Fluttercordespondence

by Syeekoh

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Fluttershy
Length: 1025

Fluttershy and Discord exchange letters.

Discord and Fluttershy exchange letters.

Happy Valentine's Day to all who read this!

... and those who don't, I guess.

Published 2020-02-14 16:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-02-14 16:50:01 UTC

It's that kind of day, yeah.

I'd kill for the scent of your eau d'warmth
The fleeting fragrance of animals in heat
Not you, for sakes, that would be improper
And inconsistent with friendship complete

Not really, I guess, if the geese are example
Especially that gander—I'm getting off track
The point is your hair is a roseate ocean
Upon a dandelion coat that takes me aback

But what is physicality but a statistical abnormality
Because if you looked like me then—I don't know
I do love myself like—what rhymes with self?
It doesn't matter under your corpulent glow

Just to be clear, I'm not calling you fat
Just that you have an ish that I can't quite define
And I won't question its largeness, because it is quite big
Just that you and me fit by design

Oh, what irony! A creature of chaos!
Whose zigs and zags define who they are!
Has found a constant, purely by accident!
A sort of mark unremovable—a scar

But a happy little scar! One that makes you look cool!
Like a slash over one of your eyes
Doesn't quite make you blind—just misses the orb
But it's a portent of complexity belied

Does that make sense? I'm not sure that it does
Maybe I should have written in a freer verse
But a poem done right is a poem worth doing
My fondness for you is both blessing and curse

So anyway Fluttershy, how do you do?
Asking as if you'll actually respond
This is written, not spoken! Should it be spoken?
Or maybe we can just correspond

I'll write this for you, and you write me back
… no, that doesn't make sense. None at all!
I just pop in your place whenever I want.
And I do, to see my moll!

I'll assume you're okay if you're reading this thing
This silly little thing which I wrote 'cause I could
Because it's Hearts and Hooves day, and though I lack a heart
I do have a hoof, so write you I should!

I'll send it by post, give it to the office
Although they might question why I'm using their—

(Discord quit writing as soon as he realized he was rambling while writing)

Hi
Discord
I got your poem
Very poignant and powerful
It cockled my shells and silvered my day
I cruised through your deft trawlings like a skull soaked in acid fire
Totally fierce and funny
Just how I like you
Not too
Fierce
Though
That could be bad
Like frigid in the summertime bad

(Fluttershy realized she wasn't very good at free verse)

Thank you for the poem! I read it to all of my animals and they really liked it. Except for Angel, but I just think he's jealous. I'm sure he'll get over it eventually. Or not. Anyway, I really appreciated it!

Hearts and Hooves,
Fluttershy

Getting your letter was
Rivetingly refreshing
Like a cool drink on a hot day
Honored you loved that silly little goof
That I scribbled rather quickly
Out
Because you make me feel some kind of way
Is it friendship?
Is it more?
I'm not sure I know the answer
To my quirky little quandary
This question
This query
My funny little mystery

(Discord didn't know how to continue)

(Fluttershy read over the last poem, scouring it over with her eyes. She didn't literally scour them over, but her rubbing paper with her eyes is a funny and extremely disturbing image, so I'll leave you with that.

Anyway, she read over the letter, pondering how to reply, until she found the perfect response.)

Potatoes.

(Discord opened the letter and read it. He blinked. He flipped it over. He snapped. First his fingers. Then his mind. After he undid the wanton destruction of several universes and restored the Orc-King Grof'all'kor to his rightful throne, he sat back down at his matte-black writing desk and pondered his own reply to the letter.)

Potatoes?

Cabbage.

(Discord exhaled. He had no idea how to respond. He consulted Grof'all'kor for advice. He refused at first, considering someone had temporarily upended his eternal reign, but relations were patched up upon delivery of ten elk, five moose, and a pheasant.)

Fluttershy, I will slay your enemies for you and [the rest is censored because it is not suitable for general audiences]

Discord, are you asking demonic orc Kings for advice? I'd say I expected better from you, but that would ignore the huge stride you made in asking another creature for help. I'm actually very proud of you right now, to be honest. Friendship is about being comfortable with vulnerability, after all.

(Discord consulted with Grof'all'kor again, showing him the letter. They conferred for a while, deciding on the best course of action, with Discord refusing most of the demon Orc-King's suggestions because they frankly didn't apply to Equestrian socioeconomic norms, while Grof'all'kor derided Discord as a 'pansy' and a 'weakling', among several other terms whose true meanings could only properly be conveyed in their original, unholy languages. They finally both came to an agreement on what would work by finding the intersection where their ideas met.)

"Angel, come on, eat your vegetables."

Angel crossed his arms and shook his head.

Fluttershy huffed. "Angel, please could you—"

She was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Oh shoot, I wonder who that could be." Fluttershy stood up. "I have to get the door now, Angel. I expect you to be eating your vegetables when I come back." With that she walked to the door and opened it, her breath hitching in her throat.

In front of her was Discord, standing up and curled over as to be face to face with the door frame.

Fluttershy blinked. "Well, hello, Discord." She smiled. "I'm surprised you're using the door today."

Discord swung two bags in front of him. "I thought we could share a friendly meal together."

"Certainly, Discord." She nodded. "What are we having?"

Discord shook one of the bags. "Cabbage." He shook the other. "And potatoes."

Fluttershy blushed. "I'd be glad to."