MASH: Put to the Test

by Andrew Joshua Talon

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Sex, Human, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 2341

Humanized lemon take on "A Bird in the Hoof". Rainbow Dash/OC Guard

Humanized take on "A Bird in the Hoof". Rainbow Dash doesn't like being ignored-Especially not by some stiff guard. But she's got ways of making him relax...

Published 2012-04-25 01:54:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-25 01:54:01 UTC

Chapter 1

My Average-Sized Human: Put To the Test

By Andrew J. Talon. Written with permission from The Sage of Toads

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan-based work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro and the creation of Lauren Faust. Please support the official release.

Author's Note: Collaborating with The Sage on MASH left us with a lot of unused story concepts and ideas. I've decided to present one to you here. It will be my first clopfic, and may not be my last if there is sufficient interest in me writing more.

As though you guys need a lot of encouragement to ask me to write smut. ;p

Anyway, standard warnings apply: This is a lemon fic involving sex between a male and female, and is almost entirely consensual. You can pick up your torches and pitchforks at the shop in the lobby.

This is set during "A Bird in the Hoof".

Royal Guard Zero was positioned alone outside the Mayor's office, still, alert and focused. His comrades in arms had flown off to investigate the disappearance of Princess Celestia's pet pheonix, and so it fell to him to keep an eye on the Princess while she talked with the Mayor of Sunnyville. It wasn't as though the Princess needed protection-She was a living goddess, after all. No, their duty was more crowd control and to protect those citizens nearby from harming themselves. He himself had had to stop an errant assassination attempt or two-Terrible misguided and both committed by the mentally unwell. One Winged Folk had confused the Princess for a fire breathing marshmallow, after all.

Aside from these distractions, the job was relatively uneventful. Except for Folk like a certain rainbow-haired, blue winged Winged Girl who had taken to hanging around. She was the holder of the Element of Loyalty (her name unfortunately escaped him at the moment) and thus to be treated with respect. However, he wasn't going to break the rules about his reactions while on duty for anyone, not even a hero of Equestria.

Said hero was nearby, watching him carefully with a determined look on her face. She had tried making faces, scary noises, and even some rather amusing insults. Now, as she flew down in front of him, Zero could only wonder what she had in store this time.

The look in her scarlet eyes was... Calculating, as she opened her wings and fluttered around his stock still form, arms behind her back.

"So...just hanging around, huh?" She asked. Zero, naturally, didn't respond. She hummed thoughtfully. "Do you move for anything?"

Again, Zero replied with silence, emulating a statue. The girl rubbed her chin.

"Even if..." She looked to the side with widened eyes. "OH MY GOD IT'S A STAMPEDE!"

Zero would have smirked, had he not had perfect control. So he remained at his post. The girl hummed.

"Huh...not a lot of people around... No one's looking, you know~," she said with a naughty little grin. Zero tried to ignore her, reciting a song from his childhood in his head as she leaned her face in close and took a deep breath.

She then fluttered upside down in front of him, wings beating like a hummingbird. Her eyes bored into his. Her face then brightened.

"Oh! I know!" She took off like a bullet, zooming away. Zero glanced after her, but returned his eyes to ahead of himself a moment later. He resigned himself to the fact she'd be back with some new distraction...

And back she came, in a hooded sweater and shorts. She had a coy look on her face as she fluttered in front of him.

"Since everyone in Sunnyville is otherwise distracted~. Let's have a little fun," she said with a grin. "I'll try to make you react. And if you do...well..." She unzipped her hoodie and slowly shimmied it off her wings and shoulders, revealing that underneath she wore... Nothing.

Not nothing, Zero's brain quickly corrected. Just a tiny, red and white striped string bikini that just barely covered her nipples.

"You get," and here she ran her hands down her svelte, thin body. Her breasts were small but that had never been Zero's particular kink-She was like a smooth panther of the skies, absolutely perfect. "All of this."

More than her body was her confidence-She knew just how to stand and speak to make a sweat break out on his forehead.

No... No... Must not react... Must not react... You're stronger than this... Zero thought to himself desperately.

"Huh," she said thoughtfully, tapping her chin while her other hand rested on her muscular hip. "...you should get something if you don't react...well...what good is incentive for that?" Her face was a study in mock surprise, and she turned around with a grin. She bent over and slowly, torturously pulled her shorts down, revealing a tight, perfectly shaped ass barely covered by a matching bikini bottom.

"Come on, you know you want to do something. Anything~," she purred, turning around and fluttering right up to him. Her small chest touched his, and he was quite sure she could feel his beating heart.

All the same, his training held even as his own wings threatened to rise as they filled with blood... As did other parts of Zero's anatomy.

"Perfectly still, huh?" She asked, breathing deliberately onto his neck. She rubbed herself up against Zero, and it occurred to him that he could wrap his arms around her and trap her without any effort.

No... No... Not reacting... Duty, think of duty, not the insanely hot Winged Girl in front of you...

She rested her hand on his chest, and ran it up and down. "You seem awfully hot in that armor, you've broken into a sweat." She gave him a naughty smile that Zero desperately tried to replace with an image of his grandmother in a swimsuit.

It failed miserably. Not that he was hot for his grandmother, of course, but the girl just flat out destroyed any attempt to keep his attention off her. Especially when she fondled him through his pants. He managed to avoid sucking in a deep breath but by the Sun and Moon...!

"Hmm...I know something is reacting right now," she said with a little grin, her blue wings fluttering excitedly. She grasped his hardness through his trousers. He gritted his teeth behind his lips.

"I'll let this slide, because I know you can't help it," she said conversationally, as she stroked him gently. She looked back up into his eyes, giving him a little wink. "Because you know, handsome, I don't usually brag about this but..." She ran her tongue over her teeth. "I have an amazing mouth."

Zero scanned his peripheral vision. There was no one else nearby the Mayor's residence but they were still in the middle of town. Anyone could just turn a corner and see them... Which just made his dick throb angrily against her hand.

"I don't have many guys who can attest, but every girl I've licked out? They screamed, and they squirted. Even when they thought they couldn't." She smiled and kissed his chin, letting out an erotic sigh as her hand squeezed him through his trousers.

Oh Celestia's tits, she's bi too?! Zero thought frantically.

"I mean...but imagine how good my mouth would feel, on your cock...right..." She unbuttoned his fly, "...now." She unzipped the zipper.

No, no, can't do anything, can't do anything... If Celestia catches us she'd fire me and blacken my name forever... Zero thought frantically, even as his hips pushed forward a little. The girl reached into his boxers and fished him out, her eyes growing wide in genuine surprise.

"Wow... You're huge," she said softly, stroking his naked cock gently.

"Hhh..." Zero exhaled. He concentrated on not moving, trying to imagine himself as a statue. The Winged Girl licked her lips.

"Hehe...it's unfair, here I am, exposing you...fair is fair, right?" She pushed aside her bikini's cups, revealing her hard nipples to him. As she settled down on her knees, her wings fluttered in her own excitement. "Ohh...this is going to stretch me so wide."

Part of Zero's mind blasted him. If he'd just told her to move along, if he'd just bent the rules, he wouldn't... He wouldn't...!

She examined his cock closely, gently pumping the shaft, before she opened her mouth and swallowed up the head. The Winged Girl looked up at him, her rose-colored eyes narrowed mischievously, before she began to blow him.

The element of Loyalty was known as a bit of a blowhard (No pun intended), but in this she was utterly factual: Her mouth WAS amazing. She took as much of his shaft as she could, and pulled back, coating it in her saliva, before going back and forth, working her tongue all over it. She applied just the right amount of suction, that nearly weakened Zero's knees to the point of bending them.

"Hhhh... Hhhh... Hhh... Hhhh..." He breathed, deeper than he wanted, as his fists clenched slightly.

She worked him over for what seemed like forever, before she pulled back. "Mmm...to think, Celestia's in there right now..." *She went back down on him, making lewd slurping sounds with her mouth. Zero's eyes looked up at the heavens, as he tried not to think of what his Princess would think if she caught him being blown by the Holder of Loyalty!

She pulled away again, licking her chapped lips. "Oh man, imagine if she came out, right now. Do you think she'd be mad or..." She licked the tip, "She'd want to join the fun~?"

Zero's dick twitched, almost violently. He was close, so close...

Tortuously, she pulled away. Zero barely resisted the urge to grab her short hair and fuck her face until he was satisfied.

"Mm...you're really close," she purred. "And you haven't even budged! You are good. But I don't lose. So...I'm going to have to make you react right now."

She pushed down her bottoms, and spaced her feet apart so they stopped at her thighs. She then reached down and began to finger herself right in front of him, her juices dripping down her hand. Zero's mouth was totally dry as he watched this, thoughts of duty quickly fleeing his mind.

"Hnnn...I am so hot right now..." She looked down and began to stroke him. "But let's take care of that, right now."

She then turned around, bent over, lined herself up, and impaled herself on his cock like it was a wall-mounted dildo. She let out a sigh, and so did Zero: She was like a tight, hot wet fist squeezing around his dick, and frankly it took all of his willpower to just stand up straight.

"Mm... Mmph," she grunted, thrusting back against him to take him in deeper. Zero's hands rested on her tight ass, and his hips moved against hers, thrusting into her tight snatch with a small amount of force. He saw her grin triumphantly as she looked back at him.

"H-Haaa...! I winneeehhhhh~!" She cried out as he took hold of her hair and pulled back, which was just to get his hand around her mouth. His other hand held her hip as he fucked her hard, his hips slapping into her tight bottom hard enough to sound like he was spanking her.

"Mm! Mm! Mmm! Mmm!" She grunted happily through his hands, giving him a smoldering look back over her shoulder as she licked his hand.

He didn't care anymore. Princess Celestia could be watching for all he cared.

Her eyes rolled back as her tight hole opened up to take his full length. It took a few thrusts, but soon her was burying himself to the hilt in her taut box.

"Uhn! Yeah! Yeah~! Just like tha-aahh~!" She gasped through his fingers. She clapped her hand over his and bit down to muffle her scream as the hard thrusts over her G-Spot brought her to a soaring orgasm. This just made Zero pound her harder, and both of his arms wrapped around her stomach to fuck her furiously.

"Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! I'm c-cumming! I'm cumming!" She breathed desperately before she bit her hand again and screamed. She squirted all over the cobblestone beneath their feet. Zero wished he'd had three hands, but he settled for his wings to try and muffle his loud groan as he came inside her hot pussy.

"Ungh! Ungh...!" He groaned. The Holder of Loyalty's eyes became half-lidded as she pushed back against him, the pulses of her orgasm still echoing through her.

"Mmmm... Hnnn," she moaned softly.

"So yeah, anyway," the voice of a Sunnyville resident said nearby. Zero's eyes widened, and he looked for cover somewhere-Anywhere.

"Up there," his partner managed to whisper, pointing up at a cloud. Zero grabbed her and flew them both up to it, landing atop it just before they heard the pedestrians enter the square.

There, the two held each other and listened.

"I told them, oatmeal? Are you crazy? Who puts oatmeal in cookies? That'd be like putting grain in cookies!" A bright, cheerful voice said.

"Darlin', flour is grain," a rural accented female voice said in bemusement. "Ah mill some of it mahself!"

"Oh yeah? Then why does it come in a different package huh? Huh? How do you explain that?" The first voice asked. The second voice sighed.

"Pinkie Pie, yer in a class by yerself."

"I sure was! But that's because my teacher didn't like me trying to paint with explosives..." The two voices trailed off as they left. Zero let out a sigh of relief, as the Holder of Loyalty giggled.

"Oh... Wow... Glad I kept this nearby," she said with a laugh. "Ha..."

"Yeah," Zero said with a sigh. "I'm Zero, by the way..."

"Rainbow Dash," she replied with a smile.

Well, there goes my credibility on this website...