Diamond's Derby

by deadpansnarker

Rating: everyone
Tags: Diamond Tiara, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Applejack, Drama, Rainbow Dash, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Rarity
Length: 2579

Set after the events of Cart Before The Ponies, what would happen if Spoiled Rich had been watching the derby, and was less than thrilled at Diamond Tiara's performance? If you read it, you're about to find out...

Set after the events of Cart Before The Ponies, what would happen if Spoiled Rich had been watching the derby, and was less than thrilled at Diamond Tiara's performance? If you read it, you're about to find out.

Oh, and Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle are there too. Just so you know.

Published 2016-08-06 22:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-06 22:50:01 UTC

Diamond's Derby

The day was over. The once postponed Applewood Derby race had been completed. All rosettes had been distributed to their lucky new owners, the captive audience had dispersed back to their dwellings, and despite initial setbacks (as in a major crash that had destroyed everypony's first vehicles) everything seemed to have worked out just fine.

Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow Dash had learned the error of their ways, by taking a much needed step-back to allow their sisters and honourary sister the chance at constructing their own racers, on their own terms. Instead of causing a massive fender bender as they had when their ambitions got the best of them to totally dominate their siblings' projects, now they'd simply taken it easy for the duration of the event, sipping cool lemonade and relishing the experience of being a spectator.

Although Dash couldn't resist yelling encouragement when Scoots was seen speeding past them in her extravagantly orange-painted cart, the rescheduled race was strictly a neutral affair. Nopony really cared who won or lost that day, it was all about the roar of the crowd, the enthusiasm of the cheerleaders (led by the aptly name teacher, Miss Cheerilee) and most of all, the fillies and colts just enjoying themselves.

Of course, there is always an exception to that rule. The three Elements Of Harmony present may have realised that winning isn't everything, but there was at least one mare in attendance who had always held the firm belief that finishing first was all that mattered. Nor was she ever likely to change her mind on that staunchly held ideal.

Spoiled Rich was absolutely livid. She'd shelled out an absolute fortune in the construction of her daughter's jewel-encrusted vehicle, allowed her the loan of Randolph for the day when he could've been cleaning the house from top to bottom and had even taken the day off from purposefully sabotaging the less fortunate in her current occupation as head of the school board to see her offspring's glorious triumph...

To see only two first place awards?! What a disgrace! What an outrage! She'd never live this humiliation down!

She didn't care that Diamond Tiara had just driven the race of her young life, to finish a literal hair's breadth in front of Apple Bloom's speedster. She didn't give a damn that the pink filly's flashy cart had just beaten Scootaloo's entry in the creative design stakes.

The fact Tiara hadn't managed to nab the 'best recreation of an original cart' prize meant that, as far as her mother was concerned, she might as well have not participated at all.

Now, having sent their ailing family butler home to prepare Spoiled's hot steam bath (she'd decided to take a break from the spa, too many undesirables there) the displeased mare was giving her daughter, from the older pony's point of view, a well deserved tongue-lashing.

It was as the Crusaders and their guardians were going home together that they heard Mrs Rich's whining. This wasn't much of a surprise, considering you could probably make out her complaints from the other side of Equestria and back. Passing right behind the bush where the verbal admonishment was taking place though, the mixed group couldn't help but catch the brunt of the tirade.

"...It was bad enough that I let you enlist in this ridiculous charade, after you rudely turned down the invitation to Fancy Pants' croquet tournament! As I've stated many times before, a rough event like this is simply not the environment for elite ponies such as us. I mean, just look at what those commoners have done to my brand new hat!"

"...Mother, it's just one speck of oil. It'll come off easily, just give it to the maid when you get back..."

"That's not the point, Diamond. If you were hammering balls through hoops by now, this never would have happened. I'd be enjoying a grass cocktail with true upper-class ponies, while you as my daughter would be helping me impress them in that special gown I imported for you. How could you have been so selfish?!"

"I don't like that dress, Mom. It feels all itchy and starchy. Plus, I have this feeling it's too big for me..."

"Nonsense, child. It's all the rage in Canterlot at the moment, and that was the smallest size they had in stock. You'll soon grow into it. I'll see that you do anyway, with the new regime of muesli and stretching I'm putting you on, starting tomorrow..."

"But, mommmm..."

"...That's another thing I've been meaning to discuss with you. All of this backtalk I've been hearing of late, you never used to be this opinionated when your only friend was that Silver filly. Now, I catch you hanging around with ponies who are so below us on the social scale, it isn't even funny. You cheek me outside the school, force me to spend our hard-earned bits on playground equipment for ungrateful brats and even have the audacity to moan about me to your father?! How could you, after all done for my..our future? It took an entire night of shouting to get him back into line! I had to gargle seltzer water all morning afterwards. I hope you're proud of yourself, forcing me to make those embarrassing noises at work!!"

"H-he had a right to know, mother. The way you were treating me wasn't n-nice..."

"Oh, and I suppose those new friends of yours taught you that, did they? Let me guess, was it those three low-lives I saw you with after the school meeting was adjourned, the day you suddenly became a delinquent? I'll tell you something for free, daughter of mine... if you start following their example, your future is going to take a sharp turn into nowhere, to use a racing analogy. I can't believe my own flesh and blood would rather heed the advice of a dirty farmer, a tone-deaf unicorn and some sort of flightless..."

"THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH OF THAT!!"

The yelled proclamation there didn't come from the browbeaten Diamond or her hugely overbearing mother, but Applejack, who even now was trotting up towards the mother-daughter duo, a large scowl set on her face. She was flanked either side by a not-exactly-happy-either Rarity and Rainbow Dash, while their younger relatives remained at the rear, wondering what exactly was going to happen next.

Diamond Tiara seemed quite surprised to see her new friends and their big sisters appear, but Spoiled Rich's stern expression didn't waver at all, almost as if she'd known they were eavesdropping all the time. She scrutinised each adult pony there with utter disdain, before glancing over the taller equine frames to look at their smaller sisters, with a special glare reserved for Sweetie Belle, who was holding something blue and circular in her hooves.

"I see you're clutching that first place rosette for 'best cart recreation' like your life depended on it..." Spoiled sniffed, her oversized nostrils curled up in utter contempt. "Better treasure it forever, because it's the only thing you'll ever win. Unless, of course, there are any competitions for worst singer out there. My dear, I've heard you torture the Equestrian national anthem from my office each schoolday, and you sound like a sick cat! How you ever got that musical cutie mark, I haven't a clue. Just like how your big sister stays in business, with such mediocre fashion designs. The world is indeed a mysterious place..."

"Mediocre?! Why... how dare you...and being so rude about my little Sweetie like that, as well!" Rarity gasped, instinctively shielding her younger sibling from this vile mare's abuse. "She has a voice like an angel, and I'll have you know I happen to own a cat who's recovering from a rather nasty case of influenza, and they sound nothing alike! For that unprovoked attack on my darling sister, and that outrageous slur on my sartorial skills, you are no longer welcome in any of my boutiques, Mrs Rich! Don't ever darken our doorstep again with your uncouth mouth, if you'd be so kind!"

"Uncouth, eh?" Spoiled seemed unperturbed by Rarity's threat, and put a hoof to her mouth to cover up an arrogant giggle. " You'd know all about that wouldn't you dear, considering the company you keep. I mean, just look at that redneck standing next to you, and think about the way she conducts herself. 'Tarnation' this, and 'darn tootin' that, I think it would take at least nine straight years of elocution lessons until she's in the least bit coherent. Why my husband chooses to trade with the likes of you I don't know, but I suppose we've all got to do our bit for charity..."

"Why, you pompous, prissed up snob!" Applejack growled, looking like she wanted to buck more than just apples at that precise moment. " I hope you realise it was us Apples that made your family their fortune in the first place! Filthy sure does, I think Diamond over there has seen the light too... and don't think I don't know who put all those horrible things she said about Granny Smith in her mouth, neither. Now, I hear you harassin' her in public again, for not getting getting a full set of awards? You're as bad as me, that time I competed at the rodeo..."

"Applejack, she doesn't need to know about that..." Rainbow Dash, for once, tried to be the better pony. "She's not worth it. Let's just go..."

"Ah yes, the new Wonderbolt..." Spoiled's smirk continued, as she turned her fire onto the pegasus. " I suppose you'd like to give me a lecture on being over-competitive too. Well, isn't that just like Luna calling the kettle black. I heard about what happened at the Running Of The Leaves a few years ago, when you and your rustic friend over there were so desperate to win, that you made quite the public spectacle. What about that report I heard as well, about you having to be rescued by a slimy turtle when you were showing off during a race? Pathetic, truly pathetic..."

"What was that you said about Tank?!" Rainbow was clearly not impressed about hearing her beloved pet spoken about in such derisory terms, and went nose-to-nose with Spoiled there and then (although, in that department at least, it was a bit of a mismatch).

Mrs Rich remained unphased at what she regarded as predictably aggressive peasant behaviour, and simply brushed past Rainbow as she trotted towards, oddly enough, Sweetie Belle. It was here that the older mare's real agenda became apparent, as she carefully sat adjacent to the young unicorn, put on her most convincing of phony smiles and spoke in the most syrupy of tones.

"You don't really want that rosette do you, my dear?" She said in a honey-sweet voice, while attempting to ruffle the uncooperative filly's mane. "I mean, you'll just add it to all the other junk you already have, and never think of it again. I, on the other hoof, would put it in a special glass case with the rest of the set, so anypony can admire them when they come and visit Rich Mansion. So, how about it? I'll make you an offer for it here and now, and maybe you could even afford those singing lessons you so desperately need! Now that I'm no longer to be a regular customer at your big sister's boutique, and I plan to tell all my other friends to boycott it, she isn't going to be able to give you so many bits, so if I were you, I'd..."

"... Turn down the offer, whatever the price, and tell her to get stuffed! Oh, and don't worry about your sister's business Sweetie, because as I've said before... she doesn't have any friends." A loud, angry voice piped up from behind Spoiled, and for once the usually confident mare looked a little shaken.

It was Diamond Tiara, who'd finally reached the limit of her mother's nonsense for a second time in her life.

That's right. It was operation Call The Old Nag Out, part two.

"It's bad enough you've subjected me to years of your impossible standards..." Diamond narrowed her eyes, her face a picture of tranquil fury. "But now, you're trying to involve my new friends too?! Well, I've got news for you... I never even wanted to win an award today. All I desired was to have a fun time with my classmates and Randolph, who by the way, treats me with far more respect and compassion than you ever have! When you showed up today to 'cheer' me on, I genuinely thought that you'd just come to watch me perform... who was I trying to kid?! All you've ever seen when you've looked at me is a walking trophy, or somepony to show off at snooty society balls, and I'm fed up of it!!"

"D-dear, you don't understand..." Spoiled tried to control her daughter, but most of her usual venom appeared to be missing. " O-our family has certain traditions to adhere to..."

"Oh, yeah?" Diamond said, with a half sneer. "Well, as a member of this prestigious family, I'm starting a new 'tradition' right now... and that is, the days of working my flank off to inflate your humungous ego with worthless awards are over! Well done, Scootaloo! You're the new winner of the best designed cart! Congrats, Apple Bloom! You've been promoted to first place in the finishing line! Nice job to you too, Sweetie Belle! I'm sure you three will appreciate those rosettes far more than my mother ever could! As for me, I've already got what I wanted all along... a classroom full of friends. I'll see you all there tomorrow. Come on Mother, we're going home. Later on, you can write an apology letter to all the ponies you've offended today while you're soaking in the tub, but try not to stay too long in the water this time. It really does make your skin wrinkle, especially around the neck area..."

After hoofing over her prizes and giving each filly a quick hug, Tiara bid everypony present there goodbye, before simply turning around and walking casually in the direction of her mansion.

As for Spoiled, perhaps it was because she was still unused to being spoken to in that manner, also possibly aided by her daughter's cutie mark talent of 'getting other ponies to do what she wants'. In any case, it was all she could do to follow Diamond home like a little lost puppy, her once formidable skills of communication now reduced to simple huhs and whats.

A few minutes after watching their silhouettes fade, the Crusader's stunned expressions quickly turned to joy, as they danced around with wild abandon, deliriously happy at their unexpected awards but also for their new friend, who once again, had proven how far she had come in such a short space of time.

In the meantime, Applejack looked at the celebrating fillies close by, then at the equally nonplussed Rainbow Dash and Rarity standing next to her, before saying what was on everypony's lips: "What in tarnation was that? I'll be darn tootin'... "

Author's Note

Just a little something I whipped up after the latest episode, inspired by a couple of comments I saw on the message board... :pinkiehappy:

Don't EVER accuse me of not being up-to-date :flutterrage: