Sunset Shimmer Breaks Up With Everyone

by KitsuneRisu

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance, Sunset Shimmer, Princess Celestia
Length: 8398

Sunset Shimmer breaks up with everyone. It's not hard.

Listen. You've read the title. You've read the short description, and now you're reading the long one. It's not THAT HARD. Sunset Shimmer Breaks Up With Everyonetm. Okay? In this story, Sunset Shimmer, the Pony, breaks up with everyone. Because that's the thing you need to have in this entry for this contest. That's right, this is for a contest. Alright? Okay? Yeah. I'm writing it like 2 days before the deadline because who gives a toss. I'm not gonna win. Are you? Maybe you are! Maybe you, the potential winner of this contest, is reading this right now going 'hahah this ass, he's never gonna win', and you know what, you'd be right.

But before this story gets rejected because I didn't add the story summary in the description, let me repeat what happens in this damn story:

Sunset Shimmer breaks up with everyone.

Published 2019-09-15 21:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-09-15 21:20:01 UTC

Everyone

Sunset Shimmer Breaks Up With Everyone

“Okay. Is everybody here?” Sunset Shimmer asked, her hair aglow with the fury of a thousand microwaved oranges. A frothy anger foamed in her chest, driven partially by her desire to end everything once and for all. “The ones who could make it, at least?”

Of course, the rest of her anger was fueled by a combination of more basic drives, like hunger, or the ability to hold one’s bladder.

It all came together to make her quite irate.

She stood, as was the best place for this sort of thing, in the middle of an abandoned factory that had all its parts stripped out — just like how Sunset’s heart was forcibly wrenched from her inner workings, cast into a large dumpster, pooped on by various wildlife, and left to rust and decay for years before being stripped down, refurbished, and then finally used as spare parts for a conveyor belt in some other factory that carried around small tins of beans.

Sunset wrinkled her nose, sniffing. That was how she felt, damnit.

“So, thanks for coming.” She coughed, the noise echoing around the cavern. One by one, she looked at the seven ponies standing in front of her.

Hooves scuffed the floor. Eyes met eyes and throats were cleared.

Sunset stared on, tapping her hoof impatiently. “Yes. Yes?”

“Uh…” Applejack was the first to speak. “Ya know you gotta tell us what we’re here for first, right?”

Her eyes shot to the side toward Fluttershy and Rainbow, who were standing idly by.

“Um… yes,” Rarity added, tilting her head, her hair bobbing up and down like the waves on a lake. “Why are we here, my dear? And why did you ask me to bring my sister along?”

Sweetie Belle blinked. She had no idea what was happening.

Another voice spoke up. “Do I even know you?” Maud said.

Sunset turned to her and jerked her head back, staring down the length of her nose. “Wow. Your eyes don’t open all the way here either, do they?”

“No,” Maud responded. “They only open as much as I need them to.”

“Well, okay th—”

“To see rocks with.” Maud added.

Sunset licked her lips. “Ok—”

“Rocks don’t need that much perception.” Maud clarified. She blinked. Once. It took about three seconds for the act to complete.

“Well… okay,” Sunset said slowly, testing the waters. “I’m sure there’s a good reason why you’re here considering I didn’t invite you.”

“Yes. You invited Pinkie.” Maud explained.

Sunset fidgeted. “And—”

“Pinkie couldn’t make it.”

“Right. So she sent you instead. Her sister. Maud.” Sunset frowned to herself.

“So. You do know me.”

“Well, I guess I know… a ‘you’?” Sunset rubbed her nose. “So I guess that means I know all of you here in this room. Even though you might not have met me before. I mean, long story short, I used to be here and then I went through a magic mirror into a world where everyone’s a weird wiggly type thing called a human and then, you know, I was kind of evil and I turned into a monster and then now we all sing songs all day and you know what it doesn’t really matter, alright?”

Sunset sucked in a big, frustrated breath of stale, musty air.

Maud blinked again. It was slightly faster at 2.83 seconds this time, showing how excited she was. “Okay.”

“Sis, I wanna go home.” Sweetie tugged at her sister’s tail.

“Yes, we all do,” Rarity whispered back.

“So could we kinda, you know, get on with it?” Rainbow rolled her hoof in the air. “What are we here for?”

Sunset squared her jaw. She could feel her heart pick up the pace all of a sudden, and a strange chill ran through her spine. Hiding behind her frustration was still a kernel of apprehension. A tiny little dull ember of maybe I’m doing the wrong thing.

She chewed her lower lip, looked around from face to face, and then nodded when she finally made her choice.

“I need to break up with you,” she told the group. “All of you.”

Seven sets of eyes blinked simultaneously.

“Yes? Okay?” Sunset went on, awaiting a positive reply.

“Why us?” Applejack, the most sensible of the group, questioned.

It was a fine question. It was a logical question. It was a question that should have had very definite and very concrete answer.

“Uh… I dunno. I mean, you know,” Sunset waffled. “You guys knew I was going to, right? So, heh heh, I might as well, you know.”

She waved her hoof uncommitedly at the group.

All at once, the voices rose at the same time.

“Did she tell you about this?” Dash turned to Fluttershy, who shook her head back, lips pursed wryly.

“This is awkward,” Applejack said, cocking her head to the rear. “I mean, ya know. Considering.”

“What’s going on?” Sweetie Belle shrieked.

A soft voice coughed, which brought the murmuring to zero in an instant.

“I… ah… thought this was an emergency,” Princess Celestia said. “You certainly said as much in your letter.”

“Principal! Princess! Old teacher!” Sunset buttered, giving the princess her best most pitiable smile. “I’ve learned from my mistakes, I’m sure you know! As I’ve said many times! And I really do want to learn and improve myself. So tell me, would you begrudge me a lesson?”

Celestia quirked an eyebrow. “You know, everyone says that and—”

“Yes, but it works, doesn’t it?” Sunset batted her eyelids for extra persuasion.

The princess sighed. She stared up into the corner of the warehouse, as though the answers to all her life’s problems lay in the cobwebs. “Yes, I suppose—”

“Good! Then it’s settled. Okay, I’m breaking up with all of you. Every single last one of you.”

“But we’re not together,” Fluttershy pointed out.

“We are tonight!” Sunset declared, slamming her hoof down. “So get prepped, okay? Here’s your motivation! You are in love with me, the amazing, wonderful, talented, misunderstood and ex-villain Sunset Shimmer! Also I play guitar and that makes me, let’s admit it, pretty cool.”

Rainbow shrugged and nodded. She couldn’t deny the facts.

“It’s gonna crush the poopypants out of you but I’m going to break up with you one by one, okay? And you have to react accordingly!”

“You know,” Applejack said, frowning. “You don’t have ta do it like this. You know that, right?”

“Don’t I?” Sunset narrowed her eyes. “Don’t I?”

“No. You don’t.” Applejack shoot her head.

“Okay! Listen!” Sunset continued anyway. “I’m gonna be in there.”

There was a small office at the back of the warehouse, windows covered with old newspaper and dust hanging off the doorknob like silk draped around the shoulders of a cold, Canterlotian elite.

“One by one, you all enter, okay? Don’t even tell me your order! Let’s, you know!” Sunset shrugged, her voice turning manic as she walked backward. “Make it a surprise! That way I can really learn!”

She slammed herself in. She was gone before anyone else could say another word.

That left seven ponies on a cold warehouse floor glancing awkwardly at each other.

Applejack scuffed her hoof on the floor. “So uh… should we just go home?”

Fluttershy sighed. “I’ll help her.”

“Huh,” Applejack said.

“She needs our help. And sometimes, ponies have different ways of doing different things. Just like killer wasps. They sting you because they love you,” Fluttershy explained.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Applejack grumbled. “About her, I mean. Y’all can shove off with them killer wasps, frankly.”

“Rude!” Fluttershy gasped.

“I still don’t know what’s going on,” Sweetie cut in. “And no one will tell me anything.”

“Uh… listen,” Rarity stroked her sister’s head. “You don’t have to go in there if you don’t want to, okay? But Fluttershy is right. The rest of us should, at least.”

A dry, dry voice swept across the plains like a soldering heat. “I don’t know. I think it would be a good learning experience for the child,” Maud said. “After all, one day she’s going to have to grow up and learn about the horrible, burning pain of knowing that no one loves you for who you are and that he was only ever after your rocks all along.”

“What?” Sweetie squeaked. “My rocks?”

“Yes. Never show a stallion your rocks on the first date.” Maud told the filly.

“Ahem!” Rarity coughed. “Now, I think I know what’s best for my sister, and…”

“So, you would deny her the learning experiences of an adult?” Maud said.

“Well… no… but…” Rarity stammered.

“Rarity sis?” Sweetie’s brow fell back. “Are you denying me the thing of to be an adult?”

“That…” Rarity held up a hoof. “No, but…”

“Then, it is settled.” Maud pointed a leg straight at Sweetie. “Go forth and learn the misery of adulthood. It will make you tough and strong.”

“I wanna be tough and strong!” Sweetie cheered.

“Like a rock,” Maud said.

“I wanna be a rock!” Sweetie cheered more.

“Oh goodness,” Rarity muttered.

“Eh, just let her do it if she wants ta.” Applejack slid alongside Rarity. “Not like Sunset really could do much harm, I guess. And, you know what, us Apples do believe that sometimes ya gotta be thrown in the deep end. And that’s how I learned that mayonnaise ain’t a good lubricant.”

“P-pardon me?” Rarity said. “But… Sweetie…”

“You know what?” Applejack tapped the side of her head. “You should go first, then!”

“Me?” Rarity squeaked.

“Sure! Then that way, you can see what Sunset’s up ta! And if it’s too weird or somethin’, you can pull her out!”

“W-well! I suppose. That does sound like a good idea, but…”

“We’re in accord, then!” Applejack nodded, turning to the rest of the room. “Hey, Rarity’s gonna go first, okay?”

“No, w-wait!” Rarity chuckled nervously. “I-I haven’t gotten into character yet, and I…”

“Don’t worry! You’ll be fine!” Applejack smiled, pushing her across the room.

“Sis! You can do it!” Sweetie Belle called from behind. “I believe in you!”

With a little more quarrel, Rarity was finally shoved through the doorway, the door slamming shut behind her with a resounding thud.

Applejack dusted off her hooves, giving herself a slight smile for her good work.

The others sat there mostly silently, thinking about the situation, Sweetie Belle running around rapidly, already distracted from the happenings.

From pony to pony she went, staring up at their big faces. It was hard for her to read what sort of expressions they carried. Besides Maud, who always looked like she ate too many root vegetables, the others sorta looked nervous to her, but nervous in the way where you’re scared for someone else, not for yourself. But she brushed it off as she ran on, only one thing on her mind. Her sister went first, and would tell her all about what happened with the nice lady.

She skidded to a stop in front of the last pony she ran to.

Her expression was slightly different from the others’.

Her expression looked like she was floating on the ocean in the middle of nowhere with nothing but seawater and manky kelp juice to drink.

“Miss Auntie Princess?” Sweetie said. “Hi!”

“Hello child,” Celestia responded, eyes dilating. “My life is a lie.”

“What?”

“I said my life is a lie, child.”

“Oh.” Sweetie blinked. “Okay then!”

And then she ran away.

Princess Celestia sighed.

Every damn week.

Sunset Shimmer Breaks Up With Rarity

The first half a minute was spent attempting to open the door again.

But to no avail, Rarity’s hooves were made for sewing, not for fighting against the bulk of an entire Applejack holding her in.

“Hey, Rarity,” came a voice from behind her. “Uh… I have something I need to tell you.”

Rarity peeked over her shoulder.

Sunset sat there, in the middle of the dusty old office next to a flickering lamp.

Not that it was particularly necessary; the lights actually still worked and the sunlight streaming through the window was adequate enough to brighten up the place.

The orange pony coughed, clearing her throat. “So, you know, it’s your turn.”

Rarity’s shoulders dropped slightly. She opened her mouth as if to speak, but held something in.

“So uh… yeah. Look, I know this is kinda weird, but I really need to break up with you. You’d really be helping me out,” Sunset said. “Please.”

Rarity caught a look on her face. It was the kind of look that hid in the shadows behind other looks. The kind of looks that squirreled away and only peeked out when it thought it was safe. But it was usually never safe, and the look was caught at an opportune moment when Sunset had to open the door to her feelings.

Rarity felt her heart mush up like old peas in a rusty colander. “Okay. Fine,” Rarity said, turning her body forward. “Then, if we’re going to do this, we simply must tidy up in here. This place looks like it’s been abandoned for years!”

“Well, I… guess that would be okay, but… I mean, we really ought to do the whole breakup thing. You know. Because—”

“Yes, yes. Listen. You want to have a breakup?”

“Yes, I would like very much to!” Sunset clapped. “That’s the whole point of this!”

“Then, listen.” Rarity said. “Help me clean up first.”

“I don’t… understand.”

“Well, you help me and I’ll break up with you. Fair?” Rarity skidded to a broken desk in the corner.

“I don’t see what that has to do with anything, though.” Sunset said. “Not that I’m questioning your wisdom, though, I just—”

“Would you look at this place!” Rarity swept her hoof through the air. “It looks even worse than the inside of Pinkie’s closet! And trust me, I once found an entire colony of anteaters living in the back. It’s pretty bad, but this place. Ugh. This place is even worse.”

“Is it really that bad?” Sunset held her hoof to her chin.

“Darling, you do remember who I am, don’t you?” Rarity tapped the desk, a nice fluffy layer of white powder falling off, like the scales shedding from the wings of a moth. “Ech.”

“Yes, you’re Rarity.”

“Exactly. And what do I like?” Rarity trilled.

“You like to make things clean?” Sunset hazarded a guess.

“Well, not my primary thing, but, relevant, so I’ll accept it.” Rarity shrugged. “So, as I will repeat, we really should tidy up a bit. After all, you do… want to break up, don’t you?”

“Yes! Yes I do!” Sunset nodded her head furiously.

“Then, get started,” Rarity smiled, rubbing her dusty hoof on the wall.

“Okay. But… uh… what are we gonna clean all this with?” Sunset asked, looking around the room. There was only a bucket in the corner, which looked like it would dirty things more if it were used to wash up.

“Not my problem.” Rarity shrugged. “It’s yours, isn’t it? Use your hooves or something. Or your mane. You know, they used to make dusters out of hair.”

Sunset frowned. “O...kay? Then… at least can we do the breaking up while we clean?”

“While you clean, dear.”

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Wait, you’re not helping?”

“Don’t see why I should,” Rarity said, sniffing, walking around slowly as if inspecting the place. “But I don’t think I’m going to want to have this conversation if this place isn’t absolutely dustless. That would be my bare minimum, at least.”

“So… you expect me to clean up this entire room, by myself, to satisfy you, before we even get started on the breakup?”

“Mm hmm.” Rarity hummed.

Sunset raised her hooves. “That’s… crazy. That’s insane. You’re being so unreasonable!”

“Sure.” Rarity stepped closer, sticking her hoof out at Sunset. “But what do you think you’re being?”

A soft fluffy layer of dust scattered off the ceiling and dribbled down in clumps of fuzzy rain.

“You want to break up with me, right?” Rarity said, once more. “You keep saying that. But are you even thinking about how that might make me feel?”

“Oh,” Sunset whispered softly.

“It’s not good enough that you want to break my heart, but now you don’t want me to be comfortable when you do so?”

Sunset nodded. “Yeah. I get it.”

“Listen. Breaking up is messy. And if you’re not going to do everything you possibly can to make it easy for everyone, then… you haven’t done enough.” Rarity quirked her eyebrows, smiling smugly to herself.

“You know what, you’re right.” Sunset said, voice tender like a freshly cooked nugget. She ran her hoof down the wall, streaking clean across a smudge of oil and dirt. “I’ll clean up. Just wait there, and I’ll—”

“Oh no, darling.” Rarity trilled, holding a hoof to her chest. “I’m not staying another second in this horrid place. You wanted a lesson, didn’t you? There’s your lesson. Make things comfortable. Alright?”

Sunset paused her hoof in mid-streak. “Uh…”

“Alright, see you!” Rarity said.

She was already out the door.

“How’d it go?” Applejack asked, as soon as Rarity returned to them. Six heads waited for the reply.

“Yeah, sis! Was it fun?” Sweetie chorused. “What happened?”

“Oh, it went fine, actually. We just had a really short talk.” Rarity waved it away. “We never even really reached the ‘break-up’ part? I just told her something I once read in the back of a magazine and she seemed awfully happy with it.”

“Do you think that’s best for her?” Fluttershy asked, a touch of genuine concern flowing from her tone like honey from the mouth of a peckish bear.

“I’m good at talking!” Sweetie cut in. “You’re always saying how I never shut up!”

“Of couuuuuurse, darling!” Rarity responded to Fluttershy. “The best advice comes from magazines, after all. But now, my work is done, so I believe I should make my way home. Come now, Sweetie, we shan’t need to trouble ourselves any longer.”

The pony turned, lifting her hoof and resting it on…

“Sweetie?” Rarity asked.

Celesta raised a hoof. She had her butt planted firmly on the ground, her chest heaving from the constant sighs that seemed to now comprise ninety-five percent of her breathing.

Rarity turned around in the direction of the pointing.

“Okay! I’m gonna go try now! See you, sis!” Sweetie said, as she ducked through the door to the office.

“No!” Rarity cried out, stepping forward.

A leg rested on her shoulder. It was an oddly firm grip — strong, yet paradoxically gentle.

“Let her go,” Maud said. “She’s gone now. She’s gone.”

Sunset Shimmer Breaks Up With Sweetie Belle

“Heya!” Sweetie said, bouncing around the room. “So, what’s going on? You gonna break up with me?”

“Hi, Sweetie Belle,” Sunset said. “I… uh…”

“What?”

Sunset waggled her hoof in the air. “You seem… younger.”

“I mean, I am younger.” Sweetie skidded to a stop. “Young.”

“Ehhh…” Sunset rubbed the back of her neck. “You know what? This is kinda weird.”

“I’m not weird,” Sweetie stuck out her lower lip. “It’s not nice to call ponies you just met weird.”

“No! I wasn’t… look. I’m sorry.” Sunset shook her head. “So, you got the gist of where I’m from, right?”

Sweetie Belle shook her head ever so slowly.

“Right, so over there on the other side,” Sunset said, “My Sweetie Belle is a little bit older? More mature. I think. A little.”

“I’m mature!” Sweetie said. “Anyway, why don’t you go ask your own Sweetie for help then, if we’re all so not mature enough!”

Sunset sighed. “Look. It’s just… I gotta break up with ponies. Do you understand?”

“Still no idea,” Sweetie said. “Uh… so, like. What are we doing?”

“With you? Nothing. But thanks for coming in, though. It was nice of you!” Sunset said, shuffling to the door.

There was an odd lack of shuffle behind her.

“Eh?” Sunset murmured, turning around.

Sweetie planted herself in the middle of the room, front legs folded across her chest. A foul look was plastered across her face like some bad, stanky wallpaper.

“Sweetie?”

“Nuh uh!” Sweetie said, shaking her head. “I’m an adult! I got my cutie mark and everything! You asked my sister to bring me and I’m gonna help!”

“Listen, this is kinda grown-up stuff, kid.” Sunset gave her a wry smile.

“I just said I was an adult!” Sweetie shrieked. “Are you even listening?”

“Whoa!” Sunset held up her hooves. “Okay! Jeez! Fine! Look, it’s not a big deal, okay? I just… like what do you want?”

“Break up with me! You broke up with Sis Rarity, right? I deserve a break-up too!”

“Oh boy.”

“Yeah! I want a big one, too!”

Sunset rolled her eyes up, head tilting to the ceiling. “No. No you really don’t. Do you even know what a break-up is?”

“I mean, I think I know? It’s when friends become different kinds of friends, right?” Sweetie tilted her head, her tail smooshing in the dust.

“Oh boy.”

“And I really like my friends a lot! So learning how to be a new type of friend would be great!”

“Look… sit down, kid,” Sunset said, walking back to her.

Sweetie looked down at herself. “But I’m already sitting!”

Sunset blinked to get the dryness out of her eyes.

“Holy cow,” she muttered. “Has anyone ever said you sound like a rabid weasel, kid?”

“Two times this week. Why?” Sweetie asked.

“Look. Nevermind. It was just a figure of speech, okay?” Sunset walked closer, settling down next to Sweetie on the floor. “How do I say this… a break-up isn’t something you want. It’s a terrible, horrible thing. And yeah, you’re right. It changes your friends to a different kind of friend. But very rarely in a good way.”

“I don’t get it.” Sweetie Belle said. She honestly didn’t.

“Alright. Look.” Sunset rubbed the bridge of her snout. “Let’s pretend you and Scootaloo broke up, alright?”

Sweetie Belle nodded.

“That’d mean that you two didn’t like each other anymore.”

“But wouldn’t that mean we weren’t friends?”

“No… you’d… well. It means you’re not that kind of friend. You wouldn’t be the kind of friend who’d go out with her anymore. You wouldn’t be the kind of friend who played with her and shared your secrets with her.”

“Then what kind of friend would I be?” Sweetie asked, her brow furrowing.

“The kind who says ‘hi’ when you bump into her in the street. The kind whom you don’t call, or visit, because there’s nothing you need to say to her and there’s nothing she needs to say to you. The kind of friend who you think of, wishing that the kind of friend you were was different.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. That kind of friend,” Sunset said, softly. “Um… yeah. It’s not fun. You don’t want it.”

“Then…” Sweetie Belle said, eyes gazing downward. “Why do you want it?”

For once, everything was a little bit more quiet than it should have been. Sweetie patiently awaited the reply, and Sunset looked far, far away to search for an answer.

“Sometimes you can’t be friends,” Sunset said.

“But…”

“There’s a different type of friend for everyone, Sweetie,” Sunset said, smiling down at her. “Sometimes the best thing to do is to find what kind of friend you are to other people so that they don’t become your enemy. Because even just a little bit of love is better than hate.”

Sweetie also looked down. She had been drawing circles in the dust of the floor. “How do I know what kind of friend I am?”

“Don’t worry. You’re the best kind,” Sunset said. “At least, over in my world. And I’m sure you’re the same here. Keep being the greatest you can be to Scootaloo and Applebloom, and… the future will keep surprising you.”

“Okay!” Sweetie Belle suddenly grinned. “I love my friends, so that’ll be easy! I’ll never break up with them!”

Sunset nodded, as she wiped at something on her cheek. “Okay kid. Time to go, okay? I need to… to learn.”

“About break-ups? But you seem to know everything already!”

Sunset laughed. “I know nothing at all.”

“Oh, Sweetie!” Rarity cried, rushing over as the door squeaked open. “Are you alright? Tell me where the mean pony hit you!”

“She didn’t hit me, Sis.” Sweetie frowned. “We had a good conversation about the precarious nature of relationships!”

“W-what?”

“She told me to say that,” Sweetie admitted. “But she also called me a rabid weasel.”

“Oh, that’s the third time this week,” Rarity said. “Well. I’m glad you are okay.”

“Of course I’m okay! I’m an adult!” Sweetie puffed her chest out proudly. “But let’s go home. I gotta go meet up with my friends now. It’s important to be good friends!”

Princess Celestia snorted.

“Okay, well then!” Rarity turned to the group. “We shall be making our way, then! All the best for the rest of you, and please do tell me how this all turns out?”

“Yeah, alright. See ya, Rarity,” Applejack said, amidst the waves and farewells.

Finally, Rarity and Sweetie Belle left, and then there were five.

“So, who’s next?” Applejack asked, looking to the group. “Princess?”

“Oh no, no.” Celestia waved a casual leg. “I’ll have to go last. I’m always last.”

“Uh… okay,” Applejack muttered.

“Somepony’s gonna have to clean up after you,” Celestia said under her breath.

“What was that?” Applejack asked.

“After you!” Celestia sang, harmonious angels dancing in her loving voice. “Please, my dearest Applejack, perhaps you could help?”

“Uh… sure. But—”

A hoof stamped the ground. “You know what? I’ll do it!” Rainbow declared.

“Wait, why?” Applejack said.

“Cuz when I’m done? All of you can go home! Let’s save some time here!” Rainbow beamed proudly at the thing she hadn’t done yet. “You’re welcome.”

Sunset Shimmer Breaks Up With Rainbow Dash

“Uh… ah… ummm…” Dash stammered, a trickle of sweat dropping of her wing. “So… it… uhh… it hurts? In the chest heart?”

“Yes. And I’m sorry, but I think we need to take a break from each other.” Sunset stroked Dash’s cheek gently.

“Yeah. Totes. Break. Uh… yeah. Ow. Owie my arm. I think I’m having a heart attack.”

“This isn’t convincing at all, Dash,” Sunset huffed, pulling away. “I’m not picking up any love from you at all.”

“Look, I got this, okay?” Dash shot back. “I got this!”

“You had this three times already.”

“Line?” Dash asked.

“What?”

“Line! What’s my line!” Dash’s voice trembled.

“Li— what? There’s no script, Dash! This is a break-up!” Sunset twitched her ear. “You’re supposed to act like you would normally!”

Dash started pacing back and forth, kicking up a storm of dirt. It didn’t help that anxious twitches of her wings turned the clouds into tiny localized whirlwinds. “Look! You’re putting too much stress on me, okay? How am I supposed to perform like this with you watching me?”

“Don’t you… like being watched?”

“I mean yeah! But… but this is about dumb gooey stuff, right? This isn’t cool! There’s nothing cool about this at all! You don’t watch gooey Dash! You watch cool Dash!”

“So… like… how would you make it cool?”

“Look, look,” Dash said, storming up to Sunset, prodding her in the chest. “Here, let’s switch roles for a sec, alright? I’ll be you, and you be me, or whoever, and we’ll do it that way for a bit.”

“Okay, if you think it’ll help?”

“Yeah okay! So look, I’m you, stupid dorky Sunset, durr, books and stuff but not as much as T— others!” Dash stumbled through, flicking her eyes to Sunset. “And you’re me, okay? And we gotta uh… like, okay. You’re sad and stuff!”

“Yeah, I’m… sad.” The edge of Sunset’s mouth quirked up.

“Hey, baby,” Dash said, sliding in, sauntering, taking large buffalo steps. “Hey. What up. Y’all feelin’ this heat right here?”

“Is… that what you think I sound like?” Sunset asked.

“Listen! Just respond, okay?” Dash waved her arms around.

“Okay! Sheesh!” Sunset coughed. “Hey, Sunset. You said you had something to tell me?”

“Yeahhhhh baby!” Dash slurred, wings flapping all over the place. “You’re super cute girl, but I gotta go, you know?”

“Go… where?”

“Go, woman! I gotta go! I gotta fly free!”

“But I don’t fly,” Sunset said.

Dash pressed her face up against Sunset’s. “Look, in this example I’m playing you, right?”

“Yeff.” Sunset responded, her mouth impeded by Dash’s cheek.

“And I have wings, right?”

“Yeff.”

“So why wouldn’t the me-you not have wings too?”

“I’ff nobmefnvg fhafh.” Sunset pushed herself away, trying again. “I’m not sure that’s how role-play works, Dash.”

“It makes sense! You gotta fly! Fly away from this relationship! And you know what, you really should understand!” Dash lifted off the floor.

“I… should?”

Dash yelled down from the center of the room. “Yeah! How can you tie me, Sunset Shimmer, down like that? I’m a free cloud, man!”

“But… what about me? What about us?”

“There ain’t no ‘Dash’ in ‘us’, girl! You can’t keep me tied to the floor!”

“What does that even mean?”

“Hah!” Dash laughed smugly. “That’s why I, Sunset Shimmer, could never be with a pony like you. Because you don’t get me. Annnddd…”

Dash took a bow. “...sceeeene. There. Easy. Now you’re single, I’m single, and we’re both still alive.”

“Wow.” Sunset said. “That was terrible. This is terrible.”

“Whaaaaaat?” Rainbow crossed her legs grumpily, landing on her rump. “Are you saying that wasn’t like the best break-up ever?”

“I genuinely hope you never get into a relationship, Dash.”

“Oi!” Dash shouted. “I’m great at relationships, okay?”

“Have you ever been in one?”

“I’ve heard about dozens!”

“That really isn’t—”

“Look. Don’t worry about it. Okay? The thing is, all this while, you didn’t realise but I was totally teaching you a lesson this entire time.”

Sunset stroked her chin. “You have.”

“Yeah. Damn straight! A magazine lesson. So what you do now is like, take some time to think about it. Okay? Think hard about what I said. And then take that lesson and like, totally use it to fly off.” Dash flew her hoof through the air.

Sunset pursed her lips.

Dash nodded.

“Listen, you gotta go,” Sunset said, pointing towards the door.

“Nope, that was terrible,” Dash said, slamming the door behind her. “I’m terrible. I tried to do what Rarity said but I think I did it wrong. I think I’m in the clear, though, and she didn’t realise that I had no idea what I was talking about? But yeah. You guys gonna have to stay.”

Fluttershy shook her head.

“I’m gonna take off, okay? Because like… uh… yeah.” Rainbow said.

Four ponies watched her go.

“Well then. Who’s next?” Applejack asked.

Sunset Shimmer Breaks Up With Maud Pie

She walked into the room like a slug on wheels — a little bit faster than a regular slug, but still just a slug anyway.

“Hi, Maud.” Sunset greeted her politely.

“Hello.”

“So, uh… how… how should we do this?”

“Go ahead. “Maud blinked. “I’m already in character.”

“Oh.”

“Hello, my dearest Sunset,” Maud said. “It’s so nice to see you on this day as usual. Shall we do go the usual things that we do as a couple usually.”

Sunset couldn’t help but look over her own shoulder. Maud had this weird way of speaking that made it sound like what she said was directed at the pony standing behind you, regardless of one existing or not.

“Um… okay. Listen, darling, we have to talk.”

“Go ahead. I am listening.”

“Uh… okay.”

Sunset scratched her ear. For some reason, she didn’t really have anything else to say anymore.

“My Sunset,” Maud continued. “Are you okay. You look quite terrible. Like a rock. Just a boring one. No interesting cracks and far too high up in the homogeneity scale.”

“Oh, well, I guess I needed to—”

“Ha. Ha. That was a joke,” Maud said. “There is no such thing as a boring rock.”

Sunset sighed. “Right. Look, dear, could we sit? I’m afraid that this conversation might be shocking to you.”

“No, I feel more comfortable standing. Thank you. What is it you wish to say.”

“Alright. Then.” Sunset fidgeted. “So, you know how we’ve been seeing each other for a while, now?”

“This is a correct assertment. We have been seeing each other for approximately two years, three months, and fifteen days.”

“Wow, that’s… specific.”

“I told you.” Maud’s eyes locked onto Sunset’s. “I’m in character.”

“Oh, right, okay.” Sunset cleared her throat. “But, you know. Recently, things haven’t been really that super good.”

“Yes. I know. I felt it in my stones.”

“Oh, you… you did?”

“Yes. The ones I sleep with. They have a particular way of knocking together when you slip into bed beside me. But recently, they have been knocking together less and less. It appears that our bed is… quite still.”

“Oh, uh… that’s because…” Sunset frowned.

“You haven’t been coming home at night, have you.”

“P-pardon?”

“You’ve been seeing someone on the side. Someone else. Who is it. Tell me. I need to know.”

“No, wait, I…” Sunset held a hoof to her chest.

“Tell me. Tell me now, you harlot. You homewrecker. How dare you. I found her socks in the washing machine the other day. There weren’t my socks. And they weren’t your socks. So they could only have been her socks. Who is she. Tell me.”

“There… there’s no one! What are you talking about?”

“The socks don’t lie, Sunset, my darling, my love. I love you but you’re a homewrecker, as previously mentioned. How could you do this to me. How could you do this to our babies.”

“We… we have children?”

“The rocks. It was obvious from context.” Maud said.

“Okay. Look. I’m not seeing someone else!”

“Oh. Then what about the socks.”

“Those…” Sunset stammered. “They’re for you! They’re a gift…? Maybe? Yes?”

“Oh. Then why has the bed been still at night.”

“Because… I’ve been working late! To buy us that… vacation we’ve always wanted!”

“Oh. I’ve misjudged you.”

“Yes! You have! I’d never cheat on you!” Sunset raised her legs.

“Oh. I’m sorry. Will you forgive me. It was wrong of me to jump to such conclusions. I will make it up to you, my dearest.” Maud blinked.

“Okay! Great!” Sunset said, breathing a sigh of relief.

The two of them stood staring at each other for a while.

“Well, I guess we’re still together then,” Maud said. “That was fun. I see now why Pinkie likes playing pretend. It was such a rush of emotion.”

“No, wait.” Sunset frowned. “That’s not… no. We’re supposed to break up, though!”

“I guess the power of love was too strong between us.” Maud turned around. “Thank you for this opportunity.”

Sunset could only watch as Maud plodded towards the door and exit ceremoniously.

“What?” she said to herself.

Sunset Shimmer Breaks Up With Fluttershy and Applejack

“I’m beginning to think this was a bad idea,” Sunset said, her face flat against the broken, dirty desk in the corner.

“Oh, it was… misguided,” Fluttershy replied. “But not necessarily a wasted effort.”

Sunset rolled her face, a thick layer of cobwebs and slime sticking to her muzzle as she rested on her cheek. “Ech.”

“I can’t imagine this being easy for you. But if you felt that you needed to do it, then maybe you needed to do it.”

“You know, compared to the others, this is a bit of a breath of fresh air.” Sunset sighed. “If only it was always this easy.”

“Well, you wouldn’t know, would you?” Fluttershy smiled, walking over. “It might be. But whatever the case, I would like to help you, if I can.”

“You know, I don’t even know if we really should go through with it like I planned. It’s… tiring.”

“Of course it is,” Fluttershy said gently. “After all, you’re trying to break up with eight ponies in the same day. That would definitely be taxing on the emotions. A bee knows when to stop making honey.”

“I mean, it’s not even that. Nothing really went how I imagined it. Everything was… weird. Different.” Sunset rolled her hoof through the air. “I don’t know if I learned anything from it.”

“Ain’t nothin’ to learn,” Applejack piped up. She was standing in the corner, and the tone in her timbre betrayed a little irritation. “Just how things are. We can’t tell if an apple on a tree’s gonna be mighty sweet or a little sour until you take that first bite. But after that, then we know what to do with the rest of the tree.”

“Man, enough with the analogies,” Sunset groaned. “I just… like, you know what, just… tell me what I need to do.”

“We can’t, Sunset,” Applejack said. “That’s just as useless as tryin’ ta break up with us in the first place. There ain’t no magical line, or magical scenario. You’re lookin’ for the best possible case. But guess what, there ain’t no best case!”

Sunset perked her head up a little. “Hey, look. I’m sorry…”

“No. No.” Applejack shook hers. “I… look. Can I tell you a story?”

“Yeah, sure?”

Applejack exhaled. It was less of a sigh and more of a steeling wind. “I used to know this guy. A while back. Okay? Best friends, whatever. The usual stuff.”

Sunset sat up, pushing herself off the table. Her eyebrows sagged as she listened.

“And as things go, stuff happened and we just started to not get along. Same story as it always is. And time’s come when I have to break it off. Spent a good amount of time thinkin’ and plannin’ and wonderin’ about this and that, that and this… and you know what? Finally, after weeks of millin, he comes to me and breaks it off.”

Applejack shook her head, her tail coming to a dry stop. “I didn’t get to say the things I needed to say because he didn’t want to. He just said he was gonna take off and that was it. That was the last I saw of him. So yeah, I’m a little annoyed.”

Sunset tried to pry her eyes open, but they were fighting a tiredness that suddenly appeared in her chest.

Applejack continued. “I’m annoyed that you’re wastin’ your time here lookin’ for the ‘answers’. If you want this to go right, then go handle it. You wanna ask questions, then do it straight. But don’t hide behind all this time-wastin’ because you know you’re just lookin’ away from the end of the road. And I’m sorry, but I don’t think I got any much more to say than that.”

And then there was Fluttershy.

She gave a little smile, and placed a gentle hoof on Sunset’s shoulder.

“Applejack’s right,” she said. “You’ll have to get it over with. I promise you, we will be there for the both of you until the end, but there are some parts of this journey you have to take by yourself. But if there’s anything I can do for you now…”

Sunset tried to reply. She tried to respond, but the lump in her throat blocked all of her voice. Weakly, she slumped down into the desk, head buried in her hooves.

“If you wanted, we could try breaking up?” Fluttershy offered gently.

“No,” Sunset choked out, finally, forcing her words through the pain-stricken gap in her throat. “Just go. Go home. I’m sorry. I didn’t… you’re right. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

The thick, raw shaking of her voice was only beat out by the shuddering of her legs, as she struggled to keep them in check.

Fluttershy stepped back, her eyes darting toward Applejack.

Applejack nodded back.

“Mmm,” Fluttershy said. “Listen, we’ll be around, okay? I promise. We’re not going to be too far.”

And then they left.

Just like she was going to.

It was as easy as opening and stepping through a door.

That’s all she wanted from today. That’s all she needed to prove to herself.

That a simple goodbye was not going to have to be anything more than a simple goodbye.

The sun started to set, as oranges and reds started to fall through the broken, cracked windows. They cast shadows of jagged teeth across Sunset’s back, as she stared, eyes dry, at the opposite wall.

Her eyes closed.

The reds of the day dropped to a mild, blurry, pale pink behind her eyelids.

It was comfortable, at least.

It would be easy to stay there forever, swimming in her foolishness, numb to her feelings.

But then a voice spoke up.

“It’s never easy, child.”

Sunset pried open an eye.

“Come. Let us take a walk,” Princess Celestia said, looking down at her student.

Sunset Shimmer Breaks Up With Celestia

The hill overlooking ponyville was somewhat peaceful given the circumstances. Below, the evening called out workers from their jobs and children from their schools, and the little town burst into life as ponies went about their way.

It was what it was — a whole assortment of feelings and thoughts bundled up in a neat little bow.

From where Celestia and Sunset were sitting, they weren’t part of the living creature that was ponyville. They were lookers-on; a position that gave Sunset a bit of resignation to her future.

She didn’t know if she should be happy that it felt comfortable this easily. But it hurt any time she thought about going back down to the streets, any time she thought about having to be part of life once more.

It was the end of a day.

At least, it would be for two ponies.

Celestia breathed a little bit harder. It was never easier for her as well. Even after thousands of years, it still came down to the little things. But that’s what it was always about.

“Why?” Sunset asked.

It was a broad question, one that could signify a lot of things in many different contexts. But Princess Celestia had been around long enough to know exactly what this ‘why’ had meant.

“It’s part and parcel of our journey,” Celestia said, staring forward. “Things get built. Then they break. Ponies come and go. That’s the sorry part of life.”

“Then what’s the happy part of life?” Sunset whispered, unable to bring her voice louder for the fear that something might break.

“It’s everything else,” Celestia said. “Even the parts that, yes, you may not be a part of.”

“How do I make sure she’ll be happy?” Sunset gazed into Ponyville.

“Million bit question.” Celestia shook her head. “You can’t. She isn’t you. But you have two choices, and you know how both roads are going to turn out.”

“Do I?” Sunset asked miserably.

“Yes. If you stay with her, you will be sad. You will be forcing yourself into a relationship that will inevitably make her sad as well, simply by the virtue of you being sad yourself.

“If you leave, then you’ll be happy, and maybe she will be one day too.”

Sunset stared at the grass between her legs. The wind nudged the trees, filling the air with a rustling sound.

“How could I do this to someone I love?” Sunset asked. A tear finally running from her eye. “To someone who loves me?”

“Because the alternative is just as hurting,” Celestia said plainly.

“I thought I stopped being a monster!” Sunset burst out, throwing her head into her hooves.

She sobbed openly, bursts of air running over strained mewlings that tore at her throat and stung her chest.

“Sunset. You are no more a monster for breaking up than you are a monster for wanting to get into a relationship in the first place,” Celestia told her.

“You don’t even know why!” Sunset cried. “Why I want to break up!”

“Oh, child,” Celestia said, gently, but with a tinge of reality. “It doesn’t even matter. There are a hundred thousand different reasons for breaking up. There’s a hundred thousand reasons more for wanting to be with someone. Who knows how many of them are ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ by any one pony’s standards. There’s only one thing that’s important here. Would you like to guess what that is?”

“W-what?” Sunset hiccupped.

“That you care more than not at all,” Celestia said, looking at her. “That you care about her, and that you care about yourself. Your reasons are always going to be your reasons. It’s not up to you if she accepts it or not.”

“But how can that be enough?” Sunset asked, wiping away at her face.

“Because caring is the only way where both of you win at the end of this,” Celestia said. “It’s not guaranteed, but it’s the only way you’ll even get the chance.”

Sunset flicked her tear-stricken eyes back to the village. Echoes of laughter floated up to the hill. Lights flickered as lanterns were lit ahead of the encroaching night.

“Look, I don’t know what all of today was,” Celestia admitted. “I don’t know what you were trying to find, or not find, and I honestly don’t want to know. But allow me, as the last invited guest to your little party, to tell you the only piece of advice you’ll need.”

Sunset looked to her old mentor.

“Be honest.”

And that was it. The one piece of advice.

“I was never going to lie to—”

“Not with her. With yourself.” Celestia said. “Like I said, I don’t know what you were trying to do today, and that’s the problem. If you go down there, and she doesn’t know what you’re doing… then all that care flies right out the window.”

Sunset tensed the muscles in her leg, her hoof twitching anxiously against the soil. “It’s… it’s hard.”

“And we’re back at the start. It is not going to be easy.”

“I know. I just… needed to hear it again.”

“Mmm.” Celestia hummed. “She’s going to be in a lot of pain. She’ll have to know that you are too. And then… both of you can move forward, caring for each other. Everything else is just… details.”

“Yeah,” Sunset whispered.

“Go. Show her that you’re not a monster anymore.” Celestia jerked her head toward a tree in the middle of the village.

“Now?”

“Now.”

And Celestia watched as Sunset pulled herself up to wobbly knees and an unsteady gait. She watched as Sunset forced herself down the hill, stopping once or twice to take in a deep breath or to look back over her shoulder.

Celestia watched as she disappeared where the edge of the hill overlapped the edge of the village, and watched as she popped back into view walking down the roads.

Celestia watched as she stopped outside the door to the library, standing there for a good few minutes, before finally rapping it heavily with a heavier hoof.

Celestia watched as Twilight Sparkle answered the door with great joy, and she watched as that joy was sucked away into the night sky, and she watched as two ponies stood still and silent in the cool air, shoulders pulled low and tails barely moving.

Celestia watched as the two of them entered the library, slowly, cautiously.

And after an hour, Celestia left.

Two Weeks Later

“Why are we here again?” Rainbow Dash cried, as the nine ponies gathered in the abandoned warehouse.

“Just a whim,” Sunset said. “But, I mean, it’s kind of fitting, I guess?”

“I see it worked out,” Fluttershy observed with a smile.

“Yeah, it did,” Twilight Sparkle said. “You know, it was… not easy. I thought at first it was me, but it turned out th—”

“Don’t want to know!” Princess Celestia shouted from the back.

“Uh… okay,” Twilight said, a confused expression passing across her face. “Anyway, we both decided to invite you back here to say thank you.”

“Yes, thank you,” Sunset agreed.

“Thank you for… what?” Rarity questioned.

“Well, the interesting thing was, I had no idea what to say,” Sunset explained. “I was kind of stuck at a point where the both of us were miserable, so… I actually told her about what I did.”

“What. Here?” Applejack said. “That day?”

“Yeah! I just… I just decided to tell her what a dumb-ass goof I was and how I actually… well, you guys know the story. And you know what, it kinda made both of us feel a bit better.” Sunset said.

“At least, good enough at the time to actually talk about things,” Twilight continued. “And, you know. That’s what matters in the end.”

“Yeah. So, officially, we’re kinda done. It’s sad, but we’ve both decided that there’s no reason why we can’t just continue as friends.” Sunset smiled. “After we had some time off, that is.”

“Oh! Oh!” Sweetie Belle chimed in. “Are you guys the bad kind of friend now?”

“No, actually,” Sunset said. “We changed from good friends to a different kind of good friend. Not too bad, right?”

“Oh, okay!” Sweetie Belle said. “I’m happy for you!”

“Thanks!” Sunset replied.

“Yeah, told you I was teaching you all sorts of good things,” Dash added.

“No!” Sunset continued grinning, pointing a leg at Dash. “You were awful!”

“Nah, you learned from me,” Dash said, shrugging.

“You know what,” Twilight cut in. “We all learned from everypony else. The lessons that we found today are that of friendship. Without all of your help, this might have ended up a lot worse. It just goes to show that just being there for others can make all the difference in the world.”

The rest of them nodded. Even Maud, who usually never nodded for anything as it was far too emotional of a gesture.

Princess Celestia, however, rolled her eyes, as Twilight launched into another speech tying every single event into a tenet of friendship, almost as if the universe allowed all of life’s mysteries to be encapsulated into one or two simple broad commentaries.

Every week.

Princess Celestia sighed.

Every goddamn week.

At least they were happy.

The End

Author's Note

FML