Chapters The trip to Whinnyapolis had been long - there was no rail line built out to the Hive yet, so Dodge City had been the closest place to get on. But the journey was finally over.
Now it was time for the difficult part.
Stepping off the train, the two of us were tense for our coming trials. We had left Whinnyapolis together four months prior, and now returned together. Of course nopony would guess that by looking at us - when we had left we were a dark grey unicorn and a pale green earth pony. Now? Two changelings, one aqua and the other mustard yellow. I gave Icosta - my yellow companion - a hug. We had come this far together but for the rest we'd be on our own. I wasn't going to refuse taking the warmth of his wishes the rest of the way, though.
He gave me a little squeeze just before we pulled apart. "You can do it, Cyclotorna." I wasn't sure I agreed, but I nodded anyway. I'm sure the way my elytra shivered told him more than words could.
We went our separate ways, and I trotted down a path that felt familiar despite having very different hooves. Up West Lake, turn at Excelsior, go past the park and...
I slowed my walk as the eyes bored into me. The summer day was beautiful, early enough to still hold the dampness of spring and counteract the growing heat. Families were scattered about, foals were at play and couples sat on picnic blankets by the lakeside. And one by one, they stared at me. At the changeling . Mothers called their foals closer for safety. Lovers tensed up.
And all I could do was hang my head and bear the sharp glares. After all - when I had been here last it had been as an enemy. These hadn't been neighbors, they were prey. And I had taken from them without mercy or hesitation.
But that was before. Now the changelings were allies to Equestria. But that wasn't the same as friends - and it didn't mean forgetting or forgiving the past.
So I shuffled on, away from the park and the ponies and the eyes.
All of those looks were expected, after all. Every changeling knew that the process of integrating back into Equestria was going to be rough and painful - that was why most had stayed in the Hive. But I couldn't. Maybe I'd go back there afterwards, but first I had a pony to talk to.
Turning the corner at The Annex, I threaded behind a tree and out of sight for just a moment. Blue fire flashed, and the dark grey unicorn was back. Shaking out my mane - it always puzzled me how the mane of my long-time disguise was the same deep pink shade as what my elytra had become - I fell back into being who I had been for the last four years: Arche Triumph, structural engineer and... And somepony's somepony.
I looked up the street, my eyes stopping on a white split-level house halfway up the block. Home.
I wasn't sure which desire was stronger - to gallop to the house so I could finally return, or to slow down and put off the meeting for as long as possible.
And that mixture stayed even when I reached the front stoop. Staring at the door, I felt as if my hoof was made of lead when I tried to lift it. Knocking or opening the door would start something that couldn't be stopped. But as painful as it would be, it's why I had gone through everything. So with grave reluctance - I opened the front door.
The inside of the house was just like I remembered it. Every little feature was the same as it had been four months before - the picture by the front of Ivory Charm and I - of Arche - on our second anniversary date; the slight tinge of hot cinnamon in the air from one of Ivory's favorite candles; the barely contained chaos of the dining room that Ivory had turned into her work space for jewelry-making. The sound of a knife chopping from the kitchen signaled where Ivory was - a tiny part of me had almost been hoping that she wasn't home.
Behind me, the door closed - the sound of it made the chopping stop. A hesitant voice that tickled my ears like a feather rose up. "Hello?"
I swallowed hard. No going back anymore. "I'm home," I croaked with thick words.
A clatter of hooves gave about five second's warning before Ivory impacted against me in a borderline violent hug. "You're home!" Love and relief came pouring off the white-on-white unicorn, slamming into me like a wave.
I clenched, trying to suppress my emotional senses in much the same way a pony would hold their nose to avoid smelling. The feelings were too strong from Ivory, and the high from just a whiff of her care and desire made thinking about what I was going to do so much harder.
Still, I hugged my marefriend back. How could I not? My false cutie mark - a white marble arch - pressed against Ivory's one of a golden bracelet.
Separating only a hair, Ivory smiled broadly. "So, how was Baltimare?" she asked guilelessly, still completely buying my cover story. It had been hastily constructed - ironic, considering my role as an engineer - but having to go out of town to help with a construction project had been at least plausible. "Please tell me the bridge repair's done now and you're not just back during a lull in work. I know it's only been a little while but that project feels like it's taking forever !"
"It's... over." I hesitated, pegged square by the irony of the statement and what I was about to do. "I don't have to go back again." But before she could hug me more, I backed off a step. "We do need to talk, though."
Those were dreaded words to any relationship. Even while trying not to taste Ivory's emotions, I still got a few licks of fear when they were said. But Ivory kept her smile on as we stepped to the living room - Ivory on the couch, and me standing just a little bit out of reach.
This was the hardest part. I had practiced it a thousand times while at the Hive. For some reason it had felt easier as Cyclotorna than as Arche - maybe because a changeling is meant to lie.
"I... we need to talk," I repeated. And then stopped and grimaced. "I already said that, didn't I." I took another deep breath to try and steady myself. "Before I say anything else, Ivory, I swear that I haven't met anypony else and I'm not about to tell you I'm cheating."
The mare on the couch relaxed a little at that. "I didn't want to think you would, but the way you said that..." She shook her head. "You just made it sound so... so dire!" She laughed a little, slowly letting her guard down again.
I braced. Better to make it quick. "It is dire." And I let a wave of blue flame wash over myself.
The house was deathly silent in the wake of the flames. I called it a win that Ivory hadn't immediately started screaming.
Instead there was a long stretch of gathering awkwardness and heavy breaths. It was punctuated by her soft half-whisper. "Well. I didn't see that coming."
"I'm not sure if you meant that as a compliment, but thank you." And immediately after saying that, I facehoofed.
Stupid as it was to say, it made Ivory smile. "I guess that's the same Arche I know."
I shook my head. "Cyclotorna. That's my real name." I hesitated for a breath. "It always has been." That was mostly the truth.
Ivory frowned. "That's a terrible name." Before I could respond, she raised a hoof. "I'm sorry. I--I don't mean to be rude but I don't think my brain is working correctly right now."
"You're in shock," I noted clinically, trying to detach myself a little from this cavalcade of awkwardness. "That's almost a best case scenario for me. I know this is a lot to take in Ivory, but the important thing is that we can get through this together and--" I reached out to take Ivory's hoof and comfort her.
She jerked back like I was going to bite her.
A deep frown spread over my insectoid features.
"Sorry." Ivory couldn't meet my gaze. "I just.... did you ever eat me?"
A tiny immature part of me that was Arche wanted to make a saucy quip at that - I suppressed it. Hard. "I did," I confirmed. "It's... more complicated than that, though."
"Um. Not really?"
I shook my head. "I had to eat. It isn't like--"
Ivory's panic spiked as the shock wore off, the stench of her emotions too strong for me to block out. "You ate me ! I trusted you and... and you did that! How could you do that?!"
"Ive, please !" A bit of Arche cracked through - I immediately kicked myself for such making a rookie error and letting the role take control.
But that little nickname was enough to pull Ivory back from the brink. She closed her eyes and took a shuddering breath. "If.. if you're going to talk like that, at least look like you should."
I hesitated. "I don't know if that's a good idea. I'm not--"
"Please."
I hesitated again - and then the fire cascaded over me again. The grey hooves of a unicorn reached out and took Ivory's. "Okay."
Ivory opened her eyes again, looking deep into my pony form's bronze-tinted ones. "How long? When did you become... that?"
Three years together, and I knew what Ivory was actually asking even if the words were missing. "Always," I quietly admitted. "The entire time you've known Arche Triumph. Nopony got replaced, it was always me."
The stink of fear subsided a little at that, and she breathed easier. I hadn't taken Arche from her - not that way, at least. "Then.. why me? I'm nopony important."
My lips quirked a tiny smile. "I'd disagree, but I know that's not what you mean." I tried to delay confessing my sins a moment more with a heavy sigh. "I was originally sent here to infiltrate the public works department. My job was to evaluate Whinnyapolis as the site for a secondary hive and prepare things if it was chosen. You and I meeting at that party was just..." My throat was dry. I wanted to lick my lips to wet them, but Ivory would probably take that the wrong way right now. "Happy coincidence."
I shifted my weight from one side to the other. Wearing Arche's form felt too natural, and it unnerved me. It shouldn't feel right. I'm not Arche. I'm a changeling, not a pony. "After the wedding disaster, plans for expansion were indefinitely postponed. But since I was already in place and didn't need supplies from home, they never called me back. Queen Chrysalis forgot about me since I wasn't needed." The dryness became a lump in my throat. "So I stayed here for three more years in a holding pattern. Just... being Arche Triumph. With you."
Ivory sucked in a breath. "And then...." She paused, searching for the right word. I could always tell when she was trying to phrase something more gently - it was the way she pursed her lips and wiggled a little as she thought.
"We're calling it the Change," I offered. "For a race that can assume any shape we're a little bad at originality."
Order help me she laughed at that. It felt better to hear than I wanted to admit. It made me finally smile, too.
"And then the Change happened," she settled on with my little bit of help. "And that's where you've been the last four months?"
I nodded. "When King Thorax took over, we were given an ultimatum. If we stayed as the changelings we were, we would have to leave Equestria forever. If we came home and Changed, we would be free to live how we wanted - but that meant giving up who and what we were." I held back the urge to revert my form. "You can see what my choice was."
With the shock and the fear subsided, Ivory seemed almost at ease with what I'd told her. That prompted me to relax and let my senses flow again - that was a mistake. The moment I could taste her emotions it was like a brick to the face. Ivory wasn't at ease - she was a chaotic jumble of emotions on the edge of a breakdown. She was holding herself together by a thread behind a brave face - guilt stabbed into me even though I knew this was inevitable.
"And you're here because....?" The chill edge to her question cut in hard.
It wasn't just the question I'd expected - it was the question I'd hoped for. "You," was my practiced answer.
She laughed.
That hurt more.
"I'm serious, Ive." My grip on her hoof tightened. "I know that I'm not Arche--"
Ivory pulled her hoof from mine. "That's not what I mean. I... I mean you are Arche but you're not and..." She bit her lip. "This is confusing. I love you but you're not you and you can't love but you need love and--"
I cut her off, lightly putting my hoof to her lips. "This is why I didn't want to look like this while we talked," I sighed. "I'm not Arche. Arche isn't real and never was. But I did this because I envy Arche. I spent every day of the last three years watching what you two had and wishing it was me. But it couldn't be - I was a changeling. I could taste the love but it wasn't for me. Even if it was, I couldn't return it." The flames washed over me, letting me be Cyclotorna again. Ivory flinched. "But now I can . I can love you like Arche did. I know I'm not, but please. All I'm asking for is a chance."
My heart was tearing at my chest like a grub escaping its egg - I was so close . Everything I'd planned to say and do was falling apart, but at the same time it was so close to coming true. Maybe I wasn't Arche, but I knew Ivory. I could see it in her eyes as her emotions fought each other. I'd seen it enough times over little things, like when her desire for a slice of double-fudge cake warred with the rational sense of getting a salad.
That she always picked the cake didn't hurt my chances.
Finally, she closed her eyes and faced away from me. "I'm sorry. I.. I need some time to think. Arche, I--"
I cut her off again. "I'm not Arche." I tried to be gentle, but the truth rarely is.
She sucked in a breath through her teeth. "Yes. And that's the problem."
Stepping backwards, I nodded. It was the problem. "I understand. I'll just... go." I hesitated - Ivory twitched forward, like she was going to grab for me and stop me from leaving. But she didn't, and that movement died fast. "I'm going to get a room at the Grand. If you want to, you can find me there once you've... thought."
I waited for her to respond. She didn't.
I left alone.
Author's Note
Cyclotorna is a genus of parasitic Australian moths. (There aren't nearly enough insect body parts to cover all the changelings, so I generally fall to parasitic insects for names - there's a lot of those!)
While a sequel to my own work, I drew heavily on the emotional feel of another story for this tale. Unchanging Love is one of my absolute favorite changeling stories and acted as a strong influence in writing House Of Lies. If you enjoyed what I've got here, I heartily recommend Unchanging Love story as one in a similar vein.
Eight-thirty and I was at work.
Standing in the lobby instead of at a desk, but I was still there. The Whinnyapolis City Office of Development and Planning - my... Arche's place of employment for the last four years. I knew exactly where Arche's desk was, that the coffee machine still needed a cleaning (when didn't it?) and that Quick Book from Accounting two offices down had stolen the honey cruller out of the donut box again.
I also knew that Lute was at the front desk, because she was staring at me with a mixture of fear and confusion. Because I was a changeling.
She tapped the intercom. "Mister Rock? There's, ah. A changeling here to see you."
The device on Lute's desk was silent for several seconds. "Could you repeat that Ms. Fisk?"
"A changeling, sir. A blue one. To see you."
I tried to smile in a friendly way. It didn't put her at ease in the least.
"Send the changeling in, I guess."
That was the first hurdle cleared, at least. I kept smiling at Lute. "Thank you. I know the way." That got a raised eyebrow and a spike of worry, but she didn't stop me.
Black Rock's office was less familiar to me than the rest, but who tries to spend time in their boss' office? Despite that aura of authority, it wasn't all that different from every other one in the department - a drawing board for blueprints off to the side, a desk cluttered with ongoing project proposals, a copy of his diploma up on the wall and a few pictures of his family below that. I will say this for my four years under Mr. Rock - he was a down to earth earth pony. (In truth he wasn't at all and was actually a hot-head, but as Arche I always liked making that joke. He laughed at it more often than not.)
Behind the desk, the heavy-set brown stallion glared at me. "How can I help you....?"
"Cyclotorna," I clarified.
Black Rock frowned. "Alright. Cyclotorna. How can I help you."
While I'd gone over my conversation with Ivory a thousand times before starting it, I was winging this one. Maybe it's because I don't know Black Rock as well as her so predicting him is harder. But it's probably because, at the end of the day? This is just a job, rather than my heart.
"I'm here to talk about a job."
The stallion frowned deeper, lines etching into his stony face. "Sorry, we don't have any positions open at this time." I could smell his disgust - it wasn't about the openings, it was me.
So I forced the issue. "No, I mean the job I already have here." The transformation into Arche washed over me.
He was in shock, but it wasn't the nice kind Ivory had been in yesterday that would buy me time to explain. The bulging veins in his neck said that much even if I hadn't been able to sense the spicy slap of his anger. "How DARE you come into my office and pretend to be one of my people!"
"Rock! It's me!" I tapped my chest with my hoof. "It's always been me!"
Rock snarled. "No, it isn't! Because I know the pony you're pretending to be, and Arche Triumph is a good pony! Not a monster!" He was on his hooves now, stomping around the desk in a freight train of fury. "I don't know what you are but you aren't Arche!"
The force of the anger made me take a step back. "I am, I swear! Come on, Rock, I'm trying to do the right thing here and--"
I saw stars and the room twisted sideways. Through the ringing in my ears I was pretty sure I heard Rock calling for security. I tried to get back up - only to have a heavy hoof plant itself on my withers. That - and the fact that if he pressed harder I wasn't going to be able to breathe - got the hint across to stay down.
By the time the cops hauled me out ten minutes later, I at least could stand up on my own again. Rock's hit still had my head a little scrambled, though, which is probably why I didn't recognize the hoofcuffs or that I was being dragged to the police station.
The fortunate part was that the police were more up to date on current affairs than Black Rock was - which meant I was treated as a foreign tourist instead of an enemy soldier. I was merely let off with a warning not to impersonate ponies again - or else I might not be considered a tourist.
The unfortunate part was that it ate up most of the day and now I was officially known. Old changeling instincts wouldn't stop screaming as I left the station - they demanded that I was compromised and I should immediately assume a new disguise to throw off anypony who was following me and go to ground.
I didn't, partially because we're better than that now and partially because if they actually were following me switching forms was the worst possible thing I could do. I'd be in a cell before morning.
With everything that had gone on, I was planning to go back to my room at the Grand, order something from room service and waste the rest of the afternoon and evening in the hopes that tomorrow would be a better day. I hadn't been anticipating a surprise waiting for me when I arrived.
In my room - on the bed - was Ivory Charm. I froze for a moment at the door before even seeing her - the scent of her emotions was unmistakable. Conflicted, afraid, frustrated, but there was still love in there.
"Ive." I breathed out her name through a smile.
She rose as I entered - two eager steps towards me and then she froze as her doubts came to the front again. "Black Rock came to see me," she explained, responding to the question I hadn't asked. She knew it was coming. "He wanted to warn me there was a changeling pretending to be Arche." The corner of her mouth twitched in a little smirk. "He's mad at you for entirely different reasons now."
"Because I fooled him for so long instead of because I replaced Arche?" Ivory's nod confirmed it, and I dismissed it as quickly with a snort. "Either way, after how he laid into me? I think I'm going to keep my distance."
In retrospect, it shouldn't have surprised me that Ivory was at my side almost immediately. "He hit you?" She turned my head to inspect where Rock had struck me - and she stopped dead when she found cracked chitin instead of a blooming bruise.
I sighed at the whiff of her embarrassed confusion. "I'm fine, Ivory." I tried to turn it into a joke and deflect her concern away. "Rock's going to have a long talk with my union rep once I file a complaint, though." It flopped hard.
Ivory stepped away from me, lips pursed. "You're probably wondering why I'm here."
"You said you needed some time to think." I moved past her to sit on my bed. "I'm hoping you did."
She nodded. I felt apprehensive hope. "Arche, I--"
My head shook. "Ivory. I'm not Arche. I know this is hard, but I'm not. I can't be somepony that never was. I could pretend, but Arche isn't real."
Her pout was downright adorable. "Cyclotorna's a mouthful. It doesn't even sound like a real name."
"Not a pony name," I pointed out and left the rest to subtext.
She pouted harder, trying to will the problem away. "Maybe... Cy? Or Torna?"
"Neither of those is my name ," I sighed.
"Hrmph! I'll have you know that my name isn't Ive either but that hardly stops you!"
Oh. Right. I'd forgotten that she usually did legitimately win our arguments. "You know, neither of your two options sound particularly pony either."
Ivory sighed and slipped over to sit on the bed beside me. "I know. I just.. I'm trying? One of the first things I realized when I started thinking about all of this is that it probably isn't any easier for you than it is for me. So I thought maybe if I did something that made me feel more comfortable, it would get you to do something that made you feel more comfortable. And we could..." She waved a hoof vaguely in the air. "I don't know. Progress, I guess?"
That hung in the air for a long minute. "Cy," I finally offered. "It sounds more like it could be short for something pony. Like Cyan."
Ivory's smile returned, just a little. "But you're aqua."
We both managed to laugh quietly at that one.
Once it faded, I pressed forward again. "So. You're the one that's been thinking. What do you want to do now?"
The mare I hoped to win the heart of again bit her lip and nodded. "Well, I thought.. I know you're not Arche. But you made me happy. And without Arche I'm not going to be happy. So if I don't try, I'm going to be kicking myself for the rest of my life." Her pale blue eyes were tearing up at the corners as she turned to me. "Does that make sense?"
And I nodded. "I feel the same way, Ive. I'm not Arche. I can never be Arche. But if I don't at least try, I'll never know." I gently set my hoof on hers - and this time she didn't jerk away - only flinched. "It's why I did all of this. It's why I came back. I had to try."
Letting out a long, deep sigh, Ivory nodded. "So... dinner?"
The Oak And Ivy was an important restaurant for Ivory and Arche - it had been where they had their first date following the party, after all. While pub fare might not be haute cuisine , it was reasonably priced, tasty and there were good memories.
Memories that I was currently replacing with how every pony in the pub was staring at us. (Well, let's be honest, at me.) At least this time it was only staring - the chitin along my jaw wasn't going to heal for days and I wasn't eager to crack more of it.
That's why I was letting Ivory do the talking. I was there, but her taking the lead was bound to get a friendlier result.
The first sign that I was wrong was that despite there being half a dozen tables open, we were waiting to be seated. The second was that the staff was having a hushed but obviously intense conversation as they kept looking at us.
It took until two other couples were seated before us for Ivory to finally lose her temper. I tried not to listen in, but the waves of anger she was radiating made it easy to guess just what she was hissing to the staff. And shortly after, we had a table.
In the side room.
With a planter blocking us from the main dining room.
I sighed heavily, countering Ivory's still bubbling anger.
"Apparently," she outlined with frustration, "Their disagreement was if we should be put out of sight to not disturb anypony else or in the middle of the room so you couldn't try anything funny. And they implied that I was here unwillingly and asked if I needed help."
I wanted to grumble and grouse - but they also weren't wrong. Last time I was in town that wasn't just reasonable, it was the norm. "We've got a table now. That's what's important."
"No it isn't!" Ivory's bubble of anger popped loudly. The planter blocked the eyes that turned our way with her shout, but I could still feel them. She sat back down, voice quieting. "Why are you so accepting about this, Cy? Arche never was."
"I'm not Arche," I replied purely on automatic. "And.. it's because they're right. Four months ago, I was the enemy. I was the boogeymare that parents warned their foals about and said would drag them away if they weren't good. And don't say it isn't true, Ive. It hasn't even been a day since you were freaking out on the couch in front of me."
Ivory, bless her, shook her head. "Yes, but I'm trying to see past that." The phrasing implied she hadn't.
"And they don't have any reason to." I paused. "I'm not even sure why you're doing it, either."
That quieted her down. Or at least made Ivory glower instead of complain out loud. ...At least until she loudly facehoofed. "Celestia, I can't believe I'm so dense." She grabbed the menu off the table as the topic wildly veered away. "Can you even eat any of this? It's all pony food not, uh.... schadenfreude or malaise. Did I invite you out to a dinner you can't eat?" Ivory smacked herself in the face with the menu. "Stupid stupid stupid--"
I grabbed the menu away from her before she could abuse it further. "Ivory, stop and think. If I couldn't eat pony food would I really have been able to hide it while living with you for three years ? And we don't eat emotions anymore, either. The pot pie's is just fine."
A moment passed - and she managed a smirk. "That was kind of silly of me, wasn't it?"
We both laughed together. Thankfully. I know I needed it, and I'm pretty sure she did too.
The minutes passed quietly as we looked over the menu with the enthusiasm of somepony who was sure that this time they would try something new and different before ordering the same meal they had ordered the last twelve times they had been here. The waiter who took said standard order was at least polite enough to not openly question my situation - he gave me a few suspicion-heavy looks, but for the most part left me be.
In the wake of our order, Ivory tried to resume our conversation.
"So," she started with the grace of an overloaded cart, "You keep saying you aren't Arche, but I don't think you've actually told me anything about who you are."
I blinked. Now that I thought about it, she was right. "Well, I'm a changeling--"
Ivory cut me off like a guillotine. "I said who you are, not what you are." She tapped a hoof to her pale chest. "I'm not just a pony. You're not just a changeling."
And as soon as she said that, it made sense. The reality wasn't quite so simple to answer, of course. "I... don't really know who I am, I suppose. Before, none of us really had much to ourselves - we had to be the role we were playing, and having our own self got in the way of that. We were encouraged to repress any 'us'. And I spent most of the last few months learning how to not steal love anymore so there hasn't been a lot of... me time."
She nodded slowly - but didn't speak. I took it as encouragement to keep going.
"And that's why I'm here and why I'm doing this." I sucked in a breath, bracing myself for the admission. "If I don't know who I am and I have to decide who to become? I want to be like who Arche was. It was a good life. Arche was a good pony. If I have to decide on who I'm going to be, that's my choice."
Ivory let that settle for a moment before she responded. "So you say you aren't Arche, and then you say you want to be Arche. That seems like a problem with an easy solution."
"Is it?" Judging by the slight wince on her face, that came out more accusatory than I'd intended. "You can't just be Celestia."
She shook her head. "Yeah, but I didn't spend the last few years pretending to be her. And I've got a me already. You just said that you don't." Ive sighed quietly. "What's stopping you?"
It was a good question. A sensible question. One I had asked myself more than a few times - I just hoped I could explain it to her. "Think of it like a sheet of paper. You fold it into an origami bird and keep it like that for a while - long enough for the creases at the folds to settle deep into the pulp. Then you unfold it because you need to write down a shopping list and don't have anything else at hoof. Once you're done, you can fold it back into a bird. But it's never quite the same again, is it? Even if you follow the creases, you're not going to fold it exactly the same way. There's always going to be differences. So I can't be Arche again, because who I am underneath isn't the same. Maybe I can get close, but my folds are a little bit off."
She thought about it. That was a good sign - she understood what I was trying to say. One thing I'd discovered in the last four months was that I wasn't nearly as good with words as an infiltrator should be, and clear communication was hard. "So you could be Arche," she tentatively started, "But not the same Arche."
A little thing tickled in the back of my head that I was walking into a trap. But I answered anyway. "A different Arche, yes."
"Like an Arche that had changed after a few months and some major life changes." Ivory said it like it was a question - but I knew it was a scolding. "That does sound tragic. I couldn't imagine any pony who changed over time."
With a deep sigh, I rubbed a hoof against my temple. "It isn't that simple, Ive. I'm not Arche. I can't just... be him."
"You keep saying that," she noted with an aggressive lean foward, "But you aren't actually giving me a reason why." Reaching to her bag, Ivory pulled out an old photo of us: a silly one taken at a summer carnival, both full of joy, faire food, and maybe a little heat stroke. "Look at him. You know what he likes. What he feels. What he dreams about. Is that so different from what you have?"
I hesitated.
She capitalized. "Let's try an exercise." That's Ivory for you - always pushing to find a solution, logical or not. "I'll name something about Arche, and you tell me if you feel the same way."
I nodded dumbly. It felt like a stupid idea, but couldn't think of any real reason not to humor her.
Ivory waited a few moments more to be sure I wasn't going to object, then launched are first salvo of questions. "Arche likes dipping his hayfries in ranch."
"Ranch is good." I didn't even think about that defense - it leapt out automatically. Just like it always has, since Ivory thinks ranch tastes like dragon feet.
Her smug smile spoke volumes. "Arche likes it cool and keeps the heat a little too low during the winter, because it's a good excuse to snuggle under a blanket." Ivory paused. "Was that just to eat me?" she asked, voice spiking with concern.
I felt my cheeks flush. "Well, not entirely . I really do prefer it a bit cooler than you do, and I enjoyed being under a blanket with you. The love was a bonus."
Ivory frowned a little - she pushed it back down, but my previous pathovore ways obviously still didn't sit right with her. Still, she continued her questions. "Arche is always the one to clean the bathroom. He's very particular about scrubbing the tub, and I never give it enough attention for him."
"Well you don't ," I indignantly shot back. "That's the prime place for mold to grow and it needs extra work to keep clean."
Her smile widened - and our food arrived. She got the linguini with broccoli; he got the pot pie. It's the same order every time we've been here. Comfort food. As we eat, Ivory continued her questions.
Arche enjoys listening to classical music while he's working, but radio pop while cooking.
Every single one, I had to confirm. The only questions Ivory asked I said no to were ones about Arche's fictional family - I didn't have a sister in Rainbow Falls or an aunt named Cutie Pie. All the rest, Arche's preferences and quirks were my own.
That bothered me deeply. I was a changeling, and playing a role meant that you weren't supposed to be in there. Inserting aspects of yourself into the subject was a weakness and ripe to be exploited. It was shameful . Then again, there was no Arche to replace - I'd created him from whole cloth. And we weren't supposed to hold identities like that for long: they were short term covers, only painted in broad strokes. I had stayed as Arche for four years. Perhaps it was only natural that he and I grew to be very much the same.
Sensible as that was, it still annoyed me. Because each time I answered yes to a question, Ivory got a little more smug.
Finally - and as we finished eating - she moved in for the kill. "Well," she said with the smarmy confidence of a mare who knew she had won, "I don't know about you but you sure sound like the Arche Triumph I've always known. I can't see any differences."
I pushed my empty plate to the side. "I do. Arche loved you."
Ivory - poor Ivory - didn't get it instantly. But when she did a second later, she flinched and I knew I'd hit the heart. "You don't love me?" Her voice was quiet. Foal-like. Afraid.
All I could do was nod, not meeting her eyes. "I can't, Ive. I'm a changeling. We're not capable of it."
Several more seconds passed. Then she spoke her mind. "Horse apples ."
"It's true. We're--"
Ivory cut me off again. "An idiot sometimes, yes. If you can't love, why did you come here? You could have told me what you were and walked away - but you didn't." Before I could answer, she held up her hoof. "You asked me for a chance. I came here to try giving you one. Instead of accepting that, you keep trying to talk me out of it. That doesn't make much sense, and I want an explanation before we go any further."
She lowered her hoof, signaling she was done.
Trying to organize my thoughts was difficult. Ivory had a lot of good points, but it all just seemed hollow to me. Getting that into words took effort. "I'm a lot like the pony you fell in love with, but that's the problem. Everything we had was based on the lie that I was Arche. Maybe there's not a lot of difference between who he was and who I am, but doesn't that just make it worse?" I shifted forward slightly in my seat, leaning towards her. "All the time you spent loving Arche, it was me. Just hiding there and taking. If we do try again, I don't want to pretend it never happened and go back into the same lie. Part of the changelings changing is becoming better than that. And you deserve better than that, Ive. I don't want to repeat my mistakes and hurt you again."
Quiet - and room enough for the waiter to silently put the bill on the table. (We weren't even asked if we wanted dessert.) Ivory had her own thoughts to organize and I gave her the room for it. And when she finally found the right ones, she smiled.
"I loved Arche Triumph for three years, but he didn't love me back. Now you're offering me everything he was with somepony behind it who can love me. I would be stupid not to take a chance on that."
Author's Note
A special thanks here to TheAncientPolitzanian , who's comment made me go "Oh, crap. I forgot a story !"
After that, you would expect a big banner stating we lived happily ever after. And while I'll say things did work out well, it wasn't quite that smooth.
After dinner, Ivory and I went our separate ways. Over the next two weeks, we took some time each day to spend with each other and see if we could re-establish what we once were. A chance, just like I had asked for and she agreed to. For the most part, it went smoothly. Maybe I wasn't Arche Triumph, but I was close enough. The things we still liked about each other were there, and three years of shared memories go a long way. It went well enough that after those two weeks when my funds ran low, Ivory let me move out of the hotel and into the house again. I slept on the couch, of course, but it felt... right to be in our home again.
But there were always undercurrents. Yes, to her I was Arche - but I was an Arche that had spent three years lying to her. The fact that I had used her for sustenance never entirely left her mind either. I think it's part of ponies being descended from a prey species: one of those unspoken, ingrained fears. She understood intellectually why I had done it and forgave me, but forgiving and forgetting are very different things. That's a big part of why I stayed on the couch.
I spent a month with Ivory in the house. A lot of that was taken up going back and forth with the union, the city, and the Crown - from what I understand, my situation wasn't unique. Since our Change, a lot of changelings had surfaced having been in positions that were problematic for Equestria. In my case: I was a structural engineer without any actual certifications or formal education. That meant every project I had ever touched in Whinnyapolis was suspect and normally I would probably be facing criminal charges.
But this was practically the definition of extenuating circumstances, and the Princesses had been bending over backwards to try and begin relations with King Thorax's nation on a positive note. In the end, all sides agreed that I could simply walk away from my old job with no charges or penalties. In fact, I even got to keep the bits that had gone into my pension as an apology for Black Rock assaulting me. (I do feel bad about that since it was a reasonable reaction on his part, but I also wasn't going to say no to having something in my wallet. Plus he never apologized, which was typical Rock.)
I would never work in the field again, of course, but that was entirely expected.
The relationship between Ivory and I stayed rocky despite our best efforts. Near the end we tried sleeping in the same bed as a last-ditch attempt to reignite things, but those nights were sleepless and awkward. Having a predator in your bed - particularly one who has preyed on you - isn't part of a good night's sleep.
And I'll admit, knowing I was that predator was never far from my mind, either.
In the end, we parted amicably. We wanted to stay friends - and we still write each other regularly - but a relationship just wasn't in the cards. My old life's secret had tainted things, broken them beyond repair. It was as much me as her: just like she couldn't forget what I had done, I couldn't let go of my guilt. We had a month of dancing on eggshells around each other. We couldn't live our lives like that.
So an ending, one we both agreed on and accepted. It was worth taking the chance even if it didn't work out.
I returned to the Badlands and joined the construction crew rebuilding and transforming the hive into something more suited for our new lives. Three years as a structural engineer was invaluable, and King Thorax was more lenient about formal education than the Whinnyapolis City Council. It didn't take long before that practical experience put me in charge of the whole hive's public works, and that led to King Thorax (and Princess Twilight Sparkle) setting me up as part of a correspondence course. I should earn my engineering degree two years from now - though I'll admit the coursework is a challenge.
Ivory's doing well, too. She actually met a stallion at a therapy group for changeling victims. Brickhouse's marefriend was one of the ones who got kidnapped and never returned, but he's managed to get through it. He and Ive were friends for almost a year before they finally started dating, and he was exactly what she needed: while rough around the edges, he's loyal, strong-willed, and has a big heart. (Emotionally as well as physically.) The two of them are talking marriage now, and she asked me to be in the wedding party.
As for me, I'm still single. But that's fine. I don't need love to survive anymore, I've got a job I enjoy, and I finally mostly moved beyond my past. (Well, our collective past.) Plus I've been considering adopting one of the nymphs - but I want to hold off on that until I finish the degree. Doing both at once would be too much of a time crunch, I think.
So yes. We both got our happy endings even if it wasn't storybook. That's better than a lot of people get and given how we started? It's probably as good as we could hope for.
I'm just glad I found the courage to knock on that door.
