The Human's Guide to Herding

As much as I would have liked to, I had no plans to just stay in bed all day. With that in mind, I got up and wandered a short distance until I found Berry's bathroom. My original plan was to take a shower, but I soon found a logistical problem. The shower head was all of four feet high, perfect for a pony, I suppose, but much too short for me. Fortunately, Berry's shower was also a bathtub which  was still a bit short, but it would do the trick.

After fiddling with the taps for a while I had finally hit on the perfect water temperature and drew the bath. It filled up quickly and I slunk myself in, the warm water doing an excellent job of relaxing me. However, I wasn't alone in this state for long.

"I thought I head something," turning, I saw Berry standing in the doorway. I had obviously forgotten to lock the door.

"Yeah. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," she waved her hoof, "In fact, I have half a mind to join you."

"Oh do you now," I chuckled, "I don't think this tub will hold both of us."

"It will if I lay on top of you."

This was one oversexed mare. In the back of my mind, I wondered if all ponies were like this.

"You just don't like the word 'No', do you?"

"What can I say, I like being in charge," she explained as she made her way over, "That's why I'm my own boss."

"Fair enough," I shrugged as best I could with my arms up on the sides of the tub, "So does that mean you're just going to order me around?"

"No, that would be wrong. But I am going to tell you what I want. And judging from earlier, you like knowing what I want."

I chuckled again as I let my right arm, the one closer to Berry, slide down the side of the tub.

"Well, are you coming or not?"

Berry smirked as she climbed and stumbled into the tub, landing on top of me with a splash of water and a grunt from me.

"Ah," Berry sighed, running her forelegs against my sides, "this is nice. Oh, I know what would be even better."

Berry squirmed and shifted, eventually flipping herself over to where her back was against my chest. She somehow grabbed my arms with her forehooves and crossed them over her body, forcing me to hold her.

"Comfortable," I asked, hoping that her moving about in the small space was over with.

"Very," she replied as she began swishing her tail under the water, hitting one of my thighs and then the other.

"So," I asked after a period of silence, "what do you have planned for the rest of the day?"

"Not really. My only thought about today was whether I was going to have a hangover. You dropping in kind of changed that."

"Sorry. I honestly have no idea how I got here. I fell asleep in my bed and woke up in yours."

"No problem. But as you did drop in, I guess that changes things somewhat."

"Yeah. I'd suggest going somewhere, but obviously I don't know where. Not to mention, I'm a little worried about how the other ponies will treat me."

"Oh don't worry about them. You'd be surprised what kind of strange creatures pop up here every once in a while. You're nothing."

The silence resumed as we enjoyed our bath. Intermittently, I would rub Berry's chest or forelegs, and she seemed to enjoy that. Eventually, the water started to get cold, a sure signal to get out of the tub. After we dried ourselves off, I wrapped the towel around my waist, a gesture which confused Berry.

"What are you doing with the towel," she asked.

"Well I just realized a second ago that I don't have any clothes," I answered as I finished tucking the towel in, "This will have to do until I can figure something out."

"What do you need clothes for? If you haven't noticed, I'm naked."

"Yeah, I noticed," I rolled my eyes, "But humans wear clothes for a reason. If you haven't noticed, my package is outside my body."

"I did notice. Weird, but interesting at the same time. I suppose you're protective of your friends."

"It's not just that. It's a matter of anatomy. You see, human males can get an erection at anytime. It's controlled by bloodflow. And the last thing I want is to go walking around sporting a stiff one."

"So you can get aroused anytime," Berry asked, a gleam coming to her eye that I recognized.

"Yes."

"So if I just did this," she sauntered toward me and nuzzled her snout into my groin. This caused me to come to half-mast, much to her amusement, "Oh, fun."

"Please don't abuse this knowledge."

"I won't...at least, not in public."

"Back to the matter of clothes. Is there a tailor in this town?"

"There's a seamstress, yeah. But if you ask me, walking outside in that towel would just be ridiculous."

"I know, I know. Give me a minute," it was at this point that I noticed a neatly folded white sheet off to the side of Berry's room. Reaching for it, it was indeed a bedsheet, "This will do nicely."

I disrobed and began working the bedsheet around my body, wrapping it around my torso and shoulders. When i was finished, I turned to face Berry.

"That looks even more ridiculous. What do you call it?"

"It's called a toga. People used to wear it in ancient times."

"Then how do you know how to make one?"

"Frat parties."

"What the what?"

"Basically, they're big parties where people get together to drink, fuck, and act stupid. Sometimes, they dress in togas for reasons that I'm not entirely sure of."

"Sounds like my kind of party."

"Yeah, yeah.  Let's go."

Berry and I exited her house. It was probably close to noon already, judging by the sun. Berry led me to where I wanted to go, with me having no knowledge of the town in which I found myself.

The other ponies that we passed had a mix of reactions. I could see older ponies protectively huddling their fillies and colts. But most of the ponies didn't seem to even notice me. It seemed Berry was right, at least, for awhile.

"Berry, look out," a voice cried out, coming from behind us.

I spun around to see a blue blur coming straight for my head. Luckily for me, I ducked just in time, the wind from the fly-by almost blowing my toga off. The blue blur, realizing that it had missed, did a U-Turn. This time, it flew a little lower, so instead of ducking, I simply side-stepped out of the way. After this pass, the blur stopped, causing me to realize what it really was. A blue pony, with wings, no less, and a striking rainbow mane and tail.

"Rainbow cut it out," Berry shouted. If that was this pegasus' name, it was fitting.

"Be careful, Berry," the pegasus cried like before, "that large monster was following you."

"Monster," I said loud enough for the pegasus to hear me, "I am far from a monster."

"Just cause you can talk doesn't mean you're not dangerous."

"But he's not dangerous, Rainbow Dash," Berry protested, "Just leave him alone."

"OK," Rainbow said warily, "But I got my eye on you tall thing."

Berry and I ignored her and continued on our way. Soon, we were standing in front of a large building whose outside design reminded me of a merry-go-round.

"Here it is," Berry said, "Carousel Boutique. If anypony can make you clothes, it's Rarity."

As we stepped inside, a little bell rang.

"Coming," said a bright, accented female voice. Not two seconds later, a unicorn with a very curly purple mane and tail entered the front room, "How can I..AAAAAAHHHHH!"

That pony's scream could rival anybody's. I'm surprised it didn't shatter the building's windows.

"Rarity it's OK," Berry said, "calm down."

"Berry Punch, I demand to know what that thing is and why you have brought it into my boutique."

"Ms. Rarity," I slowly asked, even though she had called me a 'thing' I decided to remain as polite as possible, "My name is Will, I'm what's known as a human. I need your help."

Rarity was shaking a bit, but she held her ground.

"OK," she replied, "what do you want?"

"I've heard your a very good seamstress," I explained, laying it on thick to help my case, "I arrived here by mistake, and I have no clothes. I was wondering if you could make some clothes for me."

"Well...at least that explains why you're wrapped up in a bedsheet."

"Exactly. Could you help a guy out here?"

"That depends. What did you have in mind?"

"Just some short pants. They would be about knee-length," I reached down to my knees to show what I meant, "Do you know what polyester is?"

"Of course, darling."

First she screamed and called me 'thing,' now she's smiling and calling me 'darling'. These ponies are strange.

"Excellent," I exclaimed, "Shorts are a very simple design. An elastic waistband to hold them to my hips, and then solid fabric on down, leaving room for my legs to breathe."

"I believe I understand," her horn glowed blue, and in a flash, a pencil, pad and measuring tape appeared, a moment later, Rarity put on a pair of small red glasses, "Let us begin."

"Begin what, exactly," I asked, I suppose I should have known, but then again I had no idea how she just made those objects appear.

"Begin measuring you, of course. I can't very well make you anything if I don't know your size."

"Fair enough," I began unraveling myself from the toga.

"Uh, Will," Berry said, "aren't you worried about you-know-what?"

"Not really," I replied, "Rarity seems like a professional."

It didn't take Rarity very long to take my measurements. Berry and I soon left the Carousel Boutique with a promise from Rarity that her first attempt at my leggings would be complete in a day or two. I was confident that she would figure it out.

"It's early in the afternoon," I quipped to Berry as we walked back through Ponyville, "What are we going to do now?"

"Oh, I know. Let's go see my best friend."

"Who's your best friend?"

"Her name's Minuette. She's the local dentist. Come on."

"D-Dentist?"