Hello Ponies!

by Super Trampoline

Rating: everyone
Tags: Horror, Random, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 1004

Greetings, ponies! I am the mighty Zalgo, and I ooze from across the void to bring you an important message!

Greetings, ponies! I am the mighty Zalgo, and I ooze from across the void to bring you an important message!

Published 2015-01-04 08:10:07 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-04 08:10:07 UTC

An Important Message (Normal Text Version)

The radioactive sun rose over the cold, sterile desert, washing the alien landscapes in hues of bright magnesium fire. The dawn of a glorious day, Celestia's orb grandly awakening once again. Yet more than just the mother star rose above the earth, for from the wretched depths of an ordinary-looking hole, it came.

Hundreds of miles away, a pink pony possessing curly hair suddenly contracted a back-spasm. "Winter is coming!" she uttered frostily. Her employers eyed her warily. "Oh wait, wrong franchise. Um, tweaky back means... an unknowable cosmic entity from another dimension is coming... I think?"

The pink horse realized the magnitude of its statement and rushed to alert its friends. Together, the six mares assembled in a hollowed out tree. The purple one with wings of awkwardness and horn of power paced in circles. "Pinkie," she asked, "What should we expect? As an eldrich abomination yourself, can you describe it?"

"Nopsies! I have no idea!" Pinkie replied. "Only that it comes."

Yes, to describe it would be futile, for when one gazed upon its countenance, one's eyes witnessed a million flitting images of absurdity, flashes of chaos the mind refused to process. A few definites could be agreed on: it was a brownish-grayish blob the size of a large carriage, and it oozed along the ground not unlike a slug. It called itself Zalgo. Beyond this, one could only dream mad dreams as poor facsimile substitutes for its its actual appearance.

But how it looked was nothing compared to how it sounded. Its voice, if it could even be called a voice, was like a thousand brass trumpets playing different tones, a hundred glasses shattering at once. It hummed with the effervescent energy of a pack of chihuahuas thundering toward a pigeon at a dog park. At the same time, the low bassy notes of pulsars throbbed out from its being. In smell, in touch, in taste, and in a dozen other senses unknown to the ponies of the world, it was equally baffling. Can one explain "red" to she who is colorblind? Nay. So it was with this thing. Let us not dwell further on what it was, but rather what it did.

It crawled out of its birthing hole in the desert sands east of Appleloosa, hungry for the attention of the creatures native to this dimension. It sought for all beings to acknowledge it. Worship would be preferable, but it would reluctantly settle for mere acceptance of its existence if need be. The time had come for it to summon the native fauna into its embrace. With great solemnity and purpose, it plucked the cosmic harp strings of the mind, and throughout Equestria, a single thought loomed large in the minds of all:

Come.

A monolith of direction gripped the hearts of the Crystal Empire:

Come..

A clarion call to be followed permeated the brains of Manehattan:

Come..

A herald of executive decision echoed within the bodies of Cloudsdale:

Come..

Through out the land, the ponies and other creatures heard as one the singular directive issued to them:

Come..

And so they came, all of them. Ten million sapient creatures, and another hundred million sentient ones, all heeded the call of Zalgo. As one, they left their homes and and shelters to march toward its presence. Those of higher sense packed essentials; most didn't.

These creatures, pony and griffon, rabbit and fox, ant and butterfly, as one streamed from all corners of the continent. With steady determination, they flowed inward, their movement tracing the outline of some mad god's bath tub drain. They trekked, day after day, stopping only to rest a few hours when their bodies would trek no more.

Many did not wake. Many died in this journey to the desert. First came those which died of thirst, for though there were sources of water along the way, many were not of the presence of mind to drink. Soon others dropped from exhaustion, their bodies simply giving up. The smaller animals never had a chance in this regard. They were simply trod over if they sat in the way.

The carnivores had the feast of a lifetime as they made there way with more passive brethren toward their destination. They ate with gusto and aplomb, and it served as a reminder for the lesser things still alive to keep moving, always moving. Ponies cautiously shared rank with tigers and timber wolves, ferrets growled at mongeese, and breezies nervously eyed eagles. The world's greatest menagerie was playing out as a circus of absurd tragedy.

Within a week, what was left of the Equestrian fauna had all gathered 'round that thing, shaping into a ring a mile in radius. Quivering flesh surrounded the otherworldly being, an audience of countless species. All looked forward, into its unknowable presence, alert, yet not daring to approach within 30 paces. They only breathed, lest they utter a sacrilegious sound in front of their master. Until one did.

A purple mare, laden with wings, crown, and horn, trotted forward several paces. She bowed, then bravely spoke. "Oh great and mighty, unknowable Zalgo, you bade us come, and we came. What then do ye seek for thee, your alien children?"

Zalgo smiled in some far off world where its mouth resided, and spoke a new message into the minds of its followers.

Hello, everypony! I am with Capital Funding, and I'd like to tell you about our attractive thirty million year mortages we are currently offering with low centennially interest rates! This exciting offer is--

A thaumic blade of insight, purple and virtuous in nature, sliced through the material and spiritual worlds as one, severing the mental link it had established with all things living. Twilight Sparkle groaned and powered up her Royal Canterlock Voice. "Go home, everypony, there's nothing to see here!". She grumbled an afterthought to herself: "Faust above, I hate telepathic marketers."

~Fin.~

Author's Note

A new message I bring to you:

UPVOTE!