Discord Teaches Science

by Fillyfoolish

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Discord, Princess Celestia
Length: 1081

Discord teaches science to none other than a Ms Princess Celestia.

What's a better way to enjoy a weekend than quiet? Learning, of course!

Discord will help for only $19.95! Songs and bad word play sold separately.

It's not random -- it's chaos!

Somehow this is fourths fault.

Published 2017-10-21 23:40:07 UTC
Last updated 2017-10-21 23:40:07 UTC

The Butterfly Effect

Princess Celestia sat peacefully within the Canterlot Castle, sipping tea on a quiet Saturday. She hummed to herself in a pleasant quiet unheard of in her royal life. Days like this were far and few for the princess – indeed, she enjoyed solitude once in a while. Not even her sister was awake to disturb her. There was no better use of an early morning.

The princess could have stayed like this for hours. But to other creatures in Equestria, no silence could remain unbroken. Out went her gentle humming, in came a pop and a snap and a boom. A wild draconequus has appeared!

“Discord! How… surprising to see you here… again.” The Princess greeted her uninvited guest with an unwavering yet stiff smile – the same cordial look usually reserved for her government associates during the week.

A tall black top hat materialised on Discord’s head, just in time for him to tip it with a mischievous grin, followed by its vanishing back into thin air. “’Tis always a honour,” he replied with a low voice.

The princess looked around the room awkwardly, avoiding a stare. Clearing her throat, she continued, “What brings you here?”

Discord brightened up. He wasn’t about to sing a song… right?

A microphone materialised in front of the being, along with a full orchestra staffed by mini draconequi with enough cacophony to make any member of the Royal Orchestra cringe. Their lead singer, Discord the Original, the One and Only, tapped the microphone for a measure, and began to belt.

Open up a book of magic,
and what you’ll learn is all but tragic.
They forget the real wonder
As teachers teach a magic blunder.

My dearest Celestia,
Learn some science-estia!
With chaos theory, all goes poof –
The pudding’s in the proof!

Thermodynamics, law number two
Never with chaos is order anew!
When you have my entropy,
You exude with untapped heat!

My dearest Celestia,
Learn some science-estia!
Please, let’s skip the pleasantry –
It’s time to learn some chemistry!

A pair of substances unite,
They’re filled with exothermic light.
CO2 pumps out of the dark,
It only takes a little spark.

My dearest Celestia,
Learn some science-estia!
Teacher, teacher, teach me, Sun
Let’s have some academic fun!

Celestia sat stupefied. She opened her mouth a few times, then closed it quickly after. After a long hesitation, she slowly clapped her hooves. Deciding her words carefully, she commented, “That’s very interesting, Discord.”

Disappearing his entourage of clones, Discord leaned forward, his eyes barely an inch in front of hers. Drawing out his speech, he queried, “Aaand?”

The princess sighed. “And, ugh, thank you for the educational opportunity.”

Discord leaned back with a satisfied smirk. “I was talking to my good friend in Ponyville, what’s his name – the time physician –”

“Doctor Whooves?”

“Yes, yes, him, whatever. Anyways, he was teaching me all these wonderful lessons about science and mathematics. He was so generous; he even lent me some textbooks. Aren’t we lucky to have such wonderful ponies in Equestria?”

“Quite,” the princess replied, her smile even stiffer. “I’m sorry, but where are you going with this exactly?”

Discord grinned, tapping his head with a talon. “I was sitting outside my quaint little cottage, reading a delightful passage about physics in Equestria. Really, of all the sciences, physics must be my favourite; it is just so fun to tinker with, isn’t it? I was positively fascinated by the information about electromagnetic attraction. What’s more, it had a lovely description of one of my favourite forces. And I quote, ‘Gravity is the physical attraction to celestial bodies’.”

Celestia blushed, glancing at her cutie mark.

Discord continued. “I sat there thinking, like Sir Isaac Neighton under an apple tree, just how much this gravity was pushing down on me.”

“I thought your realm didn’t have any gravity?” Celestia corrected.

Discord ignored the remark and begun to pace around the room, gesturing dramatically throughout his unsolicited monologue. “I was thinking about this massive weight on my shoulders. I was totally lost what to do – what a tragedy, Princess! The book was right. All my life, this attraction has been weighing down on me, through air or through stone. I simply cannot get these thoughts out of my head; one day they were dropped and for a millennium they’ve continued to fall at 9.8 meters per second per second. When I say my brain is where the chaos comes from, I really mean it. Nothing stays straight in here!”

Celestia remained still, her blank countenance betraying nothing with the loyalty of a Royal Guard in battle.

Discord halted. He sighed in supposed defeat. Magicking himself to have the eyes of a young filly begging her mother for another sweet, he prepared for the supposed hardest moment of his life. He cleared his throat, and with the sound of tears held back, he elaborated, “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m falling for you.”

He snapped to conjure a rose with his face on it, which promptly flew to Princess Celestia’s regal form, “gravity” in action. Discord blushed, and the flower disappeared in another pop of inexplicable magic.

Still, throughout a sparsely prepared song, a series of poorly crafted double entendres, a spiel detailing pent up romantic frustration from a long time friend, and romantic objects pelted at her butt – throughout the chaos, the princess kept her stoic pose. Ignoring the pleading eyes of the “guest of honour”, she reflected on the situation at present, slowly pouring over the bizarre events characteristic of the draconequus. The physics, the forces, the attraction, and of course, Neighton’s Law of Universal Gravity. If she had reached a realisation, she did not show it.

She looked up in mild annoyance. “Discord?”

“Yes?” he replied, his attempt at a cute appearance failing as a cunning grin seeped through.

Celestia blinked a few times, trying incredibly hard to remain calm.

“Discord.”

Celestia glanced at an imprint of a disappeared rose on her cutie mark.

“Are you calling me fat?”

Author's Note

Written around the line "Gravity is the physical attraction to celestial bodies", rather close to what I heard in my physics class. Everything else flowed from there. Don't take this seriously, please :pinkiecrazy: