The Beanis Between Us

by Fuzzyfurvert

Rating: teen
Tags: Equestria Girls, Comedy, Random, Sex, Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle (EqG)
Length: 1926

Twilight's data tranfer rates needs speeding up, so she calls in help from Sunset.

Having added new features to her Beanis Brand Sexual Aid and Information Injector, Twilight Sparkle decides she can kill two birds with one stone by combining product testing and researching. However, the data transfer speed is a little underwhelming. Not wanting to spend another long night in the lab, Twilight calls on the aid of her friend, Sunset Shimmer.

Published 2017-11-20 13:00:11 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-20 13:00:11 UTC

Thankfully the One Chapter

The clock beside her bed clearly said 1:59 AM.

The screen on her phone clearly said the incoming call was from Twilight Sparkle.

Sunset Shimmer groaned and thumbed the little icon to answer on speaker. “Twilight...these early morning calls have got to stop. I have...stuff...in morning.” Sunset grimaced and closed her eyes, adjusting her pillow for something more comfortable. Her room was dark and cool enough to warrant a blanket, just like she liked it. Every second she wasn’t sleeping was one more closer to her lunch shift as the Sushi Shack. “What do you want?”

“Oh...um...nothing much.” Twilight’s voice chuckled tiredly from the other end of the line. “I was hoping you could help me with a little data transfer.”

Sunset rubbed her cheek deeper into her pillow. “I’m in bed, Twilight. I’m not going to set up a file share right now. You should have everything you need on the group drive anyway.”

“This is...different.” Twilight paused and Sunset heard the swish of labcoat cloth and squeak of a desk chair. “I’m working on a new batch of proteins with a denser capacity for complex information strings that should be capable of cross checking related datalkaloids.”

“‘Datalkaloids’?” Sunset sighed, listening to the chair squeaks caused by Twilight’s unseen nodding. “Let me guess, alkaloid structures in the proteins to tag the data in a meaningful way so it can be searched and therefore, linked? Like a related wikipedia search?”

“Mmmm...yes…”

Sunset grinned. “That’s pretty clever actually. It’s how you got the proteins to bind to neural receptors in the first place, right? Then you just connect the right ones to the related information and look for the structure to find them.” She opened her eyes and looked up at her ceiling. “It’s elegant. And makes for a funny pun too.”

“Yeah...that’s some real good marketing, baby.” Twilight moved again, making her already squeaky chair get louder. “What do you think about calling these new beefier beanises ‘Information Injectors’? Like...mmmm...uh, adding it to the name?”

Sunset turned to look over at her bedside table where the phone sat. Twilight sounded winded and Sunset had to wonder what the girl was doing to keep herself awake. “I guess that works. Clear and to the point. Still working on your commercial site?”

Twilight grunted positively.

“I don’t know how you want to try to sell these beanises, Twi. Like, are they learning devices or sex toys? Can they be both?” Sunset put her hands behind her head and took a deep breath, imagining Twilight feverishly hammering away at her computer, building her beanis shop’s backend functionality while also coming up with how to funnel sales in from social media outlets.

“It can be...um...both. Oh god...uff.” Twilight groaned again and her breathing started to sound faster. “What...tell me...tell me what you think would be some good bullet points? I need help, Sunset. I’m almost there...waiting for the...the data transfer speed is a little slow.”

“You mean like a list of features to market the beanis on?”

“Please. Oh fuck, I need this, Sunset.”

“You must be getting tired, Twilight. Don’t be too hard on yourself, okay?” Sunset shook her head and bit her lips, thinking on Twilight’s pet project-slash-magical abomination. While at first she’d viewed the whole thing as completely mental and maybe a little retarded, it was starting to grow on her. The magical and scientific development Twilight had put into it was groundbreaking and had dozens of other applications that were arguable better than a sex aid, but at least it got the progress in that area progressing. It still freaked her out in person, but the idea at least, was worth helping her friend out with.

“Uh, how about lifelike? And maybe something about customization and your choice of...ejaculate substitution?” Sunset smirked. “Don’t forget that it’s bluetooth enabled for some reason.”

“It’s part of the Internet of Thingies.” Twilight giggled, still panting through Sunset’s phone speaker. Sunset raised an eyebrow at Twilight’s raspy tone. She hoped the girl wasn’t getting sick with all these late nights in the lab.

“How’s that transfer coming?”

Twilight’s giggle kicked up a notch and an octave. “It’s not! That’s the problem! I’m almost done and it’s not! But talking to you, Sunset, seems to have helped a lot.”

“Glad I can be of service...weird though it is.” Sunset sighed tiredly, letting her eyes ease closed again. “Oh! Wait, I just thought of something!”

“Mmmm...fuck..okay?” Twilight grunted amid more noisy shuffled and squeaks and a wet sounding squelch. “Why does the last...two percent...always seem to take the longest? What is it, Sunset? Got, uh, distracted there.”

“I just thought of a terrible pun.”

“Give it to me, quick and hard, babe.”

“Babe?” Sunset sat up and looked at her phone, her cheeks and ears suddenly feeling warm. “Uh...it’s just, if you’re going to offer injectable liquid information, why not call it ‘e-Jaculate?’ You know, like e-mail? I know it’s not electrically transferred, but it’s sort of like that, right? Plus people are familiar with the term if not the details. It would be snappy and tongue-in-cheek, right? A lot of companies do that sort of stuff these days.”

Twilight made a series of noncommittal grunts and guttural utterances that sounded like she was being punched in the literal gut. The squelching sound and squeaking got a lot louder at the same time. Sunset frowned, concerned, when she heard Twilight hiss and gasp over and over again.

“Twilight? Are you running some other experiments? Do you need me to come over?”

“N-nononon!” Twilight yipped, her voice breaking. “I just came...I mean I just finished...I mean the data finished. Er...yeah. You just stay there in bed. Thanks for the help. I just needed to hear you while I injected myself.”

“Injected?’” Sunset sat in her bed, thinking, her cheeks and ears continuing to get hot. “Twilight...were you using a beanis while talking to me?”

“Yes? I had to check the transfer speeds, Sunset. How else am I supposed to do that, when you keep refusing my offers at a business partnership? That means I have to do my own product testing!”

“B-b-but...you were getting off that whole time?!” Sunset fumed, slamming her hands down into the blanket hard enough to make the bed shake. “Twilight, that is...is rude...I think? I don’t even know anymore on this hell planet. Why on earth would you need to hear me?”

The phone was silent for a moment. Then Twilight sighed, her voice a quiet mumble. “I...I, uh, like your voice.” She swallowed audibly. “I wanted to increase the speed of the injection and since I was already...in progress...I couldn’t stop to get a visual aid, so I thought maybe if I listened to something I found attractive, it would have a similar effect.”

“Did it?” Sunset huffed and plucked at her sleep shirt. It felt clingy and too warm to her.

“Um, yeah. Thank you...by the way.” Twilight’s end of the line swished and creaked as the girl moved around and Sunset did her best to not picture the scene. “You actually helped me twice over. Three, if you count that silly pun. I will be stealing that.”

Sunset fanned herself for a moment and then peeled off her shirt to let the bedroom’s cool air flow over her. “You can have it. Um...how else did I help?”

“Oh!” Twilight giggled again. “Crap, it’s leaking out. Hmmm...I’m not forgetting anything. I think?”

“Twilight?” Sunset reached toward the phone, suddenly concerned again. “Is everything okay?”

“Hmm? No, I’m good. Just need to find a napkin or something...I hope this doesn’t stain.” Twilight hummed to herself for a moment while there was more lab coat swishing noises in the background. “Note to self: check if the protein solutions stain clothing or upholstery and research potential work arounds or third party cleaning agents.”

The humming started again and got distant as Twilight moved away from the phone, leaving Sunset alone, sitting flustered and topless in her bed. Try as she might, Sunset couldn’t shake several images of what Twilight must be cleaning or what was leaking from where out of her head. Only slightly disgusted with herself, she reached one hand under the blankets. “Twilight? You, uh, still there?”

Distantly. “Yeah! Just cleaning out my...uh, cleaning the...I’ll be right back!” There were more noises, a clattering of something glass and rushing of water. All the while, more and more illicit imagery crept through Sunset’s mind at a snail’s pace, each more sloppy and weirdly hot than the last. If Twilight had gotten the data compression down far enough, they could start using the e-Jaculate(patent pending) to inject massive loads of knowledge on any subject imaginable. They could even make use of the several natural access ports to deliver some sort of brainkakke worth for sticky hot data!

The idea of Twilight coating herself with knowledge was strangely electrifying, Sunset biting down on her lip while she waited for her friend to come back to the phone. She choked back a low moan and shivered when she heard Twilight returning.

“I’m back! Sorry about that, Sunset, the protein mix was a bit more runny than I was planning. Might be a good idea to add something to thicken it up a little. Just throw in a little gelatin?” Twilight chuckled, slow and low as she saddled back up to the phone. “I used something of yours, Sunset. For the test with the tagged datalkaloid. You remember that paper on preliminary magical theory you were working on? I took it off the lab computers and coded it into a protein solution.”

Sunset inhaled sharply, chewing and tapping her lips. She shuddered, sinking a little back into her blankets and pillow. “Really? I wouldn’t have thought it was worth it. All of it is conjecture and opinion with little actual hard research to back up the claims. That’s why I backburnered it. But...you just...used it?”

“Yeah.” Twilight’s voice got quiet again. “Splattered my insides with diagrams of magical field theory. Squirted myself full of potential usage outlines. Creampied a load of amplification suggestions into my baby chamber.” Twilight sighed, sounding tired and breathy from the memories. “It was pretty amazing, actually. Then when I went back for your reference section...I just thought that maybe if I heard you too, it could speed up the transfer of the data from it’s liquid superstate if I was...er...more receptive to receiving it?”

Twilight giggled nervously. Sunset rolled over and jammed her face into her pillow to keep her scream muffled.

“It seemed to help,” Twilight continued, “and I wanted you to know that I really appreciate it. I'll show you the numbers tomorrow.”

After a moment or two to catch her breath, Sunset turned her head to speak to her phone. “I’m glad...to be of service. To the further pursuit of science, of course.” She shivered, riding a wave of shakes from deep inside her body. “And to you too, Twi.”

Twilight didn’t reply, her breathing loud, as if she was cradling her own phone close.

“I’m tired now.” Sunset smirked. “We can talk more in the morning, okay?”

“Sure.” Twilight’s voice was whisper soft. “Goodnight, Sunset.”

“G’night, Twilight.” Sunset closed her eyes, yawning while her bed consumed her and started to ferry her back to the Land of Nod.

“Love you.”

The clock said 2:18 am. The phone beeped, the call coming to an end with Twilight Sparkle’s name on the screen as it faded back into sleep mode.