Life sucks, but it's OK. Of all the sorry monkeys contaminating the earth, Princess Luna has chosen you. The spiritual link she has forged with you makes her your waifu. Right? Sure, she only looks at you once or twice a day and doesn't let you within five feet of her, but deep down you know she loves you to death.

NOTE: Some may find material in this story offensive. The views of the characters are not necessarily those of the author. Read at your own risk. Rated Mature for language and graphic violence.

NOTE 2: The optional chapter, "Killing You", contains horror movie-style violence. DO NOT read if that isn't your thing. It is not for research purposes.