them. Also full of buffalo."

"Oh... well then..." Caramel looked down at the bar counter, wincing. "Oh dear..."

"Look, Caramel..." Rainbow sighed, sitting up. "I know that you and the other girls are trying to do something super nice for me. I really do. It's just..." She fidgeted. "...the place where I'm at in life... I... I-I just can't make myself happy on a dime!"

"Well, why do you think we're taking you some place fun and spontaneous?" Caramel broke a meager smile. "We're trying to perk you up."

"Sometimes, there is no 'perking up,'" Rainbow muttered. "And I'm too... me to bother faking it."

"We're not asking you to fake anything, Rainbow Dash." Caramel brushed his bangs back. "Just... have some faith, y'know? Maybe something really... really wonderful is going to happen to you out in Las Pegasus and bring some light into your life!"

"Not all of us have a super awesome envelope to look forward to opening, Caramel."

"Heeheeheehee..." Caramel's cheeks turned rosy as he glanced down at his fiddling fetlocks. "I promise. I won't ramble on anymore about that."

"Just what is it, anyway?"

"Uhm..." Caramel cleared his throat. "...the latest response from Canterlot Central Medical in regards to my first few payments."

"Oh?"

Caramel looked back in silence.

Rainbow blinked. Her ears twitched. "Ohhhhhhhhhhh..." She cleared her throat. "Well, uhm... congratulations in advance?"

"Mmmmm..." Caramel exhaled through a nervous smile. "Here's hoping."

Plink. A tall glass of apple juice was placed down before Rainbow Dash. "Here you go!" The server then slid a pineapple smoothe over towards Caramel. "And for you too, sir."

"Ma'am," Rainbow corrected.

The stallion blinked. "Huh?"

Rainbow waved. "Never mind. Carry on."

"Just holler if you need anything!" And he shuffled off to do the dishes.

Rainbow rotated the glass of apple juice around in her grasp. "So... uh..." She looked aside. "...assuming everything falls through, just... how long will you be gone for?"

"Hmmm?"

"I don't know much, but I hear it takes a long friggin' time."

Caramel nodded. "Preparing for it takes even longer." He gulped hard. "I... I-I started taking enchanted supplements f-five years ago."

"Five years?" Rainbow blinked. "Isn't that around the time you and your parents—?"

Caramel tensed slightly.

"Erm. Right. Got it." Rainbow stared into her drink. "That... uh... that's commitment right there, girl."

"Yeah." Caramel gulped. "But... you know... it always takes commitment."

Rainbow looked at him.

He looked back. "Getting somewhere you know you belong... even if you feel somewhat... comfortable on the outside... in the dark." He slowly shook his head. "But I'll be darned if I just let this life drift past me... and never be in a place where I can truly be happy... because I will have sacrificed who I am for some... diluted comfort. A false peace." He sighed, his eyes shut. "Sometimes the stuff you're tempted to settle for is the most painful."

"Hmmmff..." Rainbow nodded. "So, in other words... you'd say that making the effort to cross the distances necessary until you're happy is harder. A challenge?"

Caramel opened his eyes, and they were moist. "Changing can be very scary, Rainbow Dash. The only thing that helps is having friends... friends who know you inside and out." He exhaled. "That's... what we're trying to do here with you, Rainbow. We're trying to help you change. Because... we know that you're awesome... and you deserve to be someplace else... somepony else than where you've been stuck for so long."

Rainbow nodded. "Yeah. I guess... I could get behind that." She looked at Caramel, then at her apple juice. With a sudden shuffle, she swapped their drinks entirely. With a smirk, she raised the pineapple smoothie. "Here's to change... an awesome challenge if there ever was one."

"Hehehe..." Caramel raised the apple juice. "And here's to trips with even awesomer destinations."

"Amen."

They toasted. Clink. And Rainbow took a mighty sip of the smoothie.

That's when brain freeze did a waltz with her hangover.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaagh... jeeeeeeez..." Rainbow hung her head and pounded the bar counter. "Grnnnngh..."

"Oh snap!" Caramel winced, nearly spitting out apple juice. "Rainbow Dash, are you okay?"

"Grrrrrrngh... just... getting... awesomerrrrrrrrrr..."

The Goodest, the Cleanest

The door to the coach swished open. Rainbow Dash and Caramel stepped in.

"Heeeeeeeeey... Rainbow Dash!" Lyra smirked slyly. "How's sobriety?"

"I dunno." Rainbow sat down beside Vinyl. "How's my hoof up your butt?"

"And she's back, fillies and gentlecolts," Vinyl droned.

"I had a glass of apple juice!" Caramel sat down and smiled at Bon Bon. "It tasted like apples!"

"Great. Anyways." Bon Bon grinned. "I just figured out the best thing we can take Rainbow Dash to."

"A crematorium?" Lyra yawned.

"What is it, Bon Bon?" Caramel asked.

"Bob's Bit Bomb Emporium!" Bon Bon giggled. "It's the largest permanent fireworks shop in all of Equestria!"

"I'm surprised it's lasted this long," Vinyl said.

"I know, right!" Bon Bon looked at Rainbow Dash. "You like fireworks, don't you?"

"Isn't it... a bit dry for fireworks in Las Pegasus?" Rainbow Dash remarked. "I mean, I always sorta thought that... the only sparks that flew in that town were in cheap motel bedrooms."

"That can be arranged," Lyra said.

"Ugh..." Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "No it can't, Lyra."

"Sure it can!" Lyra sat up straight. "Just find the right bar. Sit in the right stool. And brush shoulders with the right mare!"

"Thanks, but honestly..." Rainbow Dash stretched, yawning. The landscape blurred darker and darker beyond the window as the day waned into evening. "...if I'm going to a bar, it's to get liquid. Not laid."

Lyra shrugged. "Your funeral. But I'm telling you, Rainbow. Ponies from all over the kingdom come to Las Pegasus so that they can have a night with a stranger that they'll always remember... just so that they can try super hard later on to forget it when they're out shopping with their spouse and foals."

"Egads, Lyra." Bon Bon shuddered. "Get your mind out of the gutter."

Lyra's eyes twinkled. "But it's so shiny there!"

"Can't we just have some nice clean fun together as friends?" Bon Bon remarked.

"When have we ever had some 'nice clean fun' together as friends?" Vinyl asked.

"Thank you, Miss Scratch!" Lyra said with a salute.

"Uhm..." Caramel broke a smile. "We could always try out the Equestrian Filly doll exhibit just outside of town. I hear their collection spans two stories!"

A beat.

"Yeah, you're right, Lyra." Bon Bon hung her head, blinking. "Strip clubs it is, then."

"Yeahhhhh boiiiiiiii!" Lyra side-hugged Bon Bon hard.

"Eeek!" Bon Bon giggled, playfully shoving the unicorn back. "Lyra! C-cut it out!"

"Say Dirty Uncle!"

"N-no!"

"Say it!"

"Heehee!"

Caramel and Vinyl chuckled.

Rainbow Dash smirked. She leaned back, folded her forelimbs, and—for the first time in hours—enjoyed a slow, calm breath.

Bunkies

Caramel yawned, his voice producing a tiny squeaking noise. He rubbed his eyes before climbing into his berth. "Okay, girls. Time to count sheep."

"Hmmmmm..." Bon Bon smiled at Lyra as she trotted across the sleeping coach. "Doesn't Caramel produce the cutest yawns?"

"Watch it, B-Squared," Lyra muttered, swinging the curtain to her berth open. "It'll go straight to her fluffy head."

"Remind me to work on a Dirty Bass Yawn Mix," Vinyl said, climbing into a compartment across the way.

"Oh yeah?" Rainbow squinted up at the unicorn. "What would you call it?"

"'Sunset On Planet Femme.'" Vinyl yanked her shades off, exposing a pair of thin, scrutinous, magenta eyes. "What do I look like, a genius?"

"So all you get paid for is record scratching."

"Don't let the secret get out." Vinyl grabbed her curtain. "I've got waaaaaaay too many patrons to lose. Ni-Ni."

"Ni-Ni, Vinyl," Caramel said from across the way, and both ponies shut their curtains with coordinated grace.

Lyra stood on a stool, glaring into her compartment. "Awwwwwwwwww Poop." She frowned. "King Poop and the Knights of the Round Crud."

Bon Bon looked up, blinking. "What's the matter?"

"The window's got a rattle to it. That crap's gonna keep me up allllll night."

"For real?" Rainbow asked.

"Hey. Don't diss the mind of a musician!" Lyra scowled at the other two. "I need a precise kind of evenly-paced rhythmic tapping to go to sleep to, not this... cacophonous bull hockey violating my earholes!"

"Oh! Well... uhm..." Bon Bon shifted from side to side. Then, after a sideways cough, she stood bird-hoofed and smiled up at the other mare. "I guess you could just use my berth!"

Lyra looked down at her. "Really?"

"Sure!"

"You're willing to switch bunks?"

"... ... ..." Bon Bon's smile stayed in place. "Yes! That's what I meant!" Her ears twitched. "Which is exactly why I said what I meant!"

"Cool. I mean... if you can live with this bedlam." Lyra hopped off the stool and made for Bon Bon's berth. She slapped the mare's shoulder along the way. "There. That's for good luck. Now the bed bugs won't have to bite."

"Yeah. Wouldn't that be a shame." Bon Bon exhaled. "To... be bitten in your sleep..."

"Whatever." And Lyra drew the curtains swiftly shut behind her. Schlunk!

Bon Bon stood in place, silent. Eventually, she glanced across the compartment.

Rainbow Dash stared silently back.

"Whew... long day, huh?" Bon Bon remarked. "Almost..." A winded sigh. "...makes you want to drop dead where you're standing..."

"Get your ass to bed," Lyra's voice grumbled from beyond the curtain.

Bon Bon cleared her throat. "Then again..."

"Good night, Bon Bon." Rainbow waved as she flapped her wings and ascended to her own bunk. "Should be a pleasant sleep... y'know... when one is not being abducted against her will."

"Yes. Uhm... definitely..."

Rainbow Dash climbed in. Crawling across the mattress, she turned around three times and prepared to lie down—

"And Rainbow?"

The pegasus looked up. "Hmmm?"

Bon Bon's head poked out of the curtains on her side. "You're going to have a fun time this week. I promise." A wink, and she turned off the lantern positioned next to her. As the compartment went dark, she shut the curtains and surrendered to the dull hush of the rushing train.

Rainbow closed her curtains as well. Legs and wings spread, she laid back lazily on her back. One sigh escaped her nostrils, followed by another. Slowly, she tilted her head back, gazing out the window with soft eyes.

An upside down desert rolled silently past her, melting into deep blue night.

"Hmmm... pretty chaotic, don't you think, Lancie?" Rainbow managed.

Silence.

A brief smile crossed Rainbow's lips. She savored it as long as she could, and soon her eyes closed.

D'oh!

SCREEEEEEEEEECH!

A shiny, twenty-ton locomotive engine came screaming to a hault. Steam and fireworks billowed from its four hundred wheels.

"Hoooraaaaay!" Everypony in Ponyville cheered. Pinkie Pie launched confetti. The Cutie Mark Crusaders tossed streamers. The Wonderbolts flew low overhead, setting off fireworks and sparklers. "Welcome back, Rainbow Dash!"

"She's here!" Twilight grinned. She shoved Trixie over with a grunt and stood on the edge of the tracks, bouncing up and down. "She's here she's here she's here!"

"Ohhhhhhh I do hope she doesn't make us all faint with her sheer awesomeness!" Rarity cooed.

"Shhhh!" Fluttershy hissed. "Quiet, everypony! She's about to step out!"

HISSSSSSSS! A titanium door unfolded twenty times. Glowing neon hoof-rails flanked a pegasus as she marched down the massive steps, wearing shades and a fur coat. Two buxom young unicorns flanked her sides, batting their eyelashes while levitating trays of cider.

"Oh my Celestia! She's even awesomer than I remembered!"

"Look at her! Now there's a pony who doesn't even need any trophies!"

"Yeah! She's a living golden medal!"

"Three cheers for Rainbow Dash!"

"Hip hip hooray!"

"Hip hip hooray!"

"Hip hip hooray!"

Rainbow Dash yawned. She waved a hoof before her gaping muzzle, flicked her shades off, and shrugged her shoulders towards the two mares. "Here. Hold this."

Cooing with delight, the sexy unicorns reliquished her of her coat.

"Thanks." Cracking her neck, Rainbow spun and sucker-punched a fiery dragon that was inexplicably lying in wait behind the railroad station. WHUD!

"Ugh!" The dragon reeled. "Such... a strong punch!" THUD!

Twilight gasped. "Oh wow! I didn't even realize he was there!"

"He could have burninated us all!" Pinkie squeaked.

"Oh Rainbow, darling!" Rarity rushed over, sliding on kneeling legs. "You're our hero yet again! I absolutely MUST sew you a pretty dress in celebration!"

"Shut up, Rarity," Rainbow grunted. "Go jump in a mud pile."

Rarity smiled as her eyes darted towards opposite horizons. "Okay, Rainbow Dash!" She galloped off the depot's edge and dove into a brown puddle. "Whatever you say—" SPLASH!

"Hooooraaaaaay!"

Rainbow cracked the joints in her neck and smirked at the crowd. "Hey, everypony. I'm back from Las Pegasus."

"And how was it, Rainbow Dash?!"

"Pretty sweet! I got laid. A lot. And then I got laid in between getting laid. And you know what? Pffft... whatever, am I right?"

Giggles and chuckles.

Rainbow smirked. She trotted down a line of happy Ponyvilleans.

"I'm so proud of you, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy said. "I'm sure your father would be too."

"Thanks, Flutters."

Stamps sniffled, sitting behind his desk. "You're the best employee who ever worked for Banner Company. Take the rest of the year off."

"Okay, Stamps, I think I will."

Zecora grinned from ear to ear. "Pancakes!"

"Later." Rainbow winked with a smile. "Lucky stripes."

"Howdy there, sugarcube," Applejack said, smirking.

Rainbow blinked. Clearing her throat, she shuffled forward. "Moving right along—"

"Howdy there, Rainbow," Stu Leaves said.

Pieces of the depot's roof peeled off. Rainbow bowed her head to the thunder clouds. Frowning, she moved on—

Next in line was a tiny pegasus with freckles. "Howdy, Rainbow!"

Rainbow blinked at her. "Uhhhmmm..." Her eyes narrowed. "And you are?"

"Oh, Rainbow, did we not introduce you?" Stu knelt beside the foal. "This is our daughter, Mary."

Rainbow blinked. "Your... daughter?"

"Eeyup!" Applejack leaned against a pillar. "Foaled her while you was off sippin' cider and sniffin' the saddles of street trollops! Ain't she a beaut?"

"We are so... soooo proud of her," Stu said, nuzzling the child. He then shuffled a few steps over and patted the head of another foal. "And this here is Mary the Second."

"Howdy, Rainbow!"

"And here we have Mary the Third."

"Howdy, Rainbow!"

"Mary the Fourth..."

"Howdy, Rainbow!"

"The Fifth..."

"Howdy!"

Rainbow's ears drooped. Slowly, reluctantly, she tilted her gaze towards the north. Her jaw dropped as she saw a sprawling wall of foals lined up, one after another, bordering an endless train station plaform that swam into the horizon and past it. Soon, the vanishing point bled into an apple orchard, but instead of red delicious fruit—countless bright-eyed smiling foals hung off the flouncing branches.

"Howdy, Rainbow!"

"Howdy, Rainbow!"

"Howdy, Rainbow!"

"Howdy, Rainbow!"

Rainbow was hyperventilating at this point. As the sea of Applejack's and Stu's children filled her ears with bedlam, she had no recourse but to tilt her head up.

In place of a sun, there was the slowly rotating head of a frizzle-maned chaperone. Epcot's tear-stained face pivoted to face Rainbow Dash, and her booming voice shook the foundations of Equestria: "This holiday season, look forward to Mission Space as your new pavilion—"

And that's precisely when everything exploded, tossing a bevy of grinning foals into the air.

"Next stop!"

"Guh!" Rainbow shot up so hard that her head hit the top of her berth. "Augh!" She winced, rubbing her foggy skull. "Owwwwwww..."

"Next stop, Las Pegasus, fillies and gentlecolts! Las Pegasus, next stop!"

The windows rattled from the sound of screeching brakes. Rainbow felt a lurch as her periperal vision caught the desert landscape blurring to a slow stop outside.

"Nnnngh..." She sat up, rubbing her head. With a sigh, she muttered. "Well... gotta admit... I've dreamt worse..."

Upper and Lower

"Whew!" Bon Bon exclaimed, trotting briskly onto a sidewalk. "What a breeze!" She lifted her muzzle towards the orange sky. "I wasn't expecting that!"

"Yeah, B-Squared," Lyra remarked. "The desert isn't all hot, y'know."

"Wait until it's nighttime," Vinyl droned, resting her headphones around her neck. The group shuffled down a line of shopping malls connected to the main station. "You'll want to be inside for when that happens. Trust me."

"Still, such... such a refreshing sensation!" Bon Bon remarked.

"Heh... this dry-as-crud air?" Lyra smirked. "It won't be 'refreshing' for much longer. Trust me."

"I should have brought something breezy! Like a sundress!" She winced, glancing behind her. "That reminds me, Vinyl. Where's your stuff?"

"Hmmm?"

"You know... your instruments and turntable and—"

"Oh. They should be arriving via pegasus shipping," Vinyl said.

"Really?" Rainbow asked, floating above the group. "Did you order through Banner Company?"

"Nah. A Fillydelphia group," Vinyl explained. "Farrier and Son."

"Heh..." Rainbow smirked. "Not a bad choice."

"Wait..." Bon Bon's muzzle scrunched. "How come you airlifted your equipment and yet you took the train?"

"Mrmmfff..." Vinyl shuffled in mid-step. "I hate flying."

"Pffft..." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Go figure."

"Would you like to call a cab?" Lyra remarked.

"We don't have to be at the hotel for a few hours, and this is kinda/sorta you guys' vacation," Vinyl said, shrugging. "We can hoof it. I mean... what's the hurry?"

"I know! I know!" Caramel bounced and skipped, grinning. "Eee-hee-hee! I wanna see the neon lights and cloud projections and strobing fountains—"

"Uhh... Caramel?" Lyra frowned. "It's daytime, Einstallion."

"Erm... right..." Caramel's tail and ears drooped. "But... uhm... they start projecting stuff on the clouds before sunset, r-right?"

"See for yourself," Vinyl said, pointing forward.

As Caramel peered, Rainbow Dash squinted.

Just over the nearest concrete ridge of shopping malls, the urban heart of Las Pegasus proper loomed. Rainbow Dash saw a myriad of thick looming hotels—most of them congregating in two or three dense lines along the once barren desert valley. Off towards the east, bordering the dead center of the sprawl, there stood an enormously tall tower. The elaborately curved structure needled its way towards the sky... where it met a perfectly round disc of densely-packed clouds. It was difficult to see from their location, but if Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes just right she could spot the summits of several skyscrapers balanced atop the stationary cloud city itself.

"Oh wow... it's even bigger than I thought it was!" Caramel cooed. He pointed excitedly. "Can... can we actually go up there?"

"I don't see why not," Vinyl remarked. "Unicorns have worked with pegasi to make Upper LP accessible to non-winged ponies over the years. I think they call it... the Hover District?"

"That true, Rainbow Dash?" Bon Bon asked.

"How should I know?" Rainbow Dash shrugged in mid-glide. "I was foaled in Cloudsdale. Just because I'm a pegasus doesn't mean I know every flying city inside and out." She took a breath, smiling slightly. "Still, from the look of it... I'd say it's pretty cool."

"I'm partial to Lower LP myself," Vinyl said. "It's where my gig is tonight."

"And our hotel too, I trust?" Bon Bon said.

"Mmmhmmm."

"Well, I suppose we could save Upper Las Pegasus for tomorrow." Bon Bon looked ahead at her lime green friend. "What do you say, Lyra?"

"I gotta piss like there's no tomorrow. Where's a friggin' Taco Buck?"

Bon Bon sighed through a tired smile. "Well... at least this stroll will be good on the eyes."

What's In a Name?

No matter how many times Rainbow Dash blinked, she couldn't spot the Las Pegasus she knew from postcards. She and her friends trotted down the Main Strip. Everywhere the mare looked, all she saw was pavement and steel. Occasionally they'd stroll past a large courtyard flanked with palm trees and fountains, but for the most part it was asphalt, asphalt, and more asphalt.

If anything attracted Rainbow's eyes, it was the copious amount of tourist traps. Countless shopping centers and plazas had been squeezed between the towering hotels, and every window was brightly colored with slot machine and playing card motifs. The further the group progressed into the downtown area, the more pristine and shiny the buildingfaces. Here, the sidewalks were clean, and a relatively pleasant smell wafted from the hotel entrances.

In the hot desert sun, taxis and shuttles pulled by swift ponies whizzed by. Every so often, Rainbow would witness a flock of pegasi drawing a passenger cart skyward. These transports followed the tall central tower of the Las Pegasus skyline, spiraling their way upwards until they reached the bottom gray cloudbeds of the upper city. There, tiny slivers of the cloudstone had been opened, allowing transports to enter and exit. Rainbow never studied up on the architecture of Upper Las Pegasus; she could only guess that solid concrete platforms hovered up there through the assistance of helium, magic, and other things that... she was at a loss to speculate at that moment.

"Say, what's that over there?" Caramel asked, pointing at what looked like a glass arch covering a space between moderately high hotels.

"Mmmm... that?" Bon Bon blinked. "Say... isn't that—?"

"That's Freemane Street," Vinyl droned.

"That's Freemane Street?!" Caramel beamed, ears twitching. "Ohmigosh! Ohmigosh! I... I-I had no idea they covered it up!"

"About two decades ago," Vinyl said. "They have these mana-powered projectors that broadcast all sorts of interesting images and light-shows across the ceiling. At night, they close the street to traffic and allow visitors to trot around freedly. They call it the 'Freemane Street Experience.'"

"Cooooooooool..." Caramel cooed.

"What in Tartarus is so big about Freemane Street?" Lyra muttered.

"Why... it's only what got Las Pegasus started!" Bon Bon exclaimed.

"Lower Las Pegasus," Vinyl corrected.

"Meh. Big whoop," Lyra droned.

"Lyra, I'm surprised at you!" Bon Bon smiled. "A mare as cultured as you would have a greater respect for urban history, wouldn't you think?"

"I'm a musician, Bon-Squared," Lyra said. "And as far as history goes, I know for a fact that a ton of classic singers and instrumentalists died in mysterious zeppelin crashes destined for this town." She snorted. "In ways that have absolutely nothing to do with the mob, I'm sure."

"That tower," Caramel said, pointing at the tower in the center of town. "That leads to Upper Las Pegasus, isn't it?"

"That's right!" Bon Bon grinned. "And Upper LP is where all of the really snazzy sights of this town is!"

"How are we gonna get up there?" Rainbow Dash asked. "I mean... pffft... I could go up there anytime, obviously. But do we have to grab a winged taxi for the rest of you girls?"

"Not tonight," Vinyl calmly said. "I have a session to perform at. Tomorrow is the earliest we can venture above the clouds."

"Eeeeeeeee!" Caramel hopped besides Bon Bon, smiling from ear to ear. "I can't wait!"

"Just where's the hotel anyways?" Rainbow asked. "Where we're staying, I mean."

"Funny you should ask." Vinyl pointed across the immediate intersection. "There she is... Equestria's capital for the underground gothic underground techno scene."

The other ponies squinted to see.

"'Mortuana?'" Lyra remarked.

"Uh huh."

Lyra huffed. "What kind of sucky name is that?"

"One that makes more money than you'll ever see."

"Meh. I can sleep in a coffin tonight if I have to." Lyra pointed across the street. "Come on, gals. Bring out your dead."

Tack It On

"Welcome to the Crypts of Mortuana," droned a receptionist with eyeshadow, pale coat, and even more eyeshadow. She wore a black dress with multiple lace ribbons and tiny equine skulls dangling from the collar. "Where the living get lucky and the dead even luckier. Are you seeking to be entombed on this bleak day?"

"Well, actually, I'm registered for a tenth story room," Vinyl Scratch said. She stood with her friends in the dimly-lit lobby of the first floor. Fake cobblestone flooring and brick walls were illuminated by tacky wooden torches. The distant sounds of rolling slot machines pierced an ever-permeating howl of artificially generated banshees and spooks through the hotel's sound system. "VIP Section. The name is Scratch... Vinyl Scratch. I bet you'll find my file under tonight's entertainment: DJ-P0N3."

"Ah." The employee's voice lilted ever so slightly. "The deliverer of tonight's festive funeral dirge."

"Eugh..." Lyra facehoofed. "Goddess."

Bon Bon giggled.

"Hey... uhm..." Caramel leaned towards Rainbow Dash, squinting across the lobby. "Are those the bathrooms?"

Rainbow Dash nodded as she hovered. "Yeah. Look like it."

"The doors are labeled 'Stiffs' and 'Cadavers.'" Caramel sighed, ears drooping. "As if public restrooms didn't stress me enough..."

"Here we are, Madame Scratch," the receptionist produced a set of keys. "Room 10-C, Luxury Suites. And you may be pleased to know that your luggage was delivered there an hour ago."

"Kickflank." Vinyl levitated the keys with a nod. "Looks like the manager pulled some strings."

"We're always happy to extend our coldest crypts to the musicians of the night," the receptionist droned, batting an eyelash with spiderweb markings. "Oh... and before I forget." She hoofed over a couple of round chips. "Compliments of the house."

"Hey!" Bon Bon cradled the items in question. "Snazzy!"

Lyra yawned. "I'm surprised she didn't pull that out of a tracheotomy scar."

"Ew, Lyra."

"Crawling with—I dunno—gothic millipedes or something."

"Ew again." Bon Bon groaned, trotting alongside Vinyl. "Let's just get to our room already. I need a shower—" Just as she and Vinyl rounded a pillar, a ceramic ghost stuck out—accompanied by a shrieking sound effect. "Aaaack!"

"Hahahaha!" Rainbow Dash laughed.

"Oh... and be wary of mischievous spirits," the receptionist droned from a distance. "Or else they will follow you all the way to your rooOooOooOoom." A beat. "Have a miserable day."

"Hmmm..." Lyra smirked. "Catchy."

"Grnnngh..." Bon Bon frowned, still catching her breath. "I am not amused."

"Could we go now, please?" Caramel asked. "I could really use that shower too."

"Hey..." Lyra winked. "When you visit the desert, the desert visits you back, no what I'm saying?"

"...no?"

"Eh..." Lyra waved a hoof. "Go huff on lavender."

"I'd like to see the sights of this town, personally," Rainbow said. "My wings need a good stretch."

"Do whatever you like. Me?" Vinyl pivoted about. "I gotta survey the dance hall. Here." She floated the keys over to Bon Bon. "Check on the hotel and my luggage for me. Is that cool?"

"Positively frosty, Vinyl," Bon Bon said.

"I dunno about you, but I'd be more than happy to get this gig out of the way." Vinyl shuddered, trotting towards the opposite end of the lobby. "These poor plebeian saps need a good healthy dosage of Neigh Inch Nails, and I'm the mare to deliver it to them..."

"You do that," Rainbow said, waving. She turned towards the others. "So... onwards and upwards?"

"Yes. Let's hurry." Bon Bon shuffled ahead, heading straight for an elevator. "Before a bunch of employees decide to recruit us for a touristy sacrifice." A screaming plastic skeleton popped out of a wall panel. "AAACK!"

Lyra laughed.

The Grape Wing

"What's taking you so long, Bon Bon?" Lyra grumbled.

"Look." Bon Bon fumbled and fumbled before a door. "Turning a key with your hooves is... super hard."

"Shoulda just handed it over to me."

"Can't let you do everything this vacation."

"Yes you can."

"I want you to relax! I want everypony to relax!"

"How can we relax if we can't even open the damn door?"

"I'm working on it! Stop crowding me!"

"But you're so squishy, though."

"Eugh..." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Get a room you two... owait."

"Say, is it just me...?" Caramel peered down the corridor of the tenth floor. "...or is it kinda misty in these hallways?"

"I think..." Rainbow's ears twitched to the sound of a distant, cheap, Nightmare Night ghost howl persistently warbling against the walls of the place. "...they've got a fog machine built up here."

"Sweet Celestia. At this rate, the beds are going to be filled with rubber spiders."

"Sounds like my trip to Fillyda all over again."

"Ah-HA!" Bon Bon grinned wide as she opened the door and shuffled on through. "Told you it wouldn't take long!"

"Liar," Lyra grumbled.

"Oh just relax, will you?" Bon Bon stuck her tongue out before leading the way forward. "Let's just enjoy the fruits of our travel."

"Yeah right," Lyra droned. "Unless this is the legendary room that Elvis Prancely died in, I suspect we'll be in for a let down—" Lyra's amber eyes bulged. "Holy shit."

"OooOooOooOooh..." Caramel cooed, his eyes sparkling.

"Eeee!" Bon Bon squee'd, pausing to squeeze her grinning cheeks together.

The suite opened up like a royal palace's atrium. Brick walls and brick pillars framed a round sitting area that then descended into a cocktail room with fuzzy purple carpet. Velvet couches with purple satin pillows lingered next to a grand piano with a coat of violet varnish. Royal purple curtains lined the windows, dimming the indigo shades of the spacious interior from the hot Las Pegasus sun. In fact, the entire suite looked as though a gigantic grape exploded and stained every square inch of the pristine interior. Thanks to the smattering of gothic architecture and decorations all throughout, the rooms gave the distinct impression of the cushioned interior of a coffing... or a hearse.

"I-I think I've died!" Bon Bon whimpered, eyes watering. "Died and gone to death heaven!"

"How many friggin' rooms are in this place?" Lyra wheezed.

"Three... four... five—no wait, that's the bathroom." Rainbow blinked. "Two bathrooms?"

"Buck me." Lyra ran her hoof across a few piano keys. "If Vinyl gets this kind of stuff complimentary, then why in Tartarus does she hang out with a bunch of losers like us?"

"Gotta hoof it to the mare." Bon Bon said, still reeling. "She's humble."

"She's stupid, is what she is. With high rolling rewards like this, she could be bumping drinking elbows with Prince Blueblood."

"Prince Blueblood would probably hit on her."

"So? She could hit him back! Piledriver him straight through a friggin' table then put it on her tab."

"Eeeeeeeee!" Caramel spun in the center of the room. "I feel... I feel..."

"Don't you bucking say it—"

"...just like a princess!"

"Eughhh..." Lyra face-hoofed.

"Heeheehee!"

"Glad you like it, Caramel," Bon Bon said with a wink.

"Mrmmmmfff..." Rainbow Dash bit her lip as she lifted her hooves above the fuzzy carpet.

"Not a fan of the opulence, Rainbow Dash?" Bon Bon asked.

"It's... a bit much."

"You said you wanted to stretch your wings. Why not do it here? Hehe... from the looks of things, you could reenact your Ghastly Gorge run!"

"Thanks, but no thanks. I really gotta get a feel for this town. Where's the balcony?"

"Swing a dead cat and I bet you'll find it," Lyra said.

"Over there, Rainbow." Caramel said, pointing at a sliding glass window. "Right past the—oh... is that a wine cooler?"

"Right." Rainbow Dash waved, hovering across the room. "Take it easy, girls. I gotta shake some of this luxury off."

"Be sure to get back in time to catch Vinyl's show!" Bon Bon said.

"Oh, I wouldn't dream of missing it."

"Hmmmm..." Bon Bon smiled, trotting towards the nearest bathroom. "Time for that shower. Heeeee... I can't wait to see what kind of facilities they have in here. It'll be the first time in my life I've been treated like royalty—"

"WRIIIIIII!" A plastic ghost descended from the doorframe.

"AAAACK!" Bon Bon fell onto the fuzzy carpet.

Cheap and Easy

The suite's sliding door opened with a smooth schwissh and Rainbow Dash was immediately engulfed by a hot wave of dry air.

"Ohhhh boy..." Rainbow's ears instantly drooped as she trudged out onto the superheated balcony. "There it is." She gulped, already anticipating voluminous bulbs of sweat along her neck and forehead. "Why even have a balcony to this thing?" She glanced up at the upper lengths of the towering hotel—which was a great deal narrower than the rest of the structure below the tenth floor. Glass windows nearly blinded Rainbow from reflected sunlight. "Guess the rich wanna die in style."

Her eyes peered up—if only to avoid the murderous glare. The sky was a dull, depressing gray. This was due to the virtually opaque cloudbeds of Upper Las Pegasus forming a perfect circle up above. Even then, countless streams of pegasus-drawn chariots and miniature zeppelins cruised in and out of the narrow opening hugging the central stalk of a space needle piercing the cloudstone material.

"Snazzy," Rainbow said... then threw herself off the balcony.

She twirled with a yawn, spread her wings, and smirked slightly as she caught a hot breeze between buildings. With effortless pivots of her feathers, the mare lifted herself and evened out. Soon she was flying south at a fifth floor cruise. The streets below were jam-packed with carriages and stagecoaches. The smooth concrete buildingfaces echoed with the bedlam of urbanity.

For the most part, Las Pegasus felt like a tiny thunk of Manehattan had been dropped smack-dab in the middle of an arid desert. The buildings towering here had a great deal less age and personality to them—at least until Rainbow Dash made it onto the Main Strip, as it was so called. Here, several tourist traps of epic proportion stretched high with glittery opulence. Many casinos were framed in geometric gold bands that gave them an immaculate shine. Kaleidoscopic bands of light danced against the streets and concrete from the desert sun shining against so many immaculate windows.

Rainbow passed by a peculiar building shaped like a gigantic glass pyramid. The top portion of it was capped off in what the pegasus guessed was highly enchanted manastone.

"Bet that's a real treat after sunset." She looked to her left, squinting at a pair of stallions illustrated across another hotel's gigantic banner. "Oh hey. Pony and Trotter... performing nightly. Bet Trixie would like that." She looked to her right. "Huh... 'The Titaneigh Experience?' Uh, yeah... no thanks."

The mare made a hard turn, flew between two pegasus-drawn carriages, and glided past a familiar set of towering structures. Rainbow had to look twice... thrice... but soon realized she was just looking at a small scale replica of some of Manehattan's most famous landmarks.

"Hope you're doing well for yourself, Fraulein Finish," she murmured to the hot winds. She looked down one of the districts she was flying past, and she caught sight of the arched rooftop to Freemane Street. "So... I don't get it. Is it all about the gambling? Just... seems like a bunch of tourist trap stuff to me." A sigh. "Maybe I gotta be middle-aged to dig it or something."

Loud screams lit her ear.

"...?" Rainbow Dash peered up.

She was passing the thick gray stalk of the city's space needle. High above, she spotted an open space in the gray cloud. Through this, she caught sight of the summit of the tower. Inexplicably, a miniature roller coaster had been constructed on the very top of the scraper, along with several other carnival-styled thrill rides. Ponies yelled their lungs out in terrified delight as they were flung around the very brink of a deathly fall.

"Heh... okay... that's pretty nifty." The mare smirked slightly to herself. "Guess this place has got some teeth to it after all." After she said that, she looked down.

Her eyes blinked heavily.

A carriage sat parked in a drive-thru to a building made to look like a tiny tacky replica of Canterlot City. An old stallion wearing black with a white collar stuck his head out of the drive-thru window. He held his hoof up, murmuring something. In the meantime, two young ponies in the carriage's back seat held each other's hooves, wearing tropical t-shirts and short-shorts. They both smiled gleefully, and as soon as the old stallion was done speaking, the couple kissed each other. A hoof band was passed between them, and soon the carriage-driver sped off while the freshly married youngsters squealed in delight.

Rainbow blinked again. "Grnnnnngh..." Her ears drooped as she flew limply off, frowning. "Who am I kidding. This place sucks..."

Yarr

Rainbow Dash sat on a street lamp, legs dangling, slurping on the straw of a soda cup.

Just forty feet away from her, beyond a thickly gathered crowd of tourists, there was a large hotel fountain. Two vintage pirate ships "waded" in the shallow waters, and several stallions in old century gear were ravenously swashbuckling with one another.

The ponies flanking the fountain "ooh'd" and "aah'd" as the free entertainment carried on into sunset. Under the shadow of a high rise hotel, pyrotechnics went off in bright bursts of orange and gold. Random pirates let loose whinnying screams as they fell off the decks of the ships, flailed through the air, and plunged into the waters below.

"Heh..." Rainbow Dash swallowed a gulp of soda and smirked. "Cool."

Cannons "fired" at one another, resulting in even brighter discharges of controlled flame between the two pirate ships. At last, the good guys were victorious, and they waved a golden flag in place of the horse skull and crossbones that the villains had been flying all day.

Soon after, the lead stunt stallion approached the edge of the ship and took a bow.

The public audience cheered and stomped their hooves.

Rainbow cradled her cup in her wings and clapped her fetlocks together. "Y'know... not half bad for being free."

The stallion addressed the crowd. Rainbow couldn't hear his words from the roaring applause. But he evidently made an introduction with a noble wave of the hoof. Just then, a series of megaspeakers blared to life. Not long after, several shiny mares in skimpy two-piece outfits sauntered onto the pirate stage.

Rainbow spat out her soda. The cup fell limply from her feathery grip as she nearly teetered off the lamppost. "H-holy crud..."

A heavy bass beat reverberated over the sound of nearby traffic. Soon the speakers were crackling forth a sensual, warbling pop song while the stallion and the lustfully dressed mares gyrated together in a poor, sweaty excuse for a dance number.

"Uhhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash swallowed a lump down her throat—only for it to rise back up. She squirmed nervously atop the lamppost. "Uhhhhhhhhhhh..."

Cat calls and whistles echoed from the crowd.

The mares on stage paused in mid-dance to blow kisses. Two grinning entertainers pivoted about, embraced one another, and leaned their soft fuzzy muzzles together—

"H-Hey! Rainbow!" Bon Bon's voice traveled upwards like a knife. "Fancy meeting you here!"

"Guhhhhhhhhhh—!" Rainbow Dash curled up, nearly plummeting off the lamppost again. She flashed a wide-eyed glance down. "I wasn't meeting anypony! I sw-swear!"

"Relax! You're here to enjoy yourself, aren't you?" Bon Bon smiled while Lyra and Caramel shuffled about, distracted. "Anyways, the girls and I were gonna hit the strip for a snazzy restaurant before heading back to Mortuana for Vinyl's session! You wanna come?"

"Ermmmm..." Rainbow cleared her throat, pensively back at the pirate stage. "...maybe..."

"Even if you're not hungry, we'd love to have your company!" Caramel chirped.

"Oh! Sure! I'd love to eat out!" Rainbow coughed. "At... a restaurant." She smiled, twitching. "With friends."

"Hehehe! Then what are you waiting for?" Bon Bon bounced along. "Come down from there and join us, silly pony! Our vacation officially starts tonight! Woo!"

"Egads..." Lyra droned, limping after the other two with a dull grin. "Those endorphins are going to murder my blood sugar."

"Uh... I'll be with you in a minute! I promise!" Rainbow Dash took several deep breaths. "Okay, girls. Work with me here." Her muzzle tensed as she strained. "Grnnnnnngh..." Finally, after much effort, her wings flapped fluidly at her command. "Whew..." she flew after the trio in an easy glide, leaving the pyrotechnics and lycra behind.

Booth'd

"Sweet Celestia!" Lyra wheezed.

Across the booth from her, Bon Bon and Caramel jolted. "What is it?" Caramel stammered.

Lyra's amber eyes traveled up and down the contents of an unfolded menu in her hooves. "The prices of these entrees are larger than a buffalo's—"

"Lyra," Bon Bon grumbled.

The unicorn looked across the table. "What? I was going to say 'headdress.'"

"Whew..." Bon Bon smiled as she looked at her own menu. "For a second there, I thought you had lost all common decency."

"These dessert prices, however..." Lyra smirked. "Run deeper than a few whale penises I've read about in my day."

"Eughhh..." Bon Bon covered her face with the menu. "I swear. Why do I bother taking you anywhere."

"Pffft. Relax, B-Squared," Lyra droned, flipping the menu around. "This is Las Pegasus. I'm sure far worse things have been spoken aloud here every day over the last few decades."

"Yeah, isn't this the town where Barnette and Clydesdale were killed?" Caramel remarked.

"Don't believe everything you've seen in the movies, girl."

"Even still..." Caramel shrugged. "...I know all about the pony mafia stories."

"Pony mafia hail mostly from Manehattan," Rainbow Dash muttered.

"You sure about that?"

Rainbow nodded. "Pretty sure."

"You stopped looking at the menu, Rainbow," Bon Bon remarked. "Did you choose something that quickly?"

"Lyra's right about one thing. These prices are freaky high." Rainbow looked over her shoulder at the far end of the bustling, high-class restaurant. "Couldn't we have just gone to an IBOP? There was one down the street; I swear it."

"International Barn of Pancakes?" Bon Bon's muzzle scrunched. "Ew... the only thing I want dancing at Vinyl's session later tonight is my hooves, not my stomach." She pointed at the menu. "Don't worry about the prices. This is supposed to be an experience. Besides, it's my treat."

"Oye." Lyra blinked. "You crazy, girl? I thought Rainbow here was the suicidal one."

"Hardy har..."

"I've been saving up for a lavish vacation for a long time now," Bon Bon said with a smile. "Order up. It's okay. I've got this."

"Well, in that case..." Lyra licked her lips, eyeing the menu again. "I think I just might try my hoof at some Stirropean Asparagus."

"As if you couldn't get any greener," Caramel said with a giggle.

"You sure about this, Bon Bon?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Losing money doesn't... exactly sound like an ideal vacation."

"It's either food or gambling." Bon Bon winked. "Here, there are less tears involved. Hehe... besides... I don't mind treating my friends. It's a real joy."

"What about Vinyl? You going to treat her later?"

"Hmmmmm..." Bon Bon smiled coyly. "I should have enough bits to hire a stripogram."

"Pfffft!" Caramel spat.

"What, are you stupid?" Lyra raised an eyebrow. "The damn mare's asexual."

"So what? We'll put a turntable in bikini briefs and spin it around."

"Hah!" Lyra smirked as she re-gripped the menu. "I'm liking what this town is doing to you already."

"You'll like me even better after midnight."

"Okay, folks..." Rainbow turned her menu around. "Where on this thing are the cold beverages?"

Preview

Rainbow Dash finished munching on another bite of hay alfredo. Swallowing, she looked across the table at Caramel. "So... uhm... how long does this procedure take?"

"Well, it doesn't happen overnight exactly," Caramel replied. He picked slowly at his food, fidgeting in his seat. "Years ago, when Canterlot physicians first... experimented... they tried doing singular sessions but they proved taxing to both the patient and the surgeons." He delicately cleared his throat. "So these days, instead, they conduct the procedure in sessions... usually four or five of them... spread out across a two week period."

"That..." Bon Bon blinked. "...sounds grueling."

"Yes, it's... very... very intense." Caramel gulped. "And expensive." He looked up with a fragile smile. "But it's okay. I've been... saving up all my adult life, really."

"Heh..." Bon Bon smiled as she dug a fork into her plate. "It's a good thing I'm treating tonight, then."

"Mrmmmfff..." Lyra munched on asparagus. "So what do they do, exactly? Aim a bunch of horn at your crotch and un-junk it?"

"Lyra..." Bon Bon sighed.

"No. For real, though." Lyra raised an eyebrow. "I really wanna know."

"It's okay," Caramel spoke. "She's... not entirely off. The spells are localized at first for the most intense portions of the surgery. Then, towards the last session or two, a high-level transformation spell is applied. The previous sessions' enchantments are triggered, and in the end... a patient comes out completely different than how they first entered the facility."

"Heh... sounds like an adventure and a half," Rainbow Dash remarked. "You nervous?"

Caramel gulped.

"Guess that about answers that."

"I'm... more nervous thinking about a life where I can't be... you know... me." Caramel managed a smile. "It's a tough hurdle... but one I'm willing to cross."

"Yeah, but two weeks?"

"Mmmm... that's just the actual surgery period," Caramel explained. "If somepony's very serious about this, they have to plan for years and then go in for over a month of intense therapy." He softly cleared his throat. "I've been... planning for a long... long time."

"But when it is the surgery period," Bon Bon spoke, blinking in concern. "Just how long will you have to go as... as... uhm..." She fidgeted. "Oh dear..."

"Heh. I know." Caramel nodded. "I find the idea unsettling too. But... as far as I'm concerned... I'll still be who I am on the inside. Even if my outside will be in flux for a little while."

"Must make going to the bathroom real interesting," Rainbow remarked.

"Oh, believe me. There are details. But you wouldn't want to hear about them over dinner."

"No, it's fine, Caramel," Bon Bon said. "Who else are you going to talk about this with?"

"It involves colostomy bags."

Bon Bon dropped her fork, then took a deep sip of her beverage. Afterwards, she exhaled, "I see..."

"I've got one question," Lyra said.

Caramel nodded. "Shoot."

"When all of this is over and done with, and the unicorn magic has prettied you up—inside and out... just how much of those insides can bring something out?"

"... ... ...huh?"

Lyra snapped into another stalk of asparagus and blurted: "Can you get knocked up?"

"Lyra..." Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "Honestly."

"Uhm..." Caramel fidgeted in his seat, eyes on the table. "...the nature of... transformative magic is pretty advanced in our day and age." He gulped. "But not that advanced. From what's been explained to me in multiple doctor's visits... I'll basically look and feel just like you... Bon Bon... Rainbow and Vinyl..." He smiled tenderly. "But that's as far as the magic goes."

"No... complimentary ovaries come with the package?"

"Eheh..." Caramel brushed at his bangs. "Hypothetically speaking, that would involve a donor, and Equestria science isn't ready to experiment with that... either magically or morally." He cleared his throat. "What the surgeons will do is essentially use their magic to reconstitute my organic body into a different shape. It'll be real—from a flesh and blood perspective. But... that's as far as magic can go these days."

"Well, hey..." Lyra shrugged. "Seems like a fair trade-off to me." Lyra winked at Bon Bon. "Bet there are some aspects you'll be glad to not have to deal with."

Caramel's ears drooped as he looked aside.

Lyra blinked. "Really?" She bit her lip. "Damn..."

"I'm not doing this just because I want to fit into a mare's saddle better, Lyra," Caramel said. "Since day one, it's been the wrong glove. And... and I have the opportunity now to make most of it right... but... but not all of it." He sighed. "So, yeah... damn."

Rainbow Dash glanced back and forth. "Well... to Tartarus with all of the melancholic details." She saluted from across the table. "What happens in Las Pegasus stays in Las Pegasus, right?" A wink. "So consider this your way of leaving 'Caramel' behind for good. How's that for a happy thought to fly with?"

Caramel exhaled. "Yeah..." A warm smile crossed his cheeks. "Yeah... that's... pretty happy."

"Just don't leave 'Caramel' lying across the hotel bathroom floor," Lyra droned. "I make a lot of trips to the toilet at night and I don't want to be tripping on something hairy."

"Heh..." Caramel took a sip of his drink. "Stole the words right out of my muzzle."

Final Dashination

"Lyra? Honestly, darling..." Bon Bon quivered in mid-step. "...can we talk about something else?"

"Nah, I think it's really, truly relevant!" Lyra smiled as she trotted briskly down the sidewalk. The Strip of Lower Las Pegasus glittered around them now that the sun had gone down. Casino lights flickered, cycling through gold and reds and blues. Brightly-lit fountains shot up and down as they passed a particularly large establishment with a grand artificial lake. "We're going to a gothic underground dance party, aren't we? So... let's get into the spirit of things! How do each of you think you're going to kick the bucket someday?"

"Mrmmffff..." Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "Listening to you wax dark and poetic."

"Cute. Caramel?"

The stallion shrugged softly. "Uhm... I always thought that I'd meet my end in a dark alley."

"We're talking death scenarios, not fantasies."

"Heh..." Caramel bore a wry smirk. "Well, I... uh... suppose if one of the surgeons' horns slips and shoots an enchanted beam of magic into the wrong nerve, it could render me a vegetable."

"Sweet Celestia!" Bon Bon looked back at him, gasping. "Can that actually happen?!"

"Erm... the paperwork says there's a zero point zero zero two percent chance. But that's still zero point zero zero two percent more than I'm comfortable with."

"I knew life being a mare was tough," Lyra said. "But becoming one sounds even tougher."

"Eh..." Caramel shrugged. "I'm a thousand times more likely to die from a random hydra bursting through my bedroom window and chomping on me when I'm asleep. And we live in Ponyville." He giggled. "So you never know."

"I plan to die randomly from a brain aneuryism," Lyra said.

"Ew. Why?" Bon Bon squinted.

"When I was a little filly, I loved to wrestle."

"Go figure."

"No shit. I'd climb atop the coffee table and jump off, elbow-dropping my cousin." Lyra yawned as they crossed a street. "He was a fat foal, so he could handle it. Well, one day... he rolled his round body out of the way. I slammed my head pretty hard. I've had a crick in my neck ever since."

"Bet you gave up 'wrestling.'"

"Nope! I got right back on the table and jumped again!" Lyra flexed her forelimbs. "The Lyranator!"

Caramel giggled.

"And because of that..." Rainbow Dash squinted from where she hovered at the rear of the group. "...you expect to have a brain aneuyrsm?"

"Cuz that's how it works, isn't it?" Lyra hummed. "You slam your head really hard. Then, years later, without you even knowing it... boom... your skull's all flooded with blood. Like nature's ticking time bomb of cruelty. Death incarnate, you know?"

"Actually," Caramel breathed. "A brain aneurysm is simply a matter of a weak membrane leading to a dilation of a cerebral artery, usually caused by excessive alcohol consumption or obesity—"

"Nature's time bomb sounds cooler. Makes me think I'm important enough to be assassinated," Lyra said with a wink.

Bon Bon chuckled, rolling her eyes. "Oh Lyra."

"How about you, Rainbow?" Lyra asked. "Ever thought of how you're going to croak?"

Rainbow took a deep breath.

Lyra added: "Or are you just too daring and courageous to ever have to worry about that?"

"Funny you should say that," Rainbow droned. "'Cuz I've done so many crazy things and encountered so many crazy dangers that I find living to be an awful lot harder than dying." She cleared her throat. "Whatever happens to me... whenever it happens to me... I guess it'll be fine, so long as... you know..." She cleared her throat, staring at the lights glittering around them. "...I'm in a place and with a pony I can be proud of."

Silence.

"A brown recluse." Bon Bon gulped. "I'm... dreadfully terrified of being bitten by a brown recluse."

"Oh, is that the one that makes stallions super frisky right before they die?" Lyra remarked.

"No," Caramel corrected. "That's some Brazyillian species."

"Yeesh. Poor Brayzil. They've got spiders and mosquitoes working to screw both sexes."

"Hey, uh..." Rainbow Dash craned her neck. "Isn't this the Mortuana Hotel and Casino coming right up?"

"Should be," Bon Bon said with a nod. "We've trotted a perfect loop."

"I... don't remember it being this crowded."

They stumbled across a thick line of young mares and stallions dressed in all black. A sea of lycra, fishnets, and spiked legbands filled the courtyard as everyone congregated around the entrance to the dance hall.

"Oh wow..." Caramel blinked.

"Hot damn!" Lyra wheezed. "Vinyl Scratch has summoned the dead!"

"Is this really everypony for the dance session?!" Bon Bon's jaw dropped, watching as even more ponies arrived in stagecoaches and stallion-drawn taxis. "How are we even going to get in?"

"Mmmmmm..." Lyra smiled. "Crematorium?"

"Lyra..."

"But they subscribe to being dead already! Come on, Bon Bon!"

Caramel giggled again. "I feel like I'm drowning in my high school years all of the sudden."

"Now that I would kill to see photos of!" Lyra said.

"Me t-too!" Bon Bon grinned stupidly.

"Mmmmmm..." Caramel blushed. "Forget I said anything."

"Heh... hold on, gals." Rainbow Dash cracked her limbs and flapped her wings harder. "I'll find us a way around this..."

Doom and Glug

"Thanks for the airlift, Rainbow," Bon Bon said.

"Yeah, yeah. What she said," Lyra tried trotting straight through the dense crowd of partygoers inside the hotel's spacious club room. The floor was covered from wall to wall with young mares and stallions in pale muzzle paint wearing black vests and even blacker bodices. "Yeesh. Can't swing a dead cat in here without hitting someone who probably huffs on dead cats to get off."

"Lyra... they can hear you, y'know?" Bon Bon muttered, trotting after her. "Could you use your inside voice, please?"

"Girl, I'm always using my inside voice." Lyra smirked. "And besides. What do these clowns care? They probably got spiderwebs and candle wax stuck in their ears."

A stallion turned his head, blinking his shadowed eyes. "What?"

"See what I mean?!" Lyra grinned.

Bon Bon managed a slight giggle. She looked behind her. "Rainbow Dash? Where are you?"

"Erm... back here... downstream from th-the tattered black umbrellas!"

"We're trying to find a good spot beside Vinyl's booth. What's holding you back?"

"You would ask that." Rainbow hobbled sideways, careening from the weight of Caramel's body clinging to her side. "Caramel. Relax, girl. We were done flying several minutes ago. You can let go."

"So... windy..." Caramel whimpered, his eyes clenched shut. "...can hear the howl in my ears! Mmmmm..."

Rainbow sighed. "You think you're lightweight now? Try resisting a breeze after the surgeons have taken your—" She blinked, then stared ahead with a groan. "Eh. Sucky joke. Gonna end it right there." She chuckled. "Lyra's poisoning me, I swear to friggin' Luna..."

"How d-do you manage to kick off the ground every d-day like th-that?" Caramel stammered.

"Very awesomely," Rainbow Dash said. "Why don't you tell me how you spend day in and day out plucking carrots from the ground, Miss Earth Pony?"

"Actually... uhm... I haven't done manual farm labor for years."

"Oh."

"I've been an apprentice to a farrier over the past two Winter Wrap-Ups. I... er... make horseshoes and stuff."

"No kidding? So you're putting your cutie mark to good use?"

"Well enough. It's just to get by and... y'know... pay for the funds."

"Ah. Got it. Well, let's get you to relax, huh?" Rainbow Dash said, peering over the gothic crowd mingling across the pre-show scene. "I think there's a bar somewhere towards the back around here—"

"A bar?!" Lyra spun a swift one-eighty. She galloped through the crowd. "Buck this noise! Point me in the right direction!"

"Lyra?!" Bon Bon pouted. "Vinyl's booth is in that direction!"

"Yeah, so?"

"So, she'll be disappointed if she doesn't see our faces up close! I'm sure of it!"

"She'll be even more disappointed if I don't enjoy her music. And I can't enjoy anything unless I'm sloshed. Now you coming to grab a drink too or what?"

Bon Bon sighed, ears drooping. "... ... ...do they serve hard lemonade?"

"Damn straight, girl! Get your bon-bonny-butt over here!"

"Hehe. Okay." Bon Bon trotted after Lyra with a skip to her step.

Rainbow murmured in her direction: "Don't make out until after the lemon's gone from your muzzle."

Bon Bon flashed a surprised look. "Wat." Fwump! She bumped straight into the bustle of a mare's gothic dress. "Ooof! Oh! S-so sorry!"

"Don't be sorry," the mare droned, eyes straight. "The only thing you'll be buried with is all the regret you choose to carry with you." A slow blink. "And spiders."

"Oh... eheheh... how quaint. Ahem." She slithed past the dull-faced goths. "I'm going to... uh... go drink, now."

Caramel gulped. "I'm not sure I want to drink at this thing. If I hiccup, these weirdos might think I'm trying to steal their souls through my throat or something."

"They're goths, Caramel, not idiots."

"Hey, nice colors you're wearing, madame," a stallion said, drifting by and tipping his top hat. "It's a good testament to utter frivolty in life's absurd struggle against an inevitably dismal outcome."

Silence.

"Then again." Rainbow sighed. "Maybe they'll have some hard cider along with the lemon."

"If th-they have soft pineapple, then I'm game," Caramel said.

"Whatever." Rainbow snorted as she and Caramel strolled across the crowd. "Never thought I'd be in a room full of ponies more depressing than me."

"See?" Caramel sported a grin. "It's a happy vacation after all!"

"Heh..."

Shut Your Watering Hole

Lyra gulped down her drink, slapped the cup down, and belched out a laugh. "Hah! And that's when I said 'Unless my own turd can sprout legs and walk within an hour of being foaled, it's NOT a baby!'"

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Bon Bon slapped the bartop at the back of the dance hall. "Ohhhhhh Lyraaaaaaaa..."

"Heeheehee—hey..." Lyra grinned. "I coulda sworn you would have bitten my head off over THAT one!"

"Normally, I would have, but I'm too full of mirth to find it anything except funny! Heehee!"

"Too full of mirth or alcohol?"

Bon Bon hiccuped before daintily patting her chest. "A little bit of Column A and a little bit of Column B."

"Sure, works for me."

"Want another drink, Lyra?"

"Nah, I'm all piss and vinegar right now, which isn't a good combination when surrounded by so many tombstone humping necrophiles." Lyra peered around at the gothic crowd, teetering slightly. "I'd better hit the little fillies' room before I get pricked by a random safety pin and one half of it leaks out. Just where in Tartarus is it across this somber sewer of high school rejects?"

"Heehee..." Bon Bon pointed. "Over there. Across and to the left."

"You sure?"

"Totally. Just follow the trail of melted face paint."

"Hey! Now I can find my way home!" Lyra toppeled out of her bar stool. "Ooop! Step aside, ya eggwhite trollops! Mare on a mission here! Hic! Goddess, it's too early to be this sloshed... can't wait to see how much pudding's in my skull three hours from now! Hahaha! Whew!"

Bon Bon giggled again. She leaned against the counter, swirling her mug as she stared after Lyra with a soft, rosy smile.

A seat or two over...

"You should tell her," Rainbow Dash sipped from her cider.

Bon Bon blinked. She glanced over her shoulder. "Huh? Tell who what?"

"Tell Lyra that you're mad crushing on her," Rainbow said. She finished her sip and exhaled. "If there's anything I've learned in life... it's not to wait too long. Heck... not to wait at all." She sighed. "For some of us, it's just too dang late."

"Hah!" Bon Bon smiled. "Heheheh... I'm not..." She brushed her bangs back. "Lyra's my best friend!"

"Uh huh."

"Really! We're just friends! Just... drinking... socializing... potty mouthing friends..."

"Mmmmhmmm."

Bon Bon stared across the dance hall. "Potty mouthing... but really sweet... really smart... and really creative on the inside." She hugged herself as her cheeks flushed. "With so much potential... and so much to share, I just know it."

Rainbow exhaled and slapped her glass down. "Fine. Then tell her that you admire her gushy insides and want to snuggle her to death. But you're totally not in love."

"Rainbow Dash..." Bon Bon turned to stare at the pegasus. "We're on this vacation to help you, remember? It's not as if I'm finding excuses to be close to her, pay her tabs, and laugh at her jokes because I want... I-I want..."

Rainbow stared back.

Bon Bon gulped. Peering at the bleak crowd surrounding them, she leaned in and whispered hoarsely: "Okay. So... uhm... I'm gonna do it." She gulped. "I'm just waiting for the right time."

"And exactly why wasn't the 'right time' five minutes ago?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

"You girls keep goading me and goading me into doing something and yet you're just as hung up yourselves?" Rainbow smirked, twirling her empty glass. "Most entertaining revelation I've had on this vacation so far."

"It's... it's not the same, Rainbow! I haven't obsessed with Lyra like you have with—" Bon Bon bit her lip.

Rainbow stared into the countertop.

Bon Bon cleared her throat. "I... I didn't mean it like that. Erm... that is..."

"Lemme ask you just one question," Rainbow remarked.

"Hmmm?"

"Just..." Rainbow fidgeted. "What do you see in that mare."

"You mean you don't see it too?"

"Hmmmm... how do I put this delicately." Rainbow's brow furrowed. "Tartarus, no."

"Uh huh..."

"Lyra's a great drinking buddy and all, and she tells it like it is. That's sorta admirable, I guess." Rainbow winced. "But she's so... negative and so ugly all the time. I just... don't get the attraction."

"She makes me feel clean to be around," Bon Bon cooed.

"Yeah, I get that, I suppose." Rainbow peered across the dance hall. "Explains why Caramel doesn't run off everytime Lyra shows her face."

"And..." Bon Bon smiled cutely. "I think... I-I really think I can help her smooth out her rough edges... mmmmm.... if sh-she lets me."

"Sounds like a fantasy."

"Mayhaps." Bon Bon cleared her throat. "But not for long."

"Well, you're not about to run out of excuses, it seems." Rainbow nodded toward the DJ booth as the lights shifted. "Looks like the show's about to start."

"Hey! Hey girls!" Caramel ran up to the bar, panting. "I just got done talking to a sweel bunch of party-goers from Atlantrot! How do you think I'd look in a black corset? Be honest!"

"Like a damn stalk of licorice," Lyra said trudging back. "Sorry I was gone. Wait... is the show starting?" Her amber eyes reflected bright lights. "Oh buck yeah! Vomit time!"

Be Sure to Bring Your Dance Certificate

Minutes into the first wave of sonic noise, the tempo shifted, descending into a deep, thudding bass beat. Rainbow could see Vinyl Scratch grasping a microphone inside her booth. The lights settled in a neon halo around her as she spoke smoothly, broadcasting her voice across the writhing dance hall.

"This one goes out to all the cavorting corpses out there," she melodiously hissed. "Jump and jive... live it up while you still can. Because once you're six feet under... well... guess you'll be living it down. But I bet the acoustics rock." She blinked from beyond her shades. " Here's a preview, ya sexy sacks of sad."

"Hmmmmm..." A mare covered in silk and cobwebs cooed. "She knows us so well."

"Hey, that remix," a stallion in a top hat droned. "I think it's Neigh Inch Nails. You recognize it?"

"No."

"Nope."

"Me neither."

"Good. In that case, it's awesome." And the group closest to the bar began shuffling to the beat in a lurching, swaying motion.

Lyra blinked, leaning against the bar. "...wow, these guys suck."

"Heehee..." Caramel giggled. "I think they're silly... y'know... in a silly-pony-covered-in-blood way."

"So long as no biting's allowed," Bon Bon muttered beneath the noise.

"What is this, Saddle Life?!" Lyra rasped.

"How... h-how could they call that dancing?!" Bon Bon wheezed. "Look at them! It's like they're riding the metro without holding the overhead straps!"

"It's their way," Lyra droned. "It's lame and boring and stiff, but it's them. So let them have lame, boring, stiff fun."

"But... doesn't DJ-P0N3 deserve better?!" Caramel stammered as the lights flashed and flickered. "Vinyl's worked so hard for this evening!"

"Eh... she knew what to expect." Lyra stifled a yawn, blinking limply across the crowd. "Sure wish I did."

Bon Bon looked all around the sluggish crowd. Finally, with a frown, she blurted: "Buck that!"

"B-Squared!" Lyra grinned aside. "The stones on you, girl!" A peach hoof suddenly grasped hers. "Uh... what are you doing?"

"Correction, we," Bon Bon insisted, yanking Lyra off her stool. "And the answer is: dancing!"

"Uh uh. No ma'am." Lyra shook her head. "I'm a music teacher. You think I actually love to dance? Whoah!" The unicorn suddenly gasped as she was dragged into the dance floor.

"You're not talking yourself out of this one, Lyra!" Bon Bon pulled the unicorn into the center of the hall. "We're going to show these shuffling zombie ponies how it's really done! One way or another, DJ-P0N3's show is gonna go out with a bang! And it's up to us!"

"Bon Bon, for Celestia's sake—"

"Come on, Minty-Mouth!" Bon Bon slapped her flank repeatedly into Lyra's, bumping her and forcing her to gyrate with the beat. "Shake what your Momma gave ya!"

"My 'Momma' did time for stealing wagon wheels, ya melon fudge!"

"So? Heehee! I bet she had plenty of time to groove in the showers!"

"Oh, that's it! You wanna cut a rug!" Lyra smirked devilishly, spinning and twirling with drunken abandon. "Lemme teach you a thing or two about carpet shredding, girl!"

"Woohoo!" Bon Bon grinned, hopping from one set of legs to the other. "That's it! That's it! Go Heartstrings, go!"

"My middle name is 'Hoppin'!' Come, check it!" Lyra dropped to the floor and hopped back up like a spring. "Ow! Jump back, buck myself! Woot!"

"Heehee! Hey! Wait for me!" Caramel galloped out with a dumb grin. "I wanna discover my middle name too!"

"Yes! Do it, filly! For Vinyl!"

"For Vinyl!"

"Woohooo!"

Despite all odds, it actually worked. Excitement blossomed across the dance floor like a flower, issuing from the center where two mares and a stallion wildly twirled and shimmied. Soon enough, the entire floor shook and swayed with frenetic passion.

From behind her booth, Vinyl Scratch lowered her shades. She blinked... smirked... and ramped the beat into overdrive. Lights flashed the full spectrum of colors and the crowd went wild for the industrial remix.

Meanwhile...

Rainbow Dash sat at the bar. Her ruby eyes were glued to Lyra and Bon Bon... to the carefree smiles plastered to their muzzles as they twirled around one another and bumped rumps. All was sweat and laughter.

The mare sighed out her nostrils. She stared at her empty drink, twitched her ears, then motioned to the bartender for more cider.

The Motions

Two more tracks later, and Rainbow Dash could no longer remain still. Between the dancing, the euphoria, and the flashing lights undulating all around her, she was starting to feel sick as a dog. The alcohol wasn't helping much either.

Every time she looked into the crowd, she saw Bon Bon's and Caramel's jubilant faces between the magically-timed strobes. When Vinyl Scratch spoke in mid-session, it rattled Rainbow's brain right through her skull.

"Are you feeling on fire, tonight?! Well then, scream as if you're on fire! And if that doesn't capture the moment, then spin around until your head fills up with smoke! Here comes the fireworks, everypony!"

The dance floor exploded with noise and cheer. Rainbow could scarcely keep from wincing. Even when she closed her eyes, she saw her friends—both at Ponyville and beyond—smiling at her... jeering... enjoying life.

It didn't take much effort to limp her way out through the exit. For one brief moment, Rainbow thought she heard the music skipping a beat, but she chalked it up to her imagination. Soon, she was free from the dance hall of Mortuana.

The cool, breezy air of the desert outside was blissfully welcoming. Rainbow lurched to a stop, feeling the blood pumping in her vessels. Despite so many depressants, she felt adrenalized, and it filled her with a nauseating sensation.

Her mind drifted to the idea of a cool, comfy bed. She lifted off on flapping wings, pivoted around, and aimed to take the aerial shortcut to her hotel. This was easier said than done. The glittery horizon of lampposts and casino lights teetered instantly, and she struggled to keep even. She ascended briskly towards the tenth floor. Just as she thought she had the balcony of their room in her sights, she slammed muzzle-first into a glass window.

"Ooof!" Rainbow winced, bracing herself against the glass. She flapped her wings, trying to lift off from the buildin'g surface. For the moment, she was stuck in place, and she incidentally caught a glance inside the random hotel room.

A mare and a stallion sat at a dining room table. Gentle candlelight illuminated their smiling faces as they ignored their food, choosing instead to gaze into each other's eyes with loving admiration. Before long, the stallion stood up, walked around, and offered his hoof to the mare. She graciously took it, and soon the couple was slow dancing around the hotel room.

Rainbow gulped hard. With a nervous jerk, she forced herself upwards on flapping wings. Soon, she found the balcony in question. Stumbling onto an even floor, she slid the door open and spent a good five minutes wandering stupidly across the spacious interior of the VIP establishment. At last, she found the bathroom. The mare knelt before the toilet and... waited and waited and waited.

No vomit came.

All Rainbow Dash found were thoughts, and they poured out of her ears, painted with the rosy-pink images of Bon Bon's smiling face, gothic lovers chatting with one another, and a couple dancing around the dinner table. So many blushing muzzles and fuzzy chests and sighing lips.

"Mrmmmfff... can't even puke when I want to." Rainbow clenched her eyes shut, trying to dream about the Wonderbolts, pirate shows, mares in fishnets, anything but the lovable images in her mind...

...and the freckle-faced soul that they instantly conjured up.

She failed, and—in exhaustion—she collapsed on the fluffy bathroom rug. She wasn't covered in vomit, which was a delightful change for once. There was no energy left to celebrate the fact, however, and she fell asleep with anxious spasms, ushered on by the drunken pressure in her skull.

Lyrabonnery

Hoofsteps.

More hoofsteps.

At last... a shift in the air announced the opening of the hotel suite's entrance. Fetlocks clamored, followed by giggling, giggling voices. Rainbow Dash woke up, blinking fitfully. She sat up from lying on the fluffy bathroom rug. Rubbing her eyelids, she craned an ear to the three ponies returning late at night.

"...and that's when I said, 'Tuner?! I hardly even know her!'"

"Heee heee heee! Oh Lyraaaaaaaaaa..."

"I love it how—HIC—you say that."

"Say what?"

"My name. It's like you're a big fat balloon losing air."

"Lyraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."

"Hahahahahaha—HIC! Goddess dayum! Watch the table."

"I didn't leave it there, did you?"

"Maybe the maid left it directly in our path on purpose. HIC! An classic case of Hit-and-Redecorate."

"Heehee! Caramel! Come on, girrrrrrl! You're holding up the party train!"

"So... much... sweat..." A stallion's high-pitched voice squeaked. "I am I awake? I feel filthy enough to be awake."

"Girl, relax! You're just—HIC—covered in the smegma of celebration!'

"Guh. Must find a shower. I must I must I must..."

"Did you bring any flowery shampoos with you? HIC! Or just flowers?"

"Yeah, Caramel! Fill the tub with flower petals and just dive in! Then you'll be at home!"

"How many drinks did I have?"

"Are you floating in your own piss?"

"Uhm... no."

"Then not enough! HIC! Bon Bon! Steer us to the liquor cabinet!"

"Oh noooooooooo Lyraaaaaaaaaaa... we mustn'ttttttttttt..."

"But I commanded theeeeeee!"

"If we wake up puking on the hotel room floor, Vinyl's never ever ever ever ever gonna forgive us!"

"Come onnnnnnn! It'd be giving her life—HIC—some flavor! Puke flavor! Like the kind that stayed in my mouth the last time I attended the Democolt National Convention! HA!"

"You never told me you were into poly-tits!"

"Eh, just kidding. I'm registered non-party-poop."

"Heeheehee!"

"Keep giggling, B-Squared. HIC! Your face will... mmmmmmm... freeze face... phweeeeeeeee..."

"Heeeeeeee hee hee hee hee! Isn't Las Vegas wonderful?!"

"What in the buck is 'Las Vegas?'"

"Sorry. I meant 'Las Pegasus.'"

"Dammit, girl, stop dimension hopping while you're drunk! You're gonna crash into an eldritch horror one of these days—HIC—and how in Tartarus am I gonna find the wagon keys to carry you back home?"

"Hahahahaha... phew... you sure this isn't Hollywhinny? The hotel's swaying mighty fast."

"Nah, that's just your seismic brain."

"Guhhhhhhhhhhh..."

"You okay, Caramel?"

"Bathroooooooooooooooom..."

"Over there. HIC! Don't be square."

"Heeheee... I'm a rhombusssssss!" A series of soft hoofprints thud-thud-thudded over, and suddenly a frazzle-haired stallion plowed through the door, collapsing to the floor.

Rainbow gritted her teeth. With quick reflexes, she caught the stallion. His soft body instantly draped against hers.

"Hmmmmmmmmm..." Caramel cooed. His eyes closed as he nuzzled Rainbow's shoulder and instantly fell unconscious. "Nice c-catch..." A drunken yawn. "...Big Mac."

Rainbow raised an eyebrow.

From outside: "Couch! Couch!" Lyra rasped. "At precisely eight fifteen in the morning, Little Unicorn landed on Hirosofa!" Thwump! "Yaaaaaay... now surrender, brain."

"Oh goddess, Lyra. How do you do it?"

"HIC! Do what?"

"Remain so ugly and so adorable all at once."

"Cheese and crackers, Bon-Squared. HIC! If I didn't know better, I'd say you were hitting on me."

"Hard to do without boxing gloves."

"Boxing gloves... heh..." A massive, yawning noise. "We have hooves, ya fluffy-headed melon fudge."

"Yeah? So? What if I was hitting on you?"

"Mmmmmmmm... That's silly. You're silly. Silly Bon Bon."

"Lyraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."

"Heeheehee... hmmmmmm... Las Pegasus doesn't... smell so awful... at least not this pillow."

"It's a nice city so long as you're here."

Silence.

"Lyra?"

More silence.

Bon Bon sighed. "Oh Lyra..."

Curious, Rainbow Dash shuffled the weight of Caramel in her embrace and craned her neck. She stared out the door, catching sight of Bon Bon kneeling by a couch where a thoroughly tuckered-out unicorn was lying down in a mint-green heap.

Bon Bon smiled. She reached out, carressing the sleeping musician's bangs. "What a hopeless jerk." Bon Bon gulped, her eyelashes fluttering. "One of these days... I hope you let me save you... mmmm... s-save me..."

She sighed, smiled, and sighed again. Her muzzle drifted closer—just a feather's sneeze away from Lyra's lips. She hesitated, giggled, and leaned back with a bittersweet breath.

"Lyraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." A giggle, a yawn, and another giggle. Bon Bon then turned around three times and—PLOP!—curled up on the plush carpet besides Lyra's couch, slumbering away.

Rainbow Dash exhaled.

"Mmmmmmm..." Caramel fidgeted in her grasp. "I want... the blue ballgown..."

"Hmmmf... good choice." Rainbow Dash shouldered the weight of the stallion and carried him over to the bath. She grabbed a folded washcloth along the way with her wingtips. "Come on, princess. Let's rinse the goth off you. You'll thank me in the morning."

"Heeeeeeeeeeeee... 'goth off.'"

"Easy for you to say." And Rainbow kicked the shower water on with her hoof.

Black, Gray, White, and Purple

Rainbow Dash's ears twitched to the sound of rummaging hoofsteps. She stirred... stirred some more... and finally sat up. She found herself seated on the back of the hotel suite's piano.

"Bonus points for finding a creative spot to crash," Vinyl Scratch's voice said.

Rainbow looked towards her and instantly regretted it. Stabbing sunlight from beyond the windows silhouetted Vinyl's figure. "Grnnngh..." Rainbow facehoofed, rubbing her eyes. "I... uh... I don't even remember how I ended up here..."

"Presumably after you tucked Caramel into bed, nice and clean."

"Hmmmm?" Rainbow blinked and blinked. "Oh... uhm... yeah." One ear quivered after the other. "How... how did you know?"

"Because I checked up on him," Vinyl said, fiddling with her equipment cases. "I checked up on all of you. It's nice what you did for Caramel. Poor pony gets extra... extra depressed whenever she realizes how filthy she is."

"Just... couldn't help myself." Rainbow cleared her throat. "And Lyra and Bon Bon...?"

"Migrated their separate ways to their separate bedrooms." Vinyl cleared her throat. "I know. The irony is not lost to me either."

"That... you..." Rainbow gulped. "Vinyl?"

"Yes...?"

"Don't you ever sleep?"

"No."

"No?"

"I nap."

Rainbow blinked. "What's the difference?"

"So long as I can consistently and—without fail—take a twenty minute nap every three hours, then I'm good to go."

"For realsies?"

"Mmmmhmmm."

Rainbow swung her legs around until she sat on the edge of the piano. "Then what do you do otherwise?"

"I stay awake."

"So... aside from thirty minute naps every three hours... you're constantly awake?"

Vinyl nodded with a shrug. "It's what my body requires, and it allows me to get stuff done."

"Wow..."

"Don't get me wrong." Vinyl glanced over, adjusting her shades. "It's taken me years to get this rhythm going. And—if I miss a single nap session—I'm screwed up for days."

"Is that why you were such a no-show before and after the dance session last night?"

Vinyl nodded. "I had to take a nap right before and right after."

"Talk about a challenge."

"It's worth it in the long run, though." Vinyl cocked her head to the side. "But I wasn't the only pony who was a no-show at the end of the session last night."

Rainbow gritted her teeth, wincing. "Yeah... sorry about that..."

"Vanishing back home in Ponyville is one thing," Vinyl said. "We can relatively guess where you might turn up. But here? In Las Pegasus?"

"Yeah. I get it." Rainbow gulped. "It was selfish of me."

"And—considering how drunk you may have been—downright stupid." Vinyl sighed. "I know Bon Bon and the rest have painted this as some sort of intervention... but I doubt you want us trying to do the real deal, Rainbow. Please... we care about you. Don't high-tail it off like that again."

"My bad."

Vinyl exhaled, returning to her equipment. "I know that—at best—we may be drinking buddies these days, but we care about you."

"And that's a snazzy thing to hear, Vinyl," Rainbow said. "Especially from you."

"Oh?"

"I always thought you were pretty hardcore before. But now learning that you never sleep?"

"I don't sleep. I—"

"You nap, I got it. But still... that's... that's pretty amazing..."

Vinyl shrugged. "It's a living."

"Must be a pretty lonely living."

"Hmmm?"

"Staying awake so much?" Rainbow gulped. "You gotta face your own thoughts constantly."

"I welcome it," Vinyl said. "I can come up with idea... work on stuff more."

"It never weighs you down?"

"What are you getting at, Rainbow?"

Rainbow sighed. "I just... I just wonder how you do it, Vinyl." She fought a lump in her throat. "...how you manage to go on for so long being alone."

"I've got you girls," Vinyl droned. "I've got my fans... my agents and my record dealers. I don't see how I'm 'alone.'"

"You know what I mean."

Vinyl lingered in place. "... ... ...you mean without locking my lips with another pony?"

"It's more than that, Vinyl," Rainbow said with a dull smile. "It's about... y'know... sharing your heart and spending the rest of your life with somepony you care about."

Vinyl shrugged. "Just not my thing."

"You don't ever regret that?"

"Do you regret wanting it so badly?"

Rainbow bit her lip.

Vinyl sighed. "There are times when I feel lonesome, yes. But my friendships fill that void in my heart. As for intimacy—it's a very good idea, don't get me wrong. But it's... hardly ever executed properly. Ponies... put so much unnecessary emphasis on coupling and romance... only to be let down."

"Were you let down once?"

"I tried dating at one time." Vinyl gazed off. "It didn't work for me because... I just wasn't interested."

"You weren't?"

The DJ shook her head. "Don't get me wrong. The other pony was kind, considerate, amiable. But none of that made a difference. I simply... was not interested in getting closer. And I was only making things worse for my partner by constantly dragging out a relationship that was never going anywhere. So, I eventually broke the whole thing off. It was for the better. Ever since, I told myself that I would only start a relationship if I had a genuine interest in being romantically close with another pony. Guess what? It never happened. And eventually I reasoned with myself that..." She shrugged. "...it's just not my thing."

"Wow, that's pretty interesting." Rainbow gulped. "...I envy you, Vinyl. You know that?"

Vinyl glanced over. "What for?"

"Because, if you think about it, I've... more or less been living like you for over two years. If I just learned to accept the way things are, then maybe I'd be at peace with myself."

"But can you remove your innate desire to be with another pony?"

Rainbow winced.

Vinyl looked over. "Just because life tosses you lemons, it doesn't mean you have to change who you are. Occasionally I have waves of unhappiness, Rainbow Dash. Do I find ways to change? Yes... but not without sacrificing my own principals. Just because I'm a happier and more accomplished pony without a significant other doesn't mean you should follow a mold that isn't yours. Someday, somehow, you will match up with the mare of your dreams... and I hope to be around to see it because that kind of stuff is worthy of song."

Rainbow sniffled. "You really think so?"

"You keep following the most natural path, and eventually you'll reach your destination." Vinyl adjusted her shades. "Take it from a mare who reaches it everyday. The journey is worth it. Just don't get too freaked out from the stumbling blocks along the way."

"Yeah, well... I stumble a lot. I mean a lot a lot."

"Doesn't make you any less cool in my eyes, and it's a pleasure to have you around."

"Thanks, Vinyl. You're too spectacular for words."

"Yeah, well, save them for the next thirty to forty minutes."

"What, you got a jam session?"

"No, a nap session." Vinyl trotted off to her bedroom. "And if I'm any more late for it, then you'll promptly forget this conversation in place of the monster that will have spawned."

What Remains of the Day

"And then I dreamt that I was being given a sponge bath by angels," cooed Caramel in his bedrobe.

"Yes. Uh huh. Hold on a second, darling." Bon Bon twirled atop the kitchen counter stool she was sitting on. "Say, Lyra!" She held an unfolded map in her grasp. "What do you think we should try out in Upper Las Pegasus first? Ripley's Believe It or Neigh or go straight to the casinos?!"

"Mrfffnngh..." A mint green slab of meat limped from the bedroom to the bathroom, clutching her head. "Not. Another. Word." She blinked so hard that the ponies in the kitchen could hear the clap of her eyelids. "Murder."

"Because I figured we could get a museum or two out of the way first!" Bon Bon said, humming pleasantly as she turned the map around. "Then save the best for last, y'know? But if we spent all day at the casino—"

"Murderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..." And Lyra slammed the bathroom door shut.

Rainbow Dash sat in a chair, munch-munch-munching on toast and jam. She found the opportunity to speak: "Aren't casinos the best to go to at night? Cuz all the lights are flickering and flashing n'stuff?"

"Yes, but I figured the traffic would be more agreeable before nightfall." Bon Bon made a face, turning the map over again. "Mmmmmmmmmm... then again, all of the best shows begin at night."

Rainbow squinted. "What kind of shows are we talking about?"

"Erm... we'll h-have to consult Lyra on that topic. Where's Vinyl?"

"Napping. Why?"

"Could you wake her up, Rainbow? I bet her input here would be priceless."

"That... may not be a good idea. Eheh..."

"Why not?"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaugh!" Lyra's voice hollered from the bathroom. "Luna's balls that shit is cold!"

"Never mind." Bon Bon smiled with a blush. "I'll just wait for Lyra's suggestions. Sounds like she's gonna be realllllllly sober in a moment."

"Say, uhm..." Caramel smiled, brushing back his soft bangs. "Do you suppose we'll find some time to stop by the Magicolt Kingdom? I've always wanted to have my picture taken by the castle."

"That's in Fillyda, Caramel," Rainbow droned. "We're in Neighvada right now."

"Oh..." Caramel's ears folded. "Funny. I guess I got Las Pegasus and Orlandoats mixed up for a second there."

"An easy mistake to make," Rainbow Dash said, finishing her toast and jam with a smirk. "Mrmmmff... culture? What culture?"

"Well, we could always check out the Frank Sinatrots exhibit!" Bon Bon said with a grin.

Caramel and Rainbow collectively glared at her.

"Ahem. Right." Bon Bon folded the map up. "Casinos and strip clubs it is."

"Hey!" Caramel grinned. "See if they have a nightclub where the ponies wear bordello dresses!"

"Caramel, honey, the point of a strip joint is for the ponies to take off the clothes."

"Awwwwwww..." Caramel pouted. "That's lame."

"Heeheehee..."

"I swear to Celestia! It's like the ocean's filling my womb with flavor ice! Yaaaaugh!"

The Slow Road to One Million

"Why do we have to take a taxi, exactly?" Rainbow Dash said, hovering at the exit to the hotel room. "Can't I... y'know... fly each of us to Upper Las Pegasus individually? It'd save on bits."

"Don't worry about the bits," Bon Bon said. "And I'm not about to put you through all that work." She cleared her throat, brushing her mane before a front room mirror. "Besides. We'll just be taking the taxi to the tower."

"You mean that big needle thing that leads to the upper clouds?"

"Yes. It's the only thing attached to the floating platforms above and... well... only one pony in this group can walk on clouds."

"Rainbow Dash!" Caramel said with a wink and a grin.

"Me too." Lyra muttered, limping across the foyer. "If my stomach doesn't clear that bean salad from last night. Whew. Hey Vinyl! Vinyllll! Yo! You ready or what?"

"Yes. Yes. Soon." The other unicorn trotted into the room. She cleared her throat and adjusted her shades. "Just... clearing the cobwebs."

"Coming up from one of your nap sessions, eh, girl?" Rainbow said with a smirk.

Vinyl nodded. "Like being thawed from ice. But I'll be good in two minutes."

"Yeesh... how do you manage to do that?" Bon Bon stammered.

"Very, very delicately." Vinyl cleared her throat again. "I hate to be a pain, but we'll wanna find a lounge somewhere later on so I can get twenty minutes of shut-eye before I'm good to go again. But that'll be at least three hours from now. I'm peachy keen for the time being."

"Good!" Bon Bon grinned. "Maybe we can get a roller coaster in or two!"

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "Roller Coaster?"

"The tower thingy," Lyra said with a yawn. "They have all sorts of crazy thrill rides up there. A big deal for ponies without wings."

"Right..."

"Oooh! And they have some great shops at the lower levels!" Caramel squeaked.

"Pffft. Darling, don't bother with the tower's paltry selection! We'll save the fine shopping for the Upper district!" Bon Bon winked with a smile. "There, you can find some truly... breezy scarves. Made out of cloud silk."

"...!" Caramel clamped a pair of hooves over his muzzle. "Could... it... be so?" He stuttered. "Cl-cloud silk?"

"I've only felt the material once in my life," Bon Bon purred. "Felt like touching a moon pool!"

"No kidding." Lyra looked towards the door. "What about you, Rainbow? Did you ever touch cloud silk in all your days of living in Cloudsdale?"

"I'm sure when I was an infant I may have pooped in it once or twice."

"Ha ha!" Lyra exhaled through a wry grin. "And just like that I'm awake again."

"You're awake?" Vinyl smirked. Levitating a set of rattling keys, she made for the door. "Come on, girls. Let's get wasted for the economy."

"Woohoo!" Bon Bon hopped in place. "Las Pegasus, here we come!"

"Shhhhh... don't scare the city, B-Squared," Lyra said as Rainbow and Vinyl held the door open for the rest. The group collectively made their exit. "I want Las Pegasus to be unaware as I backstab it with my bit bag."

"Better get a good grip on it."

"...too late."

Do You Even Lift (For Cab Fare)?

"Oh wow!" Bon Bon grinned wide, peering over the edge of the chariot window where she was seated. The high urban winds beat against her cheeks and mane. "Oh wow wow wow wow wow wow!"

"Girl, relax," Lyra droned. She sat next to Vinyl in the stretched wagon's passenger compartment facing Bon Bon, Rainbow Dash, and Caramel. The chariot swayed slightly as a group of four pegasi drew it skyward with briskly flapping wings. "It's just a sky taxi."

"Oh Lyra." Bon Bon smirked. "Don't pretend that you're not thrilled about this! When do we ever get to fly above the rooftops of Ponyville back home?"

"Flight is overrated," Lyra yawned.

"Speak for yourself," Rainbow said with a smirk.

"Omigosh! Look!" Bon Bon pointed out the window with a peach hoof. "I can see Freemane Street from here—"

A yellow aura of telekinesis tugged Bon Bon back into her chair.

"Sit down," Lyra grumbled, her horn dimming. "Celestia on a bike, girl. Don't you know the first thing about flight safety?"

"Hmmmm..." Bon Bon smiled coyly. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were extra-concerned for me, Lyra."

"Pfffft. Don't be silly, B-Squared. If you fall out the window and become a bloody stain against the wagon's paint job, then Vinyl and I get sued out of our uteri."

"I doubt her safety restraints would loosen that easily," Vinyl droned. "Still, it's okay to be stupidly concerned for her, Lyra."

"Mrmmmmffff..." Lyra folded her forelimbs.

"Ooooh!" Bon Bon cooed again. "See those structures atop the hotel casinos? They look like whole entire buildings!"

"Their super expensive VIP suites," Vinyl said. "Too high class even for me to afford."

"Some of them even have fountains and burning braziers!"

"Yeah." Vinyl nodded as the wagon gradually lifted. "You have to be—like— an oil baron from Saddle Arabia to afford that kind of crud. Too opulent for my tastes."

"I didn't know you had a limit, Vinyl," Lyra said.

Vinyl shrugged. "Everypony has limits."

"You just have more than others."

"Let's just say I value a simple life too much to complicate it with diamond studded nothings."

"Heh... more power to ya."

"Oh look..." Rainbow Dash pointed through the wagon's sun roof. "We're so high up, we're catching the sunlight."

"Huh?" Lyra craned her neck, staring up through the transparent sheet. "Let me see." Just as she said that, a bright glint of golden light slammed across her glinting eyes. "Ohhhh! Ack! Hisssssss!"

"Oh, now that feels delightful," Bon Bon said with a smile. She inhaled, feeling the warmth draw over her from the sunlight peering through the circular space between the clouds of Upper Las Pegasus and the tall tower piercing it. "I wonder how the pegasi manage to keep such a circular entrance staying so consistently in one piece?"

"No doubt through reinforcing the circumference by hoof morning, noon, and night," Rainbow said. She eyed the sliver of blue skylight above the overcast. The hint of cloudstone structures peeked through the mists. "There's still no machine that can replace good ol' fashion pegasus weather flying when it comes to keeping the clouds in shape."

"Well, I can't wait to see the hovering platforms!" Bon Bon said. "Or the lofty cloudstone buildings beyond!"

"Take a good look. We're getting close enough," Rainbow said. "Already it looks a lot smaller than Cloudsdale—but hey—who's counting?"

"From what I'm told, a good half of Upper Las Pegasus is accessible to non pegasi," Vinyl said. "That's quite the feat."

"Oh, totally. Just don't wander too far from the platforms," Rainbow said. "It'd super suck to fall all the way to the desert floor below."

"I presume it happens a lot," Lyra said, smirking. "Judging from the number of morons who come here to lose their fortunes."

"Eh." Rainbow shrugged as the wagon swayed slightly. "Who knows." She looked aside. "How you holding up, Caramel." A blink. "... ... ....Caramel?"

"I'm d-d-doing f-f-fine..." Caramel hugged himself hunched up in his seat between Rainbow and Bon Bon. He stared straight forward, eyes like saucer as his teeth chattered. "I'm n-n-not sc-scared of the d-deathly pl-plunge beneath us or anything!"

"Caramel. Girl... just chillax," Rainbow said with a calm smirk. "This is the safest way to travel."

"If you s-say s-so..."

"I—like—fly more than I walk. And you don't see me as a talking corpse, do ya?"

"Mmmmmm..." Caramel's eyes darted around as his ears folded.

"Okay, Caramel," Vinyl spoke up. She adjusted her shades, craning her neck. "The taxi pullers will be parking us soon. You'll be on solid flooring in just a little bit."

"Y-yeah... b-but we'll still be m-miles high!"

"It's not miles," Rainbow droned. "If it was miles, you'd turn to liquid as soon as you landed from a fall."

"Eeeep!" Caramel froze completely, white as a sheet.

Bon Bon sighed, rolling her eyes. "You might want to work a bit on your counseling skills, Rainbow."

"Right. Got it." Rainbow cleared her throat, squinting at the round, looming summit to the space needle above them. "Let's find a dress shop quick... nurture her back to the land of the living."

Author's Note

April Fool's Chapter

Lofty

Caramel breathed in and out... in and out... in and out. He closed his eyes, gulped, and resumed nuzzling the silk surface of an adorable blouse hanging from the rack of an elegant department store.

"You good?" Rainbow asked, fidgeting in the middle of the shopping aisle.

"I'm... I-I'm getting there," Caramel said, eyelids fluttering shut. "Just a few seconds more..."

Rainbow sighed through a tired smile. "Very well..."

"One Maressissippii... Two Maressissippii... Three Maressissippi..." At last, Caramel breathed evenly. "Okay..." He leaned back into the aisle, standing beside Rainbow Dash with a calm breath. "I think I'm good now."

"You're not gonna freak out any longer over the fact that we're a gazillion feet above sea level?"

"Grkkk!" Caramel winced, glaring out the store entrance to where a grand, circular balcony looked out onto the gray-and-blue skylight of Upper Las Pegasus. "Don't rub it in!"

"Heeheehee..." Rainbow chortled. "I'm sorry, girl. Just... I've never seen a pony so worked up over heights."

"I'm an earth pony, Rainbow Dash," Caramel groaned. "An earth pony." With a slight shudder, he followed the pegasus out of the shop and onto the circular balcony. A cool wind blew at their manes from the high altitude air. Ponies—tourists from all trots of life strolled leisurely along the outer platform, leaning against the railing and enjoying the sights of the lower city sprawled out below. Outdoorsfood vendors and photograph spots attracted visitors who congregated in sporadic bunches. Meanwhile, along the inner circle of the platform, shops and restaurants attracted even more patrons. "The highest I've ever been was a weekend I spent trying to repair the farm's windmill... and I couldn't sleep afterwards for days."

"Wow. That just... blows my mind, y'know?" Rainbow remarked. "That there are ponies who've actually not experienced flight... especially on a daily basis."

"Most of us are virtual groundhogs." Caramel gulped. "Only a few can hope to be as awesome and... casual about lifting off the ground as you, Rainbow."

"Maybe I could give you a lift around Ponyville sometime," Rainbow said in a pleasant tone. "Help you lose your fear."

"Erm... thanks but no thanks."

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "You'll be headed to Canterlot Mountain for your operation, right? Might as well get used to heights while you still can."

"Eheh..." Caramel blushed slightly. "Good point."

"Hey!" Lyra growled from a distance. She waved from where she stood next to Vinyl and Bon Bon. "If you two girlfriends are done doing each other's make up, we've got some snazzy thrillrides to vomit over! So stop making out and move your tails!"

"Buy a shirt and then keep it on!" Rainbow hollered back. "We'll be there when we'll be there! Yeesh!"

Caramel cleared his throat. "Lyra... certainly has a wild imagination."

"Huh? Oh, right." Rainbow inhaled. "Look, Caramel, in all seriousness—"

"Pffft..." He rolled his eyes. "She was joking, Rainbow."

"Well, obviously. I just want you to know—"

"You're not attracted to ponies that look like stallions on the outside. That's fine," Caramel exhaled.

"It's... not that." Rainbow cleared her throat. "You're super cute and awesome to be with. Just... y'know... not my type. 'Cute and bashful' is sooooooo Fluttershy." She suppressed a cough. "And... uhhhh... I've been there. Well... almost been there. And I've since learned that I prefer a mare who's... not quite so soft."

Caramel giggled.

Rainbow raised an eyebrow.

"Just... just an amusing thought..." Caramel smirked. "What if—after the magical sessions are over with—I turn out to be quite the catch, eh, Rainbow?" He winked.

"Could you bench press me with just your tail muscles?"

Caramel binked. "Is that what you dig?"

"Heh... I'm just joshin' ya." Rainbow yawned into the breezy winds. "Even if you turn out to be a smoking hot babe, you'll always be my cool, compassionate, adorable drinking buddy. I'm glad to be acquainted, flat muzzle or curved."

"Heeeee... I'd expect no less, Rainbow Dash." Caramel smiled. "Just to be accepted for who I am."

"But if they roll you out of there as an athletic, muscular, flank-kicking farm mare..." Rainbow Dash whistled, coiling her wings tightly by her side. "I dunno, girl. Somepony page Sigmane Freud."

"I doubt that'll happen," the stallion said with a laugh. "It's not exactly my type."

"Heh... good point."

"And who knows? Maybe tonight we'll find you a mare who is your type." Caramel winked. "Or two."

"Mrmmmfff..." Rainbow stared out at the lofty blue sky. "...we'll see. Depends on how plastered this mare is before bench-pressing..."

Whoah, Whoah, Coaster-Mania, Fighting to Survive

"No."

Bon Bon's eyes sparkled. "But Caramel..."

"No."

"It's safer than riding the taxi coach to get here!"

Nevertheless, Caramel held his ground, unwavering—at least until the coaster roared over their heads again, and he scrunched down with an audible squeak.

The five stood directly before the entrance to a roller coaster constructed at the very top of the tower. The track ran a circular path around the upper ring. It was evidently designed to give passengers a frightening view of the desert landscape looming far below. Pony voices shrieked in the air, mixed with terror and laughter.

"We came up all this way to get in line!" Bon Bon pouted. "Won't you join us?" Her lower lip protruded as her ears drooped. "Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaase...?"

"I'd rather die an ordinary d-death, thank you very much," Caramel wheezed.

"Cheese and crackers, princess," Lyra droned, marching into the queue line. "Wait here and become an old maid all you want. I'm going to go up and piss myself rotten with joy!horror."

"Me too," Vinyl said, trotting after the other unicorn. "Only... with considerable less urine."

"I'll be sure to cry at the funeral for each and every one of you!" Caramel called after them.

"Awwwwwwwwwww..." Bon Bon sighed, trotting after the other two mares in a slouch. "And here I was hoping we'd all have fun in our vacay together... SNIFF... oh well."

Caramel stood with his forelimbs folded. "She can boo hoo all she wants. A mare... h-has her priorities."

Rainbow stood next to him, blinking. "So your priority is to be stiff as a board?"

Caramel blinked. "Huh?"

"Loosen up, girl," Rainbow droned. "That's what we're here to do, huh?"

"Actually, we came here to loosen you up."

"Takes one rattling screw to know another."

"Errr..."

"Look..." Rainbow smirked. "What Bon Bon said has an ounce of truth to it." She paused as the cars roared overhead yet again, echoing with screams and giggles. "If this thing wasn't super safe, then they wouldn't have built it up here."

"Yeah, well..."

"You always wonder what it's like to fly every day... well, maybe this will give you a taste of it." Rainbow winked. "It's all about the thrill, girl."

"Really?"

"Thrill and fright are two different things. Fright is something you conquer. Thrill is something you learn to live with. And once you've conquered this coaster, you can put another notch under your belt."

"I... I dunno..." Caramel bit on his lip.

"And, besides, aren't you gearing yourself up for enough fright at Canterlot Medical or whatever? Seems like coasters ain't much to spit on."

"... ... ..."

"Well, I'm gonna find a seat myself," Rainbow said, trotting into the coaster's lofty entrance. "Just to see what it's like for non-winged ponies to get their groove on."

Caramel fidgeted and fidgeted...

Minutes later...

"Okaaaaaaaaaay..." Caramel inhaled and exhaled and inhaled and exhaled. "I can do this. I can do this. I can do this." Squeeeak! A plush lap-bar lowered over his body. His pupils shrank. "OhmycelestiaIcan'tdothis!"

"Eugh..." Lyra groaned, seated behind Caramel and Rainbow Dash. "Who invited Prissy Plots?"

"Be glad that Rainbow talked her into it!" Bon Bon said, sitting next to Lyra. "The more the merrier."

"If you say so."

Bon Bon smiled. "Remember, Lyra. If you get freaked out, you can just hold my hoof."

"Hmmmf... whatever."

"You okay up there, Caramel?" Vinyl asked from two rows back.

"Mmmmmmmmmm..." Caramel clenched his eyes shut.

"Hey. It's cool!" Rainbow patted his forelimb as the coaster rattled into position, facing the rest of the circular, winding track. "Just a few laps around, and—before you know it—it'll be over! You'll just dig the adrenaline. I know it."

"Okay..." Caramel took a few deep breaths. "I'll dig it." He forced his eyes open and wide. "I can conquer any frights!"

"Thatta girl!" Rainbow said with a grin. The coaster lurched, rolling forward at an increasing speed. "Here we go! Woohooo! Get ready!"

"Woooo! Yeah!" Bon Bon cheered.

"Alright! Alright!" Caramel raised his forelimbs and smiled wide. "Bring it on!"

Even more minutes later.

"Ughhhhhhhhhhhh..." Caramel sat, hunched over the toilet of a public bathroom. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh... ptoooie..."

Rainbow Dash sighed, standing behind him in the stall and holding his mane back. "There there, big cat. You... uh... you did good." A crooked smile. "You survived..."

"So... m-many... circles..." he whimpered, his coat taking on a green tint. "Mmmmnnnghhh... th-thanks... Rainbow Dash..."

"Hey. Don't mention it, buddy."

"Bet you... mmmm... ptooie... never dreamt you'd be doing something like this..."

Rainbow sighed through a tired smile. "Kinda sorta, in my fuzziest of dreams... but with a different mare, of course."

"Mmmmm... s-sorry..."

"Don't be sorry. Just... y'know... be empty."

"Braaaaulghkkkkt!"

Rainbow winced, tugging at his mane as he heaved. "That's... more like it."

Pegashock (Infinite?)

Rainbow looked aside in mid-trot. "Better?"

"Mmmmm..." Caramel coughed once, twice. He dragged his tail—and nearly his chin—as he shuffled forward alongside the pegasus. "Better."

"Good. Now tilt your head up," Rainbow said with a wink.

Caramel did as he was told. Soon enough, the sickly glaze evaporated from his widening eyes. "Whoah..."

"Heh..." Rainbow grinned. "'Whoah' is right."

Before them stretched a bridge connecting to the outer rim of the lofty tower. It was connected to one of many floating platforms, suspended by a combination of balloons, propellers, and enchanted cloudstone. Tall, spiraling casinos and lavish hotels stood on these levitating foundations. Meanwhile, in the distance, a carefully controlled column of pegasus clouds rotated at a glacial pace—like a gigantic wind funnel moving in slow motions. Pegasus apartments and businesses lined the inner layer of this huge cloudstone structure. Above the solid platforms, numerous smaller clouds hovered, most of them spilling over with a rainbow deluge of decorative moisture that gave the inner atmosphere of the cloudstone hollow a prismatic aura. Every blink felt like looking into a kaleidoscope. Music carried magically along the winds, and a festive atmosphere of laughing voices and enthusiastic tourists filled the mute gaps in between.

"Holy smokes," Caramel chanted.

"More like controlled mists," Rainbow said. "I recognize good pegasus hoofwork when I see it. Doesn't have to be 'holy' just 'cuz it's snazzy to look at."

"Even still." The stallion gulped. "It's... it's a great deal prettier than in post cards."

"I suspect they have it built to be that way," Rainbow said. "It might seem enormous, but that's classic pegasus forced perspective for you. The floating rainbow clouds above us distract the eye with color. As a result, you never really pay enough attention to realize how little space there is on these platforms for non-pegasi to walk. They built similar things in Cloudsdale for when foreign dignitaries would visit... but nothing quite this elaborate. I'm telling you, Upper Las Pegasus is the bomb."

"I'm so glad I could see it with my own naked eyes," Caramel purred. Smiling, he glanced aside. "Aren't you happy?"

Before Rainbow could respond—

"There you girls are!" Bon Bon chanted.

The two looked ahead to see the other three hanging out at the bridge connecting to the floating platforms. A group of security ponies gave the mares a basic, rudimentary search.

"Took you long enough," Lyra grunted. "Yeesh, if Caramel was upchucking all this time, she probably turned inside out." A smirk. "Would have done the surgeons' job for them."

"Hardy har har," Caramel said. "Anyways, I'm feeling better. Where to first?"

"I was thinking the Pegasus History Museum!" Bon Bon chirped with a grin. "It's not that far from here!"

"There's a fabulous place to eat nearby as well," Vinyl said. "Consider it a surprise."

"You ever been here before, Vinyl?" Caramel asked. "I mean... up here here?"

The DJ nodded. "I performed at pegasus hotel overlooking the platforms."

"Really?"

"Mmmhmmm."

"How'd you not fall through the cloudstone?"

Vinyl smirked ever so slightly. "They built a canoe for me and my turntable and installed a flankload of balloons."

"Really...?"

"Nah. But the real truth is far... far more complicated."

"Oh."

"You must be living it up in a place like this, Rainbow," Lyra muttered. "Ever seen this sort of floaty-floaty stuff before?"

"Kinda sorta, yeah," Rainbow said with a nod.

"What, in Cloudsdale?"

Rainbow fidgeted slightly, her eyes wandering to the side. "It's... a long story."

"Pffft. Whatever... petite, blue, and mysterious." Lyra was given permission to trot past security. "Alright! Let's hit the money sucking machines!"

"The museum first, Lyra," Bon Bon said.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww pigeon poop." Lyra blinked. "Wait... is that a slur up here?"

"What do you care?" Vinyl muttered.

"Heh... good friggin' point."

Rainbow stumbled.

Caramel blinked back at her. "You okay, Rainbow?"

"Hmmm?" Rainbow blinked, teetering slightly. "Oh! Totally! Heh... you're not the only one to get tipsy after a roller coaster, gal."

Caramel smirked. "You're silly." He trotted on. "Hey! Girls! Wait up! Wow... this place is amazing!"

Behind the group, Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. She tried standing up straight, but trembled. Biting her lip, she raised one forelimb and flexed it. She could scarcely feel the chilly winds blowing across her knee.

With a sigh, the mare switched from trotting to hovering... and swiftly closed the distance between herself and the rest of the group.

You Take Some

"Say, Rainbow Dash..." Bon Bon squinted at a partially-folded program in her grasp, then up at the large granite bust of a heroically armored pegasus. "Did you know that—in her hayday—Commander Hurricane could benchpress a walrus?"

"That would make sense!" Caramel said, his voice echoing across the cold cloudstone floor of the history wing of the pegasus museum. "It was very cold up until the founding of Equestria. Most likely walruses were their metrics for measuring weight."

"Meh..." Lyra leaned apathetically against the edge of a massive doorframe. "By 'walruses,' the old record books probably meant 'other ponies.'" She smirked sardonically. "If there's anything I've ever learned from my two years in art school, it's that civilization used to dig fatties."

"Lyra!" Bon Bon chided before offering a goofy smile. "I much rather prefer 'big bridled.'"

"Eugh... what are we doing in this stupid, sterile dust hole?" Lyra grumbled, tossing her forelimbs. "We should be off getting rich, getting robbed, getting laid!"

"Shhhhhhh..." Bon Bon continued to admire Hurricane's statue. "It's all about the buildup, darling." A beat. "Plus, the next exhibit down the hall is the Legacy of Cloudsopolitan Bacchanalia."

"OooOooOooh..." Lyra's eyes suddenly sparkled. She trotted briskly ahead. "Now this I gotta see."

"Not so fast!" Caramel winced. "We'll bump into the tour ahead of us!"

"What she said," Vinyl droned, rocking a set of wiery headphones. "Besides, I haven't caught up with my audio guide."

"Bah!" Lyra swatted Vinyl's muffs off as she trotted by. "Lemme save you time. 'Pegasi were total badflanks and then they rolled over for the unicorns and earth ponies.' The end."

"Wow..." Vinyl rolled her shaded eyes. "You could be a substitute teacher with that attitude."

"Been there. Done that. Almost have the social diseases to prove it." Lyra wandered into the other room. "Now, where are these wax figure orgies? Ooooh! Juicy!"

"Wait!" Bon Bon skipped to catch up. "Let me see!"

"No way. You had your walruses."

"Lyraaaaaaaaaa..."

"Eugh..." Caramel rolled his eyes and giggled as he joined the rest of the mini-herd. "Just promise me we get to stick around a little while longer at the Queen Elizabuck exhibit."

"Pfft! Screw that! Look at the wax vomit!"

Vinyl Scratch lingered at the rear. She fidgeted with her rented headphones, glancing around at the mostly empty wing of the musuem around them. "Rainbow...?" Her brow furrowed beneath her horn. "...where's Rainbow?"

You Give Some

"Rainbow...?"

Vinyl's words fell on deaf ears.

Rainbow Dash remained at the front portion of the Equestrian History Wing. She hovered above the floor, squinting at the diorama before her.

Wax pegasi, earth ponies, and unicorns stood in a half-circle, sporting spears and axes and polearms. They converged upon a large, serpentine beast "looming" above them. A series of thin, near-invisible wires suspended a draconian monstrosity made up out of patchwork jigsaw pieces—a little bit of scales there, a patch of fur there, and plenty of shiny fuzz in between. Fangs glistened in the red tinted light while a pair of soul-less glass eyes reflected the visages of the mortals attempting—in vain—to fend off his swirling approach.

Rainbow's eyes traveled along his slender figure, spotting claws, hooves, and talons. At last, she gazed upon his antlers and sighed.

"... ... ...they just couldn't figure out your good side, huh?"

All of the sudden, the mare winced. She could have sworn she felt a stab of pain, but as soon as she rubbed her forelimbs together, the sensation was lost... sunk deep beneath the fuzzy surface of her own numb flesh.

The mare gulped, sighing as she pivoted about slightly. The traffic in the museum was sparse—expectedly so—with scarcely a few elder ponies and wrinkly tourists wandering the richly furnished domain. Off in the distance, the hallways and cloudstone columns resonated with the laughter and mutterings of her friends.

"Lancie... who am I kidding?" Rainbow murmured to the air. Her features sagged—starting with her drooping ears. "I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be anywhere." The mare sighed. "You thought there was something so awesome about me and my loyalty... but in the end I'm just a crazy, aimless... bum."

She clenched her jaw shut.

"Where in Tartarus have you gone off to?" Another deep exhale. "...and what I wouldn't give to taste of the wind you're sailing on."

Silence.

The mare touched down, attempting to stand on her hooves. From the way her legs began buckling she already knew she couldn't accomplish the task very easily. So, with a defeated groan, she turned her gaze from the menacing statue and floated off in the direction of merrier, mirthier equines.

Take the Shot, Double-Oh Dash

"Okay... I give up..." Bon Bon blinked. Hard. "How do they do that?"

"Do what?" Lyra asked. She looked back at the earth pony who had stopped in the middle of a cloudstone courtyard between towering casinos. "Is it a matter of how we're all floating super high above the ground? Cuz I think that was answered when we first got here, girl."

"I think she's referring to that," Vinyl said, pointing at an inexplicable series of vertical fountains bursting up from the center of the courtyard.

"Oooooooh..." Caramel smiled, ears twitching from random droplets of moisture from the display. "Pretty."

"You... uh..." Bon Bon fidgeted. "You don't suppose Upper Las Pegasus sprung a leak, do you?"

"I think we'd know that by now if that was the case," Vinyl remarked.

"What are you all gawking at?" Rainbow asked, hovering over beside the group. "The fountain?" She stifled a yawn and pointed with a numb hoof. "We... like... capture a bunch of hot and cold winds, contain them, then shove them into a vertical pocket of air situated beneath a floating reservoir of stagnant precipication. It's what we pegasi do to create hail, only the water doesn't turn to ice this low in the atmosphere, so instead we get a nifty fountain thingy."

"Cool!" Caramel said. "Well... eheh... not 'cool' enough, I suppose, since it isn't turning to hail and all. But... uhm... you know what I mean."

"It's... slightly alarming that the very same platform that's turned to solid cloudstone beneath us can be filled with so many porous weather anomalies," Bon Bon remarked.

"Eh..." Rainbow waved with a wing. "You get used to it."

Just then, from behind...

"Oh golly!" an old stallion stammered. "That's so amazing! Reminds me of geysers along the edge of the Zebrahara!"

"The Zebrahara?!" an even older mare spat. "Pffft! You're getting your deserts mixed up!"

"Whatever, mare! I mean that it looks like stuff we saw during our first retirement vacation!"

"Hello, miss!" A graying mare with portly features waddled up to Rainbow Dash. "Would you be so kind as to take a photo of us before this here fountain?"

Rainbow turned around. "Errr..." She blinked as a camera was thrust into her grasp.

"Thank you so very kindly!" The mare smiled, backing up with the stallion. The elderly couple wore tropical t-shirts and faded baseball caps as they stood before the fountain, greening cheekishly. "Just aim it and press the little red button! Like so!"

"Oh... uhm..." Rainbow gulped hard. "Sure! Easy peasy!" She bit her lip and struggled... struggled to lift the apparatus in shaky hooves. She was almost certain that she got the couple in frame, but taking the picture...

"... ... ...is something wrong, ma'am?"

"No, I just..." Rainbow fought the urge to sweat. Every time she tried pressing the red button, her forelimbs shook harder. The expensive camera rattled, threatening to slip entirely from her numb grip. "Just trying t-to find the best angle possible!"

"Should be simple, hun! Just aim and shoot!"

Rainbow bit her bottom lip. All of the sudden, she brightened. With a happy smirk, she stretched her wings forward and propped the camera in the frame of her feathertips.

"Hey! Atta girl! Keep it nice and steady!"

Rainbow exhaled calmly. At last—after a few tries—she was able to press the red button and take a shot. "There ya go! Worth a thousand words—" The camera fell out of her grip. "Aw nuts—!"

The expensive apparatus fell to the cloudstone floor.

Flash! A magenta cloud of telekinesis levitated it before it could smash to pieces. Vinyl Scratch trotted up, lifting the thing magically and floating it over to the elderly couple.

"Here you go, sir and madame," Vinyl calmly said.

"Well, thanks a'plenty!" The old mare said. "Equestria could use more charming youths like you ponies."

"Don't mention it," Vinyl said. She then turned to squint suspiciously at Rainbow Dash. The unicor adjusted her shades, brow furrowed.

Rainbow gulped, then pivoted about to avoid Vinyl's glare. She was only marginally successful. "So... uh... lunch?"

The Best Thing for an Empty Stomach

"A bajillion high class establishments literally floating directly above us," Lyra Heartstrings grunted, "And we all decide to go to a Chineighs Buffet?"

"You really think there's a better way to get filled up?" Bon Bon remarked.

Lyra raised her hoof, lingered, and ultimately shrugged. "You have a point there." She pointed across the table in the center of the bustling restaurant. "Pass me another spring roll."

"Nuh uh!" Bon Bon blurted between munching bites. "These are my spring rolls! I waited for three minutes behind a pair of fat donkeys to pluck them from the bar!"

"For one. It's 'a pair of fat asses.' For another... friggin' gimme."

Lyra tried reaching across the table, only to have her hoof slapped by a rolled up napkin.

"Now now, Miss Heartstrings," Caramel boldly exhaled, tilting his chin up. "Be nice and mannerly."

Lyra blinked at him. "... ... ...did you just friggin' swat me?"

"We're all here in Las Pegasus to enjoy ourselves and we can't very well do that if we're all lunging across the table without asking."

"Holy frickin' Tartarus in my orifices—I think she just swat me!"

"Mrmmmff..." Bon Bon munched on her rice. "You're lucky she didn't deep fry you. My goddess, this stuff is good."

"Someone call the newspaper roll police!"

"Simmer down, for crying out loud," Rainbow Dash grumbled. Flapping her wings, she lifted off from the booth and floated towards the central bar of the establishment. "I'll go fetch us all some more spring rolls. Luna on a bicycle..."

"Now that's the spirit!" Bon Bon smiled, swallowing her meal down with a glass of soda. "See? Now if only you showed that sort of loyal initiative, Lyra."

"My loyal initiative is not suplexing you through the nearest table for faux waterfall display." Lyra smirked. "Speaking of which, are we going to pay a visit to that Total Neighstop Action Wrestling Event that's in town?"

"Not on your goddess-dayum nelly," Bon Bon grunted.

"Heyyyyyy!" Lyra winked across the table at Caramel. "The mare's learning!"

"Hehehehe..." Caramel meanwhile giggled. "'Luna on a bicycle.' I like that!"

Rainbow Dash floated past multiple tourists of varying amounts of obesity. At last, after scaling a veritable sea of oily living detritus, she reached the shiny green bar of the buffet.

"Okay, let's see..." She cradled a plate in her forelimbs and leaned her head forward, squinting through the translucent sneeze guard at the various edibles on display. "Pasta... garlic bread... broccoli and noodles... fried rice... ah ha! Spring rolls." She grasped at a pair of salad tongs... but fumbled. The mare bit her lip, flexed her forelimb, and reached it further.

A magenta glow encased the untensils. A voice calmly droned from the sidelines: "Allow me..."

Rainbow Dash clenched her eyes shut. She took a deep breath, then reopened them. "So... uhm... thanks..."

"For what?" Vinyl asked, standing suddenly beside the levitating mare. Decades' old muzak crackled in the background speakers of the restaurant as the DJ levitated the tongs, grasping spring roll after spring roll and depositing them on Rainbow's platter. "For lending you a hoof? Or holding off from prattling to all our marefriends just how parapalegic you are?"

"Oh come off it, V," Rainbow droned. "It's not that bad and you know it."

"Isn't it?" The mare peeked from behind her shades. "Or was it the abominable snowmare who took your father from you?"

Rainbow frowned. "Not friggin' funny."

"I'm inclined to agree," Vinyl said. "Which is why I'm not laughing... especially now that I see that the horrible degenerative illness that I foolishly thought went away is still as alive as ever."

"I've got it under control," Rainbow muttered.

"Under control? Or staved off?"

"I've been taking some special medicine, okay?"

"Did you happen to bring any of this special brew with you?"

Silence.

Vinyl sighed, resting the tongs after stacking Rainbow's plate with edibles. "I knew this whole vacation thingy was a bad idea."

"Wasn't mine. I'll tell you that much," Rainbow grunted.

"You had your opportunity to jump ship back on the train ride," Vinyl said.

"Like I was really going to let you girls down by high-tailing it off that caboose," Rainbow exhaled. "Face it. You all need me more than I need to be here. Look at poor Caramel, for crying out loud! She'd be drowning in her own tears if I wasn't around to keep her off the ground!"

"We can take care of ourselves, Rainbow."

"And I can't?"

Vinyl sighed. "...the last time it was this bad, you fell into the arms of a mare whom... we don't particularly hold much of a positive opinion for."

Rainbow clenched her jaws tight.

"Lemme take you away from here, Rainbow," Vinyl said in a hushed tone, leaning towards the levitating pegasus. "I'll come up with an excuse and we'll make an exit. I have... connections in this city, Rainbow. Both upper and lower. I can get you looked at by a professional. They could—"

"Make the same assessment that every doctor has made about me since my dear old dad kicked the bucket." Rainbow shook her head, teetering slightly in midair. "No thank you, ma'am. I'd rather not deal with that horse hockey anymore."

Vinyl sighed, her ears drooping. "Why do you always do this to yourself?"

"Hrmmmff?" Rainbow casually plucked a spring roll off the plate and bit into it. "Do what?"

"Play the friggin' martyr," Vinyl grunted. "You should know by now that the only ponies who play into it are horrible, horrible jerks. You deserve better, Rainbow."

"I know that," Rainbow said with a nod. "Which is why I haven't let her play into it. Cuz I know she's the best."

Vinyl leaned back, preparing to sigh again.

"Look. I was brought here to let go of a bunch of crud and live in the moment. And that's what I intend to do! I think it's super cool that you care so much about me, Vinyl, but stop laying it on so thick, y'know? Sooner than you know it, it'll anchor me to the ground, and then where will I be? Huh?" She cradled the plate as carefully as she could and floated back towards the group's booth across the way. "Now, if you don't mind. spring is in session..."

Mythological Proportions

“Hey?” Caramel smiled as the group trotted across a courtyard of cloudstone. “What about Cumulus Casino?”

“Dang it, girl,” Lyra grumbled. “For the last time—” She paused to weather a Chineighs buffet belch. “We're not doing the Cumulus Casino!”

“But it's classy!” Caramel pouted.

“It's also the oldest establishment in Upper Las Pegasus.” Lyra shook her head. “No no... we wanna aim high.” She grinned. “We want glitz, glamour, and a whollllllle lot of flashing lights to mask the tears of gambling. I'm talkin' about a friggin' mountain of slot machines upon which to lay our souls to rest.”

“My goodness, Lyra,” Bon Bon exhaled. “Did we come here for a vacation or for a wake?”

“Same difference, if you ask me,” Lyra said with a chuckle. “Think of it this way, you don't know how good you've got it until you've let yourself sink rock bottom. That's the whole reason Las Pegasus exists! Not everypony can be sent to Tartarus and come back. So we have this place as the mental and psychological equivalent!”

“You could get the same kind of thrill from a mugging in a Manehattan back alley,” Vinyl muttered.

“Pffft! Shut up!” Lyra frowned. “At least back alleys in Manehattan don't come with sexy-ass strip clubs!”

“When was the last time you were at Manehattan?”

Bon Bon giggled.

“I'm not kidding!” Lyra barked. “Sometimes you gotta get low to get high! Ha HA! Isn't that right, Rainbow Dash?”

Silence.

“Rainbow Dash?”

The pegasus flew behind the group. She winced, rubbing her forelimbs together, trying to get a feel through the numbness.

“Hey! Rainbow Dash!” Lyra growled.

“Huh?” Rainbow looked up. “What?”

“You know the place I have in mind, don't you?” Lyra snickered. “Only a thrill-seeking pegasus like you would expect both the best and the worst!”

“Uhhhhhhhhh...” Rainbow Dash blinked. “... … ...can I take the physical challenge?”

“Hey...” Caramel smiled bashfully. “How about Cumulus Casino?”

Bon Bon giggled again.

“Dang it, girls!” Lyra spun and pointed at a sudden skyscraper towering above them. “I'm speaking of the hottest, richest, filthiest casino in all of Las Pegasus! Now feast your eyes!”

Everyone tilted their heads up. Above them loomed a massive structure made to look like it was built on the outside by layers and layers of marble pillars. The effigies of pegasi—frozen in flight—flanked the outer balconies. Big braziers burned, spitting smoke and ashes into the high air. Classical music wafted out of the structure, and airborne taxis and tourist shuttles congregated cyclonically about the scraper.

“Huh... The Last Stand,” Vinyl murmured.

Rainbow glanced aside. “Huh?”

“You know...” Vinyl squinted back. “Commander Hurricane's Last Stand? Named after the mare of legend.”

“And guaranteed to make a Las Pegasus night of legend!” Lyra grinned from ear to ear. “Come on, girls!” She motioned as she galloped ahead. “Let's buckin' mosey!”

“Lyraaaa!” Bon Bon scampered after her. “Wait!”

“Oh wow...” Caramel followed the others. “I bet they have gorgeous shops in there.”

Vinyl sighed and bore a cold smirk. “You heard our mint green leader, Rainbow.” She cleared her throat as she trotted forward. “Put your legs into it.”

“Mrmmfff...” Rainbow flitted after her, approaching the front entrance to the massive casino. “Don't you start...”

When In Roam

An elevator door opened and two sassy pegasi with pastel colored manes trotted across the casino lobby. "And so I told him: 'Don't matter if you were drunk at the time. You ate the placenta. That's commitment! Now pay my damn child support!'"

Rainbow Dash tried her best not to cringe. She flapped her wings so as not to collapse on bent knees. She looked behind her at the two mares, their flanks swishing in unison as they carried their zebra-striped purses out into the coutyard beyond the revolving doors. "Uhm..." Clearing her throat, Rainbow Dash looked ahead. "Tell me again why we didn't settle on gambling and jazz back at Mortuana?"

"Pffft! Are you kidding?!" Lyra trotted backwards for a brief moment. "Rule Number One of Having Even a Snowflake's Chance in Tartarus of Winning Some Cash Here In Las Pegasus!" She winked. "Don't do your gambling at the same hotel you're sleeping at. Cuz if by the astronomical off-chance you do make a bunch of bits, you don't want to make it easy for any would-be-muggers to follow you back to your room and slit your throat in your sleep."

"This mare speaks the truth," Vinyl droned.

"Uh huh..." Rainbow Dash glanced past marble columns, spotting row after row of poker, blackjack, and other card dealing games that she only knew from the occasional comic book crime drama she read when she was bored as a filly. The air rang with electronic symphonics issuing outward from a virtual sea of slot machines, which clashed hideously with the classical Cloudsopolitan architecture and Commander Hurricane statues looming all around. "Soooooooo why do you girls think this is such an enjoyable thing?"

"Well, think of it this way, Rainbow..." Bon Bon spoke with a smile. "None of us have a true statistical likelihood of getting rich."

"And even if we do, the Equestrian Revenue Service is a real female dog, if you know what I mean," Vinyl said.

"I know you do, sunshine," Lyra said, swatting Vinyl's shoulder.

Vinyl sighed.

"But having even the smallest glimpse of a mountain of golden bits—even in passing—well..." Bon Bon giggled inwardly. "It's almost like being rich yourself!" The corner of her smile twitched slightly. "Almost!"

"Yes!" Caramel grinned. "Just like nuzzling a glass slipper for even five seconds almost makes you a princess!"

Dead silence.

"No? Just me?" Caramel rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'm off to check out the shops."

"You're doing it wrong!" Lyra cupped her hooves around her muzzle, shouting after him. "You're supposed to get rich... then splurge! Not the other way around, ya melon fudge!"

"Eat a bag of parasprites, Lyra!"

"Hah!" Lyra slapped her hooves together and spun around. "I'm jazzed! Are you jazzed, B-Squared?"

"I'm jazzed if you are, Lyra!" Bon Bon grinned from ear to ear.

"So how about a round through Deep Pocket Lane?" Lyra offered a forelimb.

Bon Bon hooked it with hers. "Squee!"

And both mares trotted stupidly down the middle lane.

Rainbow watched as they approached one of many, many tables. Not long after, a pale unicorn shuffled up in the mare's peripheral.

"So, then..." Vinyl calmly slicked her bangs back. "What insanely complicated cardgame requiring quick wits and expert fetlock dexterity would you like to participate in?"

"Uhhhhhm..." Rainbow Dash blinked at all the tables and dealers and overseeing cameras. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Clubs, diamonds, hearts, and spades flipped across a glittery gold sea. "Ermmmmmmmm..." She flexed her numb forelimbs, grimacing. "Ehhhhh..."

"Well?" Vinyl raised an eyebrow.

Rainbow cleared her throat. "I know just the thing."

Rainbow Dash strolled up to a bar.

"One cider." She held up a hoof as she sat at the stool, her back to a stage where ponies danced before a live audience. "Frothy. Make it tall." She sighed, rubbing her forehead. "This is going to be a long evening."

"Hmmmm..." Vinyl sat down beside her, gesturing for an identical drink. "I'm inclined to agree."

Barred

"I just don't get it," Rainbow Dash muttered. "I mean—good on Lyra, Bon Bon, and Caramel. But betting is just not my thing."

Vinyl sat beside her, sipping from some cider. "Mmmmhmmm."

"Bits aren't that easy to come by," Rainbow said. "Seems like an awful thing to waste."

"You do know that I've agreed to lend all of you some bits for this excursion," Vinyl said.

"Pffft..." Rainbow smirked bitterly. "I'm not about to leech from your pocket." She sipped. "No matter how deep it may be."

"It's not leeching," Vinyl droned. "It's called a gift, Rainbow."

"Still... even your money isn't worth burning to ashes." Rainbow cleared her throat. "I just... don't get what ponies dig about coming to a place like Las Pegasus and throwing everything away."

"Yes." Vinyl nodded, adjusting her shades. "Because Celestia forbid that you should be into needlessly punishing yourself."

Rainbow arched an eyebrow. "You still on about that?"

"I never flipped the switch off."

"I'll have you know that I do take care of myself, Vinyl."

"Well, I'm all ears."

Rainbow cleared her throat and spoke across the bar. "You know Zecora? Local shaman? Owns a hut inside Everfree? Makes concoctions and is generally all around awesome pony?"

"Of course I do," Vinyl said. "She let me hang out at her place once, collecting percussion samples. The acoustics of her tree-house place are amazing."

"Well, she's been making a brew for me these past few months that undoes the numbness and atrophy in my limbs." Rainbow raised her glass and took a sip. "Makes living a great deal more bearable, if you know what I mean."

"Uh uh." Vinyl nodded. "And how long until she brews up a cure?"

Rainbow Dash fidgeted in her stool. "She hasn't... uhm... she hasn't come up with a cure."

"And is the medicine you're currently taking requiring denser and denser doses to maintain the same effect?"

"Er... m-maybe?"

"Then it's yet another temporary solution staving off the inevitable, isn't it?" Vinyl exhaled. "Have you even consulted Zecora about a permanent cure?"

"She... uh..." Rainbow coughed. "She hasn't promised me anything of the sort."

"Then it seems as though you're in the same old leaky boat, Rainbow."

"Hey, if it wasn't for Zecora—"

"—you'd probably be looking for a permanent solution to your and your dad's ailment," Vinyl said. "Like any other healthy pony."

"Every doctor I've ever been to has told me that there's one solution and one solution alone." Rainbow frowned. "And it's not one I'm willing to settle for."

"So you'll punish yourself over the long term instead?"

"Vinyl, I'd be punishing myself if I settled for a life where I couldn't use my wings. I mean... take a look at me... at what I do for a living." Rainbow sighed, staring down into her drink. "Without flight, I'm pretty much useless."

"You are so long as you tell yourself that," Vinyl said. "I find you to be a very brave, tenacious, supporting equine being. Wings or no wings."

"Are you suggesting that I go on and accept an operation that would leave me grounded?"

Vinyl took a sip and shook her head. "No. I'm suggesting that you give yourself more credit and stop depending so much on one particular state of being." She raised an eyebrow. "All of these months of doting on Applejack, and where has it gotten you?"

"Mmmmm..." Rainbow hung her head. "Nowhere."

"All of these months of depending on doses of a single type of medicine. Are you getting any healthier?"

"I... uh... I-I guess not."

"Then consider switching gears," Vinyl said. "If you've been living your life one way for all this time and it's gotten you nowhere, then maybe it's high time you seriously tried moving in another direction. What do you stand to lose if you haven't gained anything so far?"

Rainbow sighed. "I'm afraid to find out."

"Being afraid of stuff hasn't stopped you before." Vinyl stared at her thoughtfully. At last, she took another sip and said, "Consider this crazy week in Las Pegasus as a send-off."

"A send-off?"

"Yes." Vinyl nodded. "To your past life. And when you return to Ponyville, you will be a whole new mare... with whole new things to pursue."

"Starting with what?" Rainbow muttered. "Lemme guess. A brand new crush on a brand new pony?"

Vinyl shrugged. "Who knows... maybe you'll knock that out tonight."

"Huh?"

"Look where we're sitting. They say there's plenty of fish in the sea. But here? In Hurricane's Last Stand? I'd say we're in a pretty tight net." Vinyl winked. "So go out there in score."

Rainbow squinted at her. "You realize this kind of advice is almost like a snail telling a jack rabbit to breed."

Vinyl shrugged. "Just because I don't dance like the rest of you girls doesn't mean I can't sit and smile in the stands."

"Wow." Rainbow smirked. "What a creep."

"It pays, sister. Let me tell you..."

Exercise Instructor

"I can't expect you to understand this, V, but... like..." Rainbow Dash sighed. "It's been so very long since I... y'know..."

"Uh huh..."

The petite pegasus looked down at her glass. "I just don't know if I actually can. I mean... pfft... sure I can. But building up the nerve?"

"We're in Las Pegasus," Vinyl said, sipping. "Ponies who congregate here have lost their 'nerve' ages ago. I doubt you should have much to be self-conscious of."

"Right. Guess you do have a point." Rainbow nodded into the glittery aura of the place. She turned to squint at her drinking companion. "Even still... maybe I'm better off not trying."

Vinyl shrugged. "Nopony's forcing you."

"It... seems so stress inducing for no reason."

"Although I've been told it's a good way to relieve stress."

Rainbow smirked. "Or maybe I could just try eternal abstinence. Like you."

"Hey, if you wish, all the better." Vinyl cleared her throat. "But... I dunno, Rainbow."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Vinyl's lips tightened. "I've never known a pony more desperate for cuddles than you."

"Not even Caramel?"

"Caramel could ask for cuddles any day and she'd get them. But you? You gotta fight for that stuff. You want so desperately to be loved, and yet you feel as though you have to earn it. So—let's say you decided to swear off romance and intimacy forever. Would you really be meaning it? Or would it just be another weird, nebulous, roundabout way of punishing yourself?"

"Gnnngh..." Rainbow face-hoofed. "Now you're starting to confuse me."

"All I'm saying is that you shouldn't go against who you are."

"But you're suggesting that who I am is pretty unhealthy."

"Well..." Vinyl exhaled. "Certain frailties aside, I'm saying that you shouldn't swear off being with other mares entirely if that is what you know inside your heart will make you feel most fulfilled. Just... learn to lighten up." She squinted. "Stop aiming for setting suns on the horizon. Steer for the lighthouses along the shore. For all we know, they might lead you to warmer waters... safer waters."

Rainbow sighed. "I can tell you're trying to coach me positively, but... you really don't have to try so hard, Vinyl. I know I'm a pretty hopeless case."

"I don't feel hopeless around you, Rainbow," Vinyl said. "In fact, none of the girls do."

"You really think so?"

"Something about you inspires confidence... and the courage to strive against all odds," Vinyl said. "It's just a shame that you feel as though you have to fight for everything that you richly deserve."

"Yeah, well, it's my own fault for desiring the impossible."

"Rainbow, you could have had the 'impossible' ages ago if you only allowed yourself."

Rainbow bit her lip.

Vinyl took the last sip of her drink and rested a hoof on Rainbow's shoulder. "But let's not dwell on that. Choices have been made. Paths have been paved. It's time to move on. And I think—and I'm pretty sure you would agree—that warmth and companionship is what you have awaiting for you in the future. It's just a matter of finding out who."

"Uh huh..." Rainbow sighed. "And in the meantime?"

Vinyl smiled. "I don't think it'd hurt you to get a bit of exercise... ya feel me?"

"Yeah, I feel you," Rainbow muttered. "Friggin' glad I wasn't getting advice from Lyra, or else I'd be sandwiched in the middle of an entire hoofball team by now."

"Thanks. And now I feel like vomiting."

"Heheh..."

An Octagonal Peg

Rainbow Dash lowered the glass from her muzzle, stifled a belch, and slurred: "Okay... young mothers in yoga pants."

Vinyl shook her head. "Nope."

"Really?" Rainbow teetered slightly, smelling the whiff of cider from her own breath. "Not even yoga pants? Yoga pants, girl."

Vinyl smiled slightly. "Just makes me think of mid-life crises."

"Okay, uhmmm..." Rainbow Dash tapped her chin, squinted across the theatre seats behind them, and eventually blurted: "Firefighters. I mean... like... big strapping stallions in firefighter boots."

Vinyl shook her head again. "Not even in the least."

"You gotta be kidding me! Everypony's gay for firefighters!" Rainbow hiccuped, then slapped her chest. "Or straight. Or both."

"All I can think of are photographs of poor families huddled over their burnt out homes."

"Is that how you stay non-sexual?" Rainbow squinted. "You change every kink into a negative thought?"

"Not negative thoughts, really," Vinyl said. "Just... down-to-earth ones." She cleared her throat. "And it's not non-sexual. It's asexual."

"What's the difference?"

"One's neutered, the other isn't."

"So... like..." Rainobw Dash cocked her head to the side. "Is there anything you are attracted to?"

"Sure."

Rainbow blinked. "Do tell."

Vinyl leaned back, adjusting her shades in thought. Eventually, she bore a calm smile. "I'm attracted to the adjustable faucet nozzle of my shower back in Ponyville."

Silence, save for the murmur of distant casino crowds.

"I don't know if that's sad or enviable," Rainbow slurred.

Vinyl shrugged. "It gets the job done."

"You must hate going on super long tours."

"Hey... hotels have nice showers too," Vinyl said. "Take our suite back at Mortuana, for example—"

"Oh, ick..." Rainbow Dash flapped her forelimbs, grimacing. "Stop right there."

Vinyl chuckled. "There really isn't much to describe."

"Just answer me this..." Rainbow Dash pointed. "Let's say the golden opportunity happened to you one day... would you say 'no?'"

"Describe a 'golden opportunity.'"

Rainbow Dash fumbled for a moment. Her eyes swept across the bar, the walls, the plush carpet. At last—with a devious smirk—she said: "You're check into a hotel late at night because you missed the last train to Ponyville. So you've got an entire twenty-four hours to kill, and six of those hours are being spent just... lazing around in a hotel lobby, waiting for a room to clear. Then—out of the rain comes this smoking hot mare. She's also a musician. Let's say... a violinist—"

"Oh, violinists are always stuck up—"

"I'm not finished!" Rainbow Dash fought another hiccup and continued: "I mean... she's—like—a total friggin' babe. Would turn gay stallions straight and straight stallions even straighter. A fillyfooler's wet dream. I'm talkin' friggin' Neighagra Falls wet. Coat as soft as silk. Charcoal black hair that fans out like a stormfront. Eyes painted a burnt gray, as though she's survived the fires of her very own hawtness. And she stumbles over to the seat next to yours, just... dripping with rainwater and humidity. She sniffles, her eyes and cheeks all puffy, cuz she's super sad over losing her bit bag to a rain gutter. 'Excuse me, Miss!' she coos in this adorable accent... like she just trotted out of the posh streets of Trottingham. 'I am lost and I need a helpin' hoof to guide me to safe sanctuary. May you be so kind as to lend me a few bits so that I may sleep inside a phone booth tonight? I'm not askin' for much!' And—like—she slips on a puddle and sorta... pours herself into your forelimbs, all soft and warm and weak and draping. And she doesn't have the strength to stand back up. She's all sobs and sighs, and you're the only soul that can bring her back to the surface. And maybe... just maybe... after all of the cuddling and cute giggles, you might find that you both have a like-minded interest in music... maybe enough to make a remix album together."

Silence.

Vinyl yawned. "Mmmm... I'd just lend her bits and be on my way. No doubt she's been through an awful lot and needs some time to cope and regain her senses. The mare's awfully distraught and it'd be super terrible of me to take advantage of it, not like I'd have anything to gain, really, unless her uncle in Trottingham is a plumber."

"Really?" Rainbow Dash frowned. "Nothing remotely... smexy is triggered in all of that?"

"I'm sure if that happened in real life, I'd be put off even more by the mildewy smell of her soaking wet mane."

"Guh! That description was supposed to be sexy, you darn loaf of plain white bread!" Rainbow's voice sputtered. She hung her head, wincing from intoxicated dizziness. "Whewwww... not a good time for lambasting... urp..."

"You're barking up the wrong tree, Rainbow," Vinyl said with a breathy chuckle. "More like a stump, really."

"Don't sell yourself short, Vinyl." Rainbow belched. "You're pretty hot in your own way."

"Nah... I'm not..."

"Pfft! You're just denying it 'cuz you don't care." Rainbow smirked slyly. "You've got a shiny clean coat, a mystical pair of red eyes, a snazzy electric blue mane."

"It's just the DJ-P0N3 image." Vinyl shrugged. "My manager thought it up... even though he sports a mohawk—"

"Plus! You're smart and rich. Guys are into half of that, I promise you. Mares... well... they'll respect you for one half and lean on the other, but that's at least one half more than guys."

"You ever did it with a stallion?"

"Ew... buck no!" Rainbow Dash wheezed.

"Heh..." Vinyl winked. "Then who are you to talk?"

"HIC!" Rainbow gulped. "Although Rarity did try to match me up with one recently."

"That's adorable," Vinyl said. "And also kind of sad."

"Eh, he's a cool dude. We've remained friends. Plus..." Rainbow sipped at an empty glass and frowned. "...he's good at catching references."

"What's his name?"

"My... head's too foggy at the moment." Rainbow rubbed her skull. "Essay Quill Checker or something... mrmmff... what time is it?"

"Too early for you to be drunk."

Rainbow sighed. "That's what I was afraid of. Next thing you know, I'll be try to talk you out of being asexual."

Vinyl squirmed in her seat. "Yes, well..."

"There you are!" Bon Bon's voice cackled from a distance. "Lyraaaa! I found them!"

"About dayum time!" Lyra and the other mare wandered up to the bar. "By Hurricane's nether forests! You two soaking in it already?"

"Yes and no," Vinyl said, swiveling about in her stool. "Are you both broke yet?"

"Eeeeeeee!" Bon Bon did a tiny jig, smiling cheekily. "Nope nope nope! You'll never guess what happened!"

"You're pregnant."

"Vinylll! Don't even joke!" Bon Bon stuck her tongue out. "You tell 'em, Lyra!"

"Three thousand bits!" Lyra bellowed.

"You lost all of that?!" Rainbow Dash grimaced. "And here I almost felt bad for dipping into the cider—"

"No, we won that, ya talkin' port-a-potty!" Lyra sang. "Check it!" She lifted a thick back jingling with coinage.

Rainbow blinked. "Whoah..."

"Hey, way to go," Vinyl droned.

Bon Bon squinted. "You don't seem too surprised."

Vinyl shrugged. "I was half-expecting to bail most of you out. That's why I saved up for this month."

Bon Bon shook her head. "You'll never cease to amaze me, girl."

"Trade secret."

"Anywho..." Lyra grinned. "This is three thousand bits more than I expected to get from this whole mess, so I figured I'd splurge on two thousand of 'em!"

"Las Pegasus vacay is a go!" Bon Bon cheered.

Lyra glared aside. "You already gave a similar victory shout."

"Yes! But this time I can afford it! Heehee!"

"We can afford it!" Lyra smirked. "I'm splitting this up among all of us crazy bastards! Well, maybe not Vinyl, cuz she's secretly the Duchess of Canterlot beneath all those shades or some shit."

"Again..." Vinyl brushed her bangs back. "Trade secret."

"You won three thousand bits while I wasn't even looking..." Rainbow Dash thought aloud. She shrugged and licked at the edges of her glass. "...if my life was a storybook, it has one heck of a lazy author."

"None of that, now! It's go-time!" Bon Bon hoisted Rainbow off her stool.

"Whoah!" The numb pegasus stumbled to keep up with her.

"Come onnnn!" Bon Bon bounced gaily towards the theatre's exit. "We gotta find Caramel! Heehee! Lucky gal gets to be princess for a day!"

Rainbow wheezed. "What am I?! The poopsmith?!"

Do Unto Dowry

"Hey! Caramel!" Bon Bon called out, waving a hoof. She scampered across a lofty balcony of The Last Stand's spacious interior shopping plaza. "There you are, girl! Hold up!"

Lyra and Vinyl trotted briskly after her.

Rainbow Dash... flew into a pillar. Bonk! "Nnngh..." She winced, rubbing her dizzy forehead as she hovered tipsily. "Uhm... ow?"

Meanwhile, Caramel stood outside a posh dress shop. He spun about, then perked at the sight of the four mares. "Oh! Hi!" A gentle smile. "Done gambling already?"

"You would never guessed what happened, Caramel," Bon Bon said, grinning wide. She took a deep breath—

"We're rich as shit," Lyra said.

Bon Bon pouted. "Darn it!" She stomped her hoof. "I was gonna build it up all snazzy'n'stuff!"

"Uhhhhhhh..." Caramel's nose scrunched. "I'm confused."

"Bon Bon and Lyra won a bunch of bits," Vinyl explained. "And in a remarkable show of intelligence, they decided to settle on their winnings."

"Figured we share the two thousand bits between the five of us!" Bon Bon grinned. "That means four hundred apiece to splurge!"

"Wow..." Caramel's muzzle hung agape. "You... you're serious?"

"Happy Hearth's Warming, girl!" Bon Bon said, giggling. "It may not be enough to treat yourself like a princess, but it c-can't hurt!"

"Bon Bon and I are gonna share our earnings," Lyra said with a wink. "Get rotten drunk and moist."

Bon Bon blinked. "We are?"

"This... this is really awesome, gals." Caramel turned to smile at the shop. "And... really snazzy timing too."

"Oh?" Rainbow Dash floated over, blinking one eye after the other. She wobbled in midair. "What's the snazzining?"

Caramel squinted. "Is... Rainbow drunk?"

"She's going for the world record," Lyra droned. "A real good start if you ask me."

"I'm... I'm good..." Rainbow waved a hoof, smiling thinly. "Just... a little f-fuzzy." She fought a hiccup. "So what's with the dress hut?"

"Well... I was looking at some really glamorous numbers. Just... y'know... fantasizing for a year or two from now when I'm..." Caramel gulped. "Eh... just daydreaming."

"Daydreaming my plush peach flank!" Bon Bon frowned, stomping her hoof again. "This is your opportunity to treat yourself to something pretty and you deserve it!"

"Yesh..." Rainbow Dash veered. "Totally served it..."

Vinyl steadied the pegasus, then glanced over at Caramel. "Think of it as a reward for when you come out of your operation."

"That could be years from now."

"There's your problem right there," Vinyl said. "Thinking of everything in the future tense! Seize what's ahead of you. Have faith."

Caramel sighed. At last, he smiled. "You're all so very, very swell."

"I'm swelling alright," Rainbow murmured, rubbing her head.

"But... uhm..." Caramel cleared his throat. "It's a really conservative place..."

"Yeah?" Bon Bon blinked. "So?"

"Erm... what I mean is... eheh..." Caramel fidgeted. "The dressing rooms are for mares only. So... probably best that I just store the bits away for when I can shop here for real."

Lyra tapped her chin in thought.

"Uhm..." Rainbow Dash kept her bleary eyes locked on Caramel. Meanwhile, she floated sideways and murmured something in Lyra's ears.

Lyra blinked, then glanced aside. "You really are pissed drunk, aren't you?"

"Mrmmmf..." Rainbow shrugged. "Just thought it might be a good idea."

"It's a damn good idea! That's my point!" Lyra smirked. "Alright, girl. Lead us inside."

Caramel blinked. "Huh?"

"Rainbow just thought up the best way to lend you a hoof. We're not about to leave you hanging—even if nature is. Now lead the way!"

Life, the Funway

"Thanks, Rainbow," Caramel said. He fidgeted while sitting on a booth besides a semi-circle of mirrors at the rear of the lavish dress store. "I can't believe I didn't think of this myself."

"Hmmmm..." Rainbow nodded, eyelids heavy. "Quarter circle forward... buck..."

"Huh?"

"Guhhh!" Rainbow snapped awake, fighting dizziness. She sat next to him with a crooked smile. "Hey, I'm not as think as you drunk I am!"

"... ... ...uh huh."

"What's taking you girls so long?" Rainbow hiccuped.

"Hold your whores!" Lyra's voice spat, followed by stomping hooves. "I can't believe the buttons they put on these gowns these days." At last, she emerged from the dressing room, followed by two other shapes. Lyra wore a shiny blue number with white lace accents and silk blue ribbons. "Ta-friggin'-daaaaaaaaaaaaa."

"Oh..." Caramel's eyes sparkled as he clamped a pair of hooves over his muzzle. "Oh goddess alive, that's shiny."

"Yeah, you could stand at an intersection and slow down traffic in this thing," Lyra droned.

"No, that would be my dress!" Bon Bon's voice said.

"Who asked you?!"

"Uhm..." Caramel smiled, pointing at the mirrors. "Would you mind standing over there so I can see all sides?"

"Egads, what is this, the Las Pegasus Runway?" Lyra nevertheless winked as she sashayed past him. "Only because you're so cute'n'shit." She stood between the mirrors and stuck a lazy pose. "Voila. Am I ballroom material or what?"

"Heeeeeeeee..." Caramel sighed dreamily. "It would just match my eyes! I know it!"

Rainbow leaned in. "How... uhhh... HIC! H-how do we know it will fit your juju... or whatchu?"

"Uhm..." Caramel blushed slightly. "All of the dresses I've picked out are available in slightly smaller sizes."

"I thought you were goin' for a wa-wa change, not a weight change," Lyra said.

"Many who go through the operation are... uhm... known to 'shrink' a bit."

"No kidding?" Lyra smirked, turning about in the dress. "Guess you lose more than twenty-one grams when you're destallionized."

Bon Bon trotted out in a yellow dress with red rose motifs. "What's this about sugar?"

"No, we're not talking about grams of sugar." Lyra rolled her eyes, making room for Bon Bon to pose in her place. "Friggin' Confectioners, I swear to Luna's tail-hole."

"Ah-ah-ahem..." Bon Bon put on a big, shiny grin, posing and fluffing her mane. "Am I gorgeous yet?"

"Hehehe..." Caramel squeezed his forelimbs together, smiling. "It's looks perfect on you!"

"But will it look perfect on you?" Bon Bon asked. "The future you?"

"I think it matches your coat a bit too much," Rainbow said.

"Why, that's a good point." Caramel blinked. "I didn't know you had an eye for fashion."

"Hic! Blame Rarity. Being around her has given me Sewing Transmitted Diseases."

"Hehe... you're funny when you're tipsy." Caramel smiled. "You sure you don't want to try on a dress yourself?"

"What? Me? Nah..." Rainbow waved a hoof, teetering slightly. "In my state, I wouldn't want to get sweat on the gown..." She squirmed. "...or other... ulp... j-juices."

Vinyl Scratch stepped in. "What's this about juices?"

Caramel sucked his breath in.

The whole dressing area went dead quiet as the mirrors reflected a glittery violet hue.

"What?" Vinyl raised an eyebrow. With her shades off, she squinted past hanging blue bangs as she stood before the group in a gown made of shiny purple ribbons and elegang dangling sashes. "I didn't put it on backwards, did I?"

"Vinyl..." Lyra hissed through her teeth. "Holy shit, girl."

"What's the matter?"

"You're..." Caramel murmured.

"You're friggin' gorgeous," Rainbow belched. She rubbed her eyes and squinted. "I'm not even kidding."

"Yes..." Bon Bon murmured, muzzle agape. "What she said."

"...?" Vinyl raised a hoof, glancing down at herself. "Hrmmmf... if you say so."

"Friggin' A..." Lyra's nostrils flared as she folded her forlimbs in her dress. "We've got a knock-out babe amongst us and it's the one with the sexual proclivities of a brick."

"You're welcome." Vinyl turned towards Caramel. "So... do you like them or not?"

"Yes, Caramel?" Bon Bon smiled. "Which of these three do you prefer?"

"Mmmmmm..." Caramel squeaked inwardly. His ears drooped as he said, "Would you be mad at me if I said all th-three?"

Bon Bon giggled. "Good answer!"

"Best answer," Rainbow said.

"Then—grnnnghh! Why'd we have to friggin' model in the first place if she was gonna pick all three?!" Lyra cackled, causing Vinyl and Bon Bon to chuckle.

Vacation Softener

"Heeeeeeeeeeeee..." Caramel trotted happily along, balancing a series of shiny shopping bags on his flank.

Bon Bon smiled while trotting alongside him. "You happy now, girl?"

"Heeeeeeeeeeeee..."

Lyra blew bangs out from before her face. "For real. You glad that you got that shit out of your system?"

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeee..."

"Fillies and gentlecolts, we have a winner," Vinyl droned. The group sauntered past a series of marble pillars, navigating a floor of Commander Hurricane's Last Stand sandwiched directly beneath the upper shopping department and above the lower casinos. The sound of band music and heavy bass speakers formed a commercial cacophony in the central promenade. "What are you going to do, Caramel? Stuff those someplace for safe keeping?"

"Yeah..." Lyra yawned. "A frozen pink cryostorage area."

"I will be hanging these in a good place, thank you very much," Caramel said with a smile and a nod. "I can't express my gratitude enough, girls. This is something I will be looking forward to with great joy."

"You... uh... are going to be shopping for some casual stuff, yes?" Bon Bon blinked. "After all of the time and expense being put into your operation, I can't imagine you'll be able to afford ballroom dancing every night."

"Heehee... no. But it's the thought that counts."

Rainbow Dash flew at the rear of the group. She was starting to regain her wits—if only to be once more lucid to her lack of senses. As the drunken haze dwindled from her system, she realized to what extent her numbness was a problem in and of itself, and not a side effect of excessive cider. She sighed more than once, flapping her wings as she caught up with her friends.

In Rainbow's peripheral vision, she saw a pair of eyes reflecting. For a moment, she could have sworn somepony was looking at her.

"... ... ...?" Rainbow spun her head, squinting.

She could have sworn she saw the flicker of a pony's mane swishing as a head turned away from staring her way. The detail was soon lost in the opulent shopping crowd across The Last Stand.

Rainbow blinked, ears twitching.

"...isn't that right, Rainbow?" Caramel said.

"Guuhhhh..." Rainbow snapped out of it, turning towards the stallion. "Huh?"

"That was realkly clever of you," Caramel said. "If it wasn't for your suggestion, I'd be trotting out of that place empty-hoofed."

"And empty-hearted!" Bon Bon chirped.

"Yeah! Heehee! What she said!"

"Eh... forget about it." Rainbow waved a hoof. "Just didn't want you moping around on your vacay." She cleared her throat. "I mean... honestly... who does that?" She fidgeted in mid-flight, glancing over her shoulder once again.

"Well, Caramel," Bon Bon said. "You've still got some spending money to work with. Wanna treat yourself some more tonight?"

"Oh, I bet the rest of you are really... really wanting to do something wild and enjoyable," Bon Bon said.

"Oh right!" Lyra perked up. "Holy shit! We've got bits to burn!" She pumped a hoof in midair. "Let's go crazy! Yeah!"

"So, what?" Bon Bon smirked. "More gambling? Bungie jumping? Rent our own stretch carriage?"

"I think we should do something unique," Vinyl said.

"Yeah..." Bon Bon nodded.

"Something special..."

"Yeah!"

"Something that's wild and out of this world and totally abnormal!"

"Yeah! Yeah!" Bon Bon grinned. "Sign me up!"

Lyra sat down at on a bar stool. "Vodka. Hard as balls."

"Hard lemonade!" Bon Bon said, giggling.

"Cider," Vinyl droned.

"Something with pineapple, pleeeeeeeease..." Caramel said, batting his eyelashes.

"Coming right up!" The bartender said, trotting across the golden establishment.

The five huddled at the bar, surrounded by pegasopolitan statues, torches, and artistic motifs. In just the other room, ponies congregated in a dance hall, raving away.

"So... uh..." Rainbow Dash sat on her stool, rubbing her forelimbs together. "...a bar."

"Not just any bar!" Bon Bon smirked. "A super bar."

"I coulda sworn you all wanted to... I dunno..." Rainbow shrugged. "Get filthy another way."

"Pffft. You bucking kidding?" Lyra cracked the joints in her neck. "Gotta get friggin' pissed first! Peel those inhibitions off like dragon smegma."

"Actually, dragonflesh burns and bleeds just like any other—" Rainbow bit her own tongue. "Eh... never mind."

"Besides. Just cuz you and Vinyl got tipsy doesn't mean Bon Bon and I have gotta live this night out dry!" Lyra nudged the mare next to her. "Isn't that right, B-Squared!"

"Hmmmmmm..." Bon Bon smiled, her eyes sparkling as they reflected the unicorn beside her. "Whatever you say, Lyraaaaaaaaa..."

"Pffft... Lyra levitated a pretzel from a jar and bit into it. "Friggin' weirdo."

"...Not really makin' it."

"You sure you don't want anything, Rainbow Dash?" Caramel asked.

"Hmmm?" Rainbow looked up, blinking. "Oh... uh..." She leaned against the bar with a sigh, rubbing her forelimbs together. "I had a glass earlier."

"Two glasses," Vinyl said, glancing at Rainbow's forelimbs.

Rainbow gulped. "So... I think I'm gonna pass for now. Thanks, though." She smiled up at Lyra and Bon Bon. "And thank you for the extra moolah."

"Hey..." Lyra shrugged. "Element of Generosity at its best."

Rainbow blinked. "You do realize that my friend Rarity is the Element of Generosity, right?"

"Pffft! She's a poser!" Lyra sipped from her vodka, grimaced with delight, and continued. "Who here shares her flatulence with at least a dozen ponies each day?"

Silence.

"Come on!" Lyra slapped Bon Bon's shoulder. "Who."

Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "You do, Lyraaaaa."

"Damn straight!" Lyra pointed. "And that's for free!"

Vinyl chuckled.

"But Rarity? Carousel Boutique owner? Pffft... she keeps it all in." Lyra took another sip, wincing. "A creature with inhibitions is a creature of questionable generosity."

"I don't think it's a matter of inhibitions, silly pony," Bon Bon said, sticking her tongue out. She hiccuped and sipped more from her hard lemonade. "But, rather, manners."

"Pfft! Manners only make the mare because a mare once made them up! We should be natural! Free! Musical!" The air lit up with a slight tooting sound. "You're welcome."

"Guhhh!" Bon Bon waved a hoof. "Lyraaaaa!"

"What?" Lyra smirked. "So what if my friends know me inside and out."

"Buhhhhhh..." Caramel teetered.

"Two pineapple shots," Vinyl remarked. "Somepony's brave."

"No... I'm... I-I'm good..." Caramel waved a hoof, smiling crookedly. "Just... buh... dress happy."

"Yo!" A passing group of youngsters fumbled to a stop in the middle of the establishment, staring wide-eyed at the bar. "DJ-P0N3!"

"Wuh oh." Rainbow smirked. "You've been found, V."

"Hmmm?" Vinyl turned around. "Ah yes. That."

"That... never happens back in Ponyville," Bon Bon remarked.

"There's a reason for that," Vinyl took another sip of her cider and stood up. "Yo yo yo what's up?!" she spoke in a suddenly jubilant tone.

Lyra and Rainbow exchanged blank expressions.

"Wow! It really is you!" The stallion nearly fainted. "Yo, girl, your dubtrot shiet is so dope! I especially love your Daft Pony remixes!"

"Pffft... you know DJ-P0N3!" Vinyl grinned wide. "When I drop that bass, I drop it dirty! I don't care whose original tunes I gotta smear all over to make righteous as rain, donkeee!"

Bon Bon nearly choked on her lemonade.

Rainbow and Lyra mouthed: "'Donkeee?'"

"Haha! Wow! You rock! Say... uhm... I hate to be that guy... but can I get an autograph?"

"Pffft! Hellz bucking yeah, dude!" Vinyl levitated a pen. "Where do you want it? And—careful..." She smirked slyly. "Last cool cat who asked me to sign his groin ended up limping for a week."

"Heheheh... my hoofball cap would be soooooooo dope! I'd share it with everypony I see!"

"You bet, champ!" As the stallion leaned over, Vinyl signed her name across it. "What's your name, buddy?"

"Uhm..." The stallion blushed. "Logan."

"Is that a fact?"

"Hehehe... yup!

"Well, lemme give you the low down, Logan." Vinyl finished scribbling her name and leaned back. "Life is a song. Even if you reach the bridge, don't let it stop you from rocking to a killer chorus!"

"Heeeee... wow! That's... soooooooo smart! You must know everything about music!"

"It's in my blood. Now it's in yours." Vinyl stuck her tongue out, pumping both forelimbs. "Wub on, duuuuuuuuude!"

"Heehee! Wub on! Yeah!" The stallion waved and shuffled off. His buddies playfully shoved him and laughed.

Vinyl coughed, swiveled around on the stool, and calmly sipped from her cider. After feeling the eyes of her drinking buddies, she cleared her throat and droned, "And that's why I live anonymously in Ponyville."

"Wow, girl..." Bon Bon blinked. "I had no idea you possessed... possessed..."

Vinyl raised an eyebrow. "Charm?"

Bon Bon smiled bashfully. "More like an 'off switch.'"

"You have to be full of surprises to say in the game," Vinyl said.

"She's right about that," Rainbow said.

"Dayum... you sure you aren't hetero?" Lyra said. "Cuz a talent for fakin' it shouldn't go to waste!"

Caramel spat out his pineapple shot. "Holy fudge!"

The rest of the ponies laughed.

Goddess Darn It, Bon Bon

"Oye..." Caramel rested his head in his hooves.

Vinyl raised an eyebrow. "Too many shots?"

"Oye..." He replied.

Lyra sipped at the last of her vodka. "Mmmm..." She swallowed, allowed the drink to settle, and slurred: "I think a certain princess has reached her limit."

"Funny..." Bon Bon squinted. "Caramel downs more than that back home in Ponyville."

"Maybe it's all of the excitement," Rainbow Dash murmured.

"Hey there, booty-ful!" Lyra leaned towards Caramel, smirking. "Is everything hunkey-dorey in your mix-and-stirry?"

"Mmmmf... Las Pegasus drinks... are f-funky..." Caramel murmured.

Rainbow shrugged. "Desert precipitation ain't like Ponyville rain."

"I think I need to visit the little colt's room," Caramel stammered.

"Don't you mean the little fillies' room?" Lyra suggested.

"The little something's room," Caramel grunted. "Something with linoleum bowls to match my current orifices."

"Heheh..." Lyra smirked. "I like your gumption! Hop along, gal pal." She jumped off her stool and lent Caramel a hoof. "We'll find some place waterproof. That is a promise."

"Urp... th-thank you..." Caramel hobbled after her. "Erm... my dresses—"

"We have an eye on them," Vinyl said. "Maybe even six."

"Uhm... you got er, Lyra?" Vinyl stammered. "Or do you need some help with—?"

"Hey! Lemme stroke the gland of karma on my own for once, B-squared!"

The earth pony fidgeted. "You sure?"

"No. I hear the harps are pretty lame in heaven. But we'll be good. You gals just sit tight and try not to make love to each other." Lyra patted Caramel's back as she led him to the far end of the establishment. "Trot this way, girl. Yes... like the Aeroatsmith song..."

"Heeheee... the boat is rocking..."

"... ... ...'kay."

"Hmmmmf..." Vinyl smirked rotating her own glass. "I knew we'd all get smashed at some point or another. Never figured Caramel would be the first."

"You're joking, right?" Rainbow remarked.

"Girl's pretty reserved," Vinyl said. "I guess this vacation is inspiring her to let loose."

"Friggin' Tartarus, Vinyl," Rainbow remarked. "I wish we could all 'let loose' like Caramel. We might live longer."

"Heh. True that."

In the meantime, Bon Bon stared off across the establishment. Her ears folded above her head while her face hung long. A pair of warm eyes reflected a mint-green shape until it was no longer visible.

Rainbow Dash gazed at her. After a breath, she cleared her throat and muttered: "Caramel's not the only mare who can let loose."

"Hmmm?" Bon Bon remarked, staring across the bar.

Rainbow leaned in. "Just one conversation, Bon Bon. That's all it'll take."

Bon Bon blinked. "What do you mean?"

"I'm from a better position to smack her upside the head," Vinyl spoke into her glass. "Want me to, Rainbow?"

"Huh?" Bon Bon made a wincing expression.

"You and Lyra are always going to remain friends if you never do anything," Rainbow muttered. "Now, if that's what you want, then it's cool."

"Of course I want us to remain friends!" Bon Bon gulped, fidgeting with her forelimbs. "Just... nice... kind..." A warm smile lit her muzzle. "...funny, intelligent, adorable, sexy friends."

"Nnnnghh..." Rainbow facehoofed.

"I don't get what you see in her, personally," Vinyl said.

"What she said," Rainbow pointed.

Bon Bon spun to blink at Vinyl. "Well of course you don't see it!"

"Hey. I still have a brain."

"Beneath Lyra's admirably forward exterior, she's very creative, inspiring, and... soft. So, so very soft and she just doesn't know it," Bon Bon cooed. "Probably because she's never had a pony whom she's trusted enough to open herself up and share that very precious part of herself."

"Seems like a leap of faith to me."

"No, you don't get it, Vinyl. We've had talks... long, long talks and... and I feel so flattered to have had her share so much with me and... and..." Bon Bon winced even harder. "Oh Celestia..."

"What?" Rainbow blinked. "What is it?"

"I... I think..." Bon Bon shivered, as if monumental weights of horror were dragging down the furthest edges of her muzzle. "I... think..." A heavy gulp. "...I-I might be in love."

Vinyl nearly fell out of her stool.

Rainbow took a deep breath, smiling crookedly. "Do tell..."

Wagoneering

"Bon Bon..." Vinyl Scratch spoke. "...we're talking about a mare who—when a group of Wildebeest Ambassadors rolled through Ponyville on their way to Canterlot—she made a very crass and audible joke about the Zebraharan Holocaust within earshot of the biggest and most muscular of the dignitaries." Her nostrils flared. "How could you possibly be in love with that?"

"But you don't understannnnnnd..." Bon Boon teetered in her stool. "That's just Lyra's way of getting attention!"

"Insulting the memories of countless dead zebras?"

"No no no!" Bon Bon briefly frowned, then smiled again, eyelashes fluttering. "Deep inside that mare is a lonely soul calling out for help! I just know it!" She gulped. "Being ugly... being insulting... being rude..." A shrug. "That's her combating her own desire for closeness and intimacy. Every time she feels like sharing her true feelings, she lashes out and pushes other ponies away."

"Uh huh..."

"I..." Bon Bon smiled. "...I would love to be the pony who finally frees her from the shackles of her own insecurities. I mean... can you all imagine a Lyra who isn't so abrasive?"

Vinyl took a sip of her drink. "No."

"Vinylllll..." Bon Bon folded her forelimbs and frowned. "She'd be amazing! Unstoppable, even! I really, truly believe the mare has enough talent to make it big as a music performer!"

"Pffft..." Rainbow smirked. "You serious?"

"Absolutely! You should listen to her go on and on about her teaching career! It's an abysmal hole in the wall of her career!" Bon Bon sighed. "And she deserves more..."

"I think what Lyra deserves is a swift smack upside the horn, most of the time," Vinyl said.

Rainbow pointed. "What DJ-P0N3 said."

"I think Lyra deserves a second chance..."

"And a third and a fourth and a fifth—"

"Whatever it takes!" Bon Bon exclaimed. "I think she's been so successful in pushing other ponies away throughout the years that she... sh-she doesn't know how much she's missing... and how much she's truly capable of if she attempted to enjoy life for all its warmth and not its cold, dark, emptiness."

"You're a very kind mare, Bon Bon," Vinyl said. "But, if you ask me, you're barking up the wrong tree." She took another sip. "More like coughing down the wrong thorn bush."

"Yes..." Bon Bon's eyes sparkled. "...but that only means a rose can blooooom."

"Oye." Vinyl smirked. "Okay. I trotted right into that one."

"Bon Bon, have..." Rainbow Dash fidgeted where she sat. "H-have you ever thought that... that this is all just..."

"What, Rainbow?"

Rainbow looked at her squarely. "A huge, foalish crush?"

Bon Bon slowly nodded. "Yes. I have thought that. But—considering all the time I've spent with Lyra, witnessing her crass humor and rough opinions—you'd think that would have faded away eventually."

"It hasn't?"

Bon Bon shook her head. "No." She smiled. "I still think of Lyra constantly. If anything, her personality... eggs me on..."

"Eggs you on?" Vinyl remarked.

Rainbow gazed off into the distance. "You find Lyra to be a challenge."

Bon Bon's eyes twitched.

"A grand... irresistible challenge," Rainbow continued. "And if you don't make an attempt to cross that river between you, after all this time, it'll make you feel like you've wasted a good portion of your life."

Vinyl glanced between Rainbow and Bon Bon.

Bon Bon sighed. "Yes..." She bore a bittersweet smile. "Yes, I do believe that sums it up."

"Well, we're crazy enough to be in a place like this already," Rainbow said. She shrugged. "What's one more act of insanity?"

Bon Bon stared down into the bar counter. She lifted her drink, took a sip of it, and eventually exhaled. "I... just might consider it." Her lips curved as a rosiness spread across her muzzle. "Mmmmmm... yes. Just might."

Rainbow blinked. She felt a tingling in her forelimbs... and eventually grumbled. Turning about, she raised a hoof at the bartender. "One cider, please. Make it tall."

Bon Bon blinked.

"Rainbow, you... sure about that?" Vinyl asked.

"Yeah," Rainbow muttered, eyes reflecting a tall yellow glass as it slid over. "Pretty dang sure..."

Into the Lion's Dank

"Whazzup, bitches?" Lyra belched as she returned with Caramel in tow. "The prodigal something-or-rathers are back from Bathroomland... open 'til fireworks."

"Oh!" Bon Bon smiled, squeezing her forelimbs together. "H-hiya, Lyra!"

"Hi yourself, peach-flanks." Lyra yawned. "Anyhooch, I think Caramel's ready to call it a night."

"Oh?" Bon Bon glanced over. "Didn't get everything out of your system, I'm guessing?"

"I'm feeling much better, really." Caramel smiled gently. "Just..." He fought a yawn. "I've got some really fabulous dresses that need to go back to the hotel. And so I got to thinking that... well... I think I've had my fun for the day."

"Just when it was starting to get good too," Lyra said, eyebrows wagging.

"Want us to call you an air cab?" Bon Bon asked.

"I'll take care of it," Vinyl said. "In fact, I'll ride with her."

"Awwwwwwwww shit, girl." Lyra frowned. "You're bailing too?"

"Well, considering where you all want to go next, I doubt I'd be of much moral support," Vinyl said.

"Morality has nothing to do with it, four eyes!" Lyra cackled.

Bon Bon giggled.

"Precisely my point." Vinyl winked. She stood up, laid some bits on the counter, and shuffled over to Caramel. "Come on, princess. Let's head on out. Lyra? Bon Bon? Take care of Rainbow, will ya?"

"Absolutely!" Bon Bon chirped.

"Huh?" Caramel blinked. "Rainbow?" He looked over and did a double-take. "Whoah... you okay, Rainbow?"

"Hic!" Rainbow rotated a half-empty glass of cider and smiled blearily. "You know me. Havin' the time of my life..."

Caramel bit his lip. "Are... you s-sure?"

"Of course she's sure!" Lyra leaned over and slapped Rainbow's shoulder. "A self-respecting pony wants to be sloshed for where we're headed next!" She winked. "You'll live with yourself longer."

"Or die shorter!" Bon Bon added with a laugh.

"Hey..." Rainbow shrugged. "Can't do this—HIC—back in Ponyville. Sooooooo..."

Caramel gulped. "Well, so long as you're having fun." Caramel smiled and waved. "Be careful."

"Don't worry!" Lyra grinned. "We won't!"

"Come on, girl." Vinyl levitated the stallion's shopping bags and trotted with him out the bar. "How does a nice warm shower back at Mortuana sound?"

"Mmmmm... a shower sounds nice. A bath sounds even better."

"Hey, whatever floats your boat... or your butt in this case."

Rainbow's eyes followed them. In the distance, she caught a pair of eyes reflecting her spectral mane. The head turned at the last second.

"Hmmm?" Rainbow squinted.

Her vision fogged and unfogged. There was no chance of singling out the face she had seen. All of the bodies in the crowded bar blurred together.

"...?" Rainbow's brow furrowed. She took a very slow, very contemplative sip of her cider.

"Okay, buckarettes!" A mint green hoof slapped across her shoulder.

"!!!" Rainbow nearly choked on her drink.

Lyra hoisted her and Bon Bon out of their seats. "Now that we've had our fill, let's throw out those pesky excess inhibitions that floating upside down on the surface, shall we?" She led the two out of the bar. "For yay though I trot through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no enema!"

"Heehee!" Bon Bon pumped her hoof. "Wooohooo! How about it, Rainbow? You pumped?"

"Buhhhhhh..." Rainbow lurched along. Finally, she flapped her wings, allowing herself to hover after the girls in close company. "P-positively—HIC—bloated..."

More than once, Rainbow glanced over her shoulder. She felt the fuzzy, distinct feeling that somepony or something was following her. Then again, between each blink, she sensed the shadows of The Last Stand streaking with intoxicating blurs. She teetered, and if it wasn't for her two companions, she could very easily have fallen stupidly on her face.

"Is that it, Lyra?" Bon Bon asked.

"Nope!"

Rainbow's head registered a loud, persistent thumping sound, growing more and more intense.

"Is that it?" Bon Bon once again inquired as they passed a colorful entrance.

"Hehe... wrong yet again, dirtmeister!"

The mares passed statues of famous ancient pegasi. At last, at the far end of the Promenade, they approached a glittering gold doorway with a thick line of gathered equines. A pair of bouncers stood, tall and ominous. Meanwhile, the thumping beat materialized in full sonic force, pumping murderously into Rainbow's ears... accompanying a luscious techno-trance beat.

"OooOoooOooh..." Bon Bon could be heard cooing. "Is this it?"

"You bet your bridle, girl." Lyra hissed, "Feast your eyes and ice your teats! For this is the one, the only, the legendary Hurricane's Harem!"

"Hmmm?" Rainbow Dash's eyes lifted up. She spotted an array of neon letters above the doorframe stabbing her drunken eyes. Beyond the line of ponies, she spotted a dimly-lit interior full of bodies—some standing, others sitting, and a few choice others... gyrating. Strobe lights flickered in time with the deep bass beat, and Rainbow saw several glistening poles, obstructed only by the dancers twirling around them. "Oh right... that."

Y'know, For Fillies

About ten steps into the establishment, and Rainbow could scarcely keep her eyes open. The strobing lights stabbed through her eyes and straight into her brain with each multicolored flash. On every occasion, the luminescent blasts were accompanied by thunderously pounding bass beats as a symphonic opera rattled off in the background, far beyond the hisses, cheers, and cat calls.

"Hah!" Lyra could be heard bellowing amidst the bedlam. "You know the place is serious when their speakers pump out Depeche Mane!"

"Did I just see a lacy saddle fly overhead?" Bon Bon remarked.

"I knew Caramel left too soon!"

"Heeheehee!"

"Goddess damn! This place is packed!"

"Should we wait for some stools over by the stage?"

"Buck that nonsense!" Rainbow felt a tug as Lyra led her and Bon Bon towards the furthest corner of the place. "We've got bits, remember?! We're getting our own private booth!"

"Oh gosh! I forgot you could do that at places like this!"

"Cuz you've been too dang poor every time you've visited beforehand!"

"To be honest, I-I've only braved a club like this only once or twice in the past," Bon Bon said. "How about you, Rainbow?"

Rainbow's eyes blearily trailed the floor. The carpet was colored in little, twirly patterns. It made her head spin even harder. "Uhhhhhhhh..."

"Heehee... got a case of shyness all of a sudden? That's too cute."

"Been... it's b-been a few years," Rainbow said, teetering slightly. She spread her wings to keep balanced, nearly brushing up against a nearby stage. She looked up and caught a streak of tails lifting, then the glint of poles. The ponies around her immediate vicinity cheered and whistled. Bodies rose, fell, and gyrated. She blinked, and for a brief moment the flashing lights were replaced with the flames that consumed a floating castle filled with dragons battling equine criminals and sentient rodents. Another blink, and everything flickered once again to an erotic circus. "Urp... f-feels like ages ago..."

"Heh! Don't worry, speedy," Lyra spoke. "I've read up about Hurricane's Harem. This place is guaranteed to make you feel as giddy as a schoolfilly again. And just about as sweaty!"

"There's a booth over there, Lyra."

"Good catch, B-Squared!"

"Wow... it has three poles! Can... can we afford to sit there?"

"Can we afford not to sit there?! For shit's sake, this is the night to end all nights! Let's debauch until debauchery runs out!"

"Heehee! Why not! I've been around candied sweets and clean cotton candy for far too long!"

"Grffff..." Rainbow felt a wave of nasuea bubbling inside her. Courageously, the mare fought the sensation. She stared across the club, spotting coat colors shining... glistening in the errant beams of light. Somewhere, across the way, a pair of eyes glistened. Rainbow thought she saw a smile aimed at her, and the pegasus' heart skipped a beat. Her vision twitched, and she lost sight of the gaze, instead observing a copious amount of twirling figures. "So... like... what's the point when you, me, and Bon Bonnie are the most naked ones here?"

"Pffft! Don't be a stick in the mud, girl!" Lyra groaned as the three slumped down in their booth. "It's not about having no clothes."

Bon Bon winked. "It's about wearing sexy clothes."

"Yes—and the creative ways in which you can get those clothes off!"

"Heeheehee! What she said!"

Rainbow Dash shivered slightly in her seat. She struggled to keep her eyes even. "So... uhm... what? Do we wait for girls—"

"—or stallions!"

"Right. Do we wait for them to come visit us or—?"

"I think we can request them specifically," Bon Bon said. "Isn't that right, Lyra?"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah..." Lyra licked her lips, squinting across the stages as she spotted a pink-coated unicorn in a gold number strutting her stuff. "That's how it works, baby! I say we be democratic about it. Choose one for each of us! Pile up the bits and have a competition! A strip-o-thon! Hah!"

"For real?"

"Totally, Rainbow! You've got your eye on somepony?"

"Uhhhhhhh..."

"Whoah!" Bon Bon suddenly gasped. "They've got zebras here! Er... I-I mean..." she sank in her seat slightly. "Uhhh... how n-nice of them to diversify..."

"Hahahahaha!" Lyra slapped Bon Bon's shoulder. "Somepony's got striped fever, eh, sweet cheeks?"

"Mmmmmmmm..." The tips of Bon Bon's ears turned blood red. "...m-maybe?"

Lyra smiled. "Well, let's make your dreams come true." She waved down a passing waitress.

"Welcome to Hurricane's Harem," the mare cooed, eyes thin and coy. "The sultriest stop in all the clouds. What can I do for you fillies that can't be written home to Mom about?"

"Oh gosh!" Bon Bon rolled her eyes, laughing.

"Lovin' this place already!" Lyra tossed a pair of coins onto the mare's tray. "What does it take to request some dancers, toots? I can call you 'toots' in a place like this?"

The mare winked. "So long as you make us see gold."

Lyra tossed another two coins. "How about corralling one of those two gorgeous zebras to pay us a visit?"

"What, you mean Sweet Sands and Frilly Fronds? Heehee... I'm sure they'd be overjoyed."

"Whichever of the two wants to get rich on tips tonight," Lyra said with a wink. "In the meantime, I'd really... really love to see that pink unicorn up close... see if she's even pinker in certain spots, y'know what I mean? Heh!"

"So... uh..." Bon Bon cleared her throat, maintaining a crooked smile. "You really like unicorns, huh?"

"When they're dressed like a Yayakistani slave, sure!" Lyra nudged the pegasus seated with them. "How about you, ace? What flavor are you in the mood for?"

"Uhhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash blinked dizzily across the throbbing environment. "Uhmmmm... I uhhhh..."

"Mmmmmmm..." The waitress giggled. "We've got a shy one, I see..."

Rainbow fought the urge to hiccup. Again, she sensed a pair of smokey eyes from across the domain, and soon it all blurred to black as she rubbed her head. "Mrmmffff... surprise me."

"Hah!" Lyra grinned wide. "Famous last words!"

Nausearotica

"Mmmmm!" Lyra lowered a glass of champagne from her muzzle, swallowed, and grinned into the flashing lights. "Hold on to your plots, fillies!"

"Huh?" Bon Bon looked up. "OoOoOoh!" Her eyes sparkled.

At the sound of giggling voices and clattering horseshoes, Rainbow Dash looked up. A flicker of strobe lights momentarily blinded her. A blink or two later, and she spotted three lithe figures sashaying up to the stage right above her and her friends' booth. At first, all she could make out was lace, silk, and a veil or two—accompanied by three sets of lusciously painted eyes, winking coyly. The air filled with richly perfumed scents, and the speakers behind the booth crackled to life with a slow tempo bass beat to accompany the private show.

"Hello, fillies," one mare cooed. "My name's Nectar Neighs. This here's Jasmine and Sweet Sands. Tonight's entertainment have arrived."

Lyra leaned in towards Bon Bon, smirking. "There's always a 'Jasmine,'" she whispered.

"Duaaaaaaaaaaah..." Bon Bon gulped, her eyes reflecting black and white stripes.

"Like what you see, sugar?" rolled a voice with a zebra accent.

Bon Bon smiled stupidly. "Is that multiple choice?"

"Heehee..." A braided tail brushed past Bon Bon's chin. "You're gonna like what you see even more. That's a promise."

Bon Bon's jaw hung agape.

Lyra rolled her eyes and slapped Bon Bon's hoof so that the earth pony dropped some bits onto the table above them.

"Heehee... so sweet. That's more like it." And in quick order, limbs and more limbs twirled to the music. "Where y'all from?"

"Ponyville," Lyra said.

"Hmmmm... sounds so..."

Lyra chuckled. "Ordinary?"

"Awwwww... it's okay." A unicorn's pink head hung upside down, smiling just a few tantalizing inches from Lyra's nose. "Your night's about to get really... really extraordinary." And she resumed her acrobatic dancing motions.

"Woooooo!" Lyra sat up, horn glowing as she dropped the first of her bits onto the table. "Let's make that pole shiny, shall we?"

"Oh gosh..." Bon Bon exhaled. She squirmed in her seat, her ears drooping as a flushed redness spread through her upper body. "Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh..."

"Now this is Las Pegasus!" Lyra grinned wickedly. "No wonder you gals work in the clouds! Your hooves are too hot for the ground!"

"Mmmmmm... you want things hot, do ya?" a ridiculously young voice chirped.

"Here..." Lyra winked, tossing a few more coins. "Make it steamy."

"Heehee... better loosen your collar, gorgeous."

"But I'm not wearing a shirt."

"Oh! Well, guess I'll have to, then!"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh... Ha ha ha!" Lyra raised her champagne glass and giggled. "Either that's really funny or I'm super drunk!"

"Maybe both," Bon Bon murmured, eyes wide. She gulped dryly, locked in place where she was sitting. "Ohhhhhhh wow... those stripes really do go all the way down..."

"Wanna see me get red all over?" one of the dancers sing-songed.

"Snkkkt! I can't get enough of this!" Lyra leaned aside, nudging a blue shoulder. "You enjoying yourself, Rainbow?"

"Mmmm..." Rainbow rubbed her head, teetering in place. She could scarcely feel Lyra's touch on her shoulder. Wobbling slightly, she looked up. Lights strobed. A fetlock spun, gripped to a pole. Strobing lights swam and stabbed and—

—glistened off the dewy grass and apple trees. Winona ran across the east end of the farm, barking her head off.

The land stretched out, a brilliant red barn standing tall and proud in the center. A tiny yellow figure and an old green equine lounged on the front porch.

And off in the distance, trotting briskly, Rainbow saw an orange shape. It sent an electric charge up her body, startling her heart and choking her lungs until—

—she wheezed sharply.

A petite mare in a glittery, skin-tight blue number finished undulating her belly and spine. Gemstones rattled from her neck and ears as she lowered her painted face and squinted lustfully at Rainbow from atop the miniature stage.

"And what's your name, bright and shiny?"

Rainbow fought a lump in her throat. Her extremities tingled, but not with excitement. "R-Rainbow..."

"That's an adorable name, darling," the dancer said.

"Yeah! Heh..." Lyra's voice wafted across the booth. "With a name like that, she could be dancing with you gals!"

"Heehee! She's certainly pretty enough!"

"Ya hear that, Rainbow? Now there's a job for you that pays well!"

Rainbow teetered. "Uhm... I... uh..."

"Awwwwww..." One of the dancers smiled, teeth glinting in the pink light. "She's a shy one!"

"Bet one of you could make her voice crack. Hah!"

"How about it, darling?" The face lowered again. The air smelled of honey and vanilla. Spices. "What would you like to see come off first?"

Rainbow clenched her jaws. Thunder echoed in her ears with each heartbeat. The lights swept and—

—captured the whites of her freckles.

Rainbow touched down in to see her lithe limbs kicking the bark of a tree. Apples flew, fell, and filled the musky air with delightful percussion.

Applejack exhaled, lifted her hat, and wiped her brow. She spun around, saw Rainbow, and instantly grinned. "Well..." She plopped the hat back on and winked. "Howdy, Rainbow! What can I do for ya, darlin'?"

"Mmmmff..." Rainbow jolted in her seat. "Uhm... what?"

"I said what can I do for you, darling?" The mare suspended above her fluttered her eyelashes. Her lips formed a pout. "You don't have to be shy. We're all adults here." Her voice sounded a decade younger in pitch. When the lights swept through again, Rainbow spotted aged bruises along the inside of the mare's limbs where they constantly made contact with the poles.

Rainbow found herself short of breath. "I... uh... I need to..." She stood up, wobbling. Her bit bag rattled, dropping two dozen coins onto the table's edge and floor.

The clatter was deafening.

"Whoah there!" Lyra giggled drunkenly. "Don't get too excited there, chief!"

"OooOoooh!" The zebra purred. "Somepony wants a lap dance! How about it, girls?"

"No. No! Er... I mean... m-maybe later..." Rainbow Dash limped, hobbled, and shuffled her way out of the booth.

"Hmmm?" Bon Bon craned her neck. "Where you headed, Rainbow?"

"I... uh... I'm gonna get us more champagne!" Rainbow stammered.

"But we got enough—"

"Ehhhhhh... let her go, B-squared," Lyra said, stifling a hiccup. She smiled up at the entertainers with heavy-lidded eyes. "All the more for us, huh?"

"Uhhhhm..."

"Woohoo!" Lyra's voice echoed as Rainbow hobbled away. "That's right! Let the saddles fly!"

Panting... shivering...

Rainbow Dash reached the edge of the night club.

She leaned against something, and it wasn't until a few blinks later that she realized it was a bar.

A bartender shuffled up. "Anything I can get you, darling?" the mare asked.

"Rnnngh..." Rainbow gnashed her teeth. "Please don't call me 'darling.'"

"Huh?"

Rainbow gulped hard. "Just... just a cider." She gripped her head in her hooves, waiting for the shivers to subside. "One cider, please. Thanks."

While the bartender trotted aside to oblige, Rainbow Dash breathed in and out. Her stomach rolled with nausea, and her throat was bone dry. The only moisture left in her body retreated to her head, squeezing out her eyes in burning hot tears. She fought to keep them dry, rubbing her eyelids raw with shaking fetlocks.

There was no victory until the cold glass of cider slid her way. Rainbow took several deep gulps. By the time numbness spread evenly through her body, she managed to breathe a bit more normally.

And that was the beginning of a deep, dastardly descent.

Smoke Signals

Rainbow Dash no longer felt the weight of her bit bag, but she could only assume that it was incredibly lighter. The mare had lost count of how many times her ears echoed with the rattle of coins being dropped onto the bar counter. Every time she opened her eyes, she saw a glass in front of her that was empty and emptier.

"Mrmmff... is there a minimum here?" she slurred.

"Do you feel like bursting yet?" said a pony.

"Uh... no?"

"Then have your fill."

She couldn't tell if it was actually the barkeeper talking or not. Every now and then, Rainbow lifted her head, only to instantly regret it. The strobing lights refused to cease. She considered leaving the establishment altogether, but was afraid of collapsing as soon as she took a single step... or performed a single wingflap.

A century ago, she had left the booth, abandoning Lyra and Bon Bon. The mare had promised to return shortly with champagne. Rainbow wondered just how angry they must have been by then... or if they bothered to remember at all. She sighed, and with each exhale the minutes burned away. The techno music tracks switched multiple times. She heard giggles, laughter, and cat-calls. Whenever she glanced through her peripheral vision, she spotted a tail lifting or a flank twirling and she instantly felt nauseating again. Groaning, the mare hung her head, gazing directly into the smoothe granite surface of the bar counter.

The swirling stone patterns took shape between light flickers. Rainbow blinked, spotting buffalo locking horns with one another. Somewhere, a basilisk and a cyclops fought over a gigantic chessboard. Floating cities channeled steam in a far-off dreamscape while surly looking criminals marched across the wasteland, shuffling shoulder-to-shoulder with diamond dogs. The colors swirled, and Rainbow envisioned the red-and-yellow mane of a power hungry unicorn. Then the granite grayness returned as if in a deadpan blink, and the edges glistened—sparkling from the contact with the strobing lights. Rainbow envisioned a fluffy mane... a bright smile... purple eyes.

"Mrmnnnghhh..." Rainbow Dash rubbed her forehead. Her brain spun, and a lump formed deep and dense at the bottom of her throat. "Epcot... friggin' A..." She reached for her glass, fumbled, and dropped the thing entirely. "Crud—!"

A nimble set of wings stretched out from the hazy darkness and caught the glass before it could so much as tip over in mid-air.

"Whoah..." Rainbow blinked dizzily. "How... who...?"

"Heehee... I'm guessing you're not usually this clumsy."

"Hrmmm?" Rainbow looked up, squinting. "I'm... I'm sorry..."

"Don't you fret." A smokey pair of eyes winked playfully in Rainbow's direction. "Most ponies come to Las Pegasus to lose control. Celestia knows I do." She pivoted her body, sliding the glass off her wing so that it balanced once more on the bar counter. "There ya go, champ."

"Oh..." Rainbow blinked. "Hey..." She blinked again. "Thanks." She fumbled through her bit bag. "I... uh... I g-guess I should tip ya—"

The pegasus laughed airily. "Do I look like I work here?"

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow teetered slightly, staring at her. Her vision came into focus, and she spotted an undressed mare with full black hair, a dark blue coat, and deep smokey eyes. There wasn't a single hint of jewelry or outrageous makeup on her. "Oh. My bad."

"Heehee... quite alright."

"Just..." Rainbow gulped, brushing her bangs back. "You look and sound so... y'know..."

"Hmmmmm?"

"You look good enough to work here," Rainbow slurred. "Better, really. Pffft..." She waved a hoof. "Never was big on all that makeup crud."

"Why, thank you." The mare shuffled over. "You're not half-bad yourself, champ. Mind if I sit here?"

Rainbow shrugged. "Free cloud."

"Heh... that it is." The mare moved with cat-like grace, squatting on the stool beside her.

"Why... uhm..." Rainbow squinted. "...do you keep calling me 'champ?'"

"'Cuz you look like the athletic type." The mare waggled her eyebrows. "Tell me I'm wrong."

"Nah... I'm pretty..." Rainbow smirked stupidly into the distance. "Uhm... fastest flier there ever was."

"No kidding?"

"Just..." Rainbow grimaced. "Not now."

"Oh?" The mare leaned her head to the side. "Having an off day?"

"Mrmmmfff... off and in the gutter," Rainbow grumbled, slowly pivoting her glass around. "Which... y'know... sucks." She gulped. "Because this is supposed to be a really snazzy vacation... and my friends are off doing their own thing."

"Did they ditch you?"

Rainbow winced. "It's... the other way around." She glanced over her shoulder at the distant booth. "I... gotta admit." A cold shudder. "This sort of place isn't my thing."

"Well, they should have taken your feeling into consideration when they brought you here."

"Well, I didn't think it'd be a problem. I've... gone to places like this before. Just..." Rainbow sighed, gazing back into the glass. "It's been a while."

"You're kidding, right?"

"Why..." Rainbow fought a wave of nausea and cleared her throat. "...why would I be kidding?"

"Well, I guess it's none of my business, but you don't exactly look super old."

"Thanks... I think," Rainbow blinked.

The mare laughed. "Not that it matters. I think you're very gorgeous too."

"Mrmmfff... really...?"

"Most definitely. As a matter of fact, this place could use such bright and happy colors more."

"Mrmmff... I dunno about the 'happy' part..." Rainbow muttered.

"Awwww..." The mare pouted. She boldly reached out, brushing Rainbow's bangs aside. "That's a shame. Because something this bright and bold certainly spells 'happy' to me." She smirked, her smokey eyes fluttering. "Definitely makes me happy to look at."

Rainbow's nostrils filled with an intoxicating scent—like dewdrops on fresh grass, laced with daisies. "Mmmmmm..." She closed her eyes, her wingtips extending.

"...something you like?" the mare remarked.

"That smell... is friggin' awesome," Rainbow muttered. "Haven't smelled that since..."

"Cloudsdale?"

Rainbow's eyes opened. "You're from Cloudsdale?"

"Born and raised," the mare said. "You?"

"Heh... born and half-raised."

"Half-raised?" The mare giggled. "How does that work?"

"It's a long story..."

"I wouldn't mind listening," the mare said with a smile. "It's certainly a welcome change of pace from all of this sweat and noise."

Rainbow exhaled. "You come here often?"

"Heehee... do you really wanna say a phrase like that in a strip club?"

Rainbow turned to look at her. "What's your name?"

"Smoke Rings," the mare said. "And if you must know, I'm wearing Sapphire Sunrise."

"But... I don't see a single inch of silk on you."

"Hehe! It's the perfume, silly!"

"Oh... hehehehe..." Rainbow's voice cracked as she laughed. "I get it now."

"Luna alive! Your laugh is too adorable." Smoke Rings smiled. "I told you my name. What's yours?"

"Mrmmm... Rainbow Dash..."

"Rainbow Dash..." The mare inhaled, smiling as her wingtips fluttered. "That is the absolute best name I've ever heard."

"Thanks..."

"No really. It's just too cute."

Rainbow chuckled.

"What?"

"Nothing..." Rainbow exhaled. She took another sip. "Usually don't like being called cute."

"First time for everything."

"Mrmmmfff... I guess..."

"Hehehe..."

Wings and Circumstance

"...and I can't help but feel as though... I can change... but it's like I dunno where to start," Rainbow Dash found herself murmuring. The techno music was just as loud as before—the lights just as bright and annoying—and yet she found herself able to carry on a hushed conversation. "I have friends. I have lots of friends. But they can't... understand me, y'know?"

"Of, definitely," Smoke Rings said, nodding. She leaned against the bar counter, gazing softly at Rainbow Dash as the smaller pegasus continued speaking.

"But... I can't blame them." Rainbow bit her lip. "It's all because I've chosen to keep myself so distance, y'know? I mean... I worry about them a lot. And I wanna protect them with all my might. It's all part of being the Element of Loyalty, ya feel me?"

"Sure..."

"But... but it's like that's my burden as much as my joy... and I don't want to place any hardship on them. So... so I just... float, y'know? And... and as lonesome as it sounds, it's... it's something I can handle. Because I gotta handle it, y'know? They don't deserve any of my baggage."

"I'm sure they'd be open to you if you aired your feelings," Smoke Rings said.

"Eh... it's not that simple," Rainbow muttered. "And it certainly doesn't help that for the longest time, I've... I've..."

Smoke Rings arched an eyebrow. "You've what?"

Rainbow sighed. "I've always dreamt that one of them could be more than just a friend."

"Ahhhh..." Smoke Rings nodded. "It's not something that could possibly work out..."

Rainbow glanced aside. "How do you know?"

Smoke Rings stifled a giggle. "Well, you're here, aren't you?"

"Mrmmmfff..." Rainbow sipped up the last of her current glass of cider. "Touche."

"If you ask me, Rainbow Dash," Smoke Rings said, leaning forward and tapping Rainbow's shoulder. "The life you've been living sounds awfully constricting."

"Eh... it's good enough."

"Does it feel 'good?' Are you happy with the way things are?"

Rainbow merely bit her lip.

Smoke Rings smirked. "You're the athletic type... a proactive pegasus. I'm guessing you're adventurous too."

"Heh..." Rainbow rolled her eyes, nearly toppling off her stool from the motion. "You've got no idea."

"I think you have everything to gain from trying new things," Smoke Rings said, patting her shoulder again. "Rather than being stuck in the same place all the time. Go outside your comfort zone. Experiment. I promise that you won't be disappointed."

"You..." Rainbow teetered. "You really think so?"

Smoke Rings didn't answer. Instead, she stammered, "Egads, Rainbow. Has anypony ever told you how silky smooth your coat is?"

"Mrmmf... yeah... sure..." Rainbow smirked drunkenly, staring into the lights and haze. "A few."

"It's like Celestia sliced a piece of the sky and gave it wings."

Rainbow coughed, then chuckled breathily.

"What?" Smoke Rings blinked, giggling as well. "I meant it!"

"That was cheesy as Tartarus," Rainbow muttered.

"Well, I couldn't help myself," Smoke Rings remarked, smiling. "There's something about you that's just... priceless."

"Uh huh..."

"I mean it. And the colorful way you dye your mane—"

"I don't."

"Huh?"

Rainbow gulped. "I don't dye it. It just... is what it is."

Smoke Rings leaned back as if shot by a bullet. "Get out of town... are you serious?"

"Mrmmfff... it's my mane, isn't it?"

"That's... that's just amazing," the mare cooed. She ran a hoof through Rainbow's bangs. "Even feels softer than a cloud."

Rainbow hummed, her nose and lungs filling with the luscious perfume. The warmth from Smoke Rings' touch spread through her neck and chest, chasing the numbness away. Before she knew it, she was leaning into the mare's hoof, nuzzling against her fetlock.

"Hehe... something got you off balance?"

"Mmmm..." Rainbow's back tingled as her wings stretched out on instinct. "...maybe..."

"Say... Rainbow..."

"Mmmm... y-yeah...?"

"... ... ...when was the last time a pretty mare kissed you?"

"Mmmm..." Rainbow gulped. "Let me tell you a few seconds from now." She held her breath.

Sure enough, less than two breaths later, a soft warm pair of lips brushed with Rainbow's.

Rainbow squeaked. Her ears instantly drooped. Something melted deep inside her—far beneath the drunken haze and the numb cloud of her center of being. It was a sensation she hadn't felt in countless years. Part of her flinched, as if expecting something sharp... something blunt and painful to accompany the softness, but it never came. Before she knew it, Smoke Rings was kissing her more intensely. A gentle set of feathers brushed against Rainbow's neck and shoulders. She let loose another squeak, quivering from head to tail.

"Hmmmmmm..." Smoke Rings' voice was a breathy thing, fountaining over her. "Those sounds you keep making are adorable."

"Mmmmm..." Rainbow could only squeak again. "Yeah..." She brushed her cheek in the direction of Smoke Rings' voice.

Smoke Rings nuzzled her back. The air grew thinner, hotter. "Shhhhh... want to know a secret, Rainbow Dash?"

"Mmmmm-what's thatttt...?"

Smoke Rings kissed the mare's ear before whispering, "I absolutely adore perky little pegasi..."

"Mmmmm..." Rainbow Dash slurred. "That's... cool..."

Smoke Rings kissed, nuzzled, and breathed once more. "And I would really... really love to show you a good time..." She tickled the small of Rainbow's neck with her featherips. Rainbow teetered on her stool, sensing a crescent moon grin from across the swirling lights. "...would you like that too? Hmmm?"

Rainbow fought the urge to whimper. She teetered in the direction of the other mare's heat, her heart pounding... pounding... settling. Something flickered in the distance of her mind... pale and isolated... like freckles. Or stars. It all melted, turning black, forming a voice: "That... would be pretty cool as well..."

"Heehee... well then..." A hoof tugged while the voice rolled. Purred. "...let's go somewhere less noisy..."

"Yeah..." Rainbow teetered, drifted, disappeared. "...why not?"

The Greatest Chapter Ever

Rainbow Dash couldn't tell whether she was flying or being carried away or a whimsical mixture of both. What's more, she couldn't care either way. The night club reeled around her. Poles glinted in the strobing light. The bodies spread like clouds. There were giggles... whimpers.

"You're a light one," a mare's voice purred next to Rainbow's ear.

"Hmmmmm..." Rainbow leaned against Smoke Rings' lithe flank. "All I ever bench press is the sky." She blinked. "Where are we—?"

"Shhhhh..." Something nibbled on her ear. The perfume rose, wafted. "Somewhere quiet... all to ourselves. I promise."

"Hey... lead the whinny." Before Rainbow could giggle at herself, she heard a disgruntled moan. Her world spun in time to catch a peach shape marching angrily away from a booth.

"That's it. You can keep the bits."

"Wait! B-Squared!"

"Don't call me that, you hussy."

"But... but the fillies! Guh!" A lime green figure hobbled after the other, struggling to keep up. Heads turned and eyes rolled. "Where are you going? This is the party of a lifetime!"

"You can enjoy the party with... Pink Prissy or whatever her name is—"

"Bon Bon! I was just making a joke!"

"Honestly, Lyra... are you that dense?!"

Rainbow's lips pursed. As the two shapes blended into the club scene, she muttered, "Wait a second... what's wrong with...?"

"Uh uh uh..." A wingtip caressed Rainbow's chin, tickling, lulling. "Save your breaths..."

Bright lights.

A sour smell.

Door hinges creaked, and then Rainbow heard the clatter of a flimsy metal lock.

"Heeheehee..." Smoke Rings chuckled warmly. Fuzzy forelimbs held Rainbow close as a muzzle stroked up and down the smaller mare's cheek. "Let me get a good look at you, darling."

"Hmmmmm..." Rainbow smiled deliriously. She nuzzled her lover back, exhaling with drunken glee. The air shifted, and for a brief moment she could no longer sense the perfume. "Mmmmm... mmmm... smells kinda like a bathroom stall." One eye opened, and she caught the outer lid of a toilet. "Wait... where...?"

"Shhhhh..." Hard teeth gently tugged at Rainbow's bangs before grazing her ear lobes. "Do you want to wait any longer than I do?"

"Oh gosh..." Rainbow exhaled, her body draping in the limbs of her partner. "Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh..." She allowed her head to rest limply against the mare's shoulder. Rainbow felt cradled in warmth... bathed in toasty fuzz. She sighed, her eyelids fluttering shut. With squirmy little motions, she settled into that steamy velvetiness, waiting for it to embrace her like a morning bed—

"Mrmmmmmff..." With a lusty breath, Smoke Rings hoisted Rainbow up until she sat on something cold and hard. She leaned in, nuzzling the petite pegasus from neck to belly. Hot exhale after hot exhale, she muttered against Rainbow's coat: "Celestia... what a catch. I could eat you whole..."

"Hmmmm..." Rainbow teetered forward, desperate to lean against the mare again. "Could... c-could you just hold me..." The edges of her eyelids grew hot, moist. "Please..."

"Shhhhhhh..." Smoke Rings was practically panting by now. She nuzzled Rainbow harder and harder, her wingtips reaching forward... sharp and grazing. "I'll do much more than that, you sexy little scamp." Her voice had a growling tone.

"Fuuuu..." Rainbow whimpered, curling her forelimbs to her chest. Electricity shot up her spine. "Smoke Rings..."

"Please..." The voice dipped lower and lower into a breathy abyss, suffocating. "Just pretend I'm a stranger..."

"But..." Rainbow teetered. "But you are..."

"And I would like it very... very much..." There were no more pauses between the kissing and licking. "...if you cried a little..."

Rainbow's head reeled. She leaned back, feeling the hot trickle of drool across her chest. She imagined that they were tears instead. A restless night in bed, alone with the shadows. Lying in the shower, hot and breathless. Wanting. Yearning. Never receiving. She desired... she sobbed. Across the darkness, specks of light glistened. Like freckles. She wrapped herself up in them, and for a brief flash in time, she was happy. And she let the universe know.

"I wish..."

She smiled, breathing heavier and heavier. Lifting up.

"I wish I—"

The perfume returned, accompanying the sour smell of a night club's bathroom. It smashed through her sinuses and drilled straight down into her stomach. Rainbow's eyes bulged, and all she saw was cold tile and mildew. The flash of sterile lifelessness perfectly matched the hospital rooms where she slowly watched her father wither away and die. She wanted to sob, but she was too drunk for tears. So her body expelled something else instead.

"Bleacckkkkkitttt!"

"Grunnngh!" Smoke Rings leaned back. For a split second, she gargled a dollop of Rainbow's hot bile before spitting it out onto the floor alongside the rest of the fresh puddle. She coughed, wretched, and wiped furiously at her stained muzzle. A deep exhale, then—venomously—"Shit on a stick! You sick flankhole!"

"Mrmmmgnngh..." Rainbow teetered, wearing a hot apron of that day's lunch. "Mmmm... c-can you hold me now?"

"No, I won't friggin' hold you!" Smoke Rings sneered. She backed up, slamming into the stall door. Bonk! "Oww! Dammit! What's wrong with you, ya stupid little freak?!"

Rainbow belched, more vomit dribbling from her chin. "S-sorry..."

"Do you come to a place like this just to drink or what?!"

"Only had..." Rainbow gulped, shuddering from the hotness in her throat. "...m-maybe seven drinks?"

"Seven?!" Smoke Rings rolled her eyes. "Unnnnnngh... goddess alive, I friggin' hate you idiotic little tourist turds." She unlocked the door and bucked it open. "Grnnnngh... dammit! Last time... last damn time I swear!"

"Where..." Rainbow blinked, squatting on the lip of the toilet seat. "...where are you going?"

"Buck you! That's where I'm going! Rnnnngh... should have stayed back in Mareami. At least the fillies there know how to hold their shit in..."

Rainbow heard the running of water, then angry hoofsteps leading to the door.

"Mmmm... Smear Rubies..." Rainbow lisped, reaching limply forward. "Smashing... Raspberries?" Splut! She landed hard on the floor, her petite figure making a vomit angel in the crusty pile of stomach fluid. "Rrrrngh..." Wincing, she tried to get up, but her limbs were too numb. Ultimately, she resorted to tugging at the tile, pulling herself forward at a snail's pace and leaving a trail of half-digested refuse behind her.

When she was half-way out of the stall, she heard the flushing of water. A mare exited the chamber next to her, giving the fallen pegasus a disgusted look. "Grnnnngh... friggin' bum..." She trotted over Rainbow Dash and made a bee-line for the door. "Get a life. Goddess, I hate this town."

Rainbow ignored her. She reached the sink counter and hoisted herself up. Her eyes peered into the mirror, and she immediately wished that they didn't. A haggard blue pegasus stood across from Rainbow, wearing a yellow-and-brown bib made out of regurgitated curds. Beyond the tattered mane and fresh love bites marking her neck, she saw the same cold pair of ruby eyes, alone and hopeless.

The mare exhaled, her first sober breath in an eternity. She turned the faucet on and—flexing her numb limbs—she proceeded to splash tap water over her neck and chest, belatedly cleaning the bile off her coat.

Always a Foul Taste that Lingers

In a daze, Rainbow limped out of the bathroom and across the loud, pulsing nightclub. The only thing she felt was the jingling weight of coins hanging off her flank. It was a meager consolation at best.

Her vision traced across the interior. Eyes scraped over her frail, moist figure. She could have sworn that over half of the patrons were staring at her. Gawking. The mare shuddered, quickening her pace—only to teeter and bump into random stallions and mares seated around the dance stages.

"Hey, watch it!"

"Go home, ya mule."

"Sorry..." Rainbow muttered into the shadows. She sought the exit. Words glistening red. Like apples. "I'm so... s-so sorry..." Her vision fogged up, clouding the sight of gyrating creatures on a flickering stage. Sniffling, Rainbow rubbed her eyes dry. By then, she had reached the door leading out of Hurricane's Harem, and only then did she start to breathe easier.

It was vastly empty on the outside. Rainbow squinted into the dim light of the casino corridor. She heard whimpering voices to her right. Haunting. Familiar. She turned her head.

Bon Bon leaned against the railing of a balcony overlooking the glittery lengths of Upper Las Pegasus. A cold wind carried her sobbing breaths aloft.

Beside her, Lyra paced and paced, stammering into the breezy night air. "Look, will you just get over it?! We all came here to have fun! That was the whole point of this damn thing!"

"You h-have a rotten way of 'having fun,' Lyraaaa," Bon Bon cried, burying her muzzle in her hooves. "'That's right, baby! Wave that horn! Earth ponies have nothing on this shit!' I mean... how am I supposed to take that, Lyraaaa?"

"For crying out loud, Bon Bon. I was getting my kicks on! I mean... why not?! She's a hot unicorn! You had the friggin' zebra, didn't you?"

"I don't want any stupid zebras, Lyra..."

"Bon Bon, don't—"

"I j-just want you."

"Grnnnnnghhhh..." Lyra face-hoofed. Her face tensed as her eyes clenched tightly shut. She sighed into her fetlock, frozen in place.

"Don't you realize th-that by now...?" Bon Bon wept, shivering all over. "I adore you. I wish... mmrmmfff... I wish that you were mine..."

"Bon Bon... dammit to Celestia..."

"Don't pretend that you don't know th-that..." Bon Bon sniffled. "Don't pretend that you don't know how much you drive me crazy..."

"Bon Bon... just... just no, okay?!" Lyra's voice wavered. She looked up, frowning, although her eyes were misty. "A stripper is one thing. An escort? Sure, when I'm friggin' starving. But I just don't do relationships. You know that..."

"But you c-could, Lyraaaa..." Bon Bon whimpered. "You and I would be so... so gorgeous together."

"Bon Bon, no. You don't want..." Lyra shuddered, her ears drooping. "You d-don't want to be anchored to a lousy p-piece of shit like me, okay?" She gulped hard as the shivers came on. "Because that's exactly the k-kind of miserable pony I am and I d-don't want... dammit..." She sniffled, glaring off into the starlight. "I didn't want this to friggin' happen on this stupid trip..."

"I'm sorry..." Bon Bon hung her head, crying. "I'm so sorry. I'm always ruining everything."

"Don't say that. Bon Bon—you hear me?! Sonuva..." Groaning, Lyra reached over and wrapped her forelimbs around the mare. "Come here, you sniveling little sob-job."

Bon Bon curled against Lyra's chest, quietly weeping.

Lyra rubbed her shoulder, staring across the casinos of Upper Las Pegasus. She breathed in and out, her expression dry... lifeless. "What am I ever going to do with you, girl...?"

"Mmmmm..." Bon Bon breathed against Lyra's coat. "I think y-you're the m-most spectacular pony ever... and I-I wish you would j-just learned to embrace that..."

"I know, B-Squared," Lyra muttered, closing her eyes. "Celestia on a bike, tell me something I don't know..."

The two huddled together on the balcony.

Rainbow watched from afar, dull and deadpan. She teetered slightly, caught her breath, and pivoted about. On numb legs, she hobbled far... far away... until she left the levitating foundation of The Last Stand entirely.

Should Have Listened To Your Mom

Lights swam and snaked around Rainbow Dash.

Each step was a lurching thing, causing the elevated skyline of Upper Las Pegasus to wobble on either side of her.

The only thing keeping her fetlocks from going fully numb was movement. So she persisted in her forward slump, struggling to keep her eyes open as she battled fresh and fresher waves of nausea. Despite the earlier incident, her stomach felt full, sloshing, and warm.

"Mmmfff..." She opened her muzzle, instantly wishing she hadn't. "Guh." She gulped hard... and then gulped again. Through superheroic effort, she managed to keep the bile down. Her nostrils were too sore to breathe normally, so she had to fill her muzzle with whispers in order to keep the oxygen flowing. "I'm sorry. I could have stopped it. But I didn't. It was stupid. I'm stupid. I know that..."

She stumbled down a dark street of cloudstone. Rich tourists with shopping bags glared at her, making faces at the mumbling street waif. A pegasus-driven chariot glided by, nearly clipping Rainbow's head off. The pilots shouted, then took a sharp turn as they arrived at their casino destination.

"But... if I can't have you... then I'm left with nopony... and yet everypony." Rainbow gritted her teeth. The bile rose again, this time riding a column of sobs. She managed to stifle it with a squeaky breath. "You kept me clean... you k-kept me clean and straight and awesome for so long." A sniffle. "I may have b-been miserable, but that was my fault. I couldn't settle for anything else because nothing would b-be better than you..."

She closed her eyes. She was blind to where she was going. She didn't care anymore.

"The bad part is... is that I could never be honest. And that's the end of me..." She winced. "The end of the pony who could have been awesome... who could have been strong... like you..."

At last, she reopened her eyes. The alleyways of Upper Las Pegasus were dark here. The sounds of the city and casinos dwindled to a cold hush. The towering walls echoed the jingle of Rainbow's bit bag as she lurched along.

"Mmmm... glad... just glad that... no matter where you are... or who you are with..." Rainbow teetered, rediscovered her hooves, and shuffled forward into nothingness. "...you're at least in a better place than me..." She clenched her jaw tight. "And that's what matters... that's all th-that matters..."

Rainbow trotted along. She passed a group of ponies shuffling through the darkness. They stepped aside, allowing her room in the alley to pass on by. Rainbow continued her drunken stroll, the bit bag jingling with every step.

The three ponies trotted slower, their ears twitching to the noise. They lingered for a bit, exchanging glances. Then—looking out into the main street—they turned about-face... and trotted briskly after Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow was just passing a heap of garbage. Crows congregated on the mess, pecking and biting into the plastic bags. All of the sudden, they cawed and flew up into the stars, blending with the veil of night.

Rainbow glanced up at them, blinking. Her ears tickled with the sound of stomping hoofsteps, but it was far too late to react.

Whump! A stallion rammed into her, shoulder-first.

"Ooomf!" With a grunt, Rainbow and her bag of coins flew into the nearby alley, rolling in two separate directions... shrouded in darkness.

The thugs looked over their shoulders, held their breaths, and rushed in after her.

Shadow Saviors

"Holy shit! This mare is loaded!"

"You're telling me. There's gotta be nearly a thousand bits in her bag!"

"Celestia on a bike! I always thought I'd stumble upon a chump like this in Las Pegasus ages ago."

"You know what they say. Good things come to those who—"

"Just shut up and see if she's got anything else on her."

"Nope. Just the bits. We've waited around long enough. Let's take off already!"

Rainbow heard a groaning sound—her own. Blood dribbled off her muzzle. She lifted her head, squinting at the sideways silhouette of an alleyway.

Three grimy equine figures huddled around her bit bag. One turned about, his eyes glinting towards her from the light of a neon sign.

"She's getting up!"

"Rnnngh...!" Another thug got up and galloped straight towards her.

Rainbow's vision swirled. The back of her head contacted the ground. Seconds later, she felt the sting of the stallion's kick to her chin. It was enough to split her numbness down the center, filling her body if paralyzing pain.

"Mmmmfnngh..." Rainbow wheezed. "Aaaaugh..."

"Dammit, will you play it cool?!"

"She's a pegasus! I didn't want her flying awa—"

"She's obviously pissed drunk! She couldn't fly a straight line if she wanted to! Stop kicking ponies in the face! I don't want murder on my record!"

"She saw our faces. I swear it."

"She saw nothing. Let's split."

Rainbow's eyelids hung heavy and heavier. As the dark fog rolled in, the miasma parted ways just long enough for her to detect a tall, lithe shadow in the distance. It was staring straight at her.

"Wait!" one of the thugs squeaked. After a pause, the pony continued: "You sure we're done with her?"

"What else is there to do? We've got her bits."

"Look how young she is. I just bet both her kidneys are healthy."

"Nuh uh. We ain't taking her to the chop shop in Lower L.P."

"I'm telling you—this mare's a loser! Nopony's gonna remember her... much less miss her!"

"It's not that. All that alcohol inside the bitch... you really think any of her organs are healthy enough to sell?"

"It's worth a shot! Come on... you wanna live on these streets forever!"

"With these bits, we could upgrade to Manehattan."

"Pffft. Buck that! That stinkin' place is police heaven ever since Don Canter disappeared! Here... help me grab her legs."

"Dammit... I'm telling you... the chop shop is a bad idea!"

"Let's just take her down there and let the surgeons decide. If they say no, we move on! I promise! Hey... at least we'll be a thousand bits richer!"

"Actually, I just counted. More like nine hundred in here—"

"Who the hell cares?! It's a lot! Now let's move her!"

"Rnnngh... we're going to regret this..."

"If you couldn't stomach this, you shoulda jumped off a bridge ages ago. Now help me—"

The sound of heavy hoofsteps filled the avenue. Rainbow was the only one not surprised. She watched with dazed eyes as the muscular shadow bounded in from a distance and plowed into two of the thugs at once.

Wh-Wham!

"Ooomf!"

"Augh!"

The third thug gasped, only to have the figure spin around and slam two hooves savagely into his chin.

"Grkkkk!"

"Raaaaaaaaugh!" With a mare's thunderous yell, the figure stomped the ribcage of one thug and uppercutted the chin of another. Soon, the thugs scampered off, panting, wheezing, and bleeding. The figure charged after them—so they dropped the bit bag entirely and fled in opposite directions, filling the alleyways with curses and shrieks. "Get lost, you dayum cowards! Try picking on somepony your own size for once!"

Rainbow shuddered. The copper taste of blood filled her muzzle. The world grew darker... darker...

By the time her savior's hoofsteps drew closer, Rainbow's world was blacking out. She heard the sound of a bit bag being lifted, then jingled slightly.

"Mmmmmff... oh Rainbow," the voice murmured, soothing. Like honey. "Rainbow... Rainbow... Rainbow... even when you're lucky you suck at it." A sigh, and a heavy hoof softly caressed her cheek and ears. "Do I always have to save your adorable little ass?"

Rainbow tried to say something. Her heart leapt with breathtaking spikes, but she lacked the energy to produce any words. Her head teetered, drifting in the voice, drowning in it.

"Never got yourself checked out, I see. Well, hang tight. I'm gonna nurse your silly head back to health."

Rainbow exhaled, and then her body deflated... drifting into the blissful emptiness of sleep.

"...as always."

First Comes Love...

Rainbow's ears twitched to a dull ambient hush settling all around her. She shifted, and her muzzle rubbed up against a warm, plush duvet. A blanket was wrapped around the mare's petite body, and every shift of her limbs sent toasty waves of comfort rippling back and forth—as if her heart and soul was a basin full of warm water.

She was aware of a sharp pain, but it felt distant... like a black ship on the horizon. Rainbow didn't know how long she stood on the shore, staring at it. But every soft breath pushed the vessel at a distance, delaying its arrival at the harbor. Winds blew against a hard shell, whistling melodically between the cracks. It felt like a lullaby to Rainbow's pained skull. She would have smiled—if not for the fogginess cascading over her skull with the thickness of a glacier.

"Mrmmmfff..." she stirred, curling up into an even tighter fetal position. Her forelimbs instinctively reached out, feeling, clutching. A pillow slid into her grasp. Without questioning it, the mare hugged the pillow tightly with her whole body. She sighed with comfort, feeling the pain pushed even further away... especially as a warm, damp cloth was applied to her forehead.

"Hmmmm... some things never change," spoke a rich, velvety voice. "You still sleep like a little filly." A crimson shadow hung over Rainbow. "A clutchy... needy little filly. How in Tartarus have you managed these past few years?"

"Mmmmmm..." Rainbow squeaked. "...almost... as if you're... actually here..."

"Pining for the good ol' days, huh?" The voice rose and fell. "I doubt you're in any condition to be shrieking your head off, booger."

"... ... ..." Rainbow's ruby eyes flew open upon hearing the last word. A washcloth dabbed her forehead again. She looked up.

An athletic pegasus came into focus. Yellow eyes peered down at Rainbow from beneath an orange mane. Autumn leaves danced around the flank of a fire red coat.

"Now no sudden movements—"

"What the buck—?!" Rainbow Dash shot up, wings spread.

The mare sneered. "Dammit, Rainbow! Stay still—"

"OW!" Rainbow was barely hovering when she clutched her aching, throbbing skull. She hissed through clenched teet, her body crumpling in mid-air. "Ow ow ow ow owwwwww!"

The mare sighed, leaning back inside the cramped, dimly-lit quarters. Her yellow eyes were thin, lethargic. "I swear... you never listened to anything I told you..."

"Fuuuuuuuuuuu..." Thwump! Rainbow fell on her flank. Shey lay on a floor of randomly mis-matched bedsheets and pillows. Opposite of her inside the cramped compartment, a couch had been ripped out, replaced by satchels, saddlebags, a chair, and a tiny workbench. As consciousness came to Rainbow's figure, she smelled dust, mildew, and gallons of cheap perfume attempting to mask the rest of it. "My head... my friggin' head..."

"Yes, well, a bunch of scumbags in an alleyway kicking the shit out of you will do that," the mare said.

"Mrmmfff..." Rainbow clenched her eyes shut, fighting tears. The ship had slammed into harbor, and it felt like her skull was cracking and slicing into her brain. Every heartbeat registered like a gunshot. "The heck did they use on m-me? A jackhammer?"

"And on top of that, you must have drank a water tower full of liquor last night. Hrmmmff... some habits never die."

Rainbow squinted her eyes open. Sure enough, the world spun, and the mare stood at the far end like a flickering flame. "Las Pegasus... Hurricane's Harem..."

"Yeah. I know, right?" The mare made a face. Reaching over, she grabbed a water bottle and took a sip. "Mmmm... is that the best you've been able to do? I'm guessing shit didn't go well with that turkey vulture from Junior Speedsters Flight Camp." She finished sipping and held the bottle out to Rainbow. "But whatever. So long as she didn't yank your tongue out with that beak of hers."

"Hrmmmf... huh?" Rainbow looked at the bottle.

"Drink, booger."

"Rrrrgh!" Rainbow swatted the hoof away. "Back off!"

"It's dry out here," the mare said, frowning. "Don't be an idiot. You need water." She pointed towards her corner of the compartment. "You vomited—like—a truckload into the bucket over the past two mornings."

Rainbow's eyes bulged. "Two... m-mornings?"

"Place smelled like a friggin' petting zoo for leprotic elephants. Swear to Celestia..."

"I've been out for two days?!"

"Well, more like one and a half. Math was never my strong suit. That's why we... why I dropped out, remember?"

"Grnnngh..." Rainbow clutched her aching skull, shivering. "Mortuana Hotel. The girls..."

"Eh... so you had to give a bunch of lousy floozies the cold shoulder." The mare shrugged. "Not the end of the world."

"What are you even doing here?!" Rainbow snarled. "How in Luna's name did you end up in a place like Las Pegasus?"

"I'm trying to make a living. Doing pretty dang good at it, actually." The mare took another sip. She swallowed and gazed calmly at Rainbow. "Well, up until a week ago, that is. But who's keeping score..."

"And—what? You took time out of your busy schedule just to haul me to some goddess-forsaken dump?"

"Hey!" The mare frowned. "I saved your life, ya raspy little hump demon!" She rolled her yellow eyes. "Grnnngh... whatever. It was a stupid idea to follow you around."

"Huh?"

She murmured into the water bottle. "Should have just left old ghosts be. Buck my life..." She sipped.

Rainbow blinked. "Wait... Listing, were..." Rainbow squinted. "...were you the one following me all night?"

Listing Breeze finished sipping, gulped, and nodded. "Well, somepony had to look after you. Who were those jerks you were pretending to be hanging out with? Was that Lyra I saw in the bunch?"

"It was you!" Rainbow snarled, wincing from her aching head. "Dang it! Shoulda called the friggin' cops!"

"So they could do what?" Listing smirked. "Hold your hoof while you gawked at college mares shaking their tail to get by? Heh... I'm surprised you had enough feeling in your body to get a kick out of any of that."

"None of your dang business!"

"But it's true, isn't it?" Listing pointed. "You haven't gotten that shit fixed, have you? Hrmmff... I don't know what's worse, booger. Your stubbornness or your stupidity."

"Listing, you're the last pony I ever... ever want to see," Rainbow huffed. "If I was super beat-up, you should have just done the sane thing and taken me to a hospital."

"Yeah, right. The nurses would take one look at you and force you to undergo that dreaded operation you've always had nightmares about."

Rainbow paled, shivering in place.

Listing raised an eyebrow. "Still mortified of going out like your dad did? Face it. I know you, booger—"

"Stop. Calling. Me. That!" Rainbow's back hairs bristled like a dog's. "I swear... you are such a—" She froze in place, blinking. "Wait... where in the fudge are we?"

...then Comes the Carriage...

"Rnnnnngh!" Listing Breeze's muscles rippled as she swung a metal door open.

Rainbow squinted, her eyes blinded by a burning yellow world outside. She and Listing stood within the hollow of a collapsed, wheel-less carriage. All around them, overturned chariots, the segmented hulls of decommissioned zeppelins, and random bits of rusted junk lay spread out like gravestones.

As Rainbow's pained vision came into focus, she saw an immense sprawling desert stretching north, south, east, and west. A howling wind produced a constant ambient hush, and Rainbow saw sprawling orange mountains lingering to the north and west.

"I can't believe this..." Rainbow grimaced. "...you dumped me in the desert?"

"I brought you home," Listing grumbled. "I gave you water. Gave you a bucket to throw up in. Y'know... whole nine yards."

"You live out of a run-down carriage?!" Rainbow grimaced. "I thought you said you were making a living!"

"Oh, and like you live in a royal mansion."

"I happen to have a four room cloud home, thank you very much."

"Yeah? For how long?" Listing Breeze smirked. "Or did your financial habits actually improve since the last time we talked?"

Rainbow bit her lip.

"What'd you come to Las Pegasus for anyways? A warrior's funeral? I bet The Last Stand was the most fitting place for you to bottom up."

"For the last time, none of that is your busin—" Rainbow's eyes widened. "Crud!"

Listing blinked. "What?"

Rainbow spun around in a prismatic circle. "Crud crud crud crud crud!"

"What?! What?!"

"My bag of bits!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "The stuff Lyra won me! Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh..." Her teeth chattered. "I can't believe I'm so stupid! Those punks must have taken it! Ah jeez... ah jeez I am the worst..."

While Rainbow was rambling, Listing hobbled back into the carriage. She came back out, holding a weighted bag of coins.

Rainbow blinked at it. "You!" She snatched the bag, opening the contents and staring inside. "How many did you take, huh? One quarter? One half?"

"Celestia on a pogostick, Rainbow! What do you take me for?!" Listing folded her forelimbs, frowning. "I kept it safe. Just like I kept you safe."

"Two hundred... three hundred..." Rainbow fumbled through the clattering coins.

"Nine hundred and thirty-four bits," Listing said.

Rainbow blinked. She looked up. "You counted them?"

"And left them there. Cuz they're yours, not mine." Listing shrugged. "Sure, I could have definitely used them, given how rough things have gotten over the past month... but I'm no monster."

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow's nostrils flared as she fastened the bag tight. "The past speaks differently."

"The past is just farts and misunderstandings." Listing squinted. "Rainbow, what happened between you and me—"

"No!" Rainbow frowned, pointing a hoof. "We are not getting into that! Not now! Not ever!"

"Rainbow..."

"Especially not here in the... friggin' land of unwanted toys." Rainbow glanced around. "Just what kind of crud do you do for a living to make this your home?"

"Very lucrative work."

"Doing what? Bashing skulls in?" Rainbow's nostrils flared. "You were always super good at that."

"Says the mare whose skull I just recently saved from being turned into an ash tray."

"I don't owe you nothing, Listy."

"Heh..." Listing chuckled, her wings fluttering. "Heheheheh..."

Rainbow blinked. "What?"

"Been a long time since I heard you call me that."

"... ... ...I said 'Listing.'"

"No you didn't."

"Bullcrap."

"You're welcome."

"Rmmmfnngh..." Rainbow rubbed her head, stumbling away from the carriage. "Just point me in the direction of Las Pegasus."

"It's over there," Listing said, pointing northeast. "About four and a half miles."

"Good." Rainbow spread her wings.

"You're actually going to fly there now?" Listing blinked hard. "In your condition?"

"It's my legs that are noodles, Listing. My wings are fine."

"Yeah? For how long?"

"Goodbye, Listing." Rainbow hovered, flexing her wing muscles. "Guh... never thought I'd ever have to say that a second time..."

"Rainbow..." Listing cleared her throat. "In all honsety, I-I could really use your help."

"I told you that I don't owe you a thing!"

"Of course not. It's just..." Listing sighed. "You looked like crap when I brought you here. And for the past day and a half, you recovered so quickly... and you looked so peaceful sleeping like that." She gulped. "I dunno. I was... kinda hoping we could start out on the right hoof. Catch up."

"Yeah. So I could do you some stupid little favors, huh?"

"I just need help with one thing. That's it. Then I'll be out of your mane."

"Forget it."

"... ... ...my life is in danger, Rainbow."

"Buck you, Listing." Rainbow frowned, turning to glare at the pony. "Buck you. Buck you and your promises. Buck you and your lies. Buck you and your passive aggressive horse hockey. I ain't doing you jack."

Listing Breeze smirked. "You forgot 'buck you atop snow cloud.' That was always your favorite—"

"Rrrrrgh!" Rainbow blurred east. "Good bye!"

"See ya..." A red hoof waved.

The Things They Brayed

The dangling remnants of a rusted windmill pivoted two quarters of a circle in the desert breeze, wobbled, and pivoted uselessly back. Dull iron chains dangled from an overturned bicycle while a wall of bent aluminum teetered back and forth. Hazy yellow sunlight glinted off broken glass and a smattering of loose bolts in the arid dirt.

The wind pickedt up, tossing a tumbleweed across the outskirts of the inexplicable junkyard. Listing Breeze paced back and forth beside her makeshift home of a wheel-less carriage.

"Okay. So... remember Sky Surge and the Red Cloud Gang?"

"How could I not?" Rainbow muttered. She sat on a threadbare seat dangling from a bent swing-set. The petite pegasus drifted back and forth, resting her numb limbs. "They worked you all day and all night. I knew things got super weird when you were the one coming home late with bruises for once."

Listing Breeze squinted over her flank. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Rainbow sighed, rolling her eyes. "You were saying...?"

Listing resumed pacing. "So... uh... after you and I both—you know—stopped being you and I both." She cleared her throat. "Sky Surge's gang scored super big. This douchebag of a griffon tried settling down in northern Cloudsdale. He barked at everypony, tried to evict a school... y'know. Typical wealthy supervillain stuff. Everypony hated him. So, for the greater good—and a sweet bonus on the side—Sky, myself, and a few other badflank souls snuck into his hotel and made off with his jewels."

"Luna Poop, Listing..." Rainbow moaned. "Please don't tell me you're still tangled up with the Red Cloud Gang after all this time..."

"Will you let me finish the damned story?!" Listing growled. She sighed, staring off over the wreckage. "So, like... we got a lot more bits out of that heist than we expected. Like waaaaaaaaaaay more. Enough bits to swim in."

"I dunno who would wanna do that."

"Tch... I was being figurat, booger."

"For the last time, don't call me boo—"

"Anyway, the bits got to Sky Surge's head. He wanted to... like... buy a bunch of weapons and try and run the other Cloudsdale gangs out of the heavens. Stupid bonehead went powerhungry and wanted to start a turf war in the clouds."

"And you rolled with him?"

"Tartarus, no! What do you take me for, Rainbow?"

"You were really gung ho about being Sky Surge's go-to mare for tough gigs."

"Yeah, well, I'm really gung ho about keeping my skull intact! Not that I'd expect you to know what that means."

"Heh..."

"I knew what was rotten before jumping into it. So I took my piece of the score and took off for the western territories."

"So..." Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "What's the problem? Sounds like you got out of that whole stupid mess while you could afford it."

"Yeah, well... I afforded it a bit too well..." Listing smiled nervously. "About five thousand bits of affordability. Eheh... not that I was complaining for a few months."

"Let me guess..." Rainbow glared. "You took more than you were allowed... and now you're in it deep."

Listing bit her lip.

"So, what? Sky Surge wants his bits back? Is that why you're holed up in this junkheap?"

"Well, not Sky Surge, exactly. But what's left of the Red Cloud Gang. Sky Surge ended up being tossed behind bars and... uh... the Red Cloud Gang has 'reformed', so to speak, under a new leader."

"Someone tougher and bloodthirstier?"

"Kinda."

"Yeesh..." Rainbow shuddered. "I'm kinda glad I'm not living in Cloudsdale anymore."

"Things have really sank since you left, Rainbow."

"You make it sound like I'm the direct reason for it."

Listing continued pacing. "Anyways, the Red Clouds believe that all assets Sky Surge seized belong to them, and they're not too keen on former members having flown the coop."

"Are they after you?" Rainbow blinked. "You could easily outfly those bozos."

"It's... no longer that simple, Rainbow."

Rainbow narrowed her eyes. "Why's it no longer 'that simple,' Listing?"

"Mmmmmm..."

"Talk to me," Rainbow droned.

"I... joined a differen group here in Las Pegasus." Listing Breeze coughed and spoke on: "A bunch of tough cookies called the Desert Hounds."

Rainbow blinked. "'Kay... and what's that got to do with your situation?"

"I kinda sorta borrowed from them too."

Rainbow's jaw dropped. "Like how much?"

"Eight thousand bits."

"What in Tartarus for?!"

"I was going to make a drop for them!" Listing exclaimed. "They wanted me to make a delivery to the Buffalo Reserve to the south. Eight thousand bits for top-of-the-line parasprite dust."

"Parasprite dust..." Rainbow Dash face-hoofed. "Friggin' A, Listing..."

"Shhhh!" Listing frowned. "I'm not finished!"

"How?!" Rainbow gritted her teeth. "How could you possibly not be finished?!"

"I... thought I could up the ante a bit," Listing said, fidgeting slightly. "So, instead of going directly to the Buffalo Reserve, I made a detour by the Hump Gang."

"... ... ...who in the crap are the Hump Gang?"

"A bunch of mules who run the southern half of Lower Las Pegasus."

"You're dealing with mules now?!" Rainbow grimaced.

"I thought that—if I could get them a share of the cut—then they could toss a few carriages in the Desert Hounds' direction. We've been needing wheels desperately... especially out here in this friggin' wasteland."

"Listing..." Rainbow sighed, leaning forward from where she sat. "Mules are only good for one of two things." She held one forelimb up. "Packing camp supplies..." She held another forelimb up. "...or packing heat."

"These guys were pretty resourceful, though!"

"Uh huh. Yeah. Whatever." Rainbow squinted. "What happened?"

"They double-crossed me."

"Pffft!" Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Big surprise."

"They took my eight thousand bits and kicked me out of their hideout." Listing Breeze shuddered. "Now the Buffalos to the south think the Desert Hounds cheated them out of payment for the parasprite dust. So... none of my business associates are allowed to deal around the southern casinos of Lower Las Pegasus." She gulped. "And we never did get those wheels."

"So... let me get this straight..." Rainbow furrowed her brow. "The Buffalos think you and your gang robbed them of eight thousand bits."

"That's right."

"But the Hump Gang stole those bits from you."

"Uh huh."

"So now... you're eight thousand bits short with the Desert Hounds... who probably want your ovaries strung up on fenceposts..." Rainbow clenched her teeth. "...and you're still five thousand bits short with what remains of the Red Cloud Gang back in Cloudsdale!"

"That's pretty much it in a nutshell. Yup."

"Listing, when are you ever going to learn?"

"Learn what?!" Listing shrugged. "The situation's simple! I just gotta get the bits back from the Hump Gang... pay it to the Buffalos in interest... then get the parasprite dust to the Desert Hounds before it spoils!"

"Do you even hear yourself, Listy?!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "You're... practically at war with three shifty organizations! And that's not including whatever the LPPD are going to do if they catch you exchanging any of this crummy stuff!"

Listing rolled her eyes. "Come on, booger. I've gotten away with crazier stuff before."

"Pffft..." Rainbow folded her forelimbs. "Don't I know it."

Listing frowned. "Then why are you doubting me all of the sudden?"

"It's not a matter of doubt, Listy! It's common sense!" Rainbow scowled, "Just what do you plan to do with the Red Cloud Gang once you've made peace with the Desert Hounds... if you make peace with them?!"

Listing cleared her throat. "I'll work on it when I get there."

"See?! This is exactly your problem! You never plan for anything!"

"Oh, like you ever planned for anything, Rainbow."

"I sure as heck wouldn't have stuck my head this far up my own flank!"

"Oh really..."

"Yeah really!" Rainbow snorted. "I've changed!"

"Hah!" Listing snickered. "No you haven't."

"How would you know?"

"Because you're still limp as a noodle!"

Rainbow opened her muzzle, but no words came out.

"It's true, isn't it?" Listing wheezed. "Still haven't checked yourself out. Still haven't pulled yourself out of that medical mess. Still believing that fairy tales can come true and somehow save you from yourself." Listing raised an eyebrow. "Tell me, booger. This vacation you're on? Can you even afford it?"

Rainbow fumed, avoiding the mare's glare.

Silence.

A warm breeze blew dust and pebbles across the dead ground.

"Look..." Listing sighed, brushing her orange bangs back. "Sorry for getting... mmmm... h-heated. It's just that this situation is soooooooo crazy frustrating. And I'm at the end of my rope." She gulped. "I had plans of getting the Hell out of Dodge, but those stupid Buffalos are everywhere... and don't get me started on the Hump Gang. They've got friends in the griffon lands to the west. Plus, after all that business with the Red Cloud Gang, I can't show my head around turkey skies. Y'know?"

"Ever thought of flying east?"

"Pffft. What am I, a pussy?"

Rainbow sighed.

"What I need is an edge... an opportunity to catch the mules with their saddles down... and I-I don't have the resources to pull something else on my own. I..." She gulped. "I need a partner to help me outsmart them and win my bits back. Rainbow Dash, I need you."

Rainbow glared. At last, she muttered: "How much do you need, Listing?"

"Huh?" Listing blinked.

"You need all nine hundred of my bits?"

"Heck, no!" Listing grimaced. "Rainbow, I've already robbed enough souls in this cotton-picking kingdom! I'm not about to rob my own fillyfr—" She winced, squirmed, and blurted: "You. I'm not going to rob you." She gulped. "That's... that's not what all of this is about."

Rainbow took a deep breath. Flexing her wings, she tilted forward, landing on wobbly legs. "Well then..." With a sigh, she trotted forward. "Where exactly can we find this 'Hump Gang?'"

The Mad Dashie Project

An hour later...

"They're hiding out in Los Alamules?!" Rainbow's voice cracked.

"Shhhhhhhh!" Listing Breeze crouched behind a rock, overlooking a deep arid valley with tiny tents and dilapidated buildings forming gray dots in the desert distance. "Keep it down, will ya?!"

"Listing, the Hump Gang can't hear me. Nopony but you can hear me. So hear me!" Rainbow fumed, hovering with her forelimbs planted against her hips. "Are you out of your friggin' pony mind?! How could you possibly be dealing with these numb-nuts here?!"

"Shhh! Booger!" Listing snarled.

"And I do mean numb-nuts! Have you any idea what went down in this place?!" Rainbow flung her forelimbs towards the horizon. "Twilight told me all about it! Ages ago, Princess Celestia came to Los Alamules and tested her solar powers on a bunch of Tartarusian artifacts! She was trying to invent a new banish spell since the Elements of Harmony had vanished along with Nightmare Moon! For... like... years she came here and blasted and blasted this stinkin' valley with her super powerful solar death horn! If there's anypony living here, I can bet you they have more than two eyes at this point!"

"Rnnngh!" Listing yanked Rainbow down by her tail.

"Hey!" Rainbow frowned, collapsing limply by her side. "What's the big idea—" A red hoof pressed over her muzzle.

Listing frowned. "That was ages ago, Rainbow. The side effects of Celestia's magical tests are long gone. Besides..." She peered over the rocks, staring at the valley below. "The members of the Hump Gang have been operating out of this place for years. They seem okay."

"Oh yeah? Got any personal examples?"

"Sure. Their old boss." Listing cleared her throat. "He lived up to the ripe old age of thirty-three."

Rainbow face-hoofed. "That's not a healthy pony lifespan, Listing."

"Well, maybe it's a healthy mule lifespan."

"How would you know?"

"A fat load more than you."

"By what? Spying from them on these rocks?"

"No. I've snuck into their camp multiple times."

"You—snkkkt..." Rainbow winced. "Listing!" she hissed. "How many times are you gonna poke the bear before you realize it's the hairy mole of a sleeping dragon!"

"Wow. With analogies like that, your new friends must really suck." Listing chuckled. "Who's this egghead you keep mentioning? 'Twiggy Spunkle?'"

"Twilight Sparkle—"

"Is she he hot?"

"What?! No! I mean... maybe... I-I mean..." Rainbow shook her head. "Stop changing the subject! Now tell me... how many times have you bumped heads with these morons?"

"Enough to know that they protect their land very carefully," Listing growled. "So finding a way to snatch the money back will be tough. They've got all vantage points of Los Alamules covered."

"Yeah. Can't be too hard with the mutant antennae they've grown."

"Are you still on about that?"

"I can't believe I'm still talking to you..."

"Las Pegasus is a short flight away for a spry pegasus like you," Listing said. "But then you'd be missing out on all the fun."

"You forgot the part where they string you up by your ovaries and set you on fire."

"See? I don't even have to try anymore."

Rainbow sighed. "Okay... just... for the sake of a future anecdote... fill me in." She glared lethargically at Listing. "What... precisely... is your game plan here with the Hump Gang..."

Have It Your Way

Thwap!

Listing Breeze layed out a multi-colored sheet of paper across the floor of her carriage.

"This..." She pointed. "...is a map of the Hump Gang's town."

Rainbow blinked across the shadows. "... ... ...that's a coupon sheet for Burger Colt."

"Look harder." Listing gestured. "I drew the outline of their compound over it."

"With what, red ink?"

"Anyways, the first task will be—"

"All fast food joints use the colors yellow, orange, and red, don't you know that?!"

"Dammit, Booger—"

"Stop calling me that!"

"Then stop delaying my explanations!"

"Don't draw red-on-red and I just might consider that!"

Listing sigggggggghed, then resumed her briefing: "They have a barbed wire fence surrounding the compound... but it has a weak point here." She pointed. "Along the southwest. At precisely seven-thirty pm, the sun will have set in such a way that shadows from the tallest building will be cast over the weak point in the fence."

"So, you're planning to sneak your way in under the cover of early evening," Rainbow said.

"The hole between the floor and the fence is too small for the likes of me, Rainbow."

Rainbow blinked.

Listing stared at her.

Rainbow grimaced. "Me. You're expecting me to shimmy on through."

"You always did like a good squeeze."

"Ugh... can we not?"

"Believe it or not, this plan isn't all you." Listing pointed at the east end of the crudely-drawn compound. "I plan on entering through the front to distract the Hump Gang."

"Wait..." Rainbow squinted. "Aren't they super merry-go-round pissed at you? What makes you think that they won't shoot you on sight?"

"I'm charmed that you care so much about me for once."

"Listing."

"Alright." The larger mare cleared her throat. "I'm going to be presenting gifts."

"Gifts?"

"A bunch of weapons that I... er... borrowed from a caravan a month or two ago."

"Don't tell me there's a fifth gang getting caught up in all this..."

"Don't worry. I've got my flank covered in that department."

"You sure?"

"Totally." Listing continued. "I'll put on my charm... convince the Hump Gang that this is a business offering from the Desert Hounds. By normal Hump Gang procedure, they'll let me into the main building of the compound to collect the weapons and talk business. This should allow for a breach in their security... which will then get you a chance to sneak even deeper inside their compound... where you can find the stash of money I owe to the buffalo. I'll be doing my best occupying the Hump Gang's attention, so you should have plenty of time to make off with the bits and leave. I'll join you back at the junkyard past nightfall."

"Alright..." Rainbow nodded. "Sounds simple enough." She looked up at Listing. "And just where can I find the money hidden? Upstairs in the main building's act?"

"No." Listing turned the paper upside down, displaying an even larger sketch done in red ink. "Underground, inside the Hump Gang's secret vault."

"Unnnnnngh..." Rainbow pulled at her facial muscles, collapsing. "You've got to be bucking kidding me!"

Dashout: Equestria

"Look..." Listing pointed from where she and Rainbow Dash perched stealthily on a cloud high above Los Alamules. "See the entrance to the Hump Gang's compound?"

Rainbow squinted at the tiny silver shapes erected in the middle of the arid valley. "... ... ...yeah?"

"Now... trace your eyes left... follow the north edge of the fence... then stop about one hundred meters to the west."

"Okay..."

"Do you see it?"

"See what?"

"The object glistening in the sunlight?"

"... ... ...I-I think so."

"That's the marker."

"Marker?"

"A rock. Well... it's actually a half-rusted anvil, painted over in black and orange to resemble a rock. Truth is, time and... other elements wore the camouflage off. Now its reflective inner surface is exposed. Anypony wandering by wouldn't think twice about it. But the mules of the Hump Gang use it as a marker to point out the rear exit of the underground bunker."

"So... like... shouldn't we... I be trying to enter in through that?"

"It's heavily guarded from the inside," Listing said. "You'd have to know a password to speak at the dirt-covered door. And assuming that you even knew what it was, you'd still have to slip past a bunch of heavily muscled, heavily jacked-up mules. I'm talking too big for even the likes of you and me."

"So... why are you even telling me this?"

"Because it could make a good exit point."

"... ... ...how?"

"When the Hump Gang allows me into the main building, they gotta open it with these really huge doors. They're so big that there's a pony-sized space in the hinges of the doorframe. If you've snuck in at seven-thirty, right before I appear before the Hump Gang with my weapons offering, then you should easily be in the right place and at the right time to slip on through. That should let you get in through the vault."

"How do we know the vault door will be open?" Rainbow asked.

"Huh?"

"I mean... it's a friggin' vault, Listing. Probably built during all the solar spell testing that Celestia did?"

"Yeah. But they never close the front door."

"How do you know that?"

Listing snorted. "Because the mules don't even know the combination to get in or out." She chuckled. "We're not exactly dealing with zebras here."

"Y'know, not all zebras are super friggin' geniuses."

"Oh yeah? Tell me one you know who isn't."

"... ... ... ... ..." Rainbow blinked.

"Right. So, moving right along." Listing gestured at the distant compound beneath them. "I'll be escorted towards the second floor of the main building. All mule eyes will be and should be on me. You, in the meantime, will proceed through the vault door and make your way to where they have the bits stored. Should be in their main armory."

"And where can I find the main armory...?"

Easy Breezy

Listing Breeze and Rainbow Dash stood outside of her stagecoach at night. A lantern dangled creakily off a rusted hook above them, illuminating the map that had been spread over the top of a decrepit oil drum.

"After entering the Vault, you go down a flight of stairs, hang a left, and proceed down the narrow corridor lined with doorways." Listing pointed at the ink sketch while glancing at Rainbow. "This is the main hall of the vault."

"Looks like plenty of room to play hoofball."

"Will you friggin' pay attention?!" Listing frowned.

Rainbow sighed. "And where's the armory, exactly?"

"Two doors down, on your right."

"Is it open? Or do they know the combination of that?"

"The lock's broken, from what I can tell."

"Go figure."

"The mules should have everything organized by color. Look for the bits on the yellow-stickered shelves. The money's bound to be stored in rectangular aluminum bins."

"Is that where I'll find your bag of the Desert Hounds' money?"

"I... doubt that they'll have the bag in one piece, so..." Listing's words trailed off.

Rainbow squinted. "How am I getting the money back, exactly?"

"Just grab what you can carry and gallop out of there."

"Listing, I'm serious!" Rainbow gestured wildly. "Am I robbing these punks blind or am I just getting your bits back!"

"You know the amount that was stolen." Listing shrugged. "Just... round up a bit."

"Round up?"

"Yeah." Listing smirked in the lanternlight. "Consider it interest!"

"Dang it..." Rainbow huffed, folding her numb forelimbs. "I don't want to be the bad guy here!"

"What, you think these Hump Gangers wouldn't rob a baby foal blind?"

"That's not the point!" Rainbow's nostrils flared. "You're in it deep as it is with these punks. I don't want to share at all in that same cesspool."

"And you won't, Rainbow," Listing insisted. "You just rush in... hang a right at the second door of the corridor... grab the bits... rush back into the main hall... then gallop the rest of the way down the west corridor and out through the back door and into freedom!"

Rainbow sighed, face-hoofing. "... ... ...and what about the dudes guarding the back door exit?"

"I'll drag them out!" Listing said. "I'll be making a distraction!"

"What kind of a distraction"

"A super big one... I promise."

Rainbow glared.

Listing raised an eyebrow. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Pffft..." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "You know why."

"Alright. How come you're normally a tomcolt, but whenever you're around me you turn full mare."

"Huh...?!"

"Don't play dumb!" Listing smirked. "You ramp the sarcasm factor up by tenfold, Miss Passive Dashive Aggressive you!"

"First off... I've no clue what you're talking about," Rainbow muttered. "Second..." She pointed an angry hoof. "Don't talk in the present tense as if you and I are still a thing."

"But we were once a thing... long enough for you to know that I never break promises!"

"I never said you broke promises..." Rainbow stared off across the desert night. "Your promises just suck."

"I'll work my end of the heist! You can count on me!" Listing said. She smiled. "Come on! It's... it's like an adventure!"

"Mrmmfff... a waste of my good time, that's what it is," Rainbow muttered.

"Do I look like I'm forcing you to stay?"

"If I was smart, I'd fly right back to Las Pegasus," Rainbow muttered. "Vinyl and the girls must think I'm dead by now. Or worse." She looked around the junkyard, then at Listing. "I'm starting to think this is worse."

"What? Getting a chance to enact justice?"

"There's no justice about it, Listing." Rainbow seethed through her teeth. "You squandered your drug money by trying to make a stupid deal with these losers and they pulled the rug out from under you for your sins!"

"The money doesn't belong to them." Listing frowned. "It was for the buffalo—courtesy of a legitimate business transaction—"

"Which you messed up—"

"—for having the noble ambition of improving the working condition of the Desert Hounds!" Listing pointed at herself. "I'm the victim here, Rainbow! I don't know why you're coming at me with all guns blazing—"

"Because you wouldn't even be in this mess if you didn't jump out of the collective butthole of the morons spreading filth around Cloudsdale to begin with!" Rainbow snarled. "This is your problem, Listing! You never use your head!"

"And you started using your head too much." Listing folded her forelimbs. "How's that working out for you, by the way?"

Rainbow blinked, panting.

"Paying the mortgage of your cloud home on a timely manner? Working a respectable full-time job? Hmmm?" Listing arched an eyebrow. "Having an awesome time wrapping up winter with a bunch of watered-down earth ponies? Bet your dad's super proud..."

"You leave dad... my dad out of this," Rainbow grumbled.

"You were a lot more rambunctious before he kicked the bucket, y'know. It's a real shame." Listing stifled a yawn. "You're welcome, by the way."

Rainbow's eyes twitched. "For what?"

"I'm just trying to imagine what this so-called 'vacation' was like for you... being dragged around by a bunch of cider-huffing blowhards... being forced to shop and dance and giggle... ending up marinating in your own vomit as a reward for all of your loyalty... that's your schtick these days, ain't it? Tell me, of all the ponies who are loyal to you, who ever bothers to give you what you really need... or want?"

Rainbow clenched her jaw shut. Her tail flicked every now and then, but otherwise she scarcely moved.

"Face it, booger. You live for the thrill of the moment. Are you gonna get that in Las Pegasus? With these so-called 'friends' of yours who will drop you in a second as soon as your tab runs dry? Pffft... please. You came here for a diversion, didn't you? Everypony comes here to get lost. So... here's your chance. Hop on board and get lost with me. Oh... and about that interest I talked about earlier..." Listing winked. "You can keep it all to yourself. Add that to the dirty bits in your bag and maybe it'll help you go home and pay off your normal and boring life."

Rainbow sighed. She closed her eyes.

"... ... ...you don't have to thank me, y'know—" Listing began.

"I'm on board," Rainbow grumbled. She reopened her eyes, although her ears drooped. "If only to get you to shut up."

"I don't have to push your buttons," Listing said. "Just don't push mine." She sighed out her nostrils. "Goddess knows... for whatever reason... you were always friggin' good at it."

"Yeah, well, every giant has its weak spot."

"Heh..." Listing coiled and uncoiled her wings. "There you go again."

"So when do you wanna pull this craziness off?" Rainbow asked.

"Tomorrow. In the evening. Right at sundown."

"Seven thirty, right?"

"Yup." Listing nodded. "The sun will be my greatest ally... well... besides you, of course. Heh."

"Yeah, the sun and I know each other pretty well," Rainbow muttered.

"So, for the time being, that leaves us with just one issue."

"Yeah, what?"

"Sleeping arrangements."

Rainbow Dash blinked. She looked at Listing's cramped, confined stagecoach, then at the rest of the junkyard looming beyond cold, desert shadow. In the distance, wolves howled.

Listing cleared her throat. "I've got some extra pillows." She pointed at the run-down vehicle behind her. "We could just place them between us and—"

"I think I'll sleep in the dirt, thanks..."

Cold Shoulders

Rainbow Dash dragged a canvas tarp across the arid soil. Using the dim starlight as her guide, she stretched the material outward in every direction, forming a crude bed. Sighing, the petite pegasus turned around three times, then laid down on her side. She curled up, hugging her numb forelimbs to her chest. At last, after wrapping her tail around her flank, she closed her eyes to the desert world...

...and embraced the lull of sleep.

Precisely ten seconds later:

"You aren't seriously going to sleep out there like that, are you?" The voice came from inside the abandoned vehicle.

Rainbow's brow furrowed.

"If the cold doesn't kill you, then the coyotes will."

"I'm a light sleeper," Rainbow muttered. "I can be airborne within a sneeze."

"Come on, booger. Hop inside the stagecoach."

"Rnnnngh..." Rainbow gnashed her teeth. "Don't you ever learn?"

"Yeah, 'cuz I have this crazy habit of staying alive."

"No, not that..." Rainbow sighed. "And besides, I'm friggn' amazed that you've lasted this long."

"Yes. Because the life you're living is soooooo much safer."

Rainbow's ears perked. She sat up and squinted over her shoulder. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You think I'm brainless?" Listing Breeze reclined within the open doorway to her delapidated stagecoach. "I know all about you and the Elements of Harmony crud."

Rainbow blinked. "You do?"

"And I know that you've been getting into all sorts of crazy trouble in Pussyville."

"Ponyville."

"Whatever." Listing Breeze stifled a yawn. "For such a tiny, insignificant dot on the map, that place sure does get a lot of hydras, parasprites, ursa majors... you name it."

"Look. I can handle it." Rainbow snorted, turning back over to sleep again. "A little bit of danger never scared me off."

"Oh, I think we both know that for certain."

"Grffff... I mean it, Listing. I'm fine." Rainbow huffed. "I've got friends."

"Uh huh..."

"They make sure I'm safe. Plus, they keep me plenty busy."

"And yet... for as many friends as you have... you're still a cadaver ready to happen... just like your old stallion."

Rainbow shook. "It's not like that!"

"Isn't it?"

"Some of my friends... they've hooked me up."

"With what? A miracle machine?"

"I'm taking medicine, okay?!" Rainbow huffed. "I just... f-forgot to bring some with me on this vacation."

"Why's that?"

"Cuz I was kinda sorta hijacked into this trip."

"Hahahahaha!" Listing's laughter echoed through the desert night. "You were forced to go on vacation?!"

"Yeah. So?"

"So... Rainbow... how pathetic does your life have to get that somepony's gotta force you to chillax?"

"What do you care?" Rainbow grumbled. "I could never relax around you."

"But at least I kept you safe."

"Hrmmmmfff..." Rainbow's eyes clenched. "That's some definition of 'safe.'"

"Did you ever fly yourself into a canyon wall? Or play chicken with lightning? Or rip your wings off trying to break new speed records?"

"... ... ..."

"Face it. You had the right kind of recipe for excitement with me. I'd never would have let you fly off the handle."

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow shuddered, burying her head in her forelimbs. "You never let me fly away. Period."

"You did anyways, didn't you?"

Silence.

"I was always looking out for you, Rainbow," Listing said. "I'm sorry if you're... y'know... too angry and sad to see it. But you were never a prisoner. And if that's how you felt about it, then... maybe one of us just moved on..."

"It certainly felt like a prison at times," Rainbow grumbled. A slight shiver. "And a dungeon."

"I was learning, okay?" Listing grumbled. "Sure, I made a few mistakes along the way. But so does everypony. Why can't you get over that? We had something special... and it was about to become something positively amazing. But then... you left, Rainbow. And I was all alone."

Rainbow clenched her jaw tight.

"Anyway... this is neither here nor there. We've got some important shit to do tomorrow. If you're gonna sleep out there like a frozen dinner, so be it. All I ask is that you be on your A-Game when the time comes."

Silence.

"Did..." Rainbow murmured. "...did you really come to check up on me in Ponyville?"

Listing merely snorted in response.

Rainbow craned her neck up slightly. "We had broken up. Why would you do that?"

"Pfffft... always asking the dumb questions." And Rainbow heard the groan of the stagecoach door closing.

The mare blinked. With a sullen sigh, she curled up even tighter, fought the shivers... and surrendered to sleep.

Dashrito

"Up and at 'em, Rainbow," Listing Breeze's voice said.

Rainbow's eyelids tensed. A fuzzy world invaded her ears, accompanied by the dull roar of distant desert winds. She heard the crunching of Listing Breeze's hooves in the soil, and her nostrils tickled with scent of scrumptious spices.

"I made breakfast. Come on, booger." A tail whapped Rainbow in the flank, just strong enough for her to hear it. "It ain't your favorite, but it's not like I can afford out here in this Tartarus hole."

"Mrmmmfff... how... what...?" Rainbow stirred. She felt toasty and warm for some reason. "Hmmm?" Her eyes squinted open. She looked where she was lying.

Rainbow was still sprawled out across the same tarp as the night previous. However, to the mare's blinking surprise, her head lay on a comfy pillow. What's more, three layers of blankets were wrapped tightly around her petite figure. The vestiges of a comfy night's sleep peeled off of her consciousness, and she looked to see Listing Breeze reach into a steaming pot and fill a bowl full of dense broth.

"Uhhhhh..." Rainbow's muzzle scrunched and unscrunched. "How... how did...?"

"What?" Listing placed the bowl down before Rainbow Dash's face. "You're not as light a sleeper as you pretend to be."

Rainbow blinked. She looked at the blankets engulfed around her, then at Listing.

"Slumber time's over, Rainbow. Eat up. Stretch your muscles... if you can." She spread her wings and flew north. "We've got work to do. I'll go scout out. See you in an hour."

"Listing—" Rainbow reached a hoof out.

Listing was a dot on the northern horizon at this point. Rainbow watched as her ex flew north, arching about as she made her way towards Los Alamules.

Rainbow Dash exhaled. She looked at the bowl, cradling it closer. The broth had a familiar smell to it... something that filled the static pockets between each heartbeat. Rainbow struggled with all her might, but she couldn't help but smile... if even slightly.

"Hrmmmmff..." She brought the bowl up to her muzzle. Her reflection was blue, but the noodles and vegetables were orange and red, like Listing. "Friggin' idiot."

And she sipped, allowing the warmth to fill her as she slowly... slowly woke up.

Gulched

Crunching hoofsteps in the dirt announced Rainbow's arrival on the crest of a desert hill.

Listing Breeze stood at the top, squinting down at the lengths of Los Alamules. Without looking, the larger pegasus murmured: "Ate your fill?"

"I ate enough," Rainbow replied.

"Need to freshen up?" Listing outstretched her wing, "pointing" towards the heart of the junkyard behind them. "There're buckets of water hauled in from Las Pegasus. Some of them are still clean."

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "What is this, a daycare?"

Listing Breeze exhaled. "If I'm gonna have your help in this, I need you all in."

"Listy, just relax," Rainbow said. She came to a stop by the mare's side. "Ponyville hasn't softened me up half as bad as you think."

"Good." Listing cleared her throat. "Because the game has changed."

Rainbow squinted. "In what way?" Her muscles tightened. "Don't tell me that we may have a problem."

"...we may have a problem."

Rainbow groaned. "What is it now?"

Listing pointed down the hillside. "See that dense line of dark shadows moving north along the dirt path?"

"The herd that's kicking up all the dust?" Rainbow remarked. Her ears tickled to the distant sound of roaring hooves. "Almost look like buffalo. They sound like buffalo."

"Because they are buffalo," Listing said. "It's the group that the Desert Hounds were wanting to deal with."

"What the hay is bringing them out to Los Alamules?"

"Tradition," Listing snorted. "This used to be their ancient stampede grounds."

"Is there a place in Equestria that isn't ancient buffalo stampede grounds?"

"I know, right?" Listing smirked slightly. "Anyways, looks like they're doing a ritualistic sprint across the desert valley. This would normally not be such a big deal..." She pointed at the northern horizon. "Except for that."

Rainbow shaded her eyes with her fetlock.

Off in the distance, she made out a very small... but very real presence of dark figures drawing rickety vehicles. They headed southwest, angled directly for the Hump Gang compound.

"Mules?" Rainbow remarked.

Listing nodded. "Delivering something from Las Pegasus. Probably parasprite dust or some other crap." Her nostrils flared. "They couldn't be assed to know what the buffalo are up to."

"Heh... I see what you did there."

"But that doesn't change the fact that they're likely going to meet up with the buffalo in the dead center of Los Alamules at this rate."

"Yeah, and?" Rainbow squinted. "That'll leave them more distracted, right? It'll only work in our favor."

"Except that the mules and the buffalo from around here totally hate each other," Listing said. "Every time they meet up, the buffalo threaten to gore the mules' bellies apart, and the Hump Gang lock up their compound completely and hurl insults from behind their safe walls."

"Oh, terrific." Rainbow Dash clenched her jaw. "So, in other words... if they meet up... like they're about to in a few minutes..."

"...there'll be no chance of us entering their base to get the bits back."

"So... what does that mean?" Rainbow shrugged. "We delay for another evening?"

"The mules might not be around for another evening," Listing said. "Tomorrow, because of the buffalo, they might be completely closed for business." She sighed. "And there's no telling how long that will last."

"Alright, then..." Rainbow Dash flapped her wings. "...so the best thing to do here is stall the buffalo so that they don't run into the mules. Easy peasy."

Listing gaped at her. "...the Hell are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" Rainbow remarked, hovering downhill. "I'm going to go and stall the buffalo." She pointed. "You're welcome to fly ahead and get the Hump Gang to enter Los Alamules faster or something... if that's possible."

"You don't know the first thing about these punks!" Listing Breeze said. "They're nothing like Ponyvilleans or Cloudsdalians..."

"Yeah, but they're like buffalo, aren't they?" Rainbow smirked. "And I've dealt with buffalo twice."

Listing cocked her head aside. "Since when?"

Rainbow stuck her nose out. "There's a lot you don't know about the adventures I've been on."

"Hrmmmff..." Listing inhaled. "Clearly I don't."

"Go talk to the Hump Gang. Or don't. I don't care." Rainbow flew off. "Either way, I'll handle this."

"I'm still on the fence about that..."

"Oh for Pete's sake, Listy!" Rainbow groaned loudly as she flew faster and beyond earshot. "You've fed me. The least you can do is friggin' trust me!"

Can You Paint With All the Colors of the Wince

"Okay..."

Rainbow inhaled.

"Alright..."

Rainbow exhaled.

"I can do this..."

She glided gently north, passing over the thundering stampede of buffalo. Her wings sliced through the rising cloud of dirt that their heavy hooves made. Within minutes, she watched as her shadow crossed their hairy figures. The Hump Gang's hideout loomed a few meters north along the desert road slicing path Los Alamules.

"I've dealt with buffalo before." Rainbow clenched her jaw. "What's the worst that could happen?" She blinked, and her ears drooped. "Aside from a few headbutt-induced migraines, of course."

A long, lethargic groan exited her lips.

"Buck it. I gotta do this or else everything's busted." She muttered out the side of her muzzle. "Boy... wouldn't that be a shame?"

With a deep, deep breath...

...Rainbow barreled sideways... and dove towards the path ahead of the stampeding herd.

Over a hundred buffalo thundered north, leaving dust and hazy tremors in their wake.

Suddenly, a blue figure streaked down, landing nimbly in front of them.

The head of the herd narrowed his eyes. He raised a hoof, whistling shrilly into the air. Slowly—over the course of twenty seconds—the entire herd stumbled to a stop. Feathery headdresses and multi-colored beads danced in the desert breeze. They collectively blinked at the petite pegasus in front of them.

Rainbow Dash flexed her chest muscles, opened her muzzle wide, and shouted, boomingly: "Hey! Buffalo! Buffalo back to your buffalo homes, buffalo! These stampede grounds are too buffalo dangerous for the buffalo hating Hump Gang, buffalo! If you buffalo get buffalo near to their headquarters, the mules might start a buffalo war! There's a bunch of mules headed this way as we buffalo speak, buffalo! So, for your own buffalo sake, buffalo in another buffalo direction! Buffffffalooooo!" Her voice cracked, and she almost collapsed, panting for breath amidst a fresh curtain of sweat.

The buffalo stared at her. They exchanged blank expressions, then squinted at the mare in their way.

"Uhhhhh..." The head of the stampede frowned. "...that's pretty racist."

Rainbow wheezed, wiped the sweat from her brow, and looked up. "Mrmmmff... huh? What?"

"Yeah. Way to promote an outrageous stereotype, dude," uttered another buffalo.

"Uhm..." Rainbow's eyes fluttered. "Actually, I'm a girl."

"How do you feel to be the target of a gross generalization for once?"

Another buffalo stepped up. "Look... I know the media paints us in really lame... colorful ways. But buffalo just don't... spit out 'buffalo' at random."

"Yeah..." A buffalo behind him nodded, feathers flouncing. "...or yell at the top of their lungs."

"Like... that's a gross and unrealistic myth." One frowned. "It's almost like you're confusing us with mountain buffalo or some crap."

Rainbow blinked. "Hah!" She blushed, rubbing the back of her head. "Hahaha... hehhhhh... yeah." A gulp. "That's pr-pretty lame of me, huh? But... uh... go figure! Heheh..." She swallowed a lump down her throat. "Typical... dumb... ignorant tourist... amirite?"

"You do know that Las Pegasus is in that direction, right?" one buffalo pointed northeast.

"Oh! Totally! I was just... uhm..."

"Only ponies who come out this far are unicorns doing anthropological studies," the head of the stampede said. "Or else..." He raised an eyebrow. "...are you looking to experiment with mind-expanding meditation?"

"Huh? What—no!"

"Because that shit only gets sold in the city, girl—"

Rainbow Dash waved her forelimbs dramatically. "That's not the reason why... guh... I mean—"

"What's this you were rambling on about the Hump Gang?"

"Look..." Rainbow sighed, pointing northwest. "The mules have this hideout in the heart of Los Alamules. A bunch of the Hump Gang guys are heading along this path to return home."

"Oh, we know."

Rainbow blinked. "You do...?"

"Uh... yeah?" The buffalos smirked at one another. "We've only been stampeding over these grounds for—like—generations."

"Heh... generations upon generations."

"But you're right about one thing," the leader said. "We friggin' hate the mules around these parts. Lousy flankstabbing blowhards..."

"So... uhm..." Rainbow Dash shrugged. "What's the deal with the stampede? Aren't you afraid of locking horns with them?"

"We desert buffalo aren't afraid of nothing." The leader rolled his eyes. "But... goring the ever-loving snot out of mules is boring."

"SUPER boring," another buffalo said as the rest nodded in muttering agreement.

"So... we just hang a right before we come close to their compound," the leader explained. "That way we can still enjoy most of the stampede grounds and make a full circle... returning home to the reservation before nightfall."

"Huh..." Rainbow Dash blinked. "Well... that's pretty cool."

"Still, for what it's worth, we're glad that a random pony like you gives a damn," the leader said.

The others nodded and smirked. "Yeah! Most tourists from Las Pegasus wouldn't bother to warn us about anything."

"Right. They just stop their carriage by the side of the road and ask if we have any oranges to sell."

"And I'm like... 'what is this, Mexicolt?'"

"Hahahaha..."

"Hah! Yeah! Go back to Canterlot, ya fuzzy-coated pillow humper!"

"Friggin' anorexic horses made outta fruit," the leader said. He then winced. "Erm... n-no offense."

"None taken," Rainbow murmured, smirking. "So... you cool?"

"Yo, we're frosty."

"Alright. Then I guess I'll be on my way—"

"I gotta ask." The leader squinted. "Just what business does an out-of-town pegasus like you have with the Hump Gang—"

"Ohjeezlookatthetime!" Fwoooooooosh! Rainbow soared skyward in a flash, creating a miniature sonic boom.

"Wowsers..." One buffalo whistled. "That chick is crazy fast."

"Well, haven't you heard?" Another smirked. "Pegasi have more fast-twitch muscle fibers in their limbs."

"Rnnnngh..." The leader rolled his eyes and gave the signal to resume the stampede. "...remind me to stick some rattlesnakes in your outhouse when we get home."

"What?"

Before long, the herd thundered off, gradually making a bend towards the east.

Zoop, There It Is

Swooooooosh!

Rainbow Dash made a swift landing in the middle of the junk yard.

"Listyyyy?!" Rainbow trotted across the dusty space between rusted objects. She frowned. "Dang it, Listy! Have you any idea what kind of a fool I had to make out of myself just now?! Girl, you shoulda warned me that those buffalo were so... so... diet buffalo! I mean... argh! I'm cringing just thinking about it! Listy, you owe me."

Silence.

Rainbow blinked. She looked around. "Listing?"

All was still. Limp tendrils of cloth danced in the wind. Metal chains and joints rotated, creaked, and were still again. The door to the stagecoach hung open... empty.

"Listing...?" Rainbow trotted limply across the compound. She looked every which way. "For Pete's sake... where have you gone off in such a—" Her ears drooped. Paling, she spun around. "—hurry?"

Her eyes fell on the open stagecoach.

Biting her lip, Rainbow rushed forward on blurred wings. Fwooosh! She knelt inside the stagecoach's interior and began rummaging around. Her breaths came out in panicked bursts. The longer this went on, the more she shook... trembled... hissing curses under her breath.

Then... at last... she froze... and looked behind her on the seat.

A familiar bit bag lay in open view.

"...!" Rainbow seized it, immediatelly yanking the thing open. Once she felt the weight, and after she saw that the nine hundred odd bits were still there... she finally exhaled a breath of relief. She slumped against the doorframe of the carriage, smiling stupidly—

"What are you doing?" Listing's voice asked.

Rainbow jumped, lightly hitting her head on the doorframe of the stagecoach. She winced, squinting into the sunlight as Listing hobbled over. "Uhhh... I was just..."

"Is everything okay?" Listing craned her neck. She saw the bit bag. "You... weren't planning on leaving, were you?"

"What? No! I just came back from warning the buffalo and I thought... I-I thought that..." Rainbow gulped, then squinted once more at her ex. "Just where were you right now?"

"Doing business."

Rainbow's brow furrowed. "What kind of business?"

"Do you really want the grisly details, or would you rather hold your breakfast in?" Listing smirked at her tail flicked. "Better yet, fly south of me and you'll get an even better picture—"

"Eww! Listy, just..." Rainbow waved her forelimbs, looking away. "Ew."

"Hahahaha... what? Come on, booger." Listing chuckled, trotting away. "That sort of shiet made you laugh all the time."

"I'm not here to laugh," Rainbow muttered.

Listing cleared her throat, her smile fading. "Right. I get it. Guess there's no point in delaying."

Rainbow gulped. She placed the bit bag securely into the stagecoach yet again. "Look, Listy... I j-just—"

"What did the buffalo say?"

"Huh? Oh... uhm..." Rainbow gulped, rubbing the back of her neck. "They already were planning to avoid the Hump Gang's hideout. So... like... false alarm."

"Heh. Figures." Listing shrugged while gathering a saddlebag full of bulky material. "Mrmmmff... still... never can predict with buffalo, huh?"

"That's for darn sure."

"Well, I know you're chomping at the bit to go back to Las Pegasus and rise from the dead before your friends." Listing huffed, flapping her wings. "So... let's get this junk over with, huh?"

"How long until it's go-time?"

"Long enough. Come on..." Listing gestured. "I know the best vantage point to scout out the compound."

"If you say so."

"Jee. Thanks for the confidence." Listing took to the air. "Zoop!"

Rainbow sighed, soaring after her. "Zoopage it is..."

Sun Slicers

Rainbow Dash and Listing glided side by side. They kept low, bending towards the west of their target. With the sun setting to their left, they hoped that the bright glare inflicted upon any mule staring in their direction would obscure their approach on the Hump Gang's compound. This appeared to work, for the closer that the two drew to their destination, they came upon no resistance and detected no sense of alarm.

None of this, however, changed the fact that they were both in for a long, long flight in order to maintain such a careful, curved approach.

For the most part, the glide was spent in breezy silence. Listing knew the layout more, so Rainbow allowed her more room. The larger pegasus took point while Rainbow followed at a slight distance. As they flew parallel to the Hump Gang's compound, however, they slowed a bit. The two pegasi came neck and neck with one another, perpendicular to the setting sun.

At one point, Listing glanced aside. She broke the monotony with a muttering voice: "Your wings seem to be fine."

Rainbow looked over. "Hmmm?"

"Your wings!" Listing exclaimed. "I said they look to be working as good as ever."

"Uh... thanks?" Rainbow cleared her throat. "There was never anything wrong with my wings."

"Heh... talk about irony."

Rainbow's brow furrowed. "You know all you need to know about my condition, Listy," she droned. "There's nothing ironic about it."

"I sorta feared that—y'know—after all these years, the infection would have spread to your feathers."

"It's not an infection. Celestia on a Bike, Listy. Did you ever pay attention?"

"Only when it mattered."

Rainbow clenched her jaw tight.

"You sure you're gonna be alright for sneaking into the armory?" Listing asked. "This whole shebang won't work if you fall on your flank 'cuz of those legs of yours—"

"I'm fine."

"But—"

"I'm not as limp as you think!" Rainbow fumed. "Besides... I'm the faster pony here. I wanna get this over and done with more than you do."

"You sure about that?"

"Listing..."

Listing Breeze chuckled. "I got ya. I got ya." She took a deep breath. "Well, you're still smug as ever. I'll give you that."

"I'll give you every reason to believe in me."

"Wouldn't that be a change."

"... ... ...what is that supposed to mean?"

"Look." Listing pointed. "Those boulders."

Rainbow squinted at the site up ahead. "Is that where the secret exit is located?"

"No. That's further northeast. But it's a good place to sit ourselves and wait for the sun to go down some."

"How long until we break in?"

"Well, it's five thirty now, so a little under two hours."

"Great."

"Come on. Chillax." Listing motioned, beginning her descent. "We can catch a breather before the big hit." She smirked. "Maybe even find some time to catch up!"

"Oh boy..." Rainbow droned. "...I can't wait."

Potential Energy

Listing Breeze sat behind a boulder.

Rainbow Dash sat behind another boulder.

The two faced the Hump Gang's compound across Los Alamules. The setting sun warmed their flanks, drawing the sweat out from beneath their manes.

Condors circled somewhere overhead. The last warm breeze of the day rolled over the dusty valley. For a moment, Rainbow thought she heard the skittering of a scorpion, but it was too far away for her to be concerned with.

Minutes passed. Rainbow flexed and unflexed her numb forelimbs, all the while locking her eyes on the road leading north and south through Los Alamules. In the distant northeast, Las Pegasus was a stalk of gray haze. It was too early for the lights to twinkle into being.

"So... uhm..." Listing Breeze gulped. "...I heard about the Sonic Rainboom."

Rainbow Dash blinked. She almost turned to look at Listing directly... but chose not to. "Were you there?"

"Was I where?"

"Where else? The Best Young Fliers Competition."

"Pfffft. Nah... I was long gone from Cloudsdale at that point."

Silence.

"Good," Rainbow said.

Listing glanced aside. "Yeowch. You really don't me sharing in any of your glory, don't ya, booger?"

"That's not what I meant." Rainbow sighed. "That competition was—like—over a year ago at this point." She gulped. "Knowing you were out of town makes me happy. Seems like you ditched the Red Clouds earlier than I thoguht."

"Pffftchyaaah."

"Of course... out of the apple tree and into the barrel."

Listing winced. "It's not as bad as you think, Rainbow."

"Really?"

Silence.

More silence...

"Anyways, congrats," Listing murmured.

Rainbow arched an eyebrow. "On what?"

"On proving the sonic rainboom wasn't an old mare's tale, ya melon fudge!"

"Oh. Right." Rainbow nodded. "Heh... that pretty much was the best day ever."

"Every pegasus from Green Valley to San Franciscolt was talking about it," Listing said. "Even at cloudstops between here and griffon lands. You got your name across the board, didn't you?"

"Yeah. But, like, only for a day."

"Ugh." Listing rolled her yellow eyes. "Don't be a humble dumbass. It doesn't suit you." She smirked aside. "I started hearing shiet about you having... like... 'saved the world' from Nightmare Moon and stuff."

"The Element of Loyalty did that," Rainbow said. "Along with the other Elements of Harmony."

"Yeah. But that Element of Loyalty is you." Listing raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it?"

"What if it was and what if it wasn't?" Rainbow shrugged. "I was cool long before I ever moved to Ponyville and got mixed up with saving the world. Right?"

Listing bit her lip.

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "Right?"

"Maybe you took off because fate knew when and where you could go to get your groove on," Listing muttered. With a sigh, she rested her chin on her forelimbs. "Because it sure as Tartarus wasn't with me."

"Are you still on about that?"

"Booger, I was never off about it."

"That much is clear."

"Rainbow Dash, I never asked you to leave me—"

"No. You never did." Rainbow frowned, staring aside. "Plus, if you had your way, you'd never give me a chance to."

"I only wanted to—"

"What? Turn my love life into a prison?"

"We had more together than we ever had a part."

"You were suffocating me, Listing," Rainbow groaned. "I couldn't grow. I couldn't stand out. I couldn't make a difference—"

"And just when were you going to begin, huh?!" Listing's brow furrowed. "Your dad's death turned you into a miserable wreck. You never took flight school seriously. In fact, right when we met, you had dropped out of cloud camp altogether! Pffft... at the rate at which you were sinking, I'm surprised you didn't just pick a random balcony and jump off of Cloudsdale altogether!"

Rainbow bit her lip.

"Have you ever come close ever since?" Listing asked.

"No," Rainbow grunted. She sniffled slightly, hugging herself as she glanced aside. "Not at all. I have—"

"What? Friends?" Listing raised an eyebrow. "Like those tipsy drinking mares? Or those other 'Elements of Harmony?'" Her nostrils flared. "Hate me all you want, Rainbow, but I gave you an edge."

"Heh..." Rainbow chuckled bitterly. "Sure you did—"

"I held you close and kept you from being alone," Listing said. "And in the meantime, I showed you how to fly straight... how to make use of all that spectacular that spunk you've got stored up in that petite chest of yours."

"I was never your friggin' psychology experiment," Rainbow muttered. "I could have done well on my own."

"By doing what? Moping through the clouds? Hanging out with losers?" Listing sighed. "Rainbow, it pained me to see you just... wasting away like you did back in Cloudsdale. You would boast and joke and show off every day... but deep inside... and when nopony was ever looking... you were just a sad little filly looking for attention... wanting to be held close... wanting somepony else to show her how precious she was. All of things you wanted—but could never get by continuing to be the scampy little jerk that you were."

"What, am I supposed to thank you or something?" Rainbow said, glaring aside. "For all you gave, Listing, you took three times as much." With a shuddering breath, she looked across the desert again. "Yes... yes I am thankful that you looked out for me the way you did. You came in and gave me a shoulder to lean on when I needed it the most. But you know who else did that? Fluttershy."

"Hah!" Listing grinned. "Fluttershy? That limp bag of farts?"

"Listy, that limp bag of farts saved my life as much as you did. And she did so gracefully... and selflessly." Rainbow's nostrils flared. "And you certainly don't see Fluttershy getting lost in stupid old habits and snagging past acquaintances into the mess."

"Is Fluttershy living with you in Ponyville these days?"

"... ... ...yeah, why?"

"Tell me." Listing squinted. "Have you gotten any less miserable these past few years since we split up?" Her eyes glared. "Have you got any less pathetic... less depressed... less sad since you decided to hang out with these 'graceful' friends?"

Rainbow Dash bit her lip.

Listing slowly shook her head. "So... so much potential, Rainbow. I believed in you..." She nodded. "And I still do. When we first met, you were just a punk drop-out. Right before we split up, you had become a full-time weather flier. Maybe it wasn't a Wonderbolt like you had dreamed, but you were sure as heck getting your name across the board. I had hopes that once you took off for Ponyville... you would stand out more." She cocked her head to the side. "Tell me... are you in the Wonderbolts Academy yet?"

Rainbow sighed, hanging her head.

"Do you even have a job in Ponyville?" Listing exhaled.

"Two, actually," Rainbow muttered. "For a while there... two and a half."

"Any of them full-time?"

Rainbow winced.

Listing sighed. "Hate me all you want, Rainbow. But every time I peer deeper... I start to wonder if I'm the only pony in your circle of so-called 'friends' who even worries about you."

"I don't want ponies to worry about me." Rainbow clenched her jaw. "I never want ponies worrying about me."

"No, I suppose not." Listing sighed. "You're too loyal for that." She turned and looked back out at the desert. "Except when you're not."

Rainbow winced.

"Well... for what it's worth... thanks for aggreeing to help me get the Desert Hounds' shit back."

"Yeah..." Rainbow nodded. "I know how much bits mean to you."

"I'm not thanking you for the bits," Listing murmured. She smiled slightly. "I'm just grateful for the nerve."

"... ... ...?"

"You don't have to like me, Rainbow," Listing said. "But it means the world to know that you're in one piece."

"I'll always be in one piece, Listy," Rainbow said. "Don't you worry about that."

"I'll try not to," Listing said. "Only now... it'll be a bit easier for me. Thanks."

"Don't thank me yet. We've got a heist to accomplish."

Listing chuckled.

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Better make that 'three and a half' part time jobs." Listing laughed.

Rainbow blinked. She rolled her eyes... but ultimately laughed as well.

The dry air was briefly broken by mutual giggles.

Feathers and Listing in Las Pegasus

"Hey, you remember when I flew through Ghastly Gorge blindfolded?" Listing Breeze said.

"Hmmm?" Rainbow turned to look at her. The mare squinted. "I remember you attempting it."

"Hey. I flew through Ghastly Gorge blindfolded and that's that!" Listing tilted her chin up. "Doesn't matter how successfully I did it."

"Uh... yeah it does."

"Not in my vocabulary."

"Listy..." Rainbow smirked. "You ricocheted off the jaws of two quarry eels and ripped five feathers off in the briar patch."

"Pffft... details."

"... ... ...before face-planting into pure granite about two canyon turns before the finish line."

"Yeah, well, at least I tried it!" Listing pouted, folding her forelimbs. "I like to see another pony even make such a claim!"

Rainbow Dash gazed across Los Alamules. She recalled how—months before meeting Twilight—she made it through Ghastly Gorge with her eyes closed. Three times. The awesomeness of the feat was deflated, though. She didn't have anypony to share it with. She had very little friends, for the most part, until Twilight came.

"Ghastly Gorge is overrated anyways," Rainbow said. "What's the point in conquering danger when you know where it all is?"

"Well, guess that's a good point," Listing remarked.

"Just staying alive is pretty difficult as it is," Rainbow said. "Staying alive and afloat."

"Ugh... are we both actually doing it, Rainbow?"

"Doing what?"

"Are we both actually growing up?"

Rainbow shrugged. "Gotta happen sometime, right?"

Listing squinted. "That wasn't always your attitude."

"I've changed in a lot of ways."

"Yeah. I can see that."

Rainbow sighed.

"But... d-don't get me wrong!" Listing cleared her throat. "Whatever floats your boat and stuff."

"Just seconds ago you were ribbing me on for being the same mare with the same wasted potential."

"Yes, well..." Listing fiddled with a patch of dirt in front of her. "Not every pony's the same judge that I am."

"I think that's the smartest thing you've said in the past two days."

"Thanks." Listing blinked. "I think...?"

"Don't mention it."

"Do you... uhm..." Listing fidgeted.

Rainbow looked over. "What?"

Listing's ears drooped. "Do... do you think that I've changed, booger?" She looked over, her face long.

Rainbow gazed back.

"Like... f-for the better?" Listing winced slightly.

Rainbow stared. After a sigh, she said, "Stop calling me 'booger,' and just maybe..."

"Heh..." Listing nodded. "Fair enough."

"It's... uhm..." Rainbow gulped. "It's a good thing, Listing."

"What is?"

"Just knowing that... like..." Rainbow fidgeted, shrugged, then blurted: "You're alive n'stuff. You're in one piece."

"Glad to know that somepony thinks so."

"There's... nopony else?" Rainbow asked.

"Huh?"

"Like... I dunno. All your friends can't be scumbags here in desert drug land, huh?"

"Heh... you do what you can to get by," Listing said. "Even if that includes passing everypony by."

Rainbow could only nod.

"Why? Anypony else with you? Especially of the cuddly variety?"

"Huh?"

Listing blinked. "Er... forget I asked that."

"Yeah..." Rainbow hugged herself. "I think I will."

The Trineighty Test

"It's almost time, isn't it?" Rainbow murmured.

"Mmmmm..." Listing nodded, gazing at the stretching shadows. "In about ten minutes... roundabouts..." She cleared her throat. "That should be the moment to make my move."

Rainbow glanced at her. "Shouldn't you... like... get a move on now?"

Listing squinted sideways. "You're ready to get rid of me that quickly?"

"I just don't want you to buck this up, Listy."

"Believe me..." Listing Breeze waved her hooves. "I've got this. Me and the Hump Gang are like cookies and butter."

"Which is why they reduced you to crumbs before the Desert Hounds."

"Huh?"

"I just think that if we're to do this sooner—"

"Look, I've got it planned out, okay?!" Listing stammered.

"Don't you wanna be absolutely sure—?"

"Who's not absolutely sure? I'm absolutely sure!" Listing pointed. "Are you absolutely sure?"

"Why do..." Rainbow gnashed her teeth. "...you get so defensive when I so much as suggest reviewing the plan?"

"'Cuz planning isn't your thing!" Listing exclaimed. "It's my thing! It always has been..."

"Yeah..." Rainbow nodded, frowning. "And a lot of those plans tend to end up face-up in the rain."

Listing groaned. "And you wonder why I get so defensive."

Rainbow opened her mouth, fidgeted, and ultimately tossed her hooves with a sigh.

Silence.

"...you weren't always this snippy, y'know," Listing said.

Rainbow's nostrils flared. "You always were." She gulped. "Still are."

"Heh... I'd never describe myself as 'snippy'," Listing muttered. Her face drew long. "...I figure more severe words would cover it."

Rainbow said nothing. She merely stared at the dirt before them.

"I guess that's what shattered it... huh?" Listing sighed. "One of us changed." Another breath. She glanced aside. "In some ways, of course. You're still a miserable bag of limp noodles and—"

"Thanks for trying to be sincere," Rainbow grumbled. "Even if it was for a second."

Listing gazed off. She bore a limp smirk. "Well... here's to trying to 'make every second count.'" She smiled thinly at Rainbow. "That was your schtick for a while, wasn't it?" Her ears waggled. "Doing things in 'ten seconds flat—'"

"I can't remember the last time I ever friggin' said that," Rainbow grumbled.

"Heheheh..." Listing slapped her knee.

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Must have been... over a year ago. Luna poop..."

"Heh..." Listing sigh. Her smile faded. "I've missed so much." She looked ready to say something else, but either the thought or her tongue failed her.

Rainbow looked over.

Clearing her throat, Listing stood up. "Well..." She heaved the heavy bag over her shoulder. "I've got a front door to knock on." She glanced aside. "And you've got a side fence to shimmy under."

Rainbow looked up at her. "Southwest side. Beneath the barbed wire." She gulped. "Wait for you to distract the Hump Gang. Once there's a gap in the security... rush into the main building, enter the open door of the vault... and grab the bits from the armory."

"Bingo." Listing winked. "I'll do what I'm good at... making ponies' eyes roll. Or in this case, mules." An exhale. "Odds are, they'll get bored with me, spit on my crap weapons, and shove me out of my office so that I land on my butt."

"I'll take the exit to the west and we'll meet up at the junkyard."

"Righto." Listing spread her wings. "Glad you've got more than shebert between your ears."

Just as she was starting to take off, Rainbow fidgeted—then blurted: "Listy?"

"Yeah, booger?"

Rainbow bit her lip. "Take care of yourself."

Listing glanced down. A devilish smirk. "Now I will." Fwooosh! And she was skyborn.

Rainbow Dash sat alone in the middle of the desert. She watch Listing glide off. She hugged herself... and as soon as she realized she was smiling—she lost it.

The Manehumpin' Project

Rainbow Dash waited...

And waited... ...

She paced in tiny, dirty circles.

She took turns staring at the Hump Gang's compound and at a cleft of mountain peaks to the west. Earlier that day, Listing had explained to her the exact point the sun would be in relation to the summits for Rainbow to know it was seven twenty.

Rainbow bit her lip, fighting the urge to sweat. She looked at the compound again.

There was definitely activity at the Hump Gang's headquarters. Of all the dark specks trotting across the brown spaces between buildings—she could not begin to guess which one belonged to Listing. She was almost afraid to.

The only sound that carried across the valley was the hush of arid winds. In less than an hour, the sun would be down, and the desert would be bathed in darkness and cold.

Rainbow couldn't wait for an excuse to shiver.

She looked west and looked west again. At last, as the sun was starting to clip the mountaintops, she took off in a blue blur.

Fwooosh!

Rainbow Dash glided towards the Hump Gang's compound. She was not fast about it.

Clenching her jaw tight, the mare tilted her head left and right. She squinted hard—struggling to see beyond the shadows of the dying day.

Figures congregated near the east side of the compound. Rainbow saw many figures facing in a half-circle—and then she saw nothing. She had flown so close and so low that the main building was blocking her vision.

"Shhhhhhhhhhh-shoot,," Rainbow hissed to herself. She immediately clamped her lips shut, gliding lengthily along the rusted, barbed wire fence. She eyed the rocky ground, looking for a spot... the spot. Each second it took for her to locate the empty space that Listing mentioned, her heart shook... throttling inside her.

Just as panic was about to set in...

...she saw it... and it had been blocked up with rocks.

"...!" Rainbow touched down next to the spot regardless. As soon as her heart sank, her lungs refilled with a calm breath. It was a cruddy job, and Rainbow could tell that the rocks were incredibly loose. "Pffft... mules."

Rainbow squatted low, reaching in to pull the rocks out of the space.

And then she remembered how useless her forelimbs had become.

"... ... ..." Rainbow grimaced. She thrust and dug and clawed at the rocks. After a full minute of work, only a few pebbles were removed from the cleft. "Crudddd..." She hissed.

Voices.

"...!" Rainbow froze, her body pressed down to the cold dirt.

More voices. They were coming from the front the compound... due east. Among them was Listing Breeze's chuckling breath. The crafty mare was doing her best to use charm and wit on the Hump Gang thugs. Rainbow knew that she was gifted at neither of those qualities, and judging from the droning tone in the unseen mules' response, she could tell that the conversation was going to last for a while.

But not forever.

Rainbow threw herself at the rocks. She bashed against them. She slammed her elbows and kicked with her legs, causing dust to spread across the wobbling metal fence. The mountains had sliced an extra layer off the sunlight, bathing Rainbow in shadow—which was the only reason no one could see her.

At long last, she had forced a narrow space between the rocks and the fence.

Desperate, Rainbow took a few steps back, flapped her wings, and glided through the rough niche like a missile.

Cl-Clanggg! The fence shook, wobbled, and was still.

"..." Rainbow crouched on the other side, ice-still. She heard a few hoofsteps... a few more... then nothing. She was inside the compound, facing several broken down buildings—including the main warehouse where the vault was located. Listing's voice drew closer and closer towards the front, forming an echo. The window of opportunity was passing.

Silent as a whisper, Rainbow slithered forward, hugging the wall of the main building, rushing towards the front entrance.

...Oppenheimare?

Rainbow Dash was ten feet from the front of the building when she saw the stretched shadows of thugs posted on the rooftop. She bit her lip, pressing her petite body closer to the structure's southern foundation. Slowing to a snail-like crawl, she could suddenly make out the words being exchanged between the Hump Gangers and Listing.

"For the last time, we don't need any weapons," a raspy voice brayed. "This damn place can withstand a buffalo stampede."

"You make that sound like you're anticipating something from the locals!" Listing Breeze exclaimed, her voice chippier than usual. "Why not be even better prepared? I bet all the dust from around here gets into the gears and grimework of your usual pump-action boomsticks!"

"Mrmmmffff... our boss has told us not to spend unnecessary bits on extra junk."

"It's not 'junk' so long as you can throw it at a bunch of buffalo charging your outer defenses! And this stuff is as affordable as it gets!"

"I don't even know why you've come back," another thug grumbled. "You've bucked up your first attempt to peddle shit to us. I could have sworn our boss told you to scram."

"Which is why I'm speaking to you this time! You're young! You're sensible! I bet you're the up-and-coming promise of a brand new golden age in... HumpGangery! Wouldn't you want to protect that future? If not for you... then for your foals?"

"We don't have foals," a thug grumbled.

"Huh?"

"I said... we don't have foals. We're mules."

Rainbow face-hoofed.

"Oh!" Listing exclaimed. "Well... uhm... h-how about the super fine ponies that you woo into your abode?"

"What, like you?"

"Ha! Haha... ahem... I'm just here to offer you some sweet six-shooters, loverboy."

"Are those actual yoke-mounted revolvers in there?"

"Pfft! You bet! Come and take a closer look! I've got tons from all makes and models!"

Rainbow Dash heard the shuffling of hooves. More and more figures congregated around Listing.

Holding her breath, Rainbow waited... waited... and waited some more. At last, she heard a pause in the hoofsteps, and she decided to capitalize on the moment. She slithered forward—then hooked a hard left as soon as she cleared the east side of the building. She was immediately greeted by a huge open door. The space between the hinge and the door itself was—indeed—wide enough for her to slip through.

As the pegasus threaded the gap, she observed a splash of fire red color in her peripheral. Listing stood, surrounded by a heart-stopping twenty mules, all clad in various degrees of leather armor. Rainbow couldn't tell whether or not Listing saw her slipping in, but she wasn't about to wait and find out.

Rainbow ducked into the building proper. The interior smelled like a garage and was three times as grimy. Thin orange light wafted through translucent windows, illuminating the bodies of countless carriages in various forms of refurbishment. Several toolboxes and metal crates lied in Rainbow's path, and beyond them was a large door framed in thick metal: the entrance to the vault.

Wasting no time, Rainbow galloped in and around various stacks of equipment. She was nearly at the vault entrance when she spotted the shadow of two approaching figures. Sucking in her breath, she leapt to the side, hiding behind a stack of carriage wheels.

Two mules trotted up and out of the vault, murmuring to one another. The thugs craned their necks, curious about the visiting pegasus and her bag of second-hoof weaponry. Extra-pointy ears twitched in the desert light as they shuffled absent-mindedly past Rainbow.

"Check this sucker out!" Listing Breeze exclaimed, lifting a rifle out of the bag. A few members of the gang murmured in approval. "You should a flea off... well... yourself from a hundred meters!"

"Impressive," remarked a mule. "But I can smell the age off these things. If you think for one second this is gonna win back even a fraction of the bits that you wasted—"

"Pfft! Please... we both know our history together. I just wanna open new doors between us, y'know? Even the playing field here in Los Alamules... make things interesting."

"Like how interesting?"

"You were here long before the local tourism boomed. How'd you like to own the desert again? I could help you get there. This is just the first step in... uhm... magical friendship!"

"Hrmmff... I dunno... our boss is going to want to see this."

"Good! Let's go show him together! He's in his office now, right?"

"If this is some sort of trick..."

"Hahaha... can I really pass one by you guys? I mean... Tartarus... you already owned my ass once..."

"Heh... good point..."

Rainbow tried her best not to snort. On silent cat-hooves, she descended the first stairwell of the vault... and made her way underground.

The Eneighla Gay

Rainbow Dash turned around a corner...

...and bumped into nothing, really.

The mare stood in the center of a long hallway filled with junk, flickering lights, bags of garbage... but no mules. The underground chamber had a pungent odor to it, but Rainbow was far more taken back by the sudden lack of Hump Gang members.

"Mmmmmm..." Her fuzzy blue brow furrowed. "...almost seems too friggin' easy."

She soon discovered she was correct. Within twenty seconds, the scuffling hooves of thugs echoed across the corridor.

Holding her breath, Rainbow ducked to the side, squatting low behind a stack of cardboard boxes. The lights continued to flicker, and she detected a pair of shadows shuffling past her.

"Weapons?" one mule brayed to the other. "Why would she be here to sell us weapons? We've got enough weapons!"

"I think she's trying to fix her screw up with the Desert Hounds."

"Heh... fat chance..."

"Still, it's worth checking out. I wouldn't mind the extra scrap for my side project."

"Still trying to weld us a mechanical horse?"

"I... it... no."

"I'm telling you... the buffalo will never fall for it. They don't even have a wall around their reservation."

At last, the two shuffled out of earshot.

Rainbow Dash slowly emerged from her hiding spot. She sighed, ears drooping. "... ... ...mules."

Turning her head, she gazed down the long, long corridor. She could see the full extent of the vault—where it stretched west towards the location of the secret exit. If she glided as swiftly as her wings could carry her, she figured she could clear the length in less than half-a-minute.

"First thing's first..."

Galloping, Rainbow hugged the right wall. It wasn't long until she found the armory. The entrance was framed with thick steel, and the walls on the inside were even thicker. The fact that the Hump Gang kept it—and the vault—hanging open at all times was a delightful absurdity. A twinge of fear tickled her heart at the idea of someone accidentally closing any of the doors while she was down there. If what Listing Breeze said was true, then there was no reopening either of those doors, for nopony remembered the combination.

"Here goes..."

Rainbow dove fearlessly into the armory. Sure enough, the shelves were lined with various packages, containers, parcels, and treasures. There were jewels and diamonds—too pristine to belong to any desert thug. Over half of the items—Rainbow guessed—had been stolen from Las Pegasus tourists over the years.

"Come on... come onnnn..." She rummaged through the various items. "...Desert Hound bits. Desert Hound bits... where are you?"

At one point, she held a midnight black lyre with onyx strings. Grunting, she tossed the instrument over her head... then found herself grasping what appeared to be a dull prism of some sorts. Dropping it, she reached deep into one shelf... then leaned back with a large bit bag in her grasp.

"Ah ha!" Rainbow Dash grinned wide, sweating slightly. "This appears to be..." She juggled the weight and gave a coins a swift glance. "Yup! Mission accomplished."

Rainbow Dash turned around—

"Sweet!" Listing Breeze grinned, holding up a bag of jewels. "Gemstones!"

"!!!" Rainbow Dash blanched, nearly collapsing on her belly. "Listing?! What... what the heck are you doing here?!"

Listing. Listing Never Changes

Listing. Listing Never Changes

Grinning from ear to ear, Listing rummaged through several items, scooping them off the shelves of the armory and into a large burlap bag. "Yeah... heck yeah..."

"Listy..." Rainbow Dash grimaced... then grimaced harder. The hairs on the back of her neck and flank rose on end as she stared out the door and back into the armory. "...will you answer me already? What in Celestia's name are you doing here?! You're supposed to be upstairs, wooing the donkeys with your wares!"

"Mules, booger."

"Whatever!"

"And, technically, I am upstairs," Listing said with a smug grin. "At least as far as these Hump Gangers know."

"Huh?!" Rainbow blinked.

"I told them I had to use the little fillies' room... which is on the topmost floor, adjacent to the meeting room. But while I left them to drool over my bag of grimey goodies, I climbed out the window, flew around the front, and came down here." Listing grinned as she grasped what looked like a golden necklace. "Awwww yeah! This will fetch the Desert Hounds thousands."

"Look, will you cut it out?!" Rainbow wheezed. "I got what we came here for! Now let's go!"

"Not so fast," Listing wheezed, scooping more things into her bag. "With just enough of this crud, I can glide the Desert Hounds up Easy Street!"

"You... friggin' jerk!"

"Huh?" Listing glanced aside, blinking.

Rainbow gnashed her teeth. "This was your grand plan all along, wasn't it?" Rainbow dragged a hoof, frowning. "You always wanted to get into this armory and make off with all their stolen goods!"

"Don't be stupid," Listing droned. "I just thought of it now!"

"You just thought of it—snkkkt!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "Listy?!?"

"I mean, after all, you got in so easy-peasy!" Listing fumbled with the bag. "Why not make off with even more stuff? This could just be the big break I need to even the score with the Desert Hounds! Not to mention the Red Cloud flankholes—"

"Dang it, Listing... you always... always do this!"

"Do what?"

Rainbow snarled: "You get in deep... and then you do stupid impulsive stuff that gets you in deeper!"

"So... you're saying you don't want me to fix all my past buck-ups with these gangs?"

"What? No! I'm trying to tell you that it never works!"

"Pffft... friggin' get with it, booger..."

"Listiiiiing..."

Listing Breeze grinned. "Everything's fine so long as we don't alert the Hump Gang—"

Just then, echoing from two stories above:

"Hey boss! She's gone!"

"Gone?!"

"She's not on the toilet!"

"Where did that crazy horse bitch go—?!"

"... ... ...the vault!"

"Dammit to Tartarus! Go! Go! Go!"

"Oh... uhhhh..." Listing grimaced, sweating. "Whoops. Heheh..."

"Luna Poop!" Rainbow wheezed. Balancing the bits on her flank, she leapt out into the open corridor.

"Wait!" Listing tied her bag up and hobbled after her. "For crying out loud—just wait up!"

Visciously. Arranged. Tragedy. Scenario.

Visciously. Arranged. Tragedy. Scenario.

Panting, Rainbow galloped out of the armory and down the long, narrow corridor. Listing hobbled out of the armory, balancing an off-set bag of random junk over her flank.

"Where the heck are yo going, booger?!" Listing Breeze exclaimed.

"Didn't you hear their shouts just now?!" Rainbow wheezed, entering the stairwell. "I'm pretty sure they're coming this way!"

"Pffft! Please! Mules are idiots! They couldn't possibly realize—"

"Will you just shut up for one second?!" Rainbow snarled. At last, she reached the vault dor. The pegasus froze in place.

Several galloping shadows grew thick and thicker from the second story of the warehouse above. Before she knew it, Rainbow found herself staring down an angry phalanx of no less than thirty thugs sprinting her way.

"Look!"

"There's another one!"

"The stupid pony brought a friend!"

"We're gonna rip their guts out and feed them to each other!"

"Damned pegasi!"

The air flashed with angry eyes and yellow teeth. A sea of pointed ears surged Rainbow's way.

"Megacrud!" Without hesitating, she flew up, crossed her forelimbs over the support bars of the vault door, and flapped her wings in reverse. "Grnnnnngh!"

Through sheer wing power, she was able to pull the vault door slowwwwwwwly back. The Hump Gang charged in, screaming and shouting. When at last their heated breaths billowed through the remaining door crack—

THUDDD!

—the vault was sealed entirely. The support bars rattled in place, locking. Rainbow's forelimbs slipped, and she fell numbly on her flank. "Oomf!"

Whud! Wham! Thud! Angry hooves banged on the outside of the vault door.

Rainbow stood up, panting.

Seconds later, muffled voices grumbled to one another:

"Dammit! She closed it!"

"Do you know the combination?!"

"Of course not! Those ratty ass jerks the boss drove out didn't tell it to him!"

"Quick! Around the compound!"

"Yeah! The back entrance!"

"We'll charge those two flankholes from the other side!"

With dozens of thundering hooves, the Hump Gang drew away from the door.

Grimacing, Rainbow clambered back to her hooves and rushed back down the hallway.

She nearly bumped into Listing stumbling in the opposite direction.

"Whoah... you closed the vault door?" Listing remarked.

"Of course I did!" Rainbow's voice cracked. Wings flapping, she glided towards the far end. "Come on!"

"What's the hurry?!" Listing shrugged. "You locked them out! I bet we could grab even more goods—"

"Listy will you shut up about the armory?!" Rainbow Dash frowned over her shoulder in mid-flight. "Those jerk faces are galloping around the compound! They're gonna come in through the secret entrance and ambush us from the west!"

"Hoshit..." Gulping, Listing flapped her wings and glided after her—a sluggish feat with so much loot in her possession. "Yeah. Okay. Perhaps it is time to go."

"Hurry the buck up!" Rainbow shouted from a distance.

Fwoooosh! Rainbow Dash flew the full length of the corridor. Lights flickered faintly above her as she zeroed in on a rusted door at the end of the hallway.

"Come on... come on..." She gnashed her teeth, sweating as she touched down. "Please don't let mules be magically quicker than cheetahs..." Spitting on her numb hooves, she clasped the large rotary handle of the door, struggling to spin it loose. "Grnnnngghh... dang it!"

The strength in her forelimbs was too diminished. All she could feel was a tingling sensation at best. There was no way to tell if she was making any progress with the dial, but from the severe lack of motion... Rainbow knew she was wasting far too much time.

"For crying out loud..." Rainbow hissed. "Why... c-can't opening be as easy as cl-closing?" With a shudder, she spun and frowned down the corridor at Listing's distant red figure. "Listy! Get over here!"

"I'm... tr-trying!" Listing's voice sputtered from a distance. "Don't go so far ahead of me—"

"Listing, if we don't get a move on, the only place we'll both be headed to is the grave!" Rainbow spat, then grasped the handle once again. "Now hurry up! I'm going to need you to open this—"

There was a slender shadow of something rising... and falling.

CLANNNG! A heavy metal crowbar belted Rainbow across her shoulders.

"Aaaaaugh!" The mare lost the breath from her lungs... and collapsed across the floor. As her vision faded in and out, she made out the unshorn fetlocks of two mules wandering out of an adjacent room.

"Damn thieves! How in Tartarus did she get in here?"

"Who cares. Crush her skull in."

"Will do..."

And the slender shadow rose again...

Leaving the Vault

Rainbow's eyelids fluttered. White hot pain shot through her brain. Synapses fired, transporting her to a dozen different places at once. She smelled rainwater... the breath from her father's smiling muzzle... Pinkie Pie's party favors. Like cotton candy.

Time slowed. She saw a crowbar raising... aimed for her head. A mule's yellow-toothed smile.

"Mrmmmffggh..." Rainbow gurgled. She raised a limp hoof, mewling... pleading. "AJ..."

SWOOOOSH! Listing Breeze's muscular figure flew in, plowing the mule into a nearby wall. WHAM!

"Augh!" The Hump Ganger dropped his crowbar. Cl-Clank! Braying, he bucked his rear legs multiple times into Listing's chest with the merciless power of an angry donkey.

"Rrrrrgh!" Listing took half of the impacts, gnashing her teeth. "That all you got? Haaaugh!" She contacted his skull to the vault floor with a very familiar style of suplex. WHUD!

Rainbow caught her breath around this moment. It was with good timing too, for she spotted the second guard rushing Listing's right flank. "Listing! Behind you!"

Listing Breeze ducked blindly. A savagely thrown punch flew over her orange mane. Rearing back up, she flapped her wings in reverse, knocking the guard off balance.

"Wanna dance, do ya?" Listing jumped, kicked off a wall, and flew towards the guard in a violent corkscrew. "I call this the Cloudsdale waltz!"

Whuddd! Listing shoved the thug through a stack of wooden crates besides two adjacent doorframes. Splinters and debris littered the floor. The pegasus straddled the mule, repeatedly pummeling his helpless face.

By this time, the first thug had gotten up from the floor. Spitting blood, the mule grabbed a crate and approached Listing from behind.

With a gasp, Rainbow exercised her only good limbs. Fwooosh! With a flap of her wings, she glided belly-first across the floor and wrapped her numb forelegs around the mule's rear fetlocks.

"Aaaugh!" The mule fell on his chest, dropping the crate. Clank!

Listing paused in punching his companion to a pulp. She looked over her shoulder. With an angry snarl, she grabbed the big bag of loot and swung it towards the gang member's skull.

Rainbow wheezed: "No, dang it! Listing, don't—!"

Smassssssh! The resulting impact tore the bag open, spilling the stolen contents of the armory across the grimy vault floor.

"... ... ..." Listing winced. "Whoops..."

"Nice going!" Rainbow wheezed. She used the now-unconscious thug to pull herself up from the floor, quivering. "I thought you wanted to leave this place rich!"

"Yeah, well, you're welcome ya little dipshit!" Listing barked.

"Why are you mad at me?! You're the one who bucked all this up!"

"I've no time for this..." Listing grumbled, marching towards the door. "Since you can't open a single friggin' door, looks like I gotta do the hard work."

"Oh, so now you wanna leave?!"

"Shut up and pick all the crud up," Listing hissed, struggling as she turned the rusted valve. "Or are your limbs too useless to even do that?"

"Why are you getting on my butt about all this?!" Rainbow exclaimed. "For Celestia's sake! I can't even believe you!"

"Whatever... just get the most expensive stuff and—"

"Where's the bit bag?!"

"Grnnngh!" The valve finally gave way, turning loosely in Listing's grip. "Huh?"

"The Desert Hounds' money, ya doofus!" Rainbow shouted. "The thing we came all the way down here for!"

"It's the little brown bag."

Rainbow spun around, eyes twitching as she glanced across the loot strewn all over the floor. "What little brown bag?! Where?!"

"Dammit to Tartarus, booger..." Listing flung the rear door all the way open. Dim desert light wafted over her frowning muzzle. "Do I gotta do everything myse—" She paled. Her ears drooped as several angry shadows crossed over her. "Crud."

"There!" Rainbow Dash limped over a groaning mule's body, reaching for the bag in question. "I found it—"

Thwooosh! Listing flew over, grasping Rainbow's waist from behind.

"Guh!" Rainbow gasped as she felt herself being drawn away from the prize. "Wait! Listing!"

"Shuddup! Spread your wings!" Listing grunted as she flew the two of the swiftly out of the tunnel and above ground. "Airtime!"

Before Rainbow could reply...

...she heard a sea of angry voices. Shouting. Cursing. Spitting. Rocks and pebbles flew up after the two pegasi. And—shortly after that—

BANG!

P-POW!

BLAM!

Bullets whizzed by.

With expert grace, Listing twirled left and right before climbing to a safe altitude. A vicious stampede of mules loomed below, shaking their hooves and glaring skyward. However, there was nothing the Hump Gang could do.

As the last sliver of sunlight disappeared behind the westward mountains, the two mares banked about... then sailed off towards the far end of the desert... alive...

...and empty-hoofed.

Like a Listing Breeze

After flying for a full mile, Listing and Rainbow didn't land so much as they dropped. Breathless and witless, the two sprawled out across a patch of dry stone just south of a winding canyon. Pained bruises blotched their coats, and Rainbow could still hear the ringing in her ears from gunshots.

Minutes passed, and the ringing cleared away. In its place, Rainbow heard nothing but Listing's angry, raspy breath:

"...really?! You didn't bother to look behind you?!"

"Rnnghh..." Rainbow sat up, wincing from the fresh welt to the back of her shoulder. "Look... b-behind me?!"

"For the last two thugs!" Listing was frowning nonstop. "I told you that there were always two mules guarding the west exit!"

"Unnghhh..." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "I can't friggin' believe this..."

"What was that?!"

Rainbow Dash stood up. "You said that you would clear the guards out with your whole 'peddling junk' schtick!"

"Yeah... well..."

"And when you suddenly and spontaneously ditched the upstairs meeting room to come down and shop for loot with me in the armory—"

"Hey! I would have things covered if you were just fast enough!"

"Why?!" Rainbow gnashed her teeth. "Why are you always blaming crud like this on me?! Especially when it was you who messed it all up!"

"Don't start—"

"You." Rainbow frowned. "Messing up your plans!"

"We... st-still could have m-made it out if you weren't scrambling all over the place like a damned moron!"

"Scrambling around?!" Rainbow waved her forelimbs. "Listing, I was trying to cover for your stupid butt! I closed the front entrance of the vault so they wouldn't rush in and bash our brains out! You do remember hearing them rush in, don't you?!"

"Uhhh—"

"And who realized they were going to rush around the other side, huh?! I did! Which is why I had us rush west to the back entrance!" Rainbow frowned. "And I'm sorry about the guards but I was a tad bit busy worrying about getting the two of us out alive!"

"Can't believe you just left the Desert Hounds' bits."

"Gnnghhh..." Rainbow face-hoofed. "Do you even hear yourself? Is nothing... nothing that I'm saying getting through to you?"

"Don't use that tone with me," Listing said. "Only reason you're alive and kicking now is that I ran in and kicked those two mules' butts for you."

"That second guy was going to rip you to shreds!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "I grabbed his legs, remember?! Or are you too busy trying to come up with another way to blame this all on me?!"

"Huh?"

"'Cuz that's what it all boils down to, isn't it? You never think, Listy. You just... throw yourself at the moment and then when things don't float up the way you expect them to, you just blame the nearest pony in sight!"

"Rainbow, I saved you—"

"Or you just try to rearrange the situation so that you come out the hero!" Rainbow spat. "Listing, you messed up that entire operation! I admit! It was a simple concept at first, and I was actually a bit amazed that it was working so well! But—sure enough—you just had to be you and then everything went south!"

"I just wanted to fix some shit in my life, alright?!" Listing growled, waving her forelimbs. "Is that such a crime?!" She winced. "Er, I mean—"

"I get it," Rainbow droned. "Somewhere in that bird brain of yours, you thought that stealing even more stuff could make things even with you and the Desert Hounds."

"And if I won them over, I might have been able to work my way up to the top in Las Pegasus!" Listing exclaimed. "I could someday go back to Cloudsdale and fix things with the Red Cloud!"

"I know what you were aiming at, Listing..."

"It just... m-made so much sense at the time!"

"It was a gamble. A pretty big one. And you lost." Rainbow sighed. "You always gamble... and you always lose." A gulp. "I just... c-couldn't deal with that anymore... on top of everything else. And if nothing else proves the reason why, then you'll always have what happened today."

Silence.

"That was my last chance, Rainbow," Listing said. The mare gulped. "The stars aligned for that one single heist. Now the door is closed on the vault... literally."

Rainbow drew a hoof over her face, sighing.

"The Hump Gang will realize that they're being stalked. They'll branch out. They'll find my hideout and tear every piece of scrap to the ground. All opportunities here in Neighvada will be gone for me. I'll have to find a new place to stay. Someplace further west, perhaps, assuming the Desert Hounds don't get to me first."

"Yeah, well, that's what happens when you burn too many bridges."

"But... there st-still may be a way to ingratiate myself to them," Listing said. She bit her lip.

Rainbow lifted her head and looked at her.

Listing stared back.

Rainbow sighed out her nostrils. In a cold voice, she murmured: "You want my nine hundred bits, don't you?"

"They'll treat me like a lap dog for months, but it's still a start." Listing Breeze gulped. "And I'll be safe, booger."

Rainbow sighed. She began pacing.

"It might take a year... maybe two. But I'll work my way up towards the top. Once I'm in a good enough position, I'll come up with a plan to win back the money I've lost here in Los Alamules."

"How, through another crazy heist?" Rainbow grumbled. "Or are you going to murder this time? I mean... how deep does the well go, Listy?!"

"It doesn't have to go any deeper, Rainbow. I'll... I-I'll fly straight this time!"

"While working for a bunch of melon fudges named the Desert Hounds?" Rainbow groaned. "It'll be like Cloudsdale all over again!"

"It won't be! I pr-promise!" Listing gulped, bearing a nervous smile. "I'll even prove it to you!"

"How?"

"You can stay here with me!"

"What, in Los Alamules?"

"No, in Las Pegasus, silly! It'll be like old times!"

Rainbow sighed, pacing and pacing.

"I-I-I mean it'll be different than old times! I'll work myself up to the top! The Desert Hounds will protect me and I will protect you!"

"But it's never different, is it, Listing?!" Rainbow spun to frown at her. "It always... always ends up the same."

"Yeah, well..." Listing swallowed. "Not this time, booger."

Rainbow sighed again.

"Just... h-help me out here... and... a-and I-I will make it up to you. I promise."

"Where have I heard that before?" Rainbow muttered.

"Huh?"

Rainbow said nothing. She trotted past a boulder, staring east along the darkening horizon. The distant haze of Las Pegasus glowed like a silver nugget against the black veil of evening.

"Rainbow...?"

"I'm thinking," Rainbow grunted, then continued to stare. Her ears twitched atop her head as she pondered, thought, contemplated.

Listing looked at her, blinking.

At last, Rainbow sighed. She turned around. "I'm going to Las Pegasus."

Listing's features instantly drooped. "What."

"Odds are, the police are looking all over the place for me right now," Rainbow said, muttering. "Which is fine. Cuz I'm gonna tell them all about the Hump Gang."

"You'll... tell..." Listing's eyes closed as she shook loose the cobwebs. "What."

"This all has to stop somewhere, Listing," Rainbow said. "Those mules have stolen from both Las Pegasus and the local buffalo who knows how many times, and there's no telling what they have planned in the future." Rainbow shrugged. "It's the best thing, don'tcha think?"

"Rainbow, if you think it'll end with the Hump Gang, you're a frickin' moron," Listing growled, the red hairs rising up on her back and neck. Two eyes pierced like yellow daggers. "That web sticks deeper than you can ever imagine. It'll bring down the Desert Hounds... it'll bring down me!"

"What do you expect me to do?!"

"Keep mum about it like a good, loyal friend!" Listing hissed. "I could go to jail too, y'know!"

"And would that really be any worse than constantly being on the run from anything and everything?! Fearing for your life twenty-four seven?!"

"They'll still get to me," Listing said. "Either in a cell or in a yard or on the friggin' bus to Celestia-knows-where." Listing shook her head. "It's too dangerous."

"It's a gamble, for sure, Listy." Rainbow nodded. "But—all things considered—it's the only gamble you can afford at this point in your life."

Fuming, Listing stood up straight, taking a bold step towards Rainbow Dash. "You are not going to the police with this. They probably already know about the Hump Gang and Desert Hounds. How else do you think they keep their stinkin' jobs in Las Pegasus? But you wouldn't know. You don't know anything about any of this, booger." She held a hoof out. "Just give me the bits. I'll work this out my way."

"They're my bits, Listy," Rainbow said. "So it's my decision." She turned about with a sigh. "First order of business is telling Vinyl and the rest that I'm okay—"

And it was precisely at that moment in time when a fire-red hoof flew viciously across Rainbow's face.

WHACK!

The First and Final Lesson

Rainbow flew back from the blow.

Thwump!

She landed hard on the desert floor. Rubbing her throbbing cheek, she looked straight up with wide eyes.

Listing stood above her, gritting her teeth. "We are not going to the LPPD. And that is final."

Rainbow's muzzle hung agape. "You hit me...?" Her eyes narrowed.

"You weren't making any sense," Listing said. "I have to keep you from making a stupid decision. Just like I always did back in Cloudsdale." Her teeth glinted in the blossoming starlight. "Just like I saved you from those punks in the alley a few days ago."

Rainbow's brow furrowed. "You hit me..."

"You think like a child, booger. I'm surprised you've lasted so long without me." She shrugged her shoulders and trotted towards the petite mare on the ground. "But don't worry. Stick by my side from now on, and I'll keep you safe—"

THWOOOSH! Rainbow rocketed towards her.

Listing barely had time to gasp before her muzzle was being put to better use spitting up blood. WHACK! THWACK! Two uppercuts in a row sent her reeling. Before she could catch a breath—a savage knee impacted her chest. WHUMP! Followed by a pair of drop-kicking limbs to her spine. THUD! And a swift boot to the flank. WHAP!

After what amounted to six seconds of pain, Listing somersaulted into a boulder—where she landed dizzy and upside down. Once the flashing stars faded, she saw Rainbow Dash hovering above her with her hooves on her hips.

"Mrmmmff..." Listing gargled her own juices, squinting out a freshly bruised eyelid. "Who... h-how...?!"

"I could be more numb than a Manehattan cadaver and still I would be strong enough to take out trash like you!" Rainbow snarled. "But you wouldn't know that, would you, Listing?! You don't know anything! You just mouth off and mouth off and when that horse hockey doesn't go your way, you just aim your hooves and hope that some poor, self-hating soul bends to your moronic will."

"Booger—"

"I am not 'booger!'" Rainbow snarled. "The name's Rainbow Dash! The fastest flier in all of Cloudsdale, Ponyville, and Equestria put together! I'm an Element of Harmony... the inventor of the Sonic Rainboom... and the very embodiment of awesome."

Listing snarled, getting up. "Now you listen here—" A blue hoof clamped over her lips.

"Shut up!"

Listing paled, trembling.

"You hit me?!" Rainbow glared down at her. "I don't know what's sadder... the fact that you think that such a thing can healthily work or that—for so long—I actually let it happen." Her nostrils flared. "I'm not the same feeble pony you scooped up years ago, Listing—all because her dad died and she was so dang desperate for love... even from the cruddiest of cruddy sources imaginable." Her frown mixed with a devilish smirk. "I have done things... and seen things that you can't possibly imagine. I've single-hoofedly vanquished a mountain buffalo cave from a cyclops and a basilisk. I've freed hundreds of deer prisoners from a diamond dog lair. I've flown from horizon to horizon with a chaos lord... outflown the mightiest griffon... outwitted the Manehattan mafia... survived dragons and cave spiders and friggin' steam tanks. I've even been tossed through Death's Door itself and come back to brag about it!"

That expression melted back into a scowl as she leaned forward, glaring Listing down.

"And I survived all of that without you. But you can't possibly be expected to know that. Truth be told, you really don't know anything that isn't within reach of your four mangy hooves. I would pity that if it weren't for the fact that I know you, Listing. And guess what? You're not nearly as bad as you were when I finally had the gall to leave you. In fact, you're even worse!"

Rainbow Dash leaned back, wings flapping harder as she lifted up in the desert night.

"So... y'know what? It's over, Listing. Not just the hate... but the guilt as well. Cuz you're not worth it. You never were. Once upon a time, one of us was willing to let go. Spoiler alert: it wasn't you. I'm too awesome for this sort of crud. I always was. As for you? Well... good luck finding another pony you can punch into loving you. Although, at this point, I bet it's going to amount to punching stone, 'cuz all that's left to love you is dirt. And... well I can live with that. I wish you half as much luck... 'cuz you're going to have to live with that too. La-dee-freakin'-da."

And with that said, Rainbow Dash turned tail...

...and glided towards the distant horizon with ease. Her blue figure disappeared among the stars.

This left Listing Breeze with the impossible task of scanning the dark horizon for even a shred of Rainbow's shadow.

"Booger...?!"

She breathed.

"Rainbow...?!"

She hyperventilated.

"You come back here, you little shit!"

The anger was short lived, replaced with breathless desperation.

"I mean it! You come back! You... you're n-nothing without me!"

Listing shook, shivered. Her feathers were everywhere as she spun, reeled...

"Please... c-come back! Rrrgghhh... don't... don't d-do this!"

Panting. Shivering. Screaming.

"I'm sick of being alone! You... mmmmm... blue bitch bastard!"

"I'm sick of it!!!"

From a distance...

...Listing Breeze's cracking voice echoed.

Rainbow Dash heard every single word. And she was fine with it.

With a calm breath, she spread her wings. The feathers caught a brisk wind, and it carried her further and further away into the stars.

Are You Now, Rainbow Dash?

Rainbow Dash touched down, landing at the canyon's edge. The ground crunched beneath her hooves. A layer of natural gravel covered the dirty cliff. Pebbles rattled, fell, and plummeted into the abyss—a space so large that no echo tickled Rainbow's ears.

Rainbow stood, staring into the blackness. It took some time, but her vision eventually adjusted to the starlight. She could make out the far edge of the canyon, and the pegasus knew that it would take well over thirty seconds of speedy flight to make it to the opposite ledge. As it was, she stood dead still. Coyotes howled in the distance. Crickets sang from nearby thorn bushes and anchored tumbleweeds.

An exhale, and Rainbow squatted on the canyon's edge. She sat on folded limbs, resting... gazing... contemplating.

She had read about this canyon before... seen it on post cards and been told about it by excited travelers passing through Ponyville. She had never witnessed it with her own eyes. And, thanks to the veil of night, she still wasn't getting a clear picture of the geological phenomenon.

She could tell that it stretched for miles—north and south of her. If she peered her head to the right, she could see the canyon forming a winding, serpentine trench towards the starline. If she looked left, she could see where the ravine split up amidst a mess of mesas and buttes. She shuddered to think of the poor creatures that fell into the base of the abyss and survived—only to be trapped within hundreds of miles of steep emptiness. But—then again—the canyon was so grand and voluminous that it must have had its own ecosystem.

Rainbow imagined a closed-in place that was open... an isolation that wasn't actually imprisoning. It was beautiful to look at, even if it was all lampshaded beneath Luna's immortal vigil. But she felt as though she had experienced it before... lived it before. Every day... every bleary-eyed gaze into the mirror... every serenade of sobs held in secret beneath the shower faucet.

All those liquid moments, drowning in despair, and she never once bothered to look up and notice the stars.

There were tears in Rainbow's eyes, but they were tiny—misty things. Her nostrils opened, and she felt herself breathing stronger... fuller. Her insides vibrated. She felt hungry... ravenous... like she could gobble up the whole world and fly on to the next galaxy, smiling.

She was smiling... for she couldn't remember a moment before when she felt so weightless... so free. And the ironic thing was that she had been free for so long... for so many months. It was almost funny how quick she was to deny the fact... to cloud it up with a brand new hopelessness that was about as paper thin as her sighs.

She stared up at the sky. Beyond the twinkle, the cosmos held color. Rainbow thought of all the pastel shades in her life... the happy faces and the batting eyes and the warm voices that welcomed her on sight simply for the act of being her. And in the center of that collage, a single color stood out. She held it close to herself, wings coiled, tail curled and tongue rolling. Instinctively, she thought of whispering the six words... but somehow it didn't seem to fit. They felt so needy... so desperate... and Rainbow was suddenly feeling very declarative, as if she was upon the cusp of placing down a monument. So she chose five different words instead.

"I love you so much."

The chasm swallowed it up, and there were no witnesses between the stars to take notice. No one but her.

And that was enough.

It always was.

She smiled. Her skin was warm, toasty—even in the absence of a sun. She could close her eyes and still she'd be blinded by a golden glow, as though it was inside her all the time. And suddenly it was no longer pathetic, but righteous. Even if she had chosen to adore nothing, Rainbow was a far better pony than she was before, and she knew she could only get more awesome with each passing day.

Such is what happens when one cuts the tether free.

Rainbow Dash sat there for longer than she bothered to measure. There was no time, no space—only smiles.

Eventually, muscles moved, and Rainbow ascended from the edge of yesterday. She flew away from the canyon, heading towards the silver splotch of light that was Las Pegasus.

She felt ready to live again.

Cocoons

Rainbow Dash landed on a balcony of the Mortuana hotel and stepped in through the sliding glass window of her and her friends' suite.

She immediately heard sobbing.

Quietly, calmly, Rainbow turned the corner, wandering through the dimly-lit chamber as she followed the melancholic sound.

Past the bathroom, down a narrow hallway, she found a paper trail of shredded envelope and manuscript pieces. They gathered on the edge of the room where Caramel was staying. Pausing, Rainbow Dash squatted low, nudging a shredded sheet of paper with her muzzle. She turned the thing around until she was able to read the typewritten words evenly. She only needed to navigate two sentences... and the mare sighed.

Biting her lip, she gazed into Caramel's room... then quietly trotted inside. There, she found more shredded bits of a letter, followed by loose bedsheets on the floor. Trotting around the furniture, she discovered Caramel sitting against the wall in a slumped position. His mane was disheveled, and his eyes puffy from countless hours of anguished crying. He hugged himself, shivering in place.

Without saying a word, Rainbow Dash sat down next to him. She settled in place, then extended a wing to enfold the stallion's shoulder.

At last, Caramel shifted. Sniffling, he looked up and made eye contact with Rainbow. His muzzle attempted a smile, but failed halfway through. Nevertheless, a squeak of sincerity broke through his raspy voice: "Rainbow Dash..." A gulp. "I... I'm s-sorry. I didn't hear you come in..."

"Most ponies don't," Rainbow muttered. She tightened her wing's embrace. "How are ya doin', girl?"

"It's so very nice to see you, Rainbow." Caramel shook in place, eyes moist. "The rest of the girls were worried, but I... I..."

Rainbow looked at him.

Caramel's face broke. He lowered his head, quivering. "Mmmmm... please f-forgive me. It's so nice knowing that you're safe. It's just that... th-that I..." He gnashed his teeth.

Rainbow Dash inhaled. "What happened, Caramel? What did the letter say?"

"They... th-they want four times as m-much money!" Caramel hyperventilated. "Two of the doctors at the Canterlot clinic have retired overnight. They're n-now understaffed and... and there's this new legislature that's confounding the whole thing all the more and... and..." He buried his face in his hooves. "Mmmmm... j-just one thing after another, Rainbow Dash! Always! Everything k-keeps drawing away from me! And I'm just so sick of it..."

Rainbow gulped hard. "Maybe... maybe if you took back those dresses—"

"It wouldn't even come close," Caramel cried. "It's just so unfair, Rainbow. I don't h-have that kind of money! Not even in five years will I-I have that much money!"

Rainbow nodded. She had nothing to say but: "That sucks, Caramel."

Caramel shook, his eyes taking on a hard glint as he glared across the hotel room floor. "I'm so disgusted... so sick and t-tired of... of being stuck in this shell..." He stared at his fetlocks, trembling. "It's wrong, Rainbow Dash. Every day I look in the mirror, it's not me. Like... like a million butterflies stuck in an urn. And every month, they die off. I... I just want to be free, but at this rate... I-I almost fear that it will never happen. And when I die... it'll be like I'm buried in two coffins... one inside the other..."

Rainbow Dash held him close, listening.

"I hope..." Caramel sobbed. "I hope you never have to know what that f-feels like, Rainbow." He clenched his eyes shut. "I hope you never know what it means to be trapped inside yourself all the time..."

She leaned in, giving the stallion a friendly nuzzle. "I guess I never will, Caramel," she said in a calm breath. "But... I do know what it means to go nowhere." She tilted his chin up. "For what it's worth... I think you're one of the kindest, gentlest mares I've ever known." She bore a gentle smile. "I have faith that someday you will enjoy the awesomeness of being you... outside and inside." She breathed firmly. "The best and worst of us have found freedom without even expecting it."

Caramel's tears rolled past a smiling muzzle. "I... I always figured you were s-safe." He rubbed his cheek. "These past few day... after you went m-missing?" He shook his head. "I wasn't scared. You always know how to look after yourself, don't you, Rainbow?"

"Not always," Rainbow said. "But I'm getting there. Having friends like you is pretty wicked cool inspiration."

"You're too kind..." Caramel said. "I hope that someday... if I win the lottery or something... I can become as awesome a mare as you."

"Shhhh..." Rainbow straightened his bangs. "Redundancy's a lame shade on you."

He giggled slightly, but it didn't last long. Another wave of sorrow rippled through him, and he clenched his eyes shut, burying his head in Rainbow's shoulder. Rainbow held him close, allowing the sobs to subside. When the tempest eventually ended, they straightened the room together, and surrendered separately to the shadows of night.

Not Even a Scratch

Early in the morning...

...the front door to the Mortuana suite clicked open.

Vinyl Scratch entered, dragging an equipment case behind her. She took two steps in... when she saw Rainbow Dash. The mare froze in place.

Rainbow Dash smiled. She stood beside the kitchen counter, holding two cans of soda. "Uhhhh... h-hey there, Vinyl!"

Vinyl stared. Vinyl frowned. With icy precision, she telekinetically closed the door behind her.

Rainbow Dash gulped. "I... uh... I figured you might need some caffeine to continue doing your twenty-four hour wakefulness thingy... so I went down into the lobby and bought some Dr. Pony. Who doesn't like Dr. Pony, am I right—?"

"I don't drink soda."

"Oh?"

"I don't and I never have," Vinyl said coldly.

Rainbow gulped. "Ah... well... the fewer kidney stones the better, right—?"

"I searched all over for you," Vinyl said, glaring at the mare. "I scoured Las Pegasus. Upper and Lower."

"Mmmmmm..." Rainbow grimaced. "Yeahhhhhhh..."

"I bugged the police to no end. Their resources are spread thin as it is. Between the rampant tourism and drug runners nested deep within this city, they've barely got the time and energy to go searching for missing ponies... especially pegasi who think it's a bright idea to ditch their friends at a nightclub and go galloping into the desert without so much as saying a word—"

"I met Listing," Rainbow said.

Vinyl froze in place. Her features slacked slightly. In a calm breath, she lowered her shades... squinting quietly at Rainbow Dash. "...Listing Breeze?"

"Mmmhmmm." Rainbow nodded.

Vinyl licked the inside of her muzzle. At last, she trotted over until she was leaning against the other side of the kitchen counter. Clearing her voice, she spoke in a gentle tone: "And... are you... doing okay, Rainbow?"

"I am now," Rainbow Dash said. A deep breath. "I'd give you a bunch of details, but I don't want you getting any more worried than you already are."

"Let's not worry about my worry right now," Vinyl said. Her brow furrowed. "Did... did Listing try to... do anything stupid?"

"She's still Listing, if that's what you mean."

Vinyl sighed. "I'm not sure I even know what I mean anymore."

Rainbow Dash waved a hoof. "It's okay. She... uh..." Rainbow Dash cleared her throat, gazing at the hotel room floor. "She saved me from a bunch of muggers the night I wandered out of the Last Stand's nightclub."

Vinyl's ears twitched.

"Yeah. I made an idiotic move. Just... one of my less-than-awesome moments of self-collapse, y'know? I didn't feel comfortable in that place, and it broke me. So I went out for a stroll... ran into some bad company... and Listing Breeze showed up out of nowhere. She saved my hide... if only to use it as friggin' leverage to guilt trip me into doing some dirty work for her..."

"She's here in Las Pegasus?"

"Yeah... but probably not for much longer. Not after..." Rainbow grimaced.

Vinyl was silent.

Clearing her throat, Rainbow opened a soda can, took a heavy swig, then exhaled. "Long story short, I'm done with her."

"I had no idea you were undone with her."

"Fine. Let's just say I'm doubly done," Rainbow grunted. "More like quadrupely done. I'm through with her endless mountains of manure. I just... didn't have the strength to give her the shove until now... until this most recent reunion."

"What changed?"

"Huh?" Rainbow looked over.

"What changed so that you were finally able to give her the cold shoulder after all this time?" Vinyl asked. "No offense, Rainbow Dash, but when it came to Listing—"

"—I was a real cowardly lame-o. Yeah, I know."

Vinyl sighed. "I was going to say something along the lines of an 'unfortunate victim.'"

"'Unfortunate' works, sure. But the way I see it... I've only ever been responsible for the lows I've endured," Rainbow Dash said. "But no more. At least not where Listing is concerned. She's history, now. Now and forever."

"And she just..." Vinyl shrugged. "...let you go? Just like that?"

"I kicked the crap out of her, Vinyl."

Vinyl Scratch blinked. "Oh." She blinked again. "About damn time."

"I know, right?" Rainbow Dash sipped on her soda.

Vinyl sighed. "I suppose some apologies are in order."

Rainbow nearly choked. She squinted. "You mean me, right?"

"No." Vinyl exhaled through a shudder. "This vacation... this whole thing may not have been my idea, but I am mostly responsible for it—especially since it was my tour that we were piggybacking." She gulped. "Face it, Rainbow. The rest of the girls and I practically kidnapped you. If we hadn't coerced you into this trip, then maybe you'd never have gotten mugged or—"

"Don't apologize," Rainbow said. "Don't you get it? I've kicked the earth away, Vinyl."

"Have you?"

"Yeah. All things considered..." Rainbow Dash smirked, lifting the soda can. "...it's the best dang vacation a girl could have asked for." She took another sip, burped, and pointed at the red container. "Can you believe that this thing was once cough syrup?"

"Never touch the stuff."

"Eh... you're probably better off."

"Do the others know?"

"Huh?"

"Do the others know you're back?" Vinyl asked. "That you're safe?"

"Caramel does," Rainbow Dash said. "She's... not doing too hot right now."

"I... figured." Vinyl exhaled. "Every time I've tried talking to her, she's kept me and the rest at a distance. Which is strange, for Caramel."

"She's recovering," Rainbow remarked. "Slowly but surely." A sigh. "Nothing she isn't used to."

"You've hung out with her, I take it?"

Rainbow nodded.

"Loyal to the end." Vinyl leaned back, folding her forelimbs. "If only you were as good about taking care of yourself as you are about looking out for the rest of us."

"After this week?" Rainbow smiled. "I think I'm on the right track."

"Still, Lyra and Bon Bon would love to know you're in one piece," Vinyl said. "They've been worried sick. Especially Bon Bon."

"Right..." Rainbow took a final sip for courage and exhaled. "I think I'll tell Bon Bon first. Uhm... which room is she staying in?"

Vinyl pointed.

"Thanks a ton." Rainbow turned tail. "Hopefully this won't take long."

"Best of luck," Vinyl said. "I'll... uh... be in the far side of the suite." She trotted off. "Wearing headphones."

Appledashery

If you happen to be thinking to yourself, "Wow. Rainbow couldn't possibly go through any more than that," just remember that you're not alone. I too was pretty flabbergasted the first time that I heard about what transpired next.

If I recall, I even stopped her at one point to ask: "Did you ever think about giving up?"

Her answer still makes me smile whenver I see her today.

She said, "Kid. Life's a race, and just being able to breathe is a prize."

It's taken me a while to understand that, just like it took Rainbow Dash a while to realize what she was struggling for way back when.

But, believe me, when that breath comes... it's like learning that you've been spending your whole life underwater, and all it takes is a simple push to breach the surface.

Rainbow spent many a day in the depths, but soon she would discover the ecstasy that follows... even if there's a lot of agony in the wake.

Green With Empty

"Come on, Saddles!" Rainbow's voice cracked from the other side of the desk. "Give me a break!"

"I'm afraid I have, Miss Dash," Green Saddles said. The two sat in the stallion's office. The gray light of morning rolled even grayer through the window blinds. "In fact, I've given you several."

"Well... uh... g-give me more!" Rainbow's eyes were wide. "You know that I'm good at coming around with the money for the rent!"

Green Saddles sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Even if that were true, the fact of the matter is that this situation does not rest in my hooves alone." His nostrils flared. "The market for cloud homes is bustling. With all available moisture being cycled to Cloudsdale for the Equestrian Weather Commission, I'm being pressured from higher-ups to meet our standards of cloud distribution. If our tenants cannot pay, then we simply cannot supply."

"But—"

"There are plenty of well-paying families who want the same misty beds that make up the foundation of your home, Miss Dash," Green Saddles growled. "They have a need just as much as you do. The only difference is that they can deliver on their promise to meet the requirements of such a need. You, on the other hoof—"

"Look, I hit a rough patch! But I'm over it now!"

"It would seem as though you are always hitting rough patches." Green Saddles folded his forelimbs as he squinted across the room. "To say that you're 'over it' would be an earth-shifting miracle."

"Honest! J-just... uh... erm..." Rainbow Dash fidgeted in her seat. "H-how about a loan!"

"A loan at this point would be out of the question." He sighed. "In case you haven't looked through the record books before you chose to storm your way into my office, your extensive history of debt nullifies you from presently opening a loan with our—"

"Then I'll do clerical work around this place to make up for it! I mean... look at the dust on these filing cabinets! Wow! A bunch of wingfeathers could certainly make this place spotless!"

"Miss Dash, this conversation has exceeded the boundaries of comical hyperbole—"

"Oh! I can do stand-up too! Ahem... 'Why did the little orange filly cross the road—?'"

"I'm sorry."

"That was just a warm-up! Lemme try a good bit—"

"Miss Dash!" Green Saddles stood up, frowning. "I'm afraid that the purpose of this impromptu meeting was pointless from the start!" He sighed. "The paperwork has already been cleared out. You had two weeks as of last Sunday."

"As of..." Rainbow Dash blinked. "...last Sunday?"

"At least three notices were delivered to your home. Did you receive them?" He raised an eyebrow. "Or were you simply not there?"

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. She squirmed in her hard wooden seat.

"Like I said, I'm sorry. But we had very specific arrangements set up at the start of your lease..." He exhaled, sitting back down. "And you've neglected to provide on your end for more instances than I can even pretend to count." He slowly shook his head. "You are no longer a tenant of that abode. Come next Sunday, a group of Cloudsdalian weather ponies will be sent over to dissolve the cloudstone. I highly suggest that you remove your belongings from the property before then. The ponies can remove the materials for you, but I doubt you wish to accrue even more debt."

"Pffft.. please..." Rainbow Dash flapped her wings, hovering up. "You make it sound sooooooooo grim." She pointed at herself with a frown. "Well, I ain't ready to hang high and dry! This isn't over, Greenie! I'm gonna get you the money!"

Green Saddles face-hoofed. "Miss Dash, please..."

"I mean it!" She smirked devilishly. "After all, I've got two jobs, don't I?"

The Unbannered Mare

"'Fired?!'" Rainbow Dash nearly collapsed in the center of the warehouse. Her muzzle hung wide open. "What do you mean I'm fired?!"

Stamps squirmed from behind his desk. "We... prefer to use the term: 'Discontinuation of business relations.'"

"Horse hockey!" Rainbow snarled, causing several Banner Company employees to glance over from where they were busy packing and moving boxes. "You've totally fired my butt and I wanna know why!"

"You failed to clock in, Rainbow Dash," Stamps said. "You were scheduled three days in a row. I even sent an employee by your house to check on you. You weren't home... but there was a sign posted in the cloudstone." He raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know you were moving."

"Yeah, neither did I."

"Huh?"

"Look... I just... had an emergency situation!"

"Oh? Where?"

"In Las Pegas—" Rainbow Dash grimaced midway.

Stamps sighed. "You do know that you had already used up all your vacation time, Rainbow Dash."

"Uhhhh... wh-who said it was a vacation?!" Rainbow folded her forelimbs and tilted her nose up with a pout. "Like I said, it was an emergency!"

"Life-threatening?"

"You bet! And totally last second, too!"

"Do you have documentation from emergency services?"

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash blinked. "Uhhhhh..."

"Hospital records? Police notice?"

Rainbow bit her lip, starting to sweat.

Stamps sighed. "Rainbow Dash... you've always had a history of... infrequent availability, but I always knew we could rely on you." He gulped. "Until now."

"Stamps, I would never willfully turn my back on you..." Rainbow's voice cracked. "Or this job."

"I believe that." Stamps took a breath. "I wish my bosses did."

"Eugh..." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Why is it always somepony else's 'higher-ups?'"

"Maybe if I get promoted, I can find a way to squeeze you back into employment here again. But, for the time being, we can no longer utilize your services here at Banner Company." Stamps gulped. "I wish things were different."

"Oh yeah? Tch..." Rainbow flung her hooves. "Well I'm already over this place."

"Uhhhhhhhh—"

"For realsies!" Rainbow Dash marched off, attracting the anxious looks of several warehouse workers. "The work is boring and the yellow apron... Luna on a bike! I'm happy to be rid of that stupid thing! So you know what? You can take this job and find a manure pile to stuff it in! After all... I'm Ponyville's bestest, flastest weather flier! I can earn all the bits I want from my main job!"

Leeching the Friendly Skies

"Full up?!" Rainbow Dash collapsed on a cloud bed. "For a month?!"

"Yup..." Thunderlane kicked another cloud, then glanced over his shoulder. "I'm afraid so."

"But... it... how..." Rainbow grasped for words but came out empty-hoofed. "When were the schedules given out?!"

"Middle of last week," Candy Mane said. She pushed another cloud over and dissolved it with a heavy kick. Wiping the sweat from her brow, she squinted Rainbow's way. "You never miss the assignments. Where were you this time?"

Rainbow gnashed her teeth. "Plotting the murder of a realtor and mailroom overseer."

"Huh?" Thunderlane and Candy Mane blinked.

"Look..." Rainbow rubbed her forehead. "Be honest with me. Who filled in my spot?"

"Uhhhhhhhh..." Thunderlane and Candy Mane exchanged worried glances. "With words like those, I'm not sure we should tell—"

"If I don't find out, I swear, I'm gonna be kicking the flank of every pegasus in town until I find the one who took my place! Now who was it?!" Rainbow frowned. "Was it Stu?"

"What? Stu Leaves? Nooooooo..." Thunderlane shook his head. "It was Feather Free."

"Who in Tartarus is 'Feather Free?'"

"A new pegasus who just moved in to town," Candy Mane explained. "She's fresh out of Baltimare, seeking work."

"Yeah... well... she's got more than she bargained for, that's for sure!" Rainbow Dash frowned, punching her numb forelimbs together. "How could she possibly steal the weather spot from Ponyville's fastest flier?"

"Uhm..." Candy Mane lifted an eyebrow. "...because she's gotta feed her three kids?"

Rainbow Dash blinked. "Huh?"

"She's a single mother, Rainbow," the mare explained. "Her husband died in a carriage accident. She's moved to Ponyville so that the foals can study under Miss Cheerilee in a safe environment." She gulped. "Away from the town that caused them so much grief."

Rainbow's eyes fell to the distant earth below. "Oh."

"And besides... the spot was reserved for you for over a week," Thunderlane said. "Even when you were in town, you just... didn't seem to pay any attention."

"We tried reminding you, but you're getting harder and harder to find, Rainbow."

"Yeah... almost like you don't want to be found."

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. "I guess... I was pretty good at that, huh?"

"Don't worry about the weather flying spot," Candy Mane said. She offered a nervous smile. "You'll get a chance to do paid skywork again."

"Yeah..." Rainbow grumbled. "Over a month from now. What am I expected to do until then? How will I earn bits?"

"You seriously don't have any other job?" Thunderlane blinked. "I thought you did. I mean... Candy here and I don't do weather flying full-time."

"Yeah." Candy Mane nodded. "I help my sister deliver treats for Bon Bon's shop."

"And I'm on the East Everfree Firewatch team," Thunderlane said. "There's plenty of stuff for a pegasus to do, Rainbow."

"But..." Rainbow gulped. "Flying... is my bread and butter."

"Then why are you in Ponyville?"

"Huh?"

"Just saying..." Candy Mane shrugged. "If you wanted to do weather flying full-time, don't you think Cloudsdale—your old flapping grounds—would be more suited to your talents?"

"Yeah..." Thunderlane nodded. "And you'd earn crazy bits doing it." He smirked. "You truly are the best there is, Rainbow."

"Hehe... especially when you wanna be," Candy Mane added.

"Are... you guys trying to get rid of me?"

"What? No! Just... giving advice."

"Because... y'know... Ponyville..." Rainbow Dash shuddered. "This place is my home."

The other two pegasi exchanged glances, then squinted at her.

"Are you sure of that, Rainbow?" Thunderlane remarked.

Rainbow said nothing.

Between the Sky and Earth There Is Nothing

Rainbow Dash flew over Ponyville.

The mare glided in circles.

She realized this several revolutions in, having passed the same stream of baked scents wafting out of the west windows of Sugarcube Corner for the twelfth time in a row.

Staring down, Rainbow spotted familiar figures and colors through the front entrance of the bakery. She recognized Carrot and Cup Cake's yellow and blue coats. She spotted the flouncing fuchsia fibers of Pinkie Pie's mane. She found Filthy Rich and his daughter off in the distance, making their way for the popular local snack destination.

A few thatched rooftops towards the east, Rainbow saw Golden Harvest and Roseluck conversing in the marketplace. Cheerilee was busy browsing through nearby rows of flowers with a saddlebag across her flank. Somepony said something funny and the three mares laughed into the warm noon air.

Rainbow's eyes wandered to the left. There, she spotted Cloud Kicker and Sharp Quill chatting with one another. A mutal smile hovered across both pegasi's faces. Rainbow decided to glide on without saying a thing.

Along the east edge of town, Rainbow spotted Rarity returning to Carousel Boutique along with Sweetie Belle. The younger sister was carrying a stack of shopping bags for her older sibling. The Mayor brushed past them, and the three paused to talk. Even still, Rainbow Dash skirted by.

Two more revolutions later, and Rainbow Dash eventually touched down. She perched on a balcony overlooking the closest thing Ponyville had to a "downtown." There, she paused, folding her wings at her side as she observed the local hooftraffic. She recognized Big Macintosh, Minuette, Time Turner, and even Caramel. Her drinking buddy had his head bowed, so that he didn't notice Rainbow Dash peering down at him. In fact, almost everypony had their eyes on the street and the storefronts surrounding them. If Rainbow Dash wanted to be invisible, she could have.

For several months or years, even.

"I wonder," she muttered to herself in a dull, dry tone. "Do I recognize them better from far away?"

There was no answer to that; she wasn't looking for one.

With a sigh, Rainbow Dash descended... touching down onto soft earth. She could scarcely feel the grass blades from how numb her hooves had become. The buildings stretched above her. The trees' branches spread, constricting, overpowering.

Rainbow Dash felt very small on the ground. And what's more... for as far as she could tell... she was just as invisible as she was from high above. The only thing that even made her feel as though she was anywhere was the tiniest flutter of the wind through her feathers... and the occasional glance she stole of her own shadow.

In a strange way, it was fitting, and she let the thought carry her across town without a single conversation.

Leaves and Such

Rainbow Dash had stopped glancing at the citizens of Ponyville.

She had turned to watching leaves fall. They landed in a stream rippling under a bridge along the east end of Ponyville. The sound of a rickety windmill rattled behind a row of houses. There were voices in the greater distance, but she didn't pivot her ears to them.

Somewhere in the softness of the moment—between the ripples of the water—she came back to reality, and the utter hopelessness of having to come to terms with losing two jobs and a house all at once.

It was at such a precise moment that she needed a distraction... and it was at such a precise moment that she got it: in the form of heavy hoofsteps drawing towards hers. A stallion was drawing a wagon. His gait was drooping and his head was hanging low.

A shadow streaked over the bridge, and a voice from above—some random pegasus—hollered: "Hey! Stu! Sharp Quill's got Poker Night all set up! You coming or what?"

"Hmmm?" Stu Leaves looked up. He blinked, and he put on a smile. "Eheh... pretty tuckered out from all this harvesting. Think I might turn in early."

"Awww. You sure?"

"Yeah, dude. Heh... gotta get rich off of somepony else, I guess."

"As if! You smoked us last time! If nothing else, I was hoping for revenge!"

"Next week. Next week for sure."

"Whatever you say, Stu. Good luck with whatever you're haulin'."

"Thanks. I'll need it." As Stu said this, he looked aside. His eyes reflected Rainbow's blue figure and he immediately jerked in place.

Rainbow Dash looked calmly at him.

Stu stared back. He blinked... then blinked again.

Rainbow's brow furrowed. Eventually, she exhaled: "Stu..."

"Hey. Rainbow." He fidgeted a bit, then eventually smiled. "You took off so suddenly. I—"

"Vacation."

"Oh?" Stu's ears twitched. "Oh! Oh right. Vacation. Of course." He froze in place while his ears and tail drooped. Whatever warmth was in his voice had dwindled completely. For a moment, it appeared as if he was staring through the mare... towards some unseen point.

Rainbow cocked her head to the side. "Stu?"

It took him an awkward five seconds to register the fact that she had even spoken. His eyes lifted again. The two looked directly at one another. A spark of warmth flickered across Stu's eyes. His lungs shuddered, and for a second he appeared as though he was going to say something. His muzzle hung open... lingered... then closed again. The next smile that crossed him was genuine, if not a calm and dry thing.

"It's a nice... nice thing to have you around, Rainbow," he suddenly said.

Rainbow squinted. "Stu...?"

"You're... always super kind to me," he remarked. Clearing his throat, the stallion added: "Probably... way more than I deserve."

Rainbow stood in place. She gave a tiny, lazy shrug. "Why wouldn't I be nice to you?"

"Yeah... I guess that's a good point." He exhaled, staring across the rooftops with a glazed expression.

"Stu?" Rainbow leaned forward. "Is everything okay, dude?"

"... ... ...hmmm?" He glanced sideways at her. "Oh. Yes. Everything is... as it should be." He cleared his throat. "I just... have stuff to think about, y'know?"

"Yeah," Rainbow replied sooner than she had intended to. "I do."

"I always imagined," Stu remarked. "Wish I could play it cool... be cool... like you." Silence. Eventually, he trotted along with the cart. "Looking forward to flying with you again."

"Uh... yeah... sure..." Rainbow pivoted, watching curiously as the stallion walked off. For the first time in hours, her numbness had given away—but the tingling was more unsettling than she had hoped for. With a determined breath, she flapped her wings and made for the far end of town.

Awesomeness Doesn't Settle

Fluttershy finished her sip of water and placed the cup down on an end table. "It happened two days ago."

Rainbow Dash blinked hard. She sat on a sofa across from her friend in the cottage's living room. "What happened two days ago?"

"I'm... uh... I'm not entirely certain, really..." Fluttershy bit on her bottom lip while half of her face hid behind a lock of pink hair. "But... Stu Leaves and Applejack just..." She cleared her throat tenderly. "...need some time apart."

Rainbow squinted. "You mean they broke up?"

"Now I didn't s-say that."

"What else could it possibly mean?!" Rainbow Dash shrugged wildly. "You should have seen him, Flutters. He was like a whole different stallion!"

"Oh no..." Fluttershy's features drooped as she shrunk back in her chair. "Is he devastated?"

"Is he devastated?!" Rainbow Dash froze for a moment. She leaned back, rubbing her head in thought. "Well... no, actually. I mean... if it is a breakup, he seems to be... taking it kinda well."

"Oh..." Fluttershy sighed with relief. "I'm glad for that. I-I mean... not glad for the fact that he and Applejack are keeping such distance from each other. But..." She gulped. "I feared the worst."

"Why?" Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "Why did you 'fear the worst?'"

"Mmmmmm..." The tiniest hint of a frown crossed Fluttershy's cheeks. "It's Big Mac."

Silence.

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow squinted. "What about him?"

"He's been... very quiet as of late."

"So?" Rainbow shrugged. "He's always quiet."

"Not around me, he isn't." Fluttershy folded her forelimbs. "But just two days ago, he muttered something about Stu and AJ." She blew out the corner of her muzzle. "And he's been brooding and distant."

"Ah jeez..." Rainbow winced. "Are you two having your first argument?"

"Huh?" Fluttershy gasped, her wings flexing. "No! Oh goodness, no! Nothing of the sort! At least..." She fiddled with her hooves, trembling. "I hope not..."

Rainbow gestured. "Forget I said anything. I'm sure he's just... going through a mood swing. I mean, stallions totally have those..." She cocked her head to the side. "Right?"

"Big Mac certainly does. When something troubles him, he positively clams up."

"Well, I guess you would know more than any other pony." Rainbow cleared her throat. "Any pony but AJ."

"Ohhhhhh..." Fluttershy sniffled. "I hope everything's okay at the farm. What if..." She bit onto her fetlock. "...what if Winona's sick?" Her pupils shrank. "Or if Apple Bloom went into relapse!"

"Relapse...?" Rainbow gave her a bored look. "For a snake bite?"

"It's a magical kingdom, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy stammered. "The sky's the limit. You know that."

"I also know that the Apple Family are super crazy honest." Rainbow tried to smile. "If there was something horribly wrong at the farm, I'm sure any single one of them would tell us."

"I would hope so." Fluttershy gulped. "The last two times I saw Big Mac, he was... unhappy." An exhale. "In a very anxious way. I can tell."

Rainbow brushed her mane back. "Yeesh... I just can't get over it..." Her tail flicked. "Applejack and Stu... not seeing each other?"

"I know." Fluttershy nodded. "And after everything you've done to keep them together—" She froze in mid-speech. Her eyes twitched, then looked up to meet Rainbow.

Rainbow stared back. "What?"

"This... this must be very... very big news for you."

"Flutters..." Rainbow sighed. "I'm not that pathetic."

"No. But... you're still you." Fluttershy gulped. "Once you've set your heart on somepony, it takes years for you to pull yourself away."

"If Applejack needs her space from Stu, then she needs her space from everypony."

"Yes, but not from her friends."

"Fluttershy, you know what I mean," Rainbow exhaled.

"I know. I know." Fluttershy nodded. "It's just that... I know how much Applejack means to you. And... and after she and Stu became an item, you... suddenly disappeared. And while I had hoped that you would... y'know... move on from the whole matter..." Fluttershy sniffled. "I-I was afraid for a moment there that you had moved on too far!"

"Hey, Fluttershy..." Rainbow Dash smiled sweetly. "It's okay..."

"For a whole week, I worried about you..." A tear ran down Fluttershy's cheek and she rubbed it dry. "You... you have friends who care about you so much, Rainbow Dash. Our lives would be all the more dim with you gone from Ponyville—"

"Hey... hey..." On flapping wings, Rainbow drifted over. "None of that now, okay? I came here for some tea and chat, not for sap and salt." She rested a numb hoof on the mare's shoulder. "I'm super sorry for the sudden disappearing act. I guess you could say that I was... uhhh... grandfathered into an unexpected vacation." She swallowed a lump down her throat and belched out a smirk. "But I'm t-totally okay now! See?"

"Mmmm..." Fluttershy whimpered, but nevertheless bore a tearful smile. "You're always so tenacious, Rainbow Dash. I wish everypony had your kind of steadfastness."

"Yeah... well..." Rainbow Dash gently sighed. "Takes a licking and keeps on dashing."

"It'll all be okay. I-I'm sure." Fluttershy wiped her other cheek dry. "Big Mac will come around. He's slowly learning how to share his feelings. I'm sure it's just a phase."

"Yeah." Rainbow nodded. "The same can be said of Applejack and Stu. I mean... they've needed their space before." She shrugged. "Maybe this is another rough patch."

"It's courageous of you to say that," Fluttershy said. "But we both know that you're probably feeling positively ecstatic inside."

"Not... really, Fluttershy."

Fluttershy's eyes glistened. "Not really?"

"Applejack... deserves to be happy," Rainbow said. "Whether that's with Stu Leaves or not... it's not up to me to decide how she ends up happy." She gazed at the cottage window. "And... to be perfectly honest?" Her ears drooped. "I'm kinda done hoping for impossible stuff to happen."

"It's not impossible for you to be in love, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy said. "I just... think it would be healthy for you to move on." Her eyes narrowed. "Is that what's happening, do you think?"

Rainbow lingered numbly in place. "...one way or another, I have to move." Her ears pulled back. "Could be anywhere... nowhere... just... moving." Her jaw clenched. "Not sure I can even control it anymore. It's like gravity. It just... is what it is."

Fluttershy bit her lip.

Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. Her ears and wings perked up as she pivoted to face Fluttershy. "We all have a lot to think about. I'm sure Big Mac will come around. As for Applejack and Stu? They're adults. They'll reach whatever conclusion they deserve."

"And what about you, Rainbow Dash?" Fluttershy asked. "What conclusion do you deserve?"

Rainbow rubbed her numb hooves across the wooden floorboards. "Still working on the introduction," she muttered. "Heh..." A limp smirk. "The longest preface ever."

Fluttershy stared at her.

"Of course, I suck at reading. That crud is for eggheads." Rainbow Dash turned around. "Anyways, I got some flying to do—"

A soft pair of forelimbs enfolded her from behind, accompanied by warm yellow feathers.

Rainbow's petite frame froze in place. She glanced over her shoulder. "You and Big Mac are gonna be okay, Flutters. For realsies."

"I'm not worried about myself and Big Mack," Fluttershy said, nuzzling the back of Rainbow's head.

"Then... just don't be worried, 'kay?" Rainbow reached back to pat a forelimb. "Now, it's the middle of the day. I've got... things to do."

"Mmmmhmmm..." Fluttershy hugged her tighter.

Rainbow gulped. "Uhm..." She gulped. "...why aren't you letting me go?"

Fluttershy breathed, "Because I'm afraid of what will happen when I do."

With a sigh, Rainbow Dash turned around. She stared Fluttershy face-to-face. "Look at me. I'm fine. Okay?"

Fluttershy's eyes were moist. "But you're always 'fine,' Rainbow Dash. That's what I'm afraid of." She bit her lip. "Friends don't let each other settle for 'fine.'"

Rainbow gently grasped Fluttershy's hooves and broke the hug. She brushed Fluttershy's bangs aside and smirked devilishly. "I will never... ever 'settle.' I'm too awesome for that."

At long last, Fluttershy hung her head. "I know..."

Rainbow Dash contemplated saying something else. Instead, she turned around, flapped her wings, and left the cottage. She heard the faintest sound of a sobbing voice before the front door closed behind her.

Like a Million Bits

From a distance, Applejack looked happy.

Then again, Applejack looked like anything from a distance.

Rainbow Dash was finally starting to grasp that.

Still, it didn't stop the mare from perching on a distant treetop, gazing deadpan into the verdant green lengths of Sweet Apple Acres.

The farmfilly in question could be seen packing apples into the back of a wagon. She paused every now and then—if only to wipe the sweat from her brow. At one point, Big Macintosh crossed paths with her. The two exchanged glances... then a few words. A smile was shared, even a chuckle or two.

That—at last—was enough for Rainbow Dash to feel satiated. She watched the two siblings do menial work for a few more minutes...

...then at last she turned tail and flew east towards Ponyville.

Losing sight of the freckles didn't sting so much this time. Then again, it could very well have been the numbness.

Rainbow Dash stared at her reflection in the alicorn goblet. Her ears folded back. At one point, she reached her hoof towards the delicate handle of the container... but eventually retracted.

A sigh, and she turned around to face the dim lengths of her bedroom. The place was a disordinate mess, with blankets and clothes and other random items thrown across the room and furniture.

Such a fragile, precious abode... and all this time she had treated it like a landfill.

Fidgeting, the mare rubbed her numb hooves together... then eventually floated over to an endtable. There, a bag of bits rested—still wrapped in Las Pegasus burlap. She gave the satchel a little shake. Her ears tickled to the sound of jingling bits.

With a determined scowl, she tossed the satchel into a saddlebag and flung it over her flank.

The Everfree Forest opened up to Rainbow Dash as she descended sharply.

Her eyes peered into the dim underbrush. At last, she zeroed in on a lone hut in the middle of the woods.

However... just seconds before she could touch down...

...she lingered in mid-air.

She spotted two figures gardening on the outskirts. One striped and the other clad in a dark cloak. Zecora and Noir finished arranging a line of blue and green flowers. Rainbow instantly recognized the Poison Joke, and she could see that the arrangement of the plants allowed for a set of crops to grow outrageously large—extra ripe for the harvesting.

Zecora bore a proud smile. She looked at Noir, and the sarosian poked his head out of his hood just long enough to give her an amorous nuzzle. Indecipherable words echoed between them, followed by laughter. The two resumed their gardening as the sun waned on into afternoon shadow.

Rainbow lingered in place. She glanced back at her bulging saddlebag, then down at her numb hooves. The mare's nostrils flared... and she soon turned around... and drifted away.

The bell above a pawn shop's door opened.

The proprietor lifted his head up from behind the counter. He paused in polishing off a toaster and a blender, then walked towards the center of the store. "Greetings! Welcome to Ponyville Pawn! How can I help—" He paused, squinting. "...Rainbow Dash! Wow! The local speedster! Heheh..." He grinned. "Come to buy some flight goggles?"

"Sorry, no." Rainbow cleared her throat, floating towards him with her hooves above the ground. "I... uh... saw the sign posted out side. I hear that you're giving extra bits for furniture?"

"Heh. Yeah. The market's pretty slim right now." He raised an eyebrow. "You... got some stuff to sell?"

"You could say that. How much room do you have to store product?"

"Uh... it depends." The store owner rubbed the back of his head. "Just... how much furniture are we talking about?"

She looked at him dead-on. "A lot."

Extreme Championship Wandering

An hour later, Rainbow Dash flew out of the pawn shop, carrying a series of hastily scribbled notes. She tucked them away under a wing as she squinted into the afternoon light.

Less than ten paces down the street—and her ears were assaulted by an angry, nasal-voice.

"No... no... no!" A pale stallion in a blue suit pointed angrily at a bulletin board. "You've got it all crooked! What's more, I need the poster on the east side of the bulletin board!" Rainbow watched as the stranger tossed his pink mane and scowled to the heavens. "If the morning sun doesn't catch Brick's face just right, then nopony will even know he's coming to this goddess-forsaken town!"

"Uhm... sir?" One of two worker stallions fidgeted while attempting to slap up a bright blue poster of galloping ponies. "This board only faces south."

"Pfft! Then just make sure it's located front and center!" The stranger's nostrils flared. "Eugh... this air smells of hayseed! Has the Mayor finished that damned stage yet or not?"

"What stage?"

"What?! I... it... grkkkt... I put in an order for that months ago!"

"Uhhhh... we were just hired to put up this advertisement." The other worker shrugged. "You'll have to take it up with the Mayor herself, sir."

"Ugh! Fine. No doubt she's off sleeping inside a hayloft or some other agricultural rubbish pit."

Rainbow's brow furrowed. She wasn't looking where she was trotting, and her numb hooves tripped on a mud hole. "Guh!" She stumbled forward, utterly collapsing—

—until a pair of steady forelimbs caught her. "Lookie-lookie!" Pinkie Pie grinned. "I've got Dashie!"

"P-Pinkie Pie!" Rainbow Dash panted. She leaned back, teetering until she stood as evenly as her tingling limbs could afford. "I... uh..." She cleared her throat. "I was j-just seeing how... wet the rain had made the earth overnight!"

Pinkie giggle-snorted. "That's our Rainbow Dash! Always thinking ahead of the hurricane!"

"Errrrr... yeah..."

"Fancy meeting you here, Dashie!" Pinkie Pie grinned wide. "You enjoying the homely afternoon atmosphere!"

"Oh... totally..." Rainbow frowned over her shoulder at the contemptuous stallion. "It's really... snazzy."

"Hah! You always have a way with words!" Pinkie Pie hopped up and down. "Just like you do with winds!"

"Right..." Rainbow gulped, smiling nervously. "Good thing I only break one versus the other."

"Hmmmm... funny..." Pinkie Pie tapped her chin. "You haven't been around much lately, have you?"

"Er... well..." Rainbow gulped, avoiding the mare's eyes. "I... g-guess you could say that I've... been busy..."

"OH!" Pinkie gasped hard. "I know! You've gone off and eloped with a moose, haven't you?"

Rainbow's eyes derped. "Buh?"

"Heeeeeee! How was the honeymoon?" Pinkie batted her eyelashes. "No wonder you're trotting funny."

"Pinkie—"

"Are your kids gonna have antlers?"

"I promise you that I have not married a moose!"

"Awwwwww..." Pinkie pouted. "What a shame. They bake the best doughnuts, too."

"Pinkie, I..." Rainbow collapsed. She held a hoof over her forehead. She wheezed... and that wheezing turned into snickering. Soon enough, she was giggling squeakily, hugging herself to keep from falling over.

Pinkie blinked, then bore a proud smile. "Hah! I didn't even know I was making a funny! Go Pinkie!"

Rainbow was still a storm of giggles. She covered her eyes, hiding the tears. "Pinkie... for cr-crying out loud... you are always... always so you." A shuddering breath. Her chuckles subsided, but the tears remained. "Mmmff..." Rainbow rubbed her eyes, inhaling in random spurts. "I'm sorry..."

Pinkie blinked. "Sorry for what?"

"Just..." Rainbow found the composure to stare straight ahead, her eyelids blinking dry. "Not laughing more."

"Really?" Pinkie glanced off into the dimming horizon. "I hadn't noticed!"

"Yeah." Rainbow glanced down at the springy grass. All was green and lively. "I'm sorry for that too."

Silence.

"Y'know..." Pinkie grinned slyly. "...you look like you could use a drink."

Rainbow instantly winced. "I... don't think that's a good idea. I mean... the last time I had a drink... it didn't end up very well."

Pinkie arched an eyebrow. "Who doesn't want a Super Shebert Sundae Surprise?"

"Oh." Rainbow's ears tilted back. "That. Uhhhhh..."

"You wanna?" Pinkie twisted her head until she was grinning upside down. "Myyyy treaaaaaat..."

Rainbow's feathers flexed. She felt the crumple of multiple sheets of paper under her wing. "You know what...?" A tiny, tender smile. "That would be pretty awesome, Pinkie. Thanks."

"So is that a yes?"

"Totally."

"Woohoo!" Pinkie yanked Rainbow by the waist. "Come with!" Swooosh!

For Fuchsia's Sake

Clank! Pinkie dropped another plate of cookies onto the tabletop. "And then!" She sat in reverse on a chair, grinning slyly. "That's when she said: 'No, YOU have chicken mouth!'"

Rainbow paused in slurping from her sundae. She looked up across the colorful air of Sugarcube Corner. "Pinkie... are you ever gonna—like—explain that?"

Pinkie blinked. "Explain what?"

Rainbow sighed. "Never mind..."

"Couldn't get a laugh out of you, huh?" Pinkie shrugged. "I don't blame you. A good joke is all in the delivery. I guess it's best when Maud tells it."

"I'll... take your word on that, Pinkie," Rainbow said. Clearing her throat, she smiled and pointed at the sundae. "Thanks for the cool treat."

"Hehehe..." Pinkie smiled. "I believe that everypony deserves to pamper their taste buds from time to time." She winked. "I know it always puts me in a good mood!"

Rainbow swallowed another sip and looked up at Pinkie. "Pinkie... do you think I could be in a better mood?"

"Huh?" Pinkie cocked her head to the side. "Well... you've not exactly been around that much, Dashie."

Rainbow winced, glancing aside. "Yeahhhhh..."

Pinkie nevertheless smiled. "And I know that a pony is happiest when she's around her bestest of best friends! So... why not take every opportunity to show you how happy you make me and the rest of the girls?" She stuck her tongue out playfully. "Even if I don't see you often!"

"Heh..." Rainbow twirled the straw around in the half-empty container. "You really know how to make a pegasus feel special."

"That's because you totally are special, Dashie!" Pinkie smiled peacefully. "You do know that, right?"

Rainbow stared past her. Her ears drooped.

"Dashie...?"

"Pinkie, do..." Rainbow leaned back, shrinking a bit in her seat. "About Maud..."

"You wanna get a manecut like hers?"

"What? Pfft! No..." Rainbow helplessly chuckled.

"Good! Because it doesn't suit you!" Pinkie giggle-snorted. "Nothing about Maud suits Maud but Maud. That's why she's so... so... Maud!"

Rainbow breathed calmly. "You really love your sister, don't you?"

"Of course I do!" Pinkie hopped in her chair, causing the legs to rattle against the tile floor. "She's my favorite sister who's older than me but younger than Lime!"

"Right..." Rainbow slicked her bangs back. "And you like doing stuff for her... spending time for her..."

"Oh! Totally! Like... we're always making rock candy necklaces and giving each other going-away presents and coming-back presents and in-the-interim-of-coming-and-going-but-not-necessarily-lingering presents..."

"But... you live so far away from her," Rainbow Dash said. "Dredgemane is... super super far away. Isn't it?"

"Don't I know it!" Pinkie rocked back and forth, grinning stupidly. "This one time, I woke up and screamed out my top story bedroom window here at Sugarcube Corner! That very morning, I took a train to my home town, and when I got off the train in the evening... it was a good two hours before I even heard my own echo!"

"Pinkie..." Rainbow smirked with thin eyes. "Is that even friggin' possible."

"Well, maybe not. But you're right! I totally live far away from Maud and the rest of the Pinkie fam!" She rubbed her chin. "Wait, I don't like the sound of that. Oh! The Fuchsia Fam! Living on the Fuchsia Fam Farm!" She giggle-snorted again. "You see what I did there?"

Rainbow chuckled... chuckled some more... and was quiet. In a contemplative tone, she murmured: "So... you can still totally take care of the ones you love from a distance."

"Well... yeah! I mean... why not?" Pinkie smiled. "We're sisters. More than that... we're like best friends since birth!" She winked. "And best friends can't let distance get the better of them. In fact... it makes the times we hug and nuzzle all the sweeter!"

Rainbow stared out the window. Night had fallen, erasing the Ponyville skyline like a blank slate. Dark and beautiful.

"Dashie?" Pinkie leaned forward, nearly tipping the chair over. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah..." Rainbow took another sip of the sundae. "I think it will be."

Pinkie stared. After a round of silence, she closed her eyes with a happy smile. "Okie dokie lokie!"

"Mmmmm..." Rainbow raised the straw with a grateful smirk. "It's really sweet, Pinkster. Thanks."

"Anytime you need a pick-me-up... you know where I'll be!" Pinkie teetered again—until the chair fell over. "Whoah!" Thwump! Silence. "Pick-me-up!" she sputtered from the floor.

Beginner's Dust

"Really, Rainbow Dash. You don't have to!" Twilight Sparkle said. With glowing magic, she easily slid a dresser across the upstairs room of the Golden Oaks library, settling it evenly against the far wall. "I have advanced levels of magical telekinesis! I can set up my bedroom on my own!"

"We're... friends now... Twilight!" Rainbow hissed and grunted, using full physical force to shove the framework of a bed across the room. "Grfff... mrmmfff... guh..." At last, after much sweat and toil, she was able to position the furniture in place. "Friends don't leave each other hanging!"

"It's super sweet of you, but it's not necessary! Honest!" Twilight nevertheless giggled, levitating a bag of belongings and placing them on the bedframe. "I know that you're the Element of Loyalty and all—"

"Screw that."

Twilight did a double-take. "I beg your pardon?"

"I'm doing it just because it's the right thing to do." Rainbow swiped her brow and shrugged. "Magical gemstones and stuff are snazzy and all, but I don't need some Element to be loyal, girl!"

"Heh... well... I guess it's just ironic then," Twilight said, rolling her eyes with a smile. "I'll return the favor to you somehow. I promise."

"Hey. Don't mention it." Rainbow's muzzle scrunched as she gazed around the dusty confines of the place. "Almost wish I could talk you out of it."

"Talk me... out of moving to Ponyville?" Twilight looked nervous. "But Princess Celestia gave me the opportunity—"

"No no no no. Yeesh, Twilight. I meant this friggin' dusty-flank library." Rainbow Dash kicked at a pile of loose wood chippings in the corner. "Trees are meant for growing fruit and seeds and stuff. But living in?"

"I find it rather exciting, actually!" Twilight grinned as she trotted across the room to gather more things. "Ever since I was a little filly, I wanted a treehouse of my own to live in and... read books to the natural sunlight! Or with the smell of a fresh rainstorm still tingling in the air... heeee..."

"I bet I could help with the raincloud part."

"I was just being facetious, Rainbow. In truth, it was always a pie-in-the-sky dream. Canterlot... isn't known for its rampant forests."

Rainbow shook her head. "No, I bet not."

"All in all, it's the change that excites me. But... I'm also nervous." Twilight Sparkle lingered by a window, gazing out into the sunlit vistas of Ponyville. "I haven't lived this far from home... ever."

"Eh..." Rainbow waved a hoof. "You'll get used to it. And—if worse comes to worse—you'll have us gals to help you feel at home!"

"Well, that's good to know." Twilight smiled warmly. "I think the reason I brought so much stuff with me is because I wanna feel like I've got a tiny bit of Canterlot to come home to."

"I know the feeling."

"You do?"

"Yeah." Rainbow nodded. "I moved in from the big city too."

"You came from Canterlot?"

"Pfft! Do I look like I came from Canterlot?"

"Lemme guess." Twilight smirked. "Cloudsdale."

"Born and raised!" Rainbow Dash stretched her wings proudly. "I could fly before I knew how to trot. You kinda have to in a city that awesome."

"It makes sense, now that I think about it."

"Huh?"

"You're not a pony to be constrained by anything, Rainbow Dash," Twilight said. "Cloudsdale is the only kind of city I can think of that could possibly contain your awesomeness."

"Heh..." Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head. "That's one way of putting it."

"Almost makes me wonder why you even came to Ponyville," Twilight said, trotting past Rainbow Dash's dead father.

His head turned to face the pegasus. "Will you bring me where you're going next?" he calmly asked.

Tingly

Rainbow Dash woke up, gasping.

The tingle in her limbs had spread to her neck in a rush, and she felt every warm droplet of sweat trickling down her body.

Dull gray light wafted in through the windows, signifying a sleepy morning.

Rainbow Dash trembled. She brushed her hooves over her face and muzzle, sighing.

Silence.

Using her wings for leverage, she propped herself up, standing amidst haphazardly arranged furniture in the foyer. Her dull ruby eyes lingered on the material. She reached out and—with half-hearted effort—attempted moving an empty dresser.

She couldn't get it to budge an inch.

The mare glanced at her hooves once again. If her eyes were shut, she'd have almost no idea that they were lingering in front of her.

Rainbow's ears folded back as she pivoted about and glided towards the bedroom.

After a bit of fumbling, Rainbow Dash managed to slip on a saddlebag. Using her teeth, she grabbed her satchel of Las Pegasus bits and slid them into a side-pocket.

She was about to leave—when she caught a flicker of blue coat hairs. She lingered in place, squinting ahead.

The alicorn goblet lingered on the edge of the last dresser left in her room. It reflected Rainbow's lethargic face until she was tired of looking at it.

Clearing a lump in her throat, Rainbow finally wrenched her eyes from the object...

...and left the house, gliding towards Everfree Forest.

So-and-So is Sweet and Kind

All over Ponyville, Rainbow saw more and more posters. They were brightly-lit, with illustrations of ponies in mid-gallop. From such a great height, Rainbow Dash had to squint, but she was certain she could make out the words: "Equestria Marathon."

The mare's eyes narrowed. She pursed her lips in thought while her mind ran circles in an attempt to recall the last time she had heard of such a thing.

Soon enough, she was distracted. At the sound of laughter, Rainbow Dash looked to her right.

She was passing Sugarcube Corner. Sitting on the fringes were Sharp Quill, Blossomforth... and Stu Leaves.

Rainbow slowed slightly in her glide. She fixated her gaze on the trio of familiar pegasi.

Sharp Quill and Blossomforth were saying something to one another. At one point, Sharp Quill waggled his eyebrows and nudged Stu in the side. While Blossomforth giggled, Rainbow saw Stu Leaves exhale... then bear a warm smile. He said something to his friends, and all three laughed merrily. Stu's wings even outstretched—fluttering at one point.

Rainbow Dash sighed. She wasn't sure why, but seeing Stu smile brought a certain... peace inside of her. If nothing else, it dissolved the lump that had been threatening to rematerialize in the back of her throat.

Looking forward, the mare flapped her wings with greater resolve. She saw the verdant green canopy of Everfree Forest in the distance. However—much closer—her eyes settled on another green sight: Golden Oaks Library.

The burst of energy from having seen the pegasi in happy conversation hadn't faded. Rainbow clenched her jaws. With sudden resolve, she angled her wings... and glided towards the front doorstep of the central Ponyville treehouse.

She landed soon on the dewy grass... or so her eyes had to tell her. There was next to no feeling in her fetlocks. The mare shook off the sensation—or lack thereof—and proceeded to lift her numb hoof towards the door.

But just as she was about to knock...

...the door opened and a fuschia mare stepped out. Her eyes widened as she flinched. "Oh! Dearie me!"

Rainbow flinched as well. "Uhhh... Miss Cheerilee!" She cleared her throat, drawing her hoof back. "My bad. I didn't mean to startle you."

"That's... quite alright, Miss Dash!" Cheerilee smiled crookedly. "Ahem..." She stepped out backwards, closing the door behind her. "Nice seeing you this bright and early!"

"No school today?"

"It's a Saturday, Miss Dash."

"... ... ...it is?"

Cheerilee finished locking the front door. She turned around with a smile. "You... uhhh... here on an errand for Miss Sparkle?"

"Errand?" Rainbow blinked. "Actually, I was curious if she was... y'know... at home." She craned her neck. "Why are you locking the place up?"

"Don't you know?" Cheerilee squinted. "Twilight is making a two week long visit to Canterlot."

Rainbow's eyes twitched. "Oh." She nodded. "Right." She nodded again. "She's totally doing that."

"Her and Spike and... erm... the talented Miss Lulamoon are performing a research project with Her Royal Highness, Princess Celestia." Cheerilee giggled, blushing slightly. "Oh... I envy them sometimes. Well... Spike and Twilight, I mean. I'm not so certain about Miss Lulamoon. At least, not yet."

"I don't blame you," Rainbow droned. "So... what does the egghead have you doing here?"

"Huh?" Cheerilee took a second and a half to get that. "Oh! Heheh... uhhhh... well, while Twilight is away, she needs somepony to look after her owl."

"Her owl?"

"You know... her avian research assistant?"

"Oh yeah..." Rainbow nodded. "Pets. My friends have those."

"It's not all that hard work. Plus... heehee..." Cheerilee's dimples glistened. "I get free access to a bounty of Equestrian literature! I've already prepared a most exciting research project for the schoolfoals once Monday rolls around"!

"Wow..." Rainbow smiled thinly. "Won't they be jazzed."

"Is everything okay with you, Miss Dash?"

Rainbow's smile faded. "Huh?"

"Oh! I... d-didn't mean to pry..." Cheerilee smiled nervously, fiddling with the blades of grass below them. "I just... well... I'm super glad to be doing this favor for Princess Celestia's prized pupil, but... Twilight mentioned that she had originally planned to ask you to look after her pet owl while she was gone. But... apparently you were... unavailable at the time."

Rainbow's jaws clenched.

"N-not that anything's wrong with that!" Cheerilee blurted. "Busy ponies are busy ponies, and all. But... from the way Twilight made it sound, she appeared... a teensy bit concerned. I... uh..." She smiled sheepishly. "I don't suppose there's a message you wanna give Twilight for when she gets back? I... I'm sure she would understand."

"Oh... heh... yeah... uhm..." Rainbow rubbed the back of her neck. "Don't fret or nothing. If there's anything that Twilight needs to know..." She gazed dead ahead. "...I'll be the one to tell her."

Silence.

Eventually, Cheerilee nodded. "Well, alright!" Another nervous smile. "Uhm... best of luck in all of your endeavors, Miss Dash?"

"Hey. Back at ya." Rainbow took off, gliding towards the Everfree Forest once again with her saddlebag in tow. "Try not to suplex the kids too hard into the time-out corner."

It took ten seconds for Cheerilee to register the joke, and another five for her laughter to catch up with Rainbow's speeding figure.

When Noirry Met Zechhy

"I must admit, your absence gave me a sliver of hope." Zecora trotted back and forth across her hut, carrying various medicinal ingredients. "With the ailment, I figured, your body had learned to cope."

The zebra smiled as she poured the material into her pot, preparing a fresh brew.

"But, perhaps, your senses are merely acclimating. Maybe it's all a matter of proper pacing." A pause. "In spreading out your doses, I mean. After all, you're not a machine."

Silence.

The zebra's striped brow furrowed. She turned and looked over her shoulder. "Rainbow Dash... my loyal friend?"

Rainbow slowly snapped out of it. She tilted her head up, gazing across the hut at the shaman. "Hmmm?"

"Is it... more than your body that is on the mend?" Zecora asked.

"Oh... I'm... getting better! Totally!" Rainbow smiled nervously.

Zecora's eyes narrowed. "That is not the question that I asked. Be honest with me—or must I resort to sass?"

"Heh... no need for the sassy zebra girl schtick with me, Zecchy," Rainbow said. "I just... uhm..." She gulped. "Came back from vacation. Lots of doing nothing... followed by doing everything. Eheh... you know how it is."

"No." Zecora shook her head. "I do not."

Rainbow bit her lip.

"Alas, my brew should hit the spot." Zecora turned to the pot and began to stir a ladel with her hooves. "Your job, your hobbies, and all that... you should soon be able to do in ten seconds flat." The zebra bray-giggled, smirking from earring to earring. "Surely, you get the joke!"

"Oh yeah..." Rainbow winced when she wasn't looking. "I get it... alright. Pretty funny, Zecora."

"Echhh..." Zecora frowned at herself as she stirred harder. "Egg white without the yolk." A sigh. "I suspect Noir is rubbing off on me. I get all of the serious... and none of the funny."

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "Depends on who's doing the rubbing."

Zecora nearly fell into the pot.

"But hey... you guys get your laughter in." Rainbow said with a shrug. "So it's all good."

Zecora glanced over her shoulder. "Is that a fact?" It was her turn to waggle an eyebrow. "And precisely how would you know that?"

The only thing tingling in Rainbow Dash's body was her spine—and it wasn't a pleasant sensation. "D'uhhhhhhhhhhm...."

The door opened and Noir walked in.

"Mrmmmfff..." The cloaked sarosian carried a wad of dirty roots in his muzzle. He spat the items out into a tray and wiped the soil from his lips. "There you go, Zeeks. Took me three hours, but I managed to fine ten shoots of crystal briar."

"Ahem..." Zecora swished her tail in Rainbow's direction.

"Hmmm?" Noir lowered his hood... and it was only then that his slitted eyes registered Rainbow Dash's presence. His velvet coat took on a rosy hue. "Erm..."

"'Zeeks'?" Rainbow Dash grinned devilishly.

"It's... erm... well..." Noir fidgeted. "I suppose you could say a term of endearm—"

"Nopony else is allowed to call me such," Zecora spoke in a nearly growling tone. Her ears drooped, and she apologetically exhaled: "I would appreciate your confidence very much."

"Heh... the secret's safe with me." Rainbow folded her numb forelimbs with a smirk. She glanced over at the stallion. "So... what's your bedroom name? 'Count Hunkula?'"

"Ahem..." Noir stood straight and tall. "Rainbow Dash. I can see that you're still requiring medicinal assistance."

"And I can see that you can't see for crud when you're next to the zebra you've got the hots for."

Zecora laughed merrily.

Noir glared her way. "Do you find this amusing?"

"Hrmmm—heheheh..." Zecora brushed a hoof over her mohawk. "And you do not?" She winked. "Dearest Noir, either live a little or live a lot."

Noir sighed. He gazed calmly at Rainbow Dash. "In all seriousness, I do hope you are getting better."

Rainbow ignored the numbness. "In all seriousness, I'm glad you give a flying feather, dude."

"I don't suppose..." Noir's eyes narrowed. "...that you have had any run-ins with you-know-who?"

Zecora glanced at the two in mid-stir.

Rainbow exhaled. "No. Can't say that I have." She gulped. "Unfortunately."

"I see." Noir nodded. "Then perhaps he's stayed true to his word."

"I wasn't worried about anything after I saw him last." Rainbow fidgeted. "Well... you know what I mean."

"I know enough," Noir said. "And thanks to you, the shards are in safe-keeping."

"Does... uhm..." Rainbow glanced at Zecora. "...Zecchy know about—?"

"I know the name of the home that Noir roosted in as a foal," Zecora boldly said. "There is very little by now that we haven't shared—both in mind and in soul."

Rainbow gulped. "Oh..."

"But worry not, dear friend," Zecora added with a smile. "Your secrets are safe with us in the end. And—might I add—my respect for you has increased tenfold." She bowed her head slightly. "In both the light and shadow, you have lived courageously and bold."

"It's... not as heroic as I'm sure Noir has made it sound," Rainbow said sheepishly.

"Don't worry," Noir droned. "I filled her in on every foolish mistake and risk you've taken in harboring a miniaturized chaos lord."

Rainbow glared. "Jee. Thanks."

"And in your own unique way, you've allowed Equestria to exist another day." Zecora winked. "Our beloved Rainbow may not be graceful, and yet you give us more and more reasons to be ever faithful."

"Yeesh..." Rainbow hugged herself. "I came here for a pick-me-up, not an inflate-me-up."

"Hmmmm..." With a subtle smirk, Noir turned towards Zecora. "Do you need any special ingredients from the shed for Rainbow's brew?"

Zecora nodded. "The key is by the door. Just one jar of enchanted seeds—nothing more."

Rainbow squinted. "You have a shed?"

"Very well." Noir leaned in to nuzzle her. "Your friendship—as always—inspires me." He trotted off.

"Say... uh..." Rainbow Dash lifted up. "Noiry-kun. Could I... have a moment? To chat?"

Noir and Zecora both paused to glance at him.

"It's about... y'know... saving-the-world stuff."

Noir eventually nodded, gesturing out the door. "By all means."

The two glided out together. Zecora paused in stirring, glancing worriedly at Rainbow's limbs. Then, with a quiet sigh, she returned to her concoction.

The Conversation In the Shed

"So..." Rainbow Dash smirked. "Zecora does have a shed."

"Mrmmmf..." Noir fussed with the door. The latch made a loud clakking sound as it eventually opened. "She does now."

"How come I've never seen it before?" Rainbow asked.

"Because I built it." Noir opened the door to a tiny interior lined with shelves full of jars and bottles and satchels of alchemic ingredients. "Just a month ago."

Rainbow cocked her head aside. "Wow... you two are serious, aren't you?"

Noir sighed, turning around to give Rainbow a bland stare. "Zecora is more than capable of grasping simple—even advanced architecture. However, being a mare who hails from the Zebrahara, her experience with carpentry is... limited." He cleared his throat, gesturing with a hairy fetlock. "It was... the decent thing to do, on my part."

"Right." Rainbow smiled. "I'm sure Zeeks is pleased."

"Mrmmmff..." Noir turned and trotted into the dark interior. "There are not many things in life that are precious to me. Zecora... is the brightest star that my existence has afforded. Assisting her around the confines of her Everfree Habitat is the least I can do to honor such a graceful creature."

"Yowsers..." Rainbow fanned herself. "You should totally say that to her, dude."

"I... am attempting to come up with an abridged version, yes."

"Well get right on it." Rainbow smirked. "It'd be wicked cool to see a bunch of striped bat ponies flying around."

Noir navigated another groan before muttering: "There was something you desired to share with me?"

"Well... more like something I... uh... wanted to ask of you." Rainbow stepped in close. She spoke in a quiet voice that barely echoed off the narrow walls of the shed. "Are you... like... still with the Moonbase Alpha ponies?"

"Lunar Code," Noir corrected.

"R-right. I knew that."

"And I'm somewhat confused by the inquisition." Noir turned, his slitted eyes glimmering like a wolf's in the dark. "Why would the Lunar Code not be giving their all to defend the security of Princess Luna and Equestria at large?"

"Ah! So you're still totally a thing. Cool beans." Rainbow brushed her bangs back with a nervous smile. "So much crazy crap over the past year... I-I sorta forgot if Don Canter did a number on the bulk of you or not..."

"He dealt a nasty blow to members of the Order, yes, but we are far from extinct." Noir fiddled through several jars, looking for the enchanted dust. "Thanks to you—indirectly or not—we no longer have to fear the likes of him."

"That's cool, I guess..."

"It is far more than 'cool.' Already, our agents along the eastern coastline have observed a significant drop in organized crime throughout the island of Manehattan. It's... almost revolutionary, Miss Dash."

"Yeah, well, you might wanna swing by Las Pegasus in the near future."

"Huh?"

Rainbow winced. "Erm... a conversation for another time. Ahem." She rubbed her tingling forelimbs. "So... I was wondering..."

"Yes...?" Noir searched through more and more ingredients.

"... ... ...any other jobs that the Lunar Code might need an awesome pegasus for?"

Noir turned to look at her.

Rainbow looked back, biting her lip.

"When you use the world 'job' in its pluralized form..." Noir raised an eyebrow. "...do you mean to suggest that there are positions within the Lunar Code that rewards loyalty with monetary commission?"

"Right..." Rainbow nodded. "...a job."

"Miss Dash, I'm afraid you misunderstand the purpose of the Order that Princess Luna set in motions ages ago." Noir exhaled. "We give our very livelihood to the protection of Equestrian interests. It is... not something that we do to get rich from. Or famous, I might add."

"Er... yeah. Totally." Rainbow rubbed the back of her neck again. "I sorta figured that..."

"However..." Noir nodded into the shadowed corners of the structure. "...we have many resources at our disposal. And—considering the fact that it takes a veritable lifetime to commit whole-heartedly to the Lunar Code—the call of duty is more than enough to sustain a humble soul, so long as they are committed to the service."

"So... in a sense... it does pay?"

"It sustains, Rainbow Dash," Noir clarified. "Either you live by the Lunar Code or you live for yourself."

"Do... you still live by it?" Rainbow winced slightly at her own words. "I-I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean... it sorta seems like you've... uh... settled with Zecora here." She cleared her throat. "In the Everfree Forest."

"In a manner of speaking, I suppose you could say that," Noir remarked. "However, I have been on active duty three times since I recovered from my injuries."

Rainbow blinked. "You have?"

"Indeed." Noir nodded. "My brothers and sisters in the field are doing more work than me, admittedly. But that's because the nature of my contributions have... become more moderate as of late. It's only a natural stage of having so many veteran years in the service."

"Ah... I get it..." Rainbow managed a slight smirk. "Bat pony retirement and all that."

"Not the choice of words I would use, but ever so slightly analogous—yes."

"Well, that's cool for you." Rainbow exhaled. Both her words and her thoughts trailed off. She stared into negative space.

Noir glanced curiously at her. "Do you... seriously wish to work for the Lunar Code?"

"You... think it would give me something to do?" Rainbow's voice wavered a bit. "Keep me fed?"

Noir nodded. "Most assuredly. And—if your brave actions don't already speak for themselves—I can most definitely assist you in landing an active position. One that is best suited to your... fearless bravado."

"Heh..." Rainbow exhaled with a slight shudder. "Sounds nifty."

"However, Rainbow Dash, it is only fair to warn you." Noir's eyes hardened. "You will be considered a novice at best in the eyes of my peers. You would have many trials to overcome... many tests to prove yourself worthy."

"Right. Sure. I get it."

"And..." Noir tilted his chin back. "...you would not have the same luxury of choosing your base of operations. Not like I currently do. You will most likely be situated in the furthest parts of Equestria and the world at large—many locations that are considered inhospitable."

"In other words..." Rainbow spoke. "...I would have to kiss Ponyville good-bye."

"Indeed, Miss Dash." Noir gravely nodded.

Rainbow took a deep breath... frowning, almost. "So... where do I sign up?"

Noir blinked.

Noir Chance, 'Cuz That's What You Got

Rainbow sipped... sipped... and sipped some more.

At last, when she had consumed an entire cup of the broth, she leaned back on the bench she was sitting on and exhaled. A few breaths later, and the tingling in her extremities diminished. She looked up with a tender smile and nodded.

Zecora grinned. "You are feeling better, I trust?"

"Yeah, girl." Rainbow nodded, swiveling the cup around in her grasp. "Hits the spot, as always. You're a life saver."

"Hmmmm..." Zecora turned to her still-smoldering pot with a smile. "Then brew more, I must." She stirred with the ladel. "I shall prepare you a hefty supply. That way, your limbs will comply."

"I wouldn't expect any less," Rainbow Dash said with a soft sigh.

While Zecora resumed brewing, Rainbow leaned back on her seat. The mare became increasingly aware of a shifty shadow to her right. She glanced over to see Noir sitting on a stool beside her. The stallion looked more than a little bit anxious.

"What's the matter, Noir?" Rainbow asked quietly. She tilted the cup so she got a few remaining drops down her guzzle. "Run out of buildingsides to glide down?"

Noir's leafy ears twitched, one after the other. "If you must know, I've been consumed by thinking..."

"Hey... between you and me..." Rainbow leaned in, whispering as she winked towards Zecora. "...I'm pretty sure her stripes go all the way down. Crouch low and you can find out on your own—"

"That is not the nature of my mulling." Noir frowned, fangs showing. "And I would prefer it that you don't malign Zecora with such words."

Rainbow produced a squeaky giggle. "Malign Zecora? Dude... you've got a lot to learn about being sassy—"

"Miss Dash..." Noir sighed, staring directly at her. "I am... troubled by the decision that you are planning."

Rainbow blinked. With a sigh, she gazed into her empty cup. "Why so freaked out, tough guy? I mean... you know what I can do in the field. I saved your friggin' life. You of all sarosians should know that I'd be of major service to the Lunar Code."

"Miss Dash..."

"I can even work in the daytime. That'd be—like—opening a whole new chapter in lunar butt-kicking."

"I have no doubt of your talents and exceptionalism," Noir said. "It's the rest of Equestria that I am concerned about."

"Buh?"

"You are no mere pegasus," Noir said. "You are an Element of Harmony."

"Oh boy..." Rainbow rolled her eyes, murmuring: "Here we go."

"While your heroism is unquestionable, you are—perhaps unofficially—already committed to national security."

"Dude... look..." Rainbow tiredly smirked at Noir. "My gal-pals and I inherited these Elements, right? But we've only ever used them—like—once. Nightmare Moon showed up and we friendblasted the ever-malevolent stink right off her. That was it. Done. And there's not been a need for the Elements of Harmony ever since. What? Were we expected to shoot rainbow lasers at some random, mindless baddie every season? Pffft... come on..."

"What you did for Princess Luna is utterly priceless," Noir said. "Equestria would be in a state of darkness if it weren't for your intervention."

"All the more reason for me to be part of an organization that protects Luna all the friggin' time!" Rainbow whispered back, side-glancing at Zecora. "Don'tcha think, buddy?"

"A valid point. But being part of the Lunar Code necessitates that you are constantly on the move... situating yourself in far-off locations..."

"Yeah... so...?"

Noir sighed again. "The point I am attempting to make, Miss Dash, is that the Element of Loyalty remains your chief and most exceptional gift, and it is only strong when you are in the presence—or proximity—of the other Element Bearers. I... fear that separating you from them will only endanger the chance of eliminating future threats to Equestrian Harmony."

"So... in other words... to be a hero of Equestria, I've gotta be a prisoner," Rainbow grumbled.

Noir shook his head. "I did not say that."

"Look. If I wanna be an Element Bearer, then I gotta be a healthy pony first." Rainbow swallowed a lump down her throat as she slowly shook her head. "That ain't happening so long as I stick around here."

Noir glanced at the empty cup in Rainbow's grasp, then back at her face. "You are certain of that?"

"Look... even if I gotta reunite with the other Element bearers... the Lunar Code has gateways leading to 'New Saria' or whatever, right?"

"New Saros."

"Bingo. So—if worse comes to worst—you guys can just fart me back to Ponyville and I'll fit right back into my day job." Rainbow shrugged. "I can handle it. The girls can handle it. And—best of all..." Rainbow cleared her throat. "I don't lose my friggin' sanity."

Noir raised an eyebrow.

Rainbow merely nodded. "There are times when a girl's just gotta... jet, y'know?"

"No, Miss Rainbow Dash. I do not know," Noir said. "In fact, there are many facets of your life that leave me ignorant." He sat up straight in his seat. "Nevertheless, it must be said... that not all solutions involve a rapid, lonesome flight."

Rainbow opened her muzzle... but sat in silence.

Noir stared at her.

Rainbow inhaled, then muttered: "It's not running away. It's... an extended vacation." She gulped. "From myself." She gazed lethargically across the room. "My friends don't understand... and that's my own friggin' fault." She bit her lip. "I could waste a lot of time trying to undo all of that... but in all that time, I could be doing a lot of good for the world instead... and for myself."

Noir blinked.

"I'm just ready to move on, that's all," Rainbow remarked, shaking her head. "Something's just gotta... change. No more excuses. No more pretense. Just... move."

Noir finally commented: "You speak like someone who's had an opportunity to move before, but didn't."

"Heheh... yeah... well..." Rainbow smiled bitterly. "The option to pounce somepony is gone now. So..." Her ears drooped as she nevertheless said: "A flight it is..."

The Wages of Sven

Rainbow Dash flew low over the rooftops of Ponyville. She had several jugs of medicinal brew stuffed away in her saddlebags. The weight put a slight strain on her wings, but—being as they were the strongest limbs in her body—she made it work.

Along the low glide, Rainbow took the opportunity to gaze at every gold-thatched building within sight. The tiny town looked remarkably large up close—she realized. Her eyes caught glances of window decorations and colored signs and flower beds as if it was the first time she ever saw them. Perhaps, in many ways, they were.

She started contemplating—for the first time ever—that it might be one of the last times she saw any of these details up close.

A soft sigh escaped her lips, but it wasn't entirely lethargic. That and that alone carried her further.

She enjoyed an unimpeded flight across the heart of downtown—until she heard a screeching, nasally voice:

"Mayor Mare! This is unacceptable! That stage should have been finished days ago!"

"We're working as fast as we can, Mr. Svengallop," the Mayor's voice stammered. "And forgive me for being forward, but the scheduled date of completion is Wednesday."

Rainbow glanced behind her.

The Mayor stumbled out of City Hall, flanked by a stallion in a blue suit. Posters advertising the upcoming Marathon marked every support beam—plus the bulletin board.

"And this Marathon is a charity event involving hundreds of ponies," the Mayor continued. "I know you're representing a popular celebrity, but this entire event is super important for Ponyville. It goes beyond the athletic feats of Brash Lesbos."

"Brick Lesneigh!" the stallion squealed, tilting his nose up. "And he's more than a celebrity! He's a living legend! Ten marathons over the past three years, and he's come in first place for each and every one of them!" Fluffing his pink mane, the stallion spat: "Becoming his agent is only the most monumental task any businesstallion can perform. Hrmmmff... certainly makes that sniveling, bleeding heart Countess Coloratura look like a Goddess-forsaken tadpole."

The Mayor squinted. "...who?"

"Never you mind! The long and short of it—my Brick Lesneigh is the only pony in all of Equestria that can put Ponyville on the map. And if you want him to donate even a smidgen of the first place prize money to this town—and he will win—then you'd better play your cards right!"

After a prolonged sigh, the Mayor nodded. "Whatever you say, Mr. Svengallop."

"So will you get that stage in the City Park finished?"

"Yes, Mr. Svengallop."

"Good! Meanwhile, I'll continue working on the Marathon's opening speech." The stallion snorted as he gazed across the open courtyard. "I'll do my best to be complimentary and... leave out some of this farmhole's outrageously rustic qualities..."

Rainbow's muzzle scrunched. She looked forward—and nearly flew into a lamppost. "Guh!" Jerking to the side, she twirled about and ended upright. Miraculously, the jugs of medicine didn't fly out of her bag. "Whew... keep it together, girl."

"Keep it t-together, girl," she heard faintly from down below.

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. At first, she thought she had heard an echo. However, upon glancing down, she saw a tender young stallion fussing with a wagon full of turnips and carrots. With a smile, Rainbow glided down and joined the pony's side.

"Hey there, Caramel!" She put on a thick smile. "Need a helping hoof?"

"Grnnngh..." Caramel struggled with a loose crate of produce. Sweating, he swept his bangs back and squinted aside. Upon seeing Rainbow Dash, he managed a thin grin. "Oh... Rainbow... h-hey..." He waved a tired hoof. "I... I'm good..."

"You... sure about that?" Rainbow's eyes narrowed.

"Just... I'm all elbows today." Caramel gulped, finally managing to set several stacked crates straight. "I can handle the work load... eventually. Just... not that used to transporting so many vegetables at once."

"Why not carry them in smaller bunches, then?" Rainbow shrugged. "You're quick on your hooves. Maybe you'd get these transported to the market faster."

"It's not that simple," Caramel said. "I'm transporting three times as much as usual for the entire day. Basically... it's two ponies' worth of work."

"Uhm... why?" Rainbow asked.

"Simple..." Caramel stumbled about, hitching himself back onto the riggings of the cart. "I need more bits." He strained, pulling the wagon slowly forward. "Mrmmff... more bits in less time."

Rainbow nodded. "Is this your plan for working towards that operation?"

"Mrmmmf... it's a st-start!" Caramel wheezed.

"Not too quick of a start, I hope." Rainbow craned her neck. "Take this as a compliment... but you're pretty dainty, girl. You really wanna become a tank by the time you can afford the operation? I mean... nothing wrong with being a muscular mare." She briefly fanned herself. "In fact... there's a whole lot of right with being a muscular mare... but... eheh... it never seemed your style..."

"I'll... t-take... what I c-can get...!" Caramel hissed through his teeth, pulling the wagon. All of the sudden, he made brisk progress. The wheels glided over soft earth. Curious, he glanced over his shoulder. "...Rainbow Dash?"

Rainbow was fluttering a few feet above the ground. Flapping her wings heavily, she pushed against the rear of the cart, giving Caramel extra strength and speed. "Keep going! You're the one steering!"

"Rainbow, you don't have to help me with all of this!"

"Sure I do!" Rainbow managed a sweaty smirk. "Just giving you a boost, girl. Don't worry..." She winked. "I ain't gonna grab from your bit pile."

Caramel blinked. A soft smile, and he pulled the wagon towards his destination with Rainbow's help. "Well, if you insist..."

"Who in Tartarus wants so many turnips?"

"Hah! I know, right?"

Both chuckled into the sunny air.

Referral Girls

Caramel grunted as he dropped the last box of delivered produce behind a market in central Ponyville. He leaned back, swiping his brow. "Well... that's a nice change."

Rainbow sat on the side of the wagon, dangling her lower legs. "Have you been delivering these many crates full of vegetables all week?"

"I... uh..." Caramel gulped. "...kinda?"

"Who's paying you?"

"Y'know... local families." Caramel coughed. "Distant relations." A sigh—and his ears drooped. "Certainly not my mom and dad."

"How many are you getting a day for this work?" Rainbow craned her neck to the side. "If you don't mind me asking."

"Uh..." Caramel fussed with his disheveled bangs, frowning at the smell of his own sweat. "About... f-fifty bits per day."

Rainbow nearly fell off the wagon. "Fifty?!"

"Please..." Caramel grimaced. "...don't bite my head off too hard."

"Girl, any self-respecting pony would ask for one hundred bits per day alone!" Rainbow gestured. "And this is harder work than most transports!"

"Look... I'll take whatever I can get at this point."

"Or maybe you'll just take whatever you're used to."

"Huh?"

Rainbow gestured. "All of this stuff is helping out your local farm ponies... which is pretty cool and all. Nice of you, no doubt. But there's a time when you gotta put you ahead of others... especially now that Canterlot's medical offices have given you the proverbial shaft."

"But... I-I don't know of any delivery services that are hiring earth ponies for simple deliveries." Caramel sighed. "If someone out there was paying more... I'd be all for it."

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. "Banner Company."

"Huh?"

"They've... got an open position," Rainbow Dash said. "I happen to know that for a fact."

Caramel cocked his head to the side. "I thought they only hired pegasi."

"For long distance deliveries, sure. But they're overflowing with pegasi," she said. "I'm willing to bet that they'd be game to hire a local pony who knows the town and the farms both inside and out."

"I... dunno, Rainbow..."

"Pfft! Only 'cuz you don't get the exposure, girl!" Rainbow winked. "I happen to know the guy who manages the local warehouse. I'll put in a good word for you."

"You..." Caramel's tail flicked with a spark of hope. "...you really think they'll hire somepony like me?"

"So long as you don't mind wearing a horribly yellow apron."

"How... garish is it?"

"It's like you're wearing hydra puke," Rainbow said, winking. "Laced with diamond dog turds."

Caramel giggled. "Still... better than sweating over a gazillion boxes of turnips."

"Think of it this way..." Rainbow Dash touched down and rested a hoof on Caramel's shoulder. "When the time comes that you have the bits to meet Canterlot's bill... you can have a fashion holiday... was all the vomit away."

"I could have a fashion holiday now, Rainbow Dash," Caramel calmly said. "It's... all about the first layer."

"Yeah..." Rainbow nodded. "I hear you."

Caramel sighed. He stared off. "These... last few days after Las Pegasus have been super lonely." He gulped. "Vinyl has an album to work on. Lyra and Bon Bon are... off doing things."

"Heh... no doubt."

"It's... good to know that ponies care for what I'm struggling with." He sniffled slightly, smiling at her. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Rainbow. You're just... you're just always here, y'know?"

Rainbow stared at him. "Hey," she droned, forcing a smile. "What are friends for?"

Shove It Or Leave It

Rainbow drank and drank and drank and drank...

At last, the jug of medicine was empty.

The mare lurched forward—catching herself on the edge of a table sitting crookedly in her foyer. She wheezed for a breath as liquid dribbled off her chin.

Closing her eyes, Rainbow took several deep breaths. Waiting...

At last, the tingling went away. Blood circulated through her arteries and she felt a familiar warmth in her limbs.

The pegasus' eyes fluttered open. She looked to the side... where two enormous jugs of medicine had been completely emptied within the span of half-an-hour. It was almost a third of the supply that Zecora had brewed for her that day.

An enormous lump formed in Rainbow's throat. Nevertheless—with a stretch of her presently flexible limbs—she marched forward and proceeded with shuffling her furniture about.

Two anguishing hours later, Rainbow Dash finished pushing a dresser against a wall beside her front door. The mare was aching and sweating all over. Despite her trembles, she fought against the pain, pushing the large wooden object as far as she could.

When at last the dresser came to a stop, Rainbow collapsed on her belly. She lay in a puddle of sweat and haggard breaths, gazing across the dusty floor of cloudstone.

With a gulp, she rolled over and stared up at the ceiling. It was difficult to see. It was a few hours past midnight and she only had a few manalights turned on to conserve energy.

Fluctuations of color played before her eyes as the blood rushed through her head. Soon, her mind—and her body—calmed down. In fact, it grew almost too calm.

Rainbow lifted her forelimbs, rubbing the fetlocks together.

It had been only two hours of hard labor... and already she was starting to feel the tingling numbness setting back in.

With a forlorn breath, the mare gazed into the kitchen. She saw four remaining jugs of medicine. No matter how long she stared, she couldn't push herself to rush in and consume some more.

Instead, she stood up, flapped her wings, and hovered halfway across the house. She gazed into her bedroom. Half the furniture still remained—heavy and formidable. Rainbow's limbs ached just looking at them.

The mare took several deep breaths. She leaned against a doorframe, exhaling... suspended in the smell of her own sweat.

At last, she gazed thinly out the window... and her ears drooped.

Minutes later, Rainbow turned about... and made a limping trot towards where her growingly smaller bit bag resided.

At the Heart of That Weight

That morning, Rainbow Dash stared at her hooves as she trotted across the heart of Ponyville.

The grass bent beneath her fetlocks. Leaves crunched. Pine needles tumbled and shifted.

She wished she could feel it all.

With a sigh, the pony stretched and unstretched her wings. Her mind scraped memories from the past. If she looked to the northwest, she could spot the top floor of Ponyville Central Hospital peeking out over the tree tops.

The mare's ears drooped as she imagined the most unthinkable exchange. Her wings stretched again. If the whole world was a fantasy, the only thing real had always been her feathers. She had a brief vision—something that was both hilarious and horrifying. She imagined a block of wood suspended in air. Suddenly the wood was carved into a prancing pony—but it fell forever.

Rainbow wasn't certain she'd want the numbness to clear by the time it hit the ground. Even a dead weight could dream so long as it wasn't robbed of clouds.

She tilted her head up, filling her eyes with sky. It was still the morning, and the clouds were sparse. A big gray blueness loomed over her... ever expansive and limitless. All her life, she had spent anchored to one thing or another, whether she knew it or not. Why hadn't she tried exploring more? Expanding more?

She closed her eyes, and as the tingling lingered in her limbs, she found her mind floating into warmer spheres. These weren't skyscapes, but rather a domain of a different, more familiar color. But even then, she couldn't indulge in the orange... in the gold... in the sporadic freckles of that happenstance heaven. Once upon a time, it brought her joy. But even the warmest escapes of her mind were no longer ecstatic things.

Rainbow wondered precisely when and where she reached a point where her only recourse was to punish herself.

Nevertheless, she trotted forward. Through the numbness, she heard voices... piercing.

The mare stifled a gasp. She reopened her eyes.

Pinkie Pie and Rarity trotted side by side. The two had been shopping—as evidenced by the items floating alongside the fashionista.

"...actually wants a coat made entirely out of yak wool! Do you know how many wars we'd start against the north if I had to procure such a substance?!"

"Heehee! You should hunt down some really angryyyyyyyy sheep and get them to cough up their fuzziness! Your client won't know the difference!"

"As hilarious a thought that may be, darling, I'm not in the habit of outright lying to those whom I make dresses for. I told the customer that we'd make a compromise. I'll make her two coats... and though the material may be artificial, I do believe I can emulate the texture of yak fur. Plus... I intend to emboss the collar and accents with Yakyakistanian motifs! Oh, she is going to be utterly flabbergasted!"

"This one time, I sewed a turtleneck for Gummy. He fit right in at the Hearth's Warming Eve party! Well... right up until the guests found him floating around in the eggnog bowl."

"Hmmm... yes, well... how about I design something water-proof for him after this latest job?"

"How about eggnog proof?!"

"Heheh... if you insist, Pinkie Pie."

"Yaaaaay!"

The friends' conversation rose and dwindled. This was because they had both passed Rainbow Dash... who was hiding behind a tree.

At last, Rainbow Dash stepped out from where she was concealed. She stood with her wings tightly coiled at her side. Biting her lip, she gazed down the road at where Rarity and Pinkie had vanished.

Now there was something else in addition to the tingling. It was a lingering pain that tightened up into a hard granite ball in the center of Rainbow's chest. Her sighs were heavy things, and she could scarcely turn herself around to continue her lurch home.

It was precisely at this moment that she nearly tripped over me.

"Hi, Rainbow Dash!" I said with an orange grin that reflected in her eyes.

Rainbow stumbled in place. When she saw me, the mare bit her lip. Seconds later, a smile bled out... accompanied by limply spreading wings. "Oh... h-hey there, sport..."

Why Not Sherbert?

"When did you get back to Ponyville, Rainbow Dash?!" I exclaimed, grinning wide.

Rainbow Dash blanched. Her feathers drooped as she squirmed in place. "Ah jeez... uhm... say..." She rubbed the back of her neck, fidgeting from side to side. "About that, kiddo. I... uh... I'm really friggin' sorry for not warning you that I was going on a—"

"Have you seen?!" I hopped up and down, scarcely breathing evenly. "Have you seen me from the air?! Huh?!"

"Uhhhhhhhhh..." She gulped. "You haven't been... committing arson, have you?"

I giggled. "No, Rainbow Dash! Even better! And you won't believe it!"

"Won't belive what?"

"Hold onto your cutie marks!" That triumphantly said, I licked my lips and leaned forward. My wings twitched... flapped... blurred. The air buzzed between us, and within seconds I was lifting up on my own.

Rainbow Dash blinked hard.

"Aaaaaaaaaaand..." Relaxing, I let out the first heavy breath of many and... began circling the pegasus. My hover turned into a glide, and soon I was an orange streak haloing her. The blades of grass bent beneath us from the cyclonic wind I was producing. "Ta-daaaaa!" I panted, maintaining my balance as I orbited and orbited a good three feet above the ground. "Pretty snazzy, huh?"

"Whoahhh..." She stared with her muzzle agape. A few seconds of genuine shock limped by, and she sported a dumb smile. "Way to friggin' go, kid! Since when did this happen?"

"Just a week ago!" I said, giggling again. "You were right! It's like riding a bike!" My muzzle twisted. "Although, I don't know many ponies who ride bikes..."

"Heh..."

"...but once I get the movement going, it's—like—impossible to let go! In fact, the only part that I'm having difficulty with is... is... uh..."

Rainbow arched an eyebrow. "The landing?"

"Er... eheh... yeah..." Holding my breath, I veer towards the ground. I wince—expecting the worse. Sure enough, I slide bumpily on my knees, but I somehow manage to come to a stop while remaining upright. With an exhale, I blink my eyes open, then hop back to my hooves. "Well, never mind that! Woohoo! Pegasi represent!"

"Way to go, squirt!" Rainbow Dash held her hoof out. "Gimme some hoof!"

"Rrrrrgh!" I hopped up high and slapped her fetlock with mine. Once we both heard the resounding slap, I realized I was hovering in place again. "Hah!" I giggled with rapture, pointing at my blurring wings. "Look! They even have a mind of their own!"

"Heh..." Rainbow Dash smirked devilishly. "You taught 'em well."

"No... you taught me well!" I twirled in midair and hovered back and forth, smiling. "I'm remembering all the stuff you showed me during the last few training sessions."

"Snazzy stuff, kid." She cocked her head to the side. "And who's been your wingmate ever since?"

"Huh?" I blinked at her, teetering in midair. "Oh. Nopony."

She squinted. "Nopony?"

"Yup."

"You mean... you flew for the first time by yourself?"

"Hehehehe... yup!" I grinned, circling a nearby tree. "I kept practicing, Rainbow! Just like you told me to! Then one day... I got airborne on my own! And I've done it awesomely ever since."

She opened her muzzle to say something. No words came out, and instead her eyes locked onto something invisible in the far distance. She exhaled through a calm smile, and her ears folded back.

"I always knew you'd have what it t-takes, kid."

"Heh... well, when the most awesome pony believes in me..."

She chuckled. "You've still been practicing?"

I nod, doing an aerial twirl. "Every day." I winced, wobbling slightly. "I... uh... eheh... I've kept within ten feet of the ground. Not... s-sure I'm ready for cloudsurfing yet."

"Smart moves," Rainbow said. "But you'll get there." She inhaled. "If you could get this good on your own... who knows where your practices will take you next?"

"Heh... sky's the limit, Rainbow Dash!" I winked at her. "It's all thanks to you."

"Believe me, kid. You should just give credit where credit's due." She smiled tenderly. "This is all you. Soak it up."

"Yeah... but..." I smiled her way. "You have plenty more tricks to show me, right? Heheh... can't wait to see what I can do with them!"

She bit her lip.

"Rainbow Dash?" I squinted at the mare, slowly touching down. "Rainbow, is everything oka—?"

"Ice cream!" she blurted.

My eyes crossed. "Buh?"

"Has anypony gotten you celebratory ice cream? Y'know... for breaking the skies?"

"Well... uh... no. But I haven't exactly broken the skies either—"

"Great! Let's go!" Rainbow Dash shoved me across Ponyville, chuckling nervously. "No time like the present!"

"But—"

"Ice cream!"

A Deal Made in the Heavens

"Mmmmmmm..." Rainbow Dash licked at the last remnants of frozen dessert clinging to a crooked cone. "Just you wait, kiddo..." She smirked, sucking up the melted juice within the breaded base. "Once you get into advanced flying, you can soar high enough that the air gets cold. Then you can enjoy ice cream longer."

"Hey... that sounds cool!" I exclaimed. I had devoured my dessert minutes ago. Right then, I was circling around the cloud where Rainbow had parked us. The rooftops of Ponyville lingered far below. "Although... I gotta ask." I squinted at her while hovering. "Why didn't we go to Sugarcube Corner this time?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh—"

"I thought Pinkie Pie had the best treats in all of Ponyville—"

"Think of it as... br-branching out!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "It's an analogy of learning to fly! You... uh... g-gotta learn new tricks and embrace new air currents! Eheheheh..." She gulped. "Yeah."

I smirked wryly at her. "Is that why you're the only pony to have ordered apple flavored ice cream at that shop in weeks?"

"Uhhhhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash shoved the cone in her mouth, crunched it to a fine caramel pulp, and swallowed. "Mrmmmmfff... what do you know...? Mrmmmff... who died and made you the ice cream chicken? Mrmmmfff..."

"Heeheehee..." I stuck my tongue out. "You can be soooooooo silly at times, Rainbow Dash..."

"Yeah, well..." She swallowed the last bits of the cone away and leaned against the cloudbed with a sigh. "Silly won't get you a Wonderbolt."

"You still plan on doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"Being a Wonderbolt—guhhh!" I flailed, suddenly losing my balance. For a second there, I felt as though I would plunge towards the rooftops of Ponyville below.

Rainbow caught me in a blink, setting me straight in my hover. "Let's just say that I've... put them on the 'to-do' list."

"Well, I'm glad," I said.

Rainbow arched an eyebrow. "You're glad?"

"Yeah..." I smirked. "Because I think you're too awesome for them."

Silence.

"I mean it! The Wonderbolts are cool and all... but..." I shrugged. "All they do these days is wear uniforms and perform the same old stunts. And while they're good at is... I just can't really imagine you in a uniform... looking like the rest of them. Someday, you deserve to have your name set in the sky."

"Preserving myself in words... just isn't my bag, kid," Rainbow said with a shrug. "I've always wanted to become a household word. Y'know? Become a living verbal legend? Due to my awesomeness?"

"What changed?"

She squinted. "Huh?"

I hoved about, peering at her. "Well... you make it sound like you used to want that."

She squirmed.

I smirked. "Or maybe you're secretly planning to save the world from the shadows?" I stuck a tongue out. "Cuz that seems totally like you!"

"Yeah... it does, doesn't it?" She sniffed, sitting up straight. "Y'know, kid—"

"Whatever you do, Rainbow Dash, I just know you're gonna make the mountains shake." I winked. "Because you're the absolute best!"

She stared at me. Then, with a calm breath, she murmured: "Sometimes you have to get better before you can be the best, Scootaloo."

I blinked. "Rainbow Dash...?"

"I... uhm..." She gulped, hugging her far shoulder as she avoided my gaze. "I... gotta get working on some things. Some... very important me things. And I... don't entirely know how long it's gonna take. But—"

"Rainbow Dash?" I touched down on the cloud. I stared up at her. "Are... you going away somewhere?"

She bit her lip. She looked at me with glossy eyes.

I gazed at her, blinking.

With a shuddering breath, she leaned forward and said, "I've... already been away, Scoots." Her jaw clenched. "I've been away for a long... long time. And if I don't go and find where I've gone... then there may be nothing to keep airborne."

"But..." I plopped down on my haunches. I felt my tail hairs curling around my little legs. "...what about your friends? Couldn't they help you... find yourself?"

"I wish it were that easy, squirt," she murmured. She gazed past me. "I wish it was all that easy..."

"No you don't."

She twitched. She looked down at me.

I was shaking my head. "You never like 'easy.'"

Silence.

"No..." She murmured. "You're right. I don't. Except for one thing." She brushed my bangs back. "It's gonna be super tough to not see you everyday... and that's not the kind of tough I dig."

I looked at her.

"I'm... super glad that you've gotten this flying thing down pat," she murmured, smiling crookedly. "It... it gives me hope, kid. And that's something I could use more of these days." She swallowed hard. "But... don't you worry or nothing. I'll visit lots... and I'll make sure that you get to the advanced stages so I can teach you all the tricks to blow the minds of your fellow school buddies—" She jolted slightly.

I was hugging her tenderly. "Just make sure you find yourself, Rainbow Dash," I said. "I wouldn't want to fly with any other pony."

She exhaled with a shudder. "Yeah, kid..." Her voice was a squeaking thing. I felt two tender forelimbs hugging me tight. "It's a d-deal..."

I smiled into that warmth. And when her breath broke in little spasms, I closed my eyes.

What tears? I didn't see anything...

Goodbye, Graves

Rainbow Dash sat on an empty floor...

In an empty bedroom... ...

Inside an empty home... ... ...

Gray streaks marred the cloudstone surfaces where furniture had lingered for months... years.

Rainbow breathed in... and out. Her ears twitched, one after another.

All was silent. An ever-permeating hush.

A single object lay on the floor ahead of her—a golden goblet. Its curved reflection accentuated the glossy nothingness stretching outward on either side of the pegasus.

Rainbow's eyes lingered on the container. Eventually, her gaze traveled along the dull walls of the place... crossing the even dimmer ceiling.

Her wings flexed and unflexed. The tingling numbness persisted... an eternal constant.

At last, with a dynamic swish of her tail, she stood up. Her hoofsteps sounded like thunderclaps as she gently scuffled across the domain. Crossing the room, she picked up a pair saddlebags bulging with her sole belongings—a third of which were strictly comprised of medicine jugs.

She stood in place... exhaling...

Then...

She trotted over, picked up the golden goblet... and slipped it into the one remaining pouch of her bag.

She lingered in that bedroom... enveloped by the shadows that she had surrendered to far more times than she could count. They were the only things she wasn't carrying with her... or so she imagined.

Then, with a final breath, she turned tail and trotted out of the sepulcher domain.

The Once Basin

Rainbow Dash couldn't help herself.

She peeked into her bathroom.

Her eyes traveled the barren walls... the spot where a mirror used to reflect every expression she both loved and hated.

She gazed at the bathroom stall—now bereft of curtains and plumbing. It was the one spot in her home where she knew she would enjoy a modicum of relaxation... tranquility...

A numbness she could appreciate.

One more sniffle... and she ducked out of the chamber altogether.

Cloud

Rainbow shuffled lonesomely down the narrow corridor leading towards the foyer of her home.

She paused to glance at the kitchen to her right.

All of the doors were removed from the cabinets' hinges.

All appliances were gone... every table and chair scrapped or sold.

A dim morning light rippled through the window. Rainbow sniffed the air, imagining that she was smelling something—anything. The staleness of the moment overwhelmed her, and she turned to look at the main foyer.

Gray patches of non-dust lingered along the wall—the locations of Wonderbolt posters that she had once acquired... had once been proud of. The reflective sheen of stacked trophies were long gone. After so many months, the grayness had finally conquered all.

She pondered all of the things she had once imagined—in a worst case scenario, the pieces of her life and her dreams that she thought she would miss.

In the end, despite being stripped to just two saddlebags full of random, useless nick-nacks, she still felt that the weight was too heavy. But having only the slimmest of feelings in her fetlocks, she was glad for whatever pressure she could afford. The stress—if nothing else—was the one real thing about her.

It carried her outward—almost limping—until she was free of the door, free of the house, and free of the shadows...

Free to crumble.

Dissolve

Rainbow Dash sat on a hilltop for hours.

Her once-home hovered in open view, due east.

She cradled a bit bag in her grasp. It felt heavy... but after selling all of her possessions, Rainbow Dash had somewhat hoped that it would feel heavier. She knew it wasn't just the numbness speaking; her eyes would never deceive her.

Rainbow heard the flapping of multiple wings—followed by the roar of a hot air balloon's furnace.

She swiftly pocketed her funds away in her saddlebag. Her ruby eyes traveled up.

A balloon floated in—bearing the colors of a familiar Realtor. A half-dozen pegasi workers accompanied it, floating in formation. They drew behind them a chariot that dragged a large mechanical apparatus. Barking orders to one another, the ponies descended to a patch of earth directly beneath the cloud. They parked the chariot and unhitched the machine.

The seventh pony in the basket of the hot air balloon started hollering commands. Following his lead, the pegasi flew back up to the house. First, they yanked the "For Sale" sign out from the cloudstone stoop. Then they proceeded to skeletonize the foundation of wood, glass, metal, and plastic parts.

Rainbow Dash watched, struggling to keep her breaths even. She figured she was a conspicuous blue figure seated atop her hill so close to the operation. Truth is, nopony bothered to look at her. They'd probably not even see her if they turned their heads.

Forty minutes passed. At last, the pegasi fired up the manabatteries of the metal machine. They aimed a series of tubed funnels up at the floating base of the house. Then—with coordinated wing movements—the six pegasi flew furious circles around the house in counter-clockwise formation.

The machine hummed loudly. Bolts of electricity sparked outward, making contact with the foundation of the household and producing tiny bursts of thunder.

Puff by puff, portion by portion, Rainbow Dash's house dissolved into a cyclonic column of vapor. The machine roared louder, and the mare watched as the misty material was cycled lifelessly through the funnels and into the heart of the machine. The air rang with the grinding of gears and the thrusts of pistons. Out the rear of the machine, a series of hazy clouds thinly materialized, ejected from the apparatus' core. The pegasi stopped flying in circles and prepared to kick the clumps of mist together, forming a large patch of cloud that was four times the size of the previous cloudstone structure. To this, they affixed a complex series of enchanted netting—which was then harnessed to the basket of the hot air balloon.

The seventh pony inside the basket saluted to the others, then fired up the furnace. The balloon drifted away—towing the misty cloud behind it... carrying it off until it became a grayish blue dot in the distance. Meanwhile, the other six pegasi reattached the machine to their chariot and flew off in the direction of Cloudsdale.

Rainbow Dash sat alone—and silent—in the shadow of nothing. A brisk wind kicked up, filling a patch of air that hadn't been filled in years. The morning waxed on cold and gray, and it was somewhere in the midst of this emptiness that Rainbow Dash stood up, turned about, and trudged her way towards the heart of Ponyville.

She had no reason to hurry anymore.

On the Corner of Everything and Nothing

Rainbow Dash could scarcely feel her hooves, but—if she paced herself—then it didn't matter.

She shuffled forward in a steady lurch, neither tired nor sleepy. The warm lengths of Equestria buzzed on either side of her. Dragonflies flitted among the pond fronds. Cicadas made music from the trees. Hares scurried in and out of foliage, disrupting the stillness of the moment.

The first row of gold-thatched houses lingered several stone-throws away. It didn't occur to Rainbow Dash just how distant her cloud home had been positioned from Ponyville proper until it was no longer there. The blue sky—once a comforting thing—was now an azure vacuum of missed opportunities... neglected conversations... and abandoned dreams.

And yet, Ponyville drew her forward, like gravity. The petite pegasus proceeded slowly, pinned to the earth by the weight of her everything. Her eyes scraped over every lasting detail before and beside her. She couldn't help it. She had never paid that much attention to the surface texture of her home before. For all she knew, it might be the very last time she had an opportunity.

Minutes passed. Rainbow could hear the babbling of tiny brooks that ran through the eastern side of the town. Quaint stone bridges connected the outer districts. Tent flaps from market bazaars flapped in the breeze, and the persistent grind of the town's trademark windmill continued to add percussion to the otherwise dormant villagescape.

So much stone, mortar, and wood—and yet, at a far glance, no sign of living, breathing ponies. In fact, from outside, the village looked pretty, rustid, but devoid of life. Rainbow figured this was how she always saw Ponyville... or perhaps how she had forced herself to see it for so long... in tiny gray glimpses beyond the obscuring curtains of her room... a domain of darkness that afforded her the luxury of isolation, but none of the benefits.

Rainbow Dash paced her breaths as though she was about to descend into a sepulcher. With glacial grace, she entered the east edge of Ponyville.

Carousels and Halls

Carousel Boutique lingered two and a half-blocks away. Rainbow didn't dare go any closer. From afar, she saw the glittering spire and the prancing equine figures affixed to the outer finish. The sun glinted off the windows—so that she couldn't manage a glimpse inside the structure.

She felt that she needed to be thinking about Rarity... about all of the shiny, colorful fabrics that were most likely on display in the fashionista's inspiration room. Rainbow considered sending her mind back to all the times Rarity blurted nonsensical things worthy of face-hoofing... or all the times she exercised heartwarming generosity.

And yet...

...all Rainbow Dash could think of was the beautiful gown that Rarity had made for her... the same dress that Rainbow Dash had so flippantly sold to a pawn shop just sixteen hours previous.

Clenching her jaws tight, Rainbow Dash pressed on, passing beneath an archway and into the heart of Ponyville.

City Hall loomed before the mare, occupying the majority of her vision. Rainbow instantly thought of the night before the Summer Sun Celebration. Her mind conjured up frightening visions of Nightmare Moon. Within a blink, she remembered charging head-on towards the alicorn—only to be held back by a mighty set of jaws clamping down onto her tail.

Applejack...

Rainbow Dash pivoted south, forcing herself to distance the City Hall building—and all of its connected memories—out of her mind.

Soon, she passed by Golden Oaks. Glancing through the windows, she thought she spotted a glimpse of purple scales... but she knew better. Spike, Twilight Sparkle, and Trixie were far away in Canterlot. They would likely be there for another week. It occurred to the pegasus that she might not ever see any of them again.

Leaves rustled in the breeze. Moisture rippled in a half-empty wooden trough.

Rainbow Dash passed under the shadow of Golden Oaks... and kept trotting.

The Garden

Rainbow Dash had spent the better part of four years living in Ponyville... which is why she was curiously surprised to find a spot that she had never truly seen before. If anything, she must have flown swiftly over it, never bothering to stop and see how remarkable it felt from the ground level.

It was a park—or a mediocre attempt at one, really. Three quadratic layers of hedges enveloped one another—breaking halfway between the cardinal corners. Within the centermost layer, there was a lavender garden. Nestled amidst the flowers was an antique metal sundial, rusted with time—but not neglect.

For being such a tiny, unseemly spot—it was very well maintained. All of the weeds had been plucked and the flower petals were in full bloom. Rainbow could only guess that it was a monument to somepony... or perhaps a grave belonging to an old official fron Ponyvillean days gone by. Whatever the case, there was no plaque or sign to commemorate anything. Just a whole lot of emptiness segmented by geometric beauty—and all perfumed with a blissful natural fragrance. The northeast end of the "garden" sported a wooden lattice archway, overgrown with thorns and flowers. If Rainbow Dash was anypony but herself, she might have been moved to giggles.

Instead, she dropped her saddlebags like twin anvils and slumped down on a bench. The seat was old—its wooden planks warped by time and moisture. But she was too light to fear it breaking. Sighing, she sat there, baked in the sun... serenaded by bees as they pollinated the lavender flowers on either side of her.

Rainbow Dash gazed down at the floor... at the soft earth and cobblestone pathing beyond her dangling, useless limbs. It was cool and comforting—but the shadows allowed the tears to bud. So, sucking her breath in, she gazed skyward. The sun was bright, punishing... and it kept her eyes dry. But Rainbow couldn't deal with the pain for long. She clenched her lids shut, flooding her mind with a veiny redness that crept through her... filled her... reminded her with every bloodpulse that she was hopelessly, unavoidably alive.

She was the fastest mare in all of Equestria... and still she hadn't managed to go anywhere.

Rainbow Dash shuddered. Her soul—she imagined—would have been a lot easier to carry with her if she could only find it... instead of searching for the remnants scattered randomly across her past and future like freckles against a sun-bleached coat. It was difficult to move beyond something so beautiful... somepony so mesmerizing and inspiring... that the rest of the skies paled in comparison. Perhaps Noir could have found her work on a distant moon in some far off dimension of impenetrable darkness. Even then—Rainbow new—the golden brilliance of her smile would illuminate her every muscle, no matter how far she scurried.

Rainbow Dash was so busy with being distracted that she didn't realize that something else was trying to distract her. Her ears twitched, and she noticed that she was hearing voices... cheering voices... barking voices... boasting voices.

Over the nearby hill—due north of the quaint little garden and its sundial—Rainbow Dash sensed movement. There was a large group assembled not too far away. It was there—Rainbow knew—that the Ponyville fairground resided... although she couldn't remember the last time that a fair ever too place in that village.

Nevertheless, something was going on, and it suddenly explained the dormant streets that she had wandered through before.

It was boredom—perhaps—that eventually pushed her off that bench. With a sigh, she strapped the heavy saddlebags back onto her person and shuffled limply in the direction of the commotion.

The Equestrian Marathon

There was a stage erected along the outskirts of Ponyville. The size of the field was put to good use—for several dozen local citizens were gathered in attendance, bristling and bustling with excitement.

The Mayor of the town stood before the masses, smiling brilliantly. A bright purple banner fluttered above the stage, and several wooden tables had been set up in a row where elderly volunteers sat with clipboards, notepads, and money buckets.

"Today's refreshments have been provided by the generous contributions of Rarity of Carousel Boutique!" the Mayor said, gesturing towards an array of water bottles situated along the edge of the clearing. "Due to the demands of business, she's unable to attend today's ceremony, but she sends her blessings and she wishes all potential athletes the best in success and in health! So, please, do partake! I know it's a hot day today, heheh!"

Laughter. Murmurs. Ponies sipped water and awaited an inevitable speech.

Rainbow Dash strolled in from the sidelines. She stood at the rear of the crowd, squinting at the stage. She spotted several city officials... along with two curious new faces—one, a humongous specimen of muscle and athleticism. The other, a pink-mane'd stallion in a blue suit.

"Alright... on with the show!" The Mayor adjusted her collar and smiled. "Welcome, fillies and gentlecolts, to the first day of sign-ups for the Official Equestrian Marathon!" Her grinning teeth glinted. "Being held here in our very own beautiful town of Ponyville!"

Ponies cheered... stomping the ground and clapping with their hooves.

Rainbow Dash squinted, glancing left and right.

The Mayor continued: "As you well know, every six months, the Equestrian Marathon is held in a different town across the country... where some of our nation's best athletes are allowed to participate and raise prize money for both themselves and for charity! Due to the popularity and success of the Equestrian Grand Marathon, five new state-of-the art foals' hospitals have been built in the last decade alone! Not to mention proceeds to veterans and the homeless!" Her eyes narrowed. "This season... funds will be going to opening a new wing of Ponyville Central Hospital, including the construction of a center for treating unicorn diseases—the first facility of its kind this side of Canterlot!"

More applause.

"Already..." The Mayor smiled aside, winking at a group of businessponies. "...we've had a generous donation of fifty-thousand bits. But that's just the start! To explain the way the proceeds will work, I shall give the stage over to Canterlot businessstallion and renown philanthropist, Fancy Pants. Mr. Pants?"

Ponies clapped and cheered. A familiar stallion in a monocle shuffled up to the podium.

Rainbow Did a double-take. Her lips pursed...

"Ahem... yes, right then..." Fancy Pants smiled at the crowd. "Greetings, rustic ponyvilleans! Quite the beautiful day in the country, wouldn't you say? Heheh... granted, you're probably quite used to this. I, myself, am used to far colder air. It's a good thing I'm not running in the marathon. The humidity is positively murderous."

Chuckles lifted above the crowd's heads.

"However, I am donating to the cause. Quite handsomely, as a matter of fact. Why? Because there's something about the Equestrian Marathon that just... speaks to the indomitable equine spirit in all of us. There's nothing better than good ol' fashion competition, eh?" A cheekish grin, and a wink "While the proceeds may be starting at a seemingly steep fifty-thousand bits, I have attended enough Equestrian Marathons to know that the final sum can easily quadruple that amount! You see, this is where you and every other pony in the province come in." He pointed at the tables where volunteers were lined up. "Over the course of this week, we are taking donations in every town—much like this one—to see how far we can raise the charitable winnings! That's right... your money will be used to make Equestria a safer, happier, more healthy community. And! On top of that... however high the lump sum reaches, the pony who comes in first in the marathon will win a fourth of that prize! That's right! As we start, entreants stand to earn over twelve thousand bits for coming in first place! The higher we raise the proceeds—not only will the charity organizations benefit—but the first place jogger also stands to enjoy a greater fortune! On top of that, the town with the highest donations from its citizens will receive free exercise equipment from Barnyarn Bargains for a year! So it's a competition on two fronts, and everypony stands to benefit! Especially unicorns needing health treatment for magical ailments... as your good Mayor has alerted you."

Ponies glanced at one another, nodding and murmuring in contemplation. Smiles and happily twitching ears were abundant.

In fact, the only pony who didn't look happy was the stallion in the blue business-suit standing next to the muscular speciment atop the stage.

Rainbow squinted at them—but was distracted as Fancy Pants resumed speaking:

"Today marks the day that we begin sign-ups... not just for athletes who wish to partake in the Marathon—but for those who desire to donate. We're not asking a fortune from you, of course. Every little bit helps. But do understand that the more you contribute, the bigger the prize... and the greater the chance Ponyville gets at being hailed across Equestria as the most generous villagers in equine civilization! Well... at least for the next six months." As ponies laughed, he adjusted his monocle and added: "And—yes—you can donate and participate in the marathon, if you so desire."

The Mayor stepped up, gesturing at either side of the stage. "Donations are to made to your left... and sign-ups for participating in the marathon will be to your right!"

"Thanks, Mayor!" Fancy Pants said. "I, for one, greatly look forward to the marathon itself! It's quite an exuberant show of good sportsponyship and athleticism... much like your Running of the Leaves! Only... eheh... you can very well expect to find ponies from all trots of life attending! And in record numbers too!" The mustached stallion brightened. "As a matter of fact! To inspire all of you into participating, we have with us a real celebrity with us right now! I speak, of course, of none other than the one... the only—"

The businesstallion in the pink mane suddenly spoke up: "I'll to the introductions for my agent, thank you very much." He tilted his nose up, adjusting his tie.

Rainbow was still recovering from the migraine-inducing pitch of the pony's voice when she heard Fancy Pants reply: "Oh. Yes. Very well, then. Fillies and gentlecolts..." The philanthropist took a humble step back. "...Mr. Svengallop."

Well, Sven

As soon as this "Svengallop" ponysona began talking, Rainbow Dash found herself reeling... glancing all around for something to bash her skull in. But to no avail.

"Yes yes yes... we all know that the Equestrian Marathon is a delightfully cheritable occasion... one that I've been proud to be a part of for several years running." The pink-mane'd stallion on stage gestured at himself. "Well... being an agent of running... eheheheh... no, that's quite alright. You don't need to laugh. Ahem. Let's get really honest with one another, shall we?" His eyes stabbed like daggers. "Deep down inside, we're all horses. And horses love to race... competing on the most evolutionary level. And no competition is worth anything without somepony to beat. Well... I've brought such a pony to the table here today... the pony... the one and only pony who remains undefeated for the last five years in a row!"

The crowd murmured in awe as Svengallop gestured towards the towering, muscular behemoth standing silent and robotic beside the petite stallion.

"I'm talking about Brick Lesneigh! My agent... and the best equine athlete in the world! Unquestionably! There are facts about life that you cannot deny, my... mmmfff... humble 'Ponyvillean' friends. Such as the fact that rain is wet. Or that gravity causes things to fall. Or that someday—all of us are going to die... some not as fast as they should, granted, but that's another topic altogether. Ahem. One fact that remains undeniably true is that none of you can even come CLOSE to defeating Brick Lesneigh! I know that the Mayor and Mr. French Panties here want to encourage tons of ponies to sign up and donate so that they can get a better grab at an enlarged monetary prize, but with Brick Lesneigh competing—well—that's gonna be a bit tough, isn't it? If you count all of the minor marathon events of the past decade, you'll find that his streak is actually at fifteen races won. Heck, he even won the Detrot Equestrian Marathon with over twenty minutes to spare! Twenty minutes, folks! That's... like... five of your hoe-downs in a row! Or something."

Brick Lesneigh said nothing. His beady eyes continued staring into negative space while his agent spoke and spoke.

"But... naturally... Brick Lesneigh does not exist to rob much-needy ponies of their charity funds. He lives to win... to be that which he is: legendary. After all... he doesn't need the money! He gets enough from sponsorships—thanks to yours truly. Heheheh... so... to that extent, and to give the event reason to pool in all of the necessary resources, Brick Lesneigh made a very humble decision ages ago. He's agreed to take his prize money from the Equestrian Marathon and award it to the ponies who finish in second... third... fourth... and so on—all the way to tenth! So... rest assured, a good percentage of you participants will be winners! Even if you're all losers... but that's a matter of perspective, isn't it?"

Svengallop spun about, pointing at the muscular entity.

"But what isn't a matter of perspective is the objective fact that Brick Lesneigh is going to win the first place prize! And his triumph will be your triumph—for he is the greatest athlete to ever bestow this cutesy little farm town or any of the provinces beyond! So... please... by all means... join him in the spotlight! Sign up today for the benefit of sick, fumbling unicorns everywhere! For any tiny piece of triumph you can afford will make you feel a tiny bit of greatness... for you will be sharing in the wealth that is Brick Lesneigh!"

Rainbow had just about pushed the bile down her throat when she took notice of a yellow-brown figure in her peripheral. Glancing aside, she spotted a silken mane... and that was how she knew she was looking at Caramel.

The stallion stood on the sidelines, quite and deadpan. He hadn't noticed the pegasus yet.

Blinking, the mare glanced at the stage, then back at her friend. Without saying a word, she turned from the platform and slowly pressed her way through the crowd.

"Now... to make things perfectly clear to you... fruit-bucking types..." Svengallop unrolled a sheet of paper and squinted at the lines. "...I've detailed the extent to which Brick Lesneigh's funds will be disseminated down the line of not-winners. Between the first and tenth slot, you can expect a total depreciation of about seventy-two point five percent of the initial ten equal shares with slight variations in—"

One Chicken Sneaking Mission

Caramel saw Rainbow upon approach. Gulping, he managed a slight smile and an even slighter wave. "Uh... h-hi there, Rainbow Dash. How's the weather?"

"Oh, y'know." Her nostrils flared as she looked over her shoulder at the stage. "Partly cloudy with a chance of jerkwad."

"Heh... these big city types certainly like to shout in stereo whenever they stroll through Ponyville, huh?"

"He's certainly pouring out two ends, alright," Rainbow muttered. She turned to face the demure stallion with a calm smile. "How are you holding up, girl?"

He cleared his throat, glancing at the stage as Svengallop continued rambling in the background. "I'm... holding." One ear twitched after the other. "Got my chores done for the day. No more carrots or turnips to deliver. Just..." His tail flicked as he sighed. "...biding my time."

Rainbow stared at him. "Don't you ever... I dunno... do anything when you're not working?"

"I... uh... eheh..." Caramel brushed a silken bang of brown mane hair over his eyes. "...I like to window shop. And... do gardening. Well... I guess I mostly think of doing gardening. I like flowers. But... can't really afford to buy many seeds at the moment. Still saving up... y'know..."

"Still, you gotta have something to pass the time doing," Rainbow remarked. "It can't all be a bunch of milling about and counting the hours as they go by... can it?"

"Mmmmm... well..."

"How about Lyra and Bon Bon?" Rainbow smiled. "Or Vinyl? I bet they're not doing anything."

"They've... got a lot on their plate."

"Pffft. Please. You light up our lives, girl." Rainbow smirked. "I bet they'd be happy to spend some time with you."

"Uhm... to tell the truth, Rainbow... I-I never really hang out with the other girls when they're not at the pub." He shrugged. "Ponies just... don't bother saying 'hey' to me much. Except for you, I suppose."

Rainbow blinked.

"And, of course, that's only been a recent thing." He smiled gently. "You've almost always been off doing stuff and having adventures with your other friends."

"Yeah..." Rainbow fidgeted, gazing aside. "Well..."

"Say..." Caramel's lips pursed as he squinted anew at Rainbow. "Why aren't you chillaxing with Fluttershy and the others right now? It's usually that time of day."

Rainbow gulped. "Well... Twilight and Spike are off doing stuff with the Princess in Canterlot. Rarity's... busy with... uhm... dresses..."

Caramel's eyes fell on the bulging saddlebags at her side. His brow furrowed, and he glanced at her yet again. "Rainbow... is everything okay?"

"Heheh! Sure! I was just... y'know..." She gestured a hoof at the stage. "Checking out the big scene. Same as you."

"Egads." Caramel stifled a giggle. "Are we both that bored that we gotta find interest in whatever this dude's pitching?"

Rainbow chuckled. "It's not the businessstallion. It's the Marathon." She sighed out her nostrils. "How I do love me a good competition."

"It seems tailor-made for you."

Rainbow stood dead-still. She wrenched her eyes from the stage, pawing at the grass. "Yeah, well—"

"Heh... wouldn't it be funny if I entered the competition?"

Rainbow glanced up at him. "Why don't you?"

Caramel blinked. "Well... I-I mean... I'm so out of shape."

"Pffft..." Rainbow rolled her eyes before smiling. "Speak for yourself, girl."

"No! I-I mean it." He cleared his throat. "It's... been a long time since I worked on my cardio. And when it comes to endurance stuff like this?" He exhaled slowly. "A marathon runner's life is sexy and admirable... but I'm really not aiming for that kind of physical look. Y'know... cuz of the resulting muscle mass and such..."

"It's not like lifting weights or anything, Caramel," Rainbow said. "Face it. You've got a good set of legs."

Caramel giggled.

"I mean it! You haul vegetables all the time! That's gotta build up quite the muscle fiber! I'd say you should sign up for the run!"

"Heheh... no, Rainbow Dash..."

"Some competition would be good for you!" Rainbow winked. "Get your mind off your troubles and do something healthy for yourself! Plus, it's not like you'd be the only one doing it!"

"I haven't got a chance of winning any of those money prizes," Caramel muttered. "I'd be lucky if I came in one hundredth. Assuming I don't faint from exhaustion halfway through the run."

Rainbow stared at him. "... ... ...you don't know how lucky you are... to even get as far as fainting."

Caramel merely blinked at that.

With a sigh, Rainbow Dash trotted over and whispered close. "You're an awesome, healthy, pretty pony, Caramel. Just because life hasn't awarded you with much as of late doesn't mean you can't reward yourself. Don't... let them get to you."

Caramel blinked. "Let who, Rainbow Dash?"

"Everyone," Rainbow said. She blinked hard. "But mostly yourself. You're worth more than you can ever imagine. So... why don't you consider seizing it?"

Before Caramel could reply, I giggled and cheered from the sidelines: "Super inspiring as always, Rainbow."

For some reason, Rainbow's ears drooped. Nevertheless—with a clenched jaw—she slowly pivoted from Caramel and turned to face me. Her smile was a fragile thing. "Well well well... if it isn't a stealthy little squirt...?"

The Art of Awesome

"Pretty crazy stuff, eh, Rainbow?" I asked, smirking aside at the rest of the assembled denizens of Ponyville. "Well..." I winced slightly as the stallion's nasally voice continued to read grating numbers off a sheet of paper. "...as far as crazy goes. Eheheh..."

"What brings you out to such a bore-fest, kiddo?" Rainbow asked.

"Bore-fest?!" I spun to gawk at her. "Are you kidding?! It's the Equestrian Marathon! It only happens twice a year... and this is the first time it's happening in Ponyville!"

"Uh huh." Rainbow Dash brushed a few prismatic bangs back as she gazed at the stage and the tables erected beyond. "I'm all for competitions n'all... but when it gets this organized..." She blew out the side of her muzzle. "I dunno. Something gets lost in all the eggheaded pretense, y'know?"

"No." I blinked. "I don't."

"Erm..." Rainbow Dash fidgeted.

"Hello, Scootaloo," Caramel said.

I smiled. "Hiya, Caramel! Done with hauling vegetables for the day?"

"Heehee... and how."

Rainbow Dash did a double-take. "Scoots? You and Caramel... know each other?"

Caramel smiled at Rainbow Dash. "My supply route takes me by Cheerilee's school every morning."

"Yeah!" I hopped up and down. "Caramel's super cool! She's always got silly stories to tell about the local farms—" I locked in place, wincing. "Whoops. I-I didn't mean to say 'she.' Just... the way you wear your mane—"

"No no..." Caramel chuckled breathily. "Please... nothing to be sorry for." A soft grin. "Really."

"Hey, are Golden Harvest's older brothers still tipping over Mooella and the other cattle at night?"

"Yup!" Caramel winked. "But they stopped the moment that Green Hoof got a sharp horn in the butt."

"Hahahaha..." I giggled. "How's he going to lie down in bed?"

"He can't! Golden Harvest says he sleeps on his face!"

"Heeheehee!"

Rainbow Dash glanced between us. "So... uh... cow tipping, huh?"

"Yeah. In this day and age." Caramel coughed. "And to think we've come so far since the wheel."

"Yeah." I stifled a yawn, glancing over my shoulder at the proceedings. "I hope that—one of these days—they hold an Equestrian Scooterthon."

"Why don't you join this Marathon?" Caramel asked.

"Caramel..." Rainbow muttered.

Caramel blinked aside. "What?"

"I... uh... I tried..." I said, kicking at a few flakes of dirt on the ground. "They said I'm too young to compete. Then somepony patted me on the head." I rolled my eyes. "I hate being patted on the head."

"It's 'cuz they're all scared of ya, kid." Rainbow Dash smiled. "The moment you join? That prize money is yours."

"Heh... thanks, but I really doubt anypony can beat this Brick Lesneigh guy."

"Pffft. Says who?" Rainbow Dash pointed. "Look at him. The guy's a friggin' mountain. Mountains can't run. Trust me. I've been inside tons of 'em."

"But he's Brick Lesneigh!" I exclaimed. "You seriously haven't heard of Brick Lesneigh?! Equestria's most consecutive award-winning marathon galloper?"

"Should I have?" Rainbow snorted. "A chump's a chump... especially if he has a mega-chump representing him."

"They've got a pretty intense winning-streak beneath their belts, Rainbow," Caramel said. "At least... they're kind enough to share the extra winnings with the runner-ups."

"Kind?!" Rainbow grimaced. "Take it from a pony who's been best friends with Fluttershy for years. There's nothing 'kind' about these upstart melon fudges. There's being a sore winner... and then there's rubbing it in other ponies' faces." Rainbow's muzzle scrunched. "Most uncool..."

"What these guys need is somepony to knock 'em down a peg," I said with a smirk, glaring at the stage. "Real Ponyvillean grit!"

"Mmmmmm..." Rainbow Dash dug at the ground. "Yeah..."

Caramel looked at her... then at me. He cleared his throat. "But... y'know... a race is just a race. So long as there's lots of money going to charity, then who cares if—"

"But it's more than just a race!" I exclaimed, ears twitching. "It's about representing Ponyville and what it means to be a good... y'know... a good, awesome pony! Brick Lesneigh is pretty impressive and all, but he and this Vinnyglump guy are gonna rub Ponyville's nose in the mud at this rate!" I sighed, staring off past the stage. "I guess it's just par for the course as the Equestrian Marathon is concerned."

"Yeah..." Rainbow Dash muttered, nodding. "But... Ponyville ain't a town full of pushovers. They won't be fazed by these idiots. I'm... I'm sure of it."

Raising an eyebrow, I glanced at Rainbow Dash. My eyes fell on her thick saddlebags—noticing them for the first time.

Her eyes twitched. And that's how I realized that she noticed me noticing them.

My gaze met hers. "We... we have a chance of winning, don't we, Rainbow Dash?"

She looked past me. I spotted a slight tremor running up her legs. "Some days, kid... you... uh..." She cleared her throat. "You gotta sit things out."

Caramel bit his lip, glancing between us.

I stared at her. I fought a lump in my throat. Eventually—after much fumbling—I produced the raspy words: "Well... I'm glad that you and I never sat things out." A tender smile. "I don't know where I'd be if it weren't for you being there for me."

Rainbow's eyes rested on my wings. "You got to where you are on your own, squirt." Her head shook. "You don't have to thank me."

"I can't help it." My feathers fluttered slightly. The image of Rainbow blurred slightly, but I maintained a faithful smile. "Everypony around here... should be thanking you. Especially the ones who don't know it."

Rainbow bit her lip. Her ears drooped. "It's not easy being awesome... and it doesn't ever get easier."

"Well... even still..." I sniffled and rubbed my cheek. "You'll always be m-my hero, Rainbow Dash." I clenched my teeth to maintain my smile. "I... only hope the rest of Ponyville gets to know... someday... just how awesome you are... and continue to be."

She stared at me in silence. I'm not sure exactly when it all melted. She hasn't told me since, either. But I knew something had changed the moment her ears rose back up... and she was frowning and smirking at the same time. A devilish thing that only Rainbow Dash could do.

And then...

Awesomeness Rises

"...as for the tenth prize winner—if he... or she... is not satisfied with such a... generous share, then—by all means—my client, Brick Lisneigh, will be more than willing to split the last share again..." Svengallop yawned halfway through the tail-end of his proclamation. With a lethargic grin, he finished: "...assuming he isn't also responsible for carrying such ponies over the finishing line on his own shoulders. Which he can do, by the way."

Out from the crowd, a voice cracked: "Shoulders, shmoulders... here I am at the foundation of a marathon the only running I've seen so far is some stallion's big mouth!"

Svengallop's eyes bulged. He looked every which way, his pink mane flouncing. "Huh? What?" His teeth gnashed. "Who dares insult the Sven?!"

"Pffft... you can't insult something that's already so lame." A blue figure trotted through the crowd, approaching the stage. "Is that why you cling to that mountain of a horse standing next to you? Because, if so, tell him he can run you back to where you came from!"

Brick Lesneigh blinked. He opened his massive jaws to speak—

"Whoah, there, Brick. I know exactly what you're going to say." Svengallop pivoted about, tilting his nose up at the sight of the petite pegasus. "And I whole-heartedly agree! If this is the kind of reception I can expect here in Ponyville, then you yokels are a whole lot ruder than I thought!"

"Rude?" Rainbow squinted. "You go on for half-an-hour instructing us how we can accept your client's winnings... as if we're a bunch of losers who expect to roll over for whatever athlete gallops our way?" She rolled her eyes. "Tch... dude, who are you, anyway? This is Ponyville! You don't have the right to say who's gonna be first, tenth, eleventh, or whateverth! Especially in a town already chock full of winners! Not that you'd know, of course."

Ponies murmured to one another, their voices rising in enthusiasm for the first time in minutes.

Svengallop's jaw hung agape. "What... you... y-you can't be serious!" The stallion pointed up at the girthy organism beside him. "You infinitesimal little rain stain! Do you even know who my client is?!"

"Nope. And I don't care!" Rainbow Dash smirked. "Because as far as I'm concerned, the only winners of this marathon are those sickly unicorns over at the hospital that they're building. And it just wouldn't be awesome if a local Ponyvillean didn't win the prizes for them!"

The crowd smiled and nodded some more.

"Hmmmff..." Svengallop leaned back, folding his forelimbs. "If that's the way you feel, how about you sign up and put your might where your muzzle is?!"

"I already did," Rainbow Dash said, waving a carbon copy of a paper in her grasp.

Svengallop blinked.

"Did it just a few minutes ago while you were still prattling away with your fat mouth." Rainbow squinted with a smirk. "Oh, I'm sorry. Was I supposed to be listening to you? I'm afraid that none of these ponies here are quite so fluent in jerkeneses."

"Uhm..." Caramel shuffled up, ears drooped. "Rainbow?" He patted her shoulder. "M-maybe you should reconsider—"

"Grrrrrr..." Svengallop shook an angry hoof from where he stood on the stage. "Now listen here—!"

"No. You listen! Ponyville's an awesome place full of awesome ponies! We don't need you to tell us how to win the day! And to prove it... not only am I going to beat your client to first place... but I'm gonna make sure that all of Equestria knows just how badly he lost!" She grinned devilishly. "It'll be the news sensation of the century!"

Fumbling, the Mayor rushed forward and smiled into the crowd. "All the more reason to donate generouslyyyyyyyy!" The crowd chuckled and applauded as she glanced nervously at Rainbow.

"Right! Let them pile it on!" Rainbow smiled. "Let's make a generous record here in Ponyville! And when I win the proceeds... I'm gonna donate my fourth of the prize to my good friend Melody! So you can take your totally lame pride and stick it where the flies don't puke!"

Caramel blinked, his muzzle agape.

In the meantime...

...the crowd broke into thunderous applause and cheers.

And the loudest of all: "Wooohooo!" I hovered in midair, my wings buzzing like they could never do before this month. A bright grin reflected sunlight in a beam before me. "You tell 'em, girl! Yeah! Awesome!"

Rainbow breathed. Perhaps it was a passing cloud... or just a tactful flick of the ear that kept everypony from seeing the first of many bulbs of sweat...

And Throw the Mic

If the heavens hadn't been pierced before, they were parting now by the nasally missiles being thrown skyward from the throat of Svengallop.

"Haah haah haah haah haah!" He brayed, mane flouncing.

Ponyvilleans citizens fidgeted awkwardly.

Rainbow Dash merely raised an eyebrow.

"Duaaaaaaah!" Svengallop inhaled, then gaped down at the pegasus. "Are you serious?! Are you actually so deranged... so insipidly stupid to believe that you can somehow defeat my client—the undefeated marathon champion Brick Lesneigh?!"

"She's not stupid!" I stammered, cheeks puffing angrily. "She's Rainbow Dash! The fastest pegasus in Equestria!"

"Well, her muzzle may like to run fast!" Svengallop fumbled through a yawn. "But that won't get her anywhere in the big leagues. Ya hear that, lady?" His nostrils flared as he pointed from the stage. "You're going to need the legs of a hydra attached to that petite little blue tube body of yours if you even think that you can even remotely keep up with the pace of my client out in the field!"

"What, is your precious client too cowardly to accept my challenge on his own?" Rainbow said.

Brick Lesneigh opened his muzzle—

"Heeeeeeeey now..." Svengallop trotted in front of him. "You can't just waltz up and insult my client like that! He has more talent and dignity in his left ear then you have in your whole body! Hmmmf! Even with ten of you all strapped together and pumping your legs, you still wouldn't be able to make a dent in my client's track record! Hell, look at you! If you ran full-force into Brick Lesneigh's bicep, he wouldn't even feel the slightest pinprick!"

"Well." Rainbow Dash smirked. "As the king of little pricks, I can understand how you wouldn't know a thing or two about charisma."

The crowd chanted, smiling at one another.

Slowly... like glaciers melting... Svengallop's grin faded. He inhaled fumingly. "Alright then. If that's the way you wanna do it... go ahead and sign up!"

"Dude, I already d—"

"But you'll be signing the death warrant of your athletic career!" Svengallop pointed. "Mark my words! The moment you stupidly decided to open your muzzle and put your integrity on the line in the face of my client's indomitable greatness, you gave up any chance of anypony respecting you ever! Not that you'll even have a chance to care, because my client is going to leave you so far behind in the dust that you'll be coughing up dirt for months!" Svengallop bellowed: "You're gonna get your flank beat by Brick Lesneigh. You're gonna get beat by Brick Lesneigh! You're gonna get beat up by Brick Lesneigh! You're gonna get hurt by Brick Lesneigh!" Saliva flew. "You're gonna get embarrassed by Brick Lesneigh! You're gonna be emasculated by Brick Lesneigh!" Veins showed in his forehead as he hollered. "You're going to be conquered! Conquered! Conquered... by Brrrrick... Lesneigh!" A final snort, and he waved his hoof with a squinting glare. "Believe that!"

Ponies blinked as the stallion marched off the stage. Brick Lesneigh cracked the joints in his meaty neck, said nothing, and trotted after his agent.

Villagers glanced at one another in dead silence.

Rainbow Dash had her jaw clenched.

I looked all around. "Well... that went better than I expected!" I smiled.

Numb and In Charge

"Did you see how red in the face he got?!" I hopped circles around Rainbow and Caramel. "Wow! I've been to the ocean before! And still I've never seen so much salt! Heeheehee!"

"Yeah, uh..." Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. "The dude could certainly learn to... control his blood pressure more."

"You ask me, he stores all his blood in his client!" I scooted to a stop, smirking. "For real! That guy would be nothing if it weren't for the likes of Brick Lesneigh to lean on!"

"The guy is already nothing, Scoots," Rainbow said. She looked downhill at where the stage—and the tables beside it—were being gradually disassembled. The day had ended. The ponies had put in their donations. The preparations for the Marathon were being put to a rest as evening gradually descended. "He's just got... y'know... a pretty big chip on his shoulder."

"More like a ravine," Caramel droned.

"Heeeeeeey, girl!" Rainbow smirked at him. "Way to go! Very punny of you!"

Caramel blushed. "I try..."

"I think it's super awesome of you, Rainbow Dash!" I exclaimed.

"Heh... care to be specific, kid?"

"I mean... being willing to donate all of your prize money to this friend of yours!" I grinned. "Have I actually met Melody?"

Caramel hid his blushing face behind a silken lock of hair.

"I think... in some way or another..." Rainbow winked. "We've all met Melody."

Caramel squeaked slightly.

"Still. You certainly showed up this moron!" I remarked, still chuckling with joy... pride... feathers. "He didn't know what he was stepping into the moment he came to this town! Now all you gotta do is zip past his client and he can eat his mean words!"

"Yeah..." Rainbow wheezed. "Simple as that."

"Ooooh!" I gasped, stumbling in place. "I gotta tell the girls about this! Wait until Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom hear about how awesome the Equestrian Marathon is going to be!" I immediately hopped onto my scooter, strapped on a helmet, and buzzed my tiny wings. "This is the greatest thing ever!"

"Just... uh..." Rainbow Dash smiled nervously after me. "...keep it to the clubhouse, huh?"

"I promise!" I hollered back as I zoomed away. "You're so cool, Rainbow Dash!"

After a moment, Rainbow sighed. "... ... ...the whole town's gonna know in less than half-a-week, aren't they?"

"Don't blame the foal," Caramel said. "You're the one who grandstanded the stallion on a stand earlier in front of everypony."

"Hey. He deserved to be cut down a notch. Besides..." Rainbow slicked her mane back with a smile. "...I've been behind on my quota."

"I must admit, it is refreshing to see and hear you get all cocky again."

"Heh..."

"But... Rainbow..." Caramel gazed tenderly at the mare. "You... you really don't have to do all of this." He gulped. "Just for me."

"It's not all just for you."

"Well, you know..." He sighed nervously. "The real me."

"Girl..." Rainbow leaned in, whispering. "This is important for me too. After so many bumps in the road... I gotta get back on a straightaway. I figured... heck... might as well go at it full hog, y'know? Better late than never."

"It's a Marathon, Rainbow, not a final battle of some war."

Rainbow squinted. "The heck does that mean?"

"Just that you're making it sound like some... last hurrah."

Rainbow bit her lip.

"In any case..." Caramel held a hoof over his chest. "I'm super touched. That speech you gave?" He sniffled, smiling sweetly. "If I was any of the other stallions here today... I just bet... I would have wanted to make love to you for month right then and there."

"Yeah, well, if I was any other mare I might giggle, pinch your cheek, and make you hold my purse."

"Rainbowwwww..." Caramel giggled. "You know what I mean." He sighed, gazing at her softly. "Thank you." He gulped. "Even if... y'know..."

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "What?"

He bit his lip.

"What?"

"Just..." Caramel stood up, clearing his throat. "Don't kill yourself, Rainbow Dash. Whatever you do... please... take it easy..." Lost for more words, he stumbled awkwardly away, joining the dispersing cloud.

Rainbow sat alone for a while before she eventually blurted: "What's that supposed to mean? I can handle this!" She stared off at the sunburnt horizon. "I can handle this." She flexed her forelimbs... grimacing. "I can handle this..."

Chariots of Frailty

Th-Thump!

Two bulging saddlebags fell on the grass.

Rainbow Dash exhaled.

She stood on a hilltop, overlooking the open fields northwest of Ponyville proper.

Tossing her mane back, she stood tall, peering across the landscape.

The land sloped downward a bit... but stretched into an open valley with seemingly no obstruction in sight. The edges of Everfree and the other surrounding forests were distant, allowing ample room for stretching her legs.

Rainbow Dash smirked. Leaning forward, she spread her wings wide—

"... ... ..."

Her smirk faded. Swallowing a lump down her throat, she drew in her muscles and forced... forced her wings to coil at her side.

The pegasus suddenly felt ten times more petite. The sky drew away, and a feeble tremble weighed her further and further towards the grassy earth below.

Nevertheless, the mare flexed her limbs... dragged her hooves beneath her, and held her breath.

Then... with a burst of speed...

She galloped.

The mare sailed forward, her ears being greeted with a strange... invigorating sound. That of clopping hooves. Rainbow Dash blinked. Ten seconds passed... twenty... thirty... and she was still sprinting at full speed.

With a wordless expression, she gazed down at her blurring limbs. There was no telling the texture of the earth flying beneath her. She could have been up in the clouds for all she cared.

"Yeah..." She breathed. "Yeah...!" She grinned. "Heheheh...!" Gazing forward, she smirked devilishly. "I still got it!"

Two minutes later...

Thwump! Rainbow fell flat on her belly.

"Ooomf!" She winced as pain wracked her body. A few seconds later, and the ache was swallowed up by a cloud of numbness. "Mrmmmff... guh... wh-what..." Panting for breath, the sweaty pony sat up after much effort. "What... d-did I trip on?" Dumbfounded, she looked at the smoothe earth behind her.

For the life of her, Rainbow couldn't find a single obstruction responsible for flinging her to the ground.

With a blink, the mare stretched her muscles. It was an awkward... wincing affair, but at last she pushed herself back up onto all fours. Huffing... puffing... she turned about, facing the way in which she sprinted.

She gazed uphill.

Her twin saddlebags rested beside one another. The tell-tale glint of a golden goblet beckoned her from afar. Rainbow knew it was only a few dozen meters, but somehow it felt miles away.

"Alright... okay... I just tripped once. That's all." Rainbow gulped, flexing her limbs as she rocked from side to side. "No big deal. A little rusty... but that can happen to anypony." She took a deep breath. "Just pretend... it's the Running of the Leaves again. Yeah. That'll work."

She smiled... held her breath...

...and immediately fell flat on her tummy with the first step.

"Guhh!"

Nothing's Gonna Ever Take You... Down?

"Mrmmmmmgfff..." Rainbow ran and ran and—"Aaack!" The world spun as she spontaneously pratfalled. Wh-Wh-Wh-Whump! "Ooomf!"

At last, she tumbled to a stop against the base of a hill.

Pain rolled through her... then sank into a numb sea.

Wincing, the mare spat grass out of her muzzle and looked up.

Two saddlebags loomed on the top of a hill beneath a setting sun.

"Mrmmfff... grrrrrr..." Growling under her breath, Rainbow shook... quivered... and finally pushed herself back onto all fours.

Wham!

"Ugh!" Rainbow collapsed against the bottom of the hill.

Panting... wincing... she looked up.

The hill cast a shadow over her now. The two saddlebags were dark sihlouettes against a dimming afternoon sky.

"Dang it... it's just a hill!" Resisting the urge to curse, Rainbow struggled... pushing against the earth... against gravity... against all the numbness in between. "Mrmmmgnnnghh-guhhhh!"

At last she stood up... only to teeter backwards.

"Whoah whoah whoah—dang it!"

Thwump!

Rainbow lay limply on her back, her tingling legs curled above her.

Silence.

"... ... ... ...maybe I need a longer start."

Rainbow panted.

Rainbow gritted her teeth.

Her legs jerked and blurred beneath her as—

Stomp!Stomp!Stomp!Stomp!Stomp!

—she hurled herself towards the base of the hill.

"I can make it... I can make it..." She clenched her jaw tight, nostrils flaring as she reached the base of the damnable hill. "Come onnnnnn—!" Her voice mutated into tense squeaks as she fought and struggled against friction and gravity.

The two saddlebags grew closer and closer. Rainbow could almost kiss the alicorn goblet—it was so close.

"Yes..." Rainbow wheezed, her eyes sparkling as the ground soared beneath her. "Yes...!" The grass and the dirt flew past her. "Yes...?" She blinked, gawking as the gained more and more impossible speed. At last—with a forlorn breath—she looked at her sides.

The mare's wings were spread. She reached the top of the hill through subconscious wingpower.

Rainbow drew her feathers in. Plop! She landed anticlimactically beside her last remaining possessions.

The sun was setting.

A dark shadow hung over the valley.

"... ... ..."

Tired... stained with sweat...

...Rainbow slumped down next to her saddlebags. She inhaled and exhaled slowly... her ears drooped.

At last, she reached a tentative hoof towards her bags. She couldn't tell if she was touching them or not; she had to look. Using her eyes has her only means of guiding her numb limb, she drew out one of two massive medicine jugs.

The mare breathed and breathed. She glanced over at where the stage had been erected for the announcement of the Marathon. Then—with a heavy sigh—she fussed and fumbled to get the lid off the mouth of the jug.

She ultimately had to use her teeth.

Pick-Me-Down

"Grffff... mrmmffff..."

Rainbow Dash grunted.

Rainbow Dash sweated.

Rainbow Dash pushed and pushed and pushed against the earth.

After much toil and pain, her muscles were finally able to pick up a rhythm, and she successfully performed push-up after push-up.

"Sixty-two... sixty-three... sixty-f-four... sixty-five... sixty... gnngh... six...!"

Beside her, a jug lay on its side. Completely empty.

A darkening sky hung over the hilltop, casting her and her possessions in a deep shade.

"Sixty-eight... sixty-nine... s-seventy...!" With a grunt, Rainbow Dash coiled and uncoiled her muscles. Th-Thwoosh! She performed an expert backflip, landing on all fours. "Hah! Yeah... oh yeah..." Wiping her brow, she smirked at her fetlocks, then at the empty jug of medicine. "That did it. I'm still in this. Still in it to win it."

Crackling her neck and shoulder muscles, the mare turned about and approached the top of the hill. Taking a deep breath, she coiled her wing-muscles in and spun once again.

"Okay..."

She stared downhill, having to squint due to the surmounting darkness. In just a few hours, it would be nighttime.

"Pick it back up, girl." She trotted forward. "You've got this." She sprinted forward, grinning. "You've so got this!"

Th-Thwump!

"Ooomf!"

Rainbow Dash fell hard, sliding through dirt and grass.

Panting... wincing...

...she got back up—only to collapse again.

"Guh!"

With an aching grimace, the mare rolled backwards until she sat on her haunches, panting. She looked over her shoulder. The first glint of starlight caught the moisture collecting around the lid of the empty medicine jug. Along the east side of the hill, several torn-up clumps of soil marked the spots where Rainbow Dash had repeatedly collapsed during an hour of attempted jogging.

Crickets came to life around her. Owls hooted in the distance.

And Rainbow...

Rainbow held her hooves up in the moonlight. Blink after blink—she could hardly tell they were there. Even the tingling felt like it was miles away.

The mare swallowed a lump down her dry throat. "Awwwwwwww Luna poop."

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Atrophy

Rainbow galloped across a world of darkness and sweat. She felt her heart pounding in her chest—and she focused on it. The mare stressed her mental faculties to the breaking point, attempting to envision the blood circulating through her arteries... every artery. The night was empty, mindless, and wild. She went wild with it.

She couldn't count how many times she had fallen down. The bruises had spread and spread until her whole body was just a big rattling bottle of pain. She held her breath tightly, tightening her lungs in expectation of the next tumble she would take. And she took many falls... many... many falls. Falling on her chest. Sliding on her side. Plopping back on her flank and even a few times where she rolled crazily over her back.

And every time—panting and wincing—she pulled herself back up.

Her hooves merely tingled. The pain only stretched so far. Everything else was a nebulous cloud that confounded her... angered her.

"Rnnnngh... goddess dang it..."

Rainbow Dash gnashed her teeth and kept going. Starlight streaked overhead. She heard the distant howl of timberwolves and attempted to outrun their echo. She failed everytime.

"Ooomf!" Falling to her side, Rainbow Dash struggled to get up again. However, the pain was mind-splitting this time, and she squeaked inwardly like a lost foal. Curling up, she hugged her limbs to her chest—rubbing her fetlocks together in a desperate bid for feeling... any feeling.

She couldn't tell how many hours she had been at it. The moon was never in the same place in the sky each time she checked. Certainly, she had to have been sleepy, exhausted—but there was no telling beyond the consistent pain throbbing through her available senses.

With a wheezing breath, she rolled over until she was lying on her back.

The night sky was broken up by the shapes of branches and windblown leaves. Rainbow Dash couldn't remember having sprinted so close to the forest. It was damnably dark, and for all she knew—she could have been over a mile away from the outskirts of Ponyville... a length achieved through constant stumbling, pratfalling, and rising up to her hooves again.

A fear flickered through her mind: where exactly were her saddlebags? What if someone or some thing had found them—alone and abandoned on the hilltop—and stolen them while Rainbow had been floundering around like a moron?

The fearful notion drove its spurs into the pegasus. Grunting, she struggled once more to get up... and once more she failed.

She lay prone on her back, waiting for anything—be it a timberwolf attack, a lightning bolt, the world opening up to swallow her whole. Anything but tears.

It occurred to Rainbow Dash that she rarely ever got what she wanted. Being incapable of winning it was what absolutely crushed her.

The weight was almost enough to squeeze the tears out. Almost.

Instead, unconsciousness set in, and Rainbow greeted the dark-upon-dark with a relieved whimper...

And was silent.

Another Day, Another Dilemma

Rainbow Dash awoke to a hailstorm.

Her eyes fluttered open, and as soon as her lids moved—she realized that she wasn't being pelted with stones at all. It was just her skin being her skin.

Pain knifed her from every conceivable angle. The bruises from her haphazard attempts at galloping had turned into a shroud of agony that clung to her every curve. As soon as she moved, her muscles screamed.

She greeted this with a jolt to her heart. Feeling something was better than nothing. And despite the grim nature of the situation, it filled her with hope.

Struggling, Rainbow Dash forced herself to sit up. The pain this summoned from her spine was excrutiating, but she weathered it the best she could. She sat in place, collecting her breath, cracking the joints loose and wincing from each exclamatory burst through her nervous system. After the fog of pain faded, she took notice of a rising sun towards the east.

It was morning. Dew clung to the grass and her coat with equal vigor. The cooling moisture was slightly invigorating—at least in the patches of flesh that she still had the full faculty to feel with.

Soon, Rainbow Dash was standing up. She teetered slightly, but managed to keep herself up straight. Instantly, her wings stretched... but she resisted the urge to flap them. If she was going to move about, Rainbow Dash only wanted to do so with the use of her hooves.

It took a long time for her to move about. Nevertheless, with persistent steps, she made her way across a flat stretch of wet grass between trees. Birds chirped in the air, and she heard the first buzz of cicadas waking for the day.

At last, Rainbow Dash found the hilltop where she had began her exercises. Thankfully, her two saddlebags—her only possessions—lay in open view, including the alicorn goblet. Rainbow's eyes settled on the glinting surface of the ancient chalice. The notion of coming so close to losing the only things she possessed was very... humbling. She felt tiny, fragile, and more than a little bit stupid.

It was in somber silence that she trotted up the hill. It hurt her hooves to approach such an angle, which is why she did it anyway. After five minutes of baby steps, Rainbow reached the top. She put the saddlebags on, wincing from the weight. They could have been made of thorns for all she knew.

Nevertheless, she was soon carrying everything that she was. Her tummy rumbled, and she realized that there was no point proceeding on an empty stomach.

So, with humble vigor, she turned around and trotted—more like limped—into the heart of Ponyville under a rising sun.

Sharp!

Several flower stems littered the grassy valley—their petals completely plucked clean.

A few paces over... a second jug of medicine lay—completely empty.

And a dozen more feet from there...

...Rainbow Dash lay slumped on her chest, panting and wheezing for breath.

She paused only to gnash here teeth, gazing across the tall grass.

Ponyville lay in the distance under a hot noonday sun. Its gold-thatched rooftops glistened in the light... like distant stars. Even if she walked—Rainbow knew—it would take an aching eon to get there.

Wincing, she tried to stand up—only to plop back on her haunches. "Ooomf..." Panting for breath, she looked at her forelimbs. Her fetlocks practically dangled from where she held them. It took an epic amount of concentration to get them to even flex at this point.

With a nervous shudder, she looked all around her. The earth had been ripped up from where her heavy hooves struggled—in vain—to get a decent running start. Elsewhere, several fresh potholes remained from where she had fallen multiple times on her belly, back, and flank.

The mare then looked at the empty jug of medicine. Not a drop had been left inside. The more she gazed at it, the more her extremities tingled—as if laughing at her. Rainbow's breaths grew shallower and shallower. She squeaked something—like an exhausted little foal. Her vision fogged and she felt a soreness overwhelming her throat, spreading through her body. The first of many shivers came, and she hugged herself in time to weather an oncoming sob—

"Hey! Rainbow Dash! There you are!"

"...!!!" Rainbow Dash hopped up with a single flap of her wings. Through sheer will power, she managed to land on all fours and not collapse. Her outstretched feathers managed to keep her upright and balanced as she peered aside. "Huh?"

A stallion touched down, grinning. "Training super hard, huh?"

Rainbow sniffled, but hid it with a smug expression. "Uhhh... Sharp Quill?"

"Pfft!" He shrugged. "What'd you expect? A griffon with a metal beak?"

"Rrnnngh..." Rainbow Dash attempted to smooth her bangs back. Her numb hoof slapped her forehead in the process. "If that's a reference to something, I'm too friggin' tired to care."

"Well, that wouldn't surprise me!" Sharp Quill smirked. "I heard you signed up for the Equestrian Marathon!" His teeth showed. "Right after you gave that moron in a blue suit a severe tongue-lashing!"

"Uhhhhh..." Rainbow winced. "Yeahhhhhhhh..." Her ears twitched. "Exactly... how many ponies in Ponyville know about that?"

"Why shouldn't they?" Sharp Quill chuckled. "You're the pride of the town! About time someone showed up that windbagged blowhard!"

"Yes, well..." Rainbow shuddered, nearly teetering over. "I'm not a fan of mega-jerks."

"Heh... yeah." Sharp Quill winked. "Too bad he's not the one doing the running, huh?"

Rainbow froze in place, her cold blood running colder. "...what's that supposed to mean?"

"Well... heh... only that it's Brick Lesneigh whom you'll be competing against. Sure won't be a walk in the park."

"Yeah, and...?" Rainbow glared.

"You've got your work cut out for you, that's for sure—" Sharp Quill suddenly found himself bending back from an intimidating growl.

"Are you saying that I haven't got what it takes to challenge that thick-skulled moron head-on?!" Rainbow snarled.

"Huh?" Sharp Quill blinked. "Of c-course not! Just saying that it's a superbig challenge!"

"So what? I can't step it up and beat that living mountain at his own game?!" Rainbow barked.

"N-no, Rainbow..." Sharp Quill grimaced, lifting a hoof. "Quite the opposite! It's... r-really quite inspirational! Heck, I just signed up today so I can... y'know... sorta team-up with you and the rest of the runners!" He gulped. "Why are you so ticked off all of the sudden—?"

"I said that I could beat Brick Lesneigh and that's what I'm gonna do!" Rainbow thundered, her nostrils flaring. "You think I'm some sort of weak pony who's gonna let Ponyville down after all she's promised?! Huh?! You think I wanna leave my lasting legacy as a has-been?!"

"I... d-didn't say any of—" Sharp Quill blinked hard. "Yeesh, Rainbow... what's wrong with you today?"

"The only thing wrong with me is that I hadn't committed hard enough! But that changes here and now!" She huffed and puffed. "Screw Brick Lesneigh and screw you! I ain't afraid of nothing. If Brick Lesneigh thinks he's such a badflank—he doesn't know what he has coming! I'm gonna kick his flank so hard at this running competition that it'll put every sonic rainboom I've ever made to shame!" She flapped her wings harder, lifting up. "See that I don't!" FWOOOOOOSH! In a thunderous streak, she rocketed towards the heart of town.

Sharp Quill lingered in place, reeling. "Jeez louise..." He shuddered, standing evenly. "What crawled into her butt and grew branches?" Just as he said that, he nearly tripped on something. The stallion glanced down, spotting two empty jugs. His muzzle dropped as his brow furrowed curiously. In a nervous stupor, he gazed sky-high. "Rainbow...?"

Inside the Town Hall building...

An elderly volunteer sat at a table marked "Equestrian Marathon Sign-Ups." She yawned, scribbling words and numbers across a checksheet.

Thump!

Startled, the mare jolted in her seat. She looked up to see a heavy bit bag lying on the table before her—its canvas edges still settling. "Uhhhhhh..." She looked up over the bag. "Can I help you?"

"You sure can." Rainbow hovered in place, nostrils flaring. "I've come to donate to the Equestrian Marathon."

"Uhhhm..." The elder mare shifted nervously. "But—Miss Dash... is it? You've already signed up... and donated."

Rainbow frowned. "Well I've come to donate more."

Meanwhile...

Knock Knock Knock!

Vinyl's head bobbed and bobbed. Her horn glowed, turning one of several knobs on an elaborate sound board in front of her.

Knock Knock Knock Knock!

Vinyl licked her lips, ears twitching to a beat as she continued to bob in place. Her hooves swept over a turntable, flipping another record in place.

Knock knock knock knock knock knockkkkk!

"...?" Vinyl froze in place. She sat up straight... finally lowering the headphones from her skull. Arching an eyebrow over her shades, she spun around in her desk chair, landed on the floor, then trotted across her apartment.

At last, she reached the door and opened it. A light-brown hoof nearly punched her with how heavily it was about to knock.

"Eeep!" Caramel jumped back with a gasp. Holding a hoof over his delicate chest, the stallion breathed. "Vinyl! Somehow, I knew you were home! How'd you finally hear my knocking?"

"The moment I realized that there was no annoying thumping sound in the middle of a Lady Gallop studio mix." The unicorn's white brow furrowed. "What's the matter? You're so breathless. Is there a clearance at Carousel Boutique again?"

Caramel gulped. "No, Vinyl. This is serious."

"Ah. A going-out-of-business-sale, then?"

"Vine!" Caramel stomped his hoof, pouting. "It's Rainbow Dash! I think something's wrong..."

"Hrmmmf..." Vinyl leaned back, forelimbs crossed. "Care to be more specific?"

"Well, she joined the Equestrian Marathon yesterday..."

"Somehow, I figured she would."

"But... I-I get the feeling she isn't in the right... health for that."

"Physically or mentally?"

"Uhm... b-both?" Caramel grimaced. "She was carrying saddlebags full of random stuff. At first, I didn't really understand what for... or think about it twice for that matter. I mean... it isn't like the mare to shop."

"Compared to your standard, it isn't like anypony."

"Anyways, I got worried about her. So I thought I'd stop by her place and pay a visit. But... uhm..." Caramel fumbled for words.

"What?" Vinyl cocked her head aside. "Just get to the point already."

"Do... cloud homes tend to move?"

"Uhm... no." Vinyl shook her head. "At least, I don't think so. But I'm no expert on pegasus real estate."

"Vinyl... it's... it's g-gone," Caramel stammered.

"What's gone?"

"Rainbow Dash's house."

"... ... ..."

Caramel's ears drooped worriedly.

Without a word, Vinyl stepped out of her apartment and locked the door behind her. She marched off at a brisk pace.

Caramel blinked after the mare. "Wh-where are you going?"

"Show me," Vinyl grunted. "I need to see this for myself."

"Uh... s-sure thing!" Caramel stumbled after her.

"Somehow..." Vinyl shuddered, trotting down the street. "...I get the feeling we all should have seen this coming."

Laugh Track Goes Here

The doorbell rang.

Humming...

Soft... fuzzy hoofsteps...

Bon Bon opened the apartment door, smiling. "Moshi moshi?" Her eyes twitched. "Oh... you're not the three o'clock masseuse, are you?"

"I'm afraid not," Vinyl droned.

Caramel stuck his head into the doorframe. "Hi, Bon Bon!" He waved with a smile. "I'm here too!"

"Caramel's here too," Viny said.

"Wow! Vinyl!" Bon Bon said loudly out the side of her muzzle. "Caramel! Fancy seeing the two of you here! Visiting! At the front door!"

"Bon Bon, we need to talk to you and Lyra."

"What? Me and Lyra?" Bon Bon laughed squeakily. "Silly musicians! Lyra isn't here!"

"Uhm..." Caramel blinked. "I'm not a musician—"

"Why would you—Caramel and Vinyl Scratch—think that Lyra would be here? She's just a friend! A friend who isn't here!"

"Bon Bon, even if she did try to throw herself out the bedroom window, it's over a fifteen foot drop to the street below," Vinyl said. "Give it up, will you? We've got to talk to the both of you. Now."

"Heheh... Vinyl, you cr-crack me up..." Bon Bon pretended not to swipe away the fresh beads of sweat forming on her brow. "...as if Lyra would ever... ever hang out here without the rest of you girls—"

Lyra trotted into the foyer wearing a bath towel. "Dammit, BB... what do I have to tell you about getting your goddess-damned fruit cereal colored furs strands stuck in my Dream Valley Spring soap—?" She stumbled to a stop, beady eyes locked on the front door. "Awwwwww shit nuggets."

"Ughhhhhhh..." Bon Bon deflated into a face-hoof. "Lyraaaaaa..."

"Damn..." Vinyl's eyes narrowed behind her shades. "It's barely been a week. You two are already that far in?"

"Oh come off it, carpet stain," Lyra droned. "Like you would be such an expert."

"Hmm... touche." Vinyl calmly looked at Bon Bon again. "Anyways, let us in. We need to talk."

"Errrrm..." Bon Bon cuddled the doorframe, hiding her violently blushing mane behind a futile bang of mane hair. "C-can't you see that we're... mmmm... b-busy?"

"From the looks of it... cleaning up from the last time you were," Lyra said.

"Dream Valley Spring...?" Caramel's jaw dropped. "Isn't that—like—super cheap?"

"Hey..." Lyra shrugged. "Not every girl gets her groove on to lavender, princess. Would you kindly mind taking a step back from the door? I know this is an affair to remember, but only between the loins that I choose, thank you very munchkin—"

"Rainbow Dash has dissolved her home," Vinyl firmly said. "And now—from the sound of things—she's about to kill herself over a bucking Marathon." She took a deep breath. "Now are we gonna do something about it or what?"

Lyra and Bon Bon exchanged glances. The unicorn tossed her towels off. "Buck it. Get your asses in here."

"Uh huh." Vinyl stepped in.

"Uhm..." Caramel trotted inside. "Where can I sit?"

"Anywhere that isn't moist," Lyra belched.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand..." Caramel turned around. "Back out I go." Vinyl's magic tugged him back in. "Eeep!"

Mission: Petite Pegasus Down

Bon Bon sat down, placing a tray of sweets on the table before her and her friends. "She sold her home?"

"Yes? Maybe? I-I don't know..." Caramel fidgeted where he sat. "All I know is... when I last saw Rainbow Dash... she was carrying two saddlebags just... full of things!"

"Yeah?" Lyra continued drying her mane with a towel. "What kind of things?"

"Rainbow Dash things!" Caramel shrugged. "It's way more than I'm used to seeing her carry. And... and then I started pondering about that. And—like—the next day I go to her home to pay her a visit... but... th-the house is gone."

"And..." Lyra gazed aside. "...you're so certain that an evaporation machine was used to zap RD's house into thin air?" A blink. "Or in this case thick air?"

"Absolutely." Vinyl nodded. "I'm quite sure of it."

"But... but why do this?" Bon Bon remarked. "And then why turn around and go join the Equestrian Marathon when you're essentially homeless?"

"She's Rainbow Dash," Vinyl droned. "Need I say more?"

"Mmmmmmmmmm..." Lyra fluffed her mane for the last time and tossed the towel over a nearby sofa. "...you don't suppose a certain frecklepone is the inspiration for all this bullshit?"

"I don't see how," Caramel said. "Applejack hasn't even come close to the center of Ponyville lately... much less to join any marathons." He blinked across the table. "That mare's been keeping to herself lately... holed up at Sweet Apple Acres and everything. At least, that's what Golden Harvest has been telling me. Turns out she and that one stallion dude from the weather commission didn't hit it off after all. Rumor abound, y'know."

"Great," Lyra muttered. "It's spreading."

"Let's not get off track," Vinyl said, waving a hoof. "Whatever's happening to Rainbow Dash is happening to her. Alone." She peered across the room. "Whatever's possessed her into getting rid of her home, it's somehow not enough to get her to leave town."

"Sounds to me like she's on the fence about this whole decision," Bon Bon said.

"When is she not?" Vinyl remarked. "And—quite frankly—I think we've been bad friends for not looking into it sooner."

"Bad friends?" Lyra scoffed. "We took her on a damn vacation, didn't we? One that she ditched us on about halfway through, might I add."

"And how have you both been since we came back from that vacation, hmmm?" Vinyl raised an eyebrow. "Had any trouble getting back to your jobs? The careers that you own?"

Lyra and Bon Bon glanced aside, fidgeting.

"Plus..." Vinyl sighed. "...I tried telling you before. Rainbow ran into Listing. I dunno if you two were too busy locking lips with one another to take notice... but our feathered blue friend has had an awful lot to meditate on as of late. And despite our better hopes, she's likely not going about it the healthy way."

"Tell us something we don't know," Lyra muttered.

"Okay..." Caramel took a deep breath. "Did you know that Rainbow openly and vocally challenged Brick Lesneigh right after signing up for the Marathon?"

"Pfft! That living locomotive of an oaf?!" Lyra's muzzle scrunched. "No offense to Rainbow Dash, but she'd have better luck outrunning a tornado while wearing stilts."

"She's pitting herself up against Brick Lesneigh?!" Bon Bon grimaced. "And boasting about it?"

"Yeah... even challenged his manager to a shouting match," Caramel said.

"Yeesh... it's almost as if she's committing social suicide," Lyra droned.

"Yeah," Vinyl exhaled. "Imagine that."

The room was dead silent.

"Okay... let's not all p-panic," Bon Bon murmured. "If... if you were a maladjusted pegasus over-achiever who just lost her home... where would you be at a time like this?"

"How can we be expected to know that?" Caramel winced. "She's Rainbow Dash. She can be anywhere the sky is, for all she cares!"

"Knowing her, she's probably working herself to the bone to prepare for this disaster," Vinyl said.

"Look... I think it's really simple, you dumbasses," Lyra grunted. "Where do any of us... any of us miserable morons really want to be when our bit bags can afford it?"

"Las Pegasus?" Bon Bon remarked.

"The Boutique?" Caramel's eyelashes fluttered.

"Okay... let me rephrase that." Lyra leaned forward. "When our livers can afford it?"

Silence.

"Well..." Vinyl shrugged and stood up. "What the Hell." She was the first to head for the door. "Worse case scenario, we can get drunk off our worried butts."

The door to the bar opened with a jingle.

"Hey!" Caramel blinked, smiling in spite of himself. "They replaced the glass on the door! Huh... who'd a thunk—"

"Shhhhhh!" Lyra insisted, stepping forward with Vinyl as the two peered into the establishment. "Keep your eyes peeled."

"Guh..." Bon Bon nervously trotted in behind them. "This is creepy."

"What?" Caramel blinked aside. "It's just the bar."

"Yes... but I'm not used to being here this early," Bon Bon said. "It's so bright out." She fidgeted. "You can see the grime... and cockroaches."

"Actually, I show up early here all the time," Vinyl said.

"What?" Caramel blinked. "To drink?"

"No. Just to relax and write music."

"I seriously doubt that Rainbow's come here to relax," Bon Bon said. "Assuming she's here at all."

"Lyra?" Caramel asked. "You see her?"

Lyra exhaled with a shudder. "No." Her ears drooped. "False alarm, I guess." She turned to the other mares. "I dunno about you, but I'm actually kinda relieved—"

A stallion trotted up from the far end of the establishment. "You... uh... you fillies looking for somepony?"

The group blinked at him.

"I dunno, barkeep," Lyra droned. "Should we?"

"Yes." The stallion frowned. "You should."

Right as he said this, the ponies heard a fumbling of hooves. A body meatedly stumbled through the restroom door... then proceeded to hobble haphazardly towards a familiar booth in a corner of the bar. A blue pegasus—covered in bruises and welts—crawled onto a seat after much struggle and dug her fuzzy muzzle into a mug of cider.

Caramel and Bon Bon winced.

"So..." Vinyl took a deep breath. "...how long has she been here?"

"She showed up about six vomits ago," the stallion said.

"Ahhhhhhhh great," Lyra grunted.

"This isn't normal. Even for her," the barkeeper continued. "I hope you gals are here to talk some sense into the mare. If not... then for my bathrooms' sake... I kindly ask that you get her to take her troubles elsewhere." With a sigh, he shuffled off. "Not worth the bits. Not at this rate."

The friends exchanged glances.

"What?" Lyra waved at Vinyl. "You first, social justice wubber!"

"Gnnnngh..." Vinyl adjusted her shades and trotted ahead of the group. "...this should be fun."

The Dashes of Our Lives

Vinyl Scratch trotted up to the booth in her sights... hesitated... then ultimately resorted to dragging a chair over from another table. The rest of the mares crowded anxiously behind her as she sat down and leaned forward.

"So... uh..." Vinyl's voice rasped. "Wetting your whistle rather early, huh?"

"Mrmmmff..." Rainbow didn't look over. The pegasus took a sip of her cider, then muttered out the side of her muzzle: "Am I dead yet?"

Vinyl blinked through her shades. She looked back at Caramel, Bon Bon, and Lyra. She glanced at Rainbow again, shaking her head. "No. You're not."

"Then early is early enough," Rainbow grumbled, then took another sip.

Vinyl bit her lip.

Clearing her throat, Bon Bon spoke up: "So... uh... we heard from Caramel that you entered the Equestrian Marathon!" She bore a fragile smile. "That sounds pretty... exciting! No doubt you'll do all of Ponyville pr—"

"Look, if I want the company, I'll ask for it," Rainbow Dash hissed, her wingtips bristling. "Now will you kindly buzz off?"

"I..." Bon Bon leaned back, ears drooping. "I-I was only trying t-to... compliment you, Rainbow Dash—"

"Rainbow, your home is gone," Vinyl spoke bluntly, making Caramel and Bon Bon flinch.

Rainbow's jaw muscles tightened, but she didn't say anything.

"It's vanished completely. Gobbled up by an evaporation machine, from the looks of it." Vinyl glanced at a pair of saddlebags lying beside Rainbow's booth. "All that was inside has vanished without a trace... unless you might happen to be carrying your last possessions with you at the moment."

"I'm not poor and bitless, if that's what you're wondering," Rainbow muttered. She took another sip. "...still got room for a few more drinks."

Caramel winced.

"Rainbow, what we're wondering is what happened to you," Vinyl said.

"Yes, Rainbow." Bon Bon nodded. "One moment, you were relaxing with us on a vacation to Las Pegasus... and suddenly you're out on the street?"

"Yeah... funny thing about being out on the street," Rainbow slurred, resisting the urge to hiccup. "You gotta... mrmmm... m-mind your manners. Can't get away with just anything." Her eye darted halfway towards Bon Bon. "How's the acoustics at home now that you've got a musician attached to your butt?"

Bon Bon blushed furiously.

"Now Rainbow, can't you see we're concerned about you?" Caramel remarked. "This... is pretty scary." He gulped. "Even for you. I... I really don't need all of that Marathon winnings, y'know. Especially if it means you... falling apart like this—"

"I've fallen apart before," Rainbow Dash muttered. "This ain't the same. Hic! Believe me." She took another sip, staring forward, bleary-eyed. "I've fallen apart in ways that the whole bunch of you couldn't even begin to imagine. Ever been to death and back? Twice?"

The ponies blinked. They exchanged confused, worried glances.

"Uhm... no?" Bon Bon squeaked.

"Believe me." Rainbow's nostrils flared. "I've never been more free. Now... will you please scram?" A shuddering sigh. "I'm not exactly awesome company right now."

"What, you and the toilet?" Vinyl droned.

"Stand a little closer and you'll find out soon enough."

Silence.

"Alright..." Lyra droned, suddenly scooting in next to Rainbow Dash. "Buck this." She waved a hoof in the air. "Give me a tall one. Anything that foams."

"Lyraaaaa..." Bon Bon hissed nervously.

"I... don't think that's a good idea," Caramel whispered.

"Listen to your marefriends," Rainbow burped. "This table's only for drinking ponies."

"I know. Which is why I'm getting a drink." Lyra gestured once more to the barkeep. "After all, that's how we always do it, right?"

"Mrmmmfff..." Rainbow stared into her mug.

"You know..." Lyra smirked. "You don't look half bad for a mare who's done several porcelain confessionals this morning."

"Don't you know better than to stick your muzzle into another... Hic!... m-mare's business?"

"Heh... believe me..." Lyra waggled her eyebrows. "Over the past week or so? I've stuck my muzzle in far... danker places."

"Mrmmfff..." Bon Bon slumped down in a chair, sighing. "Better get me a tall one too."

Lyra sipped and sipped from a tall glass of ale.

Bon Bon and Vinyl gingerly grasped their own containers, squirming anxiously.

Caramel stared nervously into a bowl of pineapple slices. All uneaten.

Rainbow Dash sat with slumped shoulders, gazing dead ahead into empty space.

Lyra finished sipping. She beat a hoof over her chest, swallowed a burp, and smiled crookedly. "Say, Rainbow, did I ever tell you about my mom?"

"Only about the day she died," Rainbow muttered. "And how you spent the whole following week celebrating in Mareami."

"Alright..." Lyra swung a hoof through the air. "Rewind a bit." She cleared her throat, then slowly turned the glass around in her fetlock as she spoke into the air above the table. "When I was super young, Mama Heartstrings wanted to make a star out of me. Naturally, she felt my talent would be musical. And she was right. I had a talent for making harmony and I truly enjoyed it. Just... I wasn't obsessed with it as she was—or at least I wasn't obsessed with it to the degree in which she was... or wished to be obsessed with it... through me." Coughing, she continued. "Anywhores... Mom helped shape me into the stuffy, boring, bitter music theorist that I am today. She wanted something different, really. She wanted me to be a famous violinist... cellist... one of those -ist things. But more than that, she wanted my name in lights... sprawling across the skyscrapers of Manehattan or the towers of Canterlot. And... now get this..." A bittersweet smile. "She wanted me to represent progressive Equestrian culture. What did that involve, you ask? Well, in her esteemed opinion, it meant my falling in love with a stallion, getting legally married, and raising at least two foals. Maybe three. I guess she had... visions of me and my future-husband-to-be attending elegant dinners and ballroom dances in between my high profile on stage performances, or some such. Her grandfoals would be posing in little suits before the camera... smiling before the glitz and glam and everything... meh..."

Lyra took a long sip, exhaled, and paused a bit before continuing.

"Anyways, never mind the fact that I didn't want anything to do with stallions... never mind that only one in every... what is it... six mares are born with an amorous desire for the opposite sex." She gulped. "Never mind the fact that I really... totally sucked at plucking strings... and was only good at composing. Never mind all of that and a bowl of rice. She had to get her way, dammit. She had to live her life through me. She got angry at me for not playing along, and I got angry at her for getting angry at me. And—over time—that anger grew thick... grew solid... grew into a damned ugly wall that rose higher and higher between the two of us until one day... she suffered an aneuyrsm out of nowhere and friggin' croaked. And I celebrated the fact."

Rainbow Dash simply stared into her glass. Nevertheless, her ears twitched as Lyra leaned forward to murmur:

"Did I ever mention that I almost didn't come back from that one week in Mareami?"

"Mrmmmfff..." Rainbow sipped and muttered. "What? Did a shark bite at you?"

"No." Lyra shook her head. "The last night I was there, I spent three hours at the edge of a hotel balcony's railing."

Vinyl and Caramel sharply looked over.

Bon Bon took a deep breath, head hung.

"That's right." Lyra nodded. "Only one other soul knows about this before today. A soul whom... I've been lucky enough to vent with in a place with... proper acoustics. If you catch my drift."

"There a point to all of this?" Rainbow Dash muttered.

"Yes, you tipsy douche canoe. There is." Lyra's brow furrowed. "In a brief moment of painful clarity, I realized that I had wasted my entire young adulthood carving my pathetic life into a sharp dagger to stab into my mother's heart at any and all opportunity." She shrugged. "Instead of just trying to... move on like a sane pony. Or—even better—getting over my pain and bitterness and just trying to embrace her as the mother she was... in spite of her arrogance." Lyra's nostrils flared. "She was gone. She was gone... and I would never... ever get to know or understand the mare who foaled me. It was too late." She gulped. "Far too late... and all I'd ever have to go on from there to eternity was the putrid fascimile of a dysfunctional relationship that my anger and resentment had forged."

Lyra took a bitter sip and sighed.

"...if there was no such thing as stubbornness, we'd all only die once in life. Instead... existence is... an absurd minefield of murder. I didn't jump off that balcony that night, but I was no less dead inside. It's taken a long... long time to put the semblance of a heart back together inside of me. And, I'll tell you this, I haven't done it alone. No-shit-siree."

Rainbow huffed, tilting her mug until the last few drops of cider fell into her muzzle. "Mfff... well... to die even once, you gotta be alive to begin with."

"Spoken like a true high schooler," Lyra grumbled. "The point of this whole soap opera special is this, Rainbow." She stared at her friend. "For some of us, it's still not too late."

Rainbow's ears drooped as her companions looked on.

"You might feel helpless. You might even feel friendless. But you're still you." Lyra smiled tiredly. "The loyal and brash Rainbow Dash. You've got your wings... you've got some bits on you. And you're here in Ponyville... with ponies who care about you... who can not only stop you from taking a stupid leap... but can help put the pieces back together." She brought her glass to her lips as she exhaled one more time. "It's not too late... to harness your stubbornness and turn it into something awesome... instead of murderous..."

The air above the table was quiet. Every mare present simply assumed that Rainbow Dash was spending the time digesting Lyra's words. As soon as her muttering words scratched their ears, they sat and listened in abject silence.

"That's gotta really suck, Lyra," Rainbow droned. "To lose touch with a mare who treated you so disrespectfully for as long as you knew each other."

"Yeah, well..." Lyra shrugged with a bitter smirk. "It was only as long as I've been alive, but who's counting? Heh..."

"You know how often my dear old dad expressed his disappointment in me?"

Lyra blinked. Her eyes trailed off the lid of her empty glass. "Uhhhhhh—"

"Trick question," Rainbow grunted. Her ears drooped back as her bleary-eyed gaze turned into a hard frown. "He never said anything mean or nasty or uncool." The pegasus' blue nostrils flared. "The old stallion always... always believed in me. When the going got tough, he told me super awesome things to motivate me. He carried me on his shoulders... patted my back... encouraged me to be the best I could ever be." She sipped from an empty cider mug—if only to perform the gesture. "He believed in me when nopony ever did. He was loyal to everypony around him, and he never... ever forced anypony into doing stuff they didn't feel was right. And you know what happened to him?"

Lyra merely bit her lip.

"He died, Lyra." Rainbow's hard eyes sliced across her friends. "He was the best... most awesome stallion there ever was. And life decided to reward him by draining all the strength out of his limbs and numbing his heart until it could beat no more." Her teeth showed as she snarled, "Sinner or saint... sometimes the world just doesn't care if you have the heart of the champion. Sometimes life just wants to watch you bleed on the side of the road until you haven't got the strength to move or gallop... or fl-fly..."

"Rainbow..." Bon Bon leaned forward with a sigh. "...what happened to your dad was unfortunate—"

"Unfortunate?!?" Rainbow snapped. "It totally sucked ass—is what! Don't sugar coat a tragedy, ya melon fudge! Just because your mane is two-toned doesn't mean you gotta be two-faced as well!"

"Hey!" Lyra frowned, swiveling to face Rainbow. "She was only trying to express her compassion. No need to be a douchebag about it!"

"Lyra—" Vinyl hummed.

"And why not?!" Rainbow hiccuped, then snarled: "Being nice hasn't gotten me anywhere! Being loyal certainly hasn't paid my bills!" She waved a limp hoof through the air. "Believing in love and following—HIC—my flippin' heart hasn't gotten me jack! In the end... I'm just a slightly bluer shadow of my dear old stallion! But I'll be darned if I give up my wings for it! So you can just take your—HIC—sob stories about running the good race versus giving up and just... just... stick it someplace that isn't—HIC—fuzzy!"

"Is that what this is about, Rainbow?" Caramel asked, trembling. "The condition that you've inherited? Rainbow, if undergoing an operation to save your limbs will keep you alive—then by all means, go for it! We won't love you any less for not being able to fly—"

"It's not about flying or not fl-flying, you... you... parasol!" Rainbow sputtered, pointing off-angle towards Caramel. "I made a promise, dang it! And I'm going to keep to it!" She hunched over and grumbled into her cider mug. "I'm going to win you the money for that stupid operation! Even if it kills me!"

"But we don't want you to kill yourself over it, Rainbow!" Caramel sputtered. "Don't you get it?! We'd rather you get better! My operation can wait!"

"Mrmmmfff... it's too late now," Rainbow grumbled. "I've gone for broke."

"Huh?"

"Mrmmmff... threw in... HIC... all of it."

"All of what?"

"Life's savings..." Rainbow belched, wiping her chin. "Well... aside from—y'know—the essentials." She dropped another coin onto the counter and waved towards the bartender from afar. "Another cider! On the double!"

By now, Caramel had paled several snow-white shades.

Bon Bon and Lyra exchanged gaping expression.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh boy..." Vinyl face-hoofed, slumping back in her seat. "...we're in it now."

"You did what?!?" Caramel's voice cracked.

"Don't worry..." Rainbow muttered, slumped in her seat. "I'll win it all back."

"No you will not!" Caramel stammered.

"Jee. Thanks for the vote of confidence." Rainbow glared across the bar. "Where's my drink?!?"

"Rainbow Dash, you need help!" Caramel frowned. "You've done nothing this past year but deny yourself the things you need to get better! To feel better! And as your friends, we've..." He sniffled. "We've stood idly by and just let you self-destruct! Well we're not going to let you take the final plunge!"

"We're not?" Bon Bon blinked.

"No! We're not!" Caramel's teeth showed. "Did any of you even listen just a few seconds ago?! She gave up her life's savings! She's homeless and helpless!"

"I've risen up from worse depths before," Rainbow muttered. "Not that you'd know a thing or two about that."

"Do you hear yourself right now?" Vinyl remarked. "I'm sorry, but it's getting harder and harder to sympathize with somepony so pigheaded and moronic." She stood up, horn glowing. "Time to go, Rainbow."

The pegasus grunted as she felt herself being tugged towards Vinyl with magenta magic. "The hay are you doing—?"

"Taking you far far away from this watering hole," Vinyl said, hissing with the effort.

"Vinyl, darling..." Bon Bon fidgeted. "Maybe you're going about this the wrong—"

"Let go of me..." Rainbow slurred.

"A cold shower and a cup of coffee will do you good," Vinyl said. "Come on, Rainbow. We'll finish this conversation once you're sober."

"Vinyl..." Lyra held a hoof out, sweating. "Uhm..."

"I said..." Rainbow gnashed her teeth and flung her wings out. "...leave me alone!" FWOOOSH!

The sheer gust of air knocked Vinyl backwards. "Guh!" She fell hard, the back of her head colliding with the edge of a nearby table. Wh-Whack!

"Vinyl!" Caramel shrieked, then rushed down by her side.

"Grffff..." Vinyl winced, her shades sliding down her nose. A trickle of blood ran down from her scalp. "...oye... that's a loud r-ringing sound..."

"Just stay still, Vine!" Caramel insisted, bracing her shoulders. "We're gonna have somepony come look at that!" He called to the front of the bar. "Go fetch Nurse Redheart—!"

"And what good has that pony ever done anyone?" Rainbow hiccuped.

Vinyl, Caramel, and the others looked up.

Rainbow floated close to the ceiling, eyes blinking thinly. "Mrmmmff... only ponies... who ever want to help m-me just want to drain me of all m-my awesomeness..." She mumbled. "I don't n-need... mrmmfff... any of you guys to get the j-job done..."

"Oh? Oh really?" Caramel frowned behind fresh tears. "You don't need any of us to be a big flippin' jerk?! Well, what a b-big surprise, Rainbow!" He bit his lip, shaking.

Lyra and Bon Bon stared with wide eyes.

Rainbow blinked. Her eyes watered for a moment, but she chased the moisture away with a firm blink and an even firmer glare. "Grffff... what do you know? Ya ninny..." FWOOOOSH! She exited the establishment in a blink, even making the bartender flinch.

The group stood in numb silence after her departure.

Caramel sighed, hanging his head to gaze at the floor. The bartender rushed over with a washcloth bundled around cold ice. "Here. Use this," he hoofed it to Caramel. "I'm... uh... I'm going to go fetch somepony from Ponyville Central. You gals got this place while I'm gone?"

"Don't worry, dude," Lyra droned. "We won't run you dry."

"Cool... uh... b-be right back." And the stallion galloped off.

Caramel sat at Vinyl's side, applying the cold press to her forehead. "Just... just sit still. You're going to be alright."

"Mrmmmff... tell my skull that," Vinyl muttered.

"Anything else you need, Vine?" Bon Bon asked nervously.

"Mmmm..." Vinyl's nostrils flared as she squinted past her own blood. "...could use a tall bottle of vodka."

"Wait for the funeral, girl," Lyra said, her dull eyes plastered to the booth.

In her drunken fury, Rainbow had left her only possessions on the seat.

Nurse Redheart leaned in, closely examining Vinyl's scalp. Squinting, she reached back into her medical bag and applied the last of many, many bandages. Caramel, Bon Bon, Lyra, and the bartender watched from several feet away.

"Well...?" Vinyl sat in a chair, tilting her head towards the physician. She winced only once or twice. "How bad is it, Doc? Are you going to have to take the leg?"

Nurse Redheart sighed. "Well, it's going to need some stitches. But you don't seem to be suffering a concussion."

"Hey, what do you know!" Lyra managed a smirk. "You've got a thick skull after all, Vine."

"Not really," Vinyl muttered, wincing under another bandage. "Just... mrmmmf... one too many tours in Chicacolt."

"Okay... I've stopped the bleeding," Nurse Redheart said. "Do you feel like you can walk?"

"Most definitely."

"Good. Follow me back to Ponyville Central." Nurse Redheart led the unicorn towards the front entrance. A fiery sunset bathed the outside world in amber light. "I should be able to get you properly stitched up there."

"Thanks, Doc."

"Uhm... Nurse Redheart?" Caramel took a nervous step forward. "What about Rainbow Dash?"

Nurse Redheart grunted. "What about her?"

Bon Bon winced.

After a sigh, the medical pony looked back from where she trotted hoof-in-hoof with Vinyl. "I'm sorry... but I've already given that pegasus more than a fair share of educated advice. She chose long ago to go the hard route... and this is the result of that." She held the door open for Vinyl and exited after her. "At this point... she should really be seeing a different kind of doctor..."

"Take care of yourself, Vinyl!" Bon Bon called out.

"Way ahead of that. Ow ow ow..." Vinyl winced as she hobbled after Nurse Redheart, leaving beyond the vantage point of the other three friends.

Bon Bon bit her lip.

The barkeeper sighed. "Well... nothing's damaged here, at least. And none of the blood got on the floor." He glanced over at the others. "I see no reason to close. So... uhm..." He cleared his throat. "You're all welcome to stay and hang out." His brow furrowed. "So long as you-know-who doesn't show up again." And he trotted off behind the bar counter.

The remaining three fidgeted in place.

"I think I lost my thirst," Bon Bon muttered.

"Lucky you." Lyra rubbed the back of her neck. "I think I pissed out my liver an hour ago."

"What..." Caramel turned to glance at Rainbow's belongings. "...what about Rainbow's stuff?"

"Jee, I dunno." Lyra frowned. "Any good bonfires around town?"

"Lyraaaaaa..." Bon Bon chided.

"Yeah, and what?!" Lyra flung her forelimbs. "What's left to defend that stupid blue turd for?! We came here to talk some sense into her and look what she did to Vinyl!"

"It... was the passion of the moment," Bon Bon muttered.

"Yeah, well, tell her to take it out on diamond dogs or dragons or something," Lyra spat. "That's the only thing Rainbow Dash is good at anymore, isn't it? Going on long stupid adventures and being a meatheaded butt kicker? Heh... it's a sad state of existence when she runs out of things to kick!"

"I... don't think she's ever going to run out of herself," Caramel remarked.

"And you!" Lyra pointed. "Get off her teats already! You heard what she called you! Why are you sticking out for the drunken moron?"

"Because..." Caramel sniffled. "Because..."

"Caramel..." Bon Bon rested a hoof on the stallion's shoulder. "Rainbow is confused, angry, and—worst of all—aimless. Please... you don't have to pity her just because she chose to make a huge, unrealistic donation and claim to be doing it in your interest."

Caramel looked back. "Rainbow's our friend... and after that vacation we foalnapped her on... don't you think she's also our responsibility?"

Bon Bon fumbled for words. She looked back at Lyra.

Lyra had her head hung.

"Well...?" Caramel blinked.

"...we're not friends of Rainbow Dash," Lyra said.

Bon Bon turned to look at Lyra.

The musician sighed. "... ... ...friends would have done something for her ages ago. But us?" She blew out the side of her muzzle. "Face it. We're just drinking buddies. The slightly less depressing appendix to her Listing Breeze phase." She trotted over to a booth and sat in a slump. "Rainbow ditched her. Might as well let her ditch us too. Not like we're worthy anymore... or ever were." And she was silent... even as Bon Bon slid in and sat beside the mare, leaning her head on Lyra's shoulder.

Caramel stared at the two. As the silence persisted, tears formed in his eyes. Sniffling, he glanced back at the bulging saddlebags left beside an empty seat.

The last rays of a sunset kissed the treetops and the gently lapping waters of a brook surrounding a quaint cottage. Soft hoofsteps shuffled up the winding garden path. At last, a trembling fetlock knocked on the front door.

Seconds passed...

Nearly a minute...

The door creaked open. Fluttershy stuck her head out.

"Uhm..." She brushed her pink bangs aside, blinking. "H-hello?"

Her turquoise eyes reflected a petite figure in front of her. Immediately concerned, she opened the door the rest of the way and stepped forward, muzzle agape.

She wasn't alone. Big Macintosh emerged from the cabin, blinking curiously. He stood beside his marefriend as the two stared at the sudden visitor.

"Caramel...?" Fluttershy tilted her head aside. "Oh my goodness. Why are you crying?"

Caramel stood with his head bowed. His legs buckled from the weight of two bulging saddlebags balanced on his flank.

Fluttershy and Big Mac exchanged curious glances.

Swallowing a lump down her throat, Fluttershy stepped forward and gently grasped Caramel's shoulders. "Caramel... talk to us. What's the matter?"

The stallion sniffled. He tilted his head up. "Everything," he whimpered. Eyes watered as he stared pleadingly into Fluttershy's face. "It's Rainbow Dash. You're her friend. Please..." He bit his lip. "You have to help her..."

Fluttershy leaned back, her muzzle hanging open in worry.

Th-Thwump!

Rainbow Dash slid to a rough stop in broken earth. She gritted her teeth. Blood squeezed through.

"Mrrffkk... grkkk..."

One eyelid fluttered. Then the other.

She pushed against the soil. The setting sun blinded her between the trees bordering an empty field.

"Hrnnfg... mffffuuu—"

Thunk! She fell again, whimpering. Squeaking.

Panting breaths rolled through her writhing body.

Reddened saliva dribbled from her muzzle. Her nose ran, forming shiny rivulets down her bruised face.

"Mmmfff... b-bucking... grnnngh... loser!"

She heaved. She heaved again.

Legs locked and muscles ripped.

She whimpered... squeaked... shrieked...

"Get up... get up!"

A final thrust of quivering limbs threw her forward...

...only for the mare to plow into the dislodged soil yet again.

Thwmmmmp!

"Rnnngh... d-dammit..." She gnashed her teeth. She rolled over, wings fluttering—then coiling tightly. Stubbornly. "Grnngh... good f-for nothing—!"

A tail flicked.

The horizon lurched.

"Rrrrrrrrrrgh!"

She managed to hobbled three steps. Three and a half.

A flash of pain erupted through her body, bubbling in her center until a nauseated flame built inside her stomach.

"Aaaaugh—!" Half of her scream ended in a grotesque gurgle, for she was vomiting up bile and stained alcohol. She fell straight into the yellow puddle her puke had made, further staining her bruised figure with the curds of failure. "Grnnkghll... hrkkkk...!"

Curling up, she thrust her head forward and spat onto the ground. Wheezing. Sobbing.

Half the time her muzzle was open, she was losing her stomach contacts. The rest was agonized wails. Earth-shaking and tree-splitting. The heartless world echoed with her banshee despair, and she collapsed there in the trenches of her desperation, surrounded by the thickening shadows of everything that continued to die.

"Mrnngh... hgnnnghhh... hnnghh... please... pl-pleasssee—Celestiaaaa..." Rainbow Dash thrashed—her pained motions growing weaker and weaker until the futility matched the numbness clouding her being. Every where she looked, the world was obscured by tears. There was no outrunning the fog. Nevertheless, she kicked and thrashed and fought for as far as the sparks in her nerves could carry her. "Mrnnfgh... I... I don't want to... d-don't... so... so very..." She sniffled, leaked, emptied. All that remained was a dry husk—growing emptier and emptier. She couldn't even remember a time when even a fifth of it was full. All was cold and crumbling. She saw the pieces falling away, and she didn't like the darkness that lay behond. "Loser... such a loser... sorry... please... Daddy, please..." She covered her muzzle with dead hooves. It was the only thing she had the strength left to do. The shame of it caused the final implosion, and she murmured into the dirtied fuzz, cuddling the horizon of oblivion itself. "Please... so sorry... I love... I-I love..." Gradually, her struggles ceased—if they could even be called such at that point. She drifted into a dark corner far beyond the limits of deflated, and all that answered her was the fringes of her own pointless breaths. "Love... l-love..."

And only after she weathered her last thoughts—all of them lonely and bitter—did Rainbow Dash finally surrender to blissful unconsciousness. She lay on the edge of the field, naked, homeless, and stained with her own vices. A blue coat and a rainbow mane curiously decorated the petite epitome of destitution in the middle of nowhere with smug vibrance. As the silence kicked in, the shadows around her coalesced, until she too started to blend in with the gray malaise of desolation around her.

Minutes wore on. And as the very last shred of light lingered on Rainbow's sky-colored figure...

...she arrived.

A subtle percussion announced it: athletic hooves crunching in the leaves and pine needles situated along the edge of the forest. Wheels of a wagon creaking and turning... groaning. Then—as the procession came to a stop—the rattle of wooden baskets jostling against one another.

Silence.

The figure stood dead still in ponderous silence. At last, she unhitched herself from the wagon and shuffled forward, closing the distance until she was looming above the melancholic lump that Rainbow had become. And when she reached forward, gently feeling the pegasus' light pulse with an orange hoof...

She sighed. Hard and heavy.

Apple Bloom drooled.

Asleep, the little filly was draped lazily over a bale of hay while a pair of chickens huddled around her body, clucking and pecking at her red bow.

Just then, a familiar voice hollered across the fields of Sweet Apple Acres.

"Apple Bloom!"

"Snrkkk!" Apple Bloom jerked away. The chickens scattered in the dim evening light as she fumbled blindly about, grabbed an abandoned bucket, and flung it at nothing. "Whoah!" Apple Bloom teetered—then fell face-first into a horse trough. Splooosh! "Bllbllbbb!" She lifted her drenched skull with a gasp, blinking wide-eyed across the orchards. "I-I'm doing ch-chores just like you told me to, Big Sis! I wasn't sleeping on the job! Honest!"

"Never you mind, Apple Bloom!" echoed Applejack's voice from the ranch's entrance. Apple Bloom flung the moisture out of her face in time to see an orange figure drawing a wagon towards the barn. It wasn't fruit that was lying in the back—but something far bluer... and bruised. "Go into the linen closet! Fetch some blankets and a pillow from the guest room. On the double!"

"Uhhhhh—sure thing!" Apple Bloom shook from head to tail like a yellow, red-headed puppy... then proceeded to squint at the wagon. "Wait... is that...?"

Applejack's green eyes hardened as she drew the cart towards the edge of the barn. "Do as I toldja, sugarcube. T'ain't a good time for draggin' yer hooves."

"Hey! It is Rainbow Dash!"

"Apple Bloom..."

Apple Bloom rushed up to the wagon, peering inside. "What in the hay happened to her?" She gawked at the unconscious pegasus who was curled up and stained with soil and bile. "Whoah! She looks like shit!"

"Apple Bloom!" Applejack roared.

"Uhhhhhhhh—!" Wide-eyed, Apple Bloom drew away from the wagon, trembling. "I mean like poop! She looks like poop!"

"Where'd you learn that language?" Applejack frowned. "I didn't nurse ya back from the brink of death just so you could be spoutin' all sorts of outhouse gibberish!"

"I-I meant to say 'poop!' Really, I did"

Applejack sighed. "You've been hangin' around Snips and Snails again, haven't ya? I thought we done talked about this—"

"But... but..." Apple Bloom cleared her throat, attempting to change the topic. "Rainbow Dash! What... h-happened to her, AJ?"

Applejack clammed up, a tiny knot forming in her beautiful orange throat. She gazed worriedly at the wagon, fidgeting with sudden anxiety. "Not too sure, Apple Bloom. Nothin' good, I reckon." A cough. "Now... would ya please go fetch the thangs I asked ya to? Whatever's happened to Rainbow, somehow I dun think it's anything she can easily brush off. She's... she's gonna need some help."

"From the looks of it, she needs to see a doctor!"

"One thang at a time. Now git!"

"S-sure thing, Applejack!" Apple Bloom turned tail and scampered straight for the farmhouse. "Right away!"

Applejack sighed. With slow methodical motions, she unhitched herself from the wagon and trotted slowly to the back.

Careful, strong hooves gently laid Rainbow Dash's figure down into the center of a plush bale of hay. The task was remarkably easy—on account of how lightweight Rainbow Dash had become. With soft motions, Applejack reached in and coiled the pegasus' wings by her side. She then straightned the mare's prismatic bangs... one fetlock lingering slightly upon the feathery silk touch.

Sucking her breath in, Applejack leaned back to stand in the middle of the barn. Her ears drooped. Her brow started to crease with worry—

"Here we go, AJ!" Apple Bloom galloped in from the dying day with several bedsheets draped over her flank.

Applejack winced. "Shhhhhh!" She hissed, reaching to take the blankets and pillow from Apple Bloom. "Keep it down, will ya?"

"Uhhhhhhh... Applejack?" Apple Bloom pointed with a nervous hoof. "Whatever's happened to Rainbow Dash, I don't think it's somethang she can just wake up from. And..." She winced, eyes narrowing. "Is that barf?"

"I think Rainbow's sick, Apple Bloom."

"How sick?"

Applejack gulped, leaning in with the blanket. "Can't say for sure."

"Well, maybe Nurse Redheart can help, don'tcha think?"

Applejack was gently laying the first blanket over Rainbow's figure. She tucked the fabric in around Rainbow's sides, making sure the pegasus was comfortable and warm. Her eyes lingered on the bruises marring the mare's face... on the tears still collecting around her weak eyelids.

"Applejack?"

"Hmmm?" Applejack leaned back, exhaling with a shudder. "Uhm... r-right. And—at least—for the time being—she's safe and warm."

Apple Bloom's muzzle scrunched. "How come we ain't puttin' her in the house? Ya know we have a guest room."

"From the look of things, Rainbow Dash has been drinkin' an awful lot," Applejack said. "And if I know the girl... she's a stubborn fighter to the core. No tellin' what we're in for when she wakes up. Best we keep her out of the house and away from Granny Smith's fragile heirlooms."

"Right. Good thinking, AJ!" Apple Bloom turned around. "Wait right here! I'll go run by Ponyville Central!"

Applejack blinked. She heard Apple Bloom's tiny hooves plodding off in the distance, and she blinked again. "No." She spun about. "No! Zecora."

Apple Bloom skidded to a stop and looked over her shoulder. "Huh?"

"Zecora." Applejack pointed. "Go fetch Zecora."

"Zecora?" Apple Bloom rubbed her head. "AJ, are ya sure?"

"She and that Noir fella brought you back to life, didn't they?" Applejack said. "If we want Rainbow Dash gettin' better, then we need help from the right ponies. No beatin' around the bush all unnecessary-like. Understand?"

"Sure thang!" Apple Bloom smiled heroically. "Zecora it is!" She scampered out of the barn. "Be back in a sec!"

"You know yer way to her hut?!" Applejack called out to her.

"In my sleep!" was the response, and Apple Bloom was gone.

The following silence was deaffening... until it was broken by a fragile squeak.

"...!" Applejack spun around.

Rainbow Dash was wincing... grimacing... and yet it wasn't enough to wake up from her torturous slumber. Limbs stirred, tensed... and went limp again. More tears leaked from her fluttering eyelids.

Tears that were swiftly dried by a tender orange hoof.

Applejack swallowed a lump down her throat. Her eyes remained locked on Rainbow Dash... even as she backtrotted from the bale of hay... pulled up an empty bucket... and sat on its upturned end. She squatted there, facing the warmly-bundled pegasus, breathing through the thickness of the rustic barn air lingering between them.

Outside, the day slowly died, with the dark fabric of evening coming to fall over the rural landscape in a purple kiss. It drew a sigh out of Applejack, so that she finally removed her hat... and finally removed that which lay gently nestled inside.

Even after so many months, the fibers were as blue as ever. And Applejack noted with a twitch of bitter irony that it looked even more colorful than the host that lay dormant across the barn from her. Stifling a pained whimper, Applejack gave the tiny lonesome feather a soft nuzzle, then clutched it tightly to her chest.

"Hmmmmmmm..." Applejack exhaled, like firing a cannonball from her lungs. Sad eyes stretched tiredly over the darkening scene, until night itself drew a curtain over the moment, allowing her the briefest of cathartic breaths. "Heaven help me."

To be continued...

...in Appledashery Volume Two

Author's Note

Appledashery Volume Two Coming Out Soon... for real this time

Appledashery

The first time I met Rainbow Dash, I knew that she was made to be the stuff of legends. She was simply a pony born to be awesome, and her mere existence inspired us all.

What not many ponies in Ponyville knew at the time was that there was something else that Rainbow Dash desired, something far more sincere, tender, and endearing. It’s the same thing that a great deal of us all yearn for, really, only Rainbow Dash wasn’t quick to admit it. That was fine, for a while, at least. You see, even the biggest and bravest heroes have to break at some point. Rainbow Dash must have feared it would have ruined something about her awesommmmme image. But she was wrong. Of course she was wrong. I mean… I’m writing about it today, aren’t I? And I’m certainly happy to. She found her place, and so did I too.

But enough rambling. You’re here for a story. Well, so am I. It’s certainly one that I enjoy relating. So, feel free to indulge me as I share something that’s been taking up a warm, happy place in my skull for far too long. I can’t promise that it’s a short story. In fact, it kind of goes where it wants, but such is the way of happy things, I suppose.

I’ll promise you this, though. Pinkie Pie Swear…

It ends with them cuddling.

Appledashery
(Where we follow a pegasus’ endless pursuit of snuggles)

Okay, Then

Slowly, the door to Rainbow Dash's cloud home opened.

Rainbow stepped in, then stopped. She stood in a sliver of starlight, gazing at the dim shapes of furniture around her.

She breathed slowly, tilting about until she looked at her couch.

Blankets and pillows draped off the cushions, alone and discarded.

Rainbow stifled a yawn.

She stepped forward... and trotted past the couch.

The shower was one.

Rainbow Dash stood outside the stall.

Even as warm mists wafted across the bathroom...

Enticing her...

...she stood facing the mirror.

Her roof rubbed across it, wiping clean a halo that exposed her deadpan face.

She examined her blue cheeks... her fuzzy ears.

"It's going to be okay."

She spoke.

"Okay?"

She blinked... then smiled.

Then, without any further delay, she turned and trotted into the warm, invigorating shower.

Minutes later...

"Mmmmfff... it's going to be okay..."

Rainbow Dash slid under the covers.

"It's... going to be okay, Rainbow Dash..."

She lay in her own bed, surrounded by shadows.

The mare was smiling. The grin followed her as she cuddled into her pillow, then drifted off.

"Mmmmm'kay..."

She slept more soundly than she had in weeks.

Herrings and the Beautiful Farm Mares Who Paint Them Red

Rainbow Dash flew and flew and flew.

Sweating in the noonday light, she flew so low over the hilltops bordering Sweet Apple Acres that she lopped off several swaths of grass. Flowers bent beneath her beating wings as she glided murderously quick towards the gate of the farmland's front fence. In her quivering vision, she made out a singular orange shape, and she throttled directly towards it.

"Applejack! Hold up!" Panting, wheezing, Rainbow Dash touched down, skidding to a stop until she nearly plowed into the farm mare. "I... c-came as quickly as I-I heard..." She gulped, gulped again, and stammered. "What is it?! What's wrong?! How can I help—"

"I said git!" Applejack snarled, bucking at a nearby tree. Several brown, mushy apples fell to the ground with sick thuds. The air immediately filled with angry squeaks and the flapping of leather wings.

"H-huh?!" Rainbow Dash glanced up through pulsing eyes.

Several large bats with glistening fangs and wretched scowling expressions flew off the tree and towards another, where they proceeded to munch and suck liberally from the delicious red apples hanging there.

"Ohhhhhhh..." Applejack snarled, her freckled cheeks red with anger. "For Pete's sake! Dun make me fetch Granny's ol' boomstick and show you what-for!" She galloped over and bucked the next tree.

With shrill hisses, the bats took off and parted ways, flying towards the far ends of the orchards.

"Ah, now that's just great!" Applejack snarled, tossing her hat down with a growl. "Now them varmints are all over the place! Nnnnnngh! I'm gonna have to fetch Fluttershy again. Darn it."

Rainbow Dash gulped, then stammered. "AJ...?"

The farm mare jumped, her ears pricking skyward. In an orange blur, she swooped up her hat and slapped it tightly over her head. "Land's sakes!" Clearing her throat, she spun about and smiled awkwardly. "Rainbow! Since when did you get here?" She pawed at the ground with a jittering hoof. "I... uh... I'm sorry that you had to hear all that just now. I like to think that I'm a mare with a sound temper, but these gul-durn vampire fruit bats just push my buttons somethin' awful, and... and..." She blinked, then squinted at Rainbow. "Are you alright, sugarcube?"

Rainbow heaved and heaved and heaved and smiled. "Totally!" Her voice cracked through two octaves, and she breathlessly winced at herself. "I-I just... uhm..."

"Awwww shucks. You flew all the way here, didn't ya?" Applejack chuckled at herself, then fiddled with the golden end of her blonde ponytail. "Whallop my wither. Yer more breathless than you were during the Iron Pony Competition. Shoot, I sure didn't mean to give you such a fright." Freckles swam in a red-orange sea. "I'm awful sorry, darlin'..."

Rainbow Dash's eyes swam in Applejack's flushed expression. "I... forgive... everypony..."

"Really, it ain't nothin' that I can't handle," Applejack said, hanging her head with a sigh. "But darn if it doesn't get me all worked up! Each year, these fruit-suckin' critters come to our farm and our farm alone to wreak havoc. Without fail! And it gets worse and worse every season!" She glanced worriedly over the treetops where several leathery bodies could be seen darting from branch to branch. "Now that we've got a new rich client payin' out the ear for our harvest, it's really rotten timin' for the vampire fruit bats to be visitin' us again."

"That's really terrible, AJ." Rainbow Dash gulped, finally catching her breath. "But, seriously, fruit bats? I've seen you ride on the back of a wild manticore without fear. Don't tell me that these little guys are giving you a hard time!"

"They ain't no threat to me or my kin, Rainbow," Applejack said in a snarling tone. "It's my crops that they're after! And I can't very well chase 'em all down on my lonesome! Not with the whole Acres for them varmints to find places to hide!"

Rainbow blinked, her jaw wide with a sudden smile. "Hey! Why not get some help with a pony who knows a thing or two about speed?!"

"Fluttershy's pretty good at talkin' sense into even the nastiest of pests, but I can't rightly say she'd be fast at doin' it."

Rainbow Dash hovered in place, arms folded. "Really, AJ? I mean... really?"

Applejack turned and looked at her, blinking. Her ears folded back. "You? Oh, sugarcube, that's awful nice of you to offer, but—"

"But what?"

"Well... erm..." Applejack fidgeted. "These bats ain't exactly easy to scare. No doubt yer faster than lightning, but tryin' to deal with all of these nasty-nasties at once? It ain't easy to get me in a fussin' mood, and yet I burn up somethin' fierce when I so much as think about these thangs. Celestia knows what they'd do to you—"

"Pfffft! And just what is that supposed to mean?!" Rainbow Dash frowned.

"Erm..." Applejack leaned back, chuckling breathily. "Well... uh... ya certainly ain't one to back down from a challenge, I reckon..."

"Right!" Rainbow smirked. "So let me at 'em! I bet I can find a way to scare 'em off!"

"Oh, Rainbow. Let's be real for a minute here. You don't have to. Goddess knows you've got far more important things to deal with."

"Applejack..."

"Besides, ya already volunteered to help me with the apple buckin' a few weeks ago. No sense in makin' you sweat over my troubles anymore—"

"Applejack, look at me." Rainbow Dash flew down to the earth pony's level. Her ruby eyes narrowed. "There is nothing more important."

"But—"

"Nothing."

Applejack's green eyes reflected a frowning face. She slowly, slowly nodded her head. "Reckon I aim to believe ya, darlin'." She gulped. "My oh my... if loyalty weren't yer strong suit, than perhaps stubbornness would fit the bill." She smirked.

"Back at ya, girl." Rainbow Dash cracked the joints in her neck. "So, where's a good place for me to start flying so I can hunt these suckers down?"

"They seem to like hangin' out by the south field the most."

"Right." Rainbow Dash soared skyward. "I'm on it like comet vomit!"

"Rainbow, wait!" Applejack waved a hoof. "Wouldn't ya... er... I dunno..."

"What?!" Rainbow Dash stared down, blinking.

"You seem to be carryin' an awful lot of junk there. Wouldn't ya feel better leavin' yer saddlebag on my front porch or somethin' while you do yer flyin' thang?"

"I... uhm..." Rainbow Dash squirmed in midair, feeling the weight of the stone horn in her satchel. "I-I'm good to go! Believe me!"

"Ya sure?"

"Yeah. I'm... uh... carrying all of this stuff because... I-I need exercise!"

"...exercise."

"Yeah! Gotta lose some weight, y'know?"

Applejack looked Rainbow's petite body up and down. "If you insist, sugarcube..." She winced slightly.

"Right. Oh... uhm... one quick thing, Applejack."

"What's that?"

Rainbow squinted. "Granny Smith owns a boomstick?"

Applejack bit her lip, then stared off into the horizon.

"Yes? No?"

"I want to scare the varmints off, Rainbow, but that doesn't mean I wanna hurt them," Applejack said. "I was doin' what any good card player would do if she didn't want to reveal her hoof at the table."

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "You were bluffing?"

"Pretty much, yup."

"Heh... okay then. But AJ?"

"Yeah, Rainbow?"

The pegasus winked. "A pony with the Element of Honesty really sucks at bluffing." And she darted off in a prismatic blur.

"Hrmmmff..." Applejack kicked at the dirt before galloping after Rainbow's distant figure. "Friggin' smart feathers..." Shey may or may not have been smirking.

Rainbow Dash Loves Applejack

It took a very long time, but Rainbow Dash finally built up the nerve to speak.

“Hey, uh, AJ?” A cute little shiver ran through her body; she forced it away by clearing her throat. Rainbow’s next breath came out in a pitiable squeak. “It’s been a really crazy week for all of us. Heh.” She rolled her shiny, ruby eyes. “Okay, so it’s been a crazy year, I mean… shucks… will ya take a look at this mess?”

She smiled nervously, her lower body fidgeting with the tattered folds of her ruined dress.

“We put so much hype into the Grand Galloping Whatchamacallit, and where did it get us? Pinkie never got to party. Rarity didn’t meet prince charming. I totally blew my chance at wowing the Wonderbolts. And you…” She bit her lip, gazing down at her scuffling slippers. “Well, yeah. We don’t need to go into that.”

Rainbow Dash battled the crest of an oncoming sigh. She couldn’t tell whether or not she came out the victor.

“But, like, it’s all good. Because it’s made us closer and all that jazz, I mean--right?” She smirked out the side of her fuzzy blue muzzle. “And I don’t mean just the stupid Gala, but all the crazy scrapes we’ve been through. I mean, ever since Twilight rolled into town, it’s been dragons one week… parasprites the other…” She winced heavily, hissing through her pearly whites. “Crud! The barn! Shouldn’t have mentioned the parasprites! Shouldn’t have--”

Rainbow froze, her eyes blinking wide as if she had been caught in a burning spotlight. With a nervous chuckle, she adjusted the golden crown of laurels on her skull and stared once again at the floor.

“So, like, there’s no telling how crazier things are gonna get. I don’t mean to be dark or nothin’, but it’d really suck if something super crazy bad happened to one of us and we couldn’t do awesome things together like we used to anymore. I mean…” She smirked proudly and held a hoof over her chest. “Not like anything horrible would take me down. Heh… I could kick a hurricane in the face and sing a song about it!”

A few seconds passed.

Rainbow Dash grunted, smacked herself in the forehead, and bowed her head lower with folded ears. “Okay, look. I’m no good at this. I knew before I even opened my stupid muzzle that I wouldn’t be any good at this. But… I-I’m really not one to back down from a challenge, even if this is…” She grimaced, and her voice cracked, “...kinda sorta the craziest, scariest challenge that I’ve ever faced. But… uh… I just gotta let it out. I gotta let the truth out. And you of all ponies are all about honesty, ponies. So… I should trust you… and you should trust me… and… and…”

Her body rocked from side to side. At last, she clenched her eyes shut, her entire body tensing as if giving birth.

“I c-can’t stop thinking about you Applejack.” She inhaled deeply and prepared for the second wave of outbursts. “Like--every friggin’ day--I’m totally blown away by how strong you are. How totally together you are. How totally honest, dependable, straight-forward… and a-awesome you are.” Her lungs wheezed in and out, then produced something like a kitten mewl. “And you are definitely the most beautiful pony I have ever known.” The shivers returned, but the dam had been blown. “And I don’t use that word lightly. You really are. Beautiful, I mean, Applejack, and all the other stuff too.”

Her wings drooped on either side of her deflating body.

“Soooooooooo yeah. Not to… sound creepy or nothin’...” She gulped. “But I would really like to hang out with you, Applejack. I mean, if that’s okay with you. It’d be really, really cool if I could get to know you more.” She smiled as the very tips of her wings fluttered on either side of her. “Heck, you could teach me a thing or two about being awesome. Because let’s face it, I’m tired of trying to compete with something… with somepony who makes each day so bright and radical… f-for me.”

Biting her lip, Rainbow Dash’s cheeks flushed red, and she nervously tilted her head up.

“So… uh… Applejack?” She gulped, then thinned her lids until they produced the haphazard equivalent of ‘bedroom eyes.’ “What do you think… sugarcube?” She wagged her eyebrows at the last part.

Rainbow wagged her eyebrows back, or at least her reflection did. The pegasus and her mirage blinked stupidly from where they both lingered beneath the buzz of a flickering lamp in the little mare’s room. Ruby eyes darted left and right, staring at the claustrophobic cinderblock walls. At last, Rainbow Dash slumped forward, throwing her upper body over the washroom’s sink as she covered her eyes with a pair of frustrated forelimbs.

“Stupid! Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid!! She’d never talk to you ever again if you do that ‘sugarcube’ part at the end! Dang it! What’s wrong with you?!” Rainbow Dash shook; Rainbow Dash shivered. As her muzzle turned increasingly red, she growled and twisted the faucet, running her frustrated mouth under the running water. “Blarghlblarghlblarghlblarghlblarghl!”

Just then, a hoof slammed repeatedly on the restroom door like a stampede of buffalo. ”Dashie Dashie Dashie!” Pinkie’s voice warbled like a tornado siren, accompanied by the weight of a plump equine stomping on alternating hooves in what must have been a truly fabulous rain dance. “How long are you gonna take in there! Cut a mare a break! Pretty pretty pretty pleasies! Ohhhhh-ohhhhhh!”

Rainbow Dash stood straight up. “Blarghlg-glaghghgll! Spttt!” She vomited the water into the sink, wiped her muzzle, and twisted the faucet shut with a squeak. “Just a sec, Pinkie!” Panting, she stared back at the mirror, fidgeting with her golden crown and the hem of her shredded dress. She stood back, struck a heroic pose, and froze in place. A few blinks later, she sighed. “Buck it.”

ThudThudThudThud! “Dasssssshieeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

“Hold your horses! I… er…” Rainbow rolled her eyes as she fumbled with the door handle. “You know what I mean!”

Not a millisecond after opening it, Pinkie blurred through. The sheer velocity of the party pony’s plunge into the washroom forced Rainbow out into the lobby of the Doughnut Cafe like a gunshot. Pinkie’s candied hat had fallen to the floor where it rotated to a rattling stop. “ThankyouRainbowtalktoyoulaterkaythanksbye!”

“Unngh…” Rainbow Dash was still recovering her balance. “Sheesh. Either cut back on the sarsaparilla or borrow a water tower for your bladder, girl.” In the middle of fidgeting with her Gala gown, Rainbow froze. Wincing, she raised her forelimb and flexed it a few times at the elbow before tapping it firmly against the black and white tile floor. She tongued the inside of mouth, anxiously.

“Rainbow! There you are!” Twilight Sparkle waved enthusiastically, her smile a lavender blur from afar. “Come on over! Joe baked us the last batch of doughnuts for the night! We know how much you hate to lose out on the last bite!”

“Quickly, darling!” Rarity’s voice chimed in. “Before Pinkie returns from her… business and leaves you starving.”

Rainbow Dash muttered under her breath in mid-trot. “The last thing I need is an excuse to gag myself tonight…”

“Don’t you fret none, sugarcube.” The most magical voice in the world reverberated off the walls in twangy tonality. “I saved ya the blueberry swirls one.”

Rainbow instantly smiled a crescent moon. “Oh, AJ! Thank you! Thanks a ton!” She instantly regretted how ecstatically her face had exploded. Shading her flushed muzzle behind a limp wing, Rainbow side-shuffled her way towards the table and climbed onto a seat like a little filly. The sparkly blanket of night hung over the cafe’s windows outside, positively bedazzling the eyes of every marefriend within view--especially the emerald jewels that were presently glistening in the pegasus’ direction.

“There ya go, Rainbow.” Applejack said, sliding the purple-glazed doughnut in question across the tabletop. The Gala Night’s chaotic wear and tear did very little to mar her shiny orange coat, her gentle smile, her supple shoulders, he shiny golden braids and braids and more braids--”You do fancy yerself some blueberry, don’t you?”

Applejack’s question snapped Rainbow Dash from staring at her long, blonde locks. “Oh! Uh… yeah!” She smiled nervously. “Blue as the sky! That means awesome!” With her next inhalation, she took a massive bite of the pastry, spitting up crumbs and breaded bits. “Mmmmf--shee? Aweshommeffff!”

Applejack chuckled, a deep, hearty, reverberating sound that rumbled deliciously across the tabletop. Rainbow Dash nearly choked on her dessert; she was certain she would die with a smile on her face.

“I still can’t believe the dude ran out of sprinkles,” Spike muttered.

“Spiiiike…” Twilight chided with a gentle smile. “We should be glad he’s staying open as late as he is.”

“You mean, he’s doing it just for us?” Fluttershy asked.

“Mmmm…” Rarity swirled a mug of coffee in her hoof while gazing suggestively towards the bar. “What a fine, fine gentlecolt.”

“Oh come now, Rarity!” Applejack rolled her green eyes. “The very night royalty itself gives you the burn, your heart flutters towards the next dag-blame’d stallion that crosses your eyes!”

“So help me if I can recognize true chivalry when I see it!” Rarity upturned her nose while taking a dainty, dainty sip of her steaming mug. “Especially after a night as disastrous as this one, a lady can be forgiven for wanting to seek solace.” She leaned back, lapping her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “Hmmm…” She swirled the mug some more. “Could use some more marshmallows.”

“How ‘bout you dunk yer sassy head?”

“Grrrrr…”

The table rang with giggles.

Finishing up her doughnut, Rainbow Dash avoided looking at Applejack like the plague and asked, “Say, where did Princess Celestia head off to?”

“She had some royal duties to take care of at the Castle,” Twilight said between nibbles of a frosted eclair. “Even on the Night of the Grand Galloping Gala, she doesn’t run out of stuff to do.”

The sound of a flushing toilet filled the air. “Yeah!” Pinkie Pie, suddenly there, suddenly said, “Like sweeping up the mess of the most awesome party everrrr!” She pumped her bright hoof in the air. Suddenly.

“Pinkie Pie?” Fluttershy looked painfully confused. “How could you call that a party?” She rubbed her hooves together in a guilty, pensive manner. “All we did was make a terrible, terrible mess of things.”

“You heard the Princess, though!” Pinkie bounced between her friends, hugging each of them in separate turns. “The Gala is awful every year! This is the first year it was made not-awful! And it was thanks to us! We’re the nicest, funnest, friendliest, most not-awfulest bunch of party-goers in the world!”

More giggles.

“Well…” Twilight smiled warmly. “At least one of us got to have their dream come true tonight.” She blinked. “I think.”

“Eh, I think Pinkie’s dreaming every day,” Spike muttered between bored bites of cinnamon.

“In truth, it wasn’t all that ghastly terrible,” Rarity said before casting a tranquil smile at the rest of the group. “This little after-soiree soiree of ours here is turning out to be truly delightful.”

“Yeah!” Twilight nodded with a bright grin. “And once we go back to my parent’s apartment, we’ll have the whole weekend to ourselves!”

“Oh, Twilight!” Fluttershy smiled with gently flapping wings. “That sounds delightful!”

“We’re all gonna have so much fun!” Pinkie Pie literally rolled under the table. “Fun fun fun fun fun!” Her hooves slammed against the underside, making every dish and coffee mug rattle.

Applejack teetered back, fumbling to keep her hat on straight. “Pinkie!” She burned holes in the tabletop with angry emeralds. “Knock it off, will ya!”

“Yes, darling. Share the mirth with all of us.” Rarity leaned forward as Pinkie sat up across from her. “I have the most outrageously hilarious image in my mind of Prince Blueblood covered in apple sauce. I daresay, I think I’m the only pony in contemporary times to have seen the uncouth side of a two-faced monarch.”

“Oooh! Oooh!” Pinkie leaned forward across the table with a mischievous smile. “Spill the beans! Spill ‘em!”

“Well…” Rarity’s eyes darted back and forth. She playfully stroked circles along the top of her mug while the other mares leaned in. “Before the Gala turned into unmitigated bedlam, I was treated to an earful of the prince’s woeful stories of yesteryear, including a rather foalish habit he couldn’t kick until well into his preteen years.”

“Oh?” Fluttershy tilted her head aside. “What kind of habit?”

“Well, think of it this way.” Rarity took another dainty sip, smiling out the corner of her muzzle. “I now know that there’s a market for royally monogrammed plastic bedsheets.”

The table broke into more cackles and giggles. As Rarity carried on, Applejack rolled her eyes and leaned back in her seat. “Unnngh… If I’d known that this would have been nothin’ but fussy gabbin’, I would have just trotted on to Twilight’s folks’ house on my lonesome and called it a night.” A beat. Applejack glanced over her shoulder and swatted Rainbow Dash in the side. “Good thing you’n I are a lot alike, partner, or otherwise I’d feel like I was plum alone here.”

“Uhhh…” Rainbow Dash gulped as she rubbed the spot on her coat that still pleasantly tingled from Applejack’s gruff contact. “Yeahhh,” her voice squeaked. “I’d never leave ya hangin’, AJ.”

“Heh. I know ya wouldn’t, sugarcube.”

Rainbow smiled crookedly.

“Cuz yer the Element of Loyalty, after all.”

Rainbow’s face fell straight. She fiddled with the edge of her table, ears drooped, wings… even droopier.

Applejack blinked at her in concern. “Y’all alright, Rainbow? Is there somethin’ on yer mind?”

“Huh? What? Me?” Rainbow Dash cracked like a ravenous hyena. “Eheheheheheh! Nawwwww… I’m… I’m f-f-f-fine, Applejaaaaack.” She coughed, then cleared her throat, desperate to keep it from cracking. She failed.

Applejack merely stared at her.

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. “I… I-I can never hide anything from you, can I, AJ?”

“Reckon ya can’t, darlin’.” Applejack held up a doughnut. “Come on.” She tossed it up, opened her jaws wide, and scarfed it in one ravenous sharklike gulp. “Mmmmf… Out with it.”

Rainbow’s ruby eyes quivered. “Out with it. Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah… uhm…” A bulb of sweat ran down her petite blue neck. She tilted her crown straight, only for it to fall crooked again. “I was just… uh… I was just wanting to… uhm…” She gulped. “To ask you something.”

“Oh?” Applejack looked at Rainbow Dash, her green eyes glistening, her silky-smooth coat shining in the cafe light. The faintest scent of sweat mixed with sugar, performing a dance between them and enchanting Rainbow’s nostrils. “What is it, Rainbow?”

Rainbow looked at her. She fought back a whimper, then produced a plastic smile. “How’s apple bucking lately?” She bit onto her tongue.

Applejack stared blankly for a bit, then smiled so wide her cheeks threatened to burst. “Why, I thought y’all’d never ask!” With a starry glint to her eyes, the farm filly gazed at the ceiling and purred in her usual drawl, “Why, land’s sakes! We’ve been bustin’ our flanks off over at Sweet Apple Acres! What, with the bounty that I was needin’ to bake desserts with at the Gala before our regular Apple Buckin’ Season! Whew-wee! It was a lot of tiresome work. I’m pretty sure Granny Smith and Big Macintosh were tossin’ me evil glances by the time we had rounded up the fruits of the southern field by sundown two days ago, but they all understood that it was for a good cause, even if it all ended up as mushy ballroom floor polish in the end.”

“Uh huh. Uh huh.” Rainbow Dash nodded, nodded, nodded.

“But once I get back, I’m gonna be tacklin’ the east and northern fields! I’ll do it on my lonesome too! Why, it’ll give Big Mac and Granny the time off that they deserve! But t’ain’t no biggie. The East and Northern Fields are my favorite. Did you know that the golden delicious apples are the ripest where the sun rises? I swear on my own grave! That’s the stuff we use to make cider on cider season! Why, if it weren’t for that long stretch of land we have in the east, I don’t know how we’d be earnin’ our revenue each year! For instance, back before we bought several plots…”

Rainbow Dash listened intently, but as the seconds rolled by, and the peripheral of Applejack’s vision drew further and further away, the pegasus took the opportunity to slam her forehead multiple times against the tabletop. She gripped her skull, mumbling curses at herself, and just barely managed to throw on a fake grin when Applejack glanced at her in mid dissertation a few seconds later. As the minutes wore on, Rainbow found it harder to contain her smile, instead tossing the mother of all lingering sighs into the fringes of that night-shrouded place.

Honestly, Now

“Don’t mention it.”

Rainbow Dash sighed happily, lying chest-first on the cloud. She gently rubbed little circles into her shoulder, as if she could still feel the warmth of Applejack’s playful contact from a day and a half before. A calm breath flowed through her as she smiled deliriously into the afternoon sunlight.

Then, from below…

“Hey, Big Sis! You’re back!”

“Oh, howdy, Apple Bloom!” Applejack trotted away from the wagon and nuzzled the little filly in question. “So sorry that I couldn’t say goodnight to you last evening, sugarcube. We all came back from Canterlot super late. Well… some of us later than others.”

“Did you have fun at the Gala?”

“Er… yeah, well…” Applejack fanned herself with her hat, smiling nervously. “I… sold a f-few apples, but… erhm…”

“Applejaaaaaaack…” Apple Bloom smirked. “But did you have fun?”

Applejack blinked, then reached her hoof down to ruffle the filly’s red mane. “Heheh… Yeah. Sure thang. I got my kicks in.”

“Then that’s a good thing, right?”

“You betcha!” Applejack returned to wagon.

“Whatcha up to?”

“Figured I’d get a fresh start on the Northern Fields.”

“Want some help?”

“Don’t you have homework to do, sugarcube?”

“Nope! I did it all at recess today!”

“At recess? Isn’t that when you and all yer fillyfriends should be outside playin’ and enjoyin’ the weather?”

“Nah. It rained over the schoolhouse for most of the day.”

“Really? That’s mighty odd,” Applejack said. “I thought Rainbow Dash and the other fliers were clearin’ the skies today.”

“Beats me. Why don’t you ask her?”

“Who, Rainbow Dash?”

“Yeah.” Apple Bloom pointed skyward. “She’s been floatin’ over our farm for the past half-hour now!”

“She has?” Applejack looked straight up.

All she saw were three fluffy clouds splitting into six as a swift trench exploded through the thick of them, heading due north with a brisk tail-wind.

Appledashery

Back then, nopony suspected a thing, which is precisely the way Rainbow Dash wanted it. Days went by as they normally did, with Rainbow Dash doing things as awesomely as usual. Everypony chalked up her enthusiasm and love of life to the simple guile of a pegasus.

The fact is, Rainbow ran on something else, a sort of fuel that transcended normal thoughts and feelings. It's the sort of thing that most ponies experience in their teenage years. I know I dealt with it a few times, but they were almost always fleeting moments for me--as they're quick and silly experiences for everypony... or at least everypony.

You see, crushes don't last forever. At least, they're not supposed to. Like brilliant comets, all of the excitement and the enthusiasm and the mischievous spirit of heart-warming danger are all too quickly extinguished with the passing of time. This is just a normal thing, something we all experience when growing up.

But Rainbow Dash was different. She grew into it. And, with time, she would find that such a desire, such a hope, such an amorous obsession would be the one thing keeping her ticking.

It was a timely phenomenon too, for in the days to come, Rainbow Dash needed a well of joy more than anything.

Quite frankly, as much as everypony believed in her, I'm personally surprised she survived....

Framing

Rainbow Dash touched down on the front stoop of her floating home that night. She ignored the “For Lease” sign as she made her way into the front room, pausing beside a table where there was placed a photo of her and her best friends. Using her feathers as opposable fingers, she picked the frame up and looked at the glossy surface.

Twilight was in the center of the photograph…of course. She was always in the center--as she deserved to be. Rainbow Dash hovered along the fringes, her wings blurred in mid-flap as the camera did its best to capture the moment.

Blinking, Rainbow placed the photo down and looked at the others arranged across the table. There were several group pics in the pegasus’ collection, an outrageous bunch for that matter, most of which she had received from the likes of Rarity or Pinkie Pie, and she had never had the nerve to toss them away.

In every photo, Rainbow Dash was always hovering, flying, or levitating along the edges. She’d be positioned to the side of the group, above them, or behind them, peeking through to flash a smirk. It never occurred to her that she had made it happen that way every time she posed for a photograph. Still, the realization tickled her in a strange way.

But it wasn’t nearly as curious a discovery as what she saw next. With squinting eyes, she leaned forward, staring at each photograph.

There was another pony positioned along the edge of each frame, a pony that accompanied her, a pony that--evidently--saw the need to situate herself as close to Rainbow Dash as possible, as if acting as a final link between the center of the group and the loyal pegasus in orbit.

A breath escaped Rainbow Dash, and her grin grew gradually. Her eyes reflected the pony’s smiling face, her bright green eyes, her strong and dependable frame leaning within proximity of her own.

When Rainbow Dash went to bed that night, she was too delirious to bother showering. As she lay beneath the sheets, the sweat and anxiety of the day mingled with her, and she imagined it was the scent of somepony else, somepony always keeping watch from her, even if from far below.

“Hmmmm…” She snuggled into her pillow with an exhausted smile on her face. “I am in love…” And the smile grew wider.

That was enough for that evening. She didn’t have to murmur the six words. Not that night.

She fell into the arms of sleep and drifted away.

One Pegasus Sneaking Mission

The next afternoon, Rainbow Dash came to a stop, her legs buckling. She gritted her teeth, tightened her muscles, and somehow kept from collapsing. A chariot full of salt licks came to a rolling stop behind her, bumping slightly into her flank and tale.

A shuddering breath left her lips. She gazed up and across the rich lawn of the Trottingham manor. Several stagecoaches had been gathered along the curved driveway, and multiple chauffeurs had gathered by the garage, sharing complimentary glasses of lemonade and chatting with the house’s maidens.

It didn’t take long for a familiar face to show up. The butler strode across the springy grass, making a bee-line for the regular deliverer.

“Hmmm. It seems as if you’re earlier with each passing occasion. Normally, I’d be awestruck, but I feel as though the charm is wearing off.”

Rainbow Dash said nothing. With a limp toss of her mane, she reached into her apron, pulled the clipboard out in her teeth, and gave it to the stallion.

“Hmmm? What’s this?” The butler took his time in signing his name, glancing at Rainbow Dash’s sullen expression between every penstroke. “No witty remark. No jocular outburst?”

“You want me to unload the bricks this time?” the pegasus muttered in a dull tone.

The butler squinted at her for a few seconds, then cleared his throat. “No, Miss Dash. Though you’ve proven swift and punctual, we’re not paying Banner Company for that service. Wait here while I summon the usual workhorses.”

With a twirl of his tuxedo, the stallion marched off.

Rainbow sat back on her haunches, relaxing her body within the confines of the chariot’s riggings. She took a few deep breaths. Deep perspiration dried along her sides and wing joints, leaving a saline grit clinging to her blue coat hairs. She tried not to get too relaxed, however, judging by how easily her legs wanted to become putty. Nervously, she gave her body a little shake. Her ears heard the rattle of the pill box in her apron.

Then another noise struck her ears, something she thought she had shaken over the past fourteen hours, but in fact was still haunting her past the restless night and the tedious morning of routine deliveries.

She clenched her eyes shut, entreating the darkness, and still the sound of Applejack’s sobbing voice drew across her subconscious. Gritting her teeth, she brushed two hooves repeatedly over her ears, as if attempting to squeeze the memory out.

She failed.

Blood rushed to her head. She saw stars blossoming beneath her clenched eyelids. And then, out from the shadows, another voice rose into clarity. A male voice, eloquent, enthusiastic…

...and talking about apples.

Rainbow Dash gasped, her eyes opening. She stood up straight, looking left and right in darting motions. Then, at least, she gazed towards the edge of the lawn, bordering the hedge garden at the manor’s rear.

A unicorn stallion trotted down a cobblestone path, levitating a champagne glass as he spoke to a group of finely dressed ponies shuffling along after him. Rainbow recognized the stallion’s monocle and petite mustache immediately. But that wasn’t all.

An earth pony--one of the manor master’s many visitors--trotted in open view. His graying brown mane contrasted with his stone-colored coat beneath his business suit. When he replied to one of the host’s many comments, Rainbow’s heart jolted at the sound of his twangy accent.

“Filthy Rich…”

Something deep inside her sneered, like a beast of Tartarus rattling at the end of its chains.

Nevertheless, she took a deep breath, glanced left and right, then--once she saw that nopony was looking--she unhooked herself from her riggings and galloped away from the chariot. Sliding up to a wall of green hedges, she made sure she was hidden and waited for the host and his visitors to trot out of view. Then, with her every limb locked into steely stealth, Rainbow Dash followed the stallions until she was within earshot.

The Falls and the Riches

Minutes bled into hours, and all of them covered in sweat.

Rainbow Dash loved it. Or, at least, she wanted to. As her heart pumped and her temple throbbed, she found herself slamming her hooves into each subsequent row of apple trees with lesser and lesser intensity.

Her wings never stopped beating for one single second. As always, they were more alive than the rest of her, lifting the beleaguered pegasus from one part of the orchard to another. As the sun began its downward plunge--casting hues of orange and scarlet across Sweet Apple Acres--she found her limbs dangling, swaying with each accelerated burst that her feathers had to give.

At last, as Rainbow made her way down a final line of trees before the western half of the southern field, she could barely feel the sensation of her hooves impacting the thick wooden trunks. All that signaled through her legs was a slight tingle, followed by a dull throb of pain at the base of her spine.

She had no choice but to hover to a swift stop, catching her breath--but helpless to catch her nerves. Clenching her teeth to stifle a deep-throated curse, Rainbow fiddled once more through the recesses of her saddlebag’s pouch. Eyeing the sunlight, she rattled the container and downed another pill, this time with no hesitation.

Rainbow had just swallowed the capsule down when she heard Applejack’s voice warbling over the nearby hillside.

“Rainbow? Rainbowwwww? You there, sugarcube?”

“Uhm, yeah--” Rainbow hoarsely replied, then coughed until her voice was solid again. “Totally, Applejack! I wouldn’t have ditched ya!”

“You over by the southwest orchards?”

“Uh huh!” Rainbow Dash beat her wings and lifted up again. “Just about to--”

“Good. Stay where you are. Reckon it’s time for a breather.”

Rainbow’s ruby eyes bugged. She slumped back down to the ground, wincing as she actually felt the painful thud of her hooves settling against the rough soil. “Oh…” Her legs tingled over like a million ants crawling through her vains, and she gnashed her teeth. “Well, okay, then…”

With remarkably soft hoofsteps, Applejack rounded the nearby hill, carrying two bushels of apples over her flanks.

“Whew! Land’s sake, Rainbow Dash! Would you look at yerself?”

“What?!” Rainbow’s voice cracked as she wildly hid her forelimbs behind her torso and saddlebag. “Wh-what?! Nothing special about me!”

“You kidding? Of course there is!” Applejack smirked. “Yer my gul-durn savior today!”

Rainbow blinked. “I am?”

“Well…” Applejack spun and flung her hoof eastward. “Take a look for yerself, darlin’!”

Rainbow Dash put her back to the sunset and squinted across the rosy treetops. Row after row of orchards stretched before view, and not a single one of them still glistened with apples. Baskets hung in clusters, all of them filled to the brim with fruit. Rainbow knew that she had bucked loose at least half of that produce, but she was currently incapable of remembering any of it--not through all of the sweat and the pain and the tingling in her hooves.

“Oh…” Rainbow Dash fought the urge to wheeze. “Groovy.”

“‘Spiffy’ is more like it, hun.” Applejack planted her two heavy baskets down with a groan then proceeded to stretch her loose legs. “Whew! Gracious! I don’t know how you do it, Rainbow! I’m plum tuckered out, and I only did about half the labor that you did!”

“Oh, uhm…” Rainbow bit her lip. She tightened the satchel of her saddlebags shut and masked the rattle of the pill jar with her clearing throat. “You know. Good ol’ fashion pegasus versatility, eheh.”

“Them’s too many syllables,” Applejack said. She took her hat off and began fanning herself. “Especially for you--” She suddenly jolted, glanced worriedly at her hat, and slapped it back over her blonde head just as swiftly as she had taken it off.

Rainbow blinked curiously at that.

“Ahem…” Applejack motioned with her head as she trotted towards the west end of the nearby hill. “Why don’tcha ditch the saddlebag, Rainbow. Take a load off.”

“Oh, don’t worry about me.” Rainbow Dash cracked a nervous grin. “I’m tight.”

“Suit yerself. I’m takin’ a bit of a breather. I suggest you join me.”

“Right…” Rainbow Dash nodded loosely. “Join…” She gulped. “...you.”

Applejack plopped down, sighing in relief. She brushed her bangs out from her eyes and folded her well-toned legs beneath her. With a contented breath, she stared out onto the sun-kissed fields west of them, smiling with muted contentment.

Rainbow Dash fidgeted for a while, squirming from one set of hooves to another. At last, trying to keep her cool, she waddled over, squatted down… and sat a good three feet away from Applejack.

The farm filly almost spoke up immediately. “What’s the matter, sugarcube?” She didn’t look at Rainbow. “Afraid of catchin’ somethin’?”

“Huh? What?!” Rainbow’s ears folded. “No! No no no no no… eheheh…” She fought the urge to shiver but instead smiled proudly. “I worked up a total sweat just now, y’know? Murdering all those trees? Pffft…” She waved a hoof between them. “Don’t want you gettin’ downwind of pegasus funk, gurl.”

“Heh…” Applejack’s lips curved. “Are ya kiddin’? I smell like sawdust and farm sweat all the gosh dang time.”

Rainbow Dash sighed with delight. “I knowwwww…”

Applejack’s head swiveled. Her eyebrow was raised.

Rainbow’s pupils shrank. “I-I mean… I know. Whatever.” She leaned forward, resting her burning muzzle at an angle so that Applejack couldn’t see. “Don’t feel like you gotta boast about it to everypony. Not like we’re in some… friggin’ sweating competition.”

“No, I reckon not.”

“Uh uh.”

Silence.

Birds sang and fluttered overhead, drawing in black droves towards the melting horizon. The blades of grass blanketing Sweet Apple Acres swung in the last warm breeze of the afternoon, and then everything hushed into its gentle slide into a Spring evening.

“Oh Rainbow Dash, I’m awfully sorry.”

Rainbow’s eyes went crooked. She shook her head and turned to look at her friend. “Huh? For what?”

Applejack had slouched so that her muzzle was resting on the tips of her folded hooves. “For bein’ such a sour apple to ya earlier. T’ain’t proper.”

Rainbow blinked, then smirked. “Heh… I’d rather you apologize for all the darn apple jokes.”

“I’m serious, sugarcube.” Applejack turned her head and gazed sadly at the pegasus. “I had no business tryin’ to shoo you away earlier like I did, especially when all you wanted to do was lend me a helping hoof.”

“Well, if I recall, all I wanted was some apples for… erm… stuff.” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Who says that’s changed?”

“But yer always chompin’ at the bit to help yer fellow ponies. It’s built in yer blood, Rainbow. Loyalty and all.”

“Heh… eheheh…” Rainbow kneaded the grass in front of her. She stared down at the earth. “Yeah, well…”

“Figures it’d only be right if I was half as honest as I’m expected to be.” Applejack’s jaw was straight. “Instead, I’m growin’ more and more tense with each passin’ day, and I’m usin’ it as an excuse to shrivel and hide in my own troubles. Well, hidin’ the truth is just as bad as messin’ with it, and it ain’t true to my element. Nope, it ain’t true to it whatsoever.”

“Hey, AJ…” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “You’ve got stuff to deal with. Best that you do it the way you know how.”

“And just how is that helpin’ me, huh?” Applejack tilted the brow of her hat forward, sighing. “I’d not have gotten nearly as far as I did today if it weren’t for yer help, Rainbow. It’s about time I learned to stop bein’ stubborn and just… j-just share in the falls as much as the riches.” She grunted at herself. “Tchhh… Reckon that came out crooked. Ya see, this is why I tend to keep it to myself n’all. It’s always like dancing with four left hooves.”

“You…” Rainbow fidgeted. “You don’t have to keep it from me, Applejack.”

Applejack was silent.

Rainbow Dash smiled gently. “You’ve been real with me before, remember?” Her head leaned to the side. “When we hung out at Canterlot?” She winced slightly, then added in a trembling tone: “You… do remember, right?”

Applejack clenched her jaw tight. She stared off over the sun-melted fields.

Rainbow Dash bit her tongue. She hesitated, producing a brief squeak at first, but ultimately murmured, “H-how bad is it, Applejack?”

Applejack inhaled deeply through her nostrils.

And then, at last…

“Real bad, sugarcube…”

Appledashery

Rainbow Dash is a pony of many stories—most of them exciting, a good many of them humorous, and almost every single one adventurous. Everytime I ran into her, she was always spouting one anecdote after another, and very proudly too. If there was one thing that pony was good for, it was boasting, and she had many an excuse to tilt her chin towards the heavens and fly high.

What most ponies don't realize—or, at least, are starting to discover—is that some of the greatest adventures that Rainbow Dash went on, some of the most treacherous treks she's ever taken, were the ones that she didn't dare talk about.

And why not?

Quite simply because... she didn't embark upon those adventures for herself. No, she had an entirely different pony in mind, and until the day she could boast about her as well, she might as well have been called "Rainbow Humility Dash."

Still, if I had known, I wouldn't have loved her any less...

Appledashery

Was Rainbow Dash happier when she was alone? I've had a few talks with her in recent years, but she's never gone into that much detail to tell me. I like to think that in those days, when the most joy she could have acquired in life was that which she eked from pining over an unrequited love, it was a unique sort of high that she was capable of riding for lengthy periods of time. Having an intense infatuation, after all, possesses its own separate peace, and can revitalize one's soul from the inside out when everything else is bleak, trite, and even miserable.

But I fear that I'm projecting a tad bit too much. So let me get to the point.

The thing is, Rainbow Dash always had a way of finding happiness in something, even when her life was at its lowest point. Even in the days before cuddling, when she had no nightly plan save to quietly, secretly cry herself to sleep every evening, she was able to dredge warmth from the dark fabric of her dreams.

This would turn out to be a very helpful tool, especially in the days to come immediately after her initial adventure at Granite Mountain. Because if there was anything true about Rainbow's life in those days, it's that it had its multiple ups and downs, and each plunge—both the happy and the somber ones—made the blood rush harder than the dip previous.

I envy her, in a way. But, then again, that's just me...

Short and Sweet

Rainbow Dash sat on the branch of a lone apple tree that rested on the crest of a hill just north of Sweet Apple Acres' main orchards. From there, she watched as the sun set over the countryside, giving the apples of the fields a final crimson glint before surrendering the sky to the hush of evening.

She propped her back against the main tree trunk, allowing her legs to dangle on either side of the branch. With gentle breaths, she tilted her eyes left and right, following the gently glowing horizon over the farm. Each inhale was filled with the musk of freshly tilled earth, but—to her imagination—it was countless generations of sweat and toil. Her limbs ached at the mere thought of what it took to keep such a place in good order. And yet...

“How could you dig this so much...?”

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. She glanced up.

An apple hung low before her muzzle.

With two hooves, she reached up and turned the fruit around, twisting it on its stem. She felt the smooth skin, giving it a slight squeeze and attempting to judge its freshness. In the end, Rainbow was completely clueless.

“It's... just an apple. They're all just apples.” A sigh. “I don't get it. I don't think I ever will.”

She slumped back again, letting go of the apple. She watched as the red thing dangled loosely on its branch before settling still before her.

“Why can't you be into something... I dunno... awesomer? You can be an athlete. You've got the legs for it. Hmmm-eheheheheh... boy do you have the legs for it.”

Rainbow winced, shaking her head and snapping out of it.

“You could kick so much flank doing anything you wanted in the world. So why pick something so... so boring? So simple? You could have anything in the world. You could even have...” She clenched her teeth, hugging herself a bit. “You c-could even have me...”

Silence.

“But then... you just wouldn't be you, wouldn't ya?” Rainbow smiled a bittersweet smile, straightening the prismatic bangs across her forehead. “Gosh dang it. Apples are so stupid and plain and dull.” She buried her face in her hooves and groaned in melodramatic agony. “...why do I friggin' love them so much? Why do... why do I love...?”

A rustling of leaves and grass.

Rainbow Dash jerked up with a blink. Folding her ears back, she hugged the branch she was on, laying low in the shadow of the leaves overhead.

From the nearby forest's tree line, two shapes were emerging. One large and one small. A chuckle floated between them, instantly ringing through Rainbow's head.

The pegasus squinted and murmured, “Fluttershy... Big Mac...?”

Rosy Yellow

Rainbow zipped over on blazing wings and stopped her with a steady hoof. “Dang, Fluttershy, at this rate I'd figure you for a crimson pony who dyed her coat yellow!”

“Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy sat straight up, panting and heaving. “What are you doing here?!”

“Wondering if we just switched being drunk!” Rainbow Dash smirked. “And here I thought I had it bad!”

“It's... it's not b-bad!” Fluttershy stood straight up, trying to pout. All that came out was a delicate squeak as she hid her face behind her mane. “None of it is b-bad!”

“Heheheh... of course not, Fluttershy.” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “I'm just teasing you, girl.”

“Mmmmmmm... I really, really wish you wouldn't.”

“Still, what was that just now?”

“H-he was only visiting the cottage! I told him about the cages and he offered to fix them and—”

“Yeah, I got that.” Rainbow pointed at the top of the hill. “But what about that weird dance-thingy you just did!”

“Weird... d-dance... thingy...?”

“Y'know, with your necks?” Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “For a second there, I thought one of you was gonna suplex the other. I'm almost disappointed nothing happened.”

“Oh... Oh!” Fluttershy bit her lip and fiddled with her long locks of hair. “You... uh... you saw that?”

“Er... yeah? Was I not supposed to?”

“We... uhm... w-we've done it a few times now, Rainbow Dash.” Fluttershy tittered nervously. “We w-weren't planning on doing it in public until sometime later. But... well...” She looked up with sparkling eyes. “What d-did you think?”

“... ... ...Huh?”

“Did... d-do you approve?”

Rainbow's muzzle scrunched up even more. “Of what?”

“Huh...?” Fluttershy's jaw dropped. “Wait... do... do you not know what the Lover's Nuzzle is?”

“Uhhhh... should I?”

“Oh... uhm...” Fluttershy glanced nervously out the side of her eyes.

“Does it involve having to wear a raincoat indoors?”

“What—No! Not at all! It... ohhhhhhhhhh...” Fluttershy sighed, then smiled tiredly. “Oh, Rainbow. Sometimes I think you're your own worse enemy.”

Rainbow Dash frowned. “Now what in the fluffsicles is that supposed to mean?!”

“Here...” Fluttershy stood up, coiled her wings, and turned towards the forest's tree line. “Walk with me, and I'll do my best to explain.”

Rainbow trudged after her. “Uh oh. Do I have to lower my voice and speak in a drawl?”

“Poke fun at Big Macintosh and I will h-hurt you!”

“Hah!” Rainbow smirked as the two approached the trees. “By doing what?! Pinching me?”

Fluttershy's ears drooped. “I... I-I can pinch hard.”

To the Dogs

“No, not that one! The other one!” Rainbow Dash's voice cracked as she pointed wildly.

Autumn Rush fidgeted, wrinkling her nose at her own smell as she struggled to reposition the keys in her grasp. “You m-mean this one?” she asked, pointing at one in particular.

“Yes! The rattiest one!” Rainbow grinned. “It matches how these stupid mutts feel about the poor saps they've captured.”

Autumn stuck the key into the cage's slot, gripped it with her teeth, and turned. To her eye-fluttering surprise, there was a victorious clickkk!. Several prisoners murmured in awe while Autumn turned the rest of the way, effectively pulling the door open with a slight wooden creeeak.

Rainbow Dash grinned from ear-to-fuzzy-ear. “Heeeeeey! You did it, girl! Way to go!”

Autumn spat the keys out into her hooves and opened her mouth—

“Wait!” Rainbow hissed. “Don't! Unless you're Fluttershy, then cheering is only gonna attract the creeps!” She slithered out and grasped Autumn Rush's forelimbs. “You think you can do this with the rest of the cages?”

“Uhm... s-sure?”

“Good.” Rainbow turned and looked at the huddled masses inside their containers. “Here's what I'm planning. We're in this place deep, 'kay? So I'm gonna glide out and look for a good escape route.”

“H-how long is that going to take?” a prisoner stammered.

“I dunno. Ten minutes? Twenty?” Rainbow sighed. “Look, I know that you're all chomping at the bit to get out of here.”

The frightened group stared blankly at her.

Rainbow frowned with folded ears. “Okay... most of you are chomping at the bit. Like it or not, one way or another—I'm getting your flanks out of this place! That's a promise!”

“But what about the Top Dog's weapon?”

“That's second order of business, ya hear?” Rainbow Dash squinted down the corridor while she hushedly talked. “The third order is getting Iron Will out of whatever terrible scrape he's in. Big lug was only trying to kick ass and be often. That totally doesn't deserve getting tortured in my book.”

“Aren't you afraid of just getting caught again?” Autumn asked while moving onto another caged door and unlocking it.

“No—but it's only wise to be cautious.” Rainbow turned towards the group. “If you guys don't hear from me in half an hour, just flee. You hear me? Stampede out of this place as fast as you can. If I can't help all of you doesn't mean that All Fine and Bambi here can't at least help some of you.”

“Uhm...” Autumn fidgeted. “Thanks...?”

“And what if we all get re-captured, stripped of our skin, and boiled to death in dogfat thanks to your impulsive meatheadedness?!” asked a disgruntled ram.

Rainbow merely saluted him with a smirk. “Then we'll share some cider in Tartarus together.” With that, she glided out on stealthy wings. “Zoop!”

Autumn Rush clicked another lock open. An elk by the cage door murmured, “Do you really believe in her?”

“Mmmfff...” The innocent doe spat the key out and smiled meekly. “Why not? Every time I hear her voice, I forget that I smell like hellish dog shit.”

Rainbow Dash stuck her head out from around a stalagmite. She instantly winced and pulled back, squinting from afar.

Several meters away, beneath a single torchlight, several armored canine guards sat at a round table.

“Ha! Royal Flush! Read 'em and weep, fellas!”

“Aaaaaugh!”

“Guhhh!”

“Dammit!”

“Awoooooooooo!”

“Heheheh...” The sound of rattling chips. “I do believe your collar now belongs to me, Caesar.”

“Grffff... just one more game?”

“You that desperate, pup?”

“I can't stand to leave the table with only my fleas.”

“Heh. Fine. But don't say I never did anything nice to you.”

“Oh, go bark it up a tree.”

The table erupted in laughter.

From afar, Rainbow cocked her head aside. With an incredulous expression, she mouthed an incomplete interrogative sentence, then rolled her eyes. On dainty hooves, she snuck ahead, shuffling past the guards and aiming for the tunnel beyond.

In mid-stroll, she stepped on an incline of granite. Losing balance, her flank bumped into a loose barrel. Cl-Clannnnng! She winced, freezing in mid-trot with her tail and wings sticking straight out.

Half of the table turned, saw her, and waved. “Hey, Frank!”

“How's it going, Frank?”

The dogs then returned to their game.

Rainbow Dash blinked... and blinked again. She stood up straight, continuing to gawk at the table.

“Why do you always deal?! I don't trust your paws.”

“I have a hook for a hand, genius. One of my paws is marinating in the stomach of a hydra somewhere.”

“And undoubtedly it's making him crap extra aces of spades.”

“Hahahaha!”

Rainbow Dash slowly, mechanically trotted over to the table. She stood right behind the backs of the seated guards. “Ahem...” She cleared her throat. “H-hey, guys.”

The bone-headed mutts turned and squinted at her from beneath their helms.

“Yeah, Frank?”

“What is it, Frank?”

“You... uh...” Rainbow Dash fidgeted. “...got room for one more seat?”

“Pffft. Too late, pal.”

“Yeah, Frank. The late dog doesn't get the bone!”

“Hah! That's a good one, Caesar!”

“Ehhhhhh shuddup.”

“You gonna paw out the cards or what?”

“Yeah, hook get caught on something?”

“I'm dealing! I'm dealing! Yeesh! Who do you think I am? Mr. Giraffe walk?”

“Hahahaha...”

Rainbow Dash shifted her weight on one leg, then another, then a third. “Hey... uhm... guys?” She spun around until her rear was facing them. “I was wondering if you could help me with something.”

“Yeah?”

“What is it, Frank?”

Thwap! She slapped the full length of her prismatic tail across the tabletop.

“I think I got something caught in my tail. Can any of you guys see anything?”

The dogs all sat forward, craning their necks until their noses were within inches from the pegasus' multi-colored strands.

Rainbow Dash bit her lip, sweating slightly as she waited.

“Hmmmm... nah.”

“You seem clean to me, dog.”

“Yeah, I don't see nothing.”

“...oh.” Rainbow Dash exhaled.

“But—”

Rainbow clenched her teeth.

A metal hook ran through the tail hairs. “I gotta say, Franky, your coat's looking a little...” Pause for dramatic effect. “...fruity. If ya know what I'm saying?”

“Heheheh... yeah...” Another canine chimed in. “Did you sign up for Top Dog's experimental naval department without telling us?”

“Hah hah hah!”

“Heh heh heh!”

“Woof!”

“Heee heee heeeeeee...” Rainbow Dash wheezed through a crooked smile. “Fruit...” She gulped and slowly backed away from the table. Once she was within a stone's throw distance, she spun with a flurry of feathers and glided straight back the way she came.

“Almost... got it...” Autumn Rush licked the edges of her muzzle as she unlocked the last cage. Click! She beamed, backing up from the loosely swinging door. “And there! Now all we have to do is wait for Rainbow Dash to—”

Th-Thap! All four blue hooves in question landed firmly behind her.

“Gaaaaie!” Autumn Rush spun around, gaping at the pegasus. “What are you doing back so soon?!”

“The Diamond Dogs are friggin' idiots,” Rainbow Dash said. “Let's go!”

All of the prisoners exchanged nervous glances.

“Come on!” Rainbow Dash growled, rushing forward and bucking the cage doors wide open, one after another. “Do you wanna stink forever?! Let's go! Go go go go go go times eleventythousand!”

Mare Gear Solid

“Big! Bitchin'! Bitch! Big! Bitchin'! Bitch! Big! Bitchin'! Bitch!”

When Rainbow Dash climbed the top of the metal lattice—which turned out to be the support structure of a massive elevator platform—she found herself staring out onto the hairy legs and legs and legs of an enormous crowd of Diamond Dogs all packed together in a brightly-lit room. The place acted as an auditorium of sorts, in the center of which stood a very familiar canine atop a very familiar mech. Waving a torch in his grasp, the canine leader in shades grinned, posing on the very edge of the B-Cubed.

He wasn't alone. Chained tightly to the top turret of the vehicle with his arms and legs spread was none other than—

“Iron Will...” Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth, murmuring in a hushed voice. “Not cool.”

“Actually, I think it's something of an improvement,” Lancie said with a smirk, peering his stone face over her shoulder. “It's all in the horns. They make half the ornament, really. Very 'country.'”

“Very lame,” Rainbow grunted. She craned her neck and looked out from all corners of the metal platform. “There's gotta be a way to crawl over to him.”

“You mean somewhere that isn't crawling with dog?”

“Shhhh! You're not helping.”

“What's to help? If I wanted to go on a suicide mission, I'd have tossed myself down the mouth of Tartarus and just left you to continue on with your life of doting on an apple-bucker and sobbing yourself to sleep at night.”

“I need to make a list...”

“Of what?”

“Of things to strangle you over once we get back from this mess.” Rainbow Dash slithered out from under the platform. “Here goes nothing.”

“Huh?! What are you up to, exactly?”

“Shhh!” Rainbow Dash shoved Lancie back into her saddlebag. “For once, I'm going to take advantage of how small and petite I am!” she hoarsely whispered.

“Mmmmf—You're small and petite?” Lancie sputtered back.

“Eh...” Rainbow shrugged. “Apparently.” Then, holding her breath, she crept out beneath the legs and knees of the standing, cheering Diamond Dogs. All around and above her, they roared as one, pumping their paws into the air while keeping their eyes locked on the glorious visage of Top Dog.

“Big! Bitchin'! Bitch! Big! Bitchin'! Bitch! Big! Bitchin'! Bitch!”

Top Dog waved a paw from where he stood on the turret above Iron Will's limp figure. He whistled shrilly, silencing the thick crowd of worshipping canines.

“Brothers!” He grinned wide in the torchlight that glittered off the machine beneath him. “Friends! Wagon chasers! Butt sniffers! Lend me your ears!”

Dog Tidings

Silence hung over the dark, night-drenched desert. But not for long.

Brkkkk! A mangy paw burst out from the earth, followed by another, and yet another.

Soon, the whole field of dirt was erupting with miniature explosions of soil and sediment. Hundreds of canines emerged from the depths, coughing up dust and shaking the mud off their coats.

In the center of the group was none other than Top Dog, his chain bandolier in disarray. He straightened a pair of cracked purple shades and hissed into the night.

“She wrecked the Big Bitchin' Bitch... tore apart my city... and took my shard!” He kicked a stone across the earth with a grunt. Then, with shaking limbs, the dog howled, “Brothers, burn this image into your mind: a winged pony with a sky blue coat and a fruity mane! For the moment we find her—by all that is unholy—we will strip the meat from her bones and force-feed it to every pony she cares about!” He reeled about, snarling. “Does everyone get that?!”

“Mmmm... meat...”

“Bones...”

“Nnnnngh—Graaaaugh!” Top Dog pulled at his ears and then started walloping random skulls on either side of him. “You idiots! This is about revenge! Retribution for our fallen city!”

“I dunno, boss. I kinda like the city as it is!”

“Yeah!” Another canine panted. “Lots of room to go digging now!”

“Woof!”

“Dig dig dig!”

“Fine...” Top Dog cracked the joints in his neck and went marching icily across the desert. “If my own flesh and blood are too idiotic, then I'll have to find some creatures who can and will help me.” He licked his teeth and smiled into the night. “Sleep well, my little pony. Because as long as I breathe, your days are numbered...”

Have It Your Way 2: The Re-Having

“And—wouldn't you know it?! Crack! An entire crate full of metal folding chairs explodes, giving him a full arsenal of his very own weapon of choice!” Rainbow Dash said, beaming. “Wanna bet what he does?”

“Mmmf...” Zecora swallowed her latest bite of salad and smiled curiously. “Iron Will punishes the canine brute for the criminal acts that he allowed to take root?”

“Wham! Smack! Fappo!” Rainbow pounded the table-top of the fast food restaurant for emphasis, causing a few ponies to glance over at the mares' table. Nonchalantly, she folded her forelimbs and blew her bangs out from her brow. “You know what they say.” She smirked. “Every dog has its day.” A beat. Her eyes crossed, and she gripped her skull with an inward growl. “Euuugh... now you're making me rhyme!”

Zecora chuckled quietly. “A thousand pardons, Rainbow Dash. I've been told my speech is like an infectious rash.”

“Nah, it's okay. I like it... I like it.” She cleared her throat. “All things in moderation and all that jazz, of course.”

“Did Iron Will successfully defeat this cretin with a skull full of meat?”

“Oh, you bet! Totally saved a whole bunch of enslaved deer and elk and... meese? Mooses? Muss? Dunno how you say—”

“And how, pray tell, did you catch wind of these events that fell?”

“Oh! Uhhhh... Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” Rainbow gulped, navigating a wincing, sweating smile. “A... l-little bird told m-me?”

“Hmmm... So it is more than Fluttershy who converses with creatures that fly.”

“Oh! You bet!” Rainbow flapped her wings. “Pegasi gonna peg, y'know? Why, this one time an albatross told me his life story while I dislodged an arrow from his chest and carried him to the pet hospital.”

“Rainbow Dash, who do you take me for?” Zecora smirked and swallowed down some more lettuce. “I sometimes find you cartoonish to the core.”

“Yeah, well, guilty as charged.” Rainbow leaned back in her chair and examined her hoof. “Though Iron Will totally owned those enslaving diamond dogs. I swear it.”

“I will give you the benefit of a doubt,” Zecora said. “After all, it's fun listening to you get these stories out.”

“Heh... I'm glad for that.” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Most of my friends get tired of hearing tall tails. Y'know, just because a story is kaizo doesn't make it any less worth listening to.”

Zecora paused in her meal with a scrunched muzzle. “Kaizo...?”

“Y'know...” Rainbow waved a hoof. “Crazy? Insane? Wacked out with a tiny sprinkling of awesome?”

“... ... ...”

“Eh... forget it.” Rainbow stifled a burp and gazed at her empty plate of hay fries. “It's a lousy word to rhyme with anyways.”

“Thank you again for treating me,” Zecora said. “You're certain you've had your fill completely?”

“Hmmm? Oh, yeah. I'm good.”

“A pony of your small size could stand to consume some more fries.”

“Darn it, why does everypony insist that I'm smaller than all the rest of my friends?” Rainbow frowned.

Zecora smirked and swallowed another bite. “Because they can no sooner say that the sky is down or that foals sprout out of the ground.”

“Hmmmph...” Rainbow folded her arms and glared out a nearby window. “I'm not small. I'm just... y'know... flitty.”

“You are full of words today that I hardly know. Perhaps you can lend me your dictionary for when we're on the go?”

“Nuh uh... 'cuz then that would be cheating, girl.”

Zecora chuckled and Rainbow Dash smirked.

The Short End of It

“So... uh... you two will be... farming together?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“That is very much the case, indeed,” Zecora said as she trotted gaily through the Everfree Forest. “With every chore, task, and seed.” She turned to smile back at the pegasus. “For what it is worth, we both value tilling the earth. He has the gift of family...” She turned ahead, smiling with her eyes wide shut. “...and I possess the gift of remedy.”

“Well... that... uh... s-sure sounds great, Zecora.”

“Mmmmhmmmm.”

“But, like, does he know that it's about more than just farming?”

“All that needs to be Big Macintosh's concern is that I'm going to assist him with the harvest he's earned.” Zecora bumped into a tree branch, forcing her to open her eyes. Unfazed, the zebra trotted forward, carried by the weight of her smile. “If I can ease his concerns about the farm, then that need be the full extent of my charm.”

“Charm?” Rainbow Dash smirked. “Girl, are you even listening to yourself? You've set up a sweat session, not a candlelight dinner!”

“And you would think that he woud enjoy such a thing? Sincerity and a pair of working hooves are all I've promised to bring.”

“Yes, but—”

“Just being in the same field as him will bring me great joy. And trust me, Rainbow Dash, I know better than to make this thing some trivial ploy.”

“R-right! Of course! Just...” Rainbow Dash fidgeted, rubbing her numb hooves together. “Didja ever once think that—like—despite all the hard work you might do... going out on a limb for him and such... it might... that is... it m-might not...”

“Hmm?” Zecora paused at the door to her hut, blinking back at the pegasus. “It might not what?”

Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth. “I mean... h-he's so soft-spoken. How do you know that he knows... I mean... that he knows that you know that he doesn't know... er....”

Zecora actually giggled. “Rainbow Dash, do not assume that every stallion is clueless.” She smiled. “I'm certain that deep down inside beats the heart of a fiery furnace.”

“Yes, but even still. It might beat for... for...”

Zecora stared up at Rainbow. A smiling muzzle. A warm pair of eyes.

Rainbow gulped and forced a curved pair of lips. “I'm super h-happy for you, Zecora. I guess what I'm trying to say is...” She winced in producing the breath: “I'm also nervous for you.”

“I understand what it means to have one's words frayed and cluttered.” Zecora winked, opened the door, and sashayed in. “And yet, I fear not, for never before has my heart been so a'flutter.”

Rainbow sighed to herself. “A'flutter is right...”

Appledashery

It's hard to say if whether or not Rainbow Dash ever truly feared for her own person. Yes, she was courageous, and, yes, she was daring. This was especially true of those early days, when the only way to do something thoughtful was to do it adventurously and explosively. While I agree that she's changed considerably since, there's still much of the same Rainbow in her today—the Rainbow that's mischievous, that loves fun things, that can only accomplish tasks by the most complicated and convoluted means imaginable, because to do so is to prove that she's somehow alive, and not just—say—some rock lying on a plateau and suffering the slings and arrows of entropy.

There's no denying that a lot of what Rainbow Dash did was self-destructive. Perhaps, in a lot of ways, she was punishing herself. She knew what she wanted and there was always... always a direct path to get there. But she never settled for it. She felt like there was so much in her life that she had to earn, and even then it was some strangely humble act of epic impossiblity, wherein the journey towards achieving something far outshone the very real potential for failing at it.

Anyone who's heard of Rainbow Dash testifies over how much she likes to win.

Anyone who knows her realizes that she's winning all the time, even when she's losing. Because—in the end, with all that Rainbow has gained and lost—she can say with pride that she has done everything her way.

How incomprehensibly rewarding a thing it is to know that she would not end up winning in life alone...

Appledashery

Rainbow Dash was many things at that point in her life, the least of which was clueless. No, that distinction went to her closest friends. I suppose you could say the same about myself as well, but at least I had an excuse.

It's not as though the other ponies could be faulted, either. Rainbow Dash held them at a distance. In a way, she always did, but with the way things had gone since the Gala, Rainbow was becoming more and more of a stranger. It would have been a very sad thing, hadn't she still continued to be a loyal pegasus who would do anything for her dear companions in an instant.

I think we all go through phases where we get caught up in our own private lives, be they epic or underwhelming. Rainbow's life had certainly got adventurous, and it's not as though she lost sight of her priorities. There's just so little time that a pegasus can spend doing the things that are most important.

At least, where Rainbow is concerned, she didn't risk losing her friends or anything terrible like that. However, she did risk losing her sanity. She was soon to discover that the price for living life constantly on the go is that the place you have to come home to reacts like a nasty rash.

Oh so itchy...

Appledashery

Things are never as bad as they seem.

Rainbow Dash taught me this. Not just because she was secretly a worrywort for so friggin' long, but mostly because she's lived long enough and survived enough hardships to realize that sometimes the best things come at the most unpredictable of times.

Stuff was about to get really... really trippy for Rainbow Dash. She didn't know it quite yet, but she was about to endure something that would test the limits of her sanity... not to mention the strength of her heartstrings. Nothing she had gone through before—no matter how awkward or extreme—could possibly have prepared her for the madness to come.

But before that harrowing event, before she found herself in a place where up was down and inside was outside, she had a pleasant week...

A pleasant week spent with pleasant ponies.

Well... pleasant for the most part...

Who Says the Chicken Never Pays Attention?

"I mean it, Rainbow Dash," Stu Leaves said as the two slowly drifted back towards the rest stop below. "You're a really swell friend."

"Hey, I do what I can."

"I mean, not just to Applejack, but to me." Stu Leaves smiled sweetly at her. "So often I'm afraid of doing the stupid think, y'know? Of putting my hoof in my mouth super bad. Or, should I say, doing it again."

"Er..."

"I mean, it's no huge secret that I talk too much." He winced. "I'm doing it right now, am I?" A sigh. "I swear. I'm such a horrible judge of character. I think the reason I like Applejack so much is that she's super honest. Sometimes brutally so. But it's alright! Because the longer I hang out with her, the more I learn about myself, y'know? It's like I start to feel like a better person, because I figure that the more she tolerates me, then I must be improving myself!" He turned to smile at the pegasus. "It's good to know she's got friends who are no less awesome at character testing."

"H-how do you mean?"

"I'm pretty sure that--if you hadn't come along on this trip--I would have done the dumb thing and just... y'know... asked Applejack straight out."

"Yeah..."

"Heh! And can you imagine that happening? Me doing something so dumb and impulsive? Whew. I could have screwed up our friendship real bad."

Rainbow bit her lip, avoiding her gaze.

"I mean, I want what's best for AJ too. I just don't know my own limits, sometimes, y'know? But... but I do now. I'm going to hold back. I mean... we're all better off that way, aren't we?" He grinned wide. "Applejack's got all she needs, and so do I!" He sighed happily, his wings fluttering. "Gosh. It's kind of funny how simple it all is. Can't believe I ever stressed about it for nights on end!"

"Er... right..." Rainbow exhaled slowly through her nostrils. "We're all just... y'know... better as we are."

Stu winked. "Especially when we've got selfless and loyal buddies by our sides, eh?"

"Stu, please... just--"

"Well, two can play at that game." He chuckled. "One of these days, I'm gonna out-loyal you through the floor! Wanna bet?"

"No..." Rainbow gulped. "Not really."

"Awwwww... but you were so eager to bet earlier!"

"Uh huh..."

"Why so stiff?"

"I dunno, Stu." Rainbow clenched her jaw shut, frowning into the lowering horizon. "Does everything have to have an answer? I mean... really?"

Silence.

"Stu...?"

"Oh no..."

"What?" Rainbow Dash glanced over. "What is it?"

"This..." Stu's pupils shrunk. "This is bad." He gulped hard. "This is real... real bad."

"What is?" Just then, Rainbow Dash's heart sank, and her coat turned a paler sheen. "Awwwww crap!" She flitted all over in hyperventilating little bursts. "The cart! The cart!"

"Rainbow Dash..."

"Friggin' A! We promised Applejack we'd watch over it! And fwoooosh I take you up into the clouds and now it's gone! Ah jeez! She's going to kill me! Please say this isn't happening!"

"Rainbow..."

"Oh please oh please oh please..."

Stu tugged at the mare's tail.

She spun around, shivering in-midair.

"... ... ..." Stu smiled. He hovered aside so that his figure no longer strategically blocked the cart and its stack of cider crates from the petite pegasus' perspective. "...made you look."

"... ... ..." Rainbow's brow twitched as her jaw went slack.

"Snkkkkt..." Stu hugged himself, performing little hoofy-kicks in the air. "Ha ha ha ha! Oh Commander Hurricane, spear me! It's like your muzzle's turned to pure strawberries! I've never seen any pegasus blush that hard!"

"What... that... it..." Rainbow wheezed, her voice cracking with every other vowel at this point. "Who taught you how to prank?!"

"Well, something had to melt you!" he said with a smirk. "You were stiff as a board for a moment there!" He bit his lip. "I was hoping you'd laugh or something now that you saw it!"

"Hey Stu, there's something on your nose."

"H-huh?" His eyes crossed. "There is?"

WHAP! Rainbow's tail slammed across his muzzle.

He winced, squinting one eye open. "Oh. I see it now."

"Heheheheheheh..." Rainbow Dash clutched herself, ears tearing. "NOW I'm laughing! Hahahaha!"

"S-so you are!" Stu rubbed his muzzle, blushing slightly. "Heheheh..."

"Whewwwwww..." Rainbow exhaled as she drifted slowly towards the cart. "Been wanting to do that for days."

"For real?"

"Yes. Stu. For real."

"Oh! Uh... me too! Me too..."

Appledashery

I had a long and elaborate prelude planned for the next length of Rainbow Dash's journey. Only... well... no amount of verbosity, no matter how eloquent, can appropriately prepare one for what comes next. This is especially true considering that her journey was about to go to new depths rather than lengths.

Rainbow Dash certainly wasn't prepared for what happened next. And although I'm pretty certain she made it out more than okay in the end, I'm sure she could have done without the craziness and the trippiness and the... erm... well...

I suppose you simply have to read on and make your own assessment. Let's just say that, on the way towards cuddling, there was more than a little bit of head-scratching to be had.

Oh, and cider. Let's not forget the cider. Celestia knows Rainbow never has...

Roboclop

THUNK! A knife embedded in the table above the left knee of the bound diamond dog.

The crowd booed while the blindfolded stallion prepared another dagger.

"Don't worry, folks! He still has eight more!"

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash motioned for Donut Joe and Epcot to creep into the Midnight Reflection's main chamber beside her. The three huddled behind a pile of overturned chairs.

"Okay... so the stakes just got higher," Rainbow muttered. "I think we need to figure out a way to surround them."

"Surround them?! There are only three of us!"

"I mean to distract them!" Rainbow hissed. She pointed at the stage. "If I get up there, I think I can force the curtains to fall."

"What good is that gonna do?"

"Well, I'm hoping it'll give me the time I need to cut Mulia and Gustave loose."

"They'll see you before you even get there on stage."

"That's why I'm going to need a distraction." Rainbow looked aside. "Epcot?"

"Hmmm?" The mare looked over, blinking.

"When I get to the stage, I'm going to need you to come out of hiding and gather the stallions' attention. You think you can ball it up?"

"Oh, Rainbow." The mare winked. "For you, I'd hypercube it."

"Uhhh... sure." Rainbow took a deep breath and looked over at the stallion. "Meanwhile, Joe, you prepare to double back and meet us at the alleyway. We're going to need a swift exit, and you're our door pony. Got it? Now let's get moving."

"What's the hurry?" He asked, shrugging. "So long as we're quiet, they won't catch us, right?"

TH-THUNK! A bloody impact noise stifled the whimpering death rattle of a diamond dog. The entire room exploded with cheer and applause.

Donut Joe grimaced.

"Exactly..." Rainbow Dash slinked away. "Epcot, keep your eye on me and get ready."

"Affirmativacon!"

Rainbow vaulted over a dirty sofa, rolled, and squatted low—holding her breath. Out of the peripheral of her vision, she saw the stallion pivoting and setting up the second table in his sights. As another knife flew through the air, followed by disappointed grunts, she scurried her way to the stage.

Soon, she squatted at the front of the room, her body flattened against a collapsed shelf. One more shuffling move, and she'd be within perfect eyesight of all the stallions in the room. It was then that she peaked her head out, made eye contact with a chaperone across the way, and nodded.

Epcot saluted back, held her breath, and—FLASH!—flitted into the air on steam and enchantment. Twirling, the sphere soared over the heads of the stallions, forming a sharp whistle in the air as she zipped left and right. "YES. NO. YES. NO. YES."

"The buck is that?!" The blindfolded stallion tilted his head up, grimacing. "I'm trying to skewer me a buffalo here!"

"Holy crud, boys!" A stallion ducked as the sphere whizzed overhead. "It's gotta be one of the Queen's contraptions!"

"Well smack it! Maybe it's got a functioning steam core we could scrap!"

The stallions griped and grumbled, grabbing whatever they could and struggling to bat the object out of the air. Epcot merely flew higher and higher, causing the ponies to clamber and fight over each other.

With a sharp breath, Rainbow Dash hopped onto the stage, rushing immediately for Gustave and Mulia.

"Rainbow Dash!" Mulia Mild wheezed, eyes wide. "You... you..." She blinked. "...are you wearing leather."

"No time to talk!" Rainbow galloped past her, fiddling with a series of ropes rigging the stage curtain to the ceiling. "I'm getting you out of here!"

"My beak for a bowl of fudge putting!" Gustave wheezed, eyes rolling back. "With oceans of maple syrup!"

Rainbow's muzzle scrunched as she fiddled with the coiled material. "The hay is his problem?"

"He... never really acclimated since he was dragged out of his dreamworld," Mulia said, shuddering. "This rotten place has seen us shoveled from one terrible cage to another."

"Well, suffer no more!" Rainbow grinned as she pulled the rope completely loose. "For the Blue Jay is here to—"

THUD! The entire frame of the curtain fell, collapsing ineffectually to the stage's floor and exposing the group completely.

"—rescue you." Rainbow blinked, ruby eyes wide.

The six dozen stallions stopped trying to smack Epcot out of the air. At the sound of the intensely thudding curtain, they turned and gawked at the stage.

"It's... it's..."

"The Blue Jay!"

"She's stealing our fun!"

The knife-wielding stallion raised his blindfold, frowning. "She's meat." And, with a grunt, he readied an expert blade to be thrown in Rainbow's direction.

"Nyeeeugh!" Donut Joe jumped up, tossing a chair across the lobby.

TH-THAP! The stallion jolted from the impact, tossing the knife at random.

CL-CLANK! It embedded into the floor just inches from Rainbow's hooves.

"Yeah!" Donut Joe pumped his hoof in the air. "Canterlot, motherbucker—!" His ears drooped as his eyes reflected a sea of angry stallions and even angrier-looking weapons. "Awww poop puddles."

"Get him!" Several stallions rushed forward.

TH-THWISSH! Epcot flew down, ricocheting off several ponies' skulls. They collapsed with grunts while the others pounced on the ball, restraining it with their combined weight.

"Epcot!" Rainbow's voice cracked.

"What in Equestria is going on?!" Mulia stammered.

Rainbow gulped. "Nothing good! Come on!" She yanked and pulled at the binds pinning the mule to the table, then rushed over to do wth same with Gustave. However, just as she got the two loose—

"Gaaaugh! Lemme go!" Donut Joe snarled, trying to slam his hooves into the stallions dogpiling him. "Dirty punks! I'll knock your cream filling out!"

"Joe!" Rainbow shouted. She turned and stared off the stage, frowning. "Let him go, ya melon fudges!" She flung her wings out to her side, glided out, and threw herself into the stallions wrestling Joe. With agile grace, she kicked several of them to the floor and hoisted Joe up to his side. "Okay, quick, we gotta fetch Epcot and—"

Ch-Chtung! The first of several steam-powered rifles were aimed at Rainbow's skull.

"You're not going anywhere, Blue Jay," a stallion in the center of the group said, smirking as his companions held the Epcot sphere to the floor. "As a matter of fact, I think you just made us incredibly rich today."

Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth. She looked up to the stage to see a quartet of stallions having rushed up to restrain Mulia and Gustave. "Goddess dang it..."

"Pray to whoever you wish," the lead thug said, trotting closer. "I don't care what happens to your soul, so long as your skin is mine to pelt." He smirked, summoning several chuckles from his criminal compatriots. "If you were smart, girl, you would have left the Queen's city long before—" He stopped in mid-speech, for his body was shaking.

Every ponies' bodies were shaking.

As a matter of fact, the entire nightclub shook from its very foundation. Clumps of moldy roof material fell in a halo over the group, and several of the walls buckled.

"What in the Hell...?!" the lead thug stammered.

Rainbow Dash blinked, then turned to look towards the furthest wall. Just then, the building split in two, and a steaming metal behemoth burst through the walls.

POWWW!

Gustave and Mulia winced.

Donut and the stallions around him wheezed from the rising dust. Within seconds, everypon heard a shrill scream. They looked up to see a group of guards being flung across the lobby, their limbs flailing.

"Aaaaaaaagh!" Th-thap!

"Oh for crying out loud..." The lead guard grunted. "First the Blue Jay... now the Red Rook!"

"Huh?!" Rainbow Dash stammered as Epcot—now freed—flew up by her head. "Red Rook...?!"

Stomp! Stomp! St-Stomp! A mechanical quadruped marched into the room, powered by steam and brass-studded hydraulics. Mists and compressed air vented out of the metal stallion's joints. At last, after groaning to a stop and extending a steam-powered gatling gun, the front of the mech peeled back, showing off a stallion's sweaty face.

"Give up my friends or give up your organs, ya stinky faced jerks!" the stallion inside wheezed.

Flash! Epcot materialized with a bright grin. "Hey! The gang's all here!"

"Ah jeez..." Rainbow Dash grimaced. "...Stu? Stu, what in the heck are you wearing?"

Stu's eyes darted to his machine rig, then back at the mare. "...awesomeness." WHURRRRR! He swung a metal hoof and flung clumps of furniture at the screaming thugs. Within a second, he charged forward, plowing through body after body and tossing the creeps against the walls of the place. "In the name of the Red Rook—lie down and surrender!"

Rainbow Dash, Joe, and Epcot looked on as the melee tore past them through the lobby.

"...he ain't kidding," Rainbow droned.

Well, Excuuuuuuuse Me, AJ

Rainbow Dash gawked at her, mouth agape. With folded ears, she murmured, "Applejack... it's me! Rainbow Dash! Don't..." She gulped. "D-don't you remember?"

"I'm so very sorry," Apple Jewell said, blinking with concern. She spoke in a soft, velvety tone that was unbecoming of her. "But you have me at a disadvantage. My name is Princess Apple Jewell, heir to the throne of Queen Serenity Shindig, and possessor of the key to Philanthropy."

"But... b-but..."

"Are you not feeling well?" Apple Jewell shuffled forward, skirts trailing. She leaned her freckled, powdered face to the side. "You poor thing, you're out of breath! Perhaps you made a wrong turn somewhere."

"This can't be happening..." Rainbow Dash held a hoof to her forehead as she teetered. "This seriously. totally can't be happening...!"

"Shhhh... it's okay, sugarcube." Applejack rested a hoof on the pegasus' shoulder. "Just calm down. Take a few deep breaths. Try to remember how you came here."

"I... I'm here because... b-because..."

"I hate to tell ya that most ponies ain't really allowed in here." Apple Jewell smiled coyly. "But I'm certain Shindig and her sons will make an exception in yer case, seein' as how confused y'all are."

"An... exception?"

"Well, at least I think they will." The Cider Princess smiled sheepishly. "They only executed three out of the last five servants who trotted in here without askin'."

"Uhhhhh..."

"Say!" Apple Jewell squinted. "Them's some elaborate duds yer sportin'." She pointed at the corset and the leather wings on Rainbow's back. "Why, if I didn't know better, I'd say you resembled the Blue Jay."

"Blue... Jay...?" Rainbow was just then starting to come out of her fog of confusion and frustration.

"Hold on just a second..." Applejack's usually deep voice briefly surfaced. Her brow furrowed. "Yer mane. Yer coat. That rasp in yer voice."

Rainbow's heart skipped a beat. She leaned forward. "Yeah...?"

Apple Jewell gulped. "You really are the Blue Jay, ain'tcha?"

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash took a sharp breath. "Yes." She stepped forward, hoof stomping. "And I have to get you out of here!"

"Oh my stars and garters..." Apple Jewell leaned back, hugging herself. "I knew this tower couldn't hold me forever!"

"It's for your own good—!"

"I do declare, Shindig's loyal forces will do everythang in their power to stop you—!"

"But... th-that's just the thing!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. "You can't trust Shindig!"

"Hmmphh!" Apple Jewell frowned, upturning her nose. "I reckoned y'all would say that, ya thievin' vagabond—!"

"No, I-I'm serious!" Rainbow pointed outside. "She's wanting to feed you to that crazy death door and use your spirit to bring back her dead husband, Philanthropy!"

"I beg yer pardon...?"

"She and her sons, Flim and Flam, couldn't care less about what happens to you on the day of Coronation or afterwards! Don't you see?!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "They're using you to try and do something super crazy stupid!"

"How does any of this factor in to you gettin' all of Philanthropy's riches?"

"Dang it! It doesn't!" Rainbow snarled, then pleaded. "Please, you gotta follow me! I promise I won't hurt you! I just gotta get you out of this Tower and away from this crazy family before it's too late! Too late for you, AJ!"

Apple Jewell blinked, lips pursed. "But... b-but..."

"Look, all that matters is that you are safe," Rainbow said, stretching out a hoof. "I don't care about this city. I don't care bout the riches. I don't even care about these fake-flank wings! I came to get you out, and nothing more."

The Cider Princess took a deep breath. "Ya really aren't gonna take 'no' for an answer, are y'all?"

Rainbow vigorously shook her head.

Gulping, Apple Jewell sighed and reached her hoof forward. "Alright. Since there's no arguin' with ya, darlin'..."

Rainbow's breath left her as their hooves made contact. She had to compose herself in time to say, "Awesome... you won't regret this. I promise."

Apple Jewell smiled nervously.

Rainbow's heart fluttered, and for the first time in ages she emitted a tiny squeak of joy from deep within. "Right..." She turned and tugged on the Princess' forelimb. "Let's roll!"

It's Fun to Be Free

Stu Leaves' head nodded and nodded. His ears drooped and his lips pursed with thin breaths wafting off the edge of unconsciousness. He dangled from the chains fastened to the jail cell's walls.

Just then, a pair of hooves reached up and grasped his restraints, unlatching the fetters. He slumped forward with a groan—only to be caught in strong blue forelimbs. Weakly, he fluttered his eyes open. A faint smile crossed his muzzle. "Rainbow..."

"Easy there, ya dork," Rainbow muttered, helping the stallion down into a sitting position. "Looks like they were extra cruel to you."

"Yeah, well..." Stu grimaced. "...I wasn't exactly easy on any of Shindig's constructs."

"Still, it's no excuse," Rainbow said, checking Stu's limbs. "You seem no worse for wear."

"Easier said than done." He shuddered, glancing aside. "Hmmm... huh?"

He saw Donut Joe, Mulia Mild, and Gustave le Grande, all freed from their chains and stretching their limbs.

"How... when...?" Stu craned his neck to look past Rainbow's shoulder.

Right outside the open prison cell, the floor was littered with unconscious guards.

Stu blinked. "How in Goddess' name did you manage all of that?"

Rainbow smiled bashfully. "Yeah, well, I didn't exactly do it all on my lonesome." She turned to look.

"Uuuguuuu..." Epcot teetered dizzily. She leaned against a wall with a goofy smile. "Now I know how Captain Eo feels like after putting put out a fire!"

"Were you followed here?" Gustave asked. "We're pretty deep in Shindig's hovel."

"All I've left was a pile of bucked bodies," Rainbow said.

"So... they can totally trace you to here?!" Donut Joe remarked, eyebrow arched.

Rainbow blinked. "... ... ...oops."

"Let's not worry about anything until it's actually a problem," Mulia Mild stated. She trotted out to the edge of the cell and peered out into the nearby hallway. "We should be getting out of here. And soon."

"Yeah, well, you guys can get out," Rainbow said. "Now that I'm this far deep—"

"You're going after Applejack, aren't you?" Stu asked.

Rainbow nodded, smirking. "You bet."

"And how do you plan to get her—and the rest of us—out of here?"

Rainbow's smirk left.

Stu sighed, head rolling back. "Rainbowwwww... please tell me you thought ahead for once."

"H-hey! Come on!" Rainbow shrugged. "Gimme a break! I'm super good at flying in one direction."

"Uhm..." Donut Joe blinked. "Am I the only pony confused about what's going on, exactly?"

Rainbow glared his way. "Go back a chapter." She looked at Stu. "I'm not the only one who plots only two steps ahead."

"Yes, well..." Stu stumbled to stand up, and Rainbow helped him. "Ggrnngh... I... I-I guess it was pretty crazy of me to have just tossed you into the ravine like that."

"Heh... no kidding."

"I sure am sorry, Rainbow," Stu sighed, then smirked. "But... hey... it worked, didn't it?"

"Darn tootin'." Rainbow winked back. "And now I'm going to get Applejack back."

"Wait..." Mulia blinked. "Just you?"

"We've had enough of this masquerade!" Gustave barked.

"And I'll get you guys out! I promise!" Rainbow grumbled. "But either we get out of here as a group or we don't—"

"Do not confuse our anger for cowardice!" Gustave said, lifting a talon. "None of us want to spend one more minute in this garbage pile! And none of us should wish that on your fair friend Applejack!"

"Yeah... let's spring this pretty chicken of yours out of this coop!" Donut Joe exclaimed. "Anything to stick it to this Shindig moron!"

"I second that!" Mulia uttered, then blinked. "Erm... or third it!"

Rainbow blinked at them. Then smiled. "Well, how do you like that? Very well then, buckos, let's try and figure out a way to make this work." She looked Epcot's way. "You hear that, girl?"

"Well, six to a vehicle is sort of pushing it... but hey!" Epcot grinned. "Let's get this world in motion!"

Was It Worth the Wait?

Flim and Stu tumbled together—hoof in hoof—until Flim flung Stu off with a pronounced grunt.

Stu flipped and landed nimbly between the seat aisles with agile pegasus grace. Dragging his hoof across the floor, he snarled and galloped straight forward. He lifted off... only to land flat on his chest. "Oooof!" He grimaced—more at his own ineptitude than the pain. "Oh right. Forgot." He wheezed. "No wings..."

"You...!" Flim stood up on a pile of torn chairs, frowning across the rubble-strewn battlescape of the ampitheatre. "You're a part of the problem! Why'd you have to support that crazy mare?!" He swung a hoof through the air. "We could have thrown you into oblivion the very moment you trespassed upon the dream, ol' chap! But instead, we chose to be merciful."

"You call any of this merciful?!" Stu barked.

"We gave you paradise!" Flim shouted, stomping a hoof. "We gave you everything you ever wanted!"

"What I want..." Stu snarled, pointing at the stage. "...is for you to leave innocent ponies alone! Especially my friends!" He looked towards the stage. "I know that what you have right now feels perfect! I can only imagine it feels comfortable and right. But it's not!" Stu's eyes squinted. "I had that feeling too, but it wasn't real! It wasn't honest! And Rainbow Dash helped me break through! Now you have to break through, Applejack!"

Apple Jewell clung to Shindig, her frightened eyes locked on the stallion. "Break... through...?"

"The honest Applejack I know wouldn't settle for this!" Stu exclaimed. "She'd realize that something wasn't right and she'd do everything in her power to—" Flim flung a clump of debris into Stu's side. "Ooof!"

"Frederick!" Shindig gasped.

"Don't look, mother!" Flim bounded over the rubble and broken bits of concrete, charing Stu's figure. "I shall deal with this riff raff!"

"Unhoof us first!" Shindig said, frowning as she struggled to break free from the tendrils of manipulated dreamscape. "Then we'll discuss who is or isn't riff raff!"

Apple Jewell was trembling at this point.

"Don't be afraid, my darling," Shindig said, caressing the Princess with her wingfeathers. "All of this will... c-come to light, somehow..."

"I'm not afraid. I'm... I'm..." Apple Jewell's green eyes darted across the stage. She spotted the likes of Big Mac, Twilight Sparkle, Braeburn, and Rarity battling the guardians of Philanthropy. "... ... ...I'm trapped. I feel... feel..."

A loud roar emanated from below the stage.

Apple Jewell turned to look. She gasped.

"Haaaaaaaugh!" Flim was flinging a broken steel pipe down at Stu's skull.

Stu threw his forelimbs up, blocking the bludgeon with crossed hooves. He squirmed on the floor of the ampitheatre, struggling against the weight of Flim's weapon.

"Give it up... Red Rook!" Flim snarled. "It's just a matter of time before my brother defeats that loyal imbecile you've frolicked in here with!" His horn glowed. "And then we're sealing you outside the dream for good."

The pipe in his grasp morphed to a lashing hydra's head. The thing's reptilian jaws hissed and bit at Stu's fetlock, spilling blood.

"Aaaaaugh!" Stu shrieked in pain, writhing.

Flim glared through a disheveled mane, his eyes seeing red. "You... and every other pretender who's defiled this realm will be cast through the door! Let's see your heroics rise up after that, you vanglorious shining knight—"

Swissssssh—CLANG! A steaming sphere flew in and ricocheted off the back of Flim's skull.

"Aaaaugh!" He stumbled forward, losing his grip of the shape-shifting bludgeon "Hellfire!"

Stu gnashed his teeth, yanked the yelping hydra-head off his bloodied hoof, and flung it straight at Flim's cranium.

The wriggling serpentine mass wrapped around Flim's neck like a noose. The stallion stumbled backwards, hissing for breath.

"Grnnngh!" Stu cartwheeled forward, landed in reverse, and bucked both rear legs into Flim's chest.

"Ooomf!" Flim fell back—crashing through several seats. He rolled off, stumbling to get back up, his horn fluctuating in a dark miasmic glow.

Stu winced, teetering sideways on three good limbs. The steaming sphere materialized beside him, with the cute mare perching on a chunk of rubble.

"You okies, Leavies?" the chaperone asked, violet eyes wide.

"Yes... thanks for the assist, Epcot..." Stu's nostrils flared. "I could hug you for a lot of things."

"Aren't there a whole bunch of punches to be made between here and now?"

"Yes..." Stu spat, then thundered angrily towards Flim. "Lots... and lots of punching." He reeled back, then lunged forward. "Haaaaaaugh—!"

Flim looked up—blinking—and promptly wished he hadn't. WHACK! The only thing that flew faster than his grunting voice was his teeth.

I See A Red Door

Far away, inside the upper heart of Shindig Tower...

The deathly door lay still in its frame, unaffected by the distant colossal battle that echoed through the walls. Then—all of the sudden—the frame started to rattle... then shake... then buckle completely. With a sickening snap, the door ripped off its hinges and flew like an obsidian monolith straight through the body of the tower. Not only did the impervious portal rip through walls and tear down doors, but it trailed behind a cloudy vapor of unearthly dark miasma. The building didn't just crumble behind it, it wrinkled and shrank away, absorbed into a bright blue haze of ruptured dreamscape.

Then slowly—meter by meter—the rest of the conjured matter vanished into absent thought. The entire dream was imploding at an exponential rate, summoning a demonic rush of air that billowed faster and faster into the tight lacerations left behind by the descending door.

Within minutes, Shindig Tower collapsed in on itself—both falling and flying into a pinpoint singularity several hundred feet above the dangling platforms. Nearby buildings leaned towards it, peeling off their foundations while rivers of steel and plaster dribbled into the lacerated dream void like faucet water.

Lengths of pipework bent and ruptured, pivoting to face the source of the tear. Industrial turbines twirled about, facing the void and spinning like mad.

All the while, the black sliver of a portal flew through the mess, dragging a widely growing swath of torn reality. It twirled, unfurling onyx steam in every direction. It descended on the ampitheatre like a grim kite, growing faster and faster with momentum.

Clean Up, Aisle Fillyda

With a little help from Donut Joe, Rainbow Dash hobbled across the flickering scene. The fire from the collapsed cider mill had been contained, and the police had corded off the smoldering remains. Night had fallen, and—with the aid of several lightning bug lamps and glowing horns—several groups of Fillyda's finest did their best to scour the site for clues and evidence.

Stu Leaves was talking to an officer, staring at the debris, when he heard Rainbow's approach. The stallion turned around and instantly beamed. "Rainbow! Oh my gosh!" He galloped over and skidded to a stop, scattering dirt and leaves. "I mean... it's... it's really good to see you up and at 'em! You had me worried for a moment there!"

"You kiddin'?" Donut Joe smirked, patting Rainbow's shoulder before parting ways with the mare. "She's fit as a fiddle! Just needed a little pick-me-up!"

Stu glanced from the stallion to her. "Pick me up?"

"Yes, uhhhh..." Rainbow glanced back at the wagon. She had tucked her belongings under one of the wheels... along with a deeply obscured shard of dark stone. "...just a little piece of home." She turned towards him with a shuddering sigh. "I'm okay." She gulped, smiling. "Really."

"Isn't this crazy?" Stu shook his head, gesturing at the mess. "And after all the nightmares we endured, those two still got away." He gnashed his teeth. "Wh-what was I thinking?! I had my wings! For Celestia's sake! Gustave and I could have flown after them and—"

"Stu..."

"They have no reason being let loose on Equestria! Those scumbags care about as much for equine life as—"

"Stu," Rainbow wheezed. "What matters is that you helped get the bunch of us out safely." She winced slightly. "Luna knows I wasn't very useful when I needed to be..." She fidgeted in place, her limbs still tingling. "Eheh..."

"Are you kidding?" Stu gaped at her. "You were the whole reason we survived in there! I dunno what empowers you, Rainbow. Some sort of... of... pegasus zen or something... but it's amazing." Stu gulped a lump down his throat. "We'd all be living vegetables if you hadn't saved the day."

"Mrmmfff... yeah, well..." Rainbow gazed aside at a group of police officers carrying something towards a colored wagon. "...I wouldn't have gotten close to saving the day if you haven't thrown yourself into Cider Space... ... ...and inspired me..." Her eyes narrowed.

In the flicker of lanternlight, Rainbow saw the unmistakable glint of a curved goblet. The ancient artifact's smooth black surface wasn't the least bit scratched by the collapsing cider mill. The mare watched as the Fillyda officers fully confiscated the item, locking it inside a thick trunk.

"Just... just what happened in there, Rainbow?"

"Hmmm?" Rainbow turned back to look at Stu.

He was gazing at her with a soft expression. "I thought all was lost. The dream ripped apart. The whole lot of us went flying off into the waking world... but you? You stayed behind. What did you do?"

"Uhhhh..."

"I mean... Applejack was unreachable!" Stu exclaimed. "She was the 'Cider Princess!' Shindig's sons had her under her spell! I... I was so devastated when I woke. But then..." He exhaled, his wingtips fluttering as he smiled. "...then Applejack woke up... as strong and as clear as any other day. I know it must have been you, somehow. You did something awesome to bring her back, didn't you?"

"Heh... eh heh heh..." Rainbow slicked her mane back, avoiding his gaze. She mentally thanked the darkness of night for obscuring her blushing features. "It was something awesome, alright."

Stu chuckled as well. Then, after a moment, he went silent. "Did... did you see Epcot before you woke up?"

Rainbow's pupils shrank. She looked off. "Yeah..."

"Was she... I mean... did... did she look...?"

"She's the same thing she's always been, Stu," Rainbow muttered. "An invention of alicorns, made to serve as an eternal guardian of an empty dream world."

Stu winced. "She's... alone there now without us, isn't she?"

Rainbow nodded, staring at the ground. "Pretty much."

"I... uh... I guess she's always been like that."

"Yeah, but only now—thanks to us—I bet she realizes it."

Stu bit his lip. Clearing his throat, he nevertheless said, "But... she gave us her all. She did everything she could to make sure we got out of there... all of us. I... I think she'd be happy, Rainbow."

"Hmmm?"

Stu smiled at her. "To know that we did it. You did it." He sniffled slightly. "You saved Applejack."

Rainbow's ears twitched. Fumbling, she leaned forward. "Uhm... speaking of which... where is AJ anyway?"

Stallion Your Ground

Clink!

A stallion wearing a Fillyda Highway Patrol uniform placed the Alicorn Chalice atop a counter deep inside the Orlandoats City Impound.

"Well, sure is a darn funny lookin' thang, ain't it?" the officer remarked, tilting his broad hat back. "By the look of them demon wings, it sorta screams 'evil' all over it."

"T'ain't evil, Ted," another officer groaned from across the office. He shuffled past an electric fan and shuffled through several papers. "It's just old, that's all. The nasty ponies who used it to curse a bunch of northerners are the evil ones."

"You reckon they'll be comin' back to try and wrangle this thing off before we have a chance of haulin' it to the Magician's Guild?" Ted turned to look back at the other officer. "Once it gets into them unicorns' hooves, it's a one-way ticket to Equestria!"

"Pffft! Ain't no way!" The other stallion chuckled. "We'll be guardin' that goblet with an armed escort of over two dozen of Orlandoats' finest! They'd have to have a whole dang dragon migration with 'em if they want to get anywhere near the evidence!"

FLASH! All of the sudden, the chalice vanished. Ted turned to look at it—but did a double-take, gawking at a blank counter.

"Nope. Celestia can thank her lucky stars—or her sister's lucky stars—that the finest police in all of Fillyda can deliver her relic on time!"

"Uhhhhh..." Ted fidgeted in place.

"Everythang alright, Ted? You sound a might bit touched!"

"I'm... uh..." Ted took his hat off, fanned himself, and shuffled off. "...I'mgonnagoonbreak."

"... ... ...huh?"

==Part Sixteen: Ponyville With a Side of Life Slices==

==Part Sixteen: Ponyville With a Side of Life Slices==

"And after that, the Windmill District is going to need a fresh batch of lumber from the warehouse," Stamps said, shuffling through papers across his desk. Ponies, stallions, workers of Banner Company trotted every which way behind him, carrying supplies left and right. "They're also going to need every box of nails and screws that they can get. A visit to the hardware store just won't cut it. So, if you can relate to me your weather flying schedule for the rest of the week, I'll do my best to work around it so that you can make your regular flights to the windmill. Okay, Rainbow?"

Silence.

At last, Stamps looked up, squinting. "...Rainbow Dash?"

The mare stared at him. Her muzzle hung slightly agape. A stallion or two trotted past her, and she flinched slightly, eyelashes fluttering. She continued to stand there, lost in a thick stupor.

Stamps' eyebrow arched. "Is everything okay there, Rainbow?"

"I... uhm..." Her eyes traced the ordinary architecture of the warehouse, its aisles and aisles of stacked boxes and crates. "Yeah... erm... the Windmill District. Lumber. I-I got it."

Stamps' nostrils flared. "Honestly. You just came back from vacation. I figured your days of zoning out were over."

"Yeah, well..." She reached towards the desk and grabbed her work order. "It wasn't that kind of a vacation." That said, she turned tail and walked out.

Stamps watched on in curious silence.

Pensively, Rainbow Dash stepped out onto the soft soil of Ponyville. Her hooves squeezed the soft, rich dirt of the central pathway. She tilted her head up, squinting at brilliant afternoon sun. Then, with a soft breath, she looked across the quaint rooftops and verdant trees populated with twittering songbirds.

Everything was gentle, vibrant, and lovely.

A warm breath rolled through her. She would have smiled, but something about the gesture felt painful. With a slight shudder, she spread her wings, flew towards the warehouse across town, and flexed her muscles in preparation for the heavy delivery job at hoof.

Part Sixteen: Ponyville With a Side of Life Slices
(Where Rainbow Dash counts her blessings)

The Letter to End All Letters, One

"Y'all come back now, ya hear?"

Applejack waved at the two ponies trotting off with their barrel of apples. Smiling to herself, she tossed the fresh bits into the pocket of her white apron and turned around. The mare whistled casually while strolling around to the other side of her fruit cart.

A winged shadow crossed her figure.

The mare looked up, tilting the brim of her brown hat back to see better. Almost instantly, her green eyes lit up.

"Why... howdy, Rainbow!" Her freckles gleamed in the afternoon sun. "What can I do ya for?"

You and I have been best gal pals for only a short while, but time could easily have fooled me. For real, though, it feels like we've known each other for years. Decades. So much stuff has happened these past few seasons, and even more in just the last hoof-full of months. And I don't mean all the stuff with Twilight Sparkle showing up and us becoming the Elements of Harmony and stuff. I'm talking about the moment that I first arrived in Ponyville. The moment I first became the town's most awesome weather flier. The moment I first met you. It seems so long ago, but it means a lot to me.

There's a chance you might be a bit freaked out as to why I'm writing you an actual honest-to-Celestia letter. Really, though, I don't blame you. I barely read anything as it is. So why bother writing stuff? Only, I figured out that this was the best way to share with you my feelings. That might freak you out too, seeing as I've not really done that before. But there's a first time for everything, right? And even if it's the last time... well... it's just something I have to get off my chest. I promise that everything's okay and it's nothing to be worried about. Though you might be a bit weirded out, and that's okay too... but...

You know what? Ignore that previous paragraph all you want. I'm just getting warmed up. Yeah, I know I could just scratch it all out and pretend I never wrote it, but that would defeat the purpose of this... whatever this is. So, if you please, bear with me, and I'll make everything clear... crystal clear. Just like how it's all coming to me now. I can barely hold onto the pen from how much my hooves are shaking. Whew, this is intense. Even so, here it comes...

The Letter to End All Letters, Seven

Months and months ago...

Rainbow Dash winced, having crash-landed deep into the soils of Sweet Apple Acres.

A low voice drawled affectionately, and soon Rainbow felt a strong hoof pulling her up.

Rainbow gazed up, and a pair of emerald eyes gazed back.

And everything inside her collapsed all at once.

I'm not expecting anything from you after reading this.

I'm not expecting for you to return any of the affection. I mean, of course that would make my whole world, but that's not the point. I know you're not into mares. I know that the closest thing you have to a romantic dream is to have a stallion to depend on, who can help you continue the Apple Family and whatnot. That's fine. That's more than fine. That's cool and that's awesome—because it's you, and it's what you want. And I want you to have everything you would ever want in this world, AJ.

But just know that no matter what happens—whether we become closer, or even if you never want to hear from me ever again—I will always love you. I will be your friend, your confidant, your sister in Harmony—if you will have me.

And no matter how long or short our friendship lasts, or how close we become or how great the distance grows between us...

I will love you forever and ever, Applejack, as I love you now. For you have saved my life more times than you can count. You have improved me, transformed me, and inspired me—just by being you.

And I would want nothing less than for you to be you. Some ponies win the day the very moment that they were foaled. I couldn't think of a better trophy to be around. And the fact that I'm counted as one of your best friends makes me the luckiest mare to be alive. And it is a good life... a very good life. I understand that now.

And I thank you.

Sincerely,

-Rainbow Dash

Appledashery

I can remember the time that Apple Bloom got sick quite vividly.

Truth be told, all of Ponyville can remember it, because nopony in town had experienced something quite that dramatic before. I mean, yes, we had our fair share of ursa minor attacks, parasprite infestations, and maybe a cloud of dragon smog or two. But those situations were over as swiftly as they began. Having the Elements of Harmony living in town was certainly a goddess-send, and even with the Everfree Forest lingering right in our back yards we still felt immeasurably safe.

But Apple Bloom's snake bite was the first time anypony could remember all of our harmonic gifts being rendered... well... essentially helpless. Or at least at the time we thought they were helpless. Little did we know that the strongest and most nebulous Element of all... Loyalty... was about to deliver a sharp curve.

On one hoof, we can pen it all on Rainbow Dash's elusive personality at the time. But, I think in reality, none of us had the proper scope to believe in the power of dedication... of loyalty...

The power of true, true love.

Rainbow Dash's adventures had started out as experimental ventures into badflankery... with the fringe benefit of helping out the mare she absolutely adored. I was lucky enough to have a brief glimpse into what would be her wildest excursion yet, a risk that was purposefully taken into formidable territory with one purpose and one purpose alone: to purge the venom that had cursed Applejack's beloved family... and restore the joy in her household.

I only wished I was there... to remember vividly as Rainbow did... her most glorious, shining moment yet.

Praise Celestia, she told me all about it later. I think about it every now and then when I feel the need to smile.

I've Been Dashin' Against the Wind

"Uhhhhh..." Lancie gulped, clinging tight to Rainbow Dash's saddlebag as the winds picked up, fiercer and fiercer. "Sparkyyyy?"

"Just hold on, dude!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "I gotta give this a shot!"

"Give what a shot, exactly?!"

"I said hold on—!"

And Rainbow Dash's teeth gnashed as she threw herself towards the sharp cliffs that marked the top of the widely-stretching plateau. The first gust of air nearly blew Lancie off like a feather. He dug his stone talons into the straps of the backpack and flailed. Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash beat and blurred her wings—only to glide in place, stalled by the sheer force of the hurricane force winds.

"Rnnngh... gnnnnghhh!" Rainbow Dash's neck pulsed with throbbing arteries as every aching muscle struggled against the impossible forces. "Grkkkt-kkktt!"

"Enjoying your Dash Ball Z impression there, my little pony?!" Lancie bellowed into the tempest. "Face it! You're going nowhere fast! And if you ask me, that's a lousy thing to have etched onto your—"

"Gaaaaie!" Rainbow's wings collapsed. She fell, twirled, plummeted, and evened out at the last second. Fw-Fw-Fwump! She rolled to an awkward stop on stone earth, dropping Lancie against a patch of gravel behind her.

"—tombstone!" the statue wheezed, his stone eyes rotating in opposite directions. "Cantering continuums, girl!" He sat up, smacking the cobwebs out of his rocky skull. "Just what was that all about?!"

"I... figured... that I... could pierce my way... past them..." Rainbow panted and wheezed.

"Them what exactly?" Lancie folded his arms with an indignant glare. "I have to say—I don't recognize any of this nonsense." He smirked slightly. "Though the inexplicable nature of it is a snazzy touch."

"Mehhhh..." THUD! Rainbow collapsed on her flank, staring up into the sky.

"Honestly, this is about as new to me as new gets," Lancie said, rubbing his rigid goatee as he stared up at the windblown line of solid, rocky cliffs. The geological phenomenon stretched in front of them like a sheer wall. "That, and a few parking lots we flew over. Speaking of which, this place could certainly use a shopping mall or two to liven it up."

"Mrmmmfffgh... the Gusty Gates."

"I'm fine, how are you."

"No no... what I mean is..." Rainbow sat up, sighing. "I'm pretty sure these are the Gusty Gates."

"Pffft! I'd hope so!" Lancie smirked. "That'd be a lousy name for a toll road!"

"Lancie, I'm serious!" Rainbow frowned, then cast a lethargic gaze at the impenetrable cliffs. "Twilight told me about it. Out here, there's supposed to be long... long wall that permanently separates Equestria from the rest of the continent. It totally stretches on and on for—like—thousands of miles."

"And where was this snazzy thing when I was around last?!"

"It probably wasn't," Rainbow grumbled. "It was built only a few thousand years ago."

"Some whack-job built this mind-numbing thing?" Lancie whistled. "I must say, I'm impressed."

"According to Twi, While the ponies were busy dealing with Windigoes and cold snaps, the griffons were dealing with all of the other nasty-nasties that used to roam Equestria. Back then, even griffons had magic, and lots of monsters preyed on them for it." Rainbow pointed at the wall. "So, to keep them out of the land permanently, they built this Gusty Gate thingy with the very last bit of enchantment in their arsenal. It's kinda-sorta the griffons' very own Tartarus, only it works more like a huge fence that keeps bigflank monsters outside... instead of just, y'know, underground."

"Ahem..." Lancie folded his arms. "And how come you didn't think to mention this imposing piece of geometry beforehand?"

"Cuz I didn't friggin' think we'd be flying this far out!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "Honestly!" She hopped up to her hooves with a growl. "Tell me—are the shards beyond that?!"

"And how!"

"Ughhhh!" Rainbow stomped her hoof. "I'm... like... not out to free a giant yelling centaur or some big bass-singing globule of sentient slime!" She paced in a tight, angry circle. "All I wanna do is get past the Gate and reach dragon lands so I can yoink a sneeze-full of chaos shards from Aatxe! Is that so hard to friggin' ask for?!" she hollered west. Her voice echoed before being devoured by the rotating winds.

Lancie dug his stone ear. "Hrmmm... I think you're praying in the wrong direction, Sparky."

"Huh?"

"You said that the griffons built this shindig, hmmm?" Lancie shrugged. "I imagine every jailer has a key. It works the same for the ponies guarding Tartarus east of here, yes?"

"Lancie, I'm not about to ask the local griffons to open their big gusty wind prison just to let me through."

Lancie arched an eyebrow. "Not even for the Second Heir to the Freckletastic Throne?"

"Look, just shut up." Rainbow plucked him off the ground and stuffed him back into her saddlebag. "It's okay. For realsies." She smiled. "I've got a plan..."

"Hrnnnnngh-rrrrggghhhhh!" Rainbow Dash flew and strained and struggled against the cold, bitter winds. Her body inched closer, coming within ten feet of the jagged cliffside. "Grkkkkt-tkkkk-hkckkkkktt—" Her eyes bulged, and her wings gave way. "Yaaaaaaaaaaaiiieeee!"

Rainbow flew backwards, toppled east, and crash-landed hard through a sea of splashing gravel.

"Oooof!" She groaned, shuddering to a stop.

Lancie popped out of her bag, waving his arms dramatically. "Your plan was to try doing the same stupid thing twenty more times?!?"

"Mrfmmffnnngh..." Rainbow Dash tried standing up, but her limbs were too weak. "...rubitinwhydon'tcha..."

"Sparky, there's rubbing things in..." Lancie held one finger up, then two. "And then there's scraping the skin over your empty skull raw!"

Rainbow Dash wheezed, rolled over, and pulled a jar of potion out of her backpack. Struggling with tingly limbs, she finally popped a bottel open and took a liberal sip.

"Sparky, far be it from me to be the dismal deliverer of duldrums, but unless you come up with another plan and come up with it quick, then all you're going to do is throw your fruity ahead against the heartless elements while Applejack's sister rolls deeper and deeper into an early grave." He folded his stone arms. "Not that I don't mind a fearless display of absurdity, but you're the one committed to a death clock here, not me."

"Mrmmmfnngh..." Rainbow Dash screwed the cap shut and hugged the half-empty jar to her chest. "I... I'm sure I can make it over if I just..." She shuddered. "...fly harder."

"Sparky, it's not going to happen." Lancie's stone nostrils snorted. Then, with a sly grin, he pointed towards the crystalline spires looming off to the northeast. "Now... if those trees happen to house a hearty helping of harpies..."

"Unngh... for the last time..." Rainbow gritted her teeth. "We are not asking the Griffons for help here!"

"Well, to be perfectly frank, Sparky, what other choice do we have?" Lancie shrugged. "Flying around the wall could be an option. But... we're talking about an entire continent to deal with. You think Apple Bloom has a continent within her?"

"... ... ..."

Lancie propped his chin against his talon. "Just what do you have against the griffons anyway?" He smirked. "Was your family's village raided by a rampaging gang of turkeys when you were a foal?"

"NO!" Rainbow snorted, hugging the jar tighter as he avoided his gaze. "I just... h-have my reasons."

"Oh really...?"

"Yeah..."

"And are they sweet, drawling, apple-and-cinnamon-scented reasons?" His stone eyelashes fluttered. "Hmmmm...?"

Rainbow bit her lip. Tilting her head back, she stared upside down at the distant spires. A loathsome sigh escaped her muzzle, and by the time her breath was over it had turned into an anguished moan.

Download the Expansion Today(!)

"Squawwwwk!" With a clatter of his beak, a surly griffon snarled at Rainbow Dash in passing. "Watch it, softy! Get your own damn flying lane!"

Rainbow Dash shuddered, strafing to the side as she approached the upper branches of a massive crystalline tree. "Ooomf!" She bumped into the ruffled chest of an even larger brute.

"HEY!" The griffon slapped her upside the head. "I'm flapping here! I'm flapping here!"

"Sorry! Jeez!" Rainbow rolled her eyes, flying off with a flick of her tail. "Go lay an egg or something."

"Maybe I will!" The griffon stuck her tongue out and soared towards the lower struts. "Down your throat while you're asleep, windbag!"

Rainbow struck quieter air, but that wasn't saying much. The atmosphere above the stalk was perpetually filled with grunting, shrieking, hissing voices. It was like being in a pet store full of parrots, only every bird was sentient, angry, and had a bone—or beak—to pick with the only hoofed creature in nearly four hundred miles.

Wh-Whap! A lion's tail smacked Rainbow across her left wing, throwing her off balance. "That was just a warning, sissy!" snarled a scarred griffon through a triply scarred beak. "You so much as think of prancing around the Spotted Egg Branch, and we'll have your guts for garters!" His wing buddies laughed and spat in the air.

Rainbow Dash sighed.

A tiny statue poked his head out of her saddlebag. "I think I like it here."

"Oh sit on it," Rainbow growled, her eyes as hard as ruby daggers. She flew counter-clockwise around the thick, central stalk of the tall-tall spire. "The less time we spent here, the better."

"Mmmmm... for Apple Bloom's sake, right?"

"And for mine," Rainbow groaned, tilting her head up... up... ... ... up. "I swear, if I don't get this over with soon, there'll be two dead ponyvilleans by the end of this week."

The city was unlike any other Rainbow Dash had visited, much less even seen in pictures. Although she had often heard of the Crystal Tree Roosts, she had never bothered with envisioning them. Above her stretched branch after branch of sturdy, horizontal pylons, all jagged and natural in formation—albeit unnatural in composition. Seated atop the translucent, glittery boughs were sporadic clumps of earth, straw, and hay—all compacted together over centuries and centuries of avian colonization. So much time had passed since the griffons first nested there that trees and miniature forests even grew on the thicker patches of relocated soil, dangling hundreds upon hundreds of feet over the otherwise desolate plateau below. Between each branch, countless griffon bodies darted and flew, taking their business and trade from building to building, filling the air with a constant buzzing, chirping commotion.

"How beautifully ugly," Lancie said, bearing a fanged smirk. "I'm rather fond of the architecture, really. It's like watching ballet in reverse." He blinked. "With chainsaws." He smiled even more.

"I guess it is... kinda awesome," Rainbow Dash muttered. She looked due north to where two more spires stood high above the ground, likewise buzzing with griffon life. Beyond those two, she knew—beyond the layer of distant fog—at least three or four more trees were supposed to exist. "But I'm not here to sight-see." She flew straight up. "I gotta make it to Town Hall."

"And just where is that?"

Rainbow gulped, squinting against the winds. "According to Twilight, it's always the highest elevated branch."

"But of course," Lancie said, stifling a yawn.

Rainbow looked back over her shoulder. "I thought you had these bigflank trees back in your time."

"I did," Lancie said in a melodic tone. "Granted, they looked considerably different at the time." He squeezed his stone nostrils shut. "...and they weren't quite so infested."

"Heh. I hear ya."

"To be honest, I'm surprised that griffons live here and not ponies."

"Why's that?"

"Well, don't you know, Sparky?" Lancie smirked. "These kind of trees were once very... very integral to the sort of thing that makes you and your five fellow friends tick."

"...huh?"

Lancie rolled his eyes. "Eh... never mind." He fought another yawn. "Once upon a time, these crystal trees used to frighten me."

"I've no friggin' clue how."

"That's right," he grunted. "You don't." A beat, and he smiled. "Still, I do credit them for inspiring me to take up gardening."

"Uhhhh... really?" Rainbow blinked. "Gardening?"

"Ohhhh yes yes yes! Why, I had a rather elaborate collection of obsidian glass seeds just ripe for the planting!" He tapped his chin in thought. "Now... where did I put all of them?" He shrugged. "Ah well..."

"Well, botany is not on the agenda," Rainbow grunted. She flew past several more grumbling griffons and made for the highest branch of the spire. "I've gotta get my butt to town hall and speak to whoever is in charge... Mayor Pelican."

"For real?" Lancie blinked. "That's his name?"

"Pfffft!" Rainbow rolled her eyes. "I don't bucking know! But it stands to reason that some griffon in this place runs the show..." She pointed due west at the hazy clifface beset with blurring winds. "And whoever they are, they're the ones who have the authority to let me through that barrier."

"Uh huh..." Lancie nodded, ducking as they narrowly avoided collision with a flock of squawking youngsters. He blew and sneezed from the resulting cloud of down feathers. "Pfft! Pfftbeh! Ahem... and just how are we certain they'll... erm... raise the gate, so to speak?"

"... ... ..." Rainbow Dash was staring down, her absent-minded gaze locked on a distant bough below, covered in verdant green vegetation.

"Erm... earth to Sparky? Hello?!"

"Uhh... yeah..." Rainbow finally ripped her eyes from the lower bough and redirected her gaze skyward. "Convincing Town Hall..." She shrugged and accelerated past the criss-crossing air traffic. "How hard could it be?"

Physics? What Physics?

Physics? What Physics?

"Keep going in the same direction, ya idiot!" Gilda snapped, struggling to speak above the noise of the whipping winds.

Rainbow Dash panted, spotting the huge, looming granite bluffs of the western plateau looming straight ahead. She looked left and right and still couldn't find a passage or a canyon. "But I don't see—like—a gate where the Wind Chalice could allow us to—"

"That's not what's super important right now, is it, dweeb?!" Gilda growled.

The air filled with shouts and hoots and yelps. Rainbow glanced behind them to see a solid line of bloodthirsty griffons chasing after their six.

"You know, this Hell would be a whole lot more Heavenly if you would just share what you're plotting—"

"Fly up to the plateau's edge and then sore as high as you can!" Gilda said. "Hugging the wall!"

"But... but the wind will only—"

"Yup!" Gilda nodded, feathers rustling. "And who do you think will be able to handle it in the end?!"

Rainbow Dash shuddered. Brow furrowed, she flapped her wings, accelerating the two of them even harder towards the plateau with extra help from the Chalice. The thick wall and its impenetrable bowers flew closer to their vision until it blotted out all sunlight.

"Wait for it..." Gilda sneered through her beak.

Rainbow wheezed: "Since when were you so friggin' patient—?"

"Now!" Gilda hollered. "Pull up!"

"Gaaaaaaaaugh!" Rainbow tilted back, her wings bent to the breaking point. Air whistled violently past her fuzzy ears as the world flipped. Soon, she had lifted so high that she and Gilda got caught up in the magical winds fountaining outward from the plateau's summit. They got caught up in it immediately, being blasted due east and back towards the crystalline trees.

The horizon loomed upside down before Rainbow's vision, and she saw the thick flock of Fibb's lackeys sailing straight towards them. In just a blink—she knew—they'd be within beak-stabbing range.

"Gilda—"

"Now flap!"

Rainbow blinked. She felt the barrier's wind collecting tightly under her wings. The weight of the Chalice resonated through her bones, and somehow—she knew—the next action would either make or break her. "Hooboy. Watch your eardrums, girl." Then, with a singular grunt, she flung her wings back. FWOOOOOOOOOOSH! The two of them rocketed eastward like a bullet, propelled by a magical burst of compressed air.

They threaded through the ill-prepared flock within a blink. Fibb's posse barely had time to react before a merciless wave of air exploded in their midst. CLAPPPP! With errant seagull shrieks, the griffons all flew off in random directions, colliding with the ground and forming gravel ravines until their unconscious bodies settled to an anching stop.

"HAH!" Gilda burst, grinning as she gripped Rainbow's tail, flailing after her. "Ha HA! You like that ya crumb-pecking bozos?!"

"Uhhh... Gilda...?"

"Vomit your lunch down Fibb's throat in your own time, losers!"

"Gilda!!!"

"WHAT?!"

"H-how do I stop it?!"

"You gotta be kidding me, right?"

"No, I'm totally not!" Rainbow gulped. "Maybe if I just—" Rainbow pivoted her wings to the left... and instantly regretted it.

Fw-Fw-Fw-Fw-Fwisssh! The two spiraled out of control. The Chalice's magic formed an instant cyclone to their left, which further flung them in a violent circle.

"Gaaaaah!" Rainbow's voice cracked.

"Ya stupid pony!" Gilda growled. "I didn't tell you to change your trajectory yet!"

"Gilda, you didn't tell me nothing! I never took Chalice 101!"

"Even if you did, you'd skip out on that too!"

"Oh don't you friggin' start—"

"Ground! GROUND!"

"Oh gosh—" Rainbow yelped, tugging savagely at her wings. The two barely skimmed over the granite earth, twirled skyward, and went barreling towards the westen wall yet again.

"Gildaaaaa—"

"Okay... Okay!" Gilda climbed up Rainbow's body. "I've got the perfect idea!" And she snatched the Chalice from Rainbow's hooves.

Rainbow shrieked. "Gilda...?!" The two lost momentum, twirled, and plunged at a suicidal thirty degree angle.

"Now just find a way to land us—"

"With what?!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "Our skulls?!"

"Hahahaha! You can do it!"

"Stop laughing, Gilda! Friggin' A!" Rainbow flapped her wings, flailed, and tumbled through the air as the wall came within spitting range. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa—!!!"

Appledashery

There was a time when Rainbow Dash loved adventure.

That's not to say that she has no affinity for it whatsoever these days. But rather...

She once loved adventure for adventuring itself. A while back, that all changed. Adventure became a means of getting something accomplished—especially if that "something" meant improving the lives of her neighbors, her friends... or those whom she valued above all.

Perhaps this could have been seen as a way of "growing up," but I think that's far too simple an explanation. Fortunately, I've hung out with Rainbow quite often these past few years and heard the truth the mare's own mouth.

She never stopped loving adventures. Rather, she started liking other things a great deal more.

And at the very top of that list... is knowing that she can come through for ponies who depend on her.

That and being awesome. Dependability and awesomeness. I mean... buck... it's Rainbow Dash we're talking about, after all.

Appledashery

I like to think that I know my friends, my family members, and my spouse pretty well. But, the truth is, life is a lot more realistic if we take all of our loved ones and multiply them by two. That's how many ponies we truly know... or at least think we know.

What I mean by that is that there's never a single representation of another pony in our perspective. There is, in fact, two of every pony... the pony we know intimately, and the pony that we perceive... that we imagine... that we hold fantasy conversations with when we miss the real them.

Distance exists in many ways. There's emotional distance, psychological distance, and—of course—physical distance. All of these act as factors that separate the perceived pony from the real pony we ultimately reflect when associating in person.

The reason I bring this up is because—at this point in the story—I'm recalling something that Rainbow Dash once taught me during one of our many heart-to-hearts.

She said that "Love happens twice, and it divides your life in half. There is the time that you know nothing except for loving, and then there's the time when you know nothing except for being loved. Both are super different... but also super awesome—in their own way."

Sometimes I think she forgets that the same works with friendship. There comes a point of no return, a point of immutable bond and trust.

And nothing can break that bond, no matter how jagged... how deliberate...

Or even how sinister.

Honestly, I can't blame her for forgetting about it every now and then... or at least trying to.

Quest Geever

"Eet vould appear dat drragonz have taken squirrel castle far east," Brucie said. He escorted Rainbow, Sunset, and Romulus beyond the burrowed entrance to the squirrels' lair. Hazy sunlight bled through the lingering smoke of the charred forest around them. "Dees eez very far glide for dem. Brucie sinks drragonz vant take castle to Morsel Lands." He shook his head. "Must not let dem. At dees rate, castle be over mountainz in half-day." He held his paw up. "Morselanderz have twelve hours to feegure out vay into flying castle or no deal!"

"We can ground your castle without you," Romulus grumbled, then faced east. "Thank you very much—"

Swoosh! Brucie landed on a tree branch directly in front of the griffon. "Nyet! You can't! Either you let squirrels een on morselander plan or you are on your own!"

"Just what do you have in mind?" Sunset asked.

"Brucie knowz of secret lower entrance eento castle. Ven time comez, Brucie show eet to you." The goggled rodent pointed at Rainbow. "Den colorful morselhorse show you rest of vay. Once morselanderz vork togeser to gain access to entrances... boom... let squirrels een to bring great justeece Mozer Rushnut!"

"I don't get it..." Romulus grumbled. "Is this your plan or ours?"

"Plan belongz to everyvone, da?" Brucie pointed. "Just dun get full of your own head! Brucie keepz an eye on you! Call for Brucie vhen vay eez found eento and out of Castle. Vill brring squirrel broserz to bring end to drragonz!"

Before Romulus could protest again, Rainbow stepped forward with Lancie.

"We'll figure something out, Brucie. Don't worry."

"Bah!" With a flash of light, Brucie lit another cigar and took a deep puff. "Who eez vorried? Brucie haz nosing to loze but acorns, and horse haz nosing to loze but head."

"One question though..." Rainbow squinted. "The castle's flying east, right?"

"Da! To Morselandz!"

"Is there any place it... hasn't flown to?"

"Mmmmm..." Brucie scratched his chin. "Now dat pony mentionz eet... da... drragonz never steer castle to ashen north."

"Ashen what?" Sunset Shimmer asked.

"Beeg pile of rrockz hidden behind burnt mountainz." Brucie gestured with his paws. "Not safe for squirrelz. Drragonz dun like going dere."

"Why not?" Rainbow asked.

Brucie shrugged. "Brucie never been close enough to know. Brucie never been close enough to care." He took another puff of his cigar and saluted. "You've been geeven your charge. Do svidaniya." Fwoooosh! He flew off in a gust of fur and wind.

A Little Bit of Angst For Your Tease

While Don Canter spoke closely with his thugs, Top Dog gathered with the freshly recruited mutts from the teleportation spell. The canine cretins gathered together seveal spears, sharpening and examining them while Top Dog barked orders. Meanwhile, several henchstallions pulled a crate full of ranged weapons from the summoning circle and began assigning them to various members of the gang.

"Well..." Rainbow mumbled. "All things considered... that went kinda okay..."

"Seems like they're setting up for a war," Lancie remarked. "And now they've got you as the spearhead."

"I figured I'd always make for a good hood ornament."

"Well, at least you're honest." Clearing his throat, Lancie leaned against her head and smirked down at her. "Y'know, I suppose I should be thanking you."

"Hmmmphh... for what?"

"For sticking out for me the way you did." Lancie adjusted an invisible collar, his granite features wincing. "For a moment there, it looked like the big fat one wanted to turn me into kitty litter."

"Don't be silly," Rainbow droned. "You're not nearly that absorbant."

"Hardy har har..." Lancie cleared his throat. "Actually, Sparky, there's... something else I'd like to bring up."

"Yeah?"

"About what you said earlier to these punks and punkettes—"

"I was bluffing," Rainbow said quietly. "I told you before. Remember?"

"Yes, but even still." His brow furrowed. "Just how far are you willing to go with... all this?"

"What does it matter?" Rainbow muttered. "And, furthermore, why do you care?"

"Well, it just so happens that I think that—"

"Well well well..." Flim shuffled up, smirking coyly. He folded his forelimbs. "It seems like you smooth-talked your way over the boss. But you can't fool me."

Rainbow sighed. With a flick of her tail, she trotted across the clearing. "Buzz off, spitwad."

"Do you seriously think that Romulus and his idiot allies are gonna buy your schtick forever? Huh?" Flim trotted swiftly after her. "My brother and I have seen the inside of your head, filly. We know that you're loyal... but we also know that you're loyal to a fault."

"Jee... how'd you figure that one out?" Rainbow rolled her eyes. "By endangering the lives of ponies for no good reason?"

"You call our mother's well-being no good reason?!" Flim snarled, his teeth showing. "She had a life to live in the world that we gave her! Your so-called friends?! They don't even scratch the surface of Mother's legacy! Just who were you to play executioner in the end?!"

Rainbow turned to glare at him. "...you're a friggin' lunatic." She waved a hoof. "Go find yourself a cork factory and plug up both of your mouths, ya melon fudge." She turned to trot off again. "At least that way you can keep the manure to yourself."

"I'm serious!" Flim hissed, hopping in front of Rainbow Dash and growling in her face. "This isn't over once we find the shards. Oh no..." He shook his head with a wicked smile. "Once we get our piece of the cut, we'll bring back Mother. And then we'll head to that rinky-dinky little hole-in-a-ground you call a hometown. Once there, maybe we'll play a game of 'executioner' ourselves."

Rainbow squinted. "Back. Off."

"Ahem..." Lancie pointed. "I... would listen to her if I were you, 'old chum.'"

"Why's that?" Flim cackled. "I'm not afraid of her! I'm not the one who should be afraid, after all." He turned to leer at Rainbow again, smiling. "You know... the last time we had your friend, we gave her a heaven." He licked his lips. "Maybe she could use a good dose of hell this time... though it'd be heaven for Flam and me—"

WHACK! A string of blood flew from Flim's nose. It may have had something to do with the massive uppercut Rainbow had just given him.

"Oboy—" Lancie fell off Rainbow's darting body. "Oofa!"

"Rrrrrrrrrgh!" Rainbow plowed the stallion to the ground, gripping his skull. THUD! "You even think about touching her, and I'll shove that catapult down your throat and pull it out the other end until you turn inside out, ya lame waste of noodle!"

"Gaaaah...!" Flim wheezed and flailed, gargling his own blood. "Flam! H-help!"

"What in Tartarus do you think you're doing?!" Flam galloped over, hissing. "Get off him, you crazed harpy—"

"Rrrgh—" Rainbow immediately flew off Flim's figure and howled in Flam's face. "Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh!"

Flam teetered back, his resolve instantly melting as he stared at her with shrinking pupils.

Several diamond dogs and thugs looked over. Squidgy rolled in his emerald jar.

Rainbow Dash panted and seethed. After several hyperventilating breaths, she stood in place with her backhairs bristled. "You two dapper dorkfarts know me so well..." She exhaled menacingly, taking bold steps towards them. "Then you know... you know what I'll do to you if you so much as threaten my friends again—"

"I can expect anything..." Flam growled. "From the mare who murdered our mother."

"Will you stop—!"

Whump! Sunset Shimmer suddenly charged in, knocking Rainbow and Flam apart. "Alright! That's enough!" She glared at Flam. "You heard the boss! We're going forward with this group effort! So stop your brother from shaking the hornet's nest for once!"

"I swear..." Rainbow pointed. "If you don't make Romulus or someone tie these two jokers up—"

"And you!" Sunset frowned. "Don Canter doesn't take kindly to you messing up the goods! He's hired these tinkerers, and for better or for worse, they're helping us achieve the same goal you want! Doesn't mean you have to like them! Tartarus, I don't even like them! But we have to make do, don't we?"

"But—"

"Don't forget it was me who agreed with you on the whole 'team-up' thing!" Sunset's voice cracked. "While it was Romulus who wanted to gut you like the pig you are. And believe me, I'd like nothing better." Her eyes narrowed. "You left me to rot in a hole in the ground, with all of my dreams and hopes crushed to dust. You're lucky I didn't boil your blood the very moment I saw you in the squirrels' den. But that's not what we're here for, anymore, is it?"

"I am not about to be preached to by—"

Sunset shoved her hoof in Rainbow's chest. "Leave your anger at the door. When all of this is said and done, then you can commit bloody murder on any punks you want. Quite frankly it's the same hole you dug for yourself in the first place. But don't buck up the operation because of it!"

Silence.

"Are we done butting heads?! Good!" Sunset stormed off. "Now, if you don't mind, I have to meditate super-hard to regain the magic in my horn... ... ... again!"

Rainbow seethed and seethed.

Flam helped Flim up to his hooves. The half-bleeding brothers glared back at Rainbow, then trotted up to their mechanical catapult.

Meanwhile, Romulus leaned against a dead tree, sharpening a dagger. He smirked bitterly, chuckled to himself, and kept grinding away.

Rainbow hung her head while Lancie climbed back on her shoulder.

"Well... that was certainly..." Lancie blinked. "Cathartic."

"Not really," Rainbow muttered.

"Need help with the not-killing-creeps-who-deserve-it schtick?"

"Mmmf..." Rainbow Dash trotted swiftly north, stretching her wings. "I... I need to do some thinking."

"About...?"

"Everything. But most importantly this mission."

Romulus glared at Rainbow Dash as she streaked by. "And where do you think you're going?"

"Reconnaissance."

"But now's not the time for—"

"Reconnaissance!" And Rainbow took off for the northern horizon.

"Hmmmff..." Romulus shook her head, grumbling. "She's so dead."

Ya Ain't No Halter

"Okay..." Sunset Shimmer winced in Romulus' talons while flecks of dirt and soil sprinkled across her face. "That's... a bit unsettling..."

"What are you even doing, soft-hooves?" Romulus snarled in Rainbow's direction.

"Shhhhh..." Rainbow continued brushing her hooves along the bottom chunk of earth that served as the foundation of the floating castle. The entire hulking structure levitated above them, engulfing the three figures in dark, dark shadow as it made its way east. Through the edges of their vision, the three could see brief spurts of flame, indicating the close orbit of dragon broodlings above. "I just need a bit of concentration..."

"For what?" Romulus frowned, hovering beneath her. "Your job is to find us a way inside this damnable fortress, and so far all you've accomplished is some floundering attempt at gardening!"

"Guh!" Sunset winced again as more flecks of dirt littered the two of them. "Could you at least toss that stuff away from us?"

"Well, sorry," Rainbow grunted as she brushed and batted at the uneven clumps of dirt. "I'm not the one who invented gravity!"

"And just who did, I wonder?" Lancie mused, balanced on her shoulder. "That would be one fat... fat princess."

"Lancie..." Rainbow sighed, fumbling.

"Need help?"

"Well, the way I figured it... this structure belonged to someone else before the squirrels... much less before the dragons." Rainbow squinted as she felt her way along the underside of the earthen foundation. "And—like—it wasn't always flying. Once upon a time, this place rested in a plot of ground. Now, I've been through many castles, and I have yet to see one without—"

"A dungeon!"

"Exactly. So... somewhere around there's gotta be... like... the hollow makings of a stairwell or something."

"Now that I think about it, I doubt Aatxe would have bothered levitating a basement in addition to a castle," Lancie mused. "It wouldn't look too pretty to have a huge cellar dangling off your villainous lair like some ineffectual colostomy bag."

"The trick is finding where the stairwell's cut off," Rainbow grumbled. "That's a tad bit tough to do in the dark... where not even starlight can help."

"It's a crying shame you don't have a magic pendant around your neck that can light up a red glow after a simple lamp-rub."

"... ... ...wat."

"Ahem... maybe if we lit a match, Sparky."

"What's taking so long?!" Romulus snarled.

"Keep your beak on, ya emu!" Rainbow gnashed her teeth. "I swear to Celestia, I'm not retracing my steps or—"

At last, Rainbow's hooves brushed against a fibrous substance. Unlike the rest of the earthen foundation, this bent upwards from her physical contact. The roots split apart slightly, and Rainbow could detect a hint of torchlight from above.

"Hah!" Rainbow smirked devilishly. "There's the ticket!"

"What?" Sunset craned her neck. "Is it a way in?"

"A dungeon stairwell! Just as I expected!"

"Then let's go through it!" Romulus said. "What are you waiting for?"

"Just hold on..." Rainbow gnashed her teeth, pulling and prying at the material. "There's some... nnngh... stupid reed in the way..." Riiiiiip! Rainbow tore a hole in the material, exposing cold stone steps. "Whew!" She smirked and wiped her brow. "That was easy!"

"Right." Romulus flapped his wings, ascending. "Move aside."

"Uh uh uhhhhh..." Rainbow held a hoof out. "Ladies first."

Romulus frowned. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Very well. Awesome ladies first," Rainbow slurred. She hopped up onto the stairwell and began ascending. "We need to make sure the coast is clear. It's nighttime. There's no telling if the dragons are choosing to saw logs above or below the main floor."

"Just how do dragons sleep anyway?" Sunset asked.

"Sloppily. Wait for my signal." And Rainbow swiftly galloped up the steps, entering the floating castle.

Cue Victory Medley

With wide, gray eyes, Lancie beamed. He tugged on Rainbow Dash's mane, then pointed with a sharp claw at the Flame Staff.

Rainbow nodded, then motioned for him to be quiet. On stealthy hooves, she snuck out from behind the rock and approached the chaotic crucifix under the shadow of the dragon matriarch.

"Blood Fire..." The large beast spoke, her thick tail to Rainbow Dash. "Face me, my oldest son."

"What would you have of me, mother?"

"While you have made mistakes—much like your youngest brother—I can tell that your wisdom and patience outweighs that of all your other brood siblings. I still have much hibernation to undergo before I can be healthy and strong enough to properly lead our kin. As such, I must entrust the welfare of the brood to you."

"I would be honored, mother."

At last, Rainbow Dash reached the Flame Staff. Biting her bottom lip, she reached over and... tapped her hoof against it like a pensive feline.

She didn't get zapped by a beam of red light. This was because there was no force field present to deflect her.

Exhaling, Rainbow Dash gripped the staff in her hooves, flapped her wings, then carried the thing away from the center of the smoldering crater. Once she reached an outcropping of rock, she hid her body behind it, took a deep breath, then swung the staff like a club against the volcanic glass.

CRACK! The staff shattered down the center, dropping every chaos shard loosely to the floor with a rain of gray matter.

Somewhere south...

Beyond the crater...

The flying castle lurched. Beams of manalight fizzled into nonexistence. Chaos diffused from its tight grip to the leylines. Then—coasting like a deflated balloon—the entire structure drifted down towards the floor of the Wasteland below.

The dragons froze in mid-battle, realizing the nature of the situation. Aatxe was completely missing, and—more importantly—so was Blood Fire. With sudden nervousness and apprehension, the young dragons completely abandoned the bloodied, pockmarked courtyard altogether. One by one, the broodlings flew away from the structure, abandoning ship until the remaining group of them filled the low atmosphere above.

This evacuation was not lost to the squirrels. Brucie grinned wide, perched atop a crumbling pile of burning mortar. "Zamechatel'no!" He fired several rounds into the sky, grinning with bright incisors. "Drragonz hafe left squirrel castle, comradez! Ve hafe von back sky home!" He shook his bushy tail, rejoicing. "For Mozer Rushnut!"

"For Mozer Rushnut!"

The air filled with rodent ecstasy. Bloodied and battered warriors of the furred kind leaned against one another, whooping victoriously

Meanwhile, the castle finished its slow glide, coming to a dull rest against the base of a mountain. With a monumental thud, it settled in place, spilling dust and sediment everywhere. The once-floating structure had just come shy of passing the griffon barrier, and now it served as a landmark right along the edge of the wasteland.

"Is that everything?" Rainbow sputtered.

"Sparky, girl, that's everything and a half," Lancie beamed. "Way to go."

"Eh..." She shrugged. "I had a little apple on my shoulder, pointing me in the right direction."

"And what am I? Aquarium gravel?"

"Hah."

Behind them, the dragon matriarch's voice boomed: "A sacrament is in order, Blood Fire, to anoint you as my choice broodling to lead the rest of my nest. This is something that Aatxe in all his foolishness failed to take into account."

"What is required of me, mother?"

"Find ample flesh for feasting, and I will anoint your horns with its blood. Then you shall be steward of my brood."

"Very well, mother..."

"Erm..." Lancie gulped, then whispered in Rainbow's ear. "Now might be a good time to skedaddle."

"Don't need to tell me twice," Rainbow said, scooping up the shards and flying swiftly out of dragonsight. "Let's find a good spot for zoopage."

"Over there!" Lancie pointed. "Just beyond the crest!"

"I see it." Swooosh! Rainbow flew past the mists.

The Apple Bloom Express

Rainbow ascended, flying swiftly out of the crater and leaving the dragon family members far behind.

In the extreme distance, the dark body of the castle loomed, hiding within the shadow of the mountainous barrier. Draconian bodies swarmed the air, forming a hazy cloud before thinning... spreading apart from one horizon to the next.

"Looks like Aatxe's Momma is gonna have her claws full," Lancie said.

"Yeah, well, not with us." Rainbow smirked devilishly. "This whole place can kiss my tail for all I care."

"Now that's the attitude of a champion."

"Uh huh. Sure." Rainbow flapped her wings, hovering in place with the shards collected in her forelimbs. "Care to ignite the Apple Bloom express?"

"Thought you'd never ask." Clearing his throat, Lancie mounted her shoulder and reached a stone talon down. "Just think some happy thoughts while I—"

Schliiiink!

Rainbow's body jerked in place. Her wings drooped.

Lancie blinked. "... ... ...Sparky?" He looked at her.

Rainbow's glazed eyes stared a thousand miles ahead.

"...?" Lancie looked down. His granite muzzle hung open.

A bloody scimitar had embedded out through Rainbow's fuzzy blue chest. SCHNNK! It retracted, leaving a gaping, bleeding hole.

A razor sharp beak leaned in from behind, hissing: "Gotcha... soft hooves..."

A pair of talons released Rainbow's flank.

And...

She dropped every shard, tilted back—

"Sparky—!" Lancie wheezed.

Rainbow fell like a rock.

Last Rites

When Lancie reached Rainbow Dash, she was already laying in a crimson pool of her own juices. The starlight caught a single sliver of an eye, twitching to stay open. The statue scuffled to a stop in front of her. She registered his presence with a mewling gurgle, but little more.

"Rainbow Dash!" Lancie hissed, upon the verge of hyperventilating. "Can you hear me? See me?! Do anything?!"

"Snrkkkt... grkkt..." Her hooves curled inward, stained with blood. They failed to cover the gaping hole in her chest. "Mrrmmff... spkkplttt..." A tear trickled down her cheek, turning red. "Hhhhstt—Lancieeee..."

"Rainbow Dash." He gulped a lump down his stone throat and leaned forward. "Listen to me." He pointed up the craggy hillside. "Get up. You have to move. The shards." His talon glistened. "If we can j-just find the shards, I can fix you up in a jiffy!"

"Hkkt... mmmff—no..."

"Darn it, Rainbow! This isn't a joke!" He hissed. "Help me find the shards so I can get you back to—"

"No... ulp... Lancieeee..." She exhaled, each time growing weaker... limper. More tears collected on her face, but then something even stranger: a smile. And a delirious one at that. "You... you find the shards..."

"Rainbow Dash..."

"Fix... Apple Bloom... grkkkt... cure her..." Rainbow's ears twitched. She coughed... spat out a wad of blood... then whimpered: "Look after Applejack."

Lancie leaned back, eyes blinking rapidly.

"Protect... scrkkkt... her farm..." Rainbow wheezed. "Use... the shards... grkkt... on her..." Her eyes rolled back. "Only... only on h-her..."

The statue's jaw hung open. "Rainbow..."

"It's okay... grkkkt... Lancie..." Her head turned over. A smile greeted the starlight. One eye opened a final time, twinkling... as if with freckles. "I'll go as... I came... mmnnghh... loving her... awesome things... ffrnkkttt... love you, Applejack..." At last, the lashes closed. "Tell her, Lancie... like I-I never could... love..." A shudder, a quiver. "...love..."

He seethed. He seethed harder. "Rainbow... Rainbow you have to get the shards! You have to wish me to save you! Dammit... why won't you change?!" He was shaking at this point. When there was no response, he bent over, clasped her red-stained fur, and let loose a prolonged snarl. "Rrrrrrgh—Aaaaaaaaaaugh!"

Then, with sudden grace, he lifted a talon into the air and flicked two digits together.

SNAP!

Both the statue and the battered pegasus disappeared.

Epiphanies

"And that's when it hit me...

"I had failed. In trying to achieve a pattern, I had discovered a reversal. A mirror.

"The pony of that one dimension was drawn to throwing herself in one straight line, away from all the wounds that defined here...

"And here I've discovered that there's no stopping her in this world either, for that same pony is also being herded... corralled in a straight line. Not by pain... but by love...

"Love, Rainbow Dash, such a strange... frightening little thing. More powerful than meteors. Longer lasting than any war. And the power of this damnable thing had forced this mare to fly a straight line... deep into her own self. A place where there is no escape. A place where she feels miserably happy... or happily miserable... because she is content in the sanctity of her... and knowing her... and loving her, even if they—by the boundaries of her many blessings—have to remain savagely... incomprehensibly apart.

"I thought I understood chaos. I was wrong.

"I have a lot to learn about the beautiful tragedy of a smitten heart. And yet, for all of my qualms, for all of my refrains... I can only feel envy...

"That... and the distinct feeling that I would become a great deal better—a far more sincere shred of a living thing... if I could just spend one day being you."

Gawkssip

"Here, let Trixie help you with that, Sparkle."

"I've got the map, Trixie."

"But—"

"I've got it!" Twilight frowned over her shoulder, levitating the leaflet away from the other unicorn's peering eyes. "Good grief! This isn't a lab experiment! You don't have to assist me with everything!"

"But you could get a paper cut with the way you're handling it."

Twilight squinted. "I'm levitating it, Trixie. How could I get a paper cut?"

Trixie tilted her nose up. "You've done it before, Sparkle. I've seen you."

"Ungh..." Twilight quickened her pace to shuffle ahead of the group.

Trixie quickened her pace to keep up. "And if you get a paper cut, you won't be able to handle all of your books! Then Trixie will h-have to manage the experiments first-hoof! And Trixie isn't sure if Trixie can!"

"For crying out loud! I'm fine, Trixie! Now will you... st-stop crowding me? I need to read the map so I can lead us to Winsome Falls!"

"Come on, gals..." Applejack smirked, sweating ever so slightly as she drew the wagon through the wooded path. "None of us need that there map. I know these woods like the back of my hoof. The Apple Family's been takin' hikes to Winsome Falls since I was a lil' apple seed." She chuckled. "Besides! Ain't no race! Let's get there when we get there! I've got time off! You've got time off! Let's all do this relaxin'-like, ya feel me?"

"You hear that, Trixie?" Twilight smirked, eyelashes fluttering. "Applejack says to relax."

"Right!" Trixie reached in. "So give Trixie the map so you can relax!"

"Eugh... Trixie, I swear! You're impossible at times!"

"Heh..." Applejack shook her head in mid-stride. She glanced aside at Pinkie Pie who was bouncing along with Rarity to the right of her. "They go on and on like lil' sisters, ya reckon?"

"The littlest of sisters!" Pinkie chirped.

"Actually..." Rarity tilted the brim of her sunhat with a coy smile. "I was going to suggest a pair, alright... but not sisters."

"Oh?" Applejack glanced back while pulling the wagon along. "How do ya figure, then? Like a pair of cousins?"

"Hmmm-hehehehe..." Rarity shook her head with a dainty laught. "No no, Applejack. Something a bit more amorous than that."

Applejack fidgeted, blushing slightly. "...erm... st-step brothers?"

"Haven't you ever seen an old married couple bicker, Applejack?"

"Erm..." Applejack looked ahead, wincing slightly. "N-no, Rarity. I can't rightly say I have."

"Ohhhhh..." Rarity's ears folded back. "Of course I didn't mean it like that darling."

"I mean... I reckon I get where yer comin' from. But..." Applejack chuckled. "Twilight and... that pony?" she whispered. "I'd much rather see Spike gettin' toasty with a fire hydrant!"

"Heehee!" Pinkie grinned sideways. "One makes fires! The other one puts them out!"

"All things considered, stranger things have happened," Rarity said. "Why, I once had these two high school friends who hated each other's guts. Absolutely detestable in one another's presence! You couldn't enjoy a single conversation with the two of them within eyeshot without them getting into some horrible argument after another."

"Lemme guess..." Applejack droned, gazing ahead as they traversed a bend in the path. "At yer first reunion, they turned out to be married."

"Actually, no. They both perished in the Great Fillydelphia Flood three years ago."

"... ... ..." Applejack blinked. "Oh..."

"But I know they would absolutely have made the most stunning couple had they lived long enough to wear my ensembles at the Gala."

"And in speaking of stunninnnnng..." Pinkie bounced closer to Applejack, eyebrows wagging. "I'm still trying to find my hoofsies after being floored by that nuzzliest of nuzzles back there."

"Buh?"

"Hmmmm—yes. Pinkie is quite... on point," Rarity said.

"Heehee! The Pinkie Point!"

"Just how much sweat have you and the esteemed Mr. Leaves been sharing on the farm as of late, Applejack, dear?" Rarity craned her neck. "Hmmm?"

"Now dun y'all start." Applejack nevertheless bore a freckled smirk as she drew the wagon along. "Stu and I are just... really good friends, is all."

"Really really really really really really good friends!" Pinkie sang.

"Darling, you two spend all of your time together!" Rarity exhaled. "Ever since Apple Bloom recovered, I hardly see you two apart!"

"Well... of course!" Applejack blinked. "I mean... I've got family and he's got pegasus duties. And then there's... uhm... financial meetings with Fancy Pants... and of course dinner and livestock feedin' and usin' the outhouse..."

"Psssst!" Pinkie leaned in to Rarity. "She hasn't said 'nap time' yet!"

"Heeeeeeeeeee..." Rarity bit her lip, squealing mischievously. "I know!"

"I was gettin' to that!" Applejack frowned.

"Oh Applejack. Your orange coat is most fiery when you blush."

"Dag nabbit! He's a gentlecolt! And I ain't no revolvin' door!"

Thud! Leaves scattered on the three mares' flanks.

"...?" Curious, Applejack and the other two looked behind them.

Rainbow rubbed her head, having just bumped into a tree whose branches were shaking above them. "Erm... my bad..." She smiled nervously. "Uh... got distracted with the... scenery."

Applejack blinked. She opened her muzzle to say something—

"In all seriousness, Applejack, I must say..." Rarity trotted closer. "You do have a... fine friend in that stallion. And if it were to become more than that, then don't feel like you need to hold back from asking for some frank advice. You know... from mare to mare—"

"—PIES!" Pinkie hollered. "Bake him lots and lots of pies! Stallions love pies!"

"Eugh... Pinkie..." Rarity sighed.

"What?! It's true! I learned it in Rock Camp!"

"I have no interest in fillin' this camp trip with a bunch of dag blame'd useless gossip." Applejack snarled. "And I sure as Tartarus ain't bakin' no stallion no pies!" She stared ahead.

Pinkie grinned. "What's Stu's favorite flavor?"

"Blueberry—" Applejack went crosseyed. She stomped her hooves. "Dag nabbit!"

Pinkie and Rarity giggled together.

Floating up from behind, Rainbow Dash sighed. She hung her head.

A yellow hoof rested on her shoulder. Rainbow turned to see Fluttershy smiling at her.

"Ahem..." Fluttersy calmly spoke towards the group. "I know! Who here knows some good hiking songs?"

"Trixie does!"

"... ... ...anypony else?"

Dash Around the Wagons

"Trixie doesn't get it." She looked back at the rest of the group as they trotted along. "What would possess anypony to place one bottle of cider on the wall, much less ninety-nine of them?"

"It's a song, Trixie," Twilight said with a groan. "It doesn't have to make sense."

"Then what is the purpose of expending one's lung capacity in creating such melodic bedlam?"

"Erm..."

"As a scientist, Sparkle, Trixie would half expect you to scoff at the very waste of energy."

"'Scoff?!'" Pinkie Pie slid forward between the two, eyes wide. "'Waste of energy?!' 'Panties?!'"

"Erm... Pinkie?" Twilight blinked. "Trixie didn't once mention that third thi—"

"Sister, singing is a way of life!" Pinkie stuck her tongue out. "You don't even know!"

"Evidently, Trixie does not." Trixie tilted her chin up. "And as such, Trixie has more time and resources to contribute to scientific pursuits."

"Like the digestibility of pine cones?"

"Why does everypony insist on making that joke around Trixie?!"

Twilight chuckled. "No reason, Trixie. Heheheh... no reason." She and Pinkie giggle-snorted.

Trixie stomped her hooves. "Trixie cannot stand for this confusion! Please! Somepony explain this to Trixie!"

A few spaces behind, Rarity groaned. "Eugh... I knew I was being generous when I accepted Twilight's choice of bringing that fuzzy blue specimen along for the hike, but now...?"

"Oh, relax, Rarity," Fluttershy said with a smile. She flapped her wings, gliding along at a graceful pace. "I find Trixie's presence... invigorating."

"You do?"

"Mmmmhmmm..." Fluttershy nodded. "Besides, have you noticed how much she's making Twilight giggle?"

"I thought that was Pinkie Pie's doing."

Fluttershy winked. "One must pay close attention to these things."

"Mmmm... I suppose. Although I could stand to pay attention more quietly."

"Heeheeheee... wouldn't we all?" Fluttershy smiled. After a blink, she looked behind her.

Rainbow Dash flew at the rear of the group, her head hanging low.

Fluttershy blinked. She looked ahead.

Applejack drew the wagon, legs moving evenly, a smile hanging off her face. The country mare hummed and whistled to herself, murmuring "bottles of cider" between every other note.

"Ahem..." Fluttershy cleared her throat. "Say... uhm... Applejack." She flew a bit closer. "Did you hear about... a-about the tornado that the pegasi of Ponyville are going to be summoning?"

"Huh?" Applejack looked over her shoulder. "What's that?"

"Cloudsdale has requested able-bodied pegasi to make a tornado to sweep away several dead trees lining the north edge of the Everfree Forest."

"Oh yeah! The Twister!" Applejack smirked. "Stu's told me all about that. I lent some apples for him to treat the fliers the other day."

"Is that so?" Fluttershy smiled pleasantly. "Did you know that Rainbow Dash is captaining the team that Stu is on?"

"...?" From the back, Rainbow Dash looked up. She blinked.

"Well, yeah. He did mention that. But... y'know..." Applejack shrugged. "Weather flyin' ain't exactly my strong suit, so many of the details are lost to me."

"It's actually pretty interesting. Rainbow Dash—as captain of her tornado team—is single-hoofedly responsible for maintaining the very bottom of the tornado's cyclonic cone."

"Whew... that sounds mighty complicated!" Applejack smirked over her shoulder. "Way to go, Rainbow Dash! They obviously picked the right mare for the right thang!"

"Er... yeah... totally..." Rainbow gulped, smiling nervously. "Lot of... hard work..."

"Just what kind of work goes into formin' the bottom of a tornado, anyways?" Applejack's freckled face scrunched. "What... do ya just spin in circles and hope for the rest of the team above ya to maintain things all revolvin' door-like?"

"Well... uh..." Rainbow Dash fidgeted. "It's actually kind of textbookish and bori—"

"It's very exciting!" Fluttershy cooed, hovering behind Rainbow Dash. "And I'm sure Rainbow would absolutely love to tell you all about her previous adventures in tornado making!"

"Previous... adventures—?" Rainbow stammered.

"Especially since she desperately needs a break to rest her legs from the fall she suffered the other day."

Rarity gasped. "Good heavens!"

"Fall?" Applejack stammered.

"Fall—?" And Rainbow winced as a yellow body shoved her from behind. "Ooomf!" She plopped across the wagon behind Applejack. Frowning, she sat up. "Flutters? What giv—"

"That's right, Rainbow Dash! You just rest up for a bit! I'm sure AJ doesn't mind!"

"Uhhh—"

"Not one bit, partner!" Applejack adjusted her hat, smirking back at the pegasus. "Ya shoulda told me you was shoulderin' a flight injury!"

Rainbow's eyes twitched. "...p-partner?" her voice cracked.

"Just lie back for a bit. Ya ain't addin' too much more weight to the wagon anyways," Applejack said with a wink. "So... tell me about how you got this here injury."

"Uhmmmmm..." Rainbow Dash glanced back at Fluttershy.

Fluttershy hid her face partially behind two hooves. She smiled so hard that her dimples flushed red.

"Bet it was a real whiz-banger of a bump, knowin' you!"

Rainbow Dash sighed heavily. With a delirious smile, she turned towards Applejack. "I-I guess I... hit my head a bit too hard to remember it too well."

"Ah. Well." Applejack shrugged in mid-trot. "That's understandable."

"Butttttt..." Rainbow Dash repositioned herself, sitting with feline poise atop the wagon. "...I do remember this one time I survived a dislocated shoulder after banging against the walls of the Ghastly Gorge."

"Whoah nelly!" Applejack stammered. "You never did tell me that one!"

"There're a lot of things I haven't told you."

"Well, we ain't exactly fixin' to be buckin' trees or makin' tornadoes anytime soon. Go ahead and fill me in, sugarcube! I'm all ears!"

Rainbow Dash exhaled, her wingtips fluttering. "Okay. So... this one time... in Ghastly Gorge... I flew smack-dab into the jawline of a Quarry Eel."

"Quarry... Eel...?"

"Imagine if you crossed Big Macintosh with a dragon and a snake and gave it a huuuuuuuuuuge underbite."

"Ah. So basically Big Mac on a Monday morning."

"Heeheehee! Sure... so... uhm... anyways... I slammed into the thing and went flying. Nyeaaaaaaaaaauuurrrr—!"

Bed Butts

"... ... ...AJ?"

"...yeah, Rainbow?"

"I... uh... I'm really glad... y'know..."

"Mmmm? About what?"

"That... uh... that Apple Bloom is doing okay. That she's fully recovered n'stuff."

"Oh. Yeah. Me too, sugarcube. Me too."

"I mean it. I... I may not show it much, but... but I can get pretty freaked out when something bad happens to a pony I... mmm... care about, y'know."

"Yeah, well, at least ya keep yer head in the game."

"Huh?"

"You dun fetched Zecora and Noir when Apple Bloom needed them the most. That was right smart of ya."

"Yeah, but—"

"All I did was... heck... sit around all mopey-like by her bedside for days."

"Well, she's your sister, Applejack."

"Dun mean I have any right to be useless."

"You weren't useless!"

"Heh... like hay I wasn't."

"You were moral and familial support! And... a-a-and—"

"Believe it or not, Rainbow, there are times when even I can't do a darn thang."

"... ... ..."

"Still... it's a mighty good thang that them flowers showed up when they randomly did. Mmmmm... eeyup... Celestia-given miracle."

"Heh... yeah. Tell me about it."

"It's been weeks, and still no proper explanation. I'm thinkin' Twilight, Trixie, Zecora, and Noir have just plum given up on understandin' it. Luna knows I have."

"Guess it's totally awesome enough to have Apple Bloom back, huh?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, maybe... m-maybe it's like karma, y'know?"

"Pffft... ain't no such thang."

"Yeah, well, if it was a thing, AJ... you'd be the first pony to deserve something good happening. I mean you and your family in general."

"Awwwww... we get along fine."

"I mean it. You all just... give so much to Ponyville. I'm really super glad that things worked out. You deserve no less."

"I think I get what I deserve as it is."

"Oh?"

"I have wonderful friends like you. Ain't that enough?"

"... ... ...if you think so, Applejack, then... then I-I..."

"Mmffff-guahhh..."

"Huh? Oh... Oh jeez. Sorry. This isn't the right t-time..."

"It's okay, sugarcube. Just... just can barely keep my eyes open."

"Right. Gotcha. Uhm... I'm just happy, y'know?"

"Me too, Rainbow. Me too."

"Have a good night's sleep, Applejack."

"See ya in the mornin', sugarcube."

"Yeah. See ya."

"... ... ..."

"..."

"What If This Is As Good As It Gets?"

Rainbow Dash lay in her sleeping mat.

Curled up.

Hugging herself.

She stared blankly ahead, navigating the fuzzy texture of darkness.

Hours passed.

At last, with an aching shift to her shoulders, the mare sat up. She rubbed her eyes and looked towards the other side of the tent.

Applejack lay face-up, her lungs slowly expanding and contracting. It could have been imagination playing tricks on Rainbow's eyes in the dim starlight, but she could have sworn she saw the mare's freckles curved in the shape of an undying smile.

Rainbow exhaled. She slicked her bangs back and glanced at the zippered tent flap.

On softly padding hooves, the pegasus trotted out of the cave. She left her friends sleeping behind in their various tents.

Before her, a circle of logs surrounded a pile of debris where a fire had been.

Rainbow stood above the vacant camp. She stared at the mess until her ruby eyes became one with the ashes that they were reflecting.

She exhaled. Her head tilted up. With a flap of limp wings, Rainbow Dash lifted up into the air.

Cricket song serenaded Rainbow Dash as she drifted above the pine trees and rocky outcroppings.

Soon, the mouth of the cave—and the camp—were so far away that they barely registered as a blur.

Rainbow Dash perched on a dull cloud. The mists around her glowed with a pale sheen. A full moon illuminated her sighs as she perched upon the roof of the world.

There, in melancholic solitude, with nothing but the wind to echo her breaths...

She repeated six words to the heavens. Over and over again. Until the substance of those sacred syllables lost all cohesion... melting off the tip of her tongue like so many tears.

And it wasn't until an hour had passed... and Rainbow's quiet sobs had relaxed into a gentle hum...

...that she found the courage to smile. It was a heavy thing, a weight that pulled her back down... so that she returned to her tent and slept soundly across from her best friend.

Like a silent sentry.

Flowers for Dashernon

"Ma'am?" Rainbow Dash stepped away from the Banner Company chariot, holding a crate full of colorful flowers. "May you be so kind as to sign for these, please?"

Roseluck grinned at Lily and Daisy beside her vendor stand. "I'm telling you, it's like she's a different mare!"

"I know, right? Did you hear how she was singing a little ballad while unloading her apples?"

"Heehee! I mean, it's uncanny! Like day and night with that mare! Lights up the whole marketplace!"

"Yeah! I mean... she's always been pleasant... but something about life as of late is... is p-positively bringing out this bubbly, feminine side!"

"Yeah! That's the best way I've heard anypoy put it! Heeheehee!"

Rainbow Dash took a deep, deep breath. "Ma'am, could you please sign for these?"

"Yes yes..." Roseluck waved her off. "Just one second." She looked at the other two mares. "Even when her orchards were doing better, it didn't bring out this kind of a personality from her!"

"I'm telling you, it's that new stallion in her life!"

"What's his name... Stuart? Stuey?"

"Stu Leaves!"

"Ah! That's right! Came in from Cloudsdale!"

"No way! You mean that string bean!"

"Ohhhhh—he isn't that bad to look at!"

"Obviously something's working to bring the freckles out of that farm mare all bright and shiny!"

"Heeheehee!"

Rainbow Dash gnashed her teeth. She glared off, starting to shake. "Ma'am..."

"One second! Yeesh! So... have you seen them going on a date yet?"

"Oh, goodness, no! You think it's that serious?"

"Lily, have you seen the sparkle in her eyes? She's head-over-tail for that stallion! Why... I wouldn't be surprised if he pops the question one of these days!"

"Hah! Our town's Applejack? Getting hitched?!"

"Stranger things have happened! I mean... it's not like she's gonna wind up an old maid like her grandmother!"

"Hahah! Poor thing!"

"I mean, lightning can't strike twice, can it?" Roseluck smirked. A blue hoof tapped on her shoulder. "Yes yes..." She turned around. "I'll sign for those in a m—" Schunkkk! "ULP!" Roseluck trembled, bug-eyed, for three whole boucquets had been shoved down her gullet.

Rainbow Dash stomped towards her chariot, hopped in, and took off in a violent gust of wind. FWOOOOSH!

Lily and Daisy tilted their chins up, gawking.

"Mrmmmf—mmmmffff—PTOOIE!" Roseluck spat the flowers loose, wheezed, then bore a nervous smile. "Well... uh... th-they're fresh at least! Eheh..."

For Freckles' Sake

A yawn escaped my fuzzy face.

I pivoted away from the front door, smiled into the sky, and waved a hoof.

Rainbow Dash smiled and waved back. As soon as I had entered my home and closed the door behind me, she took a deep breath.

On bright blue wings, she lifted herself up into the twilight. Stars twinkled around her. A cool wind glided over Ponyville like a big purple bedsheet.

Without thinking...

Without questioning it...

Rainbow Dash glided west...

...sooner than later, she found herself approaching the skies over Sweet Apple Acres.

The shroud of evening masked her approached.

On silent wings, she descended onto the barn. There—daringly close to the Apple Family farm house—she perched. Her wings coiled tightly to her side.

The mare hunched over, eyes narrowing... peering.

She saw through a dimly-lit second story window. From afar, her expert pegasus eyes made out a fuzzy yellow figure being tucked into bed.

Still recovering from her venomous debacle, Apple Bloom looked completely exhausted. However, she still bore a sweet smile as a familiar orange figure drew the duvet over her body and leaned in to kiss her on the forehead. Applejack stood at her bedsite, dimming the lanternlight slightly. A soft voice emanated from the second story of the house as the freckled mare read her sister a bedtime story.

Then... as the sleepy night rolled on...

Applejack caressed the sleeping filly's scarlet bangs. She extinguished the light, then stood as a faint shadow in the pony's dooframe. She lingered there, eyes reflecting the stars in a teary sheen. There was the hint of a loving smile, then flash of freckles, and then Applejack was gone. Still, a tender warmth lingered through the window... never draining.

Rainbow Dash sighed. She rested her chin on her crossed forelimbs. Minutes limped by as she sat there on top of the barn. Her vision turned blurry as the first of many tears formed. And yet—as they trickled down her fuzzy cheeks—she was smiling. Even as she sniffed and battled sobs, the smile refused to go away. Her heart pounded in ways that she hadn't allowed it to in ages, and she almost felt like a criminal for holding it back for so long.

Eventually, rubbing her cheeks dry, the pegasus took wing...

...then took the long flight home. It wasn't as lonesome as she was used to, for every time Rainbow closed her eyes... it was full of freckles.

And she smiled even more.

She slept soundly that night... even if it was on her couch.

Sweet Apple Anxieties

Fwoooooooosh!

Rainbow Dash landed on the front lawn before the Sweet Apple Acres farmhouse.

"Yo, AJ!" Panting for breath, Rainbow Dash spun in a circle. She looked every which way. "Applejack! Applejack, are you there?!"

Silence.

Apple trees and horse carts lingered all around her in silence.

Rainbow gulped. "Hey! It's me, Rainbow Dash! Can we talk for a sec?"

More silence.

"Hello?!"

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. She looked towards the porch. On brisk hooves, she galloped up to the front door and knocked her hoof against the frame.

"Applejack...?"

There was no response.

"I just got done talking to Fluttershy and... and..." She peered in through a window, squinting. "...are you even there?"

She heard a very familiar thumping sound.

"...?" Rainbow Dash spun around. She marched out from beneath the patio, then flapped her wings just enough to hover a few feet above the ground. "Applejack?"

Off in the distance, several rows of trees down, she spotted an unmistakable orange shape in the middle of the orchard, angrily bucking at the trees. Red fruit fell roughly across the floor. The mare didn't bother picking any of them up—instead just trotting up to the next tree and ruthlessly kicking it.

Rainbow blinked. "Applejack! Yeesh, girl, where've you—" She flew forward, but immediately stopped. The mare looked aside, eyes narrowing.

In front of a barn, several wooden crates and barrels lingered in shattered splinters. The dirt beneath them was covered all over in deep horseshoe impressions—all Applejack's size.

Rainbow gulped. Lips trembling, she looked worriedly out at the orchards. At last, after a deep breath, she steeled herself and flew towards the orange figure. Her legs dangled beneath her, limp and numb.

Whoah Nelly

Applejack's ears tickled.

With a blink, she stood up from the basket of apples she was pushing to the barn. She adjusted her hat and turned around just in time to greet—

Fwoooooooosh! Rainbow Dash flew in from town. "Applejack!"

"Rainbow Dash!" With a smile, Applejack tilted the brim of her hat back. "Well, howdy there, Partner!"

"Uhhh... h-hi... I, uhm..."

"Yeah?"

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. Her wings flapped less and less, and she descended until all four hooves touched the ground. "I... uhm... I was just... er..." She kicked at the ground, wheezed, and produced a limp smile. "H-how's it going?"

"Rainbow, is somethin' the matter?" Applejack tilted her head aside. "I haven't seen ya in two days and... eheh..." She sighed out a bittersweet grin, avoiding the pegasus' gaze. "...reckon I was out of sorts the last time you saw me."

"Oh, I was just... y'know... hangin' around and... uhm..." Rainbow Dash fidgeted, gazing aside. "Uhhhh..." Her ears drooped. "...whoah."

"Hmm?" Applejack glanced aside as well. Next to the barn was a gargantuan stack of baskets—all full of glistening red apples. "Oh... eheheh... that..."

"Holy... frick..." Rainbow grimaced. She glanced at Applejack, noticing there wasn't a bead of sweat on her. "Did... did you—?"

"Eenope." Applejack shook her head. "None of my doin'. Though... eheh... I kinda wish it was. That's a darn neat heap'o'apples. Already done sold them to Fancy Pants after a meeting we had this mornin'. Some of his stallions should be by tomorrow to make the delivery. Whew..." She pulled her hat off and fanned herself. "We should be makin' some hefty profit real early this month too. I might even have some time to relax and take stock of the farm as a whole. Can ya imagine that?"

"That's... uh..." Rainbow blinked. "That's pretty crazy. But..." She blinked, turning aside to gaze at Applejack. "...if you didn't, then... then who...?"

"Heheheh... ohhhhhhhh Rainbow..." Applejack slapped the hat back on her blonde head and sighed through a smile. "...it's been a crazy thirty-six hours, lemme tell ya..."

Appledashery

It's a little bit funny, really.

Whenever Rainbow Dash talks to me about the next few weeks, she always does so laughing.

I suppose I find it silly because—objectively speaking—it was still as sad an experience as all the others she had been embroiled with at that particular juncture in her life.

But... heh... Rainbow Dash is awesome. She can turn pure calamity into something hilarious in afterthought.

And believe-you-me, despite the best of intentions, she was about to endure some major calamities.

Boy were they calamities.

But, hey, what happens in Las Pegasus...

Backdashing

Earlier that day...

Rainbow's eyes fluttered open.

She blinked, staring up at a familiar ceiling.

Lifting her head, the mare looked around.

The dull, ordinary walls of her bedroom lingered in a dim morning glow.

It was ten minutes until her alarm clock went off. She was a prisoner.

Another blink, and she slumped back onto the bed.

She didn't even have the energy to sigh.

The front door opened.

Rainbow Dash stepped out. Spreading her wings, she prepared to take off—

"Guh!" The mare slipped on something. She looked straight down.

She had stepped on a pile of envelopes. For the moment, the pegasus couldn't remember how long they had been lying on her stoop. Judging from the moisture gathered along the edges, she imagined it had been a while.

Her ruby eyes squinted. She squatted down low and picked the envelopes up. One of them was from Green Saddle Reality. The letter had an ominous weight to it.

"Mmmmm..."

She flipped to the next envelope. Again, Green Saddle Reality.

Rainbow flipped again. Her brow furrowed. So she flipped one more time.

Her hoof grasped a piece of stationary. It was embossed in gold. Turning it over, Rainbow recognized the Mayor of Ponyville's hoofwriting: "Rainbow J Dash. You are cordially invited to City Hall so that you and the rest of your weather team may receive medals of honor for your swift courage in saving the town from—"

"Hrmmmff..." Without looking, Rainbow tossed the mail behind her back and into the house. She closed the front door with a rear hoof, raised her wings, and flew west under the glow of a rising sun.

Caboose'd

Rainbow Dash marched down car after car. An iron frown led her forward, ignoring the colorful shapes of chatting passengers and inquisitive train workers on either side of her blurring vision.

She traversed her way down two passenger cars, a luggage compartment, and at last made her way into the train's caboose.

She reached the very back end of the train. Her hoof clasped the door mechanism, twisted a handle, and—

Schwisssh!

Bright light stabbed her vision, bringing her skull back to a throbbing, aching place.

The mare grimaced, but caught her breath. Shuffling forward, she stood on the rearmost platform just outside the caboose. The world was a wind-whipping streak of green and blue color. Trees whizzed by and telegraph wires served as the percussion in between.

Rainbow took a deep breath. The sun was still low in the east horizon. Judging from the mountains, she already had a good guess as to which direction to take for a swift flight home.

So, flexing her muscles, Rainbow gripped the support bars on the back and leaned her body forward.

A cold shiver ran through her.

The pegasus lingered. She glanced down at the bars—at where her fetlocks gripped the metal surfaces. She clenched her jaw shut, shivering slightly.

Her nerves tingled. Strangely alive... anxious... lucid.

More of the countryside blurred past her. She caught the smells of Equestria taking shape in her awakening senses. In a strange way, it felt like flying backwards.

The mare bit her lip. Her ears folded back. Try as she might, she couldn't find the strength to lift herself from where she stood.

The Slump Express

"Aren't you going to open that envelope, Caramel?" Bon Bon asked.

"Nah..." Caramel smiled, filing the object in question back inside his saddlebag. "I'd much prefer to do it later... when I'm in a nice and comfy hotel."

"You expecting some good news?"

"Oh. Definitely." Caramel giggled. "I have been for some time. Just... so happens that I'm on vacation right when it all comes to a head."

"Heh..." Bon Bon smiled. "If only life was that way all the time, huh?"

"I'm not complaining."

"Then neither am I."

"Wuh oh..." Lyra peered through the glass door.

"Hmmm?" Vinyl murmured, writing notes on her sheets. "What is it?"

"See for yourself, bright eyes."

Vinyl lowered her shades, glancing up.

Bon Bon gasped as—

Schwissssh. The door to the compartment slid open. Rainbow Dash trotted inside on dull hooves. At last, she pivoted around, and slumped down limply between Vinyl and Caramel.

Bon Bon fought a grin until her cheeks burst.

"So you decided to join us after all, huh?" Caramel remarked.

"Mrmmmff... they serve cider in Las Pegasus, right?" Rainbow grumbled.

"Last time I toured," Vinyl droned.

"Cool." Rainbow rubbed her head and leaned back with a sigh. She tilted her head back, shutting her eyes. "At least I can drown somewhere that's luxurious."

"Hey..." Lyra shrugged. "That's my motto. It's worked for me so far."

"Heeheeheee!" Bon Bon clapped her hooves together. "The five of us! Doing something epic for a change! This is going to be so fun!"

Caramel joined her cheers.

"Meh," Rainbow meh'd.

...Then Comes the Breeze

Rainbow Dash flew east.

She huffed and puffed, squinting her eyes to the dusty winds of the desert.

Craggy mountains and arid valleys stretched north and south of her.

Barely two minutes of flying, and her muzzle already felt horribly parched.

She ignored it. She ignored everything: the pain, the lethargy, the thirst...

...the anger.

In the distance, Las Pegasus peeked over a ridge of dull orange stone. Rainbow saw the glistening tower connecting the Lower and Upper halves of the gambling town. Then, all of a sudden, the city stopped growing closer.

Because Rainbow had stopped flying.

She descended onto a plateau, panting for breath. The mare clenched her eyes shut. She shook in place. She gnashed her teeth.

"... ... ..."

Fuming, the mare reopened her eyes, glaring.

Slowly, like melting ice, her ears drooped. Her tail hung limp.

At last, Rainbow Dash clenched her jaw tight. She pivoted... she turned around...

She sighed.

Listing Breeze finished the last of her water bottle. Leaning against the side of her carriage, the mare stifled a burp, then crushed the plastic thing to her forehead. With a grunt, she spun and tossed the bottle into the sea of junk.

Clap! A blue hoof caught the plastic wad in midair.

Listing blinked. "... ... ...that's quite a catch."

"You have no idea," Rainbow muttered.

"So your legs aren't so useless after all."

"It's not my legs that brought me here," Rainbow said, touching down.

Listing smiled. "Then what did?"

"I don't know." Rainbow tossed the bottle overher head and bucked it into the rusted debris with a rear hoof. "Guess I'm just a glutton for punishment."

"Same booger as ever."

"Shut it." Rainbow squinted. "Tell me what the problem is so we can get this crud over with."

"You sure?"

"No." Rainbow snorted. "Now start talking."

Free Falling

Rainbow Dash flew somewhere... anywhere.

She followed the streak of stars. Valleys, mountains, and plateaus drifted coldly beneath her. Before she knew it, a full ten minutes had passed since she last heard Listing's yelling voice.

The freedom was real. Rainbow drifted lazily up and down, allowing the nightly winds to wield a bit of control.

She said nothing. Thought nothing.

And, in return, the desert gave nothing—nothing but emptiness. A delightful avoid. Rainbow filled it with her breaths, gliding, more or less falling. Somewhere in the distance, Las Pegasus loomed—a tickle of silver light in Rainbow Dash's peripheral vision. She never faced it, and yet she never lost track of it.

The mare was quite used to night flying. In fact, Rainbow was used to just about everything. Every square inch of the sky—every cloud, sunlit or not—was in reach. It was always in reach. All she had to do was kick off the ground.

For the moment, she couldn't imagine how she ever once felt anchored to anything.

Rainbow Dash closed her eyes. With the numbness in her legs, it was difficult to tell from the winds whether she was ascending or descending. And yet, she knew that the ground was far enough away that she didn't have to worry about it.

She pondered over why she ever felt anxious about anything in the first place. Such a tiny world with such tiny ponies. The sky was even bigger. Surrounding. All encompassing. It was such a cool, bright, blissful frontier that very few could access and even fewer had the urge to conquest.

Rainbow had that urge. It was just thin from months... and years of neglect. She almost felt guilty, but decided not to... because she realized she could even make that decision.

Her lungs hurt. She realized she was holding her breath in. She exhaled in a gasp, and her body tingled inside out. She felt tiny. Fragile. Precious... and yet unbreakable. For once, being petite didn't shame or embarrass her.

Rainbow's eyes opened. She saw something blacker than night below the horizon. He neck tilted and she squinted into the earth. A deep, gaping canyon lay under dim starlight.

On a whim, Rainbow bent her right wings, arched to the side, and sharply descended.

Well, Then

Rainbow Dash trotted up to Bon Bon's door.

She took a deep, shuddering breath.

Finally—after mustering enough courage—she leaned in and knocked her hoof on the door.

"Bon Bon...?" Rainbow gulped. "Good morning. It's... uh... it's me. Rainbow Dash."

Silence.

"Bon Bon?" Rainbow bit her lip. "I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am... y'know... for ditching everyone at the night club. But... like... I'm okay now and stuff. Nothing to worry about. So, if you wanna give me the third degree, I'm more than capable of handling it."

She heard a muffled voice, squeaking.

The mare blinked. "Bon Bon?" She winced. "Oh please... don't cry..." She turned the doorknob and opened the door. "It's fine, really!" She peered in. "I'm A-okay! Honest! Nothing to worried about! I'm doing well and—" Rainbow Dash froze.

The room was bathed in a rosy red light. Furniture had been turned over and bedsheets tossed across the floor. The air smelled of incense and day-old strawberries. Bon Bon lay on the mattress, panting and sweating through a delirious smile. She stared across the bedroom until her beady eyes met with Rainbow Dash's. The same could be said of Lyra... who was positioned atop the mare beneath a tangled mess of satin sheets.

Rainbow Dash blinked.

Lyra and Bon Bon blinked wide.

Slam!

Rainbow shut the door, wincing. A gulp.

"Uhm... n-never mind!"

Silence.

Rainbow turned around... and quietly trotted to her room.

==Part Twenty-Three: Loyal to the End==

==Part Twenty-Three: Loyal to the End==

It was early morning.

Rainbow Dash's mane still smelled of train steam. Her ears rang with the howl of an engine's whistle.

Nevertheless, with instinctive motions, she opened the front door to her cloud home and limped her way into the foyer.

She was greeted by shadows. Every dark color was the same. Every empty space mimicked the other.

She breathed in... and breathed out.

She made no move to place her luggage down because the mare hadn't brought any luggage with her on the "vacation" to begin with. All in all, she found herself standing in the dead center of the foyer for nothing.

If not for just the familiarity of the dull lurch.

Rainbow sighed. She closed her eyes and swayed on numb limbs. She had been without her medicine for so long that she felt almost like a torso drifting in the breeze.

She needed to wake up... both inside and out.

The shower beckoned. Her muzzle twitched. Rainbow wasn't smiling, but it was the closest thing she could afford.

On thudding fetlocks, she stumbled forward...

...when the first morning light caught the glint of a varnished rectangle of wood directly outside her front house window.

"...?" The mare spun about. With strong wings, she threw herself at the door, opened it, and looked at the cloudbed extending from her front stoop. Her muzzle dropped as she caught a better look at the sign that had been stamped into her levitating property.

It was a bright white sign, owned by a local pegasus realtor.

Two bold red words burned into Rainbow Dash's retinae: "FOR SALE"

Rainbow's feathertips wilted as her ears drooped.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Luna poop..."

Part Twenty-Three: Loyal To the End
(When Even Her Last Leg Is Gone, All Rainbow Has Is Her Heart)

Home Is Where the Hump Is

It was night when Rainbow Dash touched down on the front cloud bed of her floating home. She immediately locked her limbs, staring dead ahead of her.

Even in the starlight, the varnished surface of the "For Sale" sign glinted with malevolent purpose. No amount of wind had turned the post crooked over the past twelve hours.

With a fuming breath, Rainbow lifted one wing. She grasped a bundle of freshly-signed papers. Another sigh, and she entered her home.

"Mrmmfff... grnnngh..." Panting, sweating, Rainbow shoved several bits of furniture across her room. It took the better part of two hours, but she managed to empty two cabinets and a chest before relocating them towards the western foyer.

In the third hour, however, her strength gave out. Or—more appropriately—her limbs. She grimaced, pausing for several minutes to sit and flex her forelimbs.

No amount of exercising could bring more than a miniscule tingling sensation back to her hooves. The mare exhaled in frustration, glancing at the multiple pieces of furniture still lingering in her apartment.

She sighed... and the sigh turned into a groan... and the groan conspired with gravity—pulling Rainbow Dash down so that she collapsed on her back, staring up at the ceiling.

Only one light was on in the house. Rainbow felt the need to conserve whatever energy or mana she had left in the abode. Even still, the dimness magnified the unshakeable feeling that her home had always been a domain of shadows.

She closed her eyes, and she didn't feel a difference. It was both a distressing and comforting sensation. So long as she had eyelids, she could be home anywhere.

Her mind lingered on the thought, and then it lingered on nothing. For she had fallen asleep.

Well, Buck

Rainbow Dash limped through the entrance to her home. After several plodding steps, she finally dropped the saddlebag full of jugs onto the kitchen room floor.

Her wings stretched as she felt the weight lifted off of her. With a sigh, she paced over to the bathroom and washed her face.

Several lingering minutes later, she returned to the kitchen. Her eyes reflected a veritable wall of disordinate furniture. She still had several hefty things to move.

So, steeling herself with deep breaths, she downed half-a-jug of medicine... and got to work.

Two minutes into it... not a single piece of furniture had budged.

"Nrnnnghhh... grnnfff..." Rainbow strained and strained. Despite all of her efforts, she couldn't get a couch to move more than half-an-inch. She didn't realize what the problem was until she put her wings into it. Finally she got the furniture to slide a few centimeters, but the mystery only deepened.

And then...

She leaned back, resting...

...and she couldn't feel her forelimbs.

"...?" Rainbow flexed her fetlock. A slight tingle was there, but nothing more.

Confused, the mare stumbled back to the kitchen table. She took the half-empty jug and drank the rest of its contents. The mare stood in place, waiting for the enchanted brew to do its job.

...and nothing happened.

Rainbow looked at her forelimb. Aside from a slight tingle, the hoof felt empty... hollow... almost as if it wasn't even there.

Rainbow glanced at the empty jug... then at her limbs again. Sweat bled from her brow as she bit her lip anxiously...

Moving Right Along

"Don't you worry, Miss Dash!" exclaimed a stallion in a chipper voice. He stood behind a counter of a warehouse, scribbling onto a clipboard. "Here at Clyde and Sons Moving Company, we pride ourselves on our speed and efficiency!"

"Yeah, that's cool and all," Rainbow murmured, hovering above him. "But... like... how quickly do you think you can get all the stuff moved from one place to another?"

"Heheh... well... I can't promise that any of us are as speedy as the Great Rainbow Dash." He winked with a smile. "Y'know... my cousin was there in Cloudsdale at the Best Young Fliers Competition when you produced the Sonic Rainboom. Really epic stuff, ma'am—"

"Yeah. Uh huh." Rainbow cleared her throats. "How quickly can you guys get my furniture to Ponvyille Pawn?"

"Youuuuuuuuuu mean the shop that's in the heart of downtown?"

"Right."

"Well, that's not very far at all!" The stallion beamed. "We can get all the things you listed transported in less than six hours!"

"Is that at your standard rate?" Rainbow Dash asked.

The stallion blinked. "Well... yes. As I said, Miss Dash, it's not that great of a distance. We're... uh... used to shipping things across the greater lengths of Equestria—"

Rainbow pointed at a poster on the wall behind him. "What about the Express Rate?"

"Ma'am?"

"That's your fastest service, right?"

"Oh... y-yes! Definitely! It's just that—"

"Wouldn't that get the stuff to the shop in less than three hours?"

"Less than two, actually. We... pride ourselves on our speed. And we'll have five workhorses on the move." The stallion squinted his eyes. "If you don't mind me asking, why the big hurry, Rainbow Dash?"

"I do mind you asking, thank you very much," Rainbow grunted. "It's your fastest and most expensive service. Do you or do you not want the bits?"

"Well... I... uh..."

"I'd like the Express Rate, please," Rainbow said, sliding the bag of bits over. "You should find more than enough in there."

The stallion gazed at the satchel, then at her. He forced a smile to his face. "M-most certainly, Miss Dash." He nodded. "We're more than happy to help you." He cleared his throat and brought the pen to his clipboard. "When... uh... when would you like to schedule the move?"

"As early as possible," Rainbow said.

"Well, we have a window open at the start of this coming week—"

"That's great, but I mean as early in the morning as possible," Rainbow muttered, gazing across the warehouse. "I... want as few ponies to witness the move as possible."

"We... start our services as early as five in the morning."

"Great." Rainbow Dash sighed. "That'll do."

Move

Rainbow's eyes didn't dry until the next morning, and even then it was difficult to keep them open.

She stood in her bathroom, gazing at the mirror.

All of the furnishings and bat equipment had been removed. It was just her and the shadows. That's what it always had been.

She sighed. Her breath fogged the glass. She no longer bothered to wipe it clean.

Just then, she heard the distant ring of her doorbell resonating throughout her house.

Another exhale. Rainbow reached forward. It took her the better part of a minute, but she was finally able to grip the frame of the mirror and carry it with her into the foyer.

"To be honest, Miss Dash, the boys and I expected to be lugging a lot more around!" A stallion shoved a partially collapsed bed into a chariot. He wiped the sweat from his brow and smiled at her in the early morning light. "Just two movers could have gotten this stuff out in the time slot you scheduled!"

"The more the merrier... the faster the better," Rainbow droned, watching from beneath the shadow of her floating home. Her eyes traced other stallions as they carried out her chairs, sofas, and tables. "Need I go on?"

"Hey... we're just happy to serve!" The stallion made room in the chariot for two of his partners to drop in an ironing board and a coat-wrack. "We're taking this to the heart of Ponyville?"

"Yeah. To the address listed," Rainbow said.

"The pawn shop, right?" The stallion blew out the side of his muzzle. "We'll be there in a sneeze!"

"I'll meet you there," Rainbow said.

Within minutes, they held true to his words. The workhorses plopped the last bit of furniture into the back of the cart. Collectively, they lifted it into the air and flew southwest towards downtown Ponyville. The light of the rising sun glinted off the spokes of their wagon wheels.

Rainbow Dash flapped her wings. She lifted off the ground and made to zoom after them.

Pausing briefly, however, she turned to look up at her floating house. She couldn't see the empty rooms from the exterior... and yet she felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from her body.

It still didn't bring more than a tingle to her forelimbs.

With a heavy sigh, she spread her wings to the cool morning wind and blurred her way southwest.

Cupcakes and Trees

Laughter wafted out the open windows to Sugarcube Corner. None of the chortling voices made Rainbow's heart jumped, and that was how she knew that Pinkie Pie wasn't among them. Trotting by, she found it curious just how tiny the pink, ornamental bakery was up close. A place that small couldn't contain Pinkie Pie for long, so it was a wonder that she wasn't bursting out at the exact time that Rainbow Dash made her melancholic stroll.

Was it Rainbow's fault that her friends were so terribly easy to avoid?

Rainbow Dash spotted the central market of Ponyville in her peripheral vision. There, she sensed moving, wandering, conversing figures. There was no shouting... no arguing... just a domestic hush that kept the heart of the town beating, lingering, but never skipping.

It was a miracle that Rainbow Dash had lasted a single night when she first arrived there, brash and boastful, several years ago.

A mule drew a wagon across the main road. A flock of birds fluttered over head. Rainbow looked... turned... inhaled and exhaled. Her eyes caught the distant glint of a clock tower on the southwest side of town. Not far away—she knew—Fluttershy's cottage rested... a final bastion of cobblestone before the Everfree endlessness.

She took the long way around the west end of town, approaching the forest.

At last, Rainbow Dash froze in her tracks.

The edge of the forest lay before her. A mild clearing ate its way into the verdant canopy. Just a half-hour's stroll at her current speed, and she'd be at the front stoop to Zecora's hut.

She'd be one conversation away from hooking up with Noir's lunar companions.

A bright afternoon buzzed overhead. Golden rays of sunlight glinted off the leaves of wind-swept tree boughs. Rainbow was momentarily afraid that—if she took wing—she might be blinded.

The shade invited her end. She teetered... tipped forward on the edges of her hooves...

...but moved no further.

The silence in her throat had hardened into a sour lump. So much had evaporated... so much had melted and been swept away... but she was still a bundle of confused thoughts wrapped around an aching core.

She had to press on forward.

She needed to move on...

...which is precisely why Rainbow Dash didn't. Heavy hooves took her stumbling about... until she didn't know where she was going—only that it wasn't towards the Everfree Forest. It wasn't towards Zecora's hut.

And before Rainbow Dash knew it...

...she was lost.

For the first time in months, it almost felt like an upgrade.

Zoom Zoom

"Hmmm-hmmm-hmmmm..."

Pinkie Pie bounced along, her eyes happily shut.

Mane and tail-flouncing, she merrily made her way down Ponyville's Main Street.

"Hmm-hmmm-hmmmmmm... remember me to one who lives therrrrre..."

On a dime—she stopped, her body vibrating like a struck stop sign.

"Huh?" Her nostrils flared in the morning crispness. "I smell a Dashie."

Pinkie Pie turned around, squinting. At long last, her scanning eyes spotted a blue figure buying edible flowers at a vendor.

"I do!" Pinkie cheered. "I do smell a Dashie!" Swooosh! She zipped over by the pegasus' side. "Good morning, Rainbow! Whatcha doinnnnnn'?"

"Mrmmmff..." A bleary-eyed Rainbow finished hoofing a few bits over to the vendor and stuffing the breakfast into her saddlebag.

"Well, that's easy for you to say!" Pinkie giggle-snorted. "Me? I like to get all my 'mrmmmff' out of the way the night before so that way I can get lots of stuff done in a day! But, as a daily 'mrmmmffer', I can admittedly get exhausted with the hobby from time to time. Heeheehee...!"

Rainbow Dash said nothing. She turned tail, teetered slightly, and trotted straight past Pinkie Pie.

The party mare blinked. "Say... uhhhh..." She turned and hopped after the pegasus. "You don't have to spend those bits for a simple snack! Just come on over to Sugarcube Corner! I'll give you some munchies on the house!" She winked in mid-bounce. "I'll even open early just for you, Dashie!"

Rainbow Dash sighed. She continued trotting.

"Dashie?" Pinkie Pie squinted, hobbling after her. "Helloooooooo? Cat got your uvula?"

"I'm busy, Pinkie Pie," Rainbow finally grumbled.

"Busy? Busy with what? Can't be so busy that good ol' Pinkie Pie can't lend a hoof!"

"I'm really really busy."

"Yeah? And? I can be really really helpful! Heeheehee!"

Rainbow growled, then breathed: "You know what? You can help me."

"Of course! Just name it!"

"I've... uh... misplaced my coconuts," Rainbow muttered. "I think I left them on the counter the last time I visited Sugarcube Corner."

"Oh really?! Want me to fetch them for you?"

"Yeah. Sure." Rainbow trotted along.

"Can do, Dasharooni! Just wait right here!" Zoooooooooom! Pinkie Pie vanished in a streak.

Seconds ticked by.

And then...

Zooooooom! Pinkie reappeared, skidding to a stop. "Waitttttttttt a second!" She frowned into midair. "There hasn't been a single coconut in Sugarcube Corner for months! I should know! I personally monitor Mr. And Mrs. Cake's Daily Coconut Counter!"

Silence.

"Dashie?"

More silence.

Pinkie looked around. "Dashie?" There was no sign of the pegasus. "Huh... I didn't just dream a grumpy, bleary-eyed Rainbow Dash again, did I?"

Round Up the Gang... No, Not That Gang

"See?" Caramel pointed at a bright patch of sky above a hilltop on the east side of town. "It's totally gone!"

Vinyl Scratch lifted her shades so she could squint with her naked eyes.

"Not a single trace of it left!" Caramel's voice cracked. "It's like it was never there at all!"

"... ... ...you sure this was the spot?"

"Yes, Vine! See? Look!" Caramel turned to gesture at the hilltop. "That's where we once set up that makeshift catapult... uh... thingy to launch her onto her front stoop! And over there?" She pointed at a stretch of trees. "That's where Rainbow would often hang her laundry out to dry!"

"When has she ever done laundry... much less hung it out to dry?" Vinyl asked.

"Look..." Caramel shrank in place, blushing slightly. "...I have clothes-senses, okay?"

Vinyl sighed heavily. "...this is nuts."

"I know, right?!" Caramel exclaimed. "I looked all over town for Rainbow, but I couldn't find her! Where in Equestria would she have moved her house?"

"It wasn't moved," Vinyl said, suddenly pacing forward.

"Huh?" Caramel blinked.

"If this was Cloudsdale, then maybe it would have been relocated. But this far from a pegasus maretropolis?" Vinyl shook her head. "I'm pretty sure it was dissolved."

"Dissolved?"

"Mmmm... so that the moisture that made up the once-hard cloudstone could be re-used elsewhere. Here. Look." Vinyl stooped low, brushing her hooves over several brown-tinged blades of grass. "Mana burns... in a perfect rectangle."

"What's... that supposed to mean?"

"I think an evaporation machine was used here," Vinyl said. "I've seen them used before in Mareami. They can convert an entire apartment of cloudstone into malleable mist—well... malleable to pegasi at least."

"You mean..." Caramel's jaw dropped. "...Rainbow Dash had her home razed to the ground?!"

"Mmmmhmmm." Vinyl stood back up. "Or in this case, to the sky."

"But... but that's insane! Do you know what this means?!" Caramel shivered in place. "She's leaving! Ponyville's most loyal pegasus is actually leaving town for good!"

"If that's the case..." Vinyl sighed, pivoting to face Caramel once again. "...then why is she joining Ponyville's very own Equestrian Marathon?"

Caramel blinked.

"Something's wrong... very wrong," Vinyl said. "And from the sound of it, Rainbow Dash is flopping all over the place."

"But... b-but I can't find her anywhere now!" Caramel fidgeted. "Oh Vinyl... what are we going to do?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

Vinyl trotted towards the outskirts of town. "On who 'we' constitutes."

"Huh?"

"Come along." Vinyl motioned with a fetlock. "Time to shake up a pair of lovebirds' nest."

"Hoboy..."