Flash Sentry had Balls of Steel
"Now be careful, Flash. It's cold out, and I haven't yet figured out the counterspell." Cadance waved a hoof to him. "I don't want you to get, erm, frostbite."
"It shouldn't be a problem, ma'am! I should have looked twice before eating the cookie. I had no idea it was, erm... laced with... what was it? Poison joke?" Flash blushed and hobbled away, making a muffled clanking sound as he did so and wincing with every step. "What... nevermind."
Cadance looked away. "Please, please don't tell anypony. Shining... nevermind." She fluttered her wings and closed the door. "Just please, stay warm. I'll send a guard for you when I have the counterspell figured out."
Flash nodded and continued his hobbling way through the cold corridors of the castle and down the steps. Staff gave him odd looks which he tried to ignore, but there wasn't any way he could hide the noise he made while he walked anymore.
If only he could make it home, he had a coil water heater imported from Canterlot that would keep him toasty warm through the cold Crystal Empire night. He only hoped that Cadance could come up with a counterspell before morning.
His jimmies were already feeling bruised, and the added weight was making him ache in ways that no stallion should ever have to feel. Groin centric agony was the least of his worries, however, if he got frostbite on the way home...
Just the thought of it set his wings to shivering.
"Maybe I can fly home?" But one glance at the banners flapping in the breeze said that higher level turbulence would likely have him dropping up and down like a ball on the end of a string.
And the thought of his balls doing the same thing...
"Nope. Can't do that." Already the chill was getting to him, and his normally robust pegasi resistance to cold found his one weakness.
"Damn you, Twilight Sparkle! Why do you have to send such delicious looking cookies to your brother! I couldn't resist taking a nibble!"
Only, the cookies had been sent to Cadance. Their smell had called to him from down the hallway, and he had been powerless to resist taking a nibble.
Luck had it that Cadance came around the corner at the same time and saw him taking a bite.
Her look of horror flickered through his mind once more, followed by her husband's swift rebuke. Shame set his cheeks aflame again, but Cadance hadn't blamed him, and said she would talk Shining Armor down from his angry assignment of latrine duty. He doubted it would happen... Shining was still plenty peeved from the move he'd made on Twilight after her return.
That is not something I would ever want to have happen again. A brother's fury at his advances had been bad enough, but a commanding officer's lambasting for hitting on royalty combined with a brother's fury had sent him on solo patrols around the city for months.
Resigned to latrine duty, with a nutsack full of cold misery, and a growing, terrible ache from his loins on down, Flash Sentry continued his hobbling way home.
"Maybe I should have asked for a blanket," he groaned, his nethers completely numb. A quick look at the boys said they weren't darkening... That's good. Still, every move he made sent a lance of numbness through his gut.
"Heat... not too fast." A moment's fiddling had the ancient coil heater burbling. He stood with his rear to the heater, tail lifted out of the way and hoping that the nosy Ms. Prissy wasn't going to choose that night to snoop through the blinds. He would never hear the end of it from his landlord.
"Why's she got to try and get under my flank like she does?" Prickles of heat started winding their way across his rump, but not fast enough. The numb feeling spreading from his nuts was spreading faster in the warmth of his house. "Why? Why does this make no feathering sense?"
He stamped a hoof, and immediately regretted it as the steel balls clacked together rather loudly and sent a sharp spear of pain lancing from tail to sternum.
Sucking in a breath, he settled his hackles and wings back down.
"Buckit... that hurt. Sweet Celestia, please take kindness on my poor balls of steel." He backed up further, and the prickles and the numbness grew more pronounced.
He backed up one last step, heard a clank that was far louder than the ones he was used to, followed by a piercing whistle.
Sweet Celestia...
The heat intensified a thousand-fold, searing into his flesh.
Then the screaming started.
"...heard him screaming in his apartment. Bloody murder, it sounded like. Then it stopped. But there was still that awful whistling noise."
What's going on?
"I'm glad you called us, Ms..."
"Prissy. I'm the landlord here. Will he be... alright?"
"Well..."
Flash tried to open his eyes, but something was covering them.
"It's not pretty down there, ma'am. But we'll do what we can." Hooves clomped closer, ringing on bare crystal.
That's odd... don't I have a rug?
"Crystal Needle, please... this poor bastard's been through enough."
"I'm not sure... I mean he's not awake, and—"
"'M awake..."
"Shit! Crystal, do it! Don't let him feel—"
Pain like he'd never known, but somehow familiar, tore up from his groin, clawing its way up his gut to his brain like a fire.
A lesser jab, nothing next to the pure white heat in his loins, presaged darkness... blissful darkness.
"Flash Sentry?"
The voice intruded on the inky darkness cushioning him, keeping him safe from... what?
"Flash?" The voice, definitely female, continued on. "He should be coming around soon. The meds should be flushed out of his system by now."
"Good..." Another voice, male. Familiar. Why? "Can you give us a few minutes alone?"
"Of course, my prince. Just ring the bell if you have need of anything."
"Cap—" That's not right. "My p-prince?"
"Shh. Relax, Flash. You're doing okay, but I wanted to be here first, to apologize..."
"Apologize?" Flash tried blinking his eyes. A white face came to him, familiar and concerned. Shining Armor was never concerned when he was around Flash. "Sir, what's wrong?"
"Calm down, but I do have to say... I would have let you marry my sister before I saw this happen to you. No stallion..."
Should I be panicking now? I feel like I should be panicking. "No stallion what?"
"I'm not sure how to say this..." Shining shook his head and shuffled his hooves. "When you got home, six nights ago, you had an accident and the relief valve on your heater got snapped off."
What was I doing six nights ago? Drinking at the bar? Wait... "Six nights?"
"That's how long you've been out. The doctors did what they could, but..." Shining Armor looked away and fiddled with the IV stand beside the bed. Whatever he wanted to say was locked away behind that shifting gaze.
"But what?" Flash pressed. Whatever was holding back his panic started to fade, and his heart began racing. "Sir, what? What happened?"
"Flash... at least you can say what no stallion ever will be able to."
"You had balls of steel."
