Propositions

I stood outside Twilight’s castle for a time after the princess had left, musing on the conversation that we had just had. Thinking on the awkwardness of the scenario, I couldn’t help but laugh.

"What's so funny John," a familiar voice asked from behind me. I turned around to be met with a face-full of pink mane.

"Oh nothing, Pinkie," I half-lied, "just something that Twilight brought up."

"What were you two talking about," Pinkie questioned, looking up at me with a tilt of her head.

"Well," I began, taking a step back so that I could actually see the pony I was talking to, "Twilight was just giving me a run-through of things I should know if I'm living here."

"Like what," the highly-curious mare interrogated.

"Like history," I answered, wondering all the while why Pinkie was so interested, "and basic things about Equestria."

"Did she give you the sex talk?"

I felt like I had taken a punch to the solar plexus.

"Wh-what," I stuttered, befuddled that Pinkie would ask such a thing.

"I said, did Twilight and you talk about sex?"

Personally, I was flabbergasted that anyone could talk about it so freely. Now I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but to talk about this most personal of subjects in public where anybody could hear was stunning to me.

"That's none of your business, Pinkie Pie," I said with a stern voice and straight face.

Pinkie was silent for a moment, a smile still etched on her face, as if she didn't understand the sentiment. However, the silence didn't last long, as she soon gasped and started hopping in place before grabbing me by the wrist.

"Come with me, John," Pinkie said, more of a statement then a question.

"Uh, Pinkie, it's getting kind of late," I replied, hoping to get the overly-enthusiastic mare off my wrist.

"Oh, I know that, silly," Pinkie giggled, not turning to face me as she pulled me down the street, "It's just that I realized that I haven't done anything to welcome you to Ponyville yet."

"You really don't have to," I said with a bit of strain in my voice. It had been a long day and I was tired.

"Yes I do, it's kind of my job. Now just come to the Corner with me. I promise you'll like what I have planned."

At this point, I just resigned myself to my fate. There really was no point in arguing, and even less point trying to rend my wrist from my captor's grasp.

*-*-*-*-*

It did not take long for Pinkie to pull me all the way to Sugarcube Corner, both her place of work and her home, along with Mr. and Mrs. Cake and their twin foals, Pound and Pumpkin. I know all of this because that's all Pinkie went on about the entire way. I suppose it was so that I would know exactly who I would be meeting.

Upon entering the bakery, I immediately saw the four ponies in question right in the front parlor. Given Pinkie's descriptions it was easy to identify them all.

Mr. Carrot Cake was sweeping. His long, light orange-furred body made him even taller and thinner than me, as if he had never eaten a gram of fat in his life. Of course, given his business, I highly doubted this was the case.

His wife, Mrs. Cup Cake, was behind the counter. She was almost the exact opposite of her husband being short and plump, both in further degrees than Pinkie. This is not to say that she was obese or anything, as her curved figure was actually perfectly proportioned.

And on the floor, off to the side, were the twins. The two of them perked up immediately upon our arrival, Pound even buzzing slightly into the air. To this day, I still don't know how two Earth ponies create a pegasus and a unicorn foal, and even less how that's possible with twins, but from the moment I learned this, I decided it was best not to question it.

"Ah, there you are Pinkie," Carrot said upon our arrival, "and who is that?"

"Oh, this is John Pearson," Pinkie introduced, pushing me in front of her, "he's an alien from another dimension who crashed into Ditzy's house."

"Oh my," Cup gasped.

"Pinkie," I reprimanded, "don't make it sound like I landed on her roof. I just ran through some weird portal and into her front door."

"Eh, my description sounded better," Pinkie shrugged before grabbing underneath my upper arm.

"Where are you off to now," Carrot asked.

"Just up to my room," Pinkie called back, as we were already at the stairs leading to the second floor.

I didn't hear either of the Cakes reply. Quite frankly, I was paying more attention to not tripping on the stairs as Pinkie took them two at a time, never relinquishing my arm.

When we reached the top of two different flights of stairs, we were in Pinkie's room. My immediate thought was "party foul" as there were balloons, streamers, crayons, cans of paint, and rolls of paper all over the place. When my eyes made it to her closet, I swore I saw a tiny, blue cannon sitting inside. However, I didn't have much time to wonder about it, as something else soon gained my attention.

It's hard to describe the feeling exactly, but I felt something wet and a bit slimy on the shin and Achilles tendon of my right leg. Looking down for the source of the odd sensation, I saw a pair of reptilian eyes stare back at me just long enough for them both blink separately. The eyes were connected to a small reptile, but a reptile I recognized nonetheless.

"Gator," I yelled, kicking my leg out, which caused the little reptile to lose its grip on my leg and fly a short distance where it landed on a large ball, bounced off, and landed on its feet in a surprising show of grace.

However, I was more worried about the fact that an alligator had been taking a bite out of my leg. I quickly checked out my leg for any damage only to find that there was none. No scratches, no bleeding, no teeth marks.

"Pinkie," I exclaimed, pointing at the reptile who just stood on the floor, staring blankly ahead, "what is that?"

"That's Gummy," she replied with a smile.

"Gummy? You have a pet alligator!?"

"Right-a-roonie, and don't worry, he's completely harmless. He's got no teeth.

I wanted to take a moment to process this information, and I wanted another to ask Pinkie just how the heck she acquired a toothless alligator. However, I didn't get the chance.

"Hey John, come stand over here," Pinkie called. She was standing near a small set of steps that led to a balcony.

Putting aside my questions about Gummy, I came to stand beside Pinkie. As soon as I did so, she pushed on the topper on the banister pole, which happened to be in the shape of a cupcake. Immediately, I felt my feet go out from underneath me and I started falling. After a split-second, my feet landed on something metal, which I soon realized was a slide. Quickly, I assumed your typical sliding position. I could hear Pinkie laughing above me, so I tilted my head back to look. That was a mistake, as her legs were parted slightly, and, due to the skirt she was wearing, I got a clean view at her pink-and-white striped panties. Suffice is to say, I quickly rectified my error.

Our slide didn't last too long, and I soon found my feet back on solid ground. However, I wasn't a kid anymore, and I wasn't quick to kick up to my feet, which meant that a second after reaching the bottom of the slide, Pinkie crashed into my back. For better, or worse, she prevented herself from kicking me, and instead crashed with her body first. The reason this was also possibly worse is that it meant that Pinkie's substantial bust was now pressed against me, on top of her legs instinctively partially wrapping themselves around my waist.

"Woo-hoo," Pinkie yelled, "that will never not be fun."

"Ok," I sighed, "so where are we?"

“This,” Pinkie explained, popping off the slide and pulling me to my feet, “is my party cave!”

“Party…cave?”

Taking a glance around the subterranean structure, it looked like an extension of Pinkie’s room. There were balloons, streamers, banners, and other party-oriented things scattered all about. But the most interesting thing to me was the wall of filing cabinets.

“This is where I plan my biggest parties,” Pinkie said, gesturing around the room, “And in those cabinets are my secret party files for everypony in Equestria! Or, at least they were secret until Twilight and the others found it.”

Her little speech ended with her making a smile so large, I swore I heard her make a sound like a squeaky toy.

“You have files on everyone?”

“Yes indeedy! That way I always know how to throw the perfect party. Hey,” Pinkie exclaimed, popping up in front of me, her chest pressed flush against mine as she looked up to meet my eyes, “Since we’re down here, I should start on your file!”

“I don’t really think that’s…”

But the pink mare cut me off and swung me onto a plush pink couch which I hadn’t noticed during my initial observations. Pinkie soon sat beside me, brandishing a clipboard stacked with paper and an over-sized pink quill.

“Just a few easy questions to get started,” my pink companion smiled with glee.

Resigned to my fate, and yet another round of “20 Questions”, I sighed, “OK, Pinkie.”

“Yay! OK, full name?”

“Johnathan Joseph Pearson.”

“Preferred name?”

“John Pearson.”

“Birthday?”

“July 7th.”

“Ooh, that’s pretty close. Age?”

“Twenty-five.”

“Oh, you’re five months older than Rarity and seven months older than Applejack. Three favorite colors?”

“Uh, green, red, and black.”

“Nice combinations. Favorite flavor of ice cream?”

“Mint chocolate chip.”

“Favorite flavor between chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry?”

“Chocolate, of course.”

“Of course,” she parroted with a giggle, “Last time you had a birthday party?”

I had to think about that one, “Uh…when I turned…twelve?”

Pinkie gasped and almost dropped her quill, “That’s a long time! I have to make sure to throw you one this year.”

“Pinkie, I don’t even know if I’ll still be here then.”

“No matter, I’ll plan one anyway! Now just a few yes/no questions. Do you like cake?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have a sweet tooth?”

“Yes.”

“Do you enjoy parties?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to have sex with me?”

“Yes, wait, what?”

I snapped my head over to Pinkie. She was softly biting down on the feathered end of the quill and looking at me with half-lidded eyes. Within seconds, she had dropped the quill and the clipboard and scooted over to sit right beside me.

“I said,” she whispered, “Do you want to have sex with me?”

I immediately realized what was happening. Just as Twilight had talked about, Pinkie was propositioning me. Of all things, I certainly hadn’t expected that Pinkie would not only do something like that, but that she would be so quick about it. But I also remembered the other important point of our little chat.

I answered clearly, “No, Pinkie.”

The mare’s ever-present smile faltered just a touch, and her eyes opened back to their usual size.

“You, you don’t?”

“No, Pinkie.”

Pinkie’s eyes darted all around me, and she started talking at a fast pace, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t offend you did I? Is there a reason? Do you have a marefriend already? Oh Celestia, did I just hit on a guy who’s taken? Or maybe you’re not attracted to females? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course, I just…”

In order to stop her, I grabbed her shoulders with my hands. Pinkie immediately went silent, though her worried look remained.

“To answer your questions,” I began, “No, I don’t have a girl back home, and yes, I am very much attracted to females.”

“Just, not to me,” Pinkie’s shoulders slumped and her head fell. I could have sworn her hair lost a bit of its volume as well.

“I didn’t say that,” she perked back up immediately, “Pinkie, I’ve been here for a day-and-a-half. And I don’t know how long I’m going to be here. If you want to get physical with me, then I’m flattered. But I’m not personally ready for that step.”

My hands left Pinkie’s shoulders.

“Hehe,” Pinkie giggled, rubbing the back of her neck, “Guess I moved a little fast, huh?”

“To put it one way,” I smiled, “Maybe that’s normal for Equestrians, but you have to remember that I’m not one.”

“Hey, no hard feelings,” Pinkie beamed, “But can you answer one more question for me?”

“Why not?”

Pinkie threw her arms out wide, “Can I at least have a hug?”

I chuckled, and Pinkie laughed with me, “I don’t see why not.”

My new pink friend wasted little time bringing me into a tight hug. As with Ditzy, it felt very nice, and it was a little unfortunate when it had to end.

“So,” Pinkie said one the hug concluded, “when will Twilight know if she can get you home?”

“I don’t know Pinkie,” I shrugged, “hopefully soon.”