Parchment Scroll Gets Twitterpated

by Parchment_Scroll

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1735

A series of microfics from @ParchmentScroll

Every day on Twitter, I throw out story idea after story idea (#PonyStoryIdea). Some are ideas I think have merit, but I am unwilling or unable to invest time in. Others are just plain silly. Every once in a while, though, I will take one and run with it... on Twitter.

This is a series of extremely short stories, unrelated except for that origin.

Published 2012-05-20 14:24:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-24 04:35:27 UTC

Story 1: My Little Muffins (5-18-2012)

My Little Muffins - a microfic by Parchment Scroll

It was well known among the Royal Canterlot Guard that everypony in Ponyville was crazy. They secretly feared getting transferred there. Nopony ever said that in front of Shining Armor, of course. His sister lived there, and he was very protective of her.

Still, there was no doubt that the pony sequestered with Princess Celestia was a shining example of Ponyville citizenry. That is to say she was sweet, kind of cute, and nuttier than the muffins overflowing her saddlebags.

So how had she swung a private audience with the princess?

"So," said Princess Celestia, "tell me again, miss... Doo, was it?"

The grey pegasus smiled. "Ditzy Doo, your Highness, yes. But you can call me Derpy. Everypony does."

The princess returned her smile warmly. "Derpy, then. What was this idea you had to help the little fillies and colts?"

Derpy proudly began emptying the contents of her saddlebags onto the table provided for her. She produced an array of large colorful muffins. "My Little Muffins," she said, as though that explained it all. The princess looked at her, nonplussed. "You... You don't remember either?" Derpy fought to keep her hopes up. She WOULD convince the princess, and save the future of Equestria!

Celestia smiled. "Why don't you tell me about it?" she asked, making herself comfortable.

Derpy grinned. "It was this great line of breakfast muffins my mom used to buy me," she explained. "They came in all sorts of colors and flavors, and they would have adventures!" Derpy spread her forehooves dramatically, as though finished.

Princess Celestia blinked. Obviously, she was missing something. "The muffins," she said, "had adventures?"

Derpy nodded enthusiastically. "Yes," she chirped. "Because, you see..." She couldn't believe she'd left the best part out. "They're MAGIC!"

She lifted a muffin with her wing, holding it up for the princess to see. "This one is Oatmeal Bran muffin. She's the main character. She isn't very popular," she confessed in a stage whisper, "but she's VERY important." She delicately placed Oatmeal Bran on the table.

"This," she said, "is Apple Cinnamon. She's a really hard worker, but really sweet, too." Putting her down, Derpy went on to the others.

Each flavor of muffin had its own personality, according to the odd pegasus. There was brash Blueberry, and shy Raisin Granola. There was delicate Butter Wheat and most importantly, silly, playful Banana Nut. "She's my favorite," the pegasus confessed.

"I see," said Princess Celestia. "And what kind of adventures do they have?"

So Derpy explained how the magic muffins had been tasked with keeping Equestria safe from the evil, cavity causing fiends from deep in the mines of Sugar Mountain. She showed how each used their special skills, and how they knew to stand together as friends.

Before long, the Sun Princess was playing along with Derpy, as they guided the muffins in the fight against the evil Lord Donut Sprinkles. But, as anypony knows, time flies when you're having fun, and all too soon, she had to call a halt to the adventure.

"I must lower the sun," she explained. "And there is paperwork I have been neglecting."

"I understand, Your Highness," said Derpy, although really, she didn't. Couldn't the princess just do what she wanted?

"I understand you're a mother yourself?" asked Princess Celestia.

Derpy nodded. "Dinky is waiting outside with the guards," she said. "She's MY little Muffin."

"And do you play this delightful game with her?"

Derpy nodded again. "Every morning at breakfast," she said. "I have to make the muffins myself, but I think they taste the same."

Princess Celestia smiled, picturing a tiny grey pegasus filly playing with a clever mare the princess would, sadly, never get to meet. Of course the little filly would rather eat sweets than a healthy breakfast. So the harried mother had come up with this wonderful game. "Well," she said. "I hope you continue to do so for a long time. And that little Dinky, when she has a little muffin of her own, does, too."

"But," the princess continued, "I just don't think it would be right to take this game away from the ponies who make it special. I hope you understand why I have to say no."

Derpy nodded. She tried to keep the sadness from showing, but she was sure her eyes had started to water a bit before she got outside. "I just don't know what went wrong," she said after the door closed behind her. "I thought she liked it."

But then, there was little Dinky, galloping up as fast as her little hooves could carry her.

"Didja have fun playin' My Little Muffins with the princess?" asked the filly, who hadn't quite understood why they were there.

Or had she? "Yes, Muffin," Derpy said with a smile. "But now it's time to go home to Ponyville. You have school in the morning."

* * * * *

Princess Luna returned to the palace after flying one last time around the city. It was time to lower the moon and to meet with her sister to discuss the night's events. Not that there were any.

As she neared the dining room, she was startled to hear shouting coming from within.

"Stand strong, girls!" called out a voice disconcertingly like that of Twilight Sparkle.

"We simply mustn't let that vile temptress win!" And that sounded like Rarity. Luna broke into a panicked gallop.

She burst into the room just in time to hear a third voice, Pinkie Pie's voice shouting "don't worry, Oatmeal Bran!" Luna stopped and stared as her sister floated her breakfast around the table, providing voices for them. "You just leave that mean old Madame Eclair to your... Auntie... Banana... Nut..." Celestia trailed off in embarrassment.

"Are you," asked the bemused Luna, "playing with your food? At your age?"

The Day Princess grinned sheepishly at the Night. "It was a market study," she said blandly. "For a product I'm sure will do quite well."

"If you say so," said Luna, unconvinced.

"I do," Celestia replied. "Now if you'll excuse me, there's a delightful mare from Ponyville I owe an apology to."

"Before you retire," she continued, "would you please arrange a meeting with Canterlot Studios? I have their next hit series lined up."

FIN(ally)

Behind the Scenes (Not a Story)

It all started on May 15th, 2012. (Just a few days ago as I write this.) I was working a double shift (two twelve hour posts back to back) and was desperate for a way to keep myself occupied.

And I started coming up with ideas for pony fanfics. I slapped the #PonyStoryIdea hashtag on them and tweeted them, just to have fun.

The first was "#PonyStoryIdea: Sweetie Belle does a Freaky Friday switch with Princess Celestia."

They got weird. They got silly. Some of them had absolutely no potential at all, and were just joke ideas like "Just like [popular movie] except ponies."

And then on May 18th, at around 2 in the afternoon, I had an idea for a bittersweet story about Ponyville's tendency to panic at the sight of anything new or different. I ran out of room in the tweet, unable to clarify what I meant without using a second tweet. What I tweeted was "#PonyStoryIdea: "Hoof Language" When a deaf-mute pony moves to Ponyville, the citizens react with typical fear of the unknown until Derpy."

I'd intended to say "approaches the pony and attempts to communicate." But I was tickled by "until Derpy."

There followed a series of silly, whimsical story ideas ending with "until Derpy."

Then I tweeted the following: "#PonyStoryIdea: Derpy approaches Princess Celestia with an idea to revitalize an old toy line nopony remembers but her: My Little Muffins"

After a minute or two, I decided I was going to write this story. So I started, got two paragraphs in, and changed my mind:

"No. I am not going to just write My Little Muffins. This is MY STORY, and I'm going to TWEET IT!"

And so I did. A line at a time, I spent the next three hours tweeting My Little Muffins on my craptastic cel phone. I got a thumb cramp, and I got zero replies, but I enjoyed myself.

And resolved to start tweeting a story every couple of days just for fun.

This will be an archive of those stories.

So, if you're interested, go ahead and turn to the first story: My Little Muffins in chapter two of this fic.

Google Doc: Equestrian Mutual

Author’s Note: It’s official. I’ve reached the level of bronydom where I’m having pony dreams. It’s true, I was more than half awake at the time, but it was still in the wake of a day’s sleep that it happened. I had fallen asleep watching Swarm of the Century on my DVR, and woke up to a life insurance commercial. My sleep-addled brain took the concept of life insurance and ran with it to places that only make sense to Pinkie Pie. Here is what I got.

--Parchment Scroll

Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash are standing over a coffin in Sugarcube Corner. Rainbow Dash is clearly distraught. Twilight less so, but still upset.

Twilight Sparkle: I... I can’t believe she’s gone.
Rainbow Dash: Yeah. It just doesn’t make any sense. But I guess that’s her all around.
Twilight Sparkle: This service... it’s what she would have wanted.
Rainbow Dash: I just hope I have enough to cover the funeral expenses. Pinkie Pie never planned ahead for--
Pinkie Pie: Hey! Whatcha guys doin’? Who’s in the box?
Rainbow Dash: Augh. Pinkie!
Director: CUT!

* * * * *

Rainbow Dash: Pinkie Pie never planned ahead for this... she didn’t have an insur-- (laughing) It’s no fair! She’s making faces at me!
Twilight Sparkle: (exasperated) PINKIE!
Director: CUT!

* * * * *

Rainbow Dash: I never knew how expensive a funeral could be. It--
Pinkie Pie: This is all wrong! I demand a wake! With streamers, and balloons, and Pin the Tail on the Pony. AND CUPCAKES!
Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie!
Director: CUT!

* * * * *

Announcer (O.C.): Equestrian Mutual. Yeah. This is the footage we went with.

Author's Note

This has been sitting in my Google Docs folder since September 8, 2011, untouched. Enjoy!