Crossworlds Guardian, Sailor Orbital!

by Masterweaver

Rating: teen
Tags: Carrot Top, Original Character, Comedy, Adventure, Equestria Girls, Derpy Hooves, Raindrops, Alternate Universe, Other, Drama
Length: 15948

The Joyous Adventure! Our Hero: Bright eyed!

A long time ago, before Sunset Shimmer saved the world, before Starswirl banished the Sirens away, before Magic vanished... there was an incredible kingdom, that spanned the stars. A great war sealed them away, but now they awaken, ready to defend the world once more! And already a great hero has arisen to lead them in their quest for the lost moon princess!

Part of the Oversaturated World. Cover art is a combination of artworks by Hybryda and BlackGryph0n.

Published 2016-10-13 19:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-12-16 15:29:50 UTC

Dangerous Energy Feeder! Woe of the Munarin.

For a brief moment, Ditzy's brain got jammed trying to decide between dinosaur and amazon when defining the creature. Its red eyes snapped to her, and she ended up settling for something else entirely that happens to be LUNGING AT ME!

Instinctively she brought up the purifier, batting away the thing's odd hands (claws?) and rolling under its orange arm. It contorted around, hissing through jagged jaws as it tracked her--and then the odd fronds on the side of its head twitched, and it spun around to swipe at Kikai.

"Kyrre!" The cat struggled in the creature's grip. "Put me down! 放して！Kerva nirani!"

The creature's tail swished as it extracted the small rod from Kikai's paws. "...Munarin..."

Ditzy narrowed her eyes, taking a careful stance. "Okay, put the cat down now." She didn't flinch with the thing twisted its odd spine to look at her. "Yeah, I'm still here."

"Krrrchari skrevanorin Ningen criv?" The pointed... things on the creature's shoulders began to roll, as it let out a hissing laugh. "Skrith!"

"I do not understand what it is saying," Kikai gasped. "I cannot--"

"Zrkvin carvenchi?" came a new voice, hissing up from the other side of the gate.

"Clarchivnor merquin clrch!" the creature shouted down. "Vaucoi sler crevma cernis Munarin!"

"Munarin?!"

"Veriqe Skrith!"

A blue head poked of the gate--a head with the same fronds and jagged jaw as the creature holding Kikai, but much more human in proportion. The pupilless yellow eyes widened. "Ningen.... veriqe Skrith!"

"Okay, I'm amazing," Ditzy allowed. "Now why don't we all calm down and--"

"Clarvin! Noerkth moraq crey carri!" The blue head retracted, footsteps rushing away.

The orange creature grinned sadistically, turning its attention back to the feline in its grasp. "Clervencharit, Munarin, skarin vorex va?"

Even through the helmet, Kikai's terror was palpable. "Oh stardust I'm going to die I'm going to--"

Ditzy narrowed her eyes and flung herself at the creature, wrapping her wand around the thick neck. It did nothing to disable the massive being, but apparently it was enough to startle it into dropping what it held into the ring. Its neck snapped around--this close she could see the strange markings on its forehead--and it snarled angrily at her.

"...I did not think this through."

The creature reached back and grabbed her by the boots, ripping her from its back and tossing her against the domed wall. She landed in a crouch, blindly kicking herself sideways to avoid its jump--and flinching as her attempt to trigger her lightbow only rewarded her with a lance of heat. "What--?"

"Mmmmrnnngh. Oh... stardust..."

"Kikai?" Right, the helmet had radio--the helmet! Ditzy slapped a hand to the back of her neck, feeling the uniform's collar. "Crap. Wait." She glanced at the sharp points on her purifier. "That could work."

"Miss Doo? Miss Doo!" The feline's voice returned. "I can see the control rod, but--"

Ditzy only just managed to dodge an orange swipe. "Bring it back up, I'll handle ugly!" She slipped forward, swinging her rod--a bit too much, accidentally spinning into a backwards headbutt. "Ow!"

The creature reeled back, clutching at the broken remains of a few of its fangs. "Skrith verin charit!"

That... hadn't been what Ditzy intended, but it seemed to work. Ditzy quickly whipped off her helmet while it was distracted, pushing her purifier against the back of her neck and carefully puncturing the uniform's collar. Her eyes screwed up more than usual as she tried to rip a small gash open as quickly as possible, and she let a triumphant cry out when she felt air against the feathers on the back of her neck--

--and then a startled shout as she rolled to the side to dodge the creature's fists (two thumbs! That was why the hands looked weird!). She gave it a cheeky grin as it snapped its eyes to her, and triggered her lightbow again--this time, the grey arc came to life swiftly, shunting her just out of range of the orange grip before she twirled into the air and hovered.

"Yeah that's right!" Ditzy jeered at its nonplussed face. "I've got all sorts of tricks, and I'm not afraid to--ow!" She rubbed her head, glaring behind her. "Right. Low ceiling. Forgot."

"Ningen vez carich margini..."

"Anyway, yeah!" Ditzy waved her purifier at it threateningly. "Keep looking at me! I'm totally the most dangerous thing here and am not secretly panicking and reconsidering this course of action!" She frowned. "...also, apparently I'm in a post-modern parody. Why am I rambling? I'm usually pretty quiet--"

The symbols on the creature's face lit up, and a glowing chain manifested in the creature's grip. It glanced at the weapon with an odd expression--then it grinned at the girl and flung it at her. She spiraled sideways with a startled squeak, but the creature merely flicked its wrist and wrapped the links around her ankle. With a yank, she was pulled in close enough for it to grab her--her face was inches from the gaping maw, the long tongue twitching as foul breath bathed her cheeks.

"Okay, this is bad." Ditzy struggled in the creature's grasp, trying to use her unique power to maybe twist a few dimensions, but an odd lethargy seemed to overcome her. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw her lightbow flicker and shrink. "Oh, that's very bad."

A scrabbling sound caught her attention, and she caught sight of Kikai clambering out of the Gate. The armored feline took one look at her and gasped. "Miss Doo!"

That had the unfortunate effect of getting the creature's attention. Its neck snapped around, red eyes glaring.

In that moment, freed of the creature's draining effect, Ditzy realized she had to act. With great effort, she swung her purifier and jabbed the pointed tips into her adversary's skin.

The creature roared, yanking her out of range as it swung its thick tail at the armored feline. Kikai dodged with a yelp, rolling to the side. "That chain--it is Vaucoi! But that means--"

"SKARVEN MUNARIAN DAREICLA SKRITH VEE!"

Kikai jumped back as the creature whirled around. "Miss Doo! Your purifier!"

Ditzy didn't think. She swung the wand in her hand around, pointed the crescent at the creature's face, and press the button hard.

A line of glowing energy formed between the crescent tips, swirling into a sphere of light in the curve before shooting out as a great beam of rippling brightness. The creature shrieked and dropped her, falling back as its skin wrinkled and twisted like melting plastic; lines of green and purple formed on the surface, glowing more and more intensely as it wailed and scrabbled at itself. The shining crescendoed into a vague outline of the beast, before suddenly bursting outward; when Ditzy managed to blink away the flash, her eyes fell on the pile of orange dust, all that remained of her assailant.

"...Oh my god. Oh my god."

"Stardust." Kikai took a breath. "That was... that was a corrupted Vaucoi..."

"It had boobs. Was it a girl?" Ditzy let out a breath. "Oh my god I think I just killed a girl."

"How did it get corrupted? The Vaucoi are supposed to be smarter than--"

The sound of footsteps got their attention, and they looked at the ring in shock.

"Switch the Gate!" Ditzy shouted. "Switch the Gate now!"

"Right!" Kikai jumped for the control rod, jamming it into the ring. "This should only take a moment, it's a very easy--"

"JUST SWITCH IT I CAN SEE THEM!"

"I AM! I AM I--"

The runes on the ring glowed, the image within shimmering and warping. Ditzy swore she could see ominous yellow eyes looking up at her for the briefest of instants--and then let out a sigh of relief as a sidewalk and gravel road wavered into being.

"...am." Kikai let out a breath. "Okay. Now. I... I am going to get... everything out of the storage spheres that I can. And load it... into my pocket gem." The feline looked at her. "Could you... perhaps help me with that?"

"Huh?"

"Carrying things." A paw gestured at her vambraces. "The uniform comes with pockets, after all."

"Oh. Oh, I... yeah." Ditzy nodded. "I... we should... yeah. Let's do that, and then... we'll figure out where on Earth this Gate goes..." Standing up, the teen took a moment to brace herself against the wall. "That... that just happened. Yeah."

"Yes. It did. I... am sorry for that, miss Doo, I did not know..."

"No. It's... it wasn't your fault." With a deep breath, she wandered over to one of the spheres and put her hands on it. "Okay, so, does this just open when I think 'open' at it or..."

With a hum, the sphere collapsed into nothingness and released a mass of discs and other devices at least twice as big as it had been.

Kikai blinked in surprise. "That is... miss Doo, do you have some form of magical ability?"

"Yeah. Actually all humans do, what with the Saturation and all."

"The Saturation?"

Ditzy shrugged. "Like I said, it's a long story. It happened..." She paused, doing some mental calculations. "...wow. Has it been a year already? Anyway, basically the universe was going to explode, and Sunset Shimmer stopped it by... I'm not clear on the details, but now magic is back and we've all got some super powers."

"Really?"

"Yep. For instance..." With a mischievous grin, Ditzy activated her lightbow and levitated off the ground. "Ta-daaaah!"

"Hmm. Well. That... is certainly fascinating." Kikai tapped the surface of their helmet. "It would explain why the Vaucoi was able to drain you so easily--"

"Drain?"

"Yes. Vaucoi are known to feed on magic and incorporate it into themselves." The feline shrugged. "It was harmless, back before I went into my containment, but... if they filled themselves with tainted magic, they might have grown less careful or more..."

Their voice trailed off.

"...More sadistic?" Ditzy offered.

"How could they have fallen so far?" Kikai whispered. "They were one of the greatest allies of the Munarin kingdom. What dark force have they joined with to become such monstrosity? How did it corrupt them so quickly?"

"Quickly?" Ditzy frowned. "What do you mean quickly?"

Kikai took a breath and, after a moment, tapped a bead on their armor, letting the uniform sparkle back into the form of a disc. "When we sense magic fading from the world, those Munarin who were on your planet voluntarily entered confinement. Nullstorms are rare, but not outside the realm of probability; it would take a few years, perhaps a decade or two, before we would need to be released."

"Oh." Ditzy bit her lip. "Wow. Uh... Kikai. I don't know how to tell you this, but... we've got records going back centuries, and while I can't be sure, I'm pretty certain that any magic before Sunset Shimmer would have to have happened... maybe a millennium ago."

"What?"

"To be honest, we didn't even think magic was real until after the Saturation. And that was because there was magic from another reality seeping in, and..." Ditzy shrugged, awkwardly. "I... guess I didn't ever really think about where we got our fantasy stories, anyway."

Kikai stared at her. "But... but that would mean..." Slowly, the feline turned to stare at the Gate. "That... oh stardust. Oh stardust."

The teen glanced around for a moment. Then she leaned down, picking up the feline gently and wrapping her in a hug. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"My clan... my siblings, my mates..." Kikai choked back a sob. "My, my kits..."

"I... I really am sorry, Kikai. I don't know what to say."

The quiet, simple mewling of the alien cat, and the gentle murmurs of the grey-skinned teenager petting them down, joined the constant thrum of the Gate and the runes around it.

Unforeseen Complications! Friends give their Advice.

"....so after Kikai finished, uh... well, after that, we gathered up everything we could and jumped through the Gate. Of course, we ended up in Neighpon, but between her archaic speech and the ubiquity of wranglish we were able to pidgin-speak our way to somebody who we could actually talk to. He got us in touch with the Aztlan Institute, we spent a day or two helping them figure out the Gate chamber and showing off all the Munarin gizmos, then we got a private jet back home."

Blue Oyster and Raspberry Fluff both stared across the picnic table at Ditzy as she casually ate her ham sandwich.

"...Whunf?"

The blue-skinned girl shook her head slowly. "Only you, Ditzy. Only you could end up in Neighpon, find ancient alien technology, kill a monster, and shrug it off like it was tuesday."

"It was a Friday, actually."

"So..." The pink girl tried, and failed, to hold back a snicker. "So, you've got a talking cat, and you fight monsters with a crescent wand. Does that make you Sailor Luna?"

The grey girl put on a thoughtful expression. "Well, I still need the miniskirt and the odango, but--"

"Ditzy, you remember what happened when Octavia arranged that music show? What did I say?"

Ditzy sighed, turning to her other friend. "Come on, Blue."

"What the absolute crap did I say!?"

"You're scaring Dinky."

Dinky shook her head, idly chomping off a bit of her granola bar. "No, this is pretty much what I expected from Aunt Blue."

Raspberry Fluff doubled over, laughing to hard to keep standing.

"And if we're being technical," said Ditzy, "this is living anime."

"THAT'S WORSE!" Blue exploded. "There's a reason anime is fictional! There's a reason fiction is fictional! All the stories have heroes going against dangers and surviving not because of their skill or their experience but because it makes a good story! And they never go into detail about, about trauma and, stuff like that!"

Slowly, the grey girl put down her sandwich. "...you're really worried about this, aren't you?"

"OF COURSE I'M WORRIED! This isn't some sort of joke, this is serious!"

Ditzy took a breath. "...Look, Blue? Ever since the Saturation, I've been bounced across universes, met several versions of myself both human and horse, fought off a giant swarm of replicating cybernetic waffles, visited by a spirit of Yuletide past who got the wrong address, shanghaied into finding incredibly saucy pirate booty, interned for a transdimensional organization responsible for space expansion in some universes, stopped no less than thirteen apocalypse cults, contracted the first case of teleportitis despite not having a unicorn aspect, stripped naked for science three times, encountered an invisible fluffy tentacle monster that demanded entirely platonic cuddles, crashed Vinyl's car through the roof of a skyscraper, and had to babysit my own daughter from the future."

She turned to Dinky. "No offense meant, of course."

"None taken."

"What I'm saying," she continued, "is that I'm a weirdness magnet. At this point, I just roll with it."

Blue Oyster clacked her fingernails together in frustration. "That's not--arrrrgh! You. You're just not..."

Raspberry Fluff put a hand on her shoulder. "Blue. Blue. You're overthinking things. What Ditzy's saying is, she can handle it." She patted her reassuringly. "It'll be okay."

"...I guess," Blue grumbled. "I don't know..."

"Look, Dinky's here, right? That means Ditzy survives long enough to raise her. Stable time loop and all that."

"It's not a direct case of cause and effect," Dinky noted. "I mean, if I pushed Mom towards Dad, sure, but this is more acausal."

Blue slumped onto the bench. "Yeah, okay. Sure. I guess."

Raspberry tapped her chin. "Say, who is your dad, anyway?"

Dinky rolled her eyes. "Even if I wanted to tell you, I couldn't. Psycholock keeps me from telling you anything you couldn't learn in at least three hours."

"And I am super grateful for that," Ditzy added. "This is all awkward enough as is. Do you know how much worse it would be if I bumped into her father before we even started dating and I knew it?"

Blue Oyster nodded. "Yeah, that... that would be weird." She sighed, rapping her fingers on the table. "...I guess I should look at the bright side of things. We've got actual confirmation of aliens!"

"What am I, chopped liver?"

Ditzy, Blue, Raspberry, and Dinky all turned to see a mint green unicorn walking up to them, with a blue-gold feline riding on her head and a cream-skinned teenager just catching up.

Ditzy waved. "Hey Lyra! Hey Bonbon!"

The feline hopped onto the table and gave the cream teenager an odd look. "I thought your name was Sweetie Drops."

"It is. The Bonbon thing..." Sweetie flushed. "It's an awkward story. Only Derpy gets to call me that, cause I get to call her Derpy."

Dinky tilted her head. "Why? How did you get that name anyway?"

Raspberry grinned. "Well, you see--"

Ditzy clapped her hands over Dinky's ears. "NO. Not until she's twenty."

"Chronologically, biologically, or personally?"

"All three!"

Sweetie Drops' face was now as pink as her forelocks. "ANYWAY. Moving on from my name, me and Lyra just finished helping Kikai with the citizenship papers."

"Ah." Blue nodded, ignoring Raspberry trying to pull Ditzy's hands of her daughter's ears. "I take it that's why you're not wearing your gorget?"

"Yep. Showing PAULDRONS solidarity." Lyra brushed some dust off the shirt she was wearing. "Mostly we just tweaked my own special needs records, although we ran into a small snag and had to talk to Gillion."

"Really?"

"Munarin are genetically sexless, but we had seven genders," Kikai explained. "After some discussion, I decided that feminine pronouns were the best fit."

"Yeah, that's a remnant of an outdated classification system. I'd like to change it, but..." Lyra shrugged awkwardly. "PAULDRONS is focusing more on species normatives than gender normatives right now."

"I know, Flippr's been going wild over your supposed 'bias.' Not that I buy it." Blue leaned sideways, just dodging Raspberry as she stumbled past. "But still... aliens! Actual aliens, that look like cats!"

The unicorn gave her a flat look. "I've lived here since I was five."

"You're from another universe, not another planet."

"How is that any less impressive?!"

"One: You swapped with your alternate when you were a kid, pretty much by accident. Two: you used magic, which was esoteric at the time, where the Munarin used technology, suggesting we could eventually achieve the same accomplishment with our own wit."

"There is some magic in our technology," Kikai pointed out, her eyes fixated on Raspberry and Ditzy's slapfight.

"Okay, but three: the universe Lyra came from is apparently an alternate of our own, and crossing realities might require some different mechanics from space travel but apparently not nearly as much energy, if Ditzy's any example. And... if I'm quite honest, after all the crazy shit that's happened in the last year, my sense of wonder is desperate for something new. Hence, aliens."

Lyra held up a hoof, paused, and lowered it. "I can't really argue with that."

Kikai cleared her throat. "I do not wish to interject, but... is it normal for two people to battle in such a manner these days?"

Dinky shrugged. "Well, maybe not for most people, but for auntie Razz this is pretty typical." She watched her future mother headlock her laughing friend. "They should be done any second now."

"ALRIGHT! I give! I give!" The pink girl laughed. "Yeesh, Ditzy, you've gotten way too good at this."

"Survival instincts." Ditzy released her. "After all I've been through, I pick up some things. Sorry about that," she added as she walked back over to the table. "Motherly duties, you know how it is."

Kikai looked from her to Dinky. "...Ah. Forgive my ignorance, but... I had assumed you were below the age of consent."

"I am. Dinky dropped by from the future." The teen noticed the feline's befuddled expression. "You know, time travel? I haven't had her yet but I will some time in the future and send her back to now?"

"I... do apologize. My specialty was always more in the fields of social trade and communication. I left the technicalities of Gate resonance mostly to..."

She trailed off, her eyes downcast. The humans and unicorn around the table all glanced at each other, growing more uncomfortable.

"...Hey." Ditzy put her hand on Kikai's shoulder. "We're all here for you. You know that, right?"

"I appreciate the gesture, miss Doo. It is just..." With a deep breath, the Munarin pushed her hand off. "I would rather not darken this day with talk of the dead."

"Alrighty then, subject changing prana!" Raspberry turned to Lyra and Sweetie Drops with a ludicrous grin. "You two still doin' it?"

"RAZZ!" Ditzy clapped her hands over Dinky's ears again. "Seriously!"

"Hey, I'm pretty sure we're all curious."

Sweetie Drops buried her hands in her face. "This. This is why only Ditzy would partner with you for the Battle of the Bands."

Blue Oyster cleared her throat. "What about me?"

Lyra gave her a flat look. "You, if I recall, are the one that INSISTED on giving me a physical."

"...More knowledge is always useful."

"Girls," Ditzy deadpanned. "We've got a kid here."

"I will admit to my own curiosity as to the logistics of your relationship," Kikai added. "It was part of my job to consider all the possible relationships between multiple species, after all--"

"Fine!" Lyra threw up her hooves. "Yes, we've mostly worked it out. Either I'm wearing my gorget or she's wearing a blindfold."

Raspberry quirked an eyebrow. "A blindfold?"

"Look at her!" Sweetie exploded. "I love her and I can work with touch but--but she's just too cute to be sexy!"

Kikai tapped her chin. "Hmm. I do believe I have heard of issues like that. I cannot be sure, but I think there might be some devices that would help you in some of the Gate chamber spheres."

"Yes! Alien technology!" Ditzy released her grip on Dinky's ears. "A much more child appropriate topic."

"Unless we count probing!"

Blue Oyster backhanded Raspberry off the bench without even glancing at her.

"Thanks Blue."

"Not a prob, Ditzy. In all seriousness, I am also curious about your technology."

Kikai shrugged. "Well, the Aztlan institute did ask me to categorize everything that I brought with me. It was fairly basic. Mostly tools and devices for maintaining and operating the Gates, a few personal effects... and quite a bit of trade material, if I am entirely honest. We were primarily merchants, after all..."

Blue nodded. "I see. I take it you weren't one of the ones educated in the mechanics behind your devices?"

"No. I apologize." The feline smiled faintly. "Still, I do believe a number of engineers underwent confinement. Once other Gate chambers are found, there should be plenty of technical knowledge available to the public."

"Of course, the issue is going to be finding them," Ditzy pointed out.

Kikai gave her an odd look. "Well... they are all registered in the master control computer."

"And where would that be?"

"On the moon. Well, under the surface, yes, but I would assume your moon base has been equipped with geosensors of some sort."

There was an awkward pause.

"...I am somehow getting the impression that I am missing something."

Ditzy coughed into her fist. "Yeah, we... don't have a base on the moon. Nobody does. We've landed there a couple times, but always came back."

"But... that would... oh." Kikai's ears flattened. "Oh dear."

"Still, that's not a big problem," Blue assured her quickly. "I mean, once they hear there's an alien base on the moon, NEISA will plan a mission. It might take a few years, but--"

"You do not understand!" Kikai cried. "When I activated the Gate, it automatically sent a signal to the moon computer! We programmed it to open other Gates in sequence once one of us was freed, because we thought the Munarin on the other side would be able to free us and reestablish contact with Earth society! But that was when we thought it would only be a few decades--not over a thousand years!"

"Wait." Ditzy braced against the table. "Are you saying we've got portals to alien worlds opening up at nearly random across the planet, with the last known contact longer than a millennium ago?"

"It is far worse than that. Some of the Gates connect to the same world--some of them connect to the world that corrupted Vaucoi came from." Kikai shivered. "And the only way to know where those Gates are is either to get to the moon... or wait for the Vaucoi to appear!"

Author's Note

"Wow! That is a startling and entirely unexpected development!"

"I wish I could be more helpful, miss Doo! I should have explained this a chapter ago!"

"Well, yes, but you were pretty distressed at the time. I'm willing to give that a pass."

"Thank you. Still. There is a potential alien invasion in progress. I do not know what we should do!"

"...Miniskirts. Definitely get miniskirts."

Hurried Plans and In-Jokes! The Team is Rapidly Assembled.

"WHOA!" Raspberry shot to her feet and slammed her hands on the table. "Did I hear that right? There's going to be an invasion of energy draining alien monsters?!"

"Apparently--wait!" Ditzy pointed to the golden girl talking with her friends across the park. "Sunset could just teleport us to the moon! Problem solved!"

"No, she can't."

Raspberry frowned. "Blue, just because you're an athiest--"

"No, I mean NEISA was experimenting with Earth-to-Moon teleports, and while it is theoretically possible, factoring in orbital mechanics and energy maintenance is a demanding process even for the most high-speed computers they have. The best options are either using a dual anchor system of harmonically aligned endpoints, which I suspect the Gates are, or building a massive power ziggurat and pointing it." Blue Oyster had pulled out her smart phone and started scrolling through a few pages. "Technically, Sunset could do it, but she intervened explicitly to state that the concentration required would distract her from more important things, like keeping the Oort cloud from dissolving."

"...oh." Raspberry sat down. "Well. That sucks."

"Wait, hold on." Ditzy rapped her fingers against the table. "If the gates are dual anchor systems, there might be one near the moon computer, right? And I know they can be reoriented--"

"The Gates were programmed not to be connected to the moon Gate until a descendant of the Princess of the Moon Kingdom could be found and brought to one. Furthermore, it is difficult but not impossible to find the code referencing which particular strands of DNA this theoretical descendant might have, and in order to gather enough of the data to be useful you would have to search through multiple Gate computing systems due to the surge caused by the Saturation."

Dinky glanced up from her granola bars at the baffled stares and sighed. "Like I said, the psycholock only prevents me from telling you anything you couldn't find out in three hours. I mean, you could spend the time interrogating auntie Kikai, but I'd really rather speed things along."

The feline shook her head, clearing her throat. "Well... she is correct. In theory, if we found enough Gates, we could decode the particular genetic sequence that unlocks the lunar orientation programming. From there, it would be easy to get to the Moon computer and identify all the Gates." She tilted her head. "In fact, it might be far easier than waiting on a rocket-based space mission to go searching across fourteen and a half million square miles for the underground bunker it is in."

"But the only way to find Gates without the use of the computer is to backtrack from potential Vaucoi attacks," Ditzy pointed out. "So we'd need to wait for them to start draining people, fight them back, and capture... the... Razz, why are you grinning like that?"

The pink teenager stood, reaching dramatically for the sky with one hand. "Energy draining monsters from another world are invading," she announced grandiosely. "One cat seeks out a heroic team to fight them back," she added. "A heroic team of teenage girls, searching for the moon princess!"

"Oh no." Blue shook her head. "No no no no. We are not--!"

"Led by the one, the only, Saaaaaaaaaaaaailor Luuuuuuuuuuna!" Razz paused. "No, wait, that's copyright infringement. Sailor Orbital? We'll figure it out later."

"Really." Sweetie Drops crossed her arms. "You're really going to try this."

"I have to admit, the Crossworlds Guardian Emergency Worker Uniform does look a lot like a Sailor Luna outfit." Ditzy shrugged. "Just, you know, with a track suit underneath and a helmet... and armor in place of miniskirts and collars. Actually, if we put collars and skirts over the armor--"

"Sweet science," Blue Oyster groaned. "You're just as crazy as the Power Patriot kids."

Lyra tilted her head. "I kind of like them."

"They're kids, fighting crime! Adults at least I can get, but--"

"It's against regulation for anyone without a driver's licence to go on patrol without supervision," Dinky pointed out. "So it's sort of like an apprenticeship, really. They get to watch and take notes, help out against the people without guns, and--"

"Look, I get that you come from the future where this is apparently normal, but a year ago the biggest thing I had to worry about were my grades and keeping these two from getting into trouble."

"Hey!" Raspberry Fluff protested. "Ditzy was perfectly well behaved!"

"Yeah, but her lack of coordination..." Blue shook her head. "I think we're getting off track here. The point is, this is crazy and dangerous and we really, really should leave it to... somebody with training!"

"Blue," Ditzy said calmly. "Who would believe us?"

"Uh, practically anybody who wasn't living under a rock?! Weird shit is happening every day, Ditzy! It's like fate's being run by somebody who wants to pack reality full of things that are astounding, dramatic, or just plain weird!"

None of them noticed the three little girls across the park sneeze, one by one.

"Okay, rephrase. Who would listen to us who isn't already tied up with the weird shit that's happening and would be willing to handle the situation?"

Blue held up a finger, paused, and groaned. "Stop it. Stop being so logical. That's my schtick."

"Yeah..." Sweetie Drops rubbed her arm. "Me and Lyra are swamped with PAULDRONS paperwork, and... yeah."

"Don't worry, Blue. I'm not saying Ditzy has to go it alone." Raspberry grinned. "Heck, we could form the inner senshi ourselves!"

"What?"

"Yeah! You've got brains enough to keep people on track and analyze everything, give you some magic bubbles and you'd make a perfect Sailor Hermes! Heck, you've even got the hair!"

Blue Oyster frowned. "Just the bubbles? I'd need the freeze spray before I even considered this."

"I'm sure there's some gadget on the market for that, we'll look through the Aztlan shopping catalog later. And since I know Galician, I can be Sailor Ares."

Ditzy rolled her eyes. "Razz, I keep telling you Shadowjack is fanfiction."

"Blasphemy! Shadowjack is the one true canon!" Raspberry grinned. "Also I can do this." Her forehead gem began to glow, and a small red flame hovered in her hand.

"What--? How did you learn to do that?!"

"Well, I was at cousin Puff's--"

"NOPE! That's all I need to know." Blue held up her hands. "Down that road lies madness."

Raspberry pouted, snuffing the flame out. "You're no fun."

"If you're going to be Ares, you're going to need prayer strips," Ditzy pointed out.

"Already got 'em." The pink girl pulled a few long strips of paper from her pockets. "Granted, usually I use them to tie up all the daisy or other flower sandwiches I make for our divine equine--"

"Wait a minute, you're a Shimmerist?"

Raspberry brought her fists together before her chest. "A proud member of the Church of the Divine Bacon Horse." She punctuated her statement with what was probably supposed to be a whinny.

Lyra shot a hoof in the air. "Preach it, sister. Although, you should probably go from the diaphragm for the Glorious Proclamation."

"'Let's try to avoid a lawsuit...' 'Don't cast unknown spells on your friends...'" Blue Oyster lowered the strips she was holding. "These are all quotes from her EweTube channel, aren't they?"

"Well yeah. I mean, I could write things she said in her normal life, but I'm no Vehemest. It wouldn't be fair to those who were not blessed by the presence of her mortal frame."

Sweetie Drops rolled her eyes. "You sure she'll be okay with you using her words as a casting medium?"

"Huh, good point. I should ask her." Raspberry got off the bench, knelt on the ground, and raised her fists to the sky. "Oh Divine Bacon Horse--"

"I'm right over here!" Sunset shouted, waving. "Only fifteen feet away!"

"No, I have to do this properly!"

"But--"

"It's the only way to be fair to your other worshipers!"

Sunset pinched the bridge of her nose. "Okay, fine. Proceed."

Raspberry cleared her throat, raising her fists again. "Oh Divine Bacon Horse, Traveler Of Realms, Glorious Proclaimer, Shelled Mystic, She Of The Wonderous Mane, Wellspring Of Magic And Sanity! I, a humble ape blessed with your equine essence, do beseech and implore ye, that you may answer of me a question which burns to my core! I ask whe'er tis allowed to channel your mystic presence through your words, words we take to bind our gifts to thee, and whe'er should we use these words in combat and protection against the vampiric forces that shall come from beyond the stars! I beg of you, Divine Bacon Horse, hear my plea, and mote your answer at your leisure!" She capped her speech with a half-way decent impression of a horse neighing, before prostrating herself westward.

Even from a distance, Sunset's eye roll was entirely visible. Nevertheless, she shut her eyes. In a moment, the shimmering image of an adorably proportioned golden unicorn appeared, red and yellow mane swishing in an unseen breeze as it solemnly approached Raspberry. "...You know what?" came a voice that even the greatest of singers would weep tears of blood to obtain. "I'm cool with it. So long as you don't use this power for evil, you can take the strips and make them protective enchantments or purification devices."

The unicorn half turned, before noticing that Sweetie Drops and Lyra had mirrored Raspberry's pose. She rose an eyebrow at Ditzy, who shrugged helplessly. Dinky closed her fists and pawed at the air with a pointed look; Sunset's amazing pony form gave her a flat stare, before taking on a resigned expression. Rearing up, she released a whinny that rattled the trees, echoing impossibly even as the image of the unicorn faded.

Raspberry Fluff stood, dusting herself off. "Okay, there's that question answered."

"You know, I was informed of the many changes that occurred whilst I was confined in artificial slumber," Kikai mused. "Yet I still find myself stunned by the level of insanity that has become the norm in modern human society."

Blue Oyster snorted. "You're completely ridiculous, you know that?"

"Not as ridiculous as you! We just had a divine visitation, and you're still clinging to your atheism!"

"I acknowledge that Sunset Shimmer is an extra-universal entity with significant control over our cosmological existence." Blue scrolled through her iPhone. "I simply don't believe that makes her a god or otherwise holy being."

Ditzy frowned. "Wouldn't that make you agnostic, not atheist?"

"No. If I were agnostic, I'd be throwing rocks at Sunset. Metaphorically. And literally."

"The specifics of Blue's self-delusions aside, we're getting off topic here." Raspberry tapped the table. "We still need a Sailor Zeus and Aphrodite. Also, maybe alternate names for sailor selves so we don't get sued."

"Well, Golden Harvest is a lot like Wooden Sincerity," Lyra mused. "Good cook, lives alone, super strong even before the Saturation... If it weren't for the whole 'he looks just like my old boyfriend' thing, she'd be a perfect fit."

Sweetie Drops frowned at her. "Are you actually encouraging this?"

"Can you actually think of a way to stop them?"

"....no." She sighed. "Well, at least with ol' Carrot Top on the team, Blue won't be the only voice of reason."

Blue Oyster nodded. "That would be a plus. So I suppose that just leaves--"

"Summer Raindrops!" Ditzy cried. "She's an old friend. People always said aside from our colors we were identical. I mean, we've drifted apart a bit, but I still have her number, and I'm pretty sure she'd love to join in."

"Does she have the requisite zanyness to be Sailor Aphrodite?" Raspberry demanded.

Ditzy nodded. "Oh believe me. If it weren't for Rainy, I would have freaked the fu--the fudge out when I got thrown out of the universe." She spared a glance at Dinky, who pretended to be fascinated with her jewelry.

"Well. I guess that only leaves the outers." Raspberry tapped her chin. "I'm half-thinking Octavia and Vinyl--"

"No no no, they have to come from a different school," Blue pointed out. "Like Crystal Prep. Maybe... oh I don't know, Sugarcoat and Moondancer?"

"Yeah, I could see that. Of course, we'd need an adult for Sailor Hades."

"Well, the only time-related adult woman I can think of is..." Ditzy glanced at the green unicorn awkwardly. "Um, the ETSAB Heartstrings."

Sweetie drops frowned. "Oh."

Lyra snorted. "Her."

"...you know what?" Ditzy held up her hands. "We don't need to assemble an Outer squad just yet. I'm good starting with the inners."

"Yeah, you're right." Raspberry pounded a fist into her palm. "So! Kikai, why don't you and Ditzy gather up stuff for five people. I'll handle the invitations, and we'll all meet up at my place this saturday. Sound good?"

The feline nodded. "I... suppose that assembling a task force is an important enough prospect to require some planning."

Blue Oyster shrugged. "Well, might as well, just to keep you idiots from attacking circuses."

Ditzy frowned. "Actually... yeah, that could be a problem. Don't worry, I know how to solve it. HEY SUNSET!"

"Yeah?"

"If you start dating my daughter, I will punch you! Just so you know!"

Sunset Shimmer held her palms up, an utterly nonplussed expression on her face as she shook her head.

Raspberry rubbed her chin. "You know, I should chide you for threatening our divine equine, but I totally get why you did."

Author's Note

"It is a bit of a leap of logic, though. And it requires being familiar with Sailor Luna lore."

"Well we were talking about it through the whole chapter, Blue. I'm pretty sure we all got it."

"Razz, just because we're all geeks doesn't mean that the readers are."

"Meh, I'm sure the true fans will. Also, OUTRO GET!"

"What are you two doing in here?! This is our out-of-canon recording booth!"

Whispers of the Dreamer! An Enemy Begins their Scheme.

Five shards hung in the sky, their silver light bathing the vine-covered ruins and outlining strange, twisting forms. Zerchriv let his fronds fall as he approached, trying desperately to keep his hands still; every so often his fingers would twitch, terror almost sending him back, but he forced himself to clip forward on his hardened toes.

The guards looked down at him with disinterest. He wasn't disturbed by their fanged jaws, or their fin-like wings, or their spiked tails; they were greatly blessed, yes, but all Vaucoi these days had some form of mutation. No, it was their expression, the way they seemed to see him as a potential meal, that made Zerchriv's fronds fall; their was little doubt they could consume his essence, and none would oppose them. If he was simply wasting their time, he was doomed.

If he ran, even more so.

Steeling himself, he rose to his full height--only half that of the guards, but still more impressive than most. "I bring news. Of the Munarin."

One of the guards leaned down, sniffing at him. "We have heard many such claims."

"False prophets are.... distasteful." The other guard leaned back. "You may have him."

"I do not lie! I saw with my own eyes a Munarin and... another being."

The first guard gave a snort. "All the Munarin on Zkrivort are dead."

"They weren't on Zkrivort!"

"So you've found a Gate." The other guard examined their fingers. "What was on the other side? Priceless gems? A plain of wide grass? A city of wonders, perhaps?"

"It... it was a small chamber, of rock. My height and half again. Aside from the Gate, there were... six metal posts, two of which housed a glass sphere atop them--"

Let him pass.

The guards frowned, but stepped aside. Zerchriv started as the doors ground open, scampering through quickly to escape their piercing glares. He didn't look at the broken statues, commemorating long forgotten heroes and leaders. He didn't look at the devices mounted on the wall, containing semi-lucid Vaucoi of various clades. He didn't look at the great moat of lightning and blood beneath the bridge he crossed. He only looked at the shimmering, fluctuating field of light that stood between him and the inner sanctum.

My, my. You certainly seem rushed. Not even a tithe to show for your effort.

Zerchriv paled, throwing himself to the ground. "Forgive me, o mighty Skrith, for my insolence was not intended!"

Oh, but of course. Mistakes happen after all, especially when one is filled with worry. Do tell me about this Gate...?

"Yes, yes! The Gate!" He nodded quickly. "My sister and I were scouting a lava tunnel, as the mandate of Orvi requested, when it opened. She remained behind to secure it, finding a Munarin and... some other creature, both in strange armor. I returned to our camp and gathered up more to claim it. When I returned, I... I saw the strange creature had taken off its helmet--it had mismatched eyes, and it watched me even as the Gate shimmered out of existence." Zerchriv gulped. "I, I am afraid that despite our efforts, we have yet to reopen it..."

Now that is interesting. Over the course of time, many came here claiming they had opened a Gate, or found one. Never before have any said that it closed.

"O great Skrith, I cannot beg enough pardon for my failure!"

Hmmm? Oh, yes. If I had demanded the Gates be kept open, it would be a failure, wouldn't it? Do relax. I only sought to know the Gate's location.

The tension left Zerchriv's spine, his breath coming easier after a moment or two. "There is no need to worry on that account, O great Skrith. The camp has marked the location and sentries were emplaced. I came here directly after ensuring to that."

Hence your failure to provide tribute.

"Y....yes my lord. A thousand apologies for my lack of foresight. I... was overeager, and will not let it happen again."

Oh, certainly. Certainly. In fact, your report answers some questions I had been meaning to ask.

Zerchriv let his eyes rise, hopefully. "I am overjoyed to hear that, my lord! I had hoped only for this information to be useful to you, oh great one, and--"

It is, quite so. Do let me tell you.

Zerchriv knelt. "Of course, O Skrith. My apologies for interrupting."

I feel the realm wakening from its long slumber, that which deprived both you and I. I feel the blood of reality beginning to flow once more. I feel this, and wonder why. And now you tell me that a Gate has opened... a Gate to a world which the Munarin claimed hosted but small creatures, where yet some of mine disappeared. It is fascinating, is it not? That not so long ago, the world returned to that which was lost and only now do our friends emerge?

"Truly, O Skrith, these matters are auspicious. I do not know how they should be investigated, but whatever you say should be is how I wish to proceed."

Why thank you. I know that I will need such loyalty. Your Gate may be the first that opened; it will not, I believe, be the last. And to send Vaucoi through, seeking answers? That, I believe, will happen no matter how I choose to act.

"As... you say, my lord."

I have an idea. Why don't I send you across? Your sister went through, surely you would wish to know what happened to her.

Zerchriv risked a look up. "I... would be honored, O Skrith, and deeply joyous if you granted such opportunity to me."

Excellent! Oh, but you are quite frail. Do let me bless your form.

The Vaucoi had barely a chance to react to that before his markings flared to life. He fought down a scream of pain as his limbs creaked and twisted, growing longer and more endowed; a gasp of agony escaped him as spikes burst from his back in explosions of orange blood. A pair of finned, writhing wings slithered out of his shoulders, a whiplike tail ripping from the end of his spine; his face contorted and warped as a fanged jaw gave a silent, tortured cry. Two minutes he endured the transformation, two minutes he endured the breaking and reforging of his sinew and bones, and at last he was released, panting, from the magical grip.

"Th... thank... thank you, O Skrith." His voice... was different. More vocalizations... "Your blessing... I am amazed."

Yes, yes. I know. I will call on you when the time is right. Do be ready.... won't you?

Outfitting and Armory! Some Problems are Encountered.

"So as most of you know, we are here today to form a strike group with the intention of gathering enough data to unlock a portal to a secret moon base and gain access to an ancient stargate network spread out across the planet whilst simultaneously dealing with a potential invasion of hostile extra-terrestrials through said stargate network." Blue Oyster cleared her throat. "I'm really only repeating this for Carrot Top and Summer Raindrops--KIKAI WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

The Munarin blinked. "I am... preparing to consume this lovely meal that miss Golden Harvest made for me?"

"It's Earth food! You're an alien! Even assuming your biochemistry is founded on the same principles as our own there's no reason to believe that our bodies can process similar proteins or sugars or--"

"Do not fret, miss Oyster. I have been aligned."

"...And what does that mean?"

"While we were still active on your planet, we would magically bind our physical forms to the essence of other species. As you say, it would be foolhardy to eat anything from this world otherwise; with a simple spell we rendered our physiologies similar to native creatures and, in so doing, avoided the faux pas of dying in the homes of our hosts."

"Oh." Blue threw up her hands. "Right. Great. No, it really is great, because that's a good quarter of sci-fi conflicts solved right there, because of course we have magic now! Whoop-dee-freakin'-do!"

Golden Harvest quirked an eyebrow. "I thought you were supposed to be the sane one."

"Well, yes, but... it's just hard, knowing that a lot of what I know isn't that important anymore." Blue sighed. "Okay, fine. So I guess... wait, but you were in stasis for a thousand years. Are you sure you're still safe to--"

"I aligned myself three days ago," Kikai assured her. "With one... Spike, I believe his name was. Quite an erudite individual, and his handler was very intelligent herself."

"Oh. Well. Alright then." Blue Oyster rubbed her forehead. "Right, where was I?"

"You were telling us that we got together to save the world," Raspberry Fluff offered.

"Right, right right. Anyway!" She turned and gestured at five mannequins behind her. "After some discussion with the Aztlan institute and a few purchases of my own from a few Company of D.R.E.A.M.S. subsidiaries, I've managed to wrangle together a basic outfit kit for each of us."

Ditzy tilted her head. "Those are Crossworlds Guardian Emergency Worker Uniforms, aren't they?"

"Yes. Well, mostly. You and Summer--"

"Raindrops!" the green-haired girl said. "I prefer Raindrops!"

"...Raindrops," Blue corrected, "need your neck fluff exposed to fly, and Razz probably should have her gem exposed if she's flinging fire around willy nilly. So I ditched the helmets and rigged together something different." She tapped a tiara resting on one of the mannequin's heads. "This is a micro-radio, complete with earbuds, that will let us remain in contact if we are anywhere within... three, four miles of each other. They are not aerodynamic, so there's not going to be any Lunar Tiara Action."

Ditzy pouted.

"Most of the rest of the suit is intact," she continued. "The undersuit will protect against environmental factors such as fire and acid, the boots have built in micro-jets that allow for impressive jumps and zero-grav maneuvering if needed, the torso armor has numerous shock absorbers so we can survive getting banged around a bit, and the greaves..." She took one of the manniquin's arms. "They're connected to a sort of magical pocket dimension--it can only store so much, but there's no weight on you, and you can recall items at any time. I've taken the liberty of loading all of these with some standard emergency equipment: Gas masks, first aid kits, emergency translocators, survival guides--"

"Question," Golden Harvest interrupted. "Are the colored collars and miniskirts just so we can look like Sailor Luna and her pals?"

"Actually no." Blue moved her hands up to the sailor collar. "The jewel on the chest is the outfit conversion module--you put your hand to it and say a keyphrase, you switch back to your civilian clothes. The ribbons serve as thaumatic dispersion units, keeping hostile magic from overwhelming the wearer. And the collar itself is woven with the Identity Derecognition Pattern."

"The what now?"

"...The stuff the Power Patriots wear, that psychologically disconnects the image of the wearer from other identities in the viewer's minds."

"Oh, I remember reading about that!" Razz proclaimed gleefully. "Like, there was a mental filter to keep us from noticing magic, then Sunset repurposed it to keep us from freaking out about magic, then after the Power Patriots were made she agreed to repurpose it again so they could keep their civilian identities safe from the general public!"

"She sure is getting a lot of mileage out of that spell," Ditzy commented.

"Of course she is. Our Divine Bacon Horse is very environmentally friendly."

Blue Oyster rolled her eyes. "Theological debates aside... we're going to be beating up aliens in miniskirts. Which means we're going to get attention. This is a preemptive measure to dissuade hordes of fans locating our homes."

"Speaking of which, what are the miniskirts actually for?"

"The miniskirts cover up the hideous-looking lower armor."

"Hey!" Ditzy cried. "It doesn't look that bad!"

Blue frowned. "It looks like a metal diaper."

"Okay, first of all, diapers are curvy and the armor's sort of boxy. Secondly, it has those..." Ditsy gestured. "Ringy... things. The sort of ring things that Sailor Luna has on her shoulders and gloves. Right?"

"So it looks like a space diaper. The point is it's embarrassing and the miniskirt covers it."

"It's a miniskirt," Raspberry noted. "Won't it flip up and--"

"There are magnets."

"...but--"

"Can we move on from the miniskirt please?"

Raspberry stuck out her tongue, but backed off.

Blue Oyster took a breath. "Now then. That's the general outfit. In addition, I've procured a couple of unique items for each of us, tailored to our specific strengths and potential positions." She opened a cloth bag. "First, Ditzy, you're the one that has the most combat experience. So you're our general fighter and coordinator. I am fully aware of the irony," she added, pulling out two rods and handing them over, "so no comments."

Ditzy took the proffered objects. "I recognize this, it's the purifier I... pointed at that Vaucoi."

"Yes, I figured if it worked once it should work again. Of course, you have to get in range to use it, and there's no guarantee--it only works on 'tainted' magic, and there's a lot of technobabble behind that, so you also have..." Blue trailed off.

"Yes?"

"I want to say I didn't name the thing, I just bought it."

"And spray painted it pink," Razz added.

Blue sighed. "Yes. And spray-painted it pink."

"Okay." Ditzy twirled the other rod. "So what is this?"

"It's called a Mystic Mace." Blue shrugged. "It's basically a mace, made with modern day technology, that can also generate magical pulses of energy for pushing back crowds."

"Huh. Explained the thick ball on the end."

"Yes. Now--"

"Hold on!" Raindrops interjected. "Does that make her Sailor Luna?"

Blue sighed. "For the last time, we can't use the Sailor Luna names because of copyright!"

"How about Sailor Orbital then?"

"Sailor O--Razz, did you talk to her before this meeting?"

Raspberry held up her hands with a grin. "Don't look at me. I guess great minds think alike."

"I don't mind being Sailor Orbital," Ditzy said.

"Well, you do orbit my fridge," Golden Harvest noted.

"Okay, you know what, that was only one time! And I paid for all the groceries to replace what I ate!"

"Although I cannot blame her," Kikai added. "Your cooking is incredibly good, miss Harvest. I've never been so absorbed in eating before."

"Yeah, seriously though." Raspberry looked Ditzy over. "How are you not a beluga by now? You eat so much--"

"It goes straight to her butt!" Raindrops cheered.

Ditzy flushed. "It--okay, so I've got some padding back there, but--look, I lead a very active lifestyle, okay?"

Blue rubbed her temples. "If you girls don't settle down and behave yourselves, I'm not going to show you what toys I got you."

Golden Harvest grabbed Raspberry and Raindrops by their shoulders, pushing them back into their chairs. "Let's leave the schoolyard teasing to the schoolyard."

"Thank you, Carrot Top. Actually, let's get to you next." Blue pulled out a set of thick gloves. "Now, you've been in a couple martial arts tournaments before, so I'm going to make you the brawler. You get in, kick high, punch hard."

Golden picked up the gloves. "I notice there are some sort of wires in these things."

"Yes, those are Tesla gloves. You curl them up as fists, they generate an electric charge--give your punches an extra something. And if you clap them together, that electricity is released in a bolt of lightning--just in case you need a ranged option."

Ditzy whistled low. "Wow. That's a lotta power right there."

"Yes, well. I think the electric punching is all she's going to need, but best to be prepared. Also!" Blue let out a strained grunt as she pulled something long and heavy from the bag. "Got you, unf, this thing."

Golden took the object and looked it over. "...A sledgehammer?"

"Extra large. In case we need a wall smashed in or something."

"Hmm." The girl tested the heft. "Yeah, I can live with this."

"I'm calling you Sailor Plasma," Raindrops announced. "Because plasma and electricity are the same thing!"

Blue winced. "They're... not. They're really not."

"Me next!" Raspberry demanded. "What'cha get me, bestest friend ever?"

She gave her a flat look. "You're going to be flinging around fireballs. Do you really want more?"

"...Kinda?"

"Ugh. Fine. I made you this." Blue tossed her what looked like a ticker-tape dispenser with a handle on it.

"Hand-crafted, niiiiice! What's it do?"

"You know how you're enchanting those strips of paper to help us out? That thing lets you launch it a whiles away. Couple that with your pyrokinesis, and you're going to be our crowd control and sniper. Oh, that reminds me." She reached into the bag and handed her something else. "Scoping eye protection, lets you see long distances and through smoke or fog."

"So, magic sunglasses."

"...yes, fine. Magic sunglasses."

"¡Excelente!"

"Shadowjack's not canon," Ditzy singsonged.

"Hush, aguafiestas. Sailor Meteor's ready to go."

"Ooo! Ooo!" Raindrops leaned on the table. "What'd you get me?!"

"Well, I don't know much about you, but I hear from Ditzy that you're quite the acrobat." Blue shrugged, putting a couple of items on the table. "And if we're going with a theme anyway... you get the Magical Resonance Chain, which you can use to grapple things, and the Flaring Projection System, for shock and awe purposes. Your main job, though, is to get any civilians caught up in whatever mess is going on... out of the mess. You got that?"

"Yes ma'am! Sailor Photon is ready to go!"

Ditzy grinned. "So, what about you, Blue? Does Sailor Comet have anything special?"

"Sailor Comet. Why am I sailor Comet?"

"Probably the same reason I'm Sailor Plasma," Golden Harvest pointed out. "If we have magic secret identity collars, we need code names, right?"

"...Fair point. Okay, fine." Blue Oyster pulled two final items from the bag. "I'm going to be playing support and tactical analyzer, mostly. I've got my variable output ice sprayer, which lets me go anywhere from fog through icicles to, in theory, freezing things solid. And on top of that I've got my Virtual Analysis Visor, which... is essentially Gillion Glasses, but on their own separate network and with some more... tactical stuff. It's really complicated."

"Well, looks like we've all got cool gadgets to use," Ditzy quipped.

"So... now what?" Raindrops asked.

Blue Oyster steeled herself. "Now, we gather our new devices, practice with them, and be ready to go whenever we hear about an alien incursion."

Raspberry raised a hand. "Yeah, question? How are we going to hear about these aliens?"

Blue froze. "...I have no idea."

Author's Note

"Well, don't look at me! I'm just a weirdness magnet, I don't know how to actually FIND strange events!"

"I must confess my own lack of knowledge toward tracing the Gates.

"So we're prepared to go, but have no idea where? I did all that work for nothing?!"

"I'm sure we'll figure this out in the next chapter, Blue..."

Organization and Arguments! Compromises are Made.

"...Well." Kikai coughed into her paw. "Perhaps... we could ask Miss Doo's daughter?"

The assembled humans stared at her.

"She did say she can't tell us anything we couldn't find out in three hours," Blue mused.

"Hold on." Golden Harvest put her hands on the table. "Ditzy, when did you have a kid?!"

"Hopefully five or more years in the future."

"...she's a time traveler, isn't she."

"Eeeeyup."

Golden sat back down. "Well, alright, that's better."

Ditzy frowned. "You really think I'd just stick myself out there and get--"

"No, no. But it's always the ones you least expect, right?"

"That's because nobody ever expects it," Raindrops pointed out. "Social normative engineering and programming. An open mind can anticipate much more than a closed one."

Blue Oyster blinked at her. "...Huh. Yes, that's... right..."

"Bringing us back to the subject at hand," Kikai interjected, "assuming that she does have some form of future knowledge, young miss Doo could in theory alert us to events as... they happen, I believe. With that information, we could properly organize our search for the Gates."

"Two issues I have with that," Ditzy said. "One, the whole 'using my daughter as an oracle' thing--it's logical, but it also makes her a target if the Vaucoi or anybody else wants to stop us."

"She's not your daughter yet," Raspberry pointed out.

Ditzy frowned. "I'm still responsible for her."

"Touché."

"We can probably just set up something where she anonymously alerts us via smartphone," Blue pointed out.

"I can code an app for that," Raindrops added.

"...You can code?"

"Yep!" The yellow-skinned girl beamed. "Took a course. It was cool."

Blue Oyster looked at her speculatively. "I may ask for your help on some things in the future."

"No promises."

Golden Harvest cleared her throat. "What was the other problem you had, Ditzy?"

"The idea that Kikai would be coming with us."

For a moment, silence pervaded the room.

"...Excuse me?" the feline alien asked, only a hint of aggression in her polite tone.

"Look, we're going to be going into what I assume are going to be combat scenarios. I trust Golden can handle herself with her martial arts training, Raindrops I know can keep a cool head in dangerous situations, and I've seen how Blue and Razz did during that whole angst monster thing a few months ago."

"Honestly, I was panicking," Blue admitted.

"Yes, but you directed that panic. You used that energy to focus your attention and your efforts on fighting the angst monsters and organizing a way out for everyone caught up in it. Believe me, that's... pretty much what you need." She turned to Raspberry. "And you, you were... well, a bit wild and spastic, but at least you did what that girl with the scythe told you to do."

"She's our pope for a reason," Raspeberry Fluff acknowledged. "I trusted her."

Blue snorted. "Ruby Rose is sixteen."

"Close to the age of the Glorious Proclaimer, so she can understand the totality of Her words!"

"She literally got the position because she was the first to ask!"

"A display of faith and confidence that the Divine Bacon Horse found pure!"

"The girl was flying around with a scythe twice as big as her that was somehow also a gun! WHY THE HECK DO YOU TRUST HER?!"

"Carnifex Maxima Pope Ruby the first has yet to lead us astray in our service of the Wellspring of Magic and Sanity." She held up a finger. "That said, I'm not sure about her position on corsets versus bras. A matter of personal preference, but--"

"MY POINT," Ditzy said firmly, "is that when danger comes around, we can all handle ourselves. You, Kikai..." She sighed. "Back when I met you, the Vaucoi picked you up and you reacted with terror. I don't think you're ready for a real fight, and to be honest..."

The gray girl sat down. "...you're a millennia out of your depth. You've lost everyone you ever knew, and everything about the world you've learned might have changed. You've been acting like this is all normal for you, but... I wouldn't be able to recover so easily, and I don't think you have either. Piling this on top of what you're going through--the dangers of fighting Vaucoi and, perhaps, finding something you recognize destroyed... We can't afford you having a panic attack or getting lost in memories while everything is going on. And... quite frankly, I don't want you to go through that."

Kikai No Kawa stared at her.

"You... have thought this through, haven't you?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, if you want to help there's going to be a lot of paperwork and I don't have any idea how to handle that sort of stuff at all, and we'll let you examine the Gates when we're sure they're secure, but... until you get some sort of actual combat training, you're on the sidelines."

The feline alien looked down at her paws. "But... you're civilians too, aren't you?"

"We're not military," Blue Oyster allowed. "But if we apply as a Power Patriot subdivision we'll be... a special ops rescuer branch I think...? The legalese is complicated, but essentially it boils down to 'We don't think you'll die, but you will face danger and you will get hurt.' Which... Like Ditzy said. We've all been there."

Raspberry patted her head. "Don't worry, gatito, we're not saying you're not important. Heck, it's because you're important that we want you out of it. You're the one that knows what we're looking for."

"Yeah!" Raindrops shouted. "Command from the rear! You let us know what's going on and we can handle it!"

"You did come up with the oracle kid idea," Golden Harvest pointed out. "And like Ditzy said, handling the paperwork will be important too. Heck, you're... a trader, right? You probably have a better idea on how to work the overhead costs then any of us."

"It's official then." Ditzy nodded firmly. "Kikai No Kawa, I ask that you serve as the logistics officer of the..." She tapped her chin for a moment. "Of the Crossworlds Guardian Sailor Senshi Task Force!"

Raspberry frowned. "The CGSSTF?"

Golden shrugged. "They can't all be backronyms."

"What do you say, Kikai?" Ditzy held out a hand. "Are you up to the task?"

The feline alien glanced around at the assembled teenagers. "I am intelligent enough to know a diversionary tactic when I see one. I can see you are trying to sugarcoat your rejection, and provide me a secondary reward as compensation. I know that you are doing this, not due to my competence, but due to your own concerns about my mental health."

"...Is it working?"

Kikai managed a small smile. "More than you know, miss Doo." She took the hand in her paw. "Get me a desk, I will work the numbers."

"Oh, thank science," Blue said, sagging. "That's one horrifying mess I don't have to deal with."

"...What about 'Crossworlds Access Gate Enforcers'?" Raindrops suggested suddenly.

"That spells CAGE," Raspberry pointed out. "That's kind of the opposite of what we're doing. Also it sounds evil."

Golden Harvest sighed. "Really, are we really--really debating over this? Ditzy, can you--"

"I have to make a call." Ditzy pulled out her phone. "You and Blue can keep them from going off the rails--it's a team-building exercise!"

"What?!" Blue cried.

"No, hmm." Raspberry Fluff tapped her chin. "What about... what if we started with G for Gate?"

"There was the Gate Operations and Logistics Department," Kikai noted with some amusement. "It was not a paronomasia in the Munarin language, but if my wranglish is correct--"

Ditzy held the phone to her ear. "Hey mom! How are things at home?"

"But that implies that we're going to be running the Gates," Raindrops pointed out. "I think we're going to be turning them over to, uh, NEISA or something, right?"

"True, but we're securing the gates..." Raspberry gasped. "I got it! Gate Location and Orientation Squad... uh... Darn, I can't think of the rest of GLOSTICK."

"Oh, that's interesting. Say, speaking of Dinky, can you put her on the line, please?"

"Okay, if we're going to be taking this seriously, how about the Interstellar Engagement Technology Enforcement and Naturalization Team?" Blue offered.

"INTENT? Intent on what?" Golden Harvest threw up her hands. "I'm still fine with CGSSTF."

"Well, she's my daughter. Will be--the point is, I just want to... you know? Talk to her."

"Crossworlds... Gate... Interstellar... Secure..." Raindrops gasped. "The Senshi Temporal and Alien Railway Security Squad! STARS Squad... no, that's a bunch of nonsense words."

"You're onto something there, though..." Raspberry pulled out a paper. "Gate Acquisition, Location, Analysis, and eXtraterrestrial Y-something or other! What's a good Y, what's a good Y..."

"Alright." Ditzy was quiet for a couple of seconds. And then: "Hey! Dinky! What's going on with you?"

"You could say Enforcers," Golden offered with resignation. "GALAX-E."

"Yeah!" Raindrops nodded fiercely. "The GALAX-E girls! WOO!"

Blue nodded reluctantly. "That's... not a bad name, I suppose."

"Well, yes, I did call to offer you a job! You know the group me and some of the girls are forming?"

"So, GALAX-E girls." Golden stood. "We're all good on that?"

"Yeah," Raspberry said. "It fits."

"...Yes, that is exactly what I--what? Well, I mean--Well, yes, but... hold on." Ditzy covered the phone's mike. "Hey Kikai? Dinky's asking for a salary."

"Two hundred dollars per prediction, with possible negotiations for increase at a later date."

"Huh. Okay." Ditzy pulled her hand off her phone. "So, Dinky, two hundred a pop? Sound good? Okay, yeah. Uh, love you... well, sure, but I will at some point right? Right. Anyway, see you later."

She shut off the phone. "Well, I just..."

She blinked.

She giggled. And the giggle didn't stop. It morphed into a chuckle, then a guffaw, and finally a stream of constant laughter poured out of her mouth as she sagged into a chair.

"Um." Raindrops pointed at Ditzy. "Is she broken?"

That only got more laughter, the grey teenager slapping a knee as she stared skyward.

"Well, she reacted..." Blue Oyster mused. "Hey, Ditzy? What's so funny?"

"I, hahaha, I just! I just promised my, heee, my daughter, who I haven't had yet, two hundred dollars to, to predict, hahahaha, to predict alien invasions so that we, we can, heh, dress up in miniskirts, and, and, hahahaha, fight them, to get, heeeeheehahaha, magical cat portals! Hahahahahahaahaaaaaa! Oh my tree, oh... oh harmony, that! That is just..." She held up a hand. "I'm good, I'm good, it's just, the whole ridiculousness of the situation, it all hit me, right at once."

"I... thought you said you could roll with the weirdness."

"Don't worry, Razz, I'm good! This is fine! I just needed to let out a laugh." Ditzy pulled herself together and stood. "Right. Now, we should get some training in with our new gear, and get Kikai settled behind... whatever desk we need. So! That's what we're going to do over the next week or two. Settle in, girls, this is going to be a bumpy ride!"

Author's Note

"Yeah, GALAX-E girls rule!"

"Yep. It sounds quite appropriate, actually."

"Mmmhmm."

"...I wonder why?"

"I don't know. Something something metajoke?"

Influence and Semantics! The First Team Encounter.

"Well, this has been an exciting two weeks!" Ditzy proclaimed.

"Nothing's happened," Raspberry Fluff groaned, lifting her head. "Except YOU running us through some crazy obstacle course and drilling us all like, like soldiers or something!"

"Not soldiers. Special ops." Ditzy twirled her mace. "If you were soldiers, I'd be trying to break you down and rebuild you from the ground up. What I'm doing instead is improving your strengths and getting you to know your weaknesses."

"Yeah, well... 'unexpected faces...'" The pink girl slumped back onto the ground. "I get that nothing comes free, but is it too much for us to actually fight aliens?!"

"While I do not agree to the reasoning behind the complaint of Sailor Meteor, I feel I must register a similar issue." Kikai trotted up to the group, absently adjusting the glasses she wore as she peered at the numbers running across the lenses. "The use of Bacon Academy facilities and training is contingent on you utilizing the learning you gained here for the purpose of deescalation of dangerous situations. While the owners and directors are sympathetic to our lack of knowledge of our proposed foe, there has yet to be any application of this training to a real world scenario, and we are therefore a... time sink, I believe is the term." She looked around at the groaning girls. "I have been unwilling to bring it up, as you have been training intensely and loyally, but despite our proposed specialization I am not against utilizing this team for more mundane issues. A fire rescue, perhaps. Maybe dealing with one of the angst monster outbreaks, which are apparently somewhat regular occurrences for reasons I cannot fathom. Or stopping armed robbery, I believe a number of the original Power Patriots entered the field with that on their resume."

"Yeah, Ditzy--"

"Ah-ah-ah." Ditzy held up a finger. "You know the rule. In the tiara, I'm Sailor Orbital."

"Fine." Golden rolled her eyes, resting against her sledgehammer for support. "Orbital. We need to get out there. Remind ourselves why we're doing this. Balance in all things and all that..."

Blue Oyster landed next to them, panting. "Okay, that... obstacle course... is brutal." She peered at the rest of them. "...Is... is Kikai wearing glasses?"

"Ah, yes." Kikai smiled. "I was visiting the home of miss Sparkle to discuss some matters with Spike, and she noticed me carrying around a rather large amount of paperwork, and one thing led to another--"

"I thought... I thought Twilight was the sane one."

"She's the mad scientist," Ditzy reprimanded.

"Oh. Yeah. Applejack's the sane one..." Blue fell on her face. "Ooooooooooooooooh my legs. Oh my legs."

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Raindrops twirled and pirouetted, finally landing in a perfect split. "That was SO! MUCH! FUN! Can I do it again?"

Ditzy glanced at the others. "Maybe in ten minutes. We were just discussing whether we should increase the scope of our mandate."

"Oh, you mean actually do something besides wait for alien attacks? I'd be up for that. We're on the Power Patriot call list thing, right?"

"Well, yes and no." Kikai tapped her glasses. "We are on the quick contact list, but due to lack of experience and you opting not to assign yourself a patrolled territory, we only get called in for regional incidents of class C or class D. Of course, if we sought out incidents on our own initiative or filed for a patrol, we would not need to wait for--"

Ditzy blinked as she heard a buzzing sound. "Hold on, somebody's calling me." She put a finger to her ear. "Hello, you've reached the line for Bubble Airlines--Float Free or Burst!"

"Cute mom. Real cute."

"I thought so. What's up, Dinky?"

"Five seven six on Trottersplit street. You owe me two hundred."

Ditzy's eyes went wide. "You mean--?"

"Yeah, oracle kid's giving you a mission!"

"Can I just say, you have impeccable timing."

"Kind of comes with being a time traveler."

"Also you're a bit too snarky for your own good."

"Again: Time traveler."

"Well, you know... are you doing alright? Is everything--"

"Yes, it's all fine Mom! Gosh, you're too busy in the future, and worry too much in the past..."

"It's my job to worry!"

"No, it's your job to beat up aliens! You only get to worry about me after I'm born!"

"Can't I at least practice?"

"....I mean... I guess... But not right now. Aliens, remember?"

"Oh. Right. Um.... Love you."

"No you don't."

"But I will, right?"

"Yeah... you're right. Fine. Love you too. Bye."

Ditzy tapped her ear, turning to the others. "Well, guess what?"

"We got our first mission," Blue Oyster deadpanned.

"Yep! It's at--"

"Five seven six Trottersplit," Golden Harvest confirmed, heading for the door. "I'm driving."

Ditzy frowned. "How did you...?"

"Your wireless is way close to your tiara mike," Raspberry Fluff explained. "We heard everything."

"...oh."

Raindrops helped Blue to her feet, giving Ditzy a curious look. "Yeah, what was that bit about you not loving her?"

"Oh, that. Dinky's somehow got it in her head that since she hasn't been born yet, she's not my daughter, ergo I can't actually love her like a daughter." Ditzy rubbed the back of her head. "It's actually a little worrying, but I can't seem to convince her otherwise... gosh, I'm going to be a terrible mother."

"I dunno," Raindrops mused. "I mean, you will send her to an era where you have the time and resources to care for her, as well as gave her a way to feel useful whilst bonding with you. It's unusual, but the sacrifice of time speaks of a level of trust you will have in yourself."

"Huh. You sure?"

"Pretty sure."

"Yeah, this is heartwarming and all," Raspberry drawled, "but I think Sailor Plasma's waiting out by the car?"

"Should I come along as well?" Kikai asked. "I mean, to identify all the Munarin technology."

Ditzy sighed. "Alright, but you're staying in the car until we call for you."

"I suppose I cannot object to that." She hopped into Raindrops' waiting arms as the four girls walked out to the parking lot, converging on the beaten-up van Golden Harvest was currently starting up.

"I call shotgun!" Raspberry Fluff shouted as she rushed forward--only to jerk to a sudden stop as Ditzy grabbed her collar. "Ow! Hey!"

"As the leader, I need full and instant view of the situation we're going into in order to determine our course of action. Hence, I get shotgun."

"...Aguafiestas."

"Also, that word is way too long for the role you're trying to go for." Ditzy walked past her, clambering into the front seat. "Try Tonto."

"Tonto was used in the Lonely Ranger! People will get confused!"

"You could go with cabron," Blue suggested, sliding into the van's back.

"Or imbécil," Raindrops added, slipping in next to her.

"Or you could not use your secondary language to insult your leader to her face," Kikai proposed as Raspberry sat down, shutting the door behind her.

"Well, yes, but then I'd lose the whole charm, you know?"

"There's nothing charming about it," Golden Harvest deadpanned as she backed out of the parking space. "It's a cliche and a stereotype from a bygone age. Everyone buckled?"

Ditzy glanced behind her. "Everyone but Kikai."

"She can stay in Photon's lap."

Raspberry Fluff chuckled. "Ladies and gentlemen, behold the Sailor Senshi! Obeying traffic safety laws."

"Hey, we're supposed to be role models," Raindrops chided her.

"No, we're supposed to be heroes."

"That's different how?"

"Simple: We make the world less dangerous. Role models are a kind of hero, we're just the kind that beats up bad guys."

"We're not beating up bad guys," Blue pointed out. "Not as our mission goal. Our mission goal is to retrieve lost technology so bad guys can't get at it."

"But the bad guys have to get at it for us to find where it is, and we have to get through them to get at it. Ergo: We beat up bad guys. Ergo we are heroes."

"No," Ditzy corrected, "that just makes us warriors and/or soldiers. If we save people from the bad guys or keep the bad guys from hurting people, that makes us heroes. Of course this assumes the bad guys are, intrinsically, harmful to people and/or to the world."

Golden Harvest rolled her eyes. "Are we seriously discussing the semantic distinctions of heroism? Shouldn't we, I don't know, be planning for whatever is at our destination?"

"Good point. Does anyone know what's at five seven six Trottersplit?"

"According to gillion, it's... a hairstylist place," Blue reported, tapping her glasses. "A pretty well-reviewed one, too."

Raspberry rolled her eyes. "Oh, what would you know about haircare?"

"What, you think these curls are natural?"

"...I did right up until you said that..." Raspberry gave Blue a look. "I mean... just... wow."

"So we can expect plenty of people and sharp objects, but I don't think it's likely that shampoos and stuff can be used as chemical warfare. Unless it gets in our eyes." Ditzy pounded her fist into her hand. "Our first task will be to clear out the civilians and isolate the alien."

"...I have just realized something," Kikai said, awkwardly. "It is... entirely possible that the Vaucoi could have absorbed enough human magic to resonate their physical form in such a way as to be visually identical to that of a human."

There was an awkward pause.

"So our enemy can disguise themselves," Golden Harvest deadpanned. "And you didn't bring this up earlier because...?"

"Well, I... quite honestly, I am still dealing with the concept of humans having intrinsic magical capabilities. Your species always seemed to require tools or training before I went into stasis."

"Riiiiiight. So we'll need a way to identify the alien, and/or sneak past them to find the Gate opening. Which might not even be there if they're smart enough to keep it closed until they need it." Ditzy rapped her hands on the armrest. "Well, it looks like we're going to need a decoy."

Raspberry covered her nose. "Not it!"

"I'll do it," Raindrops offered. "Gets me in position for a quick suit up if the civvies get in danger."

"Does anyone actually say civvie?" Golden wondered idly.

Blue Oyster frowned. "If you transform, I can't guarantee the dercognition pattern will affect anyone in sight. It's meant to work on separate identities, not during suit-up."

"Oh, I'll just shift my chromelanin first then."

There was another awkward pause.

Ditzy turned around in her chair. "Hold on, you're part of the Wholesome?"

"Yep!"

"I thought they only took legal adults!"

Raindrops shrugged. "I was held back a couple of years."

"We've known each other since kindergarten!"

"Like I said, I was held back a couple of years."

Blue Oyster shifted slightly away from Summer Raindrops.

"...So if I've got this straight, we've got a Wholesome member, an atheist, and a devoted worshiper of the Divine Bacon Horse." With a sigh Ditzy leaned back into the chair. "Are Carrot Top and I the only harmonists on the team?"

Golden snorted. "I'm actually Hinnyest. Converted two years ago."

"Oh. Sorry, my bad."

"Nah, it's okay. Harmonism is nice and all, but it just wasn't doing much for me."

"Yeah, that's how it was like with me too!" Raindrops cried gleefully. "Oh gosh, joining the Wholesome was the hardest, and the best, decision I ever made!"

"And this is why I don't put my faith into abstractions," Blue deadpanned. "Reality is not nearly as clean-cut as religion makes it out to be."

"Our Glorious Bacon Horse is not an abstraction!" Raspberry proclaimed.

"Well, if we're all discussing religion," Ditzy said blandly, "what about you, Kikai? You have any faith?"

"...I consider myself to be a follower of Myerminrowlis. Roughly translated, that means 'The Glorious Heartbeat Of The Stars...'"

Lost Gates and Girls! Arrival of the Unknown.

Ditzy Doo had never been an ordinary girl. Even before Sunset Shimmer arrived, she'd obtained a bit of a reputation around Canterlot High--Derpy Feet, clumsiest thing in a skirt, the odd-eyed beauty... basically, people had given her a wide berth whenever she entered, and it had only gotten worse during Sunset's reign of terror. It wasn't all bad; she was a decent student, had a few good friends, a heart bursting with a love for all things living, and an odd ability to find things long thought lost.

It turned out that particular ability had been related to her klutziness. Ditzy could see beyond the usual three-and-a-half dimensions that her classmates swam through, and balanced with sea legs unnecessary in normal eweclidean geometry. Sunset's big universe whammy had given her the ability to fly, although not before throwing her out of reality and sending her bouncing across a few dozen versions of Equestria. The strangeness hadn't ended when she arrived back home either; she'd been interned by a multiversal maintenance squad, met herself in multiple alternate universes, and just recently been appointed babysitter to her own future daughter.

Who, it turned out, could unconsciously increase the potency of magical abilities, like her ability to stumble through wormholes.

Which was why Ditzy was now fumbling in total darkness, trying her best to keep from tripping and possibly falling into another world.

"Okay, future reference: flashlight at all times. No, minilamp. Sphere, not cone." Wiping what felt like a cobweb off her brow, she reached out wide and far. "Rock. Rock. Ow! Sharp rock, yay. Rock... Not rock."

Ditzy ran her palm slowly up the surface of her new discovery. "Smooth... cool. Wait, here's a seam! Okay, are you plastic or metal?" She rapped her knuckles on the object. "Hmm. Feels metal... What is this thing? And... there's this round bit on the top--"

A sudden flicker made her pull her hand back with a yelp, yet even in that brief flash there was enough time to catch the outline of the object; a translucent sphere, held atop a post with strange writing. The band of light around the post snapped out mere seconds after she pulled away.

Ditzy took a breath. "So my options are to keep wandering about in the dark, and hope I find a way home, or poke this thing again and hope it doesn't kill me." She readied herself. "Well, it' s not like my life is weird enough, now is it?"

Carefully, she reached out again. The circle of light snapped on as soon as her hand brushed against it, allowing her to observe the object more carefully. The post was made of metal and lined with strange runes, all humming to life as the band of light atop it brightened, while the sphere's surface spiraled with odd fractal patterns, not unlike a living gemstone. Ditzy could faintly make out something within, an odd shape floating in a fluid that could have been liquid or gas, but the surface of the sphere made it hard to discern any detail.

The light also cast some clues as to her location--a domelike chamber, rocks and stalactites indicating it to be at least partially natural. What wasn't natural was the large metal ring lying on the ground, dominating the space as various other symbols began to flash to life. Five other posts, two with spheres of their own, flickered to life; the water resting in the ring began to vibrate as the constant thrum of power grew and reverberated against the wall.

An odd chime was Ditzy's only warning before the sphere in front of her suddenly vanished, the smokey goop withing blasting into her face. She flailed back with a sputter, trying to keep it from going in her mouth and pawing at her face. "Oh, god, ick! What is this?!"

"うーん、何...ああ！ついに！"

Blinking the last of the slime out of her eyes, Ditzy looked about in an attempt to find the source of the sound. The only thing that seemed different was the creature now standing on the post. At first glance, it looked like a cat--a blue cat, with a golden anchor-shaped pattern on its face and matching patches on its ears and belly. There were a few oddities, though, like only having three digits on each paw, or the red gem nestled into its forehead, or the fact that it seemed to be bowing to her.

"私の閉じ込め若いミスから私を解放していただきありがとうございます！"

And it talked. In neighponese.

The cat's brown eyes met her golden ones. "...若いミス？"

Ditzy sighed. "Great. A talking cat. A talking neighponese cat!" She threw up her hands. "Sub versus dub, neither taught me the language!"

"何を言っているのかわかりません。何時から?"

"I don't even know what's going on in my life anymore," the teen grumbled, pacing around the chamber in frustration. "I just wanted to get through school, maybe win some HPtGT tournaments, and get a job traveling or something. Now I don't even know if heading downstairs will send me into another reality..."

The cat tilted its head. "まあ。私の記憶はややむらのようです。何が起こりましたの？" After a moment, it blinked and hopped over to one of the other spheres.

"I mean, yeah, it's exciting and all, the ETSAB pays well for an internship... guh." Ditzy pulled her hand down her face. "It's just a little tiring to be thrown these surprises all the time. Can I at least get weekends off?"

It seemed like the cat was ignoring her, focusing as it was on the sphere beneath its paws. "まず最初の最初は。私は...はい、私は...私はここで何かを知っているはずです" The gem on its forehead glowed, its eyes twitching as though reading through a manual.

"Okay. Pull it together, Ditzy." The teen took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "You're just a little overwhelmed, that's all. Talking cat, that's fun, Spike will have a friend now!" She let out a small giggle. "Oh geeze. First Dinky, now a talking cat. And I'm wearing a miniskirt... Did I just get dropped into a Sailor Luna story mid-season?"

Suddenly, the cat smiled. "なるほど！そこに私達は行く。若いミスを..."

Something flashed into existence in its paws. Ditzy, blinking away from the light, slipped in a small puddle and landed on her rump. "OW! Ow. What the heck?"

"じゃあ、下手ですね？しょうがない."

She looked up, scrambling back as she belatedly noticing the feline pointing some sort of wand at her. "Whoa, hold on there! Can't we talk about this or--?"

"まだ下さいホールド。これが唯一の瞬間を取る必要があります！"

The wand flashed to life, a beam of light shooting into Ditzy's forehead. She felt something sink into her mind, flexing like an octopus in cool waters. The sensation congealed quickly, swinging out as another beam went from her head to the feline's; something tugged at her, like a rope being drawn taut in her thoughts. The two beams vanished as quickly as they had come, but even though it had only taken three seconds, Ditzy doubted she would ever forget the sensation.

"Hmm. Hmm! Ah... hmm." The cat tilted its head. "Well, this... this is an interesting language, is it not?"

Ditzy frowned. "What."

"Ah! My apologies. Let us begin again." The cat bowed to her. "Thank you, young miss, for freeing me from--"

"You just pointed a wand at me and sank something into my mind," Ditzy deadpanned. "Do you even know how that feels?!"

"...Yes, actually. I've learned a number of languages this way."

"...Oh." Ditzy coughed, standing and dusting herself off. "Well... A little warning next time, okay?"

"Very well. As I was saying, I would like to thank you for--"

"So what is this place?" the teenager asked. "I mean, we've got what I assume are storage lockers, but this big ring in the middle I can't really figure out."

"That," the feline said with forced calm, "is a Gate. It can take us to worlds where strange and wondrous creatures roam, where incredible devices beyond your imagining rest, where even the very sky seems different from--"

"Been there, done that."

The feline blinked. "You have... developed interplanetary bridges?"

Ditzy blinked back. "Wait, you were talking about space travel?"

The two of them stared at each other for a few seconds.

"...You know what?" Ditzy said. "Let's start over. Hi, I'm Ditzy Doo." She held out a hand.

The cat looked at it oddly for a moment, before extending its own paw. "Hello. I am Kikai No Kawa."

Ditzy took the paw and shook it gently. "Nice to meet you, Kikai. Now, I'm pretty sure we each have questions for the other, but right now I'd like to find a way out of here so I could get home. Do you have any idea how we can do that?"

"Well," Kikai offered, "the Gate could be reoriented for the surface. I would have to activate it first, and it would open to the last known orientation, but I doubt that would cause any trouble."

"Hold on. I don't know how long this gate's been closed, but I'm pretty sure it's long enough that things have changed on the other side."

"I wouldn't worry that much. The Vaucoi were always fair and decent folk... though, yes, I suppose things on the other side might have fallen out of their control." Kikai hopped across the posts to the other remaining sphere. "Some precautions should be taken."

Ditzy walked over, peering into the murky sphere. "So... how does these things work, anyway?"

"Oh, these are extensions of our gate technology, operating to create magically sealed pockets where we can store things like... this!" A disc-shaped object flashed into the feline's paws, who handed it over. "Press this to your chest and say 'Crossworlds Guardian Emergency Activation.'"

"...What, will I transform into a super-hero or something?"

"No, but you will be outfitted with a Crossworlds Guardian Emergency Worker Uniform. That should protect you from... radiation?" Kikai flicked an ear. "Interesting, you do have a word for it now. What exactly happened while I was asleep?"

"That's a long story. We can go into it later." Ditzy examined the odd disc, noting the jewel in its center and the runes along the edge. "...Well, here goes nothing. Crossworlds Guardian Emergency Activation!"

The gem flashed to life, ribbons of light extending from the disc and wrapping around her. They went over the shoulders, around her chest, between her legs--that was an odd sensation--and tangling around her neck and limbs. Ditzy's clothes glowed suddenly, and she gave a little yelp when they suddenly vanished, instantly replaced by a skin-tight white jumpsuit with odd lines going down her arms and legs. Shapes began to glow around her waist and torso, solidifying into strange plastic armor with rings round the hips and shoulders; the same thing happened around her forearms and calves, giving her futuristic-looking vambraces and boots. The light enveloped her head momentarily, receding to reveal a strange helmet around her head.

Ditzy blinked for a few seconds, before realizing the transformation had finished. "Did... did my skirt just disintegrate?!"

"Hardly." Kikai's voice came through the helmet, and she turned to see the feline dressed in a quadrupedal version of the same suit. "The clothing disk has simply stored it into its own pocket and replaced it with the uniform it already had stored."

"...Oh."

"I would have thought that would have been obvious," the cat continued. "It is a simple modification of interstellar bridge travel--in point of fact, we Munarin developed this form of magic first, with the bridges coming afterward."

"Yeah, we're still at the rocket stage of space travel. Although there have been teleportation experiments..."

Kikai stared at her. "But... you said you had--"

"It's a very long story, and you probably won't believe it until we get out." Ditzy waved at the Gate. "So... if you would?"

"Ah, yes of course." The feline hopped over to the ring, tapping a panel on its foreleg and somehow summoning a small rod from thin air.

The teenager blinked at that, looking at her own gloved hands. There was a circle in each palm and... yes, the vambraces had very basic screens built into them. She flicked a finger over one, raising a brow as images scrolled past; her eyes widened with the picture of what looked like a wand with a crescent shape on one end came into view.

Ditzy glanced up at Kikai, who was still dragging the rod around the circle. With a hidden grin, she tapped the picture--the circle in her palm flashed to life, and the crescent wand thing materialized in her grip. "Huh. This is actually pretty neat."

"Hmm?" Kikai glanced up. "Ah! A magical purifier, that is fortunate. I do not think there will be any foul taint, but I suppose one can never be too careful."

"A purifier? Really?" Ditzy giggled. "Lunar Purification Escalation!"

"...What?"

"Sorry, I'm being silly." She twirled the thing around in her hand. "Wow. I really am turning into Moon Bunny. All that's missing now is the miniskirt and the energy-draining monster."

Kikai gave her an odd look. "I do not think you have to worry about that. Ah!" The rod started glowing in the feline's paws. "There we go. The Gate is opening, and we shall be on our way as soon as I--"

With a shimmer, the water in the ring fell away into an ominous purple glow. A splash and an angry screech were the only warning the two had before something very large jumped out of the ring.

Author's Note

"Hold on! Before we fight, I just want to point out something I noticed."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Kikai, you spoke... very differently than anyone I've heard in anime. What's up with that?"

"Well, I was in stasis for a while. And my memory was apparently scrambled for some reason... A little oddity is to be expected."

"Are you sure that it's not because the author isn't a native speaker and relied on help from other people and google translate?"

"That's the Doylist explanation, miss Doo. I am strictly Watsonian."