Chapter 1: A Month Early, Still Took Too Long
Celestia sighed to herself, laying contentedly at ease in her bed chambers. She rolled over to stare languidly up at the ceiling, dreading the very notion of having to go out to court. More so than was usual, that is. The fact that the desire to go and do something a little different hung in her mind, made the feeling all the worse.
I… wish something fun would happen, Celestia thought, surprising even herself. Her hooves stretched out lazily from where she lay on her side, and shifted anxiously.
Nothing big… she continued. Maybe just a dragon trying to roost in one of the nearby mountain ranges? Or a small parasprite infestation? Just… well, anything to get me off my hooves.
Celestia studied the far wall for a moment, then sat up with a huffed out breath. “Honestly, Celestia, there’s no such thing as a small parasprite infestation. And you should be ashamed for even thinking about wishing for a little excitement at somepony else’s expense.” Unable to bear sitting still any longer, she stood up, and her hooves began carrying her to and fro around the room, pacing.
Celestia exhaled another tense breath of air. “Still… I wish something would happen… Something fun… perhaps Luna would be interested in going to the ski resort agai—”
Before she could finish, Celestia interrupted herself with a gasp of surprise while in the middle of pacing back across her room.
Yellow eyes stared down at her from the shadows of her room, unevenly sized and filled with a crazed look. They both were just above head level. “Oh, why hello there, Celestia,” the disembodied eyes greeted in a deep, amused sounding voice. “How are you this holiday season?” The voice began chuckling as if it had said something incredibly funny.
Celestia had raised a hoof to her front just to slow her heart, which now beat a hundred miles an hour from sheer surprise. “Discord!” she breathed, then calmed herself and gave the draconequus a quaint, ghost of a smile. “You scared me…”
“Oh, my apologies, Sunbutt,” Discord’s voice mocked, which was followed by a wide grin appearing below the two eyes. Just after that, the rest of him apparated out of thin air, as well.
Celestia cleared her throat, keeping her expression even, and ignored the teasing remark referring to her bum. “What are you doing in my private chambers?” she began quietly, still smiling gently.
Discord was upside down, hanging from the eaves of Celestia’s canopy bed by his tail. “What, can’t I just drop in and visit to say hello to one of my favorite not-so-little ponies now and then?” He put on a sad look; a very unconvincing, sad look.
“Well,” Celestia began politely. “Certainly not… I don’t mind you visiting at all, Discord. But, I do mind that you decided to just pop up unannounced. And in my bedroom, no less.” To get her point across, she began tapping a hoof on a stone part of the floor.
Scarily enough, at Celestia’s words, Discord’s eyes lit up with a mischievous light. “Pop up in your chambers, you say?”
Celestia finally let her smile dissipate, noticing the intense warning expression that had appeared. “Yes, you can’t just spy on me and then show up like this, Discord. It goes against our agreement.”
Discord lost his eager look, and his eyes slowly lost their glimmer. “Hm, I knew I should have used a kazoo orchestra to announce my arrival,” he muttered.
Celestia watched as her uninvited guest chuckled again, then flipped around to land on the floor, where he began to pose as though he were ballet dancing.
“Discord…” she said warningly.
“But Celestia!” Discord perked up, eyes widening in a look of shock. “How could I resist?” He grinned then, walking stiff legged in a circle around the circumference of the room. “It’s simply that, unless I miss my guess, I believe somepony within this very room said the magic word? What was it again…” He puffed out his bottom lip in a thoughtful look, tapping it with one claw. A moment later and he snapped his paw—somehow—and said, “Of course, how could I forget. The magic word is fun!”
Immediately, a ring of bouncing, miniature Pinkie Pies began encircling Discord’s head. He let out a deep chuckle at the sight of them, then began popping them like tiny balloons with one claw. “Really, you have nopony to blame but yourself,” he finished.
Celestia did her best to keep from sweating. “Well, yes, I guess I did, but that doesn’t excuse you.”
Discord turned to face her, grinning, then poofed out of sight. “Oh, come now, Celestia, don’t be such a spoil sport,” his voice echoed, the rest of him nowhere to be seen.
A moment later, and the jingling of bells caught Celestia’s ears, which swiveled around behind her to follow the sound. She turned, only to find her entire room suddenly overbearingly festive.
“Why are you such a grinch, hm?” Discord said. He laughed uncontrollably. “Maybe this will help to raise your holiday spirits!” Wreaths, blinking lights, a snowman, two pinetrees and a sleigh hanging from the ceiling had filled the wide bed chambers.
Celestia was stunned. She was about to reprimand the mischief maker, but instead quirked a curious eyebrow at the strange decorations. They somewhat seemed intended for Hearth's Warming, such as the candy canes, but she was unfamiliar with some of them. Not only were they peculiar, but at least a month early.
It was still November.
Celestia always found it odd when some ponies would start celebrating Hearth’s Warming months in advance… Luna even seemed to find it downright annoying.
“Discord, you know you aren’t permitted to use chaos magic around other ponies, much less in the Capitol.”
“Oh, please, this is harmless.” Discord blew a raspberry at her. “And besides, it is the season of giving, isn’t it?”
Despite the molestation of her room, Celestia knew she mustn’t become frustrated. After all, she told herself. You are a very patient mare with a thousand years of experience with politicians. Discord in many ways is not as bad.
Still, something he had said something had piqued her interest.
“Season of giving? Hearth’s Warming is about togetherness, love, and understanding, Discord,” Celestia corrected.
Discord looked at Celestia with wide eyes, then shook his head. “Oh, right, silly me. That’s elsewhere…” Sighing, he floated down to the ground, snapping his paw again and removing the strange, giant trees, oddly wrapped birthday gifts, and other decorations. “Still… love isn’t so bad.” A glimmer appeared in his eye again.
“In any case,” Discord went on, his smile renewed. “I am keen on helping you out, Tia.”
Celestia would have facehoofed if it wouldn’t betray just how at odds she felt right then. Instead, she smiled politely again and tilted her head slightly, never letting her calm slip. “Discord, it’s been a long day, and I just want to rest. Thank you for thinking of me, but you should go.”
Discord began clicking his tongue and shaking his head. “Tiaaaa, you just told me about the meaning of this holiday time we’re in. Togetherness, if I recall correctly. And I’ve never experienced a Hearth’s Warming before, myself… and here you are trying to get rid of me?” He looked up, sadness and hurt painted all over his face. “I’m wounded beyond words, my dear! I thought after knowing each other for so long we’d be good friends now. What with me being rehabilitated and all.”
Celestia deadpanned, at just a little bit of a loss for words. It was a very convincing act, certainly, but spying his crossed talons in a stand mirror spoiled it. Before she broke decorum and rolled her eyes, she managed to inhale and say, “Discord, I am filled with delight that you would care so much, but really, I must ask that you go.”
The words hung quietly in the air while Celestia sat.
Discord’s attention was stuck on the nearby fireplace, glimmering warmly in the evening twilight. He smirked after a brief moment’s pause and muttered something that almost sounded like, “Oh, not yet you aren’t…”
Celestia blinked. She had almost thought that maybe he was upset. “Discord, did you say something?”
Discord coughed and looked up, but otherwise ignored the question. “Celestia, if I didn’t know better, I would say you were teasing me.”
Celestia blinked again, her muzzle scrunched back. “Me? Tease you?” She smiled, and laughed in earnest. “I promise I’m not, Discord. You’re far too much of a challenge to tease.”
Discord smirked again, a paw resting under his goatee. “Acting coy, then, perhaps?” He inhaled a deep breath. “In any case, you said you wanted to have a little fun, my little Tia. How much fun would you like to have?”
Oh dear, I do hope I won’t need to get ahold of the girls or Fluttershy. Celestia coughed, and chose her next words carefully, simply not wanting to give Discord too good of an opening to pass up, so to speak.
“Discord,” Celestia began. “Would that I could stop and have some fun… but I was being facetious, not serious. Besides, I’ve had plenty of fun today already, with my subjects and the Elements of Harmony. Why, if you were in my sollerets for but a moment, you would understand.” She smiled gently again, although it was now more of a facade covering her nervousness than anything else.
Discord blinked, wide-eyed, and looked very surprised at what he had been told. At least, Celestia thought it looked like surprise.
Chuckling, but confident she had her nervousness hidden, Celestia added, “Now, I’m not going to have to call Fluttershy here to show you who’s boss, am I?”
Discord stared, then smiled. He turned and walked towards the balcony at the far end of the room, staying quiet.
It was Celestia’s turn to blink, a bit wary that he hadn’t made a comeback; he always made a comeback. Her nervous feeling increased. “Discord?” she intoned. “Perhaps that was a bit impolite of me to warn you like that, but please understand, it is late.” After a pause, she added, “And besides, it isn’t even the holiday season yet.”
Abruptly, a throaty laugh from Discord broke the quiet of the air. “Haha! Oh, it’s quite alright, Celestia. I did break your no unannounced visits rule, I suppose.” He laughed deeper, then turned about again, raising his paw. “But, I should in fact be thanking you for that threat.”
There was an unmistakable quality to his voice, with those words. Beneath them was an air of… mischief.
Celestia already knew something was coming, and lit up her horn in preparation for the worst. As discreetly as she could, she sent a pre-made, emergency letter to Twilight while Discord’s back was still turned. “Discord… Please, don’t do anything rash.” She whisked the letter away immediately after she said this.
Discord turned about and tilted his head slyly, then smiled in a smooth and polite fashion, not very in keeping with his usual demeanor. “Oh, nothing of the sort, Celestia. What I in fact have in mind is nothing but… getting in the spirit of the holiday.”
With that, he snapped his fingers. A white light flash washed through the room, filling it to the very brim.
Celestia, totally blinded, reared back on reflex and yelped. She felt the carpet slide out from under her hooves and then the cold, stone floor rushing up to meet her bum as she fell down.
“Discord!” she yelled, all while trying to clear her vision. “What have you done? I swear that—” Growling, she bit back her angry words, forcing herself back into calm. It’s fine, Celestia. Whatever it is he’s done, it’s nothing a few spells and some work can’t fix. She took a deep breath, just as her sight began to unblur itself, and the after image of the white flash dissipated.
The first thing to come into focus was the room itself.
The second thing Celestia saw, grinning down at her, forced her heart up into her throat.
Standing there, right before her, was herself.
“What in the name of Harmony?” She bit back the words as soon as she said them; she had sounded like somepony else that was all too familiar. “What happened to my voice!? Discord!?”
Celestia’s eyes widened in panic as she looked down, locked onto the body she was currently in. Only, in a huge twist of fate, it wasn’t her body. Sitting on the floor, rather than her pristine, white coated alicorn shape, was the mismatched parts of several different creatures put together. Celestia was now Discord… somehow.
She was now a he, and he was now a she.
“Hohoho!” Discord laughed, and in Celestia’s chiming, harmonic voice. “Merry Christmas!” She snapped her hoof—somehow—and suddenly a red hat with a poofy white ball on the end appeared atop her head.
Celestia looked up, teeth gritted and glaring death. Merry-what? “Discord, what did you do!?”
Discord barely paid Celestia any mind, instead looking over himself, or, as it was now the case, herself. “My, my, I look absolutely, positively sexy right now…” She trotted over to a tall stand mirror against the wall, and began posing in a lude fashion. And, for whatever reason, she was wearing striped socks. “Oh, I am a card!”
Celestia recoiled back, blinking, caught completely off guard by the remark. “D-Discord. I demand that you return me to my body right away, and that you return to yours, as well, or else! You know I won’t stand for this—”
Discord’s laugh, which was now Celestia’s, rang out into the room. She immediately smiled a wide, toothy grin and ceased her booty-shake in front of the mirror to canter in a lively way towards Celestia. Celestia’s eyes couldn’t escape those absolutely adorable socks, particularly how well they went with her curves. A note was taken for when he got control of his body back. “Tia, Tia! This is nothing like that. Come now, I know you love a little mischief now and then, and you said yourself you wanted to have some fun…”
Celestia narrowed his eyes, backing away. “This isn’t what I had in mind, Discord.” Despite the deep, male sound of his current voice, he managed to press on. “How could you do this? I’ve sent for the girls, they’ll be here any minute.”
Discord leaned forward to rub Celestia’s chin and goatee, lips pursed in a cute way. “Oh, Tia, that wasn’t necessary, but it will add to the fun!” She laughed again, clapping her hooves together, then looked down at them with an ear to ear smile. “My, this body is simply a treat, just like you!”
Celestia’s withering look deepened, but along with it, was the sense of dread he had in his gut. He had a feeling he knew what was coming. Worse, he had no idea how to use his magic—which was currently Discord’s chaos magic—to stop it.
“You’re going to tell them whatever they want to hear and make them think that I’m you, aren’t you?” He smirked. “Well that won’t work, Discord. There are safety spells in place, and the Elements used on me will just return me to normal—”
The rich, hearty, and feminine laughter from Discord cut off Celestia. “Oh, Tia! Come now, always so serious. This is nothing like that. I assure you…” She trailed off, a sudden… sultriness entering her voice.
Once again, Celestia was caught off guard. “W-What?
Slowly, Discord began to approach the draconequus, hooves sliding across the carpet. She spoke again once she was but an inch from Celestia. “In truth, I do just want to learn about what you spoke of… Togetherness, understanding… and love.” She winked, and leaned in without pretense to kiss Celestia square on the mouth.
Celestia’s yellow eyes widened in panic, then pushed off the alicorn taking advantage of him. “D-Discord!? What are you doing?”
Discord sat back hard on the floor and began laughing uproariously. “Oh! You should have seen the look on your face, Celestia! Haha! Priceless!” She fell over, beating one hoof on the carpeted floor repeatedly.
Celestia wiped her mouth off with one arm, staring in disbelief at what she was seeing. Was that his tongue? Did… did he just Prench kiss me? Her eye twitched slightly. “Discord, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but I won’t stand for this. Return us to normal at once!”
Discord looked up, her celestial, glimmering mane flowing out behind her on an invisible wind in an elegant way. She looked every bit a member of alicorn royalty with the way she held herself. “No,” she answered simply, wearing a sly smile.
Celestia stammered. “N-No!? What do you mean ‘no’? Fix us both, now! Save yourself the embarrassment.”
Discord rolled her eyes, then also rolled over onto her back, going belly up. “Make me,” she replied, smiling bigger and looking absently and innocently around the room.
Celestia fumed, paw and talon tightly gripped at his sides. “When the girls get here with the Elements—”
Discord interrupted. “Oh, them! Never mind their pesky jewelry. When they get here, they’ll get to join in on the fun, too!”
Celestia’s mouth hung open for a moment until he shut it. He— she’s lost it, he thought. “Look, I don’t know what your angle here is, Discord… Which I will admit, is par for the course.”
Discord tilted her head forward in a grateful nod.
“But,” Celestia continued. “I also don’t care. This might just be a game for you, but it’s still very serious, and there will be repercussions. You know you cannot win, yes?”
Discord hummed and rolled over again to lean on her front hooves, still on the carpet before the fireplace. “Ho hum, I do doubt that… I’m sure I’ll think of something. Several somethings, in fact.”
Celestia furrowed his brow, confused. Before he could speak again, Discord continued.
“Anyway, getting back to the good stuff, Celestia, I’ll tell you my angle right here, right now. In fact, I want you to know what I aim to do. And I’m surprised you hadn’t figured it out already… I’ve only dropped like, six hints.” She chuckled at that.
Discord stood up, wings shifting idly on her back as she did. “Everything you were saying after I arrived gave me a few ideas… The bit about popping, the little mention about touching, and then fetching the girls… It was all just too much to bear!”
Celestia crossed his arms, and nearly growled her response. “Discord, get to the point so you can fix this already.”
Discord smirked, then rolled her eyes. “I’m really not going to, but in any case, all of the cute, adorable, oblivious things you said stirred a few… how should I say it? Yearnings? Desires?” She tapped a hoof against her bottom lip in a demure way. “And oh! This body, goodness! Does it ever feel anxious and sorely ignored, the poor thing…” She winked at Celestia, still smiling. “In any case, you stirred something in me I haven’t felt in ages!”
Celestia swallowed hard, not sure he understood properly what he was being told. “What? I don’t follow you...” But he was afraid he was beginning to.
Discord blinked at the response, then smiled wider. “Don’t you?” She trotted nonchalantly, with a slight skip in her step, across the last few strides separating them, hooves clopping softly on the floor.
Celestia felt a deep, horrible sense of dread building in his stomach.
“Perhaps I should be more forward then.” Discord continued, her eyes half lidded, and leaned in closer to Celestia to whisper, “To be frank, I want to ride you like a racehorse, Tia.”
Celestia eyes widened in horror, a blush covering his entire face. “Y-You what?” he blanched. “But, I’m in your body, and—”
“Is that embarrassment I see?” Discord interrupted, her eyes lighting up with visible excitement. “You like my idea, don’t you? Oh, you’re going on the naughty list this year for sure!”
Celestia’s jaw dropped and hung open, nearly enough to reach the floor. “You’re serious!?” she breathed in disbelief.
A bright flash filled the room, causing Celestia to yelp and recoil in surprise. When she had recovered, Discord was again laughing on the floor, and holding a camera.
Discord held what looked to be a developed photograph between her hooves, which was of Celestia’s slack-jawed look. “Oh, Celestia! You have to stop reacting like that! It’s too funny!” In a second, Discord settled down, merely chuckling. She tossed the photo aside, and her bedroom eyes returned. “Lucky for you, funny and amusing are just my sort of thing.”
Celestia had heard enough, he turned and ran towards the door, not caring if the guards had a panic attack. The feeling of floating in the air and his legs rising above the ground put a stop to the escape attempt. “Discord!” he shouted.
“No, no, that’s Celestia, now,” Discord corrected, an amused smile splitting her face. “Look, it seems you’re less than willing… but try to relax. A little bit of blackmail never hurt anypony, did it?”
Celestia, still hovering in the air and surrounded in a golden glow, floated back towards the middle of the room. “Blackmail?” she asked, her expression aghast.
“Indeed!” Discord responded, wearing a look of joy. “Let’s finally cut to the chase. I know I can’t beat you girls anymore, but it isn’t about that. This is just about some sexy, sexy fun… So you have a choice, you may refuse, or you can play by my rules, one last time. Now, if you don’t play by the rules, Tia, everypony will know about it. And we both know what that could do to your perfect, infallible image, don’t we?”
Celestia scowled, and turned away. “That’s an empty threat. They’ll never believe you. Not a single mare or stallion.”
“Won’t they?” Discord giggled. With that, she slid the earlier picture of Celestia’s shocked look underneath his snout. “I can make a lot more, and make them full video, too! I’ll have you know I’m very good at illegal distribution. Oh, what will the children that get ahold of these think...”
Celestia exhaled in terror, unsure anymore of her options. “You monster,” she cursed.
Discord chuckled. “Oh Celestia, Don’t you see? That’s the best part in all of this.” She then leaned in to lick Celestia’s face, all the way from the base of his neck to his cheek.
“I’m not the monster here, you are!” Suddenly giggling, she began prancing on her hooves in a circle around Celestia, just as a school-filly might.
“Oh my—” Discord stopped herself from the silly dancing she had sprung into. “Funny, being girly seems so natural in your body! I don’t know what came over me there. Whatever the case, it wasn’t you. Hah, get it? Came? That’s foreshadowing if I ever heard it.”
Celestia put on a despairing, helpless look, trying to think of a way out of her current situation.
In return, Discord pouted slightly at the sight. “Oh, please don’t give me that look, Tia… I care so much about you. Especially these days. And In any case, I read your diary, and I know that you have given this some thought. So don’t act so innocent.” From nowhere appeared a little, pink and gold book with a clasp. A pair of reading glasses lowered onto Discord’s snout.
Celestia gasped, and reached out with a paw to try and swipe the book away. “No! Don’t read that! Discord, how could—” His mouth was suddenly tied shut with a ribbon.
Discord coughed, smirking, and began to read. “No interrupting, please! Where was I? Oh yes. Ahem, yadda, yadda, yadda… Twilight has finally stopped wetting the bed… blah, blah, blah, Spike has finally stopped burning the bed.... heh, Rarity is a terrible Element of Generosity… Ahah! Here it is.” She cleared her throat, and turned to look over at Celestia with lust-filled eyes. “And I quote, ‘I really can’t imagine all the ways that those powers of his could be put to good use… but I guess there’s no point in fretting over what will never be.’ Oh, Tia, you hopeless romantic you.”
Celestia let out a muffled scream from his ribbon-wrapped muzzle.
Discord hummed, then poofed the book and ribbon away upon noticing. “Whoops, sorry about that.”
Celestia panted a second, then burst out, “You took that out of context! I… I don’t harbor any such feelings! I had meant to say how you could help ponies! I mean it!” With every word he spoke, his blush deepened. “J-Just fix this, Discord, please!”
Discord smirked again, but shook her head. “No. But, if you’re a good little boy, I’ll at least promise to keep this between us… You’ll have to do a very good job before your little ponies get here, since you already saw to invite them over. How long will they take? An hour? A bit longer if the train is late? Time is ticking, Celestia.” She chuckled, strutting around in a circle, and tapped a hoof against the face of a nearby clock.
As at odds with the proposal of having sex with Discord as Celestia was, all she could think about was the public damage that an advertised encounter with Discord could cause. That, and the current state of their bodies. Though the former worried her far more.
“Can’t we switch back first?” Celestia offered hesitantly.
Discord’s eyes widened again above her wolfish grin. “So that’s a yes! Goodie! And switch? That’s not my style, Celestia! The unexpected, the chaotic, that’s my style.” She cackled heartily, her bedroom eyes returning again. At the same time she tilted her head up at a slight angle, looking up and down Celestia’s mismatched body. “And besides, I’ll be doing it with the most handsome rogue in Equestria, if I do say so myself.”
Her eyes went a little bit lower, then stopped, widening in surprise. “What’s this? Are you standing at attention for me, Celestia? You are naughty.”
Celestia stared back in confusion, before finally following Discord’s gaze. Her glance downward noticed, unbelievably, her budding shame. He immediately clapped both paws over his groin, and winced at the resulting spike of pain produced from it trying to fight it.
“What did you do?” Celestia demanded, stammering.
Discord, in her womanly voice, replied, “Oh, Tia, you’re in full control right now. I had no part in that. Well, not directly, anyway.” She gave a wiggle of her rear to accompany that last part.
Celestia squirmed, filled with distress over her predicament. “I have no idea how this thing works! How do you get it to stop?”
“Old age and certain genital diseases,” Discord replied with a devious smirk. “But we certainly don’t have time for that, now do we? Now chop-chop and drop the—well, you know the rest.”
“I do not! And I really don’t want to do this! Especially if it means with you… being me… in my own body.” Celestia shivered, feeling that twitch down there start up again. “That’s just wrong, Discord! We simply must come to an ultimatum.”
“Tempting… but no. And wouldn’t it be more wrong from the fact you seem to be turned on by the notion of getting jiggy-with-it, with yourself, and as me?” Discord giggled and rolled backward, kicking out her hooves. “That’s both vain and sexually appealing at the same time!”
“No it isn’t!” Celestia insisted. His eyes grew wide as he felt another nudge down there, stronger than before. Discord just winked and gave him a sly grin, which he had to admit looked drop-dead sexy on his own face.
“Come on, Tia. It is often a fantasy of ponies to have sex with one’s self. When you have a body this fine, it shouldn’t come as a surprise.” Discord hopped up and pranced once again around Celestia while sashaying her hips, cackling like a madmare with each bounce. “My plot brings all the stallions to the yard!” she sang. “And they’re like, it’s better than—”
“Shut up! Shut up and let me think!” Celestia clenched his paw, then flinched after he felt his own claws dig into his palm. “Yeeow!”
Discord pouted. “Aww, did my wittle Tia hurt her paw?” she asked, fluttering up before Celestia. Discord fell back dramatically into Celestia’s arms, then peered up and grinned. “You know, we’re so romantic together, the two of us. Oh, and look at that, we’re under the mistletoe!”
Celestia joined Discord’s gaze and noticed red berries hanging from a leafy branch hanging directly above them.
Celestia scowled, at a loss. “What in blazes is a mistletoe?”
Discord took Celestia’s confusion to her advantage and her mouth closed in on Celestia’s unexpectedly, their lips locking together in a kiss. It was sweet for a moment, loving and passionate. Well… only for a moment.
Celestia’s mismatched eyes blew out of proportions when he felt Discord’s tongue invade in his personal mouth space. He was defenseless against Discord’s assault. Her tongue wrapped about his and twisted around it like a snake, squeezing just as strong as well.
Exploring every inch of Celestia’s mouth, Discord’s tongue licked; gums, teeth and even underneath his tongue. Just about every nook and cranny had been explored in less time than it took Celestia to gasp in surprise.
Dislodging in a wet slurp, Discord moved her head back with a smile, then stuck her tongue out at Celestia and winked. “Wow, even without a snake’s tongue, the one your body sports still has some moves, Tia. I would be willing to bet you’ve been waiting to do that with somepony for a long while.” Her eyes traveled down. “And I see that a certain someone is even more excited than before.”
Still holding Discord, Celestia had no way to hide his growing urges. Now it was larger than ever, and seemed to have a mind of its own. Celestia didn’t have one lick of sense of how to control his borrowed equipment; it even seemed to bob up and down on its own accord.
“This isn’t me doing it, I swear!” Celestia said hastily, holding Discord closer as she giggled in his arms. “How do you turn it off? Is there a switch or something? A user manual? Anything?!”
“Oh, my dear Tia, there’s only one way to help with that,” Discord laughed, hopping out of Celestia’s paws. After bending over on the plush carpet of Celestia’s chambers, Discord stuck out her rather large and bountiful plot. “You turn it off by plugging it in… to me, to be specific. Might need to wiggle it around to make sure it’s a good fit. And if it doesn’t work the first time, keep on plugging it in and out until it does.” She looked over her shoulder and smirked. “Do you want me to show you a diagram on how it’s done, hmm?”
“I’m not a foal! I know how this sort of thing goes!” Celestia replied adamantly. The sight of his own rear end shaking left to right, and by Discord of all ponies, turned him on more than he’d like to admit. Oh dear, I’m definitely going to need therapy after this.
“Oh, so Tia isn’t as innocent as she portrays herself to be?” Discord asked with faux shock. “Not quite the benevolent ruler of perfection and ‘holier than thouness’ that everypony prattles on about?” Tapping her chin and bringing Celestia’s diary out again from thin air, she said, “Actually, by account of this here book, I couldn’t be more correct. I really must thank you for documenting every sexual encounter of yours over the years in such vivid detail. Sure made many a lonely night pass by quickly. I really do think you could get published with some of these works.”
“I won’t mention them,” Discord replied back coyly, before adding, “But I could sure make thousands of copies and release them over Canterlot for the entire city to read.” She wiggled her ample flank yet again in a teasing way, eyes glued to Celestia’s nethers. “And the Elements could be the first readers as well, if you don’t hurry.”
Celestia squinted his eyes to closing and groaned, tapping his temples with his fists. He couldn’t just give in to Discord’s demands like this, no matter how much she wanted him to do it. Yet on the other hand… claw… paw… whatever, he couldn’t allow pictures or the contents of his diary to be released. The press coverage on that alone would mean his death, politically speaking, if it ever saw the light of day. So, really, there was only one solution to be had.
“If I do this, you will never blackmail me again,” Celestia stated.
Discord pouted immediately. “Oh, but Tia! That’s no fun—”
“Promise me!” Celestia shouted. “I will tell Fluttershy on you.”
Discord sat up, grinning, with hooves folded neatly in front of herself. “Alright, I promise.”
“Good… then fine, I’ll do it.” Celestia sighed, moving his paw and claw away to fully reveal her pent up, sexual lust in all its lengthy glory.
“Finally! You have to be giving my body the worst case of blue balls right now. At least you caved at long last to my irrefusable advances and charm.” Discord laughed, laying back down on the carpet. “And they said I could never be a politician.”
“One more condition. I’ll do this only with one more condition,” Celestia countered, and climbed atop the bed before laying down on his back. To meet Discord’s surprised face, he had to actually lean to one side just to look past the mountain of meat he sported. “You ride me. I refuse to take the lead in this.”
Discord giggled, or maybe it was a chortle, since it sounded odd being made with Celestia’s voice. Either way, she seductively bit her lower lip in a naughty way, leering at Celestia’s large pride. “Wow, you took that ‘ride you like a racehorse’ comment literally, didn’t you? Doesn’t matter to me, as long as we both have some well deserved fun on this very merry of nights.”
Celestia scowled and groaned in irritation. “Hearth’s Warming isn’t for another month, Discord,” he reminded.
Discord ignored him, but took her cue and trotted over, arriving beside the almost fully erect display of masculine hormones. “Mmhmmm. Somepony’s happy to see me, alright.”
Celestia made another annoyed sound.
“Oh stop it, obviously I didn’t mean you,” Discord giggle, before slinking up to hover over Celestia. She halted there, directly over his rod and gave her rump an appealing wiggle of delight. “You know, I’m surprised right now. You just gave me a dominant position over you.”
“Yes... but you still had to come to me in the first place,” Celestia replied heatedly, her gaze looking off at the far wall—anywhere but Discord, really.
“Oh we’ll see who comes first, Tia,” Discord purred back, leaning lower and lower, until she was snuggling tightly up against Celestia’s chest. “I’ll even start slow, just for you. There, now isn’t this nice?”
Celestia sucked in a ragged breath. “Can we just skip to the… you know. Please? And get this over with?”
“Without a little bit of foreplay?” Discord looked at Celestia in shock. “Oh, no nono, that simply won’t do, Tia, my dear. You’re too special for a simple rutting.” She reached a wing up and dragged its long white feathers over Celestia’s shoulder.
In return, Celestia shot Discord a scowl, before looking back at the wall, which earned a giggle out of her.
“And besides, I can feel we need to build up a bit more anticipation in you!” Discord leaned back a bit and pointed a seductive look southward. “Why, you’re not even at full mast yet…”
Celestia turned, jaw dropping again, before looking around Discord at the thing hovering between their bodies. “That’s not full mast!?” he cried.
Discord tittered, a hoof held to her chin. “No, not nearly.”
Celestia’s yellow pupils shrank. “Buck me.” He really wasn’t sure that even his body could handle all that. Thoughts of some other way out of the situation returned, right before Discord spoke up again.
“Lucky for you,” Discord chuckled huskily. “I know just what to do to help.” With that, she slid one foreleg down and out of sight, leaning in close with a wicked smile. “Just. Like. This.”
“A-AAH!” Celestia’s eyes bulged, and he instinctively bucked at the sensation of a soft touch sliding along his new appendage. “St-Stop that!” His body tensed and he fought to turn away, but was held fast. The uncontrollable sensations from before doubled again, and then even more after Discord leaned closer against him.
Celestia could feel himself harden with every touch and delicate prod from his own soft, sexy body hovering close.
“Ssshh, calm down, Tia.” Discord leaned her face in, grinning devilishly, and nibbled at Celestia’s ears. “Remember our little agreement,” she whispered seductively. “I really suggest you do try and enjoy.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” Celestia murmured back, his claws gripping the bed sheets roughly. “And it feeling good isn’t exactly the hard part.”
“Oh, I’ll say.” Discord giggled again while in the middle of rubbing her cheek up Celestia’s long neck.
The innuendo wasn’t lost on Celestia. “Would you grow up?”
Discord didn’t answer him. Instead, her ministrations on Celestia continued with careful stroking, gentle rubbing and other uncharacteristically sexy and arousing movement from the chaotic being.
Celestia shut his eyes, unable to stand leaving them open. I can’t believe I’ve been weaseled into this. Was this his plan all along? And what’s taking him so long? I wish he’d skip this and get it over wi—ohhhh dear. His world turned upside down, an unmistakable pressure suddenly being exerted on his tip.
Celestia gasped and took in an unsteady breath, looking down on instinct. Discord, at some point, had grasped the shaft of the beastly implement growing from Celestia, and was now sliding its length inside the royal nethers. His royal nethers, which were now Discord’s, which were now soaking wet.
Discord let out a satisfied moan that slowly built in intensity. “I hope—” She sounded as if she was having difficulty speaking. “You were ready for that. Because I wasn’t.” A laugh escaped her as she slid just a little bit further down Celestia’s length.
Celestia winced as he felt his tip dive deeper in.
Discord licked her lips like she had bit off a chunk of a delectable treat, the sensation of penetration setting her body on fire.
“Oh, Celly, who knew you were so well endowed?” Discord giggled, her tongue hanging out. “Or rather, that I am. Ha!”
A little breathlessly, Celestia replied with, “Would you just mind getting this over with? No need to egg me on further. Just sh… sho… shove it in!” Celestia bit his lip, a pulse running up his body to his throbbing length, which was nestled in the warm comfort of Discord’s snatch.
“Awww, but egging’s the best part! That’s where the creamy white stuff comes from, actually.” Discord giggled, the entire head of Celestia’s length now fully enveloped in Discord’s folds. “Oooh, my, my, my, Celestia, you’re sooooooo big! I don’t know if all of you can even fit.”
Neither am I Celestia gritted her teeth, praying her body would come out of things alright. “Are you complimenting me or yourself?” she managed to say.
Discord shrugged, white cheeks awash in a sea of blush. “Well…” Inch by inch, her waist crept closer to reaching Celestia’s, whose massive, pulsing dick almost seemed to be fighting against its advance with girth alone.
Celestia himself was blushing up a storm; the warmness of Discord felt amazing to his new extra bit of male endowment. He was beginning to see why stallions would do literally anything just to get some. Now relatively inside, for better or for worse, he felt no shame in admitting to himself that he felt slightly less desire to take it out.
Only slightly, mind you.
“I’m complimenting what I feel is a good time,” Discord giggled. “Which is with you, myself, each other, then switched around, then with you who is actually me inside myself which is actually you.” She barked out a laugh, barely able to keep herself steady atop Celestia. Not that she needed to for much longer. Her rump wiggled and pushed, sliding an inch or so further.
Celestia groaned in response, hips pushing and body tensing. “Not— funny!” he retorted, all while being driven mad by his throbbing third leg.
Then, just like that, Discord had already reached Celestia’s base, his entire length snug deep into her pussy.
“Oh, mother of me!” Celestia cursed, his head thrashing against the pillows. “How do you live with this thing? It’s like… it’s torture! Why won’t the pressure stop… I thought stallions were triggers when it was this bad!?”
Discord let out a cackle, rocking backward, then forward, relishing just how antagonized her partner was. “About that, I’m not exactly a mere stallion, Tia.” She moaned, long and deep, hooves pressed to Celestia’s chest. “Oh deary me, and as for you, your body is not much better! This ache—oh, it won’t stop! You should give yourself more attention.”
Celestia grunted, ignoring her. Coupled with not only his strange, new extremity’s sensitivity was the fact that it was being squeezed tight by his own—or rather, Discord’s—cooch, which felt increasingly wonderful with each purely unintentional buck of his own hips.
“Make it stop,” Celestia panted. The longing in him for release only grew with each thrust. He didn’t even care about his real body right then, only that he could finish inside it. “Please, do something—”
Discord smiled cruelly, and leaned in to kiss Celestia long, and deep. Her tongue slid across Celestia’s fangs, licking each with a gentle yet firm desire. She bit his lip, not enough to hurt but just enough to Celestia wince. She wanted more of that, he was most certain of that. The heat between their bodies grew, enthralling them both more and more with the unthinkable act they were committing.
Seconds turned into minutes, turned into more still. The royal bed linens became drenched in bodily fluids from both parties, and increasing speed and ferocity from Celestia was met with slow and torturous grinding from Discord. Finally, everything approached what had to be an eventual climax.
Celestia reached out with his claws, grabbing Discord by both forelegs.
“Oh-ho, Tia. Getting rough now?” Discord jeered, panting and bouncing from on top. “Don’t damage the coat, now. That’ll cost you extra!”
With that, Celestia felt something deep and feral break within him.
“Nng—” He clenched his sharpened teeth down with a snap, and began to buck and push harder against the alicorn riding him. “You’re going to pay for this, Discord—somehow!” He could feel what was coming, and it was in fact himself; like a dam holding back a river of molten lava, he was fit to burst from the overflow.
Denial and rage and realization of what was happening had built up to a melting point, and it was then that he had reached a decision.
Discord chuckled, and sighed contentedly. “Yes, yes, I’m sure the Princess of aaall of Equestria will—eep!” Suddenly, she let out a girlish squeal of surprise, and was flipped backward without warning.
Celestia held Discord down against the royal linens, gazing hard into his partner’s eyes. He had still not withdrawn from Discord’s nethers and each second was followed by a heartbeat which in turn made their bond throb. It was eager and hungry for the two to continue, its saliva already having drenched the bed.
“Oh my, oh my, where did this new confidence come from?” Discord giggled, face still shoved against the sheets. “Well, it certainly didn’t come, heaven knows I’m still waiting for tha—THAT!”
Discord’s eyes screwed shut once Celestia thrust forward. The slap of Celestia’s balls against Discord’s clit echoed in the room. It was a wet slap, with just the right amount of oomph from Discord’s end to really add a flavor of desire.
“I’m sick-” Another thrust. “And tired-” Once more, this time with a shrill scream from Discord’s end that was more befitting a filly in heat than a near-omnipotent chaos spirit inhabiting the princess of Equestria. “Of all your tricks!”
This time Celestia stopped adding a thrust to every sentence. Now she had one for each and every word, coated with them an extra slap on Discord’s rump from time to time to get the point across. He had to admit, the ample bottom made a very more satisfying smacking noise.
Discord was done talking, the only sounds escaping her lips were the repeated moans and cries for more. Gone was her brash humor, sly winks, creeping grins, and inappropriate, sexual comments that left Celestia’s cheeks red. Now all Discord could do was bite the sheet while Celestia penetrated her for all his worth.
Celestia’s cock was a beast with a hunger more deep than the bottom of the ocean. Every thrust just added another drop to the nearly bursting dam, each buck of his hips adding another crack to the wall, every slap of Discord’s rear destroying the structural integrity that was Celestia’s inhibitions. Discord’s tight cooch was a divine heaven that Celestia could only now appreciate to his fullest extent. Every movement was like being kissed by an angel, every inch inside and out a delightful trip that he was every eager to revisit. Oh, and the tightness! Either his extremity was much less modest than he had first thought, of Discord’s snatch was tighter than Blueblood's legal briefs. So exquisite was the squeeze of Discord’s walls, the way they wrapped around Celestia’s length in a hot, sticky hold unlike any other, it was enough to drive him up the wall.
His pace quickened, and with it the burning need between Celestia’s legs fired up into a blazing inferno of want. Each and every thump of his hips against Discord’s rump was heaven. The bliss coursing through his head was practically nirvana for his senses, the smell of their lovemaking tantalizing to his tastes, the sound of Discord’s moans more beautiful than even the most angelic sounds, the wet smack of their bodies against one another step into a threshold of pure ecstasy. Celestia’s mouth and chin were covered in drool. His hands gripped tightly to Discord’s ass, squeezing it tight to make the confines of her moist lips all the more enjoyable.
“Nngh… f-finally, it’s over! I’m gonna cum!” Celestia screamed. Her extremity had one hell of an endurance, but at long last he could feel the edge approaching. Pounding Discord’s pussy became a final lap for the finish line. Every inch of Celestia’s cock was hot for release, pushing inside and out of Discord’s nethers like a machine set on high that was freshly oiled.
Discord glanced back to Celestia, her winking smile returning. “Oooh, that’s the stuff, ol’ boy, right th-there! Come on, big daddy, fill ‘er up!” Her tongue rolled out once Celestia thrust one final time, threatening to tear him in two as her walls stretched to their limits.
Celestia’s dam finally burst, and what a sweet, sticky relief it was. First one stream, then two, before a dozen had shot into Discord’s cooch, staining her walls with seed. The warmness that had surrounded Celestia’s dick was a blazing fire, semen dripping from Discord’s nethers until it started to pour.
“C-Cant… can’t stop!” Celestia screamed. She didn’t give up just then, continuing to thrust forward and back, having Discord’s rump milk him for all that he was worth. Discord even joined in, contracting her legs together just so that she could enjoy every inch a little more.
The streams of jizz didn’t let up, Celestia’s orgasm wracking her body like a hurricane. A tsunami of ecstasy shot up his spine and crashed into his brain, drowning his senses to the blissful high of muscle contraction. His shaft was tingling all over, the tip so sensitive that every pump of his hips and strand of his semen ejaculating out sent a shiver up his back. He never let up thrusting now, the high so amazing he didn’t want to lose it.
A pool of Celestia’s seed had formed underneath the pair on the bedsheets, mixing with Discord’s fluids and their combined sweat.
Discord panted in an incoherent babble. “How’s th-that for the m-m--magic of friendship!” Another stream ran right up her widened passageway, deep within her to where the warmth spread all through her body. “Ah… fuck it.”
Finally, Celestia’s thrusts had ended, his appendage now limp and out of Discord’s sore nethers.
Discord was a wreck, drool and sweat and semen and various other body fluids covering her. She couldn’t even think straight, still swimming in the afterburn of her god-like orgasm, her lungs spent and her heart beating a mile a minute.
Celestia wasn’t much better off, now on his back and exhausted beyond belief. His cock didn’t so much as twitch now; it was just flaccid and spent, his entire body empty.
After a few minute’s respite, Celestia lifted up his head and spied Discord off to the side of the room, smoking a cigarette and not a spot of mess on her or a hair out of place.
“What the…” Celestia whispered.
“Clean up is so much easier when you have that certain… magic touch,” Discord said, giggling. Smoke poured out of her nostrils. Taking a long drag on her cigarette, she blew out a smoke ring that took the shape of a heart, then dissipated once it hit Celestia’s muzzle. “And I must say, I was adamantly impressed by yours. Good show, Tia, good show indeed. It’s a shame we’re out of time, or I’d say we go for round two!”
Celestia blinked a few times, mind still numb after the high she had experienced. Scathing words meant to rebuke the chaotic spirit formed, both for smoking in her body and for not yet returning them both to normal.
“Time? Wait... wait, the girls!” he screamed, and jumped up. Distantly, he could make out the sounds of hooves racing across the hallway. “Discord!”
Discord, ears outstretched at the oncoming sounds. Quickly, he chuckled and flicked away his cigarette. “Well, that’s my cue. This was a blast, Tia! We really should do it again sometime. Hehe.”
Without fanfare, her body slowly began to dissipate into thin air. Pale white wings, horn and body vanished, until only Discord’s cruel, wicked grin remained hanging in the air.
Celestia watched in terror at the sight of his real body disappearing. “H-Hey! Stop, Discord! Fix us!”
Discord laughed, but continued to fade. “Just say the magic word and we can play again! Oh, and… Merry Christmas.” Her laugh echoed in the room as the hoof-falls from the hall continued to grow louder.
Unable to stop the spirit of chaos from getting away, Celestia threw her head back and screamed again, “Discord!”
Then, the room popped like a balloon, and a flash of light left Celestia blinded. Distantly, he could almost make out bells jingling, before the light overtook him completely.
With little to no warning, the massive doors to Celestia’s bedchambers crashed open.
Twilight Sparkle, her five friends, as well as Spike and two royal guards all charged in.
Gasping almost as one, the group of mares and dragon raced to their ruler’s side.
“Princess! We came as soon as we got the letter, and we have the Elements! Where is Discord?” Twilight cast a wary look around the room, but finding nothing but the princess lounging on a large pillow, felt confused. She settled her gaze on Celestia. “Princess… are you… are you injured?”
Celestia, finally back in her own body, weakly pushed herself up. “Oh, uhm, no, I’m quite alright, my faithful student.” She cast a wary glance around the room, expecting fully to see the ruin that the tussle Discord and she had gone through would be obvious.
Fortunately, it seemed that the scheming draconequus had held up his end of the bargain. Everything in the room seemed to be put back into place. Though, there was a lingering scent to the air...
Celestia gulped, and quickly schooled her expression to calm. “It turned out to be unnecessary, girls. Discord was merely being a prankster, rather than actually attempting anything. I was able to deal with him…” She had to pause, still a little out of breath. “Myself,” she finished.
Twilight quirked an eyebrow, then traded confused looks with her five friends and the two guards. “I see, well, that’s good! Uhm should we go and-”
“Guh, what’s that smell?” Spike interrupted. He waved a claw over his snout, and held it shut with the other.
“Spike!” Twilight shot a look of murder at her assistant. “That’s very rude, apologize.” She gave Celestia a sheepish look.
Spike scowled. “But it’s like your room after Big Mac came by and—”
Applejack twisted her head around. “Wait, what?”
Twilight clapped a hoof over Spike’s snout. “Uhm… nothing! He’s just imagining stuff. You know how boys are.”
“What I don’t get is why he showed up wearing that fire stallion’s uniform—”
Twilight zipped Spike’s mouth shut with magic. “Oh, look at the time. We really must be going now. Like, right now!” And with that Twilight dragged everyone back out of the room, despite their protests, and Pinkie Pie’s uncontrolled giggling.
The broad castle doors creaked shut.
Just as Celestia was about to sigh in relief, the doors banged back open and Luna walked in.
“Sister, was that the Elements of Harmony? Also, we heard banging… and screaming. From clear across the castle. Is everything alright?” Luna looked around warily. “The guards are not sure whether to be on alarm for an attack or not.”
Celestia gritted her teeth, slowly counted to ten, then shook her head and composed herself once again with her royal charm. “There is nothing to fret, dear sister, just some… complications with Discord is all.”
“Oh, Discord. Of course. That explains the decorations on the ramparts…” Luna nodded slowly. “But what about all that screaming?” she asked.
Biting her lip, Celestia nodded slowly. “Erm… why yes. And the screaming? Well, you know how much of a whiner he can be.”
Luna tapped her chin. “Strange. We could have sworn we heard you shouting your own name at the top of your lungs repeatedly. Which doesn’t make much sense. Why would you be calling for yourself?”
“Erm…”
“And then there was all the crashing and thumping. The thumping actually repeated itself for several minutes, over and over again. Followed by moans.” Luna peered around the room with a careful gaze. “Is the castle haunted again?”
“Uh…” Celestia dragged Luna to the door of her bedchambers, patting her on the back. “Why yes, yes indeed, Luna! It was ghosts! Discord, he… he helped me exorcise them out of our home! Yes, that’s it.”
“But that doesn’t explain the—”
Luna’s sentence was cut off with a door that nearly smashed into her snout.
Sliding down to the floor, Celestia sighed, heaving out a ragged breath that had built up with suspense for the past five minutes. Now she was positively exhausted, plus, sticky. The entire room was clean along with herself, but that sticky sense still followed with her. Probably because of the smell, too.
Celestia stepped outside onto her balcony and sucked in large gulps of air, breathing easier now with the fresh night breeze cooling her skin. “That was… terrible,” Celestia whispered, staring at the full moon hanging overhead. “But still quite enjoyable. And with Discord, of all ponies, as well. I’m quite surprised I feel this way.”
Celestia was silent for a few seconds longer. “I wonder if I should take him up on that offer…”
Laughter pulled her away from the thoughts of her unplanned bedroom escapades, and upward to the night sky.
Overhead, Celestia spotted Discord flying towards the moon in a sleigh being drawn by a team of earth ponies with twigs glued to their heads. Pinkie Pie, she noticed, was leading the charge with a light bulb taped to her nose. Why it was glowing red and how all of them managed to be airborne Celestia didn’t know, and didn’t particularly want to find out.
He was slinging things overboard with frightening speed, including boxes, bicycles and more, while a great many looked like lumps of what Celestia could best guess as being black rocks. He was also laughing at the top of his lungs, spouting, “Merry Christmas, Happy New Year’s, good tidings to all, and to all, I got laid!”
Celestia deadpanned at the nighttime sight, before backing away and closing her balcony door with a clatter. She crossed back to her bathroom for a much needed soak. “I’m going to be walking funny for weeks. And probably smell like this for even longer.” With a wince, she began to run a very hot bath.
Twilight stared at the book on her bed, breathing heavily.
The book was, in fact, none other than Princess Celestia’s personal diary.
It had come crashing through her window, hitting her right against the head. Distantly she could hear a crazed voice crying out cheesy song lyrics, but she made the wise decision and paid it no mind. The book, however, was all on her mind.
Opening a page, Twilight’s cheeks instantly turned a rosy hue. There were pictures, sentences, paragraphs, and even carefully taken notes, all about… Celestia. The pictures, bizarrely, were of Celestia and Discord. Celestia and Discord together, in the most explicit detail imaginable.
Twilight furtively glanced to and fro while picking the book up and wiping away the broken glass, her cheeks growing even hotter all the while. Spike was still asleep—not even vandalism could wake him up—and no one else was in the room.
Smiling, she made her second wisest decision that night. She picked her mattress up. Underneath it was contained a vast plethora of pornography that would put even most stallions to shame.
Twilight tucked the diary and the pictures of her mentor at the very top—just beside her self-written Rainbow Dash fanfiction and ‘Long and Hard Stallion Horns Monthly’. She would save the mysterious gift for a more appropriate time to read.
Twilight rubbed her hooves together gleefully in a way that only Hearth’s Warming time could bring.
Which was strange since it was still a month away, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers.
Author's Note
Link to image used in the story can be found here.
