Eldritch Fun Times

Chapters

Eldritch Fun Times, Part I
Eldritch Fun Times, Part II
Eldritch Fun Times, Part III
Eldritch Fun Times, Part IV
Eldritch Fun Times, Part V
Eldritch Fun Times, Part VI
Eldritch Fun Times, Part VII
Eldritch Fun Times, Part VIII

Eldritch Fun Times, Part I

The initial buzz was wearing off, and Rainbow checked either side of her. Two stuffed dog heads bounced on her shoulders as she flapped her wings. They looked a lot less impressive than she’d hoped.

Feeling she should shake it up a bit, this year she’d dropped the usual sports-related costume and gone for something a bit more horrific. And she’d thought about Tartarus and dark dogs, and eventually hit upon the idea of dressing as Cerberus. What said “Tartarus” louder than a three-headed heck-hound?

Trouble was that she’d wanted it leaner, meaner, with fire-breathing red bits coming out of its mouths and snakes coming out of its fur. Twilight had patiently explained that no, the real Cerberus was not a Doberman and not a hybrid monster, and anyway he wouldn’t breathe fire unless he ate Grim Reaper chili peppers.

His snouts were supposed to be stubby and rounded, not long and pointed. That meant she basically had two black balls bouncing on her shoulders now. It was just embarrassing.

Still, as she followed the path below and heard the squeals and chuckles of foals far behind, as she closed her eyes against the cool night air ruffling her exposed face, and as she thought of her motley crew of monsterized friends back at Twilight’s castle, she rubbed her hooves with glee. Wolves howled. The moon haunted the starry sky. All was darkness beyond Ponyville’s lit windows and crackling bonfires. She knew this Nightmare Night was going to be a blast.

The mist closed in around her.

At first, she shrugged it off. This far out of town, mist was hardly unusual, especially when the Everfree forest was a few minutes away. Yet as she continued, the mist grew thicker and caught more moonlight. Soon, she was flying through a pale haze, barely able to pick out dark tree trunks until they loomed right at her.

Fear flickered in her chest. She flapped her wings harder, and the pegasine magic caught against the strands clouding around her. Obediently, the mist drew back.

Rainbow licked her lips. Sweet! They’d really outdone themselves tonight. Unless…

Hey! Perhaps even Fluttershy was getting into the spirit of the thing? Rainbow sighed. Much as her friend preferred to sit in a cottage and hide than go door-to-door in cosplay – and that was her right to do so, of course, Rainbow wouldn’t think any different – it would be nice if she suddenly decided to be different and join them. Not that anyone was gonna force her. No siree.

A snowflake floated past.

Rainbow frowned. Nah. Probably just a speck of dust…

Another one floated past. Two floated past. A scattering of snowflakes drifted by. Then the air quietly swarmed with the things.

Rainbow’s frown deepened. Snow? At this time of year? Had someone mucked up the schedule?

Whistling winds hit her face. A blizzard of white blurs snatched at the fabric clinging to her body, which began shivering.

No… this was wrong.

Panic seized her chest.

“Fluttershy!” She shot forwards, beating her wings hard against the ever-present push of the whistling winds, narrowing her eyes against the blinding flakes already roosting on her cheeks and pricking her eyes.

A quick angle of her wings, and the pinions caught against the headwind and she spiralled. The technique was to whip up an eddy and then funnel the worst of the flakes into it. Already, the world around her was a blur, and the forces gripped and squeezed at her joints and stretched along her skin and began burning the muscles along her back under the effort.

Thick gusts knocked her aside. Briefly tumbling, she yelped and tried to flap, to right herself. Clouds bounced off her chest and flanks and saddle. She felt the heads bouncing against her ears.

Which way was up? Which way was down? She growled and forced herself to pick a direction and shoot off. She braced herself for impact –

And all was gone. She emerged in starry sky and under the moon. Surprised, she flipped over to check behind.

A ring of white flashed and streaked around a central point on the ground far below. Outer edges of the ring tumbled gently round and round, but near the centre, they were howling white and she heard the crack of trees under the strain. Only a small cottage marked the eye of the storm.

“What the –?” Rainbow dived down. She knew for a fact Fluttershy wasn’t this accomplished at weather management. She certainly wasn’t the sort to recruit weather teams for a private blizzard of her liking. For one thing, she lacked bribe money.

The Everfree Forest, on the other hoof, had plenty of weather-shapers.

She thought she heard, over the winds, Fluttershy’s shrill scream.

“Hold on! I’m comin’, Fluttershy!”

Panicking, she shot across the inner slopes of the storm – so densely packed that they looked like solid ice walls flickering – rammed into the door, tumbled, yelped, skidded, tried to use her wings as a parachute, and smacked straight into the opposite wall and hit the ground hard.

Overhead, ghostly birdhouses swam in her vision. It was a while before she realized she was seeing double. They resolved into solid, dangling structures, with interested chickadees and robins cocking their heads at her.

“Ow…” she groaned. Her legs had trouble responding at first, but several months of Wonderbolt training rallied to attention.

Urgently, she flipped over and spun round. “Fluttershy! Don’t worry! I’m gonna get you… out of… uh…”

Fluttershy was on the sofa. So was Angel Bunny. So was Harry the Bear. So were several assorted squirrels, racoons, snakes, songbirds, and spiders.

Most of them were holding, or sitting next to, or perching on the brims of, little tea cups.

All of them were staring at her.

Fluttershy took a sip and then lowered hers. “Hello, Rainbow Dash,” she said with unexpected calm. “Is everything all right?”

“Um,” said Rainbow, who’d expected a bit more terror than that. Her legs wobbled trying to fight the aftershock and the confused fear.

Meanwhile, her mind looked for something to latch on to.

“You’re having tea?” she said.

Fluttershy looked down at her steaming cup. “Uh…”

“A tea party? Now!?”

“Oh yes,” said Fluttershy happily. “I always do on Nightmare Night. Oh dear. I’m so sorry. Did you want to join in?”

“Wha?”

“Well, I thought you’d be out getting something sweet to bite with Twilight and Spike and Applejack and Rarity and Pinkie Pie. That’s why I didn’t send an invitation. Uh…”

Going for broke, Rainbow pointed at the window – on average, at least, since her hoof wobbled a bit – and said, “You do know there’s a blizzard outside, right?”

For the first time, Fluttershy smiled broadly and took a sip of warming tea. Briefly, Rainbow envied her friend’s sheer unflappability. She could do with some right now.

“Oh. Is there?” said Fluttershy, and she nodded. “That’s good. For a moment, I was worried he’d forgotten all about it.”

At which point, Rainbow’s legs gave up and she fell over. There was no understanding some ponies.

Eldritch Fun Times, Part II

Luckily, the stuffed dog heads cushioned Rainbow’s own head from impact.

Rainbow Dash sat, still swaying and feeling a little woozy, on the settee. She was starting to wonder if she’d hallucinated Fluttershy’s scream, or confused the howling winds for her howling friend. Maybe she’d almost wanted it to be something exciting, because she knew, deep down, that Fluttershy was about as exciting as a rainy Sunday afternoon with Grandma.

Whereupon she took another slurp of hot chocolate, and in so doing picked up and chewed one of the melting marshmallows. Too much thinking. Not enough drinking.

“He’s just out back getting the ice cream for Angel’s Special,” said Fluttershy. Angel Bunny himself lounged on the tabletop, glaring at his mug and tapping a foot impatiently.

“Who is?” said Rainbow, raising an eyebrow.

“Discord, of course!”

“But I thought he only came over –”

“He does. It’s just that this time, his special day happened to be Nightmare Night. Oh, he’s so excited about it. He’s never really taken part in it before.”

Rainbow glowered at her. Of course, Fluttershy meant well, and she had just given Rainbow Dash a seat and a drink of her own, but…

“Is this what he usually does, then? Just sits around drinking tea?”

“Sometimes, we have cookies.”

“I meant… you have a tea party with Discord, the Master of Chaos, can’t go two seconds without turning something into something else… and you just drink tea?”

“Uh huh. That’s what a tea party is. And sometimes we have cookies.”

Feeling vaguely disappointed, Rainbow Dash added, “Nothing else?”

“Er… if we don’t want cookies, we have cakes.”

“What do you actually do?” said Rainbow, who was surprised to realize she’d never asked before. But then, the less she had to do with tea parties and the more she had to do with triple backflips, the better.

“We swap stories too. Discord’s ever so funny!” Fluttershy took a sip and sighed. “Like this one time, he was designing a new adjoining room for Princess Luna at Canterlot, and she wanted it to be a frieze-sided pentagon – that’s a shape with five sides –”

“I know what a pentagon is,” snapped Rainbow.

“Oh… sorry…” Fluttershy coughed and looked away briefly. “With… round-edged buttresses and crescents all over it.” Regaining her cheer, she continued, “Only… heehee… sorry… it’s so funny… he got the instructions mixed up with his breakfast order and… heehee… made a three-sided pentagon rounded off with free-range eggs and buttered croissants!”

Fluttershy alone laughed, albeit behind a polite hoof. Even her animal friends exchanged blushes and shrugs.

Rainbow frowned. “But if it’s three-sided, then how can it – uh, never mind. Look, what’s with the –”

The sound of a trumpeting elephant matched the rising red star that materialized, flared, swelled, and then vanished beside them. Emerging in a burst of red confetti, Discord the Draconequus landed next to the table, startling swarms and flocks off the sofa and into various boltholes. Only Harry and Angel were unfazed.

“Guess what I got!” Discord held up a tray of sundaes. Rainbow stared. Eight glasses stood up on the tray… but ten actual ice creams sat on top…

Discord’s smile faded at the sight of her. “Rainbow Dash? My, my, if I’d known we were catering for one extra, I’d have brought one extra.”

“I’m not staying, before you ask.” She glanced out the window. “Wait a minute. You did that? Fluttershy, why would you ask Discord to put up a blizzard?”

A puff of smoke, and a much smaller Discord stood between her and the blizzard, one eagle claw resting against the window frame as he leaned. “Really, Rainbow Dash. Isn’t it obvious? No matter how many times dear Fluttershy makes it clear, there’s always some dim-witted foal who’ll try his or her luck at the cottage door. The blizzard’s just to give them a hint. With my own special touch, of course.”

“Discord!” said Fluttershy warningly. “Don’t call ponies ‘dim-witted’. It’s not nice.”

“Oh, all right. Some intellectually challenged foal, if you prefer.” He vanished with a flash. Disembodied, his voice added, “And why have you got two pom-poms on your shoulders?”

Rainbow wished she had a body to glare at. Instead, she had to settle for glaring at the spot he’d just vacated.

“They’re not pom-poms! They’re part of my costume. They’re supposed to be Cerberus heads, if you notice the faces.”

Discord wiped into existence with a fanfare of bagpipes. He squinted, and then chuckled. “Oh dear, I hope Cerberus never finds out. If he understood the concept of law, he’d sue you for slander.”

Rainbow swallowed her pride. Were Fluttershy not there, she’d let out a volley of shouted words. It had taken hours to get the costume right. Still, decorum was decorum… whatever “decorum” was. She settled into the stuffed seat.

“So,” said Fluttershy, keen to defuse whatever tension had been planted in the conversation, “Rainbow, why did you come and see –”

“Hey, Discord. I thought you’d be out and about on a night like this,” Rainbow said, not sure herself if she was being polite or looking for a scathing counterattack. “Nightmare Night’d be right up your alley.”

“Of course it is. I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Discord put the tray of sundaes down, and it occurred to Rainbow Dash that they’d been hovering in midair during his disappearing-reappearing act. “What, after all, could be more fun than spending a night of horror sitting indoors, drinking tea, and listening to you gabbling? Vanilla was it, Fluttershy?”

“I’d like the strawberry one, please,” said Fluttershy, accepting a glass.

Rainbow cast her a suspicious look. But then, surely Fluttershy wouldn’t. In any case, she couldn’t. She’d tell Discord about things that happened in the week, and when last year the subject would inevitably have come up… Well, how could she hide a whole night from Discord? Which she wouldn’t. Anyway, why would she want to?

“Well,” said Rainbow, shuffling to get more comfortable and wishing the costume wasn’t so tight, “I’ve got lots of plans for tonight. Twilight’s going to try some dark crystal spells around the castle, Spike and Pinkie are setting up traps, and Applejack and Rarity are taking turns as chaperones.”

“Really?” said Discord. A snap of his talons, and he sat down on the resulting green hassock with tentacles sprouting out of it. “Chaperones? Oh dear. Who’s misguided enough to be getting married at this time of year?”

“Chaperones for the kids. Going trick-or-treating? You know? ‘Nightmare Night, what a fright, give us something sweet to bite’?”

“She recites poetry now,” said Discord to Angel, who shrugged and continued sipping his drink.

“Don’t you know anything about Nightmare Night?”

For once, the air of smug complacency around Discord faltered with his smile. He gave Fluttershy a blank look, then gave another to Harry, who growled uncertainly.

“Of course I do,” he said with newfound casualness. His tail wrapped around a sundae glass and tossed it into the air, where it hung spinning like a wheel. “Ghosts and ghouls go abroad, Fluttershy stays in, tea parties ensue, scary stuff happens, the end. Sounds like fun if you ask me.”

He leaned back and opened his mouth. The sundae gave up and shot right down his throat with a gulp, glass and all.

Wiping his lips with a straying tentacle, he added, “Why? Is there anything else?”

Before Rainbow could reply, Fluttershy coughed genteelly. “Uh, Rainbow Dash? Could I speak to you alone for a minute?”

“What? Oh. Sure. Yeah.”

Curious, she followed Fluttershy into the kitchen. There was no sign of anger or fear or sadness. Disconcertingly, Fluttershy’s face was blank. She even walked in as bland a manner as possible. On a normal day, Rainbow could read her body language like a two-page colouring book. Then again, Fluttershy had been getting harder and harder to read these days…

As they stepped into the kitchen, Fluttershy spun around and her gaze caught Rainbow Dash between the eyes. It was like being hit by a frying pan.

“Rainbow Dash,” she began.

“Don’t tell me you’re trying to keep Nightmare Night a secret from him,” said Rainbow immediately. “Come on, Fluttershy. That’s not like you at all. It’s not even fair.”

“I’m not trying to keep it a secret from him.” Yet Fluttershy’s defiant face flushed red.

“He doesn’t even know about dressing up and getting candy! That’s what Nightmare Night is all about! And since when did you put up blizzards to keep foals off your lawn?”

“It’s not a secret, I promise. Just… Just do me a favour, please? Don’t go on about it. You think I haven’t told him at least something about it? When I did, he told me himself he wasn’t really interested.”

“I dunno, Fluttershy.” Rainbow rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “He seemed pretty interested to me.”

Still blushing, Fluttershy stood taller. “He likes our little tea parties. It’s his special time, and I like to give him the attention and the company he deserves.”

Rainbow stepped back and raised an eyebrow at her, wincing as one of the Cerberus heads bobbed briefly against her cheek. Her own nose smelled Fluttershy’s musk, and mixed in with the milky scents and slight whiff of feral animal was the sting of worry.

Perhaps they were both overreacting. It wasn’t as if Rainbow had been trusted to keep an eye on Discord’s progress. Maybe Fluttershy knew what she was doing. All the same, Fluttershy seemed so… intense about it. Of course, that could be the usual Fluttershy over-concern for all living things. This was a mare who cried when baby chicks fell out of their nests, for Pete’s sake.

“Fine,” said Rainbow, whose eyes were weeping slightly with all the staring. “But I’ll just bet he asks what I’m doing as soon as I’m gone.”

“Oh, don’t go.” The sting of worry spiked in Rainbow’s nose. Aha. “Won’t you stay for a drink, at least?”

“I really should be getting back to the others, you know. We’ve got a full night planned out, and… and…”

Darn it, she thought. Fluttershy was giving her the wide-eyed pleading look. That was downright unfair.

“And… I… suppose I’m game for a quick hot chocolate.”

Fluttershy beamed at her, and relief rushed through Rainbow’s nostrils on the cocktail of scents. “Excellent! I’ll refill your mug! This is turning out to be a wonderful Nightmare Night. Maybe the best one yet.”

“And I’ll have some cookies, if you got any,” said Rainbow to her retreating back. Getting sugary snacks whenever she could, after all, was what Nightmare Night was all about.

Besides, she’d think better on a sugar rush. Pinkie and Twilight had explained the concept to her at some point, but she was sure that was the gist of it.

Eldritch Fun Times, Part III

Harry shivered. Fluttershy shivered. Angel shivered and frowned because he was supposed to be pretending not to shiver. Discord leaned forwards, mouth slightly open, tea undrunk in his paw and talons, utterly riveted.

“And when the Lady turned around,” continued Rainbow, who’d pulled the costume’s hood off so she looked at least moderately frightening, “the mirror was right behind her. She looked around. No one else was in the room. Yet when she got closer to the mirror… slowly… quietly… and peered through the glass… the room behind her was completely full… of ghosts.”

“R-R-R-R-Rainbow,” stammered Fluttershy. “P-please. Y-y-you’re sc-scaring D-D-Discord.”

“And then what happened?” Discord’s face was a mask of hunger.

“The servants heard her screaming!” Rainbow leapt up from the settee, making all but Discord jump. “They rushed up the stairs, hammered against the door, broke it down using one of those big clock thingies as a ram, and burst in! But no one was in the room. Just a fallen dress, some leftover shoes, and above it all, a normal mirror. And they say on some nights – even to this day – that if you press your ear up against the glass, you can just hear, very quietly, the voice of the Lady… screaming.”

Fluttershy whimpered. Angel hid behind his mug, no longer able to stop the shaking.

To everyone’s surprise, Discord burst out laughing. He fell off his hassock and rolled around on the floor, tears exploding from his eyes and turning into a flock of tiny exclamation marks which flew away.

Caught off guard, Rainbow sat back down and frowned at him. “Hey, it’s supposed to be a scary story.”

“And it is!” Struggling back onto all fours, Discord forced his laugh down to a cough and then cleared his throat. “Oh my. The sheer horror of it all! My sides ache!”

“Oh yeah? Well let’s see you do better.”

He pouted at her. “Do better? My dear Rainbow Dash, I’ve been better. Before I was the Master of Chaos, I was working in all kinds of terrifying roles.”

“Like what?” Rainbow cocked her head, groaning as she bumped a Cerberus head again.

“Well…” He clambered back onto the seat, swatted away an errant tentacle, and counted on his talons. “There was the time I acted as a genie – that was during my Saddle Arabian stint – then after that, I had a few years in the Ancient Pegasus Empire. They had hybrid monsters all over the place back then; it really was a tough market. Oh, and of course not forgetting the time I was trapped in Tartarus for a century and had to do some part-time work as a demon… What else…?”

“Whoa.” Then Rainbow noticed his sidelong smirk and forced herself to lean back again. “I mean, not bad. Not bad at all. I’ve probably dressed up as one or the other here and there. Just to try different things. You know how it is.”

“And you would dress up as an entity of horror… why, exactly?” Discord’s tongue flicked out, wrapped around another sundae on the tray, and then withdrew from his mouth towards the sundae and made both vanish with a snap of reality. “Mmmm, delicious.”

Rainbow caught Fluttershy’s shivering face, which briefly solidified into a meaningful scowl.

“Oh, you know,” she said breezily. “Playing pranks, terrifying ponies at the door into giving you candy, that sort of thing.”

“Why even put on a costume? I’m sure your oversaturated head of hair is horrifying all by itself.”

“Says the big-eyed goat-head and walking zoo.”

“Oh, you flatterer, you.” Discord straightened up, ears rising. “Well now, this is interesting. Know any more scary stories?”

Rainbow narrowed her eyes suspiciously. He seemed genuine enough… “Wait, you actually liked that? But you laughed at it.”

“Gee, a Master of Chaos confusing cause and effect. Whoever heard of such a thing? But seriously, you do know more scary stories, right? I’m wondering if I might have had a hand, or a paw, or a talon, in some of them.”

Over his rapt expression and excessive forward lean – he seriously should’ve collapsed at that angle – she watched his tail flick idly like a contented cat’s.

Out of the corner of her eye, Rainbow caught Fluttershy’s slight shake of the head.

And if the clock over the kitchen door was correct, then she’d already spent half an hour here. The others would start wondering.

“Well, uh,” she said instantly, pausing to drain her mug in one gulp. “I’d love to, uh, Discord, but I really should get going. You know how it is. Ponies to scare, pranks to set up, yadda yadda yadda. Anyway, you’ve got a whole evening of catch-up with Fluttershy. Ciao for now.”

As soon as she drew up her hood, however, she noticed the brief flicker of annoyance cross his face. Then it was gone, and he was looking almost genial.

“Oh, time is no objection,” he said. He clicked his talons.

The tick-tock over the kitchen door stopped. Outside, snowflakes stopped in midair. Howling winds fell silent. Only the inhabitants of the cottage moved, in Harry’s case by yelping and falling out of his seat.

“Discord, I’ve told you about freezing time,” said Fluttershy with a sigh. “You know I feel funny afterwards.”

“Rest assured this won’t take long… metaphorically speaking, of course.” Discord stuck his teacup behind his ear, which promptly sprouted fangs and chomped it down. While it chewed, he turned to Rainbow Dash. “Since ‘terrors from beyond’ seems to be the flavour of the month, perhaps I could offer to give you lovely ladies a special guided tour of the eldritch dimensions?”

Fluttershy turned pale. “Discord, please –”

“A-bop-bop-bop! Think of it like this,” he said hurriedly. “I’m showing you a few places where I’ve worked, that’s all. You keep saying how nice it’d be to visit the college me and old Smoozie used to go to. Well, this is like that.”

Rainbow’s memory came up short. “Smoozie?”

“You’ve met him. Big, green, likes gems, made of magically impenetrable slime? Tsk, tsk, tsk. Rainbow, you do disappoint me. You met him at the Gala, for crying out loud.”

“Oh! You mean the Smoozinator. Ha! Now there’s a slime monster who knew how to cut a rug.”

“If I recall correctly, he tried to eat it, but I get your point.”

“Please,” said Fluttershy, reaching across and putting a protective hoof to his chest. “Let’s just have a nice, relaxing tea and a pleasant chat. No scares or terrors or eldritch abominations – I mean, not that I have anything against eldritch abominations, of course, I’m sure they’re very lovely like you are, but we could always do it another time. Please?”

Discord looked down at the hoof scuffing the feathers of his chest, and Rainbow was sure for a moment that a look of blank shock rushed across his features. Then he beamed at her, sprouted a second pair of forelimbs, and gently eased her hoof off while picking up another cup that, judging from the angry squeak, turned out to be Angel’s.

“Bah. There’s hardly any need for concern, my dear Fluttershy,” he said with what Rainbow considered a know-it-all smirk. “What, when you get down to it, could possibly attack you while I’m here? And after all the trouble dear Rainbow Dash went through to get here, it’d be a shame to turn her out without a little show-and-tell.”

Yet in that smug grin, Rainbow saw the cutting edge of competition as clearly as a raised sabre. And part of her wanted to raise her own answering sword and meet it, clashing, halfway. No challenge was going to get past her.

Bring it.

Unfortunately, she could still smell the stinging scent of worry from Fluttershy, now becoming sharper and more potent. Something kicked Rainbow in the brain. They’d all agreed not to drag Fluttershy into any more Nightmare Nights, and for good reason.

Still… Discord plus Nightmare Night was a calculation she could get behind. She’d tell the others about it later, with special mention to who had inspired him in the first place.

“Sounds like a plan,” she said. In deference to Fluttershy’s chattering teeth, however, she quickly added, “Just don’t go overboard or anything.”

“Oh dear. Not turning chicken, are we?” A flash of magic, and Discord the suddenly-chicken clucked mockingly at her.

Meaningfully, Rainbow’s gaze flicked towards Fluttershy until he followed it. A second flash later, Discord the suddenly-draconequus-again mouthed the word “oh”. A cheesy smile and an even cheesier halo lit up his face.

“I mean, sure,” he said, reaching across and patting Fluttershy on the head. “Nothing excessively exciting. We wouldn’t want to worry… uh… our dear friend Harry, now would we?”

They all looked up. From the peak of a mountain of fur, Harry’s nervous smile received the four gazes and nodded eagerly.

“Or Angel Bunny,” said Rainbow, earning an outraged squeak that sounded suspiciously like “WHAT!?” “He is very sensitive, after all.”

The “very sensitive” bunny gave a glower that should’ve reduced her to ash. He pounded a tiny fist into a tiny paw and pointed at her face. Rainbow didn’t dare laugh. Word on the street was that the last pony who’d laughed at Angel Bunny now ate nothing more solid than a bowl of soup.

Fluttershy swallowed. “I don’t understand. I thought you liked spending time at my cottage?”

“We don’t have to leave,” said Discord, conjuring out of thin air a lab coat and a pair of goggles which snapped over his face. “That’s the beauty of it. Give me a few seconds to rummage around for the resonator, the flux capacitor, the polarity-reversal device, the vice versa traverser, a scrambled egg, two pieces of string, and a juggling monkey, and we’ll see the highlights of the universe from the comforts of the common cottage chair. Be back in a tick. Metaphorically speaking, of course.”

He caught a wrench in midair, winked, and popped out of existence like a balloon, leaving nothing but a faint smell of elderberries.

“You know, Fluttershy,” said Rainbow Dash, wriggling to get comfortable both in the settee and in the costume, “this might turn out to be one heck of a show. You ought to invite Discord to Nightmare Night more often.” She pressed her head against the Cerberus ones as though they were portable pillows.

Fluttershy coughed and held up her cup and saucer. There and then, she looked as though she was half-heartedly sheltering herself from the world. Even when she glanced across to Angel’s cocked head, she did so with the furtive speed of a prey animal checking for traps.

Rainbow’s stomach knotted. She’d promised, after all. No dragging Fluttershy into this thing…

“He’s really getting into the spirit of the thing, ain’t he?” she said. Her chuckle faltered and faded away.

“Something’s going to go wrong,” said Fluttershy. To Rainbow’s consternation, the voice was eerily flat. There were overtones of grim resignation about it. That was a voice whose hope was on death row.

Rainbow glanced at Angel, whose face was a twisted mask of concern. It stood against everything she treasured on Nightmare Night, but…

She reached across – apologizing to Harry when she knocked his bulbous stomach – and patted Fluttershy on the elbow. “Hey, don’t worry. Discord’s weird, but he’s not dumb. I’m sure he won’t make it too scary.”

“But don’t you see?” said Fluttershy, still in that eerily flat voice. “He wants to push himself further. It’s like you said; he’s really gotten into the spirit of the thing.”

“Well, it’s not like you can hide it from him forever.”

“I wasn’t hiding it from him,” Fluttershy snapped, and Angel squeaked in agreement from the table. “I was hoping it wouldn’t come up at all! Now he’s going to look into it! And I was really counting on this being the best Nightmare Night I ever had.”

They sat in silence for a while, sipping their drinks, saying nothing. Rainbow kept her gaze firmly on her own steaming chocolate.

Finally, a brief fanfare of saxophone music announced the return of Discord, who’d opted for the full engineer’s jumpsuit and oil stains. The wrench was slung over his shoulder.

“All righty, then,” he said brightly. “Dimensionator goin’ up. Hold on to your haunches, gals.”

Eldritch Fun Times, Part IV

Rainbow kept a close eye on Fluttershy as the latter picked up the plates. Somewhere nearby, Discord was strolling from furniture to furniture, rapping his digits against the walls and occasionally hitting a birdhouse with his wrench – and with inexplicably metallic thuds.

White flashed by the window. Rainbow heard the howling winds outside as time briefly started up again. “Where are we going, exactly?”

“Where won’t we be going, exactly?” Discord chuckled and another metallic thud echoed. “To a chthonic wonderland of bizarre dimensions and horrific, animalistic Things from the Infinite Chasm between worlds!”

A pause while he scratched his antler with the wrench.

“Nowhere dangerous, of course,” he added.

Both of them glanced at Fluttershy, who was balancing plates and teacups on a tray between her hooves. If her blank face was any indication, she seemed to be taking it remarkably well.

“I have absolute confidence in Discord’s judgement,” she said… calmly? Coldly? Either way, Rainbow shivered. By now, her experience was telling her the mare should’ve been shaking and cowering.

“Good!” said Discord, smiling and nodding. “Good. Well, that’s quite a relief, here in the midst of Nightmare Night and all.”

“I’ve seen your home, after all,” Fluttershy continued politely. “There’s nothing to be afraid of in the land of chaos. It’s like you said. You’ll be right there the whole time.”

Still smiling and nodding, Discord sidled up to Rainbow Dash and leaned down.

“Scared yet?” he whispered out of the corner of his mouth.

Innocently, Rainbow whispered back, “Why would I be? You’ll be right there the whole time, right?”

“For Fluttershy, yes.”

“And for me?”

“So long as you’re reassured, that’s the main thing.”

Rainbow glared up at his smirk. “Don’t go overboard. I’m watching you.”

“Ooh, I’m quaking in my mismatched boots.”

And Rainbow looked down, because Discord was just the sort to take common sayings literally. Sure enough, a clown shoe and a hiking boot materialized. When he sauntered off, one honked, the other tramped.

Feeling it might do to give her friend some confidential support, Rainbow zipped over to Fluttershy – making Angel and Harry sit up straight with surprise – and leaned down and raised a hoof to whisper.

“Rainbow,” said Fluttershy, turning to the kitchen door sans even looking up at all, “it’s fine.”

“Seriously, are you sure about –?”

“I enjoy Nightmare Night my way, and you’ll enjoy it yours. I don’t see what the problem is.”

As Fluttershy strode off and disappeared behind the closing door, Rainbow turned and got a cookie to the face. Crumbs rained down. Angel dusted off his paws and stuck a tongue out at her.

Overhead, Harry was watching Discord like a refined and well-trained hawk, an impressive feat for a gigantic, five-hundred-pound competition of grizzled hair, muscle, and fat.

“Hold on to your flanks, girls!” Discord stood before the table and gripped a lever that hadn’t been there a moment ago. “Onward to a fantastic voyage!”

Show-off, Rainbow thought. Nevertheless, she leaned forwards, mouth slightly open.

He pulled.

All eyes drank in the sights of the window. White blurs of frozen wind cracked and shattered. Snowflakes evaporated into heat hazes that rippled and distorted as cleanly as waves on a disturbed pond. Shards of black and purple shimmered into view, and then the remaining flakes turned into streaks of white. Rainbow tensed, then realized she wasn’t moving and relaxed.

The streaks blazed into one ring of stripes, and then rushed out of sight.

Rainbow gritted her teeth as the air popped about her ears.

“Whoops.” Discord snapped his talons. “You may experience a slight pressure drop during the first few minutes of our flight. Just ask your nearest available draconequus for assistance.”

The popping… unpopped. Relieved, Rainbow felt her ears clench and rub themselves as though someone were dusting them of pain. Given the sort of things Discord was likely to conjure up, she wisely did not turn to look at whatever was doing the dusting.

Up ahead, the window was a black screen.

Angel hopped up and stared out. Impatiently, he rapped his paw against it. Even Harry peeked between his claws and leaned closer.

Pure oblivion. Rainbow deflated. Was this the best he could do?

The darkness opened an eye.

Angel squealed and rolled off the window frame. More alarmingly, Harry howled and charged – Rainbow had to leap backwards at once – phasing through a surprised Discord and thundering his way into the kitchen. Guiltily, Rainbow heard Fluttershy’s tutting and soothing voice.

Up ahead, the eye filled the window, blazing yellow, round pupil twitching and squeezing as though it were a maw trying to suck out the very air itself.

Rainbow’s heart beat a little faster. She remembered Discord was right there. She willed herself to remain steady.

Then the eye shifted, a wall of shadow surged past, and the thing gave way to…

“Oh my gosh,” Rainbow said, instantly cursing herself. He must have heard that.

Discord chuckled beside her.

Blazing lights seared and screamed across the infinite expanses. Pink trees floated around islands of red, green, and polka dot mountains. Black sand hissed as a river of it fell past, a ribbon of glistening grains. Ropes and shipwrecks and carts and books were all flotsam amid the garish nebulae.

“Fluttershy!” cried out Rainbow Dash. “You’re missing it!”

“Yes, terrifying isn’t it?” muttered Discord, elbowing her in the ribs.

Rainbow frowned. He always insisted on getting too close, and anyway there was such a thing as pride beating in her chest.

Loudly and obviously, she stretched her mouth and struggled to block the yawn with a hoof. “Yeah, not bad,” she said. “Cute effort. I hope you haven’t run out of tricks already.”

From the kitchen came a scream. It shot straight through Rainbow’s brain along with the sounds of crashing fine china.

Instinct seized her and spun her round to charge, forgetting for a moment that the most direct route, in fact, was blocked. Discord and Rainbow tumbled away from each other and hit the floor on their backs.

Rage focused as an archer’s arrow on him. Rainbow shot up at once.

“You said it was safe!” she snapped.

“Mostly safe,” he said, eyes widening – she sincerely hoped through terror rather than mild surprise, or she’d tear him limb from freaky limb –

A small green mass burst into the room. Rainbow blinked and the next thing she knew, there was a squelch and a yelp of alarm.

Rainbow stared at Discord.

Forelimbs raised high, Discord slowly tilted his head to follow her gaze down.

A pony-sized blob of green clumped around his midriff, wrapping tentacles of gunk around him and dripping all over. Beneath a film of ooze, two blinks indicated eyes.

Angel hopped cautiously closer. He sniffed.

Then again, once she focused and stopped trying to breathe through her ears, Rainbow relaxed and noticed smaller details. Whatever the thing was, its slime at least was translucent. Leg-shaped appendages under the “tentacles”. Two hunches that contained wings like an insect trapped in amber. Familiar pupils shrinking and familiar eyes blinking…

“Fluttershy!” Recognition jolted Rainbow Dash into action. She surged forwards and plunged both hooves into the gunk.

“Ew,” she added.

A heave later, she had Fluttershy – dripping slime over the floorboards and rug, coughing up more, and shaking her head to slap the splodges out of her mane – hovering safely out of the mass. She was safe, at least.

This close, Rainbow held her breath. “Tell me you weren’t cleaning the sink, please.”

Discord growled. “I’m fine, thank you for checking.”

“Huh? Oh. Don’t look at me. I’m not touching that.”

“Geez. Loyal to a fault, aren’t you just?”

Fluttershy smacked her lips, and straight away spat and spluttered. “Urgh. That stuff tastes like garbage smells…”

Instantly, concern elbowed all else out of Rainbow’s mind. She gently eased Fluttershy onto the part of the rug that was least swimming in what looked horribly like mucus. Nice going, Rainbow. You just had to trust Discord with something, didn’t you?

“Are you OK? Are you all right?” She darted around the body, not caring that the Cerberus heads bounced off her own with the turbulence. “Wings fine? No stomach pains? Did you swallow anything?”

“Look at my poor, poor feathers!” said Discord, gesticulating and enunciating with more melodrama than an entire opera while his lower half began to melt. “It burns! It burns! I’m going down… three… two… one…”

Fluttershy said something indistinct.

“What’s wrong?” Rainbow said at once. “Oh no, if you swallowed any –”

Glowering at her, Fluttershy stepped out of reach. “I said please take your hooves out of my mouth.”

“Aheheheh… sorry. Can’t be too careful.”

Discord sniffed. “Excuse me. Some of us need rescuing here!”

“You got yourself into that mess, you can get yourself out.” Rainbow resisted the urge to kick him. I told you! I TOLD you!

Irritably, the remains of Discord’s tail flexed and snapped like a whip. The residual pile of green glowed briefly and then vanished, making Rainbow wonder what all the fuss had been about.

“It’s a matter of getting into the spirit of Nightmare Night,” he snapped. “You’re supposed to be terrified. But I suppose the unflappable Rainbow Dash doesn’t worry about possible horrors befalling her good pal Discord, does she?”

“You fixed yourself, didn’t you? Well then. Pull yourself together. Sheesh.”

Glowering, muttering, occasionally sniffing, he let his lower half congeal into legs and torso and tail again. You put on a good show, Discord, she thought, but you’re still just a flapper trying to join the Wonderbolts. Ha! Let’s see you act that metaphor out!

Something glooped in the doorway. At least, it made a wet, sticky, slurping sound. They looked up.

Even if the sky outside had been sunshine and clouds, and invitations sent out, the Smooze still wouldn’t have been a pleasant sight. It looked like something had sneezed it out, and a pretty big something at that, considering it was large enough to smother a huddle of ponies.

It was also wearing a towel. And a bathing cap.

It cocked its head. Or rather, it bent slightly sideways.

“Morning, Smoozie!” Discord snapped his talons, and the remnants of slime on and around Fluttershy vanished. “Sorry to barge in unannounced. Just giving my friends the sneak peek on the freakshow.”

Rainbow shuddered. Fun as the Smooze had been at the Gala, it was still essentially a blob. When it burst into a wobbly grin, she couldn’t tell if it was delighted, demented, or just determined to gobble them up.

It oozed forwards. She backed away.

Calmer now, Fluttershy sighed with relief and straightened up. “Pleased to meet you again, Mister Smooze. Um. If you like, we could return you home and move along?”

“Watch it, Fluttershy,” hissed Rainbow Dash. “Celestia’s not here this time.”

Ignoring her, Fluttershy held out a hoof.

The Smooze – insofar as its eyeless face could stare – stared at her leg as though working out a complex topological problem. It bit a green tongue thoughtfully. After a while, a stretch of blob shot straight out and then landed wetly on her offered hoof. She shook it, then quickly let go.

“Splendid!” said Discord, shifting in between them. “You see? No reason to panic whatsoever! Smoozie could be… uh… a guest! Yes! How’s that for a perfectly ordinary idea? Oh, Smoozie? Would you like to stay for a cup of tea?” He looked the thing up and down. “Green tea, I take it?”

Now the smile almost cut it in half.

“Wonderful.” Discord spun round and almost head-butted Rainbow Dash with the speed. “Of course, if there are no objections to having an otherworldly monstrosity in on Nightmare Night? I gather the aim was to keep them all out, after all.”

Rainbow matched him glare for glare. No way she’d give him an easy victory.

“Nothing comes to mind,” she said through gritted teeth.

“Well, you be sure to let your old pal Disco know if it does, ahahaha.”

Her eyes narrowed.

And then she shot back as Discord yelled, “SMOOZIE! Let me give you a quick tour of the house. And you absolutely must put something decent on. Trust me, the au naturel look only works on some of us, darling, aheheheh.”

Rainbow waited until they’d both left the room – through the wall, of course, Discord being Discord – and then rounded on Fluttershy. “‘The aim was to keep them all out’? He thinks Nightmare Night is all about sheltering from monsters? Really?”

Fluttershy could’ve frozen a campfire with her expression. “It is for me. That’s all he wanted to know.”

“But –”

Something shouted in Rainbow’s head. She glanced up at the window, where bits of what looked horribly like bone drifted past. Sheltering from monsters sounded really good right about now.

“I –” she tried again.

She saw the thin line that was Fluttershy’s mouth. The way her eyes hardened. The careful blankness around the face. The stiff posture.

She absolutely hated seeing Fluttershy as mad as this. And the worst part was that Fluttershy would, if asked point-blank, adamantly deny that she was mad at all. Now that was as bad as two slaps to the face.

“You –?”

“I’m fine,” said Fluttershy coldly. “Why wouldn’t I be? It’s like Discord said. This is still a nice, pleasant teatime with friends.”

On the table, Angel Bunny looked from one to the other. To Rainbow Dash, he shrugged and turned his back. No help there.

She sighed while Fluttershy went into the kitchen – from within, Harry growled pitifully, and was gently shushed – and then came back with mop and bucket for the fresh trail of slime.

Eldritch Fun Times, Part V

After a while, Fluttershy gave up on mopping up the slime trails, if only because the Smooze kept making more whenever it closed in to inspect her work.

Instead, they were all now seated around the coffee table, Angel Bunny and Harry the Bear elbow-to-elbow on the far corner of the settee. Nearer said table, Fluttershy glanced behind her and sighed over her mug.

Next to her, Rainbow Dash watched Discord like a hawk, albeit a hawk in a Cerberus costume. On his hassock, Discord watched Rainbow Dash like a considerably less refined hawk. The air sizzled between them.

As one, they raised their mugs. They sipped in unison. They lowered their mugs.

I know something you don’t, thought Rainbow. She wished her inner voice didn’t sound so smug, but Discord’s narrowed eyes were stronger than two prods to the chest, and she’d be darned if he’d get one over her. I know what Nightmare Night’s really about, and you don’t have a clue. You don’t have a clue about a lot of things, Disco boy. Just because you can mess up reality with a blink, doesn’t make you so hot.

Out of the corner of her gaze, she saw how twitchy Fluttershy was, as though expecting at any moment the walls of the cottage to fold in on themselves. Angel’s squeaks and Harry’s moans seemed to come from her.

Of course, the Smooze merely stood next to Discord, a teacup on the floor before it and a vacant grin on its face. Slurping, it oozed forwards and smothered the cup. One green tongue licked two green lips, satisfied.

From the window came the howls of distant creatures.

I know your game, Discord. This is just a bigger, weirder game of Chicken. You throw everything towards me as fast as you can, and the instant I blink or cry out, you’re gonna rub it in my face. But here’s the thing: I know you can’t put up with Fluttershy’s normal-ness for long. Not someone as crazy as you. And I’ve given you a challenge. So I know you’re gonna do everything to try and catch me out. But I’ll know you’re trying to do it, so I’ll know not to trust anything you do. And you won’t do anything really bad, not when Fluttershy’s watching you, so nothing you can think up can really catch me out. Face it, you’re cornered. I’ll psych you out. I’ve got nothing to lose so long as I don’t lose my cool, and I’ve got a whole iceberg of cool.

I can’t lose! I won’t lose!

“Er…?” said Fluttershy. Neither of them looked round, in case the first to do so lost the staring match. “Rainbow Dash? Discord? You don’t have to stare like that. We’re enjoying a nice tea party. That means we’re friends.”

To Rainbow’s delight, Discord looked away first, and then he gaped once he realized what he’d done.

“Oh, er, Fluttershy?” he said, glancing from pony to pony.

“There’s no competition here,” she said sweetly. “Why don’t we say something nice to break the ice?”

“Break the ice?” Rainbow looked at her, on the basis that it was OK since Discord had broken ranks first. “We already know each other.”

“Mister Smooze,” said Fluttershy. “Do you like the herbal tea?”

The belch filled the room with a smell so putrid it rotted the insides of Rainbow’s nostrils and she had to fight against the gag reflex burning her throat. Discord grimaced and snapped his digits; the green haze cleared, as did the smell.

A chuckle in her voice, Fluttershy said, “Glad to hear it! How nice is it that we all get along so well.”

“Yes,” muttered Discord, shifting his hassock a few inches away from the blob. “How… restrained we must feel.”

“Self-restraint is very important for friendship,” said Fluttershy. She took a sip. “I know I don’t always say it, but I do appreciate how well you keep your old, evil urges in check. You’ve come a long way, Discord.”

Discord’s talon tapped the edge of his cup. He coughed and inspected the ceiling.

Is he… blushing? Rainbow shuffled where she sat, not sure she ought to be looking.

“Yes, well,” he said, freezing his mug in a block of ice and then picking chunks off absent-mindedly.

“And Mister Smooze is a wonderful guest. We should invite him over more often. I love his smile, and he’s always so quiet, like he’s thinking about everything we say.”

Hearing this with unseen ears, the Smooze widened its smile.

“That’s because it can’t talk,” muttered Discord. “Or think. Or do anything other than sit there.” On his hassock, he shivered with disgust.

Rainbow, for once, didn’t blame him. The way that smile suggested nothing was going on behind it… well, that sort of thing gave her the shivers. At least, if she hadn’t forced herself not to shiver. Which was probably just as well, as she was starting to wish she’d never gone for the fake Cerberus heads sitting like hot pillows on her shoulders.

“Tell me all about your wonderful time at college,” said Fluttershy. Behind her, Angel and Harry leaned closer, ears cocked.

“Oh come on,” said Rainbow Dash; those fake heads were starting to chafe every time she moved. “He was making that up. They’ve never been to college. I’m not even sure the Smooze has a brain.”

“Apparently, it doesn’t need one.” Discord threw another broken-off cube of ice over his shoulder. “But we have met before, of course. I just said that to give it a bit of colour.”

“I know.” Fluttershy’s ears drooped.

Discord coughed and cleared his throat; the iced-up cup evaporated. “Perhaps you’d like to hear how we really met? It was shortly before my great reign in Equestria. I was busy searching the dimensions for somewhere to set up shop, for the umpteenth time.”

“Why the umpteenth time?” Rainbow said.

“Well…” Discord struggled against the words breaking up around his mouth. Helplessly, he shrugged. “Remember when I said I’d taken some jobs as a genie, a hybrid, and a demon? The career of an eldritch creature back then was a tad volatile, shall we say?”

“Ha! Seriously? You got fired from being a demon?”

“Excuse me! I didn’t get fired. I was merely far too free-spirited to stick with it for long. That was all. Spirit of Chaos, remember?”

“Oh, Discord,” said Fluttershy sadly. “You should say something. I helped my brother find a job when he was struggling with his fears. Maybe I could help you find a job too? All it takes is a little courage and belief.”

Paw held up expectantly, Discord chomped, then opened his jaws, in the process un-eating a cookie that appeared already half-bitten. “You’re too kind, Fluttershy my dear, but a being who can conjure food and shelter at a whim does not need a job.”

“Free-spirited, huh?” said Rainbow Dash. She watched him un-eat the rest of the cookie. “Sounds like me.”

“Except you have and need a job to live, I take it. Not for enjoyment, or personal life satisfaction.” Discord dropped the cookie onto the table, whereupon the Smooze slammed its face down, knocking china off the sides. Rainbow didn’t blame him for wincing. The sounds alone were disturbingly organic.

“If it helps, I got kicked out of Flight Camp when I was younger.” She glanced at Fluttershy, but her face was blank and unreadable. “Didn’t… quite… see eye-to-eye with the instructors… over the rules, I mean.”

When Discord raised his eyebrow, it kept on going up and splashed through the ceiling; a replacement grew back within seconds. “Is that so?”

“Yeah. You know how it is. I was winning races left and right. I got too cocky. Acted like I owned the camp, then made a huge mess like a one-pony whirlwind.”

Discord stroked his goatee, twirling it occasionally. “And lost it all soon after. How… interesting. Well, perhaps there’s hope for you yet, Miss One-Pony Whirlwind.”

Rainbow stiffened. “What do you mean by that!?”

“Give it a few hundred years; you might make an excellent Chaos Apprentice.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious, which – granted – is not normal for me, but who’s keeping score?”

Fluttershy sipped again. “Isn’t it lovely? You two have so much in common. I think you’d make fantastic friends.”

At last, the Smooze came up for air. Sensing a belch coming along, both Rainbow and Discord drew back hastily. Instead, the wretched, sagging ooze spat the cookie out. Something splattered against the wall behind Rainbow’s head. She didn’t dare turn to inspect it.

“Well, Rainbow ‘Whirlwind’ Dash.” Discord’s hassock scraped back and whimpered in protest. As he rose like a crane with two beady eyes on top, he darkened the room around him. “Now we’ve had our little tea break, what say you to a final tour of the Realm Ponydom Was Not Meant To Know? Unless, of course, your ‘free-spirited’ ways don’t extend to a little Nightmare Night spookiness.”

Pre-emptive guilt prompted Rainbow Dash to glance across at Fluttershy, who’d opened her mouth to speak.

“Uh, I mean,” he continued, stumbling over his words, “how would you like to see some of the places I’ve worked at? As a kind of friendly gesture between two fantastic friends?”

He winked.

Rainbow grinned. So, he’s still trying to test me, eh?

The fires of competition rose like a challenged phoenix within her chest. No way was she backing down. Once she’d beaten him at his own game and seen the look of surprise on his smug face… No, better yet: the sights she’d see, the sheer awesome he could unleash…

“I’d love to,” she said, flapping clear of her seat. “‘Fantastic friend’.”

“Discord…” Fluttershy stood up. Beyond her, Angel clambered up to Harry’s scalp, while Harry clambered up the back of the settee.

“Don’t worry,” he said, grinning. “As soon as we’ve settled this little chall – er, I mean, sorted out this little sightseeing shtick, it’ll be as if nothing’s happened.” A thoughtful pout jutted from his jaw. “Assuming, of course, Rainbow says when she wants to stop.”

“Not before you do,” said Rainbow, grinning back.

“Very well. To the window, everyone! Ahahaha!”

He snapped his digits. At once, Rainbow’s sight darkened. Cold, solid things landed on her muzzle. Sunglasses came away when she took them off to inspect them.

“I suggest you keep those on.” Discord reached down and shoved them back onto her face a little harder than was strictly necessary. “You need something to protect those pretty little eyes from the Things That Absorb Your Brain.”

“What!?” yelped Fluttershy. She and Angel and Harry sported sunglasses too.

“Fluttershy, come now. We have to be respectful towards the locals, remember? I’m sure that’s the sort of thing you’d preach if ever we went on vacation somewhere else.” A careless sweep of his paw knocked Rainbow’s glasses off.

“Quit doing that!” She rubbed her snout, not so much because it hurt as because she wanted Fluttershy to intervene if he tried it again.

“Hm. Then again, perhaps you’re right. Sunglasses are so easy to knock off.” Another snap of his digits, a snap of reality, and the sunglasses turned into goggles which snapped over their faces – OK, that was no accident, Rainbow knew he’d snapped hers on too tight.

Fluttershy landed next to Rainbow Dash. She leaned close enough that Rainbow could feel her ear burn under the embers of breath.

“Rainbow, we talked about this.”

“You tell him to stop, then,” Rainbow hissed back.

“Rainbow, please.”

“Look, it’s Discord. He’ll have his fun and then give up. Trust me.”

Hoping it might be sappy enough to work, Rainbow reached across and patted her gently on the elbow. She fancied, during the brief moment of contact, that Fluttershy was shaking slightly. Hard to tell without actually holding her.

“Here we go.” Discord cracked his digits as though about to play on a piano. Nearby, the Smooze gurgled and glooped its way across and to his other side. “The, aha, breathtaking views of the universe, right here, right now.”

And when he chuckled, it wasn’t a half-job. Low bouts of mirth rumbled through the floorboards and up their legs. The cottage echoed as though Discords utterly surrounded them. Even the mountains and trees outside froze in mid-float for a second, frightened or shocked by the sound.

“D-D-Discord?” whispered Fluttershy.

He gripped the lever.

Rainbow heard Fluttershy’s breathing. Briefly, the phoenix inside her was still.

“Uh,” she said. Hold on a second. Stop right there. Call it off now.

What, and let him win?

No! Just think for once! What about Fluttershy?

Tell her to look away.

That’s not how I fly. She doesn’t want this. She didn’t ask for this. This is her house. There’s stuff you just can’t do.

She got as far as saying, “Wait –”

The lever clicked.

Ripples crossed the window, wiping out the blazing lights and the floating islands. Squirming, scything, writhing, splashing, creaking, jerking, flapping, chomping shapes crammed against the glass. Every available space was packed with creatures. Then the eye resolved them, and the head of a horse joined the body of an octopus. Scales danced across lidless eyes. Wings sprouted out of more wings, which sprouted out of giraffe-like necks and elephant trunks. Tusks and horns blurred into each other. Legs competed with fins and spines, often on the same torso or carapace. Beaks sprouted out of oozing, oily masses that made the Smooze look tidy.

Rainbow didn’t need to hear the gasp beside her. Her own insides collapsed trying to understand what her eyes were telling her. Her wings slid out before she’d realized.

“I’m sure it’s OK,” she said, far more bravely than she felt. “They’re just… things.”

Soon, even Discord’s chuckles were lost to the zoo of screeches and yelps and whines and hisses and roars.

“Pretty terrifying, aren’t they?” he murmured, so low that she almost didn’t hear it.

Yet her heart blazed on. “Not really.”

She didn’t see what he did. All she knew was that, a moment later, knocks beat against the cottage walls from every direction. Fluttershy’s gasp was closer to a yelp. Not helping were Harry’s timid groans and Angel’s urgent squeaks.

“Discord?” Fluttershy’s voice fought not to wail.

“Nothing to worry about,” he said easily. “We’re perfectly safe in here.” In an undertone, he added, “At least, you are, Fluttershy.”

Oh please, thought Rainbow, not taking her eyes off the window. That’s just you trying to psych me out. I’ve been in enough races and staring contests to know it when I hear it. Keep going.

“We don’t know what we’re doing,” sang Discord into her ear. She felt no breath, but then who said he had to bend over? “We don’t know where we’re going. We don’t know what they’re after. We don’t know who they’re after.”

A bubble shield flared around him: obvious purple, so she’d notice. Another flared around Fluttershy. A third flared around the cowering fur that was Harry and Angel in the corner. The last one flared over the Smooze which was sliming away from the window as urgently as a snail. None flared around Rainbow.

Around them, the banging and shrieking continued.

“We don’t know why they want you,” he continued like a steady drip of water on her head. “We don’t know how they’ll get you. We don’t know when they’ll get you.”

It’s just a trick. It’s just a trick. I ain’t cracking. It’s just a stupid trick. Now the creatures started raking at the glass, leaving scratch marks.

Voice trembling, Fluttershy said, “D-Discord? H-how is this anything t-to do with –?”

“I lived here once,” lied Discord fluently; at least, Rainbow assumed he was lying. “Neighbours were a bit much, but you can’t help how you’re made, now can you?”

“We don’t know if we’ll leave here,” continued the steady drip in Rainbow’s ear. “We don’t know how we came here. We don’t know how they’ll break you…”

“I-I’d like to go now,” said Fluttershy, and Rainbow almost sagged with relief that she’d said it for her. Every misshapen head focused on her, Rainbow Dash…

“It’s OK, Fluttershy,” said Discord. “Rainbow’s still taking in the sights, aren’t you, Rainbow ‘Fantastic Friend’ Dash?”

Darn you, Discord! Darn you and your evil brain! “I’m… OK with this,” she managed to say.

“Are you?” said Fluttershy.

“Y-yeah.” Rainbow forced herself to watch the crisscrossing claw marks and fang streaks across the glass, slowly turning it into white cobweb. “Nothin’… to it.”

Discord growled.

Thuds gave way to cracking timber. Bodies banged about the rooms upstairs.

This time, Fluttershy didn’t even pretend; Rainbow noticed her shoot up to the ceiling out of the corner of her eye. “What was that!?”

“Maybe now Rainbow has appreciated all the sights I’m giving her?” spat Discord.

Rainbow tightened her jaw against any weak words. The lock eased up enough to let her grumble, “It’s OK.”

“Really? Well, we’d better not stay long. They look quite angry, if you catch my drift.”

“Yeah. Right.” She didn’t even wince when Harry roared with horror and blundered past to hide in the kitchen. Angel shot after him, stopping only to shake a paw like a fist at Rainbow Dash.

Fists and hooves punched through the glass. Fluttershy landed so hard Rainbow almost went up on the boards as they seesawed underfoot.

“You better fix that.” Rainbow refused to let even her voice burst with panic. Even as her limbs itched to run.

“Discord!” yelled Fluttershy. “I want to go now!”

Nearby, Discord’s form undulated. He seemed to be looking for something.

“Ah,” he said.

The way he said it put icicles through Rainbow’s chest. She almost heard her inner phoenix howl as though from shock.

“Whatdoyoumean ‘ah’?” Fluttershy’s hoofsteps scampered about, while more bodies crashed onto the floors upstairs. Things broke. Wings smashed through the walls. Tentacles began to seep through the floor as fluidly as tar.

He’s just faking he’s just faking he’s just faking don’t look away he’s just faking…

“I can’t seem to do any magic,” Discord said.

“Quit messing around, Discord,” she snapped.

“I’m not messing around! I really can’t do any magic.”

A bulbous, elephantine head smashed through the window. Five eyes burned as embers embedded at random in flesh like leather. Still, Rainbow refused to move or look away, by now vibrating with the bodies pulsing or crashing into the walls and floor. Bits rained down on her from the ceiling: chips of wood, she guessed from the feel of them. A few bounced off her Cerberus heads, making them dance on her shoulders.

“C-come on, D-Discord,” Rainbow said. “We know you’re j-j-joking.”

Fluttershy leaped into view before them both, wings barring the way. Whether she meant to confront them or to shield them from the probing tusks and six trunks, it was hard to tell. Rainbow would accept either option right about now.

“Discord!” Fluttershy yelled. Her eyes were wide. Her musk was acid on the nose. Her coat was shining with slicks of sweat.

“He’s faking!” Rainbow said desperately.

Something clammy seized Rainbow’s leg. She couldn’t help it. She looked down.

One tentacle oozed and bubbled around her hoof. The thing tightened its grip. Under the whitening around her leg, stabs of pain slid through her and she suddenly broke away, stumbled, tried to walk on the thing, and found it numbing at the touch.

To her shame, she cried out, and instantly cut herself off. No. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of beating her at –

Discord yelled out. More tentacles and a few clawed hands burst through the floorboards and walls to hold him steady. His mouth was open in a silent scream. Mismatched limbs feebly tugged before his spine flexed like a trapped snake. Nothing about his bulging eyes suggested this was remotely a joke.

“Come on!” Rainbow’s voice was a squeal, but she suddenly didn’t care. “Snap out of it!”

He’s not joking!

“You have to be joking!” she insisted, more to herself than to him.

“Aargh! Noooo! Not trapped again!” More appendages gripped him, moving up from the feathers of his torso to his neck. Baring his fangs, Discord’s head tugged as though he could yank his whole body free. “No!”

“You idiot!” Rainbow screamed.

Then she wailed; through the mass of body parts pouring in from the broken window, a crocodile’s smile drew closer. Fangs stretched. Tongues or tentacles or stranger things undulated, reaching out for her face.

Panic hit her. No matter how hard she flapped, she couldn’t move. Fluttershy’s cottage was lost to a rising tide of bodies. Hot breath closed in on her.

He must be joking! He’s gotta be joking! This is just an act! Discord, darn you! Why did you have to do it this way!?

The thoughts had nothing to do with her now. Everything else knew, down to her bones, that the hot breath was real. The teeth gently pressing into her head were real. She turned to see Fluttershy’s face straining to explode with terror, and felt her own instincts take over, and Rainbow screamed, screamed, SCREAMED.

“STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!” yelled Fluttershy.

Digits snapped.

The creatures vanished. The breath and teeth vanished. The goggles vanished, as did the dark tint they’d brought. Fluttershy’s cottage came back, as though it had never been gone.

Rainbow took a moment to realize she’d been picked off the floor in all the confusion. Then the boards hit her rump hard when she landed. Beside her, she heard Discord’s mismatched footsteps draw closer.

“Um…” he said, in a voice that wasn’t at all sure it should be venturing out right now.

“You pea-brain!” Terror collapsed into rage within Rainbow’s chest. She was still shaking. “What were you thinking!? We could’ve been –”

Between them, the Smooze rolled forwards as urgently as an avalanche. Both she and Discord turned to watch.

Terror still stretched Fluttershy’s face, but now it jolted and sparked with the tics of anger. Ancient bits of instinct gripped Rainbow’s head. They whispered, Don’t you dare say a word. Don’t do a thing. Don’t even breathe loudly. If at all.

The Smooze leaned over Fluttershy and then leaned on Fluttershy. Flaps of green dribbled down either side. It was a moment before Rainbow realized it was trying to give her a hug.

Fluttershy still glowered at them, utterly oblivious to the green sliming over her.

“How could you?” she said.

That voice was the subtle click of a crossbow being aimed. Painless in itself, it had steel and tension locked behind every tiny twang.

What bothered Rainbow was that she seemed to be looking at both of them.

“Fluttershy,” Discord said quickly. “I apologize. I don’t know what came over me. I only meant to keep it nice and slow until Rainbow here… um… said something.”

You mean chickened out, Rainbow thought.

“The situation was under my control the whole time,” he said, pouring honey over his offered words. “Of course I’d never do anything to hurt our friendship. Or to hurt you. You have to believe that, right?”

And I did chicken out.

Who cares NOW? You’re just as much a pea-brain as he is! You couldn’t resist it. You had to push your luck, didn’t you, Rainbow? Well. Some friend you are.

“If I’d known how much it would have frightened you,” continued the suicidal Discord, “I swear on my ninety-nine lives I would never have done it. Let’s have the old tea party and forget about all this? Please?” He reached out as though to supplicate, and teacup and saucer landed in his paw and talons.

Rainbow judged it best to look down. Anything was better than meeting that glower, even the trail of mucus the Smooze had left on the carpet.

“Sorry,” she said, hating the very word.

Fluttershy’s voice was a volley; Rainbow tensed under each hit. “You didn’t think, did you? That’s your problem! Rainbow! Discord! Couldn’t help yourself!? You didn’t even try! Anyone sensible would have known better than to go down that path at all, not if they’d known they couldn’t help themselves!”

“Fluttershy, I –”

“We just –” added Discord.

“No! If this is what it takes to teach you both some self-control, then so be it!” Fluttershy stamped a hoof, using such force that chunks of the Smooze dislodged themselves and splattered on the floor. “Discord! Take us back now! Rainbow! Sit down and don’t do anything! I’ve never been so ashamed of you two!”

“But –” Discord said.

“Can’t –” Discord said again.

“Maybe if –” Discord tried hopelessly.

At last, he said, “Oh, all right. Just give me a few minutes. Moving through the dimensions isn’t as easy as I make it look.”

Rainbow heard the pop of firecrackers, and knew he’d gone. The air beside her felt lighter. Since that left her alone with Fluttershy – the Smooze didn’t count – she forced herself to look up.

“I’m sorry,” she said, a little less ashamed now that joker Discord wasn’t within earshot. “I didn’t want you to be scared.”

Fluttershy’s eyes were swimming, alone amid a mask of anger. “Me, scared? You were terrified!”

“I wasn’t,” Rainbow lied at once.

“You know why I don’t like Nightmare Night! I hate seeing you that way!”

“I wasn’t terrified.”

Coming unstuck from the Smooze, Fluttershy shuffled over to the table and stopped to rub herself down. Rainbow looked at the perfect mould she’d left in the Smooze’s body, which soon enough sagged back into its heaped shape.

The Smooze’s mouth was a perfect “o”. It swivelled to “look” back at her with its eyeless face. Even it grimaced with distaste.

“I know,” she whispered back. “I know. Just give me a minute, OK?”

The Smooze screwed up its mouth doubtfully, but gave a curt nod and slithered to the far side of the room. Rainbow rubbed her own forelegs, feeling unclean, and not because of anything the Smooze had done.

I hate seeing you that way. That’s what she said. Oh horsefeathers, why didn’t I think? She said it herself last year! That’s the real reason she hates Nightmare Night. I should’ve known her better than that.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! Rainbow beat her skull, trying to knock the right words to the surface, but stopped when her forehead started to throb.

Eldritch Fun Times, Part VI

Beyond the window, the world resolved itself with a crackle. Stars twinkled once more. Something large and round began to eclipse the view, as though the moon were peeking in to ask for a cup of tea.

Unexpectedly, the walls broke away. Furniture rose up; gravity had been switched off. Birdhouses, books, rugs, and tea things drifted in a silent, lethargic explosion. Such was Rainbow Dash’s mental state that she barely cared when even she and Fluttershy began to float, and the Cerberus heads strained to drift away from the rest of her costume.

Unfazed, Fluttershy sat down heavily on her sofa, reached across to the hovering table, and drew the cup to her mouth for a sip. A burst of pink globules and a gloing sound later, Discord popped into existence beside her.

He looked round and screwed up his lips. “Not quite where we were aiming for, then. But don’t worry. It’s not going to be a problem. Give me a few minutes to navigate this, that, and about a million other things, and we’ll be home and dry.”

Fluttershy took another sip. She showed no sign of having heard a word.

Around them, dozens of planets hovered in space. Some were so close that Rainbow briefly backed away, flailing in the air and worried about crashing into them, while others were so far that she briefly mistook them for stars.

Discord tried a chuckle. “At least I know where to get some excellent sugar here. Wouldn’t that be nice for the tea party?”

Drifting by as a sphere of slime, the Smooze reached out an improvised tentacle and gripped the back of Fluttershy’s seat.

Uh oh, thought Rainbow Dash. She’s giving the silent treatment. Oh my gosh, she’s giving the silent treatment! This is bad. This is so very bad. This is super-bad!

After a while, Discord hung his head. “We’ll be home in a few minutes. Fluttershy, look… I, uh… uh…”

Briefly, he writhed with the agony of trying to express himself. To her own utter surprise, Rainbow felt sorry for him. She’d known Fluttershy since they were old enough to think bogeymares hid under their beds, and even she still hadn’t figured out how to deal with her friend in this state.

The struggle came to nought; Discord slumped in defeat. “Well, I’ll be right back, then.”

He snapped his digits. A ripple through space, a smell of old cheese, a quack and a cluck, and he was gone.

Only then did Fluttershy sigh.

Guilt pushed Rainbow Dash forwards. She flapped once to drift a few inches closer and then spread her wings, slowing to a stop. Or trying to. However hard she flapped her wings, suddenly they didn’t work right. A few thrashes achieved nothing while she bumped into the side of the sofa.

“Look, uh, about what… just… happened…” Rainbow waved a wing about her. “About them abomination things. You do know Discord wasn’t actually gonna put us in danger, right?”

She waited for Fluttershy to reply. Nothing yet.

“OK,” Rainbow said encouragingly. “This is the part where you say, ‘Yes, I know. Now I want you to make it up to me.’ Just like that.”

Fluttershy was staring into her cup. Around her, the stars were shining on.

With a cough, Rainbow lowered her wings. She looked about, hoping the surrounding planets – or the floating bits of wall and furniture – could give her a clue.

“Um…” she said. “I, uh… probably shouldn’t have encouraged him… You know how I get around challenges… It was, uh, it was dumb. Really, really dumb.”

Hoping to get some sort of response, she braced herself, took a deep breath, and gingerly, nervously, carefully stretched a wing over the arm of the sofa to pat Fluttershy on the shoulder. She did it twice, though even that seemed too risky, and she hastily withdrew her wing.

Rainbow groaned. She beat her own face with both hooves, then wiped them off as though they were Smooze slime. Nothing was having any effect.

“Look,” she said desperately. “Will you say something, please? I’m sorry, all right? I’m sorry. Just say something.”

More for show than anything – maybe for thinking time too, Rainbow suspected – Fluttershy blew on her cup. In the distance, Angel and Harry rotated on their way up among the planets, both too stunned to do more than blink. Rainbow noticed she was drifting away slightly from the sofa, but any attempts to flap closer did nothing, and she stopped after a few frantic seconds. The air felt completely wrong here, if it even was air.

“Mister Smooze?” said Fluttershy without looking up. “Could you help my friends, please?”

The Smooze glooped its assent. Green stretches of blubbery slime reached out and scooped Angel and Harry, drawing them in. One reached for Rainbow, who winced at the warm slop running over her back and wings. The slightest of tugs sent her drifting closer.

Angel, Harry, and Rainbow gripped the arms of the sofa at once, the two animals opposite her. Between them, the Smooze leaned over the headrest and Fluttershy sat and stared at her tea.

“Thank you.” Fluttershy swilled the cup but still did not drink anything. “Rainbow –”

“I know, I know,” said Rainbow while a chest of drawers spun gently by. “What I did was nasty and thoughtless and rude and selfish. Story of my life.”

“It’s not the story of your life. You can be nice and thoughtful and polite and heroic when you want to be.”

Rainbow raised her eyes and her ears hopefully. “You’re not mad?”

“I didn’t say that.”

Eyes and ears fell. “Oh.”

“But I think you’re right. I’m not being kind to Discord, am I?”

Rainbow looked to the two animals for inspiration, but the bear and the bunny were poker-faced. Impressive, considering a bunch of tempting teacups and cookies chose that moment to pass among their heads.

“You kidding?” said Rainbow. “If Discord had been left to anyone else, Equestria would be drowning in chocolate rain by now. Look, you gonna drink that or not? It’s kinda distracting.”

Fluttershy stopped swilling her tea. She placed the cup gently on the table and watched as it promptly rose up, up to the stars.

“I meant about Nightmare Night,” she said.

Rainbow sensed a game being played here, and didn’t want anything to do with it. She’d never been much good at strategy. Right now, she’d rather Fluttershy went straight for the kill.

“Look, I know you don’t like seeing us scared. It’s not like I forgot. I tried to keep Discord from going over-the-top, but he wouldn’t take a hint.”

“I’ve kept him cooped up in here with me,” said Fluttershy to the stars. “I didn’t think he might take to all this Nightmare Night creepiness. No, that’s a lie: I didn’t want him to even try.”

“I swear I would never, ever set out to do that to you. I swear.”

“I shouldn’t keep him in here. It’s selfish. But you’ve made me think, Rainbow. If he’d have more fun going out and seeing Nightmare Night as you do, then I shouldn’t stand in his way.”

“It’s… well, you know. I get carried away. You know how I get around challenges, Fluttershy. I tried – honest, I tried – but I was dumb. And, uh, and I’ll make it up to you, if I can just figure out how. Tell me what to do. I’ll do it.”

“I should let him choose for himself what he wants to do.”

It occurred to Rainbow Dash that they weren’t quite of the same mind. The last few seconds of mutual monologue caught up with her.

“Let him choose?” she said. Realization dawned. She pointed an accusing hoof. “So that’s why you made him set up the blizzard!”

“Yes.” Fluttershy at last looked her in the eye, her own half-hidden behind a curtain of mane. “I knew you wouldn’t bother me on Nightmare Night. Everyone else usually keeps away.”

“So you lied to him?”

“I didn’t lie.” Fluttershy glowered. She turned pink about the cheeks.

“You told him it was to keep other ponies and the creepy Nightmare Night monsters outside the cottage. But really, it was because you wanted to keep him in the cottage till it was all over! Then next week, everyone else would’ve moved on anyway, so you didn't have to talk about it!”

“I just didn’t want anything to distract him. Or to ruin our lovely little evening.”

The words held Rainbow back for a moment, but then determination pushed through. “That’s not fair on him. I bet he’d love to get out there and scare everyone. He could let himself go for a few hours, and everyone’d love it. I bet.”

“What if he turned evil again?”

Rainbow smelled this for the desperate dodge it was and ignored it. If one night of spookiness was enough to overpower months of living with Fluttershy’s friendship, then a single raindrop could break Rainbow’s wing. Which was, of course, nonsense.

Sensing her question hadn’t really stuck, Fluttershy returned to staring at the stars overhead. “I like our tea parties together.”

“And I bet he does too,” said Rainbow. “But he does that every week. How often will he get to enjoy Nightmare Night? Anyway, maybe he can tell you all about it next week, or you could have a double tea party to make up for it, or… or something. I dunno. You should ask him, though, don’tcha think?”

Fluttershy looked to Angel, who shrugged. She looked to Harry, who nodded solemnly and grunted his quiet approval. Lastly, she looked to the Smooze, which was “gazing” down, slack-mouthed. The conversation had outclassed its brainpower long ago.

Rainbow gave her a nudge, wincing as one of the Cerberus heads poked her own eye with an ear. “Ow. Hey, come on. It’s only once.”

“Well, yes,” said Fluttershy with a sigh. “I was really hoping this would be the best Nightmare Night I ever had. No scary stuff, no worrying about everyone else worrying about me: just one of my favourite tea parties with one of my best friends.”

Harry growled.

“Of course you’re my best friend, Harry. I didn’t mean to overlook you.”

He stopped growling and started smiling again. Angel kicked her in the elbow.

“And of course you’re my best friend as well, Angel Bunny. We’ve been best friends for a long time.”

Angel nodded curtly, eyes narrowed in the classic “and don’t you forget it” style.

Fluttershy shrugged and looked up again. Overhead, the Smooze beamed back, not even noticing as a birdhouse floated up and buried itself in its green back.

“All right,” she said. “You’re right. I should let him do what he wants. I’ll have a word with him when he comes back.”

“Thattagirl,” said Rainbow, just glad she hadn’t gotten the telling off of the year this time. Gently as she could, she guided her hoof to give her friend a chummy slap on the back, though she restrained it so much that it came out as an exaggerated pat.

Fluttershy hummed and watched a nearby ringed planet loom directly ahead.

Wow, thought Rainbow Dash. She must really like those tea parties. Look at her, staring off into space! How does she do it? Tea parties are so boring, but she acts like they’re as fun as a day at a Wonderbolts show.

Well, yeah, because that’s what she likes. And she likes not going out on Nightmare Night. Come on, Rainbow. You’re not that dumb.

Then again, Fluttershy had just turned away, as though avoiding Rainbow. Rainbow wasn’t much for reading body language, but she knew what that meant.

What’s she hiding?

In fact, Fluttershy drew away slightly from Rainbow, a sure sign something was being hidden deep. Whenever she’d smelled this pungently of guilt, Fluttershy had always acted like she was a poison trying not to infect anyone.

Irritably, Rainbow shook herself down. Maybe there was something else going on, but she was hardly the mare to poke and pry about it, was she? Best not to press the point, she felt.

All the same, it wasn’t hard to guess. Fluttershy drooped like a wilting flower on her seat. She was trying to be as still as possible. Her coat smelled blue, as of one sinking into the hole of something lost, something that had once held her up and supported her.

Then Fluttershy inhaled with the effort of filling not just her lungs, but whatever hole had been present. She was no longer shying away from Rainbow’s hooves, though neither was she acknowledging them.

A vase full of flowers surged past. The Smooze sucked in those bits of itself that had dangled down from its face. Up ahead, the looming planet rose onwards and began to shrink away.

“Hey ho!” called Discord over the empty expanses.

A blazing smear of light, a sound like the sucking of a last bit of milkshake up a straw, and Discord faded back into existence before them. He had both forelimbs behind his back.

“Fixed it!” he boomed. “Homeward bound, as promised! Can I deliver, or what?”

Fluttershy sagged in her seat again. “It’s… nice.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Discord pouted and looked around thoughtfully. “The planets are a bit much, but it does have that certain ‘final frontier’ look, now doesn’t it? Of course, I haven’t visited this patch of the multiverse in aeons. Bit hard to keep track of all those space-time thingummyjigs.”

Grinning sheepishly, he brought his paw and talons round. “Here.”

Rainbow stared.

“I thought you might like these,” he continued. “As a way of expressing my… what’s the word… begins with an ‘r’?”

“Remorse?” said Rainbow.

Discord shivered. “Yes… that.”

“Not a word you’re used to saying, then.”

“Yes, thank you for that insight, Rainbow ‘Trash Talk’ Dash. It is nice to go five seconds without a reminder.”

All the same, Rainbow shuffled away from the things he was holding. “What… is that, exactly?”

“They’re native,” he said, a touch reproachfully.

They were flowers.

This being Discord, though, they weren’t ordinary flowers. Spikes and tentacles featured prominently, and those were just the stems. Rose petals clashed with tiny clusters of flower heads, which in turn sprouted Venus flytrap fangs and dangled snowdrops the size of buckets. No one flower was any one colour. When Rainbow’s gaze focused on one and went in a circle, the rounded petals she started with became splayed grass blades halfway along and finished with holly spikes and cactus spines. Hairs sprouted at random, and the smell was never the same – she gagged one minute and then hummed with vanilla delight the next.

Fluttershy reached out. She showed not the slightest quiver as Discord eased them into her grip. The Smooze gurgled and rumbled with a broad beaming smile on its face.

“They’re… nice,” she said, allowing herself a small smile.

Discord tugged at his neck as though it were a collar. “Um… no hard feelings?”

Rainbow flapped, but in this universe it was a wasted effort. The way she felt nothing… well, it creeped her out, that’s what it did.

“Can we go now?” she said urgently.

Discord scowled at her. “Trust you to spoil the mood. Ah well, let’s pull ourselves together, shall we? Bibbity, bobbity, boo.”

He snapped his digits. There was a pop and Rainbow felt suddenly stuffed in a world of pure cotton –

Eldritch Fun Times, Part VII

– and they emerged in Fluttershy’s cottage, as pure as though it had never drifted apart in the first place. Rainbow Dash briefly wondered if Discord could make a killing in interior design before the floor rose up and smacked her across the boards.

When she got up, cursing under her breath, she saw the others piled ignominiously on the sofa. Between Harry’s elbow and the Smooze’s gape, Fluttershy burst out of the pile and took a breath.

“Oops,” said Discord. “Sorry.”

The air wailed with unseen ghosts. Rainbow cocked an ear. After a few seconds, the wailing rose, then after a few more seconds, the wailing fell, but the longer it went on, the more she was sure someone somewhere would have to draw breath, and yet they didn’t.

She looked out the window. Blackness.

“This isn’t home!” she said over the wailing.

The Smooze oozed off the sofa, followed by Harry. Angel simply hopped onto the restored table while Fluttershy wiped the worst of the slime and the hairs off herself, tongue sticking out.

“We’re on our way!” Discord replied. A snap of his talons, and Fluttershy was clean again. “Just keep watching!”

Fluttershy coughed up a few stray hairs, which floated gently to the floor. “What? I told you!”

“It’s not dangerous! Look!” He jerked a thumb-like digit to the window.

Outside, a few dots of light suggested themselves. Rainbow squinted. They were… whizzing past, she guessed. In this darkness, it was hard to make them out.

“What is it?” she said over the now-high-pitched wailing.

Discord giggled. “The space between spaces! Ahahahaha!”

Growling, Rainbow shoved both Cerberus heads into her ears as improvised earmuffs. “Can you turn that sound off? It’s freaky!”

“It’s beautiful! Really, you need to appreciate the classics more, Rainbow!”

Now the dots became more obvious. Streaks went past. They must have been shooting through the entire universe to go at that speed. Rainbow licked her lips and rubbed her forelimbs together. Sometimes, Discord’s company was worth a little annoyance.

Then it sped up. The streaks of stars became ribbons of light.

Then the ribbons became bars, bars of solid glowing pink and blue. Now the wailing became urgent.

Around them, the cottage began to shake. Walls rumbled. Teacups and spoons rattled. Birdhouses swung about them. Even Rainbow, forcing herself to stand stiffly against it, felt her own teeth chatter and her hooves dance across the floor through the sheer power of that vibration.

Her cheeks were shaking. She had to squint against forces pressing into her face. For several moments, she shook so much she felt like she had two heads, and both were aching from the inside out. She had to reach up and grip her temples to steady her vision.

At this point, Angel threw a spoon at Discord. The draconequus lazily raised a paw. The spoon stopped, shattered, and floated piece-by-piece around the air before popping like a bunch of balloons in a cactus plantation.

“Oh, all right,” said Discord moodily. He snapped his digits.

The sudden change knocked Rainbow so hard onto her front that she bounced. Hastily, she flapped and righted herself, rubbing her stinging chin.

The wailing stopped. The shaking stopped. Outside, the bars of colour began to shift towards oranges and reds like a tacky neon effect. Only – now that Rainbow could pay closer attention – they seemed restricted to left and right, as though the cottage were racing between two walls.

“Gah!” she spluttered. Beside her, a splash of green showed where the Smooze had had even less luck than her.

Fluttershy rose off her sofa and flapped next to Discord, both staring out onto the explosion of colours.

“Ooh,” she said appreciatively.

“The Chasm of Enlightenment!” Discord gestured with a stretched eagle claw. “Not many ponies have ever seen this one. At least, none who didn’t go mad afterwards.”

“What!?” Rainbow yelled.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” Discord flapped his tail as though batting aside the concern. “In fact, hardly any ponies have ever found this place. It’s not something we interdimensional beings talk about much.”

“It’s beautiful.” Fluttershy drifted closer to the window, and now Rainbow could see the colours outside shining on and rushing across her face. “Look, you can see all kinds of shapes out there!”

“It’s freaky,” repeated Rainbow Dash. “Anyway, aren’t we supposed to be going home?” She wasn’t entirely happy with Discord using all the colours of the rainbow to impress Fluttershy. Vaguely, she felt that was her territory.

Discord slumped where he stood in midair. “Oh, have it your way. Yeesh, is this a convention of party-poopers? Still, I suppose it is about time we cut this short.”

Yet he was clearly watching Fluttershy, waiting for a cue. One of his ears rose slightly with hope.

“Hm?” Fluttershy looked round. “Oh, well, I, uh, don’t mind taking the scenic route.”

“You’re sure?” Discord prepared to snap his talons again.

“Absolutely! Um…” Fluttershy glanced at Rainbow Dash. “I mean, I wouldn’t want to be selfish. And… I suppose a last-minute bit of fun can’t hurt any.”

One suspicious eyebrow rose on Discord’s face. “All right. But that’s it, then? No ‘you can’t do this, Discord’ or ‘learn your lesson first, Discord’? Nothing like that?”

He too glanced at Rainbow, who could only shrug in reply. Fluttershy was just the sort to stop and gush over some pretty thing she’d noticed, but not to the point of skimping on a good telling-off.

“Could we come back here someday?” said Fluttershy to the window, as the lights shifted to greens.

“Uh…” said Discord, looking about for inspiration. But Harry and Angel had disappeared into the kitchen again, and the Smooze was slithering over to the window beside Fluttershy, nodding along with her whispered comments and pointing gestures.

“Psst,” hissed Rainbow.

Fluttershy hummed and turned her head.

“Fluttershy,” hissed Rainbow. “Got a minute?”

Discord grimaced, but said nothing. Instead, he took Fluttershy’s place at the window while she flapped over to stand before Rainbow. Beyond, the Smooze gurgled and Discord laughed as though he’d just heard the greatest witticism in history.

“When you said you should let him do what he wants,” whispered Rainbow, “I didn’t think you meant anything he wants.”

Fluttershy waved a hoof feebly. “I know what you think.”

Fiery colours burned and blazed around them. At the window, Discord and the Smooze grunted with admiration.

“But look at him!” Fluttershy fidgeted where she stood, occasionally glancing back at the two buddies. “Think, Rainbow! For over a thousand years, he’s been stuck as a statue in a garden. All that time, and he never got to do anything he wanted.”

“Yes,” said Rainbow flatly. “Because he was evil.”

“And thanks to me and all his new friends, he’s become good! He can see things he hasn’t seen in centuries! I can’t stay mad at him. He’s really just a child deep down. Only no one really understood him until I came along. I can keep him nice and friendly.”

“Well, yeah,” said Rainbow. “But what about Nightmare Night?”

Fluttershy began turning away and drawing away again.

“No, Fluttershy!” Rainbow made to grab her shoulder – to stop her – but remembered herself in time and turned it into an emphatic forward step. “Look, what’s got into you? You even agreed you’d let him choose!”

“Yes,” said Fluttershy. Amid the blazing colours, it was hard to tell, but she must be blushing again. “Only –”

“Only what? You’re worried he won’t go?”

“No.” Fluttershy swallowed. “I’m worried he won’t stay.”

Rainbow gave her such a glare that she coughed and added, “I’ll ask him, I’ll ask him. Don’t worry. I want to work up to it, that’s all.”

“Fluttershy, when you’re doing something like that, you don’t ‘work up to it’. Just get it over with. You’ll feel better. Trust me, it’s just like in training. You don’t hesitate, you don’t ask stupid questions, you don’t make up excuses, and you don’t hang about the starting line waiting for an adrenalin rush. You jump right in and give it all you got. The rest of your body’ll catch up.”

At the window, Discord suddenly groaned. He jerked. Frozen in an exaggerated grimace, he held the angular pose for just less than a second before returning to watch. The Smooze chuckled in a wet, gurgling voice that sounded like a giant toad drowning.

Fluttershy stopped fidgeting and looked pleadingly at Rainbow Dash. “But then he might leave.”

“So? He’ll get to find some fun. What’s wrong with that?” There was the scent of guilt in the air again. Rainbow narrowed her eyes. “You don’t seriously believe the rest of us will keep him out of the fun, do you?”

“No, of course not,” said Fluttershy, glowering.

“Well, then.”

“But –”

“Come on. Just do it. It’s not fair on him.” Thinking this might need something of a gentler touch, Rainbow patted her on the shoulder. “I’ll be right behind you.”

Fluttershy still stank of guilt, and it took a minute of yet more jerky, mocking poses from Discord before she finally whispered, “OK.”

Just in case, Rainbow gave her another pat on the shoulder. She smiled in the way she thought Fluttershy might have smiled were the roles reversed. At least, she hoped that her own face looked encouraging.

Fluttershy hung her head and flapped over to the two. Discord and the Smooze drew back from the window to make room for her, revealing that at some point, the walls of flashing colours outside had flipped. Now Rainbow saw lights stream under and over the cottage, as though they were flying through a psychedelic cave towards a discotheque horizon.

“Isn’t it grand?” Discord nodded to the window, grinning with the expected praise. “Imagine what Rarity could do if she saw but an iota of all this!”

“Yes. It’s… grand.” Fluttershy stared out of the window at the undemanding lights, which changed form; bubbles of pinks and reds and oranges and yellows flashed past.

Great. She’s just going to avoid it again. Come on, Fluttershy. You’re better than that.

Thankfully, the Smooze leaned forwards and nudged Fluttershy’s rump encouragingly. This had the effect of bouncing her head off Discord’s midriff, but the slight knock woke her up again, and she coughed.

“Discord,” she said. “I think I should tell you what Nightmare Night is really about.”

“Oh?” he said, leaning down.

“It’s, um, not all about hiding. In fact –” she glanced out at the window, where the lights had arranged themselves into a streaming cobweb “– really, I’m the only one who does that. Everyone else goes out on Nightmare Night. And they dress up on Nightmare Night, like Rainbow Dash did. And they go out and do stuff, on Nightmare Night.”

“Stuff?” said Discord. Rainbow relaxed. So far, he was taking this surprisingly well.

By contrast, Fluttershy fidgeted and rubbed herself and looked all over the place as though seeking escape. “Like, going door-to-door and getting candy. Or telling scary stories. Or playing scary games in mazes and apple-bobbing and singing and pin-the-tail-on-the-nightmare and evil tea parties and there’s this statue about Nightmare Moon and sometimes Luna comes to make things really spooky, and –”

The Smooze stretched and tapped her once on the shoulder, leaving a blob to trickle down her leg like a slug.

Discord’s lips parted.

“So,” said Fluttershy, straightening up. “What I want you to know is… Well, if you want to go out and see what it’s like…”

She glanced at Rainbow, who instantly nodded.

“…then you can. It’s only fair.”

Discord too glanced at Rainbow Dash. Judging from his gape and wide eyes, he wasn’t quite up-to-speed.

“So…” he said. “All that hiding away stuff…?”

“Was just my way of doing it,” said Fluttershy. “I’m sorry Discord. I really am so, so sorry –”

“And,” he continued, tapping his digits together as though trying to work out something, “I could go out and scare ponies?”

“If you want,” said Rainbow, feeling she ought to be more helpful.

“Right.” Discord scratched his chin and twirled his goatee. “And whatever I do, however scary it is, so long as no one gets hurt… that’s fine?”

“But not too scar–” Fluttershy cleared her throat. “I mean, yes.”

“Uh huh?”

Discord swallowed and bent down. Obligingly, Fluttershy cocked an ear.

He coughed nervously. “You don't think I might – Well, I mean, there's no chance, is there, that I would – You're not worried about a, um, a relapse?”

“Not even for a second.” Fluttershy didn't hesitate. She met his gaze. “I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but I can say, from the bottom of my heart, that I trust you with that much, Discord. I believe in you.”

Rainbow fought not to gag.

Instantly, Discord’s eyes lit up – not literally, but it was an extremely close thing. “So I really can?”

“Yes,” said Fluttershy with a nod.

He grinned. “As much as I like?”

A pause. Fluttershy lowered her gaze. “…Yes.”

He was already dancing on the spot, rubbing his forelimbs together. “And that’s one hundred per cent, no-strings-attached, totally, utterly, without-question fine?”

By now, Fluttershy was reduced to a single, dropping nod.

Pure blazing light swelled across the glass so fiercely that the Smooze groaned and slid behind the sofa. Fluttershy winced. Even Rainbow had to squint. However, Discord whooped and yelled and jumped and did three jigs at once, which was quite a sight when he only had one body at the time. A triumphant trumpet fanfare blared from nowhere, and the wailing voices came ringing and singing while he spun on the spot. Smells of baking cake and chocolate perfumes and creamy cheese crammed the nostrils like a force-fed buffet. Rainbow staggered under the sheer sensory overload.

Then, Rainbow Dash blinked. The world changed colour. Blues became oranges, reds became greens, whites became blacks, and vice versa.

Discord stopped dancing and landed hard on the carpet, back on both of his odd feet.

“I’m going Nightmare Night-ing, I’m going Nightmare Night-ing,” he sang.

The Smooze peered over the sofa, open-mouthed and ready to duck back down again.

For a blink, Fluttershy’s discoloured face – Rainbow blinked again, and normal colours returned – wore a smile, but Rainbow knew what that meant. Discord really was like a little child, which Fluttershy held dear to her heart, and yet…

And yet, something hidden made itself felt. Fluttershy slumped where she stood, unable to hold up the mask of good cheer.

Rainbow sighed. At this point, Fluttershy was supposed to be genuinely happy. Just do it, and it’d be a lot better than she’d expected. That’s what it should have been like.

Darn it. I’ve made things worse, haven’t I? But what was I supposed to say? “Keep him cooped up, even though he might not want to be”?

The flaring light faded. At once, Discord and the Smooze leaped – or, in the latter’s case, slimed quickly – over to the window. A single swirling spiral of lights remained.

“Ah,” said Discord. “Home sweet home. Bet you’ve never seen the galaxy from the outside, eh, Fluttershy?”

He ushered her to the window, even summoning an usher’s red uniform and torch to complete the effect. Rainbow flapped over for the heck of it. In truth, not a bad view, but she lost interest after a few seconds. They were just swirling lights, after all.

Nevertheless, she stayed and watched for Fluttershy’s sake. In the window, the reflection of genuine awe on her friend’s face was a fine enough sight in itself. Rainbow even shuffled aside to make room for Angel and Harry, wishing her fake Cerberus heads didn’t bounce so much.

All too soon, the spiral became a wall of stars, which became a cluster, which became a single, small, unregarded yellow sun. A moon hung opposite. In between them lay a world of blues and greens, which filled the window. Fluttershy never took her eyes off the scene for the entire time.

Rainbow blinked and then groaned. All the colours had flipped again.

Eldritch Fun Times, Part VIII

A minute later, the cottage hit the ground so fast that Rainbow was smacked up to the ceiling hard enough to stick.

“Ow,” she said.

A few seconds passed before she unstuck and hit the ground again.

“You did that on purpose – Ow!” She got up, noticing angrily that no one else seemed to have taken the force of impact at all.

“Sorry,” said Discord, still fussing over his face reflected on the glass. “I got so used to ignoring you that I forgot not to that time. Nightmare Night! What a… Er… How does the rhyme go, again?”

Fluttershy beamed at him and patted his elbow. “It goes like this…”

Despite the backwash of concussion in her head, both Rainbow and the Smooze smiled. Hearing Fluttershy sing was a treat in and of itself, delicate as sleigh bells but warm as a summer beach.

She sang, as though it were a lullaby, “Nightmare Niiiiiiight. What a friiiiiiight. Give us something sweet to biiiiiiite.”

Discord mouthed the words to himself. “Ah. Got it. Actually, that might work with a little jazz, or maybe set to blues music. I’m sure I could spice it up somehow.”

“Just sing that when you get to any houses, and they’ll give you lots of candy,” said Fluttershy.

With a snap of his talons, he summoned a paper bag to his side. Naturally, it kept flexing and changing shape like a really cheap screensaver effect.

He jumped and clicked his heels, or at least those bits that corresponded to heels on his hoofed leg and clawed foot. “Right ho! All set for the night of darkness and doom! Let the scarring of someone else’s childhood commence!”

Fluttershy’s giggle was enough to deflate his proud chest. He too chuckled with anticipation.

“But in a nice way, of course!” he added.

It was just an act. Oh, not on Discord’s side – Rainbow was prepared to bet anything he was over the moon about this – but the tangs of guilt remained. She sniffed the air.

Only faintly, though; it was as if the guilt were briefly banished. Rolling heavily over the tangs were the scent of lavender, a dash of vanilla, and that nose-cooling, mind-brightening odour that was a pegasus in a good mood. Rainbow Dash felt the corners of her own mouth twitch with joy. Partially fake or not, Fluttershy was smiling, at least.

“Wait a second, Disco,” said Rainbow, stepping forwards and grunting as her costume’s fake Cerberus heads bounced yet again. “Aren’t you taking a costume?”

“Bah!” said Discord, batting his paw against the floating paper bag. “For Nightmare Night, I shall go as myself. I am a hybrid, when all’s said and done. I’m sure some part of me will rise to the occasion. Or crawl up to it. Or fly onto it. Whatever. I was built for this sort of horrifying event.”

“Well, you said it, not me.” Irritably, she batted one of the heads aside. “Hey, while we’re talking costumes, don’t suppose you could, uh, do anything about this one?”

Discord skewed his mouth doubtfully. “Oh no, Rainbow Dash. Costumes are supposed to be the authentic work of the pony. I’m sure you’re not suggesting I ruin your integrity, now are you?”

“No. I’m suggesting you make it cooler. With fire coming out of its mouths, and heads like Dobermans, and snakes growing up from all the fur. You know, make it… more authentic.”

“Ha. Nice try, but I’d hate to deprive you of a valuable lesson in friendship.”

“What lesson in friendship?”

“Oh, I'm sure we could think of one sooner or later.” His wink and grin said something else, but with undercurrents of: I can do this all night, if necessary.

Rainbow sighed. So much for that long shot. “All right. In that case, just stick with me. You’ve got a lot to learn from the mistress of the night.”

“Who, Luna?”

“Very funny, Discord. I meant me.”

“Oh, yes. You should have winked, or something.”

They both went for the door, Rainbow hovering and flapping, Discord drifting over without due regard for gravity.

“OK,” she said on her way over, trying to think like Fluttershy. “You’re gonna love this. First, there’s apple-bobbing. Applejack always sets up a tub, and I bet you’d beat the record for most apples taken in a minute with a mouth like yours. Then, there’s getting the candy. Know any good multiplier spells?”

“Pfft.” Discord reached for the doorknob. “Is Twilight a Princess of Magic?”

“All right. You could’ve just said yes.”

“Ask a silly question, Rainbow.”

He opened the door. Howling winds curled around the cottage. White blurs obscured anything a few yards down the path. Chills bit into Rainbow’s face, and she backed off slightly.

“Whoops.” Discord’s tail flexed and cracked like a whip; winds, blurs, and chills shot down into the ground and seeped out of sight. “Almost forgot.”

“Haha!” said Rainbow Dash as he stepped out. “This is going to be so awesome! Discord and Nightmare Night! I wouldn’t miss that for anything!”

“Are there…” Discord licked his lips. “Are there pranks involved?”

Suddenly, the dark delight was upon Rainbow Dash. In that moment, she wondered if she was part draconequus.

“The bigger,” she said, “the better.”

“Ooh. Is that a challenge, young grasshopper?”

“Back at ya, stick insect.” Rainbow braced her wings. “Ready for the best night of the year?”

Discord braced his own mismatched wings. “Rainbow, darling, it’s not the best night of the year until I get there.”

“Goodbye,” called Fluttershy from the table.

The call was dull, flat, and empty, the verbal equivalent of a paper bag dropped in the gutter. Rainbow turned her head to look back.

Around the table, Harry and Angel sat holding cups but not drinking them. Instead, their gazes were on Fluttershy, who hovered over the sofa and dropped onto the seat. Her back was to the door, but Rainbow could guess what expression she had on her face.

“One moment,” said Discord.

A flash, and Discord disappeared and reappeared before Fluttershy. His limbs stretched across and pulled up the Smooze, which was so slack-jawed with surprise that it didn’t even react when he sat on it.

Rainbow looked ahead. The world beyond the cottage was starlit, haunted by mists, receding into shadows that whispered to childhood fears. Trees were skeletons. The stream at the foot of the hill was so dreary it might have been a metal ribbon frozen in ice.

Rainbow looked back. The world within the cottage was warmed by the crackling hearth. Sofa and settee, plump with comforts. Bric-a-brac on the shelves and table, all quiet and fussy reminders of a life of peace and luxury, though luxury of a modest sort. The timber home was like a part of the forest, which had been tamed and encouraged to settle down.

Grimacing, the Smooze slid out from under Discord, who in accordance with his own whim remained seated in midair and didn’t notice. It slithered over to Rainbow Dash, and then turned to watch.

“He’s gonna stay behind,” whispered Rainbow. She leaned forwards. Butterflies ran up her throat, tickling within her neck. “He’s changed his mind.”

The Smooze shook its head grimly.

Visible from behind, Fluttershy’s ears rose.

Then Discord said, “No hard feelings?”

He extended a paw. Fluttershy’s ears drooped, but she placed a hoof onto it, and then tugged him in for a hug, tight around his shoulders. Even Discord blushed. So did Rainbow, but only because she knew Fluttershy’s hugs like a private code. This was half of one, tight enough to leave no gap but still not her at her most burning and enthusiastic.

Then they parted.

“Phew.” Discord wiped his brow. “For a moment, I feared I might have put you off your tea with those Things breaking in.”

“You didn’t scare me too much,” Fluttershy lied.

Rainbow rolled her eyes. That idiot Discord could be so blind at times.

“Well,” he said, “have a lovely time! I’ll tell you all about it next week!”

A flash later, he was back by Rainbow’s side. “Now, where were we? Ah yes, I believe we were about to paint the town red. Well, I was anyway. I have the requisite paintbrush, after all. Rainbow Dash? Uh, Discord to Rainbow Dash? Do you copy?”

Rainbow did her best to ignore him. She was still staring after Fluttershy, or more specifically at the back of the sofa. Both drooping ears remained still.

Beside her, she felt the Smooze give her a nudge. Clammy clumps squirmed and oozed down her flank, but she barely noticed.

What was the downside, really? She and Discord got a fun night out with friends, and Fluttershy got what she’d wanted last time, a quiet evening with her animal friends. Even the Smooze was a harmless enough guest, provided it didn’t eat anything shiny. So what was missing?

Well, Discord of course, but she’d see him next week. Even without him, this was still Fluttershy’s best Nightmare Night. She was alone – with her animal friends, obviously – peaceful, relaxing, all that stuff Rainbow thought was killing time until something interesting happened, but which was interesting to a mind like Fluttershy’s.

What was the downside? What was missing? What was Fluttershy hiding?

If it had been Rainbow, the answer would’ve been clear. Pony company. But Fluttershy didn’t think like that. She always liked being on her own – with her animal friends, obviously…

…didn’t she?

Well, Rainbow always liked having ponies around, and not just to show off to or to compete with. Some of her best times had been setting off lightning with a big crowd underneath, watching them scream and laughing her head off at their reactions… Or the fun time she and Applejack got into a contest to see who could clear the Apple family maze of monsters first, that had been a good year…

Or the time she’d had a lie-in, all by herself… Or the time she’d sat up one night, on a cloud in the middle of nowhere, staring up at the stars and wondering if a pegasus could fly high enough to touch them…

OK, so she didn’t always like having ponies around…

Maybe Fluttershy didn’t always like being alone.

But it was just one night, surely?

The One Night, in fact. The best Nightmare Night, as far as Fluttershy was concerned, was also a Discord night. And, OK, so he wasn’t technically a pony, but he could talk. He was, loosely, a part of pony society. Sometimes, it was probably nice even for Fluttershy to have someone around who couldn’t be looked up in a field guide.

And tonight, all Fluttershy’s pony friends would be out and about, while she was stuck – no, while she stuck herself in here, where she didn’t have to see her friends’ faces wide with terror.

Rainbow sighed. She didn’t need the Smooze’s second nudge.

“Ahem,” said Discord coldly.

Finally, Rainbow grinned up at him. “Tell you what,” she said. “I’ll, like, catch up with you later? I got one or two things to talk to Fluttershy about.”

Discord raised an eyebrow at her. His goatee shivered as he jutted his jaw. “Is that so?”

“Go to Twilight’s castle and tell the others to start without me. They’ll show you all the cool stuff we do on Nightmare Night. You want a competition, Applejack’s your mare. She beat me at apple-bobbing once, though she says I ‘technically won’ –”

“You make it sound like you’ll be gone a while,” persisted Discord.

Rainbow fiddled with one of the Cerberus heads, not meeting his eye. “Let’s just say don’t hold your breath.”

“I don’t actually need to breathe, but if you insist…?”

A chuckle escaped his lips. Suddenly, his paw was on Rainbow’s head, and she gritted her teeth as he ruffled her mane.

“Good doggy,” he said, chuckling.

“Just get going.” She batted him off.

“Loyal to a fault, aren’t you just?” His wheedling words echoed through her head, long after he burst into flames and vanished. Loyal to a fault, aren’t you just loyal to a fault aren’t you loyal to a just loyal to a fault loyal you just fault…

“Stupid draconequus,” she muttered, and she slammed the door.

As quietly as she could, she slipped over to the table, not even looking up when Fluttershy gasped. Angel Bunny’s ears rose. Harry grunted in acknowledgement and nodded once. Only when she was about to sit down on the settee between them did Rainbow meet Fluttershy’s eye.

Curiosity peeped through that face. Both eyes gaped at her. Fluttershy’s mouth peeked through a tiny hole in the dark.

“I thought you were going out,” she breathed.

“Yeah, well, you know how it is.” Rainbow squirmed a little in her seat. It was amazing what she could get away with if she spoke loudly enough. “Discord out on Nightmare Night? I think a big know-nothing know-it-all like him would cramp my style. He just doesn’t get what a good scare is. Twilight can give him a few lessons first; get him up to speed. Anyway, it ain’t fair to go head-to-head with a newbie.”

Fluttershy closed her tiny mouth.

“But I could do with a hot drink.” Rainbow snatched a cup from the table at random – hot chocolate, judging from the bits floating around the edge on the surface – and glanced over the table. “And some of that carrot cake. Angel’s recipe, yeah?”

Angel’s squeak was drawn-out and suspicious.

“Anyway, I like to take it easy.” Rainbow slurped. Ah yes, that was Fluttershy’s style all right. So much sugar her entire jaw tingled with the stuff, and so much milk that this was almost a thick milkshake slick on her tongue. “You look like you got a load of treats in this den. Why go all over town when I can just grab something here? It’s stupid.”

“Yeah…” Fluttershy relaxed her brow. “Kinda silly, when you put it like that.”

“Also, the Weather Team made it way too cold tonight.” Swapping her cup for a plate with a slice on it, Rainbow leaned back on the settee and heard its satisfying groan against her surrendering spine. “You can’t work up a good scare when your teeth are chattering like crazy. I bet Rarity’d make a good costume for that, but it’s just not the same. This Cerberus one sure as sugar won’t do it. I was freezing all the way here. Nah, I’m better off where it’s warm. Save the chill for winter.”

A little smugness wriggled with glee in Rainbow’s head. She saw Fluttershy’s face fill up with cheer as the words poured on. There was even a wink.

“My goodness,” said Fluttershy, trading her cup for a slice of cake too. “It’s lucky Discord left so much stuff for you, or I’d never be able to manage one more guest.”

“You got it in one, Fluttershy.”

A slurp, a gloop, and a rumbling groan. The Smooze sagged beside them, mouth a wavy curl of misery.

Without stopping to think, Fluttershy tipped her slice of cake into it. The squelching took a while. The Smooze rose up, its sagging slime heaping again, and it turned its frown upside-down. They saw the slice sink into the semi-transparent gunk.

“Of course, you’re more than welcome to join us, Mister Smooze,” said Fluttershy.

Harry groaned. He and Angel raised their plates too. As one, the tea party took their first bites, Fluttershy alone using a fork tied to a wristband to assist her ladylike portions.

In between bites, Rainbow sighed with relief. She could always set up a few pranks tomorrow.

After Angel squeaked, Fluttershy said happily, “Angel tells me that’s a nice costume, Rainbow Dash. He wants to know why you went for Cerberus this year.”

Rainbow shrugged, but then the cake had been nice, so she answered, “I just thought it looked cool. You know, a heck-hound from Tartarus. Can’t get much more radical than that.”

After Harry grunted, Fluttershy added, “That’s right, Harry! We were talking to Twilight about Cerberus once, weren’t we? Twilight said a lot of things about that lovely little doggie. How he guards more than just the evil creatures of Tartarus. What was it…? Oh, yes. He guards ‘the darkness at the heart of ponydom’.”

Through a mouthful – Angel had outdone himself this time – Rainbow said, “Oh yeah? Wad’s dat mean?”

“I don’t know.” Fluttershy beamed at her. “All I know is that Cerberus is very loyal, and very sweet, and he always does his best to make Celestia happy.”

Beside them, the Smooze beamed at one and then at the other, apparently just happy to be there.

Rainbow swallowed. “Yeah? Twilight said that, did she?”

“Uh huh.”

“Cool. Hey, can I have another slice of cake? Uh, please?”

Oh, she knew about the crumbs all over her costume’s front and around her mouth, but it wasn’t as if she didn’t already look kinda ridiculous. Both Cerberus heads were starting to warm her ears. There wasn’t such a buzz now, but a gentle hum, as though the world itself were contentedly remembering a song from long ago.

After all, Fluttershy was laughing. What said “contentment” more than that?