At the End of the Tunnel

The fog was knee-deep, and thick enough to cut with a chainsaw. It sort of reminded me of those mornings at home when the low clouds would sweep over the city, laying down a layer so thick that you could hardly drive. I wasn't exactly sure where I was, all I knew for the time being is that it was very poorly lit, but not poor enough to where I couldn't see. I took a few steps forward, every step taking great effort, like I was walking through not pillowy clouds, but dense snow. After a time, I stopped. It didn't seem like I was getting anywhere, and certainly didn't know where I was going. While I was contemplating my situation, a blast of cold air hit me right in the chest and face, sending shivers all through my body, though the feelings subsided as quickly as they had arrived.

"Well, well, well," a hollow, feminine voice echoed from the ether, "look who's come back." I tried to turn in the direction I thought the voice was coming from, but soon realized that I was stuck in place, not able to even lift my feet.

"Leave me alone," I muttered angrily. The voice just laughed at my demand.

"It's not my fault you've returned," the voice seemed closer now, and I noted that it sounded familiar, "Besides, you know full well that I can't just leave you alone."

"I know this is a dream," I said, trying to remain calm, "or rather, a nightmare. I just have to wake up." Again the voice laughed, this time more maniacally than the last.

"Waking up doesn't banish me, I'll still be in the back, if not the front, of your mind. I wouldn't be here right now if I wasn't."

"Dammit," I muttered under my breath, acknowledging that the voice was correct, "I was so close too." The voice laughed a third time.

"Close? Is that what you call throwing yourself off a bridge? That just proves how powerful I am, and how weak you are. You couldn't get rid of me any way you knew how, so you made a fatal decision. At least it would have been fatal, if you weren't the luckiest man alive. Or, perhaps that should be, the unluckiest man alive."

The fog began to dissipate, giving me a better view of the landscape. I was standing on something solid, though it wasn't the ground. Looking to my left and right revealed that I was standing on a bridge, over some water. In fact, it looked a lot like the last thing I saw before I fell into Equestria. I tried to take a step back from the edge, but found my feet still firmly planted where they were.

I felt another blast of air, this time from behind. I wasn't fazed by this sudden change of temperature as I had been before.

"Why are you doing this," I yelled, now thoroughly pissed off, "Why do you keep doing this!?" I felt a chill run down my spine, and I sensed that something, or someone, was standing right behind me.

"Because," the voice whispered right into my ear, "you want to die."

With those words, a force knocked my from my standing position, and over the edge. I felt myself slowly falling toward the water below. But unlike the last time I had been in this position, it was no longer exhilarating, this time, it was down-right terrifying.

"NO," I screamed over and over," NO! NO! NO!"

****************************************************************

"NO," I shot up in my bed, yelling as I did so. Unfortunately, I must have shifted around in my sleep, because I fell right off the bed and landed hard on the floor. The sound of my body making impact woke Twilight up with a start.

"Who? What," the alicorn cried out, quickly turning on her bedside light. She could see me on the ground, lying face-down, "Guy! Are you alright?"

"Dammit," I yelled, slamming my fist onto the hardwood floor, "dammit!" I stumbled to my feet, breathing heavily. I could feel cold sweat dripping down my back, legs, and forehead. I probably looked like I had seen a ghost.

"What happened," Twilight asked, concern marking her every facial feature.

"Just a nightmare," I replied, trying to calm down, "just...a nightmare." I sat back on the bed and quickly put on my shoes, after which I started to make my way downstairs, not looking back.

"Where are you going," Twilight called after me as she made her way down the steps.

"I just need to go for a walk," I still wasn't breathing properly, and my heart was beating like it was trying to break out of my chest, "I need to relax." Before Twilight could ask me anything else, I ducked out of the library, and started on my way.

I trudged down the road toward Sweet Apple Acres, the sun just now starting to rise. I knew of a little corner on the far-side of the property where I could just sit down, lean against the fence, and maybe take out my anger and frustration on a fence post if I needed to. The Apple family farm was the farthest from Ponyville of any major landmark, but the trip had gotten easier and easier over time. I had to admit, even in the few weeks that I had been in Equestria, I was already in better shape than I had been before. A combination of having to walk almost everywhere and an almost-strictly vegetarian diet had made me leaner and given me more stamina.

Eventually, I reached my destination. I stepped away from the main road and strode up to the painted white fence. Sitting down on the still dew-covered grass, I leaned back against the fence and closed my eyes as I put my face in my hands. I had to try and relax, I had to get the voice out of my head. This had been my third nightmare this week, but this was the most severe. I just sat there, doing my best to empty my mind, or, even better, try to focus on something else, like what Time Turner would have me doing today, or maybe something interesting I could ask Twilight about, anything to get my mind off the nightmare.

I sat there for a great while, though of course I had no idea how long it had actually been. Then, I felt a sort of tap on my left shin, and then another. Figuring it was just a loose blade of grass, I reached down with a hand to brush it away, my eyes still shut in contemplation. A few seconds later, and I felt yet another round of tapping, this time more persistent and strong. Getting irritated, I finally opened my eyes to see what could be disturbing me. I looked down and saw a small white rabbit with big black eyes, looking up at me with a very confused expression as it wiggled its nose back and forth.

"Angel," I finally managed to utter, "what are you doing out here?"

"Angel," I heard another voice cry out, this one in more panic and fear, "where did you go?" The bunny and I both turned to see a yellow pegasus flying up the road from the opposite direction I had come. "Oh there you are, Angel Bunny. You know better than to run off on me like that." Fluttershy finally made it up to where the two of us were sitting and picked the bunny up into her arms. "Oh, good morning Guy," she said in the bright and cheery tone that I had found was her normal voice when she wasn't scared.

"Good morning, Fluttershy," I replied solemnly, bowing my head between my knees.

"I-Is something wrong," the pegasus asked, I still didn't look up.

"No, no," I lied, "you needn't worry about it."

"Are you sure," she said, now landing on the road, releasing Angel from her grasp, which allowed him to come back to where he had been sitting next to me before.

"No, I'm not sure," I said, finally looking up at her, "But I don't think you, or anyone around here for that matter, would understand."

"Um...I could...try, if you want me to, that is."

I stared for a moment into those soft teal eyes, contemplating her offer. I had calmed down significantly since I had woken up, and I had always been told that holding stuff in never did anybody any good.

"OK, Fluttershy," I finally said, smiling slightly, "but only because I have to talk to someone." The timid pegasus flittered closer to where I sat. She sat down on the grass as well, with Angel Bunny moving closer to her. "It's a bit complicated," I continued, going back and forth between looking at her and looking away from her, "you see, I'm not as healthy as I seem."

"You're sick," my companion responded with concern, "oh goodness."

"It's not that kind of sick. I'm not physically sick, I'm mentally sick. Like, a little crazy."

"But everypony is a little crazy," Fluttershy responded, surprisingly confident.

"Few are crazy enough to jump off a bridge. You see, where I came from, there are doctors who deal specifically with these types of illnesses, illnesses of the mind. I went to one on a regular basis, and he gave me medicine which helped it."

"Well that's good."

"Yeah," I nodded, "unfortunately, since I've been here, I obviously haven't taken anything, and so I'm falling back into ill health."

"That's not so good. What kind of medicine was it?"

"I don't know the technical name for it, but in general, it was a mood-stabilizer. Something to keep me from getting too depressed, sort of like I am right now."

"Why are you feeling sad now?"

"I've been having nightmares, terrible, terrible, nightmares. Last night marked the third time this week. I don't know how much longer I can go on if these keep happening." I could feel my eyes welling up a bit as I spoke, a common occurrence when talking about such things, but I really wasn't in the mood for crying right now. Fortunately, Fluttershy couldn't see it.

"And am I to assume that the medicine helped with that too?"

I turned to face Fluttershy again and simply nodded. "I wish I didn't need the medicine, but where I was, I needed it desperately. I've been doing better here, but the inner demons have begun to come out of the woodwork again, just as I feared."

I bowed my head again. The three of us just sat there for awhile, none of us sure what to say, or do, next. When I finally did look back over at my pegasus companion, she seemed deep in thought herself. My mind, on the other hand, was a complete blank for a change.

Then I felt the touch of something on my shoulder. I turned and saw that it was Fluttershy's forehoof. "Is...is there anything I can do to help," she said slowly, somehow I knew that she was forcing herself to be a bit more brave.

"I'm not entirely sure," I mimicked her slow speech, but then smiled, "what you just did was pretty helpful."

"It...it was," she seemed shocked at this revelation.

"Sure. If you hadn't been out here with Angel, I would still be leaning up against this fence moping. You got me to say what was going on in my head, and that is helpful to me. Thank you."

Fluttershy smiled and looked down. I could see just a hint of a blush. "You're welcome," she replied, in a slightly smaller voice. I began to get up off the grass and brush myself off. "Um...where are you going now?"

"Oh," I said, smiling and rubbing the back of my head, "well now that I'm feeling better, I've gotta go back and explain to Twilight why I bolted out the door this morning."

"Oh...OK," the pegasus said with just a hint of sadness, "Come on, Angel Bunny, it's time to go home." She once again picked up the little rabbit and began to fly back down the road, but I stopped her.

"Hey, Fluttershy," I called, she turned around almost instantly, "I'm feeling better now because of you, just so you know. Thanks again." She hit me with a little smile that made a shiver run up my spine.

"You're welcome. See you around, Guy."

I waved as she once again went to make her way home. For some reason, I couldn't help but stand there and watch until she was out of sight.