The Twilight Show

by deadpansnarker

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, Sad, Main 6, Princess Luna, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Spike, Random
Length: 1586

On The Air. Unaware. And A Mare.

Twilight has done many wonderful things in her life, from saving the world on multiple occasions, making seven of the bestest friends ever and having the most well polished set of silver cutlery this side of Equestria.

One teensy problem though: none of it is actually real. As she's about to find out...

Published 2017-08-12 05:40:07 UTC
Last updated 2017-08-12 05:40:07 UTC

The Show Begins: Prologue

It is a truth universally acknowledged, but rarely spoken, that it’s every little colt and filly’s dream to one day be a global superstar.

Some will stumble along the way, accept there’s a limit to their grandiose aspirations and eke out their days in a more menial environment, such as: horseshoe-shining maybe, or part-time work at one of the many profitable fast food franchises scattered about. They might not fatten your wallet, but the same can’t be said for your stomach. Not exactly how their parents might have envisaged their once-promising futures, but the bills have gotta be paid somehow… right?

Some will garner some small sliver of success, perhaps achieving notable advances in the fields of business or science, but lacking the prestige necessary to be household names as they trot down the street ignored by all. Such comfortably middle-class equines however would probably sneer at the mindless frivolity regarding the soul-crushing cult of celebrity, and as long as they’re satisfied with their mediocre lot in life, why should we bother them?

Some tread water in the perilous tides of immortality, becoming well-known and respected actors, singers or some other glitzy profession to keep them simmering in the public eye. Maybe, instead of obtaining prominence utilising the normal methods, they might find themselves married to somepony very renowned or only date them on a temporary basis.

This could be all it would take for their photographic profile to be scattered across the newspapers and the paparazzi to be lurking around every street corner, desperately seeking that elusive shot of the hot new couple holding hooves or, even better, smooching up a storm.

Such personal intrusions imposed on everyday ponies are not always welcomed, which highlight the undisputed fact that sometimes those who go courting fame will not find it, while those who wish to live out their days in relative peace and anonymity might find themselves the unwanted recipient of having a lens shoved in their muzzle whenever they went out for a stroll to the market.

This effortless segway brings us neatly to the star of our show, in more ways than one. We’ve spoken of some of the ways one can simply drift through life loved only by their family and friends, or adored by an entire nation whenever they take centre stage. None of these individuals however, could possibly ever hold a candle to the heights reached by the pony we’re about to discuss in this very publication (100% official, naturally).

Let’s do a little checklist of her many accomplishments up till now, shall we? As if you, as a loyal viewer, weren’t aware of them already:

She’s formerly a popular Canterlot librarian and Celestia’s top student. She’s currently the Element Of Magic holder and the Princess Of Friendship. She’s also saved her world more times than you’ve had hot dinners, as well as being the best darn friend you could ever wish to meet.

She’s even got the lead in the most popular TV show on her network, as well as a movie hitting the cinemas this Autumn. Book your tickets now: I already hear tales of ponies camping out for miles around just to be first in line for those early preview screenings.

Oddly enough though, she won’t be making any personal appearances to promote the already nailed-on box office hit of the season. Neither is she the slightest bit wealthy as a result of her huge fame, living only off the proceeds of what she earns from her regular job and spending her few spare hours voraciously reading and training others in the arts of magical enchantments.

In fact, one might even say she’s completely in the dark of her alter-ego as the biggest television star of the era, and a future matinee idol. How does she stay so down-to earth and humble, despite being her equine features being printed on many a child’s lunchbox, and her smiling lavender face beaming back at you from her numerous admirers’ walls?

The answer to that pertinent question is pretty simple, dear reader. The basic fact is that nopony bothered to ask her permission first before making her this way or foisting her into this never-ending limelight.

Everything she does, everything she is… purely an illusion to satisfy an insatiable nationwide curiosity for her escapades. The friends she’s made, the villains she’s fought, the world she’s saved… all fakes. In fact, everything in her little bubble can be described thus, save for one thing: herself.

All of her reactions to supposedly life-threatening events were completely genuine. Despite her surroundings being little more than expensive smoke and mirrors, the naively trusting pony truly thought her life along with many others was in very real danger, and she accordingly put in the performance of a lifetime every occasion she fought against the deadliest of foes (and the hammiest of actors).

Tirek, Discord, her now student Starlight Glimmer, each one was vanquished using approaches both diplomatic and mystical, with the mare’s talent for ad-libbing never failing to impress the producers or the captive audience watching at home.

Needless to say, she easily swept the prizes at every single award ceremony for which she was nominated. Some of her classic performances ranged from her shocked portrayal while ascending to alicornhood, her panicky look of desperation as she rushed to foil a dastardly Changeling Queen from marrying her ’brother’, and the single teardrop that rolled down her cheek as she witnessed her beloved treehouse being destroyed by an errant magic blast. (Real cause: detonation… focus groups had decided it was just not on for such a beloved character to live in such ramshackle conditions, and the makers had moved quickly to make the necessary adjustments).

Of course, she was never there to collect the major honours for herself, being cooped up inside the biggest outdoor studio (nicknamed EQUESTRIA 1) ever constructed as she was. Life for her was just one Cutie Map quest after another, sprinkled in with the occasional comic relief hi-jinx involving her bestest buddy Spike and a few friendship lessons courtesy of her close-knit circle of six friends, all popular thespians in their own right, of course.

Even the most minor of events such as preparations for Winter Wrap up and the removal of a local bat colony were greeted fondly by hysterical viewers, despite the fact that even the studio admitted such throwaway segments were little more than ‘filler episodes’. The baying crowd just couldn’t get enough of this charmingly modest Princess, forever screaming that they wanted more more more.

To take full advantage of this apparent endless infatuation with their biggest star, the producers duly obliged by milking her for all she was worth (not literally, of course… but that probably would’ve sold as well). There was now Twilight Sparkle play sets, Twilight Sparkle royal dresses and even highly breakable plastic Twilight Sparkle Friendship Castles on the shelves at all good toy stockists.

As well as being shameless profiteering, this tacky merchandise also served a dual purpose of funding the production of the show… after all, it wasn’t easy pushing herds of ponies into all the right spots for a 24 hours a day internet stream of course, and those million or so tiny microscopic cameras weren’t about to pay for themselves, either.

You might wonder how one mare could be so blithely unaware of the shameless exploitation of her good self going on all around, but the answer to that is the most easy of explanations. She was brought by the studio at an early age from a poverty-stricken orphanage, with the entire shady premise for a year-long reality TV show based around the mishaps of an unsuspecting egghead from cradle to grave finally unleashed from the depths of Development Hell to an appreciative global viewership.

Being raised and growing up in this closed-off environment, the young foal never suspected for a single second anything was askew, despite a few hiccups along the way we might delve into later. She continued on with her normal fillyhood and promising studies in Canterlot, completely oblivious that her every move was being broadcast across every major network outside the sealed off dome where she lived out her pre-written days by hack writers.

Everything seemed to be going like clockwork, the unprecedented level of success of the ambitious set-up would surely linger forever. The show had just been renewed for it’s record-breaking 19th successive season (nopony dared ask what might occur if it was cancelled), toys were outselling hot cakes five to one and the upcoming film should cement Twilight’s status as the most recognisable face in the known universe. Yes indeed, life was grand… unless you were the poor sucker imprisoned inside a snow globe, stuck on a predestined treadmill for the rest of your miserable existence, of course.

Fate however, has a funny way of spinning the wheel… and we’re about to find out that sometimes even the most predictable of scripts have a way of throwing in a few little twists here and there, leading to a conclusion that hardly anypony saw coming.

Author's Note

I saw a certain movie during my recent two week break, and formed the nucleus of this fic in my overburdened head. Not being a fan of ongoing plot bunnies, I decided to commit it to type as quickly as possible... so here yer go. Let me know what you think please, more to come very soon (I hope)... :pinkiehappy: