Why do I still have my wings?
It happened during Discord’s brief reign over Equestria, before Princess Celestia’s army sealed the beast away for another one thousand years. During his tirade many ponies found themselves being changed by this menace for his own amusement. My friend Sunray was blindfolded, unable to see anything with her perfect twenty-twenty vision. The mayor decreed that the entire town would be torn down and changed into a huge swimming pool. My neighbour thought that her wax sculpture was a real stallion and… well, that’s a forbidden topic these days.
Myself? I stood up to Discord. I told him that I would not stand idly by and watch my friends be toyed with, that I would fight against his evil ways. So what did he do? He tried to convince me that he wasn’t such a bad guy by giving me a pair of wings.
When Discord was defeated, all of his work went away. Towns returned to normal, ponies’ minds were clear once more, and all of the crazy things he had created went away. All except for me, and my wings. For some reason, they stayed, and with them , I had been tainted. Tainted by his chaotic magic.
Everywhere I go, ponies look. Everywhere I turn, ponies turn their heads to hide their judging glares. If I raise a hoof, ponies back away cautiously. If my horns lights up, ponies take cover. My friends became distant, my family cold, and my neighbours all moved to a different part of the town. After all, I am tainted by chaos. Surely anypony who comes into contact with me will also share my fate, right? Who knows? I might even be a servant of the Spirit of Chaos himself.
“Stay away!” This stallion is the town’s baker. He’s well-known for his kind and generous ways. He used to give me discounts when I was still job-hunting and sometimes ‘accidentally’ slipped in more than I ordered. Now he cowers behind his counter, and I am made to stand on the red ‘X’ painted on the floor. “You know the drill! Just stay there and collect your bread on your way out!”
I watch as he scoops up three loaves of bread and puts them into a brown paper bag. Using his magic, he levitates the bag and slowly places it onto the floor by the door. All this he does whilst never once taking his eyes off of me. “That’ll be three bits.”
I open up my bag and take out a small plastic bag. Inside are three bit coins. I open the bag and allow the money to fall onto the floor, making sure that my coat makes no contact with the coins at any point. I then leave, taking my bread and sparing one final glance inside. The baker is crouched on the floor, picking up money like a beggar, but at least he feels safe.
There was a crowd of ponies waiting to enter the bakery, but they couldn’t as long as I was in there. Once I round this corner I’m sure they’ll stop staring and enter, and maybe then the baker with crack a joke and they’ll all be laughing together.
Hmm… My mane is getting a little long. Perhaps it’s time to cut it again. I’ve gotten pretty good, ever since I got banned from the local saloon. Maybe afterwards I could look in the papers for a new job opening. Digging up rocks in the quarry all by myself pays well, but it’s starting to wear my back out. I would visit the town’s doctor or maybe a masseuse, but- Well, you get the idea by now.
“Excuse me, Miss Alacorn.” I feel a tugging at my tail. How long has it been since I’ve felt physical contact before? The one responsible for this nostalgic feeling is a little filly, probably just about six or seven years old. “You dropped your purse.”
Oh my. I hadn’t even noticed that my bag is still open. What a sweet little filly-
“Don’t touch her!” My hoof freezes just short of connecting to my wallet. I look up and there is an angry-looking mare approaching me, absolutely fuming. She snatches the wallet out of the filly’s hoof and throws it past me. “Take your wallet and leave! If you ever come near my girl again, I will drive you out of our town myself!” The mare grabs the filly’s hoof and pulls her along.
“Wait, Mama-”
“Don’t go near that pony again, Eve! Now come along, before she infects you!”
Poor filly, being dragged so forcefully like that. But at least her mother cares about her, enough to stand up to the servant of Discord without hesitation. Even so, why do things have to be this way? I’m not the servant of chaos, nor even a pawn. I’m just me. Two weeks ago, these ponies were my friends. If I dropped something in the street, any one of them would have been happy to let me know.
Sadly, those days are now over. This is the life I now lead. Ponies fear me and my curse. Ponies despise the part of me that reminds them of their tyrannical ruler. Ponies avoid me because I could ‘infect’ them. And… ponies do things like smashing my windows or spraying crude messages onto the walls of my house to tell me to leave town.
It’s not like it matters, though. If I leave this town, where will I go? I don’t have the money to move elsewhere. In any case, this town is where I was born. It’s where I grew up. Even if I’m the black sheep of the flock, this town is my home, and there’s no place like it. Isn’t that right, Mother?
Thankfully, the inside of my house is still in good condition. I guess ponies are too afraid of the ‘chaos’ to enter. Only one broken window today? Looks like I’ll be able to start dinner earlier than usual, then.
Honey, I’m home. What a day it has been, but at least I know I’ll always have your support whenever I return… home…
“Hey,” he greets me in a solemn tone. There are many bags and boxes piled up behind him. “I was waiting for you to come back. We need to talk.”
… I don’t like where this is going.
“This just can’t work out between us.” This can’t really be happening. “I wanted this to work out, really I did.” Then why now? “But it’s just too much. My family is starting to avoid me, and I’m at risk of losing all I’ve worked so hard to build.” What about me? What about us? “I’m sorry. I can’t be with you anymore. I can’t let the chaos spread to me, too.” Please stop. Just stop saying these things.
You’re all that I have left. You’re the one who said you would never turn your back on me. That you would convince the others that I am normal. Without you, what do I have left to look forward to? Who will be there to bridge the gap between me and the townsfolk? Who will be there to tell me that everything’s alright?
“Goodbye.” One final word and the door closes behind him. I am now alone in this large, empty house. It might as well be a prison, because I feel like I’m trapped within these four walls.
… So this is it. No friends. No family. No coltfriend. No money. Even the job I have is just the dirty work that the townsfolk don’t want to do on their own. What does a girl like me do next in this situation?
POP!
I was saving this wine for a big event. A promotion, marriage, meeting somepony big and important, anything like that. No sense saving it anymore, and even less sense letting it go to waste. Bottoms up.
What should I do with my life now? My plan was to keep going until my coltfriend and I could either win over the townsfolk, or just marry and live quietly together just outside of the town. I can’t leave. This is my home, after all.
I can’t believe he would just up and leave me like that. No warnings, no discussions, just an ‘I’m leaving, bye’ and then he’s gone. I loved him… and he betrayed me. Now I’m all alone…
All alone… Maybe I should just quit. Give up and let the chaos take me away from this place. Everypony would be happier, that’s for sure. There’s nothing left for me out there. Nothing worth living fo-
THUMP!
What was that?! Something just hit the wall of my house. Is it an angry mob? No, it couldn’t be. They’re too afraid that I might have Celestia-like powers to come and attack me directly. Besides, there’s no light out there from torches.
… … … There’s something out there. I can hear something rustling through my tall, un-mowed grass. Maybe it’s a stray cat or dog. I should go and check. Rising up out my chair isn’t usually such a chore. That wine must be getting to me. The door seems pretty far, but I have to find out what that noise was or I won’t be able to sleep tonight.
The door’s loud creak echoes through my mind as I push it open. It’s getting dark out. Ponies are probably already in their homes; it gets cold quickly at this time of year.
The thumping sound came from my left. Let’s see… There. There’s something beneath my boarded-up window. A ball?
“Oh. I’m sorry.” Who’s that? I can’t see anypony around me. “I thought nopony lived here.” Oh. It’s a filly, so small that she can hide in my jungle of a front garden. “Are you poor, ma’am?”
It’s the same filly from before. ‘Eve’, if I recall correctly. I suppose my house does look abandoned. Funny that it’s the one house around here that’s actually occupied.
“Oh, I remember you. You dropped your purse earlier.” Oh. So she remembers. Start screaming then, little filly. “Mama seemed scared of you. Are you a bad pony?” It all depends on your definition of ‘bad’. If being different is being bad, then I’m the worst pony ever. “Uh… can I have my ball back, please?”
You can, but it might be cursed. Here, have your ball back, and then run on home where it’s safe. Meanwhile, I’ve got a half-drunk bottle of wine with my name still on it.
“Thanks.” You’re welcome. “You’re not a bad pony.” … T-Thank you. “Why was Mama so afraid of you? Did you two have a fight before?”
I turn around… and this filly is still standing there, staring at me with not fear, not anger, but intrigue. Does she not know who I am? I thought that my name was commonplace around this town by now.
“Can’t you talk?” It’s not that I can’t. It’s just that nopony will listen to what I have to say. There’s no point in me speaking anymore. “Oh, my name’s Eve. What’s yours?”
“… Don’t you know?” I flair my wings and shake them a little. Had she simply not seen them in the dark?
She shakes her head. “My mummy and I just moved here yesterday.” Oh. Then that explains it. “Mummy makes friends real fast, but I’m not good with other children… They always laugh at me ‘cause I fall over a lot.”
Only laugh at you? You’re luckier than you know. “I’m not safe. You should avoid me.”
“Why not?” She’s certainly persistent, that’s for sure. “You look just like any other pony to me, except you have both wings and a horn.”
I lift a hoof up and extend it forward, reaching just short of the filly’s nuzzle. “I’m tainted with chaos. Come close to me and you will be cursed, too.”
The filly stares at me. She must be scared now. “That’s just silly.” Or maybe not. “You can’t be tainted.”
“Oh? How can you be sure?”
“Because you’re so nice! Nice ponies aren’t evil!” … Heh. “And if you were tainted, then all this grass would be, too.” Pfft! T-This child, is she seriously trying to refute what I and the rest of the town have accepted as fact for three months now? This is simply too much! “And you have such a pretty voice, too. I don’t know why you’re laughing, but it’s nice to hear!”
I-I’m laughing? Oh dear, I didn’t even notice. It’s been some time since I last laughed. Still… “Looks can be deceiving. Trust me, ponies who associate with me become cursed. I’ve… seen it happen…”
“But how can that be?”
“It just is. Now leave, please.” Laughing felt nice while it lasted. But I shouldn’t get close to this filly. She’ll just leave me when she finds the townsfolk look down on her… She’s still there, isn’t she?
“If you don’t like being around ponies, why do you still live with them?”
“Because it’s my home.” She sits down. She’s not leaving anytime soon… “I can’t very well just leave my home behind, can i?”
“Why not?” ‘Why not?’? How can she even ask such a thing.
“Home is where I was born. It’s where I belong.”
“But… you’re not happy here.” … “Mommy said that what’s really important is we’re happy. That’s why we left our home when daddy picked on mommy a lot. She said that home isn’t going anywhere. That we can go back later if we miss it… Do you think if you leave you won’t be allowed back?”
That’s not it. For one thing, I’m not even welcome now. “L-Like I said, this is my home, so…” So… So what? I’ve got nothing here, have I? A condemned house, a distant family, evil stares and stale bread, a ‘job’ digging for rocks until my back starts to give in… Happy? I’m certainly not happy here. I’ve got nothing, so why do I stay?
“Miss?”
“You’re right…” I reach a hoof out to touch the filly. She doesn’t back away. She allows me to pat her head and stroke her mane. “You’re right. Home isn’t going anywhere. I can always come back whenever I want.”
“Miss, what is it you do?”
My job? I mine rocks for a living… Or I used to, at least. “I… I’m a tailor.”
“You make clothes? Like pretty dresses and cool suits?!” Her eyes are practically alight right now. Looks like I might have a future fan here. “Wow! Where’s your shop? I’ll visit sometime!”
“I’m packing it up,” I tell her. “I’m thinking of a change of scenery. Maybe a quiet little village down south.”
“Aww… But you’ll be back, right?”
I nod my head. “Of course. There’s nothing more important than home. I’ll be back.” There’s one thing just a little more important, actually. Being happy. I had forgotten something so basic, but this filly helped me to remember. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome! … What for?”
Heh. She doesn’t even know what’s she done for me. “… It’s getting dark. Your mother’s probably worried sick about you. Get going now, before you catch a cold.”
The filly sneezes. “Oh no! It’s past my curfew!” She turns around and runs off, stopping to wave one final goodbye. I wave back. This will be a long goodbye.
I had saved this wine for a special occasion. It’s a shame I’ll have to waste it, but I’ve no time for drowning my sorrows!
This house was my first after moving out of my parents’. I hope it’ll still be around when I come back.
These twenty-three bits are all that I have left. I can afford a ticket to a few stations, but buying or renting a place to stay will be to stay will be impossible. I’ll make it work. I’ll even work as a waitress or a janitor if I have to.
This chest… I haven’t opened every since I was cursed by Discord. Inside it is my last dress. The rest were burned along with my store. Nopony wanted a cursed boutique in their town square, after all. This one though was made for me personally. With this, I can start a new life, free from the paranoia and social scorning that I endured in this town.
With this dress, I’ll hide my wings. With this money, I’ll buy a ticket to some faraway place, where nopony knows my name! When I am back on my hooves, I will return. I will prove to everypony that I am not cursed. That there is no reason to fear me. And then, I truly will be home.
I should leave now, whilst everypony is still indoors. The train station should be empty. I won’t become a bother if I leave this late at- What’s that bright light in the distance? It’s coming from the town square. There are no events happening tonight… Wait, I know that glow.
My hooves pick up the pace. I have to reach the town square, fast! That’s no ordinary light in the distance! That’s the glow of a huge fire!
“We need more rainclouds!”
“The fire’s spreading too quickly!”
“Hurry! Bring those buckets over here!”
It’s worse than I thought! The fire’s spreading way too quickly! How many houses are on fire? How did this all start? Has everypony evacuated yet?!
“You! This is your fault!” What? Do they mean… me?
“Of course! This is your revenge for us burning down your store? Well, are you happy now, demon?!”
“I knew it wouldn’t be long! Why can’t you just leave us alone?!”
T-They think that I did this? But that’s impossible! My store was burned down three months ago, why would I carry out my revenge now?
“Somepony help!” It’s that mare from before. Eve’s mother. “My daughter! She’s trapped inside!”
… ! N-No… It couldn’t be… “Which house?” A splash of water meets my face.
“Just go away! You’ve already done enough!”
“HELLLLP!”
That house! If only I could- Wait, I can fly! I can spread my wings and reach the top window, where the screams are coming from! And then I can break in there and- N-No… The fire’s too intense by the window. I can’t get in.
“Eve!”
“Miss?! Help!”
The door’s covered in fire, too! I can’t see any way out! … There must be something… There! The wall is crumbling! If I use my magic, I can throw things in the room at it and break it down!
That bust over there. That chunk of wood. That entire drawer! That did it! “Eve! Run into the next room!” The window of the next room over is open. I can fly inside and grab Eve before the roof collapses!
“EVE!”
Her mother is screaming down below. I pick up Eve in my forelegs and fly back outside. She’s safe-and-sound… Thank Celestia. I fly back down and deliver Eve to her mother.
“Eve! Thank Celestia you’re safe!”
“Mommy!”
The two hug, and cry. Their new home is burning and crumbling to a heap of ash, but the two are safe and together. I’m glad… but I have to wonder, did I truly curse her? Is this whole thing… my fault?
“GET OUT OF HERE!”
Pain strikes me in the back of the head. I turn around and find a bucket rolling along the floor, and a mob of angry ponies glaring towards me.
The fire behind them draws their attention. This is my chance. I’d better run while I have the chance… and never look back.
Never look back… Never look back… Never look ba- The town. The entire town is bathed in an orange light. The ponies are in an uproar trying to put out the flames. This is what hell must look like… and all I can do is run away with my tail between my legs.
The train station is thankfully still running. The pony at the counter is also one who’s too terrified to deny me a ticket. I should buy a ticket for the next train out of here immediately. Ponyville? It’ll do. Twenty bits… Wait, where’s my-
“MIIIIIIISS!” That voice. It can’t be. “Miss!” It’s Eve. She must have run after me. She’s panting heavily. “Y-You dropped your p-purse…”
My purse! Huh, talk about déjà vu. “Eve…” This isn’t good. “Eve, no. Stay away from me. I’m cursed, remember? Besides, what would your mother think if she saw-” Uh-oh. Speaking of the devil, there’s her mother right now. Of course she would chase after her daughter. If she was angry before… Maybe I should just run along the tracks now before she can reach me.
“Eve!” Here it comes… “Have you returned her purse yet?”
“I was just about to!” … What? “Miss, your purse.” What’s going on? Why is her mother… bowing?
“You left so quickly. I didn’t get the chance to thank you before.”
“… There’s no need to thank me. This whole thing was my fault to begin with. I’m cursed, remember?” I reached forward to grab my purse. She’ll slap my hoof away before I can touch it… Or maybe not.
“Whether you’re cursed or not, you saved my daughter’s life. I am grateful for that.”
“Aren’t you afraid I’ll pass on my chaos?”
“If being tainted by chaos is the price for my daughter’s safety, I’ll gladly accept it. I’ll admit, I thought that you were a monster, from the stories I had heard. But you saved Eve’s life and brought her back to me. If that’s what a servant of chaos is, then I say let the chaos spread!”
You shouldn’t speak like that. You’ll become an outcast, just like me. The sounds of the train echo behind me. It looks like my ride is here. “… Thank you.”
“Thank… us?” the mother asks in a confused tone.
“I’ll be back one day. Until then, can I ask a favour?”
“Anything!”
“There’s a little wooden house that looks abandoned, in the part of town where nopony currently lives. Eve knows where it is. I would like you to keep it safe for me until I return home.”
The mare nods her head. “You can count on me. And I’m sorry for the way that I acted before. I shouldn’t have assumed anything without first getting to know you.”
I smile. That’s two things I’ve done today that I haven’t done in such a long time.
“Last call for the train departing to Ponyville! All aboard!”
Well, this is it. My new life starts here. I don’t know how long I’ll be away from home, but at least I’ll have some friends when I come back. And who knows, maybe even a family again, too. After leaving them with a simple name to remember, I step aboard the train and wave goodbye to my old life.
“I’ll be sure to write to you, Eve!”
“I’ll write back, Dawn!”
I’m not afraid of my wings anymore. They may call me a servant of chaos, but I brought a smile to a little filly’s face, and brought hope to her mother’s.
If that’s what a servant of chaos is, then I’ll gladly call Discord my lord.
