How Would You Do Flash Sentry?

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Rating: mature
Tags: Big Macintosh, Shining Armor, Sex, Timber Spruce, Slice of Life, Soarin, Other, Equestria Girls, Comedy
Length: 1746

Just boys talking.

Just boys talking.

Cover art courtesy of Scampy.

Published 2019-01-07 19:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-01-07 19:50:02 UTC

Shoving Sticks Into Soft Warm Things

Spearhead plucked a half-roasted marshmallow off his stick, scarfed it, and squinted his teal eyes into the firelight. "Well... mrrmmfff... first off... mffff..." He gulped and exhaled. "I simply wouldn't."

Four other sets of eyes blinked at the young man from across the crackling campfire in the middle of a rustic forest at night.

"So, that's it, then?" Shining Armor droned, twirling his own marshmallow before the flames. "Discussion's over?"

"I mean... what kind of a question even is that, bro?!" Spearhead scowled from where he sat next to his lifelong military bud. "Is this some sort of lame trap?! Are the feds hiding behind the trees, readying to body-slam me into jail?"

"It's simply hypothetical, Spear," Soarin said.

"Fuck hypothetical!" Spearhead spat. "The dayum kid's... like seventeen or some shit! I ain't touchin' that!"

"No he's not," Timber Spruce said.

Spearhead blinked at him. "Huh?"

"Flash Sentry's twenty-one," Timber explained, lying casually on his chest in the grass with his sneaker'd feet kicked up. He smirked slyly while rotating three whole sticks of marshmallows before the fire. "He's doing his third year in college. Soooooooo—he's all aged up." A corny wink. "Like me!"

"Oh." Spearhead blinked. "Well, in that case, I'd bend his twinky fuckboi body over the hood of his doofy-ass car and jackhammer his buttery ass til his own jizz spurts out his nose!"

"Haha!" Soarin sampled a marshmallow with a drunken grin. "Aaaaaaaand now the night has officially begun."

"Eeyup," Big Macintosh hummed his presence with a nod and a smirk.

"Just like that, eh, Spear?" Shining Armor looked over. "No... slow prep? A romantic dinner date? A night out on the town? Slow dancing? Walking along the park water with your hands held together?"

"Naw, man." Spearhead shook his... head. "That's gay."

"And 'jackhammering' with your spearhead in open public isn't?" Timber droned.

Spearhead swallowed another marshmallow before leaning a hand on his knee and glaring at the youngest male there. "And just how would you do Flash Sentry, ya little ass dribble?"

"Well..." Timber's eyes momentarily rounded as he sighed into the flames. "...ever since Shining's sister and I broke up, I've been a bit rusty in the romance department. But—I would certainly try to make the whole thing special."

"Do go on..." Soarin said, smirking.

Timber twirled his sticks. "Well... I'd let him choose where we would go for a date. And—in my mind, at least—Flash always chooses his home town. So, like, we drive there... and we visit his old childhood haunts... we walk through the parks where he used to play... we visit his passed relatives at the cemetery. He'll get really nostalgic... and he'll talk about all the stuff he longs for and regrets. And he'll get a bit emotional. And I'll hug him close... be there for him, y'know? And after I've dried his tears and made him feel whole-heartedly cherished and respected, we'd drive on over to his house and I'd very gently throat-fuck him until I nutted into his trachea."

"He shoots!" Soarin echoed. "He scores!"

"Heheh... Eeeeeyup!"

"That's gay," Spearhead droned. "You're gay. Everything's gay. The fuckin' sky's gay. That's where rainbows shit from, so of course it's true." He belched. "Also, if you're so romantic, butt lube, why wouldn't you let him cum first?"

Timber blushed slightly. "Did I forget to mention that I'd eat out Flash's boipussy on his parents' bed first?" He touched his fingers together. "Assuming he was on a liquid diet all week before, of course."

Soarin sighed, turning to look at Shining. "Please tell me you have an even better idea in mind—considering you're the one who asked the question to begin with?"

"Isn't that... like..." Timber squirmed. "...a little bit difficult? What—with Cadance's cooch being in the way?"

"Hahahahahah..." Spearhead leaned back, his arms folded behind his head. "Kid, you don't know that girl."

"Eeenope."

"Cadance wants to destroy Flash Sentry," Shining said with a smirk. "But until science can Bible-Black her something to do it with, she's gotta fuck him through me."

"So this is all for Cadance, then?" Soarin asked.

"Well, I do want to make her happy—at all times..." Shining tongued the inside of his mouth as he gazed up at the darkened pines scraping the edge of night. "...but I also kinda want to make Flash happy too."

"Oh here we go," Spearhead rasped.

"No shit. I wanna hear how loudly that boi can scream," Shining said, his grin ever-growing and devilish. "I'm talking about the little fucker uvulating at the top of his lungs while he rides my rimrod to the ceiling! Bed squeaking for percussion—y'know—the Pornhub shit!"

"Not my Pornhub shit," Timber trilled.

"Shutup, taint stain." Spearhead turned towards Shining again. "Go onnnnnnnnnn~."

"That's about it, really. Make him scream. Make him holler." Shining winked. "And feed all of those screams down Cadance's throat. Like... aim the little cock-lover towards my hungry wife's face so she can french him and swallow all those harmonic whimpers and yelps and cries of his while she rubs off her own majesty. Then—after he's cum four times and it's our turn—we'll sandwhich him between our chests and feeeeeeeel his shrieks of pure ecstasy vibrating straight through us as we lick his tears dry and exploddddde." Shining leaned back with a drunken expression. "Mmmmmmmmmmyeahhhhhh..."

"Whoah, bro..." Spearhead covered his eyes, leaning away from Shining. "Save the sticks for the marshmallows, will ya?"

"So you'd share Flash, huh?" Soarin said.

"Well, yeah." Shining squinted over. "Wouldn't you?"

Spearhead smirked. "I bet Spitfire would love one and a half bitches instead of the usual one on a Saturday night."

"Shuddup." Soarin said, then took a contemplative breath. "I'd make it so that he only longed for me and nobody else."

"How? By carpet-bombing every other living creature?"

"Not everyone on this planet wants to fuck Flash Sentry."

"Only the people in this forest."

"Hahahahaha—"

"For reals, though," Soarin spoke. "I'd give him presents and gifts... tokens of affection, y'know? Then I'd act all sexy around him... realllllly throw my goods into his spotlight. And by the time I have him dry-mouthed and squirming, I'd do some of the stuff that Timber suggested... but I would cut it off at the head, y'know?"

"What—you mean a carrot on the stick schtick?"

"Hell yeah!" Soarin grinned. "Make him cry for it! Have him desperately need this nine-inch exclamation point at the end of the neverending sentence... ... ... ... ...! And in the meantime I would be rubbing his shoulders and stroking his cheek and letting him smell my cologne and making him blush and squirm in public. By the time he's ready to scream for me... I would do him slow. Painfully slow. Like... if friggin' Alfonso Cuaron directed a low-budget porno. Wait for the proverbial camera to do a crazy-ass lap around the sun—with Flash howling the entire time—until finally it zooms in on his urethra and fade to white." Soarin victoriously plopped a marshmallow into his mouth and leaned back. "And then we'd cuddle."

"Cuz you're gay," Spearhead said.

"Takes one to know one."

"Dude, you've got it all wrong. During the jackhammering, his fruity car soaks up all the gay."

"You're totally gay," Soarin stuck his tongue out. "I bet you even shower naked, bro."

"Heheheh..." Big Macintosh smirked. "Eeyup."

Timber looked up at the brawniest member of the group. "How would you do Flash Sentry, Big Mac?"

The shy oaf rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. "Mrmmmm..."

"Lemme guess..." Timber sighed through a tired smile. "You'd take Flash out shopping..."

"Mmmmm... eeyup."

"Only to women's department stores..."

"Eeyup."

"And you'd have him pick out the frilliest, fru-fruiest, fwoofiest dress there is."

"Eeeeeyup."

"And then you'd let him have a makeover... and buy perfume... and wear a bow in his hair..."

"Eeeyup."

"And then you'd carry him in your strong arms over a field of flowers, relishing in his giggles as he leans his pretty face into your manly pecs, his tiny girlish breaths tickling your chest hairs as you take him to a cool, shaded spot beneath a tree brimming with blossoms, and then you'd lay out a blanket, feed him strawberries, pinch his cheeks... then lean over to make slow, gentle, adoring love to his bouncy baby-soft ass."

"Mmmmm..." Big Mac stared dreamily up at the stars. "... ... ...eeeeeeeeeeyup."

Crickets.

"Well..." Spearhead was the first to stand up. "Anymore of this talk, and I'd have to rub one out. Let's hit the hay, y'all. The river rapids won't ride themselves tomorrow."

"You make a good point," Soarin said, also standing.

"Nighty night." Timber headed towards his tent. "Don't let the bitch bugs bite."

Big Macintosh waved and headed for his and Soarin's tent.

At last, Shining Armor walked away from the fire. "Don't forget to set your alarms!" he called out. Then, in the same stride, he looked back at the heart of the camp. "Oh, and Flash, before coming to bed, be a good boi and put out the fire, will ya? Don't want to repeat all that shit on the west coast, do we?" A yawn, and he ducked into the tent, leaving the flap open. "Quickly, before it attracts moths."

"... ... ... ... ... ..." A rigid and pale-faced Flash Sentry sat in the same folding chair that he had been glued to that entire time. The marshmallows on the end of his stick had been burnt to charred-black husks, and his knees pressed tightly together like a vice to hide his precious lap from the moonlight.

The flickering atmosphere grew deathly silent as the rest of the men retired for the evening.

Still stiff—Flash reached a shaking hand into his pocket and pulled out an iPhone. The twenty-one year old cleared his voice, then spoke:

"Siri?"

A chiming sound.

"...............Does Uber fly helicopters?"

Author's Note

For a much better story, try this one:

TFlash Colored

Equestria Girls

Slice of Life

Flash Sentry yearns to be as colorful as the Rainbooms.

Flash Sentry

Main 7 (EqG)

MythrilMoth · 7.4k words  ·  35  17 · 312 views

Recursive bullhockey aside, it's a legit cool angle at examining "cross" stuff, and I rather like it.

Except for Applejack. Moth's Applejack sucks.