“What’s taking her so long?” Collar mused, glancing from Rosemary to Cloudy and back again, the latter having arrived in the last half an hour to spend the time whispering to Rosemary and giggling while he worked over the reports of harvests. A delightfully mundane task that didn’t involve any clandestine musings.

Tally the bushels, compare them to last year’s yields for the same farmsteads, and then add the totals up to compare to the same day last year. Simple, rote math.

And utterly boring. At least listening to the two mares whisper and giggle about the goings on of their younger years together, and Rosemary caught her up to the past two years of news and gossip from Merrie and their friend groups.

It, too, was delightfully mundane.

It made the reason why Lace and Dapper were cloistered with Rosewater all the more suspicious. They’d been in his mother’s office for over an hour, according to Cloudy, and the guard at the door had steadfastly refused her entry at Lace’s command.

Are they actually negotiating? It wouldn’t be beyond the scope of their agreement for that to happen if Rosewater felt like things weren’t going well.

Except, from her perspective…

He frowned down at the figures, sighed, and blotted away the ink of a mistake with a wet cloth, leaving behind a faint black smear that he wrote the correct value for the sum from the Sickle farmstead.

Just as he was about to continue on with the tally from the Hornblower farmstead, the door opened and admitted Rosewater and Dapper, the latter leaning against the former’s shoulder more companionably than he’d have thought possible not ten seconds ago. And yet, there was his father offering comfort for the mare, his attention all on her until they were inside the office.

She looked… rough. Not in her appearance, which was impeccable, but around her eyes and cheeks. Almost gaunt and that after she’d looked hale and hearty when he’d met her. Like she’d gotten news that sompony had died.

Did she? Did Lace hear something, and that’s why she wanted to talk to Rosewater alone?

It would be one explanation, and a dozen more raced through his thoughts before Rosemary interrupted them with a gasp and launched herself across the room to wrap her forelegs around Rosewater’s neck.

Cloudy took a steadier approach and stopped at Collar’s side. “Do you know what happened?” she asked softly.

“No.” He glanced to his father for an explanation, and Dapper did come closer, but was already shaking his head. “What happened? Was there news?”

That earned him a sharp look, then another small shake of the head. “News more than two decades late, I’m afraid, if you could call it that.” Dapper glanced back at the mare seeming to try and keep from breaking into tears and dropped what else he’d been about to say, visibly changing course. “I think she’s had enough blows today. If she’s up to it, she can tell you what was said.”

The unspoken, ‘but don’t push too hard,’ flowed through his tone.

Cloudy leaned harder against Collar’s shoulder for a moment more, then slipped past Dapper with a kiss to the cheek and a nuzzle along his neck to offer her silent support to Rosewater while Rosemary obviously tried to prize free details of what had happened.

Collar dropped a small silence around himself and his father. “What happened?”

“Son,” Dapper said with a strained smile, “that’s not for me to tell. That wasn’t just for her ears. Suffice to say she’s been hurt, but I’ve done what I could. Let her deal with it first.”

“Something did happen, then. Was it Carnation?” Dread filled Collar’s belly at the thought. The mare was as close to a mother as Rosewater had ever had. If she lost that link…

“Not directly, no. Stop digging, Collar. You won’t get anything out of me today.” Dapper’s voice, harder than his customary light cheer, warned as much as the words. “It’s truly a private matter. Even by Merrie standards.”

Collar dropped the shield, watching the tableau as Rosemary listened to something Rosewater whispered to her, inaudible to him even though she didn’t silence herself.

“I’ve delivered you, my dear,” Dapper said with a cheer in his voice. “Please do see me again before you head home, won’t you?”

Rosewater raised her head, a modicum of the dazedness falling away as she smiled and nodded. “Of course, Dapper. And… thank you again.” Her eyes flicked to Collar and away again. “For everything.”

Doesn’t that just mean almost anything.

“Of course, my dear. If there’s anything else you want to know, you know where to find me. Might be there’s some tidbit I forgot that I’ll remember by your next visit.” Dapper bowed once, wings extending as if to a noble of equal or higher status, and departed.

Rosewater watched the door for another long moment, Rosemary settled in beside her. Finally, she spoke, “I’m afraid I may have to beg off any in depth discussions today, my lord.” Her voice was solemn, steady, but she wouldn’t meet his eyes. “My…”

Rosemary shook her head slowly and leaned more heavily against her. “What happened? What did they say?”

What I’d like to know, Collar thought, but didn’t press just yet.

“It’s…” Rosewater did glance at him this time, a question in her eyes, almost a demand, before they fell away again. “Later, Rosemary. Lord Collar and I have some things to discuss.”

“But…” Rosemary looked into her mother’s eyes for a long moment, almost nose to nose with her as some communication Collar couldn’t even begin to grasp passed between them. “Take care of yourself, mother. It was good to—”

“I’ll see you with Lord Dapper before I leave, my dear heart,” Rosewater broke in with a tired smile. “I promise I won’t leave before I tell you a-at least a little. You deserve that much. And more… for all the support you’ve given me.” Something in her seemed to crumble, and tears came to her eyes. “I hope I’ve been a good mother to you, Rosemary.”

“Stars above, you have!” Rosemary sat and clasped her mother’s cheeks between her hooves and brought her down, nose-to-nose. “You always made time for me, never thought I was being silly when I asked you a question. You love me. You’re not your mother, and you never will be.”

Rosewater’s eyes lifted briefly to Collar’s, a pleading there, a need to be told she wasn’t Roseate.

He thought he could understand her fear, the thoughts that must have been going through her mind. All the ponies she’d captured on her mother’s behalf. All for a purpose that had been ultimately futile.

“You are not her,” Collar said. I don’t know who you are, but you’re not Roseate. Given the focus again, Collar stood and nuzzled Cloudy, nipping her ear. “I’ll see you soon. Go plan… whatever it is you’re planning.”

“It’s a secret,” Cloudy said with a wink. “But don’t worry. I’ve already checked your calendar. And booked the secret out as ‘Secret Plan’ so you’re not surprised.”

“That’s not how secrets work,” Collar replied, unable to keep a smile from his lips. “What’s stopping me from checking my calendar?”

“Mmm. Well, like many things in Merrie, the joy is not in the surprise, but in the execution.” Cloudy nipped his nose and hopped back a step, her expression turning again as she caught sight of Rosewater’s uncertain smile, and winked.

What that meant, he had no idea, but perhaps he didn’t need to pursue it. Knowing Rosemary, if she’d had any part in the planning it would be written in as “Secret” on his calendar and his only expectation would be that something would happen, even if he wasn’t sure what.

When they left, leaving Rosewater sitting there staring at the door, Collar retook his seat, careful not to get comfortable, and left the reports still in place on his desk. They were all about her, and if she had any questions about where she’d been…

“I… apologize,” Rosewater said at last, her eyes sweeping over his desk in a second and not pausing until they found a point somewhere to the left of his head. “I’m not…” She took a deep breath and seemed to marshall herself to meet his eyes. “I’m not myself today. ”

“What… did my mother want to discuss with you?” Collar asked gently.

She shook her head. “I… wanted to talk to you about our outing, Collar. I want to think about what’s going to happen soon, not—”

Not what happened in the past? He almost asked it, stopped himself, and stepped down from his chair to sit in front of her. They were nearly the same height. Whatever strange quirk of lineage had lent them both tall parents had seen that those parents had given their children complimentary genes. Dapper was of a height with Roseate, and Lace was… or had been of a height with Blue Star. At least, that’s what he’d been able to glean.

“I was planning on bringing a brace of Dammerale. Two each of four different brews. Light, dark, bitter, and raw.” He twitched an ear when she didn’t give much of a response. “Some cheeses to go with them, and… I wasn’t sure what else to bring.”

Her ears perked suddenly, as if she’d just realized they were trying to have a conversation. “Stew? Maybe? With some rolls? I think that’s common fare to go with ale and cheese, isn’t it?” Some life came back to her as she considered the possibilities. “What’s your favorite meal to go with something like that?”

“Whoa now, meal?” Collar grinned and shook his head. “I may be able to find my way around a kitchen alright, but around a campsite?”

“It’s not so hard, you know. Make it here, or have it made here, and take the pot and enough firewood with you.” Her ears ticked slightly and she smiled. “Or driftwood. I’m told the salt-saturated wood gives off an interesting scent when used as fuel.”

Collar wrinkled his nose. “Define interesting.”

Rosewater laughed, the darkness that had seemed to swallow her disappearing for an instant and setting an unexpected glow into his own heart. “Interesting in that I’ve only heard conjecture, Collar. I’ve not been brave enough to try it myself.”

“And you’re willing to risk that on our date?”

Her eyes widened in surprise. “Date, Collar?”

He considered the word again, then the mare he’d gotten to know over the past two weeks. The mare that Cloudy had said she could love. Could love. Not did.

“What are we doing, Rosewater? With these… outings. Dates.” He didn’t want to upset her further, but keeping her focused on the now seemed better than asking her about… whatever his mother had said to her. Did that conversation have anything to do with our ‘courtship?’ He almost asked her if what had been said had anything to do with their dance.

If it had, would she have come here at all, looking so haggard and dazed?

She seemed similarly lost in thought, and for a moment, she seemed to almost fall inward before she straightened, stood, and took another step closer before sitting again. She was inside the reach of her long, graceful neck to reach him, but she merely arched it to look at him more closely.

“Whatever we want to do with them, Collar. I want to get to know you better. I… know now that I had chances. I had opportunities to get to know you when I was only a filly. I didn’t take them, and I didn’t reach out.” She took a deep breath, tears in her eyes again as she squeezed them tight shut. “I didn’t. I should have, but…” When she opened her eyes again, her pink and gold eyes shimmered. “I am now.”

There was more there, hidden underneath the signs of emotional trauma. Quietly, Collar asked, “Is that what you talked with my mother about?”

She flinched, shook her head, nodded, then shook her head again, her ears flat. “No.” Her throat hitched as she took in a deep breath, let it out, and added, “We… talked.” She seemed about to say more, but her eyes darted to the door, then to the floor. “I like seafood stews,” she said after a moment’s more consideration of the rug. “But if that doesn’t go with any of the ales, cheeses, and breads, I’m really open for anything, Collar. I want to know what you like, I want to learn more about you, all I can that you’ll let me know.”

The velocity of the words picked up until they were almost a rush at the end, as if fleeing the prior topic.

“As it so happens,” he said in a genial tone he didn’t completely feel, “I quite like seafood stews, and while the stews that go well with my favorite ales are on the salty and savory side, I think you’ll enjoy them.”

“Should I bring anything?”

“Just yourself,” Collar said, then hesitated before leaning forward and bumping his nose against her neck. “Are you okay? Do you want to talk about what… whatever my parents told you?”

She leaned into the touch, brief as it was, and almost reached out to return it, stopping herself halfway there and hesitating before returning to her sitting position. “What…” She stopped, chewing her lip and staring into his eyes, studying him for what, he didn’t know. When she didn’t seem to find it, she shook her head. “You were too young, just as I was, to understand what it was the older ponies in our lives were up to.”

“It’s okay to open up, Rosewater,” Collar replied, raising a hoof and setting it lightly against her breast. “You’ve opened up to us already. We know about your relationship with Rosemary, we know you have a heart that you keep secret for what you believe are good reasons.”

Her eyes flashed as she stiffened, her jaw clenching, setting, then relaxing as she looked away. “They are good reasons,” she murmured. But she leaned into the hoof against her breast. Minutely, but enough to put pressure on his foreleg. “But I need to think, Collar. It…” She swallowed and bent her neck to rest her cheek against the side of his leg.

He let her, holding his hoof steady as the warmth of her soft cheek suffused his limb. He also didn’t interrupt her thinking.

“It changed much of what I knew when I was a filly,” Rosewater said at last, her voice buzzing against his coat. “I… I need time to think. And contextualize what happened.” When she raised her head, her eyes were clearer, her intent more steady, and she settled her foreleg over his, holding his hoof close for a second longer, then pushing down and capturing it in the crook of her ankle. “But thank you for the offer.”

“It’s an open-ended offer,” he replied softly, catching her foreleg before she could lower it all the way to the floor and squeezing lightly, ankle to ankle. “I don’t want a friend of mine to suffer needlessly if I can help her. Even if it’s only to lend an ear.”

“Friend of yours…” Her smile came back, bright and hopeful, then moderated, but still lingered in the way her lips pressed together, hardly suppressed at all. “Thank you, Collar.”

She left after that, leaving Collar to sit and wonder just what kind of surprise his parents had sprung on her that had hurt her so much, yet made her contemplative.

He made a mental note to ask them later.

By the time Rosewater appeared with Dapper at her side, she was already back behind the walls that she had erected over the decades that Rosemary had known her. Brick-by-brick, they’d gone up, never intended to keep Rosemary out, but no less effective at that. Even so, it was easy to recognize the self-protective nature of the emotional bulwark.

“Mother,” Rosemary murmured after checking the gemstones holding the silence in the room still had enough charge. “Did you have a good talk with Collar?”

Rosewater nodded and glanced aside to Cloudy, lounging on Rosemary’s bed with a half-lidded gaze speaking to the guarded reaction she’d had to Rosewater’s earlier traumatized mien. She had been more for pushing Rosewater out of her comfort zone, and it had taken all of Rosemary’s persuasive skills to convince her to let it lie for now. Rosewater needed a chance to adjust. She was strong when it came to dealing with things unchanging, but she needed time and encouragement to adjust when things took sharp turns.

They clearly had, even if Rosemary had no idea what might have thrown her for such a loop.

“I did,” Rosewater said after a moment of searching her face and Cloudy’s for the mood of the room. “Collar was very generous, and we managed to hammer out some more details for our… our date.”

Rosemary felt her brows climbing up her brow and she glanced back at Cloudy to catch the other mare’s reaction—a pleased, self-satisfied smile and more attentive look. What did you two talk about? “He called it a date?”

“He… was ambivalent about calling it a date, but we did decide on dinner.” Rosewater’s smile was brighter, less fragile now. There was still a haunted look in her eyes that Rosemary was certain neither Cloudy nor Dapper could recognize. It was the same look Rosewater had had in the days and months after Carnation had been taken from them, the facade of strength for Rosemary’s sake hiding vulnerability and fear for her. “It’s on the beach west of town, just south of the cliffs.”

Dapper chuckled and nuzzled Rosewater’s shoulder. “That’s a good spot. We took him there as a colt to watch the ships sail out of port in the spring and summer. It’s a special spot for him, and well enough away from the city to avoid most attention.” He bobbed his head and turned away. “I’ll leave the mares courting him alone to plot and plan.”

Rosemary laughed and danced forward to nip the elder pegasi’s ear… or tried to. She found her own ear nipped as the more agile pony danced out of the way and fuzzled her mane before dancing to the door.

“You mares have some planning to do that I’m not supposed to be privy to.” He winked and slipped out before Rosemary could do more than stare at him incredulously. The ‘date’ Cloudy had asked for her help with had hardly been a thought before that afternoon.

“How did he know?” Cloudy asked, voicing Rosemary’s unspoken thoughts. “Stars above, I only asked you yesterday.”

Rosewater glanced at both of them, some of the ache in her eyes washing away for a moment as she smiled. “The ways of Dapper are many and varied.”

“They are,” Rosemary murmured, glancing at Rosewater again and wondering if her mother knew anything about what they were planning. It was supposed to be a surprise to her, too, a way to get her hoof more in the door. “Now…” She sat herself down by Cloudy. “We have some things to plan for Cloudy’s date with Collar.”

“With Collar?” Rosewater’s voice rose, surprised, into a laugh. “Oh my. Is he really that far along?”

Cloudy cleared her throat. “He’s not. I wanted…” She scuffed a hoof against the carpet. “I wanted to show him what it would be like to have others cheering on his romance. To have his other ‘lovers’ show their support for our relationship.” A hoof tapped against her breast and she glanced in the direction Collar’s office was. “Just like I would hope he would support yours and mine, Rosemary. And yours with me, Rosewater.”

Rosewater’s eyes lidded for a moment as she took a deep breath, a sign to Rosemary that she was putting whatever had hurt her so badly back into a box. When she opened her eyes, it was almost a relief to see the clearness of thought in her mother’s gold and pink eyes.

“What do you need from me?”

Rosemary chuckled and made a note to pry more firmly the next time. “Well…” She settled in and laid out the list of things she wanted from Merrie, hopeful that Rosewater would be able to make them ‘find’ their way into Damme.

Days passed after Rosewater’s visit to Damme for her formal treaty negotiation. Dazed, not a little bit confused, Rosewater avoided discussing what happened at the palace with a vehemence that had some of her friends in the Garden questioning behind her back what was going on, and whether or not they should try to intervene.

It was heartening to hear, as much as it should have annoyed her that they were trying to interfere in her plans, but she pushed the concerns aside and pushed ahead to show them that she really was okay.

She spent more time writing in her journal in her perfumery, not writing to Carnation, though she ought to at least pen a letter—even if she couldn’t send anymore. Firelight had been explicit in that. Only one letter.

She understood the need for discretion. More, even a small fraction of the dozens of letters she’d written and never sent would have drawn suspicion somewhere. But one… just one letter tucked in among the diplomatic reports and other mail that had to go back to Canterlot wouldn’t be noticed.

The letters were a sign of her intent and her devotion to Carnation’s memory, keeping her informed, keeping in touch with the closest pony she’d ever had to a mother. That feeling, too, was changing. She could feel it day-by-day as the weight of what Lace had offered her settled in to weigh on her soul and seep into the cracks in her bastion of calm, cool reason.

The book called to her, too, and her longing in the night to know what it said proved to her the wisdom of leaving it behind. For now. It’d been safe for years unknown to her, and Lace had kept her agents’ confidence and promise. She would measure herself out. Keep herself from descending into the devouring need to know what her father had wanted to tell her.

She could all too easily see where that would lead if she let herself wallow in the grief of knowing that they were words that he would never say in his strong, father’s voice.

Before she went back and faced her father’s words again, she needed…

Carnation’s letter called to her again, the letter she wanted to beg Firelight to send… once she figured out how to ask her why she’d kept her father’s words from her. Why her father had wanted to keep them from her. So many why’s. Too many to voice. Too many accusations that she wasn’t sure were fair, that she couldn’t know the truth of until Carnation could ask her.

If she could even convince Firelight to get the letter to her, she would have to get herself exiled at the very least to get a swift answer. Or she would need to win the barony for herself and claim the power of pardon for herself.

“Now you’re getting ahead of yourself,” Rosewater murmured to the silent workshop.

Tomorrow, she was supposed to go on a date with Collar again, remarkably quick, but… it would give her a chance to also smuggle at least a few of the things she’d had a chance to create for Cloudy’s date with Collar. The rest, she’d need some help with. She could have had it all done before today, but she’d tried to even avoid going to the Garden. More to avoid the inevitable questions from Bliss and Dazzle, two ponies who’d become so very dear to her heart.

Seed, Petal, and Roselyn would have their own questions about her mood, and Seed especially would worry about her backsliding. She knew it.

As it was, she was going to face questions and a more strident pull from all of them to come live at the Garden full time, be a Gardener as the Merrie parlance would name her. Not be alone in the great drafty estate Rosefire had gifted Carnation so many years ago.

She still did the housekeeping chores that needed doing, made sure that the wards didn’t waver, that the gemstones that fueled them remained filled, but her pantry was getting bare. Rosemary usually did the shopping for groceries, dictating more than Rosewater what they were going to eat that week. She wasn’t going to starve by any means, but…

Too many things were crowding in on her that she couldn’t handle at the estate. Memories of visiting Carnation with her father, little snatches of not-quite words that she heard in memories too faint for her to even be sure they were memories and not hallucinations or dream fragments.

They came to her at night, when it was quiet, when the wind started to sing against the tiles on the roof and hiss past the windows.

“Get a hold of yourself,” Rosewater murmured. She still had to finish the petals Cloudy wanted, and she needed to push herself to visit the garden for the candles Rosemary wanted. And I need to think of something to contribute myself.

Something to eat or drink, perhaps. Her and Collar’s relationship seemed, so far, to be revolving around the foods of each city, a logical enough place to start a relationship. Food was something everypony had in common. Food… was also something he would recognize as her contribution.

Or wine. Wine. From Rosewine Vineyard. Something… special.

It would have to be something that he wanted, that stood out when it came time to share drinks. Before the petals came into play.

Maybe she could steer their conversation towards favorite flavours and wines tomorrow. It would be fresh enough in his mind that he would know whom it had come from. That was at least as important as the fact that she’d helped.

Purpose also helped her push aside the grief. She needed to plan, both her route to the beach and how she would bring up wine.

It was going to be another late night, but…

She wouldn’t be spending the night at the Rosefire estate. She would go home, where the last of the family that she loved lived, because Seed was family. Distant family, but he didn’t insist on calling her auntie for no reason.

Author's Note

This is an entirely new chapter, setting up the second date and Collar's date with Cloudy, the first date they've had that's supported by all the ponies interested in them.