Nonconsensual Spellcasting

by Seven Fates

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Anon, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 5841

Twilight likes to cast spells on her familiars whether they like it or not. Unfortunately for her, one of them uses one such instance as a chance to get back at her.

AnonAramus has a problem. Months ago, Twilight summoned him into Equestria and couldn't send him back. Being a creature 'created' by magic, he became her responsibility and her slave—her familiar, as she likes to remindcorrect him so often. Along with her other pet, Spike, he does all of her menial labor, and plays the part of the perfect magical pincushion.

When Twilight's latest magical fuck-up turns him into a mare, he finds himself with an opportunity to get back at her just sitting in his lap... but he'll have to look past his reservations to do so.

This story is based on a comic by Nobody.
Cover art also by Nobody.
Written with approval.

To be edited by ReFro.

Published 2014-09-18 01:30:08 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-18 01:30:08 UTC

Fuck Logic! Time for an Adventure!

Humans aren’t native to the world of Equus, but rather, we’re occasionally summoned as a byproduct of spellcasting gone wrong. You just happily go about your life on Earth and suddenly, poof! You’re sitting in front of some goofy-ass, purple horse with wings and a strap-on stuck to her head, grinning madly at you. Yeah, it sounds like shit, but trust me: it gets worse.

See, here in Equestria, humans aren’t afforded the same rights as ponies. Hell, I don’t even have as many rights as the talking steak dinners cows. Under Equestrian law, any creature created by magic is considered to be a familiar, and therefore akin to a pet or property. As such, I belong to my master and have to do what she says. Honestly, slavery is more like it.

I suppose it isn’t all bad, however. See, my ‘owner’, Twilight, already has another familiar—a dragon named Spike—she created by pouring magic into an unfertilized egg, and makes him do a lot of the menial labor. Aside from being a silly looking purple and green dragon who almost reminds me of Barney the Dinosaur, Spike’s pretty chill. For the most part, I just help him out doing the things that his short little ass has problems with. In return, he treats me with some dignity and shares his bedroom with me.

So yeah, I’m the whipped minion of a purple unicorn. She feeds me, clothes me and gives me a place to stay, but honestly, that’s kind of her burden after the whole kidnapping and enslaving me thing. Fucking bitch. Not only does she experiment on me on a regular basis, all of her friends are friends are just as goddamn crazy. Just the other day the pink one—

“Anon!” a shrill voice calls from downstairs, startling me out of focus just as I dip my quill into the inkwell. It’s no great surprise that Twilight’s shouting at me, but the volume at which she can yell still makes me flinch. In fact, that’s probably why there’s a huge splotch of ink spreading across the first page of my new journal.

“Goddamnit,” I mutter, slamming the notebook shut and stomping toward the door. As I pull the door open, I spot Spike coming up the hall in that fruity apron she makes him wear with a feather duster clutched in one claw. “For the love of God, my name is Aramus, not Anon. Why can’t she get that through her head?”

My reptilian compadre rolls his eyes and snorts as he draws to a stop before me. “Dude, it’s a lost cause,” he replies. “Dragons are born knowing their names—it’s Cyrus, by the way—but Twilight thinks it’s tradition to name familiars, regardless of whether or not they already have one. She even backed it up by referencing Starswirl’s illithid helper, Squiggles.” I raise my eyebrow as he laughs. “Yeah, I know; these ponies are nuts. A mind flayer of all things. Just roll with it”

I open my mouth to speak, but there’s nothing to say. He’s right; ponies are absolutely insane. With a civil nod, the young drake continues past, hoisting the feather duster as he cracks the door into Twilight’s room, disappearing from sight. “Sure thing, Cyrus,” I grunt, fighting back a smile as I pull the door shut behind me.

Now, things are pretty routine around here. Whenever Twilight needs me for something, she always shouts my name in that certain way, and then greets me with this creepy sort of glee. Then she’s all, “Hey Anon, wanna drink this potion?” or “Hey Anon, wanna touch this cupcake?” It all invariably ends with me getting electrocuted, poisoned, or in one particularly painful instance, immolated. Twice. How does fire even catch fire, anyhow? Oh wait. This is Twilight I’m talking about.

Suppressing slight shudder, I make my way down the stairs into the library proper. Sure enough, there’s that damn alicorn waiting for me at the bottom, smiling and fidgeting excitedly. What’s with her, anyway? Was she dropped on her head as a baby? Does she simply lack empathy for ‘lesser’ beings? If I go down into the basement, am I going to find small animals tortured to death with sex toys or something?

“Hey, Anon!” Fucking called it. “Wanna help me with a spell?” she asks as I reach the bottom of the steps.

“No,” I say as flatly as possible, crossing my arms in front of me. “Not that you’ll listen... And stop calling me Anon; it’s Ara—”

“Good!” she exclaims, completely ignoring me. This pony is a princess, for crying out loud. Shouldn’t she be more conscientious of those beneath her station or something? Her horn, wreathed in tangible magic, begins to shimmer and she advances on me. “This’ll only be a second.”

I back away from her slowly, eyes wide with unease. “I really don’t think this is a good idea,” I plead as my back comes into contact with something hard. Placing my hands against the obstacle behind me, as if to futilely climb away from her, I shake my head. “Don’t you think I’m much nicer with my organs on the—” Her horn touches me on the chest right where my heart is with an audible fizzle. “Goddamnit.”

An opaque cloud of pink magic radiates out from the place she touched me, and slowly obscures everything around me past my arm’s length. I won’t lie: for one quick second I allow myself to believe that she actually managed to find a way to send me home, but let’s be realistic; she doesn’t want me to go home. I’m too good of a test subject to let go, what with my complete and utter vulnerability to magic.

At any rate, that thought quickly leaves my mind as I watch my nose begin to swell within my vision. Actually, no. Swell isn’t the right word; my nose is growing out from my face, my jaw and skull going along with the ride and lengthening painfully. In fact, I would go so far as to say that my nose is actually growing flatter, squashing into my growing face. As my eyes grow larger, quite literally, to match my changing head, I note that my hair is also growing longer, and greener, as it falls in front of my eyes.

I bring my hand up to my face in alarm, only to cry out in a high, pained voice as something hard strikes my jaw. Where my hand should have been, I see only a misshapen mass on a limb shorter and stubbier than my arm has any right to be. Even as I watch, what was once clearly a thumb shifts up to join the large mass of green... a hoof.

The rest of my body is not without change either. With a solid rip, my shirt falls into tatters as my torso becomes more rounded. My hips shift, twisting my legs in a way that both forces me on my hands and knees, tearing my pants in the process. Painfully, something short pushes out from just past my butt.

Even as I watch a cascade of dark green hair fall down past my legs, my attention falls away in favor of what is happening between them. At first, it’s only the oddity of my nipples sliding down my chest to come to a rest beneath my thighs, swelling gently like two small...

No. No, no, no! Even as my manhood begins to migrate up out of sight, I can see it shrinking away. I want to glare and scream at Twilight as I feel my shaft invert as both it and my testicles are sucked into my body cavity, but the cloud of magic shrouds her. Why, of all things, is she turning me into a mare?

Though I can’t see the changes happening back there, the tickling of my tail more than makes up for the lack of sight. Two plump lips take shape beneath my tail, probably every bit inhuman as the one Twilight makes no attempt to hide when she walks in front of me. Not that I’m purposely looking. If not for the fact that I’ve just lost my manhood, I’d probably be disgusted that I now have an animal’s junk.

As the cloud of magic begins to dissipate, a thin coat of lime fur pushes its way through my skin. Unfortunately, there’s little time to process that Twilight has turned me into a pony. With an audible poof, the last of the magic vanishes, leaving me face to face with the sadistic magician princess.

Wouldn’t you know it? She’s fucking grinning at me. “Oh wow!” she squeals, grabbing me with her ungodly magic and dropping me in the center of the room. “It worked!” Can you believe her? She says it like she had no idea what the spell would do.

“Change me back, you fucking horse,” I growl, glaring at her through narrowed eyes as I swish my new tail back and forth angrily. “Change me back, now.”

Twilight isn’t listening at all to my complaints, as normal. No, she’s walking circles around me with a horn alight, checking me out. “Good bone structure; no deformities,” she mutters. I’m actually surprised that she doesn’t have Spike—or Cyrus, or whatever his flavor of the week name is—down here taking notes. “Earth pony morph... female. Unexpected.” I can almost feel her eyes boring a hole beneath my tail, not that I don’t already have a new one there, but there’s also a tone of disappointment in her voice. “You even have a cutie mark... a question mark. I wonder what it means.”

“Probably being your fucking test subject, or not being understood,” I say in my most deadpan voice possible. “Change me back, now. This feels weird.”

To her credit, she actually seems surprised by just how put off I am by all of this. Her surprise shifts to confusion, and then her ears droop. “I thought you’d be happy,” she answers quietly. “You always complained about not fitting in... about being a third-class citizen. About me owning you. I wanted to pay you for all the help you do.”

I glare at her. “I liked being human, thank you very much.” Cautiously, I lower my ass to the floor and spread my legs to display my newly developed teats. Gesturing at the crotch-boobs and my missing dick, I yell, “In fact, I liked that almost as much as I that not having my fingers and dick stolen from me.” With a snort, I flick my eyes away from her. “Maybe I wouldn’t have minded if you had turned me into a stallion with some warning, but you don’t even tell me what any of your experiments are supposed to do! This isn’t me! How would you feel if I took away your horn?”

As if physically slapped, Twilight flinches away from me. Her stricken expression is almost enough to make me guilty, but then I remember the time her magic lodged an inverted lime in my sinuses. This is her fault, after all. “I-I’m sorry!” she says quickly, her horn lighting up once more.

When she presses her horn against my forehead, however, nothing happens. Her upset expression quickly transforms into one of horror as her magic fizzles and her spell fails. “I’ll fix this right away!” she cries, cantering up the stairway into the library’s private quarters. “Just stay right there!”

( ͡°˛ʖ ͡° ) ~~Anon~~ Aramus ( ͡°˛ʖ ͡° )

Waiting for Twilight in this damn library is absolutely boring. Even if the majority of the library’s shelf space wasn’t dedicated to non-fiction and reference materials, a guy can only read about Equestria’s Indiana Jones rip-off so many times before it becomes more of the same thing. Don’t even get me started on the massive order of vampony novels that just came in that I’m supposed to start sorting, preparing, and shelving right now. Can’t do any of that with hooves anyhow.

God only knows how long that horse is going to make me wait. First she’s gonna have to find a related book in her private collection. She’ll pore over the whole volume in hopes of finding the counterspell. If I’m lucky, it might even be the first book she looks in, though it could still be up to an hour before she can fix me. It’s far more likely that she’ll probably take half a day. Took her a week to fix it when she turned my hair into penises.

Even teaching myself to walk as a pony gets boring. It’s not entirely difficult, what with the rules of magical convenience in effect. The muscle memory’s all there; I just need to stop thinking about it in the middle of a bout of pacing. It helps that there’s already a circular track worn in the floor to practice, even if nobody will explain to me why it’s there. At least I shouldn't have any problems getting anywhere.

Frustrated, I plunk my bottom down on the floor, facing giant wooden bust of some ancient-ass unicorn that Twilight has a lady-boner for. Would that dude have done something so fucking stupid? Would he experiment on a sapient being without waiting for consent? Would he rob that being of its very name?

The library door opens and closes behind me, and hooves on the hardwood flooring echoes behind me. Judging by the weight of the hoofsteps, it’s a stallion. With a glance at the clock mounted by the stairs, I realize that the library doesn’t open for another half hour. “Sorry, sir, the library doesn’t open for another half hour,” I say, not bothering to turn around. “I would be happy to help you at that time.”

“Oh darn, and I was hoping to see that weird ape she k—” The visitor stops mid-sentence, and I hear him come up behind me. “Heeey,” he says in a suave sort of tone. “What’s a cute mare like you doing here?”

Really? You enter the library and see a pony you’ve never met before, and your first response is to hit on him. “Ugh, no...” I mutter in disgust. “I’m just waiting for Twili—”

Wait. I’m basically Twilight’s property, right? Like a dog, any trouble I get into is on her! So whatever trouble I get into, she’s the one who has to live with the consequences. Hmm...

I eye the stallion out of the corner of my eye. For an earth pony, I can’t say he’s bad-looking. He’s a nice light yellow, while his shaggy mane is an almost charcoal color. Judging by the cutie mark—a bone—he’s probably well off as a doctor or archaeologist. And those piercing red eyes! There’s just something so unique about them. He’s definitely handsome.

A quick intake to breath through my nose treats me to a surprisingly attractive, musky scent, amplified by my improved sense of smell. “Oh wow... Definitely a stallion,” I whisper, feeling an unfamiliar sensation between my haunches, like something momentarily pressing outward and retreating.

No... No! I can’t do that; he’s a horse! Isn’t that bestiality? Wait. Why am I hung up on the whole pony thing? He’s a fucking dude! I can’t just fuck a male horse... it’s wrong! Isn’t it? I mean, I like women—human women.

On the other hand... you don’t get the opportunity to experience the other side of things every day. So I’d be losing my virginity to a dude... Something deep inside me insists it’d feel good regardless of it. I’m sure I could convince him to be gentle. Besides... it’s not like I really get any opportunities to get off around here. Just this once can’t hurt...

Fuck it, I’ll let Twilight deal with the aftermath. If I’m traumatized, she can live with it. I didn’t ask for this. “I mean... I’m waiting for a handsome stallion like yourself to show up,” I say, as I smile at him and brush one hoof against my chest. The guy looks positively lovestruck; he can’t possibly say no when he practically has cartoony hearts in his eyes. “How about we head to your place?”

“Oh yes,” he agrees, grinning knowingly. “That sounds positively delicious.”

I rise weakly on my hind legs, finding them trembling, and slightly sticky. “I, um... I’ve never done anything like this before,” I say shyly as we exit the library, my cheeks burning with each word. “Is it far, and... do you mind if I, uh... lean on you as we walk? I’m all quivery with anticipation.”

“I don’t mind at all,” the yet to be named stallion says, sidling up beside me and allowing me to lean against him, “and no, it’s not far at all. In fact, you might even say this trip will go by in a flash.”

Well, the trip doesn’t really go by in a flash, nor is it really short, but it’s certainly quite a blur in my head. I can vaguely recall working our way through the main district of the town and out to a little cabin near the big creepy-ass lookin’ forest that Twilight always says never to go into. In fact, if it weren’t for the fact that Twilight said that one of her friends lived near this forest, I would be mildly concerned that this stallion is going to kill me and wear my pelt. That happens, right?

Regardless, it’s a charming little cottage, surrounded by many little animals. I almost want to ask whether or not he’s a veterinarian, but I have to remind myself that I’m not trying to build a relationship with the guy. It’s a one-night stand meant to piss Twilight off and fulfill my own curiosity, nothing more.

Inside, there are even more animals, as well as a few photographs of another pony. “Um... you’re not married, are you?” I ask, hesitantly pausing at the foot of the stairs as the image of some crazy bitch leaping out of a closet to stab us both crosses my mind.

“Oh, no. That’s just my housemate,” he replies smoothly, turning on the stairs to face me. “I would never cheat.”

Breathing a relieved sigh, I smile and resume following him up. “Ah, so... are you both vets?” Okay, so fighting curiosity isn’t my strong suit. Q.E.D., I’m about to fuck a horse. Hastily, I add, “I don’t mean to pry or anything. It’s just, I saw your cutie mark, and was curious.”

Leading me into a small bedroom taken up by a rather large bed, he shakes his head. “She fancies herself one, but I’m a doctor of a different sort,” he says playfully, winking at me as he taps the bed with one hoof. “You can just call me Doctor Boner.”

I snort with laughter as I climb onto the bed. Dude’s clearly not serious, but I suppose that’s a good thing. If he had answered seriously, I might actually be worried this was a mistake. “Fine, Dr. Boner,” I say with a mischievous smile. “Maybe you can help me with something then...”

The faux doctor’s eyes glint playfully, even as his eyebrow raises in curiosity. “What seems to be the problem, my dear?” he asks, smoothly. “I’ll try my hardest to give an absolutely professional opinion on whatever ails you.”

Laying down on my side, I angle myself so he can just see my pony breasts beneath my leg. “Well, Doctor, I was in the library looking for an anatomy book,” I lie, making it up as I go. “My family was very poor, and couldn’t afford to send me to school, so there were things I never got to learn before my parents passed...” I watch him with half-lidded eyes and let out a gentle purr as I steal a glance of his package when he places his forelegs on the edge of the bed. I can just see the end of his dick peeking out from its sheath. “I started getting urges and strange feelings in my kitty, and I needed to learn more about stallions and mares.”

“Oh dear, we can’t have that!” he replies in mock horror as he clambers up onto the bed with me. “Roll over onto your back, and we’ll just see if we can’t nip that in the bud.”

Like the pet I’ve been so often considered, I submissively roll over onto my back, flicking my tail up to cover myself. “Please, be gentle,” I tease, allowing my tongue to whet my lips in what I hope is a sensual gesture.

If ‘Boner’ noticed, he doesn’t say anything. He instead climbs over top of me, head to tail, treating me to a stunning view of his crotch. Even as his horsecock hangs semi-erect over my face, the blunt end of it just inches away from my muzzle, I’m buffeted by his musky odor and my leaving my head feeling all swimmy. As my breathing picks up in intensity, the black and yellow mottled length twitches appreciatively in response to my breath, inflating with each pulse.

It’s easily as long as my human forearm, I realize with some shame, knowing that compared one of these, I’d have no chance of pleasing a mare with mine. On the one hand, it’s absolutely revolting having another dude’s penis right in front of my eyes, but at the same time, there’s something... exciting about it. This is real manhood... no, stallionhood. So animalistic... primal... Er... no homo.

Startling me out of my bout of cock-worship, he places the tip of his hoof on my stomach and slides it down. It brushes my tail away like a gentle coating of dust, revealing my pert little horse tits to him. “These are your teats,” he says, circling one mammary slowly with his teasing touch before repeating the process on the second. “If you had my children, you’d feed them with milk from these.”

I can’t help but giggle at his tone. He’s being so... hammy about it all, and yet... it works. Maybe the guy’s a professional manwhore, and he’s used to breaking virgins in. Either way, his attempts at making me comfortable with humor are definitely working.

Tantalizingly, he moves on, dragging the tip of his hoof down one of my thighs. “Ah, so you are already self-lubricating.” He peers at me through his legs with a cocky smile, waving one incredibly slick looking hoof at me. “That makes explaining the next part easy enough.”

Placing the slick hoof on the source of my wetness—an amazing feeling that I’ve never felt before shooting through me—he explains, “This is your vulva. It is the external part of your reproductive system. It’s directly attached to your vagina, which—”

“Enough foreplay,” I say desperately, squeezing my haunches together and grinding myself against his hoof. It’s like his very touch is electricity, sending exquisite tremors up and down the length of my back. My pussy just spasms against his hoof, and with every spasm, more pleasure courses through me, that sensation I felt in the library repeating. Is this what they call winking? “I want you to fuck me! Rut me raw like a whorse, Doctor Boner.”

Climbing off of me, he chuckles. “Oh my, somebody must be quite turned on; he didn’t even say please,” he chides in a voice different from the one he’d been using. “Still, how can I say no to one of the most chaotic acts in nature?”

I barely hear him or what he’s saying when I roll back onto my belly. It’s wrong, and it’s sick... but I’ve gotta have it. I thrust my butt into the air, and peer at him over my shoulder. His mottled length is twitching against his belly, teasing me. “I know I shouldn’t want this, but I ne-he-heed your cock!”

“As you insist, little Miss Aramus,” he says, throwing his forelegs over my back. “I think you’ll find that this is totally not homo, just bueno.”

I blink in surprise, hearing my name. How could he... ?

The question leaves my mind as I feel his shaft slide between my thighs. I peer down beneath me and almost wish I hadn’t. The head of his cock is almost as big as one of my hooves; will that even fit?

Boner clearly wants it every bit as much as I do. With each thrust of his hips, he rubs the length of his mare wrecker against my hours-old vulva, smearing it with lubrication and forcing me to moan uncontrollably. I don’t understand how a mare can be so sensitive; he’s just rubbing and it’s driving me crazy, and I feel like I’m about to pop like an overfilled balloon.

Without warning, he grips a length of mane at the base of my neck and tugs just as I feel the head of his monster cock against my vulva. There’s no way it’s going to fit! There’s no... ! With a squelch and a pop, the broad, flared head of his dick parts my lady-lips and forces its way inside.

Like a road flare being lit in the darkness, I’m blinded by the sensory overload rushing up my nerve endings from my groin. A high scream escapes my throat, drool pouring down my chin. It’s like an ejaculation, but magnified throughout my entire body. No, it’s not just that... my entire body feels like cunt. Alluring, sensitive, but accomodating. I feel... amazing.

Even as my vaginal walls futilely clench around the end of his invading girth, I can feel fluid forcing its way around it, spraying my thighs and his balls. “Oh dear,” he teases smugly. “I’ve only popped your cherry and you’ve already cum...”

“More,” I hoarsely plead. “I want more.”

“You’ll certainly not be wanting when I’m finished,” he replies, his voice edging darkly as he forces his cock in as far as he can go with a vigorous buck of his hips.

My insides stretch painfully around his mammoth length, but for all the pain, there is also an indescribable pleasure washing most of it away. With every thrust and retreat, the pleasure assails me in waves, rocking my box and bod like a boat at sea. It’s unbelievably gay, but it doesn’t matter to me at all any more. Nothing matters but the pleasure.

Oh, the pleasure does come, and in great quantities, to boot. With every rock of his hips, the flare of his cock dredges my insides, like a turtle preparing a nest for her eggs. Only, it’s not eggs his dick wants to lay in me... No, it’s his semen... his seed... his thick horse cum... and my womb wants it.

Wryly, I think to myself how I used to think zoophiles back home were. How wrong I was. They aren’t crazy, though; they’re fucking geniuses. Sure, this big guy might split a woman in half, but my god would he ever take her on a wild ride.

After what feels like hours, though it’s probably only a matter of minutes, I feel that near-bursting sensation building up again. Inside of me, too, another pressure is forming. The head of his cock is swelling, making it more difficult for him to either withdraw or thrust, almost like it’s inflating to form some sort of seal... but why would he... ? Oh!

“Yes,” I cry, my tongue lolling about like a sausage. “Just a bit more! Fill me with your cum!” A random thought occurs to me, and, acting on it, I quickly add, “Breed me! Make me your broodmare!”

“As... as you wish!” he pants, again speaking in that other voice, as he releases my mane.

For a quick second, I could swear I hear a snapping of fingers, but I suppose it doesn’t really matter. Mere seconds later, something incredibly hot surges forth from his shaft. That hot feeling as he paints my insides white... is fucking awesome. It’s like I’ve just eaten the most amazing soup... but with my vagina... somehow. I don’t know and I don’t care. My mind is fuck!

Even as his hot cum pools against my cervix and seeps back down the length of his stallionhood, I feel my own climax arrive once more. Unlike the first time, however, it’s not just a road flare; it’s a flat-out brain nuke. Surges of raw electrical glory race up and down every single one of my nerves as my belly fills with the warmth of a sun.

Tears stream unbidden down my cheeks as we both fall over onto our sides. I don’t care that this was a bad idea, nor do I care that a dude’s cum is flowing freely down my thighs. Don’t even ask me how he’s still going or why my belly feels like it does after Thanksgiving feast. Sense is not necessary in fuck-happy land; the only thing that does matter is the feels... and sleep.

( ͡°˛ʖ ͡ ° ) Twilight ( ͡°˛ʖ ͡ ° )

Sitting quietly in her private study in the library, Twilight stared down at the open tome before her, triumph slowly blossoming in her belly. How to Magic, Vol. XI, while grammatically flawed in title, had never failed her before, and it made no attempt to do so today. Memorizing the incantation and magical matrices necessary to properly channel the spell, she allowed herself a smile. “Alright, this reversal isn’t too complicated,” she thought aloud, not caring if Spike overheard.

She gently closed the hardcover book with her hoof, and pushed it aside. Turning away from the desk, her horn glowed as she channeled some magic into a tracking spell. Not that she didn’t trust Anon to not get into trouble; he just didn’t seem to know any better. As the spell discharged from her horn, a pang of curiosity shot through her mind. “Why’s he at Fluttershy’s place?” she wondered aloud. Could he have been making amends for the whole chicken thing when he first arrived?

Shrugging, she put the thought aside and began charging up her long-distance teleportation spell. “Just gotta teleport to where he is and cast it on him,” she said in self-confirmation. Giggling to herself she ran the mental calculations, and began running through the spell matrix in her mind so that she’d come out just feet from Anon. “He’s going to be so happy when I turn him back. I just hope he hasn’t gotten in too much trouble.”

The spell erupted from her horn and enveloped her in a flash of light. The familiar disorientation of being disassembled at the subatomic level and having her very being was displaced came and went with a popping of her ears. For any other pony, such a teleportation would probably backfire the moment they became disoriented, but she was the Princess of Magic, so the sensation was as natural to her as breathing.

She blinked away the after-image of her study as she took in her surroundings. Expecting to find herself on the lawn, or perhaps in the living room, she was startled to find herself in Fluttershy’s bedroom. She looked around in confusion before noting a green pony and a yellow pony snoring beneath the bedcovers.

What? Twilight was certain that Fluttershy wasn’t attracted to mares, yet she couldn’t deny that there Anon was, drooling happily onto a pillow with a yellow foreleg draped over him. Worse, there was a heavy smell of sex in the air. How had he managed to seduce Fluttershy in only a few hours?

“A-Anon!?” she gasped, her wings flared in alarm.

The green earth pony snorted and then half-opened his eyes as his ears perked up. “Hey, Twilight!” Anon murmured dreamily. “Forget about the reversal...” There was a slight giggle from the man-turned-mare. “Do you have any birth control spells?”

Twilight blinked and glanced around once more. No sign of Rainbow Dash or Pinkie Pie... Hay, aside from Fluttershy’s family photographs, there wasn’t a single trace of pink in the room, not even on Anon’s bedmate, negating the probability of a prank. Wait. “What!?”

“Oh, I agree,” the other pony on Fluttershy’s bed said, in a familiar voice. Twilight’s eyes widened as the form rose and twisted, taking on the very inequine shape of Discord. “I’m hurt, Aramus. Did our quarter hour of passion mean nothing?”

Anon’s eyes widened and his ears flattened against his head as he turned to face his bedmate. “What the fuck is that,” he whimpered, looking at Twilight and trembling. “I swear he was a stallion! What the fuck did I fuck?”

The draconequus puts on a hurt expression, and wraps his lion arm around Anon, pulling him into a hug. “What happened to ‘Breed me! Make me your broodmare!’” he said, imitating anon’s now-female voice perfectly.

Anon blushed, and mouthed the words “Help me!” to Twilight.

Before the alicorn princess could respond, however, the bedroom door opened, and in stepped Fluttershy. Twilight looked hesitantly from Discord and mare-Anon to Fluttershy, and, noting the pegasus mare’s unimpressed expression, decided that taking a step back might not be the worst idea in the world.

Fluttershy took in a deep breath, and Twilight was almost certain that the timid pegasus’s assertive streak was going to make a reappearance in the form of a world-shattering tirade. “Discord,” she said reproachfully, but not losing her calm. “What have I told you about having sex with strange mares in my bed?”

An ashamed look filled Discord’s eyes, and he looked away muttering something.

A sensual smile crossed the usually timid mare’s muzzle, and she nodded. “That’s right... at least invite me.”

Twilight’s eyes widened and she shared an audible, “What?” with her familiar.

“What is even happening to me?” Anon muttered, tears in his eyes. “How is this my life?”

An eagle paw brought itself up to the man-mare’s lips suddenly, and Twilight watched in bafflement as the draconequus leaned down and nuzzled her familiar between the ears. She could just make out Discord whispering something, but for the life of her, she didn’t know what it meant. “No homo.”

Author's Note

This is incredibly fucking silly, and if you've gotten this far, I congratulate you. Beyond the stupid idea to write this, I don't know why it even exists.

I want to thank Nobody/Nobby for the permission to write this and use a portion of his comic strip as the cover art. Without those three pages, I probably wouldn't have written this... and I apologize if this monstrosity confuses you. I'm every bit as confused.

So far, this has only been through a single edit pass, but that'll change eventually.

I hope you enjoyed this, and I regret nothing.

Bonus: I have placed some references in this story. See if you can spot them.

Extra Bonus: If this piece of insanity gets a positive enough reception, I might just write a short aftermath chapter, just for more "WAT" factor.