Ponies, Please

Last night my mother died. She had not passed away peacefully in her sleep, like I had hoped. Rather, it was through a racking, hideous cough that consumed her every waking breath until she was left a mere shell of a pony. After that, I contemplated ending her life out of mercy, but knew I had neither the guts nor morals to pull it off. At least she was with father.

As for myself, I wasn’t allowed the simple pleasure of a day off to attend her funeral. Not like she had a funeral anyhow. Just a hole in the ground with some dirt covering up her fresh corpse.

So, with dimmer spirits than usual, I returned to my booth, my attention returning to the fresh lineup of immigrants. More so than usual, in fact. Word back from the civil war was still unclear, but the only news that was available wasn’t good. The town of Ponyville had fallen under the resistance, which has now been named ‘The Original Equestria Reformation.’ Their exact motives are unclear, but their sheer power was quickly overtaking Equestria. It was amazing, like out of thin air hundreds upon thousands of ponies began rebelling against their government, with the humans caught in the crosshairs…

Still, I had a job to do. Pressing the microphone button, I shouted, “Next!” Time to get the already horrible day started.

The first entrant was a unicorn wearing what looked to be a military-grade chestplate. From the looks of the blood on his hind leg, he appeared to be injured. Before I could ask for his papers, he slammed his hooves on the desk, a wrinkled passport in his hands. “I need to get in, now. I’ll pay whatever you want, just let me in!” He reached to his side, pulling out a hefty bag of bits. “Take it all, I don’t care, just get me out of there!”

“Sir, I cannot in good conscience take a bribe.”

“W-what? No! You need to let me in, I can’t go back there! You need money, correct? Take it! Take everything! I just need to get away!” He reached his hooves at my throat a second too late, the iron shutters landing on his hooves. Security promptly took him away, kicking and screaming back into Equestria. I almost felt bad for the poor guy.

Almost.

Not like I was going to risk a bullet for some bits. Only a fool and the desperate do that. And while I was desperate, I sure was no fool.

“Next!” I called out, the line moving up.

The next mare handed me her passports, and although they were a bit stained in water, everything seemed to check out. I gave her the green stamp and called for the next entrant.

Once again, the next entrant wasn’t Jorji. Over the past couple of days, I had been waiting for that human’s return. I kept on expecting him to pop up, big grin on his face, calling me his friend, then trying to get into the city through some conceived way, most likely to smuggle drugs. Sure, he was a criminal, but he was the only one I had seen in such a long time to be… I don’t know how to describe it, happy? If you can call an idiot living out his life being happy, that is.

The human man standing in front of me wore a blue sweatshirt with a single star covering his eye. In a seemingly robotic voice, he handed me a card with a simple star drawn on it. Before I could ask for his papers, he whispered a message to me.

“Check the back of the card. The OER knows.”

I slowly turned the card over before calling the next entrant, and carefully read the message.

IN THREE DAYS, EQUESTRIAN AMBASSADOR PLANS TO ENTER CITY.

EARTH PONY STALLION, HAS A BANJO CUTIE MARK.

THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES IF YOU LET HIM THROUGH.

THE OER KNOWS.

What a load of bullshit.

Looking back up, the human was gone, no indication he had been there at all. Looking back to the card, I shrugged, but slipped it in my coat nonetheless. You never know when it might be handy.

“Next!”

Finally, the man of the hour had arrived. Jorji was still wearing his red coat, and the smile was still plastered onto his face. However, something seemed off about him. “Hello, friend.” He spoke with less enthusiasm. “Bad times are coming in Equestria. Future is looking not so good. Might want to leave, go back to Artstotzka.” He smiled at me again, handing over his papers. “You can come too! I get you Artstotzkan papers, you live in our glorious country!”

Huh. The first real act of kindness I’ve seen from somebody when working the job. Kind of weird, honestly. “Thanks for the invitation, Jorji. I’ll…” I thought about it for a second. Was life in Equestria worth living? Things didn’t look too good, and with a civil war waging, it was only a matter of time until gunfire spread into Stalliongrad. “I’ll consider it.”

“Excellent! Friend will have good time in Artstozka, Jorji knows it!” There was that enthusiasm again, along with his passport that he slid through the slot on my desk. Unsurprising, just like every other time, it was a brand new one, never the same twice.

Except this time, something was… strange. I flipped through my record book, double-checked everything concerning the passport, and even filed through everything related to Jorji’s papers. Something wasn’t adding up, and before too long, it became quite clear why.

“Jorji, it says here that these papers belonged to a… a… dead man.” I groaned, wiping a hoof across my face. “Don’t tell me you really though forging papers from the recently dead would get you inside, would it? How many times have you forged a passport at this rate?”

“Jorji does not know, he just gets them for drugs.” Jorji grinned. “You want drugs?”

“No, Jorji,” I pressed down on the alarm, detaining my friend on the other side of the law.

“Oh, okay!” He smiled. “You very professional, do job well!”

“Get an actual passport next time, Jorji,” I remarked, before the guards escorted Jorji away. Sighing deeply, I waited a few seconds after that, willing myself to press the microphone button and continue my day.

“Next!”