Hard Knocks and Kirin Poetry: a Moondancer Story

by Samey90

Rating: teen
Tags: Moondancer, Comedy, Limestone Pie, Violence, Slice of Life, Berry Punch, Twinkleshine, Narcotics, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Colgate
Length: 7654

Moondancer takes a break from her research on High Energy Magic to watch a boxing match and make some bad decisions.

Moondancer takes a break from her research on High Energy Magic to check what Canterlot has to offer: watching a charity boxing match with her friends, meeting some new ponies, and making some bad decisions. Also, kirin poetry.

Explicitly set in the same universe as Limelight

Preread by Cinder Vel
Cover image credits: Moondancer by Magister39, Jinx by sofunnyguy, Minuette, Twinkleshine, and Lemon Hearts by 8-Notes, background by csillaghullo

Published 2018-11-06 22:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-11-06 22:20:01 UTC

Gigathaum Hours

“However, Charge Carrier et al. proved that in order for such a spell to work, a crystal capable of providing at least three gigathaum hours of raw magical energy over the span of seventy two hours would have to be installed at the base of the matrix.” Moondancer looked into her notes. “Until such a crystal is designed, the Cold Stone-Apple Polish Ritual remains only a theoretical possibility.”

She turned to the red-maned pony sitting at the desk and looking at the typewriter, sweating profusely. “Are you done, Cayenne?”

“Yeah,” Cayenne stretched her hooves. “A theoretical possibility. Is it even possible to make such a crystal?”

“If so, it’d generate enough heat to burn through the floor.” Moondancer levitated the sheet of paper out of the typewriter. “It’s ‘et al.’, not ‘et all’ and ‘gigathaum hours’, not ‘gigathaum per hour’.”

“Isn’t it the same thing?” Cayenne asked.

“Yes, but I said ‘gigathaum hours’.” Moondancer rolled her eyes. “Also, it’s Apple Polish, not Applepolish. Two words.”

Cayenne tilted her head, looking at the typescript. “Are you sure?”

Moondancer sighed. “She was my neighbour at the campus once. Haven’t you heard about her? I think she still carries out the entry exams in the School for Gifted Unicorns.”

“Instead of turning an apple into a diamond, I managed to make it explode.” Cayenne smiled sheepishly. “They didn’t want to see me after that.”

“Aren’t those tests also the way to check how you deal with failure?” Moondancer asked.

Cayenne shrugged. “Well, muttering ‘oh, fuck me’ and throwing up from stress is probably not the best way to deal with failure.”

“No, it’s not.” Moondancer sighed. “I only threw up after my exam, when I managed to leave the hall.” She looked at the paper, furrowing her eyebrows. “Okay, I’ll check it for mistakes and you’ll rewrite those pages tomorrow.”

“Again?”

“You’re getting paid two bits per a thousand words,” Moondancer replied. “Rewrites mean more money for you, right?”

“For a given value of ‘more’.” Cayenne got up, stretching her hooves. “Dad told me he wouldn’t include me in his will if I didn’t work to learn the value of money. So right now, I can tell him I earn enough to buy four tomatoes per hour. Or type non-stop for fifty-two days to get a dress at Rarity’s boutique.”

“I don’t think I have that many papers to type, even with your mediocre typing speed,” Moondancer scoffed.

Cayenne looked at her, furrowing her eyebrows. She said nothing, however, and soon left Moondancer’s house. Moondancer sighed with relief; having other ponies at home was just not her thing.

In fact, she always thought getting a typist was not a good idea, especially since Cayenne wasn’t even a professional. She was, as far as Moondancer recalled, a friend of Lemon Hearts’ little sister, Citrus Blush, whose father had loads of money he’d gotten while trading spices and infamously short temper when it came to his profligate daughter.

Besides, she didn’t even need a typist. Well, she wouldn’t, if it wasn’t for her unwillingness to ever write the same thing twice. A quill was enough; why would she use a typewriter to write something again when there were so many new things to write? Thus, a lot of her papers, such as “On the Possible Applications of Cold Stone-Apple Polish Ritual in High Energy Magic” ended up being solely manuscripts. Or, more exactly, a jumbled mass of ideas written down in messy hornwriting – Moondancer usually thought faster than she wrote and the first drafts of her papers were nothing more than a stream of consciousness. Thus, she couldn’t just give her notes to someone and ask them to type. She had to translate and read them.

Hence why Cayenne appeared in her life. Moondancer had to clean the room and shower from time to time. She also had to move her afternoon coffee to five o’clock, which ruined her life for at least a couple of weeks.

Upon the thought of coffee, she went to the kitchen. However, before the water had a chance to boil, Moondancer heard the doorbell. She sighed; it must’ve been Cayenne who forgot something. Moondancer walked across the cluttered kitchen and library. When passing the door to her study, she took a brief look at the typewriter and groaned before going to the hall.

She opened the door. To her surprise, it wasn’t Cayenne. The bright smile and two-tone mane most definitely belonged to Minuette. She walked inside Moondancer’s house and looked around.

“Hello,” she said. “I met your typist on my way here. She didn’t seem happy.”

“That makes the two of us,” Moondancer muttered. “Tell me, Minuette, is it possible to produce a crystal that’d consistently generate three gigathaum hours of raw magical energy?”

“We recently commissioned a sapphire in the Crystal Empire that should do one gigathaum hour if it grows correctly and they cut it with no flaws. I guess it’d be theoretically possible to connect three of those, but you’d need a radiator the size of a house. You know, the University of Tirekspol once experimented with conjoined crystals with a theoretical power output of ten gigathaum hours. They still don’t know if their Department of Practical Necromancy exploded or went sideways in time, but apparently some of the workers survived.” She shrugged. “Becoming a half-burned magical zombie still counts as surviving. And apparently one of them managed to write a doctorate after that.”

“Good for them.” Moondancer shook her head. She was more versed in theory. Minuette would sometimes find practical uses for her findings, but more often she’d say that they were dangerous, impractical, or amoral, making them but a footnote in the history of research on magic.

“Yeah, they don’t have to eat or sleep anymore.” Minuette shrugged. “Any plans for tonight aside from coffee and reading books on high-energy magic?”

“No,” Moondancer replied. “Speaking of, my coffee’s almost ready, so if you’d be so kind–”

“Yeah, that’s very nice of you.” Minuette trotted across the hall of Moondancer’s house.

“That’s not what I–” Moondancer sighed, seeing that Minuette was already on the couch in her living room, moving a stack of books aside to sit down comfortably.

“You know what?” Minuette said, looking at the cobwebs in the corners of the room. “At this point you could hire a maid. Your asthma would get better, I’m sure.”

“I’m not hiring anyone to put my stuff in the wrong order,” Moondancer replied. “I know where everything is and if somepony misplaces those things...”

“I know, I know.” Minuette smirked. “You know how ponies are always interested in daily lives of famous ponies? Like, that thing about Starswirl the Bearded spending evenings polishing the bells on his hat or that Rockhoof started each day eating thirty eggs and drinking a barrel of beer? Which, by the way, is not true. He’d drink two barrels.”

“What does it have to do with anything?” Moondancer asked, levitating the tray, two cups, and some cookies.

“I wrote that stuff down for you,” Minuette replied. “Famous scientist Moondancer starts a day at ten, drinking three cups of coffee. Each made of exactly sixty beans, no sugar. For breakfast, she eats two boxes of filly guides cookies she always buys from the same kid hanging out by the Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. She then gives lectures for an increasingly smaller group of students, drinks more coffee, grabs some soup from the cafeteria and locks herself up in a lab where she writes and inhales toxic fumes. Then the library, more writing, more coffee, coming back home, self-loathing–”

“You know I can poison your coffee and throw your body in the magical reactor, right?” Moondancer smiled. “No one would ever find it.”

“You can’t set up the magical reactor without my help.”

“Touché.” Moondancer put the cup of coffee in front of Minuette and sat on the cozy armchair standing by the large window. “So, what exactly brings you here?”

“Your great coffee,” Minuette replied, taking a sip and almost choking on the thick, dark liquid.

“Yeah, and the bitter sense of despair that follows it.” Moondancer rolled her eyes. “Cut the small talk. What brings you here?”

“Girls’ night out,” Minuette replied. “You know, all the girls. Including Twilight and you.”

Moondancer sighed. “Why?”

Minuette raised her eyebrows. “Any other plans?”

“No.”

“See? Also, that’s a girls’ night out. I have something special planned for you all...” Minuette smiled at Moondancer.

“Does it include that little unassuming building in Southern Canterlot where you can choose one of the kirin mares. For a hundred bits, you can spend a night drinking tea in the hot spring and discussing poetry. For five hundred they put your head underwater and–”

“No,” Minuette replied, wincing. The cup of coffee froze in front of her as her magic flickered. “Have you heard of it?”

Moondancer blushed. “Briefly.”

“I heard they also do that thing when–” Minuette cleared her throat. “Nevermind. We’re not going there.”

“That wouldn’t be the best idea.” Moondancer shrugged, staring at her coffee. “I’m certainly in no mood for poetry.”

“Umm… poetry, yeah.” Minuette smirked. “That’s good actually, because we’re going to–”

Moondancer shuddered, throwing nervous glances around. The place was full of ponies. Not that she had a problem with that; libraries were full of ponies too and yet she found them an oasis of tranquility. The problem was, those ponies were just noisy. None of them would shut up even for a minute and they were all gathered in a large hall, where echoes would amplify their voices.

“You okay there?” Minuette asked.

“Sure,” Moondancer muttered, scanning the crowd. “Where are the rest?”

“Minuette! Moondancer!”

“Over there,” Minuette replied, trotting towards Lemon Hearts and Twinkleshine. They stood in the corner. Twinkleshine looked at Moondancer and levitated a few coins to Lemon Hearts.

“See? Told you she’d come,” Lemon Hearts said. She was levitating a glass of beer and if someone didn’t know her, they’d think it wasn’t her first; however Lemon’s exuberant attitude was something entirely independent from her blood alcohol content. “How’s life going, Moonie?”

“Your sister’s friend is the worst typist I’ve ever seen,” Moondancer replied. “But I almost finished the paper on the Cold Stone-Apple Polish Ritual, despite her best efforts.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Twinkleshine said. Unlike Lemon Hearts, she’d rarely break her stoic facade. “You’d better hurry with your paper because after my doctorate, it’ll be called Cold Stone-Apple Polish-Twinkleshine Ritual.”

“Scientists.” Lemon Hearts rolled her eyes. “Soon saying the name of that ritual will take longer than producing that two gigathaums per hour crystal.”

“Three,” Minuette replied.

“Gigathaum hours,” Moondancer said. “In short, gTh.”

Minuette smirked. “We really are a bunch of nerds.”

“That’s what I told Moondancer in the Magic Elementary when she changed a bully into a locker and shoved another bully into it,” Twinkleshine said.

“Yeah, it got pretty awkward when they changed him back without checking what was inside.” Minuette winced. “And Moondancer got suspended for non-consensual spellcasting. Although Ms. Hackney said it was a good spell.”

“It wasn’t,” Moondancer said. “The transformation wasn’t complete and the locker still had organs and stuff inside…”

“Eww…” Minuette groaned. “Still, a good spell for an eight-year-old. I can’t change a pony into a locker to this day. And speaking of nerds, where is Twilight?”

“Oh, she’s obviously busy with a friendship problem.” Twinkleshine rolled her eyes. “It turns out Berry will be fighting her friend’s sister.”

“Aren’t we her friends too?” Lemon Hearts asked.

“Fighting?” Moondancer’s eyes widened.

Minuette cleared her throat and pointed at the large sign Moondancer hadn’t noticed before due to being focused on the crowd. In bright, flashy letters it announced The Greatest Comeback of the Century, One of a Kind Charity Fight, as well as Amazing Display of Strength and Bravery. Moondancer winced.

Lemon Hearts frowned. “Well, if you don’t–”

“It may be fun.” Moondancer smirked.

“Lemon, I’d like to remind you the last time we got Moondancer drunk,” Twinkleshine muttered. “She took her sweater off, punched Minuette, and then tried to get into a fight with police, yelling something about all of her earth pony ancestors watching her from Elysium. I actually checked The Great Book of Equestrian Genealogies and Noble Unicorns of Canterlot. Moondancer has exactly one earth pony ancestor in thirty generations. Her mother, who’s still alive.”

“I won’t lie, I like boxing,” Moondancer said. “I have a punching bag in my room and I train sometimes, imagining it’s whoever pissed me off.”

“I’ll get you a big photo of Twinkleshine.” Minuette smirked. “Speaking of, Twinkle, if you bothered to read Tangled Roots: The Genealogy of Earth Ponies in Equestria, you’d probably find a lot of earth ponies in Moondancer’s mother’s family tree. Also, what exactly is going on with Twilight?”

“You’ll see,” Lemon Hearts said. She put down the empty beer mug and walked through the crowd. Even though she wasn’t particularly big, she could navigate between ponies with ease. Moondancer, however, had trouble with that. She kept bumping into ponies and almost stepped on some little filly who was just enjoying her milkshake.

“Watch out, shithead,” the filly muttered.

Moondancer almost lit her horn, but then she remembered that changing ponies into milkshakes was probably illegal. She sighed, wondering about kids these days; then, thanks to Cayenne, she started to think about Young Ponies These Days. Lost in those thoughts, she followed her friends towards the small hall. Unlike the rest of the venue, it was dimly-lit and dusty; Moondancer immediately felt her throat itch.

As if it wasn’t enough, someone kept screaming there in a high-pitched voice. Moondancer couldn’t understand a single word – though, to be fair, the constant fight to maintain the flow of oxygen despite narrowing bronchi wasn’t helping her to focus.

Suddenly, she heard Twilight’s voice. “Pinkie, you know that it was Minuette who invited me here…”

“It’s okay, Pinkie.” This voice, raspy and sharp belonged to a mare Moondancer had never seen before. She was big, frowny, and looked like she ate saltpeter and drank molten gold for breakfast. She probably didn’t do that, though – Moondancer had only a rudimentary knowledge of biochemistry, but she was sure such muscles required a much different kind of food.

She lit her horn and pulled Lemon Hearts closer to herself. “Who’s she?” she hissed.

“Don’t you know?” Lemon Hearts asked. “It’s Limestone. Pinkie’s sister.”

Moondancer frowned, looking at Pinkie. Then she looked back at Limestone. Then at Pinkie again. “Okay,” she said. “Which one was adopted?”

“None, apparently,” Lemon Hearts replied. “You should see the other sisters, one day.”

Moondancer shook her head. “There’s more of them? Even if their parents weren’t crazy before, they surely are now.” She looked at Limestone again. The argument between Pinkie and Twilight apparently reached some sort of conclusion; Twilight walked away with Minuette and Twinkleshine while Limestone walked to the locker room with Pinkie.

“What happened?” Moondancer asked.

“Pinkie happened,” Twilight replied.

Moondancer furrowed her eyebrows. “I don’t get it. She can just sit with us, right?”

“Apparently not,” Twinkleshine said. “You know, boxing is serious business and we’re apparently cheering on the wrong pony.”

“We are?” Moondancer looked in the place where Limestone was just a few seconds ago. “Who is she fighting, then? A dragon?”

“Close,” Minuette replied, opening the door to another locker room. It was dimly-lit and, for some reason, littered with empty cookie boxes. There was somepony sitting in the corner, resting their face on their hooves.

“Hello, Berry,” Minuette said, turning on the light. “Ready for the big night?”

“Focusing on it,” Berry muttered in monotone.

Moondancer looked at her. Unlike Limestone, whose muscles were clearly visible under her skin, Berry seemed like someone who recently lost some weight, but still was somewhat chubby. Seen in bright light, her fur didn’t look healthy; Moondancer knew because hers looked the same and her friends kept telling her that.

To her surprise, Moondancer realised that she knew Berry. Her mind raced back to the times when she’d sneak out of her dorm—maybe once a month, unless the exams were close—to see a couple of fights. She remembered that earth pony with quick reflexes and powerful right hook. She didn’t know what happened to her later, but given that the fight was advertised as a comeback, it was easy to guess.

Minuette picked up one of the cookie boxes and looked at it. “You know that the point of getting rid of an addiction is not to replace it with another one?”

“Bugger off,” Berry replied, opening her eyes. “Have you seen Pinchy?”

“She’s at the milkshake stand,” Minuette replied. “Did you really take your daughter to a fight?”

“Why not?” Berry shrugged. “Do you think I’m gonna lose or what?”

“No, but I would say your kid is already, umm… disturbed,” Minuette replied.

Berry waved her hoof. “She’s fine. Besides, I remember when you all were sneaking into the audience back when you were kids.”

“Yes, but we weren’t ten.” Minuette rolled her eyes.

“Speak for yourself,” Twinkleshine said. “I grew up reading about ancient wars between noble families of Unicornia and I’m completely normal, despite all the descriptions of massacres during weddings, impalements, and bloody battles I’ve been exposed to.”

Minuette and Moondancer exchanged glances and shrugged.

Lemon Hearts levitated one of the cookie boxes and ate the last cookie from it before crushing the box with her magic. “We’d better take our seats,” she said. “If Berry wants to focus, we shouldn’t disturb her.”

“Clearly.” Twinkleshine replied. “Minuette, lead the way.”

They walked out of the changing room and walked through excited crowd towards the ring. Moondancer winced. While the air was much less dusty than in the room, it was also way too hot and too crowded for her taste.

Her mood didn’t improve when they found their seats, right around the corner of the ring. She immediately spotted the same filly as before, sitting next to the row of empty chairs. She was drinking another milkshake; when she saw Moondancer, she squinted and turned her gaze away.

“Hello, Pinchy,” Minuette said, sitting next to the filly. “What’s up?”

“Nothing interesting,” the filly replied. “Also, don’t call me Pinchy. I’m not five.”

Minuette shrugged. “Okay, Ruby. Bad day?”

“Take a fucking guess,” Ruby replied, sipping her milkshake with a straw. “I hope mom bashes some skulls in. That’d be interesting to watch.”

“Wise kid.” Twinkleshine patted Ruby’s mane, in spite of the filly making a face like she was about to bite her hoof. “Did you know that ancient pegasi hosted bloody gladiator fights? In the end, the audience would decide whether they wanted the defeated to be spared.”

“That’d definitely make the fights more interesting,” Minuette deadpanned, hopping on her seat.

“Some ponies would think twice before deciding to forfeit in the second round,” Moondancer said.

Lemon Hearts opened her mouth to say something, but her words drowned in loud rock music. The lights flashed; a large spotlight focused on the way to the ring, revealing the huge silhouette of Limestone Pie who marched towards the arena, glaring at the audience. She wore a sickly green robe and protective padding on her front hooves.

The crowd cheered when Limestone entered the ring. She threw her robe to one of her sisters standing in the corner and stretched her hooves.

Purple light flashed next to Moondancer, accompanied by Ruby’s muffled swearing. Twinkleshine clicked her tongue. “Hey, kid, it’s rude to call a princess an inbred whore, even if she just teleported on your head.”

“The princess can suck my–” Ruby coughed when Twinkleshine silenced her with her magic; in spite of that, she thrashed, kicking Twilight off her seat.

“I’m sorry!” Twilight exclaimed, smiling sheepishly, and took a seat next to Lemon Hearts. “I had to calm Pinkie down.” She looked at Limestone, who was walking around the ring like tiger, staring at the audience.

The music suddenly changed to a faster folk tune, heavy on violin and bagpipe. Berry ran towards the arena, hardly staring at the spectators. Only when she joined Limestone, she climbed on the ropes, greeting the crowd.

“The one and only, Berry Punch!” the announcer exclaimed, entering the ring and levitating a microphone. “Also, I’m happy to say that we raised enough money to buy Jinx a new wheelchair!”

Moondancer only now noticed a cream-coloured mare with braided beige mane. She stood near the announcer, her hind legs resting in a wheelchair – or rather, something that looked like a rear part of a wooden cart. “Who is she?” Moondancer whispered.

“She lives in Ponyville,” Lemon Hearts replied, shrugging. “That’s all I know.”

“Mom and auntie Limey wanted to help her since they first became non-drinking buddies,” Ruby muttered.

“That’s a rather blunt way to put it, but generally correct,” Twilight said. “Pinkie brought Limestone to Ponyville to help her, umm… rest.”

“Rest?” Moondancer raised her eyebrows. “Why?”

The pub in Ponyville had seen a lot of strange events. In the hometown of the Element Bearers, it was pretty much inevitable. Ponies from all around Equestria telling tales of their exploits, guests from Saddle Arabia sneaking inside to taste the famous cider only to wake up under the table on the next day without the wallet, the hundred-year-old stallion who climbed out the window and disappeared, Starlight Glimmer’s recent meltdown… And that was just the last year.

It had been destroyed twice; once by Tirek and once by mistake. Each time, it’d been quickly rebuilt – with enough motivation, town drunks could be quite generous.

Berry grabbed the empty glass and put it in the sink. Then she went back to the bar and shook the mare who’d fallen asleep, resting her head against the counter. “That’s enough for you, Jinx. Go back home before you roll off that cart…”

“It’s a wheelchair,” Jinx replied.

“It’s a bastard offspring of two wheelbarrows that fucks up your legs even worse than they already are,” Berry muttered. “Why don’t you buy a better one? At Rainbow Falls Traders Exchange I’ve seen a lad with that fancy new wheelchair. The whole thing weighs much less than this.”

“I can’t afford it.” Jinx sighed.

“You can afford cider,” Berry replied. “I can live without the money you leave here…”

“But then I wouldn’t need a wheelchair,” Jinx said. “Because I wouldn’t go out.”

Berry shook her head. “Right now, you should go home. Or find some other hobby, like chess.”

“I did,” Jinx replied. “It’s very difficult to play sober.”

Berry sighed, grabbed the rag and started to wipe the counter. Jinx turned back, accompanied by the noise of squeaking axles of her wheelchair and left the pub. Looking around, Berry noticed that there were only a few patrons left; it was quite late and the interior was rather dim, illuminated only with candles and kerosene lamps. Only one mare stayed by the counter. Berry was sure she’d seen her before.

“Last call,” she said, ringing the bell hanging from the wall. “Anything else for you?” she asked the mare.

“One more water. Sparkling,” the mare replied. Berry looked at her unsurely. As far as she could tell, the mare consisted mostly of muscles and Berry at first thought she was helping Applejack with apple harvest. Then she remembered that Applejack would rather stuff herself full of bananas than let a stranger touch her apples.

In fact, the mare didn’t look like a seasonal worker. Or like someone who drank water at all.

“Stop staring at me,” the mare muttered. “You’ve never seen somepony ordering water before?”

“Frankly, it’s a bit unusual,” Berry said. “You aren’t from here, are you?”

“Where are live, the pub still has the old Nightmare Moon banners hanging from the walls.” The mare took a sip of water Berry had put in front of her. “And my sister thinks I visit it too often and beat ponies up, so she asked my other sister to take me here for vacation…” She rolled her eyes.

“Hope beating ponies up is not your typical habit.” Berry looked under the counter and grabbed a large stick lying there in case of stick emergencies.

“Not really,” the mare replied. “I only punched a fortune teller. Once. And I ran away from the Sugarcube Corner tonight…”

“Ah, so Cup Cake is you sister?” Berry asked.

The mare smirked, but her eyes remained motionless. “Sometimes I wish it was so.”

“So, your sister is…” Berry shuddered. “Okay, your drinks are on the house tonight.”

“Eh, Pinkie is not that bad.” The mare chuckled, taking a sip of water.

“After meeting Maud, I should’ve known all bets were off.” Berry shook her head. “What’s your name?”

“Limestone,” the mare replied.

“What happened to Jinx anyway?” Moondancer asked, looking at the ring.

Ruby smirked. “No idea, it’s Ponyville. Shit like that just happens. Ursas, bugbears, ancient evils, sudden outbreaks of preventable diseases brought by unvaccinated yaks…” She turned to Moondancer. “Or like uncle Bolo Punch. He ended up in a full body cast for months! And when he finally was able to speak, his first words were, ‘Rainbow Dash can only read aloud’. He still has Daring Do-related nightmares…”

“How can you have nightmares about Daring Do?” Moondancer asked.

“You know, those where she’s all tied up and the temple is full of guards…”

“Those aren’t nightmares,” Moondancer muttered, blushing slightly.

Minuette leaned over to Moondancer. “Watch out, Moonie. Kids don’t have to know about your preferences.”

“Stranger danger?” Ruby asked, looking at Moondancer. “Eh, not my type.”

“Eww…” Moondancer shuddered and looked at the ring. Berry stood in her corner, staring at Limestone.

The bell rang. Limestone darted forward like an attacking griffon; none of her moves were unnecessary. Berry waited for her, taking careful steps towards the centre of the ring. Suddenly, Limestone jumped to her, standing on her hind legs and throwing several quick jabs at Berry who backpedalled, shielding herself with her hoof.

Limestone rushed forward, raising her right hoof. The punch landed on Berry’s cheek, but she didn’t budge. Limestone took a deep breath and started another assault, getting closer to Berry and throwing a quick uppercut.

“I don’t think Berry was prepared for that,” Lemon Hearts said.

“At this point, the best preparation would be buying a coffin,” Twinkleshine muttered.

Berry was still backing off, blocking most of Limestone’s punches, but not doing anything to counterattack. Suddenly, she bobbed her head; Limestone’s hook missed her, causing the greyish mare to lose balance. She didn’t fall, though; a powerful straight punch landed on her jaw, throwing her a few hooves back.

Berry trotted forward. Her jabs were slower and more predictable, but Limestone, dazed after the first hit could only try to defend herself. Still, she had no chance to avoid a cross landing on her ear, making her stagger. She rolled with a few more punches and walked forward, grappling Berry in a clinch.

The referee quickly sent them to their corners and restarted the bout. However, before Berry and Limestone could fight again, the bell rung, ending the round.

“So much for Berry being a tomato can,” Twinkleshine said when Minuette rushed to Berry’s corner to check on her.

Twilight raised her eyebrows. “Excuse me?”

“You know, an old boxer who’s supposed to be an easy win for somepony,” Twinkleshine replied. “Although I must say that Limestone has a good chin. I once drunkenly told Berry she looked fat. That was on Friday.” She shrugged. “I woke up on Sunday.”

“Mostly from drunkenness,” Lemon Hearts said. “She didn’t hit you that hard.”

“Oh yeah, because you totally know how hard she hit me.” Twinkleshine rolled her eyes. “Also, I prefer more sophisticated ways of fighting, myself. Like magic duels.”

Moondancer chuckled. “I’d like to remind you what happened when you challenged me to a magic duel back in school.”

Ruby turned her head towards Moondancer. “What happened?”

“There’s still a Twinkleshine-shaped hole in one of the walls,” Moondancer replied. “Although she didn’t learn her lesson and challenged Twilight to a swordfight.”

“I technically won thas one,” Twinkleshine muttered.

“Only because Twilight got disqualified when she panicked and turned you into a bagpipe,” Minuette said, coming back to her seat.

“For once I could tell ponies to blow me,” Twinkleshine muttered, causing almost everyone to groan. The only exception was Ruby, who burst in laughter, which didn’t stop even after the bell announced the start of the second round.

This time, Limestone kept her distance, circling around Berry and only occasionally charging at her, only to jump back before Berry could counterattack. Berry watched her every move, ready to strike.

The audience booed. Limestone darted forward, but Berry took a step to the side, causing Limestone to run past her. Limestone spun in place, but at the same moment, Berry’s hook landed on the side of her head. She staggered, but didn’t budge, smacking Berry to the face. Berry winced; Limestone saw her chance, unleashing a flurry of punches.

“Fuck her up, mom!” Ruby shouted as Berry backpedalled, trying to defend herself. Limestone, however, slowed down, letting Berry recover.

“What is she doing?” Moondancer whispered.

“That earlier hook must’ve hurt,” Minuette replied as Limestone tried to focus her gaze. Berry apparently saw her chance, standing on her hind legs and charging at Limestone.

Her opponent, however, didn’t feel like giving up. Limestone dodged her and hit Berry’s side, knocking the wind out of her. Berry recoiled, losing balance and falling to the ground. She got up quickly but before she could try to attack Limestone again, the round ended.

“Finish her off or else she’ll tire you out!” Minuette exclaimed when Berry returned to her corner.

“I somehow doubt she’ll manage to do that,” Twinkleshine said. “This Limestone is faster than her and Berry can’t cheat her age.”

“She just needs one good hit,” Moondancer replied. “And she gets an opportunity whenever Limestone is distracted. Which happens a lot.”

“Limestone already got a few hits.” Twilight looked at Berry; the doctor was just taking care of the cuts on her face. “Also, if Pinkie is anything to go by, Limestone may be hard to bring down.”

“I’m not even going to ask for the circumstances in which you had to bring Pinkie Pie down,” Twinkleshine said.

“I’ve heard there were several of them,” Lemon Hearts said.

“Circumstances?”

“No, Pinkies,” Lemon replied. “Wouldn’t be the first time. Remember when we were learning duplication spells. Who tried to duplicate themselves?”

“Lyra.” Twilight shuddered. “Unfortunately, this spell is for inanimate objects only, so we had to deal with a lot of malformed, screaming Lyras.”

“Cool,” Ruby muttered. “Did you kill them all?”

Before Twilight could answer, the third round started. Berry walked to the centre of the ring, waiting for Limestone who, like before, was circling around her carefully.

Suddenly, however, Berry charged forward. Limestone froze for a moment but recovered just in time to block the first blows. The sheer force of the attack threw her at the ropes; she rested against them, parrying the incoming hits.

“Watch out!” Minuette exclaimed. “She’s waiting for you to get tired!”

In spite of that, Berry kept trying to hit Limestone’s head or chest. The counterpunch caught her by surprise; however, it only grazed the side of her face and ear, leaving Limestone open to the attack.

The crowd cheered when Berry’s left hook landed on Limestone’s jaw. She tried to hit Berry, but she swayed to the side, easily avoiding the misaimed jab. Limestone staggered and collapsed on the ring, breathing heavily. The referee stood by her, counting.

“Eh, she didn’t get hit that hard,” Twinkleshine said.

Moondancer, however, shook her head. “Nah, she’s had enough.”

Limestone stood up and flexed her neck, glaring at Berry. The referee nodded and Limestone charged forward.

Her moves didn’t show any trace of the previous knockdown; she immediately landed a few hits on Berry, causing her to retreat to the corner. Berry barely avoided a cross, resting against the ropes, when Limestone managed to reach her with a hook that nearly sent her on the ring.

The bell rang. Berry limped towards her corner and sat on the seat, breathing heavily. Minuette frowned and walked to her. Moondancer saw them both talk about something quickly, waving their hooves.

“Well, I think Berry had enough,” Twinkleshine whispered to Moondancer. “Even if she doesn’t think so, Minuette does.”

“Wait…” Moondancer pointed at the ring. One of Limestone’s sisters just threw a white towel on it. Behind her, Limestone was yelling her another sister, but she could as well yell at the brick wall.

“What’s going on?” Lemon Hearts asked.

“Who cares?!” Ruby exclaimed. “Mom won.”

Minuette came back to them. “Seems the girls forgot that they weren’t supposed to kill each other. Marble was the first who had enough. I was a close second.”

“Meh,” Ruby muttered. “And it was just starting to look interesting…”

“If something happened to Berry, we’d give you to Twinkleshine,” Minuette replied. “Or Moondancer,” she added, seeing Ruby’s smile.

It took a while before Limestone finally calmed down, though she was still arguing with her sisters on the way to the dressing room. Thus, Moondancer was surprised when she and her friends went to see Berry and found her chatting with Limestone.

“No more comebacks,” Berry said. “I nearly coughed my lungs out.”

“My head hurts,” Limestone replied. “But I’d totally win if Marble–”

“Bullshit!” Ruby exclaimed in the most high-pitched voice she could muster, making Limestone squirm.

“Can someone tell this runt to shut up?” Limestone yelled, rubbing her temples. “I think my ears aren’t working properly.”

“Ruby, shut up,” Berry muttered. “Aren’t you a bit past your bedtime or something? We’re going back to the hotel.”

“But moooom!”

Limestone groaned. “Oh, fuck me…”

“Stop swearing,” Berry said, covering Ruby’s ears. “There are kids here.”

Limestone cocked an eyebrow. “Didn’t she–”

“I guess it’s a bit late for teaching Ruby good manners,” Minuette said. “Anyone feels like going to a bar?”

“I feel more like going to a doctor,” Limestone replied. “Also, I started training boxing to stop drinking. I don’t go to bars, you know.”

“Okay.” Minuette turned to Moondancer. “Are you going with me?”

“Dunno,” Moondancer replied. “Cayenne comes tomorrow.”

“Just one drink and we’re going home,” Lemon Hearts said. “It’s been ages since you last went to a pub with us.”

“Okay,” Moondancer replied. “Just one drink.”

Moondancer took a sip of her beer and looked at the pool table. She’d already calculated all the angles, but she still needed to know how much force it’d take for the white ball to stop in the perfect spot to pot the next ball. The equations got a bit complicated; for starters, she didn’t know the exact bounciness of balls and the cushions.

“Do you know what they do to unicorns who play pool in Rockville?” Maud asked. Unlike Pinkie and Limestone, she and Marble decided to tag along with Minuette, Moondancer, and their friends.

“No,” Moondancer replied, grabbing the cue.

Maud turned to her sister. “Marble, what did they do to the last unicorn who enchanted the balls?”

“Hmm…” Marble shrugged.

“That must’ve been painful,” Maud said.

“Billiard balls in Canterlot are already enchanted to prevent cheating,” Moondancer muttered. “Also, will you let me focus?”

“You’ve been lining up that shot for the last twenty minutes,” Twilight said. “Also, I’m afraid the bartender doesn’t know what kind of rubber the cushions were made of.”

“Outrageous.” Moondancer lined up a shot and potted the ball. The white bounced off the cushion and ended up about two inches from the perfect spot.

“I guess that’s a good enough approximation,” Twilight said.

Moondancer took another sip of her beer. “It’d be easier if I didn’t have to do that empirically…”

The second pub was as good as first; that is, most of the customers were only slightly buzzed, the walls were adorned with posters of Wonderbolts and photos of famous ponies who visited this place. To Moondancer’s disappointment, none of them were scientists.

“I don’t get it,” she said. “Why did they kick us out?”

“Ponies don’t like when someone beats everyone at pool,” Twinkleshine said, sipping her drink through a fancy straw. “They prefer someone they have a chance against.”

“Well, it was either pool or dancing,” Moondancer replied. “And I don’t dance.”

“Why?” Twinkleshine asked, looking at the dancefloor. “Even Twilight dances…” She winced. “Although Jinx dances better and that’s despite her hind legs being crap.”

“It’s that new wheelchair,” Lemon Hearts said. She clearly had a few drinks too many; her magic seemed cracking and erratic when she was using it to prop herself in order not to fall off the chair. “She took it for a spin, I guess.”

“I was told my dancing resembles a cow having a seizure,” Moondancer muttered. “Hell, it was my mother who told me that.”

“No offense, but your mother also looks like an old cow’s ass.” Twinkleshine took a sip of her drink.

Lemon Hearts hiccuped. “So, you think there’s some family resemblance?”

Moondancer froze, crushing her glass with her magic.

This pub had a worn-out wooden interior adorned with the photos of buckball teams. The group of Moondancer’s friends dwindled. Minuette and Twilight were allowed to stay in the previous bar and Lemon Hearts probably ended up in the drunk tank after getting blasted across the street with Moondancer’s magic. Moondancer herself was kicked out, along with Twinkleshine, Maud, and Marble – Twinkleshine for her comments and the sisters because the bouncer apparently thought earth ponies in Canterlot could only be revolutionists.

“If they kick us out of here, we can go to that one place with kirins,” Maud said.

“Mhm.” Marble nodded.

“H– have you been there?” Moondancer asked. There was an empty glass of beer in front of her, but Moondancer hoped to replace it with a fresh one soon. She just wanted to drown her guilt after attacking Lemon Hearts. Now, however, she thought kirins could be an even better way to do that.

“I once spent five hundred bits there,” Maud said. “Best spent bits ever.”

Moondancer’s throat went dry. “Five… hundred? I never expected you to choose that option…”

“Well, it was nice to talk about poetry with those five,” Maud replied.

Moondancer furrowed her eyebrows. "Maud you hired five kirin mares to...talk about poetry with?"

"Yes."

"But...that costs as much as a–" Moondancer’s eyes narrowed when she made the calculations.

"Don't question my actions," Maud muttered.

“I’m not going to.” Moondancer shuddered. “In fact, I need another drink.”

Five drinks later, Moondancer managed to forget about Lemon Hearts. In fact, she forgot about quite a lot of things. Most of her vision was blurry; only through sheer force of will she could focus her gaze on Marble.

“Charge Carrier was a cunt,” she slurred, wrapping her arm around Marble. “Or is he still alive? Damn s– shpoilshport, he cal– calculated that we’d need three gigathaum hours…” She hiccuped. “Three gigathaum hours of raw mageeecal energy… Can you imagine that?”

“Mhm,” Marble replied, moving away from Moondancer.

“Now Apple Polish…” Moondancer continued. “She thinks big… She came up with that ritual and it’s all, like theore– theory… Calculated in theory.”

“Hmm!” Marble shook Moondancer’s hoof off her back, almost causing Moondancer to fall off her seat.

“You’d better watch out.” Maud just came back to the table. Despite having as much beer as Moondancer, she still looked pretty much the same as before. “She’s about to carefully remove your glasses, put them on the table, and punch you for assaulting her personal space. And trust me, she’s actually stronger than Limestone.”

“Mhm.” Marble smiled proudly.

“Aww, shit…” Moondancer muttered. “I need to go…”

“Home?” Twinkleshine asked.

Moondancer raised her hoof and spun around. “Little filly’s room…”

After a visit in the stall and spending fifteen minutes washing her face with cold water Moondancer felt she sobered up a bit. She still felt she’d fall asleep if she’d only close her eyes, but at least she felt she could walk now. The feeling turned out to be a bit of an overestimation; she bumped into some middle-aged mare who’d just walked out of the other stall.

“Sorry,” Moondancer muttered, trying to look sober. “Been thinking about the Cold Stone-Apple Polish ritual.”

“Oh, it’s nice ponies still remember that old thing.” The mare smiled. “Even, umm… Those I’d least expect that from.”

“What do you mean?” Moondancer asked, looking at the mare. She could swear she’d seen those striking blue eyes before.

“I am Apple Polish,” the mare replied.

“Holy crap!” Moondancer smiled sheepishly. “I mean… umm… My name’s Moondancer and I was always your biggest fan! Like, I’m writing a paper on your ritual and–”

“Okay, okay,” Apple Polish muttered, backpedalling. “I see this paper must’ve been very stressful…”

Moondancer furrowed her eyebrows. Smalltalk was never her thing; especially not when booze turned her brain into a carousel. “You’d never believe,” she muttered. “My typist is a retard and nopony understands what I’m talking about…” She hugged Apple Polish. “You’re the only one who understands me…”

“Surely,” Apple Polish replied, wincing. “We’ll better get you a taxi…”

The ceiling was blurry and slightly askew. Despite that, Moondancer still recognised it as hers. This was a good sign. She only remembered snippets from the last nights, but this was enough to make her want to die. Well, that and a pounding headache.

She rolled off the couch and landed on all four. It almost ended in falling on the floor, but she recovered and looked around.

There was some pleasant smell in the air. Moondancer sniffed, raising her eyebrows – after last night she expected a puddle of vomit behind the couch, but whoever brought her home was also kind enough to dress her in clean pajamas and let her mane down.

Moondancer found her glasses on the table and put them on. Then, she took a careful step forward, followed by another. Soon, she was heading towards the kitchen, trying not to make noises and not to fall on her face.

To her surprise, she saw a green mare standing in the kitchen, watching the frying pan with scrambled eggs. The smell was enough to make Moondancer’s stomach twist, but she tried her best not to show that – if only because she wanted to know who the mare was before throwing up on her hooves.

“If you want coffee, there’s some in the pot,” the mare said. “I’d give it to you, but I must still be drunk. Anytime I try to walk, I collapse.”

Moondancer looked at the mare’s hind legs and winced. They were almost completely devoid of muscle – just bones wrapped in skin. The fact that she was able to stand on them was a miracle.

Something clicked in Moondancer’s head. The click echoed between her ears, giving her headache a brand new layer of pain. “Jinx, right?” she muttered, clenching her eyes shut. “Weren’t you in a wheelchair?”

“Oh.” Jinx looked at her new wheelchair, parked in the corner of the kitchen. “That’d explain many things…”

Moondancer aimed her horn at the wheelchair and tried to summon it with her magic, but all she achieved were a few pitiful sparks. She groaned and pulled the wheelchair to Jinx, who slid her hind legs in their place with ease.

Meanwhile, Moondancer tried to levitate a coffee pot, with the same results. She had to use her hooves, spilling some coffee as a result, but it was worth it – her body finally got its share of caffeine, bringing some colour into her life.

“What exactly are you doing in my house?” she asked Jinx, who just put scrambled eggs on a plate.

“You invited me, remember?” Jinx shrugged. “Those three mares brought you home and I was just nearby. Didn’t get on a train to Ponyville in time.”

“What three mares?” Moondancer rubbed her temples.

“Twinkleshine, Marble, and Apple Polish,” Jinx replied. “Cool girls, just like Berry and Limestone.”

“Maybe.” Moondancer took a sip of her coffee, but she had no time to enjoy the taste. Before she was able to put the cup back on the table, she heard knocking at the door.

“Great, the Reaper Pony finally came to me...” she muttered, shaking her head, and walked to the door. On her way, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. While her pink pajamas looked fine, sunken eyes and dishevelled mane were giving her the appearance of a zombie.

She opened the door to see Cayenne who, unlike her, was full of energy. She smiled at Moondancer and hopped inside. “What’s up?” she asked. “Citrus Blush got me a dictionary. I’m ready to type whatever you need me to.”

Moondancer’s imagination shook off rust and went into overdrive. She thought of sitting in one room with Cayenne and the typewriter. Each click of the keys slamming against her skull like a pile driver. How many words would she last before her brain would flow out of her ears?

Moondancer felt that it wouldn’t be much. “Could you come tomorrow?” she asked with a sheepish smile. “I’m a bit sick.”

“I see,” Cayenne deadpanned. “What is it?”

“It’s infectious,” Moondancer replied. “Seriously, get out.”

“Okay.” Cayenne smirked. “I think I had it last week, but yeah, you’d better sleep it off.” She turned back and walked away.

Moondancer locked the door and shook her head. “I need much more coffee for that…” she muttered.

Author's Note

Maud and Moondancer's conversation about discussing poetry with five kirin mares provided by Midnight Starfall on Fimfiction Discord server.