The Fault In Our Tender Hearts
It wasn't working out.
Despite what storybooks say, not every relationship lasts. First loves even less so. Sunset remembered reading a fluff article somewhere that seventy percent of couples broke up by the end of the first year, and that wasn't too surprising.
She just never thought it would be her.
It had been her friends' fault - at least indirectly. Twilight's thing with Timber Spruce had been largely ignored by the group, but when Rarity and Applejack announced they were officially together? It had touched off a spark amongst the other Rainbooms to find love. So in a way, this was Rarity's fault for beginning all of the drama.
Pinkie Pie hadn't hooked up yet, but it wasn't for lack of making herself available. The problem was that she'd declared that none would have her unless they'd beaten her in party battle. And while several had tried, none had yet succeeded. The attempts seemed to satisfy Pinkie for now, at least.
Rainbow Dash, meanwhile, had the opposite problem and was running out of Wondercolts. That wasn't as bad as it sounded at first. Yes there were rumors and snide comments as the cyan terror had worked her way through Canterlot High's various sports teams, but the problem wasn't Dash. It was everyone else. Keeping up with the awesome of Rainbow Dash was almost as taxing as being Rainbow Dash, and so far no one had managed to match her energy, drive and pig-headedness. The Element of Loyalty hadn't given up on any of the relationships - they'd given up on her. The girls tried their best to be encouraging, but they all knew it was wearing Dash down.
Then there was Fluttershy. Sweet, quiet, loving Fluttershy - and Sunset Shimmer. That the two had ended up together was curious, but they'd clicked. (Princess Twilight had theorized that there was something about Fluttershies and reformed villains that just worked. Sunset had dumped a glass of iced tea over the Princess' head for that.)
At least until they hadn't anymore.
Everything had at least seemed fine - they still had quiet meals together, still went to the movies, still talked and smiled and laughed. Sunset had thought everything was going well. They had settled into the normal day-to-day part of the relationship and just being comfortable with each other.
Right up until Applejack overdid it one day with the super-strength.
This was Applejack's fault. The results weren't what she intended, Sunset knew that. But Big Mac had gotten himself injured and the farm work had piled up and-- well, the temptation to abuse her geode to pick up the slack had been too much for the farmgirl. And as had happened before, the over-use caused the other geodes to get supercharged. For most of the Rainbooms, it was mildly inconvenient.
Sunset found it went wrong in the worst way. The first surge happened while she and Fluttershy were having a silent cuddle-slash-nap on the couch. Fluttershy was asleep, having drifted off in the quiet. Sunset hadn't been far behind when the magical spike hit.
~~~~FLASH~~~~
Steam rose over the rim of the coffee cup, into the cool autumn air. Fluttershy sighed a little, not quite able to make eye contact. She bit her lower lip, holding the words back. If she didn't say them, maybe they weren't real.
Across the table, pale green hands turned their teacup slowly. She didn't want to speak either - that would deny Fluttershy the catharsis of it.
Minutes passed.
Finally, Wallflower made the first push. Reluctantly but firmly. "Do you love her?"
The air froze. Fluttershy closed her eyes. She needed to have courage. Even so, her voice was barely over a squeaked whisper. "No."
~~~~FLASH~~~~
Sunset broke out of the momentary fugue, eyes wide with confusion and terror. Thoughts tumbled over one another in her head, jockeying for the right of being the first one she had.
She hadn't meant to do that, was the winner. In another circumstance, Sunset would have been proud that her first reaction was to feel bad for accidentally reading Fluttershy's memories. It was an undeniable sign that she had changed since the infamous Fall Formal.
The second reaction was to look at Fluttershy. Relief briefly washed by - the young girl was still asleep in Sunset's arms. She hadn't noticed the intrusion.
Which left Sunset frozen. She should apologize. Confess and apologize and beg forgiveness immediately. Even though it was an accident, reading her girlfriend's mind without permission was wrong. A gross violation of privacy. Even if it raised questions about how their relationship was going. Questions that would never get answered otherwise. No matter how tempting it was, Sunset needed to just pull away until the power spike passed, then beg forgiveness as soon as Fluttershy woke up.
Sunset took a deep breath and let the geode's power overtake her again. She was already going to apologize, so there wasn't any harm in satisfying her curiosity, right?
~~~~FLASH~~~~
They had walked down the small trail to this point in near silence. Wallflower's garden - technically the school's but only technically - was barely out of sight through the trees. The little trail was marked only by a few flags for the moment. Come spring it would be the start of a nature walk, but for now it was a barely-trod line in the woods.
The ruddy leaves said it was October, maybe early November. Fluttershy's eyes were watching a squirrel that bounded from branch to branch, trying to find the perfect secret bolthole to store winter food. Beside her, Wallflower fixed one of the marker flags that had fallen.
That tiny job done, the gardener stood again. She finally broke the quiet they both enjoyed. "You were saying?"
"Oh. Um." Fluttershy pushed back her hair so she could get both eyes on her confidante. "That Sunset and I had a wonderful dinner last night."
Wallflower nodded, mutely suggesting that the pale yellow girl continue. Her expression was staunchly neutral, however. She was holding something back.
Still Fluttershy pressed on, focusing on the pleasant memory of the evening before. "I made something from our second date - a leek and mushroom risotto. Then we had to work on homework for Ms. Hibiscus' class." A brief frown passed over Fluttershy's lips. "Neither of us really wanted to, but since it was due today we didn't have a choice." A slight blush touched her cheeks. "I understood it all just fine, but Sunset liked helping me. It makes her feel smart."
There was no missing Wallflower's eye-roll at that. It was only a momentary break in her tight neutrality, however.
"After that we watched a movie and fell asleep," Fluttershy summarized quickly.
That wasn't quite enough, however. Wallflower pressed a little more. "What movie was it?"
Fluttershy didn't respond immediately. Instead she picked up a fallen leaf from the path - deep red and gold, much like the girl on her mind. "Oh, I don't remember." She dismissed it casually. "I don't really like suspense sorts, but Sunset really wanted to see it."
Silence, for a moment. "So did you do anything on your date that YOU liked?" Wallflower's words were pointed by their nature, despite her attempt to hold back.
Fluttershy didn't say anything. She just looked at the leaf and let her hair fall over her face again.
~~~~FLASH~~~~
"So that's the last of the basketball team," Rainbow groused as she tossed her phone onto the bed. A moment later she joined it, flopping out with a deep sigh. "Guess I've gotta branch out now. The chess club was pretty cool when they let me get in on their yearbook photo."
Reaching over, Fluttershy gave her oldest friend a gentle pat on the leg. "I'm sorry, Rainbow. I'm sure you'll find that special someone soon."
The cyan girl let out an overdramatic sigh that rivaled one of Rarity's. "I just want somebody who can appreciate my awesomeness and is cool to be with. But I guess not all of us can be as lucky as you and Sunset, Flutters."
On the floor, Fluttershy squirmed uneasily. Could she? Maybe if she was careful about it, like a test run. "I, um. I don't know if I'd say that, Dashie."
"You two are, though!" Dash's frustration almost turned her words into whining. "I'm jealous! You're both, like, super into each other and work great together and make each other happy!"
Fluttershy took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She could do this. She COULD do this. "I wouldn't say that..."
Instantly, Rainbow was up. Her eyes were on her best friend now, lips drawn tightly. "What happened? Did she do something to you?" A shiver ran down Fluttershy's spine when she saw the fury in Dash's eyes. "Flutters, what did Sunset do?"
She couldn't do this. Cowed, Fluttershy shrank back with a shake of her head. "N--no, Dash. Really! She--she didn't do anything!" Her mind swam, grasping for a way to defuse this. "It's just that-- I've just been kind of down lately. There's a lot on my mind." She summoned up the spirit of Tank, pulling her head down into her sweatshirt for shelter.
~~~~FLASH~~~~
"Sunset told me a story a while ago that I thought was really interesting," Fluttershy noted as she twirled the pasta with her fork. "I think we all forget sometimes that she's a horse from a magic alien dimension. Then she talks about Equestria and for a moment she's just so surreal."
She paused to take a bite of her meal before continuing. "Um, yes. The story. In Equestria, emotions mean a lot more. Sunset was telling me about how ponies that are sad or socially isolated actually physically change. They lose their colors and, um, go greyscale. Other emotions can cause changes too, but isn't it fascinating? Not having happiness actually makes ponies ill."
A very frustrated Wallflower half-glared at Fluttershy. "I asked if -you- were happy."
~~~~FLASH~~~~
Surfacing again made Sunset gasp for air. Going that deep was always a strain.
Now she knew, though. She had her answer.
Now what.
Now eased into later - two weeks, in fact. Fluttershy had started to suspect something after Sunset avoided her for a week. In the second, she had retreated inwards. Sunset had planned to bring it up and talk to her before things got so bad, but Dash - this was all Rainbow Dash's fault - had turned overprotective when her childhood friend had pulled away. That hadn't allowed many chances to talk.
Not that talking would have helped much. Sunset had been staying away from Fluttershy to try and figure out what to say. The words hadn't come.
Did they really not have any chemistry? Was Fluttershy staying with her just so that Sunset would stay happy?
Could she fix this? And even if she could, how could she do it without admitting to the mind-reading - which would destroy any chance of repairing their relationship.
Silence reigned in Sunset's studio apartment. Not the kind she had enjoyed on quiet evenings with Fluttershy, but a silence not far from that of a graveyard's. Just the occasional car passing distantly outside and muffled by thick blackout curtains.
After two weeks, Sunset had finally come to the decision that she would have to talk to Fluttershy. Painful as it might be, awkward as it might be, she had to. Maybe it would end the relationship - the friendship. Maybe more than just their friendship, depending on how bad things went. But it had to be done.
Right as soon as she got out of the apartment and found her (ex?) girlfriend.
It wasn't that Sunset hadn't seen Fluttershy - she'd kept an eye on the quiet girl from a distance. Plenty enough to see that when Rainbow Dash wasn't guarding Fluttershy, she was with Wallflower Blush. The quiet gardener was the quiet animal lover's constant confidant. There was no overhearing them talk, but there was also no mistaking that they were. Sunset was pretty sure she knew the subject of those talks - enough to know this was all Wallflower's fault.
Sunset Shimmer, once-terror of CHS and grand master manipulator... had chickened out. Several times. Because of a girl that had more plants than social contacts.
She spun the pen in her fingers, trying to work off some excess energy. Sunset had been painting to try and get it out of her system, but the art had been a bit too... demonic for her comfort. That was her own fault, really.
All of it was her fault, in the end. Sunset knew that. If she hadn't given in to the temptation of the geode, she wouldn't have known about the problems. And if she had been more aware of things, they wouldn't be in the situation in the first place. And if she just had the courage to confront the problem this would have been resolved weeks ago. AND if Fluttershy had just said something instead of being silent...
Yes, this was all Fluttershy's fau--
No. It wasn't.
Sunset felt her soul whiplash back. This wasn't Fluttershy's fault. She hadn't done anything except try to make her girlfriend - her friend - happy. This.... this wasn't anybody's fault.
The pen was discarded with a deep sigh. And Sunset picked up her phone to send a text.
Can we meet for dinner? We need to talk.
Author's Note
This was originally intended to be my entry for Oroboro's Sunset Shipping Contest: Endings. However, I just wasn't happy with it. 2000+ words that were almost entirely a single character's internal monologue was unsatisfying.
Four rewrites later, I just wasn't able to get something I was happy with and I opted to ditch the story. I've put it up here just to get it off my desk. The elevator pitch is good, but I was just never able to find a good implementation.
Ah well, such is writing.
