Touch the Sun

Chapters

Palpate tibus Solis
Teneat equum Solis
Fricabis Solis
Da Solis
Amplectere Solis
Concumbere cum sol
Filius Solis

Palpate tibus Solis

Author's Note

Written because I haven't done a proper Celestia smut story in a while AND because of this story. The reading is not required, but I'd recommend it. It might be second person but it's pretty fucking good.

As usual, thanks to Devil Cake for the editing. Thanks to Edit Anon as well.

Palpate tibus Solis

“Come on, come on! If you don’t hurry we’re going to be late, Jon!”

Twilight Sparkle was excited. Jon could see it in the way that she moved, the way that her wings fluttered against her sides and the way that her tail flicked from side-to-side as she walked. This wasn’t the excitement that she felt when discovering a new spell or teaching somepony the magic of friendship. No, this excitement was explosive, intense.

She could feel it from the tip of her snout to the end of her tail. It filled her lungs with each breath she took, made her feel light and happy and alive as she walked and talked and looked around.

Today was a very important day for Twilight “The Book Bomber” Sparkle. Today—harmony willing—she would change the world. Today, she could make an old mare very, very happy.

The person that would be her catalyst for this change, however, was not very happy. In fact, one might even say that he was quite upset about the whole situation.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Jon grumbled, trying to free his sleeve from the alicorn’s magical grasp and failing spectacularly as both him and the princess dodged and weaved through crowds of ponies. “There’s no need to run to the castle, Twi. We got plenty of time.”

“No we don’t,” Twilight replied, looking over her wither at him. “It takes twenty minutes to get to the castle from the train station. After that, it takes about eleven minutes to get to the princess’s room. And that’s not counting on the traffic that we can get caught up in if we’re not careful!”

She gave his sleeve another tug, causing him to stumble forward. He very nearly fell face-first into a very overweight stallion in a sky-blue business suit, but by some stroke of luck he managed to right himself just in the nick of time

“Now come on, lazy bones. Pony up and get those feet moving!”

The human gave her a withering glare before his gaze traveled up the city streets. At first, the roads were packed with ponies from the train station, but as Twilight took him through the city’s many alleys and back roads the crowds began to thin until they were very nearly empty except for a local or two.

Up above all of the old stone buildings, he could see Canterlot Castle looming over the grand, quiet, old, smokey city. It was massive, obscuring much of the sky above with its high walls and its towers that looked like they could touch the sun hanging high in the sky. It was a great thing to look at, and it made one feel small, as if they were looking at a piece of art that they would never truly understand.

Jon found himself dryly swallowing as he looked up at it.

“So, are you finally going to tell me why you dragged me all the way up here or what?” he asked as the purple princess continued to lead him through the cobblestone streets of the capital. “Because I have a very bad feeling I’m going to be sleeping with the fishes by the time that Princess Luna’s moon comes up.”

Twilight slowed her frantic pace to look back at him. “…Sleep with the fishes? Why in Equestria would you sleep with a fish?” she questioned.

Jon had to resist sighing, not quite managing it. “I mean that I’m worried that the princess is going to murder me and dump my body someplace where no one will find me.”

That nearly caused Twilight to fall over.

“The princess wouldn’t murder you!” she squawked, her eyes wide. “The princess would never hurt anypony!”

“Well, what am I supposed to think? You grabbed me out of bed, said that we were meeting the princess, and dragged me onto that train like some furry Gestapo!”

Twilight snorted. “Jon, now’s not the time to talk about candy,” she chastised. “The princess isn’t going to hurt you; she just wants to ask you for a… favor. Now come on, lets—”

Jon frowned. “A favor? What kind of favor would she need from someone like me?” he questioned.

Twilight stopped. “She, um, well… she needs help with something that she’s been working on for a very long time,” she said, her ears lying flat against her skull as she nervously looked everywhere but in his direction.

This caused the young man to frown. “But why me, though?” he prodded. “There’s got to be a load of other people that she can call on to—”

“She’s tried with other ponies, but it never works,” the bookworm interrupted as she ruffled her feathers. “So the two of us thought—” She sighed, trailing off. “Look, the princess will explain everything when we’re up at the castle, okay?”

Jon, still frowning, walked over to the little princess and squatted down. “Is someone going to whack me when I get up there?”

Twilight owlishly blinked, causing him to sigh in exasperation.

“Is someone going to kill me if I go up to the castle?”

“No!”

“Am I going to be castrated?”

“What?! No!”

“Are you going to perform some kind of weird experiment on me?”

“…No.”

“Am I going to be kidnapped and shipped off someplace?”

Twilight’s nose scrunched up. “Who in Luna’s name would want to kidnap you?”

Jon opened his mouth to to retort, hand raised, but slowly closed it. “…Shut up,” he said as he let his hand fall to his side, standing up and dusting himself off. “You’re the one that refuses to tell me what the hell we’re doing up here, so don’t get smart with me, missy.”

Twilight rolled her eyes at him, muttering something about ‘colts’ under her breath before turning to address him head on . “Will you stop being a little colt and let me take you to the castle now? We’re going to be late!”

Jon made a face, reaching down and pressing his pointer finger against the princess’s nose. Twilight’s body stiffened, her eyes crossing and her wings fully extending.

“Not telling me what’s going on is all well and good, but if I get murdered in that castle I’m going to haunt you for eternity,” he threatened, applying a little more pressure against Twilight’s snout. “And I’ll be the most annoying ghost that you’ll ever meet.

He then gave her snout a little flick, causing her to sneeze, before once again applying the pressure.

“I’ll put your books all out of order on your shelves, I’ll switch the sugar with salt in the morning when you’re drinking your coffee, and I swear to God above that I’ll stay at the edge of your bed when you’re about to sleep and watch you.”

After another moment or two, he relinquished his hold over Twilight, who promptly scurried away at a safe distance, a wary look in her eyes and her tail between her legs.

“I told you to stop doing that, you jerk,” she grumbled, rubbing her muzzle with a hoof.

The young man chuckled. “Oh, you love it, you big purple baby,” he replied, playfully sticking his tongue out at her.

A dozen blocks away, a train whistle let out its shrill cry.

~-~-~-~-~-~

The rest of the trip was spent in relative silence as the two jogged toward the heart of Equestria. It hadn’t been a short run, and by the end of it Jon was drenched in sweat and Twilight looked around ready to fall over, but they made it on time. Mindful of their state, however, Twilight had made the two stop just a block short of their destination to clean themselves up as best as they could.

Jon had complained but was staunchly ignored. With only a few quick spells, and Twilight fussing over her friend’s shirt, the two were ready and once again moving toward their destination.

The guards at the front gate had been expecting them and ushered them inside at record speed. One of the guards—who looked no different from any of his brothers—had led them through the labyrinth of halls and corridors.

Something seemed off about the castle. There wasn’t a single pony roaming the hall except their party. No sound whatsoever echoed off the thick stone walls. Every door that they passed was closed and every window only half-opened. Even the birds, which liked to fly around the support beams overhead and chirp at the castle’s visitors, were absent. Jon, though he thought it odd, did not dwell on it too much. Twilight seemed not to notice the distinct emptiness at all, or at the very least chose to ignore it.

Minutes passed by as they walked, the only sounds being that of their feet/hooves making contact with the stone floor and the metallic screech of armor plates rubbing against each other. Finally, after what felt like an hour of walking, the guard stopped in front of a seemingly normal wooden door, which looked exactly like the hundred others that they had walked past.

“The princess is expecting you here, my lady,” the stallion announced.

Both Jon and Twilight looked at the door, brows furrowed.

“…That doesn’t seem right. The princess told me to meet her in her chambers,” Twilight muttered.

“She doesn’t want to get my blood all over her carpet, I guess,” Jon muttered, only to get a nudge to the ribs for his efforts.

Twilight turned toward their guide, still unsure. “Sergeant Phalanx, are you sure that this is the right room?”

The guard nodded. “Yes ma’am. The princess ordered me to bring you to this room,” he said, nudging his head toward the door. “She was very specific.”

Both Jon and Twilight looked toward the door again, then back at each other. The alicorn smiled at him sheepishly while he eyed her in suspicion.

“…I’m sure it’s not—”

“This is a setup, isn’t it? I’m going to walk into that room and get hit in the back of the head with a baseball— umph!”

Twilight smiled nervously at the guard as she closed Jon’s mouth with a spell. “Thank you very much for showing us the way, Sergeant,” she said politely, bowing her head. “The two of us will take it from here.”

Eyeing the human for a moment—an eyebrow raised, though his expression was as solemn as ever—the guard turned toward the purple princess and smartly saluted. “You’re very welcome, ma’am,” he said, nodding his head in respect. “I will take my leave now. Both of you have a good afternoon.”

Twilight, giving the guard a wave, waited until he had disappeared down the hall before she released Jon’s mouth. “Jon! You can’t just go saying stuff like that in front of the guard,” she chided with a frown and a stomp of her hoof. “You’re going to get us in trouble!”

“I’m already in trouble,” Jon retorted, looking back at the door. “The second that I step into that room you, Princess Celestia, and whoever else is in there are going to off me.”

“Nopony’s going to hurt you!”

“That’s exactly what a murderer would say!”

“Aurgh! You’re impossible!”

“Yeah? Well, you’re purple!”

Twilight opened her mouth before covering her face with a hoof and groaning in irritation. She sat down with an angry flick of her tail. Taking a few deep breaths through her nose, she removed her hoof from her face and looked up at him.

“…What’s it going to take for me to convince you that nopony’s going to hurt you?” she asked, irritated but resolute, like a mother whose child just stepped foot into the toy department.

Jon crossed his arms. His bright green eyes looked her up and down carefully. If Twilight would have listened very carefully, she would have been able to hear the gears churning in his head.

“A Pinkie Promise,” he said after a moment’s deliberation.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “A Pinkie Promise?”

Jon nodded. “Yep. Pinkie Promise me that I’m going to walk out of that room in one piece,” he said. “If you do get me, at least Ponk will avenge me.”

Twilight opened her mouth to say something but thought better of it, simply shaking her head. “Fine, if you’re going to be such a little colt about it…”

Clearing her throat, she stood up straight and placed a hoof to her chest. “Jon E. Mous. I, Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, promise you that you will not be harmed in any way, shape, or form by myself or anyone else in Canterlot Castle. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

Jon’s eyes narrowed. “Poke yourself in the eye.”

Twilight’s eyes narrowed in return. “I’m not going to do that, Jon. It hurts.”

Jon’s eyes narrowed down to slits. “The pain is what makes it a Pinkie Promise.”

Twilight’s tail flicked in resolute disapproval. “That’s the stupidest thing that I’ve ever heard.”

“I don’t care how stupid you think it is, I’m not setting a foot in that room unless you poke yourself in the eye.”

The two had a bit of a stare-off before the princess groaned. “Fine,” she said, beginning to go through the motions. “Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my—ow!”

A small smile came to Jon’s face as Twilight began to rub her eye, a frown on her face

“Are you happy now?” the princess demanded.

The young man nodded. “Yep, let’s go,” he said. He gestured toward the door. “Ladies first.”

Smacking him with one of her wings, Twilight brushed past him, “Ladies first, my butt,” she grumbled.

Loudly clearing her throat, she walked over and knocked on the door. “Princess? Are you in there? It’s me, Twilight. I brought Jon like we talked about.”

For a few moments, not a sound came from the other end of the door. No breathing, no talking, no movement. Nothing.

Twilight’s ears perked and Jon took a cautious step closer. Seconds turned into a minute and still no sound came from the room whatsoever. Twilight was just about to knock on the door again but then a voice finally came from the other side of the door.

“Ah yes, come in, come in, Twilight. I’ve been expecting you.”

Twilight smiled brightly, relief easing the tension that had been building up in her withers. “Alright, we’ll be right in!” she said, before she looked back over her wither at the human. “Don’t you dare say or do anything weird in there.”

“What the hell would I do in there?” Jon demanded.

Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t know, but Celestia help me if you do it,” she growled, pointing a hoof at him. “Now act like a stallion for once in your life and remember to show the princess a little respect. Please.”

Jon made a rude gesture, but Twilight ignored it, turning her attention back toward the door. Her horn glowed, encasing the doorknob in her purple aura. With a flick of her horn the knob twisted. With another flick and a high-pitched squeal, courtesy of the door itself, the door was pulled open.

“Alright, Jon, let’s go,” the princess said, making her way into the room.

She was halfway through the door when she stopped and turned around. “Be. Good,” she growled, pointing a hoof at him before turning around and disappearing through the door.

Jon bit his lip. Rocking back and forth on his heels, he looked around the seemingly empty hallway. He then looked up at the ceiling, putting his hands together as if in prayer.

“Do something really silly to Twilight if I die, Pank,” he mumbled, bowing his head. “Do something really, really, really silly.”

Mustering up his courage, he made his way to the door. He poked his head inside—ready to jump back out into the hall if the need arose—only stepping into the room when he saw that the coast was clear and that no one was lying in wait with weapons.

“Jonathan? Is everything alright?” A voice called from deeper in the room.

He knew that voice; he had heard that motherly, powerful, beautiful, elegant, one-in-a-million tone that seemed to hang in the air for a few seconds longer than it should have many a time. Sure, it had been a few years since he had heard it, but never in his life would he ever forget it or its owner.

It was the voice of Princess Celestia, Lady of the Sun, and the Biggest Horse in the Land.

Jon paused mid-step. He then looked back at the still partially opened door. He frowned, before shaking his head with a small, bemused smile on his face

“…Everything’s alright. I’m coming,” he said, reaching over and grabbing the doorknob. “I was just… tying my shoe.”

The door shut with a click as he closed it before making his way into the room.

Once upon a time, he had lived in a room just like this for a number of weeks. Back before he was a worker in Bonbon’s candy shop, back before he managed to buy himself a small but comfortable house with a lovely little garden out in the front.

The walls were a warm tan color. Below, the floor was a plush red carpet. There wasn’t a speck of dirt or dust everywhere. Every single piece of furniture was made out of old, polished hardwood in some way or another.

Since the city had had its Summer Strawberry Celebration a few days prior, the room, along with the rest of the city, had a faint smell of strawberries to it. It was a pleasant scent, a calming scent, and with each breath he found himself relaxing more and more.

As he made his way into the room proper, Jon saw that three chairs had been put in the middle of the room. They were around a small coffee table, which had three tea cups, a pot of steaming tea, and a plate stacked to the brim with yellowish, round cookies that, even from ten feet away, smelled lemony and sugary.

Twilight was sitting in one of the chairs, stuffing her face with a hoof full of cookies while one of the teacups, full and steaming, floated around her head. Princess Celestia—whose chair was a good deal bigger than Twilight’s, as was the empty seat sitting across from her— was seated right next to her. The Princess was pouring some milk into a tea cup, stirring it slowly with a small silver spoon as she did so.

She wasn’t wearing any of her royal finery, he noticed, and her mane and tail weren’t floating on some unfelt breeze like they usually did. At that moment she looked like a normal pony. A normal pony who towered over most and had both wings and a horn but a normal pony nonetheless.

As he entered the room, both of the princesses looked up at him. Celestia smiled, setting the small jar of milk onto the table.

“Ah, there you are, Jonathan,” she said. “Please, please, sit down. We have much to… discuss.”

Jon gave the princess a careful once-over. He then looked over at Twilight, who was staring at him very hard. Drumming his fingers against his thigh, he walked over toward the two. Ignoring the empty chair completely, he made his way over to Princess Celestia’s side. Kneeling down, his head bowed, he grabbed her left hoof with both hands and gave it a kiss.

“It is very nice to see you, Don Celestia. I come to you, a humble acquaintance of the famil—Ow!”

Twilight—who was trying her hardest to frown despite the fact that her cheeks were comically overstuffed with cookies—glared at the human as he began to rub the back of his head.

“What the heck was that, Twi?!” the human demanded, looking over at her. “What the hell did you hit me with?!”

Twilight, too polite to talk with her mouth full, began to gesture wildly at him.

“Whatcha’ mean? There’s nothing wrong with kissing a princess’s hoof!”

More gesturing, some of it bordering on inappropriate.

“I did not! You told me to act politely before I came in here and that’s what I’m doing! And quit stuffing your cheeks like a chipmunk, you purple pig.”

Celestia—who had a small, amused smile on her face—carefully lifted her hoof from the human’s hands. She then loudly cleared her throat, causing the two to look at her.

“While I… appreciate your courtesy, Jonathan, there is no reason to bend over backwards for me,” she said, not unkindly. “This is a casual meeting; treat me as you would any other.” She gestured toward the empty chair. “Now please, sit. Have some tea and cakes. If Twilight is any indication, the cakes are quite good.”

Twilight, blushing, quickly swallowed. “…Excuse me, Princess,” she said, rubbing her leg. “I forgot to eat this morning and I’m a little… peckish.”

Celestia’s smile turned into a grin. “That’s quite alright, Twilight. I’ll be sure to tell the chef’s that you enjoyed them.”

Jon, nervously looking around, stood up and made his way to the empty chair. The whole time that he did this, he could feel Princess Celestia’s gaze on him. While this was nothing new—a lot of ponies would stop what they were doing to stare at him, even after all of this time—there was… something about how she looked at him.

Her gaze was intense, almost piercing. He could see sadness in her eyes; hopefulness, fear, trepidation, excitement.

This was not the gaze of a solemn, powerful, all-knowing ruler. This was something else. Someone else.

Trying to keep the growing concern from his face, Jon sat down and leaned forward. He grabbed an empty teacup and slid it over to him. Carefully grabbing the teapot—rubbing his thumb over the slightly warm, smooth ceramic— he poured himself some tea. Quickly bringing the cup to his lips, he gently blew before taking a sip of the slightly bitter, though refreshing, beverage.

Celestia, along with Twilight, watched him the whole time while he did this.

“Is the tea to your liking, Jon?” the Princess of the Sun politely asked, having a sip of tea herself. “I was told by the servant that brought it in that it had been made with a new blend of special tea leaves.”

Licking his lips, his eyes narrowed slightly as he tried to discern the various flavors in the tea, Jon put his cup back onto the table. “It taste fine,” he said. “It’s a bit more bitter than I usually get, but it’s alright.”

Celestia smiled, her wings ruffling against her sides. “So how have you been, Jonathan? Have my little ponies been treating you well?” she asked, leaning toward him.

“The Flower Sisters still pass out if they don’t see me walking by until the last minute.” he answered with a half-smile. “I always make sure to put them in funny positions. Other than that, I really can’t complain.”

Celestia nodded. “Very good, very good,” she said, her wings ruffling again.

She tapped a hoof against the arm of her chair before shifting in her seat. Her feathers ruffled for a third time as she leaned forward again before leaning back just as quickly. The chair creaked as she moved around, doing its best to hold her not insignificant weight.

Jon, helping himself to a cookie, realized that she was fidgeting. He looked over at Twilight to see that the purple alicorn was also staring at the princess, also not able to sit still in her seat.

This did absolutely nothing to inspire any confidence in him.

Putting his crumbly, sugary cookie back down onto the plate, he leaned back into his chair. “So… not to sound rude or anything, but do you guys mind telling me what’s going on?” He looked at the two princesses, tapping a finger against his thigh anxiously. “All of this hush-hush, cloak-and-dagger stuff gets a guy nervous…”

To his surprise, Celestia let out a quiet chuckle. If he hadn’t been looking at her, and paying attention, he doubted he would have even heard it.

There was no joy in the sound, no amusement. It was empty; empty with just a twinge of sadness.

“My apologizes, Jonathan,” the princess said, shaking her head. “For the last two days I have been wondering how to broach this subject with you. Unfortunately for me I haven’t had the slightest idea how to go about it…”

Twilight, now looking very concerned, set her teacup down with a spell. “Princess, maybe if I just—” she began, only to stop when Celestia raised a hoof.

“No, no, my old student. Though I wish more than anything for Jonathan to agree to my request I will not dance around the issue or lead him astray.” Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. “He deserves to know what I wish clear and plain, so that is what I will do.”

Biting his lip, Jon picked up his chair and scooted it away from the table and the princesses and toward the door behind him as discreetly as he could. “…Is this the part where you tell me that you have a bunch of clones of me underneath the castle that you’re experimenting on?” he carefully asked

Celestia chuckled again, staring at him with her big, beautiful, sad eyes. “No, no, my little human,” she said. “I simply brought you here to ask if you would try to put a child in me.”

For several seconds, the room was so quiet that one would have been able to hear the bacteria on the floor crawling around. In fact, at that moment, the entirety of Canterlot was so silent that one would have been able to hear a bumblebee fart.

Jon looked between the princesses. He then leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He brought his hands together, intertwining his fingers as he let out a puff of air through his nose.

“…Put a baby in you?” he asked carefully, weighing each word as if it were a gold coin. “You brought me all the way up here to put a… to put a baby in you?”

Twilight cringed, leaning back into her chair and hugging herself with her wings. Celestia, however, did not react to the incredulity in his voice. She simply sat there, looking him straight in the eye.

“Yes,” she said with a nod. “I would like you to try to impregnate me. Please.”

Several tense, sound-void seconds ticked by before Jon nodded, his eyes narrowing. He rolled his jaw—which popped several times— as he leaned back against his chair. Then, all at once, he cracked a smile.

“I had heard that you were a bit of a jokester, Princess, but I didn’t know that you were willing to take a joke this far.” He chuckled, leaning forward. “You know, you had me going there, Twilight! Making me think that—”

“It’s not a joke, Jon,” Twilight quietly said.

Jon’s jawed snapped shut. The amusement that had been coming to his face disappeared. Concern began to replace it; concern and confusion.

“…What?” He quickly stood up, knocking over his chair. “What?”

Both alicorns flinched as a loud, heavy bang filled the air. Celestia looked down at the table, her ears pinned against her skull, while Twilight quickly stood up.

“Jon, if you just sit back down and let us—”

“Put a baby in you?! Why in the name of Mr. Roger’s holy ghost would you want me to put a baby in you? We’re friends—at least I like to think so— but we don’t know each other that well!”

“Jon, plea—”

“I mean, you can’t just drop something like that on a guy! I haven’t even gone out on a date with one of you little horses! Why the hell would I—”

Twilight’s horn glowed.

Before Jon could say another word his mouth was forced shut. His chair was lifted back into the air and sat up. He was then forced to sit in the chair.

“Jon! Stop your yelling right this instant and let me explain, for Celestia’s sake!” Twilight shouted, marching over to him.

Though his mouth couldn’t move, Jon continued to look between Celestia and Twilight. His eyes were wide and slightly wild, as if he expected that they were going to jump him at any moment.

Twilight ignored this however, stopping right in front of him and plopping down. “Jon, I know that the princess was a little… blunt, and you have every right to be a little concerned, but I promise that if you just listen to me for a minute you’ll understand what’s going on.” She looked back at the princess, who continued to look down at the coffee table. “The princess is just nervous. I’m nervous too, but like I said, nothing’s going to happen to you. You’re going to be totally fine. I’m sorry that I sound like the two of us are going to do something to you but trust me; nothing is going to happen to you. Now, I’m going to let you talk again. Don’t freak out.”

The princess cut off the magic from her horn, releasing him. Jon gave her an angry glare, wiggling his arms and his legs to see if everything still worked, eyeing her as if he expected her to explode at any moment.

He frowned, scooching his chair away from her before making himself comfortable.“…Explain.”

Twilight bit her lip. Closing her eyes, she quietly counted out loud to herself before inhaling. Holding the breath for a few moments, she exhaled explosively and opened her eyes.

“Jon—”

The human shook his head. “Nuh-uh, not you.” He gestured toward Princess Celestia, who looked up at him. “Princess? You mind telling me what this is all about?”

Slowly, Princess Celestia rose from her seat and made her way over to him. Her steps were measured and graceful, and her head held up high, but there was very real fear in her eyes. She sat next to Twilight, sighed, and looked down at the ground.

“I have done many, many things in this world, Jon,” she began. “In my youngers years, I was an adventurer and a seeker of knowledge. As the years passed, I found myself as a blacksmith, a shopkeeper, one or twice I was a knight in the service of some noble. I have been a scribe, a beggar, I have worked the fields alongside earth ponies and woven clouds with pegasi.” She smiled ruefully. “I have also been, and still am, a ruler and a princess. For some centuries, I have been a ruler without equal and for others I have been something akin to a tyrant.”

Her wings ruffled as her withers sagged. Her smile became a little more forced, as was her body language.

“I have done and seen and experienced so, so many things in my long, long life, but there is one thing that I haven’t had the pleasure of knowing.”

It took a minute, but eventually Jon connected the pieces together. “You’ve never had a kid before?” he asked, brow furrowing. “How? Aren’t you like four thousand years old?”

Celestia’s muzzle scrunched up. “I’m not that old, Jonathan,” she said indignantly. “And it hasn’t been for a lack of trying, I promise you..”

“The princess has spent over a thousand years trying to conceive a child, Jon,” Twilight said. “But each time that she’s tried, it’s been a failure.”

Though it looked painful for her to do so, Celestia nodded. “I have laid with hundreds of stallions. When I saw that their seed would not take, I began to lay with gryphons, then yaks, then minotaurs, then diamond dogs. In my desperation, I have even tried to mate with dragons.”

“Dragons?” Jon said, his voice laced with both fascination and just a bit of horror. “Little ones or the big, giant ones? Because, while you’re big and all, I don’t see how it would work out with the big ones...”

“I used my magic to stimulate the drake and positioned myself so that the following emissions would go where they were needed,” the princess bluntly answered.

“…Oh,” the human murmured, chewing on his lip before leaning forward in his chair. “You know… A small part of me wants to know more...”

Both princesses watched the young man’s internal battle with himself. A minute passed before, with a straight face, he nodded. “Yep, I want to know. Now, did they cum so hard that—”

Twilight, blushing, was quick to cut that particular line of questioning off. “What the princess is trying to say is she has tried to have a child with every creature that she could get her hooves on.”

“…Every creature?”

“Jon…”

Jon raised his hands up defensively. “Hey, I was just asking. No need to bite my head off.”

Giving him a look that only promised pain, Twilight cleared her throat and continued. “From what she has told me, Princess Celestia has gone through every sapient species on the planet numerous times and no sperm has taken. Pony, gryphon, dragon, elk, diamond dog, every species had failed to impregnate an alicorn. As far as the princess is concerned, there is nothing on this planet that can get them pregnant. ”

“…But then I came,” Jon muttered.

Both of the princesses nodded.

“That is correct, Jonathan,” Celestia quietly said. “I have never laid with a human before, not in all of my years trying to conceive a child. Not in all of my years of living have I seen one of your kind until you came.”

“But how do you know that having sex with me would do anything?” Jon demanded, wringing his hands.

“I don’t,” Celestia answered honestly.

“Couldn’t you just be infertile?”

The Princess of the Sun shook her head. “Since the practice of medicine—as you know it— began, I have been going to doctors to see if something is wrong with me. For the last five hundred years, I have been told that I should be able to conceive.”

“But I’m a human and you’re an alicorn! How would something like that even work!?”

“As I said, I have seen many things,” Celestia calmly responded. “You would be very surprised, Jonathan.”

“What about adopting? That’s practically the same thing if you get a kid that’s young enough!”

“I have adopted, many times in fact,” the princess admitted. “And each and every one of them has brought joy and light to my life. But it is not the same. I did not feel any of them growing in my belly. I did not give birth to them. They did not suckle on my teat.”

Jon looked around the room, his mind racing. With them this close, he could smell both of the alicorns. Sweat and lavender clung to Twilight, like it usually did, but Celestia’s scent he couldn’t quite identify. Vanilla, frankincense, sugar, chocolate, some type of bitter-smelling soap. It was everywhere in the room, overpowering the smell of strawberries and the varnish of the chair that he sat in.

Suddenly, his eyes widened. “Wait, wait, wait! What about Shining! He had a kid with that pink love princess!”

“Cadance ascended just like me, Jon,” Twilight said carefully. “Me and her aren’t like Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. Their ascension was… different.”

“And even if he could, I would not ask Shining Armor to forsake his wife to bed me,” Celestia added firmly. “I may wish for a child but I will not cause two ponies that love each other pain such as that.”

“You don’t have to fuck him! All you’d need to do is—” Groaning, Jon covered his face with his hands.

He hadn’t been expecting this. He hadn’t been expecting anything close to this. This was supposed to be a simple visit. He was supposed to come up here, embarrass Twilight in front of her old teacher, talk to both princesses and some of the castle staff, and he was supposed to go home so he could get ready for work tomorrow.

Something like this wasn’t supposed to happen. It was nonsense, impossible. It was too much too fast. He couldn’t handle it; he didn’t know how to act or what to do in this situation.

He groaned again, so loudly that the sound bounced off the walls “Why couldn’t you just have asked me about some bullshit friendship lesson?!”

Twilight, a bit of worry coloring her features, placed a hoof on her leg. “I know that this is a lot to take in, Jon, but I really need you to think about this,” she said carefully. “Could you imagine living as long as the princess has, seeing all of these ponies having children, and not be able to do the same.”

“I don’t need to imagine, Twi,” Jon retorted hotly. “I’m never going to have kids either because there’s—”

A shiver ran up his body as the realization finally settled in; a realization that hadn’t crossed his mind since he had fallen into this world with nothing but the clothes off his back. He had no idea why he had never thought of it before—it was so obvious that it may as well have been right in front of his face.

“…There’s only one human on this planet. Me,” he quietly finished. He looked down at his lap, feeling his stomach twist as the cold, hard truth washed over him. “I’m never going to have kids. No one to pass the legacy on. No one to throw a ball to. No diapers to change or babies to feed. When I go there’s nothing else, no one else. Just a legacy and a name.”

Not knowing what else to do, he snorted half-heartedly. “Why the hell did I just realize that?” he muttered to himself, hugging his arms to his chest as he leaned forward. “It’s so obvious. Like the most obvious thing in the world. I should have known about it as soon as I landed here. I should have… I should… Wow… That’s kind of fucked up… Really kind of fucked up.”

Something as soft as spun clouds and as warm as a blanket that just got out of the dryer touched his shoulder. Looking up, he saw that it was Celestia’s wing. The Princess was giving him a small smile, understanding and pain in her eyes.

“That doesn’t have to be the case, Jon,” she said. “You could still have a chance. We could still have a chance.”

Jon looked back down at his lap, overwhelmed and confused. “…Did Twilight mention that I don’t see any of you guys in that way?” he blurted out. “A couple mares have tossed it out there back in Ponyville, and I was flattered and all, but… you know…”

“Twilight told me you would be resistant to the idea,” Celestia replied. “I had thought of tempting you with bits, as I’ve had to do in the past, but decided against it.”

“This… this is a hell of a lot to take in on a Tuesday,” The human admitted. He looked up at the white alicorn. “Why now? Why not ask me later?”

“I only go into heat twice a year,” Celestia told him. “While we needn’t do anything now, Twilight and I decided to see if you would have an inkling of an interest in helping me with my… problem.”

Jon looked her up and down carefully. “So that means you’re…” He trailed off, vaguely gesturing with his hands.

For the first time since he had entered the room, a bit of pink came to Celestia’s cheeks. “Yes, I am in season,” she said, almost shyly, her free wing dipping down to cover her side. “Which is another reason why I was so eager to bring you up here and ask you.”

Not knowing what to say to that, Jon just nodded. “…Alright.”

He looked back down at his lap. For the next ten minutes, he didn’t say a word, lost in his thoughts and feelings. During this time, neither Twilight nor Celestia said a thing. They stood there quietly—Celestia’s wing still on the human’s shoulder—and waited.

“What would happen if we, you know…” he whispered, keeping his gaze glued to his lap.

“If we were to conceive, I would have you come to the castle to live with me,” Celestia answered without hesitation, her voice like iron. “Both you and our child would never want for anything. You would also be crowned a prince-consort and he a prince, and for the rest of our days I would give you all of the love and affection that I am able to give.”

His mouth twitched. “So we’d get married and live happily ever after, huh?” he asked, almost sounding amused.

Celestia’s wing curled around his entire back with a tenderness that almost made him get up and pull her into a hug. “Jonathan, I swear, on my title, my life, and even my sun, that I will do everything in my power to make you the happiest stallion in the world if you bring my dream to fruition.”

He was quiet for several more minutes, the gears in his mind churning as he thought long and hard. Finally, he spoke,“…Can I talk to Twilight for a bit before I say anything, Princess? Please?”

Immediately, Celestia nodded. “Of course,” she said, lifting her wing from his shoulders and tucking it back against her side. “I understand that this is quite a thing to ask of you.”

Though she was doing her best to appear regal and calm, cracks could be seen at the edges of her mask and heard in her voice. “If there is anything—”

“Something very strong to drink. A whole bottle of it, with two glasses.”

Celestia nodded, her movements tense and jerky. “Very well. I shall go to the kitchens at once and see that you get what you need.” Her feathers ruffled as she looked at Twilight. “Twilight, if either of you need anything, anything at all, you know how to contact me. “

With that, the princess all but fled the room, leaving Twilight and Jon alone.

Twilight, working up her courage, once again placed a hoof in his knee. “…Are you alright, Jon?”

“...I don’t know,” the human said, shaking his head. “I have absolutely no idea...”

Twilight flinched, quickly looking down at the ground, regret coloring her features. “I know we keep telling you that this is a lot to take in, but we wouldn’t ask you unless there wasn’t anything else that we could do,” the Princess of Friendship said. “When the princess told me that she was never able to—”

Not looking up, Jon grabbed Twilight’s muzzle and snapped it shut. Twilight, both surprised and a little confused, looked at him as he sighed.

“When that servant or chief or whatever comes to the door with that bottle of liquor we’re going to drink every bit of it,” he proclaimed, finally looking up at her. “I’m pretty sure that I’ll be doing most of the drinking though. And forget about either of us getting any sleep tonight.”

Giving Twilight’s incredibly soft, furry muzzle a little squeeze, he released it and let his hand flop onto the arm of his chair. “What time is it?” he asked.

Twilight’s frowned, looking over at the clock on the wall. “A quarter past two. Why?”

Jon leaned back into his chair. “I work at eight in the morning tomorrow,” he said. “That means that you have eighteen hours to convince me to have the kids that I may or may not want in the future.”

He crossed his legs, staring at her hard as she stared back in slack-jawed disbelief. “I’d hurry up and think up some good reasons though, because I plan to get so fucked up that I can’t see in a couple of hours.”

Teneat equum Solis

The night had been a very long one for Jon; probably one of the longest of his young life. As he had prophesied, neither him nor Twilight had gotten a wink of sleep. They had instead spent the entire night talking and drinking.

Both the human and princess talked about many things in the quiet darkness of that little room in the middle of the castle. Much of it was uncomfortable, and even a little painful. There was some crying, hugging, a chair was thrown, as were more than a few half-empty bottles. They talked until their throats were raw and their limbs were heavy and their heads hurt from cherry wine and black whiskey that burned going the whole way down.

In the end, Twilight had somehow kept him from drinking himself to death. She also—incredibly—managed to talk him into considering their proposition. He still had his reservations about the whole business, and many, many questions—why wouldn’t he?— but he wasn’t taking the first train out of Canterlot this morning. And that, at least to her, was a start.

As Celestia’s sun came up, and its golden, luminescent rays pierced through the window of that little room, chasing away the shadows and bringing color and life to everything it touched, both the alicorn and the human could sit back and take in the state of themselves.

Twilight’s light purple fur was matted heavily. Her wings, usually so immaculately maintained, now had feathers sticking up at every angle, some of them even broken or torn. Her mane and tail were likewise ruffled and messy, either sticking wetly to her forehead or neck or jutting out every which way. There were dark rings under her half-lidded, drooping eyelids. Her mouth was partially opened, and her cheeks were stained with still-drying tears.

Jon’s state wasn’t much better than hers. His hair was messy and dirty. His eyes were so bloodshot than not a bit of white could be seen in them. Tears were still drying on his slightly clammy, pale face. Both his shirt and pants were wrinkled, smelled heavily of booze, and were torn and ripped in more than a few places.

The two of them were exhausted, both mentally and physically, but it was a good kind of exhaustion. It was the kind of bone-numbing fatigue that one experienced after baring his or her soul—wounds and hopes and all—to another. This exhaustion was a cleansing one, and though Jonathan still felt the cold, hard truths that were realized the day before bearing down upon him, they didn’t seem quite as crushing as they could have been.

“…Twi? Is there anything left in any of those bottles?” the human asked as he closed his eyes, pressing his back against the wall.

Twilight, who was sitting next to him—splayed out with her head on the carpet and her tail tucked between her legs— grunted. One of her eyes lazily opened and she began to paw at the upright bottle in front of her. Her hoof wasn’t quite long enough, but with some steadfast determination and a spell, the long-necked glass bottle was in her grasp.

Cracking open her other eye, its pupil adjusting to the light that was washing over her face, she gave the bottle a little shake. “Nope. It’s empty,” she proclaimed, dropping the bottle onto its side and rolling it away with a flick of her hoof.

Jon groaned. “My head hurts,” he mumbled.

“That’s because you tried to drink Canterlot dry,” the princess pointed out, closing her eyes with a throaty burp. “You dummy.”

Groaning again, the human reached over and shoved his purple friend. “It’s your fault,” he said, sounding more exhausted than accusatory. “If you would have just whacked me like you were supposed to you wouldn’t have me thinking about all of this heavy shit.”

Twilight snorted, giving him a shove right back. “That doesn’t mean that you should be drinking like this.”

“I mean, I’m never going to have kids,” Jon continued, ignoring her statement completely. “Hell, I was never all that into the idea of having a bunch of monsters, but in the back of my head I always kinda thought that it would just… happen.”

He made a vague gesture with both of his hands before letting them drop to the floor. Then he sighed again and tapped the back of his head against the wall.

“I’d find someone nice, we’d get married, fool around for a couple of years. We’d buy a house out in the middle of nowhere, get a sweet car, maybe a dog or a cat or something.” He covered his face with both hands, head angled to the ceiling. “Then one day she’d tell me that she was pregnant, we’d have the fucking kid, then she’d want more and...”

Twilight nuzzled her cheek into the carpet as he trailed off. “You still might be able to have kids, Jon,” she murmured. “You can’t just give up. If this works out, you’ll get all of that and more.”

“That’s the problem. I don’t even know if I want that!” Jon complained. “I mean, what would our kids even look like if we could have them? Would they be some hybrid freak? Would they look like some weirdo human with wings and a horn? Would it be some pony with my hands or feet instead of fucking hooves?!”

“We don’t know,” Twilight confessed, helplessly shrugging. “This is unfamiliar territory. The only thing that we can do—if you want to do it, that is—is keep moving forward and see where this… thing takes us.” She picked her head up. With some finagling, she managed to open both of her eyes so she could look at him. “If it makes you feel any better, most stallions would kill to be in your position.”

He gave her a glare. “If you don’t be quiet I’m going to boop you senseless, you little nerd.”

Twilight, letting her head fall back onto the carpet, stuck her tongue out at him. “Just think about it. Remember, we’re not going to force you into anything.”

Jon just snorted, closing his eyes and banging the back of his head against the wall with so much force that the wall shook. “I’ve been thinking about it all night, Twi,” he said. “The only thing I have for it is sleep deprivation and a nasty hangover.”

Twilight giggled. “You liar,” she said, flicking his arm with her tail. “I know that you’re considering it. I can see it on your face.”

Jon snorted again, vindictively tugging on her tail before she moved it away. “I’m not telling you to fuck off,” he said. “That’s the best that you’re going to get today.”

Twilight, as nauseated and hungover as she was, couldn’t help but smile. “It’ll take it.”

The light pouring through the blinds was beginning to shine in Jon’s face. Grunting, he tried to slap away the light, with very little success.

“So what are we going to do now?” he asked.

Twilight licked her lips, her nose crinkling in disgust as she tasted old, stale booze. Her wings opened and closed—tapping against the now very dirty rug and her friend’s side—and her nose scrunched up in thought.

“Do you wanna go and get something to eat?” she grumbled.

One of the human’s eyes cracked open, regarding her. “…I could go for some pancakes,” he admitted.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~

While Twilight would have usually insisted that Jon clean himself up before running around where ponies could see him, today she couldn’t find the energy to do so. As drained as she was, she couldn’t even find the energy to drag herself into a shower. So, as the two of them trudged through the halls in a zombie-like fashion, noble and commoner alike got to see them in all of their filthy, hungover, and haggard glory.

Though given an odd look or two—wherein a group of stallions may or may not have begun whispering to each other in horror—both the human and princess were given a wide berth and mostly left alone. Not that they noticed or even cared, however.

Their pace through the castle was slow. Twilight, while having spent nearly her whole life here, had rarely walked these halls in such a state. More than once, she led the two of them down the wrong corridor to a different section of the castle entirely. On two occasions, they found themselves in a janitor’s closet pawing at brooms and mops. Eventually, however, after some tired, half-hearted arguing and a bit of playful rubbing, the two eventually found themselves in the royal kitchen.

As always, the place was alive with activity. Ponies were scurrying back and forth, carrying plates and pots and ingredients. The sounds and smells of food being prepared were thick in the air. Cooks yelled at other cooks, the sounds of knives slamming against chopping blocks rang out, water screeched as it hit hot steel.

One of the chefs, a light blue pegasus that almost looked as bad as the two of them, perked up when they entered the room. “Good morning, your highness, Mr. Jonathan. Is there anything that I can hel—”

“Coffee,” Jon mumbled.

“Pancakes,” Twilight grunted. “And lots of bacon. Hay for me and pork for him.”

Jon nodded, though the movement seemed to give him just a bit of trouble. “And butter toast. A plateful.”

“Make the coffee black please.”

“I want the bacon as crispy as you can make it. The blacker the better.”

“And we want a lot of syrup for the pancakes.”

“Lots.”

The chef, surprised by the barrage of request, took a nervous step backward. “Um, ah, alrighty then,” she said, her gaze flicking between the two. “We’ll get all of that ready for you right away! Now, if you’ll just make your way to the dining area, Princess Celestia is already there waiting for you.”

The two grunted—Twilight nearly falling over as the world decided to begin spinning—before very slowly, and very, very carefully turning around and doing as the chef asked.

The castle’s dining room—as it always was in the morning—was filled to the brim with ponies. The smell of syrup and orange juice was thick in the air. All around, ponies were laughing and joking and jostling each other. The mood was light and happy and carefree, but not infectious however, if the way that Twilight and Jonathan stared at the room with dead, pained, lifeless eyes was any indication.

“It’s too loud in here,” Twilight mumbled with a flick of her tail.

“I wanna turn that big, bright light off,” Jon said, covering his face with a hand.

“That big light is the Sun, Jon.”

“I know what I said, Twi.”

Twilight cracked a small smile. “Come on, we have to go to the princess's personal dining room,” she said, bumping his side lightly with her rump. “Princess Celestia will be waiting there for us.”

The two navigated the crowds with little fuss, making their way through the massive room and toward the back, where a pair of guards were stationed on either side of a golden, ornate door.

Seeing them, both guards saluted. “Good morning your highness, Jonathan,” one of the guards said, quickly reached over and opening the door. “Please go inside. Princess Celestia is expecting you.”

Mumbling their thanks, both Twilight and Jon stepped through the door and into a very small, very plain room.

Its walls were white, with very little in the way of decoration. The floors were made of a type of hardwood and polished to a sheen. At the center of this room was a table with four old but comfortable-looking wooden chairs. Seated in one of these chairs, nibbling on a donut with a steaming cup of black coffee beside her, was Princess Celestia.

The princess was slumped forward slightly. Her mane hung limply against her neck. While she was wearing her peytral and crown they hung on her oddly. Her amethyst eyes were bloodshot and there were bags under her partially closed eyes. She looked, for all the world, like she was ready to fall asleep right there at the table.

“Didn’t get much sleep either, huh?” Jon asked.

The princess jumped, sending her donut flying across the room with a yelp. She quickly looked up at the two of them, her eyes wide.

“Twilight? Jonathan?” Seeing the state that she was in, she quickly righted herself and cleared her throat. “Good morning. I had not expected the two of you for a few more hours. Come, come, sit.”

Her horn glowed. Each of the empty chairs were pulled out. “Have the two of you ordered yourselves breakfast?” she asked, doing her best not to stare at Jonathan. “If not, I can have a servant come and take your order.”

Jon was the first one to move, walking over to the table and sitting down. Though he looked just a bit uncomfortable, he sat down right next to the princess. Celestia—though she stiffened just a hair—made no comment as Twilight took the seat on the other side of the table parallel to the two of them.

“We already went to the kitchen and ordered, princess,” she said with a smile. “But thank you for offering.”

Celestia smiled back at her. Though most would have thought it just a regular smile, Twilight had been around the princess long enough to know that it was a nervous one. A very nervous one.

“Very good,” she said, her wings unconsciously twitching.

She looked over at Jonathan, who was staring at the table quietly with his hands in his lap. She then looked back over at Twilight, who continued to smile brightly at her.

A certain tension began to grow in the room. Though Twilight and Jon barely felt it—the two of them just focused on not falling out of their chairs—Celestia could feel it very well. It made the fur on the back of her neck stand on end. Anxiousness began to grow in her stomach. Each passing second that was spent in silence felt like an hour.

Finally, after about five minutes of this, Celestia could take no more.

“Jonathan? Have you considered my… proposition?” she asked, just able to keep the tremble out of her voice. “If it doesn’t interest you in any way I understand. I will not force you to—”

“Twilight’s nearly talked me into it,” Jon interrupted, lifting his arms up and letting them fall onto the table with a meaty smack. “I think anyways.”

The princess trailed off as Twilight’s smile doubled in size. “She…has?” she said slowly, carefully, as if she suddenly expected him to get up and run out of the room at any moment.

Jon nodded. “I’m not a hundred percent on board, but I’m not totally against the idea,” he said, keeping his gaze glued firmly onto the table in front of him. “I have no idea if this is going to work, or if I even want it to work, and I don’t know if this is just the lack of sleep talking, but I’m willing to put my feet in the water and see where this takes me. Takes us.”

As he finished, a complete change swept through the princess. Her slightly tense and guarded body language dissolved away. Tears began to form out of the corners of her eyes. A smile, bright and honest and happy spread across her face.

Without a second thought, she leapt from her chair and over to the human, her wings fully extended. Before he could do anything, her hooves wrapped around his middle, forcing him against her furry chest.

Jon stiffened in surprise as she began to nuzzle the side of his face in unbridled, unrestrained joy. “Thank you,” she murmured, encasing him within her wings. “Thank you.”

He could smell the vanilla and chocolate on her shockingly soft coat as he could before, but there was also the barest scent of alcohol on her person as she rocked the two of them back and forth.

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you,” she whispered breathlessly, again and again and again, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Without thinking, Jon tried to push away from the hug, only to be forced right back against the very big and very strong mare’s chest. She was warm, almost incredibly so, and underneath that thin layer of plush fur he could feel bundles of hard, corded muscle tense and flex each time that she moved. Her massive wings tightened around his back, further encasing him in a feathery cocoon of heat and comfort.

“Thank you.”

The human tried to struggle for a few moments more before sighing. Letting his body go limp, he slowly wrapped his arms around her and gave her a little squeeze. Celestia hugged him all the harder, quietly repeating her mantra over and over as she rubbed herself against him like a happy cat.

“…Um, excuse me, your highness?”

Celestia paused her nuzzling to look somewhere behind him. “…Good morning, Silver Chalice,” she said, her voice gentle and motherly, with just a hint of embarrassment mixed in.

Jon, squished up against the big princess, tried to once again untangle himself from the mass of hooves and wings. Celestia, feeling him squirming and wiggling, held him all the tighter.

“I… um, should I perhaps come at another time, your majesty?” the mystery pony asked anxiously, rocking back and forth, which caused his hooves to tip-tap against the polished floors.

The princess quickly shook her head. “Of course not, I’m sure that Twilight is very hungry. Please, set the plates and mugs on the table.”

“I… and… of course, Princess.”

Behind him, Jon could hear the pony—no doubt a servant or something of the like—work quickly in setting the plates and everything else onto the table. A little too quickly, perhaps, if the sounds of plates hitting the wooden table a little too hard were any indication.

“T-There you go, Princess Twilight, enjoy.”

Twilight giggled. Whether it was from nervousness or because the alicorn found his situation amusing he couldn’t guess. “Thank you very much, Silver. It looks delicious.”

“Yes, um, well, thank you, your grace. Would the thre—two! Would the two of you like anything else?”

“I’d like to be freed, please,” Jon said as best as he could through flesh and feather and fur. “Pretty please. With a cherry on top. A big cherry.”

Both princesses giggled, albeit a bit nervously.

“He’s fine,” Twilight reassured, the chair squeaking as she shifted her weight. “The princess is just giving him a hug. A, um, very in-depth hug”

“It’s… It’s none of my business what my lady d-does in the privacy of her own dining r-room,” the servant shakily replied. “If that is all, I w-will take my leave, your highnesses. Good d-day.”

The hurried hoofsteps that rang out immediately after that signaled that the servant didn’t quite run out of the room, but it was a near thing.

The second that a door could be heard closing, both Celestia and Twilight’s laughter filled the air. The Princess of the Sun released Jonathan from his warm, soft, feathery prison and took a step back. Tears were still streaming down her face, but she had a smile from ear-to-ear.

“Forgive me, Jonathan. I am just… excited,” she professed as the human dusted himself off. Her horn glowed, pushing in his seat. With another spell, a plate full of food and a cup of coffee was floated over to him. “Please eat. You must be famished.”

Jon took a deep breath—noticing, with a hint of trepidation, that the princess’s scent now clung to him—and looked down at his food. He picked up a piece of black, shriveled bacon, and popped it into his mouth. He shivered as the sharp, burnt taste hit him in the back of his jaw like a punch, coating his tongue and overpowering his senses. It was just how he liked it.

“So how is this going to work? Because I’m not just going to take my pants off and have at it,” he said, eyeing Twilight. “Are you guys going to give me a turkey baster or something so we can artificially inseminate or…”

Both of the princesses looked at him in confusion as he trailed off.

“…Artificially inseminate? What the hay is that?” Twilight asked, cocking her head to the side.

Wiping the bacon grease from his lips, Jon opened his mouth to answer. “See, you take the sperm from someone and you…” He trailed off again, thinking hard. “You take the sperm and you shove it into a girl’s womb… I think?” His shoulders sagged as his mind drew a blank. “To be honest, I don’t know a whole lot about it…”

“I do not think I want inanimate objects being shoved anywhere, thank you very much,” Celestia said, looking slightly horrified. “Especially a “turkey baster”, whatever in harmony’s name that is.”

“Nopony’s shoving anything weird into anypony,” Twilight said as she popped a piece of toast into her mouth. “Because I have a much better idea!”

In three quick bites—that sent crumbs and bits of half-melted butter everywhere—Twilight finished her toast. She smacked her lips, reaching for a piece of hay bacon.

“Jonathan doesn’t see ponies in a romantic sense, which is very important in getting a stallion to, um, perform,” she said matter-of-factly, taking a huge bite out of the bacon. “This means that we’ll have to work you up to it gradually.” Chewing nasally, she quickly swallowed and stuffed the rest of the bacon into her mouth. “According to Soft Hooves’ pyramid of intimacy, there are three stages of affection.”

“Nerd,” Jon muttered, only for a piece of toast to smack him on the forehead a moment later.

“The first tier, or stage, is general affection, here a pony will hug, touch, and perhaps nuzzle another pony without either feeling uncomfortable,” the purple princess continued. “This is the beginning of two pony’s relationship. The second stage is increased affection, where kissing, some exploration and appreciation of the body, even some heavy petting may occur.” Picking up her fork, Twilight began cutting her pancakes into squares. “The third stage is intimacy. This is when the…” She trailed off, tapping her hooves together a few times before clearing her throat. “When they, you know, become intimate.”

Stabbing the pancakes, then a few pieces of bacon, then a piece of toast, Twilight brought the jumbled mass of food to her lips and engulfed it. She closed her eyes and hummed, her cheeks bulging as she chewed. Swallowing, she coughed, quickly grabbing her coffee and taking a few hurried sips before letting out a sigh of relief and then a burp.

“Oh, excuse me,” she said, putting her mug down and wiping her mouth with the back of her hoof. “That might be the most clear-cut, dummies’ guide version of the pyramid of affection, but that’s the gist of it. We have to bear this in mind as we work Jon here up to ‘do the deed’ as they say.”

Jon frowned. “So you’re saying that you’re going to help us solve this mess by using a patented three-step plan?” he asked, brow furrowing in disbelief as he leaned back in his chair. “Next you’re gonna want to sell me a nice piece of land on the moon.”

Celestia smiled at the jab. “I don’t think you’ll have any issues with that, Jonathan,” she said, hopping back into her seat. “My sister doesn’t seem interested in real estate.”

Twilight shoved another mouthful of pancakes into her gullet. “You’ve lived amongst ponies long enough to already be used to the first level of affection,” she said, nearly spitting up half of her food in the process. “You already hug and hold ponies without getting uncomfortable.”

“I don’t get uncomfortable most of the time,” Jon corrected. He looked away from Twilight as a shudder ran up his body. “Trust me. There’s some ponies that I don’t want near me with a ten-foot pole.”

A certain far-too old jenny came to mind. There was also that little filly that was strong enough to lift up entire buildings with one hoof. Shivering again, he took a bite out of some toast, his brow furrowed and his eyes cloudy.

“Even so, you’ve been here long enough to be properly immersed in the first level,” Twilight retorted, pointing her fork at him. “And, even if you don’t realize it, there’s a good chance that you’ve started to naturally become acquainted with the second step. If we let it occur naturally, I’m guessing that in a year or two at the most a mare would be able to snatch you right up without a problem and you’d be completely fine with it.”

Jon and Celestia exchanged glances, one of them unsure and the other still a little nervous.

“…Okay, all of this psychoanalytic stuff is great and all, but you still haven’t told us what we’re going to be doing,” Jon stressed as his fingers drummed against the table.

Smiling to herself, Twilight rested her hooves on the table and leaned forward, her tail flicking side-to-side. “It’s simple, my little human. We’re going to drastically shorten the transition time from one step to another,” she said, as smug and confident as he had ever seen her. “And to do that we’ll need the two of you, a big bed, and a bunch of candles.”

~-~-~-~-~-~

The bed hadn’t been very hard to find. There were many, many beds—of all shapes and sizes— in Canterlot Castle. All it had taken was a request from Celestia and the servants had gone running.

The candles had also been simple. All that was needed was a quick trip down to the market via teleport and two dozen pumpkin-scented candles—Jon’s favorite—had been purchased and brought back to the castle.

All of this had—surprisingly—been brought back to the room that Jonathan and Twilight had all but trashed the night before. Under the purple princess’s supervision, the room had been cleaned, the old bed and much of the furniture had been removed. Candles had been placed all around the room—some of them sitting on shelves, some of them floating on the air—and lit. The blinds had been closed and the lights had been turned off so that only warm, flickering candlelight illuminated the room. The air smelled heavily of burnt wicks and pumpkin and newly washed sheets. Other than some light breathing, the room was completely silent.

Jonathan—having cleaned himself up a few hours’ prior—was sitting on one side of the bed, nervously fidgeting with the covers. Celestia—also cleaned up and without her finery—was seated on the other side of the bed with her tail wrapped around her rump.

The mood in the room wasn’t exactly tense. There was a bit of nervousness, yes, as was there a bit of trepidation and hesitation to begin this journey, but there was also some excitement. This was the first step to something that could change the world or shatter hearts. A lot of hope was riding on this—hope that could be completely and utterly unfounded—and everyone in the room could feel it.

Twilight, who was sitting in the corner with a notepad in her lap and a jar of ink at hoof, cleared her throat. “Alright. Is everything in the room to your liking?” she asked, tapping the tip of her quill against her notepad. “Do you want me to get anything else? Do you need more light? Different types of sheets? Maybe you want something to drink before you lay down?”

She turned her head to Jon. “What about you, ‘Jon? Is there anything that you need? I know how fussy you colts get in these situations.”

The human shook his head. “Nah. I think I’m good.”

Celestia shook her head in agreement. “I don’t think I’ll be needing anything else as well,” she added, half-extending her wings before tucking them back into her sides.

Twilight nodded, scribbling something or another onto her paper. “Alrighty then. Let’s get down to business!” she chirped.

Both Jon and Celestia jumped at the sudden change of volume, snapping their heads over to look at her with a pair of frowns.

Twilight’s smile turned sheepish, her ears pinning themselves against the sides of her head as she hid behind her notebook. “Sorry. I’m just a little… excited.”

“We can tell,” Jon dryly remarked before looking over at Celestia. “Are you ready, pri—”

“Remember Jon, we need you to be completely comfortable around the princess,” Twilight quickly interrupted. “No titles, no formal names, nothing like that.”

Celestia smiled. “I commend your manners, Jonathan, but Celestia will be more than enough.”

“Then you’re going to have to start calling me Jon,” the human replied. “Every time I hear Jonathan I think I’m about to be yelled at.”

Celestia sweetly giggled, covering her mouth with a hoof to hide her smile. “It’s a deal. Now—” Her horn glowed, pulling the topmost cover halfway down the bed. She gestured toward the mattress, her purple eyes almost glowing in the candlelight. “—lord’s first.”

Jon thickly swallowed, looking down at the bed before looking up at the princess. Celestia just smiled encouragingly, tapping a wing against the covers.

“Alrighty then. Here I go…”

The bed creaked as he swung around and crawled into it, wiggled a few inches, and rolled onto his side. Celestia, seeing this, quickly rolled into the bed as well and began to make herself comfortable. It took some quiet coordination, but eventually the two of them found themselves both lying on their sides about a foot from each other. With a simple spell the covers were then thrown over their bodies, fully tucking them in.

Twilight, with a pleased smile, nodded. “Very good. Now remember, don’t take things too fast. If either of you are uncomfortable with touching tonight, then don’t do it. You want to get comfortable in each other’s presence first and foremost.” She looked down at her notepad, flipping through its pages. “Talking to each other, getting to know one another, will help with that.”

Jon eyes narrowed slightly in concern as he stared back at the princess. “Are you gonna be alright with me being this close to you?” he questioned. “I know how some of you ponies get when you’re in season.”

Celestia playfully scoffed. “I’ll have you know that I’m not some filly that cannot control herself, my little human,” she said, puffing her chest out. “I will be fine.”

Jon couldn’t help but smile—as nervous as it was—scooting a little closer. Celestia smiled back, scooting a bit closer as well.

“So, Jon, Twilight has told me that you’ve been given employment at the local sweet shop in Ponyville,” the Princess of the Sun said, nuzzling her cheek into her pillow. “How has that been treating you?”

“It’s alright. Bonbon can be a bit of a hardass sometimes, but it pays pretty well,” the human said, the bed creaking as he wiggled around to get more comfortable, trying to ignore the anxiousness in his stomach. “It’s a pretty fun job all-in-all. We make a lot of candy down there, and I really get a kick out of seeing grown ponies running around the store like a bunch of kids.”

Candlelight danced off Celestia’s coat as she smiled. “I’m very happy to hear that. Once, a very long time ago, I was a candy maker myself.”

“Oh?”

Celestia nodded, scooching a hair closer toward him. “Back then we didn’t have nearly as many candies. All we made were some chocolates and this very chewy type of gum that we made out of tree sap. I remember the work being very hard, but I still remember it very fondly.”

“It’s always nice to come home smelling like butter and chocolate and sugar,” Jon admitted, wiggling just a hair closer. “I really had to cut down on the sweets though. I gained something like twenty pounds the first two months working there.”

“If you’ve gained any weight you hide it very well.”

“That’s because I started taking up running. You kind of have to in Ponyville, what with all of the parties and Pinkie shoving cake into everyone’s mouth every five seconds…”

For the next few hours, the two talked. They talked about many things; work, their friends, hobbies, thoughts on the world and all in it. None of the talk was very deep or personal, but it didn’t have to be.

During these few hours, the two continued to inch closer and closer toward each other as Twilight frantically observed, recorded, and hypothesized in the background.

“—I don’t know what to tell you, Jon. I can have somepony go down to Ponyville, but I don’t think it would do you any good.”

Jon sighed, picking his head up to give a certain purple princess in the corner of the room the stink eye, which said princess purposefully ignored. “I’d still appreciate it. If the Apples see some government employee running around asking questions, they might actually let some other fruit besides apples in the market. I’m sick of eating fucking apples every single day.”

“If you’d like, I could start sending you a fruit basket,” Celestia offered, not bothering to hide her amusement or her smile.

“No, that wouldn’t work,” Jon sourly replied. “The second that a pear or an orange makes its way into town Applejack somehow knows about it. I swear to god that mare is part bloodhound. If you sent that basket she’d be knocking on my door holding a baseball bat in ten minutes.”

Jon unconsciously moved a bit closer to the princess. He was just about to continue his rant on the Apple’s iron-grip on the fruit market when his chest bumped into something. Quickly looking down, he realized that he was finally chest-to-chest with his bedmate.

Celestia noticed this as well, looking down before giving him an unsure smile. “Jon? Would it be alright if I…” she trailed off, touching his shoulder with a hoof before pulling it away.

Jon looked back down at his blanket-covered body before nodding. “Sure, if you want—”

“I do, if that’s alright with yo—”

“Yeah, it’s alright. Really. I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yep. As sure as I can be sure right now.”

The two looked into each other’s eyes for a moment—neither saying a word— before bursting into giggles.

“My apologies, Jon,” the princess said with a shake of her head. “I must admit, I am far more nervous than I thought I’d be.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” the human agreed. “I’m a little… something too.” He looked up at her with a half-smile. “But it’s not as bad as it was a little while ago.”

One of his arms shifted under the covers, moving forward until his hand was on the princess’s belly. Celestia twitched, a quiet gasp escaping her lips as he gave it a pat.

“So don’t worry about it. If you want to put a hoof around me or whatever I’ll be alright with it. And if I do start to freak out I’ll tell you about it—”

“And I’ll make sure to release you right away,” the princess interrupted, the sincerity in her voice touching her bed-buddy. “As I said before, I do not wish to force you into anything that you are uncomfortable with. I will not do that to you, Jon.”

“And if you’re uncomfortable with me touching you just say,” he replied, looking up at her. “I’ll back off then too.”

“Of course.”

“Alrighty then.”

The two looked away from each other, fidgeting under the blanket. Though she had his permission to do so, Celestia did not touch him. She continued to lie there, hugging her hooves to her chest as if her life depended on it.

Though he was just as nervous as her, Jon was the first to cave in. He slid the hand that he still had on the alicorn’s belly and began to move it upward. His fingers dug into her incredibly warm, amazingly soft coat, parting and teasing the fur. Celestia twitched, her mouth partially opening into a silent gasp.

He could feel her muscles tensing under his touch as his fingers left her belly and moved up to her chest. The fur was longer there, denser. As it grew longer, it began to curl and bunch up like regular hair. For some reason, as he ran his fingers through the mass of fur, he couldn’t help but think of an old middle-aged Italian man with his chest hair sticking out past his nose. The thought caused him to giggle childishly.

The princess stiffened at the sound. “…Jon? Might I ask what is so funny?” quietly asked, just a hint of panic in her voice.

Jon brought his other hand up to the alicorn’s chest and continued to play with her “chest hair”, savoring its warmth and texture against his fingers. “I just thought of something really funny out of nowhere,” he said. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”

Celestia gently frowned, her tail flicking underneath the covers. “If you’re positive…”

“You know, you’re really soft,” Jon murmured, yawning hugely. “Really soft and warm. Kinda like a big, furry dog, except you can talk.” His eyes drooped, forcing him to shake his head. “So, what were you saying about your sister?”

Celestia, feeling the human playing with her tuft, quickly found her courage. Eyeing him carefully, she slowly wrapped a foreleg around him. She tensed, ready to pull it away from him if he showed any signs of discomfort, but all he did was sigh. Releasing the breath that she didn’t realize she had been holding, she smiled once more.

“We were discussing my sister’s dietary habits, yes?” she questioned.

Jon nodded, yawning again. “Yeah, you were saying something about how no pony should be able to eat as many gummy worms in a day as she can,” he replied, his voice calm and even.

Feeling a little braver, the princess began to rub her hoof against his clothed back. “Yes, yes, thank you for reminding me.”

Celestia found herself yawning as Jon’s body heat mingled with hers. She could feel the slight rise and fall of his chest with each breath that he took. His legs—also covered in clothing—brushed against her back legs every moment or so. She could also feel those soft, smooth, nearly hairless hands of his tugging at the fur on her chest.

Instinctively, she pressed herself against him a little more firmly. With each breath that she took she could smell the candles, the pumpkin and the flames. She could also smell him. The shampoo he had used in his hair, the fruity soap he had scrubbed his body with, along with something else that she couldn’t quiet identify.

She could feel her eyes growing heavy, the lack of sleep from the night before rearing its ugly head, but she fought to stay awake. She yawned again, this time having the presence of mind to cover her mouth with a hoof. “Yes… well, as I was saying, I have asked her time and time again to cut back on the sweets. I myself can’t deny that I enjoy a bit of sugar during the day, but even I know when too much is too much.”

Jon’s breathing was slowing down, becoming even and gentle. Whatever little tension that he still carried in his body melted away. He could feel the thump-thump of Celestia’s heart against his chest with each breath that she took. His lack of sleep was beginning to weigh down on him as well. He could feel it tugging at the edges of his being –making his body feel like lead and his eyes so terribly heavy— but still he fought to stay awake.

“The next time that she gets them, pour salt into the bag and shake it up real well,” he whispered, nuzzling his pillow. “The taste will make her pitch ‘em.” He tried to shake his head again but couldn’t quite manage it. “If you keep doing that for a couple of weeks she’ll probably swear ‘em off.”

Celestia failed to comment on his advice, fast asleep. Not a minute later he joined her.

In the corner of the room, Twilight Sparkle couldn’t help but grin to herself excitedly as she continued to scribble on her notepad. “Test One-A has gone as expected,” she murmured, watching the two peacefully snoozing. “Subject One has no reservations about being touched or even cuddled. This, in part, may be the result of Pinkie Pie and her predisposition of surprise bed-aided cuddles. Will have to somehow thank her on a later date.”

She looked down at her notes, frowned, and used her quill to scribble something out. “No, no… I don’t want to positively reinforce her behavior, no matter how useful it was in this situation. Too many ponies already come to me with complaints.”

Fricabis Solis

The darkness that gripped that small, one-window room was absolute. It had outlasted the candles, outlasted Twilight’s night-owlish nature, it outlasted every light in Canterlot, from magical to the old-fashioned oil lamp. Not even the moon dared show its face before this night.

But this was not an oppressive, threatening darkness. No evil beings hid amidst it for some nefarious purpose. This darkness was gentle, almost warm. It embraced all that it touched, not swallowed, much like the tender embrace from a loving mother. In this darkness, one would usually find a peaceful, restful slumber, which is exactly what Jonathan found.

The young man was out like a light. No nightmares haunted him, no worries or fears gripped him. Warmth bathed his body, from the top of his head to the bottom of his heels. The bed that he laid on was one of the most comfortable he had ever known. The pillow that he laid his head upon was firm and soft. There was a comfortable weight on his chest that moved with him with each breath that he took. He felt safe, he felt warm; as he snoozed he could hear the gentle thump-thump of a heart.

But then something changed.

The air around him became electrified. With each breath that he took he could no longer smell pumpkin and vanilla, but ozone. The thump-thump in his ear began to increase in pace and strength. For a few moments, a great weight settled on his entire being; a weight that not only bared down upon his body but his very soul. His heart, trying to compensate for the disturbance, began pumping blood to his extremities with greater force. And with that came a series of consequences.

Jon began to squirm. His grip on whatever he was holding tightened, and his feet began to gently kick back and forth. He began to murmur incoherently, face scrunching up as he was slowly but surely pulled from slumber’s embrace.

And then, as if a switch was thrown, the night began to fade away. The blackness brightened, colors began to come alive. Rays of light poured over the mountaintops. The sole window in the little room became brighter and brighter. Soon, the first ray of sunlight poked through the blinds. Another followed that one, and another, and another, until much of the darkness was chased away and only shadows remained.

A beam of light to the face was the last nail in the coffin for Jonathan. Though he tried with all of his might to stay asleep, wiggling and rolling and covering his face with his hands, sleep fell through his hands like sand.

“God… damn sun. Lemme sleep…”

He cracked open an eye, then the other, blinking the sand and the blurriness from his vision. Mumbling a curse under his breath, he yawned, before burying his face into something soft and warm and closing his eyes again. To his surprise and confusion, a hum tore through the silence of the room as he did this.

Eyes snapping back open, he pulled his face away and picked his head up. That was when he saw it. That mass of white fur, those wings that were wrapped around him, soft, silky, rainbow-colored hair that stood out amongst the whiteness like a mountain of coal in the middle of a snowy plain.

“What the hell…”

His eyes slowly traveled upward. Up that plush, furry, muscular chest, up that thick, strong neck, past all of that hair that seemed to have a mind of its own. They stopped at a delicate, adorable, horsey face, with its smooth, feminine cheekbones and powerful, authoritative jaw. A pair of massive, amethysts eyes, unfocused and half-lidded, stared back at him as he slowly blinked.

That was when it all came back to him. The breakfast, the talking, the crying, those candles that lit up the room in the most particular of ways.

Princess Celestia, Lady of the Sun, Tetrarch of Equestria, smiled down at him as he exhaled explosively, the tension leaving his body. “Good morning, Jon,” she whispered.

It seemed like the two had somewhat changed positions during the night. Celestia not only had a hoof wrapped around him but both of her wings as well. Jon, meanwhile, had both of his arms wrapped around the alicorn’s barrel and had laid himself in such a way that he had as much of himself pressed up against her as possible.

Looking forward, he could see the place where his head had rested in her tuft. When he moved his hands, he noticed that they were nestled on either side of her wing joints. As he moved his feet back and forth, he felt her tail all around his legs. The two of them hadn’t so much embraced each other as almost fused into a mass of feathers and fingers and warmth.

Jon looked down at himself and at the princess. He wiggled around, trying to gauge the situation that he was in. Finally, he looked back up at the princess, smiling as best as he could this early in the morning.

A part of him wanted to get up. He wanted to get up, roll away, and apologize for some reason. But a time-honored rule—that he had staunchly held to since he was out of diapers—prevented him from doing so. That rule was simple: If you were warm and comfortable in a bed, you were obligated to stay in that bed until forced to leave.

He was warm and—while a little surprised—definitely comfortable, so he could not leave. Jon might have been many, many things, but a rule breaker wasn’t one of them.

“Good morning, Celestia,” he whispered back.

As if it had a mind of its own, his left hand began to scratch right under the princess’s wing joint. Celestia’s eyes widened sharply in what might have been surprise. For a moment, Jon thought that he had done something wrong, but this fear was nullified when her smile grew.

“Did you sleep well?” she asked, wiggling back and forth ever-so-slightly.

Jon nodded, scooching a few inches away from the alicorn so that he could get a bit of breathing room. “Yeah. I slept a whole lot better than I thought I would actually,” he admitted, moving his hand downward so that he was scratching her side.

He must have had some discomfort on his face because Celestia frowned. “Would you like to get up, Jon?” she gently asked. “I would be more than happy to release you from my wings if you’re getting uncomfortable.”

To prove that her intentions were nothing but pure, she began to pull the wing on top of him back against her side. Jon’s eyes widened when he felt the warmth leave his back. A chill took its place; a horrible, stinging chill that no man should know before eleven o’clock. Making a face, he once again pressed himself against her.

“Like I said yesterday, I’m fine,” he assured, a shiver running up his back. “Please put your wing back where it was before I freeze to death.”

The princess regarded him for a few moments before a teasing grin graced her lips. “Very well, if you’re positive we can stay here for a little longer...”

The blanket shifted as she once again wrapped her wing around him, bathing his body in warmth. Jon sighed—almost groaned, really—appreciatively as he wiggled his toes back and forth. “Thank you. It’s freezing in this room.”

“The weather team brought in a cold front in preparation for winter just the other day,” Celestia told him. “It’s not quite bad enough that ponies need to bundle themselves up when outside, but it can get a bit chilly in the mornings.”

“No kidding,” Jon murmured, picking his head up and looking around the room.

He could see Twilight in the corner, a blanket wrapped around her body as she sat precariously on her chair. Her notebook was on the floor, open and covered with ink smudges, and her quill was stuck behind her ear, the writing end pointed at the ceiling. Smirking at the sight, he then looked over toward the window.

“Did you raise the sun already?” he asked, letting his hand wander down toward Celestia’s belly.

Celestia’s diaphragm shook as she let out a pleased hum, her back-leg twitching in delight at his touch. “Yes. Though it was a little tricky, I managed to do it from the bed so that I didn’t wake you,” she replied, smiling ruefully. “Though it appears that I’ve failed, since you’re up and talking to me.”

“Eh, don’t worry about it,” Jon said with a yawn. “I usually feel shitty if I sleep all day anyway.”

He once again picked his head up and looked over at Twilight. “I hope that Twi over there wasn’t up all night writing in that notebook of hers.”

Celestia shook her head and sighed. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she fell asleep only a few minutes ago,” she said, beginning to gently run the frog of her hoof up and down his back. “Though I love Twilight like a daughter, she has the horrible habit of jeopardizing her health over the silliest of things. Her research included.”

Twilight, as if she had heard her name being said, let out a horsey snort, her whole body jerking before she went still.

With that, the room fell into a comfortable silence. Jon continued to nuzzle his cheek into his feather pillow and scratch Celestia’s back and side with a hand. Celestia, making sure to do as little as possible so that she didn’t make her bed-buddy feel uncomfortable or threatened in any way, limited herself to rubbing his back with a hoof and holding him tightly within her wings.

The silence went on for a long while before Jon looked back up at the princess and spoke. “Hey… about the whole, hundreds of lovers’ thing…”

Celestia, whose eyes had begun to close as she began to quietly drift back off to sleep, looked down at him. Her brow furrowed for a few moments, as she contemplated what he had said, before a look of unease came to her face. “Yes…?” she asked carefully.

Jon’s mouth twitched. “I don’t know if I’d be able to go through that many people,” he admitted. “Sure, the constant sex would be great at first, but I think that I would get tired of it. If I lived as long as you, I’d probably become a celibate monk after like a hundred years.”

Though there was no hint of mockery or distaste in his voice, Celestia found herself stiffening ever-so-slightly. Looking him over carefully, she pulled her hoof away from his back and tucked it against her chest. “In my younger years, I did grow tired of the pleasures of the flesh,” she admitted, looking away from him. “And for many years after that, I neither thought nor acknowledged any sexual desire in any that I met for a very long time.”

This time, the human smiled. It was a pleasant thing that sat well on his face and put her at ease somewhat. “I bet you got some wild stories,” he mused.

The princess’s ears perked up and a small smile wormed its way onto her face. “I… may have a tale or two. Much of what I did in my younger years shouldn’t be spoken in polite company, however.”

The two chuckled, Jon drumming his fingers against her belly.

“So what’s the deal with wanting a kid so bad anyway?” he asked. “From what you’ve told me, you’ve already led a pretty fantastic life. You climbed the mountaintop, you got the belt, you won the gold medal.” He shrugged. “Having a kid would seem like a real step down to me if I traveled ancient ruins and fought demons made out of sticks and all of that stuff.”

“Yes… it does seem rather regular, doesn’t it?” Celestia asked with a dreamy sigh, her eyes becoming unfocused. “To feel life growing inside of you, to care for another being like no other will, to feel the pain of bringing them to this world.”

Though she looked down at him, she did not see him, lost in another world.

“After you’ve done as much as I have, Jon, wanting something as natural and as… pure as that is as exciting and as desirable as anything that I can think of.”

“So that’s why you’re asking me to do…this?” Jon questioned, waving a hand around the room. “Because it’s something new?”

Celestia’s smile became just a tad bit sad. “No, my little human. I haven’t asked you to consider this because I wish for something new,” she said, leaning down and nuzzling his cheek. “I do it because I wish for something old; as old as time itself.”

Jon twitched in startlement. He could not only feel the fur on her cheek, but her lips as well. He could feel them brush up against the side of his face, could feel her hot, moist breath wash over him with each breath that she took.

“All females can hear the call of nature, Jonathan,” Celestia whispered, her voice twanged with sadness and want. “Commoner or noble; from the mightiest alicorn to the lowliest of earth pony to the dragons on their mountaintops, we can hear it. It wants us to find a mate, wants us to know the feeling of having a child grow in us. It wants us to bear that child, watch them grow and teach them all that we’ve learned.”

She stopped her nuzzling, simply pressing her cheek against his and lightly breathing.

“For far longer than I can remember, I have heard this call. When I was younger, I ignored it and could do so easily, too swept up in my adventures and conquests. But now I am old, Jon.” Celestia sighed, holding him a little tighter. “I am so terribly, terribly old.”

Jon, not knowing what else to do, began to rub her belly. “You don’t look a day over five hundred,” he proclaimed.

Celestia’s mouth twitched and her eyes seemed to light up for just a moment. “Thank you,” she said, nuzzling him again. “But still, I’m not as young as I used to be. Nowhere near as young. Life has slowed down, become less hectic and dangerous and filled with uncertainty. Many of the monsters that ravaged the world long ago are dead or gone. Though there have been some… mishaps recently, there has been relative peace in the land for a very long time.”

Giving him one last little nuzzle, she pulled herself away from him and rested her head on her pillow.

“Things have slowed down for my sister and I. This slowness has given me a chance to think, to dream, to listen to that sweet, alluring call that I had once so steadfastly ignored.”

Jon nodded slowly. “So… you’re becoming an old lady and you want to have a kid before you get even older?” he asked very, very carefully.

To his relief, Celestia chuckled good-naturedly. “I have been an “old lady” long before this kingdom was formed, Jon,” she said. “No, as I’ve said, I wish to experience all of the joys and hardships of being a mother. I wish to feel what mares have felt since the dawn of time.”

“But being a mom sucks,” Jon countered, brow furrowing. “You have to change diapers and clean up piss and vomit. Kids scream all the time, all night long, so you’re not getting a lick of sleep. They’re also germ factories that touch everything that they’re not supposed to, so you’re going to be sick and miserable all of the time along with being tired.”

With each negative consequence that he pointed out, the joy and excitement on Celestia’s face grew and grew until she was nearly glowing.

“Yes, it sounds wonderful, doesn’t it?” she asked with a sigh.

Jon’s eyes narrowed. “If you’re a masochist maybe.”

“As I said, I wish to experience both the good and bad of motherhood. All of it.”

“All of it?”

“Yes.”

“What about if there was something wrong with the kid?”

“Whatever impairment or disability he or she had I would still love them with all of my heart.”

“What about if they’re a little monster growing up? What if they get into everything and cry and scream and throw fits over the stupidest things?”

You might have thought that Jonathan was singing the sweetest of songs onto the princess’s ear from the look that she was giving him.

“I’d like to think that I would do everything in my power to make sure that my child was raised better than that,” she announced, picking her head back up and placing her chin on top of Jon’s head.

He stiffened again, pulling his hand away from her belly. Celestia, still lost in her dreams, didn’t seem to notice. Mussing his hair up with a few purposeful nuzzles, she pulled away so that the tip of her snout was just a few inches from his face. Her mouth was parted slightly, putting her lips on full display.

Jon found his gaze lingering on those lips for far too long. Though he hadn’t the faintest idea why, his heart began to race.

Soft lips. Kissable lips. Lips that looked so familiar yet so different in the best of ways.

His eyes widened as he began to have thoughts. Thoughts that he had been having more and more regularly these past couple of months, much to his concern. They were thoughts that sent warning signals off in his head, but not as many as there could—and perhaps should—have been. And that made him nervous. Very nervous.

“What about if the kid was some kind of hybrid?” he demanded quietly, wrenching his gaze back to those big amethyst eyes staring down at him. “What if it had your head and my body? Or what if it had my head and your body? What if it couldn’t walk or talk? What if we made some kind of monster? Some freak?”

Celestia inched slowly downward, her eyes trained on his.

“As I said, I would love them with all of my heart. No matter what they looked like, how they acted, or what other ponies thought of them,” she said, the steel in her voice sending chills up his spine. Those lips came closer; so close that all he needed to do was lift his head up and he’d feel them. Taste them. “Nor would I care what ponies thought of my new pri—”

Jon’s eyes widened comically. “Bathroom!” he suddenly said, rolling out from in between Celestia’s wings. “I gotta use the bathroom.”

He could feel the princess’s eyes on him as he threw off the blanket, leapt from the bed, and marched over to the bathroom like a man possessed. He did his best to ignore it however, stretching his arms out nice and wide in what might have resembled a causal stretch if not for how jerky and forced it looked.

“Hey, how about we both go and get something to eat?” he asked, looking over at the still-sleeping Twilight. “That way we’ll be able to let that one rest for a while before she has us doing whatever she wants us to do next.”

Gathering up his courage— what little of that there was—he looked over his shoulder and at the bed. Celestia was lying exactly as she had been, her hooves outstretched and her head bent forward and her lips parted. There was now worry in those eyes of hers, however. Fear and worry and just a bit of regret.

She slowly picked her head up and looked at him. “Jonathan, I didn’t make you uncomfortable, did I?” she asked. “Because if I did, know that I—”

“No, no, no! It’s not anything like that,” the human protested, his voice cracking as it rose in pitch. “I’m fine, I’m fine. I was just getting a little antsy from lying in the bed for too long is all.”

His eyes began to drop from Celestia’s, down to those feminine cheeks and that powerful jaw, then tracing back up to those firm, soft lips. Realizing that he was staring, he shook his head like a dog, worry mixing in this his anxiousness.

“That and I actually really want to get something to eat!” he said a little too loudly, a forced smile coming to his face. “So don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. I should have lip—told you about it sooner.”

Though it didn’t look like she believed him, Celestia nodded all the same. “Very well, I shall ready myself and the two of us can go to the kitchens to get something to eat,” she said with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

Jon bit his lip. He opened his mouth to say something, but immediately closed it. “Yeah, we can keep talking like we were last night while we’re eating,” he said as he mentally kicked himself. “I mean, if you want to.”

Celestia nodded. “I would like that very much,” she told him, sitting up with her rear-legs tucked against her chest.

“Great. You go ahead and get dressed and I’ll use the bathroom real quick, then we can go.”

“I will wait here for you when you are finished.”

Resisting the urge to walk over and slam his head against the wall until one of them broke, Jon forced his smile to widen. “Great! I’ll be out in a second!”

Without waiting for an answer, he rushed over to the bathroom and closed the door behind himself as quickly as he could without slamming it.

Celestia, terrified that she had just overstepped her boundaries, let out a sigh. “Oh horse apples…” she quietly cursed. She then looked down at the bed, sighing dejectedly.

She could hear Jonathan pacing back and forth in the bathroom. He was muttering to himself, his feet pitter-pattering against the tiled floors. Celestia might not have been able to hear everything that he said, but she could hear bits and pieces.

“What the hell… Why would I… Every time I…”

A groan came from within the bathroom, which was immediately followed by something being thrown. A second later, the bathroom door was thrown open and Jon stepped outside.

His eyes were slightly wild and his hair looked like he had tried to run his fingers through it, only to give up halfway. He was staring at the princess hard, as if he was going to start shouting.

“You know, it took me six months to realize that you guys were people?” he blurted out, barely giving her a chance to look up at him and register his appearance. “I don’t mean that I didn’t know you were people, you’d have to be a dummy not to know that. I mean, I realized that you guys had jobs and family lives and businesses and mortgages. People-people stuff.”

Taking deep breaths through his nose, he began to pace the room.

“Back when I first got here, most of you guys just looked like a bunch of furry dogs to me. A lot of you were—and still are—really adorable, and I really wanted to pick you all up and pet you and baby-talk you guys whenever I saw one of you.” He began to wring his hands. “And I know that that wasn’t fair. Just because most of you look adorable doesn’t mean that I should treat you like that. You guys build businesses, you have a government, you throw parties. You aren’t animals, you’re people like me. I’ve realized that, and I’ve been doing my best to stop thinking like that.”

He stopped a moment and snorted, as if recalling something, before he began pacing again. “There’s been a couple of hiccups, more than a couple actually, but I like to think that I’ve done a pretty good job in that department.”

He walked until he was a few inches from the wall. Without missing a beat, he spun around on one heel and began making his way past Twilight.

“Lord knows what you guys first thought of me when I landed in that swimming pool,” he continued, so quietly that it was almost like he was talking to himself. “You all probably thought that I was some giant, hulking, ugly monster with weird, gangly arms. A couple of you probably thought that I was going to go on a rampage or eat one of you or some shit.” He snorted, as if the thought was so outlandish as to be humorous. “But even still, you all helped me out when I was scared and alone and didn’t know what was what. Even though I’m so different from all of you, I have pony friends and a pony employs me. Hell, on Thursdays, I go and play bingo and get drunk with a bunch of elderly ponies.”

Jon wrung his hands with greater force, rubbing a thumb over his fingernails. “Even though you all had every right to chase me into the woods or mount my head over a fireplace, you didn’t. Most of you didn’t see a monster. A lot of you didn’t even see me as someone all that different from you.” His brow furrowed as he looked down at his feet. “From almost the get-go, you saw me as a person.”

Walking by Twilight, he reached out and booped the mare’s nose. Twilight snorted, her body lurching forward and her wings popping to full extension before they settled back against her sides.

“The books are made of ice cream,” the mare mumbled, before going still. “Ice cream and hayburgers…”

Jon, regarding the purple alicorn for a few moments, shook his head and continued walking. “And that’s a really great thing. I wish people back home were as accepting as you guys. I wish I was as accepting as you guys.”

Celestia, her ears perking up, sat up in the bed a little straighter. “Jon, I—”

“Just, let me finish my thought please,” he interrupted, raising a hand as he looked at her pleadingly. “I know that I’m rambling, and I know that I probably sound like a nutjob, but there’s a point here. Really. I promise.”

Taking a deep breath, the princess made herself comfortable and motioned for him to continue, which he did gladly.

“Now that I’ve kind of gotten past the whole ‘you’re-all-alien-dogs-and-I-want-to-pet-you’ thing, I can see it in all of you. The way that you move, when you laugh, when you all smile or yell at each other or at me. I can see the humanity in you. Some of you are so much like the people I left behind that it drives me crazy.” He stopped in front of Twilight. “Look at this one. I knew a guy that would sleep exactly like this. Her facial expression is the same and everything. Right down to the fucking drool going down her lip.” Reaching up, he gently placed his hand against her cheek, using a thumb to wipe said drool away. “You guys are so, so human that I can’t believe it. And that goes for everyone, you and Twi and Pank and everyone back in town. Everyone.”

Jon sucked in a lungful of air, holding it in for a few seconds before releasing it with an explosive sigh. “Everywhere I look I can see it,” he said, almost whispering, as he shrank into himself. “There’s a flash of human with each time that I look at any of you. I can almost imagine seeing Twilight here as some chubby little girl and you as some smoking hot babe that could get any guy that she wanted. But I can also see the—” he waved his arms around vaguely. “—the pony parts of you.”

He began to fiddle with his hands again, looking down at them with a frown. “I always see the pony parts when one of you guys puts your head in my lap and wants me to run my fingers through your manes. I see that part when you guys hug me or nuzzle me and all of that shit.” He turned toward her, a thousand emotions running across his face. “But when one of you gives me that “come hither” look or tries to flirt, or when someone flicks their tail out of the way and I see… you know, I still see your pony side, but I can also see the human part.”

He looked down at the princess’s mouth for a few moments before his gaze flicked back up to her face. He took a half-step toward her, then another.

“At first, I was really freaked out when I saw things like that; when you guys showed me that you’re people-people, or pony-people, or whatever the hell you want to call it. The longer that I stay here though, I get less and less bothered by it. I’m starting to stop seeing it as seeing the pony-person part of you and more as the people-people part of you. Tail and hooves and all.”

Jon took a few more steps toward her, until he was standing a foot or two away from the bed. Anxiousness began to show in his features. “Does that make sense? I hope it at least makes a little bit of sense to you, because I’m thinking about what I just said and…” he trailed off for a few seconds before groaning, covering his face with his hands.

Celestia looked him up and down carefully, her face an emotionless mask. She then took a deep breath. “Jonathan, come here,” she said, gently but firmly, beckoning him with a wing.

Jon, his hands still covering his face, took the last few steps toward the bed, spun around, and sat down with a sigh. Without missing a beat, the princess wrapped a wing around his shoulder.

“…I mean, I might be dumb but I’m not stupid. I’m starting to see what you guys see. There’s bare asses around me all way, and some of them are just so fucking… when I squint I think I’m ogling some cute girl walking down the street instead of some unicorn or earth pony.”

As he continued to ramble nonsensically, letting his hands fall from his face and into his lap, Celestia leaned him towards her, pressing his cheek against her chest. Jon barely seemed to notice it, staring hard at the ground.

“The warning signals still go off. They still tell me that I’m looking at a four-foot tall, colorful little horse’s ass, but those signals are starting to get quieter and quieter, and sometimes I don’t even…” He groaned again, the noise making Twilight twitch in her sleep.

Grimacing as if he were in pain, he looked up at her. “…I’m sorry for blowing up on you like this, Celestia,” he mumbled, his toes digging into the carpet beneath. “I’m always such a bitch in the mornings and—”

“There is nothing to apologize for,” Jonathan,” she said firmly. She reached down and grabbed his hand with her hoof, giving it a squeeze. “You’ve obviously been holding all of… that within yourself for a while now.”

Jon shrugged, looking over at Twilight. “I was just thinking, since we may or may not… become better friends in the near future, that telling you this might… do something?” He sighed again, slumping down. “It might show you why I’m a little flaky on this? Maybe it’s just to show you that I’m some fucking spaz that shouldn’t have kids.” He softly snorted. “I don’t even know anymore. It’s just that you and Twi talking to me about… you know, is making me think really hard about it.”

He sighed. “I’ve kinda been thinking about it already, what with a couple mares in town asking me out and stuff. I know that I’ve been telling them no, but I don’t know if that’s just because I don’t want to go out with them or if it’s because I don’t think that I should…”

Celestia’s grip on his shoulder tightened as he went quiet. “I’m honored that you’d confide something like this to me, Jon,” she said, almost sounding grateful. “It must not have been easy to come out of that bathroom and tell me all of this, jumbled and confused though it was.”

Jon snorted again. “I’m telling you, I probably blurted all of that shit out because it’s early in the morning and I haven’t had any breakfast or coffee yet.”

The princess gave his hand another squeeze. “There is nothing wrong with being afraid of the new and unfamiliar, Jon,” she said quietly. “It is only natural for you to feel like you do, and Harmony only knows how I would react if I were in your situation.”

“If you were in my world some nut-job would have probably cut you into pieces to see how you worked. Or if you were particularly unlucky, someone might have tried to eat you.”

Celestia, her nose scrunching up ever-so-slightly, gave him a nudge. “That being said, you shouldn’t run away from these feelings, Jon,” she advised. “Confront them, sort them out, and, if you can, overcome and understand them.” She then smiled ruefully. “Trust me when I say that nothing good comes from running away from or ignoring your emotions.”

For a long while, Jonathan didn’t say a thing. He continued to look over at Twilight, his eyes narrowed and thoughtful. But, after nearly ten minutes of silence, he slowly looked up at the princess.

“…I think that it’s like a muscle that I need to exercise,” he told her thoughtfully. “The ‘ponies-can-be-attractive-and-I-kind-of-like some-of-their-butt’s’ thing, I mean. If I just sat down and talked with someone long enough, I think it wouldn’t be all that bad. I think. Maybe. At least, I don’t think that it would make it any worse.”

Celestia gave him a look. “Well, we’re both sitting,” she began. “And I’m more than happy to listen to anything that you wish to tell me…”

Again, Jon was quiet, mulling things over in his mind. After about a minute of this he looked up at the princess. “Do you remember telling me that your sexual escapades shouldn’t be said aloud to anyone?”

Celestia nodded. “I recall saying that, yes.”

Jon nodded in turn. “Well, not to sound pushy or anything, but I’d like to hear a couple of them, if you wouldn’t mind,” he said, moving himself so that he was properly looking at her.

Celestia looked down at him for several seconds, an eyebrow raised, before a smile came to herself. “Very well, but just remember my warning.”

Jon chuckled. It was a weak thing, bogged down with emotion and cracking from stress, but a chuckle all the same. “I’m not telling you to go all-out on me right out of the gate. You can ease into it. Maybe you start with how you and a full grown, hundred-foot tall dragon got it on in a bit better detail, since I’m still kind of interested about it. You know, for academic purposes.”

Da Solis

The next few days were a haze for the human and the two princesses.

Under Twilight’s watchful supervision, the two became better acquainted with each other. Their conversations slowly but surely became more personal, switching from things like the weather and funny stories about their families to their fears, what brought them happiness, their hopes and dreams and the things that they were good at.

To Twilight’s pleasant surprise, it seemed like the two of them were destined to be friends. They both had a great fondness for sweets, and their sense of humor was nearly identical. More than once she’d wake up in the middle of the night to find that the two of them had snuck off to the kitchens to get something to eat. Other times, she’d find them roaming the halls in search of some poor soul to prank.

The two reveled in joke-telling and reading and naps under the sun. Jon, oddly enough, had a fondness for penmanship that the purple princess hadn’t even known about until the subject had somehow come up, while the princess was a diehard hoofball fan. Jon was also ambidextrous, and Celestia could use her wings in ways that Twilight had never seen.

As they learned more and more about each other, Twilight put this knowledge to work. She spun and she weaved everything that she could. She set up exercises designed to bring the two closer together. Whenever the two were in the same room she made sure that they were sitting close to each other. She also had them talking. Constantly.

Soon, both Jonathan and Celestia found themselves becoming rather fond of each other. A friendship began to form and grow. The tense awkwardness that had lingered between them since the princess had made her offer vanished without a trace. They began to joke with each other, play and laugh as real, true, good friends did.

There was a hiccup here and there—there was a mishap when Jon had been using the shower and Celestia had been a little too descriptive when telling one of her tales of sexual debauchery— but they were getting along swimmingly; far better than any of them expected. And it was because of this that Twilight decided to proceed to the next step.

“Alrighty! Tonight, I want to try an exercise that I think will be very beneficial for the two of you,” Twilight chirped, quill and notepad at the ready.

Both Jon and Celestia, who were sitting side-by-side on the bed, exchanged glances before looking over at her.

“Try an exercise? What the hell are you talking about, Twi?” Jon questioned as he ran a hand through his hair. “It’s too dark to be running around.”

As if a switch was flipped, Twilight’s smile turned into a frown. “I don’t mean that kind of exercise!” she snapped.

“And what about you, missy?” the young man continued, acting as if he hadn’t heard her. “Are you just going to stand and watch us do these exercises, or are you going to get off your purple butt and work up a sweat?”

“Jon, I swear to Harmony, I will—”

“Because someone needs to start running off all of those hayburgers. Tubby.”

Celestia couldn’t quite hold back a snort as the two had a bit of a stare-down; Jon, the picture of innocence, and Twilight, the picture or irritation and bemusement.

“Jon…” she said chastised, though amusement was very clear in her tone.

Jon’s lips twitched, but he mostly managed to keep a straight face. “What? I’m just saying that if you wanted us running around it would have been better--”

“Jon,” Twilight growled, eyes narrowing down to slits.

This time, Jon couldn’t quite keep the smile from his lips. “Alright, alright. I get it, I get it,” he assured, raising his hands up defensively. “I’m sorry for twisting your teats. Go ahead and give us the lesson for today, Ms. Dean, President, Madam Sparkle.”

Glaring at him for a few seconds more, Twilight shook her head and looked down at her notes, muttering something about stallions under her breath as she did so. Flipping through a few pages, she looked back up at the two and cleared her throat.

“Okay. Now, as I was saying, before I was interrupted—”

“Hey, you weren’t being specific on what kind of exercise we were doing. Don’t blame me for wanting you to specify.”

Twilight’s nose scrunched up, but for the most part she ignored him. “I’d like the two of you to try a very simple, but in my opinion helpful, exercise today.” She turned the page, her eyes scanning the paper. “To get to the second stage in the pyramid of affection, two parties have to be attracted to each other, be it physically or otherwise.”

Dipping her quill into an ink pot, Twilight began to write on the page. She mumbled something under her breath, turning the page before smiling and looking back up at them.

“So, for today, I want the two of you to list off the things that you find attractive about each other.”

The room was completely silent as Celestia and Jon once again exchanged glances.

“List what we find attractive about the other?” Celestia parroted, brow furrowing.

Twilight nodded. “Yes. Finding something desirable in a would-be partner is very important in building a relationship past the ‘just friends’ stage.”

Jon hummed thoughtfully before nodding. “…Yeah, that doesn’t sound too bad,” he admitted, looking up at the big princess beside him. “I could do that, but don’t expect me to Shakespeare it up or anything.”

Twilight’s brow furrowed. “…Shakespeare?” she questioned.

Slumping down onto the bed, Jon just sighed. “Don’t worry about it,” he said with a defeated wave of the hand. “Just another human thing.”

Celestia, though she didn’t understand the reference, still understood what he was getting at. And since she knew what he was getting at, she decided to have a little fun.

“If Jonathan is alright with it then I have no qualms about it either,” she said, solemn and deadly serious. “Though, I’m afraid that we will be here for a while if I’m to list off all of the things that I find attractive in this lord amongst lords.”

While such a statement would have made Jonathan stiffen a few days prior, now all it did was make him roll his eyes. “Yeah, I’m sure,” he joked, nudging her side.

“It would take days to describe my little human’s beauty to you, Twilight,” Celestia continued, placing a hoof above her heart. “His is a loveliness that only comes along once a century—”

“Shut up.”

“—Nay, once in an age!” She sighed sadly, tucking her chin against her chest. “I fear that I do not have the skill with words needed to properly convey to you what my heart sings to me each time that I am blessed enough for him to grace me with his presence.” Bringing her hoof to her forehead, she began to swoon, purposefully bouncing off Jon as she moved back and forth. “His eyes outshine the greatest of my sister’s stars. No jewel or gem can compare to his smile. There is no sound that compares to the sweetness of his voice.” She sighed again, falling sideways into Jon’s lap, her hoof still rested on her forehead as her mane spilled over his legs. “The maker herself weeps that she will never craft another masterpiece such as him.”

Though Jon was giving the princess the deadest of deadpan looks, the tips of his ears were just a bit pink. “Thy shirts are a’ fluttering, my lady,” he said, booping the grinning alicorn on the nose. “Now roust thyself, rapscallion.”

Twilight, hiding a grin behind her notepad, slowly shook her head. “Jon, why don’t you go ahead first?” she suggested. “You’ll say something you like about the princess and then she can say something she likes about you, and so on and so forth.”

Jon booped Celestia even harder, causing her to giggle and stick her tongue out at him. “Let’s see,” he muttered to himself, eyes narrowing in thought. “Well, I think that the princess has a very nice voice.”

Celestia, smiling, reached up and booped him back. “Thank you very much, Jonathan,” she said. “I think that you have very lovely eyes.”

Jon shrugged. “I might have lovely eyes, but mine don’t glow in the dark like yours do.”

“You haven’t seen your eyes in the moonlight, my lord,” the princess countered. “As I said before, they outshine the stars themselves.”

Jon, guffawing, made sure to flick her nose. “Well, I think your mane is really cool.” He ran his fingers through said mane, watching as the hair floated around his fingers. “I don’t know how you make it move like this, but you should really teach Twi over there how to do it.”

“If she was willing to learn, I’d be more than happy to teach her. Though, she’d need to grow her mane out a bit more,” Celestia said, picking her head up from Jon’s lap to look over at Twilight. “What do you say, my old student? Would you like to learn?”

Twilight perked up at the mention of learning. “I’d love--!”

Before she could leap up from the chair for a magic lesson, she remembered that they were in the middle of something. Something very important. More important than learning new spells even. So, with that thought in mind, she quickly cleared her throat and sat back down in her chair. No matter how hard she tried, however, she couldn’t quite keep the disappointment from her face.

“Maybe later,” she said professionally, looking back down and scribbling something on her notepad. “Jon? It’s your turn.”

The human let out a puff of air through his mouth. “I like how soft your fur is,” he said after a moment. “And your wings are really soft and really pretty.”

Celestia giggled. “I believe that that is more than one thing, my little human,” she teased, her cheeks beginning to take on a pink hue.

Jon booped her again. “I’m just trying to get all of the easy ones out of the way,” he announced. “We’re going to be here all day otherwise.”

“I see,” Celestia answered, her tail slapping against the side of the bed as she looked up at him. “Well, in that case, I rather enjoy your fingers, your smile is an utter joy to see, and it tickles me to no end that you are taller than me.”

“It tickles you that I’m taller than you?” Jon questioned, eyebrow raised. “Why?”

Nuzzling her head into his lap to make herself more comfortable, the princess sighed. “If you had not noticed, Jon, I am quite a bit taller than most ponies. To speak frankly, I’m quite a bit taller than most other races by a significant margin. This makes it very hard to find a mate that I don’t have to lean down to kiss or nuzzle,” she explained.

“Most dragons are a lot bigger than you,” Jon said off-handedly.

Celestia opened her mouth to say something, but immediately closed it. Her muzzle scrunched up and her eyes narrowed. “I don’t know why you found that so funny,” she muttered.

“You were almost drowned in cum by a dragon. How can’t I find that funny?”

A small frown came to the princess’s face as she booped him again. “I did not find it funny at the time, and I don’t find it very funny now,” she said. “It took weeks to get it all out of my coat, and its smell clung to me for decades.”

Jon chuckled at the disgust in her voice. “Come on, you don’t think the whole story is a little funny now, looking back?” he asked

Celestia, without hesitation, shook her head. “No I do not,” she firmly responded, a shiver running up her spine.

“Not even a little?”

“There is a reason why I only mated with two dragons, Jonathan.”

“You did jerk off two of ‘em though, so it wasn’t—”

Twilight loudly cleared her throat, her face as red as a tomato. “I’d very much appreciate it if we stayed on topic please,” she said, tapping her quill against the top of her notepad. “Please. Jon, it’s your turn again.”

“Well… I think that Celestia herself is a pretty great person,” he said. “She’s been through a lot, and a lot of really bad and shitty things have happened to her, but even after all of it she’s this great, amazing mare that everyone loves to bits.” His grin morphed from mischievous to heartfelt. “It’s really inspiring, you know?”

Celestia’s smile came roaring back to her face. “You are not much different than I, Jon,” she said. “Despite the fact that you have lost so much in your young life, you have not become beaten or bitter. You’ve rebuilt, adapted, made a home for yourself here. I don’t know many that would be able to boast the same if they found themselves in your position.”

Jon stopped running his fingers through her flowing mane. A far-off, almost sad look came to his eyes before he closed them. Then, taking a deep breath, he reopened them.

“I wouldn’t be the person that I am right now without the help of a very special little horse,” he told her sincerely. “If she hadn’t been there for me in the beginning, helping me get back on my feet, helping me make friends, get a job, and a million other things, I don’t think I would have made it.”

Though Twilight didn’t look up from her notes, a very noticeable blush exploded across her face and crept down her neck.

“There is a reason why we ponies so firmly hold onto the belief that friendship is magic, Jonathan,” Celestia—her eyes shining—said as she picked her head up from his lap and sat up.

Her wings ruffled against her sides as she hopped out of the bed and began to stretch her legs. “Now, I believe that it is my turn yet again, yes?” she asked with a hum, looking him up and down. “Let’s see… I find your small nose adorable, and your ears are some of the oddest that I have ever seen,” she told him. “In fact, your whole face is deserving of note. Delicate yet strong, flat yet not too much so, with a jawline that catches the eye.” Her tail flicked as her eyes narrowed. “Not a pony, or a gryphon, or a yak; not anything truly. Twilight has described your features as almost apeish—”

Without missing a beat, Jon looked over at Twilight with a less than friendly expression on his face. Twilight, her ears pinned against her skull, cowered behind her notepad.

“—but I must respectfully disagree.” She took a step toward him “Your jawline is sharper; your expressions are softer and have more feeling in them than an ape.” Another step. “While the body of a gorilla or a chimpanzee is compact or stout, yours is proportionally symmetrical. Everything from your arms to your legs to your hands are perfectly sized for your body.” Another step, then another. “I may find your feet a little odd, and it is a true shame that your kind do not have tails since I believe that you’d looked absolutely perfect with one, but those are only minor grievances.”

With a few more steps, Celestia was standing not six inches away from him, her gaze calculating and thoughtful. She was looking him up and down once more, almost as if she were trying to peel back the layers of clothing to see what was hidden underneath. Jon, finding himself reddening under the intense gaze, had to resist the urge to cover himself with his hands.

“You are exotic yet familiar, natural yet unnatural, alien in every sense of the word if it was used in a positive light. Your face, your body, the way that you talk to the way that you carry yourself, all of it is pleasing to the eye and a pleasure to witness, though that may just be my preference.” Taking a deep breath, the princess sat on her haunches and gave him her brightest smile. “You are a very fine looking young man, Jonathan. Perhaps one of the better-looking bipeds that I have met in a very long while, and that is the truth.”

If Jon was red-faced before, now he was an inferno. His face, his neck, his ears, even most of his chest was red. He was blushing so hard, in fact, that his body had been forced to suck the blood from his extremities, leaving his toes and fingertips tingly.

“I, am, well,” he babbled, honestly not knowing what to say. “That’s really, I mean, it was awfully…”

Celestia beamed as he trailed off, getting up and hopping back into the bed beside him. “While I could have gone on, for the sake of Twilight and her writing I decided to keep it short,” she teased as he shied away from her. “Now, I believe that it’s your turn, my lord.”

It took a few moments for Jon to collect himself, but eventually his face was no longer on fire and he could no longer hear the blood rushing through his ears. He took a deep, slightly shaky breath and climbed to his feet.

“A-Alrighty then,” he murmured, taking a few steps away from the princess before turning around and looking at her. “That’s going to be a little hard to beat, but I’ll do my best.”

As the princess had done before him, Jonathan looked Celestia over carefully. His gaze traveled over her body. From the spiraled horn atop her head down to the tail resting against her rump. He drank in every curve, every muscle, every little bump and loose feather and imperfection. It was only then, when he had stared at every inch of her, did he look back into those big amethyst eyes.

Licking his dry lips, he cleared and throat and began. “Well… You’re an awful lot bigger than pretty much all of your subjects—just like you said—and because of it you seem a little more… shapely?” He looked over at Twilight. “Ponies like Twilight here are stocky, pudgy—”

“Hey!”

“—both the mares and the stallions have that same little gut, those same thick, stubby legs, that little neck, and pretty much the same facial features. When I first met some of the ponies in Ponyville, I had to listen to their voices to see if they were guys or girls, because I honestly couldn’t tell.” He began to rub his hands together, his eyes still wandering over Celestia. “But you’re spaced out a little better. Your legs are longer, thinner, and so is your neck.”

Twilight peered over her notepad, giving Jon a glare that could melt steel. He didn’t even notice it, being so focused on the princess.

“With you, I could instantly tell that you were a gir—er, a mare. I could see it in your face, in how your body curves; how delicate your face is, how your ass—” Catching himself, he quickly coughed into his hand. “I mean, your lips are really—” This time, he pounded a fist against his chest as he coughed. “What I mean to say is that you look like a female. A pretty, curvy female.”

Celestia had to stifle a laugh as he took another step toward her.

“I like the color of your fur and I like how soft it is. You’re also very warm, which makes you one hell of a bed-buddy. Your wings are also the biggest and most beautiful that I have ever seen, and they actually feel really nice when they’re wrapped around me.”

Twilight, frowning even harder, looked down at her wings self-consciously. Celestia, her chest puffing out at the praise, gave her own wings a half-flap before folding them against her sides.

Sucking in a lungful of air, Jon looked away from the princess. “…I think I’m done,” he announced with a dismissive wave of the hand. “It wasn’t as good as yours, but that’s all I got.” Making his way over to the bed, he sat back down. “Do you have anything else, my lady?”

Though she wanted nothing more than to wrap her wings around him, Celestia refrained. “No, I believe that I’ve said all that I needed to say,” she declared with a shake of her head, wiggling around to make herself comfortable.

Jon nodded, twiddling his thumbs. “Great,” he said, before adding, “And thanks for the complements. They were… nice to hear. Really.”

This time, she couldn’t quite hold back her laughter. “Thank you as well, my little human,” she said, leaning over and nuzzling his brow. “It’s nice to hear that someone still finds this old mare somewhat attractive.”

Twilight, carefully watching them interact, continued to write in her notepad. “Very good, you two,” she chirped just a little too loudly, making the two of them jump. “I can already tell that this was a good idea. We should continue doing this another day.” Without looking up from her notes, she waved a hoof in their direction. “Now, since we’ve completed this exercise, why don’t the two of you spend a few minutes holding each other’s hooves?”

Both Celestia and Jon exchanged glances for a third time.

“Hold hooves?” Jon asked.

Twilight waved her hoof again, this time dismissively. “You know what I mean,” she said. “You hold her hoof and she’ll hold your hand.”

“I got that,” Jon retorted, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. “What I’m not too clear on is why”

Looking up from her notes, the purple princess raised an eyebrow. “Contact between two ponies is just as important to building a relationship as talking is, Jon,” she said, matter-of-factly. “The two of you just poured your hearts out to each other. A little contact will be good for the two of you.”

Jon’s eyes narrowed to slits. “Are you sure that this isn’t just some weird thing?” he asked.

Twilight frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I think you know what I mean.”

“I wouldn’t be asking you what you meant if I knew.”

Mouth setting to a thin line, Jon leaned toward her. “Is this handholding thing some weird fetish of yours?” he asked. “Are you gonna get off to it?”

Twilight nearly dropped her notepad. “W-What?!” she squeaked, her eyes widening.

Jon, shaking his head, looked over at Celestia with a look of disgust. “Princess, I think your old student is up to some debauchery,” he said, tsking.

To both Twilight’s surprise and horror, Celestia frowned. “It appears so, Jonathan,” she said gravely. “Hoofholding? While another pony watches?” She shook her head. “I’m surprised at you, Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight, nearly falling out of her chair, quickly sat up straight. “I’m just g-going along with what the notes tell me!” she protested loudly. “I do not have a fetish for something silly like hoofholding!”

“Sounds like it to me,” Jon remarked, folding his arms across his chest. “You pervert.”

“Yes, it does, doesn’t it?” Celestia added, shaking her head. “I hadn’t the foggiest idea that your interests lied in… amusements such as this.”

“It’s not— I mean I don’t—!” Twilight sputtered, nearly throwing her notepad. “I’m just doing what it says in the—”

She trailed off when she saw grins coming to her hecklers faces. Her eyes widened in realization. Her shock was so great at her revelation, in fact, that she let her notepad fall to her lap. “You were just…” Puffing out her cheeks, she quickly frowned, leaning back against her chair and crossing her forelegs. “Oh, buck the two of you.”

Laughter immediately rang throughout the room as both Jon and Celestia chuckled to their heart's content, leaning against each other for support. There weren’t quite tears streaming down their faces, but their merriment was loud enough that it could have been heard down the hall. Twilight simply sat there, a frown on her face as they laughed loud and long.

Her face contorted into a pout. Her muzzle scrunched up in indignation. She puffed her little chest out as she let out a huff, the picture of outrage and scandal. And still the two laughed.

“You should have seen the look on your face!” Jon said with a giggle, after their mirth had died down somewhat. “Oh, if I could have taken a picture I would have been able to die a happy man.”

“Yeah, yeah, you laugh it up,” Twilight sourly muttered, giving him the stink eye. “Just don’t be surprised when you wake up blue tomorrow…”

“Oh come now, Twilight, it was just a bit of fun,” Celestia said, her voice still rich with laughter. “You know that we meant nothing by it.”

“Yeah, we were just teasing you, you big purple baby,” the human reassured.

Twilight, unaffected by their words, continued to be grumpy and not at all amused. She even went so far as to stick her tongue out at them. “You still shouldn’t hav—”

All at once, she stopped, her eyes widening as she looked over at the two. Then, for seemingly no reason, a smile—sly and sinister—lowly spread across her face.

Both Celestia and Jon, for reasons that they couldn’t fully understand, began to shift uneasily as she leaned forward in her chair. The royal bookworm seemed to pick up on this unease, her smile widening.

“You can make fun of me all you want, but the point is kind of moot when you’re being “lewd” yourselves,” she smugly sing-songed, nudging her head toward their laps.

Both the human and the alicorn, confused as to what she meant, looked down to see their limbs intertwined. Celestia’s hoof was wrapped around Jon’s hand. Jon’s fingers were firmly wrapped around said hoof, his thumb tracing the hoof’s frog. Somehow, without the two of them knowing, they had begun holding hands/hooves.

“Celestia and Jon sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G,” Twilight childishly sung as they stiffened in surprise.

“When in the hell?” Jon muttered, more confused than anything. “When did this happen?”

Celestia’s hoof was nowhere near like the horses or ponies back home, he noticed after a moment. It wasn’t the mass of cold, hard keratin that he had seen at fairs and the occasional rodeo that his friends had dragged him to a lifetime ago. This hoof was warm to the touch. It was softer, almost skin-like, and it was able to envelope his hand with ease.

Ignoring Twilight as she continued to sing about trees and marriage and baby carriages, he let his fingers roam over the hoof, his curiosity getting the better of him.

This wasn’t the first time that a pony had touched him with a hoof. In fact, ponies almost went out of their way to use their hooves to play with his hands for some reason or another. But this was the first time that he had sat down and really looked at one.

Here was a flat, fingerless appendage that could grab things with a dexterity that was sometimes better than his own. Sure, he might have them beat in more delicate activities, but just for something like this to grab an object, pick it up and move it, was incredible.

It was a hoof yet not a hoof. A hand with invisible fingers. A hand that could hold his just as well as any man or woman could.

Jon looked back up at the princess, realizing that Twilight had ceased her incessant teasing and the room was quiet. Celestia was looking down at him quizzically, an eyebrow raised.

Once again, his gaze drank in her expressive face. Those big, breathtaking eyes. Those soft, supple, human-like lips. Those cheeks, that jaw, those ears, her horn.

A face that looked so human yet so alien at the same time. A different face. An strong, wise, and majestic face. A face that he was becoming rather fond of.

Without realizing it, his grip on her hoof tightened.

Celestia’s eyebrow raised a little higher. “Is everything alright, Jonathan?” she asked in concern.

Hearing his name being said, Jon jumped, though his hand didn’t leave her hoof. “I, um, well, I--” he sputtered, eyes widening. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Everything’s fine. I was just, uh, lost in thought for a second…”

Celestia gave his hand a little squeeze, nearly causing him to jump up into the ceiling. He could almost feel the fingers across the back of his hand.

“Jon, are you okay?” Twilight asked, sounding just as concerned as her old mentor.

Celestia’s ears pinned back against her skull. Thinking that she was making him uncomfortable, she tried to pull her hoof out Jon’s hand, an apology at the ready. She was surprised, however, when her hoof only managed to leave his hand for a moment before he grabbed it and pulled it against it chest.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” he said insistently, sincerely, his head snapping back and forth between the two before he looked down. “I was just noticing how much your hoof felt like a hand, Celestia.” He forced himself to look back up at her, smiling. “I don’t know. I guess… I’ve just never noticed it before.”

Celestia’s worried expression became a hopeful one. “So the hoofholding isn’t...?”

Jon’s smile widened. “I guess that I’m just as much as a deviant as Twi is over there,” he joked, trying to ignore his rapidly beating heart. “Because I don’t have any problem holding your hoof like this.”

The princess stared down at him for nearly a minute before she could restrain herself no longer. She extended a wing, wrapping it around him and pulling him against her. Though Jon’s eyes widened at the sudden manhandling, he didn’t make a single sound of protest as their sides touched and his head found a home against her chest.

“I suppose that I must admit my deviousness also,” she said, nuzzling the top of his head as her wing encased him. Though Jon couldn’t see it, she closed her eyes, grinning from ear-to-ear. “Because I not only find nothing wrong with holding a stallion’s hoof while another mare is present, I find myself enjoying it exceedingly.”

~-~-~-~-~-~

The little one-window room was completely dark. Once again, the moon dared not show its face in the midst of this still, silent night. In the corner of the room, Twilight was softly snorting, her notepad clenched between her hooves as she slept.

It was late; very late. So late that even the most die-hard of night owls were tucked away in their beds. Jon, though he didn’t roll over onto his side to look at the clock hanging on the wall, knew it was late. He could feel it in his bones, hear it in the hushed silence that was only held at bay by slow, even breathing and snoring.

He was tired. He knew that he should have been asleep hours ago. He knew that when he got up in the morning he was going to feel like total garbage. But, no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t close his eyes and drift off. Instead, he looked at the mass white fur in front of him, wrestling with his thoughts.

Celestia also knew that it was terribly late at night. She could even look up at the clock to see that it would be many, many hours before she needed to be up for the sun to rise. The princess also wanted to get some sleep. While she was a morning pony—it was pretty much in her job description— not even she could be bright and cheery in the wake of a sleepless night. But just like her bed-buddy, no matter what she did, she couldn’t just quite drift off.

“…Princess? Are you awake?” Jon whispered.

Shifting her weight a bit, Celestia sighed. “Yes, my little human. I believe that I am,” she said, nuzzling the top of his head.

“Can’t sleep either, huh?”

“It appears that way.”

“Have a lot on your mind?”

“I was just about to ask you the same thing, since you can’t seem to hold still for more than a moment,” she observed.

Jon frowned in the darkness. “Oh shit. I’m the one keeping you up, aren’t I?” he asked. “I’m really—”

“No, no. I promise you that my lack of sleep is no fault of yours,” Celestia assured, nuzzling his brow. “It’s because…” Her nose scrunched up in thought. “I cannot quite place it, but it feels as though something is… missing.”

Jon nodded, the top of his head brushing against her chest as he did so. “I know what you mean,” he quietly agreed. “I’m feeling the same.”

The two lapsed into silence, Celestia trying to catch his eye while Jon stared at her neck.

“Celestia?” he murmured.

“Hmm?”

Jon opened his mouth before snorting. “Jesus Christ, I’m not in fucking high school anymore. It was bad enough that I’ve been getting all blushy and shit the last couple days. I am not gonna start dancing around shit,” he sourly grumbled to himself.

He took a deep breath, puffing his chest out. “Princess, do you mind if I…” he trailed off, losing steam.

Celestia moved away from her bed-buddy a bit so that she could get a better look at him. “If you…?” she prompted encouragingly.

Jon picked his head up and looked over at Twilight. Making a hundred percent sure that she was, in fact, asleep and not faking it, he turned his attention back to her.

“I’ve been trying to think of a way to put this more eloquently, but I can’t think of anything clever or romantic or anything like that. So, I’m just going to flat-out ask you, since I’m not some ten-year-old that can’t talk to girls.” His eyes narrowed to slits. “I’m an adult. I’m an adult, dammit. I have a mortgage and I pay fucking taxes.” He poked her stomach, looking into her eyes before he took another deep breath and asked, “Can. I. Have. A. Kiss. Please?”

Celestia blinked in surprise at the question. “Excuse me?”

“I’d very much like a smooch on the lips. Please,” Jon bluntly told her.

There was bewilderment in the princess’s eyes as she looked down at them. She then began to laugh. “Oh my goodness. This is the first time in a long time that a stallion has asked me for a kiss,” she mused. “And so bluntly!”

Jon scowled even as he began to turn red. “Can I have a kiss or not?” he demanded.

Celestia’s grin diminished somewhat. “I would gladly give you a kiss if you so desire, Jonathan,” she said, her expression becoming more serious. “But are you sure that you’re comfortable kissing me?”

He quickly looked at her lips, then back up at her face, an act which she couldn’t help but note. “I’m just asking for a little kiss. It’s not like I want you to stick your tongue down my throat.”

“And may I ask what brought this on?”

Jon shrugged. “I’ve been thinking a whole lot since this afternoon,” he stated. “And, I don’t know, I just kind of want to know what it feels like. Kissing you I mean. Since, even though I didn’t say this in front of Twilight, I kind of, sorta, like your lips. I think they’re nice-looking.”

The princess looked him over carefully—a small smile on her face— before nodding. “Very well,” she replied, pulling away from him and sitting up. “If you wish for a kiss then I’d be thrilled to give you one.”

He sat up in the bed with her, wrapping their blanket around himself. “Good. Great. Thank you.”

Making themselves comfortable—Jon sitting cross-legged on the bed and Celestia sitting up on her haunches—they looked at each other.

“I’m going to lean down and kiss you. If you wish me to stop then simply ask and I’ll stop,” Celestia whispered.

Jon licked his lips before wiping them with the back of his hand. “Alright,” he said, opening and closing his hands.

Looking into his eyes, she began to lean down as he leaned up. Their lips parted and puckered just before they touched.

To Jon’s surprise, nothing happened. No feelings of revulsion, no outrage, he didn’t explode in anyway or form. The only thing that happened to him as they kissed was that his heart began to beat just a little bit faster and a pleasant warmth began to fill him.

Celestia’s lips were as soft as he imagined and as warm as the rest of her. They were a bit bigger than his, so they the two of them had to adjust mid-kiss, but they managed. Managed very well, in fact.

It was just a kiss. A slightly tense kiss that may have been a bit awkward with how stiff the two of them were, but a kiss nonetheless. And a pleasant one at that.

Counting to ten in his head, Jon pulled away. Breaking the kiss, he looked at the princess, who was staring carefully back at him. “So… how was that?” he asked.

Celestia smiled. “I found it very agreeable,” she told him, trying to rein in her enthusiasm. “And yourself?”

He leaned back and thought hard. “It was… just a kiss,” he said.

Celestia’s smile widened. “Just a kiss?”

A smile came to the human’s face as he nodded. “Yep, just a nice kiss from a very pretty mare.”

That got a chuckle out of the princess. “Well, thank you very much, my dear,” she said. Feeling brave, she leaned forward and gave him a peck on the cheek. Again, he felt no panic, no anxiety, no disgust. It was just a kiss on the cheek.

Jon sighed in relief as he felt a great weight leave his shoulders. “I’m sorry if it was shitty for you though,” he apologized, reaching over and grabbing her hoof. “I wasn’t exactly bringing my A-game.”

“Nonsense, Jonathan,” the princess gently protested. “It was a lovely kiss.”

Jon just grunted, looking over at Twilight. “At least the one over there didn’t see,” he muttered. “I don’t care what she says, I’m pretty sure that she’s getting off to this somehow…”

Celestia chuckled again. “If we are to continue kissing she’s bound to see us eventually,” she mused.

Jon looked over at her before looking back at his purple friend. “I guess so,” he supposed, leaning against her. “We should make sure to practice when she’s not looking then, so when she does see us we’re not fumbling around like a bunch of teenagers that’ve never kissed anyone before.”

Celestia’s wing wrapped around him as she nuzzled his head again. “I’d be happy to practice with you as many times as you want,” she told him. “I’d be a fool not to take such a handsome stallion’s offer.”

“You’re silly.”

“I might be silly, but you’re still fetching, my little human.”

This time, when the two laid their heads down onto their pillows, sleep came easy.

Amplectere Solis

“I knew it!”

“Jon, please, I don’t—”

Jonathan, his eyes blazing, turned toward Celestia. The princess was staring at Twilight with a raised eyebrow and pink cheeks, somehow managing to look both amused and concerned. “What did I tell you a couple days ago? What was the exact thing that I said?”

“All I’m doing is recording data!” Twilight insisted, clutching her notepad close to her chest. “That’s it! I’m not doing whatever it is you think I’m doing!”

“Why the hell do you think I’d want something like that recorded?!” he demanded, looming over the purple princess, his hands on his hips.

Twilight’s eyes darted around the room. She looked over at Celestia, hoping for support, but she received none. “The data that I could gather here could revolutionize the scientific community,” she argued.

“Revolutionize the scientific community?” Jon growled, eyes narrowing. “That’s the biggest load of bullshit that I’ve ever heard in my life!”

“You didn’t say anything when I recorded the two of you kissing!”

“First off, we didn’t know you were watching us until after the fact, so we couldn’t say anything even if we wanted to. And second, that’s completely different from what you’re asking now!”

“What about when the two of you sleep together? That’s fundamentally the same thing!”

“It’s not and you know it!”

“You won’t even know that I’m there. I’ll use a spell and—”

Jon looked back over at Celestia exasperatingly. “You thought that I was kidding?” he proclaimed, throwing his hands into the air. “But see? What did I tell you? She’s getting off to this.”

“I am not!” Twilight insisted. “This is for scientific purposes only.”

“There’s nothing scientific about you wanting to watch me touch your old teacher’s butt, you purple pervert!”

Celestia gave her wings a nervous—and slightly embarrassed—flap.

Twilight stiffened, her face reddening. “T-The third step of the pyramid of affection is the exploration of one another’s bodies and coupling,” she said, not quite able to look him in the eye. “Even though t-the two of you have been doing great so far, the early parts of this stage can make or break your relationship. That’s why you n-need somepony here to—”

“What we need is to be left alone,” Jon interrupted.

“B-But I can help!” Twilight protested with a stomp of her hoof.

Without warning, Jon took a step toward his purple friend. He brought both of his hands up with great force, slapping both of her cheeks. Before she could so much as gasp, he forced her to look up at his deadpanned face.

“Twilight. You’re the mare that thought stallions had cooties until you were fifteen. You’re not helping anyone with anything,” he said, deadly calm.

Twilight’s eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. “W-What?! I did not!” she shouted.

“Don’t you lie to me, you little bookworm,” the human growled, smooshing her cheeks together. “Your brother told me all about it last time he and his wife were in town.”

“H-He was lying!”

“He said that you tried to take samples of his fur a couple of times while he was sleeping to check for them. He said that you had two hundred pages worth of notes.”

“T-That’s not true!”

Jon’s eyes hardened, though it looked like he was trying very hard not to smile. “He also told me that one time you climbed into a tree to get away from a stallion that was trying to kiss you. Your mom had to promise you that you weren’t going to get cootieitis from him before you came back down.”

Not able to help herself, Celestia quietly “aww” ‘d.

Twilight, now thoroughly embarrassed and more red than purple at this point, yanked her head out of the human’s grasp. “I-I was young back then. I was young a-and didn’t know any better!” she said. “I k-know cooties doesn’t exist now! I did an in-depth investigation on it and everything! I even had my findings published in ‘N.E.R.D.S Monthly’!”

Jon stopped his verbal rampage to just stare at her. “Really? You had it published?” he asked, a smile coming to his face as he shook his head. “Sweet Christ almighty are you the biggest dork in the world…”

Impossibly, she blushed even harder. “S-Shut up! I don’t even see what that has to do with anything anyway!”

“Which is why I don’t want you in here.”

“I just want to record some data!”

“You’re not recording anything.”

“You’re the worst!”

“And you’re a cootie specialist.”

Sensing that the three of them would be here all day if she didn’t interfere, Celestia decided to finally speak up. “I think what Jon means to say is that you’re right, Twilight. This is a very important step that he and I need to take. A very intimate, personal step.” The bed creaked as she rose from the bed and stood up. “And, while I can understand your… curiosity, it might do more harm than good if you were here watching our every movement.”

“Yeah, what she said,” Jon agreed with a nod of the head. “This is a private thing. There needs to be an ambiance. The two of us need to be in a certain mood.” His eyes narrowed down to slits. “We need to be able to do this without anyone sitting behind us breathing down our necks.”

Twilight gasped. “But, but, but! I need to be here. I need to record data, collect samples; I need to make sure that everything goes—”

“You are not fucking collecting any samples, missy,” Jon barked, causing her to jump.

“Twilight, please,” Celestia said in her calmest and most gentle voice, taking a step forward and wrapping a wing around her wither. “Jon and I are big ponies. We can see this through without your help.” Her horn glowed, and with a spell she grabbed Twilight’s notepad and placed it on the nightstand across the room. “If you need your data so desperately, I’m sure that Jonathan and I would be more than happy to tell you what happened after the fact.”

Twilight opened her mouth to protest. Why would she want secondhand data when she could just sit there and witness everything happening herself?

She could record at every angle imaginable, pick up even the most insignificant of sounds. Her magic could record the temperature in the room, the level of oxygen, everything and anything that needed to be recorded. And this wasn’t just for her; this was for ponies everywhere.

Her findings could change the world. They could change ponykind’s perception of the very universe itself. A thousand years from now, teachers might be teaching their students about everything that she had found. She would not only be the Princess of Friendship, but the Princess of Scientific Pioneering, or even the Princess of Science itself! All she needed to do was just sit in this room and watch the two kiss and touch each other. It was as easy as that.

Her mind raced as she looked at both her old teacher and her friend, trying to think of a way to convince them to let her stay. But, alas, while few could compare to Twilight when it came to intelligence, her powers of persuasion left much to be desired.

Sighing, she looked away from the two. “Fine, fine. If you two don’t want me here then I’ll leave the room,” she said, defeated and forlorn. “I personally don’t see what the big deal is, but I’ll go.”

Celestia smiled, looking very much relieved. “Thank you very much, Twilight,” she said gratefully, pulling her wing from her wither.

Twilight, ears pinned against the sides of her head, looked up at Jon. “Could I at least put up a recording orb in the corner of the room?” she asked hopefully. “I wouldn’t be in the room and—”

“No.”

“But—”

“No.”

“Maybe I could—”

“Get. Your. Purple. Fanny. Out. Of. This. Room. Now.”

Twilight opened her mouth, closed it, and sighed. “Alright, I’ll go,” she said sadly, turning around and making her way to the door, her head down and her tail tucked between her legs.

Both Jon and Celestia watched as the bookworm dragged her hooves across the carpet with each step, the picture of disappointment and sadness. After about five minutes of this slow, pathetic walking, she found herself facing the door. Sighing again— a little too dramatically in Jon’s opinion—the tip of her horn glowed. There was a click and, without ceremony, the room swung open.

Picking her head up, she looked over at the two. “Are you sure you don’t want me in here?” she asked.

“We’re sure,” both of them automatically answered.

Wincing, Twilight looked out into the hallway. “Okay. I’ll be in the library reading then,” she told the two of them.

“Twilight, if you could have a servant come to this room I’d deeply appreciate it,” Celestia asked. “I believe that Jon and I would like a glass of wine.”

“I’ll go and find somepony and tell them to come,” Twilight promised, slowly making her way out into the hall. “I’ll see you two later. Have fun.”

Celestia gave her old student a kind wave as Jon just stood there, staring at her with a small frown. She waved at the two of them before closing the door with a click.

With Twilight gone, Celestia relaxed, looking over at Jon with a smile. “There, now we just need to wait for the—”

The human perked up. “Shush!” he hissed, raising a hand to silence her.

He tiptoed to the door, his frown deepening with each step. When he was close enough, he placed his ear against it. He then closed his eyes and took one long, deep breath. Seconds passed as Celestia, her ears perked up, quietly watched him in confusion. Then, all of the sudden, Jon’s eyes snapped open.

Cocking back a fist, he slammed it against the wooden door. “TWILIGHT!” he roared, making the Princess of the Sun jump in surprise. “I CAN HEAR YOU! GET YOUR FURRY LITTLE BUTT OUT OF HERE!”

A very audible “eep!” could be heard from the other side of the door, which was followed by the hurried clip-clop of hooves against stone.

“GO ON, GET! AND MAKE SURE YOU GET A SERVANT, YOU LITTLE PEEPING TOM!” Jon called after her, before pressing his head against the door with a groan. “Jesus Christ… What the hell is wrong with that mare?”

Celestia couldn’t help herself. She began to laugh. “I didn’t think that she would be so determined to watch us,” she mused.

Sighing, Jon pushed himself away from the door. “This is what happens when you spend your whole childhood doing nothing but reading books. You get all funny in the head and you start getting turned on by weird shit,” he grumbled, turning around and making his way toward the bed.

“Joking aside, I doubt that my old student would actually receive any sexual gratification from watching us,” the princess remarked as he sat down. “You lived with her once upon a time. I’m sure that you know how she gets when experimenting or when she wants to learn something new.”

The human grimaced. “You know when that servant comes around she’s going to have her ear against the door again, right?”

“I’ll be sure to place a few spells on the door and walls,” Celestia promised, walking over and hopping into the bed next to him. “That way we’ll have our privacy.”

Wrapping a wing around him, she leaned over and nuzzled the side of his face. Jon returned the affection without hesitation, though he continued to stare at the door from the corner of his eye.

“So we’re gonna start the third part of this seduction thing tonight, huh?” he asked quietly.

“It appears that way,” the princess said, placing her head on his shoulder. “I’ve seduced you to my bed, I’ve stolen as many kisses as I can, and you were even thoughtful enough to tell me everything about yourself.” She nodded, closing her eyes. “A few more steps and my conquest will be complete.”

“Conquest?” Jon questioned, a smile worming its way onto his face

“It was a series of long, difficult battles, but I fear that I have you on your last leg, my little human.” She rubbed her cheek against his neck as he booped her. “It’s only a matter of time before I am able to enjoy the spoils of war.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Jon commented as one of his hands reached up and began to lazily stroke her neck. “My last stronghold might be a doozy.”

A throaty hum escaped Celestia’s lips as she pressed more of herself against him. “Oh, I don’t doubt that,” she chirped. “There’s sure to be fighting in every street, every building, and I’m positive that you might have more than a few nasty things waiting for me.”

“You better believe it sister.”

“But I have one advantage that I intend to use shamelessly, my dear.”

Jon raised an eyebrow. “Oh? And what might that be?”

Celestia’s smile widened. “Patience. All I have to do is wait and you’ll open the gates for me by your own free will.”

“Oh?”

Picking her head up, Celestia leaned over and planted a kiss—short but sweet—on his lips before pulling away. “Not the most glorious way to end this great war, I know,” she admitted, “but the strategy hasn’t failed me yet.”

Jon was silent for a moment. “I guess so,” he agreed with a nod.

In no time at all, the servant came in, interrupting their cuddling session. Eager to begin the night, the princess ordered a few bottles of chilled wine. Candles were once again lit, and the lights were dimmed.

Celestia was also true to her word after the servant had returned with their drinks. She cast all manner of spells on the door and walls, so that they had a plastic look about them. With that done, she proceeded to make her way back toward the bed so that she could pour the two of them some wine.

With the clinking of glasses and the closing and immediate locking of the door, they were alone. Alone to do whatever they wished. Alone to talk, touch, and explore.

They talked and joked as they drank, sitting on the bed as they had done a dozen times before. This time, however, it was different. No matter how many glasses that they drank, the two could feel something in the air. It hung over their heads, made their hearts race, left them squirming in their seats.

Whenever one of them would turn away the other would sneak a glance. With each glass of wine, their eyes began wandering to less appropriate places. The ogling also began to become less and less tactful. Each time they touched or kissed there was a pause before they pulled away from each other. Their jokes became cruder, their stories of an increasingly sexual nature.

The pumpkin candles had been replaced some days’ prior with cinnamon ones. Not only was the scent of these candles more noticeable, their wicks burned brighter as well. This brightened up the room significantly, allowing both the princess and the human to see each other’s flushed faces and slightly hazy eyes.

“So, I’ve always wondered; why are you pretty much the only one in this castle that goes around almost naked?” Jon asked, taking a big gulp from his glass.

Celestia licked some stray wine from her lips. “What do you mean, Jon?” she asked, with the bare beginnings or a slur in her voice.

“Your maids wear those frilly outfits; you have the servants wear those tuxedos.” He swept a hand around the room, spilling a bit of wine on himself in the process. “Your guards wear armor and every time that I see a noble they’re either wearing a petticoat or some silly looking dress.” He poked the princess’s side. “But you and your sister don’t wear anything. All you guys wear are those weird looking horse shoes, that chest plate hickey—”

“It’s called a peytral, dear,” Celestia corrected, swirling her wine in her glass before taking a ladylike sip.

“Your peta, or papyrus, or whatever, and your crown.” He looked her up and down with half-lidded eyes. “So what’s the deal? How come you’re allowed to walk around completely naked and everyone else has to wear all of that stuffy clothing? Is it a rule or something that only royalty can walk around naked?”

“I don’t force them to wear anything, if that’s what you’re insinuating,” Celestia said, carefully placing her now empty wine glass onto the nightstand by their bed. “Any mare or stallion that works for my sister or I is free to wear whatever they wish.”

“Then why are they running around in clothes, then?” Jon queried.

“Many years ago, my servants began to worry that their appearance diminished the castle’s “prestige”, so they began to purchase outfits from their own pocket,” the princess explained. “At first there was just a few of them that did this, but then more and more began to do it until half of the castle was clothed.” She frowned. “I had tried to insist that it wasn’t necessary, but nopony would listen.”

Celestia looked down at herself. “As for why I do not wear any gowns or dresses, it is because I find them absolutely silly.”

“What’s so silly about them?” Jon asked, finishing his glass as well. “There’s nothing wrong with wearing clothes. I wear clothes all the time and there’s nothing silly about me.”

He attempted to lean forward to place the empty glass next to the princess’s. He lost his balance halfway, falling toward the floor without so much as a sound. Celestia was forced to intervene, gently pulling the human back against her and levitating the glass over with her magic. Jon, his nose scrunched up as he looked at her, didn’t even register what had happened.

“Absolutely nothing,” he grumbled.

The princess couldn’t help but shake her head, a small grin on her face. “I understand why you wear your clothes, my little human. There’s a reason that you do it. But there is no reason that my little ponies need to wear dresses or petticoats or any of those silly things every day.” She placed a hoof against his leg and began to rub his thigh. “We have no need for any extra layers unless the weather is especially bad, and at most all we need is a scarf and a hat. In every other instance, clothing is unneeded. In fact, many times it can be dangerous.”

“Dangerous?” Jon questioned.

The princess nodded solemnly. “More than once, I’ve seen ponies faint during the summer because of the heat,” she told him. “And there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t see some mare or stallion sweating their tails off in their fancy dresses and suits.”

Shaking her head, she reached up and tugged on his shirt. “Yes, sometimes clothes are worn to enhance the body’s figure, but there is no need. One should not hide their body. They should be proud of it; they should wish to show it to the world with their heads held high.”

Jon stared up at the princess for a few moments before snorting. “That’s a load of crap if I’ve ever heard one,” he said, looking away. “You just want other ponies to stare at your butt.”

Celestia grinned. “I’ll admit that would be a perk, but I promise you that my intentions are perfectly noble, my lord of lords,” she swore, leaning over to plant a kiss on his temple. “Besides, I don’t think that my derriere is something that other ponies would openly gawk at in public.”

“Why not? You have a great butt! An amazing butt! The kind of butt that other butts should want to be!” Jon protested a little too loudly, the slur in his voice more pronounced than it had been a few minutes ago. “Ponies would be stupid not to look at it!”

Though not completely drunk, Jon was gone enough to not really realize what he had just said. Unfortunately for him, Celestia did.

Her outward reaction to his proclamation was minimal. A small shift of her body on the bed, the slight ruffling of her feathers. If you would have looked into her eyes, however, you would have seen just how much Jon’s words affected her.

“Oh really?” she murmured, her voice taking on a huskier tone. “Does that mean that my little human enjoys staring at my backside~?”

“This isn’t the wine,” Jon interrupted. “I might be a little tipsy, but I’m still all there.” This time, when he looked up at her, he forced himself to hold their gaze. “We don’t have to touch or anything, but I figured that you’d want to see what you’re working with before we do the deed.” He gestured toward himself. “It’s only fair, since I get to see you naked all the time and the only time you got a peek of me was when you barged into the bathroom while I was showering.”

“Oh cour—” Before he could finish, Jon’s mouth snapped shut. His eyes widened slightly and his already flushed face grew a little redder as the realization slowly came to him. “I-I mean…”

Not able to help herself, the princess chuckled as his mouth began to open and close like a fish out of water. This only caused to make the human blush harder as he looked down at the carpet.

He was quiet for a long moment, just listening to her teasing laughter, before he looked up at her. “Celestia?” he said very quietly. “What did Twilight say again about the third stage of the pyramid of whatever?”

Wiping an eye, Celestia wrapped a hoof around him, holding him close. “Well, I recall her saying that this is the final step,” she said, looking straight ahead. “This is the point where two ponies begin to explore each other’s bodies and finally take that last step.”

Jon nodded slowly. “And you said that no one in the castle has to wear any clothes if they don’t want to, right?”

“That’s right. Even though it’s almost a tradition at this point, there’s nothing saying that anypony has to. In fact, I’d be absolutely delighted if they wouldn’t.”

Licking his lips, Jon looked up at her. “So does that mean you’d be alright with me… taking some clothes off…?”

The smile fell from Celestia’s face. She stiffened and her eyes widened. The hoof that she was using to stroke his leg froze. Her mouth opened slightly before closing.

“…Pardon?”

Jon seemed to sink into himself. “Well, I was just thinking: since the two of us are starting to “get in the mood” and all that, we could do the “exploring each other’s body” part of the step,” he said, looking up at her before looking back down just as quickly. “You know, if you want to that is. If you don’t I’d be perfectly fine with just cuddling or drinking or whatever you want.”

Celestia could feel herself sobering up. She quickly looked down at him, eyebrows raised. “Are you sure, Jonathan?” she queried warily. “Because if this is just the wine talking I can’t—”

Without waiting for an answer, he stood up and took a few steps from the bed. Turning around, he looked into Celestia’s eyes and smiled. “If you don’t want to see anything that’s fine, but remember, we’re adults. Tipsy or not, I don’t want the two of us to spend all night dancing around this.” He stood up straight, his shoulders cracking as he rolled them. “We’re alone, we’ve had some wine, candles are lit, and the night’s a’ wasting.”

Celestia was silent for a few moments as she considered his offer. Her eyes began wandering up and down his body, taking him in. Jon stood his ground, waiting there patiently for her answer.

Finally, with a small smile of her own, the princess rose from the bed. “Jonathan, I would be honored to see you as nature intended,” she told him with a nod and an excited ruffle of her feathers.

Though he felt butterflies flying around in his stomach, Jon beat them down and grinned. “Great,” he said, clapping his hands together. “Now, how do you want me to do this? Do you want a strip tease? Do you wanna take my clothes off yourself?”

“While I insist that you do whatever makes you feel comfortable, if you were asking me what I recommended I’d ask if you’d allow me to take your clothes off myself,” she answered, taking a hopeful step toward him.

“Oh? So you want to unwrap your present, huh?”

“Comparing yourself to a present is like comparing my sister’s moon to a pebble.”

That got a chuckle out of him. “You better watch it, missy,” he warned. “If you keep talking like that the wine might make me give you more than a show.”

A shiver ran up Celestia’s spine. “Please, don’t restrain yourself on my account,” she told him, her eyes gleaming in the light. “By all means, be as crazy as you wish, my little human.”

A candle crackled as the two closed in on each other.

Jon placed his hand on Celestia’s cheek, lightly running his fingertips through her fur. He could smell the sweat, the vanilla, and the wine on the princess. Her fur tickled his fingers as they glided across her face.

Celestia gasped at the contact, leaning onto his touch. “Are you positive that this isn’t the wine making you do this?” she asked, unsure.

The human leaned forward and placed his lips against hers. “This isn’t a bit of the wine,” he said, giving her a peck before pulling away. “This is all me.”

Their lips connected again and again. With each kiss, Celestia’s reservation began to fall to pieces. Soon, she was returning them just as eagerly as Jon was giving them.

“Alright, if you’re positive,” she murmured. “But if this is the wine making you do this I will be very cross.”

“Oh, you’ll be cross alright.”

“Oh hush.”

One of her wings extended, slipping up the back of his shirt. With a dexterity that would put most sober wing-bearing creatures to shame, she managed to tug over his head.

Her eyes snapped down to his belly as inch after inch of skin was revealed. They traveled up a tone, strong stomach, up a lithe chest and defined arms. Jon’s skin was the skin of youth; tight, relatively supple, and smooth as sin. As his shirt was pulled away and thrown across the room she began circling the human.

“Hmm~ Very nice,” the alicorn cooed, nosing the small of his back.

Jon stayed completely still, breathing slowly and deeply. A hoof, warm and soft, brushed against his back. His side was tickled by the tip of a wing. Something long and wet dragged across the back of his hand.

His breathing began to grow more shallow along with Celestia’s.

He felt her lips tickle his skin as she kissed him just above the belly button. A hoof ran up the length of his spine. Feathers as soft as anything that he had ever felt began prodding the muscles in his back.

Jon began to fidget, making faces and gritting his teeth, but he held still. He held still even as the princess’ scent began to overpower the smell of the candles. He held still even as his body grew warmer and his heart began to beat wildly. He held still even as his pants began to grow tighter.

“Yes, a fine body,” Celestia commented breathlessly. “Now, for the pants.”

That massive white wing extended once more. With a simple flick, his pants were unbuttoned and his zipper was pulled down. The pants that he was wearing fell partway down his legs, leaving his boxers out for all to see.

With an explosive exhale, Jon looked over his shoulder at the smiling princess, whose wings were poised and at the ready. “Sweet lord above are you a tease,” he shakily commented.

Both of Celestia’s wings slipped into his pants. He couldn’t help it this time; he jumped. Even through his boxers, he could feel her feathers against his skin.

Soft. So soft. Softer than anything that he had ever felt.

His knees knocked together as his breath caught in his throat. “A-A tease,” he repeated, his voice a few octaves higher. “The b-biggest tease in the w-world.”

Celestia grinned. “Thank you,” she told him.

Her wings applied pressure, pushing the pants to the floor. Jon quickly stepped out of them, allowing her to toss them to parts unknown along with his shirt.

She hummed, walking around until she was face-to-face with him again. Her amethyst eyes slowly wandered up his body, taking her time in enjoying his near-nakedness.

Jon, meanwhile, placed his hands behind his back and braced himself. There was only one article of clothing between him and his birthday suit. He knew that with a single flick of her wing the princess could have his boxers halfway across the room. And, from the look on her face, it looked like she was just about to do that.

His cock throbbed in its cotton prison, ready for her to take that last final step.

But she didn’t. She just stood there and smiled.

About a minute ticked by as the two just looked at each other, both breathing hard and aroused. A candle wick crackled.

Finally, Jon could take no more. “Well? Are you going to get to it or not?” he nervously demanded, gesturing toward his pants. “There’s teasing and then there’s messing around.”

Celestia chuckled. “I was just wondering why I should have all of the fun, my little human,” she said. “I know that you’ve never seen me wearing clothes, and therefore you cannot strip me like I have you, but I was wondering if you’d like to take a closer look at my body.” She flicked her tail and wiggled her hips enticingly. “See if anything catches your fancy.”

As Jonathan’s brain began to process what the princess had said, the alicorn began to show off her body. Her wings extended, showing him her strong, shapely barrel. She held her head high, revealing her strong, thick neck. She then turned around so that her flank was facing him.

“I promise not to bite.” She said, her face flushed as she gave her rump a teasing shake. “Unless you want me to that is~”

A chill ran up Jon’s spine when he heard Celestia’s tone. It was throaty, needy, hungry. Sexy.

This was not the mare that the public knew. This wasn’t the pony that ruled the nation or enjoyed eating far too much cake during her free time. The pony, this mare, was one in need. She wanted something. Something basic and heart pounding and exciting.

She wanted the same thing that he was beginning to want.

Jon took a step toward her, then another, then another.

With each breath that he took, he could smell her. Not the sweat or vanilla or her shampoo, not any of the scents that he smelt when lying with her at night. No, he could smell her. That musky, heady, raw scent that came from one thing and one thing only.

His rapidly beating heart pounded in his chest at the realization and his cock throbbed in want.

In two more steps, he was able to place his hand upon the small of Celestia’s back.

The princess tensed at his touch, letting out a quiet, impatient groan. “Yes, my little human,” she whispered excitedly. “Touch me, feel me. Let your hands do as they will.”

Jon licked his dry lips. “Yes ma’am.”

Since he wasn’t quite brave enough to begin with her rump—not enough wine—he started on her back.

He poked at the wing joints, traced the muscles in her back that she used for flying. While he did his best to keep his touches light, the wine gave him some trouble. He poked a little too hard, he massaged a little too roughly. His fingers dug into her fur and dragged along the skin underneath with a little more force than was necessary.

This handling would have been painful to most, but for Celestia it was heaven. The princess twitched and gasped under his touch. Since, even now, she did not want to scare him off, she did her best to hold in these noises. She did her best to hold as firm as Jonathan did, even though with each touch and caress she could feel the heat underneath her tail grow hotter and hotter.

Her predicament was only worsened when Jon realized that she was trying to hold the noises in, and had promptly decided to do all that he could to break her self-control.

The touches became kisses and nuzzles. His groping became even rougher and more focused on her more sensitive areas. His teeth gently tugged at her fur, and his tongue began to drag along her spine.

She could feel Jonathan’s nails as they dragged against her fur, the sharpness of his teeth as he gently bit down on her flight muscles. The wine, his touch, the smell of the candles and the pounding of her heart were all too much. She couldn’t fight it.

The princess considered herself a very strong-willed mare. But this was beyond strength, beyond the will to resist.

Celestia threw back her head and moaned, her hips rolling at the stimulation. “Oh sweet Maker,” she breathlessly murmured with a flap of her wings.

Her eyes slipped closed as he kissed her neck. Her legs shook as one of his hands founds its way to her belly and began to scratch.

Jon’s touch felt wonderful, natural. As he pressed his body against her, she felt loved, happy, warm in every way imaginable. Not for a hundred years had she felt anything close to this.

She might have become lost in the sensations that she was feeling, if not for the low chuckle that came from her soon-to-be-lover. It was an amused chuckle. A teasing chuckle.

Celestia bristled at the noise. She quickly looked over her wither to stare at Jonathan as he gently nibbled on her wing joint.

While she tried her hardest to frown at him, she couldn’t quiet manage it, biting her lip instead. “I recall a certain human complaining about teasing…”

“And I recall a certain pony thanking me for the compliment,” Jonathan replied, giving her side a kiss before stepping away from her. “So, with that very beautiful and wise mare in mind—” He made a show of bowing. “—I will repeat her example and thank you as well.”

Though her legs were shaking from the stimulation and she could feel a certain wetness dripping down her legs, a horsey snort escaped the princess’s throat.

Jon found himself grinning at the sound. It was a kind smile, she noticed, one filled with affection and hunger. “But enough of the teasing. You wanted me to look you over and that’s just what I’m gonna do,” he announced.

Celestia’s bemusement was replaced with a smirk as Jon walked around to her backside and knelt down. She widened her stance, jutting her rump out as far as she could.

“Alright,” he said, looking up. “Let see what we… oh my Lanta…”

For a few moments, the human could do nothing but marvel at the ass laid in front of him.

Jonathan had seen a lot of pony rumps in his time in Equestria. He had seen the tight and compact rumps of the pegasi. He had seen the plump yet usually underwhelming butts of the unicorns. He had even spied the thick, strong, bountiful buns of the earth ponies. He had seen them all and, as time went by, he began to appreciate them. But, out of all of the pony races, out of all of the mares and stallions that he had ever met and interacted, he had never seen an ass like Celestia’s.

This was not the ass of a horse. Though it was covered in fur and a rainbow, flowing tail poking up from the top of it, this was not the ass of a horse.

This ass was shapely, big, perky, blemish free. It was so big that one couldn’t help but look at it, but wasn’t so big as to be laughable.

Poets slaved away writing epics for a butt like this. Paints and sculptors sharpened their skills in the hope that someday they would have the skills needed to do an ass like this justice. Men took their hats off and inclined their heads in respect. Women gnashed their teeth and stomped their feet in envy.

Wars were fought over a derriere like this. Men gladly betrayed everything; their beliefs, their loved ones, all that they had ever known just to have a chance to gaze upon it. People died with smiles on their faces in the name of this butt.

Black holes seemed trivial, galaxies seemed inconsequential. Nothing else mattered when one was faced with a rump such as this.

This was the ass of a woman. This was the ass of a princess.

Celestia’s smirk widened as Jon’s expression turned slack-jawed. “Remember, I told you that you could touch me wherever you wanted,” she said, not quite able to keep the pride out of her voice. Her horn glowed, and before he knew what had happened Jon found his hands on both of her cheeks. “So don’t be shy. Show me what those hands of yours are made of~”

Despite himself, Jon’s fingers twitched. This caused his fingers to dig into the princess’s rump. She let out a shamelessly loud groan, and he very nearly did as well.

While had never considered himself an ass man, his heart skipped a beat when he saw his fingers sink into her rump.

There was a surprising amount of weight in each cheek as he began toying with them. Though there was a nice layer of fat that gave it its shape and jiggle, he could feel a dense layer of corded muscle underneath. This gave the ass its bounce, and helped keep it from looking like a misshapen, ugly blob of fat.

He spread her cheeks apart, before bringing them together. Celestia groaned again as her rump clapped. Jon, his eyes closing, let out a quiet groan as well.

“Jesus Christ,” he murmured. “What on earth do you feed this thing?”

“Only good things. You have my word in that, my lord,” Celestia said with a teasing giggle, which morphed into a moan as he gave both of her cheeks a ravenous squeeze.

Her tail suddenly lifted, showing him what laid beneath.

He could see a pair of soft, white lips, coated in arousal. Pulling her cheeks apart, those lovely lips spread, revealing the pink inside. Jon licked his lips as he inhaled the heavy, almost sweet, scent of the princess’s arousal.

“Not as different as I thought it would be,” he said, more to himself than anyone else. He pressed the cheeks in his hands together before pulling them part.

Celestia let out a needy groan, pushing back against his hands. She expected him to continue his exploring, but to her surprise he withdrew his hands and stood up.

Brow furrowing, she looked back at him. “Jonathan,” she panted, her belly heaving and her knees weak. “What in Harmony’s name are you going?” she breathlessly demanded.

Jon gestured down toward his painfully tight boxers. “I still have one piece of clothing that you haven’t taken off yet,” he told her. “And I’ve seen yours, so I figured that it’d be only fair if you saw mine.”

The alicorn was a blur as she spun around and faced him. Her wing found a place at the back of his head, pulling him toward her. Before Jon knew it, Celestia had captured his lips with hers.

Even now, after a hundred kisses, it shocked him just how warm they felt against his. Though his eyes widened in surprise, he found himself eagerly returning the kiss. His arms wrapped around her neck, pulling her closer to him.

Celestia’s lips parted. Her tongue brushed against his lips, begging for entrance. Feeling this, he not only opened his mouth but his tongue came racing out to meet hers.

As they kissed, Jonathan could feel the tip of her wing slowly make its way up the side of his leg. He stiffened as he felt it slip up his pant leg.

He groaned into her mouth as her wing slowly traveled up his hip until the tip poked up through the top of his underwear. With an incredible dexterity, the wing folded over the fabric and began to tug it down.

“Subjects seem nearly ready to copulate. Whether this is because of the wine or because of their own desire is yet to be seen. Will wait to see how far the two go tonight. Visual recordings and samples will need to be taken pre and post fact if coitus is initiated, however.”

The scratching of a quill on paper cut through the air as both Jon and Celestia froze. Looking into each other’s wide, panic-filled eyes, they then looked over toward the origin of the voice.

There, perched precariously upon the edge of the opened window—with her rump hanging out in the open air—was Twilight Sparkle, a quill in hoof and a pot of ink and her notepad floating in front of her.

“I’ll need to be careful,” the purple alicorn continued, too absorbed in her note taking to realize that she was talking aloud to herself. “I do not want to muddle with the data by having the two realize that I’m…”

Twilight’s ears perked up. When she realized that the room was now completely silent she looked up from her notes to see both Jon and Celestia looking back at her. Neither looked particularly happy. In this light, one might have said that the two even looked furious.

Looking down at herself, Twilight looked back up at them. “An interesting note: Quicklime’s invisibility spell and sound eraser charm have a time limit,” she muttered, as her ears pinned themselves against her head. “When time allows, will need to modify the spells in some way to elongate their effects.”

She flinched as an inhuman growl escaped Jonathan’s throat. “…If I survive that long.”

Concumbere cum sol

“…You alright there, Twi?”

Jon, who was sitting on a plain yet comfortable wooden chair, couldn’t help but eye Twilight in concern. The alicorn was ignoring him, focusing all of her efforts on the small vial and needle in her hooves.

Twilight had been trying for the last ten minutes to pierce the thin metal tin covering the lid with little success. Usually, she’d have done such a delicate task with her magic or at least her wings, but, because of her peeping, and because she hadn’t been able to get out of the room quick enough when Jonathan and Celestia had caught her peeping, she was not only unable to use her magic but her wings as well

A heavy duty magic inhibitor had been placed around her horn, and a specialized rope had been wrapped around her barrel to keep her from spreading her wings.

Neither inhibitor nor rope hurt the purple alicorn in any way. They had been placed on gently, but firmly; not a feather out of place. But for Twilight, a mare who had used magic for practically everything since she could walk, having only her hooves to work with was a punishment unlike any that she had ever received. As was the point.

Twilight was under “parole”. No matter how much she complained or begged her bindings would stay where they were until she learned to respect people’s privacy and not poke her nose into things that she shouldn’t.

That being said, as he sat there watching her struggle, Jon couldn’t help but think that maybe they should let her break her parole for a little while. If not for her sake then for his.

“Oh horse apples… Will you stop… get in there…”

Twilight had the vial between her hooves and the syringe awkwardly positioned in her mouth. Each movement that she made was jerky, unsure. Each scrape along the vial’s cap and each time the needle just missed burying itself into her foreleg made the human flinch.

He could feel himself growing more and more anxious. He was already a little nervous today—what with they were going to be doing—but sitting there watching this was slowly but surely driving him over the edge.

With a yelp—that nearly sent both him and his frayed nerves to the ceiling—Twilight dropped the vial and hugged a foreleg to her chest.

“Owowowowo!” she cried, still somehow holding the syringe. “I jabbed myself! Motherbucker!”

This was the straw that broke the camel’s back for the young man.

“Twilight! Please, you’re killing me!” Jon said, covering his face with his hands. “Just… just bring that over here and let me do it!”

Twilight, wiggling the hoof that she had accidently stabbed, looked over at him. “What?” she asked.

Jon’s eye twitched when he saw a bead of drool working its way down the body of the syringe.

“Pick up that little jar and bring it over here with a needle—not the one in your mouth! You stabbed yourself with that one, you crazy purple horse! Get me another one! A clean one! One that doesn’t have your spit all over it, for God’s sake!”

With some bumbling, Twilight eventually managed to do as he asked, picking up the vial and getting him a new syringe. Where she had gotten either of the syringes that she had on the table was a mystery. Where she had gotten the drug was also an enigma. But he had no desire to know where she had gotten any of these things. He had a feeling that the answer would make him more anxious than he already was.

“Remember to be careful. Those needles are sharp and you really don’t want to stab yourself with one.”

“I know.”

“You won’t need much. By my calculations, you shouldn’t need more than twenty cc’s.”

“I got it.”

“Make sure that you’re measuring carefully. Since it’s a liquid it’ll dip down a bit in the mid—”

Jon jumped when he felt the purple princess’s breath wash over the back of his neck. Looking over his shoulder, he saw that she had propped herself against the back of his chair. She was staring at the vial in his hands intently, her mouth slightly parted.

His eye twitched again. “Twilight, if you don’t stop breathing down my neck I’m going to stab you with this thing. I swear to almighty God I will stab you.”

Twilight, her ears folding against her skull, quickly pushed herself away from the chair. “Oops, sorry,” she said with a sheepish chuckle. “I’m just making sure that you’re doing this right. I wouldn’t want you hurting yourself.”

“Just be quiet for a second,” Jon grunted, lining up the tip of the syringe against the metal cap. “Let me get the stupid needle in this thing before you go distracting me.”

There was a surprising amount of resistance as he punctured the top of the vial. He pushed the needle deep into the liquid, eyeing it curiously, before he began to pulled back on the pump.

“So what is this stuff again?” he asked, focusing his attention on the measurement ticks. “Celestia tried to explain it to me before she went off to lord knows where, but she forgot that I don’t have a doctor’s vocabulary.”

“It’s a chemical cocktail that’ll active your thyroid and hypothalamus by using a special chromosome that—”

“English, Twi.”

Twilight’s mouth snapped shut. Her brow furrowed, and she looked at the vial thoughtfully. Collecting her thoughts for a few moments, she opened her mouth and tried again.

“What’s in that vial is going to help you secrete far more sperm than you usually do,” she told him.

“Automatically?”

Twilight shook her head, her tail flicking. “No, it’ll take a couple of minutes.”

Jon frowned. “A couple of minutes? That still seems pretty fast for something like this,” he mumbled, looking at her from the corner of his eye. “Is there some kind of magic in this that speeds up the process or whatever?”

Once again, the bookworm shook her head. “There’s no magic of any kind in the drug at all,” she assured.

While he kind of doubted that—what with almost everything in this world being magical in some way or another—he held his tongue. “How does it work then?” he asked instead.

Twilight smirked. “I’d explain it, but you wanted me to dumb it down so…”

“Hey, no one likes a smart ass,” Jon chided, sticking his tongue out at her as he drew the proper amount of liquid from the vial.

“I’m just doing what you asked,” Twilight smartly replied, smirking. “Now, lift the tip to the ceiling and squirt a bit of the liquid out. We need to get the air out of there so we don’t shoot any into your veins.”

“I’m guessing that that would be a bad thing, huh?” the human questioned, making a face as he lifted the needle up so that the tip was pointing to the ceiling.

Twilight nodded. “Yes, it would be very bad. Very, very bad.”

Nodding, he flicked the needle before pushing on the end of the pump. A small spurt of liquid flew out from the tip and onto the floor below. A small bead of the drug began to slide down that thin, sharp tube of metal. Jon watched is as it made its way down to the glass body, a scowl on his face.

He looked over at his purple friend. “You know that I don’t like needles, right?” he questioned.

“I recall you telling me that many times,” Twilight answered diplomatically.

“But we’re still going to stick me with one?”

“We need to do all that we can to improve the chances of your seed taking,” the princess explained, walking around so that she was standing next to him. “There’s a lot that we can’t do, since we don’t want to alter your seed through magical means, but we can increase the amount you cum.”

“And that’s going to matter?”

“To be frank, we have no idea,” she told him with a shrug. “But a normal stallion can produce over a fifty milliliters of semen during an ejaculation; far, far more than you’re able to.” She shifted her weight, staring hard at the shot in his hands. “The princess and I don’t know if having you cum as much would help, but we both thought that it wouldn’t hurt anything.”

While the prospect of being able to cum as much as a horse was oddly appealing to the young man, Jon still couldn’t help but have a few reservations. More than a few actually.

“Do you even know what this stuff is going to do to me?” he queried, his grip on the syringe tightening.

“Nope,” Twilight admitted as he grabbed a cap and placed it over the needle. “We’ve never used anything like this on you before.”

“Has this been used on anything before?” he asked.

Twilight nodded. “Yep. The drug on your hands is primarily used in the breeding of pigs.”

“Pigs?” the human questioned, not looking all that happy with the purple princess’s admission.

“Pigs share many biological traits with you,” she quickly clarified. “So the princess and I figured that it’d work.”

Jon looked down at the syringe in his hand. He could have asked why on earth the two didn’t get some advice from a doctor of some kind, and probably should. That would have been the smart thing to do, the right thing to do. For all he knew, this could make him grow another arm!

But he didn’t.

Twilight was one of the smartest mares that he knew, and Celestia might have been even smarter than her. Without a doubt, the two of them probably researched everything about this drug. He wouldn’t have been the least bit surprised if the two knew this drug, its side effects, and everything in between backwards and forwards.

Sighing, he carefully placed the needle onto the table in front of him and leaned back into his chair. “So you have no idea what this is gonna do to me and you have no idea if it’s even going to work?” he questioned.

To both his amusement and horror, Twilight nodded. “We can only try our best and hope it works,” she said simply.

Setting the vial down, Jon picked up his chair and spun it around so that he was staring right at Twilight. “Fuck it. I’m already in too deep to back out now,” he grumbled.

The purple alicorn gave him a look of confusion but he ignored it, leaning forward and cupping her face with his hands.

“Now, since the princess and I know that you’ll find some way to sneak into this room no matter what we do—magic or no magic—we’re going to let you put a recording orb in here.”

“Yes, and I really app—”

“You shut your mouth and let me finish,” he interrupted with a frown, giving her cheeks a squeeze. “Remember: we’re going to let you put one of those little orbs right in the corner over there. We’re going to let you record everything; for science or pornographic material or whatever you want.” He leaned forward in his chair. “The two of us might not like it very much, but we’ll deal with it.”

Jon’s eyes narrowed. “Now Twi, you’re the best fucking friend that I’ve ever had in my whole life. I know that you’d never intentionally do anything to ruin this for the two of us. You might be the biggest purple nerd in this whole world but I know that you want this to go well.”

Touched, Twilight smiled. “Aw, I’m your best friend? That’s the sweetest—”

“Shut up,” Jon repeated, smooshing her cheeks harder. “That being said, if you decide to come in here—for whatever reason—I’m going to get up from that bed over there, I’m going to pick your purple butt up, I’m going to carry you toward that window, and I swear to everything that’s good and holy on this earth that I will throw you out the window.”

The room took on a slightly sinister air as he stared at her meaningfully. “I will throw you out the window—wings tied all up—and jump right back into bed. Do you get me, Twi?”

Twilight, now not at all touched, gulped. “Y-Yep,” she said, nodding a little more rigorously than needed. “I promise that I’ll be as quiet as a mouse.”

The human stared down at her for a moment longer before nodding. “Alright,” he said, letting go of her cheeks and leaning back into the chair. “I’ll trust you. Don’t fuck up.”

The purple bookworm was about to open her mouth to assure him that she, in fact, wouldn’t buck up, fuck up, or anything in between, but before she could, the doorknob clicked. Both Jonathan and Twilight looked over to the door just as it was being opened, revealing a battered, ragged, and exhausted Celestia.

The poor mare looked like she had just come from a battlefield. Her usually flowing mane lied limply against her neck. It looked slightly dirty, sticking up every which way. Her usually immaculate fur also looked messy and matted. The regalia that she wore hung on her oddly, and it appeared that she was missing a horseshoe.

“I apologize for the delay,” she said, looking exhausted as she made her way into the room and closed the door behind her. “Luna needed my help with the Yakyakistan ambassador.” She sighed. “I tried my hardest to get away as quickly as I could but it seemed like she was in rare form today.”

She made her way over to Jon, her head hanging low and her wings dragging on the floor. Jon sat on the edge of his seat and spread his arms out wide. Grumbling to herself, Celestia sat down in front of the human and placed her head on his shoulder.

“They gave you a hell of a time, huh?” he asked, wrapped his arms around her neck and kissing her cheek.

Celestia let out a tired, but pleased, hum. “It’s always like this when the ambassador comes,” she said, leaning against him. “She comes unannounced, barges into the castle, and immediately tries to pick a fight.”

“Why don’t you go ahead and throw her out then?” he suggested, running his fingers through her mane. “That’d probably teach her some manners.”

Chuckling to herself, the princess shook her head. “That would end badly for everypony, my little human,” she murmured, kissing his cheek. “And I know that the ambassador means nothing by her actions. That is just how the yaks, as a people, are. They have been like that since I was young and they will probably be like that until my sun burns out.”

“They sound like a lot of fun,” the human dryly remarked.

Celestia chuckled. “You should see when their prince comes. By the time he leaves half of the castle staff are ready to bury him in the garden.”

The two were quiet for a little while after that. Jon began to rub the princess’s withers and neck. Celestia pressed more of her body against him, going limp as she enjoyed the massage.

“You know, if you’re tired we could do this another day,” he murmured. “There’s still a couple of days before your heat is over, so we can—”

“Jonathan,” Celestia interrupted, her voice serene and her eyes closed. “While I very much appreciate the thought, I have had a rather stressful day.”

She leaned up toward his ear and whispered, “I need to unwind, and I can’t think of a better way to do that than a good, hard rutting.”

A blush exploded across Jon’s face as the alicorn’s hot, moist breath washed over the side of his face. Celestia pressed more of her warm, soft body against his. He responded by holding her a little tighter.

“…Well, if you want to then I’d be happy to do my best to be your stress reliever,” he said, with just a hint of nervousness in his voice.

“Thank you very much, my little human,” Celestia murmured, pressing her forehead against his.

They shared another kiss, short but sweet.

“I hope that this works,” Jon said, looking into her eyes.

Celestia smiled. “Even if this journey that the two of us have found ourselves on is for naught, I want you to know that these last few weeks were some of the best that I had in a very long while.” She placed a hoof against his heart. “Thank you for this, Jonathan, all of this. I fear that I will never be able to repay you.”

Jon smiled. “Yeah. I had a lot of fun too,” he admitted as one of his hands reached up to touch her cheek. “I didn’t think that I would be attracted to ponies like this, but I’m kinda glad that the one that eased me into it was someone like you.”

Again the two kissed, holding each other close. While not much different from their usual kissing, this one seemed special. There was a charge to it, a certain something that left their extremities tingling.

Slowly, hesitantly, Celestia broke the kiss. “It was my utter pleasure to have found a stallion like you,” she murmured, nuzzling his face.

He nuzzled her right back. “And hey, if this does work I’m going to have to take you out on a couple of dates,” he told her. “If I’m going to knock you up the very least I can do is wine and dine you.” He kissed both of her cheeks before rubbing his nose against hers. “It’d be weird if we just straight up got married before I made you my girl.”

“I think you’ve done more than enough to make me your marefriend, my little human,” the alicorn responded, giving him a sweet peck on the cheek. “But even still, I’d very much like that, even if your seed does not take.”

The two smiled at each other. It was a fragile, but unrestrained, smile. The kind that had so much emotion behind it that one didn’t know whether to smile, laugh, scream, or cry.

Both of their faces seemed to light up from them. The room seemed brighter. One could nearly taste the sweet, beautiful love in the air. At that moment, as the alicorn and human looked each other in the eyes, their hearts beat as one.

This wonderful, emotional moment was ruined however, as Twilight grabbed the syringe from the table, pulled off the cap with her teeth, and jammed it into Jon’s exposed shoulder.

“MOTHERFUCKER!” he squeaked as the sharp needle pierced his flesh. “OWOWOWOWOWO!”

He jerked forward, nearly headbutting Celestia as Twilight, with a surprised yelp, pumped the drug into his body.

Though Jon wanted nothing more than to being flailing wildly until the sharp, stinging pain went away, he had enough sense left to know that doing such a thing while drugs were being pumped into him wasn’t a very good idea. So he just sat there, wide-eyed and upset, and waited until Twilight had carefully pulled the syringe away and put the cap back on.

“Oopsy!” the bookworm chirped in embarrassment and a little bit of horror, producing a small alcohol swab. “I thought that you wouldn’t notice. Here, just let me disinfect the area and—”

“You’re supposed to disinfect the fucking area first before you go and stab people with needles, you purple psycho!” he shouted, putting Celestia between the two of them.

Twilight, not able to look him in the eye, began to pat his shoulder with the swab, making him hiss.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“Since you don’t like needles, I thought that it would be a good idea if I stuck you while the princess had you occupied,” she lamely explained.

Jon slapped her hooves away. He then picked up his chair and moved it away from her. “You just had to slam it into me like that, huh?” he growled, feeling around the area that had been stabbed.

He flinched, mumbling a curse under his breath. “Oh, I’m going to bruise like a son of a bitch…”

Twilight, looking for all the world like a puppy that had just been thoroughly kicked, shrunk into herself. “I’m sorry, Jon. I thought that the two of you were so engrossed with what you were doing that you wouldn’t even feel it,” she said, her ears flat against her skull.

Though he tried his hardest to think of something to say, Jon couldn’t quite manage it. Instead, he frowned at her as hard as he could.

“Go put your orb up and get outta here!” he demanded, pointing at the other end of the room.

“Jon, please, I was just—”

“Get.”

“The needle wasn’t even—”

"The.”

“Now you’re just bein—”

“Fuck.”

“If you would just—”

“Outta here. Now.”

Twilight stared at him nervously. She looked over at her teacher, who also didn’t look very happy with what she had just done.

“I was just trying to make the shot easier for you!” she insisted. “I’m sorry that it didn’t work out that way, but I’ve always heard that it’s easiest to get a shot when you’re distracted and—”

Both Celestia and Jon’s eyes narrowed. Irritation, disappointment, and just a smidge of bemusement grew thick in the air.

The purple princess flinched, sinking into herself under their gaze. She opened her mouth to defend herself but slowly closed it. She tried again, and failing again. After the third attempt, she just sighed.

“I’ll just… get the orb ready so I can leave,” she muttered, making her way over to the corner of the room as quickly as she could without running.

It wasn’t until she had cast her spell, made her way toward the door, and shut it behind her did the both of them relax. They both sighed, shaking their heads at the sheer outrageousness of it all.

“What the fuck is wrong with that mare?” Jon grumbled, tenderly rubbing his shoulder. “Stabbing folks out of the blue like that. And she fucking wonders why we don’t want her in here...”

Despite herself, Celestia couldn’t help but smile. “Well, my old student knows how to ruin a moment,” she joked.

The human grunted as she leaned over and nuzzled his face. “You’re telling me.”

“Did it really hurt that much?” she asked.

“It wouldn’t have been that bad if she would have told me she was gonna do it first,” he answered, his face souring slightly. “I’m fine though. My shoulder hurts but I’m fi—”

Before he could finish, Celestia leaned forward and kissed him. She wrapped a hoof around his neck and pulled him close before he could so much as blink. Her lips parted, and immediately began to tease his, silently asking for admittance.

Jon, not expecting such a sudden and aggressive kiss, twitched. He gasped into the alicorn’s mouth, looking at her with wide eyes.

Celestia’s eyes seemed to glow as she looked back at him. She let out a hum and, taking advantage of his surprise, slipped her tongue into his mouth

“Thmp!”

The human’s knees knocked together while the princess let out a happy moan. She leaned into him, deepening the kiss. Her tongue immediately found his and began to tease the wet muscle in a way that made him shiver.

Though his eyes were still wide, Jon nevertheless began to return the kiss. At first he was timid, letting her take the lead, but as the minutes ticked by he grew braver and braver. Soon, his tongue was battling hers with all of the strength that he could muster.

He wrapped an arm around her, digging his fingers into the muscles on her back. Celestia’s body jumped, sucking air through her nose, before she broke the kiss and let out a moan that shook the windows. Before he could take a breather though, she had already leaned forward and was kissing him with renewed vigor.

Time seemed to slow down. The world was filled with nothing but the sounds of heavy breathing and the taste of saliva. Their bodies began to warm up, their hearts began to pound. They began to touch each other, letting their hands and hooves wander as their kiss grew more and more intense.

“H-Hah~”

What was once just a loving, teasing kiss became a battle of the tongues. Both Celestia and Jon battled for position, trying to force their tongue into the other’s mouth. Jon, though at a slight disadvantage in that he was sitting down, fought like a lion.

He touched every part of Celestia that he could. He ran his fingers through her feathers, kneaded her flight muscles, stroked her neck and her face. He touched and tickled and teased until the princess’s eyes were glassy and her wings were at full extension.

But it was no use. Her tongue was longer, thicker, stronger than his. Even though he fought back as best as he could—groaning and gasping along with her— she slowly but surely beat his tongue into submission.

“Hmm~”

Jon mewled as Celestia growled hungrily. The smell of vanilla and the taste of wine and sugar—her taste—was beginning to overwhelm him. The chair creaked as the princess pressed more of her weight against him.

Looking into his eyes she began to rub her body against his firmly, possessively, as if she were marking him as hers. He dug his fingernails into the arms of his chair, his eyelids fluttering. His heart was pounding in his chest and his face felt like it was on fire. The butterflies that had been flying around in his stomach were beginning to flutter around with more and more urgency.

His pants were beginning to tighten. He was having trouble breathing. Celestia’s eyes were all that he could see. They were all that he wanted to see. The human was being smothered by the alicorn, and he loved it.

But then, without warning, Celestia pulled away from the kiss with a pop.

Saliva connected their lips as she, breathing hard, leaned back and sat on her haunches. “Do not worry about your shoulder, my little human,” she huskily panted, her eyes shamelessly drinking in his bare chest. “I will do my best to help you ignore the pain~”

Jon, breathing hard, sat up in his chair as she grinned at him. Her horn glowed, and with a spell her royal finery was gone, leaving her as naked as a pony could be. This time, it was his gaze that began to wander.

He looked up and down the princess’s form. A body that he had come to admire. A body that he had, in time, grown attracted to. It was right there, waiting for him to explore, to touch and grope and squeeze.

Dryly gulping, he tried to stand up. Before his butt had left the chair, however, the princess darted forward and kissed him again. Surprised, he sat back heavily as she touched his chest with a wing

“Sit back a moment, Jon,” she asked, licking her lips. “I wasn’t able to unwrap my present completely the other day. So, if it’s alright with you, I’ll like to see that to completion.”

Before Jon could open his mouth to answer, Celestia was already unbuttoning his pants. “I, um, well,” he shuttered, reddening even further as she licked her lips.

With a flick of her wing, his pants were off. After that, she pulled his socks off and tossed them over her shoulder.

Once again, he found himself in nothing but his underwear—which, just like last time, felt far too tight— before the red-faced, panting princess.

“There we are,” she cooed, running a wingtip down his chest. “Just as perfect as I remember…”

The wing traveled lower and lower. It made its way down his chest, past his belly button, until it was at the elastic on his boxers. Lips slightly parted, Celestia continued to trace the tip of her feather across the fabric.

“I could just eat you up…”

Jon gasped as it made its way up the rather impressive tent that he was pitching. He could feel the softness of her feathers through the cloth. His body tensed and his cock throbbed, staining the inside of his underwear with pre.

Celestia, seeing the dollop of wetness seeping through his boxers, chuckled lewdly. “My, my, it seems that you need this just as much as I,” she murmured, leaning down so that the tip of her muzzle was just touching the tip of his length.

Jon sucked in a lungful of air while she let out a quiet groan. Her touch was light enough he could just feel her. A bolt of pleasure made his hips buck gently, causing his length to drag across her face.

Celestia groaned again, her nostrils flaring as she breathed in his scent. “Hmm~. There’s nothing quite like the smell of a young stallion,” she murmured, tugging his underwear down another inch and licking her lips. “The taste is also something to admire. So salty~”

She kissed his tip again, her tongue slipping out of his mouth to lap at his pre-soaked boxers.

“Fucking hell…” the human quietly hissed, his toes curling.

The fact that there was a magical, ever-so-slightly glowing orb watching the two from the ceiling went by the wayside as the Princess of the Sun continued to tease him. In fact, nearly everything was forgotten as he looked down between his legs.

“Celestia,” he whined, the chair creaking again as he pushed against its arms.

The princess, with a small grin on her face, gave his boxers a hard tug.

Jon groaned, his toes curling as his sensitive cockhead dragged against the fabric. Celestia tugged on his underwear again. He lifted up his hips, his eyes glued to hers and his breathing ragged.

“Come on, get it off,” he demanded. “Get the stupid thing off! Please!”

With a final tug, his member was freed from the confines of the too-restricted clothing. Throbbing, it sprung up and slapped the princess on the cheek. Celestia gasped quietly while he groaned.

His hips bucked against the silky-smooth fur of her cheek. His back arched at the feeling of her wonderfully soft fur. Breathing hard, he bucked again. His cock throbbed, spurting pre into the alicorn’s cheek. Seeing this, he let out another groan and began bucking his hips wildly.

He would have continued grinding his length against her face until he coated her face with his seed, if not for the fact that Celestia, with a throaty hum, suddenly pinned him against the chair with her hooves.

“There, there, my little human,” she said, leaning back so that she could get a better look at his maleness. “There’s no need to rush. We have all night for our fun. Now let me get a look at you.”

Licking the pre off of her cheek—making sure that her human lover was watched while she did so—the princess took a moment to inspect his rock hard, throbbing member.

She raised an eyebrow, a look of surprise coming to her face. “Oh my, I believe that I should begin calling you “my big human from now on,” she commented, giving his length a stroke with her hoof. “It is a good deal longer than I was expecting. Thicker too. The head is a bit off, but I imagine that it’ll help make this experience a very pleasurable one.”

Jon grunted. “You don’t have to p-play it up for m-my benefit—” He pause briefly as she traced his tip. “—Princess. I’m a b-big boy, I don—”

“I am not a mare that lies to her lovers, Jonathan,” Celestia interrupted, her eyes glued to his length. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing at all.”

Licking her lips, she leaned forward and blew on his length. Jon’s hips rolled at the sensation, though he managed to keep himself from moaning.

“I can see that you don’t have a knot of any kind, which is very nice,” Celestia continued, reaching down with her other hoof to play with his balls. “And while a stallion is a bit larger than you, you’re thicker.”

She smiled up at him as she positioned her mouth right over his tip. “Now, with that business done, let’s have a taste~”

Without another word, she took his cockhead into her mouth and began to suckle.

The chair’s arms creaked as Jon’s body jerked in both surprise and unexpected pleasure. “C-Christ!”

She began to tease his length with the tip of her tongue, tasting the unique flavor of his cum and his member. Her pace was slow, unhurried, careful. It had been a long time since she had been between a stallion’s legs like this, so she wanted to take her time and see what her new lover liked.

Her caution was not needed however, as Jon shut his eyes tightly. “M-Motherfucker…” he groaned, reaching down to that he could put a hand on the alicorn’s head. Quietly panting, he gave her head a little nudge.

The princess, taking the hint, began to bop. She took more and more of his length, lewdly slurping and sucking. Her tongue began to play more of a role, coiling around his length and squeezing.

Jon began to run his fingers through her mane. He kept his eyes closed, savoring the feeling of her hot, wet mouth, her soft lips as they slide along his length, her tongue.

“That’s fucking nice,” he muttered. “That’s real fucking nice…”

Up and down, up and down. One moment she was kissing and licking his tip, the next she was groaning as she took over half of his length into her mouth, the second after that she was rubbing her lips against the underside of his shaft.

With each bob, Jon could feel himself getting closer. The arm chairs creaked and groaned as he pushed against them, his body tensing and bucking and curling. His toes curled, his fingers dug into the wood of the chair. He found that he couldn’t quite catch his breath.

“Fucking, fucking, fuck…”

Celestia’s groaned again, prompting him to open his eyes. What he saw blew him away.

The princess’s cheeks and chin were coated in pre and saliva. Her cheeks were concaved as she sucked on him hard. Her mane bounced against her neck with each bob of her head. She was looking up at him pleadingly, groaning around his length. She looked messy, disheveled, not at all like the powerful, strong princess that he had come to know.

She wanted him to finish. She wanted to taste him. Wanted to feel him throb wildly into her mouth until he was coating her tongue with his seed.

Whimpering, she pulled back until just his tip was in her mouth. She then began taking inch after inch into her maw. Jon expected her stop at the halfway point, but she didn’t. She continued past the halfway point, down and down and down.

She stopped a few inches from the base. Closing her eyes, she swallowed.

Jon threw back his head and groaned. “Oh sweet Jesus…”

His tip found itself in a place that felt even tighter and warmer than her mouth. Looking down, he noticed that Celestia’s muzzle was pressed up against his lower belly.

She had taken every inch of him. His cock was in her throat.

The thought was more than enough to send him over the edge.

“MotherfuckerI’mgonnaCUM!”

Celestia’s eyes widened as she felt his manhood throb hard in her mouth. Knowing what that meant, coupled with his shout, gave her more than enough time to pull back so that just his tip was in her mouth.

The first shot of sperm was fired out of his tip with so much force that it felt like someone flicked her tongue. The princess couldn’t help but flinch before groaning hungrily, swallowing the mouthful just as another spurt was fired.

One of her hooves began to gently squeeze his balls while the other began to stroke his spit-covered length as quickly as she could.

She swallowed again, drinking his cum as quickly as it came. She tried to swallow a third time but misjudged the spurt and accidently gagged. Instead of pulling back however, she instead pushed forward and swallowed over half of his length, tears in her eyes and cum dripping from the corners of her mouth.

Jon’s eyes crossed. A thunderous crack filled the air as the chair’s arms finally gave way, splintering into a million pieces and falling to the floor.

“Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!” he growled as the princess did her best to milk him.

Nearly two minutes passed before his cock was spent. When he had, in fact, stopped firing he let himself go limp against the chair with a groan.

With a muffled giggle, Celestia began to run her tongue along his length as best as she could, lapping up all the cum that she may have missed.

Jon weakly squirmed, swearing as she slowly slid her lips off of him, letting his cock fall from her mouth followed by a thick dribble of spit and spunk. Sitting back, she showed him the cum coating her tongue before closing her mouth and swallowing.

Jon groaned again, letting his eyes slip close as he did his best to catch his breath.

“It seems that you had more to give than I expected,” the Princess of the Sun said, licking her lips.

Though the effort was herculean, Jon slowly lifted a hand to his face. “I don’t care… if I can get you pregnant or… not,” he panted, running the slightly hand through his hair. “I’m going to… fucking marry you after this.” He exhaled explosively through his nose. “Jesus… I came so hard that I’m seeing… stars…”

“Well, I’m very happy that my skill hasn’t deteriorated as much as I thought,” Celestia said with a grin.

Eyes still closed, Jon reached out with a free hand and touched her muzzle. “Just give me… a couple of minutes and I’ll get… you too,” he promised. “All I need to do is—”

Before he could finish his sentence his whole body wildly jerked, nearly sending him to the floor. Gasping, he managed to catch himself at the last minute, his eyes widening. Celestia flinched at the unexpected and violent movement, her eyes widening as well.

“What the… hell?” he said, looking down at the floor. “What’s…”

His heartbeat began to grow louder and louder. He could feel the blood pumping in his veins, feel the heart pounding in his chest. A loud, nearly overwhelming ringing came to his ears. He licked his suddenly dry lips, frowning as he tasted blackberries. His stomach began doing flips, and his vision began to spin.

Groaning, he closed his eyes as a wave of nausea overcame him.

“Jon? Jonathan?”

Jon’s head snapped up when he felt something on his shoulder. It felt as soft and as warm as anything that he had ever touched. A warm, tingling feeling began to creep down his arm and up his neck.

Looking up, he saw that Celestia was staring down at him in concern, her muzzle still coated in spit and cum. “Jonathan? What’s wrong?” she asked, her voice deeper and slightly distorted. “Are you alright?”

Blinking owlishly, Jon looked down at his hands. They looked three sizes too big for his body. It also appeared that he had grown an extra five fingers for both hands.

“What kind of Willy Wonka drug did Twi shoot me with?” he murmured—his own voice slow and distorted to his ears—opening and closing his hands. “Why is it—ohgod!”

Originating from his chest, a heat exploded throughout his body. It was a fiery, painful heat, the same kind one would feel when eating far too spicy food, but a million times worse.

“Cunting… pissing… fucking…” Jon growled, gritting his teeth and holding his stomach.

The nausea that he had been feeling quickly dissipated. It was replaced by another feeling, one that he couldn’t readily identify.

It was painful, but pleasurable. It burned yet felt soothing. Because of it, every breath felt different. Every little movement that he made, every blink, every twitch felt unbelievable.

His balls began to tighten. His cock, which had been hanging limp, became so hard that it was almost painful.

“Owowowowowowo!” he whined, gritting his teeth.

The ringing in his ears became so loud that it was the only thing that he could hear. A thin sheen of sweat coated his naked body as he became hotter and hotter. The world spun so quickly that it was all that he could do not to throw up.

Then, all at once, the ringing stopped and the world sat still. The heat was still there, but it was moving away from his extremities. That overwhelming hotness left his head, his arms, the tips of his toes, and began making its way toward his groin.

More and more blood poured into his cock, making it so engorged that it felt like something was going to pop. His balls, meanwhile, felt like they were growing to be three sizes larger than they were supposed to be. He jerked and he twitched, not knowing whether to moan in pleasure or scream in pain. Eventually this feeling began to stop as well, allowing him to catch his breath.

“Son… of… a bitch….

Looking down, he saw that his length stood ramrod stiff. It looked longer, thicker than he remembered it. The veins along his shaft stood out very clearly. His cockhead was a deep red. A steady stream of precum was leaking out the tip and making its way down toward his now very fat, very swollen balls.

Breathing hard, Jon looked up Celestia. “That was a… million times worse… than I thought it was going… to be,” he managed to say.

He reached down and gently poked at his manhood. It throbbed in response, sending a jet of cum from his tip onto his belly.

He winced as a bolt of pleasure shot up his body. “Fuck. Sensitive,” he wheezed, looking back up at the princess..

The alicorn’s eyes were glued to his member. She was biting her lip, and he could see that her nostrils were flaring once again. With each inhale, she began to squirm, a look of want and desperation making its way onto her face. Seeing her smelling the air, he took a whiff as well. He managed half a lungful before his eyes widened in surprise.

The scent of Celestia’s arousal seemed stronger now, more enticing. It smelled amazing, better than anything that he had smelled in his life. He wanted to bath in that scent, have it fill him so fully that it would always be with him.

With each breath, his mind began to grow hazy. His cock throbbed hard, wetly slapping against his belly. He bit his lip hard to keep from moaning. Leaning forward, he gently cupped the princess’s face and forced her to look up at him.

“Celestia,” he said breathlessly. “I know you were probably expecting that I was going to return the favor for what you just—” His body tensed as a wave of unbridled lust tore through his body. “—did for me. And I want to. I really, really want to, and I can if you want.”

Another burst of primal hunger made him close his eyes and whimper. Leaning forward, he pressed his forehead against hers and took a few deep, shaky breaths.

“But, could we maybe get to the fucking? Please?” he pleaded. “Whatever Twilight stuck me with is killing me.” The backs of his heels slammed against the bottom of the chair as his cock throbbed again, drenching his cock with cum. He squeezed Celestia’s cheeks together, his face scrunching up as if he were in pain. “I need to fuck something. I need to fuck you right now. Please.”

Celestia was quiet as he looked up at her with big, pathetic eyes. Her gaze traveled down toward his cum-stained member. She smelled the air once more, quivering when his musk hit her nose.

Though her mind was becoming hazy, and her tail was flagging high for all to see, she gave her soon to be lover a smile. “Jonathan,” she murmured, nuzzling his face. “Please. Do with me what you will.”

Jon’s broken chair was kicked halfway across the room as the human, panting hard, hopped to his feet. “Thank you,” he whispered, kissing her nose. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!”

The princess was about to turn herself around to that she could present herself to him, but she wasn’t quick enough. Jon stepped away from the alicorn and darted back toward her flank at a speed that would have made the Wonderbolts envious.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he said, over and over again, grabbing her cheeks and spreading them apart to reveal her soaked, swollen, perfect white lips. “Thank you, thank you.”

The two had planned to make love in their bed, to fall asleep in each other’s embrace after everything was over, but there was no time. The two were far too gone. To them the bed may as well have been a million miles away.

Jon whimpered as he positioned himself against Celestia. Both groaned when his cockhead brushed against her warm, wet folds. The human’s hips jerked, and his fingers dug into her flanks with such force that it would most likely leave bruises.

Celestia’s back arched at the rough treatment. She pressed her backside against his groin, wiggling her hips.

Jon’s hips jerked with such force that he nearly fell over as his member slid along her marehood. His cock throbbed, sending a sizeable spurt of cum onto the floor.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he continued to chant as he positioned himself. “Thank you.”

With one smooth motion, his cock parted the princess’s folds and the first few inches of his maleness sunk into her depths. He groaned, shutting his eyes.

Celestia felt far tighter than she had any right to be. Her insides were amazingly hot and so wet than his entry had been almost completely frictionless. He could feel her inner muscles spasm and tense, massaging and milking his cock in ways that he had never thought possible.

This was when the realization that the princess wasn’t human came back in full force. She was different, from her cunny to her snout she was completely alien. A woman didn’t feel like this. A woman didn’t feel this hot. A woman’s lips didn’t hug his shaft this tightly and grip it like she didn’t want him to go.

And he just couldn’t bring himself to care. Not even a little bit.

Whimpering again, he pulled back and thrust forward again, forcing more of his length into her. Celestia’s inner muscles rippled along his length, making his eyes cross and stealing his breath. The princess bit her lip hard. He had to grit his teeth to keep himself from cumming.

Taking a few shaky breaths to steady himself, he pulled back until just his tip was inside her before he savagely slammed himself forward. Both him and Celestia rocked forward as he hilted in one smooth motion. A wet, meaty smack filled the air as his pelvis met her rump.

“A-Ah~!” the princess groaned, her flank tensing as she threw back her head. “Oh, by the stars! Just like that Jon! Just like that!”

Jon began to fuck the princess hard a hard, fast pace. The air was filled with groans and the sounds of flesh hitting flesh. Celestia’s wings began to extend as she pushed herself backwards with each thrust. Each time that he hilted, she would grind herself against his lap with such force that she’d nearly knock him off his feet.

“Harder,” Celestia commanded. “Harder.”

Jon, hugging his lover tightly, began thrusting faster and faster. He could already feel that familiar ticklish sensation coming on. His cock was twitching hard and often, freely leaking cum into the alicorn’s welcoming marehood.

Even though he had just cum not a five minutes ago, the drug was doing its job. He was sensitive, his balls were churning, and he was nearly ready to cum. He tried to stave off his orgasm for as long as he could, tried to slow down so that he could enjoy the sights, sounds, and feelings that came with fucking the princess, his princess, but Celestia would have none of that.

Almost as if she knew that he was nearing his end, the princess began slamming her big, jiggly rump against his pelvis, forcing him to hilt again and again and again. Her tail also snaked around his middle, keeping him from pulling away.

“Come on, my little human, cum,” she growled, her mane whipping back and forth through the air as she slammed herself against him. “Fill me up. Make me a mommy. Cum in me. Cum in me!”

Jon groaned, wrapping his arms around her barrel and thrusting as hard and as fast as he could. He managed a dozen more jerky, needy thrusts before he found himself racing through the finish line. He bent forward, burying his face into the alicorn’s mane and biting the back of her neck.

“Fucking, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!”

He continued to wildly buck his hips as the first spurt of cum fired from his cock, painting the princess’s insides. Celestia groaned, her back-legs nearly buckling as her inner muscles milked him for his seed. The human cursed, thrusting as spurt after massive spurt fired from his tip into the princess.

Her marehood was soon drenched in the human’s seed. She could feel it churning inside of her, sloshing as his throbbing length continued to pump in and out of her. After the tenth or eleventh load, Celestia found her orgasm as well.

“YES!”” she screamed, her back arching. “Oh stars above, yes!

Her marehood began squeezing his cock hard as a mixture of his and her cum flowed out of her and onto the carpet. She could feel his cum leaking down her marehood, feel it coating her rump and making its way down toward her teats. She was so full. So incredibly, amazingly, fantastically full.

The two of them stood there, shaking and moaning, until their orgasms died down.

Jon, panting, slowly buckled, falling to the ground. Celestia, just as exhausted as him, sunk down with him. The two sat there for a few moments catching their breath.

“Now to keep… all of the cum inside,” Celestia said, her horn glowing.

There was a pop, and a small buttplug appeared. As Jon’s cum-stained cock began to soften, she levitated the plug downward. When the human’s cock slid out of Celestia cunny with a wet plop, she replaced it with the plug.

It might not have been the most elegant of things, but neither she nor Twilight had been able to think of a better way to keep all of the cum inside of her.

Celestia groaned when she felt the plastic sex toy inside of her. She wiggled her hips, making sure that it wouldn’t accidently fall out and send all of her little human’s cum spilling out.

She liked that cum where it was, thank you very much. It was going to be the cum that gave her what she had wanted for a thousand years.

Sweaty and exhausted, but smiling happily, Celestia rested her head against the carpet and closed her eyes. Jon, only half-conscious at this point, slowly crawled around and flopping down beside her.

Hooves and arms intertwined. Jon found himself with his face buried in the princess’s sweaty tuft while she nuzzled the top of his head. One of his hands found its way to her back. The other went to her belly. Celestia hummed, extending a wing and placing it over him as she ran a hoof gently up his spine.

The two were quiet for a long while, basking in the glow of their orgasms.

“Yep. Prince Jon is sounding pretty good right now,” Jon said out of the blue. “Jesus Christ was that fantastic.” He squirmed against her. “I’m not going to be able to walk for a couple fucking days at least…”

Celestia chuckled. “I’m very happy that you think so. You were as superb as I thought you would be.”

Jon sighed, nuzzling his face deeper into her tuft. “Celestia?”

“Yes my little human?”

“I love you..”

The princess looked down at him, her smile widening. Nuzzling the top of his head, she said, “I love you too, my little human.”

In a matter of moments, the two were fast asleep, sweaty and exhausted, but happier than either had been in a long time.

Meanwhile, Twilight—who was busy fanning herself with her notepad in the room over—used her orb to inspect the mess that her old teacher and friend had caused.

The carpet was stained with cum. Pieces of chair were littered throughout the room. Clothes and bits of regalia had been haphazardly thrown every which way, with a horseshoe finding itself lodged in the wall. And then there was Jonathan and Celestia themselves, sweaty and cum-covered and looking absolutely and utterly satisfied.

Awkwardly clearing her throat, she opened her notepad once more and began to write. “S-Su—Ahem. Subjects have successfully completed coitus. Sperm production exceeded expectations.” She let out a puff of air, leaning back into her chair. “Far exceeded expectations.”

Filius Solis

It was a normal weekend in Bonbon’s Candy Emporium. The air was thick with sugar and fudge. Every inch of the store was brightly and tastefully lit. The wooden stands and tables had been polished to a shining hue. All throughout the store, candies of all sizes, shapes, and flavors. Many of these sweet, delicious treats had been made either that day or the day before, and while neither Bonbon or Jonathan considered themselves candy presenters, everything had been set up in a way that caught the eye.

As usual, the store was packed with ponies. There were ponies that either had just gotten off work or were on their break and wanted something sweet to nibble on. Haggard parents were chasing after their bright-eyed child or—lord help them—children, trying to make sure that they didn’t break anything too expensive. The die-hard candy addicts were also there, eyeing the store’s continuously running ovens in the hope that their favorites were nearly done.

The laughter of children, the chatter of ponies, the happy groan as some mare or stallion popped a candy in their mouths and Bonbon’s immediate bark of “No free samples!” was thick in the air.

It was a hectic time. What with the taffy and all of the customers and everything else, both Jon and Bonbon had been running ragged.

They had been running around every which way in the store. Both of their aprons were filthy, covered in sugar and cream and a million other things. Twice Bonbon had been forced to throw ponies out because of fighting over candy. Jon had accidentally burned himself with boiling sugar, something which had amused the kids that had been watching him so much that they had all fallen over laughing.

Neither had gotten a break, and it was doubtful that either would get more than a five-minute break. And the two couldn’t be happier about it.

“Get a move on, Jon. You said that you could do this.”

“I said that I could do as much as you, Bonnie. This is twice as much.”

“Hey now, don’t you go and start complaining! You were the one that wanted to be a big stallion today. So suck it up and work that taffy.”

Jon, covered in flour and sugar and peppermint, rolled his eyes.

For the last half an hour he had been pulling taffy on a metal hook that Bonbon had at the back of the store and boy could he feel it. His forearms were screaming in protest and he could barely lift his arms. He was also breathing hard as sweat dripped from his face.

Usually, taffy pulling only took ten minutes at the most, but, because Bonbon always made way too much of the stuff on the weekends, he was handling so much at the moment that he’d probably be working it for another twenty minutes. This was a problem because every few minutes he was forced to put the taffy back into the heating table so that it wouldn’t become hard and useless, which only served to make the whole process even longer.

“Oh, I’ll suck it up alright,” he grumbled, tossing the taffy onto the hook and pulling on the ends with all of his might. “Hey, can I put the bubble gum extract on this stuff yet?”

Bonbon—wearing her usual apron and white cap—poked her head up from underneath the counter. Looking over at him, she frowned. “Not yet,” she grumbled, producing a tray of fudge and tossing it onto a cooling rack. “You need to keep pulling it until it’s soft.”

“It’s taffy, Bonnie. It’s not going to get any softer than this.”

“Hey, who’s the candy maker here?” she demanded, her trademark scowl on her face.

“Some chubby little earth pony that sucks on saltlicks when she thinks that ponies aren’t looking,” Jon smartly fired, folding the taffy onto itself before pulling on it again.

Bonbon’s eyes narrowed, her tongue poking at her cheek. “…You watch yourself, mister.”

The human couldn’t help but smile. “I love you too, ‘Bon.”

“Mister Jon! Mister Jon!”

Jon, still pulling on the taffy with all of his might, looked over the glass-covered counter that separated their workplace from the shop floor. A group of foals, the oldest being no more than ten years old, were all propped up against the counter, their muzzles smooshed against the glass as they watched him work. He knew each of the children by sight. Every single weekend they would come into the store, poke around at all of the candy, and beg for free treats.

“Hey munchkins, get your snoozles off that glass,” he told them. “Ponies have been rubbing their dirty hooves over it all morning and I don’t want any of you getting sick.”

The foals—three fillies and a colt—did as he asked, though they continued to prop themselves up against the counter.

“Mister Jon! Mister Jon! Are you making taffy?” a pink earth pony with pretty golden braided hair chirped. “Can we try some?”

Bonbon, who was taking bits from a portly unicorn, frowned. “No free samples!” she barked from halfway across the room.

As always, the children paid her no mind, focusing their efforts on the human.

“Yeah, can we try some taffy please?” another asked as her tongue wiggled around in the gap of her two front teeth. “We really wanna try some taffy!”

“Yeah! Taffy’s good!”

“I like taffy!”

Jon, chuckling to himself, pulled the taffy from the hook and carried it over to one of the store’s many heating tables. The children, their tails wagging back and forth in excitement, followed him with their eyes.

“You want taffy?” he asked, already wise to the foal’s tricks. “What the heck do you guys want taffy for? That’s a big pony candy.”

As he knew they would, the children puffed up.

“Hey! We’re big ponies!” One of the fillies said, her voice cracking.

“Yeah!” another shouted, playing with her pigtail. “We all got our cutiemarks and everything!”

“Come on, Mister Jon,” the little colt said, sticking out a lower lip. “Let us have some. Please.”

Jon chuckled again as he dropped the taffy onto the table with a thud. “Are you sure that you want some?” he teasingly asked. “You don’t even know what flavor it’s going to be.”

“We do to!” one of the fillies squeaked. “We heard you talking with Bonbon!”

“Yeah! She said you were making bubble gum taffy!”

“We wanna try some!”

“Yeah! I like bubble gum!”

“Let us have a bit, Mister Jon!”

“Jon! I swear to Celestia if I catch you giving out free samples again I’m going to dock your pay!” Bonbon threatened, staring at him with a scrunched-up muzzle.

Reaching under the counter, Jon pulled out a small vial of bubble gum extract. “You will not!” he called back.

“Don’t you try me, colt. And don’t you put that extract on the taffy yet! You still need to pull it for a while longer!”

Rudely gesturing to his boss—something which, thankfully, went over the kids’ heads— he opened the vial and poured a dash of the concentrated bubble gum flavor onto the taffy. “It’ll be fine,” he assured. “It doesn’t need to be on that stupid hook for half the day, candy butt.”

Bonbon snorted, hoofing a mare an extra-large lollipop. “If you mess up that taffy its absolutely coming out of your pay, Jon.”

“Yeah, yeah, I hear ya,” the human answered, picking up the taffy. Before he made his way over to the hook, he looked over at the kids and winked. “Give me a couple of minutes, munchkins. After I’m done with this I’ll make sure each of you get a little something.”

As he walked away the children quietly cheered, as they always did when they managed to “trick” him into giving them free candy.

Walking over to the hook, he placed the big, sticky glob of taffy right onto it. “Alright you big bitch,” he muttered, taking a moment to take out his sore hands and tired shoulders. “Just a little more and you’re done.”

Though tired, Jonathan took to the task ahead of him like a man possessed, pulling and twisting the taffy. While he might have been just about done, he had to be careful.

This was the most important step in making taffy. If he didn’t make sure that the extract was put evenly throughout the mass of starch and sugar it wouldn’t be fit to sell.

As he worked, the bell on the door jingled, signaling that someone had just entered the store, though he didn’t pay it much mind.

With each pull the room seemed to grow quieter and quieter. The laughing, the chattering, Bonbon’s yelling and thinly veiled threats, all of it—oddly enough—seemed to disappear until a quiet hush had come over the entire store.

As busy as he was, Jon didn’t notice until he pulled the now pink taffy from the hook and carried it over to a cooling rack, where it would be cut up and packaged.

“Hey Bonbon! Do you know if we have any of those cookie sheet bag thingies? I know that you want to use the plastic ones but…”

He trailed off as he finally noticed the eerie silence. Letting the taffy drop to the table and wiping his dirty hands on his apron, he looked out onto the floor.

Every single pony, from mare to stallion to foal, had their heads bowed low. The entire store seemed brighter, as if the sun itself were purposefully bathing the big room in its sunlight.

A mare was standing in the middle of the store. This mare towered over every single pony. Her mane and tail floated through the air as if caught up in some unfelt breeze. A crown adorned her head, and her horseshoes were forged from the finest gold. Her head was held up high and there was a smile on her face. On either side of her stood two guards, their spears at the ready and their eyes warily scanning the crowd.

Princess Celestia, First of Her Name, Princess of Equestria, Lady of the Sun, took a deep breath. “My, my, everything looks and smells wonderful,” she said, cutting through the silence like the sun cut through darkness. “It feels as though I am… well, a filly in a candy store, and a very nice one at that.”

Celestia’s steps were smooth and graceful as she made her way over to Bonbon, who was bowing like all of the rest. Stopping a few feet in front of her, she politely coughed.

"Please, my little ponies, there is no need for formality,” she insisted, looking around the room. “You need not bow on my account. Please, please, rise. All of you.”

Slowly but surely, every pony in the store rose, looking upon the alicorn in both warmth and wonder. Celestia smiled at each and every one of them before turning her attention back toward the candy mare.

“I had heard that you opened up a candy shop, Sweetie Drops,” she said. “But I did not expect it to be as opulent and successful as this. You’ve seem to have done very well for yourself, my little pony.”

Oddly enough, Bonbon looked uncomfortable from the praise. “I, um, thank you very much, your highness,” she said, her eyes nervously scanning the room as she dipped her head respectfully. “And it’s Bonbon, your grace. Bonbon”

The princess looked confused for a few moments, before her eyes widened. “Oh, my apologizes, Bonbon,” she said with a wink. “An old mare like myself never can remember names.”

To the confusion of the crowd, Bonbon began to sweat. “I-It’s not a problem, your majesty,” she said, bowing again.

Celestia inclined her head in turn. “Would Jon happen to be working today?” she asked. “I stopped at his house but he wasn’t there, so I assumed—”

“Celestia?” Jon called from across the store.

The second that his voice carried to her ears, a change overcame the princess. She perked up, her eyes widened. The smile on her face grew three sizes. Her massive, beautiful white wings extended slightly. Behind her, the sun seemed to glow brighter.

“My little human,” she said, with a warmth that made the whole room smile. “It has been far too long. I’ve missed you.”

“You saw me not that long ago,” Jon teased.

Celestia took a step toward him. “A day without seeing you feels like a lifetime, my lord,” she said with absolute sincerity. “The castle has been a dark, lonely place without your radiance to brighten it.”

The human chuckled, reddening slightly. “Easy there with the Shakespeare, hon,” he said. “Like I told you, I just need to wait until Bonnie here finds someone to fill my position. I’ll be up in that big ol’ castle with you before you know it.”

“I will count the days until your light brightens up the darkness of the castle halls,” the princess proclaimed bowing her head. She then looked back over at Bonbon. “Ms. Swee—Bonbon, would it be alright if I borrowed your worker for a few moments? I have something very important to tell him.”

Bonbon, still eyeing every single mare and stallion in the room, nodded. “Yes, of course your highness, he’s due for a break anyway.”

“Thank you very much,” Celestia said with an inclination of the head. “Jonathan? Could you please come over here?”

The room was silent as the two looked at each other. Nothing was said, but if you would have looked into the two’s eyes, you would have known that no words needed to be said.

Hopping over the counter, Jon made his way over to the princess. Celestia, clearly restraining herself, made her way toward him. The two met in the middle of the store, between a table full of cookies and a stand that housed dozens of chocolate figures.

Jon leaned down while the princess leaned up. Hooves and arms intertwined. The human’s face found its place against the alicorn’s chest. Humming, Celestia rested her head on top of his and extended her wings, wrapping them around him. The two sighed, holding each other close and enjoying the closeness, their mingling scents, and the warmth that only came from hugging the one that you cared about.

Minutes ticked by as the two just stood there and held each other. Bonbon, the shop’s patrons, even the guards were completely silent, just watching the two.

There had been rumors about what had happened between the human and the alicorn, whispers of last hopes and the desire for children, but many had just waved it off as gossip. It seemed, however, that it might have been a good deal more than that.

Jon was the one to break this silence. “So… Twilight told me the other day that you had an appointment with a doctor.”

The princess nodded, her grip on him tightening. “That’s right,” she murmured.

Jon closed his eyes and took a deep breath. She smelled exactly the same as when he had left her. Her warmth was just as he remembered. Even her wings had that same perfect softness to them.

Humming, he nuzzled his face against her chest. “Did they say anything?” he whispered.

Celestia hummed, tears forming in her eyes, as she nuzzled her lover. “I have heard that there is a wonderful restaurant that has just opened in Canterlot,” she told him. “From what I’ve been told, they make the finest curry in Equestria.”

A look of confusion and concern came to Jonathan’s face. “Oh?”

The princess nodded. “I was wonder if you’d like to accompany me to this establishment,” she asked, only the slightest quiver in her voice as the tears became fatter and fatter until they were making their way down her cheeks. “Sometime this week perhaps?”

“And what would we be going out for, my princess?” Jon asked, his brow furrowing.

Celestia just smiled, reaching down and touching her stomach. “A celebration of sorts,” she said, her eyes shining.

The world stood still. Not a single person in the store, human or pony, breathed. Outside the shop, ponies walking around the market slowed to a stop, their conversations ceasing. Birds flying through the air froze in mid flight. The world seemed to hold its breath.

Somewhere in the cosmos, Discord sneezed.

The human stiffened. “What?!” he shouted, his eyes wide. “You’re pregnant?!”

Tears of joy streaming down her face, Celestia leaned down and kissed him on the lips. “I’m afraid so,” she said happily. “The doctor conducted an ultrasound. A fetus is beginning to form inside of me.”

A bolt of terror and joy, unlike any that he had ever felt, shot through the human. He pulled himself out of the hug, holding the princess at arm’s length, and looked up at her.

“You’re pregnant?” he asked again in disbelief. “You’re really, definitely pregnant?”

“Yes,” she answered with a sniffle, unrestrained joy on her face. “I am with child.”

Ponies gasped at the princess’s announcement. They began whispering to each other. Many looked shocked, some looked excited, others looked confused. A chubby pegasus, not able to handle the news, slumped to the floor, out cold. But none were as shocked or floored as Jon.

He hadn’t expected it to work. Even though, at this point, there was no one else on earth that he would rather have a kid with, he didn’t think that his baby batter was going to work. It made no sense. A pony wasn’t supposed to be able to have children with a human, but here, Celestia—the mare that he cared for greatly—said that it was not only possible but they had done it.

He was so shocked that if he hadn’t been holding onto the princess he might have fallen over

“You’re going to be a mom?” he asked, dazed. “That means I’m going to be a dad?”

Sniffling again, the princess nodded. “Yes, you’re going to be a dad. The father of our child.”

A murmur swept through the room as she pulled him into a hug once more. Jon, frozen in place, promptly fell over the second that she put the tiniest amount of her weight onto him. The crowd gasped as the two fell over in a heap. A couple ponies took a few steps toward them to see if they were alright, but there was no need. The two had barely noticed the fall.

“…I’m going to be a dad,” Jon murmured stupidly, looking up at the alicorn looming over him. “I’m going to be a dad.”

He continued to mumble to himself, looking up at the ceiling. Celestia, nearly bouncing with joy, began to nuzzle his face.

“I’m going to be a dad…?”

“You’re going to be a dad!”

“I’m going to be a dad…?”

“You’re going to be a dad!”

Blinking, his gaze focused back on Celestia’s face. The light of her sun was bathing her in its golden rays. He sucked in a lungful of air, letting his gaze wander her beautiful, graceful, glowing body.

“I’m going to be a dad?” he muttered, his eyes widening. A smile began to form on his face. “I’m going to be a dad?”

Celestia, tears freely flowing down her face, nodded. “You’re going to be a dad,” she reassured, with just as much joy and happiness as when she had said it the first time.

Jon was quiet for a few moments. He stared into his lover, his princess’s eyes. The confusion on his face slowly began to drain from his face. His smile grew, and with it his excitement.

“I’m going to be a dad?” he asked one last time, reaching up and grabbing Celestia’s withers.

Yet again she nodded. “You’re going to be a dad.”

The soon-to-be father nodded, looking around the room. “I’m going to be a dad,” he said, his eyes lighting up. “I’m going to be a dad! I’m going to be a dad! I’m going to be a dad!”

He whooped and Celestia laughed. The two fell into a heap on the floor. Beside them, a baker’s dozen cookies fell to the floor as the ponies in the store began to whoop and cheer.

Author's Note

Alright, that's it. I hope you guys liked it.