Drop Bombs and Float On

by Fuzzyfurvert

Rating: everyone
Tags: Maud Pie, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 967

Looking back, the Grand Galloping Gala wasn't so bad. Even if she did get used as an emergency rowboat.

There are a lot of things Maud Pie could regret. Spending time with her sister Pinkie is not one of those things. Neither is going to a fancy party, like the Grand Galloping Gala.

Written for the May 2015 WriteOff: "I Regret Nothing."

Published 2015-05-28 22:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-28 22:00:02 UTC

Zero Regrets...Mostly

If you were to ask me how the event went, I would probably just say 'It all happened so fast.'

In retrospect, that seems like an odd way to signify the event. Most things happen ‘fast’ on a geological time scale. When it comes to speed, it wasn’t really that fast either. Pinkie Pie can assemble an entire surprise party from nothing in less time, so categorizing the event by relative speeds seems utterly pointless now.

Maybe I should look at it like a new rock. Well, a rock that’s new to me. Rocks are old compared to most things. Truth versus perception is confusing.

What I mean is that I should probably categorize the event in a way similar to rocks. It was...metamorphic. That means it started as one type of event and became another due to outside forces. Which is probably why it is hard to categorize.

It started pretty normal. Pinkie had on a pretty dress. Mine was comfortable. The punch was nice. The bakery that my sister works for handled some of the catering, so the food was good too. There was dancing, which is also normal, but then there was comedy. Pinkie Pie tells me that is normal too. I’m not sure this kind of comedy is normal, but I trust my sister to know better than I do when it comes to that stuff.

Discord used a brick backdrop. I prefer natural rocks, but brick is traditional for stand-up routines. Pinkie Pie told me that too. She also told me that “You’re the most basic of jokes” was a sick burn and it made her smile. I like it when I can make Pinkie Pie laugh. Personally, I thought it was stone cold. But hey, I’m just a geologist, not an expert at jokes.

I don't regret saying it. Discord was being a pebble-headed dink to everypony, especially Pinkie's friend Fluttershy. She's a very nice pony and I like her. There is a lesson he still needs to learn about friends hanging out with different sets of friends that have different ideas about fun. It's okay though. Even I know that one.

The event I am failing at properly categorizing is this year’s Grand Galloping Gala. My sister was invited and took me along as her plus one. Or maybe as her date. I can never tell with Pinkie. I was a bit put off by the gesture, as I was in the middle of some studies. But leave it to Pinkie to remind me that the Gala would give me the opportunity to take a closer look at the marble Princess Celestia favored for the castle. If nothing else, it would help me settle a bet.

I barely got any time at all to look at the marble on the dance floor, but that’s okay. Even if I don’t win the bet, I’ll be able to say I visited the castle. It’s not like it’s a lot of bits anyway. And I got more laughs than Discord. That’s almost as interesting as the marble.

And I get to spend time with Pinkie and her interesting friends. I like that.

Categorizing the Gala like a rock doesn’t really fit. Maybe it’s more like a fossil? No, that doesn’t really fit either. So, perhaps a better qualifier would be the pleasantly mud-like quality the smooze had?

Pardon me, Smooze. Capital ‘S’ because it...he...I think, is a sentient creature and not merely an environment condition slash hazard. Though I suppose the Smooze is that too. Pronouns are confusing.

The Smooze exploded all over the place. It got in my mane. It was like taking a warm mud bath. I like mud baths. Pinkie Pie has never been a big fan of them though. She finds it kind of difficult to get the mud out of her mane. I think she looks good covered in mud, but thankfully, she was showing me her new table dance routine when it happened, so she didn’t get much on her.

But the Smooze was everywhere and if Pinkie’s friends needed her for any of their interesting hero work, she would need to get closer to them. Always the forward thinking one, Pinkie brought an oar with her to steer through the Smooze. I like that she’s always thinking. I like how she plans things out. I might be the geologist in the family, but Pinkie Pie is the one that is never caught unprepared for flooding inside a castle high up on a mountainside.

She even thought ahead about using my pumice-like ability to float in thick, viscous semi-liquids.

I have never been a row boat before. I...didn’t hate it. It was weird. But a fun sort of weird. The Smooze got inside my dress, but that’s ok. It...he...it came out later when that other pony made noises at it. Him. Whichever. I wonder if real rowboats care about getting wet?

If I am ever used as a row boat again, I expect it will be at a party with my sister. I wonder if it’ll be in cake batter next time? Or maybe frosting? That seems like a safe bet. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been covered in frosting. Plus I am a fan of big fancy parties, like Pinkie Pie’s.

Sometimes, other ponies wonder how I can put up with Pinkie Pie and the things that happen around her. I just tell them I love my sister. She can be a hoof-full, but that doesn’t bother me. My sister is sweet and I like her and her interesting friends. If there is anything I regret, it’s not spending more time with my family and friends.

And maybe not finding Boulder a dress good enough to show off at the Gala.