Twiley takes Shining Armor to LineCon

by ocalhoun

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2731

A little filly Twilight Sparkle takes her brother to visit one of her favorite conventions. He might not survive.

A little filly Twilight Sparkle takes her brother to visit one of her favorite conventions. He might not survive.

Based on this story:
Twilight Sparkle Takes Pinkie Pie To LineCon by silvershinepony -- A fun little story that changes the meaning of 'line'. Recommended if you like one-liners.
Linear Transformation by SilverAlchemist -- Recommended if you liked this story and want more.

Published 2015-07-06 18:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-06 18:50:01 UTC

Out of Line

“Hurry up, Shining!” I drug my brother along. “The registration line is about to begin, and that's the best one!”

It already stretched out in front of us. Long, glorious, and orderly as only a LineCon® line could be. The beauty of it was breathtaking, stretching around the corner of the hotel like a hungry python trying to strangle it.

“Uh, Sis?”

I smiled back at him.

“Why is this one the best?”

“Just look at it!” I shuddered with glee. “Come on!”

He let me drag him farther... and farther... and farther... and farther... and farther... until we came to rest at the ultimate end.

“Aah.”

Shining glanced at me. “So, how long is this going to last?”

I held up my copy of the schedule – neatly annotated, of course. It said only 'Registration'.

“Registration? All day?”

“Oh, the registration line usually doesn't die down until day two.”

His jaw dropped.

* * *

Five Hours Later...

For the first time, the line stepped forward, a slow shuffle rippling back to us from the line's mystical origin. We joined in the shuffle with consummate joy.

Shining groaned, also with consummate joy.

“Isn't this great?”

He looked down at me. “You're going to get the most boring cutie mark ever, and you're going to adore it, aren't you?”

“I hope it's a table of contents!”

“Ugh. How did you rope me into this?”

I giggled. “Blackmail, remember?”

The line shuffled again.

“Twiley, I'm never doing this again.”

I smirked at him. “So you say...”

“Hey, she's just the babysitter, and I didn't even touch her.”

“The pictures say otherwise!” I winked at him.

A pony with an enormously frizzy mane walked down the queue, stopping near us. “How's everypony doing?” she half-sang. “Enjoying the line?”

“Oh, very much!” I gushed. “You guys always have the very best lines.”

“We try.” Her eyes flickered to the side. “Sir... Sir! No, please stay within the taped-off section.” She trotted off, waving a hoof at somepony further down the line.

I smiled up at my brother. “Isn't this wonderful?”

He groaned happily again. “I just want to go home.”

“Silly, the line to go home doesn't start until the third day!”

His mouth moved, but no words came out. His eyes twitched. He's so cute when he gets excited!

* * *

Convention Log, Day 1, Entry 73: 4:23pm

The weather is fair, slightly cloudy, light breeze from the east. Still in registration line. We have made it to the first corner. More line, of course. Twiley still seems to think I'm enjoying this. We have exhausted the conversational capacity of the ponies in front of and behind us, which was limited.

No end in sight.

* * *

“Finally. We're almost there,” Shining mumbled contentedly.

“I know, I know!” I could hardly believe it myself. I loved watching the ponies – slowly – passing one by one through the end of the registration line. It was like watching a checklist being checked off perfectly in order. Orderly. Precise. Beautiful.

After approaching and answering a couple of questions, I finally received my badge. It had only 'Twilight Sparkle' and 'LineCon®' on it, both – appropriately enough – written with lines.

Of course, all words are written with lines, but in this case it was special.

“So, Twiley, what do we do now?” Shining put his own badge around his neck.

“Let's do the registration line again!”

He stared at me, cringing and scrunching his nose. “Seriously?”

“Well, I guess it is a lot shorter now, but it's still one of the best lines in the whole con!”

* * *

Convention Log, Day 1, Entry 141: 9:10pm

Weather has grown colder now after nightfall. Thankfully, the registration line barely stretches out of the front door now, so I rarely need to endure it. We have now begun our eleventh pass through the registration line. Goddess have mercy.

* * *

“Ready to call it a night, BBBFF?”

He sighed in contentment. “Am I ever.”

“Great! Let's head for the guest rooms line!”

“What?” He shook his head. “What?”

I loved seeing him so excited.

* * *

Convention Log, Day 2, Entry 159: 6:52am

Daybreak. I didn't expect to have a 'getting out of bed line', but I should have. Twiley insisted on it. “In the spirit of the convention” and all that. Not to mention the 'teeth brushing line' (even though we had two sinks in our suite) and the 'going through the door' line (which we had to do three times, since Twiley forgot her badge), and even the 'hallway line' (this last moved mercifully quickly, as it was basically just Twiley insisting that we walk to the lobby in single file).

* * *

“We're almost there, Shining!”

His stomach grumbled again, echoed by a grumble of his own: “I should have known there would be a line for breakfast.”

“Of course,” I chimed. “It wouldn't be LineCon without lines!”

“Of course.”

An invigorating wait later, we both made it to the counter at the hotel's restaurant. I danced in place a little. “Oh... I want to do the breakfast line again, but I'm so hungry now! What should I do?”

Shining winced excitedly. “Um... let's order some food, and we'll eat it while we're in line.”

I jumped for joy. “Perfect!”

* * *

By our second pass through the breakfast line, we had both finished our line-shaped haycakes and orange juice. “So, Shining, what should we do first?”

He gave an entirely authentic smile. “What is there to do?”

Whipping out my schedule again, I showed it to him. “Well, there's a few good panels I want to go to today, but I can't decide between 'The Don'ts and Don'ts of Clumping' and 'Whose Line is it, Anyway?' They both sound so good, but they're scheduled at the same time, so we can only go to one!” I winced. “What if I pick the wrong one?”

Shining shook his head and patted mine. “How about you go to one, and I'll go to the other?”

“Split up? No way!”

* * *

Convention Log, Day 2, Entry 197: 8:19am

Waiting in line (of course) for the 'Whose Line is it, Anyway?' panel. My attempt at subterfuge has failed. Twiley will not allow separation, so there is no escape, not even momentarily. I will attempt it again later, using a visit to the little colt's room as a cover.

* * *

I listened contentedly as the panelists continued to debate about whom a line really belongs to. The two amateur line-experts present were insisting that it truly belonged to the ponies in the line, but the one veteran organizer on the panel argued just as fervently that it truly belonged to whoever was at the end of the line – whoever the ponies were lining up for. The remaining panelist – more of an abstract theorist – claimed that the line truly belonged to itself, that it was a “self-deserving construct”... but nopony was really listening to him.

“Hey, Twiley,” Shining whispered into my ear.

I didn't spare him much attention. “Uh-huh?”

“I'm going to step out for a bit to use the restroom.”

“Uh-huh.”

* * *

Convention Log, Day 2, Entry 218: 8:39am

Success! My plan to excuse myself worked flawlessly, and now I have freedom. Freedom! I could do anything, I could even... Now that I think of it, I actually could use a restroom break. I'll do that first, then decide what to do next. Maybe I'll take a few moments to get away from this crazy place!

* * *

After the panel, I found my brother waiting in line for the bathroom. “Hi, BBBFF!”

His head drooped and his shoulders slumped. “Hi, Twiley.”

“Enjoying the bathroom line?”

He sighed happily.

“I know! Just between you and me – because some ponies here might think I'm weird – the bathroom line is one of my favorites.”

The line shuffled forward, and he raised his head to stare at the door imploringly.

“Of all the lines here, this one takes the most discipline from ponies, I think. That's why it's one of the best!” One of the ponies ahead, finally making it to the front, cycled around to the back of the line. “See,” I told Shining, “I'm not the only one who enjoys this line!”

Sadly, the next few ponies in line were also just there for the enjoyment of it, and once they returned to the back, Shining was next, and he hurried inside. Still, no need for worry. He'd be out soon. What to do in the meantime...?

* * *

Convention Log, Day 2, Entry 221: 9:20am

My concern for my sister's sanity continues to grow. When I returned from the colt's room, I found her waiting in line, which was par for the course... but I found her waiting in the line for the colt's room!

She insisted that she had no desire to go in, that she was only there for the line... and all the colts in the line seemed to entirely understand. But she's only a little filly, after all. I begin to worry that she may be confused. All these lines could confuse anypony.

Maybe it's my own sanity I should be worried about.

* * *

A flurry of panels and events flowed by, punctuated by the ever-satisfying, ever-orderly LineCon lines. 'Lineplay and Costume', 'Line Theory 101', 'The Importance of Straightness', 'Butting in and Saving Spots, When is it acceptable?'

They were all superbly entertaining and informative, and I was pretty happy with my choices, even though I had to miss 'The Bottom Line: Finances of Queuing' in order to get an autograph from Day Clock, the current Equestria record holder for longest time spent in a line.

But now, we were in one of the last lines of the day: the line for the concert!

It was also one of the longest, and – along with the registration line – a recurring crowd favorite.

Shining hadn't spoken in hours, not since the concert line began. His eyes looked glassed over, and when the line shuffled forward, I had to tug him along, or he'd just stand there. Yeah... LineCon® does that to ponies sometimes. It's all in good fun.

“Aren't you excited? All the best line musicians are going to be playing!”

No response.

Well, if he wanted to try his hoof at a Line Zombie cosplay, that was his prerogative, but I did wish he would break character every once in a while to keep me company. I wasn't about to be concerned, though. LineCon only comes once a year, and I wasn't about to let him spoil the experience!

* * *

Convention Log, Day 2, Entry 466: 6:41pm

Line dances. Conga lines. Why do I continually underestimate the capacity of this convention to be corny and pedantic? I'm not certain I will survive the next day and a half. There is a small but terrifying chance that one of these ponies (probably Twiley) will say something to me that just breaks my brain, and I'll fall over dead.

As a note to anypony who may be reading this after the event of my death: Twiley is not to have my collection of military history books, nor my reading light. Donate them to charity. Please make sure she knows that all this is entirely her fault.

* * *

I jumped on top of the lump in the sheets that marked my brother's sleeping body. “Wake up, Shining! It's time for the 'getting out of bed line'!”

He groaned lovingly, then rolled over.

“No! You're clumping! You have to get up and get in line properly!”

* * *

Convention Log, Day 3, entry 715: 3:04pm

The natives are becoming restless. Supplies are low. The outlook is bleak.

LineCon ends in just a few hours, but it seems days away. I hear drums, and I don't know why. I get the strangest sensation that everypony in every line is staring at me, waiting for me to... to do something. I don't know what it is. There are lines. There are always lines. There will always be lines. The world is lines, nothing but lines.

Goddess, I think I'm going mad. Maybe I'll enjoy it. Can't be much worse than this.

Cadance, if you're reading this, I'm sorry I couldn't make it. I love you. (And please tell Twiley what an insufferable brat she is.) (And please make sure my funeral doesn't include any lines. Tell Twiley that if my funeral has any lines, I'm going to haunt her.)

* * *

I looked ahead and spotted the end of the line: the exit door of the hotel's convention center.

It was a moment of both enormous anticipation and immense dread. That doorway was the end of the last line, the ultimate goal, and reaching it would be the ultimate satisfaction. But it also marked the very end of LineCon, and ever since the debacle three years ago when the last line went on for three weeks, ponies weren't allowed to cycle back to the beginning of the line. No, this would be it: the very end.

There were plenty of doors, of course. This one exit had eight, and it wasn't the only exit the building had. But LineCon® tradition had it that only one exit door could be used... otherwise the line wouldn't be as satisfyingly long.

Shining stared at the door ahead as if he couldn't see anything else.

I knew how he felt. I couldn't wait either... and yet, I didn't want it to end! But there was nothing for it – LineCon only lasted for three days, and the three days were up. There would be no more until next year.

It took almost an hour more, but we finally shuffled our way to the very front of the line.

Shining skipped in front of me! He ran right around and darted through the door, trailed by the sound of hundreds of ponies gasping in horror. Skipping was not done at LineCon! If he'd done it in any other line, he'd been thrown to the back – at the very least. There was no telling what this orderly mob of infuriated ponies might do! But since this was the last line, it led out of the convention entirely, and outside, he was no longer subject to its rules. He had escaped justice.

I hurried after him, which made me miss my usual slow reverence of crossing the last threshold. “Shining! What were you thinking? You can't skip! That's rule number one!” I held my schedule up at him, showing him the back of it. “See, 'Rule 1: No skipping.'”

He ignored me, and just ran in silly circles, staring at the sky. He yelled, “I'm free!” Then he flopped to the ground rolling happily.

Cadance stopped in front of him, looking down at him. “Did you have a good time at LineCon, Shiny?”

He froze, then grimaced in abject horror. “It was awful!”

This made me pout. And here I'd thought he was having a great time! How could he not enjoy LineCon? It was the best line convention in all of Equestria™!

“Well then...” Cadance smiled cheerfully. “I'd better not find any more of that mare's tail-hairs snagged in your armor, or I'll have Twilight taking you to Checklist Con, too.”

He stared up at her, blinking. “You... you left the door cracked on purpose?”

“Of course not.” She laughed. “Just like how you've never seen that mare before.”

He cringed, then covered his face with his hooves.

Cadance kissed his hooves, coaxing them away from his face. “Come on up, we're even now. How about we head to my place, and I'll help you forget about your ordeal?”

Blushing, he nodded vigorously and stood up.

I watched them trot off together and smiled to myself. Cadance might not force him to go to Checklist Con, but I had my own ways.

The End

Author's Note

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