Princess Luna had just finished a busy day of visiting the spa and throwing up in the toilet after a mean taco she had devoured earlier that day. She had to wave to her fans and wish everypony a peaceful slumber as she began to raise the moon, and then she began her long walk back to her chambers. Yep. A princess’ work is never done.
“Luna,” Celestia called out as she caught up to Luna from behind. The younger sibling sighed as she stopped, Celestia stopping just beside her. “The griffons are getting rowdy at the eastern border and my hooves are full cleaning up after that arson that took place in Manehatten. Could you take a small squad with you and enter negotiations with their leader?”
“Oh, gee, Sis, I’d love to, but y’see, there is, uhhhhhh… A SISTERLY FEUD!”
Celestia slammed a hoof into her face and slowly dragged it down. “… And?”
“Well, somepony has to end it! It’s gone on for like an entire night!”
Celestia grinded her teeth together as a vein began to pop in her head. “Luna, I’m pretty sure this takes priority over-”
“Bye!” Luna vanished before Celestia could argue her case any further.
Celestia grumbled as she searched her mind for a anypony who could fill in for her sister. The only pony of royal status who she could reach at such hours was Blueblood. “… One of these days, you will have to do your duties, Luna.”
Celestia and Luna stood face-to-face in the castle’s hallway, a couple of maids bowing as they walked by. Luna cleared her throat. “Well?” Celestia asked.
“Well what?” Luna returned.
“I’ve got work for you to do. Aren’t you going to come up with some ‘great emergency’ in order to avoid-”
“Oh, Sis!”
“Here it comes…”
“Apple Bloom is, uh, worried about her cutie mark!”
Celestia burst a vessel as blood filled her eye. “SHE ALWAYS IS! THAT’S ALL SHE EVER DOES!” Celestia huffed and puffed and tried Cadence’s method of coping with stress. It wasn’t working. “Y’know what?! Forget it! Go! Fucking. Go! I’ll just tell the orphanage that you were ‘too busy’ to allocate any funding to them!”
The hallway was empty, save for Celestia. Luna had left long before Celestia could finish.
“… I wish I could fire her.”
A knock came at Luna’s door. Luna groaned and climbed out of her bed, throwing her bag of potato chips to the side. She cleaned up her mane and straightened her crown. Whoever was bothering her had better have had a good reason…
“Sister,” Celestia greeted as the door opened.
“Oh, hey, Celestia,” Luna replied with a smile, rushing outside so that she could hide her mess of a room from her sister’s sight. “What brings you here so late?”
“I have a job for you.”
Luna’s eye twitched. “O-Oh?”
“You see, there’s civil dispute in Manehatten. The weather ponies are protesting and not doing their jobs and the unicorns feel they’re being underpaid for their service, so there’s no magic either.”
“Sounds like a job for their mayor,” Luna said.
“Riots have broken out and the Royal Guard have had to evacuate him,” Celestia explained. “Normally I would go myself to ease the situation, but I’m afraid that Blueblood’s nephew is having a bad dream and needs my immediate attention.”
Luna frowned. “You think that trumps a-” She stopped herself and bit her lip. “I-I mean, I would love to go, but I can’t.”
“Oh?”
“Y-Yeah. There’s a colt in Ponyville who has a crush on a filly-”
“Oh yes, young Pipsqueak. I’m so glad that Twilight was able to help him out.”
“… What?”
“You see, Luna, I care for my subjects, too. And I have my own way of dealing with unexpected problems.” Celestia gave a challenging grin that said ‘your move’.
Luna grunted. “W-What I meant to say was that there’s a filly who shoplifted some candy and is feeling guilty about it-”
Celestia giggled. “Twilight and Twist did look cute together. Almost like sisters.”
“Oh? That too? Then I suppose I can now help that one colt who can’t get any sleep-”
“Don’t you worry,” Celestia said, laying a hoof on her sister’s shoulder. “Twilight assured me that little Pound Cake has received plenty of warm milk and is now sleeping like… well, a baby.”
“… Touché, Sister,” Luna said after a long moment of silence.
“Well, now that all of those terrible problems are taken care of, perhaps you could spare a moment for this minor little trivial civil war in Manehatten?”
Luna huffed and walked past her sister. “But it’s harrrrrrrd.”
“Too bad! Now do your job or so help me Twilight will replace you!”
Luna stopped and turned to her sister with a shocked look on her face. She then tapped her chin in thought and asked, “Does that mean I get her job of sitting in a library reading books all day?”
Celestia’s mane ignited as she shot a fierce glare at her sister. “GO!” she bellowed, with such force that her sister almost lost her hoofing. With a sheepish grin, Luna nodded her head and teleported out of the castle. Celestia sighed and walked down the castle’s hallway, a proud, victorious look on her face.
“Princess Celestia, Princess Celestia!” Celestia stopped and turned to face her advisor, rushing towards her with sweat dripping down his face and his mane in disarray. “Emergency, Princess! There’s a monster stomping across Equestria, and it’s about to trample of Detrot!”
“I understand,” Celestia said, extending her wings. “Send Twilight at once!”
“Right, I’ll- … What?” Before he knew it, Celestia was gone, and he was alone in the hallway. With a sigh, the stallion began to write a letter to Twilight.
Princess Luna was the best princess throughout the land. Ever since her return, she had bestowed bat wings on her personal pegasus guards and played games with her lowly subjects on Nightmare Night, to show her friendliness. She sang with Celestia and left the Crystal Empire to Twilight. But most of all, she was more dedicated to her work than anypony else-
“Luna,” Celestia called out, stopping Luna in her tracks as she approached with a clipboard and some paper. “I have a task for you. I need you to review this decree,” she said as she levitated a huge stack of papers into the air, “Make any necessary amendments and sign the dotted lines on pages one, three, four, twice on five, seven, eight, nine-”
“Oh, gee, Sis!” Luna took a step back and scratched the back of her neck. “Gee, I’d love to, but you see, there’s an emergency!”
Celestia looked up from her clipboard and raised an eyebrow. “What kind of emergency?”
“Well, y’see, there’s, uh… a filly! Who’s, um, afraid of the dark!” Celestia stared at her sister with a frown. “So I should… go… and help her…”
“…” Celestia simply watched as her sister disappeared without another word. “… This’s bullshit,” she grumbled as she pulled the decree to her face and scrutinized it for several seconds. “Oh well. I guess we’ll just have to cancel our allegiance with Saddle Arabia.”
