Leaving a Trail of Misery to All Who Read.
Author's Note
Amazing I thought this up when towing airplanes at work, huh? What's more amazing?
I wrote this up past midnight in less than two hours. Your welcome. Now get back to your own submissions, and learn from my mistakes.
Leaving a Trail of Misery to All Who Read.
In Applejack’s opinion, the Kirin were an odd bunch.
She couldn’t deny that they were nice, helpful, and loved nature as much as any earth pony would, but there was something just inherently off about their attitudes and behaviors.
And no Kirin was a better example of this than her friend, Autumn Blaze.
It was that time of year in Ponyville for the Iron Hoof competition. As the years have gone by, it went from a friendly competition between friends, to townsfolk, and now branched out all over.
No pony complained about this, of course. It brought in tourists (not that Twilight’s castle didn’t already) and helped boost the town’s economy. Ponies came from all parts of Equestria just to be part of this small town fair, and test their strength and skills. The recently rediscovered Kirin were not left out, either.
So when Autumn Blaze showed up one morning to “turn in on her offer”, which Applejack needed to be reminded about.
“You invited me to come visit any time!”
Oh, right. She did say those words, didn’t she? And now she had a pony who could burst into flames at any given mood swing, in their all wood home, surrounded by apple trees.
Her only blessing was that they were out of the spring estrus rush.
Other than simply wishing to visit her “first pony friend”, Autumn apparently had an ulterior motive.
“I’d heard about your Iron Pony competition thingie from that creepy train station pony!”
“Wow, I didn’t think that kinda news reached out that far.”
“I know, right? But anyway, I wanna compete!”
This left Applejack stunned, which turned into concern, and lastly all-out worry over the fact that if Autumn did not win anything, there might be one less wood building on Applejack’s property.
“Well, what do ya have in mind? We got all kinds of sporting events.”
Unless her team lost.
“Or, uh… there’s time trials, such as runnin’ and buckin’ apple trees.”
Unless her cloven hooves prove to be a disadvantage, or can’t handle the trees.
“Or what about-”
“Oh no, Applejack! I already know what I wanna do.”
Applejack blinked. “Ya do?”
“Of course! Remember, I was shunned away from my peers for countless decades.”
“Yeah, you never did exactly explain to me how old ya are-”
“We’re all forty-five. Anyway, so I had lots of time to hone in my skills at all kinds of activities, but one thing quickly became my favorite.”
“And what’s that?”
“Gymnastics!”
Applejack’s face went stoic. “Gymnastics? Really?”
“I know, right? You’d think having this dragon-like hide on our backs would hinder our flexibility, but you’d only be marginally correct! We had to have these hard scales because when our males would mount they’d-”
“Okay, that’s enough! Fine, gymnastics, okay, we got all kinds of those events planned. Whatcha lookin’ ta do? We got rhythmic, aerobic…”
“Free style!”
Blinking, Applejack tilted her head. “Come again?”
“I could never conform,” she did air quotes with her cloven hooves, “to standard practices of what the major media saw as mainstream or correct.” Again, the air quotes.
“What?”
“So I made up my own routine! I just need to borrow a couple pieces of equipment so that I can warm up. When is the actual event?”
“Well…” Applejack removed her hat, drawing out a scroll listing all the activities and planned times, courtesy of one Princess Twilight Sparkle.
“Looks like tomorrow is all the gymnastic type events, so I’d say sometime after lunch tomorrow.”
“Great! You’re the best, Applejack!” Autumn hugged the mare, which Applejack returned, and the kirin went bouncing off to do her practice work.
“If I didn’t know any better, awe, no sense in jinxin’ it now.”
So off she went to finish setting up for tomorrow's events.
The next day’s air was full of excitement and glee as ponies from all over sat in hastily constructed bleachers, eating and drinking over priced Apple Family products. Several ponies were getting ready for their routines, and as Applejack walked away from the bleachers with an empty serving tray, she saw Autumn bouncing from left hooves to right.
“Got the jitters, do ya?”
Autumn jumped, but seeing Applejack she let out a sigh. “Oh, yeah, just nervous is all. We’ve never performed in front of an audi- no wait, we’ve never performed in front of a living audience before.”
Applejack blinked. “Living audience?” Then another thought. “We?”
“Yeah, remember all those crazy things I had with smiley faces on them? They weren’t really there and all that, but still after so much time alone you found yourself just making up conversations! It was a special time for me… I wish I knew how to write so I could have made memoirs.”
“Okay, I get that, but what did ya mean we?”
“Oh, pfft.” Autumn slapped her forehead, and her horn lit up.
Forced into Applejack’s face was a small twig, one leaf having a crude smiley face drawn on it, although sporting some heavily filled in black marker to make thick eyebrows.
“This is Figgy! He’s a fig tree branch! He’s been performing with me since the beginning, and well, we’re inseparable!” Autumn bounced around in excitement.
She lifted her front left leg, and stuck the twig into her cloven hoof. Then, she leaned forward, pressing her cheek to Applejack’s. “He’s got the serious eyebrows because this is a serious competition. He doesn’t take these kind of things lightly.”
Applejack nodded her head, and Autumn pulled back, returning to her now lopsided jumping.
“Are ya sure yer not related to Pinkie Pie?”
“No! But I’d love to meet a pie! The last one was eaten before I could finish his big, happy smile!”
“Uhuh, right. Okay, well do you know when you… two are up?”
“Oh yes! We’re near the end, but I want to watch all the others perform so I know if I’m about to burst my metaphorical bubble of hope and be ultimately crushed.” Suddenly, Autumn’s mane began to sizzle, blue flames trailing the edges. “That would be most… unfortunate.”
With a puff of smoke, her mane was back to normal and Autumn was once again giddy, bouncing in place.
“Riiiight, okay, well I got some more ponies to serve. I’ll keep an eye out for ya, so I can sit and cheer for ya!”
“Oh I’d love that Applejack! I’d also love an apple, Jack! Get it? He he he!”
Applejack groaned. “Sure, I’ll bring ya one. Anything for…”
“Oh no, Figgy needs to watch his figure.”
“Of course he does.”
“Ooooooh, I’m just so excited! I’ve always wanted a live crowd to watch us perform, and not have a total meltdown and accidently burn half the forest, again, when it goes bad. That would be super awkward with all these flammable materials around your farm.” She laughed some more.
“Right, okay, well I’ll be back with yer apple. I’ll tell the girls you’re gonna be performin’ today, maybe they’ll get breaks to come and watch.”
“Oh that would be delightful! I’d love to see Fluttershe again.”
“Shy.”
“Fluttersheshy!”
Applejack opened her mouth to correct, but thought better of it, turning and walking away.
After she informed her friends of Autumn’s time slot, but before she brought Autumn her apple, she needed to have some words with the judges.
The time was nearly upon Autumn Blaze as Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity all took a seat in the benches, munching on a caramel apple for each.
“Shame the others couldn’t make it.” Rarity licked at the still warm caramel.
“Yeah, but Fluttershy did need somepony cheering her on for the Calming Butterfly Bath routine.” Rainbow took a big bite of her apple, and continued with her mouth half full. “Apparently Pinkie is gonna be a challenging contender.”
“Rainbow, please, watch your manners! You’re spitting apple and caramel all over!”
Rainbow swallowed. “Sorry.”
Applejack chuckled, but at the sound of a whistle, she tapped her friends on their shoulders. “Oh hey, I think it’s Autumn’s turn!”
She was correct. Autumn, now sporting a one piece white and green gym suit (hopefully flame retardant), stood before the judges as she was introduced. The announcer talking over anything possibly heard between the judges and Autumn.
“We’ve got a very special pony for you all today. Once thought to be a fabled race, this Kirin is ten kinds of fun and five kinds of attitude, so let’s hear it up for some freestyle artistic gymnastics from the one, the only, Autumn ‘Blaze It’! What?” There was some mumbling. “Oh, and her partner… Figgy?”
Everypony stood, clopping hooves onto the bleachers with a roar of cheers. Autumn bowed, and holding out her left hoof, made it bend in a bowing motion as well.
“Is that a stick?” Rainbow asked.
“Yeah, that’s her partner… Figgy.”
“Well, this should be quite a treat then.” Rarity took another dainty bite of her apple.
Up to this point, Applejack had only caught glimpses and bits of other gymnastic ponies performances. So far, a majority of them had been good. Real good, considering the amount of applause they would get, with only the rare stillness to greet some after a performance.
Considering that she got a standing ovation before her act, Applejack could only pray to the Big Apple that Autumn did well enough that the judges would look deep into their hearts and take her threats seriously.
Otherwise, they’d drop both her and Autumn like the next season’s apples.
“Oh my, what is she doing?”
Rarity’s voice brought Applejack back to the present, where staff ponies were being ushered to remove almost all the equipment save for a hoop and trampoline.
“How the hay is she gonna freestyle with only two pieces of equipment?” Rainbow asked.
“I dunno, sugarcube.”
Stepping up to the trampoline, Autumn did one last bow, and jumped. She did a few bounces to get some height. As she got higher and higher, she began doing spins, cartwheels, and all other manner of stunts up in the air. Before long, a second trampoline was brought in, on the other side of the hoop, and she began bouncing between them. First over the hoop, then through the hoop. At one point, she did a backflip, landed on one trampoline, and suddenly burst into flames, igniting the hoop as she passed through.
Ponies, including Applejack herself, all gasped as Autumn extinguished herself before landing on the other trampoline, and began once again hoping between the two, through a now burning hoop. Suddenly, she’d let go of Figgy, the stick bouncing a couple of times with her. Autumn gave the small stick a kick, and it went straight through the hoop without catching fire, and landed on the other trampoline with barely a hop.
Autumn went through again, and they repeated this action between trampolines, with the kirin doing all kinds of different shows while juggling Figgy between herself and the other trampoline, all without catching it on fire.
After what felt like a solid hour, her seven minute bell went off, and Autumn slowed her bouncing, and as she dropped lower she gracefully rolled and landed on the ground, holding up Figgy in her hoof once more. The bleachers were dead silent.
For about five seconds.
Everypony stood, shouting, tossing hats and little flags, cheering only one thing:
“BLAZE IT! BLAZE IT!”
Applejack, as well as her friends, could not help but join in on the cheering. If those judges had any sense in their heads, Applejack’s idle threats should have been rightfully forgotten, because this mare, this kirin, damn well earned first place.
“Wow, that was so awesome! I didn’t know they could just burst into flames like that!”
“I must find out who made her suit. I was so worried it would tear, and then it didn’t burn up! Must be an amazing pony to make such a fine piece of clothing.”
Applejack simply nodded, having no words to add that had not already been repeated multiple times by everypony around.
By the time the audience had calmed down, there was to be one more pony performing, but last second had backed out because, well really, who could top that performance?
“Well everypony, I think the judges have come to a consensus.” The announcer said, getting everypony riled up once more. “Judges, would you please give me your verdict.”
A orange earth pony with white mane and tail stepped up to the announcer, giving him a slip of paper as he walked back, his running cake cutie mark on display for no pony to care about because everypony was holding their breath as they watched the announcer in suspense.
“Well, everypony, it should come as no shocker to you, but the winner of the 6th annual Iron Pony Gymnastics competition is none other than Autumn Blaze It and her partner in hoof, Figgy! With their Super Trampoline Fighoof Extravaganza!”
