Knickerbockers Below The Knee

by Masterweaver

Rating: teen
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Romance, Slice of Life, Main 6, Applejack, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5396

Rainbow Dash and Applejack go on a date. But that's not what this story is about.

Once upon a time, one pony asked another out. The other pony accepted.

This is not their story.

This is the story of how everypony else started freaking out when they really, really shouldn't have.

Cover image by PonyLegacy.

Published 2014-11-26 19:20:08 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-10 17:38:25 UTC

The Date

"Hey AJ. Wanna go out or something?"

An orange pony with three apples imprinted on each flank tilted her head up, looking at the blue pegasus lounging on one of the branches above her. "Ya mean like a date?"

"Yeah, sure. I think that's what they're called." The pegasus shrugged, pulling a bit of hair out of her eyes and back to its place in the spectrum mane she had. "You know, you, me, hanging out, talking, trying to figure out if what we have is more then just a crush."

That got a smile from the orange pony. "Yer presumen' an awful lot, Rainbow," she teased. "How do ya know Ah even have a crush on ya?"

"One, I'm awesome so half of Ponyville is crushing on me. Two, you stare at my flank every time I come in for a landing." The pegasus smirked.

"Eh, got me there." Pulling down her brown stetson to hide her blush, the orange pony considered her response. "...Can't be anythang too frou-frou."

"That was obvious."

"...and ya gotta know tha farm comes first. If Ah can't make it, Ah can't make it."

"Alright, alright. I can live with that."

"Good. Saturday good fer ya?"

"Yeah, sure. Hayburger's okay?"

"Eyup, sounds good. Well, Ah gotta get back ta work."

"Right. I'll just go see how the weather team is handling things."

And that was that. The start of a beautiful relationship, the seed of romance, all trussed up and planted without issue. True, both parties had been ever so slightly nervous, and a touch embarrassed, but that could be said of a lot of starts.

The date itself was something a bit more complicated. After ordering their meal, the two of them had talked about what they really wanted in a potential spouse. There were jokes about being sexy and following every command, of course, but after they passed the basic teenage qualities and really started talking, a few things became apparent; whoever was marrying AJ would have to know her direct family at least and probably a bit of the extended family too, and whoever was marrying Rainbow would have to be able to criticize her without hurting her ego. That had led to some apologies about an incident involving a shared secret identity, further conversations of each other's family tree, and eventually somehow a philosophical discussion on how the nature of immortality would affect one's tastes in vegetables.

Eventually, though, the date concluded. And the two of them agreed that it had gone very well, and they should set up plans for a second date.

Those words hit the ears of a passing waitress, who later told a friend, who later went to the spa and mentioned it to the ponies working there, who later mentioned it to two of their customers under the false assumption that they had already known.

And that, as they say, is where the story truly begins.

Chapter 1: Initial Reactions

"I'm sorry... what?"

Lotus tittered warmly, continuing to file Rarity's horn. "In all honesty, if you'll pardon the pun, I cannot say I am surprised. Those two are just adorable together!"

Rarity stared at her blankly for a few moments. "Applejack... and Rainbow Dash. Together."

On the bed beside her, Fluttershy formed a rather deep frown. "...I don't think I can believe it."

Rarity turned to her friend with a grateful smile, although it faded a bit at the unusual intensity her face sported. "So it isn't just me then?"

Fluttershy nodded slowly. "After all that teasing about her mane that Rainbow got in flight school, all the slurs and the... no. I don't see why Applejack would hurt her like that."

Rarity blinked.

She blinked again.

"...What... does her mane have to do with anything?"

Fluttershy rolled her eyes. "It's a rainbow. And of course we all know what that means."

Aloe, unused to hearing such a sarcastic tone from the pegasus, backed away from the hooves she was filing warily, shooting her sister a questioning look. Lotus shrugged, just as surprised at Fluttershy's vehement tone.

"...I don't, actually," Rarity offered simply. "What does a rainbow have to do with this situation?"

Fluttershy's gaze snapped to Rarity, her eyes widening fully in a subconscious attempt to find the smallest isle of teasing in the sea of confusion. As the seconds passed, the stormy sea only grew worse, strikes of fear lancing here and there.

The unicorn leaned away ever so slightly. "What?"

"...you really don't know, do you."

"No, darling."

Lotus gasped, her horn file dropping to the floor. Rarity rolled her eyes. "Oh please, is it really surprising that I cannot see the connection between the impossible situation of Applejack and Rainbow Dash dating and... rainbows?" She pondered her words for a moment. "I could have constructed that sentence far better..."

"The rainbow is one of the appropriated symbols of the Ponies for Orientation Irrelevant Nuptial Traditions," Fluttershy explained slowly.

"Oh. Who are they?"

Aloe's file joined her sisters, pink hooves covering her muzzle in shock.

"A group of uneducated morons who cause riots in order to promote orientation rights equality despite the fact that same gender marriage has been legal since the founding of Equestria," said Fluttershy, She Of The Kind Heart And Weak Will.

"Ah, I... am afraid I have never heard of them before. Have they been around very long?" asked Rarity, She Who Knew The Flow Of Fashion And Understood Ponies.

"Darling... they've been around since before my grandmother was born," explained Lotus, She Who Was Currently Shocked At Her Customer's Ignorance.

"They have? Oh." Rairty bit her lip.

Then, slowly, she let out a breath. "And... same gender marriage is legal?"

"Yes. Well, technically, it's all the herding laws, but it's not that common to take more then one mate anymore and..." Fluttershy stomped her hoof. "It just... Whenever those idiots threw up another pointless riot, Rainbow would get teased even more and I can't believe that Applejack would hurt her like that! What was she thinking when she asked her out?" Fluttershy ruffled her wings, glaring at nothing in particular. "I am going to have a very long talk with her."

Rarity nodded absently, staring into the middle distance. The stormy sea of confusion on her face had transformed into a hurricane, even now slipping inland and tearing apart the ancient and well crafted cities that paid homage to her views on the nature of ponies and reality. She didn't react at all when Lotus started cautiously filing her hooves once more. "Herding laws...?"

Fluttershy sighed. "Rainbow... she's had this tendency, ever since a foal, to act tough and pretend that nothing phases her. And she really does care for her friends... She's probably just going along with this to protect AJ's feelings." A yellow hoof brushed a pink mane out of moss-green eyes. "We'll need to do something about this. I mean... we've got to be careful, of course, don't want to tread on anypony's hooves..."

"I... I think I need to talk to Twilight," Rarity finally managed.

"Good idea!" Fluttershy nodded. "Getting our friends in on this could help out a lot. I think I'll talk to Pinkie, I can... sort of communicate with her on her good days."

"Yes, you do that..." Rarity nodded, her gaze distant. "I've just got to get a little bit of... research... so I'll head over to..." She paused, uncertainly. "Um, what are we calling Twilight's palace, anyway?"

Fluttershy shrugged helplessly. "I think it's still being decided?"

"Right. Well, anyway, I'll head over there and... talk. Yes." Rarity gently pushed Lotus away. "I'm terribly sorry, dears, I think I should... have to end this session early. Yes." She stood up, shaking her head. "I need... to talk to Twilight, I think. Excuse me..." Her eyes still unfocused, she meandered out of the spa.

Fluttershy glanced at her, a minor rainstorm of confusion appearing on her own face for a moment. She quickly shrugged it off, though, and turned to the spa twins. "I, um, hope you don't mind, but.... well, I think maybe I should also leave. I mean, if that's alright with you?"

"It's perfectly understandable dear," Lotus replied, staring after the unicorn herself. "I know Rarity usually pays for these outings herself..."

"Oh, um, yes." Fluttershy stepped off the small table and blushed a bit. "I'll... see if I can't remind her to pay you sometime soon." She skittered out of the room awkwardly.

The two sisters, left alone, stared at the door for a full four minutes.

Lotus eventually turned to Aloe. "What have we just started?"

Aloe turned to Lotus.... and shrugged helplessly.

Chapter 2: Sunken Ships

"CAAAAAAKE. So much cake. So much wow." Pinkie swirled the mix in the bowl, the whisk in her hooves twirling. "I cannot believe how many ponies are going to need cake this week. It's like international cake week in this kitchen. Yeah, I love making cake, you know? It's just so cakey!"

The spoon she was talking to remained silent.

"Cakey cakey cake. I just... It's cake. Caaaaaaaake." Pinkie sighed. "I miss the Cakes. I miss them all, big and small. I'm happy they finally got to go on that vacation as a family, but.... it's been two months now. I think I need something to distract me, you know what I mean spoony? Otherwise my mind is just going to go what and whoop-dee-da and then I'll be wandering around the forests of thought without any direction and you know how the last time that happened I ended up in... wow, I don't want to think about it!" Her eyes rolled up to glare at her forehead. "Brain, why can't you stop thinking once in a while? I'm crazy enough already!"

Pinkie, I was designed to think.

"You were designed to maintain my vital biological processes!"

Okay, yeah, but part of that requires thinking. Look, if you were starving or something I wouldn't think, but you're perfectly fine and I'm boooooooooooored!

"Oh no. Don't you dare. Don't you dare!"

....I wonder what ultraviolet light looks like.

"DARNIT BRAIN!" But it was too late. Already Pinkie Pie was speculating on the colors beyond violet would appear like, how flowers would taste if she were a bee, and if it was possible to naturally induce her visual processes into expanding. She already knew that some ponies had color detecting organs on portions of their retina where light would not normally hit, and it wasn't outside the realm of probability that they could contain ultraviolet receptors...

"Um... Pinkie?"

Pinkie Pie spun on the spot, her eyes going wide as she saw one of her friends walking through the side door. "FLUTTERSHY! Just the pony I needed to see!" She punced on the poor mare, her expression dead serious. "I need to know something very important: Do. You. Have. Bee. Glasses?"

"....I... I have a Bee suit, if that's what you're asking--"

"Darnit." Pinkie released the pegasus. "This is going to bug me for hours--oh, hey, bug me. I didn't even realize! Heee hee. So why are you here anyway?"

"I need to tell you something. Something... important." Fluttershy bit her lip. "It's not going to be very pleasant."

"...oh my gosh." Pinkie stared at her, her lips quivering. "Is... is she going to be okay?"

"Who?"

"Whoever's in the hospital!"

"What?"

"I mean, that's what you came to talk to me about, right?" Pinkie gasped. "Unless it's more than one pony. Did something happen to the whole apple family?! Was Canterlot attacked by a giant cockatrice?! Fluttershy, I have to know what's going on!"

"Applejack asked Rainbow Dash out on a date!"

There was a moment where one could hear a pin drop.

"...Oh." Pinkie took a breath. "Okay, whew. I was thinking something a lot worse was going on. I mean, don't get me wrong, AJ must'a been heartbroken when Rainbow Dash said no, but--"

"Actually, they did go out," Fluttershy clarified. "On a date."

"Wait. WHAT?!"

The pegasus nodded. "This is a problem, Pinkie. A big problem."

"I'll say! Poor Soarin's going to be so torn up when he finds out!" The earth pony pulled a book out of nowhere, scribbling charts into it with fervent energy. "He won't be able to focus on his Wonderbolt duties and he'll go into a depressive spiral that leads to the Wonderbolts being ousted as utterly useless and then the whole group will fall apart and Dashie will never get to live her dream and pegasi everywhere will suffer from a lack of motivation!"

"Um... what?"

"And that's not going into how poor Caramel's going to feel when he finds out his crush is ignoring him for another pegasus!" Pinkie gasped as she turned the page. "The fallout from this dalliance could be catastrophic and have long reaching implications for the societal construction of Equestria as we know it!" She snapped the book shut. "Fluttershy, thank you for bringing this to my attention. Rest assured, the situation is going to be handled by professionals who know what they are doing. You may have just saved the world as we know it."

"You're... welcome?" Fluttershy started backing cautiously out of the kitchen. "Actually, I think I should be going."

"You're right. If we fail, somepony has to prepare to survive the apocalypse." Pinkie waved her out the door. "Go build your bunker, my friend! Save as many animals as you can! Never before have we faced such a threat, and even a veteran like me can't predict what will happen. I can only hope you won't need such drastic actions, but it is better to be safe!"

The door slammed shut in Fluttershy's baffled face. Pinkie nodded grimly, turned to the oven, and slid a panel up to reveal a hidden phone.

She blew the dust off, took a steadying breath, and held the pink receiver to her ear. "This is agent Flooflemane. We have a code Discord situation."

Chapter 3: Fate Spike

"Oh hey Rarity!" Spike chirped brightly as he opened the door. "How are you doing? You seem..."

He paused, examining the blank expression on his favorite unicorn.

"...actually pretty out of it, for some reason. Did something happen?"

"Maybe..." Rarity replied vaguely. "Is Twilight available?"

"Um... yeah, she's in the second library chamber."

"Thank you, Spike." Rarity smiled at him... then tilted her head. "Ah... Spike?"

"Yes?"

"...how old did you say you were?"

"Huh." Spike tapped his fingers. "Well, Twilight was six when she hatched me, and she's twenty-twoish now, so... sixteen, I guess?" He shrugged. "Dunno how long I was in that egg, though."

"Egg. Right." Rarity's smile widened just a bit, though it didn't seem to grow any happier. "I'll... I'll just go talk to Twilight, then, shall I?"

"I guess? What did you come here to talk about?"

"Oh, just--just a bit of legal confusion, is all!" Rarity chuckled nervously. "I figured she might be able to explain some particularly, ahem, obscure bits of the law to me."

"Actually, I'm well educated on the legal system myself." Spike stepped aside, walking toward one of the doors and gesturing for her to follow. "I'm pretty sure I can clear up whatever it is that has you confused."

Rarity walked after him, chuckling nervously. "You've studied equestrian law?"

"Well, not officially," Spike admitted. "But when Princess Celestia is your unofficial grandmother, you tend to pick these things up. And since Twilight's ascension, she's made it her personal duty to fill up a room with references." He opened the door with a shrug. "She's actually rather frustrated that most legal schools only have ten books on their official syllabus. 'Barely even fills a shelf!' Still, she managed to get a solid bookcase full."

"Really?"

"Yep. Took her three months, four out-of country orders, a top-secret raid, seven pinkie-promises, and a quarter of her life's savings. But here it is!" Spike gestured grandly to the shelf in front of him. "All fifty books on all sorts of laws from all sorts of places, organized and labeled by type and region."

Rarity grinned. "This is perfect! I can just read up on... some things, and I don't have to bother anyone!" She reached a hoof out to the shelf... then she paused, giving Spike an awkward smile. "Ah... how do these labels work?"

"Oh. The blue ones are military law, the pink ones are domestic. Town-ship laws are... violet, I think. National laws are white--"

"I'm, ah... actually looking for laws relating to... well, what qualifies as marriage."

Spike blinked. "Wait... really?"

"Yes, it's a funny story actually. Fluttershy and I were in the spa, and Lotus mentioned that Applejack had asked Rainbow Dash out on a date, and, well, we became rather curious as to whether their relationship could go anywhere, seeing as..." Rarity rolled her hoof with a vague smile.

Spike's spines drooped. "...oh."

"Not that I'm saying it's wrong or anything," the unicorn continued obliviously. "I just... the idea is just so new to me! I always thought it was princes and princesses all the way down, and I've always acted accordingly, and now there's...." She tittered, her eyes darting about. "I just want to know what the legal position is, you understand. What society expects, as it were."

It's well known that fate can be easily tempted. Ask what could go wrong, she'll eagerly show you. Wonder how things could get any worse, and she'll giggle as she sets up an avalanche. Proclaim a plan to be foolproof, and she'll ramp up the ingenuity of fools just for giggles. Bring up the time she dated Discord, and she'll sigh and start rambling on about how shallow he was and how he never put any real thought into his chaos beyond what was needed and anyway it was just a week-long fling and how could she have known how he'd react to being dumped, Celestia, it's not fate's fault he decided to torment ponies!

What's less well known, though, is how fate isn't always tempted by the obvious. She's a crafty one, that fate. Sometimes, a pony will trip in front of another for no seeming reason, and two years later they'll be expecting a foal. Sometimes, a little accident here will lead to a budget cut there and before you know it, you've been reassigned to a foreign town. Sometimes she'll sneak into destiny's apartment while he's high on whatever drug of the week, rewrite a few prophecies, then run away cackling when he starts yelling about violating artistic visions.

And here, fate snuck into a frozen second, leaned down to Spike's ear, and whispered 'hey, maybe she could love you. if it weren't for those preconceptions of hers, she'd be a lot more open, ya'know?'

As an afterthought, she flicked the part of his brain that controlled his dragon greed. Morals were nice and all, but a little temptation here and there could only provide motivation.

Spike blinked for a moment, shaking his head, and reached out a claw to a very specific book. "Actually, it's all spelled out right here. Hold on, chapter three, regarding family structures--ah! 'So long as all partners share property and responsibility equally and willingly, thou shalt consider any officially wed group to be part of a herd, be it two of opposite gender, four of the same, or even three of different race.' So yeah, anyone can marry anyone if they agree to it."

Rarity blinked. "Really?"

Spike nodded, turning the book around. "It's all right here, in black and... well, not white, more of a yellowish color, but yeah."

"...two of opposite, four of the same, three of different race..."

"That's what it says, yep." Spike shrugged. "I mean, I think they're just making examples, but the meaning is pretty clear."

"...W-Well then. Thank you for, well, clearing this up, Spike." Rarity coughed. "If, you don't mind, I, I have... dresses. Have to make them. Living, money, you know?"

"Nah, I get it. I'll tell Twilight you dropped by."

"Good! That's---that's very kind of you Spikiieeeee, uh, S-Spike. I'm going to, yes." Rarity's smile was stretched wide and thin as she galloped out of the castle.

The dragon smiled to himself. "And the seed is planted..."

Then he frowned, holding up his claws. "Easy there, Spike. She's still a pony with feelings. Don't go too fast."

'oh weave dammit!' Fate cried. 'i cooked up this popcorn for nothing?! you are the lamest dragon ever spike.' She sighed, jumping into the wind. 'maybe i should go watch blueblood again, he's always good for a laugh...'

Chapter 4: Political Precedent

Now, there are some things that must be said about Spike before we continue.

Spike, as has been previously noted, was a dragon. A dragon of Equestria, to be precise. And as a dragon of Equestria, Spike possessed some unique traits. The ability to eat gemstones, a magical mutability influenced by his emotional state, flame-based magical capabilities.... All traits that had served him well at various points in his life. However, his most useful ability was, quite simply put, being more level headed then the ponies around him. Ponies, as mammalian creatures, had a relatively high thoughts per second ratio, where dragons tended to have a more relaxed and reptilian thought process. Granted, for most dragons that merely led them to keep their worries in the present and gather hoards for their own reasons.

However, Spike had endured one of the best educations possible in the nation he lived in, albeit indirectly and generally as an assistant to the primary student (herself neurotically obsessed with complete control over her skills and expertise ever since a long forgotten traumatic incident involving a cheese-based foodstuff in her infancy). Where most dragons were simply intellectually lazy, Spike was not only still young enough to scheme and plot but also educated enough to know--for the most part--what would and would not work. His emotional attachment to ponies was generally his primary motivator, another unique attribute among his kin, which meant that he would in general work to better their lives (especially that of aforementioned primary student who, it should be noted, hatched his egg).

"Hey Twilight," Spike casually greeted as he walked into the den. "Rarity just dropped by to look up some legal things."

"Oh?"

"Yeah." He chuckled for a moment. "Apparently she didn't know if Rainbow and Applejack could legally date."

"Huh."

With all that said, Spike was still a child and, to be entirely honest, sometimes overestimated exactly what info ponies could handle.

"Wait." The purple pony with the rare combination of wings and a horn pulled her gaze away from the reports she was reading, carfully setting them down so they would remain as organized as they were in her magical grasp. "Rainbow and Applejack are dating?"

"That is indeed what appears to be happening," Spike replied, obliviously walking across the room to find himself some reading material. "Well, that's what Rarity said anyway. And we both know how socially aware she is--although I'm a bit surprised she didn't realize that it was actually legal to date one's own gender--"

"Oh my gosh. This is--this could be bad." Twilight put her reports down, pushing herself into a standing position. "This could be very, very bad."

The young dragon had long ago learned not only how to detect panic in his employer/parent/sibling's voice, but also exactly what kind of panic and how much of it was present. This, for example, was the beginning of long-term panic over the potential personal results, which was odd since that usually only happened due to Twilight's own actions regarding herself.

"Okay... Twilight, you're doing that thing again. What's the problem?"

"The problem?! The problem is that Applejack and Rainbow Dash both have thrones in this castle!" Twilight started pacing. "If they engage in a public romantic endeavor, word will reach the local journalists and paparazzi. When they publish articles about the relationship--and they will, it's their job as well as being juicy gossip--some of those articles will make their way into the hooves of ponies that the nobles of Canterlot have sent here to quote unquote 'observe' the new princess--don't even bother trying to deny it, they exist because it's politically expedient and Celestia warned me it would happen anyway. This in turn will result in both an increased media presence from out of town journalists as well as societal commentary along the lines of all of us with thrones being set up for one another in marriage--perhaps even as one big herd! Don't you see Spike?! If Applejack and Rainbow date, everypony will expect me to date one of my friends!"

She paused. "Which, in and of itself wouldn't be that bad, I'll admit, they're not bad ponies, but I don't have any romantic feelings for them and besides I might need to marry a foreign dignitary for diplomatic reasons later."

Spike nodded slowly. "...so, just to be clear, your only objection is political."

"Well, political and personal, but yes. If there was a way for them to date without attracting attention--"

The many different bundles of information in the alicorn's head danced and twirled about, weaving and unweaving through the problem with an unnerving efficiency brought about by the many times Twilight had been forced to think quickly on her hooves. Actions were assessed and dismissed with the speed of a humming-bird's wings, right up until she found something that would qualify as an acceptable solution. To be completely fair, it might perhaps have been an acceptable solution if she was the only one acting on it.

Twilight's eyes widened, and she bolted straight up. "That's it! I know exactly what I need to do!" She galloped out the door without any further explanation, leaving behind a very worried dragon.

Spike held up a claw, considered his position, and finally gave a little shrug. "I should probably just be ready to help clean up the fallout, I don't think I'm going to be able to stop this train wreck." He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Hmmm. Should I send a letter to Celestia now, or should I wait...? I'm going to wait. Right now her presence might just make Twilight panic worse."

Chapter 5: Discord's Plot

Meanwhile in Canterlot, nothing much was happening.

Well, okay, there was the usual political shenaniganery, shopkeepers keeping shop, about twenty-seven ponies in the middle of intimate physical activity, three couples having break-ups of varying emotional intensity, two murders, one near murder, forty-four tourists wandering through the streets, and one colt did just discover something in the attic of his house that would change his way of thinking forever and lead to a societal revolution in the coming years, but that wasn't important at all.

The reason it wasn't important was simple: Discord didn't know about any of it.

Which was why he was lying on his thinking tree, bored out of his skull. Where he'd gotten a dragon's skull was probably a question best not answered, but at the very least he'd stopped making that awful noise a few seconds ago and was now just drooping out of the new hole.

'well well well, if it isn't mister chaos and disharmony.' Fate floated down and rested on the dragon's horn, stretching her legs. 'going for literal metaphor again?'

"Oh, you know me, I love to make ponies eat their words." Discord snapped his claws; a passing pegasus decided his newspaper would make an excellent mid-afternoon snack. "So many of their metaphors are contextual and nonsensical, it's one of the things I have always liked about them."

'kind of childish though. i mean it's another one of your obvious gags, discord, anybody can see it coming.'

"Well, I suppose I've always been a child at heart." Discord opened his chest, pulling out a foal. "Hey, Button, what's up?"

"Oh, I'm just about to fight the dungeon boss." The foal paused his hoofheld game and glanced around. "Also, apparently I'm in Canterlot now. Oh, and literally speaking right now there are clouds, a sun, and a pegasus halfway through eating a newspaper."

"Clever kid, you are."

"Yeah, mom would freak out if I just disappeared. Mind sending me back home?"

"Of course, of course." Discord snapped his fingers, and the foal was once again in Ponyville.

Fate snorted as he scooped up the beanie and put it on his own head. 'heh, i've always been a fan of exact words. he's going to be right ticked when he realizes you still have his electromathingy.'

"Do you know, he actually invented and patented this device?" Discord waved the handheld gaming device around. "Quite a genius, when he applies himself." He considered the object in his hands... then snapped his fingers with a sigh.

'...you sent it back to him?' Fate leaned closer. 'you?! wow, i guess you have changed.'

"Destruction can cause chaos in the short term." Discord stretched his arms wide. "But over the long term, I've found that creation will introduce so many things... admittedly, it requires a tad more patience then I had in the old days."

'hence the dragon skull.'

"Hence the dragon skull."

Fate tapped her cheek for a moment. '...weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell... i really shouldn't tell you this...'

Discord's ear pricked up.

'see, blueblood--he's a local prince, and a bit of a schnozz.' Fate streched her arms out. 'thing is, since he's a prince, he can almost always get the attention of the mares, you know? so tonight, he has a date.'

"Really?"

'yep.' She shot him a sly smirk. 'and another date. and another, and another, and another...'

Discord matched Fate's growing grin. "Oh dear, that sounds.... troublesome."

'yep. thing is, i can't decide if i should have him running between all five dates, or arrange for the five mares to meet each other. i mean, it's all at the same time, in the same establishment, but--'

"You know, it's possible he'll just fake illness to avoid this scenario," Discord pointed out. "If he's got a lick of sense, that is."

Fate deflated. 'well... crud, i was looking forward to this.'

"But if, say, a handsome and devilishly charming spirit of chaos were to come to him," Discord continued, "and offer to, oh I don't know, multiply the bodies he had at the moment, he could juggle all five dates with ease."

'....reeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaally.'

"Oh yes. Of course, there would be some side effects," Discord pointed out. "Since his mind was split among five bodies, each one would have a different aspect of his psyche. But you know, he doesn't need to know that."

'no, you're right. he doesn't. after all, he never asked.'

"Absolutely right, my dear!" Discord stood on the nose of his dragon skull. "Shall we implement this cunning plan?"

'weeeeeeell,' Fate mused, 'it's a serious violation of my duties and powers with the potential of emotionally scarring all involved all for the sake of my own twisted amusment... why the hell not?!'

"Tartarus, dear. It's Tartarus here."

'semantics.' Fate levitated into the air. 'oh, speaking of which, didn't you deal with that guy from tartarus recently, the red one?'

Discord winced as he flew after her. "Yeeeeeeees, but I'd really rather not talk about him. He was... well, he was definitively worse than I was, if you must know, and yes I am counting the old days."

'still, that pony princess got a magic castle out of the bargain.' Fate grinned. 'i'm surprised you're still allowed out after all that.'

"There were calls for my head," Discord admitted, "but Celestia managed to get most of them to stop."

'really? how?'

"Well, she asked for a reasonable punishment that could actually be implemented." He shrugged. "After some incredible negotiation, she pointed out that I had been in stone since before Tartarus, so now I only have to spend my weekends doing community service."

Fate rolled her eyes. 'such a rules lawyer.'

"Hmm, well she's at least a nice one."

'i guess...'

"So, aside from Blueblood, what's new with you?"

'oh, not much, not much. just came from ponyville, actually. that rainbow pegasus and the farm mare are dating now.'

"....Huh." Discord considered that for a moment. "Well.... good for them, I guess."