She's So High...High Above Me
Twilight Sparkle did not do anything in half-measure. Most everything the young unicorn did was meticulous, thought-out, and rationalized. And it was this very personality trait that was leading her down a path of deep frustration.
"Ugh," she sighed in aggravation, crumpling up yet another sheet of parchment in her magical aura and tossing it across the foyer of the library. She had been trying to write this letter for two days and had made exactly zero progress.
Her ears swiveled as they picked up the sound of the paper ball hitting something other than wood, turning to find Spike standing there, a concerned look on his face and a sphere of wadded up scroll stuck between two of his head frills.
"What's up, Twilight," he asked in the caring tone that he used whenever it was obvious that his best friend was troubled.
"Oh, nothing," Twilight lied, turning back to her desk to hide any facial expression that might give away her true disposition, "Just having trouble writing this letter."
Spike made his way toward Twilight's desk. If she was writing a letter, surely he could be of at least marginal help. After all, he was the Number One Assistant.
"Anything I can do," he asked, now standing beside Twilight. He noticed her entire body twitch, as if she had been startled.
"Huh," she turned to look down at her companion, her features relaxing after a moment, "Sorry Spike," Twilight apologized, "guess I'm a little on-edge because of this letter. It's funny how different written communication is from verbal. One sometimes thinks that writing something would be easier than saying it aloud, but you still have to find the right words."
Spike glanced up at the fresh scroll that Twilight had laid on her desk. There were only three words written so far, but ones that he was very familiar with.
Dear Princess Celestia,
This was curious indeed, the baby dragon mused to himself. After all, Twilight wrote letters to the princess all the time, whether it was about Friendship Lessons, or scientific or magical research that she had undertaken. For her to spend two days deciding how to word a letter, it must be something more important than any of that.
"What are you trying to write," he eventually asked, after a minute of watching Twilight hold a quill in her magic and not write a single word more.
"It's...complicated," she said, hoping that that would be enough to quell Spike's increased interest, "I'm not even sure I could explain it properly."
"Could you try?"
Twilight's gaze once again fell to Spike. Here he was, trying so hard to be helpful, to yet again assist her when she was having trouble. Yes, he may have been a baby dragon, and may not even fully understand what she was trying to convey. But was he not her first true friend? She owed it to him to at least make an attempt.
Putting her quill back in its inkwell, Twilight gave the young drake her full attention. "Yes, I can."
There was a pregnant pause. For a moment, Spike patiently waited, giving Twilight space to explain her situation at her own pace. But he could see the doubt creeping onto her expression. Had to nip that in the bud before she completely lost confidence.
"Well," he asked with a mirthful smirk, hoping to get at least a positive reaction, if not an answer.
Twilight did indeed give a little smile. "Sorry Spike," she apologized again, "This is just completely new to me and I guess I haven't completely figured it out myself.
She cleared her throat, giving her a few more precious seconds, "To put it bluntly, I think I'm in love with Princess Celestia."
Again, there was a pause, but this time it was Twilight who was expecting some kind of reaction out of Spike. But the one she got was not the one she expected.
"So what's the problem?"
Twilight had expected surprise, perhaps even good-natured chuckles, but not that. It left her speechless for a brief time, as she realized that Spike not only took her feelings completely seriously, but was still determined to create a solution to her conundrum.
"The problem," the unicorn attempted to explain, "is that I don't know how to tell her how I feel. And I'm worried what she might say if I did tell her. That's why I've been trying to write this letter. It stands to reason that rejection would be easier to take via scroll."
Spike's head took on a tilt of curiosity, "What makes you think the princess would reject you?"
"Because I'm her student," Twilight answered before beginning to list off all the reasons she had told herself that her feelings would not be requited, "Because she's a princess and I'm just a pony. Because she's lived countless lifetimes. Because she's known me since I was very young. Because-"
Twilight suddenly found a claw on her lips, a non-verbal, gentle way of asking her to stop.
"I'm not going to act as if I know much about love or romance or any of that," Spike stated, claw still on Twilight's mouth, "If you were looking for good advice, I would suggest Rarity or Cadance. But I'll try my best.
The drake took a deep breath before continuing, "Princess Celestia is a lot of things. She is a princess, she is an alicorn, she has lived a long life. But she is also wise, and caring, and motherly. I don't know whether she would return your feelings, but what I do know is that she would not reject you like some silly filly with a crush. She cares for you very much, Twilight. And, at the very least, she would give you some kind of explanation. An explanation that would be no good to do by letter."
This last bit made Twilight's ear's perk up, and she pulled her head back away from Spike's claw to speak. "Not by letter? Are you suggesting that I go to Canterlot?"
"That's exactly what I'm suggesting."
"But-but what if she just shoots me down," Twilight began to panic, "I-I don't think I could do it. What would I even say?"
The unicorn's train of thought was once again derailed, as she found Spike's claws holding each side of her head, something he only did when she was on the verge of an anxiety attack.
"Calm down, Twilight," the drake said calmly and softly, "I don't know what you should say. These are your feelings, after all. Say what's in your heart. That's what Cadance said to Shining when he couldn't get out his feelings. He thought she was too good for him, too, remember? Yeah, he was rising in the Guard, but she was a princess. He thought he didn't stand a snowpony's chance in Tartarus."
"Language," Twilight mumbled between pursed lips.
"The point is," Spike continued with a smile, "that worked out, didn't it? Cadance never thought he would find the courage to tell her, but he did. And now look at them. Happily married and everything. Princess Celestia might not feel the same way you do. But aren't you going to kick yourself more if you don't find out?"
Twilight's eyes widened. Having said his piece, Spike removed his claws from her head and waited for her to say something.
"I-I never thought of that," Twilight admitted, eyes wide and looking into the middle distance over Spike's head, "I'm so afraid of telling her how I feel, but if I don't...
Her voice trailed off, but not for long. With her face now expressing a certain degree of assuredness, she grabbed up the quill in her magic and scribbled a few words onto the scroll before passing it to Spike.
"Send that letter immediately, Spike," she declared, "I'm catching the afternoon train to Canterlot."
Twilight galloped up to her bedroom. Spike watched her for a moment, before turning his attention to the scroll. He smiled as he silently read the two-sentence message before rolling it up and, with a deep breath, delivered the letter in his usual fashion.
*-*-*-*
The tapping of hooves on marble echoed through the room. But it was not the sound of a pony walking, but rather the sound of an anxious unicorn awaiting the arrival of somepony very important.
As Celestia's protege and top student, Twilight was well-known by the castle guards and staff. And since she had sent her letter in advance, Celestia had already told them to expect her. Thus, when she arrived at the castle, she was escorted to the room where Celestia took her post-court tea. Now all Twilight had to do was wait.
And now the wait was over. The golden double doors opened and in stepped the Princess of the Sun herself. She initially looked a little weary, but perked up and added a smile when she saw Twilight waiting for her.
"Good afternoon, Twilight," Celestia greeted as she made her way across the room to the table where tea had already been set, "It is so good to see you, though I will admit I was a little surprised by the sudden announcement of your arrival. I hope there is nothing wrong."
"No, no, nothing wrong," the young unicorn answered perhaps a little too quickly, "Just something really important that I need to talk to you about."
"Alright," Celestia smiled as she took a seat, "I am all ears."
Twilight tried her best not to hesitate. She had spent the entire train ride up to the capital mentally preparing herself for this moment. Now that the moment was upon her, her resolve waned ever so slightly.
"At first, I was going to send you a letter," she began, "But after spending two days trying to write one, I had gotten nowhere. It wasn't until Spike-"
"Twilight," Celestia interrupted with a warm smile, "Don't bury the lede."
"Right," the unicorn said nervously, taking a moment to regain her bearings, "Princess, in the last week or so, I have come to the conclusion...that I," she gulped, "love you."
Celestia, who had been sitting with her eyes closed in relaxation, now gave Twilight her undivided attention.
"Why were you afraid to tell me that," the solar princess asked, a touch of worry in her voice.
"Because," Twilight answered, doing her best to remain calm, "I was afraid of how you would react, or what you would say. I mean, you're not just a princess, but my teacher, my mentor. I am a pony, your student. I didn't know how I would take it if you said you could never have the same feelings for me."
Twilight's head fell, and her ears folded back. Now it was all out in the open, at least between the two of them. And she couldn't bear to look her princess in the eye. It took some deal of willpower for her not to instantly teleport herself out of the room.
"Twilight, look at me," Celestia said in her same, motherly tone of voice. Upon doing so, the younger pony could see that she was still smiling, "Thank you for telling me, Twilight. I'm sure it was a very difficult decision to come and talk to me face-to-face like this. It is far better for this discussion.
"Twilight," she continued, "Know that I do love you. I love you as a pony. I love you as a student. And I love you as a friend. But there is a difference, of course, between the platonic love of friendship and the romantic love which you are professing.
Celestia could see Twilight's eyes and ears falling again, "But know this also. It has been over a millennium since anypony professed their love to me in such a genuine manner. I have had countless suitors over my long life, all with ulterior motives. Fortunately, I can see through such guises as easily as I can see through a window on a sunny day.
"I love you, Twilight. As a student and friend. I will always love you. And it is possible that I could love you in a more romantic sense in the future," Twilight's head shot up, her ears at full attention, her heart soaring with the possibilities, "Right now, however, I cannot say that I love you in a romantic way. But we have known each other for a long while, and will know each other for a long while yet. There is always the chance that one day I may look at you as somepony more than just my student."
Twilight almost lept out of her seat and hopped around the room. It may have not been a declaration of love, but it was not rejection, either. But she reserved herself.
"I understand, princess," was all Twilight could say.
"I would advise you also to not hold out for me," Celestia stated with a slier smile, "As your life continues, you will meet many other ponies. Perhaps even others that spark the same passionate feelings that you feel for me, or to an even greater extent. Do not overlook those ponies in favor of me. If you are happy, then I am happy."
Twilight nodded. Spike was right, Celestia truly was wise. Not that Twilight didn't already know that, but it was always a treat to see it in action.
"Now then," Celestia said as she finished her tea, "Perhaps we should go have a proper meal. Luna should be awake soon, and I am sure she would like to see you as well. You can return to Ponyville tomorrow. Unless you don't think Spike can survive the night."
Twilight giggled, before smiling and nodding once again. "He'll be fine. Besides, he's earned some private time."
"Now that that's settled," Celestia rose from her seat, "I'll have to make sure the staff know to set an extra plate."
Twilight got up herself and walked over to where Celestia stood. Once they were beside each other, the two ponies walked out of the tea room together, Twilight walking closer to her teacher than usual. Celestia saw this, and said nothing.
