Worshiping At The Altar Of Knowledgeby TCC56ChaptersObserveQuestionTestObserveGliding in low over the treetops, Twilight did her best to stay silent. Alerting the crowd below would have grave consequences. A massive bonfire crackled in the middle of them, threatening to ruin her night vision while still casting the cluster of robed figures in flickering shadow. It had just been rumors originally - quiet comments and the barest of murmurs. Official inquires had only sent them deeper to ground. S.M.I.L.E. assets had eventually teased out enough to find the location of this meeting, but little more. To stop the cult from gaining any more traction, they needed information. They needed to find out details. This wasn't a Princess' job, the captain of the guard had said. I need to do something that isn't looking at tax law or I will throw several nobles into the sun, the princess had responded. I think that would be a good thing, had been his counter-point. I could make you a Baron first, had been hers. Which is why she was now coasting on the breeze to spy on a secretive (and likely evil) cult in the wild forest near Foal Mountain. Granted there were two platoons of Royal Guards only a mile away and ready to pounce, but she was the one who was investigating and observing. (And not engaging, the captain had refused to give any ground on that one, the spoilsport.) A low-flying cloud provided the perfect perch for Twilight, letting her settle down within hearing range as the cultists gathered. Dark purple robes blended in with the shadowy forest around, eerily moving in the twilight before Twilight. She was a bit late to the scene - they had already started. The one who stood alone at the northernmost point of the circle continued to speak. "--And so it shall be! Nothing and nopony shall impede our quest! Our sacred duty!" He waved a hoof in the air, motioning to the sky. (And coincidentally, towards the hidden Twilight.) "To open the mysteries of the universe itself and find the path to true magic!" Around the fire, the others in dark purple echoed his words in a refrain. "The path to true magic!" "The secret knowledge shall not be held back from us, my friends. Those who would selfishly hoard it will bow before us at the Altar of Knowledge after they are shown the error of their ways!" And the gathering once more echoed the words. "The Altar of Knowledge!" Twilight's wings twitched. Oh no. They were the worst kind of evil cultists - educated. This was bad. This was really bad. They read books, which meant they had the knowledge to get what they were after. They probably read the wrong books or they wouldn't be an evil cult, but Twilight could appreciate the wisdom of (and danger in) their attempts. The leader stomped a hoof against the hard ground - a chunk of slate was there, possibly placed for this exact purpose. The crack of hoof on stone echoed in the dark. "Now let us begin tonight's work, my friends. I presume that you are all prepared?" Above, Twilight braced. Each of the crowd of cultists pulled an object from their robe - books. She could recognize that much in an instant, though the exact titles were a mystery. A part of Twilight screamed in panic that these obviously evil ponies might burn them. Another part screamed that the light was far too poor for proper reading and they would give themselves eyestrain. There was a firm nod from the leader. "Excellent. You may break into your study groups now. To your places." And the cult obeyed. The circle of ponies shattered, dissolving into eleven smaller clusters. Six evenly spaced around the inside, five more on the outside in a lopsided manner. Twilight frowned at that. Something about that configuration was familiar. Before joining the last group, the leader spoke again. "Everyone has a study partner before we begin reading? Yes? Good. None of you should study alone because--" And as one, the group spoke a chilling refrain. "Friendship Is Magic." Oh no. Those two words were the entirety of Twilight's thoughts. The rest of her brain was locked up in absolute terror. To the Princess' credit, it only took her half a minute to pull herself out of it. And into a panicked dead sprint of deduction. The cult was arranged in eleven groups - a familiar six-pointed star with five smaller ones lopsidedly arranged around it. Deep purple robes. A dedication to knowledge and books. Twilight's mental gears jammed again as she attempted to process what had to be the truth: this was her cult. Or at least one dedicated to her, came the quick stream of mental justifications. She didn't start it and didn't control it so she couldn't really say it was hers and-- And Twilight clamped her eyes shut and counted to ten. She had to keep under control. And she needed time to gather her thoughts. With a quiet burst of wind, the Princess of Friendship lifted away from the cloud and took to the air again. She thankfully wasn't seen, and blessed silence covered her path all the way to the waiting Royal Guards. The leader of the detachment saluted as she landed. "Ready to move in, Your Highness! Just give the word!" His response was thoughtful silence that lasted long enough for nervous unease to sink into the entire contingent. "No," Twilight finally settled on. "Not tonight, Sergeant." She raised her head from her thoughts to meet his eyes. "Have our people continue to keep an eye on the known members of this cult and watch their actions. Before any action is taken, I must consult some important sources of knowledge." A pause - then a quick addition. "To make sure everypony is safe, I mean. I need to research something." The guards didn't look happy - but they understood orders. And as they turned to head home, Twilight took to the skies herself. Not towards Canterlot, but to Silver Shoals. Not many ponies in Equestria could give advice when it came to this. Fortunately, Twilight knew just where to find the most knowledgeable there was. Author's Note Because I'm sure someone will bring it up - you will notice that the Dark tag is not on this story. This is for a reason. This isn't a 'sacrifice ponies to our D̢͎̹̹͍̳̞̘͘͘a̷̧̟̙̰̺̮͈̞r̲k̨͖̤͙̖̥͟ ҉̵͉͙̥̥ͅG̘̹̥͡ǫ̰͈̪͖̩̥͓̀̕ͅͅd̥̫̲̰̀͠s̥̰̙͞' sort of cult, cool? QuestionIt was technically correct that the former Princesses of Equestria lived in Silver Shoals. The more descriptive statement would be that their retirement villa was inside the township of Silver Shoals, nestled between the shoreline and a steep hill. As she glided in, Twilight couldn't help but be reminded of Canterlot Castle and how the two-towered structure ahead looked just similar enough to evoke the original despite the vast differences in size, location and building material. Finding Celestia was easy enough - missing a massive alicorn sunning herself on the seaward deck would have required being blind. Rather than going to the front door and forcing Celestia to get up to answer it, Twilight simply landed beside her. The former diarch's ear twitched at the sound of hooves on wood, but she let Twilight close the gap. It was only when the younger alicorn stood over her that she spoke. "You're in my light." "It's my light now," came the sassy reply. And both of them broke out into laughter. Celestia rose from the lounge chair, wrapping hooves and wings around her former student. "Twilight, it's so good to see you! It hasn't been that long but I've still missed you so." "I missed you too." Twilight nuzzled her former teacher without even realizing it. "I know I should come around more often to visit, but--" "But duty calls," Celestia completed with a knowing smile. "I believe I may understand that burden." Twilight blushed. "Speaking of burdens, I'm sorry to say this isn't a social call either. I need to ask you and Luna for advice about something." Celestia pulled away from Twilight to turn inside. "You may have to wait a few minutes, then. Luna is currently out doing her rounds but she's due back any time now. A bit of tea while we wait?" Following, Twilight gave a small nod to affirm the question. "Her rounds? Oh! Did Luna become a doctor? No no, it hasn't been long enough for her to finish the schooling. Maybe a nurse though." There was... a rather deep sigh from Celestia at that. "No, Twilight. My sister is not a nurse. She's--" The front door thumped open. Luna came barreling into the kitchen with a broad grin on her face and a dark brown uniform on her body. "Sister! Today was another glorious day in the-- Oh! Greetings, Twilight Sparkle!" The Princess of Friendship stared for a moment. "You're a mailmare?" Celestia's long and belabored sigh confirmed it. "Please don't ask questions. She's enthusiastic about answering them." Luna lofted her cap onto a hook - then stuck her tongue out at her sister. "I'll join both of you in a minute. I just need to change out of my uniform." As the dark alicorn left, the other two turned back to the kitchen table. Celestia floated a plate of scones to the middle before starting the kettle. "I should probably have asked before, Twilight, but how time-sensitive is this matter? You didn't seem in a rush but I know how affairs of state can be." "No, not too much." Twilight lifted a scone in her aura, examining it. Apple-cinnamon, and she knew the particular scent of a Sweet Apple Acres apple by heart at this point. A brief pang of nostalgia ran through her. "From what S.M.I.L.E. was able to figure out, there's another two weeks before the cult meets--" Celestia spun around. "Cult? Did you say a cult?" Twilight frowned deeply. "Yes, I'm afraid. And it gets worse - they appear to be worshiping..." She swallowed roughly, voice full of shame. "Me." Of all the reactions Twilight had been expecting, Celestia letting out a cheerful whoop was not one of them. Nor was the former princess shouting down the hall. "Luna! Hurry up! Twilight has her first cult!" The Royal Canterlot Voice echoed down the hall. "HUZZAH! It is about time!" "What." Twilight stared gormlessly at her old mentor. This didn't make any sense. "It took longer than we had expected," Celestia explained without actually explaining what Twilight cared about. "Though I suppose your area of rule is a bit less showy than ours was." Twilight blinked rapidly, trying to grasp what was going on. "Wait, are you saying that you and Luna had cults? And that you expected I was going to have one too?" Celestia laughed, as a parent laughs when their child first realizes that the parent had once been young too. "Dear Twilight, if you don't have at least one every decade or two you're probably doing something wrong." Before Twilight could question that further, Luna entered with a towel around her neck. "So! Have they yet begun sacrifices in the name of the Great Sparkle? You must give us details." Despite the vast number of wild and confused thoughts going through Twilight's head at that very moment, one of the more unlikely ones was what finally fought to the surface. "Never call me that again," she tensely asked Luna. "You make me sound like Trixie." "The Great and Powerful Trixie," Luna helpfully corrected as she pulled a delicate pink teacup out of the cupboard. Twilight pursed her lips as her face went red, trying not to shout. Celestia broke out laughing again. "Twilight, you really should relax. You seem to think that this is a terrible crisis - it's not. It is, in fact, entirely expected and natural." "So I should just be fine with having a cult worshiping me? Letting them be and doing who knows what in my name?" Twilight pawed the tile uneasily - she didn't like a bit of that thought. "Oh no, you should crush them completely," answered Celestia - much to Twilight's continued confusion. "As brutally and quickly as possible." Luna - who had picked up a scone in the meanwhile - snorted with loud derision. The two sisters appeared about ready to argue - but Twilight interrupted them first. "Can you two please start from the beginning? I'm completely lost here. I just found there's a dark cult that worships me and reads books in the woods, and you're both excited?" Luna, instead of helping, started to giggle. "Reads books in the woods. That's so you." Celestia cut in before Twilight could work herself up worse. "Setting that aside for the moment, the reason my sister and I are as relaxed about this as we are is because it's perfectly normal. Consider it from the average pony's perspective - we're immortal beings of unique appearance and with great enough magical power that we have control over celestial bodies and the forces of the cosmos. Is it any surprise that some ponies would see us as divine figures?" "In the old days," Luna said, sitting across from Twilight, "When Equestria had just begun, it wasn't uncommon. We never encouraged such things, but nor did we shy away from it. By the time of my banishment, both of us had followers of a significant size." She paused before adding, "As did Starswirl." Quickly, Celestia interrupted with a correction. "Starswirl had a number of students who worshiped the ground he walked on in the more traditional sense." "Wizard groupies," Luna smarmily clarified. Twilight blushed and decided to look intently at her scone. "Your idol's proclivity to collect swooning students aside, the worship of an alicorn was simply a thing that happened at the time." "Until Nightmare Moon," Twilight half-questioned. She had a guess about where this was going. Celestia nodded. "Yes. Until Nightmare Moon." Things went awkwardly silent - only to be finally broken by the kettle. All three startled at the noise, but it was enough to shatter the somber introspection. Celestia lifted the kettle from the burner and continued. "After the banishment, many of Luna's followers turned down a dark path. I tried for a time to steer them from it, but most would not be swayed. Just as with Luna, the good intentions and reasonable points behind their actions became twisted." The eldest alicorn paused, leaning over to hug her sister. Luna's previous joviality had drained away and been replaced by shame. It was smothered completely under a second hug as Twilight came around the table to join in. In time, the three broke apart and Celestia poured out the tea before picking up the tale once more. "In the end I had little choice but to crush those who worshiped the Nightmare. A few who had fallen too far were placed into Tartarus, but most thankfully went back to quieter lives once I had disbanded their organizations and handed out more lenient punishments." She paused to sip her tea. "The experience soured me on being worshiped as a whole. I'm still a pony - and what happened with Luna reminded me of how fallible I am. It took several generations, but I broke apart those who followed me as well." "Soooooo you both had cults that worshiped you but you broke them up because you didn't like having an ego?" Twilight cocked her head to the side, trying to make sure that she was taking the proper moral from this. "And that such things will go bad," Celestia noted. "Can go bad," was Luna's correction. "Will," came the quick counter. And Celestia sighed. "As you can see, Twilight, we've had a long-standing disagreement about this since Luna's return. She feels that there is no harm in such worship - that it is merely a way for ponies to express themselves and their views." Luna picked up another scone and spread a bit of clotted cream on it. "And she is of the mind that even the ones formed with best intentions are corruptible and in time inevitably slide towards darkness." She popped a chunk of baked good into her mouth - and continued despite the heinous etiquette violation. "Thus 'tis better to break them early, before that path can be trod." Twilight looked back and forth between the two former Princesses, a frown etched deep on her face. She had been hoping for advice, but this wasn't helping. "...What about Cadence? She's an alicorn too, when did she have to deal with this?" "Your sister-in-law found a third path which, I fear, would not work for you." Celestia shook her head gently. "She chose to steer the cult she found by portraying herself as an avatar of the Crystal Heart. She became merely the stand-in for it and their worship strengthens the Heart and thus her Empire." That did seem like a very Cadence way to handle things, but Celestia was right. That didn't help Twilight very much. She didn't have a massively powerful artifact that fed off of love to aim the cult at. Unless she did.... "Well, they like books. So what if I--" Celestia cut in before that thought could be completed. "Twilight, I want you to think back to your singular overdue book and the adventure you had returning it. Now imagine how that would have gone if the library were staffed by religious fanatics who consider each book a sacred object." Barely able to suppress her snickers, Luna added, "Imagine the late fees!" Twilight's face fell. "My advice," Celestia offered, "Is to squash this one immediately. If you decide to take a different approach later, I assure you from experience that another will appear in due time. But you are unprepared to deal with this now, my former student. And I know you're never happy with making a large choice that you rush into without proper..." She smirked with amusement. "Research." Luna waved half a scone at Twilight. "And my advice is to leave them be. You are the Princess of Friendship - to go in and punish ponies for having an enthusiastic hobby of their own free will is anathema to who you are. You will grow used to adoration in time, Twilight. There is no avoiding it in the role you have chosen. Accept it with grace and use your position to steer them true." Letting out a deep sigh, Twilight nodded. "Thank you - both of you. You've both given me a lot to think about. I'm sorry that I disturbed your retirement for something like--" "Twilight, if you think you're about to leave and brood about this you are sorely mistaken." Celestia poked her purple friend with her teacup. "You've dealt with business, and now I fully expect you to stay for lunch and tell Luna and I all about how things have been for you lately." Slinging a companionable wing across Twilight, Luna beamed. "Indeed! You have been most lax with your letters and we demand a full accounting of how all of our friends in Canterlot and Ponyville have been doing." And just like that, the threatening malaise lifted from Twilight's brightening face. "I suppose it would be rude if I didn't. Rarity practically demanded I pass along her well-wishes next time I saw you." "Do so. And tell us as well of the Apple newlyweds!" Luna winked playfully. "I am most curious how they have settled in." And so the next few hours passed just as Twilight liked them - with friends. Author's Note This fic as a whole has gone a bit more serious than I had originally expected it to. I will never apologize for Mailmare Luna, however. TestIn the dark of night, ponies gathered around the bonfire. Deep purple robes shrouded them all, concealing identity even from each other. The opening of their gathering had already passed, and they were once more breaking up into their individual groups. The positions were taken with care, and each made sure they had a partner. As he walked around the perimeter, their leader looked over his gathering. "Everypony is with someone? Good. None should study alone because--" As one, their voices rose. "Friend-- And they were interrupted. "Friendship Is Magic." Nearly three dozen sets of eyes turned, and nearly three dozen jaws dropped. Twilight Sparkle - THE Princess Twilight Sparkle - stood at the edge of the clearing. If any of them said a word, it was drowned out by the crackle of the bonfire and the rapid beating of their hearts. Hesitantly, Twilight took another step closer. "Hello, my friends." That snapped them out of it. The word was magic, dispelling the silence. Mumbled voices conferred, each confirming that THE Princess Twilight Sparkle had just addressed them as 'friend'. At first one bowed to her - and then the others quickly after. "No! No no no." Twilight trotted forward and lifted the nearest pony to his hooves. "Friends don't bow to friends." And yet the rest of them still bowed to her. Even the one she lifted went down again as soon as she let go. Frustration was already starting to rise within the Princess - but, she reminded herself, she had to address this. If not for this group for the future ones. Celestia and Luna had been clear on that much. She'd have to deal with this again, and wasting this first opportunity for direct study would be shameful. So Twilight took a deep breath. "As your goddess," she started, "I hereby order you to stop worshiping me." The congregation froze, looking at one another on confusion. "But if we stop worshiping her, she's not our goddess anymore." "Yeah, then she doesn't have the authority to order us to do things." "So then we could start worshiping her again." "Paradox! It's a logical paradox!" "Calm down, you fools! Can't you see she's testing us?" "Yes! A test! A test of faith!" "Quick, who has a copy of Zeno's we can reference?" "I can't believe She has come to test our faith directly!" "Praise be!" Twilight facehoofed. Oh no. They were the worst kind of cultists. Moving on to Plan C, Twilight wrapped the leader in her magic and pulled him over. "You're in charge here. Get them up - I'm here to talk, and we can't have a conversation when you're all, um..." She looked out at the cult around her. "Worship-y." The leader once more bowed - making Twilight roll her eyes - before he turned to the rest. "She has commanded us, so let us listen to Her words. Come friends, there's no harm here. If She will speak, we should listen." The crowd rumbled uneasily, but slowly obeyed. They came closer, sitting in a loose horseshoe around Twilight. She breathed a little easier. Now came the hard part - if only she had brought Spike. A scroll of paper and quill appeared out of the air beside her. "Question one - why worship? Why religion instead of other methods?" Several of the cultists blinked owlishly. One raised a hoof. "....Is this a quiz? I'm bad at quizzes." Twilight smiled as best she could under the weight of this ludicrous situation. "It is, but there's no right or wrong answer. We're friends, right? And friends try to learn more about each other." And use field observation to create a hypothesis for later testing, but they didn't need to know that part. Getting the first one to speak was difficult as they hesitated. "Well. I do it because I used to worship Celestia, but you took over for her so it made sense to change." The dam broke, and the other answers unleashed rapid-fire. "You defeated all those bad guys, so you're a hero!" "I joined thinking this was your fan club and it just got intense from there." "Lemon Wedge over there's my friend and makes a really good fruit salad she brings every week." "We were going to summon the demon Biblios!" "I just don't have anything else to do on Thursday nights, and my neighbors said it would be fun." "You're really hot, and I thought being part of your cult would give me a shot at asking you out! So, um, wanna go out?" Twilight waited patiently for the cacophony to die down and the last of them to get their justifications out. Each one was written down, recorded for her later reference. "Alright, thank you. Let's start from the top." She adjusted the scroll, looking down it. "Whoever said something about summoning a demon? First of all, Biblios isn't real. Second, go over there and sit quietly, you're under arrest. Summoning creatures from beyond is bad. Don't do that." "Aw maaaaaaan." "Off to the side," she scolded. "If this wasn't the middle of the woods I'd have you stand in a corner and think about what you tried to do. As it is, wait quietly and we'll have a conversation with the Royal Guards later." Twilight waited as the shame-faced cultist obeyed. A hoof raised from the crowd, and Twilight nodded to it. "I thought you said there were no right or wrong answers to this." Twilight closed her eyes and took a deep breath before answering. "There are no right or wrong questions for this quiz, but there are wrong answers for life. Summoning creatures from beyond the veil is one of them." She looked around those gathered as they nodded and agreed that was reasonable. "Okay, second! Thank you for saying that I'm attractive but I'm afraid I don't have time for a relationship right now. I'm running a country and I'm in charge of multiple stellar bodies, so dating is going to have to wait." The stallion who had mentioned that motivation perked up. "So you're saying there's a chance later?" "When Tartarus freezes over," Twilight clarified. "Sorry, but you're not my type." A mare several cultists down hopped up and let out a joyous whoop. "HA! IN YOUR FACE! I TOLD YOU SHE DIDN'T SWING THAT WAY!" Once more, Twilight facehoofed. "That's not-- it's because you joined a dark shadow cult instead of speaking to me! That's not a good basis for a relationship!" Her wings fluffed out with frustration (and a brief bit of appreciation for what Cadence probably had to deal with on a regular basis). "Next! The fan club!" Her eyes focused dead on one specific cultist. "Star Tracker, I know that's you. I recognize your voice." "She recognized my voice!" "Star Tracker!" Twilight could already feel her patience wearing away under the tide. "You know better than this, and we already had a friendship lesson about idolizing other ponies and that sort of thing. Also I know you're fully aware of my actual fan club. This is silly, go home." She watched him turn and head out with his head hung low. "Now!" The Princess glanced at her list. "A bunch of you are just here because of friends or because you don't have anything better to do or because of..." She squinted at her own horn-writing. "Fruit salad. You can also go. I appreciate wanting to do things with your friends and to have a hobby, but I'm going to politely ask that you take up bowling or knitting instead of revering me as a goddess. Also, it's honestly a little insulting to be the sort of thing that you do when you don't have anything else to do." "I'll do you when--" Twilight struck the stallion who continued to insist on hitting on her with a stun blast. "Lewd innuendo in public is also not a good way to try and secure a relationship with somepony!" The stunned stallion was quietly carried off by several friends, leaving a crowd much smaller than before. Twilight looked them over with a critical eye, trying to appraise just what she was dealing with. "Those of you who remain... you're the true believers, right? The ones who are part of this because you believe?" Looks were shared between the seven that remained before they nodded as one. "Good! Question two was going to be why me, but I guess that's been sort of covered. Plus, y'know, the whole sun and moon thing. So, um. Question three - if I leave you alone after this, what are you going to do with this, um, organization after I go?" Once more, the cult's leader stepped forward. "We shall take the word of Your great name and spread it across Equ--" Twilight cut him off. "Okay, yeah, no, we're not doing that. No proselytizing, no conversions, definitely no crusades... in fact, here." She floated a second scroll and her quill over to one of the remaining cultists. "We better set down some ground rules." "She shall pronounce Her commandments unto us!" "Praise be!" This was already going wrong. Again. "Just... just write it down." Twilight almost felt like she was begging. "Rule one, no dark magic. Don't be that guy over there." She pointed her hoof at the demon-loving cultist who was still sitting and waiting for Guard pickup. "Rule two, no forcing anypony to believe what you do if they don't want to. Rule three, no sacrificing anything or anypony to me." Twilight halted, then corrected herself. "Anycreature to me." Just in case. "Rule four, um." She bobbled, having already ran out of steam. "Anyway. You get the idea." Those that remained all bowed once more. "Yes! We hear and understand! We shall obey Your commandments and serve you well!" "Good. Be well, my friends!" Twilight stepped back and took to the sky. After flying out of sight, she teleported back to the camouflaged duck blind that had been set up beside the clearing. "Agents." She nodded to the S.M.I.L.E. team that was in place. "You understand your orders, I presume?" The black-suited earth pony mare saluted. "Yes, your Highness. Watch them, record our observations and give you monthly reports on activity. Interfere only on your direct orders so that we preserve the integrity of the experiment." Twilight nodded with a grin. "Wonderful. If everything goes well, we might even be able to get a paper in one of the big name journals about this!" Author's Note You know, in chapter 2 I thought this fic was going to be much more serious and philosophical than I originally intended. Then chapter 3 grabbed the wheel and plowed head-first into the comedy tag. I think I'm okay with that.
ObserveGliding in low over the treetops, Twilight did her best to stay silent. Alerting the crowd below would have grave consequences. A massive bonfire crackled in the middle of them, threatening to ruin her night vision while still casting the cluster of robed figures in flickering shadow. It had just been rumors originally - quiet comments and the barest of murmurs. Official inquires had only sent them deeper to ground. S.M.I.L.E. assets had eventually teased out enough to find the location of this meeting, but little more. To stop the cult from gaining any more traction, they needed information. They needed to find out details. This wasn't a Princess' job, the captain of the guard had said. I need to do something that isn't looking at tax law or I will throw several nobles into the sun, the princess had responded. I think that would be a good thing, had been his counter-point. I could make you a Baron first, had been hers. Which is why she was now coasting on the breeze to spy on a secretive (and likely evil) cult in the wild forest near Foal Mountain. Granted there were two platoons of Royal Guards only a mile away and ready to pounce, but she was the one who was investigating and observing. (And not engaging, the captain had refused to give any ground on that one, the spoilsport.) A low-flying cloud provided the perfect perch for Twilight, letting her settle down within hearing range as the cultists gathered. Dark purple robes blended in with the shadowy forest around, eerily moving in the twilight before Twilight. She was a bit late to the scene - they had already started. The one who stood alone at the northernmost point of the circle continued to speak. "--And so it shall be! Nothing and nopony shall impede our quest! Our sacred duty!" He waved a hoof in the air, motioning to the sky. (And coincidentally, towards the hidden Twilight.) "To open the mysteries of the universe itself and find the path to true magic!" Around the fire, the others in dark purple echoed his words in a refrain. "The path to true magic!" "The secret knowledge shall not be held back from us, my friends. Those who would selfishly hoard it will bow before us at the Altar of Knowledge after they are shown the error of their ways!" And the gathering once more echoed the words. "The Altar of Knowledge!" Twilight's wings twitched. Oh no. They were the worst kind of evil cultists - educated. This was bad. This was really bad. They read books, which meant they had the knowledge to get what they were after. They probably read the wrong books or they wouldn't be an evil cult, but Twilight could appreciate the wisdom of (and danger in) their attempts. The leader stomped a hoof against the hard ground - a chunk of slate was there, possibly placed for this exact purpose. The crack of hoof on stone echoed in the dark. "Now let us begin tonight's work, my friends. I presume that you are all prepared?" Above, Twilight braced. Each of the crowd of cultists pulled an object from their robe - books. She could recognize that much in an instant, though the exact titles were a mystery. A part of Twilight screamed in panic that these obviously evil ponies might burn them. Another part screamed that the light was far too poor for proper reading and they would give themselves eyestrain. There was a firm nod from the leader. "Excellent. You may break into your study groups now. To your places." And the cult obeyed. The circle of ponies shattered, dissolving into eleven smaller clusters. Six evenly spaced around the inside, five more on the outside in a lopsided manner. Twilight frowned at that. Something about that configuration was familiar. Before joining the last group, the leader spoke again. "Everyone has a study partner before we begin reading? Yes? Good. None of you should study alone because--" And as one, the group spoke a chilling refrain. "Friendship Is Magic." Oh no. Those two words were the entirety of Twilight's thoughts. The rest of her brain was locked up in absolute terror. To the Princess' credit, it only took her half a minute to pull herself out of it. And into a panicked dead sprint of deduction. The cult was arranged in eleven groups - a familiar six-pointed star with five smaller ones lopsidedly arranged around it. Deep purple robes. A dedication to knowledge and books. Twilight's mental gears jammed again as she attempted to process what had to be the truth: this was her cult. Or at least one dedicated to her, came the quick stream of mental justifications. She didn't start it and didn't control it so she couldn't really say it was hers and-- And Twilight clamped her eyes shut and counted to ten. She had to keep under control. And she needed time to gather her thoughts. With a quiet burst of wind, the Princess of Friendship lifted away from the cloud and took to the air again. She thankfully wasn't seen, and blessed silence covered her path all the way to the waiting Royal Guards. The leader of the detachment saluted as she landed. "Ready to move in, Your Highness! Just give the word!" His response was thoughtful silence that lasted long enough for nervous unease to sink into the entire contingent. "No," Twilight finally settled on. "Not tonight, Sergeant." She raised her head from her thoughts to meet his eyes. "Have our people continue to keep an eye on the known members of this cult and watch their actions. Before any action is taken, I must consult some important sources of knowledge." A pause - then a quick addition. "To make sure everypony is safe, I mean. I need to research something." The guards didn't look happy - but they understood orders. And as they turned to head home, Twilight took to the skies herself. Not towards Canterlot, but to Silver Shoals. Not many ponies in Equestria could give advice when it came to this. Fortunately, Twilight knew just where to find the most knowledgeable there was. Author's Note Because I'm sure someone will bring it up - you will notice that the Dark tag is not on this story. This is for a reason. This isn't a 'sacrifice ponies to our D̢͎̹̹͍̳̞̘͘͘a̷̧̟̙̰̺̮͈̞r̲k̨͖̤͙̖̥͟ ҉̵͉͙̥̥ͅG̘̹̥͡ǫ̰͈̪͖̩̥͓̀̕ͅͅd̥̫̲̰̀͠s̥̰̙͞' sort of cult, cool?
QuestionIt was technically correct that the former Princesses of Equestria lived in Silver Shoals. The more descriptive statement would be that their retirement villa was inside the township of Silver Shoals, nestled between the shoreline and a steep hill. As she glided in, Twilight couldn't help but be reminded of Canterlot Castle and how the two-towered structure ahead looked just similar enough to evoke the original despite the vast differences in size, location and building material. Finding Celestia was easy enough - missing a massive alicorn sunning herself on the seaward deck would have required being blind. Rather than going to the front door and forcing Celestia to get up to answer it, Twilight simply landed beside her. The former diarch's ear twitched at the sound of hooves on wood, but she let Twilight close the gap. It was only when the younger alicorn stood over her that she spoke. "You're in my light." "It's my light now," came the sassy reply. And both of them broke out into laughter. Celestia rose from the lounge chair, wrapping hooves and wings around her former student. "Twilight, it's so good to see you! It hasn't been that long but I've still missed you so." "I missed you too." Twilight nuzzled her former teacher without even realizing it. "I know I should come around more often to visit, but--" "But duty calls," Celestia completed with a knowing smile. "I believe I may understand that burden." Twilight blushed. "Speaking of burdens, I'm sorry to say this isn't a social call either. I need to ask you and Luna for advice about something." Celestia pulled away from Twilight to turn inside. "You may have to wait a few minutes, then. Luna is currently out doing her rounds but she's due back any time now. A bit of tea while we wait?" Following, Twilight gave a small nod to affirm the question. "Her rounds? Oh! Did Luna become a doctor? No no, it hasn't been long enough for her to finish the schooling. Maybe a nurse though." There was... a rather deep sigh from Celestia at that. "No, Twilight. My sister is not a nurse. She's--" The front door thumped open. Luna came barreling into the kitchen with a broad grin on her face and a dark brown uniform on her body. "Sister! Today was another glorious day in the-- Oh! Greetings, Twilight Sparkle!" The Princess of Friendship stared for a moment. "You're a mailmare?" Celestia's long and belabored sigh confirmed it. "Please don't ask questions. She's enthusiastic about answering them." Luna lofted her cap onto a hook - then stuck her tongue out at her sister. "I'll join both of you in a minute. I just need to change out of my uniform." As the dark alicorn left, the other two turned back to the kitchen table. Celestia floated a plate of scones to the middle before starting the kettle. "I should probably have asked before, Twilight, but how time-sensitive is this matter? You didn't seem in a rush but I know how affairs of state can be." "No, not too much." Twilight lifted a scone in her aura, examining it. Apple-cinnamon, and she knew the particular scent of a Sweet Apple Acres apple by heart at this point. A brief pang of nostalgia ran through her. "From what S.M.I.L.E. was able to figure out, there's another two weeks before the cult meets--" Celestia spun around. "Cult? Did you say a cult?" Twilight frowned deeply. "Yes, I'm afraid. And it gets worse - they appear to be worshiping..." She swallowed roughly, voice full of shame. "Me." Of all the reactions Twilight had been expecting, Celestia letting out a cheerful whoop was not one of them. Nor was the former princess shouting down the hall. "Luna! Hurry up! Twilight has her first cult!" The Royal Canterlot Voice echoed down the hall. "HUZZAH! It is about time!" "What." Twilight stared gormlessly at her old mentor. This didn't make any sense. "It took longer than we had expected," Celestia explained without actually explaining what Twilight cared about. "Though I suppose your area of rule is a bit less showy than ours was." Twilight blinked rapidly, trying to grasp what was going on. "Wait, are you saying that you and Luna had cults? And that you expected I was going to have one too?" Celestia laughed, as a parent laughs when their child first realizes that the parent had once been young too. "Dear Twilight, if you don't have at least one every decade or two you're probably doing something wrong." Before Twilight could question that further, Luna entered with a towel around her neck. "So! Have they yet begun sacrifices in the name of the Great Sparkle? You must give us details." Despite the vast number of wild and confused thoughts going through Twilight's head at that very moment, one of the more unlikely ones was what finally fought to the surface. "Never call me that again," she tensely asked Luna. "You make me sound like Trixie." "The Great and Powerful Trixie," Luna helpfully corrected as she pulled a delicate pink teacup out of the cupboard. Twilight pursed her lips as her face went red, trying not to shout. Celestia broke out laughing again. "Twilight, you really should relax. You seem to think that this is a terrible crisis - it's not. It is, in fact, entirely expected and natural." "So I should just be fine with having a cult worshiping me? Letting them be and doing who knows what in my name?" Twilight pawed the tile uneasily - she didn't like a bit of that thought. "Oh no, you should crush them completely," answered Celestia - much to Twilight's continued confusion. "As brutally and quickly as possible." Luna - who had picked up a scone in the meanwhile - snorted with loud derision. The two sisters appeared about ready to argue - but Twilight interrupted them first. "Can you two please start from the beginning? I'm completely lost here. I just found there's a dark cult that worships me and reads books in the woods, and you're both excited?" Luna, instead of helping, started to giggle. "Reads books in the woods. That's so you." Celestia cut in before Twilight could work herself up worse. "Setting that aside for the moment, the reason my sister and I are as relaxed about this as we are is because it's perfectly normal. Consider it from the average pony's perspective - we're immortal beings of unique appearance and with great enough magical power that we have control over celestial bodies and the forces of the cosmos. Is it any surprise that some ponies would see us as divine figures?" "In the old days," Luna said, sitting across from Twilight, "When Equestria had just begun, it wasn't uncommon. We never encouraged such things, but nor did we shy away from it. By the time of my banishment, both of us had followers of a significant size." She paused before adding, "As did Starswirl." Quickly, Celestia interrupted with a correction. "Starswirl had a number of students who worshiped the ground he walked on in the more traditional sense." "Wizard groupies," Luna smarmily clarified. Twilight blushed and decided to look intently at her scone. "Your idol's proclivity to collect swooning students aside, the worship of an alicorn was simply a thing that happened at the time." "Until Nightmare Moon," Twilight half-questioned. She had a guess about where this was going. Celestia nodded. "Yes. Until Nightmare Moon." Things went awkwardly silent - only to be finally broken by the kettle. All three startled at the noise, but it was enough to shatter the somber introspection. Celestia lifted the kettle from the burner and continued. "After the banishment, many of Luna's followers turned down a dark path. I tried for a time to steer them from it, but most would not be swayed. Just as with Luna, the good intentions and reasonable points behind their actions became twisted." The eldest alicorn paused, leaning over to hug her sister. Luna's previous joviality had drained away and been replaced by shame. It was smothered completely under a second hug as Twilight came around the table to join in. In time, the three broke apart and Celestia poured out the tea before picking up the tale once more. "In the end I had little choice but to crush those who worshiped the Nightmare. A few who had fallen too far were placed into Tartarus, but most thankfully went back to quieter lives once I had disbanded their organizations and handed out more lenient punishments." She paused to sip her tea. "The experience soured me on being worshiped as a whole. I'm still a pony - and what happened with Luna reminded me of how fallible I am. It took several generations, but I broke apart those who followed me as well." "Soooooo you both had cults that worshiped you but you broke them up because you didn't like having an ego?" Twilight cocked her head to the side, trying to make sure that she was taking the proper moral from this. "And that such things will go bad," Celestia noted. "Can go bad," was Luna's correction. "Will," came the quick counter. And Celestia sighed. "As you can see, Twilight, we've had a long-standing disagreement about this since Luna's return. She feels that there is no harm in such worship - that it is merely a way for ponies to express themselves and their views." Luna picked up another scone and spread a bit of clotted cream on it. "And she is of the mind that even the ones formed with best intentions are corruptible and in time inevitably slide towards darkness." She popped a chunk of baked good into her mouth - and continued despite the heinous etiquette violation. "Thus 'tis better to break them early, before that path can be trod." Twilight looked back and forth between the two former Princesses, a frown etched deep on her face. She had been hoping for advice, but this wasn't helping. "...What about Cadence? She's an alicorn too, when did she have to deal with this?" "Your sister-in-law found a third path which, I fear, would not work for you." Celestia shook her head gently. "She chose to steer the cult she found by portraying herself as an avatar of the Crystal Heart. She became merely the stand-in for it and their worship strengthens the Heart and thus her Empire." That did seem like a very Cadence way to handle things, but Celestia was right. That didn't help Twilight very much. She didn't have a massively powerful artifact that fed off of love to aim the cult at. Unless she did.... "Well, they like books. So what if I--" Celestia cut in before that thought could be completed. "Twilight, I want you to think back to your singular overdue book and the adventure you had returning it. Now imagine how that would have gone if the library were staffed by religious fanatics who consider each book a sacred object." Barely able to suppress her snickers, Luna added, "Imagine the late fees!" Twilight's face fell. "My advice," Celestia offered, "Is to squash this one immediately. If you decide to take a different approach later, I assure you from experience that another will appear in due time. But you are unprepared to deal with this now, my former student. And I know you're never happy with making a large choice that you rush into without proper..." She smirked with amusement. "Research." Luna waved half a scone at Twilight. "And my advice is to leave them be. You are the Princess of Friendship - to go in and punish ponies for having an enthusiastic hobby of their own free will is anathema to who you are. You will grow used to adoration in time, Twilight. There is no avoiding it in the role you have chosen. Accept it with grace and use your position to steer them true." Letting out a deep sigh, Twilight nodded. "Thank you - both of you. You've both given me a lot to think about. I'm sorry that I disturbed your retirement for something like--" "Twilight, if you think you're about to leave and brood about this you are sorely mistaken." Celestia poked her purple friend with her teacup. "You've dealt with business, and now I fully expect you to stay for lunch and tell Luna and I all about how things have been for you lately." Slinging a companionable wing across Twilight, Luna beamed. "Indeed! You have been most lax with your letters and we demand a full accounting of how all of our friends in Canterlot and Ponyville have been doing." And just like that, the threatening malaise lifted from Twilight's brightening face. "I suppose it would be rude if I didn't. Rarity practically demanded I pass along her well-wishes next time I saw you." "Do so. And tell us as well of the Apple newlyweds!" Luna winked playfully. "I am most curious how they have settled in." And so the next few hours passed just as Twilight liked them - with friends. Author's Note This fic as a whole has gone a bit more serious than I had originally expected it to. I will never apologize for Mailmare Luna, however.
TestIn the dark of night, ponies gathered around the bonfire. Deep purple robes shrouded them all, concealing identity even from each other. The opening of their gathering had already passed, and they were once more breaking up into their individual groups. The positions were taken with care, and each made sure they had a partner. As he walked around the perimeter, their leader looked over his gathering. "Everypony is with someone? Good. None should study alone because--" As one, their voices rose. "Friend-- And they were interrupted. "Friendship Is Magic." Nearly three dozen sets of eyes turned, and nearly three dozen jaws dropped. Twilight Sparkle - THE Princess Twilight Sparkle - stood at the edge of the clearing. If any of them said a word, it was drowned out by the crackle of the bonfire and the rapid beating of their hearts. Hesitantly, Twilight took another step closer. "Hello, my friends." That snapped them out of it. The word was magic, dispelling the silence. Mumbled voices conferred, each confirming that THE Princess Twilight Sparkle had just addressed them as 'friend'. At first one bowed to her - and then the others quickly after. "No! No no no." Twilight trotted forward and lifted the nearest pony to his hooves. "Friends don't bow to friends." And yet the rest of them still bowed to her. Even the one she lifted went down again as soon as she let go. Frustration was already starting to rise within the Princess - but, she reminded herself, she had to address this. If not for this group for the future ones. Celestia and Luna had been clear on that much. She'd have to deal with this again, and wasting this first opportunity for direct study would be shameful. So Twilight took a deep breath. "As your goddess," she started, "I hereby order you to stop worshiping me." The congregation froze, looking at one another on confusion. "But if we stop worshiping her, she's not our goddess anymore." "Yeah, then she doesn't have the authority to order us to do things." "So then we could start worshiping her again." "Paradox! It's a logical paradox!" "Calm down, you fools! Can't you see she's testing us?" "Yes! A test! A test of faith!" "Quick, who has a copy of Zeno's we can reference?" "I can't believe She has come to test our faith directly!" "Praise be!" Twilight facehoofed. Oh no. They were the worst kind of cultists. Moving on to Plan C, Twilight wrapped the leader in her magic and pulled him over. "You're in charge here. Get them up - I'm here to talk, and we can't have a conversation when you're all, um..." She looked out at the cult around her. "Worship-y." The leader once more bowed - making Twilight roll her eyes - before he turned to the rest. "She has commanded us, so let us listen to Her words. Come friends, there's no harm here. If She will speak, we should listen." The crowd rumbled uneasily, but slowly obeyed. They came closer, sitting in a loose horseshoe around Twilight. She breathed a little easier. Now came the hard part - if only she had brought Spike. A scroll of paper and quill appeared out of the air beside her. "Question one - why worship? Why religion instead of other methods?" Several of the cultists blinked owlishly. One raised a hoof. "....Is this a quiz? I'm bad at quizzes." Twilight smiled as best she could under the weight of this ludicrous situation. "It is, but there's no right or wrong answer. We're friends, right? And friends try to learn more about each other." And use field observation to create a hypothesis for later testing, but they didn't need to know that part. Getting the first one to speak was difficult as they hesitated. "Well. I do it because I used to worship Celestia, but you took over for her so it made sense to change." The dam broke, and the other answers unleashed rapid-fire. "You defeated all those bad guys, so you're a hero!" "I joined thinking this was your fan club and it just got intense from there." "Lemon Wedge over there's my friend and makes a really good fruit salad she brings every week." "We were going to summon the demon Biblios!" "I just don't have anything else to do on Thursday nights, and my neighbors said it would be fun." "You're really hot, and I thought being part of your cult would give me a shot at asking you out! So, um, wanna go out?" Twilight waited patiently for the cacophony to die down and the last of them to get their justifications out. Each one was written down, recorded for her later reference. "Alright, thank you. Let's start from the top." She adjusted the scroll, looking down it. "Whoever said something about summoning a demon? First of all, Biblios isn't real. Second, go over there and sit quietly, you're under arrest. Summoning creatures from beyond is bad. Don't do that." "Aw maaaaaaan." "Off to the side," she scolded. "If this wasn't the middle of the woods I'd have you stand in a corner and think about what you tried to do. As it is, wait quietly and we'll have a conversation with the Royal Guards later." Twilight waited as the shame-faced cultist obeyed. A hoof raised from the crowd, and Twilight nodded to it. "I thought you said there were no right or wrong answers to this." Twilight closed her eyes and took a deep breath before answering. "There are no right or wrong questions for this quiz, but there are wrong answers for life. Summoning creatures from beyond the veil is one of them." She looked around those gathered as they nodded and agreed that was reasonable. "Okay, second! Thank you for saying that I'm attractive but I'm afraid I don't have time for a relationship right now. I'm running a country and I'm in charge of multiple stellar bodies, so dating is going to have to wait." The stallion who had mentioned that motivation perked up. "So you're saying there's a chance later?" "When Tartarus freezes over," Twilight clarified. "Sorry, but you're not my type." A mare several cultists down hopped up and let out a joyous whoop. "HA! IN YOUR FACE! I TOLD YOU SHE DIDN'T SWING THAT WAY!" Once more, Twilight facehoofed. "That's not-- it's because you joined a dark shadow cult instead of speaking to me! That's not a good basis for a relationship!" Her wings fluffed out with frustration (and a brief bit of appreciation for what Cadence probably had to deal with on a regular basis). "Next! The fan club!" Her eyes focused dead on one specific cultist. "Star Tracker, I know that's you. I recognize your voice." "She recognized my voice!" "Star Tracker!" Twilight could already feel her patience wearing away under the tide. "You know better than this, and we already had a friendship lesson about idolizing other ponies and that sort of thing. Also I know you're fully aware of my actual fan club. This is silly, go home." She watched him turn and head out with his head hung low. "Now!" The Princess glanced at her list. "A bunch of you are just here because of friends or because you don't have anything better to do or because of..." She squinted at her own horn-writing. "Fruit salad. You can also go. I appreciate wanting to do things with your friends and to have a hobby, but I'm going to politely ask that you take up bowling or knitting instead of revering me as a goddess. Also, it's honestly a little insulting to be the sort of thing that you do when you don't have anything else to do." "I'll do you when--" Twilight struck the stallion who continued to insist on hitting on her with a stun blast. "Lewd innuendo in public is also not a good way to try and secure a relationship with somepony!" The stunned stallion was quietly carried off by several friends, leaving a crowd much smaller than before. Twilight looked them over with a critical eye, trying to appraise just what she was dealing with. "Those of you who remain... you're the true believers, right? The ones who are part of this because you believe?" Looks were shared between the seven that remained before they nodded as one. "Good! Question two was going to be why me, but I guess that's been sort of covered. Plus, y'know, the whole sun and moon thing. So, um. Question three - if I leave you alone after this, what are you going to do with this, um, organization after I go?" Once more, the cult's leader stepped forward. "We shall take the word of Your great name and spread it across Equ--" Twilight cut him off. "Okay, yeah, no, we're not doing that. No proselytizing, no conversions, definitely no crusades... in fact, here." She floated a second scroll and her quill over to one of the remaining cultists. "We better set down some ground rules." "She shall pronounce Her commandments unto us!" "Praise be!" This was already going wrong. Again. "Just... just write it down." Twilight almost felt like she was begging. "Rule one, no dark magic. Don't be that guy over there." She pointed her hoof at the demon-loving cultist who was still sitting and waiting for Guard pickup. "Rule two, no forcing anypony to believe what you do if they don't want to. Rule three, no sacrificing anything or anypony to me." Twilight halted, then corrected herself. "Anycreature to me." Just in case. "Rule four, um." She bobbled, having already ran out of steam. "Anyway. You get the idea." Those that remained all bowed once more. "Yes! We hear and understand! We shall obey Your commandments and serve you well!" "Good. Be well, my friends!" Twilight stepped back and took to the sky. After flying out of sight, she teleported back to the camouflaged duck blind that had been set up beside the clearing. "Agents." She nodded to the S.M.I.L.E. team that was in place. "You understand your orders, I presume?" The black-suited earth pony mare saluted. "Yes, your Highness. Watch them, record our observations and give you monthly reports on activity. Interfere only on your direct orders so that we preserve the integrity of the experiment." Twilight nodded with a grin. "Wonderful. If everything goes well, we might even be able to get a paper in one of the big name journals about this!" Author's Note You know, in chapter 2 I thought this fic was going to be much more serious and philosophical than I originally intended. Then chapter 3 grabbed the wheel and plowed head-first into the comedy tag. I think I'm okay with that.
