Author's Note

Well this one was an explosion of creativity, and probably my newest favorite . With one of the princesses a Rapist and the other a gaming MLG Mt Dew drinking Dorito dust covered hooved otaku, how can they fail at holding off the Zebra attack?!

In case you don't know [Which 85% chance you don't know], Charles Dark was the black guy in our Pilot episode who threatened Jimmy at the very beginning.

Not that we're all that big on popularity, I mean let's face it we got a handful of people who've read the story, and even less to who's following us. If you have any friends or something you think would like this, please show it to them. Me and Jimmy write these for the sake of making each other laugh and be creative, but we also write them for you guys .

Uhh... that's about it! Read on, or go back to watching your Turtle penis video.

Episode 7: The Princesses Problematic Paroxysm

Character Sheet:
Jimmy
Trixie
Twilight
Jacob
Princess Molestia
Princess Luna
Rainbow Dash
Charles Dark
Zecora
Derpy

“Trixie, you can’t pay the house off with weed! Stop spending money on weed and instead use it towards the rent!” Jimmy screamed annoyed. Twilight burst through the door with a letter levitating in front of her.

“Hey cock noodles, apparently you drew a bit of attention to yourself at Trixie’s shitty mansion party, that she no longer even fucking owns! The princess is really fucking pissed over the death of those two faggot kids, and you need to come clear it up with me in Canterlot.”

“...Right now? Cuz I’m kinda bu-”

“Now faggots, or we’ll all get hanged for fucking murder!” interrupted Twilight.

“What about Jacob, he was involved too!” Trixie whined.

“I’m already out here you autistic cum eating dwarves. Hurry the fuck up, I’m freezing my ass off!” Jacob yelled. They headed off to Canterlot, unsure of what awaits them. After a boring half hour train ride, they arrived to the city, where what awaited them were 2 royal guards, and many whispers among countless amounts of ponies.

“Is that the nigger killing spoon wielder?” whispered one pony.

“What’s with that uniform on the other one?” wondered another.

“Damn that purple bitch is sexy.” a masculine voice whispered.

“Silence citizens of Canterlot. This business does not concern you, move about your day as is.” One of the guards’ voice thundered.

“Fuck you, you dirty pigs. Fuck the system.” Yelled a stoner pony.

“You 3, come with me to the Castle the princess awaits.” the 2nd guard said sternly. Without much a choice they all followed the guard all the way to the castle. After traversing through like 20 fucking unnecessarily huge doors, they then stood before the princess.

“Oh haii~! Took you guys long enough to get here.” Molestia replied, appearing quite happy.

“Sorry princess, I came as quickly as I could.” Twilight replied disappointed.

“THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID! *Snort*... Anyway, you 2 must be the humans I heard about. Made a huge name for yourself huh? Saving Ponyville, killing a King Dragon, and the blonde one for being a horse fucker.” Molestia teased.

“Oh fuck you, it was that or dying.” Jacob barked. The guards took a stance as though ready to charge.

“Ohh, we got one with a bit of bite, ruff~! And I doubt the cure to Poison joke is fucking a pony, now is it?” Molestia questioned.

“I… shut up… Zecora that dumb bitch. And fuck YOU Twilight for bribing her to lie to us, the fuck bruh?” Jacob nagged.

“Enough, we’re here simply to clarify to the princess of what happened that night at Trixie’s.” Twilight began, “Now princess, it was not our int-”

“Silence nerd, I made that up as an excuse so I could get you guys down here.” Molestia groaned. “As if I care about some kids dying, I hate kids. In fact I should give you two a high-hoof and a round of beer.” Celestia then turned her attention to Jimmy, “Ah Jimmy, savior of Equestria, how are you?”

“Everything’s been downhill after I got that spoon you gifted me. What with the attempts on my life and the attempts at rape here and there.” Jimmy replied dully.

“Trixie will get you eventually, Trixie swears it!” Trixie boldly remarked.

“Yo, is that Jimmy’s voice I just heard?” Just then a black pony with a flowing blue aura mane walked in. “Jimmy! Bruh! what’re you doing here?!”

“I killed a kid and your sis thought it to be a good idea for me to drop by again.” Jimmy explained.

“You gotta see this new PC I just built, it plays practically anything, all at 120 fps!” Luna exclaimed.

“You ever get that Dorito and Mt Dew dispenser up and running in your room?” Jimmy asked excitedly.

“Hmm, maybe. You’ll just have to come see.” Luna said teasingly. And with the Jimmy ran up with Luna to her room.

“How am I not surprised your sister is fedora wearing, socially awkward, neck beard loving, otaku or some shit.” Jacob said to Molestia jokingly.

“Dude, we’re rich. We buy her all the fedoras and anime pillows she wants. Kinda sick, but she’s family… Tried to kill me once.” Molestia explained.

“So… why ARE we here?” Twilight asked, puzzled.

“I was bored, and Luna was lonely and wanted to see Jimmy again.” Molestia replied nonchalantly.

“That bitch taking Trixie's man away from her.” Trixie whispered to herself.

“So, Mr. Blondie, since you’ll fuck a horse. Wanna fuck~?” Molestia purred.

“I swear it’s like mating season 24/7 in this fucking realm. And no thanks! I don’t wanna fuck a horse, especially you. I bet your pussy smells like 1000 gallons of cum found its way into a sewage system.” Jacob groaned.

“Look you can either say yes or I can drag you down to the rape dungeon and do it there. They don’t call me Molestia just cause it’s my name ya know.” Molestia retorted.

“Well the idea of fucking a pony does disgust me, but I do like sex dungeons, so maybe instead of raping me, how about you show me what you got?” Asked Jacob.

“Changed your act around there pretty quick,” Molestia replied confused,” You like sex dungeons?”

“They’re like a 2nd torture chamber. They have whips, blindfolds, duct tape, that sorta shit.” Jacob replied. “You ever use that place to torture or humiliate people?”

“Only if they want me too~!” Molestia chimmed. Their conversation was cut short by a cannon being shot and yells being heard. “Oh, looks like we’ve got company, I’ve always wanted to try out the nut zapper~” Screamed Molestia in delight.

“First off, keep that thing far away from me, secondly, WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?!” Jacob yelled startled. Just then wave after wave of Zebra’s came charging into the castle.

“Oh we’re under attack, nice something exciting! Welp it was nice knowing you Princess!” yelled Jacob as he pulled out his mp40 and ran up the stairs and into the fray screaming.

“What’s happening sister?” Luna shouted running down the stairs.

“Get the fuck out of the way, I don’t wanna die!” Jimmy yelled as he pushed Luna down the stairs, he then fell over too, losing his balance… What a pansy.

“Quick you 4, get down the the sex dungeon, it’s the safest place!” Molestia instructed.

“No sister, last time I went into the dungeon, you hit me in the head with a brick and I was in a coma for half a year!” screamed Luna.

“In the words of Shia Labeouf, JUST DO IT!... Or help, I really don’t care if any of you die… ‘cept you sis!” Molestia repeated, after lookin at dat flank of her sisters, she abruptly flew into the air and flew the fuck out to help defend the kingdom.

“HOREH SHET” screamed Rainbow as she crashed into Molestia.

“Wut!?” Molestia cried as she struggled to recover from the hit.

“Oh sorry Princess I was training and when I saw the army I came as quick as I could!” yelled the particularly stupid Pony.

“I’m too stressed to make a ‘That’s what she said’ joke. Now if you’re gonna help then get your hot ass in there and help me fight the Zebras off!” Molestia panted. The party came outside and observed the situation.

“We don’t have the elements of harmony so we can’t rainbow them away like we normally do, Jacob, can you hold them off with your gun with Jimmy so we can set up fortifications in the main hall?” pleaded Twilight.

“In a panic you don’t make a plan, you just fucking act! Do whatever you want, and leave the murder to me!” Jacob shouted.

A guard ran up to Molestia and exclaimed “Princess, they’ve gotten through the main gates and they’re pillaging our market district, what do we do?”

“We have no other choice, I shall speak to the leader.” Molestia replied. “Jacob, Jimmy, Rainbow Dash, please come with me.” The 4 then fought their way outside, once out into the fray, Molestia boldly shouted “Who leads these Zebras?!”. All the fighting stopped, the struggles, the looting… the raping... Until a voice was heard.

“That’d be me, Princess.” chuckled a hooded figure. He then summoned a winged dark pony to his side, who flew up to meet Molestia. As he approached near, he removed the hood from his head, revealing his face, much to their surprise he was 8 foot, black, and missing his eye. “The name is Charles Dark.” He then turned his attention to Jimmy, “‘Ey white boy, rememba me?” he paused, waiting for an answer, “Really? Cause you the one who took ‘is from me,” he exclaimed as he pointed to the hollow hole in his head where an eye would normally be.

“It… It can’t be!” Jimmy stammered.

“Yea, and I’ve come for revenge. ‘Ey princess, you han’ ova that boy, and I call off my attack. You refuse, your people gon’ die, yo sister gon’ die… and you gon’ die.” Charles demanded.

“No one kill him,” Molestia ordered. “... You’re gonna be the main attraction to my sex dungeon.” she responded with a grin.

“Well, I should warn you Charles, I got a few more weapons since last we met” Jimmy laughed as he ripped off his shirt, revealing his flabby titties, and the weapons he had gathered in his travels. He grabbed the Silver Spoon and raised it up towards the sky and a sharp horn sound erupted from it, causing Charles to cover his ears.

“What the fuck is that and why is it so loud?!” Rainbow remarked.

Luna then burst through the doors leading outside recognizing the sound, “The MLG horn blazer!” she squealed.

Rainbowdash saw this as an opportunity, as she rammed into Charles’ gut, knocking the wind out of him and catching him off guard. Jacob grabbed Charless’ arms and pressed them against his back, leaving him defenseless. Jimmy, still raising his spoon to the sky, struck the nigger across the face, knocking him out. The Zebra’s then quickly learned of their scheme and rushed to save their commander.

“Put him on my back Jimmy! Jacob, Rainbow, hold them off!” Molestia instructed, as she flew away with Jimmy and Charles' on her back.

Luna quickly rushed out to where Jacob and RD remained, carrying a quite bulky mechanism with tubes in a circular fashion, "You think that pea shooter of yours is good, wait 'till you see this thing." The tubes of the mechanism began to slowly rotate, they continued to pick up speed until it began to fire.

"What the hell is that thing?!" Jacob screamed in awe.

"The Doritos™ Minigun!" She shouted before Nacho Cheese Doritos began shooting out at a high rate of fire, impaling the oncoming zebras in a cheesy baked chip slaughter. A fine red-orange mist appeared along the direction of the zebras, Luna ceased fire, watching the mist clear. Once it did, all that laid before them were the dead bodies of the once furious zebras.

"I think I'm in love..." Jacob whispered to himself, "How much for the gun!?"

"It isn't for sale, now come, I'm sure my sister needs our assistance now." Luna stated. They traversed the many corridors, scattered with dead bodies, both guards and zebra soldiers, until they made it back into the throne room, where Molestia just got done locking Charles up.

“That was a rush, I think I get more ‘a rush outta battle than I do sex.” Molestia said grinning. "Hey sis, how'd the gun work out?

"Better than expected dear sister!" She replied smiling ear to ear, "I MLG'd the hell out of them, there are no more remaining zebras."

"This calls for a celebration!" Molestia exclaimed, "Orgy in the sex dungeon at 8 pm, stick around if you're interested~!"

“I'll pass... Hey Jimmy,” Jacob began, “since when did your spoon put out an OBNOXIOUS DEAFENING NOISE?!”

“I took care of that,” Luna professed, “I enchanted it with the strength of that of a MLG gamer!”

“Nerd…” Trixie mumbled to herself.

Fade to black…

Charles then awoke, unknowing how long he was out, however it appeared he had been chained up to a wooden table.. with no clothes on. “Man, tha fuck is ‘is?! What happened ta me?”

“Hey, your awake!” cheered a gray pony.

“Ey, who said that?! Where am I” Charles cried, moving his head around.

“*giggle* I’m Derpy! You’re in the tickle room. The Princess comes in here and kisses and touches on you and make you feel silly.” She happily replied

“Yes, for you Derpy. But for him, it’s going to be a whole other story,” Molestia purred as she walked into the room, as she levitated a whip and a mouth gag over to Charles.

So with that Charles spend all eternity in Molestia’s rape dungeon, Trixie tried to rape Jimmy as soon as they got home, Twilight spent another day of ass kissing running errands for the Princess, Jacob returned to his couch back home at his mansion, Rainbow Dash continued to show up in unexpected places, Luna spent the rest of the day 360 no-scoping n00bs on MW3, and they all lived happily ever after… until our NEXT story!