Chapter 1: Credibility At Last!
Rainbow Dash stood before the group of ponies with a mix of hesitation and dread. When she had heard that the publishing team behind many of Daring Do’s works had called to have a meeting with her, she didn’t know what to expect. She definitely didn’t expect Daring to not be there, for instance. What she did see coming was two prim and proper unicorn mares and a really quiet unicorn stallion beside the pair.
“Miss Rainbow Dash. Do you know what you have been called here for?” the mare on the left asked. She had introduced herself as Ms. Shelly.
Dash shrugged, scratching lightly at the side of her neck. “Uh, not really. I got a letter in my mailbox saying to meet you guys here in Canterlot just the other day. I’m not in trouble, right?”
“On the contrary, quite the opposite,” the middle mare said, her name Ms. Prude.
“Indeed. We wish to speak with you about events concerning the recent Daring Do novel,” the rightmost speaker said, his name being Mr. Pennywinkleton.
“Oh… like how I was in it and everything?” Dash guessed, the top of her forehead laced with sweat.
“More to the point of why you were included in the novel in the first place,” Ms. Prude said, looking over the rim of her overbearing spectacles to look Dash in the eye. “A.K. Yearling isn’t known for including companions throughout the series, which have been limited to romantic interests that never come to fruition in the course of the story.”
“What is odd about this case is that you are not a romantic interest, but merely a bumbling sidekick that just barely helped Daring save the day,” Ms. Shelly added. “This sudden change of pace for Yearling’s style has many of us questioning what you have to do with it.”
Rainbow Dash gulped. Apparently Daring Do forgot to mention about the fact her adventure novels are actually autobiographies to her publishers. “Me? Why, I have nothing to do with anything at all. Nope, not a thing.”
“Then can you please explain to us why you are on the cover of the Daring Do and the Ring of Destiny?” Mr. Pennywinkleton asked, showcasing the story to Dash. There was Daring looking quite valiant and awesome as usual on the front cover, with Dash fumbling alongside with a derped out expression. “Many of us were quite surprised to see a hero of Equestria on the cover of a Daring Do novel.”
“Oh yeah…” Dash’s eyes moved furtively, from one publisher to the next as she desperately grasped any fleeting excuse running through her mind. “I just know… Yearling really well is all.”
“Then do you mind telling us more about her?” Ms. Prude asked. “We have never seen her before, since the rough drafts of her novels are always sent to us at anonymous addresses, and she never shows up for book signings. How did you come to meet her in the first place?”
Unfortunately for Dash, there were no available answers for those questions, and all she could think to reply with was, “Can I make a quick phone call and get back to you guys?”
The three publishers glanced at one another, whispering secretly while casting Dash uneasy looks, then finally agreed with a nod of their heads.
Dash exited the cramp office room and ran down the hallway to the payphone she noticed when she entered the building. Digging out some change and depositing it into the machine, she put in the number she needed and anxiously hopped on one hoof to the other as she nervously waited for the pony on the other end to pick up.
“Hello?” a familiar female voice finally asked.
“Daring Do!” Dash blurted out in relief.
A sigh could be heard on the other end of the line. “Dash, I thought I told you this number was for emergencies only. Not for calling me whenever you wanted to.”
“But this is an emergency!” Dash demanded.
“Calling to ask what I prefered on my dandelion sandwiches was not an emergency. And neither was what was my opinion on the Wonderbolts,” Daring reminded her.
“But this time it’s serious! Your publishing company folks are asking me a bunch of questions!”
Daring paused on the other end before asking, “What type of questions?”
“Why I was in your recent book and what the deal with that was all about. They want to know and I don’t know how to answer!”
“Don’t answer with anything, Dash!” Daring said to her sternly. “I can’t have my publishers know I’m the actual Daring Do.”
“Why’s that?” Dash wanted to know.
“Because, um… see, the thing is…” Daring coughed several times before saying, “If I wrote the novels while I myself am known as Daring Do, then they’d count as autobiographies. Which make fewer bits on the shelves, plus, I get a smaller commission from my publishers.”
“Fewer bits on the shelves? But everypony loves Daring Do stories!”
“Rainbow Dash, be honest with me. When was the last time you ever walked into the non-fiction or autobiography section of a library or bookstore?”
Dash opened her mouth, then closed it when she realized the obvious answer to that question. Never.
“But still, what do I say to them? Can’t you come over here and talk to them?”
“I’m sorry, Dash, but I’m on my honeymoon at the moment,” Daring replied.
“Honeymoon?” Dash yelled, nearly dropping the receiver in her hooves. “Why didn’t you ever tell me about that? Why wasn’t I invited to the wedding? I never even heard about you getting hitched in the books. And who’s the bozo you even married?”
“Dash, Dash, calm down already. This happened before I met you, and not everything about my personal and daily life revolves around my novels,” Daring said. “Listen, I’m about halfway across the world right now and can’t properly deal with the situation at hoof. Which is why I’m depending on you to come up with an excuse to keep my publishers at bay. Got it?”
“Not really…”
“What was that?” Daring asked scrutinously.
“You got it, ma’am!” Dash answered, saluting to a blank wall.
“That’s the spirit I like to hear in my number one fan,” Daring said proudly. “Good luck!” And with that, Daring hung up.
Replacing the receiver back on the payphone, Dash stuck out her chest confidently and marched back down to the room with the publishers. “Okay, Dash, you got this! Daring is counting on you to come up with a good enough excuse to save her tail. You can’t let her down!”
“You did what?” Daring yelled into the phone, nearly causing Dash’s ear drums to pop.
“It’s the only thing I could think of on such short notice!” Dash replied desperately. “I was grasping at straws!”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. But at least you could have chosen anything but that.” Daring groaned on the other end. “How am I supposed to even pull something like that off?”
“Actually, I already did it for you,” Dash explained proudly. “So there’s nothing to worry about.”
“You actually did it?” Daring asked, stunned. “I don’t know whether to be impressed or creeped out. Wait… yeah, I’m creeped out.”
“Hey, it saved our butts, so be happy about that.”
“Ugh… I suppose you’re right,” Daring sighed under her breath. “But did you really have to say you were my secret lover and agree to publish erotic novels of us?”
“Well, the public loves erotica! They can’t get enough of it! When I offered the publishers the first shot at Daring Do word-sex, they were practically begging me to choose them to make the books. So we’re in the clear!” Dash smiled triumphantly at how the turn of events had turned out, while Daring was frowning at the other end of the line.
“I’m just not sure how comfortable I am with having a book published under my name when it’s just shameless smut,” Daring said hesitantly. “I mean, have you ever even written anything before?”
“Not to worry, I’ve been writing for a long while,” Dash explained in good cheer. “And you can expect this type of smut to be of the highest class of the literacy word.”
“I think you meant ‘literary word,’” Daring corrected her.
“Whatever. Point is, I’ve been writing fan fiction of you ever since I read your first novel. I got this in the bag, don’t worry,” Dash said to rest Daring’s fears.
“Fan fiction?” Daring repeated with dread. “Oh no, this is worse than I thought!”
“Actually, Daring, I gotta go,” Dash explained, holding the receiver close to her mouth. “Your publisher folks want a meeting with me right away to get the contract for those erotic novels written up right away. You’re gonna make millions by the time I’m done!”
“That’s… wonderful,” Daring said on the other end of the line. “At least it’s better than being included in smut on a movie screen or magazine… I guess.” Dash didn’t get to hear the last part of Daring’s statement, for she had already hung up.
“Okay, time to get pile of over three-hundred thousand words of Daring Do erotic fan fiction to those publishers,” Dash said, moving a wheelbarrow piled high with papers. “Finally, I am a credible writer!”
