Where Are My Beans?! (An Interactive Story)

by Super Trampoline

Rating: teen
Tags: Thriller, Adventure, Equestria Girls, Pinkie Pie, Sunset Shimmer, Profanity, Random, Narcotics, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person
Length: 1133

Sunset Shimmer has lost her beans! Can you help her find them?

Sunset Shimmer has lost her beans! Can you help her find them?

And experiment in non-linear fiction

Published 2017-12-21 11:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2017-12-21 11:20:07 UTC

Mr. Bean

Oops, there are no beans here! There is an angry Twilight Sparkle with a frying pan. She chases you, knocks you out, sings a song from Tangled, then does some paperwork while you recuperate. Hey, you've had worse evenings.

I've Bean All Good People Turn Their Heads This Way

You walk into the closet, hoping to find the beans and put this mad chapter of existence behind you. Instead you find about 150 of Applebloom's bows and... Scootaloo?

"Spppt, keep it down, I'm trying to hit up in here, don'tcha know?"

Okay, so apparently Scoots is a junkie and Minnesotan. What a weird day. But you still haven't found those beans, and poor Shimmy is getting frantic. Better go back and try again.

You're a Bean One, Mr. Grinch

You find Pinkie in her underground party bunker, but she escapes! Quick, find some beans she left beanhind so you can eat them and fart your way up the slide! (I'm sure Sunset won't mind if a few are missing.)

I'll Bean There as Performed By The Jackson Five

Oh God, What is this?! You stumble across...

Starlight is there in Twilight's castle... doing... "Jesus Fuck Glim Glam, what the ever McLovin fuck are you doing?" you ask the purple banana pony.

Starlight turns to you with a creepy grin. "Oh, why hello Anon. See this banana?"

Yes, you nod.

Somehow her grin intensifies, as she slowly crushes the banana in her magic. little bits escape the field and splatter through out the room. one lands on your face. You instinctively lick it up before you can stop yourself.

You scream and run away.

Starlight starts to masturbate.

I've Bean Beaning to Tell You...

You finally arrive back at the cafeteria, just in time to see Sunset take a hearty bite of her farty beans. Pinkie smiles at you knowingly. "Perhaps it was all just a dream, Anon."

Was it all for naught? You look down at your hands. They start to dissolve. The room starts to dissolve. You begin to dissolve. None of this is real. Is anything real? Click the Beans to Find Out

In the Hall of the Mountain Bean

You rush into Sugar Cube Corner, confident you've finally sugar cube cornered Pinkie (aaayye!).

"Why hello there, Anon. I see you think you have me corned. Consider yourself wrong. For I am... well rounded! With this she rolls down the stairs to the party cave, but in her acrobatics, drops some beans. Quick, pick them up. They are the key to your success in your mission to retrieve sunset's beans.

Bean Girls

Oh God. You successfully entered the portal, but it was the wrong portal. You accidentally entered the pregnancy portal, where all the ponies are pregnant, all the time. Pinkie Pie is there, but she has no beans, only a fetus. "Oh hi, Anon," she says chipperly. "I hope you enjoy pregnancy! I know I sure due! Get it? Due? Due you get it? I'm due in due weeks. I'm so excited! Oh also, you're pregnant too, Anon!"

It's true. You're pregnant.

BAD END

It's Bean Nice Knowing You

With a plop, you land in Twilight's laboratory. You smell beans. Sure enough, Pinkie is sitting there in the middle of the laboratory eating them. "Hey," you shout, "Those are Sunset Shimmer's! Give them back!"

Pinkie Pie however has other ideas, sticking her tongue out at you. "No way Jose, these beans are mine now. You'll have to catch me if you want them. Smell you later!" And again, she dashes out the door.

Click on the beans to continue.

You Are So Beantiful To Me

Man, you've been having horrible luck. First, your friend's beans got stolen, and now you're facing down a very, VERY angry dragon. You're probably going to die. Shit. sucks to be you.

BAD END

Beanto Box

You wander as best you can on your wobbly pony hooves into the bright sunshine of Ponyville. This isn't your first foray here, so you aren't completely lost, just pretty lost. But you figure you have a good idea where Pinkie will head. And fortunately, you see a candy maker you recognize. "Yo, Bon Bon, which way to Sugar Cube Corner?"

This must be a common occurance or something, as she doesn't even look up from the transaction she's handling, but instead merely points a hoof in the right direct. "Thanks," you say. Now follow those beans!

The Beanginning

One day during lunch, Sunset Shimmer felt a little wet down there and realized it was time to change her pad. I don't have a vagina so if this isn't how things work, please inform me so I can correct the knowledge stored within my brain. Anyway she got up and headed towards the restroom. Nothing unusual about that. Nothing unusual about the company she was keeping that day either: her friends.

YET, when she came back from the bathroom (insert reference to human biology being diferent than horse biology here), her beans were gone!

"Girls!" Sunset asked frantically, "have you seen my beans?!?!?"

Most of them were too self absorbed to notice or care that her beans were gone, but not Pinkie Pie. She noticed and cared. That's why she's Most Least Unexceptional pony. Well, one of the reasons. She also gives excellent head.

Anyway, Pinkie responded. "Hey, anon, I saw my pony doopleganger rush into the room and run out with Sunset's beans. She was pretty clumsy, so I bet you can still catch her!"

"Thanks, Pinks!" you shout, before turning to a distraught Sunset. "M'lady, I will find your beans. That is my promise to you. Now away I must go to retrieve them! I shall return!"

You run out of the cafeteria doors and out the school doors and see a pink blur disappear into the mirror beneath the Canterlot High Horse Statue. She dropped something. You run closer, to find that... it's beans! Click on the beans to advance to the next chapter!

Beanwhile...

And that's when Pinkie Pie turns to you and speaks. "Okay Anon, I can't throw you off my tail. Figuratively speaking. But I can turn your quest into an absurdist one."

'More than it already is?" you ask, concerned about whatever is going to happen next.

"Yep. I'm going to return the beans back to Shimmy Sham, rendering your quest null and void! Bwahahaha! Waiting for Godot? More like waiting for legumes! Ha! That doesn't even make sense!"

Quick, dear Anon, she is rushing back towards the mirror portal! Grab some of the lentils she's dropped. They're technically not beans, but who cares!?