Chapter 8

The void, a strange place to dream of when sleeping soundly yet somehow I find myself floating in mid air with nothing but the starry surroundings. I expected Moon to show up, maybe even Luna since she also can enter people’s dreams but they both seem to be taking their sweet time. I could wake up, but I thought it would be a pain trying to fall asleep again so I was stuck in a bit of a conundrum of what to do. I crossed my arms as I floated aimlessly, bored out of my freaking mind since I was kinda looking forward to spending one last dream with Moon before I head to Ponyville tomorrow. As soon as the thought of me leaving Moon comes to mind I frown and hang my head. Moon has been such a great company, I dare say she’s the best friend I could ever ask for. Yet…do I only view her as a friend? Granted, we still are kinda getting used to one another but it’s like I can smile all day whenever I’m around her. I’d do anything for her, especially keep her safe from anyone who wanted to do her wrong like…like those fuckers who wanted to take Moon.

My fists clenched at the memory of those assholes, the nerve of them looking at Moon like she was some kind of piece of fresh meat they could toss around. Why did I hesitate? Why didn’t I just abandon my reason and carry out what played out in my mind? They deserved what I had in store for them, so why are they still alive?

“I can feel your bloodlust.” A voice all around me whispers making me snap to attention.

“What the, who’s there?” I ask, still looking around.

“Why did you spare them?” The voice asked. “If anything, they deserved death instead of still sucking air.”

“I…I didn’t want to scare Moon.” I answered, only for the voice to cackle maniacally.

“Scare her? That’s your best excuse? God, you’re a fucking tool.” The voice mocks.

“What did you want me to do? Kill them? I’m not a murderer!” I shot back.

“Really?” The voice questions. Soon I see a black shadowy figure with red glowing eyes I’m front of me and a very unsettling crooked smile. “You sure about that?”

“Damn right I am.” I said. “Besides, who the hell even are you?”

“I’m the one who’s here to remind you that you’re not as innocent as you claim to be. Look at you, you’re a Conduit, you have the power to bring everyone you come across to their knees yet you squander it like a fucking child. That Merchant gave you these powers so you could fulfill what you were meant to do.” The figure said.

“And what might that be?” I ask.

“To take all this world has to offer as your own.” The figure said.

“And why the fuck would I do that?!” I snap. “This world is a hell of a lot more peaceful than it is back home, I already made more friends than I ever did, and I’ve met the most wonderful girl who respects me for me.”

“Would she still respect you if she knew the truth?” The figure questions.

“What are you on about?” I demand.

“Don’t you remember? Five years ago? The alleyway?” The figure said. My eyes widened as my breathing hitched and my body started to tremble. That day…that horrible day I desperately buried in the back of my mind resurfaced as I glared daggers at this unknown fucker.

“You…” I hiss as I activate my electricity and lunge at him through the void.

“HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?!?”
I roar as I fire a huge blast of electricity.

The figure fades away before the blast makes contact as it chuckles darkly all around me.

“It’s been five long years since that night, and no matter how much you want to, you’ll never be able to forget what you did.” The figure said.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!”
I screamed as I blasted all forms of my power around me.

“An accident he says. Sure the public viewed it an accident but I know better, as do you.” The figure said as it appeared again in front of me.

“Shut up!” I demand.

“Or what? You gonna try and blast me again? Sure worked out before, now didn’t it?” The figure mocked sarcastically.

“You don’t know jack shit! It wasn’t my fault!” I yell. The figure was silent for a moment before it lunged at me this time and it grabbed my neck and started to choke me.

“You’re like a broken fucking record, you know that? So fucking misguided and naïve, you still won’t accept the truth despite it hanging over your god damn head for five fucking years. You remember the feeling, don’t you? That rush of adrenaline that washed over you as quick as the deed was done. It felt good, didn’t it? But you cast it aside and let your insecurities speak for you. But then, when those ugly bearded fucks come out of nowhere and blatantly bad mouth you to your face, you had a golden opportunity to send a message to whoever sent them that you were not to be fucked with. And yet…” The figure hissed as it then punched me in my side making me grunt in pain. “You did not act, you held back when you could’ve easily tore them apart like you had envisioned. So why, and don’t fucking say that you didn’t want to frighten that woman because that’s a load of horse shit excuse! Why did you hesitate?!”

“Gak! Because…I am not…a killer!” I said between breaths.

“YES YOU ARE! YOU HAVE BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS SO WHY NOT DRENCH THEM IN MORE BLOOD?!” The figure screams in my face before tossing me aside, sending me flying. “Who the fuck cares if you scare those around you?! Let them be scared if they can’t handle it!”

“I care, you son of a bitch!” I shout. “I never wanna relive that night ever again! I don’t even know who the fuck you are and you don’t have the fucking right to tell me otherwise!”

“You wanna know who I am?“ The figure asks. The shadow surrounding him begins to fade and his body takes form. My eyes widen in both shock and fear as his appearance takes on a familiar form. It’s like I was staring in a mirror as the figure looked just like me except for the red eyes and the cocky smile. “This is who I am.”

“How…the hell?” I wonder.

“Don’t act all surprised, I’ve been around since that night and have been the lingering voice that urged you to commit the more entertaining decisions and glorious bloodshed. I only have myself to blame for not stepping up my game, then maybe people around here would be singing a different tune with me around.” The figure said.

“No…no you can’t be me! I’m not some psycho bent on terrorizing everyone around me! My name is Axel Rickert, and what I choose to be is my decision and my decision alone!” I said.

“Hmph, so you still wanna be Axel huh?” The figure scoffs. “Then if we’re going by names then I suppose it’s only fair I choose one for myself.” Suddenly, red bolts of electricity spark from his arms and legs making me panic and try to activate my own Electricity but for some reason it wouldn’t come out.

“From here on, call me…Dante.” He said as he flew forward with what looked like Gigawatt Blades in his hands and impaled my chest with both his blades making me scream in pain. “And you best remember that.” Dante hissed as he electrocuted me through my insides making me scream out in more pain before blacking out.

“Ax!”

“Ax!”

“Axel, wake up!”

“AAAAAHHHHRRRRGGGH!!!”
I scream as I spring to my feet and blast a bolt of electricity in front of me, destroying a chair in the process.

I pant heavily and look frantically around me to see I’m still in the guest room as my arms spark violently with electricity. My chest feels like it’s been torn apart but when I look under my shirt there was no wound. I felt a presence behind me and spun around ready to blast whoever it was, only to be met with a very terrified Moon.

“Ax…?” She mumbled, trembling a little.

“Moon…? Oh my god Moon!” I cried as I immediately canceled my power. “I’m so sorry, I-I-I had this awful dream and I just acted on instinct!”

“It’s ok Ax.” Moon said, trying to calm me down.

“No it’s not!” I snap. “Look at what I did! I almost shot you! And if I did, how could I live with myself?!” I cried as I fell to my knees and clutched my head. “Why did this happen?! Why did he have to show up after all these years?!”

“Ax…” Moon said as she approached me but I scooted away.

“Please don’t come near me, I’m dangerous, a loose cannon. I don’t know if I’ll snap and do something I’ll regret and you’ll be caught in the middle of it. I-”

I didn’t get to finish my sentence as Moon quickly knelt down and embraced me in a hug. I was about to push her away but she just held onto me tight and refused to let go.

“It’s ok Ax, I’m here.” Moon soothed. “I’ll always be here for you.”

I’m not much of a cryer, but damn did I let the waterworks flow. I wrapped my arms around her as I let my tears fall and the pain in my chest began to subside. Moon rubbed my back as I started to calm down and eventually we stood back up and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Do you feel better?” Moon asks.

“…I almost shot you.” I mumbled.

“You were scared, Ax, I don’t blame you. I tried to enter your dream but something was preventing me from doing so. I was even about to seek out the aid of Luna but something forced me from entering your dream. What happened Ax? Why did you shut me out?” Moon asks.

“It wasn’t me…” I said. “It was…the other me.”

“Other you?” Moon repeats.

“Moon, there’s something I haven’t told you about me, something I’ve wanted to take to the grave with me but wouldn’t stay buried. It’s something that happened five years ago back in my world.” I said, not looking at her.

“Do you wish to share what happened?” Moon asks.

“If I tell you, you’ll probably never look at me the same way.” I said.

“But Ax, don’t you remember what I told you? No matter what happens, I’ll always remain by your side.” Moon said.

“No matter what, huh?” I question and she nods. “Even if my hands are dirty?”

“Of course, I-”

“Dirty with blood?” I cut her off, making her eyes go wide.

“Ax, what do you mean?” Moon wonders. I glance at her to see her look at me with confusion and sight fear as I sigh and begin my tale.

“It was about six months after I moved out of my parents home, I was living with a couple roommates in a dorm and we were just hanging out. To me and everyone else it was just a normal Friday evening and we had just got done studying and were enjoying each other’s company. I started a bit of a routine every night to go out for a stroll and grab a snack or something at the local convenience store so I grabbed my wallet and keys and left. I remember it being a cold night as I walked through town and didn’t think anything would happen in such a quiet town. A little while later I had arrived at the convenience store and purchased my snack and headed back to the dorm. But as I rounded the corner to my building I noticed someone was crying down an alleyway between two buildings. At first I didn’t think anything of it and thought that they had their own issues and it wasn’t any of my business. But as I walked away I got a slight twinge of regret that I could’ve at least asked if everything was alright. Little did I know it would soon be the worst decision I ever made.” I said, clenching my fists.

“What happened?” Moon asked.

“I approached the person crying and saw it was a younger boy, probably about 16 or 17, and he looked homeless from what I could tell from his clothes. I asked him what was wrong and he said he had nowhere to go since he’d been homeless for a few years now. I thought I’d give him some money so he could at least feed himself but what happened next threw my whole world upside down…” I said as my arms began to tremble.

“He…pulled a gun on me, a weapon that could end one’s life in an instant, and pointed it straight at me. The fucking son of a bitch mocked me for being so fucking stupid, for falling for his act and demanded I give him all my belongings in exchange for my life. I was so scared I’d die, but more scared that if I gave him my keys he’d go to my dorm and rob my friends or worse kill them. I tried to bargain with him by offering to go to the bank and giving him as much money as he wanted but all he did was scoff and attempt to pull the trigger. I don’t know what came over me, the fear of being killed, the desperation of trying to beg for my life, or the adrenaline from my anger for being lied to, but I lunged at him before he could kill me which made him drop his gun. I wrestled and fought him, punches and kicks flying against each other, until I saw his gun on the ground. I was the quicker one and grabbed his weapon and pointed at him, all the while scared out of my mind that I had never held a gun in my life.” I closed my eyes as the memory of that night burned as it played through. “The shoe was on the other foot since now I was the one threatening his life as he did mine. I was angry, scared, in shock, and not really registering his protests and begging to let me spare him.” I said solemnly.

“But you were just defending yourself, yes? He did not expect you to fight back but you managed to keep your life and your pride.” Moon said.

“Maybe…if I wasn’t such a fucking hypocrite.” I said.

“Hypocrite?” Moon repeats. “Didn’t you spare him?” She asked but I remained silent for a moment.

“The robber, he looked like he was about to jump me again and I…I panicked.” I said as I buried my hands in my face. “My hands just reacted on their own…I didn’t mean to do it!”

“Ax…what-”

“DON’T YOU GET IT MOON?! I KILLED HIM! I KILLED SOMEONE IN COLD BLOOD!” I screamed in her face, shocking her out of her mind.

“You…killed him?” Moon trembled and I nodded solemnly.

“My finger was on the trigger and I just acted on impulse.” I said. “The shot echoed throughout the town, causing lights to flicker on everywhere as the robber’s body fell to the floor. His chest had a hole in it as blood flowed out and he had the blankest, shock filled look I’ve ever seen on anyone until he breathed his last breath. It then hit me like a sack of bricks…I killed someone, I had just murdered someone in an alleyway and it was the first life I ever took.”

Dead silence was all I heard from Moon as she looked away from me, still trying to process my words. I sighed as I decided to continue my story.

“When the authorities showed up, they didn’t know what to think when they saw me and the body. I was detained and brought in for questioning and spent the night in the police department. They then sat me down and asked me to tell my story, to which I told them every last bit of detail down to the letter. I thought I was gonna go to prison for murder, which is what I expected to happen to me. When the day came when I had to stand trial in a courtroom, I told my story again to the judge and jury while also trying to fight the urge to vomit. I just sat there, still petrified at all that had happened and was convinced I was gonna go to prison. But then…a thought occurred to me.” I said shamefully but still no response from Moon.

“I thought to myself, why did I deserve to go to prison? He was the one who threatened my life and I just acted out of self-defense. I thought that if I went to prison then it would just prove how selfish and corrupt the system was that I would be punished for fighting for my life. I even thought that if I had the chance to do it over again I’d shoot the robber without a second's notice. For a whole week I had to spend my days in a cell at the police precinct, like a criminal doomed to spend the rest of my life in an actual cell in an actual prison. My friends tried to help me feel better by saying it wasn’t my fault but I knew better. These swirling emotions in my head, whether it was wrong or right to take his life ate away at my soul which made me feel like I was losing my mind. Then the day came when my sentence would be passed and I had fully expected to be tried guilty and sent off to prison. But instead, I was found innocent and all charges were dropped since it was all ruled in self-defense.” I said. Moon glanced at me for a moment then looked away but I still continued.

“As soon as I heard I was found innocent, my whole world came crashing down on me. I was so sure I was gonna be thrown in jail while they toss away the key, leaving me to rot for the crime I committed. Yet they seemed to have taken pity on me and let me walk. I wanted to be happy, but I wasn’t. I wanted to be relieved, but I was still upset. I may have been proven innocent, but I knew I was still guilty and would carry the weight of murdering someone for the rest of my life. I didn’t bother to stick around in the town I was in so I switched universities and moved out to seclude myself and just get my general education over and done with. For 3 years I kept to myself but that night just kept coming back to me like a bad song that wouldn’t stop playing in my mind. During those years of solitude the voice that kept telling me I was a murderer kept lingering in my head. I wanted to forget that night so desperately so I did everything I possibly could to bury the memory so it wouldn’t plague my soul any longer. I saw a therapist, took up multiple hobbies, played a variety of games to distract myself, and eventually after a couple more years later I had managed to find a sense of peace.” I said. Moon still didn’t look at me as I sighed and rose from the bed.

“You hate me now…I get it. Who’d wanna still be friends with a murderer like me?” I ask as I head for the door. I reach out for the doorknob but then feel something tug at my shirt from behind. I look behind me to see Moon still looking down and pulling the sleeve of my shirt and I see a few teardrops fall from her face.

“Do you…still regret what you did?” Moon asks.

“I don’t know…” I said.

“Tell me.” She said.

“…yes.” I nod.

“And this voice who lingers in your mind, is it something you also tried to keep buried?” Moon asked.

“He’s been locked in my subconscious for a long time but now he’s back in my head, always whispering in my ear to commit the same actions as I did before. I let him out when I thought about killing those bearded bastards who threatened to take you.” I said.

“Is that why I couldn’t enter your dream? Because of this inner voice?” Moon asked.

“He feels more like an alternate persona who was created from my dark thoughts. He even named himself Dante like he’s an actual person. The worst part is that I can actually feel his presence in my mind and no matter how hard I try to lock him away again he’ll always be there.” I said, clutching my head. “This is why I need to stay away from you Moon, to stay away from everyone because I don’t know if Dante will ever take over and hurt you or anyone else for that matter.”

“Ax, please don’t go.” Moon pleaded.

“I need to.” I said trying to pull away.

“No, don’t leave me!” Moon begged, still pulling on my shirt.

“Why Moon?!” I demand turning back to her. “I would never forgive myself if something happened to you! Dante is all my worst thoughts put together and he won’t care who he hurts along the way! So why try to convince me I’m still a good person when I’m a ticking time bomb of bad karma and also have blood on my hands?!”

“Because you fool!” Moon shot back yanking me towards her and hugging me tightly. “I…I LIKE YOU!”

My whole world stopped as I just stood there in Moon’s embrace. That one small string of words echoed in my mind. Moon…likes me? Of all people, a murderer, she likes me?

“Moon…” I said,

“Don’t speak!” She said, still hugging me. “Just listen. This Dante persona of yours is nothing but a curse your subconscious created and is trying to make you what I know is not who you are. If you were anything like this Dante then the both of us wouldn’t be standing here together, I wouldn’t be embracing you like this and telling you how I truly feel about you. It is just as you said, you acted in self-defense and protected yourself from danger. That does not make you a bad person.”

“But someone is dead because of me.” I countered.

“And it was his fate to die due to the poor choices he made, you still are not at fault. You have been a calm and noble soul since the night we met and the time we spent with one another and now you say you’re automatically bad because of what Dante said? Well to use your own words against you, that is bullshit!” Moon snapped, surprising me a little at her language. She then looks up at me with tears leaking out of her eyes and sniffles every so often. “I don’t hate you Ax, I’ll never hate you for what you’ve done. So please don’t turn me away because I care about you too much to lose you!”

“But you haven’t killed anyone before.” I said.

“Yet I almost took away this world’s light which would have been a fate worse than death for the planet. So if you still believe you are who Dante says you are, then feel free to leave right now.” Moon said, stepping back from me. “Or you can prove him wrong and come back to me.” She said holding her arms out to me. “Come to me and embrace me like you always do and…tell me how you really feel.”

She’s lying… I hear Dante whisper in my head. The minute you turn your back she’ll stab you through your heart. Love? Gag me, this isn’t love. This is just a ploy to fool you. Just leave her, Axel, she’ll never accept you for what I know you really are.

…

Fuck you, Dante. I hiss as I step forward and hug Moon back.

You’re a fucking idiot, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Dante sneers as he faded away back into my subconscious.

“Have you made your decision?” Moon asks as she relaxes in my embrace.

“Yes, it’s as I told Dante in my dream, who I choose to be is my decision and my decision alone. And I choose to be better than what he is. I won’t run away from my problems anymore, I’ll face them head on and…” I trailed off as I looked back down at Moon and cupped her cheek with my hand. “I want you with me all the way.”

“So…do you mean?” Moon said as she smiled widely and tears formed in her eyes.

“Heh, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t share the same feelings for you as of late, so I guess I kinda like you too.” I confess. Moon squeals a little and hugs me again and I chuckle as I hold her close.

“You’re very precious to me, Ax, never forget that.” Moon said.

“I won’t, and you’re also precious to me.” I said.

Moon looks up at me again with that same smile. There was a brief silence between us as we both slowly leaned in. Our lips were but a mere inch apart and I could feel her breath on my lips which sent a tingle down my spine. Not wanting to drag the anticipation out, I closed the gap and our lips finally met. What could only be described as fireworks going off in my mind, body, and soul erupted as I kissed Moon. Her lips were so soft and she wrapped her arms around my neck as we continued our moment. After about a minute later, we separated and I opened my eyes to see Moon with a wide smile and a blush spread across her face.

“That was…incredible.” Moon sighs.

“I agree, and you’re sure you’re ok with someone like me?” I ask once more.

“Of course, there’s no one I’d soul rather be with than you Axel.” Moon said as she leaned her head on my chest.

I smiled as I hugged my official new girlfriend close and we both basked in our embrace. Moon even unfurled her wings and wrapped them around me so that she could hug me closer which I didn’t mind since her wings felt so sensually soft. My mind drifted back to that night again and I felt a twinge of regret but it was soon brushed away since I was not alone now to relive it.

I never knew your name. I thought to myself. I don’t know where you ended up after you died, but I am truly sorry your life ended so soon by my hand. I hope you found some kind of peace.

“Hey Moon?” I said.

“Yes?” Moon said, still leaning into me.

“I want you to come with me.” I said.

“Come with you? Where?” Moon wondered as she looked up at me.

“To Ponyville, I want you to be by my side and I don’t want to be apart from you.” I said.

“But Ax, Celestia and Luna said I needed to stay here for everyone’s sake.” Moon said.

“Well tough shit, if anyone has a problem with you then they can talk to me about it. If you really want them to trust you then come with me to Ponyville to show you can live amongst the public without worry.” I said.

“You would go so far as to go against the Princesses wishes?” Moon asks.

“Yes, you deserve a future just like everyone else.” I said. Moon grins with joy and kisses me again to which I return.

“How did I end up being so lucky for you to show up in my life?” Moon wonders.

“Guess you could say fate is sometimes a mystery.” I said. “But I’m glad I was sent here.”

“As am I, Ax.” Moon said. She then yawned cutely which made me chuckle since it was still in the middle of the night.

“I guess we should go back to sleep, tonight sure was an eventful one.” I said.

“Indeed.” Moon agrees

We both climb back into bed and Moon rests her head on my chest as she wraps her arms around my torso. I smile as I lean back and stroke her hair with my hand and she hums in delight.

“I love you Ax.” Moon mumbles as she drifts off to sleep.

“I love you too, my sweet moonlight.” I whisper and kiss her forehead. I lay there for a few minutes waiting to fall back to sleep until an unpleasant and unwelcome presence makes itself known in the back of my mind.

I have nothing else to say to you. I sneer in my thoughts.

This won’t last, you know. Dante said in my head. I am what some would call inevitable in these kind of situations.

You are nothing but a curse, born from my ill intent after that terrible night. I have a fresh start in this word and I won’t let you ruin it. I snap.

You honestly think there won’t be a time when I will be the one in control? Even I could tell by the tone in Celestia’s voice that there are other conflicts Equestria she and Luna are dealing with besides the bearded bastards. Your whole “fight with words” routine won’t always work and it’ll cost you more than you realize. Dante warns.

If that happens I, and I alone, will deal with it. I said dismissively.

Just remember, Axel, I’m along for the ride too. So you better watch your back because I’ll be sure to watch it for you. Dante said as he faded away.

I pondered his words but decided to ignore them as my eyes grew heavy and I drifted off to sleep. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about, and I’ll be sure to do my damndest to prove him wrong.

Author's Note

A traumatizing past and an evil persona was born because of it. How will Ax deal with this looming shadow during his time in his new home?

Hope you enjoyed!

~WurkyWilk has left the building…