The Silver Spooner

by Bootsy Slickmane

Rating: everyone
Tags: Diamond Tiara, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Silver Spoon, Comedy, Random
Length: 3384

Ponyville: a pretty little town in the shadow of Canterlot. But it's in the shadows where evil lurks. Beneath Ponyville's happy little facade lies a hotbed of criminal activity. Luckily for the hapless townsponies, however, Ponyville has a hero.

Ponyville: a pretty little town in the shadow of Canterlot. But it's in the shadows where evil lurks. Beneath the crispy crust of Ponyville's happy little facade lies a hotbed of criminal activity and ne'er-do-wells, telling lies, snatching purses, and not filling your milkshake all the way to the top when they know darn well that you paid full price. Luckily for the hapless townsponies, however, Ponyville has a hero. A lone warrior, defending their freedoms. A shining star of liberty and justice. Ponyville has...

The Silver Spooner.

Part of the Silver Spoonerverse

Published 2014-01-15 20:40:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-15 20:40:05 UTC

The Silver Spooner

Silver Spoon was prone on her bedroom floor, her hooves wrapped around a set of eating utensils and a little smile on her face. "Hello, Mr. Rich," she said in a high-pitched voice as she shook one of the spoons in her hooves. "How are you today?"

Silver spoke in a lower tone as she rattled the other spoon. "I'm just fine, Ms. Spoon. Thank you for asking. How is your daughter?"

The filly moved the first utensil again, chirping, "Oh, she's fine. How about yours?"

"She's alright. I only wish she were as pretty and talented as your daughter Silver, though." The spoons slid closer together in her grip. "Say, how would you like to have dinner at my house tonight? We could eat some salad, maybe crack open a bottle of cider—"

A sharp dinging sound rang out through the bedroom, and Silver's little ears perked up. Her eyes briefly swiveled toward the bathroom doorway, then out the window to her left. She just barely caught sight of a short-cropped brown tail before it disappeared over her hedges, and her brow furrowed. It was that time again.

Silver dropped the spoon dolls and flung herself forward, racing over the carpet to her bathroom. She hopped onto the edge of her bathtub, reached up, and unscrewed the stainless head from her shower. Her reward popped out easily, the small red ball rolling into her hooves. The filly replaced the shower head and then dropped back down to the floor.

With a sharp tap to the edge of her sink, the plastic ball she'd retrieved popped open. Her tiny hooves unfurled the tiny scroll it contained, and she silently read the tiny message it bore. After a few seconds of thoughtful humming, she crammed the scroll into her mouth, chewed it up, and swallowed it with a grimace. Couldn't risk such important information falling into the wrong hooves, after all. She galloped back through her room and into the hallway outside. If that message was to be believed, there wasn't much time.

She reached her destination in short order, stopping just in front of the old wooden door and knocking her hoof against it. She leaned forward, calling out, "Mom! I'm going out for a bit!" Silver turned to trot away, but stopped suddenly as a voice called back through the door.

"Where are you going?"

Silver turned slightly toward the door again. "Into the depths of Ponyville, to purge the city of crime."

"Didn't you do that yesterday, dear?"

"Evil never sleeps, Mom."

"Of course. Be back before seven, Silver."

"Got it." Silver took a few steps away from the door, only to pause again. "Hey, can I borrow some of the spoons from the kitchen?"

"I don't know, can you?"

Silver groaned, rolling her eyes. "May I?" Silver could just barely hear her mother sigh through the door.

"Alright, but if you lose any more, I'm taking it out of your allowance."

"If that's the price of justice, 'tis worth every bit," Silver said under her breath, trotting back down the hall and around a corner. She emerged from the kitchen but a few moments later, a tray of silverware gripped in her teeth. After a quick check to make sure nopony was looking, she jumped tail-first into the laundry chute, sliding all the way down to the basement.

Silver Spoon shot forth from the chute with a yelp and an explosion of silverware. That hurt way more than it should have. She was pretty sure that her super chute wasn't supposed to break her butt on exit. She stood up, eyes watering from the pain in her rump, and looked to see what she'd landed on. Or rather, what she hadn't. Her mom must have moved the laundry basket again, because the only thing under the chute was solid stone. She'd have to remember to move the basket back later, or maybe get a spare pillow. Crime fighting was hard enough without getting beaten up by her own secret lair.

Doing her best to ignore the pain, she gathered up a foreleg of spoons and made her way through the room. She slid the cleverly placed box away from one wall and tugged on the pruning shears mounted just above her eye level. The secret door swung open as the latch disengaged, but she gasped at the sight of the bare metal hook inside the tiny closet. Somepony had stolen her costume!

Silver turned around slowly. Her teeth gripped one of the spoons as her narrowed eyes scanned the room for interlopers. Never before had anypony gotten the better of Silver, and they weren't about to start now. Despite the thorough leer she gave the area, however, nothing else looked out of place. Her gaze settled on the empty laundry basket, and then to the steaming cauldron next to it. The filly blinked once, her eyebrows rising slightly and the spoon slipping from her mouth. No, surely not. Her mother knew better than that, right?

Just in case, Silver cantered to the pot, hopped up to hook her hooves over the lip, and looked inside. Yep, there was her costume, bubbling away along with the rest of the week's laundry.

"No!" Silver screamed. "That's dry clean only!"

She reached in with the laundry stirring stick and fished out her white and pale violet costume. What had begun as a simple set of tights meant for dancing was now an outfit suitable for her alter ego's lifestyle, thanks to the modifications Silver had made to it. Unfortunately, those little enhancements made it a bit hard to dry. She couldn't just run it through the wringer with all of the spoons sewn onto it, after all. 'Twas the cost of protection, sadly, but she couldn't count the number of times the "spoon armor" had saved her life. Unless you count zero as a number, which Silver didn't.

She didn't have time to let it hang dry. She could harness the power of the sun to speed up the drying process, but it wouldn't be a very good idea to display her secret costume for all to see outside her house. There just wasn't time to spare. She shook her head, waving the costume-on-a-stick around until it stopped steaming, then she dropped it onto the floor.

She got into the bodysuit hooves first, the hot, stretchy fabric squelching against her as she wiggled down in. Her muzzle scrunched up, and she winced at the feeling of the wet suit sliding around her body and mussing up her coat. Sorta felt like being a cactus, or maybe wearing one. No doubt about it, she'd need a good solid hour of brushing to straighten her fur out once she disrobed again, especially if she managed to dry off before then. No time to complain, though. The day needed her saving expertise, and justice couldn't wait.

The dripping suit squeaked as she moved about and collected the spoons she'd scattered earlier. She headed back to her secret closet and retrieved the giant spoon from its resting place, a little smirk forming on her face.

Silver bounded to the window and pushed it open with a hoof. The warm summer air greeted her, along with the scent of cut grass, and she leapt up to the opening. The midday sun brought to light the dust that had collected on her glasses, and she reached up to wipe them off. Wait, her glasses! How could she have forgotten to put on her disguise? A simple, spoon-covered bodysuit certainly wasn't enough to hide her identity from everypony, and secrecy was the number-one rule of superheroes. Well, aside from actually doing superhero stuff, of course.

She dropped down from the ledge and hopped back to her closet. Her hooves carefully slid her glasses off, along with her pearl necklace. Both found their place in the secret closet before she closed it up again. With a bit of hoofwork, she hastily unbraided her mane and let it fall loose against her neck. There, much better. Her disguise complete, she climbed up and out the basement window.

She tossed her trusty giant spoon down onto the grass and hopped into its big, shiny bowl, her tail resting on the massive handle. At her silent command, the spoon rose into the air and turned in place above the grass. She held out a hoof toward the waiting city beyond her hedges, and the spoon launched forward, rocking the filly back. Ahh, how she'd missed the feel of the wind in her mane and her spoon beneath her hooves. It had been, what, two weeks since she'd last been called to action? Too long.

Of course, that just meant that nothing horrible had happened in Ponyville for two weeks, which was a good thing. Still, it was good to get out every now and again. Maybe she should do some flyovers once a week just to remind anypony that they would have to answer to her should they let their dark side get the better of them. That, and flying was pretty awesome.

Silver squinted down at the city as rooftops raced by below, her drying eyes scanning the streets. The mighty spoon pitched downward as her destination came into sight. Several ponies below pointed and muttered to their friends as she approached, but she paid them no mind. There was work to be done, and that left no room for distractions. Silver swooped down on her spoon, landing gracefully in front of the purple spires of the Ponyville Day Spa.

She hopped off her signature mode of transport and trotted toward the building, eyes darting from one side to the other as she watched for any signs of trouble. The filly stopped just short of the door, glancing back to her spoon for a moment. According to the top-secret note from her informant Featherweight, this honest establishment was under attack by ponies unknown. It didn't sound like too big of a problem, but that was of no comfort. Nothing was ever as simple as it seemed, especially in Ponyville.

Silver eased open the door, spotting the culprits immediately through the crack. Snips and Snails, two of Ponyville's dullest bulbs, were pulling hair care products off shelves and into unmarked saddlebags. Silver scoffed internally at the petty theft, yet the sight brought a question to her mind. Those two were simple henchponies at best, so who was leading them?

"And remember, what will happen if you tell anypony?" said a familiar voice nearby.

"Your father will sue me for slander," said Aloe Blossom with an indistinct accent.

"Or libel, whichever fits better." Diamond Tiara turned away from the reception desk with a crooked smile. Of course it was Diamond. It could never just be some random hoodlum. It had to be some madmare bent on dominating the city, or some broken stallion seeking revenge against a cold world. Or, in this case, Silver's best friend in all of Equestria. It could never be simple.

Diamond's grin turned to a frown, and she shouted, "Hurry it up, you two!"

Snips turned toward the desk, lilac-scented shampoo bottles spilling from his clumsy hooves. "I'm going as fast as—" He stopped suddenly, his gaze zipping to the door as it burst open, the little bell above it jingling merrily. He gasped, dropping his load of bottles to point a hoof at the gray filly across the room. "It's the Silver Spooner! We're in so much trouble!"

"Silver Spoon?" Diamond asked with one eyebrow raised.

"I don't know who that is, but she's probably really cool," Silver said, standing tall in the center of the lobby with her head held high and her eyes locked on Diamond. She only hoped the pose looked as good as it had in the bathroom mirror. "I am the Silver Spooner, Hero of Ponyville."

"Silver Spoon," Diamond stated matter-of-factly. "What're you doing here?"

"I, the Silver Spooner, have come to stop this terrible act of theft and bring the sandbag of justice down upon you! And I'm not Silver Spoon."

Diamond simply stared at Silver. "Is that seriously supposed to be a disguise? C'mon, I know it's you, Silver."

"Are you sure? That doesn't look like Silver to me," Snails said slowly. He paused, rubbing a hoof through his mane and tilting his head to one side. "Doesn't she braid her mane?"

Snips added, "Yeah, and Silver Spoon wears glasses."

"So she took them off," was Diamond's reply, which was accompanied by a wave of her hoof. "It's not like they're glued to her face."

"That doesn't make any sense! She wouldn't be able to see!"

"Enough!" Silver cut in. "It's time for justice! Surrender immediately!"

Snips and Snails both fell to the floor, forehooves covering their heads. Diamond merely blinked and gave a quick shake of her head, along with the words, "Yeah, that's so not gonna happen."

Silver huffed once. Unfortunate, but that was the path Diamond chose. "Have it your way," she remarked flatly. "Prepare to taste my spoony wrath!" Silver curled sideways, her muzzle slipping into one of her many hidden pockets. Her head whipped around, a shining silver streak shooting through the air toward Diamond.

The little pink filly didn't even flinch as the spoon pinged harmlessly off her hoof. Diamond stood in silence for a moment, brow furrowed and her wide eyes locked on the silverware lying on the floor before her. "Did you seriously just throw a spoon at me?"

Silver jumped into the air and sent out another spoon missile, this one hitting home.

"Ow!" Diamond took a moment to rub at her sore nose before yelling, "Stop that!"

Silver wasted no time with her next follow-up, spinning in place and launching another silvery projectile. Direct hit, right to the forehead.

"Alright, that's it!" Diamond leapt forward and tackled Silver, who only had time for a short squeal before becoming part of a two-filly tumbleweed. Hero and villain rolled across the floor and then right out the door, each vying to gain the upper hoof even as they hit the dusty street outside the spa. The ball of flailing hooves came to rest on the road, a victor finally emerging from the fray as Silver's back hit the ground.

"Hah, gotcha!" Diamond smirked, eyes narrowed as she surveyed the filly beneath her. The triumphant smile hastily disappeared, however. "Eww," she said, mouth twisting into a grimace and tongue sticking out. "Why are you all wet?"

Silver wiggled, squirmed, and even writhed, yet she remained trapped, unable to throw herself free of the fiend. Perhaps Silver had underestimated her foe, or perhaps she'd been unable to bring herself to really fight her own best friend. Or perhaps spoons made terrible weapons. "Free me, foul criminal," Silver growled, "or catch the wrath of—" She stopped short as Diamond lightly slapped a hoof across her face. "Ow! Hey, why'd you do that?"

"Silver Spoon, what the hay are you doing?"

"I am fighting for truth, justice, and the Equestrian way," Silver squeakily declared with diminishing vigor.

Diamond glared down at the filly under her, teeth bared. "I'm your best friend, and you threw spoons at me! Not to mention ruining my shopping trip."

"Umm, justice is blind?" Silver asked with a sheepish grin.

Diamond just groaned, getting up and stepping away from Silver. "And what's with the getup? It's, like, the worst disguise ever. It doesn't even cover your face at all! How is that supposed to fool anypony?"

Silver sat up a little. How was Diamond able to see through her disguise so easily? Nopony had ever even come close to realizing it was her. Was she psychic? No hope hiding, now. "Well, it, uh..."

"And I know that you love spoons, but come on; you're totally covered with them. Isn't that a bit much, really?"

She did have an awful lot of spoons, that much was true. Silver slowly shifted into a sitting position, her eyes flitting from Diamond to the ground. "I... I was just..."

"And you call yourself 'The Silver Spooner'? Are you kidding me?! How much more obvious can you get?" A cruel smile spread across Diamond's face, and she punctuated her rant with a chuckle as she began to circle Silver. "I could have come up with a better nickname in my sleep. In fact, I probably have! Does your mom know that you steal all her spoons and go out dressed like a total freak?" Diamond Tiara cackled, stopping her circling and taking in another breath. But as she turned to face Silver, her malicious grin slowly faded away.

Never had the Silver Spooner been defeated. No foe had ever gotten the better of a hero so mighty as she. And yet there she was, sitting on the dirt with tears running down her face, vanquished at last with mere words. Not with sword, shield, or even a crazy deathtrap, but with words. Words from the pony she'd thought was her best friend.

Diamond held a hoof out toward Silver, saying, "Hey, I didn't mean..."

Silver simply hung her head to stare at her own hooves. That had hurt even more than missing the laundry basket. One of her hooves found its way up to her face, shielding her shame from the watching citizens. Even in defeat, she couldn't let her ponies see her crying like this. She soon felt a hoof's soft touch on her shoulder, however, and looked up past her foreleg.

Diamond was looking down at her, all traces of her cruelty gone. "I'm sorry, okay? I got kinda carried away. You know how I get when I start making fun of stupid stuff."

Silver said flatly, "Spoons aren't stupid, and neither is my job."

"I'm sure. Sorry, alright?" Diamond let her hoof fall back to the road and stepped back a little ways. "Seriously, though, does your mom know about this?"

"She's fine with it, yeah," Silver answered with a nod. "She's the only other pony who knows."

"So, what, you're a superhero, now? Like, for real? When did that happen?"

Silver sighed. "It's kind of a long story."

"Well, my shopping trip got cut short, so I guess I have some time. Wanna tell me over ice cream, Silver Spooner?" Diamond gave her old friend a smile and offered her a hoof. "My treat."

"Are you actually gonna pay for it?" Silver asked with a sniffle. A little smile came back to Silver as Diamond nodded, and the filly took hold of Diamond's outstretched hoof as she got back up. She took a moment to wipe her eyes before turning and waving her hoof toward her spoon. The colossal silverware lifted up off the ground and hovered over to her, handle pointed at the sky.

Diamond's brow rose up again as she watched the spoon with widening eyes. "Um, Silver? What is that?"

The Silver Spooner waved a hoof, her smile growing just a tiny bit. "It's cool, it's with me. It's part of the long story. Come on." Silver trotted off down the road. Diamond shrugged, trotting up beside her and the huge spoon.

"So, Silver Spooner," Diamond began, glancing at the giant spoon again, "you just do the whole superhero thing alone?"

Silver gave a quick nod. "Yep. Although, I have been thinking about putting a team together." Spooner looked sideways at Diamond and shot her a smirk. "Or at least getting a sidekick."

Diamond's muzzle scrunched up as she replied, "Sidekick? You mean 'partner', right?"

"Sure, we'll see," Silver said with a chuckle. "You know, I kinda feel like I'm forgetting something, though."

"Hmm." Diamond put a hoof to her chin for a moment before adding, "Yeah, me too."

Snips and Snails stepped out of the spa gingerly, their saddlebags overflowing with bottles of two-in-one shampoo. "Did we win?" Snips asked, looking around at the empty street. "Boss?"

At that exact moment, a carriage from the Ponyville Police Department skidded to a halt in front of the spa and uniformed officers spilled out with clubs and shackles at the ready. "There they are!" one of them shouted, and the police pounced. "Don't let the thieves get away!"

"Aw crap."