Friendship in Disguise

by Tumbleweed

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Other
Length: 13323

Twilight Sparkle had thought she'd seen the last of Grimlock- and of the Transformers in general. She was wrong. Now, what starts as a simple diplomatic mission soon spirals out of control as an ancient war threatens to come to Equestria!

A G1 Transformers/G4 Pony crossover.

Twilight Sparkle had thought she'd seen the last of Grimlock- and of the Transformers in general. She was wrong. Now, what starts as a simple diplomatic mission soon spirals out of control as an ancient war threatens to come to Equestria!

Published 2015-02-25 19:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-16 15:21:11 UTC

Chapter 2

“Me Grimlock say this stupid idea.” One wouldn't think that a towering robotic warrior could sulk, but Grimlock often liked to prove people wrong, just on general principle. He sat slumped in a too-small acelleration chair aboard the bridge of an interstellar shuttle, staring sullenly out at the blackness. “Why me Grimlock have to go to stupid pony planet?”

“You and Wheelie were the only Autobots to ever set foot on Equestria.” Optimus Prime said, patiently. “And since Wheelie is busy on Earth, you're the only source of local knowledge we have.”

“Grr. Me Grimlock still think it stupid. No Decepticons on pony planet. No fights!”

“You know,” said a little blue and grey robot sitting behind Grimlock. “That's a pretty good reason for visiting, if you ask me.”

“Well said, Beachcomber,” said Optimus Prime. “It's important to build relationships with other sentient beings across the galaxy. The Decepticons have been quiet lately anyway- this gives us an opportunity that we might not have otherwise.”

“Then how come us no go to pony planet earlier?”

“That, Grimlock, is a very good question!” The red and blue robot sitting behind Optimus Prime looked up from the datapad he'd been reading. “You see, due to the gravometric orientation of our galaxy, one can calibrate a quantum FTL engine to capitalize on certain semi-predictable anomalies, which allows for certain optimized routes of transit to be utilized on a periodical basis.”

“In English, Perceptor?” A horned yellow head poked up from behind the scientist's chair.

“In layman's terms, Bumblebee,” Perceptor huffed, “now is quite simply the most fuel-efficient time to travel to Planet Equestria. Honestly, it's not a hard concept to grasp, once you've gotten down the fifth-dimensional calculus down. I'd be happy to teach any of you the basics- it should only take a decade or so.”

Perceptor's offer was met with silence. He found himself slightly relieved at this, as the prospect of teaching higher mathematics to the likes of Grimlock was hardly enticing, to say the very least.

“Sorry Perceptor,” Optimus Prime turned in his seat to check an updated readout on the shuttle's control console. “You'll have to give us the full lecture some other time. Cosmos just sent us coordinates for our approach vector. Buckle up, Autobots. We're going to Equestria.”

“Me Grimlock still think it stupid idea.”

It'd been a quick train ride over to Canterlot to share the news with Princess Celestia, and a surprisingly easy matter to organize a landing afterward. They commandeered Canterlot's polo fields, the largest stretch of open, flat ground inside Canterlot proper, and turned it into a makeshift runway to Cosmos' specifications.

While speed had been a priority, secrecy hadn't. A who's who of Canterlot's upper crust (including Upper Crust himself) had assembled to see the momentous occasion, regardless of if they'd been invited, or even if they knew exactly what was going on. In turn, several enterprising ponies had latched onto the opportunity to set up stalls and tents in order to hawk the requisite drinks, snacks, and cheaply made souvenirs to the well-heeled crowd.

“There they are!” Twilight Sparkle looked up from her telescope and turned to the intimidatingly large crowd that'd gathered to watch the space landing. Most of them went about their business, not even paying attention to Twilight.

“Perhaps you should try speaking a little louder?” Princess Celestia offered.

“Er, I haven't quite gotten the hang of the Royal Canterlot Voice just yet.”

“THIS CAN BE AMENDED,” Princess Luna said in a polite bellow.

“Er, maybe later?” said Twilight.

“Here, try this.” Spike lifted up a megaphone.

“From the diaphragm, remember.” Princess Luna noted.

“Thanks,” Twilight smiled, then levitated the cone in front of her. “AHEM. IF I MAY HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE, OUR GUESTS HAVE JUST ENTERED OUR ATMOSPHERE!”

A polite applause rippled through the crowd, and then the crème de la crème of Canterlot society (including Cream de la Creme herself) went back to their idle conversation.

“Is it just me, or does that whole 'entering our atmosphere' thing sound dirty?” Rainbow Dash muttered to nopony in particular. Fluttershy blushed anyway. To be fair, this was her default reaction to most things.

“Keep. It. Down.” Rarity hissed. “There's royalty present!”

“Oh, right. I keep on having to explain all my dirty jokes to Twilight and then they're not funny anymore.”

“They're usually not funny to begin with.” Applejack said.

“Hey!” said Rainbow Dash.

“Oh lookit!” Pinkie Pie said through a faceful of cotton candy. “I think that's them! Unless there's some other big flamey meteor coming directly at us in which case we should probably just start screaming now to stay ahead of schedule.”

“Don't worry, it's them.” Cosmos said. Some thoughtful soul had thought to elevate the Royal Viewing Platform, allowing the towering Autobot to look at the ponies at roughly eye level.

The shuttle was little more than a shining light, at first, like a star that'd somehow gotten misplaced. Eventually, as it grew closer, and as the more curious amongst the crowd focused their telescopes and binoculars on the bright dot, details began to take shape. It was a long, sleek vessel- predominantly white, with swept back wings and a boxy blue undercarriage.

The shuttle swept around in a wide circle, slowly spiraling down towards the landing field. As it banked, a large red-faced Autobot symbol emblazoned on each of its wings came into view. Even the most industrious socialites took notice as the whine of the shuttle's engines pierced the air.

The spaceship slowly swooped down, coming to a hover above the cleared out polo field before it gently lowered itself the last few feet. Landing gear pressed down into the soft earth, and the engines finally shut off. The shuttle, which had seemed so tiny only minutes earlier, was nearly as big as a wing of Canterlot palace- and condsiderably more solid, all polished steel and sleek lines.

The collected crowed ooed and ahhed obligingly, while the more delicate ponies amongst them swooned into the waiting hooves of servants and/or paramours they'd been looking for an excuse to swoon at. (Rarity was not amongst the swooners, as she knew swooning had already become passe a few weeks prior).

A ramp extended from the bow of the shuttle, and a towering figure of red and blue stepped out into the sunlight.

Optimus Prime had come to Equestria.

“We should've built a taller platform.” Twilight Sparkle said under her breath.

Princess Celestia took to the air with a single beat of her wings, and crossed the field to hover at the level of Optimus Prime's blue eyes, nearly two and a half stories above the ground.

“On behalf of my subjects, and all the kingdoms of this planet, Welcome to Equestria.” Princess Celestia bowed her head, briefly.

“Princess Celestia, I presume?”

“You presume correctly, Optimus Prime.”

“Please, just Optimus will do.”

“Well then, Optimus,” Princess Celestia said with a faint smile, “It's a pleasure to finally meet you in person. I've heard a lot about you.”

“Only good things, I hope.”

“I wasn't aware there were bad things to say.”

“I could say the same about you, Princess Celestia.”

“Please, Celestia will do.”

“Here, let me introduce the rest of my crew.” Prime turned and waved the handful of Autobots to follow him.

“This is Perceptor, my chief scientist- and Beachcomber, a geologist. With your permission, we'd like to study your planet, as I understand it's particularly unique amongst the worlds we've encountered.”

“Of course.” Celestia said, and glanced over her shoulder to where Twilight watched on the Royal Viewing Platform. “In fact, I think I know just the pony who'd be able to help them out...”

“Excellent.” Optimus Prime rumbled. “That's Bumblebee, standing behind Perceptor- he's not a scientist, but he's one of our bravest, most resourceful Autobots. When he heard we were headed to a new planet, he wouldn't let me leave him behind.”

Bumblebee waved, cheery.

“And...I understand you've met Grimlock.”

The dinobot stomped down the ramp, and glared at everyone and everything around him.

Celestia smiled to the motley handful of Autobots, and bowed her head again. “A pleasure. Now, if you'll follow me to the palace, we can continue our conversation in a slightly less...formal manner. I'll set a guard for your spaceship, of course. Wouldn't want any overzealous souvenir-seekers to hurt themselves.”

“I assure you, Princess, that won't be nessescary.” The shuttle said.

And in a matter of seconds, panels slid, folded, and expanded across the shuttle; it sprouted four legs, and stood up- the cockpit stretched out on a red metal neck, nosecone opening to reveal neat rows of sharklike teeth, and a tailfin-tipped tail sprouted from the starship's bow. The resulting mechanical dragon stretched itself out, almost feline.

“And that's Sky Lynx.” Optimus Prime said.

“Salutations!” said Sky Lynx. He enunciated each syllable with refined precision: a feat made more impressive by the fact he didn't appear to have lips.

Princess Celestia looked up (and up, and up) at the mechanical space-dragon.

“On second thought, perhaps we should meet in the south ballroom. It's bigger.”

Chapter 3

“Isn't this exciting, Twilight?” Pinkie Pie bounced down the hallway. Her typically overenthusiastic volume didn't seem out of place (for once), as the entire palace was abuzz with activity. After a slightly quieter reception in the Grand Ballroom (which seemed far less grand when one had to fit a few hundred tons of robots inside), the Autobots had settled in to pursue their respective studies.

“It really is.” Twilight Sparkle smiled, “Diplomatic contact with an extra-Equestrian civilization? It's something that I'd never even dreamed of! Just think of what we could learn! I only got a brief look at Cybertonian technology when Grimlock first arrived, but now they've brought a proper delegation...oh, I wonder what kind of filing system they use.”

“Psssh, not that, silly.” Pinkie Pie said. “I'm talking about Princess Celestia and Optimus Prime!”

“What about them.”

“You know.” Pinkie Pie winked.

“I...don't know, actually.”

“Oh come ooooooooon.” Pinkie said. “Am I the only one that noticed? Princess Celestia has a crush on the big red guy!”

“Pinkie!” Twilight blurted, perhaps a bit too loud. “You can't say that!”

“Why not?”

“Because, because...it just doesn't make sense! She's a pony, and he's...not! The logistics alone would...” she shook her head. “I don't even want to think about it.”

“Oh, okay. You probably know her better than I do, since you're her favorite student and also a Princess and stuff! But to somepony like me who doesn't know Celestia as well as you do, that's what it looks like! I mean, didn't you see them back at the big meeting in the hall? She was sitting on Optimus' like it was the best place ever.”

“He's three stories tall. That's the only way to have a conversation with him.”

“But she's a Princess! She could use the ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE.” Pinkie Pie's eerily accurate Princess Luna impersonation, rattled the portraits hanging along the walls. “Couldn't she?”

“Sitting on his shoulder is the only way to have a polite conversation.” Twilight said. “There's nothing going on.”

“I think she was being a little more than 'polite,'” Pinkie Pie winked and nudged her friend. “I mean, did you see the way she flipped her mane?”

“She flipped her mane?”

“She totally did! Almost like she was flirting.”

“She was not flirting. Princess Celestia does not flirt.”

“Of course she does! She just hasn't had anyone to flirt with. But now, it makes sense! They're both royalty, or at least Optimus Prime seems kind of royal-ish I think, and Princess Celestia's like a thousand years old and didn't she say these robots got really old too? It totally makes sense! They'll form one of those fancy political alliances and seal it off with a marriage and then we can have a super huge party! In space! With robots!”

“That is not what's going to happen. Princess Celestia's not marrying anypony. Or...any robots.” Twilight Sparkle huffed.

“You're right, that makes sense.” Pinkie Pie stroked at her chin, thoughtfully. “All those arranged alliance marriages are between daughters and sons and stuff, aren't they? But Princess Celestia doesn't have any children....Which means...oh!” The proverbial light bulb lit up above Pinkie's head. “That means you get to marry a robot!”

“Pinkie Pie, has Rarity been loaning you romance novels again?”

“How'd you know?”

“Just a hunch. Now come on, we're running late. I don't want to keep Perceptor waiting.”

“Oh! I get it!” Pinkie Pie nudged Twilight again. “You're totally gonna be the one they marry off! But they didn't want to be mean about it so they sent a scientist and you can do cool sciencey stuff together! Loooooove science!”

Twilight facehooved.

“Love is not a science.” Twilight Sparkle said.

“How do you know? Have you tried?”

“Yes! I mean, no! I mean...we have bigger things to worry about right now than who has a crush on who.”

“So you admit that somepony is crushing on somepony?”

“Can we talk about something else, Pinkie?” Twilight closed her eyes and rubbed the bridge of her nose.

“Okay!” Pinkie Pie said. “I can talk about lots of things! Like, ooh, how do you think Fluttershy and Rarity are doing? You're not worried that they took that blue guy outside the city, are you? Because he seemed kind of nice but also kind of quiet and they say you have to watch out for the quiet ones which is why nobody watches out for me because they already know I'm coming!”

“I trust the Autobots,” Twilight said, and smiled, “and more than that, I know Rarity and Fluttershy can handle themselves. I bet they're going to be just fine.”

“Please don't hurt me!” Fluttershy cowered behind a pile of rocks entirely too small to serve as cover.

“I thought we went over this,” Beachcomber crouched down, trying to look as un-intimidating as he could. He managed fairly well, despite his giant-robot-ness. “I'm not going to hurt you.”

Rarity sighed, and trotted up next to the autobot's big blue foot. “My apologies...Beachcomber, wasn't it? Fluttershy's...exciteable. To be frank, she's absolutely terrified of everything. Even her own shadow.”

“Eek!” Fluttershy cringed away from her shadow as soon as she was reminded of it.

“See?” Rarity said.

Beachcomber's wheeled shoulders slumped. “I'm sorry, Little Miss. Didn't mean to scare you.”

“Perhaps,” Rarity said, diplomatic as ever, “we should get on to the matter at hoof?”

“Right. The survey.” Beachcomber stood, and started typing commands into the clunky-looking bank of computers and sensors he'd set up in a field a few miles from Canterlot castle.

Numbers and symbols began to stream over the the multiple screens, occasionally morphing into sine-wave diagrams for a few seconds. Beachcomber took it all in with professional ease. “Huh. That's strange. There's an unusual concentration of gemstones in the soil here.”

“Ah, yes. That'd be me,” said Rarity.

“You make gemstones?”

“No. I just find them. It's a talent of mine.”

“But...they're still there to find, just beneath the surface. I've never seen anything like it.”

“Well, that just goes to show you how special Equestria is!” Rarity favored Beachcomber with one of her most practiced smiles. “When do you think you'll need to start digging? You know, for...samples. That's how science works, yes? Twilight's always sampling things. And, if, say, there are a few stray diamonds, why, I would be more than happy to take them off of your hooves. Er, hands. You get the idea.”

“I won't need to do any excavation.” Beachcomber said, smiling, “My spectral analyzer can make detailed scans up to three kilometers deep. I can do an in-depth analysis without having to turn over a single rock.”

“So...you're not digging.”

“How could I?” Beachcomber said, “your planet is beautiful- I wouldn't want to disrupt the natural order of things.”

“Oh, that's nice.” Fluttershy murmured, peeking out from her hiding place. “Thank you for being so considerate.”

“Oh, we don't mind! Please, dig away!” Rarity's smile grew just a little more forced. “We do it all the time. Dig holes, that is. Well, I don't, personally, but my dear friend Applejack is always going on about wells or stumps or other shovel-requisite tasks.”

“I might take a few samples later, but for now, I just wanted to start a general survey. Maybe even talk to some of the fauna while I'm out here.”

“Mmm. I suppose a bit of conversation never hurt anypony,” Rarity said, “for one, I am a bit curious about alien fashion- do you get to pick your, ah...coloration? It'd just be a simple coat of paint for you, wouldn't it?” Rarity rubbed at her chin and sized Beachcomber up. “You'd look positively dashing in emerald, I think.”

“Er, actually, I thought I'd chat a little with some of the other organics- I've found birds are usually pretty good company.”

“You can speak bird?” Fluttershy squeaked.

“Can't everyone?” Beachcomber said.

“Oh wow!” Fluttershy took to the air and hovered in front of Beachcomber's face. “I didn't know you could speak bird! I thought you were just a big scary war robot!”

“I'm not so bad,” Beachcomber said, “really, most of us Autobots aren't really fighters- we're just a bunch of builders and scientists who've been put into a bad situation.”

“Even Grimlock?” said Rarity.

“That's why I said most.”

Of all the things that Princess Twilight Sparkle had done, even in those tumultuous years leading up to her magical ascension, there was only one thing, she realized, she had never expected to see:

Someone who could read faster than she could.

And yet, there he was. All Perceptor had to do was skim through a volume as if it were a flipbook (which is what the encyclopedias looked like in his massive hands) and that was all his robotic brain needed to soak up the contents verbatim. In fact, the only thing slowing Perceptor down was the state of the books themselves. Given the age and fragility of many of the rarer tomes, Perceptor was limited only by how fast the unicorn librarians could turn the pages for him.

“Princess Twilight Sparkle,” Perceptor smiled down at the purple pony, “I would once again like to reiterate my genuine thanks and appreciation for such an opportunity to delve so deep into your bibliographical archives.”

“The pleasure's all mine! Just let me know if you need any help understanding any of it. Some of the older tomes and spellbooks can be a little obtuse, if you take them out of context. I'll be happy to fill in any gaps you have when it comes to magic- or anything else, really. ”

“How quaint.” Perceptor returned his attention to another battered tome. “Your civilization still harbors collective delusions in matters of the occult. Oh well, I suppose a perfect utopia shall remain an impossibility.”

“What's wrong with magic?”

“What's wrong? Why, it's base superstition- the sort of thing that can only act as an obstacle to a civilization's true potential.”

“We're not superstitious.” Twilight huffed. “Magic is a verifiable, predictable phenomenon. How else do you think I'm doing this?” Her horn glowed, and Twilight floated a magic school textbook into Perceptor's table-sized hand.

“Through a very specialized form of telekinesis, likely using the bony protrusion extending from your forehead as a focus point.”

“Hey! You can't talk about Twilight like that!” Pinkie Pie piped up.

“He's just talking about my horn,” said Twilight.

Pinkie blinked her big blue eyes, and then pulled Twilight in for a conspiritorial whisper. “Isn't that, y'know, personal?”

“Not really?”

“Oh, okay!”

“As I was saying,” Twilight fluttered up to look Perceptor in the eye. “Magic can do so many things- it's really limitless in potential! Why, just before you guys came to visit, I was working on a brand new spell of my very own.”

“Oh? And how were you doing this?” Perceptor said.

“Just through careful experimentation, observation, and documentation. The real trick is to isolate all the variables so you know exactly what makes a spell work.”

“There's a name for that, Princess Twilight Sparkle. It's called science.”

“Magic and science aren't mutually exclusive. It's just, well, magic is a kind of science. It's unpredictable and strange sometimes, but it's still something that I take very seriously.”

“Sounds like quantum theory.”

“My point is, even though we haven't fully unlocked the ins and outs of magic theory yet, it doesn't mean Equestria is 'primitive.'”

“A valid point. But here, you've gotten me curious. Do all members of your species use this 'magic?'”

“In different ways, yes.”

“Fascinating!” Perceptor stroked his chin, and sized Twilight up, thoughtfully. “Here, I've perused your stacks long enough- I should switch over to a more active sort of observation.”

Without warning, Perceptor's body changed. Like a piece of paper folded in half over and over again, each twist and slide of Perceptor's limbs made him shrink smaller and smaller, until all that was left of him was a red and blue microscope, resting neatly on the library table amongst the textbooks and tomes.

“Whoa! Where'd the fancy science guy go?” Pinkie Pie said.

“I haven't left.” Little lights on the microscope flashed as Perceptor spoke. “This is merely my alternate mode.”

“But it's so small! And you were so big!”

“Subspace mass compression is quite the utilitarian field of study, once you've mastered it.”

“So it's magic.” Pinkie Pie said. “Like that time we all got into that field of poison joke and it made Applejack get really small?”

“To reiterate: science, not magic. But let's not get sidetracked. If you'll indulge me, would either of you be so kind as to place some of your external organic matter upon the slide? Just a hair or feather should suffice. I'm developing a theory at this very moment.”

“Oh! Oh! Me first! Me!” Pinkie Pie leaned over Perceptor and shook her head rapidly, until a few strands of pink fluff wafted down to land on the preparation slide.

“Thank you,” Perceptor said. “Now, it's a simple matter of observation, and...this appears to be cotton candy.”

“Oops! My bad!” Pinkie Pie said, “it must've gotten stuck in my mane after breakfast!”

“Breakfast?” Perceptor said.

“It's the most important meal of the day!” Pinkie Pie said. “I thought a big smarty-pants like you would've known that already!”

“My inquiry wasn't in regards to the definition, but rather as to the specifics. Do all ponies on your planet subsist on a sugar-based diet?”

“That's...more of a Pinkie Pie thing.” Twilight said. “Why don't we try my hair, instead?” Twilight said, and very gently plucked a single hair from her mane. She gently set the strand down on the glass plate Perceptor had extended. Little motors within the microscope began to whirr as Perceptor's primary lens focused on Twilight's hair.

“Oh.” Perceptor was at a loss for words, possibly for the first time in his life.

“Oh?” Twilight frowned. “What do you mean, 'oh?'”

“Not more cotton candy, is it?” said Pinkie.

“No, not that. It's just...well, it's not what I expected.”

“How so?”

“Princess Twilight Sparkle, your DNA is the most complex chain of molecules I've ever had under my scope.”

“Did you just say 'molecules?' You can see molecules?”

“Well, 'observe' is the more accurate terminology, but yes. By using an electron projector instead of natural light, I'm able to examine any object on the molecular scale. Your planet may have the technological base to start building your own within a century or so, if you work at it. In the meanwhile, you may observe for yourself.”

Twilight trotted over and carefully peered into Perceptor's eyepiece. The whole while, she couldn't help but feel the examination felt a bit...personal. Whether it was because it was her hair under the scope, or if was the fact she looked through Perceptor just to see it remained up for debate.

“I'm adverse to pedantry, so I shall make the assumption you know that most carbon-based life forms typically rely on a double-helix DNA structure in regards to their genetic material. Whereas, you, Princess Twilight Sparkle, appear to have a triple-helix structure. Possibly quadruple- I'm still trying to get the imaging right. Which, in turn, begs the inquiry, are all inhabitants of your planet so molecularly gifted?”

“That's...a good question.” Twilight sat back on her haunches. Her mind reeled with the newfound knowledge- she'd never thought to look at her own DNA under a microscope before. She'd never had the technology to look at DNA under a microscope before. But now...

“Okay Perceptor, this...we're on to something here. Something big. Just throwing anypony's tissue on a slide and looking at it isn't going to get us anywhere. But we're going to have to do it correctly. We'll need to come up with a proper recording method for the data...and the analysis, that's even trickier!”

“I assure you, Princess Twilight Sparkle, I'll be more than happy to provide assistance during my regrettably brief stay.”

“See?” Pinkie Pie leaned in for a whisper. “Looooooove science.”

Twilight jerked up from Perceptor's eyepiece. “Y'know what, Pinkie? Why don't you go check on everypony else? I think Perceptor and I can handle things from here.”

“Oh. Right. Leave you two alone. Got it.” Pinkie surreptuously winked at Twilight, and then bounced out of the library.

“Are all ponies on this planet like that?” Perceptor said as soon as Pinkie rounded the corner.

“No, Pinkie's one of a kind.”

“That's a relief.”

“So....your name's Bumblebee,” said Rainbow Dash.

“Yep!” Bumblebee's cheer had a ponylike intensity to it.

“But...you can't fly.”

“That's right.”

“And you don't turn into a giant bug or anything.”

“Well, technically, I do turn into a Bug, just not the kind you're thinking of.”

“Like a grasshopper or something?”

“More of a beetle.”

“Really?”

“Well, no. It was a joke.”

“How was that a joke?”

“It's funnier on Earth. Promise.”

“It's funnier on the ground than it is in the air? How would you even know that? You can't even fly!”

“Nevermind.”

“Hey!” Applejack galloped down the hallway and skidded to a halt in front of Bumblebee and Rainbow Dash. “Uh, have either of y'all seen Grimlock?”

“Big guy, grey armor, kind of grumpy?” Bumblebee said with a wry smile.

“Yeah, him! He ain't come this way, has he?”

“Uh, no. I think we'd notice.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Yeah, more stuff would be on fire.” Bumblebee said.

“Uh. Yeah. Uh. That's what I was worried 'bout.”

“What do you mean?” Rainbow Dash said. “Are you saying you lost Grimlock? How do you lose a giant metal murdersaurus?”

“He wasn't doin' nothin'! He was just sittin' there, and I tried bein' nice, but he didn't wanna talk, and he didn't wanna play checkers, and it's not like he can drink cider...so, uh, I took a trip to the li'l girl's room, and when I got back, he was gone!”

“Why would you do that?”

“Somepony had to drink the cider! Wha'd you expect?”

“Huh. That's a good point.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Hey, hey, everyone calm down. Wherever he went, Grimlock couldn't have gone far,” said Bumblebee, “And the good news is, he hasn't even done anything yet. I mean, nobody's screaming.”

“That's another good point.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Trust me, I'm kind of an expert at this kind of thing.” Bumblebee hunkered down and compressed himself into a round-roofed little car. “If we hurry, I bet we can catch Grimlock before he lights anything on fire!”

“Fire?” Applejack said.

“Try to keep up!” Bumblebee's tires squealed against the marble tile, leaving parallel rubber streaks on the floor.

“Keep up?” Rainbow Dash squeaked, indignant.

“Move it, Rainbow!” Applejack said, and took off at a gallop. “We've gotta find Grimlock 'fore anything worse happens!”

The purple locomotive barreled down the track, spewing smoke and steam. It loomed larger than any other engine that had set wheels upon that stretch of track. It subtly defied any sense of scale, looking as if it were a different size every time one took one's eyes away from it.

The engine charged into Canterlot Central Station, braking harder than any responsible engineer would've allowed. The screech of metal on metal rang off Canterlot station's glass dome, as if the very rails themselves were tortured by unexpected arrival.

All up and down the loading platform, ponies stared at the train, with reactions ranging from mild annoyance on the part of the passengers to burgeoning panic on behalf of the train conductors. That is, until a doorway on the side of the engine opened up, and everyone began to panic.

Galvatron strode out of the train and sneered at the tiny organic creatures, who had already began to flee. He looked over his shoulder at the other troops lurking within the train, and waved them onward.

“Decepticons, ATTACK!”

Chapter 4

“There he is!” Bumblebee screeched to a halt and popped up into his robot mode. Sure enough, Grimlock stood near one of of Canterlot Castle's walls, resting his massive hands upon the battlements as if they were no more than a guide rail.

“Whew!” Applejack galloped up next to Bumblebee. “He ain't doin' nothin, ain't he?”

“Doesn't look like it. He's just looking at...something.” Bumblebee sauntered up next to Grimlock and rapped him on the shin. “Hey! Big guy! Whatcha looking at?”

“Decepticons.” Grimlock rumbled. He narrowed his visor and tightened his fingers, cracking the stones of the walls. “Big fight. Me go.”

“What Decepticons? There can't be Decepticons here!” Bumblebee sputtered. “I thought that's why we came here!”

“You Bumblebee look.” Without taking his optics off of his target, Grimlock grabbed Bumblebee by the helmet and hoisted him up to a precarious perch on the castle wall. Bumblebee flailed helplessly for a few undignified moments, and finally regained his footing. He squinted into the distance where, sure enough, an easy dozen shadowy silhouettes circled around dark columns of smoke like so many sleek-winged vultures.

“I hate it when you're right,” said Bumblebee.

“'Bout time stupid trip no be boring. Me Grimlock go fight now!” Grimlock declared. He lowered his shoulder and pushed forward, shattering the ancient stones with terrifying ease. Grimlock drew a blazing red sword and a double-barreled cannon as he stormed down the streets of Canterlot with all the murderous purpose of a natural disaster.

“Uh.” Rainbow Dash stared at the Canterlot Castle's newest entrance. “Now what?”

“Whaddya think?” Bumblebee stepped from his perch and transformed in midair, landing effortlessly on all four wheels. “We follow Grimlock!”

“What?” Applejack said.

“Who else is gonna watch his back?” Bumblebee peeled out again, and zipped off after the dinobot warrior.

“Hey, Rainbow?” said Applejack, “Them Autobots is supposed to be on our side, right?”

“Probably?”

“Just checkin'.”

“Cyclonus! Report!”

“The indigenous organics have offered no resistance, as expected, Lord Galvatron.”

“They never do!” Galvatron melted a storefront with a casual blast of his arm-mounted cannon. “I'd feel disappointed, if I wasn't having so much fun breaking things! Bwa ha ha!”

“Yes, lord Galvatron.” Cyclonus rumbled. “The troops are gathering what energon they can- primitive as these organics may be, they've at least mastered a rudimentary electrical grid, which Soundwave has been able to tap into. We're siphoning as much energon as we can. It...may be enough for our purposes.”

“Pah! Logistics!” Galvatron turned his cannon on another building (and one of his own troopers who wasn't able to get out of the way fast enough). “If I wanted to be bored, Cyclonus, I would have stayed on Chaar!”

“That might have been the wiser course of action.”

“WHAT?”

“Nothing, Lord Galvatron.”

“That's what I thought!” Galvatron seethed, “Has there been any resistance to our assault?”

“None as of yet, Lord Galvatron.”

“NYARGH!” Galvatron leveled a (thankfully evacuated) franchise coffeeshop with a dismissive wave of his cannon. “You said there would be autobots, Cyclonus! You said there would be conquest!”

“We appear to have at least one half of the equation.”

“DO NOT TRY TO TRICK ME WITH YOUR MATHS!” Galvatron swung his cannon to bear on Cyclonus. “I've killed for less, Cyclonus!”

“Of course, Lord Galvatron,” Cyclonus carried the sort of grave dignity usually reserved for gentleman's valets. “I was there.”

“Consider yourself warned! Nyagh!” Galvatron sheared the top story off of a nearby building.

Unperturbed, Cyclonus touched a finger to the side of his helmet, “Lord- we're receiving reports from the forward scouts. Autobots have been sighted.”

“Autobots?” Galvatron brightened with malicious glee. “Where?”

Cyclonus turned towards column of smoke and a chorus of screams rising in the distance. “It shall be obvious shortly, Lord Galvatron.”

Grimlock slammed through a block of storefronts, pushing a Decepticon trooper along with a lowered shoulder. He threw the battered robot away like a broken toy, and then laid into a knot of Decepticons unfortunate enough to be standing within arm's reach.

The savage sword of Grimlock rose and fell with deadly precision, hewing limbs and staving helms. The Decepticons faltered- for while they had the advantage of numbers, they hadn't been expecting to face such stiff resistance- especially after having so easily routing the puny organics earlier.

Grimlock made a sound somewhere between a growl and a laugh, and shoved his sword through a bearded sweep's chestplate. “Me
Grimlock glad you come! Me was afraid this stupid planet going be boring!”

“Woo! Look at him go!” Bumblebee stood a safe (relatively speaking) distance away from the carnage, holding a laser pistol casually by his side.

“Is he...always like that?” Applejack said.

“No,” Bumblebee cracked a grin. “Sometimes Grimlock gets mad.”

“Remind me to stay on his good side.” Applejack said.

“He's got one of those?” said Rainbow Dash.

“Eeeeeh.” Bumblebee made a back and forth motion with his free hand.

“Rargh!” Grimlock transformed to his saurian form and started to spew flame in all directions like some sort of murderous hell-sprinkler. The Decepticons didn't last long; Grimlock's furious assault sent them running (on fire, missing limbs, or occasionally both).

“So...uh, are we just gonna stand back n' watch?” asked Applejack.

“That's usually the best thing to do in a case like this,” said Bumblebee. “My sensors aren't detecting any life signs within those buildings- otherwise, I'd be pulling them out by now. Trust me, these Decepti-creeps aren't anything Grimlock can't handle.”

Rainbow Dash shielded her eyes against the afternoon sun, scanning Canterlot's rooftops. “What about that guy?” She pointed with her free hoof.

Bumblebee turned, and his expression fell.

“Okay, now we're in trouble.” Bumblebee said.

Several blocks away, perched atop Canterlot's premiere banquet hall, Galvatron watched his troops retreat. “Just like I always said, Cyclonus,” Galvatron muttered, “if you want something right, do it yourself!”

Galvatron cleared the few remaining blocks in a single bound, cratering the cobblestones beneath his metal boots. “Tremble in fear, Autobot, before the might of Galvatron!”

“Hhhrh?” Grimlock spat out a chunk of mangled metal. “Me Grimlock no scared of you!”

“Very brave, Dino-dolt. Very brave- and very stupid!” Galvatron snapped his cannon upwards and blazed away, battering Grimlock with a beam of purple energy. Grimlock reeled at the blow, smashing into a recently abandoned building. Bricks and timber cascaded all around the dinobot, and smoke rose from the fresh scorch mark on his armor. “Hn.” Grimlock muttered, and pushed himself upwards with his skinny dinosaur arms. “Me Grimlock felt that.”

“You'll be feeling more, too.” Galvatron swaggered over to Grimlock, and slapped him back to the ground with an imperious wave of his hand. “More pain!” The titanium tyrant leveled his cannon at Grimlock's head.

Before he could fire, laser blasts dinged off of Galvatron's armor, barely scratching the paint. “What!?” He thundered, wheeling about. “Who dares!”

“That'd be me!” Bumblebee sighted down the barrel of his pistol and planted a laser bolt right in the center of Galvatron's chest. “You can start running scared, if you like!”

“What's he doing?” Rainbow Dash said, aghast. “That big purple guy's gonna crush Bumblebee!”

“What heroic, foolish nonsense!” Galvatron spat. “I've beaten far stronger Autobots than you- surely you know you cannot hurt me!”

“Don't have to hurt ya.” Bumblebee lowered his pistol, still grinning. “Just had to get you to look this way.”

A large, sudden shadow loomed, and then Grimlock snapped his jaws shut on Galvatron's shoulder. The dinobot started to shake his head from side to side, whipping Galvatron off of his feet and shaking him like the world's most murderous chew toy. A final flick of Grimlock's neck sent Galvatron bouncing down the street.

“My turn!” Rainbow Dash cried from above. She flew a spiral around a nearby cloud, compressing it in to a small (and rather sloppy, by weather patrol standards) thunderhead- which she immediately shoved to a point above Galvatron. She jumped up and down on the cloud, squeezing out thunderbolts at random- which naturally gravitated to the largest piece of metal in the immediate vicinity. “Boosh! Boosh! Boosh!” Rainbow Dash cackled with each bolt. “Take that, ya big jerk!”

Galvatron's limbs jerked erratically as lightning cascaded over his purple and grey hull. Snarling, he forced himself upwards and swung at the cocky pegasus- Rainbow Dash zipped out of the way, but the swing of the Decepticon's hand dissipated her weaponized weather.

“Nyargh!” Galvatron snarled, and forced himself up to his feet. “Pathetic! Have you Autobots fallen so low as to let puny organics fight for you?”

Grimlock rumbled down the street, refolding into his robot mode, sword in one hand, double-barreled blaster in the other. “You Galvatron so bad you let tiny ponies beat you?”

“Just for that, I'll see this planet burn!” Galvatron lunged forward, changing into the galaxy's most dangerous artillery piece.

That's when he got hit by a truck.

Optimus Prime roared out of a side alley, and plowed straight into Galvatron. The cannon's barrel was forced upward, firing a hellish beam of purple energy into the sky.

Optimus Prime coolly transformed to robot mode, and leveled his energy rifle at Galvatron. “Give up now, Galvatron. You know how this ends.”

“Like it did in Autobot City?” Galvatron reflexively shifted to his robot mode, though he still sprawled awkwardly amidst the rubble. “Wasn't that when you died?”

“It didn't take.” Optimus' hand didn't waver. “Now give it up, Galvatron. There's no way you can win.”

Galvatron sized up the situation. Grimlock stood a short distance behind Optimus Prime, as if waiting his turn for another shot at the Decepticon commander. Sky Lynx circled overhead, his massive bulk dwarfing the figures flying in his wake; three Princesses, a half dozen Royal Guard Pegasi, and Cosmos (in his saucer form). Bumblebee, Perceptor, and Beachcomber had all taken up positions around the periphery of the battlefield, carrying laser pistols with time-honed ease.

“This isn't over, Prime!” Galvatron pointed his cannon at the ground and fired, surrounding himself in a cloud of charred ash. Using the smoke as cover, Galvatron took to the air and soared away from Canterlot. “Decepticons, Retreat!”

Bumblebee grinned. “I love it when they say that.”

Chapter 5

Canterlot Castle's War Room hadn't been used for its named purpose in centuries.

Technically speaking, the War Room still remained unused, as it was simply too small for the Autobots to enter. And so, a massive map table (more of a raised platform, so the Autobots wouldn't have to bend over as far to see it) had been set up in the middle of the South Ballroom. Rarity had even taken the opportunity to swap out some of the tapestries for camouflage netting, and moved in a few suits of ancient armor “for a properly martial ambiance,” as she put it. Between the seven Autobots, three princesses, and a good dozen other ponies of various importance, even the South War Room (nee' South Ballroom) had become rather crowded.

“WE MUST STRIKE OUR FOES WHILE WE STILL CAN!” Princess Luna slammed an angry hoof upon the map table. “WE SHALL CRUSH THE DECEPTICONS, SEE THEM DRIVEN BEFORE US, AND REVEL IN THE SWEET SOUND OF THEIR LAMENTATIONS!”

“Me Grimlock like her.”

Optimus Prime held up a hand. “There is no, 'we,' Princess Luna. I cannot in good conscience allow any ponies to get involved in this war.”

“It's too late for that.” Princess Celestia said, far calmer (and quieter) than her sister. “This isn't the first time Equestria has faced a crisis, and it won't be the last, either. I ask that you respect me, respect my Kingdom enough to allow us to help in any way we can. And if today's earlier skirmish was any indication, there appear to be more of them then there are of you. You need our help, Optimus, whether you like it or not.”

“You don't have to do this, Princess.”

“You're wrong.” Princess Celestia narrowed her eyes. “I do. If our positions were reversed, if one of my old enemies, of which there are many, were to threaten your world, your people, would you do any different?”

“Very well,” Optimus Prime's masked visage remained impassive, “but strictly in a non-combat capacity.”

“I can't promise that. I won't promise that. It's my responsibility, my honor as a Princess to defend my subjects. So long as Equestria is in danger, and so long as I still draw breath, I will fight. ”

“FIGHT, AND TRIUMPH!”

“Me Grimlock really like her.”

“Does she always talk like that?” Bumblebee asided to Rainbow Dash from their corner of the table. “Lady's gonna blow out my audio receptors at this rate.”

“Just when she gets excited.” Rainbow Dash said. “She's...kinda metal like that.”

“Funny, she looks organic to me.”

“Maaaaybe we're getting ahead of ourselves.” Twilight Sparkle spoke up. “I mean, do we even know where the Decepticons are? Or what they want? Surely, they couldn't have come all this way across the galaxy just to fight you.”

“You'd be surprised, Princess.” Optimus Prime said, weary. “But you're right- the Decepticons have probably set up base somewhere. We need to find it. Cosmos, we'll need you to act as our eyes in the sky.”

“Figures,” Cosmos grumbled, “I just barely got to this planet, and now it's back to the black. Story of my life.”

“There'll be plenty of time to socialize once the fighting's done, Cosmos.” Optimus Prime patted the shorter robot on the shoulder. “How soon can you get into position?”

“Not long at all. I'll radio you once I've reached a stable orbit.” Cosmos transformed into his saucer mode, and zipped out of an open window with surprising speed.

“I'll send out some of my own scouts as well.” Princess Celestia said, and raised a hoof before Optimus Prime could object. “They're smaller than your troops, Optimus, they know the terrain better, and there's a lot more of them. Only volunteers, of course.”

“The Wonderbolts are ready to fly.” Captain Spitfire spoke up from the other side of the table.

“Oooh! Oooh! Me too!” Rainbow Dash took to the air by reflex. “Pick me! Pick me! I volunteer to do whatever the Wonderbolts are doing!”

“Just remember, this is a scouting mission.” Celestia said, coolly. “Only observe. Do not engage the enemy.”

Captain Spitfire saluted. “Of course, Princess. As soon as we find the enemy, you'll know.” She took to the air and flew out the same window Cosmos did. Rainbow Dash followed, nearly stumbling over her own wings in eager anticipation.

Princess Celestia nodded her approval, and turned her attention back to the map. “As for the rest of us, all we can do is prepare our defenses. I've already sent messengers to warn the rest of the Kingdom, as well as the Crystal Empire.”

“I've fought Galvatron long enough to know how he thinks,” Optimus Prime said. “His pride won't let him move on to the rest of the planet until he's fought me.”

“So while we don't know where he is,” said Celestia, “we know where he'll strike.”

“Just not how.”

“We'll be ready for him, either way.” Princess Celestia raised her head, scanning the faces around the table. “Princess Twilight, I'm placing you in charge of the civilian evacuation. When the Decepticons strike, I don't want anypony caught in the crossfire.”

“Evacuate Canterlot?” Twilight sputtered, “but...there's thousands of ponies living here! The logistics alone-”

“-are why we need the most organized Princess in Equestria to handle them.”

Twilight blinked, as if a light switch had suddenly been thrown in her head. “Oh. Oh! When you put it that way, it sounds kind of fun! Well, you know, except for the terror of an oncoming army of alien space robots. You can count on me, Princess! I'll make this the fastest, most efficient, most orderly evacuation ever!” She nodded, resolute. “Spike! Get some paper! We've got checklists to write!”

Celestia allowed herself a proud, maternal smile before she looked over the table again. “Luna, you're in charge of inspecting our defenses.”

“THEY SHALL BE IMPENETRABLE!”

“Everypony, you have your orders.” Princess Celestia planted both her front hooves on the table and leaned forward. “Equestria is going to war.”

Miles upon miles away, Galvatron brooded on a hastily-carved throne of rock. A pair of green-hulled robots hovered about him, patching the holes Grimlock had chewed into his armor. They weren't the only robots at work- while a rough throne room had been carved out of the stone of a barren mountain, a dozen Decepticons still rushed this way and that, building their evil citadel, block by block.

“Cyclonus!” Galvatron's voice echoed off the walls of the crater. “Report!”

As bidden, Cyclonus crossed the rough-hewn floor and sunk to one knee before the throne. “The Constructicons have outdone themselves, Lord Galvatron. While we distracted the Autobots, they were able to build this base of operations.”

“Good, good...” Galvatron steepled his fingers, “and what of the....special project?” he said with barely contained glee.

“We have yet to find a suitable energy source, Lord.” Cyclonus said without flinching. “We must wait.”

“WHAT?! How dare you mock me with your insolence!”

“Not insolence, merely fact, Lord Galvatron. The energon we took from the organics' primitive energy grid was barely enough to cover the fuel spent in our assault.”

“If I wanted an accountant, I would've summoned Ratbat! I'm giving you just one chance to redeem yourself, Cyclonus, or I'll melt you where you stand!”

“I kneel before you, Lord Galvatron.” Cyclonus didn't take his optics off the floor.

“Semantics! Now, do you have any good news for me?”

“Soundwave's spies have reported in.” Cyclonus raised a hand, and a boxy blue figure stepped out of the shadows around the edge of the crater. A red mechanical vulture perched comfortably on his shoulder.

“Laserbeak, report.” Soundwave said in expressionless monotone. The red bird cawed, then sprang into the air. The panel on Soundwave's chest levered open, and Laserbeak transformed into a matching rectangular shape, sliding in effortlessly.

Soundwave's reels began to spin, and the gathered Decepticons listened intently as Laserbeak recounted every word of Celestia's war council.

“Well done, Cyclonus! You get to live another day!” Galvatron declared, triumphant. “Once again, the Autobots' sentimentality shall be their undoing! Without this so-called 'Princess Celestia' to lead them, the organics pitiful defenses shall crumble!” Galvatron stood suddenly, causing the Constructicons patching his armor to leap back in fear. Galvatron ignored them, and smiled with maniacal glee.

“It all comes together now! Bring Princess Celestia to me! Alive! I want to see the expression on her face as her pitiful kingdom burns!”

Chapter 6

Night fell over Canterlot.

Typically, this would signal a time of restful peace, the quiet only broken by the occasional cry of an owl, or the hoofsteps of a ceremonial guard by the gates.

That particular evening, of course, was anything but typical. The combined ranks of the Royal Guard and the Wonderbolts rushed about the castle, performing the hundreds of little tasks needed to prepare a castle for a siege.

Princess Celestia walked the ramparts, supervising. She had to be careful- if she got too close to any given guard, or if she started paying too much attention, they would invariably bow down until she dismissed them with an “at ease.”

“Princess Celestia!”

At least Twilight didn't bow, Celestia thought.

The purple alicorn fluttered over the wall and landed in front of Celestia. “The last evacuation train just left- it was a tight fit, but we managed to get everypony packed away. I kiiiind of requisitioned every hotel room in Manehattan to house everyone...it...shouldn't be for very long, should it? I want to make sure I budgeted enough to cover the cost.”

“If this lasts for more than a few days, Twilight, we'll have more to worry about than hotel bills.”

“You're right.”Twilight worried at her lower lip. “You're always right.”

“Don't say that, Twilight. I may be old, but I'm not infallible.”

“Oh. Okay.” Twilight fidgeted her wings again, and looked over her shoulder, suddenly nervous. More nervous, really. “In that case...can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Are you really sure this is the best idea?”

“What do you mean?”

“War.” Twilight blanched at the word, alien as it was to her lips.

“War is always terrible, Twilight. But we have no choice.”

“What if the Autobots just...left? Wouldn't the Decepticons follow them?”

“It's possible, yes. But it's also possible the Decepticons might attack us anyway, while our forces were split. The only way we're going to drive them from this planet is by working together.”

“I'm just worried. I've got the feeling Equestria won't be the same once this is all over.”

“Equestria is strong, Twilight. No matter what happens, we shall rebuild.”

“It's not the property damage I'm worried about. There's the socioeconomic implications of dealing with an alien race are one thing...but their technology! What if it gets into the wrong hooves?”

“We'll deal with that when we come to it.”

“That...sounds suspiciously like procrastinating.”

“Not procrastinating. Prioritzation.” Princess Celestia trotted down the battlements, heading around the lamplit castle. “I trust Optimus. He's dealt with similar situations before.”

“It's not Optimus Prime I'm worried about.” Twilight pointed across the courtyard, where Optimus Prime rushed across the castle as fast as he could without crushing anything important beneath his feet. (Given his definition of 'important,' Optimus made far slower progress than Grimlock would have).

“I'll handle this.” Celestia said, narrowing her eyes. “Twilight, why don't you check in on your friends? I'm sure they could use your help.”

“Of course, Princess.” Twilight nodded dutifully, and disappeared in a blink of magic.

Celestia braced herself with a deep breath, and headed towards the two metal titans- who were already arguing by the time she arrived.

“Grimlock, explain yourself.” Optimus demanded.

“Nothing to explain!” Grimlock managed to sound surlier than usual.

A few squads of royal guards had lined up as Grimlock began to dispense laser pistols from a crate. “Tiny ponies weak. No have guns. Me Grimlock fix.” The dinobot carelessly tossed a laser pistol to the ground, where three burly ponies muscled it into a cart and toted it off, making room for the next impromptu fire team.

“You know we can't do this.”

“Hnh? Why?”

“We can't hand out our technology to societies that aren't ready for them yet. Someone's bound to get hurt.”

“That the point. Guns for shooting Decepticons! Need more troops, so me Grimlock recruit! Just like on Paradron!”

“Paradron?”

“Us Autobots go there when you Optimus was dead.” Grimlock nodded. “Lots of Decepticons, so us Autobots give weak robots guns so they can fight too! Then planet blowed up.”

“You blew up the planet you were trying to save?”

“Not me Grimlock fault! Was Ultra Magnus idea!”

“...remind me to talk to Ultra Magnus when we get back to Cybertron.”

“What's going on?” Celestia gracefully landed upon Optimus Prime's shoulder.

“Me Grimlock give guns!”

“I'm sorry, Princess.” Prime's shoulders slumped, just a little, “Grimlock can be...overenthusiastic. I'll have my Autobots collect these weapons as soon as possible.”

“Of course. My guards will return them to you once this crisis has passed.”

“That's not what I meant, Celestia.”

“And that is what I meant, Optimus.” Celestia said with all the formality of an official decree. “Grimlock has the right idea- we're going to use every advantage we can against the Decepticons. I'm not going to claim this evens the playing field, but it's a start.”

“This isn't a a good idea,” said Optimus Prime.

“You Optimus Right. Not good idea. It GREAT idea!”

“Grimlock.” Optimus Prime slowly turned his steely glare on the dinobot. “Go. Now.”

“Hnnn. Fine,” Grimlock said, “Me Grimlock have better stuff to do anyway.” He tromped off, heavy footfalls wreaking havoc on the castle's once-immaculate lawn.

“Now, where were we?” Optimus said.

“Arguing.” Celestia flapped her wings, and came to a gentle hover at Optimus' eye level. “You're going to tell me that you're not going to have any deaths on your conscience, and then I'm going to tell you that my Royal Guard is made entirely of volunteers, and that they know what they're getting into. We'll probably go back and forth for hours without making any headway, and it'll all be a waste of time when there's entirely too much work for both of us to do. So why don't we just save ourselves the time and aggravation?”

“You can't see the future with your magic, can you?”

“No, I'm just a good judge of character.”

“Close enough.”

Optimus Prime looked down at the crews of ponies carting around such oversized weaponry. “And you're sure this won't set off an arms race on your planet?”

“I promise you, I'll return every last bolt of Autobot technology when this is said and done.”

“Very well.” Optimus said, and held up a finger, “we'll loan you these weapons...but on one condition.”

“And that is?”

“You need to get some rest.”

Celestia blinked. “I'm fine.”

“I'm not an expert on organic physiology, but my sensors indicate you're well off of your baselines from when we first met. When's the last time you slept?”

“I can stay awake for days.” Celestia said, weary but proud. “This is nothing.”

“That may be true, but there's no sense in wearing yourself out when you don't have to. You owe it to your subjects to be in top condition when the Decepticons make their next move. Now would be the best time to recharge your batteries- figuratively speaking.”

“Very well.” Celestia allowed herself a tired smile. “But you will send somepony to wake me up as soon as anything changes. Anything.”

“Of course.”

Celestia began to fly towards her tower, and then looked back over her shoulder. “One more thing, Optimus.”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

Princess Celestia's bedchamber didn't look like it belonged to a Princess.

She liked it that way.

The room was spacious, and the balcony had the square footage of the average dorm room, but Celestia kept the décor simple. This had caused no small amount of consternation to a long line of ambitious designers, but Princess Celestia had maintained a simple lifestyle for centuries. A desk, several well-stocked bookshelves, a perch for her pet phoenix, and a large (and decidedly uncanopied) bed were all she needed.

But, even as minimalist as Celestia's chambers were, there was still enough room for a tiny red cassette tape to sit unseen behind a row of history books. Celestia paid the alien technology no heed as she walked into the room, removed her crown and gorget, and flopped down onto her bed.

Optimus was right, she realized. She was tired. And with siege preparations underway, it wouldn't hurt to get a few hours of rest while she still could. She soon dozed off into a fitful sleep.

The cassette unfolded, silently, impossibly growing into an imposing metal bird, bristling with sharp edges and weaponry. One of the cannons along Laserbeak's back swiveled into position, and fired into the ceiling above Celestia's bed.

The weapon itself was silent, but its shell burst with a soft pop- enough to wake Celestia. She sat up, eyes going wide- but soon, the faintly glowing green dust from the shell enveloped her. Before Celestia could so much as raise her voice, the specially formulated soporific took over, dragging Celestia back to unconsciousness.

If he had lips, Laserbeak would have smiled.

The bird glided across the room and grabbed Celestia in his claws. He applied extra power to his anti-gravity engines, and swooped out through the balcony, keeping to the long shadows of Canterlot's towers, unseen by the passing pegasus patrols.

Once clear of the castle, Laserbeak took his regal prisoner to a quiet, empty forest grove several miles away, where Soundwave waited. Laserbeak cawed in triumph, the only sound he'd made in the last several hours. He dropped the still-unconscious Celestia into Soundwave's hands, and then transformed back to his cassette mode, sliding easily into the larger Decepticon's chest.

“Soundwave to Galvatron,” The communications specialist touched the side of his helmet, activating his long-range radio. “Mission accomplished. Target secure.”

“Excellent!” Galvatron's voice crackled over the radio in turn. “Remind me to commend Mixmaster for concocting his sleep-powder so quickly! Pathetic organic creatures, their very bodies a weakness. Ha! Now, proceed with the second phase of the plan.”

“Affirmative. Patching into Autobot frequencies...now.”

“Prime!” Galvatron bellowed into his radio, “Hear me, and tremble!”

“Patching into my private frequency?” The Autobot leader's voice remained steady in contrast to Galvatron's yelling. “What's wrong, Galvatron? Too afraid to face me in person?”

“Don't waste your time trying to taunt me, Optimus- we shall meet again in due time! But now, these words are for you and you alone-”

“Save your fuel, Galvatron- I've got better things to do than to listen to you.”

“Like what? Like more plotting with this pathetic organic monarch the natives bow to? These tiny quadrapeds make me sick.”

“You leave Celestia out of this.”

“Too late, Prime! For I have stolen this Princess out from your very nose!”

“Kidnapping? That's a new low, even for you, Galvatron.”

“Not as low as you, Prime! Speaking to such feeble, useless creatures, as if they were our equals. Bah! But even such germs have their use- as bargaining chips! Come to these cooridnates, Optimus. Alone. Unarmed. Or else Princess Celestia is doomed. The choice is yours!” Galvatron began to cackle.

Optimus Prime cut the signal.

Chapter 7

A massive red truck rolled out of the woods, coming to a halt at the foot of a craggy, barren mountain. On cue, an easy two dozen Decepticons stepped out of their hiding spaces along the top of the crater. They held their weapons ready, wary.

The truck reared back, sprouting limbs, and in a moment Optimus Prime stood in his robot mode.

“Ah, Prime!” Galvatron gloated, “Just on time! I knew you'd come! Sentimentality has always been your greatest weakness.”

“And arrogance has always been yours.” Prime's faceplate didn't flinch, even as he stared down countless weapon barrels.

“It's not arrogant if it's the truth. Conquest is nothing less than my destiny, and I shall crush everything that stands in my path!”

“Enough talk. Where's Princess Celestia?”

“Ah, yes, the organic! Don't worry, Prime- she's safe...and she'll remain that way, so long as you comply!”

Optimus Prime narrowed held out his empty hands. “If that's what it takes to keep her safe, so be it.”

“Bah!” Galvatron stepped forward, and slid down the slope of the mountain. His massive feet dug twin furrows through the loose rock and sent fragmented pebbles scattering in all directions. He came to a halt in front of Optimus Prime, and jabbed a metal finger into Prime's chest. “You nauseate me, Autobot. You and all your kind, the way you fawn over these pathetic organic germs.” He spun around, and snapped his fingers- at which point a hidden doorway opened up in the side of the mountain. “Now, follow me, Prime! There's something I want you to see, before I melt you down!”

Two sweeps landed behind Optimus Prime and jabbed him in the back with their laser rifles. Together, the robots walked through the cramped tunnel, and then out into the crater itself. The whole inside of the mountain had been plated with metal, with cybertonian technology spreading in all directions, like the greedy roots of a chrome-plated vine. Lights flashed, electrodes crackled,

Princess Celestia was in the center of it all, encased in a shimmering cube of energy, from which tangled braids of cable and conduit stretched to larger banks of machinery. She was still asleep, wings curled about her like a shield. She fretfully twitched every now and again, sensing the danger even in her unconsciousness.

“Celestia!” Optimus Prime clenched his massive fists, causing the more sensible Decepticons present to cringe. “So help me, Galvatron, if you've hurt her...”

“Spare me your prattling, Autobot. Your precious organic is fine- at least, so much as such a lesser life form can be. In fact, I've made sure to keep her in perfect condition- she'd not serve my purpose, otherwise!”

“You've got me- you don't need a hostage anymore.”

“Ha! You think too small, Prime! I'd originally planned on merely disintegrating this lower life form before your optics...but then my scientists brought a very particular fact to my attention.” Galvatron circled around Celestia's prison, smiling viciously. “Did you know, Optimus, that these contemptible, carbon-based life forms contain a potentially unlimited source of energy? I believe they call it 'magic' or 'friendship' or some equally primitive term. If our predictions are true, a single one of these so-called 'ponies' is just as potent as a fusion reactor...that is, with the right motivation!” Galvatron slammed his hand onto the top of Celestia's prison. She jolted to wakefulness, blinking the drowsiness from her eyes.

“Optimus!” Her blue eyes focused on the Autobot leader. It took her a moment more to register the Decepticons standing behind him. Her horn glowed, and she slammed a beam of raw magical energy into the shimmering walls of her cell. The walls of her cubical prison shattered, and energy went coursing through the crater, channeled by the cabling to waiting banks of blinking machinery.

“No!” Optimus Prime pivoted on a heel, laying out one of his sweep guards with a single punch. He fell upon the second Decepticon next and yanked his laser pistol out of his grip. Optimus Prime pumped a few rounds into the Sweep, then spun on Galvatron again.

Galvatron grabbed a nearby Decepticon, using him as a shield as Optimus Prime blazed away.

“You don't scare me, Prime!” lied Galvatron, “Try as you might, there's only one of you, and dozens of us!”

“Two of us,” said Princess Celestia. “That should be more than enough.”

Princess Celestia stretched her wings and took to the air, glowing with solar energy. Her telekinetic beam hit Galvatron in the side, slamming him into the crater's interior wall.

“Kill them!” Galvatron ranted as he pushed himself back to his feet. “Both of them!”

Optimus Prime took cover behind a pile of cybertonian machinery, snapping off quick, deadly blasts with his stolen pistol. Celestia crossed the crater in a golden blur, and set to hovering over Optimus Prime's shoulder.

“Run, Princess! I'll cover you!” Prime said between laser blasts.

“I'm not leaving you here!”

“You can fly, I can't. It's that simple. I'll be fine.”

“That's a lie and you know it.”

“Got me there.” Optimus Prime ducked down as a few Constructicons fired another salvo in his direction. “Now go- your subjects need you.”

“Right now, you need me more than they do.” Celestia snapped her head to the side, horn flaring with heavenly light. She burned a hole through a Sweep who'd been trying to creep around to a flaking position. “Who else is going to watch your back?”

“Not interrupting anything, am I?” A long shadow fell over the crater as Sky Lynx began a circular, almost liesurely descent. A few stray laser blasts bounced off his hull and wings, but soon, Sky Lynx came to a hover a short distance above the ground.

Sky Lynx opened his landing hatch, and Grimlock stomped out, leaping down to the ground (and on top of a hapless Decepticon). The rest of the Autobot delegation followed, laying down cover fire with expertise born of years of fighting. It was the sort of image Optimus Prime had seen uncounted times before in his eons of existence- though the addition of several ponies flying alongside his troops was a new one. Princess Luna and Princess Twilight Sparkle shot out of Sky Lynx's hold, each glimmering with the deadly shine of battle magic. Once the squad was clear, Sky Lynx switched to his draconian mode, and brought his not-inconsiderable firepower to bear.

“I thought I left orders for you to stay at the castle.” Optimus Prime said.

“Me Grimlock no listen.” The dinobot's faceplate was expressionless, but it sounded like he was smiling. He tossed a familiar black energy rifle at the Autobot leader.

“Technically, that's mutiny.” Optimus plucked the gun out of the air and promptly turned it on the Decepticons.

“Not first time!” Grimlock transformed into a dinosaur and spewed flame at the Decepticons. “Probably not last, either Haw haw!”

“SISTER! ART THOU WOUNDED?” Luna landed beside Celestia, eyes wide with concern.

“Don't worry, I'm alright.” Celestia smiled wanly, despite the chaos unfolding all around her. “You don't need to worry about me.”

“TO BATTLE, THEN! HAVE AT YOU, KNAVES!” Luna launched herself into a knot of Decepticons, smashing into them with the overwhelming force of a tidal wave. The purple robots scattered in all directions, smoking from the scorch marks Luna's magic left on them.

“Me Grimlock think me in love.”

“Not now, big guy!” Bumblebee scrambled out from behind Grimlock's knees and fired his blaster in the general direction of the oncoming Decepticons.

While outnumbered, the Autobots and ponies made up for it with audacious bravery. Every Autobot on the field blazed away at the Decepticons. Even Beachcomber fought on, despite the queasy look he got every time he pulled the trigger. Soon, the Decepticons were pushed back, many fleeing over the edge of the crater.

The Autobots regrouped during a lull in the battle, falling into position with practiced ease. They kept their weapons ready, facing outward

“Autobots, report.” Optimus Prime rumbled.

Perceptor looked up from the sights of his rifle. “I took the liberty of performing a preliminary analysis of the impromptu fortifications the Decepticons have established-”

“Today, Perceptor.” Bumblebee said.

“They've built a space bridge!” blurted Perceptor. “Bigger than any I've ever seen before. The good news is, the energy budget for such a device is prohibitive- there's no way the Decepticons could stockpile the fuel needed to activate the space bridge in such a short period of time, especially from an early-industrial civilization like this one.”

Galvatron's face flickered to life on a dozen terminal screens scattered throughout the crater. “Wrong, Autobot! Don't think you've won- for just one of these puny organic creatures has already yielded enough energy to seal your fate!” The machinery of the space bridge began to crackle and hiss with stored energy as it began to bludgeon the laws of time and space to its liking.

“Stupid computer. Me Grimlock smash!”

“Grimlock, no!” Twilight Sparkle swooped down in front of the dinobot before he could demolish it. “You can't break the matter-dimensional transferrence once the sequence is started, or else you could tear the entire planet apart!”

“How you know?”

“Perceptor's been filling me in on the basics.”

“And you're a most astute student, Princess Twilight Sparkle.”

“Why, thank you!”

“Ahem.” Princess Celestia nudged Twilight, “While I'm glad you're learning, we have more important things to worry about.”

“Indeed you do!” Galvatron sneered from the viewscreen. “The space bridge will open in a matter of moments, and thus, it shall seal your doom! MWA HA HA HA!”

The space bridge machinery began to hum, its deep resonance enough to shake even Sky Lynx's bolts. Great gusts of wind began to whip through the crater, strong enough to lift up rocks and gravel in a stinging, painful vortex.

“Quickly, everyone inside!” Sky Lynx transformed to his shuttle mode, and Autobots and Princesses alike piled into his passenger bay. As soon as Optimus Prime's feet hit the loading ramp, Sky Lynx blasted off, taking to the air.

Below them, the entire crater began to glow with otherworldly energy, until a column of light shot up into the sky like a focused volcano. A vortex of sand and dust swirled around the crater, blocking it from view. Hurricane force winds buffeted Sky Lynx, rattling his passengers inside like so many loose toys.

“Brace yourselves!” Sky Lynx yelled over the apocalyptic din. The Autobots grabbed hold of whatever they could, narrowly avoiding crushing each other, or their equestrian allies.

Sky Lynx put on another burst of bone-jarring acceleration, and blasted free of the space bridge's vortex.

There was a final, blinding flash of light, and the turbulence quit entirely.

“What happened?” Twilight fluttered up to one of Sky Lynx's windows, peering eagerly outside. “Oh no.”

The dust slowly began to settle, and a massive, shadowy thing began to become visible. Twilight could barely comprehend the scale. Dwarfing even Sky Lynx, the thing that came out of the space bridge was the biggest thing she'd ever seen. It was the size of a city, of a mountain, but it was moving. A single, massive footstep caused a minor quake that could be felt from miles away. Then another. Then another.

Details soon became visible- the metal beast was vaguely draconian in shape, only made of hard angles and unfeeling metal. Artillery of all sorts bristled from every surface, their barrels tracking steadily back and forth, searching for targets.

Galvatron stood triumphantly on the nose of the cyclopean metal dragon, and cackled.

“Behold, Autobots, the instrument of your destruction! TRYPTICON!”

Author's Note

In case you're not a Transformers nerd, this is Trypticon.

Yes, our heroes are in trouble.

Chapter 1

“Somethin's out there.” Applejack squinted into the darkness, green eyes scanning the shadowed treeline for any sign of movement.

“I don't see anything.” Rainbow Dash grumbled. “This is a waste of time. Have I mentioned I could be sleeping right now? 'cuz I could totally be sleeping right now.”

“Quiet, Rainbow.” Applejack hissed, “You're gonna scare it off!” She reached over and pulled the blue pegasus deeper into the camoflauged blind they'd set up near the edge of the cow pasture.

“Scare off what?”

“Whatever's out there. The thing that spooked all them cattle folk few hours ago.”

“Won't that be a good thing? That thing scares the cows, we scare it, and then everything's back to normal? And then I can go to bed?”

“That ain't the point. We're here ta figger out just what in tarnation's 'causin' all this ruckus. N' we ain't gonna find out a danged thing iffin' you keep complainin'. Why'd ya even volunteer for this gig iffin' you're losin' sleep over it anyway?”

“One,” Rainbow Dash said, “you're one of my best friends, Applejack, so you know I was totes gonna help. Two, I thought a stakeout would be cooler! Like, we'd totally see some crimes happening, and then we could swoop in and stop it, BAM.”

“Ain't nobody's gonna do any crimes when you're goin' on like that.”

“That's right! They're all scared of me!”

“Iffin' I agree with you, will you shut up?”

“Yes!” Rainbow Dash smiled in victory, and then blinked. “Heeeey, waitaminute-”

Before she could complain any more, a light swept over the landscape. The two ponies squinted against the sudden brightness as a spotlight erratically whipped back and forth, illuminating random spots of ground, clear as day. At the other end of the column of light, the vaguest of shapes could be seen against the night sky- something big and round.

“Uh. Applejack?” said Rainbow Dash, “is it just me, or does that look like a flying saucer?”

“It's a flyin' somethin' or another, ya got that much right.”

“Now what?” Rainbow Dash flapped her wings in anticipation. “Think I should buzz it? I mean, it looks fast, but I'm way faster than any
glorified frisbee.”

“Pretty sure that's a bad idea.” Applejack said, and hunkered down in her hiding spot. “I say we lay low for now, and get Twilight once it's gone. I got a feelin' she's gonna wanna know 'bout this. Whatever it is. Now quiet down, else it's gonna hear us.”

“It's all the way on the other side of the field. No way it's gonna find us.”

The saucer locked its spotlight on the two hiding ponies as if the brush they cowered behind wasn't even there. The light grew brighter and brighter as it slowly hovered in, leaving both Rainbow Dash and Applejack wishing they'd brought some kind of magical weaponry with them.

Without any warning, the light cut out- there was a strangely familiar sequence of sounds, and the saucer twisted and unfolded into a stout, barrel-chested humanoid. It still towered over the two baffled ponies, landing upon the grassy earth hard enough for Rainbow Dash and Applejack to feel it in their hooves. Blue eyes stood out in the dark as it leaned close. “TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER.”

Rainbow Dash and Applejack just stared

He broke into laughter mere moments later. “Oh, I'm sorry, I've always wanted to say that. But seriously, I need to talk to whoever's in charge.”

“Like I said,” Applejack said through a suddenly dry mouth. “We should get Twilight.”

“Uh. Yeah. Twilight. We'll get her. You just...stay here, okay? Not that I'm scared of you following or anything but I just don't want you to freak out anypony else if you follow us into town. Which you won't, 'cause you're staying here. Please?”

“Sure thing!” The blue eyed space creature said.

“Okay cool so just stay here and don't do anything and we'll be back later bye!” With that, Rainbow Dash grabbed hold of Applejack and took off in a prismatic blur.

“Well,” the Space Alien mused to himself, “That went better than expected.”

“Okay everyone,” said Princess Twilight Sparkle, “just relax! We're just dealing with a close encounter of the third kind, which thankfully, I have made a contingency plan for! I've even got a checklist and everything.” She said with no small degree of pride. After Applejack and Rainbow Dash's frantic explanation, Twilight wasted no time in gathering the rest of her friends before setting back out towards where they'd left the strange visitor.

“Sounds fun!” Pinkie Pie said.

“If you say so,” Rarity circled around Twilight and fussed with her mane. “Honestly, darling, are you sure you don't have time for me to do your makeup? I promise, I'll make you look absolutely regal.”

“I'm sorry, Rarity, but there just isn't enough time. Now, everyone, just be calm, and let me do the talking. I'm the only one here who's had time to memorize a Universal Greeting.”

“A universal whatnow?” Said Pinkie Pie.

“No time to explain. There he is!” Twilight said, as they rounded a corner.

Sure enough, the bulky figure stood waiting in the middle of the cowfield, only lit by the eerie blue glow of his eyes. Twilight waved her
friends back, and then trotted out to meet the towering creature. She held her head high and flared her wings in an effort to look as graceful and regal as Princess Celestia did on these sort of formal occasions.

“Klaatu barada nickto,” said Twilight.

“Bah weep gra nah weep ni ni bong!” said the Space Alien.

“Pinkie Pie, does this make any sense to you?” Said Fluttershy.

“It sounds like Twilight's talking to a baby! But that would be the biggest baby I've ever seen! And he's made of metal, too! I love babies, but I've never seen a metal baby before. But maybe he's not a baby and they're just speaking a language I don't know. Like French!”

“That's not French.” Rarity noted.

“Then what n' tarnation is it?” Applejack said.

“Maybe we could listen and find out?” Fluttershy murmured.

“I am Princess Twilight Sparkle.” Twilight said, stepping forward. “Allow me to extend my official welcome to Equestria.”

“Oh, please, don't be formal.” The Visitor waved his thick fingers. “It's been too long a flight to fall back on protocol.”

“Just...how long of a flight was it?” Twilight let her curiosity get the best of her.

“Oh-” The Space Alien looked upward. “A few hundred thousand light years, at least. And boy, are my arms tired!”

Six ponies stared.

“You're not one of those primitive planets that hasn't invented humor yet, are you?”

“More like we've invented better jokes.” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“Ahem.” Twilight shot a glare over her shoulder at Rainbow, and then turned back to the green and yellow humanoid. “Don't mind my friends. They're just a little on edge- the last time we had a...visitor from another planet, it was a little...difficult.”

“Yeah, I bet. Grimlock's a handful on the best of days.”

“Wait.” Twilight Sparkle squinted up at the strange metal figure. “You know Grimlock?”

“Oh, sure, everyone does. He's kind of hard to miss.”

“We're doomed.” Fluttershy squeaked before hiding behind Rainbow Dash.

“But don't worry! I'm a lot nicer than he is. Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't even introduce myself. My name's Cosmos.” He crouched down and thrust his hand out to Twilight. She tentatively touched a hoof to Cosmos' rounded fingers, approximating a hoofshake as best she could with the metal biped. Now that he was crouched down, he looked a lot less intimidating- even awkward. Closer now, Twilight could see the odd red face-glyph emblazoned on his chest- the same one that had marked Grimlock, the monstrous warrior who had crash landed on Equestria nearly two years earlier. Still, Twilight thought, Cosmos seemed a lot...nicer.

“It's a pleasure to meet you, Cosmos.” Twilight said.

“I probably should have introduced myself earlier, shouldn't I?” Cosmos managed to look embarrassed- a feat all the more impressive given his lack of a visible mouth. “Sorry. I'm kind of new to this whole 'diplomat' thing.”

“To be honest, I'm a little new at this myself. I wasn't expecting, um, company.”

“That's okay! That's actually why I came here, to give you a head's up.”

“A head's up...about what?”

“Optimus Prime would like to visit Equestria.”

Meanwhile, across the galaxy, on a blasted world aptly named Chaar, a mad tyrant brooded on his throne, while his most loyal subject bowed on the stone floor before him.

“Lord Galvatron, I bring valuable intelligence.”

“Intelligence, Cyclonus? That's a rare thing to come from the lot of you idiots. Speak!”

“The Autobots are on the move, Lord Galvatron. Soundwave's spies report Optimus Prime is preparing an interstellar expedition- a diplomatic mission, by the look of it.”

“Diplomacy, bah! Typical Autobot mewling. Why should I care?”

“Optimus Prime is taking a small group of Autobots to an isolated planet, on the far side of the galaxy. So far from their base on Cybertron, it would be easy to isolate them from reinforcement-”

“-and I could destroy Optimus Prime! A brilliant idea, Cyclonus! I'm glad I thought of it.” Galvatron stood, and swept a hand through the air, as if posing for the benefit of some hidden camera. “Ready the troops! It's been too long since I've conquered a new world! Set course for-” Galvatron paused. “Where, exactly, is Optimus Prime headed?”

“A planet known as 'Equestria,' lord.”

“Set course for Equestria! Victory awaits!”