Oh Jesus Oh No Celestia Is Doing It In The Butt!

by Super Trampoline

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Parcel Post, Quibble Pants, Sex, Random, Gabby, Princess Celestia
Length: 1226

Uh oh! Celestia is doing it in the butt! Things can only get shittier from here on out! Haha, get it? Shittier! Because, you know, poop comes out of her butt hole hahaha I'm so funny please help me this is the 4th story I've started this morning.

Uh oh! Celestia is doing it in the butt! Things can only get shittier from here on out! Haha, get it? Shittier! Because, you know, poop comes out of her butt hole hahaha I'm so funny please help me this is the 4th story I've started this morning.

Published 2017-03-31 20:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-31 20:50:01 UTC

Chapter 1

Oh no! Celestia is doing it in the butt! Our great fearless leader of the sun and also of eating cakes and stuff currently has a horse penis esconsed in her rectum! Oh dear, that must hurt! But lo, the Princess enjoys it, for she is a large mare with a large bum hole. Hark, she is moaning eroticly! And what brave stallion doth penetrate her defenses? Aye, it is Parcel Post! You know, that one Mail stallion who shows up a few times a season? He has a character tag now! I wonder if he played a larger roll in one of the season 6 episodes I missed or something. Who knows, not I! He is a very frisky pony though, going at it with Celestia! What fun for two concenting adults to have anal sex! Celestia's anal sphincter tugs upon the Mail pony's turgid member! Back and forth back and forth goes the girthy shaft! Grunt, grunt grunt Parcel Post! For ye are boning the Princess! How often can one claim to be having sex with a princess?

Shut up Shining Armor you don't count.

Ugh, gross Discord. I don't want to know the details of your conjugal shennanigans with Twilight. No no no I didn't need to hear that! Go away!

Oh, fuck, Luna is apparently forever engaging in coitus with the night guards. Okay apparently on Celestia is a rare lay.

Jeez I'm losing steam here. Okay so yeah, Parcel post delivered a package to Celestia and she invited him in for tea. And low, now he delivers his package into the end of Celestia's digestive track! Sqloosh! Sqloosh his shaft quivers as his virile semen floods her anti chambers! What ephemeral ecstasy though for the stallion, climaxing within a minute, as stallions are apt to do. Seriously, go watch some YouTube videos if you don't believe me. Horses, originally being prey species, copulated rather rapidly to avoid, you know, getting eaten while fucking.

Except for a few that are into that. Remember that scene in the original 1986 My Little Pony movie with the plant that gets kinky with the two witches? Don't believe me? Watch for yourself.

What's that? YouTube wants to charge you four bucks to watch a shitty kid's film from the eighties? Don't worry; I got you fam: Complete movie on Veoh Fast forward to after the Rainbow of Light's first victory over the Smooze, when the witch threatens to do bad stuff to her daughters because they didn't get the floom. Then they go get the floom and things get kinky.

Anyway, I ain't embedding any horse sex YouTube videos here. I enjoy not being banned. Go search that stuff out yourself. It's not that hard. Unlike Parcel Post's post! OHHHHHHHH! He ejaculates with great fervor into Celestia's butt hole, but she is not sated; the thirsty mare lusts for me.

And lo, who doth appear, but Gabby the Griffon! Oh no! Is this that kind of fic? Fear not, brave reader, for this story takes place an unspecified amount of time in the future! Gabby's eighteen now, so everything is okay! You can clop to this with a clean conscience!

Okay who are we kidding if you clop to this mess of a story you have problems. Not even Sunset Shimmer is that fucked up!

So yeah, Gabby was just delivering her latest friendship report to Celestia in person because she ain't about that magic dragon fire shit, and Oh my, she has stumbled upon Santorum leaking from Celestia's arse okay seriously I'm running out of synonyms and euphemisms for both rectum/ass and sex in general, so expect some recycling to happen soon.

How, pray tell, did this nubile gryphon on the cusp of...well it wouldn't be marehood, would it? Henhood? I dunno; I'm not gonna think on this one too much. Anyway how did she react to seeing a combination of jizz, lube, and shit leaking out of Celestia's rear end?

She went to town and scarfed it all up! Have you ever had a griffon use her beak to pry your ass open like a speculum*

*I literally just opened an incognito tab and searched "what do you call the metal object that holds open a vagina". Thank you Wikipedia for coming through. This is why I throw ten bucks a month your way.

while going to work on the insides of your rectal cavity with her tongue? Celestia almost came right then and there. Gabby is one nasty fucker, and she started fingering her taint with one claw, and fingering Celestia's cooch with her other front claw. Far fucking out, dude. She gave new meaning to the term shitfaced.

Well fuck me three ways to Tuesday, we still have a bunch more characters I randomly selected to participate in this Bacchanalian hellscape!

Oh no I just used a dumb neologism no that's not the right word. Catchphrase? Idiom? Exclamation? Idiolect? Let's go with Interjection. I've got another one coming! Butter my butt and call me a biscuit, there's only one other story on Fimfiction tagged with Parcel Post right now! We better rectify that. More like rectumfy, am I right? Oh boy, what a kneeslapper please help me I'm 3,000 in debt I'm supposed to be working right now not writing shitty My Little Pony Fanfiction after spending all morning masturbating, fantisizing of actually having sex at BABSCon and thus losing my virginity before my 25th birthday, which is April 19th, three days after BABSCon. But I gotta lose more weight first.

Anyway who else should show up but Quibble Pants! He was ready to raid Celestia's tomb IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

Honestly most of the good images with both the "Quibble Pants" and "Suggestive" tags are from Rainbow Dash talking dirty, not the other way around. Oh hell, here's two for good measure:

Quibble pants had come (no, not that type of come... yet) to the castle to deliver a report on the state of Dakimakuras in Equestria. He was of course a connoisseur of body pillows, himself owning no less than thirteen Daring Do Dakis! Anyway he came to deliver the report Celestia had commissioned, but then he saw that she was, uh... yeah pretend there's a joke here or something. Fuck. Hopefully I'll think of something before I finish this. So anyway, Quibble Pants had been travelling all over Equestria, testing out the cuddling and fantasizing suitability of hundreds of dakimakuras under the Princess's order. God that's a flimsy plot. Unlike Celestia's which Gabby was currently eating out. But Celestia still had a couple of holes that needed filling, so Quibble dived in, throwing his muzzle into his leader's muff. Unf. Good stuff. Spelunking and all that. Aroused by the syrupy juices of the diarch, Quibble swiveled his soon erect cock toward's Celestia's mouth, and she began to deep throat it.

What an orgy! What a scene! What more could it need? Well, Originally I had an "Anon" tag slapped to this masterpiece of erotic fanfiction, but even I have some standards. Unlike you. Why are you reading this?

Fucking horse fucker.

Author's Note

Leave a conclusion in the comments.

Parcel Post, burying whatever little remaining integrity he had after that hot dumpster fire