My Little Pony: Friendship is Pepsi
Author's Note
For maximum enjoyment, play this song as you read: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z54MpfR3XE4
For even MORE enjoyment, play this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_XG0Q_f9tE
My Little Pony: Friendship is Pepsi
It was a dark and foreboding night. Particularly foreboding when the night was during the day. Something foul was in the air, and all of Equestria knew that it needed a hero to save it. As one, the ponies of Equestria raised their heads, and shouted:
"PEPSIMAAAAAN!"
Pepsiman arrived in Ponyville, the apparent source of the sudden nightfall, where he found ponies gathered in the centre, just outside of the town's hall. As he arrived, ponies cheered, and he raised his hand, delivering delicious Pepsi to all of the everypony around him.
"Pepsiman, ah'm scared!" one little filly cried as she latched onto his leg, whimpering as he ears drooped. Pepsiman patted the filly's red mane and gave her an entire six-pack of Pepsi, and suddenly, her tears dried up and she was filled with hope once more.
"Pepsiman, thank Celestia you're here!" Pepsiman turned his head to the speaker. It was a purple unicorn pony with a striped, straight mane, carrying a book in her magic. Five other ponies were with her. "I believe that the culprit behind this is none other than Nightmare Moon, whom was sealed away one thousand years ago!
"Legend says that the Elements of Harmony can defeat her, but the Elements are hidden deep within the Everfree forest! We were just about to go in, but we need your help! Without your Pepsi, we would die of exhaustion! Can you help us, Pepsiman?"
Pepsiman gave the mare a thumbs-up, and the ponies rejoiced. Everything was going to be alright now that Pepsiman was on the case!
~PEPSIMAAAAAN!~
As the group ran through the Everfree Forest, they could feel the evil emanating all around them. The trees were moaning, as though they were alive, the animals were growling, as though they despised the company of outsides, and the only vending machines for miles had been filled with 7-Ups.
Pepsiman stopped the group, sensing darkness around them. Suddenly, the ground began to shake, and everybody looked up to find a rockslide heading towards them. They ran, but they were not fast enough. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, the two pegasus ponies, were able to rescue Rarity and Pinkie Pie, two grounded ponies, whilst Applejack grabbed onto a nearby branch.
Twilight Sparkle, however, was not so athletic, and was soon hanging on for dear life! Applejack slid down the hill once the rockslide was over and grabbed Twilight's hoof. "Applejack, I can't hold on!"
"… Let go," the farmer said.
"Are you CRAZY?!"
"No ah ain't. Listen, what ah'm tellin' you is the honest truth. Let go, and you'll be fine."
"But… But…" Something cold pressed against Twilight's cheek. She turned her head, and found that it was a refreshing can of Pepsi, offered to her by Pepsiman, who nodded his head assuringly.
Twilight took the can in her magic and chugged the contest, sighing blissfully as she pulled away for air. She had the courage now, and took Applejack's advice. She fell, but she was not scared, for the Pepsi comforted her.
She was grabbed by Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, who then proceeded to gently hover her down.
"Thank you, guys," she said to her fellow mares as the group converged once more. She turned to Pepsiman, and said, "Thank you, too, Pepsiman. If it wasn't for your cold, refreshing beverage, I never would have had the confidence to trust in Applejack. Now I know that I can always trust my friends, thanks to Pepsi."
Pepsiman nodded. It was all in day's work, but this night-day's work was far from over. The group continued, determined to bring daylight back to Equestria.
~PEPSIMAAAAAN!~
A manticore was their next obstacle. It roared a mighty roar, terrifying the group of mares and forcing them to stay back. Whenever they dared to get too close, it swatted its paws, knocking them away.
The mares gathered for an all-out attack, until Fluttershy stood in their way, ordering them to wait. She approached the manticore slowly, her legs shaking as it growled, but her face hard with resolve. She pulled at a thorn in manticore's paw, and it roared in anger.
Pepsiman jumped between the two, offering the beast an extra-large can that he had been saving for emergencies. As it took the drink and happily sipped away, Pepsiman turned to Fluttershy. He moved out of the way, giving her the space to do what she had set out to do.
Carefully, Fluttershy pulled out the thorn, and by the time the manticore had noticed, the pain was gone. He took Fluttershy into his paws and gave her long licks of appreciation.
"Wow, Fluttershy. How did you know about the thorn?" Twilight asked as the group started to move on.
"I didn't," Fluttershy admitted. "Sometimes, we all just need to be shown a little kindness… and some Pepsi."
The group all agreed, and they moved on further into the forest.
~PEPSIMAAAAAN!~
Fluttershy was the first to scream, as the group looked all around at the various spooks and terrors that had trapped them without them even realising it.
Scary faces were carved on the trees all around, and they extended their branches as though they wished to snatch the little ponies right then and there.
Pepsiman opened a can of Pepsi and readied himself to fight, as the mares behind him all trembled in fear… All but one.
Pinkie Pie was giggling, and making silly faces. Pepsiman tilted his head, and Twilight shouted, "Are you CRAZY?! RUN!"
"Oh, girls! Don't you see?"
[THIS SONG HAS BEEN REMOVED FOR COPYRIGHT INFRINGMENT BY HABSROW INK.]
Together the mares all laughed, and Pepsiman shared the Pepsi that he had opened with his friends, not wishing it to go to waste. And so, with another threat eliminated, the group moved on.
~PEPSIMAAAAAN!~
The group continued to laugh and giggle until they hit the next thing in their way – a raging river, its current too fast for any but Pepsiman to hope to cross. And as he wouldn't leave his new friends behind, he too was at an impasse.
Suddenly, a giant sea-lizard rose from the river's apparent depths and began to cry and moan. "Oh, what a world, WHAT A WORLD!"
"Uh, excuse me," Twilight began, "But are you crying?"
"Oh, I don't know. I was just sitting here, minding my own business, when this… dark cloud just WISPED on by and tore half of my beloved moo-stache clean off!"
The serpent's cries grew in intensity, and he splashed down into the river, soaking the mares in a tidal wave.
"Oh, give me a break," Rainbow Dash huffed.
"That's what all the fuss is about?" Applejack asked.
"Why of course it is! How can you be so insensitive? Oh, just look at him. Such lovely luminescent scales, your expertly coiffed mane, and your fabulous manicure, all ruined without your beautiful moustache!"
"It's true, I'm hideous!" the serpent cried, slumping down as he cried once more.
"There simply must be something that we can- Oh!" Rarity reached into her saddlebag, removing her last bottle of Pepsi and offering it to the serpent. The ponies around her all gasped.
"But Rarity, that's you last one!" Twilight cried.
"Without it, you could go through the rest of this journey un-refreshed!" Applejack told her.
"I will be just fine, but thank you for your concerns. This beautiful, poor creature needs it more than I ever could."
A tear rolled down Pepsiman's cheek, and he clapped his hands. The mares beside him joined him in clapping. A true act of generosity, right there before their eyes… How could they not applaud such a bold, selfless sacrifice?
The serpent took the Pepsi and drank it gratefully. Soon, his worries were forgotten, and the pain over his lost moustache was but a distant memory. To thank the kind mare for her generosity, the serpent offered to create a bridge for the group to cross.
~PEPSIMAAAAAN!~
The castle was just beyond a small bridge. The group was getting close, and their quest would soon draw to an end!
Unfortunately, the bridge was collapsed, but that would not stop Rainbow Dash from flying across to tie the other end back up, allowing the rest of the group to cross.
"Rainbow…"
"Who's there?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Rainbow…"
"I ain't scared of you! Show yourself!"
A group of three pegasus ponies dressed in dark latex appeared, sitting before Rainbow Dash and grinning menacingly. "We've been eagerly awaiting the arrival of the best flyer in Equestria."
Rainbow Dash looked confused. "Who?"
"Why, you, of course."
Rainbow Dash blushed, and asked them to pass that message along to the Wonderbolts. However, these 'Shadowbolts' had a better idea – they wanted her to join them. Rubbing her ego and appealing to her gullibility, they quickly convinced her to enlist… until they told her that she must abandon her friends to do so.
Now, Rainbow Dash was torn. Twilight Sparkle noticed what was happening and tried to call out to Rainbow, but a dense fog shrouded the group.
Rainbow Dash felt a tear fall down her face. She wanted to help her friends, she did, but did she have the courage, the willpower, to turn down what could possibly be her only chance to make it big?
A hand on her shoulder startled her, and as she turned around, she found Pepsiman standing there. He leaned down and held the shaking mare, leaving her two cans of Pepsi as he parted. The Shadowbolts tries to destroy the drinks, but Pepsiman would not have it, getting in their way.
Rainbow Dash opened one of the cans and took a sip… That was all the encouragement that she needed. Getting up, she politely declined the Shadowbolts' offer and turned around to help her friends.
The Shadowbolts hissed, and then vanished, their true forms revealed to be mere illusions.
"See?" Rainbow Dash said as her friends crossed the bridge. "I'd never leave my friends, or my favourite soft drink, hangin'."
The long road had been tough, and so Pepsiman saw fit to take a quick break. Thankfully, there was one lone vending machine nearby that sold Pepsi Cola. He approached the machine and pushed the button, relishing in the taste of the cool, delicious beverage as he readied himself for the task ahead.
---My Little Pony: Friendship is Pepsi will be right back, after this word from our sponsors---
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*The cleaning juice is bleach. Please keep out of reach of children
**No, seriously, it's bleach. Do not drink it
***DO NOT DRINK. IT CONTAINS BLEACH. PLEASE
---And now, we're back to My Little Pony: Friendship is Pepsi---
Pepsiman and the group of mares walked into the ruins of what was once a great, looking around in awe at the beautiful architecture that still remained.
There, in the middle, were the Elements of Harmony, but… something was wrong. One was missing. Where was the sixth Element?
Twilight tried to summon it by bringing a 'spark' between the other five, but she was interrupteby a sudden wisp of smoke taking her away!
Pepsiman looked around, but he could not find her anywhere. The other mares panicked, tears welling in their eyes. They were scared. At the darkest of times, heroes needed to be at their toughest.
Pepsiman handed out free Pepsis to all of the ponies, calming their nerves, and then her darted out of the room, determined to find and save Twilight Sparkle.
He soon found her in a different part of the castle, and set off a Pepsi flare to let the others know where they were. As he entered the room, he found the Elements shattered, and Twilight's spirit broken. She had failed to find the sixth Element, and she was beginning to lose hope.
It was up to Pepsiman. He entered the room, gaining the attentions of Twilight and Nightmare Moon, and he pointed to his chest.
Twilight tilted her head. "I… don't understand…" Pepsiman leaned down, and poked Twilight's chest, right her heart was. "My… heart? You're saying that the sixth Element is… inside my heart?"
Pepsiman nodded, and then jumped back as a sudden wisp of smoke threatened to end him. "Pepsiman!" Nightmare Moon hissed. "I have been waiting a long time for this! Now, I shall finally have my revenge for all those years ago!"
"Revenge?" Twilight asked, suddenly angry. "What revenge?! What did he ever do to you?!"
"Oh, not him!" Nightmare Moon admitted. "But his product, that accursed Pepsi! My sister forbade me from drinking it, because I had consumed too much and gained too much weight!" Nightmare Moon turned around, presenting her rear. "Why do you think I am called Nightmare Moon?! Look at this! Look at this posterior! Is it not the largest you have ever seen?! And it is all your fault! My sister forced me onto a diet, and so I vowed revenge against the entire world, and I will not be denie-" Pepsiman offered the ranting mare a can, only, this can was different…
Not blue, but black. "W-What is this? Pepsi… 'Max'?"
"That's right. Pepsi Max," Pepsiman's assistant, Mark Etting, replied. "The new product- er, power, that we intended to unveil at the conclusion of this year's Summer Sun Celebration. It contains everything that our ordinary Pepsi has, but with none of the sugar! That's right, NONE!"
"None?!" Rainbow Dash shouted as she and the other mares entered the room. "Then, won't it taste… bland?"
"Not at all! You see, Pepsi Max retains all of the taste as original Pepsi! Maximum taste, zero sugar!"
"Then, why would anypony ever buy the original Pepsi?"
"… Because ponies like sugar."
Applejack took a long lick of her sugar cube and then put it away. "True that."
Nightmare Moon snatched the drink out of Pepsiman's hand and chugged it. Her eyes lit up, her darkness faded, and she sighed a contented sigh as the taste flooded her mouth. "T-This is it! Pepsi! Wonderful, glorious Pepsi! And I can drink it, as much as I want, without ever worrying about putting on weight****!"
****Not how it works
"Please, Twilight Sparkle, turn me back!" Nightmare Moon pleaded. "Use the Elements to ride me of this curse! I no longer need the dark power, now that I have Pepsi in my life!"
Twilight Sparkle nodded, and, using Pepsiman's advice to her earlier, gathered her friends and created the sixth Element, the Element of Magic. Her friends all glowed and gained their own Elements, and Rarity gained a new bottle of Pepsi to reward her generous sacrifice earlier, and together, a fizzy rainbow shot forth to rid Nightmare Moon of her dark powers and restore her to her former self…
~PEPSIMAAAAAN!~
In the town of Ponyville, ponies were joyous once more! The darkness had faded, and ponies were now able to deliver Pepsi once more! Celestia and Luna walked together with the six friends that had saved her, and Pepsiman watched from afar as the elder sister gently nuzzled the younger one.
"Please, Luna, do not be so hard on yourself. I have already told you that I have forgiven you."
"But Sister, I did… such horrible things. I… I…"
A wing embraced the trembling Luna, and she steadied. "That doesn't matter anymore. I am just glad that you are okay, and back to normal… and that we can once more drink Pepsi as a family."
The two sister drank their Pepsis together, and Pepsiman nodded. His work was done.
A loud crash suddenly alerted him to danger from behind, and he turned to find a giant novelty Pepsi can that was once part of a billboard rolling towards him. He sprinted, refusing to move either right or left, dodging the various obstacles that were in his path. Finally, a fork in the road forced him to move aside as the can crashed into somepony's home.
Everypony ignored the incident and continued to celebrate. Celestia, Luna, and the six friends all approached Pepsiman, bowing their heads in appreciation for his work.
"Thank you, Pepsiman, for returning my sister to me," Celestia said. "And for your wonderful Pepsi Max, which allows our family to be even closer than before!"
"And now my mind is clear, thanks to the dazzling, refreshing taste of Pepsi Max down my throat!" Luna declared.
Twilight giggled. "I guess all you needed was a little PEP talk, eh?"
And then Twilight was banned from Pepsi forever.
The end.
