This is Love?

“Hey Candy, could you grab me that shampoo to your right?”

With a sleepy nod, I lazily reached over and grabbed my strawberry scented shampoo. “There you go, honey,” I murmured, passing it to him. I sighed when I felt Ares run his fingers through my mane, his nails gently digging into my scalp.

After dealing with all of that nonsense with my aunts and Twilight and her friends and the guards and Ares just being… Ares I had decided that I needed a bit of a break.

No, I decided that me and my little human needed a break.

So, like any mare that had had a rough day, I decided to hop into my bathtub, turn on some music, light some nice scented candles, and just soak in hot water until I was a pony prune. But unlike a lot of mares that soaked in a tub to drain away all of their stress, I had something in my stress relief arsenal that made my soak just that much better. He was a masseuse, he was a chair, and he was a shampoo-ist all in one: Ares.

I let out a happy groan when I felt Ares spurting the cold shampoo into my mane. “Ares, did I ever tell you just how much I love you?” I asked wiggling against my naked coltfriend as those fingers of his started to work their magic, easing the day’s stress away with little effort.

Ares chuckled, giving my neck a kiss as my whole body twitched slightly under his ministrations. I groaned again when he gave one of my ears a scratch, my rump wiggling in my human’s lap. Sweet gods above were those fingers of his magical...

“I hear it every time you make that one sound I like, Candy,” Ares teased with another kiss.

I cracked open an eye to stare at him in confusion. “Sound? What sou—Ahhhhh~!”

My human let out another chuckle after he gave my neck a little bite. “Yeah, that one; I can hear the “I love you to bits Ares, you paragon among men you,” right when you make that noise.”

I snorted. “I don’t know what you’re hearing but I most certainly did—OHHHH~!” My body twitched again when my little human’s hands left my scalp and started traveling south. At the same time I could feel something growing against my thigh, telling me that I wasn’t the only one enjoying our little bath time.

Biting my lip I started to grind my rump into Ares’ lap, my wings slowly risin—

SLAM!

“Is everything alright in here?” Ares and I jumped as two Solar Guards threw open my bathroom door and poked their heads inside. “We thought we heard—“

Ares, with one of his hands in a… sensitive place, grabbed one of my shampoo bottles from the rack and tossed it at the two as hard as he could. The guards, with a yelp, managed to dodge the speeding bottle, poking their heads back into the bathroom with looks of confusion and shock.

“Yeah we’re fucking alright!” Ares snapped as I did my best to force my wings back down, the mother of all blushes on my face. “Just like we were alright the last five times you fucking weirdos threw open that fucking door!”

The guards shied away from my human’s outburst. “Sir, we were only—“

“Do you guys just want to pull up some fucking chairs and watch me touch my girlfriend? Will that get you two little horses off so we can fucking bathe in peace?”

Both of the guards flinched, blushes coming to their faces as their eyes bugged out of their heads.

“S-Sir, we can assure we aren’t—“

“Or maybe you just want to watch me pick up my girlfriend right here and fuck her right on the edge of this tub; oh I bet that that’s what you want me to do you couple of exhibitionist!”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes as the now red-faced guards squirmed in embarrassment.

Though he was trying to mask it I could hear the amusement in my human’s voice as he continued to shout and yell and fuss. I would have told him to stop it, to quit teasing the guards that were only trying to do their jobs, but like Ares I was getting a little annoyed that these two kept throwing open the door while the two of us were just trying to have a little fun in the bathtub. So I let my human “bust their balls” and let that hand of his continue… playing as I leaned back against his chest and closed my eyes with a snort.

One of the guardsponies bit his lip, his ears pinned back to the sides of his head. “O-Our apologies, Sir, there obviously isn’t anything—“

“What the hell! Why don’t the two of you just hop right in here with us so we can make this a real fucking party! I can show you guys how to helicopter your dicks around ! No, no! Wait! Why don’t I go ahead and shove my thumb up your a—“

SLAM!

“You’re awful,” I said after the door slammed shut.

Ares chuckled. “I’m awful? I’m not the one bothering two people that had a pretty rough day by “guarding” them while they take a bath!” My sigh turned into a whine as Ares’s hand slipped back above the water and rested itself on my stomach. “Here I have you all wet and ready and I can’t even get you in the mood because of those chucklefucks!”

“You know that Celestia’s just being cautious,” I said, spinning around in his lap so that I could face him. “She just wants to make sure that nothing happens to either of us while she’s not around.”

I gave my human a nuzzle, pointedly ignoring the thing rubbing up against my thigh as Ares rolled his eyes. “What, does she really think that you’d go cuckoo and try to drown me?” He snorted again. “Candy, even if you turned into some evil god horse right here in this fucking tub I doubt that you’d try to do anything like that.”

A small smile worked its way onto my face. Though I kind of didn’t appreciate him joking around about the me turning evil as casually as he just did it was still really, really nice to know that my human would still trust me not to hurt him even if something like that happened a—

“I mean all I’d have to do is rub some of this warming lotion stuff on you and rub your back and you’d forget all about trying to hurt me! Hell, I bet I could still make you scream my nam—“

SMACK!

“—OW!”

Shaking my head I nuzzled Ares’s neck. “Just be quiet you big dummy and let me hug you.” I wrapped my hooves around him, holding him as close as I could as he rubbed the side of his head. “Before I do turn into an evil monster again and try to drown you and that mouth of yours in the tub.”

I felt Ares’ arms slip under my rear legs as he pulled me against his chest, kissing my cheek. “I’m sure you’re alright, Candy,” he said, giving my back a little rub. “You were just having a really bad fucking day and lost your temper is all. Hell, I bet if I had magic I’d have turned into some dark sorcerer after everything that happened yesterday.”

Another pleased little hum escaped my throat as my human’s fingers dug into my back, massaging the flight muscles. “I bet you a month’s pay that after a few weeks you’ll get checked out, the other two princesses will go back home with Purple, and everything will go back to normal.”

“…No more magical roses? No more nobles trying to take you away from me?”

Ares kissed my neck. “I promise you the next time that we want to get frisky with each other it won’t be because of some magic flower.” Ares gave my neck another kiss and this time I couldn’t help but lean into it. “And I’m sure after the ass-whooping they got those nobles will be acting a hell of a lot nicer around you and that big beautiful rump of yours, so no one’s going to make my ass a liar.”

With a weak giggle I grinded my rump against Ares’s lap once again, smiling when I heard a whine escape his throat. “You know, if those guards weren’t out there right now I would have gotten frisky with you all over this bathroom,” I purred, kissing Ares’s neck, “AND in our bedroom.”

Ares’s fingers dug just a bit harder into my back as he groaned again, biting his lip to keep the noise down so those guards didn’t come kicking down our door again. “And I’d want nothing more than for you to have your way with me, Candy.” Breaking our hug Ares cupped my face and gave me a kiss on the nose, a mournful expression on his face. “But could you please not say all of the nasty stuff you want to do with me while the kids are fucking listening to us from outside the fucking door!”

There were a pair of yelps as Ares threw another shampoo bottle at the door, causing a loud bang. I couldn’t help but groan in frustration as I felt Ares’ little Ares twitch against me. “Maybe I should ask my aunt for a different pair of guards?”

Glaring at the door for a moment longer, Ares once again turned toward me with a warm smile, kissing me on the nose before giving me a quick peck on the lips. “That’s probably be a good idea… well, unless you’re into the whole “people watching us while we get it on thing”. I’m kinda on the fence about stuff like that but if you really want to—“

Laughing quietly, I wrapped my hooves around my human’s head and pulled him into a kiss. My nostrils flared as I took in his scent, my tongue teasing his lips before withdrawing back into my mouth. “Be quiet before I hit you again, smart-mouth.”

My Ares tried to lean back in for another kiss but I simply scooted off him and submerged myself into the water to get all of the soap and shampoo off my coat and mane. Deciding to have a little fun I let my backside “accidently” grind against a certain part of my human’s anatomy until I felt him twitch, then I moved away from him. Poking my head out of the water I turned back toward Ares, who was looking at me with the perfect mixture of outrage and irritation.

“Now come on,” I said, hopping out of the tub. “Let’s get dried off so we can go and get something to eat.”

My human just looked at me while I levitated over a couple of towels for the two of us. He didn’t move from the tub, he didn’t blink, all he did was look at me as I started to dry myself off while humming a little tune

“… Cadence?”

Trying not to laugh at his tone, I made sure to turn with my rump pointed at Ares as I very sensually dried it off. “Yes my dear little human?” I asked innocently, batting my eyelashes.

“That was bullshit you pink jerk.”

“I love you too, Hon. Now come on out of that tub; we’re going to be late for dinner.”

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

Private Flash Sentry, as he stood out in the hallway near that door that was supposed to be Twilight’s room, realized that he may have been in a bit over his head at the moment.

He had tried to be there when word had come from Captain Echo that Princess Celestia was leading a squadron of guards and the Elements of Harmony into the city but the Captain had decided that he would be much more useful patrolling the other end of the city to make sure that nopony panicked when they saw the Solar Guard running around dressed up in war gear. So he hadn’t been able to see or talk to Twilight.

After he had made his rounds (rounds that had been totally unnecessary since not a single pony seemed to even notice the Equestrian guards) he had tried to go and see the purple unicorn then so he could see how she was doing, but once again he had been pulled away.

Captain Echo and Captain Stalwart Shield, the Captain of the Solar Guard, had insisted that every single stallion in the Crystal and Solar Guard be debriefed about the situation that they had on their hooves; the best ways that the two corps could work together so this operation of their could run as smoothly as possible, and blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH!

But now, after about five hours of debriefings, Flash had found himself with a couple of hours of free time before he had to report back to the barracks. So he had showered, fixed up his mane to the best of his ability, put on just a bit of cologne, dug out his best (and only) vest, and had trotted toward the royal wing of the castle as fast as his hooves could take him.

But it was then, as he was about to knock on Twilight’s bedroom door, that Flash realized that he had no idea what he was going to say to her, or what she was going to say to him. It would have been easy if the two of them were alone but Twilight’s friends were in there with her. A group of mares that could hate his guts the moment they laid eyes on him.

What would he say to them? What would they say to him? Would they start hounding him with questions? Would they just stare at him while he tried to talk to his marefriend? Would--

Groaning, the stallion stepped away from the door and side-stepped twice to that he was facing the wall. His face, the picture of hopeless frustration, Flash took a step forward, planted himself firmly to the ground, and smacked his head against the wall so hard that a dull thud could be heard up and down the hall.

“What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?!” the Private muttered, smacking his head against the wall again before closing his eyes. “Should I just wait until breakfast? Should I go in now? Should I wait until only Twilight’s in the room before I try to knock on the door?! ARUGH!”

Flash cocked his head back, ready to give that wall what-for one more time, when Twilight’s door flew open.

“Who the hay’s making all of that noise out here?!” A rainbow-maned Pegasus growled, poking her head out of the doorway so she could look out into the hall. “We’re trying to get—“

Though every fiber in Flash’s being told him that now would probably be a really good time to disappear he couldn’t move. Surprise and his ever-mounting stress had glued him to that particular part of the floor, so he was only able to stare ahead wide-eyed as the Pegasis’ gaze finally settled on him.

“You! Are you the one pounding on the walls?” She demanded, stepping out into the hall.

Not knowing what else to do Flash let his boot camp training take over. It had helped him get out of pickles far worse than this and it’d do it again now. Hopefully.

Saluting, the Private puffed out his chest and said, “Private Flash Sentry reporting for d-duty, MA’AM!”

The Pegasus took a step back in surprise, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. “…And what the hay are you reporting in for, soldier?”

Flash’s mind raced, trying to think of a good enough lie to get him out of this mess. He could just say that he was just doing routine checks to the wall to see if they were still structurally sound. Yeah! That was probably stupid enough to work!

He could talk to Twilight tomorrow in the morning before he had to start his patrols. That’d be a better time to—

“I need to see Twilight Sparkle right away ma’am. It’s of the utmost importance!”

Bucking HORSE APPLES! Why the hay did I say tha—

“Rainbow? Did you find out who was messing around outside?”

Rainbow looked back into the bedroom as Flash, biting his lip hard, started to trot in place in panic. He knew that voice, and he also knew that he wasn’t ready to face its owner.

“Yeah, there’s this weird colt out here, He said his name’s Flash Sen—“

“FLASH?!”

From inside the bedroom Flash could hear crashing, things breaking, and ponies yelling in surprise. Before he could even open his mouth to ask what was going on, Rainbow, her eyes going wide, hopped out of the way as a purple blur came flying out of the room.

“FLASH!”

The blur tackled the stallion with enough force to knock him off of his hooves and send him tumbling to the cold, hard crystal floor with a groan. That groan became a grunt as his attacker started hopping up and down on his stomach.

“Omygosh, Flash! I was looking around for you all day! I would have gone out with the girls but the princess insisted that we all stay here even though I wanted to show you off to them butwhydidn’tyoutrytocomeandfindme?Wereyoutoobusy?DidyouhavetodooutanddosomethingforCadence?Was—“

Rainbow Dash watched as Twilight, filled to the brim with excitement, hopped up and down on this poor mystery stallion’s stomach while he groaned and twitched and tried to roll away from her with little success.

“…What the hay…” she muttered, scratching her head as Rarity quickly made her way toward her.

“Rainbow, Darling! What in the name of all things glamorous is going o—“ the fashionista paused when she saw what was happening outside in that hallway. “...Why on earth is Twilight trying to stomp that poor stallion to death?”

Rainbow shrugged. “I have no idea. All I said was that this Flash character was out here and Twi went all cuckoo and attacked him for some reason.”

Rarity and Rainbow watched as Twilight, speaking so fast that they didn’t even bother trying to decipher what the heck she was saying, continued to beat on the colt before the dots connected in Rarity’s mind.

“OH! Flash! The one that Twilight’s been raving about since she came home!”

Rainbow frowned, looking at her before looking back over at Twilight and Flash. “You mean Twilight’s “coltfriend”?”

Rarity nodded, quietly awing as she watched her purple friend do her very best to turn Flash into pony paste. “Oh why on earth didn’t I see it the second I laid eyes upon the two? Look at Twilight! She’s positively beaming Darling!”

“It looks like Twi’s trying to kill the guy to me,” Rainbow admitted, scratching her head again.

Rarity opened her mouth but immediately closed it when she heard Flash whimper. “…Well, Twilight’s not as familiar with dating as the rest of us are, Rainbow dear, so she’s just being a little bit… eager at the moment…”

Loudly clearing her throat, Rarity made her way toward Twilight and Flash. “Twilight, Honey, would you please stop trying to murder that stallion whom you just so happened to be stomping on? The girls and I would like to meet him in once piece if it’s not too much trouble.”

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

“One little, two little, three little horsies! Four little, five little, six little horsies! Eight little horsies in a row!”

I rolled my eyes as Ares continued to bellow out his weird little song, trying to get comfortable as he carried me through the hallways on his back with my hooves wrapped around his neck, while our “babysitters” tried their best to look like they weren’t with us.

“Ares, Honey, will you stop screaming?” I asked, laying my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes with a quiet huff. “Ponies are starting to stare and our guards look like they’re about ready to fly away.”

“I’ll stop shouting and carrying on the second that these two apologize for watching me while I was getting dressed,” my human replied, looking over his shoulder at the guards who still refused to look him in the eye.

I lightly batted him on the back of the head. “I specifically remember that these two apologized the second that they saw me drying you off,” I remarked, my tone souring only a little bit.

The two of us had been trying to have a bit of fun, once again, while the guards were outside our bedroom. It wasn’t anything too engaging; just some kissing and groping. But like every single time I made a noise that was louder than a sigh the guards burst right in and got an eye full and an angry Ares as a result.

Now, I understand somepony trying to take their work seriously and both my little human and I should be watched for the safety of everyone in the castle because of what happened, but now I was starting to think that these guards of ours were being just a little too watchful for my liking.

I had had a bucking rough couple of days; I turned into a nightmare monster for Faust’s sake! If anypony deserved a little time to mess around with her coltfriend before she had to go and deal with her aunts, who were probably going to keep poking at her for days and days until they actually did find something wrong with her, it was this mare right here!

I didn’t think I was asking too much; all I wanted to do was play around with my little human on my bed, and on top of my bedroom table and maybe the nightstand in peace!

But no! I now had a castle full of jumpy guards that expected me to turn into a nightmare monster if I so much as sneezed so I could barely kiss my bucking stallion! Bucking, horse apples, curd, buck, BUCK!

…And yes, I was a little upset, though understanding, about my situation if you didn’t already know.

With another huff I buried my face in Ares’s neck. “Can you just get us to the dining room a little faster, Honey? Please?”

Hearing the frustration in my voice, Ares gave my rump a little pat. “Don’t worry, Candy, I’m sure after a couple of days we won’t even notice all of these little horses following us where we go and poking their heads into things that they shouldn’t be poking their heads into. Like when someone’s getting dressed for instance.”

“We were only checking to see if you alright, Sir,” one of the guards behind us said. “The Princess herself ordere—“

“Don’t you fucking lie to me, guard horse! I saw that happy little gleam in your eyes when you saw me standing there wearing nothing but a smile! You little weirdo… You dirty, dirty little weirdo...”

The guard opened his mouth to retort when his fellow guard nudged him in the ribs and shook his head. Both of them knew they had already poked the bear; poking him any more wasn’t going to help anything. So the two of them just kept their mouths shut, which was kind of nice because if I closed my eyes it was almost like they weren’t even there.

With a happy sigh, Ares gave my rump another pat. “Yep, I’m sure we won’t even notice them after a little while! All they’ll be are a couple of shadows; adorable white little peeping shadows.”

The rest of the walk was silent after that, Ares humming his little tune, me just keeping my eyes closed, and the guards doing their very best to be as quiet and out of the way as possible. Though I didn’t bother to open my eyes for the entire walk, I knew that we were coming closer to the dining room because of the smell in the air.

My nostrils flared, and I couldn’t help but snort in amusement. “It smells like they’ve made spaghetti and radishes,” I mused, taking in another deep whiff. “I wonder if my aunt told the chef’s how to make it the “proper way...”

“Spaghetti and radishes?” Ares said, confused. “Why the hell would you put those two things together?”

I snorted again, nuzzling my human’s neck with a sleepy yawn. “Auntie Celestia always made it when I was little since it was my favorite dish as a kid,” I explained with another yawn. “She used to have it ready whenever I was having a really bad day.”

I could almost feel my Ares frown. “…But why radishes? Why didn’t you put something better in it than that?” My human shifted my weight around his back, trying to get more comfortable. “I wouldn’t even know what the hell you could put in with spaghetti but radishes?”

I cracked open an eye to look at him. “Oh? And what do you put in your spaghetti that makes it taste so good?” I demanded.

Once again one of the guards piped up. “…I always like to put potatoes in mine whenever I’m cooking spaghetti. If you cut the potatoes up in small chunks, throw a bit of salt and—“

“I’m going to tell on you two when we get into this dining room, little horses,” Ares interrupted, turning a corner. “I just want you both to know that.”

Both of the guard’s mouths snapped shut as we all made our way into the dining room where both of my aunts were already waiting at the table.

“Ares, Cadence! There you two are!” my aunt Celestia said with a smile, patting the chair next to her with a wing. “Come over here and sit with your dear old aunt my dears.”

With a smile Luna patted the chair next to her. “Yes, come and sit with us. We have much to talk about.”

“Rides over, Candy,” Ares said, dropping down to one knee so that I could get off his back.

Giggling, I slide off his back. “Thanks, hon,” I said, giving his cheek a kiss before trotting over to the table and sitting next to Luna. Before I could even scoot my chair in I had a plateful of spaghetti and a big glass of water set out in front of me. Blinking in surprise I looked around. As far as I could tell there weren’t any servants in the room, so where did the food come from?

My question was answered by my aunt Celestia, who smiled as Ares sat down next to her. “I let the kitchen staff have the night off, Cadence,” she said, wrapping a wing around my human and pulling him toward her. “I thought it’d be fun to cook for you like I did when you were little.”

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Luna’s wing wrap around my chair, my aunt’s soft feathers brushing against my side as she pulled me close to her. “Aye,” she said, idly taking a bite out of her own meal. “Twilight and the others are wandering the city and the kitchen staff are home with their families.”

Looking over at her I saw Luna regarding me with a guarded expression. “Tis only use four for supper tonight.”

I wiggled uncomfortably in my chair. “Oh? Well that’s just wonderful,” I said with a (slightly strained) smile. I didn’t know what was going on but this felt like a trap. The kind of trap where your family members are trying to do something that you won’t much appreciate and they want to soften it up by being all nice so they could spring it on you.

Celestia nodded, teleporting a plate of food for Ares. “Well eat up! It’s been awhile since I’ve cooked anything so I want to see what you think!”

Ares looked down at his plate before slowly sliding it away. “…Is there something going on?” he asked, looking at both of my aunts. “This feels like the second that I eat any of this food I’m going to pass out and wake up near a river with concrete blocks hardening on my feet…”

Though they didn’t understand Ares’s expression (…if that was a human expression) both my aunts understood it well enough.

“Ares! There’s nothing going on!” Celestia said, shiftily looking around with a nervous laugh. “I just wanted the four of us to have a nice meal together.”

Ares frowned at her before looking over at me. “Cadence… I think your aunts are trying to murder me.”

Celestia gasped. “I would never!—“

“You need to do something about that, Candy. I like being alive.”

I rolled my eyes with a giggle. “My aunts aren’t going to murder you, honey,” I said, scooping up some spaghetti with my fork and stuffing it into my mouth. “…Though I’d like to know what the hay’s actually going on here…”

Celestia looked at Luna and Luna looked at Celestia. My aunts seemed to have a silent argument for a few seconds with just eyebrow wiggles and nose scrunches before Celestia looked away with a sigh.

“…Well, though I think it’s wonderful that Ares decided to take you on a little date even after all that’s happened, Luna and I thought… that somepony should go and keep an eye on you.”

Both Ares and I frowned at the mere thought of having someone chaperoning us like we were a couple of naughty teenagers that couldn’t be trusted, but we both kept our silence on the matter. Even though it was kind of a bunch of horse apples I had figured that they were going to do something like this anyway. I didn’t like it but until everything was sorted out then I was going to just have to grit my teeth and bare it just like Ares was going to have to do.

“…Alright,” I said slowly, trying my hardest to be diplomatic about all of this. “Do we need to have a few of the guards come with us or…”

Celestia nodded. “Yes, I’ll have a pair of hoof picked guards for you in the morning.”

I made a face. Great, another pair of strangers following us around all day… I sourly thought. Why does it have to be guards anyways? Couldn’t--

I was about to scoop more food into my mouth so I wouldn’t be able to complain but a muse decided to play a practical joke on me, giving me a crazy, crazy idea. An idea that almost made me drop my fork in surprise with how bucking crazy it was. In fact, it was so crazy that if Discord had happened to be in the room and I had told him about it he would have been brought to tears with how crazy this plan of mine was.

...But you know what? It just might be crazy enough to solve a few problems that I have been having…

“...Actually, Auntie, I don’t think we’ll be needing the guards for this date.”

Both of my aunts looked up from their food to stare at me. “What do you mean by that, Cadence?” Celestia asked gently, obviously ready to explain why we needed somepony to go with us on our date.

I smiled, looking down at my plate. “Well… we won’t be needing them because I’d like Luna to go on the date with us.” I looked over at my other aunt, my smile still on my face. “How about it Luna? Do you wanna go on a date with me and Ares?”

It took a few moments for what I said to register with everyone else at the table, but when it finally sank in the looks on their faces almost made me laugh. Disbelief, joy, confusion, shock, happiness all flashed across the faces of my two aunts and Ares.

My little human looked more bewildered by this than anypony, blinking owlishly as he looked around the table. He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something but it snapped shut a moment later. Then his mouth opened again, then it closed again. This went on for about a minute until my Ares finally found his voice:

“...Those guards you sent us were a couple of peeping toms, Princess. They looked at my junk and everything…”